I think this is a good start and that you have created a very promising start. You hve developed a good character base and I can't wait to see how this will develop. However what I will say is that i fell you would benefit from having a beta. You have a lot of spelling, garmmar and punctuation mistakes, which at times have made it very difficult to read. I am not saying this to try and undermind you as teh original drafts of my fics are very similar, however I rely on my beta to make the chapters the best they could be. I feel that you could do the same. If you would like I could take a look for you, I have free time on my hand and have Beta for many people before, my email address is nikilicious@hotmail.co.uk. I hope you realise I am not saying this to try and undermind or upset you as I do feel that it is a good story, and you could become a very promising author, I feel you maybe need a little help. Nikki xx