Oh, if only. Good start, but yup, I think you could do with a beta.
e.g. 'thou I think their the devil' should be 'though I think they're the devil.'

Author's Response: Haha...Thanks. I'm looking for a beta, I have the next chapter done, but I think my brain is a bit jumbled from all the crap on my mind. Eh. Although I do think Beta's are devils. I was running on like 30 hours without sleeping when I wrote that chapter and typed it into the computer. haha. Alright enough rambling. I'm off to find some Devil's.