Buffy sat up in the stands her arms hugging her knees, feet pulled up on the seat. She watched her sister down below enter the water gracefully and continue down the length of Sunnydale’s local pool. Dawn had persuaded her to come and watch her practice for the try-outs for the school swim team, even though Buffy had tried to deter her by explaining what had happened to Sunnydale’s last swim team, but this didn’t seem to bother the former key, and Buffy watched her now, execute a tumble turn at the end of the pool and swim back in the other direction.

It had taken her a long time before she could even set foot in the leisure centre where the swimming pool was situated, her heart rate soared every time she had thought about it. Now she was sitting within viewing range of the pool, and every time she visited she just about managed to edge herself closer to the pool. She only had about another ten rows in front of her.

‘Great, ten more trips here and then I can go right back up to the top, away from the water…faaaar away’ She thought to herself. Her thoughts of the vast pool of oxygen and hydrogen before her were distracted when she felt a familiar tingling within her which set her slayer senses on alert and made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

‘Vampire’ her mind detected. All of a sudden the tingling feeling was replaced by a stronger, warm feeling like warm honey running through her veins. She turned and saw the vampire in question descending the stairs towards her. He flashed her that smile that always turned her insides to jelly, and she thanked god that she was already sitting down, otherwise she would have been in a heap on the floor. Over the last few months she had seen Spike in a new light. Everything he had done for her since she had been brought back from the dead, all the time he had spent just sitting and listening to her, and holding her when she cried remembering what it had been like for her in heaven and how she had been pulled out of there. Recently however, she had begun to feel that feeling of sanctuary and comfort again, and it wasn’t when she was quiet and alone. It was when she was wrapped in Spike’s embrace, as he whispered soothing words to her as she let her emotions run through her.

She returned his smile as he stepped down the last few steps to her row and took a seat next to her.

“Hi.” She spoke softly.

“Hey pet.” Spike smiled at her again.

“What you doing here Spike? I didn’t picture you as the swimming type.”

“M’not luv. Here on official business. Giles sent me to find you. He found something in one of his books about a demon uprising tonight. He wants to see you as soon as you can.”

“Okay, well Dawn should be finished soon I’ll just go…” She turned to look at the pool and she felt her heart rate soar, her fear rising within her. “I…I’l um…” She tried to speak again, but couldn’t form words.

Spike heard her heart rate rise and saw the look of fear in her eyes. The only time he ever felt the fear radiate off of her like this was when she had described to him how she had clawed her way out of her grave. He gently took her hand in his.

“Luv, are you ok?”

“Um…yeah…I just…” She took in a deep breath. “Can you go get Dawn for me?” She asked him quietly.

“Of course…I’ll be right back.” He told her, questioning in his eyes, but he decided he should wait to question her and he descended to the pool side.

Buffy sat down in her seat, her heart rate dwindling back to its normal rate.

“God…I’m being totally paranoid ugh!” She cursed herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Down at the edge of the pool Spike got to the end of the lane where Dawn was practicing as she finished a length. When she saw Spike approach she whipped her goggles off of her face as he crouched down at the edge.

“Spike…is everything ok?”

“Yeah…um Giles needs Buffy for some…business” He covered as another swimmer reached the end of the pool and got out.

“Oh okay, well I’ve got one more length to do then I’ll go get changed.” She informed him.

“Sure, just one thing. What’s wrong with Buffy? Why didn’t she want to come down here?”

Dawn looked at him as if he had grown a third eye or something. “You are joking right? You honestly don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“She died.” Dawn told him quietly.

“Yeah, I know. We pulled her out of heaven and for that I will never forgive myself.”

“No you don’t understand. She’s died before. She drowned.”

Spike felt his insides hollow out and he felt completely numb.

“What! When?!” Spike asked her, his voice barely above a whisper.

“About four years ago. She’s never been within less than twenty feet of a pool since then. I’ve woken up to hear her screaming in her nightmares. She’s been having nightmares about it quite a lot recently. I think when she was brought back she felt vulnerable, weak, like it could happen again. Plus the whole prophetic slayer dream things don’t help. She keeps thinking the nightmares are true. That she’ll drown again.”

“I had no idea.” Spike whispered. He cast a glance up at Buffy who was sitting curled up on the seat, staring out of the glass covered ceiling at the stars.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Spike seemed a little hurt.

“I think she didn’t want to unload more of her worries on you. She’s been confiding in you about one death, she probably didn’t want you to have to bear the weight of another traumatic event.”

Spike stood up and ran a hand through his mussed up blonde curls.

“Okay, you finish up here, I’ll be up with big sis.” He cast a small smile at Dawn who replied, “Sure thing”, and replaced her goggles and set off to do one more lap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was so transfixed staring at the stars trying to work out which ones belonged to constellations and which didn’t, that she barely heard Spike’s return.

“She coming? “

“Yeah.” He said simply. Buffy saw questioning in his eyes, mixed with…fear.

“Yeah…you’re probably wondering about just now…”

Spike interrupted her, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Buffy looked at him and realised Dawn had told him what had happened.

“I’m sorry…it’s jut that it happened four years ago, and it’s just so pathetic… the slayer is scared of a swimming pool”

“Hey… it’s not pathetic.” Spike told her, placing his hand on hers. “I want you to know, if you wanna talk about it I’m here, but if you don’t…”

“I do. I just didn’t want to pile something else on you.” She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Just looking into them gave her a confidence she thought had been lost that night years ago. Her grip tightened on his as she interlaced her fingers with his.

“It was four years ago, and the Master, well there was a prophecy that I was gonna face the master and die by his hand. Anyway, I went to his lair to face him and he used some hypnosis thing on me, and made me weak and he drank me, but only enough so that I’d pass out.”

She took another deep breath, but this time it was shaky, tears threatened to spill down her cheeks.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to go on.”

“I want to. I’ve been waiting to tell someone for so long. I…um, well it turned out my blood was the key to breaking his imprisonment and he took me up to the local pool above his lair that was going to be demolished the next day. I woke up just before he… threw me into the pool and … whatever he did to me it made me weak, my whole body felt like a mac truck, it was heavy and I couldn’t move. I sank to the bottom. I was so scared…I couldn’t breathe and my lungs were burning…I knew air was a couple of feet above me but I couldn’t move, like I was bolted to the bottom… I kept trying to get to the surface but I couldn’t….I was so scared…all alone…then it all went black…” Buffy whispered as the tears fell. Spike placed his hand on the side of her face and brushed the tears away with his thumb.

“It’s ok love. It’s over.” He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. “Shh…it’s ok.”

Buffy wept in his embrace for a few more minutes. The warmth and comfort his embrace brought washing away the fear and loneliness. Spike placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Buffy lifted her head and found tears in Spike’s eyes also.

“I will always be here for you. No matter what.” He whispered, as Buffy brought her hand up her fingers tracing upwards over his neck. Her thumb grazed lightly over his bottom lip and she leant in towards him. Their lips were mere millimetres away, Spike could feel the heat coming off of her lips, he knew that if he could kiss her he could show her just how much he meant his promise of protection. Their lips barely brushed when Dawn came down the stairs from behind them after getting changed.

“Ready to go?” She asked them, blissfully unaware of what she had just interrupted.

Buffy pulled back tentatively, her gaze never leaving Spike’s.

“Yeah Dawnie.” Buffy replied. She brushed her tears away with one head, the other still held Spike‘s grasp. She stood and pulled him up with her.

“Let’s go.” Buffy walked up the stairs and rested her head on Spike’s shoulder as they headed up and out into the cool night air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hold on to me, love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you
And I'm not afraid
Can you hear me
Can you feel me in your arms

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN-: I hope you liked it. The next chapter will come as soon as I can. I really should be doing some English essays, but oh well!

I changed the plot of ‘Prophecy Girl’, and threw a swimming pool into the mix because of something I will use in later chapters.

The song extract is from Evanescence’s “My Last Breath”, as is the title of this fic.

Disclaimer-: I own none of the Buffyverse characters or story lines, or any of the song lyrics used anywhere in this story!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike leant against a head stone, taking a drag from his cigarette as Buffy killed the last of the Gorlak demons. She had already taken one out, Spike dealing with another, and when he saw her capably dealing with the last of the three demons, he sat back to admire his slayer in action. Her moves were so graceful and fluent; he couldn’t tell where one move ended and another began.

Killing the Gorlak demons was kind of like dusting a vampire, except you had to use a sword through the heart and then sever its spinal cord somehow, either a sharp twist to the neck, or a clean cut through it normally did the trick. Spike watched as the Gorlak demon charged at Buffy and his body twitched slightly about to move to help her, but relaxed when he realised she used it to her advantage, using his momentum, and her slayer strength to throw him over her head. She back flipped and landed straddling his chest. She plunged the sword through the demons heart then swung the sword under her arm, over her head in a ninja type style before slicing down though its bulging neck. The killing of the Gorlak was similar to a vampire, and so was what happened to the body afterwards…in a way. Instead of dust, the Gorlak turned into a pile of green slime. Buffy realised this in time to stop herself landing in the gunk and flipped herself away using her hands to propel herself upwards and forwards.

She looked down and checked over her clothes, silently thanking the gods that another piece of her wardrobe hadn’t fallen victim to her slaying profession. She was seriously contemplating charging the Watchers council for the outfits that she had lost to the cause.

She looked up to see Spike smiling at her.

“What?” She asked him with a smile.

“Nothing.” He replied with a grin. “Come on lets go tell Rupes we killed his prophesised demon.”

Spike fell into step beside the slayer and followed her to her house. The journey was done almost subconsciously on his part, and Buffy’s too for she always came this route home after patrolling. But for Spike it was a route that held memories. Memories of sorrow and pain.

The graveyard they had killed the Gorlak’s in was the same one that Buffy had been buried in and almost every night Spike had walked from Buffy’s house, where he had been looking after Dawn, with a white rose in his hand. He would place it on her grave and talk to her, sometimes for hours upon end before turning away, tears streaked down his pale face as he returned to his crypt before the sun arose.

Several times just after Buffy had been buried Spike smelt the sunrise way too strong, part of him knowing he was cutting it fine, but another part of him wanting to give up and let the sunrise take him, just as it had risen and engulfed his hope, burning it away that morning after Glory’s defeat, when he saw her lifeless body atop of the debris.

Buffy noticed his desolate gaze and placed her hand on his arm, bringing him gently out of his reverie.

“You ok? You have pensive face.” Buffy told him.

“Sorry love, just thinking is all.”

They continued the journey back to Buffy’s, her hand had not left Spike’s arm the whole way back, neither one really noticing because it felt so natural.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They reached Buffy’s house and after discovering a note from Dawn saying she was staying over at Janice’s and phoning Giles to report on the Gorlak situation, Spike was now standing on the porch just outside the door, Buffy on the inside.

“Well, I’d better be off.” He spoke casually but Buffy didn’t miss the slight hint of sadness in his voice. Neither one had spoken about the kiss that almost happened, and even though they hadn’t actually kissed, Buffy missed the safety and closeness of his body so intimately close to hers.

Spike was about to turn away when Buffy spoke.

“Spike…stay.” She said simply.

Spike couldn’t hide the small smile that fell on his lips, but he cocked his head to the side they way he always did when he asked a silent question of ‘why’.

“We could watch a movie or something. We haven’t done that in like…ever.” Buffy smiled.

In all truth Buffy couldn’t care less about the movie. Recently the thought of Spike returning to his crypt made her wince. The place was homely enough, rugs kept the cold of the stone floor out, the dozens of candles around the place cast it in a warm orange glow and the other little touches he had added made the place somewhere she felt safe. Yet she still hated to think of Spike in a crypt alone, while here she was with a warm house that had plenty of room for a vampire visitor who she wanted to take up permanent residence.

“Ok,” Spike smiled softly at her. “But only if I get to chose the movie.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Spike had chosen the movie, Buffy burst into giggles, but Spike didn’t care in the slightest, seeing Buffy laugh made his lifeless heart jump.

She had changed into her pyjamas while Spike had set the movie up. Her slayer senses picked up Spike’s grumbling downstairs of ‘bloody slayer…bloody beauty regime’ a smile spread across her lips which widened and made her heart skip a beat when she heard him add ‘doesn’t need it she’s beautiful just the way she is.’

Her mind had wandered back to the feeling of being wrapped safely in Spike’s embrace earlier that evening and she longed for that again. Spike’s yell of “Come on Buffy, I wanna watch the movie some time tonight!” brought her out of her musings. He had meant to sound pissed off she was sure, but he couldn’t hide the humour in his voice. It was something she picked up on all the time now, the subtle changes in his tone of voice that betrayed what he had meant what he spoke to sound like. She could hear the humour within the ‘annoyance’, the sadness within the strong demeanour, and the sarcasm when he tried to be serious, usually when he was at one of the Scooby meetings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The movie was now halfway through and Oscar the ‘shark slayer’ was doing a dance on a table to his own version of MC Hammer’s ‘can’t touch this’.
Spike looked down and saw his beautiful Slayer sleeping soundly, her head resting against his chest. As the movie had started Buffy sat down next to Spike and pulled his arm around her, interlacing her fingers with his and lying against him. He had run his fingers through her golden, silky strands which had lulled her into a pleasant sleep.

Spike reached for the remote with his free had and muted the sound. He twisted and pulled Buffy into his arms and stood, cradling her against him as he walked over to the stairs. He descended slowly so as not to wake the sleeping beauty held safely in his arms. He walked in through her open door and placed her softly on her bed.

Pulling the covers over her he leant down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead and whispered “Night my love”, before leaving the room quietly, casting a glance back at Buffy’s sleeping form before heading for the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deep within the recesses of her mind, Buffy lay on a beach, the sand soft, golden and warm. She dug her toes into it and lifted them, watching the grains fall between her toes back to the sand below. She leant back against the firm chest behind her, his arms wrapped securely around her waist. She surveyed the glistening water a little further down the beach. She didn’t feel vulnerable or scared, she felt safe, like she was encased in warmth and love.

Buffy tilted her head back and looked up into the upside down face of Spike, his cerulean orbs shining with love. She twisted her head slightly so that her nose brushed against his. Her lips moved forwards and she captured his in a soft, passionate kiss, his tongue melting with hers. The sun shone down, casting a warm glow over both of them.

Buffy pulled back and trailed her finger lightly across his bottom lip. She turned her head back and watched the waves lap at the shore, and spoke softly.

“Thank you Spike.”

“For what” came his reply.

She entwined her fingers with his. ”For always being there for me.”

“Well that’s a shame.” He whispered in her ear. Buffy’s brow furrowed. She hadn’t expected him to say that.

She turned around and her breath caught in her throat as she saw his visage change into that of the Matster’s. His cruel, malicious grin stared down at her as he spoke,

“Cos he won’t be there when the time comes”

He stood and pulled Buffy up, holding her upper arms in a tight grip, she felt her muscles bruising beneath his hands. Then he ghosted them up to her neck and held her in the same position as he had right before he had sunk his fangs deep into her neck. She looked down and saw that she was now dressed in the white dress from the night she died…the first time, but on it were two bloody hand prints that dripped down the creases of her dress, leaving a deep crimson trail in its wake.

The Master pulled her head back up and stood with her as she watched the display in front of her. It was as if she were watching through a portal, the edges rippling like water, the scene within a dark, moonlight grave yard. Her eyes widened when she saw Spike stumble from behind a tomb a look of pure agony on his face, his breathing laboured, clutching at his chest directly over his heart. He pulled his hands away and she saw the blood coating his hands.

Buffy gasped as she saw herself, dressed in different clothing rush into the picture as Spike fell to his knees. She caught him and sunk to the ground with him, cradling his body over her knees. It was surreal watching the doppelgangers in front of her, and she heard herself within the image speak, although it sounded as if she were in an empty room, her voice echoing slightly.

“Spike…please hold on…please don’t leave me.”

Spike clasped at her shirt with both hands in agony and she saw two hand prints in exactly the same place as the ones on her dress. Buffy took one of his hands in his and placed the other over his heart, trying desperately to stem the flow of blood from the hole.

Buffy looked down at her own hands and they started to shake as she saw blood coating the same hand her doppelganger had used to try and stop the blood from Spike’s wound.

“Hold on Spike please.” The other Buffy sobbed desperately. Buffy felt tears stream down her own cheeks and she tried desperately to lunged forwards to the portal like display before her, but the Master’s grip tightened as he hissed in her ear…

“Listen… shh.”

Buffy stopped and heard Spike speak in a choked whisper.

“You always…hurt…the one… you love…pet”

The other Buffy looked down and saw a blood covered stake in her hand and whimpered softly “No” as more tears enveloped her.

“You see” The Master whispered. “You’ll be the death of him.”

As Spike cried out in pain and exploded into dust before her, the Buffy in the portal screamed “NO!”, collapsing in the dusty remains of her lover. The Buffy watching the display before her shot up in bead and screamed Spike’s name as she awakened from her dream turned nightmare, a cold sweat enveloping her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike had put Buffy to bed about ten minutes ago and had taken the bowl of unfinished microwave popcorn they had made back into the kitchen. He was folding up the blanket he had laid over Buffy when she had joined him on the couch, when Buffy’s scream pierced the silence of the house.

He was upstairs and through her door in a matter of seconds, aided by his vampire speed. He saw Buffy sitting bolt up right, shaking, tears streaming down her face, staring into the space in front of her.

He rushed to her side and pushed a strand of sweat soaked hair out of her face.

“Buffy…Buffy.” He whispered softly.

Buffy snapped out of her fixation and turned to him and pulled him into a crushing hug. Spike tightened his grip around her middle as Buffy sobbed into his neck. He ran a soothing hand through her hair shushed her, kissing the top of her head softly.

“Oh god Spike… I …she… I….” Buffy’s body was racked by sobs.

“Shh, love, its ok, what happened?” He soothed her.

“She…I killed you. But it wasn’t me… it was…” Her breath coming in short gasps.

“Buffy, shh, its ok…it was a dream…just a dream. I’m still here.”

Spike held her close as he rocked her, his mind reeling. ‘She was this upset because he had died in a dream?’

Buffy pulled back and crushed her lips to his in a passionate kiss, her heart taking over. She needed reassurance that he was really here. His lips were soft and she traced her tongue over them.

Spike had initially been startled by her kiss, but the feel of her lips on his and her tongue running over his lips caused him to groan and he opened his mouths their tongues met and caressed each other.

The kiss would have lasted longer if Buffy hadn’t been out of breath from crying. She pulled back slightly and rested her forehead against his.

“Stay with me Spike…will you hold me.”

“Of course.” Spike whispered.

Spike lay them down and pulled Buffy into his embrace, covering them with the duvet. He whispered soothing words to her as her breathing gradually returned to normal.

They both drifted to sleep in each others arms, but neither of them was aware of the hand shaped bruises on her upper arms beneath the sleeves of her pyjama top, and neither would find out for her slayer healing would have removed them by morning…

I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you liked the update. Please review and I’ll post as soon as I can. It may be a little while because my family are moving on Monday and I’m joining them a week later after my last exam. Also, I’m going to be starting a new college so things will be really hectic for a while, but I will post once I get my head on straight.

The song extract is from Evanescence’s “My Last Breath”, as is the title of this fic.