Follows season 7 of Buffy through part of touched going slightly AU at the end of the episode and veering way AU from there on. Dialogue from Touched written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner. Dialogue from End of Days written by Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson.

Disclaimer Joss is a God and I am humbled in the presence of his art. He owns the known universe and all writing credit is due to people who actually wrote these words. I am just a lowly peasant and will try to make an entertaining story based on his genius while making no profit what so ever. It really is sad isn't it.



Buffy awoke slowly the feeling of security and strength relaxing her body and her mind. She was loath to give that feeling up and let the real world in again. If only she could stop time and spend the next eternity here in this moment she would be forever grateful.

The fact that these feelings were being generated by lying next to Spike here in a strange bed in a stranger's house was not lost to her. But the reality of the last twenty-four hours and the emotional toll they had taken on her had wiped any thought of wrongness about these feelings from her mind.

She opened her eyes and gazed on the sleeping face of the man she used to think of as her mortal enemy. He looked so peaceful while he slept. She had rarely taken the time before to notice how innocent his features became while he was lost in slumber. It was her fault really, so used to the pressing need to deny that she had felt anything for him while she came to lose herself in his touch, that she couldn't let herself see him as anything but a monster. The evil soulless dead thing that she had accused him of being so many times. Now she knew of course how wrong she had been. He was the one who was alive. She had been devoid of feeling lost in thoughts of death and destruction not wanting to let herself step into the light.

The last year was a true test of what made her. She could have easily given up, let any big bad have that lucky day Spike had told her about in the alley. And yes at first she had wanted it. Wanted it so badly she could practically touch it. But she hadn't. There was something to be said for inner strength. Well it was more outer strength at the time. Her world had changed as she had accepted the fact that her friends had needed her. That Dawn needed her.

So last night was something of a shock. She could understand the lack of trust from the girls. They didn't know any better. They were trusting her with their lives. So in a way it was easy to see that with the loss of a major battle that they would doubt her leadership, question her decisions.

But the others. Well she easily would have dismissed the thoughts by Faith. After all there was history there. A lot of it. That in itself not such a big surprise. And hell Wood wasn't even really part of the group; he had no idea how things with them usually worked. And Anya. The girl was terrified and while others would have bit their tongue and held back she let any thought she had fly. Blunt and to the point just like always so no she wasn't the least bit shocked about her.

She had suspected that it would eventually be Giles that would be the vocal one in the group and he sure hadn't disappointed her in that area. He had doubted her since his return from England. She knew it was true. The second he had found out about her helping Spike it was written all over his face. And the chip. Oh that had sent him over the edge. He had looked like the world as he knew it had ended, convinced she had finally lost her mind. It was downhill from there. They had not really spoken since the murder attempt on Spike. Of course that wasn't what Giles and Wood thought it was but they were wrong. They had planned to kill him in cold blood. But it was their failure and her subsequent loss of trust in the man she thought of as her other father that had cinched it. Yeah, it was only a matter of time before he would turn from her.

Willow was a jolt of surprise. Buffy didn't know when it had started happening but she believed that her friend had started questioning her when Kennedy had finally been fully in the picture. She had no doubt that the outspoken potential had dropped none to subtle clues about how she thought Buffy was doing. No no doubt at all. But in her heart it hurt her to know that her best friend would suddenly find someone who could easily sway her opinion of her.

Then there was sweet fumbling protective Xander. The one person who always stuck by her side. Even if the times were rough. Tonight he had hurt her more than she thought imaginable. The only guy in her entire life that had never left, that had been her quiet support, her rock, and he had turned from her too. His words had stung. She had felt each syllable as if he had reached over and slapped her after each one for impact. The blows she had traded with demons and hell gods alike had hurt less. It was no comfort to her that they reinfroced the feelings of guilt she already had over his injuries. He had lost an eye because of her. There was no denying the fact that she had personally failed him. She hadn't been able to keep him safe and he had paid a price for it.

But the worst. Nothing compared to the feeling of betrayal she felt when she had listened to her sister tell her to leave. She had wanted so desperately to crawl into a dark hole and let the earth swallow her whole. It hadn't taken a rocket scientist to figure out that they had convinced her that she was a danger to them and herself. They had used the fear that had been lapping at their heels to show her sister that she was, what was it, reckless. Like she was just playing with all of their lives. Like she enjoyed this.

She hated all of this. It was not the life she had chosen but one that was chosen for her. How could she willingly lead some thirty odd girls who were barely in their teens into battle knowing that some of them would die? So they made the choice for her. Maybe it was better this way. Oh she had no doubt that she would go to that vineyard and find what that demented preacher was hiding. And she knew in her gut that she would not stop fighting until the First was no longer a threat. She still lived in this world and had no delusions about stopping an apocalypse. That was what she did. But this time she would do it alone. No Potentials following on her heals, no sister slayer suddenly back fighting the good fight, no more Watcher giving her quiet guidance, no group of Scoobies helping her and keeping her from losing the girl inside of her and no more sister to protect.

Buffy let out a deep sigh. It was time for her to let the moment end. She debated with herself for a second wondering if she should wake him or let him sleep. Although she didn't want to disturb him she knew he would be hurt if she just left without letting him know she was going.

She used the tips of her fingers to gently touch his cheek.

"Spike." He stirred ever so slightly but was still sleeping.

"Spike." She repeated louder this time, her hand now caressing his face.

His eyelids fluttered for a moment before opening and he gazed into her eyes.

"Hey." The comfort she felt as she stared into the azure depths of his eyes held her voice in check for a moment. She could feel a slight tightening sensation in her throat.

He had cocked his head at her in that questioning way he had. "You alright pet?"

She thought about that for a minute. Was she alright? Probably not. No this was something that was going to be bothering her for a long while she had no doubt about that. But was it something she could work around, a feeling she could bury inside herself so that she could do what needed to be done like always. Yeah she thought she could manage that.

"Not so much but I'll deal."

"Anything I can do?" She could feel the sincerity in his voice wash over her frazzled emotions. It was soothing.

Sometimes it scared her how easily some things could change. A year ago, well even a few months ago she would have been hurling insults at him and rushed off. But now she wanted to do anything else. It would be easy for her to slip back into bitchy Buffy mode like she used to do around him. She knew that they were past that now however, that somehow they had built a tenuous friendship, had let trust develop between them. It was familiar and comfortable the closeness they were sharing with each other. Strange for two people who had never really been close before.

"You already have." She gently brushed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

His eyes held a look of wonder that she had never seen before. The sudden feeling of warmth in her chest caught her by surprise. It was genuine affection she realized, a pleasure she had taken from making him happy with a simple gesture. She let them enjoy the moment for just a little longer but it was over to soon.

"I'm going to the vineyard." It was fact not open for debate, but said without the harshness she had come to expect from her Slayer-in-charge persona.

"Want me to go with you?"

She gave him a soft smile. He was understanding, not pushing to help just offering the quiet support she so desperately needed right now.

"I think I need to do this alone." She watched his face for any sign of disappointment but saw none. The last word she spoke seemed to strike a nerve somewhere. There was a slight twisting in her gut, a painful tug at the thought of being truly alone. It wasn't the thought of facing Caleb by herself, she had every confidence that today was not going to go in his favor, but the thought of what would happen after he was gone that worried her. She had nowhere to go. In that second she didn't feel like going any where by herself.

"Maybe you could walk with me? You know use the sewers to get there?" She hoped her voice didn't sound as desperate as she felt.

"Sure pet."

********

Together they had walked through the dark musty tunnels that connected all of Sunnydale without speaking. The lack of oral communication didn't disturb her though. It was a companionable silence something they were both comfortable with. She was amazed at how much his small gestures of unwavering support were strengthening her spirit.

If he hadn't shown up last night it was quite possible that she would have searched Caleb out this morning. There would have been too much fear, too many questions about what had happened with the night before for her to concentrate on fighting and beating the preacher. That would have been a disaster of course. Not being able to focus on the fight would only get her mashed into tiny slayer pieces, get her killed.

It was a serious revelation to herself. There weren't many people you could turn to at a moment like this and have the result she did now. How this vampire had become that person was still a mystery to her. She hadn't known when her feelings for him had changed. There was a time when she thought they were working through the things that had happened after her return from the grave, and suddenly the progress they made would be wiped clean. The night in her bathroom she thought that there was nothing either of them could ever do to get beyond that one horrible act. But she had been wrong. Not two weeks after he had left had she started to see why things had progressed the way they had. Neither of them were blameless for the actions that led to his desperation to show her how he felt and how he thought she felt about him. It didn't matter at the time that she didn't feel much for him besides a grudging trust and confidence.

Their footsteps thudded quietly against the cement tunnels as they neared the outlet to the culvert that would lead to the vineyard. It was time for her to focus and let the musings she had been dwelling on all morning go.

They stopped inches from where the sunlight entered the opening brightening the tunnel and letting her see her surroundings better. They both stared out of the tunnel at the green grass that was on the other side leading up a slight slope to the vineyard itself. It was time for her to get to work.

She turned to him not quite knowing what to say. How did you thank a person for moments like these? She was sure there wasn't a convenient Hallmark card somewhere for the occasion.

"Want me to wait here?" Why wasn't she shocked that he would offer to wait for her to return? Or at what her answer would be.

"If you wouldn't mind? I mean if you do you don't have too and all. Just if you want to."

"Don't mind pet." He gave her one of those smirks that always seemed to annoy and warm her at the same time. "Just don't take all day."

She gave him a soft smile. "Thank you." She reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a friendly squeeze before walking away into the light.

********

She hadn't had much in the way of obstacles as she had entered the vineyard almost as if the bringers were somehow distracted. Buffy made her way quietly through the building searching for where Caleb was hiding. She was a little impatient for this last fight to begin, knowing that he was just a stepping-stone for her to deal with the First.

The last Bringer had spotted her and charged straight at her. It still amazed her how well these guys could fight without being able to see. She easily twisted its neck and threw it down a set of stairs. There he was, the bastard.

"Hey. Heard you got something of mine." She started down the steps.

"Well if it ain't the prodigal Slayer." She really hated his cheesy accent.

"Where's it at? You know I'm gonna find it sooner or later." She glanced around the room looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"No you're not. I lay one hand on you and you're just a dead little girl." Asshole.

She shrugged at him. "So lay a hand on me. If you can."

As he swung his first punch Buffy bent backwards at the waist letting his fist pass over her harmlessly. Flipping over him as he recovered and swung again she used the momentum to roll forward in a summersault. Gaining her feet quickly she ran atop the wine barrels that lined the walls. Easily dodging his clumsy attempts at trying to hit her. She stopped as he tripped and one of the barrels opened.

She was kind of stunned when he seemed to be talking to someone in the corner of the room. Maybe he was losing it big time.

"Do you have to look like that?" Correction lost it.

"It's just a little confusing."

He pulled himself up and turned towards her taking a swing. She did a forward flip carrying her over his head. Running over a barrel she used her speed to step against the wall turning so she could face him as she landed. He swung his fist and she dodged hearing it connect with the shelf that had been behind her. She ducked and weaved his punches seeing the fury that was burning itself onto his face. She ran her back to him.

"You whore!" That made her stop and turn around.

"You know you should really watch your language. If someone didn't know you they would think you were a woman hating jerk."

She watched as he knocked over the nearest barrel in his anger. Behind it she could see a hatch. That had to be it.

Letting him come to her she ducked the punch he threw and rolled away letting her speed help her slide into the open hatch. She listened as the door closed behind her and was followed by some loud thumping. It was enough to buy her some time.

Getting to her feet she looked around the small cave that the bringers had excavated. In the center stood a large stone which had tools littered around it. In the center the stone changed to what looked like ebony. Deeply embedded in the ebony rock was a weapon of some sort. It had an ax like blade at the top and what looked like a wooden stake at the end. It was all red and chrome and Buffy knew that it belonged to her.

She could feel it calling to her drawing her closer. It radiated with a power that seemed to hum in her blood. Oh yes this was definitely what they were trying to keep her from. She smiled as she stepped closer to it.

Standing in front of it she could hear a thump behind her and turned around.

"So you found it. Not impressed. Cause the question now girly girl is can you pry it from solid rock."

It gave her no small amount of satisfaction as she easily slid her hand around it and gave slight tug freeing it into her grasp.
She admired it for a moment glancing along its sleek lines, testing its weight. It was the perfect weapon for someone like her.

She almost laughed when she heard the choking noise coming from Caleb.

"Darn." It was said quietly but Buffy didn't mistake the dread she heard in the simple word. "Now before you go hurting yourself with that thing why don't you do yourself a courtesy and hand it over now."

"Yeah you want it?" She turned in her hand and brought it up ready to use.

"You don't even know what you got there." He shuffled a few steps back as the words left his lips.

"I know you're backing away." She smiled a little as she took a step forward.

"You think wielding some two sided doodad's gonna make a difference?" His words didn't bother her but she noticed to his right was suddenly another her.

Oh not good in the least. The First.

"Let her go Caleb." It was strange hearing her own voice coming from somewhere else. "I said let her go."

"I let her go and she slices me open with that thing." He had a point it was what she was thinking of doing.

"No she doesn't. She hasn't got time. She has friends and her friends are in trouble. Faith go boom." For some reason Buffy knew that this wasn't just a tactic to get her to leave it was real and she had a really bad feeling about it.

"I'm not letting her outta here with that thing." He sounded really pissed. Good that helped.

"Sure you are and you'll come back for it later. When she's got her back turned."

Not waiting anymore Buffy headed forward and ran out of the room focused solely on the thought that the others were in trouble and needed help. She used her Slayer speed to run through the buildings and into the day outside. Running full tilt she made her way to the culvert where she knew Spike was waiting for her. Ducking inside she pulled herself up to where he was reclining against the wall waiting patiently. It felt good to know she could depend on him.

Panting she regained control of her breathing so she could talk.

"All done pet?" She shook her head negatively.

"Faith the others they're in trouble. I think they planned a trap for them."

"What do you mean? And where did you pick up that?" He pointed at her newfound weapon of choice.

"It's what they've been hiding. The First showed up and said something about them being in trouble and Faith going boom."

"Right. What now then?" Quiet belief. She was relieved.

"Could you find out if they're okay? I need to finish this but I can't not with them..."

"Go I'll see what's going on." He cut her off. "I'll take care of it. Don't worry everything will be okay." His words and the truth she felt from them sunk in. It was enough for her to know they were going to be looked after by someone she could trust.

"Meet me later in the tunnel in front of the house?" She wasn't ready to see them yet but didn't have any idea where else to go.

"Sure luv." She gave him a grateful smile and turned back to leave. "Buffy."

At the sound of her name she faced him, tilting her own head to the side in question.

"Be careful." She nodded at him touched by the simple words.

"You too."

********

Going back in to her enemies’ den had not filled her with any sort of trepidation at all. In fact she was almost relieved that she was taking the fight to him getting it done on her terms instead of his. Too many times in the past she had to wait for the big bad to make their move only finding that they had anticipated her attacks and made her work all that much harder to overcome them.

But today was different. Not only had they not suspected that she would show up and take the weapon that truly belonged to her but they had sent her off on a diversion thinking they could wait and gain the upper hand while she was distracted. So advantage Buffy for once. It was a powerful feeling to say the least knowing that things were going your way.

She moved along quietly her back against the wall, seeking the place where they had fought earlier. There was no one guarding the entrance to the stairway just as before. She peeked out to the floor below her watching as a furious Caleb paced back and forth across the room. He didn't sense her walk down the stairs and pick her way over to him. Stopping behind a few barrels she watched as he finally turned back in her direction his face betraying a barely controlled rage.

"You know maybe you should do some breathing exercises all that rage can't be good for the blood pressure."

She watched a thin smile form on his lips.

"You ready to finish this little girl?"

Her fist meeting his face was more than enough answer for her to give. As he twisted away they both circled each other. Tensing she swung her now what was she going to call it an ax? Didn't quite seem to fit. Maybe a scythe it kind of looked like one and she was hoping this one would bring death quickly to her foe. Scythe it was then, as it finished its arc while he ducked out of the way.

He threw a punch at her and it connected with her jaw, sending her tumbling away the scythe dropping from her fingers. Standing quickly she kicked out at him connecting with his stomach doubling him over. In return he punched out at her again this time hitting her in the face full out. She twisted and turned away diving for the scythe on the floor. Reaching it she picked it up and used the pike end in a staking motion against him. He had twisted his body away but her blow had been lucky and it sank into his shoulder. Ripping it away she turned adjusting her grip and spun the blade towards his neck.

He blocked her swing with his forearm and used his feet to kick her away. Landing roughly she lashed out with her leg knocking him to the ground. Swiftly she gained her feet and swung the blade down towards him. He caught it in his hands and pushed her back away. She hit the wall with a thud and slid down it.

"You understand nothing. I am more powerful than you can even imagine." She watched as he stalked towards her.

"Really seems to me that you’re the only one that's injured here." She tossed her head letting him see she didn't give a care about who he thought he was.

She pushed herself from the wall using a rapid series of punches and kicks to drive him backwards. Taking his momentary lapse to full advantage she swung the blade again this time feeling it sink into his stomach. She looked him in the eye and saw the disbelief staring back at her. Pulling the scythe free she watched as he slumped to the floor.

"Well that didn't take very long." She turned to the sound of the semi familiar voice.

"Whistler. What are you doing here?" She studied the rumpled messenger looking at him with distaste.

"Just doing a little wine tasting. California is good wine country you know."

"What do you want?"

"Now is that anyway to greet an old acquaintance?"

"Seeing that I haven't had the displeasure of laying eyes on you for the last five years tell me something must be up."

"I always thought you were a smart girl." Tired of his games Buffy grabbed him by the throat and shoved him against the wall.

"So do I get to make that hat now? You got something to say than spit it out otherwise I haven't got time for this."

"Okay okay don't get all huffy already. Yes I've got some news." Before she could back away from him she felt a fist connect to her side.

Rolling away from the suddenly reanimated Caleb she gathered herself to fight again. Looking at his face she saw black blood oozing out of his eyes and nose and his mouth. It was really gross.

He charged at her all rage and fury head ducked as he built up speed hoping to hit her. She turned easily away and punched out knocking him against the other wall. She turned the scythe in her hand and stepped forward to use it to impale him. He dodged and punched her face sending her reeling but upright.

She was tired of this and it was going to end now. She feigned a punch at his head, which he ducked, and with one arm she swung the scythe in a vicious arc slicing his head clean from his body. Now they were done.

Whistler's throat clearing drew her attention to him again.

"So talk."

"This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen."

"Things in general or are you being specific? Cause got to tell you I am so not into the cryptic anymore."

"This may take awhile."

"I'm all ears." She sat on one of the nearby barrels.

"I suppose your friends told you what the Beljoxa's eye told them."

"Yeah the First is able to take advantage of this time because of my resurrection."

"Well that was the simplified version but not quite accurate."

"Splain. And quickly please I have lots more to do today."

"More then you know. Your being alive again isn't the aberration that let the First start it's little death fest. It was a price that you paid in it."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing comes free you know. Magic has it's own price and a spell like the one your little friend used to bring you back to the living was very powerful. So the more power the higher the price."

"Could you just answer the question your starting to give me a headache."

"No one appreciates the drama anymore." She heard him sigh. "The God Osiris that she called on demanded a sacrifice but not one of blood. Right now it holds what it considers the dearest thing in all the universe. A part of the chosen warrior of the light. A part of the purest presence on the planet. A part of your soul Buffy."

She had no words for that revelation the only thing she could do was gape at him in open astonishment. It couldn't be true could it? How could a person only walk around and live with only part of their soul? He must be mistaken if she was missing such an important part of her wouldn't she have known it? Wouldn't there have been signs?

"I'll explain it as simply as I can. You came back missing a small slice of your soul. Osiris kept this part of you in a sacred urn and used it to call upon the powers of the First evil. Osiris was the keeper of the underworld after all and death and destruction not such a bad thought to him. But you were here living again trying to put a life together for yourself."

She felt the intensity of his gaze as she fumbled to make her brain work and process the things he was telling her.

"Maybe a bit more then." He nodded at her. "A soul is not what makes a person that's your personality. The soul is merely the essence of your being the part of you that transcends after this life. It holds everything you experience in life and what makes you you. The fact that you were able to function as much as you did shows just how strong you are as a person. The loss of a part of your soul is like gouging a body part out. You don't know what it is but you could feel something is missing. That was you. The loss of feeling wasn't the fact that you were pulled out of heaven, which I understand to be terribly traumatic by itself, but because you were missing part of what made you alive."

Images of the year before flashed through her mind. She could feel how distant she had felt from her sister and her friends. How much she had felt only pain and sorrow as she trudged through her everyday routine. The horror at herself for turning to Spike just so she could feel something even if it was simply intense pain and pleasure in his touch. The hate she had unleashed on him after thinking she had killed Katrina. It was then that she realized the rant she had shouted at him was really directed at herself. She was the one who was the soulless monster.

"Oh my God." Her eyes squeezed shut as the images swirled in her brain. "How? They said I was okay. Tara promised."

"It wasn't something anyone would think to look for. After all you weren't totally without a soul. And the clause for payment is not something that is really widely known. The young witch you asked to look into it wouldn't have known that the price was so high. But that small piece of you was enough to draw out the largest evil in all the world and make it want to be again."

She took a shaky breath. "You said things weren't supposed to be this way tell me exactly what you’re talking about."

"The Powers wanted something better for you. I know it's hard to believe but they have considered the sacrifices you have made already. They want to reward you."

"Could you vague that up a bit more? I think I might be able to find a point in that statement."

"We know how to stop the First and how to reseal the Hellmouth."

"Now that is information I really could use for once!" She couldn't help the little thrill of excitement she got from thinking all this could be ending soon. "Okay so how do we do this?"

"First we need to take away the thing that is fueling the Firsts power."

"What is it and how do we do that?"

"Thought you would have gotten it by now. That little piece of you is what is giving it the power it needs to stay in this dimension. If it had your whole soul or if you had died it would have lost the life force eventually and the First would fade on its own. But your alive which means that the energy your soul has is never depleted and the creep could go on as long as you're living."

"So what are you trying to say? I need to die again cause I'm so done with that. Been there got the t-shirt."

'No. I told you they want to reward you."

"Then what do we do?"

Without answering Whistler walked towards her and placed his hands on either side of her face. Suddenly there was a bright light surrounding them, a feeling of power surging through her body. As quickly as it began the light faded and he removed his hands.

Panting from whatever force had traveled through her she searched his eyes desperately.

"What?" She didn't know what else to say, or what other words to use to convey her confusion.

"We did the easiest and best thing possible. The Powers rejoined your soul and restored it to you."

"Just like that?"

"Of course this is the Powers that Be you know the force that guides the universe? There are very few things that they can't do. And of course this means that the First is now no longer a threat. Without the life force in your soul it will fade within a few days and with its loss of power the Bringers will retreat to whatever hole they crawled out of."

"And resealing the Hellmouth?"

"For that we're going to need a little help."

"What kind of help?"

"That vampire friend of yours. We have a simple incantation that is to be done over the seal but it needs two beings with pure souls."

"Um did you say pure souls and mention Spike in the same sentence?"

"Oh stop it isn't that unbelievable is it? He was turned as someone with a clean soul and he only recently recovered it this year. He hasn't done anything that would change that. The only killing he did was not in his control so his soul remains untouched."

"And mine?"

"How do you think the Powers choose the Chosen One hold a raffle? They find the purest soul with the best heart and gift her with this destiny. You are that girl. The soul you have is the purest in all the world."

"But if that's true what about the things I've done and what about Faith?"

"You haven't done anything that would affect your soul. Just enough to give you a few regrets nothing anyone else wouldn't have to deal with. And Faith was a glitch. You see since you were still alive there was no more room for such a pure being. They picked as best they could but she was never near enough to be what she should have been."

Her head was beginning to spin from all the details she was gathering. She could feel the headache beginning in her temples.

"How do we get started?"

*******

She had walked through town letting the sun warm her back as she headed to her meeting with Spike. There was too much to think about and she found that trying to let one coherent thought enter her brain was only going to make it hurt more. The fact that she didn't feel any different now that she had her whole soul then she did just before Whistler had done his laying on of the hands was kind of confusing. Did all the value she had placed on a soul really mean jack? Was everything she had ever been taught mean absolutely nothing?

Groaning at the pain stabbing her temples she let the thought lapse. Maybe it was better if she didn't fully understand right now. At least the First was now something she didn't have to worry about. And soon she and Spike could reseal the Hell mouth and everything would be back to normal.

Only it wouldn't and she knew that for a fact. For some reason she was sure this was going to be one of her last days in the town she had considered her home for the last seven years. There were so many memories good and bad for her here. But that was all they were now memories. Maybe it was time for her to do what she should have many years ago.

She entered the manhole that was two blocks from her house so she could meet with him without anyone knowing she was there. It seemed odd to her that he was now accepted into her home while she was not. That thought brought a sharp pain in her chest right near her heart. Yes that wasn't going to get better any time soon.

As she rounded the last bend she saw him leaning against the wall his head bowed and eyes closed. To someone who didn't know him it would simply look like he was resting. But Buffy did know him and it was that posture that told her that something truly bad had happened.

"What is it? Are they okay? What happened?" The words rushed out of her mouth, the concern she felt choking her voice.

His head had whipped up at the sound of her voice. She was still walking towards him her feet moving quickly as if the answers were only steps away.

"Easy pet. They're a little banged up but they're going to be alright." The calm in his tone was working its way into her harried brain. She really had had way too much to deal with lately.

"What happened?" This time she was calmer.

"You were right of course bloody trap it was. Dummies walked right into it too." He stopped and looked deep into her eyes. "There was a bomb."

"Oh God."

He reached out and touched her arm softly. She knew he was going to tell her something she didn't want to hear but had to know.

"Four of the little ones didn't make it. Faith's injured but she's gonna be alright. Everyone else is okay really."

She nodded her eyes growing shiny from the tears that she was refusing to shed. It was her fault after all. Her fault that all of this badness from the last two years had happened.

"Don't do that. Don't go blamin' yourself for this. They made their own choice."

How did he do that? Know what she was thinking all the time and comfort her. He could always see right through her. She took a steadying breath.

"They're going to be okay?" She hoped if she heard it again it would make it all better.

"Yeah the Potentials are tougher than they look right and Faith well you couldn't even take her out. Little bomb hasn't got a chance. The others didn't go with her they stayed behind for once."

She sighed. It wasn't the best news she had ever heard but it wasn't as bad as it could have been and she knew it.

"And you took care of Preacher man did you?" He was changing the subject letting her brain drift into denial land. He was a blessing this week.

"Oh definitely. No more sermons for him." She smiled at him truly feeling grateful for his presence.

"Knew you could luv."

She snorted. "Well you were the only one."

"Bollocks they just got a little scared is all." That was weird. Was he defending the people she used to think of as her family? The same people that had treated him so horribly.

"Spike it's okay. Well maybe not okay but it doesn't matter right now."

"No?" He didn't sound convinced.

"Something else has happened."

"Good or bad?" He was a little hesitant she could tell and she couldn't blame him. So much lately had been very much of the bad.

"Mostly good I think."

So she told him everything that Whistler had told her not too long ago. She held nothing back letting him know exactly what had been done to her and to them. His eyes had lit up when she mentioned the ending of the First and was pleased when he listened quietly as she finished her explanation.

"Told them there was always bloody consequences." He mumbled and she had to smile at his inherent distrust of magic. "So what do we do now then?"

"Now we get to reseal the Hellmouth."

"And how exactly are we gonna do that?"

"Well first we have to get to the school."

The distance they traveled was again in silence, not that Buffy minded. Her head was still pounding and trying to make sense of this crazy day. Never had they averted an apocalypse so simply. Was it possible that things could be done just like that? And if so what did they need her for? If they could take care of things so easily surely they could have taken care of Glory and Adam and the Mayor and Angelus and the Master? She could see the need for her to take care of the nerd trio and for Xander to have dealt with Willow but what did they need with a girl with super powers when they could just flick their fingers and right the universe.

It was too big a question for her to wrap her mind around. Still all things considered she couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and regret that they had taken care of the First this way.

Spike held the door open that led into the school basement. It was eerily quiet seeing as though the place had been abandoned for almost two weeks now. Nothing like a coming apocalypse to make school go out of session. She stepped through the door and made her way to the hidden room that contained the seal. Her boots thumped on the cool ground echoing in the empty darkness.

One more task to complete and then she was going to have to start thinking about the consequences of last night. It was not a thought that she wanted to dwell on. Yet it was one that needed serious answers before tomorrow. She wasn't one to plan or anything but going off without thinking was seriously not going to work this time.

Luckily for her they had reached the seal and she could push the thoughts away to the back of her mind.

"Now what pet?" He had been stealing glances at her the whole time she had noticed, like he was trying to figure out what was going on in her mind.

"Well from what Whistler told me we need to sit on the seal facing each other." As she spoke she walked over the top of the seal she had to push down the shudder of revulsion she felt for this thing. She turned and sat with her legs crossed watching him move in front of her and mirror her position.

"Okay now we have to hold hands while I say the words on this sheet." She dug out the sheet of crumpled paper that Whistler had handed her. It was in a language she had no knowledge of and he had worked on the pronunciation with her before she had walked to see Spike.

"That's it?" His eyebrow had shot up at the easiness of the notion.

"I know. But that's all that he told me." She looked on as he shrugged his shoulders.

She placed the paper on the seal before her and reached out her hands to his. She felt his cooler hands close over hers and looked into his eyes giving him a small unsure smile. The look of wonder in his eyes caught her off guard for a moment before she let herself focus on the task at hand. This last final job duty for today.

She chanted softly letting the words pour from her lips in an easy cadence. There was no thinking as she felt the energy surrounding them hum softly to life, making the hair on her arms stand straight up. As she continued it grew in intensity the slight hum changing into an active buzzing in her ears. It was hard to control the shiver that ran down her spine as she felt the power run through her hands, traveling between herself and Spike. Not stopping she glanced back into his eyes watching as he felt the same power flow through him. It never stopped to amaze her how expressive those eyes could be.

The air was starting to sizzle with electricity around them and she knew that the incantation was almost over. She was glad this was getting to her and she knew it. She had never felt anything like this before and it was starting to get a little creepy. Almost like she wasn't fully in control of her own body and was just a vessel for whatever force they were calling on to clamp this gate to hell shut.

It was because of this that neither noticed the other presence down there in the basement with them or how it had known that they were performing a ritual that would make sure it was the last of its kind in this existence.

As the final words of the incantation passed her lips she gasped as a piece of metal appeared in the front of Spike's chest. Their hands separated as he groaned, looked down at his chest and fell forward. Standing behind him was an Uber Vamp.

Buffy reached hurriedly for the scythe knowing she had laid it close by. This was not good. It was on her in a minute not letting her hand grasp her only weapon. She pulled her feet up and knocked it back off of her, scrambling again to grab the scythe. The Turok-han wasn't so accommodating though and kicked her away sending her sprawling against a cold wall. Straightening she let the anger she felt fuel her.

She came at it with her fists using her rage for the blows to strike hard and true. It reeled back from the constant assault but managed to strike her in the face. She recovered quickly using her foot to send the thing as far back as possible. The opening allowed her to finally grab the scythe and she felt comforted by feeling its cool weight in her hands. She didn't feel the tiny smile that found its way to her lips at the prospect of killing the last of these horrible ugly creatures.

Maybe it noticed the threat of that smile or maybe it recognized the weapon in her hand, something surely set it off when she heard it issue a terrible yell that sounded more like a scream. It raced forward charging her its quick feet eating up the distance between them. She spun quickly to the side and shoved the wooden stake into its chest drinking in the look of surprise on its undead face before it exploded in a cloud of dust.

She wiped the dust off of her hands as she looked back towards the seal. Looking at Spike's still bleeding form a metal rod sticking out of his back, she dropped the scythe and ran to his side. Touching his face gently she stared at the thing protruding from his body.

It wasn't all metal she noticed. It looked like the handle of a dust broom only the end of which held a metal casing that held the broom on. The rest of the handle was wood she realized.

"Spike can you hear me?" Her hand was gently stroking his face.

He didn't stir and he didn't make a sound. Buffy looked at the blood that was pooling on the seal under him. Remembering how the seal had reacted to blood before she gently began to pull him off of it and onto the dirt floor. Panting from the effort of moving him without doing more harm she once again kneeled beside his still form.

"Spike. I need to go get some supplies before I pull this thing out of you. I need you to lie still. Don't move okay?" She didn't really know if he could hear her but she felt it necessary to explain it to him anyway.

She scampered to her feet running at full speed through the basement and into the school proper. She turned and ran into the nurse’s office quickly pulling open drawers and cabinets. Grabbing gauze and adhesive tape she turned and ran back the way she had come horrible images of the wood in his back shifting closer to his heart.

Though only a few minutes had passed she felt like it had been hours and was in a near panic as she gazed at his still unconscious body. She fought the feeling down knowing that she needed to hurry and eliminate the threat the handle was causing.

Kneeling again she touched his shoulder gently.

"Spike I have to pull this thing out. It's probably gonna hurt a lot. I'm sorry." Satisfied she wrapped her hand around the wood and swiftly pulled straight up not wanting to give the wood a chance to do any further damage. Satisfied when it came free and her vampire was still there she threw the thing away from her. She cursed as she tried to take his duster off knowing that he would be pissed seeing as it had a gaping hole in it now. Finally freeing the garment she tossed it aside and easily ripped the shirt off his body. The hole in his back was horrible even though the blood that was pooling around it blocked most of her view. She packed the gauze against it tightly using the tape to hold it in place.

Done with the wound on his back she eased him over gently trying to do the same work on his chest. She stared at the hole that was glaring at her. It was right over his heart. A few more inches of that handle embedding itself into him and he surely would have dusted.

The thought made her shudder even as she packed his other wound with more gauze. With the last piece of tape securely in place she gave herself a moment to let what happened sink in.

Dear God she had almost lost him. Strangely the thought only reinforced what she had begun to think since that morning. She wasn't ready for him not to be a part of her life. There was a time when that thought would have been her undoing, when she would have thought she had finally let herself sink into madness. But now it was the truth. He was the one person in her life she suddenly couldn't be without. The one person who cared for her unconditionally and she knew that without it she would be lost.

She backed herself against a wall and cradled his head in her lap. Stroking his hair softly she thought about what she would need to do now.

His stillness was getting to her. It was difficult to see the very active and animated vamp lying as still as death. It wasn't like him at all. And she worried that his wounds were still bleeding when his rapid healing should have started them at least clotting. She thought back to the last time he had fed and was amazed when she couldn't think of anytime since she had left the morning after the first slaughter by Caleb. That had been almost three days ago. She seriously doubted he had found the time or the opportunity to feed while he was at the mission. That wasn't good he needed to feed in order to heal. And right now he was losing a huge quantity of his borrowed blood.

She carefully thought over the options available to her. She could run for the butchers but it would take at least an hour and she had no money with her. The hospital was also a no go considering how much they had beefed up the security around the blood stores. There was really only one other option. She sighed; it wasn't like she hadn't done it before. This wouldn't be the first time she had saved a vampire she cared about by letting him drink from her. She seriously wondered if there wasn't another person on the planet who had been bitten by so many vampires and still lived. She probably held some kind of record.

Knowing there really wasn't any other option she used her foot to drag the scythe closer to where she was sitting. Once it was close enough she reached over his head and picked it up. Using the blade across her wrist she made a single deep cut. Once the blood was trickling from the wound she held her wrist to his mouth.

"Spike I know you're in there, dammit. I need you to drink." She brushed the blood against his lips smearing them red. When he didn't move she used her other hand to part his lips and draw his jaw open a bit. Nodding to herself at her actions she let her blood drip into his mouth watching as it started to pool. Rubbing his throat she coaxed his body into swallowing. She kept repeating the process until her own clotting made the blood stop flowing from her. Picking up the scythe again she reopened the cut being careful not to go any deeper in fear of hitting her vein.

She began to repeat the process over again when he suddenly groaned. Encouraged by this tiny sign of life in his still form she pressed her wrist against his parted lips. This time he responded by sucking weakly at the flowing blood and Buffy let her body relax. If he was feeding he was going to be all right. She stroked his hair absentmindedly grateful to whatever force looked over vampires for helping her with this one. His suckling became stronger and she was startled a bit when his hand came to clamp around her wrist. She said nothing and continued to run her free hand through his hair.

After a few more pulls she watched as his eyelids fluttered and he tried to focus his eyes. His hand flexed against her wrist almost like he was trying to identify where the strange body part had come from. One more pull and she could see the dawning comprehension in his eyes. His hand dropped from her wrist like it was on fire and he turned his head away from the blood that had pretty much stopped flowing.

"Buffy?" His voice was quiet unsure about what had happened.

"You really have to stop getting hurt like this. I'm getting a little tired of saving your ass all the time." She kept her voice light even though she half meant the words she said. He had scared her more than she would like to admit.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

Okay not quite the response she had been expecting. She looked down into his face trying to figure him out.

"I was trying to help you after you became a Uber Vamp shishkabob. Vampire on a stick is not a good look for you." He was trying to sit up and Buffy was afraid that he would muck up the healing that had started. Using the palm of her hand she pushed his head back down onto her lap.

"By what trying to get me to drink you dry? Have you gone completely daft?"

"First off you needed to feed and seeing as I'm the only source of blood around here, well you know."

"No I don't. Why don't you explain it to me." Was she mistaken or was he pissed? He sure sounded angry.

"Spike. You were losing too much blood and there was no way I was going to make it to any place that had any and get it back to you in time. So I used mine."

"Do you have any idea what kind of danger you put yourself in? My God woman didn't you think about this?"

Now she was angry. She wasn't an idiot dammit.

"I know exactly what I was doing. Don't you think I know what happens when an injured vamp feeds? But what was I supposed to do? Watch you bleed out enough so that you finally dusted? Get up and just leave you here?" She struggled not to suddenly get up and push him off her lap. That wouldn't help matters at all. "It was the only way I knew how to help."

His eyes searched hers he was looking for something but for the life of her she didn't know what.

"Why?"

"What kind of idiotic question is that?" She took a deep breath steadying her frazzled nerves. "Because I've already had everything else in my life taken away and I couldn't lose you too." She had almost whispered the words to him not knowing if she was truly ready to have this discussion with him.

The stunned look on his face gave her a moment to change the subject and she jumped at the chance.

"How do you feel?"

His eyes narrowed. She knew that he had caught on to her diversion but he seemed like he was willing to let it go for now.

"Like I've been run through with a huge pole."

"Smart ass. Do you think you can move?"

He sighed. "Yeah think it will be all right."

"It should be dark outside by now maybe we could head to your old crypt and you can finish healing there."

"I think I can make it that far."

She let him slowly sit up and went to stand in front of him. Reaching for his hand she pulled him slowly to his feet and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Grabbing him by the belt loop on his jeans she helped him walk out of the basement.

It took them a bit of time to make it to the crypt with her half carrying Spike for most of the way. The pain was still getting to him and Buffy was sure he had almost passed out a couple of times.

She kicked the door open grinning at the familiar bang it made as it slammed against the wall. She had kind of missed that noise. Half dragging his body inside she pulled until he was in front of the sarcophagus that was the centerpiece of the crypt. Pushing him gently she lowered him down so he could finally relax. She watched as he fought a shudder against the obvious pain he was feeling.

"Spike are you going to be okay here by yourself?"

"I guess so. Why?"

"You're going to need more blood and I need to get something to eat." In response her stomach growled reminding her that the bowl of cereal she had the morning before was way gone.

He nodded at her and she took her time to look around at the crypt. She hadn't been back here since had left Dawn here with Clem after Spike had left to get his soul. It seemed like such a long time ago. The fridge and the chair were still there but the TV was gone. Why anyone would want to take that hunk of junk she had no idea.

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

As she closed the door behind her she wondered exactly where she was going to go. She still didn't have any money with her let alone any kind of identification. All of it was in her purse which happened to be, well it wasn't home any more was it. It was at the house where her friends and her sister lived. Eventually she was going to have to make a trip there just to get some of her things. And it would have to be soon wearing the same clothes was really grossing her out.

Picking a direction she headed for the hospital. Maybe with the exodus she had witnessed yesterday there wouldn't be so many people there.

She was pleasantly surprised to find the place deserted like everywhere else. Luckily there was enough light at the security guard station for her to locate a flashlight. Picking her way through the darkened halls she searched signs and finally found what she was looking for.

Pushing the door open she couldn't believe her luck as she found a styrofoam cooler and made a triumphant yell as she pushed the fridge at the back open to find still cool bags of blood lining the shelves. Grabbing as many as she could carry in the cooler she put the lid back on and picked her way back out of the silent building.

She wondered how long it would be before word spread that the threat in Sunnydale was gone. Once the news was out it wouldn't take long for everyone to come back. It was sad really cause she was getting used to the quiet. She had never known the town to be this peaceful before and it was a shame that it was going to end.

Once outside she headed to the nearest store secure in the knowledge that just about everyone had left town already.

She grabbed a few snack food items that could be eaten out of the package and headed back to the crypt a feeling of accomplishment radiating through her being. Maybe she would be all right on her own.

This time she actually opened the door like she was supposed to. She didn't want to disturb him if he was sleeping.

She hadn't needed to worry about that though she was greeted by the sight of him sitting up on the sarcophagus staring in the dark.

"What are you doing?" Oops that was a little too much irritation in her voice.

He just gave her a glare she could only half see since she didn't shine the flashlight in his face. She set the cooler and bag of food down on the floor and made her way around looking for some matches. Finding some on one of the ledges she used it to start lighting the candles around the room.

Task accomplished she shut off the flashlight and went back to the goods she had come back with. Opening the cooler she took out one of the bags and walked over to where he was still sitting watching her intently. Without saying anything she handed it to him and walked back so she could get something to eat for herself. She really was starving.

Tearing open a package she settled herself on the floor and began happily chewing. Why did it seem like everything tasted good when you were hungry?

"Where did you get this?" She looked up sharply at his irritated voice.

"Where do you think I got it?"

"It's human."

"Well duh."

"Buffy what are you doing?" She wondered when she was going to ever stop hearing that question.

"I'm trying to get you better you dope. Human blood will help you heal faster. Besides with the electricity off all that stuff isn't even going to be able to be used for transfusions. So you're not hurting anybody." She continued to munch on the beef jerky she had opened and pulled a water from the bag.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Why did he have to irritate her this way? She gently placed her water on the floor and set aside the food.

"Look I'm trying to help you. What's with the twenty questions?"

"Let me think. Maybe cause you're trying to help me?" Had she really been that cruel to him that even now he had to wonder when she wanted to help him? She hung her head shamed with the thought that it was her fault that he felt that way around her.

"Spike really I just want to help you." She looked back up at him again studying how the candlelight played against his features. "I wanted to help you like you helped me last night."

"I didn't do anything Buffy." His voice had gentled she noticed and gave a sigh in relief that they had a chance to talk about this and not fight.

"You're wrong Spike. What you did was huge. Do you really think I could have faced Caleb today and beaten him without the strength you gave me last night? Or that I could have gone back and killed him without being able to trust you to help the others and make sure they were okay?"

"Of course you could have pet. You didn't need me for that." She shook her head at him sadly.

"I would have ended up dead and you know it. If I had gone in there with the stuff from last night rolling around my brain I would have been so distracted he would have killed me in seconds. I know it. But you, God you gave me a feeling of strength I've never experienced and all you did was be there for me. Don't you get it? You are the only one left who still believes in me."

She was shocked when he got up and strode over to her angrily. He kneeled in front of her, eyes locking with hers.

"Don't talk like that. They still believe in you."

She couldn't help it. The laughter, harsh and bitter as it was, bubbled out of her throat on its own.

"Don't you get it Spike? They don't want me. It was made perfectly clear to me last night. For what ever reason I don't belong there anymore." The laughter stopped as suddenly as it began. And now with nothing to focus on, every crisis averted her words sunk into her. The loud sob that tore through her throat releasing her tears.

She hardly reacted as his arms wrapped around her trying to steady her as she shook with the force of her grief. It was time for her to deal with this and God she didn't want to. But there was no getting around it now she needed to face facts. As of right now she had no home.

Buffy was thankful that he was able to hold her for so long. Without the support of his arms she was sure she would have sunk down into a puddle on the floor. With him there she was able to hold on to a little sliver of self-control and not lose herself entirely to grief. Feeling the sobs lessen she began to let her brain kick in and start thinking about the next step she would take.

She was surprised when he handed her a napkin. Giving him a grateful smile she used it to dry her eyes and blow her nose.

He sat down in front of her in much the same position they had been in on the Hellmouth.

"Thank you." He tilted his head at her and she wondered at what thought was going through his head. "What?"

"I don't think I'll get used to you saying that."

"Well hold on cause I've got one that will shock you more. I'm sorry." The change in his face almost made her laugh if this wasn't so serious. "I mean it Spike I'm sorry. I've been a royal bitch to you since the moment we met."

"Um I might have deserved it pet." She saw the gentle smile that tugged at his lips.

"Come on. Well maybe that first year and okay when you came for the Gem of Amara but after that? I'm sorry. I was cruel and heartless and generally just bitchy. Why you haven't just found a way to kill me I'll never understand."

"You know why." He said it quietly but she knew what he meant.

"I do know. Which is even more reason that you baffle me. I mean you have every reason to hate me." She looked deeply into the blue of his eyes. "I hate me for it."

"Don't say that. There isn't anything about you that you should be ashamed of or hate." She took his hand.

"You see that's what I'm talking about."

"Why are you really doing all this pet?" Time to face the music apparently.

"Really I just wanted to. I know that it might be hard for you to accept this but in my own way I do care for you. It isn't love and actually sometimes I'm really sorry it isn't, but you are someone I trust." She looked at the hopeful look in his eyes. "I like to think we might actually be friends. Maybe that isn't what you want to hear but to me that means a hell of a lot."

"Do you mean that luv?"

"Yeah you silly vampire. I treasure my friends and I'll protect them no matter what."

"I know. Tell me one thing pet?"

"What?"

"Why now? Is it just because of what happened last night?" How could someone with such a life span be so insecure?

"No. Haven't you noticed it since you came back? I don't know what caused it but I don't care. Everything that's happened this year has only made it more obvious. Couldn't you tell by the way I reacted to what Wood and Giles tried to do? How much I defended you to the others? And today. I really thought I was going to lose you."

"No chance of that. To stubborn to just dust."

She laughed. This time it was with genuine joy.

"So are you okay with this?"

"I think so pet."

"Good. How do you feel now?"

"Still a bit sore but its better. So what now?"

"See that's a good question." She nodded at him. "I've been thinking about it."

"And?" She let the mood turn somber knowing that this was a big step for her.

"Maybe its time I left."

"What here?" He was confused again.

"No I mean Sunnydale."

"Um care to explain that a little pet?"

"Look every year we face a new big bad trying to take over the world or destroy it or whatever right? And every year they get a little bit stronger and tougher. But there isn't any reason why they all choose Sunnydale as their little getaway spot. I know it's the Hellmouth but Giles told me it's not the only one. So why do they all migrate here?"

She watched as his eyes filled with understanding.

"Right cause this is the only place with a bona fide slayer. The one that's defied death twice. I must look like the biggest conquest since Everest. But if I relocate say maybe to Cleveland eventually word will spread and they will follow me there. Leaving good old Sunnyhell with a lot less demon activity and leaving this place safer for the people who still live at 1630 Revello."

"Even with what they did to you, you still want to protect them?"

"Just because they suddenly lost their minds doesn't mean I don't want to protect them. Especially Dawn. The way I figure it I'm probably the only Slayer in history that has guarded one spot for so long. Well none have lived as long as I have but that's beside the point. Most of the others traveled until they found something that needed killing. Maybe by being here I'm placing everyone in more danger than necessary."

"Is this what you really want to do?"

"Does that matter? I don't think there has been a time in my life when I've actually made a choice that I wanted. So again not the point. But I do think that this is probably my best bet." She paused in thought for a moment. "But there are a few problems with my plan."

"Like what?"

"Well the biggest of course is money. I don't have any and its not like I can wipe out the bank account I do have and leave nothing for Dawn. Then there is getting there. Not sure how I'm gonna work that. Then once I get there I need a place to live and a job and transportation and a zillion other things that I'm sure I haven't thought of."

"Buffy are you really serious about this?"

"Look at my face Spike."

"Right your resolve face, no joking." He sighed and moved his hand from hers. "I do know some people in Cleveland they owe me a couple of favors. Could get you set up with what you need."

"Really?"

"If its what you want pet."

"Yeah it is." She watched as a look of sadness crept over his features. "Spike would you want to go with me?" She didn't know why she asked but the thought of being in a strange city totally on her own was kind of frightening. "I mean I understand if you want to stay here and all. You don't have to. And I have to admit I wouldn't worry at all about Dawn if you were still here. And I'm babbling and I'll just shut up now."

"Did you just ask me to come to Cleveland with you?"

"Um yes." She gave him a nervous smile. "It would be nice to have a friend there."

"You know there isn't anything here for me. I'd move heaven and earth to be where you are Buffy." He gave her a smile in return. "When do you want to leave?"

"I think tomorrow night. I have to take care of a few things during the day."

"Tomorrow night it is pet."

"You should feed some more Spike and get some sleep."

They spent the remainder of the night eating in silence until Spike rested again on top of the sarcophagus and Buffy settled into the chair after blowing out the candles.

"Goodnight Spike."

"Night Buffy."

Dawn opened the front door slowly glad that the living room was empty for once. The entire household had been out today after Giles had told them about the phone call he'd gotten the night before. Taking in deep breath she savored the silence. Even if she was a teenager that many girls in one house was too much.

She took a moment to wonder about the news they had received from the Coven. Caleb was dead, the First was history and the Hellmouth had been sealed. Although they were at a loss to explain it Dawn knew exactly what had happened. Buffy had somehow found a way to defeat the big bad just like she always did.

The thought of her sister sent a pang through her heart. How could they have been so heartless to her? Why didn't she stand up and defend her like she had wanted to do. It shouldn't have mattered what Giles had said. Buffy was the one that always without fail, kept the world from ending. Who were they to question her when she knew what needed to be done. But she hadn't she had stood there and asked her only family to leave the house they shared.

During the course of the last two days they had searched for her but they always arrived too late. She had already gone by the time they got there. They had found Caleb's headless corpse of course and inwardly she had done a little happy dance that her sister had managed to take out the crazy priest. But she had been long gone by the judge of things. And it had continued like that. They would arrive somewhere maybe see a clue about what went on or maybe not but she was nowhere to be found. Today she had even managed the trip to Spike's old crypt the locator spell telling them that she was there. But again by the time they arrived no Buffy.

She was really starting to worry about her sister. Sure she was an adult and able to take care of herself but it wasn't like they had ever been apart for this long. Not in her real memories. So she worried. And she was not really willing to admit that she was worried about Spike too. No one had heard from him since he went to go find her sister and for him to stay away that long was unheard of.

So everyone had been out of the house either helping to search, or doing a grocery run, or going to the launder mat (one of the girls had finally broken the washing machine) or any number of other chores. Leaving a nice empty house for Dawn to come home to.

She stopped as she neared the stairs noticing that one of the pictures of her mom was missing. That seemed odd to her. Shrugging she made her way upstairs heading towards her room.

Reaching the top step she paused looking at the door to her sister's room. Like she did so many times when her sister was dead she couldn't help the sudden urge to open the door and look in. Turning the knob slowly she let the hinges swing open on their own. What she saw made her gasp.

In the center of the bed was a shiny red weapon of some sort. She had never seen it before and knew it wasn't part of the others collections. She stepped closer to the bed and noticed an envelope propped up against it. In her sister's handwriting she saw her name scrawled across it.

She reached out with a trembling hand and grabbed the envelope. Turning it in her hand she opened it slowly and drew out the pieces of paper inside.

******

Dawnie,

I just wanted you to know that I'm okay and everything is all right. I gather from the emptiness of the house that everyone knows that Caleb and the First have been taken care of. Surprisingly it was easier than we all thought it would be but I don't want to bore you with the details. Maybe some time soon I'll tell you.

I wanted to tell you that I'm not mad at you or the others for that matter. I love you Dawnie and I always will. I understand what happened the other night and while I may not agree with it I'm okay. Don't get me wrong it still hurt and probably will for a long time but we're family and nothing is ever going change the way I feel about you.

That said I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear or read I guess since I'm writing this but anyway, I'm leaving town. Don't try to run out and find me I'm on my way as we speak. Or I write. Whatever. I'm doing this because I think it's for the best. I'll let you know where I am as soon as I get settled.

There are lots of reasons that I'm going and I just want you to know that it wasn't you. Don't ever think that okay? I finally realized that my living in the same town was actually drawing more of the big bads instead of getting rid of them. So this is safer for everyone. Remember I only do what I need to protect you. I realize that you're growing up and it sounds like I don't but this is what I am. I hope you understand that.

I've taken care of a few things that I need you to tell Giles about. First I've petitioned the court to make Giles your legal guardian. This will keep you from having to go into a foster home and believe me when I tell you I want to make sure that doesn't happen. There shouldn't be a problem but he'll have to stay in the states until you turn 18. Also I went to the bank and had them put the bank accounts in your name. You have full access to them not that we had much but there's enough in there to pay the bills that are due this month. The account numbers are on the back of this letter. I also had them put the house in your name and gave Giles power of attorney over it. That way he can help take care of it until you turn 18, but it also means you'll have to take over the payments. He can look up all the other stuff but this should leave you in good shape until you can legally live on your own. I'll probably send for the rest of my stuff so if you want to pack it up that's up to you. The extra bedroom might be nice for Giles to use since he'll have to stay there now. Of course it would be kind of fitting if you had him stay in the basement. Just a thought.

I guess your wondering about the scythe on the bed. It was the weapon that Caleb was hiding from us. Used the thing to slice his head off. Trust me when I say it was so worth it. I don't know what it is for sure and I'm sure Giles can figure it out. I want Faith to have it. I know its supposed to belong to a slayer its something I can feel and she might need it.

You can let the others know that I still care about them and while I'm not holding any grudges I seriously don't think I can face them right now. That's why I'm only leaving you a letter. I'm truly hurt by what they did and I don't know when I'll be able to look any of them in the eye without a lot of yelling and general anger.

Make sure to tell Willow to take it easy on the magic (I know you guys have been doing locator spells like crazy, you can smell the stuff all through the house). Tell Xander that I'm sorry I failed him. I know I should have protected him better. Let Giles know that I know he's disappointed in me and while it hurts to say but I'm kind of disappointed in him too. I thought so much better of him than the stuff he's done this year. And tell Faith no hard feelings; guess its just another bump in our rocky relationship.

I know this is an awful lot for me to dump on you but I really am not comfortable showing up with everyone around. And it’s probably easier on everyone if I just leave like this. Pretty much everyone got their chance at saying goodbye don't you think?

One last thing. Don't worry about Spike. He's agreed to come with me and help get me set up. I know that the others will be up in arms about that but without his help I wouldn't have been able to face Caleb and win. He believed in me and I needed that. He's not sure if he's coming back or not but he told me to let you know that he's sorry you guys didn't get a chance to try and make things right between you. He still cares about you a lot and you're the only thing he's going to miss in this God forsaken hell hole (His words.). We've come to an understanding so to speak and its good to know that I'll have a friend when I get to where I'm going.

I love you Dawnie and I only want what’s best for you. I hope this gives you the opportunity to make your own choices in your life something I never got to have. But that’s the point isn't it? I want you to have it better than I did. So I want you to promise me that you'll go back to acting like the teen you are and worrying about being popular and boys and clothes and schoolwork like all the other girls your age. Please don't let that stupid town steal your childhood like it did mine.

That's it for now I guess and I hope to drop you a letter in a week to let you and you alone to know where you can reach me. Don't ever think that I don't care or that you can't depend on me in an emergency. I refuse to act like that sorry excuse for a Father we have. But I've gone on long enough and Spike is waiting for me to hurry my ass up (again his words).

I love you always,

Buffy

********

Dawn looked up from the letter in her hands and glanced around the room. She noticed that Mr. Gordo was gone from his spot on the bed, there were a few pictures missing from the vanity mirror and she could see the closet door was open.

She really had packed what she wanted and left.

Dawn sank to the bed and let the tears wash down her face

The trip to Cleveland had been a little uncomfortable but pretty uneventful as road trips went. She only wished that they hadn't had to take the Desoto. She still hated that thing. Not that she let Spike know that, he still thought of it as his baby.

They stopped at a few motels during the day and traveled mostly at night. She was sure that the black windows would get them noticed by every highway patrolman on the way.

They had compromised on music switching every hour to something the other would like. It was different the easy way they were dealing with each other now. While it was kind of strange Buffy enjoyed it. They had never talked much about anything before and now it was like the floodgates opened wide. She had found out stuff about him that she was sure no one ever knew. And she also knew that if she ever told anyone about it he would kill her.

But she was okay with that. It was good that they were learning to be open with each other. She felt the need to be avoidy girl with him drift further and further away. In one way she had found the friend she had looked for her entire life. She didn't need to hold anything back from him and he refused to judge her. Willow had tried, bless her, but she had never been able not to really judge her by her actions as both Buffy and the Slayer. But here with Spike of all people she had gotten total acceptance. And in return her heart felt lighter than it had in years.

Three days of constant driving had finally taken their toll however as they finally rolled into Cleveland. Both of them were tired and cranky but had managed not to snap at each other.

"Where do we head now?"

"Think we should hole up for the rest of the night. We'll search out the guys tomorrow."

"Thank God. No offense but I just want to get the hell out of the car."

He chuckled at her. "I agree pet."

Buffy searched through her purse locating the rest of the bills she had managed to bring with her. "We've got a little less than a hundred dollars so no upscale hotel for us."

She cocked her head and studied him for a moment. "You have enough blood left in the cooler?"

"One more bag. It's enough to get me through tonight." She nodded slowly.

"Well I don't know about you but I could really use some real food. The fast food thing is starting to make me really sick."

"I'll see what we can scrounge up." As he stopped at a light he stole a glance at her. "You doin okay?"

"Stop being silly. I'm fine." She couldn't help it she looked into his eyes. That always did it. "Okay I miss Dawn. You happy now?"

"Yeah I miss the Nibblet too. Hope the others are treating her good."

"She'll be fine Spike. They all love her." She watched as the buildings passed by lights burning as the sky started to lighten with the coming dawn.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" Her voice was barely above a whisper but she knew he could hear her.

"Is there a right thing? You did what you thought was best Buffy. Just like you always do." He was silent for a moment and Buffy was worried that he thought differently. "If I told you that there wasn't a right decision, that no matter what happened it still would end up wrong, would you still wonder if what you did was right?" He pulled the car into the parking lot of a seedy looking motel and turned off the engine. When he turned towards her she felt her breath hitch in her throat.

"Sometimes I think that we've all taken so much from you that there isn't much more you could give. And yet you keep trying and giving. What you did for the Bit was one of the most selfless things I've ever seen. So while I don't think there was a single right thing, I do believe that you did what was right for her." She let him take her hand in his. "You know how much I care about you Buffy, I can't hide that from you. But I would never hesitate to tell you when I think your makin' a bloody stupid mistake."

She had to smile at that. He really would tell her exactly what he thought. His honesty was something she had learned to rely on even before she had let them become friends. And yes while sometimes the truth was painful he never hid it from her.

"Thank you Spike." She squeezed his hand in return before letting it go.

"Lets get checked in and get some food."

"Now that sounds like a plan."

*******

While she had managed to avoid the trap of greasy fast food again the meal at the little chain restaurant still left something to be desired. But at least she was full as she made her way back to the room she was sharing with Spike. It was good that they were comfortable with each other, sharing one bed in a motel was a lot cheaper then getting two rooms.

She opened the door just far enough so that she could squeeze inside very conscious of the light that tried to follow her into the room. Closing the door softly she took a minute to let her eyes adjust to the darkness. She could see he was already sleeping on the bed. Quietly she took her bag into the bathroom and got into the shower.

She marveled at the simple changes in their relationship over the last few days. Sometimes she wondered if this all happened because he had finally broken through to her when she was at her lowest point or if getting her whole soul back had made her change so much. Mostly she knew it didn't matter but the little niggle at the back of her thoughts worried her. What if all the hateful things she had done the year before was because she was missing part of her soul? Or even worse what if the soul had nothing to do with it and she had done it anyway? Was that really who she was?

There were times in the middle of the night, or day depending on her sleep pattern, when that thought would rear its ugly head. She liked to think that she wasn't that type of person. That the good others saw in her was truly there. But when she looked back at every single instance she wasn't so sure.

She had failed each of her friends in turn. Had left her sister so desperate for attention she had turned to shoplifting and wishing that none of them could ever leave her house. And Spike. There were no words for the things she had done to him. If she had only used him, or simply hated him then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But she had done so much worse.

In the last few days there were times when she would just watch him sleeping and try to comprehend how he could still love her. She had meant it when she had told him that she hated herself for what she did to him. It wasn't something she could easily get over. And even if the fact that he was a vampire had let her believe he couldn't have loved her she knew deep in her gut that he did have feelings. The fact that she had hurt him intentionally, hoping to grind the feelings out of him, was so evil and vindictive that she found herself praying that she wasn't that girl.

But she was. In her heart she knew that while he still clung to seeing the good and the light in her, she could feel the darkness too. It wasn't always noticeable and often it was buried deep but it was still there. How did the warrior of the light end up like this? Could she have been so bad before or was it the some of all the pain in her life that had drug it out.

She turned off the shower and began to dry herself off. Thoughts like these caused her nothing but heartache and she knew it. But her mind refused to let her move on from the subject. It was starting to be a maddening circle and truth be told she was a little tired of it. It really was the only thing she hadn't discussed with him. Three days of travel and she didn't have a very long life story. Besides he had been there for a good chunk of it. He didn't have that problem however. One tends to have a bit more to talk about if they've lived over a hundred years.

Dressed in a simple t-shirt and some shorts she finally pushed those troubling facts from her mind. They had no place in the head of sleepy girl any way and it was time for her to get some rest. She pulled the comforter back and slid into the sheets smiling a little as Spike turned towards her in his sleep. Getting comfortable at last she let her eyes drift shut.

*********

She felt better when she awoke to the sound of the shower running. It was still light outside judging from the glow on the curtains but she felt rested. She turned onto her back letting her mind drift in that place between sleep and wakefulness where one didn't have to think.

The sound of the bathroom door opening snapped her out of the trance she was in. It must have been closer to sleep then she realized. Propping herself onto her elbows she looked as he walked into the room.

"Hey."

"Hey pet. Sleep well?"

"Yep. And you?"

"Like the dead luv."

"Could that be cause you are dead?" She let out a snort. "So what's the plan?"

"Need to call the bloke to find out where we meet them. Other then that?" He shrugged.

She looked him over critically. "I think it's time you did your hair again."

"What are you jabberin' about woman?"

She gestured towards his head. "You, your hair when was the last time you did it?"

"I don't remember."

"Well trust me it's time."

"Does it really look that bad?" The note of insecurity in his voice was kind of endearing.

"No not if you want the two-tone look. Which by the way looks okay on you, but if your still going for Billy Idol than you need to do it." She thought for a minute. "By the way how did you ever know when to do it? I mean without the reflection and all."

"Had a lady that did it for me after Dru left. She came to see me when it was time to get it done. Lately I've had to kind of guess."

She thought about that for a minute. "Well I'll be more than happy to tell you. I'll even help you do it if you want."

He tilted his head at her she could tell he was asking her something without speaking.

"What I can't be seen with someone who's roots are showing now can I? I do have standards to maintain." The tease in her voice must have finally gotten to him as a wet towel hit her head. "Hey!"

He gave her a smirk and shrugged his shoulders making his way to the phone on the bedside table.

*********

When he had said that he knew a couple of guys that owed him a favor Buffy had for some reason pictured other humans. Thinking back she knew that it was kind of silly of her. So now she was sitting here watching as Spike called in his debts from another vampire and God help her a Chaos Demon. He had been right the antlers were majorly with the ewww.

They seemed to have most of it settled although she could tell they weren't the least bit happy about making these arrangements with the Slayer of all beings. She couldn't say she blamed them. Word got out and they would likely be toast. Not that it should really concern her but it did. The last few years of meeting demons she didn't have to kill was starting to get a little confusing.

She studied Spike as they talked really reading his body language. She could tell he was really tense but was trying to mask it with his swagger and bravado. He was really good at it. A stranger would have no idea and be totally intimidated.

She thought back to a time when they were still mortal enemies before they had made that little truce to send Angelus to hell. He was a very dangerous foe and at the time she had found it very hard to read him. It was something she had acknowledged years ago. If there was a vamp out there who could take her it would have been Spike. She had been lucky on more than one occasion with him and in some ways it was a good thing that he had had such a soft spot for Drusilla. Very likely that was the one thing she used that had kept her from being his third.

But she had to say as thrilling as it was for him to be her enemy it was even better now that he was an ally. She couldn't count the times when it was so much easier having someone watch her back that she didn't have to protect. Sure he still got injured and she could even say he got injured a lot but he wasn't like the others. There was always that fear in the back of her mind that they would end up dead inches away from her while she was helpless to stop it. And most of the time in a serious fight well the sleep of the unconscious had claimed them more than once. So yeah she was thankful that things had worked out as they had.

He was nodding at them and Buffy sensed that they were finally finished. She stood up and waited for him to join her.

"Well?" She asked as she fell in step beside him heading to where they had parked the Desoto.

" 'S all set up pet."

"What did you set up exactly?" She had to admit she was really curious.

"It's a surprise."

"Spike." She put as much of the irritation she felt into his name as she could.

"Nope gonna have to wait pet."

They drove a few blocks through town and Spike pulled the car up to a large brick building. She watched as he turned the car off and stepped out.

"Coming?"

She got out of the car and followed him up the few steps and into a lobby area. It wasn't the Ritz but the lobby was clean with fresh paint on the walls. The tile floor was a little worn but in good shape. She noted the line of mailboxes as they walked by and made their way to an old elevator. When the doors opened they stepped inside and Spike pushed the button for the fourth floor. The jerky rise of the elevator was kind of unsettling but it stopped at the designated floor and the doors slid open easily.

She followed him as he made his way down the narrow hallway. It was in the same condition as the lobby, well lived in but not in disrepair and it gave her kind of a warm homey feeling. He stopped in front of the third door and took out some keys from his pocket. Inserting one into the lock she was fascinated as the door swung open.

Stepping inside the apartment she took in a sharp breath. The doorway opened into a spacious living room one large window on the wall to her right. So she could tell they were in a corner apartment. The room was furnished and although nothing was fancy there was a couple of armchairs and a comfortable looking couch. In front of the couch was a small coffee table and beyond that was an older TV.

Looking to the left she saw the room opened up to a small kitchen and dining area. There was a small dinette set and she could hear the hum of the refrigerator working.

Straight ahead she could see partway down a hallway that had four doors. She glanced at Spike and saw that he was watching her reactions with a lot of concern and curiosity. Using her eyes to ask the question she only moved when he nodded at her.

Walking down the hallway she opened each of the doors in turn. The first was a hall closet not huge by any means but enough to hold a few simple towels and other linens. The second was a small guest bathroom. Standard tub/shower a toilet and sink. The room across from that was slightly bigger than her bedroom back home and was also furnished with a bed. Next to the bed was a simple nightstand and a small dresser. Opening the last door she was surprised at the size of what seemed to be the master bedroom. It was larger than her mother's old room and was also fully furnished. There was one window on the far wall and the bed was to the right of it. The room also had a small nightstand and dresser as well and a comfy looking chair in the corner. On the wall opposite the window there were two doors. The first held what was the master bath and unlike the one in the hallway it was a good size. What caught her eye though was the large size tub that the room was built around. The other door held a walk in closet that was easily twice the size of the one she had had in Sunnydale.

She turned in wonder to find Spike standing directly behind her.

"What do you think luv?"

"What? I mean how? What?" Okay she was having a lot of trouble with coherent thoughts.

"Can I take it that you like it then?"

She could only nod her head enthusiastically in response. Taking her hand he pressed the keys into her palm.

"Then it’s yours."

She glanced down to the keys in her hand and back up to his face.

"Are you serious?"

When he nodded at her suddenly she could begin to think again.

"Spike I can't take this. It's way too much."

"It's already in your name pet. Rents due the first of the month and you pay the electric, cable and phone."

"Really I can't..."

"Don't."

She looked at him seeing the apprehension in his features. Nodding slowly she let her fingers curl around the keys.

"I don't even know how to thank you."

"There's a bit more."

"More than this?"

"You have a job at the video store round the corner. Starts at minimum wage but the hours are two to ten. Should work nicely with patrolling."

"Spike how is this possible?"

"Told you those blokes owed me. 'S not much." He shrugged at her.

"Do I even want to know what you did that they owed you this much? Spike..." She looked straight into his eyes. "Really thank you. I don't know what else to say."

"Just tell me you like it."

"Spike I love it."

"Good enough then. Lets say we go get our things from the car?"

It didn't take them very long to move their few meager belongings into the new apartment. And it took even less time for them to unpack them.

"Spike how is it possible that these guys could set this up?" She was reclining on the couch happy that she didn't have to spend any more time in the car.

"This isn't Sunnydale pet. Things work a little differently here. Cleveland has a pretty big demon community that’s fairly harmless. This part of town is pretty much demon owned."

"So mostly they're upstanding members of the community? Why is it so different here then things weren't like that in Sunnydale."

"Not all demons are interested in death and destruction. Most just want the chance to have a regular life. Sunnydale's always been where the troublemakers head. 'S why I headed out there myself."

"You mean 'cause the Slayer was there. Does that mean I'm gonna mess things up here too?"

He flopped himself down in the armchair closest to her.

"No. Means that if a big bad did come to town they would want you to know about it. You'll have reliable information and won't have to stoop to goin' to a place like Willie's."

She looked at him seriously for a moment.

"Spike are you going to stay?"

He seemed to give the thought serious consideration before answering.

"Buffy I'll stay as long as you want me around. And probably a little longer. Is that okay with you?"

"Would I have asked you to come if it wasn't? I'm glad you're here and not just because of this." She gestured around at the apartment.

"Thanks."

For days now Dawn had run to the mailbox as the postman had stopped by. She wasn't sure if she was that anxious for the letter she knew her sister would be sending or if she was just so desperate to keep the others from seeing it.

Buffy had been right of course and the gang had gone all ballistic the moment she had told them that Spike was with her. The yelling seemed to go on for days and Dawn wasn't really sure what they were more upset about. The fact that she chose leave or that Spike had gone with her.

It had finally gotten on her last nerve the night before as everyone was eating some dinner. She had to admit that the house had started to get a little quieter now that some of the potentials had begun to go home. She even could get up from her bed and not have to step over the bodies of girls to make her way to the bathroom and that was definitely of the good. But the somber mood that swirled around the core group was almost unbearable to be around.

Of course Xander had started the yelling fest as he usually did and she had wondered why the hell she had ever had a crush on the guy. He was so hypocritical and down right bigoted against demons in general that he couldn't see the large gray area she had started to notice when Spike had become her friend. So he had ranted about how Buffy was spending time with the evil undead and was giving up on her duties protecting the hellmouth and raising her. Thought she was totally irresponsible leaving Dawn to be taken care of by Giles and moving to God knows where. Soon of course the others had chimed in with there own thoughts about what her sister did and how wrong it was, the arguments going back and forth over and over again. After the fifth or sixth reference to her sister throwing her life away and not following her calling she had finally broken.

It was good that she was still so young in a way. She hated to think what the house would have been like had she been a few years older and as set in her ways as they were. But she wasn't and it hadn't really taken her that much time to actually see what was going on around her.

"That's enough!" It had been good to give a good solid yell one that wasn't accompanied by that ear-piercing wail she used to use. "If I have to hear any of you say one more bad thing about Buffy or Spike I'm gonna scream. Do you think this is what she actually wanted? That she was gonna leave her home and her friends and everything she cared about behind and be happy about it?" She had retaken her seat in her chair letting her voice return to normal. She wasn't sure if they were too stunned to talk or if they held their tongue because some of what she said struck a nerve with them.

"She's been gone for almost a week now and all you guys do is bicker over the fact that Spike went with her. You think she left the Hellmouth unguarded and let me fend for myself. Did you guys not pay any attention to what she's done? She still took care of me. Yeah she's not here but it's not like we gave her much of a choice is it? So she did what she could and had a responsible adult take up as my guardian. She took care of all the financial stuff that I had no clue about and Giles didn't even know. She made sure she took out the latest Big Bad and left before the next one came to town to look for her." She took a deep breath. "I know that in her heart she did what was best for all of us just like she always did. And I don't know about you but it hurts when I think about what we said to her. Do you think it hurt her any less that we used words to throw her out of her own house?"

"The point is we did this to her. She didn't ask for it and she didn't deserve it. I don't know what it is about you guys. Is it because she didn't say goodbye to you or that she thinks she can make a life without you in it? Cause given the fact that we all turned on her like a bunch of injured animals I wouldn't want us in my life either. So be mad if you want not that it will do any good and feel free to take on as much guilt as you can carry cause that's what I'm doing, but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you guys bash her for leaving. And even though you guys don't want to hear it maybe it is a good thing that Spike is going with her. He's the only one she can still trust and if its true that he can help her well that makes sense doesn't it? So this is the last thing I care to say about this. She is still my sister and I still love her. If she can manage to find even a little scrap of happiness out there then good for her. I think her life has been hard enough already. When you guys are ready to act like the adults your supposed to be then you can come talk to me."

She had walked out of the room her head held high, the silence behind her easing her mind.

No one had spoken to her all morning and for some strange reason Dawn was okay with that. It wasn't like they were never going to talk to her again but they needed time to get their own thoughts straight.

Pulling the mail out of the box she was glad to see the small envelope in her sisters scrawl. Dumping the other mail back inside of the mailbox she took the letter and sat with her back against the tree Buffy used to use to get in and out of her window.

*******

Hey Dawnie,

Told you I would write. Where to start? Okay. First I'm gonna tell you that I'm in Cleveland. Giles can take a deep breath and relax this Slayer is still guarding over a hellmouth. It is after all my destiny blah blah blah. It's different here not like Sunnydale at all and I think I'm gonna like it.

So I thought long and hard about this Dawn and I'm thinking that I shouldn't give you my full address. Now don't do that hear me out. I think the overwhelming temptation for you to come to wherever I am is something that is only going to get stronger as time goes by. And I know you Dawnie. The others might not realize it but you are the sneakiest girl I know. So this way the temptation isn't all there. At least you know what city I'm in. So how do we keep in touch you ask? Well I thought I would go ahead and keep sending you these letters to the house and if you want you can have Xander take whatever you want to send to Willie's (Don't you dare go yourself you know it's too dangerous) Spike and I've set up a system that will get it to us. Tell Xan and Giles its useless for them to try to get it out of Willy this goes way passed him and we didn't give him any info. Please like he could keep a secret he's worse than Andrew.

So what else? Oh Spike got us this terrific two-bedroom apartment. I love it Dawn it's gorgeous. I never thought that he would have such good connections but wow. Anyway it was already furnished and everything.

He got me a job too. No working at the Doublemeat for me. I could almost squeal. It's at a video store, which is so up my alley the hours are perfect 2-10 not too early and I get out early enough to take care of patrolling. And hello free rentals! My boss is nice and hey any thing beats not having to smell like grease.

Spike has decided to stay and I'm kind of glad. I really would miss him if he left you know? I know big turn around huh? But it's true. We've been talking and I think I've finally found someone I don't have to be all avoidy with you know? Who knew that Spike of all people would make such a great friend? Well probably you. I wish I had listened to you more about that. Sometimes I get a little jealous with the way you seem to be able to read people. It was something Mom was good at too. Guess I missed that little piece of the gene pool.

I hope everyone is treating you okay. I know that they've probably been with the yelling and the screaming with me and I know that is not so pleasant. I don't know how you feel about any of this and I hope that one day you'll at least understand why I did the things I did. Cause you know as far as I know you could have torn this letter up with the first paragraph. But I hope not.

I love you and I miss my bratty little sister. I hope you know that I will be waiting to hear from you. Picture me sitting in front of the mailbox just staring at it day and night until I get a letter. But I'll understand if you don't want too.

I should go now today I have to go to work and afterwards Spike and I are going on our first patrol out here. Tell everyone that I'm okay and I think about them. (Still mad and hurt though) Someday soon I hope to get up enough nerve to talk to them and tell you the truth it will probably be Willow first. But you probably knew that. Don't let them drive you too crazy.

I love you and I will write again soon I promise.

Love,

Buffy


******

Without even realizing she had flown into the house and up the stairs to her room. Digging around she finally found a pen and some paper. She flounced herself on the bed and began to write

God she was bored. Not just the I haven't done anything lately kind of bored but the I'm-stuck-in-the-house-with-nothing-to-do-and-oodles-of-energy kind of bored.

She had straightened the living room, paced the apartment like six times, rearranged their meager video collection three times, tried hard to get involved in an episode of Jerry Springer, wrote her sister a letter ripped it up and wrote a second letter. Nothing was holding her interest in the slightest.

The only thing of course that would be worse is the fact that she didn't have to work tonight, it was pouring buckets outside so she couldn't go slay anything and her vampire roommate was still sleeping even though it was nearing seven-thirty. She knew it was close to dusk and he was still shut away in his room. Meaning that she had to keep trying to be quiet and after six straight hours of boredom it was wearing on her nerves.

She had thought about going out anywhere really just to get out of the apartment but having only been here for a week she was still a little unsure about finding her own way around.

So here she was stuck in the apartment feeling slightly more like a caged animal as each second ticked by.

Grunting in frustration she had finally had enough and made her way back to her room to get her coat. Wet or not she was going to find something to beat the hell out of and get rid of this sudden burst of energy she was gifted with. Shrugging it onto her shoulders she fumbled her keys into her hand and walked out of the door.

As she stepped out onto the street she immediately started to grumble as her shoes and socks soon became soaked. Even though they only lived a few blocks from the nearest cemetery the walk seemed to take forever. The rain beating in her face and her feet constantly stepping into puddles gave her the feeling that this wasn't one of her better ideas. But it was too late now she was out here and she may as well make the best of it.

But her luck, as in bad, was still holding and try as she might there wasn't a thing that she could sink a stake into about. Maybe they were all tucked away from the rain like she should have been. Irony thy name is Buffy.

A half hour of trudging through wet grass and mud was a half hour way too much and dejected she began to make her way back home. Her pace was quick her shoulders hunched as the drenching rain made its way past her flimsy coat to run down her neck and soak the rest of her. With a few choice mumbles about uncooperative members of the undead she opened the door of the apartment.

Peeling her useless coat off she hung it on the hook on the back of the door. Sighing at the way her wet clothes were clinging to her skin she toed off her shoes and turned around.

He was finally up she noticed.

"Spike, hi-" the rest of the words died in her throat as she took in the sight before her.

He was standing in the center of the living room. There were streams of tears tracking down his face, the drops falling from his chin and his thin frame was trembling slightly. But it was his eyes she noticed. The blue orbs that she had seen glare with rage, shine with sadness, light with glee, cloud with passion and sparkle with mirth were staring at her blankly. She could read nothing in those eyes now.

"Spike?" He showed no sign of having heard her or even that she had walked into the room.

Without a response she was unsure of what to do. She took a few steps closer and tried again. "Spike?"

He still didn't respond and she kept moving forward unable to tear her eyes away from his. Standing in front of him now she reached out with a hesitant hand barely touching his arm.

"Spike what is it?" She was unsure if it was the sound of her voice or the touch of her hand that finally reached him but it really didn't matter.

"Buffy." The sound of her name was almost drowned out by the sobs that started to rip through his throat. He had dropped to his knees, his arms reaching around her blindly, his head pressed against her waist as his body was racked with the force of his tears.

She was shocked for a moment still uncertain of how to respond to him. Kicking herself mentally, she ran her hand through his hair and murmured words of comfort to him. She interspersed reassuring him with the occasional query of what was so wrong. Buffy lost all track of time as he sobbed into her.

When it seemed that his shaking was less she took her finger and tilted his chin so he could look at her.

"Spike come on and sit on the couch okay?" At his weak nod she helped him to his feet and led him over to the couch. When he was sitting she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'm just going to put on some dry clothes and I'll be right back promise."

He looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "You're wet." His voice was hoarse from the crying.

She gave him a gentle nod. "It's raining. I'll be right back okay?" His head had dropped again and she left the room, headed for her bedroom.

Once inside she dressed quickly barely glancing at the sweats and t-shirt she slipped into. Running a towel quickly through her wet hair she tossed it aside unwilling to leave him alone for to long.

As she walked back into the living room she watched him as he sat, his legs pulled up to his chest head buried in his knees.
She stood in front of him for a moment wondering what she should do. At a complete loss of what would be the best thing to do for him when she didn't even know what was wrong. It was hard to admit but the way he was acting was starting to scare her just a bit.

Her hand had found its own way back to his shoulder and she was glad to see him focus on her with the contact.

"Spike would you like some hot chocolate? It won't be as good as Mom made but it'll work." She felt a sudden feeling of relief that she was channeling her mother. Her Mom had always known what to do to make others feel warm and comforted. It was a gift Buffy was sure she would never have. It's sudden appearance here was welcome because she really had no idea how to help him.

"It won't take a minute." She squeezed his shoulder and walked into the kitchen quickly grabbing a pot. As it heated she searched the cupboards not really thinking about what she was looking for. When she reached the third one she was surprised to see a package of the little marshmallows her mom had kept around just for Spike. She wondered when she had picked that up. They had only been to the grocery store twice since they had moved in and she couldn't recall purchasing them. Shrugging and feeling that it so didn't matter right at the moment she poured the drinks into two mugs and added the puffy treats. Grabbing a box of tissues also she headed back into the room.

Setting the items on the coffee table she sat down next to him. She gave him a moment as he took the mug and sipped at the warm liquid. When he had replaced it on the table she turned towards him slightly.

"Spike what is it?" What happened?"

The haunted look in his eyes was tearing at her insides.

"Dru." Even though she hadn't any clue about what had caused such a massive amount of grief from him the name still took her aback a bit. As the last bit of her name passed his lips his tears started again.

Now her hand had found its way to his knee.

"What about Drusilla, Spike?"

"She's... She's... Oh God." The tears were a torrent now.

"Spike?" When had her voice gotten so soft, so full of compassion?

"She's dead." As his sobs began she instinctively pulled him against her, holding him tightly. His head was buried in her chest, his tear choked gasps pulling at her heart. She gently rocked him unable to say anything even remotely sensible hoping that her presence would be enough.

She waited patiently as he struggled to regain control of himself. With his last shaky breath she pulled away slightly reaching for a tissue. Handing it to him she watched as he wiped the water from his face.

"When? How?" Stupid questions she knew but it was the only thing she could ask.

"She was my Sire Buffy. Felt it. Like some bloke took a knife and gutted me in my sleep. Woke up that way." Satisfied that for the moment he would be able to talk she let him have a little more space.

"What do you mean you felt it?" Even though it was questioning her voice still had that same soft quality she had always associated with her mom.

"Bleedin' vampire ain't I? Felt it through our bond." His eyes were red rimmed from the shed tears and his voice was rough and tired.

"I'm sorry." It surprised her that she actually was. Not that Drusilla was dead of course. That wouldn't be right. She was still an evil murdering vampire and truth be told Buffy had never gotten over the fact that Spike's old flame had slashed Kendra's throat. Not to mention the little fiasco two years ago in his crypt. Dru had been all for the killing off of Slayers. The other thing she wouldn't tell anyone is that she had wished she had gotten the chance to take on the demented vamp herself. After all she was the only one left who she could blame the whole Acaltha thing on. She couldn't hold it against Angel and he had gone to hell because of it. And Spike had helped her stop Angelus so that left Dru. The last member of an evil foursome that wasn't so much with the evil any more.

But she was sorry for him. That it affected him this much and caused him this much pain.

She didn't need to question why. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that he had cared deeply about the raving loon for more than a century. And even though Buffy was certain now that he was no longer in love with her didn't mean that he didn't love her at all. Her concern for her friend grew as she could feel the stirrings of long forgotten memory. She knew exactly what it was like to lose someone you loved.

His head was tilted to her and she wasn't quite sure if it was in surprise or acknowledgement.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He seemed taken aback by the question. "No luv. But thank you."

"Can I ask something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Go ahead pet."

"Why I mean how is it so different for you. Not that I'm comparing the two of you but when Angel and Darla..." She didn't quite know how to finish wording the question.

"I forgot that you were there for that. You mean why could Angel sink a stake into his Sire and walk away?" She nodded. "The Sire/Childe bond is what you first feel when you wake up as a vamp, that and the need to feed. Sires use it to control and teach the Childe but like any other bond if we don't renew it once in awhile it can fade. It'll still be there but not as strong. Peaches hadn't renewed with Darla in over a hundred years pet. Bloody soul made her toss him out. But Dru and I..." She looked on as his face grimaced with pain. "It's only been five years. Our bond was still very strong. We used to renew it quite often."

"So you could still sense her through it?"

He nodded his composure seemed to be slipping. "Just enough to know if she was close by or when.."

Her hand went back to his knee and gave him a gentle pat. "Do you want something to eat?"

Swift and sudden change of topic. He blinked twice at her. "No. Don't think I could eat anything."

"Do you want me to go?"

"I don't understand."

"Well I mean if you wanted to be alone I could..."

"No I don't understand why you're like this."

She looked deep into his eyes wishing for the world that she could help erase the pain in them.

"Because you're my friend Spike. Because I care."

The answer seemed to satisfy him.

"Could you stay? Don't really want to be alone right now."

"Sure." She repositioned herself against the back of the sofa.

Not the least bit surprised when his head came to rest on her shoulder she placed a welcoming arm around his shoulders.

Two slow painful months had gone by and while her everyday life looked good to anyone from the outside, the deeper part of her was filled with sorrow.

Two months while she had watched her newest and closest friend fight the grief that seemed to surround him like a dark shroud. Two long months while she watched the animated teasing cocky male she shared her apartment with draw further into himself until he was merely a quiet presence in a back room. Two agonizing months as she watched him withdraw further away.

She didn't know what to do. She understood some of his pain. She truly did. Remembered nights of haunted dreams and the long painful days knowing she had sent someone she loved to hell itself. Remembered the furious wish to start life anew and her headlong run into a mind numbing existence in LA that summer. Before she was sent to hell of course.

But that kind of pain she understood a little to well.

So she had been there for him. Waited to see if he wanted to talk and gave him space when he seemed to need it.

What she couldn't do was help him. She was more than aware that if he had been with any one else or if things had not changed between them like they had, he could have very well snapped and done something extremely stupid. Not that she thought she was helping him in the least.

Buffy had tried to draw him out. Let him talk about his feelings for Drusilla, give him someone that would listen, but resisted the gentle prodding she had done. She wasn't sure if it was because the memories he had with her were often integrated with their feeding and he wanted to spare her some of that, or if he was in complete denial of how important she still was in his life.

She hadn't understood how much their bond really meant of course and it was understandable after all she wasn't a vamp and it was something she only had a vague knowledge about.

After two weeks she really did want to understand. If anything so she could be there for him, lord knew that he had been there for her.

So mustering some courage she had found an out of the way bookshop that wasn't demon run but operated in the center of the demon area she lived in. It was small and kind of cozy. Like bookstores were really meant to be instead of the huge monstrosities they were now with the coffee shops and everything. Not that she minded a good cup of caffeine but this was better.

It was kind of homey she had realized and while she wasn't there for anything normal it wouldn't have bothered her to look for regular reading material here. If she used regular reading material.

She had introduced herself to the shopkeeper, who she found to her surprise, was completely human. Jeff was good looking in a quiet sort of way, medium build, a bit on the thin side, light brown hair and green eyes. She had noticed his keen interest in her as soon as she had walked into the store and was relieved to find that he knew exactly who she was.

Of course most of Cleveland knew she was the Slayer she had discovered and for once she was glad that the need for pretense was gone. It was damn hard keeping her identity secret.

She had asked for books centering on the subject and was only slightly amused at the raised brow that greeted her request. But he had said nothing instead turning the correct books over to her. She had found a quiet corner with a chair and had begun to read.

It had amazed her how little she actually did know about the lives of vampires. How could she have spent so much time hunting and slaying them without knowing any of this? But the better question was how could she be intimately familiar with two master vampires and not know? Did she not want to? Sometimes thoughts like these were what made her head hurt.

She had gone back everyday for a week researching and learning what it was that Spike was trying to deal with on his own. Jeff never questioned and always had each book pulled for her before she could ask. And research while never her strong point on the best of days was telling her something she should have known right away.

The fact that she had been thinking about this solidly for another month now wasn't easy on her. But she had wanted to make sure that what she thought would help actually would. And as his despair seemed to grow she couldn't help but kick herself for not moving faster.

So today she had waited for Spike to leave the apartment, which he rarely did, to stop by the butchers. Once he was gone she went into her purse and dug out the phone number she had prayed she would never use.

"Wolfram and Hart. How may I direct your call?"

"I need to speak to Angel please."

"Please hold." Even evil law firms still used really bad hold music.

She had been shocked when she had read the second letter from her sister telling her that Angel had heard of the victory over the first and wanted to see her. Dawn had said the look of surprise on his face was priceless when she had explained what had happened. And though Dawn had always disliked Angel she knew that if she wasn't forth coming with her sister's ex and told him what she knew that he would continue to darken her doorstep. Her sister had been very thankful that Buffy had only given her the tiniest bit of info about where she was. It got her off the hook quickly. But Buffy had choked on the news of his sudden new employment at the head of the worlds most evil law firm.

"Wolfram and Hart Angel's office." It couldn't be. Could it? Best to ignore it for now.

"Can I speak to Angel please?"

"Angel."

"I need a favor."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah."

"Where the hell are you? What's going on?"

"Look Angel I haven't got a lot of time and I know this is going to be awkward, so can we just skip all this please."

"What are you talking about? And where did you disappear to?" She had a feeling that her temper was about to flare out of control.

"Forget it." She ground the words out through clenched teeth. "This call was only made for one purpose and this was not it. So I need you to stop with the questions already and let me ask my favor."

"Sorry." She could almost see his face drop into brood mode. Maybe she had spent a little too much time with Spike. "What do you need Buffy?"

"You're not going to like it but I'm gonna need you to deal. This is way to important to me."

"And?"

She took a deep breath collecting her thoughts once more.

"In a couple of hours you're going to receive a phone call from Spike." The words had no sooner left her mouth than the ranting started on the other end.

"Why would I want to talk to Captain Peroxide? And why the hell did you leave Sunnydale with him of all people? Have you seriously lost your mind Buffy?"

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Why did people count to ten anyway? She was still just as mad.

"ANGEL. DROP IT AND LISTEN." Ahh her trusty Slayer voice.

The silence on the other end of the phone let her go on.

"When he calls I want you to talk to him. He's hurting Angel. Drusilla's death is killing him and I don't know what to do. You’re the last member of his family and his Grandsire. He needs you right now."

"How bad is he?" The words were almost too quiet to hear over the long distance buzz in the phone line.

"He's not good. He's barely feeding and he hardly speaks at all."

"The quiet would be good for a change."

"So help me Angel." she took another deep breath. "I need you to help him. You're the only one that can."

"Tell me why I should bother."

"Oh let me think. Maybe cause you’re the one who drove Drusilla insane and sired her. Or because after she sired Spike you made him into a ruthless killer. Or how about the fact that you've ignored you're Childer for the last ohh say hundred years while you got to feel guilty about your soul. Oh here's a good one. The fact that I want you to help him because he's someone I care about. Does it really matter? Just do it Angel."

"Alright Buffy I'll talk to him. But that's all I'll promise."

"It's enough for now."

"You really care that much about him?"

"He's my friend Angel. Yes I do and it hurts seeing him like this."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"Are you going to tell me where you are exactly?"

"Come on Angel you know I'm in Cleveland, I know Dawn told you. Besides it shouldn't be to hard to find with all the resources you have now."

"Buffy."

"I'm sorry Angel but I can't do this right now. I have to go."

"Will you call again?"

"Maybe I don't know."

"If you need anything..."

"Thanks but I've got to go now."

"Take care Buffy."

"You too."

Setting the phone back into the cradle she let out a long deep sigh. She was tired and emotionally she was barely hanging on. For months Spike had been her support system against her friends, the potentials filling her house and the upheaval of fighting a serious Big Bad she didn't know that she could defeat.

However she hadn't had that in the last two months and she had tried for both of their sakes to be his support system. But it was hard. Much harder than she ever though possible. And watching his slow downward spiral into grief was hurting her more than she could really stand. It was what needed to be done though and that was what she always did. So she refused to let herself slip into mind numbing depression and was strong for him. Because that was what true friends did.

Calling Angel had been a last resort. Just getting the two of them talking together was going to be a task in itself. And actually the phone conversation with him had gone easier than she had anticipated. But her real challenge was still yet to walk back in the door.

She sat for another half an hour waiting for him. Dreading what she was going to have to do. Spike hated Angel. She had known that for a long time. She hadn't understood the reasons behind it until just recently but it was there just the same. That she would push him to go to the older vamp for help was not going to go over well.

Her dread grew as she heard his key slip into the lock. Green eyes watching wearily as he began to put the blood in the fridge. Drawing in a deep breath she stood up.

"Spike can I talk to you?"

He cocked his head towards her and his eyes flashed with sudden annoyance. It was always close to the surface now, how annoyed he could get with her, and even though she understood it was some of the way he was trying to cope it didn't hurt any less. Often times she thought that he looked at her the same way he used to look at Xander and that wasn't a really pretty thought.

She waited for him to walk into the living room and sat back down onto the couch. Once he was seated she tensed for a second before speaking.

"I'm gonna ask for a couple of favors from you okay?" When he didn't speak she continued. "First I need you to listen to what I have to say. Even if it does piss you off and it probably will. All I want is for you to hear me out. Do you think you can do that?"

"No promises pet." He hadn't called her that in forever.

"Okay." Another deep breath and words she knew were either going to help them or drive a wedge between them forever began to flow out of her mouth.

"Spike I know your hurting and I want to help you. But I can't. Not the way you need to be helped. This isn't just the human part of you that's in mourning. Your demon is in pain and I can't help you with that. You need someone who can."

She watched his eyes coolly study her for some sort of sign to what she meant.

"There isn't anyone."

Time to bite the bullet. "Yes there is. Spike you've still got part of your family left."

"No their all dead now."

Steady. "Angel is still alive Spike."

She watched as amber flashed dangerously in his eyes. His tongue was held in check so she began again.

"I know that you hate him and I understand as much as someone from outside can understand, but he's your Grandsire Spike and he can help you."

"Are you done?" The words weren't spoken they were snarled at her.

"Almost." He was quiet again. "I care about you Spike and it hurts me seeing you like this. Just think about it."

"Finished?" The word was issued with full fury. She closed her eyes and opened them again slowly.

"Yes."

"Then we're done here." He turned to step out of the room.

It was time to let it all out then.

"I would have staked her myself you know."

He turned slowly back around and she could see his hands clenched at his sides.

"I wouldn't say anything else." But she needed to.

"If I'd had the chance I would have. I've thought about it for years you know." Two short strides and he was grabbing her arms tightly.

She tried not to wince at the feeling of his fingers digging into her flesh.

"I said-"

"I heard you. Do you know why you even feel this way? You want me to clue you in Spikey?" Oh god how much this was killing her.

"The human part of you, the one you hide from everybody, William still loved Dru. He truly did and he's grieving. But that's okay and that's normal and with time it'll get better." She could feel his eyes burning into her with something close to hate. It was okay. She hated herself too. "But the demon. He's pissed. He's angry because you didn't do the one thing you did for over a century. You didn't protect her."

He snarled and pushed her away from him.

"You were here in your own little world playing house with the Slayer of all things while she was out there alone facing God only knows what. Living out your own little fantasy while your Sire was fighting for her life and losing." Was there such a thing as degrees of hate when it was about yourself? With each word she could feel it pile into her chest. The pain in her heart was like a lead weight. But she would finish get through with what needed to be done because she had to. For him.

He was inches from her face now and the amber wasn't just flashing anymore.

"Your demon is in pain because it failed. Failed at the one thing it was supposed to do."

"What the bloody hell do you know about anything you bint? You think I choose to stay away from her. She was the one that pushed me away."

"Just like all the others wasn't she? Me, her, that girl that scorned William and broke his heart all those years ago. Hell Harmony even dumped you. But that's why it hurts so much isn't it. Because no matter what you do you can't seem to keep the girl."

She watched his fist finally rise into the air and closed her eyes.

"Do it Spike." She said the words quietly and reopened her eyes. "Go on hit me."

He snarled and grabbed he roughly by the shirt holding her in place. But she didn't move. She hardly breathed as she waited for his decision.

"You know you want to. Go ahead do it." He seemed to look into the quiet acceptance of her face and think. His eyes flickering between her and the fist he had in the air. Back and forth she watched as his eyes slid from one to the other.

Finally he pushed her away and she flopped ungracefully onto the couch.

"Why are you doing this?" The words still contained the fury she'd seen but they asked the right question.

"Because the Spike I care about isn't here. He's buried somewhere in the shell that's standing in my living room and I don't know how else to reach him. If you get mad, haul off and hit me at least I know you’re still alive in there. Anything to give me some type of clue that he still exists." She could feel tears coming down her face now. It was almost over she knew, she just had to hold out a little longer. "So go ahead I'll be your own personal punching bag if that's what it takes and for an extra bonus I won't even hit back."

His eyes seemed to take her face in for the first time. And she felt a little sprig of hope settle into her chest.

He sunk bonelessly to the floor his blue eyes never leaving her face.

"Buffy bloody fuckin' hell what was I going to do?"

"What your demon needs you to do. Either fight and kill until it’s satisfied or bond with family and grieve together. Until you do one or the other you won't be able to heal and you'll just continue to slip away. And God help me Spike but I've tried and I can't watch you lose yourself this way, it hurts too much. I'd rather be dead. So choose. Take it out on me or call Angel. It's up to you."

The fury seemed to drain out of his face and a look of wide-eyed horror take its place.

"What are you sayin' that you want me to-"

"You heard what I said. At least if it's me I don't have to worry about all the innocent people on the other side of that door. You're so close to the edge now. It wouldn’t take much to push you over and with your demon in a blind rage do you really think the part of you that wants to stop will be able too? So decide."

His face went slack and his eyes glazed over as he began to think. Buffy kept chanting to herself that it was almost over. The word soon echoed over and over in her mind.

She watched as he focused back on her a decision made.

"How do I get in touch with the Poof?"

She walked to the phone and grabbed it and the slip of paper she had used earlier. Handing them to him silently she went into the kitchen and made a quick cup of tea. She barely heard him ask for Angel before she made it to her room.

Sitting on the bed she put her back against the headboard and drew her legs up to her chest clasping her hands around them. She rocked herself gently while she sat in the dark and waited.

Buffy was unsure how much time had passed before she heard a timid tap on her door.

"Come in Spike."

The hesitant steps he took towards her bed gave her a chance to uncurl her legs.

"I'm going to LA."

She had thought that might be the outcome. And it was the one that held the most promise. She nodded her head slowly.

"When do you leave?"

"Couple a hours. Peaches has a private jet and all."

She really had nothing to say to that.

"Buffy, pet I'm-"

"Don't Spike. Don't apologize I pushed you intentionally it's not your fault."

"But-"

"No. Just don't okay? Do you want me to see you off?"

" 'Salright I think I can manage on my own." She nodded again.

He turned and headed out of her room.

With the door closed she was surrounded by darkness again. She curled herself up into a ball on the bed and finally let the tears come.

The first month that he had been gone she had settled into a welcoming routine. Work was good for her, she had an understanding boss and getting time off to slay something that had crawled into town was no problem for once. She went patrolling in the early evenings sometimes finding an evil creature and some nights there weren't any.

But it was the hours in between when she was at the apartment that the unwelcome feeling came sweeping into her core.

As each day had passed she had finally realized that now, even though she was the longest lived Slayer ever, she had become just like them. She was alone.

But she dealt cause she had to.

As the second month started to drag by she found herself at Jeff's shop more often before she started work. She had found that she could find a little escape in reading for joy. Something she wouldn't have considered when she had still been in school and it would have been something she would have had no time to do with her friends and sister around. Jeff was nice and always left the corner chair she liked empty just for her. He had even recommended a few books and to her surprise she had enjoyed them.

But with this quiet escape came the fact that the message she had wanted the demon world to get was finally out. It seemed that they knew she had relocated and they were starting to come out of the woodwork. Where before she had occasional nights of no slayage that was past her now. There was something every night.

The pattern continued however. The time she spent on her own in the apartment always reminded her of just how alone she was.

When the third month had begun and she still hadn't heard from Spike she had the guts to finally realize that she might have gone to far. It didn't matter that she had done what he needed, not to her, she had manipulated his feelings into a reaction she could use. Drove him to a point that would get through to his ruined psyche, in the hope he would seek help. Hey maybe she had learned something from Maggie Walsh after all. The heart of the matter wasn't what she felt about any of it though. It was entirely possible that she had finally done the one thing that even he thought she would never do. She had finally managed to drive him away.

After a week or two of letting that horrible sentiment wash into her soul she found that she wasn't at all surprised. He wasn't the first man she had driven from her life in one form or another and he just might be the last.

She didn't waste time trying to kid herself. Buffy knew that her heart was a wounded animal and she wouldn't let some stranger inside to try and get a piece of it. It had been guarded well by her head the last few years and she wouldn't soon give that up. No, new people and her feelings were worlds that were sure never to collide.

So in everyday interaction she talked to people she encountered but never about anything personal and whenever such topics would appear she would change the subject. Closing herself off from people was the only guarantee that they couldn't hurt her.

But in a way it was what drove her to be so open with her sister. The letters they traded became more frequent and she found that she was telling Dawn everything she was experiencing good or bad, and rehashing the past she thought she would never share. They had started to call each other and it was soothing listening to her sister's voice. Buffy still hadn't talked to Willow but she knew that she would soon. With every passing day the ache she felt at their treatment that one night was fading just a little.

As the fall colors began to show on the trees she dragged herself through month number four.

This month was different however and it wasn't different in a good way either.

Some things remained the same. She still kept to herself only sharing when communicating with her sister and she still had no news about Spike.

Wondering about him was almost like an obsession, probably because it had been so long now. The fact that Angel had yet to speak to her either let her hold on to the hope that whatever happened the two of them had found some way to meet in a middle ground and let Spike heal. Her hope kept her from making a call to that solitary number pinned up on her wall by the phone. Calling would undoubtedly confirm what she already knew. He was fine he just didn't wish to speak to her.
It was to soon for that thought to be made real, too painful a reality.

Denial was still a much more comfortable place to be.

And even though she was working less and slaying more, an added advantage when your boss knows you're the Slayer and wants his city and family protected while paying you no less, the regular drum beat of her life kept going.

But the dreams had started almost as the first leaf started to fall from the trees, letting October tumble into November.

It was a Slayer dream. Well she had had enough of them to be able to tell. But different was the order of the times and for the first time ever they were reoccurring. She woke every night clutching at her stomach sitting up in bed. Some nights she would cry and others she knew her scream was waking the people that lived in the building. But the dream was the same.

She stood in a large cavern her hands tightly clutching an ornate dagger, facing the snarling face of a demon she had never seen before. It was close to seven feet tall, deep red skin rippled along a thickly muscled form. While it stood on two legs it's four arms moved threateningly, two of which brandished weapons. The single horn that protruded from its forehead made it look like a charging rhino, at least that was her impression of it.

The movements of their fight were fluid neither gaining much ground until Buffy could sense a presence behind her. It was something that drew all of her attention and no matter how much she focused she couldn't figure out who or what it was. But the distraction was enough for the creature to take the advantage. It was like fire as the sword it held sunk into her chest and slid down to her stomach. The sensation of pain was realistic enough and it was that feeling that caused her to wake.

Tonight was no different as she sat panting, trying to bring herself under control. There was something she remembered this time though and she fumbled on her nightstand for a pen and her notebook. Quickly before it could fade she drew the symbol she had seen on the demon's chest. For good measure she sketched the dagger she had held in her dream as well. Finished she closed her eyes for a moment and let her body relax.

It was then that she heard it. A faint noise coming from another room, the sound like cloth rubbing together.

She grabbed a sword she had left in the room from slaying earlier and made her way silently into the hall. The noise came again and it sounded like it was in the other bedroom. The door was open slightly and she pushed it quietly with two soft steps she stood behind the figure standing in front of the bed in the dark. She pressed her sword against its back.

"Who are you and what the hell do you think you're doing?" She was slightly satisfied when she saw a jump of surprise.

Reaching the wall behind her she flicked on the light. The person, as she could see now, turned around slowly.

She blinked her eyes twice at the figure before her. She knew that face. It had been awhile but the recognition was still there.

"Wesley?"

"Uh yes. Hello Buffy." Wesley?

She dropped the sword to her side pushing at the confusion in her head. Her eyes slid away from his face and glanced at the bed behind him. The open, half filled bag that sat there was explanation enough.

"Oh." She shook her head. It was something she should have expected if not prepared herself for.

"Buffy? Are you alright?"

"I'm- I'm fine. Really why wouldn't I be? Um you're packing?" His eyes looked a little haunted to her. Maybe a little regretful. She wondered why.

"Yes, uh you see, well, this is a little awkward."

She turned and leaned the sword against the wall. He didn't know the half of it.

"It's okay Wesley. I can guess that Spike asked you to get his things." Maybe it was the look of resignation in her eyes or maybe it was the way her face fell but she could have sworn a look of pain crossed his face for a brief moment.

"He did."

"I wish you would have used those English manners you and Giles were always on about and knocked on my door at a reasonable hour."

The embarrassment coloring his cheeks made her feel slightly better. Just a smidge.

"I apologize about that Buffy but I was told-"

"And I'm thinking I so don't want to hear how that sentence ends because it will piss me off."

"Right. May I just say that I'm sorry then?"

"Apology accepted." She went over and sat on the corner of the bed. She wanted desperately to ask but wasn't able to make her mouth form the right words. "So big evil law firm huh? How's that working out for you guys?"

The question seemed to take him aback for a moment obviously not what he was expecting.

"It's challenging but we're learning to cope." She thought that there was a lot more to that statement somehow.

She gave him a really critical looksy. The tweedy watcher she had known briefly was gone and had been replaced by a more confident man.

"You've changed." It was a statement of acknowledgement.

"So have you."

The irony made her give a short snort of ill humor.

"Dying does that to you." It was a dismissal she knew. "I'll let you finish then." She stood taking a few steps to the door.

"I just wanted to ask." She kept her back to him unable to look in his eyes.

"Ask what?" She was grateful for the lack of judgment in his voice.

"How is he? Did it at least help?"

His silence made her skin itch. The thoughts of the last few months making themselves into an almost physical sensation.

"Yes. The first month was rough but he's back to what Angel assures me is his old self."

Her head hung at his words. It was true. The fact that Wesley of all people was here to collect the few things that were left in the apartment spoke volumes to her.

"Then I did the right thing." Her foot had begun to move forward when his hand touched her shoulder. She stopped and turned towards him.

"How are you Buffy?"

She knew her eyes conveyed her sense of loneliness that she couldn't hide at this time of night.

"Coping." With a big helping of hardly.

When she went to turn again his movement stopped her. He held his hand out toward her his palm facing upward. Centered in it was Spike's key to the apartment.

"He wanted me to leave this with you."

"No. Tell him to keep it." She thought for a minute her brain centering on the images of the dream she'd lived for almost a month. "I might be..." she struggled to find a word that wouldn't cause more questions. "Moving on from here. He can use it however he wants if I go. And he'll always be welcome here."

He nodded his head in understanding. "Is there anything you want me to tell him?"

"Yeah. Tell him, tell him I'm sorry."

"I will. Is there any thing you need?" The question jolted another thought.

"Actually there is something."

"Is it something I can do for you?"

"Yeah this is definitely up your alley. Just give me a second." She walked to her room and tore the page from her notebook. Returning she handed it to Wesley. "I saw these in a dream. I've been trying to do my own research but the books I can get here are nowhere near what Giles had. And I figure Big Evil corporation and all you have to have some kind of access to stuff."

"Then you want me to get you some information on these?"

"If you wouldn't mind." She quickly scrawled her number at the bottom of the sheet.

"What happens in the dream?"

Quick severely edited version.

"Um not much. I'm holding that dagger and me and this big red demony guy with four arms and a horn fight. He had that symbol on his chest."

"Any idea where you were?"

"No. It mostly centered on the fight." She smiled for the first time since she had found him. "Now you sound like the Wesley I knew."

"Don't remind me about him."

"Thank you for doing this Wes. I know I wasn't the easiest to get along with back then."

"It was understandable. We both were a little young."

Buffy let out a small chuckle. "And look at us now. I've finally turned into the slayer the council was looking for. All solitary and everything and look no council."

The bag was packed and the sound of the zipper closing drew a final finality to the night.

"I'll contact you as soon as I have the information."

"Thank you. Could I ask for one more thing?" She waited for his nod. "Could we keep this research thing just between us? I don't want to involve either of them."

"If that's what you want."

"It is."

She walked him to the front door. Opening it she let him step through and out into the hall.

"Good bye Buffy."

She watched as he walked to the elevator and stepped inside.

A week and the dreams had grown fiercer in their intensity. It was playing havoc with her sleep, never letting her rest completely.

She had tried to focus on the upcoming holidays wondering if perhaps it was time to forgive and forget and spend some time with people she loved. But the dream always drew her back. If it was true, like so many of her past dreams, would it hurt them more if she finally spent time with them and ended up dead? Probably. And that thought held her back.

It was a few days until Thanksgiving and she had even tried to do some early Christmas shopping. But she was listless with the lack of rest and the constant slaying. Cleveland had far surpassed Sunnydale in sheer numbers.

So she was lying on the couch trying to take a nap for once. The ringing of the phone produced a mumbled curse at whoever disturbed her. Not that many people had her phone number. Or would bother to use it.

"Hello."

"Buffy. It's Wesley."

"Oh hi. Where are you? I can barely hear you." Buffy thought she could hear the rush of traffic.

"I felt it necessary to have this talk outside of the office. I have some information for you." She wasn't sure with all the background noise but she thought he sounded really stressed.

"I'm listening."

"I wasn't able to find anything on the dagger but the symbol on the demons chest was very interesting. It seems that it’s a magical bind, a leash of sorts to keep the demon in the service of some sort of master."

"So I'm looking for something a little higher up the food chain maybe? Someone with some power but no muscle."

"That would seem to be the most logical choice. The symbol and the magics used to cast it are ancient it took a long time for me to find it even with the extensive collection that the firm has."

"Any idea what to look for?"

"Unfortunately no. Whatever is behind your dream isn't something found in any of my research."

She let out a sigh of frustration. "Well I appreciate you trying Wes. Thank you."

"It was no problem Buffy. There is one more thing however."

"Yes?"

"When I was doing the research it was almost like something was trying to block me. The offices themselves are supposed to be tempered against outside magics but the feeling was there all the same."

"Which is why you’re using a pay phone. Gotcha. Someone knows something is up. This isn't making me feel any better."

"I wish I could do more but without any more information..."

"No really it's okay." Well that didn't help did it? "Out of curiosity how are things? Everyone all right?"

"As much as could be expected. But I get the feeling you were being a little more specific. I did as you asked but he didn't say anything to me."

"Thank you. Well I better let you go then just thank you for doing this."

"Your welcome. Good bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and sat gingerly back on the couch. It was a long debate in her mind if she should chance trying to sleep again. It wasn't even half way through the day yet and if she was going to do any slaying tonight the rest would be needed.

Lying back down she shut her mind off focusing on nothing but her own breathing. In and out deep and slow a calming relaxing feeling began but it worked slowly. She was so close she could feel it coming her eyes starting to lose focus. Buffy let them drift shut the tension in her body melting into the couch.

"My God you look like Hell."

She didn't open her eyes. The voice was enough.

"Please tell me you just came to chat so I can through your ass out of here."

"Pfft. We need to talk."

"Why is it when there is talking to be done they send you? Couldn't they have found someone, anyone else?"

"This is serious you know. You would think that my appearance here would clue you in on that."

She gave in fed up that this day she wasn't going to be meeting the sandman. Opening her eyes she stared at the rumpled man standing at the end of her couch.

"Well two visits in one year are maybe two visits too many." She sat up and watched as he sat in the chair across from her.

"Not my choice anyway. Have I mentioned how bad you look?"

"Thanks. Do you have a point Whistler or just a death wish?"

"Okay business it is then. They want a favor."

"I'm kind of favored out for the moment. Look I really don't have the energy for this right now." Her arms crossed over her chest.

"Fine but if the worst happens it will be your own fault."

"Will you stop already? Just tell me what the hell you want so I can get some sleep."

"You need to take a trip."

"Like a vacation tell me about it. Can I have it paid too?" Her sarcasm was reaching new levels. "What are you talking about?"

"You need to go see your boys in LA. They're in big trouble."

"I just got off the phone with someone in LA. Everything's fine."

"They think everything's fine. The Powers they know different. So you need to take a trip."

"Why are you here talking to me?"

"Look girlie we need you. You've been tapped because we haven't got many options left."

"Fine give me details then."

"Angel's in over his head this time. The whole doing good while in the middle of an evil law firm thing is not panning out. So he's gonna make a choice soon. Decide on a course of action. The Powers have a feeling that we're not going to like it."

"So why aren't you there guiding him? I mean isn't that what you're supposed to be?"

"Like I want to get saddled with that duty again. He's had two seers already and he still gets in jams like this." He shook his head. "Nope my job is to get to the person that can help them the most and give her stubborn ass a nudge in the right direction. Which is you getting on a plane and landing in LA."

"Still a little skimpy on the specifics aren't you?"

"Do you know how annoying you are?"

"Well if you could maybe suggest to them to turn off the repeat-o vision with these dreams maybe I could get some sleep. No sleep equals a truly bitchy Buffy."

"I can see that. They only send the dreams once. You know that if the thing is repeating it's something to do with you."

"Huh?"

"You know maybe some unresolved issue thing. Who do I look like Dr. Phil?" He pointed a finger at her. "You need to get it together. Things are happening soon. Your little dream is just the tip of the iceberg. Let me put it this way; Angel has the potential to either do a lot of good or send the world spinning into a swift hellfire ending."

"So what am I supposed to be doing?"

"Talk to him and make him see reason. He's to close to the issue to see what the outcome is really going to be we've already tried getting to him with someone else but it just seemed to steer him the wrong way. I guess cryptic might not be the best way to go."

"Something I've been saying for years now. So why me specifically?"

"Because he'll listen to you. And the fact that the Powers trust your judgment. You've never had the advantages he's had but you seem to always make the right choice. They like that about you."

"Can I get that in writing and framed? I think there are a few people in Sunnydale who might need to see it."

He looked at her seriously and she found it a little unsettling.

"They know what you did for Spike. I have to tell you they've never been so proud of someone in your position."

She snorted. "Yeah pride in someone with a true talent for driving people away. Can we not talk about this?"

"Let me tell you a little secret then. There are currently four true warriors for the Powers each with their own destiny. You are the only one we have nothing left to prove with. The others are busy seeking redemption looking to overcome a past with a bit too much history. But you're there chick. You're the one that when all the chips are on the table they're going to turn to because you're the sure bet."

"Four?"

"Yeah four we just upped the number this year actually. Traditionally it was one and then they added Angel now we have duplicates."

"So what me and Angel and Faith and who?"

"The only other vampire with a soul. Why do you think they invested so much time in him?"

"Spike. So all of this is what? Some sort of test, a trial?"

"No actually for once they didn't do this it was a slightly more evil tint. Ever wonder who was really running that engine of evil Angel's trying to drive? They have their own plans. My guess would be a little separation of all the key players and boom instant easy take down. Although I'm sure they’re pissed that you managed to get Spike and Angel together."

"Separate us how? What aren't you telling me?"

"This is more than I'm supposed to say. I'm going to catch hell for this."

She was off the couch and holding him by the throat before he finished blinking.

"Which will be a whole lot nicer than what I'll do to you if you don't make with the answers."

"No need to be grabby. I'm talking aren't I?"

She let him go but stood in front of his chair looking menacingly at him.

"Didn't you wonder why everyone was so quick to turn on you at the house that night. Someone had to be whispering in their ears stoking the little sparks of discontent. Maybe someone like a potential that got ushered into the inner circle by say dating someone on the inside."

"Kennedy."

"She was working for Wolfram and Hart. They offered her power and she wanted it. That's why she dumped your friend so soon after you left. So they take you away from your friends and then they made sure that Spike wouldn't be a problem."

"You aren't saying what I think you're going to are you?"

"It was the most devastating thing they could do besides kill you. Which I'm happy to say they didn't even consider trying. You've got quite the rep."

"So they killed Dru knowing what it would do to him? And what were they hoping afterwards that he would finally snap and kill me?"

"I'm not sure. I doubt that even they would think that would work."

"And let me guess. They knew that when Angel took over all the other people that knew him would be less inclined to trust him."

"See how bright you are. Now if this makes a little more sense I think you should get busy trying to make some travel arrangements."

"Not so fast buddy. You know what's been going on over there so I want a run down."

Buffy had given herself two days to pull everything together and get some rest before coming out to butt her nose into Angel's business. For some reason she couldn't shake the feeling that this was not going to be a cake walk.

Whistler had spent another half hour telling her some of the things the LA crew had experienced the last six months. She knew a little about the year before from what Willow had told her after her little excursion.

She had rested fitfully the first night not even the dream was allowed to take hold as the thoughts in her head swirled out of control. There was too much to think about and sleep proved elusive once again.

But eventually sheer exhaustion has a way of catching up to you even if you have the extra stamina that comes with the slayer package. She had been watching a little TV when her eyes wouldn't stay open anymore and she was too afraid that if she moved the spell would be broken and she would be wide awake once again.

Letting herself drift off she settled comfortably into the softness of the couch.

Too soon she felt her eyes take in the familiar surroundings of the cavern again. Mentally she knew she must have groaned as her brain repeated the fact that once again she was dreaming.

She felt the weight of the dagger in her hands and felt a cool stir of air blow through her hair. There he was big red and ugly as usual one hand holding the sword she had really come to hate.

Her dream self had begun the strange dance of their fight on its own. The moves she made flowing from her without any thought. A few blocks and punches and she began to feel that sensation that told her the fatal distraction was in the room. This time she fought the urge to look centering herself against her foe.

She needn't have bothered it seemed the outcome took as little thought as the fight itself did. The hot slicing pain that stretched from her sternum to just below her belly button made her instinctively reach for her middle.

Whistler's words came back to her then. Unfinished business, maybe she had something else she was supposed to see in this little fiasco that played itself out in her mind. She fought against the pain instead concentrating on her surroundings and the movements of the now triumphant demon.

She could see him then out of the corner of her eye.

"Buffy!" He hadn't been able to see her before then she gathered and it was apparent as she watched his approach that he had been wounded also. Although nowhere near what she was dealing with.

She was gasping at air as the pain deepened searing her in white-hot agony. Her head was starting to become light with the loss of blood that she could feel oozing out between her fingers as she clung to herself desperately.

He had dropped to her side his blue eyes wet with fear at her condition.

"Oh God luv. Hold on. Just hold on for me."

"Hurts."

"I know pet but you've got to try." She watched fascinated at the single tear that began to track down his face. "Can't lose you again."

She reached out with a bloodied hand and rested it against his cheek.

"I'm sorry." It took so much effort for the words to come out.

He leaned closer in to her touch and she felt herself begin to slip away.

"Spike. I love you." Buffy felt her eyes grow heavy and knew that this was probably her last breath.

She sat up with a start.

She was shaking her body reacting to pain that wasn't really there. It had felt real enough though and the feeling of taking her last breath for the third time was wigging her out to the extreme.

But that wasn't what her mind was reacting to.

Buffy could, she realized, just zip what she had seen to the back of her mind and take the trip back into denial land. It was somewhere she had always been comfortable and it would be an easy enough escape.

Now however there was another part of her that was tired of shying away from her real feelings. She had left herself caged up for so long that the thought of a genuine feeling making its way from her sheltered heart buffered a little place in her soul. That place wanted to experience more than the isolation and despair that had been its constant companion. It wanted hope and friendship and warmth and love.

She was torn. Was it possible that the dream had been right and she actually did love Spike? It was probably likely that she did love him in some way. She cared about him and it wouldn't be that far a stretch for her to see the closeness they had shared turn into something deeper like love. But that was the love of close friendships.

If that was the case she was sure that it wouldn't have been that hard for her to see it in her dream. Sure she was denial girl but that would be ridiculous.

No now she was going into really dangerous territory for a battered heart.

Was she in love with him? The thought of analyzing the feeling was a tad more than frightening. Coming to terms with something of that magnitude would undoubtedly lead to much heartache and sorrow.

She thought back to that exact moment in the dream. The words had been said with a deep yearning and a tenderness she had never thought to possess. She had told him that she was sorry but it wasn't for the events that had recently taken place.

She had been sorry because she was leaving him, because she had been dying once again.

Gathering her courage she plowed through her memories of their times together. Thought back to their first meeting in the alley behind the Bronze, the night he had come to her for a truce to fight Angelus, the glee he had in the fight for the Gem of Amara, the day he had asked for help after getting chipped and the memories came faster still.

The joy she had felt during Willow's Will be done spell, the disappointment she had felt when he had helped Adam, her gratitude for the way he protected her sister, the comfort she had taken when her mother had become sick and faster they still came.

The support when her mother had died, a turning point in their dealings when he had started to become her emotional rock. The feeling of awe when she had discovered the torture he had taken to hide her sister from a demented hell god with bad hair.

The blur after she had come back to life. She dug deep inside and pulled out the fragmented feelings she had about the way they had been. Knowing how he felt about her, that he loved her, even though out loud she denied him the right to such a feeling. Using him to make her body feel something even if her heart could not. But it did. The guilt at using him as something other then the person he was, more like a tool. It was worse than having the Buffy Bot built because she was not seeking mindless release from a machine, but someone with thoughts and feelings. Guilt because she knew that it was her heart that was defective. Demeaning him every moment when they weren't having sex to make her feel better about the fact he was more of a person then she was. Pushing him even at the last as he realized the terrible mistake he was making, digging in that last cruel comment.

Then finding him mad down in the school basement her heart breaking as she watched him hang on a cross burning. And it had been her heart that had made the tears fall from her eyes as she discovered about his soul.

It was a bittersweet thing for her to notice that she had always cared for him in some way.

But it didn't answer the question. Was she in love with Spike? Her thoughts dwelled on her feelings since she had first learned of Drusilla's dusting.

She had wanted so desperately to comfort him, to take away the pain and shelter him in her arms. The pain she had felt as she watched him slide deeper into his own depression taking on a physical quality. The yearning to be able to do the right thing that pushed her to seek out the answers she couldn't find on her own. The grief of the confrontation to get him to Angel.

Now it was mingled with the despair that while that night helped him become better it had torn the fragile friendship they had to shreds. The emptiness she felt in her day-to-day existence without him being there and the sharp ache that came knowing that he didn't want to talk to her.

She concentrated on what she missed the most about him. There was the look of affection in his eyes when they talked and the way he could make her laugh. The way her heart skipped when he smirked at her. The warmth she felt when he told her he loved her.

Realization was like a splash of cold water.

She was in love with Spike.

Buffy stepped out of the elevator and in to the upper lobby area. She was tired and briefly wondered why she hadn't just stayed at the hotel and gotten some sleep. The tiny bit she had the night before had worn off now and the tedious flight was just making it worse.

Nope had to drop her stuff off and come straight here.

At least now she understood the reason why. She wanted to see him. If only so that her eyes can verify what Wesley had told her, that he was all right.

But it was also the part that caused the most trepidation. She knew that she loved him but he obviously hadn't wanted to speak to her or see her for that matter. Sending Wesley to get his stuff had sent that little message home.

Dwelling on that thought wasn't going to help her get through this particular little task though and she pushed it to the back of her mind. A deep sigh escaped her at the thought.

It was best if she just got this part over with and worried about everything else later. The confusion from her showing up here in the first place was going to cause enough problems.

Glancing around she looked at the central desk and noticed no one was there. Well she wouldn't have to check in with a secretary then. To her left she noticed the large double doors with a huge plate glass window next to them. The window was dark but she could guess that would be Angel's office. Walking closer she could start to hear the sound of raised voices.
Standing in front of the doors she could barely make out Angel and Wesley's voice.

She knocked on the door. She wasn't sure why but she had felt the need to be polite. When it wasn't answered she knocked again slightly louder. Again getting no response she decided the hell with being polite. Grabbing both doorknobs she threw them open and walked in.

It was suddenly silent, all eyes fixed on her as she made her way into the center of the room. Wesley and Angel were by the desk and she noticed that Harmony was to her right like she had been trying to leave the office before Buffy had come in. Her eyes slid over to her left and she could see Spike standing in the corner of the room. She pulled her eyes away quickly knowing that if she focused on him she wouldn't be able to get through this right now.

"Um Hi." The false cheer in her voice was a bit of a shock but it would do.

Angel just seemed to blink at her. Wesley on the other hand shook himself out of his apparent shock and smiled.

"Hello Buffy. It's good to see you again."

"Thank you Wesley."

The sound of them talking must have finally gotten through to Angel.

"Buffy what are you doing here?"

"And thank you it's nice to see you too Angel."

"Oh um yeah well, Hi?" She just nodded. "So why are you here?"

She sighed. She had been afraid of this. While she knew a little about the way Angel was going to have to help Spike from her research she also knew that they would be talking a great deal. And the fear that the facts of her last night talking to Spike would be discussed and change the way the others saw her was not something she had allowed herself to think about. But obviously she should have it was the only explanation for the cold greeting she was getting from her ex right now.

"We need to talk." And boy was that the truth.

She could see Wesley starting to make his way out of the room and she acknowledged his little push to Harmony with a small smile. Sensing the movement behind her she frowned.

"Spike it involves you too." She didn't turn unwilling to look him in the eye. The fact that he hadn't spoken not missed by her at all. Taking a deep breath she pushed the nagging feelings away.

The door now closed with just the three of them she walked closer to Angel's desk.

"So talk."

"This is important Angel do you think we can take the hostility down a notch?"

"No." Stupid stubborn vampires.

"Fine. But this isn't about any of us." She took a deep breath. "I've been sent to talk to you."

"Sent by whom?"

"Who do you think Angel? You know with as many messages as you get from them they should just put in phone line or something." His blank look was kind of getting on her nerves. "The Powers Angel. I know that Cordelia told you what she could but. Well this is hard. Look I can't really talk about this here. The walls in this place have ears and a bunch of sound equipment."

His face had changed when she had said Cordelia's name. Where she had seen a cold mask of indifference with her presence now there was the beginnings of anger.

"This room is fine. Tell me what you have to. Then go." She promised herself that she wouldn't get angry, that no matter what she was going to keep a cool head and not react to him.

"No and I don't really think you get it do you?" Silence was enough of an answer. "You are about to make a really dumb mistake and certain higher beings don't want that to happen. So they sent Cordelia. I won't tell you why they aren't done. Not here in this room and not in the middle of evil incorporated. So they sent me. Deal. When you want to talk you can reach me at my hotel." She took a slip of paper from her purse and laid it on the desk.

"Why are you really here?" Okay maybe a little anger was okay.

"I just told you why I'm here. Want to tell me what the deal is with you?"

"There is no deal with me Buffy. I just don't think we have much to talk about."

"And color me unsurprised." She closed her eyes trying to gather some strength. "Do you think this is easy for me? That I was all happy and bouncy as I boarded the plane this morning? This wasn't my choice. So whatever you think or feel or whatever just put it aside. Lord knows I've had to."

"And Spike's still in the room because?"

"Because that's the way they want it." All it had taken was for Angel to say his name and she could feel her resolve melt away. Suddenly it was just too hard to be in that office. She felt as if the walls were closing in on her and she needed to get out.

"Why?" It was the first word he'd spoken and the sound of his voice felt bittersweet. She had missed that voice.

He was walking now coming to stand on the side of Angel's desk moving so that he was in her line of sight. She couldn't control her eyes as they hungrily drank in the sight of his face. He looked good she realized not that she had really expected any different and the grief she had seen cement into his features was now gone. The look in his eyes was what caught her off guard however as he looked her over critically. They were wary watching her like she was some sort of predator mixed with something she thought was close to fear.

That tugged at her heart. She had caused this.

"I really can't explain that right now." Her voice had lost all it's strength and the words were flat almost monotone. But she couldn't find it in herself to care about that. The only thing she wanted to do was get out of that office.

"I have to go." She quickly turned on her heel and headed to the door.

"Buffy wait." Stopping mid stride she waited.

He didn't speak again though and she found herself staring longingly at the double doors in front of her. The silence seemed to stretch achingly long and the tension in her muscles was coiling tighter and tighter.

It was too much. She finally turned and faced them both.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she focused on Spike's face. "I know that whatever I say you're both still going to hate me. But I'm glad that he could help you."

The look of astonishment on his face didn't register in her addled mind nor did the disapproving stare from Angel.

She was beyond tired, beyond trying to push through her troubled feelings and react and say things that made sense. Her shoulders slumped and she turned to leave again.

"Is that what you really think?" Her head picked up a little at his tone.

"Does that matter? I have to go." She wasn't able to make her first step when a hand landed roughly on her shoulder and turned her around.

Not having a choice in the matter she looked into his face and focused on his eyes.

"Tell me. Is that really what you think?"

"Fine. Is there another explanation for the way you guys are acting? I know what I did. I understand all of it so please just let me go so I can get some sleep."

"What the hell is going through that brain of yours?"

"It doesn't matter. Not right now."

"You look terrible." She gave Angel the glare he deserved.

"Thank you again. Could you possibly kick me any harder while I'm down?"

"When was the last time you slept?" Back to the vamp that was in front of her.

"A full night? Somewhere between September and August. Do we have to do this now? I'll explain everything I can later alright?"

"What's happened to you?"

"Nothing I'm fine now can I please get out of here. This whole place gives me a bad case of the wiggins. Just meet me tonight at the hotel. Bring whoever you want from your group this really involves all of them anyway."

His hand fell from her shoulder and she once again went to leave. This time neither of them stopped her and she slipped out the door.

Back in the lobby she waited for the elevator to open and glanced back at the desk. Yep there was Harmony she really was his secretary. How annoying would that be? Seeing her gaze the ditzy vampire hid behind her desk.

Some things still didn't change.

The bed felt like resting on a little peace of heaven and for once she was able to blank out her mind.

This time sleep would come she was bound and determined. And this time knowing what her dream had been trying to tell she knew instinctively that it wouldn't be back.

A contented sigh passed her lips as she felt herself drift away.

The sound of knocking pushed through the sleepy fog in her head and she opened her eyes. Turning her head she looked at the clock and saw that only three hours had passed. Not nearly enough time.

"I'm not here! And if you don't want to end up dead you'll stop pounding on that door!" How she had mustered up enough energy to shout was beyond her but she was damned if she was getting out of this bed.

The pounding resumed in earnest though and she threw one of the pillows across the room.

Getting to her feet she stalked over to the door noticing that her tinglies were going off. It was one of the two feelings she recognized so the amount of surprise she felt was dimmed as she opened the door.

"Already dead luv." He called her luv! Okay got to calm down probably doesn't mean anything by that. Just old habits.

"Um what? I mean... Did I miss something? Aren't you a little early?" She looked past him into the hallway but he was the only one there.

He just looked quizzically at her.

"I woke you up." He seemed unsure about that.

"Uhhh yeah, sort of." She knew the shorts and t-shirt she was wearing or the bed head she had to be sporting gave that away.

"I'm sorry I should let you sleep." He turned to go.

"No its okay. Why don't you come in?" She backed away from the door and watched as he stepped inside.

"Just give me a minute okay?" She took a change of clothes into the bathroom. Throwing them on she washed her face and ran a brush through her hair.

Going back into the room she looked at him while he paced the room. She wondered what he was thinking.

"I'm sorry." She couldn't stop saying that.

His pacing stopped and he stared at her. She looked deeply into his blue eyes and the familiar sensation of drowning in them hit her full force. It was so easy to lose herself in those expressive orbs. But she had to remind herself that he might not be to welcoming of that now.

His head tilted as he watched her. Feeling suddenly nervous in his gaze she walked over to the bed and sat down.

"Why are you sorry?" The question was soft like he was truly trying to understand.

"What I said before, what I did, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you." That hadn't been her intention.

When he just continued to stare she felt the need to explain.

"I know that you have to hate me now and I understand. What I said, it was awful but I didn't know what else to do. And you're okay now so..."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Saying what?"

"What in the bleedin' world would make you think that I hate you?"

She looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head.

"Why wouldn't I? This is the first time we've talked in over four months. You even sent Wesley to get your things and give me your key. I think that tells me what I needed to know." The words were strong but there was no fight in her voice.

"You've lost your bloody mind haven't you?"

"And this conversation is so helping. I really can't do this Spike." He was still standing across the room from her almost as if he didn't want to be in the same room with her.

His gaze was really starting to unnerve her.

"What are you trying to do?"

"Figure out what goes on in that head of yours."

"Surprisingly not too much. Spike why are you really here? I know you don't want to see me and I'm sorry." See there was that word again.

"Listen to me you silly bint. I don't hate you. Couldn't if I wanted to." The words startled her and she was unwilling to interpret them.

"Come on Spike. We both know that can't be true. I remember what I said and I hate me. It hurts but it's okay you don't have to pretend."

She saw frustration flash in his eyes and watched as he stalked to the bed. He kneeled in front of her the action reminding her of that night in that stranger’s house. A new fresh wave of pain crossed her heart. Had all of it really been snatched so far out of her grasp?

"Buffy." His voice was soft and it brought her attention back to his eyes. "I. Don't. Hate. You."

"You have to. I don't deserve anything less."

With the look on his face she was certain that she could have literally knocked him over with a feather.

"Look you stubborn chit I need you to listen to me. Not a word you hear?" The tone he used was full of force and she nodded her head meekly in reply. He sighed deeply.

"You were right to do what you did. I've never seen anyone be so selfless in my entire existence. Yeah you pushed all my buttons all right but that only means you knew me well enough to push the right ones. But you did what I needed. I would have never sought Peaches out on my own and you knew that.

So yeah I was mad at first. Couldn't help it you got my blood boiling pretty good. When I got here the Poof and I had a few words and I admit I vented a little about you and what you said. Probably explains why the bastard was so rude today.

But that didn't last wrong cause God help me Buffy I saw what you did. What you were willing to do I can't even imagine. So no I don't hate you."

"Then why send Wesley to get your things? Why didn't you just call me?" She wanted to understand but she was unwilling to let the words sink into her mind.

"You don't get it do you?" He stood and resumed his pacing. "I almost hurt you Buffy."

"What are you talking about?"

He sat next to her on the bed his eyes focused on the wall in front of him.

"You asked me to remember? I almost lost it and hit you."

She thought back to that night remembering now that she had tried to incite the violence in his demon to make him see. That was right he had stopped himself before it had happened. It had been that self-control that she had been counting on.

"I pushed you to it."

"Will you stop trying to be a martyr? It was me. I was going to hurt you." He turned slightly to face her. "I promised myself that I was never going to hurt you again. Bloody went out and got my soul so I wouldn't but it didn't help. Demon was gettin' the better of me." He paused and looked down at her hands resting in her lap. Taking one of his hands he covered hers. "You want to know why I haven't tried to talk to you? It's not hate Buffy, not anger, not a million other things then this; I don't deserve to be anywhere near you and I realize that now."

"What?" Not a very comprehensive statement but she could work around that.

"You deserve someone better in your life, not a monster. This only proved to me that no matter what I do the monster will still be there."

"Are you serious? That's it?" Stupid vampire.

"It's bloody enough don't you think? Thought staying away would make it easier for you."

"I can't believe this." She stood up suddenly and felt her own need to pace. Thinking for a minute she stopped and stared at him while he sat on the bed.

"You're right I don't deserve you." She saw him be taken aback by her words. "How could I? Look at the things I've done to you to the other people around me. Don't you see? There isn't going to be anyone better in my life. Who's going to be better than someone who understands me like you do? Who was able to love me no matter what happened. What's better then that? But it doesn't change the fact that I don't deserve you, that you deserve someone better than me."

She watched him shake his head as if to clear it.

"Have you gone and hit your head?"

She ignored his comment. "I did the same thing to you that I've done my entire life. I pushed you away just like everyone else."

He stood and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Why are you doin' this to yourself?"

"Because it's true don't you see that? I thought it was all some sort of mystical saying the slayer is alone and all. But it really is the truth. It's how it's supposed to be. How I truly am now." She hated herself for the sob that escaped her throat.

He crushed her body to him wrapping her in his embrace. He was mumbling something she couldn't quite make out and was peppering the top of her head with kisses in between.

"No." she let it out as she pushed him away. She watched as the hurt flickered across his face. "Don't do this. It's not your fault its mine. Don't take this on yourself."

She looked on as something deep moved through his eyes.

"My God woman. You really think the bloody universe is your fault don't you?" He took her arms again and sat her on the bed. Kneeling in front of her he placed his hands on her knees. "I'm only going to say this once so I expect you to pay attention." She saw the earnestness in his eyes and remained silent.

"I've bled inside everyday for the last four months being away from you. You’re the only spot of sunlight that I've had in my dark existence. I could never hate you Buffy because I love you.

That you let me into your life at all has been one of the greatest gifts I've had in my unlife. That you considered me a friend touched my heart in ways no one can comprehend.

But that you were willing to sacrifice yourself to save the mind of a stupid half crazed vampire I can't even describe how much that touched my soul.

I'm not expecting anything of you pet. I understand that you could never love me. But it isn't fair of me to keep hanging around the shadows of your life. Not when you could go out there and find someone else."

For some reason a bubble of anger had started in her gut and she could feel it growing in intensity. Why did the men in her life always insist there was someone else better out there?

"There's never going to be someone else. Don't you understand that? You're probably the last person I'm ever going to allow into my heart because it hurts too much. I can't deal with any more pain. So isn't it up to me to decide if I want you in my life or not? Is it really fair for me that everyone else keeps making that decision? The what's best for Buffy program. Well let me tell you something that program bites. I'm tired of it. So tell me without thinking about what's best for me what do you want?"

He sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

"You know what I would want but it doesn't matter cause it will never happen."

"Do me a favor and refresh my memory."

"Fine. I love you and the only thing that I want is to be a part of your life."

"That's what we had before. Now tell me what deep down you really want."

His blue gaze seemed to look deep within her and she could feel her breath hitch in her throat.

"Why are you doing this? You keep draggin’ out old wounds."

"Because maybe this time we should actually try to heal them instead of just bandaging them. Tell me."

"What tell you that all I've ever wanted is for you to love me? That you would want me in your life as more than a friend? Is that what you really want to know? How much it still hurts that it will never happen?" His eyes drifted away to stare back into space.

She watched him as he sat silently knowing that in this second she could hurt him worse than she had ever done with her fists alone.

"Never is a very long time." Her voice had grown soft. She waited as his head turned sharply to regard her again. She let all of her feelings show in her eyes letting him know how sincere she was.

She placed her palm to cup his cheek.

"Do you know how hard the last few months have been thinking that I lost you forever? It was the worst feeling in the world. Like someone had ripped out my soul left me completely empty. I hate that feeling. I don't want to ever have it happen again."

"What are you trying to say pet?"

Instead of talking she leaned her head forward and let her lips barely brush his. Looking into his eyes she saw the awe that he felt.

"That I'll always want you to be a part of my life Spike. You're more than just my friend. I love you."

She watched as a parade of emotions danced across his face. Looks of wonder, of disbelief, of acceptance and finally of joy at her simple words. Words she wished she could have said a long time ago.

She felt her heart begin to race as she waited for him to say anything and break the silence between them. As seconds ticked by and turned into a minute then two she began to feel a little nervous.

"Um Spike are you going to say anything?"

In response he moved his head closer to hers so they were millimeters apart.

"Do you mean that?" He was breathing heavily and Buffy found it somewhat amusing considering hello vampire so not needing the breath.

"I mean it Spike. I love you."

She was pleased when his lips suddenly crashed against hers and began a searing kiss.

Buffy was getting a little light headed from the lack of oxygen and regretfully tore her lips away. She pressed her forehead to his taking in much needed gulps of air.

Her eyes never left his soaking in the adoration she could see blazing in their blue depths. Neither of them moved not wanting to break the moment they were sharing.

The knock on her door startled both of them.

"I should get that." She didn't sound very convincing even to herself.

"Probably pet. Can't say that I want you too though." She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Walking to the door she opened it to stare into the glowering face of the ex love of her life.

"Hello Angel. Come on in." He brushed past her and she couldn't help but wonder what the hell he was brooding about now.

Following behind him was Wesley who gave her an apologetic smile as he entered. After him was a man and a woman that Buffy didn't know.

Once everyone was inside she closed the door and motioned for them to take the chairs and couch that had come with the room. With them seated she walked back over to the bed and sat next to Spike.

The action was not lost on Angel and his face took on an even darker look. One she had not seen since he had been Angelus. It was kind of freaking her out.

He hadn't said anything yet so maybe he was waiting for her.

She focused on the two people she didn't know and smiled warmly at them.

"Hi I'm Buffy."

"Dear lord where are my manners? Buffy this is Fred and Gunn." She knew the Englishman was covering for Angel but let it go for now.

"It's nice to meet you. So everybody's wondering what I have to say so why don't we get down to business."

She took a deep breath knowing she was going to stir up a boatload of trouble.

"You need to leave Wolfram and Hart."

Letting the sentence go she worried at the looks of disbelief on the others in the room. This was definitely going to be an uphill battle.

At least they weren't like the Scoobies with the shouting and yelling and all.

"Let me start over all right? I've gotten a visit from someone Angel knows two in fact in the last year but not going there."

"Who would that be?" Bless Wesley.

"Whistler." At the name Angel's head whipped up and his eyes focused on hers. "What? I told you that the Powers that Be contacted me. How did you think they did it?" She moved on not waiting for an answer. "They know how this place is affecting you guys and the fact that it's only going to get worse, much worse. So they sent me here to have a few words with Angel here."

"Worse in what way?" It was Gunn who asked.

"Kind of like the sending the world to hell kind of worse. But I think there's going to be a bunch of stuff in between."

"I don't know what you're talking about. We've done a lot of good by coming here." She could practically hear Angel snarling.

"What the hell is your problem? You've been nothing but all grr since I got here. Am I missing something?"

"You think you can just walk back into our lives and tell us to give up on what we're doing here? You don't have the right after the things you've done."

"Care to explain that a little bit?" Her whole body had tensed knowing that this was going to be very ugly.

"I know what happened between the two of you." He gestured to Spike. "And what happened in Sunnydale. You think you just get to disappear and come back and decide what everyone else is going to do?"

Her temper was flaring out of control now and she found herself standing without realizing it.

"Oh like you didn't teach me that little trick? How dare you. You have no idea what's been going on in my life. I didn't just show up here because I thought it would be a good time you asshole."

A gentle hand landed on her shoulder and she felt the anger fizzle. She gave a grateful glance over her shoulder at the man that now owned her heart.

She turned her attention back to the others in the room.

"None of that matters right now. The fact remains that you need to get out of that hell hole before the crap hits the fan."

"Give us a good reason." What the hell was with him?

"How about that they've been playing us since the beginning. All of this has been orchestrated by the group you call the Senior Partners."

"What do you mean Buffy?"

"Think about it. The Powers have invested all their energy into having certain Champions and Warriors right? It used to be just the Slayer, but then they got a vampire who was cursed with a soul. Then a certain slayer dies for like five seconds and they get a two for one deal. Followed closely by another vampire that does the unthinkable and goes and gets his soul, on his own mind you to prove to a very dumb woman that he loves her. Four Warriors with different destinies all working towards the same thing. So what's the most evil law firm in I don't know how many dimensions supposed to do?"

She could tell she had their attention now.

"Well considering that three of us were in the same house and working together for a while probably freaked them out. So I bet they started to look for way to make us weaker. Well what was the only thing you could do to the Sunnydale Slayer? Couldn't even kill her cause not so much with the staying dead."

"The Scoobies." She smiled tenderly at him.

"You always said it wasn't supposed to be part of the package. Yeah so they hit me where it would hurt the most. They had managed to get a person on the inside I guess to keep an eye on what we were doing. When I got to close to figuring things out they managed to cause enough distrust to get me thrown out of my own house."

"Who was it pet?" His angry snarl caught her off guard.

"Kennedy. She was working for Wolfram and Hart since the beginning. You guys might want to look up what kind of deal she had. Something to do with getting power. Probably not a good thing."

"If I ever see that bitch..."

"Never mind Spike I'm over it. Well not over but you know what I mean."

"I don't see how that would help." Fred said quietly.

"Well seeing as how they did it right before I went to go fight a majorly strong Big Bad, let's just say it was demoralizing. If Spike hadn't of found me you probably would have had to attend another Buffy funeral." The low growl from behind her made a smile creep onto her face. She took a step behind her and felt his strong chest against her back and sighed.

"Maybe they didn't know how much things had really changed between the two of us or maybe they were thinking I wouldn't be able to function without my friends. Not that I'm saying it wasn't hard but it didn't break me. Because I still had someone." His arm had snuck its way around her waist and she couldn't help but smile inwardly at the even darker look she got from Angel.

Her hand dropped to his squeezing it because she knew this next bit was going to be hard on him.

"So they had Faith all alone with my friends which I hear not as good. But Spike and I were still supporting each other in Cleveland. So they had to find a way to separate the two of us. But this time they didn't go after me. They went and did the one thing that they knew would hurt a vampire." He had dropped his arm from her waist and took a step back. She turned and looked at his face and read the look of pain in his eyes.

"It was in Mexico. They trailed and cornered her in an alley. I'm sorry." Her hand reached out and touched his chest. He wrapped his hand around hers for a moment before letting go.

"I'll kill the miserable wankers." The feral quality in his eyes shone brightly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She turned and gave him a frustrated glare.

"Are you not listening Angel? Wolfram and Hart hired mercenaries to kill Drusilla."

"They wouldn't dare."

"Please why not? You think just because you signed up with them that they wouldn't touch anyone else you knew? Are you that naive?" She turned back to look at Spike for a moment making sure he was okay.

He gave her a slight nod his jaw clenched in anger that had no outlet for now.

"What exactly were they hoping to accomplish?"

"I think you know the answer to that as well as I do Wesley. I'm not sure about the final result they wanted but you know the effects of a vampire losing a closely bonded sire."

At the look of confusion on the other two's faces she gave them an apologetic smile.

"Sorry it's one of those rare vampire things. Wesley can explain it later. What they apparently didn't count on though was me sending Spike to Angel."

"Surprised me too luv."

"You needed him." She shrugged. "But they didn't know that I knew that or that I would do anything to make sure it happened. So they weren't counting on the two of you working together."

"But what about you?"

"Honestly? If they wanted me out of the picture? I don't know. The last few months have been rough."

"What's this got to do with things now?"

"What you think the mind games just suddenly stopped?" She thought for a minute. "Had any Mountain Dew lately? Oh wait that was Spike." She smirked at the dark vamp.

"How...?"

"Oh please so not hard. Whistler gave me the highlights." She had more but thought it best to wait until they were alone.

"So the point is they are using you like a bunch of puppets. I say you cut the strings. Walk away from them."

"Do you honestly believe they would just let us leave?"

"No I don't. I don't know about you Gunn but I hate to be played. At least this way your forcing their hand making them come out and fight in the open."

"And if we don't?"

"I don't know short term wise. But every choice you make is something they've planned for. And in the end?" She didn't bother to elaborate letting them figure it out for themselves.

She took in the looks of thoughtfulness of the three humans in the room. If they were considering it she was making progress. Letting her eyes drift to Angel she was disappointed to see his face had not changed. He wasn't buying a single word too intent on not trusting her. She sighed deeply.

"Why don't you let them sleep on it pet? See how they feel in the mornin'."

She gave a short nod. "Is that all right with you?" She only addressed the living in the room.

"It is a lot to think about Buffy."

"I know Wesley really. If you want to ask me anything I'll be right here."

They stood up to go and Buffy walked towards the door. Opening it for them she let them pass. When Angel approached she stopped in front of him blocking his path.

"I don't think we're done yet." She closed the door.

"Funny I thought we were."

"Just sit down Angel." At his glare she felt her hands settle on her hips. "Sit or I'll make you sit. Either way doesn't matter."

He took in her stance and the tilt of her head for a moment. Something flickered behind his eyes and he turned and retook his seat.

She went and stood directly in front of him.

"So do I get an explanation now or what?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Is that so? Well considering I've had nicer conversations with Angelus I'd say you have something to tell me."

He flinched at the name. Good she had touched a nerve.

"Look you have what you came for. You've got the Bleached Wonder over there so why don't you go ahead and go."

"Have I been talking to myself for the last half hour? As much joy as it brings me to see Spike he isn't the reason I made this little trek. What do I need to say to convince you of that?"

"I don't think you could say anything. Seems like you've made your choice a while ago."

"Oh my God. You're jealous? Is that what all this is about? Because I left town and didn't come running to you?"

"It's where you belong."

"Hello deluded much. Since when did I belong out here?"

"You love me." She ignored the slight snarl from the other vamp.

She gaped at him unable for a moment to form words.

"I love you?" She let the words roll out in a question trying to make them make sense. She shook her head and lowered herself into another chair.

"You still love me I know it." The cocky sound of his voice made something scratch in her mind.

"I still care about you Angel but that doesn't mean I'm still in love with you. Considering you've thrown every chance we've had of being together out the window I have to wonder what it is you feel about me." She could feel Spike's eyes boring into her back trying to figure out what was going on.

"What are you talking about?"

"Us Angel. You left Sunnydale not me. You were the one who had the chance to be human and got the oracles to turn back time." His shocked look spurred her on.

"Yeah Whistler dropped that little bomb. So you made sure you were still a vamp so I wouldn't die and erased my memory of the whole thing. News flash Angel I still died and you were no where in sight."

"You are the dumbest oaf I have ever seen. Your not a poof you're a impotent git." Her head whipped around to look at the disbelieving blond. "You had the chance to be with her and you decided that being a vamp was better? Do you know what I would do for a chance like that?"

"I did what I thought was best. I still love you Buffy."

"Do you? I thought that you loved Cordelia or at least that was the impression she got before she died. And I could have sworn you were dating a werewolf. Make up your mind Angel."

"But..."

"I did love you for a long time. But not the way you think. I was in love with the idea you represented. The oh my God it's so romantic and tragic kind of love. That's not real. If you want to know the truth I'm in love with him."

She could of heard a pin drop in the room and was kind of thinking of walking over and picking Angel's jaw off the floor.

"So now that's out in the open can we please talk about the apocalypse I'd like to stop?"

"What is it exactly we're facing luv?"

"I'm not sure Spike. All I know is Angel is supposed to make a decision that will either help us defeat this place or end the world."

"No pressure there."

"So Angel you want to tell me what little plans you got swirling around that brain of yours."

She stared at him noticing that all he seemed capable of doing for the moment was staring between herself and Spike.

"Hello Earth to Angel?" She watched as he slowly shook his head.

"You love him?" Crap.

"Yes Angel. I love Spike. Would you like me to spell that for you?"

"How could you possibly love Spike?" Inwardly she suppressed a groan. This was going to be a long night.

"How couldn't I? You've seen the way he loves, completely with everything he is, how could I not fall in love with him?" She could feel the curiosity in the gaze centered on the back of her head. Well if they were going to hash this out now he might as well get to look in her eyes as it happens.

She stood and moved in front of Spike. Taking his arm gently she steered him to the couch and motioned for him to sit. Satisfied she went back and sat in the chair she had before.

"But this is Spike." Would he ever shut up?

"And you of all people should understand. You saw how much he loved Drusilla used it against him if I remember correctly."

"But...." She sighed heavily.

"What are you going to say? That he's a vampire and I couldn't love a vampire? Well hello pot calling kettle. That he used to be a soulless demon? Again not so much room for talk. Like you he's got his soul now. But do you really want to know the difference? If for some reason he lost his soul right now he would still love me and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Can you say the same Angel? Cause having experienced it for myself I'm thinking not."

She stood then and began to pace.

"No it hasn't been easy and yes we've both done some really hurtful stupid things. But there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about him. Not a second when I can imagine my life without him. Not a moment in the last four months where I didn't feel an aching pain at being apart." She was staring into his blue eyes now not even paying attention to see if Angel was listening or not. "So yeah I love him. That true I can't possibly live without you because it cuts me up inside love. The hard messy worth it kind of love."

She sat back into the chair and focused her attention back on Angel.

"So are we done talking about this now?"

She could read the hurt in his eyes and a small part of her felt a tiny pang of regret. It wasn't her intention to cause him pain but the sooner he realized the truth the better it would be for all of them. And she had the sneaking suspicion that it would be in their best interest in the future if he was very comfortable with the fact that she loved Spike.

"Yes."

"Good."

"But I don't see why we would need to leave Wolfram and Hart." He was making her head hurt.

"Well that's my idea. It would just be better if you left. With everything that's happened there you would think that you would want to leave."

His eyes slid away from hers.

"I can't."

She didn't even try to pretend.

"Because of Connor. Do you really think they're going to keep their word?"

"How? How did you?"

"Angel I made sure they filled me in on everything. Even the stuff you did that wasn't so great. The others if they ever found out would be pissed."

"What are you talking about and who is Connor?" Buffy sighed.

"You should tell him Angel he is family." There was a pained look on Angel's face. "Fine if you don't want to that's up to you. But the fact is as long as you let them control you this way they're winning."

"You don't understand."

"Believe me I do. But this was never going to be a permanent solution and you should have known that. Making a deal with a bunch of evil lawyers is never going to end well."

"I just don't know what to do Buffy."

"Cordelia had the right idea you know. You have kind of lost yourself. I just wished she had explained it better and dropped all the cryptic soul searching crap. I hate that."

"So I got it wrong?"

"It's not your fault. They just suck at their timing is all. It wouldn't have been bad if you'd left like you wanted to before she showed up. The point was that you were the one who fights for what's right, okay. So what's so right about working in the office of evil incorporated? Nothing."

"Then I should just quit?"

"See now you get it. Less with the cryptic is of the good. Yes get out and take your friends with you before something really bad happens. Fight on your terms not theirs. But don't go out and pick petty fights either. Save yourself for the big battles."

"And what about Connor?" She looked deep into his eyes for a moment.

"They have a plan for him Angel. I know it hurts to even think about it but he really doesn't belong here."

"I can't accept that."

"I understand that too. Follow your heart with him its the only thing you can do. But right now he's living a lie and so is everyone else that knew him. You can't let that go on. And don't you think he'll resent it more once he finds out about this?"

He hung his head at her words and let out a deep sigh.

"I just don't know." She looked him over for a second thinking that he looked so tired, so beaten.

"Go and think about it. Take a night and stay at the hotel you used to live at. Get some perspective on the thing. If you need me I'll be here."

His eyes had taken on a worn and resigned look. Her heart tugged a little for him, sorry that someone she considered a friend had such a hard road ahead of them. Sorry she had to deliver the news herself.

He nodded in agreement and stood to go. She followed him to the door and gently placed a hand on his arm as he moved forward.

"I know this is hard but I'll help any way I can."

He nodded again and walked out the door.

She made sure the door was shut and sagged against it letting out a long sigh.

"Has it always been this hard to get through to him?"

"Long as I've known him." She walked slowly back over to him and sagged down next to his side.

"Want to explain some of that pet?"

"I would but it's not my place." His nod let her feel some relief that maybe she was done for the night. She let her eyes slip shut and her body relax.

After a moment she realized he'd been speaking.

"Huh?"

"Buffy you all right luv?"

"Sorry just tired."

"You should get some rest." He stood up. "I'll come by in the mornin' see if the others have made a decision."

"Spike could you stay here? I mean if you want to." After being apart for so long she didn't want him to leave.

"Sure. Why don't you go get ready."

She forced herself off of the couch and back into the bathroom to change into the shorts and t-shirt she'd had on earlier. Once done she walked back into the room and flopped herself onto the bed.

"All set?" She barely gave him a lazy nod.

He flicked off the light and made his way to the bed. Lying down next to her he gathered her in his arms holding her close.

"Spike." Her voice was muffled with the on come of sleep.

"Yeah pet?"

"I missed you."

"Missed you too luv." The sound of his voice and the comfort of his arms sent her drifting away in slumber.

There was a slight tapping noise that was tugging at the corner of her mind prodding her to wake. It was slow and gentle and insistent. She tried to ignore the feeling and let her body drift in the carefree fog that surrounded her senses.

But the tapping wouldn't stop.

Eventually it became to strong an urge and her mind began to clear. Her brain pulling itself into wakefulness.

Opening her eyes she was able to place the tapping noise. Someone had been knocking softly on the door.

Looking over she saw Spike murmuring through the door. His back was to her and his hair was tousled from sleep. He was shirtless and she watched suddenly fascinated by the play of his muscles under his skin. She found she was holding her breath and let it out slowly.

"Who is it Spike?"

His head turned at the sound of her voice.

"Sorry didn't want to wake you luv."

"No it's all right." For the first time in months she felt completely rested. It was great.

Spike motioned through the door and a haggard looking Wesley came into the room. Taking in his appearance she sat upright in bed.

"Wes are you okay?"

"Um yes actually I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you the others haven't reached a decision yet but..." He sighed and sat in one of the chairs. "I'm leaving that bloody place."

"It won't be easy but it's the right thing."

"I also came to tell you I have some information."

"About what?"

"The dagger you asked me to research? I've found its origins. It's a ceremonial dagger created in the blood of a pure warrior. It was used to kill the last of the pure demons that walked the earth."

"So that can't be good then can it?"

"I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that. It was believed to be a myth."

"Excuse me but what the bloody hell are you babblin' about?"

"I had a slayer dream Spike and I asked Wesley to look up a few things for me."

"And what exactly happens in this dream?"

"Basically some fighting with an ugly red thing and me holding that dagger." He was giving her that look again like he knew she wasn't telling him something. But he seemed to shake his head and let it go.

She took a quick glance at the clock and saw that it was only seven in the morning.

"Did you sleep at all?"

The ex Watcher seemed to give her a sheepish expression.

"Well not exactly."

"I'll take that as a no. Go home and get some sleep. We can figure all of this out later."

"I assure you that I'm all right Buffy."

"Listen to her Percy. Might need to use that brain of yours for somethin' later. Won't be any good if you don't get some kip."

She watched as his gaze flicked back and forth to her and Spike.

"Maybe just a little. You will let me know if the other's contact you?"

"I'll call you as soon as I hear. Now go on."

He agreed quickly and made a hasty retreat.

Buffy reclined back onto the bed relishing in the feeling of relaxation in her muscles. One down and three to go. Of course Wesley had agreed first he was the sensible one after all.

She looked over to see Spike studying her intently. When their eyes made contact he walked to the side of the bed and sat next to her.

"What?"

"Have I told you how gorgeous you look in the morning?"

She paused like she was giving the thought serious consideration, trying to ignore the warmth in her cheeks or the speeding up of her heart.

"I don't think so."

He placed a hand on her cheek and she could only gaze into his eyes.

"Well let me correct that then hmm? You look so beautiful like the angel you are."

"Spike-" She breathed his name a lump forming in her throat.

He leaned his head closer to hers so their brows were barely touching.

"Tell me you meant what you said last night." He didn't bother to hide the desperation in his voice and she felt her heart beat a little faster in her chest.

"Every word." She raised a hand to rest against the back of his neck slowly stroking the skin there. "I love you."

"Again." She couldn't resist the plea in his eyes as he breathed the word to her.

"I love you Spike." Buffy could see his eyes shining brightly from the tears that threatened to fall. She pulled his head to her and moved her lips over his in a slow gentle kiss.

He wrapped his arms around her body pulling them closer together.

Entwined in his arms feeling his cool lips move over her warm ones she thought she had never felt anything so right in her entire life. Here locked in his embrace she felt truly at peace and completed. It was better then heaven even dreamed of being.

Pulling back to get some air she brushed at the tears that had rolled from her eyes.

"Buffy pet what's wrong?" His voice held a slight edge of panic.

She giggled, the first time she remembered doing that in ages.

"Spike nothing. Happy tears only I promise." She watched as he visibly relaxed. "Have I told you how cute you look with bed hair?"

"Hey! Big Bad here! I don't do cute."

"Hmm then can I tell you how sexy you look with bed hair?" His low growl sent a shiver up her spine.

"Anytime luv." His lips found hers again, pressing roughly as if searching for something deeper. Buffy slid her tongue over his bottom lip and was rewarded with a small moan. As his lips parted she slipped her tongue inside, slowly tasting and exploring him.

Her own moan slipped from her as his tongue slid against hers. They swirled against each other savoring in the taste of one another. Pausing only when Buffy's need for oxygen became too strong for her to resist.

His hand slowly caressed her face.

"Buffy love you so much."

"Show me Spike."

A sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob came from him as he kissed her.

Their mouths met in a slow passionate kiss that started as a slow burn. It was a greedy meeting of lips and teeth, sucking and nibbling driving the burn into a roaring flame. Tongues probed questioningly, delving into the darkest recess of each other, seeking the familiarity of the others touch. She could feel the warmth spread through her body, racing along her nerve endings.

The pull to move her hands, to feel him beneath her fingers had become too strong to resist and she moved her hands across his shoulders and down his back. Reaching the waistband of his pants she brought her hands around his front and slowly traced the muscles of his chest.

His hands had begun to wander and they ghosted over her face, along the curve of her neck and down her sides. They lightly brushed against the sides of her breasts, trickling down her sides until they reached the hem of the shirt she was wearing. He grasped her by the hips for a moment deepening the kiss infusing it with the desperate need to be closer to her.

She gasped as his hands moved under the thin cotton of her shirt and trailed across her stomach. Grasping the hem of her shirt he pushed it up. Leaning forward she raised her arms as he removed it from her. Feeling his fingers kneading into the soft flesh of her breasts caused her to arch herself into his touch. She shivered as his mouth trailed small kisses down her neck and down into the hollow of her throat.

The tenderness in his touch was driving her insane. It had been too long since she had been touched, too long for her to have any form of patience. As his mouth pulled in one of her tight nipples she grasped his hands and pulled them down to the waist of her shorts. Apparently getting the hint he tugged on her shorts pulling them off as she raised her hips in cooperation. Clad in only her underwear she knew that she needed him naked like now. Placing her hands back on his chest she trailed them over his pecs her thumb flicking over a nipple.

The moan that rumbled against her chest tugged in her abdomen letting loose a series of excited tremors. She flitted her hands down to the button of his jeans and flicked her wrist unfastening it with a satisfying pop. Her fingers grasped the metal tab of his zipper and eased down. Once done he stood and took them off.

Locking her eyes with his as he moved closer to her, she shifted a bit towards the center of the bed making room for him without thinking. He stretched out beside her his hands once again roaming over her sensitive skin. She focused only on the feel of his touch how it stirred inside of her. Her own hands were moving again until they trailed up to his neck and pulled him to her for a fevered kiss.

His hand brushed the cotton of the last barrier between their two bodies lightly stroking her. She raised her hips to his touch impatient for them to be closer. As if he knew what she was feeling he hooked his finger through the elastic string of her panties and pulled them off her. Her breath hitched in anticipation as his mouth moved down her body covering her in open wet kisses. Every touch of his lips sent waves of heat rushing to the surface of her skin.

He paused over her mound watching the expression on her face and she soaked in the look of his half lidded eyes. Eyes that had turned almost onyx with desire and want. Unconsciously she held her breath waiting for his next move.

That breath came out in a rush as his head dipped between her thighs and his tongue stroked her. She lost herself in the sensations of his wet and now warm tongue laved over her sex. As he moved over her outer lips and began to administer much needed attention to her clit she felt the muscles in her stomach tighten. A glorious tingling sensation started in her outer limbs and built as it moved towards her center.

"Spike oh God yes!" The words tumbled from her mouth as wave after wave of pleasure caused her to tremble.

Eventually she started to come back to reality. She blinked heavily lidded eyes at the man staring at her. A smile played on her lips as she watched him fascinated with the way he seemed to be taking pleasure in just looking at her.

She crooked a finger at him gesturing him closer, to finally unite the two of them. Her eyes hungrily gazed at him as he prowled up her body the evidence of his arousal blatant to her sight. She raised her legs to wrap around his waist positioning herself for him.

A low moan echoed through the room as she felt him sink his manhood slowly into her tight sheath. The sensation of him stretching and filling her was overwhelming and she found herself struggling to grab air into her lungs.

It was so right so good. Not that she should have been surprised. It had always been good between them and she had to admit to herself long ago that Spike was an incredible and giving lover. Not that she had a lot of experience for comparison but she was fairly certain that he was a rare find be it vampire or man.

He was moving inside of her slowly pumping in and out in a slow steady rhythm. The pace was excruciating prolonging the pleasure between the two of them. Unable to stand it anymore she contracted the muscles that held him tightly. His gasp in response was like music to her ears and she repeated the move. This time she was rewarded with a long moan. Encouraged she did it once more.

"Oh Buffy luv please...." The speed of his thrusts increased driving him deeper into her core.

One more time she tensed her mucsles and held him tightly. A low growl escaped him as he thrust inside her faster. She could feel the building of another orgasm in the pit of her stomach. A tight winding of sensation coiling through her being begging to be released.

He dropped his head so it nuzzled near her ear and she could hear his labored breathing.

"Now Buffy cum for me love." The sound of his husky voice filled with so much awe and passion reached into her core.

"Spppiiiiikkkkeeee." Her body tensed and shuddered around him. Through the pleasure educed haze on her senses she could feel his release draw near.

His head reared back and a hoarse shout of her name was followed by the sensation of his seed spilling into her. She gladly accepted the reassurance of his weight as he sank on top of her.

Once her breathing had come back from warp speed she ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair. He propped himself onto his elbows and stared into her eyes.

"I love you." The words were said with so much love and affection and conviction that she could feel her heart swelling.

"I love you too."

And then his lips were on hers in a slow languorous kiss.

She stole a glance at the alarm clock next to the bed and saw that it was already ten o'clock.

"Damn!"

"What's the matter pet?" His voice was muffled against the side of her neck.

"It's late and we have things to do."

"I can think of plenty to do and none of them requires us to get out of this bed." The kiss he placed against her neck both tickled and thrilled her.

"And why doesn't that surprise me?" She sighed. "As much as I would like to find out what you're thinking; check out is at eleven and it's already ten."

"What? You're not staying here?"

"Um a world of no. I was going to ask Angel if he wouldn't mind if I stayed at that old hotel of his." It couldn't have been her imagination that she felt him stiffen when she had said Angel's name.

"No need for that pet got a place not to far away."

"You're not staying with him at Evil inc.?"

The look she got from him simply said that she had lost her mind.

"Kay sorry I asked. So what kind of place is it?"

"An apartment 's not fancy but..." She watched as he shyly ducked his head.

"This apartment of yours it has a bed right?"

"Yeah."

"And when I'm there your going to be there right?"

"Pretty much."

"Then its perfect." She tilted her head at him studying him for just a moment. "If you really want me to stay there."

"If you think I'm letting you out of my sight you've gone round the bend."

She giggled and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Now come on. I'm worried that we haven't heard from the others yet."

********

While Spike was in the shower she took the opportunity to give Dawn a call.

"Hey Dawn."

"Buffy did you make it to L.A. okay?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to call and let you know that I was okay."

"And how was Spike?"

It was telling of how their relationship had changed that Dawn was the one person besides Spike she had wanted to tell about her realization of how she felt. And far from being judgmental her sister had welcomed the news knowing that if she was finally happy than she was happy for her. The maturity she had finally found was astounding and she hoped that she had been able to share some of it with the others.

"Oh Dawn he's good he really is."

"See you were right as usual. And did you tell him?" Dawn had been adamant that the first order of business was to tell the missing vamp exactly how she felt.

"Well aren't we pushy? Yes last night. And again this morning. And I plan on telling him again tonight."

The snicker that came over the phone line made her smile.

"So happy?"

"Dawnie I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am."

"So what else is going on?"

"I thought you said you didn't want to know about the Angel sitch."

"And I changed my mind. It's a thing. Do you want to talk about it?" Her sister was really something.

"Not much to tell right now. I just talked to him a little last night going to go talk to him today."

"And how did he take the whole Spike thing?"

"Did you know that even at 240 some odd years you can still act like you just turned twelve?"

"That good huh?" Buffy heard the sound of the shower being turned off.

"You don't even want to know. Look I gotta go. I'll call you a little later okay?"

"You better and tell Spike I expect to talk to him too."

"I will. Bye."

"Later."

********

One quick shower later she walked with Spike into the elevator of Wolfram and Hart. It didn't matter that it was daylight outside or that there had been no direct threat to her since stepping her first foot into the building. The place was still way too creepy for her taste.

She had no plan of action of course because for once this wasn't a direct fight. It wasn't a foe that she knew she could plan against and anticipate their actions. No now she had only her words to use to convince friends into the right course of action. Some of them more stubborn then others.

So now she stood in the lobby outside of Angel's office wondering what she should say. Part of her thought about just going in there and punching him in the nose to see if it would knock some sense into him. But the other part of her knew that it would just make him get all defensive and huffy and possibly brood more. And she definitely couldn't deal with that.

"He's not in yet." The reprieve from facing Angel came in the form of a little voice from behind the desk.

"Harmony you don't have to hide." She was amazed that she could get her voice to sound so patient. Guess dealing with Andrew had some good points after all.

Buffy watched partly amused as the top of her blond head started to poke over the desk. When she didn't move further she was surprised that she actually chuckled.

"Really I'm not going to hurt you."

"But you're the Slayer."

"Kind of know that. C'mon I'm serious you don't do anything to me and I'll leave you alone."

"Um okay well... You want me to call him?" She gestured towards the office.

"No that's okay. We'll come back later."

She took Spike's hand and began to walk away.

*********

Spike led her down the hall towards the lab where he knew Fred was working. They stopped near the glass doors observing as she talked to a man in a white lab coat and studied a giant stone box. At least that's what it looked like it was to Buffy.

Clearing her throat as she walked in Buffy smiled as Fred glanced over to her.

"Hey Fred I was wondering if I could talk to you for just a minute?"

"Sure." A bright smile on her face. When she got closer her voice dropped. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah. Everything's fine why do you ask?"

"Well after last night and then I hadn't heard from Wesley today and I'm kinda worried."

Buffy caught something in the other woman's eyes as she had talked about the former watcher.

"Nothin' to worry about pet."

"We sent him home to get some sleep."

With the look of relief that flooded Fred's eyes Buffy was certain about her instinct.

She nodded. "So what do you want to talk about?"

While she talked Buffy watched a young woman with dark brown hair and also in a lab coat, as she walked into the room and began to chat with the man. After a few words the man left and the woman began to study the object more carefully.

"I was just wondering if you had thought about what we discussed last night?"

The lab coated woman reached out her hand curiously to a purple gem on the thing and Buffy watched, as a gust of air seemed to blow in her face disturbing her hair.

Hearing the sound of ragged coughing Fred turned her attention to the woman. The man from earlier also returned.

"Laura are you okay?"

"Yeah just." cough, "I must of disturbed a pocket of air or something."

"Knox let's get Laura to medical and get her checked just in case."

"Sure Fred." Buffy watched as the two of them left and took a glance at Spike. He looked as confused as she felt.

"Well that was sure odd." Fred's brow was furrowed in thought.

Buffy let out a long sigh. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

*********

They had watched as Fred in full Haz Mat gear fully inspected what they had told Buffy was a sarcophagus. An obviously old and ornate one. After watching the poking and prodding for about a half hour she was bored.

"Maybe we should go check on Laura." She knew that the plea to get out of the lab was plain in her eyes.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"If you want pet. Medical's just down the hall." She could tell that he was just as bored as she had been but wasn't going to let her know that.

They walked into the Medical area in time to see that the place was totally empty. There was no sign of Laura or the doctors who worked there.

Shrugging their shoulders to each other they turned and left the room headed for the lobby area. Maybe they could find Angel or Gunn now and talk to them.

Turning around a corner they almost ran into Laura literally.

"Hey Laura how are you?"

"Clean bill of health. They just let me out of there."

"Better safe then sorry I guess."

The young woman nodded.

"You're new here aren't you pet? Don't remember seeing you much."

"I just started here two weeks ago. Ms. Burkle, I mean Fred hired me herself."

"Well I'm glad you're alright. I'm Buffy by the way and this is Spike."

"It's good to meet you." She shook Buffy's hand. "Thank you."

"For what?" She thought about the conversation they were having but couldn't reconcile the words.

"For being so nice. I mean I don't even know you but... well thank you."

Buffy gave her a warm smile.

"In that case you're welcome. Did you want to head back to the lab with the others?"

"Actually that was where I was headed. Will I be seeing you later?"

"A definite possibility."

She watched as Laura opened her mouth to speak when her eyes suddenly rolled up into the back of her head and she began to sink to the floor. Reacting quickly Spike reached out and grabbed her settling her down gently as her body began to convulse.

"We need some help over here!" Buffy yelled.

Standing in Angel's office Buffy glanced around to the group assembled there. Everyone was present and accounted for. She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited while Angel talked on the phone. She needed to do something, move around a bit to expel the energy she felt coursing through her limbs. It was a rough combination of the left over adrenalin from watching helplessly as Laura collapsed and the fact that after months of slaying non stop she hadn't been out for days.

Now standing in the fancy office at the top of Wolfram and Hart she was feeling a bit antsy. At least she wasn't the only one. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Spike pacing across the office. With every lap he completed he earned another glare from Angel.

Wesley was sitting on the couch next to Fred his knee as close to hers as possible. Oh yes there was definitely something going on between the two of them Buffy was sure of it.

On the other side of the room Gunn was talking to some green skinned guy that Buffy hadn't met.

Before Buffy could think of a good reason to bolt out of the room Angel hung up the phone.

"And?" She sounded as impatient as she felt.

"Their not sure. It's almost like some kind of parasite is invading her body."

"Meaning what exactly?" Wes asked.

"Whatever it is it's cooking her organs. They'll liquefy in a day's time."

"And that's a wonderful mental picture, thank you."

"It doesn't match anything in our archives. Whatever it is it might be mystical in origin."

"What about the sarcophagus?"

"I've thrown everything we have at it and nothing's worked." Fred sounded as upset as Buffy felt.

"What about you Wes?"

"We've been trying to look it up but the symbols, the markings don't match anything we have."

Buffy was listening carefully at the lack of information that was being passed around. Something just wasn't right about the whole thing and it was sending little messages to the back of her mind. But she was unable to get what it was trying to say.

"Where did it come from?"

"It just showed up at the lab. Someone delivered it last night."

"In the middle of the night someone dropped off a really old unasked for stone box?" Sarcasm was still her friend in a tense situation.

"You think this was deliberate?" Wesley seemed to be putting something together in his mind.

"It would make more sense. Maybe the Senior Partners?" Angel asked as he looked at Gunn.

"It doesn't add up. But I can go hit the white room."

"What about that Lindsey guy? He likes to play games." Angel gave Spike a slight nod.

"Since we have his address now it's a good place to start."

"I'm going I've got to get out of here." And she wasn't kidding.

"I'm right behind you luv."

"We can call it a double date." The green guy replied at which Buffy felt a smile emerge onto her lips.

"Let's not." Angel commented as he headed out the door.

*******

Buffy stepped into the apartment and looked at the strange markings on the walls. Not something Better Homes and Gardens would include in their decorating tips.

She and Lorne began to search through the living room looking for even the tiniest scrap of paper giving them a clue about what was happening to Laura. Spike and Angel began to make their way to the back of the apartment.

"Well I'll be damned all over again." She could hear the surprise in Angel's voice and rushed to see what he had found.

She entered the room behind the two men who were standing in front of the bed. On it was a woman that normally would probably be pretty attractive that was wearing only a man's dress shirt and looked like she hadn't moved in days.

"Whose your friend?" She was really curious now.

"Eve's no one's friend pet. Used to be the poof's liaison with the Senior Partners." He sneered at Eve. "Bet you’re a bit lonely though now huh?"

"Don't come near me."

"How long before they notice your missing Eve or do you have that many sick days saved up?"

"What do you want?"

"Answers. Mystical parasite a young woman's infected with it."

"I don't know anything about it."

"How about your boyfriend then? Any schemes throwing coffins about?" He took a menacing step closer to the bed. "Sarcophagus older than anything we know."

"Lindsey and I have nothing to do with that. I don't have any reason to lie." She looked at all four of them in turn. "Have you heard from him?"

Buffy hid a smile as she watched Spike roll his eyes at the pathetic woman.

"You aren't telling me anything useful."

"Why would we do anything to someone we don't even know?"

"Because it wasn't supposed to be someone you didn't know." She said it quietly the wheels in her mind spinning.

"Buffy?" She looked into Spike's eyes for a moment.

"Think about it. Who would have been the first one to touch that thing? Only she was distracted because we went to the lab."

"They were trying to get to Fred." Angel's voice sounded flat as the implications set in.

"Why would we want to do anything to her? Why would we even care?"

Heads turned as the sound of Lorne's fist connecting to Eve's face sounded in the room.

"Ow that really hurt." Lorne leaned in right into Eve's face. "Here's the thing Eve. You're going to sing for me and I'm going to read you right now. And here's one more thing; Winifred Burkle once said to me after a sinful amount of Chinese food and in lieu of absolutely nothing: "I think a lot of people would choose to be green. Your shade if they had a choice." If I hear a note, one quarter note that tells me you had any involvement in this and these two won't even have the chance to kill you." Lorne straightened up.

"I wanna help you I swear I don't have a thing against Fred or this other chick."

"Croon it to someone that cares." Spike snarked.

Buffy watched as Eve sighed and then took a deep breath.

"Memories all alone in the moonlight-"

"Stop! I should kill you just for that." Lorne rubbed his temples. "She's clean."

"You sure?" Angel didn't sound convinced.

"Yeah. She reads clean her future's not too bright but..."

"What do you mean?" Buffy watched, as the woman seemed to curl into herself.

"Nothing's written in stone of course but if I was you I'd make like Carmen Miranda and die." Lorne turned to head out of the door.

"Wait. You're not going to tell them about me are you?"

"Hell of a bargaining chip." Spike said and Buffy watched, as Angel seemed to mull that over in his mind.

"They can't help you. If you're talking about a sarcophagus. There’s nothing that doesn't match with our records except for what came before. The old ones."

"The original demons. Before human kind. They were all driven out of this dimension."

"The ones that were still alive. But before that they were killing each other all the time and they don't die the way we do. Wesley may not know it but his source books can conjure up anything not just our own stock. Tell him to look for the texts that are forgotten, the oldest scrolls. You need to find the Deeper Well."

*******

Back in Angel's office Buffy could feel a headache coming on. The waiting was always what she had hated. After all she was the original action girl and right now there was nothing she could do. The fact that a nice young woman that she had just met was now lying in a bed getting ready to die was clawing at her insides. They were almost the same age and Laura seemed to have the normal life that had always been just a dream to her. Now it was all going to be taken away in one fell swoop by an ugly twist of fate.

"It's called Illyria, a great warrior and monarch of the demon age murdered by rivals and left adrift in the Deeper Well." Wesley looked as though he had been run over by a truck.

"Which is?" Wesley was starting to sound like the watcher she remembered.

"A burial ground a resting place for all the remaining old ones."

"This one ain't resting." Gunn replied.

"No. I don't think this is merely an infection. Laura's skin is hardening like a shell. I think she's being hollowed out so this thing can use her to gestate. To claw it's way back into world. That's speculation. Either way she dies." His voice held a tone of defeat.

"Do we have any chance of finding the Deeper Well?"

Wes nodded to Angel.

"I already have. It's in England, in the Cotswolds." He handed him a slip of paper. "That's the location to the inch."

"How soon can we be there?"

"In one of our jets four hours." Fred answered.

"It will have a guardian maybe several." Wesley warned.

"I've been looking for a good fight." And Buffy wasn't surprised to hear the anticipation in Spike's voice.

"How do we know going there's gonna help?"

"The Deeper Well is almost like a prison for the dead. If something gets out it's written that it can be drawn back to the source."

"Then it's our only shot." Angel sighed.

"We'll keep working here but yes I think it is." Buffy watched as Fred stuck a comforting hand on Wesley's arm.

"Buffy are you coming?"

She turned towards Angel and thought about it for a moment. "No I'm going to stay here. Maybe go and sit with Laura."

"Well if nobody thinks it's too ridiculous I'm going to go pray."

"No it's not. Time is not on our side."

"Nobody's on our side."

"Let's go." Angel gestured to Spike.

"Can you give us a minute Angel?" She looked into his face and saw an empty acceptance. He nodded to her and left the room.

Everyone else had filed out in the meantime and now they stood looking at each other.

"You sure about stayin' luv?" God his eyes were just so blue.

"Yeah she's probably scared and she's alone. No one should have to deal with that on top of all this."

He stepped closer to her and wrapped her in his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder taking the comfort from his embrace that he offered.

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"Nothin' s gonna happen to me pet." He placed his fingers under her chin and tipped her head to look at him.

"I want to believe that." Her eyes searched his and she could see her concern mirrored there.

"Then believe it. We'll go be heroes and be back in no time." She melted into him as his lips slowly brushed hers.

"I love you." She put more feeling into those words then she felt was possible for a human being.

"I love you, Buffy always will." He took her hand in his and feathered a kiss on the back of it.

He took two steps back and looked deeply into her eyes. Slowly he dropped her hand and went out the door.

Buffy walked into the room quietly not wanting to disturb Laura. The sound of the machinery buzzing in the room seemed overly loud and she watched the silent rise and fall of her breathing. Putting a chair closer to the bed Buffy sat down.

"Hey." Laura's eyes opened slowly.

"Oh hi. I didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't really sleeping. Is something up?"

"No not really. Angel and Spike are trying to find some answers for you."

"Oh. What brings you by?"

Buffy shrugged at the other woman. "Thought you might like some company. This place looks like it could get pretty boring."

"It is believe me."

"How are you doing?"

"You mean other than the fact that everyone is walking on eggshells around me, I feel like total crap, and it's a strong possibility that I'm gonna die. Pretty good." The smile she gave Buffy didn't touch her eyes instead there was only fear and sadness there.

"Look Laura these are good people they aren't going to give up." What else could she tell her?

Laura sighed. "I know I can tell. And everyone has told me stories about what they've done. But I can't help but think that this morning I was just looking forward to watching a little TV tonight and now..." She gestured around the room.

She was at a loss there wasn't anything she could tell her that would help she knew. But the urge to stay with her and somehow be there for her when she was unable to do anything else kept Buffy in her seat.

"What stories have they told you?" Maybe if she could just distract her from everything else it would be enough.

"Just a little bit really. Some of the stuff the other people that work here have seen." Now Buffy couldn't help herself she was curious to know how the others saw these people.

"Okay like what?" Laura didn't look like she wanted to share. "C'mon you can tell me I promise it won't make it back to them." She had an evil thought. "Or if it's really embarrassing I promise that they won't know I found out from you."

That earned her a small smile and a slight nod.

"Okay but you didn't hear it from me."

*******

Buffy couldn't help herself she was laughing.

"I wish I had gotten here when that was going on. I wouldn't have let them live it down." She giggled again. "I'm so gonna use that against Spike. How could he get his ass kicked by a puppet? Let alone an Angel puppet."

Laura was smiling but Buffy could see her eyes fighting to stay open.

"Oh you're tired you should get some rest."

"No. I'm fine really." The loud yawn that followed left Buffy a little short of convinced. "Okay so I'm a little tired."

"Please. You need to get some sleep."

"It's whatever drugs they've got pumping into me. Don't worry about it." She shook her head like she was trying to clear it. "I don't want to go to sleep." Her voice shook a little and Buffy looked at her sharply.

"Why?"

"If I sleep I might miss something. It will be time I won't ever get back." A few tears slipped out of her brown eyes.

Impulsively Buffy grabbed her hand and clasped it tightly.

"I can't promise anything Laura, you know that, but I swear if there is any way we will find it."

Her eyes seemed to search Buffy's. "I've never been this scared before."

"I'm right here Laura I promise I'm not going anywhere and you won't be alone." She could see the shine of relief in her eyes as they started to drift closed.

********

She wasn't aware of how long she sat in the chair holding Laura's hand and watching her sleep. It must have been really late and she could feel the pull of sleep on all of her senses.

At least Laura was sleeping comfortably. Maybe it was a good thing that the doctors had insisted on the powerful painkiller cocktail in her IV push. She couldn't imagine the amount of pain one must feel as you cooked from the inside.

She was just letting her eyelids close when she heard someone’s footsteps enter the room. Raising a weary head she looked over to the doorway.

"Hey Wes." She kept her voice low not to disturb the sleeping patient.

"Buffy how is she?" Wesley's face looked drained.

"She's scared Wes. I don't blame her, I just I don't know what to do."

"Hopefully Angel and Spike will be able to stop this. In the meantime why don't you go and get some rest Buffy?"

"Like you have." She shook her head at him. "I promised her that I would stay."

She heard the scraping of the chair across the floor and Wesley sat next to her. He placed a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

"You've been here for hours Buffy at least get yourself something to eat."

"I don't want her to feel alone."

"I'll stay with her until you get back."

She opened her mouth again to protest but quickly closed it not having any sane reason to give him. Instead she sat a moment longer the humming machines a grating noise in the background.

"It's hard you know?" The sound of her voice surprised her. "I'm used to being the one who can charge in and save the day. I feel useless, helpless in a way. I hate that."

"You can't save everyone Buffy."

She let out a long sigh.

"But isn't that what I'm supposed to do? You know I've saved the world more times then I can count. But the thing is that's not what I remember. It's the ones I couldn't save. So many people have died that shouldn't have."

"That's always been the case I'm afraid. Death is always going to win in the end." She looked into his warm caring eyes.

"But that's not always true is it? Look at me I should be dead now and I'm not the only one. I mean Angel died and came back and I don't mean in the vampire sense. How is it fair that we're still here and someone like Laura has to go through this? What makes us so different?"

"I'm afraid I don't have the answers to that. I doubt anyone on this plane of existence does. But the fact remains that you are here and you're still doing your best with the situation that you've been presented."

"But it's not enough is it? She's still going to die." She squeezed Laura's hand a little tighter. "She told me that we're almost the same age just a few months off. And yet her life is just like I would have pictured mine if I weren’t the Slayer. She got to grow up and have normal relationships and finish college and find a job that she really liked. She was just really starting to live. And now it's all being ripped away."

"If there's a way they'll find it."

"Maybe, I'd like to believe that." She let out another sigh. "Maybe I'll just go and stretch my legs a little. Will you stay here?"

"Of course."

She placed Laura's hand into Wesley's and stood up stretching cramped muscles. Making her way around the back of her chair and around the back of his, she walked towards the door.

"Thank you."

He just gave her a slight nod.

********

She walked down the quiet hallway and passed the lab they had been in earlier in the day and she could see Fred hard at work trying to figure out the stupid piece of stone that started all of this mess. She continued down the hall passing another lab where she could see Gunn talking to that guy Knox.

Standing rooted to the spot she watched as Gunn picked up a metal cylinder and hit Knox over the head with it. He crumpled easily to the floor.

She burst through the door in time to see Gunn look around and raise the metal for a second blow. Grabbing his arm she pushed him back.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Goddamn bastard he's a part of this! He knew!" She looked and saw the truth written in his eyes.

"Get him out of here. Put him someplace where Wes can question him." She moved back towards the door. "I'll tell him to find you."

She went quickly back down the way she had come turning this bit of info in her mind. If Knox was somehow responsible it meant that Fred was the intended target after all. That her theory had been right.

Coming through the door she was horrified to see Laura thrashing in a convulsion on the bed as Wesley tried in vain to hold her down. She rushed to the side of the bed to help him. After a few minutes she stilled her hair plastered to her forehead from the sweat of her exertions.

Buffy was taken aback for a minute when she opened her eyes and looked at her.

"Buffy?" Her voice was low and weak.

She clasped her hand in hers again. "I'm here Laura."

"You didn't leave."

"I told you that you wouldn't be alone." Wesley was standing on the other side of the bed watching them carefully.

A slight smile passed her lips.

"You know I'd like to think under different circumstances that we could have been friends."

Buffy could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes. She placed her other hand on top of their joined ones.

"I think we already are." Tears were streaking down Laura's face now a slight nod her answer.

"I don't want to go." There was a catch in her words.

"Then don't Laura just keep fighting."

"Can you tell my family that I love them?"

Buffy could only nod mutely at her, the pain in her throat keeping her from speaking. She stared into the warm brown eyes in front of her.

A set of convulsions racks her body and Buffy grasped onto her hand a little tighter.

"Tell them..." Her voice trailed into a raspy whisper. "Tell them I tried to stay."

And with a shuddery sigh her last breath passed from her body.

Buffy felt the tears start to streak down her face and barely registered the long tone that came from the machinery behind her. She stared down into the blank face in front of her that only seconds before had been so full of life. Slowly she drew her hands back away from Laura's body.

She only looked up as she heard the click and sudden silence as Wesley turned the machines off. She met his eyes and was about to speak when Laura's body starts to convulse violently. In reaction the both of them automatically take a step away from the bed.

Her eyes snap open and are a startling blue, at the same time her body jerks once and then twice. Buffy watches as the woman she had known as Laura swung her legs from the bed and stood up. She stared as the new being looked down at its own body and a slight sadistic smile spread on her lips.

"This will do."

Wesley took a step towards the thing that now wore the body of a woman Buffy was considering a friend.

"Laura?" The question received no answer and the silence in the room choked the air around them.

"Illyria?" Buffy asked pushing the feelings of new grief down.

She studied the new creature carefully seeing Laura's features masked in a hard visage. There were streaks of blue in her hair and a slightly bluish tint to her complexion. But the feature that most startled her was the crystal blue eyes that hardened at her name where once warm brown ones had been present.

"My name. You think because I have come in the form of a human that you can speak to me?"

Buffy could feel the new power of this thing before her hum in the air around her. She knew that on her own she wasn't enough to take this being but she wouldn't cower either.

"Well I either call you by your name or make one up for you. I was trying not to be rude."

Illyria gave a glare at Wesley and turned her attention back to Buffy.

"I thought humans would have long died out by now. Instead you've grown insolent."

"Do you remember Laura?" Wesley took a step forward.

A hard glare was the only answer she seemed willing to give.

"So you don't know who she is?" He questioned again.

"Nor do I care. You waste my time. We are done."

Buffy strode forward so that she stood directly in front of the blue creature.

"I don't really think we are."

Illyria seemed to study her more carefully and Buffy could feel those cold eyes almost looking through her.

"You are different than this other one. Not as weak. But easily breakable all the same."

This was just pissing her off. She had fought a god before and won in the end. This one wasn't getting a scared little girl she was facing a full on Slayer who was tired of having her buttons pushed.

"You'll find that I'm not as easily breakable as you would think."

Without a word the thing reached back and back handed her in the face. She gasped as she reached the other corner of the room in a flash and connected hard with the wall. Unable to help herself she let out a small groan with the impact. That hadn't gone very well she realized as she pulled herself to her feet.

"I remember now Laura was the name of the shell."

"The name of the woman you killed." Wes replied matter of fact.

The words hit Buffy hard and she suddenly found herself blinking back-unbidden tears. Again she pushed the feeling aside knowing that there would be time later for it.

"This is grief. I am sensing human grief. It is disgusting."

"Well you better get used to it." Buffy spit out between clenched teeth.

Wesley drew the curtains back from the window and pointed out to the lit up Los Angelus sky line.

"Look humans rule the Earth." Buffy watched cautiously as Illyria moved towards the window. "They will last for millennia...like roaches crawling everywhere. Crying and sweating and puking their feelings all over you." Illyria turned her head away from the sight. "Go back. Sleep until the humans are gone. They are stupid and weak. They'll kill each other off and you can return to the world you deserve." He hissed the last word almost into her ear. "Leave this shell."

Her head turned back to him sharply and Buffy knew that he had gone just a little too far.

"You seek to save what is rotted through. This carcass is bound to me. I could not change that if I cared to, but you have opened my eyes to truth. If the world is truly overrun by humans..." She placed a hand on his chest and gave an effortless push on him towards the window. "Then I have work to do."

"Wes!" Buffy managed to shout as she watched his body bounce against the shatterproof glass and an "Ummph." of pain passed his lips.

Blocking the door she stood in front of Illyria ready to stop her only she never got the chance. With one grasp of her arm and a flick of her wrist she went flying over her head and into the emergency cart next to the head of the bed.

From her new position on the floor she watched as Illyria strode out the door.

Getting to her feet she glanced over at Wesley.

"Hey you ok?"

"Sure never better." The linoleum muffled his voice.

She gently reached out and pulled him to his feet. "You should alert security, not that they would be able to stop her or anything but maybe let them know she's loose in the building."

"Right. Where do you think she was going?"

"I don't know but after your little humans run the Earth speech I'm thinking it can't be good."

He turned back away from her. "I'm going to check on Fred."

Hearing her name smacked a memory for Buffy. "DAMN! Knox!" She grabbed Wes by the arm and pushed him towards the door.

"What?"

"I need to know where Gunn would take someone to talk to them."

********

With Wesley and Fred in tow she entered Gunn's office. Gunn and Harmony were already inside staring intently at the chair in front of them.

"You tied up Knox." Wesley was sure good at the observations today, Buffy rolled her eyes.

"We're gonna torture him." Buffy noticed a distinct sound of glee coming from the vampiress.

"Umm why?" Fred hesitantly asked like she was afraid of what the answer could be.

"He knows what's going on. Been hiding it the whole time. I just need a few minutes alone."

"He's involved in this?" He ground the words out.

Buffy could read the shock in Fred's eyes. She knew the other woman was bright enough to put two and two together. Just as much as she knew Wes had figured it out.

"Pretty sure."

Wes turned and faced Buffy a hard gleam to his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Yeah why didn't you?" The mockery in that voice made her want to slap him.

"I found out just before I went back into the room." She watched as the hardness in his eyes passed.

"I can handle this whatever he knows..."

"Doesn't matter anymore. Laura's gone."

Knox let out a little snort of a chuckle and all eyes turned on him.

"Sorry...It's not what you think. It's just so beautiful." He looked directly at Buffy. "Tell them. Tell them what happened."

When there was nothing but silence for a few moments Wesley answered for her.

"The infection, Illyria, consumed her. Took over her body."

"Then it's still Laura, right? This thing is just controlling-"

Buffy cut Gunn off. "She's gone."

"You don't know that."

"Wait I'm confused." Well how much didn't that surprise her. "It looks like Laura but it's not?"

"She's so much more than that now. Beyond flesh. Beyond perfection. I had chosen Fred because she had a warmth that took you in and held you until everything cold and distant melted away. She's the most beautiful, perfect woman I ever met. She was the only one I thought was worthy. But Laura she was a good second choice." Buffy could see the other woman trembling slightly and was glad that she had Wesley who without a word moved his arms around her while his eyes seethed hatred for the man in front of them.

Unfortunately Buffy's own blood had begun to boil and she grabbed Knox by the throat.

"Buffy don't. We need him." Gunn held a soft plea in his voice. "I know how you feel but-"

"Do you? I watched helplessly as she died. And she was in so much pain and scared and brave. And she was so much better than this. Now she's gone." She could feel the tears returning again and fought with them silently for a moment her grip neither tightening nor loosening.

"I know." Angel said from the doorway. Buffy met his eyes and then the warm blue ones of Spike. Her hand fell back to her side.

********

They were gathered back in Angel's office all of them with faces downcast more lines marking their faces then they would care to admit.

"So England was a bust huh?" Buffy decided that she liked Gunn he had that directness she had associated with Anya that at times could be quite refreshing. Especially when not discussing orgasms or money non-stop.

"Not entirely we found out where the sarcophagus came from. There were thousands of them." Angel looked unsettled about the fact.

"Minus one." His voice drifted past her ear from over her shoulder as she stood in the circle of his arms.

"What about the Drogyn character wouldn't he help?"

"Couldn't. We were too late." He let out a tiny sigh.

"I should have seen it. Knox. He sang for me and I should have seen it." Lorne had his head down and Buffy could feel the despondency from across the room.

"It's not your fault." She watched as Lorne raised his head and stared at Gunn.

"If I had concentrated harder, read him better Laura might-"

"Look there's a lot we might have done, all right? Starting with never coming to Wolfram & Hart in the first place. We can beat ourselves up over it later, but right now-"

"I'm sorry Angelcakes." Lorne walked out of the door.

"Lorne..." He called after him.

"No let him go. If he's doubtin’ himself he won't be any good to us."

"Lorne's right we should have seen this coming." Gunn said walking towards Angel's desk.

"It wouldn't have made a difference. Drogyn said the sarcophagus was preordained to be released. Nothing could have stopped it from arriving."

"That's not completely true. I played a round of piñata with lab boy while you were gone. The sarcophagus was stuck in customs and it should have stayed there but someone got it out."

"Who?" Fred questioned.

"I'm working on it."

"Good for you Charles not a moment to lose."

"Wes I know how you feel but you need to keep it in check. We all do for Laura's sake." Buffy could feel Angel's eyes boring into her.

"There is no Laura anymore."

"You don't know that." Gunn denied.

"We watched it gut her from the inside out. Everything she was is gone. There is nothing left but a shell." Wesley's eyes held hers for a moment before dropping away.

"Then we'll figure a way to fill it back up."

"The thing only took over her body. Just the tip of the theological."

"It's the soul that matters."

"Trust us. We're kind of experts."

"What about her- if her organs have been liquefied?"

"Buffy was buried for 147 days. She got better."

"You really think there's a chance of bringing her back?"

"Laura's soul is out there somewhere. We'll find it and put it back where it belongs." His voice took on a hard edge. "And then we'll make every son of a bitch that had a hand in this pay. We all on the same page?"

"Where do we start?"

"We need the big guns."

"Willow." Spike stated.

Buffy had been silent through the whole conversation listening but not really hearing. Words filtered in here and there but her thoughts were centered on the last moments Laura had been in that hospital room. The feeling of watching her life slip away almost like it was sand running through her fingers. She had noticed how quiet Fred was also and knew that she felt a tremendous amount of guilt. It was written all over her face.

Willow's name penetrated into her preoccupied mind and she quickly connected it to the ideas being passed around the office.

"No." Every head turned to look at her. She could feel the disbelief thrum through the room.

"What?" Angel asked his brow furrowed in confusion.

"No." She shook her head. "This stops now."

"Buffy if there's a chance-"

"No." She said the word more forceful this time.

"Pet?" The soft question from behind her made take a deep breath.

"Do you even know where her soul is? Do you think that just because this thing took control of her body and killed her that her soul is just out there floating freely?" She could feel Spike's arms tighten around her and she was sure that he understood. But the others were staring at her in confusion.

"I won't let you mess with things you don't understand. Something you don't have the right to do. That no one has the right to do."

"Buffy-"

"No Angel. She's gone we have to accept that. The price is just too high." She turned in Spike's arms resting her head on his shoulder. "We can't play god and change things with magic that we don't like."

"Normally I would agree Buffy but the circumstances-"

She lifted her head and looked at Wesley. "You forget that I am the only resurrected human in the room. I know what it's like to be brought back. And unless you can prove to me that she ended up in some hellish hell dimension then this discussion is over."

"You know we don't have any way of knowing-"

"Exactly Wes. If there is even the slightest chance that she isn't in one I won't allow you to do this."

"Buffy-"

"No she's right Peaches. Learned that lesson the hard way." His hand was stroking her back holding her even closer and she dropped her head back to his shoulder.

Everyone was silent for a moment not sure of what to say.

"We need to find her. Illyria, find her and keep her locked up somehow." Lifting her head again she looked back over to Angel.

"Well you two talked to her. Any idea where she was heading?"

"Well I don't know where she was going but I know where she's been." Buffy turned to see Harmony stride into the office her hand rubbing her bruising cheek. "Smack her a good one for me huh?"

Buffy stood in the doorway of the lab flanked by Angel and Spike, Wesley and Gunn just behind her surrounded by as many guards as they could find. They were armed with machine guns which truth be told made her extremely nervous.

"I'm ready to begin." She spoke with a flat tone and it sent shivers up Buffy's spine.

"Or we could just hang out." Angel replied as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Another warrior. I was beginning to wonder if you would be the only one." She replied as she looked at the Slayer.

"Plenty of us to go 'round luv."

"Two half breeds and a bunch of primitives. Is this all that challenges me now?" She sounded disgusted and disappointed.

"And don't forget one Chosen One. Plus a whole lot of bullets."

All the guns in the room aimed at her.

"Enough to incapacitate even you." Wesley added.

"We know what you are Illyria." Angel stated as he walked towards her. "We've seen the rest of your kind. All the old ones sealed away forever, like you were. Where you should have stayed. You've taken something of ours, something precious. Stand down and I promise we won't destroy you taking it back."

Illyria seemed to regard him coldly for a moment.

"I decline." The words had barely left her when her hands wrapped around the lapels of Angel's jacket and threw him toward the lab window. Unlike the one in the medical area it was not shatter proof.

There was a great crashing noise as his body broke through the glass barrier and began to hurtle to the cement below.

"Get her!" Gunn gestured wildly as he yelled to the security officers.

Spike, Buffy, Gunn and Wesley moved to close in on her when it seemed that she suddenly disappeared. One second she had been standing right in front of them and the next Buffy had thought she had seen a quick blur and poof no Illyria.

"Damn where the hell did she go?" She all but stomped her foot in aggravation.

After a quick search of the hallway they made their way to the lobby as the elevator let out a ding signaling its arrival. Buffy stared as the doors opened to display a rumpled and slightly bloody Angel.

"So how'd you do?"

"Not as bad as you but not good." She watched as Wesley gave him the once over with his eyes. "There's no trace of either of them."

"I put security on code Black. If she shows up again-"

Buffy looked over at Gunn. "She won't. She has what she needs."

"Knox?" Fred asked as she stepped into the lobby.

"And some spiffy new threads."

"Any idea how she got passed you?" The stare they got from Angel shone with disappointment.

"One second she was there and the next poof." Gunn gestured with his hands.

"You think she's a teleporter?"

"I don't think so. No characteristic displacement in the atmosphere around her." Wes replied thoughtfully.

"I fancied I saw a blur just before she went all Houdini." Spike moved closer to where she was standing.

"Yeah I saw that too."

"Like she was pulling a Barry Allen." Gunn looked at their blank faces. "Jay Garrik?" He let out an exasperated sigh. "Like she was going really fast."

Something seemed to strike Wesley knowledge suddenly shining in his eyes.

"Or we were going really slow."

"Great she's a god and she can alter time." Angel dropped his head.

"That would make sense." Fred seemed to tap her chin thoughtfully.

"In what way?" Everyone turned to face the small woman.

"I was running some tests from the other lab. There was like this giant spike in power readings and that must have been when she manipulated the time around you. But the whole time she was talking to you guys there were these weird power fluctuations."

"Weird how?" Buffy walked closer to her.

"Even when she was just standing there the power in the room was still really high but not steady. Like she was leaking power even when she wasn't using it."

"And you think this means?" Gunn asked.

"I think the body she's using isn't strong enough to hold the power that came to her. Even with the enhancements the virus gave the shell it was still only a human body. We just aren't built to hold power like that." She took a breath and looked at Buffy. "If my calculations are right her shell is going to start to break down. When that happens the power contained inside of her will cause an explosion of sorts."

"How big of an explosion?" Buffy was sure she didn't want to know. Leave it to Angel to ask.

"Something like the size of an atomic bomb." Buffy just gaped at her this was not getting any better.

When no one spoke for several minutes Buffy shook herself out of her shock.

"It still doesn't change the fact that we need to find her. Any ideas?"

"I've got a few contacts I can try." Gunn headed for the elevator.

"Wes, Fred maybe you should see if Knox left something. Recheck her sarcophagus see if there's something we missed before." The pair nodded at Angel and walked back up the stairs.

The three of them looked at each other and began to walk to Angel's office. Once inside Angel moved to sit behind his desk.

Buffy stared at the dark vampire for a moment watching as his famous brood face began to take hold.

"Drop it Angel." She said as she crossed to the front of his desk.

"What are you talking about Buffy?" His dark eyes leapt up to meet hers.

"You. Whatever it is that you're thinking go ahead and drop it. This doesn't change anything it just makes it a little more complicated. There's still an apocalypse we have to avert."

"And how do you know that this isn't part of it?" His tone was challenging.

"I just do. Look there isn't anything I would like better then to sit back and take stock after this whole mess but we don't have the time. We need to find Illyria and we need to get the hell out of here."

"Why Miss Summers you've just got here. I'm sure there's something we can do for you." Three heads turned at once towards the sound of the new voice.

In the doorway of the office stood a man about six feet tall with dark hair. He was dressed in gray suit and held himself with an air of authority.

"Why do I even bother having security?" Buffy heard Angel mutter.

Buffy took a step closer to the stranger.

"Nice suit. And you are?" Her arms crossed over her chest.

"Pardon the interruption. Marcus Hamilton I'm the new liaison to the Senior Partners." He stuck his hand out. No one bothered to take it. Recovering quickly he dropped the hand and moved closer to the desk.

Buffy's gaze flickered back and forth between Angel and this Hamilton guy.

"You're replacing Eve?"

The man nodded back at Angel.

"Became official this morning. I'm looking forward to working with all of you." Buffy could feel Spike bristle behind her.

"You weren't really thinking of leaving were you?"

There was something about this guy that immediately set her teeth on edge. For some reason she knew instinctively that lying to him was the only way to go.

"Well I really am tired I was hoping to go and get some sleep." She said it with her best flirty blonde voice and managed to bat her eyelashes at him. She kept herself from visibly relaxing as she saw the grin that came across his lips.

"Of course it really has been a long couple of days hasn't it?" Out of the corner of her eye she watched Spike's reaction and cringed inwardly at the stiff way he was holding himself. She would just have to explain later. "I was hoping that you would actually like to join our team Miss Summers. Spike here has already pretty much become a member in his own right."

She took the chance to look into Spike's eyes hoping that he would understand the role she was playing.

"Well Mr. Hamilton, please call me Buffy and really I hadn't thought that far ahead just yet."

"Of course Buffy but only if you'll call me Marcus." He gave her an appraising glance and she had to fight the shudder of revulsion she was feeling from showing. "Now I understand."

"What's that?" She was not looking forward to the answer.

"How you got one vampire to lose his soul and another to get one. A beautiful goddess such as yourself could get man or beast to do just about anything." God the guy was sleazy.

The low growl from Spike indicated what he thought of the conversation. She threw him a quick glance and then looked at Angel. If anything the taller man looked like he was going to be sick. Buffy didn't blame him.

"Um thank you." She mumbled.

"Well I'll just be going then I wanted to make sure we got acquainted a little. I look forward to working with all of you I just have so many ideas." He was turning to leave and she let a small sigh of relief.

"I don't need your ideas. This is my office." He was really way too territorial for his own good.

"We'll talk more later." He turned back around to face the occupants of the room again. His eyes roved over her again. "It was a pleasure to meet you Buffy." And he went out the door.

Once it clicked softly behind him Buffy shook her head.

"Sleaze." She breathed the word shaking her head in disbelief. Looking back into Spike's eyes she could see the hard edge to them. He was not happy.

"What?" She asked him knowing that he might not be wanting to talk about this in front of Angel, but she didn't care the sooner they dealt with this the better. It wasn't her fault that he was so insecure about them. Well that wasn't true it was her fault but he needed to understand that no matter what happened he was the only one in her life.

"That was disgusting." She waited tapping her foot silently. "Could you have fawned over him a little bit more?"

"Please like I enjoyed that. Besides what would you have liked for me to do? Tell him hell yes we were getting the hell out of here? Like they weren't going to do something to stop us."

"Looked like you were enjoying it a little bit too much." He grumbled.

"Is that what you really think?"

"He has a point I thought you were having a good time." She gave Angel a glare.

"And you would know a good time how? I was just trying to distract him."

"Why didn't you just flash him? He would have been distracted then and I might not feel as nauseous as I do now." These two men were going to be the death of her.

"Knock it off already." She walked in front of him. "It was an act. You know it."

"Do I?" His voice had dropped and she could hear the note of doubt in it.

"What do I have to do?" She placed a hand on his chest over the place where his heart had once beaten. "I'm yours, all of me." Her hand moved from his chest to his cheek. Green eyes searched blue as she tried to find her answer. "Tell me how to prove it to you and I will."

She watched a look of complete sadness filter through those expressive orbs she loved so much.

"I don't know Buffy." He said it with such resignation that she felt her heart break a little.

She dropped her hand from his face and paced away from him. Turning she happened to look over at the desk and noticed that Angel was gone. She hadn't even heard him leave the room.

"Spike." He looked up at her. "Do you trust me?"

He gave her a strange look. "Course."

"Then listen. I love you. I've never felt this way with anyone else. Everything I am belongs to you. Every breath, every heart beat and every thought that runs through my head. All of it is yours. Without you there is no me." She took the last step that placed her in front of him again. Taking his hand she placed it over her own beating heart.

"Besides do you really think I would be interested in that slime ball with an expensive suit? I mean yeah he's got good taste in clothes but hello he works directly for the senior partners and did you hear that line? Beautiful goddess." She snorted. "Like that's so original."

The confusion was slowly seeping from his eyes and she knew that her words had reached him if only just a little. But words were overrated and she was more comfortable being action girl.

Tilting her head up she brushed her lips tenderly against his. Pulling away she gave him a slight smile.

"Are we better now?"

"Don't know pet. Maybe if we try that again." He wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her closer to him. She met his lips in more tangible kiss their lips tasting and sucking against one another. Buffy let out a sigh at the feelings of love that came through just the meeting of their lips. She couldn't imagine herself more contented then she was at this moment.

The sound of someone's throat clearing began to intrude and reluctantly she pulled back from his embrace.

Looking at the door she took in the image of Fred shifting from one foot to the other.

"I'm sorry but have you seen Angel?"

"I think he went upstairs. Something wrong pet?" Buffy gave a funny look to Spike surprised to hear the endearment used on someone else. He'd really gotten close to these people and she was glad that they had accepted him so readily. The thought of the way she and her freinds had treated him over the years gave her a fresh pang of guilt.

"No I ah I just wanted to talk to him." Buffy stared at her intently trying to figure out what could be making her so unnerved.

"I could just pop up there see what the poof is doin' if you want." He had already stepped away from Buffy apparently not needing her to ask.

"You don't have to it can wait."

" 'S not problem pet. Be back right soon." He turned and was to the private elevator before either woman had a chance to say anything.

As soon as the doors closed behind him she turned to face the brunette.

"Fred are you okay?" As far as questions went Buffy knew it was really lame but she was unable to come up with a better one.

She seemed to give Buffy a serious look before thinking deeply about how to answer the question.

"I think so. Not great but..." She shrugged.

"But something else is bothering you." Buffy didn't think she really needed to point that out but she was hoping it would help get Fred to open up a bit.

"No I'm fine really. Very much with the fineness." She nodded as if she was agreeing with herself. "But there is a small thing."

Buffy waited sure that Fred would tell her if she was ready.

"I'm a little worried about Wesley."

"In what way?"

"I don't know just a feeling really. Something about the way he's reacting to everything that's happened with Laura."

Buffy knew exactly when his demeanor had changed. "You mean since he found out that Knox wanted you to be the host for this thing."

A slight nod was her answer.

"Fred how long have you and Wes been together?"

Fred looked at her with surprise.

"We, together, I mean, we've only just had our first kiss."

Buffy smiled at the woman. "And you've been working together for how long? He's in love with you Fred anyone can see it."

"What?" The stunned expression on her face made Buffy's own smile grow.

"Take it from someone who knows. He's probably been in love with you for like ever. And from the way you've been around him I'd guess that you love him too."

A coy smile graced her lips.

"Promise you won't say anything?" Buffy couldn't help herself she let out a little giggle as she nodded her head. "I just figured it out like a couple of days ago. That was why I kissed him."

"You made the first move. Wow."

This time Fred blushed and giggled in return.

"I know." Her face fell though. "I just worry about him though. And the way he just kind of tore out of here well it makes me wonder what he was thinking."

"Where did he go Fred?"

"We found Knox's cell phone and this one number popped up. Wes went to go check it out."

"If you want I can go and see what's up."

"Would you? I mean I know he can take care of himself but..."

"Not a prob. Just give me the address."

Buffy stood just outside of the door the sound of voices not quite raised drifted through the air. She paused a moment becoming perfectly still as she began to make out words.

"I didn't think anyone would get hurt." Through the little window in the door Buffy watched Gunn's hunched body language.

"Nothing from Wolfram & Hart is ever free. You knew that." She watched as Wesley stepped into view.

"I couldn’t go back to being just the muscle. I, I didn’t think it would be one of us. I didn’t think they would try with Fred." The man was crying Buffy could hear the tears in his voice.

Wes walked closer to Gunn and Buffy felt her throat tighten at the obvious intent showing itself in his manner.

"I understand not wanting to go back not wanting to be who we were. I understand it. And I can forgive it." She watched him look at the instruments on the table near them. "But you knew what was happening. You knew who was responsible and you didn't say anything. You let her die. I'm less forgiving about that." Buffy strode through the door her hand reaching for his arm as the last words were spoken, stilling the scalpel in his hand. He looked at her face his eyes dark and clouded. She shook her head at him.

"Stop Wes and think. Is this really what Laura would have wanted? For you to hurt your friend."

"It doesn't matter what she would have wanted. She's dead." The coldness in his voice was like ice water running over her skin.

"Then do you think Fred would want this? She's still here Wes. Think of her." His eyes lowered.

She could feel the intensity of Gunn's eyes on her and she looked at the man tears still streaking his face.

"Go home Gunn." He seemed unable or unwilling to move. "Go. I need him right now and he's not going to be able to do anything if he's concentrating on what you did. Let alone what the others are going to do."

He hung his head a slight nod barely perceptible in his hunched position. He walked past her and out the door.

********

"What the hell were you thinking?" Buffy winced at the yelling coming from a normally quiet vampire. She was only used to the yelling from Spike.

"I wasn't alright. I did what I had to do."

"I don't remember seeing attack Gunn on the agenda this morning. What if Buffy hadn't shown up when she did?" She didn't remember him ever being this physically upset.

"She did and nothing happened." Wes bit back defiantly.

"Is that supposed to make it okay?"

"No. It's not going to be okay. Laura's soul..." He paused the pained expression on his face causing him to age in front of her. "Her soul was destroyed resurrecting Illyria."

Angel backed away from Wesley then his anger dissipating into the air.

"Are you sure?" Wes gave him a curt nod. "What about Gunn?"

"He let the sarcophagus into Wolfram & Hart. What he knew, when he knew it, it doesn't change what happened. He let her die."

"So did I." When Wes looked up at Angel he continued. "At the well in England, there was a way to save her but only if thousands of others died in her place. I couldn't let that happen. I need you to focus Wes. I need you to put this aside and do what needs to be done."

He gave a deep sigh. "Illyria."

"We need to stop her before-"

"She makes a lot more available parking space in downtown?" Spike asked coming in the door.

"What did you get?" Buffy asked.

"A name. Vahla ha'nesh."

********

She was once again sitting in Angel's office wondering if she would ever be able to get some sleep. She was running on fumes and knew they were a long way from being done. The thought of a potential big battle with a god of all things was not helping her at all. She just hoped the others were doing better then she was.

Watching as Wesley opened a book and rested it on the desk she finally made herself get up and take a look. Staring blankly at the pages she could make out a building of sorts in the drawing.

"It's her temple where she was supposed to be resurrected."

Angel pointed at the crude drawing of some kind of demony thing.

"That's Illyria?"

"In its native form."

"What are all the smaller bits?" Spike asked.

"Her army of doom." Wes deadpanned.

"Why can't it ever be an army of bunnies or kittens? Always with the doom."

The others ignored her.

"They were entombed with her."

Wes nodded to Angel. "Waiting for her return."

"To Los Angeles?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

"This is where her temple was millions of years ago. And it's still here."

"You'd think I would remember seeing something like that next to the Ralph's."

"It's out of phase with our time stream. She's the only one who can open the gateway."

"Any idea how we stop her?"

"Well I did find this." Fred handed a polished gem to Angel. "It came from the sarcophagus."

"May I?" Wes asked Angel and he handed it to him. Turning the stone in his hand Wes nodded slowly. "That might work." He handed the stone back to the vamp.

"We ready to go then?" Spike asked as he rocked forward on the balls of his feet.

Angel walked over to the weapons cabinet on the wall. Opening the door he grabbed a sword and tossed it over to Spike. He grabbed a second one for himself.

Curious as to what he had stashed in there Buffy walked to him and peered inside. Her eyes passed over the collection lighting in appreciation on the spectacular assortment. Searching from right to left she glanced at the remaining sword and a couple of battle axes moving to the corner she spotted a crossbow and a very sharp looking katana. Underneath those she saw something smallish wrapped in a burgundy cloth. She couldn't help herself and reached out to draw back the corner of the material.

She gasped as it fell away exposing the silver blade. It shone in the low light of the office fluorescents glinting on a blade broken by ebony scrollwork. Inset in the handle were three small red stones that were surrounded by silver coils wrapping around each in a design that reminded her of a Celtic knot.

Tearing her eyes away from a dagger that before now had only existed in her sleeping mind she looked imploringly at Wes.

He moved to stand just behind her shoulder bringing the weapon into his field of vision. His eyes darted from the dagger to Buffy and then back again. Slowly reaching a hand out his fingers gently brushed the handle before pulling it out of the cabinet.

She could feel the tightening in her chest as the reality of the moment finally hit home. The thing was real. The dagger she had held and wielded so ineffectually in her dream over and over again was real. And she knew that if the dagger was actually real something tangible in this realm then the images she saw and so desperately wished away could possibly be real. It wasn't like the thought hadn't occurred to her before, not when she had had as many prophetic dreams as she had, but it was easier to tell herself that it was harmless that it was only a dream when there was no proof of its existence.

Now she could only watch helplessly as Wesley walked over and gently laid it in the center of Angel's desk. He murmured a few words to the book he had left sitting on the desk and opened it.

The room was silent and she could feel everyone’s eyes moving back and forth between Wesley's quiet perusal of information and the expression on her face that she could not seem to control. To her it seemed like eons had passed when only a few seconds had ticked by. When he lifted his eyes from the book to look at her she knew.

"Tell me it's not the one." The words were a whispered wish the last vestige of hope she had left.

Either Wes hadn't heard her or he didn't know how to answer her because the words were never spoken.

Angel eyes darted from Buffy to Wes then to the dagger, his brow furrowed in thought. He brought his eyes back up to center on Wesley.

"The one what?"

His eyes seemed to settle on only her not knowing how much he should say in front of the others.

"Buffy asked me to research this particular dagger."

"Why?" He turned to face her.

She sighed deeply. "I had a Slayer dream and the dagger was in it. Seemed like it was important so I asked Wes if he could get all watchery and do a little research."

Angel's arms folded over his chest. "And what exactly happens in this dream?"

"As much as I would love to continue this discussion don't you think it would be better if we took care of the Illyria situation first?" She really didn't want to talk about it right now.

The glare from Angel suggested to her that he was not okay with that at all.

"Fine. I promise I'll tell you all about it when we get back okay. I really just want to go and stop her before she takes out all of Los Angeles."

He gave her another hard look and she turned away to glance at Wesley who gave her a small understanding smile. He could appreciate the fact that she was uncomfortable about all of this. Only he didn't know the real reason.

The time it took for Angel to turn that phrase around in his mind seemed an eternity to her as she tried to keep the emotions running through her system in check. This was no time for her to have a breakdown it just wouldn't do.

"I-"

"She said she'd explain later Peaches." His low growl of words seemed to take Angel aback for a second. Buffy recognized the sound for what it was. A warning, one demon to another, to back the hell off.

The dark vamps looked from her to Spike and then back to her. A look of defeat seemed to pass through his dark eyes.

"Alright but I want a full explanation of what this is all about the second Illyria isn't a threat. Clear?"

His tone made her bristle and she fought to control it. She was already wound tight enough as it was he didn't need to be helping. Burying the anger she felt rising she refused to answer him.

"Let's go." She addressed the others in the room.

Buffy stood just outside of the door the sound of voices not quite raised drifted through the air. She paused a moment becoming perfectly still as she began to make out words.

"I didn't think anyone would get hurt." Through the little window in the door Buffy watched Gunn's hunched body language.

"Nothing from Wolfram & Hart is ever free. You knew that." She watched as Wesley stepped into view.

"I couldn’t go back to being just the muscle. I, I didn’t think it would be one of us. I didn’t think they would try with Fred." The man was crying Buffy could hear the tears in his voice.

Wes walked closer to Gunn and Buffy felt her throat tighten at the obvious intent showing itself in his manner.

"I understand not wanting to go back not wanting to be who we were. I understand it. And I can forgive it." She watched him look at the instruments on the table near them. "But you knew what was happening. You knew who was responsible and you didn't say anything. You let her die. I'm less forgiving about that." Buffy strode through the door her hand reaching for his arm as the last words were spoken, stilling the scalpel in his hand. He looked at her face his eyes dark and clouded. She shook her head at him.

"Stop Wes and think. Is this really what Laura would have wanted? For you to hurt your friend."

"It doesn't matter what she would have wanted. She's dead." The coldness in his voice was like ice water running over her skin.

"Then do you think Fred would want this? She's still here Wes. Think of her." His eyes lowered.

She could feel the intensity of Gunn's eyes on her and she looked at the man tears still streaking his face.

"Go home Gunn." He seemed unable or unwilling to move. "Go. I need him right now and he's not going to be able to do anything if he's concentrating on what you did. Let alone what the others are going to do."

He hung his head a slight nod barely perceptible in his hunched position. He walked past her and out the door.

********

"What the hell were you thinking?" Buffy winced at the yelling coming from a normally quiet vampire. She was only used to the yelling from Spike.

"I wasn't alright. I did what I had to do."

"I don't remember seeing attack Gunn on the agenda this morning. What if Buffy hadn't shown up when she did?" She didn't remember him ever being this physically upset.

"She did and nothing happened." Wes bit back defiantly.

"Is that supposed to make it okay?"

"No. It's not going to be okay. Laura's soul..." He paused the pained expression on his face causing him to age in front of her. "Her soul was destroyed resurrecting Illyria."

Angel backed away from Wesley then his anger dissipating into the air.

"Are you sure?" Wes gave him a curt nod. "What about Gunn?"

"He let the sarcophagus into Wolfram & Hart. What he knew, when he knew it, it doesn't change what happened. He let her die."

"So did I." When Wes looked up at Angel he continued. "At the well in England, there was a way to save her but only if thousands of others died in her place. I couldn't let that happen. I need you to focus Wes. I need you to put this aside and do what needs to be done."

He gave a deep sigh. "Illyria."

"We need to stop her before-"

"She makes a lot more available parking space in downtown?" Spike asked coming in the door.

"What did you get?" Buffy asked.

"A name. Vahla ha'nesh."

********

She was once again sitting in Angel's office wondering if she would ever be able to get some sleep. She was running on fumes and knew they were a long way from being done. The thought of a potential big battle with a god of all things was not helping her at all. She just hoped the others were doing better then she was.

Watching as Wesley opened a book and rested it on the desk she finally made herself get up and take a look. Staring blankly at the pages she could make out a building of sorts in the drawing.

"It's her temple where she was supposed to be resurrected."

Angel pointed at the crude drawing of some kind of demony thing.

"That's Illyria?"

"In its native form."

"What are all the smaller bits?" Spike asked.

"Her army of doom." Wes deadpanned.

"Why can't it ever be an army of bunnies or kittens? Always with the doom."

The others ignored her.

"They were entombed with her."

Wes nodded to Angel. "Waiting for her return."

"To Los Angeles?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

"This is where her temple was millions of years ago. And it's still here."

"You'd think I would remember seeing something like that next to the Ralph's."

"It's out of phase with our time stream. She's the only one who can open the gateway."

"Any idea how we stop her?"

"Well I did find this." Fred handed a polished gem to Angel. "It came from the sarcophagus."

"May I?" Wes asked Angel and he handed it to him. Turning the stone in his hand Wes nodded slowly. "That might work." He handed the stone back to the vamp.

"We ready to go then?" Spike asked as he rocked forward on the balls of his feet.

Angel walked over to the weapons cabinet on the wall. Opening the door he grabbed a sword and tossed it over to Spike. He grabbed a second one for himself.

Curious as to what he had stashed in there Buffy walked to him and peered inside. Her eyes passed over the collection lighting in appreciation on the spectacular assortment. Searching from right to left she glanced at the remaining sword and a couple of battle axes moving to the corner she spotted a crossbow and a very sharp looking katana. Underneath those she saw something smallish wrapped in a burgundy cloth. She couldn't help herself and reached out to draw back the corner of the material.

She gasped as it fell away exposing the silver blade. It shone in the low light of the office fluorescents glinting on a blade broken by ebony scrollwork. Inset in the handle were three small red stones that were surrounded by silver coils wrapping around each in a design that reminded her of a Celtic knot.

Tearing her eyes away from a dagger that before now had only existed in her sleeping mind she looked imploringly at Wes.

He moved to stand just behind her shoulder bringing the weapon into his field of vision. His eyes darted from the dagger to Buffy and then back again. Slowly reaching a hand out his fingers gently brushed the handle before pulling it out of the cabinet.

She could feel the tightening in her chest as the reality of the moment finally hit home. The thing was real. The dagger she had held and wielded so ineffectually in her dream over and over again was real. And she knew that if the dagger was actually real something tangible in this realm then the images she saw and so desperately wished away could possibly be real. It wasn't like the thought hadn't occurred to her before, not when she had had as many prophetic dreams as she had, but it was easier to tell herself that it was harmless that it was only a dream when there was no proof of its existence.

Now she could only watch helplessly as Wesley walked over and gently laid it in the center of Angel's desk. He murmured a few words to the book he had left sitting on the desk and opened it.

The room was silent and she could feel everyone’s eyes moving back and forth between Wesley's quiet perusal of information and the expression on her face that she could not seem to control. To her it seemed like eons had passed when only a few seconds had ticked by. When he lifted his eyes from the book to look at her she knew.

"Tell me it's not the one." The words were a whispered wish the last vestige of hope she had left.

Either Wes hadn't heard her or he didn't know how to answer her because the words were never spoken.

Angel eyes darted from Buffy to Wes then to the dagger, his brow furrowed in thought. He brought his eyes back up to center on Wesley.

"The one what?"

His eyes seemed to settle on only her not knowing how much he should say in front of the others.

"Buffy asked me to research this particular dagger."

"Why?" He turned to face her.

She sighed deeply. "I had a Slayer dream and the dagger was in it. Seemed like it was important so I asked Wes if he could get all watchery and do a little research."

Angel's arms folded over his chest. "And what exactly happens in this dream?"

"As much as I would love to continue this discussion don't you think it would be better if we took care of the Illyria situation first?" She really didn't want to talk about it right now.

The glare from Angel suggested to her that he was not okay with that at all.

"Fine. I promise I'll tell you all about it when we get back okay. I really just want to go and stop her before she takes out all of Los Angeles."

He gave her another hard look and she turned away to glance at Wesley who gave her a small understanding smile. He could appreciate the fact that she was uncomfortable about all of this. Only he didn't know the real reason.

The time it took for Angel to turn that phrase around in his mind seemed an eternity to her as she tried to keep the emotions running through her system in check. This was no time for her to have a breakdown it just wouldn't do.

"I-"

"She said she'd explain later Peaches." His low growl of words seemed to take Angel aback for a second. Buffy recognized the sound for what it was. A warning, one demon to another, to back the hell off.

The dark vamp looked from her to Spike and then back to her. A look of defeat seemed to pass through his dark eyes.

"Alright but I want a full explanation of what this is all about the second Illyria isn't a threat. Clear?"

His tone made her bristle and she fought to control it. She was already wound tight enough as it was he didn't need to be helping. Burying the anger she felt rising she refused to answer him.

"Let's go." She addressed the others in the room.

********

Standing silent outside of a bank Buffy carefully pushed all other thoughts from her mind. They were here to do one thing and that was to stop a demented god king from raising an army and destroying the world. Or from exploding whichever order they happened in.

Spike's hand accidentally brushed against hers and she instinctively grabbed it. Holding it tightly she stole a glance at him her heart lifting a little to see the small smile and tenderness in his eyes.

Her attention returned to the task at hand as Angel opened the door and stepped inside. She quickly followed with Spike's hand still in hers. Wesley followed in behind them letting the door slip shut behind them with an almost imperceptible swish.

They stood watching the two figures before them waiting.

"Showtime." Knox exclaimed as he straightened up.

"Got any good seats left?"

Knox looked them over and shook his head. "Guys you should scan the headlines here. You can't win this."

"Then we all die trying." Wes replied flatly.

She felt Ilyria's cold blue eyes travel over them trying to assess the mixed group.

"Why?"

"You want the short version? Let's start with you walking around looking like the woman you murdered."

Her glare turned solely on Angel.

"You think your actions will restore her?"

"No." Buffy answered as she took a step forward.

"Yet you seek a confrontation you cannot win."

"What you're trying to do, raise your army reclaim your world innocent people would die. Like Laura. We can't let that happen."

"You are the protector of these people?" Illyria sounded incredulous.

"Yes." Angel and Buffy answered together.

Buffy gave him a slight look and took another step towards the god.

Illyria's eyes raked over Knox coldly.

"Even this one?"

He took a nervous step backward.

No one seemed to speak for a long minute. Each trying to process the thought of how much this one dirt piss poor excuse of a human being had cost them in such a short amount of time.

"Yeah even someone as pathetic as he is. It's what we do." Buffy shrugged in his direction and gave a glare to the demon god.

"You are the lowest of the low, Knox but Buffy's right cause when it comes down to it your still a part of humanity. Even if it is the part we'd all like to see buried about six feet under ground." Angel walked forward until he was right next to Illyria.

The group was so focused on the danger of the entity before them that they ignored the presence of the human man. But he didn't lose track of them or what they had said about him. Reaching into his coat pocket he pulled the small gun he had stashed there out.

Buffy had heard the slight metallic click that came from the direction of the lab rat and turned to see the gun raise in her direction. She could almost groan knowing that in the company she was in only two in her party were actuall vulnerable to the weapon now raised. Unfortuanately she was one of them and she had nothing on her that would even come close to stopping a bullet.

She flinched as the report of the gun bounced along the walls of the bank making the sound stretch on longer. Taking a deep breath she could feel no pain and let her eyes focus on the last spot that the man had stood.

He was laying in a growing pool of blood his eyes staring sightlessly at the ceiling.

Buffy turned her head and looked behind her to see Wes standing with his gun now dropped to his side. His eyes moved from the new corpse to her.

"You've destroyed my Qwa'ha Xahn!" Illyria accused angrily.

"He more then had it coming." Spike bit out of clenched teeth.

"It offends me that you think he matters." Her voice was cool once again.

"You're right he's not the problem you are."

Buffy watched as Angel swiped at her with his sword missing her completely. As if that was their cue all of them moved in on her.

She couldn't keep track of all of the movements in the fight it was happening so quickly. Buffy only concentrated on trying to get closer to rain her own blows and yet keep out of the way of the others. She managed to get in one good solid punch which didn't seem to faze the thing before she was thrown into a nearby wall. Pushing to her feet she again went lunging for the god as she stripped Angel of his sword.

"Unimpressive." The dismissive tone made her hackles rise. She would be sure to show her something impressive.

The thought had no sooner flitted across her brain when Illyria and Angel seemed to disappear from view. Damn that time thing was a bitch. She gathered herself waiting for the moment when the effect would wear off. Across from where she was she could see Spike do the same. Behind her she could hear the slight groan from Wesley as he stumbled to his feet.

Not more then a few seconds past when they were again in front of them. The others began to move towards the now running Illyria trying to gain ground on her. But Buffy had been standing directly infront of her path and she had to pass by her. She pounced on the former god king as she dove for the portal that opened.

The blow knocked them both through the entry and they tumbled into her temple each one rolling smoothly to their feet. Sparing a quick glance behind her Buffy saw that the portal was now closed and they were alone.

"You are too late my army will rise-" Her words had trailed off and Buffy looked around noticing that the once proud temple was in a state of neglect and disrepair. The once proud statue of the demon god was now toppled and no army waited to bow at her feet.

"This, this is not possible."

"And yet..." Buffy shrugged.

"My world it is gone." Illyria sank to her knees.

Things were looking up in Buffy's opinion at least there was no army of doom for her to fight. The only thing left was the fact that the womanly shaped body in front of her had the chance of exploding and taking out a good portion of the Los Angeles area with her. Concentrating she thought about how Illyria had manipulated time in the past and thought of something.

"But there are other worlds out there." She said it quietly the idea still forming in her minds eye.

Standing quickly Illyria faced Buffy and cocked her head in contemplation.

"I'm sure someone as powerful as yourself isn't limited to just this world or time."

"You are suggesting something?" There was no hostility with the words just a curious lilt.

"This time, this world, it's moved past you but I'm sure there are other places, other times, where you could go and be worshipped the way you would deserve." Yeah she knew she was laying it on pretty thick but what could it hurt?

"I have traveled more words than your small little mind could even fathom. Time grew still in my grasp and I traveled the dimensions as they trembled before me."

"Right." She shook her head. "So like I was saying. Why stay here? You could go anywhere. Rule as you were meant to."

"This is the world I am meant to rule. It will once again lay at my feet."

Buffy had to stop and think she needed to convince her but she didn't want to end up as something she cleaned off the bottom of her shoes.

"Illyria have you noticed anything different about your shell?"

Her glance down at her own body was almost comical and as tired as Buffy was she had to bite back a small tickle of exhausted laughter.

"It still serves me." This was a little more difficult then she thought.

"Look hard truths kay? Your in a human body. It isn't strong enough to contain all the power you have. You already know that. So why don't we just make this a little easier on all of us and you just hop into a little portal and take over which ever dimension you perfer." She took a step forward. "There's a chance that this way you get to stay all existy like."

"If need be I will take you all with me."

"I don't think you understand. If you stay we will do everything we can to make sure that doesn't happen."

"You believe that you could possibly stop me?"

Buffy shrugged. "Eventually we will find a way. It's what we do. It's what I do." She moved even closer to her. "This way we all get what we want."

Illyria was staring at her intently and it was giving her a case of the wiggins. She had hoped that the simple explanation would make the god see that there really was no choice in the matter. Time seemed to stretch out between the two of them and she was sure that Illyria was doing her little time control trick.

"I shall go but only because it pleases me to do so."

Buffy let out a breath she had no idea that she had been holding. Relief began to flood through her and she felt herself almost giddy of the prospect of this ending without having to beat the crap out of the thing. Or having the crap beaten out of her.

"Yeah." She wasn't sure she could say anything else without pissing her off.

The shimmer of light caught her eye as another portal seemed to open in front of them. Illyria took a couple of steps forward and then took another look at Buffy.

"The battle you are about to wage. You will not live past it."

Turning forward once again she stepped through and the portal closed behind her.

She just stared at the now empty spot for a second before turning her head and seeing the new portal where she had originally entered this place. Calmly she walked through it.

********

They had met back at the office a tense bout of silence flowing in between all of them. She had tried very hard in the car on the way back to convince Angel to let her get some sleep before the great reveal on her dream. But he had remained his own stubborn pain in the ass self and refused to let her off the hook. No matter how many times she had argued or how many growls Spike threw his way.

So they were now gathered in Wesley's office the dagger now sitting on his desk. Wes was sitting behind his desk the book from earlier open in front of him.

Fred was hovering near his shoulder unsure of where to stand. Her unease could have had something to do with what she had been told about Wes's actions while he had been gone. It was a lot to take in about a man you believed to be totally stable and loved.

Spike was sitting in an armchair just as she was facing the desk and Angel stood just off to the side of it his arms crossed over his chest a slight scowl on his face.

No one had said anything in so long that Buffy had begun to think they were waiting for something.

Her mind started to wander and she wondered briefly just how much she should tell them about the dream. Sure the room where they gained access to the caverns was important and the fact that she was with both Angel and Spike was something she could tell them. Describing the demon was a given of course and she knew that explaining the fact that she was trying to use the dagger would feature also. But to tell them about the end of the dream. No. They really didn't need to know that. Her own reactions to it were still to painful and raw. Having to listen to them and their reaction, well she didn't think she could handle that. Besides it wasn't like everything that happened in her dreams came true. Most of the time.

Her eyes focused on the group noticing for the first time that they were all watching her expectantly. That's right she was the one who was supposed to be doing the talking.

She mentally shook herself out of it.

"Ok big dream thing. So the three of us Spike Angel and I start out in this white room with a bunch of long lights set in the walls that has this big round raised part in the center that kind of looks like it's filled with water but I know it's not. There's a set of metal stairs and on top of that there's this control panel thingy. And as I watch Angel places a crystal into it and it starts to open." She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "When it opens-"

"Wait. This thing in the center does it kind of look like a big aquarium?" Angel interrupted a thoughtful look on his face.

"Yeah kind of I guess. But it really isn't filled with water it's kind of like an effect." She looked him over carefully. "Why?"

"I've seen it." Everyone turned to look at him questions written all over their faces. "When Lindsey was here the last place we fought was that room he was trying to get the tank open. Cordelia stopped it."

Buffy took a nervous breath trying to keep her heart rate under control. No need to get both vamps upset about her being, well, upset. The room though was real, great another thing that the dream was right about. This wasn't getting in the better column.

She cleared her throat gently. "When it opens we step down into it and we're suddenly in this giant cavern."

"What did it look like?" Wes asked.

"There wasn't really anything to look at. It was just like this big hole in the earth." Wes nodded at her. "The dream jumps a bit there and the next thing I know is I'm fighting this big ugly red thing with four arms and two swords holding that dagger." She gave it a withering stare.

"And then what happens?" Angel was the one asking maybe he had been around ex watchery types for too long. Always with the endless questions.

"That's where I wake up." She shrugged hoping against hope that she was convincing. She could feel Spike's eyes boring into her like he sensed she was holding back. As if his intense gaze could prod it out of her. Knowing that she refused to look at him.

Angel also didn't have that ok-so-you-told-us-what-you-know look on his face but he didn't say anything.

"So what else did you find on the dagger Wes." She was more then happy to throw the looks to him instead and was grateful when he began to speak.

"Like I told you before Buffy this dagger was only supposed to exist in myth and legend. It's name Xhesineis comes from an ancient demon language meaning purity. Legend has it this dagger was used to kill the last of the pure demons. It was forged using the blood of a pure warrior. The only other thing that I discovered is that it uses some sort of sacrifice to gather its power. The text is vague however."

"Aren't they always?" She stood up and took a few paces. "I feel like I'm missing something. Like the answer is just on the tip of my nose."

"Tongue pet." Spike corrected her automatically.

She let out a deep sigh. This wasn't helping. There were no answers to her dreams to be found in books and they were wasting time.

Glancing over at Angel she pushed the thoughts of the dream out of her mind and grasped on to the other uncomplete task of her visist.

"Have you made a decision yet Angel?"

He seemed startled at her sudden question. He gave her a look like he needed to tell her something important going so far as to open his mouth when they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Snapping his jaw shut Angel answered the door.

"Oh good everyone's here." Hamilton replied as his gaze swept over the collection of people.

Buffy couldn't suppress the low groan she felt. It was quiet and only the beings with super vamp hearing had caught it. Both of them gave her a funny look.

"Something you wanted? If you didn't notice we're in a meeting here." Angel stated as the guy breezed past him and into the room.

Buffy felt herself tense as his eyes seemed to light up at the sight of her. There was definiately something about this guy that caused her this uneasy queasy feeling.

"I'll only be a moment. I just wanted to make sure I introduced myself to the rest of your team." His eyes took in Fred and Wesley before settling once more on Buffy. "Hello Buffy it's good to see you again."

"Marcus." She said it with only a slight smile not letting the ick factor get to her. For some reason she was getting the feeling that he hadn't come in here just to meet Fred and Wes.

He seemed to turn his attention back to the people he hadn't met and Buffy let the drone of the conversation fade into the background. Angel was hiding something. She was sure of it just as she was sure he was going to tell them what when this suited menace had come in. Apparently they weren't going to get anything done as long as they were within the walls of this building.

"Angel." She said interrupting. "It's getting really late-" Which was a mild understatement since she could see the sky lightening with the coming dawn. "maybe we should all meet tomorrow?"

He seemed to look at her gratefully and without the dissappointment she saw in Hamilton's face.

"That's probably a good idea."

She almost let out a shout in thanks that she could finally get out of this place and maybe, dare she hope, get some sleep.

"Miss Summers, Buffy-" He corrected at her raised brow. "if you haven't yet made arrangements the firm would be happy to put you up in one of L.A.'s finer hotels."

She cleared her throat slightly. "No." She blinked realized the word came out a little to sharply and backpedaled. "No thank you I've made arrangements already." Giving him a little bigger smile she shrugged. "I really appreciate the offer though."

"Of course. If you need anything please just let us know." The way he had said us sent her the clear message that he meant himself and she fought another shudder of revulsion. "If you'll all excuse me then?" With a brief nod he left just as quickly as he had come in.

"Can we please get out of here now?" Buffy turned her imploring eyes to Spike.

"Yeah." He gave a glance to his Grandsire. "Peaches we'll call you later, set up a time to meet."

The faint click of the door behind found her body sagging in relief. She took a moment to look over the room taking in the sparsely furnished apartment. It seemed cold and empty to her like no one had really lived in it. There wasn't anything to make the place personal. She had seen motel rooms with more personality.

But none of that really mattered, not right now. Right now she just wanted to sleep, preferably for a week if not two.

She watched him drop her bag on the sofa in the living room before turning to look at her. He seemed like he wanted to say something, had looked like that the whole time they were in the car on the way over, but he had held his tongue. The thought unnerved her a bit because he wasn't one to hold back, if something needed saying he was the first one to find his voice, the first one to face the truth as ugly and as brutal as it could be. Whatever it was that was causing this hesitation must be something either he was afraid to say to her or be an ugly truth she was happy to be without right now, and in a way she was relieved for it.

His eyes turned away from her and walked towards the back of the room. She followed silently hoping that now she would be delivered to a bed and a blessed oblivion at least for a few hours.

As if her prayers had been answered the door opened to reveal a messy double bed covers strewn every which way. She followed him in taking in the fact that other then the bed and a small night stand with a cheap looking alarm clock there was nothing at all in the room. Well that wasn't exactly true there was a folding chair in the corner that had a folded laundry on it and a pile of apparently dirty Spike apparel near the door.

She was dragging her feet now as she crossed the room towards his bed. Glancing back at him she gave a tentative smile not sure if she was actually smiling or grimacing through her tiredness. Obviously she had been closer to a grimace if the look of concern that was now on his face was any indication. She shook her head willing him to understand that she was fine if not a bit too tired for words.

But he had never worked that way not really. Unspoken communication for him wasn't nearly as good as the real thing or so she assumed. He had always made her voice what she was feeling or thinking.

She watched as that scarred eyebrow raised in her direction the question glinting in his eyes before she even heard it pass his lips.

"What aren't you telling me pet?"

"Huh?" Her mind was a little fuzzy yes but the question seemed like it had come out of left field.

"Your dream. There's something you're not tellin' us. Not tellin' me." His tone was concerned yes but not accusing and she could see a bit of hurt in his eyes at the thought that she wasn't being open with him.

It wasn't that she didn't want to be. Well not entirely true, she did want to tell him what was going on but she was so afraid of the reaction it would generate that she found herself unable to find the words to tell him about where she thought all of this was heading to. So she stood silent a few more minutes unable to meet his eyes knowing that a single look and he could see every answer she held on to so tightly.

Eyes down cast as they were she missed the motion of him crossing the room to her his hand reaching out and grabbing her chin firmly but not harshly, lifting her head so that he could look in her eyes. She looked on wordlessly as they flicked over her face his blue searching her hazel.

Buffy couldn't look at him and not speak. It was something she had realized almost too late in their relationship. That gaze leveled on her, the only one that truly saw her as she was, forced her into sharing everything with him. But she was unsure if she really could share this.

"Spike I-" Her voice locked itself inside of her throat the words fleeing her mind. She took a ragged breath pushing to make a sentence that would make sense.

"Can't we talk about this later? I just want to get some sleep." She put as much whine into it as she could.

The look on his face was telling her in no uncertain terms that he wasn't buying it. There would have been a time when she wouldn't have cared if he bought her excuses or not but that time was long past now. The hurt she had seen cross his face was back again and it was like a sharp pain in her gut. She let out a deep sigh. There wasn't anyway she couldn't tell him not when he hurt like this.

The phone ringing in the other room startled both of them and she sent a little thank you heaven word for the distraction. She almost let out a little chuckle as his hand dropped and he walked out of the room, she literally was saved by the bell.
Her relief was short lived however at the words he called out over his shoulder.

"We're not done." Oh those words held so much promise of a talk she didn't want to have.

Reluctantly she went back into the main room heading towards her bag. Maybe she would have enough time to at least change her clothes before the respite from the phone call was over. At least she would be dressed comfortably. She took the shorts and t-shirt into the bedroom and quickly changed. That done she went back and sat quietly on the couch and listened to him finish his phone call.

"Yeah. No here is better. Four o'clock then."

He hung the phone up without so much as a bye and she knew that Angel had been on the other end of the phone.

"Were meeting here at four?" Of course that was what she had heard but the question was all she could think of as a delaying tactic.

He was not amused. She didn't blame him of course but she felt helpless in her situation.

"Yes." He let out the single answer before he took a place next to her on the couch his gaze settling on her.

She fidgeted uncomfortably under that piercing look.

"It's nothing."

"Really nothing made your heart go all skittish in Percy's office?"

Damn she was hoping that he hadn't noticed that. Sure it was a foolish hope considering how attuned he was to everything she did, but it was a hope nonetheless.

"Okay so not nothing exactly. It's not a big deal. I just got a little wigged about finding out about the room is all.”? That was the truth and she was glad because she was so not into the lying to him anymore.

"Buffy-" His impatience was plain.

"Really Spike it's just been a long couple of days. Of which I haven't gotten any sleep in. I'm just all over reacty right now." Again with the truth mostly.

She watched his eyes narrow at her and she fought the urge to flinch. He wasn't convinced she knew but her bringing up her lack of sleep was causing him to war within himself between fishing out the truth and letting her get the rest she needed. She could see it in his eyes the thoughts chasing themselves around in his mind and she felt the first pangs of guilt at the way she took advantage of his concern.

Choosing to ignore that very large twinge of her conscience for now she took his hand in hers.

"C'mon let's get some sleep 'kay?" She rubbed her thumb over the top of his hand in a soft caress.

His eyes softened and she understood that his concern had won out over his need to know. He was going to let it go, for now.

He stood and pulled her to her feet unwilling it seems to let her hand go. She was more than okay with that.

They padded silently back into the bedroom and stopped just at the foot of the bed. She let go of his hand and bent toward the sheets to straighten them a bit when his hand on her shoulder made her stop. Her questioning gaze returned to his face unsure.

The guilt returned full force as she took in the pain he tried to hide in his beautiful eyes. It was so sharp and distinct that she had to keep herself from gasping out loud from it. How could she cause this? What was wrong with her that she would entertain the thought of hiding this from him? She didn't know and the way it was tearing into him left her thinking that maybe she hadn't really gotten the rest of her soul back. Maybe she was the only pure evil being in this relationship.

It was just too much to bear as she looked into his eyes, so she did the only thing she could. She turned her eyes away.

The grip on her shoulder tightened and she had to fight to keep from looking at him. The knowledge of his pain was causing her own to course through her at an exponential rate. She stiffened as she felt his other hand close around her other shoulder and he turned her toward him. The urge to just flee entered her and she tamped it down. She had finished running a while ago and now she really had nowhere else to go.

She felt the hardness of his fingers as they bit into the flesh of her shoulders and finally resolved herself to the situation in front of her. Everything that she was screamed at her to get it over with to just tell him. But how do you tell the man you love, who loves you in return, that you know you're going to die? And not just that but die a gruesome horrible bloody death right in front of him?

Raising her head she forced herself to look into his eyes letting him see everything she was feeling. The pain, the love, the worry, and the guilt all of it evident for him to read. The worry that looked back at her kept her from speaking for a moment too overcome by the depth of feeling between them to let the words intrude.

Looking deep inside her being she found her resolve and pushed it forward. She put her hands on his waist and maneuvered him to sit on the bed. His hands letting her go as he sat on the mattress. Standing Buffy took a step back forcing her brain to function to let out the words she hated.

"So it's something alright? Fine. I just didn't want to have to tell you is all. I just keep hoping that it's just a dream just something my subconscious rigged up to freak me out. Like a normal person." She let out a bitter laugh. "Guess I should really know better by now huh?"

His head was cocked in that way of his a slight crease in his forehead as he tried to see the sense in her words.

"Pet-" The endearment had always touched her in a way. Years ago it gave her the large sense of annoyance that his presence could only bring but along the way it had changed and she had come to treasure the name. It was something she loved to hear and he could make it sound as soft as a caress or as rough as a slap. Right now it was somewhere between the two in his confusion and hurt.

"I've told you most of it. The room, the dagger, big evil red guy fighting me with four arms. I mean how fair is that he's got four arms and I'm stuck with just two. He could at least not have a weapon but no he's got to have two." She mentally slapped herself out of her tangent. "So I fight this guy but were pretty evenly matched and nothing much happens for awhile."

"And then?" Oh god he was just so damned impatient.

"And then I notice that someone else is in the room with me. Even though I ignore it something happens and Mr. Red and Ugly gets the advantage." God she couldn't tell him who she senses in the dream could she? That he might think he was the fatal distraction. No definitely not. That little tidbit was not passing through her lips. He would have to pry it out of her with a crowbar and he didn't look like he had one handy.

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?"

She ran a hand through her hair wondering if there was an easy way for her to put into words what she'd seen.

"Um he-" Nope still a blank on the soft and gentle way. "The sword-"

"What about his sword?" The push was too much and she blurted.

"He takes the damn thing and puts it in my stomach." Crap, way with the subtle.

"WHAT?"

The shout made her jump a bit but she held her ground. She placed her hand on his shoulder hoping her touch would calm him just a bit.

She sighed. "Do you really want me to repeat that?"

Her hand gave his shoulder a quick squeeze.

"I don't get to slay the bad guy this time. Looks like instead of being the slayer I'm the slayee." She tried to give him a wry smile but she doubted that it worked.

Instantly she found that she was pulled onto his lap his arms encircling her tightly.

"Don't talk like that." His voice was muffled against her hair.

"Spike it's happened every time I've had the dream and trust me I've had it enough times to know. The fact is I end up with a really nasty gash bleeding all over the place." She pulled her head away and looked in his eyes. The sudden urge to touch him was too much even if she was sitting in his lap and she placed a hand on his cheek. "Do you want to hear the rest?"

The look in his eyes told her that he didn't but she had let him know this much and he needed to know the rest. The slow slight nod that he gave her reaffirmed his hesitancy.

"I'm laying on the floor of the cavern hands clutching my-" She broke off when her voice hitched. "My stomach. And you finally kneel beside me telling me to hold on. But you see I already know that I'm dying." She whispered the word unwilling to give it more substance if only that would keep it at bay. "I touch your cheek and tell you that I'm sorry and I am just so damned sorry that I can't stay with you. And then I tell you I love you because I do so much. I look right into your eyes and they're just filled with so much pain and it hurts cause I know that it's my fault that you're feeling it. And I take a breath and as I let it out I feel myself let go." She could feel the tears streaming her face now and she wondered when she had begun to cry. Buffy had trouble making out his face through the cloudiness they caused. "That's when I wake up."

She blinked hard trying to clear her vision just to see him. The feel of his rough fingers brushing at the tears on her cheeks made the urge that much more important.

Successful at last she took in the shock on his face, the horror that her words might be true still etched on his features.

" 's not going to happen, luv. Not as long as I'm around." Buffy wished she could crawl to the land of denial he had found but it was denied her this time.

"Spike-" His arms tightened even more.

"Not going to happen." He bit out the words forcefully as if just saying them would make them true.

Her heart ached with the knowledge of the pain he was feeling and the pain yet to come. It was almost physical and she wished just once more that she was wrong. Even if her inner voice knew differently.

She did the only thing she could think of and brushed her lips against his.

The movement seemed to open something inside of him because he returned the kiss in a brutal fashion full of pain and desperation. She responded in kind trying to deny the fear and pain that she was feeling. They clung to each other barely letting air flow in between them as if it would create a giant crater if they let it. His embrace was so tight it was almost squeezing all of the air out of her lungs and she knew there would be a lovely set of bruises there tomorrow. But it didn't matter. None of it did.

She felt the burning in her chest as her body cried out for the oxygen it still depended on but she tried to ignore it. The feeling of his lips on hers was all she concentrated on. But soon even a Slayer has to give in to the need to breathe and she had to pull away. Her breath came in giant shaking gasps the emotions running through her making her throat feel raw. The noise of their breathing seemed to echo through the room.

Buffy let her eyes close and leaned her head against his chest. She took the comfort she had found in his embrace gladly and hoped he could find some in return from her.

They sat for long moments neither speaking just holding each other as tight as possible not wanting to let the other go. She wondered if when the time came he would be able to look back at this particular moment in time and find some peace. She hoped so.

"Spike?" She barely breathed his name but knew he could hear her anyway.

"Yes luv."

"As good as this is I really would like to lay down now." She could feel the exhaustion settling into her bones and was curious as how she had managed to stay awake this long. The tug of sleep was becoming something too strong for her to resist though and she found herself in the middle of a giant yawn halfway through her question.

He shifted her body wordlessly so that she was lying on the bed using her feet she scooted her way up so that she could rest her head on one of the pillows. As she did this she could hear that he was undressing tossing first his shirt and then his jeans to the floor. She reached down and brought a sheet over her body and smoothed it out. Lifting a corner he climbed in with her. He was on his side facing her as she reclined in the same position mirroring him. His arm went around her waist and her hand settled against his chest.

She stared at her hand for a moment just noticing how the tan of her skin seemed to only be enhanced by the alabaster of his. Her mind wandered and her eyelids began to feel so heavy she thought it would take steel beams to pry them open. But a thought echoed through her mind and she fought sleep for a few more minutes.

"I'm so sorry Spike."

"Nothin' to be sorry 'bout luv. Go to sleep." She could feel his words rumble through his chest and into her hand.

"Yes there is. It seems like no matter what I do I end up hurting you." She sighed her eyelids slipping shut. "Don't want to hurt you anymore. Love you."

"I know. I love you Buffy. I promise nothing is going to hurt you."

"Don't promise that. Slayer remember short life expectancy." She struggled to open her eyes and look into his. "Promise me this instead. If something does happen promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"Define stupid pet."

She thought about how to word her feelings. Dawn had told her the extremes his grief had taken him the last time she had died and she feared that this time when he knew how she felt about him it would be ten times worse.

"Like the last time. Just promise me you won't do it." Her eyes remained locked on his watching as the feelings and memories pass through him.

"Can't promise that pet. Alcohol does strange things to a bloke." He was being flippant but she understood.

"Spike I know you'll keep your promise you always do. Please."

"Buffy, pet the first time I lost you it bloody near killed me. I think this time it damn well would." He let out a ragged sigh. "Don't think I could live in a world without you in it."

"Yes you could, you're the strongest man I've ever known. Give me this one last thing please." She could feel the hot pricking of tears behind her eyes again and she willed them away she was just so damned tired of crying.

He didn't say anything his gaze had become distant and soft, like he was looking at something just beyond her shoulder. But she knew better he was remembering.

"Spike?" She called his name softly bringing him back to her in the here and now even if it was too painful for either of them to face. Buffy saw the shimmer of unshed tears in his blue eyes and she wished with everything she had that the future she had seen was a lie.

"Soddin' hell Buffy. Not a damn thing in this world I would deny you and you know it. I promise." How was it possible for words said with such feeling and conviction be so quiet at the same time?

She pushed herself forward so that they were millimeters apart.

"I love you." Closing the distance between them she slid her lips over his.

Where before their kiss was hurried with frenzied need now they were slow and savoring. Enjoying the feeling of each others taste as it tickled their senses. It was a gentle motion of two tongues brushing almost teasingly against each other and so achingly sweet. Instead of the flash fire that usually flared they were encompassed by a liquefied warmth that seemed to relax the muscles.

Their arousal was almost a side effect of the feelings they were expressing as hands slowly moved over flesh. Two pair that floated up and down the skin of the other. Brushes with fingertips, strokes that came from whispering palms, all sending them to a plateau only they could see.

Kisses were broken and renewed so fluidly that one couldn't tell where they ended or began. Each movement flowed between them met with soft gasps and sighs. She barely felt her clothes being brushed aside by his gentle hands until they were lying skin meeting skin. Her hands lingered over the hardness of his flesh just as his paused on the softness of hers. His hand drew her leg over his hip and he angled his legs in between hers. Inch by inch he entered her the movement almost nonexistent.

The languorous thrust of his hips rocked them with a subtle motion that reminded Buffy of being on the ocean. Like they were riding along every smooth wave sinking him deeper within her. Her climax spread through her slowly washing over her again and again her inner walls rhythmically milking him. And soon he was shuddering inside of her his cool seed spilling into her core as his whispered words of love lulled her into sleep.

Buffy had to fight to hold in the sigh she felt in her chest at the need to get out of her too comfy position. She would have preferred to stay right where she was with her large vampire shaped body pillow but the call of nature was being overly insistent and she carefully managed to disentangle her limbs with that of his. Holding her breath as she slowly slid away from him she let it go when her feet finally touched the carpet. A quick glance behind her was enough to reassure the feeling that he was still sound asleep.

As much as she knew he would deny it she was certain that Spike had been just as exhausted as she had been. She was more then willing to give him a little more time to sleep.

Stepping back out of the bathroom she stole a glance at the clock by his bedside and noticed that it wasn't even noon yet. Only a few quick hours of sleep and she was up already. It wasn't like she should have been surprised she had been like this since she had been called as the slayer only getting three or four hours of sleep a night before going to school, or work or wherever. Sometimes she was a little jealous of the vampires she had to slay after all they got to have a full eight hours of sleep if they wanted after dodging her all night. Didn't seem altogether fair that she wouldn't be allowed the same.

Pushing the asinine thoughts out of her mind she stepped back into her shorts and pulled on her shirt. Quietly she made her way back into the front room and sat on the couch. She thought about turning the TV on for a moment but dismissed the idea given that at this time of day there wouldn't be anything on worth watching.

Carefully keeping her wandering mind from her more troubled thoughts she just let the quiet in the apartment settle into her. There had been so little time to herself lately and for once it was good to be able just to sit and not really think. Of course it would have been better to know they weren't just about to fight a big apocalypsy type event without even a small clue as to what was going on.

The first pound on the door made her jump to her feet startled. The second sent her quickly stepping to the door. Right after the loud forceful bang that shook the door in its frame she flung the door open.

Her eyes met with a very angry Angel.

His abrupt push past her caused a frown at appear and her brow to furrow. What the hell had gotten into him know? She was sure it was something serious because for the first time she noticed he wasn't brooding he was seething. The look on the dark man's face spoke of a murderous rage she had never seen not even when he had been Angelus.

There was no time for her to react no time for her to question just what he was thinking or what possibly could have happened when he began his rant. His pace slowed as he turned to face her his eyes burning with something close to hate and she felt a small shiver trail down her spine. She knew it wasn't directed at her but the cold burning fury she saw there was scary if directed anywhere.

"Where the fuck is Spike?" He was loud whether by design or not Buffy couldn't tell but she flinched in response.

"Well he was bloody sleepin' till you walked in here like a jack ass Peaches." Said vampire was now leaning in the doorway of his bedroom giving Angel what looked on the surface to be a death glare. But underneath Buffy was sure she could see the light of curiosity and maybe the barest flicker of concern.

His voice made her recall the use of hers and she looked between the two of them for a moment before speaking.

"Angel what's going on?"

"Get dressed." Her gaze met with that of Spike's at the commanding tone Angel had used. Normally such a tone would get him no end of derision from the both of them. After all this was Spike and her like they were good at following orders.

"Answer the damn question, Poof. What's got your knickers in such a twist?" He had stepped into the room his stride bringing him right next to the other man.

"I don't have time for this. We've got to move now."

"Angel?" She softened her voice hoping that he would calm and be a little more reasonable.

"They have him alright? They fucking took him out of his own house and now he's god knows where. So could you please get your asses moving so I can find him?" He was still yelling and Buffy had the distinct impression that the word please was only tossed in her direction.

"Could you clear that up a little mate? Who have they got and who are they?" Spike's head was cocked quizzically at Angel but there was no smirk on his face.

But Buffy was finding that she didn't need this spelled out for her for once. It was really pretty simple.

"They took Connor." She placed a hand on his arm the gesture sympathetic in nature and she was glad that this time she got no possessive vibe from Spike. There was just so much she could deal with right now and jealous vampire crap was way down at the bottom of the list.

His slow nod the only conformation she needed she headed back to the bedroom to change her clothes.

"Who the bleedin' hell is Connor?" She could hear the confusion and the tint of annoyance in his voice. Turning back to look at him she took stock of his defensive stance and Angel's closed off face.

"Angel I'm going to go get dressed maybe it would be better if you told Spike what was going on."

"Buffy-"

"I'm not trying to tell you I told you so Angel but he needs to know what's going on. Give me a minute and I'll be right out."

She stepped into the bedroom and hastily found something to wear and threw it on. Roughly pulling a brush through her hair she tied it back into a ponytail and went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. Those mundane chores completed she walked back into the living room.

"How is that even possible?" The incredulity in Spike's voice lead her to believe he was having a hard time with the whole vampires having children thing. Well she couldn't blame him for that one herself she still didn't really get it but the fact was there was a child albeit an eighteen-year-old one that was raised in a hell dimension.

Angel ran a hand through his brown hair causing it to spike in an odd angle.

"There was some prophecy involved and he just is okay?"

"When did they take him?" Buffy asked as she sat back on the sofa while she watched the two vamps continue to stand. She assumed that Angel was just to aggravated to sit and Spike well he was Spike after all.

"This morning about dawn. They yanked him right out of his own bed and killed the people that he thought were his parents."

"Any idea where they would have taken him?"

The look of devastation on his face was clear and she resisted the urge to run over to him and give him a supportive hug.

"No."

"Well maybe you should call the others and get them over here. Gunn included maybe he knows someplace that they keep hostages for negotiations or something."

"There isn't time Buffy."

"Angel we don't even have a clue of where to look for him. Make the calls."

"Why bother no one is going to believe any of this. Not without some kind of proof." He stepped towards the door his hand reaching for the knob.

"Angel where are you going?"

"To get some answers." As the door opened she let out a small gasp to see Hamilton standing on the other side of it.

The surprise must not have been quite as bad for Angel considering he had grabbed the man by the throat before she could blink. He was dragged into the apartment and there was a dull thud as his body made contact with the wall. A low growl came from Angel's throat and Buffy felt a momentary chill as the other man wore a cold smile.

"Angel lovely to see you again." The polished words were a bit strained with the lack of oxygen but the absence of fear was plain.

Spike had moved to come up along side Angel staring into Marcus's dark eyes.

"Strange coincidence the suit showing up here and all. Got something you want to share?"

The smile never left his face and he didn't answer. A look passed between the men and Angel's grip tightened even more.

Hamilton looked like he was struggling to say something and the grip on his throat loosened enough for him to pull some air into his lungs and make his vocal cords work.

"Everyone ever tell you not to kill the messenger?" His voice still held that false cheer that creeped her out.

"If you don't have anything to say...." Angel's words were low and dangerous. He began to squeeze his fingers into the man's neck again.

Easily and before the rest of them had a chance to react Hamilton knocked Angel back across the room. He seemed to take in their startled looks before straightening his suit and tie.

"Now let's have a civilized discussion about this. We obviously have something you want and we want you to do something for us."

Buffy was the first to react and she walked closer to the man. His gaze traveled over her appreciatively and this time she didn't bother to hide the revulsion on her face.

"Where is he?"

"Uh uh." He tisked at her. "Let's not be hasty here. Maybe we should all get to know more about each other first."

"Over my dead body." Spike growled at the man. "Best you keep your eyes to yourself mate."

A small chuckle left the suited man's lips. "You really think I'm bothered by your posturing? The truth is I could kill everyone in this room and not blink an eye. But I am a business man and we have business to conduct."

Buffy watched as Spike's body seemed to coil as if he was a snake ready to strike. She put a hand on his shoulders to stop whatever impulse he was about to follow and turned to face the other man.

"So talk already." She could sense Angel come stand behind the two of them again.

"Of course." He looked seriously at Angel. "The Senior Partners are a little concerned that you're not living up to your end of the bargain. Let's say that they wanted a little insurance in that regard."

"If they've done anything to him-"

"He's perfectly safe I assure you. As long as you keep doing your job of course."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He denied.

"You know you are an exceptionally bad liar. I wonder if that's just the soul? No matter. Who do you think you work for Angel? We have the most powerful seers and psychics in this and every other dimension working for us. Didn't you think we would know when your thinking changed?" He glanced back over to Buffy. "A pity really we had such high hopes for you."

She felt her body tense at his words and she kind of wished she could just pummel the guys face in. The only thing keeping her back was the thought that this guy knew exactly what had happened to Angel's son and she was determined to help him get the boy back.

"What do they want?"

"Just the same thing they wanted when Angel came to Wolfram & Hart. He's to go back and run the place just like he was doing before you showed up on his doorstep." His leer was back and she thought that if she had eaten anything in the last few hours she would be tossing it on to the floor right about now.

"That's it?" She knew the disbelief she was feeling was quite clear in her words.

"For Angel yes. For you that's a different matter all together." He stepped closer to her ignoring the bleached vampire at her side. "We know holding Connor is enough to hold him in check but you're kind of a loose end. Something that needs tying up."

She was used to innuendo of course knowing Spike as long as she had would certainly be enough of a lesson on the topic even for the most naive of people. This seemed different though somehow. It wasn't something he was using just to get a rise out of her as Spike had in the past and it wasn't the bantering that they had shared in the past both in harm and in fun. No this innuendo was far worse and she was sure that he fully intended to live out the ugly picture that was dancing in his head. A thought she was in no way happy to have.

"Is there a point to all of this or are you getting off on hearing your own voice? Cause to tell you the truth I'm getting a little bored over here." She channeled her disgust with him into her words. Sneaking a glance at Spike she was amused to see the smirk cross his lips at her words.

"Oh there is a point as I'm sure you know. The Senior Partners would like a meeting with you."

"A meeting? You've got to be kidding."

"No I'm very serious. You realize that they don't request meetings with mortals very often don't you? It's really an honor."

"And you want her to walk into the lion's den?" She wondered if Spike's eyebrow got any higher would it disappear into his hairline.

"Somehow I'm thinking this isn't a good thing."

"Think whatever you want. This is the only way to ensure the young man's safety. It really is no concern either way to them."

She wished she had the power to damn this man. Well more then he already probably was considering his alliances but the fact remained they had them over a barrel and she only had one choice. Damn her sense of right and wrong.

"Fine. Do what you have to set up make a schedule whatever. Just as long as you leave right now." Taking a threatening step closer to him she settled her hands on her hips.

"Very well. Good to see you as always Buffy. Perhaps it will be under better circumstances the next time."

"Somehow I doubt that Marcus." She said his name with as much disdain, as she was capable of.

But he was already out the door and she was forced to close it behind him.

"Stupid. How could I have been so stupid?" She muttered to herself. Well it would have been except for the exceptional hearing of her two companions.

"Just what are you thinking luv?"

"Please Spike don't take that tone with me. Did you see another choice? Cause if you did I so want to hear it." She gave her eyes a roll for good measure.

"How could you agree to meet with them? You know they don't even exist in this dimension?" Angel shook his head.

She flinched at that.

"Okay so I didn't think of that. Still not seeing the other choices here." She walked back towards the little kitchen area without looking back. "You have a better plan then spill."

She searched in the cupboards and found a glass. Turning to the sink she twisted the tap and filled it.

"Buffy you can't just go to a meeting with the Senior Partners." Angel was in such a sad state of denial and she wondered how many hours he was going to waste on Wolfram & Hart's payroll sitting in his office and brooding.

"Gee thanks for that bit of info. And that is also not helping." She took a long sip of the water glad to have the cool liquid soothe her throat.

"I'm just stating the facts you go in there and they're going to kill you."

She slammed the glass on the counter water spilling out of it in all directions.

"News flash Angel if they wanted any of us dead I'm sure we'd be that way by now. I don't think this is their only option." Taking a deep breath she tried to curb the frustration she was feeling.

Her glance finally settled on Spike and suddenly he seemed awfully pale to her. She wondered why that would be and thought about the conversation they were currently having. Her eyes widened when the thought ran through her head like a giant banner. The guy just learned she had a prophetic dream about her own death and here they were talking about her dying. When had she become so dumb any way?

She walked to him quickly and wrapped an arm around his waist as she faced Angel. Hoping that silent reassurance would be enough until she could deal with the other vamp in her life.

"That doesn't-"

"Just drop it Angel okay?" She let out a deep sigh. "You better go to the office before they start thinking you're not holding up you're end of the deal. Spike and I will think of something. I hope."

"No worries luv. Nasties won't get a chance at you." Wrapping her arm a little tighter around him she was grateful that he was here.

"Right. So you want me to go back and act like nothing is wrong?"

"No I want you to go and let them see you there. No one said you had to be happy about it."

"Fine I'll go but I want to know the second you hear from Hamilton. Or if you think of a plan."

Buffy didn't like the tone he used but she let it go. They had enough problems without fighting amongst themselves. She gave him a nod and kept her eyes on him as he walked through the door.

Once the door shut behind Angel she dropped her arm and faced Spike.

"Don't even say it." She warned him quietly.

"What that I think your makin' a bloody fucked up mistake?" The sarcasm in his voice was biting.

"Then you tell me what the hell I was supposed to do. I didn't hear you coming up with any bright ideas." She had started to increase in volume but she couldn't control it.

"I don't know but I sure as hell wouldn't have volunteered to a face to face with the bastards."

"God were either of you even in the same room with me? I don't recall volunteering being an option. Besides this isn't about me it's about saving Angel's son. I don't have the time for this so let it go."

"You don't have the time?" His tone was dripping with incredulity. "That's positively rich pet. Seems to me you haven't the time for much now days." He took a step towards her practically blocking out everything in her vision with his proximity. "This the part where you tell me it was a barrel of laughs but you really got to run? Think we're back to that old standard. Well got news for you luv, this vamp ain't playin' that game." His breath came out heavy almost in a pant as his eyes bore the hurt she had witnessed on too many occasions. But she was damned if she was willing to shoulder the burden of that this time.

She spun away from him taking a few steps to give her some room and a moment to collect her thoughts. Taking a steadying breath she faced him once more.

"You think that's all this is? A sick game? Do you think so little of me that I would ever go back to the way I was then?" Searching his eyes she found that for once she couldn't find her answers to him there. "Maybe you do. Hell maybe I deserve it. But this whole mess isn't about that is it? You want to make it my fault? Fine by me. Won't be the first time. But don't you dare accuse me of shutting you out when you're doing it to me." She crossed her arms over her chest trying to keep it from heaving in her anger. Turning her back to him she continued to keep her arms wrapped around her body.

Fuck for once couldn't she catch a break from all of the emotional turmoil? Did her life have to resemble an episode of Passions all the time?

She was unsure of how long they stood that way. Each of them silent left to whatever horrible thoughts wanted to filter through their troubled minds. Time itself seemed to stretch out and finally Buffy was able to get her mind on track. If she was lucky there would be a time and place for this thing she and Spike had going on. But now was definitely not it. Too much was riding on her shoulders and she needed to focus.

Her head tilted down in concentration and for the first time since she had gotten dressed she actually noticed what she was wearing. A cream v-necked tank and faded blue jeans. Nothing out of the ordinary in her wardrobe except for one glaring fact.

This was what she had been wearing in her dream.

It took her a moment and a few blinks of her eyes before she could really focus on the fact. When she did she tried to tell herself that it was only a coincidence that it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. But that stupid little rational voice in her head berated her and whispered that there was no such thing as coincidences and she should know better after living so many years on a Hellmouth.

The thought had her spinning wildly out of control in just a few seconds. Was this the day? Was today really the day she was going to die again?

"Spike?" His name came out a bit breathy not at all like the strong slayer she had been a few moments before.

"Yeah?" He however was gruff his anger and hurt apparently not dampened by the time he had been silent.

"A plan would be so of the good right now." She turned back to face him her eyes shining with tears she would not allow to fall.

His reaction was swift as she knew it would be once he assessed the stricken look on her face, the tears hiding in her eyes, and the race of her heart. He was by her side in an instant arms wrapping themselves around her drawing her close to his body.

Here in the comfort of his embrace she let the world drop away once more even if it was for just a fleeting moment.

Time was such an evil thing. Sometimes it would pass slowly, drawing itself out making every second feel like a millennia. So slow that your whole being screamed at the grasp it had over you driving you mad with the waiting for the ticking of a clock. At other times it was swift denying you the pleasure of holding on to a specific moment holding it close to you so the memory of it burned into your very being. Passed so quickly that if you blinked your eyes it would be gone forever out of your grasp slipping through your fingers like sand.

The millisecond she was allowed in is comforting embrace was one of those examples that showed just how evil time really was. A breath maybe two held in his embrace and the moment was shattered reality running in to confront them with the passing of her fleeting peace.

The anger and frustration she had felt was gone the instant she realized how close she was to the end and she wasn't going to send her mind into a state of denial about it. Her dream had been proven to be eerily accurate with everything they had found. So no she wasn't about to believe there was still another hope out there. But she was also convinced that she shouldn't be waiting around for fate to step in and punch her time card so to speak. It wasn't really in her nature to sit back and wait for them to come to her. No she was the aggressor always had been and it wouldn't be any different now.

"Spike." Her voice was stronger maybe from her resolve or at least she hoped so. It wouldn't do if it were from acceptance of a fate her mind had foreseen.

He didn't answer but buried his nose in her hair breathing in deeply. She fought with her body's urge to burrow further in his embrace.

Her head tilted away from him and she stole a glance into his blue eyes.

"I'm going to call Fred and Wes see if they know something that might help."

"Buffy? What is it pet?"

"I think we've run out of time." It was the only answer she saw fit to give. And boy was it ever the truth.

************

She fidgeted in her seat as their car made its way down a crowded freeway headed to Wolfram & Hart once again. Buffy was uncomfortable about meeting once more in Angel's office but saw little choice in the matter. They were grasping at answers that weren't there desperate to find anything to help.

There had been few words spoken by either of them as they left his apartment and she was unsure what Spike was actually thinking. She was sure that he really hadn't been angry with her per se but at the situation they found themselves in. It was totally something she got. But she didn't know what to say that would at least reassure him a little not when she couldn't find the words to comfort herself.

Fred or Wes had asked few questions like they understood what was going on even without all of the facts. In a way it was good she didn't know if she could handle the emotional toll expressing her dream and its consequences would take on her. Not now when they were so close to fighting something even if they didn't know what it was yet.

As the car made its way into the underground garage she wrung her hands nervously in her lap. He smoothly pulled into an available space and shut off the engine. She found herself placing a hand on his arm as he reached for the door handle stilling his movement.

His gaze turned to her and even though a word wasn't spoken she understood the question in his eyes. The answer however was one she couldn't find words to vocalize and she leaned forward to brush his lips with her own. She kissed him with longing and sadness as it filled her knowing that they had so few moments like these left. He responded his own lips softly playing against hers.

Her eyes opened and found his searching her intently and she wished again for the ability to make all this disappear.

"I love you." The only words that she could find to even begin to express what she felt in that second.

"I-" She watched him swallow hard his emotions close to the surface just like they always were. "I love you so much Buffy."

Touching his cheek in a feather light caress briefly she gave him the tiniest of smiles.

"I know." Reaching for her own door handle she got out of the car and walked towards the elevator that would take them inside.

******

Stepping into his office once more Buffy wondered if this was really a good idea. Meeting inside the building that housed the very organization you were trying to bring down could not be a smart move. They had already proved that theory true and she had to wonder what the hell they were doing back here. Of course not much else could go wrong now so there probably was little point in worrying.

The others had already arrived before her and she was glad that they could get right to work. It was the best distraction she could think of.

Taking in the room full of people she let her eyes linger on Gunn standing off in the corner alone. It was difficult for him to be there she could see it in the way he was holding himself and the occasional half glare that was thrown his way by Wes Fred and Angel couldn't really be helping. She could understand their feelings of betrayal she had been in their shoes enough times but she wouldn't hold what almost happened against the man. He was after all just as capable of making a mistake trying to muddle through the shades of gray as anyone else. She had forgiven a lot more.

"Anything new?" She hoped her tone was as light as she was trying to make it.

"Actually yes." Wes spoke up. "We've found some information of the room you and Angel spoke of."

When he didn't continue she pushed back a frustrated groan. You could take the man away from the council but you couldn't take the watcher out of the man.

"C'mon Wes make with the spillage already."

"Right. It seems that it was made as an insurance policy if you will for the Senior Partners to gain access to this plane. From what Lindsey had said to Angel they were uncertain where his loyalties would ultimately lay. This um doorway would give them the option of returning here to fix whatever damage he could accomplish. Of course it is heavily guarded to keep anyone from using the portal in reverse." He turned and spoke directly to Angel. "The creature that you saw trapped inside of it is specifically made to kill Angel using a spell of some sort but that may work to our advantage."

"How do you figure?" Buffy tried to understand what he meant but was drawing a blank.

"As long as Angel doesn't directly confront the creature some one else should be able to kill it without too much difficulty."

"Seems like the rest of us weren't even considered a marginal threat they were banking on the whole champion angle." It was the first time Gunn had spoken.

"Meaning?" She turned to face him.

"They never planned for the rest of us making it this far. The records that I managed to find stated that we'd either be dead or working for them willingly by now."

"So they expected everyone just to turn to the dark side huh? Typical. So once we get inside what are we looking at?"

"That I'm afraid we just don't know."

"And any idea where they would be holding Connor?" She spoke to Angel not knowing if he had explained the situation to the others.

"Nothing concrete but we're still looking." Wes answered her question but the look in Angel's eyes told her that he knew something the other man did not.

Well that explained it. They knew someone had been taken just not that Connor was his son.

"So the planning is a bust huh? Guess that only leaves us one option."

"And that would be what pet?"

"Same thing we always do. Rush right in and save the day."

The openly gawking faces in the room made her suppress a smile. Haven't they learned by now?

Apparently someone had because the glare she was getting from the blonde vamp indicated he'd been around for one to many of those little tasks. Well he should know he was the rescuee in a lot of instances.

"There's got to be another way." The words came through tightly clenched teeth and she sent him a haughty look in return.

"I don't think there really is and you don't either so can we get on with this?"

A pained look seemed to cross Angel's face and Buffy caught it out of the corner of her eye. She pivoted to face him and watched as he played with a small box that looked like it was lit up from the inside.

"Buffy, Spike could I talk to you a minute, alone." The puzzled look she could feel settle on her face was nothing compared to the looks he was getting from his own gang.

She took a glance at Spike and saw the same look mirrored in his eyes. Shrugging she took a step forward as Angel turned and headed into the elevator in the back of his office. Once inside the doors he let the doors close and hit the emergency stop button.

"Not that I don't like the lift or anything but what's with the secret meeting inside the secret meeting?" Spike leaned casually against the wall.

Choosing to ignore him Buffy gave a questioning look to the dark man.

"What's that you're holding?"

"I did some digging when I got here. The memory spell they used on everyone was done by this guy named Cyvus Vail he's got some big connections runs some underground stuff. Anyway I paid him a little visit. Turns out he needs something from us so in exchange he gave me this." He lifted the cube so they could see it better. "This thing here holds the real memories of everyone that had contact with Connor before. Theory is I smash it and they're all restored including Connor's."

By the look on his face Buffy could tell there was more than that at stake.

"And the problem is?"

"The problem is the way things were left between Connor and I before they did this spell. Plus the little matter of the things that happened between me and the group of people sitting in my office."

"Can't be terribly bad can it Peaches?"

"I tried to kill Wesley-" The look of shock on both their faces or the muttered bloody hell from Spike didn't seem to register to Angel. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I do this and things are going to change and not in a happy good way either."

"Okay so maybe not the best way to go." She muttered under her breath.

"You don't understand. Right now Connor thinks he's just a normal eighteen-year-old kid, probably scared out of his mind, whose being held against his will after his parents were brutally murdered in their own home. But if I smash this stupid thing he'll get back every memory of how to fight, how to kill, how to save himself. If I do this he stands a chance." His dark eyes were far too troubled and Buffy worried that this was the last they were going to see of rational Angel.

"I thought the point was for us to save him." She stated it as a far-gone conclusion even though she felt none of the confidence it should have provided.

"Please Buffy let's not kid ourselves we're in way over our heads. I know I didn't get that at first. So don't pretend everything is going to work out okay. I need to be sure he's going to be all right. Nothing else matters to me."

The look in his eyes brought a fleeting memory to Buffy. Not a particularly good memory but one that touched her deeply. It was when they were still fighting Glory just after Giles had made the wonderful connection between Dawn and the portal. She had gotten the same look in her eyes she knew when she had told him that there was no way world ending or not that she was going to kill her own sister. A look of pure hard determination, a look that basically said fuck the rest of the world this one and only one person is what makes the universe exist anyway so without them you all are a bunch of useless pieces of shit and who the hell cares about you anyway. She understood that feeling more so then anyone should ever have to.

"I understand. What do you want us to do?"

"Just if they need to leave don't stand in their way. We haven't got a choice about what's going to happen today but they still do. I want them to be able to make that decision without lying to them anymore." His head hung in a silent admission of defeat at his own words.

She didn't have a response to that and waited while he pressed the door open button so they could walk out.

Standing in front of them she watched Angel nervously finger the cube in his hands. He was stalling and it was past the point for such a luxury. Clearing her throat she gave him a look that simply said I'm here for you but get on with it already.

"Angel what's going on?" Fred sounded as confused as Buffy felt about this whole god forsaken mess.

"I just want you guys to remember one thing. No matter what is going to happen you all mean something to me. I know I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get to know but-"

"Poofter." The mumbled word earned a death glare from the broody vamp and a smack in the chest from her.

"I care about all of you." He managed to finish.

"The sentiment is certainly shared Angelkins but-" Lorne didn't get to finish his sentence before the cube met with the floor and shattered into a million bright points of light.

There was a pause in the room as the others grabbed their heads in unison. The sight made Buffy look critically at Angel and she noticed that Spike did too.

"I'm hurt Angelus I'm family and you didn't tell me?" His mocking tone was a bit much for her to handle.

"Shut up Spike."

"You-" They turned at the sound of Wesley's voice. The words sounded choked and his hand was covering his throat.

The look in Wesley's eyes scared her a bit. The darkness she could see swirling with a distance and despair she could only think of as a cross of what she felt when she had come back from heaven and the look in Willow's eyes when she had gone to the bad Willow place was a little frightening in its intensity.

Her gaze traveled across the others faces and she noted that Wesley while was the most severe they weren't spared with the pain and bitterness.

Apparently there was nothing to say and the room fell to silence once more and while Buffy was sympathetic to the pain they were suffering she had the realization that Connor was running out of time for a rescue.

"I'm going." She stated simply. "Wes I'm going to need that dagger. Angel I'll need you to show me how to get down there." She took the dagger from Wesley's hand and slipped it neatly into her boot. She took a second to glance back at Angel. "Don't forget that crystal thingy."

Four steps and she would be out of the office and headed for the elevator to go down stairs. Four steps that would lead her from the group of people in this office to fight for her life in solitude. Four steps that would start the end of a journey she was never sure she wanted to be on.

The three of them had ridden in the elevator in silence lost no doubt in their own thoughts. Buffy fought with the urge to dwell on the events that had just happened or on the things she knew were about to. Instead she tried to just let her impatience build at the impending fight. It was something familiar and the contradiction in what she should feel before going in guns blazing so to speak and this wealth of peace it brought her was strange but not terrifying.

At least it was familiar because getting ready to go into a major fight with her ex boyfriend and the man she was in love with not low on the wig scale. She glanced quickly from one to the other taking in their similar expressions both jaws clenched in determination both set of eyes hard at the thought of the battle to come. It would kill them she knew if she ever brought something like that up so wisely she kept it to herself.

As they reached their destination and stepped into the empty corridor she looked at Spike. He seemed to stare off to the right head tilted up at an angle as if he was scenting the air. Which she realized he probably was. Taking a quick peek at Angel she noticed him doing the same and read the tension in his muscles. So they weren't alone down here. Well that wasn't much of a surprise.

Taking a step out in front of them she swung her head back and forth letting her inner Slayer sense stretch out into the room. She only received the familiar vampire tingle she'd come to associate with the two next to her.

"We know you're here just come out already so we can get this over with." Her hand made it's way to her hip her voice echoing off the walls.

Her eyes focused on a figure that moved just out of her range of sight in the shadows. Rolling her shoulders a bit in anticipation she followed the movements as they settled just a few yards ahead of them.

She wanted to let out a groan as Marcus stepped into the light and faced them.

"Don't you have anything better to do then hang out down here in the basement?"

He didn't look to amused or happy to see them for that matter. Well her anyway he barely spared the two men a glance instead his eyes just focused on her.

"Really Buffy I'm a little disappointed. I thought we had an agreement."

"Right now I'm thinking you being disappointed in me not such a big deal." She took another step forward. "Besides who said that I wasn't still going to meet with them?"

His own step forward shortened the distance between them again. "You're being very foolish."

She shrugged her shoulders. "That a fact?" One more step forward and now they were only separated by ten feet or so.

"Do you know the opportunity you're throwing away?"

"Pffft. You really think I'm gonna be tempted to work with these guys? Do you even know what a Slayer is?" The glare she gave him was filled with disbelief and disgust.

He took another step closer to her. "It's not too far fetched is it? Slayers have given in to the dark part of their nature in the past. After all when it all comes down to it the Slayer is just a human girl. Even one as charming as yourself."

This time she let all the fury she felt at this slime bag come right to the surface.

"You know if I had a nickel for every time I heard that well lets just say I'd have a lot of nickels. I swear I think you guys should hire some writers to come up with some original material." She took one last step towards him. "Now can we get on with this?"

She didn't wait for his answer as she threw a punch to his face connecting squarely with his nose.

The lack of reaction she got from him was a little disturbing to say the least. A slow grin spread across his lips full of well just plain evil. So evil that she could feel a little shudder pass through her. Centering herself she tried again this time sending a kick to his mid section followed by a right to his jaw.

When he just straightened his jacket and rubbed his jaw she felt her stomach tighten. Stealing a quick glance behind her she took in the disbelief on the faces back there.

"Um guys suggestions would be nice."

They fell into step next to her and together they each moved in on the scumbag. She managed to land a series of jabs to his face before his fist met with her nose staggering her backwards. Then Angel closed with him only able to squeeze in one punch before he was tossed unceremoniously back to almost the elevator. She forced her way back to Spike's side in time to witness him being kicked against the right wall his body making a lasting impression on it. Facing him again she pivoted and brought a foot up to connect with the middle of his chest. This time she used enough strength to get him to stagger backwards a few steps.

She closed in again this time taking her fist and sending it just underneath his chin whipping his head backwards. Her reward was a small chuckle. This time he charged and she retreated quickly blocking his blows.

This time she saw a black blur out of the corner of her eye before it and Marcus were sent tumbling to the ground. She followed them with her eyes and watched as with a small twist Hamilton put his feet against Spike's chest and tossed him to the far side of the room.

The suit was already on his feet by the time she blinked as Angel let out a roar and rushed him. He was stopped by a fist to his temple before falling to the floor. She stepped in and launched her fist at him. This time he caught it and twisted her arm behind her bringing the back of her body up against him.

His hold on her stopped Spike dead in his stride hands dropping to his sides. To her right a little she could see Angel shaking his head and making his way to his feet.

"I don't think any of you has a real grasp on the situation." His breath trickled next to her ear. She flinched as his grasp changed and he pulled on her arm tighter.

"Really then why don't you clue us in?"

He clucked his tongue at her. "Buffy the purpose of all this should be clear. The three of you pose a very serious threat and the Partners and they don't like threats."

"And they thought what that we'd all just roll over and go along with whatever they plan?" She kept her eyes trained on Spike watching the concern flash through his eyes.

His laugh grated on her. "No far from it. You and your pet over there were quite the surprise. No they were truly only concerned with Angel."

"Let. Her. Go." She could see the hard clench of Spike's jaw.

"You may want to follow his advice. He's not known for playing nice with others." Angel was eyeing the other man looking for a weakness as far as she could tell.

Hamilton chose to ignore them.

"But you both had to step in. They made allowances for Spike of course it was easy enough to hold his interest especially during the whole Lindsey debacle. The Partners couldn't have been to mad at him considering how much work he saved them. It was almost like contract work." She felt his weight shift behind her as his free hand rested on the back of her neck. "You my dear well you’re a whole different set of complicated aren't you?"

She gave a shrug well as much as she could considering the position she was in.

"It's what I do."

"Indeed." Spike began to take a shuffling step forward. "Now I don't think you want to do that." His grip on her neck began to tighten and she had to hold in the gasp that was half pain and half surprise at his strength.

Like he could sense it Spike's step stopped.

"The question is what do you do about a girl like you?" She couldn't see his face but she had no doubt about the leer that was there now. "Originally the Partners were just going to meet with you and show you how useless your interference would be. However I took the opportunity to further my own agenda a bit."

She groaned. "Don't tell me."

"My agreement with them gives me carte blanche concerning you. A certain bonus if you will for killing you myself. I have yet to see the fun in that act alone however."

Yep just like she figured and the hate simmering in the blue eyes in front of her was not going to go out any time soon.

"What makes you so certain you'll ever get the chance?" Her voice dripped with venom and stood in sharp contrast with the even tone of his.

"None of you understands just what you are facing."

"Then why don't you enlighten us?" The huff in Angel's voice was clear.

"I am the liaison for the Senior Partners." When they failed to respond she heard a sigh pass from his lips. "You can't win. The Senior Partners are part of what I am. I am as immortal as they are. The blood of each of them runs through my veins and makes me more powerful then you can even imagine."

Buffy let out a giggle she couldn't help it. "God stuck on yourself much? Don't you realize the problem with what you just said?"

"What are you talking about?"

With his question she rammed her head back into his face her blow causing him to drop his hold on her. Stepping away and turning she gave him a small smile.

"Talking about blood with two very angry, very deadly vampires in the room? Not high on the smart scale."

She didn't need to look at either of them to know that they were already vamped as they approached Hamilton in a blur of motion. Both of them had a side of his neck faster then she could blink.

After a few seconds Hamilton had managed to throw both of them off but she could see the blood trickling down his dress shirt and knew the damage had already been done.

"Bloody hell you taste terrible." Spike stated as he circled Hamilton the opposite of Angel.

As they crossed paths a small smile passed between them and they launched themselves at the suited man. The blows came faster then Buffy's eyes could follow. Trying to make what was happening out she just watched as Hamilton began to move back and then staggered and fell to one knee. Moving in faster then even vampiric speed allowed Spike grabbed the man's head while Angel grabbed his torso and they twisted away from each other.

When they both stood up Spike still panting with exertion which she always found endearing she tapped her foot.

"Can I just say ewww?"

The small grin she got from the platinum blonde made her give one in return.

"Alright pet?"

"Just peachy on this side of keen. Ready?"

With a slight nod they moved into the next room.

Standing just inside of the open doorway Buffy fought down the surge of panic in her veins. Her eyes flit around the room not settling on any one thing but taking in the whole room. She felt a small tremble as the recognition flooded her brain and struggled to keep it down. Sucking in a deep breath she held it for a moment before letting it go slowly.

While she concentrated on her deja vu Angel had moved up the stairs to the control panel.

As the tank like structure moved up in the center of the room she took a deep breath. Feeling eyes on her she turned her head to see Spike studying her intently.

She gave him a small smile before turning her eyes away and fixating on the container that was now completely raised. Her eyes could make out the shadow of whatever strange creature the Partners had conjured made its way around the swirling vortex. Judging size was almost impossible in the warped image but whatever it was it wasn't small. It moved with a fluidity and grace her slayer senses screamed was every bit as deadly as she guessed.

There was a series of loud pings that she surmised led to the beginning of the top of the tube opening. Glancing to the side she could see Angel make his way down the set of stairs.

"Um Angel this thing? It's supposed to be designed to kill you right?"

"That's what Lindsey said."

The top started to slide open.

"Then I'm thinking you might want to wait out in the other room." As the last syllable fell on her ears the newt like head of the thing peeked out staring directly at Angel.

As the hand of the, whatever the thing was popped out she could see Angel back slowly to the door. Then he just seemed to stop. A second hand appeared and she cast a nervous glance in his direction.

"Uhh Angel?"

Whatever this thing was it was slimy in appearance and a dark green color. Its large eyes never strayed from Angel's form, as it seemed to pull itself up.

"Angel?" She asked him again and tore her gaze from the amphibian like creature back to him.

"Small problem."

"Not now. Now is not a good time for a problem." She gestured to the creature that was now more then halfway out of the tank.

"The door it's locked." There was definitely no tone of happiness in his voice.

"You got an idea about this thing pet?" Spike seemed to only concentrate on the thing entering the room with them.

She took her eyes off Angel and looked back at the thing which she had a name for maybe something like salamander.
Its leg was now on the outside of the tank and in just a few milliseconds it would be fully exposed.

"Nope I got nothing. How bout you?" Asking was stupid of course none of them had a plan and well neither her nor Spike were known for plotting.

"Sorry."

"That's what I thought. So we jump right in as usual. Angel you better stay behind us." She tossed the last words of her shoulder as newt boy jumped to the ground.

Her eyes took in creature as it straightened to its full height. Tall it must have been around six foot five and broadly muscular. Buffy noticed the slime thing seemed to cover the whole body and its sharp eyes never ever left Angel.

She glanced at Spike as he finished sizing the thing up and gave him a curious tilt of her head.

"So you want to go first?"

His eyes seemed to travel over the creature’s form and then back to her.

"I'll give it a go."

As he approached the newt for lack of a better term she realized the very critical mistake they had made. There was little of the room left with the thing in its center. Little room for them to maneuver or to block the thing from getting to Angel. Why hadn't they thought of leaving the door open? Her glance went from Spike and back to Angel. Well that kind of answered her question.

During the like five steps it took for Spike to reach the new creature it hadn't moved or reacted to his proximity. It stood almost patiently its eyes looked on Angel it's nostrils flaring slightly as it took in and expelled air. Catching his slight movement out of the corner of her eye she let out a small gasp as the creature jumped in reaction. It took a lumbering step forward before Angel halted his movement.

"Don't move." She hissed towards him her eyes now trained on the blond as he started to swing a punch at the newt.

Fist connecting it seemed to sink into the slime along the creatures hide before connecting with its jaw. Apparently that was enough to get its attention because its lips seemed to draw back exposing a set of teeth reminiscent of Jaws. That really couldn't be good. But even then its eyes swiveled back to the man behind her.

It's jaws clashing together Spike had to jump out of the way as the head unexpectedly swiped at him. Once distance was reestablished between them the creature seemed to ignore that Spike was still there. She had never seen something with such a singular focus as this thing and hoped that it was a magical trait.

"Spike." It was a half whisper half urgent call only loud enough for him to hear her and understand her need to be heard.

His eyes instantly found hers questioning silently.

Slowly drawing the dagger out of her boot she flicked her eyes from it to the creature and back to Spike. When his brow furrowed she suppressed the sigh that threatened to bubble out of her chest. This time she gestured with the dagger to the creature making stabbing motions reminiscent of Anthony Perkins.

At this he quirked an eyebrow at her and she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. Right now was not the time for him to be his annoying snarky self.

Unfortunately the delay between them left Angel too much time left to his own devices. Feeling a little secure about the lack of movement from the slimy amphibian he took a full step to his right and away from Buffy.

Newt boy was not amused. The reaction was almost instantaneous as it lunged forward anticipating Angel's move. Taking stock of the dagger sitting in her hand and seeing the distance between the creature and Angel disappear she flipped it in her hand joggled it for the weight and threw it.

Each move was made in fractions of a second just long enough for the thing to be just abreast of its goal before her aim proved true and the dagger entered its eye. It staggered back letting loose with an ear piercing shriek. Momentarily distracted from its prey Spike took the advantage and jumped on the creatures back.

Not the wisest move the vampire had ever made and just short of effective as he slipped and slid along the slimy creature. Only the grip he had around the things neck kept him in place and he was struggling with that she could tell.

"Spike will you stop goofing around already?" She was hesitant to give up her place since it still partially blocked the view of Angel to the already enraged creature but she really wanted to get that dagger back and finish this fight.

"Ha ha Slayer. You just gonna stand there?"

She let out a sigh. Why did she always have to finish these things? Oh yeah right Slayer, Chosen One, destiny, and yada yada yada.

"Angel when I tell you I want you to run back up the steps." Her gaze was concentrated on the duo spinning round in circles in front of them so she failed to notice the stunned expression on his face.

"What?" She could sense him shaking his head repeatedly. "Have you seen the way that thing reacts when I move?"

"I need the distraction. Besides you got that whole vampire speed thing should be a piece of cake."

"I don't think this is such a good idea Buffy."

"Stop being such a bloody poof and do what the lady says!" How he was managing to form a complete sentence was beyond her with all the spinning.

"Will you get down from there already? As soon as he moves we'll rush it together."

She could hear Angel grumbling behind her but she couldn't make out the words. It really didn't matter though as she watched Spike choose that moment to let his grip around the things neck go and went sailing against the railing on the stairs.

"Graceful I'll give it a six." She couldn't help the smirk that graced her lips.

Behind her she could hear a steady chuckle.

Now he was mumbling something about unfunny poofters and teasing bints, which she couldn't quite make out as he got to his feet. She took in the sight of him and bit back a series of laughs that threatened to overwhelm her.

From the top of his blond curls to the tip of the Doc's on his feet Spike was dripping in slime. She so wanted to comment but thought better of the idea when she took in the look of the creature’s one good eye.

"Okay Angel now!"

As he turned from behind her and made his way to the stairs Buffy and Spike rushed forward. Spike grabbed the creature around the middle keeping it from advancing towards Angel. She quickly slid the dagger out of its eye and jumped back to avoid its jaws. Sidestepping its hand snaking towards her she ducked and dragged the blade across its throat. Seeing her make the deep cut Spike let go of the thing and grabbed for the back of its head. She dodged another swing of its arm and went back over the same cut this time sinking it even deeper in its throat. For good measure she turned and sunk the dagger into the heart of the creature.

When it started to slide to the floor she took in the sight of the blond before her and had to let out a laugh. He didn't seem to appreciate it as he crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his eyebrow at her in response.

She just gave him a shrug and walked up the steps to the platform where Angel was without seeing if he was following her.

The three of them stood at the top of the platform staring into the swirling vortex incased just below them. The fun lighthearted atmosphere was gone now replaced by this little feeling of awe and fear. Not that the two next to her would admit to that but it was there anyway.

Bringing her head up she took a look at the two of them.

They were deep in thought and she was sure the same look of deep reflection was on her face. Here they stood maybe a step away from going into a portal that would take them into whatever dimensions the Partners call home. It was something that was a bit much to take in all at once.

Not that it was what she was thinking of, well at least not in the same way they were. This last step into a sort of abyss was the last step she would take before facing the thing in her nightmares. So for her this was some of the last minutes she knew she would get to spend with the men at her side. She wished that she hadn't been such a coward before and had talked to her friends letting them know that she had forgiven them. Wished for the chance to make sure they knew that she loved them.

It was too late now and she understood that. Whatever fate had in mind when it set up this little shindig was about to play out. Funny that she was sort of okay with that. Not that she relished the fact that she might die or who was she kidding that she was going to die, but she had been fate's plaything long enough that she understood some things couldn't be changed. The only thing was sometimes fate messed with the rules a little. It was something that gave her a little hope.

But staring into a portal of energy that she had to jump into? Not helping. Too many not so nice memories associated with that thank you very much.

Taking another glance at the two of them she felt an impulse and for once went with it. Reaching out with her hands she took one of theirs in hers. Brown and blue questioning eyes swiveled to meet hers and she just gave them a small smile. There was no way she could voice what she was feeling and in her mind she asked whoever was in charge up there that they understand just how much they meant to her.

Letting their hands go she took a small step forward closing her eyes to work up the nerve to make a jump so similar to one she made before. The first time she had done it with a clear conscience secure in her knowledge that everyone she loved knew she loved them in return and that they would be alright without her. It had been her time and her calling to leave them at that point. Now she was faced with the same fate without the same clear thoughts. This time the thought brought her no sense of peace no sense of completion at what they demanded from her. There were so many things she had yet to do many of which involved a certain blond menace by her side.

Fighting off the urge to shake her head at her unproductive thoughts she opened her eyes once more. Pushing back with her right foot she could feel the cold steel of the dagger and knew that in a few moments her course would change again. It was time she made peace with that.

Not looking back she jumped forward and into the portal.

********

Tumbling out of the portal she rolled to her feet across the earthen floor. She glanced around quickly taking in the bareness of the cavern seeing only the faint illumination of the few torches along its walls. Ahead of her was a narrow passage.

Only one direction to go then. She waited a few more seconds for the others to join her but nothing came except the silence. Here she was in another dimension alone, it wasn't the most comforting thought she'd had. They would be there eventually she knew so there really was no point in just standing around waiting for them to show up.

Following the torches she walked down the narrow passage slowly listening carefully for any movement. It was still deathly silent apart from the muffled thunk of her footsteps. After a few yards she could make out the end of the passage a soft light entered from the room and as she made her way closer she could feel a slight tingling that made the hair on the back of her neck stand straight up. Something probably not nice was in that room.

Stopping in the shadows near the entrance of the next cavern she reached into her boot to pull out the dagger. There was a gut instinct that told her that whatever she was facing in this room was the last obstacle before they had a chance at the Senior Partners and hopefully where they were holding Connor. She was certain of it in fact. Feeling comforted by the weight of the dagger in her hand she finally stepped into the room.

Her eyes scanned quickly searching for things hidden in the darkness. Most of the cavern was just like the first one empty and lit with a few torches along the walls. But this room made her stomach flip flop with the familiarity of it. Well just not the room considering what was in the center. Easily a demon tall, very muscular, very red, with four arms and two swords. In the center of its chest were the markings that Wesley had told her were a binding spell.

The demons nostrils flared scenting her approach no doubt since she had entered the passage. Its dark eyes followed her steps as she moved forward her fingers tightening around the dagger. She stopped leaving maybe fifteen feet between them neither moving as they gazed at the other. There was a strange calm that seemed to take over her as she watched the demon size her up that she thought odd. Here facing this thing that in many torturous nightmares had caused an unending series of deaths and yet there was no fear. No sense of foreboding that she expected.

Then as if by mutual signal their dance began. Both beings circled neither moving forward just orbiting around the other waiting for the first move.

It broke first and lunged towards her. She began to lose herself in the steady rhythm of the fight punch kick spin duck dodge. Each move was matched evenly making the moves flow from one being to the other. Time lost all meaning and she had no idea how long they continued to twirl around each other. In fact it was so fluid that her mind began to wander her body taking the clues from the demons movements without any thought.

She thought about the way she had dreaded this moment and concentrated on the dream. The deciding factor she had thought was the distraction that she had experienced when Spike had entered the room. But with the way they were fighting now she knew that Satan himself could walk in and she would be able to match the demon's moves. So that really wasn't what her dream had been telling her. Her mind skimmed over the other factors in the dream it was the same cavern that she was sure of and yes the demon was exactly what she had seen in her mind's eye. Eyes traveling to her hand she took in the dagger again. It was the same dagger she knew it, had known it in Angel's office by the feeling it gave her in the pit of her stomach. So maybe it was something about the dagger. She tried to concentrate on the things that Wesley had told them about it. Created in the blood of a true warrior used to cleanse the original demons from the earth. That could mean that the dagger was intended to take out the Senior Partners they had been around a long time maybe they were part of the original set.

That kind of made sense to her and she almost nodded as she ducked another punch. Rolling from the blade of the demons sword she tried to recall what else he had said. It was something important she knew it was tickling the back of her mind. Blood was important of course it was Spike had said so years ago it was always about the blood. But she was still lacking a detail and it would very soon drive her mad.

This thought was enough to distract her into miscalculating a step and the demon's sword cut along her left arm not deep but just enough for her to feel the pain and to bleed a little. Thinking maybe it would be better to concentrate on the fight she let her mind slip back into battle mode. They continued to move together in a deadly dance that both had perfected the steps for.

A punch followed by the jab of the dagger, spin, crouch, sweep out its legs, the moves kept coming but that little niggling in her brain refused to let up and she once again looked at the metal in her hands.

What had he said in Angel's office blood warrior pure what other word was it? The words circled around in her mind chanting over and over. What was the missing link what was the other word?

Seconds passed maybe minutes; it just as easily could have been years as her brain chased itself in a dizzying circle.

As she flipped to the side of the demon and kicked out with her foot sending it backwards the word came to her.

Sacrifice.

Oh that word. No good could come of that word.

It was too fucked up not even her life could be that screwed could it?

She released a sigh she had no idea she had been holding. But of course it could. Her life was the definition of fucked up.

Her mind which had seen one too many cryptic messages began to piece together a puzzle she now wished she could never put together.

A pure warrior whose blood was sacrificed.

A warrior or Champion like Whistler mentioned who had elevated themselves to where the Powers that Be determined they had nothing left to prove.

Someone like her.

Oh irony was a royal bitch.

The dagger was a tool that needed to be used with some kind of power that the sacrifice of her blood would unlock. She was the key.

Not funny in the least.

Moving in this cavern fighting against this whatever demon while the sound of their blows echoed around them she understood all the events since that night that she had been kicked out of her house. It all led to this.

Guess jumping into portals did only equal in ones own death.

So was this her only choice wasn't their another way?

The answer came to her quickly.

No.

There really wasn't because they had been showing her the way the whole time.

Her death.

The sacrifice needed for them to shut down the evil the Senior Partners were plotting.

The sacrifice needed to save Angel's son.

Was it so different from when she jumped to save her own sister's life, to save the world by closing Glory's portal?

No.

It was her calling the thing she had been born to do. Because death was her gift. The one gift she could give to the world to save it.

The sound of footsteps told her that they had finally made it into the cavern.

Oh God. Spike.

The thought brought a flash of pain because she knew seeing her die again, would be like killing him herself.

And even though her mind was now clear and she understood what her little role was in this her heart was heavy with that knowledge.

In the dream she had been struck down by the demon's sword when he entered the room, not because he was a distraction. But because he would stop her if he knew.

She could feel him there tensing to join in on the fight and felt the time slip through her fingers.

Just so damn sorry.

Dropping her arm with the dagger she took a step forward.

Without missing a beat the demon sank the sword into her chest and raked it downward shooting white-hot pain through her body.

Gasping she slid to the floor. Well her dreams had told her the truth this hurt worse then anything she had ever experienced.

He was over her in a second his eyes filled with a pain she had promised to both of them she would never put there again. A promise her last act had broken.

"Buffy." One of his hands was caressing her face and she felt the other putting pressure on part of the wound. It was too big for him to effectively stop the bleeding this way but he didn't seem to notice.

"Spike I'm sorry."

"Oh pet please just hold on."

This time she didn't need to tell him how much it hurt there was no need.

"The dagger Spike use it some kind of power against them." She placed the dagger on her chest resting it along the gash in her body. Resting it in her blood.

He could only nod and she saw the tears in his eyes. She knew he could hear her labored breathing the steady decline of her heartbeat.

"Buffy." Her name was choked through his throat.

Reaching up she placed the palm of her hand against his cheek. She gazed into his eyes hoping that all the love she felt for him was there for him to see. To witness that the last thoughts she had on this earth were of him.

"I love you Spike." Her voice was reedy drawing air was increasingly difficult and it sapped more of her strength.

He was beyond words she could see it in his eyes and wished that she could whisk the pain away.

If wishes were horses.

"Remember your promise." He could only nod as he crouched closer to her as her voice turned to a whisper. "Love you always."

The light around her was dimming and she concentrated on those eyes in front of her. Eyes that even now tears were falling from dripping down from her like a shower from heaven. The proof of his love for her.

She drew in a small painful breath and felt her hand slide back down from his face while her vision swam and the darkness swept her away.

All encompassing darkness. Nothing not a glimmer not even a twinkle of light that would deliver her from a black that was impossible to describe. She had no sense of time, no presence of how long she was encased in the lack of all light.

But time didn't matter anymore did it?

It settled around her like the cloak of night. It was almost comforting. The night was what she understood best.

Such thoughts were fleeting though and soon like a pinpoint she saw it.

Light.

It was something that was drawing her in. A pull that she felt helpless to resist. Kind of like gravity.

The pinpoint grew and became a spot. The spot became wider and grew bigger as she felt closer to it.

Until she felt herself surrounded in the brightest light she had ever witnessed something she normally would shut her eyes against.

But that was all relative wasn't it?

The light bathed the area around her drawing her in with a feeling of warmth.

It was too clichéd for her to stomach.

"I know it's really been done to death."

"Now I know I'm not in heaven. Whistler can't you leave me alone?" The annoying demon was beside her looking as rumpled as always staring at her with she thought was a smirk.

"If only they'd let me." His eyes were cast upward beseeching a higher power no doubt.

With his presence the area around her shifted slightly and she could make out its room like structure. At least there were walls and the floor under her feet. The brightness dimmed just a bit more and now she could make out a white chair and a pool of water across from them.

She shrugged at his behavior and since she wasn't in a rush took a seat in the chair.

"All right what's the big deal?"

"Well you're dead."

She hoped he was getting the eye roll she was giving him. It would be such a waste if he weren’t.

"Can you say duh? Kind of got that. Do you have a point here?"

"Just stating a fact." He shrugged at her. "The only question now is what next?"

"Um hello? Dead here I don't think there is a next."

"Wrong sweetheart. I told you before all this started that the powers wanted to reward you."

"Some reward." She snorted.

"Well this isn't it. There were a few things they had to take care of first." He gestured to the pool. "You finished out your part in this and now look."

She didn't want to. It was hard enough blocking out the memories of her last few minutes enough so that she could talk. The pain was building inside of her so fast that she knew it would soon take her over. They may have granted her the escape of death but as long as she knew that he was down there without the same luxury her heart would continue to break.

The scene that she saw reflected in the pool was exactly as she had pictured it would be. Spike and Angel were fighting ferociously against three demons Spike fighting two while Angel battled one. Against another wall she could make out the body of a youngish man seemingly unconscious and chained up. It had to be Connor and for once she could at least take a little pride in the fact that she was right.

The two of them were almost a blur as they continued to fight the obviously older and stronger demons. Every hit they landed every kick that hit only seemed to bounce off them. As she watched she could see the flash of steel near Spike and could see the blood that went flying with each stab and slice.

"Are they going to be okay?" She didn't look away to engrossed in the fight before her.

"Of course they are. This is their destiny remember? They’re finally doing what they were meant to."

"And after this?"

"There will be something else."

"When does it all end?" She finally turned and looked at Whistler.

"The fight? It never does. You already know that. The only thing that changes is who is doing the fighting."

"And for them when will that be?" Her eyes drifted back to the pool watching as one of the demons seemed to sag to the ground.

"I don't have the answers to that." She felt him take a step closer to her. "You're still worried about them."

She gave him a look that clearly said duh.

"I've known them both for such a long time now. How can I not worry? You said that I was the only one of us that had finally proven myself and wasn't fighting with the whole redemption thing. How many years of fighting will they have to do just to make peace with what they've done before? If I had to go through this much what can you be expecting of two vampires who murdered for over a century? When will it all be enough?" She turned to face him again. "And now I've died again. How the hell is Spike supposed to learn to live with that? How is Angel supposed to learn to deal with it? When will the torment be enough to satisfy these guys?"

Stepping away from the pool she sighed. The fight was almost over now both of them were wailing on the last demon.

"Look if I had the answers I wouldn't be the messenger I would be up there running the show. I don't know what they thought they could expect from any of you. So much is left to chance the whole free will thing is a big kick of theirs. Leaves just enough room for doubt. You feel like your all just a bunch of play things for them and in a way you're right. This isn't their reality it's yours. To them sure the big cosmic joke thing is a hoot in a half. So no I don't know the answer. Maybe no one really does."

"No I guess they don't. And it would have been nice to actually have a choice with my little death scene there. Free will my ass. You show me where I could have made another decision and have it work out."

"That's the thing you could have chosen not to have things work out. To sacrifice Angel's son to the fact that you wanted to live. But you didn't. You could have done any number of things but that was the choice you made."

"Forgive me if I'm not really convinced. Why are we here any way? Are you just here to chat with me before I move on or is this some form of torture?"

"I told you they wanted to reward you."

"I really don't understand you. I thought restoring my soul and closing the hellmouth were my reward."

"Nope just a means to an end. You couldn't have released the power in the dagger without having your soul restored and well they thought closing that hellmouth was long overdue. I mean how many times has it almost been opened? It was just getting annoying. Besides there are still five more out there."

"Great to know that they could have just sealed it anytime." She gave him a glare that told him how frustrated she was with the whole thing.

"No not anytime just this time. They wanted you to have the chance you did with Spike. Originally they thought the two of you would get more then two good weeks together. The Senior Partners were the ones that did the screwing with there."

"So what is it then?"

"Another choice."

"FUCK!" She threw her hands into the air and paced away from him. "Do you know how sick and tired I am of all this? All of it? What the hell have I got to do to have just a little peace? Every time I think I finally found it be it in heaven or on earth someone comes by and destroys it. I can't take any more." Her voice had died down to a whisper and she was pretty sure there were tears falling from her eyes.

"Don't you think you should hear what you’re going to be choosing from first?" He gave her a sympathetic smile. "I told you this is a reward. Buck up already. Choice number one you can move on from here go back to heaven with the knowledge that everyone you care about will be all right with the exception of the three other warriors. They of course have their destinies to follow. Or you can choose door number two."

"And I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Simple we send you back. You get to live out the rest of your life in the manner in which you see fit. The only difference would be that they would no longer expect you to be the Chosen One any more. You get to keep all the extra Slayer bonuses but you won't be tied to that obligation any longer. That's Faith's job now."

"What's the catch?" At his disbelieving look she rolled her eyes. "There's always a catch."

"No not this time. The choice is as straight forward as that. Live again or go to heaven. Period."

"Why do I have a hard time believing that?" She walked over to one of the chairs and sat down.

He didn't give her the dignity of a response.

"How long do I have before I decide?"

"Actually you need to make the choice in the next few minutes."

"No pressure huh?" Her sarcasm lacked its usual bite as she rose distracted to walk back to the pool.

Her eyes fixed on the tableau in front of her. Angel was unchaining Connor and lowering him to the floor of the cavern as she watched Spike finally finished with the fight sink to his knees as sobs shook his thin frame. Her heart lurched in her chest, if indeed it was still there in this spirit plane; feeling like someone was trying to rip it out.

His pain was almost something she could reach out and touch, something that was almost visible pouring of his body in waves. His hands were covering his face now and she could only let her tears fall as she watched Angel place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.

The contact seemed to startle him and he looked up at Angel the anguish etched into his beautiful features.

Her decision was already made maybe before she even had the choice.

**********

Everything was dark again not the complete and utter blackness of before but dark nonetheless. A sudden series of sensations slammed into her.

First was pain, deep searing pain of the like she would never like to feel again. Then a burning in her chest as she suddenly had the notion that she had not taken a needed breath in a while. It took a second for her mind to convince the muscles to function accordingly and pull the oxygen in.

The cool air caused her throat to constrict and she started to cough. The jarring of her body caused the pain to deepen and her eyes finally opened only to squint at the bright light around her. Okay the light wasn't really bright but her eyes had been closed for a bit now and the light in the cavern was not her friend.

In the midst of all this she had the idea that she wasn't lying flat on the ground any more. Which when she thought about it was kind of odd. Forcing her eyes back open she tried to see what was going on around her.

"Take it easy Buffy. That's it slow even breaths."

The voice was soft but distinctly British.

Turning her head slightly she could finally see the rougher features of the new and improved Wesley. She was resting half in his lap her head elevated and she could feel his hands applying pressure to her sternum. Dear God was she still bleeding?

She opened her mouth to speak and could see the frown start to form on the mans face. Okay so no talking apparently.

Damn Whistler when he said they were just going to send her back couldn't they have at least healed the big slash she'd gotten from that sword. She really hated that stupid demon.

She took a slightly deeper breath cringing when the pain came with it.

"Spike?" She whispered his name.

"They haven't come back yet but I'm sure their fine." She didn't have the strength to tell him that she wasn't worried about the fight since she had seen it all. He didn't know that.

He seemed to be staring intently at her. She raised her eyebrow in question at least that way it wouldn't hurt.

There was a rumbling in the cavern the ground gave a soft pitch and roll. Buffy rolled her eyes this couldn't be good.

"We may have to get out of here."

She really wished it wouldn't hurt to talk because that sentence? Can we say understatement of the century? She just wished the others would hurry up.

As if in answer she could hear the sound of footsteps coming into the chamber. Well footsteps at first and then one set of feet thudding at a run toward her. She managed to turn her head in time to see Spike land on his knees in front of her.

"Buffy?" The tears in his eyes didn't hurt her nearly as much when there was such joy in his voice.

She pushed a small tight smile his way and lifted her hand enough to cover his.

No matter how much pain she was in she couldn't help but let out a genuine smile as his mouth flew over her face covering her in gentle butterfly kisses.

She couldn't even make out what he was saying he was shaking so much.

It was then that the cavern moved again. Apparently getting rid of the Senior Partners wasn't agreeing with this dimension.

"We've got to go now!" That was Angel and she had to agree.

She was lifted gently in Spike's arms and even though she knew that each step he took was going to be a new lesson in agony she couldn't think of a better place to be. Burying her head in his neck she held on tightly and gave a contented sigh before she passed out from the pain.

She'd chosen Heaven after all.

Her eyes blinked at the whiteness of the room around her and for a second her chest constricted thinking that it had been some kind of trick and she was back in that stupid room with that insufferable stupid demon.

Thankfully the beeping of the machines behind her shattered that thought in just a second. She took in the feel of the cool sheets around her and gave an experimental little stretch. There was still a lot of pain in her chest but it felt like it was healing okay.

The sound of voices drifted in to her from outside of the room.

"Miraculous really. The doctors said that any normal person would have been dead just from the blood loss alone."

Wesley's Watcher voice that brought back some memories.

"She was dead Wes. Spike and I heard her heart stop."

"Be that as it may Angel the point is she's alive now and seems to be recovering rather speedily."

"But what happened down there?" The slight twang in the light voice identified it easily enough as Fred to her.

"Not much actually. Big fight with big demons then we kill them."

Her eyes wandered the room letting the sounds of their conversation turn into a low drone in the back of her mind. Now that her eyes were focused she could see the brightness of the room was more due to the awful florescent lights that were overhead then the actual color around her. How anyone would be able to sleep with that much light was beyond her.

She dismissed the plain beige of the walls and the small counter that lined one side of the room where a single small flower arrangement of daisies sat. She wondered briefly who they were from before turning her head to take in the chair near the side of the bed.

Apparently the over use of light didn't seem to bother some people.

Spike was sitting in the chair fast asleep his head resting on her bed, which couldn't be exactly comfortable. She couldn't resist letting her fingers run through the soft curls of his hair. If possible his features seemed to relax even further and settle deeper into sleep.

She felt a grin spread on her lips at the sight of the man she loved. Just as always when she needed him here he was by her side. He was her reward. One that she wouldn't take lightly and she could only hope in whatever time she was allowed to remain with him that he knew that every second.

The peace in the room seemed to evaporate as Angel walked into the room.

"Buffy?"

She lifted her hand and brought her fingers to her mouth in a shushing gesture.

The sad smile that Angel gave her spoke volumes as he nodded his head in agreement.

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay." His voice was a whisper now he didn't want to wake Spike either.

The last two days had been rough on the peroxide blond. Between watching Buffy die fighting the senior partners finding Buffy alive again and waiting for the last fourteen hours for her to get through surgery and wake up well he had little time to rest from the emotional roller coaster that he'd been on. Through it all Angel had kept a worried eye on his errant childe.

With Buffy now so obviously on the mend he couldn't help a sigh of relief. Not only for himself but for him too. The love the two of them felt for each other wasn't something he was capable of denying. Not anymore. Not when it was so obvious and especially not when it had almost been lost.

"I'm fine. You guys are gonna get me out of here right?"

"First thing in the morning. Wes is gonna bring a car around and pick the two of you up. I'll just let you guys rest." Angel began to back out of the room.

"Angel." Her soft call to him made him stop and turn his warm brown eyes to her. "What are you going to do now?"

The question hadn't even crossed his mind in the events up to and following the death of the foe that he had been fighting against for a good number of years. Now with everything settled and the return of the confidence of his friends in him even if it was slightly uneasy in the face of their regained memories allowed his thoughts to turn to the future. He was sure the Powers would continue to use him in any manner they saw fit and he was still accepting of that. He had chosen his own road of redemption after all and it was no stretch for him to continue on that path. It was just now he felt better knowing he wasn't the only one.

His eyes turned to the sleeping vampire and gave a soft smile. No he wasn't as alone as he used to be.

"We'll go back to the hotel. Reopen Angel Investigations. Continue to help the helpless."

Buffy gave him a tired but genuine smile.

"If you ever..."

"I know." He returned her smile before he left the room.

*******

She sat quietly in the car her eyes trained on the door to the house.

Two days of rest and she was fully recovered from her injuries. Now she sat in the car its tinted windows allowing the light from the setting sun to warm her gently and not catch her companion in a blaze of fire. They hadn't really spoken about what she had experienced not that she was keeping it from him but she could see the emotion in his face every time he looked at her. Like he was working around the lump of tears in his throat. He was still just trying to get used to the idea that she wasn't dead. Again.

She wasn't sure if he was ready to hear that he was still going to be a pawn of the Powers that Be. A Champion they would feel the need to test over and over again before he too was allowed the rewards they promised. If only to be free of their duties. She was definitely sure that he wasn't ready to hear that she had given up her second chance at heaven for him.

Catching the look in his blue eyes she was sure of it. It was too soon for him to know.

But that didn't mean she couldn't show him just what he meant to her. How much she loved him. Why he had been her choice.

She had no regrets. No forbidden wishes that she had lived or chosen differently. Not with him.

The thought that she was happy even sitting here in one of Angel's appropriated cars while they waited for the sun to finish setting before they went to the house brought a small smile to her face. No she didn't have any regrets.

The last two days had been filled with tender looks and touches that she would never thought the both of them capable of. Filled with tremendous amounts of love communicated through touch and feel through sound and taste. Neither willing to leave the side of the other for more then a few minutes at a time. He was being extra possessive of her afraid that the second she left his presence that she would just disappear. Similarly she was afraid for the first day that she would turn around and he would be snatched out of her grasp by the cruel beings that watched over their fate.

It didn't happen of course and she began to relax.

Spike on the other hand....

She turned to look at her vampire, her man, her friend, her lover, her mate. Because even if he had yet to claim her she could feel the inevitable as it drew near. And it pleased her to no end.

The soft look in his deep blue eyes made her smile and she placed her hand over his.

"Are you ready?" She couldn't help the slight note of nervousness in her voice for what they were about to do.

"Only if you are pet." His support was there she knew without it even being spoken.

"Spike?" At his look she sighed letting out the tension that had been building steadily in her body for the last half hour. "When we get done I want to go back to Cleveland."

They hadn't spoken about what would happen since she had gotten out of the hospital and she knew that he would be surprised. The widening of his eyes confirmed her guess easily.

"You want to..."

"Yeah I liked it there."

"But your mates..."

"Are getting on just fine without me." She tightened her fingers over their clasped hands. "But only if you want to go."

He cocked his head to the side trying to read her she was sure.

"Only if I...?"

He seemed in capable of finishing a sentence and if she hadn't wanted him to take the rather one-sided conversation seriously she would have giggled at his lack of verbage.

"Spike we started a new life together. I just want to get back to it." The light that she saw in his eyes warmed her already loving heart. "I love you."

She never got tired of saying those three words to him. Of course she was sure he never got tired of hearing them.

His hand caressed her cheek as his lips gently brushed against hers. A chaste kiss really but one that held the promise of more tomorrows surrounded in love. The kind of kiss every girl dreams of but so few ever get.

When they parted she stroked her hand softly over his. She let a teasing grin come out to play across her features.

"So was that a yes?"

"Oh god pet. If you didn't know it by know I'd follow you to the bloody ends of the earth."

As the last of the fading light slipped beyond the horizon she leaned over and kissed him gently.

"Just to Cleveland okay?"

He nodded his assent and she squared her shoulders as she reached for the door handle.

They walked up the front steps and onto the porch pausing before the familiar door. Standing side by side.

Through her own nervousness she could feel his unease and she reached out and took his hand in hers drawing him closer to her side. Satisfied she used her free hand to knock on the door.

The squeal that greeted them was sharp and piercing and one of the loveliest sounds she had ever heard.

"Hey Dawnie Merry Christmas."

And as they followed the excited teen into the house Buffy felt her happiness and contentment fill her. With the same look reflected back at her from the man by her side she was sure that no matter what life and upper beings had to throw at them in the future she would always have this.

She was okay with that.