“I wanna save the world.”

Can you believe this guy? All oozing sex appeal, jutting hips and wolfy smirk like he’s God’s gift, or something! As if! Satan’s gift maybe but I’m pretty sure the other side isn’t hanging any banners for him.

“Okay. You do remember you’re a vampire, right?”

And off he goes. Does he ever shut up? Like I care about what he has to say anyway. Evil dead thing! So not going to make I Love the 90s - 1998. . .especially with that hair.

“. . . see what I’m saying?”

Huh? “Uh, sort of?”

“Why don’t you put that stake down?”

Yeah, like that’s gonna happen! Do I look like I’m in the market for a bridge? Nasty bloodsucking fiend wants to have a powwow . . . don’t think that comes up very often. Does it ever? He’s probably just yanking my chain until he can catch me off guard. He’s gonna have to be pretty convincing when he explains why he’s calling this little confab.

I tell him so.

“I want Dru back. I want it like it was, before he came back. The way she acts around him. . ."

Oh gross! It’s time to get the hitting started. That’s my favorite part anyway. I call him pathetic and we’re off! Can you believe this guy? Giles is missing. Willow’s unconscious and possibly comatose. Kendra...oh Kendra! Who cares if Dru’s a big ho. Of course it bugs me that she’s being that big ho with my formerly souled former boyfriend but I’m above letting that bother me. Obviously taste in women comes with a soul. Who knew?

Spike is right, though. He’s all I’ve got and right now I need him.

~~~~~

Can’t believe I’m doing this. Sitting in the Slayer’s living room like I’ve come calling; waiting for the over protective parental unit to give me the third degree. Oh how the big bad has come down in the world.

She’s a comely one, though. Can see where the Slayer gets her looks. Not her moves, though. They’re pure predator. The way she fights. The way she walks. The way she dances. Swaying. . .Writhing. . .Thrusting. . .Glistening. . .Glowing. . .Eff. . .

Balls! Let’s hope the coat is pulled forward enough. Don’t wanna give Momma Slayer a coronary.

I’m gonna kill Dru for putting me through this. I’m making deals with the bloody Enemy for pity sake! That’s just wrong on levels I don’t wanna contemplate. After a hundred years you’d think I’d have earned a bit of respect. But no! Bloody Daddy shows up and a century of fidelity and trust is right out the window. Makes me wonder why I bother.

Why DO I bother?

It’s not as if Dru’s a font of deep meaningful conversation and solicitous companionship. On a good day she sounds like the dialog of a movie that’s been translated into Japanese and then back to English.

She needs me, though, or at least she did until precious Angelus showed up again. Doesn’t matter. She’s my destiny and I’m hers. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Right?

. . . Right?

~~~~~

As I hang up the phone, after saying goodbye to Xander, a wave of disorientation hits me and I have to stop and think before I can remember what comes next. I’ve been getting these feelings since the day after my birthday; the day I stole my lover’s soul and turned him evil. This can’t be happening. Sure, guys don’t call after sex but they don’t become psychotic, murderous, soulless, stalking, blood-sucking fiends. Not really. Maybe in movies or on a weird teenage television soap opera but it doesn’t happen to actual people.

Then again I wasn’t dating a people, was I?

It occurs to me that I left my mother with one of those blood-sucking fiends and I run into the living room intent on saving her. Another wave of disorientation threatens when I realize they’re having a conversation about Mom’s art gallery. I think my brain shuts down for a moment before I realize my mom’s asking me about Willow.

As I answer her I realize that if I don’t get this show on the road I’m gonna turn into a drooling lunatic so I concentrate on working out the details of my pact with Spike.

~~~~~

There aren’t enough words in the mother tongue to describe how much I hate this cursed wheelchair. It’s a symbol of my inability to defeat the Slayer; a tiny chit of a girl no bigger than my thumb. It helps to know that she killed Darla’s beloved Master but I always felt I was better than him, anyway. I’m certainly better than Dru’s Neanderthal Sire and look how bent she makes him. At least I’ve never fallen for a Slayer. That’s gotta be the worst. Being a vamp and knowing you’ve fallen in love with the bloody personification of wholesomeness, goodness and light. At times I almost feel sorry for the sod.

Well, maybe not.

“You cut him up you’ll never get your answers.”

I didn’t want to play this card so soon but Angelus has never been the patient sort. Dru will pull all the answers out of the Watchers head in less time than it will take me to grab a smoke and then what am I gonna do to stall the ceremony until the Slayer arrives. She better get here soon. Sure I can keep the Council boy alive, maybe not in one piece, but that’s no good if the world’s gone to hell in a basket full of kittens, now is it?

God he’s a mess.

There’s blood everywhere, the way he breathes makes it obvious that he’s got a few cracked ribs and I’m pretty sure his days as a concert pianist are over. I hope the Slayer doesn’t demand a discount for damaged goods. I know how he feels. I’ve been in his shoes more than I care to contemplate. Angelus considers himself an artist and artists need to practice, now don’t they?

Slayer better get here soon or we're all toast.

~~~~~

“What did you mean, "the sword isn't enough"?”

“You know, raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never gonna get the good stuff.”

“Tell me how to use it.”

“Angel's the key. His blood will open the door to Hell. Acathla opens his big mouth, creates the vortex, then only Angel's blood'll close it. One blow. Send 'em both back to hell. But I strongly suggest you get there before that happens. The faster you kill Angel, the easier it'll be for you. At least that’s the way it’s supposed to happen.”

“What do you mean by “supposed to” For a mysterious Hipster Nostradamus you sound awfully unsure of yourself. Gotta say, not all that impressed.”

“A wildcard’s been thrown into the mix. Everything was clearly gonna happen a certain way until just recently when the future suddenly got cloudy. That’s why I’m here, kid. To try to make sure everything goes according to plan.”

“Yeah, but whose plan?”

"Well now, that's the question, isn't it?"

Chapter 2

“Coming on kind of strong, don't you think? You're playing some deep odds here - do you really think you can take us all on?”

“No. I don’t.”

That’s when the really surprising thing happens. Spike jumps out of his chair and starts whaling on Angel with a poker from the fireplace. He said he would help me but I didn’t honestly believe him. All the way here I tried to figure out his angle and here he was being straight with me all along.

A vampire who keeps his word; how weird is that?

Angel goes down but I get tackled from behind by Minion-of-the-Week so I miss the second act of Whack-an-Angel. I’m ashamed to admit that I was still so surprised about Spike’s dependability that it took way too long to take Minion down. In the back of my mind I could hear Drusilla wailing the way only Psychotic Queens of the Dark can and I think Dru and Spike start to argue. By the time I dust my opponent and retrieve my weapon Angelus has his hands on the sword in the stone and I see it slide menacingly out of its chest.

Oh shit.

~~~~~

Can you believe this? Dru attacked me. ME! All for her precious Angelus. Spend a century being loving and caring. Put the wishes of the love of your life before your own. Take care of her when she’s sick and weak. Spend months researching ways to cure her and take on a Slayer in the process and the moment her daddy gets a bruise she turns on you like a scorpion.

That’s gratitude for ya.

” I don't want to hurt you, baby. . .” Except, I do a little. I’m right pissed I am! She pulled this shite all the time back in the day and it looks like nothing’s changed in the intervening 100 years. A body gets just a mite fed up, ya know?

The shot to her face makes everything seem a little better for a minute...

All of a sudden Dru lights up like Christmas morning and I actually hope, for a split second, that she’s come to her senses, but no. Angel’s got the sword free from the lungs of that hideous monstrosity and it looks like Armageddon ain’t all that far away.

I finally get a choke hold on Dru and it’s good night, Gracie.

~~~~~

”My boy Acathla’s about to wake up. You’re going to hell.”

Grandstand much? I say something appropriately witty to try to make my part of the fight look effortless; but it’s not. I don’t understand how Spike can love Dru so much he’d make a deal with me and keep it; while Angelus can’t love me at all. If it takes a soul to love then why does Spike love Dru?

Is it me?

Am I just unlovable?

The fight moves out into a small courtyard and the next thing I know Angel’s got me on my hands and knees up against a wall. My sword is long gone and it looks like the end for Buffy. Part of me doesn’t care anymore. It hurts too much. This is Angel for God’s sake! The love of my life; the ma. . .guy I trusted more than anything in the world. He’s really going to kill me.

~~~~~

”God, he’s going to kill her. . .”

Oh well. I shrug my shoulders and head towards the garage. I got what I came for, didn’t I? Suddenly visions of football and Passions and Buffalo wings and Buffy dancing wearing that tiny skirt and Buffy hitting me in the nose while her eyes flash with excitement and the sadness in Buffy’s face whenever she says the Poof’s name pass before my eyes and I realize that I’m not done here. I can’t just leave her. I don’t want the world to end and part of me doesn’t want Angelus to be the one to kill Buffy. She deserves better. Hell, I deserve better.

Sighing, I put Dru down against the wall and run out into the garden. Angelus has Buffy down and backed into a corner and his sword is drawn back to deliver the death blow.

A roar erupts from my chest as I throw myself at Angelus knocking him into the wall next to Buffy. My body presses him up against the concrete temporarily immobilizing him. He drops the sword as I grab his head and start smashing his face into the concrete.

God this feels good!

Suddenly the room erupts in energy. I feel static electricity shoot up my arms and I drop the poof to back away. Angelus starts to shake and his eyes light up as if his brain’s on fire. He slumps to the ground and I move to finish the job when a tiny body slams into me and throws me back into the mansion.

What the hell?

~~~~~

Oh my God! OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod! It’s Angel! He’s back! Willow must have tried the spell again from her hospital bed! He blinks dazedly; partly from the beating he just took from Spike (and what was that all about? Spike saving my life?) and partly from suddenly getting his soul back.

I grab his sword and help him to his feet. We enter the mansion through the sliding door I just pushed Spike through. He’s there, getting back to his feet and Dru is starting to come around against the far wall. My swords on the ground next to Acathla and there’s a wind building in the room. My heart freezes when I realize that the portal inside the statue is beginning to open.

“Buffy?” Angel is starting to get his bearings back and my throat constricts knowing what I have to do. “Buffy, what’s going on? I don’t remember. . .where are we?”

I try not to choke on my tears as I maneuver Angel towards Acathla. Spike’s there and as I start to ask him to get out of the way a wild shriek comes from behind me. I’m knocked off my feet as Dru rushes at Spike knocking Angel back towards the door. I realize she’s grabbed my sword and she’s aimed it for Spike’s chest.

~~~~~

Bloody hell that hurts! Dru’s pinned me to the statue and if the odd pulling feeling I’ve got in my chest means what I think it does then I’m in for a world of hurt.

“Dru darling? I think we need to take a break. . .”

She doesn’t really hear me in her hysteria. Doesn’t matter. Looks like the Big Bad’s going out with a bang.

I look towards the Slayer and I’m surprised to see she’s watching me with tears in her eyes. I’d have thought she’d be all over Peaches with the comfort and the warm welcome but it looks like she’s feeling bad for me. A rush of warmth sets in when I realize that Nancy Boy’s pretty gutted that he’s not got her attention.

“Don’t feel bad love. . .” I want to say more but it seems I’ve got no lungs left.

Bugger that for a lark! When’d everything go all pear shaped?

tbc

Chapter 3

Huh?

I thought Whistler said that only Angel’s blood could close the portal. How come Spike was able to do it? I don’t understand. What just happened?

Drusilla, who had slumped against Acathla the moment Spike disappeared, started a keening wail. “Noooooooo! Daddy’s in a gilded cage and my Spike’s gone to define pain and suffering. Who will take care of poor Princess? I’m alone . . . all alone!”

Wow. Self involved much? You just sent your boyfriend to hell and you’re worried about being lonely? Unbidden Spike’s expression at the moment Acathla closed comes to mind. He had been laughing like a maniacal eight year old and he stared into my eyes as if we were sharing a private joke. I don’t know why, but Spike’s death bothers me. He’d been helping. He saved my life! He didn’t deserve to get sucked into hell without a fighting chance.

“Buffy?” Angel’s voice breaks my reverie and I realize I’ve been quietly staring at Acathla for a while now. “Buffy, what’s going on?”

“Spike’s dead.” I don’t know what to think. I certainly don’t know how to feel. My emotions can’t switch directions that quickly and I find I’m still upset with Angel for Angelus’s actions.

“Dead . . . but that’s good, right?”

I turn to Angel, “He died helping me save the world from Angelus.”

“Buffy . . .”

I dust my hands off on my pants and pick up the remaining sword from the floor. I’m crying and I can’t seem to stop. I don’t even know who I’m crying for or why. “I can’t deal with this right now. I’ve got to figure out what to do with the rest of my homeless, wanted-by-the-police, expelled-from-high-school life. Meet me at the Library tomorrow at dusk, we’ll talk. And do something about her, will you.” I point at Dru who is still yowling and clawing blindly at the statue.



I have nowhere to go so it’s not surprising that I find myself outside of Giles’ house waiting for him to get home from the hospital. I feel horrible for running out on Angel. It’s not his fault he lost his soul. It’s mine. It’s just that so many things happened tonight that are confusing at best and life altering at worst. I need time to process it. I need time to try and understand.

“Buffy? Oh, thank heavens you’re alright!”

I must have fallen asleep sitting against the door. Giles is looming over me bandaged like a . . . guy . . . with a lot of bandages. Geez. I must really be tired. My enhanced powers of simile are waning. . . or is it metaphor? I never could get those two straight. No wonder I was expelled.

“My mom kicked me out.”

“Oh dear! Well, you are certainly welcome to stay here until we are able to smooth things out between yourself and your mother. Come on in and tell me what happened tonight. Can I assume Angelus has been taken care of?”

“If by taken care of you mean that his soul is back and he’ll be meeting us at the library tomorrow to give a full report then, yes. He’s been taken care of.”

I could see Giles strain not to pull his glasses off and clean them with his bandaged hand. I’m sure after everything that’s happened he’s not very happy that Angel is still among the not living but there’s been enough death tonight.



Intense light. Bright. Too bright.

It’s blazing through my closed eyelids so that all I can see is a red glow. My head is aching horribly but I can’t remember why. I open my eyes and there’s a brilliant overhead light bulb embedded in the ceiling. When I try to lift my head and look around pain shoots through the back of my skull and I whimper. I persevere and when I’m finally able to turn my head I see a room made up of three white walls and one glass wall with a sliding door which is currently closed. I feel a rush of anger. Damned Slayer!

Huh? I’m the Slayer. With that thought everything blurs and I’m in Giles bathroom. Spike’s chained in the tub for some weird reason. Kinky. I can see he’s pretty chapped. If I were in his position I’d be pissed off too so I guess it’s understandable. I lean forward and hear someone who sounds surprisingly like me say “Ooh... look at my poor neck, all bare and tender and delicious...” There’s a flood of warmth in my gut at the look of longing in Spike’s face. The voice that’s mine but not mine speaks again “All that blood just pumping away. . .” I can see Spike’s pants start to shift. Oh God! Gross! I am not attracted to Spike for cripes sake! Even if he does have beautiful eyes and a body to die for. God! Where did that thought come from? I start to back away and Spike looks at me. The real me, not the me that was speaking earlier, and tries to speak but all that comes from his lips is a sound like a dog’s bark before everything goes blurry again.

I’m in the Bronze dancing, except there’s no one on the dance floor but me. I can see Spike dangling from chains from the second floor balcony and Angel and Drusilla are taking turns poking him with a lance that’s shooting sparks. Giles, Xander and Willow are sitting around a table playing poker when Willow looks up at me and says “Your apples. They’re turning brown; the way apples do.”

Spike starts to laugh. It’s the same laugh from when he was being sucked into Acathla and the hair on the back of my neck stands at attention. A bright light starts to glow from something hanging around his neck and it starts to swell until it erupts into beams of light that scour the Bronze like a disco ball. As it touches me I can feel myself start to burn. The last thing I see before I feel myself crumble to dust is Angel, my friends and Dru burning like kindling.

“Buffy! Buffy!! It’s all right! It’s just a dream!” Giles voice startles me awake and my head bumps his as I sit up abruptly. I must really have been out of it if I didn’t even hear him enter the room.

“I’m not surprised that the events of the past few days provoked some nightmares.” Giles smiles at me through his bump-induced wince.

“I don’t know Giles. That didn’t feel like any dream I’ve ever had before; not even the Slayer ones. It felt like it was real,”

I describe the details to Giles who remains quiet, occasionally nodding at points where the dream was most surreal.

“And you say Spike was the primary focus of the majority of the dream?”

“It seemed like it. I know he helped me out tonight, but why would I be dreaming about him so vividly? It’s not as if we’re close or anything.”

“Well, he did die because of Acathla. I’ll start researching what hell dimension Acathla’s portal opens up into in the morning. Maybe that will shed some light on why you experienced this particular dream. If you don’t feel that it’s a Slayer dream it’s still entirely possible that you simply experienced a particularly vivid nightmare caused by the stress of the past several days. As for Spike’s role; well, he did die because he was helping you and you may be working through some feelings of guilt about his death. Let me know if you dream like this again, but until then I’m fairly certain we can write this off to nervous tension.”

“Maybe you’re right, Giles. At least, I hope you are. I’ll be totally happy if it never happens again.”

Pausing on his way back out of the bedroom Giles turns, “Well, seeing that it’s almost time to get up for school anyway, you should probably consider getting out of bed. I strongly suggest you call your mother this morning before school. No matter what you argued about last night; she’s likely to be extremely worried about you this morning.”

Sighing I swing my legs out of bed. Giles is totally right about calling Mom. Of course, he might not be so understanding when I break the news that Mom’s in on the whole Slayer secret thing. In the cold light of day I’m sure she’s upset that she doesn’t know where I am. I’ve never doubted she loves me. Hell, I had a hard time when I first found out I was the Slayer I can’t blame Mom for wigging on me last night.

I pick up the phone and dial my house.

“Buffy?!?!?” my mom answers anxiously.

“Yeah Mom. It’s me. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay and that I stayed at Giles' house last night.

“Mr. Giles, the librarian?” she’s confused again.

“Yeah, Mom. Remember? He’s my Watcher. He’s from a Council of guys who help Slayers with their calling.”

“Oh, Buffy. I was so worried last night. I didn’t mean what I said. Please come home today.”

I get the feeling that I’m going to have to explain the whole Giles thing to her a third time some time in the near future but I let it go. “I’ll be home after school, Mom. We need to talk and I think we need to do it with the whole group.”

“There’s a group that knows what you do?” I hear her voice sharpen. Sure she was worried about me but that’s not going to help when she realizes how many people knew I was the Slayer while she was kept out of the loop.

“There’s a few people, who found out what I do, that help me. We’ll be meeting at the school library this evening and I’d like it if you could come tonight so we can answer your questions.”

“Buffy, don’t you think that we should have a talk just between the two of us. . .”

“I do, Mom. We’ll do that after school before we meet the with everyone.”

“Is that Spike person part of the group?”

“No Mom.”

“Well, that’s a shame. He seemed like such a nice young man and he was very eager to help you.”

“We’ll talk about him later, okay Mom?”

I hear her sigh over the connection. “Okay, Buffy, but I have to say; I’m not happy at all that I was excluded from such a large part of your life. I’m your mother and we’re all each other has.”

“I’m sorry Mommy.” And I am. I feel terrible that she feels excluded from my life. She’s right. After Dad left we were all each other had and in retrospect I’m questioning my decision to leave her ignorant about my calling.

I have to say I’m not looking forward to the talk I need to have with Giles about my mother’s newfound knowledge of Slayer lore. He gets grumpy every time a new person finds out about my calling. I can just see him now all pouty faced and cleaning his glasses, except he’ll be driving to school so I guess cleaning his glasses will be pretty difficult.



Okay, so talking to Giles wasn’t that bad. Neither was the discussion between my mom and me. I’m thinking that it’s shooting for the moon to hope that the third meeting I’m scheduled for tonight will go well. I didn’t get much of a chance to see the guys today. We’re not in any of the same classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I hid like a coward at lunchtime. Giles said he’d make sure everyone knew about the Scooby meeting so I didn’t need to pass the word. I’m grateful because I needed the past few hours to figure out what I’m going to say.

Xander, Cordy, Willow, Oz and Giles are already there when I enter the library with my mom. Everyone quiets down when they see her and the silence is starting to become uncomfortable when Giles finally speaks up.

“Well, Mrs. Summers, I’m sure I speak for all of us here when I say welcome.”

“Mr. Giles?” Mom gets right down to business, “so you’re the man who puts my little girl into dangerous situations that will probably end up killing her?”

Everything gets quiet again when Xander growls from the table and springs past me. I realize too late that he’s got a stake in his hand and he’s headed straight for Angel, who’s just entered the room.

tbc

Chapter 4

“Xander!” I panic when I realize I’m not fast enough to stop him. On the other hand Angel is twice as far from the table as I am and he has plenty of time to catch Xander’s arm and force him to drop the stake.

Xander starts yelling at Angel accusing him of being Angelus and coming to kill us all when Giles’ voice interrupts him, “Angel! Let Xander go now! Xander! Sit down and be quiet until we’ve had a chance to clear everything up! Angelus is in possession of his soul and I daresay he will be harming no one tonight.”

“But. . .” Xander starts to protest when Giles swings around and glares at him. I’ve never seen Giles look so scary before.

“I don’t understand, Xander.” Willow’s quiet voice floats up from the wheelchair Angelus’ minions put her in. I can’t help but notice Angel hasn’t looked in her direction since he walked into the library. “You know I was going to try the soul restoration spell last night. You were supposed to tell Buffy to stall to give me time.”

Shocked, I swing around to face Xander just in time to catch him trying to hide a guilty look. “Is that true, Xander? Were you supposed to tell me Willow was trying to restore Angel’s soul again? All I remember was you passing on her message to kick his ass.”

“I never said. . .” Willow sputters in indignation before Xander interrupts her.

“I didn’t want you to be distracted when you went up against Evil Undead!”

“Enough!” Giles’ voice echoes like a gunshot through the room. Continuing in a more reasonable tone, “Now, Buffy if you could review the events of last night’s apocalypse?”

I enlighten the group about Spike’s truce, his efforts on Giles behalf (which made Angel noticeably squirm), Whistler’s prophecy, the fight and Spike’s dependability as well as his actions to save my life. By the time I get to the part where Spike is sucked into Acathla my chest is tight and my eyes burn.

“That’s that part that confuses me, Giles.” I say “Whistler specifically said that only Angel’s blood would close the portal if it was opened. Why was Spike able to close it?”

“Well to be honest I’m not all that sure. . .” Giles gets out before Angel interrupts with the first words he’s said all evening.

“It’s the same blood.”

“Huh? Still not so understandy here.”

“The same blood. Dru’s got my blood because I sired her and Spike’s got hers. What I don’t understand is why Spike helped you in the first place.”

“Yeah, not something Angelus would ever consider, huh?” I blurt out before thinking. Off Angel’s devastated look I quickly say “Oh Angel, I’m sorry. . .”

“Why are you sorry Buff?” Xander spits out angrily. “It’s not as if you’re wrong; as Ms. Calendar discovered to her infinite regret.”

It’s Giles turn to blanch and I give Xander a dirty look that temporarily shuts him up.

“Well,” Giles clears his throat, “lets continue. I understand that Buffy was considered a fugitive by the police yesterday and I want to reassure everyone that the matter has been taken care of. Willow, Xander and I gave brief statements yesterday exonerating Buffy and all she needs to do is go down to the station and give a statement yourself.” Giles turns to me, “I understand your mother intends to take you tonight after we‘re done here, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m expected down there some time tomorrow to give a more thorough statement as I believe are Willow, Xander and Cordelia. Is that so?”

There’s a chorus of affirmative responses.

“As for the dream you had last night, Buffy, I’ve researched the portal and Acathla but all I could discover is that Acathla sends anyone who enters its portal to a. . .” Giles looks down at some scribbled notes and quotes, “‘hell of their own devising.’ Unfortunately that doesn’t actually give us any concrete information on what could be happening with Spike right now. I assume the passage implies that the hell differs from person to person depending upon what that individual considers hell to be. If so, then only Spike can tell us how to find his particular hell dimension. As he’s not available, we’re at an impasse with regards to figuring out what the dream means. Hopefully it was just a simple nightmare and won’t reoccur.”

“I hope you‘re right. I can do without a repeat of Lynch-o-rama!” I turn to Angel, “What about Dru?” I admit. I’m curious what Angel did with his erstwhile lover.

“She won’t bother you ever again, Buffy.” Angel replies with an earnest puppy expression that would have melted my heart a few months ago. As it is I feel a twinge of affection, but I’m still having trouble separating Angel from Angelus. Maybe I would have had an easier time forgiving him if I’d had to send him to hell to close the portal, but Spike took care of that. Or, to be honest, Drusilla did. Either way, the fact remains that I don’t feel the same about Angel as I did before he lost his soul and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel that way about him again.

My reverie is interrupted by the most loathsome voice in existence.

“I thought I expelled you yesterday, Summers! What are you doing on campus?”

“Expelled!?!?!” My mom’s voice has that sharp brittle quality that means I’m in for it when I finally get home.

Oh shit! I totally forgot I was expelled! It says something about your life when being expelled is the least upsetting thing that happens to you in a day. I turn to Snyder and start to offer my most innocent smile when Giles speaks up.

“I’m sure you’re remembering incorrectly, Principal Snyder. After all, as I told the police last night, it’s likely neither Willow nor I would be alive today if it weren’t for Miss Summer’s intervention when we were being attacked. I’ll be at the police department tomorrow where I’ll give a more detailed account of Miss Summers bravery and if you want me to overlook the sad state of school security that made the attack on us and Miss Kendra’s death possible, especially when I’m speaking to the press that will most assuredly have gathered, then I suspect you’ll not only reconsider Miss Summer’s expulsion you’ll agree she deserve public commendation by the school.”

Snyder bristles like an impotent boar. “Don’t try your empty threats on me, Rupert. You’ll find I’m no pushover.”

“Why I’m quite sure I have no idea what you are talking about. I assure you,” Giles pulls himself up taller and the scary expression he aimed at Xander earlier returns, “If I were to threaten you it would not be an empty one and you would live to regret provoking my wrath.”

I’ll admit it’s fun watching Snyder visibly shrink away from Giles. He makes one or two empty threats but the end result is that although I shouldn’t expect any commendations in the near future; I’m free to return to school in the morning. Come to think of it, if I had only waited a day before sicking Giles on Snyder I could have had a three day weekend. Damn!

As soon as Snyder leaves the room I burst into laughter. “Way to go Scary Giles!”

“Buffy, it’s getting late and we still need to get to the police station. Are you almost through here?” I can tell my mom’s starting to reach the end of her wig quotient for the day.

“Yeah, Mom, unless you still need us, Giles?”

“What? Oh. . . no. . . I think we’re done here for now. Please call me at once if you experience any more odd dreams.”

“Will do!” I feel fairly good for a recently wanted, formerly expelled seventeen year old until I see Angel hovering by the door. Crap! There’s no way by him without an uncomfortable confrontation that I am so not in the mood for.

“Buffy, can we talk?”

Sighing I turn to my mother, “Mom? Why don’t you go start the car and I’ll be right out?”

“Okay Buffy, but don’t be long. Detective Stein requested that we be at the station by 8:00.”

“I won’t.” I turn to Angel expectantly.

Angel looks back at the Scoobs uncomfortably. “Do you think we can go someplace private?”

“I don’t really have time right now, Angel, what with the pressing police matter I have to deal with.” Once again the sad puppy face breaks my resolve and I sigh in defeat. “Why don’t I stop by the mansion tomorrow after school?”

“Alright.” Angel starts out the door before hesitating and turning back. “You know I love you, don’t you Buffy?”

He catches me off guard and there’s a split second before I manage to pin a smile on my face. “Yes, Angel. I know.”

Except I don’t, really. I’ve been questioning a lot of the conventional wisdom I was taught regarding vampires since last night. I believe Spike loved Dru. Why would he have done what he did last night if he didn’t love her. If Spike was capable of loving without a soul then why wasn’t Angelus? If Angelus was incapable of love did that mean that Angel isn’t capable of it either?

Unfortunately, I think my inner turmoil shows on my face and Angel sighs sadly before turning back for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Buffy.”

“Yeah, see you then.”



Intense depression. Despair. Utter despair.

Something (someone?) I love has died and it’s all my fault. If I had only been smarter or faster or luckier. If I hadn’t taken something for granted there never would have been a threat. Someone, yes I’m sure it’s a someone, is gone forever and there are a million ways I could have saved them.

Self disgust. I was given a mission. I made a promise and I’d be expected to keep it. I deserve to have to stick around and keep it. They (she?) would have wanted me to. I have to protect someone since I failed to protect her. It’s no wonder I’m a failure I’m nothing. I’m no one. Everything I once was has been taken away from me. I’m not even the pathetic (ineffectual, feeble, low, useless, worthless) being I was before.

A brief moment of utter joy before happiness burns and scalds and becomes torment. Even happiness is hell in its brevity.

She’s back but it’s worse than when she was dead. At least dead she couldn’t look at me as if I were nothing. I am I am I am nothing how could I have hoped she wouldn’t see that. Beneath her. . .beneath them. . .beneath everyone and everything that at least knows its identity. Can’t be a monster (monster?); can’t be a man (man?). Good only for one thing. One brief touch of heaven before the rug is pulled beneath my feet (she liked the rug).

Confusion.

Does she care? (no spark) Could she love? (no trust) Confounded. Slip back into old ways. Force the square through the round opening. Force.

Horror! Run away! Run forever! Run and get the spark she needs.

Pain! Fiery pain. . .self loathing. . .immolation. They put the spark in me. Not enough - never enough. No love for me. Never love for me.

Laughter. . .bitter but pure. White hot burning like the sun taking the bastards with me. We’ll all burn in hell together to see how it ends.

I wake up with tears streaming down my face and soaking my pillow. Depression weighs my limbs down as if I were trapped under a mountain of pain that grows exponentially with every moment. A sob escapes my throat and the bedroom door opens as my mother rushes in.

“Buffy, honey, what’s wrong?”

I don’t know. I can’t think of anything I should be so upset about. Sure Xander lied to me and Angel has become something I don’t understand but neither event should cause this overwhelming despair.

“I don’t know” and I break into tears wrapped in my mother’s comforting arms.

After a few minutes I feel the weight lift. I give my mom a gentle squeeze and pull back.

“I feel much better, though.”

“What was it that upset you so much?”

“I still don’t know, Mom, but I think I had another dream. It was bad.”

“Oh,” Mom nods understandingly. I wish she’d share her wisdom because I have no idea what’s going on. I better report this to Giles.

“It’s time for school Buffy and if anything cures dream induced doldrums it’s pancakes so get ready while I make breakfast.”

“Can I have funny shapes?”

My mom smiles back in the way that makes everything alright again, “Of course.”



After reporting my dream to Giles I head to the mansion like a convict heads towards the electric chair. At least Giles is in a good mood. Research makes him happy and a mystery sends him into fits of joy. He hopes to have something about the dreams by tomorrow. My footsteps slow as I approach the door. Sigh. Once more into the breach. What! I read!

Angel is standing near the fireplace in standard brooding hero pose. I clear my voice and he turns.

“Buffy. Come on in.”

“Whadya wanna talk about?” The bright smile on my face is so wide I think my jaws will crack but I can’t seem to stop. I feel like the Joker. Angel seems to pick up on my nervousness and he directs me to a new couch placed, ironically, where Acathla stood two nights before. The realization makes my stomach clench and I think I may lose my lunch. I sit down

“Buffy, I wanted to apologize for everything Angelus did. I still don’t remember everything but what I do recall seems pretty bad.”

“It was.” I guess I should say more, but then I’m not the one who wanted this conversation.

“I wanted to make sure you knew that I still love you very much.”

The smile finally drops off my face. My cheeks hurt and I can feel my eyes start to water. “If you love me so much how come Angelus didn’t?”

Angel blinks in surprise, “Buffy, Angelus didn’t have a soul. Vampires can’t love without a soul.”

“Spike could.” Tears are falling down my face and I’m starting to get angry. “Spike loved Dru so much he made a deal with his mortal enemy and helped me defeat Angelus. Spike even saved my life even though it wasn’t part of the deal. How come Spike could love without a soul but Angelus couldn’t.”

I can see Angel’s starting to get angry as well. “What’s all this about Spike!?!?! What was going on between you two while I was. . .”

“WHAT?!?!?! Exactly what are you accusing me of, Angel? Spike and I made a truce so that he could get Drusilla away from you and so that I could save the world from Acathla. There was nothing else going on! Where exactly do you get off with this attitude after killing Ms. Calendar and trying to kill everyone else I love?”

“Buffy, you have to know that wasn’t me. . .”

“Do I?” Tears slip off my chin and fall to the scorched floor. “Why do I have to know it wasn’t you? Exactly what is a soul anyway? Why did you want to hurt me so much if you love me? Why couldn’t you love me without the soul? What’s wrong with me?!?!?!”

During my little freak out the place where my tears hit the floor start to steam; then start to smoke. I stop my tirade and jump back in surprise when the smoke bellows up into a swirling column which coalesces into a skeleton. A roaring sound erupts from the swirling mass as it seems to grow muscle tissue and skin. The roar increases in volume until it becomes a howl of pain as the form becomes recognizable.

As the clamor dies down a naked and badly burned Spike falls to the floor unconscious.

Chapter Five

Spike’s back. He’s back. How did he get here?!?!

He’s collapsed. If I hadn’t jumped onto the couch he’d be laying on my feet. God! He looks terrible. I can’t see anything but his back, but that is scarred and scorched. I carefully step over him and crouch down to see his face. Luckily for my stomach it’s almost untouched. There’s a burn on his chin above a chain attached to something under his body. I look up at Angel.

“What do we do now?”

Angel scoffs, “well, you could always stake him.”

That just sits wrong with me so I give Angel a dirty look. I roll Spike onto his back. His torso and the front of his legs are scorched almost as badly as his back. I look up at Angel, “Help me move him onto the couch.”

“You want me to put a naked, burned Spike on my new couch?!?!”

“Shut up, Angel, and just help me!”

Surprisingly he does. When we move Spike the chain around his neck slips off and clunks to the floor. I pocket it to show to Giles and turn back to Angel. “Do you have any medical supplies or water available so I can begin to clean some of these out?”

“Buffy, I don’t understand why you don’t just stake him. He’s Spike! He’s an evil soulless vampire!” Angel glares over at Spike and for a moment his eyes flare in surprise. He opens his mouth to say something but promptly shuts it again.

“Angel?”

His eyes focus back on me.

“First Aid kit?”

“Ummmm, yeah. I’ve got one in here.” Angel distractedly heads to a closet in a hallway off the main fireplace coming back with a well supplied First Aid kit. “I bought it yesterday in case you get hurt on patrol.”

“Thank you. If you could get me some water I’d appreciate it.” I lean down and start to disinfect some of Spike’s more severe wounds.

Naked. It occurs to me again that Spike is naked. I desperately try to keep my eyes above his belly button and fail miserably. Wow. My eyes dart back up to his face as my cheeks flush. Yet another place that has been mercifully spared the horrible burns suffered by the majority of his body; which is surprising because it’s such a large target. At least in my relatively inexperienced opinion.

Angel comes back with the water and I finish up my pathetic ministrations. It doesn’t look like I helped much. Maybe if we can get some blood down his throat he’ll heal better. I ask Angel if he has any to spare.

“For God’s sake, Buffy, why are you wasting so much time on him?” Angel’s angry.

I’m not sure why but my temper flares as well. “He saved my life, Angel! He saved me from you. Remember? And for his good deed he was sent to hell! I felt what it was like for him! I felt his pain while he was in hell!”

“What are you talking about?”

“The dreams! The Slayer dreams! They were about Spike and what he was going through while he was in hell and it was horrible!”

“You’re dreaming about him now?” Angel screams. When did our voices get so loud?

Suddenly a loud growl erupts behind me. The next thing I know Spike is crouched between Angel and me and I swear if he had fur on his neck it would be standing straight up. I can’t believe Spike is trying to protect me from Angel again.

Spike sways back and forth growling at Angel and I just know one wrong move made by any of us will end in disaster. Angel’s starting to look angrier by the second and for a moment it looks like Angelus might be back. A whimper escapes my throat and I grab Spike’s arm to pull him back a few steps with me. As my hands close over Spike’s raw skin I realize my error and Spike yelps in pain yanking his arm away from me. I swear I see a look of betrayal on his face before he whirls around and runs out the door into the night.

Inexplicable guilt hits me in my gut and I gasp out Spike’s name in a fruitless attempt to keep him from leaving but he’s gone before the word escapes my lips. I turn back to Angel, who looks slightly less soulless, “I’m going after Spike.”

“Buffy! Wait!” But I’m out the door before Angel can continue.



Hours of searching and I’ve had no luck. Wherever Spike holed up it’s somewhere I’m not familiar with. Despondent, I decide to head for home. Don’t ask me why I’m so down in the dumps about not being able to find Spike. I don’t understand it. If I weren’t so completely wiped I’d go over to Giles’ house and have him figure it all out for me. As is it I think I’ll settle for a phone call.

As I approach my front door there’s a familiar tingly feeling in my abdomen. Vampire approaching. Or wait. . .vampire stationary and slightly beneath me. A little to the left and if I’m not wrong in my house! I run to the backyard and throw open the storm cellar door. Once inside I stop short in total astonishment. Curled up in a tiny, naked, unconscious ball against the far wall is Spike. His burns look slightly better but I can tell it will be a while before his skin is unmarked. Pity.

Huh? Did I just appreciate Spike’s skin? This is getting out of hand! Time to get the bleached menace clothed and out of the vicinity of my vulnerable mother. I start up the stairs when the basement door opens and my mom appears with a set of sweats, a blanket and a pillow in her hands.

“Mom! Get back up the stairs! It’s not safe down here right now!” I start to panic as my imagination runs rampant with images of the wild Spike I saw earlier at my mother’s throat.

“Don’t be silly Buffy. You’re here and if anything serious happens I’m sure Spike will be able to help again even if he’s not exactly talkative right now.”

At some point the surprises will lose their effectiveness, I just know it. It’s impossible to remain in a constant state of surprise. Isn’t it? “You knew he was down here?”

“Of course I did, Honey. I helped him walk down here. He’s really hurt and he was having trouble walking.”

“Mom? Splainy? Please?!?!?” I’m not happy about the level of desperation in my voice. I feel myself long for the days when life was at least moderately predictable.

“I heard a noise on the back porch and when I turned on the light I saw Spike collapsed at the bottom of the steps. He looked so hurt I simply had to help him. I managed to get him down here through the cellar door. It was the closest and he seemed to feel most comfortable down here. He started to whine and struggle when I tried to lead him up to the spare room. With the severity of his burns I felt it was better to simply let him stay down here until I could get some clothes on him.” She paused, frowning in concentration, “you know, I think we have a cot down here somewhere. I’m fairly certain it came with us in the move. Your father would certainly have had no use for it.”

“He didn’t try anything, did he? Didn’t try to hurt you or bite you?”

“Buffy, I don’t think he even fully understood I was there. Now help me with these clothes. It’s dusty and dank down here and I’ll feel better knowing he has something between him and the concrete floor. In the morning we’ll figure out how to get him fed properly. How would one do that in Sunnydale?”

“Angel goes to the butcher shop and they bag blood for him or sometimes he gets blood from the hospital.”

“Well I have no idea how we’d get blood out of a hospital, so I’ll drive over to the butcher’s in the morning to make sure Spike has something nourishing when he wakes up.”

“Mom, he’s a vampire. . .”

“None of that, young lady! You said yourself that he helped you twice and saved your life. Now he needs your help and you owe him!”

I sighed. If I ever wanted to get some sleep tonight I’d better go along. At least now that I’m home I can make sure Spike doesn’t get a chance to hurt Mom.



Anger. Deep uncontrollable anger. He’s speaking but I don’t want to hear what he’s trying to say so every time he opens his mouth I slam my fist or foot in it. I’ve beaten his features off his face. Even his mother wouldn’t recognize him now. Pride. I feel pride that I’ve been able to do this to him. That he’d let me. He manages to crack one bloody swollen eye open and I hesitate just long enough for him to speak.

“You always hurt the ones you love.”

Oh God! What have I done?!?!?!?!?

Look at him. He’s so trashed. I have a mission, though. I need to know if we’re safe. I pretend I’m her. . .it. . .her. I dance over and offer to give the information that he was beaten to keep quiet. He speaks and I realize he’s allowed himself to be beaten for me. To save me pain.

“I couldn't live, her being in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.”

My throat seizes as I struggle not to cry.

The battle is winding down and the monsters are almost gone. He’s paralyzed inside a beam of bright white sunlight and I can see his skin start to smolder. I start to cry and I grab his hand. I need to tell him something but he won’t listen. I try to pull him out of the light but he won’t let me. He’s burning! Burning for ME!

“No. You don’t. But thanks for saying it.”

I try to scream his name and FORCE him to follow me to safety but the scream is strange and out of place. It wakes me up out of my dream. I’m shaking and sobbing but I can tell everything will be okay. I’m not sure why. I try to raise my hands to brush the tears from my face when I realize my left hand is caught on something. I open my eyes and see that Spike is sleeping sitting curled on the floor leaning against the side of my bed and he’s holding my immobilized hand against his cheek. I’m floored when I comprehend that this is where my feeling of wellbeing comes from.

tbc

Chapter Six

In a sleepy haze I notice that although the sweat pants remain, Spike is shirtless. I guess the material was irritating his injuries. Luckily the burns have healed to the point that only angry welts and scars remain. Hmmm. He’s got a really nice chest. Spike twitches in his sleep and snorts into my palm. A strange electric feeling shoots from my palm to my lower abdomen and warmth floods between my legs. A surprised gasp escapes my lips as all the muscles in my body contract in a massive shudder.

Spike’s eyes shoot open at the movement and I become conscious of the fact that he’s been in game face since he reappeared in the mansion. I’m slightly surprised that I hadn’t noticed before. I’m surprised again when I realize that I like Spike’s game face. I really like it. A lot. He looks like a big white panther when he’s vamped out.

My attention swings back to Spike as he sniffs the air and lets out a growly-grumbly noise. His eyes catch mine and it feels like I’m being sucked into his golden orbs. All of a sudden I can’t breathe or move as the noise he’s making turns into a low purring sound. Without breaking eye contact Spike moves with cat-like grace from his position on the floor to the space beside me on the bed. I can feel my heart pounding so hard it’s going to leap out of my chest and I can’t seem to draw enough air into my lungs. A low tingle runs through my entire body and I desperately want to reach out and pull Spike against me. I want to touch him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.

Somewhere in the back of my brain I can hear someone whimpering. It takes me a few moments before I realize that it’s me. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been so out of control in my life. Oddly, I don’t care. All I can think of is that I feel magnificent and I never want this feeling to end. I stiffen as it occurs to me that this is how I felt during my dream when I was beating Spike bloody in that dark alley. I stiffen and cry out.

At my cry Spike suddenly shifts into his human face and he lets out a sound that’s almost frightened. His head ducks down to my chest and he starts to shudder. I’m surprised when I realize he’s shaking in fear and seeking comfort from me. My arms go around him and as I touch his skin something snaps inside me.

The next thing I know I’ve flipped him over and I’m laying on top of him. Somewhere along the line I’ve lost my nightie and I can feel every inch of him rubbing at my core through his sweats and my thin panties. I rub my hands up Spike’s bare chest between our bodies and suddenly Spike’s back in game face and doing that purring thing again. I can feel his entire body vibrate against mine and it’s driving me crazy. My nipples harden into peaks and I want. . . I want. . . Oh God I don’t know what I want but if I don’t get it soon I’m going to die.

It wasn’t like this when I lost my virginity. There was sweetness and softness and it felt good but there was no wild loss of control. No throbbing, swollen, needy wetness. Good thing I didn’t know what I was missing - or actually - maybe if I had known what I was missing we could have avoided the whole Angelus thing altogether.

Spike must have noticed my mind wandering because suddenly I’m flat on my back and he’s on top of me. He’s grabbed the hair at the nape of my neck and he’s pulled my head back. I vaguely try to recall what I’d been thinking about as his eyes drop to my mouth and his head lowers towards mine. I can feel my lips swell to meet his and my mouth opens automatically to welcome his tongue. Oh. He tastes so good. My tongue darts out to wrestle with his as I try to capture more of that wonderful taste. His tongue is bumpy, almost scratchy and the feeling of it writhing against my tongue is making me shake uncontrollably.

There’s a nudge at my knees and then Spike’s between my legs. His hand slides down my stomach to the waistband of my panties and the next thing I know they’re gone. Oh goody! I can feel everything so much better now!

I frown as I realize there’s still a major barrier between me and what I want so I rip at it until his sweats are nothing but a shredded mess and I’m able to feel Spike’s skin against mine. Something long and hard and velvety slips between my legs and rubs at my entrance. I gasp and arch up into it as it brushes against my clit. Oh God! It’s Spike’s cock and I’ve never felt anything so amazing before in my life!

Spike’s mouth moves down to my neck and his hands cup my breasts as he starts to thrust with his hips rubbing back and forth against my clit. His palms move deftly over my nipples and he starts roll the stiffened peaks between his fingers and suddenly between his hands and his cock there’s this triangle of sensation that’s taking over my body and growing and making me shake so hard that I’m sobbing his name and arching my back and doing anything I can to increase the friction. I arch my hips and Spike sinks inside of me in one long thrust. I can feel him so deep that it feels like he’s pressing at the back of my throat. I start to sob and my ankles twine together around his back as I thrust hard up into his downward plunge. I’m sobbing and he’s growling and we’re writhing together until everything explodes into fireworks and atoms and electric currents and he collapses limply into my body.

A satiated smile curls my lips as I wrap my arms around him and fall back into an exhausted slumber.



He’s kneeling in front of her and she’s never seen that particular expression on his face before. So sincere. So honest. He leans forward. . .

“Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you -- it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman.”

Oh God, she loves him. No one has ever made her feel this whole; this pure. The reflection of herself that she sees in his eyes is the most beautiful she’s ever been. How could she have treated him so badly last year? How could she not have seen him?


“I know you'll never love me.” She’s looking down at him from her living room stairs, “I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's. . .Get your stuff. I'll be here.”

She pauses. A feeling courses through her that she doesn’t want to identify. She turns and heads up the stairs.


“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you. You know I do.”

“Tell me you want me.”

“I always want you.”

She wraps him around her like a protective shield and they sink down to the floor in a haze of emotion. Suddenly the crypt door opens.

“Buffy?”

She doesn’t want to be interrupted. She grunts at the intrusion.

“Buffy?!?!?”

“What the hell is going on here?!?!?!” I wake up to Angel’s angry exclamation and realize quickly that: one, I am naked and two, I am laying spread eagled on top of another body.

Oh shit! What have I done?

tbc

Chapter Seven

“Buffy, what the hell is going on here?!?!?!”

Oh Shit! Angel’s here in my room, standing at the foot of my bed and I just had amazing, stupendous, best of my life sex with Spike! I roll off Spike’s inert form and suddenly I’m at a complete loss for what to do or say. It’s not helping that the sunlight that’s shining through my bedroom window is bouncing off my mirror and hitting me directly in the eyes.

Sunlight! Crap! I jump over Spike and rush to the window before the sun’s rays creep far enough into the room to hit Spike. That’s when it occurs to me that Angel must have arrived during the daylight. Not only that, but he hasn’t been invited back into my house yet so how did he get into my room?!?

“Angel?” I hope I don’t sound as bewildered as I really am and I really hope that it’s Angel I’m talking to. The expression on his face is frighteningly familiar and not one I’ve seen on him when he’s got a soul.

“Yeah, Buff? You got something to say to me? Like why you’re naked and in bed with Spike?”

Nope. I’ve got nothing. You now what they say; the best defense is a good offense, right?

“How did you get into my room?!?!?! What the hell are you doing here anyway and how did you get here during daylight?!?!?!?!”

Angel starts to cackle. I have to say. . .not a sound I’ve heard from either version. He’s just not the cackling kind with or without a soul. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“Ooops. You caught me. You’re smarter than they say.” Angel grins so wide it looks like his face is gonna crack open like a muppet. “I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time. See ya!” and then Angel disappears like a puff of smoke.

Okay. Not something I’ve ever seen a vampire do before. I’m beginning to get the impression that it wasn’t Angel I was talking to after all. Maybe I am smarter than they. . .hey! Who says I’m not smart!

Oddly, Spike hasn’t moved since I woke up. Either I really wore him out last night (and let the blushing commence!) or he’s still healing from the burn he got on his way back from hell. I get out of bed, pull the sheet over him, grab some clothes and head towards the bathroom to clean up. Some situations simply demand BFF time. Then maybe I’ll go have a nice long chat with Giles.



“You had SEX with Spike!?!?!?!”

It figures. After a 20 minute retelling of everything that happened since the last time I saw Willow, which includes magically reappearing vampires, a feral vampire hunt, my mom helping said feral vampire and ex-boyfriends disappearing in a puff of smoke, she fixates on the sex with Spike part. Sigh.

“Well. . .yeah.” I am Remorse Buffy! See me feel bad for having the sex with evil vampires? See me repent? Major admission of mistake here. A very yummy mistake, yes. A feel-good muscle-melting tingling all over my body every time I think about it mistake, but still not something I should be proud of, right?

So why am I having a hard time feeling bad about it?

It must be the dreams. The Spike in my dreams is so not evil. I’d even go so far as to say he’s sometimes good. I’m so wishing I’d had sex with that Spike. Then I wouldn’t have to try so hard to feel so bad about it.

“How was it?” Willow question breaks me out of my reverie.

“How was what?”

“Sex with Spike? Did he try to bite you? Did he hurt you?”

“Actually he didn’t do anything to hurt me at all. He was really. . .” Okay. There is no way to finish that sentence without utter humiliation. I think I need just a little more experience with the having of sex before I can talk details.

“Let’s just say it was incredible and leave it at that, okay?”

“I don’t understand why he didn’t try to kill you. Isn’t that kind of his raison d'etra?”

Raisin detour? I must have looked as confused as I felt.

“Raison d’etra. . .you know, reason for existing.” Willow quickly explained.

“I guess in the past, yeah, but it wasn’t last night.” I quickly lose any control I had over gushing. “Oh God, Willow! It was so good! I know I’m not Experience Girl when it comes to actual sex but this was like nothing on Earth! It was better than Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food!”

“No! Not Phish Food!” Willow is understandably impressed.

“I just don’t know how to tell Giles about what happened last night. I mean there’s no way I’m telling about the sex part. I’m lucky Spike doesn’t have a soul to lose but I don’t think Giles will see the bright side there. How do I explain about the phony Angel without telling about the sex?”

“Why don’t you just say he was still sleeping on the floor?”

“Willow, you’re brilliant!”

“So I’ve been told.”



“So Spike was wearing this when he rematerialized?”

Heh. Trust Giles to fixate on the shiny necklace thingy. Not to say he wouldn’t also have fixated on the sex part but what he doesn’t know probably won’t hurt him.

“Yeah. It was around his neck and he was burned all around it like it blocked whatever it was that did the burning.”

“Unless the gem itself is what did the burning. You did say his face was untouched but his neck and chin were burned?”

“Uh huh.”

“That implies that whatever burned Spike was around chest level and situated such that his chin blocked his face from being burned.”

“’Kay, but that doesn’t explain the burns on his back.”

“You’re right. I’ll have a go at the books and try to discover if there’s mention of anything that remotely resembles this atrocious piece of neckwear.”

“Thanks!”

~~~~~

Where the hell am I and why do I smell like sex?

I crack open an eye and discover I’m in a girly nightmare of a room. Nope, never been here before, of that I’m certain. My muscles complain vociferously when I sit up to get a better look at my surroundings. The smell is familiar. Really familiar but I can’t seem to place it. I look around and there’s no obvious sign that tells me exactly whose room I’m in. Sigh. That means I’ve got to stand up and I don’t think that’s gonna feel to good. Luckily I manage to make it to my feet but a movement across the room startles me into ducking. I feel extremely foolish when I realize I jumped at a mirror.

Wait! Something in the mirror means something in the room other than me!

Forgetting the pain I spin trying to find the cause of the movement. The figure in the mirror spins as well. Bloody hell! That’s me!

When I approach the mirror I notice pictures tucked in the frame.

Stunned I realize that I’m in the Slayer’s bedroom, I smell like sex, and I have a reflection.

Bloody hell!

Chapter Eight

“Bloody hell!”

I poke the mirror and the reflection pokes back. Damn! I’m a good looking bloke but this is downright perplexing! I put on my fangs to make sure I still got ‘em. Check. Still fanged and dangerous. I wonder if there’ve been any other developments. I look toward the open window. I’m lucky I woke up when I did. The sun would have reached the bed in an hour or two and I’d be one crispy critter. That is, if I’m still flammable.

Nothing for it then, I‘m just gonna have to run a little test. I edge along the wall toward the window and stick my hand into the sunlight. Hurts like the dickens but not as bad as I’d expect. I remember a time right after I was turned where Angelus and I had us a little pissing contest with a ray of sunlight. What I feel now isn’t nearly as painful as it was then, but it’s not comfortable by a long shot. I pull my hand out long after it should have started to smolder.

Okay. Chances are I’m still a vampire; just one with a few modifications. Improvements, really as I can’t say I hate having a reflection. To be honest, even after all this time, it’s was little disconcerting to pass a mirror and not see myself.

It’s time to regroup. What do I remember? Name’s Spike. I’m a vampire, or at least close to. I’m in Sunnydale in the Slayer’s bedroom and I smell like I’ve spent the last couple of days in a brothel. If it weren’t so completely daft I’d think I’d had sex with the Slayer herself.

Wait a mo’. I look at the scrap of silk that’s caught between my toes and reach down to snag it. Panties. Slayer panties.

My legs collapse beneath me and I plunk down on the floor when it actually sinks in that I’ve had sex with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Suddenly I’m hard as a rock and I can’t help but giggle uncontrollably. I’ve actually bagged my third slayer, so to speak, and I can’t remember a damned thing about it. Irony is a bitch.

A sound in the hallway has me scrambling for clothing. A ragged pair of knit trousers lay on the floor near the panties and I manage to struggle into them before the bedroom door opens.

“Spike? Are you in here?”

It’s Momma Slayer and she knows I’m in the house. I can tell by the obvious fact that she’s got a cuppa blood in her hand. It’s cow, which I have to say I prefer to pig any day of the week. Wait. When’s the last time I had animal blood? I can’t remember any significant dietary changes in the past few months, but it seems natural to me. In fact, the idea of drinking Momma Slayer instead of the cup she’s got in her hands is kinda makin’ me sick to my stomach.

“Spike? Are you okay?”

She’s leaning over me like she’s concerned for me. What the bloody hell is going on here?!?!?!

“Ummmm. . .yeah. I’m fine. I think. You’re the Slayer. . .ummm. . .Buffy’s mom?”

“Yes, we met the other night when you helped Buffy with that Alpaca statue. You can call me Joyce. Are you hungry? I brought you some blood.”

I take the cup from her in a daze. Acathla was only the other night? It feels like it was a lifetime ago; although I can’t remember what’s happened in the intervening time to make it seem so long ago.

“What happened to me?”

A look of sympathy creeps across the lady’s face. “I’m not sure, Spike. Buffy said that you were sucked into some kind of hell dimension but then you showed up on my back porch last night looking like a French fry. You were pretty out of it. I think you were in shock, but we were afraid to take you to a hospital since. . .well, you know.” she actually blushes when she refers to my undead status. It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to someone so sweet. That I can remember, that is.

Wait! Evil, undead vampire here! Where are the warm fuzzies coming from? I should be eating Joyce, not discussing current events with her over a cuppa!

Suddenly I’m sick to my stomach again. I really don’t like the idea of eating her.

Why?!?!?!?!

~~~~~

“Buffy, just to be clear, you’re sure Spike was wearing this chain when he rematerialized?” Uh oh, Giles has his agitated ‘end of the world’ face on.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, it appears the etching on the back of the stone’s setting is reminiscent of an ancient cuneiform symbol that is alleged to be the original Mark of Cain.”

“Who’s Mark Kane and why does he cause your ‘I’m not happy’ face?”

Sigh, “Buffy, we really need to work on your Biblical history. The Mark of Cain was a brand placed on the eldest son of Adam after he committed the first evil act in the world by killing his brother, Abel, in a fit of jealousy. If I’m correct this pendant is a ward protecting its wearer against that first evil.”

“Huh. I didn’t even know Spike had a brother. Imagine how old he would be.”

“I’m not so sure that it means Spike has a brother so much as that he’s been in contact, and survived some kind of altercation with the manifestation of that first act of evil.”

“Could this altercation involve him burning to a crisp?”

“Quite possibly, why do you ask?”

“No reason, just part of one of my dreams. Also, it may be significant to mention that the same symbol was burned into Spike’s chest and even though most of his scars have faded that one is still pretty visible. Does this mean there’s gonna be another apocalypse? We just finished dealing with the last one!”

“Well I certainly hope not, but there’s no telling. I need to look into the demonic versions of the Book of Genesis before I can tell you anything significant.”

“There are demonic versions of the Bible? Why?!?!”

“Well, certain ancient sources imply that all creatures that inhabited Earth before Noah’s Flood were actually demons and that demon kind lost the protection of God, or The Powers That Be, by their wanton lust for destruction. Some say that the Flood is a metaphor for the Powers’ decision to banish the original demons to another state of consciousness. If this is true then all Bibles actually refer to demonkind in the chapters that predate the Flood.”

“Huh.” Why am I not surprised anymore?

Suddenly Giles’ front door crashes against the wall and a handful of evil creatures wearing brown robes swarm into the room heading straight for Giles. I grab the closest weapon, a table lamp, and jump between the evil monks and Giles. Unfortunately, the lamp isn’t as sturdy as it looks and it smashes to pieces after my first swing. I feel a sharp pain in my temple and blackness swims across my vision. At least I took one of them out with me.

tbc

Chapter Nine

Ooooooohhhhh, my head is killing me. I open my eyes and realize that Giles has dust bunnies under his couch. In a flash I’m on my feet and looking for the evil monks. They’re gone, Giles’ front door is wide open and it looks like I’ve been out for at least a couple of hours.

A weak groan comes from my left and Giles’ head pops up over the kitchen counter. Relief sweeps through me as I realize that I’m not going to have to live through Giles getting kidnapped twice in one week. Before I realize I’ve moved I’m crying in Giles’ arms.

“I though they got you! I thought I failed you again!”

I feel a weak pat on my back as Giles shushes me, “There, there, no one’s been hurt severely and you’ve never failed me. Please do remember, however, that I’m recently recovering from a bout of broken ribs.”

I let go quickly and smile weakly into his eyes as I translate his stodginess into ‘I love you and I’m glad you’re okay as well.’

Giles scans the room, “It looks like, whoever they were, they were after Spike’s amulet.”

I didn’t know Liberace had a Goon Squad. Speaking of Spike, it’s late afternoon and I think it’s time I got home to see how he’s doing. My mom’s due home soon and I’d like to minimize the time he’s alone with her. Of course that complicates patrolling tonight, but maybe I can convince him to follow along. I resolve to ignore the excitement churning in my stomach at the thought of seeing Spike again. Some mistakes should never be repeated. Much.



The house is quiet when I get home. I check the second floor and there’s no sign Spike was ever there. Even my bed is made. Huh. Who knew feral vampires understood the complexities of hospital corners.

I hit pay dirt when I reach the basement. Sitting curled up into a ball on the old cot with his head on his knees is Spike wearing a faded old pair of blue jeans and a half buttoned white Oxford that my dad left behind. They’re the ones Mom wears when she cleans. His hair’s a mess, as if he’s been continually running his fingers through it. I approach him slowly so that I don’t startle him when he decides not to return the favor.

“What have you done to me, Slayer?”

I don’t exactly jump out of my shoes, but I now understand that phrase much better than I ever did before.

“Spike!?!?” Uh oh. My voice broke. What does he remember? I’m blushing before I can even try to get control of my emotions. Houston, we need a diversion! “You’re talking. You must be feeling better.” If I blush any more my face is going to pop from the pressure.

Spike raises his head and I realize there are tears streaming down his cheeks. “Please, whatever it is you did to make me feel this way. Undo it. Please.”

I don’t think he’s referring to what I’m thinking about.

“What do you mean?”

“All I can see are their faces. Sometimes they’re so real I can see them in the room with me. Please make it stop. I can’t take the guilt anymore!”

Faces? Whose faces? And guilt? “Spike, I’m gonna call Giles and we’ll get to the bottom of this. I promise. In the mean time; why don’t you come upstairs with me and I’ll fix you something to eat. Mom got you some blood this morning. It’s from the butcher shop but it’ll have to do. I even have an idea of how long to nuke it for to make it body temperature.”

“Two and a half minutes.” Spike blanches, “How do I know that? I’ve never cooked blood before in my life! I think I’m going crazy!”

~~~~~

Slayer’s all confused. Whatever’s going on I’m not so sure she had anything to do with it. Maybe it was the Watcher or the Poof. Wouldn’t put it past either of them.

Things are better now that Buffy’s here. Buffy. When did I start thinking of her as anything but the Slayer? Why do I get a warm feeling in my chest every time she bends over me to see how I’m doing? God! I want her. From the scent I can tell she returns the compliment. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling better. Too busy being randy as a goat to feel anything negative. I’ll take it. Anything to quell these feelings of remorse. At least I think it’s remorse. It’s been so long since I felt anything like it that I can’t be sure what exactly it is I’m feeling.

I’m sittin’ on the sofa. After Buffy brought me a cuppa she sat down across from me perching herself on the coffee table. She’s leaning forward and suddenly our eyes meet. Bloody buggering hell it’s like I’ve been caught in a bear trap. Her eyes are so beautiful and expressive. I can’t drag mine away. Lord knows how long we sit staring at each other. Feels like I’m drownin’ in the depths of her sea green eyes.

I hear her heart speed up a bit and I can’t help leaning forward to get a better listen. She leans slightly forward as well and her eyes drop to my mouth. A magnetic pull starts between us and we’re drifting closer and closer. I can’t fight it and I realize I don’t want to. I want to know what happened last night. I want to experience it myself. I want . . . our lips meet and there’s an explosion.

Next thing I know Slayer’s straddling my lap, head thrown back and my face is buried in her sweet smelling neck. Never felt anything like this. She’s a wild cat and she’s makin’ me just as wild, not that I had very far to travel. The noises she makes. The whimpers, the sighs, the low throaty growls; I realize they’re all for me. I’m makin’ her feel this way. I’m driving her crazy with desire.

That thought pushes me over the edge and I feel the demon take over. A growl erupts from my throat and I feel my face change. The small part of my brain that retains conscious thought realizes that my game face may very well snap Buffy out of whatever she’s feeling but when she pulls her head back and sees my face she doesn’t react other than to dip her head back and kiss my fanged mouth. Lor’! What she’s doin’ to me! I’ve never wanted anything they way I want her!

She’s layin’ beneath me on the couch now. Don’t remember how we got this way but m‘not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She’s pullin’ at my shirt buttons tryin’ to get them open. I save her the trouble and pull the thing over my head. She’s pullin’ her shirt off as well. She’s so beautiful; she’s enough to make a man convert. Hell, maybe that’s why I’ve been feelin’ so bad today. She must have fucked my soul back into me last night. Bloody Hell! Her hands have slipped inside my pants. My last cohesive though is if feelin’ this way means puttin’ up with a soul it’s well worth the price.

~~~~~

For the second time today I wake up laying on the floor. This is starting to be a disturbing trend. Spike shifts and grunts beside me and my body flushes as I remember what we just did. I had sex with Spike. Again. Oh! Oh no! I sit up in horror. What have I done!!!!

Spike opens his eyes and for a second I see fear then resignation flash though them. Then I can’t see anything at all as my eyes water in dismay.

“Can’t say as that’s the reaction I expected, Slayer.”

“Oh Spike! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to . . .”

His eyes narrow in confusion, “Didn’t mean to what? Can’t say as I have any idea what you should be apologizin’ for.”

“Your soul! I took your soul away!”

“My soul!”

“You were feeling guilt earlier! You must have had a soul but then we had sex and now you’ve lost it!”

“Luv, if what’s wrong with me is caused by having a soul then I can reassure you that I still have one.”

He stops speaking when a noise from the front door interrupts us. It’s a key in the lock. Oh crap! My mom’s home!

tbc

Chapter Ten

Thank god I wore a dress today so it doesn’t take me more than a second or two for me to make myself look like I didn’t just have amazing sex on my living room floor. It’s Spike I worry about as I look around to see how much of his clothing he’s managed to don. He’s gone however, and along with the sound of the front door opening I hear the faint click of the basement door easing shut.

Thank god for vamp speed . . . not something I ever imagined myself being grateful for.

Mom comes into the room carrying a load of papers and way too many grocery bags. I know there’s two of us but we just don’t eat that much in a few days. I jump to take some of the heavier ones.

“Was there a sale at Ralph’s?”

“Oh, thank you for getting that. I’m beginning to see the up side of having a super strong daughter.” Mom grunted as she shifted her remaining bags and followed me into the kitchen, “Actually, I discovered this afternoon that I have to make a buying trip to Paris and between stocking up on animal blood and making sure that you had enough to eat for the next several days . . . well, this is the result.”

“You’re going away?” I’m not so sure this is good news. Things are getting weird and Mom’s presence would have had a dampening effect on whatever the hell is going on between me and Spike. Yes, he’s hot and yes the sex so far has been phenom, but I’ve never completely lost control around someone before. I’ve had sex all of three times in my life, the last two in the space of 24 hours with someone I could honestly say I hated before the events of the past week. I may be seventeen, but I’m not a ho’ bag who has no control over her hormones.

“Oh, honey, I know the timing is bad, but it’s really unavoidable. I feel a little better now that Spike is around to watch your back. He’s quite a nice young man. I had a long conversation with him this afternoon when he woke up. He seems very concerned for your welfare.”

“Spike?!?!?”

“Yes, Spike. I think he’s having a very rough time of it. Do you know he has no memory of what happened to him between the time he fell through that Amalgam statue and last night? It’s all very strange. He’s very polite for a vampire, though. At least he’s much more polite than that Angel person. I have to say, Buffy, that I still don’t like him very much. I know you explained about his soul, but he seems like a very angry individual; even now that he’s supposedly back to normal.”

I can feel my back going up. I may not be sure whether or not I still love Angel, but I feel I should at least try to defend him. On the other hand I just don’t have the energy so I let it drop.

“When will you be back?”

“I leave tonight on the red eye and I should be back by this time next week. I know you still have a few days of school left. I trust you won’t decide to play hooky while I’m gone?”

”Mom, I’ve been responsible for saving the world. Twice. I think I’m responsible enough to make it to Biology Class.”

“Mom smiled, “I know. It’s just that now I know about your extracurricular activities it’s much easier to worry about High School than whether or not you’ll be killed while I’m gone.”

“I doubt that. It’s usually quiet in Sunnydale during the summer,” I say crossing my fingers that this summer won’t be much different than last year when I was in LA with Dad.

Mom pulls out a quart of blood, “Well, I need to pack. Why don’t you heat this up for our guest while I run upstairs to get ready?”

~~~~~

After I get my kit back on I sit, stunned, on the edge of the cot Joyce provided for me. I just had sex with the Slayer and not only was it the most phenomenal thing that’s ever happened to me it also feels extremely familiar; one more thing that doesn’t jive with my memories.

I wish I could remember what happened to me after I was sucked into that bloody statue. I get the feeling it would explain a lot of the weirdness I’m currently goin’ through.

Speaking of weirdness, what’s this about me having a soul! I’ll break the witch’s neck if she’s magicked me into a brooding, pathetic excuse for a vampire like Peaches! It can’t be true, but I realize it must be true as the mere thought of hurting Red makes me feel ill.

What the bloody hell am I gonna do. I’d rather be dead than turn out like Angelus, filthy and hiding in dark alleys, surviving on rats or worse.

Then there’s Buffy. My spirits lift as I think of the Slayer and how she makes me feel. If having a soul means that I can spend more time near her then it may very well be worthwhile. I feel alive in a way I haven’t since I met Dru in that London alley.

Speaking of Dru, I wonder what’s become of her in the past few days. For the first time I can remember, thinking of her doesn’t fill me with love and purpose. I guess that one way trip she meant to send me on cured me of any feeling I had for her.

Odd.

Then again, it’s not so very odd if you think about it. Once I met Dru I never spared Cecily another thought. I never even bothered to go back and kill her proper like Angelus wanted.

Sounds of movement from above break my reverie and I smell Buffy as she passes the basement door. Once again I’m hard as a rock and it takes every ounce of control I possess not to rush upstairs and make the Slayer mine again. I’m surprised by the sound of a growl and realize it’s coming from me. I’ve changed into game face without even realizing it. The demon urges me to take what’s mine and I’m halfway up the stairs before I’m able to get myself under control.

I barely manage to force myself to walk back down the stairs and to the center of the basement when I hear the basement door open and feel Buffy move down the stairs. I’ve met her halfway down and am on top of her before I even realize I’ve moved.

~~~~~

Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Don’t stop! Keep touching me! Don’t ever let go! Don’t ever stop!

Spike rolls over and we crash down to the basement floor; hips writhing together like battling cobras. Spike’s broken my fall which means I get to be on top. Yum!

Before I can enjoy the fruits of my position Spike’s flipped us over assuming the dominant position. He grabs my hands in each of his and pushes them above my head. He’s in game face. I can’t remember whether or not he was when I entered the basement but he is now and a low growl erupts from his chest. The vibrations drive me wild.

I lean up to kiss him but he ducks down instead grabbing the base of my neck in his teeth, without breaking the growl. Somewhere deep in my mind I realize that this is the exact wrong position for a Slayer to be in but I can’t seem to make myself care. I arch my head baring my neck completely to him and wrap my legs around his jutting hips. Again the nagging voice of reason pipes up that this isn’t exactly the actions of someone who is not a ho’ bag but again I can’t seem to make myself care.

A whimper escapes my lips and it seems to jolt Spike into action. Before I know it he’s bitten me; hard enough to break skin but not hard enough to hurt. Actually hurt is exactly the opposite word for how Spike’s bite makes me feel. I feel him take a short draw from where his teeth have sunk in and electricity jolts from my neck right down to the center of my being. Spike withdraws his teeth and grinds out “Mine!” before lowering his head back to my neck to take a second pull.

I hear a voice that sounds like mine whimper “Yes! Oh yes! Yours! All Yours.” but I don’t pay much attention because my left hand has started to tingle like it’s been thrust into a power socket.

Both Spike and I break apart slightly to look up at out hands as flames erupt from where Spike holds my left hand in his right. Spike rocks back on his heels pulling me up with him and our joined hands fall between us as we stare at the cold, painless fire which encases but doesn’t spread from our joined appendages.

tbc

Chapter Eleven

Spike rocks back on his heels pulling me up with him and our joined hands fall between us as we stare at the cold, painless fire which encases but doesn’t spread from our joined appendages.

Bloody Hell. I’m on fire but I’m not burning up. I try to break contact with the Slayer’s hand but I can’t seem to move. Uh oh. There’s a warmth traveling out of where we’re joined and it looks like I’m gonna end up vampire flambé after all.

The heat builds to an excruciating level and it’s all I can do not to scream. I close my eyes and wait for the end as the feeling of heated pressure grows. I think I might explode from it all. I hope Buffy doesn’t get hurt in the process.

I open my mouth to try to warn her to get as low as possible when I hear her speak in awed tones.

“Spike?”

Next thing I know my eyes’re blown open and my head’s forced back like I’m an exploding champagne bottle as the pressure that’s been building in me expels itself from every orifice I possess. The room grows white. This is the end of my run I guess.

Top o’ the world, Ma!

~~~~~

The tingle grows as I stare at the flames that surround our joined hands. A memory of a memory nibbles at the back of my brain but I set it aside as the tingle turns into a strange leaking feeling. Spike seems to be drawing all my body heat into him through our hands. Instead of getting cold, however, I feel like I’m sunbathing. As if my body is compensating by producing more heat. A lot more beat

My heart starts to beat faster and I start to pant. I’m getting more and more excited as the moments tick by. Am I going to orgasm? I find the energy to focus my eyes on Spike. His heads down and it looks like he’s in pain. He’s also starting to glow.

Weird.

Gorgeous.

“Spike?”

Suddenly Spike’s head spasms back and light shoots out of his open mouth and eyes. He looks like a radioactive disco ball as he lights the entire room with his inner fire. I have time to think that I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life before I lose consciousness.

~~~~~

I’m starkers. It’s the first thing I’m aware of when I come to. I don’t open my eyes yet. I’m afraid of what I’ll see. Never was one for hell. Always preferred the mortal plane if you get my meaning. Don’t want to know if I’m alive or dead yet.

Next thing I’m aware of is that not only am I naked, but there’s a naked body laying on top of me. It’s Buffy. Great. I’m in hell and I’ve got an erection. Nothing good can come of this.

‘Course, what’s the Slayer doing in hell?

I decide there’s nothing to it and crack open an eye. We’re still in the basement. The room’s walls are scorched and neither of us survived clothing intact, but from what I can tell from Buffy’s vitals we’re both alive and unharmed.

I feel like I just had the longest, hardest, most satisfying sexual encounter in my existence and we never even got around to lowering our zippers when Buffy came down the stairs.

Wait a mo’. I’ve got a naked Buffy on top of me and I’m not in hell. Something’s got to be done about this.

~~~~~

Kissage.

Yummy kissage.

I come to and realize that Spike’s conscious and is trying to wake me up with slow wet kisses all over my face. My heart starts to beat quickly again. Let’s not mention the panting. I feel good all over and it’s not just from the Spike kissage.

“Spike?”

“Yeah, luv?”

“What just happened?”

“Dunno, luv. Think about it later.”

Oh...oh...his hand’s in my favorite place, “’kay.”

“Luv?”

“Yeah, Spike?”

“What about your mum?”

“She left for Paris for a week. She’d have said goodbye, but she was in a real rush not to miss her flight.” Tired of talking I reach down and grab hold of Spike’s most impressive feature.

“Aughh...good on that.”

We stop speaking for quite a while.



I have no idea how long Spike and I have been having fun together when I hear a knock on the front door. We’ve been all over the house, aside from my mom’s room since that’s just creepy, and we’ve recently come to rest on the living room floor. I do know that I have no idea where my clothes are. Since the explosion that burned away everything we were wearing neither of us has had the opportunity or desire to get dressed.

“Hold on!” I shout at the door as I rush upstairs to get some clothes. “Spike! Come on!”

We get to my room and I thrust some more sweats at Spike as I grab the easiest thing I own and throw it over myself. It’s a frumpy old blue floral dress I haven’t worn since we came to Sunnydale. It makes me look like I should be pushing copies of The Watchtower.

I leave Spike to finish getting dressed and rush to open the front door.

“Willow! What’s up?” I plaster the biggest, I have not been having sex all over my house for God knows how long, smile on my face as I can muster as I usher her into the living room. I hope the place doesn’t reek.

“What do you mean ‘What’s up?’ Where have you been? Are you sick? How come no one’s answering the phone?”

I glance guiltily at the phone which was knocked across the room and off the hook some time ago.

“I’m not sick. Why would you think I’m sick?”

“Well you haven’t been to school in three days. I assumed the only reason your mom would let you stay home from school is if you were sick. Oh,” she continues on in a stage whisper, “you’re not cutting are you?”

“Willow, what are you talking about? My Mom left for France earlier today and it’s the weekend. School doesn’t start until tomorrow.”

Willow looks at me like I just sprouted another head and started singing show tunes.

“Buffy. It’s Wednesday.”

Huh?

tbc

Chapter Twelve

“What are you talking about, Willow?”

Willow looks like she wants to take my temperature. “Buffy, it’s Wednesday. You’ve missed three days of school. Giles is worried sick!

There’s a noise as Spike comes down the stairs and enters the living room.

“Red.”

Willow’s eyes get very big and she looks like she wants to bolt. I realize I’m proud of her when she takes a deep shaky breath and remains where she stands.

“Spike.”

‘kay, that was definitely a squeak, but points for not running away from the big bad vampire you’ve only heard was good by hearsay.

My heart starts to race as my body becomes aware that Spike’s in the room. I have to make a conscious effort not to run over to him and drag his shirt back off. My breath catches at the idea and I actually take a step towards him when I realize Willow is still in the room.

Total weirdness. What’s going on with me that I was actually thinking of making out with Spike with my friend in the room? That I’m still thinking about making out with Spike. That I can’t stop thinking about making out with Spike?

My breathing quickens and I notice that Spike’s staring at me and struggling with himself as well.

Something’s not right, here.

I look at Willow, who’s noticed the strain Spike and I are under.

“Buffy? Are you okay?”

“I think we need to go to the library.”



“So this strange attraction you feel towards Spike started after he returned from the dimension Acathla sent him to?” Giles has cleaned his glasses so many times during this conversation so far that I’d be surprised if he has any lenses left.

“Well...” how do you tell your watcher that you’ve always been attracted to your major nemesis but not as strongly as in recent days?

“Let’s say that any attraction I felt was nowhere near as intense as it is now.”

Spike actually preens which is sorta annoying. It makes me want to kiss him. Of course I’ve recently learned that Spike grunting, breathing, scratching his ear, picking at his nail polish or pretending to belch also makes me want to kiss him. Let’s not go into what his smiling makes me want to do. Really. Let’s not.

Willow looks at me askance, “Does that mean that you were hot for Spike when I was locked in that closet with Cordelia on Parent Teacher Night?”

I’d give her an apologetic look if it was possible to tear my eyes away from Spike’s.

Giles sighs once he realizes all attention has drifted away from him yet again. He’s been sighing a lot this evening. “Let’s go over everything again. You and Spike have been intimate,” Giles blanches at the idea, “how many times since he’s reappeared?”

Spike snorts and I give him a dirty look even though it makes me want to run my hands under his shirt. I make a conscious effort to answer Giles’ question. “I don’t know ... somewhere around ... maybe ... 75 times?”

Spike grins and nods in agreement. My mouth waters and I start to twitch.

“Dear Lord!” And the glasses snap in two which makes me giggle. “Do you have any idea how long you were at it during your last, well ... that is to say ... interlude?”

“Well, Mom left on Sunday so I guess it’s been since then.” I can’t seem to sit still in my seat.

“Buffy, please attempt to refrain from squirming. You say that Sunday night was also the night you both lost consciousness?”

“Uh huh.”

“How long do you think you remained in an unconscious state?”

“Not very. Mom asked me to heat up some blood for Spike; which I did right after she left. I went downstairs to tell him it was ready and it was still warm and in the same place I left it on the kitchen counter when we came back upstairs after ... ummm ... after we ... well, you know.”

“Yes, I’ll thank you to refrain from explicit detail.”

“Oi, I wouldn’t mind rehashing some of the details.” Spike speaks for the first time since we got here and it makes my breath stop.

“Spike, please. By my calculations, then you’ve been intimate 75 times during the last 72 hours. That’s more than once an hour, every hour for the past three days. That’s simply impossible.”

“Not for vampires.” Spike wraps his tongue over his teeth and grins wolfishly. I’m out of my seat and straddling his lap before anyone can blink.

Finally. I’m kissing Spike again and everything feels back to normal. I don’t like not being able to touch him. It makes me feel all funny and unhappy inside. Spike growls, thrusting his tongue down my throat and I think I hear voices but I decide to dismiss them. I’ve been very patient and it’s time for Spike kissage now.

~~~~~

Slayer may not realize it but we’re under some pretty strong mojo. I don’t understand where the feeling that Buffy and I have been intimate before comes from but I’m also very much aware that it was never like this. I know it was spectacular, earth shattering and more than likely the best I ever had in my entire existence but it was never so strong that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other even with conscious effort.

I hear Giles and the witch discussing us in the background. I decide if they come up with anything truly important they’ll interrupt us to let us know so it’s safe to keep snoggin’ my girl. The witch sounds excited ... you know ... that’s another thing. Why do I keep referring to Red as ‘The Witch’?

Yeah, she restored Angel’s soul, but as far as I know that’s the only spell she’s ever performed. Why do I get the feeling that she’s truly scary and a force to be reckoned with? I’ll have to try to remember to ask Buffy later.

I can hear Willow’s voice raised in fear. Something’s goin’ on in the room and I’m just about to quirk an eye to get a look see when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I hear the growl of a furious vampire.

The next thing I know, Buffy’s yanked off my lap, causing me to topple over in my chair.

I look up to see the Slayer struggling out of Angelus’ grasp as he glares at me.

“Spike!”

tbc

Chapter Thirteen

“Spike!”

My face changes and I can feel a growl erupt from my chest before I even register what’s goin’ on. Damned Angelus is pulling at my girl trying to take her from me. I’m about to leap for his throat when the most delicious thing I’ve ever seen happens.

My Slayer winds up and delivers a Buffy Special right to Peaches’ nose. She’s back in my arms before his blood spurts. It’s not enough, though. It’s time Peaches learns not to touch what’s not his. I may have had to take his shite back in the day and I may have had to put up with him and Dru’s antics when I was trapped in the chair, but no more. Never again.

With a roar I leap at him with the intention of permanently wiping that hurt puppy look he’s shooting my Slayer off his face. My first punch rocks his head back and breaks skin. I feel an odd flash in my brain and my chest burns for a mo’ but it’s not enough to shock me out of my blood rage.

We trade blows for a few and suddenly my world goes blurry and fades to black. The last thing I see is a furious Angelus standing over me before I lose consciousness completely.

~~~~~

Hey! Where’d my Spike kisses go!

I see him laying on the library floor where he’s fallen out of the chair we were sitting in. He’s got a look of pure fury on his face aimed at whoever or whatever it is that’s pulling me out of his grasp.

“Spike!” I hear a familiar voice grate out next to my shoulder. Great. It’s Angel. I guess this wasn’t the best way for him to find out about Spike and me, but isn’t he overreacting just a tiny bit?

“Let me go!” I grunt as I try to shrug out of his grasp.

“Not if you’re just going to go back to touching that thing!” Angel indicates Spike.

Okay. Now I’m mad. Did I ever once insult Angel’s choice in women to his face? I mean, come on, Darla and Dru? He couldn’t have given me more ammunition if he’d loaded me a gun! Did I use it? No. How dare he insult Spike when I was so painfully silent about those two. . .

I cold cock him before I even realize I made a fist.

On the up side Angel’s surprised enough to let my arm go and I hurry back to Spike’s side. Unfortunately the angry growl Spike’s been emitting since Angel pulled me away has turned into a roar of rage and he’s past me and on top of Angel before I can stop him.

Spike’s fist lands hard on Angel’s jaw and suddenly the room is bathed in light as if someone set of a flashbulb. Spike’s shirt flashes into flame over his left pectoral and a similar flame erupts from Angel’s cheek where Spike’s first blow landed. I can see a funny mark where a bruise should be but my attention is drawn away as the two furious vampires begin to battle in earnest.

Over my shoulder I hear Giles swear. I don’t really know what to do. I want to break up the fight, but unless it swings too hard in one vamp’s favor any interruption I cause may do more damage than good.

I hear the crack of a tranquilizer gun from where Giles and Willow were standing and Spike falls to the ground out cold. I’m furious that Giles would sabotage Spike that way and I’m about to run over to pull Angel away from where he’s beating on Spike’s unconscious body when the tranq gun cracks again and Angel falls down next to Spike.

“Quickly, Buffy, before the anesthetic wears off, lock Angel in the book depository. We need to make sure that Spike and Angel cannot, under any circumstances, hurt each other.”

“Color me a peppy shade of confused, Giles, but that’s the last thing I ever thought I’d hear you say.”

“It’s the Mark,” Giles sighed and I can just tell he wishes he had glasses to clean right now. “If you look carefully I’m betting you’ll see it either transferred itself from Spike to Angel or it’s duplicated itself. Check Spike’s Mark to see if it’s still there while I confirm the Mark that now seems to be on Angel’s cheek. I daresay we may be in more danger than I originally thought.”

I pull Spike’s sweat shirt up to reveal the odd shaped scar, still present on his chest. “It’s still here, Giles.”

“And it seems Angel has spawned a Mark of Cain as well. On the one hand certain perplexing things are more understandable than they were before; on the other everything is now much more complicated.

“Willow, please hand me the roll of parchment on the corner of the table. Buffy, please stay by Spike’s side and make sure, when he regains consciousness, that he cannot hurt Angel in any way.”

Grinning I sit on the floor and cradle Spike’s head in my lap. I love it when Giles gives me the fun jobs. I brush Spike’s hair out of his face, surprised at how soft it is. Since his reappearance he’s had no access to whatever it is he uses to plaster his hair against his scalp and it’s been curling around his head like a dandelion for the past several days. I like it. I like it a lot.

“It seems we now have the answer to our earlier question as to why you’ve suddenly developed such a strong attraction to Spike.”

I bristle at this comment. Giles is going to minimize my feelings and he’s just wrong!

“I’ve been researching the possibility that the first evil act in the world, the killing of Abel by his brother Cain in a jealous rage, may have manifested itself into a conscious being. Something not quite a god, yet not a demon either. It seems I was right. Whatever this “First Evil” is it appears it has a vested interest in making sure that Spike and Angel kill each other. Quite possibly if it recreates the situation that created it, it can strengthen its hold in this world; possibly even manifesting itself physically.

“That would explain why you and Spike can’t seem to stay away from each other. In order to produce a psychotic jealousy between the entities chosen victims, Spike and Angel, it created a situation where you would chose one over the other.

“The only remaining question is; why did it choose these particular vampires? Angel, I could understand. He has a soul and an evil entity gains power by corrupting a human soul, but why Spike?”

I look at Giles confused, “Spike has a soul, too.”

“What!?!”

“Didn’t I tell you? Since he got back from Acathla he’s had a soul. At least that’s what I assumed once he told me how he couldn’t stop feeling remorse and guilt.”

“Well, it’s now evident that we have a rather urgent need to find out exactly what happened to Spike between the time he disappeared into Acathla and the time he reappeared.”

Willow’s voice interrupts nervously, “Giles, I think Angel is waking up.”

That’s when I feel Spike stir against my lap.

tbc

Please, please, please review. I'm a new enough author that each review is a shot in my typing fingers

Chapter Fourteen

“My poor, poor Spike, reaching for the sunshine when all it does is burn.”

I open my eyes and Dru’s swaying like a snake in front of me as if she’d been in the library all along. Can’t say as I remember her arriving. Must have been when I was down for the count. I can hear Buffy and the bloody Scoobies arguing in the background and Angelus is laying on the floor in a locked cage. Good on that.

Dru sees me glance at her precious Daddy and wanders over to the cage.

“It’s not fair, you know.” She glances back at me, “Daddy never asked for the sunshine. Not like the Black Knight did. It’s not fair that Princess loses both. I do so miss my daddy. The bad dog was never a suitable replacement.

Dru swiveled her head towards me and started meandering behind me, “The King of Cups finally had his birthday but no one went to the party.”

“Dru, I’m not in the mood for your babbling. ’Ve got a pounding headache and you rarely make any sense.”

“It doesn’t matter, my Sweet William. You think you’ve moved up and away, but she’ll leave you for him just like I did, and will again. Just look at them. Miss Edith says they’re soulmates and the fairies sing about their love.”

I look over at the Poof and Buffy’s in the cage with him. They’re kissing and between kisses she’s staring into his eyes like he’s the answer to all her questions; in a way she’s never looked at me. I see his hands grab her closer and suddenly I’m angrier than I ever remember being before in my entire existence. When I finally manage to get off the ground and leap at the bastard to pull him off my girl I don’t even notice that Dru’s nowhere to be seen.


I don’t make it very far.

I experience a weird falling rush when I realize that I never actually stood up at all. In fact I’m layin’ on the floor with my head on the Slayer’s lap and she’s holdin’ me down by the shoulders. Just like her! Protecting her precious Angel from the big bad! All she’s ever seen in me is a monster not like her beloved Angel! Even after he left her to fend for herself.....

Confusion sets in as I try to recall what the bloody hell I’m talking about. I don’t remember Angel ever leaving so why am I so sure he did? Jumping to my feet after roughly shrugging off whatever’s holding me down I’m surprised and confused again to hear Buffy grunt in pain. How’d she get behind me so fast?

I glare at her remembering the lance of pain I felt when I saw her kissing HIM.

She looks confused and hurt. Well join the club missy!

~~~~~

Why’s Spike so mad at me?

Before I can ask him I realize Angel’s up and on his feet, “Get away from her, Spike!”

Spike’s eyes narrow in fury and he glances over at Angel before he grabs me roughly by the elbows and pulls me towards him for a punishing kiss. I can’t help it. Even though I know he’s kissing me out of anger I hear myself moaning as I grab his head closer.

Just as my mind goes completely blank Spike rips his mouth off mine with an ugly chuckle. In a daze I hear his voice taunting Angel.

“Looks like the lady doesn’t want me to get away from her. Could it be that you don’t satisfy her, Peaches?”

He’s glaring at me again and I can feel my eyes water. I have no idea why he’s so angry, “Spike?” I reach for him again and try to pull him back into my arms.

With a growl of pain and rage Spike shoves me to the floor. When I cry out in pain he drags his hands through his hair and his face flashes confusion for a moment before settling back into anger. “Still not done using me, huh Slayer?”

With that he’s out the library door before I can respond.

I hear Giles, Willow and Angel talking but all I can do is sit on the floor in tears. I have no idea what happened but it feels like part of me has been ripped in half. I don’t know what I’m going to do if Spike doesn’t come back.

I jump to my feet intent on following him and begging him to forgive me for whatever it is I did when Angel comes up behind me and pulls me into his arms.

“It’s okay, Buffy. I’ve got you. We’ll figure out what spell is doing this to you and fix it. Before you know it everything will be back to normal.”

I shove myself out of Angel’s arms. How does he know what normal is? I’m about to run out the door when I realize two things: one, I have no idea where Spike may have gone and two, there is something wrong with me. No. I don’t think my feelings for Spike are artificial. They’re too deep to be spell driven. However, my reactions are all off. I’m no crybaby! Why do I want to run to Spike begging when he’s the one who acted like a jerk?!

I realize that something mystical is going on and I look over at Giles with a sigh.

“Where do you recommend we begin? I assume there are tons of books involved”

I’ll just have to hope that Spike comes back under his own steam.

Chapter Fifteen

What the bloody hell is going on? Why am I so confused? Time to make a list of the things I remember.

One. I made a deal with Buffy to get Dru away from Angel so she could stop Alcathla.

Two. I didn’t have the heart to let Angel kill Buffy, at the time it was simply because I wanted to reserve that right for myself. That’s changed and I don’t remember why. Could it be the soul? How did I get a soul anyway?

Three. Dru, loving dear that she is, pushed me through the statue instead of her darling daddy and I guess that closed the damned thing. Go me. I’m a soddin’ hero.

Four. Things get really blurry after that. I keep getting glimpses but I have no real memory of where I was or what I did until I woke up in the Slayer’s bedroom. I can now tolerate sunlight, though it’s no pleasure. I can see myself in a mirror and I can sometimes light up like Disco Stu when Buffy and I hold hands.

Five. I’m soddin’ head over heels in love with the Slayer and I feel like I have been for a long time. I know I didn’t feel that way before Acathla so when and how exactly did that happen?

Six. It seems Dru can now teleport and cause me to see visions. She’s always had the ability with humans but she’s never been able to use it on me before. Either she’s gotten more powerful or I’m goin’ stark raving bonkers.

Come to think of it, was Dru even really there? I thought I’d stood up and I thought Buffy was in the cage with Himself but if she was and if I did why did I end up flat on my back again on Buffy’s lap? Could it have been a dream?

I guess it’s possible.

With a sigh I realize there’s only one thing to do.

I gotta go back to the library, hat in hand, and ask them for help tryin’ to figure this out.

I hope Buffy isn’t mad at me.

~~~~~

I’m mad at Spike! I have to keep telling myself this since it seems to be the only thing able to keep me in my chair researching rather than running through the town in search of him to beg him to forgive me.

I’m mad at Spike, dammit! I haven’t done anything that warrants forgiveness! Stay focused, Bufster! Angry Slayer! Pissed off! MAD AT SPIKE!

I wish he were back.

“Buffy,” Giles’ voice rudely interrupts my inner monolog, “would you mind sharing why you can’t seem to keep still? Your squirming has knocked several extremely rare and fragile texts onto the floor and I’d like to know whether or not I should get a book trolley to salvage the remains of my collection.”

I blink at Giles. Unfortunately this brings Angel into my line of vision. Something I’d been striving to avoid almost as much as I’ve been trying to stay angry at Spike. He stares sadly at me like a kicked puppy.

I know at some point I have to deal with this. I just have no idea what to say.

Again my inner monolog and I are interrupted. This time by Angel. “Buffy, could I talk to you.”

Damn! Not only do I have to make an appointment to monolog, now I have to deal with my feelings for Angel, which - let me just say - not easy to explain.

I follow him to the hall outside the library like a death row convict on her last, long walk.

“Buffy, what’s going on?”

“Whaddya mean? We’re researching. Ergo, research is going on.”

“You know what I mean, Buffy! What’s going on between us? Why were you kissing Spike of all people? Was it to get back at me?”

“Wow, ego much?” Ooops. That slipped out.

“Then explain to me what’s going on, Buffy! Don’t you love me anymore?”

I stare at Angel quietly for quite some time. I’ve been avoiding this conversation successfully for almost a week and I’m frustrated that I can’t think of a single way to stay avoidy.

I finally take a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know.” Angel looks like this was exactly the answer he was expecting. Not!

“Yes, Angel. I have no idea. Less than ten days ago I was reconciling myself with the necessity of killing you! Seven days ago you tried very hard and almost successfully to kill me. I can’t go from needing to kill you back to everything is lovey-dovey between us just like that! It’s not that simple! I still don’t understand why you couldn’t love me without a soul!”

“I explained that!” Angel’s frustrated now. “Vampires don’t love! The have no souls!”

“Spike did.”

I say it so quietly that I don’t think Angel hears me until he explodes. “Is that what this is all about? Spike hasn’t always had a soul, you know!”

I stare at Angel once I realize what he just said. “How did you know he has a soul? I never told you and you weren’t around when I told Giles and Willow.”

I could just tell. Ever since he reappeared. I can’t believe you’re punishing me with Spike because I made you feel unloved when I had no soul!”

Tears are running down my face as I once again struggle to feel anger towards a man in my life. “No! God! How can you think that? Have I ever manipulated you like that? Isn’t that more an Angelus thing?”

Angel has the good grace to look chagrinned. “No, you haven’t...but Buffy, I don’t understand what’s going on between you and Spike!”

“Join the club. Angel, I’m sorry if you’re getting hurt and I wish I could tell you exactly what I feel and why. For all I really know everything Spike and I feel right now is all because of some spell. All I can say is that right now I have feelings for him and I need to act on those feelings.”

Angel runs his hands roughly through his hair which makes it stand up more on end than usual. “Okay, Buffy, but you can’t expect me to sit and watch you figure out your feelings for a guy I can’t stand. Give me a call when you figure yourself out,” and just like that he takes off down the hall in a flurry of self righteousness.

I stand stunned like a deer on the highway as I realize that Angel must have known about Spike’s soul when he tried to convince me to stake Spike right after he reappeared in the living room of the mansion. Luckily this time there’s no inner monolog to interrupt when Spike’s voice drifts over my shoulder.

“So that’s it then, there’s definitely a spell makin’ us have feelings for each other?”

I whirl around at his voice, which makes me want to cry it’s so dejected. “No!”

“Spike, I...we don’t know what’s going on. Giles hasn’t actually found any evidence of a spell affecting our emotions and it doesn’t feel like a spell to me. It feels real and old like I’ve loved you for a long time even though I don’t remember it.”

I’m crying again. So much for not being a little Cry-Buffy.

Spike opens his arms and I throw myself into a long, strong hug before I can blink.

So much for being mad at Spike.

Chapter Sixteen

Buffy, we need to talk.”

Ugh. What is it with souled vampires always wanting to talk? I snuggle deeper into the warmth of Spike’s embrace and ignore him.

“I’m serious luv, I think we need to talk.”

Wait. Something’s wrong. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I grab a tighter hold of Spike and snuggle my face into the heat of Spike’s glorious chest while I ponder the problem.

“Buffy, you can’t keep ignoring me. I need to know where we stand! We’ve got this incredible...”

“Heat!” My head jerks back in surprise.

“Well, yeah. We’ve got this incredible heat between us but...”

“No. You’re hot!”

Spike smiles, “I think you’re quite a cutie yourself, Buffy, but that doesn’t address...”

“No Spike! You’re not cold! You have body heat!”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Vampires are cold! Why are you warm?”

“Dunno. Maybe it has something to do with having a reflection and why I can stand sunlight.”

”What?!”

“First thing I discovered when I came to in your room...and by the way you still need to tell me what happened between us the night before that...was that I had a reflection. I did an experiment and I can do sunlight as well. Hurts like a son of a bitch, though.”

Face flaming from embarrassment I asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Hopefully my question will distract Spike from asking further about the night before he became coherent again.

“Was kind of busy, luv. It just never came up.” A wolfish smile spreads across his face as his tongue wraps around his teeth. My temperature soars in response. “Not once other things started coming up.”

I playfully swat him across the chest, “Spike, you’re a pig.”

With breathtaking speed he grabs my hands, lacing his fingers with mine, and pushes me up against the wall behind me. He’s pressed up against me and has pinned my hands above my head. I lose the ability to breathe when he starts to slowly grind his hips against mine.

“You know you love it, Slayer.”

I can’t think. “Buffy.”

“Hmmm?”

“Call me Buffy.”

“Buffy.” Spike whispers as he bends his head and almost catches my lips in a kiss. I gasp and try to capture his lips. Spike pulls his head just out of reach which causes me to whimper. “Tell me you’re mine, Buffy.”

“Yours. All yours, Spike.”

His eyes darken when I say his name and he leans in for a deep kiss. I can feel the strange draining feeling in my hand again but I’m unable to either do anything about it or care that it’s happening. All I can think about is getting closer to Spike.

~~~~~

Can’t say as I’m happy to hear the grand poof’s voice as I approach the Library door. It’s a balm to my troubled psyche that he sounds angry and frustrated.

“Vampires don’t love! They have no souls!”

It’s Buffy’s response that halts my steps in order to hear the rest of the conversation. I’m not eavesdropping! I just don’t want to interrupt.

“Spike did.”

Happiness floods my entire being. For once in my existence someone compares me to Peaches and I come out ahead. Angel goes on for a bit and, of course, tries to make whatever it is between Buffy and me into being all about him. I half listen as I bask in the feeling of Buffy’s approval until I hear something that freezes my soul.

”... For all I really know everything Spike and I feel right now is all because of some spell...

Is that what she really thinks? That there’s a spell makin’ me care about her? Is that why she’s actin’ like she cares about me?

I stand there feeling sick to my stomach until Angel storms past, too angry to even lash out at me. I step around the corner where Buffy’s watching the spot Angel must have disappeared from her sight.

It’s encouraging that the first thing she does is throw herself in my arms.

I still need to know what’s going on between us, though.

Buffy’s not willing to discuss it. I press the issue and she sidesteps me by going on about the temperature of my skin. As if that’s important compared to the state of our relationship.

Suddenly I smell something so tantalizing that I’ve got Buffy up against a wall before I realize I’ve moved. Seems the Slayer’s got a yen.

I grab her hands and lean in for a kiss. We banter verbally until I can’t deny myself any longer. Don’t care what anyone thinks. Buffy’s mine. All mine and I’ll never let her go!

My thoughts are so consumed by the thought that I don’t even realize until it’s way too late that we’ve started to glow again. I’m past caring. I concentrate on kissing Buffy instead.


This time when I come to we’re still clothed. Good thing too as the Watcher and Red are standing above us yelling in panicked voices about fire and light and explosions. There’s a poster about just sayin’ “no” above my head that is slowly curling into cinders. The doors to the Library are swinging back and forth and it looks like the glass in those little windows has melted until there’s just bent wire mesh in them. Beneath us there’s a scorched image of two people in an intimate embrace.

Huh.

Cinders and ash from the peg board above us drift about our heads creating the impression that it’s snowing in the hallway. I look down at Buffy, still out cold laying in my arms. She’s got ash in her hair. Lor’, she’s beautiful. I reach out and run my fingers from her jaw, down her throat in veneration.

Watcher doesn’t take kindly to that. He shouts at me to get away from his Slayer and tries to shove something in my face. I don’t even look away from her. I grab whatever it is out of his hands and watch as Buffy begins to stir.

For some reason he and Red quiet down really quick like.

It’s not until Buffy’s eyes start to blink open that I realize the piece of wood I grabbed from Giles and am holding in my hand is a crucifix.


tbc - in the next chapter; “Whistler while you work.”