---

Buffy felt terrible.
Not the way she felt like most of the time these days, but even more awful than usual.
Tears were forming in her green eyes, as she lay on her bed, curled up like a kitten, holding her own legs.

Not only did she got sucked into some freaky dimension today and refused some incredible new powers; she had also been horrible to all her friends, the potentials, and Spike.

This last thing was something she just couldn’t let go of.
Her friends would be fine, she knew that.

She had threatened them even worse in the past, and they were familiar with little outbursts. And the potentials…Well, she just really didn’t find the time to care that much, since they weren’t that keen on her anyway.

But Spike, God. The things she had said to him. It pained her more then she could have ever imagined.
At that moment, in that room, it had been almost like old times: She, hating herself for what had happened; and he: Being an easy target for her to fire at.

But it hadn’t helped her calm down, oh no. It had only made things worse.
He had listened to her and understood her when nobody had. He had loved her, watched her back (literally), and risked his life for a soul. A soul, for god sake!

He had suffered for her, and done anything against…., the vampire law or whatever they called it in the vampire world. Ok, he had done his share of wickedness, but he had changed into this “good” hearted person for her, and for love.

She had said it herself, only a few weeks ago before The First came along and had held him hostage for days. And now she, Buffy Anne Summers, had spit on all of his good deeds in front of everybody, and humiliated him.

She had even told him she wanted the old Spike back. A fresh tear rolled over her check and ended up in the corner of her mouth; salt.

That was just plain horrible. It wasn’t even true, but she did know why she had said it. She had said it because she did miss one thing about the old Spike: He had told her he loved her; all the time, even though she did not wanted to hear it from him, back then.

The new Spike hadn’t said anything like that since he had been back.
And however she had acted like his confessions had bothered her at the time; it had been one of the few things in her life she had been sure of.

Right now she wasn’t sure of anything.
Not of Spike’s feelings for her, and her feelings for Spike. And that had frustrated her even more. Something had changed between then, but she had trouble figuring out what exactly.

Her clock radio told her it was 3.26 in the morning and her tossing, turning and brooding hadn’t really helped her feeling sleepy. She knew some things had to be settled before she could finally rest. She didn’t know what those things were exactly, but she did know it had everything to do with Spike.

He was probably feeling just as miserable as she was, and that thought alone killed her.
She had to tell him that what she had said wasn’t true, that she…..loved him for getting his soul and trying to be a better man. For being there for her.

But there was that word again: Love. God, how she loathed that word. She just didn’t know when or how to feel it. And everybody though they had the right to tell her who to love and who not. Because right was right, and wrong was wrong.

It was never that easy, never that black and white. She sure knew that. Love was never easy, but seemed extra difficult for a Slayer. ‘Or perhaps only extra difficult for me.’ She thought a little depressed.

She finally sat up, pulled her covers away and rested her bare feet on the cold floor.
She had to go see him.

************************************************************

“Spike? I know you are awake.”

“Oh bloody hell woman. Can’t a man rest in peace without getting disturbed by potential slayers, slayer groupies, or worse; A slayer?”

Ouch, He was definitely pissed.

“Spike, we need to talk.”

“We are not involved anymore, so you don’t have to break up with me again: So you can feel better about yourself . I’m just here to help, so if this is not about demon issues you need me to help you with, you better go.”

“Will you please just turn around and look at me; I want to talk to you.”

Spike had been facing the wall the entire time. He wasn’t planning on showing her the pain he was feeling since her sharp words that afternoon, but wasn’t convinced he was able to do so if he had to look her in the face.

If she wanted the old Spike back: The one how killed demons, like he had done that evening, the serial killer in prison and the person who wasn’t true to anyone but himself, then she would get him. That was what she had asked for, and that was what he was given her.

Spike had been thinking just that, over and over. Deep down his un-dead heart was bleeding, but after all of this he could never show her that, because she needed him strong. She would think even less of him. No, he was going to play it cool, and show her the old Spike was still there, even though he knew he was lying to himself.

But then, he had felt her presence. She had come down the stairs of the basement so quietly he could barely hear her. But he had known she had been there, he always knew. She had stood there for about five minutes before she had spoken, not making a sound.

And he had just been lying there, facing the wall, and pretending she wasn’t there, although he knew she knew. He had given her some smartass remarks, not knowing what she really wanted from him. But the pleading in her soft voice made him turn around, and look at her.

Christ, she had been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she looked so broken. His whole plan of being cruel and soulless like he once had been disappeared at once.

“Buffy, you have been crying?”

…………………………

“Buffy?”

“What?”

“Have you been crying?”

“Yes, I have alright. I was upset.”

“‘About what, luv?”

She couldn’t believe he was asking her that. Did he not know she really cared about him? Ok, I guess not, and well….she couldn’t blame him.

Although the pet name on the end of his sentence assured her he wasn’t going to be mad for a long time. He never was.

She was suddenly distracted when Spike sat up and the tiny window above the bed allowed a beam of moonlight to fall upon his sharp cheekbones. God, she had almost forgotten how beautiful he was.

“Buffy, about what? Are you ok, pet?”

“About…You know. What I said today! God Spike, what is wrong with you.”

Ok, he hadn’t seen that one coming.
His Buffy stood there so helpless and fragile; he just wanted to hold her like a baby. Not that he would ever try to make a move though. Not after…

She finally walked over to his bed and sat down: Her face buried in her hands. It felt a little like the day he had wanted to kill her with a rifle and found her on the back porch, crying.

So he did the only thing he was able to do then, and the only right thing to do now; he laid his hand on her back, softly petting, and said nothing. Waiting for her to flinch and walk away from him. Well, let’s say he was wrong.

When Buffy felt his hand on her, something she had secretly wanted for so long, her head jolted right up and before she knew what she was doing she had thrown herself into his arms, burying her head into his slender muscular shoulder and started sobbing.

Spike, who had really not seen that one coming, wanted to back away. She shouldn’t want this, she hated him. But still, he could never reject her, so he just rapped his arms around her and played with strands of her golden hair, still silent, and letting her cry.

Buffy did not know how awful she actually had felt, until now. She wept for her mother, her death, her mistakes, and of course Spike. She knew she needed to let this out, if she ever wanted to get over all of this; forget about the past. And he was the only one who would let her cry without questions, or pity. They sat like that for what seemed like hours till Spike heard her muffle something against his now wet arm.

“Imwzozrrlyike”

“What was that, luv?”

“I said, I’m so sorry Spike. I didn’t mean what I said today, you know that. I just….I miss the times we spend together back then. I miss…I miss you”

“Buffy, God I’ll never. …”

But before he could finish that sentence, Buffy leaned over and kissed him on the lips, so carefully it was like she though he was made of glass. Spike could help himself, and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her closer. This random action was going to leave them with so many more questions and doubts later, but he didn’t care. He wanted her.

Buffy moaned as he deepened the kiss and she ran her tong over his full lower lip. He groaned and opened his mouth to give her full access, while his pants were getting a little too tight. God, if she would keep wriggling against him like that there would be hell to pay in a matter of minutes.

She explored and tasted his mouth like it was the first time, and so did he. His hands were now slipping under her large t-shirt and circled over her bare back. Up and down over her spine, up…and down.

Those hands: They made her shiver with need, and she tried to pull him even closer, wrapping her legs around him and running her fingers trough the hair on the back of his neck. She felt his need for her trough his tight jeans and it made her more then proud to realize she still did that to him. Her hands started wondering around underneath his shirt and he gasped when she run her fingers over his abdomen. This was just getting better and better. Or…maybe …..

“Spike, are you down there?”

Andrew yelled in a annoying high-pitched voice and they heard him coming down the stairs. Cursing under their breath they distanced themselves from each other. Buffy stood up and took a few steps from his bed, pretending she had never been on it.

Spike saw her cheeks were flushed, her hair a little messy, her clothes slightly out of place and her lips red and swollen from his kisses. If he looked only half of what she looked like right now, they were never going to get away with this.

“I know you already said no, but are you sure I can’t videotape you when you sleep, cause I…”

Andrew finally made it down the stairs and his eye fell on the slightly ravaged-looking Buffy.

“Oh Buffy I didn’t knew you were here.”

Then his eyes widened.

“Wait a minute; you can cut the sexual tension with a knife in here. Did you guys…. Are you guys..?”

“Andrew, what the hell are you doing down here, it’s 4 something in the morning.”

Interrupted Buffy, with a voice that sounded nothing like her own. Her cheeks turned into a shade of what was almost purple. Spike was not as uncomfortable as he was furious, he felt like ripping the little twit his throat out. He obviously interrupted something that could have led to something he had wanted since what seemed like forever, and there he was asking him gay questions about videotaping him while he was sleeping again.

“I couldn’t sleep and I was bored, and Spike is like, always awake so…”

“So you thought you had the right to come done here and disturb my private time. We talked about this Andrew.”

Spike got of the bed, grabbed Andrew by his collar and pushed him roughly up the stairs again.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch! Ok, ok, I’ll leave.”

“And you will tell no one about this, understood?”

Spike said in a low and dangerous voice, while he gave an extra tug on Andrews’s collar. Andrews face lit up like it was his birthday.

“Oh, you mean I can not tell anyone about you guys; a vampire and the slayer of the vampires, feeling these feelings of deep and pass…”

But Spike let out such a dangerous growl; he wisely shut his mouth and walked to the door.

“Right….Ok, I won’t tell. It will be our little secret. It would make a great story though. A dangerous, handsome vampire who got his soul for the love of his life: The Slayer. And she: Beautiful, with a lion's heart and the face of an angel. Both brought together by fate, forced to work together and ending up tangled in this complicated love story.”

And with a sign he closed the door behind him.

A few seconds, there was nothing but silence between them. Buffy still stood a few steps from his bed, looking rather tensed now. He knew this had blown it, and broke the tension by saying;

“You should probably go too, before there’re starting to miss you…”

That sounded a bit lame, since it was only 4.12 in the morning. But Buffy only nodded,

”Right, well…. good night then.”

“Goodnight Buffy.”

He wanted to walk back to his bed, but Buffy suddenly moved in front of him. To his surprise her eyes were still kind and warm, and before he could say anything she cupped his cheek and placed one last kiss on his lips. She just needed to let him know she was serious about this, and words just weren’t enough at this point.

He was too stunned to reply, until she was halfway the staircase. It was one of the things that had been bothering him for weeks, and he repeated the question he had asked her before, and did not yet had been answered.

“Buffy…and the principal...”

She stopped to look at him.

“How does he fit in?”

He looked at her with stunning blue, pleading eyes and all she could do was smile.

“He doesn’t.”

---

“Because it's a waste of time. Come on, someone has to agree with me. Spike?”

He felt the overwhelming urge to grin when she said that.
Buffy had been bitching about Andrews’s new hobby to videotape everything that was going on around the house for days. And although the incident of a few nights ago still bugged him, he was all to happy that the little wimp finally got something to do, instead of hopping after him all day long.

But although Buffy was sincerely pissed that not one person seemed to agree with her, he knew she didn’t just ask him to have someone to back her up. Her voice, her look, and the tiny red spots that started to appear on her cheeks; she was thinking about their little meeting as well.

Her question made him wonder if she also regretted the way their evening had ended, because the Buffy he knew always seemed to be more then happy to walk out on him after something like this happened, and then forced herself not to think about it anymore. Forced herself to believe it never happened. But the signals she was given him now…..Had she just changed overnight? Or was it because he had?

That morning they had bummed into each other at the bottom of the staircase by accident. But it hadn’t really been an awkward moment, like he had expected. She had just smiled a little shy at him, and they had talked about the weather and whatnot. But there had definitely been some sort of ‘heat’ between them, even if he was only room temperature. No, something had changed.

Of course, when they had arrived in the kitchen, which looked like a damn girls' dorm, she had painted on her cranky slayer face and attacked Andrew and his camera. And now she was asking his opinion.

His first reflex was to agree with her, just because...well, that was what he had always done since…you know. But then, he realized the time was right for him to not be her lap dog anymore. If she was going to take this serious, she had to deal with the real Spike. And soul or no soul…he was no.bloody.lapdog.

“Long as you're not pointing that thing at me, seems like a fine way to keep the boy busy.”

Ok, she hadn’t seen that one coming.
Seeing him looking at her like that, disagreeing with her…God. He made her feel like he was right there, but she couldn’t have him. ‘You will crave me’, He had said to her after there first night together, and she realized he was right.

It made her feel exactly the same as a couple weeks ago, when they had been training with the potentials together, and had a….well a...a moment. It made her feel confused, defeated, and…extremely turned on.

But, standing in a kitchen full of her friends, her sister and potentials, she could not even consider acting on her feelings. So before it became obvious she turned from him. And felt the need for a serious speech to let out her frustrations.

“This isn't about keeping busy. This is about war. I'm sorry to jump all over you guys, but...”

Spike, who never stayed around during these lectures, walked away with a smirk. Yep, he still had it.

************************************************************

This was not happening!

Buffy had came down the basement stairs to see him. To talk to him.

He must have seen how she had stood up for him, when Giles and Wood tried to kill him for the man he had once been. She had even turned her back on Giles for him, and he was her Watcher, and one of her best’s friends.

It had hurt her, but by trying to hurt Spike, he had broken her trust. He knew how much she leaned on Spike for emotional support, which she needed more than ever at this point. And still he had tried to do him in.

Spike had been hurt, but grateful for her support, and she felt they were bonding in a different way, a lighter way. Even though they hadn’t talked much since. There had been something there, when they shared looks and patrolled together. There had been understanding in a way they had never had before.

And now, since she was finally left alone, and not working, she had came down his basement to….be with him. To tell him all the things she hadn’t been able too tell him these few days. He must feel crushed after everything that happened to him these last few weeks. Having a soul, the First screwing with his brain, her little outburst, and now Giles and Wood. The poor thing.

She needed to give him some emotional support, just like he had given to her that night in this very basement. She had been halfway down the stairs when she had heard an awful familiar and annoying voice.

“Wow. Everybody's just full of surprises.”

‘No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Not Her! Please not her!’

But these thoughts didn’t help, because Faith was still sitting on Spike’s bed, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, B.”

Buffy didn’t even find the time to be bothered by that nickname.
She had reached the bottom of the staircase, and her eyes widened at the little display she saw in front of her. As disturbing it was to see Spike and Faith together on his bed, talking like they were some kind of talking buddy’s, it was nothing compared to the single white sheet that covered nothing more than Spike his private parts.

She felt a jolt of jealousy going trough her, when she saw Faith having something she had wanted for quite some times now: A casual moment with Spike. She didn’t have to explain her feelings to everyone about him; she didn’t need to push to see how far he would go. She could just sit there, make some small talk, make some jokes and relax. Without any doubts, fears and hopes.

She wanted to give Faith a good punch in the face for that. To send her ass back upstairs and take her place on the bed. Right next to her sheet-covered vampire with the adorable tousled hair.
But standing where she was right now, all she could force herself to say was:

“Well, it's nice to see you two getting along so well.”

Ok, that was so lame, and very untruth. But the sarcasm in the undertone of her voice made it sound a little better. Like she was only slightly annoyed by the fact that the woman she didn’t particularly like, was sitting on a bed with her naked…..whatever he was to her. She didn’t even know yet.

“Yeah. Uh, you just know all the cool vampires.”

That idea about the punch suddenly started to sound more appealing.

“Yeah.”

Not that it wasn’t true though.

“Hey, aren't you usually at work 'bout now?”

Did that mean he didn’t want her to be home? Or was he just trying to drawl attentions from his little tête-à-tête with that little slut. Not that she was jealous, by the way, because….she was so not.

“I kind of decided to cut back on my hours.”

She tried to give him a look, but her sister’s voice calling for her from upstairs ruined her plan.

“Buffy? Is that you?”

She had a hard time trying to not roll her eyes. What was it this time?

“Down here.”

She needed to get out of there, because seeing them together like that…It was just too much. But, not because she was jealous or something. Of course not.

“Figured I'd be better off focusing on what's going on around here.”

That’s right, he knew what she mend. She could see the colour of his eyes darken as she said that.

Dawn’s appeared around the corner with some news that forced her to go upstairs, and with a sweep of her hair she followed her younger sister, and left the two of them behind in the basement. Glad there was offered a little distraction. But, not that she was jealous…No way.

---

It broke his un-dead heart to see her like this. Abandoned by her friends and sister. Abandoned by the people she trusted to be on her side. Seeing her all broken and fragile on the bed made him feel helpless, confused, but also angry in a way. She was the slayer damnit; she had to keep it together. He couldn’t be strong for her if she wasn’t strong for the rest of the word.

He had tried to cheer her up by saying stuff like:

“You can get them back.”

“It's bloody chaos over there without you.”

But it hadn’t done much. He could get as much as a grin out of her when he mentioned he had hit Faith a couple of times, and he had held back a grin when he realized why. But then the self-pity got a hold on her again.

After she puked all her self hate over him, she did something he did not expect: She talked about his feeling for her.

"We were never close. You just wanted me because I was...unattainable."

That that was it! How the hell could she even think that? Hadn't he shown her enough that he really cared for her? That she was more than just a fantasy about something he couldn't have. Because he had had her, and she damn well knew that. They had spent hours and hours together, and he had never considered to give that up. He had never gotten tired of her.

He got frustrated when she got weak again. She was tired, when she couldn't afford to be. Not in this town, not now. He was struggling: He just wanted to pick her up, hold her and make all her pain go away. But also wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Shake her till she made sense again. She frightened him, being like this.

And now she was asking him for kind words to cheer her up.

“You're insufferable.”

That didn’t help much of course. But it was one thing that needed to be said.
The only thing he wanted to do was explain what he should be to her, and what she was to him.

“A 100+ years and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you.”

He tried to touch her face, to make contact with her heat. But she turned from him.

“Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.”

She didn’t want to be, as he had expected.
The only thing that he could do now was make a smart ass joke, which she chuckled at, and leave. She obviously didn’t want him there. She didn’t want his touch anymore. She probably never did in the way he had wanted her to.

“Spike? Could you...stay here? Will you just hold me?”

He could not have dreamed for this. Why did she ask him that? But he did not waste any more seconds and took her in his arms. He felt like he was coming home after a very long day, while drowning in her sent. God, she was as sweet as ever. He had missed her so much. Like this, they were closer then they had ever been before.

It used to be sex that he had to offer to comfort her, but this…Smelling her hair, planting soft kisses on her head, watching her sleep, it was so intense. Her heat warmed his body, as he listened to her heartbeat. She fell asleep, and he watched her.
It was the best night of his life.

When he woke up, she was gone.

************************************************************

Buffy was falling apart.
They had thrown her out of her own house. All the people she trusted had turned on her that night. Except for one, but he hadn’t been there.

They had sent her guardian angel away. That’s is what he had been, what he was. And all so they could hit her sore spot. It didn’t matter if it was true, that was what she was feeling right now.

She had broken into a house, and sent the owner away. She couldn’t find herself to care anymore, she was just too tired. And then he had been there. If he hadn’t spoken to her, she would have though he was a dream.

His lifting words made her relax a little. She wasn’t alone anymore. But when he started to talk about Faith and her friends, she felt the emotions hitting her like a wall again.

“It wasn't just Faith. It was all of them.”

If she could have smiled at that moment she would have when he tried to cheer her up with the news she had been right about the vineyard, but she didn’t care anymore at that point.

She almost cried when he said her name, trying to plug in with her. He always said it as if it was a preach, and needed to be spoken carefully and with love, like it was breakable. His tone was too much for her to take right now, because it woke more emotions inside of her. God, he loved her so much.

“You can get them back.”

But she didn’t want them back, couldn’t he see that. Not if they didn’t want her to lead them.
He seemed upset with her, and she knew why: He hated to see her this weak.

It did make her sad though, she didn’t want to make some one else upset, not him. But she couldn’t even find the strength to look strong: She was so tired.

He lost his patience when she mentioned his feeling for her, and why he had wanted her. She knew it wasn’t true that she had been only interesting to him because he couldn’t have her: She knew that he loved her.

But even in this position, she wanted to hear him say it. It had been so long since he had told her.
His love was the only thing that could keep her together right now: That something was still the same in this crazy world

He told her she was unattainable, and it hurt her more then she showed him. Could it be true than even his love had finally given up on her?

But when he kneeled in front of her, and she saw his soulful blue eyes looking into hers, that thought flew from her mind: His eyes dripping with emotions, and his love for her. It had probably always been there, if she had dared to look for it before.

He tried to touch her face, but she turned from him. She wanted his touch more then anything, but seeing him looking at her like this, telling her he loved her: It was all too much. She would explode. She felt tears streaming down her face. He was truly her guardian angel, she realized.

He agreed with holding her while she tried to sleep, and she felt herself relax in a way she hadn’t been able to for a long period of time. She could finally rest in his strong arms, because she was safe with him: He protected her.

When she woke up, her mind was clearer than it had been in a long time. She knew what she had to do. Careful not to wake Spike, she sneaked out of the bed, kissed his forehead and studied his beautiful features before she left. Leaving him a note.
She had to go to the vineyard.

*Don't worry my dear readers. I's gonna get more "juicy" than this =P*

---

He knew he could never stay mad at her.

He had been boiling when he had seen her with Angel not one hour ago, but his anger had ebbed away the minute she had walked into his basement. De jà vu alright.

She had told it had mend nothing, and even though he did not know if he could believe that, he was pleased to know that she at least cared about his feelings.

Yesterday, when they had bummed into each other in the hallway, he had pretended it had been nothing more then some cold comfort he had given her, the night they had shared together, just to make the vibe between them a little less awkward.

To his surprise, she had forced him to tell what it had really been, and even though he had been terrified, he had told her his true feelings. And for once, she hadn’t backed away.

“Were you there with me?”

“I was.”

Jesus Christ, Did she have any idea what he was asking her? Did she even realize what she was doing to him?

He had left with the feeling he was on fire. There was still hope: She cared for him.

His hope for a relationship with her was long gone, but hope for friendship…No, not friendship: They would never be friends. Just like he had said to Angel and Buffy, 5 years ago.

As long as he loved her in the way that he did, they would never be just friends. But hope for a connection with her, that was something that was still there.

After he had checked out the vineyard, which was deserted, he went to the graveyard to help out Buffy with her “secret mission.”

And then he had smelled him. Son of a bitch!

Was he really here? It hadn’t taken long to figure that out: He was here alright, and all over his woman too.

When he had walked in he had seen the whole display: They had been wrapped into this fiercely kiss, having eyes for nothing but each other.

This had extinguished his fire like a bucked of ice. It had hurt him so bad; he had to get out of there. He couldn’t even disagree with the First, standing beside him and looking like Buffy, telling him she was a bitch.

All he wanted to do was go home.

But then she had come down to his basement. She had not stayed with captain Forehead, but she had come home…..to him.

Telling him it had mend nothing, and begging him if she could spend the night in his bed. All of his rage disappeared when she gave him the necklace Angel had given to her.

Could she consider him a hero? Did she really trust him with this? He was speechless. But all his doubt melted away when she cupped his face and smiled: She had chosen for him, and he could see how much had chanced between them.

She fell asleep in his embrace. He felt complete.

************************************************************

Buffy couldn’t believe what she had just done.
Angel had appeared out of nowhere, while she was fighting Caleb, and it had thrown her completely out of balance. What was he doing here?

After she killed Caleb, and Angel wasn’t unconscious anymore, she did not know what to do, or how to react.
When he had asked her if she was happy to see him, I was almost natural to kiss him. It was what she was expected to do: And so she did.

It was just that, the moment she touched his lips, they only scenario that popped into her head, was Spike. Giving her that look that said ‘Just friend huh, yeah right.’

And she pulled away. Frightened by her own reaction. What was Spike doing to her? Was she falling for him? Was that really possible?

But whatever it was she was feeling, this wasn’t fair to either of them. She made a stupid comment about basking, while she figured out what to do next. She cared for them both.

This was an impossible situation and she had to make a choice.

If Angel stayed here, she would never be able to expand what she and Spike had build up these few weeks, or years actually.

If he went, her army would loose one man.

She knew what she had to do.
“I need you gone.”

They had spent the night together once again. They had held each other in comfort and she had felt unusually calm. Even after her little problem with Angel.
Spike had taken her back into his bed, stroked her hair and kissed her softly on the forehead.

They were ok, and she couldn’t be happier with that. She needed him so much at this point. Hell, she needed him all the time. And she could count on him to be there. Even if she messed it up again.

The First had come to her that night, and she hadn’t even been scared. Being here in the basement with Spike, made everything seem so much clearer.

And she had a plan.

She was going to win.

************************************************************

Buffy was standing on her back porch, looking over the beautiful green garden, and thinking about what she was going to face one night from now.

They were going to end this, once and for all. They were going into the Hellmouth and face their enemies.

She wasn’t nearly as nervous as she though she would be. No matter what would happen, she knew she had tried everything she could in her power.

Spike was in the basement, playing with the amulet. His mind had been blank, till he had heard her coming down the stairs. He looked up, and tried to read the look on her face. The thing was, it was unreadable. He stood up from the bed and faced her.

She had come down the basement stairs to see him. She wanted too, without reason or logic. She just needed to be with him; because he was her……He was in her heart.

If he had asked why she was there, she couldn’t have explained.

But he didn’t ask her. He never made it harder than it had to be.

“Buffy.”

Goosebumps on her skin.

“Spike.”

A shiver down his spine.

She saw the passion and love in his beautiful eyes, as she always could when he looked at her. Emotions filled her: Emotions she had never felt this strong before.

As he stood there, looking like a Greek god, a vulnerable poet and just a man all at once, she could not contain the feelings she had hold back the minute she had found him in the basement of Sunnydale High.

She wanted to take care of him, and make him feel loved as he deserved. As she wanted to be loved by him since that same day as well. Just like she deserved.

He had read it in her eyes. There was no need for words as she had walked over to him.

As there lips met once again and their hand caressed each other in a way that was so intense they could never have imagined it possible, she realized one thing. One thing that, all of a sudden, felt more natural to her then anything in the word.

She loved him.

*I know, I know. I promised a more juicy part. But as you can see we are getting very close to that, so don’t worry. There is just so much to write =P*

---

He had been starving for her, he realized, as he devoured her mouth with his. Could she really want this? Didn’t she want to be with Angel?

But he was proved wrong when she let his name pas her lips when he showered her collarbone with soft kisses.

She had never done that before. As if she had wanted to fool herself and pretend he was not there. But this was different, just like it had been different weeks ago in this very basement. She had acknowledged him as hers.

She was hungry for him too, he realized.
And good Lord, was she.

The moment his lips left hers, she had felt the loss instantly, and it had made her feel incomplete. There was no other way to explain it.

She pulled him in for another kiss as her hands cupped his face to pull him as close as he could possibly get.

He let out a groan of pleasure when her teeth tucked at his bottom lip, and she couldn’t help growing wetter at that sound.

His hands encircled her waist and travelled up and down her spine. She moaned into his mouth, and he felt himself grow harder and harder. If they were not going to stop this soon, he was afraid he was going to loose control.

He had opened his mouth so he could taste her, and she responded instantly by opening hers as well. He felt her soft tongue massaging his as soon as he had entered her, and they entangled in a slow dance of passion and tenderness.

They had never taken it this slow, and it felt so good he thought he was going to explode.

He tasted just like she remembered: Cigarettes, peppermints and the metallic flavour of his last meal. And his smell: Only able to be described as manly.

She had always loved his smell, but right now she was drowning in it. She felt like she was getting high on him.

Her body responded to every touch, every look he was giving her, and it felt so good. All of a sudden this wasn’t enough: She wanted to love him entirely. She wanted to explore every single bit of him, and his clothes were getting in the way of her plan.

He felt her tugging on his shirt, and grabbed her hand in a reflex. Her big green eyes stared at him in wonder, and he knew she had never been this vulnerable
around him.

She had never let him get this close: She was scared he would reject her. Twilight Zone all right.

“Are you sure? I won’t be able to stop after you say yes, kitten.”

He did not want to push her, but it was the simple truth. His erection was already killing him, as it pushed against his zipper. If she was going to continue what she was doing, his pants had to come of soon.

“I’ve never been more sure.”

Oh Christ, now it was really starting to hurt.
She was glad he removed the shirt himself, because she would have ripped it off: She needed to feel him skin to skin.

Screw the world; she wanted to give herself to this man, no matter what they would think. All the doubts and secret seemed so stupid right now. She was his, and that was the only thing that mattered as they stood there, wrapped around each other.

He pushed her jacket of he shoulders, wound his fingers in her hair, and rained kissed over her neck and shoulders, as she unbuttoned her sleeveless blouse.

As he undid her bra, and she run his fingers over his lean, muscular chest, he felt she wasn’t nervous anymore. She just looked at him with a admiring expression on her face. She just loved the way he looked, among other things.

Their eyes met, and he felt himself drowning. She did something she had never done during a moment like this: She smiled at him, as two little lights danced in her eyes. She seemed so happy.

And she was. It had been a long time ago since she felt truly happy. She was the slayer, and besides all the other shit that had happened in her life, she also had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She hadn’t been able to let her guard down since… forever.

But now, in the heat of their steaming make out session, she realized the only thing on her mind was Spike, and how he was making her feel. As her bra fell on the floor; she grabbed his hand and kissed his fingertip. It was the most intense sign of affection she had ever shown him.

His hands were everywhere, and she couldn’t hold back a moan. The small of her back, her shoulders, her neck, her arms, her breasts. She signed as he started kissing the way down her neck to her breasts, and his teeth brushed her nipple. Teasing her to the point of insanity.

As he worked his way down her body, she reached for his zipper and undid it. That was a big relief to him. She took him in her hand and he let out another groan as he unbuttoned her jeans.

Her panties were soaked, and it made the whole basement smell like her arousal: It was intoxicating.
As she stepped out of her panties, he got rid of his jeans. She noticed he still wasn’t wearing any underwear:

This was something that had crossed her mind more then a lot since she first found out.

They had worked their way across the room to the bed, and Buffy got on it, pulling him on top of her. They started to kiss again, till something sprang into her mind.

“Hadn’t Xander and Anya sex in this bed, only a few days ago?”

“Don’t worry pet, I’ve burned those sheets. You didn’t think I would sleep in it after they shagged in my bed, did you. I could smell it as soon as I came down the stairs, disgusting.”

Pfoe, That was a relieve.

He wanted to kiss her chest again, but she stopped him.

“No more teasing, I need you now baby.”

Did she just called him baby?

“God pet, I need you too. So much.”

He had aroused all her senses in such a way she felt like she would simply die if they would even consider more foreplay.

She was more then ready for him, and she did not want to waste another second. They could save the foreplay for another time: Assuming there would be another time….Hoping there would be another time.

Spike had really wanted to love her entirely. Her body and her soul, as she deserved. He was lying on top of her naked body, with her golden hair spread around her head, and a sweet smile on her glowing face.

There was only one term that could describe what she was to him: A Golden Goddess.

But the way she was wriggling underneath him, and moaning out of pleasure and want, he had no choice then obey her. He was not going to last much longer if she kept doing that thing she was doing with her tongue to his ear anyway.

She guided him to her hot, wet entrance and he felt her shiver with emotions. They couldn’t hold back a gasp as the head of his erection got in contact with her heat. Emotions washed over them as he pushed further into her, and they couldn’t stop looking at each other. It had never been this intense…Never.

He filled her to the hilt now, and as he stopped to read her face, she bowed her mouth to his ear and whispered:

“Make love to me Spike.”

Holy Jesus, mother of God. He had to focus really hard not to come right there and then. She had dropped the word love, and even if it was not in the way he wanted to hear it from her, it was much more then he had expected. He was beyond that stage. She did not need to love him: She cared for him, and that was enough.

But the way she was looking at him right now….He started to push in and out of her slowly as she started to whimper his name softly into his ear at the way he made her skin sing. Her hands touched his back, neck and hair with every movement, and she kissed him softly along his collarbone.

Feeling her heat surrounding him as she responded to his touch: Warm and tight. He got the feeling his heart was going to swell and explode. Never this good. It was almost too much.

As she felt him moving inside of her, stimulating her in every physical and mental way, she got overwhelmed by the feelings she was having.

Since the day she had been brought back from the death, she could honestly say she felt truly alive for the very first time. It had never felt like this, with anyone. She looked at him and saw his love-filled eyes. He was so beautiful, in and out. It was almost too much.

He felt his face was getting wet, and realized she was crying. Or was he? As their tears mangled together their mouths met again. She was getting closer to the edge, and realized he was as well.

As he pushed himself faster into her wetness, he felt her tightening around him. He groaned as she was so close pushing him over the edge, while he did not wanted this to end, or wanted to finish before she had.

“Buffy, love….”

But there was not time to finish that sentence as she shivered underneath him. Letting her orgasm wash over her in waves. His name was on her lips again as she let out a loud moan.

Not worrying about the possible audience upstairs, he couldn’t hold back any longer and came inside of her heat. Calling out her name, and tangled in her others arms.

---

“You know what I just realized.”

Still tangled in his embrace, on the bed they had just made love on, Buffy opened her eyes and looked at him.

Her face was still flushed, and the smile that had been plastered on her face since the moment they had kissed, was still there.
It made him feel exhilarated.

“What?”

She flipped over so she was on her belly and looked at him curiously, while her hand played with a wave in his hair.

Smiling at her, he lit a cigarette and took a long drag before answering.

“You deflowered my soul.”

She looked a little stunned when he said that, but then giggles escaped her. He couldn’t help himself when he saw her laughing like that, sparks in her eyes, and soon he found himself laughing along with her. It had sounded a little funny.

“What are you talking about?”

He pulled her closer and inhaled the scent of her hair, while she was still giggling.

“I know that it sounds a bit lame, but…Ok, let’s put it this way: The last time I had a soul I was still human, and also a virgin. And when I lost it I got with Drusilla and well...”

He didn’t want to finish that sentence, this moment was to perfect for that. The look Buffy was giving him wasn’t helping either, though.

“And since I had my soul back, I didn’t….you know. Until now.
So you could say that you deflowered my soul.”

She stared at him a little blank. ‘Oh God’, he thought. ‘She would walk away after this. I probably pushed some reality button which will make her go away again.’

She thought he was the cutest thing she had ever seen.

“You are adorable.”

“What was that?”

Had she really just said that?

She hadn’t known he could actually blush.

“You heard me.” She teased, as she petted his hand with hers.

“So when you were human, you never…?”

“No, never. I wasn’t even married, so it wasn’t that unusual. It was unusual that I wasn’t married though.” He added with a smile, as he stroked trough her golden hair.

“But you were like what....25? When Drusilla sired you. Didn’t people marry around the age of 18/20 back in those days?”

“27, but thanks. And yes they did. I still lived with my mother during that time. She needed my help.”

“Aaaw, you did? How sweet.”

He snorted.

“So how does it feel Spike?”

“A little pathetic actually. Especially because you won’t drop it”

“No, I mean…having…doing….making love with a soul. Does it feel different?”

Her face was flushed when she said that, and he couldn’t hold back a grin. He couldn’t believe she was embarrassed by saying such an innocent thing, when she had done things with him he couldn’t even spell, not one year ago. And this very night on this very bed.

“God Buffy, I don’t even know were to begin.”

He sat up against the headboard and she took that opportunity to crawl into his lap.

Stroking her back and putting out his cigarette, he thought of a way to express how it had felt: But there was just no way he could do that.

How could he possibly describe these waterfalls of emotions he had felt when he had entered her willing body. The way he had finally felt complete for the first time in more than 150 years. The feeling he actually mattered to the woman of his dreams. There was no way she could understand.

“Let me put it this way: I never had a more perfect moment with a more perfect person.”

He saw her eyes starting to fill with tears again, and he hugged her close to his naked chest.

“We should probably go to sleep luv. Tomorrow will be a big day.”

“I am scared Spike. What if I loose someone? What if we won’t make it? What am I going to do?” And she looked at him in despair, as if he would have the answers to her questions.

Her sudden panic frightened him, but he just looked at her, trying to stay unaffected by her fear.

She didn’t know he was just as scared. And he wouldn’t tell her: She needed him strong.

“Don’t worry kitten. That little plan you came up wit in that pretty little head of yours will probably save us all.”

He could feel her smile against his chest and he felt himself relax.

“Don’t be scared Buffy, things will be alright. I won’t leave your side.”

That was exactly was she was afraid of. He couldn’t promise her that.

He planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“I love you, I will always love you. Now go to sleep.”

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, as she felt him drifting off. A deep purr raised from his chest as a beam of moonlight fell on his face.

She lay there, staring at him, feeling him next to her. Hours had passed till she finally whispered:

“I love you too, Spike.”

************************************************************

“I can feel it, Buffy.”

”What?”

”My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings.”

She felt nothing but despair. Something awful was going to happen. That amulet was hurting him, and there was nothing she could do.

“Go on, then.”

”No. No, you've done enough. You could still...”

This couldn’t be the end. She had to save him. She needed him…..She loved him.

”No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup.”

They only thing that mattered was that she was ok. He didn’t care about the rest anymore. Dieing right here, right now, to save a world she could exist in…..That was enough.

“Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer.”

How could he do this? He needed to come out with her. How was this going to be happy end if he wasn’t in it?

“Spike!”

“I mean it! I gotta do this.”

She saw his hand, shaking from the burning he felt inside. If this was going to be the end, she wanted to be with him when it happened. She wouldn’t leave him yet.

As she laced her fingers with his, she felt a jolt of pain going trough her. He was burning from the inside out, she realized. There was no way he could be saved. A tear rolled over her cheek, as their hands, still enlaced, burst into flames.

She couldn’t even feel the pain, because the pain in her heart was a thousand times stronger.
There wasn’t much time, and there was one thing she needed to tell him at last. She needed to tell him the truth.

“I love you.”

She felt sorry for him, he told himself. She could never really love him, as she had once told him.

”No, you don't. But thanks for saying it.”

She was too terrified to argue: he was dieing. His words stung like the knife that had sliced trough her not 10 minutes ago in this very battle. But she had no comeback, she was stunned.

“Now go!”

It was the only thing she could do, so she went. She couldn’t risk her life here. She needed to take care of Dawn. So she ran for it.

“I wanna see how it ends.”

************************************************************

Sunnydale was gone. He was gone. It was all gone.
People around her were talking, but she couldn’t make out the words. She didn’t understand. They didn’t understand.

Giles asked her what happened, and the only thing she could do was give him was his name.

“Spike”

Was he still there? Should she go search for him?

But there was no way, she thought, as the Welcome to Sunnydale sign fell down into the crater. It reminded her of Spike. How he had always knocked over the sign every time he had come back to her.

There was no way he had survived the blow: He was gone.

“Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?”

She heard her sister say. And even though it seemed things couldn’t get any worse, she smiled.

It was the exact same question she had asked Spike last night.

She turned around and faced her friends, who looked at her with curiosity.

“What is necessary, so our friends did not die in vein.”

Silence.

”Now let’s get out of here.”

---

Spike was going trough hell.

Not the real kind of hell, which he had actually experienced not one month ago, but the kind where you do not know what to do with yourself.

The whole ghost thing was over…Thank the Lord, he had got corporeal again, kicked Angel’s ass, and got really drunk: Hangover included.

The only thing that he really wanted to do now was go and see Buffy. To go to Italy, sweep her off her feet, and live happily ever after. He missed her so much it was killing him.

He was stuck in this hell whole, with his grand sire who he loathed. And a whole bunch of other people he did not know and/or cared about.

Fred was the only one who he actually could stand to be around. She was a nice bint, with her heart in the right place. But it all didn’t matter: He didn’t belong here. He did not want to be here. All he wanted to do was just go.

So what was stopping him?

He could almost smell her scent when he concentrated really hard and closed his eyes, but that wasn’t nearly enough.

He had even sunk so deep he had shagged Harmony while begging her to shut up, so he could imagine an other certain blond wriggling beneath him.

Not that it had worked, of course. How could Harmony’s cold dead body possibly resemble Buffy’s overwhelming heat, or her sweet aroma?
He felt too disgusted to even think about it.

He had stood there in the harbour, waiting for his boat to arrive and take him to Italy: To Buffy. But then this little voice in the back of his head had started to whisper the things he had pushed from his mind since the day he had returned to this world:

“What if there is no room for you in her new life. What is she did not feel the same way she had felt before, if he just showed up at her doorstep. It would seem like the sacrifice he had made for her had meant nothing.

He couldn’t go to her, even though his whole body and soul ached to see her again. He couldn’t ruin the one moment he had been able to show her how much her really loved her: It would mean nothing.

Whipping away the tears that had formed in the corner of his crystal blue eyes, he turned around and walked the other way. Every step breaking his heart a little further.

She was no longer his.

************************************************************

“I want you to come home right away after school Dawn. We still need to go shopping for some decent beds and a television.”

“Alright, I will. See ya.”

She heard the door slam as she stood in the kitchen of her new home, are actually her new house. It didn’t feel like home yet, and she didn’t know if it ever would.

Moving to Italy had been harder than anything she had ever done. She hadn’t wanted to let go. She hadn’t wanted to move on.

She couldn’t even find a job, and currently lived from the amounts of money Giles was sending her every month. She hated it, but there was no way she was going to work in a fast-food restaurant again. There was no Spike now to make at least her breaks a bit more bearable.

Italy didn’t suck though. Rome was a wonderful city, and she had a nice place, with plenty of space for only two people. The bathroom had a nice tub, the bedrooms had a nice view and building contained nice people. It was in one word: Nice.

But it wasn’t the place her mom had taught her who to bake cookies, or the place she had been having slumber party’s with Willow. It wasn’t the place she had made love with Spike the night before he died.

The sleeve of her black sweater whipped away a tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye. Nice wasn’t enough.

She hated herself for doing this: She couldn’t be doing this anymore.
Spike had been gone for weeks, months. And she was still crying over him at night when nobody could hear her. She was still crying for him now.

She was lonely. She wasn’t proud of it, but she was. All her friends were anywhere but here, her sister was, mostly out with new friends or spending time at school.

She didn’t want to keep her from any of that. Dawn was also grieving, and she was just finding a way to deal with that pain.

But she was lonely. She realized she was checking out men that resembled him in a way, so she could find back what she had lost. It was impossible and wrong, but she couldn’t help herself. She had lost everything: She needed something back…anything.

It was than that she had met Pablo, or better known as The Immortal, not two weeks ago. He was cocky, arrogant and extremely self-centred. But he was also immortal, funny and not to bad in the bedroom.

She didn’t love him. She would never love him. She didn’t even like him. But with him she could at least pretend she was happy. So they wouldn’t see she was still falling apart.

Buffy didn’t know if it was the immortality that reminded her of Spike, or perhaps the cocky grin: But she knew that if she closed her eyes when she was with him, she could almost smell his scent, or feel him in her arms. She used Pablo , yes.

As she had used Spike when her friends had pulled her out of heaven, and she needed him to make her feel, she was now using Pablo to feel like she was still ok. Like he was still there, in a way.

And the good part was that she didn’t need to feel guilty, because he was using her just as hard as she was using him. She knew he had more girlfriends on the side, or that he didn’t really care about her, and she found it a relive he didn’t want to be in a serious relationship either.

The only thing she really wanted was Spike back, but that was impossible. Even though she dreamed of him returning from the grave, or showing up at her door. She even had a vision of him standing in a harbour, on his way to see her. But it could never be true. She was just in denial, she told herself.

He was no longer hers.


*Please Review! I live for reviews =P*

---

Something had changed. The sounds of screams and fighting had died away. The blood was no longer flowing. The air was no longer thick with smoke caused by the fire.
There was nothing but silence.

Spike opened his eyes, and tried to make out where he was. The ground underneath him felt cold, hard, and sticky. He realized it was blood, and not just his blood. Next to him lay a man with no head and his lower body was trapped underneath an older woman: Clearly dead. Pushing her off of him, he tried to get of the ground.

His legs were still there, he noticed. Good so far. His arms were also intact, his head was where it was suppose to be and his manhood was still in place: Thank God. His head did contain a huge lump, and he was still feeling a little dizzy, and quite nauseous.

He stumbled trough the battlefield. Tripping over lifeless bodies of humans and demons. There was so much blood; the scent made him feel a little high. The splitting headache he was coping with was not really helping him stay in on his feet. Not able to see well, he hit a huge, scaly object: It was the dragon Angel had fought with, and it now lay lifeless on the ground.

Speaking of Angel, where was he anyway? Did he survive, or was his grandsire finally defeated?

Gunn was dead: He had seen him die not 10 minutes after the battle had begun.
He didn’t know what happened to Illyria, but he figured she must be somewhere around here as well. Most of all he was surprised he had made it, if this wasn’t hell, by any chance. Why had he survived this? What had happened while he had been unconscious?

He thought he heard voices, but they came from very far away. It sounded like a lot of people were heading his way, and for the first time in his entire existence he felt like hiding. He was in no state to fight, and he was struggling to stay on his feet. It sounded like the people were getting closer, and he was just standing there, surrounded by blood and bodies.

He almost tripped over a pile of bones. He could not tell if it were bones of humans or demons, but they rattled loudly as they shattered on the cold street.

He heard a woman’s voice shouting something, and then a man who jelled back some sort of warning. Footsteps were now coming closer to the corner that separated the ally he was standing in with the street. They were coming, and listening to the footsteps he realized there were many.

His super vampire sentences were somehow not working as good anymore: He couldn’t even make out if they were human yet, but he was still not moving. He was waiting for them. Waiting for was going to happen.

************************************************************

“You did it Will, wake up. It’s all over.”

Buffy was standing over her redheaded friend, who was now on the floor, feeling a bit nauseous.

“What happened Buffy, did it work?”

“Don’t get up Will, you need to rest.”

“Buffy, did it work? Did I send the demons back to their dimension?”

“Yes Willow, it worked. You saved the day once again.”

That was all Willow heard before passing out.

“Bring her to the hospital, she is exhausted.”

Buffy felt a jolt of relieve going trough her body. Her friends were safe, Willow was going to be fine, and the apocalypse was over. They did it.

“Buffy, we need to see what the damage is. There must be some survivors on the battlefield.”

She felt Giles laying a hand on her shoulder.

They had all came together when they had heard of the rising apocalypse in the city of Angels. Willow had flown over from Brazil with Kennedy, Giles and the potentials had came over from the U.K and even Xander had showed up from Africa after an unbelievable long flight.

Buffy had came with Andrew, who had begged her if he could come along. After all he considered the Wolfram and Heart staff as his close friends, and he felt it was his duty to check on them. Dawn was still in Italy, even though she had wanted to come along. Buffy refused to risk her sister for something like this, and she was old enough to stay home alone.

Willow had prepared a spell after they found out that all kinds of demons had escaped from this huge portal between the dimensions. After hours and hours of hard work and fights between the slayers and the demons, Willow had finally succeeded in sending them back to their home, and it had been all over.

“You’re right; we should go and check out the damage. Call the potentials and Andrew. We are going in a group. The rest and Kennedy should go with Willow to the hospital. We’ll meet them there.”

She knew Giles was feeling like her spokesperson right know, but she was tired of dealing with the entire group. No matter how helpful they could be, she didn’t really care for the potentials. (Who were not really potentials anymore) She was tired of giving instructions, so she left that part for Giles.

“Let’s go People.”

As they walked trough the silent streets a feeling of despair overwhelmed her as she saw the body’s of all the people she could not have saved. She knew she had done all she could, but still….it felt like it hadn’t been enough.

“Do you think Spike and Angel are still alive?”

“I hope…What?”

What did Andrew just say?!

“What did you just say?”

“I mean Angel; do you think Angel is still alive?”
She heard panic in his voice.

“Andrew, why did you say Spike?”

Why had he said that? She was already struggling, now the whole team was here without him. It hurt so much to hear Andrew mention his name as if he was still here.

She was distracted when a loud rattling noise sounded trough the streets. Someone or something was still intact, it seemed.
She turned around to face the group.

“I am going to check it out. You guys stay here.” She shouted, but she knew that wouldn’t work. It never worked.

“There is no way you are going out there on your own, Buffy. We are coming with you, end of discussion” Giles shouted back.

She signed. “Fine, whatever.” She was tired of fighting him.

They slowly approached the alley the sound had been coming from. Buffy felt herself getting a little nervous, which was nothing like her. She had an odd feeling about all this. What was it that had caused that sound?

Stopping on the side of the entrance, she leaned foreword to take a peek around the corner.

“Silence everyone. I’ll go first.” She whispered

It was too dark in the alley. She couldn’t see much, expect for the huge amount of body’s and blood. And there was also some kind of huge reptile. She sure hoped that thing had not caused the sound, because she did not want to face this giant dragon thingy.

She heard a little moan coming from the back of the alley, and walked in the sounds direction.

“Who is there?” She said, feeling a bit shaky.

White blond hair loomed up in the darkness. Someone was stumbling her way.

“Buffy?”

“Spike?”

A shock of realization went trough her as she saw his eyes rolling away, and his body crashing into the ground. He had fainted. He was hurt.

A scream of desperation escaped her.

“SPIKE!”

---

“Is it really Spike?”

“But didn’t he die?”

“He doesn’t look very much alive now either.”

“What is he doing here?”

Buffy couldn’t even hear all the noise surrounding her. She heard nothing but the battle going on in her own head.

She had been stunned when she had found him. She vaguely remembered picking him up and carrying him to the yellow school bus they had arrived in. She had hold him in her arm as careful as if he was a broken bird she wanted to save. But he wasn’t a broken bird, he was a fallen angel, she knew.

Tears had streamed down her face uncontrollably, and she had let no one near him. It was her turn to look after him this time.

She had ordered Giles to drive them to the building they had rented for the weeks they were here, to wait for the apocalypse to begin. Giles had winced at the panic undertone in her voice, but did as she asked.

The ride back had been the most awful ride she had ever experienced. It seemed terribly slow, every minute lasted a minute to long and she was scared. She was so scared.

His head had been in her lap, as they had sat in the back of the bus. She had not allowed anyone to sit with them, as she felt she was the only person in the world wanting to protect him. He was still unconscious and she felt the bump on the back of his head as she stroked his hair. It had become sticky, just as the back of his t-shirt had, and she had known his body was covered in wounds she had not yet discovered.

She had whispered sweet nothings in his ear, praying he would wake up, as tears were still sliding down her face. The Potentials had been talking about him in excitement, as they were still doing now, but she had ignored them all the way home. She couldn’t concentrate on anything, but the broken bird in her arms. The fallen angel.

But now they were at home, and he was on the bed. There was a door, and walls to separate them from the crowd, but they were still bugging them with questions and comments she had never even wanted to hear.

“How long do you think he has been alive again?”

She wondered why that was.

“Is he going to die this time.”

That was it!

“That’s it! Everybody out. Go meet the others in the hospital while I will look after Spike. He might wake up if you all leave. Yes, that included you Giles, I need some time to let all this sink in and just be here for him when he awakes.”

Click.

She knew she had just shut the door in their faces, but she did not care. Her Spike, who she thought had been dead, was now not 2 feet away from her. And she had no idea how to feel. She was worried, shocked, scared, happy and confused all at once.

Sitting on the chair beside his bed, she studied his face. He hadn’t changed a bit since the day he had slipped away from her. But he looked tired, sad and the spark of life that had always surrounded him, despite his un dead existence, was no longer there.

She touched his soft hollow cheek carefully with one finger and stroked it, as if she was afraid to break him. As if she was afraid he would disappear if she would as much as blink.

“Spike, please wake up.” She whispered and her tears landed on his face as she bowed over him.

“You can’t leave me again Spike, I only just found you. Come on, you are not a quitter.”

She almost fell of her chair as she felt his hand spasm a little in hers.

“Spike, I know you can hair me. Please wake up.” She sobbed.

“You can’t leave me, I need you. I need you Spike.”

She saw movement behind his closed eyelids.

“I love you, Spike.”

“Buffy.”

He was awake.

************************************************************

Spike felt himself slipping slowly back into reality. Where was he?
It was getting annoying having to figure that out every time he woke up.

Wait, what had happened anyway? He tried to remember but nothing came back to him. There had been this huge battle….

He tried to open his eyes, but his body didn’t obey to him. He felt this annoying pain in his back and head.

He remembered the alley. It had been dark, and there had been so many bodies. Something had happened back there, but what?

Something wet touched his face, and he heard noises. There was some one here with him. He heard a female voice pleading something in his ear, and felt a soft hand holding his. Trying to squeeze the hand, and failing miserably, he felt images coming back to him.

There had been some one with him in the alley. There had seen some one right before it had all turned black again. He didn’t know why but it had made him feel truly happy for a moment.

The hand had left his, and he heard more pleadings he did not understand.

What had happened? Who had been with him in the alley?

“You can’t leave me, I need you. I need you Spike.”

Then it hit him. He knew who he had seen in the alley.

“I love you, Spike.”

“Buffy.”

His body had finally made a deal with him, so although the pain had gotten worse, his eyes were now open. And she was there, hovering over him like a golden angel. His Buffy.

“Spike, thank god you’re awake.”

She sounded terrified and happy at the same time, and tears were still falling from her eyes.

“Am I in heaven?”

“No, silly, no. You are still here. Don’t worry, it will all be ok. Are you in pain?”

“I’ll be ok, pet. What happened?”

“I am wondering the exact same thing, with you being back here. I though you were dead.” She sobbed, stroking his face with her thumb, and her hand clenched in his again .

“I am so happy Spike, you have no idea.” She cried as she embraced him carefully. “When did you come back? How did it happen?”

Spike, who was now fully by conscious, bit on his lower lip.

Oh, had he some explaining to do.




*Please review guys! I am dieing to know what you think =D*

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“Spike? Spike, what happened?”

“Buffy, please I…”

“You’re right”

She took an insecure step from the bed, as if she was giving him room the breath, but didn’t do it voluntarily.

“I’m sorry I am all over you like this. I am just so happy to see you after all this time. You died and I missed you so much, and now you are here all of a sudden. I am just…” Her babbling died away, as more tears streamed down her red cheeks.

He had never seen her so emotional, and it scared him. Why was she acting like this? It wasn’t like he used to have this huge place in her life. She could never have missed him as much as she was telling him now…Could she?

He wanted to calm her down more then anything, but knew that the truth would only upset her more. What was the right thing to do?

The truth of course. Dam nit.

“I really don’t mind you being all over me pet, never did, never would.”

She smiled, but kept crying.

“Look Buffy, why don’t you sit down and I will tell you the whole story. Then you can tell me what the hell happened here. Deal?”

“Deal. ”She whispered quietly and sat on the edge of his bed, still holding his hand.

He sat up, even though it hurt a little, and prepared himself for an explosion, as he search for words.

“When I die…” But he wisely shut his mouth, when he saw her eyes filling with fresh tears again.

“When I went away, I was not really gone.”

“What do you mean you….”

“Buffy please, this is hard. Please just listen till I am finished.”

“I’m so sorry. Please continue.”

“No, don’t be.”

She closed her eyes as his thumb caressed her cheek, before he continued.

“I was trapped in the amulet. My body and soul were inside it after the whole me burning up from the inside thing.”

“Oh my god, were you in pain?”

“No, I don’t remember much of it.”

“Thank god. How long? How long have you been inside that thing?”

Why, oh why did she have to jump to that part of the conversation right at the beginning. He had planned to avoid that as long as possible.

“Oh, just a…. a while”

“Spike?”

She knew he was hiding something, because he took a long, deep breath before carrying on.

“19 day’s”

“19 days!”

“Yeah well….”

“Only 19 days, Spike!”

“There is more to it then that Buffy, luv. Trust me.”

“There better be. I want a damn good reason for you not being able to pick up a phone and call me for half a year!”

“Well, technically, I wasn’t. Or for some time anyway.

“What do you mean?”

He looked into her eyes before continuing. Needing to know she was still there with him, so they could work this out. She was.

He started to talk about him coming back as a ghost, being in L.A., having to cope with Angel and meeting the Reaper. He made the whole story as impressive as he could, because he needed a lot of her pity for the next bit of the story.

And he did a pretty good job, because she was now clenching his hand as if she was holding on to life itself, and letting Ooh’s and Aah’s fill the room as he spoke.

But it was only a while before the reached a different part of the story, which made him look a little less like a hero.

“But you are corporeal now, aren’t you? Which is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but how did that happen?”

“No one knows, really. There was this box in the mail, and when it was opened there was this flash and a weird sound and … BANG.”

“You were corporeal again?”

“Well actually, I walked into Angel’s office door, but yeah, that too.”

“When did that happen? Recently?”

“Well, I mean, what is recently?”

“How long, Spike?”

“About 4 months ago.”

Silence. Her expression was unreadable for a minuet, as she stared at the blank wall behind his bed. Then she continued.

“Do you hate me that much?”

Her words stung like a thousand knifes, and he swung his feet over the edge of the bed, trying to get closer. To take away the pain he had caused.

“What? Buffy no, no sweetheart, I adore you. Please don’t say that.”

He pushed her head into his shoulders gently as he stroke her hair and kissed her temple. She did not resist, as he had expected. She rubbed her head against his chest, as her hands found his hair to play with. But she was still sad.

“Then why?”

“Buffy, gorgeous, don’t you see. I couldn’t just….I couldn’t just worm my way back into your life, like nothing happened. I died for you, what can possibly top that?”

Pushing back, she looked into his eyes.

“Did you really think I would care? I don’t give a shit Spike, I just wanted you back. I missed you more then you can ever imagine. I cried for months when you were gone. Don’t you get THAT? Oh, I could just slap you right now!”

Her words should have tamed him, but there was one thing standing that was still bothering him.

“It was not like you were lonely without me.”

Her eyes narrowed at his words, and she knew he knew more then she would like him to know.

“Pablo?”

“The Immortal, yeah. You had a pretty good time going out with him, didn’t you?”

“Spike..”

“Or maybe you still are, then I apologise for my horrible grammatical mistake.”

“Spike, please! Stop it. How could you even think that mend anything to me?”

“……”

“Spike?.”

“It didn’t?”

“No!”

“Then what was it?”

She felt this urge to tell him it was none of his business, just like she had told Angel when he had asked about her relationship with Spike. But she couldn’t, because there was one thing that was different. It was his business.

“It was just a stupid fling to get over you, Spike.” She snapped. ”That was all that it was. A meaningless, boring, wrong, useless fling. Especially because it didn’t work”

“Oh….”

“I didn’t get over you.”

“Did you love him?”

Had he even heard a words she was saying?

“Spike please. Of course not! I didn’t even like him.” She was now pacing across the room, as her hands grasped her hair in frustration.

“I was struggling. I was alone, and I was still dealing with the pain that was caused by your death. I wasn’t moving on, I’m still not moving on. I loved you Spike, and I still love you.”

Her words created a force field around them, as if they were connected by this greater power. He realized she wasn’t lying. She loved him, he could feel it. He could actually touch the love she felt for him.

A tear rolled down his cheek, as her words worked there way inside of him.
She had said it before, but he had never dared to believe it was true. There was always an excuse. She knowing he was dieing, or wanting him to snap out of a coma. But not this time. She needed nothing from him now, and she had still said it.

“Buffy, you can’t..”

“No Spike, listen. I can do or don’t as I choose. You get no vote in my dissensions whatsoever. I choose to love you, and to be with you. I have done some dumb things I can never take back, and you made mistakes all the same. Especially with you not telling me you were back.”

He could tell she was having a hard time trying not to raise her voice.

“But that doesn’t matter anymore. I am to tired to fight over that. Or anything else. I know you had your reasons, and when you find the words, you might even explain the whole deal to me one day. But right now I just want to be with you more then anything. I couldn’t live without you, and now your back. Let’s not waste time fighting.”

He was surprised to see her shocked at her own words for a moment.

“Of course, it is up to you to decide if you’ll have me.”

Tears kept streaming down it face. He had prayed so many times, she would tell him half of what she had just said to him. It felt almost unreal, but it wasn’t.

“Buffy, my Buffy. If this is real..”

“It is. Spike, it is. Please don’t deny me.”

They were both crying now. Crying for all the pain they had caused each other. And the new chance they had received as a gift from god.

“I would never deny you Buffy. I love you. I want to be with you more then you could ever know. Now come here, kitten.”

She laughed at the change of his voice in the last sentence. It broke away all the tension as she melted in his embrace. The familiar purring noise he had always made when he was happy rose from his chest, and she signed.

“Buffy, I love you so much, luv.”

“I love you too Spike. I know you have trouble believing me and that hurts. Please let me show you how much I love you.”

The satisfied, emotional smile was replace by a wicked one, as he hold her at arm length so he could look into her eyes.

“You mean now? Right here?”

Her green eyes met his perfect blue once as he raised his one eyebrow.

He saw her smile widen as her cheeks became flushed.

“I was talking about, me loving you forever, or something poetic like that. Not that I don’t want too though….But you are hurt, I will hurt you.”

“I’ve been worse. And you should know by now I am never too tired or hurt for making love to you, sweetheart.”

She smiled at the low, sexy sound of his voice, and the purr that was still filling her ears, and leaned in to kiss him passionately. Her heat met his coolness, and they were drowning in the feeling of each other.

Feeling her body so close against his, he felt truly safe and relaxed for the first time since forever. He just wanted to curl up into her lap like a big cat, after he had had his wicked way with her of course.

“How long do we have?”

“An hour, minimal. Maybe two. Not as long as I would like, but still acceptable.” She whispered in his ear as she was pulling at his t-shirt, wanting it to come off.

Raining soft kisses along his collarbone, she realized how much she had missed his body along with all the other things. She had craved for the vision of pure perfection right underneath her own fingertips.

She moaned as his hands found his way underneath her top, and his mouth the way down her throat and neck.

“Spike, Spike please make love to me.”

“Buffy, God. I’ll just die if you ever stop doing that” He gasped as she caught his earlobe between her teeth.

Kissing her lower and lower down her chest, he felt a hand suddenly stopping him.

“Have you even heard what I just said?” He tried to keep his voice panic free, as he lifted his head to meet her eyes.


*Little cliff-hanger…Sorry! But I will update soon, promise. I just realized this is my longest chapter so far =D Please review you guys, cause I am dieing to hear what you think of my story!
Thank you! Much love, Karin*

“Buffy, what is it? What is wrong sweetheart?”

She couldn’t help but smile at the tone of his voice. She definitely needed to work on showing him he didn’t need to worry about her denying him anymore. He needed to know things had changed between them.

“Don’t worry honey, don’t look so scared.” She chuckled, as she kissed him on the lips.
”I just wanted to remind you we made a deal. You told me your side of the story. Don’t you want to know what happened here?”

She grinned as he raised an eyebrow.

“Do you feel like telling me, right now?”

“Not really, no.”

“Thank god. Just give me the short version, ok?”

“Ok, here we go: All the Scooby’s and the potentials came to L.A., We fought demons, Willow did a spell and sends them all back to where they came from, and we won.”

She explained as fast as she could while enjoying the feeling of his lips on her collarbone.

“That explains it all. Now, less talking. I want to show you how much I love you.”

“You read my mind.”

Surrendering to the feelings and emotions he was responsible for, she let him undress her gently.

She gasped when his hand suddenly unclasped her black laced bra, and gently stroked the sensitive skin underneath.

“Spike, please.” She gasped, but he wasn’t buying it this time.

“No Buffy, you will have to be patient. We are going to take this nice and slow. I’m gonna love you like you deserved to be loved.” He said in a low voice against her skin, and it made her shiver all over.

“Oh god Spike, yes.” His words made her burn with desire. It was full of promises that made her tingle all the way down to her core.

She pulled at his t-shirt, wanting it off. But when the material scraped over his skin, she could hear him hiss under his breath.

“Spike, you are in pain. Do you want me to stop?” She asked as she planted soft kisses on his eyelids.

“No, never Buffy. I will be fine, don’t worry about me baby. We will just take it nice and slow, ok?” He said in her ear, his voice dripping with emotions.

“Ok, just take your time.”

His shirt carefully came off, and knowing he was going to be on top because of his wounded back, she let him push her back onto the mattress gently.

He hissed again when she run her hands over his abdomen, but this time it was not out of pain, but out of pure pleasure that shivered trough his body.

“Keep doing that, and I am going to throw nice and slow out of the window sweetheart.” He laughed.

She let out a giggle that turned into a loud moan when he nibbled on her sensitive skin of her breasts.

His mouth worshipped her body in a way only he was capable of, and in a matter of seconds the room was filled with gasps and moans coming from the two lovers on the bed.

He worked up her neck again, and plundered her mouth with his, as his fingers traced down her belly and slipped underneath the waistband of her jeans.

“Spike, oh god.” She gasped, as his fingers slipped between her folds, feeling the pool of wetness that was already there.

A smile appeared on his face, as he realized he much he was able to turn her on with such little afford.

“I know you want me pet, I can feel it.” He whispered in her ear.

“Yes, I do Spike.” She gasped. Helpless against the skills of his fingers.

“Say it, Buffy.” He teased, as another finger entered her. Plugging is deeper and deeper into her heat.

“I want you Spike. I always want you. Oh god!” She moaned, as his fingers rubbed just the right spot, over and over.

“Buffy, I missed you so much luv.”

He felt she was close, and pulled his drenched fingers out of her. She protested by pouting, but when he moved down to get rid of her jeans and panties, a grin crept up her face again. It was only going to get better.

He removed her shoes and socks, and worked his way up by kissing her ankles, her calves, her upper legs, her tights….”Oh god yes. Spike, please don’t stop.”

He traced the outer lines of her swollen lips with his tongue, and she grabbed his short, blond hair to get him as close as he could possibly get. He sure was glad he didn’t need oxygen.

He kisses, licked and teased her with his talented mouth, as it did not take long before she felt a strong wave of pleasure washing over her. As she let out a scream, she sure was happy that they were alone, because it must have been heard trough the entire building.

She felt him grin against her as her juice floated out of her. He had missed her taste more then he had realized. She tasted like life, and he found it intoxicating.

She was blown away by the shattering orgasm. It was a long time ago she had felt this good, lying her, surrendering to him completely. Feeling this familiar with some ones mind, and body. Feeling this connection, she had once held impossible.

Spike slid up her body, kissing all exposed flesh along the way, and pinning her underneath him.

He felt she was still trembling, as she pulled her arms around him, wanting him closer.

“Are you ready for me now, kitten?” He asked. His voice dripping with lust, passion and emotion.

She looked into his stormy blue eyes, with her green, hazel ones.

“I am always ready for you.” She smiled, nuzzling his neck

Her feet pushed his black jeans over his hips, and it did not take long before they were both naked on the small bed, which squeaked with every movement.

She pulled him closer, feeling his mouth devouring hers once again. Wrapping her legs around his hips, she felt his erection gently brushing her warm, moist entrance.

The both gasped, as he slid inside of her, surrounding himself with her heat.
She made loud noises with every movement. He was driving her absolutely crazy with his slow pace and her over sensitive skin.

When he groaned loudly against her ear, she tough she was going to loose it. Everything he did, every sound he made, triggered her even more.

“Spike, promise you’ll never leave me again.” She gasped, not able to imagine anything worse.

“I promise Buffy. I will never leave you. You are mine.”

“I’m yours.” She agreed, clutching to his shoulders for support. She knew she was close to release again, and feeling him picking up the pace, she knew he was as well.

The moaned, gasped and groaned loudly on the noisy bed, as they were now close to the edge.
They moved together, as if they were one, and they could only hear, see and feel each other.

That’s why they almost fell of the bed in shock, when a loud knock on the door disturbed them.

“Buffy?” Giles voice sounded trough the door. “We are back from the hospital. Are you ok in there?”

They lay there, still joined, on the bed together. Staring at each other in shock.

“I’m ok Giles. I will be out in a minute.” She yelled, her voice 3 octaves higher then usual.

“I heard a lot of noise, what is going on.”

“Nothing. Spike and I are just……redecorating the room.”

She heard Spike snorting with laughter, “Redecorating? Good one honey.”

“What?”

“Yeah, we decided this room could use some redecorating, so…”

“So Spike is awake?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Don’t worry.”

“Should I come in?”

“NO! I mean…No, that is not necessary. We will just finish replacing the bed, and then we will come out to see the others.”

She panicked. If he was going to come in, she was going to die. It was like her own father would see her naked on the bed, having sex with a man she could never bring home to her parents.

“Ok, don’t take too long. Your friends really want to see you.”

“We won’t.”

She let out a sign of relieve when she heard him walk away.

“Oh my god, that was close.” She said, still naked on the bed, and pinned beneath her lovers’ body.

“I was actually. But redecorating…seriously Buffy.” He laughed, cocking one eyebrow.

“What, I panicked.”

“Why the hell would we be redecorating?”

“I panicked! What else could have possible made that much noise”

“Oh, I don’t know. Us having sex maybe.”

“Oh yeah, like I would tell him that.”

She wanted to slap herself hard, when she saw his face falling. She knew what he was thinking.

“No honey, that is not what I mend.” She said, stroking his hair.

“We are going to be together, and they are going to know that. No more secrets anymore, I want the word to know that you belong to me, and I belong to you.” She grinned. He just looked at her stunned. He had not expected that.

She knew he wanted to tell her what it mend to him that she said that, but there was no need. She could see every emotion effortless in his soulful eyes.

“But you do understand I don’t want Giles to know when I am having sex, don’t you.” She joked.” Now hush, let’s finish what we started, because I am not going out there yet. I haven’t had enough of you.” She said, placing her finger on his lips, and replacing it with her mouth.

After he finally pulled away, she saw a playful grin on his face. “If that’s the case, we will be in here for a long time.”

She giggled, before gasping when he clamed her body once again.

Screw the world; they were not coming out anytime soon.


*There you have it people.....finally love (among other thing, ok)! Hope it made you all a little happier. I just want to thank all the people who are supporting me and are giving such wonderful reviews. I appreciate it so much, you have no idea. It really gives me energy to continue. Thank you so much. I think we are up for at least two, or three chapters, plus an Epilogue. Maybe more, but I don’t know yet. Another chapter will be online soon, promise! Much love, Karin*

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“What is taking them so long? They have been in there for ages.”

Giles paced nervously across the room. ‘Redecorating, my arse.’

He knew something was going on in there, and even though he did not really want to know, it did bother him in tremendous ways that he did not know what his slayer was doing in there with that evil, bleach blond, annoying…. murderer.

He did not care how soulful he might be. He was a killer, and not nearly good enough for his strong, beautiful Buffy.

“They are probably just catching up. She must be shocked to see him again. ”Willow assured him.

She had just returned from the hospital, and felt much better after the good treatment she had received. The news that Spike had returned had come as a huge surprise, and she was actually pretty excited to see him again.

She never disliked him, and especially since he got his soul back. But she was also interested in Buffy’s reaction to him. She knew there had been more going between those two the they had let on.

After his death Buffy had been a completely different person, as she was dying to see her best friend as she used to be.

“She will be out in a moment. You’ll see.” She assured him.

“I don’t know, Willow.” He said, cleaning his classes. “I hate the idea of her being inside that room with that...Buffy!” He squeaked.

He had not been able to finish that sentence, because when he turned around, Buffy was standing in doorway.

His eyes flashed over her appearance: Her hair was messy, her cheeks were flaming red, her eyes were glowing but not as beautiful made up as they were earlier that night, and she was doing two things he had not expect or liked. 1. She was smiling, which was a thing he had not seen in a while. 2. She was holding hands….with Spike!

Buffy hadn’t even heard what Giles had been discussing with Willow, as she was on cloud nine.

“Buffy.” Willow grinned, walking to her friend. She had also noticed the difference in Buffy’s appearance, and she loved to see her like this. She was glowing.

“Willow, I am so glad you are ok.” Buffy smiled, as she pulled her arms around her friend. “You saved us once again.”

“Oh stop. You make it sound like you haven’t fought with all those demons trying to stop me during the ritual.” She winked.

After Buffy and Willow were done flattering each other, Willow turned to the man standing next to her. It felt almost unreal, seeing him again.

“Spike, I am so…..surprised to see you again. It is impossible to get rid of you, isn’t it?” She joked. And then, to his surprise, she pulled him in for a hug. “I am glad you’re back: We missed you.”

“Missed you too, red.” He mumbled. A little shocked by her reaction. He had always liked her, but it was not like they had bonded over the years or something.

“Spike. Can you please explain what you are doing here, and since when you have been back? And not unimportant: How it happened.”

Spike felt the urge to groan at hearing the voice of his least favourite person in the room. The atmosphere had changed instantly by the cold and bitter tone of his voice.

Spike knew he was doomed to explaining his story over and over, and having to deal with their disproval again and again.

“Well Rupert…” He started, dropping Buffy’s hand and taking a step forward. But she interrupted him.

“I will explain everything to you later Giles, don’t worry. I don’t think Spike is up for explaining to whole situation again, am I right?”

He could have swept her off her feet and kisses her senseless right there and then. She had no idea how much it relived him to not have to tell this to someone he did not particularly liked. It was painful enough not to share it with a man who would rather see him dead.

He also noticed she had grabbed his hand again, obviously not caring about the looks they were getting.

“It is so wonderful to see you two, and all happy like this.” Willow continued like nothing had happened. Like Giles was not throwing them disapproving looks, obviously shocked by their affection towards each other.

“Where are all the others?” Spike asked, knowing all the potentials were also in the building.

“In the living room, downstairs. I’ll take you there, they are dying to see you, I’m sure.” Willow said cheerfully, grabbing his free hand and pulling him with her to the staircase.

She had never been this forward with him, and she didn’t know why she was now. But she knew his place in Buffy’s life had drastically changed from now on. She just felt it. And therefore, he was her friend too.

Ready to go downstairs, they suddenly heard Giles cleaning his throat.

“Buffy, can I talk to you for a minute.”

She signed, knowing that this was coming. Spike looked at her with concern. Silently asking her if he should stay.

“I’ll be right down.” She said, assuring him with a smile.

After they had left, she turned around, feeling slightly irritated by the man she considered her father. If he though he had the right to tell her what to do, he had another thing coming.

“Giles, listen.” She said, before he could even clean his glasses, and continue his preach.

“I love you, I really do. But I am 23 years old now. I make my own decisions, and I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life. I know that you don’t approve, but…. when Spike was gone, I missed him more then I could tell you. It was consuming me. I never felt so disconnected, and you know that. You have seen me. And now he is back, and I won’t let him walk out my door again. I want to be with him, and I am going to be with him. No matter what you say or do. So save your breath.”

Giles stood there, stunned. He could not believe she had just said that, leaving him powerless to the situation.

She kissed him on the cheek, not wanting to hurt him. But then she turned around, preparing to leave the room.

He should have known that she would react like this. The way she had slammed the door in his face after he had tried to kill Spike, for her own safety, had made him realize how much she cared about him, and it had changed their relationship irreparably. He needed to know one thing.

“Buffy.” He called. And she turned around to face him.

“Does he make you happy?”

A little smile appeared on her face.

“He does.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes, Giles. I love him.”

And then, the same question Spike had once asked her:

“Do you trust him?”

It pained her to think back at that wonderful moment they had once shared beneath the rugs of his crypt, and which she had spoiled by giving him the most horrible answer. ‘Never’

“With my life.”

She gave him one last assuring smile, before walking down the staircase.

************************************************************

Spike felt uncomfortably exposed when he walked into the huge living room filled with familiar faces. Potentials squealed, Faith batted her lashed at him, Andrew jumped up, hugging him, telling his he was like Vegita, Xander made a sarcastic comment about him being like weed, and Willow hold them off like a bodyguard.

He ignored all the questions coming his way, and sat back on a huge sofa, as Willow did a healing spell on his wounds.

He felt tired, and as his body was getting whole again, his eyes closed. The people around him were still talking, but he was so tired, he could not hear what they said anymore.

The moment his eyes closed, images from the previous night came back to him. Screaming people, dying in front of him. Familiar faces, fighting awful, huge demons while their slime splattered on the sidewalk. A big flying dragon swinging his claw to hit….Angel.

He abruptely opened in his eyes at that though. Were was Angel?
Not that he care that much about his grandsire, but he did want to know if he was still alive.

“Willow, are there any other survivors?”


*I think my story is going to be longer then I said it would. There is just so much to write =P And thinks will get very fluffy soon. Count on another 3/4/5 chapters. Hope you guys are still liking it!! Another chapter will be up soon. Much love, Karin*

---

Willow saw concern washing over Spike’s face, and she realized he had been back longer the he was letting on. He was worried about….friends?

“The hospital was really crowded, but if you could give me some names I might be able to tell you something.”

He signed, massaging the bridge of his nose with one hand.

“Have you seen……”No, he was not giving it away like that. He had his pride.

“Have you seen a woman: Blue hair, red tight clothing, very strong, little scary, looking like Fred?”

Willow raised an eyebrow. “Fred? What do you mean she looks like Fred? Is something wrong with her?”

Ouch, he did not want to get in to that. “Fred is gone; her body has been taking over by this ancient demon, called Illyria.” He said, pained by his own words.

“What?”

“Long story Willow, please. Have you seen her?”

Willow took a seat beside him. “No, I have not.”

Spike signed. He wasn’t surprised though. It was so like her to take off as soon as the battle was over. She had an own path she needed to walk, and he knew that was what she was doing, right now.

She wasn’t dead, he knew that. If she was dead, he had been send of to hell a thousand times. She was not an ancient old powerful demon for nothing.

“Gunn is dead too, and Wesley.”

Willow started to look paler and paler. She hadn’t realized the damage that this apocalypse had caused, until now.

“How do you know all this?”

Spike explained the situation, as he played nervously with his hair. It pained him more to talk about it then he had expected.

“Willow, have you heard anything of Angel? I haven’t seen him after he had been hit by this huge dragon thingy.”

“I’m sorry Spike, but we haven’t heard of him either.”

She noticed he was trying to keep his cool, but felt he was definitely a little worried.

“Angel. I can’t believe we forgot about him.” Buffy’s voice sounded from the doorway. She looked a lot paler then she had a few minutes ago.

The whole room fell silent; everybody looked at the two of them.

Spike felt a little pang in his heart, not knowing what would change if Angel was still alive. He did not want his sire dead, but loosing Buffy too him was a thought he could not bear.

“Buffy, I’m sorry.” He said, standing up and looking into her eyes.

“I don’t know if he is…”

“He is not dead.” A voice broke the silence.

Buffy had heard the voice from behind her, and knew Giles must have followed her down the stairs.

“He’s not?” She said, and heard Spike asking the same question.

“No, he gave me a call when I was in the hospital. He wanted to know if we were all right, and if we found anyone of his team. He is injured but nothing that won’t heal.” He said.

Buffy could tell he was still upset with her, because he brought the news as if he was reporting the weather.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Spike was ahead of her. “Where is he?”

“He said that he was going to search for his son, to make sure he was ok. After that he would come here.” Giles said and turned to Spike. ”Was that some sort of code language…searching for his son?”

Spike saw Buffy’s green eyes looking at him in wonder and surprise, and he felt himself getting angry. That son of a bitch hadn’t even told her. He couldn’t bear seeing her in any more pain, so he gave a shrug. “I don’t know, I think so.”

“Well, I’m glad he is ok.” Buffy signed and she took a seat on the sofa together with Spike, embracing herself and looking relieved.

“Yeah.” Spike said, a little insecure. “And he is coming over.”

“Yeah.” She said, knowing this was going to be difficult. She hoped Angel would arrive soon, because she really wanted to deal with this as soon as possible. She wanted to go home.

“Oh Spike, Do you know I live in Italy now?” She asked, breaking the tension, and hoping all the others would stop staring at them.

“Yeah, in Rome. I knew, and you told me.”

“Oh yeah, I did. Well, are you looking forward to moving there?”

Spike’s eyes widened.

“Yes! I will just find myself an apartment near yours and I’m out of here. You are not getting rid of me now.” He said, breaking into a grin. “I can’t wait to live in at least the same town as you.”

“How about the same house?” She said. Her eyes were sparkling once again as she hugged his arm close to her body.

He forgot about all the other people in the room with them. They only thing he felt was a warm feeling of happiness washing over him. He didn’t know what to say, and before he knew what he was doing he pulled her close to him and in for a kiss.

He snapped back into reality when he heard the gasps and giggles of the people around them, and he expected her to pull away.

She didn’t.

The moment she felt his mouth on her, she drowned. She couldn’t help but sign at the idea of being with him, always. She couldn’t care less about the stares, and kissed him back with all she could give.

They pulled away after a few seconds, but couldn’t keep their eyes of each other. Even though Spike couldn’t keep his eyes open.

She smiled when she saw him yawning, and pulled him from the couch.

“Come on, I’ll lead you to the bedroom. You need to rest.”

He did not argue as she led him upstairs and un-tight his shoes. It was the sweetest thing he had ever seen.

After he lay in bed she gave him on last kiss, and told him she would join as soon as she could.

As she walked back to the living room, she heard the gossips coming trough the door.

“Did you see that?”

“I didn’t know they were a couple, did you?”

“Well, they were together before.”

“Not like this, they weren’t.”

“Just let them be, you guys.”

“What is she going to tell Angel? He will be here in soon.”

“Maybe she wants to date both.”

That was enough, she was going back in.

When she opened the door the whole room fell silent, and she smiled. Some things never change.

“I think this might be a good time to fill you all in what happened with Spike.” She said, more to Giles then to anyone else in the room.

She made it as short and simple as possible. Trying to leave out all the parts that made it obvious he did not try to contact her. They wouldn’t understand.

After an hour and a half, and millions of meaningless question, she was ready for bed. Watching him sleep next to her sounded very appealing.

That was probably why it was not happening.

She was halfway the staircase when Giles called her back.

“Buffy, Angel is here.”

---

She turned around, finding him standing at the bottom of the staircase. Looking at her with the big puppy dog eyes. She smiled at him, glad he was ok, even though he had some scratches here and there.

“Buffy. Oh my god, it’s so good to see you.” He said, pulling her in for an embrace.

She let him hug her, before pulling away, walking passed him to create some distance.

“It’s good to see you too. And alive, not unimportant.” She said, still smiling politely.

“Thank you so much for saving the day again. We did not stand a chance.” He continued, taking a step in her direction.

“Willow did most of the work, but you’re welcome.” She said, taking another step in the opposite direction.

“It surprised me though. I though you had this huge law firm to fight this kind of things. It didn’t turned out to be what you expected?” She added. She had never agreed with his decision to take over the evil Wolfram and Hart. It had made her wonder which side he was really on.

“No, it didn’t.” He said, feeling her disapproval, but not wanting to get into it.

She walked into the now empty living room, expecting him to follow her, and sat down on a chair.

He took a seat on the sofa and fumbled with his hands. He expected something from her, she knew. Something she couldn’t give him.

“What now Buffy?” He asked her. She couldn’t stand the glint of hope that sounded trough his voice.

“I’m heading back to Rome as soon as I’m done here. After that, I’m not sure.” She said lightly, as if she had not noticed the looks he was giving her.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and you?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Oh.”

She felt very unconformable being in this situation. She knew what he wanted, and also knew she had to tell him that it wouldn’t happen.

“Spike is here too.”

“Giles told me.” He said, suddenly more irritated, but also curious.

“Oh. Well, we found him. I though you might be worried.”

“I searched, but I couldn’t find him. I must have arrived the moment after you took him with you.” Still irritated and a little embarrassed he rose from his seat and started pacing across the room.

“Right.”

“I could also smell his scent of course. All the way across the street.”

“You know what I think about the smelling people thing, don’t you?” She joked, but he wasn’t done yet.

“The same scent you are bathing in right now.”

He waited to see her eyes widen, or to hear words of apology and lame excuses, but they didn’t come. She just gave him a tiny smile, and stood up in front of him. Saying nothing.

“But you were cookie dough.” He suddenly spat, desperation sounding trough his voice.


Spike awoke when a familiar scent washed over him. His sire was here.

He groaned, feeling tired, but wanted to know what was going to be said. He sat up, while rubbing his half shut eyes, and he stretched himself out till he could stretch no more.

He grabbed a black shirt that laid neatly folded on the chair beside him, and pulled it on. It was not his own shirt, because that one was soaked with blood and ripped by demon claws. Buffy must have given him this, or maybe Willow. Whoever it was, he was very grateful.

He heard voices coming from the living room, and did not bother to pull on his pants. What was going? How badly was Angel hurt anyway?

Only dressed in his black boxer and a t-shirt, he walked down the stairs. He did not walk in on them, but stood beside the doorway. He felt like he was spying, but couldn’t care less when he heard what they were talking about.

“I could also smell his scent of course. All the way across the street.”

He felt the tension in the room, and couldn’t help but feeling slightly delighted by this.

“You know what I think about the smelling people thing, don’t you?” Spike couldn’t help but stiff a giggle when he heard her say that. She had told him the same thing about Angel, that time in the basement.

“The same scent you are bathing in right now.”

He knew. He knew he knew.

Seeing Buffy smile like she was doing right now, warmed his heart more then anything. She obviously did not feel the need to explain it, nor hide it.

“But you were cookie dough.”

What? What the hell was wrong with him. Cookie dough?

“I know…I….I don’t know. When he died I realized I…I wanted to be…his cookie.” That last part came out a little softer and Angels hand flew up in the air.

“Oh my god.”

Spike had now idea what they were talking about, but it sounded really good.

“Angel, this has nothing to do with you. I’m not asking you for permission.”

“Are we talking about Spike here? The sarcastic, cruel and annoying vampire that used to drive you up the wall?”

He could see her hiding a smile and knew she was thinking the same thing. More against the wall these days.

“Don’t tell me you believe that. No matter how much you tell me how you two despise each other, I’m not buying it. You care, and so does he. Why else would you have stayed together as long as you did, these six months?”

“Because…..”He paused and let out a long sign.

“Because he is my child, so I do care, ok. But that doesn’t make him a good man. Will he make you happy?” He asked, with a hint of disbelieve in his voice.

“He already was, and still is. I’m sorry Angel, but….This is not up for discussion. I love Spike, and I want to be with him. That is just how it is.”

He smiled, and wondered if it was time for him to enter the room. But remained where he was. Perhaps not yet.

“And us? Is that all gone?” Puppy dog eyes back in full force.

Spike saw her grabbing his hands, and looking at him with a smile. “Angel, I love you. I always will. But you now as well as I do there had not been an ‘us’ for a long time now. And you know what I feel for Spike”

He saw Angel opening his mouth, but she carried on, dropping his hands. “We are leaving as soon as possible. Probably tomorrow. Do you know where you are staying?”

Spike smiled. He had not known how real this was, until he heard her say it, to Angel.

“I’m staying with a friend, until I find my own place.” He said, and gave a deep sign before looking at her.

“I’ll be fine. Will you be?”

“I will be. I am.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

She smiled, and opened her arms to give him a hug.

“Thank you Angel. You can always contact us.”

As they stood there for a short moment, exchanging a friendly hug, Spike found it the perfect moment to interfere.

He painted on a shocked expression and walked into the room, barefoot.

“I am not interrupting something I am.” He said, and enjoyed the effect it had on the two of them.

Angel spun around a little to fast, and was obviously not pleasantly surprised. Buffy on the other hand, flashed him a wide smile, and he gave her a grin before walking up to his granddad.

“Hello Peaches, looks like you are still here.”

“That I am Spike.”

They stood in the middle of the room, facing each other. For a moment, Buffy though they were going to throw punches, but suddenly the corner of Spike’s mouth lifted. He gave his sire a smile, and not the usual cocky once, but a friendly smile.

She looked at Angel and saw him returning the smile of his child.

“Glad you’re ok. Sorry about the others mate.”

“Yeah, you too. Good fight.”

“Thanks man.”

Before Buffy realized what was happening, the two of them were engaged in a manly hug. It looked so unreal, a giggle escaped her.

“What are you laughing at?” Spike asked with a smile, letting go of Angel.

“That was so sweet.”

He rolled his eyes and laughed. “Women.”

“And a good one you have Spike. Make her happy.”

“I will, you can count on it.”

Angel walked towards the door, trying to push Spike out of the way as he did. Buffy noticed this and rolled her eyes in turn. Some thing really never changed.

“See you all later. I’ll keep in touch.” He said kindly, for Buffy’s sake, no doubt.

Although he was obviously not that happy about her dissension, she felt good when she closed the door behind him.

She had made a choice, and knew it was the right one. She would always care for Angel, but Spike was the man she wanted to be with. The man who made her happy.

Before she could turn around, his hands slipped around her waste, hugging her close to him, and his mouth rained kisses down her neck.

“Are you ok, pet?”

“I’m very ok Spike.” she moaned, leaning into his touch.

“And tomorrow we will go home. We can make a fresh start. How does that sound?” Her hands run over his abs, as she spun around in his arms.

“Sound very good love, and you know what else sounds good?”

His hand ran over her spine, covered by her night blue sweater.

“You, me, bedroom, now.”

She gasped, and laughed as he lifted her off her feet, and flung her over his shoulder.

“Even better. Let’s go.”

The house filled with laughter for the first time in ages, as he carried her up the stairs.

She had made a choice. And it was without a doubt the right one to make.

---

"This is it. It's not much, but it provides a roof over our head."

Spike looked around the small apartment, with small windows and a big couch in the middle. It was not much, as she had said,
but it was homely and warm. It reminded him a little bit of the Revello Drive, and a smile crept up his face.

"It's great, sweetheart.”He said kindly. Pulling her against his body, as they stood on the threshold.

"No, it's not. But it will be from now on." She pulled him in for as kiss, as she said that, and a low growl escaped him.

Spike was happy to finally be there, as the trip from L.A. took them long enough. Not that it wasn’t a nice trip, though. On the plane they had busied themselves with stupid games, long conversations and loving smooches. They were really making up for lost time.

The boat trip had been a nice opportunity to stretch their legs, and replay some scenes from Titanic.

Letting go, they walked in and Buffy shut the door.

“Shall I give you the tour?” She laughed, pulling at his hand as they hung up their coats.

“If you insist. As long as it’s short, and ends up in the bedroom.”

“Oh, you can count on that mister. I will not have it any other way.”

As she led him over to the kitchen, she placed a passionate kiss on his lips, slipping in her tong and exploring his willing mouth.

“Kitchen.” She said, as she gasped for air.

“Ok, check.” Although his attention was not really with the small, beige kitchen.

She melted against him and walked backwards to show him the bathroom, while he was unbuttoning her blouse.

“Bathroom”

He spotted the tub, and grinned against her mouth. He loved tubs, and especially with Buffy inside of them. Nevertheless, it was also a tiny room.

Her blouse had found its way to the floor, and she was now standing there in a white top and her jeans. Barefoot on the bathroom floor as her golden locks waved over her slender shoulders.

“Very nice.” He mumbled, as he was now kissing her neck and shoulders.

“What, me or the bathroom?” She laughed, and she felt her desire burning deep inside of her.
His blue, sparkling eyes came in sight and he flashed her a very naughty smile.

“Both.”

She felt like a giddy school girl, as they walked trough the house, making out like a couple of teenager, and she couldn’t remember having this much fun.

“Dawns room is across mine. I’ll show you.”

“Oh, of course Dawn. Is she home?”

“No, she’s not. She is with a friend from school till tomorrow. So tonight is ours.” She grinned, and pulled him with her to the last room. Her bedroom.

It did not remind him of her old bedroom. That room had been the bedroom of a girl, with pictures of her friends and boy band poster, together with her stuffed animal on the large bed.

This was not the room of a girl; it was the room of a woman. And not a very cheery woman at that. The room was beige, like the rest of the house, and it was mostly filled with a big bed in the middle.

There was a dresser, a mirror, a nightstand, a plant in the corner, and a small window covered with beige curtains. It was colourless and lifeless, and he started to realize how much she must have changed when he was gone. This was nothing like the woman he held in his arms right now.

At this point she was happier then he had ever seen her, and it made him so proud to know he had something to do with that. It did make him sad that she had gone trough this, but they needed to let go of the past. After this, everything would be perfect.

“It is not very cheery, I know.”

“That’s ok baby. We can cheer it up in our own way.” He winked, and traced her lips with his finger.

“Mmmm, I like that.” She moaned, before capturing his finger with her mouth and sucking on it gently.

His eyelids fluttered at the feeling of her warm, wet mouth and he leaned against her to nuzzle her hair.

She realized he was standing in front of the bed, and took advantage of it by letting go of his finger, and giving him a rough push, so he fell backwards on it.

Before he could even recover from the shock, she had climbed on top of him, capturing his mouth possessively and running her hand over his abs.

“Oh my, Buffy.” He gasped.” You are quit ‘frisky’ today.”

She couldn’t help laughing out loud, and sat up to face him.” Yes my dearest darling. I am. I hope that it does not bother you.”

“Well, I guess I can live with it.” He joked as she slapped him playfully on the chest.

“You are in control far too much mister, so tonight I will be the one making the rules.” She declared, stroking his face as she straddled him.

“Oh really? And what may those be?”

“You will just lie here, not doing anything, while I have my wicked way with you.”

He smiled, liking the sound of her plan. Damn, she was in one naughty mood, and he loved every second of it.

“Not doing anything?” He asked, while sliding his hand down to cup her ass.

She giggled, and wriggled against him. “Well, perhaps you can meet some of my moves.” And she dipped in to kiss him again.

As he stroked her back and soft hair, she worked down his neck and chest, after getting rid of his shirt. He was helplessly trapped underneath her strong grip, and could do noting but groan and whimper in responds to her teasing moves.

She got rid of her top and bra, and removed his boats in one fast movement before climbing back on top.

“I have dreamed about having you here, making love to you, since the very first night. This is how it is supposed to be.”

And to underline her words, she unzipped his jeans, and boldly reached for his manhood.

Her warm hands on him surprised him immensely and he jolted right up, eyes widened. But she pushed him back, laying on top of him and whispering sweet things in his ear.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’ll take care of you. You just need to lie down and let it happen.”

Her hand run over the soft skin of his erection, and his eyes rolled back in his head. She knew exactly where and how to touch him, because his body was more familiar to her then anyone’s body had ever been.

She stroked and teased him, while her mouth tucked at his lip, and kissed him passionately. Her mouth was soon filled with his moans and pleads he could not hold back. She knew exactly how to drive him to the edge, and it made her smile against him.

She was driving him insane, and he was loving it. He was pinned beneath her warmth and he was incredibly turned on by the fact that all he could do was surrender to her touch.

Therefore, it did not take long before he felt his entire body tightening.

“Buffy, luv, I’m gonna…”

“Stt, that’s ok baby. Just let go. I love you.”

Her sweet loving words send him over the edge, and he felt like he exploded, as his orgasm hit him hard. His mouth was letting out a silent scream, and she cached it by covering his mouth and kissing him senseless once more. He sure was glad he did not need to breath.

When he had spend all he was worth, she lay flat on top of him, while she placed her hands on the white sheets next to hot body, smearing them with his release.

“God Buffy, that was bloody perfect.” He signed, kissing her head with affection. “I love you so much.”

“Oh, I’m not done with you yet mister.” She gave him one last kiss before getting up from the bed.

He protested when her warmth and weight left his body, but fell silent as he saw her stripping off the rest of her clothes, and enjoyed the view.

She walked around the bed, pushing down his jeans, which were still on, and threw it on the floor.

“Come here you.” He said, reaching out for her as she crawled back into his arms.

Their foreheads touched and they starred at each other for a while. Confirming it was really real.

“I love you, pet.”

“I love you too, Spike.”

And after exchanging a kiss full of promises, she sunk down on his length, connecting them physically.

He stretched her till she reached her limit and moved on top of him while lacing her hands with his on the side of his head. They moved together, declaring their love over and over with every move.

His kisses and moans had already turned her and now her body was overflowed with small orgasms, preparing her for something bigger

He groaned in her ear, sounding almost like the demon, and the vibration made her moan loudly as she captured his mouth and run her hand over his chest. His hands tangled in her hair, pulling her close to him.

She was close, he could feel it as she tightened around him, and he knew he was not going to last long either.

“Spike.” She gasped, trembling in his arms.

“Buffy, sweetheart. Oh god.”

“Never ever leave me Spike. Promise me you never leave.”

“I promise Buffy. I am never going to leave you. Never.”

And at that, she came. It was so overwhelming it made her sob, and she took him right along with her.

After not being able to speak for a couple of minuets. She looked up at him, face dripping with sweat. “That was perfect.”

“Yes, and according to your clock radio, we still have an entire night to fill with perfect moments.”

She laughed, and whipped a strand of his tousled hair form his forehead. “I like the sound of that, lover.”

************************************************************

Hours later, they still laid on the bed, tangled in sheets and each other. Extremely satisfied and exhausted, but in the good way.

“You know what Spike?” Buffy suddenly asked.

“What, luv?”

“I hate this house.”

He turned around, leaning on his elbows.

“Well, so much for the afterglow.”

“No, I mean it. Except for this wonderful night, all my memories contain nothing more than grief and pain. I look at the bathroom, and only remember the first night I slept here and I crashed. Spend all night on that floor, crying under the sink.”

“Oh sweetheart, I am so...”

“It’s just…I want to make a fresh start with you. And even though Italy has good food, it is not really my country.”

“You want to go back to California?”

“Well…I don’t know. I like Europe, but perhaps we could go up north.”

“Well, there is France, or Germany, the Netherlands, the U.K.”

“Yeah, something like that. I was thinking about London, because it already is home for you in a way. Or Paris, maybe Amsterdam, only I don’t speak the language.”

“Oh, they all speak English. Well, at least the Dutch do. But wherever it is you want to go, I’ll follow you baby.”

She flashed him a sweet smile while he placed soft kisses upon her hand.

“Shall I make you breakfast?”

“Oh that is so sweet of you honey.” She said, grinning widely and clapping her hands together. “There is blood for you in the fridge by the way. I had Dawn get some before we arrived.”

“Sound good pet, let’s go.”

He put on his shirt and jeans before reaching for her hand, helping her out of the bed.

He dressed her like she was a child, and she loved all the attention he was giving her.

In the kitchen he made her pancakes, which she had not had in ages. And after he drunk down his mug with blood, he washed up and sat across from her at the table.

“Oh Buffy” He signed, grabbing her hand and kissing it gently. Before ruining the moment and giving it a long, wet lick with his tong. She giggles, and poked him with her fork.

“Buffy, would you have married me?”

Her eyes met his, and she melted by seeing his hopeful eyes and she smiled.

“Yes William, I would have married you. I would have married you, have your baby’s and lived happily ever after. And we will, expect for the baby part of course.”

He grinned and kissed her nose. “We’ll see about that.”

She wanted to respond, but the sound of door getting unlocked distracted her.

“Looks like Dawn is home.”

*Now, wasn't that fluffy. Hope you guys like it! (cough Please review cough) New chapter is on it's way, but it will be one of the last ones. Thank you all so much for the support! Much love, Karin*

---

“Are you sure you are not coming with us Dawnie?” Buffy asked, letting tears fall from her eyes and pulling her sister into a tight embrace.

She was having a hard time leaving Dawn, but she couldn’t force her to leave the life she had created here behind. In contrary to Buffy, Dawn had not dwelled on the past, and moved on the moment they had arrived here. Making new friends, going to a new school where she was a good student, and finding a nice part-time job as a waitress.

For some reason, Dawn felt more at home in Italy then expected. And therefore she had chosen not to join Spike and Buffy to their new home in London. She was staying with her best friend and the parents, until she was old enough to get her own place.

Buffy had agreed, even though she did not want to leave her little sister behind. She was not going to stand in her way, and as long as Dawn was happy, so was she. But that did not mean she wasn’t having a hard time right now.

“Don’t worry Buffy; I can take good care of myself. You and mum though me that. I will be all right.” Dawn smiled, trying not to cry, but failed when she saw her sister’s waterworks.

“I’ll miss you so much. You need to promise me you will call me at least once a week.”

“I promise. I’ll miss you too.”

Spike found the scene in front of him very endearing, but a glance at the clock told him it was time to break it up.

“Buffy, love, if we don’t go now we will miss our plane.”

Buffy looked at Spike with her still teary-eyes, and then back at her sister.

“It’s ok Buffy, you need to go. Go.” Dawn said with a grin, pushing her sister in the direction of the door.

“Ok, ok.” Buffy laughed. “I love you Dawn. I will call you as soon as we get there.”

“Love you too Buffy. Have a nice flight.”

“Goodbye Niblet, take good care of yourself, ok?
Or I will be back.” Spike grinned, pulling Dawn into a tight embrace.”

“You too Spike, Thank you for…everything.” Spike did not know what that was exactly, but she looked so sincere, he knew she mend it.

And with that, they finally left. Driving Spike’s new, legal car to the airport, and taking their flight to Great Brittan. Starting their new life together.

************************************************************

“Oh Spike, It’s perfect.” Buffy gasped, when they drove up the driveway of the mansion they could now call home.

When they had first discussed the move to another country thing, Spike had not mentioned the fact that he owned a nice mansion with a big garden just outside of London. He hadn’t done in on purpose, he had just simply forgotten. And that wasn’t that strange since he had not set foot in it for over 25 years.

He had paid the son of the previous owner for keeping it clean and descent. And then he had paid the son of the son of the owner. It had been such amount of money he was probably still keeping it clean. But other then that he hadn’t told anyone about this house.

He had bought it 75 years ago, when he needed a place for his own where he could crash without being disturbed. He hadn’t told Angel, he hadn’t told Dru, he hadn’t told anybody. And now it was going to be their home. It was perfect.

Perfect because the house was clean of memories. No murder or meaningless sex had accrued here. It was ready for a fresh start.

Buffy had just got of the phone with Giles, telling him they were moving. She was surprised he was so enthusiastic about her moving to the U.K., but she was touched to hear he liked her living closer to him. Andrew had been beside himself, of course. He had went on and on about fate bringing them together, because after the battle, Andrew had moved in with Giles again.

“Oh Spike, we will be able to spend so much time together as friends again. We can play all these cool games and watch movies. It will be so much fun.” His voice had sounded over the hands free phone. And Buffy had tried not to burst out in laughter while Spike was making a face.

“I had forgotten how nice it was.”, he said, while parking the car and glancing at his house.

“You mean, how nice it is, sweetheart.” Buffy said, as her mouth fell open. Up-close it was even more impressive.

The house was very traditional and was probably build when he was born. It was huge and classic, and the huge garden was the icing on the cake. It was surrounded by rosebushes, big, old trees, and loads of wild flowers. It was like a dream too Buffy.

The inside was just as impressive, as red velvet chairs, big dark wooden chests and classic big stairs welcomed her as she walked in.

“Oh my god, this is amazing Spike.” She gasped. Spike was very pleased to see her happy. He had been afraid she would find it too old-fashioned instead of classic, as he saw it.

That night, they dined in the garden, as it was a very nice location for a romantic dinner. They had spent the whole day checking out the house, and bringing in their stuff.

The house had 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a library, a huge living room with fireplace, a kitchen and an entrance. There was also an old attic, a balcony and a wine basement. It was so nice, Buffy had been dancing trough all the rooms, feeling like a princess.

Now Spike had cooked for them, and she was enjoying the lovely meal under the moonlight.

“Isn’t this scene a little tacky?” Spike asked, while taking a bite of his food. Even though he usually skipped real meals, it now seemed right to join her.

“Very tacky, but I love it anyway.” Buffy grinned, while chewing on her meat, and spraying little pieces of stake over him as she did.

“Aaw, thank you honey, you just made it a lot less tacky.” Spike laughed, whipping the meat of his face.

She chuckled while staring at him, under the starlight. “I never want to leave this place. I will never found a more perfect house in a more perfect place. And most important, with a more perfect person.”

Spike signed as he enlaced their fingers and looked at her. “So we won’t.” He stated with a smirk. But then he brought her hand up to his moth and kissed is softly. She couldn’t help but giggle, as he tickled her hand with his tongue.

“So pet, are you ready for dessert?” He asked innocent while standing up from his seat.

“Yes, very. What is it?”

And without a warning, he scooped her up in his arms, while she let out a surprised yelp.

“It’s upstairs pet. Wanne check it out?” He laughed, carrying her inside, and taking her upstairs.

They were finally alone, in their very own house. And because there was no one they could disturb with noises, Spike was more than curious to find out how hard he could make her scream his name.

“Oh god, SPIKE.”

(Check out this little poem Buffy(wait no.. It was me =P) wrote for Spike after chapter 7 – Death meets love of this fic. She misses him and writes a poem ->
http://www.spikeluver.com/SpuffyRealm/viewstory.php?sid=15995)

*Last chapter coming up! This one will also contain spoilers of the beginning of the sequel, that I will be writing after taking a little break from this fic. I hope you liked this one. I did not wanted to make a huge deal about the house, but be more focussed and their relationship, which will make a nice turn soon *wink* Thank you for reading this, please review!! Much love, Karin*

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Last chapter: Here we go!

“Honey, I’m home.” Buffy yelled, before shutting the door behind her. Shutting out the winter cold that had reddened her cheeks and nose.

The comfortable heat cause by the fireplace welcomed her, and she removed her gloves and coat while putting down her shopping bags.

Leaving near London was something she could really get used too. It was so fascinating to discover the city with Spike, and learn its history, and all the beautiful spots. Or just go shopping by herself and finding all the lovely boutiques.

She awaited his respond, but smiled when she heard water running, realizing he was in the shower.

She grabbed her bags, so she could put away her purchases, and decided she would then join him in the bathroom.

Walking past the salon table, her eye fell upon an opened big brown book. Usually, books did not grab her attention like this, but the title of the chapter made her wonder. ‘Expecting the un-Expectable.’

As far as she knew, Spike hated everything that had anything to do with magic, and for that reason, she stopped to read the page, in wonder what Spike wanted to expect, that was not expectable.

It did not take her long to figure it out, and her mouth dropped open as she absorbed every single word on the page. She realized what he was trying to do for her, for them.

This book was about some serious magic, but if what it said was only slightly true…Good lord.

Feeling a little light-headed, she finally dropped the book and made her way upstairs. She needed to talk to Spike, and see if he could confirm what she had just read.

When her hand reached for the bathroom door, she was almost too afraid to open it. If he was going to say that it wasn’t real, she would probably brake down.

Not that she could walk away, though. He must have already felt her presence through the door.

She was greeted by his low voice humming a song, and hot steam coming from the shower. She could barely see him through the glass that separated the shower from the rest of the room. A glance of platinum blond hair and cream-colored skin was all she could see.

“Hi darling, had a nice day shopping?” his voice sounded casually above the sound of the streaming water.

“Yeah…yeah I did.” She answered, trying to sound just as relaxed.

He started to hum again, but realized she was still there.

“Care to join me, luv?”

“Yes, but first…Spike, can I ask you something?”

She could tell he was a bit startled by the seriousness of her voice, and took a few seconds to respond.

“Of course.”

She did not know how to begin, and sat down upon the laundry basket to remove her shoes and jeans.

“I saw the book on the table, the one you have been reading.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Spike?” Pleading him to explain while pulling her sweater over her blond head.

“Buffy, I mend to tell you, but…”

“Don’t tell me it is not true.” Buffy pleaded, opening the shower door, facing her naked and soapy lover with big eyes.

“I was so afraid it wasn’t, luv. That’s why I did not tell you. But after my phone call with Willow today, I realized it is. It worked for others.”

She stepped in the shower with him, now completely naked as well, and too stunned to even speak in complete sentences.

“You mean…?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“We can have…”

“Yes, we can.”

“We can have a baby!”

“Several, if we wish.”

“Oh my god…Spike.”

Speechless: That was what she was, and he could see all his emotional reflect in her green eyes.

“How? Spike, what do we need to do?”

She was moving restless in his arms, and he grabbed her shoulders to hold her still.

“All we need to do is call Willow, and she will do some sort of spell that will make me…well…productive for about an hour. It is a heavy spell, but she said she could handle it.”

She kept stared at him, touching his arms en torso. Suddenly she just rapped her arms around him, letting out a little cry.

“This is so wonderful. Being with you is all I ever wanted, but this…This feels like I have created my own heaven on earth.”

Knowing what she mend, he felt himself glowing with pride. Even though he had never told anyone, having children was something he had always wanted when he was still human, and after that he considered it one of the bigger downsides of being a vampire, even though Dru had not been a good candidate to start a family with. And now, nothing was impossible anymore. With Buffy he could feel like a human being again.

“I know, I feel it too.”

“I can’t believe you did this for me, Spike. I love you so much.” She almost sobbed, but still with a huge grin on her face.

“For us, sweetheart. It was the least I could do.”

“When are we going to do it?” She asked, almost jumping up and down in his arms and kissing his neck and face in excitement.

“Right now would be good.” He groaned, running his hands over her naked, wet form.

She had always enjoyed playing with his hair when it was wet, because it would stand up straight when she ran her fingers trough it. She always considered it an adorable look for him.

“No, Spike. I mean the baby making.”

“Whenever you want, kitten. But we really need to practise first, you know. Practise makes perfect.”

“Mmmm, that sounds good.” She moaned, as his blunt teeth grasped the tender flesh of her neck.

He patiently worked his mouth over her body, as he pushed her gently against the shower wall. Getting ready to show her everything he could not say.

“Honey, that feels cold.” She giggled, but instantly forgot when he ran his fingers over her entrance.

She clutched his wet, soapy shoulders for support, when he entered her with a long, skilled finger, and gasped when he slipped in a second one. Stretching her and feeling her muscles tightening around him as he moved in and out. Making her squirm.

“Spike, oh god. I love you, I love you so much.” She sobbed when he just kept hitting all the right spots. He silence her with kissed, which made her moan into his mouth. When he groaned in responds, he felt her body shiver, and did it again to feel doing it again.

Stimulating her stronger and harder, she started tightening around him, and he felt she was already close to the edge.

“Let go sweetheart.” He groaned, weakened in the knees my her pleads, moans and confessions of love.

And she climaxed around his hand, drenching it with her come.

After her release, she pulled him to her, embracing him and catching her breath, while he was kissing her jaw line softly. Drowning in the love she was giving him.

“Ready for round two?” She grinned, knowing he had been more then ready since the moment she had stepped into the shower with him.

“For you, I am always ready, luv.” He winked, while nudging her legs open with his knees, and lifting her against the wall.

“I’ve noticed.”

She rapped her legs around him in respond, and moaned when she felt him pushing against her.

Before he could go any further, she bit his neck hard with blunt teeth, on the exact same spot Drusilla had once clamed him.

His eyes snapped open at the feeling, and he felt his demon coming forward by her action. It was highly arousing, and with a groan, he roughly pushed into her heat, making her moan and gasp in surprise and pleasure.

He often made sudden moves like that, just to hear her making that sound, and gasp his name.

He was deeply seated inside of her willing body, and looked into her eyes before moving.

“Take me, I’m yours.” She whispered, passion taking her over.

He started to move, as she met his every trust. Gently at first, but then rougher, pounding her into wall, encouraged by Buffy’s moans and movements.

She was holding on to him, slippery and hot from the water, as he took over her body with every stroke. The wild, possessive look in his eyes and the low groans in her ear, made her loose control along with him.

He could feel her coming around him within minuets, followed by an other orgasm, and another.

She was now screaming his name over and over, as waves of pleasure kept hitting her in delicious ways.

Her tightened muscles drove him insane, and his orgasm hit him hard when she kept squeezing him.

When they were finally able to stand straight without wobbling, he put her down on the shower floor and kissed her passionately.

“That was amazing.” She signed, basking in his arms, and running her hands trough his hair.

“So, ready for round 3?”

************************************************************

3 and a half hours later, they lay sprawled across the living room rug, in front of the fire place to dry up, rapped into a big white towel.

“Well, I think it’s safe to say we have practised enough to know how we are going to make our baby.” Buffy sighed, a little sore from their previous lovemaking.

“I would say so yes.” Spike grinned, knowing Buffy was just as eager as he was to start a family together.

“I can’t believe our baby could be growing in there, in a matter of weeks.” He said, stroking her stomach with his hand.

“I know. Me neither. You are really making the whole dream perfect, aren’t you? With the baby’s and the living happily ever after in this beautiful house.”

“And I’m still working on the marriage thing.” Spike laughed, tickling her across the stomach.

She giggled and stretched herself on the soft floor. “Oh sure, and then the you becoming human thing.”

“Or the you becoming immortal thing.”

“Or the you not being such a smartass thing.” She laughed, kissing him on the nose, while he grabbed her hips.

“Like you don’t love it.” He groaned, feeling her straddling him

“That I do, sweetie.” She wriggled, making him hard again.

“Ready for round 8?”

The End

ATTENSION! =P
I made a music video with this fic, just because…I felt like it!
If you want to see it (please do!), go here -> http://www.youtube.com/my_videos.php
If you want to download it, go her -> http://www.megaupload.com/nl/?d=SNAF6TRB


*Thank you all so much for the support I recieved. This was my very first english fic, and I really enjoyed writting it. And I hope you enjoyed reading it, of course =D I am wrtiting an other one already =P Which will be up soon. Thank you all so much, And please review, cause I love reviews!!*