Summary: Set after Same Time, Same Place. Buffy tries to overcome Spike's astounding news, feeling very undeserving of what Spike has offered up to her. Where will this lead them? This is my take of what I would like to happen between Buffy and Spike this season.

*~*Spoilers, chapter 1 from 7.4, chapters 2-4 from 7.5, chapter 5 possibly 7.6 and chapter 6 possibly 7.6 and 7.7. Chapter 7 and beyond are all my own, with a little help from my friends. =)*~*

A/N: Please read and enjoy. And, oh yeah, I want to know what you think

Disclaimer: Be forewarned, includes some *spoilers* from upcoming episodes. So if you are trying to remain unspoiled, don't go there! All these characters and spoilers that will really happen in the weeks ahead, all belong to one Joss Whedon and his affiliates. I'm just embellishing with the fluffiness because we all know Joss is not the fluffy spuffy type.

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**protect: to cover or shield from injury or danger.

Buffy wandered through the maze of hallways once again, her intent being to check up on the crazed vampire, who was once her confidante when she was pulled back to this world over a year ago. She kept telling herself it was just to make sure he wasn't doing anything else gruesome to himself out of her sight. In actuality, she felt better just seeing him, being in his presence; even if he was stark raving mad. And why was he like that in the first place?

She pushed that question out of her mind constantly for she knew most of his insanity was because of her. He harbored a soul, a soul in which he took off last spring for, a soul he told her he got for because he wanted to give her what he thought she deserved.

What did she deserve? Not him. Not now, she thought. He who was more man than demon when you stepped back and looked at the big picture. He who loved her completely with all his heart and all his soul. This man who wanted her to be happy and to live, who would do anything for her, even go to the farthest reaches of this planet to find someone who would grant him the decency to return to him what was his over a century ago.

Now his punishment on receiving his gift for her was sheer torture, killing him from the inside out. Throwing grief back into his face from countless victims he had taken the life from. Riddling his conscience from too many who he had decimated for his survival, for without their life's blood, he would not be living his undead life.

The thought of all the harsh things she had ever said to him, called him, the punches, the kicks below the belt, flowed through her mind now. He had hurt her; no, the demon within him had hurt her, physically hurt her that night that seemed so long ago. She remembered the look in his eyes when she threw him off of her. He was, the man was, absolutely terrified and sickened at what almost happened. He could barely speak to her and he took off quickly when she told him to ask her again why she could never love him. That was the last she saw of him til she stumbled upon him, raving mad in the school’s basement, talking to someone not there, speaking to the walls.

Now that she knew what he had done for her, what he had won to give to her, she felt guilt- ridden. One selfless act he performed for another, for her, because of his guilty conscience that was destroying his humanity. Surely he knew the trauma it would inflict upon him. He was around when Angel was cursed with his. Maybe he thought that by asking for his soul, he would not have to withstand the pain and guilt that ripped Angel apart. She wondered what he had to have done, or had to give up for his soul to be returned. She didn't expect they were handing them out freely. And who were they to even be able to perform such a tremendous act? Those were questions yet to be asked of the one who had attained it, and probably would be unanswered until Spike was in his right mind, if ever he would be.

She rounded a corner and heard his voice, the ramblings of an insane person. When she reached the doorway, she could clearly make out what he was saying.

"Don't do it. I beg you, don't. Don't hurt the girl. She means everything to me. I know she has, but I deserved it. No, she is my light and I need that light. So dark here, so, so very dark, I need the light. Please, don't hurt the girl, don't hurt the girl, don't hurt the girl," his voice painfully drifted off.

"Spike," she softly called to him after walking into the room. He was sitting on his haunches rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, hands balled up at the sides of his head. She called him again, a bit louder. His head jerked up and he looked at her with fear and pain in his eyes. He stood abruptly, shaking his head no. He wouldn't look at her for very long, rarely making eye contact.

"No, no, no, shouldn't be here. No good. The light will go out if in the dark too long. Bad things trying to take the light away. Won't have it, but so weak. Don't hurt the girl, don’t hurt---" his distraught voice drifted off, like his reality was swept into an alternate universe.

"Spike, please, I've come to check on you, to see how you are doing and to ask for your help again."

"I can help, help is good. I can do good, I can, really." He gave her a sideways glance, speaking like he was trying desperately to convince her of his abilities.

"I know, that’s why I'm here. I've had a student come to me. I think she may be gifted, cause she told me of her possible death. I believe there may be other forces at work here, though. Have you seen or heard anything unusual?"

"Can't say, things here without permission. Need to check their tickets. The girl, she will die? Don't hurt the girl." He reached out and grabbed Buffy's arm tightly which startled her. He let go instantly realizing he was touching her and looked at her with an intense gaze.

"Don't hurt the girl," he repeated again.

"The girl? Cassie?" she asked him.

He placed his hands behind him and casually walked away from her shaking his head. Buffy let out a long sigh.

"I guess I will go then."

Spike whirled around then, panic in his face. "No, please stay. I---miss you."

Her face softened at his proclamation. "I need to go, I have to work. Besides, whenever I'm around you seem to get worse. I'll be back, I promise." She walked towards the door and stopped, turning her head slightly to watch him slump down against a few boxes.

"I miss you, too," she whispered before heading down the corridor of the basement.

Spike smiled slightly, as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

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A few evenings later, Buffy's suspicions had been confirmed when she found out about a secret cult that was using the school facilities to perform their rituals. Sacrifices were without a doubt a part of the demonic ceremonies and Buffy planned on putting a stop to it right away, especially if human lives were at stake or demons were being called. There were enough demons walking around good old Sunnydale already, no more needed to be resurrected from other dimensions or wherever else they should be called forth from.

She found them in a secluded room in the basement. Red robed figures standing around a very frightened Cassie, chanting words that Buffy knew would bring no good. She had to act fast. Unfortunately she wasn’t fast enough. The ugly, bumpy, horned demon stood in the center of the circle, not too far from the girl.

Buffy ran towards the group of boys, throwing them this way and that. The rest scattered, leaving only the two girls and the not-so-happy demon. Buffy placed herself between the girl and the monster and told Cassie to leave fast. That didn’t make the demon any happier. It lunged towards Buffy, showing her his long, sharp claws and growling some obscenity at her. She reached behind her back and produced a long sword, preparing for the unavoidable battle ahead.

She lunged, she struck, she ducked, and she kicked; the demon was not wearing down. Suddenly, Buffy noticed out of the corner of her eye that Cassie did not make it out of the room. She was slumped down on the floor, leaning against the wall, her face ashen. That quick look cost her a moment's distraction and the beast took it for granted. It swiftly approached her, swinging its massive arm at her head, knocking her off balance and almost unconscious. She landed hard on the cement floor, trying to shake it off. Her sight kept dimming though as she tried to will herself from passing out.

Out of nowhere, a familiar figure flew through the air landing next to her. Spike was crouching over her, rumbling out a feral growl that she could only guess was being used to ward off the attacker. He was protecting her and she was relieved. Spike slowly slid the sword out from under her as the demon tried to attack from a different angle. Spike was cleverer and swifter. He feinted to the right but swiveled to the left, bringing the sword around with him in an arc, severing the head from the monster. It was a bit before its body followed the head down to the ground. Buffy sat up a little, amazed at what she had witnessed. Spike turned to her, and kneeling down next to her, asked how she was doing.

"I'm better than what I should be, thanks to you. That was…wow. Thank you, Spike."

"Couldn't very well have let him hurt the girl, could I?"

"The girl, Cassie." Buffy got up slowly and made her way over to her. She checked her over and found nothing, then looked over her shoulder at Spike who was standing next to the demon, kicking it with the toe of his shoe. He mumbled a few words to the decapitated form.

"Told you not to hurt the girl, mate."

"Spike," Buffy called. "Please stay here with Cassie. I'm going to get a blanket and I gotta go use the payphone upstairs to call 911. Spike, did you hear me?"

He looked up and shook his head yes as he headed over to them. Spike took Buffy's place next to her and he picked up the girl’s hand. She looked up at him and their eyes connected.

"Don't let her worry about me. I told her I was going to die. Nothing that she could do. Don't let her blame herself, ok?" Spike shook his head yes. She gasped for breath and squeezed his hand tighter.

"One day, she will tell you." Cassie drifted away from the world into a peaceful, forever slumber.

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TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**trust: unquestioning belief in the integrity, strength or ability of a person or thing.

A couple of days passed since the incident in the basement. The cult of students had been punished and released from the school. Buffy knew it would only be a matter of time before another would start up. They always did. She still shouldered the grief from losing the girl who had come to Buffy with her problem. She knew she was dying, but had in her own anonymous way informed Buffy of the cult without really telling her about it.

Buffy understood that Cassie died of natural causes, but the weight of her death still bothered her. Spike had helped a little in the grieving department after he told her Cassie was gone. He waited with her as the ambulance came and went and continued to grace her company as she waited for the coroner. He stood close by as they watched them put the body bag in the back of the vehicle, whispering to her that she wasn't in any pain anymore and she was better off. He then walked out of the room and left her behind.

Now, Buffy sat at her desk, daydreaming, most of her thoughts drifting back to the blonde vampire. She wanted so much to help him, but what could she really do for him? She would talk to Dawn about the dilemma and then she would talk to Spike. Which, really, was total chaos most of the time and she never knew if he understood her when she spoke to him, or if he did, if it was her misunderstanding him and what he was saying. He went way off the scale with his babblings most of the time. She knew there was much more to the rants than she could make out. If she could get him away from the hellmouth long enough, maybe he would start making sense. Maybe.

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The sun would be setting soon, at least within the hour. He liked fall, it was his favorite season. He'd been to New England in the fall, the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. Even at that time, to a vampire who lived in the dark, he was still drawn to the light. He would make his way to a small window that overlooked the rolling hills, and peer out of it as the sun rose, setting off a cornucopia of brightly colored fireworks. He loved nature, and the changing of the leaves was spectacular to him. The trees didn't change much here in sunny California and that made him sad. If only he could take Buffy and the Bit to Maine one fall, just to show them the beauty outside of this hellmouth. He laughed at himself. That would never happen.

"Would it?" He turned away from the wall and spoke to her. She was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed across her chest. She didn't answer.

"I'll always be here, stuck in this basement, listening to them talk on an on about how pathetic I am. Just until it swallows us all up, then I will never see another fall day, never see the beauty, the light."

"Never say never." Buffy finally spoke.

He glanced at her. "Oh, stuff and nonsense. We both know."

"Do you want to be in the light?"

"Yes, yes more than ever, in the light with you. But it will never happen."

"Never say never."

"Stop saying that. You actually believe I can come into the light with you? I can't do it on my own. So are you saying you want to help me?"

Buffy didn't answer. He looked up and she wasn't there. Another figment of his imagination gone wacky.

"I didn't think you would want to help me," he mumbled, feeling the pain of loneliness creep over him again.

"Do you want my help?" Her voice sounded different this time, louder and more solid. His head snapped up in the direction her voice traveled from, a different area of the basement, and she was wearing different clothes, wearing her hair in a different way.

He gasped, "Buffy, is it really you?"

"Um, last time I checked I was really the one and only Buffy. Is that really you?" She pointed at him.

He paused and his mouth drew up in a slight grin. He ducked his head as he shook it. "No, can't say that. Once I get the rest of my mind back, then I'll be the real deal."

She laughed softly, "Can't wait for that grand day. Which is what brings me down here in a way. I want to be all helpy, in anyway I can. Thing is," she looked around the room he had been staying in, "it isn't going to be possible to find that piece of your mind that's lost with you living like this over the hellmouth. I honestly believe whatever is going on underneath, is hurting you. So, if you trust me, I think we should get you out of here. Do you trust me, Spike?"

He looked at her with reserve. "I've always trusted you, Buffy. But I can't go back to the crypt. Too many memories, good and bad. I have nowhere to go."

"Well, that is what I've been doing all afternoon. What do you say about coming to my house and…”

"No, no, no, no." He walked away shaking his head and wringing his hands. "Not going there, can't go there, not worthy enough to be there."

"You know that is a bunch of, what do you call it? Rubbish! I don't mean to stay there indefinitely. Just come home with me, get cleaned up, get something to eat, get some rest and tomorrow we will find someplace for you."

"But, Buffy…"

"No, buts."

"But, Dawn…she's really scary now. What if…"

"I've talked to Dawn about the whole thing…everything, she knows everything. She wants to help, too. Let us help."

Spike shook his head yes.

Buffy smiled, a radiant smile that spread over to Spike who returned it. She felt better, for not only helping but seeing him look a little happier that someone did care about him. She knew it was going to be tough but she was ready to take the challenge.

They started up the walk to 1630 Revello drive when he froze. Buffy turned to see him standing still, looking down at the ground. She walked back over to him.

"Don't give up on me yet. We're about 20 feet from the front door."

He placed his hands behind his back and started swaying. "Why are you doing this for me?"

She sighed. "I want to help. I feel an obligation. I feel very sad seeing you like this and I know this isn't really you. I want to have a fresh start, a clean slate. I want to help in anyway I can, help you get better."

"Are you scared?"

" Horrified. You?

" Terrified. But I've overcome worse scenarios." He looked at her. "I'm ready."

They started walking again towards the door. He crossed the threshold without faltering. Dawn popped up next to them and squeaked out a hi. Spike jumped a little and took a step back. Dawn looked at Buffy quickly then turned her attention back to Spike.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I want to be friends again. Can we be friends again? Cause I've missed you."

Spike relaxed and reached out to run his thumb down the side of her face.

"I've missed my lil' bit. I'm sorry."

Dawn wrapped her arms around him and they hugged tightly. Dawn grimaced and pulled back.

"Not trying to be mean, but…you reek. I love you, but…will you go get a shower and burn those clothes?"

"I would love to get a shower, but…I'm afraid this is all I have."

"Not necessarily. Dawn went to the crypt today after school and picked up most of your stuff. Clem helped out. He asked about you; I think he misses you. I told him you were a bit under the weather and that you would visit later."

"Thanks, both of you."

Dawn tossed him a change of clothes as Buffy led him up the stairs to the bathroom. She went in to prepare it for him but he suddenly stopped in the hallway. She looked up to see him clutching his clothes to him and backing up against the opposite wall, eyes as big as saucers.

"Spike? What’s…" Realization hit her instantly.

He started ranting again. "Bad, bad place. Bad things, bad thing. It hurt the girl, I know it hurt the girl. Couldn't stop it. Wanted to, couldn't. Disgusting, vile, evil thing. I am…"

"Not that thing. It's over, in the past. Clean slate, remember? I'll tell you what, how about you use the shower in the master bedroom? Sound good?"

Spike still looked lost but he silently agreed. Dawn showed up at the top of the stairs to see what was going on. Buffy lead him past Dawn to the room that was now hers. She turned and asked Dawn to warm up some blood, two mugs and have them ready for him. In the bathroom, she pulled clean towels out and turned on the water. As she walked towards the doorway, she noticed he was riveted in the same spot and looking in the opposite direction.

"Are you going to be ok? You know, you actually have to get into the tub to get a shower." She wanted to make the moment lighter.

He looked down at the clothes in his arms and she noticed the tears streaking down his face. She walked back, took the clothes out of his hands and sat them on the sink. She reached up to wipe the wetness from his face, and he cringed.

"You shouldn't have to touch me." He wouldn't look at her.

Buffy grabbed him under the chin and lifted his face up to make eye contact with him.

"But I can and I will. My decision, not yours. Do you need help? I mean, you do remember how to bathe, right?" she laughed softly.

He chuckled. "Yes, I think I can manage."

"Good, and lets have a private burial of those clothes later." She walked back towards the door.

"Buffy?" She turned at the mention of her name. "Thank you. This means… means a lot."

Buffy smiled. "You're very welcome. What are friends for?"

She shut the door behind her and walked back downstairs feeling a bit better about herself. She knew this would be a rough road to travel but they were at least getting somewhere. She knew being on the hellmouth always ensured one of a joyride.

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TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**forgive: to cease to blame or feel resentment about (an offense or offender).

Buffy had joined Dawn in the kitchen and sat at the island while Dawn heated the mugs of butcher's blood in the microwave. To any other person, this would not seem normal to watch, Buffy mused. 'That's what happens when you live in good old Sunnydale, and make nice with the friendly neighborhood vampires,' she giggled slightly. Dawn turned to see what was so funny. Buffy shrugged.

"Just how odd our lives are, but to us how normal. We don't think twice about heating up pig’s blood in the microwave, even knowing how long to set the timer for it so it's just the right temperature, or even the fact there is now a 120 something year old vampire, who used to be the scourge of Europe, taking a shower upstairs."

Dawn chuckled at this situation as well as the microwave beeped at her. Buffy glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Mind you, a rather long shower at that. I'll take that up to him." She intervened before Dawn made it out of the kitchen. "I've seen the "package" before, and I don't think my sister's virgin eyes need to go there." Buffy smiled sweetly at Dawn while she stood there, eyes wide, mouth in an 'oh'. She didn't want to accidentally see the "package" either.

As Buffy stepped onto the top landing, she noticed the shower was no longer running. She walked through her room and stopped outside the bathroom door, raising her hand to knock. That's when she heard the whimpering. She knocked quickly and softly but he didn't answer. Buffy slowly cracked the door open and saw him sitting in the corner, across from the sink. He was wearing his jeans but the shirt still hung over the shower curtain rod. Red, dark red liquid puddled on the floor next to him, and she lifted her eyes slowly, dreading. Blood, so much blood and from him. It ran in crooked lines down his arm from his hand, which was curled into a tight fist. She threw the door open and it banged against the wall. Spike jumped out of his trance, and noticed her standing there, looking frightened.

"I'm sorry. Really. I'll fix it, no need for you to worry. Tomorrow, I'll fix it. So tired right now. Buffy, can I go to sleep now? Just need to rest; want to rest." He was rambling again, out of fear maybe?

"Spike…what happened?" She walked across the bathroom floor towards him, taking in account that something crunched under each footstep she took. She made it to him and knelt down, turning to look at what else was on the floor. Shards of shiny, reflective glass covered the sink and the tile surrounding it. She grabbed the towel he had used and began to wrap it around his injured hand.

"Don't touch the blood, it's tainted. It's all about blood…power, life, keeps you alive. This blood, my blood, it's bad, will consume you, drown you, put out the light. "

Buffy once again grabbed his chin to raise his face to hers.

"Spike, I need you to focus. We are going down to the kitchen and get this cleaned up. Come on, up we go. Good. Watch the glass."

As they walked down the stairs Buffy yelled to Dawn to get the first aid kit out. Dawn obliged, not knowing what in the world she needed it for. Her question was answered when Buffy and Spike strolled into the kitchen, the once white towel she held over Spike's hand stained with crimson. Buffy sat him down on the stool, removed the towel and prepared to play doctor. Silence filled the air before she noticed Spike's eyes were back to normal.

"Are you back with us now?" She asked him sincerely.

He turned to her and croaked out an affirmation.

"Good. Can you tell me what happened?" She sort of knew the jist of what had taken place, with the remains of the vanity mirror scattered all over the sink. He was quiet for a moment.

"I didn't like the look of myself." Buffy hesitated with the bandaging and looked at him thoughtfully. He caught the gesture and sighed heavily.

"I mean, I didn't like what I couldn't see. There was nothing there, yet I feel solid, feel real, feel pain, loneliness, fear, love…" The last word drifted off. "Why can't I see? I see all of them, the ones, those I took away from their loved ones, those I hurt. I see them churning about in my head, haunting me in my dreams, in my thoughts. I keep telling them I’m sorry. Sorry for snatching them away from their normal, everyday lives and leaving them desiccated, leaving them for the blackbirds to finish off. Sorry," he chuckled. “That’s a Drusillaism…sorry. Isn't that a funny word? What's another word? Apologize?...Seems like such a harsh word. Forgive, so weak, shouldn't be allowed. Can't ask for forgiveness. Doesn't seem right. Shouldn't ask for it, should be given. But who would want to forgive me?" He paused again like he was expecting someone to answer. He looked up at her through his lashes.

"Buffy…I'm sorry. So very sorry for everything I…it…I've done. Sorry for hurting you that night. I'd do anything to take it all back, anything for you, to take all the pain and suffering from you."

Buffy looked at him softly. "Someone I love dearly once told me, 'Forgiveness is an act of compassion'. I'm trying to desperately live by that rule everyday now. Spike, you are forgiven. I forgive you, it's in the past."

Dawn piped in. "I forgive you, too." Spike smiled at his bit.

Buffy continued. "You need to forgive yourself so you can heal. Will you?"

"I will try, there's a lot there to forgive. Over 100 years laid out here before me."

"But it's a start. While we're on the subject…I'm sorry. Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

Spike scoffed. "Why would you need to be forgiven by me? Buffy, you've done nothing wrong."

She shook her head sadly. "Everything was wrong between you and me. You were becoming a friend, someone I trusted, someone who listened, so giving for a soulless demon. I was selfish, wanted more, wanted to feel alive again, wanted to know why I only felt safe and happy being around you while you listened to all my boohooing about life. I used you and tossed you aside. Friends don't do that. I gave you what you wanted, knowing that just my body was not enough to satisfy you. You wanted all of me. But I was uncaring. I needed you to make me feel alive and I believe…you needed me for you to feel the same, but you wanted to feel love and I wasn't prepared for that. That balance. We both needed it to live, the dark in you and the light in me. I still need it and you still need it more now than ever. We can balance each other and help one another. You're not beneath me, your not worthless and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise again. I want things to be different between you and me. I want to make a difference. Just tell me, I need to know…am I forgiven?"

Spike seemed astonished, but he answered her. "Yes, you are."

Buffy was relieved to have that out of the way and she smiled at him. She was happy their friendship had been renewed. What they had when she came back to earth so long ago was actually nice and she was so ready to start where they had left off, before the kissing and the "shagging" had commenced.

She walked around the corner of the kitchen island and delicately wrapped her arms around the vampire who was more man than demon. She felt they were both heading out on the right path now. Spike hesitated at first, taken aback by this show of emotion from her, his Buffy. He lovingly wrapped his arms around her and held her while silent sobs wracked his body. Buffy tried her best to soothe him, while she shushed him softly and ran her hand gently over his soft curls.

Dawn had began crying as well and wanted to add her bit of comforting. She joined in the hug, rubbing both Buffy's and Spike's backs. They stayed in that position for quite a while, at least until his sobbing had stopped. He felt ridiculous, crying like a nancy boy in front of his girls, but their looks told him it made no difference to them. They were there to help just like they promised him. He would take them up on their promise, at least until he was strong enough to leave the nest on his own. He knew though that they would always be there for one another from now on.

TBC

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**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**comfort: to soothe or console

Willow had come home while Buffy was making up the couch as a makeshift bed. She stood and watched her not wanting to interrupt. When Buffy pulled the drapes tightly closed, Willow figured out who she was making the couch up for.

"Where is he?" she asked, startling Buffy out of her deep reverie.

"Oh, Willow. I didn't hear you come in. Where? Who?"

Willow smiled and lowered her gaze. "Spike, you know that vampire we all love to hate."

"Oh, he's…he's in the kitchen with Dawn. Having some one-on-one catching up and drinking hot cocoa. Actually she's doing a bit of diversion. Keeping the delirious vampire sane and focused."

"Do you trust him in there with her?

Buffy straightened up and looked at Willow with disdain.

"Yes, I do. I don't know why but I just do."

"Good, I just wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. How is he? He was totally off his rocker when I saw him last in the school basement. Do you know what’s wrong with him?"

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Yes, I do. You went to see him in the basement? When?"

"Right after I found the skinned body. He kept talking like there was someone else in the room, something about glowing or whatever."

"Huh, you were there the same time Xander and I were there. Now it makes sense. Maybe he's not as insane as I thought. He could see you when we couldn't. He was talking to me about glowing."

"Oh, wow. So why he is acting this way?"

"He went out and got himself a soul."

"No way! He decided to get one? Why?"

"Well…he said…for me." Buffy's voice drifted off. Willow stood and stared at Buffy, flabbergasted.

"Buffy, that's unreal. Is it because of what happened last spring? In the bathroom?"

"How do…Do you know what happened?"

"Not really, but I had a feeling something not so nice went down between you two. Am I right?"

"Yeah, it did. He…attacked me. Thought he could make me feel love for him. He lost all grasp of reality, I think. I threw him off of me. Willow…I was so scared and angry at him. I didn't even give him a chance to say anything. He ran off and I guess left town shortly after that. Next time I saw him was on Dawn's first day back to school, when I had to go down to the basement to fight the…whatever they were called. I found out a week later that he had a soul. He told me…he said he got it for me…so he could give me what I deserve. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle what he had done. I mean come on, a soul. That's a big deal. He's been helping us though. And I think whatever evil is lurking around the hellmouth is making him worse. I just couldn't stand to see him in such pain anymore. I think…I know he was hurting himself. He needs help, he needs guidance. I feel like I should do this. Wanna help?

"Do you think I'm worthy enough to help? I mean, come on Buffy, I'm struggling with my own redemption at the moment."

"Yes, but you are at least on the right path. Maybe that will be good for him to see. Maybe just talk to him. Let him know that you understand."

"Ok, I think I can do that. Hopefully I won't turn him in the opposite direction. Good night Buffy, I'll see you in the morning. Love you"

"G'night Willow. I love you, too."

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Dawn poured out a bunch of miniature marshmallows on the countertop between the two of them. Spike looked up at her giving her a sincere smile.

"So, does it hurt?" she asked earnestly.

He cocked his head slightly, then looked down into his mug of cocoa again. "Every minute of everyday."

"I'm sorry…sorry that it hurts so much. "

"Don't be, bit. I deserve it."

"Maybe, maybe not. Do you want to get better, to be good, do good?"

"Do you think I could?"

"I think you can do anything if you really want to."

"Then just maybe I could." He smiled at her again.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Not too long after Buffy had crawled into bed that night and just when she started drifting off, her bedroom door creaked slightly. Her eyes shot open and she listened more intently. A click. Her door had been opened and closed and now she felt that familiar tickle in her lower belly. She sat up quickly in bed. She couldn't see him even though she knew he was there.

"Spike, don't do this to me. What is it?"

"Buffy." His voice sounded so distressed. "Sorry." A pause.

"Buffy, can I just sit right here tonight? I won't bother you and I'll stay right here."

"What's wrong, Spike? What happened?"

"They're looking for me. It's cause I'm alone, I know. They prey on my fears."

"No one is going to bother you here, Spike. You're safe here, with us."

"But they creep into my mind. Please help me. If I'm really quiet they won't find me. Help me to be quiet?" His voice trembled and she realized he was actually afraid; he had started crying again.

She got out of bed and made her way over to where he leaned up against the door. Kneeling down next to him, she reached out and pulled his head over to her shoulder. It took a bit, but he finally relaxed and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. She stroked his hair gently and rocked, shushing him until he calmed himself enough to stop the crying. He pulled away from her slowly and lowered his gaze once again feeling like a blubbering nitwit. One day, he thought, I won't have to cry in front of her.

Buffy stood and walked back to her bed. She grabbed a pillow and the extra blanket that lay at the foot of her bed. She tossed them onto the floor next to her. He just stared; she stared back.

"I'd rather you lay down and get some sleep than to have you sitting there up against my door all night. Spike, come over here and sleep. We'll talk some more in the morning and figure out where to go from here. I mean, a place for you to live."

Spike crawled over on his hands and knees to the pillow and blanket. Buffy giggled softly at watching him do this. She pulled the covers back up the same time Spike laid down. He turned his head and looked at her.

"I think I'm going to be telling you thank you a lot in the days ahead. If I don't ever say thank you, just know that I do. Good night, Buffy."

"Good night, Spike."

TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**guidance: the act or function of leading or showing the way to

The following morning was a Saturday. Buffy had left Spike on the floor in her bedroom after waking and quietly she slipped out to go downstairs. She paced the living room floor, chewing on her nails, trying to rearrange the words in her head for when she found the courage to call Xander.

Buffy had remained awake for a while after Spike had crept into her room, watching him, her mind reeling with thoughts. She decided Spike could not stay with her. She wanted to help but felt him "shacking up" in her home would not help him in the long run. If he were to live somewhere else, preferably a cleaner, less evil place, she could…what could she do? Take care of him? Watch over him? Help him become sane again? Was he sane in the first place? She laughed out loud at the last thought. He may have been a crazy, quasi-evil pain in the ass before the chip, but she never thought of him as being insane. She knew Drusilla, and knew that was definitely insanity.

Not too long ago, when he had shown up at her house to offer his help with the worm demon, he had mentioned he was not there to atone. Of course that was for another thing but could it have been for everything? Was it her right, her business to help him? She knew most of his pain and suffering were because of her, what she did to him, said to him and what he had finished. So she wondered now if she should just take the initiative and lead him out again, start him down this path. She had led him out of the basement. Would he follow her again? Was he a willing candidate for redemption? Giles had once told her “There are two types of monster. The first can be redeemed or more importantly wants to be redeemed. The second is void of humanity, cannot respond to reason or love.” Apparently Spike seemed to fit the first type just because he appeared to have a lot of humanity in love inside of him still. Yet, her questions about redemption would be left unanswered, at least until she thought him sane enough to ask him.

She picked up the handset and quickly dialed Xander's number. She was ready to hang up after two rings but of course he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Xander. Sorry to call so early."

"S'ok. What's up?"

"Well, I kinda have a favor to ask. It's sort of a request and you would be helping me out tremendously if…"

"Buffy, just ask already!"

"WillyouletSpikemoveintothespareroomofyourapartment?" She blurted it out so fast, there was silence on the other end.

"The what…with the who? Did you just ask me…” Xander began to laugh.

Buffy joined in with the laughing. "Yeah, I did. Will you?"

"Buffy, you gotta be kidding? Why me? I mean, you know how I feel about him."

"Xander, he's changed. He needs help, my help, our help. He's…Xander, Spike has a soul. And I don't want to get into it right now but that's why I'm asking. I know you have the spare room and you're both guys and you would hardly see each other and I will be over to take care of him. So?"

"A soul? Oh, boy, Angel all over again. Buffy, I just don't think…"

"He's nothing like Angel but hey, that's ok Xander. He can just stay here in the basement; I mean he crashed her last night. Of course he came up to my room later and…"

"Ok, ok, he can move in tonight. But there are rules he will have to follow."

"I'm sure he will follow the rules. And promise me, there will be no staking or abuse."

"I can't promise, Buffy."

"Xander?!?"

"Alright, geesh. I promise; no dusting or beating of said vampire. What time do you think you will show up?"

"Sundown, of course. And he doesn't have much. Do you have a spare bed?"

"The room is already furnished, even with a small TV which I'm sure he will enjoy. I guess that's good. He'll want to stay in the room all the time then."

"Thank you so much, Xander. This means so much, and like I said, I will be by to check on him regularly. See ya tonight."

"Good bye," Xander whined.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Spike stepped into the kitchen around noon, just as Buffy and Dawn were sitting down to eat their lunches.

"Good morning, or afternoon. Feeling any better?"

Spike ran his hands through his hair. He hated the curls and was sure they were popping out all over the place. Always did after sleeping. Buffy noticed he was grooming, which brought a smile to her lips.

"Better, thanks. Slept without any added entertainment, first time in months. Guess it was the company. Slayer protecting me and all." He smiled gently in her direction.

"If you're hungry, we got blood in the fridge and you can help yourself. I'm sure you're capable of doing some things, right? I need to talk to you anyway."

Dawn pulled a seat out for him as he sat down, looking a bit bewildered. Buffy didn't want to scare him or cause him to panic. She had to find the right way to explain why he needed to move out.

"Well, I truly believe you are doing much better being out of the school basement. Don’t you think so?"

Spike shook his head yes.

"Good. Please hear me out. I asked Xander if you could move in with him. He has a spare room in his apartment and it's already furnished even with a TV. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Nice. You don't want me around; don't want me near you and Dawn. I understand. Buffy, I can just go back to the school. That was my home. I was fine…"

"No, you were not fine there. And it's not that I don't want you around. I just feel you will heal better not being around me all the time. I don't want you to think that. I thought we were past all of this, you know, with all of the explaining and forgiving. We need to move forward, not live in the past. You will be living in a real place, with your own room, your own stuff. You don't need to live underground anymore. Spike, I want to help you. Please, I think this is the right thing for you. At least try it out. Xander is willing to do this, why can't you?"

"So, Xander and I, roomies? Are you so sure he won't stake me at the first opportunity he gets?"

"I'm sure. He promised no staking, no beatings of the poor defenseless vampire. But you gotta promise to behave as well, even with the verbal abuse."

"I guess I could abstain from hurting him. Like I could anyway."

"And I will come by to visit. And Dawn, too. You can call me anytime you need anything or just need to talk. And you can come over here, too. Just not at strange hours of the night." She smiled at him.

Spike cocked his head and looked at her. "Alright, I'll do it. If you think it will help me get better. If you think I can actually make it through all this."

"Spike, I think you are able to do anything you set your mind to. I believe in you. I believe you can do good things, can help others. You are strong in mind and body. You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to do. If you feel like you're going to fall, you have us here. We'll always be here for you. I'll be here."

Spike looked down for a moment. Slowly his gaze wandered to her. "You really are a guidance counselor, aren't you? I can see why the school hired you. You will be a wonderful counselor, Buffy…Well, when am I moving?"

"Sundown, tonight? That ok with you? Do you need us to get anything else at the crypt?"

"S'ok. There might be a few things, but I can get them. That way I can see Clem and tell him he can have the crypt now."

"Sounds like a step in the right direction."

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Xander opened up the door to his apartment to find three smiling faces from three of his favorite people and one sullen looking, soul having vampire. Everyone had something in their arms. Xander stepped back to allow them entrance to his humble abode, trying to smile sincerely back at them. The girls bounced in but Spike remained in the hallway. Xander almost shut the door in his face before Buffy cleared her throat and nodded her head towards the open door. Xander turned and rolling his eyes, announced an invitation.

"Come on in, Spike. I have a feeling I'm going to regret saying those words," he mumbled the last bit.

Buffy wasn't sure he would come in, but he stepped across the threshold where once there was a barrier keeping him out. Xander led all of them to Spike's new room. It was small, but had all the conveniences of a comfy living area. He looked around, walked to the dresser, and emptied the paper bag of its contents into the drawer. He turned back to them, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"It'll do. Oh look, my very own telly."

Buffy laughed. "See, I told you. Gonna be fine?"

"Fine, yeah. I'll adjust."

"It's a good start in the right direction." Buffy smiled again.

"A good start to self-improvement." Dawn added.

"To self-healing and redemption, I should know." Willow sounded positive.

"And to male bonding…with an unliving, 120 something year old, ex-blood-sucking-former-big-bad, who now broods like the great Dead Boy himself."

Spike glared at Xander. "I don't brood."

Xander waved him off and walked out of the room. "Yeah right, I believe you."

The girls started to laugh. Spike huffed as they filed out after him.

"I don't brood," he yelled out to them. Pause. "Bugger it all."

TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**give: to present voluntarily

A month had passed and surprisingly the men living in Harris' apartment were still alive and well, no broken bones, no open wounds, gashes or bruises found on either one of them. Happily, Spike had joined the land of the sane, his inner turmoil lessened to a comfortable level.

Xander still teased him daily about brooding, which helped him kick the habit quickly and every once in a while had a good comeback for the whelp. Xander would never admit he did it on purpose just so Spike would become somewhat more human and likeable and neither one of them would admit they had bonded as much as a human and a vampire could over the past month. Each of them could tolerate the other without maiming, mayhem or murder coming into play.

Buffy visited regularly like she had promised. Spike got to see Dawn as well which always made him happy. Willow would come for visits and she always told Xander it was to see him so he wouldn't feel hurt and dejected, but she spent time with Spike as well. They built a strong friendship too, helping each other overcome past wrongs and evil-doings. Spike, for the first in a long time, felt he belonged somewhere. Everyone was treating him nicely, and he was very afraid. He was scared of letting them down; afraid he would slip up, give up and let his demon take over. That was the easy way out and he was too strong to ever let that happen. But he still had to remind himself day in and day out of how much he would lose if he gave up to go evil…and it worked.

Dawn and Willow both encouraged him to start pursuing Buffy again. They secretly told him how much Buffy raved about his accomplishments, and she seemed happier. She smiled whenever she talked about him. However, with Spike knowing this, it turned him into a total spineless wuss. Unfortunately, William's basic nature took over his whole body whenever Buffy was around. He would act shy and reserved, not wanting to push it too far. To top it all off, he began to stutter whenever he needed to respond to any of her questions. When he did finally talk, usually he said something ignorant and meaningless, in which case he would end up rolling his eyes and mentally kicking himself. Xander picked up on all of it. Buffy was stupefied, didn't really know what had come over him. She just presumed it was the soul.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

"Harris," Spike yelled from the dining room. "It's only a measly 10 feet from the table to the kitchen sink. Do you think you can use your two hands and two feet to carry your dirty dishes into the kitchen and place them in the sink?"

Xander had snuck in behind Spike as he was yelling, just about to place the dirty dishes in said sink. "You don't have to yell."

The dishes were dropped in as Spike hunched his shoulders over and grabbed the edge of the counter, seething. "Bloody hell!"

Xander slapped him on the back. "Losing your delicate vampire senses, old man?"

"Only when you're around, you twit. Been around you too much, you make me lose all sense of everything."

Xander chuckled. "Hey, grab a couple of brewskies, I'll grab some munchies. Football's on in 10."

The fellas planned on spending Sunday afternoon watching the big game. Xander thought it was a good way to talk to Spike about relationships and Buffy. At least he and Anya were on a better conversational place; Spike was a babbling, bumbling idiot anytime Buffy was in close proximity.

"So, what's going on with you and the Buffster?"

Spike turned his head slowly to stare at Xander. "What do you mean? There's nothing…"

"Yeah, I know. I mean, I thought you were in love with her at one time. What happened?"

"I do…I mean I am…bloody hell, it's none of your business, Harris."

"I know that, but it just seems that if you are interested in her you would be trying to do more than duck and look away, or stumble over your words whenever she talks to you. Kinda pathetic act. I mean never would have pegged you to be the shy one what with all you've done in the past and how long you've been around. You would think you've had plenty of experience with women, at least over a hundred or more years of it."

"Actually, no, not really. Before I was turned I never was with anyone. Can't believe I'm telling you this. I was with Dru for over 100 years. Harmony was just a bint I could barely tolerate, just a quick fix, if you know what I mean. And then there was Buffy. Believe me I would never go into detail about what we had especially with you. Don't want to go there again."

"Please, don't. Don't want to know a thing. But I do know your feelings for her are real. I can see it now. I see how you treat her. But you're not going to get anywhere with her if you don't start acting like a man. Or well, a, well whatever."

"Hello, is this Xander Harris talking about me and Buffy in the same breath? And, yeah, you have room to talk. What about your manliness? Where's your girl? Do you and Anya ever do anything besides just talk? Have you tried asking her out?"

"Well, no. I'm giving it some time. The wounds between us need to heal some more, I think."

"Uh, about that. I don't think I ever told you…never said I…sorry 'bout the situation with Anya."

Xander looked befuddled. "The whata'?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Anya and I…Magic Box…the drunken shagging?"

"Oh!"

"Yeah, um, sorry. It was a mistake. Something I wish I could take back."

"Thanks. I accept your apology."

Spike nodded in response and silence filled the air between them.

"I'll ask Anya out if you ask Buffy out." Xander stated matter of factly. "And if either one of us bails and chickens out, then that person has to do all of the chores for two weeks."

"Shuh, I do them anyway. Wouldn't matter much."

"Aw, come on. You…coward."

"What? Did you just…no, you just didn't call me…"

"COWARD. Yeller, lily-livered, fraidy-cat. 'Poor lil' Spikey, all timid and shy, can't ask Buffy out, don't know why'." Xander started singing sarcastically. Of course he didn't see Spike swiftly light upon him, knocking him about with the throw pillow from the couch. Xander cowered and screamed like a girl. A loud knock came from the front door and Spike threw the pillow at him.

"Ass." He walked to the door, listening to Xander laughing hysterically from his chair. Opening the door revealed a confused Buffy and Dawn standing in the hallway.

"Buffy, bit. Um, come on in." Spike stepped back to let them in.

"I thought maybe someone was being murdered in here. Thought I was going to have to break the door down and come to somebody's rescue."

"Nah, just Xander, being a daft clot. Though, hmm, murder ranks high…" Spike smiled coyly at the girls, causing Dawn to giggle. She walked up to him and gave him a friendly hug.

Buffy and Spike sat on the couch while Dawn shared Xander's chair arm. After a bit, Dawn elbowed Xander and motioned towards the kitchen.

"Hey Dawnie, wanna help me make some sandwiches? Buffy, Spike, want a sandwich?" They both answered sure.

The silence was deafening. Spike knew it was now or never. He turned and looked at the radiant beauty sitting on the other side of the couch. She noticed and looked back. He smiled and started to wimp out but just at the last moment…

"Buffy, mind if I tag along with you on patrol tonight? Just you and me, like old times?"

She couldn't spit out an answer, just shook her head slowly up and down.

He continued. "Maybe then…afterwards, we could…would you like to go to the Bronze, maybe get a bite…uh, something to eat…afterwards?"

"Are you…are you asking me out…on a date?"

He denied it. "No, no, not a date." He looked back at her. "Do you want me to?" He held his breath, even though he didn't need to breathe.

A glowing smile slowly crept onto her face. "I would like that. What time do you want to meet for patrol?"

Spike was having a hard time speaking at the moment. She had to call out his name. He shook the shock away before speaking again.

"Um, well I can come over to your place about 8? We can head out from there if that's alright with you?"

"Sounds like a date." Now Buffy was sounding shy.

Neither one of them knew that Dawn was standing by the kitchen doorway listening to every bit of their conversation. She had turned and grabbed Xander's shirt and started jumping up and down, silently screaming her happiness that her two favorite people were coming together. Xander just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Spike showed up at Buffy's at 8 o'clock, right on the dot. Buffy met him out on the porch, looking like she was dressed to go out somewhere nice instead of just going out to dust some vamps and later the Bronze. She had her weapon bag strapped to her back, her hair and face all done up. Spike was speechless at first while they stared at each other briefly. She noticed he had dressed up nicely, too. He was wearing tan cargos and a royal blue shirt. 'Interesting', she thought to herself.

Not much was said along the way. Buffy did most of the talking and it was mostly about Dawn and work. When they reached the cemetery, she pulled the bag off and opened it.

"I have something to give to you." She reached into it and pulled out a very worn, very old black leather duster.

"My coat! Wasn't sure where I had left it. You're telling me you've kept this thing this whole time?"

"Yeah, kept it for you in case you ever came back."

"Brings back a lot of memories. A lot of bad memories, of course. And the way I got it, I just don't…"

"Know if you need it anymore?" Buffy finished his sentence.

"Yeah, I guess that's what it is." He looked at it forlornly.

Suddenly, they were ambushed from all sides. Five pesky vamps decided to surprise attack. Spike dropped the jacket onto the ground and started pummeling the idiots who were interrupting a moment. Didn't take long to finish them off though and Spike and Buffy finished their patrol, with him just carrying the duster over his arm.

"Ready to go Bronzing?" she asked breaking the deafening silence.

"Ready whenever you are."

As they walked through the back alleyway, Spike stopped next to the dumpster. Buffy turned when she noticed he wasn't beside her anymore. She watched as he lifted the lid and tossed the coat inside. He walked towards her, looking proud and confident. She slid her hand into his, surprising him for a second, but he squeezed it in return and held on tight.

TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**honor: high public esteem

Spike had never actually been on a date before, so he wasn't sure what Buffy was expecting. Xander tried his best at giving advice before he left by telling him to "just be yourself, or maybe not, or just…don't do anything stupid". Now he understood why Xander didn't go out much.

He found a table, and offered to get something from the bar, sustenance and beverages. On his way to the table, though, he spied two college aged guys hovering and leaning near Buffy. He knew what they were up to, trying to steal his girl. Was Buffy actually his girl? And why was she tolerating their intrusiveness? He felt the growl begin low, in the deep recesses of his gut, an inaudible rumble to human ears. It slowly started to rise up to his chest though, the closer he got to the table and the vultures that were surrounding his Buffy.

'Pull it together, play it cool, Spike', he told himself.

When Buffy saw him, she seemed overly excited. She even called him by his real name.

"William, there you are. These guys didn't believe I was here with my date. Look guys, my date."

"Yes, I'm back, Buffy's date, ready to sit down and…have my date with…Buffy. So, see ya later, fellas."

"Maybe we can catch you out on the dance floor later," the tall, husky boy announced.

"Yeah, it doesn't look like William here is much of a dancer. Catch ya later, babe," the other guy added with a wink.

Buffy closed her eyes and let her head fall forward. She glanced up at Spike when she noticed he was growling. He was watching the two guys walk away, like a predator stalking its prey. She placed her hand on his arm.

"Down, boy. They're gone, they won't be bothering me anymore, so don't let them bother you."

Spike met her gaze, giving her a sweet smile.

"Sorry it took so long with the food."

"I thought maybe you chickened out on me and stood me up."

"Never, I would never do that. Thought about it…but would never do it." The both of them started laughing. 'This is a good start so why do I feel like such a ponce?' he berated himself. Buffy leaned in closer to him as they sat and ate which made another type of rumbling began, a purr of deep happiness and satisfaction.

As the evening wore on, the couple seemed to relax enough to enjoy their time together, just sitting and talking. Spike knew Buffy really wanted to dance by the way she watched the other couples out on the dance floor and every once in a while spying her moving slightly with the music. He wasn't about to go there; he wasn't going to make a complete idiot of himself. She yawned and caught herself doing it.

"Sorry, that wasn't because of you. Just sleepy," she explained honestly.

"Ready to go then, luv? Get you back home and tucked in. I forgot you have to get up and go to work tomorrow."

"Yeah, maybe we should go."

As they stood to go, a slow song began to play, the first one of the evening actually. She stopped and turned to watch the sheer intimacy of the couples dancing close to one another. Spike observed this and decided a slow song wouldn't make him look like too much of a pouf. He laid her jacket back down on the stool, and slid his hand into hers.

"Come on, luv. You deserve to have a dance." He gently pulled her along with him out onto the floor.

They stood facing one another, not quite sure where to place their hands. She finally slid her arms around his neck, prompting him to wrap his arms around her small waist and gently swayed to the music, their tense bodies finally relaxing and coming together. They had been this close before, why was it so hard now to touch? He realized this was actually the first time they ever danced together, as in dancing to music, so yes, this was totally different…but pleasantly nice.

They walked home in silence, Buffy holding onto Spike's hand the whole way to Revello Drive. He followed her up the steps to the front door stopping before he reached the top. She noticed he did not follow her to the door and turned to ask him if he was coming in. He shook his head no.

"I better get back, let you get some sleep. Buffy…"

"I had a nice time tonight," she interrupted him. "Sorry, I just wanted you to know, it was fun. I had fun. Maybe next time…"

"So, there will be a next time?"

"Of course, don't you want to go out together again?"

"Always." he softly replied.

Buffy leaned towards him, but Spike slipped his hand into hers, dragging it up to his mouth and placing a tender kiss on the back of it. As quick as lightning, she slid her free hand behind his neck, pulling his mouth to meet hers and kissing him deeply. When she pulled back from the kiss, she sighed and when she opened her eyes, she wanted to giggle. He looked shocked, even a bit flushed if at all possible and he was panting. It had been a while since they shared a kiss and they were never like that before. This one had more meaning, more tenderness, more feeling because it was a fresh start, a new beginning, a first kiss.

"Goodnight, Buffy. I'll see you later?"

"Definitely, goodnight.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

A few weeks later, everything seemed to be moving forward at a slow and steady rate. Rarely did an evening go by without any snuggling, or smoochies involved. They both decided that slow was better, so progressing to the next stage of a relationship was placed on hold.

They continued to patrol together on a regular basis. One particular night on patrol, the duo was hit pretty hard. Not only did the normal, run of the mill vampire show up, but three super big, super strong, and super ugly demons decided to try their best to intervene on a somewhat possible peaceful patrol. Unfortunately, along with the massiveness of the three, came their cocky attitude. Buffy assumed they must have been males; the testosterone hung heavy around them. They taunted the vampire, calling him names, threatening to take his girlfriend away from him and leaving him a bloody pulp on the ground. His manliness was being questioned.

"You boys better be careful, you don't know who you're dealing with. He's the big bad, William the Bloody, the scourge of Europe, slayer of slayers." Buffy was making sure who they were goading, almost sounding proud of the company she was keeping.

"Aren't you the slayer, little girl?

"I wormed my way onto his good side. What can I say, I'm tolerable and lovable."

A fierce battle ensued. Spike took the three on by himself. He wouldn't let Buffy help at all. They called him out, by God he was going to finish what they started. One of the demons escaped the wrath of Spike and headed in her direction. Buffy kneed it in the groin, causing it to fall in a heap on the ground, writhing in pain. Spike glared at her and she just shrugged her shoulders at him.

"What was I to do? He wanted to play."

Spike finished the other two off with a twist here and a snap there, breaking both of the demons' necks. The remaining demon slowly pulled himself up off the ground and stared at the couple. He began to beg for his life, adding that he would never hurt another human ever again. Buffy stepped towards the demon.

"Just remember to never tease Spike again or his slayer. Understood?"

"Yeah, yeah." He took off running with his tail between his legs which was, now that she looked at it, disgusting.

"Spike or his slayer, huh?" Spike asked with amusement.

"Well, I wanted you to have the honor of the battle. I was just a spectator of the sport, well except for a little groinage action, buy hey, that was his fault. He was too chicken to mess with the likes of you and tried to hurt the poor, defenseless little girl."

Spike began to laugh and Buffy joined him.

"Defenseless my ass…Thanks, that was bloody great. I was a bloody animal," he yelled to no one in particular, thumping his chest like a mighty beast of the jungle.

"Oh, geesh, let's get you home before your head explodes, Tarzan."

"If me Tarzan, then you Jane." And he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder as she screamed, kicked and giggled while realizing she was having the most fun on a patrol that she had ever experienced.

TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**acceptance: the act of approving and receiving or state of being worthy of.

Ahh, spring was in the air. Xander and Anya were dating again and Spike and Buffy were growing closer everyday. Everyone seemed to have a potential other half, including Willow, who had a new girlfriend, Megan and Dawn, who had started dating a boy who had just recently moved to Sunnydale.

At first, Buffy thought he was an odd duck. She felt a weird vibe flowing from him; a very intense, deep and sensitive boy. When he witnessed the gang slaying vampires, he was cool about it all. In fact he got in a staking himself after having to struggle with a vampire that had decided to attack him. Buffy noticed RJ was stronger than any normal human, and felt a wave of panic. He didn't seem like an ordinary human to her.

Buffy wanted to talk to Dawn about the situation, but how to bring it up delicately without Dawn flying off the handle. He seemed to be a nice kid, but she did not want to see her sister getting hurt again. She knew he wasn't a vampire, possibly not even a demon. She decided she was going to confront him. Now to figure out how to do it.

She walked briskly upon seeing RJ standing in the court yard. The bell rang summoning the return to classrooms for last period. Buffy gently grasped his arm before he walked away.

"Miss Summers, I didn't see you there. Man you're quick. Cool." he smiled sincerely at her.

"Yes, I am. Not only physically but sometimes mentally as well especially when it comes to picking out the bad guys. You're not a bad guy, are you RJ?"

"Bad? Only at math. And occasionally some team related sports. I hate playing for competition…" Buffy gave him a strange look. "Oh you mean bad, as in evil, right? Do you think I'm a bad person, Miss Summers? Cause I'm not. I know you're concerned about Dawn, that's why you’re asking, right?"

"I know, RJ, that you’re a good kid. But I know there is something different about you and that is why I'm talking to you right now. I want you to tell me what you are or I will have to find out in my own way."

The silence was deafening. They stared at each other for what seemed like and eternity before his gaze faltered and he looked at his feet.

"Very well. I will tell you. I am not an evil person, Miss Summers. I will never do anything to hurt Dawn, ever. I like her…alot. I know what you are, the slayer, and where I'm from we hold you in high reverence. We are only here to help you in your crusade."

"We? And where exactly are you from, RJ?"

He sighed. "I'm an avatar, uh…a sonic if you will. Mind you the lowest level. I come from a higher plane.

"Oh…so you’re not human?"

"No, I am, just more than merely human. Sort of like you with the supernatural. I have to be to live on this realm. We are sent here to bring balance between the dimensions. I am honored to be able to help in your fight. I hope you will still allow me to do so."

"What are your intentions towards Dawnie, RJ?"

"Miss Summers, Dawn is a great girl. She befriended me when no one else would. I really, really like her, I may even…"

"Ok, I think I've heard enough. And yes, you may still help. But just a warning, I don't fully trust you yet, nothing against you but…"

""I understand, no problem. I will do my best to help you trust me. Honest I will. One question. Do you trust the vampire?"

"I'm getting there more and more each day. But he doesn't know that I don't fully trust him yet. Some wounds are still healing between us."

"I understand. I sense in him a strong need to be good, but he still fears the demon within him. The soul he has is a restraint that holds it in place. He's afraid of disappointing those he loves and holds dear."

"I feel that, too. Do you mind if I look up more information on your people?"

"No, not at all. I think you would understand me better by reading than by me telling." He laughed at this remark.

"Do me a favor," Buffy continued. "You really need to tell Dawn, somehow and someway. Not this instant, but sometime soon. She doesn't need secrets kept from her when it deals with someone she cares about. Believe me, been in that position before. She doesn't deal well when you keep things from her."

"I will, I promise."

"Here, let me write you a pass to get into class. Thank you for your honesty, RJ. See you later."

"Later, Miss Summers."

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Megan O'Rielly was not unlike Tara MaClay. She was a sweet and endearing girl who shied away from everybody introduced to her. Once you got to know her though, she let the bashful guard down. Not surprising that Willow and she hit it off quickly.

Meg was a practicing druidess, and she loved helping others. She knew about the demons and vampires stalking Sunnydale and was overly excited to meet the Slayer. Buffy, Dawn and Xander liked her instantly and it wasn't long before she officially became a Scooby.

At first she was afraid of Spike knowing what he was, but the fear melted away when they began a discussion on Ireland, her home land, in which Spike, or actually William, as a boy had visited quite a few times. Surprisingly, they shared a love for poetry and classical music among other things, something he would never discuss with any of the Scooby gang. Deep down, she felt sorry for him. She sensed his fears and frustrations and wanted to help him in any way she could. She talked to Willow about him and Willow gained a new respect for the vampire for allowing himself to open up and become a friend to Meg.

RJ, too, was deemed a member officially one evening after a busy patrol. The gang decided to celebrate that night with pizza and movies. Spike, though he never showed it, took the news of the new members quite hard. He thought it childish of himself, but he felt very left out and very unloved. Undeniably, both Megan and RJ felt his pain that night. They very much wanted to fix the broken vampire.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Word was out that an infamous vampiress was back in town. Buffy was worried that Spike was not going to deal with her arrival very well. The last time Drusilla came back, she used her womanly wiles to win him over, even if it was momentarily til he turned on Dru and promised Buffy he would stake his ex-lover if Buffy would admit having feelings for him.

What would Dru do now, especially if she knew about his soul? She had her ways of knowing such things, the cherubs burning, the flowers speaking to the moon. Would she suck him back into her evil world, promising to show him the beauty of the darkness, or was she there to stake him good and proper? Buffy fumed, that was her job, and no one or nothing was going to take that from her. Actually that was Buffy's way of saying that she would protect him from certain unnecessary dusting. The pull back into the dark she wasn't sure she could accomplish saving him from. Drusilla was his first love. He may not feel the same about her now, but that first love always stays with you.

Spike eventually discovered Dru was back, too. He vowed to himself that he would get to her before Buffy did; he didn't want the slayer to feel obligated to dust Drusilla. Spike planned on giving Dru a choice; either leave Sunnydale for good, without him and never to return or he would have to say goodbye with a stake.

Unfortunately, Drusilla had her own motives. She wanted the slayer dead, and her cronies were there to back her up on the plan. Once Buffy was out of the picture, her William would fall back into her open arms, pleading to be accepted back.

Spike left no rock unturned, searched near and far and could not find Dru anywhere. The nightly patrol, in which Spike had casually backed out of, was pretty much uneventful until…

She flowed through the graveyard, her six "bodyguards" sticking to her like glue. They looked like rejected bouncers by their hulking forms. This might be tough, but doable.

"Drusilla, what brings you back into town? There's nothing for you here in beautiful Sunnydale. Didn't you get that through your insane head when you were here the last time?"

"You naughty, naughty slayer. You took my beautiful, glistening star, snatched him right out of the sky, turned him into a disobedient vampire. He thinks you glow for him now. He is blinded by what he thinks is love. Ha, a vampire in love with a vampire slayer? You have made him weak and foolish."

"No, Dru," Spike growled as he walked out of the shadows. "She didn't make me into anything. I did it all on my own. Decisions I made on my own. Yes, some may have been mistakes, but I wouldn't do anything different, except just the one thing, if I had the chance to do it all over again. This is my home now, my…friends." Spike turned and looked at the group staring back at him.

Drusilla giggled her insane laugh. "Home, friends. These people are not your friends. They will not accept you, ever. You’re dirt to them, something they can walk all over, to use when the need arises."

"If that's the case, so be it. I'm ready to accept my destiny of a redeemed, uh, unlife. I've been in the dark, with you, Dru. You never accepted me either, did you? You saw something in me that you didn't want to have to deal with. All you wanted was someone devoted to you, to share your bed, to hunt with you and kill with you, but it still wasn't enough for you, was it?"

Dru stepped towards him, gently running her finger down the side of his face. "Poor, sweet William. Doesn't know where to go." She angrily dragged her nail down his cheek, causing him to hiss from the pain. She leaned near his ear.

"I can take you where you want to go." She ran her tongue up the length of the cut on his face, cleaning the blood away. Spike angrily pushed her away and glared at her.

"You have a choice now, Dru. Either leave and never turn back, or else."

"Is that a threat, my dearest?"

"No, Dru, it's plain and simple facts."

"Well, then my fallen star…" She motioned for one of her henchmen to grab Spike as the others faced down the slayer and her entourage.

He struggled to get out of the tight hold the vampire had on him as he watched the others engage in battle, hoping upon hope none of the Scoobies would get hurt. He noticed Dru had moved away from him and headed towards Meg who had her back to the vampiress. He also caught the glint of a knife in her hand. Dru was planning on taking out one of the scoobs.

He wouldn't allow her to do it. Anger surged from within him and he quickly disengaged from the hold and staked the bugger in one motion. He ran swiftly towards the two, and just as she raised the knife, he raised the stake and plunged it through her cold, unbeating heart, showering him with her dusty remains. Meg turned in time to see the pain in his eyes. As he fell to his knees, she grabbed him and held him steady.

Buffy made sure the other bodyguards were finished off, and then ran to Spike. She pulled him up and latched onto him, holding him tight and stroking the back of his head with her hand.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. You should have let me do it. It was too hard for you, I know. I've been in those shoes before."

"No, Buffy, it had to be me. I gave her the choice." He broke down in front of everybody.

Megan piped up, "Wow, he saved my life." She rubbed his back gently. "He's truly a hero in my book. A valiant and brave Scooby."

Spike looked up at Meg. "I'm not a Scooby, little one. Never have been." Her mouth dropped open.

Buffy grabbed his face with both hands and turned him to look at her.

"Yes, you have been. For a long time now. I'm sorry we never made it official. So tonight, you have now been officially accepted into the Scooby gang. And I dare anyone to say otherwise."

She placed her cheek next to his and whispered lovingly into his ear, "You're a hero in my book, too."

TBC

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**devotion: earnest attachment to a person

He spent the night at the Summers' home. Buffy and Dawn insisted since the following week was Spring Break. Buffy knew such a personal event like what Spike had to endure hit hard. This was someone, whether she was of the undead sort, who he had known for over 100 years. An attachment, a bond, a strong one at that, was still there even though it had been strained for the past few years.

Buffy couldn't help to stare at him now, sitting on the couch, looking off into oblivion. She really did not know what to say to him. Every 20 minutes or so she would ask him if he needed anything. He would answer with a curt no. She thought back to the time when Angel was the one she had to sacrifice. Afterwards, the emptiness, the sorrow, the hate boiled within her. She took the coward’s way out and skipped town. It was hard to get rid of his ghost especially if she had to face her friends and loved ones. So at this very moment she wanted to give him his space.

After making Spike eat something, she made up the couch in the living room, making sure the window was well covered to keep out morning's impending sunlight. He still wasn't talking. As he sat down on the couch he uttered a word.

"Buffy?"

She turned quickly and rushed over to the coffee table, plopping herself down directly in front of him. He slid his hands underneath hers, her palms now resting on the backs of his.

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Spike. If you need anything, you know where I am. Just knock this time. Don't want any unnecessary roughness in the middle of the night, and oh, boy that did not come out right. You know what I mean. Good night, sweetie."

He looked up at her, surprised at the endearment she bestowed upon him but didn't respond. He nodded and gave her a pained smile in return.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

The room was pitch black. Wasn't there a full moon tonight? He knew Buffy had hung a thick blanket over the window above the couch but there should be some li…ight? 'Where is that light coming from and who’s up in the middle of the night?' Spike swung his legs over the edge of the couch and stood, leaning a little to the right to peer around the doorway into the kitchen. It didn’t look like a familiar light fixture that was even in the kitchen but looked like a beam of light. 'Is someone robbing the place? They're gonna wish they'd gone to another house.' There were no noises coming from the other room so couldn't be robbers. With a whoosh, the light traveled quickly into the living room, knocking Spike back down to the couch.

"What the bloody…D-Dru?" he stuttered.

"Hello, my beloved."

Spike stood again, legs feeling shaky, confusion setting in. Suddenly, a voice screaming into his ear.

"What the hell did you do? You had no right, no right at all."

Spike had raised his arms up, and cowered away from the offensive voice. He peered over his arm. Angelus?

"Why are you bleeding yelling at me? She came after me, my friends. I had every right to stake her." He glanced over at Dru who was swaying back and forth to her own internal music. When he looked back at Angelus, he was holding a very limp Buffy tightly in his grasp.

"Buffy, no, don't hurt her. Buffy fight back, I can't, I can't move, God please don't do this, you don't want to do this."

"Oh, I'm not…but Dru is. Question is, should she kill her or…turn her into one of us?"

"Please, don't. I need…"

Dru had slipped in next to Buffy, pulling her head back by a handful of hair. Dru gave Spike one last evil, seductive smile before sinking her fangs into Buffy's supple neck. Spike couldn't move.

"Nnnoooooooooo."

Light, blinding light. "Spike, Spike, it's ok.

The shaking was uncontrollable. He was being held down, his arms pinned. His eyes shot open. Bright light and something…no, someone holding his arms. Buffy, his Buffy. He sat bolt upright and wrapped his arms tightly around her tiny waist, panting heavily into her shoulder.

"Oh, God, Dru. Buffy…"

"I know, I know Spike. I know how hard it is. I'm here to help. Let me help."

"Buffy, she killed you. Dru killed you. It was…"

"A bad dream, Spike. Just a bad dream. She's gone now. She won't get me."

"But Angelus, he can. He can come after me, after you and the bit. He will. I killed his childe, he will come for me."

"No, no Angel wouldn't do that."

"Doesn't matter. Let him. I'm not scared of that poufter."

"Spike, look at me." Buffy held his face in her hands so he would look at her. "Nothing will happen, not Dru, not Angel or Angelus. This is just the guilt playing mind games with you."

"I can't lose you again, you know. I would die if you are ever taken away from me again."

Buffy laid her forehead against his. She was trying her best to comfort and reassure him. She quickly leaned in and kissed his pouting lips and could feel the tension melting away from not only herself but from him as well. She gently scooted him over closer to the back of the couch and lay down next to him, her back facing him. He naturally draped his arm over her, nuzzling the nape of her neck. She smiled, liking the feel of him so close and feeling content. They did fit perfectly together. Both drifted off into a somewhat peaceful sleep.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

The following nights that Spike stayed at the house were still filled with agonizing nightmares, always ending with Buffy getting killed, and the last one with both of his girls perishing. Dru was always the one doing the killing and Angelus was always there on the sidelines. Buffy would fly down the stairs, shaking him out of the dream, holding him and comforting him. Every morning, Dawn would find the two snuggled up together on the couch, looking peaceful and happy in one another's company. She hated to wake them up. Once she scrounged around enough in the kitchen, Buffy would pop in not too long after.

"How’s Spike doing?" she asked her sister on the third morning.

"I really don't know. He won't talk to me except about what happens in his dreams."

"Who’s having dreams?" Meg asked as she and Willow came through the back door.

"Spike, having nightmares. I don't know what to do about it. He calms down and it seems they disappear once I come downstairs to be with him.

"Well, I can interpret dreams, if you think he would want me to. Part of what I practice is doing just that." Meg smiled softly.

"Well, he seems to like you. Maybe he will let you. No harm in trying."

Spike was standing in the doorway, listening in on the conversation.

"Don't think you'd be able to help me, little one," he directed towards Megan.

She walked over to him, gently touching his arm. "Will you let me try? Just try and if you feel uncomfortable or feel it's not working, I will stop."

"Whatever, if you want. Where and what do I need to do?"

"Let's go somewhere quiet, comfortable. Back in the living room?"

"Sure," he grumbled, turning and walking away. He stopped and looked over his shoulder at Buffy.

"Will you come and sit with me, Buffy? Is that alright, little one?"

"Sure, it might even help."

An hour later, after Spike retold Meg his dreams and she placed him into a semi hypnotic state, she unjumbled the pattern and came up with a solution. She looked at the couple sitting on the couch, sitting close to one another, Spike clinging desperately to Buffy's hand, a life force of strength for him. Meg cleared her throat, Buffy looked up at her and Spike slowly regained consciousness.

"Didn't work, did it?"

"Actually, I think it did. I never read a vampire’s dream before, so this has been such a priviliege. I just…"

"Meg, sorry, but what did you find out?" Buffy interrupted her ramblings.

"Sorry. Well, there is definitely guilt there, more towards you than anyone else."

Buffy raised her brows and sat up, pointing at herself. Spike looked away from both girls. Buffy grabbed his chin and turned his head to look at her.

"You're still feeling guilty about last spring, aren't you? Spike, you gotta get over that. I have."

Spike looked back at Meg. Buffy huffed with exasperation.

"What else?"

“Well, this may sound strange, but you feel guilt for an angel? Seems you won't be at peace until you talk to it, or him."

"Angel, maybe you should call him." Buffy told him.

Meg shook her head. "No, he has to do it face to face. Face the consequences. It's the only way."

"Very well, I'll leave tonight."

"I'll go with you," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

"No, luv. I need to do this on my own just in case he wants to hand out the punishment."

Spike swiftly moved off of the couch and headed to the kitchen for a bite.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection

Spike was standing in the kitchen, grabbing a few things for the road, i.e. chips, cookies, blood. A well balanced group of snacks to travel with.

"So, you're not planning on taking that piece of junk of yours to LA, are you?" Buffy was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

Spike glared at her momentarily. "And why wouldn't I, luv? Besides, what else would I drive? I'm not taking the bike."

Buffy jangled a set of keys in the air. He stared at them.

"Are you letting me borrow your mum's, er, your car? I'm touched." He tried his best to act surprised at her gesture.

"Right, borrow. Not if I'm in the passenger seat."

"Buffy, I told you, you are not going. I need to do this on my own. Better this way."

"Who says? You? Spike, just let me come along. I won't interfere, I promise. But I do have a stake, um, wager in this. If he does turn on you, I risk losing something special. I can't handle that right now. One, I would be very upset if you got dusted by someone else other than me." She smirked at him in which turn he growled.

She continued, "And two, if Angel dusts you, then I have to turn around and stake him."

"I don't see anything bad in that. But I still say no."

Buffy, in a blink of an eye, slid over to Spike so that they were merely inches from each other, her body heat radiating off of her and hitting him in waves. With one hand, she was playing with the curls on the back of his head which sent tingles down his spine. The other was drawing invisible patterns on his chest. He shut his eyes tightly, trying hard to suppress the desire to ravage her because of her flirty ministrations.

"I want to ride along with you, please?...Honey, sweetie…baby," she drawled out seductively, lightly brushing her lips over his. She swore she heard him gulp. His body finally relaxed as he let out a sigh he had been holding. His eyes popped open, full of love and defeat.

Growling, "Buffy, you are such the little temptress. Fine, but you stay out of the way. Do you promise?"

"Promise…you’re so easy."

"Can't help it, not when it's you, you Jezebel. Now come here."

He swept her up so her feet were barely on the ground, and kissed her passionately, breaking away and looking at her. She opened her eyes to see why he pulled away.

"Honey? Sweetie? Baby? Are those my new pet names, luv?"

"Only if you want them to be," she continued on seductively. He growled again and continued his course of action. No need to let those plump, sweet lips of hers get too lonely.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy slept most of the way there, which was fine by him. He preferred the quiet so he could think of ways to break the news to Angel. Last time he graced Angel with his company he tried to have him killed or really just merely tortured. Surely Buffy had spoken to Angel about him since that incident. Maybe not.

They arrived at the Hyperion around 10. Lights were still on inside so he knew someone was up. He knew Angel would definitely be up. Spike reached over and looked at Buffy. He didn't know whether to wake her or just leave her in the car as he went in to do his business. She would be royally pissed if he didn't wake her and at least let her know they had arrived.

"Buffy," he called her softly, running his hand over her hair. "Buffy, we're here, luv. Time to wake up."

She groaned and sat up slowly, looking around outside. She looked over at him and smiled.

"I'm going in. You coming with me or staying out here?"

"I think I will come in. I'll just go to another room once I see that neither one of you are going to tear the other’s heart out, or throat, or lungs, or…"

"Alright, alright, got the human anatomy lesson. I'll be good, I promise. Just gotta remember, we haven't seen each other since I tortured him to get the ring of Amarra back. It might not be a pleasant reception for me, either. Have you told him about me since I got the chip?"

"Only that you had a chip implanted and you were reluctantly helping us. That was when I saw him last, after I was brought back. Other than that I haven't talked to him much. Oh, he also knows you stayed and looked after Dawn when I…you know."

"Well, that's a good thing, I guess.

She swatted him gently on the arm. "Come on, it's now or never."

"Easy for you to say, luv. Easy for you to say."

They walked hand in hand up to the doors of the hotel. Spike was the one who pulled away before opening the door, but he gave her a loving nudge for assurance. The front area was empty but they heard noises coming from the other office located to the right. Angel came through the doorway, shuffling paperwork, checking to see who was visiting at this late hour.

"Buffy!" Angel looked at her in surprise then glanced at Spike quickly. Back to Buffy. He held his hands up not sure whether to hug her or not.

"How are you?" He stepped forward and gave her a loving embrace in which she returned. Spike stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at his shoes.

"Just fine, you?"

"Couldn't be better…So…Spike. Never thought I'd see the likes of you again. Heard you were…incapacitated?"

"Angel. I didn't really think I'd see you again, either. Needed to talk."

"Aboooout?" He sarcastically asked.

"I think I will find somewhere else to go," Buffy made her way out of the room. Spike sighed and shook his head.

"Drusilla."

"What about Dru?" Angel walked over to the front desk, placing his stack of papers down. Spike followed him but stayed at a distance.

"She came back to Sunnydale with intentions that were not fully welcomed and I…”

"She's dust, right?" Spike was speechless for a bit.

"I staked her, yes, she's gone. How did you know?"

"I had a feeling, didn't know what exactly. It’s that Sire, Childe thing. I’d feel something, too, if it were you that died. Now with you showing up here, well, kind of set it in stone about the feeling over Dru. Wouldn't imagine you showing up for any other reason other than to try to kill me…So, Will, I see your carting around some extra baggage."

"What?...You mean you're no…angry about it?"

"Why would I be? I told Dru a long time ago to stay away, far away if she was going to cause trouble. Darla and she worked up a scheme not too long ago, got burned for it, in more ways than one."

"Remember that, she came back to Sunnydale looking for me. I threatened to stake her then but she left." Spike said, of course leaving out the parts about Buffy and why he threatened to stake Dru in the first place. "And what do you mean, extra baggage?"

"Something new, something different about you. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you had a soul yourself. But that's highly imposs…"

"I do," Spike interrupted him, "actually. And I wasn't cursed with it."

Angel looked at him in amazement. "How is that possible? The only other way to get one that I know of is to seek it. There's a demon that specializes in granting things, forgot their name, though, but it’s not trustworthy. I think you have to go through a set of trials or something or other."

"Yep, three. Three separate trials. Tough, I thought I was going to bloody die. Hurt like a bugger when I got the thing, too."

"Well, I'm…shocked. I'd say speechless, but nothing about you, William, leaves me speechless anymore. Why'd you do it?"

"Um, let's just say personal reasons. Tired of living in between what with the chip in my head and all. And I was already helping Buffy and the Scoobies."

Buffy wandered back in once she realized neither one of the boys had decapitated or dusted the other. It was funny to see them talking civilly to one another, like nothing ugly had ever happened between them. Angel turned and smiled at her.

"Why don't you two stay the night? You can take off tomorrow evening after sunset. Give us a chance to catch up with one another."

Spike started to protest. "I think…"

Buffy butted in. "Sure, that would be nice." Spike gave her a nasty look but then it softened.

"The rooms on the second floor from 210 to 220 are all made up as guest rooms. Help yourselves. Guess I'll see you in the morning then."

"Good night."

Angel walked back to the office but turned just in time to notice Buffy sliding her hand into Spike's as they ascended the stairs.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

They got adjoining rooms but ended up sharing one room that night. Spike sprawled out on top of the comforter on the bed, hands behind his head while Buffy busied herself getting ready for the night. She slipped into bed next to him wanting to discuss the events that had unfolded earlier. Spike was astounded that he still remained among the living and un-living. Buffy listened to him intently until she slowly started to drift off. Spike brushed the hair away from her face and kissed her forehead.

"Go to sleep, luv. We'll talk some more tomorrow. We always have tomorrow. I love you, Buffy."

"Mmm, tomorrow. I love you, too," she mumbled as she rolled over on her other side, facing away from Spike. Spike lifted his head up off the pillow, mouth dropping open, eyes bugging out. He wanted so much to shake her awake and ask her to repeat the last thing she said. He could wait until tomorrow; at least he thought he could. Maybe that 'someday' was finally here. Just maybe.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

He lay awake next to her, on his side, head propped up on his hand, gazing at her. He wanted to absorb every single inch of her into his memory. He, in his wildest dreams, never thought he would be here, next to her, ever again. He had become soft; yes, he would admit to it. Here he had been an evil, well, semi-evil creature of the night for over 120 years, and all he could think about was loving Buffy and giving her everything. He felt he had already done enough for himself, it was time to give. He vowed to himself from that day on that everything he did was because of her and only for her.

He swept a strand of hair out of her face and leaned over to place a chaste kiss on her forehead, then one on the tip of her nose and ending softly upon her lips. She mumbled slightly but didn't awaken. He decided he would let her sleep some more. He slipped out of bed, dressed quietly and stealthily made his way downstairs. For some reason he wanted to check out Angel Investigations. 'What a poufy name, Angel Investigations,' he thought to himself as he came closer to the main floor.

Someone he didn't recognize was at the front desk, a petite brunette who looked like a computer nerd with her glasses on. She looked up when she heard him descend the last step. She gave him a warm smile and said hi, barely loud enough for him to hear. He actually smiled back at her and nodded his hello. Without warning, he heard a crash off to his right.

"Oh, my God, Spike." Cordelia ran over to Fred and pushed her aside, grabbing a stake in the process. "Annnggeelll," she screamed.

Spike held up his hands in surrender, trying to convince her he wasn't there to harm anyone. Angel flew into the room, looking around frantically for the intruder. He saw Spike holding his hands up, shaking his head back and forth and trying to speak a full sentence. Angel crossed his arms over his chest and started to chuckle. Spike gave him an unpleasant look.

"Angel, would you be so kind as to call off your bodyguard?"

"It's alright, Cordy. Spike is here with Buffy and he's completely harmless. Well, somewhat harmless anyway. I'll explain later." Angel turned back to Spike. "Hungry? I was just getting ready to eat breakfast. Got plenty if you’re interested."

"Uh…sure…thanks."

About twenty minutes later, the two vampires found themselves in a dimly lit sitting room. They sat opposite from one another after Angel had pulled a table over that held a glass chess board and placed it between them. They had played against each other way back when, usually out of boredom during the daylight hours. Both had gotten quite good, but it had been a while. He started to set up the playing pieces so Spike pitched in to help.

Afterwards, Spike noticed Angel staring at him from time to time. Spike knew something was on his mind even though he really wanted to talk to Angel; he just didn't know where to begin. Finally, Spike started.

"Just say it."

Angel's mouth dropped open. "What?"

"You apparently want to ask me something, so just ask."

"What's with you and Buffy?"

Spike chuckled and looked away from him.

"What's so funny? You told me to ask."

"I knew exactly what you were going to ask, that's what's so funny." He stopped laughing and became serious as he looked back at him.

"Nothing. We had a…a thing for a brief time. Just happened. Now we're…just friends."

It was Angel's turn to laugh.

"I think I recall this conversation once before. A particular person, namely you, telling Buffy and me that we would never be friends. You're in love with her, aren't you?" Spike lowered his gaze and grimaced at the fact Angel could see right through him.

"I knew it. Is that the reason you sought a soul? Does she love you?"

"I think that is something you should be asking Buffy, if you're brave enough to do so," Spike said matter-of-factly.

"Why? Because you're not really sure how she feels about you?"

"Doesn't matter. I know how I feel, and that's all that I care about right now. I would do anything for her and her sister. They're my family, all that I have, well, except for you, but we both know how that's been."

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy woke up alone not too long after Spike had casually slipped out of the room. She was sure she heard Cordy yelling for Angel. She made her way to the bathroom, showered, dressed and headed downstairs to see what kind of mischief Spike had gotten himself into.

Buffy ran into Cordy and Fred. As they exchanged pleasantries, Cordy mentioned the whereabouts of the two boys. Buffy made her way to the darkest room in the hotel and stood at the doorway just in time to hear them talking about her. She was amazed at Spike's responses to Angel's hounding. Another thing that was unbelievable was how well the two were getting along. Well, getting along for them was not ripping each other's body parts off. They seem to be having a rational conversation of sorts.

She cleared her throat before entering the room, giving them a leeway to either change the subject or stop talking about her.

"Goodmorning, boys."

Angel stood, which made Spike roll his eyes. He had to hand it to Angel; he was still a smooth character what with the gentlemanly charms and all. He gave her a peck on the cheek.

"How did you sleep?"

"Like a log, thanks." She turned her attention to Spike, smiling affectionately. He returned it.

"I rolled over and didn't find you this morning. You left without waking me."

Mouth opened in astonishment; Spike couldn't believe Buffy mentioned their sleeping arrangements right there in front of Angel. Maybe now would be a good time to be stoic. He snapped his mouth shut and glanced over at Angel, who of course looked a bit perplexed. Spike cleared his throat and turned his attention back to Buffy.

"I…thought you needed to sleep a little longer. Besides, I wanted to check out the place. Which, I think I will finish my tour right now and let you two catch up."

He stood quickly, but as he passed the still standing Buffy, the back of their hands brushed. He gave her a glance and saw the twinkle in her eyes before she winked at him. She was up to something. He smiled to himself before leaving the room.

Buffy plopped herself down in Spike's seat.

"So, fill me in on the haps. What's new in your life, Angel? Seeing anyone special? Anything strange or odd happened lately?"

"What's going on, Buffy?"

"I'm trying to catch up. What better way to do that than to carry on a bit of conversation?"

"I mean, what's going on with Spike? You two seem to be on more than friendly terms. Am I right?"

"Possibly. Maybe. Does it matter?"

"Buffy, don't take this the wrong way. You know I care about you, I always will. I know it's your life and I have no right to tell you what you should do, but Spike? Can you trust him?"

"You would be amazed at what he has accomplished, what he has done for me and Dawn. He's risked his life, or unlife as he would say, he's protected all of us, he went out to get a soul for me because he wanted to be a good man. You of all people should know what it does to you to get a soul back after being without one for so long. He just wanted me to be happy, wanted to give me what he thought I deserved; love and happiness. I think all that speaks volumes and I will admit, it took me a while to fully trust him. But yes, I do now."

Silence filled the room.

"I believe he does love you. I can see it in his eyes and in his actions. But…Buffy…do you love him?"

"Hey, peaches, there's a crazy guy out here asking for you." Spike knew he was interrupting at a bad time. "I think you better get out here and talk to him."

"We'll finish our conversation later?" Angel looked perturbed.

"No need. The answer to your question is the same as my answer to your other question." Buffy didn't want to say it, especially with Spike in the room. She had her own agenda set for the right time and place to break her declaration to him.

Angel nodded his confirmation.

Spike's blue eyes widened and he was having a hard time containing his excitement. He knew exactly what the questions were and now knew her answer to both. Vampire hearing was a wonderful asset to the undead creature package. He quickly dropped his eyes to the floor so Angel couldn't pick up on this discovery.

As he passed Spike in the doorway, he asked Angel, "Need any help?"

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know yet. Maybe."

Buffy came up to stand next to Spike. "We've got your back, just in case."

Angel smiled and headed to the front lounge.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Angel, indeed, needed some backup. Gunn and Fred were out on a case and Cordy was in another part of the hotel. It turned out the "crazy man" was in actuality a demon who could split himself into two other smaller demons. All in all, they were peeved at something or someone and mean as ever, taking its anger out on the three warriors.

Angel decided to take on the large one, leaving the two small ones for Buffy and Spike, which they disposed of quite quickly. The big one was strong and Angel struggled. In fact, the demon picked Angel up and tossed him across the room like a sack of flour then ran towards him brandishing a bo that had been sharpened to a point at the end. Spike intercepted the demon's pursuit and took the blow meant for Angel. He crumpled to the floor holding his side where blood gushed from the gash the demon had inflicted.

Buffy took that instant to take the demon down, Angel hopping onto the bandwagon and holding him down while Buffy twisted its neck nearly all the way off. She scrambled off of the demon and crawled over to Spike who was lying face down on the floor, blood now pooling underneath him. Angel noticed and ran to get the first aid kit while Buffy flipped Spike over onto his back. He was unconscious and paler than normal and Buffy held her hands over the deep cut.

"It's bad, Angel. He's lost a lot of blood. We need to get it stopped before it completely drains out of him."

Angel put the kit down and ran over to grab some towels. He placed them over the wound and applied enough pressure over it to staunch the flow while Buffy booked it to the kitchen to grab as much blood as she could carry to replace what Spike had lost. When she came back into the room, she had to stop for a moment. Angel had lifted Spike up and was cradling his head in his lap. She could overhear him talking to his grand childe.

"Must be something good in that cold heart of yours after all. What was with that heroic white knight stuff? Throwing yourself in between that demon and me; taking the brunt of the hit, something that was meant to dust me, finish me off…Must be something in there," he trailed off almost too soft for Buffy to hear.

Spike moaned and started to move slightly. His eyes slowly opened.

"Oh, bloody hell,” he growled. “You would have to be the first thing I see after waking up from being almost skewered."

Angel looked up at Buffy with a goofy grin on his face.

"He's going to be just fine, Buff."

TBC to Pt. 2

Disclaimer: Song lyrics belong to Bryan Adams and his sexy voice. I don't own either one. Be forewarned, may include some *spoilers* for upcoming episodes. So if you are trying to remain unspoiled, don't go there! All these characters, (except *my* RJ and Megan), and spoilers that will really happen in the weeks ahead, all belong to one Joss Whedon and his affiliates. I'm just embellishing with the fluffiness because we all know Joss is not the fluffy spuffy type.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

By evening, Spike was mobile, but barely. Buffy called Dawn to let her know they were staying overnight and hope to be home by the following evening. She would call before they actually left. As she hung up the phone, she heard a few expletives from the other room.

"Dammit all to bloody hell! Will you just sod off? And stop molly coddling me!"

Buffy walked into the room as Spike was finishing his rant.

"Why does everyone feel it necessary to be over indulgent towards me? Buffyyyy…tell him to stop and, and to…to go away."

Buffy started to giggle when she saw that Angel was playing nurse maid to Spike and the blonde’s incessant whining about it. At the same moment Spike saw Angel's hurt expression.

"Bugger," he mumbled as he looked away. "It's just that…you’re stifling. And yeah, I know, I don't need to breathe, but you've already thanked me enough; you've already done quite enough. It's getting to be too much."

"I'm only trying to help, make sure your comfortable, healing and all. I mean, you did take the so called "bullet" for me. The least I can do is, what did you say? Coddle? Just trying to show my appreciation. But I'll back off, if that will make you happy."

"A bit. Thanks…Um, we could play a round of chess if you’d like? Never got the first one really started."

Angel smiled. "I'll go get the board."

Spike rolled his eyes as Angel left the room and looked up at Buffy with adoring but helpless eyes.

"I'm not saying anything and I'm not doing anything either. I think it's sweet that he wants to take care of you. You are his grandchilde, you know. Respect your elders. They're wise beyond their years…way beyond their years in your case."

"Sweet my ass," he mumbled. "And don't patronize me. I'm just not used to seeing this side of him. Kind of gives me the willies. Especially looking back at our precarious relationship."

"I just think he wants to show his appreciation. Show you he does actually care about you. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's time for you to accept a reconciliation. Be a man about it."

"You're patronizing again," he said between gritted teeth.

"That's why you love me so." Buffy smiled at him sweetly as she bent down and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Mmhmm, yeah. One of the many reasons." He gently pulled her back to him and kissed her deeper, breaking it off when he heard Angel approach.

The three spent the rest of the night gabbing about the past few years, all the demons and baddies they had met along the way, the most fascinating story belonging to Angel. Both Spike and Buffy were floored that Angel was the father of a currently teenaged son who was rebelling against him. Was even more astonished to find out who the mother was. Go figure; what a cruel yet hilarious world.

Buffy's eyes began to droop and the yawns were coming more often. She decided her bed was calling her and left the boys, who were still talking and playing chess, around midnight. She was happy they were getting along so well. It had been a nice visit but she was ready to go home.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

She was ready to go right at sunset. She had made her phone call to Dawn as promised and now was hustling Spike about. He had, as she knew he would, healed rather quickly even though he was still feeling the aches. All the sleep he had during the day and the good dose of O-negative helped with the speedy recovery.

She threw her arms around Angel's neck as they stood at the entrance and told him to stay in touch more often. He had an open invitation to Sunnydale anytime.

"I'll remember that. Not quite a vacation spot, but I will come and visit."

Spike sighed loudly. "Bloody wonderful. To visit, mind you. Not to stay. Sunnydale is my turf, don't forget that."

Angel gave him a parental look of sternness and clipped the side of his head gently with a cuff of his hand as Spike smirked and held out his hand towards him. Angel grasped it firmly for a second or two before suddenly reaching out with the other hand and pulling Spike into a friendly hug. Spike gasped quietly and reciprocated it, adding a few back pats as well.

Spike cleared his throat. "Uh, right. See ya round."

"Yeah. See you around. And take care of everyone…or else. And stay out of trouble"

He smirked again. "Got it."

Buffy booked it out to the SUV and hopped in.

"Good God woman, why are you in such a hurry? You'd think the end of the world was about to happen," Spike huffed as he pulled himself into the driver's seat with a slight groan.

"I wanted to make a stop along the way. Somewhere special from my childhood. I wanted to tell you something in private before we make it back home."

"Oh…alright. Where is this special place since I am the driver of this beast?"

"I'll tell you how to get there along the way."

"Gotcha."

Twenty minutes and several turns later, they pulled onto an overlook. Spike put the car in park, turned the engine off, but left the radio on playing softly. The expanse of the ocean spread out in front of them as the full moon and twinkling stars danced off of the waves.

Spike chuckled as he looked around in awe. "This is a makeout spot."

"Is not. It's a…it's just a nice view, peaceful and serene."

"Yeah, yeah and all that rot. This is a classic makeout spot and you can't tell me otherwise. Remember, I've been around a long time, and I know a makeout spot when I see one."

"Alright, alright. Geesh. Call it what you will."

"So…do with me what you will."

"Ok, ruining the mood very much right at the moment."

"Oh, sorry. Shutting up now. Go on."

Buffy turned around in her seat so she could look at Spike.

"Do you believe we've actually known each other almost six whole years? Started out as enemies, hating each other, wanting nothing but to kill each other."

"Uh, Buffy, sorry to interrupt, but I never really hated you and the wanting to kill you? Nope, not that either. I know it may have seemed like I did, but when I first saw you at the Bronze and then saw you fight in the alley, all I ever wanted to do was dance with you. You were different and you became my obsession.” He looked away sheepishly.

“It was all just a big tease, the big badness and all. Had to keep a reputation and all, you know being in the master line and what. I loved getting under your skin, watching you seethe with anger until you reached your boiling point. It was like an aphrodisiac to me. And I can't believe I'm telling you this. Somewhere along the way, the lust turned to love. And it just took over and kept growing bigger and larger til it took over my whole existence. You took over my whole existence. I've made up my mind, it doesn't matter anymore. I love you and if you are not in my life then my life is just an emptiness I will have to dredge through. I don't care if you ever love me the way I love you. Just being with you, like this, is the closest I'll ever come to heaven. I vow from this day forward that everything I do, it’ll be for you."

Buffy sat there as if she was a deer caught in headlights, mouth hanging open. As if right on cue, a love song started playing softly on the radio.

~~Look into my eyes, you will see What you mean to me. Search your heart, search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more.~~

Spike smiled. "I'm sorry. Go ahead and finish what you were saying. I have a tendency to run at the mouth, you of all…"

He was cut off when Buffy grabbed him and pulled him to her, capturing his mouth in a blinding and searing kiss. He tangled his fingers through her golden locks not wanting to let go. She finally pulled away to catch her breath as they leaned in, foreheads together.

~~Look into your heart, you will find There's nothing there to hide. Take me as I am, take my life. I would give it all, I would sacrifice.~~

"Spike…I do love you. I know that sounds so pathetic after that beautiful long speech of…"

Now it was her turn to get cut off with lips of Spike. Buffy wasn't complaining too much at that particular moment either.

~~There's no love, like your love. And no other could give more love. There's nowhere, unless you're there, All the time, all the way.~~

He pulled away slowly and whispered, "Say it again, Buffy. Please, tell me again."

She whispered back, "I love you. I'm sorry I've made you wait so long."

"Doesn't matter."

They sat there kissing, touching and looking at each other as the song played on.

~~Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for. I can't help it, there's nothing I want more. Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you. Walk the wire for you, yeah, I'd die for you. You know it's true. Everything I do, I do it for you.~~

Buffy smiled at him. "Let's go home. I told Dawnie I had some news for her. Told her it had to do with you. I'm sure the others will be there, too."

"Alright, luv. Let's go home then."

The End

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

A/N Mushy, fluffy, lovey stuff abounds. 8) Song lyrics (not all of the lyrics included in story) from one of my most favorite singers and songs: Bryan Adams: Everything I Do (I Do It For You). Thought it fit in perfectly with the moment. THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL THE SUPPORT THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE STORY! ~Mel