The Sunnydale sign came into view as she sped down the highway, her bags thrown across the backseat. Trash littered the floor of the car making if difficult to drive.

Her heart was pounding as she drove into town; the sun had just begun to set behind the Californian hills. As the lights turned red at the crossroads, she took the opportunity to read the invitation that rested on the passenger seat.

Looking at the gold embedded calligraphy, she stared at her two best friends’ names on the invitation.

Willow and Xander had been friends from the age of 3 and had grown up together. Buffy didn’t come into the equation till she was 10 years old and moved into the same street as them.

They grew up together in the next five years, sharing secrets with each other, building a relationship that would survive the most hurtful heartbreak.

********* Flashback ***********

When Buffy walked into school that morning, the whole student body was buzzing with news that not only did they get a new librarian; there was also a new student from England.

Because she was on the Yearbook committee, she had to introduce herself and show him around. A job that was delegated to her by Cordelia Chase, High School Yearbook Editor. She walked towards her locker and placed her books inside.

Willow stood by her locker and grinned, waiting for Xander so that they could walk to class together.

“And just where we’re you this morning Miss Summers?” Willow chastised with a lingering smile on her face.

“Ahh, I had a previous engagement. Angel gave me a ride to school.”

“Who’s been riding who?” Xander walked behind them and placed an arm around their shoulders pulling them close.

“God is that all that’s on you mind Xander?” Buffy smiled into his shoulder.

“Come on Buffy, I’m a strapping young man.” Buffy rolled her eyes and giggled as they walked into homeroom.

“Dad come on, why do I have to go to same bloody school as you?” William ‘Spike’ Lewisham pouted as he picked up his books and threw them in his bag.

“William, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you why we left England in the first place. And this is the only way I can keep an eye on you.” Giles picked up his briefcase and keys and waited for his son by the door.


Buffy sat down and smiled over at Angel, who had walked in with his own clique of people. He walked passed Buffy and squeezed her shoulder. Buffy smiled to herself, Angel was quite a catch. Being the star player for the football team for Sunnydale High, he could pick any girl in the school.

The teacher walked in and closed the door interrupting Buffy from her thoughts, followed closely behind by a blond haired, leather clad student.


“Class, I’d like you to meet our new student William, who has transferred from England. Please take the empty seat behind Willow.”

William looked up to see a redheaded girl wave excitedly. He smiled and moved along the aisle and sat down. Willow turned around and smiled, holding out her hand.

“Hi I’m Willow, there’s Buffy and the monkey on the other side is Xander.” William looked over as she introduced each person.

He didn’t see Xander as his eyes locked with Buffy’s, green orbs clashed with blue. Buffy blushed under the scrutiny and lowered her head.

“Willow, now that you have introduced yourself to our new student. Can we get on?”

Willow blushed and looked into her book as giggles erupted within the class, Buffy shook her head and opened her textbook as the lesson began.

Lunchtime came pretty quickly as Buffy made her way to the cafeteria. Taking her tray with her, she looked for Xander and Willow; not spotting them, she took a seat on an empty table. She opened her book and forgot about the outside world, frowning as a shadow formed on her book. She looked up and noticed the new student standing before her.

“May I sit down?”

“Of course, William is it?” He smiled as he placed his tray down and took the seat opposite her.

“Well you can call me Spike, William is my Sunday name.” Buffy laughed, as Spike’s grin grew wider.

“Ok Spike, well I’m gonna be showing you around the school. Where would you like to go first?”

****End Flashback*****

Buffy pressed the brake as the lights turned red on Main Street, looking to her left she noticed the coffee shop was still there. Smiling to herself, she looked in the dashboard retrieving the photograph she carried around with her.

Willow, Xander, Spike, and herself grinned back at her. Their smiles matched the sunshine as they sat together.
She held onto the photograph as she turned right, down Revello Drive, her mind replaying key memories of her teenage years.

**Flashback***

“Come on Buffy, it’ll be fun. You can’t mope around forever.” Willow tugged on Buffy’s arm trying to pull her from the couch.

“I’m not moping.”

“Yes you are. So what if Angel kissed Cordelia, why not go out and prove to him you can still have fun.” Buffy finally fell off the couch with Willow, laughing she picked herself up.

She had finally spilt up with Angel after being humiliated in school by him kissing Cordelia. Spike had grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her out of there. And at home she stayed until Willow had turned up.

She stood outside the door of the Bronze, the local club and where everyone went. She took a deep breath and smiled at Willow as they walked through the door.
The club was packed; trying to find a table was a nightmare. Giving up on that option, they ventured to the bar.


Buffy leaned over the bar to get the barman’s attention; Spike grinned and moved towards her leaning into her ear.

“You better stop doing that, you’ll get the man’s motor running.” Buffy grinned and turned her head slightly.

“Why, it’s more fun that way.” Her warm breath blew across his nose and he shuddered inwardly.

They ordered their drinks and moved to a vacated table. Sitting down, Buffy’s head suddenly snapped to the door as Angel walked through with Cordelia on his arm. Her eyes darted to each of her friends, finally settling on the couple who now entered the club and was walking towards them.

“Oh god,” she breathed her eyes glistening.

“Don’t worry pet.” Spike patted her hand as he watched Angel walk closer.

“Well hello. Willow, Xander and Spike.” He looked down to see Spike’s hand still holding onto Buffy’s.

“God Buffy that was quick, seems you’re very resourceful.” He laughed as Spike suddenly removed his hand. Buffy frowned at the loss of his hand. She stood up and stepped closer to Angel.

“Angel, although you may have the looks of a star player. I do believe you have slipped a little. Cordelia Chase for Pete’s sake, I must say Spike is a totally better kisser than you.”

Spike choked as he took a drink of his soda, Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dancefloor leaving a very shocked Angel O’Reilly.

Spike placed his hands on her hips as they swayed to the music, their eyes locked as the soft music echoed throughout the club.

“Spike I’m sorry for that. I got mad and just wanted to get him back.”

“It’s ok Buffy, but it wasn’t such a bad idea.” Buffy stopped swaying and looked at him.

“What are you saying?” he moved his hands and cupped her face, his thumb brushing against her lower lip.

“I’m saying I like you. “

“I like you too.”

Buffy licked her lips in anticipation as Spike lowered his face towards hers.

Their lips met softly, her fingers locked behind his neck as they drew each other closer. Willow gasped as she watched Spike and Buffy kiss on the dancefloor, she hit Xander in the arm and he followed her gaze.

***End Flashback***

Buffy sighed and drove across Main Street and headed to Willow and Xander’s. She knew she shouldn’t have come back.

Parking her car in Willow’s driveway, she took the keys from the ignition; the curtains twitched and the door opened just moments later. Willow ran through the front door and with a squeal, she attacked Buffy to the ground.

Buffy laughed as she hugged her best friend back, her bag handle still attached to her hand as Willow helped her up.

Laughing they both walked into the house arm in arm. Buffy sat down on the couch with a slump, dropping her bag next to her. Willow sat next to her, squeezed her arm, and giggled.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here. We’re going to have so much fun.” She smiled at her best friend. She couldn’t remember the last time they had spent time together.
“Where’s Xander? I thought he would be here to meet me.” Willow looked around uncomfortably.


“Oh he’s meeting someone at the airport; he’s going to meet us later.” Buffy nodded as she stood up and stretched.

“Is it alright if I get freshened up for our boogie night?” Willow nodded and pointed down the hallway.

“If only you knew,” Willow muttered hoping her plan didn’t backfire.


Xander stood at the gate; waiting was never one of his strong suits. He paced back and forth waiting for the throes of people to enter the arrival lounge. He stood on his tiptoes until he spotted the shock of platinum blond hair.


Making his way through the crowd, he kept his eyes on the blond hair. Someone knocked on his shoulder and he was about to turn and shout an offending remark, when he was pushed from behind.

“Hey.” Xander bellowed and turned around, only to be face to face with Spike. He in turn grinned and put his fists up ready for a fight.

“Hey man, you know if you were anyone else I would pummel you?” Spike raised his eyebrow sardonically.

“Yeah right.” Xander laughed knowing he was right.

“So are you ready for a wild weekend?” Spike clapped him on the back and he fell forward.

“Oh yeah, I’m ready but are you?”

Spike frowned and laughed as he walked off in search of his luggage.


Buffy let the hot water cascade across her tired body, being in the town she grew up in brought vivid memories back.

Feelings she thought were buried forever suddenly came back full force. Shaking her head, she continued to wash her hair, shaking thoughts of first loves and bright blue eyes that were able to reach within.





**** Flashback*****

“So where were you on Saturday night? I thought we were bronzing?” Willow smiled as she linked arms with her best friend.

“Well Spike and I had the intention of partying but we fell asleep.”

“Oh Yeah.” Willow nodded her head, and clucked her tongue causing both girls to burst into a fit of giggles.

Buffy opened her locker, placed her books inside, and looked at the photo of her and Spike smiling back at her.

“You know if your boyfriend found out you were looking at another man, he wouldn’t be pleased.” Buffy smiled and turned around to face the bright blue eyes that looked back at her.

“Well, I won’t tell him if you don’t.” She turned around staring into the most intense blue eyes she had seen.

He pulled her close, his hand settling on the small of her back. Her fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck while her lips moulded against his. His tongue licked her bottom lip causing her mouth to part.

Buffy was vaguely aware of whistles erupting in the corridor, until Spike pulled his lips away and blushed slightly. Buffy looked away from his eyes to see Willow giggling. She was doing her best to look at the book she had now taken from her locker.


“Okay, that was embarrassing. See what you do to me?” Spike leaned his forehead against hers as the bell echoed through the corridor.

Buffy giggled nervously as she spotted Willow signalling her from the other side of the corridor.

“I have to go.” She lowered her eyes and blew out her breath. It danced along Spike’s chin causing little vibrations along his spine.

“Okay I’ll see you at lunch. Love you.” He kissed her softly on the lips and walked away. Buffy stood transfixed while staring at his retreating form as it disappeared around the corner.

“He loves me.” She whispered, her fingers lightly grazing the still swollen lips. Dazed she walked slowly into the classroom and sat down.

“Buffy. Everything okay?”

“Will. He said the word.” Willow’s eyes slowly showed recognition of the word and squealed much to the dismay of the teacher who grumbled he should be working in the military instead of being stuck in a classroom.

“This is big. What are you going to do? Are you going to say it back?” Buffy absentmindedly started to bite her nails.

What was she going to do?

******End Flashback******


“So what are we doing tonight then mate?” Spike sat back in the passenger seat as Xander kept his eyes on the road. Xander had been way too quiet.

“Well seeing as it is the night before the uh night before. I thought we would go to the Bronze, you know like old times.” Xander kept his eyes permanently fixed on the road.

“I don’t know Xand. I mean that place holds too many memories.”

“I thought you said you could do this. You never think about her?”

Spike smoothed his hair with the back of his hand releasing some of his blond curls, debating with himself to come here had been hard. Truth be told he never stopped thinking of her.

“Yes I do think about her sometimes, but it’s just this place brings so many fresh memories.” Xander sighed, a sudden ball of nerves expanding in his stomach. Why did Willow talk him into this?

Buffy stood in front of the mirror and stared at her reflection; her blond hair cascaded and settled over her shoulders. This was a special night. It wasn’t often she dressed up for any occasion; the least she could do was make the effort for her friend.


Her blue dress fitted in all the right places, her neckline plunged low to reveal a modest cleavage and dipped low around the back. She twirled in a circle suddenly giggling to herself as her cheeks flushed with energy.

She stopped suddenly as she noticed the picture resting against the bedside cabinet, the familiar blue eyes looking back at her.

***** Flashback *******



Buffy sat on the couch waiting for Spike to arrive, her fingers drumming against her knee as the clock stared back at her.

She stood up quickly as the doorbell rang, smoothing her blue dress down she smiled and opened the door.

Spike stood on the other side of the door, his hair illuminated by the light. Smiling she stepped aside to let him in.

“So where have you been?”

“Getting your corsage? He moved his hand from behind his back to reveal a large blue box.

Grinning, Buffy quickly retrieved the box and opened it. Gasping she took the flower out and urged Spike to place it on her wrist.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Buffy, Spike. Please let me take some pictures.” Buffy’s mother Joyce rushed in with the camera, after five minutes of grins that could stretch elastic they quickly bundled out of the house and into the car to pick up Willow.

Settling into the seat she waved to her mom through the window, lifting her wrist she admired the corsage.

The prom was in full swing when they arrived. Xander was already dancing on the floor. Willow shook her head and smiled as she walked over to him getting caught up in the chicken dance.

Spike’s hand placed on the small of Buffy’s back, they walked over to get a drink, spotting Giles standing in his suit she waved.

“Did I tell how gorgeous you look in your tux?” Buffy looked up as he started to pull the collar away from his neck.

“No you didn’t, but I look like a penguin.” Buffy laughed and kissed him on the lips.

An hour later Buffy was having a ball dancing with her friends; she spotted Spike talking to Giles and waved over.

Half an hour later she tried looking for Spike and not finding him she wandered down the corridor from the school gym. Hearing voices in a nearby classroom, she walked in to find Spike and Cordelia in the corner kissing.

Buffy’s gasp hitched in her throat as Spike turned around. His face contorted as he stumbled forward.

“Buffy. This is not what it looks like” Spike voice broke the silence as Cordelia wiped the corner of her mouth.


“Really. I think I will never speak to you again.” She turned on her heels and slammed the door leaving Spike to realise he had just made a terrible mistake.

Running down the hall, tears threatened to escape. Not looking where she was going, she bumped into Willow and Xander.

“Buff what’s wrong?” Willow’s hands held Buffy’s as she re-told what she saw in the room. Spotting Spike walking out of the door, she motioned Xander to get Buffy home.

“Don’t worry I’ll get Giles to give me a lift home.” She patted Xander on the shoulder as she left them to walk up to Spike.

Pushing Spike on the shoulder, he stumbled back. Her arms crossed defensively, she stood there with her eyebrows knitted together.

“How stupid could you possibly be William?” he lowered his head and tried to explain to Willow. She listened quietly realising it was Cordelia’s ploy to get Buffy to break up with Spike.

Willow sighed and linked arms with Spike, walking back into the prom and towards Giles.

Buffy didn’t go to school the following day, she couldn’t face seeing Spike and Cordelia in school. Picking up the phone, she dialled the number with her mother’s consent and she made arrangements.

Spike left it for 3 days before he tried to call on Buffy. Knocking on the door, he waited. Xander tapped him on the shoulder, and sighed shifting his hands inside his pocket.

“You won’t find her there. Willow had a call from her; she moved to live with her father. She’s gone.”

Spike closed his eyes, but couldn’t swallow the lump that formed in his throat. Slumping onto the ground, he rested his head against his knees.

He’d lost her.

********End Flashback*********

Quickly setting the picture back down she lifted her head, there is no way she was going to think of him tonight. He was in her past never to be seen again.

Buffy descended the staircase and waited for Willow as she ran around her bedroom looking for her purse.

Standing in front of the mirror, she smacked her lips together spreading the gloss. Willow skipped down the stairs her red hair fixed in place, smiling at Buffy she bounded for the door. Turning off the lights, they stepped outside into the night. Willow locked the door and linked arms with her best friend as they walked to the cab that was waiting for them.

Sitting back in the cab Buffy turned her head and watched as the houses moved quickly past. Willow’s hand squeezed hers knowing that being back was hard on her, she leaned her head on Buffy’s shoulder as they sat there in comfortable silence.

“Buffy, can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah sure.” Willow lifted her head.

“Why did you leave?” Buffy was caught off guard by the question. Her hands settled on her knee and then moved over to scratch her shoulder.

“Will, you know why I couldn’t stay here. After seeing Spike with Cordy it was the ultimate betrayal. In that moment my heart snapped. It hurt too much to stay, and then Angel came round the day after and threw a little salt into the wound. I just needed to leave.”

Buffy looked up at Willow’s shocked face, her brow furrowed in confusion as she began to breathe rapidly.

“Buffy, what did Angel say to you? Because we found out later that Angel and Cordy were seeing each other, and he was so angry about you embarrassing him in the Bronze he wanted to pay you back. Hence Cordy tried to seduce Spike to split you guys up.”

“What?” Buffy grabbed Willow’s upper arms.

“Yeah, but you were gone. I didn’t know how to contact you. You didn’t let me know for a year after you left and then Spike was already gone.”

“He left.” She released her hands from her arms and sat back further into her seat.

“What did you expect, you left? Spike was so upset he waited a year for you to come back; no one would tell him where you were. You never did, so he left.”

Why would she think he would stay? After all she did leave, and she regretted her decision every day of her life. Looking out of the window her mood suddenly dampened, eyes glistening with tears.

***Flashback****

Buffy sat on the bus waiting for the bus to leave, her eyes felt tired from crying. She needed to get away. She didn’t know if she would ever be back in the town she loved so much. She couldn’t say goodbye to her friends, it would make this too real. So she took the coward’s way out and wrote them each a letter explaining her actions.

Looking out of the window she watched as her mother blew her nose, the look of distress on her mother’s face caused her to look away momentarily.

The engine of the bus revved, she suddenly felt nervous that she was leaving the love of her mother behind. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she waved bye to her mother, her silhouette blurring into the distance.

Picking up her bag she looked for the packet of tissues her mother always insisted she carry. Searching in her bag, she pulled out the photos she packed in a rush.
Staring back at her were her two best friends.

Willow and Xander’s arms were wrapped around her like she wouldn’t be able to breathe. She placed the photograph behind the pack as the one photo she thought she had left behind came into view.

Spike stood behind her, holding her in his arms, his chin resting on his shoulder. Her smile left her face slowly as the pain of what had happened at the prom.

Squeezing her eyes shut she tried to block out the pain as the tears slowly coursed down her face.

She opened her eyes briefly to see the Sunnydale sign, sighing deeply she knew she would never let anyone in again.

*****End Flashback****


The Bronze was packed. Buffy and Willow slowly made their way to the bar. Waiting to be served Buffy slowly took everything in. There were so many nights were she sat on the upper level with Spike and her friends.

“Catching up on old times?”

Willow’s hand touched her shoulder, sniffing she placed her hand above her friends.

“Yeah, good but also not so good.”

Willow didn’t know what to say. It was a lot for Buffy to take in; she hadn’t been back in town a day and it was beginning to hit her hard.

“Remember when Xander was mistaken for that guitar player, and had to go on stage.”


Buffy smiled as she moved the straw with her lips, staring into her drink she sighed. She knew that if she came back she would think of him. She had been careful to lock that part of her heart and buried it deep.

Feeling the tears prick her eyes she quickly excused herself to use the bathroom.

Her reflection stared back at her as she applied lip-gloss to her lips. Grabbing a tissue she cleaned underneath her eyes. Putting on a brave face for her friends was her main priority. Spike was now in her past never to be seen.

Sucking a deep breath she fixed a smile on her face and headed out of the bathroom.

Willow was sitting down at the bar twirling her glass against the dark wood. She smiled as Buffy re-took her seat.






Spike picked up the magazines from the coffee table, and threw them down with disgust.

Xander watched with amusement as Spike cursed and muttered under his breath. Standing up and moving towards the fireplace he reached for the pack of cigarettes and lighter.

“You know you really are getting senile. I think being a lawyer is scrambling your pea sized brain”

“Being a lawyer has nothing to do with it. It has to do with the fact that if we don’t hurry up your lady will break my balls”


Grinning as he snatched the packet out of his friend’s hand, and shoved them into his jacket pocket.

Grabbing Xander by the collar he pulled him out of door.



“Did I tell you today that I love you?”

“Nope you didn’t.”

“I love you.”

Her hand tightened around his as he leaned closer and kissed her soft lips.

Spike shook his head trying to erase the vivid moment. He was feeling the pain more now that he was in the town they grew up and fell in love. Passing familiar places seem to spark off different memories.


“Come on let’s boogie.”

Willow jumped off her chair and pulled a reluctant Buffy to the small dance floor, the disco lights dancing around her.


Spike and Xander walked in through the door, pushing them slightly so they could get to the bar.

Spike turned around and leaned on his elbows. Bright lights flashed on a couple of girls on the dance floor. He squinted and smiled when he caught sight of Willow grinning. He watched the other girl dance, her blond hair bouncing while she moved her hips to the beat, blue silk dancing along the small of back as she swayed.


Picking up the two beers Xander handed one to Spike and moved towards the dance floor. Spike followed while never taking his eyes off the girl who danced so provocatively. She lifted her hair away exposing her slender neck and shoulder.

Willow casually looked towards the bar and spotted Xander and Spike waving excitedly her eyes widened as Buffy turned her head.

The bottle of beer slipped from his gasp as the face that had been haunting him since he was eighteen was looking back at him.

Buffy was here.

Buffy stood motionless, her eyes fixed firmly on the man that had haunted her dreams for years. She barely registered Willow’s hand grasping hers and pulling her forward.

Her feet felt heavy as she walked slowly. Turning to Willow she looked for some sign this was a dream.

“Oh god I can’t do this Will.”

“Of course you can, I’m with you. I mean it’s only Spike right?”

Buffy looked at her friend like she had grown two heads.

“Don’t you remember what it was like in school?”

Willow grinned and wiggled her eyebrows causing Buffy to giggle.

Spike had a multitude of emotions flowing through his body. Watching her as she walked forward, she leaned into Willow and spoke. They both broke into laughter. Spike found himself smiling and frowned suddenly wanting to grab her and kiss the past away.

As she neared, her grin flew back to shock and nervousness. She suddenly felt like the teenager she left behind.


Xander nudged Spike in the back and motioned with his bottle to sit down at a nearby table. Spike ran a nervous hand through his hair.

They all sat down at the same time; each locked in their own thoughts. Buffy crossed her hands over her knees; she couldn’t look at him just yet.

Willow held her hand inwardly cringing at the atmosphere that had surrounded the table. Xander’s eyes darted to his fiancée. Pushing his chair back with a scrape he walked around the table. Buffy looked up to see her friend smiling down at her. Standing up she hugged him fiercely; she needed this little encouragement.

“I’m so happy you’re here Buffy.”

Xander released his hold on Buffy and moved away, his head tilted and pointed to the bar.

“Will, help me with some drinks would you?”

“No I’m not going, I’ll wait here.”

“I can’t carry them on my own.”

Xander mouthed to leave, Willow stole a glance towards Buffy who nodded. Squeezing her hand she stood up and walked away. She waited until they were out of sight before smacking Xander across the back as they walked to the bar.



Spike took the lame opportunity to lean forward and study the girl who sat next to him.
His eyes slowly took her in, her hair was dyed a lighter blond. Her skin now had the tanned glow from living on the coast.

When Buffy looked up intent on seeing where Willow was, her eyes caught his gaze. His bright blue eyes were looking back at her; he was still the most handsome creature she had ever seen.

Crossing one of her arms across her chest her other hand tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Can you please stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what luv.”

“Don’t call me that.” She turned her head away, to stop from crying. His pet name for her spoke straight to her heart.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered, his fingers drumming on the table.

“I’m not sure about that, I feel like I’ve made a mistake coming here.”

“Yeah there’s been a lot of those in the past.” He muttered wondering what the hell was taking Xander so long.
“Can we not do this now?” Buffy held up her hand to stop him from bringing up the most painful part of her life.

“Okay well what do you suggest we talk about?” Spike slumped back in his chair feeling defeated. He was deluding himself that this was going to be a romantic reunion. There was too much bitterness between them both.

“How about, what do you do for a living? That’s always a good ice breaker.”

“Well I’m a lawyer working in Los Angeles.”

“A lawyer huh? Sounds good what kind of lawyer?”

“Criminal mainly, it’s good work and steady. How about you?”

“I’m a doctor. After leaving Sunnydale I really didn’t know what to do with my life. I met someone who was studying medicine and he said why don’t I try it. I found myself enjoying what I was doing.”

At the mention of her leaving the town they lived in, Spike shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

She looked at him, her brows knitted in a frown that made her nose crinkle.


“So this friend of yours, you still see him?”

“Who Riley, well we see each other…..” Buffy was stopped from the conversation as Xander placed the drinks on the table.

Spike snatched his bottle and drank heavily; she was seeing someone. Why was he jealous? It’s not like she would be waiting for him.

“Is everything okay Buffy?” Willow whispered as she sat back down at her seat.

She nodded reassuring her friend everything was okay, while her stomach was churning. He sat right across from me, and all I want to do is embrace him and say sorry for running out on him.

“Buffy?”

She looked up when she heard her name being called, her eyes widened and the colour drained from her face. Her hands gripped the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white.

The other three occupants of the table turned to who was calling her name, all three visibly paled. The past had come back to haunt and bite her on the ass for good measure.

She closed her eyes and tried to block out the vision of the person she didn’t want to see, but every time she closed her eyes she couldn’t shake the image. She felt someone’s hand grasp hers, as if knowing how upsetting this would be.

Opening her eyes slowly she looked down to her hand that covered her own; looking up she saw only Spike. Time stood still as all she could see was him, but this was the reason she had toyed with the idea of coming back.

She couldn’t do this. This was a test it had to be. Her small breaths were causing little hiccups. All he could do was watch her as she had what looked like a panic attack. His jaw clenched and unclenched until he felt her hand squeeze his back.

Spike looked down in wonder. His hand firmly grasped within hers, the slight touch sending ripples of warmth through his whole body.

A shadow cast itself across the table. She sighed and looked up, fixing a smile on her face.

“Cordelia, Angel how nice to see you.”

“Do you mind if we join you?”

Not waiting for a reply, she lifted a chair from a nearby table, placed it between Xander and Spike. Seating herself, she waited for Angel to find a chair.

“Of course not.”

“Spike you’re certainly looking well, I see things never change.”

“Really I’d say things have changed, haven’t you gained a few pounds.”

Buffy turned to stifle a giggle, while a straight-faced Willow looked at Xander who had an amused look on his face.

“It may seem that way but I’m still swollen from surgery.” Noticing their hands on the table she raised an eyebrow.

“You two still together after all this time, that’s refreshing. I heard that you had run out of town Buffy.”

Buffy’s lips pressed together, a clear sign she was losing her patience. Shaking her head she opened her mouth to speak.

“Actually we are still together, how long has it been honey? In fact we’re just in town for our friends’ wedding.”

Buffy looked at Spike and then at her friends. Xander suddenly found his beer very interesting.

Fixing a bright smile, she moved her chair in closer so that her leg was touching Spike’s.

“Yep that’s right, we’ve been together since school.”

“That’s sweet. Oh is that Harmony? Nice to see you all.” Cordelia pushed her chair back causing it to scrape loudly across the floor.




Buffy tapped her foot on the floor, her whole body shaking. Picking up her drink she knocked the contents to the back of her throat.

“Bitch.” Muttering to herself she stood up and walked to the bar.

Two hours later Buffy was leaning against the bar, the empty glasses racked up in a line. Giggling to herself, she looked down the bar to see Spike, Willow, and Xander in deep conversation.

“Okay this is ridiculous. Look at her, she’s wasted. She’s obviously taking this harder than we thought.”

“What we’re you bloody thinking? You must have known how she would have reacted.”

“We didn’t think she would come if she knew you were here as well.” Xander lifted his hand for another shot of whiskey.

Spike dropped his head down and sighed loudly, turning to watch Buffy who was now waving and jumping down on the spot.

“Xander you might as well stay with Willow, I’ll take her home.”

“She’s not going to like it.”

“I know, but tonight she hasn’t got a choice.”

Fixing himself a seat next to Buffy he watched her carefully. Standing up she ordered another shot. Spike looked at the barman and mouthed to him to stop.

“Buffy come on, I’m gonna take you home.” He moved to stand up and just barely caught her in his arms.

“Spike, you’ve got strong arms. I missed those arms.” She giggled prodding his arms with her fingers.

Placing an arm around her waist, he held her upright while trying to walk out of the bar. The door opened as they wandered into the alley, Spike looked around for a cab. Trust his luck; he decided she might be better if she walked for a bit.

“Buffy luv, can you walk at all?”

“Yep no problem. I’m a professional you know.”
His arm still firmly fixed around her waist she took a tentative step forward, slipping on the pavement she sighed.

“Okay so the pavement moved, that’s not fair.”

Laughing at the predicament he found himself in, he helped her as they walked down Main Street.

They walked a few blocks when Buffy stopped and turned to face him, her eyes welled up in front of him.

“Spike I want to tell you, I found out what happened tonight with Cordy. Willow told me.”

Spike stood still and listened. He could see she was having trouble. She started to clench her fingers when she was embarrassed.

“Buffy…”

“No I need to get this off my chest. And with the whole Dutch courage thing going on I would prefer to do it now”

“When I saw you that night at the prom with Cordy, it was like my heart had just snapped. I didn’t want to face you or anyone in school. It hurt too much.”

Buffy started to pace as she let out all her feelings in the middle of the street. Her head suddenly felt clearer as all her emotions bubbled to the surface.

“God I missed you so much, I wrote you lots of letters intending on posting them. But I was so worried they would get sent back to me. About a year after, I decided to come back so I rang my mom to explain my decision and she said you had left town. So I stayed where I was. Every time I rang Will or Xander they would mention your name and it was like my heart just couldn’t take it.”



Spike stepped forward his hand firmly fixed at his side. She held her hand up to stop him from moving closer.

“I know now how stupid it was for me to leave, but it had seemed right at the time so for that I’m sorry.”

She lowered her head finally relieved she had told him, maybe now they could get on with their lives.

“Buffy, I think if we had just talked about it. But I wasted my time and didn’t call you till a couple of days later.”

She put a finger to his lips to stop him, shaking her head, her blond hair bouncing around her shoulders.

“There’s nothing there anymore, I just wanted you to know.”

Spike brow’s knitted together in annoyance, grabbing her upper arms he pulled her close. Breathing heavily he leaned forward his lips almost covering hers.

“Are you honestly sure there is nothing there?”

His warm breath danced along her lips, causing a shiver to course along her back. Her eyes grew dark while his lips barely touched her throat.

“Positive.” She swallowed loudly, her hands itching to wrap themselves around his neck and pull him closer.

Lifting his head he gazed at her soft lips. Buffy looked at him. She knew it now; she was still madly in love with him.

She didn’t see the movement coming until it was too late. All coherent thoughts were lost as his lips pressed against hers.

His hands slowly moved from her arms and positioned themselves around her back pulling her closer; his tongue darted out and licked her bottom lip.

Buffy moaned, her lips parting allowing his tongue to gain access. Her hips shifted as her hands played with the hair on the back of his neck.

Neither knew who broke the kiss first, both needing the air to breathe. Buffy stepped back afraid she would fall back into his arms.

“Buffy…”

“I-I’m sorry.” She ran her hand through her hair trying to gain some semblance of the situation.


“Why are you sorry? Am I that repulsive to you?”

Buffy’s head snapped up watching the anger dance over his features, biting her lower lip she sighed.

“What? No of course not. But you have to admit this is so wrong on so many levels.”

“How so?”

“Well there’s just too much history between us… not all of it good. And it would just never work out.”

“What happened to the girl I fell in love with all those years ago, she would never give up on anything. “

Buffy could feel the tears prick her eyes. She couldn’t cry in front of him. Rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, she turned her head.

“That girl is long gone and she isn’t ever coming back.” Spike grabbed her arm as she turned to walk away.

Spike noticed a couple walking past looking over at the heated debate between them. Pulling on her arm, he pulled her down the street and round the corner into an alley.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she hissed.


“Proving you wrong.”

His arm snaked around her waist and pulled her forward causing her to gasp. All she could do was look at his mouth. Pushing her back against the wall of the alley, Spike thrust himself forward capturing her lips.

Buffy didn’t have time to listen to the thoughts in her head telling her that this was wrong, all she could feel was Spike surrounding her. Her eyes snapped open when she felt his groin pushing against her stomach.

His lips left her mouth and trailed kisses across her cheek, moving slowly down her throat.

“You see what you do to me?” He whispered continuing his onslaught of her throat.


His hands left her arms and moved towards her hips. He lifted Buffy back up against the wall.

He looked into the green depths he loved so much and expected to see denial. All he saw was lust, passion and something else.

Buffy couldn’t take his intense gaze much longer, grabbing his wrist she pushed it underneath her dress towards her centre.

Spike opened his mouth to speak but no words would come forth. Pulling at the scrap of material he removed it with quick ease.

Buffy moaned and thrashed in the dark alley while his fingers moved within her with urgency. Gasping in the air, she moved her arm above her head and placed her palm flat on the brick.

“Oh god,” her warm breath danced along Spike’s face causing him to shiver in the California air.

His lips attacked her with such ferocity and passion he was sure they would surely be bruised.

Their tongues battled with each other trying to dominate. Buffy sucked on his tongue causing his eyes to roll back. The build up in her stomach was heavy, rising from the depths and exploding from her throat.

Their eyes met as she came down from the explicit feeling between her legs; releasing her hold on his wrist she found his belt buckle.

“Buffy, you know after this there’s no going back?”

She didn’t answer him she couldn’t. She didn’t want to think of that now. All she knew was that she needed him. She pulled on his zip, his erection bursting from the material. Grabbing the shaft, she motioned forward with her hand.

Finding her centre he thrust forward. She tensed as he stilled. Moving on her own she pushed down.

Spike’s breath caught in his throat, she was surely affecting him far more than she thought. He was fighting a multitude of feelings. Love, passion all the things he knew were what Buffy was all about.

Spike thrust forward pushing deeper within her. His tongue darted out and licked the satin material over her nipple. Her internal muscles squeezed him hard and he was sure it would be the death of him.

“Do you like that baby? Do you like what I do to you?”

Kissing her earlobe his lips moved down to her collarbone. He remembered some of the places she liked to be touched.

He lifted his lips and watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, stilling his thrusts to a slow steady pace.

“Buffy, look at me.”

She reluctantly lifted her lids to see Spike staring right at her, shuddering as his pace quickened.

“Buffy, tell me what you want?”

“I-I.”

“Uh, huh?”

“God help me Spike I want you.” Spike pushed upward as she pushed down meeting in ferocious thrusts.

“Do you want me baby? Say it.”

Buffy’s body was repeatedly slammed into the wall, her breath being forced out of her body.

“I want you, Spike….oh god.”

“I knew it would be like this, feels so good… you’re so wet for me baby.”

Her head fell forward resting on his shoulder as they matched each other. Her hands cupped his face as she pressed her lips to his. His incoherent babbling was taken from his mouth by her tongue.

She broke the kiss as her climax came with a vengeance. Spike thrust deeper and faster, his voice sounding hoarse in the blackened alley.

His head leaned against her slicked skin attentively placing soft kisses on her shoulder.

Lifting his head he kissed her nose, her forehead crinkling in the way he loved so much. He lowered her to the ground and caught her as she lost her balance.

“Okay I wasn’t meant to lose the use of my legs.”

“I don’t know luv, it was pretty knee trembling experience.”


Rolling her eyes she turned around to retrieve her purse from the floor. Spike took the advantage and leaned over and grabbed her from behind his cheek resting on her back.

“God I love you so much.”

The words left his mouth before he chance to test the waters, she stood up abruptly and stared.
The silence was broken by Buffy’s spinning on her heels and running out of the alley, Spike clenched his teeth and hurriedly fastened his trousers tearing out the alleyway like a bat out of hell.

Buffy ran blindly down the street, the tears spilling down her face. From the moment she saw him in the club she knew it was a bad idea coming back.

“What have I done?” her mind screamed.


She heard Spike shouting her name and panicking she ran across the road. The car swerved missing Buffy and screeching to a halt.

Spike watched in horror as she ran across the road. Sprinting across the road he grabbed Buffy by her upper arms and shook her from her trance.

“What is wrong with you? You almost got yourself killed.”

She glanced at his face and noticed his cheeks were red and his eyes glazed with tears. Unable to keep her emotions in check she broke down.

Spike’s arms enveloped themselves around her pulling her close, his cheek resting on the top of her head.

“I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you Buffy.”

Buffy bit her lip anxiously, her eyes closed for a moment while he placed a kiss on her head.

“Can I do this? What if this was meant to happen?

Releasing herself from his embrace, she hugged herself. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she glanced at him.

“I was so afraid coming back here, so many memories. And when you said those words in the alley I had to run, because if I had stayed I wouldn’t have the strength to say no.”

Spike held his breath afraid he would interrupt and ruin the moment. He held her gaze their eyes locking.

“You know what the sad thing is? I wanted you to come and find me after I left.”

Spike lowered his head, his hand massaging the back of his neck.

“I went to see your mum after you had gone, she told me that you were living in L.A and you didn’t want to be contacted. I didn’t listen so I went to find you once. I spent the whole weekend, even took Xander with me.”


“You did?”

“Yeah. Didn’t find you of course, broke my heart coming back without you.”

Buffy’s head snapped up, her eyes wide watching as the pain crossed his features. He looked for her. She took a step forward and bit her lip; her fingers itched to touch him.

Spike looked down at his hand that was now encased within her warm touch, a small smile danced on her lips.

“Let’s get out of here.”


The walk home was met in comfortable silence; Buffy glanced at Spike as he pulled a cigarette out of the packet with one hand.

His other hand still clasped their fingers intertwined; the cigarette glowed in the night as he inhaled deeply.

“When did you start smoking?”

“Huh? I’ve been smoking for years.”

He wasn’t about to tell her his nerves couldn’t take it and he begun smoking when she left.

Spike turned the key in the lock to Xander’s apartment, pushing the door open. Searching for the light switch he fumbled and tripped over something.

Buffy quickly found the switch and flicked it upwards to see Spike sprawled in a heap on the floor, muttering to himself. Buffy clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle the bubble of laughter that had erupted from her throat.

Spike suddenly forgot about Xander’s over grown golf bag and looked up to see Buffy’s face. Suddenly forgetting his embarrassment, he grinned in her response.

“Yeah yeah, make fun of the guy on the floor with a sore arse.”

That only contributed to Buffy laughing even more, holding on to her side as tears trickled from the corner of eyes.

Spike jumped up and ran to her, tickling her sides. Both of them were laughing until they couldn’t breathe.

Buffy waited for him to kiss her until he pulled away and stepped back, her brow crinkled in confusion as he turned from her.

“Do you want a drink?”

Not waiting for an answer he went to the kitchen. He stood by the refrigerator thankful there was a cool breeze calming his heated body.

Buffy followed him into the kitchen and leaned against the wall, folding her arms across her chest.

“Did we just have a moment in there?”

Spike un-screwed the bottle of whiskey and poured two glasses. Handing one to Buffy he tipped the glass and swallowed the contents allowing the burn to caress his throat.

“I don’t want to push you Buffy, I know you’ve had a lot to deal with and tonight has brought everything back…”

Buffy quickly walked to him placing her glass on the table; taking a deep breath she held her hand to his lips.

“Can we just focus on what’s going on here?”

She motioned the space between them with a wave of her hand. He didn’t have time to focus he was only aware of her lips on his.

His hands touched every part of her body like it was his last, whispering and placing kisses across her jaw.



Spike flung his arm across the table knocking the glasses to the floor, the glass smashing into small pieces. He lifted his knee on the table to get closer. He knew Xander would be pissed if he broke the table.

Moving from the table he stood upright lifting her upwards into his hands. He pushed her against the wall, her tongue trailing along his lip.

“What is it with you and walls?”

Grinning he kissed her softly and carried her, moving towards the bedroom. He opened the door with a grunt, Buffy’s lips attacking his mouth making it difficult. If he didn’t get in the room soon he would just shag her right in the corridor. Placing her on her feet he kicked the door behind him.


Buffy suddenly grew nervous backing away from him. She scooted backwards on the bed, her head banging against the headboard. Frowning she rubbed the back of her head.

“Oh baby did that hurt?”

“Uh huh.”

Spike reached and rubbed the spot where she had injured herself, quickly moving to her shoulders.

She turned towards him and lifted her hand to touch his cheeks, he leaned into her touch his eyes closing.

Her hand softly moved from his cheek to his hair and back down, her thumb dancing over his lips.

She replaced her thumb with her lips applying soft pressure; her hands grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her as she lay back.

His hands slipped underneath her dress to caress her legs, pushing the satin material up her body and over her head. With her dress suddenly thrown in the corner of the room, she sat up and moved to slowly un-button his shirt.

Resting on his knees, he grasped her hips and pulled her forward against his. Leaning over he licked and kissed her breasts giving them both lavish attention.

His tongue circled around her nipple, making it difficult for Buffy to breath. She placed a hand to push him back.

Suddenly flipping him so that they had switched places, she rocked her hips against his picking up the pace.

Spike couldn’t do anything but hold on for dear life, his hands pinching the skin on her hips which only made her moan louder.

“Buffy, oh bloody fucking hell.”

Buffy giggled as he continued to mutter obscenities, every time her body convulsed in laughter the vibrations shook him.

“You like that I do this to you, that I can make you shiver?” Whispering into his ear he groaned, his tongue licking his lips.

“You know I do you saucy thing.”

“How about when I take you inside me and ride you like a bucking bronco?”

“Is that the dirtiest you can be?” He gritted back.

Her hips moved faster hitting a certain spot that made her bite her bottom lip and close her eyes.

“Why don’t you fuck me hard, hard enough that I will explode. You know how wet I am baby, I bet you can taste it. Do you wanna taste it?”

Her voice took on such a dirty tone that he didn’t think possible, he moved from her much to annoyance and flipped her on her knees.

Entering her from behind he pushed hard, she braced her hands on the bed and leant forward. From the new angle he picked up the pace. Lifting his hand he slapped her ass, grinning as her skin turned pink.
He could hear her panting, her internal muscles squeezing, knowing she was almost there. Lifting her slightly he quickened his thrusts.

Buffy’s breasts felt heavy as he continued to push from behind, the deep feeling burst from her stomach and out into the room.

Spike soon followed, his hips slowly rocking while he came down from his high. He pulled her towards him and waited for his heartbeat to calm down.

Buffy closed her eyes feeling fully sated; turning so that she faced Spike she rested her head on his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart.

She slowly opened her eyes to see Spike asleep; smiling to herself she kissed his chest. Her hand settled across his stomach, his arms tightening in response.

“I love you.”

The whispered words escaped from her lips as sleep took her away.

Spike’s heart was sure to burst, smiling he pulled her closer vowing never to let her slip from his fingers again.