Disclamier - I do not own the story (Honk if you love a real man, Reno's chance) by Lora Leigh, I'm simply just useing her idea, but her story in no way belongs to me. She just inspires me.


She really, really didn't want to go, and even though she promised Cordy she would, she still wanted to come up with some excuse not to. How come every time things started going normal in Buffy's life, something hectic had to happen? Was this a sign or something, telling her that she couldn't just forget and move on?

Stupid Spike Giles had to come running back into her life, and since he was Cordy's brother, she didn't have a choice if she was around him or not. It's not like she had to stay away from Cordy just because her brother was back in town, right?

It all started when Buffy moved from L.A. to Sunnydale, California. Cordelia was the first person Buffy became friends with. The two had many things in common when they first started talking. Then, one day, something, or more specifically someone, came that made Buffy who she was today. Spike.

He came to walk Cordy home from school, and that was when Buffy first saw him and knew that he was the man she was going to marry. She had it all planned out, from the colors to the flowers.

"Yeah, that was until he decided to leave and break your heart," Buffy whispered as she checked herself over in her mirror.

Tonight was the opening of Cordy's club, and Cordy wouldn't take no for an answer. Buffy thought about making up an excuse, but she knew that the minute she said anything to Cordy, she would know exactly why, and there would be many hours of explaining to do.

A few hours later…

"Well, we sure are looking sexy tonight," Spike said as he let his eyes roam over Buffy's body.

She rolled her eyes and turned to face the man she'd been dreading to see for the last six months.

"Hello, Spike," Buffy said calmly.

"Hello, love, how are we doing tonight?" Spike asked her as he walked closer to her to give her a hug.

Buffy smiled and opened her arms for him to hug her. Feeling the muscles under her fingers twitch made her shiver.

I wonder if that body is as hot as it used to be, Buffy thought to herself as she finally let her eyes roam over his body. Noticing that Spike was staring at her with one eyebrow raised, she blushed.

"What?" Buffy questioned, trying to play the innocent type.

"You know, sweets, if you're gonna look, don't try and hide it because you're not very good at being sneaky," Spike said as he licked his lips and let his gaze travel over her breasts.

"God, Spike, were you always this evil?” Buffy asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to cover it.

Spike stepped closer to her until they were nose-to-nose and noticed Buffy's breathing become heavier as he looked at her for a few minutes with silence before replying in a husky tone, "What can I say, baby? I've always been bad."

Buffy closed her eyes and breathed deep through her nose, becoming intoxicated with his scent- the mix of whiskey and spice had her mouth watering. Suddenly remembering that she was supposed to be pissed with him, she pushed at his chest hard, almost knocking him on his ass.

"No, Spike, you don't get to do this again," Buffy said in a tight tone as she started to call a cab from her cell.

Spike rolled his eyes and replied, "I wasn't even thinking it, Buffy. I was just coming here to ask you a question."

"What?"

Spike smacked his lips together and answered her, hoping her answer would be yes. "Well, you see, I went home, but it seems as though my bed is occupied for the night, and I'm not gonna throw Cordy out of hers just so I can hear her bitch. So, do you maybe have a spare bed I can use to crash on for awhile?" Spike asked as he downed another of whiskey.

Buffy felt bad for him- she couldn't just leave him alone his whole trip, could she?

"Yes, Spike, you can stay with me for awhile, but no funny business, got it?" Buffy joked as she turned off her cell phone.

Spike stood up straight and replied, "Yes, ma'am."

Buffy giggled a little as Spike led her to his truck.

*

By the time they reached the house, Buffy was shaking with excitement and fear. This was her teenage crush, the guy who never noticed her until she hit puberty and started chasing after her heart. Why the hell was she letting him stay with her in her house? He broke her heart, and now he thought that he could just come back into town, into her home, and sweep her off her feet?

Flashback

"Spike, you don't have to do this," Buffy said as she grasped his hands tighter in hers.

Spike smiled a little as he realized how hard Buffy was trying to hang on to him. He had to leave, get away for a little while, experience other things. Even though he knew he would miss Buffy, he had to make sure she was the one he was meant to be with.

"Buffy, I love you, and I will be back for you," Spike replied as he cupped her cheek in his hand.

Buffy let a tiny sob escape her throat and said, "I won't wait for you."

End flashback

She grasped the knob in her hand and turned it tightly as the door pushed open. The house was nice and warm, with a low light making the interior seem richer. Her hands slightly shook as she put them behind her, hoping Spike wouldn't notice.

*

"Well, here we are. The guest room is the second door on the left, if you wanna go ahead and hit the sack," Buffy said as she moved past him. "Goodnight."

Spike smirked and grabbed her elbow, pulling her towards him until her breasts were smashed against his hard chest. "Well then, love, what kind of goodnight is that?" Spike asked as he watched her eyes go wide with surprise ."Where's my goodnight kiss?" Spike asked her again, this time letting his eyes look at her lips as she poked her tongue out to wet her bottom one.

Buffy felt herself giving into him, and he slowly dipped his head, catching her lips with his and hearing the moan that escaped her. His arms wrapped around her tight little body as if he were afraid she was gong to disappear.

“Spike," Buffy whispered against his lips as he started to place open-mouth wet kisses down her neck.

"God, Buffy, I want you so much," Spike said as he let his hand explore her bare back.

This made Buffy realize that what she was doing was very, very wrong. She wasn't about to let Spike win this game when she knew how he acted. If he wanted her so badly, then he shouldn't have left her.

Buffy pushed him away for the second time in one night and ran up the stairs, straight into her bedroom, and slammed the door as she got in.

Spike was left standing there as all of this passed by in a blur, the surprised look washing off his face and being replaced with a stern one.

"We'll be happy again, Buffy, I promise," Spike said to himself as he followed her path up the stairs.

Disclamier - The song belongs to Journey.



"You do realize this is all your fault, right?" Buffy asked quietly as she talked to Cordelia on the phone.

Buffy was pacing back and forth in her room, trying to figure out what to do. She wasn't going to leave her room- that was for damn sure. She knew the minute she walked out of her room, Spike would be demanding to know what had happened and why she walked away from him.

"My fault? Buffy, I didn't do anything but invite him to my club. It's not like I made you open your mouth and invite him to stay the night. I mean, hello! Buffy, what the hell were you thinking? You know the guy is head-over-heels in love with you," Cordy said a bit too loudly.

"No, he's not, Cordy. It's just lust, nothing but lust. No way is there any love involved in our relationship,” Buffy replied, her eyes widening when she realized that she had said the one word that caught Cordy's attention.

"Relationship, huh?" Cordy asked, a knowing smirk on her face.

Buffy rolled her eyes and replied with irriatation, "No, Cordy, we do not have a relationship. You know what I meant, so don't go and start to use your little mind games on me because they won't work."

"What mind games? Who said I was using any mind games? I'm simply trying to help my best friend and my older brother find love again," Cordy said in an innocent tone, as if she was denying the whole thing.

Buffy stomped her foot. "I so knew it! You are trying to get me and your brother back together," Buffy whispered in rage.

"I am not, Buffy, I promise," Cordy said into the phone as she crossed her fingers.

"Then what's with the whole 'find love' thing?" Buffy asked as she sat down on her bed.

Cordy paused for a moment, trying to come up with an excuse.

"Well, who said that love had anything to do with you or Spike?" Cordy retorted.

Before Buffy had a chance to respond, the brunette had hung up on her.

"I am so going to kill her," Buffy said as she gripped the phone tightly in her hand.

Walking over to her door to peek and see if maybe Spike was sleeping so she could use the bathroom, she opened her door a little and poked her head out. When she did, she noticed a white piece of paper taped to her door. Curious, she grabbed it and read what it said.

Buffy -

I'm sorry, love, if I in any way made you believe that I was just here to go after your body. Because I'm not, Buffy- I truly did miss you, and I'm hoping that you'll give me the chance to talk. Please meet me in the kitchen for a surprise. If you don't, I'll understand completely.

Spike

Flashback

“Buffy, I have something to tell you," Spike said as he lay in his bed, Buffy cuddled to his chest.

Buffy looked up at him and smiled lovingly.

"Yeah, baby?"

Spike gulped and replied, "I'm leaving."

End flashback

Buffy didn't know how or why she was walking towards the kitchen suddenly. All she knew was that she needed to give Spike a chance to explain himself before she jumped all over him and blamed him for something when she had no idea why he did it.

When she reached the kitchen, she was in awe as she saw what Spike put together. In her dining room, there was a table set for two with a lit candle in the middle and a white tulip in a vase.

It wasn't perfect, but it was something, and this little something was helping Buffy.

Spike walked up behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt Buffy tense and gently kissed her neck, saying, "Relax, baby."

Buffy let her shoulders sag, and Spike smiled.

"How did you do this, Spike?" Buffy asked as she turned in his arms, a soft smile on her face.

Spike didn't say anything- he simply left her arms to go and turn on the CD player that was in her kitchen.

Every time is like the first time tenderly
Loving you is like breathing spring
Seasons change but your heart beats constantly
Count my blessing every day as you love me
As the sunset disappears across the northern sky
You look for forever in my eyes
All I can say, long as I have a voice
I'll thank God above that I was your first choice

"Now now, love- you know better than to ask me that. I have to keep some secrets to keep sweeping you off your feet, right?" Spike asked as he held his hand out for her to take.

Buffy smiled shyly and took Spike's offered hand. Gently pulling her into the open space of her dining room, he wrapped one arm tightly around her waist while the other took her soft hand in his.

If I should die before I wake
I'll go into the night whispering your name
If lying in your arms is the last thing that I do
At least I know that I'll be loved by you

In about a hundred years from now
When all of my love letters are found
And someone reads these words I've written only meant for you
They'll know how forever came true...

Buffy let the words of the song overcome her. She buried her head in the crook of Spike's neck and stayed there, feeling him kiss the top of her head.

Let the years roll on by
These are the best times of my life
I'll just smile when my days are through

Knowing that I've been loved by you

At least I'll know that I was loved by you

"I never stopped loving you, Buffy," Spike said as he let her go for a minute to cup both of her cheeks in his hands.

"I know," Buffy replied as a few tears rolled down her cheeks.

Spike kissed away her tears, wishing they'd stop but knowing she had to release the emotional stuff from her mind.

Buffy breathed in deep and stepped away from Spike, seeing his confused _expression, and quickly said, "We have to talk about that day, Spike.

If I should die before I wake
I'll go into the night whispering your name
If lying in your arms is the last thing that I do
At least I know that I'll be loved by you

In about a hundred years from now
When all of my love letters are found
And someone reads these words I've written only meant for you
They'll know how forever came true...

Disclamier - I used a line from the episode beneath you, You'll know when you see it. It was writtin by, Douglas Petrie.


"We have to talk about this, Spike," Buffy said as she planted her hands on her hips and looked him straight in the eyes.

Spike didn't want to look up at her and see shame in her eyes. That was something he knew he couldn't handle. He couldn't say he deserved anything more than her shame, though. He knew exactly what he was doing when he left her a year ago, but if he would have known what he had back then like he knew now, he wouldn't even have a second thought in leaving.

"Look, love, I can't say I'm sorry. I can't use forgive me. All I can say is, Buffy, I've changed," Spike said as he finally looked up at her with adoration in his eyes.

Buffy paused for a moment and then replied, "I believe you, Spike."

Spike smiled. "Well, then that's a start, right?" Spike asked.

"I just don't know what you've changed into," Buffy replied with a straight face as she watched Spike lower his head once again. "You poke your head in here once in a while to see if anything amusing is going on, and then you leave without a second's glance," Buffy finished, her voice slightly raising at the end.

Spike finally moved from his spot and took out a fag to light up, which only made Buffy even more pissed off than what she already was.

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy asked as she watched Spike take another drag.

"Well, I figured since this was gonna be one of our many long talks, I might as well light up a fag, as you can see, so why don't we just get on with the other questions, or do I have to hear you complain about my smoking, too?" Spike asked coldly.

Buffy clenched her jaw, moved to turn towards her stairs, and started to stomp up them one by one. He was pissing her off, and she didn't think she could be in the room any longer with him.

"Buffy, sweetheart, please stop. You know I was just playing around with you," Spike said as he got rid of his cigarette and called after Buffy as she went up the stairs.

"Fuck off, Spike. I'm done with your mind games. When you decide to grow up, then you can come talk to me," Buffy yelled at him as she went up the last step to go to her room.

Spike decided to let go of it for the time being and give her the air he knew she needed. Why was it that he always said the wrong thing at the wrong time? Buffy was his girl. Or so he thought. Maybe this was it for them, maybe they were over. Maybe this was the one thing they weren't going to be able to handle in their relationship.

Wait a minute - did they even have a relationship?

************************************************************************************

He did wait for awhile, though, and even decided to go out for a drink to clear his head of her, but it wasn't working. He planned on sweeping her off her feet tonight, but nothing ever seemed to go as planned. He used to remember when she was a freshman in high school. All he had to do was wink, and she would have been putty in his hands, but it wasn't like that anymore. She was a woman, and a strong one at that.

Flashback

Buffy held Spike's hand as they sat together at the L.A. airport, waiting for Spike's flight to board. He felt Buffy slightly trembling and pulled her closer to his chest. She was stiff as he did it, though. It was like she wanted to be mad at him. Scream, yell, something, but she couldn't bring herself to. She didn't want their last time together to be a regret, so she decided to keep her mouth closed.

"Buffy, love, I know you probably hate me right now, but this is something that I have to do," Spike said as he rubbed small circles on her back.

Buffy felt tears come to her eyes but blinked them away. She didn't want him to think she went there to make him stay. If he really loved her, then that would be enough of a reason for him to want to stay.

"Don't even try to explain yourself, William Giles. There is no way you are getting yourself out of this one," Buffy said in a cold tone, which made Spike flinch.

Instead of talking, he just held her tighter against him, wanting to be able to feel her again, to know her touch.

Buffy pushed him away, though, but this didn't confuse Spike at all. He knew that Buffy had every right to be mad at him, but he felt he was doing what was best. If they didn't get some time apart, then there was no way they were going to go anywhere else in their relationship.

"Spike, I need to know one thing before you get on that plane," Buffy murmured as she looked him right in the eyes with seriousness.

"Yeah, love?" Spike asked as he tilted his head to the side, which made Buffy melt.

"Why are you doing this?" Buffy asked him in a whisper, trying not to choke. "Am I not enough for you? I mean, come on, Spike - we were all with the happy, and then you all of a sudden decide you wanna leave for some reason? So, what is it?" Buffy asked, this time not bothering to hide her tears.

Spike didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, which only made Buffy more upset.

"I deserve an explanation, Spike!" Buffy practically shouted at him.

"I know, Buffy, but I'm still trying to figure all of this out in my head," Spike said, a little bit too cold. His features softened as he saw Buffy's bottom lip tremble.

He gently grabbed her clenched fist and explained, "Sweetheart, first of all, it's not that you're not enough because believe me, you are." Spike smiled a little as Buffy finally turned her head to look at him. "I just think that we need to take a break so we can make sure that I'm what you really want and that you're what I want, too."

Buffy closed her eyes tightly. "Why are you telling me this, Spike?” Buffy asked with a disgusted look on her face "You know what you're saying, right?" Buffy kept on asking him.

"Yes, love," Spike tried to say before Buffy cut him off.

"Really? Because I get the feeling you don't," Buffy said as she stood up, along with Spike. "I mean, basically what you're telling me is while I'm here, getting ready for college, you wanna be somewhere else, getting your kicks. Or is it that you just wanna be free? You know, without anything holding you back?" Buffy finished noticing the little old couple on the other side of them, staring at them, but not at the moment giving a damn.

"You know as well as I know that it's not like that, Buffy," Spike said as he grabbed her by her upper arm so she couldn't run away.

"You're right, Spike. I know it's not like that, but the words that come out of your mouth are telling me a completely different story," Buffy said as she ripped her arm out of Spike's grasp and sat back down in her chair.

Spike rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw but sat down, just like she had.

"You know, Buffy, maybe if you wouldn't jump to conclusions and start putting words in my mouth, we could actually talk about this," Spike said as he turned towards her a little in his seat.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and replied, "What the hell did you expect, Spike? My boyfriend is leaving me so he can be alone and see new things or do new things, or better yet, do somebody new," Buffy said as she threw her hands in the air in frustration.

Spike huffed. "Please, Buffy, can we just get along for one minute so we at least didn't waste this whole day together?" Spike asked as he tried to steal a kiss, only to have Buffy turn her head on him.

"Spike, I'm only gonna say this one more time. Please do not leave," Buffy pleaded as she grabbed one of his hands.

Spike didn't say anything once again, which gave Buffy her answer.

"Well then, Spike, I guess this is it." Buffy felt a tear slip down her cheek.

Spike looked at her.

"Goodbye, Spike. I hope you have a nice time," Buffy said as she got up to leave, only to have Spike grab her.

"Don't do it like this, Buffy," Spike replied.

Buffy looked down at him and said, "I'm not - you are."

End Flashback



A/N - For those of you waiting for an update on, Beautiful Disaster. There will be one soon so just hang on a little bit longer.