Calling (1/?)

“Dawn … Dawn are you here!”

“Dawn, I’m back and even visible in all that,” Buffy yelled as she closed the door. There was no answer; the house was quiet.

“Dawnie, I’m sorry about earlier. I know I kinda freaked you out. Do you forgive me?”

“Ok, don’t talk to me I’m too tired for this and ways,” Buffy bitched to herself as she scanned the fridge for something to eat. As she looked up she saw a note from Dawn:

Dear Buffy,
I went to Janice’s for the night .Where
they don’t mind having me around!
See ya tomorrow, maybe.
Dawn

“Fine!!” Buffy yelled at the top of if you like them better then just move in there!”

“Arrgg… to tired to care anyways.” Buffy left the kitchen and started for the stairs.
On her way out of the room, she saw the answering machine blinking.

“Oh, what now,” she mumbled.

“Buffy, Buffy are you there!” The voice sounded like …like Angel’s. “Call me when you get this message …it important, please call…. Soon.”

Angel. No it wasn’t Angel. Could it be?’ she thought as she pushed the play button again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello, Angel Investigations …..”

“Cordy?”

“Buffy, Is that you?” Cordy answered.

“Yeah, is everything ok? I mean Angel called me and he sounded kinda…different.” Buffy asked nervously.

“Everything’s fine! Angel just wanted you to hear the good news first!” Cordy happily replied.

“What good news?” Buffy ask, but Cordy was too busy yelling for Angel to hear here. “Angel…. It’s Buffy!”

A minute later, “Buffy?” Angel answered.

“Angel. What …. Why ….I mean you … you called?”

“Buffy, I didn’t mean to worry you. I just wanted to tell you the good news.”

“What news?” Buffy said calmly. “What Good News?” she restated.

After a moment of silence Angel responded “Buffy… I... um... I have a son.”

At the other end of the phone Buffy’s mouth just hung open in utter shock. Her mind was racing but she was unable to speak.

“Buffy are you there?”

“Angel, you have a what?” she asked, still not quite sure she had heard him right.

“I have a son! His name is Connor,” Angel proudly answered. “And I want you to meet him.”

Buffy’s mind was still spinning. “When? …. How? …..Who’s the mother?” she asked as a stab of jealousy shocked her.

“After your mother died. Well after I saw you. I came back and …I’m not quite sure how it all happened. I know that we aren’t suppose to have kids but so how … some way …I guess it was the prophecy….and it’s Darla,” Angel finally took an unneeded breath.

There was an eerie silence on both ends of the phone for several long minutes.

Angel finally spoke “Buffy are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m still here. I’m just confused about … who did you say was… the mother?” It finally registered what Angel had just said.

“Did you say Darla?!”

Buffy was really angry, so angry she was glad that he was in L.A. and she was in Sunnydale…well maybe that was still too close . Maybe moving to Siberia would be too close.

“Yes, Buffy I said Darla.” Angel said, remorse thick in his voice. “Please, don’t be mad at me.”

“I can’t ….I just can’t …not right now!” Buffy replied, sobbing, as she hung up the phone. She was still in shock over the whole phone conversation. Falling to her knees she knelt on the floor and cried.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was still on the floor when Willow arrived home.

“Buffy, Dawnie, are you here?” Willow called out.

Waiting for an answer, Willow heard something in the kitchen. As she moved slowly to towards the room it became more apparent that it was Buffy crying. “Buffy, are you ok? What is wrong? Is it Dawn? Are you ok?” Willow just kept babbling on.

Buffy had almost stopped crying by the time her friend came though the door. “No, nothings wrong, Will. Dawn’s at Janice’s house tonight.” She replied wiping her red rimmed eyes. “It’s … it’s Angel.”

“Is he all right?”

Holding back the waterfall welling up inside of her, she managed to tell Willow everything, about the phone call…Connor, Angel and even Darla.

Willow was now in compete shock also. “You mean…Angel and Darla …. Connor is their son?” Willow sunk down the side of the cabinet and sat next to Buffy.

Buffy leaned over, resting her head on Willow’s shoulder. They sat there in silence, nether of them knowing what to say.

Finally Willow found the courage to speak. “Buffy are you ok? I mean are you ok with all of it?”

“No.” Buffy muttered.

“You still love him. You wish it could’ve been you and Angel that had Connor…. not that bitch Darla.”

“No. I just don’t want to be all alone any more. I don’t want to grow old without having someone to share my life, my dreams with.”

Willow put her arms around her best friend and squeezed. “Buffy, you’ll never be alone; you have Dawnie, me and the rest of the Scoobies.”

As Buffy stood up, her knees felt like Jell-O, but she couldn’t sit there any longer, she had to get away. Away from the miserable life she lived. “I got to ...to go ….kill something,” Buffy grumbled as she picked up her jacket and a few stakes from the counter, storming out.

Willow thought about trying to stop her but thought better of it, Buffy had always dealt with things like this on her own. She sighed.


Dreams (2/?)

“Just can’t get enough, could ya, pet?”

“Spike go a way, far away!” Buffy snapped.

“Go away? I live here.”

“SO!” Buffy snapped again.

“What’s ya’re deal, Slayer? First you don’t want me, then you do and now you don’t again,” Spike yells with hand flailing around. “I just don’t get ya, Slayer! You’re bloody nuts. You know that, pet?”

Buffy burst in to tears. Once again she dropped to her knees, this time right on top of a newly dug grave.

“What’s wrong, luv,” Spike asked, his voice much more gentle and calm than it had been just a moment before. Forgetting what he was so mad about, he walked over to her and stoked the back of her head.

“It’s…it’s just … just my … my … my life…” Buffy mumbled out in between the tears.

“What’s so wrong with yer life?”

“What’s right with it?” Buffy answered, trying to regain her composure as she looked up at Spike.

Taking a good look at her, Spike realized she’d been crying for a while. Her face had lines where her mascara had run down, her eyes were bloodshot and swollen.

“Luv, what got ya so worked up?” he questioned moving her head up to his level. As he looked into her eyes, he saw all her pained emotions.

“Sorry,” was all he could say.

“For what?” Buffy questioned as she studied his face, trying to find an answer to her own question.

“For yellin’ at ya the way I did. What’s wrong? Something happened to Bit?”

“No, Dawn is fine. It’s Angel.” Buffy whispered.

“Angel! What did he do? I swear I’ll kill him if he did anything to hurt her. I’ll kill him, I mean it.”

“No. He did nothing, just called. I just can’t deal with it. Not right now. Just not now!” Buffy sobbed dropping her head once again.

Spike desperately wanted to know more but he could see it was too painful for her to talk about. Lifting her in his arms he carried her limp body back to his place.

She was practically lifeless in his arms. All she could manage was to wrap her arms around his neck and lie her head on his chest, she’d had enough.

*****

Entering the crypt, Spike looked down at the now sleeping Slayer. “Night, Pet,” he murmured, continuing down the stairs to lay her gently on his bed. Waiting only a moment to make she was a sleep, he made his way backup the stairs and out to the nearest pay phone.

“Hello?”

“Willow, It’s Spike. Buffy’s …err ….Buffy’s at my crypt.” Pausing, he took a deep breath before continuing, “She’s very ….Well, she was very upset, and she fell asleep there.” Spike was nervous about her reaction.

“Spike… is she …I mean, Buffy’s ok, right?” Willow nervously asked.

“She’s fine, Red. Sleeping. When she wakes up, maybe then I can find out what made her go so bloody nuts.”

“Good. I mean it’s good that Buffy’s ok, not the nuts part, cause you know that’s never good.” The witch babbled nervously. “Umm….Buffy kinda lost it when Angel called.”

“That’s the second bloody time tonight I’ve heard Peaches’s name. What in hell did he do to her now?”

That name in the same sentence as his slayer’s made Spike’s temper rage. He knew whatever it was, it had to be pretty bad for Buffy to get that emotional.

“He called.”

Spike snorted, “Already figured that one out, luv. Tell me something I don’t know. Like why in the bleedin’ hell he did. To get her panties in a twist?”

“Connor!” In one simple word, Willow tried to tell him everything.

“Who’s Connor?”

“Connor is …umm.. well he’s Angel’s son.”

“His what?” Spike was in shock at what Willow had just said. Angel can’t. No vampire to his knowledge had or could ever have children. It must be a mistake, he thought, as the words his son rang in his ears.

“Angel has a son. His name is Connor.” Willow repeated herself slowly to the vampire on the other end. “He called earlier to tell Buffy the ‘good news’,” she added rather sarcastically, annoyed at Angel for having to call when Buffy was already having a hard time with things.

With a sigh, she added, “Well, good news for him, but not the best time to tell her. She’s been …. She’s just been a little…”

“Depressed lately,” Spike finished.

“Yeah.” Willow knew that Spike understood what she was trying to say. “ Spike, take care of her tonight, don’t let her…”

“I won’t let her out of my sight. Keep her safe and sound. She’ll be better tomorrow. I promise.” Spike’s voice was soft, loving, and caring. For some unknown reason, he felt compelled to convince Willow that Buffy was alright. Even if he couldn’t quite convince himself.

Standing out there in the middle of the night while Buffy lying back in his bed, he did the only thing he could do. Picked up the phone once more and dialed.

After a few ring a sleepy voice answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Angel, why in god’s name did ya have to call her?” Spike fumed.

“Spike?” Angel questioned with a yawn.

“Course it’s me, ya bleeding git. Why are you doing this to her?” Spike growled.

“Doing what to who?”

“Why did ya have to call her and tell her that? Now of all times!”

There was a long pause as Angel realized what Spike was talking about. When he finally answered, his voice was a bit unsure. “I just wanted to tell her about Connor. I thought she would be happy for me. I didn’t want her to find out from anyone else. That’s all. Is she mad at me?”

“Oh, she’s just bloody fine! She’s only been crying her eyes out for hours on end. Crying so hard at times she almost hyperventilated, so bloody hard that she fell asleep from pure exhaustion! Yeah, I say she’s just bleeding fine!” Spike mocked.

“Why has she been crying? I thought she’d be happy. That’s why I called. I didn’t think…” Angel said softly
.
“Ya’re right! Ya didn’t think!” Spike snapped. “If you did, you wouldn’t have called to gloat about yer perfect life with Little Miss Cheerleader, Connor and the Devil’s spawn herself –Darla!”

“Wooahh, hold it right there just a minute! I didn’t get to tell Buffy the rest of it. So let me finish. Darla’s gone.”

“She just left? Got up and left her son….with ya?” Spike asked a bit perplexed.

“No, Darla is dead. She staked herself so that Connor could live. She sacrificed herself so that he could be born.”

“Oh,” was all that Spike could say.

“Spike, I really need to tell Buffy that. Then maybe she’ll understand. Maybe then she’ll be able to come and…meet him. I need to know she’s ok with this.” Angel pleaded with him.

Spike sighed, he knew that his Sire didn’t really mean to bugger up Buffy’s life any more than it already was, but at the same time he knew he was.

“She can’t right now. Her life’s really a mess. I’ll see if I can talk her into it in a few days or maybe a week or two.” Spike was trying to appease his Sire, and still have her psyche in mind. “I’ll call ya or have her call when she’s ready.”

“Thanks Spike. Look after her and don’t let her do anything stupid.”

Yeah, like I could stop her from doing anything, he thought as he hung up the phone, before heading back to the crypt and check on his slayer.

****

While Spike was gone Buffy had woken up and she couldn’t find him anywhere. She did, however, find several bottles of liquor that Spike had.

When he arrived at the crypt, it was quiet. He crept down the stairs only to find Buffy lying in his bed. The room was all a glow with lit candles and Buffy wearing only his shirt.

Spike’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped as she crawled out from beneath the satin sheets, slowly prowling towards him like a leopard hunting its prey. “Oh Spikey, come here,” She purred with a ‘come take me’ look on her face while croocking her finger.

“Buffy are ya feeling ok?” Spike questioned as he saw the empty liquor bottles on the floor. “You’re drunk”

“Am NOT!” she protested.

“Ya are.”

“No, I’ve had something to drink to forget all this, but I’m not drunk!” Buffy protested even louder. Then all of a sudden she began to cry again.

“Shhhh…it’s ok,” Spike said walking towards her. He hated to see her cry and she had been crying a lot lately. “Let’s get you to bed and you’ll just sleep this off.”

“No, I can’t JUST sleep this off! This won’t go away no matter how hard I try!”

“What won’t, luv?” Spike asked as he sat down on the bed next to her.

“This. My life. It won’t just go away.”

“Your life isn’t that bad, Slayer.”

“That’s the problem, the slayer thing! I don’t want to be the slayer anymore,” Buffy sighed. “I just want to be Buffy Anne Summers! A STUDENT, SISTER, AND WOMAN, NOT A SLAYER, got it?”

“Got it,” Spike said sheepishly.

“I have dreams too, you know.”

“You know what my dream is Spike? I’ll tell you!” she continued. “My dream is to fall in love, get married, have that white picket fence, have a good, no great job making more that enough money to support my 2.5 kids.”

Taking a breath, she continued, “I want a husband to love me for me. One who will grow old with me. Who’ll hold my hair out of my face while I puke my guts out for two months straight from morning sickness. Someone who’s willing to go out at three am just to get me a hot fudge sundae, in the next county if needed. Who will love me even though I’m the size of a house, all because I’m carrying his child?” she told him, her voice shaking with emotion. She wanted all those things and more. Much more.

They sat there in silence for a few moments before Spike finally spoke, “I do too, luv,” he said softly.

“I want all of it for ya … for us. I can give ya all of it except …the baby, if ya’d let me. I’d do anything to make ya happy. Anything at all.” He whispered the last part turning his head, unwilling let her see just how much he meant it for fear of rejection one again by the woman he loved more than life- or unlife- itself.

Buffy turned his head to look into his eyes. They were soft and the candle light danced in them. She saw a lonely tear run down his face. Her heart clutched look of longing, of hope.

Leaning in, she kissed him softly before whispering, “Let’s try.”

Tbc.

Remembering (3/?)

“Let’s try.” Those sweet words echoed in Spike’s head.

He couldn’t believe that it was real, Buffy here in his crypt, in his bed, his shirt: gods he wanted her. But not like this. Not because of Angel or any problem. He wanted her there because she wanted to be there.

“Let’s try,” Buffy whispered again nipping at his ear lobe. “Make love to me,” she murmured roaming her hands over his chest.

As she started to unbutton his shirt on her small body, he searched her eyes trying to figure out if she really meant what she said. Or if it was just the need for someone to make everything go way.

With several button undone, leaving her chest bare to his hungry gaze, Buffy’s hands tugged at his duster, pushing it from his shoulders before she started frantically to undo his belt buckle. She was like a woman possessed; her need so was so strong that it was all she could think about.

It didn’t matter anymore to Spike, or at least not right now. The fact that she was there and she was the one wanting him for a change was enough.

Coming to her knees in front of him, she pleaded, “Make love to me, Spike, please.”

He couldn’t let her down now could he? Besides, he hated to see her begging. ‘No wait’ he thought, he actually liked seeing her begging him.

“Are ya sure?” Spike asked, arching his brow. He wanted her in that moment than he had in all his unlife, but at the same time he didn’t want her pissed at him and accuse him of taking advantage of her later.

“Yes.”

With that, Spike’s hand found its way to the last button of her shirt, baring all of her to his hungry gaze. The other hand gently caressed her face.

Their eyes meet and passion burned deep in Buffy’s core. She wanted him. She needed him. Not just for tonight but forever.

She knew it, but she didn’t want to admit it to herself and definitely not to Spike. She wanted to tell him everything about the phone call, the way it made her feel. The way she felt laying in his bed waiting for him, but she just couldn’t. There would be time for that later.

Spike brushed his knuckles over her breasts, gently teasing her nipples, causing Buffy to let out a soft moan. Each stroke branded her very soul. He knew exactly what to do; what made her happy.

Her hands tugged at Spike’s t-shirt; she wanted to feel his hard cool flesh pressed against hers. She felt like her body was on fire. Finally she revealed his pale skin that shone like porcelain in the dim candle light. He was gorgeous.

Slowly, she slid her hands down his strong chest, finding their way to the top button of his jeans. Undoing them, she pulled him on top of her. With one good tug, Buffy peeled his tight jeans from his body. Falling back onto the bed, she pulled him with her and kissed him deeply.


Tracing the outline of her soft curves, he made his way to her inner thigh, slowly, methodically moving making his way to what he wanted most.

He wanted her. Gods he wanted her now and forever. “Buffy,” he said softly, hovering above her. “I …. I….” ‘I love you’ he thought, but couldn’t say it, he knew she wouldn’t believe him. She never did. And he didn’t want to ruin this moment. Instead he closed the last few inches and kissed her passionately, deciding it was wiser to show her than tell her.

Their two bodies were meant to be together, each one knowing what the other one wanted, needed even. As they moved in sync with each other, the world around them disappeared.

They made love for several hours. Finally from pure pleasure, Buffy cried out, a moment later Spike did the same. Lying there for several minutes, neither of them could move. Buffy slowly and almost unwilling slid off of him before curling herself around his body. She didn’t wanting to be away from him. With her head resting on his chest, she drifted off to sleep while Spike held her close, before falling asleep as well.

*****

Buffy awoke just before sunrise. She wasn’t quite sure where she was or what had happened. All she could remember was Angel’s call, Spike, and drinking far too much in Spike’s crypt.

Then she looked at him, Spike. She was cuddled up with him and that’s when it hit her. Everything from last night came flowing back. She couldn’t have…. she didn’t, but she did. She remembered it all.

She had gotten drunk, told Spike everything she wanted in her life and told him in some way that it was him and only him that she wanted it with. She was horrified; how could she have ever done such a thing? She could never face him again, knowing he knew her deepest, darkest secret of all.

Slowly and carefully, she moved away from him, not wanting to wake her sleeping vamp. She couldn’t look him in the eyes knowing that he knew. She sat up on the edge of the bed gathering her self for a moment before standing.

“Going somewhere, Luv?” Spike said softly.

“I have to go. “ Buffy whispered. “Willow will be worried if she finds out I didn’t come home.”

“Nope, I called Red last night and told her not to worry.”

“You did what?” Buffy stopped gathering her clothes and looked him dead in the eye.

A small smile tugged at his mouth as Spike reclined against the headboard. “I called Red. Told her that ya were upset and ya fell asleep in the crypt.” he said matter a factly.

“Before or after?” Buffy worried, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth.

“Before,” Spike could tell by her tone she wasn’t happy, not to mention the icy gaze she was giving him. “Guess I probably shouldn’t tell ya who else I called, huh?” he added before his brain had time to stop his big mouth.

Buffy’s mouth dropped as her mind raced, “Who?”

“Nobody that matters,” he said trying to cover as best he could as he mentally kicked himself. What was he thinking? A nice staking would be quiet lovely this morning? his subconscious snorted. Ya’ve always been a glutton for punishment, mate.

“WHO?” she demanded, glaring at him with her arms crossed under her perky breasts.

Breasts he remembered sampling over and over again just a few hours ago. And that was Spike’s only defense for that he said. He’d been distracted by the way the pale light made her golden skin look in the early morning light.

“Peaches.” Spike confessed. But the moment it was out of his mouth, he knew he’d done it now. Bloody hell he thought. She’s going to stake me for sure now. Well at least I’ll die a happy man.

Buffy just stood there, not believing what she’d heard. “You called, who?”

“I called Peaches” Spike paused “Ya were too upset ta tell me and I wanted to know what bleeding hell he did to piss ya off.”

“Why did you do that?” she accused him.

Lifting his head, he met her angry glare, “I already told ya. Wanted to know what got yer panties in such a twist.” Looking away, he muttered, “I know.”

“You know? What do you think you know?”

“About Connor,” Spike said it and there was no going back now, he knew it.

“You…. know about Connor?”

“Yeah, luv I do. Know about Connor and all the rest, too.” Sighing, Spike looked back up at her, not knowing how to tell her the rest of what Angel had told him the night before. “There’s something you don’t know.”

‘Why did ya have to open your big gob, ya git? Ya couldn’t just have left well enough alone, could ya.’

‘Ya could have just let her slip away not saying a word. She wouldn’t have known. But oh NO! Ya had to go and say something. Ya could’ve stopped at calling Red, but no not ya,’ he thought.

“What else?” Buffy asked, moving back to sit next to Spike on the edge of the bed. Looking into his deep blue eyes she tried to figure out what he knew that she didn’t.

“Its Darla ….she’s gone.”

“She left?”

“No, not exactly, She’s …dead.” Spike mumbled.

“What?”

“She’s dead. She took her own life to save Connor’s. If she hadn’t, he would’ve died.”

Buffy sat there in silence for a moment. Suddenly she flew off the bed grabbed her clothes and running up the ladder to the upper chamber of the crypt. Her heart was racing, her head was pounding. She couldn’t get dressed fast enough to get out of there before Spike could say another word. She didn’t know how she felt in that moment. There were too many unnamed emotions that she couldn’t deal with.

Spike quickly followed her upstairs. He wanted to take it all back. “I’m sorry.” Is all he could say as he gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

“I didn’t know. I didn’t let him finish last night. What didn’t he just tell me that in the beginning?”

“He wanted to tell ya, but ya hung up too fast.” Spike’s voice was firm but soothing at the same time. His voice somehow always calmed her at times like this. “Ya ok, pet?”

“I don’t know. Kinda confused right now. I need to go,” Buffy said, as she grabbed her jacket from the arm of Spike’s brown chair then quickly went out into the still morning air.

Spike wanted to follow and comfort her, but he couldn’t it. Daylight was a damned bitch some days and today, she was the queen of all bitches.

He wanted to hold her, tell her it was alright. That everything was going to be fine. He tried to convince himself it was. And that Buffy could handle it. But deep down in his gut he was afraid he’d made the biggest mistake of his unlife by telling her. Afraid that he’d lost the one thing he wanted most in this world…

*****

Buffy wandered around the cemetery before slowly heading back to the house.

Standing outside, she couldn’t go in. She knew Willow was already up and she would want to talk. Buffy couldn’t tell her. She couldn’t tell her anything that had happened between her and Spike. She couldn’t tell her how she felt, because she really didn’t know herself yet.

Slowly Buffy turned and walked the streets of Sunnydale remembering when she first arrived. She remembered the first time she met Willow and Xander, and Angel.

She remembered how she fell in love with Angel. How he’d turned into Angelus because of her. About the time Willow gave Angel his soul back, just in time for her to kill him.

She knew they loved one another and they always would, but they could never be together. She knew that better than anyone. She couldn’t risk him turning into Angelus ever again. He was a monster, one that would end the world if he had a chance.

But not Spike. Even at his evilest he couldn’t come close to being the monster that Angelus. And how he knew her. Knew what she wanted and needed.

She remembered how he had helped her for the first time with Angelus. Leaving town with Dru as he promised. And his stupid scheme he’d dreamt up of kidnapped Willow and Xander, get a love spell to get Dru back.

He knew her even back then. He’d always known her. And he could always see right though her.

As she wondered through the streets, she found herself at her mother’s grave. Sinking to her knees she broke down once again. “Mom why? Why do I have to choose, I love them both.”

Shocked that she’d finally admitted it to herself. She loved Spike. There was no way to deny it and there turning back now. She couldn’t tell anyone but her mother, she knew. Besides her mother had always liked him, even more than Angel.

“Mom, I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy for Angel. But I’m afraid if I see him I’ll fall in love him again and I’ll lose Spike. I can’t lose him. We just found each other.”
She told her, sobbing, “I love him, Mom. I really love him. But I can’t tell him or anyone else but you.”

Tbc….

“Buffy, hey where’ve you been?”

“Yeah, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Huh, what?” Buffy looked up to see Dawn and Willow there standing in the kitchen in front of her; she hadn’t even heard them come in let alone talking to her. She’d still been trying to get a hold of all her emotions and thoughts.

“Buffy, we’ve been looking for you for hours!” Dawn was practically yelling at her out of frustration and concern for her sister. She’d been so worried when she hadn’t come home earlier in the day. Her fear had grown worse when she’d learned she’d left Spike’s place hours ago and no one had seen hide or hair of her since.

“Dawnie, can I talk to Buffy for a minute alone? Call Xander and Anya for me and tell them we found her.” Willow implored with the younger Summers to not go off the handle at her sister. She wanted to try and talk calmly with her best friend. She knew it wasn’t possible with Dawn around.

“Ok,” she huffed. “I promised Spike I’d let him know, too….” grabbing the phone she walks out of the kitchen, on to the back porch.

They both hear Dawn say, “I just hope he hasn’t done anything stupid like kill himself trying to find you,” as she shuts the door.

“Are you sure you’re ok, Buffy? You look kinda out of it.”

“Will, I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.” Buffy looks up at her best friend and tries to convince them both with a weak smile.

“We’re just glad you’re home safe and sound.” The witch tried to smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “We got worried when you didn’t come home so I went to Spike’s to see you. He said you left a few hours before I came looking for you.”

Giving her best friend a good hard stare, she continued, “He’s really worried too, Buffy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this upset before.”

“Sorry.” She sighed looking down. “I just had to take a walk, clear my head.”

After a long pause she looked up, “Look I’m really tired, Will. We’ll talk later, I promise.” Getting up, Buffy hugged Willow, giving her an I’m okay, really smile before heading upstairs to take a nap.

*************

Buffy awoke to the dimly lit room just as the sun was setting. She was feeling a lot better and more rested as well. Buffy could hear Dawn in the bathroom, blow drying her hair.

“Buffy, are you up?” called a quite voice from the other side after they rapped on the door.

“I’m up, Willow. Come in.”

The young red head entered the room and took a seat at the foot of the bed. “We’re all going to the Bronze for a while. Wanna come?”

“Thanks. I’ve got to patrol first, but I’ll meet you guys there later.” Buffy’s voice sounded much happier that the morning, letting Willow know she meant it.

A few minutes later, Willow left to find Dawn so they could leave, where they’d meet up with Xander and Anya at the Bronze. Getting up, Buffy looked out the window as the last rays of the sun sunk behind the mountains in the distances; it was her one of her favorite times of the day- beautiful and dangerous at the same time.

She knew it was almost time for the vampires and demons to come out. She had work to do. “There’s never a lack of things to kill in Sunnydale, is there?” she said to herself, as she went into the bathroom to take a shower.

*******

As Buffy stepped out of the shower, she heard a noise in her room. Thinking it was Willow or Dawn, she left the bathroom in just a short towel and entered her room.

“Spike! What the hell are you doing here and in my room?” she gasped, trying her best to cover herself more from his lustful gaze.

“Waiting for ya, luv. Had to make sure ya’re alright,” Spike said softly as he looked her up and down, giving her the ‘raised eyebrow smile’ of his. She loved that smile. She always melted when he did that.

“No, really. What are you doing here? Dawn and Willow are here.” Buffy whispered trying to make sure no one heard her.

“They’re gone. Waited until they left before I came up. I’m not stupid, you know.”

“You sure about that one?” she snorted, turning her back on him and pretending to find clothes.

Spike snorted back. “Positive, pet. They left about 10 minutes ago. Heard ya in the shower and figured ya didn’t want any help in there. I mean I wanted to help, just didn’t know where we stand after last night… or this morning, and all.”

“We’re fine, Spike. I’m not mad or anything. Thanks for taking care of me last night. I mean with the Angel/ Connor thing,” Buffy babbled, trying not to look at him. She was embarrassed and didn’t want him to see.

Spike loved hearing her babble. She was always so cute when she was like that, he thought, smiling at her. “That’s ok. I mean, I hope you’re better. Got worried when Red came looking for you. I was really worried something had happed to you.”

“Oh, I just had to take a walk and clear my head. I went to my mother’s grave. I haven’t had much time lately to go.”

Spike nodded, “Just glad yer all right. I went by myself earlier had a good long talk. Had to catch her up on a few things,” he admitted. Spike had always enjoyed the long talks with Joyce.

Slowly, Buffy walked towards the bed. She reached down and picked up her clothes. Spike sat on the edge; her black leather pants were just under his leg. Buffy tugged him off her pants, not really wanting to see just how much his presence affected her. “I’ve gotta go.”

She paused just long enough to look out the window. “It’s late and I need to patrol,” she offered, then walked back into the bathroom.

A few minutes later Buffy immerged from the bathroom wearing those black leather pants he loved so much, and a white sweater that was fitted but not too tight; it had a plunging neck line that revealed just enough cleavage.

Spike sat speechless on the bed with his mouth hanging slightly open. ‘God she looks beautiful,’ he thought to himself ‘and she’s mine. Maybe? Ya, she’s mine.’

“I’m ready to go, are you coming?” Buffy called to him, still sitting on the bed. Opening the door, she walked out.

Spike looked up. “Coming pet, that is if ya want me to?” Spike called out, a tad bit unsure as he followed her down the stairs and out the front door. Even though it was something they regularly did, for some reason things felt different between them now. Something he couldn’t quite name, or not yet anyway.


***********

“We’ve already patrolled this section four times, luv. There’s no big bads here, unless ya’re counting me that is?” Spike smirked.

“I guess you’re right, Spike. Too bad, I was really in the mood to kill something tonight.” Buffy joked trying to cover her growing nerves about meeting up with the rest of the gang.

“What’s wrong?” Spike asked, as he stopped in front of her.

Buffy sighed, “It’s just…. Just I don’t want to go to the Bronze and have to face all of them. Not to mention the questions like, ‘Hi Buffy, why did you stay the night at Spike’s’? Or ‘So I heard that Angel called last night and you wigged out. What’s that all about?’” Buffy said in her best Anya voice.

Spike chuckled; knowing the demon like he did, he knew she wasn’t far off. Anya was a lot of things but couth was not one of them. “Yeah, I see yer point. So, what, ya’re just going to patrol all night ta avoid the inevitability, luv?”

“No. I guess I should go. I’ve stalled long enough.” She sighed, looking up at him. “Can you please come with me?”

“Don’t ya think they’ll get suspicious? They’re going ta ask questions, anyway.”

“I know, but at least I’ll have someone to back me up this way.” Buffy begged him with her eyes. And he caved in, like always. There was just something about his slayer. He could never say no to her, even when he knew he should.

Buffy grinned, grabbing his hand, “Ok, let’s go,” she beamed, dragging him off in the direction of the nightclub. “Oh and don’t say a word about why Angel really called.”

“Connor? Don’t worry, luv. I’m not touching that one not in a million years. That’s yer place, not mine.”

“Good ‘cause I’m not ready to talk about that not quite yet.” Buffy sighed losing some of her momentum.

************


“Ready?” Spike asked.

“No, not ready. But I guess we have to go in.” Buffy sighed, giving Spike’s hand a squeeze before letting it go.

She didn’t want to go in and she especially didn’t want to loose the calming feeling she had when ever Spike was touching her. She couldn’t explain it but somehow he seemed to calm her, even if it was just a bit, she needed that most of all right now to face her friends.

Inside, they try to avoid the questions by dancing and avoiding Anya and Xander in particular. Willow all ready knew most of what happened and tried to help by running interference between the other couple and them.

“Thanks, Red.” Spike whispered in her ear as they danced.

“I’m doing this for my best friend. Why are you doing it? Why are you keeping her secret, what do you want in return? Money? Or do you want something that money can’t get you?” Willow had a tone of suspicion in her voice.

“I’m doing it for Buffy. She’s my friend too.” Spike stated matter of factly.

“When did you two become friends?”

“Over time. Over time, Red.”

Willow was quite surprised at the way Spike and Buffy were getting along so well and wondered if more happened last night that Buffy had told her.

“Can I cut in?” The young Summers asked, tapping the petite red head on the shoulder.

“Sure, Dawnie.”

“Thanks, Willow.” She smiled as she and Willow traded positions.

Spike and Dawn danced while Willow went to find Buffy. “We need to talk,” she said as she found the slayer hiding out in the darkest corner of the room nursing a coke.

“I’m not ready to talk about Angel’s call or Connor.”

“I don’t want to talk about that. I want to know what happened with you and Spike last night. The two of you are getting along…. Well, too well.”

“We just talked. He helped me see thing a little differently. He helps us patrol, Willow. We’re trying to be friends. It makes thing a little easier, that’s all. It’s not big deal, really.”

“I don’t understand, but it’s getting late and Dawn has school in the morning. I guess it’ll have to wait.”

“Don’t forget I’ve got that new job, too.” Buffy added grateful it was as late as it was. “Let’s get Dawn and go home. Any clue where she might be?” she asked looking around the crowded room.

“She’s dancing with Spike, I think. Or that’s where I left her anyways.”

“I’ll go find her. You go let Xander and Anya know we’re leaving and that I’ll see them tomorrow.” With that Buffy headed to the dance floor to find Dawn and the vamp.

“You can’t cut in, Buffy!” Dawn protested.

“Sorry Dawn, but it’s time to go home. You have school and I have to go to work in the morning.” Buffy wasn’t happy that she had to go either. She really wanted to have a dance with Spike herself, but not on the dance floor. “Let’s go.” She sighed tugging at her sister.

“Spike, can you at least walk us home, pleasssse.” Dawn begged clinging to him.

He chuckled prying her fingers from his leather coat. “Alright Nibblet, I’ll walk ya home, but only if it’s ok with big sis here.”

“Fine with me, as long as you actually leave,” Buffy said with a smirk, as she muttered the last part so only he could hear it.

“Where’s Willow?” Dawn asked.

“Waiting at the door for us,” Spike nodded spotting her. Making their way to the door, they met up with her and headed for home.

*******

“Bye Spike,” Dawn beamed, giving him a quick peck on the cheek as she bounced into the house.

“Bye bit, I’ll see ya after school tomorrow?” Spike said with a smile in his voice.

“You bet!”

“I’ll be waiting.” He chuckled, watching her disappear up the stairs.

“See ya, Spike.”

“Later Red.” He nodded as she too turned to leave.

“Willow I’ll be in, in a few minutes. Make sure she goes to bed.” Buffy asked as she leaned against the porch rail.
“Will do, Buff.”

She waited a minute to make sure that Willow has left and wasn’t listening at the door, before she turned to him, “Thanks, Spike for tonight and everything. You don’t know what this means to me.”

“You can always show me,” he grinned, cocking his scared eye brow.

“Spike,” she laughed, giving him a playful little slap.

“Not right now, maybe later ya could come over. We could work out a payment schedule of some sort.” He smirked.

“Not tonight, maybe another night though.” Buffy’s voice sounded very wicked. Smiling, she gave him a quick kiss before turning in heading in to the house herself.

“Balls, I’m whipped.” Spike mutters under his breath as he started for home himself. ‘But this is a good thing,’ he though making his way back to the crypt.

Willow, Dawn and the rest of the gang had been talking to Angel, even Spike had.
Willow wanted to know everything about Connor. She was filled with all the usual questions like, ‘How could a vampire have a child, not to mention two vampires having a child?’ It wasn’t possible.

Angel was worried about Buffy, and about how she was taking the news of his son. They even let it slip about Buffy’s little breakdown the night he called, despite Spike’s constant protests.

Angel almost liked his grandchilde for wanting to protect her like he was. He was happy to hear that at least someone was with Buffy when she had her little breakdown, even if it was Spike, and not him.

They also told him about to whole Katrina thing. How Warren and the geek squad killed her and tried to frame Buffy.

Spike was secretly helping Willow find out more about Connor from the elder vamp. They all knew Buffy was slowly getting better, but didn’t want to push the issue. Besides, Spike had other motivations for helping Willow; he really wanted to help Buffy’s dreams come true.

The vision of her lying broken in his arms pouring her heart out haunted him. If there was any way, any way at all, he could give her what she desired, he would.


Spike and Willow sat in the Summers’ kitchen late one night talking about the prophecy Willow has translated after Wesley had sent to her. Dawn had already gone to sleep, and Buffy was out on patrol.

“Hi, Will” Buffy said as she came through the back door, “Dawnie asleep?”

“Yeah she went about an hour ago. What happened to you?” Willow replied taking in the slayer’s appearance. She was covered from head to toe in yellowish- green slime that dripped in thick wet plops when it hit the ground.

“Slimy demon with two heads and lots of gooey mess when you kill it!” Buffy joked. “I need to take a shower. I’m slimy and smell like a Double Meat Medley, yuck!” Walking past Spike, she can’t resist the urge to run her goo covered hand though his hair and make him a little messy too since he hadn’t been there to get slimed.

“Hey, watch the hair, Slayer!” he growled trying to avoid her hands.

“Just getting you back for not going on patrol with me tonight.” Buffy snickered, heading upstairs to take a shower.

The two of them wait until they heard the shower going before going back to the matter at hand.

“So, what ya find, Red?”

“Not much more about Connor. But did you know another vampire had a kid? And that one was prophesized?”

“It says here, that a vampire one day would have a child and that child would be a great leader someday. But that’s all I can get out of this thing.” She sighed in frustration. “There’s nothing about how it could happen or who it will be. The only other thing I did find was a reference to a slayer and a vampire who fall in love about 100 years ago, in one of the watchers’ journals.”

“What did it say?”

“Not much really. But then I came a cross the reference again in another book. Here look.” Willow said turning the book to show Spike. “This refers to a slayer and vamp who fell love. I’m not sure if it’s the same ones but it’s the same time period. This may be a myth or it may be real, but it might explain the whole vampires having babies thing if it’s the real deal.”

“Do tell, Red?” taking the book he studied it, sounding very interested.

“Well, about 100 years ago somewhere in Ireland there was this vampire who was sent to kill a beautiful young slayer.” Willow grinned, happy to think someone else might be just as interested in this as she was. “They fought several times. Once, he had her in his grasp ready to kill her and couldn’t. I mean he didn’t, he just couldn’t because he’d fallen in love with her. He didn’t even try to turn her.”

“During this same time she had several chances to kill him as well, but she didn’t. The last time they fought it ended with them …. You know having…” Willow just couldn’t say it.

“Having Sex?” Spike added, smirking at how shy the red headed witch could be sometimes.

“Yeah, they snuck around, keeping their relationship under wraps so that no one would know, especially her Watcher. They’d been secret lovers for quite awhile when she became pregnant with their child. They tried to hide it, but after a while the Watcher and a few others found out.”

“Almost at the end of the pregnancy his Sire found out, and boy was he pissed. He paid them a visit and gave them an option either the Slayer and child could die or the vampire could. But he wouldn’t let them all live or let them be happy ever again.

“The vampire couldn’t stand the thought of the woman he loved and their child dying, so he made the ultimate sacrifice. He died so that they could live.”

“The Sire left but not before telling her that was why vampires don’t have children. ‘Nothing ever good came from a Vampire in love.’ he told her.”

“She tried to be strong for their child, but after several days she couldn’t take the pain of a broken heart. So she killed herself and their unborn child, hoping to be reunited with her love in the after life.” Willow sighed, finishing the tragic story.

Spike just sat there staring at her; he was amazed by what she had just told him. He knew that everything she’d told him had really happened. He was one of the vampires who had been trusted with this information.

He swore he wouldn’t let that even happen again. Over the past century he’d thousands of nightmares about the way it ended.

How he wished he could’ve stopped the whole thing but he couldn’t. The Master Vampire had kidnapped them while he’d been out feeding. Dru hadn’t even known about them. For a while he had even tried to kill himself for what had happened.

But he wasn’t quiet sure if he should tell Willow that he had been there when it happened. He’d never shared that deep dark secret with another being. To his knowledge none of the others who knew about it had survived.

“I know, heard the myth before.” Spike said deciding it was best to keep his ghost hidden for the time being.

“Is there anything else ya’ve found out in those books?” Trying to change the subject without being to obvious.

Buffy had finished her shower and came downstairs at the very end of the whole thing. She wasn’t sure what Spike had told Willow but she wasn’t stopping to ask. What she heard was more than enough to start her blood boiling.

Standing in the door way of the kitchen, Buffy demanded to speak to Spike outside on the porch. ”Spike, porch now!” she growled.

Spike knew that voice, she only used it when she was going to kill Dawn for something she had done. Without a word he got up and headed for the porch not wanting to make her any madder than she already was.

Willow just stood there blinking, not sure what was going on or how much Buffy had heard of their conversation.

*******

Spike sat on the top step of the porch smoking a cigarette as Buffy came storming out the door. “What the hell did you tell Willow for?” Buffy snapped.

“I didn’t tell her anything, pet.”

“Then what the hell were you two talking about?”

“A prophecy and Connor, Red came across another reference to a vampire having a kid, well almost anyway. The bit died along with its parents at the hand of some master vamp. It was supposed to be a great leader. One who’d bridge the gap between Slayers and Vampires forever. It was going to bring peace to the world.” Spike sighed, finally looking up at her.

“Willow didn’t say anything about that in there. How do you know the baby was to do all this?” Buffy asked calming a bit. She still wanted to know what Spike had told Willow but she wanted to know what he hadn’t told Willow more.

“I know because….. I was there.” Looking down Spike let out a deep breath before continuing. “I was there when it all happened but I couldn’t stop it from happening. I couldn’t stop him from killing him and couldn’t stop the slayer from killing herself and the baby, either. I failed them all, Buffy. I’m never going to let that happen again. Never again.” Spike said, choking back tears.

“You know them? They were real, not a myth?”

“Yeah, they were real. Not going ta let anything like that happen to Connor, either. I know me and Peaches don’t really get along, but I’m not about ta let it happen ta his son.”

Buffy didn’t know what to say, all she could do was sit on the step beside him resting her head on his shoulder. She ached for him. How awful it must have been for her vamp to stand by and watch others he cared about die, unable to do anything to stop it.

It was silent for a while. This had been the first time they’d even mentioned Angel or Connor since the night she found out.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with all of it. That you kept it bottled up inside for all these years. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Couldn’t just tell ya. Couldn’t tell anyone, luv.”

“You could have. I’m here for you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Thanks luv,” the vamp smiled, wrapping one arm around her and pulling her a little closer.

“How do we help Connor?” she asked softly.

“Not really sure, don’t even know if he’s in any danger. Just know I’m willing ta do anything ta keep him safe.”

Taking a deep cleansing breath Buffy met Spike’s eyes, “I think it’s time I go see Angel and meet his son.” She told him biting her bottom lip, “I’m just kinda afraid of going alone. Would you …you go with me to L.A?” Buffy asked softly in that voice Spike can’t resist.

“Ya want me ta go with ya?” Spike was very surprised Buffy had asked him to go with her and not one of her other friends.

“Yes, Spike I want you to go with me to LA and see Angel and Connor. I think you’re the only one I want to be there when I see him for the first time.”

Nodding, Spike brushed a stray hair out of her face. “When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow night.” She smiled gently, leaning into his touch.