Chapter 1 - Non-Friendly Situations


She looked in the mirror, surveying the damage. It wasn't too bad
really. Could have been a lot worse. The purple bruise on her cheek
would be easy enough to cover up, as would the one near her lip. The others she could hide with her clothes. She picked the small round pad out of her make up bag, dipping it into her powder; she brought it to her cheek and started softly patting the purple bruise. She watched as it began to disappear. It took her another fifteen minutes but soon she could look in the mirror and no ugly, purple marks were invisible. Now to hide the rest.


She pulled a red long sleeved sweater from her closet. Then a pair of simple blue jeans. She hurriedly dressed. She rushed around her room collecting everything she needed for the day. Glancing at the clock, she grabbed everything in her hands and began shoving them in her bag. Taking one last look in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable, she quietly opened her bedroom door. She looked to her left, seeing her mom's bedroom door still closed, she moved quiet as a mouse, down the stairs and straight out the door.





At lunch later that day, after managing to barely concentrate on her
classes, Buffy made her way towards her usual table on the quad where her friend was sitting.

"Hey Wills." she said taking her usual seat.

"Hey Buff, how are you?" Willow said lightly scrunching her eyebrows.

"I'm ok,” she answered, but not in a believable way.

Willow gave her a funny look.

"I'm ok!" she repeated, louder this time.

"If you say so." The redhead knew something wasn't right. And she
thought she knew what it was. Buffy had been acting strange for a
while, and Willow was worried about her. But they were best friends, and Willow was determined to find out what the hell was going on. And she was going to find out today.

"Hey Buff, I need to go to the bathroom. Come with?"

Buffy nodded "Sure." she stood, carrying her empty lunch bag to the trashcan. She then turned back to her friend. They walked together in absolute silence. That wasn't a strange thing for them anymore. But a few months a go, you could never shut either of them up when they were together. And they both wanted that back.


Willow marched into the bathroom ahead of Buffy. After checking that there was nobody else inside, she locked the door. She turned to Buffy, her resolve face already firmly in place. Someone had to take the initiative and get to the truth. Willow wasn't usually the kind of person who took charge. That had always been Buffy. But, on this occasion it would seem she didn't have any choice but to take control.

"What..." Buffy started only to be immediately cut off by Willow.

"Buffy, something is going on here. I don't know for sure what but I
have an idea. So you can either tell me, or I will find out for
myself."

"Willow, nothing is wrong." Buffy wiped her clammy hands on the side of her jeans, something she did when she was nervous and it did not go unnoticed by Willow. That was it.

"Really? Because I don't believe you. Something is going on Buffy.
You've been different for a while, and that's not because of "nothing" it's because of something. I want to know what."

"It's nothing," Buffy mumbled again.

"Ok, I guess I'm going to have to find out for myself then." Willow
declared, marching right up to Buffy and grabbing her wrist, noticing Buffy's wince when she did so. She looked Buffy square in the eye as she pulled up her sleeve, revealing red handprints and bruises scattered the length of her arm. Willow gasped when she saw it.

"Buffy, what the, where did these come from?"

Buffy didn't say anything, but Willow saw a lone tear slip from her
friend's eye. And she knew.

"Your mom." she whispered. Buffy, unable to say anything, only nodded that her friend was correct. Willow was only partly surprised. Everyone knew that Buffy's mom wasn't a particularly nice person. In fact, at times she could be downright loony. And they knew she could be violent, but Willow had never thought the violence had been directed at Buffy. She couldn't believe how wrong she had been.

"Buffy, how long has this been going on?" Willow as gently as
possible, not wanting to upset her friend further. Buffy sniffed.

"About a year or so. But only really bad for the past
few months." Willow wrapped her am around Buffy, as a show of comfort.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. I wish you would have told me. But we can sort this out now. We will, I promise."
Buffy pulled away from Willow, shaking her head forcefully.

"No, Willow. You cannot tell anyone about this. We only have a year of school left. It'll be ok. But if she finds out people know, it will
only get worse. Please just leave it be" she begged.

"But Buffy, she's hurting you." Willow was desperately trying to get
her friend to see sense.

"I can handle it. Please just promise me you won't say anything, to anyone."

Willow felt close to tears herself by now. She wanted to help Buffy,
and keeping the situation secret wouldn't do that. But Buffy looked so desperate too. And Willow just couldn't bring herself to disagree with anything her friend wanted when she saw that on her face. So,
hesitantly she nodded that she would keep the secret.

"Thank you so much." Buffy said as she pulled her friend into a hug.

"I don't like this Buffy."

"I know Wills, but I promise I'll be ok. If things get worse I'll tell
you." Buffy crossed her heart as she said the words.

"You better, because I don't want to see anything bad happen to you."

"It won't, I promise." Buffy then picked up her things. She unlocked
the door. She was almost out the door, she noticed Willow wasn't
following she turned back to her.

"You coming?"

Willow forced herself to smile.

"Yeah," she followed Buffy out, just as the end of lunch bell rung. So they changed the direction they were heading in.

"So, what are you doing after school?" Buffy was trying to lighten the mood, and take the conversation away from her situation. She knew Willow wouldn't buy her false cheerfulness. But she also knew, her friend would go along with it.

"No plans. I was intending maybe stopping in at the Espresso Pump for a coffee before heading home. You know, with you and Xander."

"Same as normal then." Buffy stated.



Normal, now there was a word. Things that everyone did, that everyone experience. So, she would keep putting on a happy face and acting like everything was fine. Yeah, normal, that was what she needed. But also what she knew she may never have.

A/N: Hey guys. Okay so I hope you're enjoying this story. It's probably the longest one I’ve ever written and it was hard to write as later on it becomes very personal in some ways. So I hope you all keep with me for all of that. There will be angst, there will be some parts that make you smile and there will be spiffy. What more can you really want?

And if you like what you read, please review. Reviews make writers happy and it means we know what our readers want.

Anyway: on with the story

Chapter 2



Buffy was weary as she arrived back home that afternoon. She could never guess what kind of mood her mother was going to be in, or if she would even be home at all. The uncertainty was one of the things that got to Buffy the most. Because sometimes, just when she thought things were okay, that maybe today would be the day without a beating or an argument; something always seemed to go wrong. Something happened to screw it all up.





Of course, the uncertainty wasn’t always there. Because there were days when she could tell straight away that it was a bad day. That a beating would come sooner or later. And she was always right. It always happened. She only wondered what kind of day today was going to be. It really didn't bear thinking about. It was always worse when she didn't know. At least when she knew it was a bad day, she saw it coming. She knew what would happen at some point and she could at least be prepared. It was on the days that she didn't know that she was really afraid.





She opened the door, trying her best to be as quiet as possible, hoping to be able to sneak right upstairs and put off finding out for a little while. But no such luck.

“Buffy” her mother screeched as soon as she crossed the threshold. Buffy cringed at the sound of her mom’s voice. But if she tried to ignore her things would only be worse; so instead of going towards the stairs, she went in the direction of the living room.

“Hey mom” Buffy greeted, trying to pretend that everything was ok.

“You left without saying goodbye this morning”

“Sorry, I overslept” was the mumbled response.

Drusilla came right over to Buffy and grabbed her by the wrists.

“Don’t lie to me. I’m your mother you should respect me. I will not tolerate your disobedience,” she hissed. Buffy winced in pain as her mother’s long sharp fingernails dug into her tender flesh.

“I’m sorry; I won’t do it again,” she promised. Hoping beyond all hope that it would be enough. But she should have know better, it was never enough. Drusilla never loosened her grip

“ You better believe you won’t. Just remember Buffy, that you are my daughter. You do as I say, when I say it. You are an arrogant little bitch who has destroyed my life. I wish I never had you!” The woman’s English accent was more pronounced as she spat the words out. Buffy wanted to cry but she never did. At least not in front of her mother. Sometimes she allowed them to fall later, when she was by herself. But only when she was alone.

“Pleas, let me go” she begged

“You deserve it for lying”

“I didn’t, I swear I didn’t” Buffy cried out.

“Don’t answer back!” Drusilla yelled, slapping Buffy again. But this time, she didn’t stop. She kept slapping, and punching and scratching. And Buffy felt powerless to do anything about it.





Drusilla had moved to Sunnydale at 17, she was pregnant not long after. She met a guy a couple of weeks after she arrived and screwed him in the bathroom of a club the night they met. She never saw him again, not that she cared. The only part that she cared at all about was that she ended up saddled with a baby. That didn’t change her ways though. No, Buffy wasn’t deaf. She heard her mom with the different men she brought home every weekend. She’d had a couple of ‘serious’ boyfriends over the years, meaning there were a couple of guys she had sex with more than once. But they never lasted; it was mostly all one-night stands.





Hours later Buffy lay curled up in a ball on her bed. This beating hadn’t been as bad as some of the others. Drusilla had avoided hitting her in the face for a change. But her arms were covered with fresh cuts and bruises. But the emotional pain was worse than any physical pain. The scars on her body disappeared eventually, but the ones in her heart, those would never go away. So many thoughts were running around inside of her head. The thought that a mother was supposed to love her child. Not beat them and say that they regretted that the child had ever been born. There was supposed to be a bond between a mother and a daughter; and it hurt Buffy that she didn’t have that. It hurt that everywhere she turned she saw a mother and daughter who got along. A mother who cherished her daughter and wanted to spend quality time together, and when she saw them she wished silently that she was that daughter. That it was her mother who took her shopping to the mall, or out for ice cream. That it was her mother who always gave her a kiss goodnight and always told her how much she loved her. But it never was, and deep down she knew that it never would be and that was the thing that hurt more than anything. That her mother would never love her. That her mother would never care like that. It was those thoughts that always brought the tears eventually. And tonight was no different. Tonight, she lay there curled up and tears stained her face. She cried quietly, and in the next room, she heard her mom with another of her one- night stands. Because she Drusilla had left just after she had finished beating Buffy. And as Buffy tried to block out the sound, her weeping softly continued.