Chapter One

As she rose toward consciousness Buffy groaned aloud. Every muscle in her body felt like it was on fire. She tried to open her eyes but the glare of the bright lights overhead forced them shut again.

“Buffy? It’s okay baby. I’m right here beside you. Everything is going to be okay now.”

The voice was familiar. Comforting. Buffy responded to it instinctively. A gentle hand brushed the hair from her face and she welcomed it.

Slowly she opened her eyes again, allowing them to adjust to the harsh light. The ceiling above her was white. Jagged cracks zigzagged through the paint like miniature bolts of lightning. Beneath her aching body she could feel the firmness of the hard bed. The stiff sheets rubbed uncomfortably against her sensitive skin. Hearing a slight noise she turned her head. Her mother’s beautiful face came into focus and she smiled wearily.

“Mom?” Her voice was cracked. Her throat sore. “What happened?”

“You’ve come home to us baby. You’re getting better now.”

A frown creased her features as Buffy tried to process her mother’s words. “Better?”

“Yes Buffy.” The stark relief on her mother’s face was almost painful to watch. Tears ran down her cheeks. Red eyes a testament to the river that preceded them. “Sunnydale is gone now,” she whispered. “It’s over.”

Suddenly images came at Buffy from all sides. The surprise in Willow’s eyes as she saw Buffy come at her with a saucepan clutched in her hand. Xander screaming as the demon’s talons slashed his belly open. The odd angle of Tara’s neck as she landed with a sickening thud at the bottom of the basement stairs. Dawn’s blood, slowly draining from her body. Her eyes staring sightlessly at Buffy where she hid under the stairs.

A desperate keening sound filled the room and Buffy absently noticed that it was coming from her. Her stomach rebelled and she grabbed for the side of the bed, the meagre contents of her stomach spilling onto the pristine floor.

She had killed her friends. Every one of them. All to escape a world that was too heavy for her to carry anymore. She had condemned Spike to live there alone, never knowing what had happened.

She had betrayed everyone who had loved her. What would she do now?

**********

Buffy stared unblinking into her coffee cup, watching the stream rise lazily from the inky black surface. Very gently she blew into the cup, engrossed in the twists and turns of the dancing vapour as it scattered and reformed.

“Buffy.”

At the sound of her name she took a sip and placed the cup on the polished wood of the doctor’s desk. Finally she allowed her eyes to meet his, acknowledging his presence for the first time since she’d entered the room. Dr. Callahan was a tall, black man in a white coat and thin wire-rimmed glasses. His face was pleasant, his body relaxed in his well-padded office chair. He looked like the sort of man that had heard everything and Buffy wondered if anything ever shocked him anymore. He sat patiently through her examination and when she finally straightened a little out of her slumped position in the chair, he smiled kindly.

“Would you like to talk about what happened yesterday?” he asked.

“Aren’t you afraid it might send me back?”

He sat forward in his chair and clasped his long-fingered hands on the desk in front of him. “No,” he stated plainly. “I don’t think that will happen.”

“Why not?” She had the feeling she really wouldn’t like his answer.

“Because there’s nothing left for you there.”

She was right. She hated his answer.

The tears that seemed never-ending escaped once again from her tired, red eyes. “Because I killed them all.”

“No Buffy.” His tone was more forceful now, but still kind. “You didn’t kill anybody. They were never alive. They were never real.”

“They were real to me!” Her eyes held his as she tried to convey with those simple words the significance of what she’d done in her heart.

Obviously deciding to try a new tact the doctor asked, “What do you remember about your life before Sunnydale? About when all this started?”

Sighing heavily Buffy pulled herself upright and took another sip of her coffee. “I was a normal teenager until I was 16. Everything changed the day I met Merrick. He told me that I had been called to be the next vampire slayer.” She snorted as she remembered her reaction to that little bit of news. “I thought he was crazy of course. But then he took me to the local cemetery and I fought and killed my first vampire. I was terrified. Everything that I thought I knew about the world disappeared in that one instant.”

She looked up to find him watching her intently. “I fought vampires nearly every night after that. Merrick was always with me. He taught me how to fight, to protect myself from the things that went bump in the night. When Merrick was killed by a vampire…” She swallowed past the painful lump that suddenly formed in her throat. “I was so scared. I felt so guilty for not being able to protect him. I was all alone and didn’t know what to do. I was just a kid. That’s when I told my parents what had been happening. You should have seen the looks on their faces.” She paused, lost for a moment in her memories. “It wasn't long after that they brought me here. I thought I was only here for a few weeks but obviously...”

When she saw the look of confusion on his face she frowned. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” the doctor was quick to reassure her. After a moment he asked again. “That's everything you remember?”

She looked him steadily in the eye, wondering what it was he wanted her to say. “That's everything.”

**********

Buffy threw herself down on the stiff white sheets of her hospital bed. She had two whole days to herself before she had to see her doctor again and she was grateful for even this small reprieve.

The counselling sessions were draining for her. Dr Callahan was nice and all, but he was always referring to her friends as ‘mind traps’. It drove her crazy. Well, figuratively anyway.

She’d been in ‘the real world’, as she had come to think of it, for over a month now. And yes she did understand that her memories of the past six years had only happened in the confines of her own mind. That nothing of the world she had loved existed here. But that didn’t stop what she felt in her heart.

A soft knock sounded at the door and a moment later her mother’s smiling face popped inside.

“Hey honey,” she said cheerily. “Mind if I come in?”

“Of course not,” Buffy sat up, greeting her mother with a small smile.

“How are you feeling today?”

Buffy shrugged. “Okay I guess. But I want to go home.”

Joyce smiled and tucked a stray lock of Buffy’s hair behind her ear.

“I know you do baby.” Joyce took a deep breath. Buffy noticed the tension that vibrated from her mother and it made her nervous.

“What is it Mom?”

Joyce looked into her eyes for a moment. “Buffy the doctor says you can come home soon.”

Buffy’s face broke out into a big smile. “That’s wonderful,” she exclaimed eagerly. “When?”

“Well,” Joyce continued. “He wants you to visit first with someone from your past. Someone you haven’t seen for a long time.”

“Who?” Confusion marred Buffy’s features as she waited for her mother to continue.

“He was your friend in high school. His name is William.”

A shiver ran through Buffy as Spike’s face flashed through her mind. She gave herself a mental kick. Spike isn’t real, she told herself firmly. There are plenty of real Williams in ‘the real world’. Spike isn’t one of them. But then who…?

“I don’t remember having a friend named William.”

Joyce turned even more pale, her eyes wide with worry. “I know honey.” Joyce stood up and moved restlessly about the room. “That’s why Dr Callahan would like you to meet him before you leave.”

Buffy could feel her mother’s tension mounting, which in turn made her more agitated. But she so wanted to get out of the hospital she was willing to do pretty much anything.

“Send him in,” Buffy stated with a determined nod.

“Okay.” Joyce headed slowly toward the door, the bright sheen of tears glistening in her eyes, before turning to Buffy once more. “Remember Buffy I’ll be just outside this door. Everything will be okay.”

Buffy tried to give her mother a reassuring smile, her heart thudding in her chest as Joyce left the room.

When the door opened again a young man appeared. With a jerk Buffy crawled as far back up the bed as she could. Her eyes flickered between the clear blue eyes, the sharp cheekbones and the shock of bleached hair.

“No,” she moaned, unable to tear her eyes from this reminder of everything she had left behind. “You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real.”

“Buffy.” At the sound of his voice everything inside of her went still. A single tear escaped her unblinking eyes to trail down one pale cheek.

“Buffy,” he repeated. “It’s Will. I’m here. I’m alive.” Slowly he inched toward her. His gaze holding hers captive.

“Spike,” the name burst from her lips in a desperate plea. He shook his head.

“No love,” he whispered as he took her hand. “There is no Spike. Only William.”

She felt the warmth of his skin as his larger hands engulfed hers. Slowly he placed her hand flat against his chest. Faintly, she felt the beat of his heart thudding within him. Quick, but steady. And very much alive.

Buffy raised confused eyes back to his, noting the hopeful expression on his face. “W-William.”

Chapter Two

Buffy stared at Spike – no William – for long minutes. A thousand questions ran through her head. He looked exactly the same and yet – different. He looked so full of life. His skin glowed with the light tan of a man used to standing in the sunlight. His eyes sparkled as he sat there, quietly returning her gaze.

She knew he was waiting for her to make the next move and she realised she was grateful. After all the mental prodding and probing she’d endured in the last month it was a relief to not feel pressured. Unsure where to begin, she finally asked, “Why are you here?”

At her words he released a heavy sigh. “I wanted to come see you so many times love. But the doctors, they wouldn’t let me…”

“No.” Her voice was harsher than she meant it to be and she gripped his hand tighter. “I mean, why are you here in this world? You were there. You’re not supposed to be real.”

She saw his jaw tense as he dropped his gaze to their clasped hands. She wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Anger? Hurt? Both?

“Nobody knows why I showed up in Sunnydale. Or at least parts of me did. In Spike.” He spat the name out with contempt and Buffy wondered why he hated the vampire so much. “It was a long time before they even realised that Spike was me – after a fashion. It was only when you began to talk about Spike in more detail that your Mum and I started to figure it out. That was when they stopped letting me visit you. They were worried I’d just upset you, make you worse.”

“And now what? You’re like some sort of test? Like if I can handle seeing you I’m labelled ‘sane’ enough to go home?”

“I don’t know. I guess so.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to see you.”

Dropping his hands she rose from the bed and walked over to the small window. On the other side all she could see was the hospital car park. The hot sun beat down on a random selection of cars, motorbikes and small vans. Small tufts of grass struggled through cracks in the baked bitumen. In the afternoons Buffy would sit by the window and watch staff members and visitors get into their cars and drive through the main gates and out of sight. She would think about all the things she would do when she made it back into the outside world. That car park wasn’t much to look at, but to her it was the most beautiful sight in the world, because it was freedom.

She felt William standing beside her but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. The combination of Spike and William, of old world and new, real world and…loved. It made her miss things and reminded her of their lack of substance all at the same time. It was too much.

Blinking back tears she tried for a little distraction. “Why don’t I remember you?” she asked accusingly.

He gave a short bewildered laugh. “What?” Disbelief was clear in his tone.

“My life before I became the slayer, before I moved to Sunnydale. I remember it. But I don’t remember you.”

She saw him swallow heavily as his eyes glazed over. “I don’t know. We knew each other for about a year before you came here. I didn’t realise you wouldn’t remember me at all.”

She’d hurt him. She could tell. And part of her wanted to try to make him feel better. “Maybe with some more time…”

She trailed off when he shook his head curtly. “Don’t worry about it love. Maybe I just didn’t mean so much to you after all.”

She frowned at the implication in his words. “What were we to each other? Before.”

For a moment he was silent, obviously still reeling from this newfound hole in her memories. “We were friends.”

“Friends,” she repeated in disbelief. “You’d visit a mental hospital for six years for all your friends?”

He threw her a look and she merely raised an eyebrow at him in response.

“We were close.”

His eyes were intense and she turned away, not quite sure she wanted to know. Spike’s voice sounded in her head. You’ll fight, you’ll shag and you’ll love each other till it kills you both but you’ll never be friends.

She couldn’t help but smile at the familiar memory. Then, giving herself a mental shake, she walked over to the door. Flinging it open she found her mother waiting anxiously on the other side. “I want to go home.”

**********

Her room was exactly as she remembered it. A single bed sat in the corner. Its white lace bedspread decorated with yellow daisies. Her dresser was covered in small bottles of perfumes and lotions. Opening the closet doors she looked at the multitude of fashions she’d loved so much. Most of them were hopelessly out of date now. Turning toward the bed she picked up Mister Gordo and held him tightly to her chest. Again Buffy looked at the familiar objects around her. Everything was in its place. And yet she remembered leaving here so clearly. “Dawn cried for a week,” she murmured sadly.

“Honey?” Joyce’s smiling, if somewhat wary, face appeared in the doorway. “Would you like something to eat?”

Suddenly curious about the rest of the house Buffy nodded. “Sure.”

As Joyce fixed them both some lunch Buffy wandered through the many rooms. There were a few new photos and knick knacks here and there, but otherwise it was just the same. She felt like she was in a dream, staring at the past like Alice through the looking glass.

“Mom?” Buffy sat at the kitchen table opposite her mother and began to pick at her food. “Will you tell me about William?”

Joyce tensed slightly and looked at Buffy through cautious eyes. “What has he told you?”

Shrugging, Buffy rolled her eyes. “We were close friends.”

Joyce nodded. “That’s true. He moved in next door about a year before…before you went to the hospital. His parents are still there. You two were pretty much inseparable from the time you met.”

“Were we…” Buffy paused, unsure how to word her question, “more than friends?”

Joyce smiled knowingly. “I think you were heading that way. I know he invited you to the Spring Dance. You were so excited.” Her expression clouded as she continued. “Then you started to change. You were anxious, secretive, you began pushing us all away, William included.” Tears began to gather in her eyes as she was overwhelmed by her memories. “It was William you first told about the vampires and how you’d been called to fight them.”

“I did?” Buffy exclaimed in surprise. “What did he do?”

“Tried to help you. He kept your secret at first. But when he realised you were getting worse and he couldn’t keep you safe he came to me. When you went to the hospital he was devastated. We all were.”

An image of Spike flashed in Buffy’s mind. He’d carried all her secrets too. The fact that she’d been in heaven not hell. The relationship they’d had. The darkness she’d sunk to. It seemed in every world she burdened him with her problems.

Chapter Three

Buffy pushed the last of her chocolate cake around on her plate, trying to think of a way to fill the awkward silence at the table. Glancing up she caught her parents sharing a worried look and she couldn’t help rolling her eyes.

Her welcome home dinner had gone smoothly at first. She’d asked her parents lots of questions about what they’d done over the last six years. In work, in life. They’d been eager to share and so the conversation had flowed. That had lasted until dessert.

Watching drops of condensation slide down the side of her water glass, Buffy wished absently that they would ask her what she’d done over the past six years. She would have liked to tell them about some of her adventures. About Willow and Xander and Giles. About Dawn. She knew that would never happen though. In fact, she was pretty sure they preferred to think that she’d been in a coma all this time and had no memories to show for it.

Unable to stand the silence any longer Buffy stood and began to clear the table. When Joyce and Hank both jumped up to help Buffy waved them away. “You go relax. I’ll clean up.”

They looked at each other again, obviously hesitant about leaving her alone for any length of time. Reigning in the urge to roll her eyes yet again Buffy took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Guys really. Thank you for my welcome home dinner. It was great. Now I’m just going to stack the dish washer. I’m fine really.”

“Of course you are,” Hank agreed a little too quickly. “We just don’t want you to take on too much too soon.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows incredulously. “It’s just the dishes.”

Looking abashedly at each other her parents mumbled something about her being absolutely right and hastily quit the room.

Shaking her head at them she returned to the task at hand. It had been six years since she’d stacked a dish washer. Even the house in Sunnydale hadn’t had one. But she was determined to do it in a neat, efficient, completely sane manner. If only to prove to her parents that she wasn’t the useless, fragile china doll they seemed to think she was.

As she worked she took in the room around her. Everything was white. The tiles on the floor, the bench tops, the cupboards. Even the crockery they ate off was a plain white. For a kitchen, the supposed ‘heart’ of the home, it seemed kind of…cold.

She missed the warmth of her kitchen in Sunnydale. It had been small and kind of basic, but it had been cosy. It had been a place of hot cocoas and late night chats. It’s weird, she thought glumly, that a place that never existed seemed to hold so much more life than this house.

Suddenly feeling hemmed in Buffy knew she had to get out of there. Even for just a little while. Quickly finishing the last of the dishes she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Her small bag of belongings, items she no longer remembered nor identified as her own, sat on the bed. After a moment’s pause she tore the bag open and upended it onto the bedspread. Briefly rummaging through the contents she found a small slip of paper. On it, written in a bold, elegant hand was the address and phone number of William Reynolds.

Before she could change her mind Buffy headed for the phone and dialled William’s number. She chewed on her bottom lip as she listened to it ring. Once. Twice. Maybe she shouldn’t call. Three. He might not want to hear from her. Four. Obviously he wasn’t home. Five. Maybe–

“Hello?”

Buffy tried to speak but suddenly her throat constricted and she couldn’t manage so much as a squeak.

“Hello? Is anybody there?”

Clearing her throat Buffy forced herself to speak. “Umm…hello.”

“Buffy? Is that you love?”

She briefly considered hanging up and hoping he thought it was a wrong number. But then she thought about spending the rest of the evening sitting downstairs with her parents while they tried to act normal and she shuddered. “Yes. It’s me. How are you?”

“I’m just fine pet.” There was a long pause. “I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you.”

“Oh. Well, I just got out of the hospital today.” She swallowed heavily, hoping he wasn’t regretting giving her his number.

“Ahh, it was about time they let you out of there. So how does your first taste of freedom feel?”

“Kind of strange,” she admitted. “Mom and Dad keep looking at me like I’m about to announce they’re both vampires and I’m going to slay them.”

She heard William chuckle softly. “They’re just worried I expect. You were in Sunnydale a long time. It takes a while to get used to the fact that you’re home for good.”

A smile touched her lips when he spoke the name of her much loved town. She hadn’t heard her parents mention it since that day she woke up in the hospital.

“William, I was wondering if you would…” Suddenly nervous she stumbled over the words.

“If I what pet?”

Closing her eyes tightly she took a deep breath and rushed through the rest of the sentence. “If you would like to get together?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone and Buffy kicked herself for forcing herself on him. “If you don’t want to–”

“I’d love to Buffy. When did you have in mind?”

Relief flooded her when she heard the smile in his voice and she couldn’t help but wonder why seeing William was suddenly so important to her.

“How’s now for you?”

**********

Buffy met her mother at the bottom of the stairs just as she was shrugging on a jacket.

“Buffy, I was just coming to look for you. Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah. I just thought I’d go for a walk.” She wasn’t sure why she didn’t tell her mother she was going to see William. All she knew was that she had to get out of the house and she didn’t want to answer a lot of questions.

The look of fear on Joyce’s face made her feel guilty for even considering leaving. “Are you sure you should go out? It’s only your first night home and remember Dr Callahan said you shouldn’t push yourself.”

“I know. But it doesn’t feel like I’m pushing. I just need some fresh air. I’ve been stuck in that hospital for weeks–”

“Years, Buffy,” Joyce reminded her emphatically. “You’ve been there for six years.”

Buffy sighed heavily as she realised her mistake. “I know Mom. It just doesn’t feel like years to me.” Unable to look her mother in the eye she quickly sidled around her. “Don’t worry,” she said brightly on her way out the door. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

Chapter Four

Buffy knocked on the door quietly, giving a little gasp of surprise when it jerked open almost immediately. William stood in front of her in faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was still damp from the shower he’d obviously just had and it curled softly over his forehead. Hmm yummy, she thought idly before dropping her eyes to the ground to hide her ogling.

“Hey pet. Come on in.”

Smiling her thanks Buffy walked into the apartment. Curiously she looked around, half expecting to find little more than one old armchair and a small black and white TV. Instead there was a plush three-seater couch and a large TV set sitting in an entertainment unit. Spying the large refrigerator in the nearby kitchen Buffy reminded herself that it was more likely to contain half-eaten pizza and off milk than bags of pig’s blood. William. This is William, not Spike. She frowned when she realised she didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed by that fact.

Turning to William, she smiled softly. “You have a nice place.”

William nodded. “Yeah it’s not bad. Comfy. Close to work. Coffee?”

“That’d be great.”

As William went about making the coffee Buffy continued to familiarise herself with the dimly lit living room. Apart from the couch and entertainment unit there was a coffee table and a small stand beside the couch for the telephone. The remainder of the room was dedicated to what was clearly William’s passion. Books. The walls were lined with bookcases that overflowed. Extra piles were stacked in front of them. Coming closer she was amazed at the variety she found amid the chaos. Fantasy. Science fiction. Thrillers. Classics. Dictionaries. Style Guides. Writing manuals.

“Are you a big reader love?”

Spike had appeared holding two steaming mugs, a biscuit barrel tucked under one arm.

“No,” Buffy replied. “Never had the time.”

They sat on either end of the couch and Buffy accepted her coffee, sipping it tentatively. They were silent for several minutes, neither quite sure what to say next.

Finally, indicating the mountain of books, Buffy asked hesitantly, “Are you a writer or something?”

William smiled wistfully. “Someday. I hope.” He sat his coffee on the low table in front of him and opened the biscuit barrel, offering it to her. “I studied literature and creative writing in college. Now I’m doing the whole starving writer thing. Except for the starving part. I manage a bookstore not far from here.”

“Have you ever published anything?”

He nodded proudly. “A couple of short stories in magazines. And I’ve won a couple of short story competitions. Now though I’m working toward publishing a novel.”

“And do you, umm, do you write other forms as well?”

William’s face turned stony as he looked at her with those intensely blue eyes. He was obviously upset by her question. “No.” He held her gaze firmly, as if to make sure she understood him completely. “I don’t write poetry.”

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat, confused once again by William’s refusal to identify in any way with the vampire. It had seemed a perfectly logical question to her. She had based Spike on William after all. Desperate to alleviate the tension in the room Buffy drained the last of her coffee in one large gulp, spluttering when the hot liquid scalded her mouth.

“Buffy are you alright?” The lack of expression on William’s face was quickly replaced by concern as he scooted forward to pat her on the back. “I’ll get you some water.”

He was halfway to the kitchen when Buffy got her voice back. “Have you got any beer?”

A few minutes later Buffy was taking a long pull on her beer when she heard William chuckle. “Take it easy there pet, something tells me this beer has a bit more of a kick than the stuff you drank in Sunnydale.”

“That depends.” Buffy grinned. “Will it turn me into a cave woman?”

William frowned. “Excuse me? A cave woman?”

“Yep. This bartender at the College was angry about how the students treated him. So he brewed this magic beer that turned whoever drank it into a Neanderthal.”

William stared at her in shock for a full minute before asking, “What happened?”

Buffy’s forehead wrinkled in bafflement. “Actually I don’t really remember much about it. Apparently I saved a bunch of people from a fire, oh and I hit Parker over the head. Man I wish I could have remembered that part cause it would have been sweet.” She giggled. “Apparently I sniffed Xander a lot too. I think he decided that we had compatible genes or something based solely on that.”

William snorted. “He was after you from the moment he laid eyes on you from what I heard.”

Buffy shrugged, blushing at the reminder of Xander’s long-ago crush on her.

“Who was Parker?”

She grimaced, still embarrassed by her naivety in sleeping with him. “Oh, nobody important. Just a guy I met at college.” Changing the topic she reached out to take William’s hand in hers. “Thank you.”

William finished his beer and placed the bottle on the table beside hers. “For what pet?”

“For not pretending I’ve been asleep for six years. My parents, they don’t mention Sunnydale at all. They only talk about me being in the hospital.”

William shook his head. “No.” He stroked her cheek softly, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “Your body was at the hospital. But your mind…” He touched his fingertips to her forehead as he spoke. “…it was somewhere else. You lived there for so long. I couldn’t visit you there, as much as I wanted to, but I won’t try to pretend you weren’t there.”

Buffy nodded. “I did. I lived there.” Sadness enveloping her as she remembered all that she’d left behind.” I…I ate the food and drank the water. I graduated high school and worked in lousing jobs. I felt the pain of my mother’s death.” Tears began to cascade down her face as she spoke. “I fell in love and had my heart broken. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had friends and enemies and I had…I had a sister.” Buffy’s voice broke and she fell sobbing into William’s arms. “Oh God Dawnie.”

William clutched her small shaking body against him. He would have done anything to stop her pain, but at the same time he knew she needed this release.

For a long time Buffy cried as if her heart would be broken forever. “I miss them,” she whispered when at last the tears subsided. “I miss them so much.”

**********

A long while later Buffy sat snuggled in William’s embrace. Her head lay comfortably on his chest. They spoke in low voices, the darkness shrouding them as if hiding them from the rest of the world.

“Wait a second. The demon was how big?”

“About two inches.”

“The great fear demon that had an entire frat house worth of students screaming to the rafters was two inches tall.”

Buffy smiled. “Uh-huh. Had a lot of trouble cleaning him off the bottom of my shoe though. For such a little guy he was grossly sticky.”

William laughed quietly. “I can understand why you name him as your most easily defeated foe. Alright then, what about the hardest. That Glory chick?”

Buffy shook her head, snuggling a little closer. “Angel,” she whispered sadly. “Even jumping off that tower after I beat Glory, I was okay. I knew it was what I was meant to do. But killing Angel…that was the hardest thing I ever did.” A single tear escaped from the corner of her eye and she brushed it away. “I loved him so much.” Not wanting to go down that path any further Buffy turned the question back on him. “What about you William? Have you ever been in love?”

She felt William’s chest rise and fall as he sighed. “No, not really. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends over the years but…nothing serious.”

“Really?”

“Well I thought I was falling in love once but…the girl…she had to go away. My life went on, but I never forgot about her.”

Buffy raised her head to look at him, a bittersweet smile on her lips. “You’re sweet,” she told him quietly. “I know I don’t remember you but…from what my Mom tells me, I think I must have been falling in love with you too.”

William smiled wistfully. “We were so young Buffy. Just 16 years old. But I reckon we would have been a great couple.”

Buffy returned her head to its warm spot on his chest. “Me too.”

Chapter Five

Slowly Buffy rose from the depths of sleep. Stirring slightly she smiled at the feel of strong arms surrounding her. Opening her eyes she tilted her head back to find sleepy blue eyes gazing down at her warmly in the dim light. Without thinking she lifted herself up sightly and pressed her lips against his. For a moment he was still, but then he kissed her back, slowly tasting her. One hand came up to caress her jaw with a feather light touch before sliding into her hair at the nap of her neck. Buffy sighed with relief, it was like she’d been lost for the longest time but now she’d finally come home. To him.

“Spike.” The word was barely a whisper, flowing out of her as she exhaled.

Instantly he went still; his mouth withdrawing from hers. The hands that had been so gentle closed in a vice-like grip around her upper arms, moving her firmly away.

Buffy frowned in confusion. Why had he stopped? He always wanted her. Spike would never…oh crap.

As her mind finally switched to ‘on’ mode Buffy’s eyes snapped open. William sat in front of her with his eyes tightly closed, his lips were pressed together in a hard line and he was breathing heavily through his nose.

“William?” She touched a hand to his cheek and he flinched. “I’m so sorry–”

“Don’t!” Pushing her away William sprang to his feet, pacing the lounge room with long agitated strides. Turning to face her he pinned her with accusing eyes. “I’m not him Buffy. I can’t be him for you.”

“I know,” she said quietly, her eyes fixed on her hands as she clenched them in her lap. “I’m sorry. You just…you look like him and I just woke up and I…I guess forgot where I was for a moment.”

“And you thought you were back where you wanted to be.” His voice was resigned, his shoulders slumped in defeat. “With him.”

Buffy was opening her mouth to speak when there was a pounding on the door. Dragging his eyes from hers, William went to answer it. Before he even opened the door fully Joyce came bursting into the apartment, her eyes frantic. “William, I’m so sorry to barge in but I need your help. Buffy went for a walk and she hasn’t come home. I need–” Joyce stopped abruptly as she spied Buffy getting up from the couch. “Buffy.”

“Mom. I’m sorry. I was just visiting William and…I guess I must have dosed off.”

For a moment Joyce just stood there, still as a statue. Then her eyes drifted closed and her face crumpled in anguish.

“Mom! What’s wrong?”

A manic laugh tore from Joyce’s throat. “What’s wrong? How can you ask me what’s wrong?” You were locked up in that hospital for six years!” she yelled, her voice quickly taking on a hysterical note. “Then your first night home you disappear for hours, I have no idea where you are, and all you can say is you guess you dosed off?”

Buffy cringed as she realised what she’d put her mother through by not telling her where she was going. Rushing forward she enveloped the older woman in her arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“I can’t lose you Buffy.” Joyce clutched onto her daughter as if she was drowning and Buffy was her only lifeline. “Not again.”

“You won’t lose me.” Buffy held her mother’s face between her hands and smiled at her reassuringly. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Looking over her mother’s shoulder, Buffy found William standing quietly near the front door, watching them. “William, would you mind getting Mom some water?”

He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen while Buffy led her mother over to the couch.

“I really am sorry Mom,” Buffy said again. “I promise I’ll always let you know where I’m going from now on. It’s just that I’ve been coming and going as I pleased for so long. I guess I’m just not used to having to answer to anyone anymore.”

“No Buffy.” Joyce’s teeth were gritted in frustration. “You haven’t gone anywhere. You haven’t answered to anyone because you haven’t been lucid enough to give a straight answer for years.”

Jerking back at her mother’s harsh words Buffy sprang up from the couch and walked over to stare blindly out the window. Silent tears trailed down her cheeks as Giles’ face swam before her eyes. She wondered what his advice would be now. Give it time Buffy. You don’t have to figure it all out in one go. Buffy smiled wistfully at the familiar voice that echoed from somewhere within the recesses of her mind. Oddly, she felt comforted by it. Taking a deep breath she turned to see William offering her mother a glass of water.

“Actually William I’d really just like to take Buffy home,” Joyce was saying brusquely.

Sighing, Buffy walked back over to them and placed a comforting hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Yes. Let’s go home,” she told her.

Looking surprised at Buffy’s easy agreement Joyce said a quick goodbye to William and headed for the door.

Lingering, Buffy turned to William. “I’m really sorry for this mess. I guess I never should have come. I’m just screwing everything up.”

“Nonsense love,” he denied, shaking his head. “I want you to feel like you can come here any time you like.”

She looked up at him hopefully. “You’re not angry with me then?”

William knew she wasn’t talking about the scene with her mother, but about their earlier kiss and the fact that she’d called him Spike.

“No,” he replied. “Look I’m sorry about before. I know this is harder on you than anyone. I want to be there for you any way I can.”

Buffy smiled in relief. “Thank you. It’s nice to know I have a friend.” She reached out to hug him and was grateful when he returned her embrace.

“Always,” he murmured low into her ear.

Pulling away Buffy said good night and followed her mother out the door.

Chapter Six

“Hello?”

“Hey Buffy. It’s Will.”

“Hey! How are you?”

“Great. And yourself?”

“Oh, peachy with a side of keen. That’s me.”

She heard William chuckle on the other end of the line. “What?”

“Nothing pet. That’s just a Buffyism I haven’t heard in a long time.”

Buffy smiled, grateful that he couldn’t see her blush.

“So I’m getting off work in an hour and I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner.”

Her smile widened as she twirled the phone cord between her fingers. “I’d love to.”

**********

Buffy looked up nervously from her menu. William had taken her to a lovely little Italian restaurant just a few doors down from the bookstore where he worked. The whole street was full of an odd collection of shops, cafés and restaurants and the area teemed with people enjoying their Friday night out.

“Everything okay love?”

Buffy jerked her eyes back to William’s concerned face and she nodded quickly. “Yeah, I just…haven’t been around this many people since I got back. So I guess I haven’t been around this many people in over six years…as my mother would be quick to point out.”

“Problems at home?”

“I just know that she’s scared I’ll go away again. I’m trying to reassure her, make her feel more at ease but…it’s not easy.”

William’s head tilted to the left as he looked at her. “Have you been out of the house at all since I saw you last week?”

Buffy shrugged dismally. “Mom took me to see my doctor on Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Oh that would have been a laugh riot.”

“Yeah. You could say that.”

“Did she have a problem with you coming out with me tonight?”

“Well, I think she considers you an adequate Buffy-sitter. But…” Cringing with embarrassment Buffy opened her purse and pulled out a small mobile phone. “I’ve been instructed to carry this at all times and answer promptly when it rings. Plus she drove me here and dropped me directly outside the front door of the bookstore.”

William smiled sympathetically. “Yikes.”

“Yeah.” Buffy laughed. “I put my foot down when she tried to give me a curfew.”

“That settles it. You need to have some fun.” William indicated the wine list on the table. “How about we start by ordering a bottle of wine?”

Buffy nodded emphatically. “Yes please.”

He handed her the wine list with a flourish. “Ladies choice. Anything you feel like pet.”

Looking through the list Buffy bit her bottom lip, unsure what to choose.

“If you’d prefer I can choose,” William said quietly, sensing her hesitation.

Buffy glanced up at him, still holding the list tightly. “When I lived in LA…before…I only tried wine once. At a Christmas party my parents held. I remember…a couple of years ago I complained to Willow that all wine tasted the same to me.” She shook her head in amazement. “Now I know why. All wine tasted like the only wine I’d ever actually had.” The words on the list in front of her blurred as her eyes filled with tears.

She felt a warm hand on hers and looked up to see William smiling at her warmly. “In that case it’s time to experiment. Let’s order a different wine by the glass with each course and then we can see what you like.”

Immediately comforted by his practical suggestion, Buffy smiled coyly. “Are you trying to get me drunk sir?”

William waggled his eyebrows in a Spike-like move that made her breath catch. “Hell yeah. I want to see how fast I can corrupt you.”

**********

“And you never thought about going back to England?”

William shrugged. “Not really. I might not have been too impressed when my parents moved me here but, after a while, it grew on me. My parents are still here, I have friends, a job I enjoy. I’m part of the local writing community and I’m trying to further my career.” William gave a contented sigh. “I have a good life here. There’s no reason for me to go back.”

“Did you always want to be a writer?”

“Not always. I always loved to write but it wasn’t until I was almost finished high school that I realised I could make money doing it. In fact, you suggested it.”

Delighted surprise lit her eyes. “I did?”

Grinning, William lifted his glass to her in salute before drinking. “Yep.”

Buffy nodded in approval of her own actions. “Yay me.” Turning serious she added, “It must be nice to do something that you love.”

“Yeah, it is,” William agreed readily. “Of course, it would help it that something paid the bills.”

Buffy laughed, picking up her wine glass to sip the smooth dark liquid. It was delicious; and not like anything she’d ever tasted before.

“What about you love?” William asked suddenly. “What are you going to do with yourself now that you’re back?”

Buffy shrugged a little dejectedly. “I have no idea,” she admitted. “At least in Sunnydale I had been to college for a couple of semesters. Here I haven’t even finished high school.” She rolled her eyes, cringing. “God, when I think of all the stress I went through trying to fight evil and pass finals at the same time. Now I have nothing to show for it.”

“Well, there’s a community college that teaches classes for adults wanting their high school diploma. We carry some of the text books at the store. If you wanted to graduate you could probably do it at night in under a year.”

“I suppose,” Buffy murmured, considering the suggestion. “That would just leave the matter of getting a job. I do not want to live with my parents forever.” Buffy fiddled with the stem of her wine glass. “I love them…I do. But I miss my independence, you know?”

William nodded. “Absolutely. I couldn’t even imagine living with my parents again now that I’ve been out on my own.”

“Exactly.”

“There’s more,” William murmured, noticing the sadness in Buffy’s eyes. “Tell me?”

She smiled a little at his perceptiveness. “Sometimes I think about living out on my own and I want that but…it would be so different this time. I would be…alone.”

For a moment William was unsure what she meant but then it clicked. “You wouldn’t have Dawn,” he said quietly.

At the sound of her sister’s name Buffy drained her wine glass. When that was done she stared at the empty glass as if it held the answer to the troubles of the world. “When Mom died I was forced to become responsible and independent but…I was never alone. I had to become the mother; I had to take care of her. Now when I think about becoming my own person…I can’t imagine not having that responsibility. I wonder if I’ll be lonely.”

They sat in silence for a moment, then William reached out to brush her fingers with his. “You wish you could see her again don’t you?”

Buffy smiled as Dawn’s face, looking every bit the petulant teenager, appeared in her mind. “Every day,” she whispered, finally raising her eyes to William’s once again. “I dream about her every night. About all of them actually.” She quickly swiped at a tear that threatened to fall. “Dawn was so scared that I didn’t want to be with her after Willow brought me back to life.” She gave a harsh bark of laughter. “If only she could see me now.”

“I think she can see you,” William affirmed, clasping her hand tightly. “She would want you to be happy.”

Sniffing, Buffy frowned at William. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Talk about them as if they were real people. I’ve had people barraging me with the fact that they were figments of my imagination since I woke up. But you talk as if I just packed up and moved here from Sunnydale. I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I,” William interjected. “But for all those years they were as real to you as I am now. Who the hell am I to say they weren’t real?” He shrugged, draining his own wine glass in one long swallow. “There are things in this world that can’t be explained by anyone Buffy. As far as I’m concerned your Sunnydale is one of them.”

Buffy looked at him askance. “So you aren’t just humouring me or anything? Cause that would be patronising you know.”

William chuckled. “If I were patronising you you’d know pet. I just can’t seem to help but think of them all as real people, even though I don’t really know what they looked like or sounded like.”

“So then why do you hate Spike so much?” Buffy blurted out, surprising them both with her question. More hesitantly she added, “Given that I based him on you after all.”

William just stared at her for the longest time. She thought she saw a deep hurt in his eyes, buried beneath the usual hardness that appeared whenever she mentioned his alter-ego. She squirmed uncomfortably in her chair, wondering if she should just change the topic. Then he finally spoke.

“Given that you based him on me,” William said slowly, his voice rough with some unexpressed emotion. “Maybe the question you should be asking is…why did you hate him so much?”

Chapter Seven

“Will, where are we going?”

“There’s a small club at the end of this street. Nothing flashy. Just a bar and a small dance floor with a DJ. I know how you used to love to dance.” He looked at her sideways. “You do still dance don’t you?”

“Of course.” There was a moment’s silence before she asked, “Do you dance?”

He cringed. “Not really. I mean yeah I can get out there but it’s usually for the slow songs where you don’t have to move around so much. Anything more complicated and I end up looking like a monkey having an epileptic fit.”

When Buffy finally stopped laughing she was clutching onto William’s arm to stay upright. “I am so not getting up to dance by myself.”

William suddenly looked a little hesitant. “Yeah. Actually a few friends of mine will be there tonight. Including a couple of girls that will dance with anyone to anything.”

Buffy slowed down, suddenly anxious.

William came to stand in front of her, his hands gently clasping her forearms. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just thought you might like to meet a few new people.” He shrugged. “You’ll get sick of hanging out with just me eventually.”

Buffy took a moment to steady herself. Finally, she looked up at William. “Do they know about me?”

William shook his head. “They don’t know a thing. You’ve always been kind of…private, for me. You have a special place here,” he said quietly, placing one hand on his chest, “that I didn’t want to share with anyone.” He smiled broadly. “Until now.”

“Plus you know it’s not exactly the done thing. Having a friend that’s stark raving mad.”

William frowned. “Buffy that’s not it–“

“Don’t.” Buffy held up a hand to silence him. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t hold it against you if that was partly the truth.” Taking a deep breath she took his hand in hers and began leading him down the street. “Let’s go meet your friends.”

**********

The club was dimly lit. Comfortable chairs were arranged haphazardly around low tables. The small dance floor at the back of the room was filled without being overcrowded. The whole place was kind of…cozy. Buffy felt herself begin to relax immediately.

“Drink pet?”

Buffy nodded. “Just water for me please. After all that wine I need to clear my head a little.”

Grinning broadly William teased, “And here I had plans to take advantage of you later.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows at him. “Try it and I might have to kick your arse.”

“Only might?” He winked at her before taking hold of her hand again. “Come on.”

They’d just ordered their drinks at the bar when a tall dark-haired man clapped William on the back. “Hey man. I didn’t think you were coming tonight.”

“Change of plans,” William told him. “Zac, I want you to meet Buffy. Buffy, this is Zac.”

Zac took one look at Buffy and immediately dropped down on one knee, taking her hands between his. “Good evening my most beauteous of ladies. I am ever so pleased to make your acquaintance.” He kissed the back of one of her hands with a flourish.

Laughing, Buffy looked incredulously at William, who simply shrugged. “He’s the actor in the bunch.”

“Right…okay.” Buffy looked back down into Zac’s upturned face and spouted, “Why thank you kind sir. I cannot recall when last I met such a fine and courteous gentleman.”

Zac bounced to his feet energetically. “You hear that man? She thinks you’re a rude bastard. I like her already.”

**********

Buffy tried to get her racing pulse under control as she followed William and Zac across the room. Looking down at her water glass she decided she should have ordered something stronger.

“Evening all,” William announced as they approached a table with three people seated around it. He had just turned with the intention of introducing Buffy when Zac beat him to the punch.

“Guys this is Buffy.” He waggled his eyebrows. “She’s the new love of my life.”

A curvy brunette rolled her eyes and smiled at Buffy. “Don’t take any notice of him. He has a new love of his life every week.” She held out her hand in greeting. “I’m Kate. This is Abby.” She indicated the short-haired blonde sitting beside her. Then she pointed to a man with sandy blonde hair that sat quietly in the corner. “And that’s Ben.”

“Hi.” Buffy smiled brightly, praying to God she didn’t stuff this up. “It’s nice to meet you all.” She accepted the seat William pulled out for her, murmuring her thanks.

“How has everyone’s night been?” William asked.

Abby made an ‘ugh’ sound at the back of her throat. “The music has sucked. We’ve been begging Rob for something danceable but he seems determined to accommodate the drinkers tonight. All low key and moody.”

“How do you guys all know each other?” Buffy asked, hoping to make a good impression by being involved in the conversation.

William explained, “Kate and I went to college together. Kate and Abby have been friends since they were kids. Ben’s in the local writer’s group with me. And we all met Zac when he used to tend bar here. He kept giving Kate and Abby double shots when they paid for singles. Made him very popular.”

“Hey I’m an actor. What do I know about pouring drinks?” Zac defended with a sly grin. Leaning forward to grab a handful of peanuts from a bowl in the middle of the table he asked, “So Buffy, how do you and Will know each other?”

“Ahhh…we went to high school together,” she replied.

Zac turned a mock glare on William. “You’ve been hiding this lovely woman from us since high school? That’s just selfish man.”

William just shrugged. “Buffy moved away before the end of school. She just got back to town a couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh really? Where did you move to?” Kate asked innocently.

Buffy’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times as she panicked. What the hell was she supposed to say? That she moved to an imaginary world full of vampires and demons and set up shop there?

“It was a small town up the coast. Wasn’t it love?”

Buffy looked at William and saw the encouragement in his eyes. She smiled, comforted by his reassuring presence. “Yeah.” She turned back to the group with more confidence. “But I’m back in LA now. And I’m here to stay.”

Chapter Eight

Buffy was on the dance floor with Kate and Abby. The music had finally changed to an up-tempo beat and the moment it had the two friends had dragged her up to dance with them. Buffy had just laughed as she willingly went with them. Now, William found himself staring at her as her body swayed and turned with the heavy beat of the music. She glowed with pleasure as she moved, her golden hair bouncing around her smiling face. It was like her spirit had been liberated from some oppressive darkness and she was finally free. It was like…her bag was ringing. William dragged his eyes away from Buffy’s provocative image to look for her purse. That has to be Joyce checking in, he decided.

Not wanting to disturb Buffy when she was obviously having a good time, William unclipped her purse and grabbed the phone from inside. He looked at the caller ID; not surprised when it said HOME. He answered it. “Hello Joyce.”

“Who is this?”

He could tell she was already panicking; having expected to hear Buffy answer the phone. “It’s Will. How are you this evening?”

“Oh William. I’m fine. Where is Buffy?”

“Currently?” He smiled as he glanced at Buffy and saw her raising her arms into the air in sheer abandon as she lost herself to the music. “She’s gettin’ jiggy with it.”

“Excuse me?” He could practically see her frowning at his words.

“She’s dancing. We’re at Freestylers. It’s a club on Chat Street.”

“Oh. So everything’s okay then?”

William looked up to see Buffy coming toward him. She’d obviously seen him talking on her phone.

“Everything’s fine. Here’s Buffy now.” He handed her the phone. “It’s your Mum.”

“Thanks.” She smiled gratefully and moved a short distance away from the table to use the phone.

“Okay man, time to spill.”

William turned to see Zac sitting in the chair beside him. “Spill about what?”

Zac just rolled his eyes. “About you and Buffy doofus. What’s the story with you two?”

William considered his words carefully before he spoke. “It’s like we said earlier. We’re old friends. She’s just moved back to town and we’re catching up. End of story.”

“So you aren’t dating?”

“No.”

Zac just shot him a knowing look and chuckled quietly. “You will be.”

William looked up sharply. “Why do you say that?’

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Abby declared as she and Kate rejoined them. “The way you look at her. The way she looks at you. It’s not rocket science Will.”

William looked at Buffy just as she was hanging up the phone. When she walked back over to them he asked, “Everything okay love?”

“Yeah.” She smiled but he could see the tension in her eyes. “But I should probably be getting home. Is that okay?”

“Of course.” Spike rose from the table. “We’ll be off. Night all.”

“It was great to meet you all,” Buffy added with a bright smile. “I hope to see you again soon.”

A chorus of nods and murmurs of ascent followed them out the door.

**********

William rubbed his palms together in agitation as he walked Buffy to her door. He took a sidelong glance at her, trying to gauge her mood. He wanted to kiss her goodnight. He really wanted to kiss her. But did he dare?

She’d been through so much recently. So many changes. It had to be overwhelming. Their relationship was just a small part of that and the last thing he wanted to do was push her. They were only just reconnecting as friends. Hell, this wasn’t even a real date. Was it? Damn it, he cursed to himself. I feel like I’m right back in high school.

“Thanks for tonight Will,” Buffy said softly, breaking into his jumbled thoughts. “I had a really good time.” She smiled up at him with those sparkling green eyes and William felt like he’d been gut punched. God she was beautiful.

“You’re welcome,” he croaked, forcing what he hoped was a pleasant ‘I’m not picturing ravishing you up against that door’ smile. “I had a good time too.”

“Great.” Buffy looked pleased by his comment. “I really like your friends. Thank you for taking me to meet them.”

“No problem pet.” He shrugged. “I want you to be a part of my life so…”

They stood a little awkwardly for a moment. Then a thought suddenly occurred to William and he latched onto it. “Oh hey, I was going to ask you if you’d meet me for coffee tomorrow. I’d like to talk to you about something.”

Though she was obviously baffled by the invitation, Buffy nodded without hesitation. “Sure. What time?”

“Say about 11 o’clock? At the store?”

“Okay.” She looked down into her purse for a moment, pulling out her keys. “Well…I guess I should go inside.” Despite her words she made no move to open the door.

William fought back a grin. Well if you wanted a signal, he told himself, that’s it.

Taking a step forward he closed the distance between them until they were almost touching. Gently stroking one finger along her jaw and under her chin, he tilted her head back. He saw the confused mixture of fear and excitement in her eyes and knew he had to tread lightly.

Leaning in he pressed his lips to hers. He slid one hand across her cheek, trailing it slowly down her neck. With great difficulty he forced his other hand to stay by his side, knowing that if he wrapped his arms around her, he’d be lost.

He pulled back slightly when he felt her mouth open to deepen the kiss. Allowing his lips to whisper across hers, he spoke. “Goodnight Buffy.”

She whimpered quietly and, though every fibre of his being urged him to stay, he turned and walked down the steps.

He was halfway to his car when he turned abruptly to see Buffy still standing on the porch where he’d left her. “Hey Buffy?”

She made a questioning sound, obviously still distracted by their kiss.

“See you tomorrow.” He grinned, throwing her a wink before hopping into his car. As he pulled away he couldn’t help the ear-to-ear smile that spread across his face. If his idea worked out the way he hoped, he and Buffy would be seeing a lot more of each other from now on.

Chapter Nine

Buffy was just pouring sugar into her latte when William suddenly spoke.

“So I guess you’re wondering why I asked you here.”

Apprehension stirred in Buffy’s stomach but she squashed it firmly. Everything’s fine, she reminded herself. He just wants to chat. “Yeah, I am kind of curious.”

He looked nervous and, despite her assurances to herself, Buffy found she was bracing herself for what he was going to say next.

“Okay here goes,” he said with a deep breath. “You know how you said last night that you want to get a job?”

“Yeah,” she replied cautiously.

“Well I’ve been trying to talk the owner of the store into hiring an extra person for a good three months now. That place is busy and I know we’re losing customers because I can’t get to everyone in time. So, when I told her that I have someone who would be perfect for the job, she finally agreed.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open in shock. Of all the things she’d imagined he might say to her, that didn’t even remotely resemble any of them. “You’re offering me a job?”

He smiled excitedly. “Yeah pet. If you want it.”

Wow, Buffy thought. A real job; like a normal, sane person. And not a single double meat medley in sight. “And you think I’m perfect for the job huh?” She raised one dubious eyebrow.

“Okay, okay, so you’d have some reading to do to acquaint yourself with the most popular authors and stuff but still…what do you think? Are you interested?”

Buffy smiled as she thought about it for a moment. “Yes. I think I am.” She nodded, warming up to the idea. “So what…do I go for an interview or something?”

Raising his arms with a flourish William smiled happily. “This is your interview. I am the manager after all.”

Buffy laughed at his excitement. “Are you sure about this? I don’t know anything about working in a bookstore and I don’t want to hurt your reputation with your boss.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re a smart woman Buffy; you’ll pick it up in no time. Plus it will give you something to put on your resume when you decide what you want to do next.”

Buffy heaved a huge sigh of relief as she slumped back in her chair. He wanted to talk about a job, she thought, shaking her head in wonder.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” William asked, a bemused expression on his face.

Unable to help the small laugh that escaped her Buffy replied, “Oh it’s nothing. I just…I was worried that maybe you were going to give me bad news or something.”

He frowned. “What kind of bad news?”

“Oh like maybe you didn’t want to be friends anymore. Or didn’t want to spend as much time together.”

Obviously taken aback, William asked, “What on earth would make you think that? I did ask you to coffee before I kissed you, you know.”

Buffy grinned, remembering their all too brief but unforgettable kiss. “I know,” she groaned, embarrassed now that she’d even brought this up. “I guess finding out you’ve been living in la-la-land for a good portion of your formative years isn’t a great confidence builder.”

“I thought we were past all that.”

William’s words were quiet and Buffy realised that she’d hurt him. Reaching out she covered his hand with hers, her eyes meeting his. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He shrugged, as if dismissing the whole conversation. “I got something for you; in case you did say yes.” He picked up a bag from beside the table and handed it to her.

Reaching inside Buffy pulled out a copy of The Divinci Code. She looked up with a grin. “This is the start of all that reading I have to do hey?”

“Oh yeah baby,” he teased, a mischievous light in his eyes. “This is just the beginning. I’m gonna work you like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Hmmm,” Buffy couldn’t help but tease back. “That sounds oddly…exhilarating.”

William gave a low chuckle and Buffy felt a pleasant shiver trickle down her spine. Turning to a more serious topic for a moment she said, “Thanks Will. For believing in me. For giving me this chance.”

He smiled broadly. “Anytime.”

**********

It was a stormy Tuesday afternoon and no customers had come into the bookstore since lunchtime. Buffy and William were stacking the shelves with new stock while a Nickelback CD played in the background.

“I never did like dummies. Syd did not make me change my mind about them.” She shivered. “Wiggins, every time.”

The sight of William nearly falling down with laughter made her pause in her stacking with a pile of books still tucked into the crook of one arm. “What’s so funny?”

Trying desperately to catch his breath William gasped, “I’ve just got this image in my head of you getting hit on by a two foot wooden dummy. Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘getting a hard on’.” Then he dissolved into laughter again.

“Oh that is so sad.” Shaking her head at his levity Buffy found herself laughing with him. “He did have some pretty bad pick-up lines.” She giggled suddenly. “At least he never mentioned having a woody.”

William cringed dramatically as he headed for the back of the store. “Buffy Buffy Buffy. And you said my joke was sad.”

Buffy affected a tone of complete superiority. “Well, you know, I didn’t want to make you feel bad by pulling something uproariously funny out of thin air.”

A loud snort came from the back room. “Liar,” he yelled.

Spying him coming back toward her Buffy grabbed a nearby sheet of paper and scrunched it up into a ball.

Twack.

William’s head snapped up in surprise. “You threw that at me.”

Buffy looked innocently up from her work. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

An evil glint appeared in William’s eye as he pulled some paper out of the folder he was holding and scrunched it up. “I am so going to get you for that.”

Buffy’s shriek of laughter was so loud it could be heard all the way out in the street, even over the sound of the pouring rain.

Chapter Ten

“I think I’m going to die,” Joyce groaned loudly as she sank into a kitchen chair.

Buffy laughed and heaved a dozen different shopping bags onto the table. “Don’t worry too much. I know the perfect cure for shopping overdose. One cup of tea coming up.”

Sighing dramatically, Joyce relaxed into her chair. “You are a godsend.”

“I know,” Buffy replied with mock arrogance.

As they drank their tea, Joyce practically beamed with delight over their day out together. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into that red dress.”

“Are you kidding? You look fantastic in that dress,” Buffy assured her. “Now you just have to insist that Dad take you out on the town so you can wear it.”

Joyce perked up at the idea. “It has been a long time since we went out.”

“See?” Buffy grinned sheepishly. “I know children are supposed to be grossed out by the thought of their parents being romantic. But I believed you guys were divorced for so long that I kind of get a kick out of it.”

Seeing a flash of disquiet cross Joyce’s face, Buffy could have kicked herself for mentioning anything to do with her time in Sunnydale. She’d been trying very hard not to bring it up lately because she knew it only upset her mother.

“Well, we’re not divorced and we have no plans to get divorced. We’re happy now so there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

Buffy frowned. “Wait a minute. What do you mean you’re happy now? Mom, was there a time when you weren’t happy?”

“Buffy, every couple has ups and downs, especially when you’ve been married for as long as your father and I have.”

Unconvinced, Buffy prodded a little further. “Were you and Dad going to get a divorce?”

For a long moment Joyce sat staring at her, as if deciding how she should respond. Then she took a sudden deep breathe, looking down at her empty tea cup. “We talked about it a long time ago. But we decided to try again, and here we are.”

“When?”

The reluctant look on Joyce’s face told Buffy everything she needed to know. “Oh God. It was my fault, wasn’t it?”

“No.” Joyce’s suddenly vehemence tone made Buffy jump. Her mother’s eyes held hers firmly as Joyce spoke. “It absolutely was not because of you. It was around the time you went to the hospital, yes. But what happened between your father and I was absolutely not your fault.”

“Then what–”

“I’d really rather not talk about it Buffy.” Her eyes were downcast; her voice quiet. “Some things are just…private.”

Buffy nodded, understanding her mother’s need to keep the details to herself, despite the face that she was desperate to know more.

“Besides,” Joyce said cheerily, as if shrugging off the sombre mood of the previous conversation. “As I said, we’re happy now. That’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah. It is.” After a moment she added, “I’m really glad you’re still together.”

Joyce smiled. “So am I honey. So am I.”

**********

A week later, Buffy skipped down the stairs shortly after dinner, shrugging on a light jacket.

“Mom? Dad? I’m heading out for a while.”

Hank quickly rounded the corner. “Buffy, can’t you stay home tonight? You know how much your mother worries when you go out at night.”

Resisting the urge to groan in frustration, Buffy headed for the living room, her father following behind her.

“Mom? I’m just going to go to Freestyler’s with Will and some friends.”

Joyce frowned, concern etched deeply on her face. “Do you really have to go out again?”

Buffy was perplexed at the emphasis her mother put on the last word. “Mom, I haven’t left the house, except to go to work, since we went shopping last week.”

“I just don’t like you wandering around the streets at night. It’s not safe.”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy tried again. “I’m hardly wandering the streets. I’m going to have a few drinks with friends and then I’m coming home.”

“You’re drinking?” Hank’s voice suddenly sounded behind her. “Do you think that’s wise honey?”

“Right now?” She rounded on him in exasperation. “It’s sounding better and better all the time.”

Joyce jumped up from the couch. “Now Buffy, you’re too young–”

“Enough!” They both fell silent at her sudden shout. Seeing that she’d gotten their attention, she continued in a quieter voice. “I know that you’re just trying to protect me, but I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m a grown woman now and I’m capable of making my own decisions.”

Joyce’s concerned expression quickly turned to a glower. “Oh don’t pull that age argument on me. You may be twenty-two but you’ve been in that hospital since you were sixteen. You don’t have any experience–”

“Yes I do!” Buffy glared at her parents, her control snapping as she felt anger flood her body. “When I lived in Sunnydale, I was forced to make life and death decisions everyday. I’ve faced more messy ethical dilemmas and borne more responsibility than you could possibly imagine. Do you really think deciding whether to have an extra shot of vodka is going to stump me?”

She saw the apprehensive looks on their faces at her outburst but she didn’t care anymore. She wasn’t going to collapse under the first sign of pressure and it was time they realised that.

Her father stepped forward then, his hand held out in front of him in a protective manner, as if he was suddenly scared of what she might to. “Now Buffy honey. Please, you have to remember that none of that was real.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy threw up her hands with a load groan. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me that they didn’t ‘really happen’.” She drew quotation marks in the air to emphasis her last words. “Those experiences, real or not, are a part of who I am. No one can take them away from me. Not you, not the doctors, no one.”

The sound of knocking on the front door startled all three of them.

“That’ll be Will,” Buffy told them quietly. “I’m leaving now. I have my phone if you need me. I won’t be late.”

Turning away from them before they had a chance to reply, Buffy left the house.

Chapter Eleven

“I feel so much better now,” Buffy declared as she and Abby made their way off the dance floor and to the table they were sharing with William and Zac.

“Tell me about it,” Abby replied. “This was exactly what I needed after a rotten week at work. I’m so glad you came tonight Buffy.”

“Thanks.” Buffy smiled. “So am I. But speaking of work–” She looked down at her watch. “Oh damn, look at the time.” Buffy drained the last of her drink and grabbed her purse. “If I’m going to open the store tomorrow I have got to go home and get some sleep.”

“Come on Buffy,” Zac argued. “You can’t leave yet. The sun has barely even set.”

Buffy laughed incredulously. “Zac, it’s nearly midnight!”

“Uh-huh!” Zac pointed an excited finger in the air. “The witching hour is at hand. If you leave now you’ll be devoured by witches and vampires and all manner of nasty things.”

Momentarily startled by his choice of words, Buffy glanced sideways at William, who simply shrugged. “Yeah well,” she said, deciding to play along, “my best friend where I used to live was a witch. And vampires are easy; you just have to know where to put the stake.”

William burst out laughing at the baffled look on Zac’s face. “Come on love,” he said, coming out of his chair. “I’ll walk you home.”

“No, that’s okay.” She waved him back down. “You should stay and enjoy your night. It’s not that far. I’ll be fine.”

William frowned. “Are you sure?”

She smiled at his thoughtfulness. “I’ll be fine,” she said again. “Bye everyone.” With a quick wave she left and started down the street toward home.

She’d barely cleared the block when she heard a voice in front of her. “Hey honey, you need a ride?”

Buffy looked up and saw a large, rough looking man leaning casually against a beat up old car. A cigarette dangled carelessly from his long fingers. His eyes roamed her body lustfully and Buffy felt her stomach roll at the look on his face.

“No thanks,” she said firmly and began to walk passed him.

“Oh come on baby,” he drawled, falling into step just behind her. “I saw you dancing in there. I know what you need to satisfy the fire between those skinny legs.”

Without thought, Buffy turned and punched his leering face. Barely flinching at her strike, he grabbed her by the wrist and wrenched her body up against his. “Why you little bitch,” he snarled. Grabbing her other wrist he forced her arms behind her back till she was pressed hard against him. “Somebody needs to teach you a lesson, little girl.”

Buffy could smell whiskey on his breath and almost retched. Struggling hard, she cried out in frustration when she was unable to break free of his ruthless grip.

“That’s right honey,” he laughed cruelly. “I like it when you struggle.”

Stilling immediately Buffy drew a deep breath, but when she opened her mouth to scream for help he crushed his mouth against hers. Gagging as his tongue thrust into her mouth, she bit down hard.

Roaring with pain he shoved her away, but before she could make a move to run a thick beefy arm appeared out of nowhere. She felt like her head exploded as she fell to the pavement. The taste of blood filled her mouth and suddenly, one thought erupted in her mind. I can’t stop him.

There was an angry shout in the distance, followed by the sound of approaching footsteps and she cried for help, the word getting mangled by her injured tongue. She heard her attacker curse violently before he jumped into his car. The sound of shrieking tyres signalled his hasty departure.

“Buffy!” The sound of William’s voice made her look up. Relief filled her as she saw him kneel down beside her. He drew her into his arms and the feel of his warmth surrounding her broke the last of her self-control. With an agonised cry she collapsed against him, sobs wracking her body.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he asked when at last her tears stopped.

“I-I couldn’t stop him,” she whispered, staring into space. “He was too strong. I fought back but…I couldn’t stop him.”

“He was a big guy Buffy. I’m not surprised,” William tried to reassure her.

Pulling away from him she looked up into his face. “No, you don’t understand. I couldn’t stop him!”

William stared at her, realisation slowly dawning on his face. “Buffy–”

“I’m used to protecting myself Will. Now I can’t even fight off some random asshole?” She shook her head forcefully in denial and wrenched herself up from the pavement. Limping slightly she began to march toward home, with William following at a quick pace. “I don’t know how to do this – how to be weak like this. Just another girl. I don’t know how. I’ll end up hiding under the bed.”

“It’ll be okay Buffy.”

“Will it?” She halted abruptly to stare at him with agonised eyes. “I’m used to going where I want when I want and not thinking twice about it. I was afraid of demons and hell gods, not people. Not pathetic drunks who don’t know how to take no for an answer.” She started to sob as the reality hit her anew. She couldn’t protect herself anymore. She was no slayer; she was nobody.

“Oh God.” She sank back down to the ground as she felt her world crumble around her. “I really am crazy. Thinking I was so special. Chosen! In truth I can’t even throw a decent punch. I’m completely defenceless.”

“Buffy, love. Please, you’ve got to calm down.”

Buffy was beyond hearing him. “The doctor called it ‘delusions of grandeur’ and he was right. I’m nobody. I’m nothing.”

“Hey!” Fear streaked through him at the way she was talking and he grabbed her by the arms until she was forced to look him in the eye. “You are still Buffy. Do you hear me? You may not be a slayer. You may not be some mystical Chosen One. But everything else about you is real. You are real! Don’t ever let me hear you say differently.”

Snapped from her despair Buffy stared at him, shocked by the emotion behind his words. She nodded, tears still trailing down her face. Wishing he hadn’t seen her like this, she dropped her head onto his shoulder to hide her face. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly as he buried his face in her hair.

After a time she calmed down and he loosened his hold so he could pull back to see her face. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were still wet with tears. Brushing her hair back from her face, he whispered, “You okay?”

Nodding, she swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. “Someday,” she replied.

Unable to help himself, William pressed a gentle kiss to her full lips, then rested his forehead against hers, savouring the feel of her in his arms. Moving away, he took her hands in his and began to back down the road, pulling her with him. “Come on. I’ll walk you home.”

Chapter Twelve

William felt the full weight of Joyce’s glare as he came through the door the next afternoon. “How is she?” he asked quietly.

For a moment Joyce looked as if she would crumble before his eyes, her bottom lip quivering slightly, but then she seemed to get a hold of her emotions. “She’s barely said anything all day. She just sits up there staring out the window. She won’t eat; she won’t even look at me.”

He winced. This was what he’d been afraid of. She’d been so quiet on the way home last night; barely acknowledging his offer to open the shop for her before she went into the house and closed the door.

“Where were you?” Joyce’s curt question brought him abruptly back to the present. “When this happened to her. Where were you?”

“I was still in the club. I was worried about her walking home alone, even though she insisted, so I went after her. I was only a minute behind her I swear.”

“I told her she shouldn’t go out; it’s not safe. But she just wouldn’t listen.” Joyce wrung her hands as she led William into the living room. “You shouldn’t let her run off like that William. I need to know I can trust her with you.”

Hurt by her words, William felt his ire rising. “I’m not her keeper Joyce. She’s a grown woman and she wants to stand on her own two feet. She should want to!”

“Do you think I don’t know that?!” Joyce suddenly exploded in anger. “Do you think I want to smother her and stop her from having all the wonderful experiences a girl of her age should have? Do you?”

Deflated, William flopped down on the couch, rubbing his face with tired hands. “No, of course not.”

Joyce stood with her arms crossed protectively over her chest. “Before all this started, Buffy was a happy, beautiful girl. She was such a joy to be around. I had no idea what was ahead for her; what was happening in her mind. If only I had known…maybe I could have helped.”

William shook his head. “Joyce I don’t think anyone–”

“The point is no one saw it coming. You can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again; no one can. If it does, I need to be there.” She paused for a moment; staring at him intently, as if trying to convey to him the importance of her words. “She might have gone off to some fantasy land where she was a superhero and fought Gods in her mind. But her body stayed here. Her physical body was completely vulnerable. Have you already forgotten what it was like to see her just sitting there, day after day? Mumbling to herself one minute; comatose the next.”

Sighing heavily, William stood and crossed the room to stand in front of her. “I remember.”

A single tear finally escaped Joyce’s watery eyes to slide down one pale cheek. “I visited her almost every day. I read to her. Told her what was happening in the world. I kept her hair that beautiful golden colour that she loved so much.” She was sobbing now and William gathered her into a comforting embrace. “I know that she can make her own decisions. I know that she is strong inside. But if she goes away again I need to be there to protect her.” She looked up at him with solemn eyes. “I’m her mother, William. She trusts me to make sure she always has a body to come home to.”

“Mommy?”

Joyce and William gasped as they turned to the doorway, startled by the quiet voice. Buffy stood there in her pyjamas, Mr Gordo clutched tightly in one hand. Her right cheek was marred by a large purple bruise and her bottom lip was swollen. She walked slowly toward them, her eyes focused unblinkingly on her mother.

“I’m so sorry.” Her voice was still quiet, but clear and unwavering. “I never thanked you, did I? For taking such good care of me.”

Joyce was silent, an almost imperceptible shake of her head her only answer.

Buffy stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck, holding her close. “Thank you.”

Joyce hugging her tightly, weeping softly into her daughter’s hair.

“I’m sorry about today. I just needed some time...to process everything. But I’m okay, I promise.” Pulling back she took her mother’s hands in hers and squeezed them reassuringly. “You don’t have to take care of my body anymore. I’m here to do that now.”

Joyce shook her head fiercely, obviously not placated by her daughter’s words. “You can’t promise you won’t get sick again Buffy. I know you want to but you can’t.”

Buffy wanted to deny her words but deep inside a small part of her was scared her mother was right. She didn’t choose to get sick the first time. How could she know it wouldn’t happen again? Thinking for a moment she offered, “What if I make you a promise that I’m pretty sure I can keep?”

Seeing Joyce’s questioning look she explained.

“Weird things were happening to me long before I went to Sunnydale. It started here in LA.” She looked steadily into her mother’s eyes, saying the words that she hoped would give them both some security for the future. “I promise you that if anything happens to me that doesn’t seem right, that doesn’t fit with the natural order of things, I will tell you. I will let you know. That way, if I can’t find a way to…” She found herself crying at the thought of leaving her mother again. She had missed her so. “If I can’t find a way to stay with you; you can take care of me till I find my way back to you.”

Gripping Buffy’s upper arms tightly Joyce pleaded, “You promise?”

Buffy nodded, surprised at the security she felt for having made such a promise. “Yes.”

Taking deep gulps of air Joyce seemed to deflate before their eyes, as if relaxing for the first time in years. “Okay.” She gave Buffy a tremulous smile. “I can learn to live with that.”

From his place at the side of the room, William stood watching them. He saw the deep love they shared for each other and decided that Buffy had been right last night. Someday. Someday everything would be okay.

Chapter Thirteen

A week later Buffy and William were sitting on the back patio of Buffy’s house enjoying a glass of wine. Dinner with Buffy’s parents had been a more relaxed affair than usual. It seemed Joyce had taken Buffy’s promise to heart and was trying very hard to stop being over-protective; though she still insisted Buffy have her cell phone with her at all times – just in case.

Glancing at William, Buffy caught him opening and closing his mouth for the fifth time. He obviously had something he wanted to say and she decided she’d had enough of waiting. “What is it, William?”

“I can teach you to fight,” he blurted. At her surprised expression, he added, “If you want.”

Buffy was more than a little puzzled by this turn of events. “I didn’t realise you knew how.”

He shrugged. “I took up Tai Kwon Do in college. Now I teach a little.”

“You teach Tai Kwon Do?”

William cleared his throat, looking everywhere but at her. “Yeah. Just at the local gym. Tuesday nights. It’s no big deal.”

Buffy frowned at him. “That’s why you wouldn’t come to the movies with me last Tuesday?”

He nodded.

“Okay. So, if it’s not a big deal then why didn’t you just tell me?”

He didn’t look at her, obviously reluctant to explain. “I just...because of Spike alright?”

Baffled, she just shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

Suddenly rising from the seat, William started to pace. “He looks like me. He talks like me. He was a poet, I’m a writer.” His pacing stopped abruptly and looked at her with intense eyes. “I figured we already have enough in common. I mean, aren’t the lines blurred enough?” Turning away from her he leaned on the porch rail and spoke so quietly she had to lean forward to hear him. “Buffy, when you look at me. I want you to see me. Not him.”

“Oh.” Buffy stared out into the darkness, not sure how to react to his words. She understood what he was saying. She did still see Spike when she looked at him. How could she not? All the things that had made her care for Spike – his caring, his devotion to the people he loved, his bizarre sense of humour – was all still there. Inside of William. He was Spike. Why didn’t he understand that? Looking up into his face she knew she could never put voice to her thoughts. He hated Spike. It would hurt him too much to know that, to her, he was her Spike. In some ways he always would be.

Sighing, she stood up and walked over to him. “I don’t know what to say.”

He shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Buffy closed her eyes in a mixture of longing and frustration. He looked just like Spike did when he uttered those very words outside The Magic Box. Their first kiss.

Hoping to lighten the mood a little she asked, “Will you still teach me to fight?”

He glanced sideways at her, a smirk curving his lips. “Yeah. I’ll teach you.”

**********

Buffy screamed in frustration as she fell to the floor yet again. “Damn it! Why can’t I do this?”

William put out a hand to help her up. “You can. You just have to keep going.”

Even as she rose from the floor she attacked, using his distraction to her advantage. Lashing out violently she followed a fist to his jaw with a roundhouse kick directed at his stomach. Her foot met thin air as he dropped to the ground and swept the leg she was standing on out from under her, flooring her one more time.

“Slow down Buffy. Stop trying to force it.”

Lying on the floor still, Buffy took several deep breaths, trying to regain control of her raging emotions. She could beat him; she knew she could. She just had to stop ending up on the freakin’ floor!

“Up!”

At William’s barked command she sprang to her feet, moving immediately into a defensive stance.

“Close your eyes.”

Surprised, she just frowned at him.

He smiled that Spike smile that set her body to tingling. “Trust me.”

Reminding herself she was here to learn from him, not jump his bones like a big ho, she allowed her eyes to fall shut.

For a few moments she heard nothing but the sound of her own harsh breathing. Then his voice tickled her ear and she shivered. “I come at you from behind and try to grab you by the throat. What do you do?”

In her mind, Buffy saw herself grabbing his forearm, using his own momentum to pull him forward over her shoulder and down to the ground.

“Open your eyes.”

She blinked. When she felt the arm around her throat she moved instinctively. Suddenly William was lying on his back on the mat in front of her, a big grin plastered on his face. I did it, she realised suddenly. “I got you.”

“That you did love,” he chuckled as he rose.

He jumped forward then, his leg rising to kick her in the stomach. The movement was slow enough that she had a moment to recognise his intent and react to it. Grabbing his foot, she twisted it until he was forced to spin his body, again landing heavily on the floor.

Buffy felt a hysterical laugh rising in her throat. She was getting it.

“You can do this Buffy,” he said in a firm voice, coming at her again. “You know how in your head. You can see it in your mind’s eye.” She was deflecting his moves faster now, his words egging her on. “Every punch, every kick. It’s all there. Now you just need to let your body play catch up.”

“Then I can kick the crap out of you,” she gasped with an energetic kick that came much closer to connecting than it had last time.

Slipping behind her he yanked her back against him, holding her by the elbows. “That is the idea pet,” he purred into her ear.

Leaning her head back she looked up at him with a seductive smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll only make it hurt in all the wrong places.”

He practically growled as his mouth descended. Just as he was about to capture her lips with his own she threw her elbow back, jabbing him in the ribs. Delighting in his grunt of surprise she jerked around to face him, a wicked smile curving her mouth as she beckoned him forward to begin the sparring again.

Chapter Fourteen

“Is that all you’ve got?” Buffy gasped as she felt her fist connect with William’s jaw. “I never realised you were such a lightweight.”

He grinned evilly as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “Dangerous words, little girl.”

She gave a mock shiver. “Ohhh, scary.”

Her giggle was cut off when he attacked again. For the next few minutes the only sounds in the otherwise empty room were of their harsh breathing and occasional grunting.

Buffy had been attending William’s Tai Kwon Do class faithfully for over two months. The class, together with extra one-on-one tutoring from him afterward, saw Buffy’s fighting skills improve at lightening speed. Now she and William were close to being equally matched. She’d also taken to going to the gym several times a week to develop her strength, and was now almost as confident physically as she had been as the slayer. Though, now, she always allowed William to walk her home when they were out after dark.

Watching doggedly for any sign of weakness in William’s defence, Buffy lunged swiftly when she saw her chance. Sweeping his legs out from under him she launched herself on top of him as he hit the ground, straddling his thighs. Holding his hands in a firm grip above his head, she smirked down at him. “Loser.”

“Hey! I’m still your teacher, you know?”

She waggled her eyebrows at him. “I think you’ve taught me everything I need to know.”

A blink of an eye later Buffy was crying out in indignation as she found herself on her back, with William taking her place on top. He winked at her. “Not everything.”

She laughed up at him, delighting in the feel of his weight pushing her into the mat. She could feel the hard length of his arousal pressed against her and knew he was just as excited by their sparring as she was. When his eyes were drawn to the hard nipples that were visible beneath her sports top, she felt his heated gaze like a caress.

Giving in to temptation, she raised her head, capturing his lips with her own. It was like that simple act obliterated every ounce of control he had and he delved into her mouth eagerly. Suddenly his body was pressed against hers from breast to thigh. His knee nudged her legs apart so he could settle his body in the cradle of her hips, and she groaned aloud at the intimate contact.

They’d been dancing around each other for months now, with the innuendos, flirting, and the odd stolen kisses. But this…this is what she dreamed of when she laid in bed at night. The feel of him moving against her, his body hard and wanting. She hadn’t felt this way since…since…

“Buffy.” William’s voice, harsh with lust, interrupted her musings. “Who do you see?”

Still intoxicated by the feelings coursing through her body, Buffy found herself barely able to comprehend his words. “What?”

He held her gaze firmly, even as his hips continued to undulate against her, sending waves of heat rippling through her. “Tell me who you see.”

Her mind froze. She didn’t know anymore. He was William, but he was Spike at the same time. She was beyond differentiating between them. She opened her mouth but she didn’t know what to say.

It seemed her silence was answer enough. William’s head dropped into the crook of her neck and slowly his body became still on top of her. For a moment she just held him, trying not to squirm in arousal beneath him, still hot with need. Then, with a muttered curse, he was gone.

Aching and frustrated, she watched him pace back and forth across the room, his breathe deep and fast, before finally scrambling to her feet herself. She’d had enough of this jealously crap and was determined to deal with it once and for all. They’d avoided this conversation for long enough.

“I see you both, alright? It’s always you I’m with Will. Always. But I will always see Spike inside of you. He is part of you. Don’t you understand that?”

“No. You created him, he’s part of your delusion. I had nothing to do with it.”

“For fuck’s sake Will, where do you think he came from? I needed you in Sunnydale and you were there.”

“I was your friend Buffy. You drag me there and turn me into the enemy and you pretend it’s okay, but it’s not. I loved you and you turned me into a murderer.”

That’s it? Buffy realised with sudden clarity. That’s why he hates Spike so much? “I don’t know why you were a vampire there.”

“Because you hated me!” he shouted, his chest heaving with anger. “You begged me to keep your secret and I didn’t. I was scared for you and I told your mother. You might not remember, but I do. I remember the look on your face when they dragged you into that hospital. You hated me. You screamed at me for betraying you. You said that it was my fault you were there.”

Buffy’s heart ached at the anguish she saw on his face.

“You blamed me and you punished me by turning me into the evil monster that was trying to kill you. How do you think that made me feel, Buffy?”

Buffy shook her head, denying his words. “That may have been how it started but everything changed. Spike fell in love with me and it changed him.”

“Is that right?” His voice was quiet but edged with steel. “That’s why you snuck around behind your friend’s backs, ashamed to admit that you were slumming with old Spike. That’s why, even as you were fucking him, he was trying to drag you down; because he was a changed man.”

Tears slid unchecked down her cheeks as she was forced to face the reality of what she’d done to him. Every time Spike had acted wrongly, every time she’d rejected him and called him worthless, every time she’d denied his love, she’d pushed that knife a little deeper into William. It wasn’t a wonder he hated…her. Her breath hitched as understanding dawned painfully. “Oh God. You don’t hate Spike at all, do you.” It was more of a statement than a question. “I got it all wrong. You’re angry at me. You’re angry at me because Spike even existed at all.”

When William refused to look at her, she knew she had spoken the truth. Buffy felt pain explode in her chest, as if a weight was suddenly crushing her. She’d hurt him in ways she hadn’t even dreamed about. And she couldn’t ever take it back. Not ever.

Choking back a sob, Buffy grabbed her bag and ran for the door. She had to get out of there; needed time to comprehend this new devastating insight.

Two days later Buffy sat once again in a large comfortable chair in Dr Callahan’s office. She’d spent a lot of time thinking about everything that had happened, all the way back to her first meeting with Merrick, and she’d come to a decision.

Looking steadily at the doctor, she spoke with firm determination. “I want to know why I got sick.”

Chapter Fifteen

Once again Buffy stood outside William’s door. She took a deep breath, trying to ward off the butterflies in her stomach. For the past few weeks she and William had still seen each other at work, but not socially. They’d both been polite, friendly even, but that easy camaraderie that they’d enjoyed was noticeably absent. It was killing her.

During that time she’d attended extra sessions with Dr Callahan. She’d worked hard on figuring out what everything she’d been through meant. She’d had no luck figuring out why she’d gotten sick in the first place – yet, she insisted to herself with grim determination – but she’d had quite a few break throughs in other ways. And now it was share time.

Abruptly, the door opened and William was standing in front of her in a pair of old blue jeans. And nothing else. Gulp. Buffy tried not to stare at the gorgeous expanse of muscular chest. Talking Buffy, she reminded herself. You’re here to talk.

“Hello William,” she greeted him cheerily. “May I come in?”

Slowly he stepped back, opening the door wider. “Of course.”

She entered with a determined stride, heading straight for the living room. “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Following her into the room, he sat stiffly on the couch, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He kept his eyes cast downward as an awkward silence filled the room. A dozen butterflies made yet another energetic lap in Buffy’s belly.

“Okay,” she echoed him, trying to figure out how to begin. She’d had it all planned out perfectly when she was preparing for this conversation. But now that she was sitting in front of him – and he was all shirtless and distracting – her whole speech had gone right out the window.

Finally, she knelt in front of him. She wanted to touch him, take strength from his presence, but knew that it would be unwelcome. “William, I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through. When I came back I had no idea how much I’d hurt you. How much Spike hurt you.”

He just sat there silently, looking down at the hands he’d clasped in front of him, so she continued. “I’ve tried to work it all out over the last few weeks and I want to tell you what I think happened in my head. I know six years is a lot to cover with a few words but…” She shrugged. “I have to try.”

When he still refused to respond she swallowed heavily. “I guess I was angry at you when I went to Sunnydale. So angry that I denied you even existed for nearly a year. Then when I did let you back in it was as a vampire. As the enemy.” Unable to take his guarded silence any longer she stood, moving to look out the window, though she saw nothing beyond the glass. Instead she saw Spike standing in a darkened alley vowing to kill her. She’d been so scared that night. A part of her had been sure he would succeed.

“I fought Spike so many times. We vowed to kill each other every time we met. But we never did.” She almost smiled as the memories washed over her. “We had so many chances, but…neither of us ever could deliver that final blow.”

She turned back to look at him. “I tried to make you leave you know, but you wouldn’t stay away. You just kept on coming back. I wished you’d just leave me alone to get on with my life but you refused.” She stared hard at him, trying to gauge his reaction to her tale.

“Then one day you started to change. You looked at me differently, you kept showing up every time I turned around.” A bark of laughter escaped her. “You said I had stupid hair.”

She saw William raise his eyebrows in surprise and was glad to know that at least he was still listening.

“With every change you became more like you are now. Here. More like William, but with Spike still in charge, you know? Then one day you confessed that you were in love with me.” She found herself pacing around the room, unable to keep still as it all poured out of her. “You did it in the most ridiculous way possible, but you still did it.”

“I pretended to be shocked but I wasn’t really. I fought against your love even more fiercely than I’d fought you physically and yet you still wouldn’t leave.” Almost as an afterthought, she murmured, “The one man that I refused to accept, and you were the only one that didn’t leave me. You were the only one I could count on, no matter what.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw William’s head lift to look at her and she quickly swiped at the wetness on her cheeks.

“Then I died for like, three months. Mom tells me I was completely comatose then, they worried I’d never come out of it.”

“I worried too.” William’s voice was quiet, strained. They both paused for a moment as their eyes met.

“I think maybe I’d given up. Given up on life, given up on Sunnydale. But something pulled me back. And there you were, waiting for me. You kept me sane. You were there every time I needed you.”

She’d finally gotten to the hard part and she found herself trembling, terrified of what would happened when she was done.

“When I started sleeping with Spike I was desperate. I felt so numb inside. The only time I felt anything was when you were…with me.”

She saw him shiver, he eyes closed tightly, and she wondered what he was thinking.

“Before long I was completely dependent on you to make me feel alive. I was withdrawing from everything else around me. Nothing felt real anymore. When you begged me to go into the darkness with you and leave everything else behind I was so tempted. The thought of being at peace, in your arms…forever. I wanted…” She gave herself a mental shake, determined to get to the end of this. “I realise now what was happening. You weren’t dragging me down. You were bringing me back, William. You were helping me let go of everyone and everything in Sunnydale, so I could come home.”

William shook his head, obviously unconvinced. “I didn’t bring you back. You came back on your own.”

Buffy dropped to her knees in front of him once more. This time she gripped his hands tightly in hers; no longer caring if he objected. “I was scared Will. I didn’t understand what was happening and I thought you were trying to take me away from life. So I found another way. I found a way back on my own terms. But it was still you, Will. If it wasn’t for you, for Spike, I’d still be there. I’d still be struggling just to get through each day.” She clasped his head in her hands. “You brought me back to life William.”

Suddenly, tears were streaming down his face, his hands gripping her shoulders tightly. “I thought I was hurting you. I thought you hated me and that I was killing you.”

She shook her head fiercely. “No. For nearly six years you were my only link to the real world. Every step closer to you was a step closer to home.”

“But you were using him. You hated yourself and you took it out on him – on me.”

Her eyes closed, forcing tears to slip down her cheeks. “I know. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back. Treat you better.”

Holding her head in his hands he rested his forehead against hers with a small smile. “You already are treating me better. I just want you to be okay.”

“I am okay. I promise.” She smiled sadly, her bottom lip trembling as she asked, “William, can you ever forgive me?”

He sighed, dragging her against him as he buried his face in the softness of her hair. “There’s nothing to forgive, baby. Just don’t ever leave me again.”

A relieved laugh escaped as she held him tightly. “Oh believe me, there is no way you're getting rid of me now.”

Chapter Sixteen

Buffy turned from the enrolment desk with a cringe as she looked at the list of books and materials she would need to begin her night classes. After much thought she’d decided to bite the bullet and enrol in the courses she would need to get her High School Diploma through the local community college. It still grated that she remembered doing all this work before, graduated even, but there wasn’t much else she could do. Somehow I don’t think they’ll give me the diploma just for being a whack-job, she mused resentfully.

“Hey, watch it!”

Before Buffy could even look up she ran smack into the owner of the rather irate voice, causing the young woman to drop the books she was carrying.

“Oh God. I’m so sorry,” Buffy apologised as she bent down to help the woman retrieve her books.

“Yeah, well you should watch where you’re going,” she snapped.

Taken aback by the harsh tone Buffy raised an eyebrow. “No kidding. You never know when a minor accident will cause the world to fall on its ass.”

The dark head whipped up, revealing an attractive face with large, caramel eyes. With a weary sigh she said, “Look, I’m sorry I bit your head off like that. It’s just the thought of going back to school gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile in commiseration. “Right there with ya.” She held out her hand as they both picked themselves up off the floor. “I’m Buffy. Buffy Summers.”

“Rachel Fallon,” the other woman replied shortly.

They stook awkwardly for moment before Buffy asked, “Do you want to get a cup of coffee? There’s a half-decent café just down the street.” When she saw Rachel hesitate, she added, “I just figure it might be nice to know someone when we walk in the door for our first class.”

Rachel seemed to consider her for a moment before finally nodding. “Sure,” she replied, stuffing her books into a large knapsack. “Why not.”

On the way to the café Buffy found out that Rachel was just a year older than her and was also going to be studying for her High School Diploma, so they would be in a number of the same courses.

“What grade did you get to before? In high school?” Rachel asked, taking a long pull on her giant glass of Coke.

“I was still a freshman,” Buffy answered, looking up from stirring sugar into her latte. “You?”

“About tenish I guess.”

“What happened then?”

Rachel stared at Buffy for a long moment, as if weighing her up, deciding how much to say. “I, ah…I got distracted.”

Good answer, Buffy thought, understanding the other girl’s desire to keep her past private.

“I kind of suck at the whole academic thing,” Rachel continued. “Never had the patience for it.”

Curious, Buffy found herself asking, “So then why go back?”

Rachel shrugged dismissively, avoiding Buffy’s gaze. “Just seemed like the thing to do I guess,” she murmured. “How about you? Why didn’t you finish school?”

Buffy allowed a smirk to drift onto her face. “I got distracted too.”

**********

Buffy did a little dance in front of William when she entered the shop later that afternoon. “You are now looking at a fully enrolled student.”

William chuckled at her antics. “Good for you love.”

“Yeah. Now all I have to do is survive till graduation.” A thought occurred to her and she pointed at him excitedly. “And this time I don’t even have to worry about getting eaten.”

“Eaten?”

“Yeah, the mayor was totally evil and he turned into this big snake and tried to eat the whole class.”

William leaned on the counter with his chin resting in one hand, giving her his undivided attention. “I take it he failed?”

“Well duh. I was the slayer you know.”

“Oh, but of course.” He grinned in amusement. “So how did you defeat this great evil?”

“Oh, it was so cool.” Buffy started to get all animated as she retold the daring tale. “We got all the students involved. They had bows and arrows and axes and all sorts of things. They fought the vamps that were stopping people from getting away. Then I lured the mayor into the school, but I jumped out the back window.” A smug smile appeared as she concluded, “Then we blew it up.”

William was rapt in her excited recitation. “I heard you blew up a school. That’s just…neat.”

Buffy gave a satisfied sigh. “I know. I lived every high school student’s dream. It was very cool.” She giggled then. “Plus Harmony got eaten by a vamp that night. It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person. It’s just a shame they turned her; even dead she was still annoying.” She poked out her tongue with a ‘bluck’ sound at the thought of the undead glamour queen.

Pretending to be appalled by her attitude, William queried, “Wasn’t the slayer supposed to be a little more…caring?”

“Yeah. But now that I know she wasn’t real I get to pick on her all I like.” Buffy jumped onto the counter, swinging her feet against the wooden base. “Plus she ended up sleeping with Spike so that doesn’t exactly endear her to me.”

“Hmph,” William replied. Looking up at her, he asked, “Was she cute?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, though inwardly she was cheering at the fact that he hadn’t tensed up when she mentioned Spike the way he normally did. “In a ‘looks vaguely like Buffy but way more vapid’ kind of way.”

He chuckled at her less than kind description. “Careful kitten. You’re showing your claws.”

Scoffing, Buffy slid off the counter, deciding it was time to turn the conversation away from her penchant for jealousy toward non-existent people. “God, school. This is gonna be a shocker.”

“You’ll be fine. You’ll be graduating before you know it.”

She turned to him flashing a million-watt smile. “Course I will, what with you tutoring me and all.”

William stopped what he was doing to look up at her with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll be what?”

Buffy immediately launched into beg mode, glad that he hadn’t turned her down flat. “Please, please, please. You’ve done all this before and I haven’t actually studied in years. I’m sure to fail without you.”

“I doubt it’s that bad love. But…” William crossed his arms over his chest with a mischievous leer. “What do I get out of it?”

Without thinking Buffy blurted, “Anything.”

That oh so sexy eyebrow crept higher. “Anything you say. How very interesting.”

Buffy put her hands on her hips. “Will, are you being a perv?”

“God yes,” was his unrepentant reply.

Laughing, Buffy dropped to her knees in front of him. Clasping her hands together she gave him her best puppy dog eyes. “Will you help me? Will you save me from the evil clutches of ignorance?”

William felt himself harden the second she hit the ground. Biting back a groan, he tried to shrug off the erotic image running through his mind of her doing other things on her knees and quickly choked out a reply. “Oh alright. I’ll help you.”

Buffy jumped to her feet with a happy squeal and threw her arms around him. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Happy just to see the smile on her face William returned her hug eagerly. “You’re welcome, love.” When she finally pulled away, he had to force himself to let her go. “Now about the sexual favours I’ll be getting in return...”

Buffy whapped him over the head. “Down boy,” she said with a laugh before heading for the back to dump her bag and begin work.

Chapter Seventeen

Two weeks later, Buffy spent a good ten minutes staring at the phone before she finally got the nerve to pick it up and dial. For a long moment she stood silently listening to it ring; her breathing heavy and her fingers drumming loudly on the table in front of her.

“’Lo.”

“Will? Hi, it’s Buffy.”

“Hey, pet. What can I do for you?”

She heard a smile in his voice and it helped calm her nerves – a little.

“Actually I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner tomorrow night.”

There was a long pause and her heart began to thump even faster. Absently she wondered if it was possible to have a heart attack just from talking on the phone.

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

She barely refrained from cursing at him. The bastard was making her work for it. She could so tell he was laughing at her. Running through several possible answers she decided direct was best.

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, I would love to join you for dinner tomorrow night.”

A relieved breath escaped her before she could catch it and she hurriedly covered the speaker, hoping he didn’t hear it. Desperate much? “That’s great. I’ll be at the store at closing time to pick you up.”

“Can I ask where we’re going?”

Buffy smiled, beginning to feel more relaxed now that he’d said yes. “No. That’s a secret.”

He chuckled in that deep, sexy way he had and she felt it all the way to her toes. “But then how will I know what to wear, love?”

“Oh, you know,” she replied cheekily. “Just wear something pretty.”

He laughed. “No problem. I’ll see you then.”

After she hung up the phone Buffy sank onto the kitchen stool.

“Don’t you look like the cat that swallowed the canary,” Joyce said as she strolled into the kitchen with an empty coffee cup. “What’s going on?”

Buffy couldn’t stop the giddy grin that sprung up on her face. “I’m going on a date with William.”

“Ahhh.” Joyce nodded knowingly. “A real date this time? Not another one of those I’m-not-sure-if-it’s-actually-a-date dates?”

“Hey.” Buffy cried in indignation, though it did nothing to shift the grin. “Yes, it’s a real date.”

Joyce laughed as she left the kitchen again, throwing back over her shoulder. “It’s about time. I was beginning to think I was going to have to draw you two a map.”

**********

Buffy thought she’d never been more relaxed in her life. Popping a grape in her mouth she gazed out over the nearby water, watching the waves crash against the shore.

“Are you cold pet?”

She wasn’t, but that didn’t mean she had to admit it. “A little.”

She couldn’t help but grin to herself when William beckoned her closer and then gathered her in his arms. Snug in his embrace, she couldn’t help but muse on how perfect the evening had been so far. She’d picked William up at the store, as promised, and they’d driven to a beach just outside L.A. where they’d enjoyed a wonderful picnic, compliments of a café her mother had recommended. They’d talked and laughed for hours about anything and everything. Now, having finished dinner and a fabulous bottle of Merlot, they were relaxing on a large rug on the sand, simply enjoying each other’s company.

“Better?” he asked.

“Hmmm,” was the only reply she could muster. Languidly she looked up at him, his face illuminated by the bright moonlight. “This is nice.”

He reached out to trace one finger down her cheek. “Yeah,” he murmured. Then his lips touched hers in a gentle kiss. It was no more than a light caress but still she gasped at the contact.

Stretching upward she pressed her lips more firmly against his, longing for the taste of him. Wanting everything he’d held back from her in the past.

“Buffy,” he whispered.

“William,” she replied, sliding her arms around his neck. She wanted no doubt in his mind that she knew exactly who she was kissing. And she wanted more.

Boldly she turned to press against him, moaning as her aching breasts rubbed against his chest. When he lowered himself back onto the sand she followed him eagerly. She’d had enough of the waiting and the dancing around each other. She wanted him and she wanted him now.

“Will,” she gasped, sliding her lips down his neck. “I need you.”

He responded by digging his fingers into her waist, arching his body up into hers. She dragged her fingernails down his chest and he practically growled in response.

Lifting his head up off the sand he used his fingers to comb the hair back from her face so he could see her clearly. “Come home with me,” he whispered hoarsely.

She smiled happily. “Yes.”

At that single word he devoured her mouth, exploring her with his tongue as he explored her body with his hands.

Revelling in his touch, Buffy clambered on top of him so she was straddling his hips with her legs. Lustily, she ground herself against his obvious erection, delighting in his moans. The way he bucked his hips up against her made her cry out.

Suddenly he flipped them over. Drawing one of her legs up over his hips, he sank onto her body. Buffy felt like electricity was sparking and tripping along her skin. She gloried in the weight of him on top of her; the way his teeth dragged along her collarbone, the way his tongue dipped down between her breasts.

When his fingers slid under the strap of her top, sliding it down over her shoulder she could only shiver in anticipation. She felt the material glide over the taut peak of her breast and gasped as the cool ocean air washed over her bare skin. Then his mouth was on her, hot and wet; his tongue laving her with long, firm strokes. She cried out, her back arching till she thought her spine would snap. More, she needed more of his mouth on her.

Then suddenly he was gone.

“Buffy,” he groaned, his voice heavy with lust. “We should stop.”

“What?” She frowned in confusion. He couldn’t possibly stop now. She could barely think, much less make decisions about anything. “Please William. Don’t stop. I need you.”

“Hey,” he soothed, holding her close. “Just till we get back to my place.” He levered himself back from her body and slid his hands down to her ankles before beginning the long trek back up to her neck. “I want to explore every inch of your delectable body; preferably in the comfort of a nice, big bed.”

Grateful that he wasn’t backing out on her, Buffy smiled. “How fast can you drive?”

Chapter Eighteen

Heavy lock gave way to turning key with a click and the door slammed open with a loud bang. William walked Buffy backward into the foyer, kicking the door closed behind him with his foot. Before the lock had even reengaged, Buffy was pulling at his shirt, dragging it impatiently over his head.

She paused for a moment to drink in the sight of his muscular torso. With a sexy smile she dragged the tips of her fingernails over his chest and down his abs, loving the gasp her touch elicited.

Hungrily, William cupped his hand behind her neck to pull her back in for another scorching kiss. “Need you, pet,” he muttered. “Waited so long.”

Further enflamed by the desperation in his words, Buffy pushed him back against a wall in the hallway leading to his bedroom. Using her teeth and tongue she licked and nipped her way along his jaw. Her hands slid down to cup his straining erection, still confined in his pants. “Please William,” she whispered, her lips brushing his ear. “I want to feel you.”

A loud groan was torn from his throat as he picked her up, winding her long legs around his waist. With long, sure steps he took them into the bedroom, never once releasing her mouth from his passionate assault.

Buffy laughed happily when William threw her on the bed. When she stopped bouncing she sprang up onto her knees, watching him as she quickly drew her shirt up over her head, taking her bra with it, and tossed them both aside. Crawling forward to where he stood at the end of the bed, she reached for his belt, sliding the black leather out of the buckle.

William stood motionless, seeming to have been struck dumb by her sudden case of toplessness. With gentle fingers he explored her bare shoulders and arms, allowing her to undo his pants and push them down over his hips. Pulling back a little Buffy’s gaze travelled the length of his now naked body and she fairly drooled. He was perfection, from the look of adoration in his eyes, right down to the rock hard erection that was jutting out from his powerful body. Then his hands were travelling back up her neck, cupping her face as he lowered his lips to hers once again and she lost herself in his kiss.

Together they moved backward up the bed, where he settled himself on top of her. She sighed in pleasure at the weight of him pressing her into the mattress. Working his way down her body he latched onto one bare breast, sucking the pebbled nipple into his mouth. Buffy moaned loudly when she felt his teeth rake the tender flesh, then his tongue was there soothing her and she shivered. Her fingers tunnelled through his hair, holding him close as she arched her back, wordlessly urging him to continue.

His hand found its way to the fastening of her skirt and he divested her of her remaining clothes with surprising speed. When she felt his fingers trail up the inside of her naked thigh she felt her whole body surged upward. The muscles between her legs clenched instinctively, wanting to feel him inside her.

His middle finger slid along her moist folds and they both groaned. “Oh baby, you’re so wet,” he muttered roughly. “Can’t wait to be inside you.”

His words sent liquid fire racing through her veins to pool hotly at her core. “Yes William. Please. I want you.” Every fibre of her being told her this was right. This was where she was always meant to be. The thought left her reeling, burning for this passionate man who had come to mean so much to her.

Before she even realised what he was doing he’d reached into the nightstand beside the bed to retrieve a condom. And then he was there; nudging insistently at her entrance. When he pushed forward Buffy cried out, curving her hips up toward him.

“Fuck Buffy,” he shouted, gritting his teeth. “You’re so tight. So hot baby.”

Her reply was unintelligible as she writhed beneath him. There was some discomfort but she didn’t care. Her body screamed for more and she wrapped her legs around him, trying to pull him deeper.

Without warning, pain lanced through Buffy, strong and searing, and instinctively her body arched away from him, trying to escape the intrusion into her body. Looking up she saw William staring at her, eyes wide with shock. “Bloody hell! You’re a virgin.”

“What?” Buffy gasped at the ridiculous notion, still baffled by what had just happened. “I am not!”

“You are too. I felt it. I just broke your…bloody hell!” He rolled off of her and she gasped as he slid out her body, that beautiful big erection she’d drool over just moments ago, now a thing of the past. “I just broke your hymen. I can’t believe I forgot you were a virgin.”

“I…I…” Buffy stumbled, a deep frown marring her brow. “I guess I forgot too. I mean…I remember having sex.” She grabbed for the sheet to cover herself, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her nakedness. “Lots of sex. I remember having lots of hot, sweaty, naked sex.”

William groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Thanks for the imagery love but I’d prefer not to think about that right now.”

Buffy cringed. “Sorry.” She did feel a bit sore but the majority of the pain had faded now.

This can’t be happening, she thought, almost groaning aloud in frustration. Her virginity wasn’t something she’d thought about. She hadn’t considered herself a virgin for five years and that hadn’t changed when she got home, even if her body very obviously disagreed.

They lay there, side by side, for a few minutes in awkward silence. Then Buffy frowned. “How can I possibly remember having sex if I’ve never actually had it?”

“Huh?” He turned to look at her, a bemused expression on his face.

“It’s like the wine. I’d only had wine once so all the wine I had in Sunnydale tasted like that wine. So, if I’ve never actually had sex, how could I have known what it was like enough to have created memories of having it?”

William didn’t answer for a minute and she thought that maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it. This was what one would call a bizarre conversation after all.

“Well love,” he said finally. “It’s not like you’d never made out with a guy before. I guess you probably just based it on that.”

“But that would mean that my idea of sex is probably way off base. Wouldn’t it?”

“That’s true.” William made a horrified face. “You mean I’m supposed to follow five years of fantasy sex? Oh man,” he groaned and covered his face with his hands again, “no man should have to live up to a woman’s imagination.”

Buffy giggled at his dismayed tone. “Well you do have big shoes to fill. I mean, I’ve had some pretty wild times in the sack.” An image of Spike prowling up the bed towards her flitted through her mind and she squirmed in appreciation.

William rolled onto his side to leer at her. “And where do you think you got the inspiration for that, my dear?”

She looked shocked. “Did we make out?”

“Oh, you could say we had our moments toward the end there,” he replied with a smug grin. “I did give you your first orgasm. You’re missing out big time by not having those memories.”

She swatted him playfully as she expressed her displeasure. “That is so not fair. I was involved in something smutty and I don’t even get to enjoy it.”

“Well you know, pet.” He trailed one fingertip up her arm as he spoke, all low and sexy. “It’s not too late to be involved in something new and just as smutty.”

Captivated by the look in his eye, Buffy scooted closer to him. “Do you think maybe you’d like to help me with that?” She brushed her lips back and forth across his slowly, teasing him.

He sighed in pleasure. “I think I could probably manage that.”

They smiled at each other, and Buffy felt her chest expand with happiness that she was even here with this wonderful man.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” he said as he moved suddenly off the bed.

Buffy frowned, disappointed that he’d broken the moment. “Where are you going?”

She’d barely formed the question when he reappeared with a wet wash cloth in his hand. “It’s for the blood, love.”

Buffy gasped in horror as she sprang up onto his knees, not wanting to stain the sheets. “I’m bleeding?”

“Buffy, it’s all right. It’s just a little bit.” He urged her back onto the bed until she was lying down. “This will make you feel better.”

When she clamped her knees together anxiously he laid down beside her, kissing her on the forehead. “Please baby,” he said quietly. “Let me take care of you?”

Taking a deep breath Buffy consciously forced herself to relax, allowing him to slide the cloth covered hand between her legs. He was right, she admitted to herself a moment later, it does feel good.

Slowly, he moved the warm, wet cloth against her. The heat soothed the slight ache that was still present and the pressure of his hand against her made her stomach tighten in response. Without realising it she began to move her hips slightly, pushing back against him, silently asking for more.

When his lips appeared on her neck, kissing her gently, she sighed. Moving her head to the side she invited him to continue as her body began to move with more abandon. Then the cloth was gone and his fingers were resting against her bare flesh. Stroking gently, slowly reigniting the arousal she’d felt earlier.

“Will?” she murmured.

When he made a vague questioning sound, she asked, “We don’t have to stop do we?”

She felt him smile against her neck. “Are you sure you don’t want to stop?”

Stroking his cheek, she looked into his eyes and smiled softly. Somehow it felt different, now that she knew. This was her first time. She was glad it would be with him. “I’m sure.”

Chapter Nineteen

Buffy wondered if this was what it felt like to be loved. Really loved. William was slowly, torturously covering her body with kisses. His hands moved restlessly over her skin, as if he wanted to touch all of her at once. Now, his tongue laved one hard nipple with devotion and she shivered as she arched up into his mouth.

“William.” The name left her lips on a sigh.

In response he levered himself up to find her lips, delving back into her mouth. Sliding one arm beneath her he rolled them over until she was sprawled atop his body. Shifting her legs so that she straddled his thighs comfortably, Buffy sat up so as to get a better look at him. Her hands explored his chest slowly, teasing him.

He smiled sexily, his own hands stroking her and making her quiver.

Her fingertips wandered down to his abs and she marvelled at the obvious strength and power of his body. Finally, her gaze was drawn lower, to where his erection rested against his taut stomach. Catching her lower lip between her teeth she simply stared at him for a moment before reaching out to wrap her fingers around him, delighting in his harsh intake of breath.

She slowly slid her fingers up and down his pulsing shaft, drinking in the sight of him. Every twitch, every moan increased her confidence. Leaning over him she bent down to his ear, her hand still playing with him, and whispered, “I want to feel you moving inside me.”

His reaction was immediate. Grabbing another condom from the still open drawer, he launched forward to wrap his arms around her, devouring her mouth in a deep, soul-searching kiss. Still moving forward he pushed her down onto her back, settling between her thighs. This time when she felt him pressing into her she tensed slightly, but he whispered loving words into her ear. Telling her how beautiful she was, how much he wanted her, and before long she was moving against him in invitation.

As he sank slowly into her willing body Buffy was surprised by the feeling of fullness that spread throughout her. Sensations she’d never felt before rippled out from the place where they were joined, making her quake with pleasure. Her breath became more and more laboured until she was fairly panting, fighting to comprehend what was happening to her body. It wasn’t what she was expecting; it was new, different. It was fucking unbelievable.

“Will?” she gasped, a little scared of the intensity of these new emotions.

Pulling back a little, William rested his forehead against hers, smiling into her eyes as he gently caressed her face and neck. “Shhh. It’s okay Buffy. Stay with me, okay?”

Focusing on his clear, blue eyes Buffy felt the fear dissipate, leaving only the glorious sensations that were rolling through her in ever greater waves.

“You feel so good kitten,” he continued. “So right. Do you feel it?”

Releasing a sudden breath Buffy nodded. “Yes. I feel it.”

“That’s my girl.” Capturing her lips once again William began to thrust deeper, groaning into her mouth at the feel of her body surrounding him. Her muscles squeezing him tightly.

“Oh God,” she cried, losing control of her rioting emotions. “You’re so deep. I feel so…so full.”

William had to fight to keep from coming at her words, his thrusts growing impossibly fast.

Then suddenly Buffy went rocketing over the edge into a bliss she’d never before dreamed existed. Her vision exploded in a kaleidoscope of colours and her body shuddered violently, clenching William within her.

Her name was torn from his throat as he hurtled after her, his face buried in her neck as his climaxed pulsed through his entire body.

**********

Buffy awoke slowly; feeling as though she’d run a marathon. Groaning at the soreness in her muscles she began to stretch her limbs. The arm that was wrapped around her waist tightened, and suddenly memories of the night before came flooding back to her.

A contented smile spread across her lips and she turned in his embrace to find him watching her quietly with sleepy eyes.

“Good morning gorgeous,” she murmured quietly.

“’Morning, pet.” Snuggling closer, he pressed his lips to her neck in a warm kiss. “Did you sleep well?”

“Like the dead,” she said with a laugh. “Or just a very sated woman.”

William grinned widely at her words. “Me too, love. Except for the woman part.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “How do you feel?”

Buffy shifted experimentally. “I little sore, but I’m okay.”

“Good.” He paused for a moment, looking reluctant to speak, before finally saying, “So,umm…I can’t help but ask: Was the real thing anything like the fantasy?”

Buffy smiled. She’d had a feeling this question would come up eventually. “It was completely different,” she admitted wryly. “But better,” she continued quickly when she saw his crestfallen expression. “It was so…consuming. Like every single part of my body was going into hyperdrive or something. You know?”

William chuckled. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Sex before was great. It really was. But I never felt so…full. So connected. Last night was…,” a voice sounded in her head and she couldn’t help but let the words slip free, “it was a bloody revelation.”

William chuckled. “How very Spike sounding.”

She snuggled in his arms, hoping he wasn’t upset by her use of what was obviously a Spikeism – the word ‘bloody’ was a dead giveaway, after all. “Well,” she confessed, “he definitely did come closest to the real thing. I guess whatever part of my mind does remember our times together really, really enjoyed those times.”

He rested his head on his hand so he could look down at her with a smirk. “Well then I guess I’m glad that I provided you with a good foundation for sexual satisfaction over the years.”

When the laughter died down, hope was shining in hers eyes as she asked quietly, “Does that mean you’re not angry at me anymore? For creating Spike?”

He sighed heavily. “No, I’m not angry. I guess I was jealous of him more than anything. He got to be with you when I couldn’t. But when you explained that he was your way of keeping me close; even if it did take you a long time to let me get anywhere near you…it makes me glad that I could be there for you in some small way.” He smiled ruefully. “It still sucks that I missed out on all the hanky-panky though.”

Buffy laughed, joy coursing through her at his words. “Don’t worry,” she assured him as she moved over him and began to kiss her way along his jaw. “We can recreate every hanky.” Kiss. “As well as every panky.” Kiss. “Till you’re completely satisfied.”

Chapter Twenty

Rachel’s eyes practically rolled back into her head in pleasure as she chewed and swallowed. “This is saving my life,” she declared blissfully.

Buffy giggled at her dramatics. “You should have mentioned you were hungry. I would have ordered ages ago.”

Shaking her head, Rachel picked up another piece of pizza. “No way. I was determined to get to the end of that last chapter before we stopped. That test is next week and I refuse to have to do it all over again.”

Their books were spread haphazardly around the room, now being ignored in favour of the more urgent matter of eating. The weeks had passed quickly and the two women had come to enjoy each other’s company, both in and out of class. They’d been studying all night and were now indulging in some well-earned relaxation time.

“Where are your folks tonight?” Rachel asked.

“Some charity thing. They won’t be home till after midnight for sure.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t stand living with my parents now that I’ve been out on my own.” Rachel visibly shuddered at the thought.

Buffy simply shrugged. “They’re okay. I haven’t been back in town that long so I haven’t really had a chance to find a place of my own yet.”

Finishing off the last of her pizza, Rachel asked, “Where did you live before?”

Opening her mouth to give the automatic spiel about living in a small town up the coast, Buffy stopped suddenly. She really liked Rachel. She reminded her so much of Faith, with her down-to-earth attitude and her slightly standoffish ways. For some reason she found herself wanting to be straight with her new friend.

“Actually I was…umm…in a mental institution.”

Rachel’s eyed widened comically. “No shit! Really?”

Cringing, but hoping she wouldn’t lose her new friend, she nodded. “Yep. I was all with the loony tunes.”

“What was wrong with you?”

“I had some sort of mental breakdown when I was in high school. Built a little delusional world for myself to live in. Stayed there for six years.” She shrugged. “Just came out of it a few months ago.”

“And that’s why you’re just getting your diploma now?” Rachel asked interestedly.

“Yeah.” Buffy waited patiently for Rachel’s reaction, half expected her to start making excuses why she had to leave.

But instead Rachel asked, “What was it like? Your delusional world.”

Turning red with embarrassment, Buffy nervously brushed her hair away from her face. “It was pretty much the same as it is here only I lived in a little town called Sunnydale and I was a…err…a superhero.”

Rachel laughed, clapping her hands in appreciation. “That's fantastic. I mean if you’re gonna create your own world you might as well be important in it, right?”

Buffy smiled, surprised by Rachel’s ready acceptance of her situation. “Pretty much.”

“You didn’t wear tights and a cape did you? Cause if you did I may have to leave.”

Laughing at the image that created Buffy was quick to reassure her. “No. Definitely no capes. I was a vampire slayer so it was really just me and Mr Pointy.”

“Mr Pointy?”

“My stake.”

Rachel’s eyebrows lifted. “You named your stake?”

Cringing again, Buffy dropped her head in her hands. “I know, I know. It was a thing.”

“Wow,” Rachel muttered to herself, seeming to be reflecting on the conversation. “When you said you got distracted you weren’t kidding were you.”

“Nope,” she replied with a wryly smile. “I was about as distracted as you can get.”

“But you’re better now?”

Buffy shrugged. “So far so good.”

**********

“I was distracted by a guy.”

Buffy looked up from her ice cream to give Rachel a questioning look.

“I know. Total cliché right?”

Smiling softly, Buffy replied, “Depends on the guy.”

“Well this guy…he was something else.” Rachel was plucking at a loose thread on her jeans. “He was a bartender at a club I used to go to. We hit it off right away; it was love at first sight. Or at least it was for me.”

Buffy sat quietly and listened. She could see that it was taking a lot for Rachel to tell her this; could see the pain that burned in her eyes.

“He told me that he loved me. Convinced me to leave my family, not that I think they really minded that I was gone. I kind of just stopped going to school. It was hard making enough money to live on and before I knew it we were stealing what we needed to get by. Nothing big, just some food and stuff.”

She looked up, as if trying to gauge Buffy’s reaction, just as Buffy had done to her moments before and Buffy smiled encouragingly.

“One night he showed up with a gun, I don’t know where he got it. He wanted to rob a gas station.” Rachel’s foot tapped nervously on the ground. “I didn’t want to but…I loved him. I would have done anything for him.” She gave a sad depreciating laugh. “I was a stupid kid.”

“What happened?” Buffy asked gently.

“We got caught about three gas stations later. Turns out he’s been in and out of prison for years; I had no idea. That’s where he is now.” She shrugged casually, though this telling was obviously still difficult. “I got off easy because I’d never been in trouble before. The judge sent me to jail for a little while; said she wanted to scare me straight. Now I’m out and trying to put my life back together.”

“Hence the going back to school?”

Rachel cringed. “Actually that’s court ordered. I probably would have gone back anyway though. I don’t ever want to go back to jail again.”

“I can understand why.” Taking a moment to assimilate these new revelations, Buffy lifted her glass of soda in a toast. “Here’s to no more jails, no more loony bins, and definitely no more distractions.”

Rachel lifted her own glass with a look a relief on her face. “I’ll drink to that.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Buffy could tell Rachel was nervous as they approached Freestyler. It turned out Rachel had pretty much lost all her friends when she’d taken up with Charlie, the guy that had ‘led her up the garden path’ as she liked to say. Able to appreciate that kind of loneliness, Buffy had asked her to come and meet her new friends. It took a few weeks of convincing, but finally Rachel had agreed.

“These guys don’t actually know about Sunnydale,” Buffy explained as they walked. “I just told them that I was living in a town up north. Except William.” She smiled a little dreamily. “He was my friend before so…he knows everything.”

“Okay,” Rachel said, taking a fortifying breath. “What about me. Do they know about me?”

“Don’t worry,” Buffy assured her. “All they know is that my friend Rachel is coming tonight. They’ll only know what you choose to tell them.”

“Right.” She raked her hands through her long dark hair for the tenth time. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

Entering the club they headed for the bar where they found Zac struggling to balance a load of full glasses in his hands.

“Hey Zac,” Buffy said as they approached.

“Buffaroony,” Zac replied cheerily, giving up on the glasses in favour of giving Buffy a bear hug. “How’s my favourite girl?”

“Great.” She smiled at him happily.

Zac’s eyes flitted to the woman standing at Buffy’s side – and stayed there. “Hello,” he said quietly.

Stepping back a little so she wouldn’t get in the way of Zac’s standard greeting, which she’d so enjoyed herself, Buffy started making the introductions. “Rachel this is Zac. Zac, Rachel.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Zac said graciously, shaking Rachel’s hand.

Smiling tentatively Rachel replied, “You too.”

Buffy stood there slack-jawed. Where was the kneeling and the declarations of devotion?

“Can I buy you ladies a drink?” Zac asked, his eyes not leaving Rachel for a moment.

Amused by his obvious interest in her friend, Buffy put in a quick order before declaring she would help carry the other drinks over to their table and leaving them to follow when they finally found their way out of each other’s eyes. She giggled as she decided it might take a while.

When she reached the table Buffy deposited the drinks on the wooden surface and slid into a chair beside William.

“Evening kitten,” he purred with a soft kiss. Buffy sighed happily and snuggled into his side.

“Where’s your friend, Buffy?” Kate asked a moment later.

“She’s at the bar talking to Zac.”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me, he’s found the new love of his life again?”

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. “Actually no. When I introduced them he just shook her hand and asked if he could buy us drinks. It was so weird.”

“Wow,” Kate voiced her shock as the three girls eyed the couple just now heading toward them. “Guess he must really like her.”

Zac spoke as soon as they reached the table. “Everyone, this is Rachel.”

The group paused, waiting for the ‘love of my life’ comment but were met with silence. When they all realised he wasn’t going to speak they broke into a verbose babble of greetings.

Hoping to dispel the now awkward moment, Buffy jumped out of her chair. “Come on girls,” she insisted. “Let’s go dance.” Rachel could only grin at Zac as the other three women led her onto the dance floor.

**********

William and Zac sat side by side. They’d long given up the pretence that they weren’t sitting there just to stare as the women did the bump and grind on the dance floor. Kate and Abby had left some time ago so only Buffy and Rachel remained.

It turned out Rachel was a good dancer. She and Buffy moving together was like watching soft lesbian porn. Or at least it was in the minds of the two men.

“That woman has me twisted into a pretzel.”

William glanced sideways at his friend. “And here you’ve only known her five hours.”

“Yeah,” Zac sighed dreamily.

Having never seen him react to any woman like this, William could only chuckle and shake his head.

“You’d better ask her out tonight or I’ll have to relegate you to the dubious status of nancy-boy.”

“Oh I will. Don’t you worry about that,” Zac confirmed eagerly. “I just figure I should wait till a moment when I don’t have a raging hard-on. It helps with the whole construction of sentences thing.”

Laughing heartily, William clapped him on the back good-naturedly. “From the way you’re looking at her mate, you could be waiting a while.”

“Geez man, thanks for the support.” Zac rolled his eyes. “You know you shouldn’t pick on the pathetic. It’s not like you’ll be going home alone tonight.”

“Damn right,” William nodded smugly. “I already got my girl.”

“And a damn fine girl she is,” Zac declared and they clinked beer bottles in agreement.

“Speaking of which,” William continued. “We should probably get going. If I have to watch Buffy wiggle like that much longer I may just combust.”

“Sure man. Hey, I’ll give Rachel a lift home if she’d like.”

William grinned broadly as he rose from the table. “I’ll let her know. I have a sneaking suspicion she’d like.” With that he edged his way over to the two women.

**********

“Dancing like that should be illegal,” William growled as he stripped Buffy’s clothes from her body. He bent his head to bite her shoulder as he bared it to his hungry gaze and she gasped in pleasure.

“But then how would I drive you crazy?” she asked innocently.

Chuckling, he pushed her naked body down onto the couch. “Kitten, all you have to do to drive me crazy is walk into the room.” As he spoke he dropped kisses onto her legs, starting from the ankles and working his way up.

She reached her arms over her head, her back arching as she quivered in anticipation of his next touch. “How very virile of you,” she muttered, her mouth quirking upward.

Pausing at the apex of her thighs, he bent his head so she could feel his breath against this most sensitive part of her body as he said, “I guess it must be the Spike in me.” Then he licked her with one long, firm stroke, loving the way she cried out.

“Really,” she gasped between sighs and groans, twisting under the ministrations of his mouth and hands. “Well then, if you let out the Spike in you, I’ll let out the Slayer in me.”

When she saw a flare of excitement in his eyes, she used all her strength to push him upward and rolled them until they landed on the floor with a heavy thump.

“Bloody hell,” William exclaimed in surprise.

Straddling his hips, Buffy ripped his shirt open, heedless of the buttons that flew every which way. Drawing her fingernails down his chest she asked with wide-eyed wonder, “What’s the matter baby? Don’t you like it rough?”

Laughing heartily at her antics, William sat up beneath her, grabbing her wrists and pinning them behind her back. “Oh, I’ll show you rough, pet.”

Their mouths clashed in passionate abandon, each demanding submission from the other, and each just as determined as the other not to give in.

Working her hands between their bodies, Buffy set about undoing his belt. The fact that she was the only one naked was a distinct disadvantage and she had every intention of rectifying the situation as soon as possible. She was grateful when he lifted his hips so she could work his jeans off, and then she quickly moved back up his body, sliding her bare skin against his at every opportunity.

Before she could settle herself atop him again, William rolled them over and lifted himself from her body. She hadn’t even had a chance to frown in question when he swept an arm across the coffee table, sending everything on top of it clattering to the floor. Then he lifted her up in his arms and deposited her abruptly on the table’s wooden surface. Kneeling in front of her, he hooked her legs over his shoulders and leaned forward to kiss her.

Crying out, Buffy bucked her hips violently against his mouth. “Oh God,” she whispered as he began to lick, nibble and suck on her wet flesh until she thought she’d die from the pleasure. Every few seconds he would flick the tip of his tongue against her clitoris, sending her into sweet spasms of ecstasy that reached higher and higher with every contact. As her first orgasm began to take her over, she reached down to tangle her fingers in his hair, holding him against her as she rode the waves of her own completion.

Just as the feelings began to ebb, she felt William entering her with slow, rhythmic thrusts and she moaning in satisfaction. Wrapping her legs around his back, she used her own hands to stroke her body. Circling her hard nipples with her fingertips, she smiled as she heard William’s strangled groan.

Lifting himself carefully off his knees, William moved her back across the coffee table so he could lower himself onto her body without sliding out of her warmth. As he pressed kisses along her collarbone, his thrusts became more forceful and Buffy could feel another orgasm building low in her belly. Moving with the force of his pounding hips, she could feel her head edging off the back of the table and, loving the way her back arched up into him, she allowed her head to drop backwards. Her golden hair spilled down to brush against the carpet and soft sighs escaped her as she felt herself falling into an abyss of pleasure. Relaxing her body, she allowed the feelings to ripple through her, peaking as she felt William coming inside her; her name was a hoarse cry on his lips as he shuddered with his own release.

When they had both grown still, their harsh breathing the only sound in the room, William stood and lifted her gently from the coffee table. They kissed languidly as he carried her into the bedroom and there they curled up in each other’s arms. Their happiness complete as they drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Can I sneak a peak in the bag now?”

Buffy looked up to see William holding the bag she’d brought with her when she came for dinner. “Sure.”

Obviously curious, William quickly opened the bag. He looked up in confusion. “As desserts go they’re tasty, but somehow lack sophistication.”

She laughed. “Get over here.” Rifling through her bag, Buffy found a packet of birthday candles and a cigarette lighter. When William handed her the bag she pulled out the two cup cakes, carefully placed a candle in each of the cakes and lit them.

Sensing the sudden solemnity of her mood, William ventured, “Whose birthday is it Buffy?”

She looked at him with a sad smile, her eyes a little watery. “Dawn’s. It’s Dawn’s birthday.” When he reached for her she moved into his embrace willingly. “I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to celebrate it alone.”

“I don’t mind love,” he reassured her. “I know how much you loved her. How much you still miss her.”

Nodding, she said, “I do. I miss all of them.” A tear escaped to roll down her cheek and she swiped it away. “I know I can’t see them again but…I don’t want to forget them either.” She stared at the candle on her cup cake. The wax was slowly dribbling down the side of the candle, pooling at the base. If she waited much longer to blow it out she wouldn’t be able to eat any of the icing. The icing was Dawn’s favourite part. “They were my family.”

When Buffy looked at William a few moments later she frowned. He was staring at her with an odd look on his face, like he was suddenly psyching himself for something.

“Will, what’s wrong?”

He snapped out of it suddenly and shook his head. “Nothing.”

She lifted an eyebrow at him.

“It’s just…about you not wanting to forget.” He got up from the couch, obviously nervous, though she had no idea why. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to show you.”

“Okay,” she said carefully. “Show me.”

He became so still it was like he’d been captured in a freeze frame. “Well…it’s getting late. Maybe you should see it another time.”

“Show me.” Her expression clearly dared him to disobey her.

Swearing softly he disappeared into his office for a moment before returning with a small stack of paper clutched in one hand.

“What’s that?” She smiled expectantly, intrigued to know just what had her normally confident boyfriend so agitated.

He inched toward her slowly. “It’s just an idea I had. If you hate it I’ll throw it out and we never even have to mention it again.”

Rolling her eyes she reached forward to snatch the papers from his hand. “For goodness sake Will. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”

Settling back into the couch with her now candle-less cup cake, she began to read…

Buffy left the building quietly, holding the large crossbow close to her chest. She could feel the smoothness of the satin dress brushing against her legs as she walked and mused on the irony of it all. Walking to her death, dressed in satin, with a weapon clutched in her hands.

A little boy was standing motionless in the grass just outside the school. “Help me?” he cried helplessly. She almost smiled. And the ironies just keep coming…

**********

When she was finished reading, Buffy shuffled the pages until they were neat again and placed them carefully on the table in front of her. Picking up the wine glass that was left on the table from dinner, she drained it dry. Only then did she look at William. The terrified look on his face was almost laughable. Almost.

“So, how long have you been writing about my life?” she asked politely.

“Not long.” He swallowed. “I know it’s probably a poor imitation but…one day over breakfast I was thinking about the stuff you’d told me about the night you fought the Master. When he killed you. And before I knew it I had a pen in my hand. It just kind of came out.”

Buffy took a moment to digest that before she spoke. “Okay. I get that. So what are you planning to do with it?”

William shook his head, throwing up his hands as he took a seat beside her on the couch. “That’s up to you. You can throw it out. You can keep it. We could continue it just between ourselves. Hell, if you want we could turn it into a book and try to get it published. Make it a series if we wanted.”

Interesting, she mused as she sat quietly, watching him squirm. She wanted to say something to make him feel better; but in all honestly she still had no idea how she felt about all this. He was writing her life! Granted he was doing a great job of it, but still…shouldn’t she be mad or something?

Growing more agitated under her calm perusal, William added, “You said that you didn’t want to forget them. I thought this might be a way for you to remember all the wonderful and painful and courageous things you did; and maybe even share them with the world. I’d like to think I’m a half decent writer now, and Buffy you have the most imaginative, amazing mind I’ve ever known. Together I really think we could create something wonderful and…and I’m running on and on like a right fool.” Glaring at the stack of paper reproachfully, he snatched it off the table impatiently and made for the kitchen. “Forget it. It was a dumb idea to begin with.”

“I don’t really want to share my entire life in Sunnydale with anyone who cares to read about it,” she began, causing him to halt halfway to the kitchen.

“I know. I’m sorry–” he began, but she cut him off.

“But…If you wrote it, you really think you could get it published?”

A hopeful smile appeared on his face as he replied, “If we wrote it then yes, I would like to think we could get it published.”

Buffy nodded thoughtfully. “And you’d set it up as a series of books? One for each of my…adventures, for lack of a better word.”

He nodded slowly.

“I have a condition.”

Quickly reseating himself on the couch, William took Buffy’s hands in his. “Anything love. Just name it.”

She took a deep breath. “I want Dawn to be the slayer.”

William’s eyes blinked in surprise. “What?”

Buffy looked at him steadily. “I said I want Dawn to be the slayer.”

He cocked his head to one side and Buffy fought a sudden smile at the Spike-like gesture.

“Why?” he asked.

She shrugged. “It just seems right somehow. I don’t belong there anymore and I don’t think I should be there. I think it would be bad for me.” She sighed a little sadly. “Dawn always felt like she was on the outside looking in. I want her to be the centre of attention this time.”

After a long silence, William smiled. “I like it. Plus there’s the whole irony thing with her name. A girl that’s named after the sunrise being forced to spend her nights fighting for her life in the darkness.”

Buffy smiled. “I didn’t think of that. See…that’s why you’re the writer.”

William chuckled. “Plus, I can’t say I would be displeased not to have to write about you and Angel.”

She nodded in understanding. “I get that.”

“But then again…I think writing about Dawn and Angel would be worse.”

“Ewww.” Buffy’s face screwed up at the thought.

“Exactly. But so much of your early life there was driven by your relationship with Angel. If we’re going to do something similar, it won’t work without a love interest.”

Thinking for a moment, Buffy suddenly grinned. “It’s all under control. I know just the person to sweep Dawn off her feet.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Connor.”

“Yep.”

“Who is Connor?”

“Angel’s son.”

William’s eyebrows made an attempt to disappear into his hair. “Angel had a son?”

“Again with the yep.” She finished her cup cake with an appreciative sigh.

“When did this happen? And how?”

Buffy stood up and began pacing the room, gesticulating wildly with her hands. “Something about a prophecy. I don’t really know the ins and outs to be honest. He wasn’t born that long ago.”

Looking confused, William asked, “So you want to what…age baby Connor so he’ll be a match for Dawn?”

Buffy turned back to him with a mischievous look on her face. “No need. He was a teenager when I left.”

“Huh?” The look on William’s face was every bit as flummoxed as Buffy thought it would be and she couldn’t help but laugh.

She sat on the couch beside him. “Okay, he was a baby when he was kidnapped by some dude and taken to another dimension called Kotot or something. Time moves faster there, so when he came back he was all grown up. A seventeen year old bundle of stud-muffiny goodness.” She shrugged with a little smile. “I saw a picture.”

“Was he a vampire?” William asked, becoming animated with watcher-like interest.

“From what I heard he was human, but he had all the neat vamp advantages like strength and healing abilities and stuff. And that other dimension he grew up in was a hell dimension – really big with the demons and other nasty things. So, he was a really good fighter. He had to be to stay alive.” She thought for a moment. “I guess we can either choose to leave him the way he was, or turn him into a vampire. After all, it’s our book, right?”

“Right.” William laughed at her growing enthusiasm. “Well then,” he exclaimed happily. “I guess we have our hero.”

**********

Connor woke choking on a scream that refused to escape his throat; his sweat-drenched body tense to the point of shaking. Panicked eyes scanned the room, searching the darkness for any signs of danger. The familiarity of his dorm room was all that met his gaze.

With a weary sigh he pushed back the covers and rose from the bed. Making his way to the window he looked out over the college grounds; all lush and green after the summer showers. As he observed the stillness, the calm of the night, he finally began to relax. The tension faded from his body and he stretched to relieve his tired muscles.

Every night had been the same since his parents had told him the truth about where he’d really come from. An anguished sound left his throat at the thought of his parents. Only they weren’t his parents were they. No. In truth he was the unborn spawn of two master vampires. The strength and abilities he had just begun to discover were his unholy inheritance; all he had to show for his true heritage.

He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. Everything he remembered about his life was false – his happy childhood, his friends, the time he’d kissed Sally Davis behind the gym. That was all a lie. His real memories had only started a couple of months ago. So what really happened before that? Before this shiny, happy life?

For a while he had tried to remember his true past. He would sit for hours meditating, trying to bring those hidden memories to the surface. At first nothing had happened, but then, with some practice, he began to feel a sense of great dread wash over him with every attempt, and his mind would instinctively shy away. It was almost like someone else was lurking beneath the shadows of his consciousness. Someone evil.

That’s when the dreams he’d been having became nightmares. Ghoulish visions of demons and bloodshed. In every dream he was fighting for his life, hunted like an animal by monsters so grotesque and deformed that he never could have conjured them with his own limited imagination. Now, instead of seeking the truth, he shunned it. There was so much darkness and death there; he wasn’t sure he even wanted to know. But with the dreams getting worse; he was beginning to think that maybe it was already too late.

So now, with two sets of memories intertwining in his mind – one he remembered clearly, and another shrouded in shadows – the question became: Who was he really?


Buffy looked up from the page in excitement? “You made this stuff up?”

William nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been playing around with it and this is how I’m thinking it could go. When Connor comes back from that hell dimension, Angel decides he’s put the kid through enough and has his true memories replaced with memories of a happy life with a loving family. That family takes care of Connor until something happens that reveals his hidden strengths. Like he’s in some horrific accident but is completely unhurt. Right?”

Buffy nodded, so he continued, full of excitement and enthusiasm. “So when he finds out the truth he starts trying to figure out what his powers actually are. That’s how he crosses paths with Dawn.”

“So, will he ever remember what really happened to him?”

“Yes!” William shouted, practically bursting with energy. “Angel and you were torn apart when he lost his soul. Well, Connor’s regaining of all those traumatic memories, for whatever reason we come up with, can be the thing that tears Connor and Dawn apart. This kid lived in a hell dimension for seventeen years. He’s only been back for one or two years. He’s gonna be a wreck when he remembers it all.

“It gives us a lot to work with. Plus, it still leaves the readers with hope of Dawn and Connor ending up together because they aren’t a hopeless cause. They just have a lot to work through.” He shrugged, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Kind of like us when you first got back.”

“Oh my God,” Buffy murmured as she got up from the couch. “I’m so hot for you right now.”

William laughed as he grabbed her by the hips. “Hell, I’m so good I’m hot for me right now.”

Smiling, Buffy tossed the papers onto the floor and tackled him to the couch. “I get to have you first.”

[A/N: I took a small detour from the canon of the two shows here. As far as we know Buffy never knew about Connor. Also, Gone was aired in March of 2002 and Connor didn’t return from Quor-toth till May of 2002. I was so disappointed when I found out. But…I loved the idea so much that I used it anyway. Also, William quite conveniently thought of some of the storyline that actually happened in Angel. Wasn’t that insightful of him?]

Chapter Twenty-Four

“So where would you like to have lunch pet?” Spike asked as they strolled along Main Street, browsing through the stores.

Buffy shrugged. “Hmmm, I feel like a big juicy hamburger.”

Grinning, William put his arm around her shoulders to hug her closer against him. “You got it ducks. Frank’s Diner makes the best hamburgers you’ve ever tasted. You’ll love it.”

“Yay,” she replied happily.

“Hey, isn’t that your Dad?”

Following William’s gaze, Buffy looked across the street, noting that they were indeed opposite her father’s workplace. On the sidewalk in front of the building, her father was talking amiably with a woman about his age. She was wearing a stylish business suit and Buffy figured she must have been someone he worked with. “Yeah, that’s him,” she answered. “Maybe we should go say hello.”

As they watched her father and the woman seemed to be saying their goodbyes. Hank leaned forward to give the woman a quick kiss on the cheek before getting into a cab and driving off into the distance. Suddenly, the world seemed to tilt sideways and Buffy reached for William’s hand as she felt herself starting to hyperventilate. It wasn’t a romantic kiss, she mused thoughtfully, even as she felt panic engulfing her body. It was the kind of kiss you give an acquaintance or an old friend. So why, she wondered as the blackness closed in, why am I crying?

**********

Pictures flickered behind her eyelids, like an old movie reel. She tried to open her eyes but they felt so heavy. Her head swirled with the images filling her brain and she rolled over, trying to escape them.

She saw her father in his office at home. He wasn’t alone.

She’d come home from school that day because she felt sick. Walking up to the door she turned the knob, intending to let her father know she was home before going up to bed. He was there. So was she; that strange woman Buffy had never seen before. Now she saw more than she ever wanted to see. He had her bent over the desk and he was…from behind.

Buffy had frozen in place, her eyes wide with shock as she watched them move together. Thrusting and groaning like a pair of animals. Finally, with a cry, she tore herself away, running back out the front door and into the street.

She’d seen her perfect life go up in smoke when she’d opened that door. Everything she’d believed she had was gone. The perfect family. Two parents that loved her and loved each other. All gone. Nothing she’d ever known was real. It had all been a lie.

Desperate to avoid her father, she’d run and run until she’d reached a nearby park. She’d played there, with her parents, as a child. They’d been happy times.

There had been a man that night. A tall man with a beard and funny clothes. He’d found her sitting on the park bench, crying, and had asked if she was okay. She had no idea what made her tell this man, this stranger, what she’d seen. But she did.

“This is terrible but…you’ll be okay,” he’d told her. “You’re stronger than you think, you know.”

She’d sniffed sadly. “I’m not strong. I’m just me.”

When he looked at her, she saw wisdom in his eyes and for a moment it made her feel safe again. “Don’t be so quick to dismiss yourself,” he’d told her. “Your potential is greater than you realise. You can slay demons if only you believe in yourself. You see, my dear, even you can be a hero if you choose to be.”

“A hero?” she whispered reverently.

“Oh yes,” he replied. “You need only to believe.”

Seeming satisfied with their conversation, the old man rose from the bench and began to walk away.

Seeing him go, Buffy asked suddenly, “What’s your name?”

He turned for a moment to smile at her, a bright twinkle in his eye. “Merrick,” he replied.


Buffy bolted upright in the bed, her eyes wide with shock. Gulping great lungfuls of air, she fought to calm her thundering pulse.

“Buffy? Are you okay?”

Turning her head, she found William kneeling by her side, concern etched on his face. Spots began to form once again in front of her eyes and she keened softly. Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, she tried to make sense of the flood of memories that were swamping her. They were all disjointed, out of order, out of context. It made her want to vomit.

She saw William, a scruffy sixteen year old with long, curling, light brown hair. He’d smiled at her shyly as his parents introduced him to her. He’d had an honesty about him and she’d liked him right away.

She saw herself helping William bleach his hair after he’d been beaten up at school. Together they’d decided he needed a new image, something that screamed ‘nerd’ a little less.

She saw the nervous but excited look on his face as leaned in to kiss her for the first time. She’d been almost dizzy with anticipation. William’s lips. Lips of William. She heard herself groan as she returned his kiss.

She saw the look on his face as she told him about Merrick and the vampires. She’d been so relieved to finally tell someone. She trusted him completely and knew that he would keep her secret.

She saw herself crying as she was restrained by a large orderly. “Please Mommy, you have to let me come home. I’ll be good I promise; I won’t talk about the vampires anymore. I’ll-I’ll tell Merrick I quit.”

She saw her mother’s beautiful face, now ravaged by tears and suffering. “I’m sorry Buffy. But the doctors here can help you and then you’ll be well again. I’ll be here everyday to visit you and so will William.”

Her eyes had landed on William then. She’d felt the pain of his treachery deeper than anything else she’d ever experienced in her young life. “You,” she spat angrily. “This is all your fault. You and your big mouth.” Suddenly she was yelling at him, blaming him for everything that she couldn’t deal with in her life. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I hate you. I hope you rot in hell, you traitor!”

With a lurch, Buffy dragged herself back to the present. Harsh barking sobs wracked her body as she was bombarded with a myriad of emotions. “Will,” she cried loudly when she realised she was alone in the room, knowing that he would be nearby.

He was in the room in an instant, dropping his cell phone on the floor in his rush to get to her. When his arms closed around her she all but fell into his embrace. “It’s alright, baby,” he said soothingly. “I’m here; and your Mum’s on her way.”

When she finally caught her breath, she looked at him with sorrowful eyes. “I remember, Will,” she whispered. “I remember everything.”

A light sparked in William’s eyes and he asked quietly, “You remember…”

“You?” she finished for him. “Yes. I remember you.” Her face dissolved again into tears and she clutched him tightly to her. “I’m so sorry, Will. The way I treated you. The things I said to you. How can you ever forgive me?”

“Hey,” he said soothingly as he stroked her back with gentle fingers. “You were an angry, scared sixteen year old girl, Buffy. You believed everything you’d told me was the truth and that I betrayed you.” He drew back to look into her tear-reddened eyes. “I won’t say it didn’t hurt – a lot. But I’m not angry about any of that. I never was.”

“Really?” she squeaked, sounding like a little girl to her own ears.

He hugged her close again. “Really, truly.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Joyce looked beyond harassed as she barged through William’s front door without knocking.

“Where is she?” she demanded when she spotted him in the kitchen. “Is she okay?”

“She’s doing better now,” he replied, quick to reassure her. “But she’s had a rough time of it. She’s on the couch.”

Nodding her thanks, Joyce immediately made for the living room. “Buffy?”

Looking up, Buffy practically flew into her mother’s arms, the seemingly never ending tears starting yet again.

“Honey, what happened?” Her mother sounded calmer now that she was holding Buffy in her arms; could see for herself that her daughter was alright.

William entered with cups of hot tea and Buffy sank back down onto the couch, accepting her cup gratefully.

Taking a sip of the hot liquid, she placed the cup carefully on the coffee table. “Will and I were shopping on Main Street this morning,” she began, hating that she had to have this conversation. “We were passing by Dad’s office building and we just happened to see him out the front talking to a woman. He kissed her on the cheek and then left in a taxi.” Seeing her mother’s eyes widen in surprise, she hurried on, “Not that kind of kiss. Just a friendly kiss. But…it sent me into some kind of panic attack.”

“A panic attack,” her mother said. “But why would that–”

“Mom,” Buffy cut her off, needing to get this out before she lost her nerve. “I know why I got sick.”

It took her a half hour to explain it all. In that time her mother had risen to go stand by the window. She had yet to say a word.

“I think that first night there really was a Merrick. That he was just a man who saw a girl crying in the park and wanted to make her feel better,” she said as she was finishing her tale of that life-altering day. “But after that…I think maybe that’s when I started to see things that weren’t really there. Merrick, or the thought of Merrick, became a safe haven for me. I just wanted to feel like I was in control again. I wanted to be a hero.”

Rising from the couch, Buffy approached her mother, touching her on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.”

“I knew.” Her mother’s voice was so quiet she almost missed the words.

Buffy frowned, thinking she must have heard wrong. “What?”

Joyce turned from the window and now Buffy could see the anger in her eyes. “I knew he was having an affair. I’d insisted he end it; he didn’t. We’d been talking about a separation. Then you got sick.” Joyce’s fists clenched tightly and her voice wavered with rage. “Suddenly he changed. He told me he was sorry and that he would never do it again. That he just wanted to concentrate on you and our marriage.” She began to shake her head. “He never told me that you knew. He never told me that you saw him like that…with her.”

Moving suddenly, Joyce grabbed her purse from the coffee table and headed for the door. “He never told me it was all his fault!”

**********

When Buffy and William pulled to a screeching halt in front of the house a few minutes later, they could already hear the argument that was going on inside.

“How could you?!” Joyce’s voice bellowed as they came through the front door.

“What was I supposed to say?” Hank’s words were quieter, his face heavy with shame. “Our daughter saw me having sex with another woman and it drove her crazy – literally. You were already so upset. How was I supposed to tell you that?”

Holding William’s hand clenched tightly in her own, Buffy took a deep breath and, swiping at the tears on her cheeks, she entered the room.

When Hank caught sight of her, he stilled. “Buffy,” he whispered.

When she continued to stand silently just inside the doorway he walked slowly toward her. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Why did you do it, Dad?” she asked solemnly. “I thought we were happy; a family.”

He shook his head angrily, though she could tell it was self-directed. “I don’t know. Your mother and I were having problems and I just…let it happen. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.”

“Didn’t you wonder why I never told Mom?” Her composure was beginning to crack now, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

“At first I guess I just thought you didn’t want to upset your mother. But then later, when we realised there was something wrong with you…You didn’t seem to even remember it.”

“I couldn’t honestly tell you if I remembered it or not,” she snapped. “From that night on I’m not sure what memories are real and which are false. I’ll never know for sure what happened next.” Her body began to crumble as she fought against the reality of the situation. Her own father had triggered the breakdown that kept her a prisoner in her own mind for six long years. No wonder I had such fucked up relationships with men, she thought bitterly.

William’s arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her upright and she was grateful for his support.

“Tell me,” she demanded with a quiet force. “Why did you stay?”

“Oh my God.” Joyce’s shocked murmur reached them from across the room before Hank had a chance to answer. “You stayed because you felt guilty. You told me you loved me and begged me to take you back so we could support Buffy together. But really you just felt guilty for making her sick in the first place. You bastard.” They had barely registered that she had moved when the sudden crack of her hand meeting his face sounded.

Holding his reddening cheek, Hank pleaded, “I realised that what I was doing was destroying my family. It wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to lose you, Joyce. And I would have done anything to make Buffy well again.”

“Anything except tell the truth? It might have made a difference Hank!” Joyce stationed herself between Hank and Buffy, as if she felt the need to protect her daughter now where she couldn’t before. “Maybe if they’d known what really happened, they could have done something differently. They could have pulled her back before she went too far.”

“I told the doctor, Joyce – in confidence. He said he would factor it into her treatment.” He shook his head, looking more defeated than Buffy had ever seen him. “It didn’t change anything.”

Overwhelmed by all this new information, Buffy pressed her hands to her temples. It was too much to take in all at once. The rage she saw in her mother, the brokenness of her father. Her own confused feelings; at once relieved to finally know why she got sick and disgusted that the cause was so base and deceitful.

“I have to get out of here,” she declared suddenly. Bolting for the front door she flung it open and ran out into the darkness of the night.

Chapter Twenty-Six

When Buffy heard footsteps approaching she looked up, half expecting to find Merrick looking down on her once again. After all, it was the same park, the same bench even.

She never expected to find Giles.

“Hello Buffy.” He spoke softly, with that small loving smile he always used when he hadn’t seen her in a while.

With an anguished sob, Buffy threw herself into his arms, holding on for dear life. “Don’t go. Please Giles, don’t leave me.”

He made a soothing noise as he patted her on the back. “It’s alright Buffy. I’m here.” Slowly he eased her back onto the bench, sitting beside her.

“How is this possible?” she asked, confused by his sudden presence. “You don’t even exist.”

“I’ll always be here when you need me.”

“But you’re not supposed to be here,” Buffy cried. She shook her head, even as her eyes refused to leave his face. She couldn’t help but drink in the very sight of him. “Am I going crazy again?”

In true Giles style the glasses came off, the handkerchief came out and he began his trademark cleaning. For some reason it made her feel marginally better. “What do you want me to tell you?” he asked solemnly.

It was on the tip of her tongue to say, Lie to me. But she knew she couldn’t do that anymore. She’d been lied to enough; had lied to herself enough.

“No,” she declared forcefully. “I’m not going crazy. I decide this time and I’m not.” Seeming satisfied, she took a deep breath and turned to look at him again. “I’m really glad to see you though.”

“It’s good to see you too.” He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “How are you doing?”

“Well today sucks beyond the telling,” she replied bluntly. “But…for the most part I’m doing okay. I’m finishing school – again. I have a job I enjoy, new friends, and I have William.”

He stared at her for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to say something and she couldn’t help but ask, “What is it?”

“It’s Spike,” Giles replied. “He’s gone. When you left, it was like he just disappeared. At first I thought that maybe he’d left town, but now I wonder if maybe you didn’t just take him with you when you left.”

A slow smile appeared on Buffy’s lips. “You talk the way Will does. Like I just moved to a different city.”

Giles shrugged. “That’s the way it feels to me.”

Deciding not to analyse that answer too much, Buffy replied, “Maybe you’re right; maybe Spike is back where he’s supposed to be. A part of William.”

Giles smiled knowingly. “I take it you’ll never be returning to Sunnydale then?”

She took his hand, loving how real he felt. His skin, warm under her fingers. “No. Sunnydale doesn’t need me anymore. It has Dawn now. I’ll see to that.”

“We’ll miss you, Buffy. It won’t be the same without you.”

She smiled. “I know. But I don’t want it to be the same. So it’s okay.”

Giles stood, moving a few feet from the bench and Buffy knew that he would be leaving soon.

“Will I ever see you again?” she asked, not bothering to fight the tears that streamed down her face.

“Of course you will,” he replied resolutely. “Willow, Xander, all of us. You’ll see us in every page.”

**********

“Buffy?!”

She moved the phone away from her ear for a moment, while the pain died down. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Oh thank God. Where are you? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine Mom. I’m at Milton Park, just down the road from home.”

There were a few muffled words spoken before her mother said, “Stay right there. William’s coming to get you.”

“Okay. Before he gets here, I need to talk to you.”

“If it’s about your father…I don’t even know what to say. I can barely look at him right now.”

“No, it’s not about that.” She took a deep breath, suddenly wishing she’d never promised her mother that she’d tell her if anything out of the ordinary happened. She’d never expected to have to keep it. “I saw Giles tonight; here in the park.”

There was silence at the other end and Buffy could picture the fear on her mother’s face.

“It’s okay Mom. Don’t panic. I think he was just here to…say goodbye.”

“Are you sure, Buffy?” There was obvious doubt in her voice.

“Yeah. And I’ll talk to Dr Callahan about it at my next appointment, I promise. But I had to tell you now. That was the deal. Right?”

She could hear her mother’s relief. “That’s right.”

“I can see Will coming now so I’m going to go. I think I’ll head back to his place for the night.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then. And Buffy,” she added, “it will make me sleep better at night, knowing that you’re keeping your promise.”

Buffy smiled. “I know, Mom,” she said, before hanging up. “Me too.”

“Buffy love.” When William reached her he immediately dropped to his knees in front of her. “I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I just needed to get out of there.”

“I get that.” He nodded his understanding. “How are you feeling now?”

She saw the worry on his face and instantly knew the cause. She sighed. “Everyone is always so scared that I’m going to leave again.”

“Yes,” he admitted simply. “When something stressful like this happens, I worry it will be too much for you.”

Frowning, she ran her hand soothingly through his hair. “I know I can’t take that fear away. But I’m going to prove to you every day that I’m here to stay.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a fierce hug before she continued. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

William moved to sit beside her on the bench, his jaw ticking as he seemed to prepare himself for the worst. “Okay love. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

She smiled at him, glad that this would be good news for a change. “I love you, Will.”

His mouth dropped open in shock and his eyes widen comically. “You what…?”

Buffy laughed, feeling lighter than she had in weeks. “I’m in love with you William Reynolds. Totally, irrevocably in love with you.”

He cupped her face with his hands; his eyes reflecting his amazement. “Oh Buffy. I love you too. Have loved you for so long.”

She clung to him like she’d die without him, and she could tell from the strength of his grasp that it was the same for him. Suddenly everything else faded. The situation with her parents, her struggles with reinserting herself into her old life. She knew without a doubt that she could cope with all of that. As long as William stood at her side, she could handle anything.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“Thanks for letting me stay with you,” Buffy said once again as she dumped the last of her things in Rachel’s spare room. “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s cool,” Rachel panted as she set down the box she was carrying and led the way back to the living room. “I’d been thinking of getting a flatmate anyway. That spare room was full of junk. I don’t know why I even brought it with me when I moved here.”

Buffy saw the sadness in Rachel’s eyes and guessed, “It was Charlie’s stuff?”

Rachel’s head lifted with a start, and then she sighed. “Yeah. Pretty pathetic huh?”

Shaking her head Buffy went to the fridge and poured them both a drink. “Not at all. It takes time to let go, that’s all.” She giggled suddenly. “Of course, with Zac following you around like a lost puppy it shouldn’t be too hard to take your mind off the past.”

“That’s true,” Rachel agreed with a happy smile. A new twinkle had taken to appearing in her eyes whenever Zac’s name came up, and Buffy was delighted that her two new favourite people were getting along so well.

The two women sat down on the couch, fully prepared to spend the remainder of the afternoon recovering from the move.

“Buffy? Can I ask you a question?” When Buffy motioned for her to continue, Rachel asked quietly. “Why did you need to move so suddenly?”

“Oh,” Buffy groaned softly, not even sure where to start. “I found out that my Dad was having an affair when I was in high school and that that’s what triggered my breakdown.”

Rachel’s eyes widened dramatically. “Holy shit.”

Buffy nodded. “Pretty much.”

“I can understand why you’d want to get away from him.”

“It’s not so much that,” Buffy admitted. “I just don’t know how to act around him now. I don’t know what to feel. One minute I want to understand why he did what he did but the next I’m so full of anger I’m ready to tear his head off.

“Lucky for him you’re not strong enough to actually do that now.”

Buffy laughed, suddenly faced with the bizarre image of actually ripping off her father’s head. “Yeah, that’s probably a good thing.”

They sat in silence for a moment, lost in their own thoughts, until Rachel spoke. “Wow,” she said bluntly. “And I thought my life sucked.”

Laughing, Buffy taunted back, “Hey little miss jailbird. We’re still even on the whole life-suckage thing here. Don’t go backing out on me now.”

“Touché, my dear,” Rachel conceded. “What did Will say about you moving in with me?”

Buffy cringed. “I haven’t told him yet.”

Rachel’s surprise was obvious. “Why not?”

They were interrupted by the ringing of Buffy’s cell phone. Looking at the screen she sighed and looked at Rachel. “It’s Will. Time to come clean.”

**********

William greeted her with a hug and a lingering kiss that made Buffy’s insides squirm with guilt.

“Thanks for letting me come over on such short notice,” she said brightly as she moved away.

“Of course.” Frowning, William followed her into the living room. “What’s wrong, pet? You seem nervous.”

“I do?” Buffy heard the fake laugh that left her own mouth and winced. “I do,” she agreed.

He looked at her expectantly and she decided it was best to just come out with it. “I moved in with Rachel today.”

Shock crossed his face, quickly followed by confusion. “Why?”

Pacing around the room, Buffy started to gesticulate wildly. “I just couldn’t stay at my parent’s house anymore. I convinced Mom to let Dad stay in the guest room instead of a hotel till they work everything out, but they are fighting constantly. I don’t know what’s going to happen with them. I don’t want them to break up but…Mom feels so betrayed. I can’t blame her for feeling that way.” She groaned in frustration. “I just don’t want to be caught in the middle of it all.”

William nodded in understanding. “Okay. That makes sense. But Buffy, if you needed a place to stay you could have stayed here with me.”

Pointing her finger at him, she exclaimed, “And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you before I moved. So it would be too late when you said I could stay here.”

“I didn’t quite follow you around that bend, pet,” he said quietly, obviously uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. “Is there some reason we shouldn’t be together?”

Not wanting him to get the wrong idea Buffy was quick to reassure him. “I love you Will; I do. And I want to be with you.”

“So then what’s the problem?”

“I want to do the independence thing,” she reasoned. “I’ve never been on my own before. I want to prove that I can take care of myself.”

“You already proved that. You took care of yourself and Dawn.”

“I know but…I still wasn’t alone. Dawn was there. Willow was there.” She frowned, wanting desperately for him to understand. “This is just something I need to do for myself. Here. In the real world.”

William cocked his head to the side, as if trying to figure something out. “Okay. I get that. What I don’t get is why you were so worried about telling me.”

Pouting, Buffy admitted, “Because I knew that you’d offer to let me stay with you and it would have been way too hard to say no.”

Smiling, William slid his arms around her waist. “I’m that irresistible, huh?”

“Absolutely,” she replied, giving in to his kiss. “Besides,” she continued when they parted, “when we move in together, I want it to be for the right reasons.”

Holding her close, William agreed, “Me too.”

“So you aren’t upset with me then?” she asked hesitantly.

“Well you did pass up on the opportunity for sex on tap,” he replied easily. “I may feel the need to be piqued for the sake of my hormones.”

Slapping him playfully on the shoulder, Buffy laughed. “Don’t you ever think about anything else?”

Looking thoughtful, William responded, “Of course. Sometimes I think about food.”

Gasping in mock outrage, Buffy attacked him, digging her fingers into his sides till he was convulsing in laughter. When he finally caught her hands and twisted them behind her back she was practically lying on top of him. Deciding to take advantage of this new position, he captured her lips in a light kiss. “How about some of that sex, then we’ll move on to the food later?”

Buffy’s muffled agreement was his only answer.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

William came bursting through the door, without knocking, frantically waving a single piece of paper in the air. “They want to read it!” he shouted excitedly.

Looking up from their place on the couch, where they’d been enjoying a quiet evening of TV, Buffy and Rachel both stared at him in bemused shock.

“Huh?” Buffy finally asked.

“Remember the publisher we sent our partial to?”

She nodded, finally getting up off the couch. “With the first three chapters and the whole synopsis thingy? How could I forget? You were agonising over every word for a week.”

William was practically shaking with excitement. “Well it was worth every single minute because they want to read the full.” When she just looked at him blankly he almost burst. “They want to read the book, Buffy.”

A smile appeared on her face as she took in his words. “Wow. That means they might publish it, right?”

“Exactly.”

Catching up to his enthusiasm in little more than a heartbeat, she began to bounce excitedly, clapping her hands. “That’s fantastic.” Unable to contain herself, she launched herself at him, wrapping her legs around his waist as she hugged him eagerly. “I can’t believe it.”

Holding up the hand that wasn’t clutching the letter, William revealed a bottle. “I brought champers to celebrate.”

“Hell, Will,” Rachel exclaimed, taking the bottle from him and beginning to open it. “This calls for a party.”

Less than an hour later the living room was full to bursting as they were joined by Zac, Kate, Abby and Ben.

“Here’s to Will and Buff’s book,” Zac toasted loudly as they all held up their champagne glasses. “May the publisher not only buy the book but pay them oodles and oodles of cash so they can take us all to the Bahamas on a holiday.”

The group consensus of, “Here, here!” rang noisily through the room.

Buffy and William shared a kiss as their glasses clinked together. “Here’s to a bright future, pet. You and me.”

Smiling, Buffy laid her head on his shoulder with a happy sigh. “Sounds perfect.”

**********

Buffy was busy pouring chips into a bowl when Ben joined her in the kitchen. “Can I help?” he asked politely.

“Sure,” Buffy replied with a smile. “Just as soon as I finish this we can take everything into the living room.”

Nodding, Ben stood beside her a little awkwardly before adding, “Congratulations with your book.”

Buffy blushed. “Thanks. Though I still kind of consider it Will’s book. I still feel like I’m tagging along for the ride more than anything.”

“That’s not the way Will tells it. He says your imagination could rival anyone in the business.”

Not sure how to respond to that, she simply shrugged and changed the conversation. “How is your writing going? Will says you’re a really great writer.”

It was Ben’s turn to blush and he scratched his head in embarrassment. “I’m no where near as good as Will. But I’m improving, with the help of the group. I hope someday to be where you guys are now.”

Buffy smiled in what she hoped was a supportive manner. “Don’t worry. It’ll happen.” She marvelled at the fact that she was encouraging a fellow writer, who aspired to be like her no less, when she’d barely written a word of her and Will’s book. She was the storyteller. Will was the writer. But together they’d created a great book, so in the end she had to believe that was the important thing.

When she finally emerged from her own musings, it was to find Ben looking at her intently, an inquisitive twist to his lips. “Buffy can I ask you something?” His voice was quiet, obviously wanting to keep the question private.

Surprised by the question, and by the serious tone in his voice as he asked it, Buffy stopped what she was doing to look at him. “What would you like to know?”

“Are you Dawn?”

Her breathing stopped, even as her heart began to race. “Why would you think that?”

Ben stared self-consciously at his drink. “I just…I’ve noticed things. It’s the way you and Will talk when you’re discussing your book. It’s like he’s asking you if that’s the way things really happened, or sometimes you correct him and say things like ‘he didn’t say it like that, it was more like this’.” He looked at her; part confusion, part certainty. “It’s like you are Dawn somehow.”

Buffy swallowed heavily, wondering how this would affect her new life here. “Does anybody else know about this?”

Ben shook his head. “No. Nobody else has noticed I don’t think. It’s the whole writer thing,” he added. “We tend to take in more of what’s going on around us. You never know when you’ll stumble across your next story idea.”

“Right,” Buffy tried to force a smile. “I’m not Dawn, exactly. But I was the slayer.” She quickly gave Ben the same run-down she’d given Rachel, her anxiety growing with every word. This secret that she’d held for so many months, it wasn’t much of a secret anymore, and she worried how those she’d come to care about would treat her if they knew. Losing their friendship would be bad, but having them treat her differently, watching her to see if she’d do something crazy, would be so much worse. “So umm,” she stammered when she was finished, “what are you going to do now?”

“Do?” he asked in surprise. “Nothing. There’s nothing to do.” He was obviously trying to reassure her and she was grateful. “Buffy, don’t worry. If and when you decide to tell the others, they won’t think any less of you. You went through a really rough time and you came out the other side a stronger woman. There is honour in that.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you writers have quite a way with words?” she asked cheekily, grateful for his acceptance.

Ben smiled. “I hope so. I’m in the wrong profession if I don’t.”

They laughed together as they headed for the living room, bowls of snacks in hand.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Buffy chewed on the end of her pen, her brow furrowed in concentration. She was in the middle of writing about the conversation she’d had with Willow about having sex with Angel for the first time.

“I like seeing you at bedtime?” She cringed as she read the line aloud. It sounded more than a little lame now that she wasn’t actually in the moment. She could still picture the look on Willow’s face though and it made her giggle. She wished she could describe that look on paper, but that was where William came in. As far as she was concerned her writing still sucked.

A knock on the door interrupted her musings and she rose from the couch to answer it.

“Hello, Buffy.”

Hank’s expression was contrite and Buffy did her best to give him a welcoming smile. “Hi Dad.” Moving away from the door she gestured for him to enter.

“This is a nice place. You’re doing okay?” he asked nervously.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, hoping he’d get to the point as quickly as possible. “Why are you here?”

“Your mother and I are getting back together.” He watched her closely, obviously wanting to know her reaction. “At least…we’re trying. I’ve still got a lot more grovelling to do.”

Buffy wasn’t sure exactly how she felt about that, but she figured that after a while she’d be glad that her parents were still together. They’d seemed really happy when she first got back and she didn’t want to be the one to come between them. “That’s good. If you guys are happy, then so am I.”

Hank stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, still having yet to even take off his coat. “Buffy, I am so sorry about everything that happened. I never wanted to hurt you or your mother.”

“Well hey, having an affair was a sure fire way to fail there,” Buffy snapped without thinking. Regretting her harsh words, she tried to explain more accurately how she felt. “Look, Dad. The way I see it, the fact that you had an affair is between you and Mom. It’s not really any of my business. However,” she continued, “coming home to find my father having sex with a strange woman in my mother’s home when I was sixteen years old? That’s my business.”

“I don’t know what else to say, Buffy,” Hank said wearily. “I fucked up.”

“Yeah. You really did,” she replied.

“If I could take it back I would. I know it was my fault that you got sick,” he cried in anguish.

“No, it wasn’t,” Buffy replied quietly.

Surprised, Hank looked up at her. “What?”

“I don’t blame you for that.” Her shoulders slumped as she felt the fight drain out of her. “What happened to me was something I did to myself. I did what I had to do in order to cope and I take full responsibility for that.”

“But if you hadn’t seen what you did,” Hank argued, “there wouldn’t have been anything for you to cope with.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. “You do remember I was sixteen, right?” He shrugged dejectedly and Buffy couldn’t help but take pity on him. “I’m not saying it’s inevitable that something else would have happened to send me running to Sunnydale...but I also can’t say that it wouldn’t have happened either.”

“Still,” Hank persisted. “It wasn’t something else. It was me. It was what I did.”

“That’s true.” Buffy shrugged. “But I’m not bemoaning the years that I lost. I never have. For me they were filled with amazing experiences and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. They made me who I am.”

A tear trickled down Hank’s cheek as he looked at her with proud eyes. “Who you are is pretty amazing.”

A flush of pleasure spread through her at his words of praise and acceptance. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Will you ever be able to forgive me, Buffy? Do you think that things will ever be right between us again?” Hank asked tentatively.

“Someday.” Buffy nodded, wondering how many times she’d used that word now for questions such as these – but somehow it seemed to work for her. “Yeah. I think someday.”

**********

“Mom? Are you home?” Buffy called as she entered the house through the back door.

“In the kitchen!”

She found her mother sitting at the kitchen table and greeted her with a quick hug. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said as she sat down at the table. “Dad came by yesterday and told me you two are going to try again.”

“Yeah,” Joyce replied absently. “We’ll see how it goes.”

It was then that Buffy realised her mother was crying. “Mom, what’s wrong? Don’t you want to work things out with Dad?”

“It’s not that.” Wiping away the last of her tears with a tissue, Joyce closed the folder she had in front of her and slid it across the table.

Looking down, Buffy saw that it was a copy of her and William’s finished manuscript. “Oh,” she said, not quite sure what the problem was. “Where did you get that?”

“William thought I should read it.”

“Oh,” she repeated. “And you didn’t like it?”

“You did all those things? All those things that Dawn did?” Joyce asked.

Shrugging self-consciously, Buffy nodded.

“I had no idea. The danger you were in, how scared you were.” Joyce’s eyes began to fill again. “You were so brave.”

“It wasn’t all bad, Mom,” Buffy assured her. “I had you, and I had my friends.”

Nodding emphatically, Joyce cried, “I know. I just…I never thought about them as people. I didn’t want to know anything about them. They kept you from me for so long. But…reading this,” she hiccuped, “you must miss them terribly.”

Smiling sadly, Buffy answered, “I do. Every day.” She took her mother’s hand. “I tried to tell you; explain it to you, but…”

“But I wouldn’t listen,” Joyce finished for her.

She looked so miserable that Buffy couldn’t help but try to make her feel better. “I could still tell you,” she offered. “I’d like to be able to talk about them, the same way I talk about other parts of my past.”

Joyce smiled through her tears. “I think I’d like that.”

Buffy brightened. “Plus, I have new friends here that make it easier. I have a new life. And I can still visit Sunnydale whenever I want.” She smiled, remembering Giles’s final words to her. “It’s right there in the pages.”

Chapter Thirty

Buffy had a huge smile on her face as she entered her apartment. It was Halloween and she and William were heading to Freestyler with the gang for a party. She’d just purchased everything she needed for her costume and she couldn’t help but giggle in anticipation every time she thought of the look on William’s face when he saw her all done up. With the fangs and the fake blood, she’d be every bit the vampire. Something about the irony of it just delighted her.

Her cell phone rang and she dumped her bags on the kitchen counter so she could answer it. “Hey Will,” she greeted happily after checking the caller ID.

“’Evening, pet.” His sultry voice still sent shivers down her spine and she closed her eyes to savour the sensation. “I have good news and bad news.”

“Okay.” Buffy decided quickly. “Good news first.”

“I got a call from the publisher. Not only do they want to publish the book, they want to do a three-book deal with an option on more.”

Buffy squealed so loudly she was worried she might have burst his eardrum. “Oh my God, Will. That’s so fantastic.”

“I know. I couldn’t believe it.”

When she’d finally started to calm down, she remembered there was more. “So what’s the bad news?”

“I’m caught up getting the last of my costume so I’m going to be running a little late.”

“What’s the problem?” she asked in what she hoped was an off-hand manner.

“Oh no you don’t,” he laughed in her ear. “Stop fishing for information. I’m not telling you anything.”

“But Will…” she prodded.

“But nothing. You’ll see my costume when I get to the club.”

That was enough to make her change topic. “I thought you were coming here.”

“That’s the bad news. I was wondering if you could catch a ride with Rachel and Zac, and I’ll meet you there?”

Buffy shrugged, despite the fact that he couldn’t see her. “I guess. How late do you think you’ll be?”

“I’ll get there as soon as I can, kitten. I want to celebrate our imminent success.”

Buffy smiled excitedly as she said goodbye and hung up the phone. She quickly called Rachel to make arrangements to go to the club with her. Then, gathering her shopping bags, Buffy headed for the bedroom with a happy spring in her step. William’s gonna lose it when he sees me tonight.

**********

Two hours later Buffy came off the dance floor, exhilarated from her exertions. She was having the time of her life, and was more than a little tipsy, but was wishing William was there to share it with her. Heading out the front door, where it was relatively quiet, she pulled her phone from her pocket to give him a quick call. She was just finding William’s number in her contact list when she heard heavy footsteps approaching.

“Hello cutie.”

Looking up, her breath caught and her heart began to slam inside her chest. Standing in front of her, in all his glory, was Spike. Right down to the red shirt and the leather duster. Her insides ached simply at the site of him.

Swallowing heavily, Buffy whispered, “Spike? Is it really you?”

He moved to stand behind her and leaned down to purr into her ear. “Were you expecting someone else, slayer?”

At his words, Buffy’s eyes slid closed and her head dropped back onto his shoulder. Then, just as suddenly, she pulled away. Warding him off with one hand she looked down at the phone and chose a number from the list, quickly pressing ‘send’. He began to circle her quietly and she had to keep turning to keep him in her sights. His gaze wandered lustfully over her body and she almost cried with the need to touch him. Every part of him was perfection. Like he’d just stepped out of her dreams.

The phone at the other end picked up. “Hello?”

“Mom?” Her voice was barely about a whisper.

“Buffy? If everything alright?”

“Ahhh...I don’t know. Spike’s here.” At her words she saw a salacious grin appear on his face and he winked at her. She bit back a moan at the sight.

In her ear, she heard a small chuckle. “Don’t worry, honey. You’re not seeing things. Just remember it’s Halloween. Okay?”

With a relieved sign, Buffy answered, “Okay. I’ll do that.”

“Have fun.”

“Oh I will,” she replied, then blushed when she remembered she was talking to her mother.

Sliding her phone back into her pocket with quick, sharp movements, Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, planting an irritated expression on her face. “What are you doing here, Spike? I thought I told you to get out of my town.”

“Come on, slayer,” he whined, though he was obviously enjoying himself. “Give a guy a break. Don’t you know it’s Halloween?”

“Yeah, Halloween,” she argued. “It’s the one night of the year I get to relax and have a good time.”

Seeing his opportunity, Spike slid his hands over her hips, tugging her closer. “I could show you a good time, love.”

She fought the smile that was trying to bubble its way to the surface. “Spike, you’re a pig.”

“Oink, oink, baby.”

That did it. She couldn’t hold her laughter in any longer and she threw her arms around him in delight. “Will, you look fantastic. I love it.”

“Uh-huh,” he corrected her. “No Will tonight. Tonight, Spike wants to play with his slayer.”

Chuckling at his newfound enthusiasm for vamp-slayer fun, courtesy of one raucous bout of sex on the coffee table, Buffy pulled out her fake vampire teeth and tossed them in a near-by trashcan.

“It could be dangerous,” she told him with a sexy smirk as she began to back him up into an alleyway beside the club. “Someone could get hurt.”

Spike curled his tongue up behind his teeth and winked at her. “Promise?”

In a surprise attack, Buffy pushed him hard against a brick wall just inside the entrance to the alley. “I could just stake you now.”

He grinned at her knowingly. “You could…but you won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Moving swiftly, Spike grasped her wrists and turned them so that Buffy was the one with her back to the wall. Taking both of her wrists with one hand, he held them high above her head, allowing the other to slide with aching slowness down the curves of her body. “Because no one gets you hot the way I do. No one can make you come as hard.” He pinched her nipple through the softness of her shirt. “Or hurt as sweetly.”

Breathing hard, Buffy tried not to react to his touch. After all, she was the slayer, and the slayer never gave up easily. “That’s not true,” she gasped, but it sounded weak, even to her own ears.

He laughed low in his throat. “You can’t fool me, slayer.” Pressing the length of his body against hers, he whispered in her ear once again, “I can smell your need.” Then his head dropped to the curve of flesh where her neck and shoulder met and bit down hard.

It was painful. Somewhere in the back of her mind that registered, but her rioting senses didn’t care. She felt like every pleasure point in her body had just been set alight. And she burned.

“Maybe we should just skip the party,” she suggested breathlessly, already picturing the sight they would make as he pounded into her against a wall in his apartment – still wearing the leather coat.

He chuckled evilly. “Oh no,” he drawled huskily. “Tonight I’m going to seduce the slayer, and I want to make the most of it.”

Quirking an eye at him, Buffy pulled him out of the alleyway. “We’ll just see who ends up seducing whom,” she said cheekily. Their hands entwined as, together, they disappeared into the darkness of the club.


THE END



A/N: Thank you again for reading Even in the Real World. I wanted to let you all know that I'll be taking a break from writing Spuffy for a while. My dream is to one day be an actual published writer and, unfortunately, that won't happen if I stick to the safe, comforting world of Spuffy. So, I'm off to write an original book. Actually the heroine is none other than my very own Rachel. I hope that you'll all be able to read it some day. I'll still be hanging around to read though and I've still got about half a dozen unfinished Spuffy stories on my computer so I'll be back eventually. Best wishes, flibble.