Chapter 1: E! True Hollywood





New York City… present day…






“Did you cancel my 2 o’clock?” William asked his assistant as he fixed himself a drink at little bar inside his penthouse.

“You mean your appointment to bleach yourself up?” Cordelia asked from her seat on his black leather couch in the living room.

William sent her a tiny glare from across the room while she continued to jot down notes on her notepad.

“I don’t know why you want to cancel it…I’m starting to see your roots.” Cordelia blatantly said while scribble her last few thoughts.

“My hair is just fine. I’ll get it done later. Besides I got to get a workout in sometime tomorrow.” William shrugged and sat down in a seat across from Cordelia.

“Oh ya cause you the one who is seriously getting fat.” She sarcastically said and uncrossed her arms and pointed to her small bump on her stomach.

“You’re not fat, pet; just pregnant.” He waved his hand at her.

”Same thing. I gain ten pounds by the hour.” She mumbled to herself.

“I thought these mood swings were only for the husband? Why you getting all cranky on me for?”

“Devon isn’t here at the moment now is he?” she argued back.

William shook his head with a tiny smile and switched on his television.

“Oh! Put on channel 9…Desperate Housewives is on in five.” Cordelia said quickly.

“You can watch that in your own house pet…not in mine.” William said as he continued to flip through the channels.

”Oh come on!” Cordelia whined, “It’s not as bad as…oh, I don’t know…Passions!” she exclaimed.

William narrowed his eyes at her and asked, “Who told you?”

“Willow.” Cordelia said with a confident smile.

“God, I would kill her if she wasn’t so girl-scouty like.” William said as he stopped flipping the channels and stopped on E!

Cordelia rolled her eyes when she saw what channel he chose. “Oh sure you’ll watch E! but I can’t get a little lawn boy shacking up with the soccer mom action.” Cordelia complained as she started to put her things away.

”I’m an actor, its perfectly fine to be watchin’ this channel.” William said in his defense as he didn’t let eyes leave his sixty inch flat screen.

“You keep telling yourself that buddy.” Cordelia said as she checked her watch and got up, “Well Devon’s going to meet me downstairs so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

When Cordelia didn’t get an answer she looked at William who looked hypnotized to the television.

“Spike?” she asked calling him back his nickname that only his personal friends used.

When she noticed his eyes didn’t even blink off the screen she turned around and saw a petite blonde lighting up on the screen being interviewed.

“Isn’t that…?” Cordelia started as she looked at the familiar face.

”Buffy…” William muttered as if he was in a daydream.

Cordelia reached over to the remote control and turned the volume up on the television. She noticed that William was so zoned out that he was practically unmovable.

“….So what are you doing now?” the interviewer on the television asked Buffy.

Buffy smiled a hundred watt smile, one that made William’s heart ache. “Well I just finished filming the new movie ‘Restless’ with George Clooney and right now I’m just hanging around…relaxing.”

“How about the future? What projects do you think you may consider?”

“Well…there is talk of doing a little something with Bill Murray…but it’s right now an idea.” Buffy explained.

”I see. There also has been some talk of you and your husband Angel O’Connor moving out of L.A to somewhere else.”

Cordelia glanced from the screen to William at the mention of Angel O’Connor and saw him take a deep breath and hold it. She glanced down and saw his fingers tighten around his glass of scotch.

“We have been looking around for a new house but we think we’re just going to say in L.A. It suits us.” Buffy smiled

“And how is Angel’s project going? He’s in Greece right now filming ‘Marc Anthony’ if I’m not mistaken?”

“Yes he’s overseas filming. He’s been gone for about two months now but I did spend a week with him last month watching him shoot and go site seeing with him.” Buffy reviled.

“Your two year anniversary is coming up too.” The interviewer quipped in and moved the microphone back to Buffy.

Cordelia turned her head around when she noticed William getting up off his seat and walking into his kitchen. She stared off at him for a few moments but turned back around to watch the rest of interview.

”Uh yes. Coming up on January 11th, hopefully we’ll be crossing paths that day, since we’ve been both so busy.”

“Well I hope so too. Thanks for talking with us Buffy.”

”No prob.” She gave a tiny smile and walked off.

The interviewer turned to the camera and continued to give her report, “Well there you have it. The latest update on what’s going on with Hollywood Sweetie Buffy Summers and her life with her husband Angel. Up next we’ll talk with Britney Spears about her divorce with her husband.”

Cordelia grabbed the remote control and turned the television off. She slowly got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen where William has yet to come out from. When she peeked inside she found him leaned against the counter with his arms crossed deep in thought.

“Are you okay?” Cordelia asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” William muttered without taking his eyes off his refrigerator door.

”Because you seem upset…seeing her…” Cordelia took a few steps in the kitchen.

“Not upset…” he argued in a low monotone voice.

“Spike—“

”Cordelia drop it.” He finally turned to face her. “That girl is not part of my life anymore so I don’t really care. She was just an associate back in my L.A days and we both went our separate ways when our show ended. End of story.”

Cordelia bit her lip, holding back all the remarks that she wanted to say to him. She wanted to say something to shake his stubborn brain that has been in denial so long. Cordelia wasn’t oblivious to the world around her. Before she became William’s assistant she saw the magazine covers and tabloids about William and Buffy maybe having a romantic relationship while filming their hit television show. And once she started working with him she got a little bit more information from others, primary Willow, about William loving Buffy for real.

*~*~*~*~*~



L.A…midnight…




Buffy let out a big yawn as she entered her house. She was dressed all fancy in a dark blue dress and her hair was let down, having her long blonde curls rest on her shoulder. She was purely exhausted, she even had taken off her high heal shoes in the limo and walked into her home in her bare feet.

She dropped her house keys on the counter and went over to check her messages and found two. She let out a long sigh as she pressed play.

”Hey Buffy it’s me Willow…just wanted to see how you were.” Buffy smiled on hearing her old friend, “I’ll be coming to L.A on Tuesday and wanted to know what you were up to and see if you wanted to have lunch or something. So just give me a call here in New York whenever you have the time. Bye.”

”Hey Buffy…I tried calling you the other day…I wish you would just talk to me.” The sound of Angel made Buffy frown, hearing his voice just reminded her of all the problems that still resting in her lap. “You and I both know avoiding our problems is not the best answer so…just…call me.”

Buffy just felt like crying, her life was so stressful that at moments like these all she wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep forever. She was tired of her martial problems and the lying to her family, friends, and press about everything being ‘just fine’ and ‘perfect fairytale life’ that she was having.

So instead of spilling her feelings to her love ones she grabbed a glass and a bottle of vodka and spilled all her worries into her glass.

Chapter 2: Cocktails Anyone?



L.A…




Willow stood by the sliding glass door at Buffy’s house observing the petite blonde sunbath by the pool all alone on her back patio. Buffy had her big thick glasses mounted on her face and her earphones plugged into her ears as she looked like she was trying to lose herself in the music. She was taking the opportunity of relaxing in California’s weird warm weather in the middle of November.

“Lisa, how long has she been out there?” Willow asked, tilting her head to the side and continuing to watch her friend from behind the glass.

“Practically since Saturday.” Lisa, one of Buffy’s employees said from her place at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. She’s got a thick French accent, long black hair, and glasses. She seemed to be sporting an intelligent sort of look but her attitude seemed a bit snoody and stuck up.

Willow wiped her head around to look at Lisa. “Four days?”

Lisa shrugged and muttered something in French to herself. But then she spoke English once again, “For the last few days she’s been moopy around the house and pool with a bottle of vodka in one hand….”

Willow slowly turned back to Buffy, “That’s not like Buffy…” Willow whispered to herself and started to venture outside quietly.

Buffy didn’t take notice to the red head until she felt someone blocking her view of the sun. She lifted her sunglasses off her head and sat them on top of her head. Her eyes were a little hazy; she had to squint to make out the face.

“Willow?” Buffy sat up from her chaise lounge in surprise.

“Has it been that long that you’ve forgotten what I looked like?” Willow frowned.

Buffy giggled and jumped up and hugged her old friend. Willow took instant notice at how thin and fragile Buffy was by seeing her in a bathing suit and hugging her small frame.

“It’s so good to see you.” Buffy whispered and pulled away from the hug.

”You too…” Willow smiled and watched as Buffy grabbed an oversized shirt and threw it over her head. Willow bit her lip, holding back all the things she wanted to ask about the alcohol.

“So when did you get into L.A? Was the flight okay?” Buffy smiled, acting all friendly and much like a teenage girl seeking gossip.

“I…I got in this morning…just jumped into a taxi and well, here I am.” Willow smiled and pushed few pieces of hair out of her eyes and looked around nervously.

”Well do you want something to eat? Drink?” Buffy offered.

Willow knew it was terrible to think but she instantly thought, ‘If it’s a bottle of gin Buffy then no.’ “Umm I’m good.”

”Well then…” Buffy moved over to the patio table and took a seat. “Tell me what’s up? How’s New York?”

“Good…good…everything is alright. Oz is going to be touring in Austria, France, and Belgium this summer. He’s convinced me to go with him.” Willow started to talk about what’s new in her life. Talking about her long term boyfriend, Oz, who Buffy already knew since the time when Willow and Oz were living in California a few years ago.

“Oh that’s good.” Buffy smiled and ran a finger around the glass rim of her ice tea.

“And I’ve talked with Spike…”Willow causally chimed in, instantly wondering what reaction she would get from the blonde.

Buffy didn’t look up from her glass as she asked, “How is he?”

”Good…he got a movie deal. He’ll be starring along side an upcoming actress…Winifred Burkle or something…” Willow shrugged and looked around the backyard and at the pool.

With Willow’s back turned to look around the yard, Buffy took the opportunity to take a long big gulp out of her glass.

When the red head turned back around she lifted an eyebrow at the almost empty glass in front of Buffy. She bit her tongue once again and changed the subject. “So….how’s Angel?”

”He’s fine…shooting a movie in Europe.” Buffy couldn’t resist rolling her eyes at the mention of her husband.

“Buffy is something wrong? Are you okay?” Willow asked with a worried look.

”Sure…are you sure you don’t want a drink?” Buffy asked as she practically slurped the rest of her drink down.

”Ummm…I’m fine…but Buffy—“

”I’m going to get more ice tea.” Buffy jumped to her feet and walked back towards the house in a hurry.

Willow just stared with an open mouth as she watched her friend walk away in a rush. She reached across the table and picked up the empty glass of ice tea and took a small smell and a little taste from the little drops left in the glass. Willow detected a taste of ice tea and a shot of vodka. The red head glanced down at her watch; even though jet-leg was throwing her off a little bit she remembered to set her watch to Pacific Time. The clock read ten in the morning. ‘Little early to be spiking your ice tea don’t you think?’ Willow thought to herself with a frown.




*~*~*~*~*~*



Willow phoned home after spending the early afternoon with Buffy. The whole time she watched as Buffy poured glass after glass of “ice tea” until she told her she was “tired” and would give her a call later.

“Hey honey.” Willow spoke on the phone with Oz.

“Hey babe. You see Buffy?” Oz asked with a smile as he fiddled with his guitar on his lap. He knew how excited his girl was to see her old friend and that Willow would instantly go directly to see Buffy when she arrived in L.A

”Ya…about that…umm we have a major problem.” Willow informed Oz.

”Problem? Something wrong?” Oz asked quietly with worry.

“I’ve spent the last three hours with someone who looks like Buffy…talks like Buffy…well kind of when she’s not plastered, but this girl isn’t Buffy Oz.”

”She was drunk? In the middle of the day?” Oz raised an eyebrow at hearing that America’s favorite actress liked her cocktail for breakfast.

“I don’t know what to think. Lisa, one of Buffy’s assistants talked about how this has been happening for a while. I’m worried Oz. She never was like this…ever.” Willow sighed.

”Why do think the sudden change?” Oz asked as he tried to get as much information on the situation so he could help.

”I’m thinking Angel…she didn’t seem so thrilled when I asked about him. Maybe they’re fighting or something.” Willow shrugged and collapsed onto her hotel bed with the phone still in hand. “But I don’t get why she didn’t call me about this…I would have helped and listened….I’m a good listener.” She pouted.

”I know.” Oz whispered with a smile.

Willow paused, “I…I just wished she turned to someone for help instead of relying on the bottle.”

”Think it’s serious enough for an intervention and rehab?”

Willow sat up at the instantly when the word “rehab” were referenced to Buffy. “Woah…lets slow down. This is Buffy we’re talking about. She doesn’t deserve to be put through that.”

”Honey, if she’s got a problem she needs professional help.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions…” Willow stuttered and started to get up and pace the hotel room. The thought of sweet innocent Buffy being an alcoholic was unthinkable to her, “I see her get drunk one day and we are already are thinking about locking her up.”

”Spike had a problem if you recall.” Oz quipped in as a helpful fact.

”Ya and he got it fixed without professional help.” Willow quickly in defense and ran her hands though her long hair.

”He didn’t go to rehab, no…but he did get help. You think Dr. Harbor was just an imaginary friend he went to every Thursday?” Oz joked.

Willow rolled her eyes, “No…I’m not in denial and—hey did you just make a joke?” Willow changed the subject for a minute when she realized her one note boyfriend said a joke.

Oz shrugged, “It happens.”

Willow shook her head and got back to the topic of Buffy, “Yes, I know Spike went to see a psychiatrist but he was in really bad shape…”

”How do you know Buffy isn’t?”

Willow wanted to cry at that statement. She really didn’t know if Buffy had gone completely off the deep end since she hadn’t been around to observe closely. Sure, she had brief phone calls with the blonde and saw her at big television award shows but that didn’t really count. That just made Willow just like the rest of America, watching what the photographers and cameramen showed her. Willow never got to see the behind the scenes glance into what the life of Buffy Summers O’Connor was really like since their television series ended.

“What about Spike?” an idea popped into Willow’s head.

“What about Spike?”

”Maybe he can help?” Willow took a long shot at bringing up the topic of Buffy and Spike together again. She and Oz knew the history of Buffy and Spike like they knew their own relationship.

”I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Oz shook his head with the phone still on his ear. He didn’t like where his girlfriend’s mind was drifting.

”Why not?” Willow shouted in frustration and desperation.

”I can give you a million reasons why this will not work.”

”Give me one!” She challenged.

”Umm…Spike may still have feelings for Buffy and it will screw with his mind if he sees her…two, Buffy’s married to Angel and shouldn’t be hanging out and sharing her feelings with Spike instead of Angel, three…reporters will jump on both Spike and Buffy if they’re spotted together.”

”I said one reason…besides you made your point.” Willow interrupted before Oz could go on and list more reasons why Spike helping Buffy was a bad idea. The red head collapsed back on to the bed and hugged her flat pillow in her arms.

”I still say they would have made a better couple than Angel and her.” Willow grumbled into the phone.

She was saddened still after all these years that Spike and Buffy never took a chance.

”I know, I know.” Oz sighed, “But you got to let it go…Spike moved on…well, I’m not sure if that’s true but he’s still living with what happened and Buffy’s married.”

”Someone should drag me out in the street and shoot me…” Willow whined.

“What for?” Oz laughed at her puppy dog impression over the phone.

”Because I was the writer of the old show that wrote Angel’s stupid character into the show.” She said in disgust.

“You can’t beat fate.” Oz told her, knowing Willow couldn’t really blame herself—fate was fate.

”No you can’t…” Willow whispered, “But you can still beat me up.”



*~*~*~*~*~*



New York….late at night….


The apartment was quiet when William walked in. He threw his coat over the couch as he traveled into the living room. Outside his big picture window the bright lights of the exciting world of New York called out for him. But he decided a long time ago that night clubs and bars didn’t make him happy.

He walked over to his DVD collection beside his big screen TV and pulled out the box set of the hit television show of ‘Blinding Lights’. On the cover there were many images of the cast members but the ones that jumped out instantly was the big close up shots of Buffy and himself.

Spike stood and stared at the photos on the box and brushed over the image of Buffy with his fingers. He opened the box set and took out a disk and popped it into his DVD player. He grabbed the remote and sat himself in the middle of his couch. As he selected an episode the opening credits started to roll and he watched the episode begin. It had been a long time since he sat down and watched an episode of the show he was in. In the past whenever his friends were over they thought it was funny to watch an episode or two and make funny of him. The DVD set was actually bought by a friend for the main reason to make fun of him. But this time he watched for a different reason. This evening he was watching as part of his own version of therapy.

The other day when Cordelia saw him react the way he did at seeing Buffy made William realize that he couldn’t go around acting like this again. He had to control himself whenever he saw her and mentioned Angel’s name and he needed therapy to do it. Even though people would think it was twisted to get over a girl by watching her ever night on the television screen, William thought it was working. Every time he saw Buffy’s character named ‘Claire’ come on screen and say her lines it broke William’s heart that he couldn’t have her. It reminded him that she was married and three thousand miles away and that was the way it had to be.




TBC....sorry about NEVER updating this story..just decided to hold up on my homework cause i had the urge to write.

Chapter 3: A Star Burned Out




“Hey Buffy” a cheery secretary voice of Harmony screeched at the entrance of the star with the headache

Buffy let out a loud groan inside her head. With her little hangover, a perky blonde at 8am was the last thing she needed. Buffy’s eyes were covered by her big thick sunglasses, hiding her tired eyes from the world. She gave Harmony a little fake smile and then entered her agent’s office.

Instantly Buffy said when she shut the door behind her, “Lilah you need a new girl out there. Honestly you can do better.” Buffy muttered as she crossed the office and stood before her agent.

Lilah glanced up at what America considered ‘The Sweetheart of Hollywood’ and only saw a grumpy girl. “God what crawled up her ass and died? Paris Hilton?” Lilah laughed and leaned back in her comfy chair, taking in the full appearance of the hung-over TV star.

“And what’s with the sunglasses indoors?” Lilah pointed up at Buffy face.

Buffy lifted her sunglasses and placed them on top of her blonde head. Lilah instantly frowned when she saw her tired eyes.

”Actually you look better with them over your eyes…what happened to you? Go out partying?” Lilah guessed.

”You mean the party for two at my house, me and my bottle of vodka.” Buffy said as she dropped in a chair near Lilah’s desk and held her queasy stomach.

Lilah raised an eyebrow at her comment, “I take it Angel called or something Angel related happened.”

“Left a message on the answering machine a few days ago.” Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes.

”And?”

“And what? He left a message that ignored…like always.” Buffy shrugged, “I’ve had enough of his apologizing over the phone. If I was so important to him he would have returned.”

”It’s not that simple for him.” Lilah tried to reason with her and get Angel’s point across to Buffy. She didn’t want Buffy to completely shut out the tall hair gelled husband just yet; it would affect Buffy’s career and also her own.

“Seems like the complete opposite. He gets to parade around in Greece while I’m left with the reporters analyzing everything I say or do.” Buffy argued and let out a huff, “I need a cigarette.” She muttered.

”You smoke now?” Lilah asked in shock, this wasn’t certainly the Buffy she knew at all.

”No yet…been thinking of doing it. Need something for my nerves don’t I?” Buffy argued.

“And the drinking isn’t enough?” Lilah laughed.

”I don’t drink that much. It’s been a long…few days.” Buffy defended herself, not wanting Lilah to get the wrong impression, letting everyone think she was going off to the deep end.

“And how many long days have you had…this week?” Lilah questioned.

Buffy gave a little glare to Lilah and refused to answer that. ‘It’s none of her business’ she thought to herself.

“I think you need a major vacation dear.” Lilah compromised, “Away from L.A…away from reporters and newspapers…away from the house.”

“I don’t know…I already went to Greece to see Angel…and that blew up in my face major.” Buffy was hesitant, she hated traveling. She considered a vacation a week in bed with a stack of her favorite movies and a bowl of popcorn with the phone off the hook.

“Okay…so without Angel too…so what do you say?” Lilah asked, “It will be good for you…it will cleanse all the negative energy that you have now.”

”What do you suggest? Hawaii?”

”How about New York…nice this time of year… you can see your old pal Willow and—“

”No.” Buffy quickly cut her off before she could utter another word, or more specifically, another name.

”Why not?” Lilah frowned. She thought it would be something that Buffy was dying at a chance to see her old friends and reconnect with her past.

“I hate New York in the winter…too cold. Plus this heat wave in California got me into a bathing suit yesterday.” Buffy lamely said.

”Well put the bathing suit away cause’ I’m buying you a parka.” Lilah leaned forward on her desk, willing to argue Buffy to the ground. She knew Buffy would cave in if she pushed her enough.

“Besides Willow is already here…she came to my house yesterday…so it’s a waste.” Buffy said hoping Lilah would drop the issue of New York. However, Lilah took that bit of info and turned it against her.

”Perfect. Willow can accompany you when she goes back to New York.” Lilah smiled.

”I said no.” Buffy fought.

Lilah blinked and continued to wear her resolved face.

’I’m not going to win this am I?’ Buffy thought to herself.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*


After Willow received a knock on the door from her hotel room she was surprised to see the petite blonde on the opposite side with a guilty look.

“Buffy…what are you—“

”I’m sorry.” Buffy whispered honestly.

Willow sighed and stepped aside, letting Buffy come out of the hallway and into the hotel room. Once both the girls were inside behind closed doors Buffy apologized again.

”I’m really really really sorry Willow.” Buffy plead.

”It’s okay…I’m just worried.” Willow crossed her arms across her chest and presented herself in a nervous stance.

“Look…I’ve changed a lot over the past few…well; over the last year and me drinking I know is a problem.”

”Do you? Because if you did you would have sought out help from Angel…me….anyone Buffy.” Willow bit her lip, hoping that Buffy wouldn’t get mad and run out on her.

“Angel and I are…” Buffy thought of the right phrasing and came out with a vague excuse, “…we have our problems…I guess that’s what has made me turn toward the alcohol a little hard lately.”

”You could have called me…told me. I would have liked to know…I want to help.” Willow stepped a little closer to Buffy, feeling as if she needed to hug her friend.

”I know but I thought this was something I could do by myself…work out by myself…I guess I was dead wrong huh?” Buffy let out a weak laugh.

Willow paused in hesitation and then asked, “Are you ready to ask for help now?”

Buffy closed her eyes, not being able to look her friend in the eye at the moment. “Yes…” she whispered and then opened her eyes and said bravely, “I need help.”


*~*~*~*~*~*~


The two friends sat in a small café in Hollywood enjoying a cup of coffee together. Despite Buffy having to wear a baseball cap and her big sunglasses so she wouldn’t get recognized by anyone, the two of them were glad to be out and reconnecting with one another

”Xander moved away from New York just few months ago when he met Anya.” Willow said as she sipped her coffee.

”What’s she like?” Buffy asked.

Willow opened her mouth and wanted to say ‘completely oblivious to everyone when she talks about sex’ but instead settled for, “She’s okay…seems to really like him.”

“That’s good…he deserves someone nice…” Buffy gave a small smile and looked down into her coffee cup.

“We are kind of beating around the bush aren’t we?” Willow asked, causing Buffy to glance up.

”Pretty much…” Buffy nodded, “If you want to know Will don’t hesitate to ask.”

”I just don’t want to pry.”

”Not prying when I asked for help…I guess talking about it with someone is the best thing I could do.” Buffy admitted as she stared off into space.

”Umm…how much is this depression and drinking…and well whatever related to your marriage?” Willow asked, ‘If she says all of it I’m going to hate myself forever for writing Angel into the show’ she thought to herself.

Buffy shrugged, “About half…the other half deals with my own little…thing I’m going through. I guess the pressing hounding me and reporters following me around when I go to the store are starting to get to me….more than usually.”

Willow frowned, she remembered those days when she went to movies or to a restaurant for dinner with Buffy and William and how it was like a secret expedition to get away from flashing cameras every which way.

“Well…” Willow started, “Let’s start with Angel…what’s wrong? I thought you loved him?”

”I do…I think…I-I don’t know anymore.” Buffy mumbled and ran her hand across her face in distress. “Times like these when he’s not around gets me thinking if I made the right choice.”

”Choice?” Willow straightened up in her seat a little. ‘There was a choice?’ She instantly thought there was a choice a long time ago that Buffy made between Spike and Angel and Buffy chose Angel over Spike.

“Yeah…to marry him. You know.” Buffy shrugged.

Willow slouched down hers seat in disappointment when Buffy didn’t even think to mention Spike. ‘Oh that choice?’ she thought to herself and then paused and wondered if Buffy ever still thought about Spike and if she did then why not have gone for him when she had the chance.

“There is also the baby issue.” Buffy brought up new information.

”Baby?” Willow’s thoughts of Spike switched off and suddenly were perked up on the ‘baby issue’.

“Yes…I want one…Angel doesn’t. Or he does and he just isn’t really ready yet.” Buffy quietly said.

Willow frowned and then thought back to the afternoon a few months ago with Spike playing with Oz’s nephews who were about five and eight. She knew that Spike wanted his own family and loved children. ‘God comparing Angel and Spike was like comparing day and night.’ She thought.

”I think we just rushed into getting married too soon.” Buffy admitted with a nod. “And now I have to pay for the consequences.”

”I’m sorry Buffy.” Willow sympathized with her friend.

Buffy looked back into her coffee again, “Not your fault…”

”So what do you think will happen once Angel returns?” Willow threw in the big question that could tell her where Buffy really stood with her husband.

“I’m not sure….I’ll pay you to tell me what to do.” Buffy joked and looked up at the red head with a smile.

The red head smiled. ‘Oh Buffy, I would tell you what to do in a minute….but you aren’t a TV character that I can write about….you’re your own person, who has a mind and heart that lives and breathes on its own…’ Willow considered.

Chapter 4: Don’t You Hate Cliffhangers?



L.A…



“I got to admit Buffy you’re a great actress.” Willow shook her head as she sipped the rest of her hot chocolate.

Buffy scrunched up her face in confusion. “Huh?”

“Well…what I mean is you’ve really kept your personal problems hidden from reporters well. I’m impressed.” Willow admitted; she knew how hard it was for big time actors to keep their personal life to themselves. William had the same skill for keeping a low key around reporters when things got bad. When he started going through his problem with drinking he pulled all the right strings to make sure it never got out to the public.

“Impressed?” Buffy laughed and looked around at all the normal customers enjoy there meals with friends and family without a care in the world, without the fear of someone coming up to ask for a picture of yourself. “I don’t think I’ll get an Emmy for my performance in living my life…”

Willow eyed all the people around the restaurant that Buffy seemed to be focused on, “Do you want to leave?” Willow asked, understanding that Buffy didn’t want get noticed.

“No…” Buffy whispered and shook her head. “I’m sick of living behind close doors...if they see me…then they do…”

”Did you ever of think of changing your image?” Willow suggested.

”You mean cut my hair? Dye it brown? Gain ten pounds?” Buffy joked, “That may be fun…” ‘And I’m not joking about that…’ she thought to herself.

“Nothing too drastic…Spike he—“ Willow stopped in mid-sentence when she forgot not the mention that name too much around Buffy.

“What?” Buffy shrugged innocently,” Spike what?”

”Well…” ‘There is no harm if she asked…’ Willow reasoned, “…after the show ended he shaved his head and let his brown hair come back so he wouldn’t be bothered. He knew that the bleached blonde locks of hair were a dead give away for him. Spike kept a low profile for a while and it worked. Only recently he started to bleach himself up again.”

Buffy laughed, “God he loves that hair like that…” The smile that formed on her face continued to stay as she thought about Spike and his hair.

Willow grinned ear from ear to ear when she saw the dreamy daze on her friends face.

“Ya…I don’t get why he likes bleaching it.” Willow muttered.

”It’s just the way he is…such a rebel.” Buffy took a sip from her cup with a giggle.

“Yeah he never changes…” Willow sighed.

“That’s good…he’s fine the way he is…he’s…” Buffy drifted off.

The walls she forced herself up to block the memory of being with William for the last time tumbled down. His crystal blues started to become clearer to her and his laugh echoed in her head. Buffy felt a sudden warmer surround her when she remembered the feeling of just being near him.



*~*~*~*~*~*~


L.A …four years ago…

Buffy twirled a long piece of her hair around her finger as she studied the script in her dressing room. She was wearing a bath robe and her hair was up in a ponytail as she spun her chair around in place.

“Oh Summers please don’t tell me you still haven’t memorized your lines yet.” The thick cocky British accent mumbled from the opened dressing room door that led into the hallway and set.

Buffy smiled and stopped spinning her chair to face him, “Oh shut up…”

“Well aren’t you a basket of sunshine this morning.” He laughed and watched her continue to gently spin her chair in place while she mumbled lines to herself.

Then all of a sudden William grabbed the back of her chair and spun it around faster and faster until she started to scream at him for his teasing. “Spike! Stop it!! I’m getting dizzy.”

He smiled and stopped the chair from moving and lowered his head down see her green dizzy eyes stare back at him.

“How many fingers am I holding?” he placed three fingers in front of her.

”Nineteen.” She giggled and shook her head, trying to get over the dizziness.
Spike continued to smile lovingly at her and sat down in an empty makeup chair next to her.

“So what are you up to after today’s productive day of filming?” Spike crossed his muscular arms across his chest and when he noticed Buffy wasn’t looking he let his eyes wonder down to her exposed tan legs that she couldn’t hide under her robe.

Buffy shrugged, oblivious to Spike checking her out while she went over her lines. “Go home…do laundry…go over lines…the usual.”

Buffy glanced back at Spike, “And you?”

”About the same as you are doing…” Spike shrugged. Buffy nodded and went back to reading. Spike bit his lip, wondering if this was a good opportunity to ask her out. It had been a few months since he started feeling more than friendship toward Buffy and he was completely freaked out about it. He knew the petite blonde for so long as a friend, six years and counting, that it was hard seeing her as anything else.

“Hey Buffy…Spike…” Willow poked her head inside the dressing room and was greeted with the two stars of the show. She raised an eyebrow at Spike’s appearance with Buffy. ‘Doesn’t he like hanging out with Xander and the stage crew when they’re not filming?’ she noted to herself.

“Hey Will…what’s up?” Buffy smiled and placed her script on her dresser and grabbed her coffee to take a sip.

”I got some crazy news…very…interesting.” Willow smiled at both Spike and Buffy.

”Crazy for the show or crazy in reality?” Spike asked.

“Uh…crazy unreality type thing.” Willow then didn’t seem so excited anymore. She knew she was too obsessed with the show and cared what happened to the fake characters she wrote about way too much.

Buffy and Spike smiled, they knew all about Willow’s little problem with care about fake things too much.

“What is it?” Buffy asked.

“Well you know how Claire and Daniel are crazy about each other?” Willow started.

Spike and Buffy stared at the red head as if she had a lizard attached to her head. For the last six years ALL there series focused around was their characters, Claire and Daniel being crazy in love with each other.

“Right…forget I asked the stupidest question in the world…okay, so…” Willow continued. “Looks like you can kiss the season finale we had planned goodbye…we’ll be throwing in a big cliffhanger.”

Spike rolled his eyes, “What was wrong with the one we had?” ‘There is nothing wrong with me kissing Buffy or ‘Claire’ and telling her I finally love her…or Daniel telling Claire he loves her.’ He thought to himself.

“Well Daniel was going to see Claire and tell her he loves her right? Well the writers sparked up a little old love flame that has never been seen before for Claire.” Willow revealed.

She instantly saw Buffy’s face seem interested in the new twist while Spike frowned and seemed quit disappointed.

“So we are getting a new character?” Buffy raised an eyebrow.

”Ya…” Willow said but still eyed Spike in curiosity of why he was so upset.

“Anyone famous? Newbie?” Buffy continued to question without notice Spike’s sad look.

’She’s actually excited about this…’ Spike thought to himself and got up out of his seat quietly and exited the dressing room.

Willow turned and watched him go. “What’s with him?” Willow turned back the blonde in the chair.

Buffy shrugged, “Beats me…”

Willow shrugged the subject of bad moody Spike off and went back to talking about the new character. “Well they already hired a guy named Angel O’Connor to play Claire’s love interest...”

”Angel O’Connor?” Buffy raised an eyebrow.

”Ya…he did a few commercials and appeared in a few episodes of ER and Law and Order.” Willow informed.

“Ya I know…I met him once…he seems nice.” Buffy smiled.

”Nice enough to kiss?” Willow gave an uncertain smile.

“It’s my job…” Buffy shrugged.

*~*~*~*


The two girls switched from talking about the good old days and Spike and focused back on the present day situation.

”I talked with my agent, Lilah, this morning. She practically told me to leave California and all my work behind and go on vacation.” Buffy explained.

“Vacation? Lilah told you that?” Willow seemed surprised. She remembered Buffy’s agent very well—tall, brown hair, and very demanding of being productive.

“Ya…thought it was a good idea for me to go to New York.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

’Reallllly….’ Willow thought and had to hold back the grin she wanted to plaster on her face. “Huh…interesting…” Willow said with a nod.

“I don’t think it would work out…” Buffy shook her head, “I got too much to do here.” ‘Okay that’s a lie…’ Buffy instantly thought to herself.

“Well I don’t think it’s a bad idea. You should come. Enjoy the bright lights of New York…see Oz….go sight seeing…see a play…” Willow suggested, ‘And maybe a certain hopelessly in love Spike?’ she thought. “You need a change of pace…maybe it will help with your…you know…drinking.” Willow whispered the last part.

“I don’t know Willow…what do I tell Angel?”

”I thought you didn’t care what he thought?” Willow smiled, ‘I know it’s low to tell your friend to forget what her husband thought and interfere but I…I don’t care.’

“Well if you’re sure you don’t mind having me?” Buffy bit her lip.

”I practically insist!” Willow grabbed both of Buffy’s hands and seemed be begging the blonde.

Buffy shook her head with a tiny smile and shrugged, “Okay…”




TBC....know its a small chapter but hey, its better than nothing.

Chapter 5:White Lies


Buffy stood in front of the full length mirror in her wedding dress. Her blonde hair was pulled back half way while the rest hung at her shoulders in small curls. ‘This is it…’ she thought to herself as she smoothed down the gown with shaky hands. Buffy’s mind was surprisingly not on the hundreds of reporters and photographers surrounding the perimeter of the church, thinking they could get a glance at the bride and groom. No, her mind was on the one bleached blonde man who was thousands of miles away from being anywhere near her.

A little knock on the door was heard and then Buffy’s seventeen year old sister Dawn entered in her maid of honor light blue dress.

”You ready?” Dawn asked wearily. The young girl had noticed that Buffy had been a bit distracted and not the typical crazy bride to be stereotype that you always heard about.

Buffy slightly nodded and kept on staring at herself in the mirror.

”Did you send him an invitation?” Dawn asked out the blue.

Buffy wiped around to look at her sister; almost sending her veil tangled around her neck.

”Huh?” Buffy whimpered.

“William…I know you guys were close and all…” Dawn muttered as she started to fumble with her bouquet of flowers in her hand.

‘You don’t know the half of it…’ Buffy thought to herself.

“It doesn’t matter Dawn…” she sighed and fixed her veil on her head as she turned to look at her sisters judging eyes. “Tell them I’m ready.”

Buffy didn’t know her sister was gone until she heard the door shut lightly behind her; however not without also hearing the muffle of the wedding guests scurrying around out in the hall leading into the church.

The bride to be glanced around the room and her eyes fell on her vanity table. When Buffy walked over to where all her makeup and wedding hair emergency kit were laid out she spotted an old crinkly envelope that was clearly labeled ‘William Giles’ on it.

She picked it up and then without a thought threw it in the trash can.

*~*~*~*~

Buffy jolted in her seat, waking herself up from her dream she was having. Willow sat next to her on the plane reading a magazine when she saw her suddenly wake up from her peaceful slumber.

“You okay?” Willow asked with worry as she saw Buffy breathing a little heavily.

”Fine…” she muttered and glanced out her airplane window to see clouds for miles around her and the earth thousands of feet below, “Are we almost there?”

“About another hour till we land.” Willow informed her and went back to reading her magazine.

Buffy let out a long breath.

*~*~*~*~*~

Willow fumbled with her keys as she and Buffy stood outside her apartment door. The red head had noticed Buffy’s sudden nervousness as soon as the landed in New York. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was afraid of being spotted by photographers or something else? It seemed that every few minutes Buffy was looking over her shoulder, expecting someone to mystical appear behind her.

“You alright?” Willow felt like she had been asking the question every few seconds.

“Yep. You need help with those keys?” Buffy asked impatiently.

Willow looked back down at her dozens of keys on her key ring and finally got the right one. “No…I got it.”

Both girls walked into the homely apartment and rolled there luggage in behind them.

“Oz?!” Willow called out.

”I’m here!” Oz shouted back and appeared from the kitchen.

“Look who I brought.” Willow weakly smiled.

Oz was flabbergasted at seeing the petite blonde standing in his and Willow’s apartment instead of being three thousands miles back on the other side of the country. He had to admit that this was much more different than watching Buffy pop up the screen when he was watching television.

“Buffy…” Oz stuttered and left his mouth hung open.

“Surprise…” Buffy shrugged and gave an uncertain smile.

“Big surprise…” Oz nodded and placed his hands on his hips, trying to figure out what was going on. He glanced back to Willow and immediately figured out what was up when he saw the guilty look that his girlfriend was giving him.

“I know this is unplanned but…” Willow shrugged and turned to the blonde quickly, avoiding any questions and excusing looks from Oz. “I’ll show you the guest room…”

Before Buffy followed Willow into the next room she caught a sight of Oz’s upset face and started to feel a little bit guilty for having to be the one to have put it there.

“Willow you didn’t tell him I was coming.” Buffy said immediately as soon as she and Willow were behind closed doors.

The red head collapsed down on the guest bed and cringed, “So you’ve noticed huh?”

Buffy let out a laugh, “Well ya! Did you see his face?”

“I’m sorry…I just—“

”Does he not…” Buffy interrupted but paused when she wondered if she should as the question.

”What?” Willow tilted her head when Buffy didn’t utter another word for several seconds.

”Does he…not…like me anymore?” Buffy bit her lip.

”What?!” Willow laughed, “Buffy no…no no no….no…this isn’t about you, even thought that is hard to believe it has nothing to do with you. He’s mad at me. Trust me; it hasn’t been the first time. I’ll just...” Willow pointed out the door, “You know…talk to him.”

And in a flash the red head was out the bedroom door and down the hall to receive and earful of ‘what do you think your doing?’ and ‘you sneaky little woman’ remarks.

Buffy sighed and unzipped her luggage bag and started to rummage around her clothes until she found what she was looking for. She bit her lip while at looking down at the bottle of Jack Daniels that rested comfortably in her hand. Buffy unscrewed the cap and licked her lips before thinking over what she wanted to do. And before she could let temptation take over she screwed the bottle shut and got down on her hands and knees and placed the bottle under her bed.

A tiny knock on the guest bedroom door made Buffy scramble to her feet again and place a smile on her face.

“Come in.” Buffy said and watched as the door slowly opened and revealed Oz and Willow. “So…what’s up?” Buffy asked as she glanced back and forth between the pair.

“How about some lunch and some catching up?” Oz asked.


*-*-*-*


“So Oz, I hear that you are going on tour soon.” Buffy said as she sipped her drink through her straw before taking another bite out of her salad. Her hair was all tied back in a ponytail and she was wearing a baseball cap on her head. Being thousands of miles from Hollywood didn’t give Buffy the advantage to go around free looking as she pleased. This was New York City, and there were tons of photographers on the loose just waiting for a familiar face to go out in public.

“Ya…we’re leaving in May…should be fun.” Oz said as he drank his cup of coffee.

“I’ve noticed you’ve colored your hair again.” Buffy couldn’t reframe from mentioning. It seemed that every time she saw him he had some different color from the rainbow displayed on his head. This time it was dark green.

“Ya…keeps from being noticed.” Oz shrugged.

“I told Buffy to color her hair...it may help with the fear of getting spotted.” Willow explained to Oz.

“Has it been really that bad?” Oz whispered and gave Buffy a sympathetic look.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders and slouched a little in her seat while looking around at the crowds of people in the restaurant. “Some days are better than others…still can’t go to the beach…and I’ve had to change my phone number a few times.”

Willow shook her head in disgust—no one should have to live like that.

“Well maybe changing your style wouldn’t be so bad then…” Oz suggested.

“Angel likes my hair the way it is though…” Buffy muttered and pushed her salad bowl away. It seems that her appetite had just walked up and left the room and walked when she remembered her husband’s comments about her hair.

‘Don’t change a thing babe.’ He told her and ‘Everyone loves it blonde’.

“It’s your hair though Buffy…I think its ridiculous for you to be forced not change something about yourself and have to worry about what he thinks.” Willow pointed out.

Under the table Oz lifted his foot a little bit and stepped on Willows foot.

“Ow!” she yelped in surprise when he struck her foot.

“What?” Buffy asked in concern about her sudden outburst.

“Nothing…nothing…” Willow shook her head but when Buffy shrugged and looked away from her she shot daggers at Oz and hit him multiple times with her foot at his leg.

“Ow!” he shouted when the last blow that Willow delivered was a little bit too rough to his standing.

“What?” Buffy turned and asked him too what was wrong.

“Nothing…” he smiled and picked up his coffee and took a long sip.

Buffy just gave the couple a strange look at how oddly they both were acting.