1. This Love by SlayersGift
2. Shiver by SlayersGift
3. She Will Be Loved by SlayersGift
Lots of angst, and I’m not sure if I want to continue this, or leave it be. I guess we’ll find out. Should I continue this? Let me know.
Tell me what you think.
Rating: R eh... NC-17 I guess. Pairing: Buffy/Spike
This Love
Saturday
I was so high I did not recognize The fire burning in her eyes The chaos that controlled my mind
“I don’t think you should go. You need to stay here.” Buffy pleaded to Spike. “I can’t take you going out night after night! Stay home once in awhile!”
Spike laughed and shook his head at her, “Oh, because if I don’t stay you’re just going to go run off to another guy in the middle of the night?” Off her look he continued, “Yea, I know about that. I know what you do.”
He pinned her against the wall using the weight of his body, “Tell me you don’t.”
Buffy looked him in the eye, her head raised, not faltering, “I don’t.”
“Lying bitch.” Spike pushed against the wall with his hands and stalked to the closet, grabbing a shirt.
Buffy ran toward him and grabbed the shirt from his hands as he put it over his head, “No, you’re wrong you bastard! I stay home, waiting for you. Night after night. They tell you something else so you’ll stay away, and like a fool you believe them.”
Spike smirked, “Oh, now I’m a fool?” He pushed her on the bed and straddled her. “Tell me Buffy; tell me what he does to you. I want to know.”
Buffy tried to sit up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I think you do know.” He held her arms above her head and leaned down to kiss her. Just before his lips touched hers she turned her head away. Spike’s mouth touched her neck and he frowned, lifting his head up to look at her, “You can’t kiss me?”
“Not when you act like this.”
“Stupid bitch. Don’t know why I put up with you.” He got off of her and grabbed his shirt.
“Because you love me.”
He didn’t say one word to her as he left their apartment.
Sunday
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane Never to return again But always in my heart
“Thank you.” Buffy said as she took her airplane ticket. She sat on a bench waiting for the gate number to be called.
She was fed up. She didn’t know why she put up with him. They had been together almost two years and she had been with him through everything. She gave up her life at home to go wherever he went. They had many indiscretions, but they had gotten through it. His drugs, alcohol and the women. All she had was one night of drunken passion and things were never the same. She wanted to forget everything but in the end it all came crashing back at her. Whenever she went out with her friends he always interrogated her when she returned, asking if she fucked anyone while she was out. He even went as far as to shove his hands down her pants to make sure. Then he’d take her where she was, apologizing in her ear the entire time.
*****
“Bloody fucking hell,” Spike muttered as he walked into the apartment. He knew something was up as he looked around and took in the appearance of the living room. Things looked as if they were thrown, the couch cushions hanging halfway off the sofa. He cursed and slammed open their bedroom door to see her clothes on the bed, obviously been through. He started throwing her clothes around the room, looking for any sign that she in fact didn’t leave. He stalked into their bathroom, going through cabinets and drawers. Her make up was gone. He went back to their dresser and went through her jewelry box. All of her rings, necklaces and bracelets were gone.
Except for the one’s he had gotten her so long ago.
“She thinks she’s leaving again. Fuck.” He ran and dodged over things that were lying on the floor, running out of the apartment, down the steps to his car. He called her on his cell phone but she didn’t pick up.
“I know where you are.” Was all he said on her voicemail.
He drove like a bat out of hell to the airport.
*****
Buffy stared at her phone.
He called her.
She wasn’t surprised. She knew he would. She also knew by the blinking on her phone telling her that she had a message that it was him.
She knew he was coming to get her.
And like a fool she knew she would go back to him.
Monday
I tried my best to feed her appetite Keep her coming every night So hard to keep her satisfied
“Oh God … Spike, baby, please …” Buffy moaned and held onto his hair, nearly ripping it out of his head.
Spike did whatever she wanted when they got back to the apartment. He didn’t bother cleaning up as he shoved everything off the bed, her belongings that she had left behind falling to the floor. Spike pushed her on the bed and undressed her, too fast for her taste but she didn’t mind, she was just happy that he was so eager. He fucked her all night long into the morning. The next afternoon Buffy tried to get up, but he pushed her back onto the bed again.
Spike held the back of her thighs up, her legs dangling in the air and he licked and sucked and nipped just the way she liked it.
“Tell me you love me … I need to hear it, please!” Buffy begged.
He looked at her, grinned and went back to what he was doing. Buffy threw her head back on the pillow, holding back tears. Finally, her tears for her own stupidity turned into sobs of pleasure as she came. She felt her legs fall on the bed and when she finally sat up to look at him, he was gone.
Tuesday
Kept playing love like it was just a game Pretending to feel the same Then turn around and leave again
Buffy was watching a late night movie when Spike stumbled through the door. She turned her head and looked at him; she could tell he was drunk.
“See! I’m home. Told you I would be!” Spike declared then walked into the kitchen. “You didn’t go to the store today?! Bloody hell, there isn’t shit to eat in this house.” He slammed the refrigerator door and stalked in the living room. He moved to sit down and she scooted over to the other end of the couch.
“What?” Spike asked.
“Nothing.”
“Liar. Why’d you move away from me?” He scooted closer and put his arm around her, pulling her to him.
“It’s four am Spike, where the fuck were you?” Buffy was pissed. Beyond pissed.
“Out.”
“I get that,” She stood and moved to the recliner. When she sat she started flipping through the channels on the television. Spike stood up and yanked the remote from her and threw it across the room.
“What the hell did you do that for?” Buffy yelled. “You come home finally and you expect me to just open my arms to you!”
“Well, actually I was hoping you’d open your legs for me.” Spike smirked and then laughed at his own statement.
“I can’t believe you, you …” She didn’t finish her statement as she got up, went to the TV and turned it off. “You are a prick and you can sleep on the fucking couch!” Buffy then went to their room and slammed the door.
“You wonder why I don’t come home! I have to put up with this bullshit!” He followed her and opened the door to the bedroom. He kicked off his shoes as she turned out the light and crawled in bed with her. She turned away from him.
“Get out.”
“No.”
He ran his hand down the side of her body, his fingertips giving her goose bumps on her skin.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean what I say.” Spike told her then kissed the back of her neck, her shoulders.
“I can’t take this anymore, I just …”
“Stop. Don’t say anything else. I don’t want to hear it, please don’t leave.” He rolled her on her back and kissed her.
Buffy lay there motionless, just watching him. She didn’t say anything more and let him make love to her.
Although she knew for him it wasn’t love.
He noticed that when they both finished, she never put her arms around him. She always did that. He rolled off of her and instantly she turned on her side away from him.
He sat up on the edge of the bed and realized that she really is gone.
Wednesday
I'll fix these broken things Repair your broken wings And make sure everything's alright
He didn’t go out that day. He stayed home hoping to show her that he wanted to make everything work. He started to regret it when she still wasn’t home. He had woken up and she was gone. He knew she hadn’t left for good because everything was still in place. He had called her friend, Faith to make sure that Buffy was with her. She was. He was relieved to find that out but then scared. Faith didn’t like him. He knew Faith was bad mouthing him at this very moment. Spike walked into the kitchen and made dinner thinking she should be home any minute. He looked around the room and tried to remember the last time they had actually had a meal at home, much less him cooking for her. Over six months.
“Fuck.” He looked at the clock just as seven o’clock rolled around. She still wasn’t home. He was tempted to call Faith again but decided against it. She had to come home any minute now.
Finally ten o’clock came and he was sitting in the dark, beer in hand when he heard the door open. He heard her move to the light switch to turn on the lights but he stopped her.
“Leave them off.”
Buffy jumped and turned to face the living room, “Spike?”
“Where the fuck were you?”
“I think you know,” She put her bags down and headed towards him. “I know you called Faith.”
“Yes, I fucking did. Looking for you. Where the fuck were you?” His voice sounded cold and Buffy closed her eyes wishing that she came home later when she knew he’d be sleeping.
“Out.”
The next thing she heard was the beer bottle as it crashed against the wall, glass and liquid going everywhere. After that, she felt her body being pressed against the door.
“Don’t give me that, where were you? Who did you see? Do I need to check?”
“Fuck you.” Buffy spat and pushed him away.
He grabbed her hand and swung her around to face him. Buffy looked away, looked at anything so she didn’t have to see the look in his eyes.
“Buffy …”
“What the fuck do you care Spike? I mean really! Do you even care? Do you even love me? No, you don’t, so don’t go around, acting like you do. What if I was? What if I was out fucking some other guy,” She started walking to the bedroom. “Would that really matter? You’re out every night, doing God knows what and you know what?” She turned to face him. “You don’t care.” She willed herself not to cry. “So why should I?” She walked away from him and into their bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
Once she was in the bedroom, she almost regretted the words she had just said as she took in the flowers and the note on the bed.
“Fuck.”
She covered her mouth and reached for the note, but then dropped it as she heard him curse and dishes when crashing to the floor. Then the door slamming as Spike left.
Thursday
My pressure on your hips Sinking my fingertips Into every inch of you Cause I know that's what you want me to do
Buffy moaned and sleepily put her arm around the body that was on top of her.
“Mmm …”
“Buffy …”
She opened her eyes when she felt her neck being kissed and all she saw was platinum blonde hair.
“Spike?”
“Ssh … baby, I’m sorry, just let me.”
“Okay.”
He pushed into her and kissed her. “Did you read my note?” He asked as he moved her leg up to wrap around him. “I meant every word.”
Buffy turned her head away, “I didn’t read it.”
“What?” Spike looked down at her, and then closed his eyes when he felt her muscles squeezing him. “God Buffy …”
Buffy pulled his head down and kissed him, “Spike? I’m leaving.”
His body stilled and she just watched his face. She saw the shock, the sadness then the cold eyes that burned into her own eyes last night. He pulled out of her and flipped her on her stomach roughly and without giving another moment to spare he entered her.
Buffy screamed.
“Why?” He shouted. “Tell me now.” He moved into her, his fingers digging into her hips.
Buffy closed her eyes and pushed back against him, “Because you don’t love me.”
He grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her up and licked her neck, “I do love you, you fucking bitch.” He pushed her back down and fucked her.
Friday
This love has taken its toll on me She said goodbye too many times before And her heart is breaking in front of me I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
Spike sat on the bed and watched as she packed another bag. She had told him to just go out. She really didn’t want him here while she did this. While she left him. He didn’t say one word to her the whole time and that was creeping her out. He even went as far as to make the arrangements for her flight.
There was a knock at the door and Buffy looked at Spike. He waved his hand for her to continue what she was doing and he went and answered.
It was Faith.
“Is she ready to yet?” She asked as she walked past him.
“Oh, you’re so eager to have her leave me.” Spike slammed the door after she walked in.
“Actually, yea, I am.” She smiled. She fucking smiled at him.
“Fuck you.” Spike went and grabbed a beer and went back to the room.
“Um, no. I’m happy with the man that loves me and not uses me you fuck face.” Faith said as she followed him into the room.
“Hey B, you ready yet?”
“Um …” She looked at Spike again as he sat on the bed, his eyes on her. She looked away from him and back at Faith. “In a minute.”
Faith grabbed a bag, “I’ll go ahead and put this in the car then.”
“Okay.”
Faith flicked Spike off when Buffy’s head was turned and he was tempted to break that finger. Fucking bitch. When he heard the front door close he put his beer down and went to her. He wrapped his arms around her and he felt her stiffen.
“Buffy, please don’t.” He moved her hair out of the way and kissed her neck while he brought his hand up to cup her breast.
“Spike, I have to.” She didn’t move away from him.
“No, you don’t. You’re doing this to prove a point.” Spike stated and began moving his hand under her shirt, rubbing her stomach. “I know you love me, and you know that I …” He let the words trail off and Buffy finally pushed away from him when she knew he wasn’t going to finish the sentence.
Spike brought his hand up to his head and sighed, “Buffy don’t’ do this.”
“Why? Oh, let me guess, because I’m only proving a point? Because you know I’m going to come back to you? Well, guess what. I’m not. I’m not proving a point and I’m not coming back to you. I can’t take this anymore!” Buffy screamed at him.
Spike closed his eyes and reopened them. He knew she was going to cry and if it had been six months ago, she would have. He knew he loved her, he knew he wanted her and he wanted to prove to her that he did. He just didn’t know how.
“I want you to stay.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’re lying … I know …”
“I know, I’m a lying bitch, right?” Buffy put her hands on her hips and stared at him.
His mouth opened and closed a few times, “No, no … you’re not.”
“Oh, what a change. I seem to recall being a lying bitch a lot.” Buffy picked up her bag.
As she walked out the bedroom door he stopped her.
“I love you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do, Buffy I love you so much, please don’t leave.” Spike pleaded. If he had to get on his knee’s he would.
“You’re a lying bitch.”
Buffy walked past him and out the door.
This love has taken its toll on me She said Goodbye too many times before And her heart is breaking in front of me I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
End.
Thank you for all of your comments. I wanted to cut this all up into two chapters or parts, but I decided to just keep it as one. This is slowly turning into a fic for the request of most people.
*****
“Oh, baby, just like that, yea.” Spike moaned. “Fuck, fuck …” he babbled on.
Harmony swirled her tongue around his cock before taking him whole again. Spike kept his eyes closed most of the time. He’d look down at her just to see the blonde hair, and then close his eyes again. He imagined Buffy doing this to him. He wished it was Buffy doing this to him.
But it wasn’t.
He hadn’t seen her since that day.
Six months ago.
Since then he’d been a mess. He tried getting a hold of her but she had turned her phone off. He paid for it anyway, so he assumed she was doing the ‘independent woman’ thing. He had called Faith demanding where she went, but all she would do is hang up on him. Finally one day he sad ‘fuck it’ and gave up. Now he had moved this young blonde into his home. Into his bed.
Into their bed.
God, he hated himself.
Spike came, Harmony was quick to swallow him down, and she moved up his body and kissed him. He kissed her back of course, running his hand through her blonde locks.
“Mmm, do me now.” She moaned and kissed his neck.
He obliged.
*****
Buffy missed him. She wanted him back, but she was fed up. She didn’t want to go back to where she was before, but some nights that’s all she wanted. To be in his arms. If he would come home. She thought back to the nights when he wouldn’t come home and she’d be left alone for days. She hated him for that.
After she had left, she went back to New York. It was cold. She was cold. Her bed was cold.
She picked up the phone several times but always hung up before she finished dialing.
She had found a lover in the big apple, to take away those cold nights and she appreciated it. She was grateful for him because now in a way, she wasn’t alone. And those nights when he would come over, those hours … it helped. It helped take her mind off of the man in California.
At least for a little while.
“Hello?” Buffy asked when she picked up her phone.
“Hey, I’m coming over tonight, okay?” Angel told her. “Wear something nice.”
Buffy smiled, “Of course. I’ll see you then.” Then she hung up. Her smile faded. She thought of the times in the beginning of her relationship with Spike when he would call her and tell her that they were going out and to wear something nice.
Not many.
Buffy sighed and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
*****
“Ouch, God, get off of me!” Harmony yelled sleepily before pushing Spike away.
Spike woke up then, “What? What happened?” He sat up and turned the light on.
“I need my space; you had your hands all over me. Just stay on your side.” She said then turned away from him.
Spike covered his face with his hand and went into the kitchen grabbing a beer.
“Bitch.”
Spike lay on the couch and turned on the TV.
That’s where he fell back asleep.
*****
“Mmm, morning,” Buffy moaned sleepily and put her hand over Angel’s. He rubbed her stomach, moving his hand up to cover her breast.
“Good morning indeed. Sleep well?” Angel asked then kissed her shoulder, moving his way down her back.
“Actually, yes I did.” Buffy rolled on her back, then moved and sat on top of him. “And … I had so much fun last night. Your friends are great.” She began kissing his chest, and then she kissed him.
“I’m glad you had fun, I think Wesley is fond of you. He kept on looking at you.” Angel said with a hint of jealousy in his voice.
“I hadn’t noticed,” Buffy grinned then sank down on his shaft. “I only saw you.”
“I like the sound of that.”
*****
“Spike!”
Snore.
“Hold on, he’s sleeping, I’m trying to wa—Yes, I heard you! It’s of major importance.” Harmony screeched into the phone. “He’s not waking up.”
“Spike! Phone!” She rolled her eyes and said with a mock accent, “It’s of major importance!”
“Bloody fuck, who is it?” Spike yawned.
“Who is this? Okay! It’s Wesley,” She informed him then dropped the phone on his stomach, “I’m going out, I’ll be back later.”
“Yeah, whatever.” He put the phone to his ear, “What do you want?”
Spike shot up, “You’re fucking kidding me.”
He got up and looked for clothes, “She’s there? Yeah, I’m going to book a flight, I’ll call you.”
Spike hung up and got dressed. After fixing himself slightly up, he packed a bag and was out the door.
*****
“Who was that?” Buffy asked when she walked into the room from her bathroom. She let the towel drop in front of needy eyes and grinned when she saw his expression. “Well?”
“Oh, that was Wes. He wants to hang out tonight, and funny, he said to bring you along.” He grabbed her and pulled her to the bed, both of them falling. He pinned her underneath him and kissed her, “Wonder why?”
“Mmm, I don’t know. Don’t care.” She kissed him and playfully pushed him away, “I have to get ready.”
“Buffy, you don’t have to.” Angel told her, “I was thinking anyway …”
Buffy dressed and sat on the bed, “Thinking what?”
He smiled a little and toyed with a strand of her hair, “I was thinking you could just move in with me.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Move in. As in, you putting all of your stuff in my apartment.”
“Oh.”
******
“I’m here, should I just get a cab or are you going to come get me.” A pause. “Okay, I’ll be waiting.”
Spike hung up and waited for Wes. He was nervous but more pissed because she went to the other side of the continent to get away from him. He should have known she would be there. They had met in New York. He sat down on a bench and lit a cigarette, thinking of Buffy and what she’ll say when she sees him.
“Why am I even here?” He muttered to himself and ground out his cigarette. Just then his phone rang.
“Wes? Are you here yet?”
“Here yet what? Where are you?” Harmony asked. “I left and now you’re gone. Where’d you go?”
“Oh, bloody hell.”
*****
“Do I look okay?” Buffy made a pose and Angel smiled.
“Beautiful.”
“Why thank you, kind sir.” Buffy kissed him then sat on the bed to put her shoes on.
“Yeah, my girl is getting all pretty for Wesley.” Angel grinned, “I’m sure Fred will be happy to know of that.”
“Oh, please,” She kissed him.
Angel stood up from the bed and put some cologne on, “Have you given any thought as to what I asked?”
“Oh, well … How about we talk about that when we’re not running late to meet your friends.” Buffy said and walked past him to the living room.
“Yeah, sure.” Was all he said as he followed her.
*****
“How long until she gets here?” Spike was nervous. He looked around the crowded club and bit on his fingernail constantly. Like some schoolboy.
“Soon, but I must tell you, she won’t be alone.” Wes told him.
“What?” He couldn’t believe it.
“The guy, Angel, Fred’s friend, well …”
“What? Tell me.” Spike said.
“Well, they are involved.”
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She … she moved on? Fucking …”
“I had no idea it was her the entire time. When I came to visit California last week and saw a picture of her, I still didn’t put two and two together. Her hair, it is slightly different.”
“Yeah, yeah. I can’t believe this.” Spike downed the rest of his beer and ordered another. “How different?”
“Oh, well like that …” Wes pointed. “That different.”
“What the bloody fuck did she do?”
*****
“Wow this place is crowded; I don’t even think I’ll be able to dance.” Buffy held onto Angel’s hand as he pushed through the crowd to the bar.
“Oh, you know you’re going to dance, I love it when you dance.” He pulled her ahead of him to whisper in her ear other things he liked that she did. Buffy giggled and rested her head against his chest as they made it through the club.
“Oh, there he is,” Angel pointed to Wes and gave Buffy a light push in that direction.
“Hey Wes,” Buffy smiled and told Angel what she wanted from the bar. Angel sat down next to some blonde guy and ordered for Buffy and himself. Buffy stood between his legs and leaned against him.
“How have you been Wes?” Buffy asked.
“Oh, I’ve been … doing well, how about yourself, Buffy?” Wes sipped on his beer and looked past her to Spike. He had his head turned the whole time and when he snuck a glance she had her back turned to him.
“Oh, I’ve been great. Thank you,” She accepted her drink and Angel got up from the stool to let her sit. Buffy sat and sipped on her drink. She noticed something, some smell and it instantly took her back to her days in California.
“Are you going to go dance?” Angel kissed her.
“Only if you’re coming with me.” Buffy smiled, “And don’t give me that I don’t dance crap, just dance like you’re having sex, making love to me.”
“Oh bloody hell.”
“Oh God.”
*****
Spike slammed his beer down and turned in his seat not being able to take it anymore. He saw Wes’ eyes on him and the other guy’s eyes on Buffy. Buffy slowly turned around to face him.
“Buffy …”
“What the hell are you doing here?!” She yelled.
“You know this guy?”
“Buffy … can we talk?”
“No, we can’t. What are you doing here?”
“Came to see you.” He reached out to grab her hand but she took it away.
“Buffy who is this?” Angel asked. He crossed his arms and looked back and forth between the two.
“Who am I? I’m her fucking boyfriend, who are you?” Spike snapped.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong, I’m her boyfriend, and we’re leaving.” Angel grabbed Buffy’s hand and started walking.
“Buffy!”
Buffy walked away from him and with Angel.
“Fuck!”
“Buffy, who was that guy?” Angel had trouble keeping up with her, she was walking so fast. “Buffy?”
She turned around, her arms falling at her sides and watched as a couple of people passed them, then walked to him. “He’s the reason I left California. I don’t know how he found me.” She hugged him, “Get me out of here.”
Angel kept his arm around her as they walked away from the club.
*****
“William! Where are you going?” Wes quickly got up from his seat, following Spike as he pushed his way through the crowd. Once outside, he looked around as if she was waiting for him. “Where’d they go?” Spike asked turning and looking at Wes.
“I would assume he would take her home. Come on; let’s go back to my place. The night is over.”
“Bloody hell it’s over. I need to talk to her.”
“Tomorrow is another day.”
“No. Tonight. Where does she live?” Spike asked.
*****
Angel had taken her home and at her request he left after he tucked her in bed. She wanted to be alone. Seeing Spike tonight brought back every good and bad thing about their relationship in less than five seconds. She didn’t understand how he found her, and she knew that now that he had, he wouldn’t give up. She kicked the covers off of her and stood up, running a hand through her hair. She needed something … a drink. She checked her cabinets and then remembered her and Angel drank the last of his scotch that he had brought over a week ago. She hated it, but drank it anyway.
As she was walking back to her room, she heard a knock, no rather a pound on her door. She ignored it once but when she figured it wasn’t going to stop she looked into her peephole and saw him.
“Go away.”
“Let me in.”
She leaned her back against the door, “How did you find me?”
“I’ll tell you once you let me in. Is your boyfriend in there with you?” Spike asked sarcastically.
“Go to hell, and leave me alone.”
“We need to talk. Just open the door. I’m not going to go away.” She heard him testing out the doorknob. “Buffy …”
“Damnit!” She opened the door and the first thing he felt was the sting from her slap. “What the fuck do you want?!” She screamed.
He held his cheek then grabbed her pushing himself inside. Kicking the door closed he located where her couch was and pushed her on it.
She quickly picked herself up and looked at him, “Why?”
“I needed to see you.” He sat down beside her and was surprisingly calm.
She didn’t say anything, just kept looking at him hoping he would continue so he could just leave after she told him to go away. It wasn’t that easy though, he never gave up.
“Buffy, I’m sorry. For everything.” He looked at her and she looked away from him. He saw she was starting to cry and went to wipe away a tear that slid down her check, but she slapped his hand away and wiped it herself.
“Fine. Get out.” She got up from the couch, but he grabbed her again and pinned her down.
He held her arms above her head and straddled her, “Look at me.”
She was used to this, he always did this. Always had to be in control of every situation and out of curiosity, she stayed where she was and looked at him. She knew he wouldn’t hit her, he never had.
He didn’t hesitate. He leaned down and kissed her hard. She turned her head but he followed her movement and whispered against her lips, “Buffy, please …”
He shifted to lie beside her, his leg and arm over her. She turned her head away and he let his fingers softly graze her arm, “I came here to try to get you back, yes and to tell you I’m sorry. I do love you, I’m in love with you and I know you feel the same way.” He bent his head down and kissed her neck and inwardly grinned when he heard her moan.
“It’s too late, too much has happened.” She kept her head turned and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of him.
“No, you’re wrong. We can still start again, I need you.” He let his fingers drift to the hem of her nightshirt and he moved his fingers over her tummy. When she didn’t protest that, he let his fingers go further up to the point where he was cupping her bare breast. He gently squeezed, then pinched her nipple with his fingers.
“Spike …”
She knew this was wrong, but it was familiar. Even though she had been happy with Angel, she always held a place in her heart for Spike, despite how bad things were. He was her first love.
“Have to say pet,” He leaned down and kissed her chin. “Love the hair, but I do prefer my goldilocks.”
“That’s why I did it.” She moaned. Oh, this was very wrong.
“I see.” He pushed her nightshirt up, leaving her breasts in full view. Still looking at her he darted his tongue out and licked around a nipple, then sucked.
She held the back of his head, “Spike, please … please, stop.”
He lifted his head and brought her nightshirt back down, “Can we go back?”
“I don’t think we can.”
He sat up, letting her get up as well and they just looked at each other, not knowing what to do next.
Buffy played with her fingers to keep her mind off of him. Sitting next to her. In her apartment. In New York.
“How did you get here? I mean, how did you know I was here?” Buffy asked.
Spike kicked his shoes off and rested his feet on her coffee table, “Wes.”
“How do you know him?” Kill Wes later, she thought.
“Cousin.”
“And I didn’t know this because?” She looked at him.
“Because you’ve never met him, well before you moved here. I’ve mentioned him before; you must not have been listening.”
“Or you just never mentioned him.”
“I love you.” He said out of the blue. “I always will. I … I just wanted you to know that.” He looked away from her and focused on the bowl of potpourri that was by his feet.
“Why couldn’t you tell me before?” She shifted her body and faced him, sitting Indian style.
“I did.”
“When it was too late.” Buffy stated.
“Yes, I realize that.” He looked at her, “I want to make it up to you.”
“I don’t think you can.” Buffy said then went to stand up but he stopped her by laying a hand on her thigh.
“I will.”
*****
Buffy woke up to her phone ringing. She yawned and sat up, looking over at Spike, then picked up her phone, “Hello?” The clock on her wall told her it was almost eleven a.m.
Spike was awake but kept his eyes closed, keeping up the illusion that he was sleeping.
“Hey Angel. Yeah, I just woke up. No it’s no bother, why don’t you come over later. No, not right now. Angel …”
Spike felt her get up when the couch shifted and opened his eyes so he could watch her. He saw that she went into her bedroom and he sat up. A couple of minutes later she came out.
“Oh, you’re up.” Buffy stated the obvious, “You need to go.”
“Why?” He stood up and walked to her, “Don’t want to, well unless you’re coming with me.”
“He’s coming over so that means you need to go.”
Spike smirked, “More of a reason to stay.”
“You can’t do this; you can’t come back after six months and pretend everything is going to be okay, because it’s not. You hurt me, Spike. A lot.” Buffy sighed.
“Baby, I know that. I’ve had a lot of time to think. I was a right bastard and I promise to do right by you.” He reached out to hold her but she stepped back.
“I don’t believe you. But I want to. I wish I could.” Buffy said softly.
“I came all this way! Doesn’t that show something?”
“Spike …”
“I’ve thought about you everyday. Always wondering where you were, I even called Faith. Too much. Bint hung up on my every single time.”
“I know.”
“Oh, so you know I’ve been trying to reach you.” He took a step closer and she didn’t move away, “I know you love me Buffy.”
“This isn’t about love! Of course I love you but you … you don’t treat me the way I need to be treated. If you loved me you would respect me, and you don’t.”
“Just give me a chance, I’ll show you, I’ll be the man you want me to be.” He pulled her close and rubbed her back. “Let me show you.”
She knew she was giving in and what scared her more is that Spike knew too. She didn’t know what to tell Angel though. To him, he thought everything had been good between them and it had, really. She had fun with him but she knew she was using him to get over Spike and it wasn’t working. She loved him still.
“I have to talk to Angel.” Buffy pulled away and looked at him. “I need to tell him what’s going on.”
Spike kissed her and smiled, “And what is going on?”
“Don’t be a jerk; you know exactly what is happening.” Buffy said and rolled her eyes at him when he grinned.
“Fuck,” was all she said when she heard the knock on the door, “You were supposed to be gone!”
“Oops?”
Buffy sighed, “Go in the bedroom or something, just don’t be out here.”
Spike kissed her again and went to her room. He closed the door, but stood next to it, hoping to hear what was going on.
*****
“Angel.” Buffy moved to the side and let him enter her apartment. “I need to talk to you.”
“Oh, well we can talk over lunch, why don’t you go get dressed.” Angel said, “I’ll wait here.”
“No, I mean, we need to talk. Now.” Buffy led him to the couch and they both sat.
“What is it you need to tell me? Did that guy get a hold of you? Are you okay?” Angel took her hand and looked at her.
Spike rolled his eyes and kept listening.
Buffy let him hold her hand, “Yeah, he did get a hold of me and I’m …”
Angel cut her off, “I knew I should have stayed last night! Are you okay? What did he do?”
“Angel, just let me finish, okay?” She rubbed his hand with her other hand and looked at him, “You’re a really great guy. You are, and these past few months, I’ve really appreciated you being here.”
Angel stayed silent and looked at her.
Spike grinned.
“I’m going back to California.”
Angel looked at her like she grew a second head in the last five seconds, “I’m sorry, what?”
“I’m going back with him. Angel, you’ve been great, but … I love him. I need to go back.”
“You don’t need to do anything! This is insane! Buffy, I mean, think logically! You can’t just leave an apartment sitting here!”
“You know I signed a seven month lease and hello! You asked me to move in with you, so what was I going to do? Just leave an apartment sitting here?” Buffy was getting annoyed. More annoyed at the fact that Spike was just in the other room. She hated this.
“Did I mean anything to you?” His voice got surprisingly low and he slowly looked at her, “Do I mean anything?”
“Angel,” Buffy now felt bad. It wasn’t fair. She liked Angel and he’d been so sweet to her, but she loved Spike. He came after her right when he found out where she was. I mean, that has to say something. Right? “Of course you did, do! You do, but he means something to me too, and I have to finish whatever I have with him. I have to have closure, or I just have to see if he’s for real. He may be and he may not be, but I have to figure that out for myself. For all I know, he did change his ways and if I give up on him when we could have had a chance, I’ll never forgive myself for it. I have to do this.”
Buffy took his hand, but he pulled it away, “Don’t expect me to wait for you, because I won’t.” He told her.
Better not be waiting for her, Spike thought. She’s mine.
“I would never ask you to wait for me. I’m sorry for how it’s …”
“Don’t. Just don’t.” He got up, glanced at her one time and left the apartment.
Before Buffy had a chance to react, Spike had already come out of the bedroom.
“Took him long enough, I thought the bloke would never leave. I’m surprised at myself, I was about to come out there and …” He looked at her, “Buffy?”
Buffy got up and walked past him to her room and he followed her, “Buffy?”
“Spike …” She sat on the bed and looked at him, “I … nothing.”
Spike was trying not to get upset. Why should he? He got the girl. Or did he? Now he just had to get her out of New York and back to California. Back home.
“Don’t worry about the apartment; I’ll take care of everything. We’ll send for your things.”
Buffy nodded.
*****
Buffy hadn’t heard from Angel and she decided it was better that way. She needed to go back and sort everything out. Today she was leaving with Spike and going back to California. Spike had stayed with her for the last week, packing and talking. Things were going surprisingly well. They hadn’t fought, she was happy. He had changed. This was what she needed to do.
Buffy got off the phone and went out into the living room, “Faith said she’d pick us up.”
“Okay”
Of course that was after Buffy practically begged her. Faith hated Spike and she was pissed off at Buffy for coming back with him.
“Are you ready?” Spike asked.
“I think so. This is how it’s going to be?” Buffy wrapped her arms around his hips and leaned on him.
“I told you, everything is going to be different.”
She believed him.
*****
“Damn B! What’s in this bag?” Faith asked as she dragged Buffy’s bag up the steps.
“A dead body.” Buffy giggled then sobered. “Thank you for getting us, I know you don’t …”
“Don’t say anything, it’s all good. Except for this bag.” Faith smiled as she dragged it.
Buffy nodded and walked up behind her. Spike was busy getting her other bags, plus his own. She fished out the key from her pocket and went to open the door, but it was already opened.
“That’s weird.”
“He’s a dumbass; he probably forgot to lock it when he left.” Faith said.
“Probably.” Buffy opened up the door and they went inside. She heard Spike walking, cursing at the weight of her bags also and she smiled.
“Just put it anywhere, I’ll go through it later.” Buffy yawned, “So tired.”
Spike came up behind her after putting her bags down, “I think a nap is in order.” He kissed her neck and went to the fridge, getting himself a beer.”
“Spikey?”
Three pairs of eyes focused on the bedroom.
“What the fuck?”
“Bloody hell.”
Faith just shook her head and smirked.
“Spike, who the hell is that?” Buffy turned and looked at Spike.
“I’m Harmony, who the hell are you?”
Please don’t hate me. *pouts*
More to come.
Part Three of This Love Feedback: slayersgift@aol.com
“I can explain.” Spike simply said.
Faith chuckled and grabbed a beer from the fridge wanting to watch the action, but would be quick to defend Buffy if need be.
“Spike, who is she?” Harmony asked. “And what is she doing here? She has bags.”
“Yes, I am aware, Harm!” Spike sighed and covered his face with his hand. “Buffy, Harmony, Harm, Buffy.”
“Fuck this and fuck you Spike. You …complete, utter asshole!” Buffy screamed. “You come all the way to New York to come and get me and I come home to this?!”
“Home? This is my home, you don’t live here!” Harmony screeched. “So why don’t you take you and your ugly bags and get out of here!”
Spike didn’t know what to say. What could he say? When Harmony had called him when he was at the airport he told her that he went away for the weekend. He forgot to call her and tell her that he was coming back, but she would have to be out. He was too busy spending time with Buffy, getting their situation under control.
“You know what? That’s a wonderful idea. Come on, Faith.” Buffy picked up her bags and headed for the door.
“Buffy, wait.” Spike followed her leaving Faith and Harmony behind.
Buffy made it downstairs and headed for Faith’s car. She put her bags down and turned around, “Don’t even Spike. Nothing you could possibly say will fix this. You fucked up. Not me.” Buffy crossed her arms and looked at him. She wasn’t crying, she was tired of crying.
“Oh, just like it wasn’t fucked up that I come to New York to see you with someone?! You forgot about me that quickly Buffy? Like I was nothing?”
“Oh, sure. Blame this on me. I’m so sorry I moved on. But Spike, I took you back, I was coming back because I believed you. I believed everything you said and what happens? You have some bimbo living in our apartment!”
Spike didn’t hesitate, “She’s gone. I’ll tell her to leave. You just said you moved on and that’s why you were with Angel, that’s what Harmony was. She doesn’t mean anything to me Buffy. I was just trying to get over you, but I can’t! It’s always you. It’s still all about you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I know you don’t. I know, I’m a bastard, a right fucking bastard, but this bastard loves you with everything. Buffy, I love you so much. I’m sorry.”
Buffy smirked and rolled her eyes, “I’ve heard that before. Too many times.”
Spike took a step to close the distance between them, “I know you don’t believe me, Buffy but I will make it up to you. I will. All the times I walked out on you, hurt you … made you cry, all of it. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you. But, if you want to leave, go ahead, I’ll never stop loving you and you know I’ll never give up.” He let his fingertips linger down her arm and she looked up at him.
“You’re an idiot.” Buffy smiled at him then let her eyes drift to the ground as she looked away, “I understand. I had Angel and you had the bimbo. I can’t blame you for that. I’m gonna go though, I just don’t want to be here right now. Take care of it and call me.”
“I will, okay.” Spike said. “Kiss me.”
“No!” Buffy pouted then smiled. Spike grinned leaning in to kiss her. His lips touched hers and she gave into him. He wrapped his arms around her pinning her to Faith’s car.
*****
Faith shook her head as she looked out the window then poured out the rest of her beer in the sink. Harmony was still standing where she was when the couple left looking at Faith. Faith turned to throw the bottle away and noticed the blonde looking at her, “What?”
“Nothing.”
Faith rolled her eyes and took a seat on the counter.
“Well, just make yourself at home or whatever.” Harmony said.
“I think I will, considering someone’s going to be moving out.” Faith smirked, “Yeah that would be you. You should go ahead and pack your bags. You’re history blondy.”
Harmony just crossed her arms and looked away waiting for Spike to come back.
*****
“Go get Faith for me?” Buffy asked as she pulled away from him.
“I will … only if you do something for me?” Spike kissed her again.
“What would that be?”
“Tell me you love me.” Spike tilted his head and kissed her neck.
Buffy held onto his arms, “I love you, now go get Faith.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He gave her one last kiss and disappeared into the building.
*****
Spike closed the door behind Faith and without a second thought, “Get your stuff and leave.”
“What? I am so not going anywhere. Why are you kicking me out?” Harmony whined.
“Because, just get your stuff and go …” Spike sighed. “Go on, get out.”
*****
“Yes, I know. Go ahead, say it. I know you’re dying to.” Buffy grinned then took a sip of her fruity drink. She and Faith had dropped her bags off at Faith’s place then went to the sports bar to get drinks and relax.
“Not going to say a word. You know how I feel.” Faith nodded at the bartender when he brought her another beer.
“I love him, he knows it. I’m here so …”
“So what? You moved back to Cali, big diff. You could stay with me.” Faith suggested.
“I know, I think I will tonight. Just to give him a night.”
“Or yourself. You always give to him. Give and get shit for a return. You need to teach him who’s boss. Smack him around a bit.” Faith grinned.
“Yeah, I can just see myself doing that. He’d laugh at me.” Buffy pouted, “I kinda like it that he takes control. He likes it too as you can see.”
“I bet he won’t laugh. I also bet he’d love to see you in control. Give it to him good Buffy, you won’t regret it.” Faith winked and downed the rest of her beer.
*****
Buffy settled herself on Faiths couch and turned on the TV to keep her company. Faith went out, of course, leaving Buffy behind. She had invited Buffy but she was still groggy from the flight and from the day’s events. Buffy didn’t mind it; she wanted the time to herself anyway. To think. Especially of that blond man that invaded her thoughts every chance he got.
Buffys eyes began to drift closed but she jumped when she heard her cell phone ring. She reached for her phone looking at the caller id and picked it up.
“You woke me up.” Buffy greeted.
“Aww, I’m sorry baby.” Spike said in mock apology.
“Yea, sure.” Buffy sat up Indian style and turned down the TV. “What do you want?”
“You.”
“Besides that.” Buffy grinned against the phone.
“Hmm. Let me think. Oh, you.” Spike said.
“Is she gone?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah, she left about thirty minutes after you did. Is Faith there?” He asked, his voice softer.
“No, she went out.” Buffy told him. She lay back down and pulled the blanket over her.
“She’s going to be gone all night?”
Buffy glanced at the clock. It was a little after twelve and the club didn’t close until two. “She’ll probably be back around two thirty.”
“I’m coming over.” Spike said. “Be up.”
“You are not coming over, Spike let me sleep.” Buffy whined, “I’m tired.”
“Want you.” Was all he said.
“Soon.”
*****
“You should have come with last night, you woulda had some fun.” Faith said as she fixed herself an omelet.
Buffy sat at the table watching her, remembering how Angel always made eggs. Any possible egg you wanted, he’d make it. They were good too. Buffy shrugged, “Just wanted to sleep. I was tired.”
“Yeah, I get that, it’s all good. Just telling you, you would have had some fun. You want one? I would ask you to make it yourself but I like my kitchen the way it is.” She joked.
“Ha-ha very funny. No, I’m okay. Just gonna get some cereal.” Buffy said and got out a bowl from the cabinet.
“So, have you given any thought to the whole smack my bitch up thing?” Faith flipped the egg over browning the other side.
“Oh. That. Well … no.” Buffy replied. “All you have is whole milk?” Buffy searched the fridge thinking that if she moved the pitcher of juice there would be a half gallon of skim milk behind it.
“Just whole and why not?” Faith sat down and began eating.
“Because, I told you why. He wouldn’t take me seriously anyway.” Buffy gave up and poured the milk in the bowl. She sat down across from Faith and began eating.
*****
“You sure you don’t want to stay longer? I don’t mind at all.” Faith pulled up outside of Spike’s building. When Buffy shook her head, she turned the car off, “Come on, I’ll help you get these bags inside.”
“Okay.”
The girls got Buffy’s things inside. Buffy didn’t bother calling before she came, so Spike didn’t know and was still sleeping in the bedroom. Buffy peeked her head in, “Yeah, he’s here.” She closed the door and went back out to the living room.
“You want me to hang out for a bit?”
“No, that’s okay. Just probably going to clean up around here, then lay back down.” Buffy then added, “And unpack. I hate unpacking.” She pouted.
“Have fun!” Faith gave a thumbs up and left.
Buffy sighed and began picking up the living room.
*****
He felt the bed shift and saw the brunette lying down next to him. Why did she do that to her hair?, he thought. Spike turned on his side, spooning her back and wrapping an arm around her, bringing her close. “Hey baby.” He kissed her shoulder.
“Hey.” Buffy noticed he had changed the sheets. There was no way sheets could still smell Downy fresh. She brought her hand up to hold his and closed her eyes.
“You’re not sleepy are you? You slept all night.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk. You’re still in bed.” Buffy stated the obvious.
“Yeah, I am. Maybe I was just waiting her for you.” Spike nuzzled her neck and let his hands dip beneath the waistband of her shorts. He felt her press back against him so he removed his hand and told her to take off her shorts. She did. She also took off her top and rolled to face him. Buffy lay perched on her elbow looking at him all the while sliding her finger from the valley of her breasts, over her bra, all the way down to where the waistband of her panties started.
“You want this?” Buffy mentally slapped herself in the head. What was she doing?
“Oh yeah, I do.” Spike leaned forward and captured her lips in a bruising yet satisfying kiss. She rolled on her back, wrapping her arms around him while he made himself comfortable between her legs. She rested her feet on the back of his legs and ground herself against him. A moan escaped her lips as pressed hard kisses from her mouth down to her chest, moving down her body. ‘Must have done something right,’ Buffy thought.
“Missed you … God Buffy …”
“Tell me you love me.” Buffy demanded in a mere whisper.
“I love you.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear, all this time … and you never could.” Buffy pushed him away from her and she quickly straddled his body. “You never let yourself say it to me until it was too late.” She held his arms above his head and bent down, kissing him hard.
A jolt of pleasure ran through Spike’s body and he groaned against her mouth. He lifted his hips grinding them against her ass and was rewarded when she pushed back down against him, against the pressure.
“Buffy … baby, please, I need you so bad.” He begged her and continued to lift his hips against her. He knew he could easily get his arms free but the fact that she was holding him down with a determined look on her face made him want her so much more.
“I needed you … and you weren’t here.” She whispered against his cheek then stuck her tongue out, licking the outer shell of his ear and he shivered.
“Buffy …”
“Shut up Spike.” She lifted her upper body up and looked down at him, “You lied to me constantly. Every word that came out of your mouth was a lie … and you say you love me.” Buffy looked at him, trying not to let the effect of her words get to her as he just stared up at her, mostly in fascination. “Move your arms, see what happens.” Buffy gave him a look of warning and she removed her hands from his arms bringing them to her chest to unclasp her bra. Once it was off she placed her hands where they were before and leaned over him, “Suck.”
Spike didn’t hesitate. He lifted his head and licked an already hard nub with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth. Buffy’s eyes opened briefly to look down at his face. His eyes were closed and when he would suck on her nipple, his cheeks would hollow up so he’d suck them harder. She moaned, her mouth open slightly and he opened his eyes watching her. She saw his cheekbones define more as he grinned at her and kept with what he was doing. Buffy let go of one arm and brought it to the side of her hip. She quickly untied the ribbon that was holding her panties together and lifted slightly to pull them off. Her free arm moved under her, sliding against her center before finding its destination on the button of his jeans. One turn of his wrist and they were unbuttoned. Buffy pulled away from him, his lips leaving her sensitive nipple. She quickly got off of him so he could pull his pants off. Then she fell back on the bed, looking up at him.
“You’re mine now.” Spike’s voice was husky and full of need. He got between her legs, grabbing the back of her thighs and pushed them skyward. Buffy yelped and laid her head back on the pillow awaiting what was to come. She felt her legs being released and lifted her head her to look at him. He reached over her, stacking all the pillows behind her.
“Now lay your head down, I want you to see me.” He placed a pillow underneath her ass as well. Buffy nodded and did as he said. Spike knelt between her legs. He gripped her knees and pulled them apart, opening her up to him. He grinned at her and licked his lips, then ducked his head down, licking her from bottom to top. A moan escaped Buffys lips and he hardened more.
“Spike, come up here, please, forget all this, just need you in me.”
He raised his eyes to look at her. He continued what he was doing, his eyes locked on hers. Buffy rolled her head back, and then brought it back up giving him a pleading look.
“Please …”
“Anything you want, baby.” Spike sat up on his knees and bent over to kiss her. “I love you.”
“Love you too, now you. In me. Now.”
Spike kissed her again and positioned himself at her entrance. He rubbed the tip of his dick against her clit making her cry out. Finally he pushed into her.
“Yes …” Buffy breathed.
Spike pushed himself in to the hilt and began moving when he calmed down a bit. He kissed her again then looked at her. Her eyes were on him as they always were. He was the first to look away and he placed his arms under her shoulders while he buried his face in her neck. All the things that he’d ever done to her just got flashed before his eyes, just with her look. He couldn’t bear it; he couldn’t understand why she was here. He was such a bastard to her, he knew it. She knew it. But she still was here, still loved him and he was suddenly grateful but sad at the same time. He made a promise to her that he would change, be a better man for her. He intended to keep his promise. He loved her and he made a vow with himself right then and there that he was going to show her every chance he got just how much.
Buffy held onto him, “You okay?”
Spike’s thrusting slowed down a bit, “Yeah baby, I’m fine. Everything is going to be okay.” He said against her ear. He lifted his head and kissed her lips, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
TBC...