Chapter 1: Old Friends

8 years ago

“I don’t want you to go.” 10-year-old Buffy Summers said hugging her best friend tight, letting tear fall freely down her cheeks.

“I don’t want to go either.” William Giles’ plane was scheduled to leave for England in an hour, and his father waited in the car for him while he said his goodbye to his best friend.

“Then don’t.” Buffy said pulling away, and giving him a pout. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, as she let silent sobs escape from her mouth.

“William, it’s time to go!” Mr. Giles called out to his 10-year-old boy from the parked car.

William glanced over at his father, and then back at Buffy, and giving her another gripping hug, not wanting to let her go.

“I’ll miss you.” Buffy whispered against his shoulder.

“I’ll miss you, too. I’ll call you everyday. I promise.” The two reluctantly pulled away, tears in their eyes, and said their final good byes.

Buffy and her parents watched the father and son drive off down the road. Little Buffy, turned and ran back inside, when she couldn’t see the car anymore, letting more tears fall as she locked herself in her bedroom.

* * * * *

Present Day

Buffy skipped down the stairs in her white beater and black short-shorts, and into the kitchen, with the biggest smile on her face.

“Macho, macho man! I want to be-hey mom-a macho man!” Buffy sang the song under her breath, dancing around the kitchen to the fridge.

“Well, honey, you in a very chipper mood this morning!” Joyce looked down at her watch, and smiled. “And you’re up before 1:00 during the summer.” Joyce sat at the island and popped a grape from the plate in front of her, in her mouth.

“It’s just ever since I found out last night that Will was coming back, I’ve been…‘chipper’ for lack of a better word!” Buffy poured her self some juice, and hoped up on the counter. “It’s been 8 years, mom. I’ve missed him like crazy. Can’t wait to show him off to everyone.” She took a big gulp of her juice, finishing it and put the glass in the sink.

“Well, Rupert said that William would be here around 2-ish so you have…two hours to get ready.” She said looking down at her watch again.

Buffy’s eyes widened. She hopped off the counter and rushed to the bathroom for her shower.

* * * * *

2 hours later, Buffy was up in her room picking out her favorite casual outfit. She was wearing her faded, low-rise, blue jeans, and her light pink baby doll shirt. She looked over herself in the long mirror, when the doorbell rang.

She ran out of her room. “I got it, I got it!” she yelled to her mom, who was just standing to answer the door. Buffy bit her lip with excitement. The last picture of William that was sent was when he was 15, and she was sure he had changed since then. She swung open the door, and launched herself into Spike’s arms.

Taken back a little, he staggered back a step, dropping his bag to wrap his arms around Buffy. They stood there, not moving from that position for a while, enjoying the feel of having their childhood friend so close again.

Joyce stood by the bottom of the steps, with a smile gracing her lips at the happy friends in front of her.

Finally, Buffy pulled away to get a look at him. “Will, you look great!” she ran her hand through his bleach blonde locks, tousling them a little. “Love the hair.” Nodding as she did so.

Spike held her at the waist looking over her. “Bloody hell, you’ve changed! Still tiny as ever, though.” He said with a smirk. He pulled her back into his arms for another hug. “God, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” Then Buffy frowned and pulled away, smacking him light on the chest. “You stopped calling.” She wanted to look and sound angry, but she could never be mad at William. He was her weak spot.

“I know, luv. I’m sorry…a lot of things were happening. But you won’t have to worry about that now, cause I’m not leavin’. I convinced dad to let me stay here.”

A genuine grin grew on Buffy’s face. And Spike returned it. He picked up his bag, and followed Buffy into the house.

Spike noticed Joyce standing there and gave her a warm hug. When Spike was ‘William’ he always looked at Joyce as a second mother, while his mom was living in England.

“It’s good to see you again, Joyce.” He greeted as he pulled out of the hug.

“It’s good to see you too. Um…the guest bedroom is all made up for you already.” She pointed up the stairs.

He gave her a nod and followed Buffy up the stairs. “So, you’re dad told me you go by Spike now. What’s that all about?” she turned to look at him at the top of the stairs, with a raise brow.

“It’s a nickname. A few of my soccer mates gave it to me.” Buffy smiled and walked into her room with Spike in tow.

Buffy walked over to her bed and plopped down in the middle with her legs crossed.

Spike looked over her room. It was the same for the most part, except instead of the walls being the bright bubble gum pink they were, they were now an earthy tan. Her bed was bigger, and had a less ‘little girl’ and more ‘young woman’ feel to it.

He dropped his bag down, and walked over to the bed and sat beside her.

“So, Spike…how was England? Any hotties?” she asked flashing him a great big smile.

He chuckled. “There were a few chits. No-one permanent. You? You must have tons of blokes bangin’ down your door.”

Buffy scoffed and let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, no.” she looked down at her fidgeting hands. “Buffy isn’t so big with the date-age. I’ve got this thing, where somehow I always seem to screw it up.” Buffy looked back up at him and gave him a shy smile. “Maybe one or two guys, but it didn’t last. Which is okay, cause they weren’t exactly good boyfriends. I think I’m kinda a jerk-magnet.” She explained to him with a laugh.

Spike could tell that even though she was laughing, it was a touchy subject. He knew her all too well. Quickly, he changed the subject.

“So…where’s your dad?”

“Have no idea.” Spike shot her a look of confusion. Urging Buffy to continue. “He left…when I was 14. Haven’t seen him since.” She hung her head, not wanting Spike to see her unshed tears.

* * * * *

4 years ago

At 11:30 at night, Buffy sat on her windowsill, looking down into her driveway. She watched her dad, angrily throw his suitcase and duffel bag in the trunk of his red corvette, then slam it shut. She observed as he briskly walked to the driver’s side and got in the car.

Revving the engine, he pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street. Buffy let quiet sobs rack through her body.

Looking down at the cordless phone she held in her hand, she turned it on and dialed a memorable number.

“Willow…I don’t think he’s coming back this time.” She told her friend, her voice strained by the lump in her throat, letting the tears fall.

* * * * *

Present Day

“Buffy I’m so sorry.” Spike hooked his finger under her chin and met her gaze. He wiped away a lone tear that traced her cheek. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s alright. I really wished you were, though. It would have made it a hell of a lot easier.” Buffy turned her head, and looked at the window that looked down to her driveway. “I sat by that window all night waiting for him to come back. He’s left before that…but he always came back early the next morning. But that night, he didn’t. I cried for weeks, trying to convince myself that he’d be back…blaming everyone including myself for him leaving.” Silent tears dripped from her bright green orbs. “He didn’t even say goodbye…he just…left.” Her voice turned soft and hurt.

Spike embraced her in a comforting hug that only William could give her. He murmured comforting words in her ear to calm her. She snuggled into his warm arms, small sniffles escaping her nose. Spike ran a soothing hand over her hair, causing her to stop crying and even her breathing.

Spike pulled away slowly, and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. She gave him a small smile, and took in a cleansing breath. She wiped her eyes, pushing her feelings about her dad aside; she made a suggestion to lighten up the mood. “So…how’s ‘bout we go out tonight? We can go to the Bronze! It’s the best club in Sunnydale. Well actually the only club in Sunnydale, but it’s the best nonetheless.” She was already starting to get excited.

“Sounds great, luv.” Marveling at her instant mood change.

Buffy let out an enthused squeal, bouncing on the bed slightly. “I can finally show you off to all my friends! Yay!” she leaped off the bed, and planted a firm kiss to the top of his head then ruffled his curls. “Come on, I’ll show you your room.” She called over her shoulder as she picked up his bag and walked out of her room.

Spike smiled widely at his energetic friend, noting that she hadn’t changed a bit. He stood up and followed her to the room one door down.

a/n: that's the first chapter for ya. this story is already finished so you won't really have to worry about late updates...please review!!!

Chapter 2: It’s You

Walking into the Bronze later that night, Buffy searched the crowd for her friends. She smiled when she spotted them, and grabbed his hand.

“Come on. I found them.” She told Spike over the music.

Spike looked around at they other teens in the club, drinking, dancing and chatting with their friends. Usually he would be uncomfortable being in a place he wasn’t that familiar with. It was probably the fact that his best friend was there, holding his hand. He had always felt safe around her. She soothed him in a way no one else could.

She dragged him through the throng of people to a table with two girls and one guy.

“Hey guys! What’s the what?” she asked brightly, still holding Spike’s hand.

“Not much, Buff…who’s the hottie?” Cordelia eyed Spike, looking him up and down with a seductive brow raised.

Xander and Willow just looked at her expectantly.

“Oh! Everyone, this is Spike…my best friend since I was…what 5?” she looked up at Spike questionably.

“Yeah that sounds about right, pet.” He said smiling down at her.

Everyone exchanged his or her ‘hellos’ to him and he reciprocated.

Cordelia rested her chin on her fist, and looked at him as she spoke to Buffy. “Is he…free?” she flashed a sexy smile at him.

Spike was about to respond when, Buffy cut in. “Not really.” She replied flashing a small smile to her friend.

Spike looked down at her with furrowed brows, but didn’t question her. Buffy sat down next to Willow in the booth and Spike sat next to her.

“Well in that case…” she asked pulling Xander up out of the booth and onto the dance floor.

Once the crowd swallowed them, Willow spoke up.

“So…you two are…together?” she asked with a smile.

“Um, no.” Buffy answered nervously.

“Well why’d ya tell Cordy that you were?” she responded with wide eyes.

“Yeah, pet, what was that all about?”

Buffy looked at the two people staring at her. “Whoa, why am I getting the third degree here?” she sighed when the two noticed that she was trying to change the subject. “Willow you know Cordy. She’s a major heartbreaker! You saw what she did to Larry…he turned gay because of her!” she said the last part a little to loud, and started blushing when a few people looked over at her. She turned to Spike and continued. “I just didn’t want her to gut you. Trust me, I’m helping you out.” That was part of the reason she didn’t want him and Cordelia hooking up, but the other part was…jealous? She shook it off.

Spike didn’t say anything, but silently thanked her with a smile.

Changing the subject Buffy looked over at Willow. “So Wills…see any cuties? Other than the one sitting across from you.” She said with a sweet smile.

Willow let out a small giggle. “Other than that one nope, not yet.”

Whispered into Buffy’s ear but loud enough for Willow to hear. “Red thinks I’m cute.” A smirk graced his lips.

Buffy and Willow couldn’t hold in their laughter for very long. Buffy laughed so hard her eyes started to water. Once she calmed down she put a hand on his arm.

“Spike…Willow plays for the other team. The ‘cutie’ across from her, is me.” she pointed to herself proudly, and chuckled at the embarrassed look he had on his face.

“You got some new competition in this town, Spikey!!” Willow chirped with a wide smile.

“Oh yeah. She can be very persuasive! She’s got women from left, right and center. You might just have a hard time findin’ one here.” She said jokingly.

“Really now…you saying that I can’t be persuasive? You haven’t seen me in a while, pet. I can be extremely persuasive.” He pronounced the last word slowly and seductively, right by her ear.

Buffy could feel his warm breath on her ear, and neck. A tingle shot through her body, making the little hairs on her neck to stand up. Oh God, Buffy. Stop…this is Spike…William, your best friend. No more tingles. Wow, that was really hot! Damn it! Buffy restrained herself from smacking her palm to her forehead. She shook away the feelings, and tried to ignore his comment.

Willow noticed the look on both of their faces at that moment. She could so tell that Buffy was getting hair-stand-up-y, by the small action. She smiled to herself knowing that somethin’ was a-brewin’.

A slow song came on and Willow jumped up from her seat. “Ooh. Slow song…I’m gunna find myself a girlie!” she walked over to the bar, leaving the two alone and hoping they made there way to the dance floor.

There's always something
In the way

Buffy stood up and grabbed Spike’s hand. She had no idea when she had made that decision, of even why she made it. “Dance with me?” she asked with hopefully eyes.

“Of course, luv.” He walked her onto the dance floor, putting his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. For some reason it just felt so natural. Like they’ve been doing this for years.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest.

There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me
it's you

She missed these moments, when he would just hold her. Of course, when they were younger, it was way different. She didn’t get a bunch of butterflies then.

Sometimes ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
It's in you

It's all I know

Buffy looked up at Spike and was instantly comforted by his soft eyes. She remembered those blue eyes so well. They spoke volumes. She knew now why she didn’t want Cordy all over Spike. It was because she wanted to be all over Spike. I have a crush on my best friend? No…this is no good. Nothing good will come of it. She pushed her thoughts away and just enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down
Not in me
But in you
In you

Buffy could feel him making small circles with his thumb on her lower back. She let out a content sigh, and snuggled into his shoulder, feeling his tight muscles under her.

Spike was so happy that he was back. Seeing Buffy was the highlight of the last 8 years. Seeing the look on her face when she opened the door. He missed it. He missed her. He knew it was going to be hard to explain some of the things that happened while he was in England, but that could wait. He rested his cheek on the top of her head, planted a lazy kiss there.

Buffy let the music wash over her, and she wondered what things would be like if she and him were together.

She thought back to earlier that day, before they went to the club. Her mom went out and they had the whole place to themselves. They ordered a pizza, (Italian sausage with extra cheese…their favorite) and watched a movie, all cuddled together. She thought when they saw each other again they would have to start over. Get use to each other again. But they just picked up where they left off, if not, way farther ahead.

I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
It's you
It's all I know

When the song ended they stood there for a moment looking at each other, before walking back to the booth. Oh dear, I’m in a wee bit of trouble. Buffy thought.

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here's chapter 3 and 4 for you--


Chapter 3: Looking Back

Buffy was in her room, lying on her stomach on her floor. She flipped through the photo album that she got her mother to put together for her so many years ago. She looked at the cover that read ‘Best Friends Forever’ that she had written in red crayon. The E’s written backwards.

A smile grew on her lips at the sight of her childhood writing. Flipping the page, she saw the first picture was of William standing there, smiling big for the camera as Buffy kissed his cheek. She remembered that was his sixth birthday in her backyard.

Right after that picture was taken, William chased a screaming and giggling Buffy around the house.

* * * * *

William’s Birthday Sixth Party

William stood in front of a giddy Buffy. He looked down at her with narrow eyes.

“Ew, you kissed me!” William made a face.

“I told you I would give you something gross for you’re birthday!” she said chewing soundly on her blueberry flavored bubble gum.

“Well I though, it was gunna be like a toad, or a worm farm.” William replied clearly embarrassed and blushing by Buffy’s gift.

“Eww.” Buffy scrunched up her nose with disgust. Buffy stepped closer. “Here, let me wipe off the cooties.” she said mockingly. She lifted her hand and wiped his cheek…then quickly kissed him again and ran up the stairs, turning around to look down at him and sticking her tongue out at him, giggling as he ran after her again.

* * * * *

Buffy smiled and shook her head at the sweet memories.

Flipping to the next page she saw a bunch of pictures of her and William at the beach, splashing and having chicken fights with Buffy’s parents. That’s when her parents were happy together, of course. Looking back at picture everything fell down so fast that she didn’t even see it wobbling to begin with.

She sighed and continued looking through the book. She didn’t even know that half of these pictures were taken.

Looking at these pictures, she noticed just how close she was to Spike then. That’s when she realized it. Crushing on Spike didn’t just happen recently. She always has, she just didn’t know it. She felt stupid as hell for not realizing it earlier.

Buffy heard a faint knock on the door, and jumped up and turned off her radio before opening it. A big smile grew on her face when she was met with a smirking Spike.

“Hello, luv. Whatcha doin in here all in your lonesome?” Buffy moved out of the way so he could come in and resumed her position on the floor, patting the spot beside her.

“Taking a stroll along memory lane. Come sit.” She flipped the page once again, and giggled with embarrassment, burying her face in her hands. “Oh my God I didn’t even know she took that picture.”

Five year old Buffy and William were sitting in a bathtub full of bubbles in their bathing suits. Buffy had a hand full of bubbles and blew them off her hand at him.

Spike let out a small chuckled and nudged Buffy playfully. “We didn’t get out of that tub until are fingers were pruned. You balled when you’re mom pulled you out.”

“Yeah, and you put up a fit when your dad said you had to go home. And wasn’t that the day you gave me Mr. Gordo?” she looked at him, knowing the answer already but waiting to hear just how much he remembered.

“Yes! I loved that thing to death. But when I saw the way you looked at it-like it was the most fascinating thing you’ve ever seen-I had to give it to you. You still have it?” Buffy jumped up without a word, causing Spike to frown slightly, and then smile when he saw the pink, plush pig.

“I can’t believe you still have it!” Spike jumped up and watched her pick it up from her bed, where it had sat right in between her pillows.

“Are you kidding!? I haven’t been able to part with it.” She hugged it close to her chest. “It reminds me of you. Besides the pictures, this is the only thing of yours that I have.” Spike smiled warmly, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“I’ll be right back, alright kitten?” He turned and walked out of her room.

Buffy let out the breath she was holding ever since his lips touched her forehead. She smiled widely at the new nickname, and plopped onto her bed.

Shortly after he left, he came back in. Buffy noted he was holding a blue blanket with pink square patches. Her eyes widened when she realized whose it was.

“When I got to England, I started unpacking, and found this.” He extended it out in his arms, showing Buffy the small napping blanket. “My dad must have thought it was mine…although, pink? Not really my color.”

Buffy had tears in her eyes, as she reached out to touch the soft wool fabric. “Oh my God…I brought this over the night before you left.”

* * * * *
Flashback

Once Buffy was sure everyone was asleep, she threw the covers off her legs and quietly got out of bed. Due to the cold Buffy grabbed her blanket and put on her runners before climbing out her window.

She took one last look at her house before she ran three houses down. She looked up at the tree that led to William’s room, that she had climbed millions of times before. Taking a deep breath, she started up, remembering every right step to take.

Once she got to the top, she tapped lightly on the door, waiting for him to open up for her. Finally he got out of the bed, and opened the window, a little surprised to see his friend standing there, her blanket wrapped tightly around her.

“It’s about time. I’m cold.” She stepped into the room and hugged William tightly.

When they pulled back she noticed the tears in his eyes. Buffy’s welled up as well, as she hugged him again.

“What are you doing here, Buffy, you’ll get in trouble.” William whispered walking her back over to his bed.

“I’m running away. I’m going with you…I’ll hide in your suitcase.” Buffy was dead serious, but it seemed to be funny to William.

“You can’t do that, Buffy. You’d never fit.” He claimed laughing.

Buffy sat down beside him, and gave him her best pout. “What am I suppose to do without you? You’re my best friend Will. My life will be boring when you’re gone.”

“It will only be for a year or two…I’ll still be your best friend when I come back, won’t I?” William asked worried that she would find some other bloke to be her best friend.

“Of course you will. We’ll be best friends forever. I promise.”

End Flashback

* * * * *

“So what ever happened to a couple of years, Spike? You should have been back a long time ago…what was the hold up?” Buffy asked sitting on the floor crossed legged, with Spike sitting the same way across from her.

“Oh, um.” Spike wracked his mind for a buyable answer, anything other than the truth. God he hated lying to her. “Dad wanted me to finish school there, said I could come back after graduation.”

“Oh…and here I thought you were just avoiding me.” She replied with a joking tone and smirk.

“I would never do that.” He paused and looked down at the book in front of them. “I guess we need to catch up on some photo taking, hey, pet?” he flipped to the back where there were a bunch of blank pages. “8 years worth of pictures to take.”

“Yeah…new memories to capture. I’m so glad you’re back. I missed to hell out of you. I hope you never leave me again.” She threw herself into his arms, and buried her face in his shoulder.

Spike closed his eyes, letting a lone tear roll down his cheek. He opened them and frowned, letting out a deep sigh.

He didn’t want to leave her either.

Chapter 4: Take a God Damn Hint!

It’s been two days since Spike arrived at Buffy’s house, and this crush was killing her. She hated that he was living under the same roof as her while she was feeling this way for him.

Not two seconds ago, was it that Buffy was walking out of her room, only to see Spike dripping wet and walking back to his room, towel hung low on his hips.

Her eyes widened and she ran back into the room and slammed the door shut, before he could see her.

She couldn’t do this…if he was going to prance around in nothing but a towel, then she would too. She had a little plan, and it involved pulling out her shortest skirts and skimpiest tops.

An evil grin grew on her lips, as she walked over to her closet. She threw on her short jean skirt that was fraid at the hem. Putting on her, stomach-baring, baby blue tube top, that clung perfectly to her breasts, and other curves. Slipping on her matching baby blue flip-flops, she turned to look at herself in the long mirror.

Buffy quickly fixed her make-up, and combed out her long golden hair. She let it hang on her shoulders, applying a little bit of clear lip-gloss, and giving mirror Buffy a dazzling smile before skipping out of her room and down the stairs.

She noticed Spike sitting on the couch in his black jeans and black beater. She refrained herself from letting out a dreamy sigh at the sight of his well-defined arms.

“Hey, Spike…how’s it goin?” Buffy tried to keep her cool, as she walked around the coffee table in front of the TV; her hip popped to the left, her bare leg stretched to the side.

“Good, just watching some old-fashion telly…until you walked right in front of it.” He flashed her a smirk. “Buffy, I miss you…but you really need to move cause I’m watching the soccer game.” He added as he tried to look around her.

Buffy let out a small huff accompanied with a frown as she crossed her arms and stomped her way, angrily up the stairs.

She went up to her room and threw herself onto her bed, and pouted. Why wasn’t it working?!? She was standing all sexy in front of him, wearing her skimpiest outfit. Argh this is so frustrating! Why was he being so blind? God what an idiot!

Buffy sat up straight, her face lighting up with an idea. It was time for ‘Plan B’, and there was no way in hell this wasn’t going to work.

She picked up her phone and a phone book, and dialed the specific number she was looking for.

After about 20 minutes, the doorbell rang. “Showtime.” Buffy said to herself, as she got off the bed and stood at the top of the stairs. “Spike, could you get that?”

Spike stood up with his eyes still on the game, as he pulled open the door.

“Buffy Summers?” the man at the door said.

“Noooo…who are you?” Spike answered slowly, looking over the guy in front of him.

The man reached for the big bouquet of flowers that he placed on the porch bench. “These were sent to a Buffy Summers…will you sign, sir?” he asked holding out the pen and clipboard to Spike.

Spike was about to take it, when Buffy chose that time to bounce down the stairs and grab the said pen and clipboard. “I’ll sign…I’m Buffy Summers.” She jotted down her signature, and took the bouquet. “Does it say who they were from?” knowing full well the fake name she gave to the guy on the phone.

“From…Josh.” He read the little card shoved in the wrapping. “Lucky guy.” Buffy shot him a smile before the delivery guy turned and walked away.

Buffy closed the door, and walked around Spike, ignoring him completely, as she raised the assorted flowers to her nose, closing her eyes as she inhaled the beautiful scents it gave off.

“So…whose Josh?” Spike frowned at his name…for some reason he didn’t like this.

“This really sweet guy from school.” Buffy walked into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase.

Spike followed after her, sitting at the island. Buffy had her back turned to him, as she stood by the sink, filling up the vase. “Sounds like a really big ponce if you ask me.” Spike used the word ‘really’ the same way she did.

Buffy let a small smile light up her face. It was working…she knew it! In her head, she did her victory dance (Think of Chandler’s happy dance from ‘Friends’).

“Well, he’s a great guy, and I think it’s sweet when a guy sends you flowers.” She placed the flowers in the vase and put them in the island as she sat down across from him.

“Well, I think it’s just a great big cliché…anyways, looks like Buffy will be dateable after all. This guy better be as good as you say he is; you don’t deserve anything other than the best.” Spike gave her a friendly smile, and then walked back into the living room to finish watching the game.

As soon as he was out of sight, Buffy dropped her head, letting it smack on the tile. Guess it didn’t work out as well as I thought…*mental sigh* I’ll take a little break…then go onto ‘Plan C’. She really hoped that she didn’t get through the whole alphabet until one of her plans worked.

She went back up to her room and called Willow.

“Hello?”

“Wills, I’m in the biggest rut of my life!” Buffy knew she was over exaggerating a little bit, but she wasn’t that far off…this sucked ass!

“What happened? Is everything okay?” Willow sounded concerned, but Buffy didn’t catch on, she was too wrapped up in what she was about to say, to notice.

“No Willow, nothing’s okay!” She started whispering not wanting Spike to hear what she was about to say. “I just realized the massive crush that I have on Spike, and it’s really doing a number on me. I mean he’s walking around dripping wet in a towel, showing off his extremely sexy arms…” she trailed off looking back to earlier that day. She stood up, and peered out her door just to make sure he wasn’t out there. She quickly shut the door and went back to her bed. She continued in a soft whisper. “Then...today, I put on my most skanky, yet, cute outfit, and he was too busy watching Manchester United to even get a good look at me. After that, I called my good friends at ‘Flowers for You’, and sent myself this amazing bouquet of flowers. At first I thought it was working, then he told me: ‘Josh better be as good as you say he is’ and walked away.”

“Josh?” Willow finally spoke on the other line, clearly confused.

Buffy completely ignored her, and continued her rant. “Like what is wrong with him?!” she asked no one in particular with a harsh whisper. “Can’t he take a God damn hint!? And he can’t just walk around here, wearing those tight shirts that cling to his chest, showing off his tight muscles, cause it’s very distracting! Gawd, I nearly pissed my pants went I saw him come out of the shower.”

“Buff-”

“And I don’t even know how long he’s going to be staying here…I don’t know how much I can take, ya know?”

“Buff-”

“What if he doesn’t leave till the end of the summer?” Buffy gasped. “What if he just doesn’t leave? What if I’m stuck watching him and his sexy ass strut around my house all the time, like, until I move out? Oh no…this is-oh no.” Buffy panicked, almost until she hyperventilated as she paced her room nervously. She loved having him around but seeing Spike, with all the feelings she contained for him, was maybe just a wee too much for her to handle.

“BUFFY!” Willow yelled on the other end, cutting her rambles short. “Can you stop with the ‘what ifs’ and listen to me?” Buffy was quiet waiting for her friend to continue. “Maybe you should get him to notice your feelings for him, and not just notice you. Spike has already noticed you…you need to do things to make him see how you feel about him.”

Willow was so right. Buffy and Spike had been friends for years, he already knew her, and he must have noticed her when he first showed up, if not then than at The Bronze.

“You mean…flirt with him shamelessly? I can do that…that’s easy! I’ve been doing that for years and it hasn’t failed once! Thanks Wills, I owe ya!” with that she hung up the phone, and walked down the stairs.

Spike was still sitting on the couch watching the game intensely. Buffy walked around the coffee table and sat next to Spike. She boldly leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. It didn’t seem like a flirting gesture at all, because they had always done this when they were younger, but she loved the feeling she had at that moment.

Spike put his arm around her shoulder keeping her settled there. Buffy relished at the fact she was so close to him. But yet, she was still so far away. She tried to ignore the butterflies in her tummy as she attempted to talk.

“So what’s the score?” Buffy’s voice wavered a bit.

“2-0, Manchester.” Spike kept his eyes on the TV, as he answered.

“Oh…and who are they playing again?”

“Charlton Athletic. And since when are you interested in European football?” he looked down at her and raised an eyebrow.

“What? I watch it all the time…I love it even.” Buffy didn’t know shit about soccer period. So she was completely dumbfounded when he asked his next question.

“So what position does Christiano Ronaldo play?” He knew for a fact that she wouldn’t get it, but he wanted to see what she would say.

Buffy couldn’t say anything. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish, trying to spit out any answer…but she couldn’t.

“Exactly.” She gave him a conquered pout. “Do you know just how adorable you are when you do that?” he shook his head and tapped her nose with his index finger. He turned his eyes back to the game, as Buffy smiled big. Maybe this was working after all. “It’s a Striker.”

“What’s a huh?” utterly confused, Buffy turned her head to look at Spike.

He lightly chuckled. “The position he plays is a Striker…if you’re gunna be ‘a fan’, I though you’d oughta know.” He air quoted.

Buffy let out a silent giggle and went back to watching to game.

* * * * *

Throughout the day, until her mom got home from work, Buffy continued to flirt discreetly. Being bold would only scare him off. She’d flash him dazzling smiles when necessary, and laugh at his jokes. She continued to cuddle with him on the couch while they watched TV, and she’d bare her nicely bronzed legs when she could, without making herself look too obvious.

Spike must have thought that she was just being Buffy, and missing him, because he didn’t precede much on her actions. When he did, she knew it was just him doing the ‘best friend’ thing.

Clearly, ‘Plan C’ wasn’t working out very well. She’d have to move to ‘Plan D’ she had no idea what it was yet, but she would think of something. Spike was hard to crack. She still had to break through that friendship barrier if she wanted this to work…she needed to talk to Willow. She would know exactly what to do. But for now she was going to wait it out for the rest of the day, and enjoy the feeling of being embraced by him.


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Chapter 5: Jealously Overrules All

The gang had planned to go to the Bronze the next night, and ‘Plan D’ hadn’t been put in motion yet. She had no idea what she was going to do…it never took her this long to get a guy’s attention.

She didn’t mean to be a megalomaniac but, pretty much all she had to do was walk past them and she would have them wrapped around her finger…but she would never really get herself involved, afraid of things getting too serious. But she wanted this…she wanted things to get serious with Spike, because he was her best friend and no one knew her better than he did, even though he was gone for so long.

The two strolled in together, and walked over to their usual spot by the dance floor. Sitting down, Buffy noticed Willow give her a hopeful look, as if to ask: ‘Did he go for it?’ Buffy shook her head ‘no’ discreetly and sat down across from her.

Willow, Buffy, and Cordelia all danced their hearts out, while Xander and Spike had a little manly bonding time. An hour or so later, the girls came back, breathing heavily after the series of fast songs.

Buffy plopped down in her chair, flicking her hair out of her face. She glanced over at Spike with a smile. “Can you get me a drink, Spike? Dehydration is about to occur.” Spike stood up with a nod and a smile, as he headed up to the bar.

Buffy watched as he walked over, getting lost in the crowd of people. She whipped her head around to her friends and leaned onto the table. “You wouldn’t believe the body on that one. Yum!” Her face was lit with excitement. Xander, gave a knowing nod, and pushed his chair back.

“Girl talk. I get it…I’m just gunna…yeah.” Xander stood up and walked over to the dance floor, after spotting an old friend.

“Oh, I can believe it…damn, he is total drool-worthy material, lemme tell ya.” Cordy responded looking to the side of Buffy, getting a good look of the bleach blonde in question.

“Well, did Spike go for the ‘shameless flirting’?” Willow asked with hopeful eyes.

“Nope. I think he just thought it was just two best friends cuddling. I mean I’ve pretty much tried everything, and he still doesn’t get it.” Buffy dropped her head to the table.

“Did you prance around in you skimpiest outfit and send yourself flowers?” Cordy asked popping a fry in her mouth.

“Ye-huh!” she replied lifting up her head. A frown drew her brows together. “What’s taking him so long, I need a drink! Alcohol will make this better…maybe.” Buffy dropped her head into her folded arms on the table.

“Um…I think I know what’s takin him so long.” Cordy said with wide eyes, looking past Buffy.

“What?”

“Harmony.” Buffy whipped around to see Harmony running her finger down his chest, and flashing him a suggestive grin.

“Argh! What a skank! I can’t believe her; this is the second time she’s done this. First Riley now him! My God, what’s her deal? It’s like she gets a kick out of stealing people from me!” Buffy let out a frustrated groan.

She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want Spike to fall for Harmony and her seductive way of getting him into her bed…or wherever else she found comfortable. If he was smart he wouldn’t, right? He’d notice Harmony was just some slut that would sleep with any sweet piece of ass-really sweet piece of ass by the way- she could get her hands on…

“I don’t know what to do guys…I mean look at that big fat ho bag, putting her hands all over him!” Buffy flung her arm in Harmony’s direction, but didn’t dare look at her.

“You are so jealous.” Cordy stated with a knowing look.

“Your point exactly?” Buffy shot her an annoyed look for telling her something she didn’t want to admit.

“Make him feel your pain.” She matter-of-factly replied with a shrug. Buffy and Willow waited for her to continue. “Get that cute but of yours on that dance floor, and find yourself a little boy-toy. Trust me, walk around with a hot piece of arm candy and he’ll want exactly what he can’t have. Common knowledge.” Cordelia started looking around for Buffy’s plaything for the night. “Look at that big hunk of salty goodness. God if I wasn’t helping you out right now, I’d snatch him up myself.”

Buffy swung around in her chair, and saw the tall, dark headed man walk into the Bronze. He was most definitely a cutie, but she preferred ones of the bleach-headed sorts. Actually, she never really went for blondes…but Spike was just special. Shaking away her thoughts, she turned back to her friends.

“He’s…okay.” She said with a shrug.

“Okay? Okay!? Honey, he’s more than okay! Now go…make your move, and be sure Bleach boy sees it. But don’t be obvious.” Cordy advised pointedly as Buffy stood up and slowly made her way to the man who was now walking to the bar…opposite Spike, thank God!

Buffy took a deep breath and put her confidence face on, and sat on the stool right beside him. She flashed him a bright smile and looked over at the bartender.

He wiped up the spilt liquid on the counter in front of her, and gave her a smile. “Buffy! I haven’t seen you in a while…what would ya like?” he rested his palms on the counter, and gave her an intense look.

It was palpable that he liked her, but she had told him time and time again that it wasn’t going to happen.

“Hey Ford. A beer…be lenient, please, I forgot my wallet at home.” Buffy really had her wallet in her purse…but he didn’t need to know that. She wanted to see if the hottie next to her would fix her little problem. She knew Ford, and he wasn’t going to cave this time.

She gave him wide innocent eyes that he could never turn down. But he told her ‘not to worry about it’ every time she came here, even if she was going to pay. That’s what almost got him fired.

“I dunno Buff…” his eyes narrowed thinking about it. He was about to respond, when a big hand slid a 5-dollar bill to him. He took the bill and started getting her beer.

“I got it.” His eyes were on Buffy while he spoke. “I’m Angel.” He flashed a bright grin, and stuck out his hand.

Oh yeah…works every time. Buffy stuck out her hand and shook his slowly, a dazzling smile on her face. “Buffy. Thanks, by the way. You really didn’t have to.”

“Not a problem.” He looked at Ford as he popped the cap, and slid her the bottle, giving him a slight nod.

Buffy took a short sip, looking at him over the bottom of the bottle. “So you from around here?”

“Uh, no, actually, L.A. just came here for a break from the city. What about you?”

“Yeah…I’m a Sunnydale local.” She stated with fake enthusiasm. “Not exactly Fun Town, but it’s home.” She took another sip.

“I like it here. It’s quiet.” He took in the loud scene around him and frowned. “Well, quieter.” He corrected with a chuckle. Buffy laughed along with him, when one of her favorite fast songs came on.

She quickly glanced over at Spike and Harmony (who she had a good view of) and noticed they were on their way to the table.

Buffy thought fast. “You wanna dance?” she tilted her head to the side and waited for an answer.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” He stood with her, and she picked up her beer.

She figured, she’d beat Spike to the table, drop her beer off quickly, before dancing with Angel. Just her little way of telling them: Phase 1 of ‘Plan D’ has been completed.

As Buffy placed her beer on the table, Cordy smiled and raised an eyebrow, curious as to what was to happen next. Willow just smiled with wide eyes. Cordy shook her head and chuckled silently at how well her blonde friend played this little game of ‘I Just Want What I Can’t Have’…little did she know that Buffy wasn’t playing a game.

Buffy swayed with him on the dance floor. She stuck an individual leg outside of one of his, and the other one on the inside, and grinded with him to the beat of the music. Yeah he was attractive, but she didn’t get that feeling she got with Spike when she danced with him. This was strictly to make Spike jealous.

* * * * *

Spike walked over to the table, Harmony clinging to his arm gallingly. She wouldn’t stop all night. At first he thought it was nice to have someone want to touch him all the time but now, he was starting to get irritated.

“Hey guys…” he looked at the table and noticed Buffy wasn’t at it. “Where’s Buffy?”

The two girls looked at each other and laughed, then turned to Spike again. Cordy straightened her face, and pointed to the spot of the floor where Buffy was dancing (if one would call it dancing) with Angel.

Spike paled. He didn’t even know his jaw was clenched until is started ticking, which didn’t go unnoticed by the brunette and redhead.

“Who’s that?” he asked slowly through gritted teeth, trying to rein his sudden burst of flaming anger, his eyes never leaving the couple on the floor.

“Oh, um…I really don’t know, you’d have to ask her.” Willow replied restraining a laugh.

“Trust me…I will.” His eyes narrowing on the ponce with his arms around her.

“And the million dollar question is: why do you care?” Cordelia asked completely intrigued.

“Well-it’s-I-she-” Spike stopped his flustered words, ignoring the girls pursing lips and just barely contained giggles, while taking in a deep breath. “She’s my best friend…I’m just lookin out for her, alright?” he let out a sigh. “I need a smoke.” He walked out of the club, Harmony hot on his heels.

The two friends laugh their asses off once he left; swimming in the fact that he was sooo jealous. Yeah, he was protecting her…but not just because she was his best friend.

* * * * *

When the song was over, Buffy made her way back to the table, while Angel went to the bathroom.

“Hey…what’s so funny?” Buffy asked still breathless from the dancing.

Cordy and Willow couldn’t stop laughing since he left.

“Spike saw you dancing with Mr. Man and got all stammery.” Willow stated with a wide smile.

“Yeah, but not before, the colossal surge of anger that nearly blew his top. Honey, he was so jealous, he practically reeked of it. Good job.” Cordy folded her arms and leaned back in her chair.

Buffy sat down, and smiled happily. “Really he was really jealous? That’s great! So, where did he go?”

“Oh, went outside for a smoke…you never told us he smoked.” Willow said looking at Buffy with raised brows.

“That’s cause I didn’t know. Will was so against smoking when we were younger. He yelled at my dad for it.” She finished with a laugh. “Hmm. I guess people do change after a long period of time.”

Angel walked back to the table and tapped Buffy on the shoulder. She turned around with a smile. “Hey, Angel…um these are my friends Cordelia and Willow.” She pointed them out as she spoke. “Guys, this is Angel.”

The girls greeted him, Cordy a little more than Willow.

“Um, look Buffy; I got to go…got an early morning, but um, I’ll be in town for a while if you’re interested.” Angel shoved his hands into the pockets of his black leather coat.

Buffy thought he was a nice guy, and so far, nothing was happening with Spike. Maybe he could get her mind off him for a while. Oh, what the fuck. She pulled a napkin from under Cordy’s plate of fries and asked him for a pen.

She jotted down her number, and handed it to him with an alluring smile. He bent down and placed a kiss on her cheek before heading out the door of the club, and brushing past Spike.

* * * * *

Spike saw the whole exchange. All from, him walking up behind her…to Buffy giving him her number… to the kiss on the cheek that made her blush.
Spike just had to size him up when he swept past him. The evil eye was a very light way of the look he was giving him. If looks could kill, tall, dark and dreary would be six feet under.

He stalked back to the table, after finally getting rid of that annoying, high pitch voice that clung to him.

He didn’t know what he was going to say when he got over there, but he didn’t like that fact the she was giving out her number to some bloke she just met.

I got to stop her from seein this guy…I don’t like him. His hands all over her…touching her like she’s his. Piffle. He doesn’t even come close to deservin’ her. Can’t she see that?! He’s just a big lug, lookin for a good roll and tumble under the sheets. He sighed slightly frustrated. Why am I making such a big deal out of this? Buffy can make whatever decisions she wants. I don’t rule her life…Spike frowned deep realizing something huge.

“I’m jealous.” He whispered to himself stopping dead in his tracks. He stared at her, laughing with her friends. “Who wouldn’t be?”

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Chapter 6: Slip Of The Tongue

It had been a week since the night at the Bronze, and Buffy and Spike had been trying to act indifferent about the events that night. Although Buffy and Angel weren’t dating, he would still call her and they would hook up every once in a while.

Buffy had told him that they would be better off as just friends, than anything more, and he completely agreed. But Spike didn’t have to know that.

* * * * *

A few of the times that Angel had called the house, and Spike had answered, he could feel his blood boil at the git’s voice. He could here Buffy giggling on the phone up in her room, and making plans for him to come over.

He didn’t want to sit around here while they did God knows what in her room.

Once Buffy got off the phone, Spike jumped off the couch, grabbed his duster, and yelled up the stair to Buffy telling her he was going out…and not to wait up. Yeah…like she would, you wanker! She’ll be up, but not thinkin of the likes of you…too busy shagging Mr. Broody. Spike let out a huff, and slammed the door behind him.

He didn’t know where he was going to go…but he found a drink was in order. So he found himself walking in the direction of The Bronze.

* * * * *

Buffy really wished Spike wasn’t out. She kinda thought they could have a talk. For some reason he was being all distant towards her now and she really didn’t like it. She figured she would put some time aside soon to spend some alone time with him. She was missing it; there was no doubt about that. She just didn’t want him running away scared. Yeah, Cordy and Willow said that he was jealous…but they could have easily misinterpreted it. He could have been looking out for her in the big brother way he always has.

Sighing deeply, she fixed up the house before Angel came to pick her up. He told her he was going to take her out for a drink before he had to go back to L.A., his way of saying goodbye, and she’s been a good friend over the past week.

* * * * *

About an hour and a half later, Buffy and Angel sat at the bar in The Bronze. The two told each other they’d keep in touch, and to call whenever they found themselves in each other’s towns.

Angel had offered her a ride home, but she had declined and told him she could use the fresh air, and the walk. He was a little uneasy about it, not wanting her to be out walking around at this time of night, but respected her wishes.

Buffy stepped out of the club and into the cool summer breeze of the back alley. She thought she was alone when she heard a giggle from behind her.

She knew that giggle. It was Harmony. Wonder what man-slut she has her hands on tonight?

She turned around just out of her curiosity. She saw a bleach blonde smiling down at her, running his hand down her arm.

Her eyes widened as her heart clenched. That was the last person she suspected. The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“Spike?!” the two blondes looked over at her, like deer caught in headlights. “You’re the ‘man-slut’?!”

Spike gave her a confused frown, then pulled away from Harmony. He quietly told her that he’d talk to her later, and she headed back into the club.

Buffy just stared at him as he stepped closer to her. She forced herself not to cry at the sight she had just seen. It hurt…she felt like her whole body was set on fire, and she couldn’t do anything but let it consume her.

“Buffy…what are you doing here? I thought tall, dark and broody was comin over, for a lil grunt work.” His jaw was clenched at his own words. You ponce, only hurtin yourself.

Buffy looked at him incredulously. “What!? Spike what would make you-” she stopped herself knowing full well that she had lead him to believe they were together. “Angel and I aren’t together.” She said avoiding his gaze. “We’re just friends…he was leaving town, this was like a goodbye.”

“Well you surely didn’t look like friends on the dance floor last week.” His voice came out more bitter than he had expected.

Buffy couldn’t say anything, because she didn’t want to explain why she acted the way she did. They stood in silence for a while until Buffy spoke up.

“So you’re with Harmony now. Wow…that’s rich.” She said with a sour laugh. She crossed her arms over her chest feeling a sudden chill.

“What’s that suppose to mean, Buffy?” he was a little taken back by the harsh tone in her words.

“Oh, come on Spike. I know you’re not that blind.” Well obviously he is if he still hasn’t noticed you, Buff. “You’ve been here for what? Over two weeks, and you still haven’t noticed? Two days after I met Harmony I realized her pattern.” She paused letting the first bit sink in before she continued. “Harm’s a slut, okay…she’ll get her claws in you, and just when you think she’s gunna play nice…she rips them out.” she looked at him intensely, trying to get him to see her point.

“Who said I was looking for anything long term? What if I just want that ‘summer fling’, Buffy?” his voice had a tone almost as hard as hers.

She tried to stop the anger from rushing out of her…but to no avail.

“GAAAHH! Spike…don’t you understand what I’m trying to say?!” she asked, walking around him, so her back was to his. She ran her hand rapidly trough her hair. “Trust me Spi-”

Spike looked at her back, with narrow eyes. “What do you have against Harmony? Huh? Why do you have such a problem with me dating her?!”

Buffy flung around, her hair flipping with the momentum. “Because she’s not me!” she said in desperate cry. She didn’t even know she actually said them until she saw the look on his face.

Spike’s jaw had practically hit the floor. He didn’t know what to think right now.

She was shocked that she finally said it. She had wanted it to come out for a while now, but she never had the courage. But Spike had just made her mad enough then.

“Buffy-” Spike started but was cut off by Buffy’s raised hand.

“Don’t. Please. It’s really best if we didn’t…I got to go.” She kept her eyes on the ground, not daring to look up at him. She walked past him and started heading to the main street when she felt someone grab her arm. She stopped, but didn’t turn to look at him.

“Buffy, don’t pretend that that didn’t happen back there…” Spike pointed to the place that they were previously standing.

“I’m not pretending. I know what happened…I know what I said. And as much as I didn’t mean to say it like that…I wouldn’t take it back for the world.” Buffy fixated her eyes on a spot on the ground as she spoke. After a few moments of silence, Buffy blinked away her tears, letting them fall down her face. “You, um. You should go back in there…I’m sure Harmony’s waiting for you.” Her voice was soft but strained with pain.

It was then that Spike realized that he was still holding onto her arm. He let her go, watching as she walked off into the night.

He stood in the alley for a while, staring after her, trying to come to terms with what had just happened.

Apparently she was jealous of Harmony, just as he was jealous of that Angel bloke as she called him.

He walked to his car, and sat on the driver’s side. Both arms draped over the steering wheel, and he rested his forehead, on the back of his hands. He thought back to earlier in the week, and how close they were…now she wouldn’t even talk to him.

Wait one bloody minute. That’s why she was bein so close to me lately. All the times she was flirting with him and he figured she was just being playful, rushed into his mind. God, I’m such a git! Maybe I really am blind. He was pissed that he didn’t notice it earlier. It could have saved him a lot of energy.

This was starting to kill him. He liked her…it was a different feeling that he got when he was around her. Nothing like what it was like with the others. Especially Harmony. Yeah he knew her ways, but he just wanted to make her to be jealous. Apparently he already had. Now he felt really bad about it.

Then something else shoved its way through his brain. Fuck…I can’t be with her. The timing is all wrong. It would never work out. After everything in England…I got to talk to dad. He’ll know what to do.

Spike lifted his head up and started the car. Spike decided he’d drive around a bit before he’d go home. Give Buffy some time to be alone.

* * * * *

After about a 10 minute, slow-paced walk, Buffy had reached her house. She was happy that her mother was away for another couple of weeks for work. She headed up the stairs to her room, discarding her shoes and clothes on the way. Once in, she changed into her shorts and a tank top, and slipped under the covers.

She held Mr. Gordo tightly to her chest, crying softly, and letting her tears drop onto the plush. She felt like her heart was constricting, and being torn apart at the same time.

“This sucks.” She whined between sobs.

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Chapter 7: Figure It Out

Spike reached the house and stepped in quietly, noticing all the lights were off. He figured Buffy had already fallen asleep. He grabbed the cordless phone from the wall in the kitchen and brought it out to the back porch.

* * * * *

Buffy had heard Spike come in the door. She stayed quiet and still, not wanting him to know she was still up. The truth was, no matter how exhausted she was from crying, she couldn’t fall asleep.

She heard him step onto the back porch through the open bedroom window. She listen to the beeping of the buttons, and inaudibly climbed out of the bed and stood behind her curtain, so he couldn’t see her if he happened to glance her way.

“Hey, dad…I’m fine, I guess. No, no it’s not that…they’re good…well Joyce is. We just got in a fight that’s all…don’t really want to talk about it now…I haven’t told her yet…yes I know, dad, I’m still figuring things out! Dad, everything changed when I came out here. I-I like her, a lot…but when you think about it, it’s logical, right? I mean she knows me better than anyone…only one I can talk to. Seems right that she’s the only one I want to be with.” Spike waited a long pause. “So, you’re tellin’ me you knew this was gunna happen? Wow, I really feel like a daft ponce right now.” He said with a chuckle. “Alright, I better get going…I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Buffy stood there in complete shock. He liked her back? He liked her back! She let a big smile take over her face. She started doing a little happy dance around her bed, before hopping in it, when she heard Spike mount the stairs.

She closed her eyes, and cuddled into the blankets.

* * * * *

Spike hung up the phone and went back inside. Taking a deep breath, he went up the stairs and stopped at Buffy’s door. He slowly and carefully turned the knob, and looked inside. She looked beautiful…all snuggled in her bed. The small strip of moonlight shone through the curtain, and onto her face.

He could tell she was crying. Her nose was red, and tears had stained her cheeks. He felt horrible for being the one to make her cry. He was always the one to wipe away her tears. He made a vow to himself that he would fix things in the morning.

He closed her door, and headed back to his room.

* * * * *

Buffy finally let out the breath she was holding. She heard Spike walk into her room. Even though she paid attention to the conversation with his dad, she still didn’t want to talk to him…not yet. She sighed and willed herself to sleep.

* * * * *

The next morning, Buffy woke up to the bright summer light that shone into her room. She stretched and sighed, as she got out of the bed and padded into the washroom.

When she got there, Spike was already brushing his teeth. He turned to her and gave her a nod, and continued at his task.

Buffy greeted him with a brief, tight smile, then grabbed her toothbrush and started her morning routine.

The room was quiet. The only sound being the brushes along their teeth and the odd spit into the sink.

This silence was killing her. She forced herself to finish quickly and get out of there, before she went insane. Spiting on last time, she rinsed out her mouth and headed back into her room. She threw herself on the bed, and stared up at the ceiling. She found a great fascination with it for some reason…also it was keeping her mind off the sexy blonde that she was crushing on.

Finally she got up and put on a pair of baby blue, velour shorts, white flip-flops and a white tank top. She brushed out her hair, and put it up in a high ponytail. Buffy applied a small amount of make-up, a thin line of black eyeliner on the rim of her bottom eyelid, and clear lip-gloss to her full pink lips. She headed down the stairs and into the kitchen, to prepare her self something to eat.

She got out the cereal box and the milk and poured them both into a bowl. Sitting down, again in silence, she ate her food, trying not to cry from joy that she found out that he liked her back. Even though she knew this she was still not in the mood to talk to him…it was still too awkward. She just needed to keep her distance from him right now…just for a little while.

As if on queue, Spike walked in and sat down across from her. Spike was dressed in a pair of tan cargo shorts, matching tan Lugs and a tight black beater. He just sat there, looking down at the tile of the island, a look of concentration on his face. Buffy lifted her eyes from her bowl to look at him, chewing her spoonful slowly.

He looks so lost…what’s goin on in that head of yours Spike? She put her spoon down with a clank, and looked up at him, her hands folded in front of her.

“Okay…Spike. Look, I know that what I told you last night might have been too much…but it’s true, okay, I do like you. I got so busy with trying to make you jealous, and getting you to notice that…I didn’t realize the only way I should have done it was to tell you. Now I’ve gone and royally screwed things up in our friendship-”

“You didn’t.” Spike cut in. He looked up at her and grabbed her hand. “Buffy…you didn’t screw up anything okay? The truth is: I have feelings for you too, luv. And the whole ‘trying to make me jealous’ thing worked like a bloody charm. I hated seein you with another guy…then I realized: I wanna be ‘that guy’. And trust me, pet, I noticed. As soon as I walked through that door I noticed.”

Buffy had tears in her eyes and she couldn’t stop them from coming. “Will, you have no idea how badly I wanted to hear you say that.” She took a deep breath, to calm her nerves. “Spike, whatever happens between us…I want to stay friends, okay? You mean too much to me to end that.” Tears were freely falling from her eyes now, and dripping down her cheeks.

“I never doubted that for a second, pet.” He wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb. “But you need to know, that no matter what…I’ll always be here for you. Always.” He let his hand caress her cheek running his thumb lightly over her bottom lip, feeling the softness of it. “And if you let me…I’d like to do something for you.”

Buffy was in a complete state of shock. As soon as his thumb touched her lips the way he did she thought she’d been dreaming. “What kind of something?” she asked with wide eyes accompanied with a hopeful expression.

Spike gave her a soft smile. “A date kind of something.” The bright smile on her face told him it was a definite yes.

“Have you seen you?” she looked at him incredulously. “Of course I’d let you.” The two jumped up with absolute exhilaration, and launched into each other’s arms.

Holding her tightly to him, Spike ran his fingers through her hair softly. After a while he pulled away to look at her. “Alright luv. Head on upstairs and get ready. I want to make the most of this date.” He shot her a smirk and a kiss on the forehead.

“Today?! I thought maybe you’d give me a little bit of a notice.” Buffy didn’t mind at all, and she was happy that he was so eager to go out with her.

“I am. We leave in 20 minutes…now get that cute body of yours up there and get ready.” He said poking her stomach playfully.

Letting out a giggle Buffy replied. “Where are we going? I need to know what to wear.”

“It’s a surprise.” Spike looked over her quickly. “Second thought. Don’t bother.” Buffy looked up at him with a raised brow. “You look great! Come on lets go.” Spike grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the kitchen and into the entry.

Spike quickly grabbed his car keys, and pulled her out the front door.

* * * * *

About 10 minutes later, the two pulled up a gravel road. Buffy got out of the car with excitement. She looked around at her surroundings and then back at Spike.

“Oh my God, Spike. I didn’t think you’d ever remember this place.” She walked over to him and they walked to a nearby tree.

“How could I forget? This was our second home when we were kids.”

Spike had taken her to a secluded area, complete with a big willow tree, a little grassy field, and a clear miniature pond. They had always spent their mornings there, knowing that no one could find them in their secret spot. Spike would chase Buffy around the field until they couldn’t run anymore, and they collapse to the ground and watch the clouds move in the bright blue sky above them.

Buffy walked over to the pond and took off her flip-flops before placing her feet in the refreshing water. Spike did the same and leaned back on his palms. Buffy pulled her ponytail out, and laid her top half on the grass behind her.

“You know, I came here everyday for two years after you left…hoping that maybe you’d show up and things could be the way they use to. I stopped when I figured out that you weren’t coming back.” Buffy lolled her head to the side to look up at Spike.

He gazed over her, and noticed how beautiful she looked with her golden tresses splayed out around her face. Spike turned on his side and rested beside her in the grass. He played with a lock of her hair, twirling it around his finger. “I missed this place…I missed you.”

Buffy smiled up at him. “I missed you too. I have never had a friend quite like you, William Giles. Even if you were in a different country, it didn’t change anything. You were the one guy that I measured all others against…and none of them ever made the halfway mark.” Buffy reached up and cupped his chiseled cheek. “You were the special one…the one I placed up on a pedestal and held closer to my heart than anyone.”

Spike could see all the sincerity in her eyes, and couldn’t take it anymore. Spike leaned over and captured her lips with his. He wanted to do that ever since she told him that she liked him.

Buffy was a little surprised at first, but quickly adjusted. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him down to her, deepening the kiss. Spike weaved his hands through her hair, bringing her closer to him, loving the taste of her on his lips.

Buffy had been kissed before, but he made her feel like she hadn’t been. It was so passionate, so powerful that she thought not even the strongest forces could break the bond they were sharing. It was like he knew exactly what it was she liked, and was giving it to her selflessly.

After some time, Spike pulled back slowly, looking down on her with adoring eyes. Placing one last kiss on her lips, as he brushed her hair out of her face, and behind her ear. A smile graced his lips and he stood up slowly grabbing her hand, and pulled her up as well.

“Come on, luv…I wanna show you something.” He walked her over to the willow tree, and pushed past the long branches to get to the trunk. “I hope it’s still here.” he said walking around the trunk searching for the markings; Buffy’s hand still nestled in his large one. He stopped abruptly, and let his fingertips run over the carved and bumpy surface. “This is it. I got my dad to stop here one last time before we went to the airport. I borrowed his army knife and did this.” And there it was etched in the hard bark, was: ‘Buffy and William’ and right beneath it: ‘best friends 4ever’

That was the sweetest thing she had ever seen. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed it before. She went there everyday for two years.

Her hand went up the carved words, tracing them with her finger. She closed her eyes and let a tear slip down her cheek. Opening them, she looked over at Spike, and noticed that he was watching her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Spike marveled at the feel of her, and swallowed her in his embrace, and rested his cheek on top of her head.

She couldn’t believe how right this felt. Like everything was all in the right place. She loved him…she didn’t know how yet, if it was as a friend or more…but she did. And it felt good.

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Chapter 8: As Long As You Want Me

December 24, 1997 Christmas

10 year old Buffy and Spike, sat around the tree marveling at the sight of the presents that surrounded them.

Both of Buffy’s parents as well as her Grandparents sat on the couch drinking eggnog with William’s dad. The rest of William’s family was in England, so every year, the Summers’ had made it tradition for the two to come over and spend Christmas with them.

Hank watched the two kids, as he spoke to his wife. “Buffy’s not going to like the fact that he’s leaving.” He sipped on his eggnog, and sighed.

“Yes, I know. They’ve grown so close over the passed five years…I can just see the hurt look on her face when we tell her.” Joyce looked over at her husband with pleading eyes. “Do we have to tell her? She’s going to be crushed.” She glanced over at Giles. “When are you leaving again?”

Giles took off his glasses and gave them a good cleaning with the hem of his shirt. “A few days after New Years.” He looked over at his son, as he put the glasses back on his face. “I haven’t told him myself, yet. But it will only be for a couple of years…his grandmother is feeling sickly, and she wishes to spend time with him before she goes. It’ll also give him time to visit his roots…see where he grew up when he was a baby.”

“I’m sorry about your mother.” Hank said with a sympathetic face.

“Oh, not mine…Anne’s. We don’t know what it is yet, but we’re looking into it.” Giles trailed off, feeling a lump form in his throat. Even though Anne had left him, saying she couldn’t go to America with him, where at the time, Giles was offered a great job, he still cared about her and her mother.

“Well, when your two get back, everything can go back to the way they were.” Hank stated as he leaned back in the big chair with a smile.

Grams’ soft giggle stopped Joyce’s agreement. “No…things will be very different. I can feel it.” Buffy’s grandmother, Lena, had a way of knowing things before they happen. It wasn’t a ‘special gift’ that only extraordinary people get. No, she just saw things from a different perspective. She looked deeper than just what was seen to the naked eye. “Have you seen the way those two care for each other? He will come back older, and more mature. And she will see him differently, as will he.” She placed a hand on her son’s leg. “You’re little girl won’t be little forever, darling.” She said with a small chuckle.

* * * * *

A week later, Buffy and Spike walked through the door hand in hand, laughing from their good time together.

The two walked into the kitchen to see Joyce sitting at the island looking through the mail.

“Mom! What are you doing here?” she slowly dropped Spike’s hand, not exactly ready to tell her mother yet, thinking she might find it weird that her daughter was dating the man she thought of as a son.

“Hi, sweetie. We finished up early. Meetings didn’t take as long as I thought. Hello William.” She saw Buffy drop his hand and smiled inwardly. So Lena was right…I’m going to be getting an ‘I told you so’ later.

“Hello, Joyce.” He gave her a nod. “I’m gunna change for tonight…I’ll let you two catch up.” Spike walked back upstairs, giving Buffy a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before leaving the room.

“So, Buffy…what’s tonight?” she raised her eyebrow, knowing full well a date was probably what.

“Oh, um, yeah…Spike and I are going to the Bronze-but we’re meeting people there. It’s not like it’s a, you know a-” Buffy quickly covered. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t want to tell her mom yet, slightly worried about her reaction.

“Honey.” Joyce cut her off, stopping the ramble. “I’m not dim-witted. I know about you and William.” Buffy gave her a confused look. “You think I didn’t notice you holding hands with him when you walked in? You’re Grandmother was so right. Things would be different.” She smiled then looked back down at her mail.

Buffy came around and sat across from her mom. “I really like him mom. I mean after all this time who would have thought…it feels so right, you know? He makes me feel like I’m special, like all there is, is me…and he’s always been like that. And God, did he get hot or what?” she said with a smirk.

Both women shared a laugh. “Mom, what do you mean ‘Grandma Lena was right’?” she looked at her mother curiously. “What did she say?”

“Oh, on the Christmas before William left…she said everything was going to be different when he came back, and you’d see everything in a different light. It’s sweet…I think you to look like a very cute couple.” She answered nonchalantly.

“I think so too.” Spike said reappearing behind Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her close to him. Buffy smiled brightly at the feel of him. “Well, Xander and couple of his band buddies are doin ‘open-mic’ tonight and asked me to play with them. We should be headin’ out soon if we want to make it on time.”

Buffy turned around to look up at him with a surprised look on her face. “I didn’t know you were a performer. What do you play?” My boyfriend’s in a band! I’m gunna be such a groupie!

“I’m vocals. Had myself a band while I was in England.” Buffy gave him a brilliant smile before she stood up.

Buffy gave him a soft kiss on the lips and headed upstairs to change. “I’ll be right back.” She called over her shoulder.

* * * * *

Buffy had changed into her tight black leather pants, that hung low on her hips, and her black, backless top, which only had three thin strings holding it in the back. She wore her hair down with her side bangs pulled around and clipped in the back, her golden locks in perfect individual coils.

Spike had on a pair of black jeans, doc martins, a smoky gray button up shirt and his black leather duster to top it all off. They looked hot together when they walked into the Bronze. His arm lightly draped around her shoulder, and her hand weaved with his as it dangled. Her other arm was around his waist, under the duster, and making soothing patterns on his skin with her thumb. It felt so natural to be like this with each other.

They walked towards the stage to see Xander and his band buddies Gunn and Oz, setting up just off side the platform. Xander had called Spike earlier that day recalling the first time they met and told each other about their bands; telling him that their vocalist, Devon, had just bailed and needed someone short notice. Spike willingly agreed.

“Hey mate. Ready to rock the house?” He asked, with an excited smile.

“Yeah, I’m so glad you could show up.” Xander so consumed adjusting the strings on his guitar, tuning it to his liking that he didn’t even look up. “This is Gunn, and Oz…” Xander kept his head down as he nodded in the direction of his friends. They gave Spike a nod and he smiled back. “We go on in five so do whatever you must to prep and oh my merciful Zeus you’re makin out.” he finished off looking up at Spike, who was completely focused on one thing.

“Well that could be what he does to prep.” Oz pointed out, with a straight face.

Spike had his forehead pressed against Buffy’s caressing her cheek as he smiled down at her with intense blue eyes piercing into her soul. Buffy smiled back up at him and kissed him softly, before pulling away.

“Ahem. Ya done?” Xander asked, mocked hurt, by the fact he was just ignored. The two turned to him with shy smiles. “Hey Buff! I’m gunna have to steal you’re new make-out partner for a while. Hope you don’t mind.” He asked with a goofy smile.

“Nope, not at all. Shake the walls guys.” She gave Spike a wink as he walked over to the small group of guys. “Are Willow and Cordy here?” she looked around, over the people crowded on the dance floor.

“Yeah…saw em earlier…right over there.” Gunn pointed out the redhead and brunette that weren’t sitting to far from the dance floor.

“Thanks.” She said before heading over to her friends.

“Soo…” Xander started slowly. “You and the Buffster eh?” He looked over at Spike, who just smiled big and the sound of her name…well part of it. “I saw the get-a-roominess to ya. What happened to ‘We’re just friends mate, nothin more…’” Xander mocked an English accent, that was pretty good, but sounded too stuck up to be Spike’s.

“Things change, whelp. Didn’t notice how much I wanted, and needed her until I saw her with that ponce, Angel or what all.” Spike sighed then smiled. “And it’s more than just a relationship…we’re friends. Best friends…and it’s so easy to be around her. And there’s one thing I know for sure…I love her.”

Xander, Gunn, and Oz’s head all shot up from what they were doing, to listen to where this was going. Spike sighed again, and looked down, kicking at the ground lazily, like a six-year-old child. “I just don’t know how yet.” He replied after a somewhat long pause.

* * * * *

Buffy sat down at the table with her two friends, with the ‘happy woman’ smile on her face. Before Buffy could even say anything, Cordy spoke up.

“You got laid, didn’t you?” Cordy looked at her with a raised brow. Buffy started chuckling at her friend’s reason for her chipper-ness. “Well, at least one of us is.” She mumbled as she turned her head away to look up on stage at the current group.

Her and Willow had just finished talking about their uneventful night. Buffy laughed again. “No… I didn’t ‘get laid’…I’m just happy. Things with Spike and I worked out a lot better than I planned. And a hell of a lot sooner.”

“Yeah…we saw you walk in with him. You looked so adorable together, I thought I was gunna die!” Willow said with slight whine.

The three looked over at Xander, Spike, Gunn and Oz. Buffy stared at her boyfriend utterly infatuated with him. “I wonder what he’s telling them.” Buffy then saw three heads shoot up. She perked up right away. “Oh, oh, oh! What was that? What did he say?” Buffy had a look of worry on her face. She kept her eyes on him as she spoke to her friends. “Wh-what if he’s changing his mind? He couldn’t…he wouldn’t, would he?” Buffy noticed the diminutive action with his foot that he had been doing since he was little. And she knew it all too well. “He only does that when he’s nervous or unsure of something…what is he saying?” she was talking to herself now, but was still heard by her friends.

“Buffy, chill out. I’m sure it’s nothing…look, why don’t you go get yourself a drink and just relax, huh?” Cordy pulled out a five-dollar bill from her purse and handed it to Buffy.

Buffy pouted a little. “But what if it’s not nothing? What if it’s something big? It’d kill me if things broke down now.”

Cordy sighed. “Sweetie… It’s nothing, so stop with the ‘what ifs’ and get that drink.” Buffy snatched the money, and walked to the bar.

When Buffy was out of earshot, Willow expressed her thoughts. “Do you really thing that? That it’s nothing?”

“Oh no. It’s something. It’s a big something…just not the something she thinks it is.” Cordy let a small smile pull at her lips.

“Hey…welcome to Open Mic Night!” a loud male voice sounded through the microphone at the front of the stage, and the crowd cheered and clapped. “We got an old group with a new member…please give it up for ‘Blood Lust’.” The crowd clapped and cheered.

Buffy rushed back to the table in time to see Spike and the band walk onto the stage. As soon as he got in front of the mic, he gave Buffy a wink and a smirk. She blushed, while other ladies glanced at her with a look that said ‘you lucky bitch’.

Gunn went and sat behind the drum set, while Xander and Oz walked out with their electric guitars.

The soft music started up as Spike waited for the queue.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Buffy sat at the table in complete awe at his voice. She had never heard him sing before, and he was amazing. It was sexy and raspy…and it was totally turning her on. The thing that made her favorite song even better than the fact that he was singing it was…he was staring at her the whole time.

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, YEEEEEEAAH!

Xander and Oz did the back up for him…

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing

As the music died out, Buffy had one thing going through her head. I am damn lucky! She watched as the crowd clapped loudly, obviously favoring Spike over the last singer. Could ya blame him…he was a great singer, hot…and all hers.

Spike jumped off the stage and walked over to Buffy. Buffy got up and met him halfway.

Buffy swung her arms around his neck as he snaked his around her waist. She brought him down to her, kissing him with all the emotion that was running through her. She had tears in her eyes, with happiness, and didn’t care if the whole world knew it.

Finally pulling out of the kiss, Spike looked down at her, amazed by the sudden passion-filled kiss. It was intense…powerful.

“Hey baby…” Spike said tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Did you like it?” he was slightly out of breath, but didn’t care. He could kiss her until he ran out of breath completely, and then some.

“I loved it. I didn’t know you could sing like that.” She let her hands rest on his chest, drawing little circles on the silky like fabric.

Spike wrapped her up in his arms, holding her close to him, inhaling the beautiful lavender scent of her hair. “God, I could hold you like this forever.” Spike whispered in her ear, then placed a tender kiss on her temple.

Buffy looked up at him with a smile. “You can…I’m here, and I’m with you. For as long as you want me.” He smiled, bent down to capture her lips with his in a searing kiss.


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Chapter 9: This Dance

The next few weeks were pure bliss. Spike and Buffy were inseparable, and the relationship was really starting to get serious. There was not a moment where they weren’t kissing each other, or at the least touching.

Although there was major sexual tension between the two, they hadn’t consummated the relationship yet. They both decided that if they wanted this relationship bad enough, they’d wait.

The two had settled on the couch watching a TV movie called ‘Chance’. Buffy’s head rested in his lap as he ran his hand soothingly through her hair, a blanket draped over them.

During commercial Spike, felt a slight pain in his stomach, and winced. Buffy looked up at him with concern in her eyes.

“It’s nothing, pet. Just uh…guess I pigged out a little too much.” He nodded his head towards the table, and the empty bowl that used to have sugary snacks filled with a heap. Buffy smiled knowingly.

“Yeah tell me about it. I got major belly rumblies.” She rubbed Spike’s thigh soothingly.

“Um…I’ll be right back, luv. Gotta go to the loo.” Spike stood up and kissed Buffy on the forehead.

“You Englishmen and your unusual English terms.” As he walked off, she gave him a smack on the ass. When he turned around, he looked at her with a raised brow. She stuck her tongue and he then headed for the stairs.

Spike stood in the bathroom staring at him self in the mirror. He was pale, and faintly dark around the eyes. He rested his palms on the cold counter, leaning over and looking down into the sink.

The pain in his stomach wasn’t going away, but that was a given. He started coughing hard, his face going red, and a large vein popping out of his neck.

His coughing stopped, and he spit into the sink. He noticed the dark red fluid going down the drain. He ran the tap, and wiped a damp towel over his face.

Taking a breath he went downstairs. This is going to be hard…really hard. But I can’t do it yet.

He walked into the living room to see the show had started already, and Buffy seemed pretty into it. He sat on the couch, and pulled Buffy into his embrace. The sat that way, not even paying attention to the movie anymore. She laid her head on his chest, and inhaled his scent. The soft fragrance of his cologne…the fruity smell of his shampoo…and the aroma that could only be described as Spike. The scent that she remembered from when they were kids and thought of, every time she heard his name.

“I love you.” Buffy stated softly, her heart winning over her brain.

Spike knew then, that he loved her too…and not just as a friend. He squeezed his eyes shut, both happy and disappointed that she had said those three words. Spike held her closer to him, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

Buffy closed her eyes, with a smile on her face. She didn’t care that he didn’t say it back…he didn’t have to, because she knew that he did…and if he didn’t, he would. She just wanted him to know how she felt. She knew that Spike wouldn’t freak out about it like other guys might have…he understood her, and would hopefully get why she had to tell him.

The two fell into a light nap for a while, feeling too warm and comforted to stay awake.

* * * * *

When they had woken up, it was around 2 in the afternoon. Buffy went upstairs to take a shower, while Spike sat at the dining room table thinking things over in his head. For the last couple of days, Spike hadn’t been sleeping well because of this…and sleep was something he could really use right now.

Buffy skipped down the stairs merrily, in a pair of yoga material caprees, and a black tank top to match.

“Hey…Whatcha doin’ sittin in here? Manchester’s playing.” Buffy had finally gotten into soccer, and she began to like it just as much as he did.

“Buffy sit down.” His hands were intertwined together in front of him, looking down at them nervously.

“What is it, baby?” she placed a tiny hand over his.

God, is she trying to make this harder for me? I love it when she calls me that.

Spike didn’t say anything, concentrating too hard on what he was going to say…to say it.

Buffy looked into his eyes a noticed he was a little spaced. “Spike, whatever it is…you know you can tell me.” Her voice was full of sincerity.

Spike’s head shot up and he looked her straight in the eye and responded without hesitation. “I love you.” What he got back was a sweet smile.

Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, and then cupped his cheek. “I know…I love you too.” She continued to look at him and noticed that something seemed to still bug him. “But there’s something else you aren’t telling me…what is it?”

“We can’t do this.” He looked down, not wanting to see her reaction. That would have made this harder.

“What?” she asked in a breathy whisper. She pulled her hand away like she had been burned…which she had. “What are you trying to say, Spike?” tears were threatening to spill over.

Spike looked up at her finally, and gave her a look that pretty much told her everything. He saw the tears in her eyes and immediately wanted to take it all back. But he couldn’t.

Buffy’s voice wavered as she spoke. Her eyes were closed not wanting to let the tears fall. “A-are you…are you trying to say…it’s over?” she opened her eyes, to look at him with hurt and pained eyes.

He didn’t respond, but hung his head. “You t-tell me you love me…then you just-do this?” she shook her head with confusion.

Spike looked up and grabbed her hand. “It’s because I love you that I’m doing this. Buffy, if we stay together, and something happens between us…not only do we ruin our relationship, but our friendship as well. And I don’t want to lose that.”

Buffy yanked her hand out of his, and then stood up and looked down at him, with a mixture of frustration, hurt and resentment written on her face. “Well, you just did.” Her voice was low and filled with venom, bitter with anger.

She walked out of the room, and out the front door, closing it with a slam that rattled the pictures on the wall.

Spike dropped his head onto the table and cried. That was the hardest thing he ever had to do. God he wished he didn’t have to, and that he could just go after her, tell her that he loved her and that he would rather have a relationship with her than anything in the world…but it just couldn’t go that way. And he knew it. He would have to tell her about what had happened in England sooner or later, but he figured now wouldn’t be a good time…her wanting nothing more to do with him and all.

* * * * *

Buffy walked down the street aimlessly. She wrapped her arms around her hugging herself, feeling a sharp chill…even though it was mid-summer. She didn’t care if the tears fell anymore, that hurt more than she ever thought it would.

It’s over. Spike and I are over. How could he do this to me? She continued walking until she reached their spot by the willow tree. She didn’t even know she was headed in that direction until she walked under the drooping branches. Part of her thought that maybe if she did, he would show up, or already be there waiting for her…like she had always hoped. Why is this so hard…why does it hurt so much?

“Duh, you blonde, because you love him.” She scoffed at herself and sat down, leaning her back against the trunk. She dropped her head between her legs, and tried to grasp exactly what had happened. He did have a point though…but she didn’t want him to leave her…she needed him, more than she could even say. And she thought he needed her just as bad.

* * * * *

Spike had just spent the last half hour spilling his breakfast and lunch into the toilet. The whole ordeal was making him sick. He stood, flushed the toilet and walked over to the counter. He reached into the cabinet and took out the mouthwash, and rinsed out his mouth.

He stared at himself in the mirror. His face looked pasty, and shimmering with sweat from the exhaust.

It had been two days since their break up. Buffy had told her mom that she would be staying at Willow’s for a while, and not to worry. Joyce wasn’t the one that was worried…although she had no clue what had happened two days earlier. Spike still lived there, but he was so quiet it was almost like he wasn’t. He spent most of those two days up in his room making himself sicker by the hour, thinking about how badly he wanted her back. He barely ate and rarely spoke. The last 48 hours felt like an eternity.

He had called Willow’s house countless times, but she kept telling him that Buffy didn’t want to talk to him right now. The fact that she refused to talk to him burned a colossal hole in his heart.

* * * * *

Later that night, Spike decided to take a refreshing walk down in the promenade to clear his mind.

He shoved his hands in his front pockets of his jeans, and looked at all the people that were coupled up, coming out of the movie theatre. He sat on a nearby bench, running his hand through his already disheveled locks.

He looked around at the people that walked by, until his eye caught the petite blonde on the opposite sidewalk. He jumped up and ran through the little group of teens that crossed his path.

“Buffy!” he shouted out, hoping to get her attention.

Buffy whipped around looking for the familiar voice that had called her.

“Buffy!” he called up once again, almost getting hit by a car as he crossed the street. When he finally stood in front of her, she just looked at him with an unreadable face.

“Hi…I’ve been trying to call-”

“I know.” She looked down at the ground, willing herself not to get lost in those deep eyes of his.

“Buffy, I’m sorry…if I could take it all back I would. Two days without you, and I feel like I’m dying! I love you.” he placed a hand over his heart, his voice strained with emotion.

Buffy’s head shot up, she noticed how sincere he was, and just wanted to forget everything that had happened over the last two days, and pick up where they left off.

But she had to show him that she wasn’t going to let him back in that easily. She had to prove that she was as stubborn as she always been.

“You can’t just declare your love for me, William, and expect me to come running back to you. You hurt me…a lot. You broke up with me! And you’re right…you’re so right. If something got screwed up in our relationship, we would lose our friendship. But you know what, Spike? We have to believe in us to not let anything get screwed up! And if it did, we would find a way to fix it…together!” Buffy was yelling at him through her tears.

Spike took a step closer closing the gap between them. “Buffy, luv. I’m so sorry, you have no idea how angry I am at myself for hurting you like that.” He took a cleansing breath, and continued in a softer tone. “I tried to take a step forward, but I took two steps backward.”

“And I’m going to take one step sideways so we can stop this little dance, okay?” she stepped around him and started walking down the sidewalk.

Spike looked after her and sighed. “Buffy, please.”

Buffy stopped and turned around. “Look, Spike…I’ll go home, but it doesn’t mean that-”

“I know.” He cut her off.

“Good.” She said with a nod. “Just…give me a while?” she said making him understand that the wound was still fresh.

“Of course.”

“I just need some time.” She hugged her arms around her body.

“Yeah.” He replied in a mere whisper. He gave her a small, tight smile, as he turned to walk away. His head was hung, and his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, and William.” She called after him, and then waited until he turned around to continue. “I love you, too.” She smiled, and walked back to Willow’s to pick up her things…she missed the bright smile that lit up William’s face.

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Chapter 10: Hidden

Buffy had gone home that night, like she had told Spike. They agreed on talking things over the next day, giving them time to sleep on it. But it would have to wait until the later in the night, due to the fact that Spike had to go out in the morning around 11:30-ish to meet with the guys to talk about the band, practice and go over some new songs. She didn’t understand why they would want to meet so early, but she left it alone. Also, that gave her a chance to figure out some things.

She woke out of bed and started her regular routine. She turned her bedroom upside down looking for the shirt she desired to wear that day. It was Spike’s favorite, and she wanted to look her best when he came home.

It was a short, quarter sleeve, light pink; button up shirt that was tied in a knot by the tails in the front. It hung about an inch under her breasts and clung to them perfectly.

She huffed angrily when she couldn’t find it, and searched her mom’s room as well. When she couldn’t find it in there, she thought long and hard about the last time she wore it.

One Week Ago

Buffy lay down on Spike’s bed, cuddling into the soft comforter.

“Ugh…this knot is pissing me off.” Buffy adjusted the top, to her comfort.

“Here, pet.” He threw her one of his soccer jerseys from his team in England. “You can wear this…I’m sure you’d look damn edible in it.” He smirked.

Buffy ducked under the covers and changed into the jersey, taking her uncomfortable jeans off as well. She threw both at him as she popped her head back up.

Spike just looked at the clothes then at her then at the clothes again. She was wearing nothing but his jersey and her underwear, which, knowing her wasn’t much.

He tossed her clothes on the chair, and got under the covers with her, cradling her in his arms.

* * * * *

She shook away the soothing feeling she had at that memory. She had gotten the jeans the other day, but totally forgot about the shirt.

She walked into his room, looking around for any signs of pink. She checked everywhere around the chair, but nothing.

He must have put it in one of his drawers by accident. She thought, as she walked over to his dresser. She rummaged through his clothes in the top right drawer. Nothing. She moved to the top left drawer, she found it tucked in there, and smiled. She pulled it out, and frowned at what she saw underneath it.

* * * * *

By the time Spike got back it was around 9 o’clock. He spent most of that time walking around aimlessly trying to figure out what he was going to say to Buffy. He went to their special spot and sat under the tree, looking at the carved words on the bark. Spike walked in the door, with a sigh. “Buffy?” he called out noticing the dead quiet. He walked in the kitchen and saw her with her back to him, sitting at the island with a brown paper bag in front of her. Her hair was down and disheveled. He frowned and walked up behind her.

“Buffy…what’s wrong?” she turned around when she felt his hand on her shoulder.

Tears had stained her cheeks, and her eyes were puffy and red. “What’s wrong?” she asked incredulously. She turned back around and dumped the bag’s contents onto the counter. Five small, transparent orange bottles revealed themselves.

“Oh God.” Spike whispered to himself.

“When were you going to tell me, William? Huh…when you couldn’t hide it anymore?” Buffy’s anger was getting the best of her. “Where were you really? And don’t you dare say ‘out’.” she asked through gritted teeth.

“Dr. Lawson’s.” he hung his head, ashamed.

“How long?” Buffy’s eyes were glazing over with tears.

“About five years now.”

A sob broke through her lips. “Five years?!” she paused, the her eyes widened with realization. “That’s why you didn’t come back when you were suppose to, isn’t it? Because you were sick. I can’t believe this is happening. I-I just don’t-I don’t understand how-” she took a minute to breathe, giving him the chance to talk.

“The whole reason I went to England was because of my Grams being sick. She had cancer.” He paused letting Buffy absorb it all. “I have stomach cancer, Buffy. I came back to see you one more time.”

“No. No! Don’t even say that! How in the hell can you be so calm about this? I’m freaking out!” Buffy panicked.

Spike ignored her and continued. “My dad also wanted me to come here to get better medical care. I wasn’t getting the best treatment in England.”

“Will you stop? Stop acting like this is just the common flu! William, you’re dying!” she yelled as she cried. “Stop covering up your feelings with this brick wall you’ve set up…stop acting like this is nothing and tell me what you really feel!”

“I’m scared, alright!” he yelled back, his voice wavering. “I’m terrified! I’m terrified of not bein able to see you or my dad…or not going to university! I’m scared of not being able to get old and gray, sitting on a porch with you and our 10 cats! I’m afraid that I’ll never again see the face that makes my day brighter…” he raised his hand to cup her cheek, wiping away her tears.

Buffy sobbed harder at this. Buffy grabbed his hand and placed it on her heart. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not going anywhere, okay.” She paused then continued in a firmer voice. “And we’re going to get through this together…I promise you. You’re going to university, and we’ll get old and we’ll have our 10 cats. I love you…and I’m not letting you go anywhere.” She pulled him into a hug, and held him tightly as they both cried.

They held each other for some time. “Is this why you broke up with me…?” Buffy asked, her head against his chest.

“Yes. Because I thought it would be easier for both of us to deal with, when you found out. It would be easier if you hated me.” Spike clung to her, desperate to have her close to him.

“William…” she paused for a dramatic effect. “That is the stupidest reason to break up with someone.” She replied calmly with a small laugh.

Spike laughed at this also. She was right it was stupid. This was a time he needed her to love him, and care for him…be there when things got bad. “I know…now that I think about it, it was pretty silly.”

“Yeah.” They pulled away to look at each other, and Buffy wiped the tears from his eyes. “But you know, no matter what, you’d never be able to keep me away. You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything, and I know this sounds cheesy but…without you, I wouldn’t be me. I’d be a shell of a Buffy.” Buffy gave him a soft and slow kiss, and when she pulled away, she ran her fingers over his pouty lips.

“I know exactly how you feel.” Spike responded in a breathless whisper. “I’m so sorry Buffy…I should have told you-”

“No, no-shh…it’s not you’re fault.” Buffy whispered softly, as she held Spike’s head his her hands, looking him straight in the eyes. “I understand, baby, I do. You just didn’t want me to worry, and I get that…and I’m not. Because I know you’re going to make it.”

Spike leaned into her hand, and closed his eyes. “Buffy, I’m so scared. I don’t want to die…there’s so much I haven’t seen yet, so much I want to do…”

Buffy grabbed his hand, and pulled him up from his chair. “Come on. I want to show you something.” Buffy pulled him out the back door, and to the grassy yard.

She lay down and looked up at the dark night sky, waiting for him to do the same. One he did, she grabbed his hand again and squeezed it.

“Have you ever just…looked up at the stars and got lost in them? Just total forget about every bad thing going on in your life, and situate yourself in another world?” Buffy asked rhetorically. “Use to do this all the time after my dad left. Made it easier. It was better than staying inside and listening to my mom cry.” She stopped and sighed. “So, what did you do in England?”

“Not much really…I went out every once in a while. But I mostly kept my distance from people…I never wanted to get too attached. The only people I hung around with was the guys in the band, soccer team, but that was pretty much it.”

“And the girls you said that-”

“Nope.”

“So you never-”

“Nope.”

“Oh.”

“Mmhm.”

Buffy rolled onto her side, and propped her head on her palm. “Spike…you said there were things that you would like to do…let’s do them.” Buffy had a huge smile on her face.

“What are you talking about, luv?” Spike looked over at her, confusion clearly etched on his face.

“What was one of the things you wanted to do? One thing that you wanted to experience.” Buffy eyes were wide with anticipation.

Spike sighed, and looked back up at the stars. “Life. All of it. I just want to find my place in this world…before I have to leave it.” The lump growing in his throat strained Spike’s voice.

Buffy pursed her lips together, holding herself back from crying. She needed to be strong for him. She needed to believe that everything was going to be okay. She cuddled up to his side, and snaked her arms around his waist. Spike responded to her by resting his cheek on the top of her head, and pulling her closer into his arms.

* * * * *

Joyce had gotten home late from work that night, due to the gallery having great business lately. She walked through the door, noticing how quiet it was.

Way too early for them to going to bed…and they would have called me if they were going out. She walked into the kitchen, and found the medication on the island.

“Oh God. Buffy knows.” She said out loud to herself.

Spike had told Joyce before he came about him being sick. But he made her promise not to tell Buffy, yet. After a lot of convincing, she agreed reluctantly. He told her he didn’t want this trip to be a gloomy one, and most of all he didn’t want Buffy feeling sorry for him…he didn’t want to see the ‘My-best-friend’s-dying-of-cancer-Buffy’, he wanted to see the ‘Happy-go-lucky-best-friend-Buffy’.

“Buffy…honey are you in here? Spike?” she called out to the empty house. She sighed, and went to the back to go throw out the garbage.

When she walked out on the back porch, she saw the blonde couple cuddled up together under the stars. She titled her head to the side, and smiled. They were sleeping. She thought it would be a good idea to wake them up before the sprinklers came on, but that would be a big enough wake up call. She put the garbage bag outside and walked back into the house with a warm smile.

* * * * *

Spike woke up to the feel of water hitting his face, lightly. He opened his eyes, and saw the sun slowly start to rise. His eyes went wide with amazement, as he sat up.

“Buffy…luv. Wake up. Look at this.” She lightly shook her awake.

“Mmm, five more minutes.” She mumbled, snuggling into his side.

“Pet, the sun’s coming up…it’s breathtaking!” he said with bright smile.

Buffy awakened, and sat up, looking at it with a sleepy smile. “Wow…it’s beautiful.” She said quietly, taking in the pinks, purples and oranges in the sky’s horizon.

“I’ve never watched the sun come up before…all those colors-In England it’s usually gloomy and dark.” Spike stopped and looked around at the sprinklers that were ticking past, lightly spraying them with the cool water. “We better head inside, yeah?” he said looking over at Buffy.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Spike got up and held out a hand to her. She accepted, and stood brushing off the grass from her pants.

Spike looked at her, smiled then picked her up, holding her like a baby in his arms.

Buffy let out a small yelp, and then giggled. “Spike, put me down. I don’t want you over-exerting yourself right now.” She said seriously as Spike walked over to the porch.

Once Spike got to the porch he put her down. “Buffy…don’t treat me like a cancer patient. Treat me like you would if was never sick.” He raised his brows waiting for her to answer.

“But, you are…” she looked at his chest and fixed the lapels on his jacket trying to distract herself. “…and I don’t want to make things worse-”

“You’ll make it worse if you keep treating me like this. I’m fine right now, okay? So let’s just keep doin what we’re doin, alright?”

“Okay.” Buffy’s voice was near inaudible. She looked up at him, and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Spike ran his hand through her hair lovingly. “Now let’s get inside before we catch a cold, alright luv.”

They both walked inside and up the stairs to her room. Buffy passed him his baggy sweatpants that her mom had put in her room after she did the laundry, and she changed out of her wet clothes and changed into her shorts and tank top. Once they were both changed into dry clothes, they absentmindedly got on either side of the bed, and pulled the covers back, and lay down.

Buffy immediately cuddled up to him, lacing her legs with his. Spike gave her a kiss before they fell into a deep and sweet slumber.


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Chapter 11: My Angel/My Immortal

“So, I’d say: take it easy for a bit, alright Firecracker?” Dr. Wilkins said with a cheerful tone and wide grin, as he patted Spike on the shoulder.

Dr. Lawson had gone on vacation a week after Spike went to see him, and told him that this doctor equally as good, would handle his case. He was right. Dr. Wilkins really knew how to cheer someone up and was great at what he did.

“Thank you Dr. Wilkins, for the short notice appointment. It’s means a lot to us.” Buffy said with a grateful smile, as she rubbed Spike’s arm comfortingly, as they sat on the clinic bed.

“Oh, don’t even worry about it you crazy kids.” He said with a wave of his hand. “If ya need anything just give me a ring.” He finished, as he put Spike’s file away with the rest.

“Um, I have a gig tonight…with the band. Would that be okay?” Spike asked, with a hopeful expression.

“Baby, just relax for a while…I’m sure they can find temp to fill in for you tonight.”

“Oh, no…Miss. Buffy, he’ll be fine! I just meant not to do stuff that physical. Like: sports, running, horizontal mambo…that sorta thing.” Dr. Wilkins responded, smirking at the blushing teens. Wanting to make them blush harder, just for his amusement, he continued. “Well that last one I guess you could do…just don’t work the poor boy too hard, okay sweetie?” he smiled and playfully nicked her chin lightly.

Buffy eyes comically grew wide, as she shifted her gaze to the linoleum below her, which looked fairly interesting at that moment. “Well, Spike…we should get going, yeah?” she shot out embarrassed. She jumped off the bed, and pulled Spike off with her. “Thanks again, Dr. Wilkins.” Buffy shook his hand quickly, and so did Spike, before they b-lined it out of the clinic.

“Well…that was very, very embarrassing! Something I hope never happens again.” Buffy said, once they were outside and walking back to the car.

Spike chuckled. “I didn’t even think it was possible for someone to turn that shade of red.” He got in the driver’s seat as Buffy slid in on the other side.

“Yeah, well I’m just glad that everything’s okay…we don’t have to worry about anything yet.” She said with a stressed sigh, as she ignored Spike’s comment.

“Your right…so I guess we could do the last thing on that little list of his then, eh?” he replied with a smirk as he wiggled his brows, and turned the ignition.

Buffy frowned thinking about the ‘list’ for all of 1 and a half second before she reacted. “No! A thousand gallons of ‘no’. You heard him; I just don’t want to risk anything okay? Please?” Buffy gave him her best pout, while she rubbed his thigh.

“Alright…but just because I love you.” He caved, pointing a finger at her as he leaned into give her a kiss.

Buffy gave him a quick peck that made a cute ‘smack’. Smiled at him brightly, she rested her head on his shoulder as he pulled out of the parking lot, and headed home.

* * * * *

Buffy and Spike walked into the Bronze, holding hands and right away headed over to the stage.

“Hey guys…” Buffy waved at Xander, Gunn, and Oz. “Playin any of my faves tonight?”

“Uhh…I don’t think you’ve heard the one we’re playin tonight. But you are going to stick to your promise and sing one with us, right? For old time’s sake?” Xander requested with a goofy grin.

“Mmm-yes…I decided I would for the sake of my old band…but only. Once.” She said pointedly. Xander and the group agreed.

“I didn’t know you played for them before.” Spike chimed in, looking down at Buffy.

“Played for us? She made us! It was her idea for this band…tight set of vocals that one’s got.” Gunn chortled with a nudge to Buffy’s shoulder.

“Oh, c’mon, guys…I’m not that good…” Buffy giggled nervously, bowing her head.

“That’s an understatement. She had the crowd wrapped around her finger.” Oz told Spike nonchalantly.

“Okay! Enough talky about me. You guy get up on that stage and play your little hearts out.” she smiled sweetly, and went up on tippy-toes to give Spike a kiss. “You sure you want to do this…I mean you don’t have to-” Buffy whispered in his ear but soon got cut off by Spike’s hush.

“Shh. Pet, trust me…I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Just watch.” Spike backed away with a smirk. “Enjoy the show.”

Buffy walked over to the girls’ usual table, and sat down, frown set in place.

“Alright, what’s up? You got pensive face.” Cordy spoke up leaning forward.

“I’ve been getting that a lot lately.” Buffy propped her chin in her hands, and sighed.

“Yuh-huh! Noticed. What’s going on? Wills and I are worried.” Cordy had a concern frown on her face.

“Yeah. I-I mean, you’ve been all neglect-y and brood-ish as of late, and it’s not the natural order of things in Buffyland.” Willow said in agreement.

“Well things in Buffyland aren’t exactly Buff-tastic.” She replied with a pout.

“Are things with you and sexy over there okay?” Cordy nodded in the direction of Spike.

“What? Oh yeah. No, no, no that’s not it at all.” Buffy answered quickly. “Me and him are great.”

“Well what is it that’s got y’all doom and gloomy?” Wills asked clearly worried for the well being of her friend.

Buffy closed her eyes briefly to rein her emotions. “Spike has-”

“Hello! And Welcome again to Open Mic Night!” The enthusiastic MC cut off Buffy. The crowd cheered loudly. “Please Welcome ‘Blood Lust’”. The crowd cheered even louder than the first time.

“Whoo! Go Spike!” Buffy could hear the faint yell of a girl in the back. She restrained herself from going back there and knocking her lights out.

“Hey, everyone. Okay…we decided to do something a little different. Uh, this is an original song…written by yours truly.” Spike smiled into the crowd.

Buffy frowned. When in the hell did he write a song? How come he didn’t tell me?

“I wrote it for my girlfriend…” groans of girls were audible at ‘girlfriend’ “…who is hearing it for the first time tonight.”

Oh. Ohh! Awww. Buffy tilted her head to the side like a lost puppy just came up to her and gave her the cute puppy dog eyes she’d even seen.

He looked at her straight in the eye from the stage, and mouthed the words ‘I love you.’ Buffy mouthed it back, her heart leaping out of her chest with anticipation.

She comes home to me after a hard night's work
Falls in my arms and sleeps like a bird
Startle, wakes up, like she don't know me
Cocks back her fist like she's going to slug me
Like, who are you anyway
And what are you doing to me?

Buffy let out a short and quiet laugh, and smiled up at him, as he winked at her.

Flashback

Buffy woke up on the couch, and found herself leaning on 8 year-old William’s chest. She frowned, and punched him in the shoulder.

“What are you doing!?” she yelled at him, waking him up.

“You fell asleep on me!” he yelled back, sleepily and rubbing his eyes.

“Shut up!”

End Flashback

She's an angel
But she can't see it
She's got wings,
But she can't feel 'em
She's an angel
But she can't see it
But she's flying above me every day
Every day of my life

Bright diamond eyes with daggers beneath them
She carries the chains of a million decisions
They weren't even hers to begin with anyway
But she carries them all
All the people around her
Never even notice that she's very very tired

Buffy wanted to cry. This is what he thought of her? She wanted to do nothing more than put an end to the sexual tension between them pull him off that stage, and bring him to her bed.

She's an angel
But she can't see it
She's got wings
But she can't feel 'em
She's an angel
But she can't see it
But she's flying above me every day
Every day of my life

The song ended and Buffy wiped away the stray tear that fell from her eye.

Both Willow and Cordelia, ‘awed’ at the very sweet song that was just sung to their friend. Cordy wanted even the mushy type and she wanted to ball. She was ready to go up there and smack Xander- Who she started dating recently by the way -for not writing a song for her.

The MC walked back on stage, and made another announcement. “Wow…that was great wasn’t it people?!” everyone clapped louder. “Lucky lady. Speaking of which, we have an old group member coming to sing for one last time with the band. Everyone give it up for Buffy Summers!!” the crowd cheered as Buffy stood and made her way up to the stage, a blush growing on her face.

“What is she doin?” Willow whispered to Cordy.

“Haven’t got a clue.”

Buffy climbed up to the stage, and looked at Spike with a smile. She gave him a light kiss, and smiled as she pulled away. “It was beautiful, William. Thank you.”

Spike didn’t reply, he simply ran a hand over her hair and cupped her cheek, smiling down at her. “Do you’re thing, baby.” He walked back stage, and leaned on a wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

Buffy took a deep breath. “Let’s do this.” She spoke to herself out loud. She walked up to the mic, and inhaled deep before speaking. “Hey…it’s great to be back up here again, I’m gunna do an old classic of mine…one of my first songs actually.” She turned around to Xander and gave him a look that told him she was ready. He nodded and looked at Gunn who started the slow beat.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Spike straightened up suddenly, looked at Buffy in awe. He had no idea how much of an angelic voice she had. It was so soft, and light, yet deep and filled with solace. The purely sweet tone floated about the room, filling every corner.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

He wondered. If she wrote this…who is she singing about? His brows frowned in concentration, as his mind worked over-time.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

The crowd was quiet for a couple of seconds, basking in the song they hadn’t heard in a long time. Soon the club was filled with loud clapping and cheering.

Buffy smiled, missing the appreciation she got every time she sang.

The MC came back onto the stage once more. “Well…I’m sure you all missed the sweet voice of Buffy Summers…I know I sure did.”

The people that went to the Bronze now, were the people that went to the Bronze two years ago, when Buffy first came out with that song. It was like she and the band had their own groupies.
She thanked the mob, and walked back stage to join her boyfriend.

Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up, barely lifting her feet of the floor. He kissed her passionately, before placing her back on the ground.

“You were amazing, luv. I had no idea your voice was that captivating…”

Buffy just stood there, eyes wide, and mouth a gape. She swallowed hard as she looked up at him.

“You okay, pet?”

“Mmhm. Still kinda shocked about that kiss…just lemme bask for a sec.” she paused. “Okay…I’m cool.”

Spike chuckled and pulled her into his arms again.



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Chapter 12: Things Get Scary

As soon as the blonde couple got home from their gig, mouths and hands were all over each other. Quickly unlocking the door, Buffy went inside the house and turned around pulling Spike in with her. Thank God her mom was visiting a friend in L.A. for a couple of days cause this was not something she really wanted her mom hearing.

She dragged him up the stairs eagerly, and into her bedroom. Once locked inside everything slowed down. Buffy placed a gentle and sweet kiss on his lips, before taking his hand in hers and leading him to the bed. Urging his to sit down and relax, she pulled away from him and walked over to the stereo. Buffy played a CD she had burned that had soft and slow songs on it.

Turning back to Spike, she slowly started to way her hips to the music while carefully undoing the buttons on her tight, red blouse, and letting it fall to the floor.

Spike just stared at her in awe, at the beauty of her luscious body. She then let her small hand fall to the waist of her jeans, and continued her little strip tease by undoing the button and the zipper of her pants. Shimming out of them, she walked closer to Spike, and stood between his legs. She knew that he would be nervous so she reassured him by kissing him softly on the lips, then cheek, jaw, and neck. Her hands trailed down his chest to the hem of his shirt, and pulled it up over his head.

Spike ran his gaze over her, and placed his hands on her hips, making soothing circles with his thumb on her hipbones. Surprising her, he hooked his fingers into her strings of her thong, and slowly pulled them down her nicely bronzed thighs, until they pooled to the ground. She reached up behind her back and undid her bra, and threw it across the room.

“Lay back.” Buffy whispered into his ear. Being her complete slave, Spike obeyed. He situated himself on the bed, and waited for Buffy’s next move. She was in control tonight. He didn’t want to do something to screw this up so he was going to let her call the shots.

Buffy crawled over him, straddling his waist, and kissed him passionately, putting all her love and devotion to him in it. She thought she was going to weep with amazement, when he wrapped his arms around her bare back and pulled her to him, putting just as much love and devotion into the kiss as she was. Breaking away, Buffy continued to kiss down his neck, licking and nipping her way down his chest. She kissed and licked his bellybutton, causing him to giggle, and made her smile against him. Once she reached his jeans, she undid his belt, and pants and started pulling them off. She wasn’t surprised in the least to find out he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Pulling them off of his legs, she tossed them to the side, and them quickly pulled off his socks.

Working her way back up his body, she kissing his hipbones and licked the tip of his raging erection that started to pearl with pre cum. Spike hissed in anticipation, and gripped the sheets in his fists.

She straddled his waist once again and studied the look of pure pleasure on his face. She ran a hand down his cheek, causing him to open his beautiful blue eyes, and look at her with intensity.

Lifting herself up slightly, Buffy grabbed his long, hard cock, and positioned it at her slick opening. Spike felt her juices start to drip down his shaft and it was driving him crazy.

“Ready?” Buffy asked, waiting for his approval. Not being able to make words at the moment, he nodded.

At a slow and excruciatingly pace, Buffy slid down on him, both letting out a gasp of pleasure at the penetration. Wiggling her hips, Buffy brought all of him inside her, and sighed at the sensations building up in her stomach.

Spike held her hips still, reviling in the moment of just being inside her so intimately. He ran a hand through her blonde locks that were falling so perfectly over her shoulders. With a loving smile, Buffy ever so slowly started to move up and down on him, starting a rhythm they could adjust to.

Spike wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down to his chest, bucking up, and striking a spot in her that made her make the most amazing of sounds.

She moaned loudly, and buried her head in his shoulder. She rode him faster, lifting her frame off his chest, and put her hands in their place. She threw her head back, and continued moaning at the feel of Spike sliding inside her.

Spike made a split second decision and flipped them over putting him on top. He continued to pump into her, making her keen in more pleasure than she thought possible.

“Ugh…Spike.” She gripped his arms tightly. “Harder.” Spike obliged, and pounded into her, making her breasts jiggle with their movements of passion. Spike lowered his head and sucked one into his mouth, causing Buffy to arch her back into him, and buck wildly beneath him. He moved one hand to rub the small sensitive nub between her legs as he felt his climax creep through him.

Buffy’s mouth opened in a silent cry, as the feel of his mouth and teeth playing with her nipple, his fingers circling her clit, and his cock pumping into her was throwing her over the edge. She stiffened as her orgasm washed over her in big rolling waves. She held Spike’s arms, and clenched her inner muscles around him, as she came hard.

Spike felt her squeezing him and let his climax take over him. She milked him for all he was worth, and he continued to pump into her riding it out for as long as possible. Hearing her cry out and squeeze him again, he covered her mouth with his and kissed her as she came for the second time.

After they came down from their high, Spike rolled off of her, and pulled her against his heaving chest. Buffy cuddled up next to him and let sleep take over.

Spike lay there and watched her for a while smiling contently before letting sleep take him as well.

* * * * *

Spike woke up the next morning, and felt a warm arm slung across his chest. Buffy’s small hand was resting on his torso. He looked over at her and noticed the cutest sleepy pout he’s ever seen. He brushed her bed-messed hair out of her face, and smiled as he thought about the night before.

Just when he thought she couldn’t surprise him anymore, she let last night happen. She had taken him up on his offer about the ‘horizontal mambo’, or so Dr. Wilkins called it. It was the most amazing, passionate thing he had ever experienced and he knew then that he could never let her go. If he could freeze that moment, he would. Then he realized that there was definitely going to be more nights like that.

Reluctantly, Spike carefully lifted her tiny hand, and slipped out from under it.

He silently, threw his legs off the side of the bed, and pulled on his jeans. He shot a glance at the clock. ‘9:45’. Spike looked back once more at his girlfriend’s sleeping form before he stood up and padded his way to the bathroom.

Spike looked at himself in the mirror. He was loosing weight. His cheekbones were more defined, and his Adams apple stuck out further. He turned on the tap, letting the cold water run before splashing his face with it.

Exhaling heavily, Spike opened the cabinet and pulled out two of the five bottles. He popped two of each in his mouth, then filled up a cup and gulped them down. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the substantial amount of pain that clenched his stomach. He placed his hand on his abdomen and plunked down on the edge of the tub, bending his top half forward demanding the ache to die out. He rocked himself slowly.

“Baby?” a soft and sleepy voice sounded from the doorway.

Spike heard her, but was pained too much to answer. He continued to rock himself, looking down at the white linoleum, and not giving Buffy so much as a glance.

When he didn’t answer, she cautiously stepped closer, not wanting to startle him. “Baby…William? What’s wrong?” Her voice shook with worry, when she saw the small beads of sweat forming around his hairline. She sat down next to him and placed a hand on his thigh. “William, please tell me what’s wrong. Talk to me?” she asked in more of a question than a demand.

Spike shook his head, which looked more like a shudder. “No. If I don’t talk, it doesn’t hurt…much.” Spike choked out in a strained, raspy voice.

Buffy could see the tears piling up behind his eyes. She tried to hold back her own at the sight of it. “Hold on, okay.” She fought back the lump in her throat. She stood and reached behind the curtain of the shower to grab the blue face towel. She walked over to the sink, and ran it under cold water. After wringing it out, she walked back over to Spike and knelt between his legs.

She dabbed it gently over his forehead, on his cheeks, and under his chin. She looked up at him to see him staring down at her, his eyes fluttering open and closed. “I don’t want you seein me like this…please.” Spike said in a low whisper, turning his head away from her.

Buffy continued looking up at him for a moment before she sighed, and turned his chin back to look at her. “Honey…listen to me. I love you, and I’m gunna take care of you, okay? And don’t be that stubborn little boy and say: ‘I don’t need anyone to take care of me’, because you do, and whether you like it or not I’m going to be there to do just that.” Buffy let the tears fall freely from her eyes. She dropped her hand, and then looked down at the floor, holding back her sobs.

“Luv, I’m sorry.” Spike didn’t mind the pain he was feeling in his stomach anymore. In fact he welcomed it. It ached less than the pain he felt in his heart when he saw Buffy cry. “Please don’t cry…” Spike tilted her chin up to look at her again. He wiped away the fallen tears gently as he spoke. “I just didn’t want you feeling sorry for me.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you Spike. I don’t pity you…I care about you. You mean so much to me, and if something-” Buffy cut herself off, really not wanting to think about what she was about to say. She took in a deep breath. “Please, Will. Just let me help you?” Buffy stared at him with pleading eyes.

Spike just smiled at her and his gut wrenching pain subsided. He bent down to give her a soft kiss. “Alright.” He whispered.

“Thank you.” Buffy stood and placed the damp towel on the counter. “Now, I’m going to, call Dr. Wilkins and tell him that we need to stop by-”

“Buffy-” Spike cut her off, only to be cut off himself by a stronger and more determined voice.

“Then we’re going to get ready and drive down there to see him; you’re not getting out of this Spike. You need to see a doctor. If things are getting worse you shouldn’t just toss it aside and try to act like it never happened.” Buffy looked intently at him, showing him that she wasn’t changing her mind. Buffy helped Spike stand and walked him back into her bedroom. “You okay?” she asked softly, running her cold hand down his burning cheek.

“Yeah…fine.”

* * * * *

Buffy sat in the waiting room of the hospital as Spike went through the CAT scan. Dr. Wilkins had told them that it would be best to go in and check to see if they missed anything. If they did, they would have to put him on chemotherapy.

The thought alone brought her to tears. They should have done this before! What if it’s too late? What if it’s already spread, and things got worse? She tried to push away those negative thoughts as she saw Dr. Wilkins come out of double doors at the end of the hallway.

Buffy jumped up out of her seat, and made in to him in three strides. “Please tell me you have good news.” She chewed her thumbnail nervously.

“Well…it’s not bad news. But it’s not very good either.” Buffy chocked out a sob, but forced herself to stay together. “The cancer in Will’s stomach is developing awfully quick. But, but he’s going to be fine, you have nothing to worry about.” Dr. Wilkins smiled brightly at Buffy, trying to reassure her as much as possible. “We want to keep him here a while longer…he’s going to need to take chemotherapy. It’s highly effective against the form of stomach cancer he has. We’ll schedule a surgery for Mr. Giles as soon as possible. But we do have a bit of a waiting list.”

“Okay…I got to make some phone calls.” Buffy’s voice was small and quiet. She had completely zoned out after he told her that the cancer was developing quickly. It Buffy’s books that was no good…and that turned her into Space Cadet girl.

“Okay. William will be getting set up in his room in a few hours…we just want to run some more tests. You should get something to eat, darlin. An empty belly is an unhappy belly.” Dr. Wilkins playfully poked her in the stomach. He was just trying to bump her spirit a little, trying to show her that it wasn’t something to be down about. “Breakfast is the most important meal, you know.”

“Yeah, sure.” Buffy walked away, making her to the pay phone.

Dr. Wilkins stared after her. “Tsk tsk. Poor girl’s holdin the weight of the world.” He shook his head, and headed back to the double doors.

Buffy picked up the phone and slid a quarter in the slit. She dialed a 1-800 number and waited for the operator. “Hi, I’d like to make a collect call to England please. Thank you.” Buffy waited as she was put on hold for the operating system. “London. Rupert Giles.” Buffy waited impatiently as they searched for the number.

“Hello?” a voice sounded on the other line after a few rings.

“Giles. It’s Buffy.” Her voice was raspy; forcing it’s way from behind her lump in her throat.

“Buffy, dear! How are you?” Giles’ voice was chipper. He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke to the girl he felt was his surrogate daughter.

“Giles…” Buffy’s voice trailed off as tears fell down her cheeks. “You need to come here. Will’s getting worse.”

Giles could hear the small child-like sniffles on the other end of the phone. “Alright.” He started in a panic. “I’ll take the next flight out of London.” After a short goodbye, he hung up, grabbed his suitcase, shoved couple of outfits in it and headed to the airport.

Buffy hung up the phone, only to pick it up again and slip in another quarter. She dialed the familiar number and waited for it to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Mom…” Buffy sounded like a lost girl.

“Buffy, thank God! Where are you I was worried sick.” Her mother’s frightened tone was evident.

“I’m at the hospital…with Spike.”

“Oh, God. Is he okay?” Joyce was afraid of this…her heart raced.

“Mom, I don’t know how to say this but…Spike has cancer.” Buffy broke off into a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. Reality just struck how serious this was.

“I know, honey.” She replied softly, trying to comfort her daughter.

“What?!” Buffy’s hand dropped, and her tone was firm and angry. “You knew? And you didn’t tell me!?” Buffy turned around and noticed a couple of nurses starting at her. Turning her back on them she cupped her hand over the voice piece, and spoke quieter. “How could you not tell me?”

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. But he told me not to tell you.” Joyce answered defensively.

“Mom, this is huge. You could have at least-” Buffy stopped herself letting out a deep sigh. “Nevermind. This is…not the time, nor the place. I-I called Giles…he’s on his way.”

“I’ll be down there in five minutes, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Buffy whispered. After she hung up, Buffy walked over to a vending machine, and stuck a one-dollar bill in the slit. She pressed the letter and number combo, and waited for her bag of chips to fall.

She bent down grabbed the bag and walked back over to the waiting area. Buffy placed the chips on the table, and rested her elbows on her knees, her fingers running through her hair in a stressed manner.

“Excuse me. Ms. Summers?” Buffy’s head shot up at the sound of her name. “Um, could you please fill these out? It will only take a minute.” the nurse’s voice was soft and calming, but did nothing to tranquil her.

Buffy took the clipboard slowly from her, and started filling out the information. “When you’re done just hand it into the front desk.” The nurse walked away with a small smile.

When Buffy finished, she handed it to the front desk and went back to her spot. She leaned back into the chair, and let out a huff. She eyed the bag of chips.

I am kinda hungry. And breakfast is the most important meal…no matter how unhealthy it is. Buffy reached for the bag, and leaned back, preparing to open it.

Just then Dr. Wilkins walked into the waiting room. “Why Hello Ms. Buffy. Just the person I wanted to see.”

Buffy tossed the chips into a nearby garbage can, as she walked up to him. “Will’s got a room now if you’d like to see him.” Buffy just nodded eagerly. “I’ll take you.” Buffy followed him as he walked over the elevator.

He pressed the 3rd floor button, and held his wrist behind his back, rocking back and forth on his heels.

The two stayed silent in the small space, and Dr. Wilkins stared up at the light above the metal doors, as it pasted through the floors.

Buffy was nervous, her breathing, fast and heavy. She fidgeted with her hands, can’t find anything to do with them.

“It’s alright, you really have nothing to worry about.” The two walked out of the elevator when it reached the 3rd floor. “He’s just going to be a little sedated.” He walked her down a long hall with doors that had 300 numbers written on them. He stopped at the one that had 324 on it. “We gave him a private room, William was very hasty to suggest it. Firecracker of a spirit that one has.” The doctor chuckled lightly, when he saw the smile of agreement on Buffy’s face.

He opened the door and let her pass through. She slowly walked into the hospital room, eying the things around her before letting them fall on the figure lying in the bed.

A small gasp slipped from her mouth when she saw him. He had a tube inserted into his arm that led to a clear packet hanging on a steel rod. She walked over to Spike, and stood by the side of the bed.

She grabbed his hand and held it in hers. Spike slowly turned his head to look up at her with a smile. His eyes were half open. “Hey baby.” He pushed himself up on the bed, to lean against the pillows. “Nice room huh?” Spike said with his trademark smirk.

Buffy smiled, and looked down. She nodded slowly, and then looked up at him again. “How you doin?” she asked hesitantly.

“I’m fine.” Spike answered good-naturedly, accompanied with a shrug. “A little tired. My fear of needles is gone. Don’t hurt so much as I thought.” He joked with a light chuckle. “Come sit.” Spike patted a spot next to him.

Buffy sat down, rubbing her boyfriend’s arm soothingly. “Called you’re dad…he’s on his way back.”

“Pet, you really shouldn’t have, this is nothing. Now he’s going to get all worried. He doesn’t need that right now, kitten.” Spike brushed the stray hairs out of her face. “And you…don’t worry either, okay? You’re stressin’ yourself out for no reason.”

“You say that like it’s an easy thing to do. Of course I’m going to worry…it’s scary. This whole big thing is scary.” Buffy frowned, a concerned look on her face.

“I’ll be outta here before you know it.” Spike smiled brightly at her, melting away any doubts she had. She cuddled into him like she normally would. She forgot that she was in the hospital room. Forgot why she was here. And that her boyfriend and best friend; was sick beside her.

Joyce was directed by a nurse where his room was. She opened the door quietly, and noticed the two talking together. From her point of view it looked like a personal moment shared between the two. Not wanting to intrude on it, and noticing that Spike was okay, she smiled as she closed the door as quietly as she had opened it, and headed back to her car. She could visit them later…


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Chapter 13: Worth It

Spike had stayed at the hospital for almost a month, and Buffy never left his side. The chemotherapy was working very well but he was out of it most of the time. He got tired quickly, and found it hard to stay awake for longer then a few hours.

Dr. Wilkins had asked if Buffy had quote: ‘been too hard on the boy during the horizontal mambo’, End quote; in a joking matter, making Buffy blush and Spike laugh, as he was completely oblivious to the fact that she probably had.

Dr. Wilkins had told Buffy that the chemo stage was done and that he could go home if he felt up to it. Knowing Spike…he wanted to get out of that hellhole as fast as possible.

Giles, Joyce, Xander, Gunn, Oz, Willow and Cordy had all come to see him ever since Buffy told them a few days after he was checked into the hospital. Rupert had come to visit for a few weeks, but after Spike had insisted he go back to the Mother country and stay with the rest of the family, he reluctantly left to do just that, making both Buffy and Spike promise to call if something came up. The rest were all shocked and cried with Buffy. But while they were with Spike, they acted as if nothing changed, as they laughed at how he mocked and joked about himself. He was slowly starting to lose his hair, and joked about how he shouldn’t have bleached it so much.

Buffy helped her boyfriend out of the car once they reached the house on Revello drive. Buffy wrapped an arm around his waist and Spike had his arm draped around her shoulder, both for comfort and support. He was still weak from the medication.

She helped Spike up to her room, and let him rest on the bed for a while.

“Buffy…” Spike stared up at the ceiling, waiting for her to turn around and look at him. “Cut it off.” He said imprecisely.

“Excuse me?” Buffy raised her eyebrows, clearly confused.

“My hair…it’s already falling out. Cut it off.” Spike was a little bitter about the fact that he was losing his hair. It’s what gave him his whole bad boy look.

Buffy walked over to Spike, and sat down next to him. “It’s not that bad…” she said as she ran her hand through his hair. As she did so, a few hairs remained in her hand, going unnoticed to Spike. Her hand quickly let go of the hair on her hand as Spike turned to look at her, not wanting him to see how bad it really was. “Okay!” she replied cheerfully, even though she was most definitely not cheery.

* * * * *

After Buffy had shaved his head, leaving him with a short buzz cut, Buffy lay down in her bed with him as he slept. She gently scratched his head, as it rested on her chest. She thought back to the time they spent together before she found out, slowly understanding what he said and why he said it.

Flashback

“So what ever happened to a couple of years, Spike? You should have been back a long time ago…what was the hold up?” Buffy asked sitting on the floor crossed legged, with Spike sitting the same way across from her.

“Oh, um.” Spike wracked his mind for a buyable answer, anything other than the truth. God he hated lying to her. “Dad wanted me to finish school there, said I could come back after graduation.”

End Flashback

Things were starting to piece together now…

Flashback

She heard him step onto the back porch through the open bedroom window. She listen to the beeping of the buttons, and inaudibly climbed out of the bed and stood behind her curtain, so he couldn’t see her if he happened to glance her way.

“Hey, dad…I’m fine, I guess. No, no it’s not that…they’re good…well Joyce is. We just got in a fight that’s all…don’t really want to talk about it now…I haven’t told her yet…yes I know, dad, I’m still figuring things out…!”

End Flashback

Buffy remembered listening in on that conversation. He had to have been talking to his dad about wanting to tell her about him being sick. That was bugging me for days! Buffy thought to herself.

Flashback

“Spike, whatever happens between us…I want to stay friends, okay? You mean too much to me to end that.” Tears were freely falling from her eyes now, and dripping down her cheeks.

“I never doubted that for a second, pet.” He wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb. “But you need to know, that no matter what…I’ll always be here for you. Always.”

End Flashback

Tears filled her eyes at the thought of him leaving. But he was right…if he did leave, he would always be with her.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to fall asleep with her lover. She didn’t want to think negatively right now. She just wanted to rest.

* * * * *

Buffy woke up a few hours later, to see an empty space beside her. Where’s Spike?

Buffy walked down the stairs and found Spike downstairs in the kitchen making lunch. She rubbed her sleep filled eyes, as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“What are you doing making lunch? I told you I would do it, you need your rest.” Buffy put a soft kiss on his t-shirt clad shoulder.

Spike flipped the grilled cheese sandwich in the pan over, before turning around in her arms, giving her a light kiss on the forehead.

“Well first off: I woke up with a burst of energy, and thought I’d take advantage of it cause I know it wouldn’t come about often. And secondly: You and I both know you can’t cook if you’re life depended on it.” He finished with a sexy smirk and a wink.

“I can make stuff…” She started with a pout. “Like…like…cereal! I can make cereal!” she exclaimed with a big smile and a nod.

“Really? And how do you make cereal?” he asked already knowing the answer from past experience.

“Put the jug of milk beside the box.” She paused for a few seconds before continuing. “Okay so maybe I can’t cook, but I could have tried.” She ran her hand down his cheek and had a more serious look on her face. “How you feelin?”

“I’m alright…my head’s a little cold.” He said jokingly, rubbing his shaved head.

“Spike I’m serious.” She replied with a light smack to his chest.

“Luv, stop worrying please. The more you worry the worse it seems. I’m really fine…just as long as I don’t have to go back to that sodding hospital anytime soon.” Spike turned back to the pan and slid the grilled cheese into a plate. “Here…lunch is served.” He handed her the plate with a big smile, and a proud stance.

“What about you…aren’t you eating?” she asked after giving him a quick peck on the lips and walking back to the island, and sitting down.

“Naw…I already ate. You go ahead.” Spike didn’t want to tell her that he wasn’t hungry and couldn’t eat at all, fear of just throwing it up afterwards. He had completely lost his appetite, and letting Buffy know that would send her off her rocker with worry.

* * * * *

The rest of the day was spent with Spike mostly resting up, but trying desperately to stay awake with Buffy. After she told him she’d be there when he woke up about a dozen times, he let sleep take him.

It was his birthday tomorrow at 12:00 am exactly, and she wanted to wake him in time to give him a little surprise.

It was 11:57 pm and everything was set up. All she had to do now was wake him up. She checked her watch before quickly straightening out her clothes.

She walked up the stairs and into his room. She quietly opened his door, and walked over to his bed. He looked so peaceful, with his arm thrown over his eyes, and a slight pout on his lips.

She lightly brushed her lips against his in a gentle caress of rousing him from sleep. When he didn’t move she frowned then peeled his arm away from his face. She almost didn’t want to wake him, but she had to. He wasn’t going to miss his birthday.

“Spike?” she said softly.

No response.

“Spike, wake up.”

No response.

After a while she got a little scared, Her breathing picked up, and her heart raced. Her eyes went wide as a horrible thought danced around in her mind.

She shook him lightly, then a little harder.

Spike’s eyes fluttered open slowly, and she sighed in relieve.

“God Spike! You scare the shit out of me!” she put her hand over heart and trying to calm herself down.

“What did I do, I was sleeping?” he replied with a sleepy whine as he rubbed his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it. Look, I want to show you something so…get up and come with me.” Buffy said with an excited voice, jumping up from the side of the bed.

“You know, you’re asking a lot from me right now, luv.” He stated in a playful tone, tossing the blanket of him and throwing his legs off the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, yeah…please hurry! I got a surprise for you…you’re gunna love me for this!” Buffy jumped up on and down on the spot clapping her hands, with a smile that lit up the room.

Spike made his way to the door where Buffy stood, and brushed her hair out of her face. “Don’t need a surprise to love you…I already do.” He placed a kiss on her forehead before Buffy grabbed his hand and walked him down the stairs.

Buffy walked him out the back to door, to reveal the thick, soft and feather stuffed comforter from her bed lying in the middle of her backyard, surrounded by a bunch of wide, three wicked circular candles, giving the midnight air a cinnamon scent. There was another blanket folded neatly in the middle of the white one, blue with pink patches; said blanket being the one Spike ‘accidentally’ brought to England with him. There was also a small box sitting on the blanket, in a navy blue wrapping and a silver bow.

Spike’s jaw had almost dropped to the floor in amazement. “You-you did all this?” he asked Buffy his eyes still on the setting in front of him.

“Yeah-huh! I went out and got some things while you were sleeping.” She told him, walking him into the middle of the blanket. She unfolded the blue and pink blanket, and draped it over them both, as they sat down. “But let me tell ya…you are not easy to shop for. Took me a good couple of hours to find something perfect.” She handed him the box with a happy smile. “Happy Birthday, baby.”

Spike took the box and looked at, then back at her. “Oh, come on…I’m getting nervous, open it.” Spike pulled off the bow, and tore open the wrapping paper. He lifted the lid on the box, and a giddy smile took over his face. Buffy bathed in it…she loved seeing that look.

“Oh my God Buffy…I can believe this!” he stated as looked at the silver Gucci watch. It had a black background with silver roman numerals. The silver had a frosted look to it, and on the back of the clock it had a small, engraved message.

‘William, you’re always in my heart
And I will forever be with you…
Yours eternally, Buffy.’

A tear ran down his ran as he read it, knowing it was true. He slipped it onto his wrist after wiping away the tears. “I love it!” he looked over at Buffy and gave her a happy, but incredulous look. “How the sodding hell could you afford this?”

“Dipped into my savings account, and got one small advance on my allowance.” She said matter-of-factly with a shrug. Spike raised an eyebrow at her accompanied by a knowing look. “Okay…a few big advances…but it was worth it…to see that look? Yeah, it was worth it.” She said the rest in a whisper, almost to herself. But he had heard.

Spike pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly to him.

Happy Birthday indeed. Spike thought.


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Chapter 14: Growing Back/Growing Closer

For the rest of the summer everything was going perfect. Spike was getting better after he got surgery and shortly after that his hair started growing back. The enormous smile on his face when he noticed his hair was longer than the buzz cut he was accustomed to over the summer was something Buffy wouldn’t have traded for the world.

She stood in the doorway watching Spike play with the growing ends in the mirror. Spike turned to look at her his face glowing.

“I got hair! See, see…it’s growing back, I didn’t even notice it until now!” Buffy took note of the childish tone her boyfriend had. He sounded like a seven year old that just found five bucks on the road. His hair was about halfway to being the length it used to be.

He squeezed a blob of hair gel in his hand then rubbed them together and ran them through his hair, styling it in soft brown spikes. He was slowly getting the bad boy look back. In a month or two when my hair grows out to its regular length, I’ll bleach it again. He promised himself.

Buffy just smiled, and walked up behind him snaking her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder blade, and played with the hem of his shirt.

“Cordy just called…her Willow and the guys are going to go to the Bronze. Wanna go? You can show them you’re hair…” Buffy said the last part with a giggle.

“Yeah…let’s go. Haven’t been down there in a while, what with school startin up and all.” Spike turned around in her arms and placed a soft kiss to her lips.

“Okay…well let me just freshen up and we can be on our way.” Buffy then walked back into the bedroom to get ready.

* * * * *

“How’s he doin’? I-I mean how did Buffy sound when you talked to her? She should be okay right, cause Spike’s okay now, and we don’t have to worry about, you know, him feelin all with the queasy, right?” Willow asked one right after the other, not giving herself the chance to breath.

“Whoa Wills…chill out. Buffy said he was fine. Said he was doin a lot better than last week. They should be here any minute.” Cordy assured, as she searched the floor for the two.

“Yeah…Spike said he even feels up to singin’ again. Seems like things are started to look up.” Xander rubbed his hands together. “Man, I miss those guys…I mean we barely get to see them, with an exception of in class but otherwise…” Xander trailed off in thought. “Why do you think that is?”

The two girls, Oz, and Gunn all stared at him with raised brows, or knowing looks.

“What?”

“Oh come on…a twelve year old could tell ya why…” Willow stated hiding her giggle along with everyone else.

“Well in case you haven’t noticed…Xander’s got the brain capacity of a ten year old.” Gunn joked causing the whole table to laugh.

“Ha ha, very funny. No, really why?”

Cordy sighed loudly, getting out the last of her laugh out before she spoke. “Xander please don’t tell me you’re that naïve.” Cordy placed a comforting hand on her boyfriend’s back. “Those two have been do it like animals in heat ever since Spike was healed from surgery.”

Willow decided to jump in to the convo. “Yeah…I mean they can barely not do it in class…you have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice the sexual tension between them. Spike was ‘out of order’ for lack of a better idiom, for almost two months…you really thing they wouldn’t make up for lost time?”

“I’m dumb!” Xander stated with a goofy grin, insulting himself for not realizing what’s been going on between his friends.

“It’s alright Xander, it gets the best of us.” Oz spoke for the first time. “Not me of course…I just choose not to talk. Saves me the trouble of embarrassment.” He finished in an expressionless manner.

The group continued to laugh at Xander’s expense.

* * * * *

“Mmm…Spike. We should really get inside. The guys are waiting for us.” Buffy managed to get out between kisses.

Spike kissed Buffy one last time before pulling away, trying hard to ignore the whimper the she made from the loss of contact. “Yeah, you’re right. I thought I’d be okay after the two times at the house…but I was very wrong.” Spike’s voice lowered as he kissed Buffy passionately once more.

The sound of the Bronze door bursting open caused them to jump away from each other with surprise. The two fixed themselves up before walking into the Bronze as nonchalant as possible.

They found the gang at the usual spot in the back and quickly made their way through the crowd hand in hand.

“Hey guys…sorry we’re late, we had a-a-” Buffy’s stutter was cut short by Spike.

“A thing! We had a thing to-um-take care of before we left. Yes!” Spike got out with more confidence that he felt. He accented his ‘yes’ with a nod.

“Mmhm!” Buffy squeaked out in agreement.

“Riiiiiiight…do ya really think we were born yesterday?” Cordy asked with one brow raised.

“Yeah…we know what you were doin’. You don’t hide it very well.” Gunn stated with a chuckle.

“Uh, Spike? You got a little lipstick…” Willow said rubbing her lip where the lipstick was on him.

Spike quickly brought his hand to his mouth to wipe off the make-up. The couple blushed profusely knowing they’ve been caught red handed.

“So! Anyways…” Buffy stopped and noticed everyone’s expecting looks. “Oh, I have nothing to say…that was my attempt at shooing away the topic of mine and Spike’s sex life.”

“Well, on that note…the band has a gig at the Jolt in a couple of days, Spike are your pipes up to par?” Xander announced to the table.

“Yeah, always have been! Wait, the Jolt? We got a gig at the Jolt?! How, I mean they don’t have open mic night there.” Spike replied.

“No, man…not open mic. An actual gig…we gon’ be up there with the big boys Blondie!” Gunn exclaimed with a grin.

“Really that’s great! How did this happen?” Spike asked excitedly. Buffy noticed the obvious happiness in his eyes and was happy for him. He loved singing, and nearly bit off the doctor’s head when he told him he should put the band on hold for a while.

“I got a friend…the DJ hooked us up. He heard us play here once and thought we were great.” Oz jumped into the conversation with a smile on his face.

It shocked everyone at the table, but no one called him on it.

“Well that’s just great, baby. And you know I’ll be there to watch you.” Buffy said to Spike, before placing a kiss on his lips.

Willow started looking around the Bronze, craning her neck towards the door.

“Who ya lookin for Wills? And what’s with the blinding smile…not that I’m not happy that you’re happy it’s just-I’ll shut up now.” Buffy rambled, in a rush.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you. I invited a friend of mine from my Wicca group…she’s a little shy, but get on the right topic, and she’ll talk your ear off. She’s really sweet too.” Willow told the group with a giggle. Willow found her friend in the crowd and frantically waved over to her.

“Hey! Tara this is Buffy, Spike, Cordelia, Oz, Gunn, and Xander…everyone this is Tara.” Willow pointed out her friends as she said their names, and each gave a wave, smile or a nod, in greeting.

“Hi.” Tara sat down in the seat beside Willow.

The gang quickly accepted Tara as a part of the group. Willow was right, you get her on a topic she likes, and she’s not so shy anymore. They got to talk about the Wicca group, and the different things they did in it. The conversation was cut short when the announcer got on stage.

“Hey party people!! Hope everyone’s havin fun! Now please welcome to the stage…DJ Shift!” The crowd cheered as the DJ got on stage behind his booth.

He waited for his praises to die down before playing the song.

When Spike heard a slow song start up, he stood up offering his hand to Buffy, who accepted, and walked her to the dance floor.

Cordy looked over at Xander, glare in place, and arms crossed.

“What?” quickly getting it, he did the same with Cordy and brought her into the middle of the dance floor.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy’s waist and pulled her closer to him. Grabbing her hands, he pulled one around his neck and held the other in his hand over his heart. She smiled brightly at him, as she played with the blonde curls behind his head.

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

All that was going through Buffy’s head was the words of that last verse, and how much she loved the man holding her in his arms. She thought how lucky they both were for the surgery and his recover to be a complete success. She buried her head in his hard chest, smiling, as an overwhelming feeling of happiness took over her.

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Spike still couldn’t believe that Buffy; the one women that knew him better than anyone, was living in his arms, and completely in love with him just as much as he was in love with her.

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

He rested his cheek on the top of her head. Everything is gunna be okay. Spike repeated his mantra over in his head. I’ll never leave her…I couldn’t if I tried.

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

The blonde couple held each other tighter not wanting to let go of the warm embrace even though the song was over.


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Chapter 15: My Heart Can’t Tell You No

The next few weeks went better than Spike could have hoped for. The gig at the Jolt was a complete success, and they were signed on to perform there twice a week now; the doctor said that he was getting healthier by the day and in no time he would be back to his normal self.

His and Buffy’s relationship was stronger than ever, and he knew that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. She was so special to him that he couldn’t think of what his life would be like if he didn’t come back to California. She literally lit up his world. Made him see things that seemed so far away before he showed up on her doorstep.

There was a part of him that honestly didn’t think that he was going to make it through this struggle with his life. He was close to letting it take him the pain was so unbearable. But she was his reason to stay. He loved her too much to force her to go through all that hurt, just so he could be free…be at rest.

Buffy sat at her desk in her room, scribbling down words onto a piece of paper. The gang had asked if she wanted back in the band and she agreed willingly. She found singing and writing such a way of release…a way of being herself and letting go of trapped feelings and emotions.

Plus it gave her a chance to sing with Spike. Everybody in ‘Blood Lust’ thought that their voices would mesh well together and they were both down to give it a shot. But at the moment Buffy was writing something more for him personally than for others to hear. She wanted to Spike to be the only one to hear the words.

She would have loved to have sung them out to him in front of everyone…proving her love for him, like he did for her but, she wanted it to be more personal than anything…something that he knew was for him only.

‘…dreams we left…’

‘…within…reach…your love…’

The words were there in her mind all jumbled up, waiting to be sorted through, and written out. Frustrated, Buffy rubbed her hands over her face. Her and Spike were suppose to go to the Jolt with the band for a gig in about thirty minutes, and she hadn’t even gotten in a verse of this new song. She moved to the keyboard she had set up in the corner of her room, and figured out a tune for the song. She sat there for about twenty minutes fooling around with it until it matched the rhythm of the words.

She practiced the melody on the keyboard, and picked up on it quickly. Okay now that that’s out of the way, all I got to do is actually write the song.

Making a sound of frustration she tucked the lined pad of paper under her clothes in her dresser, Buffy moved to her closet to pick out an outfit. After rifling through her wardrobe, she decided on a blood red dress that fell just above her knee, and was rimed with two centimeters of black lace around the hem of the dress and the v-shaped neckline that plunged nicely, showing off her lightly bronzed skin.

After slipping it on, and finding the black strappy heels to match, Buffy walked her to her mirror and pinned one side of her golden tresses up with a clip letting the other half flow naturally.

Walking down the steps and into the living room, Buffy noticed Joyce and Spike sitting on the couch casually watching TV.

“…they didn’t last long though, a week or two at the most. It was like she just lost interest.” Joyce finished off with a smile.

“Who lost interest in what?” Buffy asked, leaning against the doorframe, with her arms crossed in front of her. She had a feeling it was about her, and it didn’t bother her much…just as long as it was nothing too embarrassing.

Spike looked up at her and let a dazzling smile take over his face. It still amazed her that she could make him so happy just by gracing him with her presence. “You look stunning, love.” Spike stood and gave her a light kiss on the lips.

She returned the smile, and took in his outfit. “Thanks…as do you kind sir.” She complemented back with a twinkle in her eyes. “So…” Buffy looked over Spike’s shoulder at her mother. “What kind of embarrassing things are you spouting off to my boyfriend? Hm?” she asked with a raised brow and a knowing smile.

“She was just tellin me how none of your past boyfriends lasted longer than a week. That you just seemed to lose interest. I must be special cause I’m still here.” He stated with a smirk that still made her weak in the knees. Buffy couldn’t hide the blush that crept up her cheeks.

Joyce stood from the couch, and quietly slipped into the kitchen, without disturbing the blonde couple.

After a seemingly long make-out session, Buffy pulled away, with a giddy smile. “We better go. Big gig and all.”

“Can’t we just skip it and say we got sick or something?” Spike tried.

“Uh-uh.” She replied with a shake of her head.

“Damn.”

* * * * *

Buffy and Spike entered through the back of the club, and met up with the rest of the band, who were starting to set up back stage.

“Hey guys…you ready?” Buffy asked with an excited hop.

“Never been more ready in my life.” Gunn replied.

“Well…we better get up there. The MC’s about to do our intro.” Spike stated, hugging Buffy closer to him.

After they took their places on stage, the MC stepped on the stage as well, and stood in front of his own mic. “Hey, how’s everybody doin tonight?” after a round of applause, he continued. “Alright tonight I’d like to welcome back a great band to the Jolt. Now we’re gunna take it back to the 90’s tonight with an old classic with Buffy Summers and Spike Giles on vocals. Please give a round of applause for ‘Bloodlust’!” The whole club cheered, as Xander and Oz played the first cords of the song, and Gunn, started up the beat.

Spike held onto his mic that was on the stand and sand out the first verse; his voice enchanting every single woman in the room.

I don’t want you
To come round here no more
I beg you for mercy
You don’t know how strong
My weakness is
Or how much it hurts me
Cause when you said it over with him
I want to believe its true
So I let you in knowing tomorrow
I’m gonna wake up missing you
Wake up missing you

Buffy sang out the chorus next, in her sweet angelic-like voice. She looked over at Spike with a smile on her face, selling the song to the crowd.

When the one you loves
In love with someone else
Don’t you know its torture
I mean its a living hell
No matter how I try to convince myself
This time I wont lose control
One look in your blue eyes
And suddenly my heart cant tell you no

Xander, Oz and Gunn took the interlude, playing out the pause between the verses. Buffy and Spike blended their voices together for the next verse, cause a beautiful range of vocals to fill the room. In Spike’s thoughts, Buffy never looked more gorgeous than when she was singing.

I don’t want you
To call me up no more
Saying you need me
You’re crazy if you think
Just half your love
Could ever please me
Still I want to hold you, touch you
When you look at me that way
There’s only one solution I know
You gotta stay away from me
Stay away from me

Spike soon went on again to do another solo, looking at Buffy intensely from his position on stage. These were the moments he cherished. Singing was something he loved, and so was Buffy…so having both of those things together, put him in the happiest of moods.

When the one you loves
In love with someone else
Don’t you know its torture
I mean its a living hell
No matter how I try to convince myself
This time I wont lose control
One look in your sad eyes
And suddenly my heart cant tell you no
My heart cant tell you no

The petite blonde finally sang out her last and favorite solo, looking over at her boyfriend. Instead of belting out, Buffy sang sweetly and softly, her voice light as it floated through the room.

I don’t want you
To come round here no more
I beg you for mercy
You don’t know how strong
My weakness is
Or how much it hurts me
Cause when you say its over with her
I want to believe its true
So I let you in knowing tomorrow
I’m gonna wake up missing you
Wake up missing you

The two belted out the last lines of the song; putting all the passion they had for singing, and for each other into the words until the music stopped.

When the one you loves
In love with someone else
Don’t you know its torture
I mean its a living hell, a living hell
When the one you loves
In love with someone else
Don’t you know its torture
I mean its a living hell, a living hell

The crowd cheering and screamed for the band, after the song ended, and the smiles on the band’s faces was enough to show they were proud of their performance.

The blondes called a thank you to the people in the club and exited the stage happily.


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Chapter 16: Just Yours

It had been two days since Buffy and Spike had performed at the Jolt, and Buffy was happy to say that her song for Spike was finally finished. It usually didn’t take her that long to write songs, but she had written, read, erased then re-wrote trying to get it perfect. And the finished project was better than she could have hoped.

She bubbly flounced down the stairs and into the kitchen where Spike and Joyce were making breakfast. “Hello all!” she exclaimed. She gave her mother, who was cooking at the stove a kiss on the cheek. “Mom…” she then moved over to her boyfriend who was cutting vegetables at the counter. “Baby…” she wrapped her arms around his waist from the back and Spike turned his head to give her a kiss on the lips. She smiled brightly at him before he turned back to his task. Giving him one more kiss to his shoulder, she continued. “So…homework’s all finished. Anything I can do down here?”

Joyce turned around and smiled at the cute display. “Ah, yes, honey…can you set the table please?”

“On it.” Buffy moved around the kitchen and grabbed what she needed, stealing glances at Spike as she did so. She really hoped he liked what she had planned for them.

* * * * *

After dinner Buffy and Spike went for a drive to their private childhood spot. Buffy wanted to kill a little time before going back to the house. Her mom knew she had a surprise planned for Spike so she said she’d leave to give them a little alone time.

They sat under the willow tree for about half an hour talking about silly random rumors that were going around the college. People had been talking about the two of them and how they were supposedly ‘Broken Up’ because the two haven’t been seen together as of late. The truth was, that Spike had soccer on his free time, and Buffy had dancer on her free time. So pretty much the only time the couple had together was in one or two classes, and after class was over.

Since Sunnydale was such a small town, things got around quite fast. And there wasn’t a lot to talk about on a daily basis. So when someone that used to live here came back after eight years, to reunite with his best friend it was headline news. And it only got around faster when they found out about Spike having cancer, and the relationship that bloomed between the best friends. The blonde couple was pretty much the topic of almost every conversation that summer, and it only made them stronger in the end.

“We should probably be heading back now.” Buffy stated, lifting her head off of Spike’s shoulder.

“You sure? I mean it’s still early.” Spike asked with a raised brow. He was a little worried about her. She had been spending a lot of time by herself up in her room lately, and he was starting to think something was up with her. She still showed affection towards him, and he knew that she hadn’t stopped loving him, but she was being a little distant and it was starting to scare him.

“Yeah I know…but I kinda just want to do the veg-thing. Ya know, just sit on the couch and watch a movie or something.” Buffy stood up and brushed the dirt off her jeans.

“Buffy…” Spike started hesitantly. When she looked down at him, with a smile he continued. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t it be? Everything is perfectly Buff-tastic.” Buffy put on a big smile, and watched as Spike stood up, and brushed off his duster. She was really nervous.

He looked at her intensely. “If something was wrong, baby, you’d tell me right? You wouldn’t keep anything from me?”

“Will, where is all this coming from? Of course I’d tell you, but seriously nothing’s wrong. Okay? Come on…let’s go.” Buffy gave him a reassuring smile, and held his hand in hers as they walked back to the car.

As they walked through the door, the nerves Buffy was feeling skyrocketed. She had performed in front of hundreds of strangers before and that was easy, but for some reason it made her a little more nervous doing it for one person only. She tried to reason with herself and get herself to relax, but her heart was beating faster by every second.
“I’ll be right back, okay.” Buffy said as she went up the stairs to the bathroom. She needed to compose herself and get everything set up before he came up to join her.

Spike closed the door behind them, hung his duster up on the coat rack and walked into the living room. Sitting on the couch he was slowing starting to see Buffy slip from his hands. He could tell that she was being evasive about something and he couldn’t tell what but he really didn’t like it. She was his life and he was not ready to give her up yet. Or ever. He thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Buffy was in her room and singing the words to the song in her head, and taking deep breaths to control her nerves.

Taking off her jacket and slipping into her blue silk drawstring pajama pants, and a matching lace camisole, she called Spike upstairs.

* * * * *

When Spike heard her call for him to come upstairs, he stood up and slowly made his way up to her room. When he got there, he took a deep breath before pushing open the door, to the room where he had spent majority of his nights.

What he saw was not at all what he was expecting. Buffy was sitting behind her keyboard on the cushioned bench cross-legged with her hands folded in her lap. “Hey! Took you long enough. Come on sit down.” Buffy said with a bright smile, as she gestured him to sit on her bed.

When he sat down, Buffy took a deep breath, and looked up at him. “Okay…I know if been a little distant lately, but I had a good reason I promise. I was putting something together for you.” Spike looked slightly surprised and raised his eyebrows at her. “Yup! I’ve been thinking it up for a while now but I never really had time to put it down on paper cause of everything that was going on. Okay…I’m a little nervous, so bare with me here.”

Buffy lowered her feet to the ground, and then cracked her fingers before placing them lightly above the starting keys. She played the first cords and let the music echo through the room.

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I’ll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I’ll look and see your face
You were right there for me

While Spike listened to the words flowing from Buffy’s mouth, he tried to keep the tears from falling. The words touched him more than anything, and he didn’t know if his could possibly love her any more than this exact moment with her singing to him.

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be

Buffy looked up at her boyfriend and her eyes shone as she sang the chorus. Her green orbs held an intensity that reflected in his, and they spoke louder than words themselves.

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be

Buffy noticed the tears in William’s eyes, and could barely keep hers at bay. But still, she kept her voice strong, and continued to sing for him with everything she was. She put her heart and soul into writing this song, and all of it was showing as she voiced her feelings to her lover, and best friend.

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

Buffy belted out the last line sending simultaneous shudders crawling up both Buffy and Spike’s spine. Buffy closed her eyes, and let the music wash over her while she allowed her delicate fingers to lightly tap the white keys of the keyboard.

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
There…you’ll be

After Buffy finished the song she smiled at Spike, and walked over into his embrace. The two lay down on the bed together cuddled in each other’s arms.

“That was beautiful, baby.” Spike kissed her on the forehead, then cheek then lips. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” Spike hugged her closer, and ran his hand through her golden locks.

“Well, I wanted to give you something that was just yours, you know, something that’s just between you and me. And then…one day, we can sing it together.” Buffy stated, smiling up at Spike with her eyes shimmering with tears.

“Well, that sounds like a plan to me. Probably make everyone cry, but it’ll be well worth it.” They both laughed, and Buffy snuggled her head on his chest. “You know what?”

“What?” she replied, as she was slowly starting to get pulled into slumber.

“I actually thought you were taking me up here to break up with me.” Spike admitted with a nervous laugh, as he looked down at Buffy.

“What?!” Buffy sat up and looked him incredulously. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Well, you were kinda avoiding me the past little while. What was I suppose to think?” Spike countered, sitting up as well.

“I wasn’t avoiding you, I was busy writing the song, silly. I was writing the music and the lyrics, and I wanted to keep it a surprise so I pushed you a way a little so I didn’t accidentally let it slip. I’m sorry.” Buffy explained with a smile.

“It’s okay. I’m happier with this outcome anyway.” He claimed, pulling her back into his arms. The two of them lay down on the bed, and closed their eyes.

“Me too.” Buffy agreed right before she fell asleep.



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Chapter 17: Our Happily Ever After…Sort Of

6 Years later- September 7, 2011

“Lana! Hurry up, sweetie you’re gunna be late for your first day of school.” Buffy called up the stairs, twirling her keys on the index finger.

“I’m coming, mommy! Daddy’s just doing my hair.” The little girl yelled, and appeared seconds later. “See? He put my hair in ponytails. Do you like them?” She exclaimed with a big smile, wagging the said ponytails in the air.

“Love them…come on let’s go. Get in the car, I’ll be there in a second.” Buffy handed her daughter her Sponge bob backpack, and patted her butt playfully out the door, causing the five year old to giggle.

Buffy waited with a smile on her face as Spike walked down the stairs in a black beater and dark gray sweatpants, and watched as he breathed a sigh of relief. “That is something the mommies are suppose to do. That’s your job from now on, alright?” Spike placed a kiss on his wife’s forehead, and smiled down at her.

Buffy smiled back at him, ran her hands up and down his bare arms. “Do you ever stop and think: ‘When did our lives get so perfect?’” she asked in a soft tone.

“Right around when you opened the door, to me standing on your porch.” Spike suggested, running his fingers through Buffy’s straight blonde locks.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Buffy looked at her watch. “Oh, I got to go. Mom said she’d pick up Lana from school today so I can get ready for tonight. I’m also leaving early from work; we have a meeting this morning, then it’s a lot of research and writing the rest of the day for me, so I’ll see if I can just sneak away, and do it later. I love you.” Buffy gave him a kiss on the lips.

“I love you, too. I’ll call you when I get my break…we can meet up for lunch?” Spike asked, handing Buffy her purse and jacket.

“Yup! Bye, baby.” Buffy walked out the door and jogged around the front of the car to the driver’s side.

“Bout time, mom.” Lana said teasingly.

“Sorry, honey.” Buffy buckled herself in and put the key in the ignition. “Okay, you know Grandma’s picking you up today from school right?”

“Yuh-huh! You and daddy told me like a million times. It’s your ‘special day’.” The little girl quoted, with a smile.

That day was Buffy and Spike’s 4-year anniversary. One and a half years after Buffy wrote Spike the song, Spike had proposed to her, and a few months after that Buffy found out that she was pregnant. The two decided to wait until after the baby was born to have the wedding, because Buffy wanted the baby to be a part on the wedding. So when Lana was a year old the two of the got married with their little girl by their side.

After Buffy graduated from UC Sunnydale, she went on to become an intern at ELLE magazine, and then worked her way up to head in journalism after a year and a half. She had her own two-page column of which she could write about whatever she wished. She loved her career intensely and knew that she was lucky to be where she was already. It took some employees years to get to the rank that she was at, and she was blessed to excel so quickly.

Spike himself, had been noticed by scout from the national soccer team while playing for UC Sunnydale, and was offered a spot on the team. He had been reluctant at first, knowing that it meant leaving the state to play at away games, but after Buffy had insisted that he join, and to not give up on his dream, he had. She promised that she would go along with him to his away games, and when he mentioned her work, she told him that she could communicate with everyone there through her laptop.

They were living out their happily ever after ending. They were a happy little family of three, with thoughts of making it four.

* * * * *

Buffy sat to the left of her boss, who sat at the head of the long glass table in the meeting room. People started to walk in and seat themselves at the table, pulling out their folders and readying themselves for the meeting.

“Okay, now that everyone is here, I want to talk about the next issue.” Anya Jenkins stood up and spoke clearly to the employees before her. “Now…people are talking; saying ELLE isn’t the ‘it’ magazine anymore. Our costumers are starting to reach for People magazine instead of ELLE and that means no money coming in for our company!” Anya picked up a People magazine and proved that the columns were more enticing. “Look at this! We need frickin awesome articles in this next issue people, not just average ones!” Anya tossed the magazine into the middle of the table. “I’m talking extreme…something that’s gunna draw people in: moms, dads, teenagers…something that everyone can relate to. Okay? Deadline’s in two weeks.” Anya sat down, and started to flip through some files she had stacked in front of her. The meeting room was quiet, no one quite sure what to say. Anya looked up and sighed in an annoyed fashion. “You can leave now.” As everyone started putting his or her things away, she called out. “Remember: something good. And if I don’t like it you’re fired!” she said, in a firm voice that showed her authority. “Ooh I like that…” she thought out loud to herself.

Anya turned to Buffy as she watched her pack up her things. “Buffy…you’re one of the best journalists I have. That’s why you’re only one step down from my position. Half a year at most and you’ll be sitting right here.” Anya pointed to the seat she was just in at the head of the table. “You’re the best Buffy…so I’ll be expecting the best.” Anya gave her favorite employee a smile, as she walked out of the office.

“And the best you will get.” Buffy stated to herself. It’ll just have to wait until after tonight.

Buffy packed up her stuff and went back to her office to quickly finish up some things before she went to meet Spike for lunch.

* * * * *

Spike kicked the soccer ball into the top right corner of the net, and turned to the side to wait until his coach tossed him another ball. Spike bounced it off his head, and passed it to another player, who bounced it off his head to another player, who bounced it off his chest, to the ground, then kicked it passed one of their teammates in between the goal posts.

“All right, boys! One more drill: I want you to dribble the ball through the cones ten times, and if you touch the cones at all you have to start over again. From there, do five laps around the field then you can hit the showers!” the coach yelled out as the soccer team got everything set up for their next drill. He blew the whistle loudly. “GO!!”

As Spike went through the drill, he thought about how excited he was about his and Buffy date tonight. He couldn’t believe just how far the two of them have gotten. How much they had overcome in the years they’ve been together. Spike noticed he had already gone through the drill nine times. One more…I wonder what’s it store for after the date. Lana’s staying with Joyce, Buffy and I will have the whole house to ourselves. Just that thought nearly made Spike trip, causing him to hit the last cone.

“Giles! 10 more…what with you today? You’re off your game!” The coach asked concerned.

“Sorry, Coach. Just got a lot on my mind is all.” He said cryptically, with a slight blush on his cheeks. Spike went and started all over again, this time keeping his mind clear of Naked Buffy.

* * * * *

About half an hour later Spike walked into the quaint little restaurant that was a five-minute drive away from both of them. He strolled over to where Buffy was sitting, wearing black slacks and a tan button-up shirt. She could tell his hair was still wet from his shower, as she noticed his unruly blonde curls.

“Sorry I’m late, baby. I had to do a couple of extra drills before I hit the showers.” Spike sat across from her after giving her a soft kiss on the lips, and a loving smile. At Buffy’s confused frown, he continued. “I kinda zoned out while doing a drill, and hit a cone while doing dribbles…so David made me do them again.”

The two picked up their menus and looked over the lunch specials. “What did you get all zone-y about? That’s usually not like you.” Buffy claimed glancing over her menu to look at Spike with a suspicious stare.

“Well…” Spike placed his menu down, and smiled slyly at his wife. “I was actually thinking about tonight, our date. And also…after the date.” Spike wagged his brows at her suggestively causing her to blush.

Spike loved how after all these years, after all the things they had done together, she still blushed at his innuendos. When the waitress came the two ordered and continued to make plans for their night.

* * * * *

The night had gone as beautifully as planned. The blonde couple went out for dinner at a small Italian restaurant called Signorile’s downtown and then afterward, headed to their spot by the willow tree.

Spike had his back up against the trunk of the tree, with Buffy’s head rested lightly in his lap. They spent the rest of the evening like this; relishing in the absolute flawlessness that was their life.

* * * * *

Buffy was flipping through the channels on the radio on the way home from the willow tree. “Thank you for tonight, honey.” She caressed Spike’s thigh, and gave him a bright smile as he glanced over to her.

Spike grabbed her hand, brought it up to his lips and left kisses along her knuckles. “Happy Anniversary, luv. ‘Sides, we needed that. Our schedules have been really hectic lately; we needed some time to ourselves.” Spike claimed squeezing Buffy’s hand that was now resting on her lap.

“I know.” Buffy sighed loudly. “Anya’s been riding me now harder than ever.” Buffy rested her head lightly on her husband’s shoulder.

“Really? Can I watch?” Spike joked with smirk, earning a light slap on the chest from her.

“Will! No really…she wants something really good. Something everyone can relate to, and she’s expecting the best from me. Talk about pressure. And: I don’t have a thought in my brain.” Buffy groaned out, tired from the long day at work, and the amazing evening following. And of course what was to come when we get home. She thought to herself. But I’m never too tired for that. A small smirk grew on her face as she lifted her head, and looked over at her husband.

“What?” Spike asked taking a small glance at her.

“Nothing…just looking forward to going home that’s all.” Buffy declared innocently.

“Oh really, and why is that?”

“Because…the house is empty.” Buffy spoke in a sultry, sex kitten voice that made Spike lose his breath.

Neither noticed the bright headlights of the semi-truck, until it rammed into the passenger side of their car. The only sounds were the metal crunching, the high pitch screech of brakes, the thumps of the couple’s car rolling down the steep hill, and the endless droning of the horn.

A/N: I’m sorry guys…I had to add a little angst. It got a little too happy. I’m not exactly a fan for the perfect ‘happily ever after’ ending, so angst is what you get…but please stick around. This is where is starts to get good.

Chapter 18: A Talk With A Stranger

When Spike came to, all he saw was a blur of faces looking down on him, calling out medical terms to each other and rushing him into a hospital room.

“…minor fracture to the tibia, two cracked ribs and a possible concussion. We need to get him on a drip now!” the doctor stated to the others around her.

Spike let his eyes flutter shut as black clouded over him.

* * * * *

The next time Spike woke up was to the beeping of the machine he was hooked up to. He looked around the dark, empty room with confused eyes. What happened? He thought to himself. “Buffy…” Spike tried to sit up but realized that it only caused him pain.

“Oh, Mr. Giles…please relax. You need your rest. I’m Dr. Reese by the way.” she said making sure Spike was settled into the bed.

“What happened?” Spike asked, his voice hoarse and dry.

“You were in a car accident, sir…you and your wife. You have a concussion and a few broken bones that will heal in a few months, and your wife…” the doctor trailed off not knowing how to tell him.

“Is she okay? Where is she?” Spike asked desperately, hoping to God she was still alive.

“She’s in intensive care. She just got out of the O.R an hour ago. There was some internal bleeding and quite a few wounds that needed to get stitched up.” Spike’s body deflated as well as sighed in relief. He closed his eyes, and noticed pain, as hot tears ran down his swollen eye and cheekbone. For the first time he became aware of the cut and bruises all over his arms and the ones he was sure were on the rest of his body. “She’s in a coma, and shows no signs of waking anytime soon. The longer she stays in it, the less the chances of her ever waking up. I’m sorry Mr. Giles.” The doctor gave him an apologetic look, then when to look through his charts.

“How long has it been since we’ve been brought in?” Spike asked, wanting to know how much longer he was going to have to wait to see Buffy. He knew he couldn’t get out of the bed if he tried, so waiting was the best and only option.

“About sixteen hours. Is there anyone you need to call? Family? Friends?” Dr. Reese asked carefully.

“Yes! My daughter…she was supposed to be spending the night with my mother-in law. It was our anniversary, we were gunna be out all night so she was baby-sitting.” Spike tried to keep his jumbled brain together. He had so many thoughts going in and out of his head he didn’t know what to do. I hope Buffy’s gunna be okay. What am I gunna tell Lana? Why did this have to happen? What if Buffy doesn’t make it? How do I explain this to Joyce?

“Alright, well there is a telephone right here. Just push this button and a nurse will come and help you.” Dr. Reese walked out of the room, slipping his charts back into their slot.

Spike picked up the phone that was sitting on the movable table that was hovering over his lap. Slowly dialing Joyce’s number, he put the phone to his ear and listened to the ringing.

“Hell-o.” the small voice chirped on the other end.

“Hey baby girl! How are you?” Spike tried to sound cheery, but the tears wouldn’t stop once he heard his little girl’s voice.

“I’m good. Nana’s letting me answer phone calls aaall day. She said it’s good for my soc-e-al skills.” Lana told her father, slowly pronouncing the word.

“Social, niblet.” Spike corrected with a small chuckle that made his ribs ache.

“Right! So, when are you and mommy coming home?” Lana asked with a pout that was detected even over the phone. Just like her mother.

“Um…soon, luv. I’ll see you soon okay?” Spike promised, holding back the sob that wanted to escape.

“Mmk!”

“Okay…can pass the phone to Nana please, niblet?”

“Mhmm!” there was clunking sound, indicating that she put down the phone. A few seconds later the older woman came on the line.

“Hello?”

“Hey mum it’s Spike.” Spike had come to call Joyce mum soon after him and Buffy got married, and Joyce loved having him call her that.

“Hi sweetheart…what’s wrong you sound like you’re crying?” Joyce asked with concern filling her voice.

“Buffy and I got in a car accident on the way home last night. We’re in the hospital.”

“Oh my God! Are you two alright?” her heart was racing twice as fast as usual as horrible thoughts flooded her brain.

“No…I’m gunna be here for a while, few months at the least. Got some broken bones and a concussion, I should be fine though…Buffy got it the worst.” Spike’s voice trailed off with guilt.

“William, what’s wrong with her?” Joyce’s eyes were filling with unshed tears knowing already it wasn’t good.

“She’s in a coma. I haven’t had a chance to see her yet, but it doesn’t sound good.” Spike’s voice faded, and both were silent for a minute. “I’m sorry, Joyce. I’m so sorry.” He cried into the phone, guilt and pain washing over him over and over again.

Joyce comforted the young man she came to look upon as a son, as well as crying for her daughter. An agreement was made that Lana was going to come and see Spike and Buffy in the hospital, within the next few days. He needed to see his daughter and she needed to see her parents. Spike hung up the phone and cried himself back to sleep.

* * * * *

After about two or three weeks lying in bed, Spike asked the nurse if it was okay if he could see his wife. At first she was hesitant, but after seeing the look of longing in his eyes she arranged to have a wheelchair sent to his room, along with someone to assist him.

Joyce and Lana had gone to see Buffy about three times a week, hoping that maybe she would wake soon. But there was no change.

As Spike was wheeled to Buffy’s room, he tried to control his racing heartbeat and calm his nerves. For the first time in weeks, he was to see his wife, and Spike had no clue what to expect.

When he first saw her, he thought she was dead. The pale tinge to her face and the dark circles that shadowed her once vibrant eyes gave her a deathly aura. The shallow rise and fall of her chest was almost unnoticeable, and the deep cuts and dark bruises all over her body made his heart clench.

He wheeled himself to her bedside, and grabbed her pale, lifeless hand and brought it up to his lips, leaving a tender kiss on each knuckle. “Hey, baby. You have to pull through this okay? You have to wake up for me, luv. I need you…and Lana needs you. The Buffy I know wouldn’t dare let something like this bring her down. You’re gunna go out fighting remember?” Spike paused letting the realness of what happened hit him hard. Tears ran down his swollen cheeks. “Come on, pet. You wouldn’t give up on me, so I’m not gunna give up on you. I’m gunna be here for you just like you were there for me.” Spike rested his forehead against her limp hand, and cried.

He cried for Buffy, he cried for Lana and Joyce. He cried for how messed up his life got in the time it took for the semi to hit their car, and for how his life would be without the love of his life. Spike felt a slight twitch of Buffy’s fingers, and quickly looked up at her face.

He watched her intensely, waiting for her to wake fully. When she didn’t open her eyes, and showed no sign of rousing from her deep sleep, Spike frowned in confusion.

“It happens sometimes.” A soft voice sounded from the doorway. Spike looked over and noticed the petite blonde standing there with her arms hugging her body. The look on her face was full of pain and suffering. “Their nerves…you may think they’re responding. But they’re not. I’m sorry…I’m Darla.” The woman stated with a bitter smile.

“Spike.” He returned, sniffling. “You visiting?” he asked. He thought that maybe if he had someone to talk to, the load might be a little lighter.

“Yeah…my brother.” She pointed to the teenage boy lying in the bed diagonally from Buffy’s. “He uh…he was shot at, by some drug dealers downtown. He had no part of it…just at the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess. He won’t be waking up anytime soon.” Darla lowered her head to hide the tears building up in her eyes. And a second she lifted her head to look at him. “Girlfriend?” she asked, nodding towards Buffy.

“Wife.” He corrected. “We were hit by a semi-truck a few weeks ago. She fell into a coma…she hasn’t woken up.” Spike choked out. “It was our anniversary…we were heading home, our daughter was with my mother-in-law, the night was supposed to be perfect.”

Darla pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. “What’s her name?” she questioned.

“Buffy…she was my best friend since childhood. We grew up together until I was ten, then I moved back to England with my dad. I didn’t come back for years. I wasted so much of my time wallowing in my own self-pity that I missed out on eight years of my best friend’s life, eight years that I’d promise to be there for…and I wasn’t.” Spike glanced over at Buffy, and brushed a lock of hair out of her pale-looking face.

“Why not? I’m sorry I don’t mean to pry…it’s just-I’m sorry.” Darla moved to stand, but stopped when Spike gently grasped her wrist.

“Please…stay. I don’t mind, really. I need to get this out.” As Darla sat back down, Spike continued. “I was diagnosed with stomach cancer when I was thirteen. I was getting treated in London, but my dad wanted me to come here to get treatment. It was more effective, I guess. But I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want Buffy to see me like that. Finally I caved and left England when I was eighteen. Seeing her again just blew me away.” Spike smiled at the memory of Buffy opening the door, and practically leaping into his arms.

Darla saw the love Spike held for his wife in his eyes, and smiled to herself.

Spike continued on with the story that was he and Buffy, letting all the beautiful and the ugly memories wash over him. “-Then about a year after Lena was born we got married.” Spike finished off. It was nice talking to this woman. She listened and actually knew where he was coming from. “So what about you? What’s your life story?”

Darla chuckled lightly. “Oh boy…where do I begin?” she asked herself cynically. Taking a deep breath she started. “All my life, I was in and out of foster homes with Connor.” She nodded her head towards the boy lying in the bed. “A few were ok, a lot were bad…and even more than that were worse. Foster parents are supposed to protect you, take care of you. They don’t. At least not the ones that I ended up with.” She stated with a choked voice. Darla bowed her head, letting her hair curtain her face from Spike, hiding her tears. Lifting her head again to look at her brother, she continued. “I didn’t think it could get any worse until we got split up. I couldn’t protect him like I used to. Some pretty bad things happened to us in those homes everyday that most people don’t go through in their whole lives. I tired to get out of the house as much as I could to see him but it was hard. As soon as I turned eighteen I was out. I started waiting tables at a diner downtown when I was sixteen so moving into my own apartment wasn’t a problem.

I pulled Connor out of the system, and he stayed with me. Everything was fine until a few months ago. He was doing well in school just about to graduate, and my life was starting to pick up…after I finished College I became a dance instructor at a studio on the outskirts of town.” Darla’s face became one of daze. “He was just picking up milk from the corner store for us…I know we don’t exactly live in the good part of town, but no one would have seen it coming.” Tears began to trail down her creamy white cheeks, as she reminisced about the shooting of her brother. Darla had always felt guilt for sending him down that night, and wished with everything she had that she didn’t.

Spike and Darla comforted each other, and cried for their loved ones. Despite the horrible circumstances, Spike was actually glad that he met her. There was someone else in the world that felt the same pain as his, someone he could share the hurt that he felt so deep in his heart. And he could help her in the process. She obviously didn’t have anyone else but her brother, and being alone in the world would be the hardest thing to go through at this time.

He watched her while she spoke to him. She was beautiful, very beautiful. And she clearly had a kind heart, despite what she’d been through. But the relationship that he felt building between them was completely platonic on both sides. The needed solace…and someone to help get through the storm hanging above their heads.

Chapter 19 PART I: It's Times Like These

When Spike woke the next morning he felt the pain of his bruises and cracked ribs. Keeping his eyes closed, he willed the pain away, and that’s when he heard the hushed voices of the nurses in his room.

“I just think that we should tell him now before he gets his hopes too high.” one nurse stated quietly.

“He’s going to be broken! He’s gone through enough as it is. We should wait until he’s adapted to the situation better.” The red headed nurse argued in a whisper.

That’s when Spike stepped in. “Tell me what?” he said with a groggy voice.

Both nurses whipped their heads around to look at the man trying to pull himself into a more comfortable position. “Oh nothing, sir. Are you ready for you’re medication now?” said the red head.

He nodded his head, but looked at the both questioningly. Kelly; that’s what her nametag said, grabbed the pills that would help him with the pain, and placed them in his hand along with a cup of water.

The first nurse stepped towards the bed. “Actually there is something we need to tell you.” Kelly glared at her, as she continued. “Your wife has little to no brain wave activity. Usually those that make it out of a coma, show signs of dreaming or thoughts at the least. Your wife isn’t showing any signs of waking up soon or anywhere down the road.” she frowned sympathetically. “The chances are slim, but if she does…she’ll be completely incapable of doing anything for herself. She won’t be able to speak, walk, remember you or anyone for that matter.”

Spike took this in and didn’t even notice himself crying until a tear landed on his hand. He couldn’t control the sobbing that took over him. He lost his wife. And his daughter just lost her mother. And he was lost without her. Nothing mattered anymore, except for Lana, and he had to get her through this. He’d be strong for her…his daughter who was a spitting image of her mother.

Kelly wiped the few tears that fell from her face. A lot of the nurses knew of the young couple and the sweet story behind them, and it broke Kelly’s heart to see more pain enter this man’s life.

The two nurses left the room together. “God, you didn’t have to be so harsh.” Kelly whispered to the more experienced nurse as they left.

“You can’t get attached, Kelly. You have to state the facts and get straight to the point. Once you start a connection with the patients is when our job gets harder. Trust me I know.” With that Kelly follow the other nurse to do their rounds.

* * * * *

Spike sat in the wheelchair by Buffy’s bedside, weeping with her limp hand in both of his. He was saying his goodbyes. So were Joyce, and Lana…and Willow and Xander, Cordelia, Gunn, Oz and Tara. They all agreed that even if she did wake up, that was no way for Buffy to live. She was a bright and happy person, and trapping her in a body that was unable to do anything was not what everyone wanted for her.

After a couple of hours everyone left Spike, Lana, and Joyce to mourn the loss of their beloved Buffy. The Doctor had pulled her plug, called time of death and left the room with apologies. Joyce went to fill out all the paper work and left Lana with Spike.

“So, When will we see mommy again?” Lana asked with tears in her eyes, and pain in her voice.

Spike took a deep breath. “You’ll see her in your dreams, luv. Every night she’ll be with you…you just have to believe she’s there. Mummy will always love you, kitten. And I’ll always be there for you.”

He held her close and kissed her. It was times like these that his young daughter shouldn’t have to go through such heartache.

* * * * *

Chapter 19 PART II: I Think She Sang


12 years later… September 7, 2023

Spike looked at himself in the mirror in the bathroom. He was 36, and his age was starting to catch up with him. He needed to stop brooding so much. Both people walked around the house somberly; grabbing things needed for the night, and dressing for the evening. It was still hard 12 years later, but together they were stronger.

Lana glanced over to the man starting the car. “Are you sure you’re ready for this, Dad?” said the seventeen year old. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can do it alone.”

“No.” Spike smiled brightly at his daughter that looked every day more and more like Buffy. “This is something I have to do…something that we both need to do.” Spike threw the car in park once they reached the parking lot, and both of them got out of the car, walking towards the bright flashing light above the door of the establishment.

Lana grabbed her father’s hand to reassure him. The two of them had grown so close in the past six years that they became the other’s rock. Lana had grown wise beyond her years, and was happy that she thought to do something as special as this for him and for her mother.

Lana had found the sheets of music and lyrics one day a few weeks ago, while cleaning out the attic, and promised her dad that her song would be heard. Spike and Buffy already had her in piano classes by the time she was four, hoping that maybe she would hold the musical gene like her parents did. And boy did she! The way her dainty fingers rolled across the ivory keys was phenomenal. And her voice, like an angel’s. Her voice was piercing and she sounded just like her mother. When she would sing in her room, it would take all his power to not run up there in the hopes of seeing his love.

So when she said she wanted to do this, with him he couldn’t say no. They met up with the Bronze’s manager, who is also the MC, and helped them get set up on stage. All of Buffy’s friends were there sitting at the tables right up front. Xander, Gunn and Oz all offered to play with them, but it was something that they needed to do alone. It was a personal song…A song meant for them to sing. He just wished that Buffy was there with them.

The MC walked on stage as Spike and Lana warmed up. “Alright, ladies and gents. This is a very special night at the Bronze. We have Spike here with his daughter Lana singing a song that their wife and mother wrote years ago. This one’s for Buffy Summers-Giles…we miss you girl!” The manager never changed at the Bronze, and when he heard that Spike wanted to do this for his wife he couldn’t say no to an old friend. He was shocked to hear of her tragic death and promised Spike and Lana that if they ever needed anything to give him a call.

Lana stretched her hands, and placed her hands on the keys of the piano in front of her. Spike took his spot on the stool and grabbed the cordless mic from the MC. “Thank you.” he said into it. “Buffy wrote this song for me when we were teenagers…she promised me it was a song that her and I would sing together one day. Unfortunately, she won’t be here to do that…but our daughter is. So here it is…it’s called ‘There You’ll Be’.”

Lana started with the soft notes of the piano, feeling the music in her bones.

Spike started with the opening verse, tears already welling in his eyes.

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

Lana’s voice melted in with the chorus, hitting the high notes while Spike hit the low ones. They sounded great together.

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Spike didn’t even care now that the tears were streaming down his cheeks like a waterfall. He kept his voice strong, and sang her song with as much passion as Buffy put into it when she wrote it.

Lana took the second verse, starting softly as her mother’s words touched her heart. Lana didn’t get to know her mom that well being she was only five when she died. But her dad told her everything that made her special to him. How they were best friends since they were kids and the beautiful tale of how they became lovers. Her dad was a romantic, and because of that so was she. Lana smiled before taking a breath…

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

Father and daughter sang together once more.

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Spike belted out the next verse…he still remember the way Buffy looked into his eyes the whole time she sang this part to him, and know he found himself looking up at the high ceilings singing it back to her.


'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

That last line he pushed out hard, forcing Buffy and all the angels around her to hear his voice…hear him call out to her his love and undeniable devotion to the one and only woman he ever gave himself to.

Lana lightly let her digits tap the keys before her, and continued on with her father.

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

As the music slowly came to an end, and the melodic voices of Spike and Lana softened; faintly through that last line, Spike could have sworn he heard her singing with them. By the look in Lana’s eyes, she heard it too. Neither of them heard the crowd scream and applaud, nor did they notice the tear tracks down the cheeks of their friends, or the MC thank them for a beautiful duet.

Father and daughter exited the stage, and left the Bronze out the back door. Spike wrapped an arm around Lana’s shoulders and hugged her in tight placing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. “I think she heard us, pet.” his voice was rough with unshed tears.

Lana hugged her dad back. “I think she sang with us. Let’s go home Dad.”

They walked towards the car, feeling as though a great weight had been lifted off both of their shoulders. They knew Buffy was there…they had felt her, and now it was time to move on but keep her in their thoughts and in their hearts.