I awoke from my dream with a start. My breath hitched as I sat up. I was trembling and covered with a sheen of cool sweat. It was the twenty fifth night in a row I had had the same dream.

I glanced around my bedroom in the small London flat I was sharing with my sister, Dawn. The fact that I even called it a “flat” showed I’d been in London to long. I missed home. We had lived here for a little over a month. It had all been paid for and not by us. Somehow, that made it a lot less real. From my vantage point on the bed, I could see the snow falling outside my window. Such a peaceful sight, that. After California, snow was an amazing novelty. Dawn had been so excited to see the snow. We both were. It brought us a kind of comfort in its normalcy. But not tonight, not for me.

My first impulse on awakening had been to call out to Dawn sleeping in the next room and tell her about my haunting nighttime apparitions, but somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Sure, she would come in and I could talk about it, about him and it might even make me feel better for a little while. But what would it do to Dawn? She missed him too. He had become her friend while I was gone, dead really, and continued to be when I was emotionally unavailable. It probably even began before that. It wouldn’t be fair to get her hopes up. It’s not like it was real. I closed my eyes as I tried to bring my breathing back under control. I thought back to the dream in question.
…

Alright, I thought to myself, the dream seems to take place in a large office. Fancy upscale office. It’s daytime; there is light streaming in through the large floor to ceiling windows. I can see Angel leaning against his desk, which means this dream happens somewhere in Los Angelus. This must be the office of Wolfram and Hart. If I look to Angel’s right, I recognize Wesley, one of my former watchers, and to his right is a pretty, petite brunette I don’t know. To her right seems to be a green-faced demon of some sort and then a handsome black man in a suit. The petite brunette walks out to the middle of them and begins to speak.

“Is this gonna be our lives now? Fighting our own employees, our own clients? Are we really gonna do any good?” she asks. She looks distressed and I’m not sure what they are talking about. I guess that Angel’s “Fang Gang” has taken over Wolfram and Hart. They’re fighting clients? That seems counter productive.

Angel answers, “Yes, we are. We're gonna change things. We came to Wolfram and Hart because it's a powerful weapon, and we'll figure out how to wield it.”

Wesley looks nervous and adds, “Or kill ourselves with it.”

The girl says flatly, “Yay, team.”

Angel stands up. “No, sooner or later they'll tip their hand, and we'll find out why they really brought us here.” He picks up an envelope off his desk and begins to walk toward his office door. When he falls even with his friends, he turns back to them. “Meanwhile, we do the work...our way, one thing at a time.” He tears open the envelope and an amulet falls to the floor. “We deal with whatever comes next.”

The amulet begins to glow, more and more brightly with each passing second. Everyone is backing up towards the door. Particles come flying out of the amulet to assemble in front of Angel’s desk. A strong wind is sweeping around the room, blowing papers off of the desk. A guttural roar fills the air as the particles form a skeletal shape, then muscles, then flesh, then clothing, as the recognizable form bends at the waist clutching his arms to his stomach and looking about wildly.

Wesley’s soft voice echoes in the silence. “Spike?”

…


The first twenty four times I had had the dream, I thought it was my heart calling out for my lost lover, giving me some impractical hope that I could some day see him again, but this time was somehow different. Everything in the dream was sharper, clearer. It just felt so real. And really, what are the odds I would have exactly the same dream for almost a month?
Sitting in my bed, hugging my knees, I remembered the dreams I used to get. Back when I was the only Slayer. The ones that used to come true. There hadn’t been tons of them to begin with, but enough that this could be one of them. Wishful thinking maybe, but wasn’t it possible?

Suddenly, I was plagued with self-doubt. I couldn’t call Giles to see what he thought of my dreams. Even after realizing Spike had died to save us, save me, he still wasn’t convinced that he was a good man. And, truth be told, I was tired of the Spike bashing that happened even hours after he had saved us. When the Scoobies got together, as infrequently as that happened now that we were spread across the world, it was still like a major sport. I was starting to think there was a point system and possibly medals that I was unaware of. Neither Xander nor Giles would give up on what they thought Spike was and always had been. A monster.

I shook my head to clear those thoughts away. I had to focus on the dream. Was Spike in Los Angelus? Could I bring myself to call Angel and ask? I got out of my bed and began to pace my floor. I didn’t want to deal with the tension of that situation. I played the happy phone call in my head. ‘Hey Angel! I was wondering if Spike by chance has sprung out of any amulets lately. If so, would you mind if I flew in to see him?”

Angel wouldn’t understand. He still believed, after all this time, that I was in love with him. That someday I would be ready and I would run into his arms and we would live happily ever after. But it was only there, that day at the Hellmouth that I realized what it was to love. As I watched my lover sacrifice himself to save the world, many things became clear to me, including the knowledge that although I loved Angel, I was no longer really in love with him, not in the everlasting, be all end all type of way. I never wanted to be with him, not again, not after knowing real love. Fiery, passionate, adoring love. I had to find out what was going on.

But I didn’t know anyone else at Wolfram and Hart. I was a good guy. I didn’t really have the contacts as far as evil law firms go.

Wait! Wesley! I began bouncing nervously on the balls of my feet, a purely Spike gesture in nature. I mean, sure, Wesley and I hadn’t had the best interactions in the past, but I doubted he would ignore me, or think me totally insane. Granted, he wasn’t a watcher anymore, but he still had all the training. And he was in the dream, so if it had happened, he would know. I glanced at my clock. 2:30 am. So, I figured with the eight-hour time difference, it would be 6:30 in L.A. I might still be able to catch him in his office. After all, weren’t evil law firms still open after dark? Made sense.

I dialed information and asked for the L.A. branch of Wolfram and Hart. I was connected almost immediately.

“Wolfram and Hart, how may I direct your call?” an impatient female voice quipped at me.

“I need to speak with Wesley Wyndam-Price,” I said, trying to act professional. At least, as professional as I could considering the time. I am better at acting like an adult when I have had more than an hours worth of dream-plagued sleep.

The voice said, more harshly this time, “I’m just walking out the door. You should call back during our office hours...” Guess secretaries don’t have to work late.

“Look,” I interrupted her, “I am calling long distance from London where I was awoken from my sleep by a prophecy.” A little white lie wouldn’t hurt. “I need to speak to Wesley, immediately. Just direct me to his office, and if he isn’t there, I’ll try another time, but I’m already on the line. It doesn’t hurt to check to see if he’s there.”

I was proud of myself for not threatening her. A few months ago I would have. I like to think that I’ve grown, as a person. I haven’t even beaten anyone up for information in months. Yay, me!

The line made a clicking noise and I thought she had hung up on me, but then some horrible hold music came on the line. This truly was a lawyer’s office dealing with extreme evil. Only someone with no soul could listen to that horrific noise. I was about to give up and try back once it was morning in L.A. when a cheery female voice picked up the phone.

“Wesley Wyndam-Prices’ office.”

The voice sounded familiar, and it caught me off guard. “Um, is…is Wesley there?” I stammered.

“He just ran out to grab us some food. We’re working a late night here.” The cheery voice imparted. “He should be back in twenty minutes or so. Should I have him call you, Ms…?”

“Buffy Summers,” I answered automatically. Then I realized that giving my real name to a law firm that specialized in the badest badies in bad town may not have been the most intelligent course of action.

There was silence on the line. “Buffy?” came the confused voice, “like Angel’s Buffy? Like the Slayer everyone talks about? From Sunnydale?”

I smirked. “I haven’t been Angel’s Buffy in years, but yes, that’s me. Slayer formerly of Sunnydale”

“Oh my gosh, Miss Summers! It’s an honor to finally speak with you. Angel has talked about you the entire time I have known him. My name is Winifred Burkle. Call me Fred,” the woman gushed.

I smiled at her enthusiasm and replied, “And you can call me Buffy.” Suddenly, I knew where I had heard her voice before. The dream! She had been in the room when Spike materialized. If it had truly happened, then the woman I was currently on the phone with would be able to tell me if my lover was running about in L.A. “Fred, I need to ask you something very strange and horribly important. Has anything really strange happened there at Wolfram and Hart lately? Like an apocalypse maybe, or, I don’t know, a vampire’s essence rematerializing from an amulet?” I was reaching and I knew it, but I couldn’t beat around the bush. My whole life’s happiness might depend on her answer. Off course, if she had no clue what I was talking about, she was going to think I was very odd. An apocalypse is one thing, but a vampire springing forth from an big ugly necklace? Oddly specific.

It was a moment before she responded. “How did you know about the amulet?” she asked softly.

“How did you know about the amulet?” she asked softly.

A sob tore through my throat and tears welled up in my eyes. “Spike?” I pleaded with her. “Please, is he alive? Is he there? Tell me that these weren’t just dreams! I saw it. It felt so real, like I was there in the room with you. I saw you and Wesley and Angel and two others and Angel tore open an envelope and it was the amulet, the one Spike wore that day on the Hellmouth. It fell from the packet and then Spike was there. Right? He rematerialized?”

Fred took a shaky breath and began to explain. “Yes. He’s alive. Well, as alive as any vampire with a soul can be I guess. Except for one really rather important detail, that is. He’s not corporeal.”

I sunk to my knees on the floor, the tears falling unbidden from my eyes. Fred continued to speak.

“I run the science department here so I took him down to my lab to try to discern exactly what kind of entity he is. What he is. I found electromagnetic readings consistent with spiritual entities, but there was no ectoplasmic matrix. You see, ectoplasm's what makes ghosts visible to the human eye. If he's a ghost, technically we shouldn't be able to see him. And I also detected brainwave activity.” She snorted. “Angel thought that was hilarious. That and ghosts generally absorb light and heat energy making the area around them a few degrees cooler, too. Spike's radiating heat.”

I giggled hysterically into the phone. “You think Spike’s hot!”

“That’s interesting.” Fred said quietly.

I stopped laughing. “What is?”

“Well, it’s just…that’s exactly what Spike said when I explained it.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess that is what Spike would say. I mean, I spent a lot of years around him. A few of his mannerisms were bound to wear off on me eventually. Spike-isms, my sister calls them. So are you trying to find a way to solidify him?”

“Well, I had a way. I built a machine that could do it.” My heart leapt into my throat as she continued to speak. “It was a one shot kinda deal. But there was another entity. Matthias Pavayne. He was terrorizing Spike and trying to keep himself from going to hell. He was tied to this building after his death in the eighteenth century when Wolfram and Hart has him killed. They needed his blood to consecrate the ground or something. He had been feeding on the ghosts of others to keep himself strong enough to keep from crossing over. I guess when he targeted Spike; he didn’t realize he was dealing with a warrior, not the ghost of a dead employee of the firm. Spike fought him, and when Pavayne couldn’t beat him, he came to where we were powering up the machine and started to strangle me. Spike pushed Pavayne into the circle and he was made corporeal, so we could fight and stop him. He chose to save my life rather than save himself,” she finished quietly.

“That’s my stupid vampire, always doin’ the wacky,” I smiled.

“Really, it only confirmed what I have been saying the whole time.” Fred muttered.

“What’s that?” I asked her.

“That he’s worth saving. I think he could be a tremendous asset to us, fighting for humanity. Angel thinks my faith is misplaced. He says that Spike’s playing me, being all charming, so I’ll help him, and when he’s corporeal again, he’ll take off to find you. He believes that I’m wasting my time, that Spike can’t be saved. I know that my last attempt failed, but I haven’t given up. I’m still going to try to find a way,” she finished. I knew instantly that this girl was very special. Now more than ever, I wanted to go to L.A. I mean, Willow had mentioned Fred before, and told me how sweet she was, but I hadn’t expected her to be so wonderful.

“I hate to ask this, but has he mentioned me at all?”
I could actually hear Fred smile over the phone. “Only all the time! It was one of the very first things he said when he rematerialized. He wanted to make sure you were okay and then he asked where you were. Angel said Europe.”

“Yeah. I’m in London, helping set up a new Watcher’s Council. We’re trying a whole ‘being compassionate instead of stiff upper lippy’ policy. It’s working out pretty well. A lot of my friends from Sunnydale, the Scoobies, are training to become Watchers. In fact, my old Watcher, Giles, is the head of the Council now.” I wasn’t sure why exactly I was telling her all this, but I liked her. I felt like I could trust her. “Fred, I don’t want you to tell anyone that I called. Even Wesley. I’m going to get my affairs in order and then I’m coming there, to Los Angelus. I’m just not ready for anyone to know that yet. Not Angel, not Spike, not my friends, no one. I don’t think they would considerate of the good that I was coming. It will take me a few days, maybe a week at the most. Can…well, can I call you when I get there? I don’t really know many people in L.A.” I asked her sheepishly. I didn’t want to just walk into the huge office and search for Spike either.

“Of course.” We exchanged cell phone numbers.

“Call me if anything changes or…you know.” I requested.

“I will.”

“One more thing. Why didn’t anyone call and tell me that he’s back?”

Fred took a moment before answering. “Well, I think that’s something you’re going to have to ask Spike. I can’t say for sure what his reasons are. I mean, I know why Angel didn’t call to let you know…” she trailed off.

“Yeah, I get that. So, I’ll see you in a few days?”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

I hung up the phone, lay down on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

…

“Buffy!” I felt a hand shaking me. “Buffy, wake up!”

I groaned and opened my eyes. I saw my sister sitting on the edge of my bed. Panic set in. I sat up quickly, to quickly. The room spun a little as I held my head. “What is it Dawn? What’s wrong? If there’s an apocalypse, tell it to wait until later.”

“What’s wrong?” she raged at me. “Buffy, it’s three thirty in the afternoon. You’ve slept all day.” She looked down at me suspiciously. “You didn’t get really drunk and get another tattoo, did you?”

I scowled at her. “You say that like it happens all the time. Like I’m a crazed tattoo covered drunk! I did that once and that was three days after we got here. I think I deserve the benefit of the doubt here, Dawn!” I took a deep breath. “I didn’t sleep well.” It had been two days since I had talked to Fred. My dreams had been full of finding Spike. I still couldn’t say to Dawn I was leaving. I tried to change the subject, I just couldn’t tell her yet. “How were classes today?”

Dawn launched into a detailed oration about something a girl said to her at lunch, but I heard nothing she said. I got up from my bed and sat down in front of my vanity mirror and studied my reflection. I knew I had changed, physically and mentally, a lot since we left Sunnydale. I had lost so much weight. I barely ever ate. I was plagued with dreams when I slept, so I tried no to. I trained all the time at the council, teaching all the new Slayers, and it had taken its toll on my appearance. My eyes were rimmed with dark circles and they looked slightly sunken in. I didn’t even pun that much anymore. Some nights after patrolling with the Slayers in training, I had come home and drank myself to sleep. Sometimes, it had even helped me forget the pain, a little.

I stared down at the tattoo that took up my entire inner forearm on my left side. Well, not entire, but a lot of it anyway. The third night we had been here in London, I had wandered the streets for hours, not really looking for anything in particular, just not wanting to go home, where nothing would distract me and I would be forced to think. That’s when I saw the little tattoo shop. I looked in the window and saw a man getting a girls name tattooed on his arm. She was there with him, and when the inking was finished, he gathered her up in his arms and they kissed. I didn’t realize I was crying until they walked out of the shop and passed me, headed off down the street. That’s when I decided. I went into the shop and gotten my first tattoo. I had fed Dawn the story that I was drunk so she wouldn’t ask me if she could get one. I also told her it had hurt a lot, when in reality, I hadn’t felt any pain.

I ran my fingers across my tattoo. It was all healed and no longer raised above my skin. It was a six-inch long railroad spike. In a flowing cursive script in red ink, the spike was engraved with one word. A name, in fact. William.

I wore a lot of long sleeves to hide my new tattoo. I wasn’t ready to explain it to anyone yet. Like I should have to at all. Dawn was the only one who had seen it thus far. She had promised not to mention it to anyone, and I took her at her word. I knew that Dawn was very hurt when Spike had died and she was still grieving for her fallen friend. I also knew that she was and would be the only one to support my relationship with him. My cell phone ringing startled me out of my deep thoughts. I picked it up.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Buffy? It’s Fred. It’s about Spike. He’s corporeal!”

I put my hand over the phone and turned to Dawn, who was still sitting on my bed. “Honey, I need to take this. Can I have a minute?”

She smiled at me and left the room. I turned back to the phone in my hand.

“How did you do it?” I cried excitedly into the phone.

“That’s just it. We didn’t do it. Spike got a box in the mail and when it was opened there was a flash of light and now he’s all solid! I just thought you should know.” Fred explained.

“I’m going to the council now and I’m going to get someone to take over the training. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Two days later I was driving myself to the airport. I was taking a private jet provided by the Watcher’s Council. I told Giles that I had some personal business to take care of and I needed an aircraft and a pilot. I know he wanted to pry, maybe even argue, but to his credit, he didn’t. He just asked when I would be back, and I told him that I couldn’t answer him. He stared at me a long time before finally agreeing to provide what I required. He also allowed me hotel room for as long as I needed it, plus an expense account. The only thing he wanted form me was to stay for an emergency meeting before I shoved off for home across the pond.

Even though Giles was the head of the council, when it came to doling out orders, all eyes fell to me. At first, it had bothered me. I was tired of being in charge. But the sad truth was, although Giles was head in name, the watchers and the girls looked to me as the authority in all things Slayer. Sometimes it made me wish that Faith had come to London with us. I mean, I know that Cleveland has an abnormal amount of demonic activity and she needed the alone time with Robin, but the help would have been nice here.

Early on my day of departure, the two top watchers had been dispatched to L.A. at the request of Wolfram and Hart to retrieve a slayer. A mentally disturbed slayer. Deadly combo. I had gone to the briefing, as per Giles’ request, otherwise I would have left much earlier. But as it was, I had to give the two watchers the orders they would be following during their stay. I had also given them a small contingent of slayers to help out if needed. They would get there about an hour before I did. Hopefully, they wouldn’t realize I was in Los Angelus at all. I didn’t want to undertake a mission while I was there.

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain’t right
It just ain’t right

I didn’t know what kind of girly radio station Dawn had on from the last time she drove the car. Funny, I used to listen to things like this, but my tastes had run much darker of late. As I reached out to turn off the radio, the words hit my brain, and I put my hand down.

Oh when I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He’s magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, Hold me tight

Tears began to roll down my cheeks. It seemed as if the lyrics had been written for Spike and me. All I could think about was the last time I had seen him.

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

Illuminated in all that light, he was so beautiful. So brave. I could remember everything we had said. I had replayed those last moments in my head so many times; it was engrained on my memory and my heart. I had laced my fingers through his and blinked past my tears to look in his eyes. Our hands burst into flames.
“I love you.” I had said.

“No, you don’t, but thanks for saying it.”

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
Waited so long

The only kicker was, I had meant it. I still meant it. Hell, I was flying halfway around the world because of it.

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I just wanted to hold him. I wanted to feel him in my arms and then I would feel complete again. I would feel like this huge hole in my life was filled. I pulled into the Heathrow airport and parked my car. A few deep breaths later and I was ready to get my suitcases from the trunk.

Although it was winter in London, Los Angelus has no discernable seasons. It was wonderful to pack for; I got out all the clothes I hadn’t been able to wear because of the chilling cold. I had brought two suitcases, although I could have easily brought more.

To tell the truth though, I had no clue what the outcome of this trip might be or how long I would be there. I mean, it’s not like Spike and I had been together in a long time. After all I had done to him, I doubted we could be together now. I wasn’t expecting him to forgive me, but I owed it to him and myself to tell him the truth about my feelings. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Maybe he had no desire to be with me anymore. Perhaps that’s why I wasn’t notified when he hopped out of an amulet in L.A. Maybe he didn’t love me anymore. Even if he did, what would he think of me now, anyway? When I saw him, would he be disappointed with me? Would he look upon me with my tattoo and my haunted eyes and not want me anymore? Would I be less beautiful to him, now that I was so damaged?

I sat down in my seat. As the plane took off, I covered my face with my hands. I had never liked flying. Actually, it was a fear Spike and I both shared. The night before our final battle, we sat in the basement and talked about things we would do when the fight was over. Of course we talked about rebuilding a Watcher’s Council and job related stuff, but then it had turned personal. I told him I had always wanted to see Europe, and he had reached out and touched my cheek.

“I’d love to take you there, kitten. Off to London, Venice, Paris,” he had said with a shy smile.

I had leaned into his caress of and gazed into his eyes. He pulled back his hand like I had burned him, a look of terror on his face.

“You should go there with someone who can take you into the sun,” he had said as he turned away from me. I changed the subject to how terrified I would be for the whole plane trip there. He had chuckled at me and began to tell me of his own irrational plane fear. We laughed together, all awkwardness forgotten. I figured I would have time to explain to him how my feelings had changed. After the battle, we could sit down and I could tell him that I loved him. He had looked so shocked when I asked him if I could share his cot so we could hold each other while we slept.

I reached into my purse to pull out a small leather bound book of poetry. I had found it in Spike’s crypt after he had left for Africa to win back his soul. I spent a lot of time there with Clem those next few months, just hoping that Spike would return. I had read the diminutive tome countless times since I had lifted it from the room below the crypt.

I opened the book on my lap to study the title page. Hand written in tidy script was one line.

Abashed the Devil stood, and felt how awful goodness is, and saw Virtue in her shape how lovely, saw, and pined his loss.

I ran my fingers over the letters. Although I had never seen Spike’s handwriting before, I was sure that he had written it. I knew what it was. It was a line from Milton’s Paradise Lost. I had actually read it for one of my college classes. But why had he written it here? I wondered what he was thinking when he wrote it. I turned to one of the only pages in the book that was dog-eared. He must have read this page a lot, I thought to myself.

Night

My kitten walks on velvet feet
And makes no sound at all;
And in the doorway nightly sits
To watch the darkness fall
I think he loves the lady, night
And feels akin to her
Whose footsteps are as still as his,
Whose touch as soft as fur
Lois Weakley McKay

I loved poetry. The words used, the tempo, how it rolls off your tongue when you read it out loud, even if it’s when you’re alone. I mean, I didn’t have much time for it in my life before, but now that there were so many slayers, maybe I would. I’ve spent the last eight years fighting evil. When normal girls are discussing dating, fashion, and now that I’m twenty-three, marriage, I get to discuss ambush tactics, the proper way to behead, and how to get Fyarl demon mucus out of a leather coat. Lacks poetry, eh? Of course, it doesn’t have to. What rhymes with mucus?

I turned to the last page of the book. It was empty. I pulled a pen from my purse and began to write.

I paid the cab driver and got out. I grabbed my suitcases and stared appraisingly at the enormous hotel in front of me. The previous Watcher’s Council had spirited lots of money away in safety deposit boxes all over the world and I was thankful in that moment. When I had made the reservations, I made sure the room was big enough to really live in for a few weeks if necessary. It had a living room separate from the bedroom. I had never stayed in a place like this. There was even twenty our hour room service. I went in and got my key. My room was on the eighth floor. Fancy, eh?

I wasted some time hanging up some of my clothes in the closet of my room. I had seen the other council plane landed only a few minutes ahead of mine. I knew I had taken the faster jet, but I had honestly thought they would be here well before me. I looked over the clothes that were left lying on my bed. I wanted to change and fix myself up before seeing Spike. I was so nervous. Deciding on an outfit would at least give me something to think about rather than what I was going to say to Spike when I saw him.

I pulled on my new black leather pants. They were low cut and tight, but I could still kick demon ass in them, I had tried. Of course, they also showcased my now prominent hipbones, but I had been eating more lately, maybe I would regain a less skeletal shape. Next came my recently favorite shirt. I bought it a few days after getting to London thinking that Spike would have liked it. It was a tight black shirt that came to an inch or two above my belly button. In red letters across my chest it said ‘Sex Pistols’ and there was a tear in the cap sleeve where a vampire had tried to bite me through it last week. Very posh. I laced up my boots and cast an appraising eye over myself in the bathroom mirror. I kinda looked like a blonde version of Faith. I remembered back to when she came to help us out the last time at the Hellmouth. She asked if I was the evil Slayer and if she was the good one now. I found myself wondering if she was wearing pastels at that moment. I laughed to myself as I grabbed my jacket and my room key and exited into the night.

“Fred, I’m in the lobby. Where am I supposed to go?”

“I’ll be right there to get you. I’m in Angel’s office for a meeting, but we’re all waiting on Angel and Spike to get here anyway.” I could hear her walking. “Oh, there they are, I guess the meeting will be starting in a minute.”

I heard someone speak to Fred in a familiar British accent. My heart leapt into my throat. “Hey, Science girl. Who ya talkin’ to? Don’t we have a bloody assembly?”

“I’ll be right back. Go ahead and start without me,” came her easy reply. To me she said, “Okay, I’m in the elevator. Did you hear him?”

“Hearing him makes it much more real,” I admitted quietly.

The elevator door opened and I saw my new found friend for the first time in person. Our eyes locked as we both hung up our cell phones. I smiled at her and waved. She ran straight at me and before I could react, she had wrapped me into a hug. After getting over my initial shock, I hugged her back. She reminded me so much of Willow, all slender and frail and yet smarter than most people I would ever meet.
We clamored into the elevator and she hit a button. Then she turned to me.

“You look different than I thought you would,” she said.

I smirked at her. “Didn’t think I’d look so haggard?”

“No, I thought you would be taller.”

My smirk softened into a real smile. “Yeah, you’d think a vampire Slayer would be someone important, noticeably. But we’re just girls.”

“Sometimes, I forget that,” Fred whispered.

“Lucky you,” I whispered. Then I felt something familiar and sorely missed. It was an unmistakable sensation I never thought I would experience again. “My god, I can feel him.”

“What?” Fred’s confusion was plain on her face.

“As a Slayer, I can feel when vampires are nearby. It’s like a defense mechanism. Like Spidey sense. I feel it kinda like a tingle at the base of my skull. Not Spike though. I could tell he was unusual the first time we met. Spike has always felt different to me,” I explained.

“What does he feel like?” Fred asked in a hushed voice.

“A shiver down my spine.”

We exited the elevator and I followed Fred across a large lobby until we stopped in front of a set of double doors. “This is the Angel’s office. I need to be in the meeting in here,” she explained. She gestured to a door across the lobby. “That’s Wesley’s office. If you want you can hang out in there and I can come get you when the meeting over. Angel’s secretary went home for the day, so I you want coffee or something, you’ll have to wait fend for yourself. Of course, you are more than welcome to come in here. It sounds like Angel and Spike just got inside.”

“I’m just going to listen for a few minutes,” I said.

She nodded and went inside. I stood with my ear to the doors to listen to the events unfolding inside. I heard Spike say, “Nibblet! And…. oh, for the love of…”

Then I heard a male voice and bit my tongue to suppress a giggle.

“Spike? It's you. It's really you! My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back.” I clapped a hand over my mouth to help keep silent and cracked the double doors just enough to peak in. “You're like... you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful than ever.” I watched Spike being hugged by the smaller man. “Oh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive.”

I heard Angel ask derisively, “You two know each other?” I couldn’t see him, Spike was standing in the way, but I’d wager he was smirking.

“Uh, yeah. Um... We—we saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but... it was mostly us,” the other man said.

The timing was impeccable and I just couldn’t resist. I threw open the doors and took three commanding steps into the room. I faced the group, folded my arms across my chest, kicked out my hip and said, “Now, in all fairness, I think Spike saved the world and the rest of us helped. Except you. You really didn’t help. You were, like, the precursor of the whole thing anyway.” All the shocked eyes in the room turned to me. Fred was stifling a laugh with her hand. I nodded to the two watchers, one in front of Spike and the other seated at the table. “Andrew, Miss Summers,” I said with a smile.

Dawn smiled warmly at me and waved. “Hi Buffy!”

My eyes fell on Spike, who stood dumbfounded. His eyes lit up as I smiled shyly at him.

“Hello, cutie,” he said softly.

“Buffy! What are you doing here?” Angel came towards me, arms outstretched as if he wanted a hug. When he got close enough, I extended my hand, placed it on his chest, and moved him off to the side, my eyes never leaving Spikes’. I walked to him and looked up into his ocean blue orbs. Andrew was right; he was more beautiful than ever. I reached up and ran my fingertips along his cheekbones and across his full lower lip.

“Why?” I whispered. “Why did I have to dream about it to find out you were here? Why did I have to learn from someone else that you’re alive? Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice had risen to a trembling near shout as I finished. The only sound in the room was my ragged breathing.

Spike wrapped me in his arms and hugged me to his chest, stroking my hair. “How could I, pet? I died a champion, a hero, and now I’m here. Reincarnated in an evil law firm. Was I supposed to call you? Can you imagine how the bloody phone call would have gone? ‘Hello, Buffy. It's Spike. I didn't burn up like you thought. How are things?’ It would have been slightly awkward, yeah?” His voice was husky with emotion.

I smiled into his chest. “It’s ok. I seem to have gotten the message anyway. God, you even smell the same.”

He looked down at me and smirked. “You don’t. I mean there is the normal Buffy smell and over that I can smell ink, leather, smokes, and,” he took a deep breath and cocked an eyebrow, “bourbon.”

“Leather, smokes, and bourbon? You mean she smells like you?” Dawn snickered.

Spike’s head snapped up and turned towards the other people standing in the room as if he had forgotten they were there. Then he turned back to me with a confused look on his face. “Ink? Did you get a tattoo?”

I pulled back from his embrace and winked at him. Then I turned and walked to the conference table and addressed the two people I had yet to meet. I held my hand out to the green skinned demon. “Hi,” I said brightly. “I’m Buffy.”

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. “Enchanted, darling. I’m Lorne. Spike told me you were beautiful, but I’m afraid his descriptions scarcely did you justice. Effulgent indeed.” His effeminate bubbly nature was comforting and fun. But I couldn’t stop the blush from crawling up my cheeks.

“So, Spike’s mentioned me, then?” I asked quietly while winking at Fred.

“Only all the time! I tell you, if I thought I had a shot with you, I’d be a very happy Pylian. But since you are obviously spoken for…” He shrugged good-naturedly.

I turned teasingly to Spike. “What have you been telling people?” I turned back to Lorne. “Spike and I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time. Of course, I’m not sure it was a ‘relationship’ anyway. Can mind blowing sex be construed as a ‘relationship,’ I wonder?”

“It can if you do it enough times,” came Spike’s sardonic response.

I caught a glimpse of Angel; whose face was red and hands were making fists at his sides. This was mean, and I knew it, but in all fairness, he should have called to tell me about Spike, regardless of his feelings about the two of us, out of respect for me. I was still pissed about it. I intended to stay that way.

I smiled at the last stranger in the room. He rose from his chair with a wide smile and held out his hand. “Charles Gunn,” he said.

I shook his hand smiling vibrantly at him and moved to the empty chair between Fred and Wesley. “Is anyone sitting here?” I smiled as she gestured for me to sit. I took off my jacket and fished a battered pack of cigarettes out of the pocket. I pulled a silver Zippo out of my pants pocket and sat down. After I had lit my cig with practiced ease and blown a plume of smoke over my head, I laced my fingers behind my head. I heard Spike’s breath catch. I knew instinctively he had seen the tattoo. I looked at him to see his tongue curled behind his teeth, an amazingly sexy gesture that always tightened things low in my body.

Fred leaned over to me. “I thought you were going to wait in the lobby,” she giggled.

“I was going to, but when I heard Andrew say that he and Spike saved the world and I helped a little, I mean, come on! The timing there was perfect. I just couldn’t help myself.” I grinned.

Angel walked to the table staring furiously at me. He grabbed my left arm and extended it under his gaze. I watched him lazily and took a drag from my cigarette. His eyes hardened as he looked at my tattoo, then he dropped it as if it had burned him. “What has he done to you?” he hissed at me and turned his back.

I shook my head. “Nothing. Now isn’t the time to discuss this, Angel.”

He whirled around as he shouted, “You don’t owe him anything!”

Under my breath, I muttered, “One owes respect to the living. To the dead, one only owes truth.”

Wesley turned to me, a shocked look plastered on his face. “Voltaire. I’m impressed,” he said in a quiet voice. He gave me a shy smile.

“Well, I did have six uninterrupted weeks of grieving. Think of how dark I would have gotten given more time.” I joked.

My chair spun around and I was face to face with a very angry Angel. “Look at yourself!” he raged at me. “You look like you haven’t eaten in a month. You’ve got a tattoo of a railroad spike on your arm and you’re smoking! What the hell are you thinking Buffy? You’ll get cancer or something!”

Dawn scoffed at him. “No, she won’t. See, she fulfilled this prophecy…”

I wrenched my chair from Angel’s grasp and spun to face my sister. “Dawn! This isn’t the time for that.” I turned my anger darkened eyes to Angel. “There is a psychotic girl out there with superhuman strength. If you want to have this discussion, we will. We’ll have a reckoning or whatever, but not now.” He nodded grimly and sat down on Wesley’s other side as Spike sat down across from him, next to Dawn.

Wesley stood. “We were just about to bring everyone up to speed on slayer mythology.”

“I'll take it from here, Pryce. Best they hear it from an expert.” Andrew declared.

Wesley stared at him incredulously. He shook his head and sat back down. “Please, enlighten us,” he said through his teeth.

Andrew took a deep breath and then as an afterthought, looked at me. “Oh, Buffy… will you be taking over this mission?” he asked.

I smiled at the eager watcher and shook my head. “I sent you two here to do this. If I took over now, wouldn’t it seem like I didn’t trust you to do the job? That fact that I’m here is a coincidence. Just act like I’m not here.”

Andrew drew himself up to his full height and began his oration. “Gather around and attend to a most unusual tale... a tale I like to call... The Slayer of the Vampyrs.” I caught Dawn’s eye and she shrugged. This would be interesting. He started a slow walk around the conference table. Drama Queen. “Eons ago, on the dark continent, three wise elders decided to fight evil with a taste of its own sinistro.” He leaned over Fred and touched her shoulders. “They took a young girl, and they imbued her with the power of a demon. Thusly, the first Slayer of the Vampyrs was born. But alas, the existence of a slayer is often brutal and short-lived. And the "primitive," as she was called, boasted no exception. But... the elders had foreseen this inevitability and...and devised a way for her power to live on.”

Fred looked thoughtful. “In every generation, one is chosen.”

“Yes, attractive, slender woman.” Andrew continued as Fred rolled her eyes at him. “There are many potentials, as we experts call them.”

Wesley chimed in, ”Hundreds...maybe thousands per generation.”

“Each of them experiencing vivid dreams... some say nightmares... of the heroics of past slayers. But only one can be chosen,” Andrew finished. He had so obviously practiced this speech.

“That's, um...really great, but we...actually know all that.” Angel said tersely.

Lorne spoke up. “Uh, wait. So if there's only one slayer, what is little miss whack-your-head-off doing scampering around?”

Spike smirked and added, “Little Sunnydale surprise.”

“Six months ago, Buffy, Vampyr Slayer extraordinaire, had her lesbian witch make with the beaucoup de magie,” Andrew began when Dawn interrupted.

“Maybe you should let Buffy explain this part. It was pretty intense.”

I stood and addressed the group. “The thing you have to understand is we had a house full of little girls, the potential slayers, against the first evil and an army of ubervamps. The turuc-han. We were a tad shy of warriors.” I counted them off on my fingers. “Faith, Robin, Spike, and myself to protect dozens of girls and fight thousands of…primal evil things. Odd fell towards the bad guys. So we decided that instead of waiting for me or Faith to die, we would give those girls their power. Willow did a spell drawing on the essence of a slayer and distributed it to all the potentials. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. And so we became…”

“An army of slayers,” Wesley said reverently. “Brilliant stratagem. But with the watchers council destroyed, how will these new slayers receive their necessary…”

“We’re rebuilding the council.” Dawn said proudly.

“Mr. Giles and a few key Sunnydale alum have been tracking down the recently chosen, guiding them, training them, giving them the full X-Men, minus the crappy third act. But this Dana girl; she's an anomaly that no one could have foreseen…tortured, traumatized... driven insane by Yoda knows who,” Andrew simpered.

Angel looked thoughtful. “Then the dreams of demons and superpowers she's always had suddenly become real.”

Wesley leaned forward and looked at Angel. “The dreams of slayers are usually just that—dreams. But Dana's mental instability may be making them seem more real.”

Dawn beamed at him. “Exactly. With these dreams and her being a few hotties short of a boy band, you have a killing machine powered by insanity. And not in the quirky endearing Faith kind of way.”

“Explains why that skirt was yappin' at me in Chinese. Must've thought she was the slayer I took out back in the Boxer Rebellion,” Spike revealed.

Angel turned to him and glared. “You
mean the slayer you murdered.”

Spike looked at Angel and inclined his chin. “Well, I didn't have a soul back then, did I?”

“Right, 'cause having one now is making such a difference.”

Spike shook his head and rose from his seat. “You corporates go ahead with your talky-talk. Anybody needs me, I'll be out doin' his job.” Spike cocked his thumb at Andrew and stalked from the room.

Angel, Dawn, and I followed him to the lobby. “Spike!” Dawn cried out and ran to him. He turned and was accosted by the girl as she threw himself into his arms. “Be careful, ok?” she said pleadingly.

“I will, little bit,” he assured her. I walked over to then and put my hand on Dawn’s shoulder. She understood immediately and pulled away from his embrace so I could take her place.

“Please, luv, don’t tell me not to go,” he breathed into my hair.

I looked up at him. His amazing cerulean eyes burned into mine. I knew if I asked him to stay, he would, but I also believed that he could do this. I mean, he had killed two Slayers. Who was better qualified to stop this one? Spike needed to be where the action was, and who was I to deny him? “Don’t kill her. This is strictly a retrieval type mission. And no dying.”

He grinned at me. “I’m already dead, kitten.”

Cockiness, thy name is Spike. “You know exactly what I mean.”

He cupped my cheek with his hand, his thumb lightly stroking my skin. “I’ll never leave you again, Buffy. Believe me.” He leaned down and brushed a light kiss on my cheek and then stepped back. “I’ll be back soon.”

I smiled warmly at him, and then returned to stand by Dawn in the doorway of the office. He nodded to us and turned to head for the elevator. It was then that Angel made his presence known.

“Spike? You think this is a joke?”

“Only if you're the punch line,” Spike quipped without turning back.

Angel darted around to stand in front of him. “Look, we're the last two people that should be confronting her. She's a slayer. She has every reason to hate us, and she's unstable. In her mind, there probably aren't any good vampires. She exists for one reason—to destroy creatures like us.”

“Dance of death. Eternal struggle. Right. Got it.” Spike stepped around Angel and continued toward the elevator.

“You will...when she's staking you in the heart.”

The blonde vampire stopped and turned. “What do you want me to do? Go all boo-hoo 'cause she got tortured and driven out of her gourd? Not like we haven't done worse back in the day.”

“Yeah, and it's something I'm still payin' for.” Angel said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I rolled my eyes. I was about to tell him to stop being such a drama vamp, when I heard Spike’s cheeky response.

“And you should let it go, mate. It's starting to make you look old.” He got into the elevator.

I turned to Andrew. He had been watching the scene from behind me and Dawn with a great deal of interest. “Follow him.” I said quietly. “Try not to let him know, but stay close and don’t lose him. Remember the orders.”

He nodded and left the room.

Dawn looked at me. “And what are we going to do while they seek out the crazy girl?”

I put my arm around Dawn’s shoulder. Together, we walked back to the table where the Angel’s team sat. “Well,” I began, “I’m going to assume that there will be some research done to figure out where the girl will go. She not just going to run amok in the night. She probably has a destination in mind. ” Wesley nodded at me so I continued. “You’ve learned by example living on the Hellmouth that research usually precedes the running off and kicking of evil’s wily ass.” I saw Dawn grin out of the corner of my eye as I tried to impart a little Slayer wisdom. “Spike never could wait for the research to be done before running out to do a bit of the old ultra-violence. While we wait for him to come back, with or without her, we’ll help the gang in typical Scooby fashion.” Dawn nodded and went to sit down at the table next to Fred.

Angel returned and began pacing the room. “Maybe Spike was right. Maybe we should just get out there and find her.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as if it was physically painful to admit that.

Fred looked at him, appalled. “Then what? Kill her? What's happening isn't her fault.”

“Spike won’t kill her, Fred.”

Angel spun and exploded at me. “What the hell happened to you? A few years ago, Spike was the thorn in your side, your mortal enemy! And now you’re here defending him?”

“Stop!” I screamed at him. Everyone in the room fell still, hoping to be ignored as the argument raged. “Which part has your knickers in a twist? The fact that I’m moving on, or the fact that it’s Spike? He’s a good man, Angel. And yeah, he was my mortal enemy once, but if you remember correctly, so were you.” I took a deep breath and steadied my voice. “I know it’s easy to blame Spike for the changes I’ve made. I know that I’ve let my grief rule my life lately. But the truth is, it wasn’t all about Spike. I lost a lot more than him that day at the Hellmouth. We lost a lot of the potentials, we lost Anya, and we almost lost Robin. I was hurt pretty bad. We barely made it out of town before it became a crater. I lost my mother’s grave… Tara’s grave…my grave. We lost the Bronze, the Espresso Pump, that great shop where Xander always got donuts. My life was there. Everything we owned was there.“

I turned away from Angel. “I didn’t come here to start a relationship with Spike.” Everyone in the room but Dawn stared at me with disbelief. “The day I left him to die in the Hellmouth, I told him something important. Hell, it was one of the most important things I’ve ever said.” Dawn rose from her chair to wrap her arms around me, seeing the tears gathering in my traitorous eyes. “But he didn’t believe me. He had no cause to. He had no reason to believe that I was anything different than the monster I started as.”

Angel sighed. “You aren’t a monster, Buffy. Even at you’re worst you’ll never be like us. You can’t. You’re human.”

I looked him in the eye. “No, I’m not.”

“What?” Angel looked dumbfounded.

I turned away from his searching gaze while Dawn stepped up for me. “Remember how I mentioned that Buffy fulfilled a prophecy?” she asked.

Wesley stood and walked to Dawn. “What prophecy?”

“Soroxas. Giles has the only copy we know of.” She turned to Angel. “Bring me a speakerphone,” she commanded. When he had done so, she dialed a number and sat down at the table, facing the phone.

“Hello?” the voice of my Watcher sounded throughout the room.

“Hi Giles,” Dawn said brightly. “I need you to explain about the Soroxas prophecy to Angel and his team.”

“Dawn, I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Wolfram and Hart is a cornerstone of evil. God only knows what they would do with information such as this. It could cost Buffy her life…again,” Giles stammered.

“Gee, Giles, I didn’t know you cared.”

“Buffy?” he asked confusedly. “What are you doing in L.A?”

“Long story. No time. Start with how we found it,” I ordered.

I could actually hear him cleaning his glasses over the phone. “Yes, well, when we got here to London, we started rebuilding the Council by going through Quinton Travers home records. We found evidence of safety deposit boxes all over the world in the Council’s name. The first one was in London. Upon collecting the contents, I found it was a dossier completely devoted to Buffy. There was an entire case file, information on her Slayer exploits, her family history, grades, everything. There was also a scroll. It took me an entire month to translate it due to the fifteen languages it was in, everything from Latin to Fyarl. It would have gone much faster if I would have had Spike here to help me. You know, for a vampire, he really was quite the linguist. “

It was the first time I had heard him mention Spike kindly since his death. He cleared his throat and went on. “It wasn’t written like an ordinary prophecy. You know, a few line of cryptic prose. This was incredibly specific. It told of a slayer, in the turning of centuries, who would die twice and yet live, who would defeat a master. This girl would receive a key, love her enemy, defeat a god, make a deal with a monster, and kill a lover. It also said she when she had deterred eight ends of the world, lost her soul mate when the mouth of hell was destroyed, and cried a thousand tears for him, then she would ascend to be the Immortal Slayer.”

All eyes turned to me. I met their gazes with cold indifference.

“You’re an immortal?” Fred asked quietly.

I smirked as I dropped my eyes to stare at the ground. “I didn’t believe it at first either. So we tested it.”

Gunn spoke for the first time. “How?”

“We tried to kill me.” Silence greeted this little revelation.

Giles took the reins at that point. “She came into the Council’s hospital wing and we hooked her up to a lot of monitors, to make sure…well, you know. And then I poisoned her.”

“He filled me with enough arsenic to kill a small elephant, and yet here I stand. But I still wasn’t convinced, so we tested it again.” I extended my right arm and gestured to a mark in the crook of my elbow. “I let a vampire drain me to the point I should have died of blood loss, and although I felt nauseas and loopy afterward, it was a far cry from dead. And we tried several other less…umm conventional ways as well.”

“It would appear that the only way of killing her now is to behead her.” Giles chimed in.

“I think that’s enough for now, Giles, thanks. We’ll call you with news of the girl.” Dawn interrupted and hung up the phone.

“Yeah, like a true immortal, I’m really not. There’s a way to kill everything. At least I’ll never have to worry about gray hair,” I quipped. The serious looks on the faces of the people around me brought my snarkiness to a halt. “Please don’t tell Spike. I’ll tell him on my own when the time is right.” I decided it was time to return to the task at hand. Now if I could only draw their open mouthed gapes to something else. I slid into a chair at the table. “So, this girl, Dana. Where would she go?”

“Why not start at the source?” Lorne asked.

Wesley looked confused. “The asylum?”

Lorne shook his head. “No. Where this started for her. She was abducted from home. Right?”

“That was over fifteen years ago.” Angel
interjected.

“Houses have long memories, Angel cakes. You just gotta know how to get 'em to talk.” Lorne winked at Dawn and she giggled.

Angel sighed in frustration. “All right. Fine. Set it up. We better involve one of the Watchers though. You, Dawn, and I will check out the house.” He turned toward the remaining group members. “You four. I want to find the guy who killed Dana's family. His name, his past, his whereabouts. Everything.”

Gunn stood in protest. “Police never caught him.”

Angel stared down at him. “Yeah, well, we're not the police. Search her files. Talk to her contacts. Raise the dead, if you have to. Just...find him.”

Dawn, Lorne and Angel headed out, leaving the rest of the group sitting around an empty table. Well, three of us anyway. Gunn was still standing. It was he that turned to address the group. “I’m gonna go get a map of L.A. and grab my laptop from my office.”

Wesley rose as well. “Buffy, if I remember correctly, you never were one for research. If you would prefer to go and find Spike, I’m sure we will all understand.” He smiled kindly.

This wasn’t the stuffy watcher from Sunnydale. This was like a totally different guy. A nice guy. I liked him. “If Spike wanted my help, he would have asked me to go along. I may not be a great scholar, but I’ll try to help you out.”

He nodded. “I’ll grab some books.”


When Angel, Lorne and Dawn returned from the house, we had found all the information on Dana’s kidnapper. It really had been easier than I had thought. Back in Sunnydale with the Scoobies, it might have taken months. With the entire staff of an evil law firm? Thirty-five minutes, tops. The police five years back had shot him when he was caught robbing a liquor store. The other group’s news was just as dead-ended.

“What did your psychic find out at the house?” I asked. I didn’t really think a psychic was the right way to go about finding this girl, but then again, I had never had the resources to call one in before. I could be wrong. It’s happened before.

“Cold, creepy basement, and it smells like molasses.” Dawn informed us.

“Yuh-huh, and where is that exactly?” I inquired letting my doubt color my voice.

Angel turned to the map Gunn had tacked to the wall and pointed at an area near where I had circled the asylum with a marker only thirty minutes before. “Tactical found the body here—Fourth and Camden. She's staying in the area. Let's get aerial surveillance up, thermal imaging. Have them go block to bloc, five-mile radius.”

Wesley got on the office phone to give the order as Gunn asked Angel ““What exactly are they looking for? I mean, this is an industrial area. Most of the buildings have a basement of some sort.”

Wesley looked up from the phone. “What about...” he laughed at himself, “I almost said the words "molasses factory" out loud.”

Fred jumped to her feet. “Whiskey.” We all looked at her like she had grown a tail. “I mean, when you're cookin' up whiskey, it makes the whole room smell like molasses.”

I stood walked around the table to squint at the map. “Look for a distillery. Get maps from ten years ago. Maybe it's…still…” Movement through the doors caught my eye and I turned towards it. Andrew, face battered and bloody stood catching his breath, staring at me intently.

“We were attacked. I think she got him. I think she got Spike.”

Dread shivered down my spine. I just got him back! I wasn’t about to lose him again. “Andrew,” I ran to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. “You have to think. You need to tell me exactly where you were when she attacked you.”

“We were down by the docks. She’s bleeding. Spike was tracking her blood. We followed the scent into an alley, but she jumped out and punched me. She knocked me out and when I came to, they were fighting. I tried to tranq her, but she dodged it and kicked me in the head. When I got back up, they were both gone,” he answered.

I turned to Angel. “You can do the same thing, right? Track her by her blood?”

“Spike was actually better at it, but I shouldn’t have a problem,” he responded sullenly.

I nodded and the two of us took off running for the elevator.

We crouched at the top of the stairs. I could feel Spike down in the blackness as his familiar shiver danced along my spine. I wanted to rush down to make sure he was all right, but I knew how foolish that would be. We already knew the girl was capable of murder. And to kill Spike would not be murder to her anyway. She was a Slayer. Killing vampires was what she was meant to do. I didn’t want to do anything to startle her into killing Spike. We were lucky enough she hadn’t done it already. I wondered why she hadn’t, but it was no time to get distracted.

I motioned to Angel, and we slowly crept down the stairs, keeping to the walls so as not to throw shadows that were noticeable down the steps. I could smell the molasses like a wall of perfumed air as we ventured down into the gloom. The psychic had been right on after all.

Angel had used his cell phone at the top of the stairs to notify Wesley and his response team of where we were. He had called for an assault team and ambulances to be standing by, as a worst-case scenario precaution. This was so different from how I was used to doing things. I was accustomed to rushing off recklessly by myself or with Spike and getting first aid from Giles later when I had gotten hurt. Assault teams and Ambulances? It would take some getting used to. Provided I stuck around, that is.

As we neared the bottom, I heard Dana speaking. The room was dark, but I could tell she was moving as she spoke. I just hoped she wasn’t facing the steps. I wanted to catch her unaware to avoid as much damage as possible. I couldn’t understand her. She wasn’t speaking English. It sounded like Chinese.

I heard Spike’s deep voice echo in the dank room. “Yeah. That's what you're remembering—other slayers.”

We reached the bottom of the stairs. I could see the distraught girl squatting down next to Spike. Her back was to us. Thank God for small favors. “You killed her,” she accused softly. Good Lord, Spike was right. In her lunacy, she was remembering the Slayer he had killed during the Boxer Rebellion.

“Yes. But…”The pain in his voice was so intense, I could tell Angel felt it as well as I. I motioned for him to stay while I approached Dana as quietly as I could. I surveyed our surroundings quickly as I moved. Spike was chained to a collection of pipes. They were heavy chains wrapped around his torso. We would need to find the key, for surely there was a padlock in the back of his encasement that would let him go. There always is. It was then I saw Spike’s arms. They ended just above his wrists. She had cut his hands off. I felt my stomach turn and I fought to keep from gagging.

“You killed them both.” Her harsh voice sounded throughout the room. I saw the glint of silver in her hand. She was holding a bone saw.

“That and worse. But I was never here,” Spike whispered. He showed no indication he knew we were there. His eyes never left her face. It became clear. Dana thought Spike was the one that had tortured her all those years ago. This was serious on lots of psychological levels.

Dana abruptly began punching him in the face. His head snapped back under her force. “Doesn't matter! Head and heart. Keep cutting till you see dust.”
She held aloft her bone saw and with a bloodthirsty roar and no coherent thought, I tackled her. I use the inertia to roll to the ground, pulling her with me. I brought my legs up and kicked out hard to send her rolling across the floor. She skittered to her knees with a groan as I jumped back onto my feet. She wasn’t holding the bone saw anymore, but her eyes were darting about the room searching for it. They lit up when she spotted it on the ground maybe fifteen feet from where she was standing. I crouched in a defensive stance and kept myself between her and the blonde vampire. There was no way I was going to let her hurt Spike anymore.

Angel began edging into the room, trying to distract her with his words. “Dana...look, we’re here to help you. The man who tried to hurt you? His name is Walter Kindel. He tried to rob a liquor store 5 years ago, and the police shot him. He—he's dead, Dana.” He slowly began walking towards her. “He can't hurt you anymore.”

She backed up to the wall. “Can’t hurt me. Not weak anymore.”

“That’s right,” I tried to placate her. “No one’s gonna hurt you.”

Dana held her hands out and looked at them. As she curled her hands into fists and glared at us, she said, “Strong. Slayer.” She charged at Angel, kicking at his chest. Angel leaned back just out of her reach, batting her foot out of the way. She threw a punch at the side of his face, but with his unnatural vampiric speed, he blocked her as she sent another kick his way. In blocking that one, he left himself open for a hard hit from her fist to his temple. He went sailing through the air. He landed hard against the wall and didn’t get up. As she ran to attack him again, I threw my leg out in a sweeping kick to knock the legs out from under her. She rolled across the floor as I darted to help Angel to his feet. I heard the scrape of metal on concrete and instinctively knew she had regained her weapon. Angel took on his fighting stance, and I turned to go back to mine.

I heard Angel scream, “Buffy!”

But she was already there, standing in front of me, right against me. There was a warm sensation in my abs. It confused me, why was I warm? Time seemed to stop as I looked imploringly into her eyes. She smiled widely at me her eyes glinting with seething hatred and insane triumph. My mind realized slowly what had happened. It was then I looked down.

The handle of her bone saw was protruding from my stomach an inch to the right of my belly button. My blood was running in a steady stream from the wound. The warmth I felt gave way to burning and then a searing pain took its place. I fell to my knees, clutching the handle of the weapon. I leaned forward and braced myself on the ground with one arm. Through glazy eyes, I watched Dana’s feet leave the ground.

“Now!” I heard Angel shout. I heard three sharp reports and I saw Dana collapse to the floor and then Angel and Wesley were at my side.

“What did you do to her?” I whispered.

“Tranquillizer darts.” Wesley said.

They drug me to my feet and I saw Spike’s arms on a workbench in the far corner of the room. “Angel.” I nodded toward the bench. He turned to the tactical team securing Dana.

“Get the med team down here. Now!” he turned back to me. “Buffy, the saw went all the way through you. The tip is sticking out your back. We need to get you to a hospital.”

“Pull it out, Angel.”

He just stood there looking at me.

“Pull it out!”

He didn’t move. I put my arm around Wesley’s neck and he held my waist. I grabbed the handle of the bone saw. I held my breath and yanked it out. The pain was sharp, but short lived. Holding my hand to the offending wound, I let go of Wesley and slowly walked over to where Spike was being loaded onto a gurney. He smiled slightly when he saw me through his hooded eyes.

“Will you always come to save me, pet?” he whispered.

I touched his lips with my fingertips. “I will as long as you let me.” I whispered back. As the medical team rolled Spike away, I saw that I had left bloody fingerprints on his lips. He never noticed. He had slipped into unconsciousness.

I followed his gurney up the stairs. Fred was on her cell phone next to the ambulance they loaded Spike into. I began making my way over to her.

“Get it prepped. Put surgical on standby. We'll be there in ten minutes. Oh, for God's sake! Tell the shaman no cadavers. We've got his hands.” She hung up her phone and turned around. When she saw me…me covered in my own blood, she gasped and rushed to my side. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and hope plain on my face.

“They can save his hands?” I asked her. I couldn’t bear the thought of Spike being an invalid. He was too strong and independent for that.

She led me to the other waiting ambulance. “They can reattach them at Wolfram and Hart, no problem. There’s a hospital wing for that sort of thing. Buffy, you need to get into the ambulance. I’m sure that,” gesturing toward the massive slice in my stomach, “will need stitches.”

“Or what? I’ll bleed to death?” I shot back sarcastically.
She chuckled and turned to the paramedic in the ambulance. “Just bandage this wound. She’s a Slayer. They heal abnormally fast.”

I grabbed her hand. “Go with Spike, please. I’ll be there soon. I don’t want him to be alone.”
She nodded and left.

I sat and let the young paramedic clean and apply gauze to my wound. It was already feeling much better than it had in the basement. In twenty-four hours, it would be a tiny scratch. I watched idly as Wesley, Angel, and an army of equipped sentinels escorted Dana’s gurney from the basement. I could hear Angel talking. “Chain her into the van. I want armed guards ridin' with her in the back.”

Andrew stepped from the shadows to stand in front of Angel. “That's all right, boys. I'll take it from here. Totally 'appreciate your help on this one, big guy. Never could've found her without you, but you got enough problems of your own to worry about.”

“Get outta the way, Andrew,” Angel growled.

“She's a slayer. That means she's ours.”

Angel ignored him and turned to the guards. “Load her up. Don't hesitate to tranq her if she so much as—“

I was about to get up and confront them when Dawn was suddenly by Andrews’s side. “I don't think you heard him, Angel.” Her voice was low, almost a snarl. The group of Slayers I had sent started materializing out of the darkness, all armed and trained on Angel. “Think we're just gonna let you take her back to your evil stronghold?”

“She's psychotic, and I'm not turning her over...to you two.” Angel admonished.

“You don't have a choice. Check the view screen, Uhura. We’ve got twelve Vampyr Slayers behind us. She's coming with us one way or another.” Andrew said simply.

“You're way outta your league. I'll just clear this with Buffy.” He began looking around for me, but Andrew’s reply quickly drew back his attention.

“Where do you think my orders came from? News flash—nobody in our camp trusts you anymore. Nobody. You work for Wolfram & Hart. Don't fool yourself... we're not on the same side. Thank you for your help... but, uh...we got it.”

My bandaging was finished, so I walked up to the group. I ignored the glares Angel was throwing me and turned to the two Watchers. “Got the tranq gun?” I asked Dawn.

She un-slung the gun from her back and nodded.

“Keep it at the ready. Three shots should bring her down. Be careful.” I hugged her.

“When are you coming home?” she asked.

“I don’t know. When I’ve done what I came here to do, I guess.” I pushed a stray piece of hair off her face. “Check in a lot, ok?” She nodded. “Remember, Soylent Green is people, To Serve Man is a cook book, and if anyone wants you to say Clatto Verata Nicto, make sure you say every single syllable.”

She giggled at me. “I will. Say goodbye to Spike for me. And if you’re staying here for a while, I’m coming back to visit.”

“Deal.” I turned to Andrew. “Take care of Dawn while I’m gone. Maybe you should just move into the flat until I get back.”

He saluted me. “Aye, Aye, Cap’n Slayer!”

I stepped back as the left. I watched my sister, the nerd, and twelve of my protégées walked the gurney off into the dark. I was so proud.

I peeked into the room. When Fred had told me Wolfram and Hart had a hospital wing, I had no idea would have, like, a full service hospital, ambulances, paramedics, the works under their control. It seemed so foreign to me.

Fred was slumped in a chair facing the unconscious vampire in the bed. I stood at the door and watched him sleep. In the stark white hospital gown, lying back against the pillows, hooked up to so many machines, he looked helpless. I had thought Spike was a lot of things over the years, but never that. Not even when in a wheelchair. Not even with the chip in his head. At least then, he could talk other demons into hurting us! He just couldn’t do it himself. It broke my heart to see. A fresh crop of tears sprang to my eyes, and I hurriedly wiped them away. There was no need to cry. I’d done too much of that lately. Enough for a whole lifetime. Besides, his hands, though bandaged, were reattached. Everything would be fine.

I tiptoed in and put my hand on Fred’s shoulder. She startled awake as I kneeled down next to her. “How’s he doin’?” I whispered.

“The surgery came off without a hitch. He hasn’t woken up yet, but he won’t be able to use his hands at all until the drugs wear off,” she informed me.

An aging man with a shock of white hair and a lab coat came bustling in. “Not awake yet I see.” He held out his hand to me. “I’m Dr. Jacobsen. He did well in surgery. He’s already healing. Guess there is an upside to being undead. I’ve only preformed this surgery once before and that was only one hand on a human. It’s not really a surgery so much as a spell and some well placed sewing really. Anyway, it took him a long time to heal, but Spike, on the other hand should be just fine in a few days.”

“I’m Buffy Summers.”

“Are you family?” he asked curiously.

“Not exactly, but I’m the closest thing he has,” I answered. I looked over at Spike again. I had already made my decision. “When he wakes up, can I take him home?” I saw the reservations in the old doctors eyes and quickly added, “When my mother had a brain tumor, I took care of her. I administered meds, kept track of vitals, the whole deal. I just can’t leave him here. Not like this.”

“If he was human, I’d say no. But vampires heal so differently. Tell you what. I’ll come back in an hour. We’ll see if he’s awake and how he’s feeling. We can discuss it again then. Fair?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. He turned and left the room mumbling something about pushy girlfriends. He didn’t know the half of it. I took a deep breath and was rewarded by a dull throbbing pain. I looked down at myself. I was covered with dry, flaky blood. “Maybe I should have stopped back at the hotel for a change of clothes. I’m surprised I haven’t woke Spike up with the smell of this much blood,” I whined. “Damn, these were expensive pants, too.”

Fred giggled at me. “I’ll call Wesley. We’ll go grab some clothes from Spike’s apartment and bring them back here, in case you can take him with you.”

Spike had an apartment? Not a crypt? That’s new. “Thanks, Fred.” As she left the room, I scooted the chair she had been using up to the side of the hospital bed. I folded my arms on the bed and lay my head down. Wouldn’t hurt to relax while he slept. I was just gonna rest my eyes for a minute…


“Buffy!”

“Huh-What?” I said as I bolted from my chair. Sharp piercing pain raged through my side and I sat back down to quiet it. My green eyes were met with sapphire orbs as I took my seat. “Spike, you’re awake.”

“Bleedin’ hell, Slayer, I’ve been yellin’ at you for ten minutes!” he admonished me. His eyes softened. “You smell like blood.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I do.”

“Any of it yours?” he smirked.

I busied myself playing with a lose thread in the blanket on the bed. “Um…all of it, actually,” I whispered. I looked up into his beautiful eyes, brimming with concern for me. I had to tell him, now. Before I completely lost my nerve. “Spike, I need to say something, and I want to get all of it out, before you say anything, ok?”

He looked at me for a moment and then nodded, brow creasing with confusion.

I began. “You know, I practiced this so many times. What I would say if I could see you again. I had the whole thing memorized, every detail, so it was perfect. Every emotion perfectly expressed so there was no doubt what I meant. That said, I don’t remember any of it.” I smiled and looked down at my hands.

“I know you have no reason to trust me. I haven’t given you any cause to. I know that I have treated you appallingly and I hope that some day, you’ll come to forgive me. I’m not asking anything of you. Lord knows, all I deserve is your hatred. But I’ve waited far to long to say this.”

I looked up at him and then back at my hands. I wasn’t sure when I had started crying, but the tears fell in hot rivulets down my face regardless. “When I’m near you, you’re all I can think about. Well, that’s not entirely true. Even when I’m halfway around the world, you’re all I can think about. I love you, William. I’m in love you, and I’m terrified of what that means…” I fell silent. I just couldn’t finish what I wanted to say. I mean….after all that happened between us, how was I to tell him that I had all of eternity to show him that I love him, and if he would just come back to London with me, I would begin to show him. I just couldn’t put it in to words.

“Buffy.” I didn’t look up. I didn’t want him to see me cry. Damn, I was stronger than this. “Buffy, this is where I would usually tip your head so you look at me, but I don’t have the bloody motor skills yet.”

I turned my eyes to his and found them shining with unshed tears. “Say it again,” he whispered.

“I love you.”

‘Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?
Do you sleep, do you count sheep anymore?
Do you sleep anymore?
Do you take plight on my tongue like lead?
Do you fall gracefully into bed anymore?
I saw you as you walked across my room.
You looked out the window, you looked at the moon.
And you sat on the corner of my bed, and
You smoked with the ghost in the back of my head.’

‘Do you sleep’
Lisa Loeb

“So, how are we feeling?” Dr. Jacobsen came bustling into the room oblivious to me turning bright red and Spike intently staring at me. When he was busying himself with checking Spike’s bandages, I excused myself to the hallway. I told him. I had done what I came here to do. It wasn’t lost on me, though, that he hadn’t returned my sentiment. I was to late. I knew it. But at least he knew. I covered my face in my hands and slid down the wall at my back until I was sitting on the ground. A few minutes later, that’s how Fred and Wesley found me.

Wesley was carrying a black duffle bag and a small red cooler. He set down his baggage on the floor and kneeled down next to me. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, lowering my hands. “I just think it might have been a mistake to come barging in here. I mean, I probably don’t even fit in his life, now. What did I think was gonna happen? I’d tell him I love him, and then what? Everything gets all rainbows and puppies with a side of smooches? Like after everything that has happened between us, we could just be together and be happy? I’m such a fool. Why did I think it would change anything? It’s not like saying it erased all the times I told him he was a monster and I could never love him.” I took a deep shaky breath and looked at the duffle bag and the cooler. ”What’s in those?” I asked gesturing to them and very obviously changing the subject. They were kind enough to let it go.

Fred knelt down and opened the cooler. “This was all the blood in Spike’s refrigerator. I didn’t think you would want to go find him any tonight. It’s not like butchers are open at this hour anyway.”

Wesley unzipped the duffel bag. “I grabbed him his usual black ensemble and I also brought him these.” He pulled out a pair of black silky men’s pajamas. “I thought these would be easier than jeans while he’s trying to get his motor skills back. I thought buttons and zippers might be to difficult.”

I stared at the garments in disbelief. “Are these his?”

Wesley blushed and looked down at the floor. “Um…No… they’re mine. Fred and I thought I was the closest to Spike’s size. And even if I wasn’t, it’s not like he’s borrow Angel’s clothes.”

“No kidding. He’s go naked first,” I snorted. “Thanks. You guys are really thoughtful. This is incredible.” I noticed then a dark figure standing above us, staring down at our impromptu powwow on the floor. “Angel.”

“How’s he doin’?” he asked quietly.

“He’s doing good. The doctor’s in there now. You can go in there if you want,” I said.

He nodded and entered the room as the doctor left. “Miss Summers?”

We all stood and I turned to the surgeon. “Yes?”

He smiled kindly at me. “If you’re ready, I’ll show you all the different painkillers and things you need to know. I think your friend’s ready to go home.”

I started to follow the doctor over to the nurse’s station when Wesley touched my arm. “I’ll go help Spike get dressed. Angel can assist me. Fred can help you with the medicine, and when we’re all done here, we’ll drive you back to your hotel.”

I was touched. It was like having much more understanding versions of my own friends here. I just couldn’t see Xander or Giles helping a hospital gown clad Spike into his clothes. “Thank you. Both of you.” I let the obvious appreciation color my face. How would I have done any of this without these two?

Fred and I stood through the doctor’s long oration of the medication that would keep the worst of Spike’s pain at bay. When he had finished, he walked away to check on the rest of his wards. Fred held all the different bottles he had given us. We waited for Wesley and the others to emerge from the room and tell us we were ready to go. Fred looked at me carefully and then said softly, “You aren’t a fool.”

“Huh?” I asked. Her statement had caught me off guard.

“You aren’t a fool. For coming here. You flew halfway around the world to give your heart to the man you love. I mean, you didn’t even know if he returned your feelings, but you came in and told him anyway. That isn’t foolish. It’s brave. It’s courageous! I mean, I spend most of my day in a building with the man I have feelings for, and I can drop little hints, but I can’t just tell him. I’m too afraid,” she said.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Wesley?” I mean, the sparks had been pretty obvious, and he wasn’t exactly the tweed suit Watcher wannabe he had been when he came to Sunnydale. He was quite the honey now. Not that I had noticed.

A bright blush colored Fred’s cheeks, but before I could question her further, the door to Spike’s room opened and the three men inside emerged. Spike was wearing the black silky pajamas with his duster over the top and his leather boots. He and Angel were arguing.

“For the last soddin’ time, I am not riding out of this building in a wheelchair. Think I want you callin’ me roller boy or sit and spin? I think I’ll bloody pass.”

Angel smirked at him. “Now, would I call you that?”

“My God, you really are a wanker, aren’t you?”

I shook my head. These two would argue till the end of time. One of these days, they might even kill each other. I wondered fleetingly if they had ever been friends at all, but as I watched them continue to bait each other, I decided it was an absolute impossibility. They had probably always done this. I was about to break up the fight, when my cell phone started to ring.
I hadn’t even remembered it was in my pocket. Lucky I hadn’t broken it in the fight, really. “Who would be calling me now?” I wondered aloud as we all started walking down the hall to the elevator. I grabbed the phone out of my pants and looked at the number. ‘Bout damn time he called. I had been calling him every day before I left and all I could get was his voicemail. I flipped the phone open and put it to my ear. “Yeah?”

A soft baritone voice came over the line. “So, where we goin’ to dinner tonight. I’m feelin’ Chinese.”

“Oh my God, takes you long enough to return a call. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. I can’t go to dinner with you tonight. I’m not even in London. Hell, I’m not even in Europe. We’ll have to go out after I get back.” Spike’s head shot up and he looked hard at me. I then realized it sounded like I had just canceled a DATE. Oops! I was about to correct the misconception when I was interrupted.

“Well, I was gonna tell you that I’m leaving tomorrow morning for a family reunion in L.A.,” he said.

“Are you kidding? Guess where I am,” I exclaimed.

“Not sure.”

“L.A! What are the odds? We can have dinner when you get here!” We climbed into the elevator. Spike wouldn’t even look at me. “Hey, I’m gonna turn on my cell phone speaker thing so everyone can hear you. I’m getting glowered at.” I pressed the button. “Okay…so, remember the dream I told you about last week? The one I keep having? Or kept having, as would be more accurate,” I asked.

“The one about Spike?” Spike turned confused eyes to me. I could tell he was struggling to remember the voice, and I also saw that Angel already knew who it was. That made sense; Angel had had a lot more contact with him than Spike.

“Yeah,” I answered. “Turns out, it wasn’t just a dream after all. It happened.”

“That’s interesting…so I assume Spike is alive then and that’s why you jumped country?”

“Wolf boy?” Spike interrupted. “You have dinner with Red’s ex tumble?”

I chuckled at his wording. “Oz,” I corrected. “And yeah, we hang.”

We walked out to Wesley’s car. Angel left us at the door, stalking silently out into the lightening street. I guess he wanted to wander off to brood. He really did do that a lot. Xander and Willow, and hell, even Spike was right about it. Why hadn’t I noticed that in high school?

Fred and Wesley got in front and I helped Spike get in the back, then I followed and shut the door. “When you get to L.A. we should have a get together. Of course, that’s if you aren’t to busy hanging with the parentals.”

“What kind of get together? I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?” Oz asked.

I giggled. “Remind me of the difference again?”

“Well, a gathering is Brie, mellow song stylings. Shindig is dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny,” Oz answered.

The car erupted into peals of laughter. Even Spike chucked. “How about you call me when you get some free time here, and we’ll figure it out. I have some nifty new friends for you to meet.”

“I’ll bring my guitar then. Okay, I’ll see ya, Buffy.”
I hung up my phone as Fred turned in her seat to face me. “He sounded fun.”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “He was Willow’s high school boyfriend. You remember him, right, Wesley?” He nodded and I continued. “He was the master of stoicism. He’s opened up a bit since then. He’s a musician. Dawn, Andrew, and I were at a club in Surrey and Oz was playing. We hadn’t seen him in at least three years. I had a drink with him between sets and we’ve been trying to have dinner or something at least once a week now. Last time, he came to my flat with his guitar and we wrote a song,” I added.

Spike said incredulously, “You wrote a song?” He cocked an eyebrow at me.

“Just like modern day poetry.” I smiled at him.

I turned back to the two people sitting in the front seat. “Oz is a werewolf, but through travel and meditation and something about Tibetan monks, he can control his shifting. Like, he doesn’t have to shift for the full moon. It’s pretty cool. Two of his new band mates are shifters too. One wolf and one leopard. I didn’t even know there were different kinds. I always assumed wolves were…you know… it. They aren’t like normal were-animals either. They shift fully into their animal counterpart, not like a half and half thing. They look like normal versions of their beast and they retain their human mind. They can draw on their beasts’ strength when in human form. They have amazing control. They’re teaching Oz to do it too.”

“Fascinating, I had no idea there were different breeds and limits of control with shifters,” Wesley exclaimed. “I should like to talk to him about that when he gets here. Maybe he will be able to help Nina.”

“Who’s Nina?” I asked.

Fred, who was still turned around in her seat, answered. “Nina is a girl that was bitten by a werewolf, some really rare and violent breed. She comes in and spends her three ‘shifting nights’ in a cell in Wolfram and Hart.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “She has the biggest crush on Angel, but he seems determined not to notice. I think he’s afraid of getting close to someone after everything that happened with Cordelia.”

Cordy? I wondered what had happened with Cordy. But Angel’s love life was none of my business and I wanted to keep it that way.

“There’s actually a group of them.” I continued. “The wolves have a pack and the leopards have a pard. They go out into the wilderness to shift and they hunt together. Deer, wild boar, whatever is in wilds of England, I guess. We have an agreement with them all at the Council. As long as they keep their killing to wild animals, that’s cool with us and we let them walk free. But if a human is bitten or killed, I get to exercise ‘Slayer Law’ and we’ll blood test them all. The one with the human blood in their system, the pack will execute. Either that, or I will. No one has lost control yet. Jason and Nathaniel, Oz’s band mates tell me that between the pack and the pard, no human has been bitten in three years, that they know of.”

Spike looked at me skeptically.

I glared at him. “They are a lot of things, but they aren’t liars.” I turned back toward Fred and Wesley. “The whole pack dynamic is based on dominant and submissive pack members. Kind of like a vampire family. They have leaders. The more dominant, the more respected. Jason is in the middle of the pack structure, while Nathaniel is at the bottom of the pard. A step above food. They both acknowledge that I am more powerful than them, so they won’t lie. That, and they’re my friends.

“ I mean, sure, Jason’s a lech and will come on to anything with breasts. He makes Lorne look shy. And Nathaniel is like a little boy trapped in a mans body, totally scared and unsure of himself around me, but they readily embraced me when Oz introduced me, one literally and the other figuratively.”

Fred giggled.

“Some bloke you barely met gets to bloody hug you?” Spike growled.

“Jealous, are we?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Bloody right, I am!”

I scoffed at him. “It’s his job to be flirtatious. Both of them really. They’re strippers…at a club called ‘Guilty Pleasures.’ Oz is a bartender there. I’ve been there a lot lately.” When Spike turned to fully face me and stare a gape, I amended my statement. “To drink, Spike, not to watch the men. Andrew goes with me and we hang out at the bar with Oz and the others if they aren’t working. No ogling. I have been ogle free for some time now.” I winked at him and whispered, “I haven’t had anyone to look at.”

We pulled up in front of the hotel and piled out of the car. I hugged Wesley and Fred both and thanked them. They promised to call later to check on Spike and then they left us standing in front of the massive building. We took the elevator to the eighth floor and went to my room. First time I had ever stayed in a hotel with a man before. Scary.

We were silent as I unloaded Spike’s blood into my mini-fridge next to the tiny bottles of alcohol that were looking better and better by the second. I fought back my inner drunk and motioned for Spike to follow me and I led him through the living room and back into the bedroom.

Spike sat down on the edge of the king sized bed and stared at his hands that still wouldn’t move. I could tell he was thinking something, but I didn’t want to ask. I kneeled down in front of him and began unlacing his boots. “The doctor said you should be able to start moving your hands a little in an hour or two. If it hurts a lot, I can give you some painkillers, but you’ll have to tell me.” I slipped one boot off and started on the next one. I studiously kept my head down so I wouldn’t have to look at him. Chicken, who me? When they were both off, I took them and set them by the closet doors, where I sat down on the floor to remove my own boots. They were blood spattered and scuffed. Might need to get new ones, I thought. Nah, what’s a little bloodstain anyway? Gave them character. Slaying was hell on the wardrobe.

I turned back to the bed. Spike still hadn’t moved. I walked to him and began helping him out of his duster. I took it and hung it in the closet with my clothes. Before I turned around, I heard him speak.

“I heard what you said,” he intoned softly.
I started turning down the bed as I
whispered, “What I said when?”

“When you were in the hall with Percy and Science Girl. That you think it might be a mistake coming here. That you won’t fit in my life now.”

Damn vampire hearing. I had forgotten. I said nothing as I finished the bed and waited for him to tell me I didn’t fit anymore. I started rummaging around in my suitcase to find something to sleep in. I grabbed a silky blue cami with black lace trim. It was one of my new favorite pieces. Maybe a little suggestive for sleeping next to Spike, but hell, I was injured, and damn it, I was gonna be comfy. Spike’s sensibilities be damned. I found the matching boy cut undies that went with it when I felt him standing right behind me. I whipped around and looked up at him.

“I’m glad you’re here, pet. I’ll always make a place for you in my life if you’ll have me.” He leaned down and softly brushed his lips across mine. He stepped back and smiled at me. It was a real smile, a rare thing for Spike.

I slung my newly picked out clothes over my arm and steered him back to the bed. “You just had major surgery! You need to rest.” I helped him slip under the covers. As I leaned to pull the blankets up around him, I got a sharp pain in my gut. It felt like I had reopened part of my healing cut.

Spike noticed me wince. “You said you were hurt. What happened?” he asked, motioning with his head to the bandage that was clearly visible under my cropped shirt. “Let me see.”

I didn’t hesitate, which in and of itself is strange for me. I dropped my pajamas on the floor. I swept my bloody shirt over my head and stood before him in my black satin bra. I pulled at the edge of the taped wound until it peeled away. I threw the gauze in the trashcan by the bed. Then I turned back to the vampire eyeing me.

I was right. The wound was bleeding again, not heavy, but steady. I could see the want in Spike’s eyes as my blood trickled down my stomach. In a quick decision and a blatant show of trust, I climbed onto the bed and straddled Spike. I got up on my knees and leaned forwards as he slid down in the bed until my wound was right in front of his mouth.

“Buffy,” he looked up at me with eyes full of need, “are you sure?”

I smiled down at him and drug one of my fingers through the river of blood slowly streaming down my abs. I held my finger to his lips. Using my most seductive voice, I said, “What? You’ve never wanted to taste me?”

With a growl, he sucked my finger into his mouth. His tongue swirled around the tip sending shivers down my spine. I pulled my finger out of his mouth as he put his face to my weeping lesion. His tongue licked along the bottom of the wound as he slowly moved upward with sure strokes. He licked around it and then moved to lick the lips of the wound. His tongue on my body sent little jolts of electricity straight to my core. When it was completely devoid of blood, I got to my feet. Grabbing my clean clothes from the ground, I winked at Spike. “I’ll be right back.” I turned and headed for the bathroom, visions of Spike’s tented blankets dancing through my head. It gave me a surge of womanly pride.

I peeled the blood soaked leather pants from my legs. I was covered in flaking blood. I grabbed a washcloth from the towel rack and ran it under warm water. I washed the blood from my legs and what I could reach of my back, opting for a shower in the morning. I was too tired to bother with it tonight. I rinsed the washcloth until the water finally ran clean.

My ruined clothes I stuffed in the small trashcan. The maids in this hotel were just going to love me. Bloody ruined leather pants in the bathroom, bloody washcloths, bloody bandages, and blood in the refrigerator. I would have to tip well for their silence. I cast a fleeting thought at what the Council would end up paying for this room. I shrugged it off and got dressed. The silky texture of the camisole felt heavenly on my skin. I donned the underwear and pulled my hair up into a quick ponytail. I cast an appraising glance in the mirror, and liking the effect, left the bathroom to face the vampire in my bed.

“My God, luv. You are a vision.” Spike whispered reverently.

“Well, my yummy sushi pjs got lost in the Crater that is Sunnydale, so I had to replace them with something,” I tried to quip. Truth be told, I was ridiculously nervous. Why? It was just Spike. He’d seen me in less.

‘Self,’ I said to myself, ‘haven’t you wasted enough time where Spike was concerned? He’s a good man and you love him. He used to love you, if you haven’t blown it. One way to find out, though. In the immortal words of the Doors, the time to hesitate is through.’

I crawled up the bed to straddle his lap once more. His features wore a deep expression of shock. Taking his beautiful face in my hands, I kissed him, softly at first but deepening as I felt him harden again beneath me. I swept my tongue over the fullness of his bottom lip and I felt him draw a sharp unneeded breath. I pulled his tongue into my mouth and stroked the underside with my tongue. As he ground his hips up into my silk covered center, I threw my head back and he nibbled along my neck. I brought my hands around to stroke the soft curls at the nape of his neck.

“God, I wish I could touch you, pet,” he moaned, his voice thick with need.

That gave me all sorts of naughty ideas. “That’s right,” I said in my throaty seductive voice, “you can’t use your hands.” I slid down his legs. “I could do anything to you.” I slowly raked back the blankets to expose his legs, his manhood straining against the fabric of his pants. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.” I hooked my thumbs into the offending garment and slowly pulled it off. A beautiful sight greeted me. Standing at full attention was Spike’s weeping cock.

I looked up at Spike’s face. His eyes were raw with lust. As I licked my lips, he groaned with need. I leaned down and took the tip of his throbbing member into my mouth. I felt him tremble as I swept my tongue around the head and lapped at his dripping slit. I worked my way slowly down his cool thick shaft until the tip of him hit the back of my throat. Only when my lips felt the solid touch of his body did I stop. I swallowed around him and crept back up. I engulfed him with sure strokes bringing my hand up to caress his length as it slid out of my mouth. I licked along the front of the shaft, licked it like a big piece of candy that I didn’t want to melt. Licked it back and forth, up and down until he cried out and his legs convulsed against the sheets.

“Buffy, luv, I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop,” he gasped.

I got up from my place on the bed and slid my panties down my legs and drew my top over my head. As I stood naked before the man I loved, all my nervousness melted away. It had been far to long to indulge in insecurities now.

I crawled back into Spike’s lap, unbuttoning his silky-smooth shirt as I went. When I reached the bottom, I sat back on his thighs to admire my handiwork. His face with those amazing eyes, those cheekbones, that mouth, the line of his neck spilling into the wide, hard flesh of his shoulders, his chiseled chest, the curve of his ribs under muscle leading my gaze to the flat plain of his stomach, the slight dimple of flesh that was his belly button, the rich swell of his hips, and finally the ripeness of him. I let the appreciation of his masculine beauty show in my face as my eyes raked over his naked form. I leaned forward and kissed him passionately, putting all the pain and wanting I had been feeling since his death into that kiss. As he thrust his tongue into my mouth, I positioned his cock at my dripping opening. I slid his cool tip into my wet heat.

He gasped as I slowly sunk onto his taut erection. “Buffy, you’re so tight,” he groaned.

I leaned forward and put my lips to his ear. “No one’s had me since you,” I whispered. With that, I impaled myself on the rest of his length, crying out as my inner walls stretched to accommodate his thick member. He growled as he bucked his hips up into me. I started a steady pace as he leaned forward to capture my lips with his once more. He changed the angle of hips so every time he thrust inside me, he rubbed over that bundle of nerves he knew would send me into a frenzy. I wrapped my arms around Spike’s neck as I rode him faster. I could tell from his ragged breathing he was nearing completion. There was time for slow seduction later. Right now, both of us needed release.

“Spike,” I gasped, “mark me.”

He looked at me with wide wild eyes.

“Here,” I whispered, bringing my fingers to the bite mark on my neck. It had originally been Angel’s mark, but it was also the same place Dracula had bitten me. And the Master. “Blot out these marks. If I carry anyone’s scar, I want it to be yours.” Seeing the hesitation written on his face, I pouted at him. “Please William, please?” I let the lust and need make my voice a throaty whisper.

With a low growl, his face shifted and his cobalt eyes flashed gold. I tilted my head and held his gaze.

“I love you, pet. You know that, right?” His feral eyes searched mine.

My heart soared with the confirmation. “I know. I love you, too,” I whispered.

Fangs plunged into my neck as he ground his hips up, pushing his cock further into me. I screamed as I came hard. Every suck from his talented mouth caused mini orgasms to tremble through my body. I could feel my inner muscles fluttering around Spike’s member. He pulled away from my neck as he roared my name and his release, spilling his cool seed into my depths.

As I settled in next to Spike to sleep, I felt whole, content for the first time in a long time.

The ringing phone broke into my sleep like a siren. I groaned and leaned across Spike’s sleeping form to grab the receiver.

“If Dawn isn’t hurt and the world isn’t ending, I’m hanging up.” I moaned into the phone.

“Buffy, we need to talk.”

“Giles,” I opened an eye and glanced at the clock. 9:30 I had only been asleep for three hours. “I was awake for almost forty eight hours straight and I have the jet lag from hell. Can whatever this is about wait a few more hours? I really need the sleep. Please?” I begged him.

“No, this can’t wait any longer.” My watcher’s voice was stern and his annoyance echoed over thousands of miles.

Damn. “Okay, just gimme a minute to wake up. I’m gonna set the phone down and go to the bathroom and then we can talk.” I looked up into Spike’s open but sleepy eyes. I put a finger to my lips to signal him not to speak and crawled out of the bed. I grabbed my cami off the floor from where it had fallen barely three hours before. I hadn’t wanted to get out of bed again to put it back on, but I just couldn’t have a conversation with Giles in the nude. That would be wrong. I pulled on my underwear and grabbed some pajama pants from my suitcase. When I had shimmied into them, I saw Spike’s eyebrow lift and I grinned. Little cartoon Dracula’s graced the black fabric of the pants. Dawn had picked them out, thinking they were funny. I had agreed.

I sat down on the edge of the bed. It was so to early for this! I hit the speaker button. Thank God for speakerphones. They saved me from having to repeat everything that was said. I wasn’t going to keep Spike out of the loop as long as he could stay quiet until the appropriate time. “Alright, Giles, what’s the sitch?”

“Your friends and I are concerned about your sudden departure to L.A. We wanted to remind you that if you are starting up a relationship with Angel again, he is the CEO of an evil law firm.” I stifled a giggle with my hand as Spike growled and let Giles continue with his tirade, unaware. “ You haven’t had the greatest luck with men, and you tend to get distracted from your duties. And what with your responsibilities to the budding Council, we all feel it would be unwise to take up with someone of his nature,” he finished.

Wait a second. “We?” I asked. Then the realization hit me. “Am I a conference call? When did this happen? Is this an over the phone intervention? Are there going to be a bunch of ‘I’ statements now?”

I heard a familiar giggle on the line. “Dawn? Is everyone in on this call?”

“Yes,” Giles’ stern voice intoned. “Xander, Willow, Faith, Andrew and Dawn. Although the last two didn’t think they needed to be here for this. Something about already knowing what was happening and that we are blowing it out of proportion and we should mind our own business. But since neither of them would inform us as to what was really going on, you will have to explain.”

“Andrew? Dawn? You couldn’t defend my honor or anything?” I mock pouted.

“Hey, you hid it, you spill it, drama mama,” Andrew snarked.

I was silent. Now, I had avoided telling them about the cause of my trip because I knew how they would all react. Giles would say ‘Oh dear lord’ and clean his glasses, Willow would wring her hands and stammer, and Xander would wig. How was I supposed to be honest and open with my friends when I knew they would be upset with what I was going to say?

“Come on, B. Whatever’s goin’ on, you can tell us.” Well, maybe Faith would understand. She was more open-minded than the rest of them.

All right big tough Buffy, it’s time. I dove right in. “I started having these dreams that Spike was alive and in L.A. I kept having them. Major repeat-o-vision. I called here to talk to Wesley about them.” I heard Giles snort his derision. “He was in the dreams, I thought he would be able to tell me if they were real, or if I was just…you know…pining. But when I called here, Wesley was out and I talked to Fred instead.”

“Oh, I love her!” Willow exclaimed. Sheepishly she added, “Sorry.”

“What did ya find out, Buff?” Xander asked.

I took a deep breath. “I found out that the amulet Spike wore at our ‘final battle’ said with finger quotes, made its way back to Wolfram and Hart. It was mailed there or something. When Angel opened the package and the amulet fell out, Spike’s essence was released from it. Guys, he’s back,” I finished quietly. I watched Spike as he tried desperately not to laugh.

“Oh, dear lord,” Giles said. Predictable.

“Spike’s alive?” Xander said disbelievingly.

“No. Still bloody dead. Just back, whelp,” Spike chuckled.

“And in your room! Really early in the L.A. morning,” Xander exclaimed.

I said nothing. What was I supposed to do? Deny it? Kinda useless at this point. Well, might as well take a dominant role. “Yes, he is Xander. Are we gonna have an issue or are you ready to let me make my very own decisions yet? I’m a big girl. I tie my own shoes and everything.”

“Hey. backing up quickly, hands in the air. I’m not judging, just grasping,” Xander backpedaled.

Spike snorted.

“Good,” I replied. “I’m tired of the judging. I don’t really care what any of you think about Spike anyway. I mean, I’d love your support. You’re my friends and you mean a lot to me. But if you can’t handle it, that’s cool too.” My voice dared them to say something derogatory.

“Good for you, B. You tell em’.” Funny that after everything that’s happened between us, Faith was the one that had my back. The world was an interesting place sometimes.

“Red, you haven’t said anything yet. I know you don’t bloody approve of anything between the Slayer and me.” Spike probed.

There was a heavy silence on the phone, and then Willow spoke for the first time. “Buffy, when I realized I had feelings for Tara, I came to you because I knew you would be support-o-gal and not judge or condemn. And even though I know you don’t like Kennedy…you never say anything. You’re just happy that I am. The very least I can do is reciprocate. That and Spike? He saved all of our lives, and more than once. And he loves you. You could do a lot worse.”

I looked at Spike. The emotion played across his face as Willow came up to bat for him. It was obviously not what he had been expecting.

“Not to mention,” Willow continued, “if you’re going to pick a vampire, at least you picked the most human one we’ve ever met.”

Spike looked at the phone incredulously. “What? Bollocks!”

Dawn giggled. “Oh, come on Spike, you’re a crappy vampire!” she exclaimed.

“I bloody well am not!”

Willow stepped in again. “What I meant is, you eat human food, you retain human vices like drinking and smoking, and you embraced human emotion, even before you got back your soul. You’re more alive than some of the living people I know.”

“That and you weren’t even all that scary. I mean, come on, you were evil and you still helped Buffy save the world from Angelus,” Dawn quipped.

Spike scoffed at her belligerence. “Right then, I was a bad, bad vampire. Is that why you barely acknowledged me while you were here, platelet?”

“Hey, now, that’s not fair,” Dawn huffed. “Andrew launched himself into your arms almost the second you walked in the door. I wanted to feel like the responsible adult for once and not a giggling teenage girl, unlike some people.” Andrew could be heard whining over the phone line. It made me smile. It was just like old times at the house on Revello Drive.

“So, you’re a Watcher now, eh, bit?” He looked at the phone proudly, lovingly. It made my heart swell to seen how much he thought of my sister.

“Well, I attend the Watcher’s Academy. With as much as the First knew, I’m surprised the Academy wasn’t bombed allow with the Council building.” And then she added under her breath, “But they may as well have after what Buffy did.”

Vampire hearing yet again. “What did the Slayer do?”

“She basically destroyed the curriculum of the school. They are no longer allowed to teach the ‘Demons bad, humans good’ mantra. They also have to teach, what is it you call it, Buffy? The gray area?”

“Yep,” I nodded. “Some humans are evil, some demons are good. And while, we can’t kill the evil humans, we can learn to accept the good demons,” I replied.

“I hate to change the subject,” Giles stammered, “but Andrew and Dawn told us you were injured in the fight to contain Dana. Would you care to tell us what happened?”

At the mention of Dana, Spike busied himself looking at his hands. I watched with excitement and pride as he flexed his fingers and rotated his wrists for the first time since the surgery. The look of sheer delight on his face was beautiful, liken to that of a small boy at Christmas. I was distracted by the absolute joy on his face when I heard Giles clear his throat.

“Yeah, I got hurt, but not like Spike did,” I said quietly.

Spike looked up sharply at me. Had I said the wrong thing? Did he not want the Scoobies to know about his injury, like they would see it as a weakness? I just wanted to tell my friends above how they had reattached Spike’s hands and how amazing it was when I was surprised by a voice.

“That Dana bird cut my bloody hands off.” There was a multitude of shocked and surprised sounds, plus one ‘Oh dear Lord’ before he continued. “But the real reason I say this is, Wolfram and Hart put them back on. They reattached them. When the doctor came to talk to me, I asked him if this could be done with older injuries. Like, say, if someone had lost his or her eye…” he trailed off.

My jaw must have fallen right off my head. He had made an inquiry to the doctor for Xander. Xander who had never liked him, wanted to stake him and called him ‘Evil Dead.’

“Captain Forehead said if you’re interested, call and let him know. Wolfram and Hart will pick up the tab. I know you don’t trust these guys. I don’t bloody trust them either, but they did help me.”

Xander stammered a surprised “Thank you.”

“You are implying then that you are not employed by the firm.” Giles intoned skeptically.

Spike snorted. “Well, I tried to get the Great Poof to give me an office, but he would have none of that. I just wanted a place to call my own inside the building or otherwise. But I got a deal with the powers and I have an apartment now and everything. Some guy named Doyle gets these visions, I run about and save people. Help the helpless and all that. I met him in a stri…”

He turned red and stopped speaking, but something else he said had caught my attention. Doyle…why did that sound so familiar? I knew I had heard it somewhere before. If only I could think of it.

It was Xander, surprisingly enough, that came to Spike’s aide “So, Buff, you got hurt, too? How’d that go?”

“Like a bone saw through abdomen,” came my snarky reply. Better to put the ‘Doyle’ out of my head for now. I would probably remember it if I didn’t think about it.

“And how is it now?” Giles asked.

I pulled my shirt up and looked at said wound. “If I didn’t know any better, just at having seen it, I would guess it happened days ago, not hours.”

“See, Buffster? And you were all power-freaked about this whole immortality thing.”

Spike stared agape at me. “The whole what thing?”

So much for riding the mellow.

‘You should know that I love you
We should love like lovers do
And I can't help but fall for you
Ah honey I'm just a fool
Now you know
Lover, when will you?
I'm so afraid that no one cares
Lover, can't find you
I swear to God don't leave me here
Now you know’
‘Said Sadly’
Smashing Pumpkins

Gotta love room service. Six hours, one nap, one plate of hot wings, two packs of Marboros, four energy drinks and four mugs of blood later, we were almost done. We had covered practically everything. We sat cross-legged on the bed across from each other, knees touching. We had talked a lot. Of course, we had avoided discussing what all of this might mean for us. The prophecy, the council, most of the things that had happened since we had fled Sunnydale, we had covered all of that. He had taken it all in stride, even my impending immortality. Although he hadn’t said a lot, I could see the wheels turning in his head, but I knew better than to ask. He would tell me when he was ready. I was lost in that thought when he finally broached the subject I know he had been dying to ask me about since Angel’s office.

“So…. tell me about your tattoo.”

I chuckled. Smooth. “Well, it’s not just about you. I mean, it is, but in a lot of different ways. It’s a reminder. It’s to remind me that allies come from unexpected places, you should embrace love where you find it, people can surprise you, there is NOT a clear line between good and evil, some people will never really leave you, and that my mother was always right about men for me.”

He furrowed his brow. “Your mum?”
“Well, she never really liked Angel…but that’s not what I mean.”

He grinned at me. “The night before she went in for her surgery, she told me you had been coming to see her in the hospital.” He looked down at his hands sheepishly as I continued. “She said that you came to the house a lot when I wasn’t home, and that you went and helped her at the gallery all the time. She really liked you. And she thought that the fact that you never did these things while I was around only gave credence to her claim that, although a vampire, you were not a terrible guy.”

“She was a nice lady, your mum. I liked her. She treated me like a man.” His gaze finally returned to my eyes.

“She also said that she knew that if anything happened to her, you would take care of us. And she was right. You have. You were the reason…” I trailed off.

He cocked his head to the side. “Reason?”

“By the time we got to LAX, we all had places we decided to go. Xander went to Africa. I think he wanted to go somewhere away from all of us, be by himself. I think he just wants to find a normal girl and settle down. He doesn’t work for the Council or anything. He’s just there for himself. He sent me some bracelets from Morocco last week. Willow and Kennedy went to Brazil. They run a Wiccan/Slayer training thing down there. Faith and Robin went to Cleveland to guard a Hellmouth there. All their flights were before ours, so I watched my friends as they flew off to all the corners of the globe. Now, a year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to do that. But I thought back to the night that they all kicked me out of the house, and the only person who came looking for me…was you.” I looked into his eyes. “You gave me so much strength that night. With your touch and your words. I’ve carried it with me every day since then. That’s what this tattoo is about.”

I got up from my spot on the bed and stretched. My back popped and I felt stiffer than I had been in a long time. Funny how sitting for a long period of time was almost akin to fighting on the body. I looked down at Spike’s thoughtful expression as he took in all that I had told him.

“We have a lot to talk about.” I began as he looked up at me. “About us. Where we go from here. If any of this” motioning to him and then to myself, “means…anything. If this changes anything, I mean. You have a commitment to the Powers that Be and that’s here, in L.A. I have a commitment to the new Council, and that’s in London. At some point, I will have to return there. But I don’t want to think about any of that right now. I just want to bask. But first…God, I need a shower.” I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “Otherwise known as the ‘I’m not in the habit of pouring my heart out and now that I have twice in as many days, I’m retreating to the bathroom for some much needed me time’ thing.”

He smirked up at me and I turned to leave. A timid hand grabbed mine and I whirled to face the now standing vampire. He pulled me to him and kissed me breathlessly and then stepped back. The sudden loss of contact left me staggering. He smirked at me as I stumbled towards the bathroom. When I got to the door, I turned back to him. “I love you.”

His smirk softened into a smile. “You love me.” He sat back down on the bed. “Buffy loves me. Buffy Summers is in love with me. The Slayer in love with Spike. Buffy loves William.”

I giggled at him. “How many times and ways are you going to say it?”

“Just trying to wrap my lobes around it. You love me.”

I nodded. “Yes, I do. I love you. I have for a long time. I wish I would have said it before, but you’ll just have to settle for me saying it a whole lot now. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”



Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
‘Vindicated’
Dashboard Confessional

I left the bathroom with my makeup freshly applied, hair freshly curled, and the hotel bathrobe snugly in place. I expected Spike to be waiting, or snacking, or watching T.V. Imagine my surprise when I found him curled up on the bed sleeping, clutching my pillow in his arms. I walked over to the side of the bed to study him. It felt like it had been so long since I’d seen him. I wanted to remember everything. As I looked down at him, he looked so much like a little boy, his stilled bandaged arms wrapped around my pillow like it was a lifeline. When I got close to him, I could hear him purring. It brought a smile to my face. He was the only person, human or otherwise, I had ever heard make a sound like that. It was the most precious thing I had ever heard in my life.

I was startled out of my reverie by my ringing cell phone. I grabbed it from the nightstand and dashed into the bathroom with a backward glance to the snoozing vampire on my bed. Still sleeping. I shut the door quietly and flipped open the phone. “Yeah?”

“Uh…. Buffy…it’s Fred.”

“Hi Fred,” I said brightly. I was really glad she called. Granted, she had interrupted the memorization of my lover, but I truly could see a friendship building with her. It would be nice to have a girl to talk about boys with again!

“How’s Spike doing?”

I smiled at her question. None of the Scoobies would have asked. They wouldn’t really have cared. “He can use his hands now. We talked a lot. He’s sleeping right now.”

Well, that works out because I was going to ask you if you’d like to…come to the firm…and…hang out in my lab with me?” she finished lamely.

I laughed out loud. “Of course, Fred! I’ll come hang with you. And if we happen to discuss ex-watcher/hottie demon research guy …don’t deny it, I know you were thinking it,” I said as she started to stammer, “worry not. I’d love to. I’ve gotta get dressed, but I’ll be there soon. Where’s your lab? Do I have to find it?”

Fred giggled at me. “Of course not! Do you think I would just leave you to get lost in the building? I’ll meet you in front of Angel’s office. When you get here, just tell his secretary to call me and tell me that you’re here, okay?”

I agreed and hung up the phone. I slipped back into the bedroom to grab some clothes. I selected some dark wash jeans; a ‘Guilty Pleasures Staff’ fitted tee and my blood-spattered boots. I retreated to the bathroom to dress. I didn’t want to wake Spike. He had been through so much, what with losing his hands, finding out about everything. He had taken so much in stride, but I was guessing he was exhausted.

It was so quiet in the bathroom; I reached outside the door and grabbed my headphones out of my suitcase. I plugged them into my phone and turned on the mp3 player. As Sid Vicious began his raspy rendition of ‘My Way’ I finished lacing up my boots. I stood up and looked in the mirror. I checked out the marks on my neck. Spike’s marks. The old scars weren’t even visible anymore. All I needed to do was have him bite over the one in my arm and I would be all set. I danced about the room tossing my hair and then I continued on dancing right out the bathroom door. I was stopped when I caught a striking pair of ice blue eyes staring at me. I ran my fingers through my hair to get it out of my face and pulled the earphones from my ears. As I turned off the music, I grinned sheepishly at him. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said quietly.

“S’okay, pet. I had thought the shirt was just for looks. I hade no soddin’ clue you actually listen to the Sex Pistols. Most people just get ‘Never Mind the Bollocks,’ but that’s ‘Flogging a Dead Horse,’ isn’t it?” Spike asked me, astonished.

“Yeah,” I nodded. I decided to impress. “I actually celebrate their entire collection at home. I had Dawn load them onto the mp3 player on my phone. You should have seen me dancin’ around on the plane. ‘Bollocks’ is my favorite album. A lot of people dismiss it as merely a series of loud, ragged mid-tempo rockers with a harsh, grating vocalist and not much melody and they are so wrong! The already anthemic songs are rendered positively transcendent by Johnny Rotten's rabid, foaming delivery. His bitterly sarcastic attacks on pretentious affectation and the very foundations of British society were all carried out in the most confrontational, impolite way possible. Most imitators of the Pistols' angry nihilism missed the point: Underneath the shock tactics and theatrical negativity were social critiques carefully designed for maximum impact. ‘Never Mind the Bollocks’ perfectly articulated the frustration, rage, and dissatisfaction of the British working class with the establishment, a spirit quick to translate itself to strictly rock and roll terms. The Pistols paved the way for countless other bands to make similarly rebellious statements, but arguably none were as daring or effective. It's easy to see how the band's roaring energy, overwhelmingly snotty attitude, and Rotten's furious ranting sparked a musical revolution, and those qualities haven't diminished one bit over time. ‘Never Mind the Bollocks’ is simply one of the greatest, most inspiring rock records of all time.”

Spike stared at me agape. He said nothing for at least a full minute. But when he did…“Who are you and what have you done with Buffy?”

I laughed out loud at him. “Had you going, didn’t I? Oz was arguing with a guy at the bar the other night about the Sex Pistols. I just remember a bunch of what he said. It was the most I had ever heard him say at one time. God, you should have seen your face.” I stopped my laughing and looked at him curiously. “You don’t think I’m smart enough to glean that from the album, though?”

“I just didn’t think you knew a lot about the bloody British working class and politics, pet. I don’t doubt your intelligence.” He stopped and looked at my clothes. “Are you going somewhere?” he asked.

“Fred called while you were sleeping. She wants me to come hang out with her a bit.” I handed him one of the two room keys. “Are you going to come find me when the sun sets, or do you want me to come back here?”

He smiled at me and stood up. Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, he kissed my cheek. “You really like her, don’t you, kitten?”

“Yeah, she seems so sweet. You like her too, right?” He nodded, so I continued. “Did you know she likes Wesley?”

He smirked and shook his head. “Science girl likes Percy. That’s rich. Guess you are the only bird who likes a British accent.”

I slapped his arm playfully. “Yep, it’s only the accent. That’s the whole reason I left LONDON and flew here. The accent.”

“Well, at least you’re honest!” he grinned at me. “I’ll get cleaned up and then meet you at Wolfram and Hart. I’m sure this hotel has sewer access.”

I grabbed a stake and stuck it in the waistband of my pants. “Okay, then. I’ll see you soon.” I walked to the door and turned around when I got there. “I really want these people as my friends. Could you just try to call them by their names?”

I left to Spike laughing so hysterically tears were streaming down his face.

“Harmony?!”

“Buffy?! What are you doing here? You haven’t come to stake me, have you?” Harmony was cowering behind her desk.

Good God. Angel really must be a glutton for punishment. I grabbed the stake from my waistband and twirled it between my fingers. Now, I have to be honest. It was tempting to stake her just because I hated her so much, but I was an adult after all, so I dismissed the thought…but I did think it.

“Will you call Fred and tell her I’m here?” I asked through gritted teeth.

She nodded slowly and picked up the phone.

“Buffy!”

I whirled around to face my excited ex-watcher striding confidently toward me. “Hey, Wes. Good, I needed to talk to you anyway.”

“How was Spike this morning? Was he able to move his hands when you left? And how is your injury?” His concern was plain on his face.
“I’m doing fine.” I lifted the bottom of my shirt and showed him my rapidly healing slash. “Almost good as new! As for Spike, he was doing great when I left. I think he was the most excited when he regained enough motor skills to light his own smoke. I was getting tired of doing two at a time anyway. He was going to get cleaned up and then meet me here.”

“Will he be going back to England with you then?” he asked.

“You can’t take my Blondie Bear back to England! I mean, I know he has this disgusting Slayer fixation, but he’ll get over that to be with me!” Harmony screeched. She stood at her desk with her hands on her hips. “I’ll have you know he told me I was wearing a pretty skirt a few days ago. That’s way nicer than he was when we were together. We were meant to be! I’m sure we’ll be sleeping together before the end of the week…”

I turned and flung the stake with no second thoughts, no regrets. I watched as if in slow motion it passed through her heart and imbedded itself in the wall behind where she had stood. As her dust floated down over the desk, I felt a wide smile of satisfaction spread over my face. I retrieved the stake and turned back to Wesley. “I’ve wanted to do that for years. I’m so glad I finally got the chance.”

He started to laugh and then I joined him, and we clutched each other as we laughed hysterically, tears rolling down each of our cheeks until Angel interrupted our gigglefest.

“Buffy, did you kill Harmony?”

“Yeah…yeah, I really did,” I said between chuckles.

Angel glared at me. “Now I have to train someone new!” he whined.

Fred came walking into the lobby then. I grabbed her arm and Wesley’s and they walked me to Fred’s lab. Once there, I motioned them up into the office. Once the door was shut, I turned to Wesley. “I have an offer to extend to you. Fred can be here for that, right?”

He nodded and looked perplexed. “. What kind of offer?”

I crossed my arms across my chest and kicked out my hip. “As the second highest member of the Watchers Council, I’m here to offer you back your full status as Watcher, plus your salary, retroactive from the month you were let go. In exchange, I want copies of the diaries I’m sure you have kept since you have been in L.A. That’s all I want, except, of course, a promise that you will come an visit us in London from time to time after I go back, whenever that may be.”

“Why the diaries?”

“Because I am curious about what’s been going on here. My spidey sense is tingling and I gotta to know why. I know that when you were my watcher, I gave you all sorts of hell. I know that you have no reason to believe that I would value your opinion in any way, but the truth is…you weren’t a bad watcher. You just had the misfortune of being my watcher after Giles, and let’s face it, I have an issue with authority. I hated the Council and you were the embodiment. And I was seventeen. I didn’t want to separate you from the Council. It was easier to hate you. But I’m not that girl anymore. I realize what an asset you can be.”

He smiled shyly at me and shuffled his feet along the floor.

“I can feel something happening here. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve felt it since the plane touched down.” I cocked my head to the side and closed my eyes. “Like a low vibration. I can feel it dancing along my skin. Something dark and evil. I want to know what’s been going down here. Your journals are a great way to do that. I’d get the emotions and thoughts as they happened, not as you try to call them back now if I was to ask you. You don’t have to answer me right away. Of course, you have all the time in the world to think about it. I’m not getting any older,” I grinned.

Fred and Wesley both stifled a giggle at that. And then as if on cue, my phone rang and I excused myself into the lab, leaving them to talk.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, where are you?”

Oz. Should have known. “Wolfram and Hart. What’s the what?”

“Got some time to kill before a nice family dinner. Wanted to hang. Want me to come there?”

I smiled. Four years ago, what he had just said would be almost like a speech. “Well, this is where I’ll be, so yeah. I’m hanging with some new friends. A girl named Fred and then Wesley. Remember him? My old watcher?”

“I remember.”

“Well, when you get here, there is a woman at the desk in lobby. Tell here you need Winifred Burkle’s office. She’ll direct you to the elevator and…well, she can tell you! I’ll see you when you get here.”

“I’m pretty close. See you in a minute.”

I hung up and went back into Fred’s office. They were sitting on the edge of the desk talking quietly. I tried to quickly back out of the room to give them some privacy, but I ran into something solid. I whipped around and found myself staring into a pair of red orange eyes.

“Hey there, Buffylicious! Careful, you might give a demon a heart attack!” He was so melodramatic, it was cute. “I was actually looking for you. Angelcakes said you were here. He also mentioned you killed Harmful. Is that true?” The hope in his voice and eyes couldn’t be denied. I also dug the cute names he gave all of us.

“Yep, I killed her,” I said lightly. “She said something stupid that I don’t even remember know, but I was going to get all growly and possessive, and I thought, ‘Self, you should stake her. You‘ve always wanted to, and who’s going to have any qualms about it now.’ So I did. Felt good.”

Lorne smiled indulgently down at me. “Are you going to stake every demon that pisses you off?”

“Of course not! I just hated her! Always have. Even when she was human.”

“Then I’m sure I have nothing to worry about, right?” He winked at me. “Anyway, I came to see if you would sing for me.”

I looked at him hard. “Duh…what now?”

Wesley walked up and stood next to me. “He's, uh, anagogic.” I turned my confused eyes to him and he smiled. “Psychic. He's connected to the mystic. When you sing, you bare your soul. He sees into it. Kind of like seeing your path.”

I held up my hands. “Whoa, whoa. Buffy and singing are unmixy things. I mean, there was that one time, but that was because of a singing demon guy, and we all sang and told our secrets and then…all was bad!” I rambled until I saw a familiar shock of red hair in the doorway behind Lorne. “Oz!”

I launched myself into my friend’s arms. He was the perfect size to hug, an inch taller than me. I pulled back from the embrace to see Oz’s goofy grin. I turned back to my new friends. “Wesley, you remember Oz.” He nodded and they shook hands. Very manly. “And this is Fred and Lorne.” He shook hands with the others as well.

“What’s this I hear about you singing?” he grinned at me.

“I’m not gonna!” I admonished.

“I have my acoustic in the van. I’ll go grab it, and then you can sing ‘Stay.’”

As I tried to tell him no, Lorne clamped a hand over my mouth. “That sounds fabulous, Oz. Well, move this party down to Angel’s office, where there’s lots more room.” With that, he drug me down through the halls into the spacious office. Of course, I could have broken free of Lorne at any moment and we both knew it, but I didn’t. I was curious. What was my path anyway?

Angel and Gunn were in the office. They looked up in surprise when we, Wes, Fred, Lorne and I, came crashing into the room. “What are you doing in here? Gunn and I are talking about a client…” Angel whined.

“I’m going to read this petite crème before she scampers back across the pond,” Lorne explained.

“Can’t you do that in YOUR office.”

“Yours is bigger and closer to where we already were.” I really liked Lorne. It was nice to hear someone dismiss Angel in such a way. It was refreshing. I wasn’t seeing Angel with the rose colored glasses of my youth. Spike had taught me a lot about vampires, and I knew that Angel had lied to me. About a lot of things. But that was a conversation for another time. Now, I had to sing.

Oz came padding into the room with his guitar case. He set it on the conference table, and pulled out the instrument. “Really Buffy, you have the perfect forum here.” He tuned his guitar as I watched. “You get to spill out emotions you wrote down in a song. No one will judge you for it…except maybe Angel,” he finished.

“No shit,” I muttered under my breath. I turned to face the group. “Ok, I guess I should set this up for you so it makes sense. When I…reconnected with Oz, he came over to the flat a lot and Dawn and I sat down and filled him in on everything that had happened since he left Sunnydale. Everything…no denials. For the first time, I was completely honest about everything that had happened. Not just with Oz and Dawn, but with myself. About my death and resurrection. About past lovers. About Spike…about our relationship, but more importantly, about my feelings…and how far back they went. After all that personal revelationing and a few shots, we wrote this song. I had never intended to sing it in front of anyone but,” I turned to Oz. “You’re right, this is the perfect forum. Only one thing would make this more right, but…” I shrugged. “I’m probably not ready for that kind of honesty anyway.”

Oz began the first lone chords of the song and then I felt it. Spike was in the building and on his way here. Honesty, here we come. I looked at the expectant faces watching me and began.

You say I only hear what I want to
You say I talk so all the time… so.

I could feel him stronger as he left the elevator. He was crossing the lobby. As he opened the door to Angel’s office he caught my eye and stopped.

And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cuz I missed you.
Yeah… I missed you.

I smiled at him as I said it. He slowly walked around the outside of the assembled group until he stood in the front next to Lorne, never taking his eyes from mine.

And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no (bad)

I could hear Oz singing my backup, and I turned to glance at him. He gave me an encouraging nod so I faced Spike again.

And so I…I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up
and this woman was singin' my song:
the lover's in love and the other's run away,
the lover is cryin' 'cuz the other won't stay.

Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dieing since the day they were born.
Well…this is not that:
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.

You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take my anyhow, or anywhere with you.

You said that I was naive,
And I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh but now I know that I was wrong, 'cuz I missed you.

You said you caught me 'cuz you want me and one day you'll let me go.
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cuz you know you're just so scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."

You say I only hear what I want to.

Spike rushed to me as I finished and gathered me in his arms. “You don’t really think I want to be with you because I’m afraid to lose, do you kitten?”

“There was a time I did, not recently mind you, and I wrote the song for the wealth of emotions I was feeling at the time. I know that’s not what you feel, don’t worry,” I reassured him.

“But you missed me?” There was a desperate note of panic in his voice. William’s insecurities made plain in Spike’s face.

“Oh, god yes.” I snaked my arm around his neck and so my fingers could free his curls from the confines of his gel to play with them. I looked deeply into his eyes. “Hey,” I whispered, “cried a thousand tears for you, remember? I think it’s safe to say that I missed you, don’t you?” I smiled shyly at him.

He returned my smile. “I love you, pet.” His hands that had settled on my hips, gave me a tentative squeeze. His eyes spoke volumes of his feelings. I would have known what he was feeling in that moment had he said nothing at all.

I could only hope that my love for him shone as clearly in my eyes the way his did for me. “I love you, too.”

We immediately found ourselves enveloped in a pair of arms. “Aren’t they just the sweetest couple you have ever seen?” Lorne’s excited question shocked us from drowning in each other. I’m not sure about Spike, but I had completely forgotten there was anyone else in the room. Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and Oz were all watching us with happy smiles on their understanding faces. Lorne was chattering about how darling we were and how we looked made for each other.

Angel glared at us, simply seething. It made me wonder if he had ever really loved me at all. Surely if he had, he would be happy for me, because for the first time since I had been “chosen,” I was happy. Really happy. If he loved me, that should have been enough for him. But no, after all this time, the only way he would be happy was if I was alone. I couldn’t ever be with him, not that I would want to anyway, but let’s not forget what he said the last time we were together. He had called us a freak show. I remember how stunned I had been to hear that from him. But it looked like even if that’s what he thought, he still couldn’t let go.
I snapped out of my thoughts when I realized Spike was talking to me.

“…so I’m just going to run to the apartment and grab a few things.” He finished.

“Huh?” At the wounded look on his face, I elaborated. “I was lost in thought. Don’t go all Vampy Broods-a-lot on me. We already have one of those,” I snarked.

He smiled down at me. “I said I’ll run to my apartment and grab a few things if you want me to stay in the hotel with you. My flat is all…spartan. I don’t think you’ll want to stay there. I mean, the bloody bed is a single for one thing.”

I giggled at the thought of us trying to sleep in a tiny single bed. Uncomfortable much? “Of course that’s fine. I can’t imagine trying to sleep alone after last night/this morning.”

He grinned. “I’ll go take my stuff to the hotel then. Want me to meet you back here when I’m through?”
“That’s as good a plan as any,” I nodded.
He kissed me chastely on the cheek and turned to leave the office. It was then Lorne put his hand gently on Spike’s arm.

“Are you sure you still won’t sing for me, Spike darling?” Lorne smiled cheerily up at him.

“I’m never going to soddin’ sing for you.” With that, he exited the office. Lorne watched him walk all the way to the elevator and then turned back to me.

“First, he was humming ‘I Want to be Sedated’ all the way to the elevator, and second, his path is so intertwined with yours, when you sang, it was like reading two people at once.”

Sappy love tears filled my eyes. “Thank you, Lorne,” I whispered. Spike and I had been through enough angst and I was tired of it. We had been through so much, most of it from me and aimed in Spike’s direction. It meant so much to me that not only had we fallen into such a comfortable ease with each other, but also we were meant to do so.

Fred walked over and nudged me with her elbow. “I thought you didn’t come here to be with Spike,” she giggled.

I blushed. She was right. I had said that. “I didn’t come here to start a relationship, but I never said I would back away if one were offered. And anyway, you heard Lorne. Spike is part of my path.”

“I thought you weren’t done baking yet,” Angel snorted derisively from the chair behind his desk. I walked over and sat in the chair across from him.

“When I found out I was immortal, the only thing I could think of was how I wished Spike was there to laugh at the triteness of it all with me. I mean, it’s so cliché. And then I remembered if he was alive, I could spend the rest of eternity with him. That’s when I knew I was done baking. But by then, I didn’t think it mattered anymore.” As I watched Angel wince at my words, I was reminded of something Spike had said to us a long time ago. I smiled sadly at him. “You know…it’s funny. Remember, like, four years ago when Spike came roaring back into town and kidnapped Willow and Xander? We ‘helped’ him get supplies from the Magic shop. Do you remember what he said to us?” I asked him.

I could see in his eyes he remembered the conversation I was about to recall and he didn’t want to admit it. “He said that you and I would never be friends. And it’s true. My being here right now only proves that you don’t want to be civil with me because I am in love with someone else and you won’t be nice to Spike because, well, you never have been, so why start now? But he and I are warriors. We could be your allies if you let us. If you could look past the fifteen-year-old girl whose ‘heart,’” I air quoted, “you fell in love with while she was licking a lollipop, you’d remember eight years have passed and I am no longer a child. I know what’s right for me and it’s Spike. I’m still willing to help you fight evil, if that is indeed what you still do here, but it’s for you to decide if you want the aid.” With that, I walked out.

Fred, Wesley, Lorne and Oz, complete with guitar case, followed me out the door, leaving Gunn to “discuss clients” with Angel. Lorne’s cell phone rang and he tottled off with a backward wave, chatting with whoever had called. Oz turned to me.

“ I have a family dinner to suffer through. You and Spike wanna do something when I’m done?” he asked mildly.

“Sounds like a plan.” I watched as he walked to the elevator. As he stepped in, he turned and waved.
I regarded the remaining people in front of me, and I decided to ask them the question that had been nagging me since the car ride last night. “So…where is Cordelia? You mentioned her, but I haven’t seen her, and…”

Fred and Wesley exchanged glances. It was Wes who turned to me and was forced to answer. “Cordelia….well, she’s in a coma.”

I could feel my eyes darken and my brow furrowed. Something didn’t feel right about that statement, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. “Take me to her.”

Tell me did you see her face?
Tell me did you smell her taste?
Tell me what's the difference
don't they all just look the same inside?

‘Buddha for Mary’
30 Seconds to Mars

As we entered the hospital room, I could tell something was off. I closed my eyes and stretched out my Slayer senses. I had really tuned into them once we left the Hellmouth. It had taken a lot of meditation. I felt something similar and familiar in the motionless form on the hospital bed. My eyes flew open and my mouth formed an “o” of surprise. I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket as I moved to Cordy’s bedside. I dialed a number I knew by heart. A grating voice answered.

“Kennedy, put Willow on now.” I let my tone tell her that I was in no mood for her usual bitchy banter. I waited a few moments and was rewarded for my patience with the soft tones of my friend’s voice.

“Buffy? Is something wrong?” she asked quietly.

“Wills, you’ve gotten the teleportation thing down now, right?” I asked quickly. I glanced at Fred and Wesley, who were barely inside the door. They were staring at me with complete confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t even get the nosebleeds anymore,” Willow answered me excitedly.

I was relieved. That made our task much easier. “Great. I have a favor to ask of you. I need you to teleport to Cleveland and get the scythe from Faith and then I need you to use me as a focus and get to this hospital.” I looked at Wes when I spoke my next line. “I have a Slayer here we need to heal.” Wesley’s eyes got as big as saucers and he turned them to regard the girl in the bed.

“I understand,” Willow said resolvedly. “I’ll be there in a few minutes with an appropriate healing spell.” She hung up and I turned to my new friends, smiling timidly.

“I guess when we did that spell to give all the girls their power, she was already in a coma. But it’s going to be okay. Willow and I can draw on the Slayer essence housed in the scythe to heal her. We did it to heal everyone after the battle at the Hellmouth. When she’s ready, I guess you and I can begin to train her.” My finishing remark was for Wesley. I wanted him to feel like he was part of my team, the way I had never allowed him to be back in Sunnydale.

Fred sat down in the chair by Cordelia’s bedside. She grasped her hand with both of hers. She looked so worried about her friend. I barely heard her when she whispered, “Angel.”

“What about him,” I asked.

“Shouldn’t we let him know? I mean, they were really obviously falling in love before all this happened and I know he’s want to know if something could be done for her. Or should we wait to see if it works first?” Fred asked.

She looked at me sheepishly and it took me a moment to realize that I should, or could rather, be angry with Angel. He was upset that I loved someone else when he had very obviously moved on. With Cordelia of all people. Hypocrite. But I wasn’t mad. I just hoped they could find some happiness. But not TOO much happiness. I didn’t want to have to stake Angel/Angelus, but I would if that time came.

There was a loud POP next to me. I knew immediately that Willow, my dear and first friend from Sunnydale, had arrived. She held the scythe and a bag full of blue candles away from her body and I pulled her into a tight hug. I hadn’t seen her since she left for Brazil. She pulled away from the embrace and looked me up and down.

“Wow, Buffy, you…uh…look nice,” Willow stammered.

I laughed. I mean, come on. I knew I wasn’t exactly the sun kissed California girl I was when I had left for London. I was all right with that. No denial here. “Yeah, I’m lookin’ pretty haggard. I know it. It’s ok to say it. I looked even worse last week.” I remembered the task at hand. “You ready to do this?”

“Sure,” she chirped and turned to the bed, noticing the occupant for the first time. “Cordelia?” She whipped around to face me. “Cordelia is a Slayer?”

“Explains a lot, doesn’t it?” I grinned.

She turned to look at the woman in the bed. She looked contemplative. “You know, it really does.” She moved to the side of the bed while I moved across her to the other. She laid the scythe across Cordy’s lap and we each placed one of her hands on it. Willow handed each of us a blue candle and bade Fred and Wesley stand at the end of the bed. I pulled out my Zippo and lit my candle. Then I passed it to Wesley to do the same. When all the flames were lit, Willow and I both touched Cordelia’s temples, one on each side. We all closed our eyes as Willow and I began to chant.

“Magick mend and candle burn
Sickness end, good health return
Elements of power
Heal her now in this desperate hour
So mote it be.”

We repeated it three times and the opened our eyes. At first, I thought it hadn’t worked and maybe I had been wrong about Cordy being a Slayer. Maybe she was just a regular stubborn girl in a coma, not a supernatural girl in a coma. Maybe my senses weren’t as great and honed as I thought. Just when I was about to give up and tell them I must have been mistaken, I heard a moan from the bed. My eyes met surprised filled brown ones.

“Buffy?” her eyes flew to meet the redhead’s across from me. “Willow? Am I in Sunnydale?”

I blew out my candle and grabbed her hand. I glanced at Fred. “Call Angel,” I whispered. I turned back to the confused brunette in the hospital bed as she sat up. “Cordy, you’re in a hospital in L.A. You’ve been in a coma for a few months. I was here…uh...visiting and I came to see you after they told me you were here. When I felt you with my Slayer senses, they told me you weren’t just Cordy, but also a potential soon to be in training Slayer. Like me. Like Faith.”

She sat up a little straighter. “I’m a Slayer now too? I mean, first I’m a regular human, then I have visions, then I’m part demon, then I’m a higher being, then I come back with a higher power hijacking my mind and body so that it can give birth to itself and now I’m a Slayer?”

I admittedly didn’t understand most of what she said. “Well, the human part of you is. There isn’t just one…well two...anymore. Willow did a spell and now all the girls who might have been Slayers had Faith or I died, are. It’s up to you what to do. You can go back to your normal life and just have abnormal strength. You can go to London where Giles and I have set up the new Watchers Council and you can be trained there with the rest of the SITs…Slayers in training. There are dozens. Or, while I’m in town, I can train you, and provided Wesley accepts my offer to be reinstated as a Watcher, he could act as yours and you can stay here. It’s up to you.”

“Actually, Buffy, I wanted to tell you, I will be taking you up on your offer,” Wesley interjected. I smiled at him. It was nice that the Council, me really, would have an ally in Wolfram and Hart.

“I’ll take care of it then,” I assured him.

I looked back at Cordelia. She was staring at me thoughtfully. At that moment, Angel came bursting into the room, showing more emotion than I had ever seen from him. “Cordelia!” He ran to her and enveloped her in his arms. He held onto her and didn’t let her go. Willow and I watched them with mild interest.

“Do you remember everything?” Angel asked quietly as he pulled away from her.

“Last year?” Cordy asked as she swung her feet to the floor. “Yeah, I remember everything. Pretty much, at least, until I slipped into slumberland. Maternal instincts aside, I hope you kicked its ass for me.”
Angel looked startled and looked quickly at Wesley and Fred. I followed his gaze. They had made no reaction to show that they had even heard what Cordy had said. I looked at Willow, who seemed just as confused as I. I couldn’t wait to get a hold of Wesley’s journals. Perhaps then everything would make sense.
Angel looked longingly at the door. “Yeah…so…wanna get out of here?”

“Oh, I love that plan. I hope you brought me some clothes because…” she looked down at her hospital gown and shook her head, “damn.”

Angel looked panicked. “Oh…well…uh…we…”

Wesley jumped in to rescue him. “We could stop and buy some.”

Cordy jumped up and down, clapping and squealing. “Oh, great! Shopping!” She moved to the door with Angel, Wesley, and Fred in tow. “I love that idea, ‘cause, you know, I’m so not ready to go back to the hotel yet.” She walked out the door.

Willow and I lagged behind. As I hoisted the scythe onto my shoulder, she turned to me. “Something doesn’t feel right here. Did you notice how avoidy Angel got about Cordy remembering stuff? What was that all about, you think?” I shrugged and held a finger to my lips. We walked out of the hospital a very good distance behind the others. We waved to them and started the three-block walk to Wolfram and Hart.

When I was sure we were out of vampire hearing range I turned to talk to Willow. “I know something is going on here. Wes is going to give me his diaries. He has still been keeping them after all these years. Once a Watcher, always, right? Maybe it will give us a clue as to what’s been going down here. At least Cordy’s pretty much the same as she was in high school, what with the digging Angel and wanting to go shopping.”

“Good call about Queen C. I’ll just call you the austere of air headedness,” she giggled.

“And you are a visionary of vapidity. We’re just kooky kids who don’t know when to arrest alliterating.” We collapsed against each other in peals of laughter. It was nice to have someone to be silly with. I hadn’t had that opportunity in a long time.

“Buffy! Willow!” Fred’s voice cut through our giggles and we turned to see her running up the darkened sidewalk to us. “I didn’t really want to go shopping and watch Wes and Angel faun over Cordelia.” And so Sarcastithon 3000 continued until we reached the firm. We took the elevator to the floor with Angel’s office. I think it was 30th floor. I kept forgetting.

We walked up the stairs in the lobby and sat down on the little balcony, swinging our feet over the edge. We watched the demons and the lawyers moving about the lobby. I got introspective.

“Hey Wills, do you ever wonder how different our lives would be if we hadn’t listened all the propaganda the Council and Angel fed us and took it for truth? About demons and human-like emotions?” I asked her.

Fred turned to look at me. “What Angel told you? What do you mean?”

I didn’t look at her when I began to talk. “When Willow and I were in high school, both the Watcher’s Council and Angel confirmed that demons have no positive emotions, no feelings like love, happiness, caring for others,” I explained.

Willow went on for me. “We had been led to believe all demons were evil monsters. Humans good, Demons bad. But that isn’t true and we should have seen it. Take Spike for example. His love for Drusilla kept them together for one hundred years. I mean, Buffy used the threat of killing her to stop Spike a bunch of times.”

“It wasn’t just Spike though. Look at Clem. He was one of the sweetest guys I ever met and he was a demon. And Anya. She was a demon when she died to save Andrew.” Another time caught my attention. “Remember when we lived our worst nightmares, Willow? My worst fear at the time was to be turned by a vampire, so a vampire I became. And I felt the bloodlust, but I didn’t kill everyone, anyone. I still had my emotions and my feelings. I still new the difference between right and wrong. Maybe it’s not the same since I wasn’t a real vampire, but I felt like I was one, if that makes sense,” I trailed off. I knew what I meant, even if I didn’t explain it well.

Fred was kind enough to change the subject. “I haven’t had a girl around to talk to in a long time, let alone two. Can I ask you guys some strange girly questions?” she inquired.

“Of course!” Willow exclaimed. “I miss girly talk like Buffy and I used to do.”

“What do you think of Wesley?”

“Well, gee,” I smiled. “I guess some girls might find him attractive…if they have eyes! He’s a major honey, not the tweed wearing prat he was when he was in Sunnydale.”

“Definitely droolworthy,” Willow added.

Fred blushed and changed the subject again. “Buffy, what are some of your favorite memories of Spike, funny or otherwise?” she asked.

Interesting question. I thought for a moment. “Oh, remember the Thanksgiving when we were attacked by the Indian spirits?” I saw Willow about to politically correct me, so I went on without an answer. “And Hus turned into a bear when I stabbed him? Spike was tied to a chair and was hopping around all ‘You made a bear! Undo it! Undo it!’” I tried my hand at Spike’s accent and chuckled at my memory. That was a funny and strange day. “But I think my favorite memory of Spike was this afternoon. I told him I love him before I got in the shower and he repeated it every possible way he could…no wait, that isn’t my favorite. My favorite is when I got out of the shower and came back into the room and he was curled up on the bed sleeping. Have you ever been around Spike when he’s sleeping? He purrs.”

The two girls “Awwwwwd” and then we were interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Buffy!” Shit! Oz. And here was Willow sitting right next to me. He came running up the stairs. I heard Willow’s sharp intake of breath as she saw him. He was carrying a white plastic grocery bag. “I was wondering if you would help me…dye…my…” He trailed of as he reached the top of the stairs and caught sight of his former girlfriend. I hadn’t told her I hung out with Oz. I just didn’t know what to say about it. I knew Oz was still in love with Willow. I had told him to meet me back here and now she was here too and…damn. I think I might be a bad friend.

“Oz,” Willow whispered. “Buffy?”

Oz shifted uncomfortably. “I’ll just wait down there.” He walked slowly down the stairs and sat on the bottom step.

I turned back to Willow. “I ran into him in London. We found some common ground. We both lost the love of our lives.” I looked at her pointedly and continued. “He’s in L.A. for a family reunion and we were going to hang out. Don’t you think you should go talk to him?” I asked her.

“Uh, yeah…” Willow got up and walked down the stairs. She sat down next to her former lover. I watched as they tentatively began to talk.

“God, don’t break his heart, Willow, not again,” I whispered.

Fred turned to face me. “I thought Willow was…gay.”

I smiled at her embarrassment. “I have a theory about Willow’s detour down lesbian lane. See, Tara, her first girlfriend, was special. She was cleansing and soothing, like hot chocolate for the soul. She was a really amazing girl. She saw the good in people when I wasn’t even sure there was any. I think the fact that she was a woman was unimportant. Willow fell in love with her and that was that. It would have been easy for anyone, I think. She really was amazing.”

“Who was?” Spike surprised me when he sat down nest to me. I hadn’t even felt him there, I had been so distracted. He started swinging his feet out over the balcony, kicking like an antsy child.

“Tara.”

“Glinda.” He got a faraway look in his eyes and smiled. “Yeah, she was a bit of alright. First of the Scoobies to really make me feel like I was wanted. Other than Nibblet, of course. It was such a shame she died,” he finished quietly.

I smiled at him. “She really was the best of us all.” I turned back to Fred. “When Tara died, Willow emotionally shut down. Kennedy was the first to approach her romantically after…you know. Between the three of us, I think that’s the only reason they’re together. Oz on the other hand…he hasn’t even dated anyone really since he left Sunnydale. I mean, there was the occasional setup, but he always brought some of us with him. You know, so it could be Big Fun Group Town. He never even let anyone close enough to get to Dateville, let alone romantic Twosome Burg. He’s never gotten over Willow.”

Fred stood and excused herself when a strange man named Knox said she was needed in the lab.

Something about the guy was giving me the wiggins. I looked at Spike to see if he too had a reaction to the creepy geek. He lit a cigarette and looked at me. “What?” he asked. Guess he hadn’t noticed it. It was probably just me being paranoid. But hey, to quote Harry Dresden, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean there isn’t an invisible demon about to eat your face. He handed me the smoke and then lit another one for himself, much as I had before he had had lighter worthy motor skills this morning. “Care to go for a walk, luv?” He stood and held a hand out to me.

I stood but didn’t relinquish my hold on his hand. We walked together down the stairs, sidestepping around Willow and Oz at the bottom. I fished my room key from my back pocket and handed it to the seated couple. I winked at Oz. “Just in case you want some privacy to talk. There’s a nice living room area, you can order up some room service on the Council’s dime, get some time alone away from all the lawyers and whatnot.”

Oz smiled gratefully. “Thanks Buffy. Hey…will you dye my hair for me later? That’s what I came to ask.”

This had become a bimonthly tradition. “Of course. What color are we going for this time?”

He grinned at me. “Blue, and then we can bleach the tips white, kinda like Spike’s.”

“God, you really have it in for your parents, don’t you. You dig the shock factor, eh?” I jibed.

“Do I?” He smiled. I handed them the scythe and asked them to take it back to the room with them then we took our leave of them.

Spike and I started wandering off down the halls. The place was like a maze. We walked in companionable silence, his thumb casually rubbing across my knuckles. I almost didn’t hear him; I was so consumed by the irony of walking around a law firm with Spike, holding hands. “Are we moving too fast, pet?” He asked me.

I took a long drag of my smoke and tossed the butt to the floor, crushing it under my heel as we walked past it. “No. I’m not sure how you feel, but for me, I feel like I’ve wasted so much time. There were so many chances to tell you how I felt, and I was so stupid not to do it, not to just tell you, my friend’s opinions be damned. I don’t want to waste anymore time on this earth by waiting around…” I was exasperated. I didn’t know how to explain exactly what I meant. “I just want to spend the rest of my life, whether I die now or never, with you. I love you, Spike.”

He pulled me to a stop and stepped in front of me. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he said, “Do you really mean that, kitten?” I nodded so he continued. “It’s all I ever wanted.” He leaned down and kisses me softly on the lips. “I love you, Slayer.”

I smiled at him. “Thanks, Fang Face.”

He laced his fingers back through mine and we continued our exploration of the building. He showed me the ancient prophecies wing, the science division, the dungeons, the records room, and all the other rooms he found when he was all ghostly. He had never let go of my hand. It was perfect. We were on our way back to the lobby when we rounded a corner and I saw a very familiar person.

“Cordy!” I waved at her. She was at the other end of the hall.

“Buffy, and…Spike?” She smiled at him and started towards us.

“Well, well. I heard you weren’t evil anymore, which kind of makes the hair silly.” She smirked at him.

He dropped my hand and shifted to game face. He lengthened his stride as she started backing away.
“Uh…or nice?” He reached out and grabbed her, backing into the wall.

She screamed as he bit into her neck.

“Spike!” I yelled. He pulled away and looked confusedly at her when a black blur sped past me.

Angel tackled Spike and they both crashed to the ground. The brunette was back on his feet immediately, snarling at my lover. As soon as Spike was on his feet, Angel punched him. I ran to Cordy and pulled her hand away from the wound on her neck. Two tiny pinpricks that were already done bleeding.

Spike kicked Angel in the chest and put him in the in a headlock. “You took me on and lost, remember, old man?” Well, that was news. Sounded like a story I should ask Spike about a little later.

Angel broke his grip, and threw Spike to the ground. “Touch Cordelia again…get ready for our very last rematch.”

Spike got to his feet. “She’s evil, you gourmless tit.”

Cordelia, still holding her neck, exclaimed indignantly, “Excuse me? Who bit whom?”

“Did you just call me a tit?”

Shaking my head, I leaned against the wall and lit another cigarette. If they were all going to argue, I was going to relax. I wasn’t sure why Spike had bitten Cordelia, but I trusted him and I knew he would have a reason. He was a good man. People were no longer Happy Meals with legs.

Cordy was talking. “I thought he had a soul!”

Spike pointed at Cordelia and addressed Angel. “I thought she didn’t.”

“I do,” Cordelia exclaimed.

“So do I.”

She sneered. “Well, clearly mine’s better.”

I pulled the stake from the waistband of my pants. As I twirled it between my fingers, I wondered if I would need it. Of course, if Angel attacked Spike, I was sure Spike would win, but if it came down to it, I would have no real problem staking Angel. I smiled to myself. It was rather liberating.

Spike took a step toward Cordelia. “Look…” he began when Angel grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and threw him against the wall across from me.
“If I see fangs, I’m gonna play dentist,” he growled.

“Not before bury this stake in your chest, Peaches,” I muttered. Seeing his spine straighten, I knew he had heard me.

Cordelia continued on, and I was sure she had no idea of the small exchange that had taken place. “And you called this guy the big hero?”

Spikes looked at Cordelia and then back to Angel in awe. “You called me a hero?” He cocked his head to the side.

“I didn’t know you were eating people again,” Angel sneered.

I caught sight of a woman watching us at the end of the hall. She was excitedly talking on her cell phone. I tipped my head so I could see her around Cordy. It didn’t look like she knew I was watching her.

Spike head butted Angel, sending them reeling to opposite sides of the hall, both holding their foreheads in pain. “Ow!” Spike cried out. “God, it was just a taste test, you git.” Cordelia stared at him, mouth agape. “I needed to know if what my source said is true.” He looked over at Cordelia. “And…actually…well, you don’t taste evil. Demons are more…astringent with a sort of oakie, really…”

Angel interrupted him. “What source?”

“I got a guy,” Spike shrugged. “Has an in with the Powers that whatsit. Gets these visions.”

Cordelia and Angel looked at each other. “Visions?” Angel questioned.

“Yeah. When I was clearing out the flat and taking all my stuff to the Slayer’s hotel room, the guy came in and said Cordelia was taken over by some big bad. Came to destroy you all.”

Cordy rolled her eyes. “His vision is a rerun.”

“The thing that possessed Cordy’s long dead, Spike,” Angel sighed.

Spike shrugged. “Well, it looks like tattoo boy was wrong this time.”

Cordelia froze and raised her eyebrows. “Wait,
tattoos? What kind of tattoos?”

“I don’t know. Symbols. Tribal-like.”

Angel regarded Spike carefully. “This guy with the visions, did he have a name?” he asked.

“Called himself Doyle.”

Seeing the looks on Angel and Cordelia’s faces flooded my memory with pictures. Doyle, the Irish guy that got visions of people in trouble. I should have remembered. I had only met him for a moment before he and Cordelia had left. Angel had told me a few days later he had died. The pain was evident in the eyes of the two brunettes.

Movement down the hall caught my eye again. The woman had ducked back around the corner. “Angel,” I said quietly. “There was a woman, light brown hair, waifish, watching all this with a great deal of interest. She just went around that corner.” As he and Cordy strode off to investigate, Spike stood before me.

“Did you really mean that, pet?”

I knew what he was talking about. Vampire hearing and all that. He had heard what I said to Angel. “Yeah, I really did.”

I grabbed his hand and began walking off in the direction Angel and Cordy had left in. As I glanced over at Spike, I saw a smile of contentment on his face. I think in his heart, he really thought Angel was more important. That he had a free pass some how and I would always go back to him. Perhaps in the past, but not anymore. Spike was mine, and I was going to protect him from whomever or whatever, as I knew he would do the same for me.

We came upon Angel, Cordy, and the girl, who was hanging up her cell phone.

Angel smiled knowingly at her. “Can we have a word with you, Eve?”

I watched with amusement as Cordy manhandled the woman into Angel’s office. “Spike,” Angel said as he picked up the phone to call the rest of his gang, “watch Eve. If she moves, eat her.”

Spike smirked down at Eve where she was sitting in a chair. He stood in front of her and shifted to game face.

Cordelia and I stood looking out the windows. “I’ve made my decision about the training stuff,” she said quietly to me.

“Oh yeah? And what did you decide?” I asked her.
“I want to go to London, but not right away. Will you train me for a week or two first? I just don’t want to feel helpless. When Spike attacked me, all I could think of was that if I was trained like you, I could have stopped him from biting me. I mean, even though I know now he was just…taste testing me.”

I smiled ironically at her. “Don’t count on it. Spike is by far the most accomplished fighter I have ever come across. Except for fighting a hellgod, fighting Spike is the closest I have ever come to being beaten by another warrior. He had the upper hand once and the only thing that saved me was my mom hitting him over the head with an axe. That’s why Spike is, or was my sparring partner. I never had to hold back and worry about hurting him. I knew it would be a challenge.”

“I’ll still spar with you, Slayer.” He leered at me suggestively, his gold eyes flashing. Even in game face, he was stunning.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Ha Ha, Big Bad. Actually, you can help me train Cordelia.” I turned back to her. “He’s killed two Slayers in his day. Who better to teach you than me, the longest living Slayer in history, and a vampire heralded as the ‘Slayer of Slayers?’”

Spike looked Cordy over appraisingly. “Yeah, I fancy we could teach the Cheerleader to do a bit of violence.”
We were interrupted by the arrival of the rest of the gang. We all took places around Eve’s chair to interrogate her.

Angel began. “We’ve got a problem, Eve.”

“Damn right you do,” Eve snapped. “When I tell the senior partners you assaulted me…”

Angel started to speak again, cutting her off. “A couple weeks ago, a man approached Spike. Told him that the Powers that Be have some missions for him. Spike, brain trust that he is, went along with it.”

Spike looked up from his spot by the window. “Hey!” he exclaimed, insulted.

Angel stopped his pacing to stand in front of Eve. “He’s the one that told Spike to save me from the parasite. The parasite you put on me in the first place.”

Eve started to stand. “Not this again.”

Cordelia stepped up in front of her. “Get out of that chair and I will feed you those Manolo Blahniks.” She looked down at Eve’s shoes and smirked. “Which are stunning, by the way.”

“Seems to me like you and this guy are working together,” Angel mused.

Eve sat back down on her chair in a huff. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. But you can’t keep me here. I have to leave.” Her nervousness was apparent as her eyes darted to the door.

Angel continued as if she had not spoken at all. “But the thing that really, really pisses me off is that this guy seems to be going by the name of Doyle.” His face had slipped into a frozen mask of anger.

Eve shrugged carelessly. “Doesn’t ring a bell,” she quipped.

Cordelia walked up to her, her voice rising with each word as she jabbed her finger in Eve’s face. “It does to me. It rings a big frickin’ gong and I want to know who had the nerve to be using that name.”

Angel gently moved Cordy aside and addressed Eve again. “I’m gonna give you one chance to tell me where he is.”

“Look, “ she sneered, “I don’t know what…”

Her words were cut off by the door of office opening. A small blonde woman stuck her head in. “Excuse me, sir?”

Angel turned to look at the rude interruption. “Who are you?” he asked derisively.

The girl had the decency to look embarrassed. “Um…I’m Melody, your new secretary.”

I started to snicker. Angel looked at me questioningly. “I killed your last secretary, Harmony. Now you have a new one, Melody. If I kill her, will you get one named Rhythm?”

Spike chuckled and came to wrap his arms around my waist. He slipped into game face and ran his fangs lightly over the bite mark on my neck. “You killed Harmony? That’s my little sociopath.” He set his chin on my shoulder and stayed there.

During this exchange I kept my eyes on Eve. I was aware of how frightening the two of us must look right then. She was looking at me with unabashed fear in her eyes. This was something that I was going to play up.

“What do you want, Melody?” Angel sneered.

“Well...uh…I was wondering if I got the afternoon off too, because everyone’s gone. The building cleared out a few minutes ago.”

Angel turned from the secretary to stare at our hostage. “What’s going on, Eve?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
…
Gunn came striding back into the office. “I checked the server. A message went out. Code seven, just before the building cleared out.”

“What’s a code seven, Eve?” Angel asked menacingly.

“I don’t know,” Eve floundered. Under Cordelia’s glare, she added, “Seriously.”

Cordy rolled her eyes. “Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Angel, torture her.”

Angel turned confused eyes to the former cheerleader. “What?”

“What?” Eve’s voice echoed his question in a voice laced with panic.

“You heard me. Building clearing out means we don’t have a lot of time. Have at it,” Cordy rationalized.

“I just can’t…torture her...” Angel stammered.

“I can,” I stated. All eyes turned to me and I felt Spike chuckle against my neck. “Granted, I haven’t fought a human in a long time. I mean, I am the strongest person in this room. I bet if I pull my punches a little, I can break all her ribs. I could break her nose, but if I hit her too hard, I could send bone shards into her brain and then she wouldn’t b able to tell us anything.” I cracked my knuckles and hoped between killing Harmony and what I had just said, it would be enough that I wouldn’t have to hit her at all. Well, at least not too much. I stepped forward from the safety of Spike’s embrace and walked up in front of Eve.

I cocked back my fist and as I was wondering just how hard I should hit her, she cracked. Damn.

“Ok…I’ll tell you. It’s a failsafe.” I stepped back and looked to Angel as Eve continued her explanation. “Look, the senior partners were never they could keep you under their thumb, so they created a failsafe. It’s housed in the sublevels of the building.”

“What kind of failsafe?” Fred asked.

Eve shook her head. “I don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s huge and alive…and specifically designed to destroy you,” she replied.

Angel glared at her. “How can I stop it?”

“The only way to shut it down’s in the chamber itself.”

Fred turned her confused eyes on Eve again, “Well, if that’s true, then who activated in the first place?”

Gunn nodded. “You were with us when the building cleared out.”

“Had to be someone else. Someone with the ability to slip past Wolfram and Hart’s security systems,” Wesley mused.

Lorne agreed. “Like our magically tattooed faux Doyle.”

Angel turned to where my lover stood. “Spike, I don’t wanna go in blind. Anything else you know about this guy?”

Spike shrugged. “Not much. Average size. Dresses like an urban cowboy. Got his hand chopped off once.”

Cordelia’s eyes got huge. “His hand?”

“He’s back,” Wesley stated flatly.

Angel looked contemplative. “Lindsey,” he said softly.

“Who?” I asked.

Angel ignored me and turned to Gunn, “Lock the building down, make sure he can’t get out. Don’t trust security systems. He won’t show up because of those tattoos of his.”

“There may be a way to fix that. I’ll need some help,” Wesley solemnly intoned.

“My dance card’s free,” Lorne offered.

“Take Eve, tie her to a chair or something,” Angel ordered.

Wes and Lorne nodded. They each grabbed one of her arms and drug her out of the room.

Fred turned to Angel. “Who is Lindsey?” It was nice to know that Spike and I weren’t the only ones who had no clue who this guy was or what was going on.

Cordelia answered. “A lawyer. Wolfram and Harts former golden boy, till he ran off to go find himself.”

“Yeah, he should have stayed lost,” Angel quipped.

I walked over to Fred and motioned to the elastic band holding up her hair.

“You wouldn’t happen to have another one of those, would you,” I asked.

She nodded and reached into her pocket.

Lorne came back into the office and gestured to the abundance of weapons littering the wall behind Angel’s desk. “Need a dagger, Angelwings. Apparently my blood is an ingredient in this spell.”

Fred gave me a hair elastic and I pulled my hair into a high ponytail. If we were going to fight a failsafe, I wanted to be able to see it. There was no way I was going to let Angel go alone. Not because I was concerned for his health, mind you. I was afraid what ever it was he was going to fight; he wouldn’t be able to beat it.

Angel then noted the fresh bite marks on my neck and came over to investigate. “You let him bite you?” he asked me quietly.

I looked at him and saw concern in his eyes. “He’s my lover, Angel. I love the demon and the man. He’s both and I embrace that.” I smiled at his obvious contempt for what I was saying. “And not to mention, he had his hands cut off last night and now they work fine. My blood had magical vampy healing powers, as you well remember.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

He turned to Spike. “You haven’t claimed her?”

Spike glared at him. “No, I bloody well haven’t. She hasn’t even been here twenty-four hours. We haven’t discussed it yet.”

“Claimed?” I was confused. “What does that mean exactly?”

Angel turned to me, face etched in scorn. “You are the Slayer, chosen to fight vampires. Don’t you know anything about us at all?” He shook his head sadly and I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. Pompous ass. “Claiming is the vampire equivalent to marriage, usually initiated during sex.”

“Well, excuse me for assuming that I should study vampire mating rituals in order to kill you more effectively,” I glared at him. “Of course, it would make the most sense if I bond myself to Spike. We were engaged at one point after all.”

Spike grinned at me. “Good times.”

I grabbed Lorne and began waltzing around the room singing. He joined me after the fist word.

“Memories
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water colored memories
Of the way we were.”

We stopped dancing by the wall behind Angel’s desk. I pulled two swords down from the wall, and threw one to Cordy.

“Buffy, Cordy. No,” Angel started.

“Yeah, save it, Angel. You can order me around all you want, but I know my rights. And I wanna see a lawyer.” Damn, she was good. I liked this new Cordelia.

Angel nodded slowly and then turned back to Fred. “Be ready to evacuate if this thing gets past us. Get the hell out of the building.”

We ran through the hallways, Angel and I in the lead, Spike and Cordy bringing up the rear. After running down a steep concrete staircase, we came to a room with green laser beam things crisscrossing the floor.

Spike spoke, seemingly taking the words from my brain. “What the bloody hell is this?”

Angel looked at us and said calmly, “Lets find out.” He walked forward into the laser net, triggering a blaring alarm. Red lights started blinking from the ceiling as men walked out form alcoves I hadn’t noticed before.

Angel knew what they were instantly. “Zombies. Oh, swell.” We stood sizing up the six creatures in front of us. Angel sighed, “We don’t have the time for this.”

Spike leapt at the closest zombie and knocked it to the ground with a roundhouse kick. “Go on, I’ll hold them back.” As we ran for the door leading farther into the basement, I heard Spike taunt his assailants. “Come on, lads. No need to be shy. We’re all dead men here.”

What the hell was I doing? I wasn’t going to leave him there alone. I pushed Angel and Cordy through the door. “Go on,” I shouted. “I’m going to help Spike. We’ll be your second front.” I slammed the door and ran back to my vampire.

Swinging my sword, I decapitated one of the zombies. “Hello, my love. Is this a private game, or can anybody play?” I watched proudly as Spike ripped the head off a zombie with his bare hands, throwing the body to knock down another of the shambling fighters.

“Not gonna help Captain Forehead then, pet?” he asked as he punched another zombie away.

As I swung my sword with deadly accuracy toward the neck of another assailant, I replied, “Nope. What happens if whatever this failsafe thing is gets past Angel? We’re the second front. The last chance to stop it before it gets loose, or whatever.” I kicked another zombie to the ground before claiming its head. “And besides, I didn’t want to leave you.”

Spike tore the head from another zombie and together we converged on the final opponent. I handed Spike my sword and watched as he expertly twirled the large weapon. I kicked the zombie and Spike severed its head with ease. I grabbed his hand and led him to the stairs. We sat down next to each other. He put his arm around me and I snuggled into his comforting form.

“So…” I began slowly, “what is claiming really? And I don’t want the half assed Angel answer.”

He ran his hand lightly up and down the skin of my arm. “Claiming is a big deal, luv. Say we were to do it. I would bite you and say something like ‘mine’ and you would accept it by saying ‘yours’ and ‘forever.’ Then you would bite me and we go through the same whole deal. It binds people…well vampires for eternity. I’ve seen it done a few times with humans, but never with a Slayer, much less an immortal one. Sometimes the pair becomes telepathic, sometimes they can feel the others physical pain, most the time they can feel the others emotions. I’ve even seen pairs where one dies and the other didn’t survive it. It’s different with everyone.”

“So you and Drusilla never…” I trailed off.

He shook his head. “She was always waiting for her ‘Daddy’ to come back. I was just a pastime and a glorified caretaker, not mate material,” he replied bitterly.

I turned in his embrace to face him. He was looking studiously at the floor. I put my hand on his cheek and turned his face to me. “I think you are. I can’t imagine spending eternity with anyone else.” I watched as emotions played behind Spike’s eyes, but he was careful not to show too much. ”Is it something you would want?” I asked quietly.

He squinted at me a little, searching my eyes as if the answer…well…what he thought I wanted to hear, would be spelled out there. I tried to keep my eyes as neutral as possible, even though my head and heart were screaming for him to make me his. But, of course, he had to make his part of the decision on his own. I knew what my answer would be, but I wasn’t going to try to influence him one way or the other. I could see why he wouldn’t want to chain himself to someone like me for all eternity. I remembered all the times I had beaten him and called him a monster. God, I had been such a fool. I knew I didn’t deserve him, but if he’d have me, I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to him.

“Do you know what it is you’re asking, kitten?” he asked me solemnly.

“Not completely,” I answered honestly. “But that doesn’t really answer my question. I know that you wouldn’t let me do something that could hurt me and if it’s something you want, then I want to give that to you.”

Without warning his lips crashed down over mine. His tongue darted out and licked my bottom lip as he tangled his long fingers into my hair. He was kissing me frantically, plunging his tongue into my mouth. I climbed into his lap, closing all distance between us as the front of our bodies molded together and our tongues fought for dominance. I could feel his long hard cock pushing against the denim beneath me. When air became a problem, I broke away from his mouth, panting.

“You still haven’t answered my question, Spike,” I smirked at him.

“My demon wants to throw you down and pound you into the ground right now and claim you as his. The man…” he trailed off.

I took my chances. “The man…what?”

He didn’t meet my eyes. “The man wants to do it the right way. The human way. Ask you to…you know,” he finished, embarrassed. I didn’t know why he was so nervous about wanting to be a gentleman, so I decided to change the subject to something I had been wanting to ask for a long time.

“What were you like as a human?”

He looked startled at the question and embarrassed again. This man, who was confident to the point of arrogance, looked shy. It was adorable. He softly began to speak. “I was bookish, like Giles only more so. I was a soddin’ ponce. I was well educated and brought up to be a gentleman.”

“What was your last name?” I couldn’t believe I had never asked before.

He looked panicked. “I…uh…legally had it changed a few years ago.”

“From what to what?”

He sighed, realizing, I think, he wasn’t going to be able to avoid answering me. “From Pratt to Sanger.”

“Sanger…isn’t that French for something?” It sounded awfully familiar.

He smirked at me, that old Big Bad persona slipping easily back into place. “You just have to figure it out. I’m not going to tell you.” He cocked his head to the side, listening to something. “Two sets of footsteps, but only one heartbeat. I’m gonna venture a guess that the failsafe has been stopped, yeah?” He lifted me to my feet and moved to stand beside me. I looped my arm around his waist and we waited, watching the door.

Angel and Cordelia emerged. “So?” I questioned.

“Cordelia shut down the thing while I got to fight Lindsey. Wesley’s spell must have worked because all his tattoos faded off. The senior partners took him. Sucked him into a big portal. That might be the last we see of him,” Angel finished.

“Guess it’s not a good day to be a bad guy, eh?” I grinned.

We walked up the stairs together.


The rest of the gang had converged in the lobby. Eve had been duct taped to a rolling office chair. Lorne used the dagger he had gotten from Angel’s wall to slice the tape off. Cordy and I both grabbed an arm and drug her to the elevator.

“It’s been a pleasure. Let’s never keep in touch,” Cordy quipped.

“It’s a new game, Eve. If I were you, I’d start thinking strategy,” Angel said.

Eve glared at him. “And here I am thinking revenge.”

“And what do you think the senior partners are thinking?” Angel asked.

I’m not sure if it was the loss of her lover, Lindsey, or the retribution of the senior partners looming over her, but I could see the tears welling in her eyes as the elevator doors closed. My heart clenched for her a little, but I forced it from my mind. This woman had tried to hurt people. Never empathize with the bad guys.

My thoughts were silenced by Lorne’s voice. “Well, I’m thinking seabreeze, compadres.” He looked at each one of us in turn.

“Well, I’ve been prancin’ around thinkin’ I had a destiny. Love to drown my sorrows in a few pints,” Spike agreed.

“We should all go get a drink. We haven’t done that in…ever,” Fred said excitedly.

Gunn nodded as he pressed the elevator button. “I’m in. Cat and Fiddle?”

“Yeah,” Wesley confirmed. “Angel?”

Angel smiled. “A drink sounds good. I’ll go get my coat.”

We all piled into the elevator except Cordy. “You guys go ahead. We’ll catch up.” She winked at me as the doors closed.

We started walking down the street in silence. Apparently the pub was only a few blocks away. As we walked, I got an idea and turned to Wesley.

“So, you speak French, right?”

Spike whipped around. “Oi, Slayer, that’s cheating.”

“No, it’s not,” I admonished, shaking a finger at him. “You said you weren’t going to tell me, you never said I couldn’t ask someone else to tell me.”

He shook his head at me and lit two smokes, handing one to me. I turned back to Wesley and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I speak French,” he answered wearily.

“Doesn’t ‘Sanger’ mean something?” I asked him.

“Well, ‘sang’ means blood,” he ventured.

I turned to Spike and smiled incredulously. “You changed your name to William Blood? You know, maybe I don’t say this enough, but you are a genius!” He smirked at me. “But why change it anyway? Do vampires really need last names anyway?"

“Bank accounts, luv.”

“You have a bank account?” I asked.

Spike chuckled, taking a long drag from his cigarette. “Sure, pet. You didn’t think the Gem or Amara was the only thing I found in that tomb, did you?”

I stared at him, shocked. “You mean all those time I had to pay you for information…you mean to tell me that when you came to the Doublemeat Palace that time, and told me that if I left with you, you would get money, you were serious? You even had the money already!” I exclaimed. “Oh, you really are evil.”

He just smiled at me. We were in front to the bar, so he opened the door and ushered everyone through it. I was last. As I passed him, he whispered, “And don’t you forget it, baby.” Mmmm, nummy.

“So?” I asked impatiently.

“Nearest I can tell,” Spike said slowly, “they’re just sitting there. Their heartbeats are normal. I don’t smell any sex. I think they’re just talking.”

We had both almost forgotten about the couple I had given one of the keys to our room to. Spike unlocked the door and we peeked into the room. Oz and Willow were sitting on the couch talking. One look at their faces said they had been getting along. And was that…possibly a hint of attraction on Willow’s face? Time would tell, I guessed. They looked up as we walked in.

“Hey guys. Did you order up some room service? I’m starving. Think they’ll still send something up at,” I glanced at the clock and groaned, “one o’clock in the morning. God, why can’t callings have normal hours?” I asked rhetorically. I reached into the mini fridge and grabbed a container of blood. I poured some into one of the mugs on the counter and popped it into the microwave. Spike had shrugged off his duster and sat down in a chair across from Willow. She was animatedly telling him about the things she had seen in Brazil.

I grabbed the mug from the microwave and took it to my vampire. Turning to Oz, I said, “I’m gonna order up some food and then we can start dying your hair, if you still wanna do that tonight.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Want anything?” I asked the small assembled group.

“I’m feelin’ a bit peckish. I wouldn’t say no to a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of hot wings, pet.” Spike smiled affectionately at me. I returned it and looked at my other two friends, Willow declined any sustenance, but Oz was thinking along the same lines as I was. Big cheeseburger, lots of French fries, tall glass of soda. I made the call to room service and the grabbed Oz’s bag full of hair dye.

Oz followed me into the bathroom as I read the instructions on the back of the bottle of blue hair dye. His hair was going to be Cookie Monster blue by the time I was done. Oz took of his shirt and draped a towel over his shoulders and I pulled on latex gloves. I motioned for Oz to sit on the floor and I sat behind him on the edge of the bathtub. “So,” I whispered as I began rubbing the dye into his hair, “how’s it been going tonight?” I was nervous, but I had to know.

“It was awkward at first, but it’s been getting easier.”

“I just want you to know, I didn’t mean for you see her. I mean, she helped me and I just didn’t expect you to be back so soon. I feel like I let you down,” I finished quietly.

He shook his head slightly, so as not to mess up my work on his hair. “You didn’t, Buffy. I mean, some warning would have been nice,” I could hear the smile on his lips, “but no long term damage to our friendship was done. It’s not fair though.”

I finished applying the dye and took off my gloves, tossing them in the trash. I sat down next to him on the floor. “What isn’t?”

“Well, I love someone, they end up a lesbian. You love someone, you both cheat death to be together. It’s not fair to us, the normal people. You’re just really lucky,” he answered.

I smiled. “You know, we’ve saved a lot of people countless times. There never had to be a reward for that because, hey, that would be doing it for all the wrong reasons. But this, getting to be with Spike after all this time and finally getting to be happy…it feels like a prize, you know?”

Spike stuck his head around the door. “Buffy, luv, the food’s here.” I nodded and smiled at him.

Oz and I joined the objects of our affection in the next room. Spike had wheeled in the tray and set all the food on the coffee table in front of the couch. Oz sat back down next to Willow, Spike resumed sitting in the chair and I sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table. As I started on my French fries, I fixed Spike with a pointed stare.

“So, you got in a fight with Angel, eh? One where he lost. That sounds like a story I want to hear.” I winked at him.

I saw the happy gleam in his eye. I knew how much he loved to brag. “Well,” he began, “it all starts with a prophecy. Have you heard of the Shanshu?” he asked us. We all shook our heads, so he continued. “It tells of a vampire with a soul who fulfills his destiny and once he does, will become human. Then, when I became corporeal again, someone from Percy’s department told us there was more to the prophecy. That the vampire was supposed to drink from the Cup of Perpetual Torment. So Peaches and I raced out into the desert, where the bloody thing was. Death Valley. I wanted to be the one with a destiny for once.”

He lit a smoke before he went on. “All I could think of was the thousands of times the Great Poof and I had been weighed against each other and he had always won. With Drusilla. With the Scoobies. With you.” He looked at me through the thick curtain of his lashes. “I just wanted to prove something, to myself, more than him.”

“There is nothing more common-place than the wish to be remarkable.” Willow whispered.

“Shakespeare,” I acknowledged. “Although in your case, Spike, you need not wish. You are remarkable. Please go on.”

His lips quirked up into a shy smile as he continued to weave his tale. “We found the cup pretty much at the same time. We fought, we insulted each other. He used you as ammunition against me. Said I only got my bloody soul back so you would sleep with me. Said you didn’t love me because I wasn’t him. Said the only reason you were with me at all was because I was a substitute for him.” The pain made his voice raw and tears coursed down his cheeks. I was surprised he was letting other people see his emotions. Angel had obviously said something that Spike had been carrying around in his head for some time.

I got up and threw my arms around him and was startled a few seconds later when Willow did the same. “But you still kicked his ass, right? So you, like, defended both yours and Buffy’s honor.” She pulled back and smiled at him.

“Well, I almost bloody staked him, but I thought the Slayer might get med,” he said quietly.

I pulled back and looked him straight in the eye. “If someone attacks you, you go all out to fight back. If someone tries to kill you, you kill him or her first, with very few exceptions. Angel wouldn’t have thought twice about staking you. You must know that. But,” I said softly, “the staying of your hand is one of the many things that make you a better man.”

That earned me a smile. A big one.

We had all finished eating, so I turned to Oz. “If you wanna go wash that stuff out of your hair, we’ll start phase two.”

Spike got up as well. “I’ll go help the Wolf Boy with the bleach. Believe it or not, I know my way around a bottle of peroxide.” He grinned at us as he followed Oz into the bathroom.

I moved up next to Willow on the couch. “So, I’ve been thinking about Angel’s avoidyness. I’m thinkin’ there’s a memory changing spell on some of the people here. I could reverse it if we got everyone in the same room, but since they don’t know something’s wrong, it might be tough,” Willow told me.

“Do you have a specific spell in mind? I mean, can we test it? Maybe…you can test it on us?” She looked at me skeptically. “You and I have both come to L.A. over the years. How do we know whatever mojo everyone else is under hasn’t affected us, too?”

“Good point,” she said, nodding emphatically. “I’ll just pop home and grab some stuff and we can get right to it. Will you move the coffee table while I’m gone?”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Sure sure, you just keep me around to do your manual labor.”

She grinned at me. “Yep, you’re like my very own special pack pony.” With that and a loud POP, she was gone. And I, like the good friend I am, hefted the table out of the way.

I stuck my head around the bathroom door and saw my lover with his hands encased in latex using a tinting brush on the tips of Oz’s hair. He was a picture of domestic cuteness. Big Bad indeed. “Hey, Willow and I are going to do a spell, so if you get the tinglies in here, you know why.”

What are you going to do, pet?” Spike asked warily.

“Willow and I both think that Angel has had some kind of a forgetting sell on his team here. Since both she and I have been to L.A. in the past three years, we’re going to test the…unforgetting spell, for lack of a better term, on ourselves to see if we’ve been affected too. Something here is giving me the wiggins,” I replied.

He nodded solemnly and I heard Willow reappear behind me. I shut the door and turned to my friend. “Okay, what do we do?”

She poured sand in a large circle on the floor that had been previously occupied by the coffee table. As per her instructions, we both stepped into the circle and sat cross-legged, facing each other.

Willow handed me a white candle and then picked up hers. She nodded to me and I lit the candles as she spoke.

These candles we light to represent ourselves
They burn, as do our spirits
It is as ourselves in all things
They are the symbols of reality
They are enjoined about us to how us all truth

We sat as memories came flooding back to us. I remembered the day I had spent with Angel when he was human. I remembered lying in bed with him and eating ice cream and falling asleep in his arms. I remembered how he told me that he asked for the Powers that Be to take it back so he could protect me, but that hadn’t been true. I had died anyway. Tears coursed freely down my face and I could feel myself shaking uncontrollably. My crying blurred my vision, but I still saw a black clothed figure race around me and draw me into embrace.

“Buffy, kitten, what did you remember?” I took a deep breath. Mmm Spike smell, smell of Spike. It calmed me down considerably. He picked me up and sat down on the chair, holding me in his lap, stroking my back and holding my hand.

Oz and Willow sat on the couch. I pulled the smokes from Spike’s pocket and lit one, drawing a slow, shaky drag. Then I began to speak. I told them everything I remembered. When I had finished, I saw Spike’s face. His eyes alone betrayed his pain, so I decided to explain further. “You have to understand, I’m not mad or upset because I, like, lost my chance to be with Angel. I’m upset because he not only screwed with my memories, but he also lied about the reason he had the Powers take the day back. He said it was to protect me, but how can that be true? He was here in L.A. How could he protect me? He didn’t and I still died. He did it for himself. And besides,” I smiled shyly at my vampire love, “someone very wise once said that I like a little monster in my man.”

That earned me a grateful smile. I turned my eyes to Willow. “So? Anything new in your head?”

“Ooh,” she exclaimed, “Angel and Darla have a human son named Conner. He’s eighteen or so. He was born last year, but he was kidnapped and grew up in a hell dimension where time moves differently or something. He’s all grown up now. That must be what Angel wanted us all to forget, but I don’t know why.”

“Peaches and Darla had a soddin’ child? How the bleeding hell did that happen?”

About a hour later, Oz had driven back to his uncle’s house where he was staying and Willow had teleported back to Brazil, both with plans to meet me and Spike for lunch. I didn’t know what Willow planned to tell Kennedy, but in truth, I didn’t care. I knew what I wanted to happen, but I wasn’t going to hope for anything. They were capable of making their own decisions after all.

I went into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands. Spike trailed in after me and knelt down at my feet. “Are you going to be alright, pet?”

I didn’t move my hands. “I knew Angel had some kind of God complex, but I never thought he would adjust people’s memories so we only knew what he wanted us to. That’s just so…he mind raped us. All of us. Fred and Wesley and Gunn and Willow and his son Conner, wherever he is, and me and God knows how many others. No one should have that right.”

Spike gently removed my hands from my face. I looked into his deep blue eyes and saw his concern radiating out. “I’m going to fine. It’ll just take some time to get over the fact that someone violated my mind like that.” I curled my tongue behind my teeth like Spike always did himself. “Of course, you could help me get my mind off of it.”

His eyes darkened into pools of cobalt lust. I pulled his hands up and placed them on my waist as I leaned down to kiss him. His lips were soft and smooth and I let my tongue dart out to taste them. I felt as his fingers snaked up under my shirt, touching my back with his cool pale fingers. I moaned against his mouth at the contact.

I raised my arms over my head and he swept my shirt up over my head. He moved his kisses from my lips to my jaw line, reigning open-mouthed caresses down my neck and across my collarbone. He ghosted his hands across my lace-covered breasts and I arched my back to put more of his hands on me. I felt his nostrils flare against my skin as the scent of my arousal hit him hard. He growled low in his throat. The vibrations caused goose bumps on my skin.

I reached down and pulled his shirt up. He obligingly broke his mouth from my skin to allow me to remove the garment. I slid my hands down his chest, feeling the strong muscles in his alabaster skin. As his thumbs swept over my hardened nipples, my hands mirrored his actions on his own.

He took a sharp breath in as his nipples hardened under my attention. His hands feathered down over my stomach to the top button of my jeans. His mouth trailed kisses down over the tops of my breasts until he latched on to my nipple through the lace.

I arched and moaned against him as he slid my pants and shoes off down my legs. He picked me up and laid me back against the pillows at the head of the bead. His eyes raked over my scantily clad form. “You’re so beautiful, Buffy,” he whispered. Then he crawled up my body and claimed my mouth in a bone-melting kiss, his hands tangled in my hair. My hands fluttered down his body to undo the button on his jeans. I didn’t want anything to separate us anymore. Like he read my mind, he reached behind me and unhooked my bra. Throwing it across the room, he ducked down to take one of my rosy hardened nipples into his mouth.

As he lathed my nipple with his cool tongue, his fangs descended and gazed my soft flesh. I moaned as I arched up to put more of my breast in contact with his talented mouth. As I slid his zipper down, he drug his fangs lightly down my stomach, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to raise little red welts. It was exquisite.

When he reached my thong, he shredded the flimsy material with his elongated canines. He shifted back as he sat back on his heels. “My golden goddess. I can’t wait to taste your juicy little quim.” He spread my legs and situated himself between them. Placing a soft kiss on each thigh, he plunged a long digit into my slick hole without warning. My hips bucked off the bed in response.

He chuckles softly before licking my outer lips, gathering all the moisture collecting there in response to his ministrations. “Mmm, sweet ambrosia,” he whispered. He lapped at my pussy like a starving man as I writhed about on the bed, praying to as many gods as I knew names for that he would touch my clit. He was torturing me, knew it, and took great pleasure in it.

“Please, Spike, baby, please,” I whimpered.

He moved his tongue slowly up my slit and softly licked the swollen nubbin. I cried out loudly as he sucked it into his mouth and gently rolled it between his teeth. As I felt myself on the verge of orgasm, he pulled his face away. He slowly crawled up my body, leaving his finger buried in my depths.

As he laid the lightest touch of his lips over the healing bite mark scar on my inner elbow, I used my legs to push his jeans off his slender hips and down his legs. I felt him kick them off to the floor. I reached down between us and touched the velvet soft skin of his hard cock. He hissed with pleasure as I spread the pre-cum over his cool shaft.

I felt another finger enter me as Spike brought his vampiric visage to the forefront. He gently rubbed his fangs over the bite on my arm and then looked up at me. “Only my marks, right, kitten?” he beseeched me.

“Yes, Spike, yes,” I breathed.

Sharp pain preceded a torrent of ridiculous pleasure as I climaxed with Spike’s fingers pumping me and his teeth in my arm. Before my muscles had stopped fluttering, he removed his hand and slammed his cool member into my moist heat. I screamed his name as another orgasm rode in on the tails of the last one.
He rolled his hips so his pubic bone ground into my clit with every downward stroke. He pulled his face from my arm to kiss me with wild abandon. I could taste a combination of my juices and my blood on his lips. It was intoxicating.

My hips rose off the bed to meet his increasingly more rapid thrusts. I could tell how close he was as he pulled away from my lips to babble tender affections. “Oh God, Buffy! You feel so good, so tight. You’re so hot around me. Feel like I could burn up inside you. I love you so much, pet.”

I clenched my inner muscles and he came with a roar, shouting my name. The feel of his cold seed shooting into my depths brought me to another orgasm as I clasp my love to me.

He rolled to the side and took me with him, which was just as well. I didn’t want him to pull out of me. I wanted to be joined in every way possible. He reached up to brush stray hair from my face.

“Say it, kitten,” he whispered.

I didn’t even have to ask. “I love you.



I cracked open an eye and trained it on the clock radio. Ten o’clock in the morning. Shit. I was supposed to meet Cordy to start her training in half an hour. I groaned and untangled myself from Spike’s embrace. When I got out of bed, I watched him roll into place I had just been, either gravitating to my heat or my smell, perhaps both.

I showered quickly and pulled my wet hair into a ponytail. It would dry soon enough. I pulled on some workout type clothes, light blue drawstring pants, a white tank top, white sneakers. I took a small bag with some…slightly more fashionable clothes, some of my smallish weapons like stakes, in it. Spike had yet to wake up, so I wrote him a not on the fancy hotel paper.

Spike,
Gone to train Cordy. Don’t forget we have a lunch date with Willow and Oz at one. Meet us in the lobby unless you’re going to come and help with the training when you get up. Either way, I’ll see you there.
Love always,
Buffy

As a second thought, I pulled Spike’s poetry book from my purse and opened it to the last page, the page I had written.

You and me
Meant to be
Immutable, impossible
It’s destiny
Pure lunacy
Incalculable, insufferable
But for the last time
You’re everything that I want and ask for
You’re all that I’d dreamed
Who wouldn’t be the one you love
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love?
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful you
Don’t understand
Don’t feel me now
I will breath for the both of us
Travel the world
Traverse the skies
Your home is here within my heart
And for the first time
I feel as though I am reborn
In my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage
Who wouldn’t be the one you love
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love?
And for the first time
I’m telling you how much I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time
I’ll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You’re mine forever now
Who wouldn’t be the one you love and live for?
Who wouldn’t stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn’t be the one you love

I knew it wasn’t great, but I had tried and I meant all I said. Perhaps he would like it, who knows. At least I had tried. I lay it open to the page I had written next to Spike. Next to that, I lay my note. I grabbed my bag and left the room.

Cordy and I both sat on the floor of the training room of Wolfram and Hart, panting. It had been a fun workout, teaching her to fight. It was terrific. What she lacked in skill, she more than made up for with sheer determination. Angel head been training her to fight before her coma, and although Angel was a clumsy fighter at best, Cordy managed to be much more graceful and precise, even though he had been the one to tutor her.

“Hello, Slayers!” A cheerful British voice announced.

“Hello, Wesley!” we said together. Wow. Charlie’s Angel’s much? Wes came in with a huge stack of leather bound books. He stacked them on the floor next to the door.

“My journals, as promised,” Wesley quipped.

“Thank you.” A thought hit me. “Hey, come sit down for a minute. There’s something I need to discuss with both of you.”

“This private, luv? Should I come back later? Just come to tell you that Red and the Wolf boy will be late joinin’ us for lunch. They found something to do together first, I guess.” My sardonic vampire smirked at me from the doorway.

“Good for them. Why don’t you sit down, too? It’s probably good that you know this also.” Wesley and Spike sat down on the floor with us. I had their undivided attention. It was great!

“I’ll just get right to it. When we took over the Watcher’s Council, we found evidence that most of the older Council members, like Quentin Travers, had their houses, cars, most of their assets in the name of the Council. For tax purposes, I suppose.” I saw all their eyes get big at the realization of what I was saying. “We came into possession of forty eight houses, sixty four cars, a few boats and multiple other…things. Of course, “ I fixed Wesley with a pointed stare, “I gave one house back.”

Wes looked at me in surprise. I continued. “When I saw the name Wyndam-Pryce, I just couldn’t keep the house. I delivered the deed back in person. Your father’s…uh…pleasant. He sure doesn’t think much of me.” I smiled cheekily at him.

“Pet, are you saying you and the Watcher own a bunch of houses and cars in London?” Spike asked incredulously.

“Yep,” I said, popping the ‘p.’ “Mostly belonging to people who died in the explosion on the Council building. I even got a driver’s license after I saw Quentin’s car, so I took that one as mine.”

Wesley looked at me shocked. “You drive Quentin Travers’ car? The green one?”

“Uh-huh,” I confirmed. “Dawn and I share it.”

“You and you seventeen year old sister share that car?” Wesley asked incredulously.

“What’s the big deal?” Cordy demanded.

“Buffy, tell them what kind of car it is,” Wesley instructed.

“It’s a ’99 Aston Martin Vanquish in British racing green. Matches my eyes and everything.” I smiled contentedly at the memory of the hot car.

Spike grinned at me. “Kitten’s got good taste. Lotta dosh for that ride.”

“But my newly acquired auto obsession is not the reason I bring this up.” I looked at the only other woman in the room. “When you go to England, you have two choices. You can live in one of the apartment buildings we bought for all the girls to live in…well, the girls and Andrew.” Spike snickered as I went on. “I lived in one with Dawn until I came here, but somehow, I don’t think you want to live in a place with a bunch of clomping teenage girls…so maybe you want a house and car of your own.” Cordy’s eyes were huge at the implications of what I was saying.
“Most of the houses are scattered around the English countryside, but most are fairly close to London. There are even a few castles. Honest to god castles. I’ve got dibs on a huge one just outside Surrey.” Spike stared at me, shocked with a grin on his face. “Dawn and I went and checked it out. I thought it would be fantastic for Christmas. There’s a huge Great room with a gigantic fireplace. It would be perfect for a really big tree and a big family to gather around it. Speaking of which…what’s the date today?”

“December fifteenth,” Wesley answered.

“Well then, how’s this? Let’s all go to England for the holidays.”

Cordy stared at me. “Are you serious?”

“Sure, why not? I mean, there are, like, twelve bedrooms in the castle thingie, more than enough room for everyone and…well…Dawn and I haven’t celebrated Christmas since Mom died. I think I’m ready again and I know she is. I just can’t think of a better way to do it. Surrounded by good friends, old and new, sounds like a great way to get back into the holiday.”

“I’m in,” Spike grinned.

Cordy smiled. “Can I pick out a house and a car while I’m there?” I nodded. She squealed and clapped her hands. “Okay, I’m in, too.”

Wesley alone looked unsure. “I…haven’t been back to England…since…”

“The Council fired you," I supplied. "Giles said your father was terribly upset. He ranted and raved after we took over the Council and wouldn’t hire back any of the former Watchers like him. Said we were ruining hundreds of years of tradition. Of course, that was said only after I explained that his presence was neither required nor wanted. I told him we needed good men with open minds and courage to fight for themselves, not just send off little girls to do it for them. Which is also why I intend to inform your father of your employment with us myself. I’d love to know if he paid any attention at all to the requirements.” I lowered my voice to a low murmur and took Wes’s hand between both of mine. “I’m sorry that your father criticizes you so much, but you must be glad he at least takes some interest in your life. I haven’t seen my dad in…two years. Maybe more. I was dead for…”

“One hundred forty seven days.”

“Thank you, Spike. Point is, my dad didn’t even notice. If you don’t want to see him while we’re there, that’s okay. If you want to invite him for a dinner, that’s cool too. We’ll protect you.” I grinned at him. “After all, you’ll have two slayers and the youngest ever vampire to be declared a master. And, of course, whomever else we invite. I think we can keep you safe from one old man’s biting comments.”

Wesley smiled back at me. “Alright then. England it is.”

“England what is?”

We all turned to the voice. Willow and Oz were standing in the doorway. Holding hands. No wigging, Buffy. Maybe they’re just friends. Friends that hold hands. “We’re going to England for Christmas. Oz, are you still going to be here?”

“Nope. Hoppin’ back across the pond on the twentieth,” he replied.

“And you Willow? Do you have Hanukkah plans? Or Yule, as the case may be?"”

She shifted her feet nervously. “I was supposed to spend the holidays with Kennedy’s family, but since I broke up with her last night…I’m guessing I need new plans.” She finished her statement with a huge grin. “Oz and I are…well…me and Oz….” she didn’t have a chance to finish as I leapt to my feet and hugged both her and Oz. “Which, you know makes sense because when he left Sunnydale I told him that part of me would always be waiting for him, and I guess we finally got to the time where it was right again to be together.”

“What about your Wicca school?” I asked her.

“Giles is letting me transfer both my classes and my pupils to merry ol’ England, so I’m flying back with Oz.”

“So Red, You and the boy want to crash with us then? We’d be glad to have you for the holidays, both of you,” Spike said generously.

Willow looked at him shocked. I know in her mind she was going through every mean thing we had ever said and done to Spike over the years. ‘Why was he being so nice to me?’ I could almost hear her thinking. It took a moment, but she smiled and nodded at him.

“Are you going to ask any of the others?” Wesley asked.

“Of course,” I moved to the doorway. “I’ll go ask everyone…well, not EVERYONE, but a few people and you, “I tossed my cell phone to Spike, “get to call and tell Dawn that we’re coming for Christmas. I suggest holding the phone at arms length.” I winked at him. “She’s number two on the speed dial. Just press it and hold it down."


I wandered off to find Fred. I located her lab, no mean feat, and walked in. There was that creepy nerd guy again! “Uh…Fred?”

“I’m here!” I heard her call. She stood up from behind one of the lab tables with a huge pile of papers askew in her hands. No prizes for guessing what happened there. After living with Dawn, I knew the look of someone who had dropped a bunch of stuff on the ground. I went around the table and finished helping her retrieve the papers from the floor. I noticed that “Knox” didn’t bother helping.

When the papers were stacked on the table, I hopped up to sit next to them. Guess I was channeling my inner Spike again. “So, some of us are taking off for Christmas and we want you to come with us.” I watched as Knox edged closer to hear what I was saying. He looked up at me and I glared at him. He scooted back to where he had previously stood.

“Who’s going and where to?” Fred asked interestedly.
“So far? Me, Spike, Cordelia, Willow, Oz, my sister Dawn, and,” I paused for dramatic emphasis, “Wesley. We’re going to England. I own…some property in the country. We thought it would be nice to get away for Christmas. You’ll come with us, right?” I grinned at her encouragingly.

She smiled brightly at me. “That sounds wonderful. When do you want to leave?”

“Well, Oz and Willow are flying back on the twentieth. I was thinking we could all use the Council jet that brought me and just fly back together.”

“A real Christmas with snow. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. That and getting away from this place." She looked around covertly, as if the walls would be offended that she might want to leave. “I’m definitely in.”

I grinned at her. “I’ll go talk to the rest of the people we’re inviting. You know, Gunn and Lorne and we’ll hammer out all the details later, okay?” I asked.
“Sounds great.”

As I turned to leave I could hear Knox whining to Fred. “I thought you were going to be here for the holidays. We were gonna work.” Bloody ponce. Couldn’t he see that she needed a vacation?

I ran into Spike, Willow and Oz in the hallway. “We’re lunching. Wanna come?”

Oz. Master of short, non-committal sentences.
“Nah, I still have three people to talk to and at least two phone calls to make. You guys go ahead.” Spike handed me back my phone. “How’d she react,” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Spike grinned at me. “I won’t be able to hear out of my left ear for a bloody week! You’d think that since she’ll be eighteen in a few months, she’d have stopped the soddin’ squealin’ by now”

“I take it she was excited then.” I looked around. “Where’s Wesley?”

Willow hooked a thumb down the hall. “He and Cordy are practicing meditation techniques. Why?”

“Wanted to use his office to make my calls and stuff. Thought it might me easier if I had a desk and paper to write on to keep track of things. I need to call and have someone go clean the house…castle…thingie. It’s furnished, so that’s a non-issue but there are other things to arrange. Cars from the airport and such.” I turned and flashed the group a thousand watt smile. “So rather than stand here and talk about it, I’m going to go do it! Have a nice lunch!” I waved and took off down the hall.

Both Gunn and Lorne had declined the invitation. That was fine with me. I really wanted Fred and Wes to…cough…connect on this little trip, so the less distractions, the better. Not to mention Willow and Oz had a lot to catch up on…a romantic castle getaway might be just the ticket.

I had avoided talking to Angel, although I would, just last. I wanted time with him. Time in which he could explain in great detail why he thought it necessary to alter my mind. I was going to give him the chance to explain himself and he’s be damn lucky if I didn’t stake him on principle.

I slumped into the chair behind Wesley’s desk. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. My life was so ridiculously complicated. Cerulean eyes flashed in my mind. Damn. It was so worth it. No question

I dialed Giles’ number. It rang a good many times before he answered. He sounded tired and sad. “Giles, are you alright? What’s wrong?” I was thinking perhaps something had happened to one of the girls.

“I…uh…don’t worry about it, my dear,” he said softly.
I shook my head. “Giles, I have always been able to come to you about almost everything. You’ve always listened and helped me through things. I’m not a kid anymore. Let me help you.”

I heard him sigh heavily. “You’re right. Last night, some Simiqua demons attacked the Council.” I started to interrupt, but I thought better of it and waited patiently. “The were dispatched without incident, but…” I could hear him clean his glasses, “Olivia was here at the time. She and I had been trying to reconcile our relationship, but what with the demons laying siege, she decided that my life really is too dangerous and she doesn’t want to be put at risk anymore.”

“Oh, Giles,” my voice constricted with sympathy for him, “I’m so sorry.”

“I truly think I lost any chance I had to be happy when Jenny died.” His voice was thick with emotion.

I had almost forgotten about Jenny Calendar. Clearly, Giles had not. And while I blamed Angel for her death, I also blamed Jenny herself, and to some extent, myself. Angel had a very long time to research his curse and since he was such an egotist, I guess he hadn’t found that to be a relevant use of his time. Jenny, of course, knew everything about the curse and had chosen not to tell us until to late, thus sealing her own fate. And, more importantly, I blamed myself for not seeing Angel for what he was. A very real danger.

I’m not sure, nor do I want to be conceited about it, but I’m guessing if you asked Spike what the happiest moment of his life was, he would tell you it was when he realized I really did love him back, or something very similar. Of course, Angel’s was deflowering a seventeen-year-old virgin. Go figure. Apparently, not even the birth of his son had made him as happy.

“I don’t believe that, Giles. I believe that if you are meant to be with someone, then nothing will stop you. I think there is something amazing out there for you, and maybe you haven’t found it yet, but I have faith that you will, Giles. You are a wonderful caring man and whatever woman you choose will be lucky to have you. Do you have any plans for Christmas?” I asked. I wasn’t trying to change the subject, but what could I really say to make Giles feel better about Miss Calendar’s death? Lord knows he had said all the generic sympathy statements to me after Spike’s death. But I knew better. There was nothing I could say to take away the pain.

“Uh…no…I don’t, Buffy.” The change of topic seemed to catch him off guard.

“Good,” I replied. “A few of us are flying out and spending the holidays in that castle near Surrey. You’ll join us, won’t you? Since my mother died, you are the closet thing I have to a parent and it won’t feel right if you aren’t there.” Okay, I was playing to his need of being needed, but I didn’t want him to be alone and depressed for Christmas.

After a little begging, I had him talked into it. He only agreed after I assured him that Angel was in no way invited. I planned to sit Giles down and tell him about the memory altering spells he had put on everyone and get his advice. There had to be some sort of punishment for him for messing with our minds.

I was on the phone with a cleaning crew when Spike poked his head into the office. He held out a small takeout box. I lifted an eyebrow in question.

“Club sandwich,” he whispered. From his duster pocket he pulled a bottle of diet Coke. He put them both down on the desk and kissed my forehead. “I’m going up to spar with the Cheerleader. I’ll see you when you’re finished.” He said quietly. I nodded and blew him a kiss, mouthing ‘thank you.’ He smiled and retreated, leaving me to book the cleaners. Giles had already agreed to drive out and let people in to clean. Of course, he would also be staying while they were there. House full of stuff. I didn’t want any of it stolen.

Xander was next on my list. He answered almost immediately. “Buff!” he exclaimed when he realized it was me. “What’s the what?” When I told him, he eagerly agreed to fly out and meet us in merry ol’ England for Christmas.

When my sandwich was eaten and the coke gone, I knew I had wasted all the time I could and it was time to face Angel. I wasn’t sure if I had ever been this nervous to speak with him. Shake it off, Buffy!
I knocked on the door to Angel’s office. When I heard him say ‘enter,’ I walked in.

“Can we talk?” I asked stoically.

He looked up in surprise. “Buffy? What do you want?”
I raised my eyebrows at the venom in his voice. Undeterred, I sat down in the chair across from his desk. I had already decided to talk about some other things before I launched into my attack about mind raping.

“So…Fred and Wesley are coming to England for Christmas with me and Spike and Cordy. I figured they hadn’t gotten the chance to tell you yet since we all just decided this a few hours ago, but I wasn’t all that worried about rushing off to tell you,” Big Lie, “because, hey, I’m sure your team already had the holidays off.”

Angel’s nostrils flared. “So, you just thought you’d take half of my team and fly halfway around the world?” Angel’s anger was palpable.

I was pissed. “You’ll still have Gunn and Lorne here, plus you highly trained staff of blood sucking lawyers, no pun intended. Don’t Fred and Wesley need a vacation? Or aren’t they allowed to have fun or leave this godforsaken evil empire? They’re people, Angel. They haven’t been chosen for this like me, or Spike, or you. They chose this and now they choose to take a vacation. They can take time off,” I exclaimed vehemently.

“No, I know that…it’s just…” Angel stammered.

“What? That we didn’t invite you? Or that we didn’t ask for your permission?” I sneered.

“No, not that. They are my employees…never mind. I’m sure you’ll all have a great time. Was there something else you wanted, Buffy?” Angel was trying to dismiss me, like that would work.

“Yeah, there is. Why did you tell Spike I would never love him because he isn’t you?” His eyes grew impossibly wide as I continued. “I mean, that’s arrogant even for you. And how dare you assume that you comprehend my heart?” I hissed at him.

“Buffy,” he sounded exasperated. “We all know that the only reason you’re with Spike is that you can’t be with me. He’s just the closest…thing you can find.”

My jaw dropped. How pompous and self absorbed could someone get? “Listen, Angel. This is the last time I will try to explain this to you. When you and I dated, if you could even call it that, all you did was pop up with cryptic warnings, not real info. You hardly ever tried to help me patrol, you had me break into an ice rink for a damn date! You tried to make decisions to for me, like I was too dense to think for myself. And to top it all off, you had the Powers-that-like-to-mess-with-us take back a day and decided for me that I shouldn’t remember it.” Angel’s mouth opened and closed like a goldfish but I wasn’t finished. “You adjusted the memories of all your so called friends so they won’t remember your son, Conner, either. There are always consequences with magic, Angel. Always. I hope yours doesn’t cost you everything you hold dear.” He knew better than to break my rant now.

“Riley was just like you, only human. He thought I was a little girl that needed protecting. He, too, like to make decisions for me, and like you, he wanted to me more important than my Slayer calling. He wanted me to be ashamed of it, of the kill, of how much I relished it sometimes. And when he realized that I didn’t really need him, he took off. Just like you.”

I took a deep breath before continuing. “With Spike, everything is different. He sees me as an equal. Being the Slayer just one of the things he loves about me. He loves Buffy the Slayer and Buffy the Girl, just as I love Spike the Vampire and William the Man. He respects me as a warrior and understands my calling. He doesn’t try to make decisions for me. I love him, Angel. I love him and it has nothing to do with you. I love him for who he is, how he loves with all of his being, and how he went against his very nature to help my friends and me. He stayed to protect my sister even after I had died because he made a promise to me. He fought for a soul and so he could be the kind of man he thought I deserved and, contrary to what you may believe, he didn’t do it so I’d sleep with him. Until I came back here, I hadn’t in over a year. Pre-soul. You never have to be okay with me and Spike. I’ll never ask you for your approval. But I won’t allow you to use me as a weapon to hurt him anymore.” I had kept my voice calm, but I felt like screaming at him. A soft knock at the door stopped my tirade…

“Spike, get out of my office,” Angel snarled.

To his credit, Spike ignored him and came to kneel in front of me. “I’m takin’ off. Got some errands to run. Are you going to be much longer here? The watcher and the Cheerleader want you in the training room.”

I looked up at Angel and narrowed my eyes. “I’m thinkin’ I’m almost through.”

“I’ll meet you back at the hotel then? Maybe for dinner?”

I smiled warmly at him. “Sounds wonderful.”

He stood up and looked at me seriously. “Did you bring a coat today, pet?”

“No,” I said confusedly.

He nodded toward the windows. I turned and looked. It was pouring rain. Silly L.A. weather. I hadn’t noticed. He slipped out of his duster and handed it to me. He ran his thumb down my cheek and across my lips. “I’ll take the diaries to the room. See you in a little bit, yeah?”

I nodded and watched him leave. I turned back to Angel. “I’ve never seen Spike give that coat to anyone before,” Angel whispered. He turned his eyes to me. “I don’t doubt that Spike cares about you, maybe even loves you. But I don’t and never will believe that you love him.”

“You arrogant son of a bitch.” I stood and strode to the door. “I’ll give you until a week after we come back. Fix everyone’s memory by then, or I’ll do it for you.” With that, I left.

When I got to the training room, the looks I received from Wes and Cordelia showed that my anger was written all over my face. “I need to go kill something.”

“You wish to patrol now?” Wesley asked me. “There’s still two hours until sunset.”

“Well, I’ll hit the storm drains then. There are always demons there. It was true for Sunnydale, it’s true in London and I’m guessing it’s true here. I just really need to beat the shit out of something and sparring isn’t going to cut it. ” I grabbed a large axe from the training room wall. “Anyone coming?”

It was almost four hours later when I trudged down the hotel hall to my room. We had run into a huge pack of Drakken demons and then there had been a group of four M’Fashnik. Cordy had held her own very well, taking out at least a third on her own, but what had really surprised me had been Wesley. He had been a gadget powerhouse, using crossbows to hold back enemies while Cordelia and I killed them. The three of us had made a great team. I couldn’t wait to have Spike join us. I was sure it would be amazing.

I was covered from head to toe in demon blood. I wanted a hot shower, a hot meal, and lots and lots of sleep. I was actually sore. It had been a great fight.

I opened the door to my room and was greeted by soft candlelight. There were little white tea lights on every flat surface. Lounging on the couch, waiting for me was my beautiful vampire lover.

He was dressed in a rich blue button down shirt and black dress pants. A few of the buttons on his shirt were undone and a stunning column of his pale chest was revealed. I stood in amazement and awe as this vision of masculine beauty unfolded itself from the couch and sauntered toward me. He had the grace of a jungle cat and in my minds eye, I could see the muscles moving under his clothes.

Without words, he took the demon goo covered axe from my hands and dropping it to the floor led me into the bathroom. The deep bathtub was filled with vanilla scented water and candles, once again on every surface. I turned to look at him with questioning eyes. “Thought you might want a bath, when you’re done, there will be something to wear on the bed. Get dressed and join me in the sitting room, luv.” His accent was slightly different. A touch more refined. I was guessing that, if I played my cards right, I would get to see more of this ‘William’ side. He was showing a lot of trust and I wasn’t going to disappoint him.

I sunk down into the warm water and sighed. God, it felt good. I could have spent hours, but then I would have to be away from Spike for far too long. After soaking a few minutes, I quickly washed my hair and all the sticky demon blood from my body. I had to run the water three times to rinse thoroughly. I pulled on the hotel bathrobe and dried my hair as quickly as I could. After plugging in my curling iron, I entered the bedroom.

Lying on the bed was a beautiful black dress with a folded piece of parchment on the top. I unfolded it carefully. In a beautiful script I had only seen once before, was a poem.

She comes home to me after a hard night's work
Falls in my arms and sleeps like a bird
Startle, wakes up, like she don't know me
Cocks back her fist like she's going to slug me
Like, who are you anyway
And what are you doing to me?

She's an angel
But she can't see it
She's got wings,
But she can't feel 'em
She's an angel
But she can't see it
But she's flying above me every day
Every day of my life

Bright diamond eyes with daggers beneath them
She carries the chains of a million decisions
They weren't even hers to begin with anyway
But she carries them all
All the people around her
Never even notice that she's very very tired

She's an angel
But she can't see it
She's got wings
But she can't feel 'em
She's an angel
But she can't see it
But she's flying above me every day
Every day of my life

I didn’t want to cry. Really! But it was beautiful and simple and yet funny and deep. It was just like Spike. I didn’t want to be all Crying Eyes Buffy when I met him in the living room, so I filed away my feelings on the poem to discuss with him later. I turned my attention to the dress. It was silky and short and stunning. I slipped it over my head and, of course, it fit like a well-tailored glove. Falling to mid thigh, the dress skimmed my curves perfectly. The back was a very low scoop held together by a few well-placed straps. I suspected they might be holding the whole dress up. I found a black lace thong on the bed and next to it, a delicate pair of strappy high heels. All I needed was to curl my hair and apply some light makeup and I would be all set.

When I emerged from the bedroom, I was surprised to see the coffee table and the couch had been scooted out of the way and a small dining table had been set up in their place. There were fancy plates heaped with steaming pasta and soft music was drifting through the air. Spike was standing over the table, fussing with the placement of the flatware. It was darling to watch him this nervous.

He looked up and froze. After a few moments and a quick, almost imperceptible shake of his head, he had recovered enough to say, “My God, kitten. You look stunning.”

“This dress is beautiful, Spike,” I whispered. “This is all so…amazing.”

“It pales in comparison to you, my love,” he murmured back, coming forward to take my hand. He led me to the table. He pulled my chair out and seated me. It was all so surreal.

After the pasta was gone and we had killed of almost an entire bottle of wine, Spike got to his feet and asked me to dance. I heard in the background strains of a dong I had always thought to be beautifully romantic. How had he known? Had I ever even told him?

‘It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."’

As we swayed about the room, I could hear Spike singing in his dulcet tones under his breath against my hair. I had never had man tender moments in my life, but I was sure if I lived until the end of time, I wouldn’t forget this one.

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."

I closed my eyes, my head tucked under his chin as I let his guide me through the room. I had no idea Spike could dance so well. Really, it made perfect sense, I had just never bothered to think about it before.

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."

At the end of the song, Spike took a deep shaky breath and got down on one knee. I’m sure the shock was visible in my face.

“Buffy, I know that there are things each of us have done in our past that we regret. To each other I mean. But I also know that the past two days have been the best of my life. Going to sleep and waking together. Seeing you throughout my day…not just a Slayer/helper mentality. Watching your eyes light up when you see me, best bloody thing I have ever seen. You have been my enemy, my friend, my lover, my savior, my judge, the thorn in my soddin’ side, my two hour fiancé, my Slayer, and now I want to ask to be something more.” He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and I gasped, my eyes growing wide while riveted to the object in his hand. “I want you to be my mate and my wife. Will you marry me, Buffy?”

He called me by my given name. Twice. He was really serious.

He opened the box to the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It was a stunning and large oval ruby with pear shaped diamonds pointing down the white gold band. I covered my mouth with my hand and searched his eyes. I wasn’t expecting anything like this. This was really what he wanted; I could see it shining through his eyes.

“Of course I’ll marry you, Spike,” I whispered, tears of joy sliding down my cheeks.

He slipped the proffered ring onto my finger and stood, kissing me softly on the lips. I could see the tears he was trying to blink away, and decided to distract him. Sorta. “This ring is beautiful,” I breathed against his mouth. He pulled back to look into my eyes.

It was my mothers.” My eyes widened and I looked back down at the ring. “I’ve kept it in a safety deposit box all these years, moving it when I moved, just waiting. I never gave it to Dru. Didn’t think it would be right. Mum wouldn’t have wanted that. But you…you feel like home.”

I looked up at him. “I know what you mean, but for me, it’s so much more. Not only do you feel like home, you feel like heaven too.”

He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, sitting me on the edge of the bed. He stared into my eyes. “Do you want to…I mean…can I…do I have to…” he nervously stammered.

“Are you trying to ask me if you can claim me now and not wait?” I asked, grinning. He looked relieved that I knew what he had been trying to say and then apprehensive as he anticipated my answer.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to, pet.”

I shook my head. “No, Spike. I want to be with you in every way possible I want you to make me yours.”

He smiled with barely restrained glee. “I have another surprise for you.”

I blinked at him. “Another one?” I ran a finger over his sharp cheekbone. “Okay, I’ll bite. What is it?”

He unbuttoned his right shirtsleeve and pulled it up. What I saw there made me grin wildly. On his inner forearm was a tattoo of a stake. On the stake in beautiful red script was one word. A name. ‘Buffy.’ “Oh my God, Spike!”

His eyes were full of hope and, though he hid it well, there was self-consciousness as well. People had worked tirelessly to put this insecurity into his head. I knew parts of it were my fault. And Angelus and Drusilla, and I was also betting that there was someone in his days as a human that had caused this. Spike had obviously built up this Big Bad persona to protect himself.

“Do you like it,” he asked worriedly.

I ran my fingers over the ink saturated raised skin. I smiled at him. “I love it, I just can’t believe you did it. When did you have time to do all of this?” I asked, gesturing widely, to the room and the door, hoping he understood I meant the whole planned evening.

He smiled happily at me. “Set up the candles before I left earlier. And remember how I told you I was gonna run errands? I got the Desoto out of storage, and was on my way to the bank to get the ring when I passed the tattoo place. Spur of the moment decision, pet.”

“Well, you always have been impulsive,” I purred, my voice low and seductive.

His eyes darkened and he growled at me. The sound shot straight to my core.

“Oooh, Spike, do it again,” I breathed.

He smirked at me and picked me up, tossing me to the middle of the bed. Shedding his clothes, he jumped on top of me, growling. I could feel the juices seeping through my panties. He ground his hard erection against me and the fabric of my dress became too much between us. I kicked the shoes from my feet as he slid the dress up and over my head. My skin was singing as he touched me, starting at my side and sliding up to cup my breast, his eyes never leaving mine. He leaned in to kiss me and I sighed into his mouth at the rightness of this feeling. I kissed him with fervor, a need that almost startled me.

“Spike…oh god…please!” he was gyrating against my clit and driving me insane. He reached down and tore the thong away from my body as he poised himself at my entrance.

“Is this what you need, baby?” he growled, sliding the tip of his rock hard penis up and down my cleft, covering it in my juices.

I wrapped my legs around him and tried to pull him closer and inside me. He didn’t budge, not that I was trying that hard, but he wanted me to say it and wasn’t going to give in until I did. “Yes, please Spike. I need you inside me,” I whimpered.

He slammed into me and I screamed my pleasure, surely waking everyone in the hotel that was sleeping. Spike chuckled as he began to move slowly inside me. I resisted the urge to flip us over and fuck him for all he was worth. This was Spike’s seduction and I would gladly play along. He swiveled his hips and his cock hit that amazing bundle of nerves that no one else had ever found. All conscious thought left me as I gasped and threw my head back. He started thrusting more wildly.

I thrust my hips up to meet him, squeezing my internal muscles making his eyes flash gold. Growling, he let his face shift.

“I love your human face.” He looked startled and started to shift back, stilling within me, but I shook my head. “No, just listen. I love your human face. You’re the most beautiful man I have ever seen. I have thought that since the very first time I saw you. Willow and I talked about it for hours afterwards. Then, when I saw you again at Parent Teacher night, and you were all grr, you were even more beautiful to me. You could smell me, so I’m sure you’ve always known I wanted you. It was your face I saw when I was…with Angel. It was the kisses we shared during Willow’s spell that sustained me while I was with Riley. You are everything my body knew I wanted when I was too stupid to let my head catch up. You are everything I never knew I always wanted…if that makes any sense at all and I’m just babbling now so you should really silence me by kissing me or som…”

And he did.

I let my tongue dart out and I licked his elongated teeth. He groaned and bucked his hips.

“Buffy, luv…I need…can I…” he strained.

I offered up my neck. “Make me yours, Spike. Please.”

He leaned down and licked my neck over the pulse point. He sucked hard to bring the blood to the surface as I thrust my hips at him. He bit down and took three long pulls of my blood and I shuttered in pleasure beneath him. “MINE,” He growled.

“Yours, Spike. Forever.” I leaned up a little and sunk my blunt teeth into my lover’s corded neck. I had to use all my jaw strength just to break his skin. I sucked his cool coppery blood into my mouth three times, letting it slide down my throat. “Mine,” I growled against his skin.

I could feel his cold seed bursting inside me as he roared, “Yours forever, Buffy. ‘ve always been yours.”

His orgasm triggered mine. As I came, I felt something snap into place, like the missing piece of the puzzle was finally found. I could feel Spike, not just his body around me, but I could feel him at the edge of my mind. Pictures and words raced through my head as I tried to make sense of it all. I concentrated and everything slowed down.

```````````````````````````````````
“Nice work, love.”
“Who are you?”
“You'll find out on Saturday.”
“What happens on Saturday?”
“I kill you.”

``````````````````````````````````````
“It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say.”
“Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth.”
“Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!”

````````````````````````````````````````
“You think we're dancing?”
“That's all we've ever done.”

`````````````````````````````````````````````
“I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's... Get your stuff. I'll be here.”

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“How long was I gone?”
“Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh ... hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?”

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“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you. You know I do.”
“Tell me you want me.”
“I always want you.”

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“You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man. And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike.”

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“You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine and done things I’d prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain so I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You’re the one, Buffy.”

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“I love you.”
“No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.”

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We both came out of our trance like state at the same time. I was crying. ‘Well,’ I thought to myself, ‘at least I didn’t have to relive all the horrible things I did to you.’ I didn’t want to say that out loud. It sounded so selfish. It’s not like neither of us knew they happened, but things were different now. I never wanted to think of those things again.

‘I know what you mean, pet. A fresh start, this is.” I heard Spike’s voice echo in my head.

‘Spike,’ I thought, ‘are you thinking at me?’

He chuckled aloud. “Yeah, pet. I told you some claimants could communicate telepathically. Think of all the mean things we can say about people and they won’t ever know.” He grinned down at me and brushed kisses across my eyelids. “And no one can ever break this claim. It’s eternal. We have forever to make up for all the bloody stupid things we’ve done and said to each other. Eternity to bask in our love.”

The hope that filled his cerulean eyes was so pure, so breathtaking. I could feel it, feel his emotions besides my own. It made me feel so complete, shooing away loneliness I never knew I had felt until I could feel someone else. I knew that I would never be alone again, and was humbled by it. Someone loved me so much, that I would never had to go through pain, happiness, anger…any of those things by myself again. Tears slipped from beneath my closed eyelids as the fear that every man would run away left for good. This man was different. So much more.

“I love you so much,” I whispered. “And I don’t think I have ever been this happy…and calm...and…protected and…” I looked to the ceiling trying to find the right words to express the wealth of emotions I was feeling when Spike lowered his supple mouth to mine.

“I know,” he breathed as he kissed me.

I hadn’t dreamt since the dreams I had of Spike. But I hadn’t dreamt of Sunnydale much since we had left. The people, sure, but not the town itself, per say. As I walked, my memories threatened to get the better of me. There was the Bronze. God, how much time had I spent in there over the years? I passed Restfield Cemetery and the high school, which in my dream had been returned to its former glory. My feet automatically turned toward The Magic Box. I walked through the door and everything looked as it had before Darth Willow, as I had named her in my head but never said aloud, had destroyed it. Tears sprang to my eyes as I saw the woman standing at the counter, although I wasn’t sure she had ever really been there in life.

“Mom?” I whispered.

She smiled at me and with a strangled cry, I ran to her, crushing her against me in a hug. She felt the same as she always had, even smelled the same. I pulled away and she smiled down at me. Then she spoke.

“It’s wonderful to see you, sweetheart. If you want to sit down with your guide, we’re still waiting for my charge.”

“My guide?” I said as I turned in the direction my mother had indicated. I smiled at the sight before me. “I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve been my guide before.”

“Couldn’t switch on you now. That wouldn’t be right.” The small smile on her face warmed my heart. I didn’t realize just how much I loved her until she was gone.

“Tara.” I hugged her as I went around back to sit down on the bench next to her. Seated at the table. It made me nostalgic. “Who are we waiting for?”

Tara nodded toward the opening shop door. A bookcase blocked my view and I leaned across the table to see. Then I realized I didn’t need my eyes to know who it was. The sound of the footsteps and the feeling up my spine were a bundle of tells as my lover clomped into the room.

“Slayer, am I in your dream?” Then his gaze fell on my mother. “Mum?” he asked softly, his voice breaking. She moved to embrace him. After a few moments, she steered him toward the table and sat him down. In all the times I had seen Spike here at the Magic Box, I had never seen him at the table. He had always sat on the counter, the stairs to the loft or just wandered about the store. We had never bothered to make him feel welcome, never made him feel like part of the Scoobies. He had only wanted to feel like he belonged, and we had never given him that. We were fools.

“So this is a Slayer type dream?” I asked.

My mother nodded. “Spike is now included since you two are eternally mated.” She smiled and winked at Spike. “Congrats.”

“So this isn’t going to be one of those horrible cryptic-warnings-that-take-me-a-week-to-figure-out-and-then-whatever-I-was-supposed-to-know-has-already-happened dreams?”

Tara smiled shyly at me. “Not this time. The message is too important. And long. It would take a very long tome to be cryptic about this. Would you like to begin Mrs. Summers?”

My mother smiled at the shy blonde and then turned back to us. “This is not only going to be hard to accept, but it’s going to be hard for me to even tell you. You’ll just have to listen to the whole thing before you jump to any conclusions or have any outbursts. Let’s just say, Buffy, that you never had the dreams about Spike and he never called to tell you he was alive. Do you know what would have happened?”

She paused and looked at me. I shrugged. I didn’t understand where this was going. Luckily, she just went on.

“Well, we do. Because it happened and a few months later, Angel instigated a battle that ended your world. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go, so the Powers rewound time back to the point where Spike was released from the amulet and sent you the dreams, Buffy. And since I know you,” she smiled softly at me, “I know you will want to know what happened in the other time.” She nodded to Tara.

“Buffy, before time was taken back you…well…how do I say this? Your depression was so great in the weeks after moving to London, without the dreams, you lost all hope. You crawled so far into yourself only Dawnie could reach you, and even then, you just weren’t you anymore. You took to wandering at night around London and one night, Dawn followed you.“ She fell silent and looked at my mom.

My mother continued the painful explanation. “Dawn was attacked, and you didn’t make it to her in time.” Tears slid down my face as she continued. “You lost what little will you had to live after that. You left London, wandering around Europe, mostly on foot until you reached Paris where you found an old enemy. Drusilla.”

Spike’s eyes widened comically and he turned to stare at me.

Tara took up the tale again. “You saw her in the lobby of a hotel as you walked by. There was something about her that drew you in. She reminded you of Spike so you…” She trailed off, averting her gaze to the floor.

“I what? Killed her?” I ventured. “Became her lover? Made her my new albeit crazy best friend?” Then it came to me. “I let her kill me,” I said softly.

Tara nodded sadly and I gave a melancholy chuckle. I nodded. “The worst part of this, other than knowing it did happen, is that it was happening already. I was wandering around London all night, alone…more often than not drunk. I was already retreating into myself.” I looked between the two guides. “I’m sorry. Please continue.”

“Giles notified Angel,” my mom continued, “And his grief, although he told no one else about your death, even Spike, was what led him to start a war with the senior partners. They unleashed a plethora of monsters onto this plane that Angel took on with two warriors, a fatally wounded human and himself. Everyone else on his team had already perished. Angel and the human were taken out in the first wave, and the two warriors went down a few hours after that. But now that you two are together, all that changes.”

“Well, mostly.” Tara said softly.

“What do you mean, Glinda?” Spike questioned.

“Angel will still start a war, just for a different reason. Jealousy. After watching you and Spike interact, he finally realizes that you have moved on and he starts a war to prove that he is a champion too.” Pompous ass. “And the horrible part for you,” Tara went on, “Is that you have to let him.”

“What? No!” Spike and I exploded at the same time. How could we just sit back and let something of this magnitude happen?

“Actually, you’ll be forced to make a series of choices,” my mother told us. “You could stake Angel now, and none of this would happen, or you can help him pick a fight.” My mate and I stared at her, dumbfounded.

“You see,” Tara said, “if you help Angel, you’ll get to take out a very dangerous group, thus potentially saving thousands of lives. And in the battle with the minions of the senior partners, once you defeat the third wave, if you can, you will be offered a choice. This one, if done right, could mend broken hearts and bring happiness to some very deserving people.”

“Well,” I scoffed, “I see we’ve moved on to the cryptic. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that neither of you are going to tell us what the choice will be and how to mend said hearts.”

The guides shook their heads simultaneously. Spike and I looked at each other, pained.

“We still have time, though, yeah? ‘Cause the Slayer and I have plans to go on holiday and it would be just like the blood wanker to bollocks up our plans.” My mother raised her eyebrows at him. He looked sheepish. “Sorry, mum.”

She smiled kindly at him. “It’s okay, dear. No, you have plenty of time to celebrate Christmas. You have a month or so before things get serious.” She laid a hand over mine. “I’m glad you’re doing something for Christmas. Dawn has been ready.”

I nodded slowly. “I know, but I haven’t been. After you died and I died and came back, I just didn’t want to, didn’t care really. Last year, well…dozens more people in the house, First evil, and no time. And I was heartbroken.” I felt a wave of confusion from Spike and saw the looks of understanding from the two women. I looked at my loving vampire. “You see, my pride and my fear allowed me to rob myself of a wonderful man who loved me dearly. Christmas would have just enforced that I was there without…being with him the way I wanted. To much need for forced cheer. But now…everything is different. I have something to celebrate again.” I winked at him and sent reassuring vibes through our bond.

“Have we given you two enough to think about?” Tara smiled slyly at us. We both nodded slowly. “Alright then.”

Spike and I woke at the same time, wrapped in each other’s arms, our eyes meeting quickly. “I guess you and I have a lot to think about,” I whispered.

He nodded solemnly. “I’m not sure I can bloody sleep after that.” He crawled from the bed. “I’m gonna get a drink. Wanna talk about all this or you gonna get some more kip?”

I looked at the clock. 9 am. Felt like it should have been earlier. “I’m awake.” I watched in appreciation as Spike, caring nothing for his nudity, stalked into the other room. Mmm, pretty.

I grabbed his dress shirt from the floor and put it on, buttoning half the buttons. Spike might love running around naked, but I wasn’t quite that comfortable in my own skin. I walked to the window and peeked out the curtains. Looking out over the city, other than the pollution, poverty and greed, you would never know that there would be a world-ending apocalypse here. But then again, where would one seem appropriate?

Spike walked back in and I hurriedly closed the curtains. Didn’t want to scorch my fiancé after all. My fiancé. Talk about surreal.

Spike sat down on the edge of the bed, tossing me a bottle of water and taking a long slow sip from his mug of blood. He regarded me carefully. “So Goldilocks, could you really just kill Angel, you think?”

Fair question. “Yes. Hell, I’ve done it before. Sacrificed Angel for the greater good. And that was when I loved him. I know I could do it now that I don’t. Of course, if we wait,” I rubbed my hand across m eyes, “we could mend broken hearts. That could mean uniting people that should be together. It’s gonna be a tough call.”

Spike nodded slowly. “Well I’ll go along with whatever you come up with, kitten.”

Shaking my head, I came to sit next to him. “No, you’re my mate and my partner.”

Spike smiled broadly at me. “Alright. We’ll suss it out together then. And I have to say pet,” he curled his tongue behind his teeth, “that is one of the sexiest things I have ever seen. You sitting there in my shirt. Bloody gorgeous, you are.”

As I leaned over to kiss his full sensuous lips, my cell phone rang. I groaned at the intrusion and grabbed it off the nightstand. “Yeah?” I answered, flipping it open.

“B?”

“Faith?” I asked, surprised.

“Sorry,” she said quickly. “I know it’s early, but you have trouble headed your way.”

I groaned inwardly. Damn. I was tired of trouble. There were eighteen hundred Slayers now, even if only five hundred were being trained. Couldn’t I have a little time off? “What kind?”

“Robin,” she said quietly.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

Spike slid closer to me to better hear Faith’s half of the conversation. “See, we were out patrolling and I was talking about how cool it was that both you and Spike defied death to be together and he just freaked.” While her voice had been vulnerable in the beginning, I could hear her building the defense walls of her tough girl persona and could tell when they clicked into place, her voice showing no emotion as she continued. “He rushed back to our apartment, loaded the car with weapons like he was rushing off to war, and is on his way to L.A as we speak. He was ranting about how murderers and vampire whores can cheat death while his mother couldn’t. I told him Spike would kill him, but he just didn’t care. I aid you guys deserved some happiness. He didn’t want to hear it. I said if he walked out, it was over, but he’s heading your direction none the less.” I heard her voice catch a little on the last sentence and at the wash of sympathetic feelings I got from Spike, I knew he had heard it too.

After a quick telepathic conversation, my mate and I came to a decision. “Faith, all the Scoobies plus some brand new friends are going to England for Christmas. What say you we send a nice contingent of SITs to watch the Cleveland Hellmouth and you come celebrate with us?”

“Really?” Her insecurity rang through in her voice.

“Of course.” I smiled at the phone. “It’s been a long time since we spent a Christmas together. Seems like a lifetime ago.”

I could hear her perk up at the prospect of being a part of something again. After making the arrangements with her, I hung up and called Giles, arranging for six Slayers to be guarding the Hellmouth so Faith could have some time to heal. It was obvious that behind her carefully constructed mask and platitudes against love, that was exactly what she had found with Robin. But to him, his vendetta was more important than her. Of course, if anyone understood that emotional wounds took longer than physical wounds to heal it was I. It was always better to do so with friends rather than completely alone.

Other thoughts chased through my head as I looked at the closed phone in my hands. I had other preparations to make as long as I was up, but by god, I could do them in bed. I crawled under the covers and lay on my side, propped up on my elbow to call a friend. Spike lay down next to me, arms wrapping around my waist. “Hello?”

The melodious voice of one of my new best male friends filled the phone. I ran commentary to Spike in my head, since he was listening anyway. “Jason? I need a favor.”

“Buffy,” he purred. “Tell me that this favor is sexual in nature.”

‘Don’t worry, baby,’ I thought to my mate. ‘He flirts with everything that’s female. It’s more habit than personal.’

“Jason!” I said aloud. “Focus for a minute and quit giving me shit! I need you to find something for me to give the Master of London as tribute for safe passage for a vampire.”

‘Know and awful lot about vampire customs, don’t you, pet?’ He smiled up at me. ‘Why haven’t you Council lot taken the Master out yet?’

‘He doesn’t hunt,’ I answered in my head. ‘He has a harem of willing female blood donors that he compensates very well and he keeps the vampire turnings to a minimum. He keeps the vamps under control, so we let him. Of course, if we come across a fledge, we kill them, we just don’t go after Cyan himself.’

“Why don’t you just give him what he really wants?” Jason asked suggestively.

I snorted. “I’m not sure my mate would appreciate me tapping a vein for some random five hundred year old vampire.” Spike grinned up at me. “Can’t you just find something for me? Come on, Jason! You’re my furry link to the London vamp scene!”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, baby. Cyan’s been trying to get a drink of me too, which, as long as he will take it bagged and drawn at the hospital, I will gladly provide. But, there is a price, Buffy.”

I smiled, shaking my head. “And what might that be?”

I could hear Jason grinning. The boy would grin his way all the way to hell. “First, you have to introduce me to your mate. Anyone that can make Buffy Summers actually sound happy, since you haven’t been once since I met you, is someone I need to meet. That’s the first condition. The second is you come to our gig New Years Eve. We’re playing at Guilty Pleasures and before you ask, no one is stripping that night so Dawn can come. I’ve had it approved,” he finished smugly.

He had covered the Dawn aspect so I wouldn’t say no. Little did he know, I wouldn’t have said no anyway. They, the band, had become my friends no questions asked. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The lead singer, Ryan and his girlfriend, Hope, didn’t care for me at all. But Oz, Jason, and Nathaniel were my pals.

“Of course we’ll be there. You know I never miss a gig if I’m in town. I can’t wait for you to meet Spike. I think you two will get along great, since you both seem to enjoy yanking people’s chains. You both have that intense habit of pushing your luck. Is Nathaniel there with you by chance?”

Jason sighed audibly. “He left a few minutes ago. Right after I said the word ‘mate.’ I told you I thought he had a crush on you.”

Spike growled.

“I know. I guess I should have believed you. But, if you remember, I made it clear to all of you when we met that I was only interested in friendship and not dating or relationships. Now, I will admit I have some feelings for Nathaniel. Fuzzy friend type feelings and attraction since he is the second most beautiful man I’ve ever met in my life. But it’s nowhere near what he needs or deserves. He’s going to find someone, Jason. The right someone. But it won’t be me. I love Spike. You all knew that. Hell, you were the one that bought the bar a round and toasted his bravery after I told you our tragic little story. Even if he hadn’t magically resurrected, I would have in no way been ready for a relationship. Not for a damn long time,” I said strongly.

“You’re right,” Jason said softly. “You did warn us. And I’m sure he didn’t mean for it to happen. Somewhere between drinking in the bar and you saving him from a cruel and vamp death a few times, he kinda got a yen for you. Can’t really blame him…” Jason finished with a chuckle. I shook my head. This guy could never be serious.

I asked that he pass along the message to Cyan. I didn’t want him to sense Spike’s obvious power and have him attacked if he was seen as a threat. I trusted Jason to do as I asked. He may be a pest, but he was my friend and I knew he would never let me down.

I hung up the phone. So, now not only did we have Angel and an apocalypse coming, but not we had to worry about Robin Wood and his pathetic vendetta, a wereleopard upset with me in London, and then the promise of a choice we had to make that would affect the entire world. Couldn’t we go a year without a major battle? Seriously. I had thought with five hundred Slayers working for the Council, I would get the chance to take a vacation. I’d never retire, not really, fighting was in my blood and it always would be, but I wouldn’t have said ‘no’ to a long break.

I didn’t want to get back off the bed. I wanted to lay there forever encircled by the arms of my lover, but if I left Wesley to train Cordy today, Lord knows he would use one of those Wolfram and Hart automated training programs and regardless of what he said, they were no substitute to a real fighter taking you through the motions. I stretched and looked down at Spike. He was watching me with an amused look on his face. He obviously had followed the train of thought, or at least the part where I would rather stay with him than leave. I wasn’t sure if I was that transparent to him or if I had been projecting my thoughts unconsciously. Didn’t really matter though. It was nice to have a mate so attuned to me.

“Gonna go train the Cheerleader, pet? Do the bloody sacred duty?” He grinned at me.

“I guess I should,” I cocked my head to the side in a fair imitation of the vampire with me. “You mentioned you have your car?” He nodded. “Well, then. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll train Cordy a bit and then sneak off to do some Christmas shopping for Dawn and the gang. Sound okay?”

He smiled widely at me. “Like a real normal couple? That’s a boatload of manly responsibility.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You up for it?”

He lowered his voice to a low rumble. “I’m always up for you, baby.”

I giggled as he pounced on top of me.

“Don’t be such a baby, Spike,” I exclaimed. “I’m driving a whole fifty feet. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Spike groaned. “It’s my baby! No one drives her but me.”

I scoffed. “And driving it to the door so you can jump in without becoming Kentucky Fried Vamp isn’t a good enough reason? Hell, it will be half mine after you marry me anyway!”

Spike stared into my eyes. “Say that again.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Which part specifically?”

He wrapped his arms around me and leaned his forehead against mine. “You know what part.”
I grinned at him. “The part where after the whole ‘The World is Gonna end’ fiasco you’re going to marry me? Make an honest woman of me in the eyes of the human law?” I kissed him softly. I could feel his body tremble as he tried to refrain from taking more. I looked up into his lust darkened eyes. “So, are you going to let me pull the car up, or are we going to stand here in the hotel entryway all day?” I asked sarcastically.

He handed me the keys.

…

I watched as Cordy and Spike were sparring, arms crossed and walking in a circle around them, giving them a wide berth, so as no to get caught in the crossfire. Watching Spike fight has always been a guilty pleasure. He was slender and lithe, which was very deceptive. I know I had underestimated him the first time we fought and I knew Angel still had, at least, until they had fought for the cup. I didn’t want Cordelia to make the same mistake about her opponents and be taken down off guard. As they turned and punched and kicked, I had to remind Spike not to hold back. I could sense his hesitation through our bond and I could see it in his movements. Minute, but it was still there. ‘She’s a Slayer,’ I reminded him telepathically. ‘She can take it. She needs to be prepared to face amazing fighters and you holding back won’t teach her anything. You are the best, that’s why I trained with you. Now let go and show it!’

He whirled to face me. “Okay, Slayer. Let’s see you do it while I’m talking in your head. Right distracting, you are.”

I smiled sweetly at him.

…

“Get back here, you bleached menace! I’m gonna stake you if I ever get my hands on you” I screamed as I chased his flapping duster through Wolfram and Hart’s lobby. Three days until our vacation and this is the kind of stunt he pulls?

“Yeah, luv, that’ll make me stop bloody running!” he quipped over his shoulder. He leaped up the stairs and stood on the railing of the balcony as I screeched to a stop on the floor below him. “Oi! Come on, Slayer! That the best ya got?” He smirked down at me.

Fred and Lorne came running from the direction of the elevators as I growled up at my mate. “What’s going on Buffykins?” Lorne simpered.

I noticed the two standing next to me for the first time. I flushed with embarrassment.

“Go on, Goldilocks. Tell your mates why you’re chasing me about, screaming like a soddin’ banshee.” He smirked at me. He didn’t think I’d do it.

He thought wrong.

I turned to Lorne and Fred and whispered, “We were having a quickie in the supply closest and the evil fiend stole my underwear!” We looked up at the vampire in question. He grabbed my thong from his back pocket and, grinning like a Cheshire cat, spun it around his finger. We all burst out laughing, including Spike.

“Of course, he’s not the only one with collateral.” I pulled the keys to the Desoto out of the pocket of my jacket. I watched with amusement as he fumbled through his pockets of his duster, like the keys I was taunting him with weren’t really the keys to his car. He came up empty. He jumped down with preternatural grace to land in front of me.

Quirking an eyebrow at me, he asked, “Wanna trade?”

“Let me think…panties or a car…what shall I do?” I winked at him and strode to the elevator. I glanced over my shoulder to see that Spike hadn’t moved. “Coming?” I asked.

…

We had been training hard the past few days and I was more than convinced Cordy could hold her own against any vamps or demons that had an issue with her. She would study meditation and demon lore with Giles for a few weeks and then come back to L.A. Wesley and I had discussed the Slayer dream slightly and we had both assumed we would need backup and all need to leave L.A. when this was all over, whichever way it went down. He would be receiving a house and a car from the Council, just like Cordy. Although I was going to try to convince Fred to leave with us when the time came whether or on she and Wes got together, I thought it would be better to ask closer to the time when we needed to leave.

I hadn’t exactly told Wesley the whole dream. Just that there was a slight apocalypse coming, but we would have the chance to stop it once it was initiated. I didn’t want to tell him that his boss and friend was the one who would start it all. How do you tell someone that anyway?

We had been training for a few hours. It was late and Spike and I had been teaching Cordy to fight with the scythe. She was eager to go out and test it on the unsuspecting demon population. We headed toward the elevator in the lobby, not talking, so as not to disturb the silence that had settled over the building. It wasn’t often, but sometimes, at night when we left and all was quiet, you could almost forget that it was an interdimensional evil law firm. You could almost pretend it was any old building.

As we neared the lobby, I felt a wave of alarm from Spike. I grabbed Cordy’s arm and motioned for her to be silent as we turned and regarded my lover. His eyes had a hardened glare and he cocked his head to the side, as if listening to things neither Cordy nor I could hear.

‘What is it?’ I thought to him. I could really see where this whole telepathic stuff would come in handy.

‘Vampires. Two. One is the Great Poof himself, but there’s another. Familiar, possibly family. Not Dru though.’ Spike was thinking short disconjointed thoughts. I caught the meaning though. Angel was in the lobby with someone and we may have a fight on our hands. The Aurulian family was renowned for it’s powerful vampires.

As quietly as we could, we crept to the corner and peaked around, down the stairs to assess the situation. Angel and another dark haired vampire. “Lawson,” I heard Spike breathe.

I turned to him with questioning eyes, but he inclined his chin, indicating I should follow his gaze. Tethered to a beam that ran across the ceiling by a thin gauge wire were Fred, Wesley and Gunn. They were standing on rolling office chairs, gagged, with the expanse of wires about their necks.
This ‘Lawson’ was standing in front of them, his back to his captives, facing Angel. And he was monologing! A sure sign that the bad guy thought he had the upper hand.

I grabbed the scythe from Cordelia and motioned for Spike to give me a lift up onto the beam that ran over our heads all the way across the lobby. ‘Go distract them so I have enough time to discreetly cut the wires,’ I thought to my mate. I crept along the beam and stole a glance back down at my vampire. He was crouched on the floor and animatedly whispering to Cordy. Making a plan of attack, I surmised. I tried to pay attention to what the new vampire was doing. I needed to be aware of his position so he couldn’t hurt anyone before I had time to cut the wires. If I hurried and hacked them, he could hear it and kick the chairs from under one of my friends and behead them.

I concentrated on his voice. It was pleasant and I wondered momentarily what he had been like before he died, something I had been doing a lot lately.

“We all need a reason to live, even if we're already dead. Mom, apple pie, the stars and stripes. That was good enough for me till I met you. Then I had this whole creature-of-the-night thing going for me. The joy of destruction and death and I embraced it. I did all the terrible things a monster does, murdered women and children, tortured fathers and husbands just to hear 'em scream, and through it all... I felt nothing. Sixty years of blood drying in my throat like ashes. So what do you think? Is it me, chief? Or does everyone you sired feel this way?”

I edged along the beam until I made it to the first wire…Wesley’s. I used the scythe to begin sawing through it. I didn’t want the cut wire to fall to soon and let Lawson know what was going on. I just hoped Spike would hurry.

I didn’t have long to wait.

“Yeah, Captain Forehead isn’t the best of mentors, is he, Sailor Boy?” Spike glided down the stairs, his duster sweeping out behind him dramatically. Cordelia followed silently in his wake, trying her best to look meek and not like the qualified killer she was. She kept her eyes trained on everything but the hostages. No one wanted to spook him into murdering them.

“Well, hello Spike,” Lawson said amiably, turning to fully face the blonde vampire. “I never expected to see you again.” He peered curiously between Spike and Angel. “And I certainly never expected to see you here, with him after he threw us off that submarine.”

Wesley’s wire fell and Lawson didn’t notice. Wes looked up at me in surprise. I put a finger to my lips and mouthed to him not to move. I scooted to Fred’s wire and started sawing at it, keeping my eye on the goings on beneath me.

Spike cocked his head to the side. “Things change, Sailor Boy. Peaches and I fight on the same side now.” Spike smirked at his grandsire. “Well, pretty much, anyway. And as much as I enjoy seeing his misery, those are my friends, too and I can’t bloody well let you kill them.”

Lawson shrugged. “They’re just humans, chief. Why do you care about them?”

Spike stalked around the edge of the room, nearer to Angel, drawing Lawson’s attention away from his hostages. “Because there is a bloody easier way to live your unlife than running about alone for sixty years. You have to find people to connect with. Friends. You need to be part of something. Without that, you’re right. You don’t feel a soddin’ thing.”

Fred’s wire was finished and I moved on to Gunn’s. To their credit, they hadn’t moved a muscle to draw Lawson’s attention and Spike was keeping him busy with insight, like he had done to me and the Scoobies so many times. I was almost through Gunn’s wire. I knew I could have quickly chopped through it, now that I was at the end, but I wanted them to have the chance to get away before anything resembling a fight happened. The wire snapped and I jumped down from the beam, landing gracefully behind the unaware vampire.

He whirled around, hearing me land. I ushered Fred, Wes, and Gunn into Angel’s office, my eyes never leaving the chocolate brown ones of the vampire in front of me. “Hi,” I said softly. “I’m Buffy.”

His eyes widened in confusion and to my surprise he answered. “Lawson.”

“Well, Lawson, if you have an issue with Angel, join the club, and I’m sure we’re all okay with you formally challenging him. But my sense of honor, and I’m sure Spike’s as well, is affronted by the hostage taking. Where’s your sense of fair play?”

He looked at me like I was insane.

Angel tried to catch my eye. “Buffy, you’re a Slayer. Aren’t you going to slay him?”

I shook my head slowly. “This is your fight, Angel. You turned him and he’s obviously pissed at you for it. I’m not going to get in the way of his revenge. I would want revenge on the person that turned me too. This is your deal.” I said that not only to Angel, but to let Spike and Cordy know that I didn’t want them to interfere. In Lawson’s eyes, I could see a multitude. Inner pain and strength, yes, those were there, but I could also see he hadn’t come here to win. He came here to die. To be killed by his sire. I grabbed a stake from my back pocket and handed it to him.

Spike came to stand by me. When he put his arm around my waist I knew he could tell too. These were the last moments of Lawson’s unlife.

The young vampire looked between the two of us. “Is this what you found to make unlife worth living?” He gestured to me.

“She’s part of it, yeah. Makes my world Technicolor, she does. But it’s not just her. I love her sister as if she was my own and I have friends, kinda. Makes life worth living. You haven’t learned that in sixty years? You’ve been wanderin’ about since we parted ways on the beach without ever takin’ a lover or belonging to a group? Bloody sad, that is. Tell you what. When you dust Peaches, we’ll discuss you fighting with us. Give you a soddin’ purpose, it will. But right now, you have a vendetta to settle.”

Lawson nodded slowly and turned to face a somber Angel, who stood with his own stake, I assume provided by Cordy. She came to stand with us, on the other side of Spike. We all knew she still had feelings for Angel, even though she would never act on them. She and I had discussed it after training a few nights ago. She was angry and disappointed in him for what she called the “evil empire debacle.” I felt like there was something else. Something she wasn’t ready to tell me. I could wait. After all, I had a lot of time.

Spike casually put his arm around my fellow Slayer’s shoulders in a silent show of support. I glanced over at her. She looked grim and worried. I wished I cold tell her in that moment that Lawson was going to lose, but then she would have had me explain that look. That look of someone that was ready to die. And Lawson was. I wasn’t ready to explain that. Maybe Spike could give her that lesson. After all, he had been the one to tell me.

Angel and Lawson circled each other slowly. Lawson lunged, kicking the stake from the larger vampire’s hand. For mere seconds, it looked like Lawson had the upper hand, but Angel beat him back. Grabbing the hand in which the younger vampire held the stake, Angel turned it and angled it back toward Lawson’s chest. The two combatants locked eyes as the sire slowly inched the stake towards his childe’s heart. Lawson’s arms shook was he tried to keep the wood from his chest, but Angel was just too strong. The sailor exploded into dust.

“So, Sailor boy finally came back for a yo-ho-ho,” Spike snarked.

Angel turned to look at him. “Finally did.”

“Hey, Angel?” I peeked my head into his office. Everyone was waiting in the parking lot downstairs. This was the last stop on the way to the airport. In a few hours, this country would be behind us.

“Yeah,” Angel said slowly.

“While we’re gone, a man will probably come looking for us. Name’s Robin Wood. Black, little shorter than you, bald, earrings. He’s lookin’ to kill Spike. You can send him in our direction if you’d like. I just wanted you to be aware.”

Angel nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”

…

The sun had barely set when we made our way across the LAX parking lot. I stopped at a bench right outside the doors. Everyone else stopped to stare at me uncomprehendingly. All but Willow. She had been there after all.

“What’s wrong, luv?”

I ran my hand over the seat of the bench and looked at him. “I was sitting here when I realized you were really dead. I came out here with Faith. She wanted a smoke. I was sitting here and I just broke down. It really hit me. I think I was still expecting you to just saunter around a corner and all would be right with the world again.” I smiled sadly at the memory. “So Willow came out and held me in her arms as I sobbed and Faith gave me a cigarette to calm my nerves, thus starting me down my road of debauchery.”

Spike poked out his lips in a sensuous pout. “I thought I did that,” he whined.

We all chucked at him and entered the airport, heading for our private jet. There were definite perks to all this Council business. The jet wasn’t huge, but it would comfortably seat about twenty people. There were seats clumped together like couched without the separating arms and some of them faced each other over little tables. It was like every plane I had ever seen in FBI movies that the agents used to get around the country.

We all clamored in and settled into our seats. Willow grinned at me. “So, you must have felt like a rock star on your way here. All alone on the plane.”

I giggled at her. “Oh, come on. I wasn’t alone. There were two pilots apparently, but I only saw them when I got on and off the plane!”

After take off, we all unbuckled and milled about the cabin. When the men decided to start discussing the merits of Manchester United, Cordy, Willow, Fred and I move to the other end of the plane. “So, ladies,” I said quietly, “we have a mission on this trip.” They all turned, various emotions on their faces, confusion and excitement at the forefront. “We have to get Fred and Wesley together.”

Fred’s eyes grew impossibly wide. She stole a glance at Wes, who was still talking animatedly. His eyes caught hers and he gave her a soft smile. She ‘eeped’ and turned her panicked eyes back to me.

“No, Buffy, please,” she pleaded.

I looked at her with amusement. “Come on, Fred. I’d never do anything to actually embarrass you. I was thinking more along the lines of a nice Christmas Eve party. Perhaps something slightly formal. We can all get dressed up. It could be so much fun. We’ll get you all made up and see if Wes can keep his tongue in his mouth.” I waggled my eyebrows at her, just like Spike would have.

Even while the other two were nodding their agreement, Fred looked terrified. Willow patted her hand comfortingly. “Don’t worry,” she said softly. “It’s not like we’ll tell anyone that that’s what it’s for! It’s just a party, and if he notices the hotness of you, well, that’s just a bonus. But Buffy’s right.” She winked at me. “”It’s time to see if there’s anything between you. You owe it to yourselves to see if you can fall in love and glean any happiness from this life. If you wait to long, it might be too late entirely.”

We each bowed our heads a little, thinking of our fallen couples. Giles lost Jenny. Willow lost Tara. Spike lost me and then I lost him. Xander lost Anya. And we didn’t know it yet, but Cordelia was thinking about someone special that she had lost. But Willow and I both knew that even after failed relationships, even after we thought our hearts had been torn from our bodies, leaving holes so big they burned and we thought they would never be filled again, both of us had reclaimed our love.

Fred finally agreed to our plan.

…

It was dark at Heathrow when we landed. The time difference always weirded me out.

Both Oz’s vehicle and mine were parked next to each other in the short-term lot. “Funny,” I heard his say quietly. “I distinctly remember getting a ride to the airport.”

I grinned at him. “Jason?” I asked knowingly. He nodded. “Yeah. I’m guessing he’s the one that delivered the cars. He’s all cool like that.”

We loaded the suitcases that would fit into the trunk of my car and put the rest of the luggage into Oz’s Land Rover. It had belonged to the Council, but I had given it to Oz. He made better use of the space in the back of the vehicle than we would have. He used it to haul most of his bands equipment around and sometimes, when we needed him, he would load it with weapons and go with us to take out huge nests of demons. The boy could wield a crossbow with the best of them, no doubt about it.

Spike, Wesley, and I piled into my car. There was a note taped to the steering wheel. I read the note aloud.

Buffy,

Took Dawn to your lovely place of residence. You never told me you had a castle! And I thought we were friends! I’m very disappointed in you. Think of all the awesome parties we could have had. Selfish little brat.

You never told me what time you expected to be back, so after work, I’ll head over and sit with your sis until someone shows up. Wouldn’t want her sitting out there all by her lonesome, a tasty treat like her! Don’t worry about going home for anything. Dawn and I hauled all your belongings out already this week. She said something about needing to make room for all Andrew’s Star Wars memorabilia.

We also stocked up on food, but you needn’t worry. It wasn’t me being generous. I wheedled the money from Giles. There’s also blood in the fridge.

(Just in case I’m not there when you get there.)

See you in a bit,

Jason (the werewolf of your fantasies)

P.S. took care of the whole Cyan thing. You should be fine.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Say what you will about Jason’s flirting, but the boy is nothing if not thorough.”

As we drove through the beautiful snow covered countryside, the Ramones playing on the radio, I fixed Wesley in my sights via the rear view mirror. “So, Wes,” I began jovially, “tell me how you feel about Fred.”

He gaped at me, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “Well…I…uh...”

“Now don’t be all British about it!” I giggled. “Either you dig her, or you don’t. It’s not a hard question.”

Spike turned and smirked at his fellow Brit. “Better answer her, mate. The Slayer gets a mite brassed off when someone doesn’t answer her.”

I could hear Wesley sit up straighter in his seat. “I have loved her for as long as I have known her. Maybe even before. I would give anything to be with her, but she has always chosen others. First, she wanted Angel, she dated Gunn and then Knox. She just doesn’t feel that way about me.” The last part was said with despair.

“Well, I guess it’s pretty handy then that you, Mr. Wyndam-Pryce, that you were the topic of conversation for at least half of the plane trip here. We’re going to have a nice formal Christmas Eve party to see if we can’t get you two crazy kids together. No telling Fred I let you in on the secret though. And, do me a favor, Wes?”

He furrowed his brow. “What would that be, Buffy?”

“No tweed suits.”

Wesley blushed and Spike snickered.

I raised an eyebrow at him. “That goes for you too, Randy.”