Prologue

The amulet had burned most of the Turok-Han to ash, clearing the cavern for the new Slayers. The girls who had survived, were led by Faith up the dusty sandstone steps, running for the rendezvous point outside the school.

Buffy was running to her former lover, her current more-than-friends friend, her heart burning as it sped up--she knew that not even in all his strength that Spike could survive that shaft of light the amulet was running through his body. Part of her wished that she'd never gotten the damn thing from Angel; part of her knew that for Spike, this was the redemption that he so seriously needed. Some crazy other part of her thought that maybe if she could tear it off of him, she could drag his sorry ass up the stairs and away to safety.

All of that came to her in just a few seconds.

Precious seconds she knew she's never get back, for when she stood in front of him, blood seeping out of the wound in her belly, scrapes here,there, and all over her body, she saw his face and she knew.

Spike was going to die.

And he was calm about it.

Reverently calm about it.

Her hand clasped his and her breath shook out of her lungs. He was cold and hot all at the same time, even with the fire pouring out onto her. Their hands ignited into a bright orange flame, symbolizing the mighty flame that surrounds the phoenix as it dies and then is born anew. But he wasn't coming back from this one.

He smiled down at her, and something changed. Suddenly she felt it now, all the love he had wanted to give her, all in that moment, came rushing at her like a Mac truck. "I can feel it, Buffy."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, leaving streaks in the dirt, "What?"

Spike looked wistfully across the cavern, "My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings." He looked at her then, not through her, "Go on then."

She thought to herself, he is not going to die alone, as the vast cave continued to collapse around them. Snagging the amulet, she cursed and pulled her hand back to her mouth as though she was burned. His eyes were clearly filling with tears now, and not from the rictus of pain he was in. "Go, Buffy!"

She wrapped her other hand around his neck and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. Pulling away,she turned his head down to look at her. "I love you, William." With those magic words, just as quick as she had ruined him the year before, it all came back to him.

He whispered,"I know, Slayer. You always have, you're just too daft to pay attention."

Her other hand rested on his cheek for just one moment, and pulled the other to run away, and realized that was stuck. She was going nowhere, as if they were fused together at the hands. Panic filled her then, "I don't want to die again, Spike!" Her chest heaved as she sobbed, "Dawnie...." Her sister was going to be alone again.

He pulled her close as they both cried. "It'll be alright, Buffy. We'll just relax for a little...." He lost his voice and closed his eyes, choking back all the frustration at the situation. The burning was starting to take them over, consuming them.

She was screaming then, and he held her tighter. "Don't leave me Spike! I don't want to be alone!"

The only thing he could think of was what pain she must have been feeling right then. She looked up and he looked down; he then kissed her and the fire took them both.


Chapter One: Pain

The patch was rubbing on his area around the socket, driving him nuts. Of course it could have been the moisture from the other eye driving him nuts. He wasn’t sure. Wiping his eye, he looked out in the horizon, staring at nothing. In his hand he clutched a photo of Willow, Buffy, and himself. And he was crying like a big girl. He was missing his girls, Buffy and Anya. Groaning, he rose from his perch on a wall, when he heard someone coming.

“Xander?” It was Will.

“I’m coming.”

She reached out for his hand, sweaty and cold, to hold is in her warm, sure one. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

It had been nineteen days since they lost them. Buffy, Anya, the Potentials-turned-slayers, and the Bleached-One-Who-Thought-It’d-Be-Cool-to-Save-the-World. They were all mourning. In fact, today was the service that they scheduled at the mouth of Hell, for their loved ones and friends. And the sad thing? At all of Buffy’s funerals, only these same people ever came.

That was because others didn’t know. Of the sacrifices. The love. The pain.

But all these people here knew. They knew it as well as they knew how to breathe.

They had lost ones they loved more than anything.

“Shall we begin?” Giles began.
********


They all had decided to meet Angel in the evening of the service at the hotel he owned before they boarded a red eye for London. He couldn’t come to the service, due to the sun allergy, but he wanted to say goodbye to all of them before they left.

Recently, he had taken control of the L.A. branch of Wolfram and Hart, and everyone was wary of that choice. Except for Xander, who had contempt for him anyway.

As he pulled up, he noticed the group standing outside. They all looked so lost. His eyes went immediately to the sister of his former love, leaning against the front door, a ghost of the vibrancy that he remembered. The pain that his soul was tearing up inside was almost too much to bear, but he was stoic, and he would continue to be until he was away from these heroes. So they could go on.

Angel walked up to Dawn, wrapping his arms around her. “Dawn.”

She looked up at his face, the faraway look leaving her for a moment. “Angel, hi.” She felt slack in his arms, almost robotic, like she was in a fog. “We had the service today. It was nice. You should have been there.”

Inwardly, he grimaced. “I’m glad. How are you?”

She pulled back, wiping back a tear from her right eye that had fallen almost without control. “I’m good. We’re going to London.”

His hand went to cup her cheek, “I know. Do you want to come inside for a few minutes before you leave and rest?”

“Sleep is highly overrated.” She giggled a little, before the somber look came back to her. “But if you have something diet to drink I’ll take that.”

“Sure.” He turned to the group and motioned for them to head inside as he unlocked the doors.

Remembering a box he had left in the car, he headed back and grabbed it, following the last of them in. Angel walked over to the counter, setting it there, forgotten as he looked to his guests.

As he headed for the fridge, Giles followed. “Angel. How are things here? Nothing….remarkable happening, I hope?”

The vampire turned around after grabbing the soda. “No, nothing. You seemed to have taken the brunt of the battle. I have my best team working on the possible counter attacks. As far as we know, the majority of the damage stayed in Sunnydale, except for a little incident in Modesto involving a group of Bringers.”

At the sound of their name, Giles looked slightly alarmed in the British way of his. “Did-were there any casualties?”

Angel shook his head, and walked into the lobby. The group was teeming with more energy than they had seemed to have before they came in. People were talking, well, some people were. Xander and Willow sat next to Dawn, who stared at a chair ahead of her. “Dawn. Your drink.”

“Oh hey, thanks Angel.” She held it in her hand a moment, before opening it and taking a small drink.

He turned to the rest of his visitors. “If there’s anything you all need, the fridge is there, the rooms should have working showers in them, and there’s cable. And, if anyone needs to call anyone, the phones will work.”

A brunette girl who was standing behind Willow spoke first. “You’re Angel.”

He nodded. “Sorry, yes. I keep forgetting that I didn’t meet some of you in the hospital. You are?”

Placing a hand mockingly on her chest, she replied. “I’m Kennedy.”

“Welcome Kennedy. Was there something special you needed?”

Willow put her hand on her arm. “Nope, just wondering where the tinglies were coming from, and you confirmed it. Vamp.” The last word she almost spat out.

At once, Angel realized that he was going to be on guard with this one. “Yes?”

The door to the hotel came open and in walked the second of the two Slayers who touched his life. “Hey Kennedy, did you have something to say?” Faith walked in and stared down the other slayer. Kennedy looked taken back a bit. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Good.” She sauntered up to Angel, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him by the ear. “Hey big guy.”

He looked down at her a almost cracked a smile. “Hey.”

She walked over and stood by the trio of mourners, like she was guarding them. Her thumbs were in her belt loops and she was at the ready.

Angel turned back to the box of mail he had brought form the office. Pulling out files Harmony thought he’d need, he rummaged until he came across a bulky manila envelope addressed to him, care of Wolfram and Hart. Watching the group, he tore it open, flipping out onto the floor a familiar little bauble.

Wind roared from it, panicking the crew in front of him. Fire, ashes, and smoke swirled, forming into the silhouette of someone, or something. And then it materialized.

It was…..Spike.

And with a roar from the depths, he announced his resurrection to the world.

A/N I am in need of a new beta, if you guys know of someone, let me know at j.coder@mchsi.com . Thanks! Randie

Chapter Two: Wake Up Screaming

Dawn was on the floor—literally. She had collapsed the minute she realized that Spike was standing less than two feet from her. In the confusion, she was forgotten for only a moment, as all the people in the room were rushing around each other, trying to figure out how the dead hero was here.=

Then he saw her. “Dawn?”

Her usually pale face was almost gray, her eyes shut. “She fainted?” He rushed to her side, landing on his knees and pulling her to his chest. “Bit. Love?” He shook her a little, being careful not to damage her in any way. “Bugger!” He looked up at everyone, “What the bleeding hell is happening here?”

Angel recovered from his shock. “Spike. How are you here? You di—“ he was cut off with an elbow in the stomach from Willow.

“What do you mean, ‘Why am I here?’ I have no fucking clue, An-gel.” He stressed the last part. “All I remember was fire, and her screaming—Oh God! Where is she?” His head darted from side to side, looking through the throng for her. “Buffy?”

No one moved.

No one said a word.

“Buffy?” It was a whisper. A caress with his voice for a now dead lover. His heart was tearing apart from the inside, killing him.

“Where are you, love? I…I need.” He got off his knees, mindful of the girl in his arms. He took an unneeded breath, a sob escaping his throat. All of the memories from the Hellmouth and its closing filled his mind. “Oh God?! Slayer….” He closed his eyes, jaw tight, and he was mourning. “Love?”

Pulling Dawn to his face, he buried his face in her neck, and rocked her, more for his benefit than hers, surely. “Oh, Bit, I’m so sorry.” They stayed like that for a long time; he was crying-sobbing with grief, and his little girl lay there in his arms limp and warm.

~~~~~~~

The group watched in marvel as their champion grieved with the one person who could understand. Xander cried, clutching Willow’s arm, who was also crying. There really wasn’t a dry eye in that lobby. Everyone was feeling his pain, like when someone watched the saddest damn movie they had ever seen, and they were pulled into the drama by sheer force of the actors abilities. Giles was stoic, as was Angel, the only moisture coming from them was unnoticed by either man.

The two left them all and went into Angel’s office, quietly closing the door behind them. It was Angel who spoke first. “What the hell is going on?”

Giles took off his glasses and stared off at nothing. “She’s alone.” Putting the back of one hand to his eyes and the pulling it away in anguish, he looked heavenward. “She’s alone Angel.”

“I know.”

“It was safer, easier when we knew that he would-d-d,” he stammered. Throat raw with his own grief, it was very hard to finish. “-be there with her.” The last was quieter. Pulling a chair out from in front of him, he sat down with a thump, crossing his arms in front of him in a very-unlike-Giles pose.

“He loved her that much?” Inside Angel already knew the answer.

“With every fiber of his being. Unfortunately.”

“Did she…I mean, how did she…” he trailed off, leaving the question open.

With a sigh and a smile, he answered, “I believe that she loved him. Like an addiction almost. He was the one person that had never left her, God knows even I left her when she needed me, and that didn’t help anything.” A pause. “What do we do now?”

Angel shrugged, still shocked by his words. “Not sure. I can get people on where Buffy is, since Spike came back, she must be able to, too right?”

“I don’t know. Mystically, it might be a one person out kind of clause, but we can research, and find out.” His eyes were tired, so much older than he was at that moment. “Right now, though, I believe that we need to cancel some reservations, and borrow some rooms for the group.”

The vampire stood. “I’ll get on it. You should make sure everyone is okay.”

“Oh, Angel. Have you not seen it all for yourself? I don’t think anyone here will ever be okay. Not again.” And with that, he walked out to check on his charges.

~~~~~~

She was opening her eyes, aware only of some blonde hair in her face, the smell of ash, and the coolness of the body holding her. “Spike?”

He pulled away a little bit and smiled sourly, but the best he could at that moment. “Dawn.”

She pulled him to her again, eyes tightly shut and squeezed him with her arm. “Spike! Where’s Buffy, is she with you?”

He wished he could tell her yes, but there was the truth, and she deserved it. “No.” He whispered it into her hair.

She was crying. Silently.

“If I had known, Bit. If I had known, I would have never allowed her to come to me at that last second.” His breath was tickling her ear. “Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“I didn’t know.” And his tears were fresh, pain clogging his voice. “I just wanted—her. If I was going to die, I just wanted to see her face one more time.”

She stopped crying for a moment, and cracked a small smile. “Sometimes you’re a big girl, you know that?”

He grinned back at her. “Yeah, I do.”

“Please tell me we’re going to find her.” She played with his hair.

Spike thought for a minute. And considering his options, which were absolutely none other than finding Buffy, it wasn’t hard. He nodded and stared into her eyes. “She would kick my ass if I left her anywhere without us, Bit. We’re all she’s got.”

A true smile covered her lips as she thought about what he said. Soon, she was nodding too, “Yeah.”

Giles had called and contacted the coven in Bath to see what had happened. The person he spoke to, Victoria, was sure they would do whatever it was that they could to help, but warned him of anyone, especially Willow, using any black magic at this time, for the metaphysical forces were unstable at this time due to the large spell that Willow had used for the Slayers. He thanked her, and gave his word there wouldn’t be any done, and hung up, turning to Angel with a grim smile. “They will get on it as soon as they all can convene. Victoria suggested that we keep an eye on certain people attempting any sort of black magic at this time.”

Angel nodded in understanding. “Spike just got done singing for Lorne, he came out clean. It is him, but there’s something that Lorne isn’t telling me. He looked almost confused.” He leaned back in his chair and supported his head with his hands, looking up to the ceiling, thinking. “You know, there’s something I don’t understand, why him and not her? She’s the weapon of the Powers, not Spike. She was the Slayer, not him. She was human, and he was just this side of dead anyway.” He sighed. “ There’s something there Giles, that I’m not getting. I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something….”

The watcher looked out into the lobby at the group who had assembled to research. They had pulled numerous chairs and tables, all the books that they could find, and they were all taking notes and murmuring, some conversing between each other. The mood was somber.

“I think we’ll find the answer, but we won’t like what we find Angel. There are powers at work here that we know nothing about. This amulet that you brought Buffy was from Wolfram and Hart, so there’s that as well.” He took of his glasses, using that same back of the hand to wipe his eyes. Straightening, he put them back on and grabbed the stack of books closest to the door and headed for the group.

“They took her Giles, but make no mistake, I will get her back.”

Giles turned to look at the vampire. He looked aged then, so tired. “No, you won’t, but thanks for saying it.” Angel looked taken aback.

He stunned even himself as he left the room to join the others, but he was sure that he was right.





Dawn came down the stairs from her room, to join the others for a meal. She slumped in the nearest chair and looked dejectedly at the plate in front of her. Grabbing her fork, she shoved the food around lightly, trying to look like she was going to eat. Apparently, she walked into a debate involving just about everyone. She held her breath for a moment as the conversations got louder and louder. Finally, she let it out in a long sigh.

“Yetis in Tibet wrote in one of their prophecies that there was a champion, sucked into a rock, and transported to a dimension of great wealth and promise.”

Xander laughed a little. “Yetis talk?”

“The reading and writing is what got me Xander.” This from Kennedy.

“But the point is, Wesley, is that we are talking about nothing like that. It’s not a rock, it’s a jewel, and it burned through us, you git!” Spike sat up more in his chair.

“Clearly, Spike, you haven’t taken into account that the damn jewel is a rock!” He ground out the last word, emphasizing by lifting himself off his chair and grabbing an egg roll from the offered plate held by Fred. He growled a little and started pacing behind his chair, taking small bites and thinking.

“Watcher, I thought of the jewel being the rock. You’ve been talking about this all day long! There was fire, fire, FIRE! No blissful slipping into death. There was a great fire that tore into my body, straight into hers, like molten metal. If you would listen you would understand the difference in the stories!” He leaned back, slapping the chair into the wall, his chest heaving.

“What about the Hopi legend involving the resurrection of that one god?” Xander, who was still trying to throw himself into the fray.

Giles placed his glass down from taking a drink. “No, there was no chanting, no blood of a virgin, and also, Buffy has superhuman strength; she’s not a god.”

At the head of the table, Angel watched, sipping on a glass of blood. “It has something to do with the Senior Partners. I know it. I’m getting Gunn in there tomorrow to see them.” To that, Gunn nodded. “If we offer some sort of extreme kind of goodwill in the form of some kind of value, they might give us an idea of how we can get to her, or find out what happened to her.”

Dawn’s fork clattered to the plate on the table, all the color rushing from her face, and she swept a large lock of brown hair out of her eyes. “What if she was there, under the….

Everyone stopped and stared at her.

No one moved.

She looked up, more brave than her years. “Could we take a team up here to look? Maybe do some sort of locator spell?” Her voice was calm, but her eyes were far away. “Is there a spell we can do just to see if her bo-“ Spike laid his hand on her shoulder, and she looked at him. Her eyes were glistening, but her face brave, determined.

“Bit.”

“Spike.”

“Okay.”

He turned to the table, his eyes too, filling with tears so close. “Red? Can we find a spell to locate the possibility of maybe her being….” He trailed off, not quite meeting anyone in the eye.

Willow, who had been quiet, eating little bits when her stomach decided not to rebel on her, wiped her mouth and looked at Angel. “Do we have anything that might have been hers?” Angel nodded. “I will work on it tonight.”

Spike nodded his thanks, which she returned. “Now. I’m about done, I’ll clear this clutter. Harris? Want to help me get this back to working order?”



No one talked, they just finished quietly. In minutes, everyone grabbed last bites, taking their plates or bowls to the trash, and each person went their separate ways for a short time to take care of their business.

Spike looked at Xander, “If she’s there mate,” he started quietly, so no one would hear, “you be the one to do it. I won’t be here without her again.”

Xander nodded, not wanting to kill him, but knew if he wasn’t such a coward, he would have already been in the same position as Spike and would have wanted the same from him. “Only if we’re sure.”

Spike smiled, swallowing hard. “Thank you.”