Chapter 1 - Betrayal

The sound of roaring applause filled the Bronze, as local band “Dingoes Ate My Baby’ performed to the packed out club. The place was thrumming with people, dancing in time with the music. Later, lead singer Devon MacLeish, Oz, the lead guitarist, and the other band members made their way off stage to a round of rapturous applause. They then struggled to make their way over to their friends at a table by the bar, where they sat as people came over to talk to them about their set.

At a table in the corner, a dark haired woman by the name of Faith finally turned to her friends, Buffy, Willow and Anya. “Damn that guy is hot! Should I make my way over to the bar, see if he’s looking for a new groupie?” Buffy tried to stifle her giggles as she looked at Faith.

“Uh, sure Faith, he’s uh…cute, I guess. What do you think Wills?” She tried to look innocent, whilst knowing full well that Willow had her eye on the lead guitarist, who seemed to have a different hair colour every time they’d been to the club that month.

“I think he’d give you great orgasms Faith”, Anya said, in her blunt, but thoughtful way, as Willow turned bright red, and an “Anya” was thrown her way. “What?! I’m happy with my Xander, I want others to be as happy as I am. Don’t you agree Buffy?” She turned to look at Buffy, who had turned very quiet as the exchange went on. She was watching another of their friends, Dru, and her husband Riley out on the dance floor, in each others arms. “Hello, earth to Buffy!” Anya said, waving her hand in front of Buffy’s face, where her eyes had glazed over.

“Sorry Ahn, what?” she said, as she brought herself out of her dazed state.

“B, where the hell did you just go?!” Faith said, as she looked at her friend with concern.

“Look at Dru, she’s glowing. I hope Angel and I are as happy as her and Riley when we’re married”.

Faith screwed up her face and replied “The reason she’s glowing is because she’s been throwing up the whole morning! She’s pregnant B! She can’t keep her food in her stomach; I’m surprised she’s even kept her dinner down as long as she has tonight!”

“True, but they just look so carefree. Anyway, what were you guys saying before I went weird on ya?” Willow blushed again, as Anya replied.

Buffy laughed, as Faith stood up and said “Screw this! I’m going to the bar before he leaves. Wills, you coming with?” The redhead looked nervous, but Buffy encouraged her and gave her the little push she needed.

“Go on Willow, you never know, he might be single!”

“Ok, ok, I’ll come with you Faith, jeesh!” The redhead replied as she leapt up from her chair.

“Go Willow, you might actually get some tonight!” said Anya, before getting up and heading over to Xander, who had been talking to Angel, and sitting on his lap. As Willow and Faith headed over to the bar, Riley and Dru headed back to the table.

The pale looking woman took a seat next to Angel, complaining of the pace of the song being much too fast for her stomach to handle, to which Riley laughed, before asking Buffy if she’d like to dance. She looked at Angel, who had begun talking to Dru, and then at Xander and Anya, who were clearly occupied with each other, possibly a little too occupied really, before agreeing, and taking his hand, heading to the dance floor with the husband of one of her closest friends.

Faith and Willow had reached the bar, but the brunette had failed to notice Willow left flailing like a fish out of water, as Devon had struck up conversation with her straight away. The redhead shuffled her feet and played with her necklace nervously, waiting for the barman to notice her, and looking miserable, as she had just noticed the guitarist from the band talking to a blond girl at a nearby table on the walk over towards the bar.

“H-hey, can I g-get you a drink?” stuttered a shy looking blond woman the other side of Willow, who looked about as nervous as she herself had at the prospect of going to the bar just minutes before.

“Oh, thanks, that’s really sweet! I’ll just have a coke please! I’m Willow!” she said, as she held out her hand to shake.

“I’m T-Tara!” she replied, taking Willow’s hand in her own. “You seem to have l-lost your f-friend’s attention!” she said, looking over Willow’s shoulder, before coming back to face her, and smirking.

“Yeah, I think I have! That happens a lot!” she replied, rolling her eyes and letting out a little giggle.

Tara looked over at her friends, Wesley, Fred, Cordy and Gunn. Fred looked over and smiled. “Um, would you l-like to come over and s-sit with my friends? Y-You don’t hafta feel like you need to say yes…I understand if you don’t want to.” Willow smiled encouragingly, before looking back towards the corner where her friends were seated. Xander and Anya looked like they should get a room, but other than that, the table was empty. She looked around the busy club, and glimpsed Buffy and Riley dancing together, and then Faith and her latest conquest-to-be, Devon, making out next to her by the bar.

She turned back to Tara, picked up the drink that’d been placed in front of her, and replied with a heartfelt “Sure!” before taking Tara’s lead back to where her friends were sitting.

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Buffy and Riley were out of breath by the time they came back to the table a few songs later. Riley decided to head over to the bar to pick up another drink for Buffy and himself, since Faith and Willow didn’t seem to have brought any back yet, and Xander and Anya were clearly busy.

“Hey, guys…guys…GUYS!!!” she almost shouted at her friends. “Jeesh, get a room! But before you do, where did Dru and Angel go? I didn’t see them out on the dance floor.” Xander looked at Buffy, back at Anya, then back to Buffy again, his mouth doing a goldfish impression. Buffy raised her eyebrows, in attempt to get her brunette friend to talk a bit faster.

However, before he could, Anya beat him to it “Dru said she didn’t feel too good, and dashed off out the back alley, closer than the bathrooms I guess. XANDER was too busy giving me a hickey to notice anything!”

Buffy grimaced, and added a “Poor Dru…hey, why didn’t you come get Riley?”

Anya looked at Buffy and said, “You and him looked like you were having so much fun out there, Angel said he’d go make sure she was ok, and take her home if she wanted him too.”

Buffy knew the two had gotten close, after all, Buffy spent a lot of time with Dru and Riley, they'd grown into a tight little foursome, often going to each others houses for dinner . “Oh, Ok. I think I might head out there, check to see if they left yet. Angel’s not that great with sick women!” she said, with a loving smile. She stood up and headed to the exit into the alley at the back of the club.

*God, Dru’s good! If I was her I wouldn’t have made it away from the table without throwing up, let alone this far!* Buffy mused, as she wandered through the backdoors of the club and out into the night air. She took a few steps into the shadows, trying to see if she could see either of them, but then began hearing sounds of two people enjoying themselves. She didn’t want to walk into any embarrassing situations, but could clearly hear sounds of passion coming from further down the alley.

She was just about to turn back and head inside, resided to the fact that Dru and Angel must have left already, when she heard the unmistakeable English accent of her eccentric friend shout “Oh Angel, I love you my dark prince!” before a grunt she recognised as that of her love.

She stood, shocked, and immobile for a moment, before a low “Soon Dru…Soon it’ll be you, me and the baby“ was heard from her Angel.

“Oh my God!” came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop it. Her eyes glazed over. She felt dizzy. She didn’t think her legs would hold her up, but she turned and ran back inside, Dru and Angel who had heard her, came hot on her heels as she made it through the doors.

Angel grabbed her arm “Buffy, whatever you think you saw was wrong, I can explain…” Buffy saw red, turning, she hit out at Angel, landing a punch square across his jaw, startling him, before turning to run to the table, whilst Dru tended to Angel, fussing over him to see if he was ok. He shook her off, and they followed back to the table.

Riley, Anya and Xander saw Buffy coming towards them, the look on her face one they’d never seen before on the normally passive blonde. Riley looked at her, then at Angel and Dru, who were also at the table now, before turning back and asking “What’s wrong, what happened? Buffy?” she looked up at him, before turning to glare at the raven haired pair.
She almost spat out in her hatred “Why don’t you ask your wife? I’m sure she’ll be happy to explain, Riley. Right Dru?” she glared at her friend, before grabbing her bag and storming out of the club, most of the Bronze occupants watching her go.

Chapter 2 – Lost

Buffy felt sick. She stumbled out of the Bronze’s doors, dazed, Angel’s words ringing in her ears. *Soon Dru, soon it’ll be you me and the baby*. So, the baby, Dru’s baby, the one the girls had been so excited about, the first in the group to get pregnant…it wasn’t Riley’s. It was Angel’s. Her Angel. Her love. She thought he loved her, just as she loved him. She’d given him everything, changed her life to incorporate him into it. He’d been her first. But it was all a lie. Now she understood why he’d been so reluctant to make plans. Why, whenever she mentioned the wedding, he clammed up. They’d been engaged three months. She’d ask him about places, music, a date even, and he’d just shrug, look at her like she was being silly, and say “Baby, is there any point in rushing things?”

Oh, she’d give him rushing things. When Dru had told the girls about her pregnancy, she hadn’t seemed too pleased. They had all fussed over her, telling her how great it was, that they were going to be Aunties. Riley had been over the moon, and Dru’d finally welcomed the idea that she had to take care of someone else for a change. Come to think of it, when Buffy had told Angel, he’d asked a lot of questions about it, how far along she was, what Riley’d said, did Dru seem pleased. Now she could see why that had been.

A month after Dru had announced her ‘big news’, Angel had popped the question. He took her for a nice meal, then dancing at the Bronze. They went back to his apartment, and from the door was a trail of candles and rose petals. She couldn’t believe it when they’d gotten upstairs and he asked her to become his wife. She’d immediately said yes, and they’d made love for hours. So why? Why had he done this to her now? It didn’t make sense. And it’d been going on for a long time, that much was clear. Dru was 7 months pregnant, and from the sounds of Angel in the alley, the baby was definitely his. How long had he been planning on stringing her along? Until they’d set a date for the wedding? Or they’d walked down the aisle maybe?

She didn’t know how long she’d been walking, wandering the streets of Sunnydale. She realized her phone had been ringing, so she looked to see who was calling. *Willow. Great, just what I need!* she didn’t answer, left it to go to voicemail. She looked up, wondering where she was, and saw that she’d walked into the seedy side of town. She was unsure of where to go, only that she didn’t want to go home yet. Dawn was staying with her for a few days, on break from college, and she didn’t want to deal with the questions. Much better to leave her thinking she’d gone back to Angel’s for the night instead. As she was walking, she almost passed ‘Willie’s Bar’. *I need a drink…and I think I deserve one too!* Buffy mused, pushing the doors open to the bar.

As she entered, the room was smoky. She went to the bar, and ordered a vodka tonic. As soon as it was placed in front of her, she drank it straight down, before asking the bartender to get her another one.

“Uh, Miss, aren’t you drinking that a little fast? Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad” the bartender said to her, worried about the state the young woman appeared to be in. “I-I don’t want any trouble”.

Buffy looked at him, her face showing no signs of being bothered by what he was saying. “Listen, whatever your name is. I’m paying you to give me alcohol, if I wanted a speech, I would’ve gone home to my sister. Now get me another drink…please…what is your name anyway?”

“My name’s Willie, and are you sure, cos you don’t seem like you need to be drinking something like that, it’s not gonna make everyth…”

“Willie, please, my drink, before I climb over this bar and serve myself!” she interrupted him, before he could continue his warning.

“Right, ok miss…if you insist” he said, pouring her another drink, which she again, picked up and drank straight down.

After her fourth drink in the same manner, she almost fell off her stall, paid her tab and left the bar. She wasn’t sure what direction she was headed in, only that the alcohol hadn’t done nearly enough to numb the pain she was currently in. She walked down the now deserted streets, hoping to sober up before she headed home.

Before she knew it, she was standing at the house of her former best friend. They hadn’t spoken in the last 10 months, and she wasn’t sure why she was there now, only that it seemed imperative that she go and knock on the door. She looked down at herself. She looked a mess. It was 3.30 in the morning, maybe she should just turn around and leave. She’d walked as far as the door, knocking lightly, before the evening’s events all caught up with her, and in seconds, she was an emotional wreck, tears running down her cheeks, her legs unable to hold her up as she sobbed her heart out on the front porch steps. She fell to her knees with a crash, startling the house’s occupant awake in an instant.

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Spike awoke from his slumber with a start. He didn’t remember falling asleep, last thing he knew, he’d been watching TV, sprawled on the sofa. Now, here he was, waking up from said sofa with a start, disoriented for a second, with a neck that was as stiff as hell. “Bloody hell, last time I ever try and watch a late night Passions marathon!” Even as he said it he knew he was lying to himself. He loved that show way to much to give it up that easily! He stood up, moving his head from side to side, trying to alleviate some of the pain he felt from being in an awkward position for so long. He went to the TV and switched it off, and headed out of the living room, past the front door, about to head up the stairs when a sound caught his ears.

It sounded like someone was crying on his front porch. He figured it was probably some drunken idiot, and just prayed he wouldn’t have to clean up anything nasty in the morning. He had his foot on the first step, and was just going to climb the stairs to his room when he heard the words “Angel”, “Dru” and “friend” in between sniffling and sobbing. He came back to the front door and flung it open, confirming his suspicions. Buffy. On his porch. Looking very rough, but still beautiful as hell. He called out her name, hoping she’d turn to him, but it didn’t work, she either didn’t hear, or didn’t have the energy to look at him. Either way, it wasn’t good for her to be out here, it was cold and unsafe.

He made his way over to her, picking her up smoothly, murmuring words of what he hoped to be comfort into her hair. She smelt of smoke and booze, not her usual vanilla and chamomile that he was used to from her. But then, that had been a long time ago. He sat her down on the sofa and went to get her a glass of water. When he came back into the room, her sobs had stopped, and her eyes seemed more focused. He placed the glass down in front of her on the coffee table, before sitting on it himself and taking her small hands in his. She was shaking. He worryingly forced himself to look into her eyes, just as she focused on the man in front of her.

“Spike? How? When did I?” she asked, too dazed still to make full sentences.

“Dunno love, just found you on me porch, didn’t I? What happened to you love? Should I call someone, the police? Dawn?”

That seemed to snap her out of it. Her head snapped up at that, her eyes instantly flying to his, as she shook her head vehemently. “NO, no, that’s not necessary. I’ll be fine, I just needed a minute to…Oh my god” her hand flew to her mouth as she stood up and flew past him and up the stairs. She just made it into the bathroom and knelt down in front of the toilet bowl as her stomach rejected both the copious amounts of alcohol she’d drunk and the food she’d consumed that evening. Spike had followed her upstairs, pulling her hair back out of her face with one hand, leaning over to the sink with the other arm and rinsing a washcloth in cold water, placing that on the back of her overheated neck. When she was done, he let go of her hair, and picked up a glass off the side, filling it with water so she could rinse her mouth.

He handed it to her, and watched in silence as she swished the water around her mouth before spitting it out, reaching up to the toilet cistern, and fumbling around for the handle before pulling it in order to get rid of its contents. She turned back to face Spike, placing the water on the side of the sink as she stood. She looked nervous and embarrassed as she met his eyes with her own. “I’m sorry. I…umm…I kind of need to pee. Buffy’s bladder and alcohol are kinda unmixy!” Her face flamed with embarrassment at the thought of what she was saying. She hadn’t seen her ex-best friend in so long, and the first thing she’d done had been to throw up and tell him she needed to pee!

Spike looked like he wished he were both anywhere but there and amused at the state she was getting in at the same time. “Enough said love. I’ll pop downstairs and make us a cuppa, whilst you sort yourself out. Take your time, I’ll meet you down there. Then we can talk, ok?” he began to back out of the room, giving her no choice but to nod her approval as he pulled the door to and it shut between them.

Chapter 3 – Explanations

Spike stood at the kitchen window waiting for the kettle to boil. He wondered what the hell had happened that would warrant Buffy coming to him, now, after all this time apart. Not that he minded of course, he’d missed her like mad. He had other friends, people he’d spent time with, but there was only one Buffy Summers. The way she laughed at silly things, and the way she made up her own language, like just now in the bathroom. I mean, who says ‘unmixy’?! No one, nobody, but her. That’s why he loved her so much. Sure, she didn’t know that, and he wouldn’t tell her, especially not with her precious Angel in the picture. As much as he hated the git, he wanted her to be happy, even if it meant taking a step back and letting him rule her life. She didn’t seem to mind, and if the only thing she’d had to sacrifice had been Spike, then who was he to say the poofter was no good for her. Except he had, and that was why it was only now, 10 months later, that he was able to see the love of his life again and know that she was ok, and dealing without him, not like he had been without her in his life.

The kettle finished boiling, and he poured the hot water onto the milk, teabags and sugar in each of the 2 mugs in front of him. He figured she could do with a sugar boost, the state she’d been in. His mind started to wander again, thinking of her upstairs in his bathroom, and he over-filled the second cup, sending hot water all over the counter. “Shit…shit, shit, shit!” he said under his breath, before grabbing a washcloth and wiping up the spillage. He turned and hurled the cloth back into the sink, angry suddenly at the thought of why her precious Angel hadn’t looked after her properly and made sure she didn’t get into such a state. He knew just as well as anyone that she couldn’t hold her drink, and yet she seemed to have had way more than a couple of glasses of wine like she usually would. He took a deep breath, trying to rein in is emotions, before turning and picking up the mugs form the counter, and heading down the hall to wait for Buffy to come downstairs. As he passed the stairs, he called up to her “Buffy, love, you ok up there? You haven’t fallen in have you?” and carried on towards the living room.

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Buffy was in the bathroom after Spike left trying to calm herself down, with great difficulty. She was beyond nervous. After he had left to go and make tea, she had taken care of business, and was now trying to pluck up courage to go back downstairs. She laughed at that thought. Spike was so British. Every time she’d go over there when they were growing up, he’d make tea as soon as he got in the door, like it was his cure all answer to everything. She’d missed it. She’d kept some in her and Angel’s apartment, but making it for herself just wasn’t the same, especially when Angel had said ‘Buff, baby, you’re not at Spike’s place, you don’t have to drink that shit any more, you won’t offend anyone!’. At least you could rely on Spike to keep things normal. It was almost like almost a year hadn’t passed.

She thought back to the last time she’d seen him. It’d been Dru and Riley’s wedding day. Angel was keeping tabs on her the whole time, and had been really over attentive. Spike kept trying to get her to dance, but each time Angel got to her just as Spike was walking across the dancefloor. She’d asked Angel what was wrong, why he kept getting in the way of her dancing with her friend. For the last couple of months he’d been trying to stop her seeing him, and she didn’t know why. She had finally gotten away from Angel while he danced with Dru, and she’d gone out to the terrace where she’d seen Spike head out for a cigarette. He hadn’t turned round, but had said ‘Hello Buffy’ . She still wasn’t sure how he’d known she was behind him. He seemed so sad, leant against the railing, gazing out over the beach. They’d talked for half an hour, and ended up onto the usual conversation of Spike telling her how Angel wasn’t good enough for her. He’d always end up saying that, but wouldn’t give her a reason why. She hadn’t understood, but Angel came out to find them arguing, and led her back inside to ‘get her a drink’, smirking at Spike as he did so.

She snapped back to the present when she heard Spike call up the stairs to her. She laughed at his comment, helping to calm her down. She could do this, it’d be hard, sure, but it was still Spike. It’d all be ok, he’d make it better for her. He always did after all. She splashed some water on her face, and looked in the mirror, checking her reflection. He may be her best friend, maybe not so much recently, but that didn’t mean she had to look a mess in front of him now did it! She ran her fingers through her hair, pleased with the little she’d achieved, and headed to the door, ready to face him at last. As she walked down the stairs, she had a feeling that she now knew exactly what it felt to be an animal in a slaughterhouse being led to their death.

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Buffy stepped off the bottom step, and made her way into the living room where Spike stood, by the fireplace. He had his back to her, and she was just about to call his name to get his attention, but he turned around and waved his hand towards the couch. “Take a seat love, don’t need to stand to attention for me” he said with a smirk. He sat down at one end, leaving the other end free for her to sink down into, which she did. She reached out to pick her tea up from the coffee table in front of her, and took a big sip, sighing as she tasted the familiar sweet taste that was like no other. Spike looked at her in amusement as she looked like a cup of tea was the best thing in the world to her at that moment.

She looked up at him, giggling to herself at the look on his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, wondering why he was staring at her with that damn smirk on his face. He always did that when he looked at her, smirked away to himself like he was thinking the naughtiest thoughts! Usually tilted his head to one side too, cocky git! *Wow, the second I get to being around him again, I start thinking British! Cocky git?! I’d never speak like that with Angel*

“Well love, the look on your face just then, like you’d never had anything so good, it was…” Spike trailed off as his girl went from looking like she was the cat that got the cream, to like she was about to dissolve into tears in three seconds flat. “Buffy…Buffy, love, what is it? What happened tonight that brought you here?” He moved to sit in front of her on the coffee table, taking her tiny hands in his after removing the mug and placing it next to him. She wouldn’t look up at him. Couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of their joined hands. Then she spoke, so quietly that he could barely understand what she was saying. “Sweetheart, you’re going to have to speak up a bit, I’m getting a bit deaf in me old age love” he said, trying to lighten the suddenly uncomfortable atmosphere.

She looked up at him, her eyes glassy, full of unshed tears, and said “I saw them, Angel and Dru, in the alley…” just before she broke down, the tears spilling down onto her cheeks. She fell forward into his arms, knowing he’d catch her like he always did, always had when they were growing up. He automatically moved forward to sit next to her on the sofa, bringing her over to nestle into his arms, her head buried into the crook of his neck. She was sobbing uncontrollably now, her hand fisted into his t-shirt, clinging onto him like he was the only one in the world that could help keep her alive, and god help him, he wished it were true. He rubbed her back in circles, and whispered words of comfort into her hair, knowing that it wouldn’t help, but knowing that it would help her realize there was someone still there for her.

She’s been like this when they were young, 17 at the time, in fact. She’d come home from school to find her mum on the sofa, lifeless. They’d lived two doors down from each other, and spent more time in each others than they did in their own. Buffy had come out the front door, screaming for someone to help, just as the Giles’s had been coming home from the grocery store, and Spike had run over, whilst his mother and father, Jenny and Rupert, had gone past them and found the horror that Buffy had walked in on. Buffy had seen Spike and collapsed to her knees on the porch, with him striding up the stairs and catching her before she fell forwards. They’d sat there, him comforting her as best as he could for a long time, whilst the paramedics came to pronounce Joyce as being dead.

Buffy’s sobs had begun to die down, and she was hiccupping, trying desperately to catch her breath. Spike leant back, unable to resist placing a small kiss on her forehead as he did. He smiled down at her as she looked up at him and offered him a watery smile back. She looked at his shirt, wiping her hand across the damp patch she’d made with her tears. “I’m sorry, I’ve ruined your shirt” she said, looking guiltily up at him.

He looked at her, and with a small laugh, said “Don’t worry about it pet, this is just a standard issue black t-shirt, you know me, I’ve got about 50 more in my drawer upstairs!” She laughed at that, before looking sad again. She took a deep breath and looked down at where her hand rested against his heart.

“How could he do that to me? I thought he loved me…all this time, him and Dru. The baby, I heard him, it’s his. God, poor Riley, at least I’ve had a lucky escape. He’s married to her, and he thought that baby was his, he…” Spike had to interrupt her before she hyperventilated, she was talking so fast.

He pulled her into his chest and said “Breath, love!” he tightened his hold on her as she went to move away, and she hit at his chest. She clearly wanted to get off his lap, but he was having none of it. He finally felt her relax, so loosened his hold on her, which was her trick to get away, and in a flash, she was out of his arms and on the other end of the sofa again. “Hey, that’s not fair! You always do that!” but even as he said it, he was laughing, glad that she wasn’t still seemingly broken.

Just as she thought it though, she turned and looked at him, after picking up her tea, and said “Spike, what’s wrong with me? Everyone I ever love leaves me, my dad, mom, now Angel. It must be me.” He looked at her as if she’d suddenly sprouted two heads, and sighed, thinking of how fragile his girl must be feeling, he chose his next words carefully, not wanting to add extra stress on her by telling her his true feelings.

“Buffy, pet, there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING wrong with you, Angel was just a stupid prat that couldn’t keep his dick to himself. It’s why I didn’t like seeing you with him. When the two of you were first together, I saw him with someone, he was at the Bronze, I saw them go out the back towards the toilets and I was headed there myself. The two of you had only just started dating, not long after your mum, and I couldn’t bring myself to take away the first thing that brought you happiness. He told me that she was his ex, and that she was leaving town, he’d never see her again, that he wanted you. Buffy, if I’d known he was gonna do it again, I never would’ve kept my mouth shut. But seeing the two of you together, I couldn’t do it. At Dru’s wedding I saw him around the room, flirting, but every time I tried to get you alone to tell you he was there. Then you started to stop returning my calls, and we lost touch. If I could take the last few years back, be able to tell you from the beginning, I would love. Please forgive me?” he had such an anxious look on is face that she could do nothing but take him into her arms, and whisper four words into his ear that made him almost sob with relief.

“I forgive you, Spike”

Chapter 4 – Friendship

Spike sat on the porch, cup of tea by his side, cigarette dangling from his lips. He’d woken up at 5am, after having a nightmare. He’d had the dream again, the same one he’d been having since Buffy had arrived three nights ago. It was of Angel and the girl he’d seen him with at the Bronze three years ago, every night the same sequence of events. It started out with Spike seeing the two of them walking towards the toilets, then went on to Angel telling him it was nothing and that he wouldn’t do it again. Then it moved forward to Buffy, sobbing in Spike’s arms, and his confession of knowing Angel had cheated on her before. However, in the dream, instead of forgiving him, Buffy leant back and slapped him, shouting ‘I hate you Spike’ before getting up and running out of the house. That was where he always woke, with a start, and in a cold sweat.

As he had the other two mornings, he quietly slipped past his spare room, to check it was only a dream, and that his love was there with him, before heading downstairs for a cuppa. After their heartfelt reconciliation days before, Buffy had been reluctant to impose and stay with him, saying she could go to a hotel, but Spike had insisted. They’d had a few hours sleep before Buffy phoned her apartment to check Angel wasn’t there, as he had a key and might have gone to wait for her, and then they’d gone round to collect her some much needed stuff, like clothes, and other necessities, including her car from the garage, her laptop, and cellphone charger. They’d arrived and found a note from Dawn, saying that she was heading back to college, and that she hoped to hear from Buffy soon to arrange her next visit.

They’d settled into a nice routine, which Spike was about to continue. He took a last drag from his cigarette, before stubbing it out next to him on the step, and throwing it into a plant pot to the side. He picked up his tea and finished it, before getting up and heading back into the kitchen, looking at the clock as he walked in. It was now 7o’clock, meaning it was ok to start preparing breakfast, as she had to be up for work soon. He placed his cup in the sink, and went to the fridge, pulling out eggs and milk, and then flour from the cupboard to make pancakes. He’d made breakfast for Buffy every morning so far, hoping he’d get her so used to it she’d never want to leave his house. He hummed as he worked, fixing the pancakes into funny little shapes, couldn’t seem to get them to stay rounded. He finished up, putting a stack on a plate, and some vanilla syrup in a jug, and making a cup of tea for both him and Buffy. He loved the vanilla syrup, had only bought it because the sweet scent reminded him of her. It was almost an exact copy of the perfume she wore, and he couldn’t resist buying it, even when they’d been apart. On an impulse, he went back into the garden and cut a pink stemmed rose from the bush at the bottom of the garden, bringing it back in and placing it on the tray with a smile. Then he picked the tray up, and headed for the stairs.

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Buffy heard the knock at the slightly open door, and called “Come in Spike!” before yawning and stretching, smiling as he entered the room, and then blushing at the way she must’ve looked when he walked in. She didn’t realize the look on his face was because he’d never seen anything so adorable as her first thing in the morning. It was like every day she got more beautiful. She looked at him, before saying “Is that for me?” gesturing to the tray he held. That seemed to snap him out of the daze he was in, as he suddenly looked nervous. “Come over here, silly! I can’t see what I got if you’re that far away, and I’m hungry!”

Spike walked forward, placing the tray on her lap and sitting at the end of the bed. “I remembered you liked pancakes love, hope you don’t mind sharing though!” he said with a smirk, before picking up one of the two forks at the side of the plate. Buffy smiled, before picking up the rose, and looking at him inquisitively. He just moved to take it off of her, but she moved it out of his reach, placing it on the pillow beside her. He blushed, and shrugged his shoulders, unsure of how she felt about it, before saying “I just looked out the window and saw it, thought you might think it was pretty love.”

She nodded, and said “I love it, thank you Spike. Now, pancake time!” She picked up the jug containing the syrup, and looked down at the plate, before giggling and saying “They’re Dawn style-ee! She always makes funny shapes!” Then she poured the syrup over them, and picked up the other fork, and they both tucked in.

She ate like she was ravenous, as she always did, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. He never did understand how she could eat as much as she did and not put on a pound. She finished her last bite, before picking up her tea and swallowing half down before smiling at him and saying “Thank you, that was delicious!” and then finishing off the rest of the tea. She looked over at the clock, seeing that it was almost 8, and her face suddenly didn’t look so happy anymore. Spike followed where she was looking, realising that she needed to get ready to leave for work, so he took the tray off of her lap so she could get up.

He went to get up, but thought of something, so he turned back to her. “Buffy, love, say no if you want, but I thought we could maybe invite Red over tonight, after work, have some dinner and drinks? It’d do you good to see someone other than me, and I know she’s been leaving you messages to check up on you.” He looked at her face, hoping she wouldn’t hate him for asking, but he knew he was being right, she’d only seen him and Darla, her boss whom she worked for since the other night, and she should be talking to her other friends too. She looked anxious, so he took her hand, and said “I’ll be here, it’ll be a casual thing if you like, or I can go out, whatever you want to do sweetheart, but she’s worried about you, yeah?”

Buffy nodded in agreement, and said “I’ll phone her at work, I’m sure she’ll be free. She’ll hate me for not phoning her sooner, I hope she understands that I couldn’t talk to her before”. She knew it would be hard, but that it would have to happen eventually, better to get it done with moral support from Spike, her new guardian angel. “Thanks Spike. You’re right, I should get it done.”

He smiled, hoping he was doing the right thing, and she wouldn’t go back to stay with Willow or something, but he was almost certain that she was happy staying with him now that they were friends again. He’d always liked the eccentric redhead, they got on well. He also hoped she wouldn’t be too hard on Buffy, but knew his girl could handle it. “Right love, I’ll let you get on, don’t want you late to answer Darla’s important calls!” He got up off the bed, Buffy following behind, but not before rolling her eyes at his comment. Her boss was a real annoying bitch about her phones, they had to be answered within 3 rings, and sometimes she phoned the reception desk herself just to check.

Spike headed downstairs to wash up and Buffy headed towards the bathroom to get ready, praying that she would actually make it to work on time. Once she was showered, she headed back to her room to get dressed, and saw the rose still on her pillow. She picked it up, and brought it to her nose, inhaling the scent and smiling. Angel never gave her flowers, or made her breakfast in bed. She was almost becoming glad she wasn’t going to be spending the rest of her life with him. She’d never get treated with as much love as Spike had shown her the last few days, not even in their first year of marriage. She wished he’d been more like Spike, more thoughtful. If they weren’t best friends, they’d almost be perfect for each other. They way he treated her…wait a minute, he couldn’t like her like that, could he? *NO! Don’t be silly Buffy, he’s your friend. You’re BEST friend! He just cares about you, wants to cheer you up* Yeah, that was it. Better finish getting ready, she thought, looking at the clock, rushing to the wardrobe and pulling out some trousers and a shirt.

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It was 7 o’clock when there was a knock at the door, Buffy rushing to open it. “Hmphhh! Willow! I’m not dead!” she managed to get out, as her friend squeezed her in the biggest hug ever. She let her go as she spotted Spike appear over Buffy’s shoulder, smirking at her display! She blushed, looking shyly at Buffy, and smiled gently. That was just before she put her ‘resolve face’ on, and her hands on her hips.

“Buffy Summers, why the hell did you not call me back! I was worried sick!” she said, almost fuming. When she’d switched her cell on at lunchtime and heard Buffy’s voice, telling her she was ok, and at Spike’s, and inviting her to dinner, she’d been relieved, but then annoyed at the fact she hadn’t called sooner. However, seeing how ashamed Buffy now looked, and the way Spike was looking at her with such strong devotion, she decided to drop it. “Never mind, you’re ok, clearly! You are ok, right?” She looked at her friend imploringly, who nodded.

“Yeah Wills, I’m fine. Spike’s taken good care of me, promise! Makes me breakfast in bed and everything!” She looked over Willow’s shoulder at him, standing in the kitchen doorway with an apron on. He looked embarrassed, and she smirked, trying to copy his usual trademark facial feature, but didn’t quite manage it. “I think that’s your queue to vamoosh!” she watched as he turned on his heel, going into the kitchen.

Buffy left Willow to go into the living room, and told her she’d go check the dinner was coming along ok with Spike looking after it, and she’d be right back. After Buffy’d been gone for 5 minutes, Willow decided she’d go and see if there was anything she could do to help. The scene she walked in on in the kitchen though was soo sweet, she stood watching for a moment before backing quietly out of the room, leaving them in peace.

Spike had gone into the kitchen, and soon after Buffy had followed him in, so she could tell him to go along with her story later that Buffy had made the sauce for the pasta, and hadn’t completely left the whole thing for Spike to do. He’d immediately pushed her to the stove, taking her hand in his, and picking up the spoon on the side, placing it in her hand, and using his to guide hers with the spoon around the saucepan, stirring the tomato puree, and then telling her to add the garlic and onions from on the side, so she could be honest when telling Willow the story she’d come up with. She did as she was told, and he carried on guiding her hand with the spoon in. He was close behind her, pressing up against her back, breathing in her scent, trying to tell himself he was just doing it so she didn’t have to lie to her friend, but he was being selfish and doing it for himself just as much. However, Buffy didn’t seem to have any complaints whatsoever, as she leant back into him, getting carried away with the moment, neither of them noticing as their eyes closed, and Willow stood in the doorway watching them. They snapped out of the daze they were in when Willow called out from the living room asking if she could do anything to help, and she dropped the spoon, looking guiltily at spike, before running out into the living room.

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Dinner had gone well after that, although Buffy barely made eye contact with Spike throughout the meal. He’d gone to wash the dishes whilst the girls had a ‘natter’ in the living room over a glass of wine, curled up on the couch. They’d been talking about Buffy and Angel, and Spike had finished the dishes and gone up to take a shower. Willow had been trying to pluck up the courage to tell Buffy something all evening, and since Spike was now out of the room, she thought now was the time to do it.

“Buffy, I need to tell you something. I came here to check you were ok, but also because I need to tell you something, and I need for you to not freak on me, cos I don’t understand it myself yet, and I need your support, and…” she babbled, as she did when she got nervous. Buffy reassured her by moving round and sitting closer to her. She took a deep breath, and said “I’ve met someone”, waiting for Buffy to start talking before putting her wine glass to her lips and drinking the glass down fast.

Her blond friend looked surprised, but pleased, and started with the questions, wondering why Willow had been so worried to tell her this. “Oh my god Will’s, when! What’s his name? How old is he, is he cute? When did you meet?” She stopped when Willow drunk the full glass of wine she’d had in her hands. “Will, what is it, what’s wrong?” She was worried about her friend, it wasn’t like her to do that at all.

Willow looked at her, and said “HER name’s Tara, she’s blond, and she’s great Buffy. I don’t know how it happened, we just started talking and there was all this chemistry from nowhere. And we went back to her place, and I’ve been with her the last few days. We met at the Bronze, before you ran outta there, if I’d known you’d left I would have come after you, I swear…Buffy, say something, please?”

“Oh Willow, I’m sorry, it’s just a shock! I mean, you usually like guys, it’s just new to me! It’s ok though, I am totally support-o girl, I promise! I want to meet her! Have you told Xander and Anya yet?” Willow looked relieved at the way her friend was dealing with this new news, and smiled. She’d been so worried that Buffy would hate her for it, or think it was too weird, that hearing her words of reassurance was a fantastic relief. She threw herself into Buffy’s arms, whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again, just before the doorbell went.

Buffy disentangled herself from Willow, going to the hall to answer it. When Willow didn’t hear anything, she got up and went to the hall, to see what was wrong. Noticing Buffy’s lack of movement to invite the person in or shut the door, she looked out onto the porch to see Drusilla standing there. She was smiling softly, and said “Hullo Buffy” with one hand stroking her extended stomach…

Chapter 5 – Realisations.

Willow immediately charged for the front door, hurrying to shut it in her ex-friend’s face. But, before she could, Buffy stood up, moving forward and placing a halting hand on Willow’s arm. “It’s ok Wills, I wanna hear what she wants to say” she said, opening the door wider and stepping out onto the porch. She sat on the porch steps, allowing enough room for Dru to sit down next to her. Willow hung back by the door, deciding to give the two some space.

Buffy stayed quiet, and waited for the raven haired woman to start her explanation. When after a minute she hadn’t been forthcoming, she turned her head to face her, saying “Anytime tonight Dru, I was having a nice evening till you showed and I’d like to get back to it. That is if it’s not too much trouble?” as she finished the sentence, she flashed such a saccharine, sarcastic smile in her direction, Dru almost looked nervous. Only almost, though.

When she turned her head, she had such an evil, worrying look on her face that Buffy visibly flinched. She let out a slight cackle, and the blond wondered how she’d never seen this side of Dru before, after all, she’d known her for five years. She finally began speaking, and Buffy almost wished she hadn’t bothered. “The stars showed me Buffy. You weren’t right for ‘im, my Angel. Him and me, we’re right for each other.”

Buffy could feel her eyes welling up with tears, and stood up off of the steps, the wine she’d consumed earlier that evening giving her the courage, but also making her wobble a little as she stood. She towered over the pregnant woman, and felt all of her hatred building up. “How could you do it Dru? How could you marry Riley knowing that you loved Angel? And the baby, how long were you going to trick him into thinking he’d be a father, huh?” She almost couldn’t believe the nerve of the woman, turning up at her house like this. *Hang on, this isn’t my house!* “How the hell did you find me Dru? No one knows I’m here but Willow, and from the way she reacted just now she didn’t invite you here for a heart to heart.”

“I told you love, the stars. They whispered to Miss Edith, and she whispered to me. Told me you were here with William, that I could find you with your one true love. Don’t you see it Buffy? You and Angel, you were never meant to be, nor were Riley and me. But you and William, you have passion. You smolder when you’re together, you can feel the heat all around you. That’s why Angel hated him so much, he knew he’d be the one to take away what was his. That’s why he came to me.” She smiled softly at Buffy, almost looking back to her normal self. “Him and me are just like you and sweet William. We’re meant to be. You’ll see, soon enough.”

Buffy looked astonished at Dru’s revelations. Not that she believed any of it for a second, and who the hell was Miss Edith?! No, it was too crazy, she’d never seen her friend like this before, and it was scaring her. Must be a pregnancy thing, she’d flipped. “Dru, I don’t know why you came here tonight, but you’re not making any sense. Oh, and Angel, you’re welcome to him. Do you really think you’re the first? You’re not, he’s done it before. That’s why he hates ‘Spike’ so much, because ‘Spike’ saw him with someone else when we were first together, and he was worried he’d tell me. And Spike and I? You think that’s going to happen? You’re delusional Dru, and probably highly hormonal, but not right. We will never be together, we’re just friends, that’s all. He doesn’t like me that way, and anything more would ruin our friendship, which we’ve just gotten back…”

“Have you heard yourself Buffy? All you’ve said so far is that you don’t think he feels that way, you don’t want to ruin your friendship, and how long was I going to string poor Riley along for. Not one thing you’ve said has been about the fact that you think William and you deserve each other, or about how you love Angel. The two of you are meant to be, you just have to open your eyes. Now I have to leave, Angel and I are going to London to stay with my parents. I wanted to come and see you before I left, make you see the truth. If Miss Edith says anything else, I’ll be sure to let you know. Take care of William for me Buffy, you need each other.”

Buffy was in shock, not even noticing as Dru left, and tears clouded her eyes. Her Angel was definitely lost forever then. And what was that about her and Spike? They were meant to be? She thought back to earlier in the kitchen, and this morning. It had felt right. It had felt natural, not like with her and Angel. She could feel the tears slipping down her cheeks, and silent sobs starting to wrack her body, out for everyone to see, but she didn’t have the energy to move. She suddenly felt tired, too tired to deal with any of the stuff that had happened with Dru and Angel. Too tired to care about how Riley was dealing. She didn’t want to have to go back inside and talk to Willow, fussing over her. So, she decided, she’d stay right there, on the steps, till she had the energy to go inside again. The tears on her cheeks dried as she drifted into sleep.


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Spike finished his shower, heading downstairs to find Willow nervously twisting her hair round her finger and sitting on the bottom stair. “Red? Where’d Buffy go?” he asked, startling her enough to jump up, her hand going to her heart and causing her to make a little squeak.

“Spike! You nearly scared me half to death!” she tossed a nervous smile in his direction, but wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead staring at the ground. She looked at the front door, and into the living room and back to Spike, trying to gather the courage to tell him what’d happened whilst he was in the shower. “Umm…well, Dru kinda showed up and…”

Spike looked ready to rip someone’s head off, and stormed towards the front door, gripping the handle in this palm “what the bloody hell does she think she’s doing? Does she not know when to stay away?! Buffy was having a good evening, and she turns up? Damn bitch, I’ll kill ‘er if she’s upset my girl.” He stopped, realizing that he’d just said ‘my girl’ to Willow, and looked sheepishly back at her.

Willow just gazed back at him, a smile washing over her features. She knew he’d had a thing for her best friend, and now she had her proof. When she’d seen the two of them earlier it’d been like two people made for each other. And when they’d been friends you just had to watch the way Spike looked at the blond, with such adoration in his eyes, it was sweet. But Buffy had always been blind to what was right in front of her, going for Angel over her friend and not seeing what could have been right for her. Now Willow knew there was a chance she could have the happy ending they both deserved. “Spike, don’t worry, I know you like Buffy, I just hope we can get her to see that you’re perfect for her.”

“Really? You approve? Wait, you think we can show her? You think she’d ever like me like that?” He looked so hopeful that Willow almost laughed, but instead nodded, and looked towards the front door. He turned the handle, expecting to see arguing, or hair pulling or some such, but what greeted him was almost worse. Buffy was curled up asleep on the step, dry tear tracks on her cheeks. She’d clearly cried herself to sleep after seeing Dru.

Willow stepped outside, her heart warming at the sight of Spike bent down by her friend’s side, his hand stroking her cheek. As he did, Buffy seemed to nuzzle into his hand like a kitten, and Willow actually did let out a little “aww!” before she giggled. “Spike, I’d better get off now, you’ll be ok here?” she said, coming to stand in front of him on the steps.

“Yeah, red, I’ll be fine, you get yourself home. I can manage here fine. You need a ride? I can put her upstairs and…” Willow held up a hand, shaking her head in decline of his offer. “Right, well, if you’re sure!” He watched as she turned and went to walk away, getting half way down the front path before turning again.

She looked back at Spike, and said “Tell her I’ll phone her in a couple days? And if she needs me email cos I’ll be at Tara’s. I’ll let her explain that one to you.” She took another couple of steps, turned again, and finished with “Look after her Spike. She needs you, as much as you need her” before walking away and not looking back.

He turned back to Buffy, lifting her easily in his arms. She gripped onto his shirt automatically, shifting and nuzzling into his embrace knowing she was safe. “You hear that love? You need me as much as I need you apparently. We’re meant to be.”

Chapter 6 – Rememberance

Spike stood in the doorway to Buffy’s bedroom. It was funny how quickly it had become her bedroom and not the ‘guest room’ any more. He watched her lying on the bed. He’d taken her shoes off and pulled the covers up and over her to get her warm after her time out on the porch. As he stood looking over her, he remembered when she’d first introduced Drusilla into their lives, and what’d happened.

*”Spike, I’d like for you to meet Drusilla Andrews,” Buffy said, waving her hand from Spike’s direction towards the dark haired woman standing to her left. “She’s just started working at mom’s gallery, and she came from England, London to be exact. I figured you might be able to take her to the Bronze tonight. Mom asked me, but Angel and I have plans. We’re going to the point, and we’d go to the Bronze instead, but it’s out one month anniversary…”

Spike didn’t want to hear any more, and so instead took Dru’s small hand in his and brought it to his lips, placing a small kiss on the back of it before slowly placing it down by her side in a move to show Buffy it was ok and get her to drop the subject. “Pleasure would be all mine love” he said, staring into Dru’s eyes before looking back over at Buffy. He tried to not let the fact that all he wanted to do was shove this ‘Dru’ out of the way and sweep the blond up into his arms instead. She seemed so pleased that he was willing to go along with her plan, that he didn’t have the heart to say no to her. The smile she had on her face was enough for him to put up with the new girl, and maybe he’d be able to get all nostalgic and remember his childhood by hearing a British accent other than one from his father.

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Later that night, Dru was sat on his lap in the Bronze. They were getting on extremely well. They were having fun, and had had a little to drink, just enough to make them more relaxed. They’d danced a bit, which was highly unusual for Spike, and had been talking about growing up in London. It had turned out that they had once lived round the corner from each other in North London. Dru had been talking quieter for a while, meaning she’d had to sidle closer for Spike to be able to hear what she was saying. He’d stroked the side of her arm, and she’d taken that as a cue that he liked her as much as she seemed to him, and she’d come back from the bathroom 5 minutes later and moved straight to his lap.

She was nibbling on his neck, and whispering into his ear. She was almost doing a good job of distracting him from thinking about Buffy every 3 seconds. He was starting to think she’d be good for him, he could start seeing her, and he might even forget his feelings for his best friend. As she began to pull his earlobe into his mouth, he spotted a familiar dark head of hair heading back towards the toilets.

He couldn’t understand why Angel seemed to be there, heading towards the toilets in the back of the club, but there he was. He turned to Dru, who had her hand under his shirt stroking his abdomen, and stopped her hand from wandering down south; he took hold of her wrist, gently but firmly. “Listen Dru, I’m gonna go use the bathroom, I’ll be back in a minute”.

He moved to stand, Dru taking the hint and getting up off of his lap. Spike was too busy worrying about why Angel was there, and if Buffy was ok to notice Drusilla’s “hurry back love”, whispered into his ear. He moved through the throng of dancers, passed the stairs that led up to the balcony, and out into the hallway that the toilets were located in. he barged into the men’s room, and noticed the sound of grunting coming from the third stall. He pushed open the door, and as he did, it opened easily. *Stupid wanker didn’t even think to lock the door* he thought to himself, as the scene was presented to him.

Angel was sat on the toilet lid, trousers at his ankles, a dark female head between his legs. He suddenly realized he and his female ‘companion’ had an audience, and pushed at her head, forcing her to stop what she was doing, and scramble to her feet when she noticed the blonde’s presence. The girl then pushed past Spike, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and running out the door. “Spike, this isn’t what it looks like”, Angel began.

Spike’s face was a picture of anger as he asked “where’s Buffy, you prat? You’re actual girlfriend that is.” He cocked his head in the direction of the door the brunette woman had just left through. “Does that bird matter that much to you that you’d ruin what you and Buffy have, over a crap fuck in a club bathroom?!” from the look on Angel’s face, he seemed to be regretting it already. *at least he knows he’s don’t wrong here* Spike thought to himself as he waited for the other guy to answer.

Angel looked down at himself, realizing for the first time he still had his trousers at his ankles, and stood to pull them up as he begun his explanation. “That girl was Amy, she’s my ex…we were together two years. She was here with her friends, having a leaving party. She’s moving away for college. Doesn’t want to go to USC, not like me, wants to move away from here. I haven’t seen her in 6 months, it was a goodbye thing. I swear, please, don’t tell Buffy, it didn’t mean anything. I…I think I love Buffy. I’ve never felt this strongly before. I just, I haven’t had sex in 2 months, Buffy wants to wait, and then, I walked in here and saw Amy tonight and I lost control. It will NEVER happen again, I swear”. He finally stopped to take a breath. His cheeks had drained of colour, and Spike would have felt sorry for him if he didn’t hate him quite so much.

“Where is she…?” Spike asked, his eyes not giving away as to his decision. When Angel didn’t appear to be about to reply, he continued “Buffy, where is Buffy?” He slowed his words down as though he were speaking to a young child, and punched his fist against the wall separating the toilet from the next stall over.

Angel blinked, realising the man in front of him meant business. He was bigger than the blond, as well as two years older, but he’d heard stories from Buffy about the way he was in gym class, lifting his own weight, and fighting one of the football jocks that’d tried it on with her once. “I, I took her home. We were at The Point, and she got a phone call. Someone from the gallery or something, saying her mom was going home. I dropped her back at her place and came straight here. I saw Amy at the bar, you know the rest”. He had the decency to look down at the floor in shame for his earlier actions.

Spike had left the stall during the explanation of the evening’s activities, and was currently pacing up and down in front of the sinks. He turned to Angel, more worried about Buffy and her mum than of the idiot watching him. “Right, if this won’t happen again…” Angel interrupted him with an ‘I swear, it was a one time only thing’, and Spike just carried on as if he’d never uttered a word. “…then I’m going home. I don’t want to hear any more of your talking. My date’s outside, I’ll take her home, then go see if Joyce is alright”. He turned and left the bathroom after one more look at the other man. He wasn’t yet sure if he’d tell Buffy of what he’d seen.

He went back out into the club, telling Dru he had to leave. She told him she’d stay a little longer and make her own way home. He left the club, climbing into his beloved Desoto parked out front, and hightailed it to his place. When he got there, he noticed Buffy sat on the porch, and went over to her. It broke his heart to see the tears on her cheeks, she looked exhausted. “Hey, love, what’s wrong?”

She looked up, startled as she hadn’t seen him approaching, and gave him a watery smile. “Hi. I’m ok, it’s just mom, she had another headache and came home from the gallery early. She blacked out, so they told her to come home and rest. She told me she made an appointment with the Dr for tomorrow, so hopefully they’ll be able to see what’s wrong with her. I’m worried Spike. She’s all Dawn and I have.”

He gave her a sympathetic look that told her he was there for her, and told her “It’s alright love, I’m sure everything will be fine. Your mum’s a strong one, it’s where you get your strength from after all, yeah?” she nodded at him, and got up from the step, about to head inside, but bent her head down and kissed him on the cheek. He was startled, and as she left to go inside to retire for the night, he missed her “goodnight Spike”. He sat there for a long time after that, with his hand against his cheek.*

Spike was brought out of his memories as her heard Buffy turning over. He looked towards the bed, where she was waking up, and looking around in confusion. He moved over to the bed and sat on the edge, his hand moving to smooth her hair down. “It’s alright love, I brought you inside. You fell asleep out the front. It’s late, you go back to sleep now, yeah?” she nuzzled into his hand, still sleepy, reached up, and laced their fingers together, pulling him to lay beside her. She drifted back to sleep, Spike not having the willpower to leave just yet, so he place a kiss into her hair and closed his own eyes, drifting off into dreams of his own.

Chapter 7 – Awakenings

Buffy was having the nicest dream, so nice she didn’t want to wake up. She was somewhere in between the place where the dream world meets reality, and she felt loved and at peace. She tried to drift back into the peaceful dream she’d been having, moving to roll onto her stomach where she usually slept better. However, as she went to turn, an arm tightened its hold around her waist, and she heard a murmur of “Go back to sleep, love” from behind her. In the half awake state she was in, she couldn’t tell if it was in her dream or part of reality, so she just shut her brain off from thinking too much and drifted back into dreamland.

It felt like minutes later when an alarm started to pierce through the layers of sleepy fog that had held the blond woman comatose, and she blindly reached her right arm over to hit the machine, which stopped, waiting for 5 minutes before it would disrupt her slumber a following time. This time when it started, before she had a chance to reach out and switch it off she was startled by a “Why the hell is that thing going off so much love?! I’m trying to sleep here!” As her bed companion spoke, she was roused from her sleep in a way that her alarm had never managed before.

She sat up so fast her head spun, and she clutched it in her hands, moaning. “Jesus Spike, are you trying to kill me?! What the hell are you doing in my bed?! What happened last night, I don’t remember…? Oh my God, we didn’t…?” She trailed off, her face flushing at the mere thought of what she was trying to say to him.

He chuckled, trying to hide his disappointment of the fact that she’d woken up in despair at the thought of sleeping with him. ”Don’t worry pet, nothing happened. Look at your clothes, your virtue’s still intact. You fell asleep outside on the porch. Willow told me Dru turned up, I was about ready to go kill her, came outside and there you were, soundo, so I scooped you up and brought you up here. Didn’t think you’d wanna sleep out there where any nasty could get hold of ya.”

She looked down at the comforter she was covered in, playing with a loose thread holding one of its sequins on it in place. She seemed deep in thought, remembering last nights ‘encounter’ with Dru. She remembered her words, *You and William, you have passion. You smoulder when you’re together, you can feel the heat all around you.* Then she remembered how she’d woken up earlier, now realising that it wasn’t a dream, it had been Spike’s arm wrapped around her, and she wondered if that was why she felt like she’d slept a thousand years rather than the mere 7 hours she’d actually been asleep. “Spike, why were, well, ARE you here? In my bed, I mean? You’ve been here all night, right?” She waited for his nod, before continuing. “But I don’t understand why…your room’s right down the hall, you could’ve gone there easily.” She looked into his eyes, and then wished she hadn’t.

He felt upset that she was reacting to sleeping next to him like this. He couldn’t understand how Willow thought they’d get Buffy to realise that they’d be good together. As she looked up at him, he knew his feelings were written all over his face, as she looked apologetic for asking, and looked down where her hands were still fiddling with the loose sequin. “Actually love, when I brought you in here, you held onto my hand. Rolled over so it was trapped under you, I couldn’t get it back without waking you again, and I didn’t wanna do that, so I lay down next to you, thought I’d wait till I could get it back without disturbing your sleep. Must’ve fallen asleep myself, I’m sorry love.” He watched as her face flushed pink, finding it adorable as hell.

She felt so embarrassed, here she was asking why he was in her room and it was her fault all along. “I’m sorry, God, I’m so stupid! I just, Dru said some stuff last night and I just, I don’t know, felt weird when I woke up next to you. I’m sorry.” She moved to get up out of the bed, heading towards the bathroom. She turned back when Spike, who had followed her movements, reached out and grasped her hand. The slightest brush of his fingers on hers had her feeling slightly weak at the knees, and she couldn’t for the life of her fathom why.

Spike waited for her to turn around, noticing her grip on his hand tighten, and her palm become slightly sweaty. He heard her take a deep breath before she turned around to face him, and if she didn’t seem so confused he would have been worried about her. However, the way her gaze was fixed on their interlocked fingers intrigued him, and he wondered if maybe there was a chance that she’d offer him the barest crumb of a chance to prove that he was worth her time. “We’re ok, right love?” he asked, and her head snapped up to lock her gaze with his.

As his words filtered through to the part of her brain that was marveling over how well their fingers seemed to fit together, she looked up at him. “What?” she asked, having him repeat the question, before thinking it over. “We’re fine Spike, just peachy!” she replied, flashing him a mega-watt smile before sliding her hand from his as she turned and made her way into the bathroom.

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Willow noticed her friend walk in the door of the Espresso Pump, and waved her over to the table in the corner that she’d saved for them. Buffy noticed her, and went to the counter, placing her order and moving on to the table the redhead was sat at with her laptop. “Hey Wills!” She placed her purse on one of the chairs, before taking a seat herself. She seemed a little off, and Willow started to wonder what was going on.

“Everything ok, Buff?” she asked, looking at the blond as if she was waiting to hear the biggest secret in the world. Buffy looked at her, wondering whether she could really say what she wanted to tell her friend. She knew that she’d understand, but she wasn’t sure of anything herself right now. So, she took a deep breath, before putting her words together in one sentence, making it very hard for Willow to understand what the hell she’d said.

“IthinkI’mfallingforSpike!” Buffy said, without taking a single lungful of air. Willow looked at her like she’d grown two heads, indicating that she wanted her friend to repeat what she’d said, but before she could, the waitress came over with the order Buffy had placed when she had entered the coffee house, and placed the steaming cappuccino mugs and two cakes on the table between the pair.

Willow thanked the waitress, before turning to Buffy. “Ok, once more, with clarity please!” she said, and watched as the other woman reached out to pick one of the cakes from the middle of the table. She started to pull the cake into little pieces in a nervous manner, and then put one piece into her mouth, making Willow get impatient that she was procrastinating so much. “BUFFY!” she almost shouted, letting her friend know she meant business, and paired with her resolve face, got the reaction she was hoping for.

Buffy placed the rest of the cake onto the plate, took another deep breath, before looking up at Willow and then down again. She rung her hands together, not knowing what to do now she’d put the cake down. “I think I’m falling for Spike…I,I mean, I don’t know, it’s weird, I don’t know what’s happening, Wills, I don’t know what to do!” Her eyes began to fill with tears, but she refused to let them fall, instead looking up at the woman opposite her and waiting for her to speak. What she didn’t expect was the grin on her friends face.

Willow reached across the table, stilling Buffy’s still moving hands. She ran her fingers over the back of her palms, trying to comfort her friend as best she could. “Buffy, its ok. This is a good thing, ok? It means you’re moving on from Angel. Ok, so Spike’s your best friend, but still, he’s a hottie! He cares about you and he won’t hurt you. What makes you think you’re falling for him anyway?” she asked, not wanting to give anything of Spike’s feelings for her away. It was his responsibility to do that.

Buffy looked at her friend, and remembered back to the day before in the kitchen, when they’d been so close. “It started yesterday. He made me breakfast in bed, pancakes. He put a rose in a vase, and I realised Angel had never done anything like that. He was so caring, Wills. Then later, in the kitchen, he was helping me with the cooking, and…God, it was just amazing, we were just cooking, but we had a moment…A very close, non-friend moment. Then I woke up with him this morning…nothing happened”, she hastened to add, when she saw the look on Willow’s face, and it changed back to one of understanding when she said that. “He fell asleep cos I wouldn’t let his hand go last night, and he was tired. It felt right, waking up with him, and then he grabbed my hand, and I swear Will, the tingles I felt go up and down my arm from where he touched me? I’ve never felt anything like it.”

Willow looked deep in thought for a moment, and then opened her mouth to start talking. Buffy had been certain she’d try and warn her off of the idea, but she seemed more pleased than anything. “Buffy, do you think you’d try anything, like a relationship with him?” She seemed to be encouraging Buffy to go for it, and it was confusing her friend to no end.
She thought about it, and said “I don’t know, I mean, I’ve just got out of a relationship…but I think I want to. Yeah, I’d like to try something, but I don’t know if he even would. Can we talk about something else? Please? I wanna hear about Tara, you didn’t give me enough details! When can I meet her?? Willow let Buffy change the subject away from her, happy for now that she seemed open to the idea of her and Spike.

For the rest of the afternoon, they talked about Willow’s new relationship and planned for Buffy and Spike to meet her at her birthday party in a week’s time. They caught up on other gossip that they’d missed out on, and made plans to phone each other in a few days to confirm plans for Tara’s birthday party, and then Buffy left to go home to see her best friend.