Chapter 1: A Rude Awakening

Buffy choked as the first breath of air in months entered her lungs. She dry heaved, trying to get accustomed to the feel of the organs full of oxygen. Instinct told her she had to get out before she suffocated, so she began punching and kicking the wooden ceiling with every ounce of energy, she had. Her hand finally broke through and dirt covered her. When she opened her mouth, the flavor of it assaulted her taste buds. She coughed to rid herself of the offending soil, only to have it fall farther down her throat, making the task of breathing almost impossible.

Her hands were bleeding and dirt was covering her from head to toe. Her lungs and throat burned from the new, sudden intake of oxygen and its immediate absence shortly after. Her muscles ached from being dormant for so long and then the sudden constant banging on her dirt grave. When she finally felt cold air on her skin, she knew she had made it to the surface. Digging deep to find one last bit of strength; she managed to slowly pull herself out of the ground.


She growled. It was low; animalistic and it came from deep within her. Anger fueled her as she made her way out of the cemetery, her steps slow. Her brain was still unable to function properly and the enormity of being alive once again had yet to seep through the fog that clouded her thoughts. She walked past the gate of Restfield Cemetery and onto the main road. The night was eerily silent and something inside her told her that it was a bad sign.

She rounded the corner, only to be confronted by the loud noise of motorcycle engines and the brightness of the bikes’ lights. She squinted through her blurred vision and noticed the grotesque creatures atop the vehicles. The sudden attack on her depleted senses elicited another, angrier growl from her throat and she took a step back.

One of the biker demons heard her and turned around, grinning menacingly.

“Well, looky here boys. The Slayer is alive after all,” He laughed.

The other demons had stopped their cycles to look at Buffy. She finally realized they had been circling something on the ground. From where she stood, it looked like a human. This angered her even more. She stepped forward once more, an icy glare on her face; her slayer side had recognized the demon threat and was ready for a fight. One of the demons hopped of his bike and headed for Buffy; figuring it would be an easy kill thanks to her confused state.

Buffy grabbed a nearby plank of wood that was leaning against a building and hurled it at the approaching demon. It hit him square in the face and he fell to the ground, unconscious. Two more demons charged her and she easily dispatched of them by jumping into the air and simultaneously kicking them in the torso. She grabbed another wooden plank from the pile against the building and shoved it through the chest of the one of the demons on the ground.

Another grabbed her from behind, trying to choke her. She easily flipped him on his back, smashing the plank through his face. With two dead and two unconscious demons on the ground surrounding her, Buffy looked up at the Hellion gang, a menacing look in her eyes, daring them to challenge her.

They knew better.

The two demons on the ground were left to fend for themselves as their gang made a quick exit out of town. With a grunt, Buffy threw the plank back against the pile. She walked up to the human on the ground, which with further inspection, she discovered was a woman. Buffy bent down and a chill ran down her spine. The women resembled her.

But she was too traumatized and indifferent to mourn the loss of the robot so she continued her journey down the street, her destination unknown. The reality of her situation was too much for her to handle, so she closed off her emotions, letting the demon within her completely take over.

She could hear the thunder of a motor in the distance, and as it got louder, Buffy instinctively took a fighter’s stance. The bike appeared over the hill, speeding towards her. She put a hand over her still sensitive eyes to shield them from the harsh, bright light. Buffy was surprised when the bike stopped a few feet away from her. A blonde man jumped off and sauntered towards her.

“Come on, nuts-and-bolts, better get you back to Red. Make sure you’re not too roughed up.” Spike went to grab Buffy’s arm, but she flinched away.

His eyebrows lifted in surprise at the reaction then he tilted his head in question.

“Oh, my God! Buffy!” Dawn ran past him and enveloped her sister in a hug. “I can’t believe it’s really you!” Buffy pushed Dawn away harshly. The hurt look on the brunette’s face caused an emotion deep down in the slayer to stir, but it was not enough for her to react.

“Dawn, come here,” Spike said sternly, sensing the danger radiating from Buffy. Dawn turned hurt and confused eyes on him. She hesitated for a moment before making her way behind the vampire.

“Spike, what’s going on?! How is she back? What’s wrong with her?” Dawn was hysterical.

“Ssh, niblet, calm down,” He regarded the blonde in front of him, taking in her dirty and bloodied hands and the threatening glare that was permanently on her face. Bloody hell. She dug her way out. His undead heart ached at the revelation. He wasn’t going to begin to question the reasons the girl he loved was standing a few feet away, but the thought of her waking up in a grave was almost too much to bear. “If you’re trying to scare me, Slayer, you’ll have to do better than that,” He showed some fang, putting his words into action.

To his surprise, she growled.

He heard Dawn gasp from behind him and he growled back, his eyes flashing amber, to show Buffy his dominance. When she didn’t back down, he changed into gameface. After a moment that felt like a century, the threatening look slowly left her eyes as she backed down. “That’s good, kitten,” Spike took a tentative step towards her. When she did not flinch away, he took it as a good sign. He extended his hand once again, “Come to Spike. Let’s get you cleaned up,” His voice was gentle, his face kind.

She timidly reached for his hand. When she finally placed her small one in his, he held tightly and pulled her towards him, wanting to reassure himself that she wasn’t going to try to escape.

After some growling, fighting and a little bruising, Spike finally managed to get on the motorcycle seat with Buffy on his lap. Her smell was intoxicating as it surrounding him, taunting him. He took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions.

Dawn, still apprehensive about her sister, climbed up behind him and wrapped her arms securely around his waist. With both Summers girls successfully on the bike, Spike kicked the motor into gear and headed towards 1630 Revello Drive.

TBC.

Chapter 2: Buffy:MIA


Buffy didn’t know what had compelled her to take Spike’s hand a few minutes ago. Maybe part of her had reached out to him in that moment, wanting to accept the strength and protection he was offering. Or it was that he didn’t seem scared of her. Buffy didn’t exactly know but something inside her had just wanted to be sheltered from the pain and suffering she was dealing with after being resurrected.

Now, being in Spike’s lap had unnerved her; all the emotions that had greeted her when she first returned were back, and she was too weak to stop them. For the second time that night, Buffy gave in to the Slayer inside her, letting it deal with the feelings that she herself could not.

She began to move around on Spike’s lap, trying to get off. He wrapped one arm firmly around her waist to hold her in place, which only caused to anger her. She started to wiggle and kick, scratching at him as she tried to free herself; growls reverberated through her throat, her nails dug into his shoulder.

The growls and pain in his shoulder intensified with her increase in movement. He growled, hoping it would have the same success as before, but it fell on deaf ears.

Spike’s hand tightened its possessive grip on Buffy’s waist. It infuriated her. Doing the only thing left she could to free herself from his grasp, she punched him. Immediately, he released her and put a hand to his nose.

“Fuck!” Buffy jumped off the bike and took off at a sprint. Spike pulled his hand away to see blood covering it.

Stupid bitch. She always goes for the soddin’ nose!

“Buffy, stop!” Dawn yelled from behind him, her question bringing Spike back to the problem at hand.

“Her mates aren’t going to be happy ‘bout this,” he groaned.

“Crap. Now what are we gonna do?” Dawn asked with a hint of anger in her voice.

They were only a block away from the house and Spike figured going after Buffy right now, without backup, wouldn’t be the best idea. “I dunno, pet. I guess we’ll go back to the homestead and get the Scoobs together. See if we can suss out what to do ‘bout Wild Thing, ” he wiped at his nose, the bleeding had already stopped thanks to his vampire healing.

The blonde sighed. It was going to be a long night.

***

“You what?!” Xander yelled, throwing his hands up in an angry gesture.

“We didn’t mean to! She was different. She was mean, and… she wasn’t Buffy.” Dawn tried to explain to her friends what had happened. She didn’t know how Buffy had come back and frankly, she didn’t care. Her sister was alive and Dawn was no longer alone. Yes, Spike had taken care of her all summer, but it wasn’t the same as having Buffy there.

“What do you mean different?” Willow asked softly; hurt shining through her green eyes.

“She was like an animal. Growlin’, scratchin’, the like.” the vampire ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“We didn’t mean to… I thought it didn’t work. Oh, God!” Willow sat down on the couch, her mouth was open in shock.

Spike turned to her, lifting his brows in understanding then pointing an accusing finger at the witch, “You did this, Red?! Without even tellin’ me? I worked beside you all summer. Took care of niblet and… oh, I get it. You knew she might come back wrong and that I wouldn’t let you get rid of whatever came back. Well, congrats, you created a monster and I still found out!” Spike was getting angrier by the second as everything unfolded before him. “You daft bint! She had to dig herself out of the bleeding coffin!”

Willow was shaking her head let the tears fall freely. In the midst of trying to save her best friend, she had ultimately betrayed her.

“If what Spike said is really true, Buffy is probably dangerous right now. I think our first priority should be to find her, before she hurts anyone else.” Tara spoke up from in the foyer.

“And how are we gonna do that?” Xander asked.

“Well, if she is as creep as Spike says, than we could probably just follow the path of dead bodies.”

“Anya, not helping!”

“What! Just making a suggestion.”

“Everyone shut up! Buffy back and even though she’s a little…different, she’s still my sister. We have to find her.”

Tara walked over to Dawn and put a comforting arm around her, “We’ll find her Dawnie, don’t worry.”

“Look, I know her scent. Why don’t I see if I can track her?” Spike started heading out the door but Xander stopped him.

“What makes you think you’re even a part of this, Evil Undead? You’re the one who lost her in the first place. I think you’ve helped enough already,” Xander said sarcastically.

Spike rolled his eyes, “Look, I really don’t care what you lot think. You’re the wankers who brought her back in the first place, so don’t go blamin’ me for your royal screw up. I’m going to find the Slayer.” He slammed the door behind him and headed off into the night.

“What should we do? I can’t just sit here and do nothing.” Willow’s voice was small and worried.

Dawn, sick of feeling useless, started giving out instructions, embracing her sister’s previous role of group leader, “Xander, Anya, go check out the cemeteries.” Xander nodded and pulled Anya out the door with him. “Tara and Willow, do a locater spell.”

“Dawn, I’m so sorry. I never wanted it to happen like this.” Willow was filled with guilt over the whole situation, taking the blame for the majority of it.

“Willow, just go do the spell. Apologize later.” Dawn was filled with determination. She had lost her sister once already; she didn’t think she could handle it again.

“I’m going to call Giles.”

To Be Continued.

Chapter 3: Lost and Found

Dawn sighed as she hung up the phone. She had spent the last twenty minutes telling Giles everything that had happened. He felt the same betrayal and anger over being unaware as Dawn did.

“What did Giles say?” Willow wondered when Dawn came back into the living room. The teen took a quick glance at the witch and settled down on the couch next to Tara. She was still angry with her, but she knew that Willow felt horrible about the outcome of her spell.

“There were a bunch of ‘good Lords’ and ‘oh, dears’. He’s pretty upset. He said he would get the earliest flight he could. Probably won’t get here until tomorrow night at the earliest. Any luck with the locater spell?”

Willow shook her head, “It keeps showing us the cemetery. I guess the spell still thinks Buffy’s… gone.”

Dawn sighed again as Tara wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. She really hoped the others were having better luck in finding her sister.

***

Spike’s fists clenched along his sides as he tightened his jaw and closed his eyes, trying unsuccessfully to calm himself. He could not believe they would turn against him so quickly. He had fought along side them all summer, saved their ungrateful asses countless times, and the second the Slayer comes back into their lives, albeit different, they go right back to hating him. Okay, so maybe it was mainly the whelp, Spike was still brassed.

The vampire pulled a cigarette from the crushed pack in his pocket and brought it to his lips. He lit it, letting the nicotine settle some of his agitated nerves. He needed to find Buffy. He took a few drags as he walked and contemplated what to do once he found her. She was in a feral state but had seemed to calm down for a while with him. Maybe he could get her to relax again. It sure as hell would make getting her home easier.

He came to a stop when he reached his destination. He took one last long drag of the cigarette before twisting it beneath his boot. He could smell her here, the place where she jumped off the bike. Spike growled. He should have just knocked her out. Sure, the Slayer would have been right pissed when she came to but at least she would be home safe.

Spike shook his head, ridding himself of the negative thoughts. Thinking about what he should have done was not going to bring his slayer back. Closing his eyes and inhaling, he noticed the Slayer’s scent and stalked in the direction it led.

***

“I just don’t see why we can’t tell them,” Anya practically whined, “Good news equals happy feelings. Happy feelings equal less sad and worried ones. It’s a process.”

Xander fought back the impulse to yell. Was it possible to knock yourself out? “Look, Ahn, I get that you wanna help but now isn’t the time. We have to find Buffy and figure out what’s wrong and how the heck to fix it. Everything is too chaotic right now. Ergo the bad timing.”

“That’s exactly why we should tell them!” Anya countered as they wondered through yet another cemetery.

“No!” Xander was getting frustrated. He loved the girl, but sometimes he really questioned why, “Everyone has too much on their plates right now. The buffet can’t get any bigger. As soon as we figure out what to do about Buffy, we’ll tell them.” He stopped and turned to her, placing a hand on each of her shoulders, “I promise we’ll tell them. We’ll tell everyone. You can even get a blimp if you want,” he smiled, “Just wait a little longer.” He kissed her forehead and sighed, “I don’t think Buff is here. Might as well go back to Command Central and see if they’ve had any luck.” He turned and started back towards Revello Drive.

After a moment, Anya followed, calling after him, “Can I at least show them my ring?”

***

His surroundings were getting more familiar as Spike followed the Slayer’s musk. This was a part of Sunnydale that he rarely ventured to, he usually only came here when he was trying to hide out from some demon or lay low in order to avoid the wrath of Angry Buffy. Ironic how he was now here searching for her.

A sudden realization halted Spike in his tracks; the familiarity of the rundown buildings and shadowed alleys hitting him like a ton of bricks. This was where he and the Scoobies had been that horrible day.

How they found Glory.

“Bugger,” he snarled and took off at a run down the street.

***

Buffy stood at the top of the tower, looking down on the cement below. She pictured the bright portal that had taken her life; lighting bolts flying in every direction, creating cracks in the unsuspecting earth, and bringing forth monsters of a nightmare’s creation.

Silent tears fell down her cheeks as she remembered her words to Dawn. She visualized the pain in her sister’s eyes when she realized what Buffy was about to do. In that moment on the tower, the Slayer had found the peace she had been searching for so desperately. All of her questions finally answered.

Now she was back to the harsh reality of her life.

A yell of her name pulled her out of her reverie. Spike was now below her looking up, begging her to come down. She shook her head in the negative. Living was too hard now; she knew what Heaven was like.

“Buffy, luv, listen to me,” Spike shouted from the ground, “You have to come down. That tower doesn’t look too stable and I don’t exactly fancy watchin’ you die again, not to mention the mess you’ll make if you fall.” He attempted at humor but it was useless.

The Slayer just stood there, looking down at him unseeing. Her expression was painfully confused and lost and Spike wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms. He growled when he realized she wasn’t going to come down.

He took the steps up the tower two at a time, his vampire speed helping him get to her even faster. He stopped when he reached the top, not wanting to crowd her, “Slayer… Buffy.”

She flinched when he spoke her name and looked at him over her shoulder.

“Look, pet, I don’t rightly know how you’re back but I’m not goin’ to lie and say I’m upset about it. When you died, I felt empty. I wanted to meet the sun that mornin’ but my promise to protect the Bit stopped me. We mourned your death… all of us. I went to your grave every night. I was finally acceptin’ that you weren’t comin’ back to me. Learnin’ to move on an’ then I saw you in that alley.” He sighed and ran a hand through his unruly curls.

She was watching him intently and he took it as a good sign. Feeling more confident, Spike took a small step forward and spoke again, “I don’t know what happened to you while you were away, but you can get through it. You’re strong, Slayer. It’s a reason I love you. Please, pet, be strong again. For me. For the Bit. Please Buffy, I can’t lose you again,” his voice was pleading as he finished.

Buffy stared at him for a long moment then turned away, looking back down at the ground. If his heart could beat, it would have stopped at that moment.

She finally turned back to him and took cautious steps in his direction. Spike wanted to jump with joy. Instead, he held out his hand, beckoning her towards him, “That’s right, sweet.”

When she reached him, Spike pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her protectively. That’s when the tower began to sway.

Chapter 4: Fall from Grace

Spike clung tightly to Buffy as the tower started to shake around them, the sound of rickety metal swaying in the wind filling his ears. Buffy was holding him with all of her slayer strength. Her arms wrapped securely around his neck and her face buried against his chest, as if it was a burrow and she was attempting to hide away from the world.

He whispered loving words to her when her heart rate picked up and he slowly walked backwards toward the metal stairs. He put one arm behind Buffy’s back and the other under her knees and picked her up, then turned to head down the stairs. After a few steps, the tower made a threatening creak in the silent night and dust began to fall around him. He knew the tower would fall at any moment and even his supernatural speed might not be enough to save them.

He looked down at the girl in his arms, clinging to him like a lost child. She had changed from dangerous and wild to scared and lost in a matter of hours. It worried him. Another loud creak brought Spike out of his thoughts and back to the current dilemma. He was far from the ground, yes, but closer to it than the last time he was on the tower. Spike made a quick decision. “It’s time to fly, pet.”

He leaped off the shaky metal and turned in the air so he would land on his back and take most of the impact. He took a deep breath to prepare himself for the inevitable pain that would follow his jump. He winced as he met the ground and then glanced back at the tower. It was swaying violently now and pieces of metal were falling to the ground. With a loud crash, it made its way to the pavement below, ending in a heap of dust and metal.

After a few moments of lying on the ground, Spike slowly sat up. He looked down at the Slayer in his lap. She was staring wide-eyed at the mess of metal on the ground. She seemed transfixed with it.

What’s happened to you, Slayer?

Spike pondered regretfully. He was angry with her friends for tampering with such powerful magic, but he understood their need to save Buffy. He couldn’t imagine what she had gone through after her fall from the tower and he couldn’t blame them for wanting to save her. Of course, Spike would never admit that to any of them. And he still believed it was wrong and irresponsible of them to leave him, Dawn and the Watcher uninformed.

“Come on, Slayer, let’s get you home.” He gently nudged her to stand up and followed after. His back ached from his fall and he could tell a few ribs had broken, but he’d been worse.

Buffy grabbed his arm when he stood up. She seemed to be more trusting of him now and didn’t want to be away from him. In another circumstance, he would have been ecstatic over her need for him, but not in this moment. He missed the fire in her eyes, the spirit in her soul. The person with him now was a shadow of that girl. It shattered his undead heart to see Buffy so broken.

He climbed up onto the motorcycle and this time Buffy did not fight him when he pulled her on his lap. She just curled up and buried her face against his chest again. He revved up the engine and headed back down the road to Buffy’s house.

***

Dawn was pacing back and forth in the foyer waiting for Spike to return. Xander and Anya had come back without her sister, leaving Spike as her only hope. She knew he wouldn’t give up looking for Buffy very easily, and she prayed that his determination would lead him to the Slayer in the end.

When a motorcycle engine roared to a stop in front of the Summers’ residence, Dawn jumped up with a yelp and made her way out the front door. The other Scoobies who had remained seated in the family room rose to their feet and ran to the doorway, hoping to find their friend with the vampire.

Buffy had clung to Spike the entire ride home and she seemed to be tightening her grip as he stopped the bike in front of her house. He attempted to force her off his lap, but she refused to budge and made a whining sound under her breath. With a sigh, Spike wrapped an arm under her legs and one around her waist and lifted her off the bike with him as he stood up. She laid her head against his shoulder.

Dawn ran to him, her eyes shined with unshed tears, “You found her! Thank you, Spike!” She wrapped her thin arms around both blondes in a tight hug.

Spike winced when her arms touched his injured back. “Oh, Spike, are you okay?” The younger Summers asked.

“Just had a fall. ‘S nothin’. I’ll mend.” He tried to shrug, but the action caused him more pain and the weight of the Slayer in his arms only exacerbated it.

He came through the door with Dawn on his heels and walked past the group in the foyer. Xander opened his mouth to make a comment, only to be stopped by Willow’s finger on his lips and a firm shake of her head.

“Where was she?” Tara asked after Spike had settled on the couch with Dawn next to him

“She was on that soddin’ tower the nut jobs built. ‘Bout to jump off.” He shook his head at the thought.

Willow put a shocked hand to her mouth, “She what? A-are you sure?” Her voice raised an octave.

“Positive,” Spike glared at the redhead, “I had to climb up there to get her down, and then the bleedin’ thing collapsed.”

The group crowded around the couple on the couch and Buffy let out a soft, yet menacing growl, causing them to step back.

“Buffy?” Willow’s face revealed her hurt feelings as she whispered the name.

“What’s wrong with her?! What did you do, Spike?!” Xander yelled at the vampire.

“I didn’t do a fuckin’ thing, you nit! Don’t blame this on me. I didn’t bring her back from the bloody grave!” He glared at the other man.

“Oh, so this is my fault, Lover Boy? I’m sure you’re overjoyed that Buffy’s back cause now you can start up your little obsession all over again.”

Spike growled at that, yellow flashed in his eyes as he tried to keep his demon at bay.

“Xander, shut up.” Dawn yelled with a ferocity that had never before been in her voice. She looked back at Buffy nestled protectively in Spike’s lap and gave her a gentle smile, “Hey, Buffy. It’s Dawn, your sister. Remember?”

The Slayer seemed to stare at her for a long moment, trying to determine whether she was a threat or not. Finally, she reached out her hand and cupped Dawn’s cheek. Dawn smiled at the act of recognition from her sister.

Willow took a tentative step forward and leaned over so she was eye level with Buffy. “Hey, Buffy,” she gave a little wave. Buffy only hissed in response. Willow jumped back and a look of hurt crossed her face, “Buffy, it’s okay. You’re safe now. We brought you back.”

“And look what it did.” Spike hissed.

Willow resembled an injured puppy as she tried to defend herself, “I-it was an accident. I didn’t mean to.”

Spike sighed as he laid his head on the back of the couch, then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

Tara noticed the tension in the room: Xander’s mixture of clenching fists and angry glares, Willow’s hurt and helpless demeanor, Spike’s protective, yet exhausted, disposition as her tried to control his demon. Lastly, she noticed Dawn. All of the girl’s attention was focused on her sister.

“M-maybe we should leave,” Tara spoke up from the corner of the room, “Let B-Buffy get some rest. Giles will be here tomorrow. We can figure out what to do then.”

Willow took a long glance a Buffy before nodding her head to agree with her girlfriend, “That’s probably a good idea.”

Tara gave a gentle smile to the three on the couch and then headed towards the door followed by Willow. Xander protested their departure, “Huh? We’re just gonna leave her here with Fang Boy?”

“Yes, Xander. Spike is the only one that Buffy seems to trust right now. Until Giles gets here, there’s nothing more we can do. Let it go,” Willow answered with her famous resolve face.

Xander sputtered, opening and closing his mouth in disbelief, “But-”

Anya slapped him on the arm, “Ah, Xander, grow up.” Then she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the doorway. With one last glance at the remaining residents of the house, Xander reluctantly followed the others out the door.

Chapter 5: Family

“We should get her cleaned up,” Dawn stated after a long silence in the family room, taking in Buffy’s unkempt and dirty appearance.

Spike glanced down at the girl nestled in his lap. Her hair was a disarray of tangled tresses, some of which were sticking to her dirt covered face. Dried blood that had been ignored crusted around her knuckles and her dress was ripped and dirtied at the bottom.

Spike sighed, “Yeah, s’pose we should.”

When he didn’t make a move to head upstairs, Dawn spoke up again, “That would involve leaving the couch.”

“Oh, right.”

He gently stood up to follow after Dawn, upstairs and towards the bathroom. The younger girl went to the tub and twisted the faucet to turn the water on, then ran her hands underneath the stream to check the temperature.

Spike stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching her. Suddenly, the realization of what “cleaned up” involved occurred to him, making him uncomfortable about proceeding into the bathroom. He knew that at this moment, Buffy wouldn’t mind him helping clean off the dirt and grime, but later on down the road, it would be a good reason for her to stake him, and Spike really didn’t want to give her one of those.

He cleared his throat to give his thoughts a voice, “Uh, Bit. I think this is all you. Don’t fancy becomin’ a pile a’ dust any time soon.”

Dawn turned to him with a bewildered expression before he gestured to the girl in his arms and her eyes widened in realization. “Oh, yeah. Duh.”

He removed his arm from behind knees, causing her to put her feet on the floor in order to support herself. She looked up into his eyes, questioning. “Okay, pet, this is where I leave you.” When she seemed to tense, Spike reassured her, “’S alright, luv. I’ll be right outside. You can trust Dawn here. She’ll clean you up real nice.” He gave her a gentle smile. That seemed to be enough for her, and she turned and walked over to Dawn. The other girl gave Spike a smile of both thanks and reassurance, then closed the bathroom door.

Spike leaned his forehead against the closed door, sighing to relieve some of the stress from his body. So many emotions were going through his mind at that moment that he didn’t know whether to cry from happiness or curse from anger. Now that Buffy was back in his unlife, now that he had been so close to her, held her in his arms, he never wanted to be away from her. He wanted to keep her safe from the pain the world could bring.

Nevertheless, he knew things could change in the blink of an eye, especially concerning Buffy. For all he knew, when that bathroom door opened she would yell at him for touching her, then throw him out of the house (possibly literally) and disinvite him forever.

He knew that was a possibility, and he was prepared. Another part of him, however, knew that something had changed between him and Buffy. She trusted him above anyone else -- above the people she claimed to love. Their last time alone together, at her house before the battle, things had shifted. Nothing monumental by any stretch, but something had changed. She no longer saw him as a monster, but as a man. That knowledge gave him the hope that things would be better between them in the future.

His head fought with his heart, telling him that that notion wasn’t possible. Buffy would never see him as more than a neutered animal. He punched the door, flaring his nostrils. This day had been one of the most stressful, confusing days of his existence and he really needed a nicotine fix. Hoping that leaving Buffy for a few minutes wouldn’t cause any harm, Spike went downstairs and out to the porch to smoke a much-needed cigarette.

***

The cigarette he smoked had only temporarily relieved Spike’s tension; now it was back, coursing through his bones, constricting his muscles. Dawn found him pacing in the hallway when she stepped out of the bathroom. The vampire stopped abruptly when he heard the door close, then turned worried eyes to Dawn.

“She’s fine, Spike.” Dawn answered his unasked question.

His shoulders slumped as he visibly relaxed in the hallway. He ran a hand through his blonde curls, causing the hair to stick out in numerous directions.

“Sit down. Relax,” Dawn was continuing, “I’m just grabbing some clothes, and then she’ll be right out.”

Spike just nodded before following Dawn into Buffy’s room and taking a seat on the bed. After a beat, he laid down on his back, throwing an arm over his eyes. After grabbing a shirt, jeans and undergarments from various drawers in Buffy’s dresser, Dawn turned to Spike. She smiled softly and shook her head at the blonde’s actions before leaving the bedroom.

A few minutes later, Spike sat up quickly when a clean and dressed Buffy entered the room, followed by Dawn. He smiled at the Slayer when she came to sit next to him. The dried blood had been cleaned from her hands, revealing the ragged scrapes underneath. The area around the cuts was an irritated red color from rubbing off the blood.

“Get the First Aid kit, pigeon,” Spike commanded, without looking at Dawn.

She left the room without hesitation and reentered a minute later with the kit in hand. Spike took some gauze and antiseptic from the box. “’S gonna sting, pet. But it’ll feel better. Promise.” Buffy nodded in understanding.

Spike sprayed the antiseptic on her injured knuckles. She hissed and tried to pull her hand away, but Spike held it. “Ssh. ‘S okay, pet.”

He finished cleaning her hands before gently wrapping them. The injuries would heal in a day or two because of her Slayer strength, but he still wanted to protect her from infection.

When he was done wrapping them, he just held her small hands in his. It still had yet to sink in that she was there, alive, touching him. Spike absentmindedly caressed the top of her hand with his thumb as he took in her appearance, re-memorizing it. Her confused and scared, but still trusting, hazel eyes mesmerizing him. The scent of vanilla radiating from her skin was extremely strong after her shower, and her pink lips were slightly open as she breathed. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and he was beyond thankful for her being back in his life.

He knew the months ahead would be difficult for her; he just hoped he could help her through them. If it was possible, he would trade places with her, but he knew, even on the Hellmouth, that wasn’t a likely option. However, he knew how she felt. He had risen from the dead 120 years before and he still remembered the feelings of waking up in a coffin, the confusion, the fear, the loneliness.

Of course, Drusilla and Angelus were there to help him adjust to life again. Without their protection and guidance, he knew he would not have survived. Their help was understood, a primal act passed on through generations of sire and childe, and wasn’t given freely, but they showed Spike his place in the world, gave him purpose, and made him part of a family, and deep-down he appreciated it.

Now his place was beside Buffy, (whether or not she wanted him there) and his purpose was to help her, whether it be on the battlefront or in her personal endeavors. In whatever way she needed him, he would be there, no questions asked, because she and Dawn were his family.

Chapter 6: Reinforcements

Spike paced in front of the foyer with his fists clenched at his sides, his knuckles white from the amount of pressure he was exerting. He had smoked through his entire pack of cigarettes an hour ago and he desperately needed something to relieve his irritation. He did not want to face what was coming. The thought of it brought him stress and worry, for himself as well as for Buffy.

In less than an hour, Giles was arriving at the airport.

The gang had already gone to the airport to greet him. Spike had received a call from Willow, telling him the time Giles was to arrive and that everyone would be meeting at Revello Drive when he got there. That was the reason he was now out of cigarettes.

Since last night, things with Buffy had been calm and quiet. After Dawn had cleaned her and Spike had wrapped her hands, she curled up on her bed and fell asleep. Spike knew she must have been exhausted from the events of the day; he knew he was. Instead of sleeping, however, he had stayed with her for a little while, watching her sleep and monitoring her breathing.

At one point during the night, she became restless. She started to scream and thrash on the bed, tears making wet trails down her cheeks. Immediately, he had wrapped her in his arms, whispering loving words to her and trying to calm her. He expected there to be nightmares. She had experienced something traumatic, and no matter where she had been, it would take a while for her to come to terms with being alive once more.

As he gently rubbed her back, rocking her like the scared child she resembled, she calmed down. Her breathing returned to normal as her heart rate slowed to a calmer pace. He sighed unnecessarily, happy that she seemed to be okay. He was even more reluctant to leave her after her nightmare, but he knew a night without sleep would have consequences, and he needed to be strong.

He eventually wandered downstairs to sleep on the couch, where he would hear Buffy or Dawn, if either were in trouble. Luckily, all three slept soundly through the night.

Up until this point, the day had been relatively stress-free. Buffy seemed to have calmed down immensely from the day before. Though she still hadn’t spoken, she had started to resemble her old self. A few times throughout the day, Spike had noticed familiar mannerisms in the small blonde: scrunching up her nose in dislike, a familiar look in her eyes when she disagreed with something. Even her stubbornness had made a cameo around lunch when she refused to eat what he had cooked.

It seemed that since he had rescued her from the tower, she was becoming more and more comfortable around him and Dawn. She was still somewhat jumpy, but that was understandable considering the circumstances. He just hoped she would continue making progress and that Giles arrival wouldn’t set her back.

Spike glanced into the living room where Dawn and Buffy were sitting on the couch. Buffy appeared to be on edge, probably caused by his nervous vibes. He knew she felt safe around Dawn and him, but the Scoobies were a different story. She knew they had put her in the position she was in now and she did nothing to try to hide her feelings of betrayal.

He jumped when he heard a car door slam out side. Running a hand through his blonde locks, Spike gritted his teeth. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now, but it was necessary to find out why Buffy had acted the way she had.

The headlights of the car shut off as five shadows made their way across the lawn towards the house. “Now or never, mate,” Spike mumbled to himself before opening the door for the group to enter.

“Giles.” Spike nodded in the Watcher’s direction as he walked through the threshold.

“Captain Peroxide, how is she?” was Xander’s greeting.

“Worse, I ‘spect, since you lot arrived,” the vampire replied while closing the door.

“Hey Buffy, we’re back. How are you?” Willow smiled politely at her best friend.

The blonde in question just looked at the group with wide eyes, unsure of how to react to their presence. Dawn wrapped a comforting arm around her sister’s shoulders.

“She still hasn’t said anything,” Dawn finally said when Willow looked disappointed at Buffy’s lack of response.

“Apart from that, how has she been today? Better I hope.” This came from Giles as he cleaned his glasses with a worn rag.

“Yeah. Still a little jumpy, but she’s calmed down since last night,” Spike answered from the doorway. His hands were in his duster pockets as he leaned against the wall. He had felt completely at home in the house with Dawn and Buffy there, but now with the rest of the gang there, he felt out of place and unwanted.

“Good. Good,” Giles said distractedly while putting his glasses back on and looking at Buffy.

When he didn’t say anything else, Spike felt obligated to give him more information, “She, uh, had a spell last night. Was cryin’ an’ thrashin’ around in her sleep. I got her to settle down and she was fine after that.”

“That’s to be expected, considering,” Giles replied.

In the meantime, Xander had moved to sit on the couch and Buffy had jumped in fear. She glared at him with cold eyes and made a threatening noise under her breath.

Xander looked hurt by her reaction. “Hey, Buff. It’s just me. The Xan-Man. No need to go all Hyde on me.”

Spike rolled his eyes at Xander’s stupidity and lashed out at the other man, “She doesn’t trust you, wanker. Can’t you see that? Get off the couch. Give her some soddin’ space!”

Xander glared but said nothing as he stood up from the couch.

“Are you completely mad?!” Giles’ angry voice broke the silence a few minutes later, “Were you even thinking when you did this?”

“We thought we were helping her,” Willow argued.

“This was a reckless and ignorant act. I would have expected more from you, especially you, Willow,” The watcher glared at the witch, his comment making it painfully obvious how disappointed he was in them. At that moment, Willow could say nothing to defend herself, and silently wished for the Hellmouth to open and swallow her. Tara rubbed her girlfriend’s arm soothingly, though she partly agreed with Giles. “You acted as children.”

“We couldn’t just leave her there, Giles!” Xander yelled.

“This does not concern what you should and should not have done. You tampered with powerful magics that can have disastrous consequences. You’re fortunate you didn’t open a portal to a hell dimension!” Giles sighed, closing his eyes and pinching his nose, “You should have contacted me first.”

“Well, you’re contacted now. How do we fix this?” Spike, who had remained uncharacteristically quiet until this point, spat, annoyed by the arguing and impatient to discover exactly why Buffy was acting the way she was.

Giles removed his glasses for the second time that night to clean them while saying, “From everything I’ve been told, this is a favorable consequence. I will have to research it further, but it seems Buffy has drawn into herself, allowing her Slayer tendencies to act for her. It is how she is managing the trauma.”

“Will she ever come out of it?” Dawn queried.

“In time, she will learn to live normally again, I believe she will come back to herself. However, the process cannot be forced. You must let her recover in her own time.”

“Is there anything we can do to move the process along?” Xander ventured, somewhat hesitantly.

“I would suggest giving Buffy her space. Do not crowd her, and be wary for signs of fear. Keep her here, we’re she feels safest.”

“That means Spike, you have to stay. She trusts you the most out of everyone here,” Dawn explained from her place on the couch.

Giles glanced up quickly, looking at Spike with questioning eyes, “Is that true? She trusts you?” His surprise was evident in his voice.

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic, Rupert.” Spike said, stepping away from the wall and walking towards the couch to sit next to Buffy.

“Interesting,” Giles mumbled to himself, before saying louder, “Well, I think this has been enough excitement for one night. I propose we meet tomorrow at the Magic Box for research.”

“I concur,” Dawn agreed while standing up to open the door, showing without words that the meeting was over.

The rest of the group was smart enough not to fight Dawn and the two angry Brits in the room. They headed out the door, heads bent in shame, like children in trouble with their parents.

Giles paused at the doorway and hugged Dawn, “It’s good to see you Dawn. I’m sorry it is under these circumstances.”

“Thanks, Giles.” Dawn gave him a squeeze before stepping back to let him leave the house and closing the door.

Chapter 7: One Step Forward…

“This is pointless,” Anya sighed, closing the open tome on the table in front of her. The group had researched all day and had found nothing; Giles’ theory was still the closest thing to an explanation for Buffy’s behavior.

Giles didn’t want to admit it, but he, too, felt any further research would be fruitless. He had hoped that there would be some mention of aftereffects of a resurrection spell such as this, but he was wrong. “I’m afraid you’re right.” Giles pulled off his glasses to clean them and thought for a moment.

“What about the Watchers’ Diaries?” Willow inquired.

“This is the only occurrence of a Slayer being resurrected. I don’t think the Diaries would be very forthcoming in this situation.”

“Well, the Council isn’t exactly known for sharing information. They probably wouldn’t tell you if this had happened before,” Anya offered.

Giles glared at her, but he knew she had a point. Ever since his fallout with Quentin on Buffy’s eighteenth birthday, the British man and his followers had kept information from him. On most days, he was glad Buffy had quit the Council and that he no longer had to follow their ridiculous rules, but sometimes, like now, he wished that he had remained an intricate part of the organization.

He sighed, “That may be true, but how do you suggest we gain that particular information, Anya?”

“Break into the Council,” she replied with a shrug, in a voice that seemed to say ‘duh’.

“Could we even do that?” Willow wondered.

“Not likely.”

“We’re runnin’ outta options here, G-man.”

“Thank you, Xander. I did not realize that. What would we do without you?” The older man grumbled sarcastically, throwing a glare the brunette’s way.

“I guess we can only do what Mr. Giles suggested and give Buffy some time.”

“I suppose I could contact the Council and see if they’re willing to tell us anything. Until then, I suggest we give Buffy time and space as Tara said. She’s strong, she’ll be all right.”

Giles hoped he sounded more convincing than he felt.

***

“Do you think we could take her patrolling? Maybe if she kills something, it’ll help her?” Dawn sat on the couch with Spike while Buffy slept upstairs.

“I dunno, Bit. I don’t think Giles would be too happy about that. I’ll do a quick sweep tonight, just so the demons know there’s still a threat.”

“I hate this.” Dawn crossed her arms and pouted, “We just sit around all day, waiting for Buffy to do something and she never does. I want my sister back.”

Spike wrapped an arm around Dawn and pulled her against his side. “I know, plum. She’ll come back. I promise. And you know I never break a promise.” He touched his forehead to hers briefly before pulling away, “She just needs to figure out how. Have some faith.”

“You do see the irony in that last statement, don’t you?” Dawn raised an eyebrow.

“It’s not lost on me, no. Now go get some kip.” He patted her back in an effort to make her stand up. She did as instructed and leaned down to kiss his cheek before bounding up the stairs.

“Love you, Spike.” His undead heart warmed from that declaration. No one except for his mother had ever loved him for just being him. However, Dawn did, and he thanked whatever power he could for that, hoping that one day her sister would feel the same.

“You too, Nibblet.”

A few minutes later, Spike heard a creak in the stairs and quickly turned his head towards the sound. Buffy stood there, wringing her hands in front of her in a nervous, yet familiar gesture.

“Hi, pet.” Spike smiled warmly.

“Could we patrol?” The request was spoken so softly, that Spike was afraid he imagined it.

“Pet?”

“Patrolling. Could we, uh, go?” The request was hesitant. Spike couldn’t believe his ears. Buffy had said something. Finally. He was consumed with hope that everything in his world would turn out right just from those few words, because it meant Buffy was moving forward and there was a chance for happiness in both of their futures.

“Buffy… I don’t know.”

She stepped away from the banister to walk towards him, “Please, Spike. I’ve been cooped up in this house for days. I need to get out.” Her eyes pleaded with him.

“Buffy, I… how long have you been able to talk?” Spike stood up, squinting in curiosity.

Buffy looked down shyly and with a slight shrug replied, “Since yesterday.”

The vampire closed his eyes for a second as he thought about her answer. “Why are you just speaking your first words now, then?”

“I wasn’t ready yet,” she said simply, and came into the doorway separating the foyer and family room.

“But you think you’re ready to patrol?”

Buffy rolled her eyes at that, “I’m the Slayer, Spike. Slaying is what I do.”

“I know that, luv, but are you strong enough?”

“Yes, Mom,” she replied sarcastically. “Plus, I’ll have you to back me up!” She graced him with a dazzling smile before hopping up and grabbing a coat, showing him there was no point in arguing with her.

Spike stood in shock for a moment, trying to process what had just occurred. Buffy suddenly appeared to be one hundred percent recovered and back to her old self; but he knew her better than she realized, and he could tell that she wasn’t okay. She was putting up a façade to hide her true feelings about being alive again. He hoped that with time and patience she would let him in; let him take the pain away and show her that life could be wonderful.

Chapter 8: …Two Steps Back

Spike followed behind Buffy, staying a safe distance away from her. He had patrolled with her countless times in the past, but this time was different. Tonight, Buffy resembled an animal tracking its prey.

She wasn’t just patrolling; she was hunting.

Her movements were primal and threatening as she silently glided through the grass of each cemetery. The creature he was with tonight was a true warrior; a true killer, and it unnerved him. If Buffy suddenly decided to be angry with him and lash out, he didn’t know how well he could protect himself. Even without the bloody chip in his head, Buffy would still be dangerous.

She was letting the Slayer inside her completely take over. The anger, sadness, and betrayal she felt let loose, pushed to the surface and controlled her. She did only what her Slayer instincts told her to.

When three vampires came out from behind a bush, Buffy smiled sinisterly. She was searching for something to release her inner demon on, and the three nightwalkers were exactly what she needed.

“Slayer,” the tall, brawny one in the middle spat, as he stepped forward threateningly.

Buffy didn’t even grace him with a response; instead, she charged at him with lightening speed and began punching him with extreme fervor. The other two vampires came at the Slayer from the sides. She quickly dispatched the one she had been fighting with a punch in the face that caused him to step backward, giving her the time to focus on the other two vampires. To the one on the left, she delivered a powerful kick to the groin, making him to double over in pain. As the vampire on her right neared, she squatted to the ground and took his legs out with a swift kick of her leg.

As the three demons recovered, Buffy stood in the middle of them in a fighting stance. She hadn’t even reached for her stake yet, and Spike knew she had had at least one obvious chance to go in for the kill.

However, the master vampire also knew how much she needed a good fight, and he was smart enough to stay out of her way, thankful he wasn’t the one she was taking her anger out on. He lit a cigarette as he stepped back to lean against a tree, watching Buffy punch and kick the vampires with a speed and brutality he had never witnessed from her before.

He stood in stunned silence as the Slayer sent Big N’ Tall flying over a headstone, then jumped up and wrapped her legs around one of his lackeys’ shoulders in order to flip him over onto his back and finally turn him to dust.

The third vampire rushed her from behind, but met the pointy end of her stake before he could do any harm.

“Should a’ learned the first time, mate,” Spike sighed, shaking his head.

Big N’ Tall was up again and circling Buffy, as if trying to find the best way to attack. Instead of moving in a circle with him, however, the Slayer stood watching him with menacing eyes, clutching her stake.

“It’s just you and me, Sweets. Do you taste as good as you look?”

“Why don’t you come find out?”

He lunged. Buffy rammed her fist in his stomach, causing him to collapse behind her, clutching his injured area. She didn’t give him time to recover and was straddling him within seconds.

The cockiness was gone from his eyes, replaced with fear of the creature now above him. The killer of his kind had him trapped beneath her strong thighs and he knew there was no way out.

But instead of staking him, as Spike thought she would do, Buffy started pounding her small fists into the bloodsucker’s face and neck. She had his arms trapped underneath her, so there was nothing the vampire could do but take her beating.

And that’s what it was: a violent, relentless beating on a now defenseless animal.

Spike had dropped his spent fag to the ground and was now walking towards the Slayer. As he got closer, he could hear the bones of the demon’s face breaking as her powerful fists came down on him. When the beating began, his legs had struggled to find escape, but now they lay motionless in the grass.

“Slayer.”

There was no answer, so Spike knelt down beside her. Silent tears were making wet trails down her cheeks and her lip was trembling, but she was unaware of it. She was trapped in her own world of anger and pain, no longer part of her surroundings, aware only of herself and the vampire beneath her that was paying for her emotional torment.

The vampire in question was now unrecognizable, his face a mess of blood and bruises. Buffy’s hands were stained red, but she had not let up on her attack. The current punches were as brutal as her first.

“Slayer,” Spike said a little louder. There was still no response. “Buffy!” he yelled, grabbing her fists and wrapping his hands around them. She looked up at him then, eyes filled with pain and unshed tears.

“Why?” Her chin trembled as she tried to hold back her tears. The one word held so much confusion. Why was she brought back? Why couldn’t she receive the peace she so greatly deserved? Why was she Chosen to fight the creatures of darkness? Her eyes held so many questions that Spike was unable to answer.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He let go of her hands to wrap his arms around her small body and pull her off the other vampire and against his hard chest. He rocked her back and forth slowly, running his fingers through her hair and whispering comforting words to her. In his arms, she finally cried. She cried for everything that had happened to her during her young life. She cried for the loss of her innocence, for the loss of her mother, and finally for the loss of her sanctuary. She sobbed; harsh wails fell from her lips in response to all the pain she had suffered.

Spike held the Slayer, the women he loved, helpless to do anything but let her tears soak his shirt and break his heart.

Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are great!

Chapter 9: Thank You

Eventually, her sobs slowed to quiet hiccups and she fell asleep in Spike’s arms. He didn’t know how long he sat there, just holding her as she slumbered, but he was aware of the approaching dawn. He could feel it tickling his senses, warning him to find shelter from its harmful rays.

Spike knew he had to leave the graveyard. The vamp she had incapacitated still lay unconscious beside them, so Spike dusted him, putting him out of his misery, before he reluctantly stood up, still holding Buffy in his arms.

He rolled his neck and shoulders as much as he could to get the kinks out without jostling the sleeping Slayer. The light glow of the rising sun was apparent along the horizon, the trees appearing black against the yellow of the sky. Spike knew he didn’t have much time to get Buffy home before sunlight became a problem.

Cradling her to his chest, he began a sprint back through the graveyards in the direction of the Summers’ residence. He was thankful for his vampire strength that made the slayer feel like a feather in his arms, as well as making it easy to run and hold her at the same time.

However, the sun was rising quickly, it was like a fire burning a path hot on his heels, and even with his enhanced speed, he wasn’t sure he could make it to Buffy’s house before becoming dusty.

Making a quick decision, he turned in the opposite direction to his original destination and entered the cemetery that housed his crypt.

He was aware that, in hindsight, taking Buffy to his crypt probably wasn’t the wisest choice, but he would deal with the consequences when they appeared. Now, he had to protect himself and Buffy. He slammed the heavy door to his tomb closed moments before the sun rose from behind the trees.

Buffy made a small noise, and he looked down to see her eyes flutter open. “Ssh, pet. It’s okay, I’ve got you.” That seemed to satisfy her as she closed her eyes once more.

He proceeded towards the trapdoor leading to his lower level and pulled it open in order to climb down the ladder. Once downstairs, he went to his bed along the wall and gently laid Buffy against the soft pillows. She immediately curled up on her side, causing Spike to smile.

He turned to go back up the ladder and give her privacy, but Buffy’s voice stopped him. “Spike?”

“I’m here, luv.”

“Can you stay? With me? Please?” He could hear the slight panic in her voice and though she hadn’t moved from her position on the bed, her big, green eyes were looking at him, pleading.

Spike tried to mask the surprise her request caused him, and quickly removed his duster and boots before lying down beside her. He knew what she was asking of him and it touched his heart. He had held her before in the past few days, but this was different, not only because of the bed, which made the act intimate on its own, but because Buffy had asked him to stay close to her. All of the previous times were for protection or comfort, and Buffy had not been fully aware of his presence.

Now, however, she was completely conscious of what she was asking and she had asked anyway. It brought warmth to his heart. She trusted him enough to hold her in her moment of weakness, and it meant more to him than anything he had ever experienced.

He turned to her so that her back was against his chest and pulled her close. He inhaled her scent, memorizing the mixture of vanilla and sunshine that he had come to associate with Buffy. Her small hand fell atop his larger one against her stomach and she linked their fingers.

Spike smiled contently as he closed his eyes to let sleep overtake him. He knew when he woke he would have to deal with angry accusations and endless questions, but with Buffy beside him, in his bed, in my arms, he felt he could face anything.

***

Spike awoke hours later to the sound of his crypt door slamming against the stone wall. He closed his eyes for a moment, preparing to face the wrath of Buffy’s friends; then carefully extracted himself from the sleeping Slayer, lightly kissing her forehead before rising from the bed.

He walked to the ladder, turning around to look at Buffy one more time before he went upstairs. Her golden hair fell over her cheek and shoulders and her hand was curled against her opposite cheek along the pillow. The white sheet covering her rose and fell with each breath she took and he could hear her heart beat rhythmically against her chest. She was calm, content.

Safe, Spike pondered.

Spike never imagined he would have Buffy willingly sharing his bed with him, even if it was just to sleep. His dream had finally come true and was about to be ripped away from him by harsh reality. He sighed, took one last look at his golden angel, and reluctantly climbed up the ladder.

***

“Oh, Spike, I never thought I’d say this, but thank God!” Giles exclaimed as soon as Spike appeared on the upper level.

“Hey, Rupes,” the vampire replied, rising the rest of the way out of the floor.

“Buffy seems to have run away. We were hoping for your assistance in locating her.”

Spike went to the fridge and pulled out a packet of pig’s blood. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning and his demon was making that fact known. He ripped into it and drained it before turning to the other man.

He could have lied. Really, he should have. But something stopped him. Buffy had chosen him out of everyone around her. She had come to him for help and protection and he couldn’t tune out the part of him that wanted to gloat about it.

He was the Big Bad after all.

“No need to get your knickers in a twist, old man. She’s with me. Downstairs getting some shut eye.”

The Watcher’s eyes widened in shock and he began sputtering, unable to comprehend what he’d just heard.

After a few moments, he finally sobered. “She’s with you? Did she come here on her own?” The shock was still apparent in the other Englishman’s eyes.

Spike didn’t want to answer. He hoped he could just leave it at that and lead the Watcher and the rest of the Scoobies to believe Buffy came to him of her own choice.

“No, I didn’t.”

So much for hoping, he thought.

Spike turned sharply to see Buffy climbing out of the hole in the floor. He was scared to death of what she wasn’t going to tell her Watcher, and of what she was going to tell him. She hadn’t been bothered by being in his crypt the night before, but a new day could bring new reservations. He had learned that much in his 124 years on Earth.

“But I want to be here,” she quickly clarified, gracing Spike with a shy smile.

Giles was back to sputtering.

“Buffy… you…” Instead of trying to speak, the older man ran to his charge and wrapped her in his embrace. Spike could tell from Buffy’s body language that she was uncomfortable.

Giles pulled away a moment later, leaving his hands on Buffy’s shoulders, “Buffy, you can speak. How are you feeling?”

Spike had to hold back a smirk when Buffy rolled her eyes and pulled away from her confused mentor, “I was fine until you barged in here.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Buffy, I… we were worried about you.”

“Well, I’m fine, so you can stop worrying.” Giles was taken aback by her harsh tone. Spike let his smirk show this time while he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

“Buffy, you have gone through something beyond traumatic. Finding out you ran away from home was not something I wanted to hear.”

“I didn’t run away, Giles.” She looked up to the ceiling and threw her hand in the air, showing how exasperated she was with the turn of events. “I needed to go patrolling-” Giles opened his mouth to say something but she stopped him by putting her hand up, “and don’t you dare say it wasn’t safe. I’m not a child, Giles. I had been in that house for days and I needed to get out.”

“Then how exactly did you end up here?” Giles was getting visibly angrier as the conversation continued.

Buffy looked lost then, unsure of how she had ended up at Spike’s crypt. She glanced at the vampire then, asking him with her eyes to answer Giles’ question.

“We ran into some trouble an’ had to find shelter.”

That seemed to satisfy both of them and Buffy gave him a look of gratitude. She was glad he hadn’t told Giles about her breakdown in the cemetery. She didn’t want to face his questions or her friends yet, and was grateful for the strength and silent support Spike had given her.

“Well, I think you should return home. Dawn and the others are worried and we may have some information from the Council that could help explain your previous… condition.”

Buffy glared at him but nodded.

“I’ll go home, but only for Dawn’s sake. She needs me to be there. As for what the Council has to say, I don’t give a shit. We can talk about my condition later, when I’m ready to talk about it. I’ll meet you outside.”

Giles looked like he wanted to protest, but instead nodded and went out the door to wait for Buffy.

“Colorful language there, Goldilocks.” Spike smirked.

She smirked in return as she turned and walked up to him, “I guess I’ve been hanging with you too much lately.” She shrugged. “Plus, I’m mad.”

“And you have every right to be, pet. Are you sure you want to go back?”

“I’ll have to face them eventually, and Dawn will kick my butt if she finds out I’m talking again from someone other than me.” She smiled.

Spike chuckled, “Bite size does have a nasty violent streak. Gets it from her sis, I s’pose.”

Buffy smacked his chest lightly, but the teasing look quickly left her eyes. “Thank you, Spike.” She touched his cheek and he could see in her eyes how much his actions truly meant to her.

“Anything for you, Slayer.” They stayed locked in each other’s gaze for a moment before Buffy reluctantly dropped her hand.

“I have to go, but I’ll meet you tonight for patrol.” He nodded.

She gave him one last smile before turning around and walking out of his crypt. Into the sun where he couldn’t follow.

Chapter 10: Answers Lead to Questions

Buffy slammed her fist into the punching bag in front of her, welcoming the slight pain from the force of her hit. She really did not want or need this. Facing Spike was completely different from facing her friends. The vampire did not judge her or ask her questions she couldn’t answer. He just held her when she needed to be held, let her fight when she needed to fight. He supported her the best way he could and she appreciated it.

She didn’t know why she felt safer with Spike than with anyone else, but she didn’t question it. With five years of slaying under her belt, she had learned to trust her instincts.

They were telling her to trust Spike.

Ever since the day he had chained her up in his basement and confessed his love, she had started to feel differently towards him. At first, his admission scared and disgusted her. Her disgust was because it was Spike. With Angel, there had been a soul, a reason for the feelings he had. That had been her excuse for loving him. For being allowed to love him.

Spike had no soul.

She had told herself countless times that someone needed a soul in order to love, but as she got to know Spike, she started to realize that her belief was not true. Spike loved with everything he had. He had loved Drusilla for a century without a soul. When Spike loved, it was unconditional. That was what scared her.

Spike could love more without a soul than Angel ever could with one.

She didn’t want to fall for another vampire. She couldn’t. Her relationship with Angel had ended so badly, she was surprised she had survived it. She knew from that experience that vampires and slayers could not be together. It could only lead to pain, betrayal, and countless other miserable things.

Spike isn’t Angel, a nagging voice in the back of her mind had told her.

She tried so hard to ignore it, but as time went on, it became louder and more insistent. Spike had proved his love multiple times after confessing it to her. He had suffered torture at the hands of Glory in order to keep her and Dawn safe. She knew he would have died that day in order to protect them.

She never fully admitted it to herself, but as time went on and as Glory became a bigger threat, she had begun to look at Spike as an ally, as a friend. Before, his tender looks had churned her stomach; now they caused warmth inside her. She was beginning to see Spike for who he truly was; to see the man underneath.

She recalled waking in his bed that morning, and a smile fell on her lips . She knew he must have carried her to his crypt after the vamps had attacked them. It was fuzzy, but she remembered waking up in his arms, worried, before he calmed her with his voice and words.

When he held her, she felt safe and loved. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to be in his arms. They felt like they belonged around her, and her only. She remembered the look of awe on his face when she had asked him to stay with her, and it caused warmth to creep into her heart.

“Buffy, the others have arrived. I would like to share the information from the Council, if that is okay with you?” Giles asked from the doorway of the training room.

His voiced pulled her out of her reverie and she sighed, knowing the meeting with the others was inevitable.

“It’s fine. I’ll be right there.” With a curt nod, her Watcher left the room.

Buffy moved to the bench and took the tape off her hands before grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat from her brow. She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself before heading out into the store. After a few slow breaths, she finally stood up and walked through the doorway.
***

“Buffy! We’re so glad you’re okay!” Willow exclaimed as she hugged the Slayer.

As soon as Willow let go, Xander pulled her into his embrace, “Good to have you back, Buff.”

When Buffy didn’t return their affection, Willow asked, “We got you out. Aren’t you happy?”

“No, but I don’t want to deal with that now.” Buffy stepped between them to stand in the middle of the room with her arms crossed. Xander and Willow looked at each other, stunned by their friend’s reaction, before they took seats at the round table.

“Tell me what you found out,” Buffy said, facing Giles.

He pulled off his glasses to clean them quickly, then placed them back on his nose and looked at the group. “After some prodding, the Council finally revealed some information about the Slayer that was not in the Diaries. It is about the source of her power.”

“And that would be?”

“It seems that in order to give the first Slayer enough power to fight the demons and forces of darkness, they had to endow her with the essence of what she fought.”

Willow gasped. “You mean they… they put a demon in her?”

“A demon’s essence, yes.”

Buffy stood with her with her mouth open in shock. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach and had to sit down with her head between her knees in order to calm down. After composing herself she looked up at her Watcher, “You can’t be serious?”

“I’m afraid I am,” Giles said.

Buffy stood up slowly, the room suddenly feeling too small and too hot. “I have to go,” she explained quickly, leaving before anyone could stop her.

“Well, that went well,” Xander said after a moment of silence.

“That was a bad idea. We should have waited to tell her. She’s still unstable.” There was a hint of hysteria in Willow’s voice.

“She needed to know. We all did,” Giles tried to rectify.

“Someone should be with her,” Willow stated as she stood up to head out the door.

“Yeah, but who knows where she ran off to?” That came from Xander.

“She went to see Spike,” Giles replied, taking off his glasses once again to clean them, his comment leaving the others in the room speechless.

***

Buffy wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She had spent the last five years of her life fighting demons only to discover that her power came from one. That knowledge caused her already tipsy world to complete turn upside down. She rubbed her hand along her arms, trying to relieve the cold shivers the new information brought her.

She was following her feet, letting them carry her in whatever direction they wanted while her brain wondered. She wasn’t surprised when she looked up to see Restfield written in iron letters above her head. She smiled as she saw the familiar tomb come into view. She knocked on the heavy, iron door, biting her lip while she waited for it to open.

The door opened slowly, only Spike’s head was visible behind it. His eyebrows rose in surprise at seeing her standing at his doorway. “Buffy?”

“Can I come in?”

“Oh, ‘course.” He backed away to let her step inside and then quickly closed the door to keep the sunlight out.

“Isn’t it a little early for patrol, pet?”

“I’m not here for that. I just needed to get away,” she explained, taking a seat on his couch.

“Mates invadin’ your personal space?” he asked, walking to the fridge, “Do you want somethin’ to drink? I don’t have much -beer or water.”

“Yes, but that’s not the problem, and I’m okay.”

“Whassit, then?” he asked as he took a beer out of the fridge for himself, then sat in the chair next to her.

“Do you know where a Slayer’s power comes from?”

“I never really thought about it.”

“Okay, well if you thought about it, where do you think it comes from?”

He was quiet for a moment before answering, “Some kind a’ ancient mojo.”

“I wish. That’d be better than the alternative.” She sighed and laid her head against the back of the couch.

“What’s the alternative?”

“Demon essence. What does that even mean? Ugh, how can I have demon in me? I’m supposed to fight the powers of darkness, not walk around with its essence in me!”

“Buffy, calm down. There has to be more to it than that. What did the Watcher say?”

She looked sheepish. “I dunno. I ran out. I just couldn’t handle being in there anymore. The way they were acting, like I was some fragile piece of china that would break if they said the wrong thing.”

“You went through something terrible, luv. I don’t usually defend the Scoobies, but they just don’t want to hurt you.”

“God, I wish everyone would stop saying that!” She stood up and took a few steps before turning back to him with anger burning in her eyes. “They don’t want to hurt me, you say. Well, it’s a little too late for that. You want to know where I was, Spike? Where I spent the last few months? Where my so-called friends yanked me out of? Heaven. I was in Heaven. And now…” she shook her head, “now I’m in Hell.”

Chapter 11: More Than a Monster

“God, I wish everyone would stop saying that!” She stood up and took a few steps before turning back to him with anger burning in her eyes. “They don’t want to hurt me, you say. Well, it’s a little too late for that. You want to know where I was, Spike? Where I spent the last few months? Where my so-called friends yanked me out of? Heaven. I was in Heaven. And now…” she shook her head, “now I’m in Hell.”

Spike sat speechless in his chair, trying to process what he had just heard. Buffy had been in Heaven? Suddenly, the reason behind the way she had been acting was clear. She resented her friends for pulling her out and forcing her to live life and fight evil once more.

He shook his head at their ignorance; there were always consequences with magic. He didn’t know how long it would take Buffy to forgive them, that is, if she ever did; but he knew that now she needed him more than ever. What she had just confessed to him proved that, and it comforted him to know she trusted him that much.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he said after a long moment.

She turned sharply at that,seeming startled by his voice. Then a small, half-smile tugged at her lips. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, and I know you had nothing to do with bringing me back.” Her voice was calm as she sat back down on the sofa. “Please don’t tell them. I’m not ready for them to know, not yet.”

Spike nodded. They sat in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts about Buffy’s revelation.

“I should go,” she said, breaking the friendly quiet, “Dawn is probably worried.”

“Are you gonna tell her?”

“Soon, but not today.” She stood up and walked to the door. Spike got up to open it for her in a chivalrous gesture.

“I’m here, y’know, whenever you need someone. No matter what for.”

Buffy smiled warmly and stepped closer to him. “I know. Thank you.” She leaned forward then and brushed her lips against his. The kiss was quick, but it meant more to Spike than any kiss he had ever experienced with Drusilla. Buffy’s kiss held not only gratitude, but strength, vulnerability and something he had never felt from her before. He smiled as she left after promising to return at nightfall.

Spike closed the door, feeling happier than he had in a long while. He felt like a moth to a flame; drawn to it even though it could harm him. Only, he knew Buffy wouldn’t hurt him. She was the sun bathing him in her light, but he wasn’t being burned.

***

“What should we do about Buffy?” Willow asked the group sitting around the table in the Magic Box.

“We can only let her come to terms with what we’ve learned. She is still unstable,” Giles explained.

“This still doesn’t explain why her and Bleachface are suddenly bosom buddies,” Xander growled.

“Actually, I believe it does,” replied Giles, “Buffy felt the power and authority of Spike’s demon, and hers was drawn to it.”

“But she hates Spike!”

“Not quite,” the Watcher muttered.

“What!?” Xander jumped up from the table, his chair falling to the floor.

Willow chided, “Xander, sit down.”

He turned to her. “How can you be so calm about this? It’s Spike. Evil, bloodthirsty, tried-to-kill-us-multiple-times Spike.”

“He hasn’t tried to kill us for a long time. He’s been fighting on our side.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending him. He’s a vampire, Will.”

“I know that, and I’m not saying we should be best friends with him, but he watched Dawn all summer without us asking. He took over patrol most nights. He even helped at the Magic Box sometimes.”

“That doesn’t change what he is. Now that Buffy’s back, he’ll start his crazy obsession again.”

“And she can handle it.” Willow stood up now, leaning over the table so she was face-to-face with her friend.

“She shouldn’t have to. We should have dusted the idiot when we first met him. The dirt Buffy walks on is better than him.”

“Well, he’s the only one she trusts right now so you’re gonna have to deal.” Her eyes turned black for a minute, before returning to their normal green.

“This is ridiculous. I’m gonna go find Buffy and talk to her.” He grabbed his coat from where it had fallen off the chair and turned to leave.

“You will do no such thing,” Giles shouted.

Xander stopped and gaped at the older man. “You’re siding with Dead Boy Jr., too?”

“Confronting Buffy right now would not be wise.” Giles avoided answering the boy’s question. He did not approve of the budding relationship between the Slayer and vampire, but Buffy was going to do what she wanted whether he agreed or not.

“So what, we just let her be with him?”

“Yes.”

***

Patrol was quiet. Buffy had arrived at nightfall like she promised and off they went without a word. Spike could tell she was not in a talking mood, which was fine with him because he wasn’t either. They both had things to ponder; Buffy, the new information about what being a slayer meant, and Spike the kiss.

If he died tonight, he would die happy. Buffy had finally shown him that he meant more to her than an extra piece of muscle. Even though it had happened hours ago, he could still feel her on his lips.

Spike had kissed the Slayer before, but never like that. The magically induced kisses during Willow’s spell weren’t real, no matter how much he wanted them to be. The only other kiss they had shared was after Glory tortured him, and it was merely a thank you, nothing more.

This kiss, however, was so much more than that. Spike could tell Buffy’s feelings for him were changing, he just hoped he wouldn’t scare her off before they even got started.

The couple had made two rounds through all four cemeteries, only coming across one fledgling. They were heading back to his crypt now and Spike stuck his hands in his duster pockets to keep from fidgeting. He had smoked through all his cigarettes and hadn’t had the chance to nick more.

Though they had stayed silent the whole night, it was a comfortable silence. It felt like they were good friends out for a stroll and neither one was ready for it to be over.

“Here we are,” Buffy stated when they stopped in front of the heavy, iron door.

“Yep.”

“I don’t really want to go.”

“Don’t really want you to. You could come in ‘f you want.”

She smiled. “Okay.” She walked through the doorway, quickly followed by Spike who then went to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, handing her the bottle.

“Still a little freaked. I’ll have to talk to Giles about it tomorrow, no matter how badly I don’t want to. I still can’t handle being around the gang. They don’t understand why I’m not dancing around in a meadow singing about the hills being alive or why I haven’t said thank you.”

“Sod them, luv.”

“I know. I’m just so used to having them around to confide in. I used to want their opinion and approval on everything. Now I’m realizing I won’t always get it and it’s strange. I know I keep saying it, but thanks for just being here. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you. I’d probably still be crazy or catatonic or maybe dead.”

Spike winced at that.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to say the ‘d’ word. That’s another thing you did, got me off that tower.”

“Still don’t quite know how.”

“I trusted you. Somehow, I knew I’d be okay. That I’d be safe.”

Spike had nothing to say to that. He could only look at Buffy with an expression of awe on his handsome face.

“Didn’t expect me to admit that, huh?” She giggled. “I guess dying can give a person some clarity.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before… I never saw you as anything more than a monster or at least I told myself that-”

Spike interrupted, “I am a monster.”

“No, you’re more than that. Angelus was a monster. Adam was a monster. You’re a man who fought the monster inside him and beat it. I never wanted to see how you’d changed. I was happy on my little island of Denial, but I can’t stay there anymore.” She stepped forward so she was directly in front of him. “Now I see your strength, your kindness,” she looked into his eyes, holding his gaze, “your love. I can’t deny what’s right in front of me. Not anymore.”

“Buffy…” The whisper died on his lips.

“Once you asked me for a crumb, but I think you deserve more than that.” She wrapped an arm around his neck to pull him down and touched her lips to his. They were warm and soft, but he could taste her strength and power. As she nibbled on his lower lip, he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her to him. She smiled against his lips as her other arm joined the one around his neck, the unopened bottle of water falling to the floor.

Their hands explored each other; his running up her back and tangling in her hair. Buffy’s fingers played with the blonde curls at the nape on his neck while her other hand ran down his chest, then captured his hand that had stopped on her waist. Their fingers intertwined.

Spike sucked her bottom lip into his mouth before running his tongue over it, asking for entrance, which was immediately granted. Their tongues battled for dominance as they pulled each other impossibly closer.

Reluctantly, after what seemed like days, Buffy pulled away to catch her breath. She leaned her forehead against Spike’s and they both closed their eyes. She was breathing hard, her heart was pounding against her chest and he could smell her arousal. His jeans had become uncomfortably tight but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. He knew acting on his impulses might be moving too fast and he was smart enough to know better.

“I love you, Buffy,” he said instead, hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing to say.

“I know.” She pecked his lips. “I know.”