I sat there alone. I was not physically alone of course; there was the poser in the suit talking loudly on his mobile phone as though he owned the place. I recognised him straight away as that bully from school that I beat the crap out of in year nine. There was this “mother” reading away at her magazine, probably drooling over some picture of half naked hunk, oblivious to cries of attention of her daughter who sat in a pushchair less than a foot away.

It was strange, but it was if this tube-station was void of goodness, kindness or humility. I tried hard, as I sat there, to recall a time when my life was good, a time before it turned to shit.

It was as though I was staring down into a bottomless lake, its dark waters reflecting nothing except myself. Now and again there would be images, faces that would come floating to the surface, Zander whom I knew for years and was always there until that bitch came between us.

We were still at high school, and she was the new girl…strolling through the doorway with her blond locks flowing around her shoulders, her skin, soft and shining with some inner light that seemed to surround her. “ This is Samantha, she’s starting today I want everyone to make her feel welcome, okay”, there was hardly any need for the lecturers request. Already most of the boys had started fighting over seats and began making themselves known.

It was a total shock when she walked straight past and sat next to Zander at the back of the class. It was quite sweet the way he fumbled and stuttered, he didn’t even manage to say his name right as he held out his hand “I’m z-z-andig, thanks”, and quickly collected his books and left the room. Later that day we were sat to one side on one of the wooden benches outside in the sun, just laughing about his earlier encounter. Zander was always fun, he never took anything to heart ever; everything negative just seemed to bounce off of him.

An old station newspaper was lifted in the wind and slammed into my face, and as I quickly tore it from my face, something caught my eye. It was not the article on the page; it was the picture above it.

See even though I had never spoken to Zander for years, not since our little “talk” I had always imagined that sooner or later, we would end up in each other’s arms. I had that dream in my head, just holding me in those arms, the scent of leather and spice (his aftershave), and those deep dark brown eyes. The eyes are what I remember them the most; I would get lost in those eyes, and be overwhelmed with this warm sensation. The feeling of belonging, a feeling of love.

Instead I turned again to this faded newspaper, and the wedding picture of Zander to Samantha. “.. Wishing the couple the very best of health and a long and lasting life together…”

Shit.

Now I didn’t even had that dream, everything was slipping from my grasp, my friend, my dreams…

Finally the train arrived at the platform and without an upward glance I made my way to an empty seat at the back of the compartment and turned to stare out into the blackness beyond the window, least it was warmer than outside.

From leaving the train I walked the quarter of a mile to my apartment building and the three flights of stairs to my room. I had barely stepped inside and reached for the light switch when I felt a firm hand grab my arm and turn me away towards the sofa.

The light drifting in through the window was enough for me to make out the lines of some of the objects in the room, without hesitation I made a lunge at a vase and hurled it down upon the head of my would-be rapist. The glass shattered into a hundred pieces and fell to the ground.

Taking the advantage I ran for the telephone while my attacker collected himself, and just as I had pressed the last digit the room light came on “click”.

“Now what the fuck was that? I only wanted to surprise ya you bitch!!” even without a face, there was no mistaking that accent. So many times that same voice had whispered sweet nothings into my ear, or spoken words of advice and support.

“Spike” I cried as I jumped into his embrace, and his touch was a bigger comfort than I had expected, it had been years but now it seemed like only yesterday since I felt his kiss.

It was as if all the light had now been put back into the world, everything seemed brighter, larger and my senses felt as if they had never been used before. “Why the long face love?, I’m back, and I’m staying”

For weeks I had cried myself to sleep, sleeping on one side of a bed that I used to share with someone I loved. Feeling guilty for driving them away and for never telling them how I felt. Now here he is, back in my life and saying its for good.

Leaving him I slumped in a chair and glared down at my feet, this was something that I could not put myself through again, not after last time. Even after I agreed it was over, I still couldn’t let go and spent years getting over it, and even then I didn’t. Instead I suppressed it like a bad dream, and in my nightmares it would rear it’s head and come back to haunt me again.

“ I can not go through this again, you mean too much to me, and to feel that empty, that alone…I just couldn’t bear it again. Please just leave…just leave now”. I waited expecting him to plead, to show that he cared for me as much as I cared for him, instead there was silence. “Click”, the door was already closing on its hinges and I looked up just in time to see his shoe as it left the doorway.

My last ever memory and it was going to be his left shoe…

I saw myself, in the living room, sitting in darkness, waiting for someone to come into my life and light up my world again. Now I have just seen the one man I thought who could do it, just leave my life for ever.

So now I am here, alone and sitting in the dark, and then outside the rain starts to fall...

shit

Electric. It was intense and like a bolt of lighting that struck my lips and then coursed through my body to my toes. My skin tingled and a warm feeling rushed through my system and my heartbeat started to race.

Again our lips collided and it was like making a grab for a live wire. His warm, his fire burned its way through me, his energy his passion struck me like an on coming shock wave.

He threw me onto those satin sheets, and launched himself on top me. Instead of taking the time of undoing the remaining buttons on his shirt, he simply tore it from his tanned skin and tossed it aside. It managed to find its home amongst the other garments scattered across the floor. The pillows got pushed onto the floor along with most of the bed sheets as we writhed around on the sheets, our bodies entwined like young lovers, his skin brushing up close against mine, his fingers running slowly over the contours of my body, every inch every bump. I barely heard him whisper into my ear “Buffy”.


He continued to whisper into my ear, telling me how he was going to take it slow and take his time and make sure that I would treasure every moment and make every sensation last. Then after reaching the edge he would hold me there, making me beg him to take me over the edge and…

He had barely broken off before he left the bed and most importantly me and headed into the kitchen, and he was gone barely a second longer before he came back and grabbed my hand and dragged me into the kitchen. My face was one of confusion and lust. I loved it when Spike took command like this, It made me want him all the more.

In one strong movement he cleared the table, knocking its contents to the ground and laid me down. It was an old-fashioned kitchen table, both strong and wide enough to seat ten people…there was more than enough room for the two of us.

With that sexy cockney accent of his, he looked down at me and said, “So love, lets get started shall we?”

I nodded in reply and gazed up at him, and watched as he made his way to the end of the table and began stroking my toes with his hands. So soft and so gentle, moving his fingers from the tops of my ankles to the tips of my toes. He knew how sensitive my skin was an he made full use of that knowledge. He began to lean over the table and over me as he stretched to reach my waist with his fingers. I admit that I was shivering slightly, but not from the cold, its true that I was wearing nothing, but I didn’t notice it at all. Spike didn’t seem to show it either, the only clothing he was wearing was some black trunks, they were black and tight.. They hugged his skin in all the right places. It was obvious from his trunks that he wasn’t feeling the cold at all.

He let his hands fall onto my waist and slowly run down my inner thighs to my feet, and then run back up the same way, I hadn’t noticed before but in the other hand he held a jar, and it was now that he opened the lid and started to pour the contents onto my skin. This time his hands moved down my body, but rubbing honey into my skin, and barely a second later he was kneeling on the table and moving his long tongue in strokes, licking up the sweetness, making me horney and wet as ever. My hands moved to hair, his blond silky hair and without a glance he pushed them to my sides. This was a one man show…for now at least.

The rest of the honey he began to smear onto my lips and my chest and then for the next five minutes it was just a blur of motion as his hands Caressed my body while his lips moved between mine and my nipples. He sucked and tugged lighlty with his teeth, and then his tongue was a flutter as it danced around it, slurping away. Then jumping back to my lips, and filling my mouth with this sweetness.

He began to whisper into my ear again, as his hands danced around my body, telling me of the past, of things we had done and where. The time we made love under the stars in italy, under a blanket of stars, and drank fresh coffee for breakfast. How we had made it last in a bus shelter at midnight and nearly broke the bench. Or even the time we did it in the tunnel of love at a fair ground, with hundreds of people around, each of covering each others mouths to stop the thrills from escaping.

Just the thought, the rush of doing it in public and the risk of being caught, combined with his touch made me bite his skin.

With an almost smug grin on his face, he turned to me and told me to close my eyes, and of course eagerly obeyed his command. At first I felt nothing and then i felt everything. His fingers moved slowly at first, moving in slowly and then gyrating within me, then more joined in, and they moved faster this time. Thats how it was, slow and fast, his hands still at my chest and his lips still eating mine. I heard him whisper again, to open my eyes, and there he was, his fingers just inches away from his lips, and he held my gaze while he fed his fingers into his mouth. He made sure that I was watching him enjoy every second, and though his tight trunks I knew that he was enjoying it too. He lent down and and kissed me, and I could taste it still, combined with the tangy honey.

With another smile, he moved his fingers again, pushing further in this time and without warning he stopped and just waited for me to glare at him. He slowly moved a finger down his chest, very slowly down to his stomach and paused at the band of his trunks. He teased me as he slowly pushed the band down an inch, revealing more flesh and then he stopped. HE wanted me to beg, to plead for it, and so I did " I want it, I want all of it, do it and do it now!!!!"

He moved the band down slowly like a jigsaw puzzle showing one part of the picture at a time, and then there it was. Long and hard and waiting at my gates, One,..two and he was in, I felt consumed by it, like there was nothing else there. This would be a night I would never forget...ever