~Prologue~


Buffy was running, running so fast she thought her heart was going to burst right out of her chest, but yet she didn’t slow down. Because she was running against time, and she had to keep going, had to get back to her lover before it was too late. One single thought kept running through her head over and over again, repeating itself like a mantra; ‘please don’t let me be too late, please let me make it, I’m coming, baby, just hold on…’

Finally spotting the large white building that had been her home for the last two years, Buffy almost sobbed with relief of finally being there, and when she reached the front porch, she rushed inside, taking the stairs two steps at a time, until she was standing outside the door that led into the apartment. Almost tearing the door off its hinges, she finally managed to get inside and flew through the rooms in search for her lover.

The apartment was dark and quiet, and for a moment she thought that no one was home, that the place was empty. The hope was starting to fill her, he hadn’t been home after all, she had been worrying for nothing, he was safe. Then she opened the door that led into the bedroom. Turning the light on, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the bright light, and she blinked a couple of times to get them to adjust faster. Then she screamed.

She’d seen blood before, but not like this, not this much. It was everywhere, and there he was in the middle of it, face down on the floor, covered in his own blood, and she couldn’t stop screaming. She was afraid of going closer, knowing that the second she would touch him it would all be over, she had been too late after all. Coherent thoughts had long since ceased to run through her mind, and all she could do now was drop to her knees beside the fallen man on the floor, the only man she would ever love, the love of her life, her soul mate.

Buffy didn’t cry, because crying would make it all real, crying would be the same as admitting to herself that he was dead and she refused to do that, because he wasn’t dead, he couldn’t be. Instead she pulled his cold, lifeless body into her arms, shaking him and screaming his name, begging him to wake up, begging him to come back to her, to not be gone. But of course he didn’t answer, didn’t open his beautiful, blue eyes and tell her to stop yelling, didn’t tell her that he was all right, because he couldn’t, and he would never be able to tell her anything again.

So she kept screaming, hysterically, furiously pounding her small fists on his bleeding chest, ignoring the still flowing blood that was now covering her as well. She couldn’t stop, because if she stopped screaming, she would have to face the fact that he was gone, and that would kill her as well. Eventually she had screamed herself hoarse, but yet she kept whispering his name, pleading for a miracle that wouldn’t happen.

When the police and the paramedics finally arrived, she had withdrawn into her own private world where he was still alive and safe, where they were still happily together and no one could ever touch them, all the time still whispering his name. One of the paramedics knelt beside her, trying to get her attention. He leaned closer to hear what she was whispering.

Buffy just sat there on the floor, rocking his body back and forth, unaware of the people around her. If she never stopped saying his name he would come back to her, he would realize that she couldn’t go on living without him, and wake up. So that was what she did, over and over again, just kept begging for him to return to her. ‘Wake up, baby. Baby, wake up, please, William, wake up!’



~three years later~


Spike parked his car; a black 1958 DeSoto, in the parking lot behind the Sunnydale Mall, and got out. He pulled out a packet of cigarettes and his old zippo lighter from the pocket of his leather duster, and lighted one of the cigarettes with a sigh. So, this was it? The town was so… small. Having lived his entire life so far in London, a small town like this felt almost suffocating. But he had decided to start a new life, and if doing so meant that he would have to get as far away from his old life as possible, than so be it. Still it felt weird, being this far away from home and not knowing a single soul, except for his uncle who he hadn’t seen for years.

He supposed he should consider himself lucky, he had already been promised a job and a place to stay, although the job itself seemed a bit… odd. His uncle; Rupert Giles, owned a magic shop here in town called ‘The Magic Box’. Spike didn’t believe in magic and stuff like that, in fact, he thought the whole idea of opening a magic shop in the first place seemed rather stupid, but who was he to complain? After all, it wasn’t likely that he would get a job somewhere else, with his past record. He realized he should just be grateful for the opportunity and keep his opinion about magic to himself.

He spotted the shop right away; it was hard to miss with the large sign saying ‘The Magic Box’ right above the entrance. Right, this was it, no turning back. Taking a final drag on his cigarette, he tossed it to the ground and walked up to the front door. Although he would have denied it to anyone who would have dared to suggest so, he was a bit nervous. This was his last chance, he couldn’t screw this up. If he did, if he couldn’t live up to his uncle’s expectations, then what would he do? He couldn’t exactly go back to where he came from now, could he? So, he took a deep breath, and stepped inside.



TBC

Spike looked around the room, eyes widening. He had expected to find the items in the shop a bit… unusual, but this was beyond his expectations. His eyes landed on a small jar standing in one of the shelves, and he stepped closer to have a look. Was that…? His eyes widened even more as he read the label. ‘Rats eyes’?! Why the bloody hell would anyone wanna buy…?

“Welcome to The Magic Box, how may I help you?” He spun around at the sound of the cheerful voice, and saw a young woman standing in front of him, a wide smile on her face as she continued; “I hope you’ll find something nice to buy and spend a lot of your money!”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, was this bird for real? Spike cleared his throat, eying the woman curiously. “Sorry, pet, not here to buy anything. Name’s Spike, I was told to…”

The woman’s smile disappeared as she interrupted him; “Oh, so you’re the guy who wants to take my job.” It was more of a statement than a question, and Spike just stared at her.

“What?” The woman was about to say something, when a young man, looking to be about the same age as himself, hurried over to them.

“Anya!” He let out a nervous laugh, and turned to Spike. “Hey man, sorry about that. Spike, right?” Spike nodded. “Right, you’ve been expected. I’m Xander Harris, and this lovely, yet sometimes annoying woman, is my fiancée, Anya.” He turned to Anya, a firm look on his face. “Be nice, sweetie.”

Anya sighed, then put on another wide smile and reached her hand out in greeting. “Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins. Nice to meet you.” Spike shook her hand, a little warily.

Xander looked pleased, then even more so when the little bell over the door sounded, indicating that someone had entered the shop. “Anya, why don’t you…?”

Her face lit up. “Yes!” She turned to Spike. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go and make money.” With that she turned around and hurried over to the newly arrived costumers.

Xander laughed again, and when he spoke he sounded almost relieved. “That’s Anya! She’s just being…” He hesitated. “…Anya. Don’t worry; you’re gonna like her once you’ve gotten to know her.”

“Great.” Spike’s smile was a bit strained. “So, um…”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Come with me, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the scoobies.” Xander gestured for him to follow, and made his way over to a door that seemed to lead to another part of the store.

Spike followed him with a frown. “Scoobies?”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Tara, look!” Willow Rosenberg squealed as the pencil on the table in front of her lifted and started to flow in the air. But talking made her lose focus for a second, and the pencil dropped back down with a small ‘thump’.

“Wow, you almost made it!” Her girlfriend, Tara Maclay, walked up to Willow and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. “I told you, Willow, you have the potential to become a very powerful…”

“Hey!” Willow and Tara jumped at the sound of Xander’s voice, and turned around. Realizing that he wasn’t alone, they became quiet. Tara looked down at her feet.

Willow let out a nervous giggle, and walked over to Spike. “Hi, I’m Willow. You must be the… the guy who was supposed to come here to… to work. Giles’ nephew, right? Um… Spike?”

“Right.” Spike returned her smile, then glanced over to Tara who had yet to look up. “And you are…?”

Tara looked up, blushing. “I-I’m Tara.” She quickly looked away again, obviously not comfortable with the attention.

“Hello? Does anyone see me, or am I invisible?” Spike looked over to a table in the corner, and noticed a brown-haired girl with a sulky expression on her face. She looked a couple of years younger than the rest of them.

Xander rolled his eyes. “That’s Dawn. She’s…”

“…not too stupid to introduce herself, thank you very much.” Dawn glared at Xander and walked over to Spike, giving him the look-over. “Are you sure he’s…?”

“Dawn!” Xander gave her a warning look, and she sighed.

“You don’t have to yell at me.” She turned her attention back to Spike. “Hi, I’m Dawn.” She reached out her hand, giggling as he brought it up to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

“Nice to meet you, little bit.” Spike winked at her, causing her to giggle again, and her cheeks turned red.

“I think someone has a crush…” Willow made an ‘aw’ face. Her girlfriend finally looked up with a shy smile.

Dawn let out an ‘eep’. “I so do not! And I can’t believe you said that out loud, oh my God!” She glared at Willow before quickly leaving the room, muttering to herself.

“Okay, so the introductions have been made. Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?” Willow turned to Spike with a smile, gesturing for him to have a seat.

Spike realized that everyone’s eyes were on him, and started to feel a little uncomfortable. “Um, right. I... uh…” He hesitated. “What do you wanna know?“

Before anyone got the chance to answer, Anya entered the room. “Giles just called, he said he was going to be a little late. He had to deal with that…” She lowered her voice. “…thing. You know.”

The others nodded in understanding, but Spike frowned. “What thing? Thought Rupert was going to be here, is something wrong?”

“No, of course not!” Willow hurried to assure him, and the others shook their heads in agreement. Although, Spike didn’t miss the nervous glances they threw at each other.

“Anyway…” Anya went on, turning to Spike; “He said he’d meet you back at his place in about an hour. You know were that is?” Spike shook his head.

“I’ll take you there,” Xander offered and got up, stretching his arms over his head. “Need a break anyway, all this re…” He interrupted himself with a grimace. “…work’s starting to get to me.”

“Good idea, it’s getting late anyway, might as well call it a night.” Willow got up as well, smiling at Tara before turning to Spike. “It was really nice to meet you, see you tomorrow, right?” Spike nodded. “Great, then you can tell us more about yourself.”

Spike shrugged. “Sure.” Willow and Tara quickly excused themselves and left, leaving Spike and Xander to look at each other as Anya had already gone back out to the shop. Spike sighed. “Okay, do you mind tellin’ me…?”

“We’ve better get going.” Xander then gave him an apologetic look before he went on; “Look, I know you have a lot of questions, but I think you’ve better take that with Giles, okay? He’ll explain everything.”

“Right.” He was starting to find Xander’s behavior more than a little bit strange, but decided to let it go for now. The guy seemed okay after all, and Spike didn’t want to start questioning someone he’d just met. Not that he’d had any problems with that in the past, but this was new to him; he was one of the good guys now, and wasn’t about to mess things up again. And he could do that, right? He could be good. With that hopeful thought in mind, he grabbed his duster and followed Xander out into the shop.



TBC

An hour later, Spike had just finished unpacking his bags and was now waiting in the living room for his uncle to show up. Apparently, Xander had been given a key to Giles’ house; he hadn’t explained why and Spike hadn’t asked, and after giving him the tour and showing him which room he would be sleeping in, Xander had told him to make himself feel at home, and left. He was just about to turn the telly on, when the front door was opened.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rupert.” Spike got up to greet him, when he realized that his uncle wasn’t alone. A young, blonde girl; looking to be about the same age as himself, and the most beautiful girl Spike had ever seen, was standing behind him. “Um… hi.”

“Hi. Excuse me.” The girl barely looked at him before dropping a small bag on the floor and headed towards the kitchen.

“Buffy, wait, I’d like you to meet…” Giles stopped as the girl had already left the room, sighing before turning to Spike with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about that, she has… um…” He paused for a moment, then decided to change the subject. “I can’t tell you how nice it is to see you again, Spike, how long has it been? Five years?”

“Something like that.” Spike nodded, glancing towards the kitchen. “So, who’s that?”

“Oh, um… that was Buffy. She lives here as well, I’m sure you two will get along just fine.” Giles hesitated, like he was about to say something more, then became quiet.

“Buffy?” Spike chuckled. “What kinda name is that?” Then he became serious. “Is she seeing someone?”

Giles removed his glasses and started wiping them with the edge of his shirt. “Actually, um… are you hungry?” Once again he changed the subject, causing Spike to frown.

“No, thanks. About…”

“Then let’s sit down and, um… catch up.” Giles gestured towards the couch.

Spike sat back down, giving his uncle a curious look. “All right. No offense, but I kinda wondered…”

“Why I offered you this job?” Spike nodded. “Well, I…” Giles sat down in an arm chair. “How much do you know about magic, Spike?”

He shrugged. “Nothing, really. Tell the truth, never been interested.” Seeing the frown on Giles’ face, he hurried to add; “But I’m a quick study, I’m sure I’ll learn.” Giles looked relieved, and Spike continued; “Listen, Rupert, I really appreciate you’re doing this, but what’s in it for you? I mean, why me? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just find someone here in town who knows about this stuff?”

Giles was silent for a moment, then spoke. “When I heard about what happened to you in London…”

Spike interrupted him before he could finish, a cold expression on his face. “I see, so that’s what this is about? I don’t want this bloody job because you feel sorry for me, I don’t need your pity.”

“I can assure you, Spike, this has nothing to do with pity.” Giles gave him an annoyed look. “Would you mind letting me finish explaining?”

Spike sighed. “Course, sorry.”

“Thank you.” Giles went on; “I know only what your mother told me, I’d like to hear your side of the story some day.”

“Why?” Spike was confused. No one had asked him that before. His mother, his friends, the cops, they had asked him a lot of things; why he’d done it, what the hell he had been thinking, but they had never asked directly for his side of the story. Not that he would have been able to explain, anyway. How could you explain something you didn’t understand yourself?

Giles ignored his question. “There was a fight, yes?”

Spike let out a bitter laugh. “No. Not a fight.”

“Right.” Giles eyed him carefully. “How many, then?”

“Forgot.”

“I see. And it’s been going on for… how long? A couple of years?” Spike nodded. “Looks to me like you needed to get away for a while, am I right?”

“Yeah, but…” He took a deep breath. “I was in jail, Rupert.”

“I know.” Giles looked him right in the eyes as he continued; “The others don’t, however. I reckon you should be the one to decide if you want them to know or not.”

Spike gave him a surprised look. “Thanks. I really appreciate it. All of it, I mean.”

Giles nodded. “Very well, let’s move on. You asked me about Buffy before; there are some things you should know.” He sighed. “You might have found her behavior a bit… rude, but I can assure you, it has nothing to do with you. Ever since the… the accident, she has been… withdrawn.”

“Oh, right, William? Heard about that, I’m sorry. Were they close?” Spike suddenly felt stupid, he had completely forgotten about the accident three years earlier. But of course, he hadn’t seen William since they had been kids. Giles on the other hand…

Removing his glasses again, Giles closed his eyes for a second. “Yes, quite actually, they were, um… involved.” He swallowed. “It was very hard for all of us, but she took it the hardest, the poor girl. She loved him, you see.” He paused. “I lost my son, but she lost her soul mate. It took almost a year before she started speaking.”

For a moment, Spike didn’t know what to say. “I understand it must have been hard for her to talk about what happened.”

“No, you misunderstand.” Giles put his glasses back on. “I didn’t mean how long it took for her to talk about what happened, I meant how long it took for her to speak at all. She didn’t say a word, to anyone, for almost a year, she had withdrawn completely into herself. For a long time, I feared she would never recover. She was…” He swallowed again. “Buffy was the one who found him.”

“Oh, bloody hell!” Spike stared at his uncle in shock. “That’s…” He hesitated. “I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s all right, I understand.” Giles looked away for a moment. “I thought you should know why Buffy is the way she is, since you are going to be living in the same house.”

Spike nodded, still in a state of shock. “Thanks for telling me.” Giles hadn’t told him what happened to William, and he didn’t want to ask. Some things were just too personal, and he really hadn’t known William that well. Sure, they had been cousins, but that didn’t mean they had been close. He could honestly say that he knew nothing about what kind of life William had been living.

“You’re welcome. Now…” Giles put on a strained smile. “About the job, there are some things you should know.”

“Is Buffy working in the shop as well?” Spike had decided to push all thoughts of wanting to date Buffy to the back of his mind, but he was still curious.

“No. Well, um…” Hesitating, Giles stopped for a moment. “She…” He sighed. “All right, Spike, I’m gonna be straight with you here. What I am about to tell you, you might find it a bit hard to… take in. But I do assure you, I will be nothing but sincere. Do you believe me?”

Frowning, Spike nodded. “Course.”

“Right, well…” Giles took a deep breath. “Tell me, Spike, are you by any means familiar with the term ‘Slayer’?”


TBC

Spike shook his head. “Can’t say I am, no.”

“Right, of course.” Giles reached for his glasses, then seemed to realize what he was doing and let his hand drop into his lap. “All right, have you ever…?” He hesitated. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever witnessed something… supernatural?”

“What?” Spike looked at his uncle in confusion. “Told you I don’t know anything about magic, didn’t I?”

“Yes, well…” Giles sighed. “Not knowing is quite all right. But do you believe in it?”

Spike frowned. “Is there an answer to that question that won’t get me fired before I’ve even started?”

“I’ll take that as a no, then.” Giles got up with another sigh. “How about a drink? I have a feeling this will take a while.”

“Sure.”

Five minutes later, Giles returned with a bottle of Scotch. He put two small glasses on the table and poured some of the liquid into them before handing one of the glasses to Spike. Then he sat down again, this time on the couch. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, both sipping on their drinks, before Giles spoke again. “What would you say if I told you magic is real?”

Spike put his glass down, raising his eyebrows. “Um… I’d probably demand some proof.“ He paused. “You are kidding, right?”

Giles ignored his question. “When I said ‘supernatural’ before, I wasn’t only talking about magic. I was also referring to, um… supernatural beings.”

Spike took another sip from his glass. “Right. Like ghosts and stuff?”

“Well, yes and no.” Giles leaned back into the couch, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I haven’t come across any ghosts myself, to tell the truth, but I’m quite sure they do exist. However, I have encountered both vampires and other various demons.”

He stared at Giles in disbelief. “What kinda game are you playing here, Rupert?”

“Oh, it’s no game, I assure you. Vampires and demons are real.” Giles looked him right in the eyes for a brief moment, then got up again. “If you’ll excuse me…” He walked over to a large book shelf, immediately finding the book he was looking for, and pulled it out. Opening it, he started reading out loud; “In every generation there is a chosen one…” Then he changed his mind and walked back to the couch, placing the book on the table in front of Spike. “Second thought, why don’t you see for yourself, it’s all in there.”

Shaking his head, Spike’s eyes remained on Giles. “Are you listening to yourself, Rupert? That’s bollocks; don’t tell me you actually believe in that crap?” Giles just looked at him, and he frowned. “You do. All right, listen, none of this…” He gestured towards the book. “…is real. Think you may have been working in that shop a little too long, mate.” He let out an uncertain chuckle, and got up. “I mean, come on, Rupert, vampires?! Seriously!”

“It’s true, you know. Vampires are real.” Spike spun around at the sound of the soft voice, coming from the doorway. Buffy was standing there, a serious expression on her beautiful face.

He looked from Giles to Buffy. “What is this? Are you two very stoned? We’re having a talk about vampires here!”

Buffy ignored him and turned to Giles. “Have you explained the Slayer part to him?” She then glanced at Spike. “He loves that part. You see, in every generation…”

“Buffy, dear…” Giles interrupted her carefully, giving her a pleading look, and she became quiet. Then he turned back to Spike. “I know this is quite a bit to take in, and I can’t blame you for finding this information a little, um… shocking. But I do assure you, what I’m telling you is true.” Seeing that Spike was about to object, he hurriedly went on; “Yes, there are vampires and demons, but there are also people who fight them, people who are devoting themselves to keep the town safe from the, um… monsters.”

“Right, like the Slayer?” Spike crossed his arms over his chest.

Giles and Buffy looked at each other for a moment, then Buffy looked away. Giles cleared his throat. “Well, the Slayer has powers and strength that the rest of us don’t have, but we all try to do our best to help.” He suddenly got a proud look on his face. “In fact, I managed to take a vampire out myself earlier tonight.” Buffy nodded in agreement. Spike stared at them for a moment, then grabbed his duster and headed for the door.

“Where-where are you going?” The proud smile on Giles’ face disappeared, and got replaced with a worried expression.

Spike stopped by the door and looked back over his shoulder. “You’re both crazy, you know that? Well, I’m not, so I’m out of here. Good luck with the vampires and, um… have a nice life.” With that, he quickly opened the door and left without looking back.

“Spike, wait, you can’t…” Giles stopped, sighing when he realized that Spike was already gone. “Brilliant! Just… brilliant!”

Buffy walked over to the window and looked out. “The sun has been down for hours.”

Giles closed his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he gave her a firm look. “Go.”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike wasn’t sure of in which direction The Magic Box was, but he was convinced that he would find it and more importantly - his car - sooner or later. The town wasn’t that big, after all. He now regretted leaving his car there for the night and going over to Giles’ house with Xander; if he had taken his own car he could have been on his way out of this bloody town by now.

Not that he knew were he would go; he sure as hell wasn’t going back to London, but he didn’t intend on staying here either. Vampires! He snorted. Bollocks! His uncle was nuts, no question about it. And obviously, so was Buffy. Shame really, after all, the chit was hot. But he figured, after what she had been through, what else was there to expect?

A sudden cracking noise behind him pulled him out of his thoughts, and he spun around. Seeing nothing, he shrugged and kept going. But it didn’t take long before he heard it again. This time he stopped. “Right, whoever you are, I’m not afraid of you. Just sod off, or I’ll kick your bloody ass.” Silence. He snickered, certain that whoever it had been, he had scared them off. Almost too bad, kicking some serious ass actually sounded quite appealing right now. But no, he didn’t do that anymore, he had come here to get away from all that. He would just have to get used to not solving every situation with his fists.

He started walking again, but he had barely taken a few steps when he heard something that sounded suspiciously like footsteps. Once again he turned around, and wasn’t surprised when he didn’t see anyone this time either. Now he was starting to get angry. Someone was obviously playing with him, and that made him furious. He wasn’t afraid, whoever it was, he knew he could take them. God knew he had been taking down guys twice his size back in London.

Looking around, he sighed. This was starting to get ridiculous. He would never get to his car like this; stopping every time he heard something. Deciding to ignore whoever was following him, he once again started walking. For a couple of minutes he didn’t hear anything, and he let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He stopped paying attention to his surroundings, and found himself wondering again where he would go once he had gotten back to his car.

The sudden growl took him by surprise, and he didn’t even get the chance to turn around before he was knocked to the ground. Quickly jumping back up on his feet, ready to greet his attacker with a series of punches and kicks, he finally saw the man’s face. Only it wasn’t a man standing in front of him. Spike’s eyes widened, and he could hear Giles’ voice in his ear. ‘Vampires are real.’ Shaking his head in denial, he found himself starting to back away.

He knew he should do something; fight back or simply run, but he remained where he was, staring at the creature in both horror and fascination. The face was ridged and pale, the eyes were yellow, and the teeth… no, fangs, were sharp with red stains that looked suspiciously like blood. As he kept backing away, the creature followed, a threatening growl escaping from its throat.

Spike suddenly found himself trapped in a corner, and silently cursed. Rolling his eyes, he realized that his only option now was fighting the damn thing. A weapon of some kind would’ve been nice, but unfortunately, there was no such luck. The creature – he still refused to think of it as a vampire – had stopped, only a few feet away, and was now watching him, head tilted to the side and still growling. In an attempt to take it by surprise, Spike feigned a punch against its face, then ducked and shot his leg out, intending to make it go down by kicking its feet away.

The plan probably would’ve worked, had the attacker been human. Now it merely jumped back, reacting faster than any human would have been able to, grinning madly. Before Spike got the chance to react; it all happened so fast he didn’t even see the thing move; it grabbed him by the throat and threw him back, hard, against the brick wall behind him. More than a little dazed after hitting his head, but desperately trying to stay conscious, Spike watched the creature approaching him again through blurred eyes.

He struggled to get up, but a wave of dizziness came over him. Should’ve ran, mate, he thought to himself, cursing his stupidity. It was then he realized that the vampire – hell, who was he kidding? – had yet to attack again. That was weird, right? Shouldn’t it be drinking his blood by now? He blinked a couple of times and slowly looked around, seeing that it was still there, but now it seemed to be fighting someone else, though he couldn’t see who it was. Then the vampire snarled and hissed the word ‘Slayer!’ Spike’s eyes widened as it suddenly just seemed to explode – into a cloud of dust.


TBC

“Are you okay?” Buffy gave Spike a look of concern as she made her way over to him.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, staring at her in bewilderment. “Was that…? Did he just…?”

“Go ‘poof’? Yeah, they do that.” Buffy nodded, then frowned. “Kinda weird, if you think about it. Other demons don’t do that. They usually just melt into a big puddle of goo, it’s really gross.”

“Uh huh, I bet.” Spike shook his head as if to clear it. “So, you’re telling me that was a…?”

“A vampire, yes.” Buffy gave him a strange look. “You really haven’t seen one before?” Spike just shook his head. “Huh. All right, come on, we’ve better get back before Giles will lose it. You don’t wanna see him freak out, believe me.”

Spike looked at her in confusion for a moment, then shook his head firmly. “Don’t think so, pet. Just have to find my car, then I’m out of here.”

She nodded in understanding. “I see. And if you’ll run into another vampire?”

He gave her a blank look before glancing around. “There are more?” She just raised her eyebrows. “Right, then I’ll just kick its soddin’ ass. How hard can it be?”

Buffy snorted. “Yeah, ‘cause you really seemed to know what to do when that vamp attacked you before.”

“I do now!” Spike glared at her. “I’ll just stab it with a…” He glanced down at the sharp, wooden object in Buffy’s hand.

Looking amused, Buffy held it up in front of him, so he could get a better look. “It’s called a stake. It has to be made of wood. Have any of those hidden somewhere in that coat?” He just looked at her for a moment, then shook his head with a defeated sigh. “Then how do you plan on ‘kicking its soddin’ ass’?” She made a terrible imitation of his British accent. Seeing that he seemed to be at a loss for words, she took pity on him. “Why don’t you just come back home with me? If you still wanna leave tomorrow, then I’m sure Giles won’t mind giving you a ride. Where were you going, anyway?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. Just… away from this bleedin’ town.”

“So, you’re not taking the job Giles offered you?” Buffy gave him a curious look, waiting for him to answer. Spike remained silent, and she went on; “That’s okay, I’m sure he won’t mind. And it’s not like you really need the job, right? I mean, I’m sure you’ll find something else, wherever you’re going.” The tone in her voice indicated that she doubted, and that made him really annoyed.

“You don’t know a bloody thing about me!”

Buffy shrugged. “Guess not. I just assumed that you weren’t stupid enough to turn a really good offer down, unless you had another option.” Knowing that she had a point, Spike had no idea how to respond to that. Her expression softened. “Just give it a chance, okay? I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think.”

“Right!” Spike snorted. “So, I’ll be working in a magic shop by day and killing vampires by night. Bloody dream come true!”

“Slaying.”

He gave her a confused look. “I beg your pardon?”

She smiled a little as she explained; “We don’t say ‘kill’ vampires, we use the word ‘slay’. Sounds more…” She hesitated.

“Professional?” He smirked.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Appropriate.”

“Of course.” Spike gave her a doubtful look. “Vampires are real?”

“Uh huh.”

“Bloody hell!”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

About an hour later, Buffy and Spike had returned to Giles’ house and were currently sitting in the kitchen, waiting for their tea to get ready. Buffy sighed. “Giles has been living in the states for years; you’d think he’d discovered the miracle of the coffee maker by now.”

Spike snorted. Then he became serious. “You do this a lot, then?”

She frowned. “Making tea?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. Killing…” He paused, correcting himself. “Slaying vampires.”

“Oh.” Buffy took the kettle off of the stove and poured some of the hot beverage into two large cups. “Almost every night.” He gave her an impressed look, and she shrugged. “I have been training with Giles for years. He was…” She paused, handing Spike one of the cups. “He’s a Watcher. It’s his job to…”

Spike interrupted her, a smirk on his face. “Watch?”

The look she gave him told him she was not a least bit amused. “No. A Watcher is a person who’s responsible for teaching the Slayer everything there is to know about vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness. It’s the Watcher’s job to prepare the Slayer for the inevitable battle between Good and Evil.”

He let out a low whistle. “Yeah? Never would’ve taken Rupert for the type who was into that kind of stuff. Quite impressive.”

“I guess.” Buffy smiled a little. “Giles has been wonderful. He’s been like a father to me. He’s taken care of me ever since…” She stopped, abruptly, and looked away.

“Since William died?” Spike eyed her a little warily, not sure if the topic was off limits. Buffy nodded, so he guessed it was okay to go on. “I’m sorry about what happened. Hardly knew him, though. Rupert said you were pretty close.”

“We were.”

Spike waited for her to say something more, but she didn’t. He then decided to change the subject, and cleared his throat. “Right, so Rupert has been training you? How long have you been the Slayer?”

Buffy looked up, a bewildered look on her face. “What?!”

He frowned. “You know, how long have you known you were destined to save the world from Evil? I don’t know how it works. Do you find out at a certain age, or have you always known?”

“What are you talking about?” Buffy stared at him like he had lost his mind. “I’m not the Slayer!”

“You’re not?” Suddenly he was beyond confused. “But…”

She burst out laughing. “Oh my God, are you kidding?! A girl as a Slayer, that’s just…” She shook her head in amusement. “No, Spike, I’m not the Slayer. You are.”


TBC

Spike just stared at Buffy for a moment, a confused expression on his face. Then he burst out laughing. “Right, I’m the soddin’ Slayer! Good one.” When she didn’t laugh, or even looked amused, he stopped, frowning. “You are joking, right?”

“Spike…” Buffy let out a tired sigh, realizing that she shouldn’t have said anything. Giles had specifically told her that he was to be the one telling Spike about his destiny. She really hadn’t meant to just blurt it out like that, but it was too late to take it back now. And simply telling him that it had been a joke was not an option. So, she would just have to convince him that it was true, get him to believe it, but judging by the doubtful look on his face, it wouldn’t be easy. “It’s not a joke. You are the Slayer.”

He shook his head in denial, now dead serious. “Seriously, pet, you’ve got the wrong bloke here. I don’t know why you’d think that, but you’re wrong. Hell, I didn’t even know vampires existed a couple of hours ago. Honestly, I’m still not sure I believe it. This is all just…” He hesitated, remembering something. “But that vampire you killed… He called you ‘Slayer’.”

“No.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “I just asked him why he would be stupid enough to attack the Slayer. He had no idea who you were. It took him by surprise, and I could easily…”

Spike interrupted her, staring at her in disbelief. “You talk to the vampires before you kill them?!”

She shrugged. “Not like we’re having any deep conversations or anything. It’s just really annoying how they always have to say something, like ‘this will be the last thing you’ll ever do’, or something equally lame. So, I usually try to insult them first, it’s not like they can hear me afterwords, being all dusty.”

He shook his head again, as if to clear it. “You’re bloody insane!”

Buffy glared at him. “Anyway, that’s why he said ‘Slayer’, he wasn’t talking about me. It’s a known fact that women can’t be Slayers. Don’t ask me why, I personally think that it’s totally unfair. But the Slayer Manual says… Hold on, I’ll show you.” She jumped up from the chair and disappeared out of the kitchen, only to return a moment later with the book Giles had shown him earlier. She opened the book and put it down on the table. “It says here in the first paragraph…” She started reading out loud; “In every generation there is a Chosen One. He alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. He is the Slayer.” She handed him the book, so he could see for himself.

Spike looked at the page, briefly, before pushing the book back towards her. “All right. So, the Slayer has to be a bloke. Doesn’t prove that it’s me.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Giles, his voice coming from the doorway behind them. “It’s you, Spike. For a long time I wasn’t sure myself, but I finally had to face the facts, and so will you. Being the Slayer is your destiny.”

Buffy gave Giles a guilty look. “I’m sorry, Giles, I didn’t mean to…”

Giles held up his hand to stop her. “It’s quite all right, dear. But I think it would be best right now if I could speak to Spike alone, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure.” Buffy got up. “I think I’ll just go to bed, I’m really tired. Goodnight.” She gave Giles a brief hug, and quickly left the room.

Waiting until he was sure Buffy was gone, Giles then turned to Spike. “I know this must come as a shock to you, but the sooner you will accept the truth, the better, for all of us.” He paused. “I suppose you want to know how I can be so sure of this.”

Spike shook his head. “Whatever you think you know, you’re wrong, Rupert. I’m not a Slayer.”

“Have you had any strange dreams where you have been someone else? Any extremely violent nightmares?” Giles sat down on a chair, giving Spike a serious look.

He snorted. “Everybody has weird dreams sometimes. Doesn’t prove anything.”

Giles ignored him. “You’ve been involved in a lot of violent fights during the last couple of years, am I right?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Yes, then I almost killed a bloke and got to spend three months in jail. But you obviously know all that, said so yourself before. What does that have to do with anything?”

Sighing, Giles looked him right in the eyes. “Your mother told me that when you were younger, the kids in your school used to pick on you. But you never once fought back. When did all that change?” Spike looked at him, blankly, for a moment, then glanced away with a shrug. Giles went on; “Suddenly, you could fight back, get back at all those people who used to hurt you. Didn’t you ever wonder where your new strength came from?”

Spike kept his gaze at the table, refusing to meet his uncle’s eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do.” Giles gave him a patient look. “I’m going to make a wild guess here; you tell me if I’m wrong. When you first realized that something about you had changed, was it about three years ago?” Looking up in surprise, Spike eyed his uncle warily, before finally nodding. Giles nodded also, his suspicions confirmed. “I see.”

“I don’t get it.” Spike looked at Giles in confusion.

Giles looked thoughtful for a moment, then spoke again; “July 14th, 2004. Does that date mean anything to you?”

Spike stared at him, shock evident on his face. “How the bloody hell did you…?”

“It means something special to me, too.” Giles sighed, and took a deep breath before he went on. “That was the day I lost my son.” His eyes met Spike’s. “The day William died. You see, William was the Slayer before you. Until he was killed, and you got called as the new Slayer.”


TBC

The next morning, Spike had once again found himself eying the various items on the shelves in the magic shop. He was now sitting at the table in the small room behind the shop with Buffy and Giles, waiting for the rest of the gang to show up. Anya had already arrived, of course, insisting that she had to take care of the customers, so they would want to buy things and give her money.

He was still in a state of shock from last night’s events, not to mention from the bombshell Giles had dropped about William. A part of him still refused to believe that it was real - not about the vampires; he couldn’t deny their existence, even to himself, no matter how much he may have wanted to - but the part about him being the Slayer. It was ridiculous, really, yet Giles insisted that it was true, and so did Buffy. Now he wondered if the other people he had met last night – what had Xander called them, scoobies? - knew as well. It sure would explain their weird behavior if that was the case.

It didn’t take long before Xander entered the room, followed by Willow and Tara. Xander was carrying a large box of donuts, which he placed carefully on the table with a goofy grin. “I come bringing sugary goodness for everyone! However, the one with chocolate is mine, anyone dare touching that, and I can’t guarantee your survival… hey, put it down!” He glared at Willow, who had already reached for the pastry in question, and was now happily munching on it with an innocent look on her face. Muttering to himself, he sat down and reached for a glazed one instead.

Giles cleared his throat, giving Xander an annoyed look. “Are you done, Xander? We have important things to discuss, that’s why I called for a meeting this morning.”

Willow nodded in understanding, glancing at Spike. “Of course, the… um, the work-thing.” She smiled at Spike. “First day at your new job, bet you’re excited, huh?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Oh, excited doesn’t cover it.”

Giles looked at the others, making sure he had their total attention. “All right. Last night, I explained the situation to Spike, and…” He hesitated. “He is now aware of what is going on here.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Willow interrupted him. “Oh, thank God, so we don’t need to keep up this ‘job’ charade. Good, ‘cause…”

“Hold on!” Spike glared at Giles, crossing his arms over his chest. “There’s no bloody job?! What else have you been lying about, Rupert?”

“Wait, I didn’t mean…” Willow casted a nervous look at Giles, who held up his hand to stop her.

“I can assure you, Spike, the job is real. You will be working here in the shop with Anya, and I will tell you everything you’ll need to know about it in a while. However, that is not the main reason you are here, as I explained to you last night.” Giving Spike a patient look, Giles went on, now turning to the others as well; “Since Spike is going to need some training before he can start slaying for real, you lot will have to do the patrolling without me for the next couple of nights.”

The rest of the gang just nodded, but Spike stared at him in disbelief. “Training? Patrolling? What the bloody hell are you on about? I agreed to come here today, but that’s all.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I never said I’d accept being the soddin’ Slayer, you can’t just assume…” He stopped as he noticed the confused expressions on the other’s faces. “What?!”

Xander looked at Giles. “I thought you said you’d explained?”

Giles got a guilty look on his face. “Yes, well…”

Spike interrupted him, his face a mixture of confusion and irritation. “Explained what?”

Buffy spoke up, for the first time since they had arrived at the store. “Being the Slayer is not something you can choose whether or not to be, Spike. It’s who you are. That will only change when you…” She stopped, looking down at her hands, unable to finish the sentence.

Raising his eyebrows, Spike waited for her to go on, but she didn’t. He swallowed, looking at the others. “When I… what? When I die?” An awkward silence was all the response he got, and he let out a bitter laugh. “So, that’s it? I’m destined to kill vampires for the rest of my bloody life?! Then what?”

Giles gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?”

Glaring at him, Spike spoke between clenched teeth. “Then. What? After I die?”

Opening his mouth, then closing it again, Giles seemed unsure of what to say. Finally he spoke. “Well, I suppose another Slayer will be called. He will…” His voice trailed off.

“… just pick it up where I left off? Like I never even existed?” Spike snorted and got up, his voice trembling when he spoke again; “Forget it, I’m not doing it.” Seeing that Giles was about to object, he hurriedly went on; “I don’t care if it’s my fucking destiny, never believed in that shit, anyway. If you’re all so eager to fight the bloody vampires, then go ahead. But you’ll have to do it without me; I have better things to do with my life than just sit around and wait to get killed.”

“Oh, I see. Like all the good things you have accomplished in your life so far? You must be very proud of yourself.” Giles immediately regretted his words, but it was too late to take them back. “I apologize, that was not fair of me. I didn’t mean…”

“Sure you did.” Spike gave him a cold look. “Meant every bloody word. Nice to know how you really feel about me.” Giles opened his mouth to say something, but Spike ignored him and headed for the door, slamming it shut behind him as he left the room.

No one said anything for almost a minute. Then Xander let out a nervous little laugh. “All right, that went well! Way to go, G-man!” Giles just glared at him, and he hurried to add; “And I’ll never call you that again.”


TBC

Buffy closed the door quietly behind her, silently muttering to herself. She’d been relieved when she’d spotted Spike’s black car outside Giles’ house, thankful that he hadn’t have time to leave yet. This was just so typical; she should’ve figured it would come to this. Giles screwed up, and as always, she was the one who had to fix it. It wasn’t the first time it happened; she’d seen this so many times before, with William. Sure, she loved Giles like a father, and without him she probably wouldn’t be here today, but sometimes he could be so… stupid.

She hardly knew Spike, but she could already see some resemblances with William. Her boyfriend had been proud and stubborn, yet caring and sensitive. And he had absolutely hated being the Slayer. She and William had been in the same class back in high school, and they had hit it off right away. A part of her had found that strange, and she knew he had as well, because they couldn’t possibly be any more different. He was quiet, somewhat withdrawn, and very smart. She was social, very popular, and couldn’t care less about school. But still, there was something between them that just seemed to click. And it didn’t take long before the two of them were pretty much inseparable.

They had been together for almost a year, the longest relationship either of them had been involved in, when something seemed to change. Suddenly, William started to avoid her, making up lame excuses why they couldn’t spend time together as much as they used to. She could still remember how afraid and miserable she had been. William was the only guy she had ever loved, and just the mere thought of not being able to spend the rest of her life with him terrified her. Of course, she had thought that he didn’t love her anymore, that he had met someone else. Because how could she possibly had known what was really going on?

Buffy hadn’t been proud of it, but one night she had followed him, having decided that if he was going to leave her, she had the right to know for who. And she had gotten the shock of her lifetime. She had followed William to one of Sunnydale’s cemeteries, where he had met up with, not some pretty girl, but his father. At first she had been relieved. Then she’d seen the vampire. She had panicked, just about to scream bloody murder, when she realized what was happening. William and his father didn’t seem surprised at all; they had known that the vampire would be there. Hiding behind one of the large crypts, she had watched him fight. It was amazing.

It didn’t take long before the vampire disappeared - literally - into dust. Hesitating, wanting to make sure there were no more around, Buffy had finally left her hiding place and made her way over to him. To say that William had been surprised to see her was a huge understatement. But at the same time, he had seemed relieved. Giles on the other hand hadn’t been happy. But then he had asked her to come back to the house with them, where he had explained everything about vampires and Slayers to her. After that night, she had started training with Giles as well. And a week later, she had gone with William on patrol for the first time.

Of course, it had been a total disaster. A vampire had to be staked through the heart, or decapitated. It had looked so easy when William did it, but when she’d tried, she’d missed. William had to come to her rescue, much to her embarrassment. But a couple of nights later, she had managed to slay her first vampire. After that, they always patrolled together, and her fighting skills got better and better, although she would never be as good as William. After all, he was the Chosen One, they came with special abilities.

She soon discovered that William wasn’t happy about having to fight the forces of darkness every night. More than once, he insisted to quit. Of course, that wasn’t possible, as Giles kept pointing out. Giles had been working for the Council of Watchers, and his eagerness for William to get over his ‘issues’ and start accepting who he really was, made their father/son relationship more than a little strained. Then there was the Cruciamentum. It was a cruel test all Slayers had to endure exactly one year after they got called. The Slayer had to face a vicious vampire, stripped of all his powers. It was simply to kill or get killed. Giles had refused to be a part of it, and quit the Council. That hadn’t been taken well.

As the horrible memories now came rushing back to her, Buffy closed her eyes, willing herself to stop thinking about it. She hadn’t cried yet, and wasn’t going to start now. She had spent the first year after William’s tragic death in a fog, not speaking to anyone. It was Giles who finally had managed to pull her out of it, forcing her to realize that William wouldn’t come back, and if she kept withdrawing herself from the world, his death would be meaningless. So, she had started training again. And eventually, she had also taken up the slaying; doing her best to keep Sunnydale safe from the vampires and demons until the next Slayer would be called.

What neither of them knew was that the new Slayer already had been called as soon as William died. Without his contacts at the Council, Giles didn’t have much to go on, and soon, the thought of a new Slayer became more of a myth for all of them. But then one day, almost three years later, Giles had gotten a desperate phone call from his sister - Anne. After hearing the story about all the trouble her son had gotten himself into over the past years, Giles had no choice but to accept the facts. Spike - his nephew - was the new Slayer.

And now Buffy realized that he obviously wasn’t any happier about it than William had been. Not that she could blame him, of course. But it didn’t matter; William never had a choice, and neither did Spike. Sighing, Buffy knew that it was up to her to make him see that.


TBC

”Hey.” Buffy gave Spike a small smile and sat down next to him on the couch. “What are you doing?” She blushed then, realizing how stupid her question was since the TV was on. Obviously, he thought it was a stupid question as well, since he didn’t even dignify it with an answer. Deciding to try starting a conversation, Buffy changed the subject. “I thought you’d be packing your bags by now.”

He looked away from the TV then, raising a scarred eyebrow. “Why? Can’t wait to get rid of me?”

She rolled her eyes. “So not what I meant. But from what I’ve seen so far, you’re pretty good at running away from your problems.”

His eyes narrowed, and he got a cold expression on his face. “You don’t know a bloody thing about me.”

“Maybe not.” Buffy shrugged. “So, you’re staying then?” Spike didn’t answer, and she went on; “Giles won’t be back for a couple of hours.” He looked a little relieved, but still didn’t say anything. She gave him a thoughtful look. “You know, he didn’t really mean…”

Spike interrupted her before she could finish. “Yes, he did. And I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Fine.” They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, until Buffy spoke again. “What happened in London?”

She didn’t think he would answer, so she was surprised when he spoke almost immediately. “What happened to William?” Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it again, staring at him in shock for a moment. Spike went on; “Was it a vampire?”

Swallowing, Buffy looked down at her hands. “I… I don’t…”

”…wanna talk about it?” She looked up then, and he could see that she desperately tried to fight back tears. He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, but if that’s the case, don’t you think I have the right to know?”

Inhaling shakily, Buffy struggled to get her emotions under control before speaking. “Maybe. But…” She swallowed again, not able to remember the last time she’d actually talked to anyone about what happened to William. And it wasn’t just her; Giles and her friends avoided the subject as well. Giles probably did it because the memories were too painful, not to mention that it had to remind him of his part of the whole thing. But she suspected that her friends didn’t talk about William’s death because they were simply afraid of how she would react.

Sure, William had been their friend as well, but now three years had passed, and Xander and Anya, Willow and Tara had all moved on. Buffy knew it wouldn’t be fair to say that they had forgotten about William and everything he had done for them, of course they hadn’t, but still, they had moved on. Sometimes she wondered if she would ever be able to fully move on with her life, if she would ever find love again. She would never find someone like William again, of that she was sure. He had been one of a kind, unique. And she had loved him more than anything.

“Have you ever really been in love? Loved someone so much it actually hurts to be around that person, because you know that if you weren’t, you’d be…” Buffy hesitated, searching for the right word. “…lost?” Spike looked at her, a surprised expression on his face, then shook his head. Buffy let out a tired sigh. “I have.” She paused for a moment, then went on, her mind made up; “All right, Spike. I’ll tell you what you wanna know. If you’ll tell me what happened to you in London.”

He seemed to be thinking about it. “Kind of a long story, pet. Sure you’re up to listening? Might bore you.”

Buffy let out a snort. “I don’t get bored that easily. Have been living with Giles for years, remember?” He chuckled. “Okay, you go first.”

His smile disappeared. “Why me?”

“Because I say so.” His brows went up, and she rolled her eyes. “Please?”

Spike sighed. “Oh, bloody hell! Fine! But don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. My story won’t be pretty.”

Buffy looked him right in the eyes, a dead serious expression on her face. “Believe me, Spike, neither will mine.”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So, um… now what?” Willow looked around the room, her eyes staying on Giles. He removed his glasses and started cleaning them.

“Yes, Giles, what are we gonna do? I bet you feel really stupid now, chasing away the Slayer just when we had finally found him. What were you thinking?” Anya sat down by the table next to Xander. Giles glared at her.

“Anya… not helping, sweetie.” Xander turned to Giles, with an apologetic look. “But seriously, Giles. I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say this is not good.”

Giles sighed, putting his glasses back on his nose. “Yes, Xander, I am aware of the inconvenience of the situation.”

“You-you don’t think he will really leave, do you?” Tara had a worried look on her face.

Willow gave her girlfriend an assuring smile. “I’m sure Buffy can convince him to stay.” She turned to Giles, her smile faltering. “Right?”

“Oh, I’m quite sure she…” Giles paused. “Maybe I should head back there.”

Anya frowned. “But Buffy told you to stay here. Probably because she didn’t want you to make things any worse than you already have.” Then she saw the look Xander gave her, and put on a bright smile. “Not that you would. Go you!” Xander put his head down on the table with a groan.

“Anya, shouldn’t you go back out into the store?” He lifted his head and gave his girlfriend a pleading look. Anya’s face lit up at the thought of potential customers, and she left the room with a happy smile on her face. Xander looked relieved, Willow and Tara amused, and Giles looked troubled.

Hesitating for a brief moment, Giles spoke. “I got a phone call late last night from Quentin Travers, the head of the Watchers Council. Apparently, they are aware of the arrival of the new Slayer in Sunnydale. He, um, he wondered when I was going to inform them about it.” He snorted. “Wanker!”

Willow looked confused. “But you don’t work for the Council anymore.”

“Right.” Xander added with a frown; “And how did they find out in the first place?”

Giles got a grim expression on his face. “Believe me, they have their ways. I just hope they won’t become a problem. The last thing we need right now is the Council running around here. Let’s just hope it won’t come to that.” They were all quiet for a couple of minutes, each of them remembering the last time someone from the Council had payed them a visit. It had ended in disaster.


TBC

“Right…” Spike wasn’t sure of how to begin. He had promised to tell Buffy his story, but he was a little worried about her reaction. “What happened in London was…” He hesitated. “Well, let’s just say I made some bad decisions. And when I say ‘bad’, I mean really bad.”

They were both sitting on the couch in the living room, and Buffy leaned back to get more comfortable. “What, you killed someone?” She had meant it as a joke, trying to light up the mood a little, certain that it couldn’t be nearly that serious, but her smile faltered when she saw the look on his face. “Oh my God, you did!”

He glared at her. “I didn’t bloody kill anyone! Was close, though, but…” Seeing how she opened her mouth, about to interrupt again, he held up his hand to stop her. “You wanna hear my story? Then we’re doing it my way. I’ll talk, and you’ll keep your mouth shut until I’m done. That’s the deal; no interruptions. Got it?” She stared at him in disbelief for a moment, then she actually pouted. It was the most adorable thing he had ever seen, and he found himself wanting to pull her into his arms and start nibbling on her bottom lip. Shaking his head, as if to clear it, he raised an eyebrow, silently asking her to accept his conditions. Finally she nodded.

“Good.” He took a deep breath. “Before I got here, I was in jail for assault and battery.” Buffy’s eyes widened, but Spike had to admire her self control; true to her words, she didn’t say anything, just waited for him to go on. “There was this guy; Liam. He’s been the bloody thorn in my side since we were kids. Used to beat me up every day after school, and got his friends to steal my lunch money. He was a first class bully, and I suppose I was the perfect victim; never said anything, or even tried to fight back.” He looked away, suddenly ashamed. “I was a geek back in school, all right? Didn’t have any friends, and spent every night alone in my room, writing bloody awful poetry about some girl I would never have.”

Spike looked up then, giving her a look that dared her to laugh. She didn’t, so he went on; “To make a long story short; it went on like that for years and no one cared. Then one day, I guess I’d just had enough.” He paused as the memories came rushing back, still remembering the sound of Liam’s nose breaking. He also remembered how shocked he had been when he realized what he had just done. “One of the teachers saw me hitting him, so I got sent to the principal’s office. Got suspended for a week, since Liam and his friends told him that I started the whole thing. It was my word against theirs, so of course, no one believed me.”

Buffy still didn’t say anything, but the sympathy he could see in her eyes made him feel both annoyed and relieved at the same time, something he couldn’t quite understand. A part of him couldn’t believe that he was actually telling her this; Buffy was practically a stranger, not to mention the fact that he was attracted to her, and a confession like this wasn’t exactly a way to impress a girl. But there was just something about her that made him feel like he could tell her anything, and she wouldn’t judge him. He just prayed that he wasn’t wrong.

“After that, I thought they’d leave me alone, but they didn’t. Was just a couple of weeks left to graduation, so I decided to just try staying out of their way.” Spike remembered how relieved he had been when he’d left the school area for the last time, certain that all the years of hell were finally over. Now, he would never have to see any of them again. He had been wrong.

“Got a job at a workshop, and things went quite well for a couple of weeks. But it turned out that the owner of the shop was Liam’s father.” Spike let out a bitter laugh. “Didn’t take long before the wanker found out I was working there. He and his mates used to wait outside when I got off my shift.”

“One question?” Buffy looked so nervous that he didn’t have the heart to snap at her for interrupting. He nodded, much to her relief. “Did you ever tell anyone about what was going on?”

He shook his head. “Was no point, really. No one would believe me, anyway.”

“But that’s just… awful!” Buffy was almost in tears, and even though he was touched that she actually seemed to care, a part of him didn’t want her to feel sorry for him. The last thing he wanted was her pity. He supposed he wasn’t used to people caring about him.

Ignoring her last comment, he just went on. “One day, I just felt that something about me had changed. It was July 14th, 2004. Suddenly I felt stronger, like I’d been lifting weights for years or something, only I hadn’t.” He had never understood how it was possible, but at the time, he hadn’t really cared. All he knew was that he no longer had to be that loser who would just stand there and take whatever shit that was thrown his way. So, he had started fighting back. For the last couple of years, violence and fighting had been his entire world.

No words could describe how good it had felt to be in the middle of a fight, knowing that no matter how many people he was up against, he could take them. It was a wonderful, addictive feeling, and the rush he used to feel when he broke some guy’s nose or ribs was overwhelming. As was the guilt and the emptiness he always felt when it was over.

Rumors about him started going around town, and it didn’t take long before people he had hardly seen before started searching him out to get a piece of him. Of course, they never stood a chance. Girls who had never even looked his way back in high school now came running after him, because suddenly he was somebody, somebody they wouldn’t have to be ashamed to be seen with. Suddenly he was cool. He never took the girls up on their suggestions and pathetic offerings, though. Because deep down, he was disgusted with himself, disgusted with the fact that the only reason they wanted him was because he was bad. Once he had overheard a girl tell her friends that he actually could kill another guy with his bare hands. Her friends had been beyond impressed, and he had just wanted to vomit.

Strange how he could just sit here now and tell the entire story without feeling a thing. It was like he was talking about someone else; like his life was just something he had watched on the telly. Only it wasn’t. And now when he had come this far, he might as well tell Buffy the rest. How he had finally taken things too far, a tragic mistake that came to change everything, and almost destroyed his life. So, Spike told her about the incident that had started as self defense, as usual, and had ended with him realizing that even though he had stopped kicking the fallen man on the street, he wasn’t getting up.

Not that it had been the first time he had beaten someone unconscious, but this time the guy didn’t breathe. His face had been a bloody mess, and for a moment, Spike was sure he had killed him. Luckily, after almost a month in the hospital, the guy – Spike still didn’t know his name, or maybe he had simply forgotten – had almost recovered. The police had arrested him, and he had confessed to all charges. Spike supposed he had gotten away easy; the three months he had spent in jail hadn’t exactly been a picnic, but he realized it could’ve been a lot worse. The day after he had been released, he’d decided to leave London for good.

And now here he was, waiting for Buffy’s reaction, waiting for the look of disgust on her beautiful face, waiting for her to either jump up from the couch and run away screaming before locking herself into her bedroom, or confronting him with harsh words and accusations. Either way, the result would be the same. Buffy would hate him now. Because no matter what happened, no matter what he would do, he would always be alone.


TBC

For a couple of minutes, Buffy was quiet, desperate not to reveal the inner battle she was fighting. She was torn between wanting to hug him, or simply run. Hug him because she realized the unfairness of it all; just like William, Spike didn’t want this, he just wanted a normal life. But unlike William, Spike had to go through years of pain, violence, and confusion all by himself. More than once during the years as a Slayer, William had questioned his part of it all. He may not have liked it, or even understood it, but at least he didn’t have to go through it alone. He’d had his friends, and also his father, guiding him through every step of the way, whether he liked it or not. And, of course, he’d had her. Spike hadn’t been that lucky.

And she wanted to run, because she could see so much of William in him, and that was confusing, not to mention painful. When Giles had revealed the new Slayer’s identity, and told her that Spike was coming to Sunnydale, Buffy had been terrified, since she didn’t doubt for a second that Spike would be a walking reminder of William. She’d decided to avoid him as much as she could, not talk to him unless she had to. That was why she had simply ran past him without even saying hello when she’d first met him. But luckily, Spike and William weren’t alike at all, at least not on the outside, and that fact had made it a little easier for her.

At first sight, back in high school, William may have been mistaken for what the popular kids would call ‘a geek’, but that wasn’t true at all. He’d just never cared much about physical appearance; he wore glasses and a tweed jacket, and he did it with pride, he was confident with himself just the way he was. Both he and Buffy had been surprised, though, when she had ended up falling for him, because William was so different from the guys she usually liked. But Buffy soon discovered that ‘different’ sometimes could be a very good thing.

Spike on the other hand was a year younger, and looked like the classic ‘bad guy’; bleached blond hair, slicked back with large amounts of hair gel, and all dressed in black, a black leather duster complementing the look, and he was gorgeous. But Buffy hadn’t known him for long, and already she’d come to realize that behind all the leather was really just a lost boy who wanted nothing more than to simply be loved. She also suspected that hiding behind a hard mask had probably been his only way of surviving those months in jail.

Now, after listening to Spike’s story, seeing the fear in his eyes as he waited for her reaction, Buffy could clearly see the resemblance between the two, and she finally realized why. It was all about the eyes. William’s eyes had the most beautiful shade of deep blue, just like Spike’s, but it wasn’t the color that now almost made her gasp for air and feel like she was drowning. It was beyond that, it was what was behind his eyes, almost like she could see directly into his soul. She could now see fear, frustration, anger, pain, and confusion, all at once, just like she’d seen the same thing every time she had looked at William.

But in William’s eyes, there had also been something more. Hope. Hope that one day everything would be okay, that he would find a way to escape his unwanted destiny and finally be able to have a normal life, finally be able to rest. And in a way, Buffy now realized, he had gotten what he’d wanted. Even though the mere thought was almost too painful for her to handle, a part of her wondered if William, during his last seconds on earth, hadn’t been a little relieved. Relieved, because it would finally be over. She had loved William with everything she was, and she knew that he’d loved her just as much, but still.

The thought that maybe William in the end had chosen to take the easy way out, made her furious. Not at him, of course, but at the situation. She didn’t think that William had really wanted to die, he’d known what losing him would do to her, but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t welcomed Death when it was clear to him that his time was up. Maybe it wasn’t just him; maybe every Slayer had a secret death wish. Deep down, Buffy had known it all along, even though she would never say it out loud. Being forced to be the Slayer against his will was what had destroyed William, just as much as the vampire who had gotten his one good day, thanks to the Council. And now, the same fate awaited Spike.

The lack of hope in Spike’s eyes was what finally made Buffy decide not to run. She knew that he, deep down, already had accepted the fact that his life was over, almost before it had even started, and it broke her heart. It shouldn’t have to be like that, there had to be more to life than a stupid destiny. And she wasn’t going to let the same thing that happened to William happen to Spike. William wouldn’t get a second chance at life, but it wasn’t too late for Spike. And maybe not for her, either.

All this time, Spike had just sat there, waiting for her to speak. Buffy wanted to tell him that it would be okay, that things would be better now, but suddenly her throat felt completely dry, and her mouth seemed unwilling to form any words. So instead, she just reached out her hand and gently put it on top of his. The surprised look on his face wasn’t lost on her, but he didn’t say anything, nor did she. For what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes, they sat there on the couch, two lost people who finally, maybe, would be able to find some hope in each other. Because if there wasn’t hope, there was really nothing left.


TBC

”Your turn, pet.” Buffy and Spike had moved from the couch in the living room into the kitchen, and were now sitting, quietly, at the table, having lunch in a comfortable silence. Neither of them had said much since Spike’s confession, so when he finally spoke again, Buffy nearly jumped.

She nodded, not bothering to pretend she didn’t know what he meant. He had told her his story, and now he wanted to know about William. Buffy had promised to tell him, and she would. But that didn’t mean she looked forward to talking about it. She let out a sigh, quickly making a decision. “Before I tell you, I want you to do me a favor.” Spike gave her a questioning look, waiting for her to go on. He expected her to ask him to keep whatever she would tell him between the two of them, or something like that. He was wrong. Buffy took a deep breath, and looked him in the eyes. “Come back to the Magic Box with me.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “What? Why?”

“Because…” Buffy hesitated. “I know you wanna know about William’s death. But there is more than that, things that…” She paused for a moment. “For you to completely understand, you need to hear the whole story. And I’m not the only one who should be telling you, you should hear what the others have to say as well.” He opened his mouth to object, but she raised her hand to stop him. “Look, Spike, we both know you’re not gonna leave Sunnydale. Not because you don’t have anywhere else to go, or because it’s your destiny to be here. But because it’s the right thing to do.”

He shook his head in denial, and Buffy rolled her eyes. “You’re the Slayer, Spike. You can help people, save a lot of lives. Make a difference. Look me in the eyes, and tell me that doesn’t mean anything to you.” He did look at her, but didn’t say anything. Finally he looked away, and Buffy tried to suppress a pleased smile. “Spike, you can do this.”

Snorting, Spike looked up again. “Sure, yeah, I’ll fight the good fight until it kills me. Which, most likely, will be sooner rather than later. You’re forgetting something here, pet. I’m not like William; I’ve never been trained for this. I’ve never had a Watcher to tell me what to do. Send me out there, and I wouldn’t have a bloody clue what I’d be doing.”

“How do you kill a vampire?” Buffy looked at him, an expectant expression on her face.

Spike frowned. “I just told you, I don’t know anything about…”

“Yes, you do, you saw me slay one last night.” She crossed her arms over her chest, determined to be persistent as she repeated her question. “How do you kill a vampire?”

He rolled his eyes. “Stake it through the heart, or decapitate it.” He paused. “What about holy water, does that even exist?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, it does. But don’t rely on it, it won’t kill them. Although, it can still do some major damage, especially if you throw it at the vampire’s face. It’ll burn him, like acid.” She smiled a little. “See, you already know the important stuff, the rest will just come naturally. And, of course, you’re gonna need a lot of training before you’ll be ready to go out there for real, but that’s just…” A sudden thought hit her. “Hey, did anyone show you the training room over at the Magic Box?”

Spike shook his head in confusion. “The Magic Box has a training room?”

“I take that as a ‘no’, then.” Buffy looked excited. “Let’s go right now, I’ll show you.” Something occurred to her, and her smile widened. “Maybe we can spar together later, that would be great!”

“What?” Spike got a shocked look on his face. “I’m not gonna fight with you!”

“Why not?” Buffy smiled, sweetly. “Afraid you won’t be able to take me? Afraid to get your ass kicked by a girl, is that it?” She couldn’t help but giggle.

Spike mock glared at her for a moment. “You know, I think I would’ve liked you better back when you didn’t speak.” Her smile disappeared, and he could’ve just kicked himself. He’d already come to love Buffy’s smile, and would do anything to put it back on her face. “I’m really sorry, luv, I didn’t mean…”

“I know, it’s okay.” Her smile was back, although it was more than a little strained. “Let’s go, we don’t have all day.” He nodded, and followed Buffy towards the door without another word.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Thanks for shopping at the Magic Box; we’re happy to take your money. Now, please leave, and have a very nice day!” Anya smiled brightly at the customer she had been helping, before turning to Buffy and Spike, who had just entered the store. “Spike, you’re back! Good, Giles has been grumpy all day because of you. If you ask me, I think he really needs a girlfriend, that way she could give him an orgasm whenever he gets worked up. Like this morning, when Xander and I…”

“Anya!” Buffy interrupted her, cringing at the thought of ‘Giles’ and ‘orgasm’ in the same sentence. “We need to have a meeting, are the others still in the back?”

Anya looked a little upset for not being allowed to finish talking about her favorite subject besides money; sex. “Yes, you want me to be there as well?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, you think you can close the shop for an hour or so?”

“And lose money?!” Anya looked horrified, then calmed down a little. “You know what, that won’t be necessary.” She glanced quickly around the room, before calling out; “Dawn! Get out here, I need your help!”

The young girl Spike had met briefly the day before came running. “What’s up?” Then she noticed Spike, and blushed. “Hi, Spike, I didn’t know you were here.”

Anya rolled her eyes, and went on; “Dawn, I need you to watch the shop for a while, is that okay?” Dawn nodded eagerly, and Anya let out a relieved sigh. “Good, I owe you one. How ‘bout tonight after close-up, I’ll teach you my special money dance?”

Dawn nodded again, ignoring Buffy who desperately tried to stay serious. “Cool!”

“You work here?” Spike was surprised. “No offense, but, um… how old are you?”

The girl tossed her long, brown hair over her shoulder. “You think I’m just a little girl, don’t you?”

Spike chuckled, shaking his head to assure her. “Of course not, bit. I was just…”

“Because I’m way older than you.” Dawn crossed her arms over her chest, a stubborn look on her face. “In fact, I’m not a girl at all. I’m a thousand-year-old blob of green energy, also known as the Key. My blood opens doors to other dimensions, and some old monks made me human to protect me.” She paused, letting out a sigh. “Oh, and I’m also Xander’s sister. No, wait. He’s my brother.”

Spike opened his mouth, then closed it again, obviously at a loss for words. He glanced at Buffy and Anya, expecting them to laugh, but they didn’t. “Is… is she…?”

Buffy looked both amused and annoyed. “Thank you, Dawn.” Then she turned to Spike, giving him an apologetic look. “I told you there was more. Yes, Dawn’s the Key; I’ll explain more about that later.” She let out a tired sigh. “This is the Hellmouth, Spike. You’ll get used to it.” With that, she walked over to the door that led to the other room, leaving Spike to stare after her in bewilderment.


TBC

Giles removed his glasses, looking at Buffy like she had gone crazy. “Buffy, I really don’t think this is such a good idea…”

Buffy glared at him, her irritation obvious. “Spike has the right to know what happened. After all, he’s the Slayer now, he needs to understand…”

“I agree. But…” Giles pinched the bridge of his nose before putting his glasses back on. “Really, Buffy, this meeting is not necessary. I’ll be happy to fill Spike in on everything he needs to know. You don’t have to…”

“Oh, please!” Buffy rolled her eyes. “When are you gonna stop treating me like I’m on the edge of having a nervous breakdown? It’s been three years, Giles. I’m okay talking about it.”

“Buffy…” Willow gave her friend a small smile. “We’re your friends, we just…”

“God!” Buffy threw her hands up in frustration. “Willow, stop. I’m sick of you all walking around me like I’m made of glass. I know I didn’t exactly handle things very well before, but that was a long time ago, and I’ve moved on. I promise, I’m not gonna stop talking again, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” She paused. “You guys don’t even mention his name anymore.”

“That’s not true!” Xander shook his head in denial. “We just don’t wanna…”

“Upset me. Fine, I get that.” Buffy looked around the room, a pleading look on her face. “Please, guys? I promised Spike that we would tell him everything, I can’t do it alone.”

“Um, excuse me?” Anya raised her hand.

Buffy nodded towards her. “Anya?”

“When you say ‘everything’…” Anya glanced at the others before turning back to Buffy. “…do you mean… everything?”

Sighing, Buffy nodded again. “Yes, Anya. I mean everything. You wanna start?”

“Sure, but…” Anya suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. “Buffy, are you sure…?”

“Yes.” Buffy gave her a patient look, before she went on. “Anya, why don’t you tell Spike a little about yourself?”

Anya hesitated for a moment, then rolled her eyes. “Fine, what the hell. Okay, Spike, I’m an ex vengeance demon. I’m 1,120 years old, and used to go by the name Anyanka.”

Spike stared at her, eyes widening. “Um, okay…”

Anya went on; “I used to specialize on scorned women, who wanted revenge on their ex boyfriends. In fact, that’s how Xander and I met. You see, he used to date a cheerleader named Cordelia, and it ended badly. So, she made a wish that Xander’s penis would turn into a vagina. Of course, I…” She stopped when she realized that everybody was staring at her. “What?”

Giles cleared his throat. “Um, I don’t believe we have actually heard that part of the… um, the story before.”

Xander suddenly noticed that everyone’s eyes were on him. “Hey! I don’t have a… Oh God, somebody kill me!” He slumped back on the chair, beyond embarrassed.

“Oh, no!” Anya hurried to assure them. “I didn’t do it; Xander’s parts are all male, trust me.”

“And for that, I will always be deeply grateful. Now, let’s move on. Please?” Xander let out a nervous laugh. “Willow, Tara! Tell Spike about the wicca thing!”

Spike, who still had a hard time taking in the vengeance demon thing, now, turned to the two girls with a frown. “Wicca? You two are…?”

Tara blushed. “We-we practice and study magic. Spells and stuff. We’re not really witches, we just…”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Practice?” Tara nodded. “Right.” He then turned to Xander. “And you?”

Xander looked confused. “Me?”

“What are you?” Spike shrugged. “Demon? Warlock?”

“Carpenter.” Xander put on a goofy grin. “I build things. Oh, and my sister's a Key.”

“Uh huh. No super powers, then?” Xander shook his head, and Spike looked around the room. “You people do realize how crazy all of this sounds, right?” Buffy, Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara all looked at each other, before nodding. Spike let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God, otherwise I would’ve been worried.”

Buffy turned to Giles. “Tell him about the Cruciamentum.”

Giles inhaled, shakily. “Buffy, that is not relevant…”

She interrupted him. “I think it is, Giles.” Turning to Spike, Buffy took a deep breath before starting. “According to the Watcher’s Council, every Slayer needs to prove that he’s good enough to…”

“All right!” Giles gave her a firm look. “I will tell him.” He sighed. “Spike, you have to understand…” Then he hesitated. “This may sound both cruel and barbaric, but…” He swallowed. “Actually, that is exactly what it is. That is why I refused to go through with it. Unfortunately, it was too late.”

Spike looked at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“The Cruciamentum. It’s a… I suppose you could call it a test, that all Slayers have to endure, one year after they have been called.” Giles looked away, but not before Spike could see the pain in his eyes.

He crossed the arms over his chest. “I have a feeling it’s not a written test.”

“No.” Giles sighed. “The Slayer gets stripped of all his powers, and then has to fight a vicious vampire.”

Spike was confused. “How the bloody hell does a Slayer get stripped of his powers?”

Giles looked down at his hands. “Well, you see…”

“By his Watcher.” Buffy gave Giles an accusing look, then lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, go on.”

Giles opened his mouth to speak, but Spike beat him to it. “What?! Is that what happened? You…?”

“Listen to me!” Giles glared at him. “It’s complicated. You have to understand that I only did what has always been done. The Council…” He looked away again. “The Council have their rules, and when you work for them…” Then he looked up. “Anyway, I couldn’t go through with it, so I told William everything.”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah. After, you had stripped him of his powers. Right?” Giles closed his eyes, unable to go on, so Buffy took over; “Giles told his boss; Mr Travers, that the whole thing was off. But they couldn’t accept that. So…” She swallowed, looking at the others for help.

Willow spoke up, quietly. “Two of the Watchers - Blair and Hobson?” Xander and Tara nodded, and Willow went on; “…from the Council came to Sunnydale. They had us all followed for days, without us knowing about it. Then one night, William was alone in his apartment. And Buffy…”

“I was on my way home.” Buffy looked directly at Spike. “Then I heard something behind me. I thought it was a vampire, but it was one of the Watchers. When he realized that I’d noticed him, he tried to leave, but he wasn’t fast enough. I ran after him, and, um…”

“You totally kicked his ass!” Anya smiled, then became quiet, giving Buffy an apologetic look.

Buffy ignored her, and went on; “I got him to admit what was going on. They had brought a vampire with them to Sunnydale, drugged and locked up in a coffin. Then they had broken into William’s apartment when he was out, and left the coffin there. When he got home…”

“…he was greeted by a vampire.” Spike nodded in understanding. “And without his powers…”

“Without powers and a weapon, he never had a chance.” Buffy wiped away a tear, desperate to keep her emotions under control. “I ran as fast as I could, but…” She forced back a sob. The room was silent for a couple of minutes. Finally, Buffy let out a shaky breath, and wiped at her eyes. “Sorry, I…” She put on a brave smile. “I’m okay. Anyway, that’s what happened. So, now you know.”

Spike stared at her, suddenly not knowing what to say. “God, pet, I’m so sorry. That’s…” He stopped, realizing how lame it sounded. What could he possibly say in a situation like that? He had no idea.

“Thank you.” Buffy got up from the chair she was sitting in. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m just gonna go get some fresh air.” She headed for the door, and almost bumped into Dawn, who suddenly had appeared in the doorway.

“Um, I’m sorry to interrupt, but…” Dawn glanced over her shoulder. “We have a visitor. He says he’s here to see Spike.”

A dark-haired man in his early thirties, wearing glasses and what looked like a quite expensive suit, stepped past Dawn and looked around the room. “Which one of you is Spike Pratt?”

Spike got up, giving the newly arrived stranger a suspicious look. “Who wants to know?”

The man looked a little taken aback, then walked over to Spike. “So, it’s you, I assume. Pleased to meet you, Spike.” He reached out his hand in greeting, but let it fall when Spike did no attempt of taking it. “Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wesley Wyndam-Price, and I am your new Watcher.”


TBC

“My new… what?” Spike stared at Wesley in disbelief, then looked at the others, expecting one of them to have some explanation, but they all seemed to be just as puzzled as he was. Except for Giles, who didn’t look surprised at all.

“I’m sorry, Mr…?” Giles turned to Wesley, arms crossed over his chest and an annoyed expression on his face.

“Wyndam-Price.” Wesley paused. “And you are…?”

“My name is Rupert Giles. And if I may say…”

“Ah.” Wesley interrupted him. “I was told about you, Mr Giles, I’m terribly sorry for your loss.” Giles didn’t bother to comment. Wesley then turned to Spike. “The sun will set in about an hour. Before we will go out, I would like to observe your fighting skills. Is there some place we can…?”

“You can use the training room,” Anya piped up, helpfully, and pointed towards another door in the far way of the small room.

“Excellent!” Wesley gave Spike an expectant look, clearly expecting him to follow.

“Hold on, just one bloody moment!” Ignoring Wesley, Spike turned to Giles. “Wanker’s from the bleedin’ Council?”

“I, um…” Giles let out a sigh. “It appears so.” Then he turned to Wesley. “Mr Wyndam-Price, no offense, but…” He seemed to be searching for the right words. “I was going to train Spike myself; in fact, we were just about to discuss…”

Wesley interrupted him, looking surprised. “Mr Giles, from what I’ve heard, you were fired by the Watcher’s Council three years ago.”

“Fired?” Xander spoke up for the first time since Wesley had arrived, looking at Giles in confusion. “I thought you said you quit?”

“Yes, well…” Giles cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “You see… there were circumstances…” He stopped, glaring at Wesley. “I received a phone call from Quentin Travers last night; he did not inform me about your arrival.”

“Really?” Wesley got a smug look on his face, but tried to cover up. “Well, I suppose he did not find it necessary, since you no longer work for him. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” He turned back to Spike. “We have work to do.”

Spike snorted. “Not bloody likely!”

Before Wesley got the chance to say anything, Giles spoke up, removing his glasses and wiping them with a handkershief he pulled out from his pocket; “Spike, I’m afraid you don’t have much of a choice.” Seeing that Spike was about to object, he hurriedly went on. “You see, as the Slayer, you are bound to work with the Council…”

“Yeah?” Spike gave Wesley a look-over before turning back to his uncle. “And why is that? Oh, right, so that git can take away my powers and have me killed. Sorry, not interested.”

Giles opened his mouth to speak, but Wesley beat him to it. “I beg your pardon? What ever gave you the idea…?”

Buffy spoke up, interrupting him. “No need to play innocent, Wes. He already knows about the Cruciamentum.”

Wesley stared at her, exasperated, then turned to Giles. “Mr Giles, this is…! That information is strictly classified, you had no right…” He stopped. “Mr Travers will not be pleased when he hears about this.”

Giles rolled his eyes, and the others watched the scene between the two Watchers with wide eyes. Buffy was the only one who noticed Spike slipping into the training room. After only a brief moment’s hesitation, she glanced around the room before quietly following.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike looked around the training room, realizing that it was quite impressive. He walked over to the punching bag, hit it a few times before he glanced up and noticed Buffy watching him, an amused look on her face. “Working off some steam?” She paused. “Was it just me, or is the new Watcher a complete…?” Then she frowned, not able to come up with a suitable description, besides ‘moron’.

“Wanker? Git? Nancy-boy?” Spike suggested, helpfully. Buffy gave him a confused look, and he raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been living with Rupert for how long, pet? Should be used to it by now.”

Buffy shrugged, finding herself curious about the scar, marking his left brow. She wondered how he had gotten it. “I’ve never heard Giles use a word like ‘nancy-boy’.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Good point.” Then he turned serious. “You okay, luv?”

Again, Buffy was confused. “Me? Why shouldn’t I be?” Then she remembered what they had been talking about before Wesley had arrived. “Oh. Yeah, I’m fine.” He didn’t look totally convinced, but was obviously willing to let it go. For that, she was grateful. She decided to change the subject. “So, wanna spar?”

Spike looked surprised. “You were serious about that?” She just smiled, an expectant look on her face. He took a step closer, and their eyes met. For a moment, neither of them seemed to be able to look away. His voice was barely more than a whisper when he finally spoke. “Someone might get hurt.”

She swallowed, lost in the dept of his blue eyes, so much like William’s. “I’m willing to take my chances if you are.”

He just stared at her, not knowing what to think. Was she even aware of what her words were implying? The double messages she was giving him? Probably not. Still, he couldn’t help but hope, finding himself getting more and more intrigued by her by the minute. He knew he was already falling for her, deeply. But surely, she couldn’t feel the same? She probably still hadn’t gotten over William, and maybe she never would. Also, they had only known each other for a couple of days. But still, that look in her eyes… He took another step closer, reaching out a shaky hand towards her face. Buffy stared at his hand, like hypnotized.

Suddenly, a throat was being cleared in the doorway. Buffy jumped back, guiltily, and the moment was over. She mumbled an apology, then hurried past Giles and left the room. Spike was about to follow, when Giles stepped in his way. “Spike, we need to talk.” Spike sighed, expecting to get a lecture. However, his uncle’s next words weren’t what he had been expecting at all; “You need to go patrolling with Wesley tonight.”

Spike stared at him, then snorted. “Is that so? And why would I wanna do that?”

Giles sighed. “I don’t like this anymore than you do. However, you don’t have a choice, you must obey the Council.” Spike opened his mouth to protest, something that Giles realized he did a lot, so he raised his hand to stop him. “Spike, the Council is very powerful, and by no means follows the same laws we do. In fact, in these circles, they are the law. I don’t believe you realize what they are capable of.” Spike just looked at him, so he went on; “I was lucky, they just fired me. I may not be working for them anymore, but in a way, they still own me. Just as they now own you, as well.” Giles looked away for a moment. “I apologize; I wish I had been given the time to explain things more to you before Wesley showed up.”

“Yeah?” Spike glared at him, exasperated. “Me too! Then I would be far away from here by now. Bloody hell, Rupert, this is just…” He hesitated. “I wanna help, all right? Fight the good fight, and all. But I refuse to be anybody’s soddin’ property, especially the bleedin’ Council’s.”

“You have no choice.” Giles let out another tired sigh. “Don’t you see? If you will leave now, they will only come after you. You are the Slayer now, Spike. And it is time for you to start acting like one, whether you like it, or not.”


TBC

When Buffy returned to the Magic Box, almost two hours had passed and the small shop was quiet and seemingly empty. Although, it was most likely that Anya was still around, eagerly counting today’s profit. She suspected Giles and Spike to still be there somewhere as well, but the others had probably left a while ago. Thankfully, that also included Wesley. Buffy shuddered at the thought of another member of the Watcher’s Council, constantly being around, looking over their shoulders and reporting their every move back to Quentin Travers. They couldn’t let that happen again, Giles wouldn’t let it happen, Buffy thought.

She trusted Giles to keep them all safe, but yet, a small part of her had never forgiven him for his actions three years ago. Of course, she knew he was still suffering from the loss of his son, and would probably blame himself for the rest of his life, wishing he had acted differently. And Giles had been the one to pull her out of the miserable state she had been in for almost a year after William’s death; he had taken her in and taken care of her, been there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. Buffy also knew that Giles couldn’t have loved her more had she been his own daughter. But still, deep inside, she was constantly reminded of his part of the ‘accident’. And she knew that Giles was, as well.

Now she found herself hoping that Spike was still around; a realization that surprised her. But she hadn’t been able to get the bleached blonde out of her mind since she had left the training room earlier. She had been both disappointed and relieved when Giles had walked in on them. Disappointed, because she’d enjoyed being around Spike, and she definitely wanted to get to know him better. And relieved, because she had discovered that he brought out these feelings and emotions from her that she had been convinced she would never feel again. And that frightened her, more than she was ready to admit.

She hadn’t known Spike for long, and already she felt a connection between them, like they had known each other in another lifetime. She supposed it could have something to do with the fact that he was William’s cousin; she could look into Spike’s eyes, and for a brief moment almost fool herself into thinking that she was looking at William. But there was more than that. She was intrigued by the man behind those blue eyes, interested to learn all about his life story, getting to know him as Spike Pratt, not as William’s cousin.

For the last three years, Buffy had refused to even look at another man, feeling that if she did, she would betray William’s memory. But now she was starting to wonder if, maybe, it was time to finally let go of the past, and move on. William wouldn’t have wanted her to go through the rest of her life alone and miserable, of that she was certain. But still, she didn’t know if she dared to take another chance at love, to risk having her heart broken again. She had lost the man she loved once, if that would happen again, she didn’t think she would survive. She could never go through so much pain again.

“Buffy? Are you all right, dear?”

Buffy jumped at the sound of Giles’ voice behind her, snapping her out of her thoughts. “Hey, Giles.” She gave him a small smile. “I’m fine. I just needed to get out of here for a while, you know?” He nodded, and she went on; “So, everybody left for the night?”

“Um, well, Anya is still in the back, counting money if I’m not mistaken.”

Buffy couldn’t help but giggle; Anya was just so predictable. She tried to sound casual when she asked her next question; “What about Spike, is he still here?” Then she cringed at the eager note in her voice, hoping that Giles wouldn’t notice.

Giles suddenly seemed to be very interested in something on the floor. “He left a while ago.”

“Left?” Buffy was confused. “You mean he went back to the house?”

“No, he, um…” Giles still didn’t meet her eyes. “He went out, um… patrolling.” Buffy opened her mouth to speak, and he hurried to explain; “Not alone, of course, he went with Wesley.”

“He what?” Buffy stared at him in shock. “How could you send him out there with someone from the Council? That’s crazy, what the hell were you thinking?! Spike doesn’t even know…”

“Actually…” Giles finally looked up, a determined expression on his face. “Spike may not have the experience with vampires you and I have, but I assure you, he knows quite a bit when it comes to fighting.” Seeing that she was about to object, he hurriedly went on; “Wesley and I observed him in the training room for almost an hour before they left, we were both quite impressed by his skills.” He paused. “Believe me, Buffy, I would not have sent Spike out there if I didn’t think he could handle it.”

Buffy wasn’t convinced. “Sure, he can fight. But has he even held a stake before?”

Giles sighed. “Buffy, Spike is the Slayer. He will have to learn to slay vampires the hard way. This is how it has always been done. When I first started training William, I did the exact same thing; took him out there so he would see for himself what it was like. You don’t learn to fight vampires in a training room, Buffy, you do it out in the real world. That is how William learned to slay.”

“And see what happened to him!” Buffy regretted her words immediately, but it was too late to take them back.

Giles got a cold look on his face, but she could also see the pain in his eyes. “That was not fair, Buffy. I do realize you still hold me partly responsible for William’s death, but…”

“Giles, I’m sorry.” Buffy swallowed, desperately trying to hold back tears. “I didn’t mean…”

He interrupted her. “Yes, you did. And that is all right. I blame myself for what happened, every day. But you have to understand, I was only doing my job. As long as there is evil in the world, there will be a Slayer. And the Slayer has to fight that evil for as long as he can, because otherwise, the world as we know it would be doomed. William knew that. And Spike will have to accept that as well. This is his destiny. I can’t change that, anymore than I could change William’s destiny.”

Buffy angrily wiped away a tear. “I refuse to accept that William was destined to die before he was twenty. It’s not fair, Giles!”

“Maybe not.” Giles sighed. “But it is a fact. Do you think I want this? Do you think I enjoy the idea of possibly losing another part of my family to the same fate? If I was to decide, neither William nor Spike would have to go through this.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Bloody hell, Buffy, if I was to decide, there would be no evil in the world. But sadly, that is not the case.”

“I know,” Buffy whispered, quietly. Giles was right, and she hated it. She hated the unfairness of it all; she felt so helpless. And she knew Giles felt the same way. But she couldn’t let the same thing that happened to William happen to Spike. She took a deep breath. “When did they leave?”

Giles looked a little surprised, then gave her a firm expression. “Spike will have to learn to handle this, alone. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Buffy gave him a pleading look. “I promise, I’m not gonna get in his way. Just please, tell me…”

He let out a defeated sigh, and glanced at his watch. “They left about an hour ago, heading to Restfield Cemetery.”

She gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Giles.” With that, she turned around and left the store.


TBC

Spike slowly approached the growling vampire, stake in a tight grip. He casted a brief glance over his shoulder, and wasn’t surprised when he realized that Wesley was nowhere to be seen. Shaking his head in disgust, he turned his attention back to the vampire in front of him. Right, stake him through the heart, how hard could it be? The snarling creature had yet to attack, and Spike took a deep breath, deciding not to give him an opportunity. He shut out his leg and kicked the vampire hard in the chest, sending him flying a few feet and hit a tree, ending up sprawling flat on his back. Before he got the chance to get up, Spike delivered a few more kicks to the fallen vampire before finally penetrating his chest with the stake, praying that he wouldn’t miss the heart.

Luckily, just like the vampire he had watched Buffy kill the other night, this one disappeared into a cloud of dust. Spike got up and brushed the dust off his hands, feeling quite pleased with himself. He had just killed… no, slayed, his first vampire, all by himself. Just like when he used to fight all those bullies back in London, fighting the vampire had given him a powerful rush, and he had enjoyed every minute of it. Only difference was, now, afterwords, there was no shame or guilt. Instead, he actually felt like he had done something good for a change. That was a whole new feeling, and it felt very good.

“All right… Three minutes and twenty seven seconds. You should be able to take it out faster next time, I hope. Aside from that, you did okay.” Wesley appeared behind him, causing Spike to roll his eyes. The Watcher had followed him all night, constantly lecturing him, but as soon as the vampire had shown up, he had run for cover. Now he was back like nothing happened, having the nerve to complain. Spike gritted his teeth, determined not to let the other English man get to him. He had only known Wesley for a couple of hours, and already knew that he couldn’t stand him. Unfortunately, he was stuck with the wanker.

“Let’s move on, we have not got all night.” Wesley glanced around to make sure it was safe to leave before he went on; “Now, I would like to see how you will handle facing a group of several vampires at once.” He paused, and glanced around again, nervously. “After you.”

Again, Spike rolled his eyes. How the bloody hell could that nancy-boy have gotten the job as a Watcher? He was just about to come up with some sarcastic comment; which most likely would get him into trouble with Giles later, when he felt a slight tingling in the back of his neck. He had felt it before, just when the vampire had approached him, so he quickly glanced around, expecting to see another one. But all he could see was the empty cemetery. He frowned. That was weird; he’d been so sure he would see another vampire lurking about. Although, he supposed he couldn’t really rely on his Slayer instincts just yet. This was all still kind of new to him.

“Did you hear a word I just said? What are you waiting for?” Wesley sounded annoyed, and a bit nervous, probably eager to get going. Spike shrugged, and started towards the far end of the cemetery, not waiting to see if Wesley would be able to catch up. Then he spotted a couple of vampires, hanging just outside a large mausoleum, and couldn’t help but smirk. This would be fun! He turned around and motioned for Wesley to stand back, not so much for the other man’s safety as for making sure he wouldn’t screw things up by getting in his way. Then he quietly approached the mausoleum, looking forward to kick some undead ass. But still, he couldn’t quite shake off the feeling of being followed.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy was hiding behind some trees, enjoying the sight in front of her. She suddenly got a strange feeling of déjà vu, and remembered the first time she had watched William in a fight. But something about the way Spike was fighting seemed different, and it didn’t take long before she realized what it was. William had been a great fighter, and watching him had been amazing. But it had always been obvious that he had hated what he was doing. William had fought vampires and demons because it was the right thing to do, but also because he didn’t really have a choice.

Spike may have been reluctant at first, but now, Buffy only had to take one brief look at him to know that he enjoyed it. In fact, watching Spike fight made her feel like she was watching some kind of erotic dance, and the feeling made her incredibly hot. She blushed then, realizing that she had never been this turned on by watching William fight. That made her a little sad, but at the same time excited. Suddenly, all she could think about was how it would be like to spar with Spike, and made a silent promise to herself that one of these days, she would make it happen, whether he liked it or not. Although, she had a feeling that he wouldn’t be too hard to convince, judging by the way he was always looking at her when he thought she wouldn’t notice.

Suddenly, she got the feeling that someone was standing right behind her, and spun around. There was no one there. She couldn’t help but shudder, realizing that anyone, or anything could’ve easily sneaked up on her when she wasn’t paying attention. This wouldn’t do! She shook her head as if to clear it, and decided to head back to the house. It was obvious that Spike wouldn’t need her help here, anyway. He was clearly more than capable of taking care of himself. With that thought in mind, she hurriedly left the cemetery, looking over her shoulder every once in a while to make sure no one was following her.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The vampire quickly hid behind a large tomb stone as the Slayer’s little friend turned around, not wanting to be spotted. At least not yet. This was even more fun than expected; the Slayer would never know what hit him. But it wasn’t time for them to meet yet; the Slayer wasn’t ready. But it was only a matter of time, and the vampire had all the time in the world. And when they finally would stand face to face, there would be a party!


TBC

When Buffy entered The Magic Box the following morning, Spike was already there, putting various objects on the shelves and looking incredibly bored. She had to suppress a giggle as she walked over to him. “Hi.”

He looked up and Buffy was pleased to notice that he seemed genuinely happy to see her. “Morning, pet. Didn’t see you when I got back last night. Guess you’d already gone to bed.”

Buffy blushed. “Um, yeah, I was really tired. Went to bed early and fell asleep right away.” Actually, she hadn’t been able to go to sleep until she had heard him return to the house, but he didn’t need to know that. She glanced around the room, suddenly realizing that the two of them were the only people there. “No Wes?” Spike snorted, muttering something she couldn’t quite make out. She raised a brow. “Don’t like him much, huh?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Bloody nancy-boy. Don’t see why I have to put up with him.”

“Well…” Buffy decided to choose her words carefully. “He is your Watcher.”

Staring at her in disbelief, Spike dropped one of the books he was stacking. It fell to the floor with a thump. “He’s also a member of the Council of bleedin’ wankers. I can’t believe you of all people would defend them after everything they’ve done.”

“I’m not!” Buffy gave him a firm look. “But…” She hesitated. “You know what? Forget it. You’re right; Wesley’s a jerk. Can we talk about something else? Just thinking about him gives me a headache.”

He chuckled and gave her a questioning look. “All right, pet. Have something special in mind?”

She shrugged, putting on an innocent expression. “No. I was just… wondering how the patrolling went last night.”

“Went alright, s’pose.” He shrugged in an attempt of acting casual. “Took out a few vamps, was nothing really.”

Buffy snorted. “Right. How many?”

He stared at her, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t know. Not like I was counting.” She just looked at him, an expectant expression on her face, and he rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell, fine! Eight. Happy?”

She giggled. “Knew you’d be counting. So, how did it make you feel?”

He seemed to be thinking about it for a moment. “Strong. Powerful. Almost…” He hesitated, searching for the right word to describe the rush he had felt when he had shoved the stake through the vampire’s heart.

“High? Like you’re on drugs or something? Like you’re at the top of the world?”

He looked at her in confusion. “Yeah! How did you…?”

She gave him a sad smile. “William used to say the same thing.”

Spike nodded in understanding, for some reason feeling disappointed. Would they ever be able to have a conversation without her bringing her lover up and comparing the two of them? He felt bad as soon as he had finished that thought, knowing how much Buffy had loved his cousin. But was he really such a bad person for wishing that she would, just once, look at him and see him for who he really was, not just for who he was related to? He couldn’t fool himself anymore; he was in love with Buffy. It didn’t matter that he hardly knew her, or that she couldn’t possibly ever feel the same way about him. He had gotten used to the idea of never being loved by now. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

“Spike? Are you okay?” Buffy gave him a questioning look, having noticed how quiet he had suddenly become, and wondered what was going through his mind. She also wondered how he would react if she would simply lean over and kiss him, and froze. Whoa! Where did that come from? Of course, deep down she knew that it wasn’t the first time she’d had those thoughts, but stubbornly tried to ignore the little voice in her head that kept telling her to let Spike know how she felt. How could she do that, when she didn’t understand those feelings herself?

He seemed to snap out of his thoughts, and gave her an assuring smile. “Sure, pet, m’fine.” She didn’t look all convinced, but was obviously willing to let it go. An idea suddenly came to him, and he had blurted it out before he could think it through; “So, um, wanna spar?” Buffy’s eyes widened; obviously he had taken her by surprise. She didn’t answer at first, and he was just about to take it back, when he noticed the look in her eyes. That wasn’t a look of repulsion, it was a look of… interest? And why not, he thought. After all, she had suggested the very same thing the other day. Maybe it was time to take her up on it.

She smiled a little. “Okay.” Then she couldn’t help but add, a teasing note in her voice; “If you think you can take me.”

“Oh, I’ll take you, all right…” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he silently cursed himself, certain that he had managed to scare her away. Buffy looked surprised for a moment, then the smile was back on her face, and he let out the breath he had been holding. She mumbled something that sounded like ‘we’ll see about that’, and took off towards the training room.

He stared after her, suddenly painfully aware of what she was wearing. A tight, dark red halter neck top, and a black skirt that reached barely over her knees and showed a lot of her soft, tanned skin. Had his jeans always been this uncomfortable? And wasn’t it suddenly very hot in the store? Spike took a deep breath, silently longing for a cold shower. How the bloody hell would he be able to fight her like that? He got a strange feeling that this had been her plan all along, even if he had been the one to make the suggestion. Was she deliberately trying to torture him? Or… He had been so certain that he would never have a chance with her. Was it possible that maybe, just maybe, he had been wrong?


TBC

“You enjoyed it.” It was more a statement than a question, and Spike gave Buffy a confused look. She went on, explaining; “The slaying. You enjoyed it. Admit it.”

So far they were only circling each other, and Spike waited for her to take the next step. He had never sparred with anyone before; whenever he fought it was to cause damage, and he didn’t want to hurt Buffy. He was curious, though. She seemed to know what she was doing and he couldn’t wait to see her in action again. The realization that she had probably done this a thousand times before with William hit him, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He refused to admit, even to himself, that he was jealous of his dead cousin.

He shrugged. “Maybe. What’s that got to do with anything?”

She smiled a little, then feigned a punch at his face, which he easily blocked. “You were reluctant at first. But now the idea of being a hero doesn’t seem so bad, does it?”

Frowning, he kept circling her, then cocked his head to the side. “What, you’re my shrink now?”

Buffy shook her head. “No. I just…” He managed to take her off guard when his leg suddenly shot out and swept her feet away, causing her to drop flat on her back on the floor.

He raised a brow. “Really, luv. Thought you’d be a lot more difficult to take down.”

She let out a grumble, about to jump back up on her feet and let him know just how ‘easy’ she would be to take down when she didn’t hold back, but he was too fast, straddling her so she wasn’t able to get up. Suddenly she was all too aware of his lean, muscular body, merely inches away from her, and inhaled shakily. He was so close; all she had to do was…

Spike suddenly pulled back a little, giving her a concerned look. “You okay, pet?” She just nodded, and he got aware of the intimacy of the position they were in. What had he been thinking, straddling her like that?! There was no way he could get up now without her noticing his hardening erection. And how would she react to that? She would probably freak out, maybe punch him in the face and then she would leave. He felt how she suddenly froze and let out a small gasp, and realized that it was already too late. He braced himself for the outburst he knew would be coming.

Buffy’s eyes widened when she felt something hard against her leg, something that definitely hadn’t been there a moment ago. She looked at Spike, a questioning expression on her face, and was taken aback when she saw the fear in his eyes. It was obvious that he wanted her, but what was he so afraid of? Then she realized that he waited for her to react, most likely with rejection. That made her want to assure him, somehow, that right now she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. But it was like, suddenly, her mouth was unable to form any words. Instead, she reached out a shaky hand and let her fingers gently run over his scarred brow.

He got a surprised look on his face, obviously not what he had expected her to do. “Buffy…”

“How did you get it?” He could hear by the sound of her voice that she really wanted to know, he just couldn’t understand why. He started to pull back again, but she stopped him by placing both of her hands on his shoulders.

“From my cell mate.” He had long since pushed the memory of the fear at the sight of the knife, and the sharp pain that followed, to the far back of his mind. But the scar remained, like a constant reminder.

“Why?” Buffy stared at him, her voice trembling.

He let out a sigh. “Don’t need a reason in jail, luv. Guess he just didn’t like me.”

He tried to shrug it away, but she wouldn’t let him. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment, then looked her in the eyes. “Buffy, listen…”

“You wanna kiss me?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and for a moment he wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly. Then he could feel how tensed she had suddenly become, and realized that now she was the one who was afraid of rejection. How was that possible? Didn’t she know how much he wanted her, couldn’t she hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes? Never would he have dared to hope that she would feel the same way. But now, here she was, wondering if he wanted to kiss her. He knew his voice would fail him if he tried to speak, so he just nodded. The relief in her eyes spoke volumes, and she gave him a shaky smile.

When their lips finally met, it was like everything that had happened, from the moment they first laid eyes on each other, had been leading up to this very moment. And when she opened her mouth, only slightly, and allowed their tongues to meet, to slowly explore each other, Spike was certain he had somehow died and ended up in heaven. His arms slid around her, gently tugging her closer, and she willingly leaned into his embrace. He had to suppress a moan as he managed to whisper her name. “God, Buffy…”

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, hungrily giving in to the kiss, and let out a whimper. “Ooh, this is…” He captured her lips again, stopping her from finishing whatever she was going to say, and her fingers came to run softly through his hair, gently playing with the blonde curls at the back of his neck. Words couldn’t describe how she felt, and suddenly, nothing existed but the two of them.

“Buffy…” Spike breathed heavily into her mouth, arms clinging to her, feeling like if he would let her go for only a second, he would die.

“Mmm…” Buffy let out a moan, wanting to beg him to never stop kissing her, feeling like if he did, only for a brief moment, it would kill her. She couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before, it felt new, but at the same time so familiar, like she was seventeen again and kissing… “God, don’t stop… don’t… mmm… William!”


TBC

Spike froze and pulled back, abruptly. Buffy’s eyes widened when she realized what had just slipped out of her mouth. Panicking, she reached out for him, desperate to keep him from leaving, but it was too late. “Spike… wait, I’m… I don’t know why I said…” Her head was spinning, and she jumped to her feet, carefully taking a step towards him, but he backed away. She swallowed. “Spike, please…”

“Think I’ve better go.” His voice was strained, and he kept his eyes on the floor.

“Spike, no, please stay. I can explain, just don’t go!” Buffy was practically begging now, she was aware of that, but she didn’t care.

He finally looked at her, and his eyes were cold. “Why? Clearly I’m not the one you want to be with, don’t know what I was thinking. I thought…” He paused, not sure of what he wanted to say.

Buffy desperately tried to keep the tears from falling. “But I do want…” She forced back a sob. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” Spike grabbed his duster, which he had thrown on a chair. “Don’t know why I thought I could ever compete with the dead.” He turned around to leave, but Buffy rushed after him, grabbing his arm to keep him from going.

“That’s not fair!” She was crying now, but Spike refused to look at her, knowing that if he saw her tears he would give in. “Please, can’t we just talk about this? Just hear me out, and I promise…”

“Buffy…” He let out a sigh, feeling a headache coming up. “If you’ve ever cared about me at all…”

“I do! Spike, I…”

He went on, ignoring her interruption. “…then you’ll let me go.”

She became silent, and he knew she had given up. For a moment, he didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed. Then she let go of his arm, and there was nothing keeping him there anymore. Without another word, he slipped out through the door, not looking back once.

Buffy remained standing in the middle of the training room, staring at the spot on the floor where he had been standing. This was not happening! For the first time in years, she had actually been happy, and then she had managed to ruin everything, just because she couldn’t let go of the past. Maybe she just wasn’t meant to be happy ever again. With that depressing thought in mind, she dropped to her knees, burying her face in her hands and let the tears fall.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike was just about to leave the Magic Box when he heard a voice behind him. “Where do you think you’re going? You’re in big trouble!”

He stopped with a sigh, and turned around to face Anya. “What are you on about?”

Anya glared at him. “You were supposed to open the shop, and then you just left it unguarded! What were you thinking?!”

Taking a deep breath, Spike silently counted to ten before answering. “I was just in the training room. Not like anyone was here, anyway.”

“That’s not the point!” Anya was very upset. “What if a customer had shown up, wanting to buy things? Or someone could’ve just come in here and… Oh my God, my money!” She rushed over to the cash register, desperate to see if anything was missing. The little bell over the door rang, and Giles and Xander entered the shop.

Spike rolled his eyes. “That’s all you bloody care about, isn’t it? Your soddin’ money.”

“Hey!” Xander walked up to them, looking from his fiancée to Spike. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Spike closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he had left the training room sooner, so he wouldn’t have to put up with this. “I’m out of here.”

“Hold on.” Wesley had just appeared from the room in the back. “We have a lot of work to do today, and I suggest we start right away.” He paused for a moment before he went on. “You did quite well last night, but you still have a lot to learn. I brought some old texts you need to read, and then we should…”

“No.” Spike shook his head, determined to get away from the store before Buffy would come out from the training room.

Wesley stared at him, obviously taken aback. “I beg your pardon?”

“I said no.” Spike gave him a firm look, refusing to give in to the git. “Actually, I don’t feel so good; I’m going back to the house.”

Anya gave him a look-over, frowning. “You look all right to me.” Spike glared at her, and she became quiet.

“Spike…” Giles removed his glasses with a sigh. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are the Slayer. You have an obligation to…” Seeing that Spike was about to interrupt, he held up his hand to stop him. “I’m sorry, but you will have to stay here and work with Wesley.”

“Yeah?” Spike crossed his arms over his chest. “Then I quit.”

“Quit?” Xander stared at him in disbelief. “You can’t quit! Didn’t Giles explain to you that…?”

“Xander, please…” Giles put his glasses back on and turned back to Spike. “I know being the Slayer is not something you wish for yourself, but like I said before; you don’t have a choice. I am sorry, but that is just the way it is and you will have to accept that.” He paused. “I do understand how you feel, William felt the same way. But…”

“I’m not William!” Spike gave his uncle a cold look, suddenly hearing Buffy’s words all over again. He had been more hurt then he ever wanted to admit, but refused to let his emotions show.

Giles got a surprised look on his face. “I am perfectly aware of that, but you have to admit, you do have a lot in common. Both of you being the Slayer, for one thing. And if you ask me…”

“I didn’t ask you!” Spike looked around the room, aware of that everyone was staring at him. “In fact, I didn’t ask for any of this. And you…” He glared at the four people in the store, daring any of them to speak. “That’s all I am to you; the bleedin’ Slayer. The only reason I’m even here is to protect your sorry asses. Am I right?” Nobody said anything. Xander opened his mouth, then closed it again, remaining silent. Spike nodded. “That’s what I thought. You know what?” He paused. “I’ve had it. You’re on your own.” He removed the name tag from his shirt and let it drop to the floor, then turned around and left the store, leaving the others to stare after him in shock.


TBC

Spike had just finished throwing his clothes and the rest of his belongings down in the suitcase when he heard a noise behind him, and spun around. Buffy was standing in the doorway, and he wondered how long she had been there. He gave her a questioning look, and she tried to smile, although it came out more like a grimace. “You’re leaving?”

He sighed, seeing how she tried to fight back the tears, and suddenly felt guilty for some reason. That made him annoyed, he didn’t want to care about how she felt. But, of course, he did. He shrugged. “Don’t feel like staying here.”

“Are you…?” She swallowed before she went on. “Are you going back to London?”

He was just about to ask why she cared, but decided against it. Instead he shook his head. “Would like nothing more than to get the hell out of this town, but apparently that’s not up to me to decide.” He gave her a cold look. “You know, s'my fucking destiny.”

Buffy took a step into the room, then hesitated. “They can’t force you to do anything against your will. If you really wanna leave…” She left the rest of the sentence hanging, then lowered her eyes to the floor.

“How could I?” He closed the suitcase and slumped down on the bed. “How could I leave when I know what’s going on here? Knowing that if I do, people could die?” He let out a miserable sigh.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

He looked up with a frown. “Why? Hardly your fault this town’s on top of a bloody hellmouth.”

Buffy fought the urge to roll her eyes, and slowly walked over to the bed. “No, I meant…” She didn’t dare looking at him. “I’m sorry for what happened back at the Magic Box.”

“Oh.” He really didn’t want to talk about that. “Forget it.”

“But I don’t wanna forget it.” She let out a shaky breath. “Spike, if you’re gonna leave, can’t you at least please listen to what I have to say?”

He didn’t want to hear her pathetic apologies, he really didn’t, but one look at her tear-filled eyes made at least some of his anger melt away. Damn, he was weak! A part of him hated himself for it, another part was grateful she had shown up at all. Because the thought of not seeing Buffy again was more painful than he wanted to admit, no matter how much she had hurt him. What the hell… He sighed again. “Fine. I’m listening.”

She looked surprised, like she had expected him to reject her pleadings, but quickly covered up. “Okay. I…” She hesitated, clearly not knowing how to begin. “William is the only guy I have ever loved, in my entire life.” The look he gave her told her that it was the last thing he wanted to hear, but she hurriedly went on. “Just hear me out, okay?” She paused for a moment, and he nodded, much to her relief. “However, he is gone. A part of me has known, for years now that I need to move on. But it’s hard. Sometimes I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love someone else.”

Spike felt a pang in his chest at her words, although it was like he had suspected; Buffy was not over William, and probably never would be. His voice was strained when he spoke. “I understand.”

“Truth is…” Buffy went on; “I’ve never even wanted to move on.” She held her breath for a moment, then let it out. “Before I met you.”

He just stared at her, and to say that he was shocked was a huge understatement. “I… what?!”

Buffy finally sat down on the bed, but kept her eyes on the floor. “I feel something when I’m around you. I’m not sure what it is, but it feels…” She hesitated. “…good.” She still didn’t dare meeting his eyes, and he didn’t say anything, so she went on; “I haven’t felt like this for a very long time, and I’m…” She swallowed. “…really confused.”

“Buffy…” Spike finally snapped out of the shock, and gently put his hand on top of hers. “Look at me, pet?”

She obeyed. “Spike, back when we…” Buffy paused. “When I said… I didn’t wish you were him, really, I didn't. I just… for a moment I felt, I don’t know. Like I felt when I was with him.” She looked away again. “I felt… safe. Loved.”

Spike took a deep breath, struggling to get his emotions under control. “Buffy, I…” He stopped for a moment, and it was his turn to look away. “Think I do love you. Have for a while now. But…”

He could hear her inhale, shakily. “But what?”

The fear in her voice was obvious, and he knew that if he looked her in the eyes, he would see it there as well. He really didn’t want to say it. But he had to. “But you’re obviously not over William.”

She let out the breath she had been holding, feeling tears welling up again. “I know. But, believe me, I want to.”

He sighed. “I do believe you. But…”

“But it’s not enough, is it?” He shook his head and she gave him a sad smile. “That’s okay.” Spike frowned, and she hurried to explain; “You are staying in Sunnydale, aren’t you?” He nodded, and she let out a sigh of relief. “Then I’ll just have to prove it to you. That I meant what I just said. That I want to move on, with you.”

“Buffy…” A part of him was thrilled; another part was terrified of getting hurt again. “I don’t know if… I think I…”

“You need time.” Buffy nodded in understanding. “So do I. But we have time, right? I mean, you’re not leaving?”

“I’m not staying here.” Spike looked around the room. “Need to find a place of my own.”

Buffy nodded again. “Will you let me know where you’ll be staying?”

She sounded so uncertain, and for the first time since she had arrived, he actually smiled a little. “Sure.”

The relief on her face was obvious. “Good.” She paused. “Are we okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, pet. We’re okay.”


TBC

“I’m thinking of getting a job.” Buffy glanced at Giles, expecting some kind of reaction, but the Watcher just kept his eyes on his papers. “And maybe an apartment,” she added, rolling her eyes when she realized that he obviously wasn’t listening.

“That’s nice, Buffy.” Giles put the papers down and opened a large book. Then he looked up with a frown. “Hold on. What was that?”

She gave him a patient look. “I can see you’re busy, I’ll just get out of your way.”

“No. Buffy, I’m sorry, dear.” Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t mean to be rude; it’s just that something has come up.” He paused for a moment. “Rumors going around town that an old and very powerful vampire has been spotted here in Sunnydale. Normally I don’t listen to gossip, but then I read this in the book of ancient prophesies.” He handed her the book.

Buffy read the paragraph on top of the page, then gave Giles a worried, yet hopeful look. “It could just be a coincidence.”

“Yes, maybe, but we can’t afford to take any chances.” Giles reached for the cordless phone on the table and dialed a number. He waited, patiently, for almost a minute, then gave up with a sigh. “I have been trying to reach Spike for days without getting hold of him, I’m deeply concerned. I’m afraid he has left town, and that would be a disaster, especially now.”

Buffy looked down at her hands, not wanting to meet Giles’ eyes. “He’s still in Sunnydale.”

Giles gave her a surprised look, then nodded in understanding. “Where is he?”

She finally looked up. “I don’t know.”

“Buffy…” Giles reached for the book and closed it. “You do understand…” He hesitated for a moment. “I realize that the two of you were starting to get close, but…”

Buffy almost laughed. Yeah, she thought, we were close, all right. We were almost doing it in the training room, then I accidentally called him William and ruined everything. Truth was, Buffy was deeply disappointed. She had been both relieved and happy after their talk just before Spike had moved out; certain that they still had a chance after all. Then she had given him her number, asking him to call her and let her know where he would be staying. That was three days ago, and she still hadn’t heard a word. She hadn’t seen him around town either, and he hadn’t been over at the Magic Box. It was like he had just disappeared from the face of the earth, and she was starting to fear that he had changed his mind, that they weren’t okay after all and that he was simply avoiding her.

Now she looked at Giles, feeling tears burning behind her eyes and wondered why she – when she hadn’t been able to cry at all for years – now seemed to bawl constantly. “Giles, I don’t know where he is, honestly. He just said he would stay in town. I’m sure he will contact us when he’s ready.”

Giles didn’t seem pleased, but nodded, obviously deciding to let it go for now. Then he seemed to remember what Buffy had said earlier. “What was that about getting a job? You want to work part time at the Magic Box? Since Spike quit, we could sure use some help over there, I am sure Anya would…”

“Giles…” Buffy interrupted him. “I don’t wanna work there. No offense, but…” She hesitated. “Look, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me over the years, but I think I need to do this on my own, without any help.” She looked him in the eyes, a firm expression on her face. “I need to move on, Giles.”

“I see.” Giles gave her a thoughtful look. “I’m not saying I don’t agree, but would you mind telling me what brought this on?”

“Well…” Buffy shrugged, suddenly a little embarrassed. “I sort of met someone, and…”

“Buffy, that is wonderful!” Giles interrupted her, his concerned expression turning into a soft smile. “There is nothing I want more than for you to find some happiness again. May I ask who…?” He stopped, and his smile disappeared. “Oh dear Lord… Spike?”

Buffy frowned at his sudden change of reaction, but managed a hopeful smile. “I know this must come as a surprise to you, but I really like him. The things I feel when I’m around him…”

“Buffy…” Giles raised his hand to stop her. “I’m sorry, but I believe you are making a terrible mistake.”

“Excuse me?!” Buffy stared at him in shock. “You were happy for me minutes ago, and now…”

“That was before…” Giles sighed. “Buffy, I do want you to be happy. But Spike is not the right man for you.”

“You don’t know that!” She glared at him for a moment, then swallowed. “He thought you were looking down at him because of his past. I told him he was wrong. I guess he wasn’t.”

“That is not true!” Giles forced himself to calm down. “Do you love him?”

Buffy thought about it for a moment. “I think I might be able to.”

“Then I cannot allow it.” Giles went on before she could object. “Don’t you see? I watched you go through this once, I simply can’t bear to see you in that much pain again.” She opened her mouth, but he beat her to it. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but just like William, Spike is the Slayer. They are bound to die young.”

“And you what? Just accept that?” Buffy jumped to her feet, a furious look on her face. “God, Giles, he’s your family! How can you just sit there and tell me that he’s gonna die?! Don’t you care at all?!”

Giles got up as well. “I am telling you this because it is the truth! I’m sorry, but I can’t let you get too attached to him.” He took a deep breath. “I do care, Buffy, more than you think.”

“Yeah? You sure as hell don’t act like it.” She paused. “You have his phone number. I want it.”

Giles looked taken aback, then shook his head. “If he wishes to contact you, he will. You said so yourself.”

Buffy was quiet for a moment, then realized that he was not going to help her, and nodded in sad acceptance. “Fine.” She grabbed her jacket and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Giles took a step after her. “Buffy, I’m sorry, but you need to understand what I am trying to tell you. You need to learn…”

“You know what?” She stopped by the door, then turned around to look at him. “You have done so much for me, Giles. Maybe even saved my life. But…” Buffy looked him straight in the eyes. “It’s my life, and I need to be allowed to make my own decisions.” She paused. “I think you’ve taught me everything I need to know.” With that she left the house, closing the door quietly behind her.


TBC

Spike was sitting in the bar at the local night club; The Bronze, debating with himself whether or not he should order a second beer before going out on patrol. Suddenly he felt a presence behind him and looked over his shoulder. He was surprised to see Buffy, and couldn’t help but feeling a little guilty at the mixed expression of relief and happiness on her face, realizing that he hadn’t seen her in days.

Not that he hadn’t wanted to, hell; he had almost called her a dozen times, only to chicken out every time. Truth was, he was terrified of finding out that she had changed her mind for some reason, that she had come to the conclusion that she wasn’t ready to move on after all. If that was the case, then it would be easier not knowing, that way he could at least pretend that he still had a chance, so he’d told himself that he needed to keep some distance between them. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he was happy to see her. And judging by the look on her face, so was she.

He gave her a soft smile. “Fancy meeting you here, luv.”

Buffy returned the smile, although she looked a little nervous. “Hi. I, um…” She looked away for a moment, then turned her attention back to him. “Mind if I join you?” Spike raised a brow in surprise. He had gotten the impression that Buffy didn’t drink, but maybe he had been wrong. As if she had read his mind, Buffy shrugged a little, giving him an apologetic look. “They do have diet coke here, right?” She blushed. “Me and alcohol don’t exactly mix. We’re very… un-mixy.”

Spike couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sure, pet. One diet coke coming up.” He waved at the bartender to get his attention, and Buffy sat down next to him. She looked a little uncomfortable, and he got the feeling that she didn’t go out much, at least not to places like this. Realizing that she probably had come here only because of him made him feel strangely warm inside.

“So, um… have you found a place to stay yet?” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. She didn’t look him in the eyes, and suddenly he felt like the biggest git in the world.

“Yeah. Look, Buffy…” He hesitated. “I know I said I’d call you, but…”

“That’s okay.” She looked up, quickly. “I understand you’ve had a lot…” Her voice trailed off, her insecurity obvious, and he sighed.

“No, I really meant to call you, but…” He paused. “Just thought I’d give you some space, is all.” Then he mentally rolled his eyes at himself, knowing that wasn’t the only reason, but wasn’t going to admit to Buffy what a pathetic coward he was.

“Oh, okay.” Buffy managed a small smile, desperately trying to come up with something else to talk about. Then she remembered the talk she’d had with Giles earlier. “Guess what? You may not be the only one who is moving out of the house, I’m thinking of getting a place of my own as well.”

He frowned. “Yeah? How come? I mean, you’ve been living with Giles since the, um… since…”

“Since William died, yeah.” Buffy sighed. “I don’t know, I just felt…” She shrugged. “I can’t live with Giles forever. If I ever wanna move on, I have to…” She shrugged again before finishing, vaguely; “…you know.”

Spike nodded, but still looked a little confused. “Right.” Then he remembered something, and downed the rest of his beer in one sweep. “Look, pet, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go. Got to slay some beasties and all that rot.”

Buffy nodded in understanding. “Want some company?”

He hesitated. A part of him really wanted to say yes. He knew that Buffy could be useful in a fight, not to mention that he would get to spend some more time with her. But then he recalled the events of the last couple of nights, and made up his mind. She just wouldn’t understand. He shook his head. “Thanks, pet, but I think I’ve better go alone. Maybe some other night?”

She got a disappointed look on her face, but quickly covered up. “Sure. I had other plans tonight, anyway.” Then she got up. “I guess I’ll see you around, then. Good luck with the slaying.” And then she was gone, before he could stop her.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As Spike crossed the cemetery, he soon felt the tingling in the back of his neck, a feeling he had come to be quite familiar with the last couple of nights. He stopped, knowing he was being followed, and looked around. “I already know you’re here. Why don’t you just show yourself?” He waited almost a minute before he started walking again. Right. They weren’t playing by his rules here, he knew that. But it was time to change that. He let out a sigh, stopping again, this time without turning around. “Look, I’m not in a mood for your bloody games tonight. You have something to say, I suggest you do it to my face.” Then he concentrated on listening, stake in a tight grip. Nothing. He turned around, and almost jumped at the sight of the vampire standing calmly in front of him.

He never understood how this vampire managed to do it. As the previous nights, he had felt her presence around him, but that was it. It both frightened him and fascinated him at the same time; he was the Slayer, no vampire should be able to sneak up on him like this. And yet, this one did it every time. He forced himself to relax his grip on the stake, refusing to let her think she had the upper hand by letting his insecurity show. Not that he knew much about vampires, but he just had to take one look at this one to know that she had a lot of power. Sure, she had done nothing to harm him so far, but he wasn’t stupid enough to trust her.

The vampire cocked her head to the side, her long, dark hair flowing around her and a smile curled on her red lips. “Hello, Spike.” Then she let out a giggle. “I knew you would be here. The stars told me.” She raised her eyes to the sky and spun around, holding out her arms like wings. “Such pretty little stars.” She stopped then and looked at him, and he noticed that despite her beauty, her eyes were cold as ice.

He took a deep breath and put his stake away. “Hello, Drusilla.”


TBC

Spike eyed the old, yet strangely beautiful vampire warily as she slowly came closer. A part of him wondered what the hell he was doing, why he hadn’t already staked her, another part couldn’t take his eyes off her. When she first had approached him, two nights ago, his first instinct had been to kill her. Now he couldn’t remember why he hadn’t just shoved the stake through her heart. What was even stranger, not to mention disturbing, was the fact that he had ran into her again last night, and yet she lived. And so did he.

When she was only a few feet away, Spike snapped out of the trance and quickly pulled out the stake from his pocket. He had no idea what her intentions were, and he wasn’t stupid enough to let her get too close. “One more step, and I’ll kill you.”

Drusilla just laughed. “No, you will not.” Then she looked him deep in the eyes, and for some reason, he found himself unable to look away. “Are you afraid of me, Spike?”

He snorted. “Afraid? Right. Think you’re forgetting who has the stake here, pet.”

Her laughter disappeared, and first he mistook her silence for anger. Then she gave him a sad smile. “So much alike. You even have the same eyes.” For a moment he was confused. Then he rolled his eyes as realization hit him. Of course. It was always about William. She went on; “You are not going to kill me. Not now, not ever. You may think you want to, but you don’t. Miss Edith told me. She never lies.”

Now he was even more confused, and started to suspect that this vampire wasn’t just a bit eccentric, she seemed to get crazier by the minute. “What are you on about? Who the bloody hell is Miss Edith?”

She ignored his question. “It’s okay. My William could never kill me either.” Then she sighed. “Now he’s gone. I miss him.”

A little voice inside his head was screaming at him to either use the stake, or to run as far away as possible. Yet he remained where he was. And once again, the stake was back in his pocket. For a moment he frowned, not remembering when he had put it away. He got a strange feeling of déjà vu, and a memory of last night flashed through his mind. They had been standing here, at the very same spot, talking. About… He shook his head, as if to clear it, not understanding why he couldn’t remember.

“I’m not going to bite you.” For some reason, he knew she was telling the truth, and for just a brief moment, he felt a pang of disappointment. Then he snapped out of it. Whoa! What the hell was going on here?! Drusilla must have seen his expression, because she laughed again. “Oh, it’s not that I don’t want to. But I can’t.” She noticed his confusion and went on explaining; “It’s your blood, you see. It would kill me.”

Spike stared at her in bewilderment, until he was starting to understand what she was saying. “Slayer blood…?”

Drusilla nodded. “It is poison. Only a few of us know.”

He blinked in surprise at this new found information. So, Slayer blood would kill a vampire? Suddenly he remembered something Buffy had said, about when she had found William, lying dead in his own blood. There had been a lot of blood. Apparently, the vampire who had killed him had known not to take any. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Drusilla knew something about who had killed him. For some reason, he didn’t think she had been the one. She had seemed genuinely sad when she talked about William.

He also wondered why no one had told him about this. Buffy, or Giles, or even Wesley should have said something. Or was it possible that they didn’t know? How could that be? Now he was more confused than ever. He realized that if he wanted to know more, he would have to ask Drusilla. She was silent, watching him, waiting for his reaction, and suddenly he felt so incredibly tired. He pulled out the stake again, taking a step closer. This was just another vampire, and he was the Slayer. He should just stake her, and be done with it. For the first time that night, he felt like he had just woken up from some dream, and his head was clear.

Giving her a questioning look, he wondered why he had felt so drawn to her. The feeling was gone now, however, and he wanted nothing more than to get back home and sleep for a week. But first he had a job to do. He raised the stake, and once again found himself looking into those eyes. The stake dropped to the ground and he stared at her, trying to understand what was happening. Drusilla smiled, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I told you, you are not going to kill me. You are going to listen to me, and you are going to remember what I am about to tell you.”

He nodded. “I will listen.”

Drusilla reached out her hand towards his face and let her cold fingers run down his cheek. He flinched, but was unable to pull back. She noticed his reaction, and sighed. “You and I are going to get to know each other, Spike. You see, I am not just an ordinary vampire.” She paused for a second. “Keep looking into my eyes. Be in me.” He just nodded.

She went on. “I am not going to kill you. I could, but I will not. I have not killed anyone in thirty years.”

Spike looked at her in surprise. “You’re a vampire. That’s what you do.”

Shaking her head, Drusilla closed her eyes, and he was finally able to look away. But he remained where he was. She smiled a little. “I told you, Spike, I am not an ordinary vampire. I can kill, but…” Then she let out a small whimper. “You have to help me. So much blood, so much pain…”

He took a step back. “What are you…?”

“Spike…” She cocked her head to the side, and looked him straight in the eyes. “I have a soul.”


TBC

“Is Giles around?” Buffy quickly glanced around the room as soon as she had entered the Magic Box.

“Not yet. He should be here soon, though. Want me to call him?” Anya looked up from the cash register and reached for the phone.

“No! A world of no.” Buffy shrugged out of her coat and tossed it on a nearby chair.

“Is something wrong, Buffy?” Willow had just entered the shop from the room in the back and heard what Buffy said. Now she walked up to her best friend, a concerned look on her face.

“No. It’s just…” Buffy sighed. “Let’s just say Giles and I had sort of a disagreement last night.”

Willow frowned. “About what?”

Buffy was just about to answer when Xander came hurrying out in the shop, Wesley following, a book in his hand. “I’m a carpenter, Wes! I build things. I don’t protect the world from evil, and I certainly don’t…” He gestured towards the book with a shudder. “…read!”

Wesley placed the book on a table and gave Xander an annoyed look. “We all need to be prepared for the inevitable battle. You have to be ready for what’s coming. There is evil out there, and…”

Buffy turned back to Willow, ignoring the two men bickering. “What’s going on here?”

Willow glanced at Xander and Wesley, then gave Buffy a small smile. “I think Wesley’s bored. He’s been like this all morning.”

“I don’t get it.” Anya left the counter and came around to stand next to Buffy and Willow. “If Spike quit, why is Wesley still here? Shouldn’t that make him without a job?”

Buffy shrugged. “I doubt he’s told the Council about it. It wouldn’t make him look good, not being able to handle his Slayer. I’m sure he’ll keep hanging here, trying to act useful.” Just then, the little bell on top of the door sounded, and Spike entered the store. The room became silent for a moment.

“Spike! You’re back.” Anya smiled, then seemed to remember something and the smile disappeared. “If you’re gonna start working here again, I’m not paying you for the last couple of days.”

Spike ignored her and walked over to the bookcase. Buffy walked up to him. “Hey.”

He gave her an apologetic look. “Hey.”

She gave him a nervous smile. “So, how did patrolling go last night?”

“Hold on.” Xander looked confused. “You patrol? I thought you quit.”

Spike shrugged. “Someone’s got to keep the town safe.” He turned back to the bookcase, paled a little at the sight of the large amount of books and decided that he would never be able to find what he was looking for by himself. Sighing, he glanced around the room. “Don’t suppose anyone’s heard about a vampire called Drusilla?”

Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya all got a blank look on their faces and shook their heads. Wesley, however, looked interested. “Drusilla, you say? That sounds awfully familiar. Hold on…” He hurriedly left the room, leaving the others to look after him in confusion.

Anya returned to her place behind the counter as a small group of potential customers entered the store. Buffy gave Spike a questioning look. “Who’s Drusilla?”

“A vampire I ran into last night.” Spike decided it was best not mentioning that it wasn’t the first time he had met her. “I’m just curious, is all.”

Buffy frowned. “But you did kill her, right?”

Spike looked away. “Well, thing is…”

“Drusilla has a soul.” Everybody stared at Wesley, who had just returned, now carrying another, larger book.

“Excuse me?!” Xander glanced at the newly arrived customers and lowered his voice. “A vampire with a soul? That’s not possible.”

“I will explain. Um… Why don’t we…?” Wesley gestured towards the other room. In a state of shock, the others followed him.

A moment later, they were all sitting around the table in the room Xander had long since named the ‘research room’. Needless to say, he avoided that room as much as possible. Wesley was the only one standing, and for once, he was the center of attention. He cleared his throat and started. “Drusilla was killed and turned in 1785 by an ancient vampire known as The Master. For almost two centuries, she was ravaging around Europe, killing, maiming, and torturing, men, women and children, everyone she came across.” He paused, then read directly from the book. “It says here that Drusilla was one of the few vampires who were known for using thrall on her victims. Apparently, she also had the ability to see what others couldn’t.”

Buffy raised her hand to stop him. “What does that mean?”

Wesley opened his mouth to respond, but Willow beat him to it; “She was psychic!” She then blushed and gave Wesley an apologetic look. “That’s what ‘see what others couldn’t’ means, right? She could see into the future and stuff?”

Wesley nodded in confirmation. “I believe so, yes.” Xander let out a low whistle, the others remained silent.

Wesley went on; “1977, in Ireland, Drusilla killed a young man named...” He stopped and looked down at the book, searching the page until he found what he was looking for. “Ah. Liam O’Connor. Although, it turned out that the young man’s mother was a very powerful witch. Broken with grief for her lost son, the woman put a curse on Drusilla. Her soul was returned to her. Haunted by the memories of her victims, the quilt drove her mad.” He closed the book.

No one said anything for a couple of minutes. Then Spike finally spoke up. “She’s here in Sunnydale.”

“Are you certain?” Wesley gave him a doubtful look. “There has been no sign of Drusilla for thirty years.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “She’s here. I’ve seen her. Talked to her.”

Buffy spoke up. “The other day, Giles said something about a rumor going around town. Something about an old and powerful vampire. That could be her, right?”

“I see.” Wesley got a thoughtful look on his face, then turned back to Spike. “You said you talked to her. What did she say?”

Spike shrugged. “Said she had a soul, and that she wanted me to help her. And…”

Wesley frowned. “And what?”

“I…” Spike hesitated, not wanting to bring up the possibility of Drusilla having known William. He knew that he had seen Drusilla three nights in a row, but he couldn’t for his life remember what else they had been talking about. Still, he had a feeling he was forgetting something very important. That was weird. He shrugged again. “That’s all.”

Wesley didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? There must be more. This could be most important, if you know anything…”

“He just said he didn’t.” Buffy glared at Wesley.

Spike gave Buffy a surprised look, then turned back to Wesley. “There’s nothing more.”

Wesley opened his mouth to object, then closed it again and nodded. He was silent for a moment before speaking again. “If you see her again…”

“I probably won’t.” Spike didn’t look the Watcher in the eyes, knowing that was a lie. He had no doubts that he would meet Drusilla again the next time he went on patrol. He just didn’t know how he felt about it. A part of him still wanted to stake her, yet another part was curious and wanted to know more about her. But for some reason, he didn’t think the others would understand. “Got to go. See you guys around.” He got up from the table and headed for the door.

Buffy only hesitated for a moment before jumping up and following Spike back out in the shop. “Spike, wait.” He turned around, giving her a questioning look. She smiled a little. “Going home?” She frowned. “Wherever that is.”

Spike suddenly felt stupid. Buffy was obviously trying here, and he knew he had practically ignored her lately. He was still a little hurt by her actions the other day, but if he kept avoiding her, he would push her away for sure, and he didn’t want that. He still loved her, after all. Making up his mind, he returned her smile. “Got a small apartment not far from here. It’s not much, but…” He shrugged. “Wanna see?”

The look of relief on her face was impossible to miss. “Sure. Now?”

“Why not?” He suddenly felt nervous. “Um… We could grab something to eat on the way. If you want, I mean. We don’t have to...”

Her smile widened. “Like a date?”

“No!” He looked away, suddenly beyond embarrassed. Then he took a deep breath. “I mean… do you want it to be?”


TBC

“Wow! This is…” Buffy looked around the small apartment, desperately trying to come up with something positive to say. “…nice!”

Spike rolled his eyes at her reaction. “Told you, s’not much. But right now, it’s all I can afford. Was either this, or one of those nice crypts over at the cemetery.” He paused for a second. “Think of it, that might have been better. Bit closer to work.” Buffy snorted, and he couldn’t help but chuckle. Then he became serious. “So, um, want something to drink?”

She was just about to say no, but changed her mind. “Sure. What do you got?”

“Well, haven’t been at the grocery store today, so…” He suddenly looked embarrassed. “Water? Unless you want a beer?”

Grimacing, Buffy shook her head. “Water will be fine.” He nodded and headed for the kitchen.

A couple of minutes later, they were sitting in the small couch in the tiny living room, both sipping on their drinks in silence. Before they had arrived to Spike’s apartment, they had stopped for lunch at a small café. They had been talking about just everything, and it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. But now, suddenly, something had changed. Buffy glanced over at Spike, and noticed that he seemed to be just as nervous as she was. She took a deep breath, desperate to come up with something to talk about. “So, gonna patrol again tonight?”

He looked up, relieved at the fact that she was trying to start a conversation. “Yeah. Not like I have a choice, anyway.” Then he paused. “Besides, s’not that bad. I’ll get used to it.”

“Seems like you already have.” Buffy recalled how she had watched him fight the other night. He sure had looked like he had enjoyed it. Then she remembered that he wasn’t supposed to know about that.

Spike gave her a confused look. “What?”

Blushing, Buffy waved her hand in dismissal, letting out a nervous laugh. “Nothing.” Then her smile disappeared. “Are you gonna see her tonight? Drusilla?”

He looked surprised for a moment, then shrugged. “Dunno, s’not up to me to decide. She wants to see me, she will.”

Buffy was silent for a moment. “Last night wasn’t the first time you met her, was it?” Spike didn’t answer at first. Then he shook his head. Buffy nodded in understanding. “Thought so.” She looked down at her hands.

Spike didn’t know what to say. To say that he was confused would be an understatement. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Buffy almost acted like she was jealous. But that would be ridiculous. Right? He looked at her, but she refused to meet his eyes. “She’s a vampire, pet.”

“I know.” She finally looked up. “What does she look like? Is she pretty?”

“Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with…?” He stopped, abruptly, realizing that the proper answer would’ve been a firm ‘no’. “I mean, not that I was looking or anything. I just…”

Buffy rolled her eyes and raised her hand to stop his ramblings. “Of course not.” She slumped back on the couch and took another sip of her water.

Spike watched her in silence. For a moment, he considered telling Buffy about what Drusilla had said about William. Drusilla had made it sound almost like they were having an affair, but he couldn’t know for sure. But Buffy hadn’t even known about Drusilla’s existence, that meant whatever had been going on between them, William had kept it a secret. Maybe his cousin hadn’t been so perfect after all; it sure looked like he’d had at least some skeletons hidden in his closet. Maybe if Buffy found out, it would be easier for her to move on.

But, of course, he could never do that to her. Finding out that the love of her life had been lying, and maybe even cheating on her, would hurt Buffy, and he didn’t want that. Besides, what if she wouldn’t believe him? Maybe she would think that he was just making it up to make William look bad. It wasn’t like he could prove anything. So, he decided against telling her, at least for now. But he made a silent promise to himself to find out as much about it as possible the next time he would run into Drusilla.

“What does she want, anyway?”

Buffy’s words snapped him out of his thoughts, and he gave her a startled look. “What?” He realized that she was staring at him.

She sighed, and repeated her words. “Drusilla. What does she want? You said before that she wanted your help. With what?”

He shrugged. “Not sure. I think she wants to learn to be good, you know, help fighting on the good side. Maybe she doesn’t know how to do that on her own.”

Buffy looked at him. “Are you gonna help her?”

Thinking about it for a moment, Spike finally nodded. “If I can.” He saw the expression on Buffy’s face and hurried to add; “She could be really useful, fighting on our side. She’ll make a difference.”

Buffy was silent for almost a minute. Then she sighed. “Can I meet her?”

He gave her a surprised look, then nodded. “If you want.”

She nodded as well. “I do.” Then she paused for a moment. “Do we have to talk about Drusilla?”

Spike frowned. “You’re the one who brought her up.”

Sighing, Buffy closed her eyes for a second. “I know. But… Can’t we just…?” He took her by surprise when he leaned over and kissed her, softly on the lips. But she quickly recovered from the shock and wrapped her arms around his neck, hungrily returning the kiss. Spike shifted on the couch, so he could pull her into his arms and she happily leaned into his embrace with a sigh.

Suddenly he pulled back. “Buffy, are you sure…?”

Buffy almost screamed at the loss of contact; she needed him to keep kissing her. But she took a deep breath and looked him deep in the eyes. “Yes, Spike, I’m sure. Please…” He watched her closely, searching for some sign that she didn’t mean it. Then he nodded, obviously satisfied with her answer, and once again captured her lips with his.


TBC

Buffy finally pulled back, not because she wanted to, but because the lack of air was seriously starting to become a problem. Gasping, she tried to get her breathing under control before glancing at Spike. The happy smile on her face faltered when she realized that he didn’t want to meet her eyes. “Spike?”

He got up from the couch and started pacing the room. Finally he stopped, but still wouldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have done that.”

“What?” The frustration and disappointment almost brought tears to her eyes, and she had to take a deep breath before she went on. “What’s wrong? I thought…” She swallowed. “You don’t want me anymore.”

“No, that’s not…” Spike sighed. “Buffy, I…” He hesitated. “I’ll always want you, pet. But I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. You’re not ready, and…”

She interrupted him, the disappointment shifting into anger. “Don’t you think it’s up to me to decide whether I’m ready or not?”

He finally looked at her, his face a mixture of anger and frustration. “All right, fine, then I’m not ready. Not for another rejection. We’ve been through this, Buffy. I told you, I need time.”

“You think I would reject you?” Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, fighting back tears. She had been so happy, why did things have to go so wrong? Maybe she had been right, maybe she just wasn’t meant to be happy. “If that’s so, why did you kiss me in the first place?”

“Because…” He stopped, suddenly at a loss for words, which only made her angrier.

“Oh, I get it. I hurt you, so you decided to hurt me back. Is that it? Kissing me like that, making me feel things, and then…”

“Oh bloody hell… Don’t be ridiculous!” Spike glared at her. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Buffy let out a shaky breath, refusing to start crying. “And I never meant to hurt you. But I did, and I’m sorry. So, when are you gonna forgive me? I thought you said you’d give me a chance to prove to you that I meant what I said the other day.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she went on; “You said you needed time. Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you kissed me.” She paused. “You’re confusing the hell out of me, you know that?! I should just leave; coming here was obviously a mistake.” She reached for her jacket and got up.

Spike grabbed her arm to stop her. “Don’t go.” He gave her a pleading look, and she sighed.

“What do you want me to say, Spike?” Suddenly Buffy felt very tired. “Do you want me to promise you that we’ll be together for the rest of our lives and live happily ever after? I can’t do that.”

He felt a pang in his chest at her words. “I know that, I’d never expect you to…”

“No one can make such a promise.” Buffy interrupted him, desperate to make him understand what she meant. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen, anymore than you do. All I know is that right now, you’re the one I wanna be with. I may be confused about a lot of things, but not that.” Spike didn’t look totally convinced, although he did suddenly look a bit more hopeful. Buffy sighed. “I have a past, Spike, just like you. I can’t pretend it never happened.”

“I’m not saying you should.” Spike reached for her hand, and she allowed him to take it. “But can you honestly say you’re over him?”

“William?” He nodded, and Buffy let out a sigh. “A part of me will always love him. He was my first love, hell, my only love. But I finally feel that I’m ready to move on.” She paused for a moment. “For three years, I’ve been convincing myself that I could never love someone again.”

Spike was almost afraid to ask. “And now?”

She gave him a small smile. “Giles asked me if I loved you. I said I might be able to.”

He stared at her in shock. “You told Giles about us?!”

“Well, yeah.” Buffy suddenly looked embarrassed. “Actually, I told him I met someone, he figured it out for himself that it was you.”

Spike felt like his head was spinning, realizing that Buffy would never tell Giles about them if she wasn’t serious. Suddenly he felt very stupid for reacting the way he did. Then a thought occurred to him. “How did he take it?” Buffy looked away, and he sighed. “Not good, then.”

“He’s just… concerned.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “But I told him that it’s my life, and my decision who I want to be with.”

He looked surprised. “You did?” She nodded, and he remembered what she had told him the night before. “Is that why you’re moving out? Because of me?”

“That’s not the only reason.” Buffy sat back down on the couch, and he followed. “I meant what I said about moving on. I can’t live with my ex boyfriend’s father for the rest of my life. Giles has been great and all, but…” She shrugged. “I’m a grown woman now, it’s time I start taking care of myself.”

Spike smiled a little. “Or, I could take care of you.”

Blushing, Buffy looked down at her hands. “When you put it like that…”

“So, what are you saying?” Spike became serious. “About us. What do you want?”

She looked him right in the eyes when she answered, without hesitation; “I want the whole thing.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

Buffy nodded. “Never been more sure about anything.” She couldn’t help but giggle at the happy smile that appeared on his face. Then she let out an ‘eep’ as he pulled her close and crashed his lips against hers. Desperate to get even closer to him, Buffy climbed onto his lap, so that she was straddling him. Then she pulled back a little, so she could look at him. “You’re not gonna freak out again, are you? Not gonna give me any more crap about not being ready?”

Spike put on a serious expression. “As long as you’re not gonna call me ‘William’ again.”

She rolled her eyes. “I told you I was sorry about that. What do you want me to do to make it up to you?”

“Well…” He smirked. “I have a few ideas…”


TBC

Without a word, Spike got up from the couch, took Buffy’s hand and led her into the small bedroom. Once in there, he gently lowered her down on the bed, then kicked off his boots and joined her. He made a motion to remove her shirt, then hesitated. “This okay with you, luv?” Her mumbled grunt of approval was the only response he got, so he quickly slipped the shirt over her head and let it drop to the floor. Then he let his hand softly run over her white, lace bra, giving her a questioning look.

She nodded in approval, so he reached around her, at the same time giving her a soft kiss on the lips, and removed her bra as well, after only a moment’s struggle. Buffy tugged at his black t-shirt and managed to get it over his head, then threw it recklessly in a heap on the floor, ignoring the amused look on his face. Then she reached out for him, tugging on his arm to get him to come even closer. He chuckled at her obvious eagerness and raised a brow. “Can’t wait to jump my bones, eh, pet?”

Buffy mock glared at him. “You wish!” Then she became quiet as he slowly started unbuttoning her pants. Once he’d gotten them off, he tossed them to the floor on top of his shirt. He kissed her again and she slid her arms around his neck, returning the kiss with passion. Then she pulled back a little, causing him to moan in protest. She smiled sweetly and gently put her hand on the large bulge inside his pants. Spike let out a gasp and she desperately tried to suppress a giggle. “That looks really uncomfortable.”

He rolled his eyes, pushing her hand away, so he could unbutton his jeans. “Trying to kill me here, luv?”

Buffy just smiled. “Who, me?” She put her hand on top of his to stop him. “Here, let me do that.” She quickly pulled down the zipper and a moment later, his pants were lying on the floor as well. Her eyes widened as she realized that he didn’t wear anything underneath. “You... you don’t have…”

He smirked. “Never.” Her mouth made the shape of an ‘O’ and she actually blushed, something he found adorable. Then he nodded towards her white, silk thong, a hopeful expression on his face. “Think one of us is a bit overdressed here, pet.” She took his hand and placed it on the edge of her thong, rolling her eyes as he, instead of removing them gently, simply ripped them right off, then gave her an innocent look.

She pouted, pretending to be upset, and he started nibbling on her bottom lip, causing her to giggle. But the smile died on her lips as his hand went down to gently caress her swollen clit, and she couldn’t help but let out a gasp of pleasure. “Oh, God…” She let her own hand slide down, until it reached his hardening erection and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Spike inhaled shakily. “Bloody hell… Buffy, I…” His other hand was stroking the soft skin on her bare stomach. “Want you, luv. Don’t think I can wait much longer.”

Buffy felt like her head was spinning and she was suddenly convinced that if he wouldn’t get inside her immediately, she would die. “Don’t have to wait. Need you. Now!”

She didn’t have to tell him twice; it was like he had just been waiting for her invitation, like he didn’t want to take the next step unless she told him it was okay. Spike moved so he was on top of her and slid inside her with a moan. Buffy closed her eyes and tightened her grip around him as he started to thrust inside her. She wasn’t surprised at all when he soon came, just a moment after her, having known it would be over all too soon. They were both too aroused and too eager to be able to last very long, but for some reason, she didn’t care. There would be time for slow lovemaking later. They had all the time in the world.

Afterwords they just lay there in each other’s arms, panting. Buffy rested her head on Spike’s shoulder and he let his fingers softly run over her hair. Then he looked her in the eyes and gave her a soft smile. “I love you.” She opened her mouth, automatically, but he put a finger on her lips to stop her. “You don’t have to say anything, just wanted you to know.”

Buffy placed a gentle kiss on his finger. “I know. But I feel like I should…” She hesitated, not wanting to say the wrong thing. “You know I’ve only been with…” Then she stopped, abruptly. Bringing up the name of her ex lover now was definitely not a good idea. She started over; “To me, those words don’t come easily. But that doesn’t mean I don’t…”

“Buffy, don’t.” Spike leaned over and kissed her and she closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his lips against hers. Then he pulled back a little. “I understand.”

Suddenly she felt like crying. “Please, be patient with me. I want this, I really do. I care about you so much, I just need some time.” She paused, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, and tried to smile.

“Shh, s’all right.” He reached out his hand and gently cupped her cheek. “I’m not going anywhere, pet. Love you, remember?”

She let out the breath she’d been holding and the relief in her voice when she spoke again was obvious; “Oh, thank God.” Then she paused for a moment. “Just because I can’t say it yet doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.”

Spike didn’t answer. Instead he tightened his grip around her and kissed her again, and she happily returned the kiss with a soft moan. Eventually they had to pull back for air and she buried her face against his neck. When she spoke, her voice sounded muffled. “Don’t wanna move. Wanna stay here forever.”

He started stroking her hair again, and closed his eyes as she gently pressed her cheek against his. “Me too, luv. Me too.”


TBC

“Have you told your mates about us?”

Buffy looked at Spike, a bit taken aback by his sudden question. It had been two days since they had made love for the first time at Spike’s place. “Not yet.”

“Oh.” He quickly looked away, and she sighed.

“I will, okay? It’s not like I’ve been hiding it or anything, it just hasn’t come up.” He didn’t answer, just kept walking, and Buffy grabbed his arm to stop him. “Spike!”

He stopped then, giving her a tired look. “I understand, s’okay.”

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, then raised her hands in frustration. “I told Giles, Spike. Giles! He’s like my father, hell; he’s been more like a father to me than my real dad. If that won’t convince you that I’m serious about us, I don’t know what will.”

Spike opened his mouth, then closed it again, lowering his eyes. “I’m sorry, I…”

“No…” Buffy let out another sigh, her voice softening when she spoke again; “Spike, I’m gonna tell them. I want them to know about us.” She paused, gently taking his hand in hers. “This is real, okay? I don’t regret anything. Don’t ever doubt that.”

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I don’t. Look, Buffy, I know I’m acting like a ponce about this. It’s just…” He hesitated. “Never mind. You tell them when you’re ready.”

“I am ready.” Buffy looked him deep in the eyes, silently begging for him to believe her. “I promise, the next time we’ll meet them, I’ll tell them.”

Spike was quiet for a moment. “Really, Buffy, you don’t have to…”

She interrupted him, giving him a patient look. “I know, but I want to. Okay?”

He smiled then. “Okay.” Then he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, softly on the lips, and she happily leaned into his touch. They looked at each other for a moment, then started walking again. She slid her small hand into his and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Buffy glanced at Spike as they had reached the cemetery, looking for something evil to kill. She held her stake in a tight grip, fully prepared to shove it right into the heart of some lurking vampire.

“What do you mean?” Spike casted a brief look at her before quickly turning his attention back to the surroundings, not wanting to be taken off guard should someone, or something, try to sneak up on them.

Buffy stopped. “This whole thing just feels…” She hesitated. “For me, ‘vampire’ equals bad. Soul or no soul, I don’t think I could ever trust her.”

“Oh, I don’t trust her.” Spike stopped as well.

“You don’t?” Buffy looked confused. “But…”

Spike sighed. “I may be new at this, pet, but I’m not completely daft. It’s just that…” He paused. “If she’s serious, if she really wants to change and be good, then I wanna help her. I’ve done some really bad things myself, and I got a second chance. And…”

“And now you think she deserves the same.” Buffy got a thoughtful look on her face, causing Spike to frown.

“Clearly, you don’t agree.”

“I didn’t say that…” Buffy sighed, trying to find the right words. “But maybe it’s not possible. I know she has a soul, but what does that really say about a person? There are people out there who rob and kill and rape, and they have a soul. It doesn’t stop them from hurting other people.” Spike opened his mouth to object, but she went on; “I know it’s not the same thing, but think about it. Drusilla’s been evil for more than two hundred years. Then someone forces a soul on her. That doesn’t automatically mean that she’ll suddenly become a completely different person.” She frowned, correcting herself; “Vampire.”

Spike shrugged. “Maybe not, but maybe you’re wrong. She hasn’t killed anyone in thirty years, that should mean something.” Buffy didn’t look convinced, but remained silent. He sighed. “And it’s obvious that nothing I say is gonna make you see things my way, so let’s just drop it.” He started walking again, Buffy following, and for a couple of minutes, neither of them said anything.

They kept walking in silence, until Buffy couldn’t take it anymore. “Spike?”

“What?” He cringed at the irritated note in his voice, immediately noticing the hurt look on Buffy’s face. Sighing, he reached out for her and pulled her into his arms, relieved when she – after only a moment’s hesitation – melted into his embrace. “Love you.”

“I know.” She smiled a little, then pulled back. “Let’s head back to your place.”

He gave her a confused look. “What about patrolling?”

Buffy looked around the empty cemetery. There was not a vampire in sight. “I think we can call it a night. Looks quiet enough.”

Spike hesitated. “What if…?” Then he stopped as a thought occurred to him, giving her an understanding look. “You don’t wanna run into Drusilla, is that what this is about?”

“No.” Buffy pouted a little. “Maybe.”

He gently cupped her cheek and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “She won’t hurt you, luv. Even if she wanted to, which she won’t, I would never let her.”

Buffy forced a smile, trying to hide her irritation. It was obvious that Spike thought she was afraid of Drusilla, which was far from the truth. The thing was, she didn’t like the way Spike was talking about the souled vampire, like he had something in common with her. Why was he so eager to help her, anyway? Not like she was jealous or anything. Absolutely not! She was just… concerned. Spike seemed so willing to trust the vampire, even though he said he wasn’t, and that could only lead to badness. Buffy hadn’t met Drusilla yet, she admitted that, but there was no way she could believe that a vampire could ever be good. And since Spike obviously believed different, it was up to her to make sure he wouldn’t end up getting hurt.

She smiled again, for real this time, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She could hardly believe how much he had already come to mean to her, and knew that she loved him. Hopefully, some day she would even be able to say the words out loud. But until then, she would have to settle for letting her actions tell him how she felt about him. She kissed him then, slow and gentle at first, but the kiss soon became deeper. Enjoying the feeling of his arms around her, she tightened her grip around him, one hand coming up to play with the curls on the back of his neck. Oblivious of the rest of the world, they just stood there for what felt like hours, kissing and holding each other. Neither one of them noticed the dark-haired vampire who was watching them from a distance, a furious expression on her pale face.


TBC

Spike knew Drusilla was standing right outside his door, he could feel her, just like he had felt her lurking in the shadows when he and Buffy had been patrolling the night before. The fact that she now knew where he lived bothered him a little, for reasons he didn’t quite understand. After all, she had a soul; he shouldn’t feel threatened by her. Yet, a part of him couldn’t help but being a little suspicious, wondering why she kept seeking him out. Not to mention the fact that Buffy was supposed to show up any minute, surely she wouldn’t appreciate finding Drusilla here with him. He eyed the vampire a little warily. “Drusilla.”

She smiled a little and there was no doubt she noticed his discomfort. “Spike. Are you going to invite me in?”

He considered it, then shook his head. “Don’t think that would be such a good idea, pet.”

Her smile faltered and she took a step closer, looking him deep in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

Spike frowned, suddenly feeling like he was drowning. He took a step back, gesturing for her to come inside. “Come on in.” The smile on her face was back as she entered the apartment, the invisible barrier now gone. Spike sat down on the couch. “Why are you here?”

She ignored his question as she walked over to the couch and sat down next to him, running her hand over the exact spot where Buffy had been sitting the other day. “Keep playing with sunshine, and you will get burned.”

He stared at her in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She didn’t answer, just kept looking at him, and he found himself feeling uncomfortable. “Slayer here, pet. Sunshine’s really not a problem for me. You on the other hand…” He left the rest of the sentence hanging.

Drusilla was silent for a moment. “Do you feel it yet?”

“Feel what?” He was annoyed, not liking the lack of control he had been in since the minute she had stepped through the door.

She finally looked away, much to his relief. “Every Slayer has a death wish. If you haven’t felt it already, you will.”

He really didn’t like the sound of that, but refused to let her words get to him. “Don’t think so, luv.”

Drusilla laughed. “But you will. You are no different.” She paused. “My William felt it. He was weak. Took the easy way out and welcomed it, rather than…” Suddenly she let out a furious cry. “He wouldn’t help me! No matter how much I…” She stopped and closed her eyes as a soft moan escaped her throat.

Spike reached for the wooden stake he always carried in his pocket. “You killed him.”

Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him, surprised. “No.” She looked him in the eyes and he lowered the stake without even realizing it. “I called him my Angel.” Drusilla’s voice was soft when she spoke again, though her eyes were cold as usual. “But he was no angel. Despised me, he did. As he should.”

Spike was confused. “Who, William? How well did you know him, exactly?”

Drusilla went on as she hadn’t even heard him. “I killed the bad witch. Snapped her neck and bled her dry. But it was already too late. And now I’m doomed.”

“Um…” Spike had no idea what she was talking about. Then the realization hit him. “You’re talking about the witch who put that curse on you. What has she got to do with William?”

“No, you don’t understand.” Drusilla let out a whimper. “It’s inside me, all the time. I can’t make it stop. It burns…” She pressed her fingers to her temples, moaning.

“Your soul.” Spike nodded in understanding. “But what has any of this got to do with William?”

“He was supposed to save me.” Drusilla’s bottom lip was trembling. “But he wouldn’t help me.” She gave him a pleading look. “You have to help me, Spike. Tell me you will help me.”

“How?” Spike was frustrated. One minute Drusilla acted like an ancient vampire, the next like a frightened child. He didn’t like it, because it gave him no idea what to expect. Before she got the chance to answer, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. For a moment he frowned, then let out a groan. “Oh, bloody hell! Forgot about Buffy.”

Drusilla casted a glance towards the door, then turned back to Spike. “Make her go away.”

“What?” Spike stared at her in confusion. “No!” He paused. “I’ll introduce you to her, then you’re gonna leave.”

“No.” Drusilla ran her fingers down his cheek. “She can’t know I’m here.”

Spike got up. “I don’t know what you’re on about, but I’m not gonna lie to Buffy. If you don’t…” His voice trailed off as he once again found himself looking into those dark, empty eyes.

“You’re going to make her go away. Then you will come into the bedroom.” Drusilla spoke with a low voice. “I’ll be waiting for you. Then I will tell you how you’re going to help me. Do you understand?” He nodded. “Good. Now, go and open the door.” She let go of him and quickly slipped out of the room.

Shaking his head, Spike tried to remember what had just happened, but his mind was blurred and foggy. He hurried over to the door and opened it, revealing a smiling Buffy. “Hi!” Buffy leaned in to kiss him, but he took a step back. She got a hurt look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He had a sinking feeling that he was about to make a big mistake, but couldn’t for his life understand what it was. “I’m sorry, luv, but I don’t feel very good. Think I might be coming down with something, don’t want you to catch it.”

“Oh.” Buffy tried to force a smile, but was unable to hide her disappointment. “It’s okay, I understand.” She hesitated. “I should probably leave then?” She gave him a questioning look, silently begging him to object. She had been looking forward to seeing Spike all day; she couldn’t care less about catching any of his germs.

Spike wanted to tell her to stay, but it was like someone else was talking through him. “It would probably be for the best. Think I’ll just head straight to bed, m’a bit knackered.”

Buffy nodded. “Of course. Maybe we can get together tomorrow night instead.” She paused. “That is, if you’re feeling better.”

“Sure, luv. I’m looking forward to it.” Spike gave her a smile he hoped would be assuring. “Love you, pet.”

She returned his smile, although it was a little uncertain. “I know.” She waited until after he had closed the door behind him before whispering, softly; “Love you too.”


TBC

Spike closed the front door behind him with a frown, for a moment not sure about what had just happened. As he headed towards the other room, he had a feeling he was forgetting something, but couldn’t figure out what. He opened the door leading into his bedroom, for a brief moment wondering why he had closed it, and stepped inside. The room was dark and he reached for the light switch.

“No, leave the light off.” Buffy was lying in his bed, wearing nothing more than her bra and underwear, a seductive smile on her lips.

“Buffy? What are you…?” Spike took a step towards her, then stopped, glancing over his shoulder towards the front door. “But you just left.”

Buffy giggled. “No, silly, I’ve been here all night.” Spike stared at her. Something was definitely wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Buffy sat up, gesturing for him to come closer as she went on; “Don’t you remember? I said I’d wait for you here while you got the door. Who was it?”

“I… I don’t...” Spike felt like his head was spinning. There had been someone at the door, of that he was sure. But why couldn’t he remember who it was? And why did he suddenly feel like running?

“Spike…” Buffy pouted. “Come over here, I’ve been so lonely without you.” She looked him deep in the eyes, and he finally walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. She looked pleased and the smile was back on her face. “I think one of us is a bit overdressed…” She reached for the edge of his shirt.

“Buffy, wait.” He pulled back a little. “Something’s not right here, luv.”

For a moment her smile disappeared and her eyes became ice cold. Then they were back to normal. “What do you mean? Everything’s perfect.” She pouted again. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Of course I…” Spike stopped, wondering why he suddenly couldn’t get the rest of the words out. This was Buffy; the woman he was madly in love with. She obviously wanted them to make love and he should be thrilled. What the bloody hell was wrong with him? He took a deep breath and gave her a strained smile. “I’m sorry, pet. I just…” He hesitated, not knowing what he was trying to say.

“Spike, I need you.” Buffy gave him a pleading look, and he almost gave in. Seeing his hesitation, she put both of her hands on his shoulders. “Spike, look me in the eyes.” He obeyed. “I love you.”

Spike just stared at her. He had been dreaming of the moment when Buffy would finally tell him that she loved him. Now was the time when he should take her in his arms and kiss her breath away, hold her close and promise to never let go. He should lower her down on the bed and make love to her for the rest of the night. So, why didn’t he? He opened his mouth, then closed it again, frustrated by his sudden confusion.

Frowning, Buffy gave him a questioning look. “Spike?” She reached out her hand and gently put it on his cheek. “Did you hear what I just said? I love you.”

Her fingers were cold as ice, and when Spike felt them brushing against his skin he froze and pulled back, abruptly. He stared at her. “You’re not…” Swallowing, he looked at her, closely. She looked just like Buffy; beautiful as always, but when she had touched him… Suddenly he felt like he was waking up from a dream, blinking in confusion. A feeling of déjà vu came over him; he had felt those cold fingers touching his face before. He jumped up from the bed. “Drusilla?”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Buffy, thank God you’re here.” Giles hurried over to her as soon as she had entered The Magic Box, and she had to suppress a groan. She had been hoping to catch Willow; she was in a mood for some serious girl talk and possibly icecream. Ever since she had left Spike’s apartment, she’d had a feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling her. It didn’t make any sense, she knew that. But still, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had been lying to her, that he hadn’t been sick at all and just wanted to get rid of her. But why would he do something like that?

“What’s up, Giles?” She smiled a little, although it was a bit strained. Ever since their disagreement the other night, things hadn’t been quite the same between them. Her smile faltered when she saw the worried expression on the man’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Buffy, this is most important.” The look on his face told her that he was dead serious, and she nodded in understanding. “When did you last see Spike?”

Buffy frowned. “Just did, about ten minutes ago. Giles, what’s this all about?”

Giles looked a little relieved. It only lasted for a brief moment. “Where is he? Is he all right?”

“I guess.” Buffy walked over to the table and sat down, Giles following. “He’s at home.”

“At home?” Giles reached for his phone. “Are you sure? I’ve been calling him several times, and he haven’t picked up.”

She shrugged. “He said he wasn’t feeling good. Maybe he turned off the phone.”

Before Giles got the chance to answer, Wesley came rushing out into the store. “Giles, have you…?” He stopped when he saw Buffy. “Buffy. Is Spike with you?” He looked around the room.

“No.” Buffy looked from Giles to Wesley. “All right, what’s going on?”

Wesley glanced at Giles. “Did you, um, did you tell her?”

Giles shook his head. Buffy rolled her eyes. “Somebody please just tell me! What happened? Don’t tell me the world is ending again, I’m so not in the mood for that.” The two watchers just looked at her and her eyes widened. “You’re kidding, right?” She looked around. “Where are the others?”

“I sent them home.” Giles sighed. “That was before we…” He removed his glasses and started wiping them on his shirt. “Buffy…” Then he put the glasses back on. “The world is not ending. However, we did find out...” Wesley cleared his throat and he sighed again. “Wesley found out something rather disturbing. It involves Spike’s new, um… friend, Drusilla. There is a possibility that she’s not quite as harmless as we first assumed.”

“That skank is not his friend!” Buffy glared at Giles, then stopped as his words started to sink in. “What do you mean? She has a soul, right? That’s what you said.”

“Yes, well…” Giles hesitated, then turned to Wesley. “You found the book, why don’t you explain it to her?”

Wesley nodded. “All right.” He turned to Buffy. “I decided to do some research, on Spike’s… um, on Drusilla.”

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “What did you find out? Has she got a soul or not?”

“Yes, that much is certain. But…” Wesley started pacing the room, then stopped. “I’m quite sure there is no need to worry. But it is most important that Spike stays away from her.”

Buffy jumped up from the chair and walked over to Wesley. “What are you talking about?” Before the watcher could answer, she reached into her pocket for her cell phone and hurriedly dialed Spike’s number. After almost a minute, she gave up, glaring at Wesley. “Well?”

Wesley looked at Giles, who nodded, then took a deep breath. “Drusilla was cursed with a soul. But it doesn’t appear to be permanent. Apparently, there is a way to break the curse.” He hesitated. “I have reason to believe that Drusilla has somehow managed to find out how.”

Suddenly feeling nauseous, Buffy closed her eyes for a moment. This was even worse than she had thought. She gave Wesley a demanding look. “What is it?”

Swallowing nervously, Wesley opened his mouth, then closed it again. He gave Giles a pleading look. The older watcher rolled his eyes, then turned to Buffy. “The only way Drusilla can lose her soul…” He paused and his eyes met Buffy’s. “…is for her to be loved by a Slayer.”


TBC

Spike stared at the vampire in front of him, realizing how close he had come to making a terrible mistake. He couldn’t believe that she had actually made him think that he was about to make love with Buffy. Furiously, he pulled out a stake. “Get out, or I will kill you. I’m not kidding.”

“You could never understand.” Drusilla let out a whimper. “I had to do it, it’s the only way.”

“Why?” Spike glared at her. “Thought you had a bloody soul, how the hell could you do something like that?!”

Drusilla got up from the bed. “Spike, look into my…”

“Forget it, s’not gonna happen!” Spike took a step back, the stake still in a tight grip. “Don’t know how you did it, but I’m not falling for it again.” He paused. “It’s the thrall, isn’t it? You made me think… Oh bloody hell!” He stopped as realization hit him, suddenly understanding why he’d had such a hard time remembering the conversations he knew they had been having lately. “You’ve been doing it all along, haven’t you?”

“I had to.” Drusilla’s voice was calm, in fact, a bit too calm for his liking. “I had to make you love me.”

“You… what?!” Not sure he had heard her correctly; Spike just stared at her in disbelief. He remembered Wesley saying something about the soul had driven Drusilla crazy, and if he hadn’t been convinced before, he was now. “Why would…?” He shook his head. “I could never love you!” His eyes narrowed. “But you already knew that, didn’t you? That’s why you decided to make me think I was with Buffy, so you could…” He stopped, frowning. “What, exactly?”

“You said you were going to help me.” Drusilla suddenly sounded like a stubborn child, and for a moment it was hard to remember that she was an ancient vampire. “You promised.”

“Yeah, well, not like that!” Spike snorted. “I thought you wanted to learn how to live with your soul, how to deal with the guilt and be able to help people against evil. I thought you wanted to… be good.” He stopped, suddenly feeling very stupid. “But that’s not it at all, is it? That’s not why you needed me to help you?”

“No.” Drusilla shook her head, slowly. “I don’t need you to help me live with my soul.” She paused and smiled; a smile that made his skin crawl. “I need you to help me get rid of it.”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Excuse me?!” Buffy stared at the two watchers, then surprised them by bursting out laughing. “Oh my God, that witch sure knew what she was doing when she put the curse on Drusilla, didn’t she? That’s hilarious!” She stopped laughing as she realized that she seemed to be the only one who was amused. “Come on, guys, it’s funny! Don’t tell me that’s what’s having you both look so concerned? It’s not like that could ever happen.”

“Buffy…” Giles glanced at Wesley, whose worried expression matched his own. “I don’t think you realize the seriousness of this situation. If you…”

“No!” Buffy suddenly looked upset. “You’re saying Drusilla will lose her soul if she can get Spike to love her. And I’m saying that will never happen. Not in a million years.” She paused. “Spike loves me.”

“Yes, well…” Giles hesitated. “That might be true. But…”

“But, nothing!” Buffy glared at him. “Is there another Slayer out there that I haven’t heard about?”

Giles looked confused. “I beg your pardon?” When Buffy didn’t repeat her question, just looked at him patiently, he shook his head. “Of course not. The only way a new Slayer can be called is for the old Slayer to die. You know that.”

“Then we’re safe.” Buffy gave him a stubborn look. “Spike could never love a vampire; you have to be crazy to think…”

“I believe you are correct.” Wesley interrupted her, causing Buffy to frown. Then she smiled.

“Thanks, Wes! Maybe you’re not so bad after all, I…”

Wesley went on, ignoring her; “But he may not have a say in the matter.”

Buffy became quiet for a moment, then looked from Wesley to Giles. “What are you…?”

“Think about it.” Wesley looked her directly in the eyes. “Drusilla is a very powerful vampire. We know she possesses the power of thrall, an ability unknown to most vampires. That means she is able to bend reality after her own wishes.”

“But…” Buffy suddenly looked uncertain. “Are you saying she can make him feel things that aren’t real?”

“Or see things.” Wesley got a thoughtful look on his face. “The book was vague about the possible breaking of the curse. I suppose she could either simply trick him into thinking he is in love with her, or she could use her thrall to appear to him as someone he holds dear, like his mother, or… or…”

“Or me.” Buffy swallowed. Then she shook her head, a hopeful look on her face. “We’re just guessing here, right? I mean, it doesn’t make any sense. You said Drusilla’s had her soul for thirty years. So, why would she suddenly try to get rid of it now?”

“Perhaps…” Wesley hesitated. “We don’t know for sure that she hasn’t tried before. Just because she has never succeeded…” He glanced away, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. “Remember what the book said about seeing what others couldn’t? Perhaps Drusilla gets some kind of visions and are able to find out the identity of the Slayer. There is a possibility she has already tried to get rid of her soul before, and failed.”

“Are you saying…?” Giles removed his glasses. “Do you believe Drusilla may have approached other Slayers before she came to Sunnydale?”

“Or maybe she has already been here before, like three years ago.” Buffy had suddenly become white as a sheet. “Giles, you don’t think…?”

“William…” Giles paled as well. “Oh, dear Lord…”

“Wait a minute…” Wesley shook his head, firmly. “That can’t be. I was informed William was killed during his cruciamentum.” He gave Buffy a questioning look.

Buffy looked down at her feet, swallowing hard. “He was.”

“Actually…” Giles spoke up. “We cannot know that for certain. We just assumed…”

“What are you talking about?” Buffy stared at him in confusion, trying to hold back the tears. “I was there, remember? One of the watchers told me everything, that’s how I knew William was in trouble. I just…” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I was just too late.”

“Yes, we know what they were planning.” Giles looked like he might start crying as well. “But we have no idea who the vampire was who was in that coffin.”

Wesley looked doubtful. “I doubt Drusilla would let herself be captured and locked up in a coffin. Even if she was here back then, and wanted him dead, there would have been easier ways, especially for someone with her abilities. Besides, the soul would prevent her from killing.”

Giles opened his mouth, but was interrupted by Buffy, gasping; “Oh my God!” She grabbed a stake from one of the shelves and rushed towards the door.

“Buffy! Where - where are you…?” Giles stuttered in confusion.

Buffy stopped by the door. “I thought Spike was acting weird earlier. She was there!”

Wesley stared at her, mouth open. “Drusilla? Are you quite certain?”

“She had to be.” Buffy got a grim look on her face. “And if the bitch has so much as touched him, I will kill her, soul or not!”


TBC

“You want to get rid of your soul? Why?” Spike knew he shouldn’t be talking to her; he should just shove the wooden stake through Drusilla’s un-beating heart and be done with it. More importantly; he knew he probably could do it now; she wouldn’t be able to stop him with her thrall anymore. Of course, he couldn’t be absolutely sure the thrall wouldn’t work once he had become aware of it, but he had a feeling it might be working that way.

“Why?” Drusilla glared at him. “Why do you think? I need the pain to stop! Eats me up inside, like worms crawling through my brain, feeding until there’s nothing left but an empty shell. And then…” She paused. “Then they’ll come.” She let out a hollow laugh. “They’ll always come for you when you’re weak. And they will take me with them.” Another pause. “Have you ever wondered what it’s like in hell? I believe the birds are all black. And the tea will taste like ashes.”

“Um…” Spike didn’t know what to say. He had witnessed Drusilla rambling before, but it seemed like she was slipping more and more into the land of craziness, and he wasn’t sure if that would be a good thing or a bad. At the same time he felt almost sorry for her, even though he was still furious at her for what she had tried to make him do. She probably didn’t deserve it, yet he found himself trying to reason with her. “Look, Dru, you don’t have to do this. You can still be good, you haven’t hurt anyone yet. I can…”

Drusilla’s laugh stopped him. “Still thinking you can save me, don’t you? It’s too late. Too much blood on my hands, I can’t take it back.” Before he could interrupt, she added; “With the soul gone, I will not have to. I can finally have peace.”

“So you can hurt and kill even more people?” Spike was starting to get really frustrated. He wasn’t getting through to her at all, and suddenly didn’t think it was even possible. A part of him could understand her, though, could understand the feeling of just wanting the pain to stop. He could help her with that, at least. Taking a step towards her, he raised the stake. “If it’s peace you want, just let me do my job.”

She had been calm so far, so he was not prepared for the sudden fit of rage. The strong blow took him by surprise, causing him to lose the grip of his stake and it clattered to the floor. Drusilla let out a furious growl, her beautiful, yet pale face shifting into the face of a demon. “My Angel wanted me dead as well. Didn’t think I was worthy of him.”

Spike raised a brow. “William tried to kill you? Good for him. Too bad he failed.”

“William?” Drusilla’s face changed back to normal. For a moment she looked confused, then laughed. “William was no angel. His mind was poisoned, just like yours. Poisoned by her.” She got a thoughtful look on her face. “He tried to resist me at first, just like you. Even managed to break free of my thrall. Tried to convince himself that his love for sunshine was strong enough.”

Spike remained quiet, silently urging her to keep talking. He had a feeling that whatever she was saying was important. Also, if she would get lost in her memories of the past, he would have a bigger chance to grab the stake again and finally be able to use it. Hopefully oblivious of what he was thinking, Drusilla went on; “In the end he was weak. He wouldn’t help me, but he kept coming back. He couldn’t stay away; a part of him needed the darkness. At the same time, he knew he shouldn’t.” She smiled a little. “A Slayer is partly made of darkness, you see. Could end up either way.”

Definitely not liking what he was hearing, Spike tried to keep his voice steady when he spoke; “Are you saying a Slayer could change and become evil? Not bloody likely!”

“A Slayer is nothing more than a killer. What you call ‘evil’ is simply a matter of opinion.” Drusilla sighed. “William knew that. A part of him wanted me to turn him.”

Spike stared at her, mouth open. “I don’t believe you!” Then a thought occurred to him. “But that would be impossible, right? A Slayer can’t be turned, the blood…” His voice trailed off; suddenly he didn’t know what to think.

“There is one way.” Drusilla picked up the stake from the floor. “If a Slayer willingly allows a vampire to bite him, then it is possible. I told you before; every Slayer has a death wish. Just like every Slayer secretly longs to see what it’s like to step over to the other side and let the darkness embrace him.”

Spike shook his head in denial. “No! That’s not true. I would never…”

Drusilla went on like she hadn’t heard him. “No thrall can be involved; the Slayer has to make the choice by heart. Only then, his blood will be harmless. Only then, a Slayer can be turned. William knew that as well.”

Swallowing, Spike shook his head again. “William… He…”

“He wanted it.” Drusilla nodded. “He would never admit so, even to himself. But he knew that he would give in, eventually.” She giggled. “It was written in the stars, you see. Miss Edith told me. It was only a matter of time before he would no longer be able to fight it, not even his love for sunshine would be enough to save him.”

Spike glanced at the stake in her hand, trying to figure out what to do with this new-found information. So that’s why William had allowed himself to be killed, to keep from being turned into a vampire by Drusilla. He felt a pang in his chest as the realization hit him, even though he’d never really known his cousin, he could suddenly feel William’s fear and desperation just like it had been his own. William must have known that the first thing he would do once he had been turned was to seek out and kill the love of his life; Buffy. And he couldn’t let that happen. Even without his Slayer powers, William might have been able to fight the vampire. Unless he hadn’t really made any efforts.

“My Angel said I shouldn’t waste my time on you.” Drusilla’s smile disappeared. “He was right. You can’t help me.” She paused, then the smile was back. “Maybe I will have better luck with the next Slayer.”

Eyes on the stake still in her hand, Spike snorted. “So that’s it, you’re gonna kill me? Right. Forget something here, pet? As long as you have the soul, you won’t be able to hurt me. Not unless you want the bloody worms in your head to have their feast.”

Drusilla’s eyes darkened. “Don’t worry about me, my sweet Slayer. I will not kill you.”

Spike looked at her in confusion, for a moment forgetting to be on his guard. “Then how do you expect the next Slayer to be called?” She just looked at him, an expectant expression on her face, and when the sharp pain hit him in the back, he never saw it coming. Not able to keep from screaming with pain, he dropped to his knees. Confused and dazed, he stared at the blood on the floor, for a moment not realizing that it was coming from him. Desperately trying not to pass out from the pain, his eyes landed on the second vampire who had stepped out from the shadows behind him. He was tall, with dark hair and wide shoulders, grinning as the blood kept dripping from the sword he was holding.

Giggling madly, Drusilla eagerly clapped her hands. “I won’t have to kill you. My Angel will.”


TBC

“Angel?” Spike desperately struggled to stay conscious. He was painfully aware of the fact that if he would pass out now, he would most likely not wake up again. “You… you’re a vampire, how did you…?” Trying to get up, a wave of nausea hit him and he gasped in pain, falling back down on the floor.

The large, dark-haired vampire rolled his eyes. “I told you, Dru, don’t fucking call me that!” He turned back to Spike. “I prefer Angelus, has a nicer ring to it, don’t you think?” Then he chuckled. “It was nice of you to invite me in, Spike. Not too smart, though, since I’m gonna kill you. But I really appreciate the gesture.”

Spike shook his head in denial. “That’s bollocks, I would never…” Blinking, he realized that his vision was starting to get blurry and found himself wondering how much blood a person could lose before bleeding to death. “I didn’t invite you in.”

“Oh, but you did.” Drusilla giggled again. “But I’m not surprised you don’t remember. I made sure you wouldn’t.”

For a moment, Spike didn’t understand what she was talking about. Then realization hit him. “You put your bloody thrall on me.”

“And we have a winner!” Angelus was grinning, widely. “I simply waited outside, until that little slut of yours had left.” He paused. “Let’s see what the winner gets! Oh, right. Your death.” Drusilla let out a delighted squeal and he went on; “I wanted to kill you the moment you opened the door, but Dru insisted on giving you one last chance to cooperate. Too bad you didn’t take it.” Then he frowned. “Too bad for you, that is. Since it means I’ll get to kill you now, I have to say I’m quite pleased with your decision.”

“Finish it, my Angel. Hurry!” Drusilla pleaded. “I can’t wait to find out what the new Slayer looks like!” Spike tried to stay focused on the female vampire, but had to struggle to keep his eyes open. He was so tired; he just wanted to sleep. But since falling asleep would be a fatal mistake, probably the last mistake he would ever make, he knew that wasn’t an option.

“You know you won’t find the new Slayer right away.” Angelus glanced at Drusilla, looking slightly annoyed. “It took you years to find this one.”

Drusilla let out a furious cry. “But I can’t do this anymore! I need it to be gone!” She started scratching at her chest, whimpering. “Burning, burning inside me like fire…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Angelus snorted in disgust. “Believe me, if I could fuck that damn soul out of you myself, I would.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Drusilla sounded sad. “You wouldn’t touch me now, not with the soul. You despise me.”

“Damn right!” Angelus snarled. “You sired me, and then you let my mother put that fucking thing inside you!”

“Evil witch…” Drusilla pouted. “Killed her, I did. Snapped her neck, like a twig.” She made a snapping sound with her teeth.

“You did.” Angelus nodded in agreement. “But since then, you haven’t killed anyone in thirty years. Been feeding on rodents, like some fucking animal. You’re a disgrace for a vampire and I’m ashamed to call you my Sire.” He paused, ignoring Drusilla’s pitiful moan. “But things are about to change. We’ll get that soul out of you soon, and then we’ll have a feast. And the world will tremble before us, just like it should be.”

Drusilla nodded, eagerly. “Yes! Yes! And then my mind will be whole.”

Grimacing, Angelus turned away from her, mumbling; “Think it’s a bit too late for that.” Then he turned to Spike. “What do you say, Slayer? How ‘bout we just finish this? Any last requests before I kill you?”

“Yeah.” Spike glared at him from his position on the floor. “Get over here, so I can shove that bloody sword up your arse!”

For a moment, Angelus looked outraged. Then he laughed. “Cocky until the bitter end, aren’t you?” He took a step closer. “You know, in a way I owe those bastards who managed to capture me in a moment of weakness, three years ago. I was furious at them for putting me in that coffin, but if it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t have been able to kill my first Slayer. And you know what?” He raised the sword. “I’m really pleased to make you my second.”

Suddenly Drusilla gasped, pressing her fingers against her temples. “No, no…” She let out a moan. “Sunshine’s getting closer. Sunshine’s coming!”

“What?” Angelus stopped and spun around, staring at Drusilla. Then he rolled his eyes. “Not a good time for your games, Dru.”

“No game. I saw her.” Drusilla got a fearful look on her face. “She wants to save the Slayer. She wants to stop you from killing him. Do it, Angel! Do it now!”

“Did you have a vision?” Angelus growled. “Who’s coming?” Drusilla didn’t answer, just kept moaning and whimpering, and it made him furious. “Shut up!” She shifted into gameface, growling at him, and he punched her in the face.

Seeing that for the moment none of the vampires paid any attention to him, Spike glanced at the stake Drusilla had dropped when she had her vision. It was lying on the floor, only a few feet away from him. If only he could reach it, then he might have a chance. Of course, the loss of blood was making him so weak; he doubted he would even be able to lift it. But he had to try. Slowly, he managed to get up on his knees. Then he started crawling towards the stake, praying that he would reach it before one of the vampires would notice him.

Suddenly Angelus spun around. “Don’t even think about it!” The cruel grin was back on the vampire’s face as he delivered a hard kick, hitting Spike in the back of his head.

“Spike! Where are you?!”

Angelus, who had just raised the sword again, cursed loudly at the sound of the female voice, coming from the living room. Drusilla followed his gaze. “Sunshine’s here. Kill her for me, Angel. Kill them both!”

Before Angelus could say anything, Buffy came running into the room. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the two vampires, realizing that the female one had to be Drusilla. Then her eyes landed on Spike, lying on the floor, face down in a puddle of blood. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, and she let out a gasp. “No, no, no…” Before she even got the chance to react, Angelus had thrown himself at her, pinning her against the wall. She closed her eyes, not bothering to fight back. Spike was dead, those bastards had killed him. He was gone, just like William. Holding her breath, she waited for the sharp pain when the vampire would sink his fangs into her flesh. But it didn’t come. Instead she heard a roar of pain. And then a familiar voice.

“Buffy!”

Her eyes snapped open. The large vampire who had been standing in front of her mere seconds ago was gone. All that remained was a small pile of dust on the floor, next to her feet. Slowly she turned towards the door, seeing Giles lowering a large crossbow. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a cry of anguish, coming from the second vampire. The next thing Buffy knew was the sound of glass breaking as Drusilla jumped right through the closed window, desperate to avoid ending up like her dead childe. Giles quickly raised his weapon again, but it was too late. The female vampire had disappeared into the night.

“Buffy, are you…?” Giles took a step towards her, then stopped as he noticed Spike’s still form on the floor. “Oh dear Lord…”

Buffy slowly walked over to Spike and dropped to her knees beside him. She reached out her hand to touch him, but withdrew it before making contact. Then she started shaking her head in denial. “No… Giles…” Tears finally started filling her eyes as she looked up at the man who had been like a father to her for more than three years. “Giles, he’s dead.”


TBC

Buffy scrambled to her feet without a word, heading for the door. Giles snapped out of the shock and grabbed her arm to stop her. “Where-where are you…?”

She gave him a cold look. “Let go of me, Giles. I have to go now, or it’ll be too late!”

“Go where? Buffy…” He stopped, understanding dawning on him. “No. No, I won’t let you do it. I forbid you.”

Buffy glared at him, refusing to give in to the grief threatening to consume her. All she allowed herself to feel for the moment was a blinding fury, and hate for the female vampire, hell, for all vampires. “She’s getting away!”

Taking a deep breath, Giles gently took her hand. “Buffy, she is already gone.” Seeing her swallowing hard, he went on; “I promise you, my dear, Drusilla will pay for this. But if you go after her now, like this, you will die. Believe me; you are not thinking straight right now and she will know you are vulnerable.” Buffy stared at him, angrily, her bottom lip starting to tremble. A tear rolled down her cheek and Giles felt like his own heart was breaking at the sight of her.

“He has a pulse!” Giles frowned at the sound of Wesley’s voice, for the first time realizing that the other Watcher had arrived as well. Now the dark-haired man looked up from his position on the floor where he was kneeling next to Spike. “It is weak, but it’s there. He is still alive.” Giles just stared at him, dumbfounded, then looked at his nephew. Wesley gave him a patient look. “Giles, call 911. Now!”

“Yes-yes, of course!” Giles finally seemed to snap out of it and rushed out of the room in search for a phone.

Buffy let out a shuddering breath, looking at Wesley with tear-filled eyes. “He’s dead.”

The Watcher had removed his jacket, which he was now pressing against the large wound in Spike’s back in an attempt to stop the bleeding, or at least slow it down. Now he looked at her in surprise, shaking his head. “No, he’s not. Not yet.”

She didn’t seem to hear him as she went on, and he could see that she was shaking; “I was too late, again. Should’ve known…”

Wesley glanced towards the door, desperately hoping Giles would return. It was obvious that the girl was going into shock, and he had no idea how to handle the situation. Books and paperwork; those were the things he knew. But dealing with people was a whole different matter. He had gone through life so far with the constant feeling of never fitting in, when all he had ever wanted was to be accepted for who he was. But his father had made it perfectly clear to him, again and again over the years, how worthless he really was. He supposed it was only natural that other people would notice it as well. And truth be told, he hadn’t exactly done anything to convince them otherwise.

Buffy had backed up against the wall and now slid down to the floor, shaking her head in denial. “He’s gone, just like William. They all leave…” She buried her face in her hands.

Wesley watched her carefully, once again glancing over his shoulder in hope of seeing the older man. Then he sighed. Clearly, he was on his own. “Um, Buffy?” No response. He cleared his throat. “The ambulance is on its way. They should be here soon.” She raised her head, but seemed to be looking right through him. Wesley frowned. “Buffy?” Still no reaction.

Images and flashbacks rushed through her mind, and once again Buffy had withdrawn into herself. But this time it was different. When William had died, she had kept clinging to him and refused to take in the fact that he was really gone. Desperately, she had retreated into a world where they were still happy and together, where no one would ever be able to take that away from her. But now, all she knew was pain and despair. As if losing William hadn’t been enough; now Spike was gone as well. She had been right all along; she just wasn’t meant to love.

Allowing herself to fall in love with Spike had been a mistake, she realized that now. But she had, nevertheless, and she hadn’t even gotten the chance to say the words to his face. And now it was too late. She never should have opened up to him in the first place, she should’ve just kept to herself and pushed him away, instead of fooling herself into thinking that maybe she wasn’t doomed to a life in loneliness and misery after all. Because she was. And she couldn’t go through that kind of pain and grief again. Her only option now was to once again escape from the cruel world. And this time she couldn’t go back. Ever.

“Buffy, did you hear what I just said?” Wesley’s concern grew bigger by the minute. It was obvious that Buffy wasn’t listening to him and by the look of it, she wasn’t even aware of his presence anymore. It wasn’t like the others had bothered to say anything to him; they mostly seemed to be talking around him, but he had understood from their vague comments regarding the death of the former Slayer that Buffy had reacted in a similar way back then. He swallowed, nervously. “Things are looking rather dark right now, I’m aware of that, but it’s not too late. Do you hear me?”

Still nothing. Wesley’s concern turned into frustration. “For the love of God, Buffy, snap out of it, please! Spike is still alive!” For a brief moment, he thought he could see the slightest spark of hope flicker in her eyes, then it was gone and he wasn’t sure if he had just imagined it. But he decided to make another attempt of getting through to her. “I can feel his pulse, although it’s very weak. Come here and feel for yourself.” He held his breath as he waited for a reaction.

“Too late.” Rocking back and forth, Buffy started mumbling again; “Too late, always too late…”

Wesley wanted to walk over to her and shake her, or possibly slap her, to force her out of the near catatonic state, but didn’t dare leaving Spike. Someone had to keep the pressure on the wound, until the paramedics would show up. Where in God’s name was Giles?! He sighed again, deciding to try a different tactic. “Buffy, I can understand what you are doing, believe me. If anyone should know about taking the easy way out, it’s me. I have been doing it my whole life. But sooner or later, we all have to face the truth. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we want. But the one thing we can never allow ourselves to lose is hope.”

He paused, realizing that Buffy had become completely still. Having no idea if he was getting through to her or not, he went on anyway: “I understand that when you lost William, you lost a part of yourself. And now you feel like it’s happening all over again, like destiny is repeating itself without you being able to do anything about it. But it’s not true. It doesn’t have to be like that. It’s not too late this time.” He could suddenly hear the sound of sirens, coming from outside, and prayed he was right.

“It is.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper and he had to struggle to hear what she was saying. Then he realized that she was finally looking at him, really looking. Tears started welling up in her eyes. “I couldn’t help him.”

“You’re right.” Wesley nodded in agreement, just as the paramedics entered the room. “But there’s still a chance they might.”


TBC

“Buffy?” Giles put his hand gently on her shoulder, causing her to jump. “Are you all right, dear?”

She looked up. “Heard anything yet?”

Giles frowned at the way she avoided his question, but decided to let it go. “As a matter of fact, I just spoke with one of the doctors.” He hesitated. “Why don’t we go back to the others?” He gestured towards the waiting area where Wesley, Willow, Tara, and Xander were waiting. Anya had offered to stay at the Magic Box with Dawn, claiming hospitals made her depressed because of all the sick people. “I’m quite sure they would want to…”

“How is he? Is he gonna be okay?” Buffy interrupted him.

Giles watched her carefully, then nodded. “Well, according to the doctor, he will be just fine. He has lost a lot of blood, but other than that…” He paused. “Thank the Lord for Slayer healing!”

Buffy let out the breath she had been holding. “Is he awake? I wanna see him.” She started to get up, but Giles put his hand on her arm to stop her.

“Yes, of course, but first I would like to speak to you.” He went on before she could object. “You have to forgive me, but I am deeply concerned about how you are dealing with what happened tonight. I spoke with Wesley earlier and…”

“I’m fine, Giles.” Buffy gave him a cold look. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I wanna see Spike.”

Giles had a concerned expression on his face. “I understand. But Buffy…” He was quiet for a moment. “I’m terribly sorry for bringing this up, but do you remember what we talked about the other night? This is exactly why…”

“Don’t!” Buffy glared at him for a moment, then looked away. “You were right, okay? Does that make you happy?”

Sighing, Giles shook his head. “Buffy…”

Buffy didn’t let him finish. “Would you please go tell the others that he’s gonna be okay?” Giles opened his mouth, then closed it again and nodded. “Thank you.” With that she turned around and left, leaving Giles to look after her with a frown on his face.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You guys think Spike’s gonna be okay?” Willow looked at the others, her eyes finally landing on her girlfriend, who was sitting next to her.

Tara gave her a small smile and gently took her hand. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, sweetie.”

Willow sighed. “I can only imagine how Buffy’s feeling right now. She must be so scared. I just wish there was something we could do.” Tara nodded and gave her hand a small squeeze.

Xander gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about? Why would Buffy be more worried than the rest of us?”

Wesley spoke up. “Well, it appears that Buffy and Spike have been… involved, for a while now.”

Xander stared at him, dumbfounded. “They’ve been what?!” Then he snorted, shaking his head in denial. “You’re wrong, watcher-boy. Buffy knows better than to hook up with another Slayer.” He glanced at Willow and Tara. “Right?”

Willow stared at him in disbelief. “You’re telling me you hadn’t figured it out? Are you blind? It’s been so obvious! With the looks they’ve been giving each other and the sparring and the… did I mention the looks? They’re so doing it!” Tara nodded in agreement.

“But…” Xander’s mouth opened and closed like a fish on land. “You all knew about this? How come no one told me?!”

Willow rolled her eyes. “It’s not like anyone’s told us, either.” She paused. “I haven’t seen Buffy this upset since…”

“William.” Tara nodded. “Poor Buffy. She must feel like it’s happening all over again.”

“Whoa, whoa, hold on!” Xander looked from Willow to Tara. “Buffy loved William. Are you saying she loves Spike?” The two girls just looked at him. He shook his head, as if to clear it. “But… does that mean she’s gonna lose it again? Last time she didn’t speak for a year!”

Willow glared at him. “She’s not gonna lose it!”

“Of course not!” Xander quickly raised his hands in defense. “I just meant…” He hesitated. “If Buffy reacted like that after losing the love of her life, would she survive if it happened again?”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy opened the door and peeked into the small room. Taking a deep breath, she finally stepped inside. She walked over to the hospital bed and sat down, carefully. “Spike?” She swallowed as she noticed how pale he looked and realized how close she had been of losing him.

He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times. “Buffy?” He reached out a hand towards her and she took it immediately. “You okay, pet?”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Am I okay?! God, Spike, do you have any idea…?” She stopped, struggling to get her emotions under control and forced a small smile. “The doctor said you’re gonna be just fine. How’re you feeling?”

Spike shrugged and gave her a weak smile, although it came out more like a grimace. “Like I’ve been hit by a bloody truck.” Then he frowned as the memories started to come back. “Drusilla?”

Her smile disappeared. “She’s… still out there. Giles killed the other one.” She paused. “I would’ve gone after her, but Giles stopped me.”

Spike’s eyes widened and his grip on her hand tightened. “Buffy, you can’t do that! She’s too strong. Promise me you’ll stay away from her!”

“What?!” Buffy jumped up from the bed. “If you think for one second that I’m gonna let her get away with this…”

Spike shifted on the bed, the movement causing him to wince in pain. “I mean it, Buffy; I don’t want you anywhere near her.” He gave her a firm look. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Yeah?” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “And how exactly are you planning to do that?” She went on before he could say anything; “Last time you tried to ‘take care of it’, you nearly got yourself killed!”

Spike closed his eyes for a moment. “Buffy…” He sighed. “I’m sorry, luv. I didn’t mean to lie to you before, I just…”

“I know. She made you do it, I don’t blame you.” Buffy swallowed. “Spike…” She hesitated. “Look, I should leave you alone; you need to get some rest.” He opened his mouth to object, but she raised her hand to stop him. “Really, I gotta go. I’m sorry.” She looked down at her feet, not wanting to see the hurt look on his face. Also, she didn’t want him to see the tears in her eyes.

“Right.” Spike nodded, desperately trying not to let his disappointment show. “Don’t know how long they’re gonna keep me here. Are you coming back tomorrow?” For some reason, he was afraid of what her answer would be.

Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Of course.” She hesitated. “Look, maybe we should…” Then she stopped, not wanting to finish the sentence. But she knew it had to be done. “Maybe… maybe we should just take a break for a while.” He just stared at her, and she hurried to add; “I mean, we can still be friends and I’m not saying we have to stop seeing each other completely. But I don’t think I can…” She swallowed. “I can’t be in a relationship. Not again. I’m sorry.” It nearly broke her heart to say those words, but she had to force herself to be strong, even if it meant she would be alone and miserable for the rest of her life. She loved Spike, so much, but she had almost lost him tonight and she couldn’t deal with that kind of pain again. It would kill her.

When he didn’t say anything, she gave him a pleading look. “Please, say something.”

He looked away. “Get out.”

Tears started rolling down her face, but she didn’t notice. “Spike…”

Spike finally turned his head towards her and she could see tears in his eyes as well. He glared at her. “I said, get out! And don’t bother coming back. Just stay the hell away from me.”

A sob escaped her throat and she nodded in defeat. “I’m so sorry…” He didn’t answer, just turned away from her. For a moment Buffy just stood there, not knowing what to do. All she wanted was to crawl into the bed with him and beg him to hold her and never let go. Instead she slowly backed out of the room and closed the door quietly behind her.


TBC

“Buffy? May I have a word with you?” Giles gave her a questioning look before sitting down next to her on the couch.

She let out a sigh. “What’s up, Giles?”

“Um…” He hesitated. “How are you feeling?” She just shrugged. “You do know that Spike is going to be all right. They insisted on keeping him at the hospital for a couple of days, but I’ve been told it’s simply for observation. He will be right as rain, and it’s just a matter of time before he will be home again.”

“I know.” Buffy slumped back into the couch. “Yay for Slayer healing.”

Giles frowned. “I would’ve thought you’d be a little more enthusiastic.”

“I am.” She gave him a forced smile.

He didn’t look convinced. “Is there something else bothering you?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Nope. I’m thrilled. Can’t you tell? I’m just peachy. Peachy Buffy.”

“I see.” Giles was quiet for a moment, then obviously decided to let it go. Instead, he changed the subject. “Buffy, I owe you an apology. I’ve had some time to think, and I realize I’ve been too hard on you regarding your relationship with Spike.” Buffy just stared at him and he went on; “You have to understand, I only had your best interests in mind and I love you like a daughter. But I don’t have the right to tell you who you can or cannot be with. I was wrong, and I admit it.” He paused. “I still don’t think I could bear to see you hurt so much again, but I realize now that it’s not my decision to make. If you and Spike are really in love, then I won’t stand in your way. You have my word.”

“Now you’re telling me.” Buffy jumped up, angrily, and started pacing the room.

Giles looked confused. “I beg your pardon?”

Buffy stopped, giving him a hard look. “It’s over between me and Spike. I thought you’d be jumping for joy.”

“Oh?” Giles got up from the couch and walked over to her, putting his hand softly on her arm. “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask what happened?” Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it again. Instead of answering, her face crumpled and she simply burst into tears. For a moment, Giles was at a loss for what to do. Then he put his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the couch. He reached into his pocket and offered her a handkerchief, which she gratefully accepted.

“Thanks.” She wiped at her eyes and blew her nose. Then she leaned back on the couch with a sigh. “Giles, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to tell myself that I did the right thing, but if that’s true, then how come I feel so bad?”

“I take it you were the one who ended your relationship, yes?” She nodded. “May I ask what caused you to make that decision?”

Buffy sniffled a little. “Spike almost got killed last night, Giles. I don’t think I could survive if I lost him, too. That’s why I told him that I couldn’t be in a relationship. I can’t go through all that pain again, I just can’t.”

Giles nodded in understanding. “So, you don’t love him anymore then?”

“Of course I do!” Buffy glared at him. “I’m not a machine; I can’t just turn off my feelings!”

He got a confused look on his face. “So, you assume it would hurt less to lose him if you weren’t in a relationship? But you would still have strong feelings for him?”

“I… well…“ Buffy suddenly looked uncertain.

Giles went on; “So if, God forbid, Spike would get killed next week, or tomorrow, you would be okay with it? It wouldn’t be painful?”

Buffy stared at him in shock, then tears started welling up in her eyes again. “Of course it would be painful! I would be crushed! Losing him now would hurt just as much as…” She stopped with a frown as realization hit her. “Oh God…”

“Buffy…” Giles gently took her hand. “I’ve never told you this, but after losing Jenny - William’s mother, I promised myself to never let myself fall in love with another woman. I couldn’t risk getting my heart broken again; it just didn’t seem worth it.” Buffy looked at him with wide eyes as he went on; “I don’t want to believe I’m that old, and it may still be time for me to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. But because of my fears, I’ve spent a great part of my life alone.” He paused. “Life is short, Buffy, and it’s all about taking chances. And if you are too afraid to do so, then you’re not really living. Don’t make the same mistakes I have.”

Buffy was silent for a couple of minutes, allowing his words to sink in. “I do love Spike. And if I have to choose between being with him for as long as I can, or not at all…” She swallowed. “I wanna be with him. But I’m still afraid.”

“That is understandable.” Giles nodded. “But the question is, are you too afraid to take the chance?”

She looked down at her hands. “I don’t know. Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter anymore, it’s too late. Spike hates me now.”

Giles gave her a soft smile. “I find that very hard to believe.”

“You weren’t there.” Buffy blinked away new tears, angry with herself for not being able to stop crying. “He was so mad at me; I doubt he would ever wanna see me again. And I can’t blame him. God, Giles, I broke up with him when he was in the hospital! What kind of horrible person am I?!” She started sobbing.

“Buffy…” Giles removed his glasses. “I don’t know Spike all that well yet, but I do know he’s a good man. He may be angry and hurt right now, but I do believe his feelings for you are the same as before. Just give him a chance, and tell him exactly how you feel. It might take a while, but I’m sure he will forgive you eventually.”

The fear in Buffy’s eyes was impossible to miss. “What if he won’t?” Giles just looked at her, and she sighed. “I guess I’ll find out. Do you mind giving me a ride back to the hospital?”


TBC

“Anything else you need, Spike? Cause I’d be happy to… Oh, let me fluff that pillow for you!” The young, smiling nurse batted her long eyelashes and started towards him, eager to get a reason to stay in the room with him a little longer.

Spike rolled his eyes, more annoyed than happy with the unwanted attention. “Oh, for the love of…”

That was how far he got until the blonde woman sat down on the bed next to him, insisting she would stay and keep him company. “I would feel terrible knowing you’d be lying here all alone. Lucky for you, my shift just ended. I can stay here all night!” She gave him a bright smile.

Spike’s eyes widened. “Um, I really don’t think…”

“Look, Spike…” She giggled a little and ran her fingers through her long hair. “That’s a really interesting name, by the way. My name is Harmony. But I won’t mind if you’d address me as Nurse Kendall.” She paused, giving him a flirtatious smile. “In fact, I think I prefer it. You know, ‘cause that way I could be the naughty nurse, and you could be my…”

“Excuse me! Am I interrupting something?” Buffy was standing in the doorway, not looking happy at all.

Harmony glared at the unwanted visitor, obviously upset at the interruption. “You know, visiting hours are over. You should leave at once; you don’t want Doctor Backer to find you in here.”

Buffy ignored her and stepped into the room. “Spike, we need to talk.”

If Spike was surprised to see her, he didn’t let it show. “Do we now?”

“Well, yes.” Buffy got an uncertain look on her face, then glanced at Harmony. “Do you mind?” Harmony remained where she was; on the bed, and Buffy had to resist the urge to simply walk over to her and wipe that flirty smile off her face. That skanky ho-bag was sitting way to close to Spike and it made Buffy see red. How dared that bitch practically throw herself at her man?!

Harmony gave Spike a sweet smile. “Do you want me to call security, blondiebear?”

Spike cringed at the ridiculous nickname, but kept his eyes on Buffy. “No, that won’t be necessary. You can go now.”

Harmony’s face fell. “But…”

“I said, you can go.” Spike gave her a warning look.

“Fine!” Harmony glared at him. “If that’s the way you want it, I’ll just go!” Buffy raised a brow, suddenly looking almost amused. Spike just looked annoyed. Jumping off the bed, Harmony angrily hurried towards the door. Before she left, she turned around to look at him one more time. “You’ve had your chance. When you’ll start feeling bad for how you treated me just now and wish you hadn’t sent me away, I probably won’t come back!” Then she spun around again and left the room.

Spike shook his head in disbelief, then slumped back down on the bed. Buffy slowly walked over to him, glancing over her shoulder. “They actually let just anyone work here, don’t they? A brain’s obviously not even required.” She chuckled a little, then became serious. “Spike…”

“What are you doing here?” He gave her a cold look.

Buffy frowned. “I told you, we need to talk. Isn’t that why you got rid of her? So we could…” She hesitated before finishing, weakly; “…you know… talk.”

“Been looking for a reason to get rid of that bint for more than an hour.” Spike looked away.

Swallowing, Buffy stopped, a few feet away from the bed. “Look, I’m really sorry about…”

“Don’t!” Spike glared at her. “You’ve made your decision; you want nothing to do with me. I really don’t need you to come back here and rub my face in it.”

“No, that’s not why…!” Buffy took a deep breath, determined not to start crying again. She had expected Spike to be angry at her, but she hadn’t been prepared for how much it would actually hurt. “Spike, I didn’t want to break up with you before.”

He just snorted. “Funny, could’ve fooled me.”

“I was just scared!” Buffy choked back a sob. “You have to understand…”

“Actually, I don’t.” Spike interrupted her. “This is all about you, isn’t it? I don’t know why you came back here, but I don’t bloody care anymore. You can’t just whack me back and forth like a rubber ball, expecting me to still be there every single time. You keep playing with my feelings and then expect me to just forgive you, but guess what? I’ve had enough!”

“But I didn’t mean to, I just…” Buffy hesitated. “If you’d just listen to me… I do know what I want. I want you.” And she meant it; she had never been so sure about anything in her entire life. Suddenly she couldn’t understand that she had been so afraid of getting hurt again that she was actually willing to let this man go. Giles was right; if you were too afraid of taking chances in life, you weren’t really living at all. And she hadn’t been living, she knew that now. Not for the last three years, anyway. God, how she wanted to start living again!

Spike stared at her in disbelief. “Really? And you figured that out just about an hour after you so tactfully… what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh, right. Dumped me!”

“I’m sorry!” Buffy angrily wiped away a tear. “I know I was selfish and cruel and… and stupid. Please, just give me a chance to explain!”

He shook his head. “Bit too late for that. Nothing you could say now would make a difference. Just leave, will ya? And have a nice life.” He rolled over, so he was facing away from her.

Buffy was silent for almost a minute. A part of her wanted to demand him to listen to her. But something told her that it was probably not a good idea. Then she considered just leaving. But for some reason, her feet wouldn’t let her walk away. She decided to give it one more try. “Spike, I love you.” The words were out of her mouth before she had realized she had spoken them, and her eyes widened. She knew it was the truth, but she had never expected to be able to say it so easily. Now she just waited for his reaction.

“What?!” He struggled to sit up; glaring at her as he finally faced her. “Why are you saying that?”

“Why?!” Buffy suddenly got angry. Didn’t he realize what saying those words meant to her? “Why do you think? Because it’s true!”

Spike was quiet for a moment. “Is that so? And what do you want me to say to that?”

“Please, say that you’ll listen to what I have to say.” Buffy gave him a pleading look, and when she went on, her voice was barely more than a whisper; “You do still love me, don’t you?”

Spike watched her, thoughtfully, then let out a tired sigh. “What if I said no?”


TBC

Buffy stared at him. “Are you saying you don’t…?”

Sighing, Spike interrupted her, repeating his words; “If I said no, would you accept it and leave if I asked you to?”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again, swallowing. She was about to say yes; she would respect his wishes. But then she realized that she couldn’t. “No.”

Spike looked at her in disbelief. “No?” He nodded in understanding. “I was right then. This is all about you. You don’t even care…”

Ignoring his interruption, Buffy went on; “Because if you’d tell me you didn’t love me anymore, you’d be lying. Either to me, or to yourself. And I won’t accept that.”

His brow went up, and he let out a snort. “And how the bloody hell would you know that? Don’t flatter yourself, luv. You’re not that special.”

Buffy had to remind herself that he had a reason for being upset with her and that she shouldn’t let his hurtful words get to her. Deep down, she knew he didn’t really mean it. But still, hearing him say those things nearly broke her heart. And she could understand, all too well, how he had felt when she broke up with him. Right now, she would’ve given just about anything to be able to turn back time a couple of hours, to get a chance to make things right again. Then she would definitely handle the situation differently. Now they were both miserable, and it was all her fault.

She took a deep breath. “I know you wouldn’t just stop loving me. Giles asked me earlier if I didn’t love you anymore. I told him that I’m not some machine that can turn off my feelings whenever I want to. Neither are you.” She paused. “He made me realize what an idiot I was. I never should’ve broken up with you just because I was afraid of getting hurt again.”

“Yeah?” Spike rolled his eyes. “Well, you did, and you’ll have to live with that.” He sighed. “Buffy, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep fooling myself into thinking that I’ll ever be enough for you. We both know the truth.”

Buffy frowned. “And that would be…?”

He looked her right in the eyes. “You want me to be him.”

“I… what?!” She stared at him in shock. “That’s ridiculous! I would never…”

Spike sighed again. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t do anything to have him back.”

Buffy kept staring at him, mouth open, then finally looked away. “I can’t. But…” She stopped, seeing that he was about to interrupt. “Just hear me out! It’s true that I would do anything to have William back, alive. Because what happened to him was wrong, and a part of me will always love him. I miss him every day. But I’m not in love with him anymore. I’m in love with you.”

He was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. That’s only because he’s not here. If he was, you wouldn’t even look my way.”

“If William was still here, you wouldn’t be.” Buffy gave him a patient look. “You’d still be in London and we would never have met.”

“Yeah, well…” Spike hesitated, obviously not sure of what to say to that. “Might’ve been better that way. You’d still have the love of your life, and I…” Instead of finishing the sentence, he merely shrugged.

“Maybe William wasn’t the love of my life.” For a moment, Buffy couldn’t believe she had actually just said that. Then she realized that it was true, and tears of sadness welled up in her eyes. Sure, she had loved William, with all her heart. He had been her first love. But he was gone now, and she had been forced to move on without really wanting to; for years she had refused to let go of the past. And suddenly she realized that she had moved on, not only because she had to if she wanted to stay sane, but because she was finally ready to love again. She also knew that if William had known, he would’ve been happy for her.

“Spike, I can’t promise you that we would’ve ended up together if William was still around. But who knows? Maybe this was meant to happen all along.” She slowly walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, praying that he wouldn’t object.

He didn’t. Instead he gave her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

Buffy had thought about it before, but this was the first time she had to put words to those thoughts. She wasn’t entirely sure how. “Well, the fact that William died and you got called as the new Slayer. As far as I know, that’s never happened before. The two of you being related, I mean. Giles was in a state of shock for days when he found out.” She paused. “Makes you wonder…”

Spike still looked confused. “Not quite sure I’m followin’, pet.”

She tried to explain. “I’m not saying I believe that William was supposed to get killed by that vampire just so you would get called and come here, because that would be awful, not to mention wrong in so many ways, but maybe they wanted to make sure something good would come out of it.”

He just stared at her. “Who?”

“The Powers That Be.” She had to smile at the blank look on his face. “Never took your time to actually read the Slayer’s handbook, did you?” He just grimaced, and she went on; “The Powers That Be are the highest of all the higher beings. Giles says they exist on a different plane and are responsible for everything that happens in every single dimension, good and evil.”

“Higher beings?” Spike got a skeptical expression on his face. “Sounds a bit too unbelievable if you ask me.”

Buffy snorted. “Right. Unlike the existence of vampires and other normal demons, you mean?”

“Well…” He frowned. “Okay, I see your point.” She smiled a little. Spike suddenly felt like his head was spinning. When he had first seen Buffy again, all he could think of was how he wanted to hurt her the way she had hurt him. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but his pride was important to him; it was something he had never completely lost, even after everything that had happened over the years. Then she had turned his entire world upside-down by saying three little words he had stopped hoping he would ever get to hear from her. He had been ready to give up, but now he didn’t know what to think. Because she was right; no matter what he said, he still loved her.

“Spike, I know you’re not William.” Her bottom lip started trembling. “I don’t want you to be him. That’s not why I fell in love with you.” She hesitated. “I know I hurt you before, and I’m so sorry. I can only give you my word that it won’t happen again. Just give me a second chance. Please?”

Spike just looked at her for a moment. Then he sighed. He could feel a headache coming up; even with his Slayer healing, he was still a little weak from the blood loss and he felt like he hadn’t slept in weeks. A part of him wanted nothing more than to take Buffy in his arms and promise her everything would be okay. But he just wasn’t sure he would survive if his heart got broken by her again. For the first time, he actually wondered if it was really worth it. “I don’t know.” He could see the exact moment her face fell, but forced himself to be strong. “I need some time to think about this.”

Buffy was silent for a moment, then nodded in defeat. “I understand.” She paused. “I’ll just… leave, then.” Slowly, she got up from the bed, like she wanted to give him a chance to change his mind, then, when he didn’t say anything, let out a miserable sigh. “I guess I’ll see you around.” She let out a shaky breath before finally leaving the room.

Spike resisted the urge to call out for her, begging her to come back. He told himself that he was doing the right thing, but the truth was that watching her leave was, without doubt, one of the hardest things he had ever done. Leaning back down on the small hospital bed, he closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep. But even with his eyes closed, he could still see the miserable look on Buffy’s face. He wasn’t sure of how long he just lay there, tossing and turning, until he finally felt himself starting to drift away. Suddenly he felt the bed shift, and his eyes snapped open. The sight that met him caused him to gasp in surprise. Eyes widening, he shook his head in denial. “You-you’re not supposed to be here.”

The visitor raised a brow, looking amused. “Is that so? And why’s that?”

Spike’s eyes narrowed as he watched the brown-haired man sitting on his bed. He blinked a couple of times, but the man was still there. “Well, for one thing, you’re supposed to be…” He paused. “What’s the word I’m looking for again? Oh, right. Dead!”

“Yes, I know. But seriously, mate, don’t tell me you’re actually surprised to see me?” William smirked. “After all, this is the Hellmouth.”


TBC

Spike struggled to sit up, giving his supposedly dead cousin a suspicious look. “What the bloody hell’s going on? You a vampire?” William opened his mouth to say something, but Spike beat him to it; “Right, a Slayer can’t be turned. Forgot about that. A ghost then?” Just my luck, he thought.

William seemed to be offended by that. “I most certainly am not! Ghosts are bloody stupid. They spend an eternity hanging on to what’s lost and refuse to move on.” He got a thoughtful look on his face. “Although, haunting the locals could be fun sometimes, I suppose. But that’s not the point. I’m not a ghost.”

“Right.” Spike nodded. “So, this is a dream then? One of those soddin’ Slayer dreams?”

“I guess you could call it that.” William shrugged. “Not entirely true, though. Actually, what you refer to as Slayer dreams are in fact not really dreams at all. But since you mortals need to have a logical explanation for everything, let’s just go with that.”

Spike gave him a confused look. “If they’re not dreams, what are they?”

“Some would call them visions.” William grimaced. “Not me, though. Sounds way too poncy. I prefer to call them messages. After all, that’s what it really is. Messages from the higher realms. We just happen to receive them while we’re sleeping. Don’t ask me why.”

“Okay…” Spike was still confused, but decided to let it go. “So, why’re you here? Come to warn me ‘bout some Big Bad I have to face in order to save the world? You know, for Christmas and puppies and all that rot?”

William got an amused look on his face. “Nothing quite so dramatic, I’m afraid.” He paused. “I’ve been watching you for a while now… since you got called, actually.”

“You, what?!” Spike’s eyes widened. “Ever heard of bloody privacy?!”

“Dead here, Spike.” William gave him a patient look. “I should be entitled to have some fun, don’t you think?”

“Sure.” Spike glared at him. “Just not at my expense.”

“Whatever.” William rolled his eyes and started towards the door. “Come with me, I want you to see something.”

Spike stared at him. “In case you hadn’t noticed, mate, I’m in the bloody hospital! I can’t just get up and leave.” Then he realized that since this was really just a dream - it was, right? - he could probably do whatever he wanted. However, he wasn’t sure he really wanted to see whatever it was William wanted to show him.

“Sure you can.” William raised a brow, a challenging look on his face. “But if you’re too afraid…” He left the rest of the sentence hanging.

“Oh bloody hell! Fine!” Letting out an annoyed sigh, Spike got up from the bed and grabbed his duster from a nearby chair. “Lead the way, then.” He followed William through the door, then stopped abruptly on the other side. “Whoa! Not that I actually remember much of this place, being unconscious and all, but why do I get the feeling we’re not in the hospital anymore?” He paused. “That, or they’ve done some serious redecorating.”

“Really, luv. Thought you’d be a lot more difficult to take down.”

Spike was suddenly standing in the training room at the Magic Box, staring at himself, who was straddling Buffy on the floor. Blushing, he glanced at William who had appeared behind him. He couldn’t understand why they had to come here of all places. The couple on the floor just stared at each other for a moment, then they started kissing.

William cleared his throat. “She looks happy, eh?”

Spike turned to look at him. “Yeah, ‘cause she secretly wished she was making out with you.” He could still remember the pain he had felt when Buffy had called him William’s name.

“Right, that…” William couldn’t help but smirk, then became serious. “Really, she was just… confused.” Rolling his eyes, Spike turned his attention back to the blonde couple. William chuckled. “Seriously, don’t tell me you’re still upset about that?”

“Wouldn’t you be?!” Spike glared at him. “And why are we watching this? Brought me here to gloat, is that it? Wanna show me how stupid I was, thinking I could ever compete with you?”

“It’s not a bloody competition.” William sighed. “You don’t get it, do you? Look at her.” Reluctantly, Spike obeyed.

“If you’ve ever cared about me at all…”

“I do! Spike, I…”

“…then you’ll let me go.”

He watched as the other Spike left the room, leaving Buffy sobbing on the floor. Feeling a pang in his chest at the sight of her tears, he glanced at William again. “Why are you showing me this?”

“’Cause you’re being a stupid git, that’s why.” William crossed his arms over his chest. “You love her, she loves you, and you’re ready to let your bleedin’ pride get in the way. Face it, mate, she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“All right, first of all? Get the hell out of my head!” Spike took a step away from his cousin, giving him a wary look. “You don’t know me. And stop talking like me!”

“Of course I know you.” William smirked again. “And has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re the one talking like me? After all, I’m older.”

Spike opened his mouth to object, then closed it again. He sighed. “So, this is all about Buffy?”

“No, it’s about you.” William frowned. “Well, technically it’s about you and Buffy. You’re perfect together, you know that? I’ve never met two more stubborn people in my life. Would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so bloody pathetic.”

“Hey!” Spike’s eyes narrowed. “Who’re you calling pathetic?”

William just chuckled. “Come on.” He headed for the door, not waiting to see if Spike would follow.

Sighing, Spike hurried after, and found himself at the Restfield Cemetery. “Oh balls!” Cursing loudly, he looked down at his bare feet, all covered with mud, and stepped out of the puddle. He glared at William. “You could’ve told me to bring my soddin’ boots!”

“I suppose.” William looked amused. “Wouldn’t have been half as fun, though.”

Spike was just about to come up with some snarky remark, when the sound of fighting caught his attention. He turned around, just in time to see himself shove a wooden stake into the heart of a growling vampire. With a pleased look on his face, he looked at his cousin. “Hey, I’m good!” William didn’t say anything, just raised a brow. Spike turned back to the scene, and rolled his eyes at the sight of Wesley, nervously looking over his shoulder. “Bloody nancy-boy…”

“That ‘nancy-boy’ probably saved your life.” William chuckled at the shocked expression on Spike’s face. “But that’s not why we’re here.” He gestured towards some trees, about fifty feet away. Frowning, Spike started towards where he was pointing.

Buffy was standing behind the trees, a wide smile on her lips. She didn’t take her eyes off the blonde man, who had just dusted three vampires in a row. It was now Spike’s turn to smirk. “Yeah, I’d be turned on by me, too.”

William rolled his eyes. “Show-off!”

The grin on Spike’s face grew wider. “What can I say? I’ve always…” He stopped as he noticed the dark figure, who had just appeared behind Buffy. The blonde girl seemed to sense a presence behind her, but when she spun around, the dark-haired vampire was already gone. He swallowed. “Drusilla.”

Nodding grimly, William started walking again. “Let’s go, mate. Things are just about to get interesting.”


TBC

“I don’t get it.” Spike followed William across the dark cemetery, never once slowing down to take in the surroundings. He supposed William knew exactly where he was taking them. “You said this was about me and Buffy, right? That mean you want us to be together? I thought she was supposed to be the love of your life.” The moment the word ‘life’ had left his mouth, he immediately regretted it. “What I meant was…”

“I know what you meant.” William stopped with a sigh. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? I’m dead now.”

Spike suddenly felt like the biggest git in the world. Then he frowned. Was it possible to hurt a ghost’s feelings?

“I already told you, I’m not a bloody ghost! You’d do well by remembering that.” William glared at him.

“And I told you to stop reading my soddin’ mind!” Spike glared back at his cousin. “How’s that even possible, anyway?”

William just shrugged. “You don’t need to know. Let’s get back to what’s important, shall we?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he went on; “Yes, I loved Buffy, very much. But it doesn’t matter now. I can’t be there for her anymore. That’s where you come in.”

“Right.” Spike snorted, not bothering to keep the hurt out of his voice. “You want me to be your bloody replacement? Forget it! I’m done playing that game.”

“Don’t be daft! That’s not what I’m saying.” William rolled his eyes. “When are you going to get it into your thick head that she loves you?”

“She loves you.” Spike stubbornly kept his eyes on the ground. “I was just…convenient.”

“That’s bollocks and you know it.” William had started walking again and Spike reluctantly followed. “Thing is, Buffy and I were never meant to be together forever. Sure, we were happy for a while, but sooner or later, she would’ve realized that it wouldn’t be enough. I wouldn’t be enough.” He paused. “She might not be aware of it yet, but she needs a little monster in her man.”

Spike stopped abruptly. “Hold on! What are you saying? That she didn’t really love you? That’s just…” He shook his head in disbelief.

“No, I know she loved me.” William gave him a patient look. “I know how much she’s mourned for me. Believe me, if I’d known what it would do to her…” He sighed. “I never wanted her to suffer like that. But what I’m saying is it wouldn’t have lasted. Not forever, anyway.”

“Nothing will last forever,” Spike mumbled, and William chuckled.

“That was deep, mate. However, you’re incorrect. There are some things that will last forever.”

Spike gave him a curious look. “Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” William raised a brow. “True love?”

“Yeah, right.” Spike started walking, then stopped again as he realized that he had no idea in which direction they were supposed to go.

William looked amused, but took the hint and gestured towards a large mausoleum. “We’re almost there. Look, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Then he paused. “No, wait, in a way I did.” Spike just rolled his eyes. “What I meant was,” William went on; “Buffy and I were different in many ways. I never thought it would matter, though. Now I realize I was wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Spike was confused. He had gotten the impression that Buffy and William had been the perfect match.

“I always hated this life.” William saw that Spike was about to interrupt and raised his hand to stop him. “The slaying, I mean. I liked my life pretty good before that. But I could never fully accept the fact that my life had changed, and that it was permanent. Not a day went by without me wishing it was my last fight; that I would wake up the next day and realize it had all just been a dream.”

“Join the club.” Spike stopped in front of the large stone door, leading into the mausoleum. “We suppose to go in here?”

Instead of answering, William easily pushed the door open and motioned for Spike to step inside. “Not the same. Being the Slayer may not have been what you wanted at first, but that has changed now. You enjoy it.”

“That’s not…”

“You enjoyed it. The slaying. You enjoyed it. Admit it.”

“Maybe. What’s that got to do with anything?”

The conversation he’d had with Buffy when they were sparring suddenly flashed through Spike’s mind. She had said the exact same thing. And he hadn’t objected then. So, why do it now? He shrugged. “What if I do?”

“Actually, it’s good. Might help keeping you alive.” William walked over to a sarcophagus and hopped up to sit on it. Spike went to follow, but stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed the man and the woman sitting close together on the floor. The man was him. And the woman… Well, he supposed she was not really a woman at all.

“You want to help me.” Drusilla ran her fingers down his cheek, looking deep into his eyes. “You will not understand it, but you will feel an almost desperate need to help me get my soul back. Because you will be convinced that once I’ve got it, I will help you fight on the good side. Do you understand?”

Spike nodded. “I understand.”

Spike shook his head in denial, turning to William. “I don’t remember this.”

William sighed. “You wouldn’t.” Spike turned his attention back to him and Drusilla.

“You feel like we have something in common.” Drusilla smiled and leaned closer, like she was going to kiss him. “And you will not remember us having this conversation.”

“Yes.” Spike flinched back, slightly, before Drusilla’s lips could brush against his. If he noticed the furious expression on the vampire’s pale face, he had forgotten it a moment later.

“Surprised?” William looked at Spike.

“Not really.” Spike leaned back against the wall with a sigh. “Knew she had me in a thrall somehow. Still, seeing it like this…” He shrugged, trying not to let it show how uncomfortable he really was by all of it. Who knew what else Drusilla had made him forget?

“Don’t worry; you haven’t done anything… really bad. Not like…” William stopped, his eyes suddenly darkening. “We’re done here. Let’s move on.” He jumped off the sarcophagus and headed towards the door. Puzzled, Spike followed.

He had expected to see tombstones when he stepped outside. Instead, he found himself standing inside his own apartment. “I’ll never get used to this.” William smiled a little. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Spike frowned as he watched himself cast a startled look in the direction of the knocking sound.

“Oh, bloody hell! Forgot about Buffy.”

Drusilla casted a glance towards the door as well, then turned back to Spike. “Make her go away.”

“What?” Spike stared at her in confusion. “No!” He paused. “I’ll introduce you to her, then you’re gonna leave.”

“No.” Drusilla ran her fingers down his cheek. “She can’t know I’m here.”

Spike got up. “I don’t know what you’re on about, but I’m not gonna lie to Buffy. If you don’t…” His voice trailed off as he once again found himself looking into those dark, empty eyes.

Spike cringed as the other Spike merely nodded in response to Drusilla’s words and headed over to the door as soon as the vampire had left the room. Not wanting to see himself telling Buffy to leave again, he turned to William. “I don’t wanna do this anymore. I wanna go back.”

“Sorry. Doesn’t work that way.” William’s voice trailed off as he was looking at Buffy, a longing expression on his face. “My God, she’s beautiful.”

“Hey!” Spike was about to tell William off for checking Buffy out, then rolled his eyes at himself. “I know she is.” He felt a pang in his chest at the sight of Buffy’s disappointed face when the door closed in front of her.

He remembered this all too well. Now he would go into the bedroom, where Drusilla was waiting. Only, that didn’t happen. Instead, Drusilla came back out into the living room. Spike frowned. He didn’t remember this.

“You got rid of Sunshine. Well done, my sweet Slayer. Now, I want you to go back to the door where an old friend of mine will be waiting. Oh, and Spike? You will need to invite him in.”

Spike just stared in disbelief as the other him went over to the door and opened it, then immediately stepped aside to allow Angel to enter his apartment. With an evil grin on his face, the tall, dark vampire nodded in thanks and, without a word, headed for the bedroom.

Swallowing, Spike glanced at William. “Suppose that’s how the wanker got inside, then.” William didn’t answer, just looked after Angel. Spike was confused at first, then realized that his cousin had faced this vampire before. “Oh, right. Sorry. Forgot that he…” He hesitated.

“Killed me?” William got a grim look on his face for a brief moment, then shrugged. “I’m over it. Besides, he’s dust now.” He smiled, sadly. “My dad was always good with a crossbow.” Spike vaguely remembered Buffy saying something about Giles killing Angel when she had first visited him at the hospital.

Suddenly he realized that he – the other him, that was – was heading towards the bedroom, and he let out a sigh. “All right, then. Might as well go see how it ends…”


TBC

After leaving the hospital, Buffy headed straight to the Magic Box. The whole gang was there, and although she hadn’t really planned to do so, it wasn’t long before she had told them the whole story about her and Spike. She was relieved to find that none of her friends seemed to mind, although Xander obviously had a hard time to take in the fact that she had allowed herself to fall in love with another Slayer. Still, she got the feeling that they were a little disappointed with her for not telling them sooner.

Willow now gave her best friend a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, Buffy.” She hesitated. “I guess I can’t really blame Spike for being hurt, but still, as your best friend, I have the right to be upset on your behalf.” She suddenly lit up. “Hey, if you want, I could try to do a spell to make him forget he was ever angry at you. That, or I could turn him into a toad!”

Before Buffy could say anything, Tara spoke up, an annoyed look on her face. “Willow, we talked about this. When are you gonna learn that magic is not something that should be taken lightly? Someone could really get hurt.”

Buffy frowned. “Tara, I’m pretty sure Willow wasn’t serious about turning Spike into a…”

“That’s not the point.” Tara interrupted her, something that was very out of character for the usually timid girl, and suddenly everyone’s eyes were on her. “Magic is serious business and not something to joke about. The sooner Willow will realize that, the better, for all of us.” With that, Tara got up from the chair and left the room, leaving the others to stare after her. Willow kept her eyes on the floor, suddenly looking ashamed.

“Okay, I think I speak for everybody when I say… what the hell was that about?” Xander looked around the room for an explanation, but everybody seemed to be just as shocked as he was.

Finally Willow spoke up, quietly. “I think she might still be upset with me for something that happened before we got here. But seriously, I didn’t mean…” She stopped as tears started filling her eyes.

Her own problems suddenly forgotten, Buffy gave her friend a look of concern. “Willow, what happened?”

Willow sighed. “I guess I’ve been going a bit overboard with the whole magic thing lately. But I just wanted to do something nice for Tara. Only, it didn’t turn out quite the way I had planned.” She glanced down at her hands, embarrassed.

It was now Giles’ turn to give Willow a worried look. “Willow, would you be so kind and tell us what you did?”

“It wasn’t my fault! Not really, anyway. I was just going to surprise Tara and fix us some lunch!” Willow pouted. “I didn’t mean for the spell to set the whole kitchen on fire.”

Xander let out an amused snort, then turned serious after seeing the look of disapproval on Giles’ face. “I mean… Willow, that was wrong. Shame on you! What were you thinking?” Willow slumped back in the chair, a miserable expression on her face.

Dawn was clearly uncomfortable with the sudden tension in the room. She turned to Buffy with a small smile, obviously eager to lighten the mood. “Hey, who needs spells, anyway? If you want, I can just open a portal to another dimension and send Spike there, making him sorry for the way he treated you.”

Buffy actually smiled a little at that, but shook her head. “It wasn’t really his fault, Dawn. Spike has every right to be upset with me for what I did.”

“I guess so.” Dawn gave Buffy an apologetic look, then the smile was back on her face. “But can I still open a portal, just for fun?”

“No portals!” Xander gave his sister a warning look. “Do I have to remind you of what happened last time, huh? Portals equal badness! And don’t you ever forget it, missy.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “You’re just still upset about the time I accidentally sent you to the world with nothing but shrimps when I cut myself, shaving my legs. I said I was sorry, didn’t I? Besides, it was your fault, really. You didn’t have to walk into the bathroom when I was still there.”

“You had been in there for almost an hour and I needed to pee!” Xander glared at her. “And why did you have to shave your legs at my place, anyway? Or, at all? You’re only fourteen!” Dawn crossed her arms over her chest, sulking.

“It was very traumatic for him.” Anya reached over to pat Xander’s hand tenderly before turning back to the others. “Poor Xander had nightmares about giant shrimps chasing him for a week. It really affected our sexual life.” Xander groaned in embarrassment.

“And on that note…” Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy, I’m quite certain that Spike will come around eventually. He just needs some time.”

“I hope so.” Buffy sighed and got up. “Now, if you guys don’t mind, I think I’m gonna head out for a quick patrol. Do a sweep over the cemetery, since Spike won’t be able to do it tonight.”

Giles frowned. “Buffy…”

“Giles, I need to kill something!” Buffy gave him a pleading look. “I can’t just sit at home feeling sorry for myself. Plus, been doing this for years, remember? I’ll be fine, really.” She put on a strained smile.

“I suppose.” Giles still looked a little worried, though, but tried not to let it show. Then he nodded. “Very well. But please, do be careful. Drusilla is still out there.”

Buffy nodded. “I will.” She gave him a grateful smile and grabbed her jacket and a stake before leaving the room.

For a moment, the room was silent. Then Xander gazed at the others, a hopeful look on his face. “So, anyone up for pizza?”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike entered the bedroom, fully aware of what he would find on the other side of the door. Still, seeing Drusilla pose to him as Buffy made him see red and he clenched his fists, furiously. “When I get my hands on that bitch…” Not wanting to watch the vampire trying to come on to him again, he turned away from the scene and glanced at William. He frowned a little, noticing that his cousin suddenly had become very quiet. “What’s wrong?”

William seemed to snap out of it. “Nothing.”

Not totally convinced, Spike casted a brief look at him and ‘Buffy’ before turning back to William. He hesitated for a moment, not sure of how to ask the next question, but knew it had to be done. “So, what’s your story?” William looked confused, so he clarified; “You and Dru. You knew her, too, right? She tried to do the same thing to you or something?”

William didn’t respond at first, and Spike was starting to think that he wouldn’t. Then he just shrugged. “Or something.”

Spike raised a brow. “Care to be a little more specific, mate?”

“It’s not relevant.” William suddenly didn’t want to meet his eyes. “Besides, this is about you, not me.”

“Oh, come on!” Spike was not ready to give up, realizing that this might be his only chance to find out the truth, once and for all. He took a deep breath. “She made it sound like the two of you had something going on, but I know you couldn’t have shagged her, her soul still being intact and all. So…”

William finally looked at him. He let out a sigh. “All right. What do you wanna know?”

“Did you…?” Spike swallowed. “Did you let yourself get killed?”

Sighing again, William was silent for a moment. Then he nodded. “Yes.”

Spike had suspected as much, but hadn’t been completely sure. Now he was almost afraid to ask the next question. “Why?”

William looked him right into the eyes, and Spike realized that he already knew the answer. “Because if I had seen Drusilla again, she would’ve tried to turn me. And more importantly; I would’ve let her.”


TBC

The night had been quiet so far and Buffy had to suppress a yawn. She was incredibly bored, having hoped to find at least a couple of vampires to take out. But it seemed like every single member of the undead had decided to stay at home tonight. Usually, one couldn’t take two steps into the cemetery before literally stumbling upon at least half a dozen vampires or other various demons. But tonight, there was not a vamp to be seen. It wasn’t fair! Buffy pouted, even though no one was around to see. She wanted a fight; she needed to slay things, dammit! Anything to keep her mind off Spike. So far, it wasn’t working.

She let out a sigh. If only she hadn’t been so selfish, such a coward! She loved Spike and he loved her, why did she have to let her stupid fears ruin everything? Sure, if anything would happen to Spike and she would lose him for real, the pain and grief would probably kill her this time. But she hadn’t really been living at all, anyway, for the last couple of years. So, why couldn’t she just have accepted that she finally had something good in her life? Even though it most likely wouldn’t last.

A part of her wanted nothing more than to simply run back to the hospital and throw herself in Spike’s arms, begging for his forgiveness. But he had asked her to give him some time, and she knew she owed it to him to respect his wishes. Only problem was, being so close to him and yet so far away was almost unbearable. Even though she knew she would probably see him again in a couple of days, she already missed him. Spike had to forgive her, he just had to! Because she didn’t know if she could go on living the rest of her life without him.

Suddenly a twig snapped behind her, causing her to tense up and stand absolutely still. Holding her stake in a tight grip, prepared to strike, Buffy couldn’t help but grin. She had come here looking for something to kill, and now it looked like maybe she wasn’t the only one at the dark cemetery after all. Slowly, she turned around, and found herself standing face to face with Drusilla.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You said a Slayer can’t be turned.” William leaned back against the wall, an unreadable expression on his face. “That’s not entirely true.”

Nodding slowly, Spike recalled what Drusilla had told him about Slayer blood. “Right, forgot about that. So, if a Slayer actually wants to be turned, it’s possible. I guess the million dollar question is…” He paused. “Why the bloody hell would you want something like that?” A sudden thought occurred to him. “Dru said something about every Slayer having a secret death wish. I didn’t believe her. Is that what it’s about?”

William was quiet for a moment, then sighed. “Yes and no. I never wished to die, if that’s what you think. But can you honestly say you’ve never given the idea a second thought? Never wondered what it would be like to be free from all your obligations, free from the responsibility of constantly risking the lives of people you care about? Free from… this life?”

“Free from life?” Spike raised a brow. “I have another word for that. Dead!”

“True.” William nodded. “Still, ‘dead’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘gone’. If that was the case, there wouldn’t be any vampires. They’re dead, but yet they’re not. And look at me. I’m dead, but still I’m here.”

“Yeah.” Spike nodded in agreement. “As a ghost.”

“I’m not a bloody…!” William interrupted himself, rolling his eyes. “Never mind, you’re missing the point. I never wanted to be a bleedin’ vampire.”

Spike was confused. “Then why did you say you would’ve let Drusilla turn you?”

“Have you ever been standing at the top of a cliff, wondering what would happen if you simply stepped over the edge? Or wondered if you would actually be able to kill another human being and get away with it?” William saw the look on Spike’s face and chuckled. “I’m not saying I have, just saying that people do things like that all the time. Not because they really want to, but because they can.” He paused. “I believe everybody has a secret death wish, they just don’t want to admit it. It’s not something you talk about. And more importantly, most people would never act on it.”

“Not sure I’m following, mate.” Spike wasn’t sure he liked where this conversation was going. He found himself wondering what Buffy was doing right now. Was she alone? Sad? Upset? Was she even thinking about him at all?

“Of course she’s thinking about you. Haven’t you figured it out by now?” William got a bored expression on his face.

“Oh, bloody…! Would you stop that?!” Spike glared at him. “How many times have I told you…?!”

William smirked. “Yeah, yeah. ‘Get out of my head, stop reading my soddin’ mind’… I have to tell you, Spike, it’s starting to get boring.”

“Yeah?” Spike crossed his arms over his chest. “Could say the same about this whole conversation.”

William didn’t even dignify that with an answer. “Look.” He pointed towards the other side of the room.

Spike reluctantly obeyed. His eyes widened when he realized what had just happened. For a moment, he had almost forgotten where they were. Now, all he could do was stare at his lifeless body, lying limp on the floor in a large puddle of blood. Buffy had backed up against the wall and now slid down on the floor, a moan of anguish escaping from her throat.

“He’s gone, just like William. They all leave…” She buried her face in her hands.

Swallowing, Spike took a hesitant step towards her. “Buffy…”

“You know, she can’t really hear you.”

Spike ignored William’s words as he slowly walked over to Buffy and dropped to his knees next to her. He wanted to tell her that it was okay, that he was just fine and wasn’t going anywhere. Right now he would do just about anything to be able to take her in his arms and promise to never let go. Because no matter how upset he might be with her, he could never bear to see her cry. Especially not because of him. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. “I never meant to cause her so much pain.”

“I know.” William had walked up behind him. “Neither did I.”

Spike turned to face his cousin, a horrified expression on his face. “She feels like it’s happening all over again, doesn’t she?” William just looked at him without a word. Spike closed his eyes for a moment. “I’ve had enough. Take me back to the hospital.”

William shook his head. “Sorry. Can’t do that.”

“What?!” Spike stared at him in disbelief. “Then how the bloody hell am I gonna get back?!”

“That’s up to you, not me.” William shrugged. “I’m just here to show you what really happened, when you’re ready to go back, you will have to figure it out for yourself. I’m sorry, but that’s how it works.”

“Bollocks!” Spike looked around the room before throwing his arms up in frustration. “I’m fucking ready, so why am I still here?!” He glanced at Buffy, still on the floor with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I can’t watch this. Please, can’t you just…”

“If I could do something, don’t you think I would?” William’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “You think I actually enjoy seeing her like this?” Spike opened his mouth, but William went on; “I’m weak, Spike, always have been. I took the easy way out without giving the consequences a second thought, but I swear to God, I never meant to hurt her.”

Spike was starting to feel really uncomfortable. “I know that. Buffy knows it, too.” He let out a sigh. “But how can you say you were weak? You bloody died for her, so Drusilla wouldn’t turn you and you’d end up hurting Buffy. I don’t think I could ever do something like that. How is that weak?”

William gave him a sad smile. “You don’t get it, do you? It’s all right; you’ll figure it out eventually. Until then…” His smile suddenly disappeared and he froze in his tracks. Then his eyes widened. “Bloody hell…”

“What?” For a moment, Spike couldn’t take his eyes off of Buffy. Then he finally looked away and turned his attention back to William.

“It’s Buffy.” William got a grim look on his face. “She’s in trouble. You have to go.”

“What happened?!” Spike jumped to his feet, feeling the panic about to overwhelm him. “Where is she? And how the hell am I gonna get there?! I’m trapped in this soddin’ dream, and you’re telling me Buffy’s…” He stopped as realization hit him. “Drusilla? Oh God, no…”

“She’s at the cemetery. You’ve better hurry. Oh, and Spike?” William bent down to pick up the stake Spike had dropped when Drusilla had first hit him, and tossed it to him. “You’ll need this.”

Spike caught it easily, staring at the sharp piece of wood for a moment. “But how am I…?” He looked up, frowning as he realized that William was nowhere to be seen.


TBC

Spike woke up with a start, looking around the room in confusion. He was back at the hospital, and for a moment he wasn’t sure of what had just happened. Had William really paid him a visit, or had it just been a dream? Then he noticed the stake. The sharp, wooden object was lying on the floor next to the bed, and Spike was quite certain it hadn’t been there before. Suddenly wide awake, he jumped out of the bed and grabbed his clothes. He remembered being told about Slayer healing and realized that it must be true, because he already felt much better now after only a couple of hours sleep. Still, he wasn’t sure he would be strong enough to take Drusilla down, but he really couldn’t wait until he was fully recovered. Buffy was in danger and he had to get to her before it was too late.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy found herself starting to back away. This was Drusilla; the vampire who was responsible for hurting Spike, and Buffy wanted nothing more than to see the evil creature turn into dust, preferably by her hand, but she wasn’t stupid. This vampire was strong, very strong. And whether Buffy liked to admit it or not, she had been taken by surprise. Right now, Drusilla had the upper hand. However, Buffy had every intention of changing that.

“Poor little lost girl, all alone, so far from home…” Drusilla cocked her head to the side. “I warned the Slayer; told him to stay away from sunshine or he would get burned.” She shook her head, sadly. “Just like my William. He was blinded by you as well.”

So, Drusilla had known William after all. Buffy had suspected as much, but she hadn’t known for sure. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, resisting the urge to say anything. If Drusilla had hoped for some kind of reaction from her by mentioning William’s name, she would be deeply disappointed. Instead, Buffy tightened her grip around the stake, silently promising herself to make sure the only way this vampire would be leaving the cemetery was as a pile of dust, blown away by the wind.

Drusilla let out a delighted laugh. “You believe we were lovers.” She gave Buffy a thoughtful look. “Would it hurt you? Knowing that you were not enough for him, that you alone could never give him what he needed?” Before Buffy could say anything, Drusilla went on. “You cannot lie to me, little girl. Your heart is open for me to read, like a book.” A pause. “So tell me. Would it hurt you?”

Buffy glared at her. “Yes.”

“Yes, it would.” Drusilla nodded in confirmation. “Because you loved him.” She was quiet for a moment. “In a way, I think I loved him as well.”

Snorting, Buffy stared at her in disbelief. “You?! Even with a soul, you’re still a vampire. You can’t feel love!”

The vampire smiled, sadly. “Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well, if not wisely.”

Buffy shook her head, firmly. “I don’t believe you. You just used William to get rid of your soul, just like you used Spike. It was never about love.”

Drusilla laughed again. “Silly girl! It was always about love.” She paused. “Not true love, of course. I know William could never love me the way he loved you. Unless…” She left the rest of the sentence hanging.

Buffy looked at her, blankly. “Unless?”

Sighing, Drusilla looked up at the stars, an absent smile playing on her lips. “Unless I made him my Childe.”

“Your what?!” Buffy paled as realization hit her. “Oh my God. You wanted to turn him into a vampire. Like you.”

“Of course.” Drusilla turned her attention back to Buffy. “Then he would have no choice but to love me, as his Sire. But there was one problem, you see. A Slayer has to be turned willingly, or his blood would be lethal to the vampire.”

Buffy shook her head again, still trying to take in this new information. “William would never have let you do that to him. You’d have to be crazy to think, even for a second, that…”

“Oh, but he would. Eventually.” Drusilla nodded, as to emphasize her words. “Unfortunately, he was prepared to die before he would let it happen.”

Buffy swallowed; suddenly feeling like her head was spinning. This was just too much for her mind to take in. A part of her had wondered, many times over the years, if maybe William had chosen to take the easy way out in the end. Drusilla’s words now indicated that maybe she hadn’t been too far off after all. Only William hadn’t let himself get killed so he wouldn’t have to deal with being the Slayer. He had let himself get killed to keep Drusilla from turning him into a vampire.

Tears started welling up in her eyes, but she held back a sob. Taking a deep breath, Buffy tried to force herself to calm down. She could always have an emotional break-down later and weep about the unfairness of it all, but now was not the time. Not when she was standing here alone, face to face with an evil vampire. Because Drusilla was evil, soul or not. There was no doubt about that anymore.

‘Keep talking’, Buffy now silently ordered herself. The only way she would ever be able to stake Drusilla was to somehow keep her distracted, and then take her off guard. Also, a lot of luck couldn’t hurt. Still, she was not afraid. She was too angry for that. “What about Spike? Did you plan on turning him as well?”

“No.” Drusilla shook her head, then smiled a little. “I realized I didn’t have to make the Slayer love me, literally. If he would just think he did, merely for a moment, it would be enough.” Her smile disappeared and she let out a cry of fury. “But I was too late! You had already managed to poison his mind!” She calmed down. “But I will have better luck next time, when the new Slayer has been called.”

“Right!” Buffy snorted. “You’re forgetting one thing. Spike’s still alive. And your vampire friend is dust. You’re all alone, and you can’t kill anyone by yourself. Face it, Drusilla. You’ve failed.”

“Actually…” Drusilla got a smug look on her face. “The soul makes it so I feel horrible guilt when I try to hurt anyone. That doesn’t mean I can’t do it. It would hurt me, yes, like maggots, feeding off my brain until there is nothing left. But guess what, little girl?” Her eyes were cold as ice as she took a step closer to Buffy. “I don’t care about my pain anymore.” She giggled a little. “However, your pain, I will enjoy deeply.”

Buffy’s eyes widened and she quickly tried to take a step back. But Drusilla was faster, grabbing her by the neck to prevent her from moving away. “After killing you, I will take care of the Slayer. And then, I will dance on both your graves under the stars. Now…” She put her cold hand on Buffy’s cheek, forcing her to hold still. “Look into my eyes…”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike was running, running so fast he thought his heart was going to burst right out of his chest, but yet he didn’t slow down. Because he was running against time, and he had to keep going, had to get to his girl before it was too late. One single thought kept running through his head over and over again, repeating itself like a mantra; ‘please don’t let me be too late, please let me make it, I’m coming, luv, just hold on…’

When he reached the cemetery, he almost sobbed with relief of finally being there. He raced between the mausoleums and the large tombstones, all the time praying that he would not be too late, that he would get to Buffy before Drusilla got a chance to hurt her. When he finally spotted the two figures at the far end of the cemetery, his heart almost stopped. There was Buffy, the only woman he would ever love, the love of his life, his soul mate. And next to her was Drusilla, holding the blonde girl in a tight grip with her fangs buried in Buffy’s slender neck.


TBC

Desperate to get to Buffy before it was too late, Spike felt like he was moving in slow motion, when in reality, he crossed the cemetery in mere seconds. A million thoughts rushed through his mind at the same time when he saw Buffy’s limp body in the vampire’s arms, and for a horrifying moment, he was convinced that he had already lost her. Then something unexpected happened. Before Spike had managed to reach her, Drusilla suddenly pulled back like she had been hit by holy water. She immediately let go of Buffy and seemed to be staring at something behind her, her face a mixture of horror and fascination.

Spike was at Buffy’s side in less than two seconds, catching her just as she was about to drop to the ground. She blinked in confusion, like she had just woken up from a dream. “S-Spike? What…? How did you…?” She brought her hand up to her neck, wincing when her fingers brushed against the open wound. “I’m bleeding.”

Swallowing, Spike took a closer look at the wound. Realizing that it had looked a lot worse than it really was; that Drusilla’s fangs had just barely pierced the soft skin, he almost passed out with relief. He quickly looked through his pockets for a handkerchief or a kleenex, then had to roll his eyes at himself – why would he have something like that? He wasn’t Giles. Instead, he hurriedly tore off a shred of his shirt and gently pressed it against Buffy’s neck. “You’ll be okay, luv. Just keep the pressure on.”

Buffy did as he said, staring at him in shock. “She bit be. I couldn’t… I don’t remember…” She shook her head, as if to clear it. Then she frowned. “Where did she go?” She stopped then, her eyes landing on the female vampire, who had started to back away. “Why didn’t she kill me? Why did she stop?”

Spike just shook his head, having no answer. He helped her sit down on the grass, taking both her small hands in his. “Buffy, listen to me. You stay right here, luv, whatever happens. Unless she…” He hesitated. “If something happens to me, don’t try to be a hero. Then you’ll run, as fast as you can and don’t look back.”

Her eyes widened. “What are you…?” She swallowed as his words started to sink in and realization hit her. “God, Spike, how can you even say that?!” Then she gave him a stubborn look. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He opened his mouth to object, then decided against it, knowing that he didn’t have time to argue with her. “Fine. Just stay here. I don’t want you anywhere near her, ever again.” Before she could say anything, he pulled her close and kissed her softly on the lips. Then he started to get up, but she grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Wait!” Her fingers clutched around his arm, almost desperately, and she looked him deep into the eyes. “I love you.”

For a brief moment, he just stared at her. Then he nodded, a soft smile appearing on his lips. “I know. Now wait here, and I’ll go finish this.”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Drusilla stared at something in front of her with wide eyes, a grin slowly spreading on her face. She let out a small giggle, eagerly clapping her hands. “Ooh… Slayer came back to play!”

Spike, who carefully had walked up behind her, stopped with a frown. Drusilla seemed to be talking to the air, which he supposed shouldn’t surprise him too much. He already knew she was crazy. It was probably a good thing right now, though; she would be a lot easier to take out if she was distracted. He raised his stake and was just about to shove it through the vampire’s heart, when she spoke directly to him; “Can’t you see him?”

Stake in mid-air, he froze in his tracks. Drusilla turned around, an expectant look on her pale face. Then she noticed the stake in his hand. For a moment, her eyes flashed yellow. Then she laughed. “So, my brave, new Slayer has finally come to kill me.” She cocked her head to the side. “But why did you bring him?”

Spike stared at her in confusion. “What?” He glanced over his shoulder, having no idea what she was talking about.

Drusilla’s smile disappeared. For a moment, she looked almost afraid. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. A soft whimper escaped her throat. Spike raised a brow, more confused than ever. Drusilla turned to him again. “You really can’t see him?”

He shook his head. “See who? What the bloody hell are you on about?”

She giggled then. “The stars brought him back to me, as a present.” Then she frowned. “But it’s not my birthday.”

“There’s no one there, Dru.” Spike tightened his grip around the stake. “You know what’s gonna happen now, don’t you? Let’s just get it over with.”

“Spike… You don’t really want to kill me.” Drusilla pouted a little, a playful smile playing at the corner of her mouth, but her eyes were cold as ice.

Having learned his lesson, Spike made sure not to look directly into the vampire’s eyes. “Is that so? I’ll tell you what, Dru; you’ve made two mistakes. The first was trying to get rid of your soul. The second…” He paused, glancing over at Buffy, relieved to see that she had stayed back like he asked. She was safe now, and he would make sure to keep it that way. “The second was hurting Buffy. So, yes. I really want to kill you.”

Drusilla had been calm so far, so he wasn’t prepared for the sudden fit of rage as she let out a loud growl, her face shifting back into the face of a demon. “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! It’s all about her, isn’t it? She poisoned my William’s mind and now she has gotten you, too.”

Spike snorted. “William was never yours. He wanted to help you, yes. But only because he felt sorry for you. So did I, by the way. Not anymore, though. Now I realize how pathetic you really are. William never loved you.”

“Yes, he did!” Drusilla snarled. “I was his salvation, his dark princess. He…” She stopped, once again turning her attention towards something only she could see. “No. You’re lying!” Then she whimpered. “Why are you doing this?” She quickly stepped back with her arms raised in front of her like a shield, suddenly screaming like a terrified child. “No! Your touch burns, like fire!” Growling and snarling in fear, she kept backing away.

He threw himself at Drusilla, just as she turned towards him. Crying out in surprise, she tried to block his punch, but was too late. She made a desperate attempt of attacking by scratching at his face with her long, sharp fingernails, all the time screaming in fury. Wincing in pain, Spike tried to take a step back as she almost got his eye, but stumbled over a small headstone. While he was struggling to keep his balance, Drusilla saw her chance and attacked. They both tumbled to the ground, and that was when Buffy screamed out his name.

Spike knew that Buffy was running towards him even though he couldn’t see her, lying on his back with the furious vampire on top of him, and one single thought came to his mind. It didn’t matter if he’d make it or not, as long as Buffy was safe. But on the other hand, if Drusilla killed him, or just managed to knock him unconscious, he would have no way of protecting her. With that thought in mind, he didn’t even realize that he had managed to shift the stake in his hand before the souled vampire disappeared, screaming, into a cloud of dust. And Drusilla was no more.


TBC

“Spike!” Buffy was at his side within mere seconds, dropping to her knees next to him and running her hands over his body to check for any sign of damage. “Sweetie, say something! Are you all right? Did she hurt you?!”

Spike caught one of her hands and pressed a soft kiss to her palm. “I’m fine, luv.” He paused, brushing the dust off of his coat. “Drusilla on the other hand…”

Buffy let out a shaky breath. “She’s gone. You killed her. It’s over.”

He couldn’t help but smirk. “I prefer to use the word ‘slay’. Someone once told me it’s more appropriate.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy offered him her hand and helped him get to his feet. “I think it’s safe to say that when it comes to Drusilla, there’s no need for appropriate. I’m just glad the evil bitch finally got what she deserved.” Before he could say anything, Buffy quickly took both of his hands in hers. “Spike, about before… I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. When I thought I’d lost you…”

Spike let out a sigh. “I know. Look, I realize we have a lot to talk about, but how ‘bout we do that later? I really need to be at the hospital right now.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, you’re hurt after all! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

He gave her a soft smile and ran his fingers down her cheek in a calming gesture. “No, pet, I’m fine. But I just left without a word, a couple of hours after getting a bloody sword shoved right through my body. The doctors probably never heard of Slayer healing, they might want some sort of explanation.”

She relaxed a little. “Oh. Okay.” Then she seemed to remember something. “Does this mean you forgive me? You’re not mad at me anymore?”

Spike was quiet for a moment. “Was more hurt than angry, I suppose. But I’ve done some thinking, and…” He shrugged. “Guess I can understand you a bit better now. Don’t worry, luv. We’ll be okay.” The happy smile that immediately appeared on her face seemed to light up the entire night sky, and he couldn’t help but smile back. A couple of hours ago, things had seemed so dark. And now, everything had changed. Drusilla was gone. And he and Buffy had gotten a second chance.

They started walking; hand in hand, finally leaving the cemetery. Suddenly Buffy stopped dead in her tracks, grabbing his arm. “Spike, wait!” He gave her a questioning look and she went on; “I just don’t get it. Not that I’m complaining, but why did you come here? I mean, you were at the hospital and then you suddenly showed up at the cemetery, just in time to save my life. It’s almost like you…” She hesitated. “How did you know Drusilla would be here?”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Shrugging helplessly, he gave her an innocent look. “I, um…”

Buffy interrupted him, understanding dawning on her. “Did you have a Slayer dream or something? Is that how you knew?”

Spike wondered how she would react if he told her. Would she even believe him? Only one way of finding out, he thought. “I guess you could say that.” He paused. “But it’s not exactly true, though. About them being dreams, I mean. In fact, they’re not really dreams at all.”

She looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Smiling a little, Spike went on explaining. “They’re not dreams as much as they’re messages. You know, from The Powers That Be. We just happen to receive them while we’re sleeping.”

Buffy frowned. “How did you know that? I thought you never read the Slayer handbook?”

“I haven’t. Look, it’s been a long night, luv. I guess you could say a lot of things happened after you left the hospital.” He smirked.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Buffy gave him an expectant look. “Like what?”

“Well…” He hesitated for a moment, not sure of how to begin. “Let’s just say I got a visit from a gho…” Spike stopped himself, abruptly, staring at the ground in front of him. The letters seemed to appear from nowhere, quickly being written down in the dirt by invisible fingers. His eyes widened at first, then he couldn’t help but chuckle as he read the words; ‘NOT A BLOODY GHOST’. He smiled as realization hit him; suddenly some of Drusilla’s ramblings before didn’t seem totally crazy after all. Maybe she hadn’t just been talking to the air, like he had thought. Raising his hands in an apologetic gesture, he mouthed a ‘sorry’.

Buffy stared at the words as well, mouth open. Then she turned to Spike with wide eyes. “Did you see that?!”

He nodded. “Yeah. Come on, pet, let’s get out of here. I’m gonna tell you a little story…”


* * *


~epilogue - two days later~


“So, let me see if I got this straight…” Xander waited until he had everybody’s attention before turning back to Spike. “You’re telling me William came back from the dead, and told you that Buffy and Drusilla would be at the cemetery?”

Spike rolled his eyes. They had all been at the Magic Box for hours, and he was starting to get tired of telling the whole story over and over again. But obviously, Xander couldn’t get enough of hearing about it. “That’s right.”

“Wow…” Xander leaned back on the chair, then glanced at Buffy. “And Drusilla really had you in a thrall? Good thing Spike showed up when he did. Otherwise you’d be…” He stopped himself, looking down at his hands. “Sorry. Guess you don’t wanna think about that.”

Buffy shrugged. “Well, it’s true. As much as I hate to admit it, she got me there. I underestimated her; I guess I thought I would be strong enough to resist her. I was stupid.”

Spike cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, I hate to bring it up, but I can’t take the credit for that. I didn’t save Buffy, William did. He was the one who distracted Dru until I got there.”

Giving him a sweet smile, Buffy leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek. “You’re still my hero, baby. You were the one who killed Drusilla in the end.” She shook her head. “I still can’t believe she’s actually gone.” She snuggled closer to Spike, sighing happily when he put his arms around her.

Xander nodded, eagerly. “Just think about it. After dealing with Drusilla, taking out regular vampires should be a piece of cake. From now on, living on the Hellmouth will be like having a vacation!” He got a goofy grin on his face.

Wesley spoke up. “I wouldn’t count on that. Drusilla may be gone, but there are a lot of other vampires out there who are just waiting to take her place. And not just vampires; demons and other beings as well. In fact, there could already be a new, much more dangerous enemy out there, right now, making evil plans as we speak. This could be the end of the world as we know it!”

The room was silent for a moment. Then Willow smiled. “Oh, come on, Wesley; stop being such a party pooper! This is a happy day, don’t ruin it.”

“Yeah, don’t go all ‘watcher’ on us.” Xander nodded in agreement. “We’ll deal with the evil forces again tomorrow. Just let us enjoy the quiet for a while, in the way of not having to do a thing.”

Wesley looked around the room, letting out a defeated sigh. “Of course. I apologize.”

But Anya got a worried expression on her face. “If the world is ending, I wanna have sex one more time before I die.” She turned to her boyfriend. “Xander, don’t just sit there; take me home immediately so you can give me one last orgasm!”

Xander let out a nervous laugh. “Anya, sweetie, the world is not ending. And remember what I told you about private conversations? Not to be had in front of other people!”

“Oh.” Anya looked relieved. Then her face lit up. “Does that mean I won’t have to settle for just one orgasm? I mean, if the world is not ending, there should be plenty of time for multiple…?”

“And with that very inappropriate announcement, we’re leaving!” Xander grabbed Anya’s arm and pulled her up from the chair. “Bye, guys! See you tomorrow.” He hurried towards the door, Anya following.

Giles and Wesley looked most uncomfortable, the others amused. Willow smiled at Tara. “You wanna leave, too, sweetie?”

Tara nodded. “Sure.” She turned to Buffy and Spike. “I’m glad you’re both okay. And I’m so happy you’re back together.” She paused, lowering her voice. “I wish you could see your auras, they’re a perfect match. It’s beautiful.” She smiled and followed her girlfriend out of the room.

“I guess I should go, too. Giles, could you give me a ride home?” Dawn gave the Watcher a hopeful look.

“Um, yes, of course. Let me just…” Giles hesitated. “I would just like to have a word with Spike first. Would you mind waiting for me out in the store? It won’t take long.” Dawn nodded, and left.

Sensing that Giles wanted to speak to Spike in private, Buffy walked over to Wesley. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” When he nodded, she gestured for him to follow her outside. Not sure of how to begin, Buffy was quiet for a moment. Then she took a deep breath. “Look, Wesley, I wanna thank you for what you did the other day. Not just for Spike, but for me as well. I really appreciate it. And I know he does, too.”

Wesley looked a little taken aback, obviously not used to people thanking him. He quickly tried to cover up. “Oh, um, you’re most welcome." Then he lowered his eyes to the floor. "I’m just happy I could finally do something right around here for a change.”

Buffy smiled. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Wes. You’re a good Watcher. You just have to learn to relax a little sometimes.”

The young Watcher nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. “Ah, yes. I’ll do my best to work on that.”


After Buffy and Wesley had left, the only two remaining people in the research room were Spike and Giles. The former turned to the Watcher, an expectant look on his face. “Well? I know you wanna ask me something, so just go ahead.”

Giles nodded. “Right. Well, the thing is…” He hesitated, suddenly looking nervous.

Spike waited a moment before taking pity on the older man. “I suppose this has something to do with William. What do you wanna know?”

Sighing, Giles closed his eyes, briefly. “You are correct. I was wondering if he said anything about me.”

Thinking about it for a moment, Spike shrugged. “Just said you’ve always been good with a crossbow.”

Nodding again, Giles removed his glasses, wiped them on the edge of his shirt and then put them back on. “I see. He didn’t mention anything about…”

Spike shook his head. “He’s not blaming you for what happened, if that’s what you think. Just stop beating yourself up about it.”

Giles looked relieved. Then he noticed Buffy by the door and cleared his throat. “It’s getting late. I’m going back to the house. You two stay as long as you like, but don’t forget to lock up when you leave, or Anya might feel compelled to take some vengeance on you.”

Spike chuckled. “Right. Will do.”

Giles patted his shoulder and walked over to Buffy. He smiled at her. “Goodnight, dear.” Then he added; “I told you things would work out in the end. I’m very happy for you.” She gave him a bright smile and a hug.

After Giles had closed the door behind him, Buffy stepped right into Spike’s waiting arms. “Finally alone!” She pulled back a little, so she could look him in the eyes. “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

Instead of answering, Spike cupped her cheek and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. The kiss started innocently enough, but soon became more intense. Finally, they had to pull back, both smiling as they were gasping for air. Spike tightened his grip around her. “I know, luv. I love you, too.” He paused, raising a brow. “So, wanna head back to my place?”

Buffy nodded, eagerly. “A world of yes!” A pause. “I think I’ve figured it out now, by the way.”

He smiled, but looked a little confused. “Figured what out, luv?”

She rested her head against his chest, smiling when he started stroking her hair. “What William said when you asked him how dying for me could be weak. He said you’d figure it out eventually, right?” Spike nodded. “Well, I think I know what he meant.”

Spike pulled back with a frown. “Yeah? Care to enlighten me?”

“Think about it.” Buffy suddenly became serious. “Dying for someone might sound like the ultimate sacrifice. But for someone to actually stick around and fight, risking his life for the people he cares about every night, and still return to the girl he loves in the morning…” She swallowed. “No matter what happens, promise me you’re not going anywhere. I need you here, with me. I don’t need you to die for me.”

“I don’t wanna die for you.” He looked her deep in the eyes, feeling like he was drowning. And he knew she felt the same way. “I wanna live for you.”

Tears started welling up in her eyes, spilling down on her cheeks, but they were all happy tears. Buffy smiled, shakily. “William’s happy for us, isn’t he? I can’t explain it, I just feel it.”

Spike nodded. “I know what you mean, pet. I feel it too.”

As their lips met again, both of them made a silent promise to never let go.


THE END