*Hold Me
Even though I know you're leaving*

Looking back now, I think I knew. That night when you held me in your arms, I knew that would be the last time. If not forever, then for a long time.

*And show me all the reasons you would stay
It's just enough to fell your breath on mine
To warm my soul and ease my mind*

I think that's why I couldn't sleep, because I knew you wouldn't be there the next night. So I just lay there in your arms, feeling your cool breath mingle with mine. Angel breath. I don't know why I kissed him. Maybe because I thought it would take me back to those days so long ago, when all I worried about was geometry, fledglings, and whether or not he would appear out of nowhere that night. But it didn't, because the whole time, you were there.

*You've got to hold me and show me now*

We didn't make love that night, I didn't want you to think I was using you to take my mind off The First. I didn't want it to be like it was last year, so I let you do something that was forbidden then, I let you love me. In the way you wanted to before, I let you hold me and show me that you were the one.

*Give Me
Just one part of you to cling to and keep me everywhere you are
It's just enough to steal my heart and run, then fade out with the falling sun*

I don't remember the battle, or the pain, but I remember the light. The light that poured out of you and the light from the flame in our hands. I remember your face and your words, but I don't remember leaving you. Because I died with you.

*Oh, Please Don't Go
Let me have you just One Moment More*

They worry about me, they say I should be happy, it's over. But they don't know. It's never over, not for me. Because I live in the basement of my house in Sunnydale, in your arms.

*Oh, All I need
All I want is just One Moment More
You've got to hold me and keep me now*

Dawn found the sleeping pills today, she wanted to know why I sleep all the time, why I'm not living the normal life I fought so hard for. So I told her. My life is over. And in my dreams, I'm with you.

*Tell Me
How someday you'll be returning and maybe
Maybe, I'll believe*

I think about you, when I've slept so much I can't anymore. I think about things you said and things you did. Things you whispered when you thought I was asleep. You whispered of how you'd never leave me, how I'd never be rid of you because you would always come back. Things I didn't want to hear then, but now? Now, I would fight a legion of demons, just to hear you sigh.

*It's just enough to see a shooting star
To know you're never really far*

I thought about our kiss behind the bronze, about the way you saved me as the smoke was curling around me, and the words you said. So one of us is living. I thought about that for a long time. I decided to go out and watch the stars, like we did the night the basement flooded. I wonder if they will twinkle the way your eyes did.

*It's just enough to see a shooting star
To know you're never really gone*

I dreamt of you last night. I was in your arms, and I told you all the things I should have. The things I would have told you, if I had just had one moment more. To prove to you that I do love you, because I do. God, it suffocates me sometimes. You once told me you were drowning in me. Now, I know how you felt.

*Oh, Please Don't Go
Let me have you just One Moment More
All I need
All, I want is just One Moment More*

I went out with them tonight, it's not as hard anymore. I had a good time, and when I came home, I cradled you in my arms and told you how much I love you, and how much I need you. I should have told you all these things, should have done a lot of things different. I still think of you constantly. Think of your words, your ways, and for the first time, I thought of your sacrifice.

*Oh, Please Don't Go
Let me have you just One Moment More
Oh, All I need
All I want is just One Moment More*

I used to lay in bed and think of all the things I should have said, things I should have done. But now, as I walk along the beach under the stars, I think of the things I'm going to tell you, when you come back to me.


*You've got to hold me and maybe I'll believe*

It was The First.

Everything they had done, everyone they had lost, was for nothing. The girls, Anya, all gone. Dead for nothing.

Because The First stood before her.

It had to be The First, because only something that evil would torment her like this.

By looking like Him.

And she hated it, she loathed it, and It would suffer, she would find a way. Because it took something from her, and she would have vengeance for him.

She didn't even think of the fact she hadn't trained in months, didn't stop to think of the armies it could raise. All she could think of was getting it out of His face.

She was deafened by her own wails, and blinded by her tears. She couldn't get the light out of her mind, his sacrifice, his death, all for nothing.

But when it said her name in His voice, she didn't think at all, because it reached out and touched her face.

And she looked at it cleary for the first time.

Eyes as stormy as the sea, shining with something The First could never feel.

And when she threw herself at it, He caught her.

When they sank to the floor tangled in each other, and soaked with tears, she was still wailing, but this time it was a thanks, to anyone who would listen, for bringing Him back to her.

When they found them that night, they were wrapped around each other on the floor, sound asleep, with Spike flat on his back, and Buffy sprawled across his chest. It was a shock to them to see him, but a relief as well. Dawn wanted to wake him and hold him, apologize for the way she had left things, but she couldn't disturb them. So she laid down beside him on the floor, and draped her arm across Buffy's back. She heard the muffled sound of Xander's jaw as it snapped closed and felt the weight of his jacket as he spread it over her. She whispered "thank you" without ever taking her eyes from Spike's sleeping face. The way they had fallen had them laying right in front of the stairway, so she listened as Xander skirted around them and made his way up the stairs, mumbling something about "runs in the family". It was too much of a shock for her to fall alseep right then, so she rested her head on her elbow and looked at them. Spike's t-shirt was soaked, and Buffy's make up was running, but the oddest of it all was the tears that were still streaming from their closed eyes. So Dawn closed her eyes and let her own tears lull her to sleep.

The first thing he noticed when he awoke, was the hard marble floor he was resting on. The second thing was the light weight resting on his chest, pressing him into said floor. Buffy. He thought back to yesterday, when she opened the door and saw him there. The tears and the heartwrenching sobs, but it was the anger and the pure hatred in her eyes that had him paralyzed. Baring her teeth, fists clenching, the pure savagery he saw there. He knew what she thought he was, so he carefully and slowly reached out to caress her face as he whispered her name. When she first threw herself at him he didn't what to do, until he saw her eyes. He saw the pain there, but it was the love in them that brought her to him. She wrapped herself around him like a snake, but he didn't mind, he held her even tighter. Thinking back on the night before, he tried to remember the words that were said, and it was weird, because he couldn't remember her ever saying anything, except thank you. There for a little while he was afraid she was going to pass out, because she was crying and breathing so hard. A soft snore broke him out of his thoughts, and he was suprised to find that it didn't come from the girl on his chest, but the brunette clinging to his left arm. Dawn. He smiled as he looked at her young face, thinking what a beauty she was, his little bit. He felt Buffy shift, and her breath on his neck an instant before her lips touched the same spot. He smiled down at her and saw that her eyes were starting to tear up yet again.
"Hey now, no more tears." He whispered while gently wiping the tears away with his fingers. "I'm here now." She smiled at him then, and he could feel his soul warm at the beautiful sight. This is what I died for. And with that thought he frowned, thinking of his death, and then his resurrection, knowing she would want answers. But he himself wanted answers, he didn't know why he was here. He was for certain that when the dust fell, he was gonna get hot. But yet, here he was, in the arms of his love, with his little love by his side. He remembered dying, remembered the pain and the heat. But then, it wasn't scorching anymore. It was warm and gentle and it soothed him. He remembered thinking surely he wasn't in hell, because hell dosen't have grass, right? He opened his eyes then to look at his surroundings. Grass, trees, birds, and then he noticed the sun. He panicked at first and broke into a dead run for the saftey of the shadows, when he realized he was just laying in the sun and not burning. Confusion and fear ran through him, where was he? Why wasn't he in hell? Wasn't that were demons like him went when they met their end? And at that thought he vamped, and when he felt his features shift he could see more clearly, hear the things in the forest, the squirrels and birds, and then he heard it. His heart. It was beating, his heart was beating and his face was vamped, what was he? And just where was he for that matter.

He realized as the second car drove by him honking, that he was naked. Well, there wasn't anything he could do about it, so he just smirked and waved as the cars passed him, horns blaring. What he didn't expect was the sleek, blacked out Viper that pulled onto the shoulder behind him. And he sure as hell wasn't expecting the hearty chuckles and familiar brown eyes that peaked out at him from a cracked window. "Um, I think that's illegal, William." Was all Angel could manage to spit out between laughs. "Yeah, shut up. You big ponce." Spike growled while getting in the car. That started a whole new round of laughter, which he had to wait out, sulking on the leather seat. Finally Angel's laughs died down enough to pull back on the road, although the smile never left his face. "How did you know, where I was? And where am I?" He said as he looked out window, trying to figure it out himself. "Outskirts of Sunnydale, or what was Sunnydale." Angel said as he glanced over at the nude man beside him. Still the same. "Hey! Eyes on the bloody road, Peaches!" Spike yelled as he caught Angel's wandering eyes. Angel snorted, "It's not like I haven't seen it before." He glanced at Spike who had his hands in his lap, and he was pretty sure that was a blush staining his cheeks. "Yeah, but that was a long time ago, a lifetime. A different lifetime." He said thinking back on their pre-soul days. "And you didn't answer my question." "The Senior Partners." Spike frowned at this, "The what?" Angel fidgeted in his seat before answering. "The Senior Partners, the head of Wolfram and Hart, the law firm, I, uh, I run." He glanced at Spike who was sitting back trying to take in this information. "Since when are you a lawyer?" Angel smiled at the look on his face. "Look, it's a long story. The Senior Partners know things, and they just happen to let it slip about a certain champion's resurrection." Spike was beyond confused now, Angel running a law firm? He pushed that weird concept out of his mind and focused on what Angel was saying. "They don't know why or how, because believe me, I asked them." Spike snorted at that. "They just knew you were returning, and sent me after you." Angel tried to gauge the expression on Spike's face, confusion, disbelief, and fear ranked supreme. Angel jumped when Spike lunged forward and grabbed his arm, "Buffy! Where is she? Did she make it? Oh God, Buffy! I didn't even - Where is she??" Angel put a calming hand on the one that had his forearm in a vice grip. "Calm down. She made it, she's okay." Spike fell back in the seat exhaling, and scrubbing a hand across his face. "Thank God for that. Where is she?" Angel looked at Spike's relieved face and debated whether to tell him or not. But then he remembered Buffy's face when they stopped in LA. Devastated and defeated, her beautiful green eyes dead and lifeless, where they once sparkled. He had to tell him, because he knew. Buffy wasn't his anymore, and she hadn't been for a long time. "Point Arena. It's up North, she lives up there with Dawn and Xander." Spike sat back and took this information in. Point Arena, he liked the sound of it. It sounded like a good place to call home.

So now, here he was, laying on the floor in her house, with her sprawled on top of him.

He was home.

He's here. He's sitting beside me, holding my hand, and it's real. I'm not asleep, I'm not dreaming this. Because no dream could ever be this sweet.
How did I do it? Looking back, how did I live without him? Now I realize how truly broken I was when I came back. To have used him and hurt him so.
How can he even want to be near me? He deserves so much better than me. But I'm selfish, I'll never let him go.
I'll fight the devil himself if I have to, because no one else will ever touch him.

He's warm, that is so strange, because he should be cool. He should be dead.
But he's not, he's alive, he's breathing, and his heart is pounding away in his chest. I couldn't believe it when I felt it, I thought it was mine.
But he just looked at me, smiled, and brought my hand to his chest to let me feel it. My miracle.

We're in the living room now, It started raining a little while ago, so we're just watching the rain over the ocean. I wanted to sit in his lap, but I'm having to share him.
Dawn, she hasn't stopped smiling since we woke up, but neither have I. She's so happy, I know it and so does he. This morning she threw herself in his arms,
held him, and told him how much she loved and missed him. She begged him to forgive her, to tell her he still loved her. He just smiled at her with tears running down his face and
simply said, "I do."

Xander woke up later, when we huddled on the couch and started crying again. He walked through, looked at Spike, and just kind of nodded. Dawn and I both were bristled, expecting
a fight, but I should have known. He's happy for us, he knows what I went through, because he went through it too. I followed him to the kitchen, and when he looked at me, I could
see it, Hope, that she would walk through the door. And I saw jealousy there as well, because he knew it would never happen. It made me realize again how lucky I am, so I had to go back to him.
To see if he was really there. And he was, he was sitting with his arm around Dawn, watching the door. His eyes lit up when he saw me, he was happy to see me. If he only knew. But, he does.
He knows how I felt, because he felt it too. One Hundred and Forty Seven days.

I don't think I've said two words to him, but then I don't I really need to. Because when he looks in my eyes he can see it, I know he can.
Because I look at him the same way he looks at me.

Dawn fell asleep a little while ago, so he carried up to her room. He layed her in the bed and kissed her cheek, and I just stood in the doorway and watched with watery eyes. Xander left for work after his breakfast, so
it's basically just us now. He's looking at me with penetrating eyes and I'm caught. He walks to me, takes my hand and leads me to the hall after one last look at Dawn. There is so much I want to tell him, so much I need to say,
but I can't even breathe. He understands, and lifts me in his arms and cradles me to his chest. "Which room is yours, love?" I point to my room down the hall, he opens the door and carries me through, and stops dead in his tracks. I muffle a giggle in his chest at the sight of his face. He looks around in wide eyed wonder, at my room with blood red walls, antique cherry furniture, and black curtains. He smirks as he looks at my bed, a black comforter and red silk sheets. I know I'm blushing, my cheeks are flaming, and his knowing little smile didn't help things.

He sat me down on the bed, and just looked at me, waiting for an invitation. So I pulled him down beside me, and slid down to take off his boots. The duster was no where to be seen, so that left him in faded blue jeans, socks, and his black t-shirt.
When I came to rest beside him, I just looked at him, and I had to touch him again to make sure he was real. When my hand touched his alabaster cheek, I whispered his name, and it brought tears to my eyes. How long had it been since I had said his name?
It's such a silly name, but I've never heard anything so beautiful in my life. "Spike." He just sits there, he knows I want to tell him something. "I Love You." And I'll remember his face, even after they put me in the ground. The wonder, amazement, and sheer joy that bloomed across his face blinded me. "I love you so much, I- I love you! God Spike, I love you so much it hurts, I can feel it inside me. It suffocates me, it burns me. I--" He trys to calm me, because I'm screaming now, "Love, Buffy, calm dow-" "NO!! You don't understand!! I have to tell you! I've been given this chance, this chance that I've prayed and begged for, and I have to tell you how much I love you, how much I need you! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for the things I've done, the things I've said, Please, Please forgive me! Please plea--" I couldn't even finish I was sobbing so hard, I buried my face in his chest, and clung to him for dear life. He holds me to him and I can feel his tears hitting my face, can feel as he shudders with emotion. "It's alright now, love. It's alright now." He says it over and over as he rocks me back and forth, sobbing. I lean back to look in his eyes, so blue, drowning with tears and emotion, "Please, tell me. Tell me you still love me." I plead with him, as a smile crosses his face. He pulls me back in his arms.
"Silly girl. Not even death stopped me loving you. I love you, Buffy. Forever."

She woke up before him. She usually did, but this time, running was the farthest thing from her mind. She looked at him, lying on his side facing her, hair unruly and curly, with a small, sweet smile curving his full lips. He had taken his shirt off sometime in the night, and she stared at his chest. He was so beautiful, so smooth and sculpted. She trailed her hand from his cheek, past his collarbone, down his chest, and stopped at his navel. She smiled when he rolled onto his back with a murmur of her name. She rose on her knees and crawled until she straddled him, never letting her body touch his. She looked down at his sleeping face, smokey eyelashes resting against sharp cheekbones, his soft breath hitting her face. She started at the top of his head and ghosted her lips across his forehead, down his nose, and let them settle against his. She jumped when she felt his lips curve into a smile and his hands close around her waist. She pulled back to look into his sleepy eyes, " I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you." she said sheepishly, a little embarrassed at being caught. "Oh, it's no problem, my love. No problem at all." He smiled at her then, and coasted his hands up her back, under her camisole to draw her down for another sweet kiss. If she thought she was in heaven before, she knew now that she was wrong, because this was heaven. Lying on top of him, with his hands caressing her back and his tongue tangling with hers, this was paradise. It brought more tears to her eyes when she thought it could have always been like this, sweet and soft. But then she realized, he had always tried to be soft and gentle with her, but she wouldn't have it. She would hit him and cuss him, until the demon in him fought back. But not this time. She stopped him as he tried to roll her over, and she saw the uncertainty flash in his eyes, so she covered his mouth with hers before he could respond. When she finally pulled away, he looked at her in confusion. Didn't she want it? Had she finally realized what a horrible mistake she was making? His inner termoil came to a halt when he felt her small hand unbutton his jeans. He covered her hand with his, "Buffy, what-" She sat up on her knees and looked at him from beneath her lashes, " I want to show you." He still looked confused. "I want to show you how much I love you." He gave her a small smile, " Love, you don't have t-" She reached out and covered his mouth with her fingers, "I know. I want to, please Spike. Let me love you." She finished the last part in a whisper, and she watched as he finally realized what she wanted, and laid back against the pillows.

She leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss against his lips, letting them slide away to drift down his body, until she reached the waist band of his jeans. She noted his heavy breathing with a smile and watched as he flexed his hands beside him on the bed. He wasn't used to these loving caresses, and she was going to change that. She slid her hands up and down his thighs, while she dotted kisses across his stomach, she was delighted with the sounds he was making, the soft gasps which turned sharp when she lowered his zipper with her teeth. She sat up, ran her hands back up his thighs to catch hold of the sides of his jeans and slid them slowly down his legs. She kissed and nibbled her way to his feet, sitting up once again to pull the jeans from around his ankles and remove his socks. She looked up to see his heavy stare and lusty eyes on her, so she slowly ran her hands up her stomach, underneath the silk of her shirt to bring it over her head, she threw it on the floor and then sent the silky panties with it. She saw his jaw and fist clench in unison, both itching to touch the creamy skin she had bared. She ran her hands across his feet and massaged her way to his calves, and then to his thighs, only stopping to run her tongue softly over his skin. He was panting now, trying to control the urge to haul her up the bed and claim her as his. But he let her have this, he knew she needed it as much as he did. By the time she reached his cock, he knew it wouldn't be long, and she hadn't even touched him there yet. And she didn't need to either, because just the sight of her, the feel of her silky hair and breasts teasing him, was enough to send him to the stars. He let out a strangled cry as she finally took him into her hands, and licked him from base to tip and back down. Suckling and nibbling her way to the top again, she let her lips slide over the swollen head, sliding all the way down slowly and back to the top to swirl her tongue around the tip, moaning and savoring him, like water in the desert. He tangled his hands in her hair has she slid her lips over him again and again. When he was about to burst, he gently pulled her head away and closed his eyes to regain control, knowing just the sight of her would set him off. He quickly sat up and pulled her to him and kissed her with everything he had, he poured his heart and soul into her accepting lips, and she gave him hers. When they broke apart they were both gasping, he was on the brink yet again, and so was she. He could tell by the look in her eye and the sweet scent that tickled his senses, that he affected her just as much as she did him. This time when he rolled her over she went willingly, because it was what they both needed, what they craved, the connection.

She cradled his hips between her legs, and rubbed her hands across his shoulders and down his back. His hand coasted down her collarbone to surround one full breast, massaging and squeezing until he dropped his head and took her nipple in his mouth, licking and sucking while she moaned and arched against him. Her fingers tangled in his hair and led him to her other breast so he could inflict the same sweet torture as the first. She dragged his mouth back to hers for a kiss that she could feel in every pore on her body, arching against him trying to fill the need within her. He knew what she needed, because his body was screaming for it as well. Their eyes locked as he slowly pushed within her for the first time, in what felt like forever. And in a way it was the first time, because this time they were making love. No words were needed, their eyes said it all, and they never lost each others gaze. Their eyes stayed locked, speaking volumes of what their mouths could not. It was light and it was fire, it was being born and dying at the same time. It was love and it was theirs. It didn't last long. But it couldn't have, not something that good and pure. They both climaxed at the same instant, eyes locked and mouths wide with silent screams. And when they came down, they held each other and wept.

He rolled her over on top of him and held her sweat drenched body on top of his, and reveled in the feeling of holding her after making love, something he had only dreamed of before. He could feel her tears stream across his chest, so he just held her tighter and let his own fall. "William?" He heard her whisper after catching her breath, "Yes, my love?" She pressed a sweet kiss into his chest, and sighed, "I Love You." He smiled, tightened his arms around her, and closed his eyes, "I Love You." He whispered back in his own shaky, tear filled voice. They lay there together, whispering of their love, and softly caressing each other, until Buffy's stomach began to growl. Spike chuckled and tickled her stomach, "So, should we go and get my baby some breakfast?" He tickled her stomach one last time and kissed her forehead. Buffy's giggles died down, and she clutched him to her, kissing him sweetly, "Maybe in a minute. But right now I want to stay like this, just one moment more."