Prologue

Buffy Summers looked both ways, then slipped around the corner of the Giles' four-car garage. She flattened her body against the wall and moved cautiously, one infinitesimal step at a time. It was vital no one see her.

Liam "Angel" Giles' vehicle, a fancy sports car, was parked just outside the garage and in direct view of the house. She needed to be quick.

Squatting down by the side mirror, she withdrew a bright red tube of lipstick from her pocket, opened it and heavily outlined her lips. Taking a soft white rag from the pocket of her jeans, she wiped his mirror clean and then kissed it several times. The imprint of her mouth was left in bold red.

Buffy sighed with satisfaction as she carefully opened the door on the driver's side and crawled into the front seat. The mirror over the dash was next. Her heart was pounding hard and fast, but it wasn't entirely due to her fear of being discovered. Her heart rate tended to accelerate whenever she thought about Angel.

There wasn't a man in all of Sunnydale who could compete with Angel Giles. To think she'd lived next door to him all these years and hadn't noticed until recently what a hottie he was! As far as Buffy was concerned, he was the sexiest man in the universe.

Outlining her lips with a fresh coat of brilliant red, Buffy was about to kiss the interior mirror when the car door was flung open.

"So it is you."

Her heart sank. Slowly she looked over and her eyes connected with those of William "Spike" Giles, Angel's older brother.

"Hi," she said, pretending it wasn't the least bit weird for her to be sitting in Angel's car kissing the mirrors.

"You, luv, have been quite the mystery. Leaving Peaches love notes and calling at all hours of the night."

"Are you going to tell him it was me?" she asked with a sigh as she climbed out of the car.

"I don't know, pet," Spike replied thoughtfully. "What grade are you in now?"

"Eighth," she responded proudly. "I know Angel's a junior, but I was hoping he'd be willing to wait for me to grow up so we could get married."

"Married!?"

Spike made the word sound ludicrous, making Buffy flare up in anger.

"Just wait until you fall in love," she challenged. "Then you'll know."

"You aren't in love with Angel," Spike said gently. "You're too young to know about things like that. You're infatuated with him because he's older and-"

"I most certainly do love Angel," she interrupted, stuffing the lipstick tube in her pocket. She wasn't about to stand there and let him ridicule her. She might only be thirteen, but she had the heart of a mature woman and she'd made her decision. Someday she would marry Angel Giles, and nothing Spike could say would stand in her way.

"I'm sure that the poofter is flattered by your devotion," Spike said sarcastically.

"He should be. The man who marries me will see himself as the luckiest man in the world." Her words were fed by pure bravado.

Spike just laughed.

Buffy had been willing to overlook his earlier statements because they would be related one day, but this. This was absolutely unforgivable. Hands braced against her hips, she glared at her future brother-in-law.

"You may be a senior Spike, but you don't know a thing about love. When a woman makes up her mind about a man, nothing can change the way she feels. I'm going to marry Angel whether you like it or not. It's destiny."

"You sure about that, pet?"

"Duh!" she said confidently. "Just you wait. You'll see. I will become Buffy Anne Giles."

"Does Liam have a say in this?"

"Naturally."

"What if he doesn't want to marry you? What if he wants to marry some one else?"

"I, I don't know."

"And another thing you haven't thought of, pet." Spike continued.

"What's that?"

Spike smirked. "I just might wanna marry you myself."


Chapter 1

Ten years later.

Buffy Summers' time of reckoning had arrived. For the first time in eight years she was about to face the Giles brothers. Angel didn't concern her. She suspected he wouldn't even remember her antics. Then again, he might. No, Spike was who worried her most. He was the one who caught her red-handed. He was the one who'd mocked her and suggested her devotion to Angel was just a little crush. He was right. She sincerely hoped Spike would have the good grace not to dreg up the past.

Swallowing her dread, Buffy walked into the high-rise office building in the most prestigious part of downtown Sunnydale.

She was nervous. The last time she spent any time with either of the Giles brothers she'd been caught kissing rearview mirrors.

Looking back, she knew she'd been the comic relief to both families. Young love, however, refused to be denied. Risking her family's censure, Buffy sought after Angel all through high school. It wasn't until Riley Finn asked her to the graduation dance that she'd realized there were other fish in the sea.

Although Buffy let her infatuation with Angel die gracefully, neither set of parents had. Particularly, Rupert and Jenny Giles. They thought the way Buffy felt about Angel was "cute," and they mentioned it every now and again, renewing her embarrassment.

When Rupert or, as she referred to him as, Giles heard that Buffy had recently graduated from business college with a certificate as a legal assistant, he'd insisted she apply with the family firm. Since jobs were hard to come by, she'd decided to swallow her pride and face the two brothers.

"I have an appointment with William Giles," she said to the receptionist.

"Ms. Summers?" The blonde asked cheerfully.

"Yup that's me." Buffy replied with a smile.

"Have a seat and I'll tell him you're here."

"Thanks."

Buffy sat in one of the richly upholstered chairs and reached for a People magazine. She hadn't even scanned the magazine's contents page before the elder Giles brother appeared. She'd seen Spike often, from a distance, but this was the first time they'd spoken in months, possibly years.

"Hello, luv. It's good to see you again," Spike said, stepping forward.



"I think," Spike said casually, during the middle of Buffy's interview, "you're still infatuated with Peaches."

"Well, I think you don't know me at all," Buffy responded with an upraised eyebrow, trying to sound just as casual.

"You've had a crush on Liam for years."

"When I was in high school, yes, I had a huge crush on him, but that has nothing to do with me applying for this position, and even if I did, that is none of your business."

"So you do then?" Spike accused with a smirk.

"I got over it."

"He's changed, pet. He isn't the man you knew."

"Yea, mom mentioned that when I talked to her."

"Do you know why?" he asked.

Buffy shook her head.

"Well, then, I might as well tell you since you'll bloody well find out soon enough anyway. He was in love with some chit. It didn't work out. No one knows what happened, but he has been broodin' ever since."

"He must have loved her very much," Buffy said softly.

"Yea, but that has nothing to do with your employment," Spike said quickly changing the subject once again. "You'll be working directly with Angel. How soon can you start?"

Buffy smiled. "As soon as you want me to."

"Well then, I'll just give Ms. McClay a ring. She's Angel's secretary, and she'll show you the ropes."

Spike pushed down a button on his intercom. "Hey Ahn, call up Tara. Tell her to come to my office to show Buffy around."

"Sure thing, Spike. Don't get any ideas with her. She works here now." Anya's voice came over the speaker.

Spike had the decency to blush as he responded, "I have only good intentions for Little Buffy Summers." Buffy, who had been chuckling at Anya's statement, immediately bristled. "I'm not a little kid anymore. If I'm going to work for you and Angel, you both need to figure that out. I've grown up."

She stood up as a meek blonde woman walked in the room.

"Hi, Tara is it? I'm Buffy." She smiled warmly as she held out her hand.

Buffy's warmth put Tara at ease. She shook her hand saying, "Come on, I'll show you to our office."

They walked out of the room, but Buffy stopped at the doorway turning to face Spike, "Am I going to work for you, Mr. Giles?"

Spike smirked, checking her over. "Ok, pet, you've grown up. Got it."

Buffy turned and followed Tara out.

"You most certainly have," he said to himself as he leaned back in his chair.

"I heard that," Anya said over the speaker.



"I think you'll like the law library," Tara said as she led her down the hall.

The library was huge, with row upon row of thick dusty volumes. Long narrow tables with a number of chairs were scattered about the room. Buffy knew she'd be spending the majority of her research time here and was pleased by how pleasant it was. She noticed the faint scent of lemon oil and smiled as she saw various types of potted plants set here and there, including a speckled broad-leaved ivy that stretched across the top of one large bookcase.

"This is very nice."

"Mr. Giles has worked hard to make sure our work environment is pleasing to the eye," Tara responded.

"Spike's like that," Buffy murmured.

"I was talking about the younger Mr. Giles," came the surprised response.

"Oh, yea, of course," Buffy said quickly.



By the end of the first day, Buffy felt as though she'd put in a forty-hour week. Tara felt it was her duty to keep Buffy occupied with a multitude tasks which included taking lunch orders, organizing file cabinets and hand-delivering messages throughout the office.

Just when she was about to think she wouldn't even lay eyes on Angel her first day, he breezed into the office, stopping abruptly when he saw her.

"Betty," he whispered as though he'd stumbled upon a treasure chest. His eyes suffused with delight. "What are you doing here?"

"It's Buffy," she corrected him, refusing to be offended by his failure to remember her name. "I'm here because I'm working for you now."

"William hired Ms. Summers as your new legal assistant," Tara informed him.

Angel stepped forward, gripping Buffy's hand in his own. "This must be Christmas in July! Why else would Will present me with such a rare gift."

"Christmas in July," Buffy repeated, having a difficult time not laughing. What she'd heard about Angel was true, she decided. He was a huge flirt, but she knew he wasn't serious.

"There, there are a few matters here that n-need your attention," Tara said meekly with a stutter Buffy hadn't heard before.

"I'll be with you in a few minutes," Angel said, not taking his eyes off Buffy.

"Just, please, don't leave before these letters are signed, Mr. Giles."

"Tara, please call me Angel."

"Have you been working on the brief for the Chase Corporation?" Tara asked, following him into his office.

"The Chase Corporation," Angel repeated as if he'd never heard the name before. "It's not due anytime soon is it?"

"It's due first thing Friday morning, Angel," she responded a hint of panic in her voice.

"I'll have it ready by then. What day is this anyway?"

"Angel, you've got to start coming into the office before closing time!" Tara's anger masking any nervousness she felt around her boss.

"Sweetheart, I always get the job done. The brief will be done on time, don't worry," he said as he ushered his secretary out of the door. He paused when his gaze fell on Buffy and he winked. Then the door closed and Angel disappeared.

Tara shook her head and glanced toward Buffy. "Angel's been going through some rough times lately," she explained.

"How long has he been without a legal assistant?"

"Quite a while now. He didn't seem to think he'd need one. Spike's cut his work load and, well, things just. things just haven't been the same around here for quite a while."

Buffy was leaving for the day when she happened upon Spike. He was laughing with Anya about something. He looked amazing, and she wondered briefly why he hadn't married. Tagged onto that thought came another, one that took her by surprise. She realized she was happy Spike hadn't married.

"Hello, luv. How was you're first day?" he asked when he saw her.

"Oh, it was great."

"Tara isn't working you too hard?"

"Tara? No, she's a sweetheart."

"Yeah, she's a bit shy, but you get used to it."

"Thank you for giving me a chance," she said conversationally.

Spike's smile was rueful. "You may not be thanking me later. That wanker is a bloody handful, but if there is someone who could get him back on track, it's you."

"Me?" she asked, confused.

Spike broke eye contact and looked away. "Everybody needs to feel worshipped now and then, don't you think?"

"Um." Buffy didn't know what to say. Clearly, Spike hadn't hired her because of her high test scores at Sunnydale U.

"You actually got the job?" Cordelia Chase said over the telephone line, her voice raised with astonishment. "You were hired just like that, by one of the city's most prestigious law firms? Wait till I tell Willow... She's gonna flip. Medical School has been kicking her ass."

"Well, Mrs. Osbourne has a lot to worry about, a baby being on the way and all. Plus, it also helps that I've known the family since I've been born," Buffy said with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Why is it that everything comes so easy for you?" Cordelia lamented.

"Me? You're the one trying out for a lead in Guys and Dolls. By the way, how did auditions go?"

"I don't know. It's so hard to tell. I would kill for that part, but everyone else was so good."

"Well, I have faith in you. You're a natural, Cordy." It was true, her friend had a knack for the dramatic, and that had always made their friendship so interesting.

"Between you and Devon, I'm going to get a big head."

"Too late."

"Look who's talking, Ms. Fiesta Queen."

"Ok, Prom Queen."

"Fine, fine. I give. I am amazing, but you already knew that. How did your interview with Spike go?"

"Really well, I think." Spike had dominated her thoughts all afternoon. He'd changed she decided, or maybe she was the one who was different. Whichever, she found herself enthralled by the man. The thought of working with him excited her.

"What about the other one? Angel?"

"I'm his legal assistant."

Cordy noticed the hesitation in her voice because she asked, "What? Are you scared you're gonna act like a total stalker-again?"

"What? No! I was thirteen!"

After she'd hung up, Buffy emailed Willow. When Willow and Oz moved to Boston, Buffy took a computer course to learn how to use the internet.

Despite her best efforts, her thoughts kept coming back to Spike. The last thing she wanted was to make a fool of herself over another Giles.

According to her mom, Jenny had complained that her elder son didn't take enough time for fun in his life. What Spike needed, Buffy had now decided, was to fall in love with a woman who would take his mind off his work. Someone fun. Someone who would make him laugh and enjoy life. Someone who appreciated him. Someone like me.



The following day, Angel didn't show up at the office until well after eleven. Tara had been pleasantly surprised to see him there before her lunch break.

"Good morning, Mr. Giles," she said, showing much more confidence than she had previously when he was around. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Angel seemed to need time to think about this. "I hadn't noticed, but you're right, it is a gorgeous day," he said as he reached for his mail and leafed through the envelopes.

He was on his way into the office when he noticed Buffy sitting at her desk.

"Good morning, Mr. Giles," she offered.

"Angel," he insisted. "You can call Will Mr. Giles if you insist, but I'm Angel."

"Alright then. Good morning, Angel."

"It is a good morning, isn't it" he asked, giving her a roguish grin. Buffy couldn't help but respond with a smile of her own. She hadn't noticed it so much the day before, but there were definite changes in the Angel she remembered. He was thinner and his smiles didn't quite reach his eyes. Another thing she couldn't help noticing was the way everyone walked on eggshells around him. Tara had made a point of letting her know Angel's work load had been cut, and Spike had said Angel hadn't yet recovered from a broken relationship.

"It's been a long time since we've had a chance to talk, hasn't it?" Angel asked, walking over and sitting on the edge of Buffy's desk.

"A very long time," she agreed, praying he wouldn't bring up any of her childish attempts at capturing his heart. It was embarrassing enough to have Spike do it.

"I think we should make up for lost opportunities, don't you? Tell you what - I'll treat you to lunch." He checked his watch and seemed surprised at the time. "We'll leave in half an hour. That'll give me enough time to clear whatever's on my desk."

"Wait. You wanna take me to lunch? Today?" Buffy asked.

"It's the least I can do," Angel replied with a shrug.

"But-"

"That's a great idea," Tara interjected, clearly pleased.

"It's only my second day."

"Buffy, sweetie, we're going to lunch. Don't argue with your boss," Angel said with a smile.



Ten minutes later, despite Buffy's protests, Angel was leading her out to his car. As they passed Spike's office, he was walking out. His gaze shifted from Buffy to Angel.

"Buffy and I are on our way to lunch." Angel explained. "Do you need me for anything?"

"No. Go ahead. We'll talk later. Meeting in my office tomorrow, mate?"

"Don't miss me too much, brother."

"Oh, I don't know how I'll go on." Spike muttered sarcastically. "Now go. Your lady's waiting."



At lunch, Angel didn't want to talk about himself. Instead, he continually asked her questions about herself. Although he appeared attentive, Buffy suspected his thoughts were elsewhere. At least he refrained from bringing up the past and her crush.

After their dishes were cleared away, Angel took out a pad and pen. "I'm going to be working on a civil suit that'll demand a lot of research," he told Buffy. His eyes were bright with enthusiasm she hadn't seen since high school. "The case involves R.J. Brooks. Do you remember reading about him?"

Buffy nodded. The unusual details of the case had been in the local newspapers for weeks. The twenty-year-old former athlete was suing the Sunnydale School District for his education. She remembered that during her senior year of high school everyone was excited because RJ was a prominent freshman that would lead the athletic department to victory.

Buffy now wished she had brought a pen and a notebook herself. She listened carefully as Angel explained the suit. RJ was a very talented athlete as the quarterback of the football team, point guard during basketball season, and pitcher on the all-district baseball team. He had to maintain a C average to be eligible to play, but RJ had a learning disability and struggled with his reading skills. He graduated and was awarded a scholarship only because his teachers were pressured by the school district into giving him passing grades. When he went to college, he got a severe knee injury during football camp that ended his career. Within two months, RJ had flunked out.

Buffy needed to research the outcome of similar suits filed in other parts of the country.

So the real reason for this lunch was to work on the case, Buffy thought.

By the time they had returned to the office, their lunch hour had stretched to three. Buffy felt like every one in the office was staring at them. She tried to walk directly to her desk without calling attention to herself, but as she passed Spike's office he called out "It's called a lunch hour for a reason, pet."

Angel just laughed while Buffy looked at her shoes. It was all she could do not to tell him it had been a business lunch, but with Angel standing there she didn't want to look stupid. She decided to stay late to make up for the long lunch.

Although it was well after seven when she started out of the office, quite a few people were still there.

"Buffy." Spike said as he walked out of his office.

"Hey, Spike."

"How'd the lunch go with brother dearest?" he asked.

"It was great. We talked all about the RJ Brooks case," Buffy replied, trying to emphasize that they had been working.

They discussed Angel and the case a little more before finally parting ways in the garage parking lot.

As Buffy walked home, she at last understood why she was hired for this job. Spike still thought of her as a teenage girl obsessed with his younger brother. If ever there was a time Angel needed to feel idolized, it was now. She'd been hired, not for her legal skills, but to help his brother forget all about Faith.



The following morning around ten, Angel, his smile bright enough to rival the sun, breezed into the office and presented Buffy with a bouquet of a dozen blood red roses. Their perfume filled the room.

Buffy didn't know what to say. "For me?"

"I need a favor," Angel said, leaning against the edge of her desk, his face scant inches from her own.

"Sure." She was holding the flowers against her like a beauty queen, inhaling their heavenly scent.

Angel reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a folded sheet of yellow paper. "I need you to do some last-minute research for me."

"That's my job."

"There're some statutes I need you to look up and report back to me on as soon as possible. Will you do that for me, Buffy?"

Buffy smiled, but then as she looked at the number of items Angel wanted her to research her heart sank. "How soon do you need all this?"

"Yesterday," he replied frankly.

Tara made a sarcastic tsk-tsk sound, and Buffy smile returned. Angel's eyes twinkled and he whispered rather loudly, "There's nothing worse than a woman who can't let 'I told you so' pass. Remember that, Buffy."

Tara looked Angel dead in the eye and said, "I told you so."

Buffy laughed lightly. "I'd best get started. I'll get this all done tonight."

"Good girl," Angel replied looking at her. "And you, Ms. McClay, should really stop hanging around Anya. She's a bad influence on my once sweet and shy secretary."

Tara giggled and blushed furiously as she arranged the flowers in a vase and placed it on the edge of Buffy's desk. Buffy rushed down the hall to the legal library to get to work. She worked straight through her lunch hour. She didn't notice the time until it was well after three, when her stomach rumbled in protest. Even then she didn't take the time to sit down to eat, but grabbed an apple and munched on it while she continued to search for the required data.

The next time she looked up, the clock on the wall said seven forty-five. She'd heard the others leave, but that seemed like only minutes ago. She stood up and, placed her hand at the base of her spine, arched her stiff back and breathed in deeply.

Her eyes felt tired and her back sore as she carried her paperwork into the office. She stopped, surprised to find the room dark. She flicked the lights on and looked around, certain Angel had left a note for her.

He hadn't.

Picking up one of the roses, she held it to her nose and closed her eyes as she tried to battle down weariness-and disappointment.

"Buffy, luv, what are you doing here?"

"Spike." She could ask him the same question.

"It's nearly eight o'clock, pet."

"I guess I got a little carried away."

"You certainly did, little one. I thought I was here alone. You shouldn't be staying this late."

She glanced toward Angel's office. "What time did Liam leave?" she asked trying to sound casual, not wanting him to know how abused she felt.

"Peaches left a couple hours ago. Why?" the question was out of his mouth before he had time to suppress it. If Buffy was still infatuated with the wanker, it wasn't any of his business.

"Well, he acted like this information had to be done tonight-that he needed it right away." She'd been in a frenzy attempting to finish the task as quickly as possible. She'd assumed he would wait until she'd collected the data he seemed to need so desperately.

"I think he said something about a bloody dinner engagement. I don't know though. I don't listen much when that git talks," Spike explained.

"I see," she muttered. In other words, he'd cheerfully abandoned her.

"Are you okay, luv? You sound angry."

"I am. I worked through lunch hour getting this stuff for him." And dinner hour, too, she thought, feeling even angrier. She realized too late that she probably also sounded jealous.

"I'm sorry, luv."

"It's no big," Buffy replied, trying desperately not to sound jealous. That was the last thing she wanted Spike to think. "It was just rude of him."

"Yeah, well what do you expect from Peaches?"

"I don't know. He's not how I remember him."

"Yeah, well, things change. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, a little hungry maybe." Her stomach growled in protest.

Spike smirked. "A little? When's the last time you've eaten a meal?"

"Uh."

"That's it."

"What?"

Spike grabbed her arm and led her outside. "I'm taking you to dinner, giving you a real meal."

"What? No. I mean you don't have to," Buffy replied as she fell into step beside him

"Pet, you're hungry. I'm hungry. Let's get un-hungry together."

"Um. Fine, but only cuz you used the phrase un-hungry," Buffy said with a smile.

"What?"

"Oh, originality scores big on the Buffy scale, plus earns you some Fonzy cool points," Buffy explained.

"Eh." Spike muttered as he led her into a restaurant only a few blocks from the office.

Dinner went by great. Spike seemed fascinated with Buffy's life. She told him stories about her friends, school, boys, everything.

"Cordelia Chase?! Of Chase Corporations?" Spike asked skeptically.

"Yes, what's so hard to believe about that?"

"She gave up all her money to become an actress?!"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"It's her dream. Her dad didn't support her, said that he wouldn't pay for her to become a nobody. She told him to take his money and shove it up his ass."

"Wow." Spike said in awe. "Sometimes I wish I had the guts to say something like that to Rupes."

"You don't want to be a lawyer?" Buffy asked as Spike paid for the meal.

"At first I didn't. I fancied myself a writer actually," Spike replied, grabbing her elbow and leading her out of the restaurant. "But now I love it. I always have wondered though. What if I...well, I suppose it doesn't matter."

"I suppose it does."

"It looks like rain," Spike said, changing the subject.

No sooner had he spoken when fat raindrops began to fall. Taking Buffy by the elbow again, he raced across the street. Neither had thought to bring an umbrella. Spike led her to an alcove in front of a bookstore. The business had closed hours earlier, but the covered entrance was a good place to wait out the cloudburst. A chill raced over Buffy, and she rubbed her arms vigorously.

Spike's slender hands replaced hers, then he stopped and peeled off his duster, draping it over her shoulders.

"Spike, I'm fine," she protested, not wanting him to be cold just because she forgot a jacket.

"You're shivering."

"Well now you will be."

"You're shivering," Spike repeated.

"Thank you," Buffy said softly, breaking the awkward silence that had occurred.

Spike tilted his head, and smiled a smile that was almost shy. "Don't mention it, luv."



The downpour lasted a good ten minutes. Buffy was surprised at how quickly the time passed. When the storm dwindled to a drizzle and eventually stopped, Buffy discovered she was almost sorry. She listened as Spike told her about the books that were on display. She loved to watch his eyes light up when she would ask about a particular book he liked.

"Did you drive to work this morning?"

"I can't drive," Buffy replied sheepishly.

"I'll give you a lift then, pet."

"Really, Spike I don't mind walking."

"Well I mind."

They returned to the office building, walking directly to Spike's car. Spike opened the car door for her and she nestled back in the leather seat.

One thing she'd learned during their time together was the fact that Spike was protective of his younger brother, though she doubted Angel appreciated that.

"You're worried about him, aren't you?' she asked, without clarifying her question.

"Yeah."

"Angel's the real reason you hired me, isn't he? You think I might be able to help him through this...difficult time." It wasn't a responsibility she welcomed or wanted. She was about to explain that when she noticed the way his mouth quirked into an amused smirk.

Instead she told him sharply, "I'm not thirteen anymore. What I felt for Liam was just a silly crush. It was over years ago." That was the simple truth.

He shrugged noncommittally.

"Nevertheless," she forged on, "you hired me because of Angel?"

It took Spike a long time to answer. "Sometimes I wonder," he finally said. "Sometimes, luv, I wonder."

A/N ok...virtually dead for months and now continously updating...don't ask me why.


Buffy arrived early the next morning, hoping to have a chance to thank Spike again for dinner and more importantly to tell him that she enjoyed his company. But when she passed his office, the door was closed and Anya was searching urgently through a file drawer. It didn't look like the time to just pop in.

Not surprisingly, Angel was nowhere to be seen. Tara arrived about ten minutes later, sorting through the mail.

Buffy spent the first part of the morning organizing the material she'd researched the day before and typing her notes while convincing Tara that there was nothing going on between her and Angel.

She'd just completed printing out the results when a breathless Angel entered the office. From the look of him, he'd raced all the way up from his car. Briefcase in hand, he marched up to her desk.

"Do you have those notes ready?" he asked, reaching for the file before Buffy had the chance to present it. She stood up, intending to discuss a number of points with him, but he brushed past her and hurried into his office without a word. She would have followed him, but he closed the door.

Buffy was taken aback. Unsure of what to do, she looked at Tara. The sweet secretary just sighed and shrugged. "Working for Mr. Giles, well. Angel, can be a real trial," she muttered then grinned and added, "No pun intended."

Buffy just rolled her eyes and looked up to see that Angel had re-emerged from his office and was leafing casually through the file. He looked over at Buffy and his face relaxed into a broad smile.

"You're an angel," he said, kissing her cheek as he walked past. Buffy had seen him kiss Tara in the same affectionate way, so she thought nothing of it.

"I'll be in a meeting with Will this morning," Angel announced on his way out the door.

As the morning progressed, Buffy found herself wondering exactly what her role in the office was. Although Angel had recently been assigned the RJ Brooks case, his work load had been light in the past few months. Now that she'd finished the research project, there was barely enough to keep her busy.

From various bits and pieces, Buffy had learned that Angel's interest in corporate law had waned recently. Surely Spike hadn't hired her expecting miracles? Since he was so skittish about Angel's troubles, Buffy wondered if Tara could fill in some details. She didn't want to be obvious about asking, which could prove tricky since Tara was clearly sensitive about people's feelings.

"Angel's quite the lunchable isn't he? Much salty goodness to be had there. Plus he's such a flirt!" Buffy pretended to gush.

"Yea, if you're into that sort of thing." Tara said quietly.

Buffy gave her a weird side glance. "Completely gorgeous isn't your 'kind of thing'?"

"Completely male isn't my kind of thing."

"Oh, so. Do you have a girlfriend or something?"

"Yes, her name is Dawn."

"That's pretty. Who's Faith?" Buffy asked, changing the subject abruptly.

"That woman. Stole poor Liam's heart. She was the only woman he ever loved, and I guess she didn't feel the same way about him..." Tara clamped her mouth closed as though she'd already said far more than she should.

But Buffy had already known all that. She wanted details. Who was this woman who'd hurt Angel so badly? Her back stiffened at the thought of someone rejecting him. The man she'd worshiped during her teenage years. Whoever this woman was, Buffy decided, she was a total bitch.

At about eleven Angel, walked back into the office. He smiled as he strolled past Tara's desk to hers. "The research you did was great, Buffy. Thank you."

His appreciation caught her off guard. She wondered if Spike had said something to him and was momentarily speechless.

"Will said you were here till almost eight."

"It's nothing to worry about. That's my job."

"Mom and Dad are having a barbecue this weekend," Angel continued, "Saturday around four. I'd like you to go with me."

His invitation threw her for another loop. She wasn't sure what to say. Although she hadn't had a lot of work experience, she knew that dating the boss could lead to problems.

"This shouldn't be a difficult decision," Angel said, grinning.

His pride had already suffered one blow, and Buffy discovered she was unwilling to deliver the second, no matter how slight. "I guess it could be fun," she said. "Thanks for thinking of me."

He smiled affectionately. "You were always such a sweet little thing."

As a teenager, Buffy's daydreams had been filled with such scenarios. She'd close her eyes and pretend Angel had asked her to the Bronze or somewhere cool like that. Now her dream had come true, but Buffy was left wishing it had been Spike issuing the invitation, instead of his brother.

"I'll pick you up. You are living in the city, aren't you?"

Buffy nodded. "Wouldn't it be simpler if we met at the party? I'm spending the weekend with my parents-I can just walk over with them." Buffy and Angel's parents both lived near the shore about 15 minutes out of town.

Angel seemed a bit surprised by her suggestion. "You're sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Great then. I look forward to seeing you there."

There'd been a time in her life when she would have gladly walked across fire to go somewhere with Angel. Anywhere. Hadn't Spike been counting on that when he hired her? Even if he claimed to know she was long over her crush?

"You can dance can't you, sweetness?"

"Uh, not the kind of dancing you would do at a family gathering," Buffy said with a wry grin.

"I guess we'll just have to leave the fancy footwork to Will."

Spike, she thought with a sigh. There was clearly something wrong with her, something psychological, something rooted deep in her childhood, she guessed, if she could go on a date with one brother while wanting the other, especially when said other brother would be attending this party as well.

The hours flew by and before Buffy knew it, the workday had come to an end. Tara had just stepped out of the office when Spike casually strolled in.

"Angel's left for the day," Buffy said, a little flustered to find him standing in front of her desk. Especially since she'd again been thinking how much she would rather attend the party with him.

"I'm not here to see my brother."

"Tara will be right back."

"I came to see you, pet," Spike explained, his eyes dark and intense as they settled on her.

Buffy tensed. Did he have some complaint with her work?

"Don't look so worried. I came to tell you my parents are holding a party this weekend."

"Yea, Angel mentioned it earlier."

Buffy swore Spike's eyes brightened with interest. He crossed his arms and leaned against her desk. "What did he say about it?"

"Not much."

"I see." He hesitated as if he was unsure, which Buffy knew was completely un-Spike like. "I was wondering." he began, then straightened and buried his hands deep in his pants pockets. "Would you like to come to the party with me?"

Her shoulders sagged as she opened her mouth to explain that Angel had already invited her, but before she could respond Spike added, "I realize it's short notice, but I didn't know about it until this morning." A hint of a smile turned up the corners of his mouth. "Mum phoned, wanting to be sure I'd be there. She takes her duties as hostess very seriously."

"Ah."

"There's a problem," he guessed.

She nodded glumly. "Angel's already invited me to the party - as his date." She wanted to tell Spike she'd much prefer to go with him, but she couldn't. "I'm sorry," she added.

"He did?" Instead of looking displeased at the turn of events, Spike clearly sounded delighted. "Don't be sorry."

His reaction annoyed her. A lot.

"It isn't like a real date," she said, wanting to make that clear. "At least that was the impression Angel gave off. He was thanking me for working so hard on the research project. He was giving thanks to the wonder that is Buffy's note-taking skills. Much like the pilgrims thanked the Indians-er Native Americans, but instead of Thanksgiving Day, it's like Thanks-Buffy Day." Buffy blushed, then quickly added, "Sorry babbling."

"That was some high class babbling at least.Trust me, Angel wouldn't invite you if he wasn't interested in your company," Spike insisted. "Besides, I wouldn't want my brother to think I was cutting into his territory."

His territory.

Spike must have guessed her feelings, because he quickly amended his words, "After all, Angel did ask you first, luv."

He was right about that, she thought, but little else.

Spike turned away, and it suddenly became important to Buffy to explain herself. "I don't think you should put much stock in Angel's invite. Really it's stockless."

"It's a start though, don't you think?" Spike said over his shoulder. "A good start, at that." He left her then, before she could respond.

Buffy was upset, and it wasn't until she got home that she figured out why. Spike didn't invite her to the party out of any real desire for her company. He'd assumed that Angel hadn't asked her and he was looking for an opportunity to throw her and his brother together socially.



"It was sweet of Angel to include you," Joyce Summers said to Buffy and Cordelia as they got ready for the party. "Not that I'm surprised, him being your boss and all. Life is full of little twists and turns, isn't it?"

"It sure is," Buffy replied, not thinking about Angel at all.

"I'm thrilled that you're working with Angel."

"He's a nice person."

"He's wonderful. It's always been my dream, I know it's silly, but well, we're such good friends with the Giles. I've hoped you'd grow up to marry one of Jenny's boys."

"Whatever you do," Buffy said quickly, "don't ever say that in front of Spike or Angel."

"Why not, dear?"

"Mom, it'd be embarrassing!"

"But you were so smitten with Angel a few years back, and I thought-I hoped."

"Mother! I was thirteen!" Why did everyone insist on fixating on her silly high school crush? Let it die people!

"Alright, Alright." Joyce said, holding up her hands as a sign of surrender.

Cordy merely chuckled throughout the entire exchange.



Even before Buffy and her parents arrived for the barbecue, the pungent smells of tomato sauce, spices, and roasting meat mingled with the afternoon sunshine and drifted over the fence.

As they were greeted at the front door, Buffy was reminded, by the way Jenny hugged her mother, what very good friends the two women were. Their friendship spanned twenty years, and they were like sisters. Buffy felt the same way about Cordy and Willow.

When Buffy didn't immediately see Angel or Spike, she wandered outside. A series of round tables decorated in red checked tablecloths were scattered across the lush expanse of lawn. The day was perfect, warm but not hot, and the sky was cloudless. A soft breeze ruffled the leaves of the large shade tress that lined the property. The smells of food were heavenly, too, reminding her how hungry she was. Shopping and preparing for the party hadn't left time for lunch.

Several dozen guests had arrived, and Buffy scanned the crowd. She spotted Angel standing next to a lovely blonde. Buffy didn't recognize the woman, and a few discreet inquiries got her nowhere. She became all the more curious. She attempted to make her way to Angel, since she was officially his date, but really, she just wanted to know who the blonde woman was. Perhaps it was Angel's new romantic interest, she thought hopefully. But before she could reach them, she was waylaid by some family friends. Most of the Giles' guests were older people, established names Buffy had known or heard all her life.

"Hello, Buffy," Spike said from behind her.

His eyes glimmered with appreciation. "You look-" he hesitated as though he didn't know what to say "-good."

Buffy wagered that it wasn't often Spike was at a loss for words.

"I imagine you're wondering who that blonde is, the one draping herself all over Angel," he suggested casually.

Buffy pretended she was, although she couldn't help being grateful to this unknown woman for keeping Angel occupied. Otherwise he might feel obliged to pay attention to her, and she'd much rather spend her time with Spike.

"Who is she?" Buffy asked, playing his game.

"Do I detect a small hint of jealousy?"

"Of course not." The question irritated her greatly.

"That's Darla Stone."

"Who?"

"Her father is new here. He might become a partner at Chase Corporations."

That explained it. Mr. Stone would probably become a client of theirs. Buffy was pleased to see him apparently enjoying himself.

"Would you like me to introduce you?" Spike asked.

"No," Buffy said, noticing Darla and Angel moving toward the dance area. "Angel's having a good time. I see no reason to interrupt."

"You're his date."

"But only because you wanted it that way."

Spike's eyes narrowed. "What makes you say that?"

"I'm not completely naïve, you know. I know the reason you came into my office to invite me was that you didn't think Angel had - you wanted to make sure the two of us were together in a social situation so you could see what happened. Am I right?"

He joined his hands behind his back and took two small steps away, then turned to face her again. She saw a hint of a smile in his eyes. "If you're right-though I'm not saying you are-I'd never admit it."

"No wonder you're a lawyer. You must wreak havoc on a jury."

"That's what I get paid for."

Buffy looked toward the dance area again and couldn't see Angel and Darla. When she glanced over at the picnic area, she found the pair sitting at a table beneath a large elm tree munching on barbeque sandwiches.

"She's beautiful," Buffy murmured, watching the couple, "No wonder Angel's forgotten me."

"Darla may be beautiful, but you are even more so," Spike returned quickly, then looked as if he regretted speaking.

"Thank you."

"I shouldn't have said that."

"Why not? That makes me think you didn't mean it."

"I shouldn't be the one saying such things to you," Spike replied. "You're Angel's date."

"He seems to have forgotten, which is fine by me. I'd rather spend my valuable time with you anyways."

"With me?" Spike repeated, sounding appalled by the mere suggestion. "Are you hungry?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Not really," she said, thinking Spike might conveniently leave her once they've sat.

Spike eyed her speculatively. "Are you sure?"

"Well, maybe I'm a little bit hungry. Will you come sit with me?"

"If you insist, lu- Buffy."

The band started to play a popular tune, and as her foot tapped to the beat, Buffy enjoyed the feast. Angel seemed to have forgotten her, but she was far from being offended, feeling only a sense of relief.

Spike's invitation to dance came as quite a surprise. "Why do you wanna dance with me?" she asked, thinking it somehow involved his brother.

"Do I need a reason, pet?"

Buffy hesitated, then nodded. "If you're thinking it's a way to get Angel to notice me, then I'd rather sit out."

"What if I said it was because I wanted to see how you fit in my arms?"

Her heart gave a flutter. "Then I'd agree." She met his gaze directly. "So why do you wanna dance with me?"

He took a long time deciding, much longer than should have been necessary. Slowly he pushed back his chair and stood. "Why don't we find out together," he suggested, leading her by the hand toward the farthest reaches of the dance area.

The party was in full swing by now, with a good number of couples gently swaying to the music. Several old family friends stopped to chat with Buffy and Spike as they made their way toward the dancers, and Buffy could sense Spike's impatience.

They reached the outskirts of the crowd, and Spike turned Buffy in his arms. They fit together perfectly, like jigsaw pieces. Spike was an excellent dancer, actually moving around the dance floor instead of spinning in circles or just swaying back and forth. He held her loosely about the waist and gazed down at her as if they'd been dancing together all their lives.

"You're good at this."

Spike simply smirked and said, "That amazes you, doesn't it?"

"Yes." It was pointless to deny it. She was discovering that Spike was full of surprises. Just then Buffy felt someone brush against her. She turned to see Angel, partnered with Darla.

"Well, well, if it isn't Buffy and Spike," Angel said with a smile, not sounding jealous in the least.

It hadn't taken long to attract Angel's attention, and Buffy groaned inwardly, wondering if Spike planned it this way.

"You haven't met Darla, have you?" Angel murmured. Without waiting for a response, he made the introductions.

Buffy could see that the blonde had fallen under Angel's spell, just like most women did. Buffy nearly felt sorry for the unsuspecting woman. Angel did have a reputation as a playboy.

The two couples moved off to get something to drink. They were making small talk and sipping punch when Spike suddenly asked Darla to dance. The woman glanced anxiously at Angel, clearly reluctant to leave him. Buffy smiled softly to herself, recognizing Spike's ploy. He'd all but thrown her and Angel together.

Spike and Darla joined the throng of dancers. "This has been fun," Buffy said to Angel. "Your mom throws great parties."

"Uh huh," Angel commented distractedly, his eyes following the other couple. "Shall we?" he asked, holding out his hand to her.

It became apparent as they moved into the dancing area that Angel was more interested in keeping an eye on Darla than dancing with Buffy. She and Angel made polite conversation, but his attention wandered as often as her own. The dance couldn't end soon enough for either of them.

When it did, she was grateful Spike and Darla were on the far side of the dance area, because she needed time and space to figure out her thoughts. Angel was whisked away by an older couple who wanted to speak to him privately. He cast Buffy an apologetic look and moved away.

She moseyed over to the far reaches of the property, near the fence that bordered her parents' home. A white footbridge spanned a good-size pond. She stood in the middle of the bridge, dropping small rocks into the still water and watching the ripples.

Being so absorbed, she didn't hear Spike approach and was startled to hear him speak. "I wondered if I'd find you here," he said.

"I used to come here a lot when I was growing up," Buffy admitted. "It's so peaceful, so safe."

A duck glided past and again the still water was disturbed. Buffy wished she'd thought to bring bread crumbs. When she was younger, she always brought bread crumbs.

Spike was silent for a moment, then he said, "You're sick as a parrot, aren't you?"

"Huh? Parrots are sick?"

Spike chuckled good-naturedly. "No, luv, it means upset."

"Upset? About what?"

"It's over, you know," Spike assured her softly. "It was over a long time ago-more than six months now. I thought Angel would get over her, but I was wrong."

Oh shit, Buffy thought. Apparently Spike thought she was here at the pond brooding about Angel, when in fact nothing could be farther from the truth. She'd been standing on the bridge thinking about her relationship or lack thereof with Spike.

"Who was she?" Buffy was still curious.

"Someone he met at the beach. No name the family had ever heard of before, not that it mattered. Faith Evans."

"What happened?"

"I don't think anyone really knows for sure. Angel was devastated. Brooded for weeks, you know how he can be. He hasn't been the same since. He'd been in and out of a dozen relationships, and I just thought he wouldn't really fall for anyone, but I was wrong."

"You have no idea what happened between him and Faith?"

"No. He changed abruptly after the breakup, started working odd hours. But his heart clearly wasn't in it, so I cut back his work load. That helped for a time, but now I think I've really bollocks'd things up. I've never seen him more miserable."

"Why don't you just talk to him?"

"I've tried," Spike admitted, "but it hasn't helped. If anything, he's resented my prying. This broken relationship seems to have cut him more deeply than he's willing to admit."

"He'll get over her," Buffy said reassuringly. "It just takes time."

"I thought so, too." Spike shrugged. "But now I wonder. It's been more than six months." He paused, gazing down at the water. "He needs you, Buffy. You might be the only one able to reach him."

"Me?"

"I knew the minute Da mentioned you were coming to apply for a job that you could very well be the answer to our prayers." She started to say something, but Spike wouldn't let her. "You're just going to need a lot of patience."

Buffy sighed in frustration. "If I'm going to need patience, it's with you. You and your family seem to think I'm still a kid with a crush on Angel."

Spike's eyes darkened. "All right, All right, I didn't mean to offend. You're old enough to make up your own mind."

"Thank you for that," she said. Turning away from him, she rested her hands on the railing and stared into the serene waters below. "I remember once when I was about six coming to this bridge and crying my eyes out," she murmured.

"Why? Who made you cry?"

"You," she said, turning and jabbing a playful finger at his chest.

"Me?!" Buffy had never seen such an expression of outraged innocence. "What did I bloody do?" Spike demanded.

"Giles was taking you and Angel to the roller coaster at Sandy Shores. My dad was out of town, again, on business, and our moms were gonna go shopping. They didn't really want to drag me along, and I can't remember who, but one of them suggested I go to the carnival with you and Angel."

"And I didn't want you with us," Spike finished for her.

"Not that I blame you. No 12-year-old boy wants a six-year-old girl tagging along."

Spike chuckled. "Times change, don't they?"

To Buffy's surprise, Spike reached for her hand. He linked their fingers together and tugged her off the bridge. "Where are we going?" She protested half-heartedly. He glanced back at her, as if in surprise that she hadn't already guessed. "Where else, pet? The beach. From what I understand, the same rollercoaster is still running. I'll make it up to you. Besides, the party is winding down, and I don't think we'll be missed, do you?"

She couldn't help but agree.

A/N Thanks for all the reviews and the support. I promise this story WILL get finished...I've got a new inspiration now, and a strong desire to please...



Carrying a sticky ball of pink cotton candy in one hand and a stuffed penguin in the other, Buffy listened to the teeny music of the merry-go-round as she and Spike approached the roller coaster.

"Spike…I don't know if this is such a good idea…"

"What? This is why we came, remember?"

"But you filled me up with all this junk food and now you want me to ride this thing-" Buffy protested.

"It'll be fine, luv. Come on."

Spike led her by the elbow to the long line for the roller coaster.

"What am I supposed to do with Pierre?"

"Who?" Spike asked, looking confused.

Buffy gestured to the penguin.

"Pierre the Penguin?" Spike asked skeptically.

"No, Pierre LaFontaine."

"What kind of name is that? For a penguin?"

Spike cocked his head to the side and raised a scarred eyebrow.

"What? He's a French penguin."

"Oh," Spike replied with a smirk.

"So, what am I supposed to do with him?" she asked again.

"Hold him." Spike replied as the cars came to a stop in front of them.

"If I'm holding him, who's going to hold me?" Buffy asked, following Spike to the front car.

"I will." Spike answered, grabbing her hand and helping her sit down.

"I don't think this ride is very safe." Buffy said as the bar fell into place. "When's the last time it had a safety inspection?"

"Thursday."

"Just promise you won't fling your arms up like a crazy person."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Spike said. "Besides, I already promised to hold on to you."

Buffy flushed slightly but didn't respond. Heights were something she generally avoided, which meant she was trapped into closing her eyes. The penguin was cradled in her arms, much in the same way Spike was cradling her.

The cars slowly made their ascent, chugging up the steep incline, making a straining noise as if the weight was too much to bear. The line of cars topped the peak and started its rapid descent. A scream of excitement froze in her throat as they plummeted downward. Spike's arm tightened around her shoulders. Her free hand gripped his, her nails digging into his fingers, but if she was hurting him, he gave no indication. Throughout the ride, the cars led them on a crazy, twisting, turning journey that left her stomach far behind. Her eyes were closed so tightly, her face ached.

When at last they rolled to a halt, Buffy's shoulders surged forward, righted and then sagged with a twinge of disappointment as she realized the ride was over.

Spike laughed, taking her hand to help her climb out of the cramped car. "You had fun," he accused.

"I plead the fifth."

"Admit it! I was right and you were wrong."

"I'm not saying anything." Buffy smirked wickedly and turned her head up.

Spike laughed again and tucked his arm around her waist. His action seemed so natural, especially since her knees clearly had yet to right themselves. Buffy reveled in the warmth his arms gave her.

"You ready to head back?" Spike asked as they neared the brightly lit, arched entry.

She nodded, but in fact she didn't want the night to end. Their time together had been perfect. Perhaps now Spike would understand that it was his company she wanted and not Angel's. Maybe now he'd realize she was no longer the girl next door.

Hopefully, Angel's obvious attraction to Darla would blossom into something more, and then the Giles would stop looking to her for solutions.

She and Spike joked and talked all the way to her apartment. It was after eleven by then, but she was keyed up with excitement. Somehow she felt it would all end when Spike left, and she wasn't ready to let that happen.

"Do you want to come up?" she asked, not really expecting he would, but hoping she could change his mind.

He glanced her way as though judging the sincerity of her offer. "Sure, pet."

He found a parking spot, got out of the car and then went around to open her door. A true gentleman, she thought not for the first time.

"Miss Buffy, I was wondering when you would be home," the doorman said as he held the door open. "I was getting worried."

Buffy laughed softly. "Who needs to live with their parents when I have you worrying over me? Good night, Wesley. Give Fred and the kids a hug for me."

"I will. When are you coming by for dinner? Fred's been asking about you again."

"I'll be there next week." Buffy called over her shoulder as the elevator doors opened. She turned and said, "Have her call me - I miss you guys. Cordy and I will be sure to stop by."

"Good night, Elizabeth."

"Who was that?" Spike asked after the elevator doors had closed.

"An old friend. The only reason he took that job was to watch over me. He and his wife are teachers. He teaches english, and she teaches science."

"You sure you don't want to close your eyes?" Spike asked suddenly.

"Why?" Buffy asked, slightly startled by the abrupt question.

"This elevator is moving at death-defying speeds. Who knows the last time it was checked for safety," Spike teased, his deep blue eyes twinkling in delight.

"Thursday."

Spike laughed delightedly.

"I don't know," she teased. "You might be right." Jokingly, she squinted her eyes closed, but when she did, Spike kissed her.

It took Buffy a moment to realize what had happened. Spike had actually kissed her. It was a simple, uncomplicated kiss. The kind a brother gives a sister. One pair of lips touching another.

Only problem was - it didn't feel simple.

If anything, it left her longing for much, much more. Dumbstruck, she blinked up at him, not knowing how to respond.

"Don't look so shocked," Spike muttered.

"I…" She closed her mouth to stop herself from asking him to kiss her again.

"It was just a kiss," Spike said, looking down as though his shoes were the most interesting things in the world.

"I know," she muttered, joining in the shoe-staring party by looking at her own. She realized he regretted the impulse and wished she knew of some way to tell him how thoroughly she'd enjoyed it. But before she could find the words, the elevator stopped.

Buffy led the way to her apartment and unlocked the door. Turning on the light, she moved into the cheery yellow kitchen, and, as was her habit, flipped the switch to her answering machine. Cordelia's voice greeted her.

"Buff. Hey, it's me. I just got back from my date with Devon. We're over-again. But anyways I was wondering how your date went. I know you were excited about the possibilities." Cordy laughed softly. "Anyways, call me later."

"Possibilities with my brother? What are your intentions with Angel?" Spike asked in a mock-stern voice.

"That's not what she meant," Buffy insisted. She knew that Cordy was wondering if she told Spike how she felt. "She was actually talking about-"

"Listen, I better go. It's later then I realized."

Buffy sighed in disappointment. Damn Cordelia! "Are you sure?"

"Yea, pet. I'm sure." Pausing in front of her, he drew his hand against the side of her face. "Thanks for saving me from that boring party, Buffy. I had a great time."

"Thank you," she whispered back, leaning against his touch.

All too soon, Spike disappeared out the door. She'd hoped he'd kissed her again before he left. He'd been tempted, she could see it in his eyes, but he'd resisted.

Buffy wasn't at all tired, and needing to talk, she picked up the phone.

"Hello?" a groggy Willow answered on the fourth ring.

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Not really…Hold on. Oz go back to bed, I'm fine - it's Buffy. Yes, I'll shout if I need anything." Willow sighed. "Worried husbands. At first it's really cute, but now I'm getting a little annoyed."

Both friends shared a laugh.

"So…What's up? I know you didn't call to hear about Oz."

"Well…"

Willow listened carefully as Buffy told her about her problems with the Giles brothers, occasionally making comments and asking questions.

"Hmmm…Times like these, makes me wish I was back in SunnyD. This sounds very interesting," Willow said, when Buffy finished her story.

"Sorry to wake you, but I needed to babble."

"That's alright. I love hearing from you guys."

"Well, I'll let you sleep. Bye Willow, Bye Buffy Jr."

"For the last time, woman, we will not name our child Buffy Jr." Willow replied in mock- anger.

"Damn straight." was heard in the background in Oz's calm voice.

Hanging up the phone, Willow told Oz to go to bed. She picked up the phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. "Cordy, it's me. Buffy needs our help…"

Buffy arrived bright and early at the office Monday morning. Angel had apparently been to work at some point during the weekend, because he'd left her a list of instructions. His notes included a series of laws he needed her to research. Buffy went to the library and got straight to work.

Spike walked into the library some time later. "So, you are here," he said, sounding surprised. "Tara didn't think you had come in for the day. I phoned your apartment and got the answering machine."

Buffy straightened in her chair and arched her back, hoping to relieve the tension in her tired muscles. A glance at her watch told her it was nearly eleven. She'd been so involved she hadn't noticed the time.

"I've been here all morning," she explained, pinching the bridge of her nose. The words were beginning to blur in front of her eyes. Some of the reading was dull, but there were several cases she found intriguing.

Spike left and returned a moment later with a steam cup of coffee. "Here," he said, handing it to her. "Take a break before you go blind, pet."

"Has Angel shown up yet?" Buffy asked, taking a sip.

Spike sighed. "Not yet. But Angel comes and goes as he likes, or at least he has for the past several months."

"Well, he left some work to do, so he must have been in yesterday." She paused. "What about him and Darla?" She sincerely hoped they hit it off.

"It's too soon to tell, but maybe there's some hope there." Good. Spike sounded as if he really meant it.

"I want Angel to be happy," she said, not exactly sure why it was important for Spike to know that.

"Exactly." Spike smiled and got up to walk over to the polished bookcase. He pulled down a well-used volume. "Take some advice?" he asked, tucking the book under his arm.

"And what advice is that, oh wise one?"

"Don't skip lunch," Spike answered over his shoulder as he walked out the door.

"I won't," she promised.

As promised, Buffy took her lunch hour and returned to find Angel searching for her. He sat down next to her in the library and reviewed her notes, asked a series of intelligent questions and made comments every now and then about her progress. Several times he praised her efforts. He made a few notations himself, and they spent the better part of an hour discussing different aspects of the RJ Brooks case.

After Angel left, Buffy was exhilarated. Spike had revealed a keen insight into his brother's personality by assigning him to this case. Representing RJ had given Angel the challenge he needed; had given him a purpose, a cause. Angel was no slouch. He was dynamic, sharp and dedicated to representing this former athlete to the best of his ability and to the full extent of the law.

Several hours passed, and although it was late, Buffy decided to trudge on until she was finished.

"It's six o'clock and time for you to go home," Spike said from behind her in a tone she recognized. It was the one he used when he wouldn't listen to a word of argument. The one that swayed juries.

"I'll be finished in a bit," Buffy murmured, eyes not leaving the book in front of her.

"You'll be finished now."

"Spike-" Buffy said, looking up from the book.

"Don't argue with me, kitten. It won't do any good."

She closed the book she was reading and stood up. Every small movement of her lithe body spelled reluctance.

"Did you take time for lunch?"

"Yes, Daddy, I did," Buffy said in a child-like voice, rolling her eyes all the while.

"Clearly you didn't, otherwise you wouldn't be snapping at me."

"I did so-and I'm not snapping! I'm, I'm…ok fine, I'm snapping, but I did eat! I did, I went to the Expresso Pump and got a sandwich and, and, some of those chips that come in the little bags, and-"

"That does it!"

"That does what? What are you gonna do, Mr. Big Bad Bossman?" Buffy taunted, stepping closer to him.

"I'm going to, well, I'm going to…take you to dinner," he finished lamely.

"Dinner! But Spike, you've already-"

"Pizza," he said, "the deep-dish variety. There's a small Italian restaurant around the corner. I swear it's one of the best-kept secrets in Sunnyhell."

"Pizza," Buffy repeated slowly and her stomach growled in anticipation. "Well, if you insist, and it seems that you do." She reached for her purse.

They walked to the restaurant, which was nestled in the basement of one of the older buildings. The marble floors were badly worn, and the architecture showed that the structure had been built in the early thirties. Buffy had passed the building a hundred times and barely given it a second's notice.

"How'd you hear about this restaurant?"

"Angel…It's where Faith took him on their first date."

"Faith took him?"

"Faith wasn't like most girls," Spike said, softly chuckling as he remembered the firey girl who stole his brother's heart.

"Oh."

The proprietor greeted Spike as if he were a long-lost cousin, kissing him on both cheeks and speaking in Italian as he looked approvingly at Buffy.

"What did he say?" she asked after they were seated at a table covered with a white cloth. A candle flickered from inside a small red vase, and shadows danced across the opposite wall.

"I'm, um, not sure. I only know a few words myself, pet," Spike said, glancing anywhere, but at her.

"In that case, you did a good job of faking it. You should get a Grammy for that performance," Buffy replied sarcastically.

"All right, you stubborn chit, if you must know, Antonio assumed we're lovers," Spike said casually, opening the menu.

"You told him the truth, didn't you?" Buffy asked, her face reddening.

"No."

"Spike, you can't let that man believe you and I…"

"You're probably right, I shouldn't. Especially when it's my brother you're in love with, not me," Spike replied, trying not to sound bitter.

Buffy set the menu aside and leaned forward until her stomach pressed against the edge of the table. They needed to get this straight between them once and for all. "I'm not in love with Angel," she whispered heatedly.

"All right, All right."

"You don't sound convinced."

"I'm convinced," he said, without looking at her. Whatever was offered on the menu had apparently captured his full attention.

"You better be…or I'll kick your ass," Buffy muttered, reaching for her own menu. She was about to suggest the pepperoni pizza when a basket of warm bread was brought to their table. The lovely dark-haired woman who'd delivered it caught Spike's face between her hands and kissed him soundly on both cheeks. Buffy must have looked shocked, because the older woman said, "You don't need to worry-I won't steal William away from you."

She said a few words in Italian, making Spike go pale at her words. Buffy's own knowledge of Italian was small, very small, but she knew what bambino meant.

"Spike, tell me what she said."

He was silent while the same woman poured them each a glass of wine and brought a plate of antipasto. Then he sighed. "Nona says you seem good and sturdy."

"Liar."

Spike's eyes widened slightly at the accusation before replying, "I'm not lying!"

"Fine you're not lying, liar."

"Buffy!"

"What? It's not my fault you're a liar," She replied innocently.

"Buffy, I already told you I only know a few words of Italian."

"Fine…Go ahead and lie. It doesn't bother me," she said, turning to study the paintings on the wall.

"Will you bloody well stop?"

Glancing back at him, Buffy grinned evilly. "Nope."

Spike sighed. "If you must know, Nona said you'll make a good mother to my children."

"See? Doesn't it feel better to be honest?" Buffy questioned, eyes sparkling with delight.

"She said that you were good and sturdy!" Spike replied rather loudly.

Buffy laughed at the annoyed look on Spike's face.

"Bloody hell women! You're driving me crazy."

"Admit it, you love it."

"Yea, I do," Spike said softly. Clearing his throat he changed the subject. "So what kind of pizza catches your fancy?"



"Thank you for dinner," Buffy said.

"You're welcome."

Spike fell strangely quiet as they walked to the law library. Before she left for the night, Buffy wanted to put the books back that she'd been studying. Spike worked silently with her. When they were finished, he preceded her from the room, automatically turning off the light.

The room was suddenly dark and Buffy bumped into a table.

"Buffy," Spike called softly.

"I'm fine," she assured him, walking toward the hall light.

"That's the problem," he muttered, reaching for her. She was in his arms before she realized it. "I'm not." With that, his mouth came down on hers.

This kiss wasn't brotherly, nor was it uncomplicated. Spike's mouth fit over hers, warm and coaxing, yet hard and demanding all at once. Buffy sighed and relaxed herself against him, giving herself up to the sensation. It felt right to be in his arms, that was all there was to it.

Her hands gripped the lapels of his duster, her fingers crushing the soft leather as his mouth moved against hers. Spike's hand curved around the side of her neck, his touch tender, as though he feared hurting her.

The kiss was unlike any Buffy had ever experienced. She moaned, feeling her stomach doing the ever famous flip-flop. Spike moaned into her mouth, making her smile. I made him MOAN - I'm MAKING him moan…her mind repeated over and over. When they broke apart, neither spoke. Buffy wished he'd say something, anything to break the silence. She needed him to assure her, to explain what was happening, because she was lost, taken by surprise, yet delighted to think that Spike had kissed her - and she liked it.

Instead, Spike turned and walked away.

She couldn't believe it. She raised a hand to her face, surprised by the wetness she found on her cheek.

Funny, that when she couldn't find the words to say what she felt, a tear would speak for her. She'd learned that lesson years earlier. When Willow had walked in on Veruca and Oz together in bed, she had told them all she was fine, that she and Oz were fine, but the tears in her eyes told them all what they needed to know. Luckily, Oz saw the tears as well. He wanted to be reassured that Willow still loved him. Now he knew.

Buffy smiled as she thought of her friends. They worked through everything. Willow and Oz taught her so much about love and understanding. She just hoped she remembered what she had learned.

She was crying. Over Spike. The realization shook her. That single tear spelled out volumes. She wasn't just lusting for Spike or trying to prove that she didn't have feelings for Angel. She cared about him. She just wasn't sure how much.

The sudden need to escape overwhelmed her. Collecting her purse, she stepped out of the library and proceeded down the hallway. She paused outside Spike's open door. She saw him standing in front of his window, looking into the night, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his duster.

"Good night," she called softly.

He turned and smiled briefly. "Good night, pet. See you in the morning."

She wished they could sit down and discuss what had happened, but clearly Spike was confused and not nearly as delighted as she was. He seemed troubled, burdened somehow. She wondered if he regretted kissing her.

"Thank you for dinner," she said. "You were right. It's the best Italian food I've ever had." She didn't want to leave, but he wasn't giving her a reason to stay.

"I'm glad you liked it."

Buffy headed for the elevator. She walked in a daze all the way to her apartment building. She nodded at the doorman, thanking God that Wesley wasn't working tonight. The first thing she did when she walked into her apartment was reach for the penguin Spike had won for her. She wrapped her arms around Pierre and hugged him tight. It made her feel close to Spike. She sighed deeply and reached for the phone.




Buffy smiled. After talking to Cordy last night, she was feeling a lot better. She glanced at the clock. Cordy should be here any minute to take her to lunch. She had said on the phone last night that she had a plan, but Buffy wasn't so sure she would like it.

"You must have forgotten about our lunch," Cordy said, more loudly than necessary, as she strolled casually into the office. Loudly enough for anyone, say Spike, to hear.

Her plan worked, because a minute later he wandered out of his office.

"Spike, this is my friend Cordelia Chase," Buffy said, "I'm sure you've heard of her."

Spike and Cordy shook hands. "Buffy here forgot we were supposed to meet for lunch today."

Cordy eased closer to Spike and was gazing soulfully into his eyes. He didn't seem to mind in the least. In fact, he seemed to lap it up.

"I'll get my purse," Buffy said stiffly, leaving Cordy and Spike gazing at each other while she went behind her desk and dug in the bottom drawer. The whole charade irritated her, and she was furious at Cordelia, having no idea how throwing herself at Spike was "helping" her at all.

Cordy managed to tear her eyes away from Spike long enough to throw a glare at Buffy. It took her a moment to catch on.

"Do you wanna come to lunch with us?" she asked Spike, managing to sound polite, if unenthusiastic.

"Please do," Cordy said, in a fake, sugary-sweet, voice.

Spike looked at Buffy as if seeking her confirmation, and to her credit she did produce a smile. She had no clue what was up Cordy's sleeve, but she'd be damned if she didn't find out.

"That sounds lovely, pet."

"Great, just great," Buffy muttered under her breath.

"Great!" Cordy exclaimed with a smile.

Buffy rolled her eyes, and together the three of them headed out of the office. Spike suggested a well-known expensive restaurant, and before Buffy could comment one way or another, Cordy had agreed. Buffy snapped her mouth closed before she said something she'd regret. It irked her that Spike would so easily fall into Cordy's trap. It might just be a charade, but she was left more than a little confused.

As they walked to the restaurant, Cordy and Spike made small talk with Cordy giggling like a child through the streets of Sunnydale. She was acting like a jealous fool, Buffy realized with a start. Jealous of Spike and Cordy? Suddenly, the fog that had clouded her thinking for the past several days had cleared.

She was falling in love with Spike Giles. It couldn't have been any more obvious. It was one of the things Cordy had set out to prove, and her friend was right - she'd needed this blunt lesson.

Of course she loved Spike. From the minute she'd walked into his office and asked about the job. From the minute he'd stood on the footbridge that forged the pond and his parents' property and insisted on taking her to the carnival.

From the minute he kissed her.

This was what Cordy had been trying to tell her.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Cordy excused herself and Buffy. With her arm wrapped around her friend's, she dragged her to the ladies' room.

Before Buffy could open her mouth, Cordy burst out, "Spike's amazing! Majorly hot, too-very lip-smackable."

"I know."

"I haven't even met Angel, but I'm telling you right now if you're not interested in his big brother, I am. He's got great wit, he's gorgeous, and-"

"I know all that." And a lot more.

Cordy set here purse on the sink and started digging in it. "So this is what we're gonna do - Oh here it is…" She said, pulling out her cell phone. She hit her speed dial # 2 (Buffy's was # 1, of course), saying, "Wills? Hey, it's me. Call Buffy's cell in about ten minutes, ok?"

Cordelia hung up the phone and placed it back in her purse as she pulled out a tube of lipstick. Quickly she applied and touched up the red makeup as she told Buffy her plan. "Ok, Willow's gonna call, and you have to make it seem like she needs to see you right this second and leave."

Buffy was stunned. Her eyes widened as she replied, "You want me to what?"

Cordy was still refreshing her makeup in the mirror, her eyeliner in hand "You heard me - and make it sound realistic or Spike will know what we're doing."

"He will? That's funny especially when I don't even know what we're doing," she said hotly her voice dripping in mock surprise.

"I want you to give me some time alone with him."

"Why?" Buffy demanded. "Listen, you've already proved your point. I do care about Spike. And there's no way in hell I'm gonna share him with you."

"Well, Duh! I knew how you felt from the beginning. This isn't about you. We need to figure out if he feels the same," Cordy said slowly as if speaking to a child.

"Do you really think this will work?"

"Puh-lease! I'm Cordelia - I don't think. I know."

Buffy hesitated. She trusted Cordy - most of the time. She also knew it wasn't beneath her best friend to say or do something so she could get what she wants. That was what worried Buffy.

"Go back to your apartment," Cordy instructed with one last look in the mirror before turning to her friend.

"I'm still living in the land of the confused."

"Well, hopefully after lunch, no one will be confused. So just go home, relax, and I'll call you tonight."

Buffy sighed deeply before giving in. "Fine, but if you sleep with him, I swear I'll pull out your rib cage and wear it as a hat."

"I don't really think that look is in this season," Cordy replied with a grin, as she dragged her friend back to the table.

No more than five minutes later, Buffy's cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Why am I calling you now?"

"Willow, what is it?" Buffy asked, trying to sound concerned.

"What are you talking about Buffy? Cordy called me and told me to call you, and I have no clue why. Color me confused."

"I don't have that color," Buffy whispered with a grin. More loudly she continued, "Oh, Wills, that's terrible. I'll be right there."

"I highly doubt you'll be right here. Unless you're already here…Are you planning on surprising me?!"

"Oh, no, no, sweetie. Don't you worry. I'll see you soon. Bye," Buffy said, hanging up the phone.

"What's wrong with Willow? Is it the baby?" Cordelia asked, inner-actress shining through.

"The baby's fine. She and Oz got into a fight. Don't worry about it. I'll go do the best friend thing and call you tonight. Spike, I'm sorry, but I really have to go. Have a nice lunch both of you." Buffy said, pushing her chair back to stand up.

Spike simply nodded, saying, "I'll see you at the office tomorrow then, pet."

"Bye, hun. Call me later."

"Bye, Cor. Bye Spike," Buffy called over her shoulder.

Buffy walked quickly to her apartment, thinking this was going to be the longest afternoon of her life. She was shaken out of her reverie by the sound of her phone.

"What the hell is going on?" A very confused Willow asked the minute she heard someone pick up the phone.

After she got off the phone with Willow, Buffy occupied her time by pacing around her living room and eating Phish Food. Ben and Jerry's - the only guys you can count on… The carton was almost gone before her doorbell chimed. Cordy. In her eagerness to hear what she'd achieved, Buffy nearly jerked the door off its hinges.

Nothing could have surprised her more than to find Spike standing on the other side. She must have looked as dumbstruck as she felt, because he grinned and let himself in without waiting for an invitation.

"How's your friend?" Spike asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Uh…She's just fine now. Everything's worked out."

"I know." He walked over to her bookcase and was examining the titles as if he'd come for that purpose alone.

"Oh, do you?" Buffy questioned in an amused tone.

"You're not nearly as good an actress as your friend," he said, turning to face her. Buffy tried to read his expression, but it was impossible. She felt rooted to the carpet, unable to move and hardly able to breathe. She wondered if he was mad at her. Or maybe he was amused. She couldn't tell which.

She should have known he'd see through their ploy. "It was a stupid idea," she admitted. Her shoulders sagged with a burden of regrets. She'd allowed Cordy to talk her into this crazy scheme, and she'd followed like a lamb to the slaughter.

"I…you're not mad, are you?"

A hint of a smile touched his eyes. "No, it was a very sweet thing to do, but unnecessary, pet."

She blinked, not knowing what to say because she wasn't sure she understood.

Spike walked over to her and reached out a hand to press against her cheek. His touch was gentle, his blue eyes as serious as she'd ever seen them. He spoke as though his words pained him. "I appreciate your efforts, Buffy, but I can find my own dates." Then he bent and gently placed his mouth on hers. The kiss was far too short to satisfy her. Instead, it left her craving more. When he lifted his head, everything within her wanted to beg him not to stop.

"I'll see you Monday morning," he said, turning and heading toward the door.

She opened her mouth to tell him to stay, but by the time she could get any sort of speech out he was gone. He actually believed she was setting him up with Cordy? No wonder. That was exactly what it looked like. Why hadn't I thought of this before? Buffy slumped onto her sofa, covered her face with her hands and resisted the urge to cry.

Spike hadn't been gone for more than five minutes when Cordy arrived. Buffy opened her door to find her friend leaning against the doorjamb as if she needed its support. She threw herself down on the couch and removed her high heels. "That man is quite the mystery."

Buffy folded her arms and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean he was so closemouthed about you, there's only one sensible conclusion one can arrive at," Cordy replied, doing a poor impression of Wesley.

"And that would be?"

Cordy's eyes twinkled merrily. "You're serious? You really don't know?"

"If I knew, why would I be asking you?"

Cordy sighed dreamily before replying, "He's in love with you."

"What? No, He can't be."

"Why not? Is there a law saying no one can love Buffy?"

"Well, No…But-"

"He wasn't interested in me, and trust me, I tried."

Buffy stiffened, remembering her reaction to Cordy's attempts to flirt with Spike. She hadn't liked that. None of the crazy stunts her friends had pulled over the years had put their friendship on the line. This one had. Spike was off-limits, and before Cordy left for home, Buffy wanted to make sure she knew it.

"He thought I was trying to set you guys up," Buffy muttered bitterly.

"What's so tragic about that? That was exactly what I wanted him to think."

"Why on earth would you want him to think that?"

Cordy's smile was slow and confident. "This is why I'm your best friend. Now you know how you feel, and-"

"And Spike thinks I don't feel that way because I was setting you guys up!" Buffy screeched.

"What?"

"He was just here and practically said so."

"No big. You straightened him out, right?"

"No… I didn't get the chance."

Cordy went uncharacteristically quiet. "You'll talk to him, won't you?"

"I…guess."

"Good…That's good. Explain how you feel, so he knows how you feel."

Buffy laughed despite the hurt she was feeling. Her laughter soon turned into sobs as Cordy tried to comfort her.

"It won't be hard," Cordy assured softly. "He's crazy about you, Buff."

Buffy considered Cordy's advice for what remained of the weekend and arrived at the office early Monday morning. To her surprise, Angel was sitting at his desk when she walked in. He smiled broadly. "Good morning, sweet Buffy." He seemed to be in an awfully good mood. His brown eyes were clear and lively, and his smile was warm. "You're just the person I was waiting for."

She stowed her purse and moved into his office with a pen and pad, fully expecting him to give her another lengthy assignment.

"Sit down," he instructed, motioning her toward a chair on the other side of his desk. He leaned back in his own chair, looking relaxed. "Now tell me something."

"Sure." Her mind was churning with a possible list of requests.

"I've been something of a bad boy around here lately, not pulling my weight and the like. You know that, don't you?"

"I…I've only been in the office a short time. It's not for me to say if you have or haven't been doing your share of the work. It's not really any of my-"

"Buffy, honey, stop babbling and tell me what you really think."

"All right," she said, resenting the fact that she'd been put in this position. "I know you were hurt, but that's life. Spank your inner moppet and get over it."

Angel laughed delightedly, not the least bit offended.

"My father and I had a long talk this weekend," Angel said thoughtfully. "He wants me to get my life straightened out and start dating again."

"I think he's absolutely right," she agreed eagerly, assuming Angel was talking about Darla.

"Great." He beamed a killer smile at her. "I was hoping you'd feel that way."

"Why?" Buffy asked, perplexed.

"Because, my dear Buffy, I've decided I'd like to get to know you better. You're very sweet and a hell of a good worker. Dad reminded me of your…affection for me a few years back, and I want, I'm hoping to capitalize on that affection."

"Uh…" Now didn't seem like the appropriate moment to bring up her feelings for Spike. Then again, she'd better before matters got out of hand. "Angel, I-"

"I don't mind telling you," Angel said before she could speak, "my confidence has been badly shaken. I feel safe and secure with you. Frankly, I don't know how I'd deal with any more rejection."

"Aren't you seeing Darla?" Buffy asked with a sinking feeling. She had to say something, set the record straight, but Angel was studying her with an eager intensity, and, coward that she was, Buffy couldn't make herself do it. "You two seemed to be getting along quite... uh, well, at Jenny's."

"Don't get me wrong, Darla's a sweetheart, but she isn't the one for me," Angel explained. "I want an old-fashioned girl, who values the same things I do and was brought up the same way I was. Someone like you, Buffy."

Buffy didn't doubt for one second that Angel was echoing his father's words. Maybe the woman he described was the right one for him, but Buffy wasn't her. She was about to explain diplomatically that there was already someone in her life - without telling him who - when he spoke again.

"I've got a ton of work waiting for me this morning but my parents asked that we meet later, and I thought the five of us could have lunch together."

"Five?" Buffy asked.

"William will be there, too. How's noon sound?"

"Um..."

"Great." He returned his attention to the papers on his desk. Buffy waited a moment, then got up and went back to the outer office. She felt the blood drain out of her face as she reached her desk and sat down.

"Is Mr. Giles in?" Buffy was so lost in thought, she hadn't been aware of Tara's arrival.

Buffy looked up and nodded.

"But it's barely nine."

"I know," she murmured.

"What's happened to him?" the secretary murmured, unable to disguise her amazement. "Never mind, let's not question it. I'd rather count my blessings. I was about to lose heart with him. I was afraid Spike had given Angel too much slack these past few months."

Buffy managed a weak smile.

"Are you alright? You seem upset about something..." Tara wondered as she brewed a pot of coffee.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind, is all."

"Oh, well, if you wanna talk sometime, I'm here for you, sweetie."

"I'll remember that... So, how's Dawn?" she asked, hoping to change the subject.

It worked. She half-listened as Tara went on and on about her young lover. The morning passed quickly as they prepared for RJ's trial, slated to begin the following day. The trial had the potential to affect the outcome of education in school districts across the country, at least Buffy believed so.

Close to noon, Angel emerged from his office, and, with a warm smile to Buffy, said to his secretary, "I'm going to steal this beauty from you for a couple of hours."

Tara nodded with a smile. "Have fun."

Buffy reached for her purse and stood, hoping this lunch would afford her a few minutes alone with Spike so they could talk. She desperately needed to discuss things with him, to explain what had happened and to get his help. She didn't want to date Angel, she just didn't know how to say so. He's already been through so much...

To Buffy's disappointment, the opportunity never arose. The three of them met Jenny and Rupert at the Sunnydale Suite, a fancy, local hotel. The meal was pleasant and cordial, and everyone seemed to be in a good mood - with the exception of Spike, who practically ignored Buffy. She might as well have been invisible for all the attention he paid her.

She decided to make an effort to let her feelings for the older Giles son be known, so she waited for a lull in the conversation.

"Spike and I went out to that carnival at the beach recently," she announced brightly after their salads were served. Jenny and Rupert exchanged meaningful glances.

"From here on out, Angel will be the one taking you to the beach, isn't that right, little brother?"

"You should have said something earlier, Buff," Angel said, picking up on Spike's cue. "I love that carnival. We'll make a point of going there sometime, all right? As soon as RJ's trial is over."

"All right," Buffy agreed, her heart in her throat. She looked to Spike, who was busy eating his salad. From all outward appearances, it made no difference to him whom she dated. Apparently the idea of Angel holding her close while they rode on the roller coaster didn't trouble him. Not at all.

Buffy knew that life was often filled with ironic twists such as this, but why did hers have to be so frustrating? She was pretty sure Angel's father had put the idea of dating her into his son's head. And why not? It was well-known she'd once had a crush on Angel. And their families were so close. She was the logical choice, and the fact that she now worked for Angel made it all the more convenient.

The younger Giles hoped to get on with his live and prove he was over a painful relationship. What better way to start than with a woman who'd once had stars in her eyes for him?

Except that those stars now shone for someone else. His older brother. A man who seemed determined to do the noble thing and step aside for his brother.

For the first time in months, since Faith left him Buffy guessed, Angel had revealed a willingness to put the past behind him and get on with his life. And Spike believed she was the reason he had. So he would do nothing to change that - even if he did love her himself.

Every day for the next week, the Giles name turned up in all the media. The television and radio stations followed the trial, and each afternoon the newspaper carried an account of what had happened in the courtroom. Buffy met RJ for the first time in the courtroom and was impressed with the young man's sincerity. He wasn't looking to cripple the school system with a huge monetary settlement; instead, he sought changes that would help other athletes. Angel had arranged for a private tutor for the young man. RJ hoped to return to college within a year and work toward a degree in education. His goal was to teach high school students himself.

The more she learned about Angel's generosity to RJ, the more impressed she was with the lawyer's generous heart. RJ had been cheated out of his education, and Angel had made it his mission to make sure this didn't happen to future generations.

On Friday the jury convened. Buffy returned to the office, preferring not to wait at the courthouse for the outcome of the trial. Angel had built a strong case and she was confident RJ would win his suit, but waiting for the jury's verdict was agony.

The office buzzed with activity, the way it generally did in the afternoons. There was the hum of computers, fax machines, and photocopiers, and messengers zigzagged from one room to the next, crowding the hallways. The whole place was filled with an air of expectancy.

Buffy sat down at her desk with a triumphant plop. This had been an incredibly hectic week. As soon as she got home, she was going to soak in a hot tub and curl up with a good book. Sleeping until noon the next day held irresistible appeal.

Tara had left on an errand and Buffy had just slumped down in her chair when Spike strolled into the office. He stopped abruptly when he saw she was alone.

Buffy froze, her breath trapped in her lungs.

"Hello, Buffy," he said stiffly.

"Hel-Hi," she managed.

"Where's Tara?" he asked, recovering first. He was brisk and businesslike, as if he'd never held her in his arms, as if she'd never been more to him than a friend, and a casual one at that.

"Off on an errand," she answered, then added, "The jury's still out."

"So I hear." He walked over to Tara's desk and set a stack of papers in the secretary's in-basket. Then he turned abruptly and strode out of the room.

Hurt and angry, Buffy wanted to shout at him to come back. In all the years she'd known him, he'd never been so short with her. He'd sliced her out of his life without a second thought, and apparently without a single regret.

About an hour later, Angel burst into the office. He paused just inside the doorway, threw back his head and released a yell loud enough to sway light fixtures.

"We did it!"

Startled, Buffy looked up from her desk. She stood to offer him her congratulations, and Angel rushed to her, lifting her high of the ground and whirling her around. "We won!" he shouted.

"Angel!" She laughed, bracing her hands on his shoulders. He was spinning so fast she was getting dizzy.

His cries of jubilation had attracted the attention of others in the office, but Angel didn't show any signs of releasing her. He set her back down on the ground and, looping his arm around her shoulders, kept her close to his side. Words of congratulations were enthusiastically offered.

"I couldn't have done it without Buffy," he announced to the gathering. "Her researching was invaluable. William, too," Angel said, holding his free arm out to his brother. "A man couldn't ask for a better brother."

Buffy was looking at Spike, and whether he'd intended it or not - she suspected he hadn't - their eyes met. His guard had lowered, and his expression was one of such emotional intensity that nothing could have pulled her gaze from his. In him she read pride, loyalty, and devotion. In him she saw that there was nothing on this earth he would do or say to hurt his brother, even at the sacrifice of his own happiness.

Tears clouded her vision. Gazing into the faces of those around her, she forced herself to smile and look as though this was the happiest moment of her life, when on the inside, she'd never felt more miserable.

Angel insisted on taking her to dinner that night to celebrate. He chose a restaurant well known for its superb food and service, and Buffy knew when they were seated that she was the envy of every woman there. Angel had never looked more handsome or been more charming.

They were leaving the restaurant, waiting for the valet to bring around Angel's car, when a news photographer stopped them and took their picture. Buffy protested, but Angel told her that this was the price of fame and she might as well smile.



The next morning, Buffy's mother phoned before she'd had a chance to awake, and hours before she'd intended to. She was extremely depressed, and sleep was the perfect escape.

"Buffy, have you seen it?" Joyce demanded, her voice raised with excitement. "I've already called the newspaper and am having them make copies for Jenny and me. You both look fabulous."

"Seen what, Mom?" was the groggy reply.

"The newspaper, sweetheart. There's a picture of you and Angel on the society paper with a nice little write-up. In case you didn't see it, your name was mentioned in the gossip column, too, on Thursday, linking you with Angel. Oh, honey, I'm so pleased."

"Oh, crumbs," Buffy whispered, her mind clouded with exhaustion. "I remember now. The photographer stopped us last night."

"Yes, I know, that's what I've been trying to tell you. The picture's in this morning's paper. I'm thrilled, and so is your father... not to mention Jenny and Rupert."

Buffy was anything but thrilled. "It's only a picture, Mom."

"It's more than that, Buffy. It's a dream come true for you, and for me, too. You've always felt so strongly about Angel and now, after all these years, he feels the same way about you."

"Mom, you don't understand. Angel and I-"

"You don't know how happy Jenny and I are. We realize it's much too soon to be making wedding plans, but it's the sort of thing good friends love to do when their children are dating. You're our only daughter, and I can tell you right now this will be the gala event of the year. Your father and I insist."

She only paused long enough to take a breath, then rushed on.

"We'd be so very pleased if you and Angel decided to have an autumn wedding. Jenny has been my friend for so many years, and to think that someday we might share grandchildren! It does both our hearts good."

Buffy rubbed a hand over her eyes, repressing the urge to weep. "Mom..."

"I don't mean to pressure you."

"I know you don't, but-"

"Good. I'm sorry I woke you, darling. I should have realized you'd be exhausted after this last week. Go back to sleep. We'll talk later."

Sleep... yea right... Sleep was impossible now. Buffy padded barefoot into the kitchen and made coffee, standing at the counter until the liquid had drained into the glass pot. Then she poured herself a mug, and, cradling it in both hands, sat at her kitchen table. Balancing her feet against the edge of the chair, her knee propped up under her chin, she waited until the coffee had cooled enough for a first sip. It did little to revive her sagging spirits, settling unsatisfactorily in the pit of her stomach while she mulled over what she was going to do.

Already it had started, already she could feel the ropes tightening around her heart, binding her. She felt imprisoned by what everyone believed was right for her, what everyone believed she wanted herself, when in reality she wanted, loved Spike, not Angel.

The next thing she knew, Cordy came storming into her apartment, cell phone poised at her ear in one hand, The Sunnydale Times in the other.

"What the hell's going on?" Cordy demanded, sounding full of righteous indignation.

"No, not you, Willow," she said into the phone. "I'm at that floozy's house right now... Yes one of us will call later... Love you bunches. Ta." She finished her call in the most pleasant manner before turning to Buffy.

"So, I picked up the paper this morning... And there's your bright smiling face to greet me," Cordy said in her most "irritated bitch" voice, slamming the paper in front of Buffy.

"So I hear," she muttered.

"But there seems to be something wrong with this picture, though. You're with the wrong brother. Now how could that have possibly happened?" Cordy continued in a patronizing, motherly tone.

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

Buffy sighed. "It's a long story."

"Well, then. Give me the 'Devon's attention-span' version of it."

She sighed again. "Angel's decided to move his butt on-"

"That's good. About dang time."

"Only he isn't doing it for himself," Buffy explained. "His family's really worried and unknowingly pressuring him, so Angel's making an effort to smile and put on a happy face."

"By dating you."

"Seems that way."

"I know all about feeling pressured by family and if he's only moving on for their reasons instead of his own, he's going to end up flat on his ass," Cordy said impatiently. "Now stop all this bull shit and tell me why you were gallivanting around with Angel instead of Spike."

A simple explanation was beyond Buffy. This was the most complicated misadventure of her life, and she had had her share of them. "You were wrong, Cor," she said miserably. "Spike isn't nearly as fond of me as you assumed. Clearly you've made an ass out of you and me. Otherwise he would have said something long before now."

Cordy groaned. "All right, I can see this tale of woe isn't something you're gonna be able to abbreviate. Start at the beginning and be sure you tell me everything," she sighed, pouring herself a cup of coffee before she sat down.

To her credit, Cordy listened attentively to the events of the week, all that had happened since Buffy's conversation with Angel on Monday morning. When Buffy finished, Cordy was uncharacteristically silent.

"I see what you mean," she said finally, staring at her mug. "Spike's caught between a rock and a hard place - but he's crazy about you, Buff. My instincts told me, that day we had lunch."

"Clearly he's not crazy enough," Buffy closed her eyes briefly to the sharp pain the thought produced.

"Wrong," Cordy corrected defensively, looking up to meet Buffy's eyes. "Spike's got this whole family values thing and junk that's so strong that he'd sacrifice his own happiness. That's not loving you too little, my dear Buffy, that's loving you - and Angel - too damn much."




Angel arrived to pick Buffy up early the next day.

"I can't get over what a beauty you grew up to be," Angel said sincerely as he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

Buffy smiled and said, "Me either."

Angel's sports car was parked right in front of her building. He held open the door for her and helped her inside. They chatted amiably on the ride to his parents' estate, which is where the Education for Athletes fundraiser, inspired by RJ, was to be held.

Buffy was determined to find a chance to talk to Spike, to tell him how she felt. He couldn't avoid her forever. She wouldn't let him.

Everyone was busy with one last minute task or another. Buffy helped where she could, keeping an eye out for Spike.

She was busy lighting the few candles that had been blown out when she first saw him. He was talking to an older woman and happened to look Buffy's way. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments before he quickly averted his gaze. Buffy swallowed the pain that constrict her throat.

After the food had been served, Rupert Giles strolled up to Buffy. He hugged her and thanked her for all the help.

"You've grown into a beautiful young woman, Buffy." His voice practically echoing his youngest son's.

"Thank you. I don't know if I've had the chance to tell you how much this fundraiser has meant to RJ. He told me to tell you he appreciated it and that he wished he could be here but his mother was sick."

"I wish I'd realized the problem sooner. Jenny and I hope to get the community involved and such, but it'll be a lot of hard work."

"This is exactly what the school district needs - people showing support for education over athletics," Buffy said sincerely.

"Your confidence means a lot to Jenny and I. I've been doing some hard thinking along those lines myself. About how you're exactly what my son needs."

"Excuse me?"

"You and Liam."

Buffy didn't know what to say. She should have explained then and there that it was Spike she loved, but her throat went dry and her tongue seemed glued to the roof of her mouth.

"He needs you," Giles repeated.

"He's going to be just fine, Giles. I don't think you should worry about him."

Rupert's nod was somber. "Jenny and I believe you're responsible for that."

The taste of panic filled her mouth. "Now, don't be so hasty, Giles. I'm not the cause of any better-feelingness. Really I'm not-"

"Nonsense. You have to learn how to accept a compliment, young lady… I just wanted to thank you, my dear, for helping Angel."

"But I haven't - well, I mean I did with the case and all, but not anywhere else."

"Nonsense," Giles said sternly. "You've made all the difference in the world to my son these last few weeks. I'd told William that you and I had talked and you'd be coming in for an interview. His decision to hire you was brilliant. I couldn't have thought anything better for Angel myself."

"I have a lot to thank Spike for," Buffy said, so softly she doubted Giles heard her.

"Ah, here you are," Angel declared, coming up behind them. "Don't tell me my own father is stealing away my favorite girl."

Giles chuckled. "Not likely, son. I have my own beauty to attend to. You two go enjoy yourselves now. You've both worked hard all afternoon. Take a break, sneak away, and go have some fun."

"But your speech…" Buffy protested.

"Pfft. You can hear me speak any day of the week. Now, go - be kids!"

Angel reached for her hand, and they walked along the outskirts of the large yard, away from the gathering crowd of people. Angel seemed troubled, standing silently in front of her for a few moments before speaking, "Do you mind if we take a few minutes to talk?"

"I'd like that." She smiled softly as her heart swelled with relief. What they needed was some honesty. She stopped and leaned against the trunk of a tree. They were partially hidden from view, and the privacy was welcome.

"I feel that you and I aren't connecting, Buffy."

Way to take advantage of the ever popular "I feel" statements… "I know." She thought about her mother and all her talk about a wedding and grandchildren. Her mind drifted back to the conversation she'd had with Giles. Everything had gone way too far.

"I've wanted to talk to you all week, but it's been so crazy… Do you realize we haven't even kissed?"

"I… I've always been fond of you, Angel, but I think it's only fair for you to know-"

"'Fond' is such a weak word," he interrupted, frowning.

She didn't want to walk all over his already bruised ego. "I know, but-"

All words were lost to her as he lowered his mouth to hers. It was a gentle kiss, undemanding and tender. Nice as far as kisses go, but Buffy felt nothing, except the increasing urge to cry. How could she feel anything for Angel when she cared so deeply for Spike? When she loved Spike?

Angel lifted his head from hers and gazed down at her, his eyes now dark and unreadable. He studied her for a moment. "I won't pressure you, Buffy. We'll give this time." He brushed a stray curl from her cheek and kissed her there, his lips warm and moist against her face.

It was then that Buffy saw Spike. He was standing on the edge of the crowd that had gathered to hear the speech. His eyes were on Buffy and Angel. When he realized she'd seen him, he turned and walked away, steps brisk and hurried as though he couldn't move fast enough.

For one wild moment, Buffy considered running after him, but Angel had put one arm possessively around her shoulders and was leading her back to the crowd.

It was too late.

"Well?" Cordy demanded without a word of greeting as Buffy opened the apartment door to her friend Sunday evening. Cordy swept her backpack from her shoulder and carelessly tossed it aside.

"How'd the party go?"

"Successfully. From what I understand, Giles raised a lot of money for his fundraiser." She was being "avoidance girl" and knew it, but the subject of Angel and Spike was too painful to even think about.

"That would matter if I cared if jocks were smart, but really I don't. I didn't care when I dated them, why would I care now?"

Cordy then ordered Buffy to sit on the sofa as she began pacing in front of the coffee table saying, "I've given this matter some thought."

"I can see that," Buffy returned, wondering what Cordy's zealous mind had invented this time.

"I want you to develop a limp," Cordy said, sounding as though this was a stroke of pure genius.

Buffy wanted to laugh out loud. "You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking…"

"No, why would I joke about something like this?" Cordy asked, puzzled.

"Why would you be serious about something like this?" Buffy countered.

"But I only want you to limp when Spike's around, not Angel," said Cordy, acting as if she didn't hear Buffy's last question.

Buffy shook her head, as though that would improve her hearing. For utter lunacy, this idea ranked right up there with the "luncheon/Willow-emergency" fiasco. "Why would I do something so stupid as to fake an injury?"

"Just remember to limp on the same foot," Cordy instructed, ignoring Buffy's comment again. "This is just the type of thing someone like you'd forget…"

"Someone like me?!?" Buffy shrieked, starting to get annoyed.

"It might be a good idea if you put a mark on the top of your shoe so you don't pull a Bill-Buckner and screw it up."

Buffy held up her hands. "Cordy, have you pulled a Willow and OD'd on too much coffee or something? This is one of the craziest things you've ever suggested, and believe me, you've suggested some pretty crazy things in the past!"

"Trust me," Cordy said impatiently. "I'm in theater - I know what I'm doing."

"This isn't some movie guaranteed to have a happy ending, it's my life, Cordelia!" Buffy exclaimed, getting up and pacing herself.

Cordy sat down and watched her friend intensely. She then sighed deeply before simply saying, "Sympathy."

Buffy stopped her pacing and turned to look at her friend. "Sympathy?"

"Sympathy," Cordy repeated as Buffy sat down next to her.

"We want Spike to think you've hurt yourself," Cordelia continued, "A twisted ankle, a tricked knee-that sort of thing. If he cares about you half as much as I know he does, he won't be able to stand by and do nothing. He'll come to your aid, and the minute he touches you, he won't be able to hide how he really feels."

"Sympathy..." Buffy murmured once more.

Cordelia sighed wistfully as she thought of all the possibilities. "Be warned, though. You should be prepared."

"For what?"

"He might just explode at you. Anger in a man is far more complicated than it is with us women. He'll think you aren't taking care of yourself, and for some crazy, self-centered reason, he'll blame himself. Men do that kind of thing, you know. He might even decide to blame his brother, so make sure you take that into consideration."

"I know damn well that Spike'll get angry!" Buffy cried. "He'd have every right to once he finds out the I'm faking an injury to gain his bleeding sympathy!"

Cordy laughed good-naturedly. "You just said bleeding-you are quite the smitten kitten."

"Cordy," Buffy said on the end of a long sigh. "I appreciate your…uh…help, I really do, but I can't pretend to be hurt. First of all Spike would know in an instant. I'm not nearly as good an actress as you - he'd figure me out in no time. You seem to forget that Spike's an experienced attorney."

Cordy frowned, chewing her lower lip as she thought. "Okay," she said after a while. "Forget the limp. The only other thing I can suggest is forthright honesty. It works well for me."

"For some reason, I agree with you," Buffy said. "This whole thing is ridiculous. I'm not good at charades. I'd like to help Angel, but not at the expense of my emotional well-being."

"There's the bitchy Buffy I know and love." Cordy slid to the edge of the cushion. "What are you going to say to Spike?"

"I…don't know yet." Heaviness settled on her shoulders at the thought. "You know what my biggest fear is? That Spike will smile at me in patronizing fondness and tell me how flattered and honored he is by my little confession."

"With sadness echoing in his voice," Cordy added, demonstrating her usual flair for the dramatic.

"Right. Then he'll sigh and add that unfortunately he doesn't share my feelings."

"That sounds just like a man," Cordy agreed. "Of course, he'd be lying through his teeth, because he's being all noble for his brother's sake. Just don't listen to him. Trust me, Buff, this guy loves you."

Buffy wished with all her heart that it were true.

"Well, I'd love to sit here and chat more, but I have a date."

"Devon?"

"Close. Doyle."

"Who?"

"He's irish catholic. I met him at church," Cordy called as she picked up her bag.

"You aren't catholic and you don't go to church…"

"I know," she said, walking out the door.





Angel was in his office working when Buffy arrived Monday morning. "Good morning," he called out cheerfully. "I was hoping it was you."

"Would you like me to get us some coffee?" she asked. Then she glanced toward the machine and noticed Angel had already put on a pot.

He wandered out of his office, mug in hand, and sat on the corner of her desk, one leg swinging like a pendulum. He smiled down on her, his chocolate eyes twinkling. "Are you rested and ready to tackle the world?"

Buffy smiled even though that didn't describe her even on her best Monday morning. "Not quite. Give me until Wednesday or Thursday for that."

"Then this should help brighten your day," he said casually, pulling out a picnic basket. "Come on, we're going to the park."




The impromptu breakfast in the park was very nice. Bagels and muffins and fruit-nothing could've been better. Just two friends, at least that's how Buffy saw it, sitting and enjoying the morning. That was until Angel spotted a mysterious raven-haired girl sitting on a bench with a young man, both about Buffy's age.

"Who's that?" Buffy asked, following his eyes to the couple.

"No one," Angel answered, a little too quickly for Buffy's liking.

"Well, I recognize the man…that's Xander. We went to school together," Buffy said to Angel before calling out to the couple. "Xander! How have you been?"

The young man shot her a happy-go-lucky smile before standing up and leading his companion over to where Buffy and Angel were seated.

"Buffy!" he shouted, pulling her into a hug. "It's been a while…"

Xander continued talking, but Buffy had stopped listening. Instead, she watched the woman looking at Angel awkwardly as she shuffled her feet. Buffy glanced over at Angel, his face masked in cool indifference as he listened to Xander.

"So, Buffy," Xander said, calling back her attention. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, uh this is Angel-Liam Giles…My neighbor, remember?" Buffy said, starting to feel awkward herself. "So…who's your, uh, friend?"

"This is Faith," Xander replied, putting his arm around her, "my girlfriend."

The group continued talking for a minute or two before Buffy told them she and Angel had to return to the office, hoping Angel would tell her about Faith now.

"So, how do you know Faith?" Buffy asked when they got in the car.

"What makes you think I know Faith?" Angel replied defensively.

Buffy raised her eyebrow skeptically as she said, "I'm not naïve, Liam."

Angel sighed deeply, turning the car around towards her house, not the office. He led her to her apartment and waited quietly as she unlocked her door. He sat down on the sofa in silence as she made coffee and set a mug before him before taking a seat next to him.

He sighed deeply again, staring into his mug as if it had all the answers in the world before he spoke softly, "I was at the beach with a few friends of mine. We'd played volleyball and had a few beers and were enjoying ourselves-taking a break from work. We soaked up sunshine and laughter and got rid of a lot of pent-up energy."

He stopped staring at his mug and abruptly met her eyes. "Most of my friends had left and I was winding down by taking a walk along the beach, and that's when I met Faith. She was so hot, standing in the waves, doing karate, or something. Well, a big tide came in crashed right into her-she went under. Being the heroic kind of guy I am, I ran out and saved her. So, we got to talking, her shivering all the while, so I gave her my coat…She looked so beautiful all snuggled in my coat, I knew that…Well, none of that matters now."

"So, I take it you liked her?"

"Well…yeah. There was a freshness about her. She just seemed like a lost little girl hidden away underneath all this roughness…" Angel trailed off again as he stared back into his mug. "I wanted to get to know the girl under all that bull shit, so I asked her out." He smiled as he said, "She turned me down."

Buffy laughed loudly at that thought. "Did she give you a reason or anything?"

Angel chuckled before saying, "Several, as a matter of fact, but I was able to talk her out of all of her objections. She had the most marvelous laugh, and I found myself saying the most ridiculous things, just so I could hear it. Being with Faith made me want to laugh myself. It was the most exhilarating day I'd had in years."

"So you convinced her?" Buffy asked, caught up in the story.

"Not exactly." Caught in memories, Angel didn't seem inclined to say anything more for a minute. Buffy studied him silently as the emotions crossed his face. First she saw his eyes light up with recollection, followed by a pain so deep she yearned to reach out and take his hand. The small movements of his mouth were telling, too. It quivered when he first mentioned meeting Faith, as if that first conversation served to amuse him still, to help ease his pain. But a moment later, the corners sank as his pain took hold. Buffy longed to reassure him, but knew Angel wouldn't have appreciated it.

"As it happened," Angel continued at last, his tone wistful, "I spent the rest of the day and nearly all of the night with Faith. We built a fire on the beach and talked until morning…we started dating regularly after that. I found her refreshing and fun, so much better than the girls I normally date. Our lives were so different…"

"What happened next?' Buffy prompted when he didn't immediately continue. She was eager now for the details.

"I knew I was going to fall in love with her that first day on the beach," he said, his voice so low it was a strain to distinguish the words. "Love isn't something I take lightly, but it hit me then - and I knew."

"I know what you mean," Buffy mumbled. She felt the same way about Spike. Quietly, but clearly, she continued, "Faith sounds like a very special woman."

"She is," Angel whispered softly. "Special enough to marry."

"You asked her to be your wife, didn't you?"

He gave an odd smile, one that was a blend of amusement and pain. "Yes. Afterward, I took her to meet my parents. She was intimidated by my family's wealth - I realized that from the beginning. Who wouldn't be, seeing our estate for the first time? My parents had some doubts, my dad especially, but once they met Faith, they changed their minds."

"I don't remember hearing about the engagement," Buffy said.

"I wanted to give her a diamond, but she preferred a pearl ring, instead. She'd recently completed her student teaching and been hired as a high school teacher. She wanted to make a difference in teenagers' lives, help them like no one ever helped her. Anyways, she wanted to delay making a formal announcement until she'd settled in to her job."

"I wasn't too happy about waiting," Angel confessed, "but I agreed, because, well, because I was willing to do whatever Faith wanted." He paused and drew a deep breath, holding it a moment s if he dreaded continuing. "I first suspected something was wrong in early October. She kept finding excuses why we couldn't see one another. In the beginning I accepted them - I was busy myself - and although I missed her, I didn't press the issue. I didn't like it, mind you, but I understood how busy she was with her new job and such. When Faith mailed me back the ring, I was stunned. I've had some surprises in my life, both pleasant and unpleasant, but none that have shocked me or hurt me more."

Buffy felt angry at Faith for not having the courage to confront Angel face-to-face. If she wanted to break the engagement, even an informal one, than the least she could have done as have the consideration to tell him in person. Mailing Angel the ring was cowardly and cruel.

"So," Angel continued, "I drove over to her apartment in a fury."

"You had every right to be angry."

He shook his head. "I should have waited until I'd cooled down. I wish with all that I am that I had."

Life is filled with regrets, thought Buffy. She'd been carrying around a fair share of her own, especially in the past few weeks.

"When I confronted her, Faith told me there was someone else," he whispered. "I didn't believe her at first. I refused to entertain the thought that a woman as honest and forthright as Faith would see another man behind my back. It didn't make sense in my mind, I couldn't comprehend it, couldn't fathom it-but I was wrong." His voice dwindled to a whisper. "Apparently they met at the school where she teaches. He's a construction worker-built the school and maintains it, or something. The agony of being engaged to me and in love with someone else must have torn her apart."

Buffy dropped her gaze for fear he would read what was in her eyes. She wasn't engaged to Angel, but she continued to see him when she was in love with Spike. While Angel spoke, Buffy had been casting mental stone at Faith, when she was guilty of essentially the same thing.

"I'm so sorry I called them over…" Buffy whispered.

"Faith's a special woman," Angel whispered. "The man who marries her is a lucky man…" He paused again, and that odd smile the one of blended joy and pain returned. "She'll be a wonderful wife and mother."

"Under the circumstances, that's a very sweet thing to say."

"Clearly, you don't know Faith, or you'd think the same thing yourself. In the months since we parted, I've come to realize that my ego played a substantial role in all this. Faith was the first woman to break off a relationship with me." He smiled as he said it; as though it had served him right after all these years. "I guess I'd gotten a bit cocky."

"We're all guilty of that in one form or another," she offered.

He looked at Buffy then, and his gaze sobered. "I've ruined our morning, haven't I?"

"No," she answered immediately without hesitation, hoping he heard the sincerity in her voice. She understood how passionately Angel had loved the woman, and how deeply the pain of their parting still affected him.

More than ever, after hearing Angel talk about losing the woman he loved, Buffy knew she couldn't allow the same thing to happen to her. She couldn't continue to mislead Angel by letting him believe their relationship would evolve into something it was never meant to be.



A week passed. Every time she was with Angel he told her more about his relationship with Faith. She soon realized that every invitation to dinner or a show was an excuse to talk. Every outing was followed by coffee and a long heart-to-heart. It was as though a floodgate had opened inside him, and the need to release the pent-up emotion was too strong to ignore.

They were friends, nothing more, and Buffy was comfortable with their relationship. With their frequent talks, she was able to open up to him, as well, in little ways.

"Have you ever been in love, Buffy?" he asked her unexpectedly one night.

"I think so," she said hesitantly as the strolled along the streets Sunnydale. "Yes," she amended quickly. "And it isn't what you're thinking."

"Oh?"

"It's not you, so don't get a big head." She didn't realize until she spoke how insulting she sounded, and she immediately apologized.

Angel laughed it off good-naturedly.

The night was lovely. The stars were like twinkling rows of sequins that hung so close they seemed draped over the upper limbs of trees.

"You know when it's love, don't you?" he asked after a few moments.

"Yea.." She whispered, slightly wistful.

"Does this mystery man feel the same way about you?"

"I…I don't know. I'd like to think so." Although there were more signs to the contrary.

For Spike continued to avoid her. Other than that brief moment when he'd come into her office, she hadn't talked to him once.

He arrived at the office promptly at eight each morning and left at five. She guessed that his involvement in his father's campaign, which had grown from making sure athletes could read to bettering the entire educational system of the Sunnydale School District, dictated his hours. That meant if she wanted to see him, it had to be during work hours. With his hectic schedule it was easier to get an audience with the pope. Buffy didn't know how Spike managed to cram all he did into a single workday. She'd tried to talk to him, but hadn't found the opportunity when there weren't other people around.

Buffy was quickly losing her patience. She'd never been very patient to begin with, mind you, but what little patience she had, she was losing. And then, just when she was about to throw her hands in the air and scream with frustration, it happened. Quite by accident, and where she least expected it.

At his parents estate.

Angel had learned from Joyce that she'd played on her college tennis team; he'd been intrigued, and challenged her to a game. It had sounded like an entertaining way to spend a Saturday afternoon, and she'd agreed. Since he'd neglected to schedule a time on the courts at the country club, they drove to his parents' home to play.

They smacked the ball back and forth for a solid hour, and Angel soundly defeated her. Not that his athletic ability surprised her, but in her effort to beat him - she was very competitive - she strained her knee. It wasn't anything serious, and she desperately wanted a rematch, but Angel insisted that they stop playing.

They made their way to the house, laughing and in a good mood, her knee long forgotten, to discover Jenny anxiously attempting to start her car without success. She had a doctor's appointment within the hour, that took her forever to schedule, and she was fretting about what she should do.

"Not to worry, Mom," Angel said affectionately kissing his mother's cheek. "I'll drive you."

"But what about Buffy?"

"I'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself," Buffy assured her. She stood in the driveway until the car had disappeared, then wandered back into the house, wiping the perspiration from her brow with the back of her forearm. She walked into the kitchen and, finding a cold soda in the refrigerator, helped herself.

She was humming a show tune when the kitchen door swung open. "Mum, what the bloody hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be at-" Spike stopped when he saw her. "Buffy," he said, his surprise evident.

"Jenny's car wouldn't start, so Angel drove her to the appointment," she explained. Her face was red with exertion, and her hair fell in damp tendrils about her face.

"Angel drove her." Already Spike was physically withdrawing from her. "I'd better go see what's wrong with Mum's car."

"Spike…" Cordy's suggestion about faking an injury came to her mind like a stone from a slingshot. She was injured - well, sort of - and there was no better time than the present to make use of it.

She concentrated her efforts on her right foot and limped toward him. She hated resorting to such an underhanded method, but she was desperate to talk to him. Surely he'd forgive her once he learned the truth.

His gaze went to her knee, his concern immediate. "You hurt yourself," he said, moving toward her. The kitchen door swung in his wake.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"Sit down," he ordered, his voice none too tender. "Does Angel know about this?"

"Yea, but it's not that bad," she mumbled. He pulled out a kitchen chair and eased her into it. His hands at her shoulders were gentle but firm. She closed her eyes at his touch. God, she'd missed him! For days she'd been waited for the opportunity to be alone with Spike, and she wasn't about to waste it now.

"We need to talk," she said. "Listen, I-"

"We'll talk after I've seen to your knee. What in the bleeding hell possessed my brother to leave you like this?"

"Spike, please just listen to me."

"Later." He was busy at work packing ice into a bag.

She was irritated now and leapt off the chair. "My knee will be fine. I strained a muscle or something. It's no bd."

You'd better have a doc – 'bd'? What's that?" Spike asked, suddenly confused.

"Big deal… It's no big deal, Spike."

Spike sighed, positioning her back in the chair, raising her leg and resting it against the seat of a second chair, then balancing the ice pack on the knee.

"I need to talk to you about Angel and me," she said, refusing to be put off any longer. "I'm not in love with Angel, and he doesn't love me. We're just friends, that's it. He's in love with Faith still, and I'm in love with-"

"Keep that ice pack on your leg for a good twenty minutes, understand?"

Infuriated, Buffy rose to her feet and tossed the ice pack into the sink. "You are going to listen to me, William, even if it kills me! I realize I'm making a mess of this. I should never have used my knee to keep you here, but I was desperate."

"Did you or did you not twist your knee?" he demanded as his eyes narrowed in anger.

"Yes, a little, but it's nothing." she assured quickly. "I want to talk about the two of us. About you and me."

"Buffy," he said with ill-concealed impatience. "You're dating my brother."

"Damn it, Spike! Your brother and I are just friends! How many times do I have to say it before it gets through your head? Is all that bleach seeping into your brain and causing so much damage that you can no longer wrap your mind around that concept?"

"There's a change in Angel," Spike insisted heatedly. "Do you think I haven't noticed? For the first time in months, he's his old self. My brother's back again, and it's all due to you."

"Maybe, Spike, but not in the way you think," Buffy replied, growing tired of trying to explain everything to him.

"It doesn't matter what I bloody think!" Spike said angrily, running a hand through his hair. "You're dating my brother, so there can't be a you and me. Don't you understand?"

"No!" She cried. "Clearly I don't fucking understand!"

"Buffy," Spike begged. "It has to be this way."

"But why?" Hot tears blurred her vision.

He didn't answer her for several time-shattering seconds, staring at the floor. "That's just the way it is," he said softly.

"Is…is that the way you want it?" Swallowing became impossible. She knotted her hands into fists at her sides.

"Yes," he said after a moment, the longest moment of her life. "That's the way I want it."

Buffy turned away from him, grateful to the very depths of her soul that she hadn't declared her undying love for him. This humiliation was bad enough.

"Buffy," Spike pleaded.

She hung her head, knowing he would abandon her the way he always did, part of her hoping he did just that-but he didn't. Instead, his arms came around her and turned her to face him. His touch was as if he had to experience holding her, as if the feel of her was the one thread keeping his sanity intact. And then his mouth came down on hers.

This kiss was hungry and hard and demanding, unlike the kisses they'd shared previously. Buffy clung to him, mindful only of this man and the sheer joy she experienced in his arms. Pulling him closer, she played with the hair at the nape of his neck as the intensity of their need increased. He angled her head to one side for a series of short nibbling kissed down her cheek, her throat as his hands wandered all over her body, needing to be every where at once.

"No more," he moaned, then jerked his head away, but she refused to release him, hugging him around the neck and burying her face in shoulder. "Buffy, please." When he tugged her hands free, she realized he was trembling as badly as she was. His hands closed around hers and his head fell forward, hiding his face in her hair.

The sound of the front door closing echoed like a clap of thunder. Spike moved away from her and had his back to her when Angel strolled into the kitchen, whistling. He stopped when he saw Spike.

"Hello, William, my darling brother. I'm glad to see you kept my best girl company."

With something less than a curt nod to his brother, Spike strode out of the kitchen, muttering about looking at Jenny's car.

Buffy thought her heart would break. She rushed to the bathroom, where she proceeded to cry for a good five minutes. Then she washed her face and asked Angel if he wanted to go for coffee.

"Thank you," Angel said when he dropped Buffy off at her apartment half an hour later. "By the way, there's a formal dinner with a few hundred of my father's closest friends Monday night," he said casually. "I'd very much like it if you would attend it with me."

Buffy looked up at Angel, realizing she hadn't heard what he'd said. She hurt too much. Spike didn't love her, didn't want her. She'd all but blurted out her love for him, and he'd rejected her, insisted Angel needed her, and then walked away. As he always did.

"Buffy, are you all right?"

"I'm fine." How easily the lie came, even though she was falling apart on the inside.

"I was asking you about the dinner party."

She blinked. Dinner party?


"Monday night," he said slowly, waving a hand in front of her face. "You'd better tell me what's wrong."

"Would it be all right if I go in now?" she asked, instead. She wasn't in the mood to explain anything, least of all what had happened between her and Spike.

"Of course."

Angel insisted on escorting her into her apartment. He placed her tennis racket in the hall closet and stepped into her kitchen to get her a glass of water.

Buffy sat at the table and smiled her appreciation weakly. "I'm fine," she said, and this time it was a little less of a lie. Yes, she hurt but it was a clean cut, deep and swift. She knew now what she'd suspected all along. Spike didn't want her, didn't love her.

"Thank you, Buff," Angel said again, and although his words were casual, Buffy sensed a deeper meaning.

"For letting you kick my ass in tennis?" she asked, knowing it was much more than that.

The smile faded from his eyes. "For that, too, but mostly for listening to me these last few days. Talking about Faith really helped clear my head. It's shown me what went wrong between us and helped me realize how much I still love her." This was issued with a pain-filled sigh.

"That isn't a sin, Angel." Any more than her loving Spike was a sin.

"Talking is what's helped me. Perhaps you should take note and tell me what's troubling you. You can't fool me - those are tears glistening in your eyes."

Instinctively she lowered her gaze, focusing her attention on the water glass. "I…I'm not ready to talk just yet. Don't be upset with me. I have to sort through my own feelings first."

His hand covered hers. "I understand. You will attend the dinner party with me, won't you?"

Buffy's first inclination was to refuse. Instead, she nodded, "All right." Sitting home feeling sorry for herself would solve nothing, no matter how appealing it may sound. Nor would she give Spike the satisfaction. From here on out she was going to kick up her heels, or something cliché like that, and enjoy life. Even if it killed her, and that was what it felt like just now.

"Spike will be there," Angel said as if he expected her to comment.

She nodded. After this afternoon it made no difference.

"He'll be bringing someone, too," Angel added. "You won't mind if we share a table, will you?"

"I won't mind in the least," Buffy said brightly. "The more the merrier."



"I thought we'd look through your wardrobe before dinner," Cordy said as she entered Buffy's apartment. Buffy realized her mistake the moment she'd mentioned the dinner party to her friend. From that point on, Cordy insisted she choose the dress.

"I've managed to dress myself without a problem for several years now," Buffy felt obliged to say.

Cordy was sorting through the dresses in her closet, shuffling them from one side to another as if this was a mission of great importance. She paused and tapped her foot impatiently. "I can't tell you how disappointed I am in Spike. You're sure you didn't misunderstand him or something?" She sounded as though the fault was Buffy's.

"There was no misunderstanding," Buffy said firmly, wishing she'd never mentioned the incident to Cordy. She wouldn't have except that her friend had been in on virtually every phase of this…this mess. "He doesn't want anything to do with me. He couldn't have made it any clearer."

"I don't believe it. There's something very wrong here, and it's up to you to figure what it is."

"I know what it is," Buffy protested. It wasn't necessary to dissect the problem when the answer was so simple. If Spike did care for her, he would've found a way to make things right. But he didn't, and he hadn't.

"You're coming to my opening night, aren't you?" Cordy asked as she continued to examine the contents of Buffy's closet.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Buffy was proud of Cordy's "BIG break." She'd gotten the plum role of Adelaide, after all, in the local production of Guys and Dolls. Cordy also had a thing for one of the set builders - she always talked about his "salty goodness" after each rehearsal.

"I think I'll invite Spike to the opening," Cordy suggested nonchalantly. "After all, I have met him."

"Do what you want, Cordy," Buffy replied, defeated.

Cordy's laugh was short and telling. "You can't fool me, Buff, I know you too well. I don't know what's wrong with Spike, but trust me, he'll soon come around."

"I sincerely doubt it." Buffy hated to be so pessimistic, but she couldn't stop herself.

Cordy took three dresses from the closet and laid them across her friend's bed. Her hands on her hips, she circled the bed staring at the dresses, eyed Buffy critically, and then returned two of the dresses to the closet.

Buffy reached over and grabbed the remaining dress. It was a red velvet dress with a dramatic side hem that mirrored the one-sleeved neckline. Buffy slowly put it on and examined herself in the mirror.

Cordy came up behind her and softly said, "Perfect."

Buffy smiled, tears glistening in her eyes before whispering, "Almost."

If her escort were the other Giles brother, it would be.



Angel had arrived to pick her up for the dinner party five minutes ahead of schedule, just as Buffy was putting the finishing touches to her makeup. "Beautiful," he said, taking both of her hands in his. "You're absolutely beautiful."

His appreciation lent Buffy confidence - until they reached the table where Spike and his date were sitting. The woman was tall, dark and gorgeous. Every woman's basic nightmare. So much for best-laid plans.

"Drusilla Powell," Spike said. "My brother, Liam, and Buffy Summers."

Buffy's gaze moved to Spike, and she was gratified to discover he was staring at her the way a child gazes into a store window at Christmas time. Cordy had been right - the dress was perfect. Spike abruptly looked away as if angry with himself for being so obvious.

"Drusilla," Angel said, taking the other woman's hand and holding it several moments longer than necessary. "Call me Angel - every one else does."

Dinner was a drawn-out affair, with long speeches congratulating Giles on a job well done. Buffy lost count of the number of speakers and the number of courses served, but they seemed to be running neck and neck. The speeches made dinner conversation almost impossible, but Buffy did manage to learn that "Dru" was a longtime friend of Spike's. Friends and nothing more, Dru went on to explain, reading the situation with amazing accuracy. As for Spike, well, he pretended she wasn't there. He didn't say one word to her the entire meal.

When the dessert dishes were removed, a ten-piece orchestra began to play on a low stage behind the polished oak dance floor.

"You game?" Angel asked, holding out his hand to Buffy. Angel was tapping his foot and swaying his shoulders.

Buffy declined. She wasn't too keen on being one of the first ones on the floor. "Oh, no. Sorry, Angel, but I'd rather sit out for a few."

"I won't take no for an answer." Angel all but pulled her out of her chair. He led her onto the dance floor, and although the number was fast, he brought her into his arms and held her close.

"Angel," she hissed, acutely aware of the impression they were creating. It looked as if they were madly in love and couldn't bear to be separated.

"Shh," he whispered close to her ear.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Me?" he asked, and then threw back his head and laugh as if she'd said something uproariously funny before continuing, "Nothing. I'm having a good time, that's all."

"At my expense," she told him in an angry whisper. "Soon everyone will be talking about us."

"Let them."

"Something is very wrong," Buffy insisted.

He laughed again. "Not exactly, but soon everything should be just right."

Clearly, Buffy didn't have a clue what he meant, but she wasn't going to continue with this farce any longer than necessary. As soon as the number finished, she broke away from him and returned to their table.

"Buffy's knee is bothering her," Angel explained, and before she realized what was happening, Angel had asked Dru to dance and the pair stood and left the table. Spike looked unnerved.

"Well," Buffy said dryly, "I guess you can't keep a good man down."

Spike frowned darkly. "He might have asked someone other than my bloody date." His hand closed around his water glass, and he seemed intent on studying the dancing couples. Intent on not making conversation with her, Buffy thought, which was fine. Just fine. Everything had already been said as far as she could see, and apparently Spike felt the same way.

"How's your knee?" Spike asked unexpectedly.

"It's okay. Angel was using it as an excuse to dance with Dru."

The music circled them in a warm halo of melody. Soon Buffy was tapping her foot, wishing she hadn't been so quick to insist she leave the dance floor.

"Come on," Spike said with a decided lack of enthusiasm. He stood and offered her his hand.

Stunned, Buffy looked up at him.

"There's nothing worse than sitting with a woman who obviously wants to dance."

"There's nothing worse than dancing with someone who obviously doesn't want to be your partner," she countered back haughtily. He just shook his head and took her hand anyway, completely ignoring her comment. He was muttering something under his breath, which she couldn't quite make out. She did hear Angel's name, and she guessed he wasn't pleased with his brother.

Buffy wanted to kick Angel for leaving her alone with Spike. The orchestra had been playing fast-paced songs, but when Spike and Buffy moved onto the floor, the band began a slow, dreamy number. The lights lowered and Buffy groaned inwardly.

"Let's sit this one out," Buffy all but begged.

"Not on your life," Spike said, easing her into his arms. She didn't understand why he felt obliged to dance with her. He held her stiffly in his arms as though afraid to bring her close. His back was rigid and he stared straight ahead.

"Relax," he whispered impatiently. "I won't bite."

"Me?" she said. "I might as well be dancing with a mannequin."

"Okay, let's both make an effort then."

Buffy hadn't realized she was so tense. Determined to do as he suggested, she closed her eyes and released a slow sigh. She felt the tension ease from Spike, and when she opened her eyes he'd brought her closer, close enough for her to rest her head on his shoulder. The solace she found, as their bodies swayed gently to the rhythm, was worth every minute she'd waited to feel his arms around her.


This is where I belong, she mused sadly, where I've always belonged. They fit perfectly. Surely Spike felt it too. Why else would he be holding her as if she was the most precious thing in his world? Why else would his lips be moving against her hair as if he longed to kiss her?

Neither spoke, knowing words would only destroy the moment. She clung to him even when the music stopped, not wanting this blissful time to end.

"We should get back to the table, pet," Spike said softly, and the reluctance she heard in his voice gave her hope.

"I don't see Angel or Dru. Surely it couldn't hurt to dance at least one more number… Do you want to continue dancing, with me?" she asked.

He didn't answer her for a long moment, and then said gruffly, "Yes."

"Good, I do, too…"

"Buffy… Listen…"

She chanced raising her face and looking at him, her eyes filled with a longing so great she couldn't hide it. Pressing a finger over his mouth, she smiled. "Please, Spike, not now."

He briefly closed his eyes, sighed, and nodded.

Buffy lost track of time. She knew they danced far longer than they should have, for more numbers than she could count. Every once in a while she glanced at their table, but neither Dru nor Angel were in sight.

It wasn't until the music sped up again that he revealed any signs of regret. She knew something was wrong the minute he eased her from his arms. His face hardened. She looked up at him and blinked, not understanding.

"I should bloody stake my brother for this," Spike muttered.

"For what?" she asked softly.

A muscle in his jaw jerked as he reined in his temper, but that was the only answer she got.

They left the dance floor and sat like strangers at the table. Buffy couldn't bear it any longer. She stood, excused herself and moved from table to table to greet several old family friends. She returned only when she saw that Angel joined his brother. Dru was nowhere in sight. The two brothers seemed to be having a rapid intense exchange of words, but when she approached, Spike clamped his mouth closed and looked the other way.

"I've neglected you," Angel said contritely, claiming her hand between both of his. "I'm sorry, Buffy. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course." What else could she do? Demand that he immediately take her home? That would have been silly. Especially since she wasn't interested in him as anything other than a friend. Besides, his neglect had given her all that time with Spike.

A breathless and laughing Dru returned to the table a few moments later, and the four them ordered drinks. The waitress had just brought their order when Giles and Jenny approached their table.

"I hope you four are enjoying yourselves."

Angel said that they certainly had been.

Jenny smiled compassionately down on Buffy, and then gently placed her hands on Buffy's shoulders, leaning forward so that their heads were close together. "We owe you so much," she said, kissing her cheek.

"No, not really…" she replied, blushing. The words embarrassed her.

"It's true. Tell her, Rupert," Jenny insisted. "We were about to despair over what was happening with Liam, and that all changed the minute you started working for the firm."

"Mother…" Angel didn't seem to appreciate this, either.

"It's true. You have no idea how pleased Joyce and I are that the two of you are seeing so much of each other," Jenny continued.

"I have to agree with your mother," Giles said in his deep, British-accented voice. "You're a good man, Angel, with a bright future. It was a bloody shame to watch you waste your life over a woman you couldn't have. It's much better now that you're seeing Elizabeth."

A stilted uncomfortable silence followed the father's praise. Within a few minutes of the elder Giles' visit to their table, Spike made an excuse, and he and Dru got up and left. After that, Angel didn't seem too keen to stay either. As for Buffy, she was more than happy to get home. Enough is enough, she thought to herself.



She laid awake most of the night thinking, and by daybreak, she'd made her decision. With purpose driving her steps, Buffy walked into the office the next morning, her eyes burning from lack of sleep.

"I need to see William for a moment," she told Anya.

Anya, noting the determination in Buffy's voice, reached instantly for the intercom and announced her.

Buffy strode into Spike's office and stood before him. He was sitting behind his desk reading a file. He glanced up, his expression guarded, unreadable. "What can I do for you, Buffy?"

Her heart pounding, she said flatly, "I'm resigning from my position with this firm, effective immediately." It was an impulsive thing to do, Buffy realized, considering how difficult it was these days to find a job, but her sanity was more important. She'd do temp. work if she had to. Or work in another field.

If Spike was surprised by her announcement, he didn't reveal it. He leaned back in his chair, calm and composed. "This is rather sudden, isn't it?"

"Yes…but I have to." She avoided eye contact by studying the painting on the wall behind him. It was a seascape with the ocean crashing against a jagged edge of a protruding rock. A bird was perched on the uppermost point of the rock, undisturbed by the raging sea. Buffy wished she could be more like that bird.

"Does Angel know?"

"Not yet," she replied. "Since you were the one to hire me, I felt obligated to tell you first." She was trying her hardest to stand firm and keep this as business-like as possible, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could do that.

He paused as if gathering his thoughts. "If you could work out your two-week notice, I'd really appreciate it."

Buffy wasn't sure what she'd expected. Nothing, she'd told herself, but she realized now that wasn't true. In the deepest part of her, she was praying Spike would ask her to reconsider, that he'd make at least one attempt to change her mind. Perhaps a raise or some other inducement. Instead, he calmly accepted her resignation as if he was almost pleased to see her go.

That hurt. A lot. She held the pain to herself for as long as she could, before turning and walking toward the door.

"Buffy."

She stopped, but didn't turn around.

"You've been a valuable asset to this firm, and we'll miss you."

That was all he was willing to offer. It was damn little.

"Thanks," she whispered, and then walked out the door.

She was trembling by the time she sat down at her own desk. After taking a moment to compose herself, she reached for the phone and dialed Cordy's number.

"You did what?" her friend cried.

Buffy never used the office phone for personal calls before, but she made this day the exception. "You heard me. I quit."

"But why?"

"It's a long story," she murmured, "but suffice to say, I'm tired of this whole thing. I'm over it."

"No, you're not. Spike loves you."

"No," she whispered softly, voice filled with regret, "he doesn't." Cordy's comments and her own foolish heart had swayed her, because she so desperately wanted to believe it was true.

"Buffy, sweetie, don't be so hasty," Cordy all but begged.


It was either leave the firm or lose her sanity, Buffy mused. It'd been a mistake to contact Cordy; clearly, her friend didn't understand.

"What did Angel say?"

"He doesn't know yet," she admitted reluctantly. Not that it would make any difference. No argument Angel offered could convince her to change her mind.

"Just keep me informed, alright? Lately, your life is more interesting than anything on TV!"

Tara came into the office and stared at Buffy, looking as if she were about to burst into tears. "You're l-leaving!"

This office had an information network the CIA would envy. Buffy didn't bother to ask where Tara had heard the news; it didn't matter.

"But you can't go now, not when Liam's back to his old self… Or is it something he did? Did you two have a fight?" Tara asked, her face filled with concern.

"No, I just…I have to get out of here, move on, ya know?"

"Personally," said Tara, "I think it's awful to mix business with pleasure - things always turn sour."

"What does?" Angel asked, stepping into the room, carrying a leather briefcase and looking very much the professional he was. He paused at his secretary's desk and reached for his mail.

"Buffy's resigned," Tara said softly as if she feared being blamed for the whole thing.

Angel dropped his mail and turned to stare at Buffy, his eyes wide and his mouth falling open in disbelief. "Is it true?"

She nodded. Until she saw the look of dismay on his face, she hadn't believed he held any real affection for her.

"Come into my office," he commanded, leading the way and clearly expecting her to follow. When she was inside, he closed the door.

"What's this all about?" he demanded.

To the best of her memory, Buffy had never seen this side of Angel. He looked and acted like Spike. "It's time I moved on," she said weakly, not knowing exactly how much to say, if anything, about the real reason.

"After less than two months?"

She crossed her arms and shrugged.

"Are the hours too long?" Angel questioned, one hand on the phone.

"No."

"We're not paying you enough? Because I can make a phone call and-" Angel said, picking up the phone and beginning to dial.

"No, no, no." Buffy put the phone back on the receiver. "Angel, listen I just think that I need to move on and-"

"Well, may be you shouldn't do that," Angel interrupted.

"Do what?" Buffy asked, confused.

"Think."

"Angel," Buffy sighed.

"There must be a reason why you find it so nauseating to work for me."

"I never said I found it nauseating to work for you." She dropped her hands and formed tight fists at her sides. Angel was acting every bit the attorney.

"So it's the firm that's nauseating. Have we done something to offend you?"

"No! Nothing's nauseating. I never said nauseating - well, I just did but not referring to anyone in the firm or the firm in general…" she trailed off, hating this interrogation. Angel's reaction was certainly the opposite of Spike's. Angel was clearly upset at the idea of losing her.

"Then why? You owe me an explanation," he insisted.

"I don't feel I do…" She hesitated her stomach in knots.

"Is it something I've done?" His voice was gentler now, as if he was trying to soothe her, to gain her confidence.

"No," she assured him. "You've been just great... a good friend. I'll really treasure the time we've had together, Angel, but you don't love me and I don't love you. I think we should just appreciate what we do share and not try to make something of it that isn't there. And we shouldn't let our parents do so either."

He looked puzzled. "That's no reason to quit."

"Maybe not, but it's the right thing for me. Spike asked me to work out my two-weeks notice, which I'll gladly do, but I'm not going to change my mind."

"All right," he agreed reluctantly. "In the meantime, you don't mind if we continue to see one another, do you?" he asked, his 'sad eyes' firmly in place.

"I…don't think that would be a good idea… No it definitely wouldn't be."

Angel jerked back his head as though her answer amazed him. "Are you kidding me?"

"Angel," she sighed. "I really like you, and you're an amazing friend, but…"

"What about coffee to talk about old times?"

"Maybe…"

Angel grinned then, that devilishly handsome grin guaranteed to steal the heart of any woman. Well, not any woman… "I'm not letting you back out of our sailing date, though. I've been really counting on that. You aren't going to let me down, are you?"

"No, I won't let you down." Nevertheless, Buffy's heart sank as she remembered her promise to go out with Angel on his sailboat in three weeks. He'd made the 'date' before the formal dinner event. Before she'd known she wanted far, far away from all of the Giles.

He beamed her a wide smile before heading out to an "early lunch."



Buffy stayed late that night, wanting to clear her desk before she headed back to her apartment. Unconcerned by her stated reluctance to continue seeing him socially, Angel had asked her to dinner, but Buffy declined. Besides she'd been out late the night before, hadn't slept well, and was anxious to finish up at the office and go home.

She was leaving just as Spike came out of his office.

"Good night," she said trying her best to be cordial, cool, and indifferent. She moved down the corridor to wait for the elevator, where Spike soon joined her.

The doors opened, and they stepped inside together. They stood like strangers while the elevator made its descent. Buffy stared idly at the numbers above the door as they lit up one by one. Only a week earlier, she would have been thrilled to have these few seconds alone with Spike, and now she would give anything to just avoid him. Being this close to him physically and so far apart emotionally was agony in its purest form.

The elevator doors silently slid open, and Buffy stepped into the lobby, glad to make her escape. Spike would go about his life, and she would go about hers.

"Buffy." Spike sounded impatient, but she didn't know if it was with her or himself. "Do you want a ride home?"

"No, thanks. I'll just walk."

"I insist," Spike said in steely tones. "It's time we talked."

If Buffy had thought her heart was beating hard that morning when she entered his office, it didn't compare with the way it thundered against her ribs now.

Silently he led her to his car. He unlocked the passenger side door and held it open for her, then went around to the driver's side and climbed in. As he inserted the key into the ignition, he asked, "Did you tell Angel about your resignation?"

"Yeah," she mumbled softly.

"What did he have to say?" Spike asked, jaw clenched, never taking his eyes off the road.

She gestured weakly with her hands. "He asked me not to."

"And?"

"I'm gonna work out my two-week notice."

Spike's hands tightened around the steering wheel, but his face remained emotionless. "Why, Buffy?"

"Why should you care, Spike?" she returned, losing patience with him. "This morning you couldn't wait to get rid of me."

"That's not bloody true," he said sharply.

As he pulled up to her apartment building, she reached for the door handle saying, "I don't think this discussion is getting us anywhere."

"Buffy, stay for a few minutes. Please." His words were soft, without emotion and yet filled with it all at once.

Buffy hesitated. "Fine." She dropped her hand.

"Are you quitting because of what happened at the dinner?"

Confused, Buffy turned to study Spike. "Last night?"

"Well, Angel did bloody abandon you for some trollop. I know what a wanker Peaches can be and that your feelings must have been hurt, but-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" she said, twisting in her seat to look at him directly. "Are you kidding me? You don't honestly think that, do you?"

A puzzled look crowded his features. "Well, yeah. Clearly, Liam doesn't know how to treat a lady."

She was angrier than she could remember being in a long time. " Do you honestly think I'm so shallow I'd quit my fucking job in a fit of damn jealousy? Is that what you think of me?"

He blinked when she finished, as though he expected more.

Buffy threw open the car door, climbed out, and slammed it shut. "I have nothing more to say to you, and you obviously have nothing important to say. Good bye, William."

With that she marched away. She thought she heard Spike's car door close, but she didn't bother to look back.

"Buffy!" he called storming into the empty lobby.

She hesitated, tears were forming in her eyes, and she was having a hard time breathing properly.

"I'm sorry, pet," he said after a tense moment.

She understood then. He was apologizing for much more than their argument. He was telling her how much he regretted not loving her.

Other than brief glimpses Buffy didn’t see Spike all during the next two weeks. A new legal assistant, Andrew, was hired, and Buffy helped train the nervous young man.

On her last day a teary-eyed Tara came in the office and said, “ I hope you change your mind. I’m gonna miss you so much.” She cast a speculative eye toward Angel’s closed office door. “I’m sure Angel’s going to miss you, too…Oh! By the way, Spike wants to see you in his office. You better not make him wait.”

Angel had made several attempts in the past two weeks to bribe her into staying, but Buffy had stood unwaveringly by her decision. Although it had been an impulsive act, it was the right thing to do.

Buffy reached for a pad and pen before starting toward Spike’s office, although she highly doubted he expected her to take notes. When she arrived at his office Anya hurriedly waved her in.

She found Spike standing at the window, his back to her. His hands were clasped behind him, the pose he assumed when he was thinking or when something was troubling him. She wondered if he found her departure upsetting, then decided if that was the case he’d have said so long before now.

“You wanted to see me?” she asked quietly, almost afraid to break the silence.

He turned around and offered her a reassuring smile. “Yes, please sit down.” He motioned toward the chair, then claimed the seat behind his desk. He reached for an envelope and handed it to her.

“It’s your paycheck,” he explained. “I took the liberty of adding a small bonus.”

“That wasn’t necessary,” she said, surprised by the gesture.

“I never claimed it was.”

“Really, Spike,” she began hesitantly, “ you didn’t have-”

“I wanted to,” he interrupted. “You’ve been a great help to the firm, and I don’t-”

“Please, don’t do this,” Buffy calmly said as she stared at her shoes.

“Fine then,” he said clearing his throat. “Uh, have you found another position yet?”

“Nope,” she said, popping the p. “As of 5 o’clock today, I’m an jobless-Buffy.” Working every day had made searching for a job almost impossible. There would be time enough for that later, in the days and weeks to follow.

“I see,” he said unemotionally. “If you’d like, I’d be happy to write you a letter recommendation.”

“I’d appreciate that, but I plan on moving to the east coast…I have friends that live there…” Buffy trailed off softly.

“Oh.”

“Yea…I was thinking about starting something new. As much as I love the law thing, I think I wanna try something else.”

His eyes revealed a sadness Buffy had never seen before, his smile bittersweet. “Well, you were pretty good at the ‘law thing.’ I’m sure you’ll be good at whatever you decide to do.” He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “If you ever need anything-”

“I know,” she interrupted softly, her eyes downcast.

She slowly turn and walked away. She hesitated for a moment at the door, her hand poised on the knob, forcing down the tears in her eyes. They could wait until she got home.

“Good bye, William,” Buffy whispered so quietly that Spike barely heard her.

“Good bye, Buffy…I really wish thing were different…If they were, I could really lo-” He stopped when he realized she was already gone.




“I can’t believe you just left it like that.” Cordy was outraged, pacing Buffy’s living room like a caged tiger. She hadn’t been able to stand still from the moment Buffy had told her about her last meeting with Spike.

“What did you expect me to say? It’s not like I could’ve done anything else! God, Cordy!” Buffy stood up. She’d had enough. “If he had a shred of feeling for me, this would have been a golden opportunity for him to say something. But he didn’t! Cordy, he doesn’t love me!” Tears started forming in her eyes somewhere throughout her rant, but now they were full out sobs. “Why doesn’t he love me?”


She fell to the ground in a heap. Cordy kneeled down next her, holding her as she cried. She stroked her hair for a moment and whispered comforting words in her ear. “He’s an idiot…I mean his name is Spike for the love of God! He can’t even stand up to his brother for-” Cordy stopped, her eyes widening as she realized something before standing up. “You are so stupid!”

“Way to comfort me,” Buffy mumbled as she grabbed a Kleenex.

“I’m serious…Does he know you’re not seeing Angel?”

“What? Of course!”

“How can you be so sure? Did you tell him?” Cordy questioned quickly, her eyes narrowing.

“No,” she said quietly as she sniffled softly.

Cordy lifted her hand in frustration. “Well, duh! You cunt face! He thinks you’re still dating his brother.”

“I never was dating his brother! Plus, he’s gone out with that Darla chic twice this week. Spike knows that. Me and Angel are just friends! There was no dating! No dating whatsoever!” She stood up and stomped her foot a little. “We’re very non-datey!”

“I thought you told me you and Angel were going sailing this weekend?” Cordy asked curiously, sitting down on the couch for the first time since she arrived.

“Not this weekend. Next,” Buffy said, joining the party on the couch.

“Aha!” Her friend slapped the end of the coffee table. “There‘s the dateyness! Wait, that makes no sense…” she trailed off.

“Cordy,” she sighed, “just leave it. I probably won’t be seeing Spike again. I mean, I’m moving in like two weeks. Apparently that’s how he wants it. I couldn’t have been more obvious about how I felt.”

“Not apparent! You could’ve-” she stopped and shook her head sadly. “I guess I must be more of a romantic than I realized. I was so sure he was in love with you. I was so confident I was right, I guess, because I wanted to be. I’ve waited all these years for you to fall in love, to be truly in love, and now that you have…” Her voice faded as a frown ruled her features. “I was so very sure,” she whispered, the puzzled expression growing more intense as though she didn’t understand, even now, what could possibly have gone wrong.



“This is a treat,” Buffy said sitting across the table from her mother in their favorite restaurant.

Joyce spread the linen napkin on her lap and smiled. “I’m gonna miss you so much, baby. I just don’t understand why you-”

“Quit my job?” she finished. “Mom,” she sighed. “I had to.”

“Why, Buffy?”

“Everyone was trying to force Angel on me, and I didn’t want that…” Her eyes watered as she played with her napkin. “I wanted Spike,” she admitted in a whisper.

“Oh, Buffy,” she began in her very best motherly voice “I’m so very-”

“Mom, please, let’s just not,” Buffy interrupted, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

“Ok then,” she relented with a sad smile. “That’s not why I asked you here.”

Buffy's heart stopped when her mother said that. What could she have to tell me? A million options ran through her head.

"Your father and I are getting a divorce. I'm losing everything," Joyce took a deep breath before continuing, "and so are you."

"What?" Buffy asked quietly. Daddy doesn't love us anymore...

"Your father is starting a new life, with a new woman, and he doesn't want either of us to be apart of it."

"But...I-he...Why?" Buffy's eyes darted quickly over the table as if the napkins could give her some divine answer.

"Sometimes...People just, fall out of love," Joyce responded with unshed tears in her eyes. "And sometimes all the love in the world isn't enough to make things better again."




Buffy's days were spent packing and getting ready for her move. She had never been more confused in all of her young life. Maybe Spike did love her, but maybe that wasn't enough for them. Maybe he didn't love her at all.

The day she and Angel went sailing came all too quickly.

"Once on board, you can go below and unload the groceries," Angel instructed, as they walked along the floating dock at the marina. When they reached the berth where the thirty-foot sailboat was moored, Angel help Buffy aboard.

While she went below, Angel moved forward and busied himself with the sails, setting the jib and readying the spinnaker.

"Jesus, Angel, you packed way too much food!" Buffy shouted through the open stairwell that led to the deck above.

"I eat a lot." Came the simple reply. The day was lovely, the wind perfect for sailing. despite all his comments about being the captain while she was the crew, Angel seemed eager to do the majority of the work. Putting away a few bags of groceries seemed like such an easy task.

"I'll probably set sail while you're below," Angel shouted down to her, "so don't be concerned if you feel the boat move."

Buffy's experience as a sailor was limited. Angel had insisted for weeks that he was going to change all that. Before the end of the day, he claimed she'd be a top-notch mariner. Apparently the lessons started in the galley.

Humming as she worked, Buffy unloaded the three large grocery bags. Clearly they were going to eat well this weekend. She was busy cleaning lettuce for a salad later when she heard voices up above, but although she craned her neck to see who Angel was speaking to, she couldn't see anyone. It was probably someone standing on the dock, Buffy decided.

A few moments later came the sound of the sailboat's small outboard motor. The boat dipped slightly as Angel moved ahead and raised the sails. When the motor stopped, she knew they were a safe distance from the marina.

She finished her tasks, and, bringing a couple cans of cold soda with her, climbed up from the galley. It wasn't until she looked away from the helm that she realized someone else and joined them.

Spike.

Buffy cast an accusatory look in Angel's direction, but it was nothing compared to the look Spike sent his way.

"I didn't know Angel had invited you," she said.

"I didn't know he'd invited you," Spike returned his voice cut by the wind. The boat tilted to one side and sliced through the water.

"Angel?" Buffy glared at the man she'd once considered a friend.

Angel was grinning broadly, clearly pleased with his own cleverness. "Didn't I mention that William would be coming along?" he asked innocently.

"No, it must have slipped your mind," she answered curtly, handing each brother a can of soda and retreating to the galley. Angel was pretending the situation was the result of miscommunication, but she knew he'd purposely set it up.

Spike followed her below a few minutes later. She was sitting at the booth, her back against the side of the boat and her legs outstretched on the upholstered seat. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she tried to take in what was happening.

Spike didn't look any happier with this turn of events than she did. Walking over to the refrigerator, he replaced the can of soda she'd given him as though that had been his sole purpose in coming below.

"I just want you to know, pet, that I didn't arrange this meeting, if that's what you're thinking."

Buffy had nothing to say. She wasn't angry with Spike; he'd been just as manipulated as she had. She didn't know what game Angel was playing, but she wanted no part of it. She was done playing.

"I imagine having me around ruins your day with my brother," Spike said in what sounded strangely like an apology. He investigated the cupboards as if searching for something to eat. He brought out a bag of potato chips. "Are you still planning on moving? What with your mother needing...financial support now?"

"My staying here would only be a burden to her...What with me being unemployed and all."

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" he said, eyeing her suspiciously as he slipped into the narrow booth across from her.

"Of course not." She smiled warmly.

"Why did you decide to quit?" He opened the bag of potato chips and offered it to her. Buffy took a handful of chips and dumped them on the tabletop, grateful for something to occupy her hands.

"Why did I decide to quit?" she said, repeating his question thoughtfully. He isn't going to like my answer... "Mainly because of what happened at the dinner party."

Spike's vibrant eyes glittered with indignation. "Then it did have something to do with the attention Angel paid Dru."

"No," she flared back. "I quit because of the pressure I felt from our parents. They practically had Angel and I engaged."

"You can do far worse than marrying Liam."

"How can you even suggest such a thing?" she demanded, her voice quavering. I'd never marry a man I didn't love. "What in the hell is the matter with you, William?"

"With me?"

"Are you deaf or something? Did you hear me in the kitchen of your parents' home less than three weeks ago?"

He frowned. "Yes." The word was clipped and angry.

"Then how can you ask such a stupid question?"

Spike's eyes were furious now. He wasn't the kind of man to take kindly to insults.

Buffy grabbed a potato chip and shoved it into her mouth. Crunching down on something crisp and salty seemed to help with her frustration.

"But Angel-"

"If you so much as suggest Angel's in love with me," she interrupted, "I swear I'll rip out your rib cage and wear it as a hat."

Spike looked taken aback by her angry retort. He closed his mouth and frowned heavily. Reaching for the potato chips, he munched on two or three, and for a moment this was the only sound in the galley.

"You know my problem, don't you?" she said.

"You mean you only have one?" Spike asked with honey-coated sarcasm.

Buffy ignored the comment. "It's that I assumed a man who had passed the bar and was one of the most brilliant minds in corporate law in California today, would-"

"How's everything down there?" Angel called down. "Are you two talking yet?"

Buffy looked up to find that the younger Giles brother had opened the door to the galley and was sitting almost directly above them, his arm on the helm, steering the sailboat.

"We just bloody insulting each other!" Spike called back.

"That's a good place to start." Angel sounded disgustingly cheerful. "There's something you should know," he added. "I don't have any intention of turning this boat around until you two have reached an agreement."

"About what?" Buffy demanded.

"We'll get to that in a moment. Now, Spike, admit you're in love with Buffy and be done with it. Quit playing these ridiculous games."

"Spike in love with me?" she repeated incredulously. "Not a chance in hell."

"Ooo. Such language...So that's the way it's going to be," Angel called down. "No worries. I packed enough food to last us a good three or four days."

"Don't be such a wanker." Spike was beginning to sound impatient.

"Listen up, big brother," Angel shouted. "You didn't think I saw you the day you kissed Little Miss Buffy in Mom's kitchen, but I did. You're crazy about her. What I can't figure out is why you insist on hiding it."

"You were the one dating her."

"So?"

"I don't get involved with your women."

"His? I'm not anyone's, let alone his!" Buffy shouted in disgust.

Both brothers ignored her.

"There's always an exception to the rule. If you're in love with her, like I suspect, then why didn't you just say something?"

Spike's mouth thinned. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," Angel insisted.

"Listen, you two," Buffy said, interrupting the exchange. "If you don't mind, I'd rather you didn't discuss me like I wasn't even here."

Again, both men continued to ignore her.

"Buffy's been crazy about you since she was a kid," Spike declared.

"So?" Angel returned. "She grew up and fell in love with you. A woman can change her mind if she wants. They've been known to do that."

"But you love her!" Spike insisted impatiently.

"You're right-like a sister. She'd make a terrific sister-in-law. We get along great."

"That does it!" Buffy shouted, standing up. "I am so damn sick and tired of you both thinking you know what's best for me. Talking about me, about my future, as if I wasn't in the room. What about what I want?" she asked climbing the steps.

"Buffy, I thought-"

"Shut up, Angel!" Buffy took off her shoes and looked out towards the pier. Not that far... "You know what I want? Off this damn boat! Call me when you get your asses out of the dark ages. Women can think for themselves now. I'm not about to have my life decided for me...Look where that got my mother."

With that, Buffy jumped right off the boat and swam toward the marina, praying to whoever would listen that she wouldn't come in contact with a man, especially a Giles man, for a very long, long time.

Chapter 11

Cold...She'd forgotten how cold ocean water got. She hadn't swam in the ocean since she was 16. She was freezing her ass off at the moment.

Oh well, it was worth it, Buffy thought determinedly. She knew she made the right decision in jumping off the godforsaken boat.

Things did not go how she planned. She knew she should have never agreed to that stupid boating trip. She should have just finished packing her things and left quietly. She should have stayed as far from the Giles as possible.

Upon reaching the marina, Buffy realized she didn't have a way home- Angel had picked her up after he got done grocery shopping.

Crap...

Wet, alone, and cold, Buffy started her long walk home, her shoes making a very unsatisfying squish with every step she took. The tips of her hair curled in wet tendrils as she sighed softly, trying to squeeze as much water out of her shirt as possible. Tears stung her eyes, but she would not allow herself to cry again. She'd cried enough for both Giles men to last her a life time.





"Get in the car."

"What? No!" Buffy replied, not even looking at the car that was slowly following her as she continued walking.

"We have to talk," Spike replied firmly.

"No, we really don't," Buffy said as she struggled to keep her voice just as firm as his was.

"Buffy," a very annoyed sigh slipped from his lips. "Can you please be mature about this, pet?"

That caused Buffy to stop walking and turn towards the car, anger flaring up in her eyes. "Mature? You want me to be mature?" She laughed sarcastically. "Are you kidding me? I've tried to be mature, but you...You just don't..." she sighed deeply. " I can't do this."

"Just let me drive you home, luv, and then you never have to see me again," he pleaded with a tired sigh.

"Is that a promise?" She asked sharply.

His eyes studied her carefully before he responded, "If you want it to be."




They rode in silence, Buffy refusing to even look at Spike. So lost in her own thoughts and her own frustrations, it took a while for Buffy to realize they weren't headed in the direction of her apartment.

"William, what are you doing?" Buffy asked, finally turning away from the window to look at him.

Spike winced briefly at the sound of his given name from her lips before responding, "We have to talk."

"I don't want to talk," she replied stubbornly, her arms crossed and a pout formed on her lips.

"By we, I really just meant me, luv."

"Don't call me luv."

Spike chuckled as he turned on to the freeway.

"Spike...where are you taking me?" she asked him, alarm filling her voice.

"Away."

With an aggravated sigh, Buffy flopped back in her seat. There was nothing she could do aside jumping out the window, which didn't sound to appealing. Neither did sitting in a car with Spike Giles, however.

"How long do you plan on driving?" she said, trying to convey how annoyed she was in that one question.

He turned to face her. His eyes studying her up and down. They finally rested to meet hers.

"I don't know," he replied softly. "How long do you plan on acting like a right bint?"

She huffed, her pout becoming more prominent. She tapped her foot as she gazed down as herself, immediately realizing how childish she was acting. She didn't care though-if they were going to treat he like a child, she sure as hell was going to act like a child.

"If I knew what bint meant, maybe I'd tell you."

Chapter 12
After an hour or so of driving, Buffy finally realized where Spike was planning on taking her. The Cabin. When they were younger, many 4th of Julys and Labor Day weekends were spent with the families at the Giles' cabin up by the lake. She used to love these vacations. All that time with Angel...
Obviously, a younger Buffy spent most of that time vying for Angel's attention. She was idiot then, but not any more. She was determined to not act like that over any guy ever again.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Buffy exclaimed. "There's no way in hell I'm going in there with you. Are you insane? No. Not happening."

"Why not?" Spike asked. "It's the perfect place. Secluded, quiet..."

"Miles away from civilization!"

"Buffy..." Spike sighed. "I just want to talk to you."

"I'm done talking to you!" she screeched.

"Well, we're going to stay there until you hear me out!" he finally lost control and yelled back.

"You can't kidnap me like this...It's illegal and you...you can't..." she trailed off, knowing he could. Her mom would do nothing to stop him. Hell, she probably would support it.

He smirked, knowing that she realized his thought process. "Well, pet, the sooner you talk to me. The sooner we can go home and have a nice family dinner," he joked.

"I'm done," she sighed, suddenly looking very tired. "Don't you get that? I'm done with all of it. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want anything to do with you anymore!"

Spike was quiet for a long time, his knuckles turning white as he clenched the steering wheel, eyes never leaving the road. As he pulled up to the cabin he asked softly, so softly in fact, she barely heard him. "Do you really mean that?"

"I don't know what I mean any more, William," she replied before quickly hopping out of the car and heading up the stairs toward the room she claimed as her own many years ago.

Once she got there, the first thing she did was tear down all the band posters she had put up when she was younger, when she thought New Kids on the Block was the coolest thing on the planet. And the hottest, she thought with a giggle. She continued to tear up anything and everything she found from her childhood. She wasn't a child any more.



About an hour or so later, Spike knocked softly on her door. "Dinner's ready, pet. Come down and eat with me."

"I'm not hungry!" she called through the door.

"Pet...please come out and eat something," he pleaded desperately.

She roughly opened the door, glaring at him before passing him by and walking downstairs, stomping loudly at every step, the tension coming off her in waves.

"There's not much-just chips and sandwiches-but I figured it would be fine until I go to the grocer's," Spike said in an awkward attempt to break the silence that had ensued in the dinning room.

"Don't trouble yourself by going to the store," Buffy said absent-mindedly, as she picked at her chicken sandwich. "I'll be leaving soon enough any ways."

"Buffy, I can't let you leave," he paused briefly before continuing with a soft smile, "I love you."

Angrily, Buffy slammed her food down. "Are you expecting me to admit I love you as well?"

"Well, I was hoping we-" he began before she interrupted him.

"Am I supposed to fall all over myself trying to make sure you have the perfect little woman now that you have so graciously decided to love me?"

"No, I was hoping we could start all over?" he asked with another unsure smile.

She only glared at him, letting the pain of all the months of his rejection surface. "I won't make a fool over myself for another Giles, or any other man, for that matter."

"You did it for Angel," Spike grumbled defensively.

Buffy's eyes widened incredulously. "You are so... God, I can't even look at you right now. What is wrong with you?"

Promptly, she burst into tears and ran to her room, locking the door behind her. Shutting him out.

Head in his hands, tears slid silently down his eyes as he listened to the anguished sobs of a little lost girl destroying her room. Destroying the safe, secure childhood that was created for her.

His brother did that to her...No, He had done that to her. He only had good intentions. He only wanted what was best for her and Angel. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Now, he couldn't even fix things. She had already shut him out.

Chapter 13
Dearest Buffy,

I don't know what to say to you, or if you'll even read this letter for that matter. I'm going to the grocer's to get food and to your mom's to get you some clothes. I should be back soon. I'll try to hurry-I know you always hated being up here all alone. I never realized how much I knew about you. Until now.


I know this is completely ridiculous, and I can't keep you here forever against your will. I didn't want to kidnap you or force you into anything, but sometimes you can be such a stubborn little chit. Believe me when I say I was at the end of my bleeding rope, and this was a last resort.

I want to work through this because I want to be with you, pet. I don't want to be with anyone else. You are truly the greatest woman I've even known, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. It's hard enough imagining the office without you there.

I know I've been terrible to you. I know I'm a git, and I don't deserve you. Please believe me when I say that I love you, and I just thought I was doing the right thing by Liam and by you. I wanted to help my brother so much that I was willing to do anything to get you two together. I didn't take into account that I could end up falling for you. I was scared.

I've never been in love before. I was always so damn focused on my career. And then you came along. You changed everything. Threw me for a loop. God, I just fell so hard and so fast, but I just wanted my brother to be happy. Family has always been so important to me. I saw you changing him. I thought it was through your love, but it was really through your friendship.

It amazes me what you did with Liam. What you did to me as well. I really do love you. I love you so much it hurts. I love everything about you from the way you smile to your biting wit to the way you try. I love your determination and your strength. You are so beautiful inside and out. I've never met anyone like you.

I hope you can forgive me some how. I hope I didn't permenantly ruin things for us. I never meant to hurt you. I wanted you to be happy so much that I didn't realize I was the one taking away your happiness. I promise if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Will you let me?

Love Always,

William

Buffy read over the letter she found on the kitchen table a third and then a fourth time. She read it over and over until the words blurred and her tears dripped down the paper. She had not been this confused in a long time. William loved her. He was sorry. He wanted her. But what did she want?

For the longest time, Angel Giles was her dream. Everything was focused on him. Her sun did not shine if he was not there, but now she was different. She had just been a girl then.

She was a woman now. A woman very much in love with Spike Giles. Spike, William, had hurt her. By giving him her heart, he could only hurt her more. Her mom had given her dad the same thing and look where that got her. Buffy didn't think she could handle that kind of pain.

But what would she do without Spike? Could she really imagine life without his accent or his smile? Did she want to go through a day without the friendly banter and considerate gestures? Yes, he could hurt her. He could break her heart again, but he could also love her. Would she let him?

She knew deep down in her heart the answer. Now all she had to do was wait. For him.

It was well past midnight when Spike, in his beaten up De Soto, pulled into the long driveway. He reached into the backseat to grab his purchases before heading towards the darkened cabin. He walked slowly with trepidation, heavily laden with two duffels and several large paper grocery bags, his thoughts focused on a small blonde slip of a woman who in such a short time, or maybe she'd been there all along, had rooted herself very deeply into his heart. He wearily opened the door praying to a God he long ago lost connection with that Buffy would still be awake. Or even there for that matter...

"Kitten?" he called as he started to put the groceries in the pantry. "Pet, are you awake?"

When no one responded, he finished putting the rest of the groceries in their proper place before walking upstairs slowly, almost dreading what he'd find there, calling her name (and various other pet names) all the while.

He crept cautiously into her room, careful not to wake here, when he noticed she was not there. Oh God...Oh God... She had left. She didn't just leave, she left him. She had actually left him. He didn't know what to do.

'Okay, Spike,' he told himself as he walked out of her room, 'it'll be okay. You can handle this. You need to just go to your room and...'

There, in his room, in his bed, he saw the most beautiful sight he had ever seen in his life. Buffy, wearing only one of his black shirts, curled up above the covers, asleep. Waiting for him. In his bed.

"Oh, baby," he whispered softly before stripping off his duster and shirt. Reaching into an open drawer, he grabbed a pair of track pants, quickly slipping off his jeans and putting them on. He stared at her, running his hand gently over her face, trying to remember every last detail of this moment. She looked so...perfect. He knew this is what he wanted to come home to every night.

He cautiously slid in next to her; his arms now seemed useless and awkward because he didn't know what to do with them. Was he allowed to touch her? She was in his bed after all...

She immediately answered his question for, sensing his presence, she turned around and snuggled up into his chest. Seeing that as an open invitation, he wrapped his arms around her tightly as he kissed her temple. He didn't want to fall asleep. He inhaled her sweet Buffy smell intermingled with the shampoo they kept at the cabin, wanting to savor this moment. Nothing could have smelled better.

He wanted to just watch her. She was so beautiful, curled up next to him, a small smile on her angelic face. He fought off sleep for as long as he could, but she was just too warm, too comfortable. She fit next to him. She belonged next to him. He drifted into one of the best sleeps he'd had in a very long time.



Buffy woke up trapped-she couldn't move at all. Before she had a chance to panic, her barrier awoke, gently removing himself from her. Then she remembered last night.

After reading the letter, she cried her eyes out in the shower before coming into his room in search of clothes. When she found one of his beloved black T-shirts, she slipped it on enjoying his scent. She was surrounded by him. And it hurt. It hurt so damn much.

She started to feel uneasy about the whole situation. She loved him. She was pretty sure of that. He claimed to love her, but did he really? Would he "fall out of love" like her dad did with her mom? Would she?

Sitting on the bed, she realized she didn't want to leave, so she waited for him. She sat and thought, torturing herself endlessly of the possibility of life without him. However, loving him and losing him would hurt even worse. She contemplated their relationship, or non-relationship, until she was too exhausted to think anymore, falling into a fitful slumber.

He must have returned to find her asleep in his bed. Apparently he decided to join her. With him cuddled up next to her, she slept much better. Better than she had in a long time in fact.

"Spike?" she said softly, his name sounding like a question because she wasn't really sure of the situation enough to say anything else.

"Hey, pet. Did you sleep well?" He said just as softly, a shy smile graced his face. "I know I did."

He leaned over and kissed her temple, stroking her cheek.

"I...uh, I..." she stuttered before blurting, "Did you get me any clothes?"

He sighed softly and watched her pull away, his arms never felt so empty. "Yeah, kitten, I didn't know what to get, but Joyce gave me some stuff that she said you'd want. They're in a duffle bag in your room. I hope they're fine..."

She awkwardly stood up, stumbling slightly as she pulled his shirt down as far as possible, feeling utterly comfortable in front of him with her lack of clothing. "I'll just go...get them...and do the shower thing and then I'll, um, change into them." She cringed at the shaky uncertain tone of her voice before turning and rushing toward the door.

She knew if she stayed there any longer, she'd jump him. Without a shirt on, he looked even more gorgeous than usual. She kept stuttering and getting distracted because of those luscious abs.

"So that's it then?" His question stilled her hand on the door. She hazarded a glance back at him on the bed, where he had stretched out in a poor attempt at remaining casual, as he continued, "I spill my heart out to you, find you in my bloody bed, and all you have to say is that? Pet, we have to talk about all this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"You can't keep sending me mixed signals like this." He rubbed his face with an exasperated sigh.

"Mixed signals! Are you kidding me? You're the damn King of mixed fucking signals!" she shouted, turning back towards him.

He looked up guiltily, before replying, "Well, isn't it about time we worked it out?"

"Why? Because you finally want to?"

"Because this has gone on long enough," he said, trying desperately to stay calm. She could be so bloody stubborn.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked, her eyes narrowed in anger. "That I love you, too?" She scoffed.

"That would be nice," he smirked, trying to keep the insecurity out of his voice.

"I don't know how I feel or what to think, but god forbid, now that the great William "Spike" Giles knows what he wants everything in the world will crumble unless he gets it right this second!" Her voice dripped with sarcastic venom as she spat out each word.

"So you just laid in my bed to torture me? To punish me for all these months?" His voice rising every second.

"May be," she said, biting her lip in an attempt to hide the obvious lie.

"Believe me, pet, I'm kicking my own ass, knowing that we could have been doing that for a long time." He paused his features softening as well as his voice. "Last night was the best night of my life. To think I might have let you walk out of my life..."

"I'm still here," her own voice and features softening as well with that statement. "I just...I don't know about all this, William. What you did was-"

"I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it? What does it bloody take?"

He sat up, his head now in his hands. Buffy was silent for a moment, crossing the room slowly, and, upon reaching the bed, she straddled his lap. He looked up at her sharply, shock overtaking his handsome face.

She never broke eye contact as she caressed his cheeks, her fingers tracing over the planes of his face gently. Her eyes moved rapidly, searching his own. Spike was tempted to break contact because of the sheer intensity in her eyes, but he didn't, wanting to see where this would lead. Where she would let it lead.

She leaned in and kissed his forehead softly, grazing over his pale skin. She moved down and kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, before finally reaching her target-his mouth. She barely brushed his lips with her own, once, twice, before running her tongue sweetly across his lip-requesting an invitation to his mouth, which he did not hesitate to give.

They gently explored each other's mouths, tongues, and lips, as their hands caressed the other's body, trying to commit each new sensation to memory. Both realized that this was more about connecting on a higher level and offering comfort than about the simple lust and attraction that had built up over the past few months.

His hands tangled into her hair before sliding down her back and reaching under his shirt to caress the smooth skin found there, promising himself he would never let her go again.

Her hands moved more slowly around his body before coming to rest at the nape of his neck, playing with his soft hair.

As the kiss grew in intensity, Spike stood up, grasping her thighs to hold her in place. Buffy, in turn, wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. He pressed her into the door, trying to get as close to her as possible. Buffy pulled back for a breath, causing Spike to attack her neck, nipping and sucking the exposed skin there.

Buffy held his head to her neck as she panted for air. Feeling him harden against her thigh, she let go of his head.

Finally after what felt like forever and only a moment all at once, Buffy let her legs drop. Spike continued to nuzzled her neck, his hot breath hitting it in rapid secessions as he panted heavily, trying desperately to calm down. His eyes clenched in fear that she would reject him and run away again.

Buffy grabbed his chin, gently forcing him to look at her. For a brief moment, she toyed with the idea of letting this continue. God knows she wanted to. She hadn't been this hot in a long time. Hell, she'd never been this turned on. And he looked so...beautiful, but no. It was too much, too fast. She wanted to do this right.

Spike was having the same problem. Buffy looked thoroughly kissed, her hair mussed and her lips swollen. A small hickey forming on her neck, marking her as his. He took a step back, trying to gain control of his body. He had to force himself to maintain the eye contact he knew she wanted.

"Time, William. It takes time," she whispered, finally answering his question. She graced his lips with one last quick chaste kiss before she slipped out of the room.

A few moments later, Spike heard the shower turn on. He flopped down on the bed, a knowing smirk growing on his face. Now Spike wasn't a very patient man, but some things were worth it. A one Miss Buffy Summers definitely ranked very high on his worth it scale. For her, he had all the time in the world.