Chapter 1

Buffy gathered her purse and keys in one hand and Dawn’s little hand in her other. Armed and ready to face the fiercest creatures in the world: last-week-before-Christmas shoppers.

“Now Dawnie, you have to stay with me the whole time we’re inside ok? There’s going to be many people around doing their Christmas shopping and I really don’t want you getting lost. You have to stay where I can see you the whole time if you’re not holding my hand. Is that a deal?” Buffy looked at Dawn’s innocent little five-year old face and hoped she would follow instruction.

“Ok Buffy. I know I hafta stay where you can see me,” she smiled up at her sister with a wide gap-toothed grin.

“Alright pumpkin! Let’s go then,” Buffy tugged lightly on her sister’s hand as she led her through the doors of the mall. And ‘many people’ was certainly an understatement. The entire mall was full of families, teens, and adults busy in a last minute Christmas shopping spree.

“Are we gonna get somethin’ nice for mommy?” Dawn asked her sister.
“I’m sure we can find her something real nice for her. How about we go to the flower shop and see what they have?” Buffy felt her heart constricting as she contemplating getting a gift for her mother. The last few months had been a blur, first her father was killed by a drunk driver, then her mother’s illness. She wouldn’t think about that, today was for friends’ gifts and keeping Dawn in good spirits.

The sisters made their way into the department store on a quest for the perfect presents for her best friends Willow and Xander. Buffy hadn’t had much time to see her friends lately, but they were coming over on Christmas Eve and she wanted it to be perfect. Dawn was already fidgeting beside her five minutes later while Buffy was contemplating a pretty beaded necklace she thought would be perfect for Willow. The jade beads would go perfect with her complexion.


Dawn was bored. Buffy had promised her that they could go to the toy department to look at the new stuffies and dolls that she so badly wanted Santa to deliver to her this year. She started wandering off in the direction of the toy department, making sure to keep in Buffy’s line of sight. Dawn looked towards the perfumes where Buffy was currently standing smelling the stuff the lady at the counter was telling her about when she thought she spotted a familiar blonde head.

“Mommy?” Dawn mumbled and started after the woman.


“Dawnie, do you want to go to the toy department and show me what you want Santa to bring you this year?” Buffy had just purchased a small vial of Willow’s favorite perfume which she knew Oz loved as well.

“Dawnie? Dawn?” Buffy started feeling the all too familiar panic building. Her sister had taken to wandering off lately and today of all days… When she found that little brat, she’s making sure Dawn knew Santa was watching.

Sighing, Buffy made her way toward the toy department calling out for her sister every couple of minutes. When she hadn’t found her ten minutes later after having scoured every corner of the toy department, Buffy was truly in a state of panic.

She grabbed the nearest sales clerk and asked if he’d seen a little brown haired girl around.

“Nah, do you know how many kids are around this place miss? I couldn’t tell ya anything.”

Cursing the stupid sales clerk and his snobby attitude, she continued her frantic search through the store. She’d asked the clerk to page Dawn, but if she’d wandered into the rest of the mall, Buffy wouldn’t know what to do.


Dawn had followed the woman out of the store and into the food court. She had been so convinced it was her mommy, but when the lady had turned around after she tugged insistently at her hand, a strange lady faced her. Dawn almost cried when it turned out to be a stranger. Looking around she realized that she had no idea where she was, there were so many people running around not paying any attention to a lost little girl.

She knew Buffy would be furious at her when she found her. But Dawn didn’t know what to do. The ranger that had come to class before Christmas break had told them all what to do if you were ever lost in the woods, but try as she might, Dawn was too scared to remember what the nice man had said. Dawn felt tears start to fall down her cheeks, she was frustrated and scared, and buried her face in her hands, desperately wishing Buffy was here.

“What’s wrong nibblet? Are you lost sweetheart?” a deep voice asked her. Dawn raised her blue eyes to find the source of the voice.

“Who are you?” she asked the strange blonde man kneeling in front of her.

“My name’s William. But people call me Spike. What’s your name?” He smiled at her, blue eyes gentle and caring.

“’m not supposed to talk to strangers,” Dawn knew she shouldn’t but the man seemed to be so nice.

“I know. And that’s very good, you shouldn’t talk to strangers, but I’m here to help you see?” The man pointed to his shirt which read Security in bold yellow letters.

Dawn smiled, “You talk funny!”

“I don’t talk funny bit, you’re the one who talks funny,” Spike was warming quickly to the free spirited little lost girl in front of him. “But I need to know your name so I can make sure your mum finds ya.”

Dawn’s face fell at the comment, “My mum’s not here. Buffy ‘n I was shopping for presents for her though. She’s my sister.”

“Buffy? That’s your sister’s name? Huh. Can’t say I’ve heard that one before,” Spike straightened and extended a hand toward the little girl. “Come with me now bit, we’ll go to my office and I’ll call your sister so she can come find you.”

“Ok. My name is Dawn, and I’m not a bit! I’m a girl!” she smiled up at Spike as they started making their way through the crowds of people toward the mall security office.

“Well then Dawn, tell me, what are you asking Santa for Christmas this year?” Spike found the girl charming and wondered who her sister with the strange name was.


“Paging Buffy Summers to the security desk! Buffy Summers to the security desk!” The message blared over the loud speakers just as Buffy collapsed on one of the many benches lining the interior of the shopping center.

“Oh thank God!” Buffy grabbed her belongings off the bench and raced toward the corner where the office was located.

“Buffy, Buffy Summers. You paged me. Have you found my sister?” Buffy rushed out, gasping for breath, to the man fronting the security desk.

“Yes ma’m. She’s in there with Mr. Giles. Quite a spirited little thing she is. Demanded we get her ice cream so she wouldn’t cry,” the older gentleman replied.

“Oh no, she didn’t!” Buffy was horrified that her sister would ask such a thing. But it was so like her, and she couldn’t be mad at her when she was so relieved to finally find her again. “I’m so sorry sir, I’ll make sure to have a chat with her about her manners when we get home. Where can I get her from?”

“Right in that door over there,” the man pointed toward a closed door behind him. “Go on through.”

When Buffy reached the door, she heard Dawn’s loud giggles and couldn’t help but smile. She hadn’t heard her laugh like that in a long time. Knocking softly on the door, she opened it to see her sister’s beaming smile.

“Buffy!” Dawn launched herself into her
sister’s arms. “I’m sorry I thought I saw mommy an’ I followed her but it wasn’t her an’ then I didn’t know where I was anymore an’ I was scared an’ crying an’ I couldn’t remember what the ranger told me at school about gettin’ lost an’ if I had you would have found me!” Dawn nearly strangled Buffy with the fierceness of her hug, hot tears smearing against her throat.

“It’s ok Dawnie,” Buffy cooed reassuringly stroking her sister’s hair. “Just don’t wander away and scare me like that again. You know better than that.”

Dawn didn’t reply, she just buried her head in Buffy’s neck. At the sound of a man clearing his throat, Buffy found herself looking up into a set of the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

“So you must be Buffy then,” Spike extended his hand to the beautiful young woman before him. “Name’s Spike.”

“B-Buffy,” she replied taking his hand, before straightening and holding Dawn in her arms. Finding her voice again she said, “Thank you for finding my sister. And I’m sorry, I heard about her demands for ice cream, she should know better.”

A muffled giggle came from Buffy’s shoulder causing a smile to spread across Spike’s face. Buffy didn’t think she’d ever seen such a handsome man. Aside from the most stunning pair of eyes, he had a set of razor sharp cheekbones, shocking blonde hair and a scarred eyebrow which gave him that bad-boy edge. But seeing him smile was something else, his eyes lit up and it softened his modelesque features.

“’s no problem. My job really, and I still owe your sister that ice cream for being so brave,” he hadn’t really planned on following through with the promise of ice cream, but that all changed when the petite blonde had burst in through the door. She looked like the typical Californian girl, salon-blonde but sun-kissed hair, golden tan, and had the type of physique you knew she had to work hard to achieve. But her green eyes were so expressive it had stopped him in his tracks, all other manner of thought or speech rendered useless.

“Oh no, I couldn’t ask you to do that. It would impose too much on you and I’m sure you’re very busy,” Buffy didn’t know why she was being so insistent on this, she should be happy to oblige.

“’m about to finish anyway. Just let me get out o’ this polyester ‘n I’ll take the two of you with me. Ok?” He was determined not to take no for an answer. When all Buffy did was smile softly at him, he hastened out the door.


Buffy took the opportunity to speak to Dawn in private.

“You demanded ice cream? You little sneak,” she couldn’t help not being ‘angry mom’ Buffy after such a scare.

“Yeah, and I get it too!” Dawn smiled
triumphantly. “Buffy, I really thought it was mommy,” she continued in a small voice, her little pixie features closing off with grief.

“I’m sure you did sweetie, but you know she’s not here,” Buffy’s heart broke at her sister’s admission. This Christmas was going to be hard; she couldn’t blame Dawn for seeing their mom around every corner. She did too sometimes. Dawn crawled onto Buffy’s lap and started playing with a lock of her hair; she hadn’t done this for a couple of years, but had started again recently. It must be comforting.

Buffy wondered about the man that had found her sister. Suddenly a thought struck her.

“Dawnie, you know you’re not supposed to talk to strangers don’t you?” She honestly didn’t know if this was an appropriate situation to bring it up, and considering she did talk to a sort-of police officer, Dawn had done the right thing.

“I know. I told him I wasn’t allowed to talk to strangers. But then he told me it was his job to help me find you. He showed me his badge an’ everything,” Dawn replied.

“Well that’s good sweetheart, that’s what you’re supposed to do. Just be careful, and don’t ever, EVER, wander away again,” Buffy used her best impression of Willow’s resolve-face on her sister.

“m’kay,” Dawn laid her head back on Buffy’s shoulder to wait for Spike and the promised ice cream goodness.


Spike hastened toward the employee locker room to change out of his hated polyester uniform. Mall security was certainly a far cry from anything he wanted to with his life, but seeing as it paid well, especially over Christmas, it was an easy opportunity to make some quick dosh. And saving a lady in distress was just an added bonus. As he unbuttoned his shirt and hung it onto the hook in his locker, he thought about the past hour.

First, an adorable little girl, an unspeakably sad little girl, manages to get under his armor in a matter of seconds when she stood lost and crying in the middle of a bustling food court. He was amazed that no one even took the slightest notice of her, but he supposed Christmas lacked for good intentions these days. He couldn’t forget the bright blue eyes swimming with tears when she first looked up at him.

And let’s not forget about the sister. A vision of beauty she was. But there seemed to be something off about her. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Like she was bearing all the sadness of the world on her slender shoulders.

With a quick look around the corner, he stripped off his pants and slipped into his usual black jeans. After slipping on socks and tying up his beloved docks, he grabbed his leather duster and scoured the top shelf for the usual contents of its pockets. Satisfied he had everything, Spike locked up and headed back to the interview room where Buffy and Dawn were waiting for him. The thought put a smile on his face.

When Spike came through the door to pick up his two damsels he found them engrossed in singing, and dancing, to “Frosty the Snowman” which was playing over the mall sound system. Dawn was giggling while Buffy making a show of wiggling around in Frosty’s place.

When Spike’s low laugh rumbled through the room, Buffy’s face took on a distinctive pink sheen.

“Very good luv, ‘m glad to see you keepin’ with the spirit of the season,” he thought she was being bloody adorable.

“Yeah, well Dawn needed cheering up after such a-a traumatic experience!” Buffy said recovering from her embarrassment. Spike looked every inch the bad boy when he entered; dressed in black, save the seasonal red silk shirt he wore, though Buffy was sure it had nothing to do with Christmas.

“No I didn’t! You like dancing to Frosty! You can’t lie or you’ll get something bad from Santa!” Dawn’s comment made Buffy’s flush an even deeper red.

“Tha’s right nibblet. If your sister’s not careful she’ll get herself a lump of coal,” Spike’s eyes twinkled with mischief at Buffy before turning to Dawn. “What say you we get you some ice cream? Sunnyhell’s the only place where it’s hot ‘nough to have ice cream at Christmas.”

“Sunnyhell? Apt description I’m sure, but try to watch your language please,” Buffy scolded him with the same twinkle of mischief he’d turned on her earlier.

“Right, sorry,” Spike made a mental note to watch his tongue in the future. Turning his attention back to Dawn he asked, “So where does the little princess fancy getting ice cream from?”

“Baskin Robbins!” Dawn’s excited screech had the two other occupants covering their ears.

“Got a set o’ lungs on her doesn’t she?” Spike smiled at Buffy and led the two out of the security office.

~*~

If at all possible, the throng of Christmas shoppers had grown in the time they had spent in the security office and it wasn’t long before the crush of people made Buffy scared to loose Dawn for a second time that day. Before she could stop to pick up her little sister, Spike leaned over to her and asked if it would be alright for him to.

“I think you’d better ask her,” she replied smiling at his thoughtfulness. Dawn, of course, simply smiled and said that it was about time, she was getting stepped on.

“Dawn!” Buffy exclaimed horrified.

“Well I was. ‘Sides I see better up here,” she turned her gap toothed smile to Spike and added in a syrupy sweet tone, “Thank you.”

“Startin’ with the eyes and sweet smiles already are ya? You’re gonna be a handful for your da when you grow up.” Buffy started at the comment but left it alone, no need in bringing down the happy atmosphere.

~*~

Once at the ice cream shop Dawn had insisted she get two scoops, with sprinkles and chocolate syrup. When Buffy tried to talk her out of it, trying the ‘you’ll spoil your dinner routine’ that moms were always so successful at, all she got was a glare.

“Your dinners aren’t as good as mommy’s anyways. And I’m tired of pizza!” Dawn had exclaimed. At Spike’s raised questioning eyebrow, Buffy had again opted to not make a scene and allowed her sister to get what she wanted.

“So what’ll you be havin’ luv? Fancy a sugar high yourself?” Spike asked her with a smirk.

Smiling Buffy replied, “No, I think I’ll just settle for a mint chocolate chip in a cup please.” She smiled at the young boy manning the counter.

“Right, well I’ll have two scoops of the Ribbons then,” winking at Dawn he continued, “but none o’ that other junk the little one put on ‘ers.”

Spike insisted on paying, and money being tight enough as it was, Buffy didn’t have it in her to do more than weakly object. They settled down at one of the many sticky booths and Dawn immediately dug into her sugar filled snack.

“She’ll be bouncing off the walls as soon as we get home,” Buffy smiled at Spike. “Thanks for this, you really didn’t need to. Dawn just likes to make a fuss when she can.”

“’s not a problem. Don’t fancy bravin’ the crowds here yet.” Spike watched as Buffy took a large pink spoonful of her ice cream. He was so fixated on watching her lips as she ate that he missed Dawn’s question.

“Sorry bit, whadya say?”

“I asked you why your hair’s so bright.” Dawn looked up at him with her patented wide-eyed innocence, chocolate already smeared around her lips.

“My hair? ‘S not so bright is it?” He ran a hair over his gelled locks in an unconscious display of self-consciousness.

“Yeah it is!” She exclaimed giggling. Buffy couldn’t help but smile for what seemed the hundredth time that afternoon.

“Well, I like it this way,” Spike shot a look at Buffy who was currently trying to stifle her own giggles.

“Oh I do too. It’s just bright. What are you doing for Christmas?” Dawn forged on with her question and answer session with her savior.

“Well that’s good nibblet,” he continued, “I’m probly just gonna spend it with my da.”

“Oh,” Dawn visibly quieted at that and Spike shot a worried glance at Buffy who had also sobered at the comment. “What are you two doing for Christmas? ‘Sides terrorizing your folks?”

Dawn’s tears was the last thing he expected at the question he posed, but sure enough he saw an echo of the ones swimming in her eyes earlier that day. Dawn looked up to Buffy who was sitting beside her, and she opened her arms in invitation, allowing Dawn to crawl onto her lap once more.

“Spike, I really don’t mean to make you uncomfortable when I tell you this, but our parents have both passed away. Dad died in a car accident a couple of years ago, and mom had an aneurism after an operation to remove a brain tumor just after Thanksgiving.” The pain was still raw after loosing her mother, so Buffy had to look down at her sister in order to hide her own glassy eyes.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Buffy. I had no idea. I’m a right git,” Spike was horrified at the thought of these two girls having lost so much, in such a short time, and right before the biggest family holiday of the year no less.

“It’s ok. You didn’t know,” Buffy glanced up and saw only deep compassion in his gaze rather than the pity she was so accustomed to. “But we’re still going to have a special Christmas aren’t we Dawnie. Just like mom planned for us.”

Dawn peeked out from her burrow on Buffy’s shoulder, and watched Spike from across the table. She didn’t say anything, just sat there watching him.

“Know what it’s like luv, I lost my own mum a few years ago,” Spike knew what the girls were in for. Christmas had never been the same at the Giles’ after Anne had passed away. He smiled at Dawn who still sat watching him with wide eyes, “I don’t want to intrude on any of your plans, so feel free to say no, but if you like you two can come by my place one day if you want some company. ‘m sure da would love it as much as I. He’s become a bit of a hermit since mum died.”

“Really?” Dawn glanced up at Buffy, “can we?”

“I don’t know, we really don’t want to impose, and we’re spending Christmas Eve with my friends.” Buffy was flattered by the offer, but Spike was essentially still a stranger to them.

“Sure you can. Always welcome,” seeing Buffy’s hesitation and guessing where it stemmed from he added, “I know you don’t know me that well, and you’ve never met me da, but I know what it’s like. All the pity calls before people go home to their own happy families. Just if you need a break and an ear to bend, I understand, tha’s all.” He ducked his head to hide his embarrassment.

“Yeah, it is a bit much,” Buffy acknowledged. To lighten the mood she teased, “So the Billy Idol-look, is it to get all the girls? Or are you just a hard core fan?”

Spike laughed, that glorious low rumble, “nah, jus’ like is that’s all.”

Dawn started fussing to get off Buffy’s lap, so she allowed her to slip down beside her again to finish off her rapidly melting treat. The conversation took on a pleasant tone after the initial awkwardness faded, and Buffy found she was truly enjoying his company. She hadn’t felt her age for more than a year, her mother’s illness having taken a lot out of her and given her adult responsibilities. Spike was attentive to Dawn’s scattered questions, after she also had taken her time to warm up after the revelation. By the time their ice creams were finished Dawn had slipped under the table to sit beside Spike and was currently explaining what she had learned at Kindergarten before school break.

“So we had a Ranger come in an’ he told us what to do in the woods an’ he even brought a baby bird to show us!” Dawn was animated and smiling as she told her story, “He told us that you couldn’t feed him worms cuz his mom would chew them up firs’ and if you don’ chew them firs’ the baby bird may not eat them, an’ I’m not gonna chew on worms!” She screwed up her nose at the thought.

“Why not? Have you ever eaten a worm before? Might be tasty,” Spike winked at Buffy when Dawn’s adamant “ewww gross!” rang through the shop.

“Alright Dawnie, that’s enough worm talk for one day. And didn’t he teach you what to do when you get lost in the woods? You couldn’t remember that?” Buffy asked her little sister.

“Yah, he did. Stay in one spot. Someone will find you,” Dawn rattled off, having remembered the instructions while retelling her story.

“Well’s good you remember now innit?” Spike winked at Dawn, “but try not to run off on your sis again.”

Buffy’s jaw nearly dropped when Dawn mumbled an ok. Dawn had never been one to listen; sometimes Buffy swore she’d started talking just to talk back. But here she was quietly and, dare she say, humbly agreeing with Spike. Not one to pass up an opportunity, Buffy thought it may be time to finish up at the mall and head home.

“Well we should finish our shopping so we can head home before all the things that go bump come out to harass us,” Buffy smiled and made her way out of the booth. Gathering up her things, she shot a pointed glance at Dawn when it looked like she was getting ready to object. On impulse, she grabbed a pen out of her purse, and jotted down her phone number on a clean napkin and passed it to Spike.

“For you, if you know, you want to stop by an um say hi or something.”
Blushing, she made a fuss over helping Dawn out of the booth to hide her embarrassment.

“Sure thing beautiful,” Spike slipped the napkin into the breast pocket of his shirt. “You won’t have to wait long,” he continued, flashing her one of the smiles he knew had girls weak at the knees.

“I’ll hold you to that. And thanks. For all of this,” Buffy couldn’t control the rapid beating of her heart at the sight of those lips arranged in such a drool-worthy smile. “It was very nice of you.”

“Not a problem pet. If you need me, you know where to find me.”

Chapter 3

Buffy let out a sigh of relief when the last gift was purchased and she could finally head back home. Dawn had been chattering on excitedly the whole time about her new friend Spike and how excited she was about having him over. Buffy was happy that Dawn seemed to finally be excited about something since their mom, but she prayed that it wasn’t misplaced. Spike better get in touch with them or Dawn would be crushed.

“Can you stop squirming around please,” Buffy was in the midst of buckling Dawn into the backseat of the Jeep.

“No, I can do this myself!” Dawn grabbed the belt and clipped it firmly into place. “See I CAN do it!”

“Yes, I know you can, but I think you’ve had too much sugar today,” Buffy laughed at Dawn’s stubborn head shake.


~*~*~


Dawn had burst in through the front door when they arrived home on Revello Drive. She was babbling about wrapping Janice’s gift all by herself. Buffy knew that wouldn’t happen, not unless she was willing to sacrifice the whole roll of gift wrapping paper. But she could give it a shot.

“Alright Dawnie,” Buffy cut off her tirade about what colour she should be using and how many layers of wrapping paper she should use, “Let’s put away these groceries and then you and I will both sit down and wrap our presents. I’ll help you start, then you can do all the fun ribbons, ok?”

“Ok,” Dawn nodded and skipped into the kitchen, with Buffy following behind with grocery and shopping bags.


~*~*~


After having put away the food, Dawn and Buffy settled down at the dining room table with scissors, gift wrap, tape, and a heap of ribbons and bows. Dawn was currently staring longingly at the Barbie doll they had purchased for Janice, which caused Buffy to smirk, knowing she was picking up the same gift for Dawn the following afternoon.

“Dawnie, let me measure out the size of paper you need and cut it for you then we can start wrapping the doll,” Buffy reached across the table for the box and paper. Dawn sat on her chair swinging her legs and still watching the doll longingly.

“How does Santa know what to bring me?” Dawn watched Buffy carefully cutting the large piece of paper.

“Magic,” Buffy wiggled her fingers in front of her sister’s face.

“Magic? I don’t believe you,” Dawn giggled. “Maybe mommy tells him.”

“I’m sure she does sweetheart,” Buffy smiled, enjoying her sister’s innocence, who knew how long that would last. “Here, Dawnie. I’ve taped one end down now all you have to do is pull the paper around, tape it, and then do the ends.”

Dawn nodded and got to work. She was surprisingly dexterous for a five year old. Buffy busied herself wrapping the gifts she’d gotten for Willow and Xander while keeping an eye on Dawn’s progress. Her thoughts started drifting back to the previous Christmas when her mother had tried so hard to keep things normal for her girls after their father had passed away. It had been terrible. Buffy and her mom had cried on the floor by the tree half the night, eating the cookies Dawn had left out for Santa. But the morning after had been wonderful, Dawn’s simple joy at Christmas morning had reminded the two elder Summers women about childish pleasures and how simple life could be. How would this year be?

Dawn finished up her present, surprisingly well done for such a young girl and asked Buffy if she could watch TV while she made dinner.

“Sure you can,” Buffy smiled at her sister, “I’m sure there are some good Christmas shows on TV tonight.”

“Thanks!” Dawn headed off toward the TV room while Buffy set about cleaning up her mess.


~*~*~


The year her father died had changed everything for Buffy. One year shy of graduating high school and finally moving away from Sunnydale, she had been on top of the world. She was in line for junior prom queen, was dating the star quarterback Angel O’Connell who was senior, and she was on track to follow him to Brown the following year.

Then, within a month, she had lost her father, her superstar boyfriend told her he couldn’t date a head-case anymore, and she slipped into depression. It had been like being stuck in quicksand, slowly sucking her into a black void. When her mom’s headaches got steadily worse, she had to pick up the slack at the gallery and take care of Dawn, all while trying to navigate her seemingly empty life. Willow and Xander had been a blessing.

When all her ‘popular’ friends dropped her like last years fashion Willow and Xander had welcomed her with open arms. They had listened to her problems and been there every hospital visit. Willow had tutored her through the subjects she was nearly failing and finally gotten her GPA back on track. She still checked every paper before it needed to be handed in, to make sure she was still keeping up. Willow was her best friend.


~*~*~


Buffy had just finished preparing some macaroni and cheese for herself and Dawn when the little rascal herself came bouncing into the kitchen.

“Buffy, can I ask you something?” Dawn dutifully took her plate from Buffy and followed her into the TV room. They had made a habit of eating in front of the TV since their mother had gotten ill.

“Sure, what is it?” Buffy had the feeling that this was going to be an interesting one.

“You know how we still have the turkey from when before mommy had to go to the hospital. We were gonna make it real nice after she came home,” Dawn seated herself on the floor in front of the coffee table, eyes glued to the screen. Buffy knew something was up if she didn’t look her in the eyes.

“Yes Dawnie, we were going to have a special Thanksgiving after she came home from the hospital,” Buffy prompted.

“Yeah, an’ we still have it right?” She asked mouth full of macaroni.

“Yes we do, it’s in the freezer.”

“We have turkey at Christmas too don’t we?”

“Yes… Dawn, what is it you want to ask? You want me to make you turkey on Christmas.”

“Yes, but I want Spike to be here to eat it. And his daddy. Because they don’t have a mommy either,” Dawn kept her eyes stubbornly on the television.

“Oh Dawnie, I don’t know. I-I’m not very good with turkey,” Buffy stammered, alarmed by the thought, “and we don’t know if Spike can come.”

“We can call him,” Dawn turned her bright eyes on Buffy, “An’ I can help with the turkey!”

“I don’t have his number,” Buffy wasn’t sure how she felt about Dawn’s request. Sure, she liked Spike, he was hotness personified, but she still wasn’t sure she could even trust him to call.

“But he works at the mall, an’ tomorrow you’re shopping for my presents when I’m at Janice’s house so you can talk to him then,” Dawn commented. Buffy’s jaw fell open at her sister’s astute comment.

“I-I umm… No, no I’m not. What gave you that idea Dawn?” Dawn chose to respond by rolling her eyes.

“I’m not stupid,” she pouted. “’cuz I know you haven’t bought them yet cuz I haven’t found them in your hiding spot.”

Buffy had to laugh at that. Her sister was always uncannily insightful, and she was sure that she had been snooping around all corners of the house to see if she could find any presents.

“I found the ones mommy left for us,” Dawn said.

“What? Mom bought us presents? When she was sick?” Buffy was shocked.

“Yeah, they’re in her closet in a box,” Dawn continued to pick on the macaroni. “I found them last week when I was hiding from the monster under my bed.”

“The monster under your bed? What are you talking about?” Buffy hadn’t heard any of this from Dawn before, but it could explain why she was so tiered lately.

“I went to hide in mommy’s closet, because it still smells like her, an’ I found this big box with wrapped presents with our names on them,” Dawn seemed to want to let the matter of the monster drop, but did explain how she found the box.

“Oh Dawnie,” Buffy turned her around to face her, peering into her eyes, “why don’t you come to me when the monster is scaring you?”

“I don’t want to wake you an’ sometimes you’re crying an’ I know you don’t want me to know you’re crying so I go hide with mommy,” Dawn’s eyes filled with tears causing Buffy to immediately pull Dawn into her embrace.

“Sweetheart,” Buffy struggled to keep her own tears in check, “you should always come to me, always. I don’t care if I’m asleep or if I’m crying. I’m just missing mommy as much as you do so I’m a little sad sometimes, but I will always take care of any mean monsters under your bed.”

Dawn nodded against her sister’s chest, reveling in the embrace. They sat hugging in front of the television for a long time, moving onto the couch when their legs got stiff. Buffy was absentmindedly stroking Dawn’s silky hair, watching, but not seeing Rudolf sing when her sister spoke up again.

“But it’s good I found the presents right?”

Laughing Buffy replied, “It sure was. I’ll put them under the tree tomorrow, along with the ones I’m buying for you. How ‘bout we get in our jammies and brush our teeth and I’ll make us some coco with marshmallows, then we’ll both crawl into my bed and watch whatever movie you want. Sound good?”

“I can stay in your room tonight?” Dawn looked imploringly at her sister.

“Of course you can, you can even hug Mr. Gordo,” Buffy smiled at her as she immediately made for the stairs and her bedtime preparations.

After gathering the dishes and making sure everything was locked and all the lights were off, Buffy made the promised coco and headed up to join her sister. They snuggled down under the covers, enjoying the coco and watching TV.

Lying in bed a while later, Dawn snoring softly beside her, Buffy thought about everything that had happened in one short day. She’d lost her sister, met an amazing guy (who she still hoped would call her soon), found out her mother had left a parting gift, and realized her little sister was growing up but still afraid of monsters all in one short day. She wondered what tomorrow would bring.

She had just decided that nine o’clock was early enough for her to go to sleep as the phone rang shrilly beside her.

“Hello?”

A/N – Sorry for the sorta-cliffhanger. I promise to update soon though! And thanks for all of the wonderful reviews, certainly keeping my muse going full-time. Hope you liked it and please review!

Chapter 4: Admissions and Invitations…



Spike’s head was filled with the two Summers girls for the rest of the afternoon. He finished up his own Christmas shopping in under an hour, a good bottle of scotch for Rupert and a CD that Gunn had been going on about for ages. He flirted with the ladies at the gift wrap counter while they did an overly-complicated and frilly job. He still tipped them generously before winking and heading back home.

Parking his beloved Desoto in the garage, Spike headed into his dad’s apartment. He’d been living with his ex-girl Drusilla up until he found her in bed with one of their friends. They’d had a flat in London, great deal because Dru knew the guy who owned the building, now Spike wondered if there hadn’t been more to their cheap rent than just a friendly gesture. He’d put up with her for another six months after the incident, but found that Dru was far from remorseful. When he’d found her in their bed with two random guys she’d picked up at the pub, he packed his bags and left.

His father Rupert Giles was getting tiered of trying to live the same old life as before Anne’s death and hoped to get a fresh start in a new place. He’d offered Spike the chance to come with him and he had jumped at the opportunity. So that’s how life found him a year later, still living with his father in a two-bedroom apartment in Sunnydale. One day he’d put his Oxford English degree to use and start a ‘real’ adult life, but he was content with where he was for the time being.


~*~*~


“Hey Rupes,” Spike greeted his father, who was sitting in his usual position, reading intently under the glow of an old lamp.

“I do wish you would stop calling me that William,” Giles chided him.

“Just as soon as you call me Spike Da,” Spike smirked at his father and headed into the kitchen to grab something to quick to eat. With a freshly made sandwich in one hand, he headed back into the small living room of the apartment and settled in front of the television.

“Good day at work then son?” Giles had looked up from the volume he was studying and seen the small smile playing on his son’s lips. It had been a long while since he had seen his son appear happy.

“Yeah, it was,” Spike replied, mouth full. “Found a lil’ lost girl in the food court. Cute as a button she was.”

“Oh really? Did you manage to help her get back to her parents again?” Rupert found himself more interested in Spike’s story than his book. It had been a while since he’d shared anything with his father.

“Well thing is, she’s got no parents,” Spike wasn’t sure how to retell the events of the afternoon.

“An orphan? Good Lord. Well did someone come to fetch her?” he removed his glasses and busied himself rubbing away non-existent spots.

“Nah, she’s got a sister, Buffy. She came and picked her up, took ‘em out for ice cream to settle the bit down after work,” Spike kept his eyes glued to the TV.

“You took them out for ice cream? I’ll never get used to it being warm enough to indulge in ice cream over Christmas.”

“Yeah, tha’s what I told the bit. But after seein’ her eyes swimmin’ with tears, you’d be hard pressed not to do what she wants. You’d like her da, she’s a real spitfire.”

“Well I’m sure; she sounds like a real interesting child. What of her sister? Buffy seems a most unusual name.”

Spike laughed, “Yeah interesting don’ begin to describe her. Buffy she’s well, she’s coping as well as she can I s’ppose. Has the weight of the world on her shoulders, but she takes real good care of the little one.” Spike went on to tell Giles the details which Buffy had told him about herself: from the stresses of her mother’s illness, to trying to adapt for her first year at university.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but you haven’t explained what happened to their parents.”

“Their da passed away a couple o’ years ago, drunk driver. Their mum passed just last month from complications from brain surgery. She’d been operated for a tumor. Couldn’t believe the luck of ‘em,” Spike looked up at his father for the first time during the conversation and was shocked to see a look of saddened compassion light his features. He hadn’t seen such strong emotion since his mum died.

“Well that is truly terrible son, such a burden for such a young woman, and that poor child! I certainly hoped you offered assistance in any matter they may need,” Rupert felt his heart break for the girls William had encountered. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose both parents in such a short period of time. The girls intrigued him, and hoped that his son had extended a hand in hospitality and offered them a place to visit if they needed.

“’Course I did da, I’m not a complete git,” Spike rolled his eyes, “I told ‘em they could stop by any time if they wanted someone who understands.”

“Good, well feel free to invite them over any time, we could use a little distraction around here,” he said, returning to his book when it was apparent William had finished his retelling of his day’s events.


~*~*~


After watching a couple of hours of TV, enjoying a particularly scintillating episode of “Passions”, Spike wandered upstairs to his room. He wasn’t a fan of living with his father at twenty-five, but it was just temporary, he’d be out on his own in a flat when he got enough money together. He took out the napkin Buffy had written her number on and wondered if it would be too soon to call her.

He knew it was, but he wasn’t one for convention. He always went after what he really wanted, and now he wanted Buffy. His nimble fingers dialed the seven digits that she’d neatly printed for him.

“Hello?” Buffy’s hushed voice came over the line after ringing twice.

“Buffy?”

“Spike?” he could hear confusion in her voice.

“Yeah, it’s me pet. Just wanted to make sure the rest of your shopping was uneventful and that the bit’s ok after this afternoon.”

“Yeah, it went well. I got everything I needed and Dawn and I spent the night watching the Christmas shows on TV,” he heard her rustling around in the background.

“What’s goin’ on, did I catch you at a bad time?” Spike’s tones became worried and self-conscious.

“No, not at all,” more background shuffling, “Dawn and I watched TV in bed and she’s asleep. At least she’s still pretending to be.” A muffled giggle could be heard in the background, and a goofy grin spread across Spike’s features.

“Ok, so she’s not asleep anymore, are you Dawn?” Buffy’s tones were amused, not annoyed, which comforted him. “So you said you had some shopping to do too. Did you manage to find your way through the crowds?”

“Yeah, was alright. Jus’ a couple of people to shop for so I’ve got it pretty easy,” Spike replied. He could hear Dawn’s questioning tone on the other end, but couldn’t make out the words.

“Alright Dawn, hold on. Spike? Dawn wants to talk to you is that alright?”

“Sure is,” Spike replied, curious what the little one would want to speak to him about.

“Hello?” Dawn’s voice came over the line.

“Hiya bit, were you asleep?” Spike asked her.

“Yah, but that’s ok. I need to ask you a question anyways,” Spike murmured an ‘um-hmm’ and waited while he tried to make out what Buffy was telling her.

“No, I AM asking! Spike, do you want to come over for turkey?”

“Turkey? When are you eating turkey,” Spike had a feeling Buffy wasn’t exactly in on Dawn’s plan.

“On Christmas silly! You and your daddy should come over so Buffy has to cook the turkey that she and mommy got an’ were supposed to cook after Thanksgiving,” Spike could hear the hopeful tone in her voice, and was thrilled to get an opportunity to see the two of them again.

“Sure poppet, we’d love to. Does your sister know you’re askin me this?”

“Yeah, we talked about it before, but she says she can’t cook the turkey, but I said that I would help her, and now that you told me you can come you have to,” Dawn’s tirade was punctuated by Buffy’s horrified gasp when she mentioned her lack of cooking skills.

“I’m sure you can help her, and maybe me an’ me da can too if we come over a little earlier, how’s that sound?” Spike couldn’t resist rescuing his damsel a second time. “But maybe I should decide on the details with your big sis?”

“Yeah, ok, here she is,” Dawn’s voice faded away as she passed the receiver back to her sister.

“I’m sorry to spring that on you Spike. Dawn only mentioned it earlier, and I had thought to suggest the idea in a better fashion,” he could tell she was worried, but couldn’t understand why she would be.

“’S not a problem pet. We’d be happy to come by, can even swing round early and help you with the cookin’. Da’s as good of a cook as they come for a bloke, he may enjoy cookin’ his first proper Christmas turkey,” Spike assured her.

“Oh, well that would be good. I admit cooking and Buffy are very un-mixy. I should have paid more attention to mom before…” she let the sentence trail off, sounding as if she was holding back tears.

“No worries, we’ll be there early then. Say two-ish? You can thaw an’ put the bird in the oven yourself? We can come over, keep the bit entertained, and help you with all the trimmings?” Spike hoped that the eagerness he felt wasn’t fully evident in his voice it may scare her off.

“Sure,” he heard her let out a breath, “Sounds wonderful. I’m looking forward to it.”

After Buffy gave him her address and he said goodnight to a half-asleep Dawn, they spoke about little things for a few minutes. Buffy told him what she’d gotten for her friends, and that she was planning on getting Dawn’s presents tomorrow. When Spike expressed his shock over saying it when Dawn could hear, she’d laughed and related the story from earlier that evening. He loved to hear her laugh and tried to coax a few more giggles from her before he bid her a good night’s sleep and sweet dreams. At her hushed goodnight, he replaced his receiver and settled back on his pillows with a wide smile on his face.

He was going to spend Christmas Day eating turkey with his girls. It was the best gift he’d ever received.

Chapter 5: Christmas Eve


By the time Christmas Eve arrived, Buffy was a frenzy of holiday cheer and sheer panic. She fussed over every detail in the house knowing that not only were her two best friends arriving any minute, the house had to be perfect for the following day when she hosted Spike and his father. She had at least remembered to take the turkey out of the freezer and it had been defrosting in the fridge for the last two days just to make sure that it would be thoroughly thawed and ready for the next day. She’d been extra studious and looked up the instructions on the internet to see just how long the bird would have to be in the oven and had decided that she would allow for about four hours.

Happy with her turkey preparation skills, Buffy had busied herself organizing and cleaning the house. The presents had been placed around the tree, all except the special ‘Santa’ gifts that would be in their stockings as if by magic. She had placed the gifts her mom had painstakingly gotten for her girls before her illness took her. Buffy was quite curious about what she’d gotten, but also saddened by the thought that it would be the last gift she’d ever get to open from her mother. There were three boxes each in all, and she was no closer to figuring out when Joyce had had the time to purchase them. Maybe she had known all along…

“Way to go Buffy for the cryptic thoughts on Christmas,” she muttered to no one in particular.


~*~*~*~*~


Buffy was just finishing up in the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

“Merry Christmas Buffster!” Xander burst in through the door and pulled Buffy into a hug.

“Merry Christmas Xan,” Buffy smiled at her friend, and then turned to Willow, “Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah to you Willow!”

“Merry Christmas Buffy,” Willow took her turn to hug her friend. “Where’s Dawnie?”

“Oh she’s upstairs finishing up your present,” Buffy laughed softly, “She’s been working on it all day. And she’s made you something too Xander.”

“Well that’s sweet,” Willow said as they made their way in to the living room.

“So how’s it hangin’ Buf? You’ve got everything full of holiday cheer and ready for our Christmas-eve-a-poolooza? Everything in control for Santa’s visit tomorrow morning?” Xander looked at his friend with concern.

“Yeah, I’m in control-Buffy. Everything’s all set for tomorrow,” Buffy hadn’t told her friends about Spike or that she was having him over for Christmas dinner, but would do it tonight.

“Well that’s good. Wouldn’t want Dawn to miss out on all those presents!” Xander’s mind, as always, on the most childish aspects.

“So are you two going to spend tomorrow alone or do you want to come over for dinner at my place? It’s not turkey, cuz hey, Jewish, but there’s food and you won’t have to be by yourself. Mom asked about you this morning,” Willow looked at Buffy who had started to fidget.

“Umm, well you see we’re not going to be by ourselves. I’m um having a couple of friends over tomorrow, Dawn insisted I invite them and cook turkey. So I’m gonna be Buffy the Turkey Baster tomorrow,” Buffy refused to meet Willow’s questioning gaze.

“You’re not having anyone from the bitch squad or Queen C’s court over are you? You know they’re just using you to look good,” Xander sounded angry at the mere thought.

“No, not anyone from high school,” Buffy replied, “I doubt they’ve even heard what’s happened. Cordy’s in LA anyways last I heard.”

“Then who’s coming over Buffy?” Willow put on her best puppy eyes, hoping they would work as well on Buffy as they did on Oz.

“Well, funny story actually, um,” before Buffy could start, Dawn came bouncing down the stairs.

“Hi!” she threw herself into Willow’s arms, nearly crushing the presents she’d made for Buffy’s friends. “Merry Christmas! Santa’s almost here.” Dawn drew herself away from Willow only to be hoisted into the air by Xander.

“Merry Christmas Dawnie,” Willow and Xander echoed together.

“Can I give them their presents now Buffy?” Dawn turned her questioning gaze on her sister, who was relieved at the interruption.

“Sure you can, I’ll go grab the coco from the kitchen,” Buffy made her way into the kitchen and gathered mugs and Christmas cookies. She heard Dawn’s voice talking excitedly in the next room as she sat with Willow and Xander. Having gathered everything she needed, Buffy walked back into the living room.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me Buffy!” Willow exclaimed as Buffy put the tray down.

“You mean us Wills, she didn’t tell me either,” Xander added looking jealous.

“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked eyes on Dawn who was smiling innocently from her perch on the sofa.

“The mysterious stranger? Knight in shining armor? The one who found Dawn and you’ve invited over for dinner tomorrow? Ring any bells?” She didn’t understand why Xander sounded so annoyed.

“Oh, Dawn told you then,” Buffy replied.

“Buffy, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, I mean, you lost Dawn, and then you meet some guy who found her in the food court? And you’ve been talking to him everyday on the phone? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I’m supposed to be your best friend,” Willow sounded hurt.

“Dawn! I can’t believe you told them about that,” Buffy turned back to Willow. “I know I should have told you, I just… I don’t know. I didn’t know how to bring it up I suppose. And Dawn is the one responsible for them coming over tomorrow.”

“Them? There’s more than one?” Xander exclaimed.

“Yeah, Spike and his dad are both coming over tomorrow,” Buffy didn’t like his reaction to the whole situation.

“Spike? The guy’s name is Spike? What kind of guy is this Buffy? I mean what do you even know about him? Have you even thought about the fact that you’re inviting strange men into your home?” Xander was outraged at the whole situation. He would have been fine with it if they weren’t coming over on Christmas. At least he thought he would have been ok.

“His name is William, and he’s really nice!” Dawn piped up from the sofa, looking more than a little annoyed at Xander’s outburst. “He rescued me when I was lost AND he bought me ice cream when I was sad. Buffy too!”

“It’s alright Dawn, Xander is just surprised. He doesn’t think that Spike is a bad guy,” Willow shot Xander a meaningful look and continued, “He can’t say anything bad about him because he hasn’t met him yet.”

“Yeah, I haven’t met him yet,” Xander mumbled mouth full of cookie, “but I’m still cautious about this guy.”

“Don’t be,” Buffy said and looking over at Willow she added, “I promise I’ll fill you in on all the details, just not tonight ok? Tonight is for us, and us alone.”

“Sure Buffy,” resolve face on Willow said, “But you will be telling me all about it afterwards.” Laughing Buffy nodded and busied herself picking Xander and Willow’s presents from underneath the tree.


~*~*~


After the somewhat awkward conversation about Spike, which Willow had managed to finally force from Buffy, they had exchanged gifts and spent the next few hours watching all their favorite Christmas movies. Willow and Xander had pooled their money and bought Dawn a full set of pastels, crayons, paints, and paper to encourage her growing love of drawing. Xander had even made an easel for her to work with. Dawn had thrown herself into Xander’s arms, leaving Buffy and Willow gaping at their friend’s unknown talent for carpentry.

After the gift exchange, the group of four settled in on the sofa and watched Charlie Brown’s Christmas special. They laughed at Xander and Willow’s rendition of the Snoopy dance and had a wonderful and cozy time. By the time Buffy’s friends were out the door, Dawn had nodded off on the sofa.

Buffy scooped her sister up and deposited her on the bed next to Mr. Gordo. She slipped off Dawn’s shoes and socks, and pried her sweater off, singing softly when she started to stir. Dawn safe in Buffy’s bed, she headed back downstairs to quickly clean up, steal Santa’s cookies and drink his milk, and stuff their stockings with little goodies and gifts.

Buffy smiled at the spirited scene before her, the tree sparkled with lights, the stockings were hung, and presents were laid out under the tree. With a final look, Buffy headed upstairs and snuggled in under the covers next to her sister.

~*~*~*~

“Buffy! Buffy! BUFFY!” Dawn was bouncing on the bed, breaking into Buffy’s wonderful dream filled with shocking blonde hair and bottomless blue eyes.
“I’m awake, I’m awake,” Buffy mumbled at her sister. “So did Santa stop by last night after we fell asleep?”

“Yes, and he ate ALL the cookies!” Dawn giggled.

“Well let’s see what he got for you then,” Buffy jumped out of bed, making extra effort to be cheerful and energetic for her.

After having distributed the presents, the girls counted down and ripped into the wrapping paper. Dawn’s happy giggles warmed Buffy’s heart and she found herself smiling.

“Look what mommy got me,” Dawn held up a beautiful red dress with a matching hair band. “Can I wear it today?”

“Of course you can,” Buffy reached for the present mom had gotten her and found herself with her own Christmas dinner outfit, complete with a beautiful new pair of boots. While Dawn was busy looking through the Grimm fairytale book she’d gotten from their mom, Buffy tucked the last tiny gift box her mother had gotten her into the pocket of her bathrobe. She wasn’t quite ready to let go of her mother yet.

“Can we make mommy’s special pancakes for breakfast today?” Dawn looked at Buffy from her position amid a sea of wrapping paper.

“Sure Dawnie,” she reached out for her sisters hand and pulled her toward the kitchen.

Chapter 6: Help and Story Time…



Dawn was sitting on the floor next to the Christmas tree two hours later. She’d arranged her new toys and was systematically introducing herself to each of the stuffies and dolls, while acquainting with her new books and games.

“Dawn!” Buffy called from the kitchen where she had finally managed to stuff and tie the bird together just like in the picture from the recipe in her mom’s cookbook. She was covered in herbs and bits of unidentifiable food. “It’s time for your bath so that you’re ready for when Spike comes.”

“’Kay!” Dawn called from the living room.

“Do you want me to help you get ready sweetheart?” Buffy called.

“Yeah,” Buffy jumped when the reply came right behind her, “I want to wear the dress mommy got for me.” One of Dawn’s gifts had been a beautiful deep red dress with a note attached asking her to wear it for Christmas. Mom had wanted her little princess to look beautiful on such a magical day.

“Alright, princess. How about you run upstairs and get your shampoo ready and I’ll be up in a minute. And don’t forget to bring your dress with you and lay it out on the bed,” Buffy rinsed off her hands in the sink and dried them off before heading into the living room. Mom had gotten her a Christmas-themed outfit as well; a beautiful red silk top with a low-cut back which tied together at the nape of her neck, along with a black skirt which stopped right above her knee. She couldn’t wait for Spike to see it.

Buffy halted with the box in hand when she realized what she’d just considered. Why did she worry about what Spike liked? Sure, they’d spent every night on the phone since they met, but she really wasn’t ready for a relationship when she hadn’t even adjusted to her new role as older sister/single-mom/college student.

When she reached the upstairs bathroom, Dawn had lined up all her bath-toys on the edge of the tub, along with her bubble bath and shampoo.

“Ready!” she cried when Buffy entered.

Laughing, Buffy started filling the tub with water, mixing the bubble bath in with the stream from the faucet. Dawn watched the water filling in the tub and the bubbles started to form, randomly tossing in bath duckies and the little boat that mom had kept since Buffy was young.

“Alright, in you go you little monster,” Buffy made sure the water was the right temperature for the five year old then busied herself organizing her own shower supplies for after Dawn was finished. Dawn was splashing around in the water, making sure to splash some over the edge.

“Dunk your head under the water now missy, and stop splashing!” Dawn obliged and came up sputtering and rubbing her eyes. Buffy lathered up her long brown hair, softly singing along to the Christmas carols on the radio. After rinsing and waiting until she was nicely pruned, Buffy wrapped Dawn in a big towel. She rubbed her hair dry to the best of her ability and told her to go put on her robe and wait while Buffy had her own shower before helping her finish up.


~*~*~


Dawn was sitting on the toilet watching Buffy apply the last of her make-up when the doorbell rang. Jumping off the toilet, Dawn rushed down the stairs.

“Hi Spike!” Dawn opened the door wide, smiling up at him, before reaching her arms up for a hug. Spike chuckled and scooped her into his arms as she giggled and said, “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas to you too, nibblet,” with Dawn still perched in his arms he turned toward his father. “I want you to meet my da, this is Rupert Giles.”

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Giles,” Dawn smiled at the older man. “Are you coming in to help Buffy now?”

“Merry Christmas, Dawn,” Giles replied, “I’m certain your sister is not in such dire need of our help.”

“Dawn, why don’t you invite our guests in instead of just assaulting them on the doorstep,” Buffy had stopped at the top of the stairs and witnessed the sweet exchange between her sister and Spike before making her way down to join them.

Spike’s eyes landed on her for the first time and what he saw left him breathless. Buffy was stunning in a blood red top which skimmed her body, fitting loosely enough to just give a hint of her curves. The black skirt sat low on her hips, and flared out into soft pleats which fell down to her knees. She’d slipped on a pair of black knee-high leather boots which suited the whole outfit perfectly.

“And this must be Buffy,” his father extended his hand toward the lovely young woman when he noticed that his son was currently incapacitated.

“Yep, that’s me,” Buffy replied brightly, taking the proffered hand. Spike’s father gave off a comforting air, with kind eyes and a soft smile. “And you’re Spike’s dad I presume, unless he’s decided to bring a perfect stranger around.”

“Yes, well, I’m sure the thought would have occurred to him given the time. My name is Rupert Giles,” he smiled at Buffy.

“You can jus’ call him Giles though, luv,” Spike added having found his voice again.
“Oh, and Merry Christmas, Spike, and you too, of course, Giles,” Buffy ushered them inside off the porch and Dawn fussed to get out of Spike’s arms. Dawn asked politely for their coats, only to pass them off to Buffy as soon as she got them, and took Spike’s hand and pulled him into the living room where she was planning on showing him her gifts.


~*~*~


Buffy led Giles into the kitchen and offered him some of the eggnog she had whipped up earlier that morning.

“I think Mom kept the booze in the cupboard over the fridge if you want to check for some,” Buffy pointed him in the right direction and set about checking on the turkey. “It’s been in for about an hour and a half, so it should be ready around five thirty I think. Hope that’s okay.”

“Sounds absolutely wonderful Buffy,” Giles seated himself on one of the barstools, watching Buffy scurry around the kitchen. “I have to thank you for asking us to spend this holiday with you and your sister; it was most kind of you.”

“Oh it was nothing really,” Buffy replied, looking up from her perusal of her mother’s cookbook. “Dawn was the one who suggested the idea, though I’m glad she did. It would have been hard for us to be by ourselves today I have to admit.”

“I can only imagine how hard this must be for you,” Giles reached across the counter and grasped her small hand in his. “The first Christmas without Anne was the most difficult for us. Though I can’t say they get any easier after either,” he offered her a crooked smile.

“I can’t help thinking mom knew that she wasn’t going to be here,” Buffy found it very easy to open up to the man in front of her. “She had already gotten our presents this year, had them wrapped and ready in her closet, even though all the doctors said she was perfectly fine after the surgery. No one could have predicted the aneurism.”

“Well there are many theories and indeed stories about people being somewhat aware that their time is near and thus preparing their affairs without telling their family.”

“Maybe… It certainly feels that way,” Buffy withdrew her hand and looked back at the cookbook. “She had even arranged for one of the assistants at her gallery to look after the place all of December and January.”

“Your mother ran a gallery?” Giles was intrigued.

“Yeah, and art gallery in town, she loved it. It was her lifelong dream to have her own gallery, and after Dawn was born she went for it,” Buffy’s eyes filled with tears at the thought. Her mom had only really had her dream for a few years before she had to give it up again.

“May I ask what you are planning to do with the gallery now? Are you planning to get someone to run it for you?” Giles saw Buffy’s tears and hoped to divert her attention. He set about helping her out in the kitchen as well by starting to peel the potatoes.

“I don’t really know. Haven’t thought about it to be honest. I’m just trying to figure out how to manage to take care of Dawn and myself at the moment. And I have all of next month at least,” Buffy checked the freezer hoping to find the frozen peas she thought she’d seen earlier. “Eww, these peas are going to be mushy! I should have gotten fresh ones.”

“I like mushy peas,” Giles smiled at Buffy who responded by raising her eyebrow.

“I’ve heard things about you British people,” she put the peas on the counter to thaw.

“Spike appears to be quite taken with the two of you,” Giles watched Buffy closely out of the corner of his eye as he continued, “He hasn’t been this excited about anything since we moved to California.”

“Really?” Buffy couldn’t help the light flush which spread across her cheeks, “Well, Dawn is quite taken by him. She has been asking for him all week, I can only imagine what she’s torturing him with at the moment.”


~*~*~


Dawn was in the middle of trying to convince Spike to read to her from one of her new books while Buffy was busy in the kitchen with Giles.

“Can you pleeeaase read to me? I won’t tell you that you talk funny either!” Dawn was kneeling on the sofa cushion next to him after having shown him a running parade of the toys she’d received. She was batting her eyelashes and stuck her lower lip out in a pout when Spike only smiled at her.

“You promise you won’t tell me I talk funny?” Spike knew he couldn’t resist her, and Buffy had apparently decided she was old enough for a proper version of the Grimm fairytales, so he didn’t object at all to reading to the little bit.

“Pinky-swear!” After taking her proffered pinky and hooking his own around it, Spike spread his arms wide in the universal invitation for children to join an adult on their lap for story time.

“Alright, sweetheart,” Spike opened the contents list of the book, “What story do you want me to read for you?”

“Cinderella!” Dawn clapped her hands enthusiastically.

“Now bit you know that this isn’t that poncy Disney version? The step-sisters are very very mean,” Spike looked on in concern, hoping that Buffy was aware of the real ending of the old fairy tale.

“Yeah, an’ the old one has to cut off her toe!” Dawn appeared to be well aware of the ending which was enough for Spike. She helped him leaf through the book to the first page of the story.

“The wife of a rich man fell sick…” Spike started in his best low story-teller baritone.


~*~*~


Giles had just brought the turkey out for a round of basting when Dawn came into the kitchen.

“Buffy?” she looked up at her sister, “May I have some milk?”

“Sure you can,” she replied reaching into the cupboard for a glass, “why are you so polite all of a sudden?”

“Spike said that if I didn’t ask for things nicely Cinderella’s doves would come get me,” Dawn said in a small voice before thanking Buffy for the glass of milk.

“Oh did he?” Giles looked up when his son came sauntering into the kitchen after the perplexed little girl. “Do you really think that’s appropriate, William?”

Neither Buffy nor Giles were prepared for the giggles which erupted from Dawn at Giles’ reprimand.

“I told ya it would work,” Spike winked at Dawn.

“We jus’ pretended a little cuz Spike wanted to hear you laugh, Buffy,” Dawn’s giggles doubled in intensity when she saw the stunned look on her sister’s face. She looked up at Spike and smiled triumphantly. “Can your daddy read to me now? I have lots of stories left an’ he doesn’t talk as funny as you.”

“Hey! You pinky-swore that you wouldn’t tell me I talked funny,” Spike looked truly disappointed.

Before he could say anything further Giles mumbled, “Yes, well if he’d speak like he was brought up to I’m certain he would sound less funny.”

“Oi! Lay off,” Spike sat down glumly on one of the barstools and reached for the eggnog and rum.

“Will you please read me a story, Mr. Giles?” Dawn tugged at his leg and gave her best ‘please’ eyes.

“Certainly Dawn, let me just put the turkey back in the oven and then I’ll let William relieve me in my kitchen duties,” Giles was instantly drawn in by Dawn’s effective expressions. Buffy merely rolled her eyes at Spike, who returned her gesture with a smile.

“Seems nibblet lied about your culinary skills, pet,” Spike said as his father left the room with Dawn. “You look like you’re holding your own in here.”

Buffy blushed at the unexpected compliment, “Well your father was a real help, I would have forgotten all about the basting without him.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Spike made his way around the counter to survey her progress on the sweet potatoes. She was doing quite well, and looked happier than he expected her to. “Anythin’ I can do?”

“Um, not yet, unless you want to help me set the table,” Buffy was busy gathering plates and cutlery, and pointed Spike in the right direction for the glasses and napkins when he agreed to the task.


~*~*~*~


Once the table had been set in the dining room, Buffy and Spike made their way back into the kitchen. After checking on the progress of the turkey and sneaking a peek into the living room where Giles was busy helping Dawn read a few passages, she hopped up on the stool next to Spike.

“Thanks for being so great with Dawn, she really likes you.”

“’s no problem. I like her too; she’s got quite the lust for violence though. Was cheerin’ when the evil step-sisters got their eyes pecked out.”

Buffy laughed, “Yeah, Mom used to insist that we have the ‘real deal’ when we were old enough. She must have thought the book would be appropriate. Dawn may be a bit young for some of them though,” she added scrunching up her nose.

“Nah, my own mum used to read them to me when I was Dawn’s age, and I turned out fine,” Spike leered at her, tongue stuck behind his teeth.

“Oh no! My sister’s gonna turn out to be a wanna-be punk! Whatever shall I do?” Buffy cried in mock horror.

“Oi! What is it with you lot ganging up on me today,” Spike smiled, “I thought Christmas was a time for love and bein’ nice and gingerbread houses.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re just horrified at our behaviour. So you get something nice for Christmas then?”

“Da got me some CDs, all punk classics I assure you. What about you? I’ve seen all of Dawn’s fabulous gifts so I can only imagine.”

“Oh nothing much really. I’m sure Dawn told you about the presents mom left us, and Willow got me a top that I’d been eyeing and Xander, well he got me a gift card, so pretty good all in all,” Buffy shot Spike a glance.

“Sounds like it pet. So that outfit’s your mom’s present to ya then,” he made sure she saw his appreciative once-over before adding, “wish she was here so I could tell her how much I appreciate it.”

“You pig!” she slapped him lightly on the arm. “She was always good at presents. There’s still one I haven’t opened.”

“Really? Not ready to let go?” Spike didn’t want Buffy to loose the carefree air she’d had since they arrived, but sensed she needed to tell someone.

“No, I’m not. I don’t know what it is, it’s stupid really, I mean it’s not like she wants me to wait or anything. She probably wants me to have it right away, maybe it’s something useful… and now I’m babbling,” she blushed and looked into her nog.

“Don’t worry luv,” Spike took her fidgeting hands into his own and made her face him, “If you want someone there when you decide to open it let me know.”

“Well, I’m kinda happy you said that because I have this idea, and you don’t have to say yes, but I-I’d really like you to come,” her green eyes flickered with uncertainty, but the encouragement and compassion she saw in Spike’s blue eyes allowed her to continue. “Dawn and I wanted to stop by the cemetery and leave her the flowers and letters we wrote, and to say Merry Christmas, and well, I was hoping that maybe you’d come along? I thought I could open my gift there with her.”

Spike was touched; he could hardly believe she wanted him along for such a personal moment. “’Course, luv, want me to ask da and see if he’ll stay to man the kitchen?”

Buffy visibly brightened at the offer, “Sure, if you’re sure he won’t mind.”

“I’m positive he won’t,” he immediately got up and proceeded into the living room to chat with his father. Five minutes later, he was in the car driving the two Summers’ daughters to visit their mother’s grave site on Christmas Day.

Chapter 7: I miss you mommy…




The gates of Restfield cemetery were open and inviting. At least as open and inviting as cemetery gates could be. The air was cold, the kind of cold that bites your cheeks and lips when you step outside the first time. Buffy thought it was appropriate for the day. She always hated sunny days when she had gone to visit her parents before. It felt like the world was smiling and moving on with life and joy while she was stuck in a cloud of gloom.

Squaring her shoulders and giving Dawn’s hand an encouraging squeeze she faced the walkway that led to her parents’ grave. Spike walked beside Dawn so she was sandwiched between them. If all else failed, you always protected the youngest. Dawn was solemn, staring straight ahead the whole walk, clutching her bouquet of flowers in her free hand.

The trio approached the gravestones, Joyce and Hank Summers, beloved father and mother staring blankly out. Buffy let go of Dawn and approached the stone, kneeling down in front of it. She reached out a shaky finger and traced the names, one after the other. She felt Dawn come up beside her, and watched as she copied her earlier actions. She looked over at her little sister, still such a baby, and was struck by the thought that she would never really remember their mom, not as she would.

Standing quickly and swaying slightly as a wave of dizziness hit her. Spike was at her side in half a second, his strong arms holding her up. Buffy looked into his calm, understanding eyes, her own green ones swimming with tears. He reached up a hand and cupped her face, pulling her closer to his chest, offering support without words. She gratefully accepted.

“Will mommy and daddy really read my letters?” Dawn looked up at the pair with wide eyes.

“Of course, little bit,” Spike replied with ease, arm around Buffy. He knelt down next to Dawn, pulling Buffy down with him. “If you ever want to say anything to them while you’re here, all you gotta do is close your eyes real tight and listen real hard, and they’ll talk to you.”

“Really?” Dawn’s features lit with hope. Her eyes shifted from Spike to Buffy.

“Really, Dawnie, I talk to mom all the time,” Buffy assured her. “You don’t even have to be here, you can do it at home, too.” Dawn smiled and turned to the gravestone, shutting her eyes tightly, face screwed up in concentration. She stayed like that for a couple of minutes before relaxing and leaving her letters and flowers propped up against the stone.

Spike watched Dawn’s concentrated expression and felt an echo of the sadness which had assailed Buffy earlier. He realized that Dawn would grow up without too many ‘real’ memories of her own mother, Buffy would have to provide her with stories and the rest would be what Dawn made up herself. He didn’t believe she’d have any memories at all of their father, considering how young she’d been when he died. He pulled Buffy closer to his body when he felt her body shake lightly in the cool air.

“Sorry,” Buffy whispered. “It’s just a little too much.”

“’S okay, I’ve got ya.”

“Thanks.” Dawn turned around to look at her sister and Spike. Buffy looked at her with tears streaking down her cheeks, giving her a wobbly smile. “My turn?”

“Yeah, mommy asked me who Spike was,” Dawn looked over to where their mother’s name was written.

“Did she?” Buffy said as she kneeled closer to the gravesite, one hand touching the cool marble. “And what did you tell her?”

“That he found me but she said she knew that. She had helped him find me so that I wouldn’t be lost anymore,” Dawn walked over to where Spike had settled down on the ground.

“Well tha’s right nice of her then bit,” Spike smiled at the girl as she crawled onto his lap. “Allowed me to find my girls did she?”

“Your girls?” Buffy offered him a raised eyebrow and a small smile.

Blushing, Spike made a show of arranging Dawn comfortably on his lap. “If you don’ mind that is.”

Buffy just smiled and turned toward the gravestones. She closed her eyes and let the peace of the moment wash over her. She felt the caress of the cool wind on her cheeks and sighed. She knew the coming years would be very hard. Dawn would grow out of her sweet little sister stage and into a raging teenage hormone bomb full of rebellious indignation. But that time was far away and the breeze seemed to whisper soothing words of encouragement.

‘Mommy, I miss you so much,’ Buffy thought, concentrating on her mother’s face. ‘I don’t know if I can do all of this. Raise Dawn, finish school like you wanted me to, and take care of the gallery. I love you so much, and I am still angry that you left us. I’m just so scared. What if I screw it all up? Raise Dawn wrong? Flunk out of school? I wish you were here to see the tree this year. And the turkey that I cooked, with a little help of course. And like Dawn, I wish you had met Spike and Giles too. You’d love them, they have that inner light you always talked about. But I understand mommy. After today I know things’ll be okay. You just have to keep looking out for us. We can’t do this without you…’ She wiped away the tears as they fell and placed her bouquet alongside Dawns. As she leaned forward to touch her mother’s stone she could swear she felt the wind kiss her cheek.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the small box that her mom had wrapped for her. Untying the bow and carefully pulling the paper free of the tape, she uncovered a small black jewelry box. A note pinned on top read, “To help light the road ahead, I believe in you. Love, Mom.”

Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks as she read the note. She opened the box and gasped as she saw the beautiful diamond pendant that lay inside. She reached into the box with trembling fingers to pull out the chain. The stone caught the light and sparkled elegantly against a white gold setting. She had no idea how her mom could have afforded to buy her this. She thought it was too precious for her to have, but vowed there and then to keep it as her most prized possession.

Spike gently extricated Dawn from his lap and kneeled beside her in silence. She looked into his eyes and held up the pendant. Smiling softly he reached for it and fastened it around her neck. As to not disturb her moment, he retreated back to where Dawn was sitting, placing his fingers to his lips to quiet her.

Buffy looked fondly at her mother’s stone and let out a deep sigh, “Merry Christmas Mom and Dad. We miss you.” She rose off her knees and looked over to where Spike and Dawn were sitting quietly. Both were watching her, and she smiled warmly at them.

“Ready to go?” Buffy dusted off her pants after standing, “I’m sure Giles has almost finished with the turkey by now.”

“Sure, luv,” Spike replied as he stood up, picking Dawn up in the process.

“Lookit!” Dawn’s joyful cry brought Buffy’s eyes away from Spike’s to her sister. Dawn was pointing up at the sky, “Mommy made it snow!”

And indeed, small white flakes were falling from the normally clear California sky.

“Well tha’s the last thing I expected. Beautiful job she did your mum,” Spike said to Dawn as they started making their way back to the cemetery gates. “I’m sure if this keeps up you’ll be able to make those lil’ snow angels soon.”

Dawn’s beautiful childish laughter rang through the quiet cemetery letting a little joy seep into the otherwise somber atmosphere. When Spike grabbed Buffy’s hand, she knew that her mom was indeed looking over them today.

Chapter 8 – Snow Angels

“We’re back!” Dawn rushed into the house as soon as the door opened. “It’s snowing Giles! Did you see?”

Buffy and Spike entered the house shortly after, shaking the flakes out of their hair and clothing. Buffy sighed as she saw the wet footprints which led to the kitchen, but couldn’t help smiling. It wasn’t everyday it snowed in Sunnydale, let alone on Christmas.

“Well that must be a Christmas miracle if I’ve ever seen one,” Spike reached for her coat and hung it alongside his own.

“Yeah, it is,” Buffy smiled up at him. “Thank you again. It means more than I can say.”

“”S nothing, I already told you,” he looked down to the stone that hung around her neck. “Your mum had an eye. ‘S stunning, luv. Nearly as beautiful as you.”

“I have no idea where she got the money for it,” she fingered the pendant. “But I can’t say I mind.”

She reached for Spike’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen from which they could smell all kinds of extraordinary aromas. When they entered they were greeted with the sight of Giles trying to get Dawn out of her coat and boots while she was babbling on about all the things she planned on doing in the snow.

“But I don’t wanna take off my jacket! I wanna play in the snow!” Dawn pouted and crossed her arms, the picture of defiance. Giles looked up as Buffy and his son entered.

“Dawnie, we have to eat first and then we’ll go play in the snow,” Buffy took pity on Giles and took over the task of pulling the jacket off of Dawn’s struggling form. “Besides, if we wait until after dinner there’ll be even more snow to play in. Maybe we can even make a snowman. Does that sound good?”

Giles marveled at Buffy’s natural skill with her sister. The pout had disappeared instantly and the rambling had started again. Dawn was back to being the happy little five year old that she had been in the beginning. He shot a glance to his son and noticed the affectionate look he wore while watching the girls.

“Sis is right, lil’ bit. We’ll all go out an’ play after we’ve had turkey,” at Dawn’s happy squeal the three adults set about getting settled in for an amazing Christmas feast.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, the group of four made their way into the front hall to dress for the snow. Buffy had searched the upstairs closet for Dawn’s ski suit and thick boots so she could keep warm and dry, but after a few attempts to get it on her, it was soon evident it was too small. Between Dawn’s giggles and the Giles’ attempts at putting the too-tight boots on her, the whole ordeal lasted about a half an hour. Dawn was finally dressed in a pair of thick jeans, a couple of warm sweatshirts and her regular rain boots, hat and mittens in place. Rupert and Spike donned their jackets and waited as Buffy got her hat and gloves on.

“Ready?” Dawn’s excited voice piped up.

“Ready,” Buffy acknowledged as she opened the front door to reveal a sea of white covering the front lawn. “Now you just have to be careful, especially on the porch and stairs so you don’t slip.”

“’Kay,” Dawn made a show of carefully putting each foot down for each step.

Giles laughed heartily at her hamming it up for everyone and followed her down the steps, feeling lighter of heart than he had in years. Dawn paused at the edge of the grass and marveled at the white sheet before her. She looked up at Giles with a smile on her face before taking a big leap forward, being the first to mark the virgin snow of the front yard.

“Spike! You hafta show me how to make a snow angel,” she was busy running all around the yard making small footprints in the snow.

“Alright, nibblet. I’ll show you how,” Spike followed her out onto the snow and set about instructing her on how to lie back on the snow and how to move her arms to make wings.

“She’s an extraordinary girl, Buffy,” Giles watched as his son and Dawn made a series of little angels across the lawn.

“Yeah, she’s a little trooper. I’m just happy that she’s enjoyed her Christmas as much as she has. Thank you for being a part of it,” Buffy smiled up at the older man.

“Oh, Buffy, truly it was nothing. I have not enjoyed a Christmas this much in years and it’s thanks to you and that delightful snow angel there. You have made this into a holiday to remember,” Giles said.

“I’m sure we didn’t do that much,” Buffy mumbled, blushing.

“No you really did. We are grateful. Me especially, I haven’t seen William this lighthearted and happy for more years than I care to count,” Giles didn’t want to push her, but also wanted her to know how special she was becoming to them already.

“I-I am happy he’s happy I guess,” Buffy didn’t know how to reply to the subtle statement. “He makes us happy too. We both need some distraction these days.”

“Yes, indeed,” Giles shrugged his shoulders against the cold, smiling at the sight of Spike lying in the snow, black duster billowing around him, making a snow angel at Dawn’s direction. “Why don’t we join in the fun? It’s been years since I’ve had a proper snowball fight,” he winked at Buffy and started to gather some snow.

“How ‘bout I take the left, you take the right, sneak attack?” Buffy couldn’t resist the childish gleam in his eyes and dropped down to gather some snow of her own, packing it into a ball.

“You’re on,” Giles slowly walked toward the right hand side of the two, while Buffy crept down the left side. Dawn was busy sitting on top of Spike, instructing him, and telling him off every few seconds for not making the wings big enough.

At a silent signal from Giles, Buffy launched herself at Spike and Dawn, making sure to avoid Dawn. Her missile hit Spike square in the chest while Giles’ hit his left shoulder. Dawn erupted in a fit of giggles at Spike’s confused expression before jumping off him to chase Giles.

“No fair! My legs are shorter than yours,” Dawn giggled as she pursued Giles in the falling snow.

Spike meanwhile was busy gathering snow for a retaliatory attack against Buffy who was scrambling to do the same. Buffy pelted him with a second snowball before running around the corner of the house into the back yard.

“I’m gonna catch you, you lil’ minx,” Spike’s voice drifted through the muted sounds of the snow falling.

“I don’t think so!” Buffy sing-songed from her hiding place behind the tree. She had a couple of snowballs prepared and ready to go.

“Here kitty kitty kitty,” Spike’s voice came from the opposite side of the tree trunk. Spike knew she was behind the tree and couldn’t wait to get revenge. It was, after all, quite difficult to hide tracks in the snow. He heard her trying to suppress a giggle as she snuck up behind him, right before she mashed the snowball down the back of his coat.

“Oi! That’s cold,” Spike reached around to scrape away the snow, dropping his own ammunition, which was promptly used against him. “Hey!”

Buffy smiled, blew him a kiss, and turned to start running off again. This time, Spike was fast enough to grab her arm lightly and topple her onto the ground. He rolled so he would break her fall, but continued so he’d have the prime position above her. Pinning her arms beside her, he shook his head to get rid of the melting snow.

“What are you gonna do now little girl,” Spike smiled down at her, watching the snowflakes catch on her eyelashes. She was breathtaking, green eyes shining in laughter, cheeks flushed from cold, blonde hair spilling around her from under her woolly cap.

“Beg and plead for your mercy?” She replied, eyes dancing.

“I think we can arrange something,” he watched as she caught her lower lip with her teeth. Lowering his head further, a breath away from touching his lips to hers, he whispered, “I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Spike’s firm lips touched hers softly before Buffy had a chance to reply. His lips were cool against hers, but as he deepened the kiss, his warm tongue ran over her lower lip, begging entrance. Buffy parted her lips and met his tongue tentatively. She didn’t know if she should be doing this, if this kiss would just complicate even more her already complicated life, but she couldn’t help the sigh of contentment that escaped.

Spike didn’t think he’d ever felt lips as soft as Buffy’s. She was warm and soft beneath him, all thought of revenge having left his mind. He begged for entrance to tangle his tongue with hers, and when he got it, he was in heaven. He felt the rise and fall of Buffy’s sigh against his chest and felt his body scream to discover the secrets hidden under her bulky winter layers.

When Spike released her lips and rested his forehead against hers, Buffy opened her eyes and stared into the lust-darkened depths of his azure gaze. The sly smile that spread over his lips gave her little warning before he managed to slip a handful of snow down the top of her jacket.

“You jerk!” Buffy screeched as the snow melted against her skin. She couldn’t help bursting into a fit of giggles as he only grinned wider at her outburst.

“There you are!” Dawn’s voice carried over the snow toward them, and before either of the two knew what had happened, Dawn had barreled onto them. Spike was knocked off Buffy and sprawled on his back in the snow, while Buffy lay stunned in the same spot. Dawn seemed as oblivious as any five year old to the moment she interrupted and entertained herself throwing snow at the couple.

“Dawnie!” Buffy yelled when she was greeted with a face full of snow. “Enough, enough,” she giggled against the onslaught.

Dawn smiled deviously at her sister. She covertly moved her hands to pick up more snow to throw at her when two hands caught her in the act.

“That’s enough, young lady,” Giles picked up the struggling girl and threw her over his shoulder. This caused her to erupt in giggles. “I think it’s about time to go inside before you’re soaked through. Wouldn’t you say Buffy?”

“Yes, I have to agree,” Buffy stood up and brushed off the snow which had caked onto her pants. Spike followed up beside her, swatting her on the bum as he ‘helped’ Buffy rid herself of snow. Giles cocked a brow at his son’s behaviour and proceeded to walk into the house to get a shivering Dawn warm.

Buffy glared at Spike and proceeded to follow Giles and her sister inside, but Spike latched onto her arm and held her back. Glancing up at him she hoped he didn’t want to discuss what had just happened, she wasn’t ready to.

“Hold on, pet,” Spike saw her confusion, “I jus’ got you a little something for Christmas.” He reached into one of the interior pockets of his duster and pulled out a wrapped parcel.

When Spike placed the gift in her hands, Buffy was stunned. She certainly hadn’t expected him to bring her anything. The wrapping was beautifully done, but she was sure he could flirt his way into anything at the mall.

“I’m not sure you’ll like it, but it’s something you told me you’re interested in,” Spike rubbed the back of his neck in a classically male action of self-consciousness.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Buffy undid the edges of the paper and took out the slim book that lay inside. It was leather bound and looked worn, opening the first page she saw her name and the date carefully and beautifully written.

“’S jus’ some poems I thought you’d like,” Spike blushed and looked down, intently studying the toes of his boots. “Made some comments for you in the margins, if you wanna know what I thought of them.”

Buffy was amazed, the book was filled with classical poetry, and sure enough, there were handwritten comments in the margins of all the poems. She was speechless. She looked over at him, and seeing that he was still ducking his head, she cupped his cheek and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

“I love it, Spike,” she looked into his eyes, her own swimming with tears. “It’s an amazing gift. But I don’t have anything for you.”

“Got all that I could ever want, luv,” he smiled and captured her lips in a soft kiss, pulling her into his arms.

“Let’s go inside and have some hot coco,” Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the backdoor.

“You got any o’ those little marshmallows?” Spike asked and Buffy laughed in response. It had been a wonderful Christmas, better than anyone could have imagined.

Chapter 9 – Proclamations



Buffy walked through the quad of Sunnydale U toward the Café. She’d just finished a tough hour with her demonic professor Walsh in Intro Psychology. The woman was tough as nails and had a militaristic view of how her course was run. Luckily, both Willow and her boyfriend Oz were also taking the class so there was some respite. And her TA, Riley, was cute and seemed interested in her, but he had nothing on Spike.

She settled at a table and pulled out the folder Sherry from the gallery had given her to look over. Sherry had been running the gallery the last couple of months, but she was seven months pregnant so she’d have to leave soon which left Buffy in charge. The folder was full of marked pages of orders, sales, and employee files. For such a small gallery there was a lot of paperwork. At least their neighbor Mrs. Johnson offered to care for Dawn in the afternoons so Buffy could continue with her classes and take care of the gallery.

“Hello, beautiful,” Spike’s deep voice jolted her out of her reverie.

“Hi, Spike,” Buffy smiled up at him, accepting a kiss on the cheek.

“An’ how’s my little co-ed today,” Spike looked at the pages that littered the table, noting it to be gallery work. So it was time for Buffy to take on more work then? Poor girl.

“Don’t ask. I just finished Psych with Professor Walsh. I swear she’s evil,” Buffy hastily stuffed the papers back into the folder and proceeded to put it into her bag. “Ready to eat?”

“Sure,” Spike replied, not pushing her. Yet.

After ordering their lunch and chatting about the usual things: Dawn, Giles, work and school, Spike decided he’d had enough patience for the time being. Buffy wasn’t one to openly ask for help. He’d learned that much in the short time he’d known her.

“So you’re takin’ over at your mum’s gallery then?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied. “You saw my fun filled folder of doom?”

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as that, pet,” Spike chuckled at her wrinkled nose, her only reply to his comment. “Wha’s so bad about it?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy stole one of the fries from his plate and munched on it thoughtfully before continuing, “I guess that’s the problem. I don’t know anything about all this art stuff. I listened to Mom, but I didn’t really pay attention, you know?”

“Yeah, so you need help with selecting the art work then?” Spike swatted at her hand playfully when she deftly stole another fry.

“Art, money, paying people, telling people what to do. Basically I need to learn how to be all-in-control-girl. I guess I’ll need a crash course, huh?”

“It’s not that bad. The money’s never the fun bit, an’ people they’ll do what you want as long as you know how to manage ‘em,” Spike leaned back, relinquishing the rest of his meal to his girl.

“Well… what am I supposed to tell them? I’m younger than all of them, they will think I’m dumb,” she said sulking.

“You’re not dumb, Buffy,” Spike reached for her hand, leaning forward again. “You’re managing everything else in your life. You’ve got Dawn an’ yourself to worry about. I’ll do what I can to help you at the gallery.”

“And what do you know about art, Spike?” Buffy arched an elegant brow, one side of her mouth quirked up.

“I know more than you I wager,” Spike replied with equal cheek. “I did major in Art History you know.”

“You told me you were an English major,” Buffy said suspiciously.

“Dual-major, pet,” he smiled at her softly. “’sides Rupes has more books than any single man should, he knows enough to pitch in.”

“Oh,” Buffy glanced down at their joined hands. The past weeks since Christmas had been great. Dawn was back in school, as was she, and Spike had kept things slow between them. They’d watched movies he brought over, one to watch with Dawn, and one to watch after she went to bed. They spent their time alone together snuggling on the sofa and talking about anything that came up. He’d read some of the poems he gave her and helped her understand and interpret their meanings. But now things were going to get more stressful and she didn’t want to ask him for any more help when he’d already given her so much.

“You’re not askin’, pet,” Spike said, noticing her inner turmoil. “I’m offerin’.”

Buffy couldn’t help the smile that crept over her lips, “How do you always know what I’m thinking?”

“Well, I’d say I was psychic, but that frown you were sportin’ was a bit of a sign,” Spike smiled at her. “So what do you need help with? The art you need? Money handlin’? Or do you want me to go down there an’ tell your staff who’s boss?”

Laughing Buffy replied, “I think the staff issue is a non-issue. I’d rather you not threaten them. But since art, money and Buffy are very un-mixy, I don’t think I can pass on that offer.”

“Right,” he said, adopting a clip businesslike tone, “Gimme the files, woman.”

“Well with a caveman request such as that, what’s a poor helpless girl to do?” Buffy slid the folder toward him, blowing him a kiss when he pouted.

Buffy tucked back into Spike’s neglected fries while he looked over proposals from new artists and the other paperwork Sherry had left for her. She took the time to study him as he sat, brow furrowed in concentration, pen hanging from between his lips. His hair was blindingly white in the sunshine that poured in from the window, making it stand out even further. She’d never taken the time to notice how long his eyelashes were before but they nearly touched his chiseled cheeks when he lowered his eyes at the pages in front of him. The only downfall of his reading was that she couldn’t take the opportunity to gaze into those amazing eyes of his.

“Hi, Buffy,” a voice startled her out of her intimate study of her boyfriend. That thought made her start abruptly. Was he officially her boyfriend now? She had never asked. Turning to see who had spoken she was perturbed to find Riley standing there.

“Um, hi Riley,” she replied, throwing a sidelong glance at Spike.

“Doing some studying?” Riley asked, noting the stack of papers.

“Sure, studying.” She wasn’t in the mood to correct him. Nor should she, he didn’t need to know. Buffy heard Spike clearing his throat, obviously wanting an introduction.

“Oh, Riley, this is Spike.” She watched as Spike straightened in his chair, a suspicious glint in his eyes.

“Spike? Well, that’s an… interesting name,” Riley shook Spike’s hand, puffing his own chest. Spike shot Buffy a glance, clearly wanting some further explanation.

“Riley’s the TA for my Intro Psych class,” Buffy supplied, smiling softly at him.

“Yeah, isn’t it an incredible class? Maggie, I mean Professor Walsh, is simply brilliant. She has been doing some very interesting studies on behaviour modification. I think you’ll really enjoy lecture next week, Buffy,” Riley sounded like an excited school boy. ‘What a ponce’ Spike thought to himself, noting the special interest Riley was paying to Buffy and quite relieved to see it didn’t seem to be reciprocated by her.

“Um, sure, her class is just nifty,” Buffy said. She noticed Spike hadn’t said a word during the exchange and decided to take the plunge. “Spike’s been helping me study for class. It’s great to have a smart boyfriend.” She smiled warmly at him, reaching to take his hand. Spike’s eyes shot directly to hers, holding her gaze intently, waves of emotion passing over his expressive features.

“Boyfriend? I-I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” Riley shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I see Forrest over there holding a table so I should get going. See you in class, Buffy.”

“Yeah, see ya, Riley,” Buffy didn’t bother to look at him as he left, focusing instead on the man in front of her.

When he was gone, she added, “If you want to be that is.”

Spike felt like his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth. He couldn’t produce a sound. She’d clearly asserted him as hers in front of that overgrown farm boy. Spike had made sure to take everything slowly, even if it was killing him, knowing that she was already going through so many changes in her life. He’d wanted to ask her where they stood many times but hadn’t wanted to ruin the progress they’d made.

“Spike? Are you going to make me go all high school on you?” Buffy’s nervous voice broke through his train of thought. When he frowned at her question, Buffy took a deep breath and asked, “Spike, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Cheeky grin firmly in place, he took Buffy’s face between his hands and brought it to a stop right in front of his, noses almost touching.

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend, Buffy Summers,” he supplied, kissing her softly on the lips to seal the deal.

Chapter 10 – The Bearer of Bad News



“What on earth is this?” Willow held up an object covered in feathers and held it toward Buffy.

“It’s a tribal mask, for uh… fertility?” Buffy answered after looking at the delivery manifest. She was busy unpacking crates of new display items which had arrived that morning. Willow had happily offered to help her, not having spent a lot of time together with Buffy for a while.

“Oh,” Willow angled the object and squinted but still couldn’t make it out. Shrugging she added it to the African Tribal Collection table. “Have you talked to Xander lately?”

“Uh yeah, a couple of weeks ago, I think,” Buffy replied, prying nails from the lid of the biggest crate. “Why?”

“Did he tell you about the girl he met? Anya?” Willow didn’t sound too impressed.

“Xander met a girl? A real girl?” Buffy was stunned. Xander’s dating history was not the best. First, in high school, he’d had a fling with the resident bad-girl Faith, then with a crazy exchange student. Both had left without a word, and since then Xander hadn’t really shown any real interest in anyone.

“Yeah, she’s weird. Apparently, she went to high school with us, but I don’t remember her. He ran into her at the bar he was working at for like… what, a week,” Willow emptied the packing peanuts into the big bin at the other end of the room.

“Huh. Well, that’s good. Xander deserves a little happy time. Not like he’s the paragon of normal,” Buffy placed the lid of the crate on the floor and reached in to lift out the first of the paintings.

“I suppose. Still, I say she’s odd. I’m sure you’ll meet her eventually,” Willow checked the manifest for the next crate’s contents. “She’s very blunt.”

“Blunt? How do you mean?” Buffy picked the second painting out of the crate and leaned it up against the first.

“I don’t know. Trust me I can’t explain it. You’ll just have to be surprised,” Willow turned toward the door when Steve, the college student who worked weekdays, knocked on the doorframe.

“Buffy? Someone’s here to see you. Says he’s from the bank,” Steve had that typical art student look, appearing to be constantly bored or frustrated by the conformists of the world.

“Okay, thanks, Steve. I’ll be out in a sec,” she looked over at Willow. “I guess I’ll go see what he wants. You okay here for a little while Will?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll just keep, you know, unpacking,” Willow had watched the stricken look come over Buffy’s features at the mention of the bank, and hoped that it wasn’t bad news.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hi, I’m Buffy Summers,” Buffy approached the man standing nervously in front of one of their strangest pieces of art. It was a modern piece, which was supposed to represent dreams, but looked more like a monster ready to strike.

“Yes, hello, I’m Jeremy Barker, your mother’s personal banker,” he extended a hand toward the young woman. Buffy shook it and pointed toward the closet-sized office her mother had kept.

“Why don’t we have a seat in there, unless this is just a quick talk to tell me I inherited mountains of money?” Buffy said with a crooked smile but she couldn’t quite keep the nervous note out of her voice. Her fears mounted as Mr. Barker only shook his head and followed her into the small room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thirty minutes later, a visibly shaken Buffy joined Willow in the back room. She was pale and immediately sank down to the floor, causing Willow to rush to her side.

“Buffy? What’s wrong? It’s bad, isn’t it? I mean a personal visit from a bank guy is never good. Did he yell at you? Hit you?” Willow was rambling, searching Buffy’s face for a clue.

“Why would he hit me Will?” Buffy frowned, the last question pulling her out of her thoughts.

“I don’t know maybe i-it’s like The Sopranos you know, all collectiony violence? Like, if you don’t give me money now I cut off your pinky toe,” Willow worried the hem of her shirt with anxious hands.

“It’s the bank, not the mob,” Buffy couldn’t help a faint smile slipping forward at her friend’s comment. It immediately receded when she continued with a deep sigh, “We’re almost out of money. He came to tell me I need to do something about it.”

“Oh Buffy,” Willow’s eyes filled with sympathy for her best friend. The Powers That Be really seemed out to get her at the moment. She saw the tears start to gather and fall down Buffy’s cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, she pulled her into a hug, and cried with her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The soft knocking on the front door broke through the quiet calm of the Giles’ apartment, where Rupert had been busy studying a copy of Buffy’s gallery manifest for the next month, making careful notes concerning placement and advertising.

“Buffy? What a pleasant surprise to see you during the week,” Giles held the door open to let in the obviously troubled girl. The sisters had started eating Sunday night dinner with Spike and Rupert every week, giving everyone something to look forward to. With the amount of work Buffy had at the moment though, Giles had never expected to see her in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon.

“Hi Giles, I hope I’m not disturbing you.” Buffy allowed her eyes to travel around the apartment, trying to avoid his questioning gaze. After assuring Willow she was fine and finishing up with the delivery, she had made her way over here, hoping that Giles may be able to help. She felt lost.

“Not at all, would you like me to make us some tea?” Giles proceeded toward the kitchen at Buffy’s silent nod. She settled on the sofa, pulling out the files Mr. Barker had given her. If she was going to do this, she’d have to ask right away, or she’d certainly lose her nerve.

“There you are,” Giles said, placing a mug of steaming Earl Grey down in front of Buffy. “Now, as much as I am sure you enjoy spending your afternoons with a former librarian, I have the feeling there are more urgent matters at hand.”

One look into Giles’ compassionate eyes had Buffy struggling to hold back her tears. The battle was short lived, though; tears soon making tracks down Buffy’s flushed cheeks. She brushed at them angrily and reached for the folder on the table.

“We have no money,” Buffy said quietly. Giles felt his heart ache for the young girl who had gone through so much already. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and comfort her, allowing her to rest her burden for a little while, but he had seen her determination and knew he was better off listening to her.

“The man at the bank, Mr. Barker, he’d been handling Mom’s finances, came to see me today. He told me that because we didn’t have any insurance, most of our savings went to pay Mom’s hospital bills. And I really don’t want to sell the gallery. It would be like betraying Mom. She worked so hard to get it going,” Buffy’s tears flowed faster when she thought of her mother’s efforts.

“I understand, Buffy. Pass me those files and I’ll tell you what I think your options are,” Giles settled in with the folder open in one hand and his mug of tea in the other. All Buffy could do now was wait. She leaned back against the couch cushions, brushing her silent tears away and sipping her tea.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Twenty minutes and a handful of ‘um-hmm’s later, Giles placed the file folder down on the coffee table in front of Buffy.

“Have you considered either selling or renting the house?” Giles knew this may be a hard option to consider, but was finding it difficult to see any other solution.

Buffy visibly blanched at the thought, “N-no, you mean we have to sell the house?” She didn’t know how she felt about selling the house; there had been so much loss already.

“You don’t have to, Buffy,” Giles took off his glasses and polished them, “I’m just presenting you with your options. I’m not sure what the bank representative said, but you do not have to sell your house per se, you could rent it out. But I think it is inevitable that you move. It seems to be the only option without affecting the gallery or your education.”

“If I drop out of school, we can stay?” Buffy asked quietly.

“For a while, a few months maybe. But that’s not an option, Buffy. You need an education so that you can get a job. If you rent the house, you could always move back after you finish your studies,” Giles placed an arm around her shoulders when he saw the girl begin to shake. “I know I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, but it seems to be the best option. Just think about it.”

“We could rent an apartment and rent out the house?” Buffy asked quietly.

“Of course. The rent you pay for an apartment would be significantly lower than what you would take in from renting out such a large house. The mortgage is not far from being paid off. Factor in the earnings from the gallery into that and you should be well off.”

“It would mean moving Dawn, finding a new place to call home, if only for a while.”

“Yes, but would it be so bad to have a fresh start? In a new place?” Giles asked her, Buffy’s head resting against his shoulder.

“Maybe not,” she admitted. “Maybe it’s just what we need.” She glanced up at the man who had quickly filled the shoes her father had never really felt comfortable in. She took in the quiet comfort of the moment, feeling some of her heavy burden leave her shoulders. A new life, one without the constant memory of what her mother left too early, maybe that is just what they needed.

Chapter 11 – Leaving the past behind

Buffy walked in the front door with a growing feeling of nostalgia. She hung her coat on the banister, moving toward the mumbled conversation in the kitchen. Mrs. Johnson must have brought Dawn home early.

“Hello?” Buffy called from the hall, not wanting to interrupt quite yet.

“Oh, hello dear,” Mrs. Johnson emerged from the kitchen in her mother’s apron. “Dawn and I were baking some cookies. Would you like one?” she asked, warm smile gracing her features.

“Sure, that would be great,” Buffy replied following her into the kitchen. Dawn was perched on one of the stools, an empty plate in front of her, drinking a glass of milk.

“Hi Buffy,” Dawn greeted with a toothy smile.

“Hello, Dawnie,” Buffy kissed the top of her head and sat next to Dawn. Mrs. Johnson placed a cookie and a glass of milk in front of her.

“Well, since you’re home now, I’ll be going. My grandson will be visiting me tomorrow so I best get cleaning,” she smiled at Buffy and slipped off the apron before letting herself out.

“Did you have a good day at school today?” Buffy asked her sister.

“Yeah, it was okay. We did some crafts today and Ms. White read to us.”

“Well that sounds fun,” Buffy savored the cookie while contemplating the best way of brining up the topic of moving with Dawn. She cleared the plates and helped Dawn climb down, “Why don’t we go into the TV room, sweetheart. I have something I have to talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Dawn followed Buffy and climbed up next to her on the sofa.

“I was just talking to Giles because I had a visit from a man from the bank today. You know the bank is where we keep all of Mom and Dad’s money right?” Buffy wanted to do this slowly and carefully.

“Yeah,” Dawn was looking at her hands, head bowed. Buffy had a feeling Dawn could sense the gravity of the situation. Kids are a lot smarter than we think

“Well, I thought we had a lot of money left at the bank, but the man told me that we don’t. So I went to ask Giles to help me and he said that we may have to let another family live in our house for a while,” Buffy watched Dawn closely.

“You want a family to live with us?” Dawn looked up at Buffy, not understanding.

“Well, no, not with us. We’d have to live somewhere else,” Buffy felt her eyes start watering again as she took in the crestfallen expression on Dawn’s face.

“We’d hafta live somewhere else? Where?”

“Well, you and I, and maybe Willow, would have to go look for a place to live,” Buffy saw Dawn’s tears form and fall. “I’m so sorry, Dawnie, I really wish we could stay.”

Dawn cried in Buffy’s arms, not wanting to leave the house where Mommy had lived with them. She liked it here. There was a big backyard and a tree and a porch swing. And her favorite hiding spot would be taken away from her. Buffy had cleared out the closet a few weeks ago, giving their mother’s old clothing to Good Will, but it still felt safe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When an hour later there was a knock on the front door, Dawn had stopped crying and was napping on the sofa next to Buffy. She rose quietly and went to open the door. A pacing Spike greeted her on the other side.

“Buffy, are you okay?” Spike immediately folded her into a hug. She reveled in the smell of leather, tobacco, and spice that was so uniquely him.

“Yeah, fine,” Buffy assured him. “Dawn’s sleeping in the TV room. Let’s talk in the kitchen.”

“Da’ told me you came to see him,” Spike started as soon as they entered the kitchen. He didn’t know how Buffy would react to him knowing, and it had taken a while to get it out of Rupert.

“Did he tell you why?” Buffy asked, tone not betraying how she felt.

“Reluctantly,” Spike replied with a soft smile, he leaned against the counter, spreading his legs wide so he could pull Buffy closer.

“So you know, we have to move?” Buffy searched his face, praying he wouldn’t pity her.

“Yeah, luv. I’m sorry,” Spike brushed a stray hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he just held her.

Buffy was relieved in a way that Spike already knew about her conversation with his father. She did feel a little betrayed at the same time however, seeing as it was her story to tell. But she knew that both of them cared for her and Dawn, so somehow it was a secret that wouldn’t have taken long to reveal. For now, she wanted to enjoy the strong comfort that Spike offered her, before she had to get back to dealing with real life again. Life seemed so much simpler lost in his embrace.

“Should we check on your lil’ sis, luv?” Spike broke the silence a while later.

“Probably,” Buffy murmured into his shoulder. “I just don’t know what to say to her. She understands, but she’s five, so there’s a limit, you know?”

“Yeah, luv,” Spike pulled her face up so he could meet her eyes. “But it’s nothing a good story can’t solve. And we’ll make her as comfortable as possible. ‘S all you can do.”

Buffy tilted her head to accept the soft kiss. His firm lips felt so right on hers and she quickly felt herself melting into him as he slipped his tongue out to tease her bottom lip. She parted her own lips bringing her tongue out to tangle with his, sliding her hands up his well muscled arms. When she pulled back to catch her breath she felt the all too familiar stirrings of desire coursing through her body. If only Dawn wasn’t in the other room…

When the kiss was broken Spike found himself shaking with desire he was barely able to restrain. He wanted Buffy more than he’d ever wanted anyone before. His pants were becoming progressively tighter, causing him to shift uncomfortably. What he wouldn’t give to throw her down on the kitchen bench and shag her senseless this very second.

“We really should check on Dawn,” Buffy searched his eyes, her own reflecting no small measure of regret. She asked herself for the millionth time if it was fair to keep Spike waiting because of her responsibilities.

“’Course, luv.” Smiling kindly he patted her on the bottom and turned her toward the living room. “I can’t wait to have you alone one of these days, pet. Waiting is but the sweetest torture,” he murmured in her ear, fanning the fire inside her.

Buffy groaned out loud causing Spike to chuckle. At least the feeling was mutual.

“Before we go wake bite-size,” Spike pulled up short. “Why don’ we go to the Bronze tomorrow? Rupes’ll watch the tiny terror, we’ll invite your mates, and jus’ take a night off for relaxin’.”

Buffy turned to face him, a mega-watt smile on her lips. A night Bronzing it up would be heaven. One night to be a normal college girl sounded like the sweetest sin she could imagine. The new boots she had bought on a whim the week before may finally get some use.

“I take that grin o’ yours as a yes then,” Spike said when she continued to stare off into space.

“Sounds great! I’ll call Wills and Xander tonight,” Buffy couldn’t help smiling as she felt like her old bubbly self again.

“Mind if I bring along a mate o’ mine? She works at the natural remedies shop in the mall,” Spike asked. “Tara was one of the firs’ people I met when I moved here. We have lunch sometimes. A real sweet girl.”

Buffy raised a brow at his glowing description, a twinge of jealousy churning in her gut.

Spike laughed at her petulant expression. “I assure you, luv, she’d be more interested in you than me.”

“W-what?” Buffy scrunched her nose up in confusion. Her eyes widened comically when she understood what Spike had meant.

“Come on, princess, off to wake sleeping beauty,” Spike laughed and pushed her through the door to the living room.

Chapter 12 – Dancing the night away

Buffy couldn’t help her excited fidgeting as Spike’s black DeSoto pulled into the parking lot near The Bronze. She couldn’t wait to boogey it up on the dance floor for the first time in months. She had spent hours picking out clothes and primping in front of the mirror with Dawn putting on fashion shows with her discarded outfits.

“You’re actin’ like you’re a sixteen year old sneakin’ into your first pub, luv,” Spike said as he helped her out of the car. He was happy that she was already enjoying her night so much, but it reminded him of how much she was already giving up while raising Dawn.

“I can’t help it. I haven’t been out like this in months! And besides, Xan is bringing Anya so that should be interesting,” Buffy practically skipped toward the entrance, Spike’s hand being her only restraint. “When’s Tara coming?”

“Said she’d be here in an hour or so. She had to finish up at work,” Spike let her walk ahead of him and lead the way, since he hadn’t met her friends yet.

“Buffy! Over here,” Willow called from the couches in one of the corners. “We couldn’t get our usual spot and hey, more people, so we figured that we’d be all with the roominess here.”

Buffy smiled, pulling Spike onto the couch next to her. “Spike, this is Willow and her boyfriend Oz.”

“Hi,” Willow grinned at Spike, excited to finally meet Buffy’s elusive boyfriend.

“Hey,” Oz reached out a hand and shook Spike’s.

“Oz is in a band. Dingoes Ate My Baby. They play here sometimes,” Buffy supplied.

“Yeah, I’ve heard you guys play a couple of times. You’re very good,” Spike offered.

“I’m his band’s groupie,” Willow interjected at Oz’s nod.

“No, you’re my inspiration,” Oz said earning a bright smile from Willow who leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Do you play?” he questioned Spike.

“Yeah, a little. Guitar mostly, some piano. Is it that obvious?” Spike asked quirking a brow.

“Nah, call it musician’s eye,” Oz smiled.

“You play two instruments?” Buffy was shocked. In the two months she’d known him, Spike had never mentioned that he played. She would have to ask him more about his musical talents later, perhaps he even sang…

“Sure do. I’m a man of many talents, pet,” Spike smiled smugly at her. “Da plays as well.”

“What?” Buffy found herself stunned by that revelation, she had no idea either of them played but the idea of Giles—sorta stuffy, yet fatherly, tweed-clad Giles—playing any musical instrument was quite shocking.

“Is there room for more at this gathering of couply goodness?” Xander’s voice came from behind the couch Buffy and Spike were seated at.

“Sure is!” Willow exclaimed, smiling brightly at Xander but faltering when Anya waved from behind him.

“Hello, Xander’s friends,” Anya quipped, eyes scanning the group.

“Ahn, this is Oz, Willow’s boyfriend, Buffy’s right here in front,” Xander introduced, pausing to take in the bleached blonde, leather clad man with his arm around Buffy. “I assume this is Spike,” he trailed off.

“Hi everyone! Well, you both make handsome couples. Good to have orgasm friends for everyone so there is no petty jealousy,” Anya finished brightly, her trademark bluntness clear to everyone meeting her for the first time. She tugged on Xander’s arm and settled across from Spike and Buffy, with a possessive hand still latched onto his thigh.

“So you’re Spike,” Xander started, eyes flitting over to Willow for confirmation.

“Yeah, mate, tha’s me. And you’re Xander then?” Spike started getting a bad vibe from the young man, but didn’t want to pursue it with Buffy around. Instead he reached across the open space, hand extended in greeting. Both Buffy and Willow sighed in relief when Xander complacently shook the blonde’s hand.

“Yep, I’m the Xand-man. Buffsters bestest bud,” he replied, bristling at Spike’s presence, even after the handshake.

“Xander, Buffy and I have been friends since the seventh grade. And Oz went to high school with us,” Willow interjected before Xander could stick his overly large foot in his mouth.

“I see… So you know all of my girl’s lil’ secrets then?” Spike gave Willow a conspiring wink.

“Hey! No bad mouthing Buffy! I was an angel,” Buffy pouted playfully at Willow.

“Yeah, cuz’ burning down the high school’s gym is such an angelic deed,” Xander piped up from the corner, rolling his eyes.

“What?” It was Spike’s turn to gasp at the newfound knowledge.

“It wasn’t really my fault, I was framed… I’m sure Snyder did it to get me,” Buffy looked down at her hands, face flaming. Buffy really didn’t want to get into all the gory details about that night. Suffice to say, she had no involvement in the incident, it was all one of her ex-boyfriends’, Pike, fault.

“You owe me an explanation later, missy,” Spike rumbled in her ear. Spike thought she was adorable and was more than a little intrigued what events could have led to a fire. Spotting his friend from across the room, he motioned Tara over.

“Hi, Spike,” the blonde girl smiled shyly when Spike stood to fold her into a quick and friendly hug, knowing she needed reassurance to face so many new people at one time.

“Hey, Glinda,” he turned her to face Buffy, “This is my girl, Buffy. An’ her mates, Red, Oz, Anya, and Xander.”

“Hi,” Tara said shyly with a small wave, making her way to sit between Spike and Willow.

“Glinda, that’s a great name!” Willow gushed immediately as Tara sat down.

“Um, n-no. My na-name is T-Tara,” she stuttered, embarrassed by the attention.

“I jus’ call her Glinda cuz she’s like the good witch. Never met a sweeter bird,” Spike supplied, turning quickly to appease Buffy with a warm kiss, pulling her closer.

“We’re in the same poetry class, aren’t we?” Buffy asked, noting how shy Tara was, and hoping she could help her feel more comfortable within the group.

“W-with Linda Potts? I-I think I’ve seen you in class,” Tara smiled at Buffy. Spike had done nothing but sing her praises since he met Buffy and her sister, so Tara was excited to finally have a chance to speak to her herself. If she had interests which leaned toward the male population, she might have been jealous of the petite blonde. Spike had been an amazing friend to her and they often had lunch together at the mall.

“Yep, that’s the one! We should totally sit together. And study together, I’m completely useless,” Buffy said.

“Not useless, pet. Jus’ challenged,” Spike said with a cheeky grin and a wink at Tara.

“Buff’s not challenged, man. She’s got a lot on her plate,” Xander decided to pipe in.

“He didn’t mean it, Xander,” Buffy was shocked at Xander’s behavior, not expecting this level of jealousy. “He’s just commenting on his own tutoring ability.”

“Xander, dance with me now,” Anya practically pulled Xander away and onto the dance floor, no doubt in for a tongue lashing from a very irate girlfriend.

“Sounds like a good idea, luv. Care for a dance?” Spike asked, taking Buffy’s hand and leading her toward the floor at her nod.

When they stepped onto the dance floor, the music blaring through the speakers had a quick beat and they enjoyed moving to the fast rhythm for a couple of tracks. When the band playing for the night got back on stage though, the music slowed down allowing Buffy to enjoy the feel of Spike’s strong arms around her. There was no need for words as he slipped his arms around her back and pulled her against his strong torso. Buffy let the slow music take over her movements and fill her senses with all things Spike as they swayed together.

Spike loved the feel of Buffy’s soft, yet lean, body pressed intimately against him. He felt his body stir in response to her nearness and reined in his ardor as much as he could. In the two months they’d been together, they still hadn’t well, been together in all senses of the phrase. Dawn was almost always with Buffy these days, too afraid to leave her for too long in case she disappeared like their parents. Though Spike didn’t blame the girl for a second, it was certainly frustrating to be prevented from something they both desperately wanted.

Buffy’s thoughts mirrored Spike’s as she felt her own stirrings of arousal. If the situation had been different, they would have had plenty of crazy monkey sex by now. But, she reminded herself, the situation was as it was, and there was no changing it for the moment. In a couple of weeks though, Dawn would be staying with Janice for the first time since her mother’s passing, which would be a big step for her. And perhaps for Buffy as well.

She felt the tension that had knotted into her back relax as she danced with Spike, allowing him to lead her through whatever steps came next, both on the dance floor and in life.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


A few hours of dancing and conversation later left Buffy feeling happier and more relaxed than she had been in weeks. After Xander’s initial spiteful remarks, it appeared that Anya had given him a stern talking to. He was pleasant the rest of the night, even going as far as challenging Spike to a game of pool. Xander lost, but was gracious enough to buy everyone a round of drinks. All in all the evening had served its purpose, allowing Buffy to spend some quality time with her friends in an adult environment.

Giles had offered to take care of Dawn for the evening and was waiting in the living room of the Summers’ residence when the couple came home. He offered a quick goodnight to Buffy, assuring her that all had gone well with Dawn, but that he was well past his bedtime.

“So did you have fun, kitten?” Spike pulled Buffy closer as soon as the door clicked shut behind his father’s retreating back. He buried his face in Buffy’s throat, inhaling her scent, his breath sending shivers up and down her spine.

“Yeah, definitely with the fun having,” she murmured her reply, caught up in his intimate attention. She tugged lightly at his curls, bringing his lips up to meet hers and claiming a passionate kiss. Both were so caught up in the moment that they didn’t hear the soft footsteps padding down the stairs.

“Are you two kissing?” Dawn’s sleepy voice startled Buffy at its proximity. When she opened her eyes and glanced down beside her, it was to find her little sister, teddy bear in arms, staring up at them, nose wrinkled in disgust. “That’s gross!”

Spike chuckled, partially due to frustration at the moment being interrupted. “’S not gross, nibblet,” he said kneeling down next to her. Dawn shrugged her shoulders and yawned widely. “What are you doin’ up, kiddo?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I had those bad dreams again an’ I need to sleep with Buffy,” Dawn’s eyes started to glisten, but no tears fell. Buffy was well aware that she was dreaming about being left alone. Dawn had told her a few nights earlier that she was scared that Buffy would leave her all alone and go join Mommy and Daddy in Heaven. Though Buffy had tried to reassure her she wasn’t going to leave her, Dawn hadn’t really been able to sleep alone since.

“Well I’ll be up in a minute, sweetheart, I just have to say goodnight to Spike and get ready for bed,” Buffy said, stroking the top of her sister’s head.

“Can Spike wait with me while you get ready?” Dawn asked, stealing a glance at Spike. He shrugged, allowing Buffy to make the decision. Sighing Buffy nodded and lead the way up the stairs, leaving Spike and Dawn to go in and get settled in her bedroom.

After quickly scrubbing her face and brushing her teeth, Buffy changed into her pajamas and headed back to her room. She heard the low timbre of Spike’s voice as he read to Dawn before she opened the door and slipped inside. Smiling, she took in the scene before her. Spike hadn’t bothered to remove his leather jacket and lay in bed beside Dawn. The black of his attire sharply contrasting with the soft pink hues of her bedroom, and seeing the Disney Princesses’ book opened on his lap while Dawn snuggled on his shoulder clutching Mr. Gordo was almost too much for Buffy. She couldn’t help the soft giggle that erupted from her.

“You two look so adorable!” Buffy cooed as she walked up to the bed, giving Spike’s head a soft pat for good measure. Dawn looked up at her, annoyed at story time being interrupted, but soon snuggled back against Spike’s shoulder, too tired to put up a fight.

“Sure do, pet, as do you,” Spike took in the light blue pajamas with small bits of fish all over it.

“Like my yummy sushi pajamas?” Buffy asked cheekily.

“Would like to see it off you,” he whispered, noting Dawn had nodded off, full leer firmly in place. Buffy smiled at him and watched as he gently extracted himself from underneath the sleeping child. He pointed toward the door and the two adults crept out of the room and back downstairs.

“I guess I better be on my merry way,” Spike pulled Buffy close for a soft kiss.

“Yeah, you better,” Buffy smiled up at him before stealing another deeper kiss. Before they could find themselves in another compromising position though, Buffy pushed Spike gently toward the door and out into the night. With a final kiss, the couple parted over whispered goodnights, leaving Buffy to lock up and join her sister in her bed.

Chapter 13 – The Social Worker of Death





Buffy was busy organizing snacks in the kitchen. She had a midterm coming up in English so had invited Tara over for a study session. She wasn’t necessarily nervous about the upcoming exam, but she was getting to know Tara and studying provided a chance for them to spend some time outside of campus together. Buffy really liked her and was quickly understanding Spike’s friendship with her.

There was a sharp rap on the front door causing Buffy to frown. It was at least an hour before Tara was supposed to arrive and Dawn was at kindergarten all morning, and she would go straight over to Janice’s afterwards for her sleepover. Shaking her head, she made her way quickly to open the front door.

The opened door revealed a very short, seeing as she was shorter than Buffy herself, middle aged woman with brown hair and mousy features.

“Miss Summers, I presume?” The woman pointed to the clip-on name tag attached to the front of her sweater and continued, “Mary Stevens. I’m from social services. I’m assigned to Dawn Summers’ case.”

“Oh h-hi, Mrs. Stevens,” Buffy stammered.

“It’s Miss. Care to step aside so I can complete my inspection?” The social worker pushed by Buffy who was still too surprised to really register what was happening. The mousy woman proceeded to make rapid notes on her clipboard, completely ignoring Buffy. Buffy closed the front door and followed the woman into the dining room.

“Where is Dawn now, Ms. Summers?” Ms. Stevens asked with a pointed look at Buffy.

“Oh, she’s at kindergarten at the moment. Then she has been invited to spend the night at her friend Janice’s house,” Buffy nervously answered.

The social worker scribbled furiously. “Please direct me to her bedroom, I need to finish my inspection and then we will sit down and go through your options.”

“Options?” Buffy asked but only received an annoyed look for response. She motioned the woman to follow her and proceeded to show her Dawn’s bedroom. After more scribbling, they made their way into the kitchen where she promptly opened the refrigerator and pantry, harrumphing when she noted the lack of food.

“W-we are going grocery shopping tomorrow. I-it’s kinda a sister shopping day complete with ice creamy goodness,” Buffy explained, facing the woman across the island counter.

“Ms. Summers, though I am certain that you’re telling me the truth, there are more pressing concerns than the state of your pantry at the moment. Though it certainly doesn’t make me feel any more secure concerning your sister’s welfare.” The woman proceeded to remove a manila folder from her bag. “I have gone through your financial files and have noticed that your situation is far from ideal.”

“W-we’re fixing that, I promise,” Buffy pressed with a hint of desperation in her tone. “We’re looking for an apartment so we can rent this house out. The ad is going in the paper next week.”

“Are you certain that it is in your sister’s best interests to move her in such a fragile state? Are you even aware that she has been withdrawing at school? Her teacher has shown concern about it recently,” the woman glared at her patronizingly.

“N-no, she hasn’t talked to me a-about that,” Buffy stuttered. She had no idea why this woman was attacking her. She was doing the best she could. “And Dawn is actually excited about moving into a smaller place. We have been looking at apartments recently so she is involved in the whole process.”

“Hmm, well, I doubt that she is as happy as she is letting on. Really, Ms. Summers, do you truly think you have what it takes to raise your sister?” The woman looked at her coldly.

“W-what? I can raise her just fine,” Buffy was shocked and angered at the accusations this woman was sending her way. She hadn’t even been given a chance to explain before another reason she was a horrible sister was sent her way.

“We’ll see about that. I need to keep Dawn’s best interests in mind here, you should at least acknowledge that and be open to the idea that perhaps it is better for her to have a more stable environment. Frankly, Ms. Summers, I’m not sure you’re mothering material. I have reviewed your school files and records and am only trying to do what is fair for Dawn. Now, I will return in a couple of weeks to review the living standards. I expect to see some drastic changes and hopefully a more suitable environment for a child.” Buffy was so shocked that she couldn’t say anything; she mutely showed the woman to the door and nearly slammed it shut when she barely got a curt nod as a goodbye.

Buffy walked on autopilot to the sofa, sinking down with her head between her hands, tears spilling forward silently. She wasn’t mothering material? How would that bitch even know? She didn’t even get a chance to speak to her, show her that she wasn’t a high school screw up anymore. How dare she! She didn’t believe for a second that Dawn was withdrawing any more than was normal for a little girl who had just lost both parents. Maybe she should have taken her to the child psychologist, but Dawn had been so adamant against it. Buffy couldn’t do anything but cry softly, her shoulders shaking, feeling completely and utterly lost.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tara walked up the path to Buffy’s front door and knocked gently. When Buffy didn’t answer right away, she tried the doorknob, finding it open. Buffy had told her she sometimes didn’t hear knocking in the kitchen and to just let herself in.

“H-hello? B-Buffy?” Tara called softly. When she walked further into the hall, the door clicking softly closed behind her, she heard the muffled sobs. Turning toward the noise, she saw Buffy, oblivious to Tara’s entrance, crying into her hands.

“Buffy? What’s wrong?” Tara kneeled down in front of her, reaching out slowly to touch her shoulder.

“T-Tara?” Buffy looked up with red rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. She had no idea how long she had been crying, nor had she noticed Tara’s arrival.

“Oh Buffy, what happened? Is Dawn okay? Why are you crying?” Tara softly murmured her questions, searching Buffy’s eyes for a response.

“I’m not m-mothering m-m-material,” Buffy chocked out, fresh sobs wracking her small frame. Tara’s own comforting nature took over and she settled down beside Buffy and pulled her into a hug. They didn’t know each other that well yet, but Tara couldn’t resist someone in such obvious pain.

“Who said you’re not m-mothering material?” Tara asked, dumbfounded that anyone would make such an accusation. She’d seen Buffy and Dawn together only once before, but it was so obvious that the sisters cared for each other and that Buffy had easily slipped into a mothering role. Her whole aura glowed with compassion and love; it was hard to imagine someone not seeing that.

“The evil social w-worker of death. She was here on a s-surprise visit. Told me I wasn’t good enough to take care of Dawn,” Buffy’s sobs were quieting with Tara’s soothing presence, but it was still difficult to form full sentences.

“Oh Buffy, I can’t believe that. She has to reconsider. Maybe you can challenge them,” Tara offered, not sure of what to say in the situation.

“I don’t know,” Buffy said quietly.

“Or, I-I could hex them,” Tara smiled in a bold display of humor. “I may not be too good for the aura, but maybe this would be worth it.”

Buffy smiled, “Can you make her think she’s going crazy? Turn me invisible so I can make her think she’s insane? That could work…”

Tara laughed softly, even if her heart was breaking for Buffy. Spike had told her about the financial issues and that the sisters had to leave their house behind, Tara couldn’t believe there would be even tougher times ahead. She wasn’t even sure why the social worker hadn’t even given Buffy a chance to explain herself, which certainly wasn’t anything within Dawn’s best interests.

“I’m sure it could, sweetie,” Tara replied to Buffy’s hopeful look. “But maybe you should talk to someone who knows how to d-deal with her on a m-more professional level.”

“Well, there’s Giles I guess,” Buffy sucked in her lower lip in thought. “But I’ve already asked him for help so much I don’t know if I can do it again.”

“I don’t think he minds, Buffy. He’s always talking about you and Dawn,” Tara interjected quietly.

“I know. But how does that make me an adult? I can’t even take care of my own problems with the social worker! I have to run off to another adult for help,” Buffy was getting agitated due to frustration and self-doubt.

“Would you rather lose Dawn?” Tara said. Buffy’s eyes shot over to meet Tara’s, turbulent emotions swirling in the emerald depths. “I-I m-mean it’s j-just as s-strong to a-ask for help w-when you n-need it.”

Buffy noted how nervous Tara had become, probably due to not wanting to overstep any bounds. She was always treading so carefully.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Buffy said, affectionately squeezing her hand. “You’re right,” she continued, sighing deeply. “I need to ask Giles for help again. I can’t be stubborn and proud when it comes to this.”

Tara smiled and nodded at Buffy in her usual calm fashion.

“Thanks Tara, for everything.” Buffy held Tara’s gaze. “You’re a great friend and I’m so happy Spike introduced us,” she finished with a brilliant smile.

Tara blushed furiously, not used to anyone appreciating her, let alone calling her a friend. “You’re a great friend too Buffy. A-and if you ever need anything then just tell me, okay?”

“Yeah, same for you missy! And we should totally have a girl’s night with Wills and Anya soon. It would be a fun filled night with plenty of girl talk and popcorny goodness.” Buffy smiled widely at Tara, relieved to have someone else in her life she felt she could unload to.

“Sounds good,” Tara replied with a similar smile. She reached toward her book bag and pulled out her notes, “Wanna start studying?”

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, reaching for her own books. Buffy knew she could instate a plan of attack against the purely evil social worker.

Chapter 14 – Consolation



Tara had left half an hour ago. Though the study session had started so badly, they ended up going through quite a lot of material. Buffy loved the poetry class and having Tara there now to talk to only made it that much better. They had studied for their upcoming quiz on the Romantic poets which was in a couple more days. Buffy may enjoy the poetry of that era, but she swore that if she never saw another Wordsworth poem ever again, it would still be too soon.

Buffy picked up the remains of their study snacks and wandered into the kitchen. She had about an hour before Spike was due to come over for their weekly Friday night movie fest. She was getting butterflies in her stomach just thinking about it seeing as it would really be the first night they spent alone in the house without Dawn nearby.

Anya had stopped by with Xander before the dreaded demon social worker incident, and as soon as Buffy declined their invitation to a night on the town, Anya’s face had lit up with a knowing look.

“Shush, Xander. Buffy wants to have orgasms with Spike tonight. First time too I bet,” she’d winked at Buffy, not fazed by her lack of propriety. “She’s like the mice,” Anya continued.

“The mice?” Buffy asked, confused.

“Yes, the mice. They play when the cat leaves. Dawn is the cat,” she had answered, rolling her eyes as if the answer had been perfectly obvious.

Buffy giggled in response and Xander, as usual, looked horrified. “Maybe,” Buffy had confirmed with a small smile.

“I like Spike, he’s small but compactly muscled,” Xander chose the moment to pipe up. Buffy raised a questioning eyebrow, as much for the comment as for the sudden change in his attitude toward her boyfriend.

“What? It’s nice to have more testosterone around the place,” Xander said as way of explanation.

“And it may stop people from thinking you like men with comments like that,” Anya teased. Her eyes lit up and she continued, “But we can always try that, too. With a man I mean. Although I would have guessed you wanted two girls, most men do…” her inquiry was cut short when Xander quickly placed his hand over her mouth.

“That’s enough, Ahn, I’m sure Buffy has other, non-creepy things to do and think about.”

“Yeah, like make sure she’s ready for a sweaty sex-fest tonight,” Anya supplied when she was free to talk again. Her comment earned another deep blush from Xander and a low giggle from Buffy.

The couple had left shortly after the turn in conversation and Buffy had dealt with the events that followed. She smiled to herself as she climbed the stairs to shower and primp for the night. She would definitely make sure to set out some candles and use plenty of her favorite vanilla body wash.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike arrived exactly thirty minutes after Buffy finished her shower.

“’Lo, love,” he said when she opened the door, leaning in to steal a welcoming kiss.

“Hey you, ready for a movie?” Buffy said perkily, trying to hide her nervousness.

“Sure, pet. Where’s nibs?”

“She’s, uh, spending the night at Janice’s. I promised we’d make up movie night to her tomorrow,” she said, watching him through lowered eyelashes.

“Oh, really?” Spike’s eyes took on a meaningful gleam and he moved closer to her. “So you’re tellin’ me we’ve got this whole house to ourselves all night long? Whatever shall we do?” Spike pulled her body in close to his own and Buffy could feel her heart racing as she looked up at him.

“I, uh, have something to tell you,” Buffy stammered before he had a chance to kiss her senseless and make her forget.

“Hmm?” he made the questioning sound while running a hand through her hair, looking at her as if deciding what part of her to devour first. “What’s going on in that pretty li’l head of yours? Nervous?” He leaned down to rain small kisses and nibble down the column of her neck.

“Y-yes. I mean… no,” she started. She took a deep breath and tried again. “Nervous? Yes, a little, but I really have something serious to tell you first.”

Spike instantly sobered and looked up at her, but didn’t let her go. When she indicated that he should follow her to the sofa in the living room, he followed her.

“A social worker stopped by today to talk to me about Dawn,” Buffy started, focusing her gaze on their interlocked hands. “Let’s just say she wasn’t the nicest woman I’ve ever met…” Buffy related the events of the afternoon visit with the social worker in full detail. She made allowances for Spikes interspersed outbursts and occasional growls.

“Who the bleedin’ hell does she think she is tellin’ ya that yer not motherin’ material!” Spike nearly shouted at the end of the tale. “You’re the sweetest, most accomodatin’ sister I’ve ever seen. No one dotes more on the bit than you.”

Buffy looked up at him, humor coloring her expression.

“Alright, me an’ Da do, too, but Buffy,” he looked deeply into her troubled eyes. “You know what she’s sayin’ is a load of rot, right? Sounds like a right stupid bint who ought to find some other way o’ terrorizin’ people.”

“I don’t know what a bint is, but I assume it’s bad, so I agree,” Buffy smiled softly, hoping to reassure him. The regression of his accent into cockney slang and the tension in his body was a sure sign he would rather be throwing things around the place or ripping someone’s throat out to deal with his emotions than remaining calm. “It’s okay. I’ll find some way to talk to her again. Set up an appointment and speak to her. Maybe when we’ve got some more information on where we’re moving and what our income will be like.”

“’S not the point, love,” Spike admired her strength in light of the situation and wished that he could do something more than just comfort her. “Jus’ please tell me you don’ believe what she said.”

Buffy ducked her head, the tears she’d been holding back threatening to fall again. “N-no, not really. But what if she’s right? I haven’t been taking care of Dawn that long and what if none of this works out? What if they take her away from me? I don’t know what I would do. She’s all the family I have left now.”

Spike felt his rage rise again at the sorry excuse for a human being that caused Buffy to doubt herself. “She’s not right, sweetheart. You’ll do a’right, more than a’right. You got me an’ Da, you’re goin’ to look at places with Willow tomorrow. Someone’s already lookin’ at renting the house. And no one will take Dawn away from you, I won’t let ‘em.” He pulled her into his arms and held her close as they both contemplated what the future held for the two girls.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After Buffy’s admission of the afternoon’s events, the couple had settled in with some take-out that Spike had brought with him and watched a cheesy romantic comedy. Spike had been a pushover when Buffy demanded some light fluff to make her happy. They had cuddled on the sofa as on many previous occasions, but as the credits started rolling, the butterflies in Buffy’s stomach had returned with a vengeance. She’d had sex before. Angel was her first in high school, but he’d broken up with her shortly after. He had claimed it was because they shouldn’t hold each other back doing the long-distance thing, but Buffy had seen him with Harmony Kendall only a week after. Then there was Parker, the college rebound guy, but that hadn’t worked out. She was still getting over Angel at the time so it had just been a whole big mess.

Like Buffy, Spike was having his own internal dialogue about his past experiences. He was pretty sure he was falling for Buffy and knew that after tonight nothing would make him stay away from her. Spike did worry however, that there was so much going on in her life that she may not be ready for him to tell her that. He was always the guy who fell fast and hard and loved deeper and truer than any guy he’d ever spoken to. Spike just hoped that wouldn’t scare her away.

The DVD returned to the menu screen and Buffy shifted from her spot on Spike’s chest to look up at him. No words were necessary or spoken as he leaned in for a breath-stealing kiss that left Buffy feeling like putty in his hands. Or some sort of yummy, gooey substance. She snaked her arms up around his neck as he continued to deepen the kiss. Spike pulled her fully onto his lap and started running his hands up and down her sides, ghosting over the sides of her breasts. The feather-light touches caused Buffy to shiver in anticipation, and she dared to let one of her hands begin exploring the hard planes of his chest.

“Care to move this upstairs, love?” Spike murmured against her throat when they finally broke apart, both catching a much needed breath.

“Yeah, definitely,” Buffy smiled softly when his eyes darkened with desire. She disentangled herself from his arms and led him up the stairs and into her bedroom. He’d been there before, but this time it felt so much more nerve wrecking for her. Buffy turned and faced him, watching him as he took in her room as if it were the first time he’d seen it.

Spike noticed Buffy’s anxiety and slowly moved toward her again and kissed her softly on the lips. “We don’ have to do anything you’re not ready for, kitten.”

Smiling, Buffy reached up to capture his lips in her own passionate kiss. Those words were all she needed to realize she was doing the right thing, allowing him into this part of her life. Her hands started roaming freely over his upper body, skimming over his chest and abs, teasing at the hem of his t-shirt. When she finally slipped her warm hands beneath it, he moaned into her mouth and crushed her against him.

As soon as Buffy’s hands touched his bare skin, Spike lost all power to resist, not that he ever wanted to, anyway. He pulled her against him and explored her body anew with his hands. He made quick work of removing both his t-shirt and her top, desperate for the feel of skin against skin. He tore his lips from hers and brought them down along her neck and collarbone, his hands finding her soft breasts, still trapped in a lacy bra. Tweaking one of her nipples into hardness with his right hand, the left made quick work of unhooking her bra from behind.

Spike’s gasp when he finally removed her bra made Buffy’s eyes open, worried about his reaction to her less than ample chest. Seeing his pupils dilate and his eyes darken further assured her of his approval. She watched as he lowered his head to suckle on of her breasts while his other hand kept caressing the other. Buffy wasn’t conscious of moving backwards toward her bed until her knees hit the edge, momentum causing them to topple onto it.

Spike wanted to spend hours worshipping her body and couldn’t get enough of seeing her golden skin on top of the pink covers. He glanced up seeking approval as he unfastened her jeans and pulled both pants and panties down in one movement, revealing all of his golden goddess to him.

“Beautiful,” he gasped when he was able to take her all in before him. Buffy blushed deeply at his obvious perusal of her body, not used to such attention.

“Umm, isn’t it your turn to undress?’ She asked him, pointing at his jeans and boots when he had watched her for long silent moments. Spike leered at her in response and quickly shed his remaining clothing. Buffy could only look on in awe as he stood before her in all his naked glory. He looked like a marble statue. She let her eyes travel down his torso, taking in the well-muscled torso she had only guessed at earlier. She blushed deeply again when her eyes stopped on his erect cock, standing proudly against a nest of dark curls.

“You’re not half-bad yourself, mister,” Buffy teased as he prowled up her body like a panther.

“Tha’s all you can say? Not half-bad?” Spike rumbled against her.

Buffy giggled at his reproach, pinching him on the ass. “Well, as I’ve said before, you don’t need any more ego inflation. You know how hot you are.”

“Do I now?” Spike looked up at her, tongue tucked behind his teeth. “Not half as hot as you, though.”

Buffy blushed at the obvious compliment and tried to hide her embarrassment by pulling him down for a long kiss. Spike broke it before long, looking deeply into her eyes before kissing a path down her torso, pausing to lavish attention at her breasts.

“Need to taste you, pet,” Spike smiled up at her from his perch between her legs, licking his lips in anticipation. Buffy couldn’t speak as she watched him lower his head toward her wet center. The first lick from his talented tongue had her squirming on the bed. Spike put one hand on her stomach to hold her in place while using the other to insert a finger into her. As he started fingering her slowly with one hand, he used lips and tongue to stimulate her clit. Buffy was moaning softly at the sensations which she had never experienced before, feeling as if her body was coming alive for the first time.

Spike was amazed at how responsive Buffy was to his touch. His fingers were drenched with her sweet juices and it didn’t take more than a few licks and sucks to produce a fresh gush of heat. Before long, Buffy’s body was quacking and shivering on the brink of release and Spike raised his eyes to watch her face as he brought her over the first time, moaning his name.

Spike carefully withdrew his fingers out of her pussy, placing a soft kiss on her mound before picking his jeans from the floor and taking a condom out of his wallet, putting it on before crawling back up her body and settling between her thighs. The head of his cock nudged against her opening and he waited for Buffy to open her eyes.

“That was amazing,” Buffy said as she locked eyes with Spike, her body still tingling from her orgasm.

“Yeah, it was. Bloody amazin’,” Spike admitted as he leaned in for a tender kiss, cock straining to enter into the welcoming heat. Buffy deepened the kiss and squirmed beneath him, desperate to feel him inside of her. Spike started to slowly sheathe himself into her wet heat, moving deeper inch by inch.

“Christ, you’re so hot n’ tight, love,” Spike whispered when he was fully seated inside of her. Buffy was amazed at how full she felt, stretched to the limit in the most delicious way. She didn’t think it could feel any better until he started moving within her. Slowly she met him thrust for thrust as he hit the sensitive bundle of nerves inside her, causing her belly to tighten in anticipation a second time. Spike increased speed and she felt the pressure building until sensation exploded as her second orgasm ripped through her with mind-blowing intensity.

Spike couldn’t believe how good she felt wrapped tightly around his cock. It felt like a perfectly fitted glove as he thrust inside her. When the first fluttering of her muscles signaled her nearing orgasm, he changed angle slightly to increase friction for her. Buffy cried out her orgasm and Spike felt her muscles clamp down hard around him, bringing him over the edge, Buffy’s name on his lips.

Both lovers lay panting in the wake of the intense experience, content at the feel of the other in their arms. Spike raised his head and dropped a chaste kiss onto the tip of Buffy’s nose before rolling onto his back, disposing of the condom and then tucking Buffy in beside him.

“You’re bloody fantastic, love,” Spike murmured after settling. “Absolutely fuckin’ amazin’. And you bloody well better not tell me that was half bad,” he finished in a playful growl.

“Nah, way better than half-bad,” Buffy replied smiling. “Perhaps even ‘bloody fantastic’,” she finished with a bad imitation of his accent.

Spike chuckled and pulled her close as she yawned widely. His heart was screaming at her to tell her how he felt, that she was in him forever now. But the rational part of him knew it may be too much for her to handle. As he felt her breathing even out, and felt himself about to join her in sleep, his heart won out and he whispered a soft “I love you, Buffy.”

Chapter 15 – Apartment Hunting





“Is this the last one, Buffy?” Dawn complained pulling on her sister’s hand. They had been looking for apartments for the last two weeks and had been to four this morning alone. Dawn was getting tired and bored. She liked spending time with Willow and she understood that they were looking for a new house to live in, but it was tiring and she wanted to go over and play with Spike and Giles like Buffy had promised her they would.

“Yes, sweetheart. This is the last one, I promise,” Buffy replied, leaning down to pick Dawn up. Dawn had been a little trooper when it came to apartment hunting. They had looked at so many places at this point that Buffy prayed this would finally be the one that suited them. It was a place about a block away from the Giles’ apartment, which would be good in case they needed anything, and it was on the bottom floor which meant they would have a bit of a backyard for Dawn to play in.

“This is the one, Buffy. I can feel it in my bones,” Willow smiled brightly at the sisters as they knocked on the door. Willow was tired as well, but the place needed to be perfect. Buffy and Dawn were giving up a house to move into somewhere smaller, so it still needed to have that homey feel to it.

They were greeted by a perky real estate agent who smiled widely at them and opened the door with a flourish. “This is the perfect place for you, girls. Lots of room, a backyard for your daughter, and it just came on the market. It hasn’t even been announced yet, but when I got wind of it, I just had to let you know.”

Karen was responsible for renting the Summers’ home and had been taken with the girls right away. She was a little spacey and insisted on believing that Dawn was actually Buffy’s child, not her sister, but she had a good heart. She had snatched the only set of keys to the apartment this morning, knowing it would be what they were looking for.

“Come on in, have a look and let me know what you think!” she said, preceding them into the spacious kitchen.

Buffy set Dawn down on her feet and glanced over at Willow. Maybe there was something to these hunches her best friend had. The place was beautiful. A large kitchen with a breakfast bar which reminded her of their house in Revello Drive, a huge living slash dining room area which had beautiful French doors that opened onto a small deck and back yard. They explored the master bedroom which also opened onto the deck and yard with a beautifully kept ensuite. There were two more rooms, one which Dawn could use as her bedroom, and a slightly smaller room which could be used as an office where both girls could study. Dawn would have to wait a few years before she made real use of an office, but it would suit their needs perfectly. If they put in the futon as a sitting area, it would serve as a guest room as well.

Dawn wandered around through the rooms, exploring as only a child could. She chattered about where she could put her things and where Buffy could put hers.

“It’s really beautiful, isn’t it, Wills?” Buffy said after they had toured the apartment.

“Yeah, it is. Perfect, just like I said,” Willow replied with a cheeky smile.

“You’re awfully perky today, Willow. No more sad-just-broken-up-girl?” Buffy asked softly so Dawn wouldn’t overhear. Willow and Oz had broken up a couple of weeks earlier, soon after their last night out at the Bronze. His band had gotten a record contract and needed to move to New York but Willow needed to stay to finish school. It seemed they had both agreed breaking up was the right choice, and if they ever found their ways back to each other it would be because it was meant to be.

“Yep. That was the old Willow. Now I’m the happy-to-be-single-again Willow. It was just time really. A-and it’s not like we’re not friends. Besides, I’ll always be the number one Dingoes fan,” Willow finished with a sad little smile.

“Are you sure?” Buffy turned to look at her best friend thoroughly. “I mean you were all ga-ga over each other for a long time. Not that I’m trying to stop the healing process, I just want to make sure you’re really happy.” Buffy watched Willow closely as she waited for her to reply, but found no trace of the depressed version from last week’s girls’ night cry-fest.

“Yep. All good. Besides, I’ve been spending some time with Tara. She’s really sweet,” Willow reassured Buffy. Willow had in fact been spending a lot of time with Tara and wasn’t sure it was just a friendship she was looking for. Maybe that was why the transition into an Oz-free existence had been easier than she’d thought.

“Okay. I trust you. But if you ever need me, I’m all with the comforting. I’ve gotten enough of it lately and this should even the scales a bit,” Buffy said as she opened the door for Dawn so she could inspect the backyard.

“I know. But there are way more important things to talk about than my inexistent love life…” Willow started slyly when Dawn was out of hearing range. “How was the Dawn-free movie night with Spike? Was there smoochy goodness? Maybe even some yummy salty goodness?”

Buffy blushed deeply at Willow’s blunt comment. It wouldn’t do to remark on how similar to Anya she sounded, but Willow seemed to be picking up some of Xander’s girlfriend’s traits.

“There was definite salty goodness,” Buffy said, watching Dawn as she stood fascinated in front of a flowerbed filled with sunflowers.

“Oh! More than once?” Willow asked excitedly.

“Oh yeah. Definitely a good night and morning,” Buffy blushed and looked down at her shoes. “I think I may have heard something as I was falling asleep though, but I’m not sure.”

“Heard something? Not like a bad boy noise, the ‘I’m-already-too-comfortable’ kind?” Willow asked, wrinkling her nose in a playful gesture.

Laughing and shaking her head, Buffy replied, “No, I think he said that he loved me. He must have thought I was already asleep. I’m not sure though. I could have been dreaming.”

“Wow, Buffy. That’s big.” Willow’s eyes opened wide and she studied her friend’s face as she continued, “Did you ask him about it? Does he know the whole Angel story?”

“The one where I told him I loved him, slept with him, and he dumped me the following week?” Buffy asked rhetorically. “Sort of. Not in Technicolor detail, but he knows. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that right now. With Dawn and moving and school and now that ridiculous woman from social services, I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with love on top it all. Buffy in love has been so bad in the past.”

“But maybe he knows that?” Willow said. When Buffy raised an eyebrow as a reply she added, “That’s why he said it when he thought you were asleep. Because he knows you’re not ready.”

“Maybe,” Buffy sighed. She hadn’t thought about it that way before. Spike was more than understanding in all circumstances. Why wouldn’t he be in this case as well? She knew he could read her like an open book, but did that make it any easier for her?

“So what do you ladies think of the place?” Karen’s voice broke through Buffy’s muddled thoughts. “Ready to sign on the lil’ ol’ dotted line?”

Buffy shook herself out of her thoughts and turned to Karen, “Let’s ask the boss first, but I think we have a winner.”

“Buffy! Buffy! I wanna live here with the sunny flowers. Willow told me they turn to the sun an’ watch it every day! Please, can we stay here?” Dawn came running up to Buffy from where Willow had gone to fetch her at the edge of the garden.

“Well the boss approves,” Buffy said with a laugh and followed Karen into the kitchen of their new home to sign the lease.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An hour later Buffy and Dawn were knocking on the Giles’ front door, proud new renters of an amazing apartment. Dawn was squirming in excitement beside Buffy, as she usually was when they visited Spike and Giles. As soon as the front door cracked open, Dawn rushed into the apartment and threw her arms around Giles’ legs as way of greeting.

“Hi Giles!” Dawn squealed happily, all her pent up energy coming to the forefront after being on her best behaviour for the past four hours.

“Hello, Dawn,” Giles smiled down at her, attempting to move aside to let Buffy in, but finding himself stuck until Dawn let go. Which she did half a second later as soon as she spotted Spike coming down the stairs running towards him; who promptly threw her in the air and spun her around, eliciting an eruption of giggles.

“Hi Giles,” Buffy said more sedately than her sister did. When Giles moved aside to let her in, she walked up to Spike and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey sweetheart,” Spike greeted Buffy with a warm smile, holding Dawn in his arms. “So you find a place then?”

“Yah, we did!” Dawn said happily as the small group made their way into the living room. “An’ it has flowers that follow the sun even! Willow said she would help me make them happy. An’ I get my own room next to Buffy’s. An’ she gets her own bathroom!” Dawn rambled excitedly.

“Sounds right fine, it does,” Spike replied with a smile.

“It does sound rather nice,” Giles added looking to Buffy for further description that didn’t focus around the ‘flowers that followed the sun’.

“It’s really beautiful,” Buffy started, face alight in anticipation. “It has three bedrooms, a huge living/dining room, great kitchen, and a backyard that’s big enough for Dawn to play in. And the sunflowers of course. Dawn was quite taken with them.”

“Sounds perfect, love,” Spike said. “Where’s it at?”

“Jus’ up the street. I can visit you everyday,” Dawn said with a happy smile. Spike’s own smile nearly matched hers in joy and he shot Buffy a conspiring wink.

“Well it does indeed sound absolutely lovely. We can’t wait to see the place,” Giles said. He looked at the two girls standing before him and continued, “Now, we heard there’s a bit of an issue which has arisen since last time we spoke. Is that something you’d like to discuss with me now, Buffy? Spike can take Dawn out to look at his latest indulgence.” Giles shot his son a meaningful look, and it didn’t take Spike long to entice Dawn out to see his new toy.

“So you heard about the evil woman who came to see me then?” Buffy said feeling the weight of responsibility again. She was glad Giles had brought up the issue or she would have tried to avoid it as long as possible. And seeing as she had an upcoming appointment in the next few days, it was something she had to deal with right away.

“Yes, William informed me this morning and I have been most anxious to speak to you. You do know that she is not within her rights speaking to you in such a fashion, don’t you? And that you have more than enough time to present a working plan for your future income in regards to Dawn’s care. Also, have you inquired with her teacher recently about how she’s doing? Perhaps you could get her to write a letter stating her opinion for you that we could present to this woman’s supervisor, because by no means are we dealing with such a trollop again,” Giles was flushed by the time he finished his impassioned speech.

“Whoa, Giles! Slow down, you’re making my head spin,” Buffy grinned at the older man, touched because he’d already put so much thought into the matter. “I can answer all those very important questions, but first, what’s this ‘we’ business?”

“Well I shall be attending your meeting with you, of course,” Giles stated. “There is no reason why you should face off that dreadful woman on your own. I have some experience in these matters and I must say that my negotiation abilities are still top notch.”

Buffy smile grew wider; she was so relieved not to have to face the situation alone. When Giles indicated that they should sit down to discuss the matter further, she quickly complied. The discussion that followed allowed the two to work out a plan on how to approach the meeting as well as informed Buffy as to what information she would have to bring along to make her case. As Giles informed her, there was absolutely no reason for the Social Services to take Dawn away, especially if she appeared completely and professionally prepared. By the time the discussion was finished, Buffy saw the coming interview in a completely different light.

As Buffy and Giles were finishing up their conversation, Dawn burst in through the door, followed closely by Spike.

“Buffy! Guess what Spike has!” the five year old ran up to where Buffy was sitting and stopped right in front of her face. Her eyes were gleaming with excitement and her cheeks were flushed. Before Buffy even had a chance to ask she revealed, “A motorcycle! It’s like a bike that drives like a car. Is all black n’ shiny an’ it even has a beeper thingy like a car. It’s so cool!” she finished with a flourish, admiration shining clearly in her eyes as she shot a look at Spike.

“Wow, that is pretty cool, Dawnie,” Buffy glanced up at Spike for confirmation. At his nod, she looked back down at Dawn. “You know you’re probably too little to go for a ride, right?”

“Yeah, Spike told me that already,” Dawn said in a disappointed tone. “But he says when I’m older, I can ask you an’ then you’ll let me go. But only if I wear a helmet, an’ special boots, an’ special jackets, an’ special pants?” The last word came out as a question as she looked up at Spike to see if she had gotten the list of protection correct.

“Yeah, tha’s right, nibbles,” Spike smiled warmly at her. “But only if your sis says it’s okay.”

“Okay,” Dawn said, looking up at her sister with hopeful eyes. She was already starting with the puppy-dog eyes that Buffy would have sworn she inherited from Spike if she didn’t know better.

“We’ll see, Dawnie,” Buffy responded not wanting to make any firm promises on when yet. Spike’s astuteness on what was appropriate to tell the five year old still astounded her. No matter how worried she was about falling for Spike, she could acknowledge that he certainly knew her heart. She knew she was in deep, deep trouble.

Chapter 16 – Of Love and Politics





The sun glimmered in the warm late-spring sky as two figures left the social workers office. Buffy smiled up at the sky and did a happy twirl of relief.

“I can’t believe you said that, Giles!” Buffy giggled recalling the startled look on Ms. Stevens’ face when Giles had offered page after page of irrefutable proof of Buffy’s parenting aptitude. When the evil little woman had merely scoffed, he’d threatened to report her to her superiors for disrespectful behaviour and prejudice. That’s when the real fun had started.

“Well, Buffy, one thing you’ll learn as you get older is to not allow anyone, regardless of their supposed authority, take advantage of you,” Giles said gently, not wanting to lecture her. “You must always face these challenges head on, and be courteous… until they treat you differently. Then you can lay into them a bit.”

Buffy laughed at Giles’ wink, amazed at the tough man hidden below the high school librarian tweed. Giles had spoken to Ms. Stevens’ boss by the end of the interview and after having been presented with all the evidence in Buffy’s favor, Mr. Smith had been more than accommodating. It seemed the nightmare was over. At least in the realm of social workers and Dawn, this weekend was designated for moving out of the house and into their new apartment, so yet another hurdle to face.

“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done to help me,” Buffy smiled softly up at the older man. “I’ve had enough bumps now, I think I’m entitled to a bump-free Buffy move-a-polooza tomorrow.”

“As always, helping you is a pleasure. And William assures me you have more than enough help tomorrow,” Giles returned her smile. “The apartment is lovely, by the way.”

“I know; we’ll have to have you over for dinner when we’re all moved in. Keep up the tradition,” Buffy added.

“Indeed. Well, I best be off back to school. A high school librarian’s work is never done,” Giles finished in an odd burst of humor. “You’ll be alright making your own way?”

“Spike’s picking me up from The Espresso Pump in about fifteen minutes, so yeah, I’ll be fine,” Buffy said as she started veering towards the coffee shop. “Thanks again, it means the world to me.”

“Not a problem at all, Buffy. Just happy to help.” Giles smiled before getting into his old Citroen and heading off back to work.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy had grabbed a couple of coffees and a table outside in the warm air. She was waiting for Spike to arrive and her nerves were seemingly on fire. After her conversation with Willow at the new apartment, she had given the matter of love a lot of thought. She had written lists, talked to herself, and meditated on her whole relationship with Spike and each time the answer seemed to be the same. She was completely and utterly in love with him. He did everything for her and loved Dawn, regardless of the responsibility. He was everything she could have hoped for and more which had lead to the gift she held nervously in her hands.

Spike’s Christmas present to her had meant so much. She had read each and every poem in it more times than she could count. She had even gotten Spike to read his favorites to her. Buffy had indulged her newfound love for poetry by borrowing more poetry books from the library and making copies of them so she could read them over and over again. When she admitted she loved Spike she had compiled a book of poems for him, just as he had for her. On the first page, she had written simply, To the man who inspires me. I love you. Buffy.

Now all she had to do was wait and see how he would react.

As if on cue, Spike’s hands settled on her shoulders, shocking her out of her daydreaming.

“Didn’ mean ta scare ya, love,” Spike murmured in Buffy’s ear. He moved around to face her and steal a kiss from her lips. “This for me?” He asked with his patented smirk indicating the larger of the two take-away coffee mugs.

“Yeah,” Buffy said a little breathlessly as her boyfriend grabbed the extra coffee mug. She knew she’d have to give him the book soon, or she’d chicken out for sure. “How was work?”

“Fine,” Spike answered with an apprehensive look. Buffy was acting a little strange and he was worried something had gone wrong with the social worker this morning. “How was the hell bitch conference?”

“Oh, good,” Buffy tried to sound more excited, in an attempt to overcome her nerves. “Your dad was totally awesome. She didn’t stand a chance at all. We ended up speaking to the head guy and he totally supported us. So now I’m single-mom-slash-sister-Buffy again. No hassles girl.”

“Well tha’s great, pet. Congratulations,” Spike smiled indulgently, reaching across the small table to take her hand. That’s when he noticed the small present she held in her hands. “Who’s that for?”

“Um,” Buffy started, averting her eyes. Do it! Do it! Her inner pep voice cheered her on. Buffy slid the package across the table before she lost her nerve, “It’s for you.”

“Me?” Spike questioned, one eyebrow raised high. “What for?”

“Oh, just something I wanted you to have,” she blushed nervously, watching as his long fingers started unwrapping the small book. Buffy felt her blood roaring in her ears and her heart pounding in her chest. She was sure Spike could hear it and smell her fear.

Spike didn’t reply to her reasoning, he just shot her another puzzled look, but was curious over what had brought this on. As the wrapping paper fell away, it revealed a beautiful journal which appeared to already be written in. He opened the book in the middle by habit and saw Buffy’s delicate handwriting fill up the pages. He scanned the familiar words to one of his favorite Keats poems before smiling up at the woman in front of him.

“Did you write all this out, Buffy?” he asked, touched by the gift, knowing he had inspired her love of poetry.

She nodded before whispering, “Read the front.”

Spike flipped the front cover of the book open and was stunned at the few words written there. I love you. Buffy. Buffy loved him? His mind seemed blank except for the words floating around in it. The beautiful girl who had managed to fall into his life and turned it upside down in the best possible way loved him? He couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea, knowing he’d loved her from the moment he laid eyes on her. Buffy’s fidgeting caused him to come back to the present.

“You love me?” He needed to hear the words come from those ruby lips of hers. He held her nervous gaze with his own intense blue one.

“Yeah,” Buffy acknowledged quietly, voice wavering slightly due to nerves. “I love you, Spike.”

Spike sat stunned for another second, reveling in the softly spoken words before he pounced on her like a big cat. He crushed his lips to hers, pouring his heart into the kiss. Her initial tension gave way as he prodded her mouth open with his tongue to deepen the kiss, to make it more passionate. He pulled away from her when his lungs started burning for air and rested his forehead against hers. He looked deeply into her eyes, sensing her need for reassurance.

“Oh Buffy, I love you so much,” he said, holding her gaze before pulling her lips in closer for another soul wrenching kiss. When the couple pulled apart a second time, both panting, it was to a small smatter of applause and cheers. Apparently, they had drawn a crowd of onlookers, not surprising due to their proximity to the pedestrian-rich street.

Buffy flushed scarlet while Spike faced the crowd, leer firmly in place. He quickly pulled Buffy up, grabbed his coffee and the precious gift and led his girl away from the unwanted attention. Buffy gripped his hand like a life line and all Spike could do was smile. His girl loved him. It was more than he ever dreamed of. The couple made their way towards Buffy’s house to prepare the last of the boxes for the big move the next day.

Chapter 17 – Moving Day

The house was bustling with activity. Xander and Anya were busy packing cutlery and kitchenware into meticulously marked boxes. Willow was working with Tara in the living room amongst a giant pile of linens that hadn’t been packed yet. Spike and Giles were set to arrive within the hour with the U-hauls and start moving furniture from the house to the apartment. While Buffy was trying her best not to cry as she packed the last of her mother’s scattered knickknacks around the house.

Buffy could hardly believe this was the last day she would be living in her house. Realistically, she knew they may move back in here one day after she graduated from college and had a proper job. Dawn would have a proper house and yard to live and play in if they did. But she wasn’t so sure this was what she wanted. Maybe they both needed a fresh start after this and would end up selling the house. Maybe they would move somewhere else, somewhere with better schools for Dawn who was already showing signs of having a higher than normal intelligence.

“Kitchen’s all clear, Buffster!” Xander came through to the dining room carrying a couple of small boxes, followed closely by Anya. “Where do you need my expert hands next?”

Buffy offered him a smile, “Upstairs, if you want to start figuring out what to do with the beds and such. Dawn is getting my old one, and I’m taking Mom’s.”

“Sure thing,” Xander said as he moved on upstairs.

“Would you like me to help pack your valuables? I am very careful so I promise you won’t loose any money,” Anya asked Buffy as soon as Xander left.

“Nah, it’s pretty much packed here,” Buffy answered, smiling at Anya’s phrasing. “Just waiting for Giles and Spike to come with the trucks.” Buffy started toward the living room to check on Dawn and her ‘helping’ Willow and Tara pack.

Dawn was sitting on one of the sofa cushions directing the two women on where to put everything. It seemed her orders were overruled from time to time, though, as Willow didn’t always concede to the girl’s logic.

“But Willow!” Dawn argued in a whiney tone. “I wan’ a box I can carry!” Dawn was indicating that the current box, half the size of Dawn herself which only housed two tablecloths, was ready to be taped up.

“I know you do, honey,” Tara said softly, “Maybe you can help me carry all the pillows?”

Dawn cocked her head to the side, considering her options and Buffy smiled to herself thinking how much like Spike’s the gesture was.

“Okay, Tara,” Dawn agreed, hopping off the sofa before collecting various pillows to carry.

“How’s it all going in here?” Buffy asked, motioning to Dawn while her back was turned.

“Great,” Willow said with a glance at Tara. “We’ve packed most of it up. Basic necessities in these boxes with the blue marker, stuff you’ll need in about a week in the boxes with the red marker, and stuff that can wait in the green marked ones. Tara’s idea,” she finished, shooting the shy blonde a winning smile.

Tara smiled softly up at Buffy, “Got everything else packed?”

“Yup. I’m totally on top of it,” Buffy said and was interrupted of adding anything else by the arrival of the Giles’ in the moving trucks. Buffy was happy to see them come, but at the same time loathed to pack up the vehicles knowing it would be the last farewell.

“Hello, sweetness,” Spike came up and wrapped Buffy in a comforting hug as soon as he entered the house. He could see how strained she was from keeping her emotions in check for Dawn and her friends’ sakes.

“Hi,” Buffy replied, lifting her face to kiss him hello. Giles entered the house shortly after Spike and said quick hellos to the gathered people.

Xander came down the stairs, ready to talk strategy with the other male members of the moving crew. Buffy, Anya, Willow and Tara laughed as the discussion, or rather argument, of what pieces of furniture to move first began.

“Listen here, bleach boy,” Xander said in an irritated tone, “You have to move the beds in first, the sofas are too big.”

“Exactly why we should get rid of ‘em first,” Spike countered, less irritated than Xander.

“Though I don’t often say this, you are quite right, son,” Giles pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Helping young people was always a chore. “The sofas should go in first so we can pile in the rest around them. Now you two stop your bloody bickering and get moving.”

Giles’ frustrated tone seemed to launch the younger men into motion, quiet for the first time in the past ten minutes. Giles smiled, happy to have the matter settled and looked over at Buffy. The girl looked stressed and a little worn out, but immediately cracked a smile when the bickering of his son and Xander started up again. This time, how to best move the large sofa was the topic of debate.

“We’re gonna have to angle it, whelp,” Spike spat in frustration after trying in vain to hold his end of the sofa up any longer. “’S not gonna fit if we don’.”

“We’re still going to have to take the front door off. It’s too wide. Has all that bleach fried your brain cells?” Xander countered, setting down his end of the sofa as well. He maneuvered around the large object and pulled a measuring tape out of his tool belt.

“See, we’re off by about two inches,” Xander said more patiently. He liked being able to show Spike what he was talking about, he wasn’t a complete moron after all. Door frames and construction were part of his expertise. “If we just pop the front door off its hinges, we can open up the frame by at least four more. It’ll make moving everything else a lot smoother.”

Spike grudgingly agreed, much to the amusement of the women who hadn’t missed an opportunity to watch another show of male chauvinism. As the two set about the task of removing the door, the rest of the assembled helpers moved back to the task at hand.

“How are you holding up, Buffy?” Giles asked her softly when it seemed no one was listening in on the conversation any longer.

“Oh, as good as expected I suppose,” Buffy replied, not quite willing to go through her feelings in the middle of the chaos. “It’s sad to be leaving, but Dawn seems excited about the new place. It’s just a big adventure to her so far.”

“Well that is good news at least.”

“Yeah, it is. I’m sure once we’re settled in the new place it will be easier,” Buffy said before indicating that she had more work to do. Most of the boxes were packed but needed to be tagged according to which room they were to go into. There were a few boxes of junk and a couple of large pieces of furniture she was selling and getting rid of in one of the living room corners.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“C-could you pass m-me that m-marker?” Tara stuttered slightly, still unable to overcome her shyness completely. Especially around Willow.

“Sure,” Willow responded with a bright smile before passing the thick permanent marker. As she passed the pen, Willow’s hand touched Tara’s, sending a shivering tingle down her arm. Willow had found the last hours she had spent with Tara relaxing and extremely enjoyable. And that was saying a lot considering that moving was not so much of the top fun things to do.

“Thanks,” Tara whispered, holding Willow’s gaze for longer than normal.

“Whatcha doin’?” Dawn came bouncing into the room carrying one of the throw pillows from the sofa Spike and Xander had finally managed to get safely into one of the moving trucks.

After the door had been removed the pair had had no trouble getting the sofa through, and Willow thought she’d heard Spike mutter something about the wisdom of the decision.

“Just labeling the last few boxes, Dawnie,” Willow supplied, holding her arms open for a hug. Dawn scrambled over to Willow and settled on her lap. She’d had enough of moving, it wasn’t fun anymore.

“Oh,” Dawn replied, fingering the embroidery on the pillow. “Are you moving too?” The question seemed to be directed at Tara, but it was hard to tell because Dawn refused to look up.

“I’m not moving, sweetheart,” Willow started, hoping to direct the conversation somewhere else soon.

“Not you, silly! Glinda,” Dawn looked up, scrunching her nose at the silly notion that Willow was moving.

“M-me?” Tara asked softly, looking at Dawn with an amused smile. Spike had obviously been talking about her to Dawn.

“Yeah.”

“No, I’m not moving,” Tara answered carefully, not sure of where this train of thought was leading.

“Jus’ me an’ Buffy hafta move?” Dawn asked, face solemn.

“Yes, into a beautiful new house. Remember the flowers I was telling you about?” Willow answered for Tara.

“The sunny ones, yeah? Can you help me an’ Willow take care of them too?” Dawn looked up at Tara hopefully. “I asked Willyum to help but he told me no an’ not to call him that again.”

“Well that isn’t a very nice thing to say,” Willow frowned, wondering whom William was and how Dawn had met him. “That sounds like a nice name to have.”

“I thought so,” Dawn said with a frown before focusing on Tara again. “Will you help me too with the flowers?”

Tara smiled and nodded at the little girl who had a terrific ability to worm herself into anyone’s heart within in moments. She also had a sneaking suspicion she knew who William was and why he didn’t want to be called by his given name.

“I will, sweetie. And why don’t you tell William that I asked him to help too? I’m sure he’d love to help if you and Buffy made us all some lemonade and cookies. That way we could spend a whole day helping you with the sunflowers and have a picnic too,” Tara smiled mischievously at the girl. She never had problems stuttering around kids, their innocent smiles put her at ease instantly.

“Yeah? A picnic?” Dawn asked face aglow with hope.

“Sure,” Tara smiled brightly at Dawn, sensing she needed something good to look forward to at the new house. All these questions seemed to indicate her unease about living in a new place. “You, me, and Willow can plan the whole picnic out while we wait for Spike and Xander to tell us to move boxes, okay?”

Dawn nodded vigorously at Tara and turned her eyes to Willow who looked a little perplexed at being left out of the loop. Tara had certainly grown on Dawn in the few times she’d met the young girl. Even Tara knows who William is, Willow thought to herself. I’ll have to ask her later. Willow smiled down at the little girl in her lap, engrossing herself in the plans for the sunflower picnic they would soon be having at the new house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Five hours later found an exhausted group of friends spread over various surfaces in Buffy and Dawn’s new apartment.

“Next time you move Buff, call the professionals,” Xander lifted his head from Anya’s lap long enough to send his best friend a mock-glare.

“But she saved a lot of money this way. And I got to see you do lots of very manly lifting. That was much better than watching you dig,” Anya smiled down at the head on her lap.

Buffy giggled at Anya’s comment, too tired to move herself. She leaned further into Spike’s shoulder, moving back when her movement caused him to groan.

“Easy there, pet,” he smiled over at her, carefully shifting a sleeping Dawn around on his lap. “’m bloody well sore too.”

“Thank you.” Buffy grinned softly at him before extending her gaze to her assembled group of friends. “All of you. You guys were great. Next weekend when I finally have most of this stuff put away we’ll have a move in fiesta. As a big Buffy thank you to her wonderful friends.”

“Not a problem, Buffy,” Willow said with a yawn. “Oh, there’s something Tara and I should tell you too. Dawn is hosting a picnic soon. She was asking us for help with her sunflowers and Tara, Dawn and I got a little carried away.” She blushed prettily as she looked over at Tara.

“Yeah, Buffy,” Tara supplied. “We’ll catch you up on a-all the details.”

“Sure, sounds fun,” Buffy smiled at them before turning her attention back to her sleeping sister. Dawn was exhausted from all the excitement. She had ridden in the truck with Spike, Xander and Anya which had made a huge impression on her apparently. Dawn had played in the yard while the adults worked, reassuring Buffy she’d made the right choice by moving.

“Yeah, it will be, but I have to ask,” Willow started, “Who’s William? And why isn’t she allowed to call him by his name?”

“William?” Buffy asked, perplexed.

Spike had a sudden urge to study his shoelaces while Tara giggled, and Giles full out laughed.

“What?” Willow asked petulantly.

“Oh,” Buffy said, realizing whom her sister was referring to. Then it was her turn to join in the giggles before sobering and looking over at her boyfriend. “Spike’s name is William. Dawn was over at Janice’s house the other day and their neighbor just got a new puppy who they named Spike. She’s been complaining ever since and decided that she would rather call him William, but I’m not sure it’s been agreed to yet,” Buffy smiled at Spike when he blushed slightly, and ruffled his hair for added measure.

“Hey! I’m no soddin’ ponce. Don’ wan’ to be called William,” Spike muttered, shooting his still laughing father a deadly glare before looking down affectionately at the little bundle of trouble on his lap. As soon as the group had settled on the floor to eat the pizza Buffy had ordered, Dawn had decided to play Goldilocks in the sense that she tried out sitting in everyone’s lap before deciding who’s was the best. Spike was happier than he let on that she’d chosen his before allowing the long day to pull her off to sleep.

“I’m sure the little devil will win you over, honey,” Buffy teased gently, knowing that Dawn was bound to get anything she wanted from Spike in the end. If she asked for the moon and stars she was sure there would be a full on mission to get them for Dawn. It was both reassuring and frightening how well the two of them got on.

“Yeah, whatever, pet,” Spike looked up at her with a smile. “I’ve been known to fight the forces of evil and win before.”

Buffy returned the smile and looked at her collected group of friends, all of who were exhausted and itching to get back home to their respective beds. Aside from Anya of course.

“Well, why don’t we call it a night guys?” Buffy said before struggling up off the floor, joined shortly by her friends.

“Good idea, Buffy,” Willow said, making her way out the door. “We’ll stop by tomorrow and see if you need any more help unpacking. Tara and I were going to catch a movie, but we’ve got a picnic to plan.”

“Don’t skip the movie on our account, Will,” Buffy interjected.

“W-we’ll stop by after, if that’s okay,” Tara said after exchanging a shy glance with Willow. Buffy couldn’t help but catch the look and file it away for later analysis. At least Willow seemed to be moving on from Oz.

“Sure, sounds groovy,” Buffy pulled each girl into a hug before repeating the action with Anya and Xander.

“Call me if you need any help tomorrow assembling furniture or what not,” Xander said before waving goodbye.

“Bye, Buffy! It was nice to do forced volunteer work for you,” Anya said with a bright smile, taking the edge of what may have been insulting if one didn’t know her.

“Thanks again, Anya,” Buffy said with a smile before turning to Giles who also looked ready to leave.

“Goodnight, Buffy,” he smiled down at her. “I trust you’ll sleep well the first night in your new home. And I’m certain my son can find his own way back, it would be a shame to wake Dawn.”

“Sure, Giles. And thanks again, for everything,” Buffy gave him a warm hug and assured him that she would ask him for help in the morning, if need should arise.

Buffy made her way back into the living room where she stopped immediately when she saw that Spike had followed Dawn’s example and drifted off. She stood in the doorway smiling at the cozy scene. Dawn really loved Spike. Buffy decided they were entitled to a little nap, so she slipped off silently into the bedrooms to get things set up for their first night in their new home. She could only hope it would become as full of happy memories as their last one.

Chapter 18 – New house, new rules

Once the last of her moving crew had packed up and left Buffy made her way back into the living room. Spike and Dawn were sound asleep, Dawn’s head cradled against his shoulder. She smiled indulgently at the pair before quietly picking up the empty soda cans and pizza boxes. Making quick work of the mess, Buffy set about wiping down the kitchen counters and double checking they had all the supplies for a big breakfast the next morning.

Kneeling down in front of the sleeping pair, Buffy paused before gently tucking a strand of Dawn’s hair behind her ear. Spike must have sensed the movement because he opened his startling blue eyes and smiled softly at her.

“Everyone gone, pet?” he whispered, as to not wake Dawn.

“Yeah. Everyone’s gone, they were all pretty beat after today,” Buffy answered.

“Do you want me to wake nibblet?” Spike looked like he was loathe to do so, casting his gaze down to rest on the sleeping five-year-old in his lap. As if picking up on the discussion, Dawn sighed and snuggled deeper into his arms. Buffy couldn’t help the smile that lit her face at the action.

“Let’s just get her to bed, okay? If she wakes up on the way we’ll make sure she gets ready for bed properly.” Buffy ran her hand lightly through Dawn’s hair before preceding Spike out of the room.

The little girl didn’t stir until Buffy had maneuvered her out of her shoes and jeans and tucked the covers around her small frame. Sleepy blue eyes opened slowly and gazed up at Buffy inquisitively.

“Gone?” she mumbled quietly, eyes drifting shut again since she wasn’t fully awake.

“Yeah, Dawnie. Everyone’s gone,” Buffy replied stroking her dark locks.

“William too?” Her eyes opened again in an attempt to remain awake.

“No, Spike’s still here,” Buffy said indicating the man in question standing behind her.

“Good,” Dawn smiled up at the pair. “G’night,” she added before succumbing to sleep once more.

“’Night, nibbles,” Spike said leaning down past Buffy to brush a soft kiss on her forehead. Buffy followed suit and the couple made their way quietly to the doorway.

“So much for gettin’ her ready, pet,” Spike said as Buffy closed the door, leaving a sliver open to let some light into Dawn’s room.

“Yeah, I guess. But she would have fallen asleep with a toothbrush in her mouth if I’d tried,” Buffy replied, looking up at him. Spike pulled her into his arms, content to hold his girl after a long and trying day.

“I know. She better bloody well stop with this William business soon though, love.” Spike smiled down at Buffy’s sparkling eyes. “Doesn’t make me sound all dangerous-like.”

Buffy smiled widely, “I don’t know. I think William suits you. Maybe I should start calling you Will, too,” she teased, arms reaching up around his neck.

“You’ll only get me mixed up with Red that way,” he chided her. “’Sides you know Spike suits me a whole lot better,” he added grinding his growing erection into her stomach.

Buffy made a contented sound before she pulled him down for a languid kiss. “Maybe I need some convincing… Will,” she said pulling back from him, eyes gleaming mischievously.

Spike grinned wolfishly at her. “Maybe you do at that,” he said bending down and lifting her petite frame into his arms.

“Time to break in the new bedroom, pet?” he asked as he carried her over the threshold. He deposited her on the floor in front of her bed, capturing her lips in a heated kiss before she could reply, seducing her senses with luxurious swipes of his talented tongue. His hands skimmed over her body, slowly making their way to her lower back where he started to knead out the tension gathered there.

Buffy lost her ability to think rationally as Spike’s hands worked their magic on her sore muscles. The day had been long and draining, with too much last minute packing to do. Spike slowly divested her of her shirt and jeans, continuing his soothing massage on each newly exposed piece of flesh revealed. He indicated that she lay down on the bed, allowing him better access to her graceful back. Buffy felt a pang of guilt at the attention he lavished on her, knowing that Spike had worked harder than anyone else and his own muscles had to be screaming in pain.

Spike gently massaged the expanse of her back and shoulders, unclasping her bra when it interrupted his efforts which proved not to be the best way to restrain his desire for her. Her blonde hair was haphazardly arranged around her head like a golden halo, her skin warm and firm beneath his hands, and not for the first time, Spike was amazed at how lucky he was to be allowed to touch this stunning creature.

Their lovemaking was slow and gentle, taking up the vein of Spike’s earlier ministrations. Their bodies moved together in gentle harmony, eyes holding each other as the first tremors of release started to build in slow anticipation. Buffy came first, hugging Spike tightly to her, a soft sigh the only sound escaping her. Spike closely followed and soon the two lovers lay spent and sated in an intricate embrace.

Buffy luxuriated in the feel of Spike’s strong arms around her, and burrowed further into the warm embrace. She dreaded to think what it would have been like these past few months, especially this day, without him in her life.

“Stay,” she whispered when she felt him stirring to leave.

“Forever, princess,” Spike answered happily pulling her snugly against him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike woke up to the smell of coffee wafting through the open bedroom door. He turned toward the smell to find an excited little girl waiting expectantly for him to notice her. As soon as she saw his eyes open, Dawn launched herself at Spike.

“Good morning, William!” Dawn squealed when Spike grabbed onto her. Her bright blue eyes sparkled with merry mischief which made Spike’s heart warm. He was so relieved that the little one was already adjusting to her new home.

“Mornin’, monkey,” he smiled up at her where she sat perched on his chest.

“Buffy’s making breakfast. A big breakfast,” Dawn smiled widely.

“How big?” Spike asked, playing along. “This big?” he asked, making a small measurement between his thumb and pointer finger.

“No, silly,” Dawn giggled.

“This big?” He opened his arms shoulder-width apart. Another burst of giggles and a shaking head indicated Dawn’s reply.

“This big then?” Spike spread his arms as wide apart as he could. Dawn giggled again and threw herself into his arms joyfully. Dawn gave him a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek before squirming back to the floor.

“Buffy!” Dawn yelled as she backed out of the bedroom, eyes once more sparkling in mischief. “William’s awake!” She called before darting out of the room.

With a groan and an eye roll Spike smiled and buried himself further under the covers. He didn’t enjoy the fact that his nibblet seemed very unwilling to let go of calling him William yet, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. She could call him whatever she wanted and he wouldn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell to pretend he didn’t love her just the same.

“Just gonna have a quick shower, luv,” Spike called out to Buffy and headed off to clean up before breakfast.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy smiled when Dawn came bouncing back into the kitchen after having woken Spike up. She set about finishing up and plating the promised big breakfast, which consisted of eggs, bacon, toast, fruit, and baked beans especially for Spike. Though why anyone would want beans for breakfast was beyond her.

“Is Spike gonna live with us now, Buffy?” Dawn’s innocent question washed Buffy’s good humor away like a bucket of ice water.

“W-What?” she stammered, hoping to delay her answer.

“Is he gonna live here with us? Like a family?” Dawn’s eyes were wide in innocent hope. For the first time Buffy truly realized that she was more like a single mother, at least for the time being, than an older sister.

“I don’t think so, Dawnie. He has his own house with Giles that he has to live at,” Buffy answered cautiously. She hadn’t even thought about how Spike staying over would influence the young girl.

“But you love him, and I love him. Shouldn’t we be a family then? Giles can come too,” Dawn continued, hoping the addition of Spike’s dad into the mix would make the situation clearer to Buffy.

“I know we do, Dawnie.” She made her way over to the child. “But that doesn’t mean Spike’s going to live with us. Or Giles.”

“But that’s what Mommy told me,” Dawn looked up at her sister, distress evident in her eyes. “People, boy and girl people, who love each other, can live together. Then they get married. And then, they have the stork deliver them lots and lots of babies!” she finished with the sparkle returning to her gaze, evidently proud she remembered their mother’s teachings.

“I know that’s what Mommy told you, sweetheart.” Buffy had no idea how to have this talk yet. ‘Definitely time to pick up some parenting books,’ she thought to herself.

“And if you and Spike have babies, I can help!” Dawn clapped her hands in glee, the idea apparently perfect as far as she saw it. She was too excited to remember to call Spike William as she’d been insisting lately.

“I don’t think we’re ready for that, sweetie,” Buffy tried, nervously glancing over her shoulder to see an amused Spike leaning against the doorjamb, fresh from the shower. ‘And my morning is now complete,’ she thought.

“But maybe William wants to,” Dawn shot a pleading look at her partner in crime. At his sudden inclusion in the conversation he had been content to watch, Spike visibly paled, unsure of how to handle the turn of events.

“That doesn’t matter, pumpkin,” Buffy said firmly, sparing him the need to answer. “It’s not going to happen. And if it does, it will be a long long time from now. And then you’ll be a bratty teenager who won’t want anything to do with her sister,” Buffy finished, tugging lightly on the Dawn’s hair when she pouted.

Spike had looked up sharply when Buffy said she wasn’t having babies with him. Not that he’d considered it, but it wasn’t a preposterous idea as far as he was concerned. But his gaze softened when she added the last part; hope still flaring in him that he’d be her long-haul guy.

“But,” Dawn started, but Buffy sent her a quelling glare which stopped all protests from the little girl. Score one for the Mom-look, Buffy thought to herself.

“No more, Dawnie. Spike’s up so it’s time for breakfast.” Buffy straightened up and moved toward the kitchen to fetch the plates.

Spike joined Dawn at the kitchen table and smiled at Buffy as she set a cup of coffee down in front of him. Dawn happily tucked into her plate as soon as it was set in front of her. Normalcy was established as Buffy sat down to join the two.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As Buffy was clearing the dishes, insisting that Spike relax with Dawn to watch cartoons, there was a knock at the door. Wiping her hands on a dish rag Buffy went to see who their impromptu visitor was. The opened door revealed a stunning dark-haired woman and a shy little boy with wide green eyes. The woman looked a bit exotic, gypsy perhaps, and had an easy smile while she carried a tray of what appeared to be home-baked muffins.

“Hello,” the woman smiled at Buffy. “My name is Jenny Calendar, and the shy little tyke behind me is Scott. We’re your new neighbors. Or, you are our new neighbors, I suppose.”

“Hi, I’m Buffy,” she replied, smiling at the woman and the young boy.

“We just thought we’d stop by and welcome you. Scotty here said he’d seen a couple with a little girl move in and he wanted to say hello,” Jenny nudged the boy encouragingly toward their new neighbor.

“Well, hello to you too, Scott,” Buffy said with a soft smile as the boy extended his small hand in a formal greeting. “The place is still a mess, and we’ve just finished breakfast, but there’s plenty of coffee and juice if you want to come inside and meet Dawn.”

Buffy moved aside to let the two inside and led the way toward the living room. Dawn had already let curiosity get the better of her and was peeking around the corner.

“Jenny, Scott, this is Dawn and my boyfriend Spike,” Buffy introduced, Dawn eagerly coming forward while Spike took his time getting off the sofa to greet the pair.

“Hi, Scott,” Dawn said, smiling brilliantly. “You like Dora the Explorer?” At Scott’s enthusiastic nod the two positioned themselves in front of the television and settled in to watch the show.

“Spike is an unusual name,” Jenny said as she shook hands while Buffy set about organizing the muffins and coffee.

“’S just a nickname,” Spike replied already charmed by the woman’s straightforwardness. “M’name’s William Giles, but only Da’ an’ the bit call me that.”

“Ah,” Jenny replied, eyebrow arched elegantly. “We didn’t mean to impose; this area doesn’t have a lot of kids around though, so Scotty insisted we go over as soon as possible to meet the mystery girl.”

“No problem at all,” Buffy said, placing fresh cups of coffee on the kitchen table, indicating that Jenny take a seat. “Dawn is a social butterfly already; I’m dreading what she’ll be like as a teenager. So no doubt we would have met at some stage today.”

“Well that’s good. Scotty is a bit shy, but he insisted on this and I couldn’t deny him. How old is Dawn?” Jenny said stealing a glance at the children enraptured by the interactive show.

“She’s five, six this year,” Buffy replied, happy that this was a source of distraction for her sister who may not show it, but was surely feeling a bit off in the new home.

“Scotty’s six going on sixty,” Jenny mused. “He’s too mature for his own good. When is your daughter starting school?” she directed the question at Spike, in order to include him in the conversation.

“Oh, she’s not my daughter,” he replied, shooting a glance at Buffy.

“She’s my sister,” Buffy added quickly at Jenny’s speculative look. “Our parents passed away. My mother most recently to a brain tumor, my father died when Dawn was still a baby. I was old enough to take guardianship, so here we are. Starting fresh.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, sweetheart,” Jenny reached across to grasp Buffy’s hand in sympathy. “What a tragic story. I just assumed you were a young family. I never imagined…”

Buffy blushed, looking down at the table, glancing up at Spike when she felt him squeeze her thigh in reassurance.

“’S okay, Jenny. Buffy here is takin’ great care of her sis’ and me an’ my Da are doin’ our best to help these two lovely ladies out.”

“Well you can count on me putting my foot in my big ol’ mouth. If you ever need anything at all, don’t hesitate to drop around. We’ve got plenty of time and will help you as well, Buffy.” Jenny smiled reassuringly.

“Please, don’t worry about it. When it comes to foot-in-mouthism I could have a PhD,” Buffy smiled. “It’s been tough, but we needed a fresh start, and we’ve certainly had great help and believe me we won’t hesitate to ask for more,” Buffy looked over at Spike in thanks.

“I have to ask, Spike,” Jenny hid her smile at the young couple, attempting to change the subject. Maybe it wouldn’t be too long before Dawn had some young company around the house. “Are you related to Rupert?”

“Yeah, that’s my Da,” Spike said, scarred eyebrow raised in an unspoken question.

“I know him. Great store with a wonderful occult section. I’m a frequent customer, you see,” Jenny explained, a faint blush staining her cheeks.

“Ah, well, Da’s got his interests, I suppose.” Spike sent Buffy a knowing look as he took in the woman’s countenance. His dad had mentioned a beautiful woman who frequented the store on more than one occasion.

The conversation flowed easily between the three adults after the initial awkwardness and Buffy found herself smiling and at ease with her new neighbor. Jenny was a single mother; Scott’s father had walked out on her when she announced her pregnancy. Jenny revealed that she hadn’t expected him to stay, but she wouldn’t have given up the chance to become a mother, regardless of the lack of help. When Buffy had commented on how juvenile the action seemed, Jenny had laughed and agreed, but hoped that Scotty would meet his father one day. Jenny worked part-time at the local high school and was considering a full-time position now that Scott had started attending full-time as well.

Dawn and Scott got along amazingly well and when the two youngsters practically begged Jenny to let them play at Scotty’s house with his new toys, Buffy readily agreed. Dawn could always use new friends, especially ones who understood the hardships of single-parenthood. The Calendar’s and Dawn said their goodbyes and promised Buffy that Dawn would come home safely when she was ready. After reminding her sister to be polite and listen to what Jenny said, the trio was off, leaving Buffy and Spike alone.

“So, pet,” Spike said, snaking his arms around her waist as soon as the door closed. “What shall we do all by our lonesome? Maybe get some practice in,” he mumbled as he suggestively moved his hips against hers.

“Practice?” Buffy asked, distracted by the way Spike was caressing her neck with soft, open-mouthed kisses.

“You know.” He smiled rakishly as Buffy put two and two together. Realization set in and she pushed against his chest.

“Spike, we have to talk,” Buffy said, pulling out of his arms. Spike felt cold fear tug at his heart as he noticed Buffy’s guarded gaze.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asked following her when she moved into the living room.

“I’m a single mother,” Buffy blurted, unable to decide how to get the ball rolling. Wringing her hands she looked over at Spike, carefully keeping her distance, she had to keep her thoughts together for this conversation.

“No, you’re takin’ care of your sis, pet,” he replied carefully wondering where her line of thinking was leading.

“Well, yes, I know. But it’s like I’m a single mother,” Buffy continued. “Dawn is only five. She barely knew Dad, and Mom was always saying that she couldn’t date until Dawn was old enough to understand or if it was serious enough.”

“I’m not sure I’m following you, pet,” Spike said cautiously, inwardly dreading what Buffy meant with all this.

“What Dawn asked me today… asked you too... I hadn’t thought of that,” Buffy tried.

“About us havin’ little Buffys?” Spike attempted a bit of humor.

“No, about you living here.” Buffy threw her hands in the air out of frustration. “About us being a family. Getting married. I’m not ready for that.”

“Neither am I,” Spike replied, watching her pace across the floor. “Haven’t you ever thought about it though?”

Spike’s question halted her mid-step. “No,” she replied and saw the hurt look cross Spike’s features.

“I mean, I haven’t had time,” she moved toward him. “I love you, but I hardly have my own life in order. And now I’m responsible for Dawn’s life, too. I can’t even think about us like that yet.”

“Why not?” Spike asked. He caught Buffy’s pleading glance. “I get it, pet. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now. But it doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking about where this is goin’. You even said ‘not for a long time’ instead of an outright no to Bit.”

Buffy was devastated. She hardly remembered what she’d said to Dawn that morning. She had been so busy trying to figure out the right thing to say that she just blurted out whatever came up. All she knew was that it wasn’t fair to Dawn or to Spike to keep this relationship going if it had a chance of not working. And Spike deserved someone who could always put him first.

“I just don’t know what to do, Spike,” Buffy pleaded with him, finally finding her voice.

“’S not that hard, we just keep goin’ like we have,” Spike replied, holding her gaze steadily.

“But it’s not so simple. It is hard. Dawn loves you, what happens when you get tired of playing Dad and find someone else who doesn’t have truckloads of baggage like me?”

Spike had been able to remain somewhat calm up until that part, then he became furious, not at Buffy per se, but at her notion that he would ever throw her and Dawn away for something or someone easier. Hadn’t he proved to her that she was it for him? That all he ever wanted was to spend every moment with them? Dawn had quickly become his world and Buffy the whole soddin’ universe, and here she was throwing it all back at him.

“I love you and I love Dawn. I knew what I was getting’ into from the very beginning, if you care to recall I met Dawn before I met you,” Spike said, eyes flashing with hurt and anger.

“I know, but—” Buffy tried again before Spike cut her off.

“No buts, Buffy,” he said as he grasped her upper arms, forcing her to hold his gaze. “I. Love. You. And the bit. I don’t walk away from what I love. I didn’t leave Dru for years of her runnin’ around behind my back. Dawn isn’t baggage. I’ll keep seein’ Dawn even if you kick me to the curb tomorrow.”

Buffy held her breath, desperately wishing she could believe what Spike was telling her. But he was young and deserved much more than a ready made family full of responsibilities. Dawn was her cross to bear.

“You deserve more than this, Spike,” Buffy said finally. She had to look down as tears gathered in her eyes and threatened to fall.

“I can’t believe you’re even sayin’ this. I have more than I deserve with you and nibs,” Spike tried to get her to look at him again, but to no avail. Buffy pulled out of his arms and faced away from him.

“I don’t believe you,” Buffy said quietly.

“Then you don’t love me like you say you do,” Spike didn’t mean the words to come out as sharply as they did, but he was frustrated. “You have to believe me, pet.”

The desperate plea in his tone was almost enough to make Buffy turn around and beg for forgiveness. But she steeled herself against it. This was for the best. Maybe once he had some time to think he would realize that she wasn’t worth it.

“I can’t,” Buffy finally said. “Just go, please, Spike. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Is that what you really want, love?” Spike asked quietly, watching Buffy’s shoulders shake. But if this was what she needed, or wanted, then he would go. She never said he couldn’t come back. She still hadn’t said it was over; at least he had a spark of hope left. He hoped that Buffy was just overwhelmed with the events of the last few days, not that he wasn’t upset that she didn’t want to confide in him as he would have liked, but maybe a few days to settle in would do them both good.

Buffy nodded and kept her eyes closed as Spike moved behind her and made his way out the door. When she heard the soft click of the closing door, she allowed herself to finally give in to the tears she’d been holding back so desperately.

Chapter 19 – Lessons in Love

A week. A whole week had gone by since her fight with Spike and she hadn’t heard a single word from him. Buffy tried telling herself that this was what she wanted: Spike moving on with his life. Finding someone who could be a normal girlfriend. Someone who didn’t have custody of her five year old sister. Someone who could leave her everyday worries behind and just hop on the back of his motorcycle for an impromptu road trip.

Dawn had asked where Spike was, and as much as Buffy hated to, she’d lied and said he’d been busy at work all week. Buffy didn’t think she had the heart to tell her the truth yet. But soon enough she would have to. If Spike kept his word, Dawn could still see him if she wanted to. Thinking on it, Buffy realized that she didn’t doubt for a minute that he’d want to see Dawn.

Had she done the right thing? Maybe Spike wasn’t as concerned about Dawn being around as she had thought. But he hadn’t called her. And to be honest, Buffy had expected to see him on her doorstep every night begging for another chance and was quite disappointed when he didn’t.

The knock on the door signaled the welcome arrival of Scotty and Jenny, breaking Buffy from her thoughts. The pair had arranged another play date for today after their last successful afternoon together. Dawn hadn’t stopped talking about Scotty since she met him and had been anticipating the weekend enthusiastically judging by her barreling by Buffy to open the door.

“Hi!” Dawn exclaimed in glee as the open door revealed their neighbors.

“Hello, Dawn,” Jenny smiled as she entered after her son.

“Scotty, you hafta come see my new swings! Xander made them for me. And the sunny flowers are all awake today,” Dawn didn’t wait for an answer, pulling the smiling young boy outside.

“Hi, Jenny,” Buffy greeted the woman with a smile and led the way to the kitchen where coffee and pastries were ready to go.

“You wouldn’t believe how excited Scotty has been all week. He was like a kid on Christmas morning today.” Jenny smiled her thanks when Buffy set a steaming mug in front of her.

“Dawn was the same way. When Xander was here to set up the swings yesterday she wouldn’t stop talking about what she would play when Scott came over today.” Actually excited was an understatement. Dawn had been bouncing off the walls this morning asking Buffy for the time every few minutes.

“Scotty regaled my mother with his tales of Dawn’s adventures during her visit,” Jenny said as she watched the children swing through the glass doors. Scott’s grandmother had visited him during the week and Buffy and Jenny had thought it was best to wait until she was gone before meeting up again.

“Well, they’re finally getting a chance to play again,” Buffy said, turning to look out at Dawn’s smiling face.

“How’s Spike doing?” Jenny asked, unaware she was treading into unsteady waters.

“Well,” Buffy started with a sigh. She hadn’t had the chance to talk to Willow about the whole situation yet because she had always been busy when she called. It seemed Tara and Willow had taken a liking to each other and were spending a lot of time together. Glancing over at Jenny’s kind eyes, Buffy realized she needed to confide on someone and found herself relating the whole story of the past few days, including her thoughts on the events and on Spike’s need for freedom.

Jenny was silent throughout the revelation and sat watching Buffy for a while before replying. She understood why Buffy did what she had done, but she suspected Buffy didn’t fully realize it. The young woman before her had lost both her parents tragically in a short expanse of time, had relocated from her childhood home and found herself fully responsible for Dawn’s upbringing. It was no wonder the girl could hardly think straight, especially about her own actions.

“Have you given any thought to why you think Spike is better off without you in his life?” Jenny asked carefully.

“I thought I just explained,” Buffy looked up from her hands, tears shimmering in her green eyes.

“I know you did, sweetheart,” Jenny reached across the table to grasp her hand. “But have you thought about what you want or why you’re truly doing this? Could it be that maybe you’re protecting Buffy from losing Spike? And not protecting Dawn from losing him, or saving him from being tied to a child that’s not his.”

Buffy stared blankly at Jenny. She had already lost Spike, so what difference did it make?

“Buffy, over the last few years you’ve lost both your parents and your home. Your friends are settling into their own lives and now you have Dawn to take care of. She has to be your world for a while, like you said you’re essentially a single mother for the next decade or so,” Jenny started explaining. “Then you meet a very handsome, kind and utterly devoted man from what I’ve seen, and that scares you a little. Probably more than a little. Maybe you’re worried over what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been there for you, or if he was suddenly gone. Then you start realizing how much you are relying on him and how much, and I’m only assuming here, you love him.”

Buffy nodded when Jenny paused, cold fingers of doubt crawling up her spine. She had a horrible feeling Jenny would prove her initial reasoning wrong.

“Good. The people you loved the most in the world have died and all of a sudden, you’re alone, save Dawn of course, trying to find your way in the dark, without anyone’s help. Spike and his father come along and they start becoming more and more important, helping out when you need them, taking some of your burden off your shoulders, so losing Spike or actually the two of them would destroy you, wouldn’t it?” Another nod. “So by ending it with Spike you think you can save yourself that pain,” Jenny finished quietly.

“Everyone I love leaves me,” Buffy said softly, tears falling unchecked.

“And you thought sending Spike away would make it easier for you?”

“Yes,” Buffy replied. “But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he would have stayed no matter what. And now he thinks I don’t love him and he’ll never talk to me again.”

“Nonsense.” Jenny moved closer to put an arm around Buffy. “Maybe he’s just giving you some time to figure things out. He’s a smart guy, making you miss him like this.”

Buffy looked up at Jenny hopefully, maybe she was right. Maybe Spike would come around. Or maybe she should push her pride aside and call him, crawling on her knees and beg him for forgiveness.

“Spike loves you and Dawn,” Jenny said. “I could see it from the moment I met him. I doubt he can be dissuaded so easily, so I imagine he must be scheming how to get you back as we speak.”

“But all of Spike’s plans tend to go horribly wrong,” Buffy said with a smile, wiping at her tear stained cheeks.

The loud knock on the door caused the two women to look at each other in surprise. Jenny smiled while Buffy hastily hopped off the chair to check her face in the mirror. Then Buffy opened the door to reveal her visitor.

“Hello, Buffy,” Giles greeted a little awkwardly. “May I come in?”

“S-sure,” Buffy stammered, still a little shocked at his arrival. She led the way to the kitchen, seeing that Jenny had gone outside to check on Dawn and Scott.

“You seem to have a visitor,” Giles remarked, immediately becoming more flustered when he saw who her guest was.

“Yes. Jenny and her son Scott. They are our new neighbors.” Buffy smiled knowingly noticing the older man’s reaction.

“Ah, I see.” With difficulty, Giles pulled his gaze away from the radiant woman in the backyard. “My son asked me to give you these,” he said offering Buffy a helmet and a sealed envelope.

At Buffy’s puzzled frown he added, “I have strict instructions to tell you to read the letter and meet William out front in fifteen minutes. Also, apparently I-I am responsible for Dawn this afternoon.”

Dawn had noticed who their new visitor was and came running inside, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling.

“Giles!” The five-year-old launched herself at the older man’s legs in obvious joy. “You hafta come meet Scotty and his mommy!” she said before insistently tugging on his arm. Buffy smiled at Giles when he silently asked permission to follow. Buffy stared down at the envelope in her hands before setting the helmet carefully on the counter. Carefully she unsealed the envelope and pulled out the elegantly scripted letter.

My Dearest Buffy,

I know that I haven’t kept in touch since our last discussion, and believe me I have wanted to be with you every moment since. However, I knew we both needed some time and distance to clear our minds if we wanted to sort this out. And I do know I want to. I love you more than anything else in this world. Please, Buffy, meet with me today. Take the helmet, put on a pair of boots and the leather jacket you know I love, and let Giles spend the day with Dawnie.

See you soon, Goldilocks,

Love Always,

Spike


Buffy didn’t need to be asked twice; she hurried into her bedroom to change into her jeans and her biker-style leather jacket and paired it with a cute pair of boots. She found herself giggling as she realized that even when making an impassioned plea for her to return to him, Spike had still made sure that she was dressed safely for the motorcycle ride. With a quick goodbye to Dawn and a promise to Jenny that she would fill her in later, Buffy was out the door and on her way to her impromptu road trip.

Buffy slipped into the requested outfit and safety gear and carried the helmet casually under her arm as she made her way toward the small turnaround point where Spike was waiting for her. Or at least where she expected him to be waiting for her. Although since he was the one who sent the note, Buffy figured there had to be some hope left. Thousands of butterflies batted their wings inside her stomach as she approached the corner and when she heard the low rumble of Spike’s motorcycle, she couldn’t stop feeling slightly nauseous as apprehension swelled inside her.

Buffy stopped right around the corner of the unit just before she could be seen and reclined against the cool stone wall. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, closing her eyes to block out everything else to concentrate on slowing her fluttering pulse. Even though she was ecstatic that Spike had taken the initiative to speak to her again, she worried that there would be issues left to discuss which were more important than she initially thought.

Buffy loved Spike with all her heart, and if she had been just a college girl, she would have jumped at the opportunity, literally, to be with Spike. But she had Dawn to consider, and that meant she needed someone who was a bit more stable than a twenty-something guy who still worked part-time jobs and lived with his dad.

Buffy opened her eyes and shook off her negative attitude. Today was, hopefully, about starting again with a more realistic outlook.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike idly played with his lighter as he stood next to his bike waiting for Buffy to decide whether she was coming or not. Dawn had made a lightning fast appearance with her little friend saying that her sister was on the way about ten minutes earlier. His father’s doing no doubt. But that meant Buffy wouldn’t be too far behind.

Spike was nervous about the upcoming encounter. He’d planned the bike ride out of the city to one of his favorite spots along the coast as a way of establishing neutral ground. Somewhere Buffy could forget about the small details of her daily life with Dawn and maybe where he could have the chance to show her what their future may be like together. He could only hope she would be open enough to listen to him this time.

He straightened up as he saw his lady love come around the corner. She was wearing the adorable black leather jacket he’d requested and looked positively delicious in the tight dark wash jeans that hugged every one of her delectable curves. Her golden hair fell in loose waves around her face, helping to hide some of her nervous demeanor from him.

“’Lo, luv,” Spike greeted her above the idle rumble of the motorcycle. “Ready for that ride?” Buffy nodded nervously and Spike swung his leg over the bike, pulling his helmet over his head. Turning slightly he indicated that Buffy should do the same and settle in behind him, closing all avenue for conversation between them, thus preventing any hope that Buffy could have held over turning around and returning home again.

When Buffy’s arms snaked around his middle and her hands clasped about his waist, Spike kicked the bike into gear and pulled out of the driveway of the apartment complex. He felt Buffy sigh against his back and tried to focus on the road ahead instead of muddling his thoughts with insecurities about what could have caused such a morose action.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy sighed deeply as Spike took off down the road. It felt wonderful to be pressed up against him so tightly, holding on for every twist and bend on the road. She didn’t know where they were heading but that was part of the allure. Leaving her home and responsibilities behind would allow her to focus solely on Spike for the time being.

The ride was stretching into the half-hour mark when Spike pulled off the main coastal road and onto an old dirt track. The tires spun slightly as the motorcycle compensated for the bad driving conditions before Spike slowed down and eased it onto the smoothest part of the track. After another fifteen minutes of bumpy track, Spike eased the bike over to the side of the road and stopped.

Buffy immediately got off the motorcycle, fussing with her helmet to stall for more time before she had to face her maybe-boyfriend. Spike noticed her fussing with the chin strap and came over, tilting her head up to untangle the strap. Buffy stilled as she looked into his blue eyes while he concentrated on pulling off her helmet, shaking out her head and gasping at the way he was staring at her. He had the same awe-struck look as he’d had the first time they’d met and it made her heart clench inside her chest.

“Right, shall we?” Spike asked, averting his gaze after she took his hand. Carrying a bag with him that she hadn’t noticed before, he led her down a small forest path out towards the sparkling ocean. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat when she took in the view for the first time.

“It’s absolutely stunning,” Buffy said breathless as she looked at the glittering ocean. They were standing on top of a grassy ridge which plummeted straight into the churning sea below. A small path seemed to lead down to the water on the right, ending on a small secluded beach down below. The sun shone brightly in a cloudless blue sky and the water seemed to wink happily up at her as the waves danced onto the cliffs and sand below.

“Yeah, it is,” Spike’s voice drew Buffy’s gaze to meet his, and the shiver that ran up her spine when she met his intense stare had her suspicious that he wasn’t talking about the scenery. Shaking his head as if to clear it, Spike pulled a blanket out of the saddle bag he’d been carrying and spread it over the grass.

“C’mon, pet,” Spike said as he sat on the blanket and extended a hand up to her. “Sit down and enjoy the view for a while.”

Buffy took his hand and sank to her knees beside him, shrugging out of her leather jacket as the sun warmed her skin enough without the added bulk. Spike mimicked her actions and slipped off his own leather jacket, followed by his boots and socks.

“For added freedom,” he said with a wink when she raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. His warm, rich laugh seemed to fill the air around her when she followed his example and pulled off her own boots and socks, sighing happily, as she stretched her bare feet out in front of her.

They sat silent for long moments, neither wanting to break the quiet peace that had settled between them. But as the warm afternoon sun cooled slightly and the early evening breeze lifted the curls off Buffy’s back, Spike turned towards her and smiled sadly.

“So where to we go from here, pet?” Spike looked deeply into her eyes, emotions evident in the depths of his azure gaze.

“I don’t know,” Buffy sighed, sitting straighter and looking out to the endless ocean. “I’ve felt so lost without you this week and it terrifies me.”

“Terrifies you?” Spike asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy looked over at him, his beautiful features a mask of concern. “I can’t afford to rely on you like that. We’ve already been over this.”

“No, luv, we haven’t,” Spike said evenly. He knew the hardest thing for him today, aside from the possibility of losing Buffy forever, would be keeping his temper and impatience in check. “Why don’ you explain it to me?”

“I have to take care of Dawn by myself. I can’t rely on you or anyone else to do that for me. She is my responsibility now; I can’t just go out and do whatever I want whenever I want anymore. And if I do start relying on other people, what happens the day they leave? How am I supposed to cope with that?” Buffy’s voice quieted as she asked the last question, her eyes still fixed on the blue water.

“You don’t know that they will, love,” Spike said as he straightened, leaning forward to watch the play of emotions over Buffy’s expressive features.

“Everyone leaves me,” she whispered, eyes downcast.

“I don’t,” Spike said, cupping her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. “I don’t leave, Buffy.”

“You don’t know that,” Buffy replied, a mournful faraway look darkening her eyes. “Mom said she’d never leave and she did. I’m not blaming her for dying, but you don’t know what’ll happen in the future. You can’t.”

Spike held her gaze; Buffy’s eyes had lit up in determination to prove her point. He wasn’t sure he had an argument for her. What she said was true, if a little extreme.

“And you haven’t even told me about your plans for the future, Spike,” Buffy continued after a short silence. “You don’t even seem to have any desire to get a proper job. You’re so smart and you’re stuck working as a security guard, living with your dad.” Buffy shifted her gaze away from Spike’s intense blue eyes. She didn’t want to sound like a brat, but she and Dawn needed stability in their future, and Spike wouldn’t exactly reassure anyone with his stellar career plans.

To her surprise, Spike was smiling widely at her when she finally gathered up the courage to glance back at him.

“I was only doin’ that part time, Goldilocks,” he said with a grin. “I’m startin’ at your uni in the fall, workin’ in the English department. I’ve got a position teachin’ 18th Century lit and Shakespeare.”

Buffy was dumbfounded and she was sure she could have been accused of trying to catch flies with her mouth with as wide open as it was right now. He’d never mentioned anything about teaching before. Sure, she knew he was planning on finishing his doctorate here in the States, but she didn’t realize he’d planned as far as he had. Before she had a chance to ask him anything, Spike continued,

“I jus’ wanted to make sure it all came through before I said anythin’ to you about it. They were a bit unsure when I applied seein’ as I wasn’t a full professor yet, but with my looks and accent, it didn’t take long for them to change their minds,” he said with a wicked grin, causing Buffy to smile. “I found out a couple of weeks ago, but I didn’ have a chance to tell you, luv. An’ the only reason I’m still livin’ with Da is cause it’s close to you an’ he’s been such a hermit since Mum passed that I thought he’d need all the help he could get.”

“Oh,” Buffy replied softly when Spike finished. “I-I never knew…”

“I know you didn’t,” Spike smiled softly at her, brushing his fingertips along her cheek softly. “But you didn’ give me much of a chance to explain myself either.”

Buffy blushed and looked down at her hands. She knew she had basically thrown him out without any opportunity to explain himself. She had pushed him away to protect herself without knowing all of the facts which made her more of a blonde than just the highlights her stylist put in her hair. She felt the familiar burn start behind her eyes as the tears started to build.

“I’m just so afraid of losing you. Of losing someone else I love,” Buffy said quietly, tears falling softly down her cheeks.

“I know, love. But pushing me out of your life is not so different from me leavin’ you. You know better than anyone that nothin’ in life is certain,” Spike cupped her face in his hands, brushing her tears away with his thumbs. “I could die tomorrow, yes. But so could you. Or Dawn.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Tears fell again from her green eyes.

“No. But it’s the truth. I could die tomorrow or I could live to be a hundred. All I know is that I want to spend every day I have left with you and Dawn. I can’t breathe without you, Buffy,” he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, holding his breath as he waited for her to respond.

“I love you so much. I’m just scared, Spike,” Buffy whispered, lips a breath away from touching his. She sounded like a lost little girl with the world on her shoulders and it tore at his heart because he knew how true the comparison was.

“I know. But I love you Buffy, with everything I am. You’re in my blood, my soul. I can’t give you any guarantees beyond that. There are no guarantees in life. But I can promise you that I’ll love you for as long as I walk this earth.” Spike gazed into her eyes, his own blue ones dark with emotion. Buffy felt warmth spread from the pit of her stomach all the way to the tips of her fingers.

“What if you’re paralyzed?” Buffy asked, mischief dancing in her eyes.

“Then as long as I breathe,” Spike smiled, knowing he’d finally gotten through to her.

“What if you become a vampire? They don’t breathe, do they?” Buffy grinned.

“Then ‘til the day I dust,” Spike pulled her closer against his body, wrapping her in his arms.

“What– ” he cut Buffy off with a deep kiss. His lips moved slowly and sensually over Buffy’s, infusing each movement with his love for her. Buffy responded slowly, wrapping her arms around him, drowning in his kiss. They pulled away panting, a faint blush staining Buffy’s cheeks.

“Whatever comes, whatever happens, Buffy,” Spike whispered holding her gaze. “I’ll be here, with you, with Dawn. Always.”

Buffy struggled weakly against giving in to the happiness that was growing to the point of bursting in her chest, but one look into Spike’s glittering gaze made her last shred of doubt fall away. She smiled lovingly up at him and leaned in for a soft kiss.

“Okay, but you better live to be a hundred, mister,” Buffy squeezed him tightly, content to stay put forever.

Spike chuckled softly, pulling her as close as he could, feeling a sense of peace finally settle within him. He finally had the girl of his dreams. He had a kid sister and a place that finally felt like the home he’d always hoped for but hadn’t expected to ever find. He would never let this go. As Buffy met Spike’s lips with her own, the last vestiges of doubt in both their minds fell away.

Buffy sighed and rested her head against Spike’s shoulder, enjoying the last rays of light emanating from the setting sun. The sunset felt oddly poetic. It represented the end of her old fears, doubts and old life, allowing her to enjoy the new dawn that lay ahead.