Title: Tell Me You Love Me
Author: Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em

Summary: Spike gets fed up when
Buffy won't admit that she loves
him. He leaves town. She falls
apart. Help comes from the
last person you'd expect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Part One.....


She sat on the side of the bed, staring
at the wall with glazed eyes.

Waiting for him. Hoping she was wrong.
Hoping he would appear with his smart
aleck smile and a suggestive comment
about finding her in his bed.

But in the place where she buried all
unacceptable facts and ugly truths, she
knew it wasn't going to happen. Not this
time.

Not ever again.

Spike was gone, and she had only her-
self to blame.

He had asked so little of her, she knew that
now...now that it was too late.

Spike hadn't wanted to change her. He'd
never demanded that she live her life on
his terms, conforming to his desires, and he'd
never asked her to pretend to be less than
what she was.

Her identity was comprised of many parts.
A daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a
slayer.

All of these things were her, and the juggling
act she had to perform to keep all those balls
in the air sometimes drove her to despair,
leaving her teetering on the edge of a cliff,
with nowhere to go but down.

Spike always pulled her back from it.

Here in this room, in his bed, she'd only
ever had to be herself. Just a girl with a man
who only wanted one thing from her, a
thing that she had refused to give him.

Not once had she said the words, no
matter that she had the feelings.

He'd wanted so badly to hear her say it,
and she wouldn't. Even after everything
he'd done for her...she wouldn't say it.

For her, Spike had turned his back on
all that he'd been for over a hundred years.
Not because of that behavior modification
chip, but because of her.

The implant didn't matter. He could
have gotten around it somehow, if he'd really
wanted to. All he would need to do was
hook up with another vampire, one who would
do the actual killing.

As Drusilla had once offered.

But he hadn't done that. He'd had a choice,
and he'd chosen her. To stay with her, to
fight beside her, to kill his own kind, placing
himself at a constant risk, because there
wasn't a demon in this town who didn't know
that he was allied with the slayer...and they
hated him for it.

His decision. His choice.

It was a choice that Angel had never
made.

Well, Angelus hadn't, anyway. Angelus
hadn't chosen to stop killing, it had been
forced on him. The moment he'd had
the chance, he'd picked up right where he'd
left off. Only worse.

Losing his soul again had freed him and
made him more vicious and violent than
he'd been the first time, as though he'd
felt a compulsion to make up for lost
time, for all those years when he didn't
terrorize, and torture, and kill.

Buffy sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes.

And even if the implant did keep Spike
from killing, it hadn't made him help her
and protect the people she loved.

It certainly hadn't been responsible for
him standing right beside her during her
showdown with Glory.

Buffy had come within a hair's distance
of losing that battle, and she WOULD
have lost it much earlier in the game if
it hadn't been for Spike's refusal to reveal
the identity of Glory's key, despite hours
of brutal torture.

No, that had been a choice he had made. A
choice that had its roots in his love for her.

**And for what? For a girl who comes to his
bed every night, accepting all the pleasure
he gives me...I take and I take, and I never
give back..**

So, why wouldn't he leave? Why would
he want to stay with someone who refused
to admit to having any feelings for him other
than physical attraction or desire, the kind of
desire that any man could satisfy, making
him feel that he was what she had once
cruelly called him...a convenience.

No one with any sense would want to re-
main with a person who flung such hateful
words at them.

"I hate you...you're a pig...why won't you
just leave...you disgust me...you're not
a man, you're a thing...an evil, disgusting
thing...perverse...degrading...get out...go
away...stay away...tell anyone and I WILL
kill you...."

The ugly words rang in her ears, making her
cringe in shame.

Even after they'd gotten past that point in their
relationship, she had never done anything to
make up to him for her shabby treatment.

If she HAD done right by him, he'd be here
with her now. All she would have needed to
do was tell him she loved him, and everything
that had come before would be forgiven...for-
gotten.

The sadness she was feeling now was
taking a slow stranglehold on her throat,
making her eyes burn with tears that needed
to be cried.

She was lost now, and the only one who
could find her had turned his back on her
and walked away.

Forever.....



The clang bang of the door above being
opened and closed sent a wild rush of
hope through her...

**He's back...he came back to me..**

...a hope that died instantly when she
turned and saw Xander climbing down the
ladder to the lower level.

"Yo, Spike!" he called out as he descended.
"I'm looking for...Buffy?"

She shook her head. "He's not here," she
said flatly. "He's gone."

"Uh-huh. Well, actually I was looking for
YOU, and I thought he might...Buffy?" He
knelt in front of her. "What's the matter?"
he asked, sincerely concerned. "Why are
you crying?"

The tears had finally begun, brimming in
her eyes, then tracing a slow path down
her cheeks. "He's gone...and I don't know
what I'm gonna do..."

"Gone?" Xander sat on the side of the bed
next to her. "Gone where? What makes
you think he's gone?"

Buffy disregarded the question. "Do...do
you know why he left?" she asked, wiping
her eyes on her sleeve.

Xander frowned as he considered possible
answers to this question. Surely she didn't
mean that Spike was gone as in...dead?

That couldn't be it. It didn't make any sense.
Asking if he knew why Spike had left,
indicated that he'd done it of his own free
will.

But THAT made even less sense. Spike
leave Sunnydale? Leave Buffy? No way.

So what the hell had happened?

"No," he finally said. "I guess I don't."

"He left," Buffy informed him, "because he
loves me...and I hurt him. I hurt him
so much that he had to leave town to get
away from me."

Okay, NOW he knew something was off
kilter. Buffy had put plenty of hurtin's on
Spike over the years, and he always came
back for more.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "How did
you hurt him? Were you guys fighting?"

Buffy sniffled and shook her head. "I need
to find him, so that I can tell him that I love
him, too." A strong sob racked her small
frame. "I should have told him before...but
I didn't. I waited too long and...and now it's
too late."

She looked at Xander imploringly, as though
he was the oracle who could provide all
the answers. "Why didn't I tell him, Xander?
I knew that I loved him...why didn't I say it?"

Xander was still absorbing the words "I love
him."

Part of him was surprised at Buffy's
confession, while the other part had, on some
subconscious level, been expecting it.

He had known that Spike was in love with Buffy.
Anybody with eyes in their heads could see
that the slayer's former worst enemy had
fallen for her in a big way.

Xander had stopped believing long ago in
the 'vampires can't love' theory. Ordinary
vampires, maybe, but Spike wasn't exactly
ordinary.

Ever since they'd all banded together during
the 'Glory' crisis, Buffy and Spike had
spent a considerable amount of time together.
He went out with her every time she prowled
the cemeteries and back alleys of the Hell-
mouth, staking more vamps than anyone else
in the gang besides her.

Xander had watched as they grew closer
and, surprisingly, it hadn't bothered him as
much as he'd thought it would. Though he'd
rather bite off his tongue than say it, he found
Spike to be fairly likeable these days.

Spike had done his share and more, when it
came down to saving the world, and he'd
made an obvious effort to change, to become
something more than what he'd been.

And it wasn't to score points with Buffy. Maybe
at first, but not anymore. He displayed clear
affection for Dawn, and seemed fond of Willow
and Tara as well. He never hesitated to join
in and fight, and he'd stepped between all of
them and certain disaster more than once.

Even Giles has come around to trusting him,
and THAT was really saying something.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he said, feeling lame
and useless. "I just...I honestly don't know
what to say to you right now."

She stared at him for a moment, then shrug-
ged. "Why am I even asking YOU?" she said
bitterly. "You hated him. Even after things
changed...after HE changed...you never
gave him a chance. None of you did, really,
but you most of all."

Xander was stung by her words and tone. "Hey,
that's not..."

"How many times did he save your ass, Xander?"

"More than once...I know that. But I..."

"So damned ungrateful." Her voice was tight
with anger.

"Okay, now THAT'S it!" Xander said hotly,
feeling his own anger rise. "I was NOT un-
grateful for anything, and I didn't...I DON'T..hate
him. Not for a long time now...and neither do
the others."

Buffy stared at the floor, refusing to meet
his eyes. "All you ever did was insult him,"
she mumbled.

"Yeah! That's right!" He took a deep breath,
trying to control his irritation. "And all HE
ever did was insult ME. It doesn't mean
that we hated each other. I mean, can you
see us having a touchy-feely encounter
session, where we discuss all our innermost
feelings and end it with a big hug?"

She shook her head. "That's not...:

"Don't blame ME," he cut her off rudely, "be-
cause you didn't have the guts to tell him
that your feelings had changed. That's not
anyone's fault, but yours. You're a big girl,
Buffy and..." He stopped ranting when
she began to cry again.

"I know," she whimpered. "It IS my fault.
I brought it...all on myself...and now I'm
getting what I...deserve. It's just..." She
looked at him sadly. "I just wish I could
take it all back...do it all again..."

Xander's ire drained away in the face of her
heartbreak. He slipped one arm around
her shoulders, holding her while she cried.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he tried to soothe her. "I'm
sorry I yelled at you like that. I didn't mean.."

"I know," she said, drying her eyes again on
the sleeve of her shirt, leaving smears of
mascara on the material. "I'm sorry too...for
what I said before."

He shook his head and tried out a smile. "Aw,
fugeddabout it. I've heard worse...a lot worse
come to think of it."

After a few moments of silence, he spoke
hesitantly. "Buffy...I know that it's personal
and you can tell me to mind my own business,
but...were you and Spike..."

"Sleeping together?" she offered. "Yes. For
almost four months now."

Xander was truly perplexed. Spike had wanted
Buffy for so long...and he himself knew how
that felt, having spent a certain period of his
OWN life wanting her.

But, unlike him, Spike had been given the
key to paradise. Had he actually given
it back because she'd never told him that
she cared?

Apparently, there was a lot more to Spike
than Xander had ever realized.

He was startled out of his thoughts when
Buffy suddenly jumped to her feet.

"I've...I've gotta get out of here, Xander. I
just...I can't talk anymore about this..not
right now."

She was halfway up the ladder before he
knew what was happening.

"Wait a second...I'll take you home. Buffy!
Wait for..."

He went after her, but by the time he'd
climbed to the upper level and ran out-
side...she was nowhere in sight.



TBC.....
Feedback keeps me going!

Part Two....


(Ten Days Later)

Xander hit the double doors that led
to the emergency room with both hands,
ignoring the noise that echoed in the hall-
way when they banged against the walls.

As he made his way through the antiseptic
smelling corridors, he mentally cursed
himself to hell and back for letting things
get this far.

Turning the corner by the nurses station,
he spotted a sign that read "Waiting Room"
with a red arrow beneath the words.

Is that small and dismal room, four of the
people he loved most in the world sat side
by side on an old, coffee stained sofa.

The other person he loved most dearly,
however, was not there. She was behind
yet another set of double doors that he
could not go through.

** Damn it...this can't be happening! It's
a dream, a horrible dream and I've had
enough of it and I want to wake up right
now!**

Willow saw him first. "Xander.." Her voice
was soft and frightened as she stood up
and embraced him.

He was almost afraid to ask. "How is she?"

Giles took an unsteady breath. "Fortunate
to be alive.

"So, what happened?"

Willow pulled away and sat back down. After
taking a moment to collect herself, she began
to explain. "She was out on a patrol. I was
about...I guess, maybe a hundred feet away
when I saw her, and I was gonna try and catch
up with her...and this vampire came out of
nowhere. I don't know why, but...he totally
took her by surprise, I could tell..."

"Just one?" Xander asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "So...well, they fought,
you know...just like a thousand times be-
fore. But...I was watching her and...and it.."

Xander filled in the blank. "It was different
this time. SHE was different."

Willow nodded again, her eyes filling with
tears. "I've never seen her like that." Her
voice trembled. "It...it was almost like she
wasn't even trying....like she wanted to..." She
couldn't bear to finish the sentence.

"Like she wanted to die?" Xander supplied
grimly, then sighed. "Maybe she does."

Four pairs of eyes stared at him, shocked
that he'd say such a thing, but fearing it
was true.

Willow struggled to continue. "I ran and
got hold of her bag. I found that big cross
she carries and the holy water...you know,
in that squirt bottle. When he saw me with
it...he let go of her and took off running. Buffy
was...she was unconscious. At first I thought
that...that she was..." Tears trickled down
her cheeks. "I...I found a pulse, but she...she
just wouldn't wake up...so I called 911. I...I
was so afraid that she might..."

Unable to say more, she wiped her face
on a balled up tissue and stared at the
floor.

Xander moved over, kneeling in front of
Dawn. "You hanging in there, honey?" he
asked, taking one of her hands and holding
it between his.

Dawn nodded, dry eyed. "I'm okay," she
said, trying to sound as though she really
was. "She'll be all right, too. I know she
will..."

Xander tried out an encouraging smile. "You
bet she will," he said, sitting on the sofa
next to her. On his other side, Anya moved
closer and leaned against his shoulder without
speaking.

Giles pulled off his glasses and rubbed his
eyes, suddenly looking much older. "I don't
know why I'm actually surprised at this," he
said quietly, drawing their attention. "She's
been so withdrawn these last few days. Not
training, and I'm sure she's lost weight that
she can't spare, so I know she hasn't
been eating properly....and she won't tell me
what's wrong."

Xander leaned his head back against the
wall and closed his eyes. "I'LL tell you
what's wrong," he said, swallowing the pain
that threatened to close his throat. "And
then...we have to figure out a way to make it
right.




Almost an hour later, they watched as a
man wearing green hospital scrubs emerged
from the room where the slayer lay un-
conscious. He spoke briefly with one of
the nurses, who nodded and gestured in
their direction.

As the doctor approached them, they all
rose to their feet at once.

"I'm Dr. Scanlon, and I've been the attending
physician treating Miss Summers. Are you
relatives?"

Not wanting to get involved with explanations,
Giles simply nodded. "Yes."

The doctor glanced at the chart in his hand
then looked up again. "Well...I'm afraid I don't
have terribly good news right now. She's lost
a lot of blood, but we've dealt with that. There
are several broken ribs, but no serious organ
damage."

He took a deep breath before hitting them
with the worst of it. "The blow to her head was
severe. She has a subdural hematoma...a
deep bruise and swelling on the brain...and it's
put her into a coma."

"Oh, God," Willow moaned, clutching Giles'
hand.

The watcher's voice was shaky. "And...and her
prognosis?"

Dr. Scanlon shrugged. "It's wait and see right
now. We want to give her time to wake up on
her own, if she's going to. I'm hoping surgery
won't be necessary...um, she appears to be at
least ten pounds below an ideal weight. Has she
been ill recently?"

They all glanced at each other. "She's had
some...emotional upheavals," Giles answered.
"She lost her mother not long ago, and...well
it's been difficult."

"I see," the doctor nodded. "Listen...I'm sorry
that I don't have anything better to tell you
right now, but it really is touch and go at the
moment." He gave them a time to absorb these
words, then said, "I'm sending her up to Intensive
Care for now, and I've placed a call to Martin Daley.
He's one of the best neurologists in the state."

He walked them towards the elevator. "My advice
for all of you would be to go home and get some
rest...but I'm doubting that you're going to follow
it."

Giles shook his head. "I'm afraid not. She's...she's
very important to us."

"I can see that," Dr. Scanlon said, giving them
a sympathetic smile. "The ICU is on the fifth floor,
and it has a much more comfortable waiting room.
I'll come up and talk to you again when Dr. Daley
arrives."

They murmured their thanks as he returned to
the nurses station, then fell silent as they waited
for the elevator.

Xander was the first to speak. "You guys go on
upstairs. I have to make a phone call first."

When the elevator doors slid shut, he pulled a
handful of change from his pocket. Returning to
the waiting area, he began feeding coins into the
payphone, then listened to the beeps and clicks
as his call was put through.

The number rang four times before it was an-
swered.

"Hi, it's Xander...I've been better...Something's hap-
pened....Yeah, it's pretty bad...We need your
help...SHE needs your help...I think you may be
the only one who can...Okay, just listen, cause it's
one hell of a story...."


TBC.....
Feedback keeps me going

Tell Me You Love Me

Part Three....




The car pulled into the gravel and dirt
parking lot of a seedy looking bar
nearly a hundred miles away from Sunny-
dale.

Any other time, Xander would have enjoyed
the opportunity to drive the powerful little
red car that the Scoobies jokingly referred
to as "Giles' Mid Life Crisis Mobile", but
tonight was not the time for casual cruising
with the top down and the sound system
cranked.

He scanned the lot, searching for a particular
black and silver Harley. There were at least
two dozen motorcycles lined up next to each
other...and one all by itself, parked well away
from the others. A loner, like the guy who
rode it.

"Way to go with the symbolism, Spike," he
muttered beneath his breath as he switched
off the engine.

For several minutes he just sat and stared
at the crappy looking little building, knowing
what kind of horror show he'd find inside, and
hoping he could summon up the nerve to
enter.

**Aw, geez..I do NOT want to go in there. Bad
vibes...really bad..**

But he had no choice.

Shaking off the feeling of approaching
disaster and possible death, he stepped
out of the car.

**For Buffy...gotta do it for her..**

Xander forced his feet to start moving quick-
ly, keeping his eyes peeled for 'unfriend-
lies', afraid that if he lost his momentum, he'd
chicken out.

A large silver cross hung around his neck,
hidden beneath his shirt, and he had a stake
concealed in the sleeve of his coat, but
these things were small comfort at the moment.

It was one thing to take on a vampire or
two when you had the comforting presence
of the slayer backing you up. It was quite
another to go blindly waltzing into a tavern
loaded with them all by your lonesome.

Giving himself a mental kick in the ass, he
squared his shoulders and entered the bar.

It was just as bad as he'd imagined it would
be.

Vampires in full game face were sitting around
the tables, talking and laughing. Every stool
at the bar was occupied, and all four pool
tables were in use.

**Shit...they're everywhere...**

He hadn't seen this many vampires in
one place since Graduation day.

A bakers dozen of them were beating up
on a bank of pinball machines lined up
against one wall. There were several
intense card games being played, as
well as darts, checkers, and an arm
wrestling competition that would surely
deprive one of the contestants of an arm.

Music blasted from an old Wurlitzer juke,
and there seemed to be an argument
going on between a couple of members
of the undead club as to exactly which
song would be played next.

Actually, had it not been for the pre-
dilection of the clientele towards violence
and blood letting, it looked like a fun place
to hang out.

It was almost amusing to see vampires
doing ordinary, everyday things...in their
own weird way.

All of them...every last scuzzy one...was
drinking some kind of alcohol. Vampire
waitresses bobbed and weaved around
the crowded bar, looking every bit as pro-
fessional as the ones who worked at the
Bronze, different only in the intimidating
growling and snarling they displayed when-
ever a customer tried to play a little grab-
ass.

Most of the mixed drinks on the trays they
carried had a familiar red tint. A Bloody
Mary was an entirely different beverage in
this joint, and NOT because there was no
celery stalk garnish offered.

Xander had never felt so out of place in his
life, and he wished desperately that he could
be anywhere...ANYWHERE ...else in the
world than where he was.

Back in high school, standing in front of
a class wearing nothing but a jock strap; or
sucking face with an Incan mummy; or sitting
in a steam room with the future entrees at
Tony's Seafood Shack, inhaling fishy steroids
until he grew gills; or in a cage, waiting to
lose his virginity and his head at the same
time.

Shit, he'd even rather be back at dysfunction
junction, sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner
with his entire family after a day spent watch-
ing them drain a bowl of spiked fruit punch and
a keg of beer, while they argued about which
football game to watch.

**No, scratch that last one..I'd much rather be
here..**

Fortunately for him, despite his glaring 'human-
ness', none of the bar's patrons appeared to
notice him.

**Now, let's just keep it that way, shall we?**

His eyes searched the room until they found
the object of their quest sitting at a table by
himself in the farthest corner of the bar. There
was a glass and a bottle on the table in front
of him, and Xander could easily see what
sort of mood he was in. He looked tightly
wound up and hostile, as if he were daring
someone to bother him.

For HIS part, Xander didn't particularly want
to be that someone. When Spike got pissed
off enough, he sometimes forgot about the chip
in his head until after he'd planted his fist in
the face of the person who'd angered him.

"Here goes nothing." Screwing his courage
to the sticking place, he lowered his head,
hoping that if he kept his lack of vampire
features hidden, he might arrive at his des-
tination with all his innards still intact.

But, as HIS luck would ALWAYS have it, a
cold hand clamped down on his shoulder
when he was less than ten feet from his
goal.

**Shit! Shit, shit, shit and double shit!**

"Well, don't YOU look fresh and yummy? And
I haven't eaten in hours."

Xander turned to face his admirer.

The vamp had thin, greasy hair, and a face
that looked like it had been smacked with a
shovel. Flat and upturned, his nose could pass
for a snout, and his yellow eyes bulged
almost out of their sockets, as though he was
suffering from an over active thyroid gland.

He was only medium height, but he had to
go close to three hundred pounds, with a
gut hanging down over his belt.

**Cute...how the hell do they get so fat when
all they eat is blood?**

Trying to look like he wasn't about to crap
his pants, Xander smiled pleasantly. "Hey,
know what? I'll bet there's a snack bar in
this place that has a snack with your name
on it. Why don't you go find it, and stuff
yourself?"

His brain telegraphed an urgent message: WHAT
THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST EVERY ONE
OF YOUR MARBLES?! NEVER, NEVER TAUNT
A HUNGRY VAMPIRE!!

The vamp was no more pleased at his behavior
than he was himself, and it released an impres-
sive growl when Xander tried to disengage his
shoulder from it's grasp.

Painfully tightening his hand on his prospective
meal, the vamp spun Xander around and
lunged at his throat. The thing moved so fast,
that he had no chance to use his stake or fumble
out his cross.

**Well, this is it for me. This is where I die. Good-
bye Anya...sorry, Buffy...**

He yelped with surprise when he felt a hand
grab him by the collar of his coat, jerking
him out of reach of his attacker's fangs.

Spike dragged him a few feet away, then stepped
into the other vampire's path.

"I'll tell you what" he said. "I'm gonna give you
a chance to re-think this. I'll count to three, and
if you're still standing here then I'm-gonna-kill-
you-one-two-three."

Fatty stood his ground for a moment, then
backed off. "Hey, we're good, man." He raised
both hands in a conciliatory gesture. "No prob-
lem. Didn't know he was YOUR dinner. No hard
feelings, huh?"

Spike said nothing, staring the vamp down in
deadly silence.

Xander watched as his would be chow hound
slunk off, heading for the bar. "Thanks."

Spike turned to face him, scowling. "What in
bloody hell are YOU doing here?"

"Um...looking for you. Believe it or not."

Spike continued to glare. "For me?" He
shook his head in disgust. "Well, isn't
that just bloody marvelous?"

Returning to his table, he sat down and
filled his glass. "I just can't win," he mused
bitterly. "Every time I think I've finally
shaken the dust of that shitty little
town off my heels...."

Tilting his head back, he practically
threw the alcohol down his throat.

Knowing that if he waited to be asked
he'd be standing there until Judgement
Day, Xander pulled out a chair and sat
down across the table from the angry
vampire.

"Look, I didn't come here just to piss
you off," he explained. "I've got something
to tell you that I think you'd want to know
about."

"How the hell did you even find me?" Spike
asked, slamming his glass back down on
the table. "This isn't exactly a popular tou-
rist attraction."

Xander hesitated. "I had help."

"From who?"

"From...someone with connections to this
type of place."

"A vampire...with connections...helping
you?" Spike looked doubtful. "Right."

"Yeah, right!" Xander insisted, leveling a
direct gaze at Spike. "Someone who knows
how you operate...where you'd go."

"IS that so?" Spike poured another drink,
then offered the bottle. "And just who would that
be?"

Xander was about to refuse the bottle, then
changed his mind. He had no intention of
drinking from it...God only knew what it
contained...but he figured he should try to keep
Spike from getting too hammered.

"That's not important right now," he said. "I
need to tell you something else first...and
it's not good."

Spike released a short laugh. "It's not good?
When did you ever tell me anything that
WAS good?"

"It's about Buffy." Xander watched Spike's
face for a reaction.

"Buffy?" Spike drained his glass, his features
impassive. "What about her? And, more
to the point, why should I care?"

"Because she's..."

"Did the slayer send you after me? What's
wrong? Something big and scary due to
show in Sunnydale and try to end the world?
Something little Miss I-Don't-Need-Anyone
can't deal with?" Spike reached for the
bottle. "Well, that's just too damn bad. She's
gonna have to figure this one out on her own.
I don't wanna play anymore."

Xander rolled his eyes, sighing. "Cut the crap,
Spike. I know all about your 'thing' with Buffy,
so don't bother trying to cover."

Spike raised icy blue eyes to meet Xander's
gaze. "Just what do you THINK you know?"

"I know that you're in love with her," Xander
shrugged. "But I've known about THAT for
a long time." He met the vampire's glare un-
flinchingly. "I also know that you're...sleep-
ing together..."

He was surprised when Spike's eyes darted
away at these words. "And I know that she loves
you."

Spike stared at the wall for a few seconds,
then looked back at Xander with a bitter smile.
"Well, you're partially right. But she...she
doesn't love me."

"That's not what she told ME." Xander leaned
back in his chair and folded his arms across
his chest.

Spike frowned. "What are you talking about?" he
asked. "What do you mean?"

"I found her in your room on the day you skipped
town," Xander replied. "She was upset and crying,
and when I asked her what was wrong...she told
me the whole sordid tale."

Spike leaned forward. "What did she say?"

"That you left because she wouldn't tell you
what her true feelings for you were. I asked her
what she meant and she said that...she loves
you, she's IN love...with YOU."

The vampire sat back, shaking his head in
disbelief. "You probably misunderstood her.
I don't think..."

Xander cut him off. "I didn't misunderstand any-
thing. She said, and I quote, 'I love him, and I
never told him.' Those are simple words...even
for a simpleton like me."

Spike was silent a moment, trying to process
this information. "But, if it's true...why didn't
she come herself? Why did she send you to
this...this well connected vampire? Why didn't
SHE come?"

"She can't come," Xander said. "And she didn't
send me. This was my own idea."

Spike stared at him. "What the hell do you mean,
she didn't send you?" His voice rose in anger and
volume. "Does she even know you're here?"

"No." Xander shook his head. "She's..."

He stopped when Spike banged one fist
down on the table, making the bottle and
glass clatter.

"Then how do YOU know this is what SHE
wants?" he demanded furiously. "How do
you know she even wants to see me?"

He was almost shouting, and Xander glanced
around uneasily, hoping this little scene wasn't
drawing unwanted attention. "She does," he said
firmly and quietly. "You'll just have to take my
word for it."

"NO!" Spike hit the table again, with the flat of
his hand. "No, I bloody will NOT! If she wants
to talk to me, why doesn't she damn well come
herself?"

Xander's patience ran out. "Because she's in
the hospital!" he said sharply. "Half dead!"

Spike looked at him in shock, all the con-
frontational anger draining out of him. "The
hospital? Why? Why is she in the hospital?
What's wrong?"

Xander took a deep breath, knowing that
things were about to go from bad to worse.
"The other night, she..."

"Is she sick? Did she have an accident?"
Spike's jaw dropped. "She wasn't trying to
drive was she?"

Despite the seriousness of the situation,
Xander was a little amused at the look on
Spike's face. **Yeah...I can see how much
you 'don't' care...**

"Settle down and I'll tell you."

Spike's jaw clenched. "Tell me fast!"

With another deep breath, Xander began
again.

"The other night, she was out on patrol. She
met up with this vampire and...she got hurt."

"Yeah?" Spike was obviously waiting for
something bigger. "Wait...are you telling me
that she fought ONE vampire and got hurt?
Not a whole group of them?"

Xander nodded. "One vampire."

"One ordinary, run of the mill vampire. No special
powers? Magic spells? Hypnosis?"

"I don't think so."

Spike looked pole-axed. "One plain vampire hurt
her?"

"Yeah. One." Xander said. "And he didn't just
hurt her. He worked her over badly enough
to put her in the hospital."

"What did he do to her?" Spike's voice was low
with suppressed rage. Someone was gonna pay
for this...

"A few minor things. You know...the kind of stuff
she usually just shakes right off. But...he also
hit her across the back of the head with some-
thing...a piece of metal pipe, maybe..."

Feeling shaky, Xander grabbed the bottle off
the table and took a long swallow, no longer
caring about the contents.

"It...it put her into a coma," he went on. "And
she's not waking up."

The alcohol burned a path down his throat and
into his stomach, where it sloshed around
unpleasantly. He set the bottle down before he
continued.

"The doctors aren't sounding very optimistic. If
she doesn't wake up soon, they might have to
operate. Brain surgery. It's risky...and she's
in no shape for it."

Spike rubbed his eyes, then lowered his clenched
fists to the table. "Wait a minute," he said trying
to clarify things in his own mind. "I've seen her
take on ten vampires without even breaking a nail! How
the hell did this one manage to hurt her so badly?"

Knowing he had to get Spike on the road soon,
Xander decided to be brutally frank. "Because
ever since YOU disappeared she's been skidding
downhill. She doesn't train, she hardly eats or
sleeps, and when she fights...she's making mis-
takes that she can't afford to make. It's almost
like she's trying to..."

He couldn't say it, so Spike finished the sentence
for him. "Let herself get killed."

"Yes." Xander pressed his palms down on the
table to keep his hands from shaking. "That's
why I came here looking for you. We all thought
that...we hoped...that if you came back, maybe
you could get through to her. If she just somehow
knows you're there, then..."

He stopped and took a shuddering breath, re-
leasing it slowly. "I don't know," he added. "It
might not even make a difference at this point."

"Christ!" Spike said harshly, jumping to his
feet so violently that the chair toppled over
backwards. Without another word, he headed
for the door, shoving vampires roughly out of
his way.

Xander followed immediately, just in case
his previous close encounter saw him alone
and decided to take another crack at him.

By the time he was out the door, Spike was
already swinging one leg over the saddle of
his motorcycle. Xander had to move fast to
catch up with him.

As he approached, Spike flung his head up
and glared at him in fury. "Where the hell
were YOU when this happened to her?"

Xander stopped in his tracks, not knowing
how to respond to Spike's implication. "I...I
didn't know..."

Spike just steam-rolled right over him. "She's
been falling apart for days, you said. FOR
DAYS! So...where were you? And where
the hell was her BLOODY WATCHER? Having
tea, with his nose buried in a book?"

Xander had no idea what to say. The galling
truth was that Spike was right. They all
should have seen it coming, him especially.

He had been the one to find her in tears and
despair, the one she'd confided her unhappiness
in...and he had failed her.

They had all failed her...and now Buffy was
paying for it.

"Why in bloody hell did you let her go out alone?"

"She wasn't alone." Xander seized on the ques-
tion as a possible excuse, then gave it a stupid
answer. "Willow was there."

The moment the words passed his lips, he
wished he could take them back. He knew
exactly what was coming. No one dished out
sarcasm like Spike.

"Ohhh...Willow was there," Spike said, true to
form. "Well, why didn't you say so? Willow is
SO good in a fight! Thank goodness she was
there or something BAD might have happened!"

Xander's face turned red under the lash of
Spike's words. "All right...I get your..."

"You shouldn't have let her go out AT ALL,
you idiot!" Spike snapped.

Now, Xander felt himself becoming a little
angry as well. "Right!" he said hotly. "Have
you EVER tried to stop Buffy from doing
something....especially when it comes
to slaying? What were we supposed to do?"

Inwardly, he cringed. **Cop out a little more,
big mouth...**

"EVERYTHING!" Spike shouted. "Every-
thing you could do, up to and including
handcuffing her to her bed frame!" He
reached into his pocket, digging for his
keys. "THAT...is what you were supposed
to do!"

As he kick started the motorcycle, Xander
could hear him muttering to himself.

"Hang on, baby. I'm coming. You hang on
for me."

The engine fired up with a roar, and Xander
had to step back quickly as Spike left the
parking lot with a spray of dirt and gravel,
hitting the highway with the throttle wide open.

He watched the bike's tail lights disappear into
the dark, then returned to the BMW, and
keyed the ignotion.

**Okay, God...please....please just keep her
alive until he gets there...and let him be able
to help her....cause he's our last hope.**

With a look of grim determination, he
threw the car into gear, then slammed his
foot down on the accelerator and headed
back to Sunnydale


TBC.....
Feedback keeps me going!

Title: Tell Me You Love Me
Author:Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine
Summary: Spike is fed up with Buffy's
refusal to admit that she loves him. He
leaves town. She falls apart. Help
comes from the last person(s)
you'd expect.



Part Four...

At five minutes before two a.m., Spike
walked into the waiting room of Mercy
Hospital's Intensive Care Unit, startling
the occupants.

"Where is she?" he asked curtly.

Willow found her voice first. "He found you!"

Spike didn't bother to reply. "Where is she?"
he asked again.

Giles answered him. "Room eleven. But
they won't let you in. We tried."

Spike barely spared a glance for the
man. "They won't keep me out," he
said as he turned his back. "Just LET
them try."

He found room eleven and, bracing him-
self, pushed the door open and stepped
inside.

All during the trip home, his imagination
had tormented him with visions of what he
might find when he arrived.

Just the idea of Buffy being so terribly hurt
was enough to send him into a blind panic.

In spite of what he had said to Xander, Spike
blamed himself utterly for what had happened
to the slayer. Had it not been for his callous
desertion of her, Buffy would not be here.

Knowing how frightened she was of hospitals
only made his guilt worse.

This was his fault...every bit of it. Selfish bas-
tard that he was, he had demanded she admit
that she loved him, and when she hadn't, he
had punished her for it by leaving without a word
of goodbye.

He had left her here to fight the nightly battle
on her own, with no one to help her or protect
her except for a bunch of kids who tried, but
could only do so much, and a watcher who felt
it was high time she stopped leaning on him.

And now, just look at what had happened.

**Look at what you've done, you heartless son
of a bitch...look at her, lying here fighting for
her life...because of you**

At least he HOPED she was fighting. Be-
cause...because if she wasn't, if she'd
surrendered to that greedy bitch, Death...

He didn't even want to THINK of such a
thing. He knew he wouldn't be able to
bear it.

He had survived losing Drusilla. It had been
painful, but he had survived it and gotten
over her.

There was no chance that he would survive
losing Buffy. She was his life. Without her,
there was nothing.

This little slayer had burrowed into his heart
so deeply that he would never...EVER be free
again.

And if she died...there was no power on earth
that would keep him in this world.

Buffy lived a dangerous life, courting death on
a nightly basis. Over the years, his imagina-
tion had conjured up all manner of horrifying
possibilities.

But all of those scenarios put together couldn't
even begin to compare to the reality before
his eyes.

She lay unconscious in a hospital bed that
seemed to swallow her tiny frame. Her left
arm was strapped to a board and had an
IV needle inserted, feeding her vital fluids.

Her face was as white as paper, except for
some bruising and a cut over her right eye
that had been neatly stitched.

She looked so still and lifeless that for one
awful moment, Spike was afraid that he'd
been too late and she had died.

But the machines she was hooked up to
emitted a steady series of beeps and clicks,
assuring him that she was not gone.

He had no intention of letting her go. Not with-
out him.

"Hi, sweetheart," he said softly. "I'm back.
Came back to you, luv."

Lowering himself into the chair beside the bed,
he took her right hand in both of his and
kissed it, then pressed it to his cheek.

Her skin was cold. He could feel it, even
through his own low temperature, and it
frightened him badly.

Buffy had always been his golden girl, warm
and vibrant, and so alive. How could this be
his bright eyed princess?

"I couldn't stay away from you, luv. Shouldn't
even have tried. It was damn stupid of me."

His throat was tight with pain. "Please wake up,
baby," he begged. "Open those beautiful eyes. Do
it for me."

He leaned closer, watching for some sign that
she had heard him, that she was trying to
come back to him.

"I'm so sorry for leaving you that way. I
promise I'll never do it again if you'll just
open your eyes."

Nothing.

"Open your eyes, Buffy!" His tone was a
little harsher now, as though he could bully
her into it. "Come on...you've been sleeping
long enough, you lazy girl. It's time to wake
up."

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes.

**Please...please don't let this happen. Don't
take her away from me. I know I don't deserve
her...but please don't take her...please**

He prayed to a deity he had lost faith in long
ago, to a god who was no doubt thinking
that it had certainly been a long time since
he'd heard anything from this particular quarter.

When he finally opened his eyes, they were
brimming with tears. "Wake up, Buffy! You
have to wake up and come back to me. Be-
cause...because I can't..."

His voice suddenly broke. "Damn it, girl! You
fight this! Don't you dare give up! Don't you
goddamn dare! You're the slayer...and you
don't quit...ever! And you sure as hell don't let
a vampire do this to you! Now...fight! FIGHT, DAMN
IT. FIGHT..."

He had thought he'd known what pain was,
but he realized now that he didn't even
know the meaning of the word.

Any hurt he'd ever experienced before, both
before and after being turned, was nothing
compared to the agony of watching as the
girl he loved slipped further out of his reach.

"I'll fight with you, Buffy, but you...you have to
help me. You...Buffy, I love you...I need you.
I just..."

With those choked words, Spike finally lost
whatever modicum of control he'd been clinging
to by his fingertips.

Sick with pain and grief, he buried his face
against her side and cried harder than he'd
ever cried before. Harsh, painful tears racked
his entire body.

"No," he moaned. "No, no, no...not her. Please
not her...I'll do anything...anything..."

"Don't cry."

The sound was so weak that he nearly mis-
sed hearing it in the force of his tears.

He raised his head, almost afraid to hope.

"Buffy? Baby? Can you hear me?"

"S-Spike...?"

"I'm here, baby. I'm holding your hand." He
squeezed it gently."I'm right here."

She was struggling to keep her eyes open,
trying to speak.

"What is it, baby? I'm listening." Spike
said, smoothing her hair back from her
face.

A small sigh escaped her lips. "Love you...love
you so...much...always...it's you...there's
only...you..."

He had waited so long to hear this, had ima-
gined the words she would use, whether she
would be bold or shy in telling him.

Over and over again, he'd pictured it in his
mind, down to the smallest detail.

Where would she tell him? How would she
tell him? And most of all...WHEN would she
tell him?

All this made for some truly wonderful dreams.
But, as sweet as those dreams had been, the
reality was ever so much sweeter.

"I love you, too, sweetheart," he said, smiling
down at her as she tried to focus. "I love...Buffy!"

He stopped cold when he saw her eyes begin
to drift shut. "Honey, no! Keep your eyes open!
Don't go back to sleep! BUFFY!" he shouted.

"Stop that right now!"

Spike whipped his head around, glaring
at a nurse standing at the foot of the bed.

She glared right back at him. "How did you
get in here?" she demanded.

"Get out!" he snarled angrily, turning back
to Buffy and seeing that her eyes were com-
pletely closed. "Damn it!" he swore softly, then
raised his voice. "Buffy!"

"Stop shouting at her and leave this room,
or I'll call security and they'll make you
leave the hard way."

Suppressing another angy growl, Spike
assumed a more protective posture over
his lover.

"I'm warning you." The nurse took a step
closer.

A red haze clouded Spike's vision, and his
demon began struggling to emerge, sensing
a need to defend it's mate.

"Go..away..now!" he said, a hint of threat in
his tone.

"I am NOT going to tell you again! Leave!"

Fear for Buffy, coupled with anger at this
interference, finally pushed Spike's frustration
level to it's absolute limit.

Logically, he knew the nurse was just trying
to protect her patient from someone she
saw as a threat, but he couldn't let that alter
his course. He had to get rid of this bitch,
and concentrate on the slayer.

And he only knew one way to do it.

Eyes blazing with golden fire, the demon
broke through. Spike waited for the trans-
formation to be complete, for his fangs to
emerge, for his face to become the stuff of
nightmares.

When it was done, he began to turn around,
wanting to frighten this colossal pain in his
ass into an early grave.

But before he could do it, he felt a small hand
on his cheek, preventing him from turning
his head.

"No," Buffy said, looking up at him through
impossibly beautiful eyes. "Don't look at her.
Look at me. There's only me."

"There's only you," Spike repeated automa-
tically, forcing the demon to stand down.
"Buffy..." She slipped her hand behind his
neck, tugging weakly until he lowered his head
beside hers on the pillow. "Oh, god...baby..."

"Shh," she hushed him softly. "S' all right.
You're home now...everything's all right."

"Yeah," he said, pressing his lips against her
cheek. "I'm home...and I'm never letting you
out of my sight again."

Buffy stroked and petted him, then looked at
the nurse. "It's okay," she said. "I want him
here." He lifted his head and looked into
her eyes. "This is...where he belongs."

The nurse pulled a chart from it's slot on
the wall. "All right," she said. "I'll page
Dr. Daley and let him know you're awake."

Before she left the room, she turned to
Spike. "No more shouting."

He gave Buffy a rueful look. "You know, the
whole world is gonna come rushing in that
door in a few seconds."

"I know." Her voice was a little stronger. "But
then they'll leave...and we'll be the whole world."

Spike felt all the pent up tension and nausea
inducing fear begin to fade away, and he leaned
over to kiss her cheek again.

"God, Buffy," he said quietly. "I don't think I've
ever been as scared as I was at the thought
of losing you...of you being hurt like this."

"How did you know?"

"Uh...Xander. He found me. Never did tell me
how." Spike chuckled. "Stupid git almost got
himself eaten, coming into a vamp bar with
his bare face hanging out."

Buffy smiled. "Don't make me laugh. I've got
the worst headache."

"I imagine you do." He became suddenly
serious. "This was all my fault."

When his gaze dropped away from hers, she
cupped his chin in her hand and made him look
at her. "No, it wasn't."

Spike swallowed. "Buffy...if I hadn't left...if I
had just..."

He knew now that he would never have been
able to stay away. Not for long. Sooner or later,
the need to see her...to hear her voice...to hold
her in his arms...would have overwhelmed his
resolve not to return.

She had far too strong a hold on his heart.

It had taken this whole awful experience to firmly
drive home the fact that any life without Buffy
was unbearable...and he wanted no part of it.

"If I had...told you how much I love you...none of
this would have happened. I...set this in motion.
Not...you." He tried to speak, but she placed
a gentle finger against his lips. "Just...promise
me..."

"Anything, baby," he vowed.

"No matter what happens..if we fight..or
scream..or I say horrible things...promise
you'll never leave me...again."

Spike smiled, tucking a lock of her hair
behind her ear, a tender gesture that would
have once been completely foreign to him.

"What a relief," he teased. "I thought you were
gonna ask something hard."

"Promise..."

"I promise." He leaned closer. "You know me,
honey...I'm the long haul guy."

"Kiss me."

When his lips were almost touching hers, he
paused. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you...love you."

He kissed her...and the door flew open...and
the whole world rushed in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Xander stood by the door, watching everyone
fuss over Buffy.

Spike sat next to her on the bed, holding her
hand tightly in his, refusing to move even when
the doctor examined her.

She was out of intensive care and was currently
occupying a room on the medical floor. Typically,
she'd begun to pester the doctors about letting
her go home.

Xander had already spoken with her. He'd
leaned over the bed and accepted her kiss on
his cheek and soft "Thank you" whispered in
his ear.

Spike had squeezed his shoulder and spoken
quietly. "I owe you. You need anything...you see
me first."

Only half listening to the chatter in the room,
Xander sent a final thanks of his own heaven-
ward.

Remembering that he had one more thing to
do, he slipped unnoticed from the room and
headed for the payphone.

This time, the call was answered after one ring.

"Hi, it's me...Yeah, I did...He's here with her
now...They said she's gonna be fine...Oh, yeah
I'd say so...Very happy...Do you want me to
tell her that...Okay...Someday, though...I will...Of
course, I promise...No, man, thank YOU...Hey,
how's Cordelia?...You're kidding...Well, that's
great...You tell her I said hello....Yeah, you
too...Bye."

He hung up the phone and returned to Buffy's
room.

"All right, young lady," he said loudly. "You
want to explain yourself...letting some stupid
vampire get the drop on you. Relax, Spike...I
meant the other stupid vampire.'

There was a burst of laughter as the door
swung slowly closed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



(Three weeks later....)

"You sure you're ready for this?"

"Sure, I'm sure. You know I heal fast.
And besides," Buffy grinned. "You're with
me and you won't let me get hurt."

"You've got that right, gorgeous," he
agreed, smiling back at her. "No vampire's
gonna make a midnight snack out of MY
girl...except for me, of course."

"Oh, aren't you funny?"

"I've always thought so. Hey, give me a kiss
and tell me again."

Buffy stopped walking and stepped into
Spike's waiting arms. Raising her face, she
said, "I love you," then kissed him long and
hard.

After a minute, she nudged him away. "Some-
times you forget that I need to breathe once
in a while."

Spike laughed. "Is that right? Well, take a
deep breath, baby, cause I'm not even close
to stopping."

Sliding his arms around her waist, he lifted her
until her feet left the ground, capturing her
mouth with a fierce and unending hunger.

After several feverish kisses, Buffy's toes
once again made contact with the wet grass.

"Had enough?" she asked.

Spike shook his head. "Oh, hell no. I can
never have enough. But I'll stop for now so we
can get finished here and go home."

Home for them both now, was a small house
on Revello Drive.

They walked along quietly, weaving in and out
amongst the tombstones, until Buffy broke the
silence.

"Thank you again for my ring," she said,
tilting her hand to make the diamond glitter
in the moonlight. "It's so beautiful."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," Spike replied,
lifting her hand and kissing it. "I'm glad you like
it."

"Like it? I love it!" she declared. "Haven't you
noticed that I never take it off?"

"Good." His voice was proud, and a little
possessive. "I want every man you meet to know
that you're taken."

"Every night," she added with a sassy smile.

"Smart ass," he said fondly, giving her a light
swat on the behind.

She giggled. "Can't imagine where I might
have learned....HEY! I know YOU!"

Spike followed her gaze, and saw a heavy
set vampire leaning against the marble wall
of a mausoleum. "Don't tell me..."

"That's him," Buffy replied.

The vampire straightened up and strolled
towards them with an air of pure arrogance.
"Slayer! I heard you were still alive. You
got lucky that night, I was a little off my game."

"Is that a fact?" Buffy asked, one hand on her
hip.

"It won't happen again, girlie." The vampire
gave Spike a dismissive once over and grinned.
"This one won't be able to help you either."

Spike stared at the other vampire, amazed at
his audacity. "You MUST be new in town."

Ignoring him, the vampire kept his eyes on
Buffy. "You shouldn't have come looking for
me, Slayer. But since you did, I'm gonna
finish what I started."

"Do tell," Buffy said.

"I'm gonna break you apart, little girl," he
said. "I'll pull your heart from your chest
and swallow it whole...then I'll wash it down
with every last drop of your blood." His
voice rose in volume and triumph. "The
blood...of the SLAYER!"

There was a short silence.

Spike sighed, rolling his eyes. "Oh, the drama
of it all." He looked at Buffy. "Tell me I never
sounded like THAT."

She smiled and shook her head. "Of course not,
baby," she said. "You're the Big Bad...not some
fat sack of demon-wanna be that's too stupid
to keep his mouth shut and his fly zipped. Not that
there's much to see," she added, staring the vamp
right in the pants.

The vampire glanced down at himself, then
back at Buffy. "You ready to die, Slayer?"

She gazed up at Spike, a question in her eyes.

Hesitating a moment, he released her hand. "Oh,
all right...go and play. Just don't drag it out," he
requested. "I think it's gonna rain, so kill him quick
and lets go home."

Buffy's eyes sparkled. "I can do quick."

Spike watched as the vampire pulled a crow
bar from beneath his coat. "Hang on," he
said, catching her arm. "On second thought,
make it hurt. And before you finish him...shove
that thing up his ass."

Buffy's smile grew wider. "Be right back." Turning
on one heel, she took a running jump at the
vampire. "Let's do it, big mouth!"

Spike folded his arms across his chest and
leaned back against a tree, watching the show.

No matter how many times he saw it, he never
got tired of watching Buffy work.

A few moments later, the silence of the
graveyard was split in two by a howl of pure
agony.

Spike winced, shaking his head. "Now THAT
looked like it hurt."



TBC....(the NC-17 part)

Title: Tell Me You Love Me
Author:Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com




Part 5...



Spike smiled as she skipped back to
him, wiping the dust off her hands.

"Talk about the perfect way to get back
to business," she said.

"Did you enjoy that?" he asked, sliding his
arm around her waist and hauling her
close.

"I did, I really did," she replied, returning
his embrace. "Sometimes it's good to be
the slayer."

"Mmm," Bending his head, he kissed her
hard. "I'm glad you got your closure," he
said when he pulled away. "But that was
a hell of a sacrifice for me."

"Meaning?"

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to
be the one to stomp him into the fucking
ground."

Spike had spent the last few weeks
doing exactly three things; Changing
his place of residence, spoiling Buffy
24/7, and making plans to track down
and slaughter the son of a bitch
that had almost killed her.

He'd put out a few feelers, searching
for information about any vampires who
might be strutting around bragging about
the deed, but hadn't heard anything definite,
and he'd figured that the guilty one must
have decided to get out of town while the
getting was good.

But, as badly as he'd wanted to be
the one to kill that bastard in painful
ways, he was glad that Buffy had ended
up doing it. Tonight, she had taken back
her power and it was making her look more
beautiful than ever.

She was absolutely glowing. Her green
eyes were dancing, her skin was flushed
and a little damp, and her hair was touseled
in a way that suggested....

Oh, yes.

Buffy had moved away, and was turning
for home, still talking about something
that wasn't registering with him. He took a
firmer hold on her hand and yanked her
to a stop.

"What?" she asked, her brow furrowed. "Is
something wrong?"

Spike had been holding himself back since
she'd come home from the hospital. As
rapidly as she healed, he had come too
close to losing her and he hadn't wanted
to do anything that might have set back her
recovery.

But he had just witnessed a fantastic
display of the slayer's recuperative powers.
If SHE was up for a fight, then HE was
definitely up for her.

"I thought you wanted to go home."

Spike placed his hands on her shoulders,
spun her around and pushed her up against
the same crypt wall they'd found Buffy's
attacker leaning against.

She was smiling at him now. "It's gonna rain,"
she reminded him.

"So?" he replied, pinning her to the wall
with his body. "What's a little water? You're
not made of cake."

Buffy was obviously feeling playful. "We have
that nice big bed waiting for us."

"Oh, we'll get there," he promised. "Later. Right
now, I have something else for you that's nice
and big." He took her hand and placed it on the
hard bulge in the front of his jeans.

Her fingers squeezed gently. "Oh, that IS big!"
she commented. "I suppose you want me to do
something about it."

He covered her hand with his, making her squeeze
a little harder. "If..you don't mind," he managed to say.

She pretended to think it over. "Well...it has been a
long time since we've made love outside, hasn't it?"

"Mm-hmm." He swallowed hard when he felt her
unzip his jeans. Moving his hands up her sides, he
cupped her breasts, hissing through his clenched
teeth when he felt her soft fingers on his bare flesh.

"And...you deserve something nice for letting
me have the kill." With those words, she grabbed
the sides of his jeans and shoved them down, then
sank to her knees and took his shaft into her mouth.

As always, the heat and wetness nearly undid
him. He had to brace his hands on the wall
behind her to keep from collapsing in a panting
heap.

"Christ," he muttered harshly, closing his eyes
tightly. "Yes...that's so good. Right there...use
your tongue right under the ridge...oh...harder,
babe..."

She released him from her mouth just long
enough to utter two short words. "Watch me."

He did as she asked, opening his eyes and
looking down to meet hers as he saw his
cock slide in and out of her mouth.

It was a powerfully erotic sight, and he had
to concentrate on not coming right then and
there.

Not that she would have objected, but he
just wasn't ready to stop this delicious tor-
ment, not yet.

Her head stopped moving up and down on
him. He knew what she meant by that, what
she wanted him to do. She remained still
and he began to move his hips in shallow
thrusts. Her hands pushed his pants down
all the way around his ankles, and she took
hold of his ass, signaling that he could pump
a little faster.

He kept one hand on the wall, and placed
the other one on the back of her head,
fondling her silky hair.

"That's good," he murmured, "You have the
sweetest mouth, baby...the warmest...wet-
test..ahh...use your little tongue, kitten...you
know...what I like."

Obediently, she stopped sucking and began
licking.

"That's it," he encouraged. "That's my good
girl...such a good girl...so pretty and soft."

He moved his legs apart a fraction of an inch
more. "Play with me,"

Buffy brought one hand around and cupped
his scrotum, fondling it, feeling his balls
move in her hand.

When one finger moved even further down
beneath his sac, he grunted and his head
jerked back. "Stop..." he ground out.

Rising to her feet, Buffy quickly unzipped
her own slacks and pushed them down
and off.

Spike shoved her sweater up beneath her
arms, almost tearing her bra open. She
grabbed him by the back of his neck and
jerked his head down to her breasts.

"Now YOU suck hard!" she demanded.

Perfectly willing to give her anything she
wanted, he went at her like a hungry animal.
Fast and hard, he went from one taut nipple
to the other, licking each one before taking
it into his mouth and nursing on it.

Buffy reached down and wrapped her fingers
around his shaft, sliding them up and
down to give him the friction he craved on
his swollen flesh.

Without taking his mouth from her nipple,
he placed his hands on the cheeks of her
ass and lifted her, then turned and pinned
her to the wall.

She guided the head of his cock to her
wet opening and twined her legs around
his waist as he pushed it into her.

"Look at me," she said again.

Releasing her breast with a wet, sucking
sound, he met her hot gaze with his.

"I love you," she whispered. "Oh, honey,
I love you so much."

Hearing these words always thrilled him
to the core. She could say it a hundred
times a day and he would never tire of
hearing it. But there was something special
about hearing it during lovemaking that
drove his pleasure sky high.

"I love you, too," he said, thrusting harder,
then moving his hips from side to side. "You're
my girl...MY girl....mine..."

"Yes," she panted. "Yours...all yours."

"My baby...uhh...yeah...fuck me. You
fuck me so good...so good...you're so
tight...so hot and...wet...and..."

"Spike," she said urgently, closing her
eyes as she concentrated. "I'm coming.
It's...I'm doing it now...come with me...do
it...yes...oh...oh...harder...HARDER!"

He increased his wild pace even more,
babbling nonsense in her ear as he pounded
into her without stopping.

When she came, her internal muscles
clamped down tight around his cock,
drenching it with her slick fluid.

The warm pulsing wetness was all he
needed to push him over the edge. He
fell over it...dove into it...abandoned
himself in it.

With one last thrust, he shot every
drop of his semen into her, filling her
to overflowing as he cried out one word.

"BUFFY!!!"

She responded by tightening her arms
around his neck, and pressing his face
against hers as she stroked his hair.

"I'm here, I'm right here," she crooned
softly in his ear. "Right here with you, baby."

Spike squeezed his eyes shut, as
his emotions threatened to overwhelm
him. He tried to control it, burrowing his
face deeper against her neck.

"I almost lost you," he whispered.

Buffy's heart nearly broke. He sounded
like nothing more than a frightened little
boy right now, and she increased the
pressure of her embrace.

"But you didn't" she said fiercely, trying
to comfort him. "Spike...YOU found
me...and brought me back."

Her words got through to him, and he
finally lifted his head to look into her
eyes. So much love shone in them, and
he knew that it was all there for him.

Everything was going to be all right now.

"I'll always find you," he vowed. "No matter
what happens, I'll find you...and bring
you home."



The End


(that wasn't too mushy at the end was it? I
get a little carried away sometimes with the
lovin....probably cuz we didn't get any of it