He stood there, for how long he didn’t quite know but he stood proud and tall. Proud to have known the woman who he prayed for. Taller because of the man he’d become for her. The slight tremble in his legs remained unseen by all except the young woman who stood next to him.

“Is she really gone this time?” Dawn asked gently, as if a hard sound could break them both.

He looked at her and smiled, “Let’s hope so Niblet, she deserves her peace.”

Dawn returned the smile as best she could, searching for his hand in the dark cemetery. The sound of Willow crying and Xander trying to soothe her didn’t even penetrate the world Spike and Dawn were in right now, in their world, Buffy was alive and happy; free of the torment years of being a slayer had caused.

He looked at Dawn and nodded his head, “Time to go.”

Dawn turned and began to walk slowly past the few people who had been invited to the night-time burial, head held high, she was the sister of the greatest slayer in the world, nothing would ever make her feel like anything less than that.

Spike withdrew a yellow rose from his jacket and tossed it gently on the fresh laid earth, whispering “to never land”. It was something only he and Buffy had shared, in truth, they had been her last words and as simple as they where, those two words were what Spike was holding onto with all his heart.

Spike caught up with Dawn and took her hand in his as they walked together back to their house, the house Buffy had left for only them specifically, making sure to call it Spike’s home too in her letter. He shivered at the thought of that letter. When had she taken the time to write to him? When had she known she was going to die? He was sure the answers would come in time, then again he wasn’t sure if they’d come at all, but he felt at peace with that.

He opened the door to the familiar house and walked Dawn upstairs. He knew his tiny girl was tired and when she went right to her bed fully clothed he sat next to her and sang softly to her until her eyes drifted closed and she lost herself to dreams. Smiling gently at the sleeping girl he eased out of the room quietly and shut the door softly behind him.

He was glad to have some time to himself as he walked into Buffy’s room and sat in the rocker by the window, the moon casting shadows across the room; the shadows casting memories in his minds eye.

He could hear her laugh, see her smile, feel her hits and taste her lips, he could do all this if he closed his eyes and so he did, the stress from the day ebbing from his body as he finally gave way to slumber.

When he woke Dawn was sitting on the floor next to him and he smiled down at the girl he was now the guardian of.

“You should tell your story.”

“You already know my story Niblet.”

She shook her head, “No, I meant your story, the both of yours. It should be told.”

“I couldn’t do her justice Dawn.” Spike said sadly.

Dawn looked into his eyes and with everything she felt in her voice she said, “You’re the only one who can, you’re the only one who didn’t separate her into two people. You saw her as Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. Everyone else, well they saw her as Buffy and the slayer.”

Spike smiled softly, “Well then, maybe I will.”



He stood in front of the drawn curtains of her window, his window now he remembered, and though he couldn’t see the sun behind the material he could feel its warmth seeping into his long dead bones, and he felt her in that. The letter she’d left specifically for him clutched softly in his long fingers, its words almost memorized already.

‘Spike,

Take care of her, like I would have. I don’t trust anyone else in the world enough to let them do this. She is by all ways, except for blood, your sister too. If you’re reading this well I guess I’m gone huh? Kinda’ gloomy huh?
Tell Dawny I’m sorry; tell her I know that she’ll be okay. Tell her as long as she lives I live too, she’s my blood.
You’re in my blood too Spike, maybe by the time you’ll read this I’ll have told you. Hey, maybe you’ll never have to read this…but we both know that isn’t likely. Lately I’ve been thinking it’s kind of ironic; the fact that the vampire slayer has nowhere as close to the life span as a vampire does. I’m destined to die young at the hands of something that has the capacity to never die at all. Shitty huh? 
Tell my friends I love them please, and please understand that I love you too, in my own way. I have to admit, I may not love well, but I do love Spike; and I love you with every part of me that can still do that.
I don’t know when it happened really, I wish I could tell you. It was somewhere between the night you told me and Angel love was in your blood, screaming at you to do it’s will and the night I was pulled from heaven. Maybe it was every second in between, or maybe it was a single moment when I saw the way you looked at me, the way only you could.
There’s so much that I wish I could have done with you but if this letter is in your hands you’ll have to do it for me instead. Watch Dawn grow, watch over my friends, be good to yourself.
If I’m gone there’s no doubt in my mind that you were there, fighting by my side, trying to keep me safe. It’s what you do, what you’ve always done. A part of me is sorry you had to see it; another part of me knows I must have been okay because you would have made sure to say something, anything, to make it better. That’s another thing you always did.
I bet I noticed a lot more than you though I was capable of, huh (I’m sticking my tongue out at you right now, so there )
My home has always been you’re home, get out of your crypt, take my room, just don’t ever paint it black! The women who have lived and live under this roof have always had you in their hearts and there’s nowhere else in the world you should be right now than with the ones you love.
Be brave Spike, live long and fight hard, fight for you and me, for Dawn, for everything that’s worth fighting for, and when you’re done, come back to me. I’ll be waiting, you know where, I’m sure I’ve told you about it by now but I feel too silly to write it down on paper just yet.
I’ll see you all again when it’s time.
Buffy’

Spike’s eyes scanned the paper and he smiled. It was time to sit down and do some writing himself.

He noticed how quickly the first few years flowed from his pen onto the crisp white sheets of the paper. Hundreds of pages, filled to the brim with facts, feelings, jokes and tears, trials and tribulations. It was the last few months he was having trouble putting into words.

In between the writing and the nightly slaying Spike and Dawn had grown inseparable. He cooked for her everyday, helped her with her homework, taught her how to fight and most of all he helped her go on living. That was the most important thing in the world to him, that and his memories. He knew age would eventually take his Niblet, but he vowed on his still ‘new’ soul that age would be the only thing in the world he would let take her from it. He realized that she helped him go on living as well. Sometimes she reminded him so much of Buffy that the tears would mist his eyes in a single second, and in the same second Dawn would wrap her arms around him while they remembered. Remembered her.

When the others realized that Spike had taken to writing her story they started to come by more often, Xander especially. At first Spike had been shocked to see the boy with red-rimmed eyes on the doorstep late one night in November but quickly understood that despite their once mutual hatred for each other they now shared a mutual grief and the barriers that had once seemed so solid between them came falling down. Everyone had a story to tell, a memory they didn’t want to fade from the world and so they told him, opened up to him in a way they never would have if Buffy were alive. She had given him so much in her life, and had continued to do so even after her passing. He had friends now, friends that depended on him but more importantly friends he himself could depend on.

He watched all of them grow, some their separate ways, others closer than ever before. The watcher had come by one night and given Spike his journal. Hundreds of recorded events that would help Spike fill his pages, events that needed to be told. After that the watcher had left Sunnydale, returning to England but once in a while a thick envelope would come in the mail from him. A letter for everybody inside always, even Spike himself, a check to help Dawn keep the worries of expenses from her mind, and pages upon pages of random memories that he had of Buffy and the others. Spike always wrote him back, never knowing what compelled him to do so, never stopping to ask himself why he worried about the other Brit, just knowing that he felt the need to do it.

In the blink of an eye Dawn was married with two beautiful children, Xander and Anya had walked down the aisle, and the letters from England stopped coming. Willow had made peace with herself and the things she’d done all those years ago and passed away at a young age, from what nobody ever found out. Spike himself suspected that the magic’s she’d used so much of so early on had aged her prematurely and hoped that on the other side her Glinda had been waiting.

With Dawn away from home and the others settled into their life the walls of the house seemed to close in a little. He slept most of the days and nights away, always dreaming of his girl, always meeting up with her as she’d promised in her letter.

One morning he woke up and smiled, it was time to finish the book. It was time to make himself write about her final times, it was time to tell the world about the Slayer and the Vampire, about the love they found amidst the bloodshed and the odds.



can somebody help me? i made a picture for a banner and cant figure out how to put it up...do i need my own website to do so? thanks

He could see her silhouette at Joyce’s grave, could smell her tears. Just seeing her cry could make him weep, but if she knew, she would make it seem a weakness. He refused to listen to the soft words she was speaking to her mom, knowing how personal they must be but that didn’t stop him from listening to the sound of her talk. He loved her voice. It could drive him insane or soothe him in an instant.

“Spike?”

He shook his head and let reality flood back.

“Ya kitten?”

“Where were you?” she asked softly.

He took tentative steps closer to her, “Not quite sure I follow.”

“I called you a couple of times but you were too spaced out to hear me. Where were you in there?” she asked, finger tapping her head lightly.

He smiled, “Just thinking about some things I suppose, and I didn’t wanna’ listen in.”

She smiled back, “It’s funny, sometimes I think you’re the only one who can listen to me, who can actually hear me.”

She began to walk away at a gentle pace, going nowhere, just needing to move and he followed.

“Is that right?” he asked, not willing to look her in the eyes in case she was mocking him.

“You know it is Spike, you’ve known it for a long time. There’s only so long I can stay blind to certain things, no matter how blond I am.”

Spike chuckled. “Well, you’re not a boring chit so it never hurts to listen to you…actually Slayer, sometimes it hurts a lot.”

She winced and looked at his pale face marred by the black eye she’d given him last week when one of their conversations had turned for the worse and sighed.

“I’m sorry Spike, I honestly can’t say why I do the things I do to you anymore. There’s no justification.”

“Are you feeling alright Slayer?” he asked, stopping them in their tracks and grabbing her arm to turn her towards him. There were no tears, no malice in her eyes.

She shrugged her free shoulder and smiled sadly. “Yes, no, one day…maybe never. I don’t know anymore. I just know that I’m tired of fighting. My mom wouldn’t have wanted me to be so angry.” she added wistfully.

She gently tugged her arm free of his grasp and sat down, leaning against the door of his crypt. Ever so carefully he joined her.

“No, I don’t suspect she’d want you to be anything but happy Buffy.”

“Why can’t I be friends with you? What malfunction do I have in my head that tells me to take the only person in my life who ever gave a shit about what I really wanted and beat the shit out of him on a weekly basis?”

Spike sighed, “Because I’m not the only person sweets, I’m the only THING that listens. It’s because I’m just a thing that you do what you do, because I’m one of the bad guys.”

He could feel the anger start to roll off her in waves and tensed, waiting for the blow to come, when it didn’t he looked her in the eyes, what shocked him most was that she was looking back.

“You’re not the thing Spike…I am. I am because I’m the one who made you feel this way, I’m the one who let others make you feel this way. You’re the only constant I’ve had in my life and you terrify me.”

He couldn’t move, didn’t even dare to mimic breathing at this point.

“You’re one of my best friends and I’m the bitch that tears you to shreds every Monday night.”

“Buffy…”

She stood up and brushed the brittle remnants of dried leaves from her pants, “Please, don’t say anything. Just think for a bit and let me know if we can start again okay?”

He nodded his head and watched her walk away, unable to stand up for fear his legs would give out.




Buffy woke up and looked at the window, the source of the noise that had roused her from her sleep. Tiny little ‘ping’ sounds, she smiled, someone was throwing pebbles at her window. Someone more of a night person than most she bet.

She poked her head out the window and with a giggle addressed her midnight caller.

“Spike, what are you doing here?”

For a moment she thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but ever so softly she heard the soft words.

“Am I really your best friend?”

She could have laughed at it really, a slayer and a vampire discussing their standing with one another in the early pre-dawn hours, she could have laughed, if the whole thing didn’t break her heart.

“Yes.”

Was he smiling? She couldn’t tell from her viewpoint at the window. The wind blew into the open window softly, causing the light material of her curtains brush against her and she shivered in response.

“Cold?”

She nodded, “You?”

“Always” he said with a small smirk, but it lacked it’s usual mocking tone.

“Hot chocolate?”

“Sounds good kitten.”

He could hear the sound of her tip-toeing down the stairs so as not to wake Dawn and when she opened the door he was waiting.

He let her remain silent for a full minute before asking with a tentative smile, “Care to invite me in pet, or shall I smash myself against the barrier and see where that gets me?”

“There’s no barrier, not since you helped me with Angel.” she admitted and turned to walk towards the kitchen, not seeing the look of awe on the vampires face.

By the time he joined her in the kitchen the kettle was on a bag of mini marshmallows sitting on the island next to her, a chair pulled out for him on the other side of it.

For awhile they sat in silence, the only sound the sipping of their warm drinks once they’d been prepared.

“Do you believe in heaven Spike?”

“Well, I know there has to be one because you were there.”

“Do you believe that’s where you’ll go?”

He chuckled softly. “No kitten, I don’t expect that’s where I’ll end up.”

She sighed and he swore he heard sadness in the sound. “You do good things now, you’re making amends.”

When he didn’t answer she continued, “Do you want to know what I think Spike?”

“Always have” he admitted sincerely and she smiled at him.

“I think that’s where you’ll go.”

Amused, Spike asked, “And why is that?”

“I have a theory. When you’re turned your soul leaves your body and the demon comes in right?”

He nodded.

“Right, so I think that if vampires can feel that maybe a small part of their soul is stuck inside with the demon, and that when you die, the demon releases that piece and it can join the other part.”

“I guess I’m following you kitten, but what are you trying to get at?”

He was surprised by how much thought she had put into all this.

“As William, were you a good man?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes” he whispered.

“Then why would you go to hell if it was only a tiny piece of your soul that did the damage that it did if you’re making amends now?”

“I can’t rightly answer that…” he gave a bright smile, “But who knows, maybe I’ll join you up there and you can watch me being forced to play the harp.”

Buffy laughed and then got a far away look on her face.

“Heaven wasn’t like that for me.”

“I was kidding luv’…”

“I know, but I think it could be like that, I think heaven is how the person perceives it. If I’d wanted to be in a field of flowers then I think I could have made it happen, I think I could have wished for nothing in sight but puppies…you get the point.”
“You’ll be back someday again sweets, when you’re nice and old and lived a long life.”

Her face turned serious, “Please don’t ever lie to me Spike, not you too.”

He cleared his throat, surprised by the emotions he had to choke back, “Well, a long life for a slayer kitten, longer still if I can help.”

“I know…Spike?”, her hand tentatively reached for his and held it softly.

Raising his eyes to hers disbelievingly he waited for her to continue.

“Do you think you’ll ever consider me a best friend too?”

He nodded his head ‘yes’, afraid to open his mouth and not be able to speak and he was graced with the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen in all his years.

Standing up slowly she walked around the island to where he sat and wrapped her arms around him in a gentle hug.

By a will of their own his eyes shut as she held him closer, head resting on his shoulder, while he breathed in deeply of the slayer posed so trustfully in his arms.

His hand reached up to run a hand along her hair, “Well be okay kitten, no more worries…no more worries now…”, what had finally broken her he wondered silently.

“So then she said, ‘Lets make the theme Don’t tread on me’, and I was the only one who understood that we had to, because what else would we tread on right?”

Spike laughed as they walked through the cemetery, Buffy sharing some random Hemery High memories and him in stitches the whole time.

“Bet you guys were top o’ your class right pet?”

She giggled, “Not quite.”

“Anyway, later on me and Pike saved their stupid asses from Lothos and I never saw them again.”

Spike scoffed, “What kind of name is Pike?”

She shrugged her shoulders and grinned, “I don’t know, the kind of name that would sound SOoooo much cooler if there was an S prior to the P?”

He scowled at her for all of thirty seconds then smiled, “Can’t say you’re not right kitten.”

They walked together to the gates in silence after that.

“Fancy a walk home then pet?”

“You gonna’ protect me from the big bads Spike?”

“I am the big bad, so I’ll protect you from the teeny baddies.”

“You don’t think I can handle teeny badies?” she asked with a faux pout.

“Nope” he said and walked past her, knowing she would catch up and see his smile.


These nights had become frequent over the past two weeks, they would meet up, patrol, talk, reminisce and then watch bad movies until Spike had to beat the sunrise home. He’d never been happier in all his time.

When they walked through her front door they were surprised to find the Scoobies there.

Buffy frowned, “Everything okay guys?”

Xander stood up from the couch, “Well, frankly no Buffy. What the hell are you doing with the walking dead every night?”

She smiled and Spike had never seen her look so dangerous than in that second.
“Living, not dying…bad Buffy” she mockingly self reprimanded herself.

Xander sighed and looked at Willow, “Did you mess up another spell?”

The witch shook her head ‘no’ then looked at the blondes in front of her, “Hey guys.”

Spike nodded his head, “Red.”

Xander tensed, “We’re worried about you Buffy.”

“Is that so?”

“Well ya’!”

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re hanging out with the enemy Buffy, you must see you’re not okay.”

“I see; can you define okay for me please Xander?”

Obviously flustered Xander tried his best, still not knowing when to shut up.

“If you were okay you wouldn’t be spending your time with him.”

“Him who?” Buffy asked confused.

“Spike” he spat out.

She smiled, “So you do know his name, next time use it when you’re talking about him or I’ll ask you to specify again, we’ll save a lot of time this way.”

Xander stood there open mouthed, not quite knowing how to respond.

Spike put his hand on Buffy’s shoulder, “Maybe I should just be going now pet…”

She looked him in the eyes and smiled, “If you don’t want to be here, I won’t make you stay…but I want you to be here.”

“Then here is where I’ll be” he said softly, willing the burning in his eyes not to lead to tears.

“You let him touch you now? What happened to you Buffy?” Xander hissed.

Willow stood up, “That’s enough Xander Lavelle Harris.”

Xander’s eyes popped, “You’re on their side too?” he asked amazed.
Willow sighed, “I love you Xander, as a friend, and I love Buffy the same way. And if Spike can help Buffy live longer with his help well, then…” Willow swallowed nervously, “Well then, I love him too.”

Xander stood up and grabbed his coat, walking angrily past the people he no longer recognized, “You’ve all lost your minds.” He shouted and slammed the door shut behind him.

Buffy and Spike moved to sit in the now empty couch, Buffy smiled at Willow. “Thank you.”

Willow grinned sadly, “after all I’ve done to you…to the both of you, I think it’s only fair that I’m not so blind to reality.” She stood up and walked to the door, “Personally, I think it’s about time you guys got passed your issues, it’s good to see you smile...the both of you I mean.”

She closed the door softly behind her and left Buffy and Spike to talk about what had just happened.

“Well, that went better than expected”

Spike just looked at her, “The whelp is pissed sweets, it’s gonna’ be awhile ‘fore he comes to his senses.”

“Boo hoo, his feelings are hurt, better go make sure he’s okay…he helped rip me from heaven Spike, somehow I don’t feel the need to kiss and make up right now.”

Spike smiled, “Got any blood? I’m starving.”

She nodded her head, “Behind the milk, you feel like watching Sweeney Todd?”

Spike’s voice was muffled from being in the fridge, “I knew that guy.”

“What? Sorry I can’t hear you.”

He popped the blood into the microwave and came back to the living room, “I said I knew that guy.”

Buffy giggled, “Of course you did.”

He got his mug from the microwave and sat next to her.

“What’s that supposed to mean then?”

“Well he’s the demon barber of fleet street, why wouldn’t you know him right?”

Spike laughed, “He wasn’t actually a demon kitten, though a fine one he would have made…Did do wonders with a blade though, should have seen his face when I got up after he slit my throat.” He let out a chuckle at the memory, “became good friends after that we did.”

Buffy grimaced, “He slit you’re throat and you’re not the one who killed him?”

Spike smiled, “Nah, he had a whole blood vendetta thing going, I kinda’ understood him kitten…to have you’re wife and child ripped away from you like that and to be left rotting for 15 years, I’d be bloody pissed too.”

“You’re so much cooler than Angel” Buffy said with a smirk, “He would have whined about that non-stop, all ‘he ruined my black silk shirt and my hair got messed up’” she said in a whiny voice.

Spike looked at her in wonder, when had she noticed Angel to be…well, what Angel was really, a nancy boy ponce?

Buffy pressed play and sat wide eyed through the first ten minutes, when Spike felt her head fall on his shoulder he knew the Slayer had fallen asleep.

“Poor kitten, all tuckered out” he whispered gently, not wanting to move and wake her up, and so he sat there for a few hours, just watching her. He loved how smooth her forehead looked when she wasn’t scowling with worries, and he loved how trusting she was asleep next to him. Really, he loved everything about her.

Buffy woke with a start, the sun dancing playfully across her face. She did a quick surveillance of the room, good, no dust meant that Spike had left before morning. She stretched and yawned, feeling satisfyingly well rested before she realized she could still feel him.

“Spike?” she called out tentatively.

“In here kitten” came the soft reply, her eyes flicked to the kitchen. All the shades were drawn and Spike sat against the back door, casually smoking a cigarette.

Buffy got up and walked towards him, “I’m not even gonna’ get started on the second hand smoke buddy, but I do wanna’ know why you’re sitting on my floor.”

“I wanted to watch you sleep…you look peaceful when you do.”

“And you couldn’t do this from the couch because???”

Spike gave her a small smile, “I wanted to watch you sleep with the sun on your face.”

Buffy’s heart clenched and she tentatively sat down next to him.

“I don’t like people who smoke.”

He went to stub the cigarette out in the ashtray but her tiny hand stopped him,

“It’s okay, you’re not people.”

Spike grunted, “No, not people…not anything really.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I meant you’re more than just another person to me…and you’re not nothing.”

Spike sat there, watching her hand creeping towards his for what seemed an eternity,

“You’re everything.”

It was whisper soft and made of dreams, he almost hadn’t heard her but somehow that only made the statement louder.

“You’re a monster and a man, a poet and a savage. You’re a pathological liar that can be brutally honest, you’re my peer and my enemy. You are epitome of why I am going to die young and you’re the only reason I’m still here…”

She sighed and squeezed his hand, not daring to look at him before she was done because she knew if she did she’d never finish, she’d drown in his eyes and this needed to be done.
“You’re gentle to the point that it pains me and the pain you do inflict reminds me of a time that I was gentle, unbroken, able to show the world I was hurt. In another life you could have been my best friend, my father, my brother, but this is the life I’m in right now; and in this one you’re my reason.”

Spike tried, he really did, to fight back the tears but both the monster and the man needed this. They needed to weep. The man for the life they could have had had destiny not chosen this decade to throw their souls together, and the monster for knowing that no matter what happened from here on out it had found it’s mate.

He cleared his throat and brought her hand to lie over the flesh protecting his un-beating heart.

“Can you feel that Buffy?”

“I always did William.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head against the door while she put her head on his shoulder and they sat there motionless and speechless. He didn’t know when she’d fallen asleep again but she had and so he picked her up as carefully as he could and walked up the stairs to her bedroom, where he put her sleeping body on the bed.

He was tired, the power of the sun draining him even outside and so he sat on the chair in the corner of her room and watched her until his own body gave into rest.




The dream he was having was heavenly, Buffy’s scent was surrounding him and her touch making up for over a century of not seeing the day. But that wasn’t true was it? He saw the day every-time he looked at her, could see it in her eyes, bubbling beneath her skin.

His demon was getting restless and trying to bring Spike’s mind to consciousness but Spike was reveling in the heat and fought with all he had to stay where he was. Soft skin was teasing his while she whispered his name over and over again and he would gladly die to stay in that place for just a few more seconds.

A delicious pain crept into his neck and he moaned heavily, this was bliss. He knew the second he fought the war to stay asleep and could feel reality come seeping in slowly. Buffy’s scent was all around him, protecting him and soothing him and the pain in his neck was more real by the second.

And then he was awake.

He decided to keep his eyes closed for just another moment and used his hands to see for him. She was straddling him on the chair, her skin naked and smooth and hot…so incredibly hot against him. He could feel the swell of her breast against his bare skin and her fingers curled around the back of his head and that’s when it all fell into place.

His eyes snapped open and he managed to choke out her name.

“Buffy?”

The hand at the back of his head tightened it’s grip as her mouth continued to pull the blood from the bite wound in his neck.

“Fuck Buffy…you have no idea what you’re doing to me…no idea what you’re doing…”

His hips bucked up of their own accord, his arms coming around her body to hold her to him.

Her free hand snuck it’s way down to his pants and slid the zipper downward, freeing his straining cock. He could feel her heat before he was even inside but once he was it was like fire chasing away his cold.

How long she had been drinking from him he didn’t know but with every tiny pull from her mouth he thrust into her. The pace was languid, slow and desperately erratic. Her moans where driving him crazy, the smell of his blood in the air and the knowledge that it was being consumed by her only made him harder, more desperate than he had ever been in his entire existence.

It was only when she whispered ‘mine’ that he came, roaring and crying and using his hands to slam her down gently but quickly until his cock had nothing more to give, and then he was hers.

Spike sobbed into her arms as she rocked them gently, his hands everywhere at once, needing to feel, needing to understand that this was real.

“I love you” she whispered softly, causing the sobs racking his body to increase.

“I love you” she repeated again and again, knowing just how desperately he needed to hear those words, how badly he needed to feel it from her, feel it, and trust it.

She just held him like that for hours, his sobs barely decreasing, his hands never stopping their worship. All the while she held him, soothed him as best she could, and then a horrible thought struck her and she lifted his face to hers.

“Did you…not want this?”

His sobs got louder and he clutched her harder, “S’all I ever wanted Buffy.”

“Me too Spike.”

She was covered in his tears and their sweat, his blood still staining her lips, the taste of it, of him, still on her tongue.

“You don’t know what you’ve done Buffy” he mumbled into her shoulder.

“I’m tired of people telling me I don’t know what I’m doing Spike.”

“There’s no way out for you now”

She sighed into his skin, “There never was Spike, but there was always you.”

His tears didn’t stop, nor did his shaking but his hands found a new purpose as they cradled her gently while he picked her up and laid her out on the bed, slowly and carefully, as if this was an illusion that would shatter should he take one more un-needed breath.

His hands ghosted over her and the moment was hauntingly beautiful, “There are no ghosts here Spike”

“No, not ghosts” he mumbled, “Dreams and hopes and perfect bliss, but no ghosts.”

She closed her eyes and sighed at the soft touches, could feel his eyes on her, warming her as his blood had done.

“Reality too Spike, don’t forget that this is real, don’t you ever forget.”

His lips were on hers then, biting, licking, nipping, pressing and oh god, the things he was doing to her, the things she’d denied herself for so long.
He pressed a knee between her legs and she arched into it, needing something to ease the pressure building up inside her, needing him.

“When did you know you loved me?” he whispered against her skin, the gentle thrusting of his hips lifting her high.

“I think a part of me has loved you since the day you clapped from the shadows…you knew the thrill of the fight, saw the darkness in me and embraced it, accepted it…the rest came later, built up slowly. I didn’t want to see it.”

His mouth found her pulse point, his hand her breast, “Why?”

She arched into his touch, grinding back into him, conversation becoming harder to stay focused on but she knew he needed this, deserved it.

“Even when we were trying to kill each other it wasn’t because we had to, or even because we wanted to, it was because too much energy causes chaos, and we had energy…”

A finger dipped into her pussy and she cried out his name.

“Energy without an outlet is explosive and we couldn’t fight what we were or what we wanted but we could fight each other, and so we did.”

“I loved you the moment I saw you writhing on the dance floor in the Bronze, with your little friends who could never understand the power and the beauty you surround them with…but I understand Buffy.”

She kissed him softly and continued, “Our energy was never meant to be destructive William.”

She heard him gasp at the use of his almost forgotten name and clutched him tighter, “We made it perverse instead of pure, but there’s still some time left to fix this.”

“All the time in the world Buffy, if you give it to me.” It was a plea she knew, a plea for her to never die.

“The time I do have is yours Spike.”

A small growl tore from his mouth an instant before his cock slid into her along with his fangs.

The pace was languid, as were the pulls of blood, she would let him drink his full.

Her legs wrapped around his back to pull him in deeper when she felt her muscles begin to clench.
“Cum with me Buffy, please…”

“Always” she answered softly, her voice shaky and she did.

When she felt him erupt inside her she let go.
Let go of the past and all of the pain it held, let go of her self imposed notions of superiority that had seemingly been beaten into her because of her calling and let go of her fear; that aching fear that came with the knowledge that your own heart didn’t even belong to you anymore. She let go, and gave her heart to him.

She heard the roared “mine” as his hips pumped into her furiously now and bit down on the mark she had left on him only hours before, “yours” she acquiesced, completing the claim. She herself now more complete than ever.

When he finally had the strength to lift himself up he cupped her face in his hands, “My girl now” he purred out.

She smiled, “Always have been haven’t I?”

He could only nod and give a little smirk, “In my world we’re married y’know” he said, nuzzling her nose with his own.

“Then that’s the world I want to be in.”

“Just the three of us, yeah?”

“Three?”

“You, me and Nibblet, a real family.”

“Yes, a family.” She agreed, eyes misting at the love this strange vampire held for the Summers girls.

“I wish Joyce could have been here to see us end up together, I always suspected she knew that this was going to happen, even when I doubted it myself…” His eyes got a faraway look in them.

“Come back Spike.” Buffy whispered.

“She was a real lady, reminded me of my own Mum.”

“I would have loved her.”

“She loved you.”

Buffy frowned, “I never met your mother Spike.”
He ran a hand along her face, “Didn’t have to pet, she knew you were out there waiting for me to find you.”

“What day is it kitten?”

“Hmmmm, I think its Thursday but it could be Monday” came the chipper reply and Spike smiled, pulling the naked form of his mate closer to him. He loved feeding off her heat and her passion, almost as much as he loved feeding off her blood.

He nuzzled the tender marks along her neck, each one a symbol, each one with something important to say.

This is my mate.
This is my slayer.
This is my girl.
This is my salvation.

She cooed and nuzzled back, the sensations of his tongue laving at her wounds sending a ridiculously pleasant chill down her back and she shivered in response.

She went to stretch her back but stopped moving at the low growl rumbling in Spikes throat.

“Not done yet” he explained, and continued to bathe her newest marks.

She giggled and eyed him, “Has anyone ever told you that vampires are just big cats?”

He growled again.

“No seriously. You guys have that whole weird night eye vision thing going on, you purr, you hunt people like their nothing but mice…and let’s be honest, I saw you eyeing my ball of yarn the other night.”

“Fuck Buffy” Spike laughed, “The only reason I eyed that thing is because I know for a fact not a single one of the Summers women ever knitted, nor will they ever. I was just trying to suss out why the fuck you had it.”

Buffy giggled, “Dawn stole it, it was the only thing I didn’t make her return…I thought the embarrassment might kill her.”

Spike smiled, “What the hell am I gonna’ do with you birds?”

“Make us supper tonight?” Buffy asked with a pout on her face.

“That’s one option yeah…”

“And the other?”

“Have you for supper” he answered and nipped at her neck.
“If you have me for supper you’ll ruin dessert.”

He groaned, “Please don’t tell me what I think you’re telling me kitten”

“Yup” she replied, popping the P. “You broke my vagina, it needs to mend.”

“But you have slayer healing and what not” he tried to plead.

“slayer healing does not an invincible vagina make.”

“Stop saying vagina, it’s crude” Spike chided.

“Oh I’m soooo sorry, I almost forgot about your Victorian upbringing, does cunny sound better then? And don’t look at me like your shocked buddy, there’s only so many times you can use a word before I clue in to its meaning.”

“Alright, I’ll make you dinner…as long as you promise to be in top shape for later tonight.”

“I’ll do my best captain.”

Spike raised a brow, “I like that, remember to call me that later.”

She laughed and dislodged herself from the bed, “I’m going to shower, you mind calling Dawn to tell her to be home for 6:30?”

“Not a problem pet, off with you then. Do you mind if I use the shower in the guest room then? I’m not exactly sure it could be called hygienic to prepare food in the state I’m in.”

Buffy nodded and with a quick kiss to the lips she was off and Spike was dialing his nibblets number.

After a quick conversation with the youngest Summers Spike rushed into the shower, he didn’t have much time if he wanted supper to be on the table by the time Dawn walked through the door.

He hummed to himself as he washed, not remembering a single time ever coming this close to heaven. He was mated, he was well loved and he was wanted. He could die tomorrow and not regret a single thing except leaving her behind. He knew he would die protecting her.


@@@
Spike put his head down and sighed, there was only weeks left to tell of and he was feeling the age that wasn’t supposed to affect him seeping into his long dead bones.

He was alone save his memories and while memories could help you go on they weren’t enough to go on in themselves. He missed her. He missed all of them but the loss of her was finally starting to catch up. Sometimes he could lose himself to his scribbles, almost forgetting that it was his hand writing down events passed, time’s not quite forgotten. But they would be, one day. And he knew that he did not want to be there when that day finally came and the world forgot about its heroes, HIS heroes. His girl. He’d been so absorbed in the memories that he had actually found himself anxious to see what happened next, lost in them and the pull they had on him. Had he been human his mind would have lulled him into endless sleep with the lure of the images that his skilled hand put onto paper everyday, but he was not. And he had a story to finish.

He knew that the end of the book signified the end of him. Knew that when the last page was written that too would be his last day. He found himself dreading it. Not the sunrise, or the inevitable breeze he would be swept up by, but dreaded the end of her story. It didn’t seem right, that someone so good, someone that did so much good, would have to eventually be put to rest. Even if she lived on paper, it didn’t seem right.

He stood up to stretch his limbs and walked over to the window, looking out at the late night fog that rolled over the streets. It reminded him of her. It touched everything. Some people find it beautiful, others eerie. It’s always mysterious, always gives a chill to passers by. He saw a young man walking through it and wanted to yell out, to stop him from marring it’s perfection. He wanted to seep into the fog and drift with it, wherever it was it was going.

He took a deep breathe and smiled, listening to the fog and the voices it carried with it. Blocking out all of them except for hers. Sometimes he would hear her in the breeze, other times in the waves, mostly in his dreams. But tonight she was in the fog, a gentle reminder.

“I know kitten, it’s almost done…almost done now.”

Spike jolted awake, the words “I’m drowning in footwear” spilling from his lips. Buffy was standing in front of her window, the pale light of the moon surrounding her, giving her an ethereal look.

“Buffy?”

She didn’t turn, “You know I love you right?”

He didn’t answer and she still didn’t turn to face him. “It’s important for me to know that you know how I feel Spike.”

He pulled himself from the bed and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“I know you love me Buffy.”

Her hands entwined with his. “I had a slayer dream.”

“About what?” he asked and nuzzled her neck, helping her relax and lean into him.

“Everything.”

He decided not to question her, she would tell if she wanted, but he got the feeling that she didn’t want to.

“Do you know Peter Pan?”

Spike chuckled, “I know of him, never met the bloke though, pretty sure that he’s fictional.”

She giggled, “You know what I mean…I… you’re my Peter Pan Spike.”

He waited for her to continue, but tightened his hold on her.

“Peter Pan never has to grow up…never has to do things he doesn’t want to do. He stays the same his whole life, never loses that little something that keeps him young, keeps him special.”

Spike pressed a kiss to her shoulder, “What’s your favorite version kitten?”

She hesitated, “ The one in Finding Neverland…I like how it ended.”

“She dies.” he whispered. Buffy smiled, so he’d watched it, the big bad was still full of surprises.

“She dies loved…and he brought her to Neverland…I think in Neverland you’re never afraid, never alone, never unloved, never cold…”

There were tears in both their eyes but neither would let them fall. “To die will be an awfully big adventure” Buffy quoted.

“That’s my line kitten…”

Buffy giggled and finally turned to face him, her eyes meeting his instantly.

He ran a shaking hand down her face, playing with the silky hair that framed it, “I’ll save you Wendy.”

!!!!

He looked outside, the sun would be up soon and he knew that today would be his last full day. Her story was coming to an end and so then was his reason for being here. He dialed a familiar number and waited; a small but peaceful smile on his face.

“Hello?”

“’Lo Nibblet…”

“Spike…” her voice was whisper soft, she knew.

“Been doing well?”

“Well Buffy’s being a brat, she got kicked out of daycare for hitting a bully and breaking his nose and William’s locked away scribbling in his journal.”

Spike laughed, “Déjà vu huh lil Bit?”

“God yes…I wouldn’t change it for the world though…Spike?”

“Ya Platelet?”

“It’s time isn’t it?”

There was no answer for a few minutes, “Ya Dawnie…it’s time.”

She could hear the tears in his voice and knew that he could hear the pain in hers. “I’m on my way.”

“See you soon” he answered but the phone was already hung up on her end. He smiled; it was good to be loved.

!!!!

They walked hand in hand through the cemetery, laughing at each other’s lame comebacks.

“Fang face doesn’t really hurt my feelings sweets” Spike said with affection.

Buffy laughed and rolled her eyes, “And telling me I have stupid hair is so traumatizing Spike.”

Two screams tore through the air in opposite directions, Spike looked at Buffy uneasily.

“Human?” she asked, he gave an almost imperceptible nod, he didn’t want to leave her alone, slayer or not.

She pulled him in for a hard kiss, “I love you, now go”, they both took off towards the noises, a growing feeling of unease in the vampires’ stomach.

Spike reached the girl too late, 3 vampires had latched onto her and her eyes were lifeless. For a split second he saw the limp corpse as Buffy and his rage took over as he ripped the heads off the not so lucky vampires’, the stake never even leaving his pocket.

The second the last head turned to dust in his hands he knew, felt it in his bones…Buffy was down.

The speed at which he ran would have made even the fastest creature of the night ask what the fuck had just gone by them.

He smelled her blood before he saw her, smelled their blood before he saw the ones that had done this to her.

Everything slowed down around him once she came into view, her leaning against his old crypt and the bodies of the now lifeless demons just feet away from her. It was the gaping wound from her neck to her chest that he only let himself see last…and the blood, all that blood should have been a welcome sight for someone of his kind but it only served to make him howl in pain as he dropped to his knees and cradled his girl.

“Buffy Buffy Buffy Buffy…stay with me kitten, you’re not going anywhere.”

His hands were pressing into her wounds trying to staunch the flow but he knew it wouldn’t help.

He felt her tiny hand reach up to pull one of his own away from her neck, to hold in hers.

“Hey you” she whispered.

“You don’t have stupid hair, it’s bloody fantastic hair…like silk and sunshine” he blurted out, the words slurred with the effort not to bawl.
She smiled, “I love you…William, Spike, the demon, the poet, the monster, the man…my man, always my man.”

“I love you Buffy…so much, please don’t leave me luv’ oh god please don’t leave me, never leave me.”

The tears were never-ending as he peppered her face in kisses and pulled her light body onto his lap to rock her as he spoke.

“There’s that word again…never” she whispered.

His eyes sought hers and he calmed down, she seemed to have him in a trance.

“I like the word never, I’ll never leave you Spike…not really anyway.”

“I know Buffy, you’ll wait for me yeah? Wherever it is you go, you’ll wait for me?”

She smiled, “Always…you know where to find me Spike.”

He shook his head and smiled through his pain, “Off to Neverland then kitten?”

Her body tensed and she squeezed his hand, “To Neverland”

And when his sun burned out the undead man found himself truly lifeless for the first time in his entire existence.
There would be no happy ending, no hidden morals to be learned, no more hope in a world that didn’t deserve it…didn’t deserve her.

And just like that, Peter Pan grew up.

Spike ran around the backyard, chasing little Buffy and William while Dawn sat on the porch and watched, a small smile playing on her lips. She had just finished reading his work, every single page had brought to life things almost forgotten and her heart warmed at the fact that if she lost everything in life, she’d still have the memories, safe and sound.

She stood up and Spike and the children looked at her,
“Is it time to go already mom?” William asked softly.
Dawn smiled and nodded her head and Buffy promptly burst into tears, running over to throw her arms around Uncle Spike.

“Hush now Sunshine, what’s the trouble?”
“I’m not gonna’ see you again, am I uncle Spike?”
He looked at Dawn who just shrugged her shoulders as if to say, ‘I didn’t tell them anything’
“No Princess…I’ve got to go away now, but I’ll always be watching you, making sure you and your brother are ok.”
William came up shyly and put his hand in his uncles. “Are you going to go get the princess now?”
Spike smiled, “Yes…I’m going to go get the Princess now, she’s been waiting a long time.”
“Is she pretty?” Buffy sniffled.
“Almost as pretty as you Sunshine, but not quite, now come on, give me a hug and wish your old uncle luck.”
The children’s arms wrapped around him tightly and he squeezed back, eyes closed for fear of the tears escaping.
“Don’t forget to bring a white horse, girls like that sort of thing” William whispered in one ear while Buffy whispered in the next “And they lived happily ever after.”
Spike picked the both of them up easily and began walking to the front of the house, to the car and the father waiting to take the children away.
Once the kids were buckled in safely he shook Eric’s hand, “Be good to them or so help me I’ll find a way back to kick your ass.”
Eric nodded his head solemnly, “Take care Spike.”
Spike nodded at him and gave a ghost of a smile, “You too.”

Long after the car had turned the corner he stood there, when Dawn had come to stand next to him he didn’t know but eventually she led him to the house and made them some hot chocolate.

“The book is…well, it’s the best thing I’ve ever read Spike.”
He smiled, “That’s good then Nibblet.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you” she whispered, voice shaky.
“You’re going to live, and publish the book, and be the best mom ever and when all that is done and you’ve lived an absurdly long life, you’re going to see me and Buffy again.”
She nodded her head. “The sun will be up soon”
Spike stood up, “Feel like swinging with an old man?”
“You know it” she said with a small giggle.

Anyone passing by would have had to look twice at the sight they saw passing by 1630 Revello drive. Two full grown adults swinging like children, their laughter bouncing thru the air just before dawn in the almost morning light of sleepy Sunnydale.


Spike felt the sun rising in his bones, “Keep looking straight Dawnie, eyes on the house”
“Ok Spike…I love you.”

“I love you two Dawnie” was the last words she heard before his laughter rang out one last time, she closed her eyes and kept swinging, years later she would still swear she’d felt him pushing her for a bit.

When she finally got off the swing it was hours later, her legs felt like they would collapse but her heart felt lighter than it had in years. Peter Pan was going to find Wendy. Peter Pan was finally going home.

**

He could barely see anything thru the foliage, the trees seemed impossibly high and the flowers impossibly bright. “’Lo?” he called out softly, trying to figure out where the sweet sounding laughter was coming from. His head whipped to the left, he could have sworn he’d seen a fairy…and was that a mermaid in the pond to the right?

“Hello?” he called out again, this time more loudly.

Shes coming
Shhhh he’ll hear you
Shes been waiting for you
Is it really him?

Spike’s ears were being assaulted from every direction and he began to move in circles trying to find a single face to put to one of the whisper soft voices.

The last whisper he heard was ‘she’s here’ before his spinning stopped dead and he dropped to his knees.

“Buffy?” he choked out.
She smiled and the forest seemed to brighten even more, “You found me.”
She wore nothing but a simple white dress that flowed and moved with even the slightest of breezes, in her hair was a multitude of tiny colorful buds and the rays of sun that bounced off her made her glow almost angelically.

“You look…” he tried to search for the best word to describe what he was seeing.
“Happy?” she supplied.
“Effulgent” he corrected.

She knelt down in the grass so that they were face to face.
“Where am I Buffy?” he asked softly as his hands came up to touch her face, needing to feel that she was real.
“You really don’t know Spike? You promised to meet me here, I’ve been waiting for so long”
“I don’t want to say it…this can’t be real, I’m dreaming…I can’t be here…”
“Welcome home Peter Pan” she said with a smile and pulled him in for a kiss that left him breathless. It mended the tears and rips that years spent without her had caused, it soothed the ache in his chest that came with losing a mate, it healed everything inside him from the poet to the man to the monster…to the boy who had never wanted to grow up but was forced to, it soothed all of that and undid it.
“So…so… I went to…”
“To Neverland” Buffy finished for him with tears in her eyes as their lips came together again, promises of forever mixing with their tears and love.
Wendy had found her peace.
Peter Pan taught her how to fly.
To die has been an awfully big adventure...


the end