Current statistics reveal that approximately 41% of demon households with an average net income of $200,000 or above within the continental United States own a Grundy. 22% own more than one.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


“Okay, I’m here Giles. I sure hope this is important; I’m missing out on dance time at the Bronze, not to mention happy hour and I really like happy. I try to do it as much as possible.”

The Slayer strode into the Magic Box wearing freshly applied makeup, a new ecru skirt, lacy peach blouse and strappy sandals with three inch heels. She’d been walking out the front door excited and happy, when her Watcher phoned requesting her immediate attention. Those feelings had instantly evaporated. It was never of the good when Giles called for her before patrol, especially sounding so urgent.

Please not another apocalypse. I’ll be a good Slayer and dust twice my quota of vamps, just not another apocalypse. I still haven’t gotten the last apocalypse out of my good blue dress.

Wondering if there was such a thing as a vampire slayage quota - ‘cause I mean I’ll totally fill it. Just no apocalypse- she closed the shop door while the Harry Potter bell attached to the top tinkled gaily, mocking her concern.

Buffy looked around apprehensively. The shop, although looking a bit sloppier than usual, was still in one piece. So far, so good.

“Buffy, could you turn the sign around please?”

Uh oh.

She flipped the little closed sign and walked over to the counter where her Watcher waited, looking more disheveled than usual for such an OCD kinda guy. Tweed clothes askew, hair mussed, even his glasses were smudged. Something was up for sure. Frowning, she noticed a small puddle in front of the counter and carefully stepped around it.

“So what’s the sitch?”

Giles answered her, weariness evident in every accented syllable. “We have a bit of a situation. Anya? Buffy has arrived.”

Darn. Buffy knew that ‘situation’ was always code for ‘serious problem’ in Giles-speak. She could see her Bronze time evaporating faster than an ice cube on a California sidewalk.

“Coming.” Anya walked in from the training room carefully carrying a large, chartreuse and pink striped canvas tote bag with holes randomly punched near the top. “Before you say one word about my accessories not matching, this ugly tote is not mine. I wouldn’t buy it even on clearance.” Setting the garish tote on the counter, she slowly removed her hands. The bag flexed and wobbled slightly but remained upright.

The Slayer kept her eyes trained on the twitching bag. “I’m guessing whatever is in there is the ‘situation’.”

The tote suddenly shimmied, shifted and tipped over. Anya quickly reached across the counter and righted it. “Giles is just a little jittery.”

“So what exactly is in there?”

“This has just been so exciting. It’s a real Grundy.” Anya started unbuckling the wide straps while trying to keep the tote from falling over a second time.

Giles cleared his throat, staring pointedly at his partner. “Are you certain you should open that up again?”

Shooting him a look, Anya continued working on the straps. “You know it can’t stay in here forever. It’s already been thirty minutes.”

The Watcher wiped a bead of sweat from his brow and muttered. “Thirty minutes isn’t very long.”

“What’s a real Grundy? And is it better or worse than a fake Grundy?” Buffy watched Anya unbuckle the last strap.

The top separated and a whiskered brown muzzle popped up through the opening. The twitching, black tipped nose attached to that muzzle snorted.

Anya ignored the muzzle and reached down inside the tote. Using both hands, she carefully lifted out a wriggling, light brown short haired dog that resembled a terrier.

Buffy estimated it weighed in at around twelve or thirteen pounds. At least the Slayer thought it was a terrier at first glance, but when Anya placed it on the floor she noticed subtle differences that screamed demon. The creature’s little round belly had overlapping beige scales and its paws sported tiny curved claws on each fat little toe.

She wrinkled her nose. “So that’s a Real Grundy?”

Anya released the animal and they all watched as it ran in tight circles chasing its bushy tail. Bored almost instantly, the little demon abandoned the circles to sniff every thing within close proximity.

Anya grinned at Buffy. “It’s just called a ‘Grundy’ and isn’t it absolutely adorable?” She watched fondly as the little animal shook itself and started running laps across the floor.

The Grundy stopped to sniff Buffy’s shoes and growled low in its throat, displaying a complete set of little serrated teeth. Tilting its furry head up to stare at her, the Slayer caught a pinpoint flash of red within the liquid brown eyes.

Backing away from the Slayer, the Grundy turned and ran full tilt, skidding on the slick floor and landing in a furry heap by the door. Immediately bounding back to its feet, the little demon zoomed around the shop, haphazardly careening into tables and displays, followed everywhere by the sound of things rattling or falling.

“What is it exactly and how much sugar has it eaten?” Buffy watched the little demon stop long enough to explore the exotic herb case.

“As you can see, a Grundy is actually a small demon quite similar to a dog.” Giles winced when it rammed head first into a sturdy display case of crystal orbs. Shaking its head briefly, the Grundy zipped off in the opposite direction.

Watching Giles mop his forehead, Buffy figured at this rate her Watcher would need at least two more handkerchiefs just to get through the next ten minutes.

Stuffing the sodden handkerchief back in his breast pocket, Giles continued his explanation. “Although in this case, it is much more like an extremely active young puppy. Quite rare, they’re bred only on a Hellmouth. The gestation period is somewhat like an elephant; the mother is pregnant for two years and produces just the one offspring, although I understand they grow rather quickly. This particular Grundy is about three weeks old.”

Wiping moist nose prints from the orb’s display case, Anya added, “A Grundy is good natured and extremely valuable. They’re highly coveted as pets and even act as guard dogs within the wealthiest demon families and even among a few humans.”

The trio flinched when the Grundy knocked over a stand holding several small wooden fertility Goddesses. Watching them roll across the floor with the little demon in hot pursuit, Buffy raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure someone didn’t slip you a caffeinated Tasmanian Devil by mistake?”

Plopping down among the statues, the little demon licked one experimentally. Buffy grimaced when the Grundy easily bit the rotund Goddess in half and started chewing.

“I can see why only the wealthy own them. Replacement costs would bankrupt anyone else in a heartbeat.”

Is that thing swallowing those statues? Even counting the Goddess the Grundy was currently crunching into wood pulp, it certainly looked to Buffy like there were several missing among the rubble.

She rubbed her eyes as the Grundy sunk its teeth into another statue. There’s no way it would be safe to eat those things. They must have rolled under that table and I am so not going under there after them. I’d rather face an entire nest of Androk demons.

“Okay, so it’s a hyper demon show puppy. Why is it here?” Buffy narrowed her eyes at her Watcher while he pulled his handkerchief out again. “You aren’t planning on entering it in some demonic dog show are you?”

She watched the Grundy grab the edge of a linen table cloth in its teeth. Shaking its head from side to side, it attempted to wrest the draped cloth from the small table filled with scented pillar candles. Stumbling, it tangled all four paws in the material, causing the table to rock violently. The display crashed to the floor. The Watcher muttered something under his breath as Anya ran over to free it.

“Because I gotta say I just don’t see it holding still long enough for the judging,” Buffy smirked. “Maybe Willow could place some sort of temporary freezing spell on it. It would certainly be an improvement.”

Giles threw his Slayer a long suffering look before replying. “The Grundy was dropped off by the breeder earlier this afternoon, although it seems so much longer ago. We’ll be taking care of it for the next week, until someone from the Watcher’s Council arrives to pick it up. It’s a gift for a very important ambassador who’s been helping the Council mediate a war.”

The small animal grabbed one of the fallen candles and started voraciously chewing. Mesmerized, Giles watched wax fly everywhere. “It’s a birthday gift for the ambassador’s daughter.”

“They might want to reconsider candles on her cake.” Buffy watched the Miniature Menace out of the corner of her eye as it dropped the obliterated candle and darted toward her again. “What’s all this got to do with me?”

Sliding to a stop in front of Buffy, the Grundy sat down on its haunches and stared. She reached down to pet it and it growled again. Dancing away, the Grundy flew around the Slayer, trailing a strong scent of Sandalwood in its wake.

It stopped abruptly in front of Anya and she leaned over, affectionately scratching the little creature behind its pointed ears. “Giles needs someone to watch it. It’s much too valuable to let it roam around and besides it’s just a baby.”

“I would like that someone to be you, Buffy.”

Buffy inspected sandalwood laced Little Destructo Beast again. The demon’s tail thumped wildly against the floor while it panted like a real dog. She noticed it had a forked tongue. Ugh.

“Sorry, it’s not in my job description. I’m the Slayer. I kill demons, not baby sit them. Besides, that thing would trash our house in milliseconds or quicker. We have breakable stuff in there too, including wood and lots and lots of candles. Not to mention my mom wouldn’t be happy with a demon access installed in the bottom of our kitchen door.” The door’s made of wood; it would probably just eat its way outside anyway.

She watched the excited Grundy carve a figure eight pattern on the wooden floor, skidding slightly during crossovers. “Besides, I don’t think it likes me.” And the feeling is becoming mutual.

Giles looked thoughtfully at the Grundy, ears perked, tail streaming, running crooked figure eights. “It does seem uncomfortable around you. However that isn’t the issue; we need to guard it closely. The person that dropped it off said she’d received death threats and last night someone attempted to break into her breeding facility. Luckily she’d taken the demon home with her.” He crossed his arms and urged her closer. “Try again, it seems to have calmed down a bit.”

“Calmed down? That thing could give pointers to a marathon runner.”

At her Watcher’s steely look, Buffy held up her hands. “Okay, fine, here we go.” Sighing, she knelt down and coaxed. “Come here, little guy.”

She looked between Giles and Anya for confirmation. “Is it a guy? Does it have an actual name?” Warily she held her hand out very slowly, palm up. “That’s a good little demon. See, I won’t hurt you.” At least not much.

“It’s a female, although as yet unnamed.” Giles watched the Grundy back away from his Slayer. Perplexed, he watched Buffy scoot forward again. She got within touching distance and the Grundy moved, baring its teeth.

“How remarkable. Although it has that very unfortunate tendency toward extreme exuberance, it’s been exceedingly friendly since it arrived and yet it has taken an immediate dislike to you.”

Frustrated, Buffy pulled her outstretched hand back before the demon bit her. Slayer healing or not, those serrated teeth would cause serious markage. Standing up, she watched Anya call the little demon back to her. It happily ran over and tilted its head to be scratched again, tail thumping.

Observing the Grundy affectionately leaning against Anya, comprehension dawned. “Of course, I should have realized. It doesn’t care for you because it must sense that you’re the Slayer. It is, after all a demon, so it stands to reason it would be a bit uncomfortable around you.”

“So how am I supposed to watch it?” The Slayer brightened. “I think this lets Buffy off the demon sitting hook. You’d better keep it, Giles, or maybe Anya should take it home with her. Xander could let it watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, including the behind the scenes stuff. That’ll send it into a catatonic state and it’ll be way easier to take care of for hours and hours.”

Anya shook her head. “Xander loaned those movies to someone at work and our lease specifies no animals, demonic or otherwise. Besides I have to work during the day and it just doesn’t seem very happy in here.”

Buffy watched the Grundy shred another candle. “That all depends on your definition of
‘ happy’.” She blinked. Where’d the rest of that candle go?

Little forked tongue hanging out of its mouth sideways, the Grundy tripped over to Giles and sat on his shoe. Absentmindedly, the Watcher stroked the little demon’s head. “Unfortunately I have the same situation. My apartment is not set up for an animal, and it can’t remain there alone, especially since this problem of thieves has cropped up. I really believe it would be safest with you and definitely in a more secluded location than a public shop. We’re obviously going to need someone, preferably another demon, to help you with it.”

“How about Clem?” Buffy asked helpfully. They might even be distant relatives, there’s a slight resemblance.

“I’m afraid he wouldn’t be of help if someone attempted to take the Grundy by force.”

Anya snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it. What about Spike? If you pay him, I bet he’d do it.”

Groaning, Buffy appealed to her Watcher. “Does it have to be Spike?”

“Actually, that’s a very good idea. He’s strong enough to keep the animal safe.”

“And he can be bought cheap.” Anya added.

****

Spike was drinking his breakfast when he heard the door of his crypt swing open. He only knew one person that ignored common courtesy and pushed her way in like that. Watching the blonde in the short skirt stride across the floor, he waved his hand at Her Royal Pushiness. “Hello Slayer. To what do I owe this afternoon’s forcible entry?”

“Stow it, Spike. Giles wants to see you right now.” Buffy watched the vampire slowly drain the rest of his mug and snapped, “Did you miss the part where I said right now?”

The vampire stood up and leisurely stretched, working sleep kinks out of his shoulder muscles. “Fine. Always up for a visit with another ex pat. Just let me grab my shirt.”

She nodded slightly, realizing the bleached vamp was standing in front of her wearing only a pair of those black jeans he loved so much. Barefoot and bare-chested, he set the chipped mug down and reached for the tee shirt draped across his faded easy chair while the Slayer impatiently crossed her arms.

Pulling the shirt over his head, Spike wondered what the Watcher wanted so badly that he’d sent Miss Congeniality in such a bloody hurry. Reaching for his boots, he lifted a scarred eyebrow. “What does Rupes want with me?”

“I’ll let him tell you.” Buffy tapped a sandaled foot. “Hurry up.”

****

“So you see, Spike, I need someone who can help Buffy care for the Grundy and keep it safe.” Giles looked over at the vampire slouched in the chair with the small demon perched on his lap.

The Grundy had immediately run to Spike when he’d entered the shop, tail wagging madly. Enamored, she stared up at him adoringly and made a low crooning noise no one had heard before.

“You are obviously well suited for the job.”

Spike nodded toward Buffy leaning against the counter, frowning at the Grundy. “I still don’t see why you need me when you’ve got the Slayer. She’s more than capable of taking care of one little baby demon.” He smirked. “As long as she doesn’t have to cook for it or do anything else that requires actual talent or skills.”

”I have skills.” Still leaning against the counter, Buffy crossed her arms and glared at the mocking vampire. “So Spike, do they ever shut up on your planet?”

“What can I say? If you can’t laugh at yourself Slayer, You know I’m always glad to do it for you.”

Buffy rolled her eyes in response. “Hear that silence? That’s the sound of nobody caring.”

Giles loudly cleared his throat to tamp down the squabbling and regain their attention. “Actually Spike, it seems that you’re the most uniquely qualified to take care of the Grundy.” He watched the creature wriggle, butting her head lovingly against the vampire’s chest. “It seems to like you a great deal.”

From behind the counter, Anya watched the little demon. “And she absolutely hates Buffy.”

Amusement crossed the vampire’s face. “Is that so?” He turned to the embarrassed blonde and drawled. “So you frighten baby animals now, ‘ey Slayer? What’s next, little children and the elderly?”

Buffy scowled. “It’s not like that. It’s a demon, I’m a Slayer. We’re naturally not of the compatible.” Just like us, you smart ass vamp.

Watching the two blonds bicker, Giles sighed and tried to pull the conversation back on track again. If Spike hadn’t been perfect for this job, he would have thrown his hands up and kicked them all out. He was just that exhausted. Instead he used a universal language. “Spike, I’ll pay you to help take care of the Grundy.”

Abandoning the Slayer in mid rebuke, Spike’s eyes swiveled back to the Watcher’s face and remained there.

Now that he had the vampire’s rapt attention, Giles continued. “The Grundy must be fed and walked. You and Buffy will take turns with security. It’s imperative that nothing happen to it before the Council’s men arrive.”

“Oh God, what does it eat? I’m so not feeding it anything slimy.” Buffy looked wide eyed at her Watcher. “Please tell me it doesn’t need blood or strangely cooked guts or raw pieces of slime demon. All that gross stuff can seriously impair a new spring wardrobe, not to mention what it does to a manicure.”

Sighing again, Giles shook his head. “The breeder said we could feed it any good quality puppy chow enhanced with a few drops of these special vitamins she left with us.” Giles indicated a screw top jar sitting on the counter. “It drinks regular tap water.”

“I’ve already been to the market and picked up some food.” Anya volunteered.

Giles watched the vampire think over the proposition while he gently placed the Grundy back on the floor and got to his feet. “Alright, I’ll do it,” he said, trying to sound reluctant.

Before Giles could reply, Spike held up a hand. “But there are two conditions. I’ve got a couple of debts I need to take care of right away, so I want half the dosh now and I’ll need some time without the beastie later tonight so I can repay them.”

“No problem at all. Anything else?”

“We watch it in my crypt.” He cut his eyes to the blonde still leaning against the counter. and watched her mouth drop. This ought to be good.

“Now wait just a darn minute.” Buffy sputtered.

Right on cue. She’s gorgeous, but oh so predictable. He tried to control his chuckle.

Buffy looked frantically at her Watcher. “Giles, no way am I going to spend the next week hanging out in Spike’s crypt. There is so much wrong in that sentence I don’t even know where to begin.”

Ignoring the blonde for once, Spike blew off any rebuttal and lifted his chin. “Rupert, it’s easier for me to watch the fuzz ball in my own place, especially durin’ the day. Besides no one would ever guess I’ve got it with me, so it’s a safe place to stash it.”

Having read the quiet desperation in the Watcher’s eyes, Spike already knew which way the wind would blow. The Slayer better batten down the hatches, the perfect storm is on the horizon and it’s named Grundy.

Buffy’s face fell and her shoulders slumped when Giles agreed immediately. “That’s a very good idea.” His eyes flickered around the trashed shop. “It can’t do any harm in the cemetery.”

Reaching into the register, the Watcher handed Spike a fistful of bills. “Here’s half the money. I’ll give you the rest when the Grundy leaves next week.”

Spike counted the money and nonchalantly shoved it in his duster. It was twice the amount he’d expected. He carefully lifted the wriggling Grundy into the tote while she stretched, struggling to lick his face. “I’ll head back to the crypt through the sewers so no one sees me with her.”

“Buffy?”

“Now what?” I am so very, very screwed. I’ve got to spend an entire week with the world’s most annoying vampire and his new hyper sidekick.

In her mind’s eye, Buffy saw The Hundred Greatest Punk Hits as howled by Sid Vicious being played at maximum volume while Spike and the Grundy pogo danced wildly around the crypt together. Her left eyelid twitched. Pressing her index finger against it, she tried to focus on her Watcher’s final instructions.

Giles blithely ignored his Slayer’s slumped shoulders, odd twitching and sullen voice. “Go with Spike to his crypt. See that the Grundy is settled before your evening patrol, and then when you’ve finished patrolling, go back and stay with it so Spike can complete his errands. Most importantly, keep it inside with you and hidden as much as possible. Oh, and you’ll need to work out a schedule for tomorrow and the remainder of the week with Spike.”

While Giles finished issuing instructions, Anya piled a twenty-five pound bag of Purina Premium Puppy Chow in Buffy’s arms and balanced a large brown grocery bag on top of it. “Since you can’t actually carry the Grundy, you can cart the food and the rest of her supplies.” She set the jar of vitamins in the grocery bag. “You’ve chosen to wear high heels tonight, so please be extremely careful not to trip; this is all the vitamins the breeder left with us. We don’t have extra.”

Stepping back, she inspected the supplies balanced in the Slayer’s arms and added cheerfully, “Don’t worry, I’m sure at some point this week, the Grundy will allow you to actually touch her.”

Oh joy, then my life will be complete. “Uh huh.” Gnashing her teeth, Buffy followed Spike and Freakish Fleabag down the stairs to the basement and out through the sewer entrance.

I missed going to the Bronze and I’m walking through the sewers in my favorite sandals and to make the evening complete, I’ve pulled Hound of the Baskervilles duty with Spike.

Carefully shifting the supplies Buffy glanced down. Even in dim sewer lighting she could see strands of silky brown fur clinging to her new skirt.

I would have been better off with the apocalypse.

Once the two blondes closed the door behind them, Anya frowned at her partner. “Spike practically jumped at the chance, he must be in debt to someone powerful. You could have gotten him for a lot less.”

Giles surveyed the wreckage. “Actually, I was willing to pay him twice as much.”

Although difficult to ascertain at this juncture, it is generally accepted statistically that the ratio of mature males to mature females within the current Grundy population is proportionately equal throughout the world.
- The Compete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


Noise from the kennel was incredible. Breaking through the door, they had managed to set off all the caged beasts. Their leader gestured toward the habitats. “Get out there and shut them up.” Two men slipped through the door.

“Where is it?” The soldier’s eyes glittered. “Tell me what you did with it.” He advanced toward her.

The elderly breeder held her head high and said nothing.

He grabbed her, pulling her close to his chest. Twisting her arm painfully behind her back, he whispered in her ear. “I must have the information.”

She continued to hold her head up and tried to keep her voice steady. “I refuse to tell you anything.”

Tightening his grasp, she heard his voice harden. “You can tell me now and save yourself a lot of pain or we can take all night. Either way, you will tell me.” He wrenched her arm harder.

She managed to gasp through the pain. “No.”

“One last chance old woman. What did you do with it?”

The kennel had become silent. The women sent a quick prayer to the Goddess for all the death and destruction occurring on her watch. She felt her forearm snap. The pain was incredible and she felt herself about to pass out.

The realization that she would not be able to hold out crossed her mind and she knew that she would have to give them something. Hopefully the Watcher had moved quickly and it would turn out to be a dead end. Saying another prayer, this time for his expediency, the elderly woman dropped her head. “I left it at a shop in Sunnydale called The Magic Box.”

“When and where is it going from there?”

“I don’t know anything more, I swear.”

“Then you’re no longer of any value.” Pulling out a bowie knife, he plunged it deeply into her heart and the body slumped against him. Stepping aside, he allowed it to drop to the concrete floor.

Wiping the blade of his knife, he glanced around the breeding facility one last time. It hadn’t been a wasted trip. They now had a trail to follow.

He turned to the soldier on his right. “Torch the buildings.”

****

“There, there, Empress.” Spike crooned softly, calming the jittery demon after the fast walk through the sewers and the cemetery. The Slayer waited until they’d arrived safely at the crypt, then dumped the supplies in Spike’s chair and muttered something about changing clothes before patrol. She’d hurriedly left, leaving him and the young Grundy alone.

That was fine with Spike. He pulled various supplies out of the grocery bag and took a brief inventory, before placing everything within a hidden shelf on the lower level of the crypt.

Spike had reasoned on the silent walk back to Restfield- The Slayer carry on a normal conversation? That’ll happen when hell freezes over- that the less obvious he was with the animal and its possessions, the fewer demons would realize he harbored something valuable. All it would take was one nosy parker and he and the Slayer would have a free-for-all on their hands. Luckily the cemetery had been quiet recently, with the Slayer patrolling frequently and Spike doing kills himself when he was bored.

He made a mental note to see Clem later tonight and give him a story about going out of town for awhile. Spike didn’t want his best friend dropping by unannounced. As much as he liked the guy, he wasn’t one for keeping secrets.

Glancing over at the small sleeping demon curled up in the middle of his bed, Spike chuckled. He’d noticed the ravaged condition of the Magic Box immediately. She’s right knackered after such a busy day trashin’ the shop. Anyanka and Rupert aren’t very good at the surrogate parenting thing, but no surprise there, after all we’re talkin’ about an ex-vengeance demon and a bloody Watcher.

Filling a small stainless steel bowl he’d found among the Grundy’s possessions with clean water from the shower pipe, Spike placed it safely out of harms way on the other side of his four poster bed. The rest might be horrible at taking care of things, but he was very good at it. After all, he had a century of experience to fall back on.

Spike had refused to let either the Watcher or the Slayer see his true feelings about the Grundy, pretending he’d resigned himself to doing this for money. He definitely needed the money, but Spike hadn’t wanted them to tumble to how much he really wanted to take care of the little demon. Lonely so much of the time lately, he looked forward to having something alive in the crypt, if only for a few days. Having the Slayer around to argue with would be an added bonus and if he was very lucky something big and nasty would come sniffing around, too curious for its own good.

Reaching in the bag again, he pulled out a long heavy chain and a studded leather collar. He ran a finger down the strong links and chuckled. It seemed this would be a lot like taking care of his crazy ex.

Next out was a leather muzzle. He envisioned the Slayer wrestling with the feisty little demon, trying to force the muzzle over her snout. Buffy was clueless on how to take care of something like the little Grundy.

If she can’t pummel something into submission, the Slayer’s at a complete loss.

Picking up the sack of puppy chow, he read the directions carefully before pouring some in a second bowl. Then reading the label on the jar, he dropped in the correct amount of vitamins and placed the bow of food next to its companion. Listening to the deep even breathing of the small demon, he smiled in anticipation. He couldn’t wait to take her for a walk later when the cemetery quieted for the night.

Spike had always been fond of animals. When he’d been alive, William had owned several dogs and after Dru turned him and they’d finally left the company of Angelus and Darla, he’d tried to keep an occasional pet. He’d sometimes bring home a dog or two (usually after he’d eaten their owners), but his Sire would inevitably grow bored, kill and eat them. Spike had finally given up and started bringing home birds instead. At least they’d survive until Dru forgot to feed them.

He pulled the last couple items out of the bag. The first was a long thick bone from a species Spike didn’t recognize. Looking at the deep tooth indentions on one end, he placed it on the floor where a teething Grundy would find it right away. Spike didn’t fancy the young demon ruining the few pieces of decent furniture he owned.

Pulling out a short bristled brush, he contemplated his new situation. He couldn’t screw this up; it afforded the chance to get on the Slayer and her Watcher’s good side. Maybe they would come up with some more paying jobs, or at least let him work off some steam in the cemeteries with the Slayer. Spike relished the idea of fighting next to the blonde beauty regularly. When the Slayer fought, she was deadly poetry.

Grabbing a mug of blood from his little portable fridge, Spike sat down in his easy chair to wait for Buffy to return from patrol.

****

Anya straightened up and rubbed the small of her back. She couldn’t wait to go home so Xander could be recruited to give her a back rub. One of the benefits of having a boy friend with strong construction- guy muscles was his ability to give great massages.

She looked around the front of the Magic Box with a critical eye. Although not as clean as she and Giles preferred, it at least it no longer looked like the aftermath of the climatic battle in a war movie. Unfortunately during her cleaning binge she hadn’t found Giles’ missing car keys. The Watcher had discovered they were missing when he’d tried to leave awhile ago. Luckily he always left a duplicate set in the register.

Shaking her head at her partner’s absentmindedness and then at men in general, Anya walked over to the counter and set the broken fertility Goddess alongside the pile of broken or partially eaten stock. Anya could almost swear some things were missing entirely, but she’d know soon enough.

She planned to spend the majority of tomorrow writing up an inventory to submit to the Watcher’s Council. They should pay to replace all the things the little demon had removed permanently from the sales floor. After all the lost profits had only occurred because of their Grundy.

Anya made a mental note to include the cost of having the floor redone. Little running demon nails had wreaked havoc on the wood finish. She’d probably have to argue that point with Giles. He had a habit of bowing to the Council more often than he should. She supposed she should have mentioned it before he left for the night, while the mess was still fresh in his mind.

Oh well, she’d just have to get him to toughen up when he spoke to that Travers man. Still deciding exactly how to approach the problem of Giles and his inability to stand up for them, Anya turned toward the training room. She only had a few seconds to notice the dark clothed stranger standing silently in the deepening shadows before he knocked her unconscious.

Stepping across the woman’s prone body and over to the front window, the man gestured for the others to step inside. They began a rapid search of the building.

*****

Wiping her gritty hands on the butt of her oldest pair of jeans, Buffy turned toward Restfield Cemetery and mentally counted the tally. She’d dusted six vamps and killed two demons. Not bad at all, even though she knew better than to corner a female Rennich demon without any escape route and had done it anyway.

Wincing at the cut on her thigh, deep enough to affect even her for the next few hours, Buffy fingered the diagonal tear in her jeans. Stupid demon claws. Why do they have to be so darn ragged? Sunnydale should enact a law or something that all Rennich demons have to have regular manicures.

Wiping her hands one final time, she blew off any more concern for the frayed jeans. After all, she’d worn them in the first place with the idea that Monster Mutt wouldn’t be able to shed demon fur all over her brand new True Religion jeans, so everything had worked out after all, except now she was running around town in ripped, out of style jeans.

Well, not running. More like limping around town, but still she couldn’t go home and change, because now she had to watch Demento Dog while Spike went off to pay his shady friends the money he owed, probably from losing at some stupid poker game. I’ll bet he owes Willy money too, that vamp drinks like a fish. Not some little goldfish either. More like a whale or something. The mental image of a humpback with bleached blond hair, cigarette dangling from its mouth while it breached the water made her giggle.

Nah, Spike’s not really Free Willy material. Charlie the Tuna would be more like it. While having fun categorizing him as the cartoon mascot, Buffy slowly made her way toward Spike’s part of the cemetery. The quicker the vamp ran his errand, the quicker she could go home, grab a shower and call Willow. She needed to catch up on Bronze gossip, along with offering an explanation to her best friend on why she’d bailed earlier.

Limping up to Spike’s crypt, she opened the door. Before she could call out, the vampire appeared in front of her. “Shhhh Slayer. The little beastie is sleepin’. If you want to make this easy on yourself, you’ll keep the noise down.”

Nodding that she understood, Buffy tiptoed over and dropped into Spike’s easy chair, trying not to aggravate her injury. The television was tuned to an old black and white movie with the volume on low.

“Go. Hurry back. I want to go home.”

Spike frowned at the Slayer’s obvious limp and ripped pants, but didn’t comment, instead he nodded briskly. “I won’t be too long.”

He slipped out leaving Buffy staring at the television. It was only a couple moments before she realized the movie wasn’t really old at all; the television was an ancient black and white model. God, Spike doesn’t even have color, this TV is nearly as ancient as he is. She stared at the television again. And yet he’s got cable?

Not ready to deconstruct that thought, she squirmed, trying to find a comfortable spot for her sore leg among the sprung coils. This just keeps getting better and better. Her eyelid twitched again as she slid lower in the old chair and sighed.

Hurry back you stupid vampire.

The most favored coat of the Grundy is the sable accompanied by light beige stomach scales. Other coats include white with peach scales and black with grey scales. The rarest of all coats is considered to be the variegated russet with pink scales.
- The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy

The ringing phone abruptly roused Giles from an oddly troubling dream in which the sorcerer’s apprentice and his infamous brooms attempted to clean up the Magic Box, but the Grundy voraciously attacked and chewed them into splinters each time they crossed the threshold.

The open book on medieval sorcery lying across his lap slipped to the floor while he fumbled around on the coffee table, finally locating the portable phone under a pile of papers. Thankfully banishing the strange dream to the deeper recesses of his brain, Giles cleared his throat. “Hello?”

“Hi Giles, is Anya there?”

The Watcher tried to wrap his exhausted brain around the question. “Xander? No, Anya’s not here.” Waking fully, he recognized obvious worry in the young man’s voice. Blinking in the bright light of his reading lamp, he focused on the wall clock. It read 9:00. He must have fallen asleep in his chair immediately after dinner.

“I haven’t seen her since I left at six o’clock. She was planning to stay about another half hour. Did you call the Magic Box?”

“No one answers; the phone just rings.”

Giles straightened. “That’s odd; Anya always puts the answering machine on when she stays late. I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.”

Xander was already pacing in front of the shop when Giles arrived. It only took a moment to ascertain that although the lights were on, the front door was locked. Giles unlocked the door and Xander gasped.

Pushing past the older man, Xander ran to his girlfriend, lying next to the counter. Dropping to the floor he touched her tenderly. “Ahn?”

Anya moaned and opened her eyes. Squinting against the bright overhead light she said, “Xander? What happened? My head hurts.” She touched the back of her head gingerly. “Ow.”

“Let’s get her off the floor. I’ll call the paramedics.”

“No paramedics. I’ll be fine.” Struggling to sit up, Xander reached out to steady her. “There was a stranger in here. Just as I noticed him, he knocked me out.”

The two men helped her into a chair and she tried for a smile. “Thanks. I’m already starting to feel better. So what did he steal?”

“It’s very odd. The money’s still here in the register and the display cases are undamaged. It appears that nothing of obvious value has been taken.”

Xander looked confused. “Then why was he even here?”

“Perhaps he was after the Grundy.”

Anya nodded emphatically and winced, clutching her head. “That has to be it.”

Her boyfriend looked even more confused. “What’s a Grundy?”

“Xander, I think you should take Anya home. She can explain on the way. Be vigilant, it’s possible someone may be watching us. Anya, you should stay home tomorrow and rest. I’m going to lock up and go home myself. I’ll call Buffy’s house later this evening and let her know what’s happened. From now on, none of us should have any personal contact with either Buffy or Spike.”

“What does Captain Peroxide have to do with any of this?”

“Come on Xander, help me up. I’ll explain everything in the car.”

****

Spike sat down on the corner stool in front of the scarred bar. “’Lo Willy. Can I have a glass of Jack?”

Willy, the ferret faced proprietor of Spike’s favorite demon bar, shook his head. “Sorry Spike. I told you already, no more booze until you pay your tab. It’s so big that I’m gonna hire a sherpa to help me carry it.”

Reaching in his duster, Spike pulled out some bills. “Not a problem.” He dropped them on the counter in front of the bartender. “Here you go, mate.”

Willy quickly scooped the money up and jammed it in the register. Handing Spike a cloudy glass of amber liquid, he lowered his voice. “Morty’s in the supply room conducting business. If you’re smart, you’ll drink up and leave.”

Completely ignoring the warning, Spike surveyed the crowded bar. “Have you seen Clem tonight?”

“Booth in the back corner.” Willy watched the vampire grab his glass and stand up. “Take my advice, Spike. I don’t want any trouble in my bar.”

“Don’t worry Willy. I never cause trouble.”

“Uh huh. And my bar’s gonna be host to Paris Hilton and her entourage later tonight. I’m going to put up a red velvet rope so the paparazzi can’t bother her.”

“Get an autographed picture for your wall.”

Wading through the Friday night crowd, Spike spied his friend and slid into the booth across from him. “’Lo Clem.”

The big demon looked around so frantically Spike could hear his ears flop against his head. “Spike, what are you doing here? Morty came in awhile ago and I know he’s around somewhere.” He cast a worried eye on his friend and hissed, “Are you trying to get yourself dusted?”

“No worries, I’ve got Morty’s money.”

“All of it?” Clem looked skeptically at the cocky vamp leaning back in the seat.

“Every bloody cent, I swear.” Spike placed his hand over his nonbeating heart and grinned. “Even the vig.”

Surprised, the demon asked, “Where’d you get that kind of money?”

“Picked up a job out of town for the next week and got paid in advance.” Swallowing the last of his drink, the vampire rose. “I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

Spike walked cautiously down Willy’s back hall toward the supply room. It wasn’t unusual for the short tempered loan shark to have several of his clan stationed around the perimeter and he didn’t want to get in a fight with a bunch of demons before he even got through the door. Especially since I’ve got his damn money.

“Well, well, look who’s here everybody. It’s Spike.” The loan shark, wearing a cheap, very shiny suit, held court behind a scarred desk at the back of the supply room.

“Morty.” The Hellmouth’s answer to Tony Soprano.

Several members of his clan surrounded the loan shark. Waving them off, the demon gestured for Spike to move closer. “I heard you’d walked in. I was just about to send Vinny out to invite you for a little visit.”

Closing the distance between them, Spike held out some bills. “I came to pay you back; I’ve got your money.”

The loan shark smiled, displaying several rows of serrated teeth. “Good. I was beginning to think I’d have to look you up and I hate wasting time like that.” He reached out and took the money from the vamp and counted it. “Very good. Now that we’re even again, I wonder if you’d be interested in a job?”

Spike hedged, feigning a slight interest for the shark’s benefit. “Depends, what is it?”

“There’s an out of town group visiting the Hellmouth, looking for a certain item and willing to pay a large finder’s fee. If you locate it for them, it would be worth your while.” Morty flashed his teeth again. “And mine too, of course.”

“What kind of item?”

“I can’t divulge that information until I know you’re in, now can I?” The loan shark adopted a hearty tone. “Well, what do you say?”

“Unfortunately, I’m already employed for the next few days and I’ll be leavin’ town for the job.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “But if you’re still lookin’ when I get back…”

“I’m sure they’ll find it pretty quick. This is something that can’t be hidden too easily and the gentlemen in question can be very persuasive, especially since they’re working with a tight deadline.”

Standing next to the loan shark, the aforementioned Vinny started to chuckle. “Very persuasive,” he echoed. “Just ask the lady that breeds-Ow” he clutched his head where another clan member had clocked him while snarling, “Shut up you moron.”

Spike ignored them. Back in the day he’d known what it was like to be surrounded by idiots, too. “I’ll see you around, Morty.”

“If you ever find yourself short again Spike, look me up. I’m always available to help out a friend in need.”

Spike nodded and turned to go. Never again, Mate. I’ll become a blood donor myself first.

Turning over the information in his mind that the loan shark and his moronic employee had divulged, Spike headed back to Restfield and the Slayer.

Once the loan shark was certain the vampire was far enough away that he couldn’t be heard, he turned to Vinny. “Take a couple of the boys and check out Spike’s crypt later tonight. I’m curious about his job and new found wealth.”

Do to the lengthy gestational period, potential owners may discover that a wait of up to six months and a hefty premium will usually be required to purchase an immature Grundy. A mature Grundy may become available sooner through local rescue groups or even at times breeders, all of whom will be located near an active Hellmouth.
- The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy

Walking into his crypt, Spike saw the Slayer slumped in his easy chair, one leg slung across the arm, staring blankly at the television screen. Listening briefly, he could tell the Grundy was still crashed on his bed.

“H’Lo Slayer. Looks like you had a quiet visit.”

Buffy stood up and stretched. “Yeah, all’s still quiet on the hyper demon front. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so I’ll be back early and you can get some sleep.”

“I heard somethin’ at Willy’s that you need to tell your Watcher.” He filled her in on the conversation with Morty.

“I’ll tell him.”

Spike watched the Slayer close the crypt door before turning to go down and check on the Grundy.

****
Buffy kicked off her shoes and sat on the edge of her bed. Pushing the extra pillows and Mr. Gordo out of the way, she reached for the portable phone. Stretching out across the bed on the uninjured side, she dialed Willow.

“Hey Will.”

“Hi Buffy. Tara and I missed you at the Bronze. But it was really crowded and Tara got a headache, so we left early anyway.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure you’d be home yet. Giles called me just before I was going to leave to meet you guys. A sitch came up.” Buffy explained to her friend about the Grundy sitting. “So now I’m stuck with Spike for an entire week.”

“I’m sorry.” Her best friend’s voice was full of sympathy. “But maybe it won’t be that bad.”

“Are you kidding Will? It’s Spike.” Buffy sighed theatrically. “We drive each other crazy if we’re in the same room for longer than five seconds. In fact I think that’s actually our record for non crazy. Five seconds.”

“You should try to find something you both have in common that you can do in the crypt. You know, like playing cards or something. It’ll be a lot easier if you’re not just sitting there staring at each other.”

Buffy shuddered at the thought of endless hours sitting and staring at each other with the Grundy’s growling the only sound. “The only thing Spike and I have in common is a stake and Giles won’t let me use it. But you’re right, I don’t want to sit around in a crypt with nothing but dead silence.”

Willow chuckled at her joke and Buffy felt better. She’d just have to figure something out.

“I’ve got to go now, I need to call Giles about something Spike heard at Willy’s and you know old people, they go to bed really early. He’ll be cranky if I wake him up and it’s already 10:30. Tell Tara hi for me.”

Buffy hung up and dialed the Watcher. Happily surprised when Giles not only promptly answered, but sounded wide awake, she filled him in on the conversation. In turn, Buffy was shocked to hear about the break-in and subsequent attack on Anya.

“This is getting a little wiggy. There’s got to be something more to all this than one furry little pain in the butt.”

“There does seem to be something missing from the larger picture. It’s hard to imagine that the Grundy is important enough to merit all this subterfuge.” Her Watcher’s voice sounded thoughtful over the phone line and she could almost hear him cleaning his glasses.

“Don’t forget the possible murder that Spike heard about. So, what do we do?”

“I’ll contact Quentin Travers tomorrow for further instructions. In the meantime I want you to go back to Spike’s crypt and protect the Grundy. If there are indeed men partnered with the local demon population, Spike will be unable to protect it alone. You’ll need to remain there until you hear from me.”

“Fine, I’ll go back. But I want some extra Buffy time when this is all over.”

She hung up and started the water in her shower. No way was she going to clean up at Spike’s crypt. That thought was beyond squicky. Thinking about Spike again brought back Willow’s comments. Buffy knew the red haired witch was right; it would definitely be a whole lot easier to deal with each other if they could just find some common ground.

Hmmm, something that we can both enjoy that won’t result in either arguing or a bag full of dust.

Allowing the water to heat up, Buffy opened her closet and looked through her clothes. She pulled out a short sleeved beige top and a pair of slacks that were the same shade as the Grundy’s fur. Laying those aside, she dug through the weapons chest until she found two small knives that fit easily in the pockets and placed those next to the clothes. Twisting her hair into a knot on top of her head, Buffy stepped into the shower, while ticking various ideas over in her head.

****

The Captain of the soldiers spoke into the cell phone, explaining the steps he’d taken so far to his superior. “We searched the old woman’s breeding facility and her home. It was not at either location. She disposed of it before we reached her, so now we’re attempting to recreate the trail. We searched a place of business that housed the beast earlier and have hired local talent to help locate it….. ….Yes sir, of course I understand completely how important this is.…We will endeavor to find it as soon as possible.”

Flipping the cell phone closed, he turned to the men in the room. “The two of you that followed the shop keepers to their residences last night will return early tomorrow morning. When they leave for work, go in and search. The rest of us will fan out and search the remainder of the town. I want the other two of you to continue watching the store. We will find it, even if we must kill everyone involved. You are dismissed.”

His lieutenant remained behind, silently watching the others file from the room. Once the door closed, he turned back to his Captain. “Tarn, are you absolutely certain we are on the correct path?” He searched the determined face of his leader. “We could easily be on a fool’s errand.”

“You know how hard it is to pin down a source.” Captain Tarn looked into the questioning face of his young lieutenant and shrugged. “We are soldiers and we must follow orders. It is what we do. He could easily have been lying, but it is our sacred duty to follow this up. Our leader is the one who should be on that throne.”

Dropping the cell phone onto the table, he leaned against the wall of the cheap motel. “We will locate the beast. If the Talisman is not with it, we will receive new orders.” His mouth set in a hard line. “We will prevail, provided there is enough time.”

His lieutenant moved to leave, hesitated, and turned back again. “If the time grows too short, the point will be moot. There will be no one left to issue new orders.”

“Then we must work quickly.”

****

Spike turned off the telly the moment he detected the change in the Grundy’s breathing and heart rate. Dropping to the lower level he saw her standing on the bed, wide awake. When he appeared at the bottom of the stairs, she began to bounce up and down while her tail wagged. She crooned loudly, causing him to respond with a smile.

“Come on, luv, let’s take a walk.” Picking her up in his arms, she wriggled happily, stretching to exuberantly lick his neck. Reaching for the chain leash with one hand, he chuckled at the young demon. “You certainly know how to play a bloke.”

Setting the Grundy on the crypt floor he took his first real look at her collar. Running a finger around the edge, he frowned. “Well, Empress, it seems we’ve got a bit of a problem. I don’t see anywhere to attach this leash to your fancy neckware.”

The Grundy danced around the floor, impatient to get going. Scratching his head, Spike suddenly remembered the second collar.

“Hold on Empress, I just remembered your everyday look.” He continued to talk to the little demon as he rummaged among her possessions for the leather collar. “Just like a woman, you’ve always got to be wearin’ something pretty but totally impractical. But at least you don’t have a shoe fixation like another woman I could mention.”

He unfastened the dressy collar and replaced it with the sturdier leather, buckling it with one hand while trying to keep the excited, squirming Grundy from running around the crypt. It took all of Spike’s concentration and a good bit of strength, but he finally managed to snap the leash in place, too.

Lifting the excited, wiggling demon back into his arms, Spike lightly jumped up to the crypt’s main level. Setting her on the floor, he bowed and his accent smoothed. “May I accompany milady to take the mild night air? It’s a lovely evening for a stroll about the grounds.”

The Grundy, eyes never wavering from her interesting companion, crooned and danced around briefly, before moving to stand quietly beside Spike’s left leg.

Surprised, his lips twisted in amusement. “Better watch out there Empress, your good breeding is showin’. People will figure out you’re not actually as wild as you pretend.”

Listening for any unusual noises in the cemetery, Spike opened the crypt door and sauntered out into the cemetery proper, with the Grundy sedately at his side, her tail waving slightly in the cool night air.

“I think your sudden case of manners will be our little secret, because personally Empress, I love watchin’ you wind the Watcher up.” Spike looked down at the Grundy and could have sworn she winked before sticking her nose in the air to sniff the breeze.

Spike worried the small demon would have trouble negotiating the dark ground and found himself trying to steer her around the sunken grave markers that were nearly invisible in the feeble light from the crescent moon, but after watching her skip neatly around obstacles that loomed in her path, the vampire knew it was a non-issue. She had superb night vision, nearly equal to his. Spike suspected the Grundy had a lot of talents of which neither he nor the humans were aware. She was definitely an extremely interesting pet.

When the young demon raised her head to sniff the wind again, Spike watched her closely. Inhaling deeply, he tried to ascertain how much she could really sense. Suddenly tilting her head sharply, she stared up into a large oak tree several feet away as her eyes flashed red.

“That’s a great horned owl, Empress. He’s no problem for the likes of us. You’ll find he’s in that tree about this time almost every night.”

Spike had no doubt she could see the owl hidden within the thick canopy, but she quickly dismissed it and pulled on the lease, anxious to continue their foray.

“You get bored pretty quickly, don’t you?” Spike chuckled at the demon trying to pull him farther into the cemetery. “Well, Empress, that’s somethin’ you and I definitely have in common.”

They had made almost an entire circuit of the large cemetery when Spike realized the young demon was flagging, so he picked her up in his arms. “Come on luv; let’s go find how that food Anyanka bought for you tastes. Hopefully she bought it for flavor and not just because it was on sale. That one’s tight with the dosh.” The Grundy looked in his eyes, licking her lips and for an instant, Spike swore she understood completely.

Bloody hell, I’ve been alone too much lately, starting to see things that aren’t really there. She’s just a very smart pet, an expensive toy for some wealthy owner. Nothing more, nothing less.

Spike, pulled from his musing by several insistent licks to his neck, looked down at his charge. Reproachfully, the Grundy stared back at him. He shifted and hugged her a little tighter. “Sorry, Empress, I forgot the cardinal rule. When in the company of a beautiful lady, one should pay attention solely to that beautiful lady. So, have I ever told you about the time a huge Chorro demon tried to cheat me at poker? No? Well, it all started when I drew an inside straight. You see the Chorro had already discarded three cards…..”

Spike regaled the Grundy with poker stories while she remained quietly within his arms, staring at her companion as if absorbing every thing he said until they arrived at the crypt.

Once inside he showed Empress the location of her food and she finished enough that Spike breathed a sigh of relief. At least there wouldn’t be any problems with keeping her fed.

After she’d eaten, Spike lifted her on the bed again. Making the decision to leave her leather collar on for convenience sake, he rose to put away the other collar.

In the flickering candlelight Spike took his first good look at the fancy collar. Smooth amber beads with emerald inlays were set within an antique framework of fine gold chain; the collar gleamed in the soft light, elegant and expensive.

“That’s quite the ornament you were sportin’.” He wondered why a young animal straight from a breeding facility would own something so obviously expensive.

On the other hand, I have no bloody idea how much the Council would willingly pay to impress some mucky muck. It could easily be enough that the fancy trinket was included in the price. No doubt the Empress herself is extremely expensive.

Shrugging, Spike dropped his line of thought and picked up the brush. He stroked the Grundy’s soft body briefly and then began the arduous task of brushing away the detritus that had matted in the Grundy’s silky fur during their stroll through the higher grass and weeds in the oldest portion of the grave yard.

Crooning softly, the Grundy rolled over on her side and sighed. Spike chuckled. Just like a woman. They all love to be fussed over.

“Empress, you remind me a little bit of someone I met once. Would you like to hear about it? Well, it was in August of ’69. Dru and I had driven to New York to attend Woodstock, and the bloody car broke down just outside of town. So there I was, tryin’ to get it fixed while keeping Dru from eating the mechanic until he got it runnin’ again…”

Reminiscing, Spike brushed the Grundy’s fur until it gleamed while the little demon listened to the vampire’s soothing baritone voice.

Grundy nutritional needs are very undemanding. An immature Grundy may be fed wholly on premium puppy chow with no ill effects. However it is imperative that it be enhanced with the correct balance of vitamins to insure a healthy coat and optimum growth in both size and intelligence. The mature Grundy diet should be comprised of a good quality adult dog food, supplemented with a few pieces of a good quality hard wood. Mahogany, balsa and oak are varieties often used with good result.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


“Spike?” Buffy called out softly, tiptoeing into the crypt. She certainly didn’t want to be the one responsible for waking up Monster Mutt. Life was so much easier when the demon was unconscious. “It’s me.”

“Know it’s you, Slayer. Any self respectin’ vampire would.” Spike materialized from his lower level. “The real interest lies in what you’re doin’ back. I’m an expert on the risin’ sun and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t made its daily appearance yet.”

“Just call me boomerang Buffy. After hearing about your bar convo, Giles ordered me back.” She glanced around. “So where’s the Gumby? I don’t hear the sound of things being destroyed.” She smirked. “Oh that’s right. You don’t have anything worth destroying.”

“The Grundy is downstairs.” Spike turned around abruptly. “Where I’ll be if you need me for somethin’.”

Damn Buffy, you sure screwed that up in a hurry. “Spike, wait a minute.”

Exasperated, he turned back to her. “What do you want now, Slayer?”

“Look, I’m really sorry about the comment. It’s been one of those days. I’m tired, my leg hurts from walking over here again and I’m taking it out on you. Can I have a do over? I promise to play nice.”

He surveyed the blonde beauty. She was standing there with a contrite expression across her face, biting her lip. She’s actually tryin’ to apologize for real. Happily surprised, he responded gruffly. “S’alright. It’s been a rough one for us all, I guess. I noticed your leg earlier.”

“Yeah, well, it’ll heal if I can stay off of it for awhile. But it’s definitely been a rotten day. Wait until I tell you about Anya.”

“Hold that subject for a bit, pet. We need to get back to our charge.”

“Huh?”

“The baby demon, Slayer. We shouldn’t leave her alone down there.”

“Oh, right.”

Following Spike to the lower level of the crypt, Buffy looked around curiously. The vampire’s big four poster bed dominated the room. There was an older chest sitting in the corner and a beaded curtain that closed off a dark opening in the opposite corner. The Grundy was lying on a worn oriental rug gnawing a huge bone. Lifting her head, she bared her teeth at the Slayer.

“The Slayer’s a guest, Empress. We don’t insult invited guests by growlin’at them.”

Buffy watched open mouthed as the little demon studied Spike for a few seconds and quietly dropped her head. “Wow, you’ve certainly got her settled down. Where’d you get a Zoloft filled bone at this hour?”

“We finished a long walk earlier, but she’s actually pretty well trained for somethin’ so young. I think she was really bored stuffed away in that tote twice in the same day and decided to have it on a bit with the Watcher.”

“I can totally get that.” Buffy smiled briefly before glancing around again. “I’ve never been down here before. This is pretty decent for a crypt.” Pointing to the curtain, she added, “Except for the sixties throwback.”

“That’s the way to the shower.” Spike nodded at the bed. “Have a seat, Slayer. Sorry, but I don’t have a lot of furniture down here. I guess we could move her upstairs.” He looked uncertainly at the Grundy contentedly chewing on her bone and added, “at least we could watch the telly.”

Buffy slapped her forehead. “I’m not normally this brain damaged. I must be making a special effort tonight. I brought a couple things with me and they’re still outside. I’ll be right back.” Climbing up the ladder, she spoke over her shoulder, “She’s fine, don’t move her.”

Spike heard the Slayer leave the crypt and return almost immediately. Ignoring the ladder and even her aching leg, she gracefully dropped to the floor carrying a large cardboard box and a portable camping chair.

“I thought it would be more convenient if I brought my own seat.” She set up the folding chair, placing it perpendicular to the bed, before lifting the flaps on the box. “This has spent the last year in our basement since my mom bought a smaller one for the kitchen, but it still works great. I checked it before I left.”

Buffy lifted out a fairly large portable television and set it on top of the chest. Turning to the astonished vampire, she said, “Call me selfish, ‘cause I like my Turner Movie Classics colorized, but I noticed you’ve only got the black and white, so this is for you. Since you’ve moved back in and everything, you can consider it a crypt warming gift.” She continued to chatter, suddenly a little embarrassed. “Besides it’s better if we stay down here with the Grundy anyway. You know, just in case anyone comes barging in.”

“I’ve never thought of you as selfish, Slayer, and this proves it. Ta.”

Buffy flashed a pleased smile. “What do you say to a late movie?”

“I’d say, give me two ticks to hook up the cable.” Spike reached behind the television. “Slayer, there’s a couple bags of Cheetos upstairs by the fridge and a tin of peanuts. Would you get those? I’d like a beer out of the fridge and there’s a six pack of Pepsi in there, too.”

Buffy was delighted. “Ooh, we’ve got snacks?”

Spike voice was muffled behind the dresser. “I keep the Cheetos around for Clem. He’s gotten hooked on ‘em lately and the peanuts are mine. I picked up the drinks earlier tonight on the way back from the bar but they should be cold by now.”

Buffy was already half way back up the ladder when the words struck. He’d picked up Pepsi after he found out she was going to be here. Now she knew she’d made the right choice in bringing the TV. Maybe the two of them could figure out how to get along better. Hopefully tonight would be a start.

Grabbing the snacks, she heard the sound of guns blazing and grinned. Trust Spike to pick a movie with fighting in it. Cool.

****

“They picked up the right suspect this time.” Buffy pointed at the screen again. “I just know he did it, he’s got seriously shifty eyes.”

“Nah, they’ve arrested the wrong bloke. No way he did the deed, shifty eyes or not.”

“Why not? He’s wearing that terrible rug and one thing I know is the hero never has bad hair.” Buffy giggled. “Come on Spike. Tell me everything you know, that should take maybe ten seconds. You can even fit it in before this commercial’s over.”

Spike snorted. “If ignorance is bliss, Slayer, you must be the happiest person on the planet.” He grinned at the blonde when she reached over and stole some of his peanuts. “You’ve already forgotten he was locked up in the garage when the last bloke was burned. Remember, it was hot and his toupee slid during that scene.”

Buffy popped the handful of peanuts and answered with her mouth full. “Oh yeah. But wait a minute; he could have done it before he was locked in there.” She swallowed the peanuts and giggled again. “While his hair was still glued in place.”

Chuckling, Spike shook his head at her. “It’s the other bloke, I’m sure of it. You know, the one you said had ugly shoes.”

“Maybe he used a timer.”

“It was a Molotov cocktail.”

“Oh yeah, I was getting another Pepsi during that part. How old school, not even using a real bomb to start the fire.”

“You know what they say, no need to mess with a classic.”

“Who exactly says a Molotov cocktail is a classic?”

“Uh, Abbie Hoffman?”

“Who is she?”

“Never mind, pet, just someone I met once in Chicago.”

Spike downed the last of his beer, still chuckling. Tonight was the most fun he’d had in a long time that didn’t require copious amounts of Jack Daniels or both fists. He and the Slayer had started out the evening nervous and uneasy, but they’d really made a conscious effort not to snap at each other and as the first movie progressed they’d become more comfortable. It had helped that the B movie was so terrible that they couldn’t stop themselves from snickering and joking about it.

By the time the second movie of the late night double feature rolled around, they were relaxed enough to jokingly snark at each other along with the lame plot. During the commercial breaks they continued to talk civilly to each other and discovered they had a lot more in common than they’d ever thought, including a penchant for the same types of movies.

Standing up during the commercial break, Spike looked around the crypt for his lighter.

Buffy, leaning back in the camp chair with her feet propped on the corner of the bed, watched Spike pat his pockets. “What’s the matter?”

“I think I’ve lost my favorite lighter, but I don’t remember using it at Willy’s.” He reached for one of the candelabras. “Bloody hell, I’ve had that lighter since the ‘50’s.”

“I wouldn’t give up yet, it’ll probably turn up. But you might want to keep a close eye on your candles.” Buffy carefully straightened out her legs, trying hard not to awaken the Grundy. Spike had placed the young demon on the bed earlier and she’d shifted in her sleep, rolling close to Buffy’s feet. “Empress seems to think they’re a delicacy. I watched her chew up at least two of those fat pillars they sell at the Magic Box.”

The Grundy, although continuing to watch Buffy cautiously all night, hadn’t growled once, but remained quietly on the rug. When she’d become sleepy again, Spike had lifted her onto the bed so they wouldn’t accidentally step on her.

The Slayer tried to wrap her head around the difference in the little demon between earlier at the shop and here at the crypt. It was as if the Grundy had a split personality. One side was calm, cool and collected while the other was completely and utterly gonzo. Buffy prayed she never had to stuff the Grundy in her tote for any length of time or otherwise make her mad, because the gonzo side drove her nuts.

Or maybe ‘Empress’ just enjoys the fawning over her that Spike does and she’s smart enough not to blow it.

Delighted the television came equipped with a remote control, Spike avidly surfed during the commercials while Buffy’s mind continued to wander back over the evening and how she’d noticed the care the vamp had taken with the little demon, making sure her every need was attended to promptly.

The Slayer had never experienced that caring side of Spike before. In her experience, the hyper chipped vamp was always fighting, drinking or scheming. She’d certainly never seen him patient and kind. It almost boggled the mind. Added to their newfound civility, the night hadn’t turned into the chamber of horrors she’d been expecting.

I’ve actually enjoyed the movie watching tonight with Spike. I wonder if that means there’s still an apocalypse on the way.

Buffy’s thoughts were interrupted when she suddenly realized Spike had muted the television and was sitting completely still, staring up the ladder at the crypt’s ground floor.

She automatically lowered her voice. “What’s up?”

“Three demons, Slayer, moving around right outside the crypt.”

“They need to learn that it’s rude to show up late for a movie.” She reached for her knife. “Let’s go tell them.”

“How’s your leg?”

Buffy impatiently brushed aside the question. “I’m fine.”

Spike glanced at the Grundy. Wide awake, she was sitting up, her eyes a deep red. “Uh, Slayer, the beastie woke up and someone’s got to stay with her.”

“Not someone, Spike, you.” Buffy headed for the stairs. “She’s more important than a couple sneak thieves. I’ll take care of our movie crashers, you’ll take care of her.”

“This is still my crypt.”

“I know that, but do you really think she’s going to stay down here and behave for me while you’re up there?”

The vampire sighed. “Fine, but I’m comin’ upstairs just in case. I’ll bring her with me on a leash.”

Buffy didn’t want to argue the point. The demons might get away. “Whatever. Don’t take her outside, just in case.” She started climbing the ladder. “I’ll be back in a few.”

Spike grabbed the chain and hooked it to the Grundy’s collar. “Come on Empress. The Slayer might need some backup.” The demon growled low in her throat as Spike picked her up and jumped up through the opening.

Listening to the shouting that had begun outside, Spike scanned the room and made a quick decision. “I’m going to put you here Empress.” He wrapped the chain around the leg of his chair.

Stooping down to her level, he stared into the young animal’s eyes. “I want you to stay right here and try to keep quiet. Understand? Those baddies out there might be lookin’ for you.”

The demon bared her teeth, but remained quiet. “Good girl. I’ll be right back; I just need to make sure the Slayer’s got everythin’ under control.” Spike gently rubbed her head. The Grundy sat on her haunches and followed him to the door with her eyes.

Spike hesitated at the crypt door. “Remember Empress, stay completely still.”

Closing the door carefully behind him, Spike scanned the trees and grave markers within the immediate vicinity but didn’t see anyone. Inhaling deeply, he followed the scent to a dead demon at the tree line, blood spreading from a chest wound. He quickly ran the perimeter around the crypt. He could hear the Slayer around back, still fighting.

“You must have eaten an extra bowl of stupid today to come sneaking around here. But all those extra carbs can’t help you now.” Buffy punched the demon and it stumbled, falling heavily to the ground. Twisting its neck until she heard a snap, she let the head drop back to the ground.

She’s got number two taken care of, right down to the quip. Spike tried to locate the third heartbeat behind her. Bollocks, he’s gone. He walked around back and found the Slayer staring down at the dead demon. “I thought you said there were three of them. I only got to kill two.”

“There were three.” He rolled the demon over. “This is one of Morty’s boys. The third one must have had orders to take off if there was any trouble. He didn’t stick around long enough for you to get to him.” Spike punched the crypt. “Bollocks. Now Morty knows I didn’t leave town.”

“So, you didn’t leave town. Who is Morty and why’s that such a biggie?”

“Morty is the demon I told you about earlier, the one workin’with the men searching for the Grundy. At the very least he’ll send more of his clan around to find out why I didn’t leave town and why the Slayer is payin’ me a friendly late night visit. Hell, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the only way I’d have the dosh to pay him off is if I had a big job. All of that together spells Grundy. Slayer, we need to pack up and get out of here.” Spike looked up at the moon. “There are still a couple more hours until sunrise. We’ll take the Desoto.”

Buffy laid a restraining hand on his arm. “Where would we go Spike? Besides, I don’t run from a fight, that’s not my style. She’s behaving better now, so maybe I should take Empress and just go home.”

“They’ve already hurt Anya and possibly killed another innocent person. You don’t want to put your mum or sis in danger. Besides, the Grundy isn’t ready for you to take her anywhere alone yet.”

She bit her lip, thinking it through. “Fine, we’ll all three go to a cheap motel and in the morning I’ll call Giles.”

“That’s probably the best choice we’ve got at the moment.” Spike replied, following the Slayer through the crypt door.

Buffy stepped across the Grundy’s chain and walked to the front of the chair. Stopping abruptly, her eyes widened. “Uh oh.”

Spike, following right behind her, swerved and tripped over the chain. “Bollocks, Slayer.” Massaging his shin, he limped over to stand beside her. When he could finally see what had caused her to stop short, his mouth dropped. “What the bloody hell happened here?”

Not having an answer to his astonished question, long moments of silence stretched out between them until finally the Slayer’s lips quirked. “I left you alone for all of ten minutes and you managed to turn the Grundy into a lawn ornament. The only thing she’s missing is a red pointed hat.”

They both contemplated the motionless demon again. Empress sat on her haunches; head held high, eyes staring blankly. Somehow their charge appeared to have become a perfectly cast, solid concrete Grundy statue.

Still trying to wrap her brain around the abrupt change, Buffy laid a hand lightly on the Grundy’s gray head. Cold. “Yuck, she even feels like concrete.”

Pulling her hand back, the Slayer studied the statue from the side. “You know, with those curved nails and the scales on her stomach, she sort of looks like a chubby gargoyle.” She turned to the vampire, placing her hands on her hips. “Okay, Spike, so what exactly did you do that turned her into a still life?”

“I didn’t do anything. While you walked outside, I chained her to the chair. Then I explained about the baddies and told her to wait in here. Although a little upset at bein’ left behind, I swear she was still warm when I closed the door.” His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “This must be one of her demon aspects, some kind of protection thing and she’s been trained to control it with a command.”

He knelt down in front of the little Grundy, still thinking out loud. “I must have said something that triggered this. We need to figure out the trigger and then how to reverse it.”

“Wait; let’s don’t be too hasty here. She’s actually a whole lot easier to deal with like this.” The Slayer brightened. “I’ve got it! We’ll stick her up on one of your shelves, or on top of the TV. If anyone shows up, they’ll just think she’s some sort of Goth decoration. After all, this is a crypt.”

Spike shot her a look. “I don’t think the Council’s goin’ to be too happy givin’ that ambassador a Goth decoration when he’s expecting a Grundy that actually moves.” He said wryly. “Besides we don’t know how long it’s safe for her to remain like this. She’s not breathin’.”

“You’re the expert on not breathing, but you’re right, we do have to fix this.” Running her hand along the Grundy’s stomach, Buffy added hopefully, “Maybe there’s a hidden switch or a button.”

“You daft bint, she’s not a soddin’ robot.” Exasperated, Spike stood up and ran a hand through his hair. “There’s got to be another trigger word to undo this. I told her to stay. What’s the opposite of stay? Or maybe still?”

“I don’t know, what about move or run? She does both of those really well.” Buffy snickered. “I’m pretty sure the opposite of still would be Spike.” Becoming serious again, she contemplated the Grundy, running her eyes across the statue’s scales one more time. “Are you absolutely certain there’s no release button on her stomach?”

They both heard a low noise. The Grundy shimmered briefly and her gray coloring vanished. Tail wagging rapidly, she tilted her head and looked at her two relieved companions.

“You figured it out Slayer. That was the word.” Buffy voice was relieved.

Buffy watched the Grundy rub against Spike. “Button was the right word?” She looked confused. “I’d already said that one.”

Amused, Spike reached down to unchain the demon. “No, Slayer, the word was release.”

“Okay, so now we return to our regularly scheduled program of driving off into the night. But first, we need to get some stuff together and I have to find my other knife. Have you seen it? I thought I left it right here on your chair.”

“No bloody idea, but it’s only a back up anyway. You’ve still got the one you used during the fight and if you need another one, I’ve got one you can borrow. We need to get out of here as soon as possible, we’re burning night.”

“Spike?”

“Yeah Slayer?”

“Let’s don’t bother Giles with this little statue incident. Deal?”

“Deal.”

To ensure the least amount of shedding, the coat should be brushed daily using a stiff artificial bristle brush. Stomach scales may be gently rubbed with a soft damp cloth. Good quality soap is essential for basic cleansing needs. It is imperative that the immature Grundy be taught early to lie still for ease of grooming.
- The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3-The Grundy


The shrill ring of the telephone awoke Giles. After Anya’s adventure at the Magic Box, he’d stayed late searching fruitlessly for clues to the mysterious man’s identity. When finally back in his apartment, he’d stayed awake even later, trying to decide how best to convey everything to Travers.

Fumbling for the receiver, he blinked blearily at the bedside clock. It read 5:30. As of this moment he’d had a grand total of four hours sleep.

Punching the button on the receiver, he realized this was the second time in a twenty-four hour period he’d been awakened by a ringing phone. I need an answering machine. Rubbing his eyes, he reached for his glasses. “Hello?”

“Hi Giles. Did I wake you?” Buffy’s voice sounded exceedingly chipper.

“No, not at all. I was just preparing to go out and collect some eggs for breakfast.”

His wry tone wasn’t lost on Buffy. “That was a joke, right?”

No flies on my Slayer. Giles headed for the kitchen and much needed caffeine. “Yes, that was a joke.” Something finally filtered through his sleep deprived brain. “Buffy, where are you? You should still be with Spike at his crypt.”

“Actually I’m still with Spike, but not at the crypt. We’re at the Gran Torino Motor Court over in Seabreeze. Spike said it’s named after some kind of old car, the same kind that Starsky and Hutch drove, whoever they were.” She giggled again, still sounding way too peppy. “No matter who drove it, I’ll bet it’s another ugly old car like the Desoto.”

“It’s exceedingly early. Please tell me in short one syllable words why you are both no longer at Spike’s crypt.”

He fumbled with the coffee filters while his Slayer sighed and answered, sounding very put upon. “Fine. This isn’t easy for me either you know. I haven’t had any sleep.”

Cursing the obvious resiliency of youth, Giles fumbled with his spoon and coffee grounds spilled across the counter. Staring at the mess, he could feel a tension headache begin to pulse. Rubbing his left temple, he filled the coffee maker one handed. “Buffy…”

“Demons at Spike’s crypt last night, more soon, we left. Drove here now. I think they were all one syllable, except for demon of course, but if I’d said ‘de’ or ‘mon’ you would have been clueless.”

Controlling the impulse to bang his head on the grounds covered counter, Giles tried to fill in the blanks. “Is the Grundy alright?”

“She’s fine. I would have added that in, but Grundy is another two syllable word and I’d already used ‘demon’.”

Pushing aside the carafe, he thrust his mug directly under the dark flow. Raising it to his lips, he gulped half the steaming liquid in the mug. Ooh, hot, hot!!!

Oblivious to the third degree burns her Watcher had just suffered in the line of duty, the Slayer continued. “We’re out of money and since the sun is up, we’ll have to stay here for the day. After you talk to Travers, I figured you’d want to have a convo. I’m going to ask Willow to research info on our demon pet and have her meet you at the Magic Box later today. Do you want the phone number here?”

He swiped at the tears streaming down his face. “Thust a minute. Let me get a penthil.”

“Huh? I think your phone is messing up.”

“Let me get a Penthil. Okay, thoot.”

Buffy rattled off the number. “I’ll wait for your call and don’t forget about the money. Spike says we don’t have enough gas to drive back to Sunnydale. They have a Western Union sign in the office here. Talk to you later. Have a super morning.”

Hanging up, he headed for the medicine cabinet and the extra strength Tylenol. He would need double the normal dosage before his morning got any more super.

*****

Buffy hung up the phone and turned to Spike. The vampire was lying across the other bed gently stroking the Grundy’s scaly tummy. They’d agreed to share a room so they could both guard the Grundy. Somehow it didn’t seem as squicky to Buffy as it would have yesterday, but there wasn’t really a choice anyway. They only had enough money for one room. “I’m pretty sure Giles’ phone just broke. He sounded like he was underwater at the end.”

“Did you finish your conversation?”

“Yeah, it was good timing. Anyway, he’s going to call us back in a couple hours after he talks with Quentin Travers at the Council.” She made a face. “That guy drives me beyond crazy.”

“Speaking of the Council, Slayer, I was wondering what your Watcher told you about the deal they made for the Grundy.”

“Nothing at all really. Why?”

Spike dug through the tote they’d repacked. Afraid to leave any clues behind, they’d brought all of the Grundy’s possessions with them. “She was wearin’ this at first.”

Buffy looked at the delicate collar, turning it over to inspect the fine gold filigree. “This is seriously expensive.” She ran a finger gently across the stones. “Quentin Travers is cheap. Every time I see him, he’s wearing the same suit. I just don’t see him doing the top dollar gifty thing.”

She handed the collar back to Spike and watched him place it carefully in the tote. “It already sounds like the Grundy was way more money than they would normally spend on a present for one of their yes men.”

“That’s what I thought, too. There’s no one cheaper than that bloody Watcher’s Council, they even make Anyanka look extravagant.”

Buffy reached for the telephone again and started dialing another number.

Spike cocked an eyebrow. “Who are you callin’ now? It’s still only 6:00 a.m.”

Buffy placed the receiver against her ear before answering. “Willow. She gets up at 5:00 and I want to catch her before she leaves for school.” She turned her attention to the phone. “Hey Will…. Spike and I are in Seabreeze hiding from some demons….Yup, still got it so far. Can you do me a favor after your class this morning? I want you to find out everything you can about these Grundy demons. G-r-u-n-d-y….. No, you call me back. Here’s the number. What?...... Yeah, that’s a good idea, I told him you’d let him know. He’ll be at the Magic Box, but not until after noon…… Okay, thanks. Bye.”

She replaced the receiver. “She’ll call us around noon. She’s going to take the info to the Magic Box so Giles can hear it, too. He’ll have finished talking with Travers by then and hopefully wired some money here. In the meantime, we need to get some sleep.”

Yawning, Spike agreed. I still can’t wrap my head around us in the same room. When did the world go all pear shaped and we become partners, if only for a bit? He lovingly stroked the Grundy’s stomach. It’s all because of you. When this is all over, you’re going to get the biggest bone I can find.

Buffy reached for the ancient clock on the nightstand. “I’ll set this alarm clock for 11:00. That will give us time to wake up and maybe eat before Willow calls back. I’m going to order take out pizza for lunch.” Buffy nodded at the ice bucket. “I know you brought blood, but you’re welcome to pizza goodness, too.”

Teasing gently, Spike looked over at the blonde and replied, “That’s very charitable, Slayer, especially since I’m the only one with any dosh at the moment.”

Chuckling, Buffy plumped her pillow. “Yeah, well that’s me, the Very Charitable Slayer, especially with other people’s ‘dosh’.”

She watched the vampire double check the heavy curtains and the door lock. Stretching out on top of his own coverlet, the Grundy immediately scooted next to him, resting her head on his chest.

“Sleep tight Spike. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

Spike chuckled and decided he should warn Buffy to stay on top of the covers. There was no doubt in Spike’s mind that her childhood saying could prove to be true. Among other things, the Gran Torino Motor Court was probably filled to capacity with the itchy little buggers. He only hoped they didn’t manage to worm their way into the Grundy’s coat. He could only imagine the havoc Empress would cause if she started to itch.

****

“Anya, what are you doing?” Xander watched his girlfriend sliding hangers across the closet bar. “Giles told you to take the day off.”

“Although I feel perfectly fine this morning other than a slight bump, I’m not going to the Magic Box.” She pulled out a light blue dress. “But I am going to see Giles. I want to talk to him before he speaks with that Travers man this morning, so I’m going to his apartment.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“You don’t have to drive me. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”

“I know that. But I’m off until at least three o’clock, we’re doing a concrete pour and until that sets up, I’m footloose and fancy free. So let me drive you. We can stop at that little diner you like for pancakes. I don’t get to spend that much time with you in the mornings. We can combine it into a two-for-one, diner fun and business.”

Xander didn’t mention how frightened he’d been last night when he’d seen Anya sprawled on the shop floor. He knew she wouldn’t let him drive her if she thought it was protectiveness talking, so he’d called in sick while she was still in the shower. Xander planned to stick to her like glue until this Grundy mess at the shop was cleared up.

Anya smiled. “I love that little diner.”

“Great. I’ll read the paper until you’re ready to go.”

“I won’t be too long.” She walked back in the bathroom and Xander heard the blow dryer. Mission accomplished. Opening the morning paper, he glanced at the front page and a story printed below the fold caught his attention. He read the reporter’s account of the mysterious murder of an older woman, a local breeder here in Sunnydale, and his jaw set in a hard line.

The Grundy acquires a full set of seventy two serrated upper and lower teeth on average within the first two weeks after birth. Once a full set has been acquired, it is necessary to provide preventative dental care on a regular basis. An array of steel files are widely available throughout the marketplace specifically for this purpose. For ease of filing and other activities, the immature Grundy should be taught to unhinge the jaw with a one word command.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


Willow finished her class and walked into the university library where it was quiet and the internet access fast. She dropped her books on the floor at the end of an empty table and booted up her laptop. Accessing one of the myriad of supernatural websites she’d frequented through the years, Willow punched in the topic of her search. Several results quickly popped up. Chewing on a pencil, she settled in to read everything she could find on the Grundy.

*****
Giles, having finished breakfast and a long hot shower, finally felt ready to face the day. His headache banished, he poured a cup of herbal tea and picked up the telephone. After dialing a transatlantic call, he dropped a slice of lemon in the cup while he waited for someone to pick up at the other end. “Quentin Travers, Please. Rupert Giles calling.”

“One moment, please.” The secretary clicked off, leaving Giles stuck listening to a banal rendition of Respect sung by someone not Aretha. As the vocalist proved she could barely spell the word, the secretary returned to the line.

“I’m sorry Mr. Giles, but Mr. Travers is on an important conference call.” The young secretary’s nasal voice was full of manufactured regret.

“When do you expect him to be available?” He pressed harder. “It’s imperative that I speak with him as soon as possible.”

Thrown by the unexpected pushiness of the caller, she stammered slightly. “Uh, I’m not really sure, but possibly not until very, very late.” Her voice smoothed out. “I would be glad to take a message.”

So that’s how it is. “No thank you.” He rung off and leaned back in the chair, his brow furrowed. Quentin was obviously ducking his call. Why?

He was still sitting there ten minutes later when the doorbell rang. Anya breezed through followed closely by Xander. “Good morning Giles.”

“Anya. How’s your head?”

“Better than our bottom line if we don’t get this broken merchandise squared away. Travers needs to pay for every single piece and refinishing the floor.”

Giles raised a hand to stop his partner before she blew into port under full sail. “I just tried to reach Quentin and I couldn’t get past his secretary. He won’t take my call.” He watched his partner’s sail rapidly deflate.

“He blew you off? Isn’t that against some Watcher code?”

Xander interrupted what was about to become a conversation he didn’t want to listen to on a very happy full stomach. “Have you read this morning’s paper?”

“Actually, Xander, with all that’s been going on, I haven’t actually had the chance.” He pointed to the still folded paper lying next to the chair. “Help yourself.” He seemed to really notice the man for the first time. “Why aren’t you at work?”

Standing behind Anya, Xander made the ‘cut’ gesture across his throat, shaking his head rapidly. “I have the day off.” Unrolling the newspaper, he handed the front page to the Watcher. “I’ve already read it, but I want to show you something.”

Confused, Anya asked, “What are you talking about?” as she leaned over Giles’ shoulder to look.

After rapidly scanning the article, Giles met Xander’s eyes. “So the breeder was killed and then her facility set on fire.”

Xander nodded. “They killed her and all the breeding stock, too.”

Wrapping her arms around herself, Anya shivered. “That’s disgusting. Those poor things. Why would they kill all those Grundies?”

Xander placed his hand on her arm and tugged her close. “It’s too late to worry about them, they’re already dead. We need to concentrate on the one we’ve still got. Speaking of which, where’s Buffy and Captain Peroxide? I thought they’d be circling the wagons over here or are they still at Spike’s crypt?”

“Actually there have been a couple of developments since last night. It seems our strangers have joined forces with some local demons. They went looking for Spike and the Grundy last night at the crypt. Buffy and Spike had to leave in the Desoto. Which reminds me, I have to wire some money to them and then meet Willow at the Magic Box. Buffy ask her to do some research for us.”

“I’m going with you.” Anya turned to Xander. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Xander.” She touched his face. “And I do think it’s sweet. But if you want to play bodyguard, then you’ll have to go where I want. That’s the way it works. The guarder follows the guarded around.”

Anya moved toward the door, back in full sail. “Let’s go send Buffy some money so she and Spike can waste it and then we’ll meet Willow. I, for one, would love to learn more about a Grundy. Economically speaking, they’re incredible. Very little outlay and a huge return when sold. Not to mention that entire adorableness factor.”She opened the door and stepped outside.

Giles looked at Xander, a small smile playing across his lips. “Very well.”

Xander shrugged. “Who’s driving? You or me?”

*****

After telling his new secretary that he didn’t wish to speak with Mr. Giles at all today, Quentin Travers hung up the telephone in the conference room. Pasting a smile on his face, he turned back to the group assembled around the table.

“In conclusion, everything is going along as planned and we will continue our discussion in two hours. I’ll see everyone back here after the dinner break.” Preparing to leave, he turned to a dark skinned man rising to his feet. “Ambassador, this has been a most pleasant surprise. I wasn’t aware that you were in London.”

The unctuous gentleman looked down his aquiline nose. “I felt this was much too important to leave solely in the hands of the Council. The aftershock may very well affect the outcome of the mediation and I expect you to keep me apprised of any new developments immediately.”

“Absolutely,” replied Quentin smoothly before gesturing toward the door. “Now, please allow me to buy you dinner.” He stepped aside to allow the man to pass. “After you, Sir.”

As the Ambassador passed through the doorway, Quentin glanced at the other people standing around the table gathering their possessions and chatting. Catching the eye of one person in particular, he nodded imperceptivity before following his guest into the hall.

The other seven men and one woman left the room. Walking down the hall, the blonde woman broke from the group. Flashing an apologetic smile, she walked toward the Ladies’ room. Waiting until the group dispersed so she wouldn’t be observed, she used the side stairs and slipped from the building. Sheltered in a bus kiosk a few blocks away, she dialed a number on her cell phone. Nervously twisting a strand of short blonde hair, she listened to the phone ring. After twelve rings, she reluctantly hung up. Pushing her glasses higher on her nose, Lydia made the decision to try again after dinner. She had to reach Rupert Giles.

*****

“Bah, there is nothing here.” Disgusted, the soldier threw the newspaper down, adding it to the scattered pile of debris littering the floor. “There is no indication at all that the beast has ever been here.”

The Lieutenant walked out of the bedroom. “I agree. I don’t believe the woman would have brought it here from the shop.” He stared thoughtfully at the trashed apartment. “Someone we aren’t aware of must have the beast.” He motioned for the other two soldiers to accompany him. “I think we should speak with that demon from the bar again. Perhaps he has discovered something new since yesterday.”

*****

Willow closed the laptop and glanced at her watch. She had about an hour before she had to meet Giles at the Magic Box. Listening to her stomach growl, she made the decision to grab a hamburger in the school’s cafeteria instead of waiting until after she’d finished talking to the Watcher.

Yum, a hamburger and maybe fries, too.

Slipping her book bag over her shoulder, she headed out into the bright sunshine. Walking across the expansive quad toward the campus cafeteria, she thought about all of the interesting things that she’d learned during her research.

Willow completely understood the urge to own a Grundy. It seemed the little demon was quite a rare and unusual pet and she couldn’t wait to tell everyone all the interesting things that she had learned. In fact, Willow wished she could keep one herself. They were certainly more unique than fish and a lot less boring. Opening the door to the cafeteria, she idly thought of ways she could hide its more obvious demon aspects from her usually clueless parents.

The Grundy should have the claws on all four paws ground on a regular basis to avoid behavioral problems, especially if kept indoors as a family pet. It is imperative that the immature Grundy be trained to allow the paws to be handled. Each claw should be ground once per month using an electric disc grinder with a sixty grit disc.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy

Buffy awoke from a sound sleep before the alarm. She realized that something heavy was across the lower half of both legs, making her uncomfortable. Trying to shift so she could fall back to sleep, she realized whatever it was wouldn’t allow her to move. Groaning, she reluctantly opened one eye. The Grundy was lying stretched across both calves, mouth open in a pant, staring intensely at the Slayer. When Buffy opened the other eye, the demon jumped to her feet, wagging her tail enthusiastically.

“Oh, so look at who wants to be friendly all of a sudden. Let me guess. You need to go outside, don’t you?”

Sitting up on her elbows, Buffy noticed the leash lying next to her. “You brought me your leash? That’s actually pretty cool. Okay, here’s the thing you should know about me. I could flip you across the room in a heartbeat, but I don’t really want to do that, so if you move it’ll go a lot better.”

She had hardly finished the sentence before the Grundy bounded from the bed and stood at the door. Shuffling from paw to paw she stared anxiously between Buffy and the door.

Stretching, Buffy stood up and glanced at the other bed. Spike was still asleep. Sometime during the early morning, he’d rolled onto his stomach. He was such a hyper mouthy guy that this total stillness gave her a serious wig. Buffy decided she really liked him better when he was awake, at least then she knew how to deal with him. The fidgeting Grundy snuffled loudly, reminding her of why she’d gotten up in the first place.

Still yawning, she snapped on the leash. Opening the door Buffy stepped outside and squinted in the sunshine. She’d forgotten it was daylight, the room was so dark. Her internal clock was going to be so screwed up.

Scanning for an appropriate area, she steered the small demon around the concrete sign toward the back of the worn motor lodge to a patch of brown grass that had once been a play yard. They walked past a rusted swing set that had been new when Hutch- or maybe Starsky- had enjoyed a flat stomach and a full head of hair. Stopping just beyond, the Slayer yawned again.

Taking her first good look at the decrepit building in daylight, Buffy wrinkled her nose. This place is a serious dump. Motor Lodge even sounds cheaper than motel and I so see why. The Grundy pulled on the leash so Buffy pulled her eyes away from a particularly large crack in the foundation and obediently followed. Once the Grundy had completed her morning routine, they headed back toward the room.

Walking across the hot concrete parking lot, the Slayer was struck again by the fact that the Grundy had requested her for walking detail instead of Spike. It’s almost as if she knew Spike couldn’t come out here right now. Okay now the thought that this little demon knows about vampires is just a little too wiggy to think about before lunch. Her stomach growled. Oh, lunch.

“Uh, Empress?” Buffy wasn’t sure she liked the name Spike had attached to the demon, but she answered to it readily, so why rock the boat? A little pretentious to her ears, it was still way better than ‘hey you.’ She smirked. And it would get more than a little confusing if Spike started calling the Grundy ‘pet’ like he does everybody else. She realized the demon had stopped and was staring up at her. Oh yeah, I said her name.

“We need to walk up to the office and see if Giles wired our money.” She waited to see what would happen next. Bemused, she caught herself. Am I really waiting to see if the she understood me? The Grundy turned away from their door. Oh my God! She got the message.

But all the little demon did was move to the sidewalk and start sniffing. Buffy shook her head, laughing at herself. Okay, she just doesn’t want to go in yet. She started for the office and the little animal fell sedately into step by her side. It was amazing how well behaved the Grundy was being for her this morning. On the other hand, at the moment I’m all she’s got.

Opening the door to the office, she was hit with a dual blast of ice cold air and classic rock.

“Excuse me.”

A heavy set gray haired man in a faded Hawaiian shirt looked up from the desk. He frowned at the blond with the little dog. “Sorry, no refunds. Check out was an hour ago.”

“No, not checking out. I’m still in. Summers. Room 106. I’m looking for some money that was supposed to be wired for me.”

Happy that Buffy wasn’t another hung over customer that hadn’t left the room in time, the clerk smiled, displaying a full set of yellowed teeth. “It’s here. We got it in a little while ago.” He slid a form across the counter. “Fill this out and I’ll need some identification.” He looked down at the quiet Grundy. “Nice dog. What happened to it?”

Buffy handed back the form. “Bad groomer. I’m so suing.”

“I don’t blame you.” He reached in the register for the money.

*****

The soldiers had to wait quite awhile before the shop proprietor and his companions left the premises. Once they were certain the trio would not return, they broke in through the back door and began their search. It was quickly apparent that the beast was not being housed in this location either. Other than the phone persistently ringing during their search, the apartment was quiet.

The soldiers phoned their lieutenant and were given orders to watch the shop itself until further notice. As the telephone began ringing yet again, the soldiers left for the shop surveillance.

*****

Lydia closed her cell phone. Nervously pacing in the tiny bathroom of the Indian restaurant where she always dined, she slipped the little phone back into her purse. Once again she’d summoned up the nerve to ring Rupert and once again she’d been unable to reach him. Pushing her glasses up, she set her shoulders. If Mohammed wouldn’t come to the mountain, the mountain would go to Mohammed.

Walking out of the restaurant, she hailed a taxi. “I need to locate an internet café, please, preferably close by.”

The taxi driver twisted around slightly to address his passenger. “There’s one four blocks over. Will that be alright?”

“That will be fine. Thank you.” The taxi threaded its way through the snarl of early evening London traffic while Lydia leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes in concentration. If only she could remember the internet address that she needed, the rest would be child’s play.

*****

“I’m sorry but Morty doesn’t usually show up here until well after dark.” Willy nervously wiped the same part of the scarred bar over again. “It’s the type of clientele he caters to, you know. Most of them aren’t too interested in acquiring a tan.”

He stared at the silent man dressed in black standing with his arms crossed. “If you want, I’ll be glad to give him a message.” He tried a tremulous smile. “Would you like a beer? It’s on the house.”

He looked over the man’s shoulder at the two men standing behind him. “Of course, I’m offering for everyone. I could probably rustle up some pretzels, too. We’re not open for another couple hours so the deep fryer isn’t hot enough for anything.” Willy realized he was babbling and quickly clamped his mouth shut.

Ignoring the overture, the Lieutenant looked at the twitchy bartender and snapped, “Where is the demon now?”

“Um, I’m not supposed to give that information out. Morty doesn’t like most people to know where he lives.” Willy cringed, twisting his bar rag into a tight knot.

The man leaned across the bar and grabbed the small man by the lapels. His eyes glittered. “You can tell me. I’m not most people.”

Willy saw the knife and gulped. “No problem. I can tell you’re the type of discriminating visitor Morty would enjoy seeing any time of day.”

When the stranger released him, Willy wiped the flop sweat from his brow with the bar rag and reached for a pen. “I’ll write the address down for you.” His hand shook so much it took two tries.

****

When Buffy returned to the room, she heard the shower running. A look at the empty bed and she brilliantly deduced Spike was getting cleaned up. Unhooking the Grundy‘s leash from her collar, she watched the young demon gambol around the room. She started to reprimand the Grundy for jumping and stopped herself. It isn’t like she can really hurt anything in here. Running her eyes across the worn out furniture, she lingered briefly on the tote bag. I need to remember to tell Giles about that other collar. No way would the Council pay for that. I bet it’s stolen or something.

Digging around in a couple of bedside drawers, Buffy found the Seabreeze phone directory. Running her finger down the listings, she located a pizza place that delivered.

Spike opened the door to the bathroom just as she hung up the phone. “I hope you like mushrooms.”

The vampire nodded. “Mushrooms are good.” He reached down to pet the Grundy butting her head against his leg. “Hi Empress, are you ready for breakfast?” Pulling things out of the tote, he started setting up her dishes.

Buffy watched the breakfast preparations for a moment. “Giles wired the money.” She laid some bills on the little corner table. “I’m going to grab a shower; I hope you left some hot water.”

“Never turned it on.”

“Oh.” For an instant there, I forgot Spike was a vampire. How weird is that? “Will you pay the pizza guy?”

Spike filled the Grundy’s water dish. “No problem. Say, Slayer, have you seen the remote control for the telly? I thought I saw one sittin’ on the table when we checked in.”

Buffy racked her brain, trying to remember if she’d seen one. “No, but after lunch I can go to the office and ask if you want. We’re gonna be stuck in here all day, it would be nice to have TV goodness.” She picked up the overnight bag she’d hurriedly packed on their way out of town and went in the bathroom.

Spike waited until the Grundy was working heartily on her food before he started searching the room. Checking under the table in case the active demon knocked it on the floor, Spike was reminded again of his missing lighter. What if that bloody chip causes gradual memory loss?

Beginning to worry that he was eventually going to be as daft as his Sire, he thoroughly searched all around the room, pulling out drawers and lifting furniture. After looking under both beds for the second time, he gave up the hunt.

Clenching his fists, he reluctantly admitted defeat. The remote, if there had ever been one to begin with- he was no longer sure of anything anymore- had vanished into thin air. He flashed on himself wandering around Sunnydale half dressed, having forgotten to put on some of his clothes. Wouldn’t the Slayer have a laugh.

Spike lit a cigarette with a faded book of matches he found in a clear glass ashtray and punched on the television manually. Waiting for the old machine to warm up completely, the vampire exhaled and then inhaled deeply again, calming his nerves. There were definite benefits to old motels, especially when it came to smoking in the rooms.

Besides his mental worries, Spike felt a little dazed this morning about his current situation. He was standing in a motel room, albeit an old ratty one, having had an actual shower with free soap and shampoo, preparing to watch color telly, and with a pizza on the way that he didn’t have to scam or otherwise pay for. He even had company for the day in the form of the Grundy, not to mention the Slayer, who’d been decent company in her own right and for the past twenty four hours. That alone was one for the books.

He looked down fondly at the little demon noisily crunching, her nose buried in the bowl. No wonder you’re such a popular pet, you’re really a fairy godmother with fur.

A knock on the door pulled him back to the present. He heard a human heartbeat on the other side and moving closer, he could smell pizza. Certain now that it was safe to open the door, he grabbed the dosh the Slayer had left on the table. But before he could open the door, the Grundy had moved in front of him growling.

He reached down to pet the young demon. “’s alright Empress, it’s just mine and the Slayer’s food.” He nudged her back with his foot and opened the door. “Move back, you can’t go outside.” He blocked her with his legs and the Grundy pushed harder against him. “Sorry, pet, but I’m a wee bit stronger than you.”

Carefully avoiding the sunlight and holding the Grundy back, Spike held out the bills. Once the delivery driver had them in his grasp, he grabbed the pizza and bottled drinks, closing the door with one foot.

As soon as the door closed, the Grundy immediately abandoned her spot in front of it, choosing to dance around the room, tail wagging.

Spike smirked. “Oh, so now you want to play? Just like every female I’ve ever met. You won’t listen to a word I say, instead you want me to do everythin’ your way.”

The Grundy looked at Spike and snuffled, her nose in the air.

“She’s just saying what every woman says when a man comes up with something that dumb.” Buffy was leaning against the door jam with her arms crossed, a smile playing across her lips.

Spike set the pizza on the table and turned to the blonde. “Oh and what might that be?”

“She just said, “I’m ready to listen- but are you ready to think?” She smirked at the vampire.

He chuckled and countered, “Nah, that can’t be right.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“Because blokes know that women really like their men silent- That way they can think we’re really listening to them.”

“I think this is a conversation neither of us will win, so in the name of eating warm pizza, I’m calling it a draw.” She looked down at the Grundy. “We’ll get him next time.”

The little demon crooned, laying her head on her paws.

Reaching in the pizza box, he muttered. “No way I could win anyway, the estrogen level in here’s way too high.”

Buffy giggled.

Spike’s lips curved in a smile before biting into the slice.

The immature Grundy is a very sociable pet and easily trained for a variety of tasks. It can be housebroken as early as the second week after birth and by the third week may be taught several one word commands. For additional, more comprehensive tasks or security training, it is necessary to wait until the Grundy has attained four weeks of age. All training should be completed by the six week mark. After that point has been reached, it becomes much more difficult to train and may require professional help.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


“Hi Giles, Anya.” Willow walked through the door and gasped. “Wow, what happened to all your stuff. Did I sleep through another earthquake?”

Giles muttered. “A fur covered earthquake.”

Anya put down the pad and pencil. “It’s not completely fur covered; remember the scales on its stomach?”

Willow’s mouth dropped. “The Grundydid all of this?”

“Actually a little bit of it happened when I got conked on the head, but the majority of it is definitely Grundy created.” She smiled at Xander, who’d just walked in behind Willow, carrying several fast food bags.

“Lunch is served. Hey Will, want some tacos?” He stopped to lock the door behind him and peered out the window.

The redhead shook her head. “No thanks, I just ate.” Sitting down at the table, she opened her laptop. “You guys go ahead and eat. I’m going to check on an assignment that’s due in a couple of days. When you’re finished, we’ll talk Grundy.”

Giles watched Xander peer out the window for another moment before walking up. “What are you looking at?”

“There are a couple of guys watching the shop. The same car was sitting down the street when I left and it’s still there.” Listening to the women chatting behind him, he lowered his voice. “Anya said the man who knocked her out last night was dressed all in black. Both of those guys are wearing all black.” Xander’s hands curled into fists. “What do you want to do about it?”

“Nothing for the moment. What they’re doing isn’t illegal and the only thing they’ve learned sitting there so far is that we like tacos.” He spoke a little louder for the women’s benefit. “Did you remember extra hot sauce? I specifically requested it.”

While the other three ate their lunch, Willow looked through her email for the professor’s assignment. “Huh.” Eyes wide, she looked over at Giles eating his nachos. “Giles, I’ve got an email here that you need to see.”

“Whatever for?”

“Because it’s addressed to you.” At the Watchers curious look, she elaborated. “It’s addressed to you in care of me in my university email account. Remember when we gave the Council my addy a few months ago in case of an emergency?” Willow tapped the computer keys. “It’s from Lydia Chalmers. Who is she?”

“Another Watcher, currently stationed in London.”

Grimly Giles explained to Anya and Xander watching them both curiously, their own food forgotten. “In case of an emergency situation, the Council wanted a second way to reach Watchers out in the field and Willow volunteered her email address for my use. Lydia was in charge of that project, actually.”

Xander looked at the older man. “Then I’m going to take a wild stab here and guess this probably won’t be the corporate newsletter.”

Leaning over Willow’s shoulder, Giles read the email out loud to everyone.

Rupert
Quentin is being watched, so the task has fallen to me to apprise you of a growing situation. I’m sure by now you’ve noticed several unknown men around you. They seek an expensive and ancient Talisman and they will stop at nothing to procure it. It will be deadly in their hands as they plan to derail the summit and destroy many lives.

Two weeks ago the Talisman was secretly shipped from Los Angeles to the Hellmouth where everyone assumed it would be safe, especially with you and the Slayer as backup if necessary. It was given to a member of The Sisterhood for safe keeping; however we’ve been notified by the others within her circle that she was brutally murdered yesterday.

The Talisman’s current location has yet to be discovered by anyone, including the Council. Personally, I believe this is a good thing. Although Quentin refuses to believe that there is a spy among us, someone here pointed those men toward Sunnydale, so we have acted accordingly. We are depending on you and the Slayer to locate the Talisman and destroy it. Included within the attachment are instructions on how best to accomplish this task.
Good luck,
Lydia

“Extraordinary. A spy within the Council. Xander, see if those men are still outside.”

“What men?” Anya asked.

“I didn’t want to frighten you, but we were being watched earlier.”

Xander peered out the window. “We still are.”

Giles thought out loud. “According to that newspaper article, the only person murdered yesterday was the breeder, so she must have been the member of the Sisterhood. That would explain why someone broke in here last night. Somehow they learned she dropped the Grundy here and it was probably the only thing that had left her breeding facility in the past few days.”

“But there wasn’t anything unusual packed in with the Grundy’s things, I would have noticed,” Anya countered.

Willow interrupted the debate. “Shouldn’t we call Buffy and fill her in on everything? I promised to call an hour ago.”

“That’s a good idea. We all need to be on the same page.”

Pulling out the phone number she’d scribbled down that morning, Willow reached for the phone.

****

Buffy swallowed the last bite of pizza. “That was delish. Remind me to order their pizza again sometime.”

“Plan on returnin’ to Seabreeze some time in the future, ‘eh pet?”

“Well, this place is a hell hole, but you know, it could’ve been way worse.” She held up her hand. “I’m not saying it wins weekend getaway of the year, but on the Buffy meter of habitable hideouts, I’d give it a solid 6.5.” She wrinkled her nose. “If we could actually leave the motel room, it would probably zoom to a solid 7.”

“Yeah, who would have thought the Slayer could’ve been such an entertainin’ companion? It’s been such a nice change of pace.” Spike wanted to smack himself the moment the words left his mouth. Almost in slow motion, he watched Buffy realize what he’d said. A thunderous scowl appeared and her eyes flashed.

Bloody hell, why can’t I ever learn when to shut up? Had to go and give her a reason to be pissed off at me. What a ponce and we were getting’ along so well, too. I’ve got to fix this.

Feeling the sudden tension in the room, the Grundy looked up and her eyes darted between the two blonds.

Continuing to lean against the door jamb, the Slayer’s eyebrows arched. “Are you really that much of a jerk, or do you only play one in real life?

Grimacing at the Slayer’s tone of voice more than her choice of words, Spike sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Slayer, last night you asked for a do-over. Today I’d like to ask for one. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it. It was supposed to be a joke; it just didn’t come out that way. You know my mouth has a habit of running a lot faster than my brain.” He tried for a smile. “I guess I am that much of a jerk. In fact, I’d have to say that on the Buffy meter of stupidity, I just plummeted to 4.5.”

“I’m thinking more like a new low of 4 or maybe 3.5.” But her conscience prodded her. Spike had given her a break last night when she’d had her own case of foot in mouth disease and had not only forgiven her but managed to save them both from an entire night of unpleasantness and arguing. I do owe him this.

The telephone suddenly rang, breaking the tension. Buffy’s face creased in a forgiving smile. “And he was saved from further groveling by the bell.” Reaching for the phone, she added, “You’re forgiven, because when it comes to each other, we’re both mutually good at foot bullets.”

Spike answered with a relieved smile of his own.

*****

“To what do I owe this surprising visit to my home?” Morty leaned back in his desk chair, scowling at the black clad man standing in front of him. “I certainly don’t remember extending any personal invitations.”

The Lieutenant shifted. “I understand your need to maintain discretion and I respect that. However my Captain has requested an update from you and it can not wait until tonight. You were told when we secured this partnership that our time is very limited.”

“I do have some information.” Morty’s close set eyes glittered. “And I will be expecting some type of compensation as we discussed previously. Information is an important commodity here on the Hellmouth.”

The man dipped his head slightly. “As it is in most places. What have you discovered?”

“I believe I know who has your missing property.” He amended the statement and watched the soldier snap to attention.. “At least as recently as late last night.”

“Where is it?”

“It is in the safekeeping of a vampire named Spike. He has a crypt over in Restfield Cemetery.” The Lieutenant nodded briskly and made a move to leave, but Morty stopped him. “We went to retrieve your property, but Spike had already skipped.”

Frowning, the man asked, “Then of what value is this information?”

“Because you don’t know the rest. Spike is a weird vamp. He runs around occasionally with a bunch of white hat do-gooders and he was with the Slayer at the time.” The loan shark muttered almost to himself. “The traitor.”

“I was told there was a Slayer situated at this Hellmouth, but there was no indication that she was involved in any way. In fact my source assured me that she knew nothing about the situation. Where is she?”

“I don’t know where she is presently, but your Captain can be certain that if you locate the Slayer, you’ll locate your missing property, too.”

“Your information is still of no value. I have no way to trace her.”

“That’s not entirely true. She has someone who knows where she is at all times. I sent someone to check this morning and her Watcher is still here.”

“Then I shall pay a visit to the Watcher, but first I must notify my Captain.”

The loan shark smiled, displaying sharp, gleaming white teeth. “I thought that would be your decision. We’ll accompany you of course. I’ll wait while you phone to gather your men together.”

He motioned to Vinny standing at the door. “Get a couple of the boys. Tell them to be here in an hour.” He smiled again. “After all, partners should stick together, at least until we can dissolve our little partnership equitably.”

The Grundy adjusts easily to travel and can be transported readily. Confine the immature Grundy to a small carrier or tote after first allowing it to become familiar with its temporary environment. The mature Grundy may be walked on leash or confined within a larger carrier. There are several wire mesh carriers available that are designed for this purpose. Having arrived at the destination, confine the immature Grundy to a small area until it has completely adjusted to its new surroundings. Note: Do not confine your Grundy within anything made of wood nor allow complete freedom until several hours after the initial confinement.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


“Hi Buffy.”

“Willow. Is everyone there?”

“Hold on, I’m going to put you on speaker phone.” The witch punched a button on the Magic Box phone. “There, that’s better. We can all hear you now. Anya, Xander, Giles and I are all here.”

“Hang on while Spike and I get organized.”

She heard shuffling noises and then the Slayer returned to the line. “Okay, we’ve figured it out so we can both hear you.”

Willow nodded and realized Buffy couldn’t see her. “Uh, okay, so everyone’s ready. This is sorta cool, like a real conference call. We could be Scoobies, Incorporated.”

Buffy heard Giles clear his throat. I just know he’s got on his frowny-face and now he’s got Willow flustered.

Willow twisted her hands and continued. “I researched the Grundy like you asked. Boy, they’re really interesting demons.”

The witch’s voice grew faint as she moved slightly farther from the phone. Buffy heard a familiar noise and imagined Willow staring at her computer screen, tapping her pencil.

She had left space between the receiver and her ear so Spike could hear Willow, too. The vamp was listening intently, sitting near her on the bed with the Grundy next to him. The little demon had glued herself to the vampire again. Buffy looked down at Empress contentedly lying with her head in Spike’s lap. Huh. I’m good enough to take you out, but not good enough to sit with.

“So, Will, what did you find out about them?”

Someone adjusted the telephone at the other end and Willow’s voice came across the line a little louder. “They have enhanced night vision; as good as any vampire and they have very sensitive hearing, too. They’re born with these traits and they’re used extensively when the Grundy is purchased as a guard dog. They’re easily trained for almost any type of job as long as they’re taught while they’re still young. It becomes much harder to teach a Grundy once they’re older, especially if the owner waits until after they’re six weeks old, something to do with not accepting a pack leader. But otherwise, they’re really easy to take care of, but I guess we already knew that.”

Willow heard Giles mutter to Anya. “As long as you don’t own anything breakable.”

Anya whispered back. “Or anything made of wax or wood.” They shared a commiserate look.

Buffy’s voice came out of the speaker, sounding disappointed. “Is that it?”

Willow shook her head and then remembered about the phone. “No. Actually, a Grundy has a boatload of abilities, that’s why they’re so expensive. From what I’ve read, various traits continue to manifest as they mature, too.”

She looked at her screen and tapped her pencil. “The Grundy is empathic. It knows what the people around it are feeling, which makes them great for kids and the elderly. They’re also extremely smart; they can understand a vocabulary of over two hundred words and phrases. They’re also incredibly strong for their size and intensely loyal.” She grinned at Giles. “They’re also very active and require a lot of exercise, especially when young. Oh, and they eat wood.”

Startled, Buffy asked, “What did you just say about eating?”

“They eat hard wood. It’s a part of their natural diet. The book I read recommended a couple of easily available types.”

Anya narrowed her eyes. “I knew some of those teak Goddesses were missing.”

Spike glanced at the Grundy beside him, staring up at Buffy. She does understand me. Cutting his eyes to the Slayer still talking on the phone, he whispered in the demon’s ear. “Everything we talked about during our walk and everything I told you at the crypt, that’s just between us.”

He swore the Grundy winked. Spike noticed Buffy looking at him curiously, so he quickly pointed at the collar on the nightstand. “Don’t forget to tell them about the collar, pet.”

Nodding, Buffy picked up the expensive collar, but before she could mention it, Giles interrupted Willow. “This is all very interesting, but there have been some developments that are rather more important.”

He’s using that Giles- problemo voice again. There’s no where left to move from here but the ghetto. A vision rose of Spike and the Grundy standing on a street corner wearing gang colors and throwing signs while trying to convince her to have their gang tat inked on her upper arm in a show of solidarity. There’s no way I’ll blend in, spray paint makes me sneeze.

Placing the collar back on the nightstand, she sighed. “What happened? What are you talking about?”

Giles explained about the email from Lydia and the newspaper article about the murdered breeder. “We must try and locate the Talisman.”

Buffy and Spike’s eyes met over the telephone. She pointed at the collar and he nodded. “Giles, I think Spike and I should come back to Sunnydale a.s.a.p.”

“I agree that you no longer need to be concerned with guarding the Grundy so closely. We made that assumption erroneously because of the breeder’s concerns and her subsequent murder.”

“No, it’s more than that.”

“Oh?”

“I think Spike and I have the Talisman here with us.”

“Buffy, what are you talking about?”

“Did Lydia give you a description of the Talisman?”

“Actually, no, although she included ritual instructions which will destroy it. Lydia must have assumed we would recognize it when we saw it. It’s quite possible that she did not know herself.”

Stupid Council. Buffy glanced at Spike and rolled her eyes.

He smirked in reply. Watchers, they only ever have half the bleedin’ story. He scratched the Grundy’s ears and listened while the Slayer explained.

“The Grundy came with two collars, a nice normal leather one that matches her leash and then this other one. The second one has no place to attach a leash and it’s awfully fancy. It honestly doesn’t even look like a collar, more like an extremely expensive necklace or even a large bracelet.”

Anya nodded thoughtfully. “You know Giles, she might be right. A Talisman is made to be worn.”

“That’s true. Buffy, how soon could you and Spike return?”

“Spike? Any way we can leave for Sunnydale before tonight?” She looked at the vamp and waited. He was their driver; it was his decision to make.

Chuffed that the Slayer had left the decision to him, the vampire tried to find a way to make it work. He nodded slowly, thinking it through. “The sun will be behind us in a couple hours. I can drive in the daylight then; the Desoto’s windows are blacked out. We can probably be back in Sunnydale late this afternoon, depending on the traffic.”

“We’ll leave as soon as we can.” Buffy hung up the phone.

Disappointed, Willow turned off their phone. She hadn’t had the chance to tell Buffy the coolest stuff she’d discovered about the little demon. But the Talisman was the most important thing right now; she’d just have to fill her in later. “Giles, I’m going home. I’ll come back when Buffy shows up.”

The Watcher nodded absentmindedly. “Fine, we’ll see you then. Oh, Willow, while you’re out, would you collect anything not available here that is listed on Lydia’s attachment? We’ll destroy the Talisman the moment Buffy arrives with it.”

“Sure. I’ll bring everything back with me.” She waved cheerily. “Bye.”

Anya poked Xander. “I think you should drive her home. Those men are still stationed outside.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Come on Willow, the Xander-mobile is at your disposal.”

“Okay- dokay.” She picked up her book bag and laptop and followed Xander out to the street.

Anya carefully locked the door behind them. “We’re going to need to set up some space in the basement to destroy the Talisman. A large circle drawn on the floor up here is not the image we want to project to potential customers.”

“Because you’d never want customers in a magic shop to think actual magicks might be practiced here,” Giles muttered, following her down the stairs to the basement.

The Grundy is an extremely healthy demon and will readily withstand most ailments. However it is important to treat the immature Grundy at least once prior to maturation with a good anti-parasitic preparation. This will ensure a life long ability to reject parasitic infections. If the immature Grundy refuses to ingest the preparation, it may be necessary to place it within a hollow stick and offer as a treat. Wood from the camphor tree is often used for this purpose, having the unique ability to mask the medicinal smell of the preparation.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


“Spike, you could seriously use some air conditioning in here.” Sighing, Buffy blew her bangs away from her sweaty forehead. “It’s like an oven with these windows rolled up.” I’m surprised Alton Brown hasn’t peered in and declared me overdone.

The blacked out windows kept her from knowing whether they were driving on the interstate, two lane road, gravel drive way or even in a dry river bed. The disorientation was giving her a serious wiggins. We could even be on the sidewalk running over pedestrians for all I know. That last bump could’ve been somebody’s grandma. How would I explain the tread marks to a doctor?

Spike’s car had been so much different at night with the windows rolled down and cool air blowing through. Almost pleasant, that had been more like an actual car ride, even though the driver was a vampire and she’d been sitting next to a demonic dog. This was like a joyride through hell on sticky leather seats. I’ll bet hell is actually cooler; they probably have cloth seats.

Shifting restlessly, she tried to find a way to keep her skin from touching any part of the upholstery, unfortunately Slayer training hadn’t included how to hover. Buffy lifted her hair away from her neck and tried to take her mind off the sweat pooling beneath her. Sighing loudly again, she looked down at the Grundy lying between her and Spike.

The little furry demon looked miserable, too. Lying limply on her side, forked tongue lolling, her eyes were half open. Occasionally she’d open her eyes wider, stare at Spike and snort. The Grundy sounded as disgusted as Buffy felt. For once they were in total agreement.

“Classic cars like the Desoto don’t usually have air conditioning, hence the moniker classic.”

“I’ll bet Starsky and Hutch had air.”

Grinding his teeth, Spike glanced over at the annoying Slayer and the pain in the bum Grundy. This wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for him either. Chuffed at being the one to make the decision during the telephone meeting, he’d unwisely shaken off a sense of impending doom and agreed to drive during the worst of the afternoon heat. When will I ever learn?

While he’d driven during the day a few times before, it was always with another vampire and the temp inside the car hadn’t mattered. Except for the brightly shining sun, those trips had almost been pleasant.

This trip was utter and complete hell. A staking would almost be better.

The constant litany of complaints and the annoying morose sighs and snorts were grating on his last nerve, and all of that combined with the strain of squinting through the tiny square of clear windshield was beginning to give Spike a killer tension headache.

What did the daft bint think it would be like? I’m a soddin’ vampire, can’t exactly buy a ragtop and go for a scenic cruise up the A1A, Beach Boys blasting in the background.

He glanced down at the Grundy. She stared up at him reproachfully and snorted again. Turning back to the road, Spike grimaced and rubbed his throbbing left temple.

A couple moments later, he tightened his grasp on the steering wheel until his knuckles whitened when yet another put-upon sigh floated through the over heated air, followed immediately by yet another disgusted snort. Bloody damn women. I need to think of somethin’ fast before I kill them both.

A passing billboard offered salvation in the form of a large grocery chain. “How about I stop at the next exit and we’ll buy somethin’ cold to drink for you and Empress? Would that help?”

He was rewarded with a thin smile from the flushed Slayer. “That would definitely be of the good and we still have some money left anyway. Giles and the Council are both like government grants. If you don’t use all the money, they give less the next time.”

*****

“It would save a lot of time if supermarkets had a couple of aisles they just marked ‘unhealthy crap,’ Buffy complained. “It would seriously cut down on the miles of walking, don’t you agree?”

Spike shrugged, still a little put out. “Sorry Slayer, I’m not really good at empathy. Would you settle for sarcasm?”

Looking over her shoulder, she rolled her eyes for his benefit. “Just help me find the chocolate chip cookie dough.”

He watched the blonde, hips swinging, as she brazenly strolled through the store with a furry leashed demon bouncing along beside her. Only the Slayer would do that and expect to get away with it.Chuckling, he ran his eyes over the various signs. “Over here, pet.”

Smiling at him, Buffy reached over to open the double doors of the large freezer case. Delighted, both she and the Grundy basked in the cold air rolling from the open doors.

Spike chuckled again as he beheld the Slayer and the Grundy, both standing completely still, wearing identical expressions of pure bliss. Women.

Watching out of the corner of his eye, Spike noticed a bald, red-faced employee rushing toward them, shaking his head emphatically at the open freezer doors while angrily shaking a chubby finger at Empress. Spike read the embroidered name tag on his stained shirt. Assistant Manager Herbert D. Callahan.

Spike pivoted, waiting until he chugged closer to flash a little fang. Assistant Manager Herbert D. Callahan gasped, wheeled around and headed quickly in the opposite direction.

Amused, Spike turned back to the Slayer and admired the fine view she presented. This alone was worth listenin’ to all the complaining.

Buffy was bent over the ice cream freezer, bum in the air, short skirt riding up her thighs, head buried amount the lower shelves while she dug through various multi colored plastic tubs.

Her voice floated out from the depths. “Huh, they don’t have it. I should go up and complain to their management. Oh, but they’ve got two tubs of Mango Surprise.”
Triumphantly, she pulled out a violently orange tub. “I hope you like Mango Surprise, Spike.”

Never mind the mango, just color me surprised. “You want to share your ice cream with me Slayer?” Even after I’ve subjected you to this hell ride?

It was Buffy’s turn to be surprised. “Well, I know you’re a vamp and the heat doesn’t bother you, but I thought you’d probably like some ice creamy goodness, too.” She started to look embarrassed. “That is, unless you don’t want to share with me anymore.”

Staring down at the grocery floor, she added. “I mean, after the pizza today and the snacks last night and even the no tell motel, I thought we were all good with the sharing, especially after our foot bullet talk.”

The ball of embarrassment bounced squarely back into Spike’s court. “Of course, I’d love to share it with you. I just wasn’t sure you’d want me to, after I put you through this drive.” Gruffly he added, “Anythin’, anytime, Slayer.”

Pleased with his response, Buffy lifted her eyes. “I basically forced you to drive. I could have said we’d be back tonight instead of throwing it at you like I did, so I guess we should really share the blame.”

She glanced around the empty aisle and lowered her voice. “Speaking of sharing, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about before we get back to Sunnydale. I know this is an odd place to have a convo, but no time like the present and besides, it’s air conditioned.”

When the vampire lifted a scarred eyebrow, she continued. “Would you be interested in patrolling on a regular basis with me? I mean, I don’t think Giles could pay you, at least not much or even at all, but I’d really like the company, uh, your company.”

Embarrassed again, she twisted the ice cream tub. “Color this Slayer surprised, but all the close encounters time made me realize how much we have in common. I don’t mean just the fighting, but other stuff. It’s been a lot of fun hanging out with you and I’d like us to be real friends. Do you think there’s any chance of that happening?”

Hearing a slight crack in the plastic, Spike gently lifted the tub out of her hands and replied truthfully. “I’ve really enjoyed your company too, and I’d love nothin’ more than to fight along side you. As for us bein’ friends, Slayer, I think that’s already happened.” He hesitated before adding, “I know I consider you a friend now.”

Buffy rewarded him with a brilliant smile that lightened his heart. “I do too, so it’s all good then. When we get back I’ll give Giles a heads up on the new Buffy- Spike slayage partnership.”

She gathered the Grundy’s leash. “I wouldn’t want you to get a big head, ‘cause any more of that radioactive hair would not be good, but you’re the best fighter that I’ve ever seen.” Her eyes twinkled. “After me, of course.”

Spike’s lips twisted in amusement. “Slayer, I think you just threw down the gauntlet. I’m seein’ a contest in our future.”

“Oh, a demon killing contest, with a running score and everything. That sounds like fun.” She tossed her hair. “I’ll win of course.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see.” Spike shifted the ice cream. “Pet, I didn’t see you pick up anything for the Empress.”

“Oops, I was going to grab a couple bottles of cold water in the cooler. I guess I got sidetracked by all the Ben and Jerry goodness.”

“You take the beastie outside and I’ll pick up her water and pay for the ice cream. I’ve still got change from the pizza earlier.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you outside.”

Spike watched Buffy turn the corner with the Grundy and dropped the now dripping ice cream tub the Slayer had accidentally cracked back in the freezer as a little Mango Surprise for Assistant Manager Herbert D. Callahan.

After grabbing the second tub, Spike picked up cold water in another aisle, along with a couple other items including some smokes and ran the checkout gauntlet. Paying for his purchases, he noticed the man glaring at him from the safety of the office. Smirking, Spike gave him a two fingered salute on the way to the door.

It was unbelievable how quickly the hellacious drive had turned around. With the surprising revelations inside the store, it now ranked as one of the top ten drives of his undead life, possibly even number one.

Spike could see in his mind’s eye the two of them fighting side by side. What a fine pair they’d make with swords or stakes in hand; killing anything nasty that showed its face around the Hellmouth. Then sometimes after patrol, hanging out watching a movie together or playing cards or maybe just sitting around talking. His nights stretched out before him, suddenly full of endless possibilities.

The Slayer waited next to the Desoto under the large trees in the darkly shaded parking lot with the car doors wide open. Empress stood next to her, panting. Buffy spied the vampire walking beneath the thick canopy. “Oh, Empress, look what Spike bought for us.”

Along with bottles of water and ice cream, the vampire carried a bag of ice, a two liter bottle of Pepsi and an enormous chew bone.

Climbing back into the Desoto, Buffy’s mood lifted higher. I’m glad I gave him the benefit of the doubt after all.

The Slayer imagined them fighting in the graveyards and knew it would work out. Trying to balance everything in her complicated life had become too much and Buffy knew she was often impatient with her family and friends and had started taking more risks than was prudent during her patrols.

Giles, becoming concerned, had mentioned more than once that they needed to find some help for her since the Hellmouth had begun to act up recently, drawing demons from far and wide. Up until now, Buffy wouldn’t have given a second thought to asking Spike, but he was really the perfect answer. Strong and able to take care of himself, he relished a fight as much as she did. The vampire would lessen some of the pressure and make patrolling fun again. Then later, they could just hang out and relax. Buffy found herself excited at the prospect.

Buffy watched the vampire’s muscles flex as he easily balanced his purchases and carefully navigated the trip back to the car. Looking down at the Grundy, she said “I guess we need to give the guy a break and not bitch anymore, huh?”

The Grundy looked up at her and crooned and Buffy thought she saw her wink. Must be a trick of the light.

The Grundy is considered a member of the Fast Growth domestic demon category. Various milestones can be charted at a pace much faster than most other varieties of domestic demons. The immature Grundy will reach its target weight and height within five weeks of birth. It is born with several abilities including enhanced vision and hearing. Other abilities, such as empathy and language comprehension manifest as early as three weeks after birth. All other abilities, including those unique to the Grundy will have manifested fully by completion of the sixth week.
- The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy



Perched wearily on the tope of a crate, Giles mopped his face with a handkerchief and surveyed the basement. Xander had offered to drive Willow to pick up ingredients not available within their own stock and then bring her back to the shop, so it had fallen to Giles and Anya to clear enough space to house everyone and still draw a fairly large circle. Glancing at his watch Giles realized it had taken them nearly two hours. He’d never realized before how much stock was actually stored in the basement, at least until he’d moved almost all of it.

“Anya, I’m going back upstairs to watch for everyone.”

“Go ahead. While we’re waiting I’m going to do an inventory.”

Giles nodded and trudged tiredly up the stairs. Walking in from the back, he stopped.

Six men dressed in black and several demons stood in the center of the shop. The demon in front, wearing a very shiny suit, spoke to him. “I hope you don’t mind, we let ourselves in.” He smiled, displaying a full set of serrated teeth.

Bloody hell. “I’m sorry but we’re not open at the moment.” Giles stood up straight.

One of the men moved forward. Giles watched the demon in the suit move, allowing him to pass. He studied the man striding toward him. Obviously the leader, he was tall, with dark hair and a military bearing. The dark eyes that looked him over in turn reflected both intelligence and cunning.

“You are the proprietor of this shop?”

“I am.”

The man held out his hand. “I am Captain Tarn.”

Giles crossed his arms. “Rupert Giles.”

The man dropped his arm. “Mr. Giles, I am looking for a particular piece of property which I believe you have in your possession.”

Giles kept his face expressionless. “What type of property?”

“It is a Talisman of importance only to us. I believe it was included with a beast which was delivered to you.”

Giles shook his head. “Sorry. I haven’t seen anything like that, nor any type of animal either.”

The Captain’s eyes narrowed. “And yet I understood that it was in your possession.”

“Your information is incorrect.”

The demon in the suit moved forward. “Perhaps we should check for ourselves.”

Giles thought of Anya still in the basement. Stay quiet Anya. Stay safe. He cleared his throat. “You can search if you choose, but I can assure you that it will be in vain.”

Shiny suit started to say something but Captain Tarn raised a hand to silence him. “Two of Mr. Giles’ companions left earlier which means one is still here somewhere.” He turned to the demon. “Find her. Perhaps she can be more readily persuaded to give us the information we seek.”

The demon nodded to two of his men. “You heard him. Go.”

“There is no one here but me.”

“Save your breath, Mr. Giles. We may be mere soldiers, but I assure you we can count.”

Biting her lip Anya crept away from the basement door. Damn.

She’d been about to open it when she’d heard an unknown man’s voice. Leaning her ear against the thin door, she’d heard the entire conversation, right up to the part where they were going to search for Giles’ companion.

Slipping down the stairs as quietly as possible, she looked around. Realizing there was no place to hide in the small basement, she quietly opened the sewer access. Sliding through, she closed it just as the doorknob rattled. Grimacing at the smell that assaulted her nose, Anya ran as fast as she could down the tunnel.

****

“Xander, slow up.”

“What’s the matter?” He tapped the brake pedal. “Did you forget something?”

Willow shook her head. “Just in case those guys are still hanging around, drive by the front of the Magic Box slowly, but don’t stop. I want to see what’s going on.”

“Okay.” Coasting by the front of the shop, Xander took a long look. “Uh oh. Do you see it?”

“The front window is cracked and the door doesn’t look closed right either.”

Xander stepped on the gas and the truck picked up speed. “Somebody must have broken in the shop after we left. It’s probably those same guys; they’re not out front anymore.” His heart started to hammer. Anya. “What are we going to do Will?”

The red head thought for a moment. “Head for Restfield, we’ll try to catch Buffy and Spike when they drop the car off at the crypt.”

“If they aren’t there, I can grab one of Spike’s weapons and head back over there.” And save Anya.

Willow knew what he was thinking. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. Anya’s tough. Besides, Giles will protect her.”

“Yeah, that’s true, Giles will protect her.” Xander glanced over at his passenger. “Uh, Willow?”

“What is it Xander?”

“Who’s going to protect Giles?”

“Maybe you’d better drive faster.”

****

Giles heard the demons report to their boss that they had found no one within either the basement or the training room and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. Anya had either hidden well enough to avoid detection, which was unlikely, or she’d gone out into the sewer system. Unfamiliar with the shop’s layout, the demons had overlooked the small unobtrusive exit. Either way Giles could stop worrying about her. Anya was safe.

Having reached this conclusion, he happened to glance out the large front window just in time to watch Xander’s car cruise slowly past the front of the shop.

When Xander didn’t stop, Giles knew they had noticed something awry and would most certainly try to mount a rescue, hopefully waiting until Buffy and Spike arrived to assist. He just had to sit tight and hope no one inside became too impatient. Perhaps he could get the leader talking and somehow keep him focused on the task at hand without making him too agitated. Giles had to keep them in the shop for as long as possible, he knew that if they moved to another location and took him along, Buffy would have no way to find him.

Giles turned to the Captain and cleared his throat. When the soldier turned to look at him, he apologized, “I’m sorry, I tried to tell you that no one else is here but me.” He paused before continuing. “Perhaps if you were to describe this Talisman, I could figure out where my partner may have placed it. That is, if we have it at all.” He tried to appear confused. “She’s always rearranging things. It makes it that much harder to remember where anything is located in here.”

The Captain’s lip curled. “I’m not a fool Mr. Giles, obviously your shop has another exit.” He sat down in one of the chairs at the table and folded his hands calmly. “Now, why don’t you tell me where you’ve taken the beast? I’m certain the old woman placed the Talisman with it and then gave it to you. Since it is nowhere that we have searched, including this shop, I know that you’ve left it with someone of which we are unaware. I need to know who that someone is and where they can be found.” He leaned forward in the chair. “If you’re still having trouble remembering, I’m sure my partner would be willing to help improve your memory one way or another.”

The soldier snapped his fingers and the demon wearing the shiny suit moved to his side and smiled at Giles, displaying two rows of sharp white teeth.

The Grundy has several advanced abilities which are beyond the scope of this publication. For further information, we suggest reading our companion book Harnessing the Amazing Abilities of Your Grundy as soon as possible.
-The Complete Manual of Domestic Demon Care
2001 Edition
Chapter 3- The Grundy


“Slayer, we’re here.” Spike killed the engine while Buffy leisurely stretched. The second portion of the drive back to Sunnydale had been a vast improvement, hovering at a solid 8 on the Buffy Meter of Comfort.

The Slayer had rubbed ice across her skin each time the temperature inside the Desoto became intolerable, and that coupled with chilled Pepsi and the gallon tub of frosty ice cream she and Spike had shared, kept her from being miserable. She’d even felt comfortable enough to joke around with Spike, who had also been in a much better mood.

The vampire hadn’t growled or gnashed his teeth even once; instead he’d eaten a huge amount of the ice cream and made the pronouncement that he’d never tasted any flavor as delicious as Mango Surprise. Every time he mentioned the ice cream’s name, he would grin. Buffy supposed it was a vamp thing, although his grin was infectious and she found herself grinning back. When they finally polished off all the ice cream, Spike turned the radio to a soft rock station and they’d spent the remainder of the drive in a companionable silence.

Even the Grundy seemed content. When she’d finished drinking all of her cold water, Buffy had taken to feeding her chunks of ice. She crunched them happily, while in between she lazily gnawed on her new bone.

Stepping out of the Desoto in a good mood, Buffy held the Grundy’s leash and walked toward the crypt while Spike carried some of their stuff. A few feet from the entrance, he spoke in a low tone. “Slayer, there are three heartbeats inside my crypt.”

“Human or demon?”

“Definitely human.”

Handing the leash to Spike, Buffy said, “I’m so over hiding from both the demons and these black beret guys.”

Striding into the crypt poised for a fight, Buffy’s mouth dropped in surprise. Xander, Willow and Anya were sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall.

“What are you guys doing here?” She peered at Anya. “Did you walk through the sewer?”

Anya smiled wearily at the Slayer. “I don’t know how you do it all the time, it’s absolute murder on shoes. The Council should pay you a shoe allowance.”

“See, that’s exactly what I think, too.”

Buffy watched Spike walk in carrying Empress and threw him a questioning look. The vampire shrugged his shoulders and set the Grundy on her feet. “Knew it was the white hats, I heard their voices.”

Turning to the trio still sitting on the floor, he raised an eyebrow. “Funny, but I don’t remember requestin’ house sitters.”

Looking around the crypt, Xander smirked. “And I wouldn’t house sit here either, if there was any other choice, like maybe the Hellmouth itself.”

Willow and Anya both frowned at him. “Xander, this is so not the time.”

“Stop it right now Xander.” Buffy’s voice rang out, making all three of her friends cringe.

“But who cares- it’s only Captain Peroxide,” Xander replied, surprised at her response.

Willow watched Buffy and Xander’s exchange, before tilting her head to inspect the tense vampire leaning against the crypt, arms crossed defensively. Head lowered, Spike ignored Xander completely as he watched the Slayer through his lashes.

Buffy, hands on her hips, looked over at Xander staring at her with a confused expression. “I care. Spike’s part of the team now and we all need to work together. I don’t want any more name calling. Ever.Got it?”

Xander looked a little bewildered. “Yeah, sure, Buffy.”

It was obvious to Willow that the blond couple had finally managed to find some common ground in the past twenty-four hours and forge a friendship. Buffy had just stood up to Xander, something she rarely did, and never over Spike. Willow watched Spike relax, nodding his thanks. Buffy flashed him a quick smile.

This is really a good thing. Buffy needs all the support she can get out on patrol. Spike can help her in ways we just can’t, maybe even saving her life some day.

Once everyone took a couple breaths and the atmosphere became a bit more relaxed, Willow caught the vampire’s eye herself. “Spike, I’m sorry for breaking in like we did, but I didn’t know how else to catch you guys before you went to the Magic Box. We were honestly afraid to stand around outside too long, in case any more demons showed up.”

Spike gave her a light smile. “S’right, Red, but why did you need to catch us here first?”

“To tell you that Giles has visitors.”

Buffy sucked in a breath. “Who? Those guys in black?”

Xander nodded. “The Johnny Cash wannabees and they brought their Hellmouth partners, too, a few really stupid, but incredibly strong demons. Anya heard them talking before she booked it down the smelly road.”

“Soldiers and demons both, huh?” Buffy glanced at Spike. “It’s probably those guys that you said would be with them.”

“Morty has never been one to give up easily when there’s dosh to be made.”

Listening to their conversation, Xander worked at wrapping his brain around Buffy and Spike working together now. He knew he’d have to learn to accept it, that much was obvious, or lose his friend. He’d just have to make more of an effort to not let the vampire get to him. Xander knew Buffy could use someone else in the field and wished it could be him, but there was only so much he could do, both in talent and time.

Sighing, he looked at the Grundy sitting next to Spike. “So that’s a Grundy. She’s actually pretty cute in a demon dog sort of way.”

Spike took the statement as the peace offering it was intended to be and replied casually. “Yeah, she’s fairly well behaved, too. We’ve been calling her Empress.”

Anya watched her boyfriend inspect the little demon curiously before reaching over and petting her on the top of the head before she turned to Buffy. “The demons and those soldiers are all looking at the Magic Box for the Talisman. Could I see it?”

“Sure.” The Slayer dug it out of the Grundy’s tote. “We think this is it.”

Anya squinted in the shadowed light. “It certainly looks like a Talisman and it is wearable.” She handed it back to Buffy. “So now what?”

Buffy wrapped the bracelet around her wrist and snapped the clasp. “Easy, peasy. We rescue Giles and then destroy the shiny.”

“I’m always up for a fight, Slayer, but what should we do with Empress?”

“I really like that name.” Willow had started petting the Grundy, too. “Bring her along. She’ll be a lot of help.”

“I hate to disagree, Red, but I’ve been around her now for awhile and the only thing she could do is run around and knock over stuff. Wait, she’s already done that bit at the shop.” Or we could just turn her into stone. He glanced over at Buffy and she met his eyes. Amused, his lips quirked when he saw the twinkle in her eyes. They’d both thought the same thing.

Spike pulled his eyes away from Buffy when Willow countered, “Oh no, she’s capable of far more than that and I’ve thought of a plan that involves her.”

“I’m open to suggestions.” Buffy replied. “What’s your plan?”

Ten minutes later when Willow finished outlining her fairly simple plan, Spike crossed his arms and said, “Well Red, you’re either brilliant or insane to try this, since we’ve seen no indication that she’s capable of doing it. But I’ll reserve judgment on which it will turn out to be. After all, it’s not like I haven’t hatched a few iffy plans back in the day. ”

The red haired witched grinned. “Just wait, you’ll see. It’s not iffy at all. She’s our secret weapon.”

Everyone watched Empress lift her head higher and Buffy thought her expression looked determined. Good, we need determined.

*****

Giles was becoming more concerned. The Captain had been elaborating for fifteen minutes solid on how necessary it was to acquire the Talisman for his leader, growing more resolute with every sentence uttered. A true zealot, the Watcher realized the soldier would stop at nothing to fulfill his objective, even if it meant killing them all.

Meanwhile the demons he’d partnered with and his own contingent of soldiers continued to tear apart the Magic Box, looking for a Talisman they’d never find. Giles grimaced as another display case was deliberately knocked over, the splintered wood and shattered glass adding to the broken merchandise littered across the floor. Anya will have a heart attack when she sees all of this.

In between two particularly loud crashes, Giles heard slight noises emanating from the basement. It sounded as if the cavalry had finally arrived. Scanning the store he realized the demons and soldiers hadn’t yet noticed that a few of the sounds were actually being made from beneath their feet.

Quickly shifting back to the Captain, Giles knew immediately that Tarn had realized. Eyes intent on the basement door, he yelled a warning to his men as the door burst open. Buffy and Spike strode into the room brandishing their swords, quickly engaging the demons closest to the basement door.

At almost the same instant, the front door of the Magic Box flew open and Xander, Willow and Anya rushed in with the chained Grundy in front of them.

The Captain moved to the center of the room, shouting orders to stop the trio. His men rushed forward, pulling knives from belts on their black uniforms.

Giles used the confusion as cover to reach over and grab a hefty piece of wood from one of the broken display cases that had fallen next to the table. The Lieutenant, standing closer to the table than any of the other soldiers, noticed and pulled out a knife, moving forward to engage the Watcher.

They were circling each other warily when the soldier was suddenly struck on the arm by a fist sized fireball that had dropped from above him. His sleeve was quickly enveloped in flames. The lieutenant abandoned the fight, dropping his knife to pat frantically at the burning material with his free hand. The Watcher took the opportunity presented and struck him hard on the side of the head. The soldier’s eyes rolled up and he dropped heavily to the floor. Giles quickly smothered the flames.

After putting out the fire, he surveyed the room, looking for the source of the fireballs. Willow stood atop a fallen book case, partially protected by another, with the Grundy beside her.

Giles watched as Willow said something in the Grundy’s ear and pointed toward a soldier trying to slice Anya with his knife. Anya tripped over some debris trying to get away while the Grundy- the Grundy?- puffed up, eyes intent upon her target.

She snorted and a small fireball flew from her nose, landing directly in front of the target soldier’s feet, impeding his forward momentum and affording Anya the chance to get to her own feet and run the other way. Another fireball landed on a boot. He dove behind the counter with Xander in pursuit.

Another fireball flew toward a third soldier, hitting him in the shoulder. He quickly put out the flames, but not fast enough to keep Giles from knocking him out, too. He joined the other unconscious soldier sprawled on the floor.

Buffy moved closer to a really ugly demon in a shiny suit and thrust her sword toward him. “How did you get in here anyway? Someone make a mistake and leave your cage open?”

“I don’t want any trouble.” Morty quickly backed up. Everything had gone to hell. Looking around, he saw one of his men cut down with a broad sword wielded by Spike. I should have got rid of that damn vampire while I had the chance. He frantically searched for an escape from the Slayer while trying to stay out of the path of the crazy fire shooting demon.

The Slayer continued to advance until she stood right in front of him. “It’s too late, trouble wants you.” She cocked her head. “You know, that’s got to be the most hideous suit I’ve ever seen. I believe you definitely need to rethink your tailor. That color hasn’t been in style since, well, never.”

Aiming for the demon’s leg, Buffy swung her sword, but it bounced off the suit. The demon growled, grabbing the sword in an attempt to pull it away.

“Sorry, you need to buy your own. This one’s mine.” The Slayer wrenched the sword from Morty’s grasp and swung in a wide arc, forcing the sword through the material. Morty gasped loudly as thick green blood drenched the floor.

Buffy narrowed her eyes.“That stupid green blood better be easy to clean or Anya will be really upset and I’m so not taking the blame for this.”

The demon collapsed to his knees in agony and the Slayer aimed the sword toward the middle of his chest. It glanced off the suit coat. Exasperated, Buffy put all her Slayer strength into another thrust, breaking through the suit coat and driving the sword deep into the demon’s chest. Eyes glassy, he fell to the floor.

Disgusted, Buffy watched the green blood dribble from the demon’s mouth, joining the pool forming beneath his body. Walking away, she muttered, “So not taking the blame for this.”

She looked around for another demon, but Spike had already dispatched the rest of Morty’s men. Amused, he was lounging next to the last upright glass case, out of the line of literal fire, watching the Grundy.

Spike caught Buffy’s look and smirked, holding up three fingers.

The Slayer feigned indifference, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder.

He grinned.

Willow, using the Grundy, had forced the last three soldiers still conscious into a tight circle. Xander confiscated their weapons while Anya and Giles tied up the sullen men.

Buffy gave Willow and Empress a smile as Spike called over to the witch climbing down from the bookcase. “Turns out it was on the brilliant side, Red.” Looking at the furry demon, he added, “Bloody great job, Empress.” The Grundy enthusiastically wagged her tail and Spike thought he saw a smile.

Giles faced the Captain, still standing apart from his men. “Drop your weapon, Captain Tarn. It’s too late, you can’t win now.”

Wearily, the soldier nodded and dropped his knife. Raising both hands in surrender, he walked over and stood with his men.

Striding over to the group of confined soldiers, the Slayer issued orders. “Everyone needs to sit down until I can figure out what to do with you.” She waited while they complied. Once they were all sitting down, she held up her wrist and the onyx bracelet sparkled.

“Just so you know, we’ll be destroying this Talisman, so no one else can steal it.”

The Captain frowned at the young woman with her wrist in the air. “That’s not the Talisman.”

“What? Sure it is.” Confused, Buffy lowered her wrist. “It came with the Grundy and everything.”

Tarn laughed mirthlessly. “If you believe that to be the Talisman, then you are very much mistaken. The old woman must have done something else with it after all. We have followed the wrong path; you were nothing but a ruse. However the time is up and our cause has truly been lost.”

Giles stared at him in amazement. “We had no description, yet we were certain this had to be it. Will you describe the real Talisman?”

“Why not? It doesn’t matter any longer. It is a small golden pendant, hollow on the inside, with a prayer inscribed on the front.”

“I’ve never seen anything like that. We really don’t have it.”

Looking around at the surprised faces of the Scoobies, Spike stifled a chuckle. Trust the Watchers to bollocks up even this.

*****

Three hours later, sitting around the table amid the ruins of the Magic Box, Buffy slumped in her seat. “I still can’t believe it.” She looked down at the delicate bracelet still hooked around her wrist. “It was a decoy all along.”

Giles hung up the phone. “That was Quentin. Several Watchers arrived by private jet an hour ago. Worried about the spy and the safety of the Talisman, he secretly sent them here much sooner then he’d originally planned. He wouldn’t speak with me because he knew I’d attempt to discuss the Grundy and he’d already discovered the phones were being tapped.

The Watchers bailed the soldiers out of jail, and they’ll take them back to England where they’ll be dealt with by the Council.”

Joining the others seated at the table, he looked over at Spike. “That was a brilliant idea to lock them up in the Sunnydale Jail for safekeeping. Breaking and entering and destruction of property was an easy sell.”

Xander chuckled. “Gotta love Sunnydale. The cops were thrilled it was only breaking and entering. Of course they get that all the time, but it’s usually served with a side of chomped citizens.”

Surveying the wreckage, Giles mused, “It’s so odd though, even with everything torn apart, my car keys never showed up.”

Anya stared at her partner sitting there looking glum over a set of lost car keys. “I can’t believe you’re worried about keys with all of this mess to deal with now. I just know the Council won’t pay for all of this, even if it is their fault.”

He shrugged. “It’s the little things that can be most worrisome.”

Spike lit a cigarette with the matches he’d picked up the previous night. “I know what you mean about the little things. I lost a lighter yesterday that I’ve had since 1954.”

Willow shifted to look at both men. “You’ve noticed some important things missing recently, huh?” When they both nodded, she smiled and turned to the Grundy lying next to Spike. Patting her head, she caught the Grundy’s eye. “Even though you’re so young, you’ve still been trying to do your job, haven’t you? Okay Empress, your work is over. Reveal.”

Everyone watched the Grundy hop to her feet. Slowly she unhinged her jaw, making her mouth twice as large.

Xander made a face. “That’s just wrong in so many ways.”

Wagging her tail, Empress lowered her head. Suddenly Giles’ keys hit the floor, followed by Spike’s lighter, the television remote from the Gran Torino, a pillar candle, two wooden Goddesses and Buffy’s missing knife. The last thing to hit the floor was a small golden pendant.

Slowly the Grundy rehinged her jaw. Looking up, she wagged her tail again; unaware of the sensation she’d created. Or maybe she did know. Anya swore later she caught a happy smile cross Empress’ face.

“Bloody hell!”

“Oh my Goodness.” Giles stared at the things on the floor.

Buffy looked from the floor to the young demon. “I don’t get it. That’s the little knife I lost in Spike’s crypt. It was inside the Grundy? All this time? Along with all that other stuff?”

Willow grinned at the surprised expressions. “That’s the main thing rich demons use these guys for. They’re portable bank vaults. You see, besides the unhinging jaw, a Grundy has two stomachs. The small one is for normal eating type stuff and the second, stretchy one is lined with some sort of hardened material, sort of like concrete. It’s impervious to any damage from items placed within it.”

Spike glanced at the Slayer and she shook her head imperceptivity. Shrugging he went back to listening to Red’s explanation.

“I didn’t have time to read the entire second book recommended on the website, so I don’t know exactly how it works, but besides being sweet, adorable and scary smart, a Grundy is fiercely protective of its family and by extension, their possessions.

They have the ability to shoot those little fireballs along with wicked teeth and nails. Factor in the enhanced hearing and night vision and you’ve got an incredible guard dog. They’ll store your valuables and guard them all at the same time. Personally I think that’s awesome.”

“Sometimes someone can have way too much money,” Buffy muttered, watching the Grundy trot happily back to Spike. She’s so pleased with herself. The Slayer suddenly found herself giggling. Only on the Hellmouth.

Anya pondered the implications. “No wonder all those rich demons carry them around, they’re like a wallet with snapping teeth. No one in their right mind would try a purse snatching either. You know that just makes them even more marketable.”

Spike dropped his lighter in the duster’s front pocket and looked down at the Grundy lying back across his feet again. “So you were savin’ things for us that we considered important.”

I’m not daft. There really was a remote. Suddenly feeling extremely relieved, he cheerfully scratched the Grundy’s ears. “What a good girl.”

The Watcher reached for his keys. “Extraordinary. The breeder knew about the demon’s ability, so she gave the Talisman to the Grundy and had her protect it while using the bracelet to throw everyone off the track.”

Willow nodded in agreement. “But it triggered her desire to protect valuables. She hasn’t been trained completely, so Empress starting choosing for herself what stuff needed to be protected by watching you guys. The things you valued, she tried to take care of for you.”

Giles smiled at the little demon. Turning back to the Scoobies, he harked back to the earlier conversation. “Quentin mentioned on the phone that they now know who was spying on the Council. Tarn told them in exchange for a lighter sentence for his men. It turned out to be the ambassador; he’d secretly aligned himself with their faction. The Talisman was needed for Tarn’s side to use during the succession. Their leader required it as divine proof he should hold both thrones. The succession was completed several hours ago, so the Talisman is no longer of value. We don’t need to destroy it any longer.”

“So what should I do with the bracelet?”

“Buffy, I have no earthly idea. The Council has no interest in it, having had no contact with the breeder. I would suggest you keep it, otherwise donate it to charity.”

“I’ll keep it for now, until I decide.”

“This entire situation has brought up another interesting problem. Obviously the Council can’t give the ambassador the Grundy and the men sent to take her to England have already left with the soldiers. The Council has requested that we continue to keep her for a bit longer.”

Giles watched the Grundy stare adoringly into Spike’s face while he gently scratched her ears. “Spike, Buffy mentioned that you’ve agreed to go out on patrol with her.”

Spike stiffened. “The Slayer asked me and I agreed, is that a problem?”

“No, not at all. I know you’ve been going out already on your own occasionally. In fact, I’m very happy that she’ll finally have some stronger backup. We all try, but lately Buffy’s been doing it alone far too much to make me comfortable, especially with so many new demons moving to the Hellmouth. I believe you’ll be an enormous help and I’d like to thank you for taking on the task.”

He watched as the vampire relaxed, slumping down in the chair again. “Actually, I was wondering if you’d consider something else that would help us out. Would you be interested in taking care of the Grundy for awhile longer? The Council will pay her expenses and a bit to you as her caretaker.”

Spike’s eyes lit up even though he tried to appear nonchalant. “I guess I could keep her. We’re used to each other now.” Spike lifted the young demon’s head and stared into her eyes, murmuring, “I’ll do it as long as she doesn’t nick anythin’ else from my crypt without permission.”

The Grundy looked at him and crooned. Everyone saw her wink.

“Good. I’m happy to have that settled.”

Willow was excited. “Oh, I could pick up that other book and finish her training. It really should be completed within the next couple of weeks.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I doubt they would choose to remove her that quickly.”

Buffy watched the vampire smile lovingly at the small demon and inspiration struck. She turned to her Watcher. “Giles, why can’t we keep the Grundy permanently? You saw what an asset she was during the fight. Spike could keep her; she really behaves well for him.”

“I don’t know Buffy. If she were to stay here the Council would not provide any more funds for her upkeep. It would fall to us.”

Anya looked up sharply. Men. “Giles, you do realize that this is the only living female Grundy left in Sunnydale. She’s worth a small fortune. Why, when she’s older, the breeding fees alone will take care of her upkeep.”

The Watcher knew he faced a united front and besides, they had fairly valid points. “Actually, this might be the answer to a dilemma. Personally, I believe the Council is embarrassed at this point; they have no earthly idea what to do with the Grundy. I’m sure they’d jump at the chance to be rid of it permanently.”

Buffy pointed at the phone. “Then it’s settled. Call Travers back and tell them that we’re keeping Empress.” She smiled down at the little demon who had been listening avidly, her eyes bouncing from one person to another, tail wagging furiously. She obviously wanted to stay.

The Slayer picked up her sword. “I’m getting out of here before you break out the brooms and dust pans. It’s getting late and I need to patrol.”

“You mean it’s time for us to patrol, don’t you Slayer?”

She smiled at the blond vamp rising to his feet. “Yeah, I do. We’ll drop Empress off and then head out.”

”Spike, could I walk Empress back to your crypt? I’d really like the chance to spend some time with her. I could watch her until you guys return.”

“S’alright with me, Red, it’s still early enough to be safe, especially with her beside you.
You can let me know when you want to start the trainin’.”

The red haired witch brightened. “I’ll pick up the book tomorrow and start looking it over. I can let you know after that.” She started for the door with the Grundy in tow. “We’ll see you guys later tonight.”

Spike picked up his own sword and turned to the blonde. “Slayer, why don’t we start our patrol with the closed junkyard by the auto parts store? I heard through the grapevine that there’s a demon clan that just blew into town setting up shop in there.”

“That’s a good idea. I haven’t had time to patrol over that way in at least a couple weeks.” Buffy examined her small knife critically. “You know, I really should have been more curious about where this went.”

“We had to leave quickly and you knew it was in the crypt somewhere.” Spike smirked at the blonde. “Besides, Slayer, too much curiosity isn’t always a good thing. It did in the bloody cat, you know.”

“Nah, you’re wrong there, Spike. Everyone knows curiosity was framed,” Buffy quipped, her eyes twinkling at the vamp. “Stupidity killed the cat. Probably a plan gone wrong and that’s something I bet you understand completely.”

Chuckling, he countered, “Maybe so, although now that I think about it, if you’d had your knife, you might’ve killed more than just the one demon and not had to leave all three of the others for me.”

He grinned at the Slayer mock brandishing the knife toward him. “The count’s three to one.”

“Now wait just a minute there, bucko, I had to actually saw through that ugly suit and even with a sword, that takes time.” Buffy put her hands on her hips while trying to stifle a matching grin.

“Bucko?” Spike raised an eyebrow at the laughing blonde. “I dunno about that Slayer. Vinny was wearin’ a right ugly jacket and I cut through that, along with Vinny, like I was cuttin’ through butter and I still had enough time to finish off the other two.”

He waved three fingers in the air and intoned, “And the count shall be three.”

Buffy ignored both the waving fingers and the Monty Python quote. “Huh. Your sword couldn’t have made a dent in that suit any faster; the shiny part was some sort of cheap Kevlar. Besides, the jacket wasn’t nearly as ugly as the suit, except for that whole elbow patches thing. Why would a demon wear a corduroy jacket with leather elbow patches anyway?”

“Vinny was an idiot. Maybe he thought the elbow patches made him look smarter, like some poncy literature professor.” Spike waited at the door for her. “The sequel to last night’s movie is on late tonight. Would you like to come over after patrol and watch it?”

“That sounds like fun. You know, I bet Willow would like that one, too. We can ask her when we get back to your crypt. But we’ll need more snacks. I ate all the Cheetos last night.”

The Slayer walked over to stand beside Spike at the door. “I think there should be a special rule for armor.”

“You polished off all the peanuts, too.” Spike held the door for her. “I’ll concede a half point for the armor.”

“The peanuts were stale and I want a whole point.”

Still arguing good naturedly, they let the door close with a bang.

Xander stared after the blonde couple until the door closed completely. Running a hand through his hair he turned to see his girlfriend smiling after them. “Okay, let’s just summarize what’s been happening this weekend because I’m confused and having a seriously hard time understanding all this. It looks to me like Spike picked up a job working side by side with Buffy, who by the way, he is getting along with really well. He was given a genuinely awesome pet and now even has a real social life.”

Anya nodded. “That about sums it up, although you forgot to mention that Buffy acquired a very ugly tote and an expensive antique bracelet, both for free.”

She shrugged delicately at her boyfriend. “You know, it’s not like we didn’t all see their partnership coming. I mean, it was bound to happen once they spent some time alone, they are very compatible. I’m sure they’ll be spending lots of time together from now on and we all know where that will lead. I give it a month before they’re a real couple.”

Ignoring the faint ‘dear lord’ that floated from somewhere behind her left ear, Anya chuckled. She knew if she turned around, Giles would have a dazed expression on his face while polishing his glasses.

Men. They just don’t see anything until it smacks them broadside across the head. Women are so much more perceptive about things.

Shaking her head at her boyfriend’s similarly dazed expression, she took him by the arm and tugged gently, leading him toward the door. “Come on Xander, let’s go home. Hopefully you haven’t lost your own job, although I think you’ve definitely lost your friends to Spike and his adorable Grundy.”

The End