Night had fallen and she felt a pull inside her, beckoning her out into the streets to fulfil her destiny. It had grown stronger lately, until she felt an almost physical ache when she was inside after sunset. She surmised that part of its growing power was the urge for distraction, to take her thoughts away from the night itself – and the people who thrived in it. Or, rather, one person. One vampire.

She had managed thus far to stay away from Spike, to keep to her self-made promise to turn her life around. That wasn’t to say she was never tempted though: in fact, temptation gnawed at her constantly, and even more so when the sun set. Her body knew from long practice that night-time was a time of pleasure and it wasn’t easy to shut that off. So she forced herself mindlessly through her duty, her everyday life, and tried to convince herself that she needed to move on – just as she had told Spike.

The theory seemed so much easier than the practice here though: much as she didn’t like to admit it, she still craved Spike. And the thought of him actually taking her words to heart – as if that would ever happen – hurt more than she liked to admit. The thought of him giving all of that devotion, that passion, to someone else made her chest tight – even though that was exactly what she had told him to do. Hypocrisy was a small price to pay for a chance to make things right with herself though.



The night continued to call to her as she sat in her living room with the others, waiting for Willow to crack the nerds’ codes and reveal the hidden cameras. She shuddered as she wondered just how many there were, where they were. The things they could have caught on camera. She shook her head, dismissing the thought, and forced herself through a few more minutes of silence – the only sound in the room the light tap of Willow’s fingers over the keyboard.

It only took a few minutes for her threadbare patience to wear out though and she jumped to her feet, startling the others in the room.

“I have to patrol,” she announced, “You know, I might find something.”

“I’m almost there,” Willow said with a sheepish smile.

“Oh, I’m sure you are. But you can call me, right? I really should get going.”

She was already pulling on her jacket as she spoke and her friends soon saw that argument was futile and let her be.

“Be good, Dawn,” she told her sister and Dawn rolled her eyes in answer, settling back on her chair, eyes fixed on Willow.

“I’ll see you guys later.”

“Be careful,” Xander said, quieter than ever since his aborted wedding.

For a moment, she watched her friend with an aching heart but then she forced herself out of her daze.

“Bye,” she got out and turned on her heel, making her way to the door and then out into the dark street.



She wandered aimlessly through the streets, letting the darkness surround her and quell that vague ache inside. So far, she had seen nothing in the way of demon activity but then, this was Sunnydale and Sunnydale never disappointed. She moved on through the dark streets, headed for the centre of town. She soon reached the main street but as yet there had been no sign of demons and she was starting to grow edgy.

She was just crossing the street, headed for an alleyway and a shortcut to the more eventful side of town, when she spotted lights on in the Magic Box and she paused. It had to be Anya and her heart went out to the jilted girl. Some kindly impulse turned her in the direction of the shop, if only to check that the ex-demon was okay.

It pained her that she was one of several trapped between Xander and Anya, not knowing what side to take, hurting for them both - but she couldn’t help thinking that it must be harder for Anya, who had no other friends (human ones anyway) but those associated with the man who had left her at the altar. Nodding, she headed for the shop, determined to spend some time with the heartbroken woman – after all, they had something in common.



She reached the door but paused when movement through the window caught her eye. She pressed her face close to the glass, just able to make out the two forms through the window. Spike and Anya sat close together at the table, sharing a bottle of whiskey. She couldn’t see Spike properly as his back was to her but Anya’s face was a picture of agony and she felt her heart go out to her – to both of them.

The whiskey bottle, seemingly empty, was discarded and the two seemed to sag even more. She couldn’t help watching them, hoping that they were deriving some comfort at least from each other’s company. They had both been outsiders in her friends’ tight-knit group and she was glad to see that they had someone to share their pain with. Although, if Spike had told Anya anything about their relationship, she was going to hurt him.

She paused now, uncertain whether to go in or not, wary of intruding on pain that she shared but was too afraid to show – in front of one of the two especially. She continued to watch and her eyes narrowed as Spike reached out to brush a hand over Anya’s hair in that way she had always secretly loved. Comfort was one thing, but touching was another thing altogether and she hated the green-eyed monster inside vying for attention. If that was enough to get her riled up with jealousy, the next few seconds sent every emotion into turmoil: she could only watch on in shock as vampire and ex-demon shared a kiss.



Somehow, her feet made the decision her mind was slow to and forced her through the door and into the shop, startling the two. She could say nothing but stared at them, her eyes fixing with blank emotion on the vampire’s shamed face.

“I should go,” Anya murmured quietly and gathered up her things, giving the vampire a sad smile before turning to her with a pained, embarrassed expression and quickly leaving the shop. She was barely conscious of what had happened and it took a few minutes before her mind could catch up and react .

“Taking my advice then?” she got out, crossing her arms across her chest – her first reaction anger, “I didn’t realise you’d be moving onto the first female-shaped-person you could find though.”

He said nothing in reply, just gave her that pained look from under his eyelashes – and she hated him in that instant.

“Really?!” she spat out, “My friend?! What were you thinking?”

Typically, he could not resist her anger for long and he erupted in reply.

“I wasn’t bloody thinking!” he snapped, getting abruptly to his feet, “I was hurting and I was drinking.”

“And then you decided it was a really good idea to play tonsil tennis with my best friend’s girlfriend?”

“Ex-girlfriend.”

She was too angry to respond and just glared at him as he glared back and then tilted his head, snarling at her.

“What’s the matter, Slayer? Jealous?”

“You wish,” she bit out.



They continued to glare at each other in silence and, bit by bit, she felt her anger dissolving into something like hurt. She would not let it be seen though and only lashed out at him more.

“And you say you love me,” she bit out with a snort of laughter, “Yeah, really feels like it right now.”

He stepped forward angrily, eyes dark with emotion.

“You never wanted my love,” he practically growled, “All you did was throw it in my face.”

“Well, I was right, wasn’t I? If this is what loving me means.”

He growled lowly and turned away from her, seemingly exasperated. Her anger was not so easy to dissipate though – she feared that if she let it go, all she would feel was the sting of betrayal.

“Well, I hope you’re very happy together,” she bit out and he turned to face her, jaw clenched, anger etched across his face but carefully restrained.

“I don’t know what your problem is, Slayer,” he got out, his voice as cold as it had been back when they had been enemies, “But you’re the one who walked out… you’re the one who told me to move on because what I was feeling wasn’t real.”

“It’s not real, Spike,” she retorted, “How could it ever be real?”

He took a challenging step forward, almost daring her to continue.

“You’re a monster… you can’t feel.”

“What about you?” he snarled, “You’re not exactly all heart, are you, Slayer? Heartless bitch, more like.”



They stared each other down for a long moment, her fists tightly clenched, a voice in her head screaming at her to hit him.

“I may be heartless, but at least I’m not pathetic,” she got out – and regretted her harsh words a second later. His face went taut with anger and she saw his eyes flash golden.

“No, you’re just a cruel, desperate little girl,” he ground out, “Still pining after some stupid idea of normal… when she’s not pining after her precious Angel.”

His words pushed her over the edge – even though she had crossed the line first – and before she knew what she was doing, she lashed out at him, punching him square across the jaw and sending him stumbling backwards. He righted himself and wiped a hand over his bloody mouth, before fixing eyes full of anger – and hurt – on her. He dashed forward and before she could react, he had tackled her, sending her crashing into the table and toppling both of them to the floor.

They scrambled around, both trying to gain the advantage, until finally she was able to get enough leverage to send him flying into a nearby set of shelves, sending objects crashing around him. She jumped to her feet and squared up, before launching herself at him again, caught up in her pain.

Across town, the group were growing ever more bored of the endless search for a way into the nerds’ cameras. Willow was engrossed in her task, eyes never leaving the screen for a moment, but the others were much less enlivened. Xander and Dawn sat slumped on their chairs, staring mindlessly at the ceiling. Every now and again, you would hear the tapping of a foot on the floor or a hand on the table – but Willow would look up sharply and the guilty party would stop and resume their weary wait.

Buffy had deserted them what seemed like ages ago and those left behind began to envy her swift escape. Dawn, growing impatient, got to her feet – and just as she did, Willow gave a small cry of triumph. Dawn and Xander exchanged a quick look and then they both rushed to Willow’s side, gazes fixed eagerly on the screen.

“Well?” Dawn asked.

“I’m into the system. There’s a bit more security to get through before I can see the cameras… but I’m getting somewhere.”

As one, Dawn and Xander let out a sigh of disappointment and trudged back to their chairs, earning them a sheepish look from the witch.

“I’m really almost there,” she reassured them and they nodded tiredly.



Long minutes later, Willow made another excited sound that drew their attention and when she quickly looked up at them, they both jumped to their feet again and rushed around to her end of the table.

“I’m in. Look, it’s the lounge.”

As she spoke, windows kept popping up, revealing images to them of places regularly visited by Buffy. Dawn couldn’t help but give a shiver when she realised just how well they had spied on her sister’s every move. They had cameras everywhere.

“Hey, that’s my flat!” Xander exclaimed in outrage.

“And the Doublemeat Palace,” Willow added, flicking from one window to the other.

“Is that Spike’s crypt?” Dawn asked, leaning closer to try and make out a dark graveyard scene.

“I think so,” Willow answered with a frown, “And look, the Magic Box.”

She opened the window and three pairs of eyes went wide with surprise.

“What happened to the shop?” Xander asked in shock, “It’s trashed.”

Sure enough, the table was upended and the
contents of several shelves lay on the floor, along with a number of books. The camera itself – hidden on a shelf by the look of it – was at an odd angle, as if it too had taken a hit.



A second later, a flash of black went flying past the camera lens and moments later, they made out Buffy’s figure, dragging what now turned out to be Spike to his feet. He broke out of her grip though and spun, throwing her into the ladder. She caught it, holding herself upright just enough to kick him in the chest when he reached her, sending him to the floor.

She followed him, attempting to pin him to the floor but failing and they struggled for several long moments. And back at Revello Drive, they could only watch on in complete astonishment at the fight playing out in front of them.

“They… they’re fighting,” Dawn got out, unable to tear her eyes away from the screen.

“Yeah, like, really fighting,” Xander added with a frown, “As in, yay-I-haven’t-got-a-chip fighting.”

His words were a sharp reminder of why they hadn’t seen anything like this in a long time and the both girls’ eyes went wide with horror.

“No, he… he wouldn’t,” Dawn got out helplessly, even as she watched him throw her sister into the glass counter, shattering it.

A few long seconds passed before suddenly, Xander was startled into motion and raced into the living room. Both girls followed him and paused at the door when they found him rifling through Buffy’s weapons chest.

“What are you doing?” Willow asked.

“He’s dangerous and Buffy’s in trouble. What do you think I’m doing?”

“Xander, if he’s got the chip out, he’ll kill you.”

Dawn, still struggling to process what was going on, stumbled back, shaking her head. Spike wouldn’t do that – she knew he wouldn’t. He was different now. There had to be some good reason why he was fighting her sister. She just wasn’t sure what.



She found herself standing in front of the computer again, staring at the screen as the two blondes fought, frowning as she noticed the twin looks of intense anger and something like pain.

“Guys?” she called out shakily, still not taking her eyes off the screen, something starting to become very clear as she continued to watch.

“Guys?” she called again, louder.

Still arguing, Xander and Willow answered her call and returned to the dining room, watching her worriedly.

“What is it, Dawnie?”

“Come look at this,” she said absentmindedly, tilting her head as if it would help her better understand what was happening on the screen. Xander and Willow soon joined her and studied the screen for a long moment before Xander spoke up.

“What?”

“Look at the way they’re fighting,” she said, pointing at the screen.

“Yeah I see it, Dawnie,” Xander answered with a tiny smile, “Fight to death and all that.”

“No,” she cut in, “It’s not.”

“Dawnie?” Willow asked curiously.

“Look at them. You’ve seen both of them fight…”

Xander and Willow both leaned in, watching intently, still with puzzled looks on their faces.

“…But have you ever seen them fight this lamely?”

Two pairs of eyes turned to the teenager in confusion and she glanced between them before returning her eyes to the screen.

“They’re not even really trying to get any hits in. They just seem to be throwing each other around a lot.”

“Dawnie, what are you trying to say?” Xander asked, “That they’re, I don’t know, playing nice.”

“Yeah,” she answered plainly, with a quick glance at Xander’s bewildered look, “Well, not nice… but they’re holding back. Both of them.”



There was a long silence, but then Xander moved again, shaking his head and heading for the lounge once more.

“I don’t care if they’re holding back, Buffy needs our help.”

The sound of him rifling in the weapons chest could be heard again and Willow threw Dawn a worried look before dashing after her friend. Dawn could not move from her spot though and sank into a chair, eyes fixed on the two blondes.

She frowned, watching every move – every one of which only showed her that she was right and that for some reason, this fight was not the serious disaster Xander seemed to think. She heard the sounds of Xander and Willow arguing in the background but all she could do was stare at her sister and her friend, wondering just what might have driven them to trade blows. And how on earth Spike wasn’t in agony from doing so.

“Right, I’m going,” Xander exclaimed and she heard the sound of the door, propelling her to her feet and drawing her eyes from the screen for a split second.

“Wait, Xander, come on,” Willow said, trying to stall him, “We don’t know what’s going on.”

“All I know is that Spike’s dangerous again and we need to deal with it.”

Dawn’s eyes flicked from the doorway back to the computer screen and she froze, Willow and Xander’s voices fading into the background. After a long moment, during which her voice was stolen in surprise, she spoke up.

“Guys? I think you might want to see this.”

Two heads rounded the door, matching looks of worry on their faces.

“What is it?” Willow asked worriedly, even as she and Xander rushed forward.

“Erm, they’re not fighting anymore,” Dawn murmured, even more shocked as she watched this latest twist, “They’re, erm, kissing.”

She had two handfuls of black leather and it would take only the smallest effort on her part to send him flying – but suddenly, she found she just didn’t have the energy to fight him anymore. He seemed to sense her sudden change of heart because he went deathly still and she could feel his eyes boring into the top of her head. And standing there, hands gripping his coat – holding him close – she felt a sudden wave of something that might have been longing.

She made two mistakes in the next few seconds. The first was that she suddenly softened, her grip on him loosening, all of the anger seeping from her. Her second mistake was daring to meet his eyes. When she met his bright, enquiring gaze, she could not look away, drawn to him by that same look of muted pain that he must be able to see in her eyes. A moment later – maybe longer, she didn’t know – and they were kissing.

It was as hard and as furious as their fight had been and she tightened her grip on him once more, kissing him back roughly. Her body began to sing with the first touch of his lips and she found herself leaning in closer, her body straining towards his helplessly. His hands locked around her upper arms and he tugged her close, his mouth moving over hers hungrily, possessively. And she succumbed – let herself succumb – to him.



His kiss grew gentler and she let herself relish the taste of him – so well remembered, so sorely missed. Her fingers relinquished their tight grip on the leather of his coat and she moved her hands to rest lightly on his shoulders, drawing him imperceptibly closer.

This kiss was like nothing they had ever shared before, searing right through her – but she could not stop. He shifted his hand from her arm hesitantly and cupped the back of her neck, holding her close, his fingers twined in her hair in a more intimate gesture than she would ever have allowed before, even in her more tolerant moods. And that was when she felt the change between them – or rather, the change in her. She wanted nothing more than for him to keep kissing her in this soft, gentle way – and the thought startled her so much that she jerked back, meeting his surprised look with one of his own.

His expression softened at what must have been a look of panic on her face and he reached out to brush his fingers over her cheek. That was his mistake, because the gesture instantly reminded her of what she had walked in on. She took a jerky step back and he drew his hand back slowly, bewildered as to her sudden retreat.

“You kissed Anya,” she whispered, unable to summon back her anger.

“It was a mistake,” he replied quietly.

“Did you like kissing her?”

“Buffy…”

“I mean it. Are you attracted to her?”

He tilted his head, watching her intently.

“Do you want me to be?”

“That isn’t what I asked,” she huffed and, unnerved by the way he was looking at her, she turned her back on him, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.



Silence filled the shop for several moments before she felt him move and sensed him hovering close behind.

“Buffy,” he murmured, his voice a beckoning whisper as his hands landed on either shoulder.

“It hurt,” she blurted out, the words coming easily while she did not have to face him. As soon as they were out though, she stiffened – perhaps also as a reaction to his own sudden tensing – and her eyes went wide.

“Buffy.”

Before he could say anything else, she broke out of his grasp, determined to flee and save some face – but it was not to be. Spike caught her by the arm, spinning her back round to face him, his expression serious.

“We need to talk.”

She raised wide eyes to his and struggled for a split second against his grip.

“I can’t do this.”

“We need to.”

“There is no ‘we’,” she got out weakly and he raised an eyebrow in disbelief. She stayed silent, still, waiting for him to reply, but he never did. He watched her for an unnervingly long time before he dipped his head, bringing his lips to a halt only inches from hers.

“Are you sure about that?” he whispered.

She had closed her eyes almost instinctively with his closeness and cursed herself for it now.

“Spike.”

“Tell me to leave you alone,” he murmured, his breath cool against her lips.



She could only bear it for a few seconds longer and then she found herself leaning in to press her lips to his. He let out a little sigh against her mouth and slid an arm around her waist, drawing her close. He pulled back far too soon though and just looked at her, studying the lines of her face.

“Tell me to go and I’ll go,” he murmured and she threw him a troubled look.

“I can’t.”

She wriggled free of his embrace and wrapped her arms around herself, eyes on the floor.

“Buffy, talk to me,” Spike coaxed, one hand brushing over her shoulder, and she raised her eyes to his reluctantly.

“I… I said I wouldn’t do this anymore,” she murmured, “Wouldn’t use you.”

“Is that what you’re doing?” he asked, a challenge in his voice.

“I can’t be what you want, Spike.”

“What makes you so sure?” he countered, stopping her when she went to turn away from him in exasperation, “I just want you, Buffy.”

He was giving her that intense look – the one that always guaranteed to turn her insides to mush – and she wished she could bring herself to break eye contact. It was hard enough as it was, being this close to him, the siren song of temptation working its spell over her.

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“Scared of what?” he asked quietly, brushing a hand over her hair.

“I can’t… I can’t feel this way again, Spike. I can’t. It’ll break me if…”

She trailed off helplessly, pained eyes locked on his.



He said nothing, only let out a tiny shush of comfort, his fingers trailing over her neck. When he leant forward, his breath brushing over her temple, she closed her eyes and leant into his touch.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” he murmured, his hand skimming over her arm, “You’re safe with me.”

And the scariest thing was – she believed him. He pressed one daring kiss to her neck and then his lips met hers again and she sank against him, arms twining around him as she lost herself in him.

“Someone pinch me. I think I’m having a nightmare.”

Dawn complied with Xander’s request and he let out a cry, frowning at her and then turning his frown back in the direction of the screen.

“Damn, I’m not dreaming.”

Another long silence fell over their little group, none of them able to tear their eyes away from the small screen.

“This explains a lot,” Dawn murmured, half to herself, but the others heard and sent her a look of confusion.

“Explains what?” Willow asked, eyes flicking between Dawn and the computer.

“Well, Buffy’s strange behaviour…”

“What strange behaviour?” Xander asked cluelessly – earning him an exasperated sigh from Dawn.

“Oh, I don’t know… all the moping about, maybe? And the way she’s been real quiet whenever Spike’s around.”

Xander made no sign of appearing to understand what she was talking about and the teenager looked to Willow, glad to see some sort of recognition in the redhead’s eyes.

“She has been a little out of it lately.”

Dawn gave a triumphant smile and turned her attention back to the screen, her mind whirring with thoughts.



It was like watching a soap opera, the way they were all hooked on the action – but with a jolt, she remembered that this was her sister. And that this was obviously intended to be a private moment.

“Maybe we should, err, stop watching,” she suggested, throwing a slightly guilty look between Buffy’s two oldest friends.

“No way, José!” Xander exclaimed, “What if this is all some sort of ploy?! Am I the only one that remembers the lack of chip?”

“I’m sure there’s a good reason…” Willow said uncertainly, a frown creasing her brow.

“Of course there is. Spike would never hurt Buffy.”

Xander gave Dawn a pointed look and she sighed.

“Yeah, they were fighting… but it wasn’t exactly one-sided.”

“He’s dangerous.”

“He is not!”

“You two,” Willow said quietly, interrupting them in their argument and drawing their attention back to the events playing out across town.



The pair had stopped kissing now and were looking at each other in a mixture of surprise and something else that made Xander frown and Dawn smile ever so slightly. Things seemed to have turned serious though and Buffy took a few faltering steps backwards, away from the vampire.

Dawn felt another slight twinge of guilt for continuing to watch, but it wasn’t enough to make her turn away – in fact, she was wishing right at that moment to be able to hear what they were saying.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“We…we can’t.”

“You can’t,” Spike returned pointedly, “I have no problem with this at all.”

“Fine,” she replied somewhat angrily, “It’s me. Buffy’s completely messed up as usual!”

With a groan of frustration, she turned her back on him and ran a hand through her hair, her mind whirring – even as she was desperately trying to ignore the tingling in every inch of her body after his kisses.

“Buffy,” he called softly.

“I have to go.”

“Don’t walk out on me,” he growled, catching her arm and stopping her before she could move at all, “We need to talk this through.”

She went to retort but made the mistake of meeting his gaze once more and it stalled her. There was such weariness and pain in his expression and it made her frown – and a tiny part of her hurt.

“I can’t do this now,” she got out, wriggling out of his touch, “I… I didn’t mean to… The kissing was…”

She trailed off uncertainly when she saw the angry look he was giving her and with a sigh, looked to the floor.

“Don’t say you didn’t feel what I just felt, Slayer.”

She sighed again and let out a strangled laugh as she raised her eyes to his.

“That’s just the problem though, isn’t it? I won’t say I felt what you felt.”

He frowned angrily and she continued quickly.

“I can’t. I just… I can’t tell you how I…”

She trailed off again, annoyed that she was unable to express herself.



“You have feelings for me,” he said softly, the hint of a question in his voice.

“You know I do,” she got out with a choked laugh, “And that’s what makes this so hard.”

He took a step closer, drawing her gaze to his bright one.

“Doesn’t have to be,” he murmured coaxingly, “Could be very easy… If you just let yourself go…”

She wanted to give in, to let him win this emotional battle – too exhausted to keep fighting him and her own feelings – but something held her back.

“I should go,” she whispered hesitantly.

“Don’t,” he said, catching her by the arm once more, “Please.”

The energy to fight completely abandoned her then and she sagged, avoiding his gaze so he would not see her weakness.

“Please, Spike. I need… I need time.”

His hand came to her chin and she followed his coaxing hand, meeting his bright gaze.

“What’s changed, Slayer?” he whispered, searching her eyes for his answer, “This isn’t the girl who walked out of my crypt without looking back.”

“Nothing’s changed,” she got out defensively, “I meant what I said then.”

“Really?” he challenged.

“Yes,” she said uncertainly.

“I think that needs testing.”

He leaned forward ever so slightly – and just at that moment, the door burst open.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“What’s going on?!” Dawn exclaimed, eyes going wide with worry as the two blondes turned away from each other, surprised glances on the doorway.

“Who is it?” Willow murmured, eyes fixed on the screen.

Dawn had been watching them closer than any, studying every little movement, using every thing she knew about each blonde to come to an important conclusion: they were more intimate than anyone had ever contemplated. And just when she was certain her sister had given in – probably after fighting her desire with all sorts of boring moral duty talk – something had broken the two apart and had drawn their attention towards the door.

She longed to be able to see what was going on, but had to settle for watching their faces. A moment later, Spike’s hands went to his head and he crumpled to the floor in obvious agony and after a worried look in his direction, Buffy turned angry eyes on the intruder, whoever it was.

Buffy’s look of surprise quickly turned to one of boredom.

“I really haven’t got time for this now,” she got out, crossing her arms and giving the trio of geeks a piercing glare.

“Do it!” Warren said to Jonathan and a moment later, Spike went crumpling to the floor, letting out a cry as he held his hands to his head.

She sent a worried look in his direction and then turned back to the Trio, anger burning in her gaze. Her eyes flicked to the small device in Jonathan’s hand and then back to Spike – and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that whatever it was, it was causing the chip to trigger.

“Kinda busy right now,” she remarked, feigning boredom – but watching their every little movement.

“Yeah, we saw,” Warren replied with a little smirk and the other two snickered at his words.

Her eyes narrowed and then went wide with surprise as she suddenly came to a horrible conclusion: there was a camera somewhere in the shop.

“You know, I should break you for your little stalker cameras,” she threatened, taking a step forward.

“I’d like to see you try it, Slayer,” Warren retorted and she raised an eyebrow half in amusement. She took another step forward but was halted when a nod to Jonathan had Spike crying out in pain. She glanced at him quickly and turned to the Trio again, fixing her hard gaze on Jonathan. She was glad to see him shrink a little under her gaze and she turned to Warren, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Can we get this over with? I’ve got better things to do with my time.”

When all three snickered at her words, she rolled her eyes and tried to remind herself that they were not demons, not strong enough to take the best of her.



She sent another glance in Spike’s direction – glad to see that, even though he remained on his knees, he seemed less in pain than before – and turned back to the Trio, her eyes turning deadly.

“Let’s do this.”

They shared a look and then Warren stepped forward, surprising her with his eagerness to face her. She stepped forward until she was only a few feet from him and placed her hands lightly on her hips, waiting for him to speak.

His punch threw her for a loop and she stumbled to the side, wide eyes taking in his figure, trying to understand where his sudden strength had come from. Maybe he had just got lucky - maybe she was a bit worn out from her full-out fight with Spike. Righting herself quickly, she launched herself at him and landed a punch square on his jaw. He recoiled with the blow but without any sign of pain, he turned back to her and smiled widely.

A moment later, she was on her back on the floor, wondering how the hell she had got there. She turned her head, meeting Spike’s pained – and slightly worried – look, and then flipped herself to her feet, squaring up against Warren. She heard Spike getting slowly to his feet beside her and knowing he was at her back made her square her jaw, tightening her fists into tight balls. But then Jonathan hit his device again and Spike went to the ground with a thud, the pain knocking him unconscious and leaving her feeling strangely vulnerable.



“Right then,” she murmured, turning back and focussing her attention on Warren. Before he could say anything, she took several long strides, caught him by the collar and sent him flying into a set of shelves. She sent a twisted grin in the direction of his friends – now looking slightly more worried than before – and stalked over to him, catching him before he could right himself and punching him across the nose.

He staggered back into the shelves but then smiled grimly, wiping the blood from his nose and smearing it across his face. He lashed out with a kick that sent her flying across the room and as she quickly got to her feet, her eyes went wide with surprise: something had made him extra strong.

“Oh dear,” she muttered to herself, squaring herself up for the next shot.

He launched himself at her and almost sent her flying to the floor but she was able to use his momentum against him to send him flying into another shelving unit. When a large crystal fell to the floor and smashed, she gave a slight grimace but quickly turned her attention back to the matter at hand.

A quick glance to her right showed no sign of movement from Spike – but slightly more encouragingly, no sign of backup from the other two members of the Trio: it looked like it was just her and Warren. Rolling her shoulders to loosen them and folding her hands into fists, she smiled grimly and turned to face Warren once more.



Their fight turned serious now and she threw herself into it, using every little bit of skill she possessed to find his weak spot. She had noticed early on that although he was stronger, he did not have the same sort of skill she had achieved after years of being the Slayer and she used it to her advantage – implementing speed and clever tricks to throw him off. It was working but he was still getting in too many hits for her liking.

“Go on, Warren!”

She turned to glare at Tucker’s brother and he cowered back behind Jonathan, watching the action from a safe distance. Rolling her eyes, she turned back to Warren and spun into a kick that threw him off balance.

“And here was me thinking you’d be weaker after your foreplay with Spike,” Warren sneered, lashing out with a backhand that caught across the jaw. She clenched her jaw and returned with her own heavy punch, causing him to stagger backwards.

“Oh no, that just got me warmed up so I could kick your ass,” she said sweetly, spinning and sweeping his legs out from underneath him. He fell to the floor and she followed quickly, pressing her foot to his throat. Instead of succumbing though, he just smiled, took hold of her foot and flipped her to the floor.



Deciding that any amount of playing nice just wasn’t going to work, she scrambled over to one of the half-destroyed shelves and picked up a large piece of wood, turning to face Warren with a grim smile. His eyes went wide in surprise for the briefest of moments before she flung the wood at him, catching him around the head and sending him to the floor with a thud.

She moved forward cautiously but when she had safely ascertained that he was unconscious, she righted herself and crossed her arms across her chest as she turned to give his friends an unimpressed look. The two sent each other a worried look and for a moment, she thought they might run.

“We, erm, we should go,” Jonathan mumbled, shuffling forward with Tucker’s brother – what was his name again? – close behind.

“Ya think?”

The two shuffled forwards, obviously unnerved by her, and grabbed an arm each, hauling Warren to his feet and supporting him – just about – between them.

“And don’t come back,” she warned as they made their way to the door as quickly as they could, “Or you’re all getting that treatment.”

Eyes went wide and their pace picked up a tiny bit more until finally, the door was swinging shut behind them and she let out a sigh of relief.

She stood there for a full few minutes, amazed at what had just happened – before a low groan pulled her from her thoughts. She whipped her head around and then rushed to Spike’s side, dropping to her knees and watching over him worriedly as he moaned and one hand slowly came up to hold his head.

“Bloody hell,” he murmured.

Unthinkingly, she reached out her hand and touched his head gently.

“Is it bad?”

Her soft touch startled him and his eyes flew open, then fell half-shut again as he flinched in pain.

“S’fading.”

She said nothing but she knew by the way he was looking at her that he could read the worry in her face.

“Buffy.”

“So that was fun,” she interrupted nervously, trying to distract him from her tenderness, “Fighting against a nerd with super strength.”

“Buffy,” he repeated slowly, pushing himself painfully into a sitting position – with some instinctive help on her part that didn’t exactly help her case. This she could tell by the tiniest hint of a smile playing about his lips.

“Are you okay?” she asked shakily, her concerned gaze flicking over him.

She felt his fingers brush hers and when she dared to meet his gaze, he was smiling ever so softly at her.

“Worried about me?”



Every instinct in her was screaming at her to flee from him, from those too-knowing eyes, but she held her ground.

“Maybe a little,” she admitted wryly, unable to meet his gaze.

“Sweet,” he murmured, his fingers trailing up her bare arm.

“Not because I… I mean, not that I thought you were badly hurt… but I mean… electricity to the brain… and what the hell was that device thingey anyway. Nerds! I don’t know where they come up with these things-“

Her nervous babbling was cut off as he pressed a single finger to her lips and her gaze jerked to his. He was smiling at her in amusement and affection – a genuine smile, not one she saw often.

“S’nice to know you don’t want my brain fried,” he murmured silkily.

Not knowing what to say to rescue herself, she merely shrugged, once again avoiding his gaze.

“Buffy,” he murmured again – his voice a low, tantalising whisper; his breath cool against her neck.

“I really should-“

She had turned to look at him but the look in his eyes caught her off guard and stopped her mid-sentence. He usually hid this look from her, knowing that it only brought out some sort of sadistic pleasure in her – to take his love and beat it out of him. Now though, his whole face was alight with his love for her – deep and warm and real. It had always been real – and that’s what had scared her so much.



Something about her quiet acceptance must have spurred him on because the next second, his fingers were brushing against her neck as he looked up at her from under impossibly long eyelashes.

“I love you, Buffy.”

“I know you do,” she replied shakily after a moment’s pause.

“S’that so?” he murmured, half to himself, “Well, that’s a start, I guess.”

Blue eyes met hers and everything just fell away – all she could focus on was the feel of him so close. She knew if she did not move in a few seconds he would be kissing her and she was torn as to what to do. Part of her wanted him so much – but part of her knew that things were still unclear, fuzzy.

Before he could move, she jumped up, moving away from him and sitting on the small step in the middle of the shop, eyes on the floor.

“Buffy?” he asked with something like bemusement in his voice.

“I can’t… I can’t be kissing you right now.”

“And who says we were going to be kissing?”

She raised her head and gave him a pointed look and he smiled lasciviously, tucking his tongue behind his teeth. Somehow, though, she forced her gaze away, fixing it on a spot just to her right.

“I was jealous,” she blurted out into the silence of the shop.



It took him a few moments to reply but when he did, she could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“Were you now?”

She took a deep breath and raised her eyes to his, letting him see the pain she had held back. His expression turned serious and he sat up a bit straighter, blue eyes watching her intently.

“Buffy-“

“That’s why I said those things.”

“It doesn’t-“

“You’re not a monster,” she cut in.

She met his gaze square on and she saw the surprise ripple through his body, even as he tried to hide it from her.

“I mean, on paper, yeah,” she added with a tiny little smile which he returned, “But you… you’re real. You’re the most alive person I know.”

“You admit that someone like me – a vampire - can feel?”

“I know you can, Spike. I’ve seen it so many times… but it scared me.”

“Scared you how?”

“You… you feel so much… but you’re dead. And I… I just feel so numb sometimes and I…”

“And you find yourself taking a tumble with the undead to perk things up,” he finished sourly.

“It wasn’t like that.”

He gave her a pointed look and she smiled ever so slightly.

“Not always,” she conceded.



She sighed and hung her head, trying to figure out in her mind what she needed to say to him. She jumped then when she felt him settle beside her on the step and her eyes flew to his.

“You trying to say you might just feel something for ole Spike?” he asked, half playfully.

“You know I do,” she whispered.

“Not just hatred?”

“No.”

“And not just lust?”

“No,” she repeated, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Something more then?”

She turned serious and held his gaze.

“Something. Something that’s kinda big and kinda scary.”

“Why are you so afraid of feeling something for me?” he murmured, reaching out to brush a hand over her hair. She couldn’t help but close her eyes with his caress, leaning into it ever so slightly.

“I don’t know,” she replied with a little laugh, eyes still closed.

“Buffy, look at me,” Spike coaxed, one hand cupping her cheek, “I need to know. Tell me… tell me something, anything, because you’re killing me here.”

“You’re already dead,” she murmured, feeling light-headed as she met his bright gaze.

“Buffy-“

“You know how you once asked me for a crumb?” she whispered, holding his gaze, feeling it warm her.

“Yeah…”

“Well, I… I mean-“



The door burst open once more, interrupting her words and drawing their attention to the door – both with scowls on their faces at the interruption. Spike’s scowl didn’t fade but as she took in the sight of the intruders, Buffy’s expression turned to something like anxiety, with a pinch of fear.

“Hi guys!” she said weakly, flashing her friends a worried smile.

Judging by the wide smile on Dawn’s face, the scowl on Xander’s and the slightly nervous look on Willow’s, this was going to be interesting.

After a long silence that made her even more nervous, Buffy jumped to her feet, dusting down her clothes anxiously as she gave her friends a shaky smile.

“Hey guys. You missed the show. There were nerds.”

“Yeah, we, err, we saw,” Willow got out quietly, making Buffy’s heart miss a beat. But no, they might not have seen what she really hoped they hadn’t.

“Oh, you got into the cameras?!” she asked, “That’s great.”

Willow smiled weakly and Buffy returned it just as weakly.

“So you saw me totally kick ass,” she joked, forcing a wide smile and wishing to all of the gods that Xander would stop looking at her so intently.

“Oh yeah, we did,” Dawn commented lowly, a smile tugging at her lips as her eyes flicked quickly to Spike and back to Buffy again.

“Well, you know, we should probably tidy up,” Buffy got out nervously, already bursting into action – anything to avoid facing her sister and recognising that knowing - and somewhat smug – look, “Anya’s going to have a cow if she finds the shop like this.”

She was already starting to pick up fallen objects when Willow’s hesitant voice stopped her.

“Erm, Buffy… maybe we should talk.”

She placed the small skull she had picked up back on the shelf and stared at it for a long time, praying for courage. Just as she was about to turn to her friend though, a small flash of light caught her eye. A flash of light from within the skull.



She snatched up the skull and smashed it open, her eyes narrowing angrily as she discovered the camera inside.

“Those creepy idiots,” she mumbled, inspecting the tiny camera in her hand, “I’m going to… I’m going to do something really bad to them.”

She glanced up at the several pairs of eyes watching her and then threw the camera to the floor with a scowl, grinding it under her heel.

“I really hate those nerds.”

“What the hell was that?” Spike got out, staring at the small device she had just crushed.

“Nerd camera,” she replied, turning towards him, “They were spying on us.”

He raised an eyebrow in something like surprise and her eyes went wide as she threw a worried glance towards her friends.

“Well, on me,” she quickly amended, “And the gang, you know.”

She threw another worried glance at her friends and then quickly hid her emotions, turning to them with a wry smile.

“So, eww. Can we make sure they don’t spy again?”

“S-sure,” Willow stuttered, “No problem. They won’t be watching you again.”

“Good.”



Another awkward silence fell over the group and she watched her friends from under her eyelashes, wishing she had any idea what was going on. She really didn’t like the way Xander was looking at Spike though.

Suddenly, the vampire in question went into motion, shrugging his jacket into place and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“S’much fun as this is… I got better things to do.”

He was already halfway to the door – the back one, the one in the opposite direction to her friends – when she spoke up.

“Wait,” she called out, not sure what impulse had made her do so. He turned back to her, surprise clear in his expression as he raised an eyebrow at her in question.

“Please,” she added.

He stopped and just looked at her for a moment, tilting his head in a way that somehow sent a flush of warmth through her, despite the innocence of the gesture.

“Alright,” he murmured, eyes locked on hers.

It took her another long few seconds before she could tear her eyes away from him and then she turned back to her friends, putting on a slight smile.

“So, what brings you guys here anyway?” she asked in fake nonchalance.

The three shared a look and then Xander met her gaze.

“Buffy, we need to talk.”

She recognised that tone in his voice instantly and her heart sank. It was intervention time.

“Okay,” she said brightly, hoping she was wrong, “About what?”

“Well, we could start with what the hell you were doing kissing him,” Xander remarked, gesturing towards Spike, “Or we could start with why he was able to hit you.”

“Oh,” was all she could get out in reply.



There was a long tense silence, broken only after some time by Spike’s voice.

“You know, this is obviously a Scooby thing… group pow-wow and all that… so I’ll just…”

She turned to Spike again, imploring him with her eyes.

“Please stay,” she said softly.

He swallowed hard and then nodded, blue eyes softening into an expression of affection. She took a deep breath, using the pause to order her thoughts, and turned to her friends, eyes skimming over them for a moment before she spoke up.

“I don’t know where to start,” she remarked with a tight smile, “But I… yes, we were fighting. You, err, you saw.”

She gave a slight shiver at the fact that her fight with Spike had been on show and continued uncertainly.

“You know, I… it was my fault… I mean, yeah there was that whole Anya kissage thing which we’re definitely going to be talking about…”

She gave Spike a pointed look, in the process missing the look of thunder that dawned on Xander’s face.

“The Anya whatage?”

Her face fell and she whirled round just in time to stop her friend in his path.

“How dare you touch her?!” Xander bit out at the vampire, unable to move any closer due to Buffy’s tight grip.

“Xander, it… it was a mistake. I think,” she added uncertainly, glancing at Spike.

“You know it was,” he murmured, eyes locked on hers.

She nodded and gave him a tiny smile before turning back to her friend.

“I think I’m right when I say that they were just both hurting and they… needed some comfort, I guess.”

Xander didn’t look much soothed by the explanation and she kept her hand on his arm just in case.

“She still loves you,” she whispered and his uncertain gaze flew to hers, “She’s just upset.”

“I know,” he sighed, his whole body going lax.



She finally dared to let Xander go and he took a few steps back, seemingly lost in his thoughts for a moment. She too was silent for a moment, but then she straightened up and met her friends’ gazes.

“Guys, I… I realise there’s a lot we need to talk about… a lot I need to tell you… but I, I really need to talk to Spike. Alone.”

She turned to face the vampire and met his bright gaze.

“There’s a lot we need to sort out… stuff we need to make right… I need to make right,” she murmured.

Spike said nothing but she could feel his hot gaze like a touch, burning into her. Somehow, she dragged her gaze from his and turned to her friends, searching their expressions for some sort of reaction.

“It’s important that I do this,” she said.

“Are you guys… together?” Dawn asked, eyes flicking between them.

“I don’t know,” Buffy answered honestly, “That’s one of the things we need to talk about.”

She turned and gave Spike a quick look but forced herself back again.

“I really just… I need to do this first… but then I’ll tell you everything.”

Before her friends could say anything, she turned on her heel and quickly headed towards the back door. She paused for a moment in front of Spike, met his gaze – and smiled as he fell in behind her, following her out into the night.

They walked along in silence for some time before Spike finally spoke up from beside her.

“Where we going then? For this little conflab of ours.”

“I thought we could go to yours,” she replied without looking at him.

“That such a good idea?”

She turned to face him and couldn’t help smiling when she caught sight of his smirk. She slapped him lightly on the arm and continued on her way.

“Better than staying there, right?”

“S’pose so.”

They fell silent and she let herself enjoy the comfort of his presence, the strange calm that settled over them both. It wasn’t often that they were so quiet, so relaxed together – and that was probably her fault too. She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself, looking up ahead at the moonlit sky as they walked along through an eerily silent Sunnydale.



Before too long, they had reached Restfield cemetery and when she saw Spike’s crypt come into view, her heart lurched as the reality sank in. She had promised him a talk, a chance to sort out what had gone so horribly wrong between them – but she had no idea what she was going to say.

He went ahead and opened the door, holding it open and beckoning her inside. With a shy glance, she slipped past him and into the main room, twisting her hands together nervously as she listened to him shut the door behind them. A thick silence passed over them again and she took a few long breaths to calm herself. Spike said nothing, waiting for her to speak – and succeeding only in making her more nervous.

“Say something,” she pleaded finally.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked quietly, his voice tinged with laughter.

“Anything.”

She felt him move and then he was standing in front of her, looking down at her with dark eyes.

“I love you.”

“That’s not helping,” she whispered after a pause, smiling softly, “You’re just making me more nervous.”

“You nervous around me, Slayer?” he murmured incredulously, “Never thought I’d see the day.”

He traced his thumb over her cheek and she leaned into the caress instinctively, her body unknowingly giving away more than her words.



Finally, she forced herself away and took several long strides away from him, turning to face him from the other side of the room. He smirked and raised an eyebrow and she smiled shyly.

“I can’t think properly when you’re touching me.”

His smirk grew even wider and she rolled her eyes, letting him enjoy the moment.

“Are you done?” she asked after a while and he smiled softly, slipping out of his jacket and moving to slump in his chair, eyes fixed on her unnervingly.

“M’ready for my lecture,” he announced with a smile.

“It’s not a lecture,” she replied, leaning against the sarcophagus, “I just… I guess we need to talk about stuff.”

“Might be good. You’ve got an old vampire all hot and bothered and confused.”

She smiled apologetically and paused again, trying to order her thoughts.

“So, erm, where were we?” she asked, “Before we were interrupted.”

“We were talking about crumbs,” he replied with a smile.

“Crumbs. Right. Yeah.”

She said nothing again for a long pause and when she looked up from the floor, she jumped a little when she found Spike only a few inches away.

“We never were the talking kind,” he murmured and before she could reply, he dipped his head and kissed her.



He was right, as usual: she couldn’t express with words what she felt, how she relied on him, needed him, wanted him. So she tried to pour it all into her kiss, winding her hand behind his neck and holding him close as she kissed him back, her heart pounding with the feel of him. She jerked back suddenly, her breath coming heavily.

“Wait.”

He smiled ever so slightly and pulled back a tiny bit to look at her, blue eyes studying her intently.

“I can’t. Not yet.”

“Why not?” he whispered, leaning in close and pressing a kiss to her temple that made her eyelids flutter.

“Wait,” she repeated, hands moving to his chest and holding him away, “I need to tell you… you need to know…”

“Maybe I already do.”

He caught her mouth with his once more and she let out a throaty moan. It had been too long.

She wrapped her arms tightly around him and in seconds, she was off the floor, her legs wrapping around him as he stumbled into the sarcophagus. Her hands ran over him desperately, tugging at hair and clothes, needing more contact – even as a little voice in her head kept telling her ‘not yet’. When his mouth dropped to her neck, she somehow got the willpower to pull away, her hands on his shoulders to hold him at a distance.

“Wait,” she got out breathlessly, “I… I don’t want to do this.”



Her words galvanised him into motion and he jerked away from her, his eyes turning bright with rejection and then quickly cold as he hid from her. She moved forward quickly and stopped him though.

“Spike, no. I… I didn’t mean… I do want you.”

“You sure about that?” he asked, hope warring with anger in his eyes.

“Yes. I just… not like this. Not here.”

“Not here?”

“I want… I want to be with you in a bed.”

“Sorry, love, mine’s out of action,” he got out bitterly.

“My bed,” she added and he went still, eyes flying to hers, searching them for signs of a lie.

“Your bed?” he repeated in wonder.

“Yes. But not now… now we need to talk.”

“You sure?” he asked disbelievingly, giving her a come hither look that almost broke through her self-control.

“Yes?” she whispered with a smile, shoving him gently away.

She turned her back on him and took a few steps away, gathering her thoughts.



“I’m sorry,” she blurted out after a while.

“What about?” he asked.

“Everything. All the things I did to you.”

“Wasn’t complaining.”

“You should have,” she remarked, turning to face him again, “You really should have.”

She paused for a moment, lost in painful memories, before she continued.

“I mean, God! What’s wrong with us, Spike? That we fight and we fight and we hurt each other so much.”

“But we don’t, do we, love?” he said, drawing her eyes to his, “Because we can take it. We’re strong.”

“But we shouldn’t… we shouldn’t want to hurt each other. It’s not normal.”

He raised an eyebrow in answer and she sighed, turning away from him again.

“I know, I know. We’re not normal. But I…”

She sighed and her gaze fell to the floor.

“I’m worried about the sort of person I’m becoming,” she whispered, “Someone who thrives on that… that darkness.”

There was silence for several long minutes, until she sensed Spike’s movement and his hand came to rest on her arm. She turned towards him slowly, looking up at him with pleading eyes, desperate for an answer.

“You’re a Slayer,” he whispered, “You thrive on the darkness because it’s inside you… it’s in your blood. Just like it’s in mine.”

“But I’m afraid,” she murmured, “I’m afraid that I’m becoming something… something less than human.”

“Like me, you mean,” he remarked, eyes turning cold for the shortest of seconds.

“No… I don’t know,” she sighed, “I just… I don’t feel human anymore, Spike.”

She sighed and then gave a twisted smile.

“And maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe it’s time I recognised that.”

She raised her eyes to his and smiled softly.

“You know, the kissing was much easier than this talking thing.”

“I can’t believe she just went off with him!” Xander exclaimed as the group sat around the Summers’ living room, still reeling from the events of that evening.

“I guess they had to talk,” Willow said softly.

“Ha, yeah! Talk,” Dawn scoffed, laughing.

“Dawn!” Willow got out in surprise.

“I’m just saying… the way they were looking at each other…”

“Okay, stop now,” Xander commented, “Or I’m going to make myself go deaf.”

“You can’t just pretend like it didn’t happen, Xander,” Dawn said seriously, “There’s obviously something going on between them. What are you going to do if Buffy comes back and says that her and Spike are an item?”

“Definitely make myself deaf,” he murmured thoughtfully, before he turned to the two girls, his expression tainted with confusion, “How did we not see this? Wait, no, why didn’t Buffy tell us before?”

“Maybe because she thought you might be like this about it?” Dawn suggested, much to Xander’s obvious chagrin. He was silent for a moment and then he slumped in his chair, rubbing his hand over his tired eyes.

“I want Buffy to be happy,” he pronounced, “I just… it’s Spike!”



The three fell silent, all seemingly considering just what this meant. Willow was the first to break the silence though, speaking up and jolting them all into awareness.

“He has changed.”

Xander just stared at her but Dawn nodded in agreement.

“He has.”

“He’s still a vampire,” Xander pointed out.

“But he’s good,” Dawn protested, “He was good when Buffy was…”

She trailed off, still unable to talk about that time when she had temporarily lost her sister.

“But it… it’s Spike,” Xander repeated, seemingly not too satisfied with his own reasoning as he sighed and ran his hand over his face.

“What if she’s in love with him?” Willow asked quietly.

“You think she might be?” Xander asked worriedly.

Willow shrugged and sank back against the couch.

“I don’t know. But there’s… I get the feeling there’s a whole bunch of stuff that Buffy hasn’t told us.”

She paused for a moment and then continued.

“I mean, I knew they were closer since she… got back… but…”

“I think it’s good,” Dawn pronounced, meeting their gazes with a determined look when they turned towards her, “Spike’s good for Buffy. He loves her and he can so totally do the fighting thing with her. And, you know, it’s kinda cool. It’s like Romeo and Juliet or something…”

“Yeah, Buffy did that once already… didn’t turn out so well,” Xander commented lowly.

“Spike isn’t Angel,” Dawn answered firmly, meeting Xander’s gaze and holding it.

“I know,” Xander agreed finally, bowing his head and staring at the floor.

A long few minutes of silence passed over the room, until finally Dawn’s impatient voice pierced it.

“Man, where is she?!”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“I really… have to… to go,” she choked out, barely able to get the words out between his kisses.

“Stay,” he growled against her mouth, tightening his arm around her waist.

She moaned low in her throat and sank against him, kissing him back hungrily, one hand twisted in the collar of his jacket. Eventually though, she somehow got the willpower to pull away from him, looking up at him with a soft smile.

“We need to stop. We were supposed to be talking.”

“Bugger that,” he spat out and tried to draw her close again but a restraining hand on his chest stopped him. He sighed and relented, looking down at her with bright eyes.

“How can you just pretend like I never hurt you?” she whispered, her expression suddenly turning serious.

“It doesn’t matter,” he murmured, brushing a hand over her arm, “You’re here with me. That’s all that matters.”

He managed to get in one short kiss before she forced herself away again. She held his gaze for a long moment and then slipped out of his grasp, retreating to a safe distance. He leant against the sarcophagus and watched her silently, waiting.

With her back to him, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes before speaking up.

“I don’t know if I can love you.”

He was silent for a painfully long time but when he answered, she turned to face him.

“Can you try?” he asked sincerely, moving forward, eyes pleading, that touch of vulnerability lighting his expression.



She paused and just looked at him, taking in every line of his familiar features. Could she try to love him? Try to give him that piece of her she had always held back?

“I’m afraid,” she whispered.

“Afraid of me?”

He took a careful two steps forward and brushed his fingers over her cheek as she shook her head.

“Afraid of me. Of what I lost when… when I got brought back.”

She let out a choked laugh and sent a tortured look his way.

“I thought I was losing my ability to love before,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion, “But when I think of how I felt then… and how I feel now. How I don't feel now.”

Spike’s gaze softened into one of sympathy and before she could say anything else, two strong arms were wrapped around her and her head was nestled under his chin. She let out a long deep breath and let herself enjoy the simple comfort of his embrace. She wondered why she had never shared this fear with him before, never let him soothe her.

“You’re full of life,” he murmured, his mouth against her hair, “You don’t see it, but I do. I’ve always seen it. It’s what always drew me to you.”

She smiled against his chest and draped her arms loosely around his waist, relaxing into him.

“You know, I think you might secretly be a soppy romantic.”

He laughed and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Can’t deny it. It’s who I am.”

She smiled and tightened her grip on him, closing her eyes and breathing in the smell of him, letting a calm wash over her.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“Maybe it was really the Buffybot!” Xander piped up, startling the others as they had all been sat in silence, “I mean, it seemed like Buffy… but then so did the robot.”

“Xander, it was not the Buffybot,” Dawn remarked, “Stop trying to find an excuse. Buffy likes Spike. So what?”

Xander fell silent, temporarily chastised.

“You know, it kinda makes sense,” Willow spoke up thoughtfully, drawing their attention to her.

"How d’you figure?” Xander asked.

“Well, they spent all those years really hating each other, you know? Like really intensely wanting each other dead. And there were all those strong emotions swimming about… it’s no wonder they turned into something else!” she exclaimed, warming to her theory.

“It’s like, you know, they hated each other with a passion… and now there’s just passion!” she finished with a tiny, triumphant smile.

There was a moment’s silence and then Dawn answered.

“Eww. Please don’t mention my sister and the word ‘passion’ in the same sentence. I do not want that mental image.”

“It’s not exactly mental when they were all over each other right there in front of our eyes,” Xander remarked quietly.

“Eww,” Dawn repeated, “You know, I’m all for this, but if they start playing tonsil tennis in front of me, that’s it.”

Willow giggled and even Xander couldn’t help but smile at the teen’s protestations.

“But we don’t know what’s going on yet,” Willow said, “We just have to wait for Buffy, I guess.”

They all fell silent and Dawn glanced at her watch, slumping on the couch and resting her head on her hand as she let out a yawn.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“Okay, now I really have to go,” Buffy breathed, retracting her hands from under his shirt and letting out a long, shaky breath.

“Just when it was getting interestin’,” Spike drawled, eyes running over her lasciviously. She sent him a pointed look and straightened her shirt, smoothing her hands over the front.

“How do I look?” she asked – and regretted it a moment later.

He tilted his head to one side and regarded her, tongue tucked behind his teeth.

“Deliciously rumpled,” he practically purred, eyes dark with hunger as he looked at her.

“You’re not helping,” she moaned, shaking off the heat his look prompted and turning her back on him.

“What do you need my help with?” he asked huskily.

“Spike!” she protested and he chuckled, drawing a reluctant smile from her.

“So…” he started, catching her gaze, “Is this the bit where you kick me in the head and run off?”

“I think your head’s been abused enough for one day, don’t you?” she teased, flashing him a wide smile.



“Hey, that reminds me, did you get that zapper thing?”

She paused for a moment and then sent him a sheepish look.

“Oops?”

“Slayer, are you telling me you let them walk away with their remote control Spike-zapper?” he got out, his voice dangerously low, moving towards her slowly, almost predator-like.

“Erm…”

“Slayer…”

“Okay, okay. I know. But I wasn’t exactly with it! My head was all over the place… and it’s all your fault!”

His only reply was a smug smile and she rolled her eyes.

“You don’t have to look so smug, you know!” she sulked.

“S’nice to know I have some effect on you,” he replied in a sultry voice.

“You know you have an effect on me… you just like hearing it confirmed out loud.”

He smirked and she rolled her eyes again, even as a smile tugged at her lips.

“I really should go.”

“Do you have to?” he asked, turning from sultry sex god to vulnerable boy in seconds.

“You know the guys will just get themselves worked up.”

“You shouldn’t worry about what they think so much.”

She paused and moved over to him, reaching out and touching his arm.

“I know. But they’re my friends… and it’s important that they understand.”

“We didn’t exactly get to the part where we worked out what they were supposed to understand,” he murmured with a pleased smile.

“Your fault,” she whispered, leaning into him as he tilted his head down to her, “And you’re doing it again.”

He smiled softly and caught her lips between his again, one hand splayed low on her back as he held her to him. She let out a small sigh and sank against him, wondering just how something that had been made evil could kiss like an angel. She relaxed into his embrace, amazed that it had taken her so long to admit she felt anything for him. Could she love him though? Wrapped up in his arms, sharing a tender kiss, it sure felt like a possibility.

The door to the Summers’ house flew open, startling the sleepy occupants and drawing their attention towards the hallway. Buffy wafted in, a smile on her face as she pulled off her jacket and hung it on the coat rack. She shook her hair out and then, almost as a second thought, she looked towards the living room where they sat and paused, her smile disappearing.

“Hi,” she said quietly, moving into the living room, every muscle in her body tense.

Her friends greeted her and she moved towards a chair, slipping into it and just regarding them thoughtfully for a few minutes.

“I guess I owe you an explanation,” she finally started with a wry smile, “A whole lot of explanation.”

No-one said anything, watching her intently, waiting to hear what she was going to say. She let out a breath and sat back in the chair, her hands laced together.

“Okay… I’ll start with the fighting because that’s a lot less… personal.”

She gave her friends a strained smile and then continued slowly.

“The thing is… Spike’s chip hasn’t worked on me since I got back.”

“Just you?” Xander asked somewhat worriedly, “Or is it out of action completely?”

“Just me,” she explained with a tiny smile, “Some sort of… molecular thing.”

“Because of how we brought you back,” Willow added, “It changed you.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, not surprised that her friend had come to the same conclusion as Tara.
“I guess I thought it had changed me more though…” she continued quietly, “I… I used it as an excuse for a whole lot of bad things.”



Buffy took a deep breath, her eyes falling to the floor for a moment before she brought her head up to face them once more.

“I guess I should start at the beginning…”

At the encouraging nods from her sister and Willow, she smiled ever so slightly and started.

“Well, when I came back everything was… it was hard. Really hard. I didn’t want you to know though… so I hid it. I hid it from all of you. Except Spike.”

She paused and smiled ever so slightly, before
continuing.

“I don’t know why, but I could talk to him. He understood… I guess it’s a whole waking up in your coffin thing!” she joked weakly.

She glanced at her friends and, buoyed by the fact that none of them looked ready to attack, she continued.

“We got closer… and then the singing extravaganza started and one thing led to another and we… we kissed. I don’t really know how it happened… And after that, things just got sort of… intense.”

“Eww,” Dawn commented lowly, lending some light relief to the situation and drawing a smile from her sister. A moment later, Buffy’s expression turned serious though and she raised sad eyes to her friends.

“I’m not proud of what I did. Of how I lied and snuck around and, worst of all, of how I treated Spike.”

She shook her head, lost in bad memories for a moment.

“He obviously forgave you though,” Dawn pointed out.

“He’s stupid like that,” she replied with a wry smile.

“No, he just loves you.”

Buffy met her sister’s gaze for a long pause and then smiled a soft smile.

“I know. Trust me, I know.”



“So, what happened?” Willow asked, drawing the sisters’ attention, “That you went from intense… to the fisticuffs?”

“Well, that never changed,” Buffy quipped and then continued with a frown, “And that’s something else I’m not proud of. Anyway, the point is… things came to an end.”

Her mouth twisted into a smile and she rolled her eyes at her idiocy.

“Riley came to town. And I totally freaked. You know, he had a wife and all and I… I didn’t know what the hell was going on with Spike. So I broke it off.”

She paused for a few seconds and then met her friends’ worried gazes.

“Man, was that a mistake… which brings us to today, I guess.”

“What brought on the major fighting?” Dawn asked, hooked on her sister’s story, “Apart from you know.”

Dawn sent a concerned glance in Xander's direction and he scowled in remembrance. Buffy watched him worriedly for a while before answering her sister’s question.

“I was mad. And hurt. So I did what I always do with Spike… I lashed out.”

“But he was hitting you too,” Xander remarked with a frown.

“Yeah, I guess he had plenty of reason to be mad and hurt too. We were never too good at hashing out our issues with words… and that really has to change.”

At this first hint of what Buffy’s decision might have been, Dawn perked up visibly, smiling at her sister.

“So you are together?”



Buffy was silent, pondering her sister’s question. Had they actually got round to that with all the kissing? She couldn’t seem to remember. She smiled to herself but couldn’t hide it from her friends and she saw Dawn grin.

“I don’t know,” she finally said with a shrug, “Maybe. I think so.”

“You care about him!” Dawn exclaimed triumphantly, “I knew you did!”

“Of course I care for him,” she answered instantly and paused, surprised at how easily the words had come out to her friends, “I… I like him.”

“Do you love him?” Xander spoke up.

Buffy turned to her friend and smiled wryly.

“I really don’t know. But I… I could. I think. I… want to find out.”

Xander nodded and the room fell silent, all of the girls watching him for some sort of reaction. After a long silence, he raised his head and smiled uncertainly at Buffy.

“I really… I want you to be happy, Buffy.”

“Me too,” she answered seriously, still bracing herself for his harsh words.

“And you think you could be? With Spike?” he asked, not quite believing it could be true.

“It’s definitely worth a try,” she answered lightly, smiling slightly and relaxing when her friend sent her his own weak smile, “And Spike deserves it. After everything we’ve been through, I owe him that much.”

“Oh, this is so cool!” Dawn burst out excitedly, jumping out of her seat and tackling her sister with a tight hug, “You guys are going to be the best couple ever, I just know it.”

“Okay, Dawnie, calm down,” Buffy commented with an affectionate smile, “We’re not perfect. I’m sure we’ll still fight and I’ll still want to punch him sometimes and… well, we’re normal.”

“Yeah, normal,” Dawn snarked, “The Slayer and her vampire. Way normal.”

Buffy laughed and elbowed her sister in the side as Dawn smiled widely. She rolled her eyes and smiled widely, meeting each one of her friend’s gazes, her heart lighter now that she knew she hadn’t brought about their hatred, or their disgust.

What seemed like an age later, Buffy climbed the stairs to her bed, still smiling slightly to herself. Relief coursed through her at her friends’ acceptance of her decision – mixed with surprise that even Xander seemed okay with the idea of her and Spike as a couple. At the thought, she giggled, remembering a lovestruck couple of days where she and Spike had been all over each other. It had been a spell, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t find that giddiness in real life. Still smiling, she slipped into her room and quickly changed into her pyjamas. When she was changed, she sat on the edge of her bed, hugging Mr. Gordo to her and smiling thoughtfully. She hadn’t felt this giddy in a long time. She sank back on the bed and laughed to herself, wondering just how one evening could be so eventful.

She was startled a few moments later when she heard a slight tapping on her window and she jerked upright, spinning towards the window. She froze for a second and then moved towards it, an amused smile playing about her lips as she got to the windowsill and opened the window.
“And just what do you think you’re doing?” she asked, crossing her arms across her chest and regarding the smirking vampire who was perched outside her window.
“Unfinished business,” he explained, slipping in through the window as she took a step back.
“That’s ghosts, not vampires,” she pointed out, trying hard to suppress her smile as he grinned at her. He shrugged and reached out an arm, drawing her close. He passed a hand over her hair, blue eyes burning into her as they ran over her features.
“How did it go?”
“Not so bad.”
They shared a smile and he stroked his thumb over her jaw, staring at her in wonder.
“Is this real?” he asked.
“I think so,” she whispered with a soft smile.
He smiled then, eyes shining brightly as he looked down at her, his emotions laid bare to her: love, desire, affection.
“God, I love you.”
“I should hope so, after I finally told the Scoobies about us.”
“Do I need to sleep with one eye open then?”
She paused for a second and then put on her best sex-kitten voice, hands trailing up his chest.
“Not in my bed, you don’t.”
His eyes turned dark with desire instantly and she smiled coyly as he caught the back of her neck, guiding her towards him.
“Love you,” he murmured, seconds before his mouth collided with hers.

She moaned and wrapped her arms around him tightly, pouring several weeks of suppressed hunger into her kiss now that they were alone in her room. He crushed her tightly against him and slanted his mouth over hers, deepening their kiss. Meanwhile, her hands were struggling with his jacket, trying to shed him of it without breaking from their kiss. Finally, he shrugged out of it and it fell to the floor with a low thud. Her hands went then to his shirt, gripping it and tugging ever so slightly as she took a few steps backwards, drawing him with her. As her legs hit the edge of her bed, he broke away and wide eyes went between her and the bed for a few moments before he kissed her again passionately. She sank to the bed and with a smile, drew him over her, tracing her hand over his neck as he stared down at her in awe.
“Can’t believe I’m here,” he murmured, blue eyes fixed on hers even as his hand slipped under her pyjama top.
“Me neither,” she whispered, “This is too much like a dream.”
“Dream about me in your bed a lot, do you?”
She said nothing but her serious expression conveyed that yes, she did dream about him sharing her bed – on a regular basis. He arched an eyebrow and then his lips curled into a smirk, any shyness replaced by his usual arrogance. He dipped his head and pressed a gentle kiss to her neck, causing her to sigh and arch into his caress, hands gripping his shoulders tightly. It seemed like months since they had last been like this – that last time, back in his crypt – and she found herself slowing down, desperate to savour every moment. Because this here, in her bed, was something huge for them.

She was soon distracted from her thoughts as his mouth trailed over her collarbone, leaving tantalisingly soft kisses.
“Spike,” she whispered desperately, hands scrambling to undo his shirt.
“That’s right, love,” he purred in her ear, “S’me. Did you miss me?”
“Yes,” she breathed, closing her eyes and letting the feelings wash over her.
When he didn’t move again though, she frowned and opened her eyes, finding him hovering above her, watching her intently.
“What?”
“Did you really?” he asked, “Miss me?”
“You’re really fishing tonight, aren’t you?” she teased, shoving him gently on the shoulder. He caught her hand though and pinned it to the bed, eyes burning into her.
“I’m serious.”
She turned serious too and raised her free hand to his shoulder, tracing her fingers over the fabric of his shirt. She held his gaze for a moment and then spoke up.
“I missed you, Spike. I missed touching you, talking to you, even fighting with you.”
“Fighting with me or just fighting me?” he teased with a smile, his eyes suddenly bright. She narrowed her eyes but when he dipped his head and kissed her again, all thoughts of anything but the taste of him were forgotten.

They shed their clothes impatiently, desperate for the feel of each other now it had sunk in that this was really happening. When they were finally wrapped up in each other’s arms under her covers, Spike paused, blue eyes studying her.
“Are you sure you want this?”
“God yes,” she got out, drawing his mouth to hers for a searing kiss and letting out a gasp against his mouth as he slid inside her.
“Oh God,” she moaned, throwing her head back, overwhelmed by the feel of him. It really had been too long.
“Look at me,” he whispered and she forced her eyes to his, holding his gaze as he moved against her experimentally, “Be here with me.”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and clung to him, her fingers just stroking the ends of his hair.
“Love you,” he groaned, eyes closing in bliss as he moved and she moaned, holding him close.
“Spike,” she pleaded and eyes sparkling with desire and mischief flew to hers.
“Yeah?” he teased, smirking slightly.
“Need you.”
“That so?”
She nodded jerkily and gasped as he thrust against her sharply.
“Can’t deny the lady what she wants, can I?”
She shook her head and he smiled, catching her mouth in a hungry kiss as he moved faster. It was perfect – everything about this moment, about finally having him in her bed was perfect – and she never wanted it to end. This, she could deal with. She could open up to him in bed, she could give herself over to him in a way she was scared to death of doing at any other time. Here, nothing mattered. It was just the two of them. She kissed him harder, trying to put all those feelings into a kiss – and it must have worked a little because he moaned, his muscles tensing. And then, together, they exploded, their simultaneous cries echoing in the silent house.

It was just another night, just like any of the thousands of nights she had spent patrolling Sunnydale, keeping its streets safe. Except it wasn’t. Because she had never ever felt like this: never felt like she was truly sharing this patrol. Sure enough, Spike was at her side, ready – itching even – to fight. She sent a soft smile in his direction and then turned her attention back to the cemetery.

This was the most relaxed she had ever been on a patrol as well, she realised with a start. And once again, it was thanks to Spike’s presence. His presence did not irritate – not any longer – nor did it set her on edge, worrying about him and his safety. He was her equal in this night-time pursuit and it made what had become an everyday, almost monotonous task into something she could enjoy, something she could share with someone who truly understood.

Angel had never fought with her – he had stood back and watched from the shadows. And Riley had never been strong enough to fight with her as an equal, much to his dismay. Even her friends were always a danger on patrol, one extra thing for her to worry about. But with Spike, there was none of this – this was his patrol as much as hers. If a demon were to pop up in the next second, they would fight it together, as a team. And hell, if that wasn’t a strange thought.



They were more than just a team though, as she was reminded as Spike suddenly drew closer to her, one arm settling around her shoulders. She glanced up at him and he gave her what might have been an almost shy smile, making her smile and wrap her arm around his waist. He leant in and she felt his breath stirring her hair, could tell he was breathing in the scent of her – one of those weird vampire intimacies that had annoyed her before. Now though, surrounded by his smoky, musky scent, she kind of understood: it was sort of comforting, knowing his scent.

She gave a little giggle at her strange thoughts and she could feel Spike watching her in confusion.

“Nothing,” she whispered.

He came to a halt and she looked up at him with a smile as he studied her face. After a few long moments, he softened, smiling gently and reaching up to brush her hair from her face.

“Love your hair when it’s down.”

She smiled and leant into his touch as he twirled a hair around his finger.

“S’getting long again.”

She nodded and then flushed with embarrassment, remembering the reason why she had hacked her long hair off. To spite him, of course, because he loved her hair. But back then, she hadn’t wanted to please, hadn’t wanted him to love stupid things like her hair. It hadn’t worked either – and that was the kicker – because it really didn’t matter what her hair was like. Spike wanted her no matter what. It still surprised her just how stupidly she had acted – and just how unbending his love was.




“What you thinkin’ about?” he murmured, startling her back to the present.

“Hmm?”

“Can practically hear your mind racing,” he commented with a smile, wrapping his arm around her and propelling them into motion again.

“I was just thinking about us.”

He tensed for a moment and she frowned, but a second later, he relaxed.

“What about us then?”

“Well, about how stupid I was before. You know I cut my hair off just because you liked it so much long?”

“Yeah, kinda figured that, love. You really weren’t too keen on the ‘Goldilocks’ thing.”

“I’m still not,” she remarked with a playful frown and he laughed, drawing her tighter against his side. She relaxed into him and closed her eyes, her head resting against his shoulder. To think, things could have been this easy from the beginning if she hadn’t stupidly fought her affection for him.

They had been heading this way from the moment she had been brought back, but her own fears and insecurities had made her push him away as soon as he got close. God, she had been an idiot. All that wasted time. She stopped suddenly and turned to him and he raised an eyebrow in question.

Without a word, she leant up and kissed him, her hand just touching his cheek. She sensed his surprise but instead of pulling away, he rested one hand on her lower back, holding her to him. She pulled back and met his gaze, savouring that look of love in his eyes for a long moment.

“What was that for?” he asked quietly.

She shrugged and leant up to kiss him softly once more. She forced herself away and he fell into step with her as she headed towards the cemetery gates.

“It’s so quiet tonight,” she commented – for once, not out of irritation, “It’s nice.”

She glanced at Spike and he smiled, moving closer and catching her hand with his. She smiled again and squeezed his hand in hers, wrapping her fingers around his. It should have felt weird, she mused – holding hands with her one-time enemy - but it actually felt kind of nice, comfortable in a way. Her world really was turning upside down.



Hand-in-hand, they left the cemetery and travelled the short distance to the next in a comfortable silence.

“Buffy!”

A voice broke their quiet and with a frown of recognition, she turned and let out a little sigh as she spotted Jonathan – alone for once.

“I thought I was pretty clear yesterday,” she remarked, “Stay away from me or you get your asses kicked.”

“Yeah, erm, right,” he got out awkwardly, “But the thing is, I… I brought this.”

He held out his hand and in it, she spotted the zapper that had triggered Spike’s chip. She sent him a quick look and turned back to Jonathan, scanning the area for his friends.

“You touch that button and you’ll regret it,” she threatened and Jonathan recoiled visibly.

“No, I… here.”

He held out the device and she frowned in confusion.

“Huh?”

“Take it.”

She slipped her hand from Spike’s and warily edged forward, expecting an ambush at any minute. She finally came to a stop just short of Jonathan and he held out the device to her, smiling weakly. She quickly snatched it out of his hand and took a few steps backwards.



There was a pause and then she spoke, her tone betraying her confusion.

“Okay, what just happened here?”

Jonathan shrugged awkwardly and then spoke up.

“I was fed up with Warren.”

“So you decided to come give me his zapper-thingy?”

“Actually, they kind of forced me out,” he explained with another awkward shrug, “I stole that.”

“I… thanks.”

“I also broke Warren’s balls,” he added.

“Excuse me?!”

“The balls… that’s where he was getting the strength from.”

“Oh,” she got out, turning her head and meeting Spike’s slightly bewildered look.

“Well, I should get going.”

She turned back to Jonathan quickly, stepping forward and making him flinch.

“Why did you do this?”

He looked at the ground for a moment and then shrugged once more.

“I mean, you were always pretty good. You saved my life and all. I just didn’t think it was right.”

All she could do was stare at Jonathan, not quite sure this was actually happening.

“I really should go. My mom doesn’t like it when I’m late.”

He turned and before she could say anything, he was hurrying away and she was left stunned. She looked at the device in her hand and turned to face Spike slowly.

“That was… strange.”

Spike nodded when she met his gaze and then both of their gazes went to the black box in her hand. She considered it for a moment and then held it out to Spike.

“You want to do the honours?”

He smiled and took it from her, studying it for a brief second before dropping it to the floor and crushing it under his foot.

Chapter Thirteen


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Everything was still new, still unfamiliar – but she was happier than she had been in a long time. As she and Spike made their way through the dark streets of Sunnydale together, she glanced at him and smiled. He looked more relaxed than he had in a long time, savouring his cigarette as he flashed her a smile. She returned his smile and brushed her arm against his as they walked along.

“And remember, best behaviour tonight,” she reminded him with a teasing smile.

“What are you trying to suggest, Slayer?” he growled, reaching out and grabbing her hand, his fingers wrapping around hers.

“That you enjoy making Xander just this side of uncomfortable, maybe?”

He chuckled and she elbowed him in the side.

“The Whelp needs to get used to it. To us,” he murmured, drawing her close.

“He is,” she protested, “You know he’s been really good about the whole thing. You just enjoy testing his boundaries.”

“Boy needs to lighten up a bit,” he remarked with a shrug.

She couldn’t help but laugh at his attitude and he smiled boyishly, releasing her hand to drape his arm around her shoulders.

“Can I help it if he gets all squirmy whenever I decide to… express my affection?” he murmured with a smirk.

“I don’t call practically dry-humping me against his front door ‘expressing your affection’,” she commented with a pointed look, trying hard to suppress her smile.

“Didn’t see you complaining,” he pointed out and she glared at him.

He just smiled and came to a halt, blue eyes sparkling in the dark as he looked down at her.

“We’re going to be late,” she whispered, even as he was peppering kisses over her cheeks.

“Oh well,” he mumbled and kissed her softly, hands cupping her face as she sank against him.




When they finally reached the Bronze some time later, Buffy hastily ran a hand over her hair and her shirt, hoping it wouldn’t be too obvious that they had been somewhat waylaid. Of course, turning up half an hour late didn’t exactly help their case, but she hoped her friends would just gloss over that.

As they reached the table where her friends sat, she smiled widely and slid onto a stool next to her sister.

“Have you been behaving?” she teased her sister.

“Coming from the girl who turns up thirty minutes late with smudged lipstick,” Dawn returned pointedly.

Blushing furiously, Buffy elbowed Spike as he laughed out loud. He stopped himself and settled on a chair next to her, his hand just resting on her leg. Much to her relief, the conversation soon moved on and she was able to recover from her embarrassment. Spike squeezed her leg and leant close a moment later, his breath tickling her ear.

“You’re so sexy when you’re embarrassed, love,” he murmured lowly.

“Hey!” she protested lowly, even as his words sent a flush of arousal through her, “Behave.”

He drew back and smiled at her softly, his hand stroking over her arm.

“I’ll be a good boy and get the drinks then, shall I?”

She smiled and he slid to his feet. Of course, he couldn’t leave without trying to unsettle Xander and so he leant in and gave her a long kiss. When he pulled back, she rolled her eyes and he smiled, ignoring her friends’ embarrassment and turning in the direction of the bar. She watched him for a moment – admiring his form – and then turned to her friends with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry about him.”

“I think we’ve got that memo now,” Xander quipped with a wry smile, “Buffy ‘n’ Spike forever.”

Buffy let out a shaky laugh and gave her friend a warm smile, glad that he could joke about a relationship he still had his doubts about.



~~~A week before~~~


“And you’re sure he hasn’t got you under a spell?” Xander pressed hopefully.

“I’m sure,” she answered with a laugh, sitting down at the table beside him.

“Just checking.”

She smiled again and then turned to face her friend.

“I know this is hard for you.”

“No, it’s just… it’s weird, is all. You know, I’m so used to thinking of him as annoying Spike who hangs around and gets in the way… Guess it’s going to take some time to start thinking of him as Spike, boyfriend of Buffy.”

“But you’re… you’re okay with it?” she asked hesitantly, searching her friend’s face.

“Buff, if it’s what you want, I’m not going to stand in the way… even if it is Spike.”

He smiled and she took his hand, squeezing it gratefully.

“It means a lot that you don’t want to kill my boyfriend,” she quipped.

“As long as he doesn’t hurt you.. and as long as he doesn’t try to do it up against my door again.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” she got out embarrassedly.

“Already forgotten. Seriously.”

She smiled and squeezed her friend’s hand, before giving into her impulse and hugging him.

“Thank you, Xander.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



She let her attention wander from her friends’ conversation and found her gaze drifting towards the bar, searching out a more-than-familiar blonde head. It wasn’t too difficult to spot him among the crowd and she smiled as she took in the sight of him, leaning up against the bar, relaxed and – wait, smiling at someone?

She sat up quickly, trying to see through the crowd. When she spotted the pretty barmaid who was talking to Spike – and blatantly flirting with him – her eyes narrowed on the thin brunette. The barmaid leant over the bar as she talked to Spike and Buffy’s gaze turned dangerous. Who did that girl think she was?!

“Buffy?”

She turned quickly back to her sister, not liking the knowing smile on her face.

“What?” she bit out impatiently.

“Problem?” Dawn asked, biting back her smile as she nodded in the direction of the bar.

The rest of the table were drawn to their conversation and she narrowed her eyes at her sister before glancing back to the bar where the barmaid was continuing to flirt with her boyfriend. Seriously, how long did it take to serve someone?

“Excuse me,” she got out, ignoring the smiles of her friends as she slid off her chair and made her way through the crowd.



She finally reached Spike and with a glare at the barmaid, she caught him lightly by the arm.

“Hey.”

He turned to her and bestowed a soft smile upon her, his eyes flooded instantly with love as he looked down at her.

“’Lo, love. Miss me already?”

“Uh-huh,” she murmured, leaning up and kissing him, more than aware of the barmaid watching her with an unimpressed look. Determined to get the message across, she kissed him harder, holding his mouth to hers as she caught his lip between her teeth, drawing a low growl from him. His grip tightened on her but she forced herself away with a blinding smile.

The barmaid cleared her throat pointedly and glared at Buffy.

“That’s eight dollars fifty.”

Much to Buffy’s delight, Spike didn’t even look at the girl as he placed the money down on the bar.

“Keep the change,” he called, taking Buffy’s hand and dragging her away into the crowd. Instead of leading her back to her friends though, he led her round to the area under the stairs, where they had once shared some clandestine kisses.



He came to a halt, pinning her up against the column as he looked down at her with a bright gaze. His head dipped, resting lightly against hers as he spoke.

“You’re even sexier when you’re jealous.”

She jerked away from him and raised her eyes to find him smiling in amusement.

“I wasn’t jealous,” she replied, faking nonchalance.

He only laughed, catching her around the waist and drawing her close against him. She tried to resist, tried not to soften with his touch – but it was hopeless. She sank against him and let her hands come to rest on the lapels of his jacket, gripping him as she raised her eyes to his.

“That skank was all over you,” she sulked.

He smiled widely and reached up to brush her hair from her face.

“And you think I was at all interested?”

“Well, I hope not!”

“You know not.”

She pouted childishly and he chuckled, catching her bottom lip between his teeth playfully. She relented instantly and he kissed her softly, but soon pulled back to look at her.

“And I thought I was the only monster in this relationship… but look what we have here: a green-eyed monster.”

She poked her tongue out at him and he smiled again.

“I didn’t like the way she was looking at you,” she mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

He chuckled and then guided her eyes back to his with a gentle hand.

“You have nothing to worry about. I’ve only got eyes for you.”

“Yeah, but what about all the girls who have eyes for you?” she sulked, playing up to his attentions.

“As long as you’re head of the fan club, it’ll be okay.”

She narrowed her eyes at him but couldn’t stay angry at him for long.



“You’re such a jerk,” she whispered, leaning against him, her forehead resting against his lips.

“You love it.”

“Maybe a little bit.”

He froze and she tensed for a moment before she forced herself to relax, wrapping her arms around him. He seemed to relax at the same moment and he held her closer.

“Just a little bit?” he murmured, his voice muffled by her hair.

“After you were smiling back at the skanky barmaid? Yeah, just a little bit.”

He chuckled and drew back to look at her, cupping her face in one hand.

“Now, that’s just cruel.”

She pouted, but when his eyes zeroed in on her lip, she couldn’t help but smile.

“I’ll make it up to you,” she whispered, drawing his gaze to hers.

“Sounds very interesting,” he murmured, dipping his head to drop light kisses over her neck and shoulder.

She just smiled and wrapped her arms around him tightly, holding him close. She was incredibly jealous when it came to him – and after only two weeks as a couple – but it felt good to feel so strongly. She didn’t know if she loved him yet, couldn’t be sure what she felt, but it certainly felt like she was falling for him.

The more time she spent with him, the more she realised that she had really missed out with him before. All that affection and tenderness and sweetness she could have had – and was now savouring. How could she have been so stupid? And to think, all that she had needed to open her eyes was the tiniest hint of losing him to someone else. It seemed that monsters were good for something after all – green-eyed ones at least.



THE END