Chapter 1

Tara Maclay took a deep breath before addressing the couple facing her. “All right, let’s start at the beginning.”

“Haven’t we already been through this? We met in high school, got married right out of college, and now we're about to be divorced. There’s not much more to it.”

William Pratt, also known as Spike to his friends and colleagues, glared at his soon to be ex-wife. “You make it sound like our lives have been boring. I don’t even know why we’re here. You see what I’ve had to deal with,” he complained to their therapist.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, like it’s been a real picnic for me. Fine, we’ll start at the beginning.”


* * * * *


“Bloody hell, watch where you’re going!”

Buffy scowled at the boy who had the nerve to crash into her, then blame her for it. “Excuse me? You’re the one that wasn’t paying attention, nearly knocking me over in the process. I should sue your ass.”

William was taken aback, not used to dealing with such a spitfire of a woman. Usually they got all blushy in his presence and he couldn't help but liking her already. “Sorry, I can see we got off on the wrong foot. I’m William Pratt, just moved here from England.”

She ignored his outstretched hand. “Buffy Summers, the pleasure is all yours.”

William grinned, he really liked this girl.


* * * * *


“Stop being such a bloody git, you can do this. Great, I’m talking to myself now.”

“Talking to yourself? That’s a true sign of insanity,” Buffy commented with a grin.

Spike smiled at his lady love, taking a deep breath before approaching her. “Just giving myself a pep talk, I needed all the encouragement I could get for this.”

Buffy gasped when he got down on one knee, pulling out a diamond ring in a black box. “I love you, Buffy. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Tears were clouding her vision, but there was no hesitation in her answer. “Yes, of course I will.”

He smiled, placing the ring on her finger, then enveloping her in a big hug. “You’ll never regret this, baby. We’re going to be so happy together.”


* * * * *


Buffy was broken out of her musings at the sound of Spike’s cell going off, rolling her eyes when he answered it.

“Agent Pratt,” he said, listening to his partner on the other end, then nodding his head. “Okay, I’ll be right there.” Spike flipped his phone shut, turning his attention back on the others. “There’s a robbery downtown, I have to get going. We can reschedule, right?”

Tara nodded. “Yes, of course.”

Spike gave Buffy one more glance, then walked out of the office.

She let out a sigh at his departure. “Now you see what I’ve had to deal with.”

“I could imagine it must be difficult, putting up with a husband that has such a risky job. I’m sure it must be scary at times.”

Buffy shrugged. “I guess. I know he’s good at his job, but lately it seems to be all he cares about. He saved the life of some harlot a few weeks ago. Since then she’s been constantly around him, being all flirty even when I’m there. We got into a huge fight because of her. I could tell how much he loved the attention, and he just accused me of being jealous. Well, I think when your husband flirts with another woman; you have a right to be. Not that I thought anything was going on, but we haven’t been so close lately. He’s out working late a lot of the time, there’s no telling what else he’s doing. If this was a couple of years ago, I never once would have doubted Spike, but things are different now. I feel like I don’t even know who he is anymore.”

Tara took it all in. “Let’s discuss when the problems really started. Can you tell me about Samantha? I know it must be a difficult subject, so I would understand if you don’t feel up to talking about it.”

Yes, it was a hard subject, but Buffy felt that it was about time she got her feelings out.


* * * * *


“There’s something I need to tell you, and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”

Spike sat on the couch, worried about why she was so serious. “You can tell me anything, love.”

Buffy sat down across from him, taking in a long breath. “I’ve been feeling nauseous lately, so I went to the doctor’s. They just called back with my results and, well, I’m pregnant.”

Once the shock wore off, a smile lit up his handsome features. “You’re pregnant? I’m going to be a father?”

Buffy nodded, squealing in surprise when he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off the ground a little.

“You’ve made me the happiest man on earth, sweetheart. I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.”

She relaxed in his embrace, glad to see that he was taking the news so well. They hadn’t really talked about children, so she was relieved by his reaction, even though a part of her didn’t think she was ready for this yet.


* * * * *


“God, she sure is doing a number on my bladder. Only two more months to go, and it can’t come soon enough.”

Spike smiled fondly at his wife. “Come on, aren’t you going to miss being pregnant?”

Buffy raised her eyebrows. “Are you kidding me? I ache everywhere, I haven’t been able to see my feet in weeks, and I can’t stop going to the bathroom. You try having the kid and see how you feel about it.”

He chuckled, placing his hand over her bulging belly. “You’ll be here soon, Samantha, but until then, try to take it easy on your mum.”

Buffy could feel the baby start to calm down inside of her, which usually happened whenever she heard Spike’s soothing voice. He was going to be a great father; Buffy just wished she could be that sure she'd be a good mother herself.


* * * * *


Spike paced the waiting room of the hospital, feeling beyond nervous. Buffy had begun with contractions three weeks early and there'd be some kind of difficulty, so he was asked to wait outside. He wanted nothing more than to be in there with her, holding her hand. Spike glanced up just in time to see the doctor head in his direction, moving over to him in a hurry.

“What happened? Is my wife okay? Is the baby all right?”

The doctor looked at him sadly, shaking his head. “I’m sorry; we did all that we could.”

With those words said, Spike felt his entire world collapse.


* * * * *


He held the shaking form of his wife, not knowing what else to do. No words would be much of a comfort right now.

“She was so tiny,” Buffy whispered a moment later. “She was just laying there, she wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t protect her enough.”

Spike pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Shhh, just rest now, this wasn’t your fault. Sam knew how much you loved her.”

Buffy shook her head as more tears fell from her eyes. “It wasn’t enough.”


* * * * *


Tara handed Buffy a tissue, which she took with a small smile.

Buffy wiped at her eyes, not even realizing that she was crying. “I’m sorry, I guess it was harder to relive than I thought.”

“That’s perfectly understandable, is that when everything started to fall apart?”

She nodded. “I wanted to keep busy after that. I guess Spike felt the same way, he was always working. We drifted apart after that. The loss of a child is supposed to bring you closer together, but I guess it was the opposite for us. We were always fighting; sometimes we just didn’t even talk to each other at all. It was my idea to file for divorce, and Spike just went along with it. He said that maybe it would be for the best. I guess I was hoping that he would fight more for this marriage, for me, but I can’t even get him to sit through a full therapy session.” Buffy stood up, giving Tara one more look. “Thanks for the help, but I don’t think we’ll be coming here anymore. I guess this marriage really is over.”

Tara watched with a heavy heart as Buffy left, hoping that she and her husband would manage to work things out on their own.

Chapter 2

Buffy arrived home about an hour later, not surprised to find that Spike was still out. She decided to keep herself busy by cleaning the house up a bit, which took all of twenty minutes. Once she was finished, a knock sounded at the front door. Buffy went to answer it, raising her eyebrows at the sight of Spike’s partner.

“What are you doing here, Angel? Spike isn’t back yet; I thought he was with you.”

The dark haired man shook his head. “There’s been an accident, Buffy. He’s in the hospital.”

Buffy found it hard to breathe after that, one of her worst fears coming to life at hearing those words.


* * * * *


She reached his hospital room, only to stop at the sight of a familiar blonde woman sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Are you kidding me?” Buffy asked no one in particular, causing the woman to gaze up at her.

“Oh, Betty, I see you finally made it. I heard about my Blondie Bear and just had to see if he was okay.”

Buffy clenched her fists at her side, trying hard not to cause a scene. “He’s not your anything, Harmony. Get the hell away from my husband; you have no right to be here.”

Harmony didn’t even seem fazed by her anger, only shrugging in response. “Not like he’ll be your husband for much longer. Besides, I think he would want me to be here.”

Well, that did it. Buffy flung at the other woman, grabbing her by the shirt and tossing her away from the bed. “He’s still my husband, you pathetic homewrecker. You come near him again, and I won’t be held responsible for what I do to you.”

Harmony scowled at her. “You crazy bitch, no wonder he wants to be rid of you. When my Spikey is all better, he’s gonna be really mad that you were mean to me.”

Buffy watched as she stomped out of the room, trying to control her heavy breathing. If they weren’t in a hospital, Buffy wouldn’t have stopped until she beat the skank to a bloody pulp. A soft chuckle brought her back to reality.

“God, I don’t know how much longer I could have pretended to be unconscious, but that was bloody brilliant.”

Buffy gave him a small smile, sitting in the chair next to his bed. “Yeah, well, she had it coming. How are you feeling?”

He shrugged. “Not bad for a man that was shot, luckily it was just my shoulder.”

“I’ve always been afraid this would happen,” she whispered.

Spike grasped her hand in his. “Comes with the job description, but there’s nothing I can’t handle. It’ll take more than one bullet to get rid of me. I’m sorry for ditching therapy again, we can reschedule for next week.”

Buffy shook her head, taking in a deep breath. “I told Tara we won’t be coming back. There’s just no real point in it, Spike. Our hearts are just not in this marriage anymore, why even bother trying to change that?”

“Buffy…” he started, but was cut off by her.

“You don’t need to say anything, but when you get better, we really need to talk. I think it’s long overdue. I’ll stop by later, you need your rest.” She stood, placing a quick kiss to his forehead, then leaving the room.

Spike watched her go, a sad expression taking over his features.


* * * * *


Buffy helped him into the house a couple days later, being careful not to hurt his injured shoulder, which was now in a cast.

“I can’t believe I have to be out of work for about a month.”

She led him over to the couch. “Just be thankful you’re alive, work will still be there.”

He nodded and sat down, resting his head on the back of the sofa.

“I should leave you alone; let me know if you need anything.”

Spike grabbed her arm before she could walk away. “Sit with me for a while, we can have that talk.”

“We don’t have to do it now; you just got out of the hospital.”

Spike shrugged. “Now’s as good a time as any, I’m not going anywhere.”

Buffy let out the breath she’d been holding and sat next to him. “Do you ever think about her?”

He didn’t even need to ask who she was referring to. “Every bloody second.”

“We haven’t talked much since it happened, but I feel like it was my fault.”

Spike shook his head. “I told you, Buffy, nothing was your fault. Bad things just happen, there’s nothing that could have been done about it.”

Buffy wouldn’t accept that. “I was scared, Spike. Scared to death of being a mother, I was nowhere near ready for that kind of responsibility. I think she died because of me, because a part of me didn’t want her enough to keep her here,” she admitted, tears streaming down her face.

Spike felt tears of his own start to form. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”

She wiped at her eyes. “I saw how happy you were to be a father; I didn’t want to upset you. I was just hoping it would eventually go away. That I would learn to love the idea of being a mother, but I always had doubts.”

He smiled sadly. “I had doubts, too. I was bloody terrified, but I knew that no matter what happened, we would be great parents. I never once doubted that.”

More tears fell now, and she didn’t care to hide them. “What happened to us? You remember how happy we were? How did we let everything get to this point? Do you even love me anymore?”

Spike was shocked that she could even ask him that. “Of course I still love you, I could never stop. You’ve always been my world, baby. I was just afraid that you stopped loving me.”

She shook her head, sobbing uncontrollably now. “I could never stop.”

“That works out nicely, then.”

Buffy agreed, nuzzling the hand that was caressing her cheek.

Spike took a deep breath before speaking again. “I don’t want a divorce, Buffy. I never wanted that, I just went along with it because I figured it was what you wanted. That you wanted to be free of me, so I was willing to give it to you. My whole life, I’ve never loved anyone as much as you. I’m not about to give up on this marriage. Remember the promises we made? That no matter what happened, we would be together forever. That no matter how much we fought, we would let nothing tear us apart.”

She nodded, laughing through her tears. “That we would grow old together and die peacefully in our sleep, holding hands. God, we were so corny back then.”

He laughed as well. “Corny, yes, but it’s still what I want.”

Buffy gazed deeply into his eyes. “I want that, too.”

Spike snatched up the divorce papers that were lying on the coffee table, still yet to be signed. “Would you do the honors, love?”

She took the papers from him and in one swift motion, tore them in half, throwing the pieces to the floor.

Spike smiled. “That’s my girl,” he claimed, moving closer and placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I love you,” he whispered.

Buffy shut her eyes in pure bliss. “I love you, too. Always and forever.”


* * * * *


“Can I do it, Mommy? Please?”

Buffy smiled fondly at her daughter. “Sure, baby, go ahead.”

The little girl took the flowers from her mother, placing them down in front of the tombstone. “I hope you like them, Sammy. I picked them myself.”

Buffy hugged the girl to her. “She’ll love them, Cassie.”

Spike picked his angel up, only six-years-old and had one of the biggest hearts. A few years ago they finally told her about her sister, ever since then, she kept begging to go visit Samantha. They figured it was about time the two girls were introduced. Spike carried his little girl out of the cemetery, his hand clutching Buffy’s in the process.

Buffy glanced at her daughter, a smile on her face. “So, Cassie, how would you feel about a new addition to the family?”

A giddy expression took over the child’s features. “Are we getting a puppy!?”

Buffy laughed. “Not exactly,” she stated, taking the hand that she was holding and placing it over her belly, noticing Spike’s eyes widen in response.

“Are you sure?” he wondered.

She nodded. “I just found out last week.”

Spike smiled and if he wasn’t holding a child, would have jumped for joy and twirled his wife around. She really did make him the happiest man on earth.

They had a long road ahead of them and not all their problems were solved, but the one thing that would never change was their love for each other. As long as they had that, they could take on anything.

The End