“I don’t know what it is Will, but I get this really weird feeling ever time I’m around her, it’s like…it’s hard to explain, but…it’s like she’s mine. Like she belongs to me…”

“Well, there is an amulet you can use, I can find it for you, but, it puts you in this kind of trance. You put it on, and it lets you see things. Auras, spells, that kind of thing.”

“Ok, Will, you find the amulet, while I go and pick up Dawn from school. We’ll swing by on our way back. Will that give you enough time?”

“Ya, I’ll do it right now. No problem.”

“Thanks Will.” Buffy then turned to walk out the door.

“Oh, and Buffy!” Willow called, a causing Buffy to turn around.

“Go easy on her. She’s had a really rough time of it.” Buff’s face softened.

“I know. I will.”

“Hey Dawn!” Buffy called from the drivers seat of Joyce’s SUV.

“Hey Buffy!” Dawn called happily as she walked towards the car with some of her friends.

“Guys, this is Buffy.”

“The one your dad has the hots for?” One for her friends asked.

Buffy blushed deeply. “Dawn! Your father would kill you if he ever heard you saying stuff like that!” Buffy chastised.

Dawn just shrugged before saying goodbye to her friends and hopping into the front seat.

“I’m serious Dawn. Spike would probably blame me if he ever heard you saying stuff like that. Ok?”

“Ya, ok.” Buffy nodded. “I wont say stuff like that in front of him.” Dawn finished with a smirk.

“Why you!” Buffy twisted in her seat as her hands attacked Dawn’s sides.

“Ah!” Dawn squealed. “Ok…ok…I…Ah!...I give! I give!” she managed to gasp through her giggles.

“That’s better.” Buffy said triumphantly, starting the car and pulling out of the school parking lot.

“Hey Buffy?”

“Ya?”

“When did you learn to drive? Thought that you and cars were unmixy things.” Buffy smiled over at her.

“Ya, I kind of never told any of the gang, but after the Band Candy incident, mom and I decided that I should get my license. Just in case.”

“In case of what?” Dawn asked in all innocence. Buffy gave her a sad smile. “In case there was no one else.”

“Oh” Dawn said looking down at her hands.

“Hey Dawnie?” Buffy said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Ya?” Dawn lifted her head to look at her.

“Your friends seem really nice. You know, if you ever wanted to have them over, your more than welcome.”

Dawn’s face lit up. “Really Buffy? You mean that?”

“Of course Dawnie. Friends and frivolous fun are the building blocks of young adult hood.” Buffy smiled, and winked at her out of the corner of her eye.

“Thanks Buffy! You are like, the coolest mo-slayer ever!” Buffy smiled big. Both of them noticed Dawn’s slip, but neither of them commented on it.

“Why thank you. I try.” Dawn grinned back. “Oh. That reminds me, I have to pick something up at the magic box. Do you mind if we swing in there real quick?”

“Cool, can I come in?”

Buffy shrugged. “Sure, if you want to. I’m just picking something up from Willow, so we wont be long.”

“That’s cool.”

Buffy parked the car and the two girls headed inside.

“Don’t break anything.” Buffy cautioned as the bell to the shop rang overhead.

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Yes mother.” She had meant it to sound sarcastic, but it came out more as playful.

Buffy laughed, and brushed her hand through Dawn’s hair. “Go on, I’ll call when Will and I are done.”

“Ok” she said, prancing off to another part of the shop.

“Hey Will?” Buffy called.

“Back here Buffy!” Will’s voice floated from the training room.

“Did you find the amulet?”

“Yep, all you have to do is put it on and it will show you everything.”

“This is so great Will. Thanks so much.”

“Don’t worry about it Buffy. You know I would do anything for Dawn. I mean, I may not love Spike, of even like Dru. But she’s a good kid, you know? Despite it all.”

“I know what you mean Wills. I love having her around. Especially with mom in the hospital, braking up with Riley, and everything with Spike…I’m just really glad I have her, you know? I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t.”

“How is the Spike thing going?” Willow asked as they both sat down on a couch in the training room.

Buffy sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Honestly, Wills? I don’t know what I’m doing any more. I mean, what is wrong with me that I have to be attracted to someone who hates me? I mean, Riley loved me and I couldn’t love him. Spike hates me, and I think I’m falling for him.”

Buffy didn’t realize that there where tears in her eyes until she was weeping. “Why Wills! Why do I let him treat me this way, and still crave him! How can you love someone when they hate you?”

Buffy cried on Willow’s lap, as she stroked she hair. “What’s wrong with me Wills?”

Buffy asked in a little voice that broke Willow’s heart. “Oh, Buffy. No! There’s nothing wrong with you. You can’t think like that. If he can’t see how wonderful you are, than it’s his loss.”

Buffy looked up at her with red puffy eyes. “But I don’t want him to lose Wills, I want him to win. First place, blue ribbon, and complimentary turtle wax.”

Willow smiled at that.

“I could do a spell?” Immediately Buffy shook her head.

“No, that would be almost as bad as him hating me. To have him pretend to love me…no, I think that would be worse. At least with him hating me, I know the feelings are real. Sometimes…sometimes I think…I think maybe I should just…should just give up…I mean…I know I’ve done some bad things…but…I don’t think I deserve this much pain.”

Buffy knew that if she looked up at Willow’s face, all she would see would be pity. “Don’t look at me like that Wills.”

Willow ducked her head to hide her eyes. “I’m sorry Buffy, I don’t know what to say to make this better.”

“You don’t need to say anything. Just being here, and letting me talk to you without judgment is enough. I don’t know what I would do without you Wills.”

Willow smiled. “And you’ll never have to find out.”

Buff smiled, as she wiped her eyes. The two of them stood up and walked towards the door.

“Buffy.” Willow placed her hand on her shoulder, to stop her from leaving the room. “I know it doesn’t look like it right know. But you have to believe that someday, it will be better.”

“I do Wills. But I don’t know how much longer I can live with this fear.”

Willow paused. “What fear? Buffy, has Spike hurt you?”

Buffy looked up sharply. “You mean physically?”

Willow nodded.

“No. No, Spike hasn’t touched me since…well, since your “My Will Be Done” spell.”

“Than what fear Buffy?”

Buffy looked down and wrapped her arms around her self. “I know it’s stupid. I know she’s not mine. But…every morning, I wake up with this aching in my chest, and I can’t help but wonder if this is the day that he’s going to take her from me.”

“Who? Dawn? You’re afraid that Spike’s going to take Dawn from you?”

Wordlessly Buffy nodded. “I can’t help but wonder if, one day, he’s going to wake up, and realize that he doesn’t trust me with his daughter. I don’t know what I would do Wills. I mean, I know she isn’t mine, but…she feels like she is, you know? She feels like she’s my daughter. And I don’t know what I would do if he ever took her away from me.”

“Do you really think he would do that?”

Buffy gave Willow a pitiful look. “How long would you leave your daughter in the care of someone you hate?”

Willow nodded in understanding. “Ya, I see what you mean.”

Buffy shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. “I shouldn’t think this way. I have this time to spend with her. I shouldn’t be wasting it.” Buffy said, lifting her head and wiping her eyes again. “I’m all red and splotchy aren’t I?” Buffy asked with a small smile.

Willow smiled back. “Just a little.”

“K, I’m just going to make a quick stop in the washroom and clean up a little bit. I can’t let Dawn see that I’ve been crying. Would you mind keeping her company for a sec?”

“Sure Buffy, no problem.”

“Thanks Will. I’ll be quick. It’s spaghetti and meat ball night.” Buffy grinned.

Willow smiled sadly as Buffy turned away to head to the washroom.

“Hey Buffy.” Willow called after her causing her to stop and look back over her shoulder. “I know that you’ll never get the chance, but…you would make a great mom.”

Buffy smiled, and managed to hold back the tears in her eyes. “Thanks Wills.”

Willow nodded, and they went their separate ways.


Nether of the girls noticed the shadow race away from the training room door, and into the front of the shop.

“Dawn?” she heard Willow call her name, and knew that hadn’t seen her eavesdropping.

“Here!” Dawn said, walking towards the back research table.

“Dawnie, are you ok?” Willow asked rushing over to her.

Dawn reached up to touch her face and noticed the tears for the first time. “Oh ya, I’m fine, I was just going through some of the powders in the front and one of them made my eyes sting.” Dawn said, thinking quickly.

Willow’s shoulders sagged. “Oh, ok, oh good.” Willow smiled. “So, I hear it spaghetti and meat ball night, Buffy said it’s your favorite?”

“Oh ya! Buffy makes awesome spaghetti and meatballs, she even makes extra blood sauce for if Dad ever drops by. He never does, but she always says ‘just in case’, and makes it anyway.” Dawn said, putting her head down.

Dawn had never really realized how hard Buffy tried. She suddenly felt horrible for how she had treated Buffy in the past, and, for the first time in her life, she was truly ashamed of her father’s actions. No one, especially not Buffy, deserved to be treated the way they had been treating her on a daily basis. For the life of her, Dawn couldn’t understand why Buffy loved her.

She didn’t deserve it.

Seeing the look on Dawn’s face, Willow tried to lighten the mood. “I still can’t get over the fact that Buffy can cook.”

Dawn took the bait, and Willow smiled further.

“What do you mean?” Dawn asked.

“Well, Buffy and the kitchen have never really gotten along. There was one time, when Joyce was away on a buying trip, and Buffy decided that she was going to make something for dinner, instead of ordering out. She figured that soup was the easiest possible thing to make, so she filled the pot up with water, and put it on the stove. All of a sudden, Buffy gets an urgent call from Giles about some new vamp nest that has to be taken care of pronto. So Buffy grabs her coat and a stake, and does some major but woppen’ to that nest of vamps. She gets home about an hour later to a house full of smoke. Here she had put the pot of water on the stove and forgot to turn it off before she left the house!” Willow and Dawn were laughing so hard that neither of them noticed Buffy enter the room.

“And just what exactly is so funny?” Buffy asked with her hands on her hips.

“You burnt the water?!” Dawn managed to squeak out between her laughter.

Buffy’s face turned red. “Willow! I can’t believe you told her that! Oh, great, now I’m never going to hear the end of this.” Buffy huffed, throwing her hands up in the air.

“How…how do you…burn water?” Dawn asked through her giggles.

Buffy raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms. “I could let you cook dinner tonight, and let you learn for yourself.”

The thought of cooking for herself, and missing out on spaghetti and meatball night sobered Dawn quickly. “No thank you. I’m sorry.”

Buffy smiled at her, before turning her scowl at the witch. “And just for that, I’m not going to label the sauces tonight. If you want any, you’ll just have to guess which one isn’t blood.” Buffy smiled smugly.

“Aww, Buffyyyy!” Willow whined.

“Night Will’s.”

“Night Buffy. Sweet dreams Dawnie.”

“Night Willow!”

During the ride home, to Buffy’s house, Dawn reflected on the conversation she had heard in the training room.

After five minutes of absolute quiet, and no answers to her questions, Dawn decided to come right out and ask.

“Buffy?”

“Ya?” she replied, not taking her eyes off the road.

“Do you love me?” Buffy turned her head to look at the little girl beside her.

“Of course I do. What would make you think I didn’t?” Dawn put her head down to hide her flushed face.

“Well…Dad said-“ Buffy’s grip tightened on the steering weal, to the point where she bent the plastic.

“Dawn Michelle Jameson! You listen to me. Your father may know a lot of things, but one thing he has never, and will never know, is how I feel! Don’t you ever let him tell you that I don’t love you.”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy calmed herself, and relaxed her hands on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” She said in a calming voice, releasing one hand to run it over Dawn’s hair.

“What made you ask that, anyway?” Buffy asked putting her hand back on the wheel as she turned down the street.

“Nothing really. You know how my mind wonders.” Dawn said lightly.

Buffy knew that there was more to it, but decided not to push.

“Ok.” She said, pulling into the driveway.

“Why don’t you start on your home work, while I get dinner started.” Buffy said, as they entered the house, and hung up their coats.

“Are you sure you can handle all of that boiling water?” Dawn said with a smirk.

“Why you…” Buffy mock threatened, giving her a playful swat on the butt as Dawn ran, giggling, all the way up the stairs.

When she reached the top she turned, and saw Buffy putting both of their shoes away, in the closet.

“Hey Buffy?”

“Ya?” she answered, turning around.

“I love you too.” Buffy smiled, and fought the tears that sprang to her eyes.

They stood there, looking at each other for another moment, before Dawn smiled, and bounced off to her room.

It wasn’t until dinner was ready, and she was about to call Dawn down to eat, that Buffy remembered the amulet that Willow had given her.

Reaching into her pocket, Buffy pulled it out and examined it.

It was a big gaudy thing with a beautiful amber stone in the middle, and surrounded by twisted pieces of thin and thick plates of gold.

“Well, let’s see what this thing can do.” Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Buffy slid the amulet over her head and opened her eyes.

“Whoa.” Buffy said, looking at the change in color, and perception.

‘This is like a bad acid trip. Or a good one, depending on how you look at it.’ Buffy quipped.

Looking around her, the first thing Buffy noticed was the back door.

She could see the natural barrier that the house provided against uninvited vamps and looking closer, she noticed what looked to be a silver handprint just above the doorframe.

‘Those must be Spike’s invite.’ She speculated.

Turning around, Buffy headed out of the kitchen and into the main foyer.

Again she saw the barrier, and again saw Spike’s silver hand print. But that was all that was the same.

Buffy had an almost instant feeling of dread, when she looked over to the coat rack, and watched as Dawn’s coat flickered in and out of sight.

“No.” she said out loud, watching as her shoes did the same. ‘Oh please God no.’ she pleaded in her head.

Slowly, Buffy turned to make her way up stairs; her feet heavy, as her brain told her what her heart said couldn’t be true.

As slowly as humanly possible, Buffy reached for the doorknob of Dawn’s room, stealing herself for what she might find on the other side, Buffy took a deep breath, and pushed it open.

It took her a moment to fully process what she was seeing.

There, lying on the bed on her stomach, with her homework laid out in front of her, was Dawn.

Unlike everything else in the house, Dawn was perfectly clear, and in normal color, except for the gold, silver and green that surrounded, and laced thru her.

Again, Buffy watched in horror as all of Dawn’s positions flickered in and out of existence.

Buffy could have sobbed when the thing that had been parading around as a little girl turned to look at her before getting off the bed.

“What are you?” Buffy asked in a hurt and angry tone.

“What?” Dawn asked, coming closer.

“What are you?! Why are you here?!” Buffy screamed, backing up into a fighting stance.

Dawn was looking at her with hurt, frightened eyes.

“Buffy…I don’t understand…don’t you want me here?” Dawn asked. She risked taking another step closer, and realized too late, that it was a mistake.

Quicker than Dawn’s eyes could follow, Buffy had grabbed her by the arms, and slammed her into the closet door.

“Your get the hell out of here. You’re not my family, and you’re not welcome here.”

“Buffy please, you’re hurting me!” Dawn cried, but Buffy forced herself not to hear. She had to keep reminding herself that this was not Dawn. This was some demon or spirit.

“You think it’s fun to play with people’s emotions? You think-” Buffy was abruptly cut off by a punch to the side of her head which sent her crashing into Dawn’s desk.

“Buffy!” she could vaguely hear someone call her name, but she didn’t have time to get her bearings before she felt her self being lifted up by a strong hand around her throat.

Trying to gasp for breath, Buffy clawed at the hand, while kicking her legs.

She could no longer hear anything but the blood rushing through her ears.

The next thing she knew, the hand had released her, and she had half a second to suck air back into her lungs before it was pushed out of her again.

Dawn watched on in horror, as Buffy lay in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs.

“Buffy!” Dawn yelled, racing down to kneel at her side.

Buffy flinched when Dawn reached out to touch her, but relaxed when she realized that the girl didn’t mean to hurt her.

Ever so carefully, Dawn helped Buffy sit up, and lean against the doorframe.

Both Buffy and Dawn turned to look at the person coming down the stairs.

Buffy couldn’t look at him.

Turning her head to the side, Buffy caught her reflection in the window and gasped.

Despite the dizzy feeling the blow to the head was still causing her to have, Buffy’s head whipped quickly from her reflection, to Dawn.

“Oh god.” Buffy breathed. “Oh God, what have I done.”

As quickly as her sore muscles would allow, Buffy picked herself off the ground, and dashed into the kitchen.

“Dawn. Go get your stuff. We’re leaving.” Dawn wanted to argue, but one look at his face, and she thought better of it.

Without saying a word, Dawn walked back up the stairs, careful not to touch him on her way past.

‘How could he do that to her? Couldn’t he see that there was something wrong with her? Didn’t he even care a little?’ Dawn asked herself as she made her way back to her room.

She didn’t notice the tears that were running down her face.

Spike hade never felt so angry in all of his years of existence.

He had trusted her.

As the Power’s Slayer.

As the ultimate good guy.

She was the only person aside from himself that he had ever trusted with his daughter.

Not even Dru, and she was the girls mother for god’s sake! Clenching his fists and jaw, Spike entered the kitchen.

When he entered, he found Buffy with her back against the fridge, and her arms crossed protectively across her chest.

She had her head down, and he could smell her tears.

But he didn’t care.

Spike ignored the deep pang in his chest when he noticed the bruise taking up one side of her face, and the handprint around her neck.

“I hate you.” Spike said in a tone that left no doubt to his words.

Buffy looked up at him with stricken eyes.

Again, Spike felt the knife twist in his hart, and again he ignored it.

Looking deep into her eyes, and speaking in a strong voice, Spike uttered three words that he never could have imagined himself saying to another being.

“You’re beneath me.”

Idly, Spike wondered if the look she now wore on her face was the same one he had the night those awful words had been said to him.

Without another look, Spike walked out the back door and stood on the porch, waiting for Dawn.

Almost ten minutes later Dawn finally entered the kitchen, with her backpack, and duffle bag over her shoulder, to see Buffy crouched down in a ball in front of the fridge with her knees pulled up to her chin.

“Buffy?” Dawn reached out hesitantly.

Buffy looked up at the sound of her name.

When she realized that it was Dawn who had spoken, she lowered her eyes and turned her head to the side.

Dawn gasped when she saw the bruise on the side of her head, and the soft trickle of blood that was trailing down her neck.

“Um…your-your father is outside.” Buffy’s voice was soft and horse from crying. “You…you should go…” Her voice was so soft that Dawn had to strain to hear it.

Sparing a quick glance to the back door, and not seeing Spike anywhere, Dawn quickly made her way over to Buffy’s huddled form and helped her to her feet.

As soon as Buffy was on her feet, and steady, she pulled Dawn in for a strong hug.

“I’m sorry Dawn. I’m so sorry.” Buffy cried, hiding her face in Dawn’s hair.

Pulling back slightly so she could see her face, Buffy gently tucked a strand of hair behind Dawn’s ear.

“Dawnie, you have to know that I would never intentionally hurt you right? You know that I would never let anyone hurt you.” Dawn nodded, and pulled Buffy back in for a tight hug.

“I know Buffy. What was it?” Dawn asked, referring to what had happened to her before.

Buffy looked down, at the chain still around her neck.

Gently extracting her arms from Dawn, Buffy reached up and pulled the necklace from her neck.

“It’s called the Gem of Sight” Buffy explained, placing the trinket in Dawn’s hands.

“What does it do?” taking the amulet back, Buffy held it up as though to put it around Dawn’s head.

“It shows things that can’t be seen with the naked or untrained eye. Auras, spells, barriers, that kind of stuff.” Buffy explained before putting it around Dawns neck.

Dawn opened her eyes, she hadn’t realized she had shut them, and gasped when she looked at Buffy.

“Buffy…you’re beautiful.” Dawn said in an awed tone.

Buffy gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You should look in the mirror.” Was Buffy’s cryptic reply.

Dawn gave Buffy a weird look, but did as she suggested, and went to find the mirror in the front hallway.

“Buffy!” Dawn gasped as she took in her reflection.

Through the mirror, Dawn could clearly see Buffy standing just behind her. She could also see why Buffy had flipped out on her earlier.

“Buffy…what’s wrong with me?” Dawn asked in a small voice.

Buffy came up and wrapped her arms around the little girl.

“I don’t know Dawnie. But don’t worry ok? I’ll have the gang check it out first thing tomorrow, everything’s going to be fine. We’ll figure out what’s going on. And who knows, maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s just who you are, I mean…look at your parents.” Buffy joked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

Buffy didn’t even realize what she had said until Dawn pulled back from her slightly and looked into her eyes.

“I am.”

It took Buffy a moment to follow what she was talking about. Buffy’s eyes teared up and she let them fall before she could hold them back.

Gathering Dawn up in her arms, Buffy once again found herself crying into Dawn’s hair.

“I love you Dawnie.” Buffy whispered, stroking her hair.

“I love you too Buffy.” Dawn said, squeezing Buffy around the waist tighter and snuggling deeper into her embrace.

“Dawn!” Spike’s harsh voice broke the moment, and Dawn was heartbroken to feel Buffy flinch away from her at the sound.

“If you ever need anything. From either myself, or the Scoobies, all you have to do is ask. No matter what, we’re all here for you. Always.” Buffy whispered to her urgently.

Both of them could hear him coming into the house, and through the kitchen towards them.

Dawn quickly tried to wipe the tears off her face, as Buffy quickly put more distance between them.

Spike walked into the room. He took in the tears in his daughter’s eyes, and then Buffy’s guilty form and drew the wrong conclusions.

“What the fuck did you do now?” Spike asked, gripping Buffy’s arm hard enough to bruise. “Some defender of the helpless you are, attacking little girls. You’re disgusting.” He sneered at her.

This time, Buffy didn’t flinch at his grip, and she shielded herself off from his harsh words.

Buffy raised her head to look him dead in the eye, unconscious of the tears running down her cheeks.

“Go to hell, William.” She said in a soft, dead tone.

Sneering at her again, Spike carelessly tossed her into the wall, turning a deaf ear to her pained grunt as she hit the wall.

“Buffy!” The sound of Buffy hitting the wall woke her from the stupor her father’s sudden presence and cruelty had caused.

She couldn’t believe the things her dad was saying. She had never known him to be unnecessarily cruel, even when he was the big bad.

Before Spike could think of stopping her, Dawn rushed to Buffy’s side.

“Buffy?” Dawn said, nudging her.

When Buffy didn’t move, or make a sound, Dawn got scared; it took a lot to knock out the Slayer.

“Mommy?” she whispered, again trying to nudge Buffy awake.

Dawn didn’t care whether or not Spike heard her.

For the first time in her life, Dawn could actually say that she hated her father.

The sound of Buffy’s moan pulled Dawn from her thoughts.

“Mom? Are you ok?” Dawn was surprised at how easily the term came to her.

When she had been smaller, and her and Spike had still been living with Dru, Dawn had never felt comfort able with using the term, but now it came easy.

Naturally.

Dawn couldn’t help but smile.

“Ya Dawnie…I’ll be fine.” Buffy groaned, pushing herself up to lean against the wall.

“I suppose two major blows to the head, in the same spot, isn’t really conductive to healthy living.” Buffy quipped; she placed her hand on the back of her head, and groaned when it came away covered in blood.

Dawn gasped when she saw the Buffy’s hand covered in red, and not for the first time, wondered what Buffy had ever done to deserve this.

“It’s ok Dawnie. I’m ok.” Buffy reassured her, running her un-bloodied hand over Dawn’s head.

“Dawnie would you mind doing me a favor, and bring me the-“

“No.” Spike’s voice rang out again.

Both Buffy and Dawn looked up at him.

One pair of striking light blue eyes, looking at him with something akin to hate.

The other, a pair of sparkling emerald and forest green full of disappointment.

“Dawn. Get your things. We’re leaving.”

“No!” Dawn yelled, standing up to face her father. “She’s hurt! And she needs help!”

Spike looked coldly down on Buffy.

“She doesn’t deserve help.”

Dawn looked at Spike like she had ever seen him before.

Seeing the look on his daughter’s face, Spike relented half a fraction. “Besides, she’s a big girl; she can take care of her self.” He said shrugging.

“He’s right Dawn.” Both Dawn and Spike turned from each other and looked at Buffy in surprise as she slowly raised her self up off the ground for the second time that night. “I am a big girl. And I can take care of my self. And he is your father, you belong with him.”

“But Buffy…!” Dawn started to protest, but Buffy raised her hand to stop her.

Giving Dawn a soft, loving look, Buffy explained; “Yes Dawn, I am, and I always will be. But only you and Willow will ever know the truth. I…I can’t do it, Dawn. Please, try to understand.”

Dawn nodded. “I know.” She said softly.

Turning, Dawn went to leave the room to collect her discarded bags, when Buffy’s voice stopped her.

“Dawn…the necklace.” Buffy said, reaching out her hand. Dawn’s eyes went wide and almost fearful.

“But, Buffy! No…this could…” Dawn trailed off as she looked into Buffy’s sad, pain filled eyes.

Buffy shook her head. “It’s too late.” She said, brushing her fingers across Dawns cheek.

“I’m sorry Dawn.”

Dawn nodded. “I know. I’m sorry too. I love you mom.” Dawn said, hugging Buffy tight around the waist.

“I love you too Dawnie.” Buffy replied, holding her tight.

“Remember.” Buffy said pulling back slightly. “The Scoobies and I will always be here for you. No matter what happens.”

Dawn nodded before giving Buffy one last hug, and heading out the door to where her father was waiting.

“Hey Dawn?” Buffy called out just before she reached the door. Dawn turned back to her. “Try to sneak away every once and a while, K? And that friend invitation still stands.” Dawn smiled widely, and nodded her head.

“Bye Buffy.”

“See you later Dawnie.”

“Buffy?” Willow called, entering the house minutes later.

“In here, Wills.” Answered a voice from the kitchen that sounded decidedly nothing like Buffy’s usual assured tone.

“Oh goodness! What happened?” Willow asked, rushing into the kitchen and up to the counter.

Willow took in Buffy’s profile and the bruise that took up the entire side of her face.

Buffy said nothing as she finished applying the last butterfly stitch to the cut on her forehead.

Not saying another word, Willow moved around the counter and emptied the boll of bloody water into the sink, then turned back to pack up the First Aid Kit.

Willow absently noticed the cooling, untouched, pots of spaghetti and sauce, as well as the moderate amount of special sauce made especially for Dawn…and Spike.

Willow felt tears for her friend’s pain come to her eyes, but pushed them down before turning around. “Buffy?”

Buffy lifted her head briefly, and Willow was nearly overwhelmed by the pain in her friend’s eyes, before looking back down at the kitchen counter.

“Willow. I need you to do me a favor.” Buffy managed in a steady voice.

“Of course, Buffy, anything.” Willow said, moving back around the counter to sit beside her.

“I need you to do a dis-invite on the house.”

Willow was confused for a moment, “but Buffy, why would you need a dis-invite? The only vamp that has access is Sp-” Willow’s eyes opened wide with realization and shock.

The room was filled with silence for a few moments, and neither woman noticed the lone figure step onto the back porch.

Spike was about to enter the house when Buffy’s voice stopped him.

“I loved him, Wills.”

‘Talken’ ‘bout Peaches, or Captain Cardboard as usual.’

“Buffy?” Willow asked, she had picked up on the use of patience.

“I can’t do it any more Wills. How could he think that I would hurt Dawn?” Buffy said, more to herself than to her friend.

Spike was still listening to their conversation, and couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She loved him? Was she even talking about him? ‘Well who the bloody hell else would she be talken’ about? Peaches would never think the Slayer capable of doing anything wrong, and Captain Cardboard doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself and Buffy.’ And what did she mean, ‘he thought she was hurting Dawn’? Of course she was, he had seen her…hadn’t he? Curiosity got the better of him and he moved closer so he could see through the window. As he took in her slight form, Spike didn’t know what to think. Pushing his questions aside for now, Spike turned his focus back to their conversation.

“He said I was beneath him, Will.” Buffy said in the same pitiful tone, as tears ran rampant down her cheeks.

Willow gasped, and her hand flew to cover her lips. She vividly remembered the conversation she had had with Buffy after she came back from staying with her dad in LA one time, and how he had said almost the exact same thing.

Spike was curious as to Red’s reaction, and filed it away for later deliberation. Was it possible that the Slayer had already heard that turn of phrase?

“Out of all of them…Dad, Angel, Riley…Spike was the absolute last person I thought would ever say anything like that. I mean, I now that he hates me, that he always has. But I still…I trusted him, you know? I just, I trusted him to be different. To be better. Oh Will.” Her tears fell freely as Willow rubbed her back in a soothing manner.

Lifting her head, Buffy stared straight at the wall, lost in thought. “After all the time I’ve known Spike, after everything he’s done to us. I was never afraid of him. Parent-Teacher Night, Ford, The Order of Taraka, The Judge, Everything with Dru…with all the horror I’ve faced because of him…I never once feared him.” Buffy’s lips trembled as she caught her reflection in the window.

‘Cource you didn’t, luv. To strong and smart to let the likes of me beat-’ Spike thought, proudly.

“But I was tonight.”

‘What?’ Spike felt as though he had just been sucker punched.

“I was terrified Willow. I couldn’t react. I couldn’t protect myself. The amulet made it so that it was like my movements were under water. I couldn’t defend myself, Will. It was my Curcimanthium all over again. But that wasn’t what hurt. As always with Spike, it wasn’t the punches he threw, so much as the things he said. God, it hurt so much. I can’t do it anymore, Will. I can’t keep hurting like this. And I don’t know if I can forgive him. I think that…if it hadn’t been for Dawn, he would have bagged his third Slayer tonight.” Buffy admitted, ashamedly.

Willow patted her back one more time before raising herself from her chair and walking over to the bag she had dropped when she had first seen Buffy’s face. Wordlessly, Willow walked to the front door, took out a candle, and some sage. After smudging the door with the sage, and blowing out the candle, Willow repacked her bag and walked back into the kitchen. “It’s done.”

‘What’s done?’ Spike wondered, getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Buffy nodded, and fiddled with the necklace that she still held in her hands.

Willow was about to turn and leave Buffy to her thoughts when she spoke.

“She’s mine, you know.” Buffy whispered.

“What?”

“Dawn. She’s mine. I don’t know how or why or when…but I do know she’s mine. Mine and Spike’s. And there’s something wrong with her.” Buffy sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing when she accidentally touched the now patched up cut on the back of her skull. “Or maybe there’s nothing wrong, and that’s just the way she is. Either way, tomorrow morning, I want all available Scoobies on it.” She said, for a moment looking like the general Willow knew her to be.

Willow nodded. “Sure thing Buffy. I’ll send out the Scoobies signal first thing in the morning.”

Buffy smiled tiredly at her. “Thanks Will. I really don’t think I could get through this without you.”

Willow smiled. “You’re my best friend Buffy. I love you. And don’t worry…I’ll always be here.”

Buffy smiled. “I love you too, Wills. You should probably get some sleep. Gonna’ be a busy day tomorrow.”

Willow nodded. “Goodnight Buffy.”

“Night Wills”

After Willow had gone to bed, Buffy continued to sit at the counter, thinking about how drastically things had changed.

Sighing sadly, Buffy finally got up from he stool, and had to grab the side of the counter quickly to stop herself from falling. Apparently the bump on her head, and the blood loss was worse than she had thought, as a wave of dizziness threatened to drown her.

Spike was still standing on the back porch, reeling from every thing he had just over heard. He couldn’t believe a lot of what was said, and refused to believe the rest.

He then surprised himself when he had to physically stop himself from going to her when she almost fell. Shaking his head, Spike turned and sat heavily on the porch steps.

Dawn had left some clothes in her room, and instead of letting her come back and get them, like she had wanted to, Spike had left her at the crypt, and come back himself.

He was too confused right now for a confrontation, so he decided to just wait until everyone was asleep, and sneak in and out without Red or the Slayer being any the wiser.

He listened distantly as Buffy made her way through the house, turning off all the lights. He also took note of the fact that she didn’t bother to lock any of the doors.

‘I suppose that the Slayer and a powerful witch don’t have much need for locks. Probably have some kind of charm to protect against unfriendly demons.’

As he listened to her bedroom door shut, and waited for her to fall asleep, Spike couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.

After about half an hour, when Buffy had finished crying herself to sleep, Spike stood and moved towards the back door.

For some reason, the scene of Willow walking out of the kitchen and then coming back in minutes later to say that ‘it’s done’, kept flashing before his mind’s eye.

He had no clue what she had been talking about, and hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but he was thinking about it now, and he wasn’t sure why. Willow’s contribution wasn’t the most important portion of the exchange in his opinion.

Buffy loved him…or had loved him. Again he felt that speculative stab in his chest, and again, brushed it off; this time placing it down to the fact that only his mother and Dawn had ever loved him and no one had ever really given him a thought in a romantic sense.

Shaking off his melancholy thoughts, Spike reached for the doorknob, turned, and pushed it open. Stepping further, Spike went to move thru the now open doorway, and stopped.

Looking up at the house in confusion, he again tried to move through the open door, and again was held back.

It was then that the reality of the situation came crashing down on him.

The house’s natural barrier, the one that he had been immune to for little over four years, ever since he had helped the Slayer take down Angelus, was back up…and keeping him out.

She didn’t…couldn’t trust him anymore.

For a few moments, Spike just stood there in the open doorway, staring ahead into the darkened kitchen.

He didn’t know what to do with him self.

The sharp stabbing in his chest grew to such intensity that his habitual breathing grew harsh and labored, and his hand clutched at where his hart no longer beat.

Spike was so focused on his sudden, unexplained pain, that he never heard Buffy’s bedroom door open, or her come down the stairs.

Buffy had awoken suddenly, thirsty from her crying jag. Walking into the dark room, Buffy froze at the sight of Spike standing in the open doorway.

Spike was forced out of his reverie when her presence assaulted his senses. She reminded him of a fallen angel in that instant; dressed in a thin white lace tank top, and low rise white flannel pants. However, it was when he met her eyes, that he sucked in a breath. Buffy’s face was carefully blank, but her eyes were full of disappointment and pain.

‘I’m sorry’ He thought.

“Dawn left some clothes in her room.” He said.

Buffy was sure to keep her features blank, and nodded. “Ok, wait here, I’ll go get them.” She said, reluctantly turning her back to him.

“Buffy.” Spike called out to her.

She stopped but didn’t turn to face him.

Having no clue what he wanted to say, Spike just mumbled “nothing”, and watched as she continued to make her way out of the room. Leaving Spike to wonder how things had changed so drastically.

When Buffy returned, her arms were full of neatly folded clothes. And if he knew his daughter at all, she hadn’t done it. ‘Just like a mother would…’ Spike was surprised by the unconscious thought, and his face showed it.

“What?” she asked in an unreadable tone.

‘I’m sorry.’

“Nuthen’”

Spike took a step towards her, and felt another pang in his chest when she flinched back from him.

Again Spike’s face showed his surprise, along with another emotion she couldn’t name.

“Sorry, I—“.

Spike looking at her like she had grown a second head made her stop what she was about to say, and wrap her arms around herself protectively.

“What?”

“You’re sorry?!” he asked in an incredulous tone. “How can you apologize to me after everything that’s happened tonight?!” He asked, meaning how he had accused and manhandled her.

Buffy misunderstood.

“I already told Dawn I was sorry.” She said in a small voice, hugging her self tighter, and visibly recoiling from him, before remembering her backbone.

“Look Spike, I really don’t feel like doing this again, it’s not worth it.” She handed him the clothes quickly.

“Goodnight Spike.” She said, shutting the door in his face.

The sound of the latch clicking into place seemed to have an air of finality about it.

Hefting the clothes under his arm, Spike turned and made his way back to the crypt, and Dawn.

The last place he had ever wanted her to have to live.

Dejectedly, he wondered if she would actually speak to him when he got there. The walk back the first time had been mostly silent, with the exception of Spike tying to make conversation.

When he came within feet of the crypt, he could smell the distinct sent of tears. His first thought was Dawn’s safety, and so he barged thru the door, ready take down her attackers.

The sound of the heavy metal door banging open startled Dawn so much that she jumped out of the plush arm chair she had been sitting in, and fell into an automatic fighting stance.

It struck Spike, how familiar the stance was. Nothing like him; open, and begging for violence, or Dru; swaying and calm, confident in her ability to capture the mind. No, Dawn stood with her legs shoulder width apart - sturdy. Her arms up, ready to defend - careful. Hands balled into lose fists - punishing.

“Looks like the Slayers been training you.” He said, looking for a reaction. He got one, Dawn’s face took on a hard edge, and she clenched her fists a couple of times before rigidly coming out of her stance.

“What can I say, violence runs in the family, I guess.” She replied bitterly, crossing her arms.

Spike nearly growled as she again reminded him of Buffy. “Stop that.”

“What?” she said, giving a head tilt that was unquestionably Spike.

Spike shook his head, “can’t be…you’ve just been spending too much time with her is all, picken’ up her mannerisms…you’re not related…she’s not your mother.” Spike grumbled under his breath as he strode past her to the mini fridge.

“What did you say?” Dawn asked, her face the picture of surprise.

Spike cursed under his breath, he hadn’t meant for her to hear him.

“Spike?” Dawn called his name to try and get his attention.

Growling, Spike slammed the door to the fridge, and turned to her. When she flinched away, Spike wanted to cry.

“Not you too…” he said, seeming to deflate, and lean wearily against a sarcophagus. Spike looked up at her “I don’t know what I would do if you were afraid of me too Dawn.”

Dawn’s features softened, but she didn’t come any closer. “What did you say?” she asked again.

“About what?” he asked wearily.

“Before, when you said we weren’t related, you meant Buffy, didn’t you.”

Spike growled, and slammed his fists down on the sarcophagus, pushing himself away from it violently.

“She told you that tripe too? And you believed her? She’s not! Drusilla is your mother! She gave you life! I was there; I saw it with my own eyes!” he shouted, passing back and forth in front of her.

“No.” Dawn’s calmly spoken word stopped him abruptly.

“No?” he asked.

“No, she didn’t tell me. Yes, she is. No, Dru’s not. Lastly, I don’t know what you saw, but Buffy is my mother.” Dawn said with her arms still crossed in front or her.

Spike gave a humorless laugh, “Alright then, if she didn’t tell you, then how do you know?” he asked, trying to stump her.

“She showed me.”

He didn’t understand. “What do you mean, she showed you? Showed you how?” he briefly remembered Buffy mentioning something about an amulet to Willow, and how she had been wearing it when she had attacked Dawn.

Dawn moved to sit on the sarcophagus along the opposite wall. “Buffy got this amulet from Willow today at the magic shop. It’s called the Gem of Sight,” Spike’s eye went wide. He knew of the artifact, it was said to be myth, like the Gem of Amara. “It’s supposed to allow the wearer sight to things like spells, auras, hidden demons, stuff like that. Buffy was wearing the amulet tonight when you decided it was a good idea to throw her down the stairs.” Dawn looked at him with resentment filled eyes.

Spike opened his mouth to retaliate, but Dawn interrupted. “After you left the room, Buffy showed me the necklace and I put it on. Dad, if you had been in Buffy’s position, you would have done worse than just pushing me up against a closet.”

Spike took a moment to let everything sink in, before lifting his head to look at her. His eyes were unreadable. “She, she said that there might be something wrong with you. She’s going to put the Scoobies on it first thing.” He said, looking her over as though he would be able to see the problem.

It struck Dawn as weird that Buffy would actually talk to Spike after everything that had happened tonight. “You talked to her?”

Spike’s entire form slumped in pained resignation. “No. I overheard her and Red’s conversation.”

Dawn couldn’t understand what had upset him so suddenly. “Oh, Willow was there? She was supposed to be out late tonight.” She wondered, fishing for the problem. And if the further slump of her dad’s shoulders was any indication, she had found it.

“She was…she was doing a spell for the Slayer.”

“Well that doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Depends on the spell.”

“Oh ick! Are your parts going to start falling off now?” Dawn made an ick face.

Spike couldn’t help but smile sadly. “No Bit, nothing like that. Buffy, she had Red take my invite away.” He admitted miserably.

Dawn was confused for a moment, then just plain surprised. “Wow, go Buffy.”

Spike’s head snapped up with a look of surprised betrayal.

“Oh don’t give me that look, I love you, but Buffy’s loved you, loved us, for a long time and we’ve treated her like shit for her troubles. What’s worse is that I’m her daughter; she’s supposed to love me. But with you, she chose you. And what do you do? You throw her down the stairs. Instantly accuse her of being guilty, and never once think that there might be a logical reason for her actions. In all honesty, I can’t understand why she loves us to begin with. So don’t be so surprised that she doesn’t trust you anymore.”

Spike dropped his head in shame. ‘Bit’s right. She’s the Power’s Slayer, for God’s sake. The whitest white hat there is, of course she wouldn’t put Dawn in unnecessary danger. I am a pilock.’

“She said…Dawn, do you think that, if you hadn’t been there tonight, I would have killed her?” He already knew her answer, and he didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to know that she thought that of him. But he needed to.

“Yes.” She said simply.

Spike nodded sadly.

“But there’s still one thing don’t get.” She said.

Spike lifted his head and ran his fingers thru his hair, “What’s that Bit?” he said tiredly.

“Why do you care?”

“What?” he looked at her sharply and she shrugged.

“Why do you care? All you’ve ever said about Buffy was that you hated her, and she was a good fighter. So why do you care? Why now? Is it just because she locked you out, that someone other than me loves you, that you’re not her favorite vamp anymore, or is it that, deep down, you love her too?” Dawn yawned. “I’m taking the bed since you took me from mine.” She said grumpily.

“Oh,” she said turning back to him, “and I was just wondering how I’m getting to school tomorrow, where my lunch is coming from, and how I’m getting back here.”

Spike noticed that she was careful not to call the crypt ‘home’.

Tightening his shoulders, Spike folded his arms. “You can miss school tomorrow while I figure it out.”

Dawn shrugged her shoulders, and disappeared down the latter.

With a deep sigh, Spike sat heavily in his second hand lay-z-boy, and put his head in his hands. “What a bloody mess.”

The Next morning, Spike was startled awake by someone knocking on the crypt door. He was about to get up to see who or what it was when he felt Dawn slip past where he was pretending to sleep on top of the sarcophagus.

Completely awake now, Spike listened carefully as Dawn opened the door.

Behind his closed eyelids, Spike saw the glare of sun light up the dark tomb, and the scent of one of his least favorite Scoobies wafted towards him.

“Hey Dawnie, you ready to go?” Xander whispered as softly as he could.

“Go where?” Dawn asked, completely confused.

“To school, where else? The Buffster sent me over here when I showed up this morning, said that you were staying with Spike now. Hey, do you know if anything happened? She was all bruises this morning, said that some big bad got a hold of her.” Xander’s face showed his worry which Dawn mirrored. Buffy was almost always fully healed the morning after a patrol.

“Is she ok?” Dawn asked, a slight tremor in her voice.

Xander smiled. “Oh ya, you know Buffy, she’s a fighter, and the bruising should be gone by noon. She wanted me to tell you that she’s going to visit Joyce today, and if you wanted to come, she would wait till school was out and then pick you up. That sound good?”

Dawn nodded, and on impulse reached out and hugged Xander around the waist. “Thanks Xander. I really appreciate you coming to get me.”

Xander blushed, but hugged her back. “Any time Dawnie. Oh, I almost forgot,” Xander said, pulling away, and handing her the bag in his hand. “Buffy packed you your lunch. By the smell of it it’s left over spaghetti from last night.”

Taking the bag, Dawn wasn’t sure whether to laugh at Xander’s nose, or cry for Buffy.

“Now, you ready to go? We’re going to be late and then we’d have to hear about it from both Ahn and Buffy.” Xander joked.

This time Dawn did giggle, and took a quick look around the crypt to make sure that she hadn’t forgotten anything. “Yep, let’s go.”

“Don’t you think you should tell your dad where you’re going first?” Xander asked, giving the still, silent figure atop the sarcophagus a wary look.

“Na, it’s ok, I left him a note.” Dawn said, as she shut the door behind her.

Unbeknownst to Spike, Dawn had woken up over an hour ago, and gotten all of her school stuff together.

As much as she loved her father, Dawn knew that she could never live in the dark like he did. So, scribbling off a quick note to Spike about where she had gone, and that she would be back after school, and placing it on top of the TV where he was sure to see it, Dawn was just slipping on her backpack when Xander came knocking.

As soon as he was sure that they had gone, Spike sat up and swung his legs over the side of the sarcophagus. Running his hands through his hair, Spike sighed long and deep.

‘What am I going to do?’ Spike was at a complete loss.

Did he keep Dawn here with him in the crypt? Did he find a new place for them to live? Or, did he take her back to the Slayer, with his tail between his legs. And if he did take Dawn back, where did that leave him? Would the Slayer give him back his invite? Would she forgive him? Did he really want her to?

Even as all of these questions flew through his head, Spike knew what he had to do. He wasn’t happy about it, but it was the best thing for Dawn.

With his decision firmly in mind, Spike lifted his tired body up, and forced his legs to carry him down the ladder, and over to his soft, rumpled bed.




Chapter 8


That night found Spike pacing the Summer’s back porch, chain smoking as he waited for Dawn and the Slayer to get back from the hospital.

He was only about to start on his second pack, when he heard a car pull into the driveway. Calming himself down, Spike melted back into the shadows, and watched as they entered the kitchen. He watched curiously as Buffy sat an obviously shaken Dawn into one of the chairs at the counter, and then went about making hot chocolate for the two of them.

“What did that guy mean mom?” Dawn asked in a little voice.

After finding out that Buffy was really her mother, Dawn had surprised herself with how ‘ok’ she was with the idea. She had gotten used to the feeling that came along with being able to call Buffy mom, and she decided that she liked it.

Coming around the counter, Buffy enveloped Dawn in a warm hug. “I don’t know Dawnie, I don’t know.” Buffy pulled back slightly, stroking Dawn’s hair. “But I promise you, we’re going to find out. Everything’s going to be ok.”

As Buffy continued to stroke Dawn’s hair, the conversation she had had with her mother at the hospital replayed through her mind.

‘“She’s not mine, is she?” Joyce asked, looking up at Buffy helplessly.

Gently, Buffy stroked her mother’s hand, as an odd mixture of sadness and pride flooded her face.

“No. Mom, listen. Dawn, she’s…She’s mine. Mine and Spike’s. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, Dawn is my daughter. And I think she’s in trouble.”

“I don’t understand, Buffy, how is that possible?”

“We’re not sure yet, but I have the gang working on it. Mom, listen, so far only you, me, Willow, and Dawn, know the truth.”

“Buffy, are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean Spike-”

“I can’t, mom, not yet. I will, just not…not yet.”

Joyce saw the pain and sadness that passed over Buffy’s face, before she quickly masked the emotions.

“Buffy, what’s wrong? What happened?” Joyce asked in a soothing voice, taking Buffy’s hand in her own.

Faced with her mother’s compassion, Buffy had to fight hard not to break down, but still ended up confessing that she had had Willow take Spike’s invite away. When Joyce asked why, Buffy could only shake her head, as a strangled sob broke loose from her throat, and let her mother console her.

Joyce could see how much having to lock Spike out of their house was hurting her daughter. She also knew about Buffy’s feelings for the vampire, so she couldn’t imagine what he had done that was so horrible.

In truth, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.’


The sound of hot chocolate on the stove starting to bubble broke Buffy out of her thoughts. As Buffy started to pull away, Dawn stopped her.

“Mom?”

Buffy looked back down at her for a moment. “Ya sweetheart?”

Dawn looked up at her with her face full of worry. “Is Joyce going to be ok?”

Buffy teared up, but fought hard not to let a single drop fall. “I…I don’t know Dawnie.” She whispered helplessly.

Spike watched the tender moment from the shadows in surprise, and no small amount of worry. He hadn’t been aware that Joyce was so sick; he had just assumed she was going in for a regular checkup.

Remembering what he had come here for in the first place, Spike gathered all of the pride and courage he could muster, and knocked on the door. His gut twisted when both girls stopped and looked towards the door with trepidation. He watched as Buffy slowly put her mug down, and came to answer the door.

“Hello Spike.” She said coldly.

Taking on his old ‘Bad Ass’ attitude, Spike looked her up and down, then shrugged her off, as though she had been found wanting.

Any other time, this would have crippled Buffy. But with all of the pain she had gone through lately, she was able to easily push it aside.

“I’m here for my daughter, Slayer.” He said, skipping all formalities.

Buffy turned her head to look back at Dawn. Studying the one she now knew was her daughter, Buffy came to a decision. “Stay where you are Dawn.” Buffy ordered as she walked out of the kitchen and headed up to her room.

“What? Dawn, no, get up, were leaven’” Spike scowled at the Slayer’s back. ‘What the hell does she think she’s playen’ at?’

Just moments later Buffy came back down the stairs, holding something in her hands.

Walking up to Spike, Buffy spoke to Dawn over her shoulder. “Dawn, stay here while I have a talk with your father.”

Nodding wordlessly, Dawn watched her parents as they made their way onto the back porch.



“Spike, listen, we need to talk.”

“About what, Slayer?”

“I have to tell you, about the other night, what happened.”

Spike just stayed silent and continued to look at her.

“But before I can, you need to put this on.” Buffy said, holding the amulet out to him.

Spike was still, he wasn’t sure what it was she was drawing at, but he knew that whatever the amulet would show him, he still wasn’t ready to deal with.

Buffy sighed in exasperation at his stubbornness. “Look, if you want to understand why I did what I did, you need to put this on.” When he still refused to take it she huffed again, “fine, close your eyes.”

Spike took a moment to study the Slayer, and evaluate the situation.

What Dawn had said the night before ran through his head, and, taking a deep breath, he finally closed his eyes.

Uncomfortable with the situation, Spike lashed out; “you’re not going to put a sword thru my gut are you?”

After a few moments and no response from Buffy, Spike opened his eyes.

She still stood in front of him, but instead of the steely resolve of earlier, her face held such a look of anguish that if anyone were to walk by they would have assumed that he had struck her, indeed it probably would have been the more humane thing to do.

“I didn’t deserve that.” She said in a strangled whisper, looking him dead in the eye.

Spike stayed silent.

After another moment, and still silence, Buffy’s eyes hardened. Ignoring her tears, she raised her arm, and effectively threw the amulet at him.

“I’ll pick it up when I drop Dawn off tonight. Don’t break it.” Buffy said, turning to the door, and entering where he couldn’t follow. She was about to shut the door but turned back; “If you have any questions, ask Dawn, or Willow if Dawn doesn’t know. But leave me alone. I’m done with you.” She said closing the door calmly behind her and taking up the seat she had vacated just minutes earlier.


“That was quick.” Dawn ventured, when Buffy came to sit back down beside her.

“You have no idea.” Buffy sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“Not good?” Dawn stated the obvious.

Looking over at her, Buffy sighed. “I’m sorry Dawn. I just can’t deal with your father on top of everything else right now.”

Dawn shrugged. “It’s ok mom, I understand.”

“Hey, what do you say we watch a movie before I take you back to the crypt?” Buffy offered, running her hand over Dawn’s hair.

“You mean I’m going back?” Dawn asked with surprise.

Standing up, Buffy ushered them into the living room. “Hopefully it’s just for a little while. I gave Spike the amulet just now. I would have just had him put it on here, but unfortunately he was being classic Spike, so I’m going to pick it up tonight after I drop you off. I’ll talk to him tomorrow about you moving back in. You know how stubborn he can be, I’m just giving him some time and space to cool off, and deal. Let’s just hope he’s more reasonable tomorrow.”

Sitting down on one end of the couch, Buffy let Dawn stretch out with her head in her lap, and running her fingers through her daughter’s hair. Buffy and Dawn settled down to watch a movie.

After an hour, Buffy decided that she needed to get Dawn back to Spike’s seeing as she had school the next day.

“Dawnie.” Buffy called softly, shaking her shoulder slightly.

“Mmumm…” Dawn whined sleepily in protest, and snuggled more deeply into Buffy’s side.

“Come on Dawnie, get your coat and shoes on, and I’ll carry you back. No walking, I promise.”

Moaning again, Dawn reluctantly lifted her head to see Buffy standing in front of her. “But I don’t wanna…” she whined petulantly.

Buffy smiled. “Come on sleepy head, up you get. I still have to talk to your father, then a quick patrol.”

Reluctantly getting to her feet, Dawn dragged her self over to where Buffy was holding her coat for her.

After gathering all of Dawn’s things, Buffy crouched down and allowed Dawn to climb on to her back.

Dawn fell back asleep almost as soon as Buffy took her first step out the door. She couldn’t help it. As much as she was human herself, Dawn had never felt the soft warmth that seemed to radiate off of Buffy. ‘A mother’s warmth’ Dawn thought in a daze, as the gentle rocking of Buffy’s steps, and the heat of her body served to rock her to sleep.


Arriving at Spike’s crypt, Buffy decided to knock gently instead of just barging in, or yelling for him to open the door, in fear that she would wake Dawn.

“Slayer, what-” Spike was cut off immediately when Buffy shushed him.

“Let me in Spike, so I can put her down. She’s exhausted. We had a bit of a run in at the hospital. She’s ok, but the guy scared her pretty good. She fell asleep on the couch earlier, and was out like a light as soon as I picked her up.” Buffy chatted easily, but was sure to be quiet enough not to wake Dawn.

When she didn’t feel Spike behind her, she turned to see him looking at her with something akin to horror.

Buffy opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong, but then recognized the amulet around his neck. Snapping her mouth shut, Buffy’s eyes seemed to darken with some unknown emotion.

“Let me put her down, and we’ll talk.” Buffy said, turning and carefully descending the latter.


Sitting down on the bed, Buffy let Dawn gently slip off of her back and onto the bed. Standing, Buffy turned and shuffled Dawn under the covers.

Furrowing her brow, Dawn moaned in her sleep and seemed to be reaching for something. “Mommy…” she whispered.

“Shh, I’m right here sweetheart, go to sleep.” Buffy hummed, stroking Dawn’s hair away from her face.

“Daddy…” Dawn whispered, snuggling more into the covers.

“I’ll get him,” Buffy said, turning, but was surprised to see him standing at the bottom of the latter, watching them.

Buffy mentally scolded herself for not feeling his presence right behind her, but shook it off.

“She wanted to say goodnight.” Buffy said softly, moving away from the sleeping girl.

Looking as though he was approaching some headless specter, Spike cautiously made his way over to his daughter. At least, he thought she was his daughter. Spike chanced a glance at Buffy, and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Watching Spike approach Dawn like she was some ferocious animal, made Buffy glare. “I’m glad she’s asleep, and doesn’t have to watch as her own father cowers like a pathetic fledgling.” Buffy snapped harshly, giving Spike the swift kick in the ass that he needed.

Taking a deep breath, Spike finally reached the side of the bed, and kneeled down beside it. Tentatively, he reached out a hand, running it over the side of her face, which continued to flicker in and out. “Dawn?”

“Night daddy…” she murmured, half conscious.

“Night nibblet.” Spike said, more out of habit, than any conscious effort.

“Night mommy…”

Instantly, Buffy was at Dawn’s side, and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight sweetheart, sweet dreams.”

Silently, Buffy pulled Spike away from the bed and forced him up the latter. Still too stunned to speak, Spike allowed Buffy to manhandle him into his tattered green chair in front of the TV.

They sat in silence for a moment, Buffy perched on top of his cold stone sarcophagus, and Spike just staring blankly at the wall.

“Spike.”

The sound of Buffy’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, and Spike looked over at her, proving that it wasn’t just some weird dream, as she was still covered in a gold shimmering light.

Looking down, Spike again saw the silver that surrounded him.

“What is she?” He asked in a strangled tone, not bothering to look at her.

“Your daughter.” Buffy answered simply.

“What else?” he asked in the same voice.

Here Buffy hesitated.

“We don’t know yet. I have the Scoobies looking into it, but my spidy sense has been tingling for a while now. I think something’s coming. And I think it’s coming after Dawn.”

Spike just nodded.

“Spike, listen.” For the first time since coming up the latter, Spike lifted his head and looked at her.

“As far as I know, Dawn is innocent in all of this. She has no clue what’s going on, or what’s wrong with her. In her mind, she is just a regular twelve year old girl, and you are her father. You raised her, protected her. And if my feelings are correct, she’s going to need you more than ever in the next little while.”

“And you? Where do you fit in all of this?”

“Even if I wasn’t her mother, I would do anything and everything in my power to save and protect Dawn. If nothing else, you know that I will always risk my life to protect the innocent.” Buffy said softly and with passion.

Standing, Buffy walked over to him and reached out her hand for the amulet. Closing his eyes, Spike allowed her to remove it.

“I’m going to patrol. Xander will be by in the morning to take Dawn to school. Spike, this is no place for a little girl. You know that. I know you don’t like it, but, no matter how much you hate me, the offer for Dawn to stay with me will always stand.”

Buffy didn’t bother to look back and see if he was listening. After saying her peace, Buffy walked out of the crypt, quietly shutting the door behind her.

It was as Buffy was making a quick sweep of the warehouse district that she thought she could hear screaming. Running as fast as her feet could carry her Buffy rushed into the building. Reaching the floor where the sounds of torture seemed to originate, she burst through the door. Not expecting the sight that greeted her.

There, tied to a chair in the middle of the room, was a man dressed in what Buffy could only describe as “monk wear”. Semi-conscious.

“Whoa, are you ok?” Buffy says, running over to untie the man. "Don’t worry, I’m stronger than I look, I’ll get you out of here. I kinda’ have experience with stuff like this. Best of all…” Quickly, without warning, Buffy spun around to grab the woman sneaking up behind her by the throat. “I’m not stupid.”

Swatting Buffy’s hand away as though it was nothing, the woman brought her arm back, backhanding Buffy with enough force to send her crashing into the wall, and creating a nice Buffy sized whole.

“You sure about that last part?” Glory laughed. Stalking over to the fallen blond, She picked Buffy up by her neck, and again tossed her like a rag doll, into the opposite wall where she landed face first.

“By the way,” Glory said, again walking over to Buffy. “This whole “beat ya to death” thing I’m doing? It’s a valuable time out of my life that I’m never gonna get back.”

Lifting herself up, Buffy tried to fight back, but Glory griped both of her arms, wrenching then downwards, making Buffy cry out in pain.

“Wait, I’ve always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms where if you have one, you rip it in half, you got two worms? Do you think that’ll work with you?”

Getting fed up, Buffy slammed her head into Glory’s face, breaking free of her grip, and causing Glory to cry out in shock.

“You hit me! What, are you crazy?”

Pressing her advantage, Buffy launched her attack, punching and kicking for all she was worth, and forcing Glory back. In the back of her mind, Buffy took note that her attack seemed more to offend the demon woman, more than actually hurt her.

“You can’t just go around hitting people. What, were you born in a barn?”

Getting annoyed at the smaller blond, Glory easily blocked Buffy’s next punch.

“Hey, I just noticed something. You have super powers. That is so cool. Can you fly?” Glory asked, picking Buffy up again by the throat, and hurling her across the room.

Dazed, Buffy quickly picked herself up, and turned to face her opponent. But reassessed the situation when she realized that she had landed right beside the dying monk. Making a quick decision, Buffy picked up the monk, and half dragged him over to the window. Ignoring Glory’s furious cries behind her, Buffy fully picked the man up into her arms, and crashed through the large window.

As soon as they had landed, Buffy supported the man, and they hobbled as quickly as they could away from the warehouse. When they finally reached the edge of the lot, the monk stumbled, and they both collapsed against the chain-link fence.

“My journey’s done, I think.” The monk rasped harshly.

“Don’t get metaphory on me. We’re going.” Buffy said, trying to lift him again, but he stops her.

“You have to…the Key. You have to protect the key. Many more die if you don’t keep it safe.”

“How? What is it?” Buffy asked with trepidation.

“The Key is energy. It’s a portal. It opens the door…”

“What is it? Where is it?”

“For centuries it had no form at all. My brethren, its only keepers. Then the abomination found us. We had to hide the Key, gave if form, molded it flesh…made it human and sent it to who would protect it.”

Buffy stared at him in shock as realization sunk in.

“Dawn…” Buffy whispered in horror. That monster that had nearly killed her was after Dawn.

“We knew that the Slayer and the Champion would protect her. We took parts of your essence, and the Champion’s and combined them to create one flesh. We knew that you were not ready, so we were forced to send her the Champion’s concubine.” He managed to say, as he started coughing heavily.

“What is she?” Buffy had to ask in a trembling voice.

“Human…now human. And helpless. Please… she’s an innocent in this. She needs you.”

“She is my daughter.” Buffy said with certainty.

The Monk nodded as he reached into his robes and pulled out a glowing orb.

“Take this…it will help you to protect the Key. Keep…her…safe…” the monk wheezed one last time and he was gone.


“Giles!” Buffy’s voice yell fervently from the other side of his door.

Getting up, and stumbling down the stairs as quickly as his aging body would carry him, Giles rushed to open the door, giving entrance to his almost panicked Slayer.

“Buffy, good lord, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Dawn.” She said, turning to stand in the middle of the room.

“What happened? Is she alright?”

“In a manner of speaking. Giles…I know what Dawn is.”

“Buffy, slow down. Here, take a seat, and tell me everything.”

Bit by bit, Buffy explained everything to Giles. From talking to Willow about her feelings for Dawn, to what the monk had told her. She even told him about the fight with Spike, and her feeling for him.

By the end of her explanation Giles was sitting on the couch beside her with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand.

“Giles…can you say something please?” Buffy asked after a long moment’s silence.

“I…what do you want me to say Buffy?” He asked finally looking up at her. Neither of them had noticed that she had started crying during her account.

“I just need to know that you’re going to be here for me through all of this. I don’t know if I could handle all of this crazy drama without you.”

Taking pity on his charge, Giles’s eyes softened, and he pulled her to him for a fatherly hug.

“Oh Buffy. You know, no matter what happens, I will always be here for you.”

Snuggling into the comfort of his arms Buffy relaxed. “Thanks Giles, You don’t know how much that means to me.”

“It’s ok, Buffy. Now, why don’t you head-on home, and we’ll explain everything to everyone tomorrow. You go home and get some rest. We’ll discuss this more in the morning.”

“Giles, I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell the gang about Dawn being the Key, I mean, what if that super strong demon chick get’s a hold of one of them? I think letting them know would put them in even more danger than they already are on a daily basis.”

“Yes, I see your point. Very well, you tell who you think needs to know, and I will support you.” Giles said rubbing his glasses, as he stood to walk Buffy to the door.

“Thanks Giles.” Buffy said, giving him one last hug, before heading out the door.

“Goodnight Buffy.”

At 3:30pm the next day Buffy and Dawn entered the Magic Box smiling.

“Hey guys!” Dawn chirped, bouncing over to the table where Willow, Tara and Xander where sitting.

“Hey Dawnie, how was school?” Willow smiled, making a spot for the little girl between her and Xander.

“Good. Buffy said that I could have some friends over tomorrow.”

“Really Buffster? You sure that’s a good idea?” Xander asked, looking over to the diminutive blond who was leaning against a pillar with her arms crossed.

Buffy shrugged and smiled at the pleading look Dawn was giving her. “Of course, out of all of us, my house is the only one to never be broken into. The way I see it, home is the safest place in Sunnydale.”

Buffy laughed when Dawn stuck her tongue out at Xander.

“Hey! My house hasn’t been broken into.” Willow whined from her place beside Tara.

“No, no it hasn’t, your fish just up and decided they needed some fresh air.” Buffy smirked.

Willow blushed. “Hey! That was your stupid boyfriend, remember? And! I already took away his invite.” She huffed, sticking her nose up.

“Hullo all.” Spike’s voice interrupted the room as he sauntered in, coming in from the back room.

“Spike.” Xander said with a kert nod.

No one had told him about Buffy’s feelings for the bleached wonder. No one had to. As much as he pretended to be ignorant, Xander was incredibly observant, and the looks Buffy gave captain peroxide whenever he was in the room were both obvious and frequent. He had also noticed how the looks had changed recently. Instead of the eyes lighting up, and the blushing that where classic “Buffy Love” signs, her eyes now seemed to dim with what he interpreted as either pain or disappointment, or both, before she had to look away. He may be ignorant to a lot of things; but his family wasn’t one of them. He had no idea what Deadboy junior had done, and to some extent he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“Hello Spike. Have you come to spend money? Because I already told you, you cannot steal. Stealing is wrong. And against the law.” Anya chirped. Spike smirked.

“Easy demon girl, I’m not here to pinch the merchandise. Here for the Scooby meetin’ at the Slayers request.” He said nonchalantly, hopping up to sit on the counter.

“Oh. Well that’s ok then.” She said, going back to counting her money.

“Ekhem, um, if we could, uh, get down to business, shall we?” Giles said, grabbing everyone’s attention, and gesturing for Buffy to take center stage.

Buffy sighed. “Right, to business.” Facing everyone, she started. “As some of you may or may not know, I’ve been feeling a little…different towards some people lately and – “

“You’re talking about how you’re in love with Spike right?” Anya interrupted, and everyone turned to look at her.

“What?” she asked, completely oblivious.

“Thanks Ahn.” Buffy said sarcastically, but with a slight smile.

“You’re welcome Buffy.” Anya chirped happily again.

“But to answer your question, no, I’m not. A few days ago, I used the Gem of Sight and found that…well, I discovered that something that I had secretly wished for was true.” Buffy stopped here to look at Dawn and smile.

Without thinking, Dawn jumped from her seat and thru herself at Buffy, squeezing her around the waist. Willow and Giles smiled indulgently at the two, while Spike couldn’t stand to watch their mutual show of affection, and had to turn away.

‘Just think mate, if you weren’t such a fucking wanker that could be you right now. If you hadn’t been such a bloody prick she could have been yours.’

“What did you wish for Buff?” Xander asked, not braking the moment, but still asking the question.

Buffy held Dawn tighter to her as she answered his question. “I wished for Dawn to be mine.”

“Huh?” Xander was confused.

Gently, Buffy led Dawn over to the table and took a seat beside her. “The Gem. It showed Dawn’s aura and how it was half mine, and half Spikes.” Silence greeted her. Truthfully, she wasn’t expecting much of a reaction; Willow, Giles, and Spike already knew. Tara probably did too, seeing as she didn’t need the Gem to see these things. And Anya…well, Anya probably didn’t care. That left Xander to have the only reaction, and right now he looked lost somewhere between putting the pieces together, and realization.

“But there’s more.” Again everyone stared. This time it was only Giles that had a look of understanding, as anything else was even news to those previously in the know. “There’s a new Baddy in town. She’s tuff” here Buffy paused to rub her shoulder which was still aching from the night before.

“You ok Buffy?” Xander asked, worried. It wasn’t normal for Buffy to still be in pain after a night of patrolling.

Spike was surprised as well. Not that the Slayer was hurt, thou that in its self was unusual. No, he was surprised that once again that gripping compulsion to go to her, to try to comfort her, urged him forward like nothing else, and he again had to physically restrain himself to stay seated.

“Ya Xand, I’m fine. Just still a little sore. No permanent damage.” Buffy said, smiling kindly, thankful for his concern.

“What was she Buffy?” Willow asked.

“Not sure. She’s defiantly not a vamp. I’ve never met anything like her. She just tossed me around like a rag doll, and the few hits that I did manage to land were lucky and didn’t even faze her. So, don’t really know what she is. But she’s dangerous. I think…I think she’s going to be this year’s apocalypse.”

“What does she want? I mean, all bad guys want something, what’s her fetish?” Xander piped up again.

“The Key.” Buffy answered simply.

“Huh?” was his simple reply.

“Last night, as I was escaping, and yes I did just say escaping, I rescued a monk she was using as a favored pin cushion. As soon as we were far enough away he told me everything, well, as much as he could. And he gave me this,” Turning, she picked up the bag she had brought with her and pulled out the dragon sphere. “He told me that this would help me fight her. Not sure what it does, but, then, that’s what you guys are for. I just kill stuff.” Buffy smiled perkily. Making everyone sitting at the table chuckle.

“But, what is the Key Buffy?” Willow asked.

“He didn’t say much, just that his brethren had protected it for centuries and that it was energy that had the power to open dimensions.”

“Evil demon, mystical object, portals to unknown dimensions: ah, taste the apocalypse in the air.” Xander quipped, rubbing his hands together in fake glee.

“Told ya.” Buffy smiled.

“Yes, well, thank you for that, Buffy. Now then, I believe that we should get started on this as soon as possible.” Giles said, turning to grab some books off of the shelf, and spurring everyone else into action.

Willow pulled out her trusty laptop, Tara gathered some books with Giles, Xander hoped up and out the door to gather the ever required sugary goodness, and Anya continued to work on the store’s log books.

It was just as Spike hopped off of the counter and headed towards the back training room, that Buffy caught Giles’s eye and nodded.

“Spike wait.” Buffy called out to him, causing him to turn and look at her with questioning eyes.

“What is it Slayer?”

Ignoring his question, Buffy took Dawn’s hand and led her into the training room where Spike followed, shutting the door behind him, sensing the Slayers need for privacy.

“There is something I need to tell you both. I think you should sit down for this.” Buffy said, gesturing towards the couch that lined the wall.

“What now Slayer?” Spike asked with false vexation.

“It’s about the Key.” Buffy said, doing her best to ignore him.

“What about it?” Asked Dawn.

“Ya, and why aren’t you telling all your little sodden’ Scoobies?” Spike asked, leaning back in his seat, and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Because I don’t want to put them in danger.” Buffy said, not batting an eye at his childish attitude.

“So, you won’t tell them because it would put them in danger, but you’re gonna tell us? What the hell has gotten into you Slayer?” Spike asked with confused curiosity.

“Shut up Spike. I’m telling you because you deserve to know, and it will keep you safe.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“What is it mom?” Dawn asked, making Spike cringe, which Buffy and Dawn studiously ignored.

“The Key…it’s a person.”

Dawn very nearly stopped breathing, and Buffy rushed to kneel at her feel in front of her.

“Breath Dawnie, just breath…” Buffy whispered comfortingly, holding Dawn’s hand in one of her own and rubbing her arm with the other.

“Me? I’m the Key? What does that mean? What am I?” The little girl asked, her chin quivering, as tears came to her eyes. Buffy scooted up on to the couch to sit beside Dawn, and hold her close.

“Hey, nothing’s changed; you’re still our Dawnie, just, you know, now you’re just as supernatural as your parents.” Buffy smiled, rubbing Dawn’s arm as she held her close.

“But…does that mean…I’m not…am I real?”

“Oh Dawnie, you’re incredibly real.” Buffy looked over at Spike for support but found him staring at the ground. Buffy turned hurt eyes back to Dawn, while still trying to hide her expression. “Dawn listen, you are real. You were born like any other human being. The only thing that’s different is how you got your genes. I mean, having your essence stolen and used to create a life isn’t exactly what people say about the night their child was conserved.”

This made Dawn giggle slightly and a relieved smile touched Buffy’s lips.

“Why you tellen’ us this Slayer? Why not inform the Scoobies?” Spike asked, finally lifting his head.

“Because I didn’t want them to treat Dawn any differently, and, if this new demon or whatever, were to get a hold of one of them, and they accidentally let it slip that Dawn was the one she was looking for, that would put her in even more danger. It’s just too risky. Best to keep it between us and Giles.”

Spike nodded.

“So…” Dawn’s tentative voice brought their attention back to her. “What do I do now? How do I act?”

Buffy smiled down at her, and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “You act like you, just be Dawn. Nothing’s changed, Dawnie. As to what you do? You call your friends, and invite them over for a last minute movie blowout tomorrow night.”

“Really?!” Dawn jumped up excitedly, and ran out the door to use the shop’s phone. “Thanks mom!” her voice drifted back through the room, along with Giles’s disgruntled murmurings.

“What’s all that about then?” Spike asked, looking slightly bewildered. Buffy giggled at his expression, and couldn’t help thinking how adorable he looked.

“I told Dawn that she could have some friends from school over to the house. I hope that’s ok.” Buffy said, smiling at him unconsciously, temporarily forgetting her anger, hurt, and disappointment in him.

Forgetting himself as well, Spike nodded his relaxed consent, “Sure luv, that’s fine.”

Buffy gave him a beaming smile. She knew it was pathetic, she knew she shouldn’t allow him to affect her in such a way, but she couldn’t help it.

“You know…” Buffy said, almost shyly, causing him to look at her, “If you wanted, you could…join us?”

“What?” he asked incredulously. ‘Is she serious? After everything that’s happened, she’s still wants me around? I’m starting to think she’s as cracked up as Dru.’

Buffy’s smile melted, and mentally scolded herself. “Ya, you’re right. Sorry.” She said, standing from her place beside him, and striding towards the door.

“Buffy wait.” He called out and stood before she could leave. It was the fact that he used her real name and not her title that had her turning around to face him.

When she looked at him with what had now become her customary mask of indifference, he started to second guessed what he was about to do, but forced the words out anyway.

“Buffy, I…I’m sorry. I’d love to join you and the bit.” He could see that she was extremely taken aback.

“Really?” she asked, the beginnings of a smile touching the corners of her lips.

He just nodded, and her face erupted in one of the most beatific smiles he had ever seen.

“Uh, ok, well, why don’t you come over tomorrow night, around 8? Dawn wanted to come with me to visit mom tonight. She’s supposed to be getting out of the hospital in a few days, so…” Buffy trailed off uneasily, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Spike raised his eyebrows worriedly, “She’s still in the hospital? I thought she was just goen’ in for a standard check up.”

Buffy shook her head sadly. “No, I wish she was. She’s been getting these headaches and dizzy spells for a little while, turns out it was a tumor or something pressing on her brain that was making her sick. She’s scheduled to have the surgery in a few days. The Doctors say that there is a very good chance for a full recovery, but, well…we’re all a little shaky right now.”

Spike wasn’t sure what to think. His head was spinning. It struck him suddenly what a strong and resilient person the Slayer really was. Here she was; her mother was in the hospital with a brain tumor, she finds out that she has a daughter, she’s in love (or was) with a stupid pilock that treats her like dirt, and to top it all off, there’s a new big bad in town out to kill her.

‘How is she still standing?’ Spike asked himself in wonder.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, great lady, Joyce, strong. She’s a fighter.”

“Ya – ”

“Mom!” Dawn called from the other room, followed by Xander’s “Ok, does anybody else find that just a little weird?”

The sound brought the happy smile back to Buffy’s face. “See you later?” she asked, barley waiting for his nod before heading out the door.


“Dawn listen,” Buffy stopped them just before entering Joyce’s hospital room. “The doctor said that the tumor that’s pushing on mom’s brain might cause her to act weird or say weird things. She’s still Joyce, she’s just acting a little funny, ok?”

Dawn nodded her head resolutely. “Got it.” She said, turning to the door.

“Oh, one more thing,” Buffy stopped her again. “Mom knows you’re my daughter.” Buffy smiled down at her, stroking her long brown hair.

“Really? Cool!” Dawn smiled, bouncing into the room. “Hey grandma!” she chirped. Making Joyce chuckle and Buffy roll her eyes in good humor.

“Hi sweetheart.” Joyce replied, giving Dawn a hug as best she could from her spot on the bed. Her voice was gravely and tired, but happy.

“Hey mom, how are you feeling?” Buffy asked from Joyce’s other side after giving her a gentle hug as well.

“Oh, Buffy, hunny, I want to go home.” Joyce said in a tone that Buffy had never heard before; it was scared, sad, almost…childish.

“I know mom. But your surgery is tomorrow. I really don’t think the doctors are going to let you out the day before.” Buffy said, trying to placate her.

Joyce’s face turned harsh. “How dare you talk back to me! I am your mother you ungrateful brat!” she yelled, making Dawn jump away from where she had just been holding Joyce’s hand and look up at Buffy.

Buffy lowered her eyes and forced back her tears, but never let go of her mother’s hand.

“Buffy, are you ok?” Joyce asked, completely unaware of what she had just said.

“Ya mom, maybe you should get some rest.” Buffy suggested gently.

“Oh please, Buffy, Please. I just want to go home. You’re the Slayer, you can do it. You can do anything right?” Joyce pleaded again in that little girl tone.

Sighing, Buffy nodded. “Ok mom, we’ll see.”

Joyce seemed to relax a little into her pillow, placated for the moment.

About ten minutes later, Dr. Kriegel entered.

“Oh, tell him, Buffy. Tell him, ok?” Joyce said getting more animated than her condition allowed.

Sighing again, Buffy turned to face the doctor. “Look, Dr. Kriegel, we wanna go home.”

The doctor nodded, completely obtuse. “Well, of course. You can come back and visit your mother first thing in the morning.”

Buffy shook her head. “No. We. I-I mean, all of us. My mom too.”

Anxiously, Joyce stared at the doctor, twisting the bed sheet in her hands.

“Oh. Well, I understand that, but it’s not usually done, and I would highly recommend against it.”

Joyce nearly exploded in rage. “I can’t! I can’t stay here another night waiting for this operation, I just can’t! It makes my head hurt to be here! Can’t you tell that?!”

“Joyce, there’s no reason to get upset.” He tried to placate her.

“No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!” She continued to yell.

Scared by Joyce’s erratic behavior, Dawn quietly approached Buffy. “Mom, can I go for a walk?”

Looking down at Dawn sadly, Buffy nodded and handed her some money. “Here, why don’t you get something from the machine? And be careful. I know it’s a hospital, but it’s also Sunnydale.” Dawn nodded and rushed out of the room.

Seeing Dawn race out of the room made Joyce calm down a little. “I-I’m sorry I said that, I’m just tired.”

Buffy nodded, “I know” then turned towards the doctor. “Listen, Doctor, I don't see why we can't take her home, you know, just until...I-I mean, wouldn't it be better for her to rest someplace where she felt safe and comfortable?” Buffy argued softly.

“Even if it would mean some work for you, taking care of her?” The doctor asked.

Joyce sighed and leaned back into her pillow again. “Oh, thank god.”

Without having to think about it, Buffy agreed, “I’ll do it, anything.”

Giving up, Dr. Kriegel sighed and shook his head. “There are medications to administer, I'd have to go over those with you, and I'd need for you to check her vitals, watch her pretty closely. I'm afraid you won't get a lot of sleep.”

Buffy shrugged again, not even thinking about it. “I’m not much of a sleep person anyway.”

Anxiously, Joyce started to move in her bed. “Can we go now? Let’s go now!” she said, trying to get up.

“Hold on!” Buffy warned, stopping her gently, “Let me get all the medications and all the instructions on how to do everything first.”

“She’s right. Let’s do this right. We don’t want to forget anything.” Dr. Kriegel added.

Sighing, Joyce once again sat back in her bed.

“Well, I guess were all set then.” Said Dr. Kriegel, looking at a full dressed Joyce flanked by Buffy and Dawn on either side, and handing Buffy a piece of paper and three pill bottles.

“You’ve got my home phone number, pager number, and here, these are the medications I talked to you about. The sedative and so forth, painkillers.”

Buffy nodded her thanks. “Right. No problem.”

“Now, if this is gonna be too much for you, we can make your mom perfectly comfortable here.” Dr. Kriegel tried in one last dish effort to get Joyce to stay.

“No.” Buffy stated strongly. “No, no, I-I got this. We really, really appreciate-“

“You look just like your father when he cries.” Joyce said to Buffy, cutting her off with one of her slips.

Turning her attention back to the doctor, Buffy did her very best not to show how much her mother’s actions were starting to scare her. “I-I told you she’s been-“

Dr. Kriegel nodded his head in understanding. “I know. Joyce?” he called.

Joyce just continued to stare at Buffy in a daze.

“Joyce.” He calls again, getting her attention. “We’re all done here. Why don’t you take your girls home now.”

Joyce nodded, completely unaware of her slight episode. “Yes. Yes, thank you for all your help, doctor.”

Dr. Kriegel nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow Joyce.” He said, walking out the door.

“Oh, let’s get the hell outta here.” Joyce said with a sigh, as all three of them made their way out of the room and out of the hospital.

Walking through the door of the Summers home, Buffy quickly put down Joyce’s bags and turned to watch Dawn helping Joyce through the door.

“Oh, it’s nice to be home.” Joyce sighed.

Closing the door behind the pair, Buffy flipped on the lights, but didn’t notice when Joyce winced and put her hand to her eyes.

“Buffy, no, that light is too bright. It’s too bright.”

Buffy rushed to turn off the light, as Dawn rubbed Joyce’s shoulders.

“Oh, okay, okay!” Buffy said hurriedly.

“It’s too bright. Buffy, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts my eyes.”

“It’s off, it’s off. You know what,” Buffy turned to Dawn, “Dawnie, why don’t you turn off the lights in the living room.” She then turned back to Joyce. “And I will take you upstairs and we’ll shut off all the lights up there. Okay? Come on.” Buffy said, leading Joyce upstairs as Dawn hurried into the living room to turn off all of the lights as asked.

After Buffy and Dawn had managed to get Joyce situated in her own bed, the two had gone back down stairs to watch some TV.

It wasn’t 20 minutes later that both girls were alerted by the sound of clinking dishes coming from the kitchen.

“Joyce?” Dawn called out, getting up off of the couch and leading her way into the darkened room with Buffy following.

As the girls entered the room they saw Joyce bent over with her head in the refrigerator, and could hear a sizzling noise coming from the stove.

“Oh, my-“ Buffy gasped, rushing over to the stove and turning it off, lifting the pan off of the burner and coughing as what she guessed was at one point some type of food.

Dawn stayed back and just watched as Buffy dealt with the problem. After everything that had happened at the hospital earlier, Dawn knew to be weary of Joyce’s sudden mood swings.

“Mom, wha-what are you doing?” Buffy asked, taking note of her mother’s annoyed look, and straight posture.

“I’m making breakfast.” Joyce snapped angrily before closing the fridge and looking Buffy up and down. “And you shouldn’t eat any more, you’re disgustingly fat.”
Buffy’s face turned down with hurt, while Joyce’s face contorted in confusion.

“Oh, Buffy, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Joyce said putting a hand to her head, and Buffy and Dawn moved forward to take Joyce’s arms and lead her out of the kitchen and back up the stairs.

“You just need some rest. We’ll put you back to bed.” Buffy said, supporting her mother as they made their way up the stairs.

Once in Joyce’s room, Buffy left Dawn to help Joyce into bed as she went to fetch the pill bottles and a glass of water from the washroom.

“Ok, here we go.” Buffy said, coming back into the room, handing her mom the pills then the glass of water. “That will help you sleep. Come on, let’s get you all tucked into bed.” Buffy offered, taking the glass away and placing it on the night stand.

After making sure that her mother was comfortable, Buffy moved away from the bed to pick up the bath robe that Joyce had carelessly dropped on the floor.
Leaving Dawn to sit on the edge of the bed, stroking Joyce’s hand in a comforting gesture.

Just as Buffy was about to leave the room, Joyce sat bolt upright in bed, and gasped in fear, looking straight at Dawn.

“Don’t touch me! You – you thing!” Joyce yelled, cowering back in the bed.

“Joyce, please!” Dawn cried, backing up and looking helplessly to Buffy.

“Get away from me!” Joyce yelled again, as Buffy came over to wrap her arms protectively around Dawn.
“You’re nothing, you’re, you’re a shadow!”

“Mom-“

“I don’t know what you are or how you got here!” Joyce continued to rant.

“Mom, its Dawn.” Buffy intervened, edging Dawn towards the door. “Dawn, hunny, why don’t you go to your room for a second while I put mom to bed?” Buffy suggested, ushering her out the door.

With a nod Dawn hurried down the hall and into the relative safety of her room.

“Dawn? Honey, what’s wrong?” Joyce called, coming back to herself just as Dawn left the room.

“She’s…just tired. We all are.” Buffy says, coaxing a worried Joyce to lie back down. “Come on, go to sleep. I’ll check in on you in a little bit.” She says, closing the door behind her as she leaves.

“Dawn?” Buffy calls, knocking softly as she opens the door to see Dawn sitting on the bed with teary eyes.

“She hates me.” Dawn whimpered, looking down at her lap.

“No.” Buffy whispers with conviction, coming to kneel beside the bed.

“She called me a thing.” Dawn’s lip quivered.
“She loves you. Ok? She’s not herself.” Buffy reassured her. “Remember, I told you she would have these little episodes. It’s not her, it’s the sickness, remember?”

Dawn nodded, whipping the tears from her eyes, as Buffy pulled herself up to sit beside her daughter on the bed, and wrapping an arm around her.

“She called me a thing, mom…”

“Dawn-“

“I know, she doesn’t know what she’s saying, but…she’s not the only one. When I was in the waiting room, they were wheeling in a man on a stretcher and he called me a thing too. And then there was the weird guy outside the magic shop; he said I didn’t belong. He said I wasn’t real. But I am real.” Dawn raised fearful eyes to Buffy. “You said I was. You said I was real, mom.”

“You are Dawn. You are just as real as me or Spike or Dru. You’re just, well, as Giles would say ‘more para, than normal.” Buffy smiled, stroking Dawn’s hair soothingly.

Dawn smiled slightly, and leaned fully into Buffy’s side.
“Is Joyce going to be ok, mom?” Dawn asked the same question from the other night.

With a soft, pained sigh, Buffy kissed Dawns head, and gave the same answer as before: “I don’t know Dawnie…I really don’t know.”

“I wish that someone had bothered to tell me that there would be tennis being played!” Joyce said angrily, laying on her back on the bed with her knees bent and her hands either side of her head. The blankets are shoved to the end of the bed.

“I just didn't know. Those eyes ... Those eyes, they're like gasoline puddles!” She yells, before lowering her voice to whisper, “Tell me. Tell me because I need to know why, why are you staring at me like that?”

In her room, Dawn lay on her bed, listening to Joyce’s rambling through the thin walls unwillingly.

“What are you asking me? You are asking me, aren't you? Is this a test? And if this counts for the final grade, I need to know now!” Dawn’s face contorted into a mixed expression of fear and sadness.

“Okay, there are teachers, and they put this on the syllabus, but they do not stare down at you, they do not cling, they do not look down on you....”

Finally, out of a frightened frustration, Dawn grabbed her pillow and pulled it over her ears, trying to blot out the sound of Joyce’s sobbed ramblings.

“You know there are people who are nice, and they give you presents, even when you are bad.”

Back in the kitchen, Buffy had decided to try taking her mind off of everything that was happening, and forcing herself to focus on the dishes that were lining the kitchen sink. Turning on the radio, Buffy made a feeble attempt to drown out the sound of Joyce’s delusional ramblings.

Biting her lip, Buffy put her best efforts into forcing herself not to cry. But it was only after a few dishes that the dam broke, and great heaping sobs wracked her tiny frame.

Even with the music playing, and being a floor up, Buffy could still hear Joyce’s ranting:
“Does someone know you're here? Because they should have told you that at the gate. You are ‘not’ supposed to be here. I need to rest now. I-I don't like the way you're staring at me!” A pause. “Did they tell you that at the gate?”

With another ragged sob, Buffy reached over to turn the volume up on the radio until, finally, nothing could be heard but the cheerful music, and Buffy’s tears.

“Stop staring at me, I don't like it!” Joyce yelled at the ceiling.

With a sudden squeal, the small cockroach like demon, that had been tormenting Joyce ever since Buffy and Dawn had left the room, dropped from the ceiling, making Joyce scream in terror.

Hearing the shriek, Dawn jumped up from her bed to race down the hall to Joyce’s room.

“Get off me!” Joyce managed to scream again, just before the slimy little demon crawled up into Joyce’s chest, spitting a suffocating slim on to her face.

Dawn opened the door just in time to see Joyce thrashing on the bed with the little creature on top of her.

With a gasp, Dawn moved into the room, grabbing the coat rack, shaking the clothes off of it, and attacking the creature that had turned its head to face her as soon as she had opened the door.

Rushing forward, Dawn managed to shove the demon off of the bed, and watched as Joyce pulled the now hard slim off of her face.

There is a slight lull as Joyce continued to gasp, sucking air into her lungs. Dawn ignored her, doing as her father had taught her and focusing all of her attention on the threat, and where it might be. Thanks to the small amount of training she received from both parents, Dawn was semi prepared for icky demon which launched its self at her from behind the bed.

Deciding on a quick plan of action, Dawn turned and ran down the hall and into her room, leading the demon away from Joyce. It wasn’t until Dawn reached her room that she realised that ‘to my room and away from Joyce’ was as far as her planning went. With fearful eyes, Dawn turned and ran back in to the hall, and in to the washroom.

“Buffy!!” Dawn screamed.

Unfortunately, the music, combined with the running of the tap, and Buffy’s tears, Dawn’s cries went unanswered.

Running through Buffy’s room, Dawn darted back into Joyce’s room to see her sitting up in bed, clawing at her face and gasping. Closing the door, Dawn pulled an exercise bike over to barricade the door. Rushing over to the opposite entrance, Dawn slams it shut.
Finally, taking a huge breath, Dawn reared back and used the lungs her mother had given her.

“MOM!”

Hearing her daughter’s yell Buffy dropped the towel she had been using to dry her face and spun, racing out of the kitchen, up the stairs and down the hall. With a gasp, Buffy opened the door to Joyce’s room to see Dawn and Joyce on the bed with Joyce still whipping slime off of her face.

“What? What is it?” Buffy breathed.

“There’s something out there, mom. It’s after Joyce!”

With a nod, Buffy moved slightly back from the door.
“Ok, you guys stay in here. Don’t leave this room.”

Just as Buffy closed the door, the gross little demon dropped from the ceiling to land on her face.
Struggling, Buffy tries to get a hold of it, unable to get a good grip, Buffy urged forward, slamming it into a wall, before slipping and tumbling down the stairs.

With a pained squeak, the little demon crawled away.

“I have really got to stop using the stairs as a weapon.” Buffy quipped, rubbing the back of her neck, looking around in confusion and starting to move slowly through the darkened house.

Going into the kitchen, Buffy grabbed the largest knife off of the knife rack, and spun, continuing her search.

With a sudden shriek the demon attacked Buffy from a darkened corner, lunging at her head again. Prepared this time for its attack, Buffy wielded the knife against her forearm with the tip pointing towards her elbow, and the sharp edge facing the demon. Bringing her arms up to protect her face, Buffy waited for the perfect moment before pushing her elbow forward and slicing the little creature diagonally across its chest. With a pained squeal, it fell to the ground, trying to crawl away. Seeing its escape attempt, Buffy quickly moved forward, stabbing it directly where she assumed the heart to be.

With a sigh, Buffy moved away from the body to make her way up the stairs and into Joyce’s room.

“It's gone. I killed it.” She said, moving into the room and sitting in between Joyce and Dawn on the bed.

“Oh god.” Joyce sighed with relief.

“It's gone? You promise?” Dawn whimpered, cuddling into Buffy’s arms.

“I promise.” Buffy said, putting her arms around both Dawn and Joyce as they hugged her, putting their heads on her shoulders. “Everything's all right. Everything's all right.” She whispered, soothingly.

The next day all available scoobies were at the hospital, there to support Buffy, and wish Joyce good luck.

As the nurses prepped Joyce for surgery, Buffy alone sat by her side. Joyce winced as the IV entered her arm, and both let out a sigh when the last nurse finally left.

“Buffy, uh,” Joyce cleared her throat. “I'm gonna ask you something, a-and if I'm, if I'm being crazy you just tell me, okay?”

Buffy nodded “You got it.”

“The other day ... well, actually, I'm, I'm not sure when, the days seem to all bleed together...”

“It's not important.” Buff reassured her.

“No, I guess it isn't. I do know I was ... pretty out of it, and I had ... not-not a dream ... exactly, more like I had this ... knowledge, i-it just came to me like ....truth, you know? Even though it didn't seem...possible, even though I shouldn't even think such things.” Joyce trailed off.

“What?”

“That Dawn...”

Buffy looked at her with interest.

“That Dawn... she really is yours, isn’t she?”

Buffy looked concerned that Joyce might be having another episode. “Mom, we talked about this already, remember? Dawn is my daughter, mine and Spike’s.”

“I know, I just…with all of the unexplainable things that seem to happen around you, I have to say…this one I am most proud of.” Joyce said with a peaceful, yet proud expression.

Tearing, Buffy nodded. “Me too. And yes, she really is mine.”

Joyce nodded, “And she's important. To the world. Precious.” Again Buffy nodded. “As precious as you are to me.”

Buffy managed to smile through the tears now making their way down her cheeks.

“Buffy, I need you to know…If anything happens, if I don't come through this-“

“Mom-“

“No, listen to me. I need you to know how proud of you I am. With all that’s happened, with everything you’ve done, you have turned into an incredible person. And no one could ever ask for a better daughter. I know that you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye when you were growing up. And for that I want to apologise-”

“Mom…” Buffy croaked with emotion.

“I’m sorry for all of the added stress and pressure that I put on you over the years. I’m sorry for not understanding, for not trying to understand. I’m sorry – I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. And, I’m sorry if you ever felt neglected or ignored.” Joyce purged with a sigh of relief, as though releasing a heavy burden. “I love you Buffy. And I want you to know. No matter what happens, I will always be here for you.” She said, running her hand down Buffy wet cheek, gently whipping the tears away.

“You are by far the one thing in my life that I am most proud of.”

Buffy allowed tears to fall, but refused to break down. She had to be strong. Later, after she dropped Dawn off at school, and the house was empty, Buffy would allow herself to cry, to release. To rest, just for a moment.

“I love you too mom.”

Joyce smiled, wrapping her arms around her little girl.

“My sweet brave Buffy. What would I do without you?” Joyce whispered into Buffy’s long soft hair.

With a sigh, Buffy and Joyce reluctantly pulled apart as a nurse entered.

Walking out the door and into the waiting room, Buffy looked at her friends.

Her family.

With more strength then she really felt, Buffy moved forward and into Giles’s open arms.

“It’s alright Buffy.” He whispered in her ear, holding her tight. “We’re here. All of us are here for you. You’re not alone. Everything will be fine.” He whispered reassuringly, ignoring the tightening pressure around his ribs.

With a shaky nod, Buffy moved back to give him a winsome smile before moving out of his embrace and over to Dawn.

Everyone was silent as Joyce was wheeled out on the gurney. With one arm up behind her head, Joyce smiled calmly and waved slightly as she was pulled backwards, watching her daughter and her family until the very last minute, keeping eye contact even as the surgery ward doors swung shut with a soft whoosh.

“Dawn, get the door!” Buffy’s voice called from the kitchen.

It was just after school, and Buffy was in the kitchen putting the snacks together for Dawn and her friends.

Joyce’s surgery had been a complete success according to the doctors. They had insisted on keeping her overnight for observation but she was due to come home sometime tomorrow night.

“Got it mom!” Dawn called, running down the stairs.

“Dad?!” Dawn said with surprise, opening the door wider and staring in shock. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to keep the Slayer distracted while you and the kiddies destroy the house.” Spike said with a slight grin.

“I heard that.” Buffy said, coming around the corner with a smile tugging at her lips as she tried to look stern.

“Eh, hi Slayer.” Spike said uncomfortably, shifting his weight slightly.

Buffy’s smile dampened slightly, but didn’t leave her face.

“Hey Spike. Why don’t you come into the kitchen and help me put some stuff together?”

Spike looked relieved and smiled slightly as he felt the threshold barrier dissolve, and followed Buffy into the kitchen with a nod of his head.

Over the course of the afternoon, Dawn’s party went off without a hitch. After the other kids had arrived, they had all settled down to play board games and watch movies, while Spike helped Buffy put out the snacks and drinks.

While the kids were watching their movies, Buffy left for a quick patrol, asking Spike to keep an eye on them.

After she had left, Spike sat back to just take stock of the evening so far. They hadn’t talked much. In fact, if they had spoken to each other at all it had been Buffy giving him instructions, or telling him what she knew of Dawn’s friends.

Spike still wasn’t sure how he felt, or really had any clue as to what he was doing. But for the hour and a bit they had spent puttering around in the kitchen, Spike was struck but the unfamiliar feeling of…Home? Family? Warmth? Whatever it was it gave him the feeling of nostalgia and made him think of times of before he had been turned and his mother.

Spike was shaken from his thoughts when Buffy came stumbling through the back door, with a bleeding gash above her left eye.

“Whoa, you alright there Slayer?” Spike asked, getting up from his seat at the counter, and walking over to her.

“Ya, ya I’m fine.” Buffy said, brushing off his obviously fake concern and making her way as quickly as she could up the stairs, and out of sight.

“Mom?”

Spike heard Dawn call out in a worried tone when Buffy didn’t move fast enough.

“I’ll be right there Dawnie!” Buffy’s voice rang through the house.

“What’s up with mom?” Dawn asked, coming into the kitchen.

With a frustrated sigh, Spike scraped his hands over his face. “I really wish you wouldn’t call her that.”

Dawn didn’t even bother with a response and just glared at him before turning on her heal and going back to her friends.

A minute or so later Buffy came down the stairs freshly showered, and a green and yellow bruise around the cut above her eye.

“Hey, everything ok while I was gone?” Buffy asked, limping slightly into the kitchen and grabbing two ice packs out of the freezer

“Ya fine.” Spike shrugged, looking at her expectantly.

“Good.” She said, holding one of the icepacks to her hip, and placing the other one on the counter while she busied herself with making hot chocolate.

“Well?” Spike prompted in annoyance.

“Well, what?” she replied, not turning around.

“Don’t give me that crap Slayer, are you going to tell me what happened or not?”

“Not.”

“What, you run into a tree or something?” Spike asked sarcastically.

“Sure, I ran into a tree.” She said stubbornly, still not turning to face him. Distantly, Spike noticed that she set out two cups on the counter.

“Damn it Slayer, why are you being so stubborn?” Spike growled.

“Why do you care?” Buffy snapped back, her head to the side just enough to be able to look at him.

Spike straightened with a look on his face as though he’d just been slapped.

In the seconds that followed Buffy’s question, two thoughts were running through his head. The first one was: ‘She’s right, why do I care? It can’t…I don’t actually care about her…do I?’ The second one was: ‘Bloody bint. Serves her right, getten’ her head bashed in. Fucken’ Slayer. Care about her! Me? Bloody insultin’ is what that is!’

Being the vampire that he was, Spike went with the most vulgar thought.

“You know? You’re right Slayer, I don’t care. Thanks for reminding me. Say, you wouldn’t mind tellen me what got a hold of ya anyway, would ya? I’m thinken’ of buyen’ ‘im a beer. Na, wait, he managed to draw blood, ‘d have to add a few shots of Jack to go with it.” He smirked cruelly.

This time, when that feeling in his gut twisted painfully, he told himself that it was suppressed joy at seeing the defeated slump in the Slayer’s shoulders.

“Please leave.” She said quietly, knowing that he would hear her.

“Oooh, what’s the matter Slayer? Did I hit a button?” He asked smugly, grinning.

“Don’t do this Spike. Please, not today.” She said, turning to face him. A pillar of strength.

Spike was still grinning sadistically, when Dawn came walking into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

“Hey mom?” Dawn asked sleepily.

“Yes Dawnie?” Buffy answered with a false smile, walking over to Dawn.

“I think everyone’s ready to go home.” Dawn yawned.

“Ok sweetheart. You get everyone packed up and I’ll drive them home.”

“Ok.” Said the little girl, walking back out of the room.

Buffy turned to Spike, who looked to have calmed down during her talk with Dawn.

“I’m going to take Dawn’s friends home. And when we get back, I expect you to be gone.” That said, Buffy turned on her heal, like her daughter before her, and strode out of the room.

***

On their way home from dropping off the other children, Dawn finally asked: “Mom, are you alright?”

“Ya Dawnie, I’m fine. I guess I was a little distracted tonight. Let some stupid fledgling nearly get a hold of me. Don’t worry, nothing your old mom can’t handle.”
Buffy said with a reassuring smile.

Dawn giggled. “Old? Mom, you’re twenty.”

“Yes, but in Slayer years that’s like…one hundred and forty. I’m older than your dad!”

This made both of them laugh until Dawn broached a topic they had both been avoiding.

“Mom, when I came into the kitchen earlier…were you and dad fighting?”

Buffy sighed sadly. “I’m sorry Dawn. I hope we didn’t ruin your party.” She took a deep breath, and continued on before Dawn could speak. “Dawn…You should know that I’m going to have Willow take away your dad’s invitation to the house…permanently.”

Sadly, Dawn nodded her head in resignation.

“I just…I thought, after our little talk, things could be different…be better. I guess I wanted things to be better so badly, that…I chose to see the prince, instead of the frog.”

“I don’t get it mom, he’s so mean to you. How can you love him, even after everything he has done to you?” Dawn asked.

Buffy smiled sadly, and Dawn didn’t want to think about the fact that she couldn’t remember a time when Buffy smiled with nothing but happiness behind it.

“Spike…William…is a good man at heart. Your dad, he…he puts up these walls and masks to try and hide the man he once was. The man he still is. Spike either doesn’t know it, or doesn’t want to believe it, but, William never died. He still lives on. And on the rare occasion that Spike lets his guard down, William is there…For anyone to see, if they would just look. I’m trying to explain this in a way you’ll understand. With Spike, I respect his skill as a warrior, and his dedication to do the right thing, even when that means going against his own nature. With William, I respect his values, his dreams…who he is. What he stands for. Maybe you’re right Dawn. Maybe I’m wrong, and what I feel isn’t love. Isn’t the saying; ‘You can’t have love without trust’?”

Dawn nodded, her eyes full of unshed tears.

“But then, even that’s all covered in gray. I don’t trust Spike not to hurt me; emotionally or physically. But I do trust him not to hurt others. I trust him with my friends, with you. I trust that if I ever really needed him to be somewhere, or help me when everything was on the line, he would be there. Not for me; but because it was the right thing to do. I don’t know if that answers your question but: would I trust Spike with my life? … No. Would I trust him with yours? In a heartbeat.”

Dawn had nothing to say to that, deciding to simply nod her head.

The rest of the ride home was made in comfortable silence.

When they finally got home, the house was completely silent and empty.

***

The next day, Buffy had just entered the Magic Shop to talk to Willow about doing the permanent disinvite on the house, when she remembered the red head mentioning something about an early test.
With a sigh, Buffy shrugged her shoulders, and turned to leave.

“I’m sorry.”

Buffy jumped and turned at the sound of the voice.

“For what?” Buffy asked neutrally, not letting her body language or voice give away any emotion.

“For…fuck. For everything, pet. For the way I’ve been acting, for the way that I’ve treated you…fuck, pet, I’m sorry.”

Spike sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Buffy nodded, looking at the ground with her arms over her chest protectively.

“Ya, I’m sorry too.” She said softly.

“No!” Spike said in frustration, striding towards her quickly. He stopped when she started backing away from him so that they were standing just feet apart.

“No, you don’t get it. I am sorry, actually fucking sorry. This isn’t just another bloody line, I actually mean it. For the things I’ve done, the things I said, the way I treated you…You never deserved any of it…and I don’t know what else I can say. Tell me Buffy, what do you need me to do?”

Buffy was speechless. She just stood there in the center of the shop, staring at him with her mouth slightly open.

Giving herself a little shake, Buffy brought her focus back to Spike and what he had just said.

“I…I-I can’t.” Buffy took a deep breath. “I can’t Spike, that’s not how it works. I can’t just give you a list of chores, and all is forgiven.”

“I know that, Buffy. I know. And I’m not asking you to forgive me…I’m asking you…if you can trust me?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Buffy-“

“What do you want from me Spike? You want me to forgive you? You want me to just flip a switch and we can just pretend that you throwing me down a flight of stairs, and the horrible things you said, never happened? Well I can’t, as I said, it doesn’t work that way!” As Buffy’s voice started to rise, the tears rose as well. Making her even more angry at herself than she was at him.

“I can’t Spike... I just...I can’t.” She said, lowering her head in shame.

“Please luv.” The sound of Spike’s voice cracking caused Buffy’s head to snap up and look him right in the eyes. “Just one more chance.”

Buffy stared at him for a moment, as though trying to figure him out.

Spike could see she was wavering, and decided to put one last nail in the coffin.

“Please Buffy...For Dawn.”

That did it. With a widening of her eyes, Buffy’s shoulders slumped, and she looked to the ground again.

“Alright.” She said, her voice barely audible. “I’ll follow your lead. Just let me know how you want to handle this.” She turned and left quickly, not letting say another word. Her head was completely scattered and her heart was in knots.

What the hell was she doing?

Over the next few weeks everything settled into a surprisingly easy routine. Joyce had come home after her surgery, only to have Buffy dote on her whenever she got the chance. Dawn was once again living in the Summers residence, and thuroly enjoying all of the attention she was getting from her new grandmother.
The newest, and most surprising addition to Buffy’s home life was Spike.

When she had told him to take the lead, she had figured that he would merely focus his attentions on Dawn and maybe Joyce. She hadn’t expected him to come over for dinner every night, and make a play at them being a real family.

It took some getting used to, but Buffy was proud of herself, and the way she was handling everything.

Over the next month or so, as Joyce recovered, Buffy and Spike grew closer; going on patrols together, sitting in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate after Dawn had gone to bed and discussing their days.

The biggest difference in their relationship was the conversation. As time went on and they learned to trust each other more, both Spike and Buffy allowed themselves to open up. They talked about everything, from their favorite battles to their favorite foods.

Of course, she didn’t know about him but, in Buffy’s mind, her and Spike were slowly mending. And she thought, maybe, even becoming friends.

Little did she know, this new happy environment was merely the calm before the storm.

***

It was weeks later, when Buffy entered her silent house. Closing the door behind her, she vagly wondered at the silence. ‘Well, Dawn is over at Janice’s, and mom is probably having a nap.’ Taking a step forward towards the stairs, Buffy was proven right by the sight of her mother asleep on the couch. In her work clothes. And her eyes open.

“Mom?” Joyce didn’t move. Didn’t blink. Buffy took a shallow step closer. “Mommy?” The pale blue tint that now covered her skin seemed almost transparent, where the sickly yellow colour that clouded her eyes made them unrecognizable.

Almost demonic.

Dead.

Buffy knew. She knew instantly. She had seen bodies look like this every time she had been too late to save someone. But this wasn’t a body. This wasn’t merely a failure on her shoulders. This was her mother…her mother…

In slow motion Buffy walked over to the couch, not wanting, but knowing, that she had to check the body.

She had to call someone. The police? The ambulance? She couldn’t remember her address. Who was she supposed to call? ‘Watcher’ her mind whispered to her.

‘Giles. Call Giles.’ He was on speed dial. Even if she was silent he would know to come for her.

It felt as though she was trying to move through water, slow and sluggish, and taking all of her strength to lift her foot off the ground. Even her brain had near shutdown. It was only the strength of the Slayer that forced her to walk into the kitchen and pick up the phone.

“Giles?” She didn’t notice that her voice had taken on a small, dull, yet almost childish tone.

“Buffy? What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” Even the comfort that Buffy usually got just from the sound of her watchers voice was gone now. In its place, a slow creeping numbness that was threatening her entirety.

“Help.” She whispered, as she sank to the floor. Her eyes open yet unseeing, just like her mothers are…were…

“Buffy?! What is it? Buffy speak to me!” Even the sound of Giles’s frantic voice didn’t shake her.

“Help.” She whispered one more time before letting the phone fall to the floor.

Finally her strength gave out, and, like a frightened child, Buffy sank to the floor to lay on her side in a featle position. Her eyes open, yet unseeing. And waited.

***

Hours.

Minutes.

Days.

Seconds.

Nothing.

Numbness.

Nothing.

As Buffy sat, curled into a ball against the wall, her knees tucked into her chin, she lost all sense of time.

She didn’t care how long she had been sitting there, but as soon as her Watcher’s worried and pain filled face interrupted her vision, she felt as though she were waking from a dream.

“Giles?”

“I’m here Buffy. I’m here.” He said, reaching a hand out slowly and stroking her hair.

Buffy blinked once, then uncurled herself and gently climbed into Giles’s arms; silently begging for his comfort.

If Giles was surprised by her actions, he didn’t show it.
He merely sat there on the kitchen floor rocking Buffy silently, waiting for her to wake up from her trance like state.

*

“Giles?” Buffy asked in a hoarse voice an hour later.

“Yes Buffy?”

“Where’s Dawn?”

Despite himself, Giles couldn’t help the loving smile that crossed his face. With all of the horrors in this young woman’s life, her first thought was still of others.

“I called her father right after the ambulance left. He said he will be sure to pick her up and that she could sleep at his...residence for the night.” Ever since Buffy had told him about her feelings for the bleached vampire, Giles had had a hard time even saying his name, often times just referring to him as “the vampire”. In a moment of honesty, Giles confessed to the Slayer one night, that, it wasn’t the potential for a relationship between the two that caused the aversion, but the fact that “the vampire” had hurt Buffy, both physically and emotionally, he did not feel that such a creature deserved her affections.

Buffy nodded her head. She seemed to become more alert with every passing moment.

“Did-did you-did you tell him? About mom?”

Giles sighed.

“No. I didn’t think it wise to have him come running over here unnecessarily, or telling Dawn before you could be there to comfort her.”

Buffy nodded again, and let her stiff muscles relax a fraction.

“What-what happened?” She asked shakily, still not letting he eyes focus on anything.

“I called the emergencies, and they came and took away her body. It’s at the hospital now. When you feel up to it, they’ll need you to identify the body.”

Buffy listened, and she understood what Giles was telling her, and the terms he was using. In their world, after a person truly died, their body was rendered what it was at its basest form. A home for the spirit. What Giles was trying to remind Buffy by using those terms, was that; Joyce may have been gone from this plane, but it was now her time to move on to her next task: whatever that might be.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy let it out in a sigh, and slowly stood up.

Just as Giles stood up from the floor with a stiff groan, Buffy’s eyes bulged, and she lunged for the kitchen sink; emptying the contents of her stomach.

Giles waited a few steps back, not sure how to handle the situation. It wasn’t until Buffy had started to fall apart in front of the sink that Giles let his instincts take over, and he rushed to hold Buffy up as she released her pain.

The sounds coming from his surrogate daughter’s throat were so agonizing and pure, that Giles had to wonder how long this release had been building.

“It’s ok Buffy, it’s ok. I’m here. I’ll help you. I’ll help you.” Giles whispered into her hair over and over again.

Holding and supporting her as she finally purged herself.