She flinched at the stern but worried tone of his voice. Dawn stood next to her, in sight of the frenzied vampire, while she leaned against the wall, eyes closed tight, heart pounding, head spinning, hands throbbing in pain. She swallowed hard, her dry throat becoming drier by the moment.

Dawn began her descent down the stairs.

“You. I could kill you,” he seethed, his voice shaky but carrying more of a fatherly tone than that of a soulless vampire.

“Spike,” she said evenly, still heading down the stairs, body stiff, eyes uncertain but ready for the big reveal.

“I mean it. I could rip your head of one handed and drink from your brain stem,” he added. Buffy could hear the floorboards creaking as he shifted from side to side, not wanting to stand still for too long. He sounded as if he’d been running around over half of Sunnydale in pursuit of the burden Buffy had left him with.

Dawn was level with him now, looking into his eyes. Hers were full of uncertain answers, his were full of angered questions. There was a standstill. Nobody spoke, and Buffy clutched her chest for a minute, trying to make sense of it all. Her heart was beating. She was breathing. But just hours ago, she’d been somewhere else, somewhere better. But she couldn’t remember it, and it made her crazy to know that there was something better than this life, and whatever it was, wherever she’d been for…how long…was already lost to her. But the residual feelings left over told her it was quiet, easier.

When neither spoke again, she took a deep breath that made her lungs ache. She began the descent, catching her first glimpse of him, hair a bit messy, no doubt from the evening he’d had. If it was anything in comparison to her own evening, he looked like he’d gotten off easy.

“Spike, look,” Dawn coaxed, as she heard her sister’s footsteps on the stairs. Buffy shivered, as Spike looked at her with first, indifference, which quickly turned to contempt, which slowly began to fade into something unrecognizable. His gaze burned her until it turned back to Dawn. “Yeah? I’ve seen the bloody Bot before. Didn’t think she’d patch up so…” His eyes flickered back up to Buffy, who moved as stiffly as her sister just had. And when he finally looked into her eyes, he saw.

He was silent now, and Dawn moved aside a little. Buffy found herself holding her breath, face expressionless, as she stared into his eyes. His features softened, and he realized that this wasn’t a dream. This wasn’t some robot he’d originally created for his entertainment or pleasure. This wasn’t even the revamped Bot that Willow had programmed to fight as a Slayer. No. This was the real, true Slayer. He could smell her. Blood. Human blood. Slayer blood.

“She’s kind of, um…she’s been through a lot with the…death.” Buffy glanced away from Spike. Down. At her sister. Dawn turned to look at Buffy, and she avoided her gaze. “But I think she’s ok.” Looking down, Buffy realized she’d forgotten the rest of her buttons and quickly began working at them. It was then that he noticed the gashes on her knuckles, but he couldn’t speak. He could only stare, his eyes taking on a bewildered expression before changing back and forth between happiness and disbelief. “Spike? Are you ok?” Another pause.

“I’m…” he started, each moment that passed with her in front of him making it feel even more real. But how? Without taking his eyes off of the slayer, he spoke again. “What did you do?”

“Me?” Dawn asked, her voice high, surprised, happy, unwilling to believe that this was anything but a good dream. “Nothing!” She shook her head. Buffy, wanting answers herself but not really feeling up to asking the questions, looked back up at Spike, seeing the same man she’d seen just before they’d gone off to fight Glory. He wasn’t the same Spike he’d once been, and she could tell that, however much time had passed, he was still the man who’d taken care of her sister and helped save the world.

Her hands were clasped on her shirt now, just over the top button, and he finally found the words.

“Her hands…” He was still speaking to Dawn. Buffy moved her hands behind her so he couldn’t see.

“Um…” Dawn squeaked out, “I…I was gonna fix them. I don’t know how they got like that.” He could see the slayer struggling, as if part of her was trying to run away from the conversation. He knew. He’d been there once. He remembered the pain of gasping for breath when there was none, digging for air, clawing, ripping, bleeding.

“I do,” he breathed, looking down at her shadowed hands. “Clawed her way out of her coffin, that’s how.” He looked up again. “Isn’t that right?” Buffy’s head, still spinning, managed to let her know that he was in fact speaking to her, and she hesitated.

“Yeah,” she finally whispered, the words stinging her throat. “That’s what I had to do.”

“I’ve done it myself,” he said with a slow nod, not wanting to push her into any conversation she wasn’t ready for. He knew what it was like to wake from the dead, not really understanding that it had actually happened. Except she wasn’t a demon. She was Buffy. She had her soul all intact. That, he could see.

He realized by the strange look coming over Dawn’s face and the awkward avoiding grimace on Buffy’s face that he had been staring for far too long. He shook his head.

“Um…we’ll take care of you. Come on.” He reached out for her, and to both of their surprises, she didn’t slink away from his reach. He, however, hesitated when he grazed her shoulder, and he turned to give orders to a confused Dawn. “Get some stuff. Uh, mercurochrome, bandages.”

“Okay,” Dawn said softly, as she watched her sister and protector head into the living room before heading off to get what Spike had asked her to get.

Buffy sat down on the sofa, intensely quiet, and Spike sat across from her on the coffee table. He was close enough that their knees touched, and when he instinctually took her bloodied hands in his, she didn’t pull away. She looked down at their joined hands, and he did too, for a moment, but when he looked up, she was looking at him. He couldn’t read her emotions, but he knew she was in pain. Maybe not complete physical pain, but there wasn’t anything there in her eyes that screamed happiness for being back here.

After a few moments, Buffy found the words to speak. Seeing the worry in his eyes made her feel comforted somehow. But whatever question she had, she knew he wasn’t going to lie to her. What was the point? He had no reason to soften the blow. He had to reason to make her feel better about any of this. She knew Dawn would avoid talking about whatever had happened, and she knew her friends…well, they had something to do with it, she knew, but they would try to explain themselves first, and she didn’t want those kinds of answers.

“How long was I gone?” His hands tightened on hers, but he relaxed, not wanting her to hurt any more than she already was. Truth time.

“Hundred and forty-seven days yesterday, uh, a hundred and forty-eight today.” He smiled weakly. He couldn’t read her expression. It was lifeless. “Except today doesn’t count, does it?” He closed his eyes for a moment, looking back down at their joined hands. Her gaze followed his, and he could feel her trembling. She was scared. Or nervous. Or overwhelmed. Or something. Whatever it was, it was a human emotion, one he had found himself feeling quite often when he thought of her. He looked back up at her. “How long was it for you…where you were?” Her gaze slowly lifted to his eyes again.

“Longer.” Spike nodded knowingly, and he opened his mouth to speak again, but Dawn came back in.

“Got the stuff.” She placed it next to Spike on the coffee table, and he nodded.

“That’s Nibblet,” he said quietly.

“Anything else?”

“Put on the kettle,” he suggested.

“I’m not thirsty,” Buffy managed, as she examined her bleeding hands.

“That’s alright, but I need some tea to calm my nerves, luv,” he breathed.

“Sure,” Dawn said, realizing that she really wasn’t part of the conversation. She headed back to the kitchen. Spike gently held one of her hands at a time as he doctored them up, covering her scratches in gauze and bandages. She sat there without speaking, only staring at him as he worked. He could feel her eyes on his face, and once in a while, he would look up to meet her gaze, and she would look down, look anywhere but at him, and he wondered what she was thinking about.

“There,” he said warmly, placing her hands down on her lap. “All done.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “You didn’t have to do that.” The tea kettle screamed from the kitchen, and Dawn raced about trying to find the tea bags. Soon, she came out carrying a tray with three cups.

“I…I know you said you weren’t thirsty, but I…I thought something hot to drink might make you feel better.”

“Thanks,” Buffy muttered. Spike took her cup and set it aside to cool along with his own, while Dawn said down next to her sister, blowing over her own steaming cup before taking a small sip. Spike glanced at Dawn, wondering if she truly was out of the loop about everything that had happened. But he judged by her cautious gazes at her sister that she really had no idea. It had to be the rest of the lot. The witch. Of course. Who else? Something inside him boiled up angrily, and he reached for his tea, his hands shaking a bit. Buffy eyed him, wondering if he was okay. She was the one that was being taken care of, but apparently, somebody needed to take care of him too.

“Where are they?” Dawn asked, breaking the silence. “They should be here.”

“It’s ok, Dawn,” Buffy said slowly. “It’s late. You…you should go to bed.” Dawn, a little taken aback, gawked at her sister.

“I’m not going to sleep. Not after…look, I want to talk, and…”

“We can talk in the morning. It’s…it’s late.”

“Right,” Dawn said quietly. “I’ll help you up to…”

“I wanna sit up for a little longer. I was asleep for…”

“Oh,” Dawn said quietly. “OK.” She drank down the rest of her tea. “Want your tea now?” Buffy nodded, and Spike made a move to hand her her cup. She nursed it, each warm sip easing her raw throat. She closed her eyes, letting the steam caress her face, warming her. As cold as she’d been, she wondered if that was what Spike felt like every second of the day. “Spike? Are you…”

“I’ll sleep on the couch one more night, Bit,” he assured her. “Go on. Get some sleep. I’ll make sure your big sis gets her rest.”

“Well,” he said uncertainly, chewing her lower lip. “Ok.” She slowly wrapped her arms around her sister. Buffy flinched at first, but slowly drew her arm around her sister. “I love you, Buffy. Don’t ever leave me like that again.”

“Love you too, Dawnie.” She closed her eyes tightly, and after a few moments, she let her sister go. Dawn headed up the stairs, and Spike drank down his tea, standing up quickly and putting the dishes on the tray. Buffy took the last sip of her tea and handed the cup to him. He hurried off to the kitchen, and she couldn’t help but think it funny that he was cleaning up. He was nervous too. She could see it in his edginess. Was she making him this way?

She waited in the living room, hearing the clanging of tea cups as he put them in the sink. She sat, feeling too tired to move. She just stared. Despite the stillness of the house, uneasiness flooded over her, as if everything around her was moving quickly, and she was moving in slow motion. Wherever she’d been, this uneasiness hadn’t existed.

“Buffy?” Buffy looked up at the sound of Spike’s voice, seeing him standing in front of the couch, a concerned look creasing his face again.

“Huh?”

“I was calling your name. Are you…”

“I’m fine,” she said quickly, standing up, the fastest move she’d made in front of him this evening. “You don’t have to stay.” Her voice sounded flat, defeated. He knew she didn’t mean it. “I’m sure you have other things to do.”

“Nothing important,” he muttered, sitting down across from her again. He wanted to reach for her hands, but he wasn’t sure she’d let him now. She slowly sat down on the couch again. Neither spoke for a few minutes, and Spike finally cleared his throat.

“You should try to get some sleep.”

“I’ve been asleep for months,” she breathed. “I’m not tired.”

“Yeah, but you look like you could drop at any minute.”

“Thanks.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.”

“Slayer, you’ve had a long night. I think…”

“Why am I here?”

“What?” She just stared at him. “You know as well as I do, pet. Don’t know a bloody thing.” He was shaking a little again. “I’m guessing your friends had something to do with it. Come to think of it, they’ve been acting a bit dodgy these past few days. But I’ve been on Dawn patrol for the past few months so…”

“How was she?”

“Your little sis? She was a wreck. Can’t blame her. Lost her mum and her sister in the same year. But Tara and Willow moved in.”

“Yeah, she said that.”

“I’m surprised they’re not here.”

“They’re probably still out looking for me,” Buffy confessed. “I took off. I…”

“I’ll wait up for them to come home, let them know you’re safe.” Buffy nodded, shivering. “Are you cold?”

“No,” she whispered. “I just…I don’t know.” She stood up, and he stood too, stepping out of her way. “I’m going to bed.”

“I thought…”

“You’re right. It’s been a long night.”

“Right,” Spike said quietly. “I’ll be here, Slayer. If you need anything. I mean that.” She looked into his eyes, and for the first time, he felt as if she truly believed him.

“I know,” she whispered. “Thanks. Um, for taking care of Dawnie and everything.” He only stared after her, watching her make her way up the stairs. He let out a slow breath, and he sat down on the couch, feeling the warmth she’d left behind. He closed his eyes, trying to still his busy mind from thinking about what all had happened.

He hadn’t had much time to calm down before the front door burst open, and in walked Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya.

“Buffy?” Willow asked. Spike stood quickly, anger rising in him again.

“She’s upstairs.” They all made for the stairs. “She’s sleeping.” He knew that wasn’t true. He could hear her up there tossing and turning, but they didn’t have any business seeing her tonight. Not after what she’d just gone through because of them.

“Spike,” Xander said quickly, stepping out in front of the group, “you don’t have to stay…”

“Neither do you,” he interrupted. “What’d you do? Huh?” He looked angrily back and forth between the guilty but worried eyes. “What’d you do to her?”

“A spell,” Willow finally explained.

“You used magicks.”

“Yeah, but, it worked, and…”

“And it just as easily might not have,” Spike spat. “She could have…she could have come back wrong. Who’s to say she hasn’t, either?”

“Spike,” Tara started.

“I worked beside you. All summer. And you didn’t have the decency to let me in on your plan to bring back the woman that…”

“You’re not going to start your little crush up again now that she’s back, are you?” Xander wondered. Before he had the chance to say another word, Spike had him by the collar and shoved up against the wall.

“Didn’t even tell her little sister.”

“We didn’t want to get her hopes up,” Tara spoke evenly.

“Because there was the chance it something would’ve gone wrong,” Spike growled. He glared at Willow. “And you knew that if I knew, and if something did go wrong, I wouldn’t let you destroy what did come back, even if it wasn’t all her.” He was trembling again, and Tara placed a hand on his shoulder, as Xander struggled and he tightened his grip.

“Spike,” she spoke, her voice like an angel’s whisper. “We’re sorry we didn’t tell you. We just…we didn’t.” Spike let Xander go after a few seconds, and he moved toward Anya.

“Xander, maybe it’d be better if you two came back tomorrow,” Willow advised.

“Right,” Xander said quietly, eyeing Spike angrily. “First thing.” The two left, and Spike stood in silence with the two witches.

Willow looked toward the stairs, and she glanced at Tara.

“Spike,” Willow said quietly, “you’re right. We didn’t tell you, because we knew that something might go wrong.”

“And you risked destroying her just to have her back?”

“Having her back…having any part of her back…isn’t that better than not having her at all?” Spike eyed the witch. This was true. But if she’d come back different…would it be worth it? Would it be worth it if she wasn’t the same slayer he’d fallen in love with?

“I know you care about her, and…”

“You don’t know anything,” Spike said, shaking his head. “You think you know everything your pretty little books tell you, but you don’t know everything. You don’t know me. You don’t know how I feel.” Tara took Willow’s hand.

“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get some sleep. It’s been a long night, for all of us. Maybe in the morning we’ll all be a little more rested.” Willow nodded uncertainly and turned to gaze at Spike.

“She’s back. Let’s just be happy about that, okay?” Spike said nothing, only giving her a faint nod. Willow shivered at the thought of something going wrong. What if…what if she wasn’t Buffy anymore? Only time would tell. She and Tara headed up to bed, and Spike sprawled out on the couch, eyes focused on the ceiling, completely unable to sleep.

He could still hear the tossing and turning, and he knew she wasn’t sleeping, but still, he was surprised when her voice whispered to him from the hall.

“Spike?” He shot up on the couch, sitting to stare at her. She was still wearing the same clothes as she’d been wearing when he’d first set eyes on her this evening.

“Buffy?” His tone was soft, concerned. She didn’t sense any anger. Any hostility. It was as if he were a normal man.

“I can’t…I’m not…I can’t sleep,” she uttered. She slowly moved across the room.

“I don’t know how much company I’ll be, but I can give it a go,” he offered. She sat down on the couch next to him, eyeing him as she had earlier, only there was a hint of fear there. “We can talk about…about where you were?”

“I don’t wanna talk,” she managed to croak out, her voice sounded reserved, raw. She was close to breaking down, and he didn’t want to be the one to break her.

“Alright,” he said slowly, shifting nervously on the couch. “If there’s anything I can…”

“Would you hold me?” she asked, before she could stop herself. Spike swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded slowly. He pulled his arm around her, and she shivered at the instant cool touch. He pulled the throw off of the back of the couch and draped it over her. Her head leaned on his shoulder, and he pulled her up close. She sat next to him, her legs tucked under herself, and she breathed evenly, taking in his scent, closing her eyes, relaxing as her hand rested on his still chest.

“I’ve got you, luv. You can rest now,” he murmured, closing his eyes and feeling sleep wash over him, as it took her under too.

Chapter 2: Afterlife

When Buffy opened her eyes in the morning, it was barely dawn. She immediately felt the cool presence of Spike against her, and when she turned her head, she realized that somehow, they’d shifted positions in the night, and now she was practically lying on top of him, and his arm was still wrapped securely around her waist.

She felt rested, but why wouldn’t she? She’d already had quite a long sleep. Or death. She shuddered to think about that, so she slowly slipped out of his embrace and stood up. She realized the front curtains were still open, and the sun would be up soon. So, she pulled them silently, not wanting to burn the man who’d taken care of her sister and who had taken care of her last night into a pile of ashes. She stood there, watching him sleep. For an evil vampire, he certainly looked at peace. There was even a faint smile on his lips. No. She was imagining that, right? She shook her head. An evil vampire wouldn’t hold her all through the night. Not without an ulterior motive. She was still waiting for that one. Somehow, that didn’t add up either.

She heard footsteps upstairs, and she decided she wasn’t ready to face the rest of the group just yet, so she headed silently up to her room, grabbed a fresh pair of clothes, and locked herself in the bathroom.

She turned the water on hot and threw off her still clean clothes. Standing before the mirror she looked at naked body, examining the damage. No scars. No bruises. No hideous marks from the fall off of the tower. She looked as if she’d never taken that fall. More than that, she looked like she hadn’t been rotting in the ground for all those months. Not bad for a corpse, she thought.

The water stung her skin and her sore hands, but soon, the sensation was pleasant, and she lathered her body down, rinsed off, washed her hair, and then stood in the steady stream, relishing the warm feeling. That was substantial. That was real. The heat surrounded her, and she didn’t feel completely numb. Everything was still hazy, and getting a grasp on reality wasn’t as easy as it used to be.

Maybe this is heaven. Maybe where I was before was an in-between place. Maybe heaven is my very own bathroom. A nice, hot shower. A very protective vampire sleeping on my couch downstairs. She shook her head. Whoa.

She shut off the water, toweled off, and finished getting cleaned up and dressed. It was going to be a long day of unanswerable questions, and as much as she would rather sneak out and get away from everyone for a few hours, she knew that the sooner she saw them, the sooner she’d be able to put everything behind her.

***

Spike sat in the kitchen staring at a very quiet Willow and Tara. They snuck glances at each other and then looked at Spike once in a while, and while Tara had made a rather scrumptious breakfast, neither one of them had been able to eat a single bite.

The clomping of Dawn’s ridiculously clunky shoes echoed down the stairs and the hall, before she finally arrived in the kitchen. She sensed the thick tension immediately, as if it were physically present.

“Morning, Dawnie,” Willow perked up. “Hungry?”

“Not really,” she said quietly, sitting down and poking at her own plate, not taking a bite. “I heard Buffy in the bathroom. I think she’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“If she doesn’t sneak out the front. Wouldn’t be surprised,” Spike muttered.

“Why would she avoid us?” Willow asked. “I mean…she’s alive. I think…I think I’d be happy about that, wouldn’t you?”

“Wouldn’t know. Been dead too long to really miss living.” Dawn looked at her friends.

“What’d you do?” she finally asked. “How’d you bring her back?”

“It was a spell, Dawnie,” Tara said softly. Dawn nodded, before her eyes registered the word and a panicked grimace spread over her face.

“Like…like I tried when Mom died?”

“No! No, nothing like that,” Willow assured her. “She’s back. She’s not wrong. You…you should know that. You spent more time with her, and…”

“No. She’s not wrong,” Dawn immediately spoke up. “She’s fine. Just a little shaken up. I mean, you would be too if you were coming back from Hell, right?”

“You’re sure that’s where she was?” Spike wondered. All eyes turned on him.

“What do you mean? Of course that’s where she was,” Willow said matter-of-factly. “Or some kind of Hell dimension.”

“So that’s what you assume? Your good friend saves the world and gets sent to Hell?”

“Well, given the circumstances,” Tara said quietly, sounding very much like Giles, “it’s likely.”

“Why don’t we just ask her?” Dawn suggested.

“She doesn’t want to talk about it,” Spike pointed out.

“How would you know what she wants?” Spike turned to see Xander standing in the doorway, Anya-less. Spike glared at the intruder, but he said nothing. “Why don’t you go out for a smoke, fang boy? There’s a lovely sunrise, and…oh, that’s right. You’re a vampire. As in mortal enemy of the Slayer. Don’t you have a crypt to keep?”

“Xander,” Willow warned. “Don’t start. Buffy’ll be down any minute.” Xander withdrew his annoyed expression, but muttered under his breath.

“Yeah, and I’m sure she’ll be real happy to see him.” Spike thought good and hard about telling him how she came to him in the middle of the night, but he fought against it, and finally settled on not disclosing that lovely little morsel, because as much as he’d like to see Xander’s face turn all sorts of shades of green with jealousy, he figured Buffy didn’t exactly want the gang to know she’d slept in the arms of a vampire all night, especially when he wasn’t exactly her favorite person.

Buffy had heard part of the conversation as she lingered out in the hallway, but she decided to pretend as if she’d heard nothing. She just wanted to get through this. So, she took a deep breath, tensed and relaxed her muscles and then went walking into the kitchen, where five surprised sets of eyes looked up at her at once.

“Morning,” she said as cheerfully as possible.

“Uh…morning, Buffy. Want some breakfast?” Despite the fact that she didn’t feel like eating at all, she knew it’d be better if she did eat something.

“Sure. That looks good.” Willow slid her plate over to Buffy and with a flick of her finger, steam rose up from the plate. “Didn’t touch it…good as new.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said quietly, sitting down between Spike and Dawn. Her stomach turned, but she forced down a few bites with everyone watching expectantly. Well, everyone except Spike, who had his hands folded on the table. He was staring off toward the window, his features set and tense.

“Are you feeling better this morning?” Tara asked cheerfully.

“Uh, yeah. I think so. Just a little…fuzzy.”

“Did you sleep alright?” Dawn asked. Buffy made a side glance at Spike before nodding.

“Yeah.” Her answer was hesitant, but Spike felt a twinge somewhere deep inside, and he figured that if his heart was beating, it would have stopped just then. She looked up at the clock and then at her sister, and out of nowhere, she said, “Dawnie, shouldn’t you be at school?”

“It’s Sunday,” Dawn said slowly.

“Oh. Right,” Buffy said, shaking her head.

“It’s ok. You didn’t know, Buff,” Xander said quietly. Buffy pushed her plate aside and looked at her friends. She glanced at Spike again, but he seemed frozen, fixated on whatever it was he was staring at.

“I guess you have some questions,” she finally spoke.

“Maybe a couple…hundred,” Willow said sheepishly. “You don’t have to answer anything you’re not ready for though.”

“I’ll try my best. It’s all still really…mixed up, you know?”

“Let’s go in the living room,” Dawn suggested. “I like eggs, but the smell makes me nauseous after a while.” She started out of the room, and everyone else followed. Except for Spike.

“Are you coming?” Tara asked over her shoulder.

“I can hear just fine from here.” Tara crinkled her brows in confusion, wondering why the usually outspoken vampire was suddenly quiet and reserved. That definitely wasn’t like him.

Still, once Tara was gone, Spike let out a sigh and decided to join the group anyway. The last thing he wanted was to make the Slayer uncomfortable, especially since her good friends were already hounding her with questions of her afterlife.

When Spike reached the living room, he stayed back leaning against the wall. Buffy looked up from her spot on the couch, and their eyes met. She felt a chill up her spine and she shook off the feeling. It was time to talk, and she was going to say as much as she could. Part of her wanted to tell everyone a lie. Tell them she’d been in Hell. Tell them she’d been someplace that she’d rather not be, but when she looked up at Spike and even at Dawn, who waited with hopeful eyes, she knew that she had to tell them, even if it hurt.

“What do you wanna know?” Buffy asked, feeling as if this was an inquisition. All that was missing was a hot light.

“Well, for starters,” Xander said quietly…”what was it like?”

“Being dead?” Buffy asked. “I…I don’t know. I can’t remember feeling dead. I just remember…being still. I was surrounded by this…I don’t know. I don’t wanna say a light. It was like…peace.” Everyone was silent, all waiting to hear more. Dawn’s eyes welled. “Wherever it was, it wasn’t…it wasn’t bad.” Buffy glanced at Willow, whose face fell.

“Buffy,” she said quietly, “we…I pulled you out of Heaven, didn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy admitted. “Will, you…you didn’t know.” She couldn’t help but feel the sharp bite of reality when she saw her friends faces all fill with guilt. “None of you did.”

“We thought because of Glory and everything, because of the mystical energy…we thought you went to a hell dimension or something,” Tara said quietly. “If we’d have known, maybe…”

“You wouldn’t have brought me back,” Buffy guessed. Everyone was silent again, except for Dawn.

“No! You…no! It doesn’t matter where you went. You died because of me, and…and that’s not right.”

“Dawnie, it’s ok,” Buffy started.

“No it’s not! You jumped off the tower, and you died, and you went someplace good, and I don’t care. I’d rather have you here than anywhere else.” Despite the selfish statement, the rest of Buffy’s friends couldn’t help but agree. Spike eyed the slayer from across the room, watching her discomfort rise.

“That’s not for you to decide, Nibblet,” he spoke up.

“It never was,” Dawn said, a bit angrily. “I couldn’t stop you. And I didn’t know anything about what Willow was gonna do. Nobody said anything to me, and I’m the one who lost a sister!”

“Dawn,” Buffy said quickly, placing her hand on her sister’s shoulder, suddenly feeling those natural maternal feelings thawing out from the numbness that was still frozen inside of her, “I did what I had to do, alright? I’d have rather died that let you die.”

“Buff, how do you feel now?” Xander asked.

“About?”

“About being here. If we took you out of Heaven…” Buffy looked around at all of her friends, who looked as if they’d all committed a horrible crime and were now feeling the pain of the consequences. What was she supposed to tell them? Heaven was a better place than where she was now? She wished she were still there. She wished they hadn’t brought her back? It wasn’t all true, but it wasn’t all false either. She was stuck somewhere in between wanting to stay in both worlds, and she knew she couldn’t do that. But the shock of being ripped out of such peace and waking in her own coffin, only to have to claw herself out was not exactly the kind of welcome she’d wanted for a return to earth. Her friends had thought they were doing what was best. They’d wanted her back for their own reasons and for the good of the world, and while she was grateful for their determination to have their friend back, she couldn’t feel grateful about the way she’d come back. How could she make this worse for them now? There wasn’t any need.

“I’m grateful,” she finally breathed. “Thank you for bringing me back. I know…I know that where I was was a good place, but it doesn’t mean I won’t be there again someday, right?” She saw Tara’s face soften into a smile.

“Of course not. Just because you were pulled out doesn’t mean you can’t return,” she offered. “But hopefully…oh, about eighty years from now.”

“Right,” Buffy said with a weak smile. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Thank you. For what you did. You brought me back, and I’m grateful…because I know I’m not done here.” The words sounded convincing enough, and though they were full of only half truths for the moment, it didn’t mean those wouldn’t be come full truths one day, did it?

“We’re just glad to have you back, Buff,” Xander said with a slight grin, reaching over to touch her shoulder. “It was a mess without you. We tried to make it work, but the Buffybot just didn’t have what it takes to be a Slayer. She held her own, but…”

“Now she’s a pile of scrap metal,” Dawn finished. Buffy looked around at her friends, who all seemed to be feeling much better. She was glad about that, but when she looked up at Spike, the look he was giving her made her face hot, and she realized he could see right through her. He knew she was hiding something. God, why does he do that?

“I called Giles last night,” Willow said with a smile. “He cleaned his glasses about four times during out three minute phone conversation.”

“I’ll bet,” Buffy nodded. Xander looked at his watch.

“I’m supposed to be at work for overtime hours…an hour ago. But I can just not go in, Buff.”

“No, go to work.”

“You’re sure? I can stick around.” He glanced up at Spike, who just smirked.

“Go on,” Buffy said with a nod. “I’ll be fine. Nobody needs to stick around on my account. I’m fine.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Willow said sternly. “If you need anything…”

“Wil, I’m sure there’s stuff at the Magic Box that you need to research or something. I’m not gonna be up for much today anyway. I’ll probably just…you know, catch up on all the TV I missed while I was…”

“Right,” Tara said quietly. “You’re sure you don’t need anything?”

“I’m fine,” Buffy said again with a nod.

“We should do something to celebrate,” Willow pondered. “How about The Bronze tonight, for old time’s sakes?”

“I’m not really in a Bronze-y mood right now, Wil,” Buffy said with a little shrug. “Maybe soon.”

“Oh.” Willow’s face fell. “Alright. Dawnie, you staying?”

“Yep,” Dawn said with a nod.

“Dawn, I’m sure you have homework,” Buffy pointed out.

“Buffy…”

“Go do your homework. We have plenty of time to catch up.”

“But…”

“Go on. The faster you finish, the faster we can talk, ok?” Dawn rolled her eyes but hurried up the stairs anyway. Everyone else filed out the door, except for Spike, who remained at his post on the wall.

“They’re all blind, aren’t they?” He sat down in the chair across from the couch.

“What?” Buffy asked, her voice catching in her throat.

“All they were looking for was for a couple words from you telling them you’re glad to be back. They just didn’t want to feel guilty.”

“Spike, not now.”

“You’re not happy to be back, are you?”

“It’s…” He half expected her to throw something at his head and tell him to get out, but he watched her shoulders slump. “It’s not that simple.” He cocked his head to the side.

“It’s not, is it?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Spike.”

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don’t,” she insisted. Spike shook his head, standing up, moving to sit on the coffee table again, so they were face to face.

“You were happy. You were at peace.”

“I don’t remember,” she mumbled.

“You remember feeling safe. Feeling…what…what did you feel?” His blue eyes searched her green ones until she finally buckled under his questions.

“I was finished,” she breathed. “Finished with life. Finished with suffering. And I felt like even…even though I left my friends and Dawn behind, everything was gonna be ok.”

“And then you came back.”

“It was…it was like falling all over again. Everything went black,” she recalled. “And then I opened my eyes, and I couldn’t see. I was surrounded by walls, and my lungs burned.” He could see her trembling now, and the tears were beginning to well in her eyes. “I just kept kicking and clawing, and I didn’t know where I was. It was so dark. But I felt something cold, and I realized I was bleeding, but I kept fighting, and then…then I was standing in front of my headstone, and it was gone. I didn’t remember where I’d been for a few minutes. Just that I’d had to claw myself out. I thought for a second…”

“That you were like me?” he offered. She looked away and nodded.

“Yeah.”

“But then the memories came back, and everything was…it was moving so fast. So harsh. Blurry. Bright.”

“And you wanted to go back.” Buffy was silent. “You can say it, pet. I won’t tell.”

“For a minute. But…my friends…Dawn. They’re here. They need me, and I…”

“What?”

“I want to want to be here, but it feels like I’m starting all over. Like I’m being sent back to serve time after being released from prison. But that’ll change. It will. I just have to give it time, right?”

“Maybe,” Spike shrugged. “Or maybe you’re just not up for all the ‘do-gooding’ this time around.”

“Sure I am,” Buffy said with a confident nod. “I just don’t feel like it right now.”

“What do you feel like doing?” Buffy looked away.

“I don’t know. I just…I need time to adjust.” Maybe if she said it enough, it would come true. The tears were coming back. “Am I horrible? For feeling like this, when my friends and Dawnie are so happy?”

“You’re asking the wrong person about that, remember?” Buffy said nothing.

“Right.” The silence filled the air for longer than a minute, and Spike sighed.

“I can go.”

“You can go?” Buffy asked. “What’s that about?”

“What do you mean?”

“A few months ago, you’d have either left without a word or stayed just to make a point,” Buffy said curiously, eyeing him. “What happened?”

“What happened? What happened is that I became a foster dad to your little sis,” he said with a shrug. “You know, teenagers are a lot more difficult than they were when I was her age.” He nodded toward the stairs. “I had to learn how to compromise with her.” He grimaced. “But the witches were here, so they took over some of the responsibility, thank God. Don’t know what I would’ve done if she’d sent me to the store for some of her ‘girly’ things.” He shuddered, and Buffy couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Thanks. For looking after her.”

“I promised you that I’d take care of her.” Buffy nodded, remembering.

“Dawn’s been through a lot. I’m glad she had people to take care of her…to make sure she was alright.”

“It was rough for a while, but we made it work.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

“And you will too. Like you said, give it time, right?” He watched her half-smile again and nod. He stood again, clearing his throat. “I should go.”

“You don’t have to,” she blurted out quickly, looking up at him, her cheeks pinking up a bit.

“What?”

“Uh,” she stammered, clearing her throat. “Well, you took care of Dawnie when she needed you. The least I can do is let you stay until dark.”

“You sure?” He asked, eyeing her awkwardly, wondering if he was pushing it. But she didn’t even move to make a snide remark.

“Sure,” she nodded. “Why not?”

Much to Dawn’s delight, Spike was still there when she finished her homework, and even much more to her delight, he was sitting in the living room with Buffy, and they were…talking! They were having a normal conversation, though the talking stopped when she entered the room.

“All done?” Buffy asked.

“Yep. I’m all Pre-Calculus’d out.” She sat down on the couch next to her sister and caught Spike’s stare. “What?”

“Nothing. This is the first time you’ve actually done your homework without an hour long fight since I can remember.” Dawn rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have the magic touch, I guess,” she shrugged. She looked at Buffy. “Anyway, now that I’m all done with homework, we should do something. We could catch a movie, or we could go to the mall or the movies. Nothing much has changed since you left, but I heard there’s a new Keanu flick coming out. And he goes shirtless. I mean, come on.” Buffy smiled to humor her sister.

“Maybe some other time, Dawnie. I’m not really up to going out right now.”

“Oh. Okay, well, we can do something else. We can watch movies here and order pizza.”

“I like that idea. What movies?”

“Ohh…how about Dirty Dancing?” Spike groaned.

“What? I figured you’d like anything with ‘dirty’ in the title,” Buffy smirked. He couldn’t help but give her a half-grin. At least she was making jokes. She seemed to be livening up. He just hoped that wasn’t for show for Dawn’s sake. He could see it in her eyes though. She wasn’t faking this mood. He just hoped it would last. As much as angry, sarcastic Buffy got him going, he loved to see the pink in her cheeks and the smile on her face.

“Not after watching it, how many times these past few months, Dawn? Six hundred?”

“Ha ha ha,” Dawn scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Okay, how about…I don’t know, Titanic?”

“That’s it, sun be damned, I’m out of here,” Spike said, standing up and starting to head for the door.

“Spike!” Dawn laughed. “Come back here. No girly movies. Promise. What do you want to watch?”

“Texas Chainsaw Massacre?”

“Ew,” Dawn groaned, crinkling her nose.

“Dawn of the Dead? House on Haunted Hill? The new one. It’s bloodier.”

“Gross. And no. We don’t have those movies,” Dawn replied with a proud nod.

“Alright then,” Spike said with a shrug. “Why don’t we let the slayer decide?”

“Yeah, Buffy, you decide,” Dawn urged.

“You didn’t seriously let my baby sister watch movies like that, did you?” Buffy asked.

“’Course not. For being the sister of a slayer, she’s sure got a weak stomach,” Spike chided. Buffy glanced at Dawn, who pouted.

“Titanic it is,” Buffy murmured, crossing her arms and glaring at Spike. Despite herself, she couldn’t help but smile at the defeated look on his face. Something was different. It was as if she’d come back with the anti-Spike part of her brain completely removed. She knew it wasn’t something as drastic as that, especially since she’d sensed the change before the final battle with Glory. Despite whom she was having fun with, it felt good. She decided then and there that she was going to try not to let herself get bogged down in what had happened. She was back, and there was nothing that could be done to change that, short of her getting killed again, and she didn’t exactly want that to happen anytime soon.

***

Dawn had fallen asleep about halfway through, and Spike had muttered a comment about how he wasn’t surprised. Buffy, not really in a movie watching mood anyway, turned off the TV and without a word, padded off into the kitchen. Without missing a beat, Spike was right behind her. He watched her made a cup of tea and settle down at the counter.

“Want some?” she asked.

“Not thirsty, pet,” he said with a shrug.

“My tea’s better than my cooking,” Buffy pointed out. “Though I guess I’m a little rusty.” Spike smiled at her, cocking his head to the side. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just good to see you smile. Thought it might take longer.”

“Well, I figure that if I’m here, I should probably act like it.” She sighed softly. “No use dwelling on the past, right?”

“You alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because less than a day ago, you were six feet under, and as far as I knew, that wasn’t going to change.”

“I thought you were asking about me,” Buffy quipped.

“I am. This isn’t some Slayer fake out. Normally I can see right through you, but you look like you’re trying to be happy.”

“I am. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I suppose,” he said slowly, sitting across from her, placing his hands on the counter top. “So long as you’re doing it for yourself and not for them.” She looked up, meeting his gaze.

“Can’t it be both?” She shook her head. “Besides, when did you become so concerned about me doing things for myself?” Spike’s jaw nearly dropped.

“Let me think. Maybe since you came back from the dead? Or before that. When you threw yourself off of a tower to save your sister and possibly the world. No…no, I think it was before that when I fell in love with you.” Buffy stopped breathing, and he could see that this wasn’t something she wanted to talk about right now, but it was out there, and he cleared his throat. “Anyway…sorry about the poor choice in funeral dresses. I told them you were probably rolling your eyes at them from whatever cloud you were perched on. Long, black, modest. Not the slayer I know.”

“I don’t even know where they found a dress like that,” she shivered. “Then again, I don’t go shopping for funeral clothes very often. We buried Mom in her favorite sundress.”

“Yeah. Well, it’s a good thing Joyce wasn’t here to see the mess you left behind.”

“Mess?”

“Well, emotional mess. Nobody was right for weeks after you were gone.” He secretly added to himself that he’d suffered most of all, having to be in her house, seeing the Bot looking just like the woman he loved, hearing the past echo off the walls of the Summers’ home.

“Well, I’ll clean all of that up. Think I did most of that when I came back, you know?”

“Yeah. That helped,” he nodded. Buffy drank down the rest of her tea and placed the cup and saucer down in the sink.

“Feel up to patrolling tonight?” he asked.

“I don’t know…I’m not sure I feel like…” A rush of voices from the front of the house as her friends returned broke Buffy’s train of thought, and she immediately brought her hands to her temples, rubbing away the forming headache. “On second thought, patrolling sounds great.”

***

Buffy paused just outside of the gate, and Spike stopped next to her, weapon in hand, ready to slay…something.

“Buffy?” She turned at the use of her first name, and she shook her head.

“Graveyards. Not exactly my favorite place right now.”

“Right,” Spike winced, mentally abusing himself for suggesting that on the first night since returning from the grave that she spend most of her evening stalking vampires in the very cemetery she’d been buried in. “We can do something else if you want.”

“Like what? Look for demons at the park?”

“Hey, it’s been known as a hot spot for demon activity even after the sticky-handed nose pickers have gone off to their safe little beds.” Buffy made a face.

“Wow, you haven’t been around kids lately have you?”

“I was one myself, and I recall having a particular fascination with my nose and…”

“Ew, please do not finish that sentence.”

“Bet you were a cute one, Summers. All pig tailed and dressed in frilly little…” Buffy groaned and made a face.

“Dawn showed you the family album didn’t she?”

“Well…yeah, but I did accidentally swipe a few baby pictures of you when I was nicking your things last…” When he saw her expression change, he shrugged his shoulders, “Best we not dredge up the past, eh, luv?”

“I’d like them back. Whenever you get around to it,” she muttered.

“Right.” He cleared his throat, and they started into the dark, foggy cemetery.

“It’s quiet,” she murmured after a few minutes. She glanced over at him. “Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Let’s just talk…maybe they’ll hear us. It’ll draw them out.” Spike shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know. Maybe we scared them all away. We sure gave them one Hell of a summer, pet, your friends and me.”

“Yeah?”

“I think the whelp…ah, Xander, got a few slays in. I think he had a motive behind it. Every time he staked a vampire, Anya would get all doe-eyed, and they’d run off to do God knows what.” Buffy made a face. “My sentiments exactly.”

“So you really worked with them?”

“Well, when they really needed me. Mostly, though, I patrolled alone and came back home to keep your sis company.” Suddenly it was quiet again, and Buffy furrowed her brows.

“What?”

“What? I just talked. You talk now.”

“Okay,” Buffy said slowly. “Question.”

“Shoot.”

“What was the hardest demon you fought this summer?” Without thinking, the words came pouring out from Spike’s mouth.

“My own,” he uttered, suddenly going—if it was possible—paler in the face.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s…it’s nothing. Forget it.” He took a large stride to get away, but Buffy was next to him within a second.

“Spike?”

“Just drop it, Slayer,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Did something happen? The chip? Something?”

“The bloody chip’s still intact. Believe me, I found out a couple of times in the past few months.” Buffy furrowed her brows again, and he knew he couldn’t leave it at that. “The whelp.”

“Oh.” Whatever a whelp was, she wondered why he insisted on calling Xander that, but she decided that didn’t really have anything to do with the conversation. “Then what did you mean when you said what you said?”

“A little thing called death didn’t mess with your memory, did it, pet?”

“Stop stalling.”

“Fine,” he growled, but she could tell he wasn’t angry. What was it then? Was he embarrassed? No, she suddenly realized, as his shoulders slumped. He was ashamed. “I let you down.”

“Let me down?” she asked. “What are you talking about?”

“Hello? You died, Slayer. A year ago, I’d have been the one to toss you off the tower myself…or at least make you think I would, but I fell in love with you.” Buffy shivered, and he saw her flinch, though he was certain that this time, she wasn’t disgusted.

“I was going to jump off that tower if I didn’t have any other choice, Spike. And that’s what I had to do. It worked out. We’re all here now.”

“But I didn’t know the witch would find a cure for your untimely death, pet,” he reminded her. “I pictured it. Pictured you falling…right over me. I was lying down there, thinking the night had gotten as bad as it was going to when I got tossed off that sodding thing, but when I looked up and saw you caught up in that…I wished I’d been mortal so I wouldn’t have to wake up in the morning and re-live what just happened.” Whoa.

“Spike,” Buffy stammered, not really knowing what to say. She’d hear d him pour his heart out to her before, but never like this. There had always been a little something behind it, or at least she’d let herself think so, but now? There was absolutely no way Spike was going to profit from this heart to heart, right?

“Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it. I dreamed about it. I thought of a million different ways to stop you, and each time, I saved you, and most of the time, you were so grateful you fell in love with me the way I guess I wanted you to.” She shrugged, realizing he probably could have lived without divulging that little tidbit. “Of course, sometimes, you went back to treating me like dirt. The unconscious mind can be a bastard.” Buffy couldn’t help but smile. “Anyway, I guess that was my punishment for not getting back up there to stop you…or for getting tossed off the tower before I could stop Dawn from being cut.”

“Spike, how many times do I have to tell you that I did what I had to do? If you’d come up there to try to stop me from jumping, I’d have thrown you off of that tower myself. I’m the Slayer. It’s what I do. Put myself in the thick of it to try to save everybody else’s asses.” She pulled her arms around herself, as if shielding herself from exposing her thoughts too much. Didn’t work. “Stop blaming yourself.” Spike muttered something under his breath, but Buffy stopped him, grabbing his coat sleeve. “You did exactly what I asked you to do. You protected Dawn. I’m…” I’m really going to say this aren’t I? she thought. “I’m grateful to you.”

“Kept her safe? She was tethered to the sodding…”

“How’d she get down?” Spike sighed softly.

“Soon as I came to my senses, I went back up. Don’t really remember much of it.”

“But you did it. So you can stop blaming yourself, alright? Can we just move on?”

“Why are you so quick to forgive me?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Wasn’t too long ago that you wouldn’t have bothered to even explain yourself to me. Now you’re trying to convince me. What’s this all about?” Buffy shrugged her shoulders and started off again, Spike keeping up with her pace.

“I don’t know. You changed.” He couldn’t suppress the grin playing across his features, but she wasn’t looking. “I’m not saying the things you did before don’t matter. I mean, you tried to kill me and you tried to kill my friends, but look at you. You’ve been working with them. You took care of my sister for months. An evil vampire wouldn’t do that. You don’t even have a soul, and you stepped up. It wasn’t to win points with me, because I was dead. So what was it? It wasn’t the chip. The chip wouldn’t have stopped you from running off and leaving everybody else to pick up the pieces.” Spike stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Dunno. Just thought it was right. Dawn lost her mum and then you.” Buffy stood silently as Spike spoke about these things, and she felt her heart begin to pound. Spike was telling her the truth. He had no hidden agendas for once, and good God, why was it affecting her like this? Her cheeks were stinging with warmth. “Didn’t think it’d be right to leave and make her lose someone else. I wanted to leave.”

“You did?” He nodded.

“You think it was easy staying in your house after you were gone?”

“Oh,” she said quietly. Somehow, she’d come to stand closer to him. They were face to face, boots touching.

“That’s why I went out and patrolled alone most nights. Still, I always ended up at your grave.”

“You…you did?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, looking away. “They stopped coming. Not that they were burdened or anything. It just hurt too much. But I made myself. Figured you shouldn’t be alone.” Buffy could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Who was this vampire? He had changed. He had the same features as the Spike she once new, but he was nothing like him.

“Thanks,” she whispered. “I’m sure I appreciated the company.” He smiled at her, and even in the dark, his blue eyes called to her, and she felt her entire body quiver. What was this? Why was it happening? Why didn’t it feel wrong? His hand came up to brush a lock of hair out of her face, and his fingers lingered on her warm cheek. She fought against the urge to nuzzle against his comforting hand. “It’s amazing.”

“What?” she managed to utter, despite the fact that as hard as she fought to remain composed, her insides were turning to mush.

“You. Standing here. Never thought I’d…” He shook his head.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “How about that?” Both of them knew they should move, but neither could. It was as if they were stuck by some spell, some invisible force. But the longer they waited, the less they cared to move, and Buffy felt her heart begin to pound faster the moment Spike’s cool breath passed over her lips. “What is this?”

“Don’t know, pet,” he whispered, obviously as tempted and caught up by this feeling. It definitely wasn’t new for him, but he never expected her to look at him like that. Now, did he kiss her, or did he pull back and safe them both from the pain that might come later. But, neither of them, vampire nor slayer, were that strong. She found herself inching closer, their lips barely a breath apart, and just as her eyes were about to close, something flickered in the not too distant distance.

“Vampire,” she breathed. A smile curled over his lips.

“Slayer.” Suddenly, her hands were on his shoulders, and she was pushing him aside.

“No! Vampire!” she yelled, taking off in pursuit of her victim. Spike was a bit dazed from the intoxicating scent of slayer. Perfume, sweet breath…arousal? Surely not. But she was looking awfully cozy standing in front of him, close to pressing her lips against his.

“Little help!” he heard her yell, as she was tossed through the air, her back slamming against the very hard wall of a crypt. Spike immediately dashed off toward the fight, and while Buffy half lay and half sat against the wall of the crypt, she listened to the sounds of a very nasty fight, and within minutes, she heard the distinct sound of a stake plunging through dead tissue, and moments later, Spike was standing over her, hand reaching out. She narrowed her eyes, realizing she was a little dizzy. She reached up, and he helped her stand.

“You alright, Slayer?”

“Yeah. I…I guess I’m just a little rusty.”

“Let’s get you home.”

“I’m fine. Just give me a minute.” She placed her hands on her lower back and stretched backward and then forward. Spike watched her as she tried to be tough.

“It’s alright, you know. I won’t tell anybody.” She stopped and turned to him. “Nobody’s gonna think twice. You haven’t done this in months.”

“But I’m the Slayer. I should’ve been able to get that guy in two seconds.”

“Every Slayer has their off days. I think I know that a little better than anyone.” He watched Buffy’s eyes fill with recognition, and he looked away again. Something pulled at him from the inside, telling him to look away for fear of seeing disgust return to her eyes. But instead of turning her back on him, she just shifted in her place.

“I think that’s all we’re going to get tonight. Maybe we should head back.” He looked back at her, and she gave him a half smile. “Thanks for your help.” He didn’t answer. He just stood there, a bit dumbfounded, as she headed off for the gates, and after a few moments’ pause, he hurried to catch up.

Chapter 4: Scrapes and Bruises

The house was dark when they arrived back from patrol. There was a note taped to the TV screen, and Buffy pulled it off to read.

“Buffy, went to the Magic Box with Willow and Tara. Get some rest! Love, Dawn.” She put the note down on the coffee table and turned to see Spike standing next to the door, hand on the knob.

“Well, uh, I made sure you got home in one piece, so I’m gonna take off.” Buffy felt something jump inside of her, and she looked up at him.

“Oh. Ok.”

“Unless you need me to stay?” he wondered, part of him hoping she’d ask him to, the other part telling him that he was just making it worse for the both of them.

“You probably do have a lot to catch up on, so you should go,” Buffy said carefully, moving past him to hang her jacket on the rack. It was then that he saw the blood on her shirt.

“You’re bleeding.”

“What?”

“Your shoulder.” She touched the area he nodded toward, and she felt the fresh blood coat her fingertips. She winced.

“Some powerful slayer, huh?”

“Sit down. I think Dawn left the peroxide on the counter.” Buffy watched him head back to the kitchen and then sat down on the couch, waiting for him to return. She was trembling. Why was she trembling? Maybe because she’d nearly been taken out by an ordinary vampire. Maybe because right before that, she’d been a half second away from kissing Spike.

“Got the stuff,” he muttered, walking in and sitting next to Buffy on the couch. “Turn around.” Wordlessly, she did as he said, and she waited patiently while he tried to move her shirt down far enough to clean the wound. “Uh…that shirt’s got to come off, luv.”

“What?! No!”

“The wound’s got to breathe, for one, and second of all, it’s hard to clean it when your shirt’s in the way.”

“Then give it to me. I’ll do it.” She quickly took the bandages, cotton, and peroxide and headed into the bathroom. Luckily, her hands were healing quickly, so this should too, but when she got to the upstairs bathroom, stripped down to her bra, and began attempted to fix her own injury, she realized it wasn’t possible. Groaning, she held her shirt over her front, and she stepped out of the bathroom. “Spike?” Silence. Maybe he’d gone home. But then she heard footsteps on the stairs, and her skin prickled, and goose bumps rose on her arms. She forced herself to believe that it was because the house was cool.

“Need a hand?” he asked casually, stepping into view.

“Apparently so,” she muttered. “No peeking.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, pet.”

“You so would.”

“Just sit down,” he instructed. Buffy closed the toilet lid and sat down on it sideways, her back to Spike. The moment she felt him touch her, she jumped a little, and he couldn’t help but smile. “All right?”

“Your hands are cold.”

“Vampire, luv.” Buffy frowned, but she said nothing, and she let Spike disinfect her wound. She winced a few times, feeling remarkably weak. She was the Chosen One, for crying out loud, and she was reduced to requiring a vampire to patch her up.

“I don’t know what happened to me out there,” she admitted, as Spike placed a bandage on her shoulder. She quickly slipped her shirt over her head, and he didn’t exactly make any efforts to look away. But, she stood and turned to face him.

“It was a rough night,” he pointed out. “Like I said, everybody has their off days. Can’t expect you to be in top shape less than a day after…”

“Yeah, but,” Buffy argued, “I should be. I mean, I took care of a bunch of ugly demons on motorcycles, and yeah, I wasn’t fighting at the top of my game, but I managed. This was one vampire, and he had me out of the fight before I could even think about going in for the kill.”

“Slayer, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he assured her, his hand moving to her shoulder. She glanced at his hand there, and he quickly withdrew it.

“Yeah, well, easier said than done.” She padded out of the bathroom and moved into her bedroom, turning on the light and moving over to her bed, sitting down and taking off her shoes. Sensing the conversation wasn’t over yet, Spike followed, but he didn’t enter her room. Instead, he leaned against the doorframe. “Maybe subconsciously I’m trying to get myself killed.”

“You think so?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I mean, you saw me yesterday. Not pretty. And this morning. Everything in this world feels…I don’t know…different. I come back, and my house is different, my friends are different, you’re different. And if Dawn’s researching and patrolling, I’m going to kill her.”

“She’s not. We saw to it that she did school research only, and she hasn’t so much as touched anything sharp or pointy.”

“Not even a steak knife?”

“Actually, she went through a vegetarian phase for a little while, if you can believe it.”

“Dawn? Junk food queen?”

“If you can believe it. Didn’t last.”

“See, everything’s different,” Buffy said, throwing her hands up, feeling the pull on her shoulder and wincing again.

“Not everything’s different, Buffy.” She looked up at him, seeing the blue of his eyes burning bright. She couldn’t help herself from feeling the intense attraction she felt at that very moment. She’d always felt an attraction from him but was always able to render it as part of his evilness. The seductive vampire, luring girls with his baby blues and his sculpted features and then…

“Yeah, well, a lot is, and that’s probably why I feel so different,” she explained, standing up quickly and moving across her room to her dresser. She began to take off her earrings, and Spike couldn’t help but smile at how she was talking to him and doing this at the same time. It was as if they were old friends, and he wasn’t even certain if ‘friends’ defined them even now. “I’m not supposed to be alive.”

“Slayer…”

“I’m not. I died, and that means that the world changed to count me out. Things change when someone dies. I wasn’t supposed to come back.”

“But you did.”

“And it screwed everything up. I’m happy to be alive, but I’m not happy that I have to live like this.”

“Like what?”

“Well, for starters,” she explained, pointing to her shoulder, “this sucks. Being thrown around by a vampire, that sucks too. Being a stranger in your own house…”

“You’re not a stranger. As much as I hate defending your group of friends, they’re trying to make you feel at home. You’ve been through something, pet, that most people never have and never well, except vampires like myself, of course.” Buffy eyed him.

“You’re not like other vampires,” she mused. Spike cocked his head to the side. “Sure, you might not have a soul, but you helped a bunch of humans…and an ex-demon. You babysat my little sister just so she wouldn’t feel alone. You’re here right now. You dressed my wounds. What the hell are you?” Spike raised an eyebrow, sensing the change in Buffy’s tone. She sighed and pushed past him, heading down the hall and then the stairs. He was right behind her. “Why are you doing this?”

“You know why. I love you.”

“And if you didn’t? Would you still act like this?”

“Does that even matter?” he wondered. “I do love you, Buffy.” They were in the living room again, and Buffy wasn’t sure if she wanted to sit down, pace, or go outside. So she settled for sitting on the coffee table, while Spike paced in front of her. “When you died, I tried to stop loving you, because it would have been a hell of a lot better than missing you ever sodding minute, but I couldn’t stop. This isn’t right, Slayer. Vampires aren’t supposed to feel love, but I do. It’s not the bloody chip, so don’t even try to push it off on that. Not every bloody demon out there is a textbook case. When I first told you I loved you, the look on your face…” He shook his head.

“Spike…”

“I can’t help the way I feel, and right now, you’re here, and that’s all I wanted. It’s all I asked for after you were gone. That you were here, alive. And you think you’re not supposed to be here. You think it’s wrong that you’re back, because it feels different? I know you never cared about what I thought, but put yourself in my shoes for a minute, Slayer. Say…the love of your life comes back from Hell…” She flinched, knowing he was referring to Angel, “and it’s the only thing you’ve wanted since the minute he left you. Say all he can say is that he doesn’t feel like he should be here. Not with you. He should be gone.”

“Spike, stop,” Buffy said quickly. “I said it feels different. I don’t want to be dead. I’m not crazy. I was at peace, because it was over. No more worries. Everything was going to be taken care of. Then I came back. It’s hard, Spike. It’s hard adjusting from peace to chaos.” She stood up, slowly crossing the gap between them. “Why? Why you? Why do you love me?” He could see the tears in her eyes that she was desperately trying to keep from falling.

“I know I’m not Angel, pet, but I can’t change that. But I’m not sorry I love you, because right now, even though I’m bloody furious that you’re even questioning your place, I’m happier than I’ve been in months, because you’re here.”

“You shouldn’t love me. It’s not healthy,” was all she could say.

“Well, don’t worry about my health, pet. I’m not dying anytime soon.” With that, he turned and walked out the front door, leaving Buffy stunned into silence. The tears that stung her eyes began to fall, and she silently cursed to herself for letting herself get all teary eyed over Spike. But the only words she could hear echoing through her head were his: “I’m not sorry I love you.” Why was this happening? Wasn’t it bad enough that every single one of her relationships ended horribly, with him leaving, and her picking up the pieces? Now she had this seemingly harmless—on the outside—vampire taking care of her and her family, and he was by natural law, her mortal enemy. He was saying the kinds of things she’d wanted to hear from Angel long ago. But it was Spike. Spike!

“Why can’t things ever be simple?” she muttered to herself. Despite her confusion over everything in her post-postmortem life, he had stepped up and taken care of things while she was gone, and she couldn’t very well let him walk off thinking she hated him. She used to hate him, but now…now she wasn’t even sure that she disliked him. Sure, he was frustrating, but he wasn’t who he used to be. Hell, she wasn’t who she used to be either.

As she pulled on her jacket and went to open the door, she found that it swung open too quickly, pushing her back a little. Spike stood there, his hand on the other side of the knob, and Buffy let out a little gasp. Neither of them spoke, but Buffy stepped out of the way, and after a few moments, he took the few tentative steps into the house and shut the door.

They both stared at each other as if to ask ‘what now?’ and neither could come up with that answer. Finally, Buffy cleared her throat.

“I don’t hate you. I don’t even think I dislike you,” she started. “But you say you love me, and—“

“And I mean it.” Buffy nodded.

“And I don’t love you. I don’t know how I feel, Spike.”

“That’s alright.”

“No it isn’t. I’m a Slayer. You’re a vampire. I’m supposed to hate you, but the only thing I feel toward you is gratefulness, because you’ve been here. And that’s frustrating!”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not supposed to like you. I’m not supposed to think anything other than the things the Chosen One is supposed to think toward demons.”

“Told you I’m not a textbook case.”

“I can see that. Just…I thought you should know. I don’t hate you.”

“So…what’s that mean?”

“I don’t know.” Buffy eyed him. “Does it have to mean something?” Spike swallowed hard.

“No. Not right now,” he offered. She nodded. “You want me to leave?”

“You don’t have to.” Spike groaned internally. Obviously, she wasn’t going to beg him to stay. “The couch is probably more comfortable than your crypt, though.”

“True,” he said slowly, deciding to refrain from telling her he’d redecorated and now had a big, cozy bed and everything. He’d much rather sleep closer to her than in a comfy bed anytime.

“Alright then. You can sleep on the couch.”

“That’ll suit me fine.”

“I’m going up to bed.”

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

“You’re not moving.”

“Neither are you.”

“Yeah. I’m sleeping on the couch. I’m already here, luv.”

“Right. I’m going.”

“Is there something you want, pet?”

“No!”

“I meant…did you want to ask me something?”

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind. Goodnight, Buffy.”

“Goodnight, Spike.”

***

Buffy woke in the morning to a very dim room. It was after sunup, she could tell, but what time it was, she had no idea.

Blinking a few times, she realized that she wasn’t in her room, and when she blinked a couple more times, she realized she was on the couch. But it wasn’t until that realization hit her that the sensations in her body screamed at her. She was not alone.

She realized her hands were placed against the cool, hard, smooth chest of a bleach blond vampire, and she was lying…on top of him! She let out a little gasp and looked up at his face. Sleeping like a baby. Dressed. Double checking herself, she let out a sigh of relief when she realized she too was dressed. Nothing happened.

Buffy slowly pried herself out of his arms, which were wrapped around her waist. She made sure that he was still sleeping before she rushed up the stairs, only to almost smack right into Willow, who was coming out of the bathroom.

“Buffy!” Willow yelped.

“Oh…hey, Wil,” Buffy said nervously. “Um…what time did you get in?”

“Oh, um, early enough. Dawn got off to school alright.”

“Dawn! She came downstairs.”

“Well, that’s generally how one leaves the house,” Willow said slowly. “Besides, it’s not like she didn’t already see you and Spike all snuggly wuggly when we came in last night.”

“Oh my God,” Buffy breathed, closing her eyes. “Wil, we didn’t do anything.”

“Well, you were both dressed, so I didn’t think so,” Willow replied slowly. “So…you and Spike?”

“No! Not me and Spike. I…” She sighed, defeated. “I got knocked around during patrol, and he patched me up. He left. He came back. We talked. I guess it got so late we fell asleep.”

“You guess?”

“Yeah. It’s kind of blurry.”

“Buffy, are you feeling alright? I mean, sure, he’s been helpful, but he’s still Spike.”

“Wil,” Buffy groaned again. “I don’t know. Everything’s confusing.”

“Since you came back.”

“Well, yeah,” Buffy admitted, seeing Willow’s face fall. “But this isn’t about that. This is about making decision to sleep with vampires.”

“Sleeping’s different than…”

“I know, Wil. I’ve had boyfriends,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes.

“So is that what Spike is?”

“No!” Buffy replied. “I mean…I don’t hate him. Not anymore. But he’s in love with me, and he keeps telling me that, and I don’t love him. I don’t think I can.”

“But you’ve thought about it.”

“What do you mean? Of course, I mean, he’s always talking about it, so I can’t help but think of what would happen if I felt the same way. But I don’t. I…I don’t know what I feel.”

“Buffy, maybe you’re still weak from the other night. You should take it easy today.”

“I took it easy yesterday and got slammed against a crypt by a vamp. And then I almost kissed Spike.” She took a few deep breaths, feeling as if she was getting something off of her chest. For a minute, it was like old times, before college, before deaths and resurrections.

“You almost kissed him? What stopped you?”

“Well, if the vampire coming at us hadn’t, I would have.”

“You would’ve?”

“Well, yeah,” Buffy said, not so certain anymore. Willow looked at the clock.

“Oh God, Buffy, I’m sorry, but I really have to go. I have to stop by campus and then help Anya with some orders at the Magic Box. Tara’s already there.” She saw the anxiety in her friend’s eyes, and she gave her a big hug. “I can stay though. If you need me to.”

“No, Wil, it’s ok. Go on.”

“Are you sure? Hunky vampire on the couch downstairs.”

“Wil!”

“Oh, sorry, I mean…stupid, mean…hunky vampire on the couch downstairs.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Thanks for trying to help,” Buffy muttered. “I can handle the vampire. Go on. Don’t be late.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes! Go,” Buffy replied, feigning exasperation.

“It’s good to see you adjusting, Buff,” Willow said softly, hugging her friend again. “Are you feeling better?”

“I think so. Thanks, Wil. It’s just gonna take some time.” Willow nodded. “Wil? Aren’t you supposed to be…”

“Right! Bye, Buffy.”

“Bye.” Buffy watched as her friend dashed down the stairs. She rushed into her bedroom, found some fresh clothes, and hurried into the bathroom to take a shower.

***

He could hear her up there taking a shower, as he sat on the couch, still feeling the imprint of her warmth on his body. She’d been like his own personal blanket, a pause from the cold he constantly felt. Of course, he never noticed how cold he was until he had her in his arms.

When he heard the water shut off, he wondered how long she would mess around up there before finally coming downstairs. Surely she didn’t expect him to be gone when she came down. First of all, it wasn’t like they’d shagged. Second of all, it was bright and sunny, the deadliest kind of day for a bloke like him.

So, when he heard her upstairs getting dressed, he made his way into the kitchen, pulled out one of the jars of pigs blood that Willow and Tara generously purchased for him, since he’d become somewhat of a fixture in their home lately. In Buffy’s home. He knew better than to press his luck. It was only a matter of time before she kicked him to the curb. After all, she was back now. Dawn had her family back.

He poured the contents of the jar into a coffee mug, heated it for exactly 33 seconds, and when he had it at its perfect temperature, he drank it down, his face morphing as he drank.

“Spike?” Spike took the last sip, put the cup into the sink, generously rinsing it out, and then he turned at her voice. She raised an eyebrow at his vamp face, and motioned toward her own forehead.

“Oh. Sorry.” His face shifted back to normal. “All clean?”

“Yeah.”

“How’s your shoulder.”

“Already healing fast. Still a little sore though.”

“Want me to take a look?”

“No, it’s ok. I’ll live.” Buffy suddenly felt nervous. She was trembling all over, and she didn’t know what to do.

“Are you alright? Slayer?” Her heart fluttered. He stepped closer to her. The goose bumps came back.

“I’m fine. I just need some fresh air. I think I’ll go to the mall.” She hurried past him, avoiding his gaze, and she grabbed her keys. “Shopping ought to make me feel better.”

“Shopping with what? You died. They closed your bank account.”

“Well,” Buffy said slowly, “I guess I’ll go open another one then.” She cleared her throat and headed to the door. “See you later.” She opened the door and shut it swiftly behind her, leaving a very perplexed vampire alone in her house.

Chapter 5: Home Alone

When Buffy returned, it was only a little after noon. She sighed, knowing nobody would be home for hours. It would be her and Spike, and all they had to look forward to was a series of tense, avoidant gazes, innocent conversations that would make the slayer think far too much about the fact that her feelings for Spike were changing, and she had no control over it.

She placed her hand on the doorknob, saying a silent prayer that she’d be able to control herself. Maybe they’d have a pleasant conversation—one that wouldn’t lead to an argument—and things would be alright. But the moment she walked in the door, she dropped her keys to the floor with a loud clatter.

The sight before her was of Spike’s naked backside, as he slipped up the stairs, pretending not to notice that he’d just had an audience.

“Spike!” she yelled, despite her best attempts not to call out. She heard feet again, and then he was standing on the landing, completely naked, but this time, facing her. Her eyes went wide as they searched his body for only a fleeting moment, lingering a little too long at certain features that made the Chosen One blush like a naïve virgin. “Oh!” She turned around, and she could practically hear the smirk appear on his face. “What the Hell are you doing?! I could have been Dawn!”

“Dawn’s not home for another three hours, pet,” he breezed, “and if you were Willow or Tara, well, it’s not like it’d interest them. Nothing they haven’t seen before. Well, I’m not sure about Tara. I’m pretty sure she’s always been…”

“What are you doing walking around naked?”

“Well, I was going to get a shower,” he explained, smiling at the back of her head. “You’re home early.”

“This is my house, Spike. My house.”

“And you left me here alone. I didn’t expect you home for hours. So I thought, why not?”

“Well, put some clothes on when you’re done.” Spike started to take a step down the stairs, but Buffy held a hand out, turning further away from the sight. The gorgeous, god-like, hunk of vampire…sight. She shook her head, trying to shake off the feelings.

“But…”

“Go, Spike!”

“Pet, I…”

“Just get a shower.”

“Alright,” he said with a shrug, heading into the bathroom. Buffy moved into the kitchen, obliviously stepping past the pile of his clothes on the floor. She sat down on the couch, immediately turning the television on, trying to get the image of him standing there in front of her, completely naked, completely comfortable with his body and his sexuality, out of her head.

She could hear the water running upstairs, and she knew he was standing underneath the shower head, muscles rippling as the water streamed over them, hair soaking and curling, hands moving over his own body, lathering every inch. No! Bad thoughts. Stop thinking about Spike. He’s…he’s just a man. You’ve seen a naked man before. Albeit, not one so…gifted.

“Gah!” she groaned, leaning back on the couch, pulling a pillow over her head before tossing it across the room. This was so not fair. One minute, he was sweet and considerate. The next, he was parading around naked, obviously amused by her reactions. God, if only he could read thoughts. She sighed deeply, thanking the powers that be that vampires weren’t endowed with those powers.

It wasn’t long before the water shut off upstairs, and after a few minutes, she heard the door open, feet heading down the hall, down the stairs, past the landing, down more stairs, and…Spike was naked again!

“Spike!” she exclaimed.

“Sorry, luv, but you didn’t give me the chance to tell you my clothes are down here.”

“Oh,” she muttered, getting up and moving across the room, as he advanced toward the couch, bending down quickly to scoop up his clothes, giving her a nice view of the other muscles he possessed.

Why am I still looking?! She asked herself. She turned quickly, and despite knowing better, she was surprised when he began to dress behind her back rather than leaving the room.

“Next time, a towel would be nice.”

“Point taken, pet. “

“Good.”

“Right, then. Up for a movie?”

“What?”

“There’s nothing on the telly. I checked before I headed upstairs.”

“You think you can walk around naked in front of me and then just…casually ask if I want to watch a movie?” She realized she had her hands on her hips, and Spike was cocking his head to the side, giving her a funny look.

“Wow, it’s worse than I thought.”

“What?”

“You’re wound so tight, I’m amazed you can breathe, Slayer.”

“I am not!”

“Look at you. You can barely look me in the eye because you’ve seen me naked. You’ve seen Angel naked. You’ve seen…what’s his face. And Captain Cardboard. But when I walk by, you act like you’ve never…”

“Shut up, Spike.” Buffy moved back over to sit on the couch, realizing that the cologne he was usually wore smelled even better when it was freshly applied. She felt the first fluttering of butterflies in her stomach, which turned to stampeding elephants the moment he sat down next to her.

“Here. Take the clicker. See for yourself. Nothing’s on.”

“I think I will take that, thank you very much,” she huffed, taking the remote and flipping through the channels.

“Didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Slayer.”

“Don’t try to convince me that you feel bad about that. You might have changed, Spike, but you’re still…”

“What?”

“A bastard?” she offered.

“That’s the best you can do?”

“OK, I give. Nothing’s on. I guess a movie wouldn’t be so bad.”

“So long as it’s nothing girly. Something bloody or something with nudity. Yeah.”

“Pervert. I’m not watching some nudie movie with you.”

“I’m not asking you to watch porn, kitten.”

“Did you just call me kitten?” The room was silent, and Buffy threw up her hands. “I’m going to go lay down. I have a headache.” Spike thought about adding some sort of innuendo to that, but he decided against it. As she stepped up on the foot of the stairs, he called out. “Hey, Summers.” She turned to him, expecting some lude comment, but he just gave her a half-smile.

“It’s good to fight with you, pet. Just like old times.” She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help herself. She smiled at him and quickly rushed up the stairs to her room. Spike, still smiling, settled down on the couch to watch a movie.

***

As Buffy lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, trying—and failing—to imagine anything other than Spike’s naked body, the phone rang. Grateful for the distraction, she picked the phone up off of the receiver.

“Summers residence.” There was a pause. Then a slow exhalation of breath.

“Buffy?”

“Giles?!”

“Good Lord, it is you.”

“Giles, where are you?” Buffy asked, tears welling in her eyes.

“Well, there’s been a delay. Weather’s terrible here, and they’re delaying my flight another day.”

“But you are coming back.”

“Most definitely,” he assured her. “I didn’t know what to believe when I got the call. You’re really…it’s really you?”

“It’s really me.”

“Forgive me for this, but, tell me something only Buffy would know.” A pause, and then…

“When I was in high school, you had sex with my mother on the hood of a police car.” Another pause. “Giles?”

“Yes, well,” he murmured, clearing his throat. “It’s possible that you told…”

“Trust me, Giles. I was mortified enough already. If word had gotten out…well, you know how it goes.”

“Yes, well. It’s good to hear your voice again. Are you adjusting?”

“I guess. Sometimes I feel like it. Others, not so much. It’s a change.”

“I’m sure you’ll be back in the swing of things very soon.”

“Spike took me out patrolling last night.”

“Is he insane?” A pause. “What am I saying? He’s a vampire. Of course…”

“Actually it was kind of my idea too. I wanted to get out of the house. Of course, I’m a little rusty. I got thrown against a crypt. Spike had to dust the vamp himself.”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m healing.”

“Well, do try to be careful. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Safe flight, Giles.” Buffy hung up the phone, and she dried the tears that had fallen from her eyes. Sitting up, she looked at the door, debating on whether or not to go back downstairs. Glancing at the clock, she figured Spike would be heating up another cup of blood by now. Her stomach growled a little, despite herself, and she remembered there was some leftover pizza in the fridge. She didn’t know how old it was, but it sounded good.

So, she headed back down the stairs, and just as she’d expected, Spike was standing there stirring Weatibix into his blood.

“Have a nice rest?”

“I didn’t sleep,” Buffy replied, pulling the box out of the fridge, putting a slice on a plate, and placing it in the microwave, trying not to think about the fact that Spike had just heated up pig’s blood in it. After a minute, she settled down across from him at the counter. “Giles called.” Spike looked up at her, wiping off a blood mustache from his upper lip. “His flight got delayed.” Shrugging, she took a bite of pizza. “It was good to hear his voice again.”

“Likewise for him, I’m sure.” They both sat in silence, before Spike cleared his throat. Buffy glanced up at him warily.

“What?”

“Didn’t say anything.”

“But you were thinking something.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you.”

“Not as well as you think, luv.”

“Oh really. I’m sure you were thinking something gross. Seeing as you walk around naked and drink blood, I’m sure that’s not too far-fetched to think.” Spike raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you got me there, pet.”

“Will you just knock it off?”

“You’re the one who brought it up,” he reminded her, his voice a bit rough. He leaned in over the counter, and she held her breath, feeling his cool breath just inches from her face.

“I might be alive, and I might be seeing you in a new light, but I’m not kissing you.”

“Didn’t say I wanted to be kissed.”

“Please. You’re a guy.”

“Yeah? And guys would rather have a good shag than a snog.”

“Gross. And we’re done with the pizza.” She pushed her plate aside, and she started to walk off, but this time, Spike reached out, grabbing her arm, but not tight enough that she couldn’t get away. She could have easily wrenched out of his arm, but she just turned to look at him, his eyes fiery on her.

“Just because you don’t love me doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop trying to convince you that we could be something... I’m not gonna walk around eggshells, pet. You can throw me out if you don’t like it.”

“Tempting,” Buffy warned. “Very tempting.”

“I love you.”

“Stop saying that!”

“Before you died, you hated hearing it. Now…now, I’ve got the chance to tell you every day, and I don’t see disgust in your eyes when I say it. I just see fear.” Buffy wrenched her arm away.

“You know what, Spike? You don’t know me. You don’t have a clue what’s going through my head.”

“Because you won’t let me close enough to find out. The only thing you want me here for is for somebody to hold you when you sleep at night. I wish I could say that’s enough for me, pet, but it’s not.” Buffy flinched, and she shook her head.

“This is wrong, Spike.”

“Then why is it that each time you say that, you sound less convicing?”

“Because I’m tired of doing this, Spike. I’m tired of convincing you that we can’t be more than what we already are.”

“Why not?”

“Because, you’re a vampire!” she hissed. “And don’t pull that Angel crap on me. That was different.”

“How?” Buffy said nothing.

“Spike, please. I’m tired.”

“You can only say that so many times, pet. I told you I’m not like the others. You might believe that I can love you, but I can. They say the dead can hear your thoughts, well, I guess that’s not true, or else you would’ve heard everything I ever thought from the second you left. You’d have heard me thinking about all the ways I could save you; about how I wished things had been different. How I wished Glory could’ve killed me, so I wouldn’t have to feel the way I felt.” Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes, and she started off toward the living room, Spike following right behind her.

“I can’t help the way I feel! You know I’ve tried to stop it. I’ve tried to make it go away, but it grows bigger every day. I hate that I love you,” he growled. Did she see fear in his eyes now?

“Spike…I’m sorry,” she breathed. “I wish it could be different for you.”

“Why can’t it?”

“Just drop it.”

“Tell me.”

“No! Just leave me alone, Spike.”

“Slayer…”

“Because I can’t let myself fall in love with you!” She was shocked by her own words, and the features of Spike’s face reflected that very shock. Don’t say anymore, Buffy. Just let it be, she urged herself. She’d said it. He knew what she’d said. She could fall in love with him. She could easily fall in love with him after everything...

The tremble in her voice had told him everything he needed to know. She was afraid.

“Buffy…”

“Please, Spike. Just…leave me alone,” she whispered, tears continuing to flood her eyes. “I can’t do this.”

“You can’t let yourself fall in love with me,” he reminded her. It was a far cry from her usual answers. “You feel something.”

“I don’t know,” she breathed. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. It can’t happen.” Spike closed the distance between them.

“It’s not supposed to hurt like this, pet,” he confessed. “All I know is that I want you. I’ve wanted you since the minute I saw you. You don’t love me, but you could.”

“Spike…”

“That’s all I need to know. I need to hear that.”

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head, her body trembling now, as his hands grazed her forearms. She couldn’t deny that she wanted him, but if she gave him hope that they could have a future together, she knew she’d be lost to him forever. It was scary, but not as scary as it should have been.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” She flinched. “I know how it sounds, coming from me, pet, but it’s the honest truth. If you can honestly tell me you don’t feel something when you’re with me, then I’ll drop it.”

“No you won’t.”

“I can try.”

“You won’t.”

“Humor me.”

“I can’t tell you that, Spike,” she breathed. “So what if I feel something with you? It doesn’t mean we should act on that. Plenty of people want each other, but it doesn’t have to…”

“So you do want me. Like I want you.”

“Spike!” She wasn’t angry anymore, so much as frustrated. She was breathing heavier, and he could see that she was losing her resolve. It would be so easy to give him what he wanted. She knew that. But she was afraid that once she did that, he wouldn’t want to let her go. Even more than that, she feared she wouldn’t want to let him go either.

“Alright! I want you! So what?” she challenged, before she could stop herself. She froze, feeling his hands at her hips now. God, he was staring at her like he was a starving man, and if it weren’t for the chip, she wasn’t so certain, in that moment, that he could refrain from devouring her.

His lips were so close she could almost taste them. She found herself being drawn in by her own accord, but then she was getting farther away from him. He was backing away. “All I needed to hear, pet.” And then he was gone, into the back of the house, leaving her with knees quaking.

She should have been furious with him, she decided, for pressuring her to say what she had. She couldn’t change things. She couldn’t backtrack either. It was true. The fact that Spike had changed, and the fact that he wasn’t tiptoeing around how he felt made that desire grow. She knew there had to be something mentally wrong with her for desiring a vampire, but it wasn’t the first time. Only this time, she was even more afraid, because she had no idea what to expect now that he knew. Now, he was going to keep trying, because he knew that she wanted him, and the thing was, she wouldn’t expect anything less. In fact, as she sat down on the couch, the thought that crossed her mind only made her more aware of the fact that if he were to continue to pursue her, she wasn’t going to tell him no forever.

Her heart was racing. Why couldn’t she just hate him for making him tell her what she had? Because you care too much to hate him, her head told her. No. No, she couldn’t fathom that. She could fall in love with him. Why? She didn’t know. She just knew that she could. And it was a real possibility. As frustrated as he made her, and as pushy as he could be, he loved her. And he wanted to know that after losing her, he might have a chance this time around.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t know what to do. If she went to him now, she’d make a mistake. A very good, very worth it mistake, she was sure, but she couldn’t do it. Not now. Now now? Not ever! She thought.

Still, despite herself, she found herself heading to the kitchen, where she found him leaning against the counter paler than usual, head down, taking deep breaths to try to control himself. Just walk away. Leave now, her head told her. But she was reaching out to him, and she gently placed her hand on his shoulder. He turned swiftly, pulling her close, hands on her hips, eyes boring into hers. He looked into her eyes, expecting to see fear or anger. Hell, maybe he wanted to see it, because at least then, he’d be able to convince himself that this was wrong, and it’d be better for the both of them. But he didn’t see that. Instead, he saw her gaze soften and heard the whisper on her lips.

“Spike…” Without hesitation, he brought her to him, his lips capturing hers, catching her off guard. He wanted her to hit him, to push him away, because then he would know, but her hands moved up his arms and tangled together at the back of his head, kissing him back with such intensity, the vampire wasn’t certain this was real.

“Buffy,” he breathed, pulling back to let her breathe. He ran his cool fingertips down her cheek, ran them through her hair, watched her catch her breath. He saw her lower lip quiver, and she leaned into him again, pressing her body against his. “Slayer,” he moaned into mouth, as she opened up to him. He turned with her, backing her against the counter, lowering her onto the countertop, kissing her without restraint.

“Spike,” she murmured, hands on his shoulders, pulling him down to her. “Oh God…yes…”

“I need you,” he groaned, grinding against her, smelling the scent of her arousal.

“Yes,” she panted, as he suckled at her neck. But at the sound of footsteps in the foyer, it was as if lightning had struck them. Spike sprang up from the counter, and Buffy sat up and then put her feet on the floor, lips red and swollen from his kisses. They looked at each other as if they’d both been shot, and before they had a chance to come up with some excuse for their visitor, Dawn came walking into the kitchen.

“Hey guys,” she said nonchalantly, tossing her book bag onto the very countertop her sister had just been about to engage in the wildest sex she’d ever had in her life.

“Dawn! You’re home early.” Dawn wrinkled her brow.

“Um…no I’m not. It’s 3:30.” Buffy glanced at the clock.

“Huh…”

“Geez, what happened to you guys,” Dawn muttered, casting glances at both her sister and the vampire. Dawn raised an eyebrow and smiled coyly at her sister. “You guys had sex, didn’t you.”

“What?!” Buffy was mortified. “No! No sex!”

“Right, whatever,” Dawn said with a roll of her eyes.

“Absolutely no…no sex,” Buffy said defiantly. “That’s not what we were doing.”

“What were you doing, then?”

“I was helping her work out the kinks in her back from last night’s patrol,” Spike said dumbly. “Uh…she got roughed up by a vampire.”

“Okay…” Dawn said skeptically.

“I did,” Buffy murmured with a too eager nod. She turned around and moved her shirt so Dawn could see the bandages. “Spike was just helping me with a sore muscle.”

“You guys suck at lying, you know that? Anyway, I have homework.” Dawn grabbed her book bag and an apple from the counter and headed off upstairs. Buffy nearly collapsed against the counter.

“You were helping me work out the kinks?!” Buffy asked. “Could you have been more obvious?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly lying, was I, pet?”

“Shut up,” Buffy muttered.

“You’re mad.”

“No.”

“Let me guess.” He cleared his throat. “Can’t happen again. Big mistake. It’s wrong.”

“It probably is wrong,” Buffy replied. To his surprise, and pleasure, she didn’t add anything else.

“But?”

“But…I don’t know. I’m confused.”

“All right, then.”

“I don’t want to be confused.”

“So…”

“So…I don’t know.” Spike smirked a little, moving around the counter toward her. He placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her closer. She didn’t even attempt to fight him.

“So, maybe I can help you make up your mind.” Like magnets, they were at it again, kissing, caressing, moaning, drinking each other in. When they pulled back, he cocked his head to the side. “Convinced that this is right yet, pet?” She couldn’t help but smile.

“Right? I don’t know. Wrong…well...” She shrugged her shoulders. It had always felt right before. And it’d always turned out awful. Maybe this time…maybe it would be different. “We’ll see.”

Chapter 6: Helping Hand

Stake in one hand, axe in the other, Buffy came down the stairs at nine sharp to head out and patrol. Tara and Willow were playing a game of Monopoly with Dawn, and Spike was nowhere to be found. Buffy frowned and walked into the living room, smiling when her friends and sister looked up.

“Patrol time?” Dawn asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy answered.

“Want us to come with?”

“It’s alright. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a quiet night.”

“Well, be careful, Buffy. Just because you heal fast doesn’t mean you should go getting yourself thrown around like a ragdoll,” Willow said with a concerned frown. “You’re sure you don’t want us to come?”

“It’s alright. You guys did enough patrolling while I was gone. You deserve a break. I’ll see if Spike wants to come.”

“I’m sure he does,” Dawn said innocently, causing Buffy to force back a gasp of shock. “Gross, Buffy. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“What have you been teaching her?” Buffy asked her friends. Willow and Tara feigned offence, but Buffy figured she’d picked up quite a vocabulary on her own just by hanging out with Spike.

“He’s probably up for a good fight,” Willow offered. “He’s out on the porch right now.”

“Thanks,” Buffy nodded. “See you when I get in. Dawn, remember, it’s a school night.”

“I know,” Dawn rolled her eyes. “I’ll be in bed in an hour. Promise.”

“Alright. Night.”

“Night, Buff. Be safe,” Willow called out the door. When Buffy stepped out onto the porch, the cool night air hit her, followed by a puff of smoke. She coughed and waved her hand in front of her face.

“Ah, sorry, luv.”

“Up for some patrolling?” she asked slowly, part of her wondering with worry if their kiss-fest from the kitchen earlier today would resume in the graveyard, the other part craving for it to happen. She swallowed hard, trying to tell herself that she was being ridiculous. But, the harder she fought her thoughts, the stronger her desire for him became, and it was impossible to deny now.

He moved toward her, tossing his cigarette out onto the sidewalk. She expected some innuendo or for him to grab her then and there, but he just gave her a cocky little smile.

“Sure, pet. Let me grab my coat inside.” Unable to form words as the scent of his cologne invaded her nostrils, causing her knees to quake just a little, she just nodded. She felt like an idiot. A teenager with no will power when it came to the wiles of a sexy, mysterious older man. For a moment, she began to wonder how old Spike was when he died. How much older was he than her, not counting the hundred plus years he’d spent as a vampire? He was definitely older. Maybe late twenties, early thirties. Body of a god.

She licked her lips unintentionally and leaned against the railing of the porch. Within a minute, Spike was at her side, coat on, lighting another cigarette.

“Ready?” he asked. She just nodded, and he took a long drag. She watched the way his lips moved as he inhaled and then exhaled the smoke. Visions of what he was probably very capable of doing with that mouth ran through her head, and she nearly tripped going down the sidewalk.

“You’re sure you want to patrol tonight, Slayer?”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I asked, pet,” he smiled.

“I want to patrol.” She made a mental note to get back into the training room as soon as possible. Maybe when Giles returned, he’d start training her again until she felt she was one hundred percent again. “You know what they say…it’s like riding a bike.”

“Yeah, but last night, you were almost killed.”

“Was not.” Spike shook his head and tossed his nearly finished cigarette into the street. They walked in silence, brandishing weapons that, quite frankly, Buffy was surprised hadn’t gotten the police called on them. It wasn’t every day you looked out your living room window to see two people coming down the street with shiny, pointy weapons…well, unless Sunnydale was your home town.

The shrill scream of a woman nearby had both Buffy and Spike dashing down the street at full speed. As Buffy expected, they followed the sounds to an alley behind an abandoned apartment building.

“Can you see anything?” Buffy whispered. Spike just shook his head. The scream came again, and Buffy darted ahead, leaving Spike to man the exit, just in case the bad guy decided to make a run for it. The Slayer stopped in her tracks when she saw a woman cowering against the cold, brick wall. Looming over her, was a demon that stood about eight feet high, and his skin was a pale red.

“Get away from me!” the woman cried, shielding her face. A snarl escaped the demon’s mouth, and he inched toward the woman.

“Excuse me,” Buffy said innocently, causing the demon to turn his ugly, yellow eyes in her direction. He lurched toward her, drool hanging off his lips like a big Saint Bernard. “Yeah, you. I got kind of turned around. I was looking for the mall, and…” She playfully flipped her hair, “I guess I just got lost.” He growled louder, and Spike came running, stopping next to the slayer, eyes wide with surprise at the sight of the beast. “Oh, you’re not gonna help me? A poor, defenseless girl who’s lost her way?” The demon came closer, hands outstretched, knife-sharp fingernails the size of tree branches glistening with some sort of slime. “Oh well.” Buffy shrugged her shoulders and moved forward, delivering a swift kick to the demon’s gut, sending him flying back against the wall, hitting a dumpster and leaving a large dent in the side.

“You should probably run,” Buffy suggested to the terrified woman, who wasted no time scrambling to her feet and running off for safety. Buffy stalked over to the demon, kicking him hard in the side of the head, causing him to groan and fall over. But it was only a second before he was scrambling to his feet, charging at her. She came toward him, tumbling forward, feet over her head, catching the demon and tossing him backward.

As she came to her feet again, she heard the sounds of battle behind her, and she turned quickly to see Spike laying into the demon, game face on. Buffy couldn’t help herself. Something about the feral growl coming from Spike was getting to her. In a good way. When vampires went all fangy and bumpy, that was never usually an erotic thing, but the fact that Spike was fully charged at that moment sent her mind to other things.

“Slayer!” Spike barked. Buffy snapped out of her thoughts just in time to dodge a swing from the demon. She spun her legs out, tripping him, but he only stumbled and didn’t fall. He kicked at the Slayer, sliding her several feet back, knocking the breath from her lungs momentarily. Spike sprang forward, tackling the demon, who pushed him off with one arm, slamming him against the dumpster. Spike let out a painful growl, and Buffy, frozen with fear, watched as the vampire fought to get up, only to receive another hard blow to the chest.

Without thinking, Buffy managed to pull herself up, find the axe that’d somehow been discarded in a dark corner, and she ran after the demon, bringing the blade down on its neck in a fatal blow. A gurgling hiss erupted from the neck of the decapitated demon, before it turned to dust, showering down over both its opponents.

Gasping for breath, slowly regaining it, Buffy moved to Spike’s side, kneeling down in front of him, eyes questioning him.

“I’m alright,” he wheezed.

“I thought…” Buffy gasped, “I thought only vampires turned to dust.”

“Guess he’s not a textbook demon either, eh, pet?” Buffy couldn’t help but smile at Spike’s ability to joke at a time like this, and she held her hand out to him, helping him to his feet. He winced and doubled over.

“Spike? Are…are you ok?”

“Think I might’ve bruised a rib,” he muttered. Buffy felt a cold trickle down her back, and she knew that her healing wound from the night before had been busted open.

“Do you have any bandages at your crypt?” she asked, nodding toward the cemetery across the street as they exited the alley.

“Think so.”

“Come on.” Leaning on each other for support, they hobbled across the street.

“What a pair we are,” Spike couldn’t help but utter. Buffy let out a chuckle which made her back hurt.

“Ow. No laughing,” she murmured.

“Right.” Within minutes, they reached Spike’s crypt, and Spike pried the door open. They walked in, and Spike, obviously more able to see in the dark than Buffy, found his matches and lit one, lighting a candle. He went about lighting others to brighten up the place. Buffy looked around in surprise.

“You decorated.”

“Yeah. Had some time on my hands.”

“Right,” Buffy said quietly, shifting out of her coat. Spike immediately saw the blood seeping through the back of her shirt.

“Buffy…you’re bleeding.”

“Yeah. I know,” she mumbled. “Does it bother you?”

“No more than it did the other night, pet,” he said, holding his side, trying not to read too much into the fact that this was the first time she ever really showed any concern about how the scent of human—of Slayer—blood might affect him. He raised up his shirt a little to see a purple bruise forming. “Bugger.” Buffy moved toward him.

“Is it broken?”

“No. Don’t think so. Just gonna be a bit sore for a few days. Lucky for me, I heal almost as fast as you do.”

“Yeah. That’s why you looked ready to run a marathon right after Glory had her way with you.” She tried to pull off a sarcastic tone, but her own discomfort hindered that.

“That was external, pet. For the most part. The internal stuff is different.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” Buffy considered slowly. She shook her head, and moved around, looking for something to patch herself up with. He saw her poking around and cleared his throat.

“Um, it’s downstairs,” he said, motioning toward the steps that would lead underneath the crypt. “It’s better lighting, but I can bring it up here.”

“It’s alright,” Buffy said slowly. “Better lighting sounds better for wound tending.”

“Alright. Down you go. Slayers first.” Buffy started down the ladder and found her feet touching cement soon enough. Spike was right behind her, and as Buffy took the next few steps down into Spike’s underground lair, she squinted into the darkness, until a spark near her head engulfed a torch in flames. She gasped, and Spike took it into his hands, moving about, lighting other torches on the walls, illuminating the large, decorated bedroom. The bed, a large, comfortable looking piece of furniture sat against the far wall adorned in black and red silk sheets. She found herself blushing, and she wasn’t even sure why.

“You really did have a lot of time on your hands.” She couldn’t stop the next words from escaping her lips. “Awfully big bed for one person.” Spike looked up at her as he fished through different drawers for supplies. He couldn’t suppress a smirk at her comment.

“Wishful thinking, I guess,” he uttered. Buffy studied him for a moment, as he went back to looking through his things. Wishful thinking for what? It wasn’t as if he’d known she was coming back. Surely Spike hadn’t gone all those months without being with a woman. She knew how he loved sex, because he practically oozed eroticism when he walked into a room. He’d had some interesting conquests, she knew, like Dru and Harmony, but she didn’t want to know anything about that. The thought made her shiver, and, she realized, a little jealous.

“Here. Off with your shirt.” His words would have made her flinch a day ago, but, tonight she moved over to sit on the edge of the bed, the only available place to sit, conveniently. She raised her shirt off of her body, feeling a tad bit embarrassed by the fact that her bra was black and lacy. What the hell was I thinking? she wondered to herself.

Spike moved toward the bed, his eyes glowing at the sight of the flickering flames dancing over her golden skin. As much as he wanted to make her his, he knew that after the small but definite little glimpse of hope she’d given him earlier, he couldn’t push it. He had to take it slow with her. Control wasn’t an easy thing for a vampire. Especially a vampire who wasn’t the average vampire. He could feel love. He did love. Maybe he couldn’t prove that, but he knew it in his silent heart. When he loved, he loved passionately and with intensity. It had never been like this before. Not even with Dru. With Buffy, it was forbidden, but it was true.

He sat down behind her, slowly running a damp cloth over her bleeding wound.

“You have running water down here?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him.

“I knew a guy. Did Clem’s cave up. That was before Clem found his own way to make money. Now the git has himself an apartment. His neighbors actually bought it when he told them he has a skin condition.” Buffy couldn’t help herself, and she giggled. I’m giggling for him? God, I’m losing it. “There. Isn’t bleeding anymore.” He rubbed some sort of ointment onto the wound that tingled a little, and then he bandaged her up. “Good as new.”

“Thanks, Spike,” she said tiredly, as his hands moved up to her shoulders. He gave one of them a squeeze, and she found herself leaning into him. Within moments, she was leaning against his chest. He felt a twinge of pain in his side, but at this moment, he didn’t care. He had to control himself. But control was a hard thing to keep hold of at a time like this.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked after a moment.

“What?”

“Is it because I was dead?” Spike said nothing. “I haven’t exactly been Sane Girl since I came back. I’m…I’m sending you mixed signals, I know.” Still, nothing. “Spike?”

“Maybe partly because you were dead,” he admitted. “But you know the other part. I’ve told you a dozen times. It won’t change. It can’t.” Buffy closed her eyes. “It never will, pet. As for the mixed signals, I have all the time in the world. I can wait for you to love me too.”

“What if…” She leaned into him a little closer, resting the back of her head against his shoulder. He could hear her pulse pounding in his ears. He could smell the sweet, tangy scent of her skin. He wanted to taste her.

“What if you can’t?” She didn’t say anything, but she knew. “I’m not a beggar, pet. I might come on strong. I might come at you time and time again, trying to convince you that this isn’t going to change for me, but if you give us a chance, and you try to believe it…try to feel that I love you, and you still can’t love me, I’ll leave you alone.” It would be hard, but he knew he’d do it, because even though he was immortal, and he had his entire unlife ahead of him, he wasn’t sure how many time she could be shot down by the one woman he ever truly loved. Good thing she can’t read thoughts, you bloody wanker, he cursed to himself. Sometimes, he realized, he reminded himself too much of William, the young man he once was; the young man that hated his life so much that he’d ended up as a vampire, a loathsome creature that’s only purpose was to kill, to feed, to destroy.

“Spike,” she whispered, closing her eyes, not wanting to turn around and look at him. The feeling of his cool hands on her shoulders was soothing, and for a fleeting moment, feeling that sensation for the rest of her life didn’t sound too awful. “I can’t even think straight.”

“Don’t think, pet. Just feel. Listen to what your heart tells you. You know I love you. You can feel it.” She was silent. “Can’t you?” Buffy shivered, but she found herself nodding. “And you wonder how I can love, when I don’t have a soul.” Another nod. “I don’t know, pet. I’ve asked myself that a million bloody times. When I fell for Dru…but that was different. It was like fire when it happened with you, pet. It consumed me. Tortured me. I didn’t have an answer. I just knew I had to be with you.”

Buffy continued to tremble at his words, but she couldn’t fight him anymore. She knew he loved her. She’d known for a long time, but the idea of a soulless vampire loving anyone, especially her, was a difficult concept to grasp. Not only did it confuse her about who she was, but it made her question everything she’d been taught in her years as the Slayer.

“I don’t know how,” she finally whispered. Bleedin’ idiots, he thought to himself. She’d been hurt too many times before. She’d died, never thinking she’d have to deal with new feelings like this before, and when she’d come back, he’d been there. He wanted to be there. He wanted to show her everything that love could be, but she had to let him, if she wanted to try.

“You know how to feel. You feel with everything you have, everyday. You fight with passion. That’s feeling something.”

“Not since I came back,” she breathed. “Sometimes I feel like I’m in a fog.” He could hear the tears in her voice. I’m afraid of loving you, because I don’t know what that means, her head and her heart screamed. She felt as if she were giving a part of herself away right now. Something she’d wanted to keep to herself. But she couldn’t help herself with him. She felt closer to him than anyone else right now. As much as she wanted to pretend that everything was fine, it wasn’t. Not yet. But it could be. She just had to let herself feel it. She had to let herself live as if she were alive, not waiting for the next shoe to drop; for another apocalypse to avert by martyring herself. “I want to feel right again. It…it just takes time.”

His hands squeezed her shoulders again, letting her know he was there.

“Then let me help you through it,” he whispered. He pressed a soft kiss to her collarbone, and she trembled, shrugging her shoulders at first, but soon giving in to the way his touch made her body react. She turned her head and looked up, looking into his eyes, seeing for the first time how honest he really was. An honest vampire. That was new. This was going to take some getting used to, especially since he could go from an out and out bastard at one moment and be this sensitive, sensual being the next. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was just who he was. She’d known that for some time, but only now was she beginning to truly understand the ins and outs of Spike. Not the demon, but the man.

He looked down into her eyes, wondering if she was about to run off, leave him wondering once again. But she didn’t. She only gave him a little nod, and it was all he needed to know that she was going to let him try to help her. She reached her arm up, brushing her hand against the back of his neck, as she rested against his chest. She closed her eyes, letting herself feel. Letting her body take over for her. No thinking. Just feeling. But the closer his lips neared to hers, the more she thought…and she thought about how desperately she wanted to kiss him.

He pressed the lightest of kisses against her lips, waiting for her to make the move, wanting her to feel right. It was only a moment before she was deepening the kiss, leaning more and more into him, craning her neck further, her fingers softly raking the back of his neck, as her tongue explored his inviting mouth.

As much as he wanted to ignore the pain throbbing in his side, her elbow grazed the bruise, and he let out a groan, a weakened version of what she was used to hearing when his chip fired off.

“Oh God,” she breathed, standing up quickly, pulling on her shirt. She was going to run. He knew it. But, again, she surprised him. “I’m sorry. I forgot…”

“It’s alright, pet. No harm done.” He stood to face her, and she smiled a little.

“Would it be stupid to say I’m nervous? It’s not like…it’s not like I haven’t done this before. This…r…this…”

“You can say it…relationship.”

“Relationship…thing,” she muttered. She wasn’t certain what they had was a relationship. It wasn’t even sex. Yet. She knew that was coming. It was inevitable. She’d seen him naked, and ever since, she couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing it would feel to be pressed up against him. How it would feel to have him inside of her.

“Yeah, well,” he said with a shrug, tossing her the rest of the bandages for her to wrap around his middle, “it means something else when it scares you.” Her eyes locked on his as he said those words. “Because if it ends up better than you expected, it was worth it.”

“And if it doesn’t…”

“At least you’ll have taken a chance to find out.” He grimaced internally, thinking that sounded awfully like something William Pratt, his former self would have said. But she didn’t seem to flinch at it, so he figured they were still alright.

“Can you raise your arms?” she asked, stepping toward him, fingers trembling. He raised his arms as far as he could, which was pretty far. Vampires had a high threshold for pain, but bruised ribs still caused a lot of discomfort.

Smiling slightly, she began to circle the bandage around his waist, not wanting to get it too tight, but wanting it to be comfortable enough that it might protect him from some pain. He’d taken care of her, and now it was her chance to do the same for him.

“There,” she said with a nod of approval when she finished. “All better.” Spike took one of her hands in his, curling his fingers around hers. It was such a simple gesture; so human. Her knees trembled as he looked right into her soul, and she looked into the depths of his gaze, seeing so much more than a soulless demon. He was a man..looking at a woman with more love than she’d ever seen. How it was possible, she didn’t know, but it was comforting.

“Thanks, luv,” he breathed, caressing her cheek with the back of his other hand. He leaned in, brushing his lips over hers again, and in that kiss was a promise that she wasn’t going to regret it. The knot twisting in her stomach told her she hoped she wouldn’t, but something else deep inside told her not to think about it. Whatever happened, happened, but she was ready to experience something new. She was ready to give living another chance, and she was ready to do it with a little help from somebody who loved her.

Chapter 7: Return

When Buffy woke in the morning, she opened her eyes to find herself in her own bed at home. Sunlight was just filtering in, and she suddenly remembered that for the first time since coming back, she didn’t have Spike to wake up to. She’d left him to rest in his own bed to recover from the bruised rib he’d received from their fight with the alley demon.

With a frown, she sat up, feeling the aching muscles in her back and chest from the blow she’d received, and she glanced at the clock. It was after eight. Dawn would be at school already. Willow was probably on campus, and Tara was either down in the kitchen or at the Magic Box. So, she took the opportunity to head into the bathroom and take a nice warm, shower, wincing each time the water stung her wound. She examined it as best she could in the mirror, seeing that it was already starting to heal again. She just had to make sure she didn’t get her ass kicked tonight.

After she was all cleaned up, she dressed, making sure to wear a loose fitting shirt over her uncovered wound to let it get some air. When she headed down the stairs, she could smell breakfast in the kitchen, and her stomach growled. She could hear Tara’s voice, but who was she talking to? Maybe Willow didn’t have class today?

But when she stepped closer to the kitchen, she became aware of a man sitting at the counter. Not just any man. An older man. A British man. A man with luggage. She froze in place the moment Giles came into view. Tara was spooning more hash browns out onto his plate. She looked up, a bit startled.

“Buffy! Good morning.” She smiled. Giles tensed a little before turning in his seat to see the Slayer. Buffy felt the tears immediately come to her eyes, and he stood, slowly walking over to her. Surely, this was a glasses cleaning moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach for them.

Buffy closed the rest of the gap, pulling her arms around the man who’d been like a father to her for five years. His arms closed around her, and she squeezed her eyes tightly, clutching him, hoping he wasn’t leaving again. Sure, she’d quit the Watcher’s Council some time ago, but right now, she needed him as her Watcher more than ever.

When they pulled apart, Giles couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over his face, though his eyes were full of concern.

“How was your trip?” Buffy asked.

“Quite long, actually,” he nodded, holding her out at arms’ length, as a proud father might do to his daughter before her very first school dance. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah,” Buffy muttered. “Can we do it over a little training?”

“What?”

“I’m not exactly…in primo slayer mode lately,” she responded, turning around, tugging down the neck of her shirt to reveal the bandage.

“Good Lord,” he muttered. “What did that?”

“A crypt wall…after a vampire threw me against it like I was a rag doll.” She watched the color slowly drain from his face. “Ready for that training session now?” Giles took off his glasses and proceeded to clean them.

***

Buffy spun on her heel, kicking the training pads Giles had slipped over his hands for this very training technique.

“Good. Once more, a little more force.” Buffy spun again, this time on her other heel, kicking with her left foot. “Excellent. I’d have you get on the pommel horse, but your shoulder could use another day or two of healing.”

“Thanks, Giles,” Buffy muttered, stretching her hood shoulder.

“Tell me exactly what happened that night,” he said, as he searched through the equipment chest, looking for a good board for her to break.

“The night I got hurt?” She thought back to that night, thinking about her conversation with Spike as they’d walked. “Spike and I were patrolling…we were talking.” She decided it would be best for now if she left out the fact that their talking would have ended in them kissing had the other vampire not broken up their moment. “A vamp showed, and I went off after him.”

“So soon after…”

“Coming back from the dead? It’s ok, Giles. I’m starting to accept it. You can say it.”

“Right,” he said slowly. “What were you thinking going in there?”

“I definitely wasn’t thinking about being weaker,” she said with a shrug. “But Spike helped, and he took care of the rest. I just kinda lay there trying to catch my breath.”

“Yes. Well, Spike was rather helpful this past summer.”

“I noticed a big change in him,” Buffy offered. “I know he’s helped before, but I guess I wasn’t prepared for how much he changed while I was gone.”

“He didn’t take your death very well. None of us did. At first I thought perhaps it was his way of manipulating the group, trying to get on everyone’s good side due to a mutual loss. But, he took care of Dawn, looked after her like she was his own sister. I was wary of him, but he never gave me reason to doubt he was helping her.” Buffy felt her throat becoming dry. Giles was actually talking Spike up? She’d never thought she would see the day.

“Well, he did help me…a lot, after I came back. He took care of me that night, and he helped out with this new fun injury,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “And we went out again last night. We both got it big time, thanks to some gross, red demon. He’s dead now though. No worries.”

“Yes, well,” he said with a nod, “it’s good you weren’t patrolling alone. I don’t think you should go out tonight, Buffy. In fact, I strongly advise against it. The rest of us can hold our own for a night or two. You need time to recuperate.”

“Great,” Buffy said with a heavy sigh. “I can’t wait until I’m functioning on all Slayer cylinders again. This weak Chosen one thing sucks.”

“I’m sure you’ll be feeling more like yourself in a few days. Good as new. Resurrection is quite a draining spell for the intended deceased, after all.”

“Yeah. Noticed that.” Giles planted his feet firmly on the mat and held the board out. Buffy shook out her legs, prepping her muscles for impact. She grew very still, staring hard at the center of the board, focusing on that only. Sucking in a sharp breath, she spun again, kicking hard enough that when the board broke, Giles stumbled back.

“Like I said,” he winced, his hands tingling from the force of the impact, “in a few days, you’ll be good as new.”

***

After Giles and Buffy’s training session, Anya closed the shop for a late lunch, and the group headed to a small café. Tara, who normally wasn’t talkative, took the opportunity to fill Buffy in on some things she’d missed while she was gone, while Buffy tried to listen intently. Anya would break in with a quip here and there, and Buffy tried to smile and be patient with the very literal ex-demon. Still, all through lunch, Buffy couldn’t stop thinking about the night before.

She’d opened up to Spike and decided to take a chance, and the moment she let go of her reservations, she’d felt so free. Now, a knot was forming in her stomach again. Relationships never turned out well for her. At least not relationships that involved sex. Friendships, she could do, but actually sharing a part of herself with Spike that was so personal scared her a little. Having sex with Angel had resulted in his turning evil. Having sex with Parker resulted in her feeling like crap for weeks. Having sex with Riley…well, it was good sometimes, but there was always something missing. Maybe it would be different with Spike. Better. If he made love as well as he kissed, well, she was in for some serious, serious trouble. And not exactly the bad kind. The kind that sent chills up and down her spine and made her ache for his touch.

“Buffy? Are you feeling ok? You haven’t had more than two bites,” Tara said softly. Buffy snapped out of her thoughts.

“Oh…I guess I’m not that hungry,” Buffy said quietly. “Big breakfast. It was delicious, by the way.” Tara smiled, but she didn’t hide the concern that shone in her eyes. “I’m fine, Tara.”

“You don’t look fine. You’ve been looking off in the distance and blushing for the past three minutes,” Anya pointed out. “Xander says I do that when I think about sex.” Buffy’s eyes widened, Tara stifled a smile, and Giles fought the urge to clean his glasses.

“I don’t know what I was thinking about,” Buffy muttered, taking a sip of ice water.

“You weren’t thinking about sex with Xander, were you?” Anya asked, gaze prepared to shoot daggers. Buffy made a face.

“No, Anya.”

“It’s good, but he’s mine.”

“Yes, Anya. He’s yours,” Buffy said with a slight laugh. Anya showed her sparkling engagement ring to the Slayer. Buffy remembered something in the back of her head about Xander getting engaged to Anya, but she couldn’t remember much else about it. “It’s beautiful. He has good taste in engagement rings.”

“I think so,” Anya sighed dreamily. “By the way, I’m supposed to ask you to be a bridesmaid. Xander said he insisted.”

“Oh,” Buffy said slowly.

“You’d be up there with me and Willow,” Tara offered. “Willow’s also acting as best man.”

“Oh. Alright,” Buffy said quietly. She looked around, suddenly craving being back at the Magic Box, releasing a little tension through training. “We should be getting back. Willow will be waiting for us.” Buffy got up, taking her check up to the counter to pay, while the rest watched after her for a moment before quickly following after.

***

Willow still wasn’t at the Magic Box by the time Buffy and Giles finished up their second training session. She had called and left a message with Anya, explaining that she would meet everyone at the house later that night. She was helping a classmate study for an exam. Giles looked a little put off by this, like he was eager to talk to Willow yet dreading it at the same time.

After she’d cleaned up and changed back into her jeans and T-shirt, she figured she’s stop by Spike’s crypt on her way home and see if he was doing alright. However, when she was getting ready to head out the door, the phone rang, and Anya answered.

“Magic Box. Oh! Hi! Yeah. She’s here. Oh. Ok. Love you.” Anya hung up. “Buffy? That was Xander. He needs you to pick up Dawn from school. He’s running late at work.”

“Oh. Ok. Thanks. Tell Giles I’m taking his car, and I’ll get it back to him in one piece.”

***

“Where’s Xander?” Dawn asked, climbing into the passenger’s side of Giles’ car. He’d left the car at Xander’s apartment building, giving strict rules that it not be touched by any of them until he returned, if he ever did, that was. But, of course he had.

“Had to stay over at work. How was school?” Dawn shrugged.

“No homework. That’s a plus, right?”

“Big plus,” Buffy agreed.

“How’s your shoulder?”

“It’s ok,” Buffy replied, pulling out onto the road. “I trained with Giles this afternoon. You got to see him before you left for school, right?”

“Yep. But he didn’t look too happy with Willow,” Dawn pointed out.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was kind of tense. They didn’t say much to each other, and she looked worried. But she left before they got the chance to talk.” Buffy wondered if they were talking about the thing they didn’t talk about this morning right now.

“Oh,” she muttered. She knew it was something to do with her. It had to be. The reason he was back was because she was too.

“Spike didn’t sleep over last night. Did you guys have a fight?”

“What?” Buffy asked, concentrating hard on the road. It had taken everything in her to keep from swerving off the road at the abrupt mention of his name. “Um, no. No, we didn’t have a fight. We both got roughed up by a demon last night. We went back to his crypt to get patched up. He passed out on the bed before I left.” The moment she realized what she’d said, her heart nearly stopped.

“I knew it! You are having sex with him.”

“No!” Buffy exclaimed, “and don’t use that word.”

“Sex?”

“Ack! It sounds weird coming out of the mouth of my baby sister,” Buffy groaned. Dawn smirked. “We’re not having sex.”

“Did you ever think it’s just as gross when you say it?” Buffy rolled her eyes at that.

“Spike bruised a rib, and he fell asleep. Nothing happened. I came home.”

“You’re spending a lot of time with him. Are you guys…a couple?”

“Dawnie, it’s complicated,” Buffy admitted. Dawn’s eyes went wide.

“Oh my God!”

“What?”

“You didn’t deny it.”

“What?”

“You didn’t say you’re not a couple. You guys are dating?” Buffy felt her cheeks glowing, and she chewed on her lower lip. “What? You’re the one that told me to stay away from him, because he’s evil. It wasn’t that long ago.” Buffy gave her a look. “I’m just teasing you. If you guys start dating, you have no idea how happy I’ll be.”

“Why would you be happy?”

“Because! You guys are so meant for each other.” Buffy looked at her sister skeptically.

“You think so? Why?”

“Well, because it’s your perfect romantic story! Two lovers from opposite sides of the tracks find a common bond, and they fall madly in love with each other.”

“OK, I’m cutting you off. No more soap operas.”

“Oh, come on,” Dawn whined. “I’ll stop talking about it, but just so you know, if you start dating Spike—which you’d be stupid not to, by the way—you’ll totally have my support.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said slowly. “Why all this sudden interest in my love life, Dawnie?” Dawn shrugged.

“Hey, it’s just good to have my big sister back. It’s good to see you happy. Well, happier each day. I know it’s not easy, and Spike seems to get that. He’s been good to you, and he was really nice to me while you were gone. He’s good, Buffy. He really is.” Buffy let those words sink in, echoing what her heart was already telling her.

“You realize that we haven’t fought since I came back? That’s weird,” Buffy noted.

“I’ve just been going easy on you, because you were dead and everything.” Buffy couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. God, it felt good to laugh like that. “Just wait…the sisterly torture’s coming.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” Buffy pointed. “But I can give as good as I get. And you’d better not even think about looking for my diary.”

“Afraid I’ll find some juicy details about Spike in there?” Buffy’s face turned pink again, and she gasped at her sister.

“Shut up! You are gonna pay, little sister. Mark my words.”

“We’ll see about that,” Dawn laughed. They rode in silence for a few blocks, until Buffy pulled up in front of the butcher. “What are we doing here?”

“I noticed Spike was almost out of pig’s blood last night. I just thought I’d stop and get him some more.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“It’s just blood.”

“Yep. Blood for your vampire boyfriend.”

“Shut up, Dawn,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes, but she couldn’t stop the smile tugging at the corners of her mouths.

“Whatever. I know I’m right.” Buffy shook her head, got out of the car, and headed in to make her order. Five minutes later, she came out carrying the sack, placed it gently on the floorboard of the backseat and turned toward home. “The cemetery’s that way.”

“I know. I’m taking you home.”

“No way! I want to say hi to Spike and see for myself that he’s ok. He’s kind of like my big brother, you know? Come on. He took care of me. The least I can do is help you deliver some pig’s blood.”

“Alright, alright,” Buffy muttered, turning the car around and heading off toward the cemetery. No, this won’t be uncomfortable at all, she thought. Trying to suppress the butterflies in her stomach and the thoughts of Spike that made her knees tremble, she pulled through the gates of the cemetery and parked near the groundskeeper’s office.

They walked silently across the cemetery together, Buffy carrying the bag of pig’s blood, Dawn looking around, shivering.

“What are they gonna do?” Dawn asked. “About your headstone, I mean. How are we gonna explain the empty grave?”

“Willow’s gonna take care of that, I think. I think she can hack into the files and erase my plot. I’m sure she can do a spell to make the headstone disappear.”

“Yeah. It’s nice to know a witch,” Dawn said with a nod. They came upon Spike’s crypt in a matter of minutes, and Buffy slid the door open. When she entered, it was empty, but she knew he had to be home. Where else would he be right now?

“Spike?” A pause.

“Down here, pet.” Buffy froze.

“Oh. Um, I have Dawn with me,” she called. That was code for ‘you’d better have clothes on.’

“Yeah. Come on down!” he called. Buffy led the way, just in case he was perhaps delirious from pain and actually was naked. But when she made it down the steps and reached up to take the bag of pig’s blood from Dawn, she turned to see Spike standing in front of a mirror, bandaging himself. Of course, all that anybody could see was circle of cloth surrounding air. It was like watching the invisible man bandage himself up.

“How’s your rib?”

“Almost healed. Not very painful. Think I’m up for some grunt work tonight.” Buffy’s eyes widened. “Patrol?”

“Oh,” Buffy stammered. “I’m not patrolling tonight. Giles thinks it’d be better if I rest a couple days.”

“Oh. Alright,” he said with a shrug. “What’s this?”

“Fresh from the butcher.” She handed out the bag to him, and he gratefully accepted it.

“Thanks, luv. I’ll pay you back.”

“Nah, this one’s on me.” Spike raised an eyebrow in surprise, and Dawn smiled inwardly to herself, deciding that if these two were going to get together, she’d better let them have every opportunity to get there.

“Whoa, Buffy. I need some fresh air. I’ll be outside.”

“Are you ok?” Buffy asked, turning to her sister?

“Yeah. Yeah. I just forgot how…claustrophobic I can get.” Buffy furrowed her brows.

“OK. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

“Oh, take your time. I’ll be alright. I might walk to the car.”

“Don’t even think about…”

“How could I?” Dawn asked, rolling her eyes. “You have the keys.”

“Right,” Buffy said with a sheepish smile. “OK. Take it easy. Sit down if you have to.”

“Will do,” Dawn said, turning to climb back up, smiling proudly to herself, amazed that Buffy hadn’t caught on.

Buffy turned back to Spike, and she smiled nervously. He eyed Dawn as she disappeared up the ladder, and he shook his head. Clever little bit, he thought to himself.

“You’re…um…you’re sure your rib’s ok?” Spike lifted the thin layer of bandage to show her the almost faded bruise.

“It’s a bit tender, but it’ll be fine by morning, like I said.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly. “Um…well, I don’t want to keep Dawn waiting.” Spike moved toward her, and she couldn’t make her own feet move in any direction. He reached out, resting his hands on her hips, making her entire body quake.

“Don’t think she’d mind waiting a few minutes. You heard her.”

“Spike,” Buffy warned, but not convincingly. She placed her hand on his bare chest, feeling how the cool skin contrasted with her warm hand. She was mesmerized by the pale, cool flesh, and she wondered what it tasted like. Closing her eyes, she tried to think other thoughts, but the only ones she could think were the ones that were about to get her into trouble. Sweet, delicious trouble.

“So,” he murmured. “No patrolling tonight?”

“Nope. I’ll be sitting at home watching reality TV all night, because apparently, it’s taking over the world.”

“Or, you could stop by here…”

“Spike, they’ll all be out patrolling. It’ll be a little suspicious.” Spike cocked an eyebrow, and he could practically feel the tremors running up and down her spine, as he caressed her lower back.

“Or I can come by.”

“Dawn’ll be home,” she pointed out, as he leaned in to brush his lips against hers. “Speaking of…she’s probably still up there right now.”

“Right…you don’t want anybody to know.” She heard a hint of pain in those words.

“Not right now. It’d be too much for them to deal with. Too much for me to explain.” Her hands found his, and their fingers laced together. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, kiss her breathless, and show her what it really was to be loved. But, he knew the timing wasn’t right. “If this…whatever this is…works out, which I’m not sure it ever can, I will tell them. Just be patient with me, ok?” Her voice was so innocent, and there was a hint of a pout on her lips. He couldn’t resist. He pulled her against him, his lips crashing against hers hungrily. He held her so close, and despite the twinge in his side, he kept pulling her tighter against him. She was never close enough. He never wanted to stop touching her.

But the kiss had to end sometime, and Buffy slowly backed away, placing her fingers against her lips, feeling the tingle left from his amazing kiss.

“Come back tonight,” he suggested. “Tell the Bit you forgot something at the Magic Box.”

“Spike…”

“Alright,” he said, backing off. “But I’m going to call you at ten sharp.”

“Call me? How…”

“Ten sharp. If you change your mind—if you want to see me—let me know.”

Chapter 8: Ten Sharp

At five after nine, Dawn came bounding down the stairs with her book bag slumped over her shoulder. Buffy had been perched on the couch watching mindless amounts of television since after dinner. She looked up to see her sister standing in the doorway.

“Where are you going?”

“Um…Janice asked me to come help her study. Big bio test coming up.”

“Oh,” Buffy said slowly. “Do you need a ride?”

“No. She’s coming to pick me up. She has her license now.” Dawn seemed to have a ‘hint hint’ tone to her voice.

“Oh. OK. Well, wear your seatbelt,” Buffy said with a yawn.

“When are you taking me to get my permit?”

“When you can go two minute without tripping over your own two feet,” Buffy teased. “Besides, state law says you can’t get your permit for another week.” Buffy smiled sadly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for your birthday, Dawnie.”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. You were kind of…well, dead.”

“I know. But I still wish I would’ve been here.”

“Well, there’s still my sixteenth, and I expect a brand new car.”

“Well, take that up with the powers that be, because I think I have thirteen dollars and some lint in my jeans pocket.”

“Don’t worry,” Dawn said with a shrug, as a honk sounded from outside. “Mom’s life insurance covered a lot while you were gone, and Anya says there’s still some left.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, feeling a little twinge in her heart. She smiled. “Sounds like your ride’s here. Have a good time.”

“Thanks, Buffy. I’ll just ride with her to school tomorrow.”

“Alright. Call me if you need anything.”

“Alright, alright,” the teen said with a roll of her eyes for show and a smile. “See ya!” Dawn headed out the door, leaving Buffy to the glow and murmur of the television. With a sigh, she turned off the set and headed upstairs.

Once in her bedroom, she removed the bandage from her wound and examined it over her shoulder in the mirror. It looked much better. Another day and it would be healed. She was thankful for that benefit of being the Chosen One.

She piled her clothes into the hamper and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. By the time she was dry and dressed, it was a quarter ‘til ten. She shivered, knowing he’d be calling in exactly fifteen minutes, and she had to give him an answer. Nobody would be home until well after midnight, unless someone got hurt, but still, Buffy wasn’t sure she wanted to chance inviting Spike over in order to avoid being caught heading to his place.

However, the image of the look on Giles’ face should he catch the two together was amusing. It was then that she realized what she was planning. They were planning to have sex. This wasn’t just about hot kisses and mindless groping in the dark. This was about the growl in his voice and the passion in his eyes when he looked at her; raw need dripping from his every word.

Her body was responding to just the thought of him. She could only imagine what it would be like when they finally…

Riiiiiing. Riiiiiing. Buffy jumped, and headed over to her phone.

“You’re early.”

“What?” It was Willow.

“Oh! I…um, never mind. Is everything alright?” Part of her hoped they needed her to come help, because she wasn’t sure how to act in the other situation that was about to present itself tonight. Sure, she’d had sex, but she’d never felt so…desired before. What if he was disappointed when it was all said and done? She froze. Now she was wondering if she was good enough for Spike. Him? A vampire. Wow, she had it bad.

“Everything’s fine. Just wanted to call and tell you it’s pretty slow out here tonight. But we’re expecting at least two ‘unusual puncture mark’ victims anytime now. We’ll be late, so don’t wait up.”

“Oh. Ok,” Buffy murmured.

“Is Spike over there?”

“What? Why would he be here?”

“Well, because he usually sleeps there, and we saw him leave his crypt a few minutes ago.”

“Oh. No. He’s, um…he’s not here. I don’t know if he’s coming or not.” Her cheeks stung at that.

“Oh. OK. Well, we’ll see you in the morning.”

“OK. Night, Wil.”

“Night.” Buffy hung up, her fingers lingering on the receiver. Fantastic. He was most likely going to come over, and they were going to have the house to themselves. All night. She felt a familiar heat pool between her legs at the thought of what they might possibly get themselves into. Well, what else were they going to do? Make popcorn and watch movies?

She found herself pacing, wondering what she should say to him should he actually call. Who was she kidding? Of course he was going to call. The sensible thing to do would be to tell him she wasn’t feeling well, and that she was going to get some rest. But, when it came to desire, nothing was sensible.

The phone rang again, and Buffy looked at the clock. Ten. Sharp.

“Hello?” Her voice was soft, quiet, almost inaudible, but he could hear her perfectly.

“Evening, luv,” he breathed, his voice smooth as silk. A tingle ran up her spine.

“Spike. Hi…”

“Have you changed your mind?”

“About?” she asked slowly, playing innocent. She could hear him smirk on the other line.

“Have you changed your mind about meeting me?”

“No,” Buffy replied quickly. “They’re all out there, and they already saw you leave.” A pause.

“Hmm. So you’re alone?” Lie, she urged herself. “The Nibblet’s there?”

“She’s at a sleepover,” she prattled before she could stop herself. Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why had she told him that? The tingling sensation spread outward from her spine, making her body ache for his touch. Oh. That would be why.

“The others?”

“Long night ahead of them,” she admitted.

“Do you want to see me?” he finally asked, knowing that he probably shouldn’t play games if he wanted to see her tonight.

“Yes.” The word left her mouth in a rush of breath.

“I’ll be right there.” The line went dead, and Buffy lingered with the receiver at her ear for a moment before hanging up.

She rushed down to the living room, straightening her hair in the mirror on the wall. Her hair was still somewhat damp and hanging loosely down her back. She’d chosen a soft, black tank top and a pair of matching pajama shorts sans underwear as her bedtime ensemble, and part of her knew that this was exactly what he was hoping to see when he got there.

“What am I doing?” she murmured, running her fingers through her hair. What feels good, a voice whispered in her head. Before she had the chance to think twice and go upstairs to change, he knocked on the door. Her heart nearly stopped, but she managed to put one foot in front of the other and make her way to the front door. Preparing herself for all possible situations, such as him tackling her against the wall and kissing her into oblivious, or simply him sweeping her up and carrying her to the nearest bed, she turned the knob, opened the door, and greeted him with a pleasant smile. “Spike.”

“Hello, luv,” he said with a tilt of his head and a raised eyebrow. He looked her over from head to bare feet, and he smiled approvingly. “I’m glad you had a change of heart.” He held his hands out. In one hand was a DVD from the nearest rental place, and in the other was a package of microwavable popcorn.

***

The popcorn had barely been touched, but the movie was almost over. She couldn’t believe it. The movie had been a slaughter-fest, and despite the fact that she was a Slayer, and she’d seen much worse on a nightly basis, she didn’t care to watch. Mostly, she stared at the screen but thought about why exactly he’d brought a movie and popcorn. The best she’d come up with so far was that he’d done it to torture her. Yes. That had to be it. He’d come over, knowing she was expecting that he was expecting sex, and he’d brought a movie and popcorn. And to make matters worse, she’d been disappointed. Then she’d wondered what that said about who she was. Disappointed that she was getting popcorn and a movie instead of what would probably be incredibly fantastic sex.

“What’d you think?” he asked, snapping her out of her thoughts, as he popped the DVD out of the player and put it back in its case.

“Um…not bad,” she offered.

“Not bad? It was bloody brilliant!”

“You got the bloody part right,” Buffy muttered. Spike sat back down beside her on the couch. His cool hand brushed the side of her leg, and she shivered, her nipples hardening under her black shirt. She quickly covered herself with her arms, trying to be nonchalant.

“Come on, Slayer. You can’t tell me that wasn’t one of the best horror films you’ve ever seen.”

“I haven’t seen enough to compare. My life is a horror movie. Remember?” Spike shook his head.

“You didn’t touch the popcorn.”

“What is this?” Buffy asked aloud.

“What?” He eyed her, his azure eyes burning into hers. She swallowed hard, cheeks flushing red. He was going to make her say it, and he was going to enjoy it. Bastard.

“Popcorn and a movie? That’s what you wanted to come over for? After earlier in the crypt? And after last…”

“What were you expecting pet?” he asked, clearly amused.

“Nothing!” she insisted.

“Nothing? Then what’s got you wound up so tight? You’re awfully tense.” She just stared at him.

“It’s nothing. I just figured you’d…you’d come over and try to…to grope me and…and get me into bed, so…so I’m just…shocked…no, surprised that this is what you had planned.” She tightened her jaw, trying to lie as best as possible. It was useless, she knew.

“Are you disappointed?”

“No! I’m…so not disappointed. I’m happy, actually. I didn’t want you pawing me anyway. I’m too tired.” Was it possible to turn anymore red? She could feel her cheeks practically sizzling. Were they as red as they felt? Still, this back and forth banter had her responding to him in the same way she did when she thought about the things he could do to her with only a look.

“You’re a terrible liar, pet. Did anyone ever tell you that?” Buffy looked at the blue glow of the television, trying to ignore him, but he reached for the remote and the screen went black. “Besides, what makes you think this is all I had planned?”

“Sorry,” she said with a shrug. “Maybe if you’d saved the movie for last, I’d have been more cooperative, but…” She shrugged and stood up, making a show of heading out of the room, but he grabbed her wrist and tugged her down into his lap. She couldn’t hold her faux anger anymore, and she let out a little giggle. “Just wanted to see how long you’d last before you couldn’t take it anymore. I’m impressed.”

“Oh, please! Like you’re God’s gift.”

“Hardly,” he chuckled, licking his lips. “Wouldn’t be nearly as interesting, would it?” Buffy rolled her eyes, and Spike smirked at her again, but she couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face again. Damn it. Why’d he have to be so damned irresistible? And how had she resisted him before? Oh yeah. The raging hatred and mortal enemy thing.

He had a firm hold on her. One arm around her waist, the other under her knees, holding her in his lap, hoping she wouldn’t try to get away. And she didn’t. He made the first move, pressing his lips against hers. She was surprised at the softness of his kiss, and she relaxed against him, inhaling the scent of his cologne and the cigarette smoke clinging to his black t-shirt.

Somehow, she found herself falling back against the couch cushions, knees bent, leaving enough room for him to crawl between them and rest against her. She moaned softly, as his lips pressed against the hollow of her throat, and she fought the urge to gasp for breath. Closing her eyes, she let her body take over.

His hand moved to cup a breast in his hand, caressing her nipple through the fabric of her shirt. She moaned into his mouth, as his tongue sought entrance. She opened up to him, her tongue brushing against his, reveling in the feel of her own warmth against his cool caresses. It was breathtaking.

His other hand moved between them, brushing over her thigh and then moving under her shirt, his fingers seeking the warmth of her stomach. She felt her muscles shrink under his touch, and she let out a giggle. The last thing she wanted was to let him know she was ticklish, but when she opened her eyes and saw the devilish gleam in his eyes, she knew he knew. Thankfully, he didn’t explore that newly learned fact.

His hand moved further up under the shirt to touch her other breast, feeling the nipple harden under his cool fingertips. He looked down into her eyes, and he watched as her cheeks turned pink again. He was in awe. The Slayer, the most powerful woman in the world, was reduced to nervous blushes beneath his intent, heated gaze, while his hands took their time exploring the soft flesh of her well-toned body.

“So bloody perfect,” he muttered against her neck. Her hands roamed up his back and into his hair, pulling him to her for more kisses. She smiled against his lips, when his hand moved away from her breast and caressed her inner thigh.

He could feel her heat against the crotch of his jeans, as he slowly began to grind against her. He was hard now, straining against the not-so-stretchy material of his pants, and Buffy gasped at how the friction made her almost instantly wet.

“Oh God,” she murmured, arching her back, as he tasted the flesh of her shoulder. “Spike…unh…” Another grind had her throbbing now. He’d barely touched her, but God, she was so ready for him.

“What is it, kitten? Tell me what you want?” he murmured. He saw the amused twinkle in her eyes, but it quickly faded, as her body continued to respond to his actions.

“Say it again,” she found herself whispering.

“Kitten?” She smiled, biting her lower lip. His lip curled up in a smile, and he realized she rather enjoyed the new pet name he had for her. She arched her neck up so she could kiss him again, hungrily, her hands moving to grab at his shirt. He helped her out by pulling back and raising his shirt over his head. Her hands started at his shoulders, slowly moving down his body, over his firm abs, gently caressing the spot where his bruise had already faded.

“Does it still hurt?” she whispered. He shook his head.

“Told you. Good as new,” he breathed. She smiled again, and he resumed kissing her, as her fingers explored his cool, bare skin. She felt him shudder against her, as the warmth of her fingers trained paths from the back of his neck to the edge of his jeans. “Mmm…need to see you…” He raised up again, and she managed to halfway sit up, her body trembling even more now, because this was about to go past the point of no return. She wasn’t looking for an escape. She was only looking into his eyes.

His fingers started at her waist, lifting ever so gently, tickling her ribs, as he lifted the shirt over her head. It lightened the mood when she began to giggle, and when he tossed the shirt to the growing pile on the floor, he raked his eyes across her chest, his mouth watering at the sight of her.

She blushed again. She’d never been well blessed in the breast area, and that’d always been kind of a hang up each time she’d revealed herself for the first time with a guy. But the way Spike looked at her made her feel differently…made her feel perfect. His lips were on hers again, and he was pulling her to him, one arm around her waist, pinned between her back and the couch cushions, as he trailed kisses from her lips, down her throat, and down her chest.

She gasped at the feeling of his cool, wet tongue against her breast, circling the sensitive flesh, as he caressed the other with his free hand. However, his hand began to move down her stomach, making those muscles jump again, and when he reached her shorts, his cool hand pressed against her hot center.

She closed her eyes, biting her lower lip, arching her back again, as he began to rub her slowly, a thin layer of cotton acting as the only thing separating him from what he wanted. He inhaled deeply, her scent filling his nostrils, and Buffy would have made a face had he not smiled reassuringly as he gazed into her eyes.

“Tell me,” he breathed. “What do you want?” Buffy groaned, muttering something incoherently. He nibbled her earlobe, as he continued to stroke her. “What, luv?”

“Not here,” she managed to gasp. “Up…upstairs.” His eyes sparkled. The thought of making love to her in her own bed was thrilling. She wanted this. She wanted him in her bed.

He managed to make it off the couch, pulling her along with him. He lost his hold on her for a moment, and the moment her feet touched the ground, she was springing back up, her legs wrapping around his waist, her breasts crushing against his chest.

He carried her up the stairs with ease, making his way blindly to her bedroom. When his knees hit the bed, he fell forward, and they toppled onto the bed together, her legs still wrapped around his waist, grinding against the bulge that was becoming uncomfortable for him now. He stood, unwrapping her from around him, and he reached down, taking the waist of her shorts in his hands and slowly, torturously sliding them down her legs, immediately finding, with great appreciation, that she wasn’t wearing panties.

He tossed the last piece of her clothing aside, and slowly parted her legs, and she watched with awe as he admired her. Her scent was making him dizzy with fever now, and as much as he wanted to taste her, he had to be inside of her. She was glistening, ready for him, and when she saw the sudden need in his eyes, she sat up, eyes on him, as she began to work with his belt. His hands moved to her shoulders, gently kneading them, his eyes never leaving hers.

The belt slid out of the loops easily, and in moments, Buffy was pulling his jeans down, finding herself wondering why she was surprised he wasn’t wearing underwear. She gasped a little at the sight of him before her, and she realized that he was bigger than she’d ever had before. He had at least a good inch in length on her past lovers, and he was slightly bigger around.

She slowly lay back on the bed, her eyes meeting his again. He crawled over her, and she could feel the tremors running through his body as fast as they ran through hers. Her breathing quickened, and as he slid his cock against her center, she closed her eyes, her hands reaching for him, gripping his shoulders. She sought his mouth, her lips pressing needful kisses against his. His arms wound around her tightly, and he began to slide into her. As much as he wanted to lose control at that very moment, he fought hard to make this right for her. He wanted it to be the best moment of his existence, and the painful thought that this might be his only chance with her flitted through his mind. If this was his only shot, he wanted to make it memorable for the both of them.

She found herself holding her breath, feeling her body stretching to accommodate him. She marveled in the fact that he wasn’t as cold inside of her as she would have thought. It wasn’t like anything she’d felt before, but it felt good.

He pulled back a little before pushing in a little further, feeling her nearly milking him, her muscles tight and starting to pulsate around him. It took another couple of strokes before he felt her relax and start to breathe normally again.

Her eyes were glazed now, and he kissed her forehead, beginning to make love to her. He kissed her eyelids, her nose, her mouth, nibbled her lower lip, let her moan into his mouth, and he buried his head against her shoulder, as he picked up the pace.

“Oh God,” she murmured. “Spike. I need you, Spike.”

“I’m here, luv,” he breathed. “I’m here.” He pulled her knee further up and elevated her hips just slightly, causing the friction to graze against places she’d never thought could feel so good.

“Unh…Spike. Oh God. Don’t stop,” she breathed, resting her forehead against his shoulder, as he threw his head back, a growl escaping his throat. He’d wanted to take it slow, their first time, but he couldn’t help himself, and she didn’t seem to be complaining.

“Buffy,” he groaned, as he felt his body losing the fight with control. She was starting to shudder, and he looked down at her face, the face of an angel, and she clenched her eyes shut tightly, her mouth opening in a silent scream, as she arched back, her body stiffening for only a moment, before he felt a flood of warmth surrounding him.

A few strokes later, and he watched her eyes widen in surprise as his seed filled her, cooler than she’d expected, but judging by the way her lips curled in a smile, he gathered it wasn’t an unpleasant sensation.

The moment he left her, rolling onto his side, he found himself gasping for breath, which he had no use for, but God, the things she could do without even trying. Her body could respond to his in ways that were unexplainable, and she had no idea how amazing that felt.

She turned her head, looking at his still face, as he lay with his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling unnecessarily. He looked so human, and she couldn’t help but reach out to touch his chest, as if searching for his pulse. But there was none, obviously. However, his hand found hers, and he curled his fingers around hers.

“I…I…” he stammered. “You’re amazing. The things you do…”

“I didn’t do anything,” she admitted, the blush returning to her cheeks, as she rolled to her side to study his face.

“You did plenty, kitten,” he practically purred. He turned to his side, daring himself to kiss her. The look in her eyes told him she wouldn’t turn him down. And she didn’t. She moaned softly against his lips, her body still recovering from what had just happened. The sky hadn’t fallen. There were no flying pigs of any kind. The world hadn’t ended, and she felt amazing. Her body was still on fire, and all she could think about was next time. “You’re so beautiful.”

“You…I’ve never,” she murmured quietly, “I’ve never been able to…not that fast…” He smiled a big smugly, but he quickly thought better of it. Deciding to go for the less cocky approach, he caressed her shoulder.

“It’s been a while for you.”

“I guess, but still…wow.”

“I was ‘wow’ worthy?” he asked, smile turning smug again. He couldn’t help it.

“Get over yourself,” she scoffed, but leaned forward to kiss him again. “But yeah. That was pretty ‘wow’ worthy.” She sat up in bed, and Spike wondered if this was it. Maybe to her, it was that one amazing experience that she thought was better left at a one-time-thing. But, when she turned in the bed to face him, he slowly sat up across from her.

“Slayer,” he murmured, “I…”

“I wasn’t ‘wow’ worthy?”

“You were bloody fantastic,” he said with a shake of his head. “I can’t even…you know…I just…”

“Ohh…a speechless vampire. I think that qualifies as…” But she was interrupted by a kiss, and the rest of the words spilled out into his mouth. He didn’t want to ask the question. He knew if he waited long enough, he’d know if she wanted him again, but the moment she slowly pushed him back, he thought he knew the answer. Their kiss broke apart, and what he thought was the end of something completely beyond this world, his head was hitting the pillow, and she was crawling over him. Well, he had his answer. For now. Who knew what the next hour or day or week held. But, when she smiled and whispered into his ear, something told him he had nothing to worry about right now, so he was going to enjoy every single moment.

***

Another hour in the bedroom and a long, pleasurable shower later, Buffy and Spike were sitting on the couch downstairs after having made sure to clean up the living room a little. Clothes were put back on. Well, his were. She’d changed into something a bit warmer, some grey pajama pants and the same black tank top, and he was thankful for the fact that she was comfortable enough to curl up against him and watch TV.

“They’ll be home soon,” Buffy said with a yawn.

“Want me to go?” he asked.

“Mmm…no. Stay.” She found her eyes growing heavy.

“You’re sure?”

“Sure. I’m sure.” Her words were getting more distant, and he kissed the top of her had. He hated to ask. He knew he shouldn’t. But, he was a glutton for punishment. He had to know.

“Buffy, wake up.”

“I’m awake,” she mumbled. But, he gently pushed her back, placing his hands on her shoulders. He smiled as she blinked sleepily in front of him.

“This thing,” he said quietly, “I…I don’t want to scare you.”

“I’m not scared, you stupid vampire,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes, obviously becoming lucid again. “Amazing sex doesn’t equal scary.”

“Unless I start dropping a certain word around.”

“OK. Tonight was…it was perfect,” Buffy admitted. “Can we just…leave it at that? I don’t want to talk about the ‘l’ word or anything else. I’m happy. You made me happy tonight. Several times.” Spike chuckled at that, but he couldn’t help but let a little fear slip out in the quiver of his voice.

“So leave it at that?” he asked. “You mean…it’s just…tonight.”

“What?” Buffy asked. “I…is that what you want?”

“Are you mad, woman? That’s like asking a starving man if he wants to skip dinner.” Buffy smiled a little.

“OK. So…we’re agreed? This…we can keep doing this?” He answered her with a kiss. “I like that answer.” He kissed her again, and they settled back to watch the TV again. Soon, she curled up into his lap, and held her for a good while, before finally carrying her up, placing her in her bed, and then returning to his usual sleeping place, the Summers’ couch.

Chapter 9: Progress

“Buffy?” Buffy’s eyes snapped open at the sound of her friend’s voice. It was Willow. She glanced at the clock. One thirty A.M. She didn’t even know how she’d gotten to bed, but she figured Spike must have carried her. Yawning and turning on her light, Buffy sat up, squinting at her friend.

“Wil? What’s wrong?”

“It’s…I couldn’t wait until morning. I was gonna talk to you earlier, but I couldn’t you get you alone.”

“What’s up?” Buffy asked, stretching a little. She quickly discovered that some muscles weren’t used to the strenuous activities she’d participated in earlier.

“You…you know how Giles wanted to talk to me earlier.”

“Yeah. I meant to ask you…I just…it slipped my mind.”

“It’s alright.”

“How’d it go?”

“Aside from Giles threatening to send me away for witch rehab?”

“What?!”

“He thinks…he thinks I’m getting too powerful.” Buffy thought for a minute.

“But I thought the whole point of being a good witch was to be powerful.”

“He thinks I’m messing too much with the dark stuff.” There was silence, and Buffy shivered.

“Oh. Like what you used to bring me back.”

“Sort’ve,” Willow murmured. “Buffy, I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I knew the risks. Something could have gone wrong, and I just…I wasn’t thinking. We all wanted you back so much, and…” Willow’s eyes were brimming with tears, and Buffy reached out to place her hand over her friend’s.

“Wil, we already talked about this.”

“Maybe I am getting out of control, Buffy. I…I mean, Tara’s gotten on me a few times about using spells to do little things. I try not to use them so much, but sometimes…sometimes I just forget, and it’s…it’s easier to do a spell.”

“Wil,” Buffy whispered, “I…I need to tell you something. And I hope you’ll listen. I feel like telling you is…is more important, because you’re the one that brought me back. Yeah, the other’s helped, but I think you knew more of what you were doing.” Willow nodded slowly. Buffy squeezed her hand, prepared to let this out now. Maybe it was the fact that tonight had been one of the best nights she’d had in a long, long time, or maybe it was the fact that she truly was getting over what had happened to her, but the way Willow sounded worried her, and she needed to tell her, even if it didn’t sound so great at first.

“What?” Willow asked. “Is it about the spell?”

“Wil,” Buffy said again, clearing her throat. “When…when I came back, I didn’t want to be here.”

“What?”

“I told you I was grateful you brought me back and…and that’s truer now than it was then. But…Wil, I was happy. I was finished,” she whispered. Willow’s face continued to contort into a dismayed frown.

“Buff…”

“No, I need you to hear it,” she said with a shake of her head. “Where I was…I was at peace. I knew everything was alright, and I didn’t have to worry. And then I was ripped out of that…” Willow flinched. “I came back here, where everything was violent and confusing, and I had to come back to a life full of pain…and…and confusion.” Buffy’s own eyes were welling with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Buffy. I’m sorry we…”

“Wait. I’m not finished.” Buffy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I was out of sorts for a day or two. Understandable, right?” Willow nodded. “But ever since then…I’ve been trying to focus on what’s here now, and I know I still have things I have to do. Like I told you…I’m not done here. And…I like to think that someday, when I’m old and grey, but still have fabulous fashion sense,” she quipped, “that I’ll be able to go back there…wherever I was, and know that it’s the right time.”

“Buffy…”

“It wasn’t my time. I chose to jump, because Glory didn’t give me any other choice. I couldn’t let Dawn die. But, when I died, I left her, and I left all of you to try and pick up the pieces. And you brought me back. It was the right thing to do.”

“You…you forgive me?” Willow wondered. Buffy smiled, and without words, she pulled her friend in a warm hug, and when she let go, she smiled.

“I owe you, Wil. I owe you for bringing me back, even if I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here. I know now…it’s what I needed.” Willow smiled, feeling a little better. “Maybe Giles thinks you’re getting too far in, and I don’t know if you are or not…but whatever it was you did, it brought me back here, and it gave me another chance.” Buffy’s tone grew darker though. “But you’re my best friend, Wil. Maybe…maybe you should cut back a little more, even if it’s for a while. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Willow looked away and nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“So what else did Giles say? Or do I wanna know?”

“Besides the fact the fact that the spell could’ve gone wrong, and you could’ve been a zombie?” Buffy nodded. “He said I could have disrupted the cycle in which Slayers are called.” Buffy froze.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” Buffy muttered.

“What?”

“When the Master killed me,” Buffy murmured, “I was only gone for a few seconds, but it was enough. Kendra was called. When Kendra died, Faith was called.” Buffy watched Willow’s expression change. They’d been so worried about getting their friend back that they hadn’t even stopped to consider that there was more than likely a brand new Slayer running around out there.

“We…we haven’t heard a thing from the Watcher’s Council. Nobody’s contacted Giles.”

“It’s ok, Wil. I should’ve thought about that as soon as I came back.”

“You had a lot on your mind. But…I guess it’s good to know that there’s somebody else out there that can take care of themselves against demons. One less person for you to protect, right?” Buffy nodded, but she didn’t feel so sure.

“Right.” Willow frowned and looked at the clock.

“I’m sorry I woke you up. I just thought you’d want to know.”

“I’m glad you did,” Buffy admitted. “I…I needed to talk to you.”

“Thanks for telling me. I’m glad things are better for you now.” Buffy smiled.

“Me too. G’night, Wil.”

“Night.” Willow disappeared, returning to her and Tara’s room. Buffy sat up for a few minutes, thinking about everything Willow had just said. Mostly, however, she thought about the fact that there was probably another Slayer out there, most likely one without training. At one time, only one Slayer existed at a time, until she went and let herself get killed by the Master. Then poof, two Slayers and no way to turn back the hands of time. Then she went and got herself killed again. Why hadn’t she thought of it at all?

She fought for over an hour with the mattress, trying to find a comfortable position, but she just couldn’t sleep. Finally, she decided to go downstairs and get a glass of water. She tiptoed down the stairs, hoping not to disturb Spike, but when she peeked into the living room and found the couch without anybody on it, she immediately became alarmed. She hurried over to the front door, looking out on the porch to see if he’d gone out for a smoke, but he wasn’t out there. She padded into the kitchen, looked out the back door, and still found no trace of him.

She shrugged her shoulders and groggily moved over to the sink, filled a glass half full of water, drank it down, and headed back out of the kitchen. But, as she was leaving, she could smell the distinct smoke from his brand of cigarette. She looked over toward the basement door to see a sliver of light playing across the floor.

Silently, she moved toward it, and she opened it up.

“Spike?” She closed the door behind her and headed down the steps into the basement, lit only by one of the lights in the far corner, where Spike was spread out on a cot, looking up at the bottoms of the kitchen floorboards, blowing a steady stream of smoke from between his lips.

“Hoped you might come down here,” he admitted, putting out his cigarette and sitting up on the cot. Buffy slowly crossed the room and sat down on the cot next to him. She looked down, noticing that he was barefoot, wearing sleep pants and nothing else.

“Willow woke me up, and I couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“Everything alright?” he asked, leaning against the cool bricks of the basement wall. Buffy scooted back to do the same. Their shoulders touched, and Spike placed his hand on her thigh, testing the waters. She didn’t react, so he kept it there.

“I didn’t even think there might be another Slayer out there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Remember? Faith’s only a Slayer because Kendra died. Kendra was a Slayer, because I died.”

“Oh,” Spike said slowly, realization hitting home. “You think another one was called when you…”

“Yeah,” Buffy said with a shrug. “I mean, why wouldn’t there be? I died for all of a minute when the Master got me, and that was all it took for Kendra. It’s not like the Powers that Be would have a lull period between Slayers. There always has to be one. Well, I guess three now.”

“You want to look for her?”

“It’d be impossible to find her. I’m not even sure the Council would help us. Oh, I’m sure they could find her, but…”

“No use thinking about things that might not even have happened.”

“What?”

“Just because you died…maybe it doesn’t happen every time now that there’s more than one Slayer. With Faith…”

“Locked up,” Buffy added.

“Well, yeah, but she’s still Chosen. Maybe this time, instead of calling another Slayer when you died, maybe…”

“Maybe it reverted back to the way it’s supposed to be,” Buffy finished. Spike nodded. “And then I came back and screwed it all up again.” She shrugged. “Maybe.”

“No use worrying your head about it now. If it did happen, maybe you’ll get to meet her someday. I don’t see why you’re so fixated on this.” Buffy sighed. He was right. Why worry about something that she had no control over, if it even happened anyway? She had better things to think about, such as finally feeling happy. If a year ago, somebody had bet her a thousand dollars that she’d be starting up a relationship with her mortal enemy, she’d have taken them up on it, because it would have sounded absolutely ridiculous.

But nothing felt ridiculous about the way he gently kneaded her thigh, or the way she placed her hand over his.

“Why’d you come down here, anyway?” she wondered, eyeing him. He smiled at her, shrugging his shoulder.

“Wishful thinking.” Buffy giggled, and she shook her head.

“Yeah, wishful thinking, that’s for sure.”

“Hey,” he pouted, feigning hurt, “why’d you come down here?”

“I smelled smoke, and I saw light. I wanted to make sure you weren’t trying to burn the house down.”

“Oh, you know me so well, luv,” he breathed, as she leaned in to kiss him, teasing his lips with her brief kisses before she pulled back.

“I’m wide awake now,” she muttered.

“C’mere,” he offered, laying down and moving over to give her some room. “Sometimes it’s better if you don’t sleep alone.” Buffy eyed him, considering her options, before she lay down next to him, turning so her back was to him. He turned to spoon against her, and he wrapped his arm around her waist, his hand splaying out across her tummy. She smiled, as his nose buried into the back of her hair.

“You smell so good,” he murmured. She placed a hand over his, and she closed her eyes, smiling into the darkness.

“Good night, Spike.”

***

“The Bronze? Tonight?” Buffy asked, as she and Dawn stood on the front porch. Xander would be by any minute to pick her up for school.

“Sure! Why not? It might be fun. You and Spike can dance, and…”

“What makes you think we’d want to dance together?”

“Oh, whatever,” Dawn replied with a roll of her eyes. “You two think you’re so smooth. Maybe the others don’t see it, but come on. You look at him like he looks at you.”

“And…how might that be?” Buffy asked, a defensive tone thick in her voice.

“Like he’s sex on a stick.”

“Dawn!” Buffy exclaimed, only to be answered with an amused smile from her little sister. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure. Sure. Maybe you don’t even see it yet, but you two are totally meant to be together. You’ll see.”

“Oh look. Xander’s here! Have a good day at school.”

“Uh-huh, change the subject.”

“Oh, go to school, Dawn.” Dawn gave her sister a quick hug before sprinting off to hitch a ride with Xander. Buffy waved to her friend, who gave her a wide smile and a wave back. When Buffy turned back around to go inside, she smacked right into Tara, who seemed a little agitated. “Oh! Sorry, Tara.”

“It’s ok.”

“Is everything alright? Did something happen?”

“N…no,” she hesitated. “Everything’s fine. I’m just running late. I promised Anya I’d help her do inventory at the Magic Box.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, see ya later?”

“Sure, at the Bronze?”

“Oh, Dawn got to you too?”

“Oh yeah,” Tara said with a smile, happy to be distracted from whatever was on her mind. “It’ll be fun, I guess.”

“Sure! That is if music hasn’t changed into something completely awful. I miss the music they played when we were kids. Whatever happened to that?”

“Ah yes. Good times,” Tara agreed. “See you later, Buffy.” Buffy gave her friend a quick wave and sighed, heading back inside. As she was coming through the door, Willow was squeezing past her, muttering something about being late and waving at her friend. Buffy finally managed up inside the quiet house, leaning against the front door.

She closed her eyes, thinking about everything she had to do for tonight. Pick out an outfit, do her hair, makeup, maybe do her nails. As she was thinking about it, a pair of lips crashed down on hers, and two strong arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him and away from the door.

When they finally broke away, she stared at him in shock for a moment before relaxing in his arms.

“You know, the fact that you’re jobless, and I have nothing better to do while I wait for the sun to go down bodes well for the both of us.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked, her lips curling into a devilish grin.

“Mmm,” he murmured, as he went in for another kiss. She kissed him back, her tongue teasing his lips as she begged for entrance into his mouth. He backed her up against the door again, turning the lock and putting up the chain. No interruptions. Scooping her up into his arms, he carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom.

***

“What do you think? For the Bronze tonight?” Buffy asked, standing in front of the bed, holding a white blouse up to her chest and a black skirt to her lower half. Spike made a face.

“Hideous. Toss it,” he teased. Buffy’s jaw nearly dropped.

“Well, who asked you, Mr. Fashion Tasteless?” she asked, tossing the clothes aside, revealing her naked form.

“Ah, much better,” he commented, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back, admiring her. Buffy rolled her eyes but crawled back onto the bed. Spike sat up, leaning his back against her headboard, and she straddled his lap, pulling her arms around his neck.

“Well, I can’t go naked.”

“So don’t go at all,” he suggested with a shrug.

“I have to go,” Buffy reminded him, nibbling on his lower lip for a moment, before pulling back to look into his eyes. “They want me to go, and I think it might be fun.”

“More fun than…” He raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I can cut out late, and…” Her words fell only against his lips, and she moaned as she felt a stirring against the back of her leg. She smiled, situating herself in his lap, grinding her hot center against his growing erection. She moaned softly, holding on around his neck, as his fingers gripped her hips. She let go with one arm and reached down to stroke him until he was completely hard. Then, while never taking her eyes off of him, she raised her hips and guided him inside.

She was slick and hot, and though they’d just shagged less than twenty minutes ago, she was still so tight that it took him a couple of strokes to fill her. Her eyes closed, and she rolled her head back, a low moan escaping her lips. His hands gripped her hips harder, as she began to ride him slowly. His head flew back, hitting the headboard.

“Bugger,” he growled, pulling her against him, kissing her breathless. A soft, mewing moan followed a string of hot kisses that made her melt.

He took the opportunity to flip her onto her back, pulling her legs around his waist, as he drove into her, making her gasp in pleasure. She bit her lip, trying to control the cries from slipping through.

“S’alright, kitten,” he whispered between kisses. “We’re home alone.” At his reminder, she let out a cry that made him shutter in pleasure. It was raw…primal.”

“Fuck!” she cried out, her nails raking down his back, as he angled her hips to give her more sensation, and he circled his thumb around her clit, feeling her inner muscles beginning to contract. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, and he continued pumping into her, and after a few more strokes, he felt her entire body shutter, and her neck arched back against the mattress. “Spike…” It was only a matter of moments before he spilled himself inside of her, continuing to pump inside of her until he began to go soft. He lay atop her for a moment, and she smiled up at him, her skin covered in a fine sheen of sweat. He bent down, tasting the salt against her lips.

When he pulled back to look into her bright, green eyes, he wanted to say so many things to her. He wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted to tell her that she was everything to him. But those words only led to painful conversations about their relationship and about the status of his non-existent soul. So, he said nothing. He only kissed her once more, and he slid out of her. He rolled onto his side to watch her, as she took in big gulps of air. He smiled lazily at her, placing his hand against the warmth of her stomach. She turned to look at him, and she smiled back, perfectly content for now.

“Buffy?”

“Hmm?”

“Save a dance for me tonight?” he asked, half-kidding. What was the harm, really? People could dance and be friends? She just wasn’t sure how her friends, namely Xander, would react. After she pondered it for a moment, a smile broke out on her face once more.

“Okay.” And she pulled him into another smoldering kiss.

Chapter 10: The Bronze

The lights were bright and hot, and the music was louder than she remembered. As the group, minus Spike, walked into the night club, they made their way through the throng of dancers to a table in the middle of the room. Dawn was the first to sit down, and Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, and Buffy all circled around it. Buffy looked around, searching for any hint of a bleach blond vampire, but so far, nothing.

Spike had left at sundown to do whatever it was Spike did when she was alone. The thought amused Buffy, because she figured that one of those possible things would be so much more fun if he wasn’t alone when it did it.

“Wanna dance?” Willow asked, cutting through her delicious thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Dance! Come on!” Just like old times, Buffy, Willow, and Xander all headed out to dance on the floor, while Anya, Tara, and Dawn watched, shaking their heads in amusement. Buffy couldn’t help but laugh as Xander pulled out his awkward but entertaining moves, and Willow danced like nobody was watching. She’d used to be this shy little girl, and now she danced with confidence. She crooked her finger toward a shy Tara, who shook her head, but was soon overcome by the smile and charm of her lover. She quickly took the dance floor, and Willow spun her around. Soon, she was laughing, and as Buffy danced along with her friends, she couldn’t help but search around, wondering where he was. Surely he was coming. From the sound of it, he’d planned to.

Buffy looked over toward the table and notice Anya was making her way onto the floor, and some kid was asking Dawn to dance. Buffy caught her sister’s awkward glance toward her, and she gave her the big sister ‘be good’ warning glare.

She had to admit, it was fun to get out and dance again. As a matter of fact, the last time she could recall having fun at the Bronze was when Spike awkwardly tried to make small talk. God, if she only knew what she knew now, that night would have ended so much differently.

After a few minutes, Buffy felt her throat going dry, and deciding the crowd was too loud to excuse herself from her friend, she just walked up to the bar and ordered a coke. As she was sipping at it, the music changed into something softer, slower, and everyone coupled off, even Dawn and whoever that boy was with his hands that were thisclose to being inappropriately low on Dawn’s back. Buffy kept an eye on them for a minute, before she caught a whiff of that familiar cologne. Then, a cool breath on the back of her neck.

“Dance with me,” he breathed, inhaling the scent of her hair and skin. He noticed she was wearing some tangy, fruity body spray. She wore the same white shirt she’d held up earlier, though the skirt was different. It was black leather, but it was shorter, and he couldn’t help himself. His hand grazed over her hip, and she spun around to face him.

“Spike!” She didn’t sound angry. More…surprised than anything. Then she smiled.

“Hello beautiful,” he murmured, loud enough that she could hear over the blaring music, but soft enough that only she could hear it. And again, “dance with me.” She looked over toward her friends, deciding they were lost in their own little worlds with their respective partners, and she shrugged. What the hell? Just because she was, for all they knew, single, didn’t mean she couldn’t dance with a vampire.

She led him out to the dance floor and draped her arms around his neck. Smiling, she cocked her head to the side.

“I didn’t know vampires liked slow dancing.”

“When it’s with a hot, young Slayer like you, it’s another story.” He was practically purring. She laughed a little and shook her head.

“What do you think? Do we look like a couple, or do we look like friends dancing?”

“Who says we’re either?” She made a face.

“Tease,” he murmured.

“Shh,” she blushed. She looked out the corner of her eye and saw Willow and Tara watching them questioningly, and when she turned her head, she gave them a little shrug and a smile, and Tara smiled, before she lifted her hand to Willow’s cheek, leaning in to distract her with a kiss. Spike felt the urge to do the same, but Buffy shook her head.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“What?”

“You know what.” She let out a little sigh, wishing she could kiss him right now. But, she wasn’t ready to share her relationship with him with the rest of the group. This was almost pushing it, but she figured she’d take any opportunity to see Spike try to dance. Actually, he wasn’t half bad, and she didn’t know why that surprised her. In over a hundred years of roaming the planet, he surely picked up some dancing lessons somewhere. Maybe he ate a dance instructor and something stuck.

Buffy looked over toward Dawn and her dance partner to make sure they were misbehaving, but Dawn was too busy watching her sister to pay much attention to the guy with his arms around her waist. Dawn’s face was plastered with a knowing smile, and Buffy rolled her eyes at her. Dawn just shrugged and winked at Buffy, who blushed.

She had never really been a blusher. Damn vampire, she thought, and looked up at him through her lashes.

“Wanna cut out of here, pet?”

“I can’t.”

“C’mon. They won’t notice.”

“Maybe not during the slow songs, but…”

“I need you,” he murmured, starting to push a little, his hands moving along her waist, his fingers skimming over the skin just above the waist of her skirt. She felt those familiar tingles rushing through her to her core.

Buffy looked up again, seeing a none-too-happy Xander dancing with Anya. Anya said something in his ear, and he turned his attention back to her. Looking back at the vampire who was doing things to her without barely touching her, she bit her lower lip. She considered it for a minute, before she nodded. She leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Meet me outside. Ten minutes.” A gleam flickered in his eyes, and he nodded, letting her go. They walked off in opposite directions. Buffy moved to the table, and he exited the club, presumably not to return.

Before the slow song was over, Xander made his way to the table.

“What was that?”

“What?”

“Dancing…with Spike?”

“Come on, Xander. I didn’t have anybody else to dance with.”

“Yeah! But…but Spike?”

“Give him a break,” Buffy warned. “When’s the last time he did something to…”

“He’s a vampire. Enough reason to hate him for more than one lifetime,” Xander pointed out. Buffy sighed and shook her head.

“Xander! The song isn’t over yet,” Anya pouted, making her way to the table.

“Sorry, sweetie,” he said quietly. “I’ll dance the next ten songs with you, alright? I’m just talking to Buffy for a minute.”

“She looks annoyed. I don’t think she wants to talk to you,” Anya said matter-of-factly. Buffy raised an eyebrow. For once, Anya said something right. But, she shook her head.

“It’s ok, Anya. He was just asking me why I was dancing with Spike.”

“Why were you dancing with Spike?” she wondered. Buffy gave an exhausted sigh.

“Who else was I gonna dance with? We’re friends…he…”

“You can’t be friends with a vampire, Buff. You tried it with Angel, and look where…”

“Can we not talk about this?” Buffy asked. “Can’t we just try to have some fun?” Xander flinched.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Buff. I didn’t think…I know it’s your first time here since…since everything. I didn’t think.” He thinks I’m dancing with Spike because I’m not myself, she assumed.

“Don’t worry about it,” Buffy said with a shrug. “I’m gonna go get some fresh air. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Want me to come with?” Xander asked.

“No! No…I’m fine. I’ll be back in five minutes.” Or ten. Or twenty, her mind hoped. And she was off, moving through the crowd, trying not to step on feet or knock drinks out of unsuspecting hands. And finally, she made it outside the doors, her eyes scanning the crowd outside. A line of impatient partiers were eager to get into the club. Where was he?

She walked off away from the crowd, knowing he’d be lurking in the shadows, waiting for her.

“Spike?” she whispered, turning the corner, finding the dark, cool alley filled the echoes of rustling leaves on the pavement. She turned around, only to feel two strong arms grab her, turning her around. She gasped, but immediately relaxed when she saw him, the moonlight shining down on him, making his blue eyes almost glow. How was it possible she could see them so well in the dark?

Her mouth was dry again, and before she had the chance to speak, he pulled her to him in a crushing kiss. She gasped against his kiss, but surrendered to him, letting him pull her into the shadows. She felt her back hit the brick wall of the side of an old building, and she moaned, as he began to grind into her. He was so hard, and the moment his hands crept up her skirt, pulling at her panties, she was wet; ready for him.

“Do you want me?” he growled against her lips, as her fingers fumbled with his belt.

“Mmm…Spike. Yesssss….” She felt his tongue and his lips on her neck, and she pulled her arms around his neck. He swiftly grabbed her behind the legs, pulling them up. They wrapped around his waist, and Buffy freed his straining cock from the confines of his jeans, guiding him inside of her in one fluid motion.

“Fuck,” he groaned into her mouth, as he guided her up and down, listening to her suppress her own cries through clenched teeth and pursed lips. “So tight…so fucking tight, Slayer.”

“Spike. God…Spike! Unh…oh…mmm….” A gaggle of giggling girls passed by, and Spike carried her further into the alley, pressing her back against the wall when they were further into the shadows, and he sought her lips with his own. “Unh….mmmm….Spike…I’m…oh God…YES!” Her cries were getting louder now, and it was only a matter of time before somebody heard and came to check out the situation.

But, as her pulsating inner walls began to strangle his cock, he let go, filling her with his seed, as she rode out the wave of an amazing orgasm. In minutes, he was lifting her off of his softening cock and stuffing himself back into his pants, while she pulled up her panties.

“You’re terrible,” she hissed, though clearly not a bit angry.

“They don’t call me the Big Bad for nothing, pet,” he grinned, licking his lips.

“You call yourself the Big Bad,” she scoffed. “Get over yourself.” He pushed her back against the wall.

“Take it back,” he teased.

“If I don’t?” she asked, batting her eyes innocently, knowing he could see her quite clearly in the darkness.

“Buffy?” came a worried voice from nearby.

“Willow,” Buffy hissed. She and Spike quickly parted, and she took the lead heading out of the alley.

“Wil?” Buffy came rushing out of the darkness to find her friend standing there with a concerned looking Xander.

“Are you ok? Xander said you came out to get some air…”

“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly. “I did.” She noticed her friends staring at her strangely, and she realized she probably looked a bit disheveled. Not missing a beat, she cleared her throat. “There was a demon in the alley. Come on, let’s go back inside.” Xander and Willow exchanged glances but ultimately followed their friend back into the club.

Once back inside The Bronze, she made her way back to the bar to get another coke and was surprised to find Spike sitting there already having a drink. How had he gotten back so fast?

He could smell her halfway across the room, and he smirked a little when she sat down next to him and ordered her drink.

“I told them there was a demon,” she muttered.

“Yeah? Did you take care of him?” Buffy felt her heart still hammering against her chest.

“Yeah. I took care of him.”

“Lucky bastard,” he muttered, taking a sip. Buffy took her own drink in her hands, took a long, refreshing gulp, and then smiled, satisfied.

***

“So? Who was he?” Buffy asked, as she and her sister sat in the kitchen sharing the rest of a pint of double fudge mint chocolate chip ice cream.

“Who?” Dawn asked innocently.

“Who?!” Buffy scoffed. “Mr. ‘Can’t Keep His Hands to Himself.’ He was all over you! I so don’t approve.”

“Come on! He was not! No more than Spike was all over you!”

“That’s different!” It came out before she could stop herself.

“Because he’s your boyfriend.”

“He is not!”

“Then what is it?”

“Mind your own business.”

“You know, I thought you were a cool big sister, but now I’m starting to think you’re pretty lame. Will you just tell me? I already know! I just wanna hear it from you.”

“Dawn…” Buffy’s voice was turning more serious.

“Come on. Tara and Willow are sleeping, and Spike’s out smoking. Nobody’s gonna hear but me. Please? You know I’m on your side, so you can at least practice revealing the big news on me.” She had a point.

“You’re too young to hear this.”

“Oh, so there’s sex stuff! I knew it.” Dawn smiled smugly.

“If you say a word…”

“Buffy, I have my own life, you know. I have more to worry about than who your stupid boyfriend is.”

“Then why do you wanna hear this?”

“Ugh! Just tell me!”

“Alright,” Buffy replied, holding her hands up. “If you mention a word of this to anyone, I will kill you. I’m serious. I will make it slow and painful.”

“I swear. Now spill.” Buffy took another bite of ice cream, and then she paused for a few seconds to swallow, making Dawn bounce impatiently on the other side of the counter.

“Alright...alright.” She cleared her throat. “Yes. We’re…a couple.”

“Oh my God, I knew it!”

“Shh!”

“So you guys are actually having…”

“Now that’s none of your business!”

“Oh come on!”

“Nope. Not telling you. But we’re waiting a while to tell anybody else…just to see what happens.”

“How long have you guys been…you know…together?”

“Really just a couple of days. I started feeling things for him when he came back, and…well, one thing led to another, and here we are.”

“Yeah…wow. I’m jealous.”

“Yeah? Well, it’ll happen for you someday. When you’re a little old lady, and I’m dead and buried…permanently, not just temporarily. Because I refuse to let my little sister…”

“Whoa, Buffy, chill. I’m not even thinking about sex right now.”

“Yeah, right. When I was your age…” She cleared her throat. “You know what? Let’s go watch Disney movies and drink chocolate milk.” Dawn rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to bed. You’re ridiculous.”

“Love you too, Dawn,” Buffy smirked.

“Love you,” Dawn called back, as she left the kitchen and hurried up the stairs. Buffy sighed, taking another spoonful of the ice cream into her mouth. When she felt his hands on her hips, she smiled, spinning to lean against the counter and look into his eyes.

“Want some?”

“Depends on what you’re talking about,” he said with a cocked eyebrow. Buffy reached over, dipping her finger into the ice cream tub. She brought it to his lips, and keeping his eyes on her, he took her wrist and sucked on her finger, taking it in and out of his mouth a few times, devouring the sweet treat she’d offered to him. She trembled as his eyes darkened, and he replaced her finger with her lips, kissing her hungrily.

“Mmm,” she moaned into his mouth, tasting the sweet, melted ice cream on his tongue. He pressed her harder against the counter, and she began to squirm, breaking free of their kiss. “Mmm…ok. Alright.” She laughed. She pushed on his chest, and he backed off. She smiled, taking one last bite of ice cream before stuffing the nearly empty container back in the freezer.

“I thought you birds only ate the really unhealthy stuff after a bad break up.”

“Mmm…it’s good for just about any occasion,” Buffy commented with a shrug. “Just so you know, Dawn knows about us.” Spike eyed her.

“And…that doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would it? She’s my sister?”

“Where’s Buffy, and what have you done with her?”

“Give me a break, Spike. She’s already kinda known all along anyway. She’s not going to tell anybody, because I threatened to murder her.”

“Oh. Well, looks like our secret’s safe then.” He smiled, pulling her close again. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, before she wrenched herself away from him.

“Where are you going?”

“There’s a cot in the basement with our names on it.” Spike definitely liked the sound of that. He half-ran, half skipped to the door, and Buffy had to suppress a shriek, knowing he was in full pursuit. As soon as the basement door shut behind them, the vampire became the hunter, and the Slayer became the hunted.

***

When she slipped back upstairs to her room before sunrise, Buffy felt lighter than air. It was amazing how feelings changed so quickly. She knew that the feelings she had right now were new. She was having fun, and she wondered if those happy feelings she had were making her think she was falling for him. She knew she could. Easily. That was obvious now. But, the idea of falling in love was frightening. Especially when it was with someone she never expected she’d find a piece of herself in. He was part of her, and she knew he always would be. She just hoped she wasn’t confusing him or herself.

Sex…good sex was fun. It made her want to be with him. Made her think about him. Made her see the good he actually had in him, rather than the evil she’d been programmed to see from the moment she’d been called as the Slayer. He wasn’t as bad as she’d thought, but was she really falling for him, or was it just a reaction to, well, really, really good sex?

Sighing, she slumped down on her bed and crawled under the covers, wishing he was there with her to hold her until she fell asleep.

Chapter 11: Kinda Dating

The days passed, and soon, a month had gone by, and Buffy was feeling much more like her old self than usual. Except for the fact that her old self wouldn’t have let her sneak down to the basement each night with Spike for a little after hours…training. Nor would her old self have let him sneak into her room on occasion, especially since neither one of them were particularly quiet in the throes of passion. Despite the fact that Dawn knew her sister and Spike were secretly a couple, Buffy didn’t exactly want her sister or the rest of the household to hear their escapades. Their wild, raw, completely erotic escapades.

Everything had pretty much gotten back to normal. Giles was officially moved back to Sunnydale, Xander and Anya were making wedding plans, and Willow and Tara were happy and in love, well, when they weren’t privately arguing about Willow’s increasing use of spells. Buffy heard them arguing until three in the morning once. That was a long night. A long night of waiting for the house to grow silent so she could slip down to the basement and be with him.

It was mid November, and the air was significantly cooler than it had been a month ago. Dawn was breaking out the light sweaters, and Buffy was pulling on her heavier leather coat when it came to patrolling.

Lucky for her, she was in better shape than ever, thanks to training with Giles. She hadn’t gotten hurt once since the night before Giles’ return, and it was nice to know she could go out, do her job, and come home with plenty of time to spend distressing with the only man who’d ever been able to make her…relax so many times in the course of a half hour.

Money was growing thin, and Buffy knew she was going to have to go out there and get a job before too long. She had no qualifications, unless being able to stake a vampire in 3.2 seconds was worthy of putting on a resume.

“What do you think of light blue for the bridesmaid’s dresses?” Anya asked thoughtfully as she thumbed through a bridal magazine. Buffy and Willow looked at each other.

“Light blue’s pretty,” Buffy said quietly, “but I’m not sure how good it would look on all of us.” She looked at Willow with the flame-colored hair.

“Ugh. Willow, won’t you let us dye your hair for the wedding?”

“Yes, because that’s the gift I want to give you for your wedding. My fried roots,” Willow said bitterly. Buffy raised an eyebrow at her tone. Well, she wasn’t really surprised that Willow’s mood wasn’t so fantastic, considering last night, she’d overheard Tara telling Willow that if she continued using spells for the little things, she was going to move out.

Buffy thought about it. Willow had been using her powers quite a bit lately. She’d come home late one night last week and whipped out an amazingly tasty meal with just the flick of a finger and a few foreign words. She’d also used her powers to help her study for a test, which she passed with flying colors. Sure, it seemed harmless, but Buffy could understand where Tara was coming from. It was a little ridiculous, especially since Willow used to be happy to study all by her lonesome without any help from a spell.

“Well, green might work better,” Anya said with a shrug. “Buffy has green eyes, and Willow…yeah, I think green.”

“Whatever you want, Anya. It’s your wedding,” Willow said with a shrug, turning back to her computer screen. “I’m never gonna get this done.”

“You’re right. It is my wedding. Why am I asking for opinions? I should take my own advice and get whatever I want. That’s what human women do, right? They become similar to demons when it comes to wedding planning. Except demons don’t get quite as pushy at a bridal outlet.” Anya was in her own little ex-demon world now, and Buffy took the opportunity to get some solo training in while Willow worked on typing up a paper that was due tomorrow.

Buffy shut the door to the training room and started out easy with a hundred sit ups and crunchers, and then she began her stretches. After a few minutes of good stretches, she got up and moved toward the punching bag. Only about halfway through her sixth swivel-kick did she feel his eyes on her from the shadows near the far wall of the building. She stopped, turning to see him leaning against the wall, a smirk on his face.

“How long have you been here?” she asked casually, hands on her hips, sauntering across the room, her hips swinging a little more than usual. She saw him smile in approval.

“Snuck in through the tunnels,” he admitted. “Don’t mind me. I like to watch you train.”

“What are you doing? Here? I thought you had a poker game with…who was it?”

“Clem and Erg.”

“OK, the fact that you know somebody named Erg is enough to give me the creeps.” Spike chuckled a little. “How’d it go?”

“Well, why don’t you come out with me tonight, and I can show you?”

“What?”

“I won. Three hundred dollars.”

“Wow. That’s…impressive.”

“You really should let me show you how to play. You might win enough to keep the bills paid another month or so.”

“I’d rather earn my money the normal…legal way, thanks.”

“Alright then,” he shrugged. “You’re missing out.”

“I think I’ll live,” Buffy replied, stretching out a little more.

“Go out with me tonight.”

“What?”

“C’mon. I’ve got money to spend. Let me take you…”

“On a date?”

“Yeah…that’s generally what it’s called with a man takes his lady out for drinks, dinner.”

“You don’t eat.”

“C’mon, Slayer. I’m trying to be romantic.” Buffy couldn’t help but giggle at that. She moved toward him. “Let me take my girl out for a night on the town.”

“What part of town are we talking about? Your part of town? Something tells me your buddies at the demon bar wouldn’t be so thrilled that you brought your Slayer girlfriend.” Spike raised his eyes at the term she’d just used.

“Girlfriend? Is that what you are to me?” Buffy rolled her eyes and closed the gap, pulling her arms around his neck, as his hands rested on her waist. “That’s what you said, right?”

“Mmm…yeah,” she said with a shrug.

“Your friends out just outside that door, luv,” he warned, as she stood on her tiptoes to shut him up with a kiss.

“Mmm...hmm…” She pulled back, and he eyed her warily.

“What’s going on? You’re Buffy, aren’t you? Do I need to check you for a computer chip and…”

“Shut up,” Buffy said, swatting his arm. “Of course it’s me.” He felt as if the room was spinning. She’d never referred to herself as his girlfriend, but that’s basically what she was, even if they hadn’t exactly come out to her friends about it.

“So…you wanna tell me what’s got you calling yourself my girlfriend and not punching me in the face when I suggest taking you out on a date?” He watched as he leaned back a little, cocking her head to the side like he often did. Her fingers laced together behind his neck.

“Maybe because I’m tired of sneaking around.”

“What?”

“Well, we kept things quiet just to see what happened, and so far, well, I’m enjoying myself. And I know you are, Mr. Sneaks In My Room At Three In the Morning.”

“Did you have a stroke?” he asked, eyes narrowing. “Or did something hit you in the head? I’m not entirely convinced that you’re really you right now.” Buffy rolled her eyes and leaned into him again, her lips pressing against his, her tongue flicking out to tease him, as her fingers traced seductive trails down his neck and his chest.

“Convinced yet?”

“Mmm…might take a bit more…” Buffy gave his lower lip a little bite. “Ow! Bugger….Alright, woman! You’re the bloody Slayer.” Buffy smiled, satisfied. “So…you want to tell your friends about us?”

“The other night, I lay in bed listening to Willow and Tara argue for hours, and all I wanted to do was go downstairs, but I couldn’t without somebody hearing me. I might be Chosen, but they have ears like you wouldn’t believe.” Spike smirked a little. “It’s getting harder to sneak around. Dawn already knows. I’m not sure my friends will be as accepting as she was, but I’m sick of having to wait until the middle of the night to have sex with my boyfriend.” She placed her hands on her hips, stomping her foot in frustration. “I wanna have sex at home in the middle of the day without having to sneak around, like normal people.” Spike chuckled, shaking his head.

“Alright, pet. How do you suggest we tell them? Might want to tell the Watcher in a public place where there are witnesses. Preferably, for me, at night. If he wants to kill me, I’d rather have the advantage, pet.”

“He’s not gonna try to kill you.”

“Oh, no? He’s the closest thing you’ve had to a father in years, and you’re the daughter he never had. You can’t tell me he ever approved of any of your boyfriends.” He watched her shift on her feet.

“He didn’t mind Riley that much,” she said quietly. “But he didn’t throw a party when I started dating him either.”

“See. Now, I’m thinking a bar with no wooden tables. Walls made of cement. No wooden fixtures. Not even toothpicks in the appetizers. Sound good?”

“Wow. I think I’ve finally found something that scares the Big, Bad Spike.”

“I’m not afraid of the old man,” he argued. “But I don’t think he’s as willing to keep me from turning to dust as you are, luv.” Buffy shook her head, standing on her tiptoes and kissing him once more.

“We’ll tell them all at the same time. We can shock them all at the same time.”

“No offense, luv, but those friends of yours are pretty dense. If they paid any attention at all…they’d have picked up on something weeks ago.”

“Well, they didn’t. And we’re telling them.”

“Tonight?”

“Well…we could do that, or you could take your girl out for a night on the town.” She watched the smile curl up on his lips.

“We’ll tell them tomorrow, then.” Buffy nodded in agreement and kissed him again, this time, letting him deepen it. The door opened suddenly, and Buffy and Spike both turned to see Dawn walking in. She made a face, closing the door behind her.

“Get a room,” she complained.

“Dawn! What are you doing here?”

“Hello? You promised to help me pick out an outfit for the dance Friday night.”

“Oh,” Buffy murmured. “I forgot. Um, alright, sure.” Buffy turned back to Spike, blushing a little. She leaned in, whispering. “We’ll go after patrol tonight.”

“Sounds like a plan, luv,” he whispered. He leaned down, pressing his lips against hers, tasting the sweetness of her kiss. Both of them heard Dawn audibly force a gag, and they broke apart. Buffy shot a glare in her sister’s direction.

“See you tonight, Spike.”

“Tonight,” he said with a nod, watching her walk away.

***

“So he actually asked you on a date?” Dawn asked, as they walked around the mall. Dawn had already found her dress for the dance, but now they were taking their own sweet time window shopping.

“I guess it’ll be a nice change from patrolling. Of course, we’re still doing that tonight.” Buffy shrugged. “And…big news.”

“You’re pregnant!”

“What?! No!” Buffy exclaimed. “Vampires can’t make babies…I don’t think. I hope not, because we haven’t exactly thought about having to be care…oh, why am I telling you that?” Dawn rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“Well, you might want to look into that, because it’s not like that many women have had sex with a vampire and lived to tell about it. Well, except for you, that is.”

“Thanks,” Buffy muttered. “Anyway, the big news is that we’re telling everyone tomorrow.”

“Really?” Dawn asked.

“Yep. No more secret keeping.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Well, things have been going alright, and we’re sick of sneaking around. So…”

“Xander’s gonna freak. You do realize that, don’t you?”

“Well, it’s not really his business. He’s sleeping with Anya, and we all know that not everybody’s crazy about her. I mean, she used to be a demon, and she was evil. I mean, vengeance demon, hello? She was a demon for a lot longer than Spike, so she’s probably killed way more people.” Buffy furrowed her brows. “Did I just say that?”

“Yeah. You really did just compare how many people your boyfriend has killed with the number Xander’s girlfriend has.”

“This might be the most disturbing conversation ever.”

“So? What are you gonna wear tonight?” Buffy smiled at her sister, grateful for the change in subject.

“I don’t know. Whatever I wear to patrol in.”

“Oh, come on! It’s a date. It’s special!”

“Why am I taking dating advice from a fifteen year old?”

“I’m just saying…he wants to take you out. Wouldn’t it feel nice to get something new…something he’d really, really like?” Buffy couldn’t deny the fact that that sounded great, but she shook her head.

“We can’t afford that right now, Dawnie.” Dawn sighed, her shoulder slumping, but she grinned evilly at her sister a moment later.

“It’s not like he’s gonna really be that interested in what you’re wearing…it’s what’s underneath that counts, right?”

“Dawn!” Buffy yelped, as her sister responded with a fit of giggles. “That is so wrong.” But oh…so right. Dawn sobered up for only a second before cracking once again. Buffy caught on to her sister’s contagious giggles, and the two spent the rest of the afternoon talking about each of their upcoming dates: Buffy’s with Spike and Dawn’s with, as Buffy referred to him, Mr. ‘Can’t Keep His Hands to Himself.’”

***

Buffy stared at the clock, as she put away research books in the back of the shop. Only another hour or so before she headed out to patrol, and she was certain it would be a quick one tonight. Though, she had no idea what Spike had in mind for their date, but the thought of not having to hide after tomorrow was a relief. However, she wasn’t certain how things would be between her and her friends once the news was out. She figured Tara would be very supportive and that Willow would also be supportive, if not a bit cautious and overprotective. Xander, on the other hand, would be shocked and probably disgusted, not to mention a hypocrite, considering the woman he was about to marry used to be a demon, and was certainly far from being a normal human even now.

“Giles?” Buffy asked, moving toward the research table. He looked up from his reading material. “Any word from the Council about a new Slayer?”

“I’m afraid not. The Council doesn’t appear to be very cooperative…”

“Since I stooped cooperating,” Buffy said with a slow nod.

“I wouldn’t worry. If there is another Slayer out there…”

“She’ll need to be trained,” Buffy insisted.

“Or maybe she’ll hate the whole Chosen thing, and she’ll ignore it.”

“It’s kind of hard to ignore demons and vampires coming at you every single day. Believe me. I tried. They find you. It never fails.” She made a face. “I don’t see why nobody else thinks this is a big deal.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re worried about, Buffy. If another Slayer was Chosen when you died, which we aren’t certain even happened, we’ll surely hear about her eventually, when the Council is desperate enough to ask for our help.” Buffy shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess.”

“I was reading about locator spells to track Slayers. Even potential Slayers,” Willow said eagerly. All eyes turned on her. “It’s true. I guess some watchers hire powerful witches to help them track down potential Slayers to train just in case something happens to the current Slayer.” Buffy shivered.

“Well, that makes me feel all good and tingly.” Of course, with a job like hers, one wasn’t exactly going to be handed life insurance. She’d once read about Slayers being killed within hours of being called. It wasn’t a pretty job, but somebody had to do it.

“Well, they do want to prepare them in case one is called. Maybe she already had a watcher, and she’s trained. I could do a locater spell and find her if it’d make you feel better.”

“Do you even know how?” Tara asked a bit sharply. Willow turned at the tone of her voice.

“Well, no, but I could learn. There are a few translations I need to work out, and a few supplies I’d need.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Giles said with a shake of his head. “The only Slayer we need to focus on right now is the one that’s standing in this very room. We just want to make sure we keep her safe, so I think it’d be better if we all keep researching. I believe it’s almost the season for some species to start laying eggs.”

“Demon eggs,” Xander shuddered. “Sounds all cute and fluffy, but when they hatch, watch out!”

“Yeah. Getting demon slime out of leather isn’t of the fun,” Buffy muttered.

“Speaking of clothes…” Xander said, eyeing Buffy’s ensemble. “Aren’t you a little dressed up to go hunting vampires?”

“What? This?” Buffy looked down at the black, leather pants that went with the shimmery red and black halter tied around her neck. To top it all off, she was wearing heels.

“Yeah, Buff,” Willow said slowly. “You look like you’re getting ready to go on a date, not crack demon skulls.”

“I’m not going on a date,” Buffy said immediately, getting an eye roll from Dawn, followed by a mouthed ‘smooth’ from her lips. “All of my patrol clothes are dirty.” That wasn’t a lie. She hadn’t done laundry in over a week.

“Isn’t that a new outfit?”

“Oh…I…well, yeah,” Buffy said slowly.

“That’s it. I knew it! Who’s the guy?” Xander asked with a knowing smile. “I’m surprised at you, Buff, keeping him a secret like that. What? Aren’t we good enough to meet him? Or are you embarrassed by him?” Buffy felt her cheeks grow hot.

“I’m not…shut up, Xander,” she finally said, crossing her arms.

“So,” Willow said teasingly, “when do we get to meet his mystery...” Suddenly, a look crossed her face, and it wasn’t one that Buffy was particularly fond of. It was one of those realizations, as if something had just clicked into place. And at that moment, in Willow’s head, it had. Her mind flashed back to watching Buffy willingly go out on the dance floor with Spike at the Bronze. Then there were the nights she could swear she heard more than one voice in Buffy’s room, but chalked it up to the TV in Dawn’s room. “Oh my God…” Buffy’s eyes widened.

“Wil?”

“It’s…” Buffy’s eyes widened.

“Uh…hey, Wil! Can you help me with something in the back?” Willow immediately jerked her friend out into the training room, slamming the door shut in a non-so-discreet manner. Willow just stared at her friend, certain moments coming back to her, making so much more sense now.

“Buffy…you and Spike?!”

“Shh!”

“Why are you shushing me?”

“Because I haven’t told anybody, obviously!” Buffy hissed. “I was gonna tell you all tomorrow.”

“How long…”

“Almost a month,” Buffy considered. “Wil, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know the right way, and I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into.”

“But Spike? Buffy, he’s a vampire.”

“Yeah, I kinda noticed that,” Buffy said with wide eyes. “He’s…he’s not…well, you spent more time with him this summer, seeing as I was dead. He’s not evil, Wil.”

“No, I guess not,” Willow considered. “But…but you hated him. Now you’re…what?”

“I’m kinda dating him.”

“Kinda dating him? What does that mean? Are you kinda dating him like…like I don’t know…like Dawnie’s kinda dating that guy you hate, or are you kinda dating him like…I’m dating Tara.” Buffy caught the tone of her voice and all that it implied.

“The second one,” Buffy squeaked out.

“You’re…you’re…”

“Yeah, Wil, I’m…sleeping with him.” She squirmed a little at that. It wasn’t so much sleeping as it was insane, passionate sex, followed by a little snuggling and then going their separate ways as to not create any suspicion.

“Wow,” Willow breathed. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So…so you two…wow.”

“You said that already,” Buffy said with a half smile.

“Buff, I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine. I can take care of myself. Besides, he’s all chipped and everything.”

“And if he wasn’t?” Buffy flinched at that but shrugged her shoulders.

“Wil, I’m not worried. I know what I’m doing.” She let out a little sigh. “He might not have a soul, but he’s far from evil.”

“Don’t let Giles hear you say that,” Willow said with wide eyes.

“Yeah…well, I’m telling everyone else tomorrow. That was the plan, and that’s what I’m sticking to.”

“Giles…”

“Giles isn’t my father, Wil. He’s my Watcher, and I know he’s gonna hate the idea. I’m sure Xander will too. But, it’s my life.”

“I’m pretty sure they’ll see it more like your death.”

“Probably,” Buffy muttered.

“Buffy, this is big news,” Willow said as if she were running out of breath, her hand clutching her chest.

“Wil, I’m not asking that you all be Spike’s best friends, but I’m asking for a little support here. He’s been…I…I don’t know…he’s been amazing since I came back. I know it sounds crazy. I don’t know what’ll happen…if it’ll last. But…”

“You love him.”

“I…I don’t know,” Buffy whispered.

“You care about him?”

“Yeah. I do. A lot. And I know he loves me, which, yeah, I know, sounds impossible. But he does, in his own way.”

“Wow, Buff,” Willow whispered again. “You…you, uh, you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Yes, Wil.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Just don’t say anything to the others.” She furrowed her brows. “If you want to tell Tara, you can, but…I’m not sure she’ll be surprised.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. Just…she looks at me sometimes…like she knows something. But it’s nothing judgmental. It’s…just…like she knows.”

“Hmm,” Willow said, secretly a tad disappointed that Tara had never even began to mention anything about a possibility of Spike and Buffy being together to her.

“Just…don’t mention anything to Xander and Giles. Not until I have the chance to talk to them. I just can’t do it tonight.”

“Ok,” Willow nodded, her voice still dripping with concern.

“Wil,” Buffy breathed, placing her hands on her friend’s tense shoulders, “trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

“I know. I…I just don’t wanna see you get hurt. You’ve been through enough.” With a sad sigh, Buffy hugged her friend, closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly.

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna be fine.”

Chapter 12: Playing with Fire

Two hours, three beheaded demons, and a staked vampire later, Buffy and Spike were sitting in an empty movie theater, as the glow of the movie previews washed over them. Buffy eyed Spike curiously.

“What is it, pet?” He suppressed the smile that threatened to pull at the corners of his mouth. He knew it was killing her to figure out why he’d brought her here of all places. She was probably disappointed, but she didn’t have to know quite yet that it was all part of the plan.

“Well…I’m just wondering why you decided to come to this movie. It’s a girly movie. And...it hasn’t gotten any good reviews.” She watched as he settled in against the seat, his heat tilting back a little.

“Which means nobody’s coming to see it.” Buffy caught the seductive tone in his voice, and she couldn’t help but smile. She looked around. Despite the fact that they had their pick of every seat in the theater, they’d settled into the very back corner. Spike had no intention of watching a movie with her.

“So…this is all for some cheap thrill of getting your rocks off in a movie theater.”

“No,” he said slowly, grabbing her and lifting her into his lap, hands secure around her hips. “It’s about getting you off in a movie theater…”

“I don’t buy the whole selfless thing,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes.

“Yeah? Well…I wouldn’t mind a little…reciprocity.”

“Ooh, big word. Did you learn that in Bad Date Etiquette 101?” Spike could tell if she wasn’t trying to trust him, she’d have punched him in the head as soon as he’d dragged her in here.

“Alright, so I lied. It’s not as public as you probably would’ve thought…but trust me; it’s not the end of our evening.”

“Ohh, it had better be worth it. You do know that first dates are supposed to make good impressions.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t count when the first date comes after a solid month of shagging at least twice a day.”

“Pig,” she muttered, as her arms circled around his neck.

“Oink, oink, baby,” he smirked, one hand trailing up her leather-clad thigh while the other moved to her neck, pulling her down to crush her lips against his.

***

“Well…that was…” She pressed her forehead against his, her breath still coming in ragged gasps. His hands tightened around her waist, and he leaned in, kissing her clumsily, before he pulled back and smoothed her hair down, looking into her sparkling, green eyes.

“Yeah,” he murmured, still inside of her, not quite ready to let her go.

“Never did that in public before.”

“Ah, but you’re forgetting the night at the club.”

“Oh, right. The alley. I forgot,” she teased.

“Please!” Spike scoffed. “That was very memorable.”

“Get over yourself,” she laughed, kissing him again. She held onto his shoulders and slid off of him, quickly pulling her underwear and pants up. She shook her head. As much as she enjoyed the sex, she was a little disappointed, because she was hoping for something a little more….oh, romantic. Of course, Spike wasn’t exactly a flowers and hearts kind of guy, though he could be quite romantic with his words when he wanted to be. Still, part of her longed for a little gesture that spoke deeper than kinky sex in an empty movie theater.

“C’mon, pet. Let’s get out of here.”

“Where to next? The adult video store?”

“Well, now that you’ve reminded me…” He ducked a slap. “Kidding, luv! Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

“You’ve already twisted them enough for one night,” she smirked. Spike leaned in, his lips a breath apart from hers.

“Just trust me, Buffy,” he encouraged, his bright, blue eyes weakening her knees. She just nodded, and he took her hand, pulling her up and out of the theater. On to phase 2 of their date. She could only imagine what he had planned. While Spike had a twisted sense of humor, she knew that despite his lack of a soul, he could think up some amazing things when he wanted to.

It was a bit awkward walking down the street now, after they’d just made a very private, very interesting memory together. Spike watched her out of the corner of his eye, seeing the way she clenched her fists and then relaxed them, trying to focus on something besides her curiosity as they went to their next stop.

“Did you stop to think that maybe I was distracting you with the movie theater?” he finally asked, lighting a cigarette. He took a slow drag and released the stream out into the cool, night air. Buffy looked over at him.

“I guess I was just expecting something else. I mean, it wasn’t anything different than we normally do, except it was in a movie theater,” she blushed. Then, she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why I was expecting anything different. You are a sex-craved vampire, after all.” Spike chuckled, shaking his head.

“That was just for fun,” he teased. “The real date’s actually much better. Besides, who’re you calling sex-crazed, pet? I seem to recall you doing a fair share of waking me in the middle of the night so you could get your jollies.”

“Jollies?” Buffy asked, a grin appearing, her eyes twinkling in amusement. Spike shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry I’m giving you a hard time. You don’t have to do anything special for me just because we’re…officially…dating.”

“I just heard an apology from the Slayer. What’s next?” he wondered with faux-astonishment.

“Well, don’t get used to it. It doesn’t happen very often.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, luv.” He reached out, his fingers brushing against hers. She felt a tingle go up her arm, and she shivered. She realized what he was trying to do, and she couldn’t help but smile inwardly. She reached out, curling her fingers around his. If the Council could see me now…what would they think? Holding hands with a vampire.

***

“Willow, what’s wrong with you?” Xander asked, as Willow thumbed distractedly through a spell book.

“Huh?”

“You know something. It’s about Buffy’s date, isn’t it?”

“What? I don’t know anything?” It came out more as a question, and Xander cocked an eyebrow.

“Wil, for somebody who doesn’t know anything, you sure do look like you’re busting to talk about something.”

“I’m not!” she exclaimed. “I’m just...I’m tired. I’m gonna call it a night. Tara?” Tara looked up at her suspiciously. “I wanna go home. Let’s…let’s go.” Dawn eyed Willow. She knew something. Judging from the way Buffy dragged her into the back room, she knew something other people weren’t supposed to know yet. Dawn’s eyes widened, but the moment Xander looked her direction, she looked away, pretending to read a book.

“Wil, if you want to talk about it…”

“I don’t!” she squeaked. “I…Tara, let’s go home.” Willow stood quickly, and Tara followed after.

“Hey! Wait for me!” Dawn called, rushing out to follow them home. Xander blinked a few times, trying to discern what had just happened.

“What the Hell was that?”

“I think she’s avoiding you.” Anya said with a shrug, going back to her bridal magazine. Xander’s jaw hung open as he stared at his future wife, Ms. Obvious. He decided that whatever it was that Willow knew, he’d learn about it eventually. Nobody was that good at keeping secrets, right?

***

“You know, don’t you?!” Dawn squealed, as they made their way closer to home.

“Know what?” Tara wondered..

“You know?!” Willow asked. “About Buffy and…”

“Yes!” Dawn exclaimed.

“Whoa!” Tara exclaimed, her voice reaching a volume it rarely ever came close to. She took a deep breath. “What’s going on?” Dawn glanced wonderingly at Willow. While Willow looked more reserved, Dawn looked as if she was about to bust out into a happy dance.

“Buffy and Spike are dating,” Willow finally answered.

“What?” Tara asked slowly.

“Willow!” Dawn exclaimed.

“Buffy told me I could tell Tara, because she thought she already kind of knew.” Both turned to the other witch, who looked a little surprised, but not as surprised as most would be by the news.

“I…I knew they were closer than before. I knew something was going on, but I didn’t really think it was my business.”

“Ugh, are you kidding? This is huge!” Dawn exclaimed. “They’re dating! They’re…well…I don’t wanna think about…that.” She made a face.

“Dawnie,” Tara said quietly, “how long have you known?”

“Not long. I’m glad she told me first though, because a.) I already knew, and b.) I would have so not forgiven her if she hadn’t.”

“This is…wow, I mean, she dated Angel, but I never thought she’d date Spike. So when she told me, I guess…I don’t know. She says she knows what she’s doing,” Willow said with a shrug. Tara glanced at her girlfriend. “I wish she would’ve told me sooner.”

“Maybe she was worried about what you would say. People tend to want what they think is best for the people they love. Maybe Buffy is happy with Spike. That’s a possibility. I mean, I haven’t known him as long as you guys have, but he seems like he’s changed a lot since I met him.”

“He has. Spike’s great,” Dawn explained. “Sure, he might not have a soul, but he has a chip, and even if he didn’t have the chip, he’d still love her. I mean, a chip doesn’t do that. A chip just gives him a migraine when he hurts a human.”

“She has a point,” Willow muttered. “But it’s still dangerous. I mean, look what happened when she slept with Angel. He lost his soul, and people died.”

“Well, Spike’s been without a soul for over a century, and he can’t hurt anybody because of the chip,” Dawn insisted.

“She’s been through a lot, Willow,” Tara said quietly. “She seems so much happier now, and if that’s because of Spike, that can’t be a bad thing.”

“You’re right,” Willow whispered. “We should give her our support. “I think she’s gonna need it even more after Xander and Giles find out. She’s um…telling them tomorrow.”

“I don’t think it’d be safe to leave home tomorrow,” Dawn said with a smirk. “Unless we leave wearing armor and carrying shields. Xander’s head might actually explode. And Giles…he might break his glasses this time.”

They continued on toward home, and Willow became very silent.

“Willow?” Tara asked quietly. “What’s wrong?”

“Huh? Oh…nothing. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. It’s nothing,” Willow said with a shrug.

“Is it about Buffy?” Dawn wondered.

“Yeah. I can’t help but think…I mean, before she died, she wouldn’t have given Spike the time of day.”

“So?” Dawn asked. “People change.”

“But that fast? She comes back, and all of a sudden she’s ready to…it doesn’t feel right to me. Maybe…”

“Maybe what?” Dawn asked, a bit defensively.

“Maybe she really did come back wrong.”

“Willow,” Tara said with a shake of her head.

“No!” Dawn exclaimed. “She didn’t come back wrong. She’s…she’s Buffy! She’s fine.”

“Maybe,” Willow muttered, “but I don’t get it. She used to hate Spike. Dawn, before you were old enough to understand…Spike did some really bad things…”

“Yeah? So did Angel. I’m sure Riley wasn’t perfect either. You didn’t bat an eyelash when she started dating him, did you? You were even supportive with Angel…”

“That’s different.”

“How? Just because he had a soul? He had it because he was cursed. He…he didn’t want the soul.”

“Dawnie,” Tara said soothingly.

“No! She’s telling me my sister’s wrong. And she’s not! She’s Buffy. She’s fine! Just because she’s dating another vampire doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her.” Dawn stalked off ahead of the two.

“Dawn, wait!” Willow called. But, Dawn didn’t turn around. Shoulders slumping, Willow looked at Tara. “I’m just worried about her.”

“I know, sweetie,” Tara said cautiously, “but everything’s fine since Buffy came back.”

“I know, but I need to know that she’s really herself. I need to do a spell.”

“Willow! You talked to her, didn’t you? She’s the same person…”

“Yeah. In every way except that she’s with Spike!”

“Why can’t you let that go?” Tara wondered.

“I just want to know that she’s the same Buffy that threw herself off a tower to save her sister. If she is, then I won’t say anything else. But, if she’s not, and Spike’s taking advantage of that…she needs to know.” Tara sighed helplessly but nodded at her girlfriend. “She’s my friend, and I love her. I just want to make sure she’s really with him because she wants to be...not because some part of her changed against her will.” She didn’t say it aloud, but she thought to herself, I don’t want her to be with him because I messed up…because I changed her when I brought her back.

***

“Oh my God,” Buffy murmured, as they walked into Spike’s crypt. It was aglow with hundreds of candles. A spread of food lay on a table cloth draped over the crypt, and Buffy couldn’t help but place her hand over her heart. “How’d you do this?”

“I set it up…paid Clem to come light the candles. There’s a lot of ‘em. That’s why I had to distract you with the…uh…movie.”

“That we didn’t watch and left before it was over?”

“That’s the one,” he smiled. Buffy smiled back, and she made her way over to the set up, seeing some of her favorite foods there.

“Why this? You don’t have to eat.”

“I’ve got my own in the fridge, pet.”

“Oh,” she murmured with a knowing nod. “Right.”

“Promise that next time, we’ll go someplace that doesn’t involve shagging in public.”

“Well, that’s not exactly on the con side of my list.” She moved toward him. “But the sex part’ll still come in, right?” He pulled her to him, kissing her hotly. When he pulled back, her eyes glimmered seductively.

“Count on it, luv.”

***

“Still hungry?” he murmured, as he pushed her bare back against the cool wall of the crypt, feeling her legs tighten around his bare waist, as she ground herself against him, her black, lacy underwear acting as the only thing separating them.

“Mmm...” she moaned against his lips, before he broke away, kissing a trail down her neck and lower, taking a nipple between his lips. She threw her head back, her hands tightening on his shoulders.

“You’re sure?” he teased, his tongue circling her nipple, eliciting another needy moan from the back of her throat. One hand teased around the waistband of her underwear, before slipping inside, softly brushing against her wet folds. “I could always have Clem bring more…”

“Shut up and take me downstairs,” she growled. He chuckled, his tongue darting out to taste the flesh of her neck that just covered her heartbeat. It grew faster as he continued to tease her, and they stumbled down below his crypt, managing to stay tangled together, backing up toward the bed, nails scratching flesh, hands teasing. Her hand moved down, gripping him firmly in her hand, stroking him. He gasped against her mouth, letting her know she was playing with fire.

The look in her eyes told him she wanted to do a little extra something for him tonight, and the moment she let go of her grip on him, he sat her down on the bed. Her hand immediately reached for him again, stroking him until he was completely firm in her hand. Spike had to hold onto her shoulders to keep from falling over at the feel of her warm little hand on his cool, hard cock.

The moment her wet, warm lips pressed against the tip, he felt like he might lose control, but he held on for dear life, enjoying the sensation that washed over him, as she took him in, her tongue trailing along a prominent vein on the underside of his cock.

“Fuck…Buffy,” he murmured, when she moaned, the vibration tingling up his length, making him quickly begin to lose the battle.

Her head bobbed a little faster, taking in only a few inches of him, torturing him as he wanted desperately to feel her warmth completely envelop him.

“Buffy…gotta…gotta have you. Now.” Buffy understood, and she pulled back from him. He climbed over her in the bed, and she opened up for him, expecting something other than she received. Instead of slipping inside of her, he found his control again, and he began to kiss his way down her body, settling between her legs, his cool fingers prodding at her slick entrance. She gasped, as she felt his cold tongue circle her clit once before he resumed the work with his fingers, bringing her to a quick climax, lapping up the product of his trembling fingers.

“Spike,” she breathed, after the intense orgasm, her hands pulling at him, urging him to come up. He crawled up her body slowly, kissing the path back up to her lips. She could taste herself on him, and she found it wildly erotic.

Within moments, he entered her, pulling her legs around his waist, burying as much of himself as he could in her, until she let out a little cry, whimpering his name. He soothed her with soft kisses, as he began to make love to her. He was gentle. Slower than he’d ever been, but God did it feel good!

Sex between them was always amazing, and as many times as they’d attempted to take their time, they always ended up begging for more. Begging for the frenzy that always came to pass when they were together.

Just as he’d expected, she began to grind her hips to his rhythm.

“Please, Spike,” she breathed, her eyes closing tight, as his put a hand between t hem, his thumb rubbing against her swollen clit.

“Slow down, luv,” he breathed against her ear. “We have all night.” A smile pulled at her lips, and she nodded.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “I guess we do.” She pulled him back down against her, kissing him tenderly, and they made love, taking their time to explore one another, trying to memorize the little details about one another that they would hold onto for a long time to come.

Chapter 13: Interruptions

“No! I’m not helping you,” Tara hissed, as she and Willow went round and round in their bedroom. Luckily, Dawnie slept like a rock, and Buffy still hadn’t returned.

“It’s just a little spell, Tara. I just want to make sure…”

“What if you mess it up?”

“I won’t!”

“How do you know?” Tara asked. “What if something goes wrong…what if you hurt her?”

“The spell won’t even…she won’t even notice.”

“Wil, you know as well as I do that spells can be tricky, especially when you’re dealing with resurrection spells and…”

“Nothing’ll go wrong. The spell to bring her back didn’t…”

“Then why are you so worried now? If the spell to bring her back worked, why do you even want to try…”

“I just want to be sure.”

“So you’re not sure she’s fine.”

“Tara…”

“You can’t just mess with people’s lives like that. Yeah, you brought her back. We’re all happy. It’s great, Willow, it really is, but how long before one of us gets hurt because you’re trying to make sure you didn’t make any mistakes in the first place?” Tara rarely ever got angry enough to say something like this, but she was fed up with Willow’s use of her powers. She was a great witch, but she could just as easily do something terrible by accident with those powers she seemed to be trying to hone every day.

“Alright,” Willow said quietly. “I won’t do the spell if it’ll make you happy.”

“It would,” Tara said with a nod.

“I’m sorry. I hate fighting with you.”

“Me too.” Tara looked away. Willow reached out to hug her, and Tara softened, hugging back. They shared a soft kiss before Tara broke away.

“I’m gonna go get a shower. You’re going to bed?”

“Yeah. On my way now.” She sat down on the edge of the bed. Tara smiled, and Willow waved her out the door. As soon as she heard the shower turn on, she reached under the bed, pulling out a spell book. She took a deep breath. She didn’t want to lie to Tara, but she needed to make sure. As confident as she was, this was her friend’s life at stake, and if there was something wrong with her, Willow definitely wanted to find a way to fix it.

She quickly rushed around, finding her candles and other things for the incantation, and once she was all set up, she knew she only had a few minutes before Tara would be out of the shower. She had to work fast.

Glancing over the words, she prepared herself for what she was about to do. It wasn’t really a spell that should touch Buffy. It should just give her a feel of what the Slayer had become when she returned from the grave. Whatever had changed might be able to be fixed.

She closed her eyes, letting the words spill forth, foreign to many, but not to her. She knew what she was saying, and as soon as the words began to flow, a charge surged through her, and she could see exactly what she needed to. As painful as it was, she could see Buffy’s death, but more than that, she saw Buffy’s soul plucked out of the throng of souls waiting for their final destination.

She was in Heaven. Willow trembled, realizing that she truly had brought her friend out of a peaceful eternity. As much as Buffy seemed to be getting past it, she didn’t know how it was possible. She could feel what Buffy felt. She could feel everything. It was bound to change a person. And not in a bad way.

She continued to see. She saw the violence surrounding Buffy’s retrieval and her return back to Earth. Her throat closed, as she felt the same struggle Buffy felt in trying to break free from her coffin. She tumbled back on the bedroom floor, her hands clawing at air as Buffy’s had clawed at the lining of the casket.

And then she opened her eyes. She was lying on the floor, and the candles around her had blown out. Her heart raced. Her lungs burned. But now she knew. The spell had worked. It had worked better than any spell she’d ever done. Buffy was still Buffy…only a Buffy who had experienced things that none of the rest of them could say they had. It still didn’t explain Buffy’s feelings for Spike, but at least now she knew that that relationship wasn’t her doing.

The door to the bedroom opened, and Willow heard a little gasp. She sat up quickly to see Tara standing there, and for the first time in a long time, she couldn’t read the expression on her face.

“Tara…I…” Tara said nothing. Instead, she just turned around and walked out of the room. Willow got up to go after her, but on the landing, Tara turned back.

“Just don’t.”

“Tara…baby…I…”

“No,” Tara said, shaking her head. “Just…don’t.” She turned and took off down the stairs, grabbing her coat and leaving, not knowing where to go in the middle of the night. All she knew was that she wasn’t staying there.

***

She’d fallen asleep before he had, but when she woke, he was sleeping soundly beside her. He was so still that it would’ve been frightening had she not known that he was undead.

Rolling on her side to face him, she propped herself up on her arm, smiling as she traced her gaze along the features of his face. His cheekbones weren’t quite so prominent when he was asleep. She rarely ever saw him this relaxed, and she felt a soothing warmth flood through her at the thought that she could break him peace.

Her body ached, but in a good way. She’d never made love with him in such a way before. It was tender and passionate, but it was also intense and emotional. She’d never felt so many things during sex before, and while it was definitely of the good, she couldn’t help but feel a little freaked about the whole thing. She’d never wanted to cry during sex before. She’d never felt that connection with a partner. Not Angel, not Riley…And this connection was with somebody who didn’t have a soul.

She was starting to realize something though. Having a soul didn’t matter when you were a one-in-a-million vampire like Spike. He was nothing like Angel or any other vampire. He had his pros and his cons, but the pros seemed to overshadow the cons in a big way.

She shivered as the cool air surrounding her made her skin prickle. She lay naked next to him, and as soon as she reached out, her hand gently caressing his smooth, cold chest, she pulled a blanket around herself. Spike woke at the feeling of warmth against him, and he peered over to see her studying him.

“If you looked at research books as hard as you’re looking at me right now, you might not need those little Scoobies.”

“Oh…I woke you up?”

“Don’t mind, luv,” he chuckled, turning on his side, propping himself up to mirror her. “You’re cold.”

“I’m ok.”

“Probably shouldn’t sleep here. I’m used to the cold, but…”

“It’s quiet here,” she protested. “And you have blankets. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Even a vampire needs a blanket every now and then. People think that when you live in a crypt, they can barge in anytime they want, even if you happen to be naked at the time.” Buffy smiled.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she laughed. Spike smiled back at her, but that quickly faded. He reached out, caressing her honey-blonde locks.

“Why are you here, Buffy?” Buffy furrowed her brows.

“Because you brought me here?”

“No. I mean…still? Here with me.”

“You want me to leave?”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking,” Spike replied, his cold hand gently gliding over her shoulder, running under the sheet and over the curve of her hip. “We both know this probably never should have happened.”

“Probably not,” she agreed. “But I’m glad it did.”

“It’s like a dream. I think I might’ve had this very dream before. The things you do to me…it’s like you’re a different person.” She flinched.

“You can’t die, go to Heaven, be ripped out, and expect to be the same person you were before you sacrificed yourself to make sure thousands of hell dimensions didn’t spill out on this town.”

“I know, but it’s like when you came back, you saw me…more…I don’t know…you just…you saw me.” He cleared his throat. “You treat me like a man. Still…”

“Because you haven’t given me a reason not to.” She didn’t even bat an eyelash as she said it. “I don’t know why I feel this way, but it doesn’t feel wrong. I don’t feel like disaster’s waiting to happen around the next corner. That’s good, right?”

“Sure,” Spike replied, his fingers softly massaging her outer thigh. She looked over her, his body aching for her touch, wanting to touch her in return. But deep inside, he felt the pain of what was inevitable. Losing her. Whether it was death or anger that tore them apart, it would happen someday. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I’m not sure of anything,” she admitted. “But right now? No complaints.” She yawned, stretching and rolling onto her back, away from him. She sat up in the bed, the sheet falling off her, exposing her bare breasts, but she didn’t seem to care, because she felt Spike’s cool hand press against her back, rubbing slow, gentle circles.

“Oh God, that feels good,” she moaned, ducking her head down, stretching her neck.

“Lay on your stomach,” Spike commanded softly. She turned to look at him, and he nodded. “Go on. Trust me.” She sighed but didn’t object. She sprawled out on the bed, lying on her stomach, waiting for him to do whatever it was he was about to do. When she felt him crawl over her, a tingle ran up her spine. She closed her eyes, and when his cool hands began to run down the length of her back, his fingers working out the knots she had from training and patrolling, she melted under his touch.

“Oh my God,” she mumbled into the pillow. “I hope you know I’m not going to forget this apparently new talent you have. I get knots. A lot.”

“Don’t hear me complainin’, do you, luv?” Buffy remained silent, letting herself relax and completely fall into a semi-conscious state as he massaged her. He listened to the soft little mewls and moans that came out of her, as she rendered herself completely vulnerable beneath him. He leaned down, pressing his lips against the places his hands had just touched, as he worked his way down her body. She bit her lip, feeling a familiar pooling between her legs, and he could immediately smell her arousal. His tongue danced out, tracing sensual patters as he kissed her, lightly suckling her honey-gold skin.

“You better not be giving me hickeys,” she giggled, though she showed no signs of stopping him.

“How’s this feel?” he asked, his hands moving up to her shoulders.

“Fantastic,” she murmured. “No. Better than that. I’m not sure there’s a word for it, but oh, God, don’t stop.” His eyes darkened, his desire for her growing each time a little whimper of delight sounded from her lips. She felt him hardening against her backside, and she smiled a little.

He felt her starting to shift, so he shifted his weight so she could roll over beneath him. He caught the familiar gleam in her eyes, and she blushed.

“You know, the front side could always use a little massaging too.” Spike let out a little growl, and she laughed, pulling him down to kiss her, as his hands explored her, massing her hips, her breasts, and the sensitive spots that he’d discovered she had in their time together.

He pulled her legs apart, quickly joining with her, holding onto her and kissing the valley between her breasts as she arched her back against the mattress.

“Oh God,” she breathed, her fingers raking at his back. “Mmm…I’ve never liked getting massaged so much in my life.”

“Gotta spice it up a little. That’s all it takes.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to pay you for it.”

“Oh, there are plenty of ways to reciprocate, pet,” he whispered against her lips, moaning when her tongue darted out to taste his cool kiss.

His thrusts became more deliberate, and soon, she was partly dangling over the foot of the bed, her hands gripping the sheet. She looked up, only to see the underground of Spike’s crypt upside down. She closed her eyes, feeling him moving inside of her. She found it hard to breathe, but when his hands moved over her breasts, his fingers flicking over her nipples, she almost forgot to breathe anyway.

He pulled at her legs, bringing her back up so she was lying completely on the bed, and he watched the redness slowly drain from her face. Her hands were on his hips now, pulling him closer, deeper.

“Oh God! Yes!” she cried out. “Please…oh God! Spike…unh!” Her words and her cries drove him on, and he was completely oblivious to the slamming of the crypt door upstairs.

“Spike?!” Came Xander Harris’ frantic call. “ Have you seen Buffy?” Buffy and Spike stopped mid-fuck, and with wide eyes, Buffy scrambled to get out from under him as soon as he’d pulled out. She made an attempt to cover them both with a sheet, figuring it’d be easier if he didn’t see them still in the act of what he’d walked in on them doing.

His legs were already in sight, and in a minute, he was standing at the top of the few steps that were left, peering into the dimly lit basement.

“Spike?” Buffy and Spike exchanged glances. His eyes questioned her, and she shrugged, her own eyes full of horror. “I need to find Buffy. It’s Willow…she called, and I thought I’d find Buffy, because she might be able to...” His eyes focused on a flash of gold from across the room, and he realized that gold wasn’t gold at all. Instead, it was the very blonde hair of his very naked, very embarrassed friend, sitting in bed next to a very naked vampire. “Buffy!”

“Xander…”

“What the hell is…” Buffy quickly pulled the sheet tighter, and she shivered.

“What about Willow?”

“What the hell is this, Buffy?” Xander asked, ignoring her question.

“I…I was gonna tell you. Tomorrow, actually. But that’s not important right now. Xander, what’s wrong with Willow?”

Xander finally turned his back and moved out of sight. Buffy scrambled to pull her underwear on under the covers. Spike quickly helped her get her bra on, and he fastened it behind her. That was about all they could do under the covers. The rest would have to wait until they had more privacy.

“While you were down here fucking the undead, she was getting her heart broken. I’ll be upstairs.” Xander disappeared up the steps, and Buffy looked at Spike, and he wasn’t able to read her expression.

“You alright, pet?”

“That stung a little less than I thought,” she admitted. “I should go…”

“Go on. Willow needs you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? We still have to tell Giles.”

“You really want me there?”

“I think if he sees us together…it might make it better.”

“Or worse,” Spike added. Buffy knew he had a point, but she leaned in to kiss him. With that, she leapt out of bed, scrambled to put her clothes on, and hurried up to find out exactly what had happened to Willow.

Chapter 14: No More Secrets

Once Buffy climbed up the ladder, she saw no sign of Xander. She quickly adjusted herself to make sure all of her clothes were on decently, and she pulled her coat on. Outside the door, Xander was pacing angrily. He looked like a father trying to come up with some kind of lecture for his teenage daughter after catching her with her boyfriend.

He turned when he heard her clear her throat, and he came at her.

“What the hell was that, Buffy?”

“Xander, it’s not really…”

“Not really my business?”

“Well…no. It’s not your business.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“I don’t think that matters, Xander,” Buffy said, furrowing her brows. “What I do with Spike is my business, just like what you do with Anya is yours.”

“You aren’t comparing your relationship to that thing with my relationship to Anya, are you?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. Buffy sighed heavily, crossing her arms to cease her desire to punch him in the face.

“What’s wrong with Willow? Where is she?” Xander was silent for a minute, but when Buffy’s eyes widened, he gave in.

“Tara walked out on her.”

“What? Why?”

“She didn’t say on the phone. When she hung up, I was heading over there, but I figured she could use you too. She didn’t try to call you?” Buffy considered explaining that the underground of Spike’s crypt didn’t exactly get the best signal, but she figured that’d only make it worse. She just shook her head.

“So you’re lying to all of them?”

“Xander…let’s just…” She started off, throwing her hands in the air, stalking off toward home. Xander jogged to catch up.

“No. No, I’m curious. So when did it start? Before you died? After you came back? All this time?”

“Xander!” Buffy exclaimed. “It’s none of your business! I don’t have to tell you everything that goes on in my life. It’s not like you ever really approved of any of the guys I’ve dated, so…”

“Dated? You’re…you’re dating him? Buffy, that’s worse!”

“What?”

“If you were just…just using him for sex, that’d be one thing, but you’re dating him? You have feelings for him?” Buffy could have said anything, but he was being childish, so she decided to go that route. She folded her arms again as she walked.

“So?”

“So?! He doesn’t have a soul, Buffy!”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t lay awake some nights wondering how he can be who he is and not have a soul? You don’t know anything about Spike…”

“I know he’s a vampire. He’s a killer. What else do I need to know?”

“If you took the time to stop being such a jerk, you’d see that he’s not like other vampires.”

“Oh yeah. The ‘he’s not like other guys’ speech,” Xander said with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, he’s not,” Buffy said with a shrug.

“This is wrong, Buffy. You’re a Slayer!”

They turned onto Revello Drive, and Xander continued talking.

“I’m guessing it started after you came back. You were different toward him.”

“And why shouldn’t I have been?” she asked, not even attempting to deny it. “I wasn’t here, but everyone talked about how he stuck around and helped.”

“Yeah…”

“Would someone as evil as you claim Spike is have stuck around to take care of my little sister when I was dead? Don’t even attempt to say it was to get into my pants, because, hello, I didn’t have any pants to get into! I was dead and buried…in one of the ugliest dresses I’ve ever seen, by the way.” Xander was caught off guard. “Spike stuck around, because I asked him to protect Dawnie, and he did that. He protected her through Glory and through my being dead and everything. And when I came back, I felt like I could talk to him, because I was afraid…”

“Afraid of what?” Xander asked. Buffy sighed, shaking her head. “Buff?”

“I was afraid…I was afraid of letting you know that I was happy where I was. I was finished. And then you brought me back and…and now…”

“Now you wish we hadn’t?”

“Not now,” she admitted. “But at first…yeah. In some ways.” His features softened for a minute. “And I could talk to Spike about it.” His features hardened once again.

“So you decided having sex with Spike would be easier than telling your friends how you really felt?”

“I didn’t want to hurt anybody!” she yelled. “Xander, you didn’t go through what I did.”

“The hell I didn’t!” he yelled back. “You jumped off that tower and left us all to pick up the mess! Do you know how hard it is to try to explain exactly how you died after you fall off of a tower at that height and have no broken bones? Or…or how you try to plan a funeral and keep the obituary out of the paper, because you don’t know how to tell anybody else that your best friend died, because you’re not sure if it really happened or if it was another one of those Slayer things, where there’s always an answer for bringing you back? Well, this time, there was! I’m not sorry we brought you back, but if you’re spending your time with Spike…how is that any better from being dead?” Buffy couldn’t control herself, and she actually surprised herself when her hand came in contact with his cheek.

“You don’t know anything about me and Spike,” she spat. “So just shut up about it.” Tears were stinging her eyes, and when she turned around to avoid the hurt expression of Xander’s face, she saw that they were standing in front of her house. Without a look back at him, she stalked up the steps and into the house, slamming the door behind her.

***

Spike leaned against the wall of the Summers’ house and took a long drag on his cigarette. He’d heard the whole of Buffy’s conversation with Xander. He’d followed them, staying in earshot until he’d heard the slamming of the door, while Xander looked on in shock as his friend walked away from him. When Xander had disappeared inside to beat Buffy to Willow’s door, Spike had headed off around the house to keep listen, just in case things were to get out of hand. He wasn’t ready to go back to the crypt yet, and he was sure Buffy wasn’t going to go back to him tonight, but he wanted to be there just in case she needed him.

He could hear the witch crying in her room, and he could hear the attempts of Dawn and Xander knocking at her door. But, when he heard a familiar voice, he perked up.

“Wil? Open up, it’s me,” Buffy said softly as she tapped on her friend’s bedroom door. A sleepy Dawn had woken up when she’d heard Willow sobbing to Xander on the phone. Now, she was downstairs with Xander, who hadn’t even been able to get Willow out of her room. He felt a little hurt by that, considering he and Willow had been best friends since Kindergarten, and she’d called him. But, now, she wouldn’t come out for anyone.

To Buffy’s surprise, the lock turned, and she heard footsteps retreating across the room. She turned the knob slowly and entered the room. Willow was sitting on the bed again, and she had a suitcase packed beside her.

“Wil? What’s going on?”

“I…she left me, Buffy,” Willow cried. “I…I can’t believe she left.”

“What happened?” Buffy asked softly, crossing the room to sit next to her friend. Willow shook her head.

“It was awful, Buffy. It was…it was my fault.” Buffy furrowed her brows and placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I…I called Giles. He’s coming to get me.”

“What are you talking about, Wil?” Willow sniffled, taking a few shaky breaths.

“He’s taking me to England. He…he wanted to take me right after he came back…when he found out how I brought you back. I didn’t think I needed it, but he’s taking me. It’s…it’s kind of a rehab for witches.”

“You’re going to stop being a witch?”

“Not exactly,” Willow explained. “It’s…well, kind of like Hogwarts in Harry Potter.”

“Seriously?” Willow shrugged.

“If you study and do things right, you become a more powerful witch,” she explained. “But they teach you how to control yourself…how to...use the magicks only when you need to.” Buffy still looked confused. “Tara says I use spells too much, and I know she’s right. It’s just…at first it was easier, but now…”

“What happened tonight, Wil?” She could see the hesitation in her friend’s eyes. “Willow? Talk to me.”

“We were talking about you and…and Spike,” she explained. Outside, Spike’s cigarette dropped from between his lips, but he didn’t make a move to pick it back up.




“Me and Spike? You told Tara?”

“You said that I could…I just…”

“No, no. It’s ok. I don’t mind,” Buffy assured her. “Why though…”

“I told her I was worried about you.”

“What? Wil, I said I could take care of myself. I meant it.”

“I…I know. I just…I thought that maybe the spell…when I brought you back…” She looked away. “I thought maybe something went wrong. I thought I changed you somehow…because I didn’t know how you could go from…from how you used to feel about Spike to actually…well, sleeping with him.” Outside, Spike felt a little sting in his undead heart.

“Wil,” Buffy said, a little unnerved, “I told you I’m fine.”

“I…I know,” Willow stammered. “I just wanted to make sure. I wanted to know that I didn’t do anything wrong. Tara didn’t want me to do a spell, but…but I did anyway, and she found out.”

“What kind of spell?” Buffy asked quietly, trying to control her own worries now..

“It wasn’t anything that could hurt you. I just wanted to see what you saw…so I could know if you were the same...if I’d done something wrong.”

“And?”

“And…you’re the same Buffy. There’s…there’s nothing wrong with you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. If I knew it could hurt you or change things, I never would have done it,” Willow explained quickly. “I just wanted to make sure I did things right. And I did! But she left me, and I couldn’t explain. But she’s been warning me for weeks. I guess I just…I thought I could do anything, because I had the power to.”

“Wil,” Buffy said quietly, “you know I love you. You know I’m your friend, but you…you thought something was wrong with me. I told you I was fine.”

“I know, Buffy! But…it’s…well, it’s Spike.”

“That doesn’t matter, Wil. Being with Spike is my decision.” Spike strained to hear more outside the window. “Just because I choose to be with him doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me. Sure, he doesn’t have a soul. Sure…it bothers me sometimes. But, I don’t think about it when I’m with him. He’s not…it’s not like you think. He’s not…he’s not evil, Wil. I don’t know how things would be if he didn’t have his chip, but I like to think it wouldn’t be any different.” She swallowed hard. “I don’t know…maybe it would be different, but it’s not like that now, so I don’t care. Wil, you can’t do spells on people just to make yourself feel better.”

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” Willow cried. “I didn’t think…I didn’t think it’d hurt anything. It didn’t.”

“Not this time. But, Wil, your spells haven’t always gone to plan. Things could have turned out…”

“That’s why I needed to know. You came back, and that was good, and you were getting better. But then…Spike…I just…I had to know.” Buffy sighed heavily.

“I’m fine.”

“I know that. Now…”

“And I want you to be fine too.”

“That’s why I’m going. I…I didn’t think I was hurting anyone until she walked out, Buffy. I don’t wanna lose her.” She was sobbing again, and Buffy gently rubbed her shoulder. “You don’t have to stay. You must be…”

“Pissed? I am. A little. But you’ve been here for me when I needed you. Yeah, you did a spell, yeah, you thought something was wrong with me, but you were worried about me, and I can’t be mad about that.” She hugged her friend. “But I don’t want you to stay.” Willow looked up at Buffy when they parted.

“You…you don’t?”

“I want you to leave with Giles…and I want you to become the best witch you can be…and learn how to control yourself. Then I want you to come back, and I’ll help you…”

“You don’t have to…”

“Wil…we’re friends. That’s not gonna change…unless you turn me into a toad or something.” Willow couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone…”

“That’s ok. You still have a place to stay when you come back. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m…I’m really sorry, Buffy. I did what I thought was…”

“I know.” A car pulled up outside, and Buffy looked toward the window. “I think Giles is here. He’s…well, he’s gonna want to know what happened, and I guess the bright side is, he won’t be too mad at you when he learns I’m sleeping with Spike.” Willow cringed.

“Yeah…I guess,” she breathed. “Alright…I’m ready. I…I just wish Tara…”

“I’ll talk to her,” Buffy promised. “I’ll tell her where you’re going. That’s a step forward, right? She can’t be too mad about that.” Willow felt the tears receding, and she nodded. She knew she didn’t deserve a friend as good as Buffy, but she thanked her lucky stars that she was fortunate enough to have her. “Come on. Let’s go. I was hoping to have Spike here for this, but it might be better this way.” She pulled her arm around Willow, and the two headed downstairs to face Rupert Giles.

***

“Willow, go wait in the car. I’ll be out in a moment,” Giles said slowly, never taking his eyes off of Buffy.

“But…”

“Go!” he snapped, his patience short with her, but not as short as it was with Buffy right now. Willow quickly picked up her bag and left to head outside. Xander and Dawn were right behind her. Giles was too angry to even take off his glasses.

“How long has this been going on?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Buffy replied shortly.

“Bollocks!” he spat. Giles rarely used that kind of slang, but when he did, it meant he was pretty pissed off. “What were you thinking? I mean…were you even thinking? It’s Spike for God’s sakes! He’s a demon! An evil one at that!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Giles. You don’t know Spike…”

“You sound like a child!” he growled. “After everything Angelus did? After Jenny…? You still think spending your time with a vampire is a good idea? Or have you conveniently forgotten the past?”

“I haven’t forgotten anything!” she yelled back. “But Spike isn’t Angelus!”

“There is no difference except for a piece of government plastic! That’s the only thing keeping him from being the same…the same…animal!”

“That’s not true! He’s never been…”

“You’re blind,” Giles said with a delirious chuckle. “You have no idea the way the world works. What was I thinking ever believing you could handle things on your own? You have a lot to learn.”

“I know enough,” Buffy seethed. “And you should know enough to know that when I’m pissed off, I’m stronger than ever, so maybe it would be a good idea if you left. We’ll talk about it when you get back from England.” Giles and Buffy were at a standstill, and the threat hung thick in the air.

“We do have a lot to discuss, and mark my word, Buffy,” he warned, “I’m not blind to the demon he is. If he so much as crosses a line while I’m gone, I’ll put a stake through his heart the moment I return.” With that, he stormed out the door, leaving Buffy shivering and alone inside. But, she felt an odd comfort wash over her when she felt those cool hands on her shoulders.

She spun around and did exactly what he didn’t expect her to do. She hugged him. No. She clung to him. His arms were strong around her, and his chin rested atop her head. She was crying now, and he didn’t know what to say or do, because what he was about to do was going to hurt her. Or maybe it wouldn’t. He could never be sure.

He held her, though, for as long as she needed until she began to pull back.

“Buffy,” he said quietly, gently squeezing her shoulders. She wiped her eyes and looked up at him.

“Sorry. I’m just…they don’t understand.” She stepped back a little, not able to read the expression on his face. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Buffy…I…I don’t know what to say.”

“What do you mean? Say what?”

“Probably the worst timing anyone’s ever had,” he breathed, his hands still fixed on her shoulders, as if he wanted to keep her from running after he said what he had to say.

“Just say it,” she said, her body stiffening under his touch. “What?”

“I have to go,” he whispered. She flinched.

“Go? Go where?”

“I…I just have something I have to do, and I have to leave for a while.”

“I don’t understand.” She shook her head, trying to speed up her thoughts, which seemed to have slowed tremendously. “You’re leaving Sunnydale?”

“I have to, pet,” he whispered. “There’s something…”

“You’re leaving? I…I can come with you,” she said quickly. She had to get away anyway. Get away from Xander and from the emptiness that the house was going to have now that neither Willow and Tara would be there. “Where are we going?”

“I…I have to do this alone, pet.” The look of hurt in her eyes had his head screaming at him to take it back and to forget he’d even said it. But he couldn’t.

“Oh,” she whispered, wrenching out of his grasp. “You’re…are you…breaking up with me?”

“No! God, no, pet,” he urged, stepping toward her again.

“Then what…”

“I have something I have to do. I just…I have to do it alone.”

“You’re scaring me,” she remarked, shivering as his hands found hers. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because…I…” He shook his head. “I love you, Buffy. I’m not leaving you. I just have to…leave for a little while.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re…you’re coming back?”

“I’ll always come back, pet,” he promised.

“I can go with you,” she pointed out.

“No you can’t, luv. Your little sis needs you right now, and the hell mouth isn’t going to defeat its own demons.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“You heard what he said better than I did. You saw the look in his eyes. You know he means it.”

“Who?”

“Giles.”

“What’d he…”

“He’s right. I’m no better than…than Angel after he lost his soul again,” he muttered. “All that’s keeping me like this is…is this bloody chip.”

“That’s not true,” Buffy said a bit angrily. “You know that. You’re not a textbook case. Remember?”

“I remember, luv,” he whispered, caressing her cheek. “But I’m not…”

“Not what?”

I’m not the kind of man you deserve, he thought. He bit his tongue. “I’m not…I can’t explain. I have to do this.”

“Do what?!” she asked, getting annoyed now, still worried, because she’d never seen him like this.

“Trust me,” he pleaded, kissing her forehead and then her lips. “Trust me.”

“I…I don’t know what to say, Spike. You’re just…you’re leaving and…”

“And I’m coming back. You’ll see…you’ll understand when I come back. I have to do this.”

“What do you have to do for yourself that’s so important you’re leaving in the middle of the night?”

“It’s not for me, pet. Not completely. It’s for both of us. It’ll make it right.” He kissed her once again, holding her tight against him, feeling her shaking with fear and confused anger at the same time. “I’ll be back, pet. I wouldn’t dream of never seeing you again.” He kissed her one last time and then he was gone, leaving her with only the memory of a cool touch against her warm lips. She ran to the window, hearing a motorcycle rev up somewhere down the block. The roar of the engine dissipated as he grew further away, and then there was silence.

She sat down slowly on the couch, the big, empty house closing in around her. She could hear Dawn and Xander talking out on the porch. She could still smell the scent of Spike’s leather coat, his cigarettes, his cologne. She could still hear the echoes of Willow’s cries upstairs and Giles’ angry yelling. Only, everything was different now. Willow and Giles were gone. Spike was gone. She was left with her little sister and a friend that might not be a friend anymore. What the hell had just happened?

***

“She broke through two sets of restraints in the last two days. She’s getting stronger,” a young nurse said, as she looked up at the older gentleman standing next to her. “She’s sedated now, but as you already know, she’s stronger than most patients, even under heavy sedation. If I may suggest so, Dr. Monroe, I think she needs to be moved to a more secure…”

“This is a maximum security prison, Nurse Wheeler,” Dr. Monroe snapped. “There’s nothing else to do for her but continue to sedate her and hope that…”

“Hope that what, Sir? That she doesn’t find a way to break down the steel door? Forgive me, doctor, but I think she might be strong enough to do just that.” The nurse walked off, and the doctor stepped closer to the small window in the door to look at their prisoner. She was strapped down to her bed. Both wrists and both ankles were strapped tightly to the mattress, while three thick belts held down her chest, her stomach and her hips. He watched as even in her sedated state, she struggled mercilessly against her restraints.

“Excuse me, Dr. Monroe,” came a voice from nearby. The doctor turned to see a man about his same age walking toward him wearing a tan coat and carrying a briefcase. Three men in business suits stood behind him.

“Mr. Travers,” the doctor said with a respectful nod. “I was just keeping an eye on the patient…”

“How are her vitals?”

“The same. But she’s growing stronger each day.” Quentin nodded.

“The Council has a more suitable facility for her transfer. We’ve come to collect her.”

“You don’t understand, Mr. Travers. She killed three guards last month when they tried to take her down for tests. Unless you have a better sedative…” One of the men behind him took out a syringe and a clear bottle. Dr. Monroe cleared his throat and stepped aside. “She’s all yours, Mr. Travers.” Quentin stepped up to the door and peered in at the young woman.

“We’re taking you home, Dana.”

Chapter 15: Slip of the Truth

“Hello?” Her voice sounded like she’d gargled with glass shards.

“Buffy?”

“Spike?!” she asked, sitting straight up in bed. “Where the Hell are you?”

“I was calling to check on you. It was awful timing…”

“That’s the understatement of the year,” she fumed. “What the hell was that? You just left, Spike. You didn’t say where you were going…you didn’t…”

“Buffy, luv, I’m sorry,” he breathed. “It’s just…hearing you talking to Willow and to the old man…I just…I had to do this.”

“Do what?”

“I…I can’t tell you.”

“Then why the Hell are you calling me, Spike?” Not only did he hear the anger in her voice, but he heard worry too. He felt a lump in his throat at the thought of it. “Where are you?”

“I’ll be home soon, pet. I promise.”

“How soon? And how do you know you’re gonna be welcome when you come back?” She was testing the waters. He knew it.

“Do you want me to come back?” Buffy sighed.

“I should really hate you right now,” she muttered. “You ran off just as soon as my best friend was off to the airport. I think that earns you the ‘most moronic boyfriend move ever’ award.”

“I’ll make it up to you, pet. I just…I had to go just then. I’d have brought you with me, but it’s something I have to go through alone, and I know you won’t understand until I get back. If you’ll listen.”

“It’d better be a good explanation. And I mean really good. Don’t expect me to forgive you just like that. You’re going to have a lot of making up to do.” She could hear him smile on the other line.

“I’ll do my best, pet,” he promised. “Just try not to have any dreams about staking me while I’m gone.”

“You’d better have a really good reason for leaving when you did. Because Xander’s going to be here soon, and I’m sure he’s gonna have nothing but bad things to say about you, and how am I supposed to defend you when I’m this pissed off?” Spike paused on the other line, and Buffy closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead.

“Just remember,” he began, “that I’m doing this so I can be better for you.”

“What does that even mean?” Buffy asked.

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

“Look, Spike, I don’t care, ok? I like you just the way you are. You can’t…”

“Trust me, pet.”

“No. I don’t.”

“Sure you do.”

“Ugh. It’d be easier to hate you,” she muttered. He chuckled on the other line. “Oh no. You don’t get to laugh about this. I’m still mad.”

“I know, luv. I’m sorry. I have to go now.”

“When will you be home?”

“I’m not sure,” he explained. “It depends...”

“Fine. I’ll be here. Hating you.”

“You wish.”

“Ugh.”

“I love you,” he whispered. She shivered.

“I…” She stopped herself. “Bye, Spike.” She hung up the phone and flung it across the room. Dawn came rushing into the room, still in her pajamas. Buffy looked at the clock. 7:15.

“Are you ok?” Dawn asked with wide eyes.

“Fine. That was Spike.”

“Is he ok?”

“He’s fine,” Buffy remarked through gritted teeth.

“And…how about you?” Dawn smiled nervously.

“Gee, I don’t know, Dawn. One of my best friends is running off to England for witch school, my other one is disgusted with me, the man who’s been a father to me for the past six years looks like he’d rather kill me than let me date Spike, and my boyfriend has run off to parts unknown to do something that’s apparently going to make things better for us, but he doesn’t have the decency to tell me what that is!” She took a few deep breaths.

“I can, um, stay home from school today if you want.”

“You’re not using me as an excuse to skip school,” Buffy muttered, climbing out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“It’s ok. I already ate.”

“What’d you eat?” She watched her sister squirm. “Dawn?”

“Ok, ok. A brownie and a slice of cold pizza.”

“Yum,” Buffy said quietly, her stomach rumbling. “Eat something green and leafy at lunch. Oh yeah. And drink milk.” Dawn made a face, but she didn’t protest. “Go get ready for school. I’m not going to break.”

“Yeah, but every girl I know that gets dumped by her boyfriend…”

“I did not get dumped,” Buffy scoffed. “He even made sure to tell me that’s not what was happening. Stupid vampire and his stupid secrets.” She kicked the wall.

“Um, Buffy? Probably shouldn’t make any new holes in the wall. I mean, we’ve only got so much money.” Buffy made a face in return, and she stormed down the stairs to find something to eat for breakfast.

She grabbed an apple off of the counter and headed out onto the back porch. Sitting down, she peered out into the yard. She realized she hadn’t had much outside time during the day lately. Usually, if Spike was over, she was keeping him otherwise entertained. Still, it didn’t bother her much that she didn’t get much alone time anymore. She liked spending time with him. Of course, that was until he had to mess it all up by going off by himself.

She tried hard to be angry enough with him that she could be fine without him there, but it didn’t work. It would’ve been better if he had gone off without any explanation and hadn’t called. Then she could be really pissed. But, he said he had a good reason, and he even apologized for the awful timing.

She took a bite of apple, but found she had no appetite. She tossed it aside and stretched out her muscles. With a sigh, she realized that she should probably go by the Magic Box and train today, even though that meant she was probably going to have to see Xander, since Anya would be there and everything.

Screw it, she thought. She decided to stay home and work out in the basement. There was a punching bag there at least, though the most action the basement had seen in the past month was only that of the sexy kind.

With a frustrated sigh, she headed down to the basement to work out some of her frustrations, hoping to avoid the rest of her friends today…for the sake of anyone in a ten mile radius. She was just angry enough to do something she might regret later.

***

After bribing a truck driver, Spike had secured himself a spot in the back of a semi that would drive until nightfall, when he’d be dropped off at the nearest airport. He couldn’t think about what he was about to do. He had never considered what he was about to do. It was just something he’d realized that he had to do. Yeah, she liked him the way he was. Yeah, things were great. But what happened if the chip stopped working? What if it was true about the chip? Maybe it really was the only thing keeping him the way he was now. As much as he didn’t want to believe that, he knew that there was a possibility that it might happen someday, and if that did happen, what if he hurt her? What if he hurt Dawn? He couldn’t take that chance. They were all he had now. His family.

“You took care of my sister for months. An evil vampire wouldn’t do that. You don’t even have a soul, and you stepped up. It wasn’t to win points with me, because I was dead. So what was it? It wasn’t the chip. The chip wouldn’t have stopped you from running off and leaving everybody else to pick up the pieces.”

The words echoed in his head. She truly did believe that. Still, the only way he could be sure that they actually had a shot at making this work was if he made damned sure that all of his bases were covered. It meant more for him to know that she could look into his eyes and feel things for him and not regret it rather than be confused about how she could care for somebody without a soul.

His head hurt as he thought about why he was cursed with this bloody disposition. How had he fallen in love with her in the first place? It had been a gradual process, yes, but the simple fact that he could feel love and know it was love with astounding for a vampire. How could anything soulless love anything at all? He’d been told for so many years that he was evil. Disgusting. Nothing but a demon walking around inside a corpse. And he’d started to believe it. That was, until she’d made him feel like a man for the first time in over a century.

“Sure, you might not have a soul, but you helped a bunch of humans…and an ex-demon. You babysat my little sister just so she wouldn’t feel alone. You’re here right now. You dressed my wounds. What the hell are you? Why are you doing this?”

“You know why. I love you.”

“And if you didn’t? Would you still act like this?”

He closed his eyes, trying to focus on something other than those unpleasant thoughts. The truth was that he didn’t know, but he really didn’t want to risk hurting her to find out. Still, he knew he’d hurt her by leaving, and he was going to have a lot of making up to do when he returned, but when he returned, he was going to have a part of himself that had been missing since the moment he was sired. He was going to be better for her. Buffy would no longer have to think about his actions or his words, because she would know they came from the heart.

Just a few more days, and he would have something he’d never realized he wanted so much until now. He was going to have his soul, and he was going to return to the woman he loved. He was going to make this work. He had to.

***

“How’s she doing?” Quentin Travers asked as he stepped into sight of the large, six-inch-thick glass window that gave a full view into Dana’s room. She was strapped down onto her bed, though she continued to test her strength against the restraints.

“She’s growing stronger, Sir.”

“Perhaps it’s time we considered a therapist…”

“She’s barely lucid, Sir. She’s strong, but she’s not going to talk to anyone. She’s beyond Help. The most merciful thing to do would be to…to kill her and let someone else be called.”

“You may be right, but our duty is to protect our Slayers, not murder them.”

“Sir, she’s a lost cause. She was locked up for murder.”

“Let’s give her three more days with the experimental medications. If our calculations are correct, and if these treatments work, we may be able to talk with her.”

“If you ask me, Sir, there’s no helping her.” Quentin found himself alone now, staring in at Dana. He knew the doctor was right, but there was a reason this girl had been called. They had to give her a chance. If it didn’t work, what was one more Slayer behind bars? At least there was still one active Slayer in the world.

***

Buffy was just coming up to grab a quick snack when a knock came to the front door. Frowning, she prepared herself for a tongue lashing from Xander. Though, when she looked at the clock, she realized he wouldn’t be off of work for another few hours.

To her surprise, Tara stood on the other side of the door.

“Tara?”

“Hey,” Tara said awkwardly.

“You didn’t have to knock. You still live here, you know.” Buffy moved out of the way to let her best friend’s girlfriend…or maybe now, ex-girlfriend, come in. Tara walked in nervously and shut the door.

“I just came to get a few things. Is Willow…”

“Not even in the country.”

“What?” Tara’s jaw dropped a little.

“She had Giles whisk her away to England. Some school for witches…I don’t know. It was a little Harry Potter-ish.” Despite the words she spoke, her tone was quite sad.

“She went willingly?”

“I guess…when you left…she called him. She wanted to go.” Tara winced a little. “Tara, you can stay, you know. The house is kinda quiet. I don’t think we’ll be seeing Xander around for a while. He freaked when he found out about Spike. Of course, he found out by finding us in bed together, but still. Dawn would love it if you’d stay too.”

“I don’t know, Buffy. I mean…it would be…”

“At least until Willow comes back?” Buffy asked. “Tara, what Willow did…I forgave her, but I want her to get help. And just so we’re clear, I’m not mad at you for what you did. True, she’s my best friend, but I understand why you left. It was for her own good.”

“I’m not so sure anymore,” Tara admitted.

“Well, you have plenty of time to figure it out. Please stay,” Buffy urged. “I could use somebody else here that’s in my corner with the Spike situation…” She paused. “You are in my corner, right? I guess I shouldn’t…” Tara held up a hand.

“I’m not here to pass judgment,” she replied quietly. “I think that it’s good Spike has something to focus on. Someone, I mean. You’re good for him. And…he’s good for you too.”

“Yeah?”

“Not saying you need a vampire in your life or anything, but you smile more when he’s around. I think that’s good.” Buffy smiled a little.

“Yeah. Well, he’s not exactly around right now.”

“What? Where is he?”

“He ran off to do something secret. He wouldn’t tell me what. He just said it was going to be better.” Buffy shrugged. “So it’s just me and Dawnie. We could use the company.”

“If you’re sure. I do have another place…”

“Is it filled with the ingredients to make yummy S’mores?”

“Well…no.”

“See! You should stay. S’mores make everything better.” Tara couldn’t help but smile.

“Thanks, Buffy. I guess…yeah, I guess I’ll stay for now.”

***

Dawn had gotten home an hour ago, and she was up in her room studying for a big English test. She had the good portion of The Great Gatsby to read, and she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of spending the rest of her day doing some for school. But, she had to keep her grades up, because if she even looked as if she was struggling with school, social services would come sniffing around.

Tara was fixing dinner, much to Buffy’s delight. Since there was nothing that needed cleaned, fixed, or slayed, Buffy was sitting on the couch watching TV. She shifted her position on the couch, only to feel something between the couch cushions. She fished it out and was surprised to find Spike’s lighter. She sighed, clutching it in her hand. Tears stung her eyes, threatening to fall. She missed him. Buffy the Vampire Slayer missed a vampire. A lot.

She placed the lighter securely in her pocket, and she stood up, knowing that if she sat there and thought about it too long she’d get upset. So, not wanting that, she grabbed her coat.

“I’m going for a quick patrol! Be back in a half hour!” But just as she was about to go out the door, someone knocked on the other side of it. Furrowing her brows, she opened it up to come face to face with Xander. She cringed inwardly. “Hi.”

“Hey.” His voice was low. She knew he was still mad. Still, he was her friend. As much as she didn’t want to see him right now, she couldn’t turn him away. “Come in if you want.” She walked away from the door, leaving him to make the choice. When she heard his shoes on the hardwood floor and the door shut behind him, she prepared herself for more venom.

The room was filled with silence for a few minutes. Buffy awkwardly sat on the edge of the couch, waiting for Xander to speak. He paced nervously in front of her, until she had to look away.

“I came with all these things to say to you, but now I don’t know what to say, Buff,” Xander said quietly.

“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly. “I guess there isn’t much to say. I know how you feel about Spike.”

“It’s not just Spike. It’s you and Spike. I don’t get it, Buffy.”

“I don’t expect you too. You’ve always hated Spike.”

“And so have you. Until recently anyway. What’s up with that?” Xander sat down across from Buffy, and she flinched, remembering Spike doing the same to her after she’d come back from the grave. “It’s not a spell, so what is it?”

“It’s…it’s me,” she confessed. “I’ve changed.”

“Not for the better.”

“Xander…”

“No. Spike’s a…a vampire. Did you forget I was there when Angel started killing people we know?”

“Xander, it’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like? Just because he has some fancy chip in his head, that makes him a lovable teddy bear?” Buffy rolled her eyes. “He’s evil, Buffy.”

“No he’s not.”

“He doesn’t have a soul!”

“That doesn’t matter!”

“It did before. With Angel.”

“Spike’s not Angel, ok? He’s different. He’s…I don’t know why, but when he says he loves me, I believe him.” It was Xander’s turn to cringe.

“You honestly don’t think this is a way for him to get close to you so whenever he has the chance, he can use what he knows about you to kill you.”

“No. I don’t think that.”

“Maybe the spell did go wrong. Maybe something’s wrong with you.” Buffy stood up quickly.

“There’s nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact, Willow did a spell to make sure, and that’s why she’s gone.”

“What?”

“She wanted to make sure the spell didn’t go wrong, so she did another spell, and she found out that I’m 100% the same Buffy that came back. The only difference is that when I came back, I saw Spike with new eyes. He did a lot of good over the Summer, and you’re sitting here telling me…”

“Buffy! I don’t care what he did this Summer. He only did it because he didn’t have anything better to do. He couldn’t hurt anything but demons.”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Buffy said, crossing her arms. “But I figured that because we’re friends, you’d try.” She saw the hurt in Xander’s eyes.

“You know,” he said after a few moments, “in high school, I wondered what it was about me that was so…unappealing to you.” Buffy sighed, but he didn’t let her speak. “I watched you swoon after one guy after another, and all the time, I had to sit there and listen to you talk about them, like I was one of your girlfriends. Then Angel turns into the big bad wolf, and after he’s all re-souled, I’m not allowed to talk bad about him, even after everything he’s done. You couldn’t even give me that.”

“This is about high school?” Buffy asked, mouth agape.

“Not just about high school! You didn’t give me the time of day then. Thankfully, I found Anya, but I was your friend, and you didn’t even care that every time I expressed any interest, you shot me down.”

“Xander…”

“Look, I’m not trying to get jealous here. I’m not jealous of Spike. But each guy you pick is worse than the rest. Except for Riley. So what? After Angel, you have a one night stand, try it with a good guy, and when he leaves, you shack up with the next bad boy you see?”

“Oh that’s great,” Buffy said angrily. “That’s what you think of me?”

“Buff…”

“Is everything ok in here?” Tara entered the room cautiously. Xander turned to face her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I…I live here,” she said softly.

“Why?” He turned back to Buffy. “What the Hell is she doing her after what she did to Willow?”

“If you would’ve opened your eyes,” Buffy said hotly, “you’d have seen that Willow’s been using her powers a lot more than she should be. Tara…”

“It’s ok, Buffy. You don’t have to…”

“No. He’s so quick to bite anybody’s head off lately. He should know what an idiot he is.”

“Oh, I’m an idiot, says the girl fucking a vampire.”

“Yes! You are and idiot!” she spat. “Tara asked Willow not to do the spell, and what did she do? She did it anyway? I love Willow, but I can’t blame Tara for leaving. I asked her to stay, because everybody’s gone. Willow’s gone. Giles is gone. You’re too thickheaded to understand what’s going on. Spike left…”

“He left?”

“He’s coming back,” she explained. Tara slipped out of the room to check on dinner. Buffy could hear the creaks of the floorboards on the stairs where Dawn was listening in.

“Oh, I’m sure he is. He won’t leave that easily.”

“Xander, I don’t want to fight with you…”

“Well, this is how it’s gonna be from now on if you don’t wake up, Buffy.”

“So, if I keep seeing Spike, you’re just gonna throw away the past six years?” Xander said nothing. “That’s great. Thanks, Xander.” She turned to walk out of the room.

“Buffy.”

“No!” She spun around again. “Nobody really liked Anya when you started dating her, but none of us told you that if you didn’t stop dating your ex-demon girlfriend that we’d stop hanging out with you. But when I fall in love with Spike, you’re the first one to judge me and tell me that we can’t be friends if I keep seeing him.” The room went silent, and Buffy didn’t understand why Xander was looking at her the way he was. “So just…leave if that’s how you want it to be.”

“What…”

“Leave!”

“No. Buffy…you said…you’re in love with him?”

“What?”

“You’re in love with Spike?!” His features twisted into a grimace of disgust, and she felt her heart stop for a second.

“I…”

“This is worse than I thought. I don’t…” He shook his head, turning toward the door. He walked out without looking back at her. Before the door slammed behind him, he called out, “I don’t even know you anymore.”

Chapter 16: I Love You

Dawn slowly descended the stairs, her mouth hanging open slightly. Buffy folded her arms across her chest as she turned away from the door that Xander had just exited from. Tears stung her eyes, still threatening to fall, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

“Buffy? A…are you ok?” Dawn asked softly. “I heard what he said. He was totally out of line.”

“I’m ok, Dawnie,” Buffy assured her sister. “Sorry you had to hear that.” Dawn smiled a little.

“He’s just upset. He’ll get over it.”

“The old Xander might have, but I think…maybe I really am an idiot.”

“For being with Spike?”

“No! Not because of Spike. But because all those years, even after I knew Xander liked me…I guess I just flaunted Angel in his face…you know?”

“Well, you didn’t feel the same way about him, and he knew that. Yeah, it might hurt, but he can’t control who you date.”

“Thanks Dawnie,” Buffy said with a sigh. She hugged her sister, and when they pulled apart, the younger Summers girl had a grin on her face. “What?”

“You said you love Spike.” Buffy hesitated to respond, but Dawn continued. “Was that the first time you said it, because it kinda sounded like it was? Have you told Spike yet? Or are you waiting until he comes back? Oh, that’d be so romantic!”

“Dawn,” Buffy laughed nervously, “I…no, I haven’t…I mean, Spike doesn’t…”

“You do love him though, right? I mean, you said it.”

“Dawn…” Dawn’s face fell.

“You were just saying it to piss off Xander, weren’t you?” Buffy didn’t answer. “Oh my God! You meant it! You love Spike!” Buffy gave her sister a half-smile and a little shrug.

“I…I guess I do. It just came out, but it didn’t feel wrong, you know? It felt like…well, it felt like it’d been bubbling up for a while. I guess Xander pushed the right buttons, and it came spilling out.”

“Yay!” Dawn squealed. “Ok, so when are you telling Spike?”

“Dawnie, I don’t know,” Buffy said, her shoulders tensing. “I have a lot of things to think about, and I don’t know when he’s coming back.”

“So tell him over the phone.”

“I can’t do that,” Buffy muttered.

“Why not? People do it all the time!”

“Not over the phone!”

“Well…be original then. Tell him on the phone. Breaks the ice for the first time you have to say it to his face.”

“It’s not that simple, Dawnie,” Buffy explained patiently. “It’s just…I…”

“What? How’s it so difficult? I mean, you love him, so why…”

“I’m gonna go patrol now,” Buffy interrupted. “Tell Tara I’ll eat whenever I get home.” She turned and headed out the door without another word. Frustrated, Dawn turned on her heels and headed into the kitchen, where Tara was stirring sauce in a pan.

“You ok?”

“Me? What about you? Xander didn’t have to be such a…”

“It’s ok, Dawn,” Tara replied quietly. “Willow’s been his best friend since they were kids. I don’t blame him for being upset.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong! And he’s going off on Buffy for being in love with Spike.”

“In love?” Tara asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Buffy was yelling at Xander, and it slipped out. Good news? She didn’t deny it!” Tara smiled, knowing Dawn had been rooting for her sister and the vampire for quite some time. “But Buffy’s being lame. She doesn’t want to talk about it, and she’s not going to tell him over the phone.”

“Sometimes that’s just something you have to say in person. Especially the first time,” Tara explained.

“Yeah, but this is different. I mean, Spike’s a vampire, which means he’s probably gonna be around forever. Buffy might be strong, but she’s human, which means she’s not. With her being the Slayer and everything…well, you never know.” Dawn shivered. “She shouldn’t wait, you know?”

“You have a point,” Tara nodded. “But maybe Buffy’s not ready for that yet. I mean, they haven’t been dating that long, and before that, they were mortal enemies. Technically, I guess they’re still mortal enemies. They just choose to ignore that little fact.” Dawn shrugged at Tara’s explanation.

“Yeah. But it’s stupid. Buffy’s been hurt enough, and Spike loves her. I mean, he’s said it God knows how many times, so she can’t be afraid of rejection. So…what is she afraid of?”

***

Despite the fact that it was still light out, two very brave demons had wandered out of their dwellings only to be greeted by the Slayer. Two Fungus demons, of which Buffy guessed were both male, had come at her as soon as they’d seen her, and one was already melting into a large puddle of sticky, smelly goo, while the other was not only playing the part of the soon-to-be dismembered villain, but also as the listening ear Buffy needed.

“So, apparently, I love him,” she said with a shrug as she kicked the demon in his round belly. He groaned and fell backward, but he came at her within moments, growling. “See, I don’t know what to do about it.” She knelt down, bracing herself against the ground, as the demon lunged at her. She flipped him onto his back, standing on his chest, as he struggled to breathe. “My sister says I should tell him, but what’s he going to think?”

“I don’t know,” the demon gurgled with a helpless shrug, as Buffy let him up, only to kick him back against a crypt wall as soon as he was on his own two feet.

“Me neither,” she frowned. “Maybe I’m just being stupid. It’s been known to happen before.” Roundabout kick to the chin. The demon smacked against the wall again. “I guess I’m just afraid that it’s all…well, you know…I’m the Slayer, he’s a vampire. We’re supposed to be like oil and water, but my God, the more of him I get, the more I want.”

“That’s nice?” the demon guessed, getting a hard hit in to the Slayer’s shoulder, sending her back and then kicking her in the stomach. She gasped for breath, but as she was doubled over, she fell into a full front-flip, kicking the demon to the ground again.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Buffy muttered, sitting on the giant beast, delivering a few hard punches to his head, dizzying him. “But if you knew me, you’d know that me saying…those words…to somebody…well, it’s kinda a big deal. See, my first real boyfriend was a vampire. Long story short, he turns evil and tries to kill people I care about. He didn’t always fail. I killed him. He came back. We got back together. Guess what? He left.” She punctuated her sentence with another hard punch.

“S…sorry?” the demon offered.

“Then came Parker.” She gritted her teeth. “One night stand. It was fun for him. Sure. He gets sex with the pretty blonde girl, and the pretty blonde girl turns out to be pretty stupid for trusting him.” She sighed. “Then came Riley. Oh…he was sweet, and he cared about me. But he was part of a secret organization that, you guessed it, dealt with demons. Capturing them, testing them, experimenting. We both had our own things, you know? Me, killing demons, him tracking them down, helping his psychotic boss without realizing she was trying to build a master race.” Buffy punched the demon again, who struggled beneath her. “My mom dies, and I guess he wanted me to cry on his shoulder, but I couldn’t do that. And he left.”

“Don’t see why. You seem like a lovely girl,” the demon choked out, as Buffy squeezed his slimy neck. “Guess what I’m getting at is that I’m…” It hit her.

“Afraid of getting left?” Buffy squeezed the neck harder and snapped it, getting up as soon as the demon’s gooey remains began to decompose into the ground.

“Exactly,” she muttered. She wiped her hands on her pant legs and started off further into the graveyard. As she walked, she strained to think about a time when her life didn’t consist of spending hours upon hours walking over graves, waiting for the earth over certain ones to move and give way, as a new undead being emerged. She couldn’t really remember that life. It was a blur.

But as she was walking, she felt a prickling sensation down her back, and she froze. Turning, her thoughts flashed back to a night when she’d fought for breath, clawing her way out of a cold, damp grave, and in a sense, being born out of Heaven and into a life she’d thought she’d left behind.

The ground was green and flat, seemingly undisturbed. But this was the spot. This was where she’d been buried, apparently in a private ceremony. This was where she’d taken her first free breath in this new life, and she’d recalled her death in every painstaking detail.

She shivered, turning away from it, not wanting to think about those things. She was getting past it all, but the memory was still there and she was sure it always would be.

She was lost in thought as she continued through the graveyard, and before she knew it, she stood in front of Spike’s crypt. She frowned, wishing she could knock and he’d come to the door. But she knew he wouldn’t. He was away, and only God knew where. She paused. If there really was a God, did he keep tabs on the eternally damned? She shivered again at that though. It didn’t seem right that Spike could be put into that category. He was much less a demon in character than any other vampire.

With a sigh, she let herself in, having to squint in the darkness as she stumbled around, searching for a matchbox and a candle. After a few long minutes filled with muffled expletives as the Slayer gracelessly stumbled about the dark crypt, she finally found what she was looking for, and she lit a candle, sending a soft glow out about two feet. She found more candles, lighting them so she could make her way to the ladder and find her way down without breaking something; a vase, his precious television, her own neck.

Downstairs, Buffy lit torches on either side of the wall, illuminating the room enough for her to make her way over to the bed. She smiled a little, not at all surprised that the sheets will still rumpled. Sitting down, she reached out, taking one of his trademark black shirts into her hands. She brought it to her face, touching the fabric to her warm cheek. She inhaled deeply, her heart fluttering at his scent. She lay back on the bed, her head hitting the pillow, and she held the shirt against her. Closing her eyes, she continued to breathe in and out slowly, taking in the scent she missed going to sleep to and waking up to every morning.

Yes, the vampire slayer had it bad. But oddly enough, she wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed of herself. She and Spike had a closeness that she’d never shared with anyone before. Maybe she’d gone through a lot, emotionally, with Angel, but she was a much different person now. She wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a woman who knew herself a lot better than she had back then, though she wasn’t certain that what she did know was enough yet. Only time would tell.

***

By the time she returned home, it was late. She’d fallen asleep in Spike’s bed, and by the time she woke up, there were vampires prowling about the graveyard. She’d been able to dust three of them, before two more ran off into the night. Vampire activity was going up, apparently. There had been nights years ago when one or two a night were all that rose from their graves. Vampires must be getting thirstier, she figured.

Yawning, she walked into the kitchen, warming up the leftover pasta courtesy of Tara. After eating a few bites, she headed back up the stairs for a shower. By the time she crawled into bed, it was after midnight.

She wasn’t even remotely tired. The nap at Spike’s crypt had rested her, and even after a grueling vampire chase in the cemetery, she wasn’t ready to nod off quite yet. She frowned, staring up at her ceiling, wondering what Spike was doing.

As if on cue, the phone rang, and Buffy immediately picked up the receiver, not wanting to wake the entire household.

“Hello?” she asked slowly.

“What are you wearing?”

“Spike?”

“Hello, luv.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Hi, Spike,” she whispered, wondering if he could hear the smile tugging at her mouth. “Why are you calling so late? Tara and Dawn are asleep.”

“You sure?”

“Uh…yeah?”

“Go check.”

“Wh…why?” At the tone of his voice, she felt a flourish like butterflies in her stomach, while a heat surged further southward.

“Just go on, pet. Put the phone down and make sure they’re fast asleep.” Buffy frowned but did as he asked. She headed down the hall and peeked into Tara’s room. Tara was passed out on the bed, a book folded over her chest. Buffy closed the door gently and looked into Dawn’s room. Dawn had headphones plugged into her ears, one leg was draped over the bed, and her face was buried into a pillow, which was no doubt getting covered in drool.

Satisfied that her housemates were sleeping, Buffy returned to her bedroom, closed the door, and headed back over to her bed. She turned her bedside light off and picked the phone back up.

“I’m pretty sure my sister’s drooling and Tara’s out for the count. What do you want?”

“You’re adorable when you’re naïve, kitten.” Buffy felt a twinge deep down at his newer pet name for her. She should be offended and disgusted that he used something so girly and cute, but she had to admit…she kinda liked it. Not kinda. Really. She shivered

“You mean…Spike! No! What if somebody wakes up and picks up the phone?”

“Who’s gonna wake up from their dreams to make a phone call this late at night? C’mon, luv. Live on the wild side.”

“I do that every day. It’s not easy being the Slayer and a vampire’s girlfriend.”

“Don’t tell me those gits are getting onto you…”

“Oh no. But they’re getting the full brunt of my frustrations in very violent ways. I told a fungus demon about my entire romantic history.” She left out the part about the ‘I love you’ thing. She just couldn’t say it over the phone. God, when his voice was as smooth as it was right now, she wanted to tell him everything, but she bit her lip.

“Bet he got a kick out of that.”

“A kick…a broken neck,” she mused. “Where are you?”

“Further away than yesterday.”

“Fine, I won’t ask again,” she shrugged. “Have you done what you wanted to do?”

“Not yet, pet. Going in the morning.”

“The morning?”

“It’ll be dark where I am, luv,” he promised.

“Good,” she breathed, “because even if I am mad at you, I’ll probably tackle you the minute you walk through the door, so I don’t want a pile of dust showing up on my doorstep.”

“That bad, eh?”

“You have no idea,” she muttered, rolling her eyes again.

“Oh, I think I have an idea. I went a long time fantasizing about you, pet. But now that I’ve been where I’ve been…going a day is like…”

“Ok, no poetry,” she laughed. “What do you want?”

“You know what I want.”

“Unless you’re right outside my door right now, I don’t think that’s gonna happen, Spike.”

“What if I was right outside your door?” he murmured. Buffy’s eyes widened and she got up to go check, but before her feet hit the floor, he chuckled softly. “I’m not really there, pet. But what would you do if I was?” Oh. That was his game. She smiled.

“I don’t know. I’m still mad at you for leaving.”

“But you’d fancy a shag, wouldn’t you?”

“You’re so British,” she laughed.

“Then tell me what you’d want. In your words, pet.” Buffy licked her lips, her heart hammering against her chest.

“It’s late,” she teased.

“You’re smiling.”

“What? How do you know that?”

“I can tell by your voice,” he chuckled. “I can hang up and we can do this when I get back if you’d rather…”

“No!” she exclaimed a bit loudly. Clearing her throat, she steadied her voice. “Fine. I’ll play your game.”

“It’s not a game, pet. Don’t tell me you’ve never done this before.”

“None of my boyfriends ever took off in the night…well, at least not with the intention of coming back.”

“I’ll be back, luv. I promise. And I’ll explain to you why I did it. Why I left. Why I had to.”

“It had better be good.” She realized the focus of the conversation was changing, and the way they were going, those three little words were threatening to surface. No. It wasn’t the right time. Not yet. She had to wait. “So, remind me why you called.”

“I was thinking about you,” he breathed, a little chuckle in his voice. “Wondered if you were thinking about me too.”

“Now that you mention it,” she grinned, “haven’t thought about you all day.”

“You are a terrible liar.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Last time I told you that, the night ended pretty good for the both of us, right?”

“You could say that,” she laughed. There were a few moments of silence before Spike spoke again.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“What question?”

“What are you wearing?”

“My pajamas, you perv.”

“Describe ‘em to me.”

“Ugh. This is weird.”

“Isn’t weird, pet. It’s just…another way of communicating.”

“Oh yeah. Communicating, says the vampire who’d rather fuck first and talk later.” She heard a sharp intake of breath. “What?”

“Sorry, pet. Just didn’t expect those words out of your mouth,” he teased again, knowing perfectly well that he’d heard a lot worse come from those perfect, pink lips. Just thinking about what those lips could do made him harden a little in his hand. His free hand held the phone, and he wondered if she was touching herself yet. No, probably not, he figured. It was going to take a little coaxing. He didn’t mind. He rather enjoyed that.

“Oh please,” she laughed.

“You’re right. You’re definitely not a lady in the bedroom.”

“Ass!” she laughed. “I hate you.”

“You do not.” You’re right, she thought. I love you.

“Tell me,” he said again, his tone a little more demanding. “The sexy black knickers?”

“Actually,” she said, chewing her bottom lip, touching the neck of the shirt she wore. “I’m wearing one of your shirts.” He hardened a little more but was silent. “Spike?”

“Go on, luv.”

“It smells like you,” she offered. “And yes, I’m wearing the black underwear I wore the other day…on our first date.”

“Tell me you didn’t wash them,” he said smugly.

“Ew! Yes, I washed them, sicko!” He laughed again.

“What else?”

“Um…nothing,” she said sheepishly.

“Take off your knickers,” he breathed.

“I’m not in the mood,” she lied. She slipped them off in one fluid motion.

“And the shirt.”

“Mmm…I wanna keep that on.” Her free hand was already toying with a nipple through the fabric of Spike’s shirt.

“S’alright,” he said with a cocky smile that she could picture in her mind. “I’ve got a pair of your frilly pink knickers here.”

“Please tell me you haven’t been wearing them.”

“Nah, they don’t fit.”

“Spike, you’re kinda killing the mood.” Actually, she was wetter than ever.

“Wish you were here, pet.”

“This is corny.” She pinched her nipple once before letting her hand travel downward.

“I can hang up…”

“No!” she exclaimed. Hearing a soft snore from down the hall, she lowered her voice. “Don’t hang up. Talk to me. Tell me about where you are.”

“Well, right now, I’m in a seedy little hotel room. Curtains are shut, can hear the couple in the room next door shagging like rabbits.”

“Must be torture for you,” she laughed.

“Not a total loss,” he muttered. She heard a hitch in his voice.

“Are you…”

“Aren’t you?” She was about to deny it, but she circled her thumb over her clit and entered two fingers right away. She bit her lip to keep from moaning. “S’what I thought. Now…tell me where you are.”

“You know where I am.”

“Play along, pet. Set the scene.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“I’m laying on my bed…the lights are out, the door’s shut. The wind is rustling the braches against my window.”

“Dark and stormy night, eh?”

“Dark is right.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Just laying here…talking to you. What are you doing?”

“Right now, I’ve got my hand on my dick, and all I want is to bury it inside of you.” Buffy couldn’t help but let out a little moan, as she slowly slid her fingers in and out. “Do you want me, pet?”

“Mmmm…”

“I’ll take that as a yes. How many fingers do you have inside of you right now?” She paused. How the hell did he know?

“Two,” she answered.

“Insert another one.” He heard a little moan as she did so, and he gave his cock another stroke. “Are you grinding your palm against your clit, Slayer?” Buffy realized that yes, she was.

“You’re sure you’re not watching me?” He chuckled at that.

“I just know you, luv. I know the way your body works, the things that get you off.”

“Unh,” she groaned, as she pumped her fingers a little faster. “Spike…”

“What is it, kitten?”

“Oh God,” she muttered, his words sending a little thrill through her.

“Tell me what you need pet,” he whispered.

“I need you inside of me,” she breathed, leaning back against her pillows, her heels digging into the mattress as her fingers continued to work their own magic. “Oh God. I need you, Spike. I need you now.”

“I’m there, pet. I’m kissing you. Your lips. Your neck…” Buffy’s hand trailed down to each spot he told her. “Open up for me. I want to taste you, luv.” She pulled her legs up a little, spreading them, her fingers doing as he commanded. Her fingers circled her clit and then plunged back inside as he expertly described every detail of how he wanted to make her scream his name. “You taste so good, pet. Want to drink you in.” Buffy came at those words and she shuddered, clutching the phone as she continued to pump her fingers in and out. “You should taste yourself, luv. It’s indescribable. Do it.” She hesitated, but finally brought her fingers to her lips, tentatively tasting her own flavor. He could hear her lips smack, and he nearly went over the edge.

“Oh God, Spike,” she breathed, her hand against her chest as she relaxed against the bed. “You so need to come home…now.”

“I’ll be there soon, I promise,” he whispered. “Now…what do you want to do to me.”

“Oops,” she giggled. “Sorry.” He cleared her throat, thinking for a few moments. “I’m running my hands down your body, circling your nipples. I know you like that. I’m crawling over you, my legs straddling your hard cock.” He could picture the blush in her cheeks as she said it. As much as a minx she was in the sack, there were certain words that she couldn’t help but blush at.

“Fuck, Buffy,” he moaned, as he continued to pump, closing his eyes as he pictured her over him.

“I kiss you again, making my way down your body, my tongue tasting your cool, sweet skin.” She felt like the narrator of a very bad romance novel, but she could hear his breathing change. She was turning him on. And the thought of it turned her on again, and her fingers began to explore her wet center once again. She closed her eyes, her own needs directing her words. “I’m on my knees, looking up at you. I take you in my hand…and I lean forward. But I stop.”

“Tease,” he sputtered. She heard him groan next.

“I crawl back over you, kissing up the same trail, nipping at you. I kiss you hard, biting your lip, and I stroke you as I guide you inside.”

“Christ, Buffy…I’m gonna…”

“Then I…” Her words trailed off, as she focused on her next orgasm that was just around the bend. Spike was silent now too, save for the ragged breaths. If she wasn’t so caught up in the moment, she might have wondered if his breathing was just a habit from his human days, or if it was only one way to control himself from coming too soon.

“Buffy,” he murmured again, letting out a primal groan. “That was…”

“Oh God,” she groaned through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna…”

“Go ahead, kitten,” he urged.

“Oh God, Spike!” she cried. The thoughts in her head were raging now. Need you. Want you. Fuck me. Love you. God, I love you! Love you. Oh… “I love you…” And she came, her body shuddering, as arched against the mattress. She heard Spike suck in a sharp breath, and then it hit her. She’d said it aloud.

“I love you too,” was all he answered.

“I…” The words wouldn’t come now. She was too stunned. Too completely shocked at herself. There were several moments of silence.

“You didn’t mean to say it, did you.”

“No,” she said, completely embarrassed now.

“S’alright. I understand.” His voice was low, and she felt a twinge in her heart.

“It’s not like that, Spike! I didn’t meant to say it, but that…it doesn’t mean I didn’t mean it.”

“What?”

“I…I didn’t want to tell you over the phone,” she groaned quietly. “Guess it’s too late for that.”

“You…you mean…”

“Yeah. I do,” she said, a sheepish smile playing over her features, as if he was standing in front of her to see it.

“And when did you come to this conclusion, pet?” He sounded more in awe than anything.

“I kinda…blurted it out to Xander when I was yelling at him. I’m sorry, Spike. I did this all wrong.”

“Don’t apologize, pet! I just didn’t expect you could ever say it to me. Not like this…”

“Like what?”

“Never mind, luv.” His voice cracked. She means it? I don’t even have a soul. She never thought she could love me. His thoughts raced, tormenting him. He had to hear it again. “I…I just can’t believe you said…”

“I know. It kinda snuck up on me. I feel like a big moron. Idiot Buffy, more like it.” He smiled on the other line. “Spike…I do though. You know…I do…” He said nothing. He was waiting for her to say it again. She took a shaky breath and covered her eyes, her face turning all shades of red. “I love you, Spike.”

“I love you too, Buffy,” he breathed. Now that the phone line and their own separate rooms were filled with uncertain tension, they were going to be able to pull through it. Those words had been said and meant, and now it was time to move on.

A few minutes and awkward sentences later, they were saying it again, and it was beginning to feel a lot more familiar on her part to say it and on his to hear it. Then they were saying goodbye, and Buffy was hanging up, only to fall back onto the mattress, completely stunned, completely sated, and completely ready for him to come home.

Chapter 17: Light in the Dark

“It’s working, it’s working,” Mr. Travers insisted, as he paced nervously back and forth in front of Dana’s cell. “It has to be working.”

“She’s still struggling, Sir.”

“Yes, but look at her vitals. Her heart rate has dropped to a normal level. She’s even speaking in her sleep. She’s coming around.”

“When she does speak…”

“She talks about yellow eyes and razor sharp teeth,” Travers pointed out. “She’s a Slayer, and she’s having dreams that coincide with her mission in life.”

“She’s still insane, Sir.”

“I asked you to give me three days. Three days have come and gone, and she has made improvements. I have no doubt that she’ll be calm enough soon that we can attempt a conversation.”

“Normally, Mr. Travers, I’m willing to agree with you, but I don’t see it with this one. I think she’s a danger to the Council and to…” Of course, he knew Travers was in full control of the Council, and until his word would be taken over anyone else’s.

“She’s not a danger to anyone,” Mr. Travers insisted. “If I’m wrong, she’s still restrained, and there’s no way she’ll be able to get out of that room even if she were to break her bonds again.” Travers shook his head. “She’s going to pull out of this.”

***

While Dawn was at school, and Tara was working on some homework from a class she’d missed a lot of lately due to the craziness that had surrounded them when Xander decided to stop coming around and Willow took off with Giles to England, Buffy had cleaned each room of the house from top to bottom.

She hated cleaning. But, cleaning helped her lose focus on the fact that all she wanted was for Spike to come home. It didn’t help that she hadn’t heard from him since that night on the phone. He’d been preparing to do whatever he was about to do, and she’d hoped to hear from him after he’d done it. She’d hoped he’d already be on his way home by now. But, nothing.

She had to admit that she was pretty ticked off. She tells him she loves him and he doesn’t call back. That wasn’t Spike, because he’d been in love with her for a long time now. What if he was hurt? What if he was perfectly fine and just letting her hang there waiting until he was ready to come home? If he was fine, he was going to get an earful next time she talked to him. Why couldn’t he call?

A knot had formed in the pit of her stomach, and now she was starting to think that maybe now that she’d told him how she felt, and she was finally about to be happy, everything was going to fall apart. Honestly, it wouldn’t have surprised her any.

Now, she sat on the front porch drinking ice water and watching the cars roll down the street. It was a nice day, but she had no interest in doing anything except waiting for Spike to call. Groaning, she muttered to herself, “when did I become the girl who waits for the guy to call?”

“When did you become the bridesmaid that doesn’t show up for her dress appointment?” Buffy turned at the voice she least expected to hear.

“Anya?”

“And Willow’s out of the country.” She sat down on the porch step next to the Slayer. “This wedding is going to be a disaster.”

“Sorry, Anya, but I didn’t think…well, I really didn’t think I’d be invited to the wedding anymore after…”

“Well, you’re still invited, because you have to be my bridesmaid. I don’t have anybody else, you know. I don’t know very many people. I have demon girlfriends, but they wouldn’t look very nice in the dresses I have picked out.” Buffy furrowed her brows.

“You…you have talked to Xander, right? I mean, you do know he’s not talking to me right or Tara right now.”

“Yes. He told me,” Anya said with a nod. “You’re having sex with Spike, and Tara left Willow, because Willow was doing spells behind her back.”

“And…you’re here anyway.”

“Xander’s a man. His pride was hurt, because you’d rather have sex with vampires than with him, and he’s mad at Tara because Willow’s his best friend, and he doesn’t want her to get hurt. And before you ask, no, he doesn’t want to have sex with you. I asked. He’s just mad, because you kept it from him, and you didn’t give him a chance when you were in high school.” Buffy blinked, her jaw dropping a little.

“And how do you feel?”

“When I was a demon, I had sex with plenty of vampires. I can’t blame you. And we both know Willow’s never been my favorite friend of Xander’s. So I’m here.”

“But don’t you think you should talk to Xander, since it’s his wedding too?”

“No,” Anya said cheerfully, smiling and shrugging.

“Ooookay,” Buffy muttered.

“Come on. The dress shop is open until five. Can you call Tara?”

“Tara’s in class, but I…I can try. Anya, are you sure you want us in your wedding? Don’t you think it would be awkward?”

“You want to talk awkward? Picture this: my guests, mostly demons with very prominent bodily differences than Xander’s guests and family, who, by the way, I’ve never met. I think I’d rather have tension at the altar than in the audience.” Buffy shook her head.

“I guess I’ll go, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Oh come on. By the time the wedding get’s here, Xander might be over it.”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t exactly like Spike, and he looks at me like I’m…well, like I’m some kind of a demon for loving Spike.”

“Loving? So what Xander said is true? It’s love?”

“Anya…”

“Fine. Alright. Just come with me and try on the dress so the alterations can be done. I’ll try to soften Xander up. He really is miserable without you guys.” She sounded disappointed. “I thought I was enough for him, but I guess he really does need friends.”

“Fine. Fine, I’ll come,” Buffy offered. It would be nice to get out of the house and not wonder where the Hell Spike was, even if she was going to spend a couple of hours trying on a dress with Anya, who wasn’t exactly her favorite person. It was better than being alone, though. “I’ll call Tara and see if she can make it too.”

***

He woke face down in the sand, dark walls surrounding him. His body ached. He felt as if a fire had been lit inside of him, and the moment he was conscious enough to feel every bit of pain that he was in, he writhed on the ground, curling up into a ball.

The past few days had been a blur. He’d found who he was looking for, and he’d been tested. Whatever the tests had been, he couldn’t remember them. He could only feel the scratches and the burns on his body that were the results. He had no idea how many of his bones had been broken, but he was certain that they were the cause of his agony now. It didn’t help matters any that since he’d gone under, he’d dreamed about every single person he’d ever tortured, killed, harmed. It was like a gruesome live-action slideshow playing in his head.

He groaned, slowly sitting up. Yes. Some bones were definitely broken from whatever the hell kind of trials he had been through. He knew they were healing, and he was thankful for the fact that he was a vampire just then, because he’d be in top shape, physically, in about another day. Still, the rest of the pain didn’t even compare to that.

A memory, a flash of a young woman with fiery red hair went through his head. She was crying, cowering in some filthy, damp alley, while he came upon her, thirsty for a kill, a newborn vampire with Dru at his side.

“Eat her up, my William,” she tittered madly. Another scream, as a younger face, a young woman’s face appeared a few feet from them. “But save room for dessert.” He lunged at her, sinking his teeth into her sweet, young flesh.

“AHHHHGHH!” he screamed, clutching at the back of his head, as the vivid memory sparked his chip to fire. That was new. “It’s not real! It’s not real!” He felt his stomach heave, and he crouched over, vomiting into the sand. That was new too. He hadn’t thrown up since he was a human.

A sliver of sunlight filtered in from somewhere in the cave, and he reached out for it, needing to be sure. When the sunlight met his pale flesh, it sizzled, and he screamed again, throwing himself into the farthest, darkest corner, as memories of his past victims continued to torture him, making him beg for unconscious, for death, for anything that would make the pain go away.

And then another memory—a happy memory—filtered through his mind. “I love you…” He groaned, holding his head in his hands. He’d thought good and hard after getting off the phone with her that night about forgetting this and going back to her. She loved him without the soul. Why do it? But, the more he thought about it, the more he had to do it. He had to be sure in his own mind that he was good enough for her. Without a soul, he couldn’t be sure of anything when it came to love. He’d never been sure of how he could love her. He just knew he did. And he knew he had to do this. He wanted it. He wanted more than anything to look Buffy in the eyes and tell her that he loved her with everything in him, and that he had a soul mate, because he couldn’t have that. Not without a soul.

Two years ago, he’d have thrown himself in front of a picture window on a sunny day for having those thoughts, but now it was all he wanted. To be hers. For her to be his. For whatever bit of time they had left together in her life.

“No! Please! Please don’t!” The bad memories invaded his head again, and he screamed out, holding onto a sharp rock, trying to keep himself from falling over.

“Buffy,” he breathed. “Buffy.” As soon as the painful memories rushed in, he thought of Buffy, and though those memories were still there in the foreground, the intensity of the pain they caused him was somewhat muted by thinking of her. By thinking of the fact that whatever pain this was causing was worth it, because this was what he needed to be able to give her everything. Well, everything except for a stroll through the park in the daytime. But he could give her all of himself with the part of him that had been missing since Dru sired him.

***

“The color’s nice,” Buffy said with a pained, fake-smile. “I like green. It’ll look nice with Willow’s hair…you know, if she’s back before the wedding.”

“Yeah. It goes…with everybody,” Tara said quietly, examining herself in the mirror. The dresses were shiny and green, and while they weren’t the most gorgeous dresses ever created, they could have been a lot worse.

“You both look so beautiful. Of course, not more beautiful than I’ll look in my wedding dress. All eyes should be on the bride.”

“Yes, Anya,” Buffy said with a forgiving smile. “All eyes on you.” Under her breath, she muttered, “whatever takes the focus off of us.”

“What?” Anya asked.

“Hey! Why don’t you try on your dress again?” Anya’s eyes lit up!

“I should! I do look very attractive in it.” She nodded self-assuredly, and she pranced off to find the dress. Buffy turned to Tara, and their expression both read the same.

“Oh my God,” Buffy whispered. “We’re radioactive!”

“Yeah,” Tara grimaced. “But Anya likes them. Besides, isn’t it tradition that the bridesmaids have horrible dresses?”

“Sadly, I think so,” Buffy muttered. “I’d never do that to my bridesmaids. I’d let them wear whatever they wanted…” Tara raised an eyebrow.

“Thinking about weddings, Buffy?”

“Well, sure. I mean, look where we are. A dozen Bridezillas running around looking for the same dress will make you think about it.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You know, I think I wanna try some more dresses on,” Buffy said quickly.

“Wow, you’re really good at avoiding difficult conversations.” Buffy smiled at Tara’s words.

“It’s what I do best...well, next to slaying, that is.” Anya came walking around the corner wearing the dress she’d picked out. It was gorgeous. White with delicate lacework and beads that sparkled but weren’t too tacky.

“Wow, Anya,” Buffy said with a surprised smile. “It’s gorgeous.”

“I know,” Anya grinned, twirling around in front of a mirror. “I’m so glad I decided to wear a traditional human gown instead of a traditional demon gown. This much more appealing to the eye.” She twirled again, and Buffy and Tara exchanged glances. “I can’t wait until Xander sees me in this. His jaw will drop!” She looked at the bridesmaids. “His jaw will drop, right? I don’t want to wear it if it doesn’t have the right effect.”

“I’m sure his eyes’ll pop out like a love struck cartoon character,” Buffy assured Anya. Anya smiled.

“Oh! That’s sweet.” She smiled and hurried off to change back into her regular clothes. Buffy and Tara changed back into their own clothes as well, after the sales lady came through and quickly placed pins in the places that needed adjusting.

When all was said and done, Buffy found herself prepaying for alterations. She grumbled as she closed her billfold. She felt a little childish that she was feeling so grumpy about having to pay any money toward anything that had to do with Xander’s wedding day. It wasn’t like he wanted her to be happy or anything, so why was she going along with this?

With a sigh, she knew. Because they were friends, even if he was acting like a toddler having trouble sharing his toys.

As she was waiting for Tara and Anya to finish up, she spotted a head of dark hair ducking past the window. Furrowing her brows, she called over to the other girls.

“Hey, I’m gonna wait outside.” Tara waved at her, and Buffy headed outside, where sure enough, Xander Harris was leaving against the brick building. Buffy crossed her arms defensively but walked over to him. Right now, she didn’t care if he didn’t want to talk to her.

“What are you doing? Are you trying to get Anya to call off the wedding? I’m pretty sure she’d do it, considering she’s pretty into those myths, like not seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding.”

“Chill, Buffy. I was just coming to see if she was done.”

“Yeah, well, she’s finishing up inside.”

“Oh. Ok. Good.” Buffy cleared her throat.

“It’s your wedding too. You could just tell her you don’t want us there, and…”

“I do want you there, Buff. You, Tara, and Willow.” Buffy looked at him as if he’d grown a second head. “What I said the other night…I’m sorry. I talked to Willow on the phone last night, and she’s not even mad at Tara. She’s upset, yeah, but she knows what she did was wrong, and she knows why Tara left.”

“Oh,” Buffy said quietly. “Well, that’s good, I guess.”

“I don’t like that you’re with Spike. I hate it, actually. The thought of you and him it makes me sick.”

“Do you have a point?”

“Yeah…I’m getting there. My point is that you can make your own decisions. Right now, your decision is to be with Spike, and I’m sure that someday you’ll figure out that’s the wrong choice for you.” Buffy gritted her teeth. “Everybody has to make mistakes.”

“What makes you think that this thing I have with Spike is a mistake?”

“Well, the problems kind of list themselves, Buff,” Xander said with a raised eyebrow. “He…”

“If you say something about his lack of a soul one more time, I’m seriously going to punch you in the face. Hard.”

“Whoa.” He held his hands up. “While that’s number two on my list, the first is that he’s not good enough for you. He’s a killer with a muzzle on. He’s…he’s Hannibal Lecter!” Buffy rolled her eyes. “The only thing stopping him from killing you is that chip. He can’t so much as bite you. But all it takes is one little malfunction…one crack in the glass, and he can break through and…” Buffy flinched.

“That’s enough, Xander,” she warned.

“I’m worried about you, Buff. We’ve been through a lot together, and I know he’s gonna hurt you someday. I guess I’m just disappointed, because I thought you’d have better sense than to…”

“I can’t help that I love him, Xander.” He flinched like she’d actually hit him. “When I came back, I tried not to care about him. But I couldn’t help it. It bothered me a lot that I was starting to care about him, but he hasn’t given me one reason since I’ve been back not to trust him. I do trust him. With my life. With Dawn’s life.”

“Maybe that’s number one on my list. You can’t trust a vampire. Not even Angel. Look how he hurt you.”

“This has nothing to do with Angel, Xander. Just…stop acting like you even have a clue about what’s going on.”

“I know enough. I know too much.”

“What’s going on?” Buffy turned around to see Anya and Tara coming out of the store. Xander cleared his throat. He immediately moved over to put his arm around his future wife. But he looked at Tara.

“Tara, I wanted to say sorry for everything I said. I was upset, and I jumped to conclusions. I talked to Willow last night, and she…she said she understood why you did what you did.” It was Tara’s turn to flinch, but she just nodded.

“I…it’s okay. I mean, you’ve known her forever, so I’m…I’m glad she has a friend that’s got her back, you know?” Xander nodded, and he looked back at Buffy.

“I just want to see my friends happy.” Buffy really couldn’t believe him. He only wanted his friends to be happy if he was happy with the reasons they were happy.

“I’ve gotta go. Dawn’ll be home soon. Tara? You coming with?”

“I have a study session. I’ll probably be home late.”

“Alright,” she shrugged. “See ya later.” Giving a small wave toward Xander and Anya, she trudged off toward home.

Chapter 18: Safe

“Something’s wrong,” Buffy breathed, as she paced the living room, phone in her hand, clueless as to whom she should call.

“Buffy, calm down,” Dawn urged.

“He hasn’t called, Dawnie. Something had to have happened. He…he would have called.”

“It’s alright,” Dawn soothed. Spike had been gone nearly a month, and she’d still not heard a word from him since that night on the phone. Where was he? Was he ok? Did he even exist anymore? Her heart pounded at the thought of losing him before she could truly let him into her life.

To top it all off, Willow’s calls were becoming less frequent, as her studies and counseling at the school in England were becoming more time consuming. Xander still wasn’t coming around, except to take Dawn places if she needed a ride. But if he and Buffy happened to run into each other at the Magic Box, which happened about once a day, they’d have polite conversation that stayed within the bounds of neutral conversation.

“I can’t take this,” Buffy breathed, flopping down on the couch. “What if he doesn’t…”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Dawn said with a glare that, had Buffy not been the Chosen One, might have scared her a little bit. “He’s totally in love with you. Whatever he’s doing, he’s probably got a good reason, and he’s gonna come back.”

“You’re right,” Buffy said with a nod. Over a week ago, she’d finally stopped letting herself think about how much she had changed since she’d started falling for Spike. She’d stopped letting herself think what she would have done before the feelings for the vampire arrived. The reality was that those feelings were there, and she accepted it that way. Still, at this moment, she knew it would be much easier if she didn’t love him. “Stupid vampire. He’s gonna get it when he gets back.”

“That’s the spirit,” Dawn said with an encouraging smile.

“If he’s not hurt, he’s gonna be in a world of pain by the time I’m done with him.”

“Yep. Just don’t hurt him too bad, because, well, it’s Spike, and he’s your boyfriend.”

“Right,” Buffy said with a nod. She looked at the clock.

“You should probably finish getting ready. Big party and all. Just make sure Mr. Grabby Hands keeps his paws in his own pants.” Dawn made a face. “I mean…in his pockets.” She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t have to go.”

“Yes you do. You deserve a life, but if I smell alcohol or smoke on you when you come in the door, you’re dead,” Buffy warned.

“No drinking. Promise. What I can’t promise is that there won’t be any making out.”

“I don’t need to hear that. Just…be careful, Dawnie.”

“Yeah, like you were little miss perfect at my age. You burned down a gym, remember.”

“That’s so not what I’m talking about, Dawn.” Dawn sighed and nodded.

“I know. Jake’s sweet. He’s…well, he’s not like other guys.”

“I’ve heard that one a lot,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes. “Look, Dawnie, I’m your sister and I love you, but I’m not opposed to breaking my no-kill policy toward humans if he so much as hurts…”

“Buffy, relax!” Dawn exclaimed. “I’m fifteen. I’m so not ready to…”

“Uh-huh. Tell that to your hormones when they start talking back to you.” Dawn rolled her eyes.

“Be careful, Dawnie, I’m serious. You should be dating and having fun, but not too much fun. Remember, my first time ended with my boyfriend losing his soul and going on a rampant killing spree.”

“I’m not planning on having sex with any cursed vampires tonight, Buffy. Seriously though, I can stay home.” Buffy sighed, shaking her head.

“It’s ok. Just be home by eleven, ok?”

“Alright. You’re sure…”

“Dawn, go get ready!” Buffy exclaimed, feigning exasperation. Dawn smiled, hugging her sister and then running up the stairs, two steps at a time to prepare for her party date with Jake.

***

A thud outside the door startled Buffy awake, and she sat up on the couch, realizing it was near time for Dawn to get home from the party. She wondered if that was her coming in, and as she stood up to peer out the window, she didn’t see a car or anything.

“Little jerk didn’t even walk her to the door,” she muttered to herself. “Coming, Dawnie!” She made her way to the front door and unlocked it. But when she opened it up, it wasn’t a partied-out Dawn standing before it. Instead, it was a weary, half-conscious Spike leaning against the doorframe. “Spike! Oh my God!” He practically fell into her, and she helped him stand.

“Buffy,” he murmured, his bloodshot eyes closing for a moment. Had she not known exactly what a drunk Spike was like, she would have suspected that he was, in fact, drunk. But there was something wrong, and she helped him into the house. He collapsed on the couch, and Buffy knelt next to him.

His skin was even paler than usual, and his nose was bleeding. She quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped at his nose, as he groaned, fighting to stay awake.

“What happened?” she asked softly, feeling the tears stinging her eyes. “Where were you? How’d you get back?”

“I…” he muttered. “I needed…” His eyelids fluttered, and then he was out. Buffy quickly began to shake him, trying to get him back, but he was passed out. She bit back the urge to cry, wondering what he’d been through and why she hadn’t heard from him. Her anger had melted away the minute she’d seen him leaning against the doorframe, but now all that filled her was curiosity and worry.

She looked down at him, realizing that the shirt he wore was ripped in several places, and was that…yes…it was a large, burned-through hole at the shoulder. What the Hell had happened to him?

Firsts things first, she needed to clean him up. He had a few cuts on his hands, and she could see some fresh blood seeping through the black material on his chest.

Rushing to the kitchen, she grabbed a bowl, filling it with warm water. She grabbed a fresh sponge out from a drawer near the sink and hurried back into the living room. He was still unconscious on the couch, and the first thing she had to do was get him out of that shirt. So, she helped him sit long enough to get the shirt off of him, and she gasped at what she saw beneath that. Gashes. Not cuts. Gashes, that if he wasn’t a vampire, would require stitches.

Dipping the sponge into the bowl, she wrung it out and began to gently dab at the gashes on his chest. They looked like….like knife wounds. Shuddering, she ever-so-gently cleaned him up, and watched as his eyes rolled back and forth beneath his eyelids. She gently brushed the sponge over his chest again, and this time, he winced.

“Spike?”

“Make it stop,” he muttered. “It hurts…”

“Spike…it’s ok. I’m here,” she whispered, placing her hand against his cheek. “I’m here…” She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you,” she breathed against his skin. “You’re safe.” He relaxed again at her soothing tone, and she continued to clean him up while he slept.

***

By the time eleven o’clock rolled around, Buffy had bandaged up Spike’s chest wounds, and he was knocked out on the couch. When she heard a car pull up in front and the door close, she peeked out the front window to see Jake get out of the driver’s seat and come around to open Dawn’s door. He had some manners, she would give him that, but he was still sixteen, and that worried her. She knew what sixteen year old boys were like. Well, she knew what fifteen year old girls were like, for that matter. It hadn’t been too long ago that she was that age.

She turned away when she noticed they were making out, and she turned her attention back to Spike, sitting down on a cushion, trying not to bump his feet. He looked much better now. He was his usual pale, not the horribly pale he’d been when he’d come inside. She was anxious for him to wake up now so that she could find out exactly what had happened to him.

The door opened slowly, as if Dawn was trying to avoid waking anybody up, but when she saw Buffy sitting on the couch, her exhausted expression turned to one of surprise.

“Buffy!” she squeaked. “I’m not late, am I?”

“No, you’re right on time,” Buffy said with a distracted nod. Dawn’s gaze traveled down to a head of bleached blonde hair resting on a pillow.

“Oh my God!” she hissed, dropping her purse on the floor and hurrying into the living room. “What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy muttered. “He turned up about a half hour ago, and he was barely conscious.”

“Buffy…is he…is he ok?”

“I think so. He’s starting to look a little better. But I haven’t gotten to really talk to him yet.” Buffy looked up at her sister, ready to ask her about her date, but Dawn could tell her sister’s mind was on Spike, and anything she said to her probably wouldn’t be processed. “How’d it go?” Dawn tensed a little but smiled, shrugging.

“It was ok. Somebody spiked the punch. Don’t worry, I didn’t drink any of it.”

“Good,” Buffy said with a nod. “And Jake?”

“Jake’s really sweet.” Her smile brightened. “He asked me to be his girlfriend.” Buffy half-smiled, wondering exactly what the point was when two people went from dating to being boyfriend/girlfriend. Of course, things had been a little backward with her and Spike. They’d had the hot, fantastic sex first, and then they’d started to date. Her eyes nearly bulged. “He asked me to go out again tomorrow night.”

“He didn’t try to…you know, he’s not trying to pressure you, is he?” Dawn’s jaw tensed.

“Buffy, Jake’s a really good guy, and…”

“That’s not what I asked, Dawn.” A small groan from Spike interrupted the conversation, and Dawn let out a breath she’d been holding in. “Spike?” He only groaned. Buffy placed her hand over his bandages, preparing to check and make sure he wasn’t bleeding or anything. But, when he felt her hand against his chest, he reached up, taking it in his own hand. He didn’t open his eyes, but he squeezed her hand, and she swallowed hard. “It’s ok, Spike.”

“It’s good to have you back,” Dawn whispered.

“Hear that?” Buffy asked. “Get some rest, Spike. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Spike relaxed again, and Buffy motioned toward the kitchen. “You hungry?”

“Nah. I filled up on junk food at the party. I couldn’t eat another bite. I’m gonna get a shower and go to bed.”

“Okay,” Buffy said slowly. “G’night.”

“Night,” Dawn chirped before rushing up the stairs. Buffy stared after her for a few seconds, before Spike shifted on the couch, and she turned her attention to sun-proofing the house so she didn’t wake up to a pile of ashes covering the couch.

***

Buffy woke in the morning with a sore neck. When she opened her eyes, she realized she was staring at a leg of the coffee table. Groaning, she stood up, rubbing her neck. She looked over to the couch, where Spike was no longer laying. Her heart began to race, and she wondered if she’d dreamed it all, but when she stood up and tripped over the same leg she’d been staring at, the water in the bowl sitting on the top of the coffee table sloshed around, spilling out onto the glass top.

“Oh,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes and looking through the dim house. When she walked into the kitchen, Dawn was sitting there in her pajamas, looking far from happy.

“If you’re wondering where your boyfriend is, he’s hogging the hot water. Like he needs it. He’s a friggin’ vampire.” She rolled her eyes.

“Whoa, moody,” Buffy muttered.

“Sorry. I have a meeting before school, and I don’t want to smell like cigarettes all day.” Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on, Buffy. It was a high school party. Of course kids are going to be smoking. I didn’t. But geez, I smell like a bar.”

“How would you know what a…oh, never mind.” Buffy rubbed at her sore neck again. Sleeping on the floor was only pleasant when it followed animal sex with a certain platinum-haired vampire. Even then, the results were the same. “Ow.”

“There’s not gonna be any water left. Tara had a shower before she left, and…”

“What time is it?”

“Seven.”

“OK. Doesn’t your school have showers in the gym?”

“Yeah, but Buffy, they smell like B.O.” Buffy crinkled her nose.

“Can you make due for one morning? Spike’s been through a lot…of which I know nothing about right now, but…”

“Fine, fine. But you’re gonna be the one to tell him that if he wants a shower in the morning he’s either gotta get up with the chickens, or he has to wait ‘til after I’m gone.”

“Noted. Go on.” Dawn cringed and headed upstairs to get dressed in her gym clothes, packing her school clothes in with her books. When she was gone, Buffy went back to the kitchen and dug around in the fridge. She found an unopened container of pig’s blood from the butcher. She wondered at what point pig’s blood went bad. She was definitely not going to smell it, but hey, it wasn’t like it’d kill him to drink a little bit of old blood.

She poured the sticky liquid into a mug and put it in the microwave. When she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, a whirlwind of questions and emotions flooded through her.

The loud beep of the microwave distracted her, and she turned to retrieve his blood, just as he walked in. When she turned around, her curious eyes met his tired ones from across the counter. She gave him a quick once over. He was wearing the shirt she’d taken from his crypt, and apparently the same jeans he’d been in last night. But, he looked refreshed.

“I thought you might be hungry,” she offered, handing the mug out to him. He didn’t really have much of an appetite, but at the first scent of blood, he felt the hunger beginning to rise.

“Thanks, pet.”

He reached out, taking the mug from her, drinking the blood down in a few quick gulps, his features changing in the process. She didn’t take her eyes off of him.

When he was done, his features changed again, and he was no longer on the bumpy side. She smiled a little and took the cup from him, rinsing it out so the blood wouldn’t dry to the sides. She sat down across from him at the counter, and they could only look at each other. He had so much to tell her and didn’t know where to begin, while she had so many questions to ask, and didn’t know which ones to ask first.

“Are we gonna talk about it?” she finally spoke.

“What part do you want to hear first?” Buffy shivered at that response, not quite sure how to take it.

“How’d you get back here?”

“Honestly, pet, I’m not quite sure of that myself.” Buffy narrowed her eyes at him. “The past few weeks…I don’t remember much about what was going on around me. I’ve been sort of…in my own head.”

“Okay,” she said quietly. “Where did you go?” Spike cleared his throat.

“Africa.”

“Africa!” she exclaimed. “What…”

“It’s the only place I could go. I had to do it then, because I didn’t know when I’d get the chance again.”

“Do what, exactly?” He tried to read her features, wondering how and when he should give her the news. But, he winced in pain first.

“Spike?”

“Could you help me, luv? I need a little help with the bandages.” He motioned toward his chest.

“Oh. Sure. Um, follow me.” He followed her up the stairs and into the large bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the bath tub, and she pulled a stood over to sit across from him. He removed his shirt slowly, and she could see that some of the faded bruises he’d had last night were completely gone, whereas some of the darker ones were barely visible now. The gashes had healed up a little, and they weren’t quite as deep anymore.

Buffy reached for the peroxide, but he stopped her.

“No need for any of that. They’ll heal fast enough on their own.”

“Right,” Buffy said quietly. She bit her lower lip, as she began to re-gauze and bandage his chest. “Spike, what the hell happened to you?” Spike reached up, taking her hand in his for a minute, holding her palm flat against his covered wounds. “You didn’t call. You…you didn’t…”

“I need to hear you say it, pet,” he whispered. “I need to know you mean it before I tell you what I’m about to tell you.”

“Spike…you’re…you’re kinda scaring me.” She blinked a few times, trying to figure out what he was hiding.

“When you said it on the phone, I wanted to come back to you; forget what I was gonna do completely. But I had to…but I…I need you to say it.” The softness of his voice and the vulnerability in his eyes made a lump form in her throat, and she fought to find her voice again.

Swallowing hard, she put her free hand against his cheek, and she leaned in, brushing her lips faintly against his. When she pulled back, she looked right into his eyes, her cheeks blushing a bit, but she didn’t care. She had to get used to saying it aloud.

“Spike, I love you.” He let out a slow breath, afraid to blink as he read her emotions. A small smile curled up on her lips, and she continued to blush. He smiled back, feeling nothing else behind her words except for the truth.

“I love you,” he said with a nod. “I don’t think I would’ve left if you’d said it before…”

“I don’t understand, Spike. Why did you leave?” His eyes searched hers for a second before he looked away. He let go of her hand, and she continued to work on patching him up. “I’m not mad anymore. I’m just…I just need to know why you had to go.” He swallowed hard, trying to find his own words. Finally, he opened his mouth again.

“I wanted to be good for you.”

“You are good for me, Spike.” She crinkled her brows in confusion. What was he getting at?

“I…I wanted to make sure…to be sure…I wanted this for us.”

“Wanted what? I don’t…” Spike placed his hand over hers again.

“Spike…”

“I didn’t know it would hurt, but it…it was worth it.” Buffy shook her head.

“You’re not making any sense. Where’d you get these cuts, Spike? Is that what you’re talking about?”

“I knew going in that I’d be tested.” His voice had the hint of a quiver in it. “I knew if I didn’t pass the tests, I wasn’t worth of…of anything.” She felt a twinge of sadness in her heart. Had he really not felt that he meant so much to her? “But I passed, Buffy. And I got what I came for. I just…I didn’t expect it’d hurt the way it did. Angelus told me about it once. I didn’t really think he was serious. But I could feel them. Every last one of ‘em. I remembered every single person I ever killed, and I could feel the pain.” Buffy’s features changed so slowly as he spoke, but when he looked back into her eyes, they were wide with knowledge.

“Oh my God.” She put down the bandages, her hands suddenly sweating. She rubbed them against her pants, trying to dry them off.

“First I thought I made a mistake. I tried to…I tried to cut it out.”

“Spike…you…”

“But then I thought of you, and the pain wasn’t so bad. I know how it sounds, but that’s how it happened, luv. And the next thing I knew…I was on your doorstep. This is the first time I’ve been able to…to even think about anything else, pet. Seeing your face brought me out of it. I can’t explain what it’s like…”

“Your…you…”

“I can feel it, Buffy. My soul.” Her face turned a bit of a paler shade.

“Why’d you…”

“I don’t figure you’d understand it. But it’s something I had to have. I had to prove to you…I had to prove that I was the kind of man you could love.” She wasn’t sure she could find the words, but she forced them out. The same expression lingering on her face, she took a deep breath.

“You didn’t have to prove that. I already knew.” It hit him then, and he reached out for her hands, squeezing her warm fingers in his cold ones.

“I guess…I just needed to prove it to myself, luv.” He looked down. “I’ve never experienced anything like it, Buffy. I can see all of them. Like pictures in my head.” His voice broke. “They were terrified, and I…I wanted them to be.” Buffy didn’t even bat a lash. Instead, her hand moved back to his covered wounds.

“You wanted to go through all of that just to prove to yourself that I could really love you?”

“Didn’t exactly fancy the pain part, but…yeah.” Buffy blinked a few times before standing up. He was a little stunned by her actions.

“If that wasn’t romantic, I’d punch you in the face.”

“I…what?”

“You know…everybody’s been questioning everything I’ve thought…everything I’ve done since I came back. That’s exactly what you did when you went to Africa.” She knew she shouldn’t be getting mad right now, especially when he had enough on his mind, but she couldn’t help herself. “There’s nothing wrong with me. The only thing that’s different is that I gave up trying to hate you. And when I did that, I fell in love.” She shook her head, as he stood up to face her. “And you couldn’t even see…”

“Buffy,” he muttered, taking her hands in his again. She didn’t pull back, but she didn’t look him in the eye. She looked down at their joined hands. “I knew it was you. I knew nothing was wrong. But I didn’t want to hurt you. I needed to make sure that…that if something ever did go wrong, that I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“The chip.”

“I don’t care about the soddin’ chip, Buffy. I could hurt you in other ways, even if it the chip did fire.” His voice was careful, and she shivered. “I couldn’t let it happen. I wanted to get my soul back, because you’ve had enough pain for three lifetimes.”

“Vampires aren’t supposed to be selfless either,” she muttered. “You scared the hell out of me, Spike.”

“I’m sorry, luv.” He swallowed hard, and he sat back down. She sat down too, now able to look into his eyes again.

“What you did…I don’t know how…”

“I didn’t just do it for you, pet,” he said with a soft smile. “I did it for us. It’s safe to say that now, right?” Buffy couldn’t help but smile, and she leaned in, kissing him again.

“Yeah. I think it’s pretty safe.”

Chapter 19: Help

“Oh my God,” Buffy breathed, as she lay naked, draped over Spike in her bed. “I forgot how good this was.” He nuzzled his nose against her hair, taking in her scent, closing his eyes. “I didn’t…you’re ok, right? I didn’t think that asking you if you’d rather sleep on my bed would result in a trail of clothes down the hall leading my room.” She kicked one of her socks off of the mattress.

“I’m not complaining, pet,” he said breathlessly. She smiled, continuing to lay on him, gently resting her chin in the middle of his chest, as her hand caressed the bandages covering his soon-to-be non-existent wounds. “S’all I could think about when I wasn’t with you.” He wrapped his arms snugly around her. “Don’t know what it is about you, Slayer, but you make this easier.”

“Make what easier?” Spike thought for a moment, letting out a slow breath. Buffy lazily traced circles on the uninjured part of his chest, waiting for his answer.

“When I first started re-living it…feeling what they felt…I wanted to haul myself out into the sun and get it over with. Thought that would make things right, but I can’t ever make up for what I did. I know that. Seeing you…seeing the way you’re looking at me just like now…it helps me.”

“Good,” Buffy said with a nod, patting his cheek. “You didn’t know what was going to happen to you when you were sired. You can’t blame yourself for the things you did before…”

“Can’t I? Up until I got that bloody chip put in my skull, I was still…” He took a deep breath. “We’ve been saying I’m not like other vampires. Not the textbook case. But what if that’s not true? I fell in love with you, sure, but I still craved blood. I even craved the hunt. If I could’ve killed someone…”

“Spike,” Buffy cut him off, “do you still crave blood?”

“Well, yeah. I’m a vampire.”

“Do you want to kill?” Spike furrowed his brows at that question. His own answer surprised him.

“Not really, no.” She could feel him shudder beneath him. “Those dreams were enough to keep me off of that for the rest of my life. It’d be better for everybody if we didn’t switch up my diet. No human blood.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly volunteering any of my friends. Not like you could, Mr. Chippy.”

“That’s Mr. Soul…y…now.” He made a face.

“Yeah, you really should leave the cute names to me,” she teased, moving up to kiss him. “I’m just glad you’re back. Next time you decide to take off to Africa or something like that, tell me.”

“Don’t plan on going anywhere just now, pet.” He smiled at her. When she looked into his eyes, she could see he was still going through an emotional war inside. He probably would be for quite some time.

“So…you really are ok?”

“If you’re asking if I’m going to go off brooding and trying to atone for all the nasty things I did in my past for the rest of eternity, no. Nothing I do is gonna change what happened. Doesn’t make it any less wrong. It’s something I’m gonna have to live with. We’ve all got our demons. Guess I just have a little bit more than most.” He ran his thumb over her lower lip. “I figure I can throw myself into working with you again. We make a good team, don’t we pet?” Buffy nodded.

“Yeah. We do,” she agreed. Despite the fact that she knew she shouldn’t think so, part of her was glad that he wasn’t going to loathe himself for the rest of time for what he’d done. He was a vampire after all. He didn’t have to have a soul at all, but he’d gone for one. That was enough atonement, in her book, and even that was a lot. She sighed, curling her fingers into his hair.

“What is it, pet?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep alone anymore.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “I mean…well, not on the nights you stay over.” Her cheeks blushed.

“Oh. There for a minute I thought you were asking me to move in.” Buffy smiled nervously at that.

“Well, you’re here most of the time anyway,” she explained. “But you’ve got your crypt, and it’s safer there. At least at the crypt you don’t have to worry about somebody accidentally leaving a curtain open or…” He hushed her with a kiss.

“We don’t have to make any plans right now, pet.”

“You’re right,” she nodded. Lame, Buffy. Really lame, she thought to herself. She heard his stomach growl and smiled. “C’mon. Let’s get you some more blood.”

***

It had started off normally. They’d been down in the kitchen. Buffy was picking at part of a double fudge brownie, while Spike nursed a mug of blood. When Buffy had left the room to use the bathroom, Spike’s thoughts had begun to wander, and by the time Buffy returned to the kitchen, he was slumped over on the bench, gripping either side of his head and writhing in pain.

After the pain had stopped, Buffy had helped him into the living room to sit on the couch. His nose was bleeding, and when it had finally stopped, she’d asked him what was wrong. He stared at her, realizing this was a lot more serious than he’d imagined before.

“I was thinking about a girl,” he muttered. “Young thing, about fifteen. It was 1922, and she was walking home from some town social or something.” He closed his eyes, rubbing his temples as the pain throbbed in his head. “I cornered her in an alley. Taunted her for a while.” He winced at the memory, and he caught the same wince in Buffy’s features. “I thought it made the kill more exciting. Fear. I could smell it pouring out of her. Then I snapped her neck.” He groaned a little, the pain intensifying for a minute.

“You…you mean the memory triggered the chip to fire?” Spike nodded weakly.

“Yeah. S’happened before. Just thought it was part of the process of adjusting to the soul and everything. But…it’s getting worse.” Buffy felt that lump growing in her throat again, while a knot twisted tightly in her stomach.

“Ok. Then we have to do something about it.”

“Like what, Buffy? The bloody Initiative is…”

“The Initiative. Riley!” she exclaimed, her eyes brightening. “I can call him.”

“How’re you gonna do that?” he asked, rubbing his temples.

“He left a number I could contact him at…if there’s an emergency.”

“You think it’ll work? You think they’re allowed to just…just send their numbers off for people to reach them? It isn’t that simple, pet.”

“I have to try, Spike,” she encouraged. “Getting your soul back shouldn’t mean you should be in agony like this. I’m guessing whatever happened when you got your soul back triggered a defect. I don’t know the jargon, obviously, but Riley would know someone…”

“Fantastic. My fate’s going to be left up to Captain Cardboard. I should just stake myself now and…”

“Stop that,” Buffy wanted. “Don’t move. I’ll be back.” She headed upstairs to her bedroom and began rummaging through old letters and other pieces of information she’d written down. Somewhere buried between a phone bill and an e-mail account password was the number Riley had scrawled down for her before their breakup. It was an in case of emergency number that someone would always answer.

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the phone and dialed. Two rings later, and a gruff voice picked up.

“Pauly’s Pizza.”

“Pauly?” Buffy asked. “Um…I’m looking for a Riley Finn. Um…he said this number would be…”

“Don’t know a Finn. Sounds like you got the wrong number.”

“Oh, I get it,” Buffy guessed, “this is one of those government cover ups. Oh…wow, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Look, if a guy name Finn comes in…tell him that Buffy called, and there’s a problem with the chip. He’ll know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah, and if you see any pigs flying around, let me know, ‘cause we’re running out of bacon.” The line went dead, and Buffy scoffed.

“Jerk.” She hurried back down the stairs, where Spike was in the throes of what seemed to be another misfiring of the chip.

“Any luck?”

“Pauly the pizza guy needs to learn a few things about customer service.” She frowned, shaking her head and running her fingers through her hair. “We can’t do anything right now, but when the sun goes down, we’ll go out and break in the back way. There’s got to be something there we can use to fix this.”

“Buffy,” Spike murmured, “if it can’t be fixed…”

“We’re not thinking that way.” She tried to sound positive, but she sounded more concerned than anything. “Sit here. I’m gonna give Willow a call and find out if there’s anything I can make you to help with the pain.”

“Pain’s gone now,” he muttered.

“Just in case,” she offered. He nodded, and she headed off to make a telephone call.

***

“This is horrible,” Spike grimaced; taking a slow, second sip of the brew Buffy had made for him.

“Is it helping?” He’d had another episode with the chip just after she’d gotten off the phone with Willow.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “But it tastes like poison.”

“Good thing you’re a vampire and can’t be harmed by anything but pointy wooden stakes or sunlight.” She smiled at him, and if it wouldn’t have hurt his head, he’d have growled at her. “Come on. Drink it down.”

“I’m not a child, you know.”

“You’re stalling.” Spike grumbled something into the cup but drank it down anyway. Buffy got up again and continued pacing. But she was distracted from her thoughts when the doorbell rang. Furrowing her brows, she went over to answer it, and she was surprised to see Xander standing there.

“Xander?”

“Hey, Buffy,” he said quietly. “I, um, I was on the phone with Willow when you called her. She beeped back over…said something sounded wrong. Is everything ok?” Buffy leaned out the door a little, trying to keep it as closed as possible.

“Uh, yeah,” she nodded. “Everything’s great. Just, um, needed a little girl talk.” Xander caught a faint whiff of cologne. She forced a smile, though she wondered why she should even have to. He knew he still wasn’t her favorite person right now.

“Are you sure? We might have some differences right now, but I still care about you, Buffy.”

“I’m fine, Xander. Aren’t you supposed to be at work, anyway?”

“I took a long lunch. Are you gonna let me in?” Buffy cringed inwardly.

“I’m really…I was just getting ready to…”

“What’s going on?” he asked, reading her like a book. Buffy didn’t have time to answer, however, because a loud scream from the living room spoke volumes. “What the…” He brushed past her, barging into the house only to see Spike writhing in pain on the couch. Buffy rushed past Xander and sat down next to Spike.

“What happened?”

“Another memory,” he murmured. “I…it just hit me. It was worse than the last time. I…AHHH!” He gripped either side of his head, and Buffy winced, hating seeing and hearing the pain he was in, when he was normally a very strong individual.

“What’s happening to him?” Xander asked, eyes wide with concern. Buffy felt like spitting out some childish remark like ‘why do you care, or what’s it to you?’ but she couldn’t. Not right now.

“His chip’s misfiring.” She handed Spike the brew that Willow had told her about, and he took another sip.

“Isn’t working,” he groaned.

“Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”

“No…basement. It’s darker,” he groaned. Buffy helped him up, but the pain was so strong that he had trouble holding himself up. But, with her support, the two managed to get down the stairs together, while Xander looked on in shock.

“We’ll figure something out. I’ll call Giles, and…”

“He won’t know a bloody thing,” Spike groaned. “Don’t think ‘Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages’ would be a topic in any of his books.” Buffy frowned.

“You’re right.” Sighing, she stood up angrily. “There has to be something we can do.” A few more back and forth paces, and then, “I’m gonna try to get Riley again.”

“Don’t bother, luv,” he whispered, reaching out and gripping her hand. “Even if you did get through, don’t think he’d wanna help me.”

“I have to do something. I just…” He grabbed his head again, and he gritted his teeth. “I’m gonna go make you some more of that tea. Just try not to…to remember anything else.” She rushed up the steps and into the kitchen, where Xander was standing, awkwardly leaning against the wall. She glanced at him once before gathering up the ingredients for the brew again.

“When’d he get back?”

“Do you really wanna talk about this?” Buffy eyed him suspiciously, wondering why he even cared.

“Buffy…” He didn’t sound ready for a fight, so she decided to go ahead and give him a chance. Though the second he started acting like an ass, she was going to be ready to throw him out.

“He got back last night.”

“Ok. What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know. His chip’s been misfiring. That’s why I called Willow. I needed her help putting something together for his headache. Something that would work on vampires, obviously.”

“Yeah,” Xander said stiffly. “So what’re you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. I tried to call Riley, but I got Pauly’s Pizza instead.” She made a face. “I was gonna take Spike with me after dark, but I think I should go now…go down to where the Initiative was. Maybe I can find something.”

“Go alone?”

“Well, why not? Spike’s probably better off resting.”

“I could go with you.”

“Why would you wanna do that? Why would you want anything to do with helping Spike?”

“Damn it, Buffy, I’m trying here.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s gonna take a lot more than that. You have no idea how much of a jerk you’ve been to me. To a lot of people, actually. You used to be one of my closest friends, but I guess the moment I start having a life separate from our little group of friends, all of my actions are…are what? Subject to your stupid jabs at my expense? Some friend.” She crossed her arms and glared at him, feeling her cheeks growing hot with anger.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the things I said. I just know you can do a lot better than Spike, and…”

“I don’t want anybody else. You could parade the nicest guy on the planet around in front of me, and I wouldn’t care. I don’t want anybody else. You don’t get that.”

“He’s not good for you, Buffy.”

“That’s not for you to decide.” A knock at the door was music to Buffy’s ears, and she brushed past Xander to answer it. The man standing before her was unfamiliar, but something about the way he stood reminded her of how stiff and straight-laced the Initiative soldiers had been. “Uh…can I help you?”

“Miss Summers?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m Agent Cooper. I’m here about Hostile 17.”

Chapter 20: The Choice

“Uh….that was fast.”

“Agent Finn left a few of us behind in case you ever needed us.”

“Uh…ok.” Despite the situation, she couldn’t help but a.) be creeped out by the fact that her ex was keeping tabs on her and b.) be pissed that now she knew he knew she’d died and come back and hadn’t so much as heard a word from him. “Doesn’t explain how fast you got here. I didn’t call him even an hour ago.”

“Agent Finn keeps you at the top of his priority list…even if…uh…Ass Face is involved.” Buffy heard a snicker from Xander in the kitchen.

“Well, be sure to thank Agent Finn for me,” Buffy started, “but tell him he doesn’t need to look after me anymore.”

“I’ll relay that message, Miss Summers.” He held up a kit. “Where’s Hostile 17?”

“Um, Spike is in the basement. I’ll lead the way.” Agent Cooper stepped inside, and Buffy, still a bit dazed by the suddenness, closed the door after him and lead him into the kitchen, avoiding Xander’s gaze at the same time.

As she reached the basement door, Buffy blocked it, turning to face the agent.

“Just to be on the safe side,” she warned, “if you do anything to make him worse, I’m going to send you back to your boss with a missing limb or two. You got that?”

“I’m only here to examine the chip, Miss Summers,” he said with a nod. “Besides, Agent Finn gave the same instructions. Hostile 17 is not to be harmed in anyway unless necessary.”

“Unless necessary? What does that mean, exactly?” The agent didn’t budge. Spike screamed from the basement.

“We should hurry,” he urged. “Please let me through.” Buffy caved and moved out of the way, letting the agent through. But, she followed quickly after him, and Xander was right behind her.

***

After a few scans with some durable-looking wand that could pass for a metal detector, Agent Cooper finished his assessment, and after he stepped out of earshot to make a phone call, he returned to deliver the news.

Buffy was sitting on the cot next to Spike, who was leaning against the wall, his gaze looking distant. Xander stood silently in the corner, wondering what was going on.

“I’ve talked to Agent Finn, and he told me that whatever you decide to do about Hostile 17, I should follow those orders.”

“Orders? You mean, I’m in charge of what happens to him?”

“Yes,” Agent Cooper said with a firm nod. Buffy glanced at Spike, who seemed to be in another place entirely, and then she looked back at the stranger.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Something must have happened to offset the function of the chip. Now, I can either repair it, or I can remove it completely.” Buffy looked at Spike, who didn’t seem to have heard.

“Remove it? Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Xander spoke up. “Why don’t we line our friends up right now, yank that sucker out, and let him have a taste.”

“Xander, shut up.”

“You aren’t seriously considering taking out the chip?” Buffy looked at Agent Cooper, at Spike, and then back at Xander.

“I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” Xander’s jaw dropped.

“Maybe screwing vampires makes you foggy in the head, because I clearly remember him biting anyone he cared to before he got that chip put in his brain.”

“It’s different now.”

“What? Because you’re fucking him?”

“Shut up, Xander!” Buffy yelled. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“He’s right, pet,” Spike suddenly spoke up. He even sounded distant.

“No he isn’t,” Buffy demanded.

“We don’t know what’d happen if…”

“See, even a vampire has more sense than you, Buffy.” Buffy clenched her fists at her sides.

“Get out.”

“No. I’m not letting you let them take it out.”

“You don’t have any say here, Xander,” Buffy warned.

“I do have a say. I have a say as to whether or not my friend keeps all her blood inside of her body and out of the mouth of a bloodsucking fiend.” Buffy started toward Xander, but Spike reached out, taking her hand and gently tugging her back down to the cot.

“Take it out,” she said up to Agent Cooper without missing a beat.

“Don’t listen to her,” Xander urged. “She’s blind by what she thinks is love.”

“My orders are to follow Miss Summers’ orders over Hostile 17.”

“It’s alright, luv,” Spike murmured. “It might be better off…”

“No. I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. You have a soul, Spike. That’s going to keep you from hurting anybody.”

“He has awhat now?” Xander’s jaw had dropped a little more. Buffy let out a hot breath.

“That’s where he went. He went to Africa and got his soul back.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Spike pointed out. “He doesn’t understand.”

“You’re right. I don’t,” Xander replied. “Why did he…”

“That’s personal,” Buffy explained. “You wouldn’t understand, like Spike said.” Xander shook his head.

“Alright. So he has a soul. How do you know that’ll keep him from killing? Humans have souls, but that doesn’t stop them from murdering each other. He’s not a human. He’s a demon.” Spike let out a loud groan, gripping his head again, shuddering and grinding his teeth to stop from screaming. Shaking her head, Buffy stood up.

“That thing’s killing him, and I don’t want to risk this happening again when there isn’t anyone around to help.” She looked right into Agent Cooper’s eyes and gave him a nod. “Take it out.”

“Yes, Miss Summers.” Buffy caught his arm as he started to open up his case of instruments. “Is there something else?”

“Yeah. If anything happens to him…” Her tone was warning enough. He held up a hand.

“Understood, Miss Summers. This will only take a few minutes. You’re free to stay.” Buffy nodded but looked at Xander.

“You get out.”

“Buff…”

“I understand you want to protect me as a friend, but all you’re doing is pissing me off. So leave. I’m not ready to talk to you right now.” Opening his mouth to speak again, but deciding against it, Xander just gave her an understanding nod and headed up the stairs, leaving against his strong desire to stay and observe just in case.

***

A few hours later, Spike woke with a hell of a headache. But, the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was her face looking down at him. Her eyes were full of concern, but she showed no trace of fear at all. That made him happy, because it meant that the commando hadn’t “accidentally” killed him on behalf of Captain Cardboard, and it also meant that she wasn’t worried that he might spring up and kill someone without a moment’s notice.

When he thought about his own thirst, his stomach rumbled, but the only taste he desire was that of whatever blood might come from Buffy’s fridge, whether it be cow’s blood or a sodding pigeon, it was all the same to him. The thought of human blood that had once made a fire course through his veins and his mouth water, now made his stomach twist into knots and the guilt return.

He smelled warm blood almost as soon as he was fully conscious, and he slowly sat up, his hand moving to the back of his head.

“You heal fast,” she remarked, “but I thought a scalpel poking around in your brain might take longer to heal. When he was done, all he had to do was put some gauze and a bandage back there.” Spike could feel the scratchy material on the back of his head. “Here. Warmed this up for you.”

“What is it?”

“Cow this time. Ran out of pig.”

“I’ll take it,” he muttered, as she placed the warm mug in his hands. He drank it down in seconds and then placed the mug down on the floor. “You think this was a good idea, luv?” He motioned toward his head.

“Well, let’s see.” She moved closer to him, pulling her hair away from his neck and running her fingers along her pulse point. “Do you want to bite me?”

“Would be lying if I said no,” he managed to joke. “But I don’t want to eat you, if that’s what you’re asking. At least…not in that way.”

“Well, see? You made it through step one. Not eating the girlfriend. Let’s see how you do with your girlfriend’s sister. She’ll be home soon.”

“You sure you want to do that? What if…”

“Spike, you might have been a vampire for a long time, but you’ve been a chipped vampire for what? Two years? All you’ve had is animal blood. Now you have a soul.”

“It doesn’t make me hungry…thinking about human blood. Doesn’t get me going the way it used to.”

“That’s the soul talking, sweetie.” She paused, furrowing her brows and looking at him, as his own eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“You called me sweetie.”

“Yeah, the pet names don’t work so much when I say them, do they?” She reached out, taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers together. “You’re not gonna hurt me. You’re not gonna hurt anybody I care about.”

“Still, to be on the safe side, I think it might be best if you don’t leave me alone with anyone for a few days.”

“I can do that,” she assured him with a nod. “But I really don’t think…”

“Well, even if I’m not tempted to feed, I might be tempted to hit the whelp.” He motioned toward the door Xander had existed a few hours prior. “And I might hit him a little too hard, if you know what I mean.”

“Ah. Well, you’d be second in line. He needs to grow up.”

“He does care about you, pet.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t care that I love you. Well, he cares in the bad way. He hates it. I can’t help the way I feel, and he just needs to accept it and move on.” She rested her head on his shoulder and let out a content little sigh. “I’m happy, and I know exactly what I want.”

***

“Can you tell me what year it is, Ms. Mullens?” Quentin asked, as he sat across from Dana in a large, bright room. She sat with shackles around her wrists and ankles. He was only answered by a few nonsense words. She wouldn’t look him in the eye. “You’ve been having nightmares, haven’t you? Vivid dreams? About demons. Bloodsuckers. Vampires.” Dana winced, shrinking back in her chair.

“Yellow eyes,” she murmured.

“Yes. That’s right.”

“Darkness. Dead.”

“Yes, Dana. Vampires. The undead.”

“Evil. Wr…wrong.” Her fingers flexed, as if she was trying to claw at something. Judging by the faded scars on her arms, she was trying to hurt herself.

“Dana, do you know why you’re in prison?” She flinched away again. “You were tried and convicted of murder and sent to a women’s prison. Do you remember that?” Dana didn’t answer. She just fixed her gaze to a spot on the table, and she didn’t look up. “You went into a sort of catatonia for a while, but last May, you came out of it. Do you remember that?”

“Demons.”

“Yes. That’s when the dreams started, yes?” She was shaking now. “Dana. You were called upon. You were Chosen. These dreams can only be seen by a slayer. That’s what you are, Dana.” Dana shrunk back a little more, jerking at her wrist shackles. “We would like to try another experiment that may make you more focused. More able to be rehabilitated, trained, molded into a champion of the people.” Anything would be better than having to exterminate a slayer. She was called on for a reason, and Travers knew that even he didn’t have the power to say who got called and when.

“Bad. Killer.”

“Yes, Dana. What you did was wrong, but you’re not the same woman you were when you committed those murders.”

“Guards...”

“Yes. You did that after you were called, but you had no idea of your strength. We can train you.”

“Mr. Travers, could I speak with you please?” A male voice on the intercom grated at Travers’ nerves. “Well, you think about that, Dana, and I’ll go speak with your doctor.” Quentin stepped out of the room, and Dana looked around, seeing nobody near, but knowing there were eyes on her. But, she was overtaken by a primal force, a fear of being caged like an animal. Her body began to shake again, and she began to pull desperately at her shackles, feeling pain coursing through her as the metal dug into her skin.

She began to scream. It was a wild, animalistic sound, and when she heard the clanging of steel doors, she felt helpless. She heard the marching of expensive boots against the bright, blinding white linoleum, and she closed her eyes, her head pounding.

“Kill. Evil. Bad. No. Hurt…” She began to whimper, her head down on the table. The guards came in, armed and ready for any stunt she might pull.

“We’re taking you back to your cell now,” the younger one said warily. He began to undo her chains from the table restraints, trying to keep in mind that she was still restrained without the help of the table. “Get her feet, will you?”

The other guard did as his co-worker asked, and the moment Dana was free of the table, they began to march her toward the doors.

“Dust to dust,” she muttered.

“Quiet,” the older guard snapped. She began to mutter incoherently, and he couldn’t help but lean forward to try and understand her better. But, just as he did that, her arms came up, trapping him between her and the steel links of her shackle chains. He groaned in pain, as she squeezed the chain around his neck.

“Oi! Let him go!” the young guard yelled, cocking his gun and pointing it right at him. She turned slowly, staring him right in the face, her eyes wild, almost black, as she listened to the strangled breaths of her prey.

“Evil…”

“No! No…we’re just doing our jobs, miss,” the guard reasoned. But she closed her eyes, squeezing harder until she heard the neck snap under the pressure. The gun fired, but obviously the young guard was a bad shot, because without opening her eyes, the wild Slayer lunged at him, pushing him down onto the floor, taking control of his gun and emptying a shot into his belly. He screamed, as he tried to struggle for the gun. Alarms began to blare somewhere close. The coppery scented blood invaded her nostrils, and she realized that this must be what vampires smell right before they finish off their prey.

She saw something shiny glinting in his blood soaked hand, and she reached for it. It was a round keychain, her chance for freedom. Grabbing the keys and the gun, she made a run for it, letting her senses take over, somehow not fearing the alternative to an escape.

***

Buffy shot up in bed, gasping for breath as she focused on the clock. Three-thirty. She rubbed her temples, her head pounding from the dream. Something was wrong. This was the first time in so long that her dream had been so vivid that she could experience nearly every sensation in the dream. Whoever she was in the dream, she was wild. She was using her senses to guide her. She’d been the wild creature, and the feeling was more disturbing than she could have imagined.

Looking over at Spike, who seemed to be completely worn out from the procedure hours earlier, she decided not to wake him just yet. Instead, she pulled herself out of bed and hurried down into the living room, stumbling toward the inn table.

She immediately reached for the phone and for the pad of paper next to it. She dialed Giles’ number to his flat in London, hoping he’d be home. After two rings, she was greeted by a calm “Hello?”

“Giles,” she gasped, “it’s me.”

“Buffy?” he asked, alarmed, his mind immediately going to Spike, wondering if the animal had gone too far with her this time. “What’s happened?”

“I had…I had a dream. A Slayer dream.” There was a pause, a clearing of a throat, and she heard him fumbling for something, probably a pad of paper.

“Listen to me carefully, Buffy. I need you to describe that dream to me in as much detail as you can, alright? I’ll start researching as soon as I’ve visited with Willow.”

“I think you might wanna start now. Something’s wrong. And I think it’s closer to you than it is to me.”

***

Thirty minutes later, Buffy was strumming her fingers impatiently against the couch cushion, waiting for Giles to return to the phone. He’d put her on hold to call Quentin Travers, one of Buffy’s least favorite people in the world. Travers was trying to do his job, yes, but it didn’t help his likability factor any when he put her and her friends lives in danger.

The line clicked, and she heard Giles voice, this time filled with a little more anxiety.

“I’ve just spoke with Mr. Travers. He was quite helpful.”

“Him? Helpful? Giles, this must be bad.”

“I’m afraid so,” he muttered. “It seems there has been another Slayer called into action.”

“Oh,” Buffy said slowly. “And…”

“She’s the woman in your dream. She escaped the Council’s headquarters today. She was an inmate, charged with murder and serving multiple life sentences. She was there when you died, Buffy. She’s out of control, and I’m afraid she’s escaped...” Buffy felt her stomach twist into knots.

“What should I do?”

“I can’t imagine she’ll be stable enough to leave the country right now, Buffy. The Council’s got some very skilled people in its employ, and they’re out searching for her right now. Try not to worry, Buffy. I’m going to help them. I’ll call you as soon as I’ve heard anything.”

“Thanks. And…and, Giles? Be careful.”

“Yes. I will. Take care.” Buffy hung up, and she rested her head in her hands. She was so focused on thinking about that dream that she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching her. She jumped at the feel of his cool hand on her shoulders.

“Oh!”

“What happened?” Buffy moved over on the couch for him to sit down next to her.

“I guess another slayer was called when I died. Problem is that she was in prison for murder. And she’s escaped.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I had a dream. I called Giles and he contacted the Council. I guess they were in control of her, and she escaped from them today.”

“What should we do?”

“Giles doesn’t think she’ll leave the country, so he’s not too worried about what we do. I feel like I should do something.”

“Right now, sounds like they don’t need you. Don’t worry, pet. I’m sure they’ll take care of it.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right.” She wasn’t convinced, but it wasn’t like she could just take off for London without much money to her name, and with Dawn to look after.

“Come on. Let’s go back to bed.” He rubbed the back of his head, where the bandage was starting to bother him.

“How’s your head?”

“Much better without that sodding thing in there.” Buffy nodded slowly, and she yawned. “It’ll be even better after a few more hours of sleep.”

“Ok. You’re right. Sleep first…think later.” They stood up, and Spike took her hand, leading her back up to her bedroom, as she tried to push the new piece of information to the back of her mind, at least until morning when she could think about it more clearly.

Chapter 21: Plans

The phone hand rung at eight, and it had been Giles on the line, calling to say that Dana had been captured just a few miles from the Council’s headquarters. Despite her strength, her body hadn’t been trained for the chase. However, Giles was certain that if she were to escape again, they might not be able to catch her.

“So, everything’s alright?”

“For now, yes. I’m going to be observing her. Quentin Travers seems to believe that she can be rehabilitated.”

“Are you kidding me?” Buffy asked. “She was in prison before she was called. And look at what she did just trying to escape.”

“Yes, I agree with you, but I’d feel better if I was in on this particular case,” Giles explained. “I don’t trust that they’ll be able to contain her.”

“Giles,” Buffy said quietly, “she’s strong. I could feel that strength in my dream. If she does escape again, promise me you’ll stay out of her way. She’s getting stronger every day, and if she…”

“I’ll take every precaution, Buffy. There’s nothing for you to worry about. This is all under control.”

“Call me if…if it gets out of control, ok, Giles?”

“Of course. How…how is everything in Sunnydale?”

“Good. Dawn’s grades are fine, and Anya’s still planning the wedding. I…I’m gonna have to go out and get a job soon, but we’re still ok for right now.”

“And Spike?” Buffy chewed her bottom lip for a moment. There really was no use in telling him about the chip extraction or the soul right now. He’d only jump to conclusions and come back on the next plane, and right now, he was needed in London.

“Like I said…everything’s fine.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” He didn’t sound convinced.

“Good. How’s Willow?”

“She’s doing remarkably well. She may be coming home sooner than expected.”

“Well, she’s always welcome back here. I just hope she and Tara can work things out.” She cleared her throat when she heard Spike stirring upstairs. “I have to go. Thanks for calling, Giles. Keep me up to date.” She hung up and started toward the stairs, but before she even made it to the hallway, the phone rang again, startling her. Furrowing her brows, she picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Miss Summers?”

“Which one?”

“I’m looking for Buffy Summers.”

“That’s me. Who is this?”

“Miss Summers, this is Quentin Travers.”

“Oh,” Buffy muttered.

“I understand your feelings toward the Council, so I wouldn’t be calling you unless this was urgent.”

“I just talked to Giles. He said you caught that Dana girl.”

“Yes, we captured her again, but Miss Summers, she’s growing stronger.”

“He also told me that. What’s this have to do with me?”

“We’ve been informed that you’re running out of money, what with the problems your recent death and then resurrection caused.”

“You’re…offering me a job?”

“Yes.” Buffy sighed. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was about time to really start looking for a job, she’d have probably hung up on him.

“Look, I don’t know what it is you want from me, but…”

“Miss Summers, you know as well as anyone at the Council that becoming a Slayer changes who you are.”

“Well, sure.”

“It changes your priorities.”

“Whoa. No, no. Only if you want them to change. Believe me, when I was called, I didn’t really want anything to do with the whole slaying thing. There are times, even now, when I’d really just like to give it up.”

“Well, we at the Council…”

“And I’m guessing this isn’t going to include Giles?”

“We believe that we’re making remarkable progress with Ms. Mullens.”

“Yes, and that was demonstrated when she broke out. I don’t know what you’re trying to sell me, but…”

“We will pay you and take care of your expenses if you’ll fly to London and work with her.”

“Work with a convicted murderer?” Buffy asked. “No thanks. If you ask me, she’s better off behind bars…like Faith. Actually, Faith looks like a sane, ‘wouldn’t-hurt-a-flea’ type compared to this girl.”

“Ms. Summers, surely you can understand. You are associated with a vampire, are you not?”

“That’s different. He didn’t have a choice. She’s human. She had a choice when it came to killing people. She chose murder.”

“Ms. Summers, if we can rehabilitate her…”

“Some people are beyond saving, Mr. Travers. I would help if I didn’t have people I cared about who could get hurt. You don’t know what it feels like to have the power of a Slayer. I do. I know what’s running through her head right now. But I don’t know what it’s like to be criminally insane. It’s not a combination I’d like to see up close and personal.”

“I wish you would re-consider.”

“Sorry, but I can’t help you.” Buffy hung up the phone. She felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. She knew she should try to help the situation, but trying to help the Council rehabilitate this woman and try to get her out there as a Slayer? There was no way that could ever be a good idea. From the way Giles talked, she was far less lucid than Faith, who was pretty brutal for quite a while. No, the only good that could come out of this situation would be if the Council kept the new slayer under lock and key for the rest of her life.

“Hey,” came a familiar voice right next to her ear. Buffy jumped and turned around quickly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, pet.”

“It’s alright,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “Giles called. Dana’s been captured, but she’s getting stronger. Quentin Travers called and offered me a job to help them rehabilitate her. Try to make her into a good Slayer.” Spike raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah? And what’d you say?”

“I told him no, of course. She’s in prison for murder. There’s no way she can be helped.” Spike nodded slowly.

“You think she can’t be…”

“Spike, the woman was in prison for murder. She could barely communicate before I died and made her a slayer. She’s having the dreams, and her strength is growing, but she doesn’t know how to use it. And she’s already made a mess over there. If I went over there…no…I couldn’t do it. She can’t be helped.”

“You think so?” Buffy heard the tone of his voice, and she shrugged her shoulders.

“The man you were before Dru turned you…you never would have hurt anyone, would you?” Spike chuckled, shaking his head.

“I dunno, pet. I don’t think I could have, but I certainly thought about it from time to time. Bunch of pillocks didn’t know poetry…” He muttered a few more choice words under his breath.

“When Dru turned you…you lost that part of you that chooses from right and wrong…and you lived without it for a long time. Until you met me, apparently.”

“Until I got the chip, luv. I stopped caring about the kill after that, though. Focused more on you. Wanting to do right for you.” He shrugged slightly.

“And you made a choice to get your soul back. Dana…she made a choice, with her soul intact, to kill people, and she went to prison for it. Can you imagine what a woman like that could do with the strength and speed of a Slayer?” She shuddered a little. “I can’t help her, Spike. If it was anyone else who didn’t have her track record…maybe.”

“Even Faith?” Buffy glared at him for a minute. “Sorry, sore subject.”

“It’s ok. You know what? Giles said not to worry about it, so I’m not gonna. So I’m all yours today. What do you wanna do?” Spike wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she rolled her eyes.

“Headaches?”

“Not really.”

“Not really means yes. So, until you’re feeling one hundred percent, you’re resting.”

“Oh, come on, pet!” Spike urged, pulling her into his arms. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do!” she said with a defiant nod. “You heal fast. You can deal, right?” Spike muttered something under his breath, and Buffy stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. “You can pick out the movie. Make it as gross as you want.” Spike sighed.

“Suppose that’ll do for now, Slayer,” he challenged. She tried to wiggle out of his arms, but he held her firmly against him, trailing his lips down her neck expertly, until he could feel her trembling in his arms. Then, he forced himself away from her, knowing he’d got her going. Now, she was gonna be just as miserable as he was. “I’ll go pick out that movie now.” He left her standing in the middle of the living room, knees weak, heart pounding, a pool of heat starting to form between her legs.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that!” she called, hurrying to catch up with him.

***

Giles paced back and forth in Dana’s room. This was his first chance to see the girl, and she was strapped down to her bed with extra restraints this time. Only she wasn’t struggling. She’d been given something to relax her, and she lay there following him around the room with her gaze.

“Can you tell me your name?” Giles asked slowly. Dana hesitated and then nodded. “Go on.”

“Dana. D…Dana Mullens.” He double checked her chart.

“Very good. How old are you, Dana?”

“E…eighteen? No…nineteen.”

“Yes. Very good. And do you know why you’re here?” Dana looked around as best she could with the strap secured around her forehead. “Do you know why you were in prison?” Dana started to shake under the restraints.

“Because I’m bad,” she breathed. Giles pulled a chair closer to Dana’s bed and sat down.

“Tell me if you recognize these names: Travis Elderton, Jessica Monroe, Eric Lyons.” She began to shake.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“How do you know them, Dana?”

“I killed them.” She closed her eyes, beginning to struggle against the restraints.

“That’s why you were in prison, Dana.” Giles cleared his throat. “How about Jason Ellis, Michael Knight, and David Finster?” Dana didn’t flinch. “Do you know those names, Dana?”

“No,” she murmured as she continued to tremble.

“They were guards that you…”

“They were bad. They were going to hurt me.” She shivered, and Giles stood up. “Demons. Demons…” She was losing focus.

“Dana. Dana, look at me.” Dana wouldn’t look at him. She was no longer lucid, and after a few minutes of waiting to see if he could get her to speak again, Giles left the room and stood with Mr. Travers.

“That’s as lucid as we’ve seen her so far,” he said with amazement. “She’s never even batted an eyelash when we ask her about the people she’s killed.”

“Did you see the fear in her?” Giles asked. “Something has that girl truly frightened, and I don’t think it has anything to do with her dreams. I think it has to do with the murders.”

“She was convicted, Giles,” Quentin said with a nod. “She did commit the crime, but when they found her, all she could say was that she killed them. She didn’t give them an alibi.”

“You think she killed them to protect herself?”

“Unless we can get the medication just right so we can keep her permanently lucid, we might never know. I needed you to see her for yourself. Tell me you’ll stay. You’ll help her.” Giles looked back at the helpless young woman who was now trembling as God knows what ran through her head.

“If you can find a way to make her permanently lucid, I may be able to help you. Right now, I have a Slayer of my own to get back to.”

“I thought she wasn’t your Slayer anymore. Thought she didn’t need a Watcher.” Giles gritted his teeth.

“Keep in touch, Mr. Travers.” He turned and walked out, leaving the council to update Buffy on Dana’s condition.

***

“So she’s becoming more stable?” Buffy asked, as she tried to bite back a giggle. She was lying naked on the living room floor, and Spike was tickling her sides and nibbling on her ear. “Oh. God...I mean…good! Good…uh. Yeah. Thanks for calling, Giles. Oh! Um…no. No, I just…uh, I dropped something.” Spike’s wandering fingers moved lower, caressing her thighs. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the images as she talked to Giles. “OK. Yeah. Willow? She’s ok…uh…good. Good. Umm…ahhh…huh? No. Nothing’s wrong. No, I’m just, uh…sorry, there’s a…” She went silent. “What? No!” His fingers got a little more curious and he slipped one inside of her, and she gasped for breath. “Spike!” Shit. “Uh…Spike! Don’t touch that. The glue’s still drying.” Spike furrowed his brows and she shrugged at him. “Listen, Giles, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, ok?” She hung up and reached over to slap him hard on the chest. “What the Hell?!”

“The glue’s still drying?”

“What? I had to think fast. I thought it was pretty good, myself.” He rolled to his side, pinning one of her legs under his own. He raked his gaze over her body, letting one hand follow. He caressed his way down her breast and her side and he stopped at her thigh, gently kneading the flesh there. She moaned softly, leaning into him, pressing her lips against his. “Mmm….so much for being careful.”

“S’worth it, pet. It’s much better than watching movies all day.” She pressed against him a little bit more, the closeness and the brief contact enough to harden him a little bit once again. ‘Speaking of…shall we have another go…or is the glue still drying.” Buffy burst out laughing, and rolled away from him, covering her face, as he moved over her, burying his face against his shoulder, chuckling softly as her arms wove around him. He finally pulled back to look into her eyes, brushing the hair from her face. “S’alright. You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.”

“C’mere,” she whispered, pulling him down against her and straining upward to capture his lips with hers. With a sigh, she pulled back, looking curiously into his eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking…Christmas is coming up.” Spike thought for a moment.

“Yeah. I guess it is. Anything you want?”

“Not really. Unless world peace counts,” she muttered.

“Oh, but then it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting, would it? No big bads to take out your aggression on. Of course, all that energy could be put into something else.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, trailing his fingertips up and down her thigh.

“I was actually thinking we’d have the house to ourselves.”

“How do you figure?”

“Dawn’s going to visit Dad, and Tara’s going to London to visit Willow.” Spike furrowed his eyebrows.

“When’d this happen?”

“A few days before you got back. Tara’s taking our presents to Willow. They might have problems, but she doesn’t want Willow to feel totally isolated at Christmas.” She cleared her throat. “As for Dawn visiting Dad…he’s finally back in the country. She apologized for not being around. She seemed to buy his excuses for not being there when Mom died. Thankfully, he never heard about me dying, because that’s one awkward conversation I don’t want to have. ‘Hey Dad, I died, but don’t worry, I’m alive again.’”

“Good point,” Spike said with a nod. “So she wants to go, huh?”

“I think it’s more that she feels obligated. Plus, she doesn’t want to be the one to say she didn’t try to have a relationship with him when it doesn’t work out. My Dad’s got too much going on.” She sighed.

“What is it?”

“When I was about five or six, Mom was pregnant with Dawn. I got up in the middle of the night to get something to drink, and I heard them arguing. Dad said he never wanted kids, and she told him he could leave. Of course, he didn’t. He said he loved me too much to go. It’s just that he never expected to have another one.”

“Dawn doesn’t know about that, does she?”

“God, no,” Buffy murmured. “I mean, Dad loved her. You could tell. It’s just that after the divorce, he got a life, and he was too busy for us anymore. He doesn’t exactly have the best dad gene, you know?”

“Not everybody’s cut out to be a dad. My pop wasn’t, that’s for sure.” Spike’s voice was low and the tone he used showed his obvious uncertainty about even talking about the subject, so Buffy just kissed him again.

“Well, he invited me, but I said I had other plans.”

“Why don’t you go? Spend some time with him.” Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“Because I’d rather spend time alone with you.”

“But don’t you think you’d feel better if you had a chance to talk to your Dad?” Buffy sighed, her hand caressing the side of his face.

“You know what?” Her hand began to trail downward.

“What?”

“I don’t wanna talk about family right now,” she whispered, her hand disappearing between them. He stiffened when her hand encircled his cock. “Do you?” Well, she had him. When he said nothing, she pulled him back down for another kiss, and all conversation was forgotten.

Chapter 22: Phone Call

“Maybe I was wrong,” Buffy mused, as she and Spike sat together on the couch watching TV. Dawn was expected home any minute now.

“Wrong about what, luv?” His arm was wrapped around her shoulders, and she was leaning against him.

“Dana.”

“What about her?”

“Maybe they do need my help.”

“You’re saying you want to go to London?”

“No,” Buffy muttered. “I’ve just been thinking about it. All those years I thought of you as…as a machine. A killer. I didn’t let myself look past that.”

“I was a killer, pet.”

“Yeah. But there were reasons. There are always reasons. I didn’t even think about that when I told Mr. Travers I wouldn’t take the job.”

“They’ve got it under control, pet. Don’t worry about it.”

“What’s wrong with me?” She turned in Spike’s arms to look at him. “I’m the Slayer. Yeah, my job is to protect the world from demons and vampires. I’m supposed to help people. Even if those people are warped Slayers.” She sighed, shaking her head.

“Giles doesn’t even want you there, pet. Maybe he’s not officially your watcher anymore, but he’s probably right. I’m sure if it gets out of hand you’ll hear from him.”

“Being the Slayer sucks, you know? Just thinking about seeing that girl…it gives me the wiggins. Being her in that dream was bad enough.” Taking a deep breath, she shrugged. “But, I’m the Slayer. I can’t exactly turn my back on something that’s happening to another person who didn’t ask for this. Next time somebody from the Council asks me to help with her, I think I’m gonna do it.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“No. But if I didn’t help, and something happened to Giles or…or anybody in her way, for that matter…no. If they call again, I’ll know they need me. Right now, I trust Giles. I won’t worry until he worries.”

“So, you’re worried about regretting doing something while you have the chance?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” She watched him pick up the phone. “What?”

“If you don’t talk to him, Buffy, you might regret it one day.”

“No! I’m not talking to him, Spike. He’s…he’s…”

“He’s your dad. He might be a lot of other things, but he’s still that.” Buffy frowned.

“What about having the house to ourselves?”

“We’ll have other chances. I’m not saying I wouldn’t love the chance to have you naked for days on end, but you won’t have a good time staying home, knowing you probably should’ve gone.” Buffy frowned deeper, taking the phone.

“Fine. I’ll call him. But if I’m going, you’re going too.” Before Spike had the chance to respond, Buffy had the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” Hank Summers asked as he picked up.

“Um…hey…Dad. It’s me. Buffy.”

“Oh! Buffy…hi! How are you?”

“I’m ok. Uh, I was just calling to make sure that it’s still ok for Dawn to come visit.”

“Sure. Sure, it’s fine. It’ll be good to have her here.”

“Yeah. About that. I was…um, I guess I was just wondering if you’d care if maybe…maybe I came too.” She didn’t feel like a twenty-year-old woman. She felt more like a ten-year-old little girl afraid to bother her busy father in his office.

“Oh. Well, yeah, that’d be great, Buffy. It’d be nice to have both of my girls here. I thought you had plans for Christmas, though.”

“Um…” She glanced at Spike, almost accusingly. “Well, not anymore. I thought I’d bring my boyfriend with me if that’s ok.”

“Your boyfriend? Dawn mentioned you were seeing someone. Some…Pike…”

“Spike,” Buffy corrected. “His name’s William, but everyone calls him Spike.”

“Well, I’d like to meet him. Uh…I’ve only got two extra rooms.”

“That’s ok, Dad. I’m twenty, remember?”

“Right. Of course. We’ll have a great time. I can’t wait to see you girls again.”

“Yeah. O…ok. Well, I have to go. I’ll see you next week.”

“Next week, then. Bye.”

“Bye.” Buffy handed the phone back to Spike, and he hung it up for her. He cocked his head to the side. “What?”

“What exactly do you plan on telling him when I keep making excuses for why we need a dark room with heavy, dark curtains? Or when I don’t go outside in the daytime?”

“I’ll tell him you get migraines,” she said with a shrug. “Believe me. I lied about things up until I was fifteen, and he never caught on. My dad’s not a hard one to fool.”

“Must’ve been torture for you not getting away with things when you lived with your Mum.”

“Well, she didn’t figure out about the Slayer thing on her own, did she? I was pretty good at hiding that. Keeping out of trouble, on the other hand…”

“I’m home!” Dawn called, before the door was even all the way open. She’d started doing that nearly every day, just in case she was to walk in on a situation she really didn’t want to see.

“We’re in here, Dawnie,” Buffy called out. Dawn stepped into the living room, throwing her book bag into the corner chair.

“Hey guys.”

“How was school?”

“You know. Same old same old.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.”

“What’d you guys do today? Wait. What did you guys do in the last…five minutes? That’s safe to ask, right?” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“I actually talked to Dad.” Dawn raised her eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I asked if he’d mind if I came with you at Christmas.”

“You’re coming with me? Oh, thank God!” Dawn exclaimed. “I was tempted to fake being sick so I didn’t have to go alone.”

“And Spike’s coming too.” Dawn’s lips curled up into an amused smile, and then she let out a little laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Spike wondered.

“Oh, this is gonna be awesome. I can’t wait until Dad gets a load of you.” Spike stood up, crossing his arms across his chest.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Dawn laughed, gulping for breath, waving her hands in front of her face. “Oh. I can just see the look on his face when Buffy comes through the door with you. He’s probably expecting something like…well, the preppy losers you used to date. I mean, Angel was lame, and he was a vampire. And Riley. Oh God. Don’t get me started on the guys before we moved to…”

“Ok, that’s enough, Dawnie! Thanks,” Buffy warned.

“Sorry,” Dawn snorted. “It’s just that Dad definitely won’t be expecting him. I mean, bleach blonde hair, pale, pale skin, dresses all in black.”

“Well, I like him, and that’s what matters.” She smiled and turned to Spike. “You just have to avoid sunlight and any sort of confrontation with my dad, and you’ll be fine.”

“Let’s see, sunny L.A., staying inside all day with a man I barely know? Piece of cake.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there. I won’t leave you alone in the house with him.”

“Good idea,” Dawn said with a nod. “’Cause if he’s anything like he was with your date to the seventh grade dance, Spike might end up biting him.”

“Not making me feel any better here, Nibblet,” Spike said with a sigh. “Guess I ought to make arrangements for someone to look after my crypt.”

“You’re actually hiring a crypt keeper?” Dawn asked with a giggle.

“Well, yeah. Who else would I hire?”

“I don’t know. I…” She looked up at the clock. “Oh, crap! I gotta call Jake. Don’t pick up the phone!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Buffy muttered, knowing her sister couldn’t hear it, as she was already halfway up the stairs. She turned back to Spike and smiled, placing her hands on his shoulders, as he drew her in, his hands resting comfortably on her hips. “I’ll feel better with you there. My dad’s kind’ve a stranger to me. I haven’t seen him in so long. I don’t even know how to act around him, you know?”

“You don’t have to act like the proper daughter, Buffy. The man deserves a little bit of the cold shoulder. After what he did to you and your sis after Joyce…Look, I’m not saying you should try to make him miserable the whole time, but I don’t think he deserves any slack for what he did. Abandoning you when you needed him the most…”

“Ok, you’re not helping me want to go.”

“Alright, pet,” he said with an understanding nod. “What do you need?”

“I need…I need you to be…the supportive boyfriend. If I get mad at him, you’re mad too. If I’m happy, you’re happy too.”

“So if you say you hate him, I’m supposed to list the reasons.” Buffy smiled.

“You’re better at this than you think.” Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. “I know what I said before, but…but, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I’m sure it won’t be that exciting for you.”

“Let’s see, I get to spend a weekend away from the Hellmouth, hopefully not killing vampires or any other sort of demon, and I’ll be doing it with the most gorgeous creature ever to grace the face of the earth. I can think of worse vacations, pet.” He pulled her in again, the scent of her shampoo wafting into his face. Their lips met in a tender kiss, but they were interrupted by Dawn bounding down the stairs.

“Buffy?” Buffy turned in Spike’s arms, but he kept them firmly around her. She leaned back against his chest with a smile.

“Yeah?”

“I have a little favor to ask.” She looked nervous.

“What’d you do?”

“Nothing! Um…Jake’s parents…they have to go out of town on Christmas. Jake doesn’t wanna go with them, but they don’t want him spending Christmas alone.”

“Ok…”

“So…I was thinking maybe we could take Jake with us. I could introduce him to Dad too. You know, we could kill two birds with one stone. Or…would that be two birds with two…anyway, can he come?”

“I don’t know, Dawn. I don’t know the guy that well, and…”

“Well, it’ll be the perfect opportunity for you to get to know him. Please? He can’t spend Christmas alone. Come on…” Buffy glanced at Spike who just raised an eyebrow, and she sighed.

“You’ll have to call Dad and ask him if he has the room, because he’s not staying in your room.”

“Spike’s staying in yours.”

“That’s different. I’m not fifteen.” Dawn rolled her eyes.

“I was kidding,” she muttered. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind the couch. Thanks, Buffy!”

“Don’t thank me until you asked Dad.” Dawn nodded and bolted back up the stairs to make another call. Buffy turned again in Spike’s arm.

“You’re sure you haven’t been on worse vacations?”

“Believe me, pet. I think I can find some way to pass the time.” His hand moved down her spine, gently cupping her ass. She smiled against his lips and nodded.

“Alright. But don’t even think of trying to get out of it now. You’re stuck with me for Christmas, mister.” He chuckled against her lips.

“I think I can live with that.”

Chapter 23: Los Angeles

“Did they say when they’d be back?” Anya asked, flipping through a bridal magazine, as she and Xander sat around at the Magic Box.

“Sometime after Christmas,” Xander said with a shrug. “I can’t believe she’s going to see her dad. He hasn’t been there for her in years. He wasn’t there when Mrs. Summers died. He wasn’t even around to hear about Buffy dying, which now that I think about it, was probably good, because she’s going to visit him now. Still, I think it’s only gonna make things worse.”

“Maybe,” Anya considered. “You know, when I was human…well, the first time around, I didn’t get along with my family either. But, I always managed to find time to spend with them.”

“That’s different, An,” Xander explained. “Their dad used to be a pretty good guy, but then he just stopped coming around. He would cancel their visits.”

“Are you madder that she’s going to visit her father, or is it because she’s taking Spike to meet him?” Xander was silent for a few moments, but Anya could practically hear the meltdown coming. His fingers tapped the table, his breathing increased, and finally, he slammed his hand against the hard wood of the table.

“What’s she thinking, huh? He’s a vampire. And not only that, but he doesn’t have a chip. He could kill her. He could kill any of them, and…”

“And he hasn’t. He could have done it the second he had his chip taken out, but he didn’t. He has a soul now.”

“Just because he has a soul doesn’t make up for everything he did in the past.” It was Anya’s turn to get angry. She stood up, crossing her arms. “Anya? What…”

“What about the things I did, huh? I’ve been around a long, long time. I’ve done more things than Spike could ever think about doing. I’ve eviscerated men just because they made their moody girlfriends cry at the wrong time of the month. I did it without question.”

“That’s different. You’re…you’re…”

“Human? That’s what makes all the difference? Come on, Xander.” She shook her head, exasperated. “Is this really because you hate Spike, or is it because you don’t want her to be with him? Is this some kind of…of sick control game?”

“You know that’s not it!” Xander exclaimed, standing up to face his future bride.

“Then why are you acting like this? If you’re going to hate Spike, then you should hate me too, because when I was a demon, I was worse than you could have ever imagined. I made Spike look like a…a kitten!”

“An…”

“No. Look, I want to support you, Xander, but I just can’t take much more of this. I sit here and listen to you talk about how evil Spike is, but the only difference between him and me is that I’m human. That doesn’t change the past. And I’m sure if Spike was human, you’d still hate him, because Buffy loves him, and you can’t change it.” Xander was stunned into silence. “If he’s so awful because of the things he’s done, then I must be a monster.” She turned on her heels, throwing the bridal magazine down on the table, and she stalked out of the shop without another word, leaving Xander to realize just how much of an idiot he’d become.

***

“I can’t believe you’re making him drive his own car. He could ride with us,” Dawn commented, as they drove down the highway shortly after sunset.

“Then you’d have to be the one to explain to him why Spike drinks blood when he gets hungry. I want to drive straight through, so we can get there before sunrise. Dad’s not gonna be home until tomorrow afternoon, so he left a key for us to get in.”

“You could’ve at least let me ride with him.”

“I’m keeping an eye on his driving skills. If he passes my test, you might get to ride home with him. Right now, I’d rather you be in the car with me.”

“Says you, who lets her lead food boyfriend drive.” Buffy looked at the speedometer. It read 80 mph.

“Spike! Slow down.”

“What? Oh, c’mon, pet. There’s nobody out here.”

“We’ll hit the interstate soon, and I’d like to get to L.A. in one piece.”

“You sound like mom,” Dawn murmured from the back seat. “Remember when she tried to teach you how to drive?” Dawn could help but giggle. “You almost took out an old lady in the grocery store parking lot!”

“Ok, enough with the walk down memory lane,” Buffy muttered. “I’m sure Dad’s gonna have enough ‘fun’ stories about me to share.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Just so you know, since your boyfriend’s coming, I’m sure he’s gonna have plenty of stories to tell about you.”

“Like what?” Dawn challenged.

“Oh…I don’t know. How about…the Dolly Parton concert you held in front of your mirror and stuffed animals when you were six. I remember you had one of my bras…”

“Training bras,” Dawn quipped, getting a glare from Buffy and a stifled laugh from Spike.

“You stuffed them with my socks and had mom’s new makeup all over your face.” Dawn’s face drained of color. “I’m pretty sure we took pictures. Maybe Dad has that one.”

“Oh my God. I’ll kill you if you bring that up.”

“All’s fair,” Buffy said with a nonchalant shrug.

“Nothing your dear old dad could have to say about Buffy would surprise me.” Dawn burst out laughing, and Buffy slugged him in the shoulder.

“Do you want to sleep alone tonight?” Spike smirked but kept his mouth shut. They drove in silence for the next few minutes, until Dawn let out a sigh. “What?”

“Nothing. Just hoping this huge pool Dad told me about on the phone is actually as huge as he says. I can’t wait to go for a swim.”

“Never fancied swimming, myself,” Spike said with a shrug.

“That’s ‘cause it’s physically impossible for you to appreciate how cool the water is,” Buffy quipped. “Of course, swimming on a hot summer day would be pretty impossible for you too.”

“Yeah. Don’t think the strongest SPF would help you there,” Dawn joked. “Whoa…” She swooned a little.

“Dawn? You ok?”

“Mmmhmm,” she muttered. “I think this carsickness pill is finally kicking in.”

“There’s enough room to lay down, right?”

“Yeah,” Dawn muttered. “I think I’m gonna do that.” Dawn lay back in the seat, and it wasn’t long before they could hear her snoring softly. Buffy eyed Spike, smiling. He caught her grin out of the corner of his eyes.

“What?”

“Just thinking about seeing you swimming. You don’t know how, do you?”

“Sure I do. I’ve had a lot of time to practice, you know. Not like I have to worry about drowning. Just don’t care much for it is all.”

“Well, you’ve never swam with me before.”

“Swimming’s always better when hot, naked women are involved.”

“Would you settle for a partially-clad Buffy?”

“Settle? You don’t know how beautiful you really are, do you?” He glanced at her for just a moment to see her smile inwardly, shrugging her shoulders a little. “And I gotta say, pet, the minute we get in that pool, there’ll be no ‘partially-clad’ about it.”

“Spike!”

“She’s sleeping.”

“Yeah, but I don’t need her learning anything by…by osmosis.” Spike smirked again.

“She’s not a child, Buffy.”

“She’s fifteen. It’s close enough.” Buffy relaxed against her seat, wiping her suddenly sweating hands on her pant legs. Spike reached over, placing his hand over hers. She looked at him, and he met her gaze. She smiled and rolled her eyes at him but looked forward, curling her fingers around his, and they continued on in comfortable silence.

***

“This is it. Up on the left,” Buffy said tiredly, as Spike coasted down the road in the quiet but very expensive-looking neighborhood. “1630…yep, that’s it.” Buffy’s eyes widened at the sight of her father’s large house. She knew he’d always had a good deal of money, and right now, she felt a twinge of anger that she and Dawn had been just getting by since Joyce’s death. Spike could sense her thoughts, and he squeezed her hand.

“S’alright, Pet. You said he left a key?”

“Yeah.” She turned, reaching into the backseat to nudge her sister awake. She squinted when Jake pulled in behind them in the drive.

“What?” Dawn muttered against the seat.

“We’re here. Get up.” Dawn muttered something unintelligible and stretched herself into a sitting position. Her eyes widened immediately.

“Holy crap! This is Dad’s house?” It was a spacious two-story modern house and from the wave of chlorine-scent that filled their nostrils, they could discern that a large swimming pool waited for them in the back. “Think we can guilt him into switching with us? I mean, it has to be, what? Three times as big as ours?” Buffy had to fight the urge to wonder aloud why he could afford this house but couldn’t afford to send a little cash their way once in a while. The last time she’d gotten anything from the man was when she’d visited over the summer in high school.

Jake came around from his car and pulled his arm around Dawn’s waist. Buffy couldn’t help but stare at the two of them. Jake was admiring the house with Dawn, who looked slightly skittish. It was nice to see her sister happy, but being the big sister, she was going to make sure she wasn’t too happy.

“Jake, I think Dad said you can sleep on the pull out downstairs.”

“Yeah. Thanks for letting me come along, Buffy.”

“Yeah, thanks, Buffy. Nobody should have to spend Christmas alone.” Buffy nodded.

“You’re welcome. Besides, it’ll give us a chance to talk.” Jake looked slightly concerned, but Dawn shrugged.

“Don’t worry. If she gets too bad, I have lots of blackmail stories to share. I used to read her diary. A lot.” Buffy’s eyes widened. “So Buffy? Be nice.” Dawn was joking, of course, but not about the blackmail part. Buffy had hid her diary in just about every place she wouldn’t expect anybody to look for it, and Dawn had always managed to not only find her sister’s diary but hide her own. Very well. It sucked being the Chosen One and not being able to find a damned diary in order to repay the ‘favor.’

The four tired travelers made their way up to the front door. Buffy found the spare key exactly where her dad had told her it would be. When they stepped inside, Spike found the light switch, and with a flick, the downstairs was illuminated.

“Whoa, Dawn, your dad’s loaded.”

“Ok. Buffy, the beach is like…practically in the back yard. Is it ok if me and Jake take a walk?” Buffy tensed up.

“I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

“Oh, come on. I’ll take my cell, and…”

“Dawn,” Buffy said quickly. “Hey, let’s go check out the kitchen. The guys can get our bags, right?”

“Uh, right,” Jake said quickly. He and Spike began to take the luggage to the separate rooms. The living room for Jake, and the two free rooms upstairs for the rest of them.

Buffy dragged her sister into the kitchen.

“What’s your problem?” Dawn snapped. “We just wanna go for a walk.”

“My problem, Dawn, is that he’s sixteen and you’re…well, you’re not. My problem is that it’s late, and we should all get some sleep.”

“Yeah, like you and Spike plan to sleep in the pool?”

“What?”

“I’m not that heavy of a sleeper.” Dawn rolled her eyes. “Besides, we just wanna go for a walk. That’s it. You’ve let me go miles away to a party with him, but you won’t let me go about a hundred feet away to walk on the beach?”

“It’s L.A. You’ve been here maybe three times.”

“Gee, if we run into any problems, I can always call Angel.” Buffy’s mouth set in a thin line. “He’s only about fifteen minutes away, after all.”

“No. We’re not here to see Angel. We’re here to visit Dad, and it’s my job as your big sister to make sure that you’re in one piece when he gets here tomorrow. So no walks on the beach until tomorrow. When the sun’s high and there are people around as witnesses.”

“What? In case somebody tries to kidnap me or in case I get the urge to ravage my boyfriend in the sand?”

“Don’t joke about that,” Buffy warned. “You’re still a…”

“A kid? No, I’m not. Yeah, I’m fifteen, but I’ve been around for thousands of…”

“Really, only a couple.”

“Yeah, in this body. But…”

“Dawn, don’t pull the age card on me. I don’t care if you’re fifteen or fifteen thousand. Just humor me tonight, ok?” Dawn clenched her teeth and gritted out a response.

“Fine.” She turned to walk out, but Buffy gently grabbed her hand, turning her back around.

“Dawnie,” Buffy said softly, “I don’t mean to treat you like a little kid. I know you’re growing up. Just…I need you to listen to me. I know what it’s like to have a new boyfriend…one that just makes you smile every time you think about him. I know what it’s like to think about…well, a lot of things. But please, listen to me. You’re young, and Jake’s probably not gonna be the one you end up with. Just think before you do anything you might regret not…you know, doing with the right person?” Dawn yanked her hand away.

“You didn’t wait. Angel wasn’t the right one. Neither was Parker. Or Riley.” Buffy stiffened again.

“I loved Angel. I loved Riley. Parker was…well, he was there in a confusing time of my life. I was having trouble getting adjusted to school. I was…”

“Alright. Ok. Look,” Dawn murmured, “thanks for worrying about me, but you don’t have to. I know what I’m doing. They force sex-ed down our throats every year. I’m not stupid.” Buffy felt a little taken aback.

“Dawn…”

“Please…can we not talk about this, Buffy?” She could tell by the look in Dawn’s eyes that Dawn had just let slip something she hadn’t really wanted to, even without saying it outright. “I love you. You’re my big sister. But you’re not my mother.” Dawn turned to walk away, but Buffy called out again.

“Dawn.”

“What?” she asked without turning around.

“Please…just…be careful. If you need to talk to me, please…just…”

“I know. I will.” With that, Dawn left the kitchen, and Buffy felt her knees starting to give way. She leaned against the marble counter top and took a few deep breaths.

“Buffy?” She looked up to see Spike standing in the doorway. He examined her trembling frame, as her skin turned a slightly paler shade. “What’s the matter?” He came to her, pulling an arm around her waist. She looked up into his eyes.

“I think…I think my little sister just told me she’s having sex…or she’s…she’s thinking about it.”

“What?” Spike asked, eyebrow raised.

“She didn’t…she didn’t exactly come out and say it, but…” She shook her head. “This is too much to process.”

“Can I do anything?”

“I think the damage has already been done. Just…help me keep them away from each other.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m on your side. Nibblet is just a kid. But you know what it’s like to want to be with somebody so much you’d do anything to make it happen…don’t you?” He looked into her eyes, and she trembled. “It’s not going to be easy.”

“This can’t be happening, Spike. She’s fifteen!”

“And a smart girl.”

“Not very smart,” Buffy muttered. “If I didn’t love her so much I’d kill her.”

“Why don’t you talk to her? You are the Slayer, after all. You could always torture it out of her.”

“I just tried to talk to her…”

“Go talk to her again,” he urged. “It’s late, but you won’t feel better until you do.” Buffy nodded.

“OK. You um…you keep Jake busy, ok?”

“Right. What’ll we talk about? How much hair product he uses?”

“Hey, you could both talk about that.” She ran her hand over his gelled back locks.

“Funny, Slayer. Remember, I know where you sleep.” Buffy smiled a little and stepped up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“I’d say don’t wait up, but you’d better.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done.” Buffy sighed, nodded, and headed off to find her sister, hoping she wouldn’t have to threaten her with sending her away to a convent. Her sister was smart. But she was young and vulnerable, even being the sister of the Slayer. She had a lot to learn about life, and Buffy just hoped that she wouldn’t learn too much too fast.

Chapter 24: Staking a Claim

“Look, Dawn, I’m sorry about…about in the kitchen. I know you’re not a kid. I know that. I’m just worried about you.” Buffy and Dawn sat side by side on the bed in Dawn’s room. “I’m not mom. I’m not trying to replace her. It’s just…you’re my baby sister, and I guess I’m just…”

“Way overprotective?” Dawn suggested. Buffy swallowed hard but mustered up a nod.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

“Besides, you weren’t too much older than me. You were seventeen. And your boyfriend was…what? Over a hundred?” Buffy was silent. “I think that’s way worse than me and Jake.”

“Alright,” Buffy said quietly. “You’ve got me there. Yeah. I was seventeen. No. I didn’t regret it. But, there were still consequences.”

“Buffy, Jake’s not a cursed vampire,” Dawn reminded her.

“You’ve got me again.” Buffy sighed. “Ok. I’m…I’m gonna try to understand that you’re growing up. You are smart, Dawn. I’m more worried about him not being smart.” She cleared her throat. “I guess I just want…no…I don’t really want to know, but I just…”

“You wanna know if I’ve slept with Jake?” Dawn pointed out. Buffy just gave her a little nod, uncertain as to whether or not she wanted to hear this. “You know it’s none of your business.”

“Dawn…just…you can talk to me, you know? I want you to know that. Even if it’s something you don’t think you can talk to me about. I’m still your sister, and that’s never going to change.” Dawn nodded.

“If it’ll make you feel better. No, we haven’t.” Buffy breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

“Yeah, it does make me feel better.” Dawn raised an eyebrow.

“It doesn’t mean we won’t. We almost did once, but I…I kinda chickened out.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Buffy explained, putting her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “It just means you need more time.”

“You’re just saying that to keep me from doing it, aren’t you?”

“Maybe partly, but it’s true, Dawn. When you’re really ready, you’ll know.” Dawn was silent for a moment before giving her sister a little nod.

“Ok. Not to sound like a Whitney Houston song from the 80s, but….how will I know?” Buffy smiled a little and shrugged.

“I don’t know. I guess everybody’s different.”

“Well, how did you know?”

“With Angel?”

“Oh, I know all about that. Diary, remember?”

“Right,” Buffy said awkwardly. “Well, with Spike…I don’t know. I knew before I died that he loved me. But when I came back, that’s when I really saw it, you know? He was always there. He helped me. I saw how much he’d changed. Especially with you. He looked after you, and he didn’t have to. I asked him to help protect you from Glory, and he didn’t have to stay after I died, but he did anyway. And I started to care for him. And then it just…it happened.” Dawn smiled.

“That’s romantic.”

“Yeah. It is, a little, isn’t it?”

“See, I want that.”

“You can have it, Dawn,” Buffy whispered, squeezing her sister’s hand. “You don’t have to grow up all at once. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do. But I do want you to know that I’m here to talk. Even if it’s about something I’m not ready to hear. I’ll be here, ‘cause that’s what big sisters are for.”

“You mean that?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said with a smile. “I know what it’s like to want to talk to somebody about something…and not knowing where to turn. I had my friends, but it wasn’t the same. Xander freaked out whenever I talked about guys, and Willow had her own boy…and girl problems to deal with.”

“Yeah. I guess things like that tend to happen when your boyfriend turns into a werewolf and then down the line you find out you’re gay.” Dawn shrugged and let out a sigh.

“I don’t think you’re ready for any of this, Dawn. But that’s not my choice to make. Just promise me that whatever you decide to do, you’ll talk to me about it, because there’s nothing scarier than going through something alone.”

“Well…I wouldn’t be alone…”

“You know what I mean.”

“Right. I know. If I need to talk, I will. Don’t worry. I don’t have any plans to do anything right now. I’ll wait until it feels right.”

“Don’t confuse hormones with rightness. That isn’t always of the good.”

“Ok. Ok. It’s late. Can we eighty-six the awkward sex talk for the rest of the night?”

“Sure. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Speaking of being left alone…you should probably go get Spike. He might be chip-less, but Jake is a teenager, and I know from firsthand experience this past summer that Spike’s got a short temper when it comes to us teenaged-types.”

“Oh. Right, yeah, I should do that. G’night, Dawnie.”

“Night, Buffy.” Buffy hopped up and headed out of the room, hoping that she’d come off a little less overbearing and a lot more supportive. It was scary to think of Dawn growing into a young woman, but it was something that would happen one day. She just hoped that it would be the right decision for her sister, and not because of some curiosity she needed to satisfy.

***

Jake sat awkwardly on the couch next to Spike, who was staring at him like a father glaring at his daughter’s first date.

“So, Jake, is it?” Spike asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Did you grow up in Sunnydale?”

“Born and raised,” Jake said nervously.

“Any oddballs in your family?”

“What…what do you mean?”

“Anybody who doesn’t like to go out in the daytime?”

“You mean like you?” Jake asked, getting a disapproving look and realizing he probably shouldn’t have said that. “Uh…no. Unless you count my Uncle Larry. He, uh, he doesn’t like sunlight at all. But he doesn’t like moonlight. Light in general. He sits in a closet all day.”

“Any family members with strange skin conditions?”

“Uh…no? My little sister has acne, if that’s what you mean,” he chuckled.

“Oh, so it’s funny to make fun of a bird for having bad skin?”

“No…I…”

“What if Dawn were to wake up one morning with the same problem? Would it be funny then?”

“Uh…no. I was just…”

“You should treat her like a lady, but if you’re doing it for the reason I think you are, then you should think twice, if you know what I mean.”

“Um…huh?”

“Dawn has a lot of people who care about her. Big, strong people. Her big sis? A lot stronger than she looks.”

“Really? She’s just a tiny…”

“Oh, she packs a hell of a wallop, believe me.” He smirked when he saw the lad shudder. “I’d be careful this weekend. Not sure where the strength in Buffy’s family comes from. Her mum was a strong lady, but I’ve never met her dad. So I’d watch out.”

“But, aren’t you just as worried? I mean, you’re meeting him for the first time too, so…”

“Jake,” Spike said with a shake of his head and a snicker, “I think the attention’s gonna be on you. After all, you are dating his youngest. He knows Buffy’s an adult, but Dawn is still young. She’s still the baby of the family.” Jake swallowed even harder.

“You’re just saying this to scare me, right dude?” Jake asked, fingers running through his short but too-long-for-Spike’s-liking hair.

“Just saying….dude…that I’d be careful. Don’t try anything stupid, or you’ll be answering to a lot of very strong people.”

“Stop threatening my boyfriend!” Dawn called from the top of the stairs, as Buffy made her way into the living room.

“Hello, luv,” Spike said with a smile in Buffy’s direction before shouting loud enough for Dawn to hear. “Not threatening him, Nibblet! Just giving him some advice.”

“Well shut up anyway!” Dawn called. Moments later, they could hear her bedroom door shut, and both Buffy and Spike turned their attention to Jake. He smiled nervously.

“Well…uh, I’m beat! I think I’m gonna go to sleep. You, uh…you mind giving me some privacy?” Spike stood up and moved to put his arm around Buffy.

“One more thing. I’m a very light sleeper, so I wouldn’t try pulling anything tonight,” Spike said with a nod toward the young man. Jake looked at Buffy who only nodded at Spike’s words.

“Wow. Dawn said her family was crazy, but…”

“Don’t go there, Jake,” Buffy warned with a smile. “It’s easier to just nod at smile.” Jake nodded, but he didn’t smile.

“Ok. Um…good night?”

“Good night, Jake.” Buffy waved Spike out of the room, and lingered behind. “For the record, my little sister really likes you, so try not to mess it up.”

“Oh…ok. Um, thanks?” Buffy nodded, and she left Dawn’s boyfriend alone to try and sleep after the awkward conversation.

When she started to the kitchen to get a drink of water, she felt Spike’s arms pull her against him. He turned her and pushed her back gently against the wall. His lips immediately found her neck, and she stifled a surprised giggle.

“Hey,” she hissed under her breath. “At least wait until Jake’s sleeping.”

“That could take hours.”

“It’d be your fault for freaking him out,” she teased.

“Hey, it’s the Nibblet’s future we’re talking about. Did you two have a good talk?”

“Yeah. And I’m relieved to the power of ten.”

“So that means…”

“That means,” she said with a nod, “that my somewhat innocent little sister is still…somewhat innocent.” She cringed inwardly, realizing she probably shouldn’t have said that, despite the fact that she owed her sister several jabs for the diary reading incidents over the past several years. “Don’t tell her I told you that.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, pet. Saves me from having to rip his throat out.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not, but if you came down those stairs and said something different than what you just told me…”

“Aw, look at you. Protective big brother type.”

“When you say it that way, it makes our situation sound a little dirty doesn’t it?” he asked with a gleam in his eyes.

“I guess so,” she giggled. With a shrug, she leaned in to kiss him, pressing her body against his. She could feel him already beginning to strain against his jeans, and she sighed softly.

“Ready for bed, luv?”

“I’m not relaxed enough yet,” she said thoughtfully. “Know what gets me nice and sleepy?”

“I can think of a couple things,” he teased.

“Well, yeah. But…come on.” She started to lead him away toward the patio doors, but she stopped. “Wait. Dawn and…”

“Nibblet’s already snoring away. Carsickness pills must not have worn off yet. Jake’s somewhere between awake and asleep, but I think he’ll be having nightmares all night.”

“You’re awful.”

“Vampire.”

“With a soul. Be nice,” she grinned. He answered her with a rough kiss, capturing her bottom lip between his teeth for a minute. When he pulled back, he cocked his head to the side.

“Nice? That’s not nearly as fun.” She smiled again, her hands moving to his waist. She wiggled her body against his as she kissed him, and she heard that familiar moan escape the back of his throat. Her tongue darted out to taste his lips, and his hands grew tighter on her hips.

“Gotta have you…now.” His hands were moving hungrily up her sides, caressing the sides of her breasts.

“Can’t…not yet,” she breathed, nodding toward the pool. “Wait ‘til…mmpfff…sleep…” Spike’s mouth against hers made it hard for her to get her thoughts across, but he picked her up in his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and she ground against him. He could smell her arousal and knew she couldn’t wait anymore either.

“Pool later,” he managed to growl out, as he walked blindly with her up the back stairs, silently thanking the powers that be that Hank Summers had a set of back stairs, so they wouldn’t have to separate in order to avoid Dawn’s boyfriend’s attention.

Buffy’s hands were buried in his hair, and her lips were hot against his. He had one arm around her waist, and the other was holding onto the stair rail to keep them from falling back.

Buffy and Spike tumbled blindly down the hallway upstairs, and when they found their room, which wasn’t easy, as Buffy wasn’t familiar with her father’s new house, Spike rushed her inside, depositing her onto the bed. Both stared at each other for a moment as he stood, and their chests heaved, gulping in huge amounts of air as the anticipation built. Spike turned, stalking back to the door, shutting it, and again, thanking the powers that be, because this door had a lock. Who’s the lucky vampire?, he thought with a cocky smile.

The minute he turned from the door, he felt two tiny but strong hands push his chest back, pinning him against the door. Her eyes were a fierce shade of green, and her soft lips were a soft red from their urgent kisses.

“I’ve been wanting this all day,” she whispered, her words sending shivers down his spine. As she pressed into him, her hands traveled down, one cupping his ass and pulling him against her. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling the heat radiating from her already.

“Bloody hell,” he murmured, as her hand moved around to stroke the growing bulge in his jeans. Using all the strength he could muster while he was completely under the influence of the scent of her arousal, her darted forward, capturing her in his arms and tackling her to the mattress. She laughed for a moment before she grabbed the back of his head, pulling him down for another bruising kiss.

His hand was already fumbling with the buttons on her jeans. She scooted back on the bed as he helped her maneuver out of them. As he slipped the jeans off of her legs, she raised her shirt over her head, tossing it across the room. Spike pulled back for a moment to take in the sight of her tanned skin glittering with a fine sheen of sweat, her small but perfect breasts heaving and straining against her black, lacy bra.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, dipping down to capture her lips with his own again, one hand clenching in her hair as the other reached down, rubbing her through her panties. He could already feel the dampness against his fingertips through the lacy garment. “Let’s get you out of these.” His fingers began to draw down her panties, but she suddenly used her strength to flip him over and onto his back. She climbed over him, straddling his lower half and pinning it to the bed. She wiggled her hips, the friction making his pants far too tight against his hard cock. “Oh fuck.”

“You have way too many clothes on,” she murmured, her voice low, saturated with seduction. Her hands trained up under his black shirt first, fingers tweaking his nipples just to watch him squirm. He clenched his jaw shut, as her fingers continued to torture him, trailing sensuous circles along his cool flesh.

His hands moved up her hips, her sides, her back, finally finding the clasp of her bra and expertly unhooking it, sliding the straps down her shoulders and letting it fall down her arms. She shook it off and onto the floor, and raised himself up on one elbow, pulling her down with his other arm, taking a hard nipple between his teeth.

Buffy’s head fell back, and she continued grinding against him, her body screaming at her to hurry up and undress him.

Her hands were on his shoulders then, and she pushed him back, sliding down his body, her hands working at the button of his pants. He watched as she slid them off, his cock popping out, throbbing for her attention. He immediately reached for it, but she swatted his hand away, crawling back up him, her legs on his thighs. She smiled and curled a hand around his erection.

He hissed inwardly, and she bent down to place a kiss to the tip, running her thumb across the little slit. His eyes rolled back, and he bent his head back as her warm, wet mouth enveloped him, and her tongue slowly began to torture him in all the right ways. Her bright, green eyes stared up at him so innocently while her mouth and fingers were wrapped around his cock, and the sight of it when his eyes met hers nearly made him come on the spot.

The warning sign of his throaty moan made her reluctantly pull back, crawling back up to straddle him. His hands roamed up her thighs and her sides, and he captured her breasts, expertly massaging them for a moment. She threw her head back again, her hands against his chest. But he brought his hands back down to her waist, and in one fluid motion, he had her pinned against the mattress, and he was crawling over her, his hands clawing at the black lacy piece of material that kept him from what he wanted most.

“Spike,” she whimpered, as Spike tossed the black undergarment over his shoulder, “please…” He moved up to kiss her neck, and she turned, seeking his lips. This time, this kiss was tender, and he lingered for only moments, before moving back down, settling between her legs and without pause, taking her throbbing clit into his mouth.

“Oh God!” she cried out, grabbing the sheets and nearly yanking them off the bed. Her hips bucked against his face, but he dug his nails into her hips, holding her still, as his tongue circled around the slick little bud.

One of Buffy’s hands slid into Spike’s hair, and she held him there, as he brought her closer to climax. When she felt him insert two fingers inside of her, she arched her back, her breath catching in her throat. Spike moaned, sending a tremor through her.

“Spike…please. I need to…” It was then that she felt his cool, spongy tongue replace his fingers, and his thumb began to circle her clit, applying just enough pressure to send her over the edge and coming into his mouth. Something like this never could have been as sensual with anyone else.

She gave his hair a little tug, and he crawled back up her body, taking his cock into his own hand. She moaned softly, as he positioned himself perfectly and slid home. She closed her eyes, her walls stretching to accommodate him. She let out a little gasp, and she was met by his lips.

Her arms encircled him, and he hooked one of her knees over his hip and set the pace.

“So fucking tight,” he murmured into her mouth, clenching his eyes shut for a moment, trying to keep himself in control. Buffy closed her eyes, her hands moving over the tight muscles of his back. She moaned softly into his mouth as he continued kissing her, but it wasn’t long before she gained the advantage again.

Unhooking her knee from his hip, she rolled him onto his back, being careful to steady herself on him. Her hands were tight against his chest as she moved up and down on his shaft, slick with her come.

“Oh God,” he murmured, as the vision of her, long hair swishing in front of his face, tickling her breasts and making the little rosy nipples perk up again made him come closer to the edge.

“Hold on,” she breathed, picking up the pace a little, angling them just enough that he hit the right spot as he thrust into her. She was silent, her eyes focused right on his, but he could see her lips quivering, and all he could think about was how amazing that perfect little mouth really was. His fingers dug harder into her hips, enough that she groaned a little, but she didn’t dare ask him to stop when she felt so good.

She threw her head back, face to the ceiling, eyes shut, inner muscles clenching around his cock, and she felt the world spin around her when he grabbed her, pinning her against the bed again, his forehead resting against hers as he picked up the pace, pounding into her harder.

“Oh God. Oh fuck. Yes! Spike!” she cried out, her nails piercing the flesh on his back, her teeth leaving marks on his shoulder that were deep enough that blood came seeping out. The coppery taste stung her tongue.

The animal within Spike raged with need, and she could feel him fighting it. She knew what he wanted, and right now, she wanted to give him anything he wanted. She pulled her hair back from her neck, and he looked at her, eyes wide with surprise as he continued to move inside of her. “Not too deep.”

The bones in his face shifted, and the demon came out. He rested his head against her shoulder for a moment, and she caressed his back, bracing herself for the pain. But when she felt his sharp teeth penetrate the flesh of her neck, she only felt the pleasure intensify, and she cried out as he drank from her. Her legs wrapped around him, and she drew him in as much as she could, feeling her heart pounding as if it were about to break free of her chest.

““Unh….oh…God. Right there.” She arched against him, and she pulsed her muscles again. He withdrew his teeth and when he looked back at her, his human face. She smiled up at him, tracing the features of his smooth face with her fingertips. “Love you…so much.” Hearing her say it only made him want her more, and he pressed his lips to hers, pulling her tightly into his arm as he plunged into her with renewed strength. The moment he triggered her next orgasm, the bubble burst, and he came inside of her, crying out against her shoulder as she milked every bit out of him.

He held her for several long moments, not wanting to let go of her, but when he pulled out and rolled onto his back, she rolled with him, nestling herself against his cool body. He could smell the scent of dried blood, and he pulled her hair back to examine the damage. Two small, pink marks were all that was left of his claim.

“You realize,” he whispered, “that this means your mine now.”

“Mmm,” she muttered lazily, her body still coming down from such a high. “You realize I’ve been yours for a while now.” She looked up at him, her green eyes sparkling and filled with life. “And you’re mine?”

“Yeah. Have been for even longer, pet.” He kissed her lips. “You bloody broke the skin.”

“That’s the point,” she giggled, knowing all about claims. Giles had lectured her on them shortly after she’d begun dating Angel, though it was nothing she’d considered doing with him after their first time together resulted in his evilness.

“You…you know what this means though, don’t you, luv?” Buffy nodded, smiling sweetly at him, as she kissed his chest.

“Yeah. It means…”

“It means we’re mates now. We belong together. Is…is that what you want?”

“It’s too late to change my mind now, isn’t it?” she teased. Spike could barely even swallow. Claiming was a very old vampire myth, and he’d never heard of it being practiced during his entire life or afterlife. Frankly, he hadn’t been sure about its validity until now. As he looked into her eyes, he could see that the bond between them was even stronger now.

They were quiet for several long minutes, and she could feel his uncertainty now.

“You don’t regret it, do you?”

“’Course I don’t. I’m just worried you might regret it, is all. There’s a lot…what if you want a family someday. I can’t…”

“Spike, hold on,” Buffy whispered. “I’m not a kid. I’m not a teenager that doesn’t know what she wants. I know what I want now, and that’s you.” She ran her fingers through his messy hair, smiling at the way it curled when the gel wore off. “And that’s not gonna change.”

“It might…”

“Spike?”

“Hmm?”

“Shut up and kiss me.” Spike did as she asked, his lips dancing along hers for several moments. When she pulled back, she kissed his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said softly.

“And don’t think I didn’t know what I was doing,” she warned him. “Even in that state, I can make snap decisions. I promise.” She kissed him again and jumped out of bed, pulling him out with her. “We don’t have to make a big deal of it, Spike.” He looked at her as if she’d grown another head. The Buffy he knew even a couple of months ago would have freaked out at the idea of being bound to him like this. “You should know by now that I don’t plan on falling in love with anybody else. You’re the only one I want, and I hope I’m the only one…”

He shut her up with a fierce kiss, pulling her strongly against him, not wanting to let her go. He couldn’t believe this; couldn’t believe her. God, he’d never felt so much happiness in his entire unlife, except for the night he watched her walk down those stairs and back into his life after months of anguish and realization that his eternity would mean nothing without her.

“Of course you’re the only one, Slayer. Just never expected I’d be the one you’d want.”

“If you haven’t figured that out after all the sweaty, nakedness…”

“You know what I mean.”

“I know,” she said with a reassuring smile. “People change. I guess it’s lucky for the both of us that I changed my mind about you.” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Now, unless you want me to call Giles and ask him if he can help us break the claim….” Spike shook his head. “Good. Then follow me. We’ve got some swimming to do.”

Chapter 25: Baby Steps

By the time morning came around, Jake was ready to get out of the house. Not only was the conversation with Spike last night still weighing on his mind, but the fact that the house was dim due to Spike’s so-called migraine problems was making him a little stir-crazy. So, he and Dawn had convinced Buffy to let them go out and hang by the beach for a while. Buffy had agreed, mostly because she was feeling extra frisky, and she wanted some more alone time with Spike before her dad arrived home, which was supposed to be in a few hours.

Now, Buffy was draped over Spike in the bed, and they were both still sweaty and panting pretty hard. Buffy felt a little crick in her neck, and she sat up, rubbing the sore spot. Spike sat up next to her, pulling her hair back and examining the bite marks.

“How’s it look?” she wondered.

“Barely see anything. Slayer healing, eh?”

“Guess so.” She yawned and stretched a little.

“Does it hurt?”

“Nah. Just feels like I got a shot or something. It’s a little tender, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” She shrugged her shoulders but narrowed her eyes when she saw him staring at her funny.

“What?”

“Do you…you know…feel any different this morning?”

“I don’t think so. Why?” Spike shook his head.

“It’s nothing. I was just wondering, is all.”

“Why were you wondering?”

“Rumor has it that sometimes there are a few extra…goodies that come with claims.” Buffy wrinkled her brow.

“What kind’ve extra goodies?” Spike shrugged it off, getting out of bed.

“Oh, things like telepathy, or even feeling each other’s pain.”

“Really?” Buffy said with a raised eyebrow. “Well, can you tell what I’m thinking, right now?” Spike smirked.

“You’re thinking I need to come back to bed.” Buffy’s jaw dropped.

“Wha…”

“Lucky guess, pet,” he chuckled. “Hit me.”

“What?”

“Throw something at me.”

“What?! No!”

“Come on, Slayer. We need to know if you can feel what I feel.”

“Oh, great. I hurt you and I feel the same pain. No thanks.”

“Oh, just do it, Slayer. This is why we’re trying it on me, not you.” Buffy rolled her eyes and got up out of bed, strutting over toward him, her skin glowing just slightly despite the dimness of the room. She smiled sweetly at him, placing her hands on her hips and cocking her head to the side. She couldn’t help but notice something stirring again down south. This was turning him on. Oh, this was definitely of the good.

“You really want me to hit you?”

“What are you waiting for?” he challenged, his voice a bit strained now. “C’mon, Slayer. Give it to me good.” She laughed, shaking her head and turning. But she quickly spun around, her fist coming at his face. He caught it, squeezing her wrist and making a face at her. “Good try. With her free arm, she swung around, but he grabbed that wrist too and twisted her around so that her back was now pressed against the door. He moved into her, his firm cock resting between her thighs. She slid against it, moaning softly as her juices coated him.

He leaned into her, pressing soft kisses to her collarbone, trailing up her neck to her ear. He murmured soft words in her ear that made her knees feel like jelly while the rest of her seemed to ignite.

“What were we talking about again?” she murmured, as his lips locked against hers. He moaned softly against her, and he gave her lower lip a little nibble, biting down just enough to remind her they were checking for pain. “Oh…right.” And she shoved him. Hard. He stumbled backward, falling against the corner of the bed and tumbling down onto the floor. She heard his head smack against the leg of the bedside table. Her eyes widened, and she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. “Oh my God! Spike! Are you ok?” He stood up, shaking off the shock.

“Never better, pet. Lucky I’ve got a hard head.” He winced, touching the tender area. “More importantly, are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” she said with furrowed brows. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright, luv. I told you to do it,” he chuckled, bridging the gap between them. Still, Buffy moved behind him to examine the damage. Not even a mark.

“Hmm. Yeah, I guess you do have a pretty hard head.” She frowned, and he turned to face her.

“C’mon, luv. Your dad’ll be here soon. Should probably get cleaned up.” Buffy’s lower lip stuck out just slightly.

“But I thought we were gonna…” She saw the gleam in his eye that accompanied his trademark smirk.

“Didn’t say we had to get separate showers, did I?” Buffy smiled, and she quickly tackled her lover, tossing him onto the bed. He laughed at her urgency and pulled his arms around her.

“Alright, then. The shower can wait. But not long…’cause I’ve got plans for you in there.”

“Oh really?”

“Mmmm,” he murmured against her lips. “How about a little preview?” He made his way down her body, spreading her legs, his fingers tickling her in the process. She burst out laughing, and she turned over on her belly.

“No tickling!” she laughed. “That’s so not fair.” She pushed him off of her but took his hand. “C’mon, Tickles. It’s shower time.”

***

“What’d I tell you, Giles?” Quentin Travers asked, as he stood in front of Dana Mullens’ room.

“It’s unbelievable,” Giles said with a shake of his head. “What was it you gave the girl?”

“The same thing we’ve been giving her every day. I told you it would work eventually. She’s completely lucid.”

“It is a significant change, yes,” Giles said quietly. Over the past few days, Dana had gone into a complete shutdown. She’d appeared to be comatose, but just hours ago, she’d awakened, wondering where she was. “Has she any memory of what she’s done?” Travers hesitated, and Giles turned to face him.

“That’s the interesting part. She has no memories of her crimes. That’s what she claims, anyway.”

“Have you told her about them?”

“Not yet. But what would be the point of that anyway? The girl doesn’t realize she is a murderer. But she realizes she is chosen to do great things. All she has to do is learn how to do them.” Giles was stunned. “Think about it, Giles. She’s a clean slate. She knows who she is. She knows she’s supposed to do something important, but she doesn’t seem to recall the events leading her to our care.”

“You’re suggesting training her, aren’t you? Turning her into an active Slayer…without telling her about the terrible things she’s done?”

“Why ruin the progress we’ve made, Giles? She doesn’t know she’s a killer…”

“But what if she still has those instincts buried somewhere inside of her? What if she does it again? What if her next kill is a human rather than a demon?” Quentin turned back to peer into the room, where Dana looked around, confused and frightened, but she no longer had the frantic, untamed look in her eyes anymore.

“Honestly,” Travers breathed, “I don’t think that girl exists anymore.”

“Doesn’t exist? She’s sitting right behind this door, Travers. Do you honestly expect me to put all my faith into some drug we know very little about, and just assume that she’s forgotten?”

“No, but I do expect you to understand that the world needs a Slayer who is willing to make sacrifices…”

“What are you asking of me?” Giles asked, stepping closer to Travers.

“I’m asking you to do what we’ve already done. I need you to ask Ms. Summers for her help.”

“She won’t do it,” Giles said with a shake of his head. “She knows how dangerous it could be. Besides, she could be hurt. A murderer with the strength of a Slayer.”

“An oblivious murderer,” Travers corrected. “She has no memory, Giles, and I see no reason why it shouldn’t stay that way. She’s been tormented enough. She has a clean slate, and all we have to do is train her, and she could become a powerful force against evil.” Giles sighed heavily. Deep down, his gut told him that this wasn’t all it seemed to be; that Dana, while appearing quite innocent right now, might eventually end up causing more harm than good as a Slayer. But at the same time, he knew that his job as a watcher was to train Slayers against the forces of evil, and if he could make any difference in her, perhaps it would be in making her into a finely tuned warrior for the good side. Maybe it would counteract the past. Then again, it might bring it back. It was a tossup.

“She’s on holiday right now.”

“That’s alright. I’d like to give Ms. Mullens a few days to adjust. We can bring in a team to evaluate her. We have mind readers to be certain she is unaware. We can condition her and test her responses to stimuli…be certain her aggression has ceased.” He watched his co-worker carefully. “We can do this safely, Giles. Just have a little faith in the Council. We’re still the good guys, remember? All we want is to make the best out of a bad situation. We can rehabilitate her. Look how far we’ve come with her already.”

***

“Are you still mad at me?” Xander asked, caressing Anya’s hand as she sat across from him reading a bridal magazine. She didn’t answer. “Well, you can’t be too mad if you’re still planning for the wedding.”

“I can plan for my wedding. I’m thinking I’ll start a new tradition. Only the bride has to show up.” She didn’t look up from the book.

“Don’t be…”

“What? Stupid? Sorry if I’m not as smart as Buffy. Or not as pretty. Sorry if I’m not worthy enough for you to get jealous over…”

“Anya!” Xander exclaimed with frustration. They’d had this conversation several times over the past couple of days. “I’m not jealous of Spike. For the last time, I don’t want to be with Buffy. I want…”

“But you used to. You’re upset, because you wonder why she could keep having sex with vampires and not give you a second thought. You never ask me about all the men I’ve slept with, and Xander, I’ve slept with a lot. A lot, a lot.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because it doesn’t matter who I’ve slept with. You’ve never liked any of the guys Buffy’s dated, because they got to sleep with her, and you didn’t. You poured your heart out to her when you were in high school and she turned you down.”

“That was years ago. I don’t care about that anymore. I want you, Anya. That’s all I want.”

“But you do care about it, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be so angry at her for being with Spike.”

“Spike’s a vampire.”

“So was Angel.”

“And look how great that turned out.” Xander stared at his future bride, trying to guess who was going to win this argument. She always won. Always.

“You’ve spent the past month or so obsessing over Buffy being with Spike. Who cares? I don’t, because I have you. And I hoped you’d feel the same way.” He could hear the hurt in her voice, and he saw the worry in her eyes when she smacked her magazine down onto the table top. “Maybe you don’t like Spike, but you cut her out of your life because of him. It shouldn’t be that important to you. The relationship that should matter is yours with mine. I don’t care if I’m selfish. I don’t care if you’re mad at me for being selfish. It’s what I want, and if you can’t get over Buffy being with Spike, then I can’t go through with marrying you. I don’t want to be the one you settled for, Xander.”

“I’m not settling,” Xander insisted, taking her hands in his. She didn’t pull away. “I love you. I do. And if you want me to try to work things out with Buffy and Spike, then I will. If that’s what it takes to prove to you that…”

“You shouldn’t have to want to do it to prove something to me. She is your friend, and I know that she hasn’t always been my favorite person, but I’d like to think you wouldn’t give up on somebody so easy. Even if it is somebody you used to be madly in love with.” Xander sighed, shaking his head. He smiled a little.

“I was a sixteen year old kid back then. I thought I was madly in love, but I never felt anything close to mad, scary love until I met you. God, Anya, I never felt so sick, terrified, or exceedingly happy than when I was with you.” Anya’s face softened. “You were the craziest woman I ever met, but the crazy made me love you more. Yeah, what Buffy did in high school hurt me, but the idea of you calling off the wedding because of some stupid issue I have…that hurts more. Please, Anya. Just…please, don’t give up on me. I love you more than anything. I love you, you crazy ex-demon.” Anya’s tears welled more before spilling over. She threw herself across the table at him, folding her arms around him.

“That’s the sweetest thing anybody’s ever said to me,” she cried. Xander kissed her softly.

“I’m sorry, An. I’ll fix things. I promise. I might not be inviting Spike to any family get-togethers, but I’ll make things better. I will.” Anya nodded.

“Good, because I want a smooth and happy wedding. I don’t want angry stares at the altar.”

“You’ll have a perfect wedding. We will, I mean.” He smiled at her. “Not much longer now, and all this wedding stuff will be behind us.” Anya bristled a little, but he squeezed her hand to reassure her. “Then we can get on with the married stuff. Sound good?” Anya smiled, nodding her head.

“Yeah. Sounds perfect.”

***

“Spike! Give me the towel! I’m serious!” Buffy yelled, as she and Spike held a standoff in the bathroom. Spike stood next to the bathroom door, as naked as Buffy was, and he held the only towel in sight in his hands.

“You’re gonna have to come and get it,” he teased, tongue darting out between his teeth for a second. She glared at him, thought long and hard about throwing the soap at his bleached head, and then she darted out of the tub, tackling him out into the hallway and against the hallway wall. He threw the towel toward the stairs, and Buffy started to run for it, but he caught her by the waist and pulled her back against him, his hand moving down her shoulder and around to capture a breast. His lips pressed against her neck, and she moaned, as his free hand moved between her legs.

“Spike,” she moaned, not even bothering to fight him anymore. “I’m all clean…”

“Yeah,” he murmured with a chuckle, “and you’re still all…wet.”

“Oh God,” she murmured, as he slipped a few fingers inside. “Oh…k…Oh God.” She turned in his arms, and he slipped his fingers out of her, drawing her close. Her arms wrapped around his still damp back, and they stumbled back into the bedroom, door hanging wide open.

“Want me to make it quick?” he asked, tongue sliding out to taste the flesh on her neck.

“Mmm,” she breathed, sliding her leg up and bringing him in. She gasped softly as he buried himself inside of her, and she closed her eyes, head arching back into the mattress.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered, his lips against hers, tasting the minty freshness, tongue sliding along her newly brushed teeth. Her breath still carried the coolness that the mint provided.

When she didn’t answer, he started a quick pace, but she shook her head.

“No. Go slow,” she breathed. “Make love to me.” Her eyes glittered with need and with love, and he smiled down at her, stroking her face, brushing the wet hair out of her eyes.

“Alright, luv,” he whispered, kissing her softly. His lips moved down to her neck, softly suckling her there, and just as he began to move slowly within her, the door downstairs opened, and Buffy gasped. “Oh bollocks.”

“Shh. Come on,” she breathed, pushing back on him as he pulled out. “Get dressed.”

“Little hard, pet.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” she teased, receiving an eye roll from him in response. She dressed quickly, however, as the baritone voice echoed up from downstairs.

“Anybody home?”

“Uh, yeah! Just a sec, Dad!” Buffy called, clasping her bra on and pulling a shirt over her head. Once she was fully dressed, she pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail and threw a sympathetic glance Spike’s way. “Make it up to you later?” Spike only nodded, and when she flounced out of the room, he focused on getting rid of the raging erection left after an unsatisfactory encounter. Maybe if he thought about how Hank Summers might kill him if he found out the tryst going on under his roof, it would help it go away.

***

“Wow, look at you,” Hank said, voice drenched with surprise as his daughter came down the stairs, looking a little flustered but just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her. Maybe more if it was possible.

“Hey,” she said awkwardly, trying to figure out whether she should hug him or punch him. She settled for a nod in his direction. “Um, Dawn’s out on the beach with her boyfriend.”

“Ok. Well, that’ll give us some time to talk. Didn’t you bring someone?” He glanced up toward the stairs, expecting someone else to come following after his daughter.

“Uh, yeah. He’s um, taking a nap.”

“It’s the morning.”

“Right. Well, he’s…he has a headache. He’ll be down in a little while.”

“Oh. Ok,” Hank said cautiously. “I’ll just take my things up to my room and change. I’ll be down in a few minutes, and then we can talk.”

“Great,” Buffy replied quietly, fighting back the tears that stung her eyes. She watched as her father disappeared up the stairs with his luggage, before she sat down on the leather sofa, heart racing rapidly. God, what had happened to make him go from a doting father to a barely there figure that was barely more than a sperm donor. What kind of a man stopped being a dad? Better yet, what kind of a man avoided his kids after their mother’s death? Those questions raged within her, making the anger completely overshadow the twinge of happiness she felt at seeing her dad again.

Before the divorce, she’d been somewhat of a Daddy’s girl, after all. But now…she didn’t know what would happen to what little of a relationship they had left. She’d acted as a sister and a parent to Dawn for the last year, and she wasn’t even sure if there was a place left for her dad anymore. After everything he’d done…or rather hadn’t done over the past few years, she didn’t know if she really wanted him in her life anymore after all.

Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for this long overdue chat. All she had to remind herself was that she had to take baby steps. That’s all she needed to do to work toward the closure she so desperately needed.

Chapter 26: Answers

As she waited for her dad to come down, knowing Spike was hanging back in her room to give her time with her father, Buffy settled down on the couch with a picture album that sat in the center of his coffee table. She hadn’t really nosed through anything in the house, but now, she wondered what pieces of her father’s life would be inside to perhaps tell her why he’d been absent for so long.

But when she opened it up and began to thumb through the pages, all she found were pictures of her as a baby, and then there were pictures of her with a tiny Dawn. She smiled, touching the picture of her sitting on her father’s lap, while he had an arm around her mother. Joyce held a tiny newborn Dawn in her arms, as they all sat on the sofa the day Dawn came home from the hospital. Despite the false memories, it warmed Buffy’s heart.

She smiled a little, as she reached the pages and pages full of awkward school pictures, leading up to the last year that they were all living together as a family. Buffy couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the badass persona she’d seemed to have taken on. Leather jacket. Dark makeup. Hair highlighted with…what was that? Magenta?

“Wow,” she muttered. “Thank God for changing tastes.” She continued to look through the pictures, which stopped about a third of the way through the book. There were packets of developed pictures that had yet to be added to the album. Curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she was already opening them up to peer inside.

Her heart fluttered as she skimmed through the pack of photos from the summer she’d spent with her dad in L.A. It was the summer after she killed the Master. Each picture she was featured in showed the same glassy eyes; the same distant smile that held no real emotions whatsoever, except for the hidden ones that raged behind a calm demeanor.

She stuffed the pictures back into the envelope and opened up another one. These looked a little newer. They were of what looked like a family Christmas. Only, Buffy didn’t recognize anyone there. Well, except for her father. He had his arms all over some woman who looked like she’d stepped right out of a magazine. A few pictures later, he held two little girls on his lap, one on each knee. Buffy felt a stab of jealousy just then and quickly put the pictures away. She could hear him coming down the stairs, so she put the album back where it belonged.

When Hank re-emerged, he walked into the living room slowly and scanned the room, obviously trying to figure out where he should sit. He settled for the chair across from the couch, and he sat down slowly, eyes on Buffy, who was looking anywhere but at him.

Several awkward, silent moments passed before Hank cleared his throat.

“So, did you have a safe drive up?”

“We got here, didn’t we?” Wow. She hadn’t expected to sound so harsh so quickly.

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I mean, no problems?”

“It was fine.”

“Good. Did you…what is that?” Buffy caught her father’s gaze, and she watched him wrinkle his brow.

“What’s what?”

“On your neck.” Buffy’s eyes widened, and her hand flew up to the bite mark.

“Oh. That. Ummm…” She had to think fast, but before she had the chance to respond, her red face told him something else completely.

“Ah, on the other hand, maybe I don’t want to know.” Buffy quickly put moved her hair over the spot so it would be out of sight, and hopefully to God, out of mind.

“Good call,” she said with a nervous smile. “How was your trip?”

“Long. Boring. But I’m glad to be home.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly. Hank smiled again, seeming to relax some. “What?”

“I don’t know. It’s…you’ve just grown up…so much.”

“It’s been a while. You should see Dawn. You might not even recognize her.” Hank looked a little defeated.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“You guess?”

“Buffy, I don’t want to argue with you…”

“Oh really? That’s funny, because I have a few good years of arguing pent up that I’d just love to get out.”

“Buffy,” Hank said, holding his hands up in defense, “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything you and Dawn have been through. I don’t know what to say to make it up to you, but I want to try. If you could…if you could cut me a little slack…”

“A little slack? You didn’t even call when mom died!” Buffy spat.

“Ok. Wrong choice of words,” Hank said quietly.

“Surely you didn’t think us coming up here was all about some big, happy family reunion. Because this is far from a happy family. We’re barely a family anymore. After everything…”

“Buffy,” Hank breathed, “I don’t have any good excuses to give you for why I was gone. I’m not even gonna try, because you deserve better than that.” Buffy’s arms folded across her chest. “You’re a grown woman now.”

“Grown woman? Yeah, I guess I am,” Buffy said quietly. “I had to do a lot of that growing up stuff when Mom got sick. I had to play nurse to her, go to school, take care of Dawn, see my friends, my boyfriend, be the Sl...” Hank furrowed his brows. “I had to drop out of school, Dad.”

“I know. I…I’m sorry I…”

“If you could’ve done something. Sent money to help pay for a nurse…anything. Mom made money, but not enough to pay for her medical bills and pay a nurse. Dad…when we called you, we really weren’t looking for money.”

“I know. I didn’t think you were,” he explained. “I was out of the country, and I…”

“You couldn’t pick up a phone while you were busy with…who was it, again? Your secretary, or…”

“I was wrong, ok?” Buffy’s jaw closed tightly, and she let her father continue. “I got busy with work, and that’s when the visits became less often, and eventually, you were caught up with, whatever it was that your mother wouldn’t tell me you were caught up in your senior year, and then I guess I just stopped trying. When I had to cancel our visits, you got upset, and when I could make one, your mother always said you were busy.” Buffy flinched. “Was she lying to me, or were you…”

“She wasn’t lying,” Buffy said quietly. “She didn’t tell me you called that often.”

“I know. She told me that she was worried about you, because you were…you were into something. She wouldn’t tell me what it was, but I asked if there was anything I could do. She said there wasn’t, and that you could take care of yourself. She just didn’t want you getting distracted. And don’t think for a minute that I blame her. Whatever it was, you were better off focusing on…whatever it was.”

“I don’t blame her.”

“From then on, I guess I just stopped trying. You were going off to college, and by then, you were too busy to visit.” Buffy sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

“You didn’t call, Dad. I tried calling you a lot, and…and you never called back.”

“I was out of the country a lot, sweetheart,” he explained. “I was…I was seeing someone, and I was traveling a lot.”

“So that made you, what, incapable of picking up a phone and dialing a few numbers?” Her eyes were glassy again, this time due to the tears that were building up. She forced them back, however, not wanting to let him see her cry because of him.

“I don’t have any excuses there, Buffy. I talked to your sister a couple of times, but she…I don’t know, she seemed so distant. That first year, while you were in school, she was just sad because you weren’t home so much. She wanted to come visit me, but I was so busy, Buffy. I had projects lined up that would keep me away, and I didn’t want her staying her by herself.”

“So…when Mom got sick…”

“I was with Rosa. We were traveling around Europe. I did leave a number for you…”

“Yeah. And when Mom died, we tried to call you, but the number wasn’t any good. So I had to leave a message with your secretary, which funnily enough, was a temp, because your real secretary was with you.”

“When I found out,” Hank explained, “I wanted to come see you, but Rosa needed me here.” Buffy was appalled.

“You wanted to stay here with your girlfriend instead of being with your kids when our mother just died?”

“I’m not saying my reasons were right, Buffy. There was just so much going on, and…”

“It doesn’t make up for the fact that you chose your stupid girlfriend over us. Are you even still with her?”

“No,” he said quickly. “We’re not together anymore. And…and I didn’t choose her over you. I…she was in the hospital. She went into premature labor, and the baby was…” Buffy felt a cold chill run up her spine. “Buffy, I had to be there. And I thought…I thought you and Dawn could take care of yourselves. I planned to come visit. I swear to you, I did. But with the baby being so sick, I just…”

“You have another kid?” Buffy wasn’t sure if she should be even more hurt or disgusted by the fact that her dad chose his secretary and their kid over her and her sister.

“Had,” Hank said quietly. “The baby didn’t make it past a couple of months. He was too early, and even though we got to take him home, there were complications. He was…”

“A boy,” Buffy said quietly. This wasn’t the time for some son-he-never-had speech, and she knew that. So, she just bit her tongue.

“After that, Rosa packed up her and the girls and left. She said she couldn’t stay anymore. And it hurt, Buffy. Losing all of them like that. I thought about coming to see you all, but I just couldn’t do it. As much as I loved you, I couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t come see your own daughters?”

“Because it just made it hurt worse. You and Dawn were already angry with me, and I knew that. What kids wouldn’t be mad at their dad for not calling…not coming by. After everything you went through…I just thought my being there might make it worse.” Buffy took a few deep breaths.

“Well you were wrong. Yeah, we would’ve been mad at you if you had come back, but at least we would’ve known you actually cared. Instead, you just…you disappeared, Dad. You were gone, and we didn’t know what to do.” She couldn’t hold her tears back anymore.

“I’m sorry for what happened to your son, but having a family with someone else doesn’t erase the family you left behind.” She shook her head. “I can’t…I’m going upstairs. I just can’t deal with this right now.”

“Buffy, please,” Hank called after her, standing up as she hurried out of the room. He took a deep breath, preparing to go after her, but by the time he reached the staircase, he could hear her door slam and the lock turn. He knew that all he could do now was wait until she was ready to talk to him again.

***

The moment she came through the door, eyes red from crying, face streaked with tears, he realized that he’d never seen her like this. Sure, he’d seen her more upset than he’d ever seen, but she’d usually held it in, maybe letting a few tears slip out. But he’d never seen her cry like this before. And it broke his heart.

“Buffy?” It was all he had to do before she let him take her into his arms. He stood there, holding her, rubbing her back, letting her cry it all out. He fought the urge to tear out of the room and give Hank Summers a good beating for upsetting Buffy like this, but he was tamed by her hands clutching his shirt and her warm tears dampening and soaking through the fabric.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling back and wiping her eyes. He took one of her hands in his and used his free hand to brush away a few stray tears. “I didn’t think I’d get so upset. I knew…I knew I’d get mad, but…”

“S’alright,” he assured her. “What happened?”

“I think…I…part of me wanted him to give me a really good reason why he didn’t call, but the best he could come up with was that it was too hard.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand, Spike. I just…I just don’t get it.”

“I don’t either, pet,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “Don’t know how anybody wouldn’t want you in their life.”

“The worst part,” she whispered, “is that he had another family. He did. And that family’s gone now, and…and I know I shouldn’t feel like this, but it’s like…like Dawn and I are second best.”

“What do you mean, pet?” She shook her head.

“He had a baby with some…Rosa woman. It was when Mom...”

“That so?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. “I had a brother.” She shook her head. “He died, and Rosa left him. And he just stayed alone. He didn’t come see us. I want to be mad at him for it…I want to hate him. But he lost a baby, and…”

“And that’s terrible,” he said comfortingly, “but it doesn’t mean he can cast off the two girls he already had.” Buffy looked up into his soft, blue eyes, and she sniffled.

“That’s what I said.”

“You were right, luv. He might be hurting, but you and Dawn…you had a world of pain of your own to deal with. You shouldn’t have had to go through it alone.” Buffy relaxed in his arms again, and they lay down together on the bed. She took solace in his cool embrace, closing her eyes and simply thinking of nothing but the way his arms felt around her. When she was there, she felt like she could breathe again.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “You shouldn’t have to…”

“Shh,” he assured her. “I’m here for you, pet. I’ll always be here for you.” He kissed the top of her head, and she looked up into his eyes. He gave her a reassuring smile and gently rubbed her back. “Don’t forget that, alright?”

“’Kay,” she agreed with a nod, leaning up to kiss him. “Thank you.” He squeezed her a little harder, and she completely relaxed, trying not to think about her anger or frustration; trying to focus on everything she had despite the sloppy tear in the fabric of her life where her father used to be.

***

“I don’t understand,” Dana said, pacing her room frantically. Giles was alone with her, but he felt assured that she was still restrained by shackles. “What are these for?”

“They’re just precautionary, I assure you.” He attempted to sound convincing.

“Why am I here? Who are you?”

“You’ve been having dreams, correct?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I can’t remember much of anything.”

“You feel stronger? Feel like there’s something you should be doing?” Dana looked at him, eyes wide and frightened. “You’re a Slayer, Dana. Do you know what that means?”

“No,” she whispered, lower lip trembling. “I can’t remember…”

“You were in a state of catatonia. You’re coming out of it.”

“How?”

“Mr. Travers,” he said with a nod toward the window. “He administered a drug that…”

“He drugged me? Why? What was wrong with me?” The door opened, and Travers stepped in.

“That’ll be enough for today. We should let Ms. Mullens get her rest.”

“What the Hell did you do to me?” Dana asked furiously, moving toward the man.

“Calm down, Dana. You’ll feel much better after you’ve relaxed.

“What’s a Slayer?” she urged.

“Rest now,” Travers suggested. “You’ve had a big day. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” With that, he and Giles stepped out of the room, and the door heavily clinked shut behind them. Travers turned to Giles. “So…will you help us? Will you train her?”

“I’m making you no promises, Mr. Travers,” Giles insisted. “But I would like more time with the girl. I want to be certain that I’m not about to train someone who may very well be intent on killing innocent people.”

***

“I don’t know how to introduce you,” Buffy said quietly, as she sat next to Spike on the bed. “I feel like you’re more than my boyfriend.”

“I kind of am, luv.” Buffy looked up at him. “We’re bonded now. A claim is like a marriage. It might not be on paper, but its…well, it’s physical…in us.” Buffy nodded.

“Yeah. I know. I’m still a little wigged about the whole ‘extra goodies’ thing.” She shivered a little.

“Yeah. Thing is, and I don’t plan on finding this out for many, many years, is that when one of us goes, the other goes.”

“You mean…if some demon kicks my ass and manages to snap my neck, you’ll die too? Like that? Poof?”

“Poof,” he said with a somber nod.

“And you claimed me knowing that?”

“Well, sure. Not like I’d have anything to live for if you weren’t here.” He saw a sad smile pull at her lips. “Problem is, if I get dusted…”

“So goes me.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “In theory.”

“Well, let’s not think about that then. You just stay away from sunlight and pointy things, and I’ll try not to get myself killed. Deal?” She held out her hand matter-of-factly, and he shook it before bringing it to his lips for a tender kiss. “Maybe that’s the only ‘extra goody’ we get, huh?”

“Maybe,” Spike replied quietly. “We’re going to have to tell your watcher. He’ll need to be on the up and up in case he decides he’s had enough of a vampire hanging around his slayer.”

“You’re right,” Buffy replied quietly. It would have to happen sooner or later. Better to make it sooner. “Still don’t know how to introduce you to my dad. I’m tempted to not introduce you at all and just leave.”

“But then you’d always regret not fixing things between you.”

“Have you been watching Dr. Phil?” Spike made a face at her.

“You do know he’s an Ethros demon, don’t you?”

“What? No way!”

“Ponce gets in good with Oprah, and he makes it big. Thinks he’s God’s bloody gift to…”

“Is Oprah a demon too?”

“Polls aren’t in on that one yet,” Spike said with a raised eyebrow. Clearing his throat, he got back to the subject at hand. “S’alright, pet. I’m here, so just remember that.”

“Alright, but please don’t wig out on him. I mean, he might be the bastard that left me and Dawn high and dry, but he’s still my dad. I don’t want my…pseudo husband to make him into a tasty snack.”

“I’m off humans, luv. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know,” she teased. She took a deep breath. “I guess it’s now or never, huh?” He stood up, and he pulled her up with him.

“Now or never.”

Chapter 27: Meet the Parent

It was just after sundown when Buffy and Spike emerged from upstairs. Dawn and Jake were seated in the living room with Hank. Dawn seemed to look somewhat happy, and Buffy was glad for that.

“Buffy!” Dawn exclaimed, waving her sister over. “We were just talking about that time we went to Disneyland, and you totally threw up on Goofy.”

“I did not!” Buffy exclaimed, her hand seeking out Spike’s as they walked into the living room together. He laced his fingers through hers and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “That was you, liar.”

“No, I think she’s right, Buffy. Remember, you just had that big plate of nachos,” Hank explained. Buffy made a face.

“Ok. Enough with the trip down memory lane.” Spike smirked next to her. When Buffy and Spike sat down on the couch, she looked across at her father, who looked somewhat uncomfortable now. Good, she thought. I hope he squirms. Deciding to put her outburst later behind her for now, she looked at Spike and then at her father. “Dad, this is Spike. Spike, this is my dad, Hank Summers.”

“Mr. Summers,” Spike said casually.

“Nice to meet you…Spike.” The way Hank said Spike’s name sounded oddly similar to the way Giles said it…only not British. “Do you have an, um, actual name, or did your parents have a sense of humor?”

“Dad.”

“S’alright,” he chuckled. “My given name’s William Pratt, but I haven’t gone by William centu…uh, decades.” Buffy smirked, internally. Yeah. Try over ten decades.

“Decades? Exactly how old are you?” Hank asked, eyeing Spike. Spike cleared his throat and smiled a little.

“Twenty seven.”

“And my daughter is twenty.”

“I’ll be twenty one next month,” she corrected.

“Still, that’s…that’s quite an age difference, don’t you think?” Hank wondered. Buffy thought hard about asking him why he wanted to play the concerned father now, but she decided against it.

“Not really,” Buffy replied with a shrug. Besides, she thought, if you knew how old he really was, you’d know he looks great for his age. Hank, realizing that he wasn’t in any position to criticize his daughter’s choice in men, backed off.

“Alright. How’s your head, Spike?”

“Huh?”

“Buffy said you have migraines.”

“Oh. That. Yeah. It’s fine, thanks.”

“Well, how do you all feel about pizza for dinner? There’s a great little place down the road. I’m paying,” Hank offered.

“Yeah, it’s about time,” Buffy muttered under her breath. Spike was, seemingly, the only one to notice.

“Anchovies?” Dawn asked.

“Uh,” Hank said with a grimace, “I forgot you had your mother’s taste in pizza. Alright, I’ll get one with anchovies just for you.” He patted her head, and she smiled, like she was five or something. Buffy grimaced.

“Great,” Buffy murmured. “Spike and I are gonna go for a walk. We’ll be back before the pizza gets here.” Spike raised an eyebrow and looked at her, and she just nodded at him.

“Right. If we’re late, save us some.”

“Why are you looking at me?” Dawn scoffed. “It’s not like you’re going to eat much anyway.” She pulled her lower lip under her upper teeth, pretending to have fangs. Buffy rolled her eyes, and she shook her head.

“Dawn, can I talk to you for a minute?” Buffy asked. Hank was already on the phone ordering pizza.

“’Kay,” Dawn said with a shrug, following her sister into the hall. “What’s up?”

“How’d your talk with Dad go?”

“It was ok,” she said with a shrug. “We didn’t talk much, because Jake was there, but…it was nice to see him again.” Buffy nodded.

“Look, Dad’s gonna have a lot of things to tell you when he gets the chance. I just…I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Just…I don’t want you to get your hopes up about us being one big, happy family again.”

“Dad said you were kinda upset earlier,” Dawn noted. “What happened?”

“We just got to talking. I got upset when we talked about…about after Mom died and why he didn’t come see us.” Dawn bristled.

“Why didn’t he?” she asked quietly, a hint of hesitance in her voice. Did she really want to hear this?

“Maybe I should just let him…”

“Buffy, spill,” Dawn ordered. “I can take it. I’m not a kid.”

“I know, Dawnie. I’m just…”

“Being the protective big sister. I get it. Spill.” Buffy sucked in a sharp breath.

“Dad had another family.”

“What?”

“That secretary he was with? She had some kids, and…and they had a son together.”

“Really?” Dawn asked, a little caught off guard. “We have a…a brother?”

“No,” Buffy said firmly. “He died, Dawnie. He was born early…around the time Mom died. And he was sick, so Dad stayed here. And when he died, Dad didn’t…he didn’t want…”

“He didn’t want to see the kids he forgot about,” Dawn pointed out bitterly.

“Dawn, just don’t…don’t freak out on him too bad when he tells you, ok? I just…I know he’s not been Father of the Year for…well, a long time, but…he thought he was doing the right thing.”

“By completely ignoring us?” Dawn’s voice was getting louder now.

“Dawn…”

“No. Don’t try to make excuses for him.”

“I’m not, Dawn. Believe me, I’m the last person who’d do that. I’m just saying…yeah, we lost somebody, but so did he. He lost a son, and then his family left him.”

“Serves him right,” Dawn spat. “He left us.”

“Dawnie…”

“Forget it.” Hank stepped into the hallway.

“Pizza’ll be here in twenty.” Dawn didn’t look at him.

“I’m not hungry.” With that, she headed up the stairs, and the door slammed loudly in place. Buffy turned to look at her dad.

“What’d you say to her, Buffy?”

***

Buffy sat next to the pool in her silky nightgown. Her legs were dangling into the cool water, and she stared at the reflection of the moon on the water’s surface. Everybody had gone to sleep, and after a long, long discussion between Dawn, Buffy, and their father, everyone seemed to be in much better spirits, except for Buffy. She couldn’t shake the fact that he’d just knowingly let his daughters struggle through the hardest time of their life.

She smooth sliding of the patio doors was followed by a swish as they closed shut. Spike sat down next to her, clad in his everyday clothes, seeing as he didn’t wear pajamas.

“S’late,” he murmured, lighting up a cigarette and taking a long drag.

“Yeah, I know,” she whispered. “I was quite the party crasher wasn’t I?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“I should’ve let Dad tell Dawn.”

“You were preparing her. You know how she is. She would’ve handled it worse than you did.” Buffy turned her head, resting her head on her own shoulder for a second, her silky blonde hair draping down into her eyes. Spike pushed it out of the way so he could see her better.

“I wanna hate him, Spike. I should hate him. But he’s my dad.” She turned back to look in the water. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get over what he did. How he just let us fend for ourselves. I don’t know what I would’ve done with Willow and Xander and Tara.” She smiled sadly, thinking about how different things were now. “They helped pull me through it. If they hadn’t been there, I don’t know if I’d even still have Dawn.”

“You would’ve made it work, luv. You adapt to any situation.”

“Some are harder.” She shrugged and watched the ripples in the water that came from the motion of her wiggling toes just beneath the surface. “You know, it’s funny. I thought I was mad at him for not being there before Mom got sick, but you know, I’m really not. I kinda gave up on him like he gave up on me. What gets to me is that he couldn’t take time out of his own life to even pick up a phone and call his daughters.” Spike reached over, brushing a lone tear from Buffy’s cheek.

“Don’t stake me for sayin’ this, pet, but…he’s human. He makes mistakes.”

“But this…this was…I don’t know if I can ever forgive him.”

“Do you want to?”

“Want to? Yeah. I think so. I just…I want to be mad at him, too.”

“That’s normal, pet. I’ve been around long enough to see when someone loves somebody so much that all they want is for that person to be happy. That’s what I see when your dad looks at you. Me, on the other hand, he looks at like he’d cut of my wrinklies and serve them to me on toast.” Buffy couldn’t help but smile a little at his attempt to lighten the mood. “You only get one dad, luv. Like it or not, that man in there is your dad. Maybe he isn’t the best one. I know if I ever had the chance to be a dad, I’d never let my daughter out of my sight until she was thirty. But I can’t speak for him. Everybody deals with things differently.”

“When did you get so wise?”

“I have my moments,” he smiled, pulling an arm around her. “Look, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But I’m sure your mum wouldn’t want you to stay mad forever.”

“I don’t know. She got pretty mad at Dad there at the end.”

“Yeah, but that was different. She wasn’t going to have to be linked to him any longer. You, however, have your whole life ahead of you, not taking into consideration your Slayer status.” Buffy shrugged.

“I guess. I guess I can give him a chance to be my Dad again.” She eyed Spike. “This doesn’t mean I forgive him yet, ‘cause I don’t. But…like you said, he’s human. He makes mistakes. God knows I’ve made my share. Nothing like abandoning my family, but still. I still want him to feel bad though. Really bad for what he did.”

“Luv, I think you’ve got a head start on that one just with my being here.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She sighed, feeling a lot better than she had when she’s slipped out here.

“How do you make everything seem so clear?” she wondered. “It’s like…a cloud’s lifted.”

“Maybe it’s part of the claim.”

“Nah, it’s been like that for a long time. Thanks.”

“Didn’t do anything…”

“Sure you did. You were here. That’s…well, it’s a lot, Spike. Really.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I never thought I’d say this, but…I don’t know what I’d do without you.” They sat like that for several minutes, before Buffy finally pulled back, standing up and slipping her gown off to reveal her completely naked body underneath.

“What…”

“I believe I’m supposed to make up for earlier, right?”

“Oh…right,” he recalled, memory going all foggy at the sight of her hardened nipples just ready for his mouth. She slipped silently into the pool, the water cold against her skin. But it was a cold she was used to, what with Spike as her living block of ice sleeping next to her most nights.

She disappeared under the surface for only a moment, coming back up, hair drenched, skin sparkling in the moonlight. “What’re you waiting for?” Without further prodding, Spike stepped out of his shoes and socks. The pants came sliding down his hips, and the shirt was next. She smiled as he looked apprehensively at the water before making a louder-than-she’d-hoped splash.

He disappeared under the surface for a very long minute, and had she known he didn’t need to come up for air, she’d have panicked. When he finally broke the surface, she giggled at the sight of his hair, half slicked back, half curled. Oh, what a sight he was. A gorgeous sight, but it still made her giggle. He took her into his arms, backing her up against the dark corner of the pool, his eyes sparkling as they stared into hers. He began to go back under the water, but she pulled him back up.

“I thought I was making it up to you?”

“We’ll get there, luv. I think I’m gonna like this swimming thing.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. “Think I’m gonna like it a lot.” With that, he disappeared under the water, throwing her legs over his shoulders. She let out a soft gasp as she realized that this would be a new experience for her. Never since she’d met him had she been so happy that he didn’t need to breathe.

She leaned her head against the side of the pool, gripping onto the edge as hard as she could, as Spike expertly worked on bringing her to orgasm beneath the surface of the water.

When she came, she let out a strangled moan, which immediately led to the barking of a neighbor’s dog. Just like that, a light in the house flipped on, and Buffy tugged at Spike’s ears, bringing him up.

“Oi…what…”

“Shh!” she hissed, clasping her hand over his mouth. “Don’t move.” The water lapped softly against their bodies, and soon it died down. She could see her father peering out of his window into the dark night, but when he didn’t see anything in the yard, he disappeared and the light went out. Buffy slowly moved her hand from his mouth. “That was close.”

“Right,” he muttered. “Now where were we?” He moved in for another kiss, but she put her hand against his mouth again. He tugged it away.

“What’s the idea, pet?”

“I think we should call it a night. Apparently I’m not as quiet as I thought…” Spike narrowed his eyes at her.

“You think you’re quiet? Maybe we ought to grab a camera…record…”

“Ew, no!” she hissed.

“Quiet, luv. Don’t want to wake the neighbors.” He kissed her softly. “Come on, let’s get you up to bed. No need to towel off…you’re already…” His hands moved to touch her under the water, “soaking wet.”

“It’s the pool.”

“Liar,” he teased, kissing her again. With that, he pulled himself out of the water and helped her out. With that, they gathered up their clothes, clutching them to their soaking wet bodies, and quietly slipped back into the house and up the stairs to the privacy of Buffy’s room.

***

“No. Dad, I’m not taking your money.”

“Buffy…”

“No! We’re doing fine.”

“That’s not what Dawn tells me,” Hank interjected. “I can’t make up for not being there, but I can help you get back on your feet.”

“We don’t need your help.” She folded her arms across her chest. Yeah, they did, actually, but she could be stubborn about it. “It’s too late to make up for…”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I can’t make up for any of the mistakes I’ve made. I know that now, and I’m not trying to. I just want to make sure that my children have what they need. Dawn’s worried about child services…”

“She is?” Hank gave her a little nod. “I…I didn’t know that.”

“She wants to stay with you, and Buffy, I know your love your sister, but love isn’t going to keep the state out of your home if you can’t provide for her. I want to help you.” He cleared his throat. “If you need it…I can take her in for a while, until you find a way to pay the bills.”

“No!” Buffy exclaimed. “Dawn has a life back in Sunnydale. She has school. She’s not staying here.”

“Um, hey, does Dawn get any say in this?” Dawn asked from the doorway. Buffy and Hank turned to see the youngest Summers girl come waltzing in, freshly dressed, hair still damp from the morning swim she and Jake had taken out on the beach. It was a small miracle that Dawn hadn’t wanted to use the pool, because even though barely anything had happened, Buffy didn’t want to think about her sister swimming where she and Spike had gotten a little frisky.

“Dawn,” Buffy said quietly. “Well, yeah, you get some say. Of course.” She eyed her sister carefully. “Why didn’t you tell me you were worried about getting taken away from me?”

“Because I didn’t want to stress you out. I know you have…a lot of things to do that keep you busy from getting a job. We still have some of mom’s money. But…but, it’s not gonna last much longer.”

“I know,” Buffy shivered, reality being served up in a heaping helping, much more than she would have liked right now.

“Look, I know it’s late…my offering this, but I want to help you, Buffy. I know I haven’t been the best dad. Actually, I’ve been a pretty lousy one,” Hank admitted, “but I’m still your dad, and I want to help. I can have Dawn stay for a while if it’s what you need. I can take care of her transferring schools.”

“No!” Dawn exclaimed. “I wanna stay in Sunnydale. Jake’s there.” Catching the gazes of her father and sister, she continued. “And Xander, Tara, and…and Willow, when she gets back. I don’t wanna leave, Dad.”

“You’re sure, honey? I know your mom had legal custody, but…”

“But now you’re…I guess you can have it back,” Buffy said quietly. “You want to fight me for Dawn?”

“No!” Hank said quickly. “I don’t. But if it’s best…if you don’t want to take my help, I could make it easier for both of you.”

“Well separating us isn’t going to make anything easier,” Buffy pointed out matter-of-factly.

“Then please…take this,” Hank offered, holding out an envelope.

“What? So it’ll help you sleep better at night?” Hank put the envelope down on the coffee table and stood up, putting his hands in the air.

“I don’t expect anything from you. If you leave and I never hear from the both of you after this trip, I’ll know you made the only choice you felt you could make. But I can’t say I won’t hate myself for the rest of my life for screwing up more than I ever thought I could. You can have the money. I won’t take it back. If you don’t want it, that’s your choice, but I’m not attaching any strings here. I may have messed up, but I’m still your dad, and I don’t want to see you suffer anymore than you already have.” With that, he walked out of the room, leaving Buffy and Dawn alone, staring at the package he’d left behind.

“Buffy…maybe we should…”

“Dawn, we don’t need his money.”

“Yes we do,” Dawn urged. “You might be the Slayer, but Slayers don’t get paid. Now, I think you should, because it’s probably the hardest job anybody could think to have. And you don’t have time for a real job. This’ll get us through for a while.” Buffy frowned.

“Maybe he’s right. Maybe you should stay in L.A. for awhile.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Dawn scowled. “No way. I’m going home with you. Take the money, Buffy. It won’t fix what he did, but he owes us.”

“I can’t, Dawnie. It’ll be like…like I’m letting it go if I accept it. I can’t let it go. Maybe it’d be healthier if I did.”

“Maybe,” Dawn said quietly. “You’re right. You shouldn’t take it if that’s how you feel.” With that, she snatched up the envelope.

“What’re you doing?”

“You heard him. He’s not taking it back. I’m due for some new clothes. Oh, and there’s a nice car I saw somewhere between here and Sunnydale. I think I’ll buy it.”

“What?! Dawn, give me that,” Buffy warned, holding out her hand.

“No. If you’re gonna be stupid and not take a little help from our dad…our dad who’s trying to offer us something after everything that’s happened, I’m gonna spend it on something practical.”

“Yeah, like a shiny new car? Fine. Give it to me,” Buffy seethed.

“Only if you promise you’ll put it in the bank.”

“Fine!” she hissed. “But I’m not promising I’ll spend it.”

“You’ll spend it. Because pretty soon, mom’s funds are gonna drain dry, and then where’ll we be?”

“I hate that I can’t just tell you to get lost and threaten to beat you up like when you were little.”

“Shyeah, like that ever worked anyway,” Dawn said with a roll of her eyes. “Now come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the bank.”

“Now?!”

“Yes, now.”

“He actually got to you, didn’t he?”

“I don’t forgive him for abandoning us, but I don’t hate him either. And I know you don’t, Buffy. He’s trying, and the money? He has plenty of it. So stop being so stubborn.”

“When did you turn into the rational grown up?”

“I have my moments,” Dawn said with a smirk. “Come on. Please.”

“Fine. Just…hold on. I need to talk to Dad first.” With that, she left the room, only to find her dad just around the corner. “Oh! Geez. Eavesdropping, much?”

“I’m glad you came to your senses. That’s the girl I raised.”

“For fourteen years,” Buffy pointed out.

“Yeah, but you were always headstrong and had a lot of common sense when you wanted to.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Like I said, Buffy, I can’t make up for what I did. But I do love you and Dawn. That never changed. I’m never going to forgive myself for what happened when your mom got sick. Life just turns out differently than you expect.” He shook his head. “I never thought Joyce would get sick, you know? Even when we were dating, I never saw her sick. Not even a sniffle. I just didn’t know how to believe it.”

“Yeah. She was always super Mom. If she didn’t feel well, she hid it. But it got to the point when she couldn’t hide it anymore.” Buffy felt her eyes dampening again. “Then we thought it was over. We thought the surgery was the end of it.” She let a few tears fall free. “I was scared, Dad. I didn’t know what to do when I walked in and found her like…like that.”

“I’m so sorry, Buffy,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I should have been. I…”

“Don’t,” she said briskly. “Please, just…don’t.”

“Ok. Is...is there anything…?”

“I didn’t know how to go on after that. It was like I was on pause, and the world around me was in slow motion. I had to be strong for Dawn. I couldn’t let her see me cry, but that just…it made it worse. She needed me to be strong, but at the same time, she didn’t need to be alone feeling like she did.” She shook her head. “I didn’t want to involve her in the funeral arrangements, but that made things worse. I just…I wanted to protect her, you know?”

“I know, Buffy,” he said, guilt playing over his face.

“And you…you weren’t there. And for a minute, I thought that was good, because…because I could do it on my own. But when it came down to it, I needed you. You weren’t there, and I needed my dad!” Her shoulders were shaking now, but the anger was gone. When he looked at her, all he could see was his little girl desperate to cling to a part of her life she’d thought she’d lost. But she was having trouble letting go of all of the hurt.

“It’s ok to not be strong sometimes, sweetheart,” Hank whispered, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She moved away from him. He’d sounded so much like her mother just then.

“Mom said that to me once,” Buffy sniffled. “When she was laying in bed sick. She told me it was ok. I’d never let her see me cry like that before.” She couldn’t stop the outpouring of emotion now. The floodgate had slammed opened, and there was no off switch.

Hank stepped closer to Buffy, and this time, she didn’t shrink away. “Before the surgery, when she thought she was gonna die, she told me…do you wanna know what she told me?” Hank swallowed hard and nodded slowly. “She told me to forgive you. She knew I was upset that you didn’t come to us. She said she knew you were a good man, and whatever reason you had for being away, it had to be good.” She wiped at her eyes. “And I told her nothing was more important than our family, and you let it slip away. You let us go.” She blinked a few more tears out, and a fresh batch began to well in her eyes. “I want to hate you, Dad. I want to, but I can’t. And it makes me angry, because I think hating you would be the only thing that would make me feel…”

“Better?” he guessed. Buffy nodded.

“But I don’t! I don’t hate you. I didn’t know about Rosa. Or about your baby. I just…even if I had, I’m not sure I could’ve cared then. Not with mom…not with everything going on.” She swallowed hard. “I needed my Dad. I needed you, and you weren’t there.”

“I’m so sorry,” he offered, not knowing what else he could possibly say. “I wish I could fix it. I wish I could take it back.” Buffy was standing before him now, a completely wreck, and the lump in his throat grew bigger. “Can I…” She only nodded, and he stepped in, enveloping her into his arms. With that, she crumpled against his chest, and he held her tight, kissing the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

Chapter 28: Merry Christmas Eve

The next few days went much more smoothly. Sure, things were still tense between the Summers girls and their dad, but at the same time, the air was clearing, and Buffy and her dad had actually shared a couple of laughs. Things would never be the same between Buffy and her father. They’d never have the relationship they’d once had, and she was sure of it, but it was nice that they were talking now. In the past couple of days, Buffy had had a couple minor little outbursts in his direction, but they’d managed to talk through things, and the tears had ceased for the time being. Still, Buffy wasn’t quite sure she would ever see him again after this visit. Part of her was oddly at peace with the idea.

Today was especially cheerful around the Hank Summers home. It was Christmas Eve morning, despite the fact that it looked more like late afternoon with all of the shades drawn, and any uneasy feelings were set aside while everyone passed around gifts. Back before the divorce and everything, it had been a tradition for them to do their family Christmas on Christmas Eve and go around visiting other relatives on Christmas day. This year, they’d decided to go with the once time-honored tradition, despite the fact that that tradition had fizzled out the year after the move to Sunnydale.

Hank had presented Buffy and Dawn with gift cards to stores he knew that they had in the Sunnydale area. At first fearing that his gifts wouldn’t be good enough, he was eased by his daughters’ telling him that money for clothes was always of the good.

In return, they’d bought their father a gift card to a restaurant they remembered him enjoying. Spike couldn’t help but realize that the Summers family wasn’t big on the whole going out and shopping for the perfect gift aspect of Christmas. But they seemed pleased with their presents, so he didn’t say a word.

Dawn had bought Jake some advanced guitar lessons, which he thanked her for with an uncomfortably long kiss that made Buffy squirm. Spike just squeezed her hand, and she reminded herself that it was Christmas, and she and Spike did much worse in the shower that morning.

Jake had presented Dawn with a lovely little charm bracelet, and Buffy couldn’t help but glance at Spike, wondering if he’d gotten her anything. She’d told him one night that he didn’t have to worry about it, but he never mentioned it either. Still, if he didn’t, that was ok, because she wasn’t too thrilled with the gift she’d finally settled on for him.

“Here Dawnie, open mine now,” Buffy urged, pushing a gift her sister’s way. Dawn handed Buffy an unwrapped present in exchange. The two grinned at each other as if they were still small children hurrying to be the first one to open their gift. Dawn squealed with delight when she saw a shirt similar to one she often snagged out of Buffy’s closet.

“I got you your own so you stop stealing mine,” Buffy laughed.

“Thanks, Buffy!” Dawn laughed. “Now hurry up and open mine, slowpoke.”

“Ok, ok.” She quickly tore the paper off and tossed it over her shoulder. Inside was a heart-shaped locket, sans chain.

“I couldn’t afford the chain.”

“Oh, Dawnie, it’s beautiful. I have the perfect chain at home.” She grinned, examining the little trinket.

“Open it up.” Buffy used her nails to gently pry open the locket, and inside was a little black and white picture of Buffy, Dawn, and their mother taken a few months before Joyce grew ill. Buffy’s eyes welled with tears, and Spike gently rubbed her back.

“I love it, Dawn. Thank you…thank you…” She placed the locket back in the little box it came in, not wanting to lose such a touching gift.

“Ok. Who’s left? Buffy, Spike?” Hank asked, scanning the sleepy Christmas crowd.

“Oh yeah,” Buffy muttered. She pulled out a little box, and he pulled out a box that was coincidentally, quite similar.

“You go first,” Buffy offered, handing him his gift. Spike eyed her with a curious smile before taking the gift from the wrapper. He couldn’t hold his tongue at the sight of the little black box.

“Something you want to ask me, luv? ‘Cause traditionally, the man does the asking…”

“Shut up and open it,” she said with a coy smile and a roll of her eyes. He opened the top of the box, and Buffy’s heart jumped at the look in his eyes. He was utterly shocked.

“Where…where did you…”

“Anya gave me a great deal,” Buffy remarked. It was a simple white gold ring, similar to one he already wore, only in the center was a solid black stone. “It’s obsidian. I picked out the least girly one. It just reminded me of you for some reason. Plus, hey, it goes with everything you wear.”

“I love it, pet. Thank you.” He leaned in to kiss her, and Buffy’s hand squeezed his thigh, eliciting a clearing throat from the other side of the room. Reluctantly, she pulled away. “Ooh, my turn!” Spike handed her the box, and she braced herself, wondering if vampires had good taste in Christmas gifts.

“Guess there’s a jewelry theme this year, eh?” he asked, as Buffy opened the box and focused on the necklace delicately placed inside. It was a dainty white gold, teardrop necklace, only in the center of the pendant was a gorgeous peridot stone.

“Spike…it’s gorgeous…I love it!”

“Was gonna get you your birthstone, but I thought this would match your eyes.” Buffy could have melted right then and there, but instead, she turned around, motioning for him to put it on her. When he had the little clasp fixed, Buffy touched the beautiful stone, and she smiled from ear to ear.

“Wow,” Dawn whispered. “That’s…how did you pay for that?”

“Dawn!” Buffy exclaimed. “That’s…”

“S’alright,” Spike said with a chuckle. “I didn’t nick it. I had some money saved back, and…”

“You steal things?” Hank asked. Spike cleared his throat, and Buffy jumped to the defense.

“He was kidding,” she said with a forced laugh. “He’s such a kidder.” Spike followed Buffy’s lead and forced a fake laugh, too, and Buffy smiled at her dad.

“So, uh, Spike,” Hank said thoughtfully, “I don’t think I ever asked how long you and Buffy have been…together.”

“Not quite two months,” Spike pointed out.

“That’s an awfully expensive present to get a girl you’ve only been dating a couple of months.” Spike pulled his arm around Buffy’s shoulders.

“Yeah, well, she deserves it.”

“I won’t argue there,” Hank offered, “but, uh what is it that you do, exactly? You never really…”

“Spike’s between jobs right now, Dad,” Buffy pointed out. “He, um, he uh…well, he’s done some work in graveyards, and sometimes…he, um, helps out at our friends’ magic shop.” She bit her tongue. Saying the work ‘friends’ in reference to Xander and Anya felt like a big stretch these days, and that made her sad. She flinched and looked up at Spike. “Right, sweetie?” Spike had to take a moment to figure out his answer, as hearing her call him by those pet names still felt so new.

“Uh, right,” Spike said with a nod. “I play a bit of poker too, and I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself.” Hank looked at him suspiciously. “Do you play poker, Mr. Summers?”

“I do, actually. There isn’t much profit in gambling, unless you’re lucky.”

“He gets lucky a lot,” Buffy pointed out, suddenly realizing how dirty that actually sounded. Her eyes widened, and Dawn snorted a laugh. Even Jake, who was usually pretty laid back, couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. “I mean…well, you know what I mean.”

“Well, I do hope you’ll take care of my daughter. Same goes for you too, uh, Jake. I know you’re sixteen and just getting a little independence, but that doesn’t mean you can treat my daughter any…”

“Dad,” Dawn warned. It was Buffy’s turn to smirk. Finally the pressure was being focused somewhere other than on Spike. “Hey, I have an idea. Let’s go to the mall… and see if we can spend some of these gift cards.” Buffy shot her sister a look, and Dawn backpedaled. “Uh, I mean, let’s…uh, watch movies! Yeah, I hear the Grinch is going to be on later…”

“Oh, what the heck? Let’s go to the mall. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to shop with teenage girls. At least I won’t be alone in my misery, right fellas?” He looked from Jake to Spike. Buffy looked at Spike, panicking.

“Um, you guys go on. I’m kinda beat…all that getting up early and stuff. Spike, you look kinda pale…is your head hurting?”

“He always looks kinda pale,” Dawn whispered under her breath. Buffy shot her a glare, but Spike cleared his throat, catching on to Buffy’s hint.

“Uh, yeah. You, uh, wanna grab my…um…headache pills, pet?”

“Sure,” she said with a nod, standing up. “Go on…it’s ok, really. If Spike’s feeling up to it, I’ll drag him with me later before some of the shops close.”

“If you’re sure,” Hank said with a concerned head tilt. “Well, alright. We’ll bring home something for lunch.”

“’Kay,” Buffy said with a nod. “Have a good time. And Jake? I hope you lift weights, because knowing my sister, she’s gonna have a lot to carry.”

“Oh yeah, like you have room to talk, Miss Buy-Every-Pair-of-Shoes-in-the-Store.” Dawn flashed her sister a teasing grin as she disappeared around the corner. Buffy relaxed against the couch, shrugging her shoulders.

“I didn’t buy every pair,” she insisted. At that moment, Spike pounced, pulling her around and laying her back that he could crawl over her on the couch.

“Alone at last,” he murmured suggestively, as his hands began to maneuver up her silky shirt. Buffy laughed.

“You don’t waste any time, do you?” she giggled, as his lips and tongue tortured the soft flesh of her neck.

“Mmmffffflufff,” he murmured. She laughed harder. His fingers dug into her sides, tickling her ribs.

“Oh my God! No! Stop!” she laughed, kicking her legs but not hindering the vampire one little bit.

“How long’ll they be gone?” he asked before diving down to suckle at the hollow of her throat. She tilted her head back and tried to focus on his question.

“Mnah,” she moaned, closing her eyes.

“Hmm?” he urged, his hands working with her zipper, shimmying her jeans down her hips enough that he could slip a few fingers under the waist of her underwear, feeling how wet she was for him.

“Shopping…could be…oh…hours,” she moaned. “Plus, it’s Christmas Eve. Last minute shoppers. Could be….days,” she teased.

“Who’s the lucky vampire?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. Buffy smiled before sucking in a sharp breath as his thumb began a rhythmic dance around her clit.

“Oh fuck,” she moaned. “Spike…” He started to pull her pants all the way down, but she stopped him.

“Not here. Too…weird,” she said with a shake of her head.

“What? We did it in the bloody bathtub last night and this morning in the…” Buffy shot him a look and he sighed, pulling himself off of her, trying to remain upright while his cock strained harder against his jeans. “Up you go, then.” He pulled on her hands, tugging her up. As soon as she was standing, she took off in a mad dash for the stairs. “Oi! Wait up! Do you know how bloody hard it is for a man to run when he’s this sodding…hard?” But she showed no signs of stopping. Instead, he was hit in the face by her bra first and then her shirt as they came floating down the stairs. He took the garments in his hands, wondering for a moment how she’d gotten the bra off first, but picking up the speed as he realized he didn’t really care. The only thing his cock would let him think as he shortened the gap between him and the Slayer was: Naked Buffy. By the time he reached her bedroom door, she was lying on her bed, legs spread for him, every inch of her naked body looking particularly delicious.

Buffy could see his eyes darken from across the room, and she smiled, waving her finger in the air as he started to cross the threshold.

“Ah, ah.”

“What? Buffy, come on…”

“You have to be at least this naked to enter,” she said with a sultry grin, moving her hands down her breasts to clamp against her pussy. She began to wriggle there on the bed, and he stood, jaw dropped, at the sight of her starting without him.

“Think I’m gonna like this ride,” he practically purred from the door. She laughed as his shoes went flying, making two hard smacks against the wall. As she arched her back, her own hands moving rhythmically against her sopping pussy, he finished undressing himself and pounced. She gasped as she felt his cool body slide over hers, his mouth attacking hers with such ferocity that she lost her breath for a moment.

Her scent was driving him mad, and he began to descend down her body, wanting to go slow and torture her. But his own needs won out, and he found himself already suckling on her throbbing clit.

“Oh God. Spike…oh…yeah,” she moaned, her voice going up an octave at the end. “Please…oh God…don’t stop.” He plunged two fingers into her tight entrance, always amazed at how tight she was after all of the mind blowing shagathons they’d had over the past couple of months. It was just one more thing he adored about her.

He replaced his fingers with his tongue, the cool, firm pressure bringing her over the edge, as his thumb tended to the needs of her clit.

“Oh God! I’m gonna…ohhhhh…..” She let out a few slow breaths as Spike lapped up her juices and then rested his chin on her stomach with a satisfied grin.

“Merry Christmas Eve, luv.”

“Oh…best…present…ever,” she gasped between hearty gulps of air.

“Thought the necklace…”

“Close second. Definitely,” she said with an urgent nod. He crawled back up to kiss her, and she moaned at the taste of her own come on his lips. His tongue danced with hers for several long minutes, and he groaned against her lips when he felt her hand wrap around his cock. She began to pump slowly, rubbing her thumb over the tip, making his shudder and bury his head into her neck.

“Your turn,” she said, eyes twinkling. She let go of his cock long enough to use her strength to pull him onto his back. She straddled his knees, her hips keeping them firmly against the mattress. Spike folded his arms behind his head so he could see her better, and she smiled, reaching a hand between her own legs and bringing it back to his cock, slathering it with her juices.

“Oh fuck,” he grunted, nearly coming right on the spot. She smiled devilishly and brushed her hair behind her shoulders. Finally, she swooped down, taking him in as far as she could stand, and then rolling back up, sucking her cheeks in and lingering a little longer on his tip. She released him, and his cock flopped back onto his belly. “Christ!”

“More?”

“Oh God yes,” he groaned, as her hand began pumping him again. She smiled with satisfaction, leaning down again, this time to trace her tongue along the head, tasting the salty drop of pre-come that was slowly beginning to slide down his shaft.

He watched her intently. Those gorgeous green eyes sparkled as her matching necklace swung back and forth, and her breasts bounced along with her. The longer he watched her, the closer he felt to exploding, and when she could feel that familiar quiver, she reached down, cupping his balls, giving them a firm but gentle squeeze.

“Slayer!” he roared out, spurting into her mouth, as she took down every last drop. When he was finished, she released him, crawling up to rest against him, smacking her lips a little.

“Tasty,” she smiled.

“Glad you enjoy it, pet. I prefer the taste of Slayer.”

“Hopefully just one Slayer,” she warned him.

“Just one. Just you,” he promised, stroking her soft hair. After a few minutes of silence, she couldn’t help but chuckle again. “What’s so funny?”

“You,” she laughed.

“Me? Why am I funny?”

“You could’ve been an actor. I’ve never seen you so…well-behaved. I thought for sure you’d…”

“Ye of little faith.”

“What? No. It’s just…well, things with my dad haven’t been…well, fantastic. They’ve been bordering on terrible, but you’re Switzerland. You’re neutral.”

“Not neutral, luv. I’m completely on your side. Think he’s a bleedin’ idiot.”

“Well,” she said, patting his chest, “at least when he’s in the room, you behave.”

“And I don’t other times?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. She laughed.

“They’ve been gone less than fifteen minutes, and we’re already naked. And sweaty.” Her hand traveled between his legs, feeling his cock twitch as her little hand wrapped around it. She began to pump him until she felt him begin to stiffen again. With a smile, she kissed his lips.

“Right…” Spike suggested, “no more talk about your dear old dad then.” Buffy smiled, and she let him roll her onto her back, and after several minutes of clumsy kisses, mindless groping, and desperate cries of desire, he plunged into her, roaring as he did so.

She bit his shoulder, knowing she was playing with fire, and she moaned against his cool flesh, as he began to rock his hips against hers. She moved with him, helping him set a steady pace, and as she suckled on his cool neck, she let her teeth do some of the work, scraping and nipping, but not breaking the skin.

“Buffy,” he groaned, as her hand moved to his ass and pulled him in closer.

“Here…” She lifted up a leg, draping it over his hip so he could adjust better, and he slid a little further into her, feeling as if he were being pulled into an inferno. A very wet, very tight, very mouth-watering little inferno.

His thumb pressed against her clit again, and she nipped at his shoulder.

“Playing with fire, luv,” he groaned into the pillow case her head rested on. She heard him loud and clear, but her mouth moved up his neck again, and her tongue trailed along, feeling the rumble from the strong groans he let out. She smiled, reveling in the knowledge that she could do such things to him.

“Yes!” she cried out, as his teeth grazed against her neck in response, and his thumb continued to torture her clit. He was pounding into her now, and he wondered if the average woman could take it. But this was no average woman. This was the bloody Slayer.

“Getting warmer,” she moaned, letting him know he too was playing with fire. But when the head of his cock hit her cervix, she climaxed and cried out, her teeth digging into his neck until she tasted blood.

“Buggering…fuck!” he spat out, his face changing, his teeth elongating. She pulled back, surprise in her eyes. This wasn’t the first time they’d done this, but damn, each time felt like the first time. She turned her head, pulling her hair out of the way. He found the soft, slightly discolored puncture marks, and he closed his mouth over it, sinking his fangs in until he felt the warm surge of blood pooling into his mouth and rushing down his throat as he spilled his seed inside her.

When he heard her cries turn to whimpers, he pulled back, his face turning back into the same smooth, flawless one she’d grown to adore. His fangs retracted, and he was left with Slayer blood on his lips. He quickly licked it away and pulled out of her, rolling on his side, feeling that primal reaction to gasp for breath despite his needing to.

“Oh…my God,” Buffy breathed, hand pressing to her wounded neck. She turned to face him, and he saw the blood still seeping out. Leaning forward, he pressing his lips against the soft flesh and tenderly traced his tongue over the marks until the blood ceased. When he pulled back, Buffy surveyed the damage on his neck. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, but she could see teeth marks.

“That’s…that’s gonna be interesting to explain,” she said with a sheepish smile.

“S’alright,” he said with a sated smirk, pulling her against his cool body. They lay together, both enjoying the silence that came after earth-shattering sex. It was a time when no words needed to be spoken. But Buffy lifted her head anyway, smiling.

“Spike?”

“Hmm?”

“Merry Christmas Eve.”

Chapter 29: Daddy’s Little Slayer

“I have to say…this is a first,” Dawn mumbled through loud crunches on a handful of potato chips. “A campfire on the beach on Christmas? Definitely not on my list of bad Christmas traditions.” She wriggled her toes in the sand. Jake smiled at her and took another large bite of his third hotdog. The boy was skinny as a rail and just starting to get a little muscle on him, but he didn’t look like he could hold much more food inside of him. But as was the case with most teenage boys, it was a mystery where they put all that food.

Spike was seated in the sand, knees bent, legs open, Buffy sitting between them, leaning her back against his chest. Hank and Spike were fully dressed, but Jake was in his swimming shorts, and Buffy and Dawn both wore their swimming suits. Dawn’s was a blue bikini with a matching sarong, while Buffy opted for the black bikini with a matching sarong around her hips.

“Want a s’more?” Buffy asked, offering the gooey glop of melted chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers to Spike.

“No thanks, not hungry,” he said with a smirk. She situated herself between his legs, only to feel something poking her in the backside. She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes questioning his. He leaned in, brushing his lips over her ears. “Sorry, luv. It’s your bloody fault wearing that skimpy little thing.” Buffy just grinned at him and popped the rest of the s’more in her mouth. “On second thought…” He pulled her sticky hand up to his mouth and licked her fingers. Each newly clean finger popped from his mouth with a resounding smack. Dawn made a face, and Hank cleared his throat.

“Who wants more hot dogs?” he asked.

“Uch, I’m stuffed,” Buffy groaned, placing her hand on her belly.

“Me too,” Dawn replied.

“I’ll take another one…sir,” Jake said, clearing his throat. Hank popped another hot dog off of the stick he’d been holding over the fire. It landed on Jake’s plate, and the teen quickly gobbled it up.

“Spike? Are you sure you’re not hungry? You haven’t eaten much…” Spike had eaten half of a hot dog out of courtesy. But he’d gone through two bottles of beer.

“Don’t have much of an appetite, but thanks,” Spike replied. He whispered something else in Buffy’s ear, and her cheeks turned bright pink.

“I think we’re gonna go for a walk. ‘Kay?”

“Alright, but don’t be too long. I could use some help cleaning this up.”

“Don’t worry,” Buffy said with a quick nod. “We won’t be long.” She stood up, and Spike stood with her, quickly kicking the other half of his hot dog into the fire without anyone noticing. But just before they could turn to leave, a shrill scream startled everyone around the fire.

Peering around, there was no sign of life. The beach was always empty at night. It was L.A. after all.

“Did you hear that?” Jake wondered.

“We all heard that,” Dawn replied, quickly glancing at her sister. Buffy looked around, trying to spot whom the scream might have come from. Luckily for the group, a vampire was amongst them, and with his keen night vision, he quickly pinpointed the area.

“There.” He pointed.

“I’ll be right back,” Buffy said quickly, moving away from the campfire.

“What? Buffy, you could get yourself killed!” Hank warned. “Spike and I’ll check it out, alright?”

“Shyeah,” Buffy muttered, just as another scream pierced the air. “Dawn, Jake, wait here with Dad. Spike?”

“Right behind you, luv.” The two rushed off, and Hank called after them, but it was no use. He started to go too, but Dawn caught his arm.

“She can handle herself, Dad. She’s uh…taking self-defense classes.”

“That doesn’t mean she won’t get hurt,” Hank pointed out. “Stay with Jake, honey. I’ll be back.” Hank rushed down the beach, and Dawn winced. Finally, she started off after him.

“Hey!” Jake called. “Wait up!”

***

“Ow! Bugger,” Spike spat as he turned out of a roundhouse kick to find a fist in his face. He grabbed his opponent by the collar of the shirt and held him up off the ground. He leaned back before delivering a quick head butt.

“Spike! Over here!” Buffy called, waving at Spike as she stepped through a haze of vampire dust. Spike threw the demon at Buffy, and he landed on the pointy end of a makeshift Mr. Pointy. Buffy waved his remaining dust away and knelt down in the sand to comfort the girl.

“Are you alright?”

“I…I think so. What…what were those guys?”

“Nothing you need to worry about anymore. Where do you live?”

“Just over there,” she pointed out.

“Alright. Spike, will you walk her home?” The woman looked at Spike, wondering if she could trust him.

“Who are you?” she finally asked, turning her attention back to Buffy.

“Just a concerned citizen?” Buffy offered. The woman furrowed her brows, but Spike ushered her away, just as the rest of the group came running up breathlessly.

“What part of ‘wait here’ don’t you people understand?” Buffy asked, hands on her hips. Her ripped sarong fell at her feet, and she looked down, groaning. “That was new, too.”

“What happened?” Hank asked, doubling over, hands on his knees as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Uh,” Buffy stammered, “um, mugger. Yeah. Big, ugly mugger. Lucky for him he got away.”

“How many were there?” Dawn wondered, treading carefully on the boundaries of the conversation.

“Just two,” Buffy assured her. But when Dawn’s gaze focused over Buffy’s shoulder and her eyes widened, she felt her stomach drop.

“Uh…ya sure about that?”

Buffy had no time to turn and look or to avert her dad’s or Jake’s eyes, because the vampire was right behind her. He clawed at her shoulder, and she reached around, pulling his arm hard, flipping him over into the sand. Her hand was firmly on the stake, and her arm twitched, as if independently knowing what she was supposed to do. So, instead, she kicked him in the stomach and leaned down to deliver a jaw-cracking punch to his face. Hank stumbled backward a little at the sight of his daughter mid-fight.

But, Buffy let the vampire up, hoping he’d run off. Instead, he lunged for Dawn, who screamed, especially when Jake jumped in front of her to protect her. However, just before his brain could register the danger enough to let out a scream, the strange-faced attacker disintegrated into dust before his eyes.

“Whoa,” Jake muttered, falling down into the sand, completely unconscious. Buffy’s chest rose and fell, and her heart was charged with adrenaline. But when she saw the surprised look on Dawn’s face and the more-than-flabbergasted one on her dad’s, she didn’t know what to say.

“Are you hurt?” Buffy asked Dawn and then Jake.

“I’m fine,” Dawn stammered. “Buffy, I can’t believe you just did that…you know…in front of…”

“What was that, Buffy? What…he wasn’t…”

“He wasn’t human,” Buffy muttered. “Dad, I beg you not to ask me what happened. Just…trust me. Everything’s fine.”

“I don’t know what to…”

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now. Please, just…let’s get back to the house. Then we’ll talk, ok?”

“That was totally awesome,” Jake murmured, standing up and brushing the sand away from his swimming shorts. “That was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. How’d you do that? And what was wrong with that guy’s face?”

“Uh…it’s been a long night. We…uh…”

“Dawn, your sister’s like…a superhero or something.” Dawn rolled her eyes.

“I think you hit your head harder than you thought. It was just a mugger.”

“No way. She totally dusted that guy. You saw it, right Mr. Summers?” Hank swallowed hard and caught the pleading look of his daughter.

“Uh…it was a mugger, like Dawn said. Buffy did rough him up a little though.”

“Oh,” Jake said, shaking his head and squinting his eyes. He rubbed the spot on his head that hurt from where he’d fell on what must’ve been a rock or a seashell. “Well, it was still awesome.” Buffy felt a little creeped out by the way her sister’s boyfriend was looking at her like she was some kind of marble statue up for display in some ancient museum. He looked at her like…like…She brushed off the thought.

“Come on. Let’s um, let’s go back to the house.” She turned at the sound of shoes on sand, and Spike came jogging back over, running his hand through his slicked back hair.

“So…what’d I miss?”

***

“How’d he take the news?” Spike wondered, as Buffy walked into their room and closed the door. She frowned and padded over to the bed to sit down next to him.

“When I told him I’m the Slayer, he said he heard Dawn call me that.”

“When?”

“A couple days ago when he was eavesdropping.”

“And he didn’t pick up on it?” Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, considering he’s human and hasn’t had to come face to face with many demons, that he knows of, he’s never heard of a Slayer. He just thought it was some cool nickname. That’s my dad. Blissfully unaware. Well, he was until now.”

“So what’s he think?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said quietly.

“Think he’ll keep the secret?”

“My Dad? He’d be too afraid somebody’d think he was crazy and lock him up. He’s not gonna say anything.”

“So, uh, does he know you’re dating a vampire? A very good-looking vampire, if I might add?” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“No. I didn’t want to give him a heart attack. We’re leaving in a couple days, and at least he knows now to be careful when inviting people into his house. Besides…I gave Angel a call, and he’s gonna do a little patrolling and make sure no more vamps come around this area anymore.”

“You called Angel?” Spike asked, shoulders stiffening. Buffy cringed.

“Can we please not do this?”

“So, what’s it going to be? Tea at his place or a quick shag on the…” Buffy smacked the back of his head.

“I didn’t even tell him I’m in L.A. I just told him that I heard from my dad, and he said there were some strange guys with weird faces in the neighborhood.”

“Oh,” Spike said quietly.

“Look at you,” she teased, standing up temporarily just so she could maneuver herself into his lap. “So adorable when you’re jealous.”

“Not jealous, pet. Just…seething hatred for my grandsire.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Buffy urged, nuzzling his cheek with her nose. “You’re not a teensy, weensy bit jealous?”

“Of him? Please!” he scoffed. “How often do I have to remind you that he’s nothing but hair-product, forehead, and teeth?” Buffy rolled her eyes. “But I forgot. You like your men on the toothy side.” He looked away.

“Ha! See? Jealous.”

“Am not!” she insisted, his fingers digging into her hips as she wiggled around on his lap, the friction causing the bulge in his jeans to grow. “Or should I be?” Buffy’s jaw dropped.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, come on, pet, he’s the forbidden love. The bloody Romeo to your Juliet.”

“Um, huh? First of all, Romeo and Juliet? They died for each other. Angel? Already dead? And I’m not suicidal.”

“So you wouldn’t die for me?”

“Well if your theory about our claim holds true, I’ll have to die for you…if you die, that is.” She kissed his lips, but she felt him sigh against her. “Come on. Don’t be like that. I don’t think about him like that anymore. Of course, when you get all mad like this, I wonder what it might be like to see you two wrestle it out…all oily and…”

“Alright, I get the picture,” he smirked.

“You know I only swoon for bleach-blonde, extremely well-muscled men who are very well versed in the art of the female orgasm.” She smiled, batting her eyes at him, brushing her lips over his. “You know, the ones who can make a girl come by biting her…by…touching her in all the right spots.” She took his hand, guiding it inside of her bikini bottom, and he caressed her damp folds. A little growl escaped Spike’s throat, and Buffy smiled, biting his lower lip.

“When you put it that way,” he murmured, lying back on the bed with her straddling his hips. He couldn’t help but feast his eyes on her toned body clad only in a black bikini. He could see her nipples hardening against the fabric, and he pulled himself up again, pulling down one side of the bikini top and taking a breast into his mouth. She moaned softly, her fingers curling into his hair while his tongue circled her nipple hungrily. “Alright, off with you.” Spike growled a little as he pulled Buffy’s bikini top off swiftly, tossing it over his shoulder. She giggled as he hoisted her up and then tossed her down onto the mattress, expertly sliding her bikini bottom down her long, slender legs.

He undressed faster than she’d ever seen him undress before, and she couldn’t stop the giggle bubbled up when he got caught in his jeans. He stood up and hopped around for a few seconds before he got his foot unstuck. Finally, he was free, and he returned to her, his body pressing against hers, her heat warming him, his chill cooling her. A perfect match.

The way his hands moved over her body made her treble with need. A small pool continued to grow between her legs, and a familiar tingling throb began to torture her.

“Tell me what you want,” he breathed, his eyes fierce but full of desire. He kissed her hard, but she gave back as good as she got and took his lower lip between her teeth. She bit down, and she moaned softly. When she let him go, her eyes were dark, the needful glisten making him harder.

“No foreplay,” she growled, as his hand traveled between her legs, brushing over her soaking center.

“Tell me, kitten,” he urged, making her shudder once again. She gripped his cock in her little hand and pushed him against her entrance.

“Fuck me,” she hissed, letting him go and arching back as he plunged home. “Oh….fuck yeah!” Spike had to suppress a chuckle at her eagerness, and he closed his lips over hers.

“Careful luv,” he whispered between kisses. “Full house tonight.” Buffy grinned, and she flipped Spike over onto his back, placed her hands on his chest, and began to ride him fast and hard. But when she saw her bikini top hanging over a post on her bed, she raised an eyebrow. She grabbed the flimsy garment and immediately put it across Spike’s mouth before secure a knot behind his head. He looked at her with a little bit of surprise, but she bent down to kiss his neck.

“Guess we’ll have to be quiet then.”

***

“Bloody Hell,” he murmured as they lay side by side in the bed, both breathing hard and coming down from near-backbreaking orgasms. Buffy gently massaged a crick in her back, wondering exactly how far she’d arched back during that one. She tasted blood in her mouth from where she’d bit her lip.

Spike twirled her bikini bra with one finger and looked at her.

“You’re the loudmouth,” he finally noted. “Why’d you gag me?”

“’Cause it’s more fun that way.”

“For you,” he smirked.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. You seemed to enjoy it an awful lot.” She crawled over him, folded her hands on his chest and rested her chin there. She let out a little sigh, and he reached up to stroke her hair.

“S’wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a little shrug. “I guess it’s just that when we go back to Sunnydale, we get on with our real lives. Vacations are nice, but as was proven tonight, evil doesn’t take a holiday.”

“That’s all that’s bothering you?” He searched her sparkling, green eyes. “Tell me, pet.”

“It’s stupid, really.”

“What?”

“Well, it’s been nice here, you know? You don’t have to go off to your crypt or do whatever it is you do when we’re not together. We go to sleep together, wake up together…it’s been…nice.”

“Isn’t that what we were doing before this little vacation?”

“Yeah, but…I mean, there was the crypt, and…and sometimes…” Spike narrowed his eyes and watched her grow more flustered.

“Are you telling me you want us to move in together?”

“What? How did you…maybe?” She shrugged her shoulders again and rolled off of him so she could sit up to face him. “I mean, you’re practically there all the time anyway. And, big plus, everyone in the house already knows you’re a vampire. We could…we already have the place vamp proofed, you know.” Spike was stunned. He wondered if the last couple of months had been one big, fantastic dream. She’d said she loved him, she’d let him claim her, she’d introduced him to her dad. Now she was asking him to move in with her?

“You’re sure about this, pet?”

“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “I think so. I mean…we’re practically married…you know, in a mystical way.” She brought her hand up to her neck to prove her point. “This sounded better in my head, you know.” He just stared at her, a silly smile pulling up at one corner of his mouth. “Spike? Say something. Anything tha—” And he kissed her, pulling her down on top of him. He tickled her sides until she began to laugh against his lips and had to pry herself away to get her breath.

“So,” she gasped, a grin spread across her face. “That’s a yes?” Incredulously, he stared up at her. Sitting up to face her, he leaned his forehead against hers.

“What do you think, luv?” And he kissed her again, pulling her back down against the mattress, this time not letting her slip away.

***

“Giles? What…what are you doing here? I thought you had work to do at the Council?” Willow wondered, stepping out of the way to let Giles into her room.

“Yes. Yes, that’s precisely why I’m here. I need your help.”

“Oh. Ok. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to conjure a truth spell.” He said this with more reluctance than anything. Willow squirmed.

“I don’t…I don’t think that’s a good idea. Those kinds of spells and me? Not very mixy. Besides, why can’t you do it?”

“Because in your time here, you’ve grown exceptionally stronger, Willow. I’ve spoken with your tutors, and they all believe you can do this. I believe that a powerful witch will see better results than a somewhat powerful Watcher. I’ll observe you, of course. I just need this to be as accurate as possible.”

“Oh,” Willow said quietly. “Well, I, um, I could try. What do you need a truth spell for?”

“There’s a girl…Dana…”

“The new Slayer. Go on.”

“Right. Yes. Mr. Travers at the Council swears this drug he administered has brought her completely out of the state she was in when she arrived. She seems not to know anything about the murders she committed, but she’s being taught about what it means to be a Slayer. They want to start training her.”

“Oh,” Willow said quietly. “You’re going to train her?”

“I thought about it, but I honestly think it’s time I go back to the states.”

“Doesn’t the Council have, you know, super-mojo psychics?”

“Yes, but they work for the council, and I’d rather have someone a bit…more trustworthy.”

“Right. Ok. Well, let me get the things I need, and I can come with you. They’ll let me in won’t they?” She began to collect the things she needed for the spell, and Giles continued to talk.

“I don’t see why not. I just need to know it’s safe to leave her before we go back home.”

“We?” Willow asked quietly, eyes widening in surprise. Giles removed his glasses, contemplating his decision, but he turned back to her with confidence.

“Yes. I think it’s time you returned home. If all goes well, you, Tara, and I will be on a plane by the end of this week.”

“Do you really think I’m ready, Giles?”

“Tara seems to think so.”

“She…she does?”

“We spoke yesterday while you were with one of your tutors.”

“Oh,” Willow said, slightly concerned that Tara hadn’t told her about the conversation. “I thought…I thought Mr. Travers wanted Buffy to train Dana. So I thought you would bring her here, and I’d have more time here to…”

“The more I think about it…I…my job is to train Buffy. Buffy’s is to slay. She doesn’t have time to go traipsing off to England to help train another Slayer. There are other perfectly good Watchers out there, and I’ve spoken with Mr. Travers. He’s willing to accept that for now, but he’s still pushing for Buffy’s help. I told him that decision would be up to her.”

“But you don’t see her budging?”

“Not after I tell her that everything’s fine…which is exactly what I hope to tell her once we do this spell.”

“Right. Ok. I’ve got everything. Let’s go.”

***

“She’s telling the truth. She doesn’t remember anything past waking up here,” Willow said with a confident nod as she and Giles stepped out into the hallway.

“You’re sure?”

“I can do it again just to be safe, but the spell worked right. I did it exactly how I practiced with one of my tutors. Everything went right. She really doesn’t know, Giles.” He knew she was telling the truth. He knew the mechanics of a truth spell, and she’d done everything spot on. Still, Willow’s powers tended to go a bit off in the past. That worried him some, but he felt confident in Willow’s results for the moment.

“Well then,” he said quietly, “I suppose that is good news.”

“So, I guess she’s gonna get a Watcher now?”

“I suppose so,” Giles replied quietly. “I’ve requested that Mr. Travers let me pick the Watcher myself. I know who I trust and who I don’t.”

“Good,” Willow said slowly. However, he could tell there was a question ready to burst forth.

“What is it?”

“Well, I was thinking…what if…what if you bring her back to Sunnydale? You could keep training Buffy, and you could train her. It’s not like Buffy needs that much training these days, right?” Giles considered this for a moment but shook his head.

“She needs constant supervision, Willow. I know she doesn’t remember the murders, but…”

“But she also doesn’t have any homicidal tendencies. You were in there when I asked her if she had any…you know, homicidal tendencies…” Willow raised her eyebrows. “I think she’s pretty safe. But, I guess you’re the Watcher. You should decide. But think of the plus side…you could keep an eye on her.” Giles turned back to Dana’s room. “Don’t you trust yourself more than anybody else?”

***

A few days later, the cars were loaded up, and Dawn was practically beaming since Buffy had just given her permission to ride home with Jake, as long as they promised not to make any little detours on the way home.

It was just past sunset, and everyone was standing out in the driveway saying goodbye. Dawn had just said her goodbyes with her father, and now Buffy was the one being hugged. She patted her dad’s back and closed her eyes, wishing for a moment that things were the way they used to be between them.

He finally let go and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Thanks for coming. I’m glad you…I’m glad you were here.”

“Me too,” Buffy replied quietly.

“If you and Dawn need anything, just call. And please, make good use of the money I gave you. I don’t want you girls to worry about a thing.”

“Ok. Thanks.” They stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments.

“Buffy, I wanna see you again. Maybe I can come visit…I mean, your birthday is coming up.”

“Yeah. Maybe. We can make room if you want to…” Hank nodded.

“Good. Alright. Well, you should be…you know…”

“Right. Bye, Dad.” She gave him another half-hug and headed off toward the car where Spike was waiting. Hank stood out by the garage door, waiting until they left to go inside. And as they waited for Jake to pull out of the drive, Buffy and Spike looked at one another.

“You alright, luv?” Buffy turned her gaze back to her dad and nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”