Spike slouched in the chair as he watched the girl spin around on the pole. This joint, the Peppermint Stick, wasn’t exactly his thing, and Sunshine was no where near his version of sunshine. He missed Buffy dearly. He missed her so bad it ached, and he couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t just bring himself to go to her. Angel was starting to get to him and he couldn’t help it.

After getting his body back, Spike had every intention of just rushing off to Europe to find his golden beauty but at the last minute he got scared. He was still terrified. Maybe it was just better to let her think that he was dead. She was better off without him, and he didn’t want to screw up her life anymore then he already had. He had given up his unlife so she could be happy. No reason to take it back now.

Then, smooth delicate hands covered his eyes. The sweet, subtle scent of vanilla drifted to his heightened senses and his blood froze. It couldn’t be. Slowly, he brought his pale fingers up to feel the ones covering his eyes. He knew that skin. He knew that scent. He could feel the power coming off of her in waves. But yet, he couldn’t move. Every cell in his body told him to get up and run, and he was frozen.

“You know, this is the last place I thought I’d find you.”

Her voice made him jump up from his chair and spin around to look at the woman. “Buffy,” he said, softly. She was more beautiful then he remembered. He should have known that. She was perfect. Her petite body had gained a little bit of weight, but she filled out nicely in all the right places. She still kept in shape. Her golden hair had lost its dullness, now full of shine and vibrence even under the harsh lights of the strip club. She looked amazing, but then again, she could be covered in mud with her hair shaved off and she’d still be beautiful to him.

The black jeans she had on hugged her hips and slender thighs nicely, and he could see the pink top under jacket as the satin shimmered in the light. She had a jean jacket over top, and her infamous boots to top everything off. Some things didn’t change.

“Hi handsome,” she said, with a smile, flashing her pearly whites. “Long time no see.”

There was so much he wanted to tell her, but no words would move past his lips. She had that sparkle in her eyes. One that he hadn’t seen since before Angel had broken her heart. One that he hadn’t been able to appreciate all the times he had tried to get it out of her. But here she was, happy and as light as could be. Like the weight of the world no longer rested upon her shoulders.

Buffy bit her lip and crossed her arms as the light faded around her slight. “Can we go somewhere and talk?” She asked, softly.

Spike noticed the sudden change in her and remembered where they were as he snapped out of his daze. “Of course, Pet,” he said, guiding her out of the club. “I’m not sure where we’re going to go though.”

“Where do you live?” She asked, pulling her jacket more tightly around her.

Spike stuffed his hands in his pockets. “No where,” he answered, hanging his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I was a ghost for a long time and I just got my body back. Haven’t figured out what I’m going to do.” Finding a place to stay had been the last thing on his mind. He really didn’t even think he was going to stay in L.A. and now that Buffy was here, that put a whole new twist on the ball game.

Buffy’s lips formed a ‘o’ as she understood. “Well, we can get a hotel room,” she said, leading him to her car. “Put it on Angel’s tab.”

Spike raised an eyebrow at the mention of the older vampire. “Angel’s okay with that?” He asked. He wondered what Angel had said to Buffy when she saw him. And for that matter, how Buffy found him.

She shrugged and buckled her seat belt. “I don’t know,” she said. “I haven’t seen him. Came straight to you.”

“And how did you find me?” He asked. She hadn’t seen Angel. He wasn’t prepared to hear that. What did that mean? Angel was always involved in someway. Someone told her where he was, and whoever that someone was, he owed them. But what else had they told her?

“A phone call.”
***

The tow blondes checked into a very nice hotel room, and Spike felt like he was going to throw up he was so damn nervous. He locked the door behind him and before he knew it, Buffy slammed him against it. He murmured her name in confusion before she smashed her lips against his. His arms banded around her waist as his mouth plundered hers. But after a moment he pulled back. “Buffy,” he panted unnecessarily and leaning his forehead against hers. “You know I love kissing you, but we have to talk.” He hated that he had to be the one to say that, but he couldn’t risk any mixed signals.

She nodded and stole one more kiss before taking a step away from him. “I know,” she said, licking her swollen lips. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said, going toward her. “I plan on having you in bed, just after we talk.” He wanted to make his intentions clear, that his feelings hadn’t changed, but he couldn’t put his heart on the line without commitment from her. Not anymore. If he made love to her now, only to find out in the morning that they couldn’t work, he’d be devastated. He’d love her til the end of time, but he wouldn’t give himself to her. He wasn’t strong enough to go through that.

A smile formed on her lips as she sat on the tan sofa. “Good to know,” she said then turned serious. “Come on.” Her hand patted the side of the couch next to her. “Let’s talk.”

Spike shed his jacket and tossed it on the chair before sitting beside her. He sat sideways so he could look at her and be close to her as they talked this out. “I don’t know where to start,” he said. And he didn’t. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her and missed her and wanted to be with her, but he didn’t think he should jump in with both feet just yet.

“How did you come back?” She asked, timidly. “And when?”

“About 3 weeks after the battle,” Spike said. “The amulet got sent to Angel and here I am. I was a ghost like I said. I tried to leave so many times, but I just kept getting sent back here. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t fight. Walked through walls. It was hell. And I know a thing or two about hell.” He had never felt so empty, so cold being a ghost. And not being able to leave Wolfram and Hart, he felt like he was being punished for some unspeakable crime. As evil as he had been many years ago, there was nothing that could justify him being stuck with Angel.

“But you’re fine now,” she pointed out, touching his hand for emphasis. “You didn’t call or anything.”

Spike sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know where you were,” he said, softly. “Angel said Europe and he made sure there was no way for me to get in touch with you. Europe’s a big place. My first instinct was to get on a boat and go find you, but I had no idea where to start. I needed a plan, and I just haven’t come up with one yet.”

“You tried everything possible?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.”You may not work for Wolfram and Hart, but I know you. You would have found a way.”

Busted. Sometimes she was too smart for her own good. If she had been in trouble of if Dawn had been in trouble, he knew he would have been able to find them. Fred would have helped him get to her, he just didn’t try. Not really. He knew this was coming and he knew it was going to get ugly before it got better. “I was scared Buffy,” he said, staring at the carpet fibers. “I sacrificed myself for you and the world, but mostly for you. I wasn’t sure where I’d fit into you life anymore.”

“That’s silly,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve always been in my life whether I wanted you there or not. Why was it different this time?”

“Because I love you,” he answered, meeting her gaze. “And I’ve fucked up your life enough times in the past. I didn’t want to do it again knowing you were happy.”

“Who said I was happy?” She asked. “Because they were very misinformed.”

Sighing, he got off the couch before pacing away from her. “Buffy, it was very different this time,” he said, softly. “Before you had the hellmouth, so I had your back. I didn’t know what to do this time. I didn’t want to complicate things for you.” Before it had always been them against the bad guys. If she didn’t have to do that anymore, where did that leave him? At least while he was in L.A. he had some purpose. He could annoy Angel and maybe help people.

The slayer rose to her feet to meet his stance. “Spike,” she said, approaching him. “I understand what you’re saying, I do. And I don’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore, but that doesn’t make it any less lonely. I was heartbroken, Spike. I wanted you with me, Spike. And I thought I made that clear to you in the end. You just chose to be totally blind to the fact.”

“You’re not exactly a clear girl, Buffy,” he said. “You’ve never felt the same for me as I did for you and I didn’t want my heart broken again.” His brain was no longer in control of his mouth as words just kept coming out. He tried to stop them, tried to take them back and locked them away forever, but it was too late.

“Is that what you think I’m going to do?” She asked, crossing her arms. “Break your heart?”

“That’s all you’ve ever done,” he pointed out. “What’s different?” His word vomit wasn’t stopping. And he could see how much he was hurting her. Maybe it was just better this way. Better if she didn’t want to be here with him. It wasn’t good for either of them. She deserved so much more.

Buffy stared at him with wide eyes as they glittered with tears. “Everything’s different,” she whispered.

Her tears were already breaking his heart, but yet he didn’t stop. He really tried and he would have staked himself rather then keep running his mouth. “Like what?” He asked. “You couldn’t possibly conceive of my feelings for you and how much I love you.” He did stand by that. He had tried for so long to convince her to love him and he didn’t feel like she really did. People don’t realize they love someone one day. It was a process. A horrible process.

“How would you know?” She asked, furiously. “You never gave a chance to show you.”

Spike ran after her as she quickly made her way toward the door. “You had plenty of chances, Slayer,” he growled. He couldn’t let her leave like this. “Remember? Using me for months. You had every chance to love me and more and you didn’t.” That was a low blow and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop it. He wasn’t going to take all the blame for this. She had to see it from his point of view as well.

She shuddered and met his gaze and he could see her struggling for control. “What about last year?” She whispered. “Things were different last year.”

He agreed with that. Deep in his heart he did. He had some of the best nights with her last year. He got close to her, got to feel her out in ways she had never allowed before. But in the end, she had gone back to her old ways. “Were they?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “Because I remember bearing my heart and soul to you once again and waking up alone, and then you kissing Angel. Where is that different?”

“You’re right,” she said, taking a step away from him. “But I felt horrible and I still came home and shared your bed. I still chose you as the one I wanted to be with, Spike. At least I didn’t sleep with him when he was the only thing around like you did with Harmony. So let’s not talk about who did what with who.”

Spike froze and backed away from her. “Who told you that?” He asked. “Angel?” It had to be. Angel would be the only one who would care enough to tell Buffy that to keep them apart. But why would Angel call her and tell her where he was?

“Doesn’t matter,” she said, shaking her head. “But I told myself that it couldn’t possibly be true because you couldn’t possibly want to be with her after what we had.”

“Which was what Buffy?” He flared. “You don’t get to have a say in who I choose to sleep with.” Fuck. He could have staked himself right there. He wanted to fall to his knees and apologize so badly to her, but he didn’t. He wanted to tell her that Harmony didn’t mean anything to him, but he couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come out.

“You’re right, I don’t,” she said, opening the door. “I’m sorry that I came and disrupted your world. I was stupid to think that you’d still feel the same way about me.”

Spike watched with wide eyes as she left, but he didn’t go after her.

Buffy made a stop at Angel’s office, not sure of where to go. She knocked on the door jamb. “Hey,” she said, softly, swallowing past the lump in her throat. She should be home with Spike, making up for lost time, but instead, here she was. She didn’t even want to be here. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Angel. It was his fault that she hadn’t been able to be with Spike. Angel had kept them apart.

Angel quickly made his way toward her. “Buffy,” he said, reaching for her. She could see the panic in his brown eyes, the wheels turned in his head to come up with lies to keep her from seeing Spike. But he didn’t know she had already seen him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Spike,” she said, crossing her arms. “I don’t know why you never told me, and I don’t really care right now. I came here to maybe rip your head from your shoulders but I just want to go home.” It was none of his business where Spike was concerned, but something inside her just couldn’t leave without at least giving Angel a piece of her mind.

Angel’s face fell. “I thought you’d be with him,” he said, shaking his head. “You should sleep tonight, though. I’ll put you on a private jet first thing in the morning. Its too late for you to go anywhere. You can sleep in my apartment. It’s private.”

“Thanks,” she said, trying not to lose all her composure. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Spike’s an ass,” Angel said, reaching out to wipe a tear from her eyes. “I don’t know what his problem is. Want me to kick his ass?”

She laughed slightly and backed away from him. “No,” she said. “You know, you haven’t exactly been on my good side since coming here.” She couldn’t trust Angel anymore.

“I’m trying to do good things, Buffy,” he said. “I feel like I am.”

“You were doing good things before,” she pointed out heading toward the elevator. “Just remember your purpose, Angel.” She pressed the button to close the door and sighed. She wanted to go home, get as far away as she possibly could. She never imagined the day when Spike wouldn’t want her. She tried and failed to stop her tears but her broken heart would not allow her to.

The elevator opened and she folded her arms as she entered the dark apartment. She had never been in Angel’s apartment but it didn’t take her long to collapse onto the couch, too weary to make it to the bedroom. She missed Spike terribly and she didn’t understand how things had gotten so bad this time around. They never fought like before, and it was clear that everything that they had been through was boiling over, and they couldn’t deal with it.

***

About twenty minutes after Buffy left, Spike realized the mistake he had made. Breaking every speed limit, he raced to Angel’s knowing she’d be there. He couldn’t let Angel feed her more garbage and try to get inside that pretty blond head. Buffy needed to work things out with him alone, with no help. He bypassed Harmony ready to choke the bird, and went straight to Angel’s office. “Where is she?” he growled.

Angel looked up from his desk with hooded eyes. “She’s asleep,” he answered, climbing to his feet. “You know I don’t like you and you’re the last person I want Buffy with. But she loves you and all you do is bitch about it.”

Spike sighed. “Where is she?” he repeated softly. He wasn’t in the mood to fight with Angel, he just wanted to find Buffy. He wanted to apologize, kiss her, love her.

“Asleep upstairs,” Angel said. “Told her I would put her on a plane first thing in the morning.”

Spike headed toward the private elevator with a grumble and made his way up to where Buffy was. He folded his arms as the elevator ascended and his nerves started up again. What was he going to say to her? How could he fix this? One agitated hand went through his hair. It wasn’t all his fault. She had to fix the damage she had done as well.

When the doors opened, he paused when he saw her curled up on Angel’s couch, sound asleep. He could tell just by looking at her, that she was exhausted. As he made his way toward her, he chewed his lip. He crouched by the couch, wanting her to sleep, but knowing he couldn’t leave things the way they were. “Buffy, luv,” he said, running a hand over her arm.

She drew in a breath sharply as her eyes fluttered open. “Spike?” she asked, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. “What are you doing here?”

Spike sat back on his toes, but otherwise didn’t move. “I wanted to talk to you,” he said. “I didn’t mean what I said.” Well he did, but he needed to say it in a different way. “You know I love you Buffy.” He paused. “Maybe you don’t know that because I haven’t shown it, but its not just my fault. I don’t know how you felt either. I didn’t think it made a difference whether I was in your life or not.”

Buffy folded her arms with a frown. “When would I have shown you?” she asked. “You kept yourself away from me, Spike.”

“You’re right,” he said, nodding his head. “I did but I didn’t know you wanted me around Buffy. We’ve never had anything close to a real relationship and you telling me you love me while I’m burning up isn’t exactly the way I wanted to hear it.”

“You don’t understand,” she whimpered with a shudder. “I didn’t expect it this time, but you were the one that always came back. No matter what. Then this time around, you didn’t.”

Now he understood. He had abandoned her like all the rest. “Oh pet,” he said, coming up to sit next to her. “I was stupid. I didn’t realize.” He wanted to reach out to comfort her but he clenched his fists. “I want to be with you, you know that. I just… I don’t want to get hurt again and I don’t want you to get hurt either.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “That’s all we’ve done to each other since we’ve met. Whether we loved each other or not.”

“So maybe it’s time to make a change,” she said, softly. “I want to be with you, Spike. And I do love you. And I know sometimes it’s not enough just to hear me say it, but I can’t show you here. I don’t want to be here. I just came here to find you and I thought we’d be heading home together.”

“How did you find me?” Spike asked, looking at her.

Buffy cleared her throat and looked at him. “Some girl named Fred called me,” she said. “Friend of yours?”

Fred did this? Spike couldn’t believe it. “She’s my only friend here,” he said, softly. “And that’s all she is. Did she tell you about Harmony?” He didn’t think Fred would reveal something like that, but it was possible.

She flinched away from Spike at the mention of the ditzy vampire. “Yeah, she did,” she said. “Told me what had happened, the circumstances under which it happened and to not hold it against you. And I’m not. I just… you were throwing Angel in my face and I retaliated.”

Spike reached for her to gently grab her hand. “Buffy, I am sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to start a fight with you. I just… sometimes I think it would be better if you just went back to your life without me.”

She pulled her hand free. “Is that what you want?” she asked. “For me to just leave?”

“I want you to be happy,” he said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, Buffy. Whatever chose you make, I’ll be okay with.” It pained him to say that to her, to make it seemed like he would just let her go, but he wanted her to make the chose.

“Dawn and I have a life in Europe. She has school and I have a job,” she said. “But I want you to be with us. She misses you. So if you want to come home with me, if you want to be with me, and work things out, I would love for you to be with us.” She shook her head and sighed. “It’s been so hard without you. Felt like a part of me was missing and I couldn’t get it back.”

Spike reached out to touch her cheek and when she didn’t flinch away, he moved closer. “Been miserable without you,” he whispered. “I hate it here.” He smiled softly when she leaned into his touch and he took a risk and pulled her into his arms. His eyes closed in contentment as she curled up against him, her arms tight around his waist. After a moment, he felt her yawn against him, and he shifted, so they could stretch out on the couch together. “Get some sleep, Pet.”

Buffy hugged him tightly against her and nuzzled him. “Goodnight Spike,” she whispered. It wasn’t long before she was asleep again, securely tucked in his arms.

Buffy stretch when the sun peeked over her face through the window. She searched for Spike’s body and when she didn’t feel him next to her, she shot up. “Spike?” This wasn’t happening. She felt like she had dreamed up everything that happened. Panic rose in her chest and she felt like she was going to be sick. She couldn’t lose him again.

“Here Luv,” he said, coming out of the kitchen. He joined her on the couch handing her the items he had brought. “I thought you’d be hungry when you woke up.”

She relaxed slightly and crossed her legs on the couch. He was so thoughtful. “Thanks,” she said, nibbling on the cream cheese bagel. Her heart rate began to calm down as she eyed him carefully, unable to believe that he was till here with her. She felt bad, seeing the look of guilt all over his face, knowing their already fragile bond had been damaged by both of them.

“Buffy, I am sorry about last night,” he said, ducking his head. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you did sleep with Harmony,” she stated. It wasn’t a question. She knew that he did, but she didn’t understand why. It didn’t make any sense to her. But nothing that had happened recently made any sense. They just had to work it out, and hopefully it would be alright.

Spike sighed and got off the couch. “It wasn’t like that,” he said, folding his arms. “She nearly ripped my throat out in the process. It was just a physical reaction to getting my body back.”

“Only once?” She asked, licking her lips clean from her bagel.

Spike met her eyes. “Yeah,” he said, softly. “I wasn’t thinking and I never thought I’d see you again.”

She really wasn’t mad; she had no right to be. She didn’t have claim to Spike, and he was a big boy. It wasn’t as if they had been sleeping together all this time, or even dating. “Spike,” she said, going toward him. “I’m not mad about it and I didn’t mean to throw it in your face last night.” Things had gotten way outta hand the night before, and she just started screaming at him, trying to justify her actions. But really, she had none.

He slid his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “A lot of things were said last night that neither of us meant,” he said.

Her hands tangled in his hair as she leaned her forehead against his. “I love you,” she whispered. “Please believe me.” More tears started to slide out of her eyes. “I wanted to tell you for so long and I never thought that you would die that day. But I still meant it.” She raised her eyes to his. “I never stopped.” He had to believe her this time. If he didn’t, she didn’t know what she would do. She was crushed the first time, and another time would devastate her.

He wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks and frowned. “Don’t cry Buffy,” he said, shaking his head. “I cant stand your tears. I wanted to believe you, but I didn’t want you to stay down there with me. You needed to get out and have a good life.”

How could he want her to be happy without him? He really didn’t realize how much she had come to rely on him and love him. Then to not have him, she had been so lost. So confused. “I didn’t want to,” she whimpered, clutching him. “It broke my heart to leave you there. For not doing more to get you out.”

“Stop,” he said, placing a gentle finger over her lips. “Don’t blame yourself, Luv. We knew the risks and I’m here now. I’m never going to leave you. Never again.” He pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly, cradling her close to his chest. “I love you so much Buffy and you’re never going to be without me.”

She nodded and sniffled before raising her head to kiss him. She pressed her body up against his, trying to crawl inside of him. Her hands slowly pulled his shirt from the confines of his pants to run over his abdomen. It had been so long since she had felt his skin, so long since they had been this close to each other.

Someone cleared their throat and the blondes pulled apart. “Good to see you guys worked things out,” Angel said, folding his arms.

Buffy licked her swollen lips as Spike moved next to her. She slid an arm around his waist, and smiled when his went about her shoulders. “What’s up?” She asked, shortly. Angel was already on her shit list and for interrupting much needed smoochies with Spike wasn’t helping his case.

“Just checking on you,” Angel said. “Not sure what you wanted to do. Told you I would put you on a plan this morning.”

Spike snorted before he could control himself and Buffy lightly wacked him in the stomach, not wanting any fights. “We’re fine,” she said, as if Angel couldn’t already tell. “Despite what you said to me last night, you know this was the last thing you wanted.”

“I want you to be happy, Buffy,” he said. “But you’re right. I know you can do better then Spike.”

“Of course you do” Spike said, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Spike,” Buffy said, soothingly. Spike had a temper and especially when it came to Angel. But the last thing she wanted was for them to be going at it fist and fangs. All she wanted was to go home to Dawn, with Spike. That’s what she needed right now. And that’s what Spike needed too. He needed to get away from Angel before they killed each other.

“No,” Spike said angrily. “I’m so tired of him sticking his nose in our business. And the last two times he did that, it kept us apart. He chose to walk away from you, more then once and I have always been there for you.”

She closed her mouth, knowing there was nothing that she could say. “I know you have,” she whispered. And she was trying. Spike’s anger wasn’t directed at her, but she didn’t like seeing him upset. Not over Angel.

“That was between Buffy and I,” Angel growled. “She understood why I had to leave.”

Spike gave him an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me?” He asked. “You think that an 18 year girl understand why the love of her life doesn’t want her anymore?” Spike rubbed a hand over his eyes and looked at Buffy. “I don’t mean nay disrespect to you, Pet, but you know I’m right.” His gaze returned to Angel. “You broke her heart when you turned into Angelus. Think about how it made her feel to send you to hell where you should have staid to have you come back to life to walk out. Do you not think about anything before you do it?”

Now Buffy felt like she was being suffocated. Spike was ripping down the walls that she had so easily built, that even he had not yet been able to break through. The emotions that she had never dealt with were assaulting her and she felt her chest was being compressed.

“You have no idea what Buffy and I went through,” Angel said, taking a step toward the younger vampire. “You couldn’t even conceive of our feelings for each other.”

“You’re right,” Spike admitted softly. “I would never understand why you say you love someone and then break their heart over and over again. I would never be able to understand why you did that to her. She’s the best thing you ever had and you left.”

“I had to,” Angel argued. “It was too dangerous for us to be together.”

“You didn’t try hard enough,” Spike said, shaking his head. “If you really wanted to be with her you would have done everything to try and make your soul permanent.”

“You think having a soul makes you better then me?” Angel asked.

“I was better then you before I got my soul,” Spike growled.

“Enough!” Buffy screamed. She couldn’t take this anymore. She got the point loud and clear. “I’ve heard enough.”

Spike’s eyes softened when he realized how upset she was. “I’m sorry, Buffy,” he whispered.

“Neither of you even stops to consider my feelings in this whole mess,” she said, glaring at Angel. Angel had done that time and time again. Spike had never exploded like that in front of her, and she couldn’t take it. “I’m fully capable of making my own decisions.”

“I know you are,” Spike said, reaching for her arm. But she flinched away from him.

“Spike you just sat here and argued with him like I wasn’t even here,” she said, with wide eyes. “I don’t expect that from you. From him? Yeah. But you?”

“You’re right,” Spike said, dropping his head and going toward the door.

She longed to go after him, but she had something she needed to do first. She rubbed her fast and held up a hand when Angel said her name. “Don’t say a word,” she said. “I’m so close to ripping your head off right now. You think it was hard for me to kill you when I loved you, think about how easy it would be for me to do when I hate you.”

Angel licked his lips. “He’s not right for you.”

Buffy clenched a fist. “He is the best thing that ever happened to me,” she said, slowly. She couldn’t believe that Angel was really this stupid. He had been the one to choose to walk away from her, and to try and stick his nose in her business repeatedly, he had some nerve. “And you kept him away from me. He’s going home with me and unless the world is coming down around your ears, I don’t ever want to hear from you again.”

Angel grabbed her arm as she walked away. “Buffy, please don’t do this.”

Her last bit of control snapped and she delivered a right hook to his jaw, sending him flying into the wall. “Go to hell Angel,” she said. With that, she headed out the door Spike and left and collided with him in the hallway. “Spike,” she said in surprise and relief. “I thought you left.” This was good. He was here, and she wouldn’t have to run all over the city trying to find him. It touched her heart to know that he had been here, not wanting to be far from her.

“Couldn’t,” he said, softly taking a step toward her. “Just needed to not be near him.”

Good. Then he heard everything she said. “Let’s get out of here,” she said. They couldn’t get out of his town fast enough. They needed their own time together to make things up.

“You sure?” Spike asked. “After everything that just happened?”

She reached out to grab his hand. “Spike, I love you. And I know that you love me. Angel gives you a hot head. You weren’t wrong. I just felt like you forgot that I was there. I don’t always need protecting.” She wanted to be included in things that were about her. And she was sure that she and Spike could work that out so it didn’t happen again.

“He just pisses me off,” he said, squeezing her hands. “He’s the biggest reason why I haven’t been able to get close to you. To break down the walls that you put up to fix what he did.”

She couldn’t deny that. Angel was the reason she hadn’t allowed herself to get close to anyone and Spike was the only one who had kept trying. “I know,” she admitted. “You’re right and I wish I could take back every horrible thing that I’ve done to you. But I can’t. I wish that I hadn’t hurt you the way that I did, but I can’t take it back.”

Spike pulled her a little closer to him. “You know I don’t care about that, Buffy,” he said softly. “We both hurt each other a lot in the past. I just know that he’s the love of your life and it’ll be easier when we’re away from all this.”

“He’s not the love of my life anymore,” she said, as they left the building. “He hadn’t been for some time. I’m just a little slow.” She needed to show Spike that she was over Angel and that he was the only man in her heart. She just didn’t know how she was going to do that.

“Where are we going?”

“Airport,” she answered. “Using his jet to get the hell outta here.”

There was little trouble getting on the plane and after take off, they were free to move about the aircraft. Buffy was not fond of airplanes, but Angel had some pretty spiffy jets. She unbuttoned her jacket and rubbed her face. Spike had been way too quiet since they left Angel’s office and she was worried. He was smoking a cigarette on the opposite side of the cabin, staring into space. She slowly approached him, chewing her lip as she got closer. Sliding her arms around his waist from behind, she kissed the middle of his shoulder blades softly.

Spike jumped lightly at her touch and put his cigarette out in the ashtray. His hands closed of hers softly as he stroked his thumbs over her skin gently, still silent.

Well, he was touching her, that was a good sign and she began to pull his shirt from the tight confines of his jeans, to run her hands over his rippled muscles. They had wasted enough time being apart and they had a lot to make up for.

“Buffy,” he shuddered.

“Hm?” Her hand deftly undid his belt and her fingers snuck inside. She really couldn’t wait, and she had never been able to show him how much he meant to her, and now she had that chance and she wasn’t going to waist it.

“What are you doing pet?” he asked, grabbing her hand before she could touch his rapidly growing member.

“Making up for lost time,” she said, pulling her hands out of his jeans. She backed toward the bedroom, unbuttoning her blouse slowly. “Coming?” Her stomach was already tying in knots, being nervous as hell. It had never been like this for either of them and she wasn’t sure if she was doing it right. But the look in his eyes told her nothing had changed.

He took hesitant steps toward her and she could sense his nervousness. She was nervous too. They hadn’t slept together in almost two years, and she hadn’t been with anyone else, but he didn’t know that. She paused at the foot of the bed, all her buttons undone as Spike closed the door. When he was in front of her, he captured her lips, and she sighed happily. She raised her arms to slide around his neck and rubbed her body against his, trying to put all his fears to rest, and hers.

Familiar tingles began dancing along her skin his lips moved down the column of her neck. She slid her hands up his shirt, needing to be closer. “Spike,” she whispered. His cool skin still felt the same as did his lips and hands. He still knew how to touch her in all the right places and make her blood sing for him.

He smiled against her skin, his confidence coming back to him. “I’m here Baby,” he said, pushing her blouse from her shoulders. His cool lips lowered, gently nipping the swell of her breast. “You’re beautiful Buffy. You know that?”

She smiled and blushed. He was the only one to really tell her how beautiful she was, when she wasn’t dressed up to go somewhere. He thought she was beautiful no matter what. “I’m aware,” she said proudly. “But it’s nice to hear. Especially from you.” She pulled his shirt over his head, loving the coolness of his skin. She chucked the garment in some random direction, smiling when he hoisted her up on his waist. Carefully, he moved her onto the bed, growling when she rubbed against his hardness. She lowered her legs to the mattress and ran her hands over his chest. “I missed you so much.”

He leaned down to kiss her softly. “I missed you too,” he said, his lips moving lower and closing over a bra clad breast, causing her to cry out. His tongue rubbing her through the course material of her bra was enough to drive her insane. She squirmed under him, trying to get closer to him, to relieve the ache deep inside her. She arched when he slid a hand under her to unclasp her bra. Sliding it slowly off her shoulders, his blue eyes darkened with desire at her rosy nipples that begged for attention. He took a peak in his mouth, but it roughly before soothing it with his tongue. Her hands became impatient as they began fiddling with his pants once more. She nearly ripped them in frustration and he pulled back with a grin.

Buffy followed him eagerly, not wanting him to be far. She helped him remove his pants and placed a teasing kiss on his abdomen. He was already hard and waiting for her, and she couldn’t wait to have him. She met his lips softly before he stretched out beside her. She licked her lips, stripping the rest of her own clothes away before lowering herself between his legs. Slowly, she took his hard length in her mouth, causing him to buck slightly.

“Buffy,” he groaned, he hands reaching for her. “Turn around.”

Buffy smiled around his cock and rotated so her dripping center was right above his face and she cried out when his tongue started to trace her outer folds. She resumed her task and pumped his cock in and out of her mouth, her hands lightly rolling his balls.

Spike her sucked her nub into his mouth and inserted a finger into her. Her walls were so tight around his finger as he carefully inserted two more.

She cried out around him again and relaxed her gag reflex to take him deeper. Her eyes clenched as she sucked him hard, as her own orgasm rocked through her. Shortly after, he exploded into her mouth and she swallowed all of him. She released him with a sensual lick, and with some effort pulled away from his fingers and tongue that was still licking her lazily. He helped her rotate again and kissed her softly while she laid next to him and ran her hands over his chest. His own fingers moved over his waist, having never been allowed to explore her body before.

Her lips moved to his neck, nipping and suckling as his hand palmed her breast. After a moment, his fingers drifted lower and she bit his neck so hard that she nearly drew blood when his fingers found her center.

He hissed but didn’t pick up the pace. He inserted a finger in her once more. “You’re so wet, Buffy,” he said, rubbing her clit gently.

“Only for you,” she whispered, lovingly. She rolled over on her back, holding her arms out to him. She needed him so badly. They weren’t in a rush, but she needed to feel him inside of her. Her arms wound around him as he positioned his member at her slick opening. As he pushed into her, she gripped his shoulders as she grimaced. He paused with concern and gave him a weak smile. “Been a long time,” she said, trying to relax.

“How long?” he asked, resting all of his weight on his hands.

Buffy licked her lips shyly. “Hasn’t been anyone else,” she whispered. She didn’t want him to feel bad about sleeping with Harmony or anything, but she hadn’t wanted to be with anyone else. No one fit her like Spike did. Her hands stroked over his back, stopping at his hips to hold him still. She clenched her muscles and spread her legs wider before helping him push the rest of the way in. “Spike,” she sighed, sliding her arms around him.

Spike’s head dropped to her shoulder. “Oh Buffy,” he whimpered, sliding into her. “You’re so perfect.” It wasn’t like she was waiting for him, not at first. She had no reason to think that he’d come back, but she hadn’t moved on.

Spike lowered himself to his elbows and slowly began moving his hips. It didn’t take her long to readjust to his length and their lips were moving gently against each other. Even at such a slow pace, it wasn’t long before her orgasm was close. The sensations against her clit sent shocks of pleasure through her and they both seemed content with the slow pace; that neither had ever done. “Spike… I’m so close.”

Spike smiled and slid a hand down her thigh. “Almost Pet,” he whispered moving her strong legs around his shoulders.

She didn’t think he could possibly get any deeper in her, but he did and she screamed his name. “You feel so good,” she whimpered. His flexible spine allowed him a deep penetration into her and quickened his pace slightly. Her hands tangled in his hair as white hot pleasure washed over her. She shuddered against him and her muscles clenched around him mercilessly. He exploded into her and after a moment, she lowered her legs to wrap around his waist. “That was amazing,” she said, kissing him softly.

“That it was,” he agreed, resting his forehead against hers.

“I’m all sticky,” she said, with an adorably pout.

Spike chuckled and reluctantly pulled from her heat. “Let’s fix that,” he said, helping her out of bed. His arms slid around her as he kissed her hungrily, backing them toward the bathroom.

She whimpered when pulled away from her, to fix the tap water. She leaned over the sink, checking her reflection. Her hair was a disarray, but her skin had a sexy flush to her, that only Spike had ever been able to bring out in her. Her heart jumped and she smiled when she felt him behind her. His hands slid over her breasts, pinching her nipples before moving lower. “Already?” she giggled as he gently bent her over the master counter. They could do this for hours. But it would never be enough. It would take a lifetime for them to satisfy each other.

“Always with you,” he said, slamming his cock into her dripping heat and she cried out in pleasure. “Okay?”

“Don’t stop,” she whispered, moving against him. She couldn’t bear it if he stopped. Her body was on fire and she couldn’t find her release. She used the counter as leverage to move against him, but she needed more. His hands were holding her hips with a bruising grip, but she didn’t care. One of her own hands loved over her breasts, pinching her nipple before moving lower to her dripping pussy. She inserted three of her small fingers inside herself rubbing over her clit quickly.

Having already loosened her up with his previous lovemaking, he pumped in and out of her roughly. “Buffy,” he growled, watching her finger herself.

“Harder,” she whimpered. “Please, Spike.” She slammed her hips back against his with each thrust, struggling for release. Her heart slammed against her rib cage as Spike vamped out slid his fangs into her neck. The most earth shattering orgasm rocked her as she felt the first pull of blood. “Spike!”

“Mine,” he growled, licking the holes tenderly.

“Yours,” she whispered, her arms shaking for the intensity of her orgasm, and she felt like she was going to melt. She whimpered pitifully when he pulled out her swollen channel, fluid sliding down her thigh slowly, reminding her how good he was.

Spike held her for a moment before he froze. “Oh shit, Buffy,” he said, in horror. “I never meant… you don’t… you shouldn’t have let me do that.”

With some effort, she turned in his arms with confusion. “I know what happened,” she said, placing a finger over his lips. “I do read Spike. There’s nothing I want more then to be yours.” She moved away from him toward the steaming shower and met his eyes. “Forever.” Her neck tingled and the amount of emotions she felt rippling through her was enough to almost knock her over. She knew Spike loved her, but now she felt it.

Spike raised startled eyes to hers and saw nothing but love there. He made his way toward her, following her into the water. “I want that too,” he whispered. “Just never thought we’d do it.”

She smiled and stepped under the hot spray. She winced slightly, her vaginal muscles protesting at every movement. It had been a long time since she had been this sore, but she wasn’t complaining. She just wouldn’t be able to walk for a week.

“You alright?” he asked in concern, kissing her shoulder, his hands sliding over her back to cup her ass against his ever present erection.

“Sore,” she admitted, smiling at his worried look. “A good sore.” She wriggled against him to let him know she was really okay. But she didn’t expect him to drop to his knees in front of her and tell her to hold on. But she grabbed the steel bar on the wall as he lifted her so she sat over his shoulders as his tender tongue stroked over her swollen folds. She rested her ass against the bar, and leaned her head against the wall. She couldn’t believe she had the strength for another orgasm but his soft, cool tongue was soothing the ache between her thighs. His tongue finally stopped to rub repeatedly over her clit, going slow to relieve the pressure but build good pleasure at the same time. “Spike,” she whispered, a gentle orgasm shuddering through her. She trembled and struggled to hold herself up as he got to his feet.

“Feel better,” he asked, sliding his arms around her.

She nodded and smiled. “Much,” she said. “You’re too good at that.” The things he could do with his tongue should be illegal. He made her lose all conscious thought when he was teasing her with his tongue.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, with a smirk. “And go back to bed.”

After a very serious shower, the blondes dried off and headed back to the large bed. Buffy collapsed on her stomach and sighed happily. She couldn’t believe he was here with her. She had waited forever to be with him like this. It was so different. She loved him, and didn’t hide anything from him. And she didn’t make him hide anything from her. He had just claimed her for crying out loud. He had never bitten her before, she had never allowed it.

“Tired?” He teased, lounging next to her, running a cool hand over her heated skin.

“No way, mister,” she said. “Just resting up.” It had been awhile since they had gone this long but in another minute or two, she’d be ready for him.

“Mmm, I can help,” he said, sliding an arm under her. “Just relax.” He helped her cute little ass in the air and once again inserted two fingers into her channel. It didn’t take long for her juices to start flowing and stroked his cock roughly, lubing himself up quickly. “Just rust me.”

“You know I do,” she whispered, her hands coming up under her to hold herself up. He was a very easy person to trust, and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. And she could feel it in her bones she was going to feel oh so very good.

Spike smiled. “Someone’s rested already,” he observed, nibbling her shoulder blades.

“You know it,” she giggled.

“Good,” he said, shifting them around so she was sitting on his lap. He gently held her up, his member carefully poking her rear entrance. “This may hurt,” he said, his cock slick with his own fluid. When she nodded her head, with excrutiating slowness, he pushed his member inch by inch into her tight hole. Each time her hands grabbed his thighs he paused, until she relaxed. He repeated until he was fully sheathed inside of her. “Okay?”

This being a new experience for her, Buffy took the time to adjust. “I think so,” she whispered. The pleasure was already flowing to her womb, she was just learning. When he began thrusting in and out of her, she propped her feet up on the mattress to move against him, slightly quickening the pace.

He slid a hand around her to finger her clit. “Come for me, Pet,” he whispered, pinching her clit gently.

“Bite me,” she said, tilting her head against his. She craved his fangs, needed to feel all of him inside of her. She was so close, but she wanted all of him. His demon came forth and he slid his fangs into her. He slammed into her, pinching her clit hard, causing her to buck wildly against him with her orgasm. “Spike,” she whimpered, collapsing against him as his own orgasm ripped through him.

His licked the holes closed and pulled his fingers and cock from her. “You’re so perfect,” he said, again for the millionth time that night.

Her center was still dripping, his bite still having prolonger the effects on her as she turned in his lap. “I think we’re going for a new record,” she said, pushing down on the bed. They were going for more then double their record.

“Stamina Pet,” he said, smiling up at her. “Best thing about being a slayer and vampire.”

She pinned his hands next to his head, gently rubbing her heat over him. “Feel how wet I am for you?” It was her turn to play. Her delicious fluid was flowing out of her, like it would never stop over his abdomen as she moved over his cock.

Spike lifted his hips, looking for her center, tugging on his hands a little. “You’re always wet for me,” he said. “And hot.”

She held his hands tightly. “No touching,” she said, moving his hands to the headboard. She braced her hands on his chest and allowed the tip of his cock to slide into her. She clenched tightly around the tip before she very, very slowly slid down his length.

“Cor Buffy,” he whispered, his hands gripping the iron bars of the headboard.

Buffy paused once he was deep inside her and clenched him repeatedly. With the same slowness she lifted her hips and lowered them. He wasn’t close enough, she needed more. But she wanted this to be about him. She could feel him struggling for control, and she really needed to feel him. “Spike,” she whimpered. “Please touch me.”

His hands flew to her hips and he slammed up into her so hard her eyes crossed as his cool seed exploded inside of her. He met her eyes. “You didn’t…”

“That was about you,” she said, softly. “Just for you.” He had been doing for her all night and she wanted to give him something. Her own body was grateful for the few moments rest that she was pleasuring him.

His cock was still pulsing inside of her as his hips involuntarily bucked against her. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said, with a tender smile.

“I wanted to,” she said. “I can’t feel my legs though.” She probably wouldn’t feel her legs for days. She smiled down at him and rotated her hips a little as she kissed him. She was getting tired, but her body seemed to have other ideas.

He laughed and rolled them over, still buried inside of her. “Don’t need your legs,” he said, slowly thrusting in and out of her. “Just let me love you.” He arranged her legs so her knees were bent, and he could get deep inside of her, without her having to do much effort.

She really couldn’t feel her boneless legs, but she could feel the wonderful sensations. Her arms slid around him, holding close to her as her climax built. She kissed his neck and as his balls clenched, she bit him hard enough to draw blood. After she took a few sips, she whispered. “Mine.”

Spike nearly sobbed at her claim, having never belonged to anyone. “Yours,” he whispered. “Always.” Then he slid his fang into her neck and said the same. “Mine.”

“Yours,” she said another gentle orgasm washing over her. After a moment, she smiled tiredly. “I’m exhausted,” she said with a pout. She hissed as he pulled from her but she pulled him back. “No.”

Spike chuckled and rolled them so she could lay on top of him, his cock still deep inside of her. “I love you, Buffy,” he said, licking his claim mark.

“I love you too, Spike,” she said, lifting her head to give him a kiss. “Always.”