A/N: Please Read and let me know whatcha think. Much appreciated. And thanks to all of you who read "All That's Good and Bad" and all of you that reviewed it.

Disclaimer: None of these people, unless I created them, or places in this story belong to me. They all belong to ME and its creators especially one Joss Whedon. Darn!

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What's gone on before: Spike came back all crazy and with a soul. After deliberation, Buffy helps him out and their relationship slowly blooms while the first tries to get it's hooks in somewhere along a weak link, which happens to be a soulded vampire desperately in love with a slayer...

...The four occupants of the Summers' home had all turned in around 11 that night. An hour later, pounding on the front door sent all of them in a frenzy down the stairs. Buffy, holding a very sharp sword in her hand, opened the door quickly expecting the worse. Spike pushed in, breathing rather hard and fast.

"Spike, something's wrong." Buffy walked up to him but he turned away and headed to her weapons chest.

"Something bad is going down. At the school. Need to grab some weapons. Get there as soon as possible."

"Let me get dressed and I will come with you." She rushed upstairs and was down in record flat.

"Giles, call the others and then follow. I might need back up." Buffy and Spike flew out the door and down the street towards the school.

Once there, it seemed to Buffy it was eerily quiet. If something was going on, they were either very well hidden or they had taken off. Spike walked behind her the whole time not saying a word. They ended up in the basement, the exact same place where so many months ago Spike was holed up while dealing with his new soul.

"Spike, there's nothing or nobody here. Spike?" Buffy turned but Spike was no longer behind her.

The ground started to tremble and Buffy grabbed onto a desk to keep her balance. After facing forward again, there, standing a few feet from her was Spike. He didn't look right, something was off.

"Slayer, you are easily fooled. You may be strong in body, but you are weak in mind. You have allowed this vampire, this demon to possess your heart, but he is as weak as you. Full of humanity and love. You have turned him against his wicked ways. He will forever now be useless to the evil kingdom."

Buffy was feeling a tinge of fear creep up her spine. The voice coming from Spike was not his, the eyes were not his. Whatever this was that was using Spike, taking over his body, his mind was definitely not her Spike.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"Come closer and I will show you."

Buffy reluctantly walked over to Spike, making sure she was far enough away. Spike's head dropped then suddenly he took a large gasp of air.

"Buffy, get out of here," he hissed. He bent over in pain but when he straightened up, he was no longer himself again.

"I am older than time itself. I was here before, ruled over everyone and everything, and I will do it again. You, little girl are in my way."

The floor began to tremble again, this time splitting a crooked seam next to her, steam rising up from the opening, tendrils sneaking out and grabbing Buffy by the ankles and the wrists. Giles and the gang rushed in just at that very moment.

"Buffyyyyy," Dawn screamed.

As she was pulled into the hellmouth, Spike was sent flying through the air, knocking the wind out of him. He struggled up into a kneeling position, shaking his head, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

"Oh, god, Buffy, Buffy. What have I done?"...

Chapter 1

Spike remained kneeling on the cold basement floor, rocking back and forth while spent tears dried on his face. "I failed her, a moment of weakness and I failed her."

Dawn was crumpled up in Giles' arms as the other three stood together, looking at the spot where just recently Buffy hung precariously to the edge of the hellmouth opening.

Spike slowly pulled himself up, stumbled to the crevice that remained opened, steam continuing to flow out in wisps. He leaned over as if ready to jump in when suddenly he was grabbed and yanked back, falling atop somebody.

"What the…sod off. Let go of me." He struggled to get up.

"What are you doing, Spike?" Xander still held onto Spike's arms firmly.

"It’s all my fault. Should go after her, I'm going in after her. Bringing her back or taking her place, whatever I have to do to right my wrong. Whatever."

He finally broke away from Xander's hold but the boy, Willow and Anya placed themselves between him and the opening. Spike's shoulders slumped and his head hung down.

Dawn sobbed. "No, no you can't leave, too. We'll think of something, right Giles?"

"Yes, of course we will. We'll find someway."

Spike began to growl, trying his best to make them all hate him for what he believed was all of his doing.

"Don't be a stupid git. You're all so pathetic, thinking that there is an easy fix to this. Sticking up for one another, by each others' sides til the very end, thinking everything can be fixed just from love and friendship and family and all that rot."

He dropped to his knees, covering his face with both hands, trembling with silent sobs.

"Stuff and…nonsense…It's all…a bunch…of rubbish," he hissed between sobs. "I don't…need any…of it. Don't…need…any…of you. Can't…love…an evil…thing…like myself."

Silence filled the room as the occupants contemplated what Spike had announced. Dawn stood forcefully and marched over to him, lowering herself directly in front of him.

"Now you listen here. I don't care what you say, I know better. I know what kind of person you were before and after you were turned, and I know what kind of person you are now. I know what you really want. You want to be loved and forgiven and trusted and accepted. You want to be a good man. This," she looked around at the others to make sure no one said anything. "…this is not your fault and nobody’s blaming you."

Spike looked up at the little girl who didn’t seem so little anymore. "What do you know? You’re just a child. I was weak, let that evil thing take over me because it knew my true side, knew it could just slip in and use me as its puppet."

Dawn was becoming frustrated. "Believe me, I know a lot more than you think. Remember, I am actually older than you and I haven't told anybody this, but something is changing, something inside me. I know certain things, can do certain things that I never knew I could before. I think there’s something about this whole key thing. I'm stronger, quicker, I know more things, I’m more perceptive. I believe I'm being prepared for what’s to come. Maybe you are, too. Maybe this is a test. Did you ever think that?"

"Piffle, a test of what? Faith? Balance? Structure? A test to see which side we’ll choose to be on in the end?"

"Possibly, possibly all of it. Don't give up on us, you're family. You've come this far. If you really love any of us, really love Buffy, you will go beyond the call of duty. We’re all stronger when we fight together, and we need you. We can overcome the bad. Don't be going off all half cocked and jumping into the fire alone. That may be the way you try to get things done, but it could make things worse than they already are. You understand?"

"Yeah, bit. Yeah, I do. I may need some help to start out with. Giles, our discussion we had before…before all of this mess. Is it still possible?"

"Yes, I believe it is. I do think we need to get it done as soon as we can. I truly believe it was your downfall this time, your main weakness. Best we get it nipped in the bud when we can. I will call him tomorrow morning to verify the time and location."

"OK, is this some kind of vampire/watcher code language, cause I'm completely lost here," Xander was a bit perplexed.

Spike cleared his throat and looked at Giles not knowing what to do. Giles continued to stare at Spike. He turned his attention back to Xander.

"I think it best to wait to fill you in afterwards. Just to be cautious, not that I don't trust any of you. Spike needs my help right now and I plan on giving it to him. Now all I ask is for your trust and patience."

"Ok." The four agreed.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy felt heaviness all over. Too hard to breathe. Was she still alive? She could hear things going on close by, felt hot and sore. Her head hurt, her mouth was dry. She opened her eyes. They even hurt. It was dark of course and she seemed to be immobilized somehow. But she was still standing.

As if right on cue, she heard a door shut and footsteps approaching. The room she was in was becoming brighter. A man, clearly human, stood before her.

"You are the chosen one, are you not?"

"Don't you know?" Her voice came out in a rasp.

"Most clever. Strong and witty. I like you."

"Where am I?"

"Don't you know?"

"I don't like you. Is this hell?"

"Let's just say a part of the netherworld. Sort of like perdition."

"Why am I here?"


"You're out of the picture now. You were a thorn in my master's side, a hindrance. You've succeeded in quelling us once before. You had a weak boyfriend then as well. Lucky for us, your boyfriend now happened to be at war with his demon and his soul." He chuckled evilly. "Well, really he wasn't. That pesky soul of his was an abomination. Come to find out he had an electronic device implanted in his brain. We can do wonders with technology nowadays."

"So you brainwashed him?"

"That's such a nasty term. We like to think of it as making choices for him. He is very strong as well. Almost couldn't touch him. We got him when he was weak. I mean, come on, he just got a soul, is hopelessly in love with a slayer, plus is handicapped from a government chip. We found him at the right time."

"So now you've left him with the guilt and shame of unrelentingly aiding you to take out the slayer?"

"Mmm, not in so many words. We knew we couldn't get him to kill you so we had him do the next best thing. Bring you to us."

"And who is us?"

"Don't you know?"

"Oh, don't start that again. Just tell me flat out, who are you?"

"We are the First."

"Ahh, so I have defeated you once before. I remember that very well."

"I wouldn't say that really. You just…weakened us for a short time."

"I don't call 4 years a short time. What brings you back to Sunnydale?"

"There seems to be a flaw in the dividing line of the balance; an unsettling. The host, my master, wants to take over the world, and what better place to start. The other hellmouths have been closed for so long. This one, yours, seemed to be the one to start with. Sorry if you have any objections. You really don't have a say in the matter."

"Actually, I do. This is my town. I am sworn to protect it and the hellmouth. It is my sacred duty that I am bound to it for eternity or til I die. And no matter what, I will find a way."

He chuckled as he walked away.

"I think we may have a visitor soon. I wonder how you will react to him. Be fun to see."

The light dimmed slowly as a door shut loudly. She was left hanging there, alone and very frustrated. She needed to do something but what?

Meanwhile, a new day was rising over Sunnydale and things were not going to get any simpler anytime soon.

TBC

Disclaimer: None of these people (except my made up characters of course) or places in this story belong to me. They all belong to ME and its creators especially one Joss Whedon. Darn!

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Dr. Slovich was a respected doctor in his field. The Council of Watchers had used his services countless times and in fact he had been invited to work for the Initiative at one time. Now he was an underground surgeon, top secret, who helped the demon population but only by recommendations from well-known humans or companies. No need for violence and maiming in the office workplace by the seedier side of the demon populace. One of his first rules was that the demon patient had to be accompanied by the human who recommended it.

Giles was the first one up in the morning while Willow and Dawn remained fast asleep upstairs still. Spike had set up a cot in the basement because he decided it best to be close by and ready to go when the time came.

Giles dialed the number he had hidden in his attaché and waited for someone to pick up. Eight rings later, he was still waiting but when he had decided to hang up around the tenth ring, a woman's voice peeled out a hello.

"Yes, Rupert Giles calling to confirm an appointment with Dr. Slovich this evening."

"Giles, Rupert, ah yes. Mr. Giles, please give me the patient's name."

"Yes, it is William Winters."

"Very good, sir. Your "nephew's" operation is confirmed. This evening at 7:30, operating room 4. Do you know how to get here, sir?"

"Yes, thank you madam."

"Make sure that the patient has no food or any liquid in his system for at least 12 hours prior to the surgery."

"I will make sure, thank you again. Good bye."

"So?"

Giles dropped the phone and grabbed his chest.

"Don't sneak up on an old man like that! I do have to be alive to take you to this appointment, you know. The only way you can get in there and get it done is if I'm with you."

Spike sat down, like a child who was being reprimanded, head hung low and hands clasped in front of him. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"I was just joking. I was trying to lighten the mood. You alright?"

"I'm…nervous."

"I can tell. Something else is bothering you too, I think. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not afraid if that's what you're thinking." Spike looked up the watcher with irritation on his face.

"No, no, on the contrary. I think you have been remarkably brave."

"I just…what if I change?"

"You mean back to being evil?

"No, not really. I know I won't go back to that way of living again. I never really had control this last time but I know I didn't harm any humans. Well, none besides Buffy. Everyone hates me again, don't they?"

"Spike, all of us know. This was something out of your control, not of your will. You were being brainwashed, taken possession of, controlled. Didn't you hear anything Dawn said to you yesterday?"

"Yes, but I could’ve done something about it sooner. Could’ve…"

"What? You said yourself you didn't know what was wrong with you, what was happening until it was too late. We will get through this one way or the other, we will."

"What if having it removed changes me, who I am? What if I don't want to do anything? Does that make any sense?"

"I don't think you will have anything to worry about that. I know how you feel about Buffy and that won't be taken away from you. The chip, it's been more or less a security blanket for you, protecting you from unleashing your animalistic nature, but now you have your soul to fall back on and it will tamper the demon. Has already. And you've been through so much these past three or four years. I think you have grown a lot. You know what is right and wrong and know how to curb the beast within. There are still some humans who can't even do that. Besides, would you want to risk leaving it in for fear of whomever to manipulate your mind and your actions again?"

"No. I'll do it, don't worry bout that. No more reservations. I want to get Buffy back safe and sound.” Spike stood, looking more confident. “Hey, I'm starving. Cooking breakfast?"

"Uh, sorry. You're not supposed to eat anything til after the surgery."

"Bloody great," he growled. "Do they want a cranky vampire in their operating room, them standing around with all that blood pumping through their veins like an open buffet?"

"I think it's just a precautionary thing. Besides, I believe you will be tied down. I, unfortunately," Giles gulped back a sour taste in his mouth, "have to be in the room with you at all times. I'm warning you now, not saying I don't trust you, but I will be carrying a stake."

"Thanks Giles. I'm going back to bed." He got up and walked back to the basement door but turned before heading down. "I really mean it though. Thanks."

Giles nodded.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Dawn tiptoed back to the room she was sharing with Willow and quietly closed the door before sliding over to Willow's bed. She gently shook her by the shoulder until the witch came out of her deep sleep.

"What's wrong, Dawnie?"

"I just overheard Giles and Spike talking downstairs."

"You mean you were eavesdropping."

"Just by accident. I was coming back from the bathroom and overheard Giles on the phone. After he hung up, Spike started talking to him." The girl seemed excited and nervous at the same time.

"And…", Willow prodded the teen.

"I think Giles is going to take Spike someplace…somewhere where he’s going to have the chip removed."

Willow sat up in bed all of a sudden with a surprised look on her face and Dawn shook her head up and down.

"Uh-huh. That's exactly how I reacted. What do you think of this?"

"Well, Giles must know what he's doing, I think. Did you hear anything else?" Willow enquired.

"Giles asked Spike about someone manipulating him again. Do you think that’s how the “Big Bad” got to Spike, using the chip?"

"It's a strong possibility I suppose. Microchips are pretty powerful and they can be used in many ways and for many things. Whoever “Bad” this is, they must have targeted it somehow using technological devices or what. Poor Spike, that would have been so scary."

"I think he's scared about going through with it, but I think he’s scared not to. Do you think maybe we should let them know we know, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Willow smiled sincerely at Dawn. "I think we should maybe go and talk to Spike sometime today. When is the operation?"

"I think it's tonight after sunset."

"Whew, not even 7 am and we've done a lot of thinking for the day. Let's get dressed, act casual, then take Spike somewhere where we can sit down and chat with him. He needs us right now. He needs some Dawn and Willow hugs."

Dawn smiled at Willow's plan. "Lots of Dawn and Willow huggies."

"Yep!"

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy hurt all over. She didn't know why, she hadn't done anything except hang there for what seemed like forever. The next time that pipsqueak showed his face, she would try to make a bargain with him. She really needed to stretch and move around and really, really needed to go pee.

As soon as she thought it, the cuffs around her wrists opened up, freeing her from the shackles. She looked around cautiously, rubbing her wrists lightly, trying to get the circulation flowing back. A door opened nearby. She heard it before seeing it. Slowly she made her way over and peered around it.

Hmph, a bathroom. Just like home, all the comforts. She was almost afraid to sit on the toilet lest something come up and grab her, but she would take the chance. She really needed to take the chance.

Once finished with her morning regimen of stretches and a quick workout, she checked out the room she was in. Couldn't just go without doing the detective work. Wanted to see if there was a way out of this hellhole. Like she knew what she would do anyway if she did get out.

Nope, nada, couldn't even find an actual door. Must be somehow melded into the wall, magically opening whenever someone wanted to come in. Didn't surprise her any. She started pacing back and forth feeling like a caged rat. She pondered a moment. Poor Amy. Now she knew what it felt like but of course Buffy had no fun spinning wheel to occupy her time. She started working out again, basically shadow boxing, keeping her strength up. Needless to say, it felt good to be free. She didn't know when or for how long she would be chained up again. Taking advantage of her freedom, yes sirree.

A door creaked. The echo confused her; she couldn't see or tell where it opened. Then, poof, he was there, right in front of her. Scared the pants off of her. He was like a slithering, slimy snake stalking prey in the grass.

"You again. So what do I owe for the honor of your company once again?" she sneered at the intrusive demon.

He tsked her. "Rude manners. Thought you might be hungry but impolite guests don't deserve any nibblets."

Nibblets. Dawn, Spike. She had to shake the thoughts of them out of her head. Couldn't let them see her weaknesses.

"I do apologize then. Thank you kind…whatever you are. I am starving. Please tell me it is human food?"

"Quite. Eggs, toast, bacon and juice. Satisfactory?"

She took the tray obligingly and thanked him earnestly.

"And please do eat. You may not get anything else for some time."

She looked up to voice a protest, but of course he was already gone. Slithered back into the grass to await the next time.

TBC

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She was there, right there in front of him. Hell, on top of him in all her naked glory. Straddling him, riding him, moaning. What the hell was going on? He distinctly remembered she was gone…for the time being. This just seemed so real, so good. He groaned and ran his fingers through her tangled golden tresses that hung down and tickled his chest. He had always loved that feeling. Everything felt so real.

Whispered to her, "Buffy, I love you."

"Mmm, I love you, my sweet William."

Then the rush, the swell of the wave as it came crashing down all around them. 'Did she say…oh…' Another climatic surge. '…boy.' Flashes of white light ebbed behind his darkened blue eyes. God, this was good. So good. Moaned again followed by a growl as the spasms lessened.

"Buffy, please. Did you say…?"

Her head shot up and her eyes burned with hatred, glowing crimson as if the fire’s of hell consumed her. Her features changed, became harsh, dark, and ugly.

"You can go to hell!" she growled out between razor sharp teeth, saliva dripping from them.

He scurried out from underneath her, until he came up against something hard, a wall. She crawled towards him, growling and snarling.

"Buffy, oh god, I'm sorry. So sorry. I'll do anything to take back…"

"I said, GO TO HELL!"

She was merely inches from his face, her breath hot and stale. He shut his eyes tightly and turned his head away, ready for the death blow, his body shaking. Nothing happened. Opening his eyes, he turned to look at her but she was no longer there. He his chin dropped to his chest and sobs erupted slowly.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Willow peered down the basement stairs to see if Spike was still sleeping. Dawn followed her as they both made their way downstairs to witness the vampire moaning and tossing about on the makeshift cot. Willow stopped suddenly and Dawn smacked into her toppling the witch forward a bit from the sudden impact. Spike groaned again.

"Mmmm, Buffy, so good."

Willow gasped as the teenager’s eyes grew wide. Willow turned and placed her hands over the juvenile's ears but his tossing became more intense when Willow noticed the look on his face had changed from pleasure to fear. She took her hands away from Dawn's ears and scrambled around to the side of the cot sitting on the edge and trying to soothe the vampire to slowly bring him out of his nightmare. Finally she just grasped him by the shoulders to keep him from falling or hurting himself causing him to bolt upright, grabbing Willow by the forearms and squeezing tight.

"Buffy, NO! She's…gone," he whispered. Tears began to pool in his eyes and in an instant Willow saw them change shades of blue. She chuckled to herself and thought, 'He's got mood eyes', but she was still concerned about him and he was hurting her arms.

"Spike, you're hurting me."

His vision came into focus as he realized Willow was sitting right in front of him. He released his hold on her not once even noticing the pain in his head the chip was sending out and mumbled a sorry under his breath. He was still panting as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, deep in thought, and realized he had been having a nightmare.

"Are you ok? Do you need to talk about it?" Willow sincerely asked.

"Ah, Red, ever the psycho-analyst." Spike smiled sincerely at her proffered help. "Just a dream, that's all. Don't wanna bore you with details."

"Ok, if you're sure."

"Yep. Was I loud?"

"Actually no, Dawnie and I came down to visit and to…to talk with you."

"Oh, a visit from two of my favorite girls. What's up?"

Willow shook her head, "Nothing's…up…just…"

Dawn plopped herself down on the floor Indian style and broached the subject.

"You're getting the chip out, aren't you?"

Spike slowly turned his gaze to Willow who shrugged and cocked her head to the side. Spike took it as she didn't really know the story either.

"Well, bit…"

"Tell the truth."

"Yeah, yeah I am. Giles figured out that this “Big Bad” is controlling my mind."

"Is that why you turned on Buffy and took her to the hellmouth?"

"Yeah, that's why. Cause you know I would never do anything to hurt her, ever, ever again, right? You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I knew something was up; Willow and I both knew, even Anya knew. Xander, well, he's always out of the loop."

"I suppose he really hates me now, huh?"

Willow piped in. "No, no actually he was just very angry, but he thought that you were possessed. I mean, if you saw you like we saw you. Your eyes were not yours; even your vampire features looked different. We all knew something really strange was going on. No, Xander even saved you from jumping into the hellmouth."

Spike shook his head in affirmation.

Dawn reached out and placed her hand on his. "How are feeling now?"

"Like I'm standing on the edge of a very steep cliff with thousands of demons charging at my back. Like I can't decide whether to jump into the bottomless crevice or stay and fight the multitude. Either way it's a risk. I don't even know if "it" can still take control of me. They have her now, but is there still more they want? It's like a foreboding shadow hovering nearby."

"Hmm, it's like in my dreams last year. There was always this shadowy figure flitting around. Never knew if it was good or evil, it was just there." Willow recalled her nightmares she was plagued with for months until she came back home. She didn't have them quite as often nowadays as well as Spike and Buffy.

"Yeah, kinda how I feel. Don't know if it wants to help or push me off the cliff."

"So," Dawn continued, "how do you feel about having the chip taken out?"

He smiled at her as he touched her cheek gently.

"Concerned about me? Don't know yet. I want it removed but it…I mean, I've had it for so long, never gave it a thought til lately. I guess I'm a bit nervous. Of the outcome really. I know I don't want to go back to what I was before it was put in. I've 'grown up' so to say. I'm a vampire, always will be, but I have a soul now, have a family." He reached out and tugged slightly on Dawn's hair.

"I wouldn't want to give all this up for the hunt and kill. Not ever again. Did that for almost 100 years. I've grown too attached to you lot."

"Good, I'm so glad to hear that," Dawn smiled. "We are with you 100% all the way. Can we come with you tonight?"

"Bloody hell, nibblet, what else do you know? You been eavesdropping again?"

"Just by accident, really. Overheard you and Giles talking, that's it…He's worried about you, too."

"I know he is. Believe me, he treats me like a child sometimes even though realistically I'm way older than him. And the answer is no. Too shady and not a place for lil' bits."

"Will you be able to come home tonight?"

"Yeah, I think. Might be a bit groggy but I don't think it's the kinda place you wanna stay overnight at."

She stood up as Willow followed suit. Spike got out of the cot to stretch when Dawn threw her arms around his neck and loved on him tightly. He returned it just as Willow enveloped the both of them as well. He bussed both of them on their cheeks and mumbled a thanks.

"Get some more rest. We wanna hear all the gory details when you get back tonight." Dawn giggled as Willow shook her head and gave him a confident smile while trudging back upstairs

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**.

He stood there in front of her.

"So, Slayer, miss me?"

"Yes, I do. I miss you so much. Where have you been?"

"I've been here the whole time. Waiting and watching. Waiting for just the right time." He started towards her, closely circling around her. Never really touching her but her senses went on overload. Every time she reached out or leaned in he would back away. Behind her now, he started to lightly growl, his nose behind her ear, sniffing. Tingles ran up and down her spine. His hands ran down her arms but never touched them. She sighed and bared her neck to him innocently; he chuckled evilly.

"One good day, Slayer. One good day." She distinctly felt a change in him and in the air around them. A charge, a surge. She felt the bite, pain shot through her entire body, eyes shot open, gasping as she tried to figure out what was going on. He was drinking from her, slowly draining her. Why did this not frighten her? He stopped his ministrations and whispered into her ear.

"Death is your gift, little girl. And I will make it happen. Should have never trusted me, never let me in, Slayer."

Before he could sink his fangs back in, a new strength flowed through her. She grabbed him by his hair and yanked him over her shoulder. He landed with a thud on his back as she straddled him, a stake appearing in her hand from out of nowhere. He was back in his human form, his eyes hurt, tears flowing freely now.

"I'm sorry, luv. So sorry. I was weak. They had me by the shorthairs. I deserve this. I deserve to never be with you, ever again. Kill me slayer. Do it, Buffy."

The stake hovered merely inches from his undead heart as she began to cry uncontrollably, shaking her head no. Quickly, he grasped her hand holding the stake and forced it into himself, her screams echoing off the walls as ashes billowed up all around her.

She woke up laying on the hot, dry floor, curled into a ball. The shackles had released her but she had still been unconscious ending up in this position. She could feel the wetness on her face. What did this all mean? She knew she would never be able to kill Spike even after what he had done. She knew he had no control of the situation, but it seemed so real to her. She curled up tighter and cried even harder.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

It was mid afternoon and Spike was going stir crazy. He had paced the length of the basement floor several times and had only been awake for 20 minutes. As these times he wished so fondly for a cigarette but had giving up the disgusting habit when Buffy found him smoking after a heavy patrol. She warned him right then and there she wouldn’t be kissing an ashtray mouth and he threw them all away forever.

He sighed in exasperation as he finally grabbed his notebook lying on the floor beside his bed, the one Dawn had given him as a Christmas present. He hadn't written anything in it for a while but really needed something to keep him preoccupied. He made his way up out the dark and dank hole in the ground and realized he actually liked the feeling of walking up out of the darkness into the brightly sunlit rooms of this warm and cozy home.

Dawn was standing at the kitchen counter, humming to herself while preparing a snack, which, in his mind's eye looked worse than what he lived on. Mixing chocolate and strawberry syrup with vanilla ice cream, candy sprinkles and marshmallows? Well, he knew he couldn't say anything. He was sure she would have a few insightful remarks about his plasma diet so he left her to her science experiment without uttering a word.

Giles was hunched over the coffee table reading out of a textbook of some sort. He was sure it was some kind of research; the man ate, slept and breathed research material. Spike was sure he was looking for a way to get to Buffy which made him feel a little more at ease. He enquired where Willow was, just out of curiosity and Giles informed him that she had slipped upstairs, trying to get rid of a sudden headache that was ailing her.

Spike plopped down on the chair in the far corner, away from any indirect sunlight of course. Pulling his knees up to use his lap as a table, he opened the empty notebook and stared at the blinding white pages. He held the pencil in his left hand, tapping it rhythmically on the bridge of his nose as his gaze drifted to the mantel above the fireplace and he glanced at all the family pictures, the one with Buffy and Dawn capturing his attention. They were really happy in the picture and as he continued to stare at the photo of Buffy, the words starting flowing through his mind. He began writing furiously in the notebook, descriptions of her, feelings for her, all pouring out from his soul. Notes, little stories, poems, everything and anything. It felt good to actually let out all his emotions onto the paper.

Meanwhile, upstairs in Dawn and Willow's room, the witch had decided to take a nap after popping a few aspirin. She wanted to be at her best to give Spike an exuberant send off for his chip removal. Maybe it would relax him a bit knowing that they were positive about it and cheering him on.

How unusual that her quick cat nap turned into a deep slumber that was quickly taken over by a vision. She saw herself sitting in the middle of a dimly lit room, all alone she gathered. Someone spoke, a soft voice, a familiar voice. She cocked her head slightly to listen to the tiny voice as it grew louder. Tara? It was!

"Tara," Willow gasped out.

"He's the one, dearest, the only one. He will bring her back."

Willow shook her head in confusion. "Who? Bring back Buffy? Who will bring her back?"

"The one who lost her. But he will lose something. What he loses is all up to you."

"Spike? It's Spike, isn't it? What will he lose?"

"But be careful. It is powerful, it is old, and they’ll stop at nothing. They still have him under their spell. Be wary but be forgiving for he knows not what he does. Help him. The world needs him as much as the slayer in the end. He needs to know it will cost him something if he's willing to save her."

"Thank you, sweetie, thank you." Willow beamed at her unseen girlfriend as she slowly regained consciousness.

Back downstairs, in the living room, Spike had turned out page after page of heartfelt sentiments meant for his eyes only. He would never let anyone else see what he had ascribed. They would think him a ponce for all the beautiful words he conveyed about his Buffy. It helped his mind and heart settle thinking about the wonders of her.

A sharp bolt of pain ripped through his head sending stabbing jolts to his eyes. He had to shut both tightly, and grabbed the sides of his head, letting out a pleading moan. He reared his head back and roared. Giles definitely heard it, and stood abruptly to investigate.

"Spike? Spike, what's wrong?"

He shook his head slowly, still groaning slightly. Willow flew down the flight of stairs, a bit nervous from the previous cry she had heard but excited at the prospect of the vision she just had. She noticed Spike holding his head; apparently he was doing alright because he looked up at her when she entered the room.

"Giles, Spike, I think you both better hear this. I had a dream or a vision and was told that Spike is the only one that can go and rescue Buffy. He…Spike? Giles, is he ok?"

Giles had cautiously made his way closer to the vampire. He turned to look at Willow and shrugged his shoulders as Willow walked over to stand next to Giles, leaning forward to place a hand on Spike's flexed arm. He was so tense. When her fingers barely touched him, he snapped. He stood suddenly and grabbed her, slipping into vampire face. Willow was too frightened to say anything as she remembered what Tara had warned her about.

Spike growled, "They want you, witch. You're a threat to them and they want you gone. So be a good girl and come with me. If you fight me, I will drain you dry."

"Spike, it’s still daylight out. Let's be reasonable about this and sit down and talk. We always have good conversations, remember? We're friends. You don't want to do anything rash."

"I don't fancy a one on one with you, Red. Let's go." Spike grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch just as Giles pounced in front of him, thrusting a cross in front of Spike's face and throwing him off balance. He tumbled back, releasing his grip from Willow who ran to stand behind Giles.

He hissed at the watcher, grabbed the blanket again, and flew out the front door. Giles knew he had to stop him.

"Willow, I'm going after him. I don't know what I'm going to do once I catch him…"

"Maybe sedate him? I can get something ready and follow you."

"Yes, that may work. I'll try my best to distract him. He probably went back to the school, to the hellmouth." Giles grabbed a stake along with the cross he already had and rushed out in search of Spike.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Giles indeed found the vampire in the basement of the school, pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself or to whoever was getting inside his mind. The distraught vamp stopped and lifted his head when he realized he wasn’t alone.

"See, I told you she would follow me. She likes to try to fix things, I know the witch all too well."

"Well, this time she didn't feel like fixing anything." Giles stepped into the room and stood in front of Spike.

"Watcher," he snarled, still in vamp face. He began to chuckle when he saw the stake and cross. "Come to try and rid the world of the big bad, huh?"

"Well, yes, but at this particular moment in time, you're not on the big bad list. I don't want to fight you, Spike. I've grown accustomed to your presence, be it some what annoying at times. Let's be rational and figure out a peaceful truce. I don't want to fight you, you don't want to fight me. You once told me you thought of me as a father. So, now I'm here, ready to step into the fatherly role, ready to help you out."

"Piffle, I don't need your bleeding help, Watcher. Doing fine on my own. Don't need anyone's…" Spike stood in silence, eyes wide, his human guise slipping back. He looked down at his chest where a tranquilizer dart now stuck out of it. His legs began to wobble as his eyes rolled back and he crumpled to the ground.

Both Giles and Willow hurriedly grabbed him by each arm and hauled him up and out of the basement. Willow had driven Giles’ car so they tossed the vampire into the back seat, thankful the evening sun had just set, and headed back to the house.

Giles dropped Willow off and quickly headed to the secret location of Dr. Slovich. He hoped Spike would come to before they had to prep him for the initial operation; otherwise Giles might have to face the wrath of Spike. Though the wrath of souled Spike was not really that bad, so on the other hand, maybe an unconscious Spike was better after all.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy had been in a somber mood the whole day. She wasn't sure what her dream had meant and was tired of trying to figure it out. She didn't want to kill Spike. We're they going to make her kill him? She had to find a way out of there and back home. She wasn't really sure how long she had been there but it seemed like a lifetime already. Buffy knew she must prepare herself for what was to come…and for the visitor she was supposedly going to have.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

He heard himself moan and his head was throbbing. Ack, and that taste in his mouth. Did he drink some rancid blood? Cheap booze? Why did he feel so disconnected from his body? He sniffed the air before trying to open his eyes. A mixture of aromas: disinfectant, antiseptic, a few pungent demons and…Giles? He moaned again and tried to open his eyes. The lids were so heavy, like they were being held down by something but he finally opened them and blinked, feeling like they were crossed, he couldn't focus on anything. The lighting was dim but still very bright to his sensitive sight.

He heard a shuffle nearby. Giles. Spike knew he was there. What the hell had happened? Last thing he recalled he was sitting in the comfort of the Summers' home, writing in his notebook. Oh yeah, the blinding, searing pain, but nothing after that.

He wanted to sit up, but again the heaviness weighed him down like a ton of bricks were sitting on top of him. He even tried to raise his arms with no success but suddenly he felt the bindings around his wrists and ankles. He was tied to something, being held captive.

"Giles, there better be a bloody good explanation," he mumbled. "Why am I tied up? Oh, god, no. Did I do something? Something bad? Did I hurt someone? Can't recall, why can't I remember? Giles, please, talk to me."

"Sshh, keep your voice down, William. Explanations can be made later. You think you can get up and walk out of here?"

"William? Did you just call…?"

"Yessss, William.” Giles hissed without retort. “I would feel ever so much better discussing our plans in the car, on the way back home. Are you capable of sitting up and walking?"

"You're gonna have to help me."

"I can do that. Let me undo the restraints first then you can slowly sit up."

He did just as Giles said, slowly rising up to a sitting position. His head swam but as soon as it settled, it began to throb and he held his head in his hands, groaning in pain.

"I feel like I've been on a binge."

"I can assure you, you haven't. How are you holding up? Ready to try standing?"

"Give us a minute. There, ok, the swaying has stopped. Ready."

Giles hooked his arm under Spike's armpit and slowly hauled him up into a standing position. His legs felt like rubber and they were trying their best to give out on him so he grabbed the side of the bed and forced himself back up. Giles pulled Spike's arm around his shoulders for better stability.

"Are you ready to try this?"

"Lead the way, mate."

Slowly, but surely, they made it outside and to Giles' car without any incident. Spike growled when Giles helped him into the passenger side of the vehicle.

"Bloody hell," he grumbled. "Feels like I've been walloped good."

"I'm sure you do."

He slammed the door shut, causing Spike to wince from the loudness. Giles cringed and apologized then quickly walked to the other side of the car. Once in and engine revving, he threw it into first and hastily made their getaway. The tension Giles was holding in seemed to melt and he released a breath he never realized he was holding.

"Wait a tick, it's nighttime. How? Did I black out? Did I…aw, I'm such a stupid git. The chip is out, isn't it?"

"Presumably so. I rather think you might be a bit miffed at me, but I had no other choice. It, the evil thing, had you in their control again. You tried to harm Willow so we knocked you out with a tranquilizer and I brought you to the facility. They didn't even have to put you under. Dr. Slovich said he thankfully had the right equipment for the procedure. It was quick and…well, somewhat painless."

"Not for me it wasn't. This bleeding hurts. Well, at least I didn't go all 'Frankenstein's Monster' on you." He chuckled. "Yet."

Giles snickered nervously, but stopped suddenly. "That is not funny. You better be on your best behavior or else."

"Yes, dad. Hey, wanna try something?"

"What?"

Spike curled his right hand into a fist and punched Giles' arm. Giles grabbed his upper right arm and gave Spike an alarmingly disgusted look.

"Bloody hell, that hurt!"

Spike smirked. "No, it didn't."

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Willow and Dawn waited anxiously for the two guys to return that night. Every ten seconds or so, Dawn had her nose pressed against the front window, peering out into the dark street. She would then commence her announcements to Willow that they were still not home. After fifteen minutes of this, Willow took matters into her own hands and taking Dawn by the arm, sat her down on the couch in front of the TV to watch a movie. About half way through it, a set of headlights shone through the curtains and both girls jumped up and ran to the door.

Giles was helping Spike out of the car as Willow stepped in to lend a hand, or rather a shoulder, to distribute his weight evenly. She noticed right away how much more pale he looked and could tell he was in excruciating pain. Dawn made him up a comfortable spot on the couch that they slowly lowered him onto. At that very moment, Dawn noticed he wasn't wearing any shoes.

"Spike, where are your shoes?"

"Hmm? Don't rightly recall, nibblet," he answered quietly.

"Um, if I seem to remember, you didn't have any on when you left out of here." Giles answered the question to the missing shoe mystery.

"Oh, and while we're on that subject; I'm really sorry, Red. I hope I didn't frighten you, or worse yet, hurt you."

"No, no. You were fine. Not quite a perfect gentleman, but the pain was minimal. I was just glad the tranquilizer took. Wasn't sure how much would knock a vampire out. I've only had to shoot werewolves before. Oh, oh and I know the same amount of dosage will knock a human clean out for hours. Right Giles?"

Giles moaned. "Don't remind me of that particular incident."

Willow snickered as Spike looked on, baffled.

"Are you saying the old Watcher has been bitten by a tranquilizer dart? Who was the perpetrator?

"Buffy", Giles moaned again.

Now everyone was laughing until Spike groaned and grabbed his aching head. Giles patted him on the shoulder lightly.

"Get some rest. It should wear off soon enough for you. We will talk later."

Spike would have answered him if he had not dozed off suddenly. Giles pulled the afghan over him and they left him to his peaceful rest and recuperation.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Morning came too early. Thank goodness someone had remembered to shut the heavy drapes tightly. After all that he had gone through the previous night, it would have been a shame to wake up and find yourself scattered around, mingling with the dust bunnies. Not of the good.

Someone was already up and moving around in the kitchen. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee permeated the air and mmm, cinnamon. He loved certain human aromas, the kind that made him feel good, feel safe and at home, the kind that brought back pleasant memories. His thoughts moved to Buffy. He shouldn't be feeling this way when she was God knew where having to endure God knew what. He berated himself because he knew something had to be done and done soon.

He sat up slowly and was surprised he felt pretty good for having "brain" surgery less than 12 hours prior. Vampire healing, always a good thing to have. He pushed himself up to a standing position, a little off kilter but steadied himself just as fast. Ok, now to move those legs forward. There we go.

Giles was sitting in the kitchen reading the morning paper, waiting for the coffee and whatever delectable pastry was baking in the oven. He looked up as Spike came to sit across from him.

"How are you doing, Spike?" Giles sympathetically asked.

"Better than being stuck in the eye with a hot poker iron, I presume."

"Uh, well, I guess that is, uh, favorable then. Coffee's finished unless, of course, you want tea or the, uh, other beverage."

The timer went off a few seconds later and Spike virtually jumped up with excitement to run over to the oven, almost sticking his hand in it without a mitt. He peered in and smiled. His favorite; cinnamon rolls. He wanted to be helpful so he iced them right away. Actually he wanted to eat one right away but he looked at it as being helpful. He did get one out of the pan for Giles, though.

Willow walked in with bed head in tow, yawning and still looking like she was asleep. Pouring a cup of coffee, she sat next to Giles and laid her head on the table. Her head snapped up as she stared at Spike diligently. He was too entranced with the gooey warm pastry to notice.

"Spike?...Oh, um, how're you feeling today?"

He took a huge bite out of his cinnamon roll and smiled.

"Ine an andy," he mumbled around bits of iced breading.

"Ohhhh," she yawned. "…good. I actually needed to talk to the both of you. I tried to yesterday until you turned all fangy and grrr on me, but I had another dream yesterday. Tara spoke to me and said that you, Spike, are the one to bring Buffy back."

Giles cleared his throat. "She said Spike specifically?"

"No, but she said the one that lost her."

"Willow, we all lost her. Could mean any one of us really." Giles tried to sound understanding.

"No, it's him. She warned me to watch out for him because they still had him under their control."

"Did she say how?" Spike was a little wary especially if this duty involved any magic.

"No, no she didn't. Just that…she said…"

"What? Just spit it out, Red. What did she say?" Spike was feeling nervous.

"That you would lose something to gain her freedom."

They all sat around in silence.

"Well, then, I guess we better get cracking those resourceful books of yours, Watcher. We've got us a slayer to bring home. "

"Yes, yes I suppose we should." Giles felt a twinge of fear hit him as an icy shiver ran up his spine.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Research was an inevitable quest and even Dawn got involved with all the boring books, anything to help bring her sister back home. In fact, it was Dawn that found important information about the hellmouth. It was, at the present moment, closed but they knew that once it opened again, all hell would break loose on earth, and for certain, things would happen very soon. The potential slayers were on their way to Sunnydale being brought by a couple of Watchers who were snatching them up before they could be targeted by whoever was knocking them off. They all knew they had to get Buffy back though or stand the chance of losing the battle against evil.

Spike knew he had been used by the Evil, but nevertheless still felt responsible for Buffy's kidnapping. He was prepared to go in after her, to fight whatever he had to bring her back. He missed her so desperately that it was like a terribly large hole had formed in his unbeating heart, aching constantly. Usually when he would began to think about her, his mind would kick in and berate him for allowing himself to be used as a pawn in the evil scheme. It helped him to start up a journal again. He wrote down his thoughts, stories and favorite poems. He didn't feel so bad afterwards.

Xander and Anya popped by in the afternoon to aide in the research, Anya grumbling under her breath the whole time. Xander found out from Willow that Spike had the chip removed and not to overreact about the situation. Now was not the time or place to worry about Spike's ability to harm humans if he so should desire to. No need to test any theories out and make things worse. So Xander approached the subject lightly.

"So, Spike, heard you had the chunk of metal and wires removed from your head," he slapped Spike not too gently on the back. Spike slowly turned his head to glare at the boy.

"Killed anybody lately?" Xander smirked ever so casually at the vampire.

In one fluid motion, Spike had Xander pinned against the wall, hand wrapped around his throat, not so tight that it would cut off his air tract, but tight enough to make Xander nervous.

"Hey!" Anya yelled. Willow and Dawn stood up from their seats and Giles ran out from the kitchen.

"Only you, boy, would say something so shallow about my lack of a handicap I've lived with for over three years. I've wanted to do this for so long now; I think I'm going to revel in the moment at hand. Prepare yourself for a bit of hurt, Xander my boy."

"Spike," Giles spoke softly but with warning in his tone.

Xander cringed and scrunched his face up awaiting the harsh fist in the face he was expecting.

"Hey, Xander?" Spike whispered, so Xander opened one eye and looked at him. Spike pointed his index finger at Xander's nose and tapped it while making a honking noise. He released the grip around his neck and patted him lightly on the chest.

"Gotcha," he smirked at the now relieved man still leaning against the wall for support.

Spike turned and looked at everyone standing around and staring at the two of them.

"Hey, lighten up. Do you think I would really resort to violence after all of this? Does no body have faith in me? Cause you know, that really sucks."

"Probably really bites, too," Dawn calmly said trying to lighten the mood again. Spike smiled at her and she began to giggle which caused a domino effect which resulted in everyone laughing. Spike offered his hand to Xander who shook it without reservation. Everyone quieted down when Spike cleared his throat.

"I want you all to know that you can trust me. It's up to you to believe me. I vow I will not do anything to hurt any of you. You are all I have, my family and I plan on doing everything possible to get Buffy back and defeat this evil that's trying to take over. I just hope you do believe in me."

The three girls smiled at him then went back to their previous work, and Xander butted him with his shoulder as he walked over to the research table. Spike turned and looked at Giles who nodded and went back into the kitchen. Spike smiled. No one had any arguments or qualms so this was of the good.

By early evening they were all sitting around the dining room table once again. Giles sighed loudly making everyone look up from their research materials to stare at him. He pulled his glasses off and laid them on the book in his lap, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh my," he moaned again, sounding exasperated.

"Giles, please share," Anya whined.

"I found a key factor."

"So, that's of the good, right?" Willow knew something bad was coming along with the good.

"Well, yes and no. By what I've read here, yes, Buffy will be saved and brought back to us to fight in the final battle."

Dawn smiled and sat up straight in her chair. "Well, that's really good. What's the bad news then?"

Giles looked up and stared directly at Spike. "Whoever is sent in to save her has to give up his life for the return of the chosen one."

The look between the two never faltered. Finally Spike broke the gaze and looked back down at his book. He stood suddenly causing the chair he was sitting on to topple backwards, and looked at each and every one of them before speaking.

"If that’s what needs to be done, then that’ll be what I'll do."

"No, no," Dawn slapped her palms down on either side of her book on the table. "No, it's not fair. Having to lose one to get one back? Doesn't seem fair. Spike you can't do this. I won't let you."

"Bit, I'm willing and able. You need your big sis. I'm going to get her back one way or another, even if it means staying in her place or dying for her." His voice began to crack as he slowly bent over to sit his chair upright. He lowered himself in it just as slowly.

"Sorry," he looked up at the sad and surprised faces again. "Hard to get a handle on it. You know I would die for her, for her to live. She needs to live. The world needs her to live. More than it needs me."

"Spike," Dawn began to sob.

"Shh, nibblet. Everything’ll be all right. I'll see to it. I think…I need to get some fresh air now since the sun’s gone down. I'll be back and then we can discuss how to go ‘bout all of this. The sooner I can go…the better."

Spike felt like everything was moving in slow motion as he leisurely walked to the door and out onto the porch. Standing there for a bit, he filled his long dead lungs with the fresh night air and gazed up into the clear sky. The stars sparkled brightly as the moon glowed overhead and cast an almost magical ambiance across everything. He stepped off of the porch and headed down the walk.

Inside, everyone remained quiet. Dawn was still sobbing, Xander and Anya were flipping through pages of their research books and Willow had laid her head down across her folded arms while Giles still stared at the wall opposite him. The front door opened as Meg, Willow's girlfriend and fellow Wicca, walked in looking happy and humming a tune. She bounced into the dining room and her smile faded as she saw all the drawn and tight faces.

"Oh, no. Who died?" She whispered.

Giles smiled painstakingly. "No one, yet, dear. It seems we have stumbled across a way of getting Buffy back. The problem being it will take the life of the rescuer to get her home safely."

"Spike. Oh, no." She sat down next to Dawn and wrapped her arm around her quivering shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Dawnie. Can I see the book you found this in, Giles?"

"Of course, but it states it very clearly."

Meg read the paragraph then handed the book back to Giles looking somber. She slid her hand into Willow's and squeezed it slightly. Willow smiled softly at her.

"Is your laptop still upstairs, sweetie?" She asked Willow.

"Yes, it's sitting on the desk recharging the battery, but it should be finished."

Meg stood. "Can you come up when you're finished down here?"

"Sure, I'll be up shortly." Willow smiled at the druidess' retreating form.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Spike returned an hour later not uttering one word as he made his way to the kitchen. No one really knew what to say to him anyway so the mood around the house was quite dreadful. Willow was making her way upstairs as he walked back into the dining room holding a mug in his hand and sitting down in the seat he had abandoned earlier.

"Find out anything more? About how and where I need to go?"

"No, not yet. I think we should call it a night and pick up again in the morning." Giles tried to sound upbeat.

Spike sighed loudly. "If you think it best. I'm beat then. Heading to bed. Goodnight."

Dawn held out her hand as he passed by and he reached for it, giving it a slight squeeze before leaving the room. She slammed the book she had been researching closed and pushed it away from her.

"I'm going to call it a night, too. See you in the morning."

Anya and Xander took off as well, leaving Giles still in research mode. By God he was going to try and find an alternative if he could. He was tired of losing members of his "family" even if this member was a souled vampire who was over 100 years old. He was still a part of the family. His loss would be mourned just as much as any of the others' deaths would be. There just had to be something somewhere.

Willow had found Meg staring intensely at the computer screen, her fingers flying across the laptop's keyboard. She pulled up the extra chair next to her girlfriend to see what she was working on.

"Find anything interesting?" Willow asked, hoping beyond hope she had come across something helpful.

"Sort of. After reading that paragraph in Giles’ book, something clicked. Have you had anymore visits from Tara? I think she may have more answers for us."

"No, but that doesn't mean I won't."

"Don't you find it interesting that Spike was mentioned in a prophecy for the final battle yet you’re sure he’s the one that’s supposed to go and lay down his life…or unlife as the case may be, to rescue the Slayer because she’s needed to play a vital part in the battle to end all battles?"

"Hmm, yes, it did mention two souled vampires fighting with Buffy. Do you think we’re being misled again by this Evil Big Bad?"

"I think this was supposed to be a trial of some sort. I think Buffy was actually supposed to be taken to the hellmouth. She’s being put on trial to see if she’s worthy enough. Now it seems to be Spike's turn, and knowing Spike, he’ll go to get her and give his own life for her. He would do nothing less I'm sure of it. I also think we’re here to intervene on his behalf. I was looking up protection spells and it's kind of hard to explain, but I think we can trick this evil somehow and bring them both back here safely."

"Wow, how did you get to be so smart?" Willow leaned over and kissed the tip of Meg's nose. She smiled.

"I retain a lot of information. And I think this Evil is playing with everyone's minds, making a right mess of them. Making us forget things and hindering us in our researches. I think your vision from Tara was a gift from the higher powers."

"Well, I think we need to run this all by Giles. We'll keep this information just between the three of us and see what we can come up with. Some way, some how we have to keep our family alive and all accounted for."

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

She sat in the middle of the circle she had formed with the powder she had bought from the Magic Box, candlelight flickered from the four strategically placed candles on the circle. Willow had gone into a deep trance, seeking any kind of help or information that would bare any weight of good news. Meg was oblivious to the red-headed witch sitting in the middle of their bedroom as she busily scanned over information she was looking up over the internet. Willow was far, far away.

The red-head found herself sitting in a brightly lit room this time. A faint hum was coming from somewhere she couldn’t discern. She wanted to speak out, wanted to call out for Tara in hopes that the spirit would have useful information for her but she sat, waited patiently until suddenly the light in the room dimmed considerably and standing before her was a shimmering form of Tara.

"Hello, sweetie."

"Tara, I'm so happy to see you. Thank you for coming here again. We desperately need some help." Willow pleaded.

"Yes, I do know this. It may be too big this time. The First Evil is stronger than ever. An imbalance has occurred; a rift in the dimensions. The Chosen One was taken because she is needed to close the portal. Without her, the portal will remain open and The First will have free reign of this world. It will take it completely over. But the main element is the one warrior who once walked in the dark, though now harnesses the light within. He is a balance of light and dark within one soul. Don't let him lose this soul. Don't let him lose his heart. The two shall become one and then the strength will flow freely. Evil is around all of you; none of you are safe. You have to be strong, know what is good and what is not. An enemy walks among you until the balance is corrected. Be watchful. I'm always here for you to call on but too much information will hurt, will hinder. Take this seed of knowledge and plant it, nurture it. Love can conquer." Tara's voice faded away as the wisp of light that took on her form disappeared.

Willow slowly opened her eyes and realized she was back in her room, Megan still scanning the computer screen.

"The First," Megan said softly catching Willow off guard.

"What did you say?"

"The “big bad” is the First Evil," Meg turned around in her chair to gaze at her girlfriend.

Without any warning the flames on the candles shot up, causing both girls to jump to their feet but just as suddenly, the four candles extinguished themselves.

"What was that all about?" Meg whispered, afraid to speak any louder.

"I think they know that we know now. How did you know?" Willow looked at her quizzically.

She shook her head back and forth and shrugged her shoulders. Meg gasped as she peered down at the book she had clasped to her chest when the candles went all wonky. It was the same book that Giles had read to them earlier but now each page was blank; not one word etched on any of them.

"Well, would you look at this? Seems like we’re on to something. All evidence of their evilness has been erased." She looked up at Willow who still looked a little wary. She looked at the book that Meg now held up for her.

"This is, I guess, good news in a way? I mean, that Spike won't have to die to save Buffy. But what do you think it is he’ll have to lose? Tara said he would lose something. Oh, goddess, you don't think it will be his soul, do you? She specifically told me not to let him lose that."

"I don't know, hon. I wish I did, but I don't really know. I found some protection spells in an old book of my grandmother's but most of them have dire consequences. Maybe we should just let it all play out on its own. Maybe we shouldn't even interfere, let it happen. He goes, gets her out, comes home and everything is ice cream and cotton candy."

"I hate to be the pooper of your beautiful party, but this is the hellmouth and nothing ever comes out sweet. Nothing ever comes out even yummy, but you may be right. It might be better if we stay out of it as much as we can." Willow sighed as she began to clean up the clutter of magic stuffs. "Never any kind of normalcy in this town.

"Willow, do you think we should tell Giles and Spike, you know, about the “not having to die to save Buffy” part? I think he deserves to not be all doom and gloom for the rest of the night."

Willow stopped and pondered, looking behind her at the clock on the nightstand. It was just after two in the morning.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'm sure neither one of them are sleeping right now anyway. Come on."

Both of them silently made their way downstairs looking in on Giles in the dining room who was doing exactly what Willow had figured. He looked up at the two witches as they entered.

"I see your still pounding away on the research duty. Find anything useful or interesting?" Willow asked him.

"Just that we may be dealing with a very old, very powerful evil force." He confirmed.

The girls looked at one another and in unison replied, "The First."

Giles brows rose in surprise.

"We've been researching too." Meg smiled at him sweetly. "Is Spike downstairs?"

"Why yes I believe he said he was turning in. I don't blame him. Was a lot of information to deal with."

"Well, we have some good news; as good as you can get for the situation we’re in. I'll go get him and bring him on up, that way we only have to tell it once." Willow turned and headed to the basement door.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Spike had done a myriad of things once he had made it down to his underground room. He paced the floor, sat on his cot, paced some more, smoked at least a half a dozen cigarettes while pacing and sitting and then finally decided to sit down and write in his notebook. Kind of ridiculous that he was writing out his last will and testament, what with already being dead. He just wanted to make sure everyone knew his final wishes and that everyone was taken care of especially Buffy and Dawn.

When he heard the door open at the top of the stairs, he silently closed the book and shoved it under the pillow sitting on the cot. Willow appeared in his line of sight and they exchanged smiles at one another.

"Hey Red. What are you doing up still? Thought you and the little pixie scampered off to bed." He always had a cute name for Meg because she was so petite but packed a lot of intelligence in her small frame. He knew he would never cross her.

"We sort of did. Been up doing more research, well, she was. I was off in another world I guess you could say. We found some things I think you’ll find interesting. Mind coming up so we can tell both you and Giles?"

He shrugged as he pushed himself up. "Don't really have anything better to do."

Back up in the dining room, the four sat around the table. Meg looked at Willow before deciding she should speak first.

"I figured out this whole prophecy thing, the one with you dying, was a ruse. Our big bad, the one that took Buffy, has been playing with us all. It’s The First."

Giles cleared his throat. "The First is, well, the first known evil to have existed in this world. It dominates some outer dimension at the moment and I think has plans of taking over not only this world but all dimensions, all worlds. It is very powerful and very hard to defeat. We may be fighting a losing battle."

"Not necessarily. I was visited by Tara again. We have a chance, although a small one and yes, we do need Buffy, but…" Willow looked over at Spike, who still looked glum.

"Spike, you’re the key to defeating The First." she continued.

"What? Me? Why me? I'm nothing really. I'm not even living. I'm…" he began to ramble on before Willow held her hand up to stop him.

"Regardless of what you think, Mr. Gloomy pants, you are something. My goodness, you sure are broody…just like someone else I know." She felt like making light of the issue they were discussing. Spike growled at her insinuations as he sat forward in his chair. She giggled.

"Alright, enough of that missy. What else did you find out? What else did Glenda tell you?"

"Just that you need to keep a tight hold on your soul…and for some reason your heart which I'm not really sure what that actually means. Buffy is like the glue; she’s needed to repair the tear in the universe. But you? You are the balance of light and dark and I think the two of you will know how to defeat the First to send it scampering on its way once you or we figure out how you are actually supposed to do this."

Spike sighed and sat back in his chair with a grunt. He rubbed the bridge of his nose at the exact same time Giles did, both of them noticing this and quitting as quickly. Willow and Meg laughed softly.

"Seems like a lot of work. So, I guess I best be getting to the Slayer and bringing her back home. Just how am I to get there?"

"Oh," Giles stood abruptly as he scooted over opened books and loose papers, a few fluttering down to the floor. "There is a ritual we will have to perform tomorrow, or well today I guess. Simple enough it sounds like. Should take you right where you need to be. At least I hope it does."

"You know Giles I don't fancy all the mojo." He glanced up at the witches and smiled slightly. "No offense ladies. It seems things go a bit wonky whenever magic is performed. And there's always consequences. Always consequences."

Meg and Willow glanced at each other briefly before turning their eyes back to the Watcher and the vampire.

"Well," Willow started, "maybe we’ll just have to do things with very little magic. Tomorrow we’ll head over to the school basement, and what, knock on the hellmouth door? See what happens?"

Spike began to chuckle. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan. A good plan indeed." His smile faded slowly as he realized how much he wanted his slayer back home safe and sound. She had only been gone for a couple of days but if he was right about things that he had heard about hell dimensions, it was much longer for her.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy felt old. She felt tired and worn out. She had lost count of how long she had been here, how long it had actually been since she was tricked by the vampire who had been physically taken over by the evil that was holding her captive now. The thing wasn't even brave enough to show its face to her. During the time she was visited by the snake demon that basically was taking care of her, she tried her best to pump him for as much information she could, which didn't happen to be very much, except that its Master was very old, and very strong. That and she knew she was going to have a visitor, someone that she knew which frightened her and calmed her all at the same time.

The snake like demon made its presence known as it appeared in front of Buffy, holding a tray with her evening meal on it.

"Missss Ssssummersss," he hissed between two sharp fangs as he sat the tray on the table. "I suggest you eat and keep your strength up. Your visitor will be here soon. You will have choices to make. Shall be interesting to see what will come of it all."

He left as quickly as he came, leaving Buffy in a clouded stupor about this so called visitor. Her head hurt but she ate every last bite of her meal before heading to the punching bag the demon so graciously supplied her with not too long ago and beat the crap out of it.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

"So…I'm guessing you want I should stand in the middle of this…circle you so graciously poured out here on the floor?" Spike stood, hands on his hips, head cocked to the side, smirk forming at his mouth, very Spike-like in every possible way.

Willow stopped what she was doing and just stared at him, mouth agape. Meg, Dawn, and Xander snickered in the background, as Giles rolled his eyes and shook his head, all the while mumbling something indistinct under his breath.

Finally, the red-haired witch spoke without any trace of annoyance in her voice. "Oh, no, no, no. You, dearest Spike, have to hop around the circle on one foot while patting the top of your head and rubbing your tummy." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Touché," Spike smiled back as he folded his arms across his chest.

She glanced up at Giles momentarily, nodding her head as the Watcher moved towards Spike to escort him to the circle. Dawn ran up to them, halting their progress as she threw her arms around the vampire. He in turn placed a hand on her arm while he ran the other over her brunette locks, soothing her as best as he could.

"Come home soon, safely, with my sister." she whispered.

"I will try my best, bit. Not going to make promises this time, but I will honestly try my best." Spike looked over to Giles.

"You sure this magic spell will work?" his gaze slowly shifted to the two witches. "I mean, the ‘me not dying in the hellmouth’ part."

Giles patted him reassuringly on the back. "Don't fret over the trivialities. You do what you need to do and let us do what we need to do. Willow should be able to keep a link with you and you should have no problems what-so-ever communicating telepathically with her."

"Got it. It's only my life that's trivial and hanging in the balance now." Spike quickly noticed the off look he received from the watcher and quickly changed the subject.

"Let's get the show on the road, then. Time's a-wasting here, ladies and gents." Spike stepped into the inner circle and held his unneeded breath tightly in his chest.

Willow proceeded and tossed something Spike was sure was some magical herbal compost in the air over his head, causing him to pull his chin down to his chest and scrunch his nose up from the odor it emitted. Suddenly his head shot up to glare at the witch.

"Red, something…something's happening here. I feel really weird…," Spike vanished into the air before Willow even had a chance to utter one word of the transport spell. All six of them stood and watched in amazement and confusion not knowing what had just transpired.

"Is he…did he…are you sure he went where he was supposed to go?" Anya seemed annoyed. Willow and Meg seemed confidant they knew what they were doing and what was going to occur when they did do the spell. Neither one answered Anya's question and both she and Dawn became agitated. Meg cleared her throat and nudged her girlfriend slightly in the ribs.

"Oh of course we know that he went into the hellmouth. Hopefully somewhere close to where Buffy is being kept." She smiled upon finishing her staccato but upbeat confirmation. The other girls didn't seem to be as confidant.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

He noticed the darkness first, then the heat. The air sizzled around him; he felt as if he was free falling but didn't fear too much about the landing. All his senses were overly sensitized. He strained his eyes, but they couldn't cut through the thick blackness. The smell was of death and fire, intense heat; the sounds were too many, not only the whizzing air but other odd and indiscernible noises. In an instant, all came to a stop and he could tell he was standing on solid ground.

'Bollocks, now what? How am I supposed to see my way 'round here without a torch or even my lighter would’ve been nice? Any kind of light would’ve been nice,' he thought.

As if someone had been listening in on his private conversation, the room he was standing in slowly began to grow brighter making it seem as if he was surrounded by spotlights. He stood there to let his eyes adjust to the higher level of light while his body acclimated to the new surroundings. He wasn't in a room at all, but what looked to be a long hallway with only a few inches space on either side of his shoulders.

Spike looked behind him quickly then turned his eyes back to the front. Either way led to darkness, he just wished he knew which was the right way to head off in. He shut his eyes tightly, focusing on her, trying to lay out a map in his mind, trying to sense his girl. It hit him like a ton of bricks and disappeared just as quickly. He knew it was her he felt, could smell, almost taste her. He turned and headed in the right direction, at least in his mind it was.

The hallway he walked through lit up with every few steps he took. Spike stopped and turned, looking at the way he just came. "Huh," he grunted as he mused over the situation. The lights were following him, keeping him surrounded at all times, reminding him of some type of sensory system programmed to come on when it detected any kind of motion. He shrugged and continued on his way. In some areas of the hallway, the ceiling would dip, causing Spike to have to lean down to keep from hitting his head. Even the walls would narrow at times, just enough to make him turn to shimmy his way along.

After what seemed like hours, the hall opened up into a fairly large room, its walls lined with doors; many doors to be precise.

"Bugger all," he growled. "I hate these lit’l games."

He walked over to the first door, slid his hand into the groove, and waited. It wasn't as if he was afraid, no, never that. Just not looking forward to what he may find once he did open the door.

Spike sighed, "Well, Monty, let see what's behind door number one, shall we?"

Nothing happened as he yanked on it once, twice even three times for good measure. Shuffling over to the second door, it remained shut as well. The third door didn't promise anything either. Spike growled, throwing his hands up in the air while turning to look at the room and the other doors, noticing the intricate designs of some ancient and dark artwork on the floor.

"I'm guessing I'm gonna need a key. Shoulda brought the bit," he chuckled slightly at his little joke.

He began to stride across the expanse of the room to the other side, slowing his gait when he reached the center which was slightly raised up from the rest of the floor. He stopped for some unknown reason on the small platform, transfixed by the odd design that seemed to float up towards him as he looked down upon it. Without any warning, the area gave way like a trapdoor and he plummeted down into nothingness.

"Oh, shiii…," he shouted in alarm as he was instantly swallowed up by the blackness, losing consciousness almost immediately.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

He came to slowly, hearing nothing except himself moaning. His head was throbbing and his first thought was he needed to lay off the liquor. Then he remembered; he hadn't had a drink in quite a while and then fear clutched his chest momentarily. It subsided almost instantly as he slowly opened his eyes and had to blink. Nothing really. He was sitting in the middle of a rather large, rather rotund room, no door, no windows yet there was light all around, not necessarily bright but a dim light that created a lack-luster effect on the walls encircling him.

No noises, no…he sniffed the air as he was wont to do…no conspicuous scents, no nothing. Only an eternal, freaking wall; even the ceiling was round. At first he imagined himself a gladiator readying for his fight with the beast. But hey, who knew, he might be considered the beast.

"Bloody ridiculous, is what it is," he grumbled as he stood only to be put back in his place by some unforeseen hand. "What the f…?"

"Salutations, William," the voice boomed, interrupting the vampire's swearing. "We've been expecting you."

"Oh, you have, have you? And who is we exactly?" Spike glanced around the room hurriedly, checking to see if he was still the only one in the room.

"We are the beginning. We are much older than time itself. We are the first. Why are you here?" the voice reverberated around him.

"Came to seek out a girl. I believe you have her here…somewhere." he grumbled.

"Ah, the chosen one. Do you honestly think you will find her?" the voice asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Well…yeah! Vampire here, with all the extra sensories tied up in this good looking package." he smiled mischievously.

"Then you won't mind if I ask a few questions?"

Spike smirked. "M'not going anywhere, am I now. Ask away."

"Why do you want the slayer?"

"Her family, her friends, they need her. The world needs her, you might want to say, to balance the chaos," he replied matter-of-factly.

"I did not hear you mention yourself. Do you not need her as well? Are you not obsessed with this slayer? Just like the two you previously hunted down and murdered?" the voice teased.

Spike remained quiet for a bit. "I respected those slayers. It was their job, it was their fight. Yes, I sought them out. I loved the battle, the rush of fighting, never knowing if I would win or lose yet knowing I would win. It was all about the power…and the dance. The power flowing through them into me."

"So you drank from them?"

"No…well, yes. The first one, yeah. Needed to taste, to feel. The second was all about the dance."

"You sought out the third slayer?"

"No, I didn't actually look for her at first. Came to Sunnydale only because of Dru, my sire. She was very sick. Needed her sire's blood. Found the anointed one who was fighting the slayer. Then I made the effort to "seek" her as you say."

"You tried to kill her, yes?"

"Tried,"

"She tried to kill you, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And yet after these many years, both of you have repeatedly failed to kill one another. Why is that?" it seem to be goading him.

Spike groaned. "It's a long story."

"Enlighten me."

"Hey, aren't you all-knowing, shouldn't you know the whole story by now?" He was met with an irritating silence.

"Fine, very well. I think we never really wanted to kill each other in the first place. I think we’re both equally strong and we both enjoyed our dance together. That's it in a nutshell."

"Hmm, not a very long story. Aren't you in love with the slayer?"

Silence permeated the air. "I asked you a simple question," the voice boomed loudly causing the vampire to jump slightly.

"Yes."

A sickly chuckle. "So, you are saying you are actually in love with the slayer, killer of your kind, your mortal enemy, you, a demon?"

"Yes, me, a demon and…a man. I love her with all that I am."

"How can you love? I realize you have a pitiful excuse for a soul now, but before. I know you were in love with her even before you won your soul back. Even before you really even knew yourself."

Spike began to squirm in his seat. Even though he didn’t want to tell this voice anything, he felt compelled to, honest and forthright. "I don't rightly understand that wholly myself. Love is one thing I always strived for when I was a human. I believe I carried it over with what humanity stuck with me in the demon aspect. Without it, I’m an insecure underachiever, weak. When I was human, I was weak and insecure, but I was good. My morals and beliefs were strong. I would have never hurt anyone or anything."

"Uh-huh, I see. Would you do anything for this human, this slayer?"

"Yes, I would."

"Would you die for her?"

A pause. "Yes, a million times over."

"Amazing. I am truly baffled. You think this slayer, a human female, could love a thing like you?" it jabbed.

"I could only hope." Spike looked down at his feet. "The life of a slayer is complicated. It's very dark and filled with death yet they seem to radiate with goodness and light. A balance I will never understand which seems to make them unhappy and alone. All I want is for her to be happy."

"And you think you can make her happy, give her a life she so richly deserves?"

"I can try. Why do you think I went to get my soul back? I did it for her. She deserves not to hurt, not to hate, not to die. She deserves to be happy and to live."

"Do you think she could love you without a soul? Love you as a demon? And what if you didn’t love her? You think she would find it again or just kill you, rid herself of the headache and of the empty promises?"

Spike's eyes flashed yellow. "Why don't you ask her? I can't answer for her."

"If she wants a human mate, someone weaker than she, would you go back to your human form?

"If that would make her happy…yes, I would. In a heartbeat." Spike's voice trailed off.

"Do you think she will ever trust you again after what you did to her? Handing her over to the darkness?"

"You did that, not me. I had no will over what you pulled with me." Spike spat vehemently.

"Very well, I am finished with you."

"What do you me…"

"No more questions."

"Oh!"

"Get some rest, William. Soon, very soon, you will see your slayer. Take heed, you will have to fight for her life. One of you may have to give up your life for the other. I am anticipating the outcome of it all." it seemed evilly gleeful.

Spike sat, eyes staring blankly and mouth hanging open. Maybe the watcher and the witches were not correct in their assumptions after all. Death was always on their heels, in one way or another.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

'Red, you there? Can you hear me? Red, answer me. I need to talk to you… OH COME ON, WILLOW.' he barked out the last words in his head.

'Don't growl at me!' Willow scolded.

'There you are. Was beginning to wonder if all that blathering the watcher went on about was all just a bunch of soddin’ flim-flam.'

'Apparently not. What's up? Did you find Buffy yet?'

Spike snorted out loud. 'Apparently not…or I'd bloody well be on my way back home right 'bout now, wouldn't you think?' he replied sarcastically.

'Didn't know you were gonna be a Mr. Grumpy vampire.'

'Yeah, well you try doing this after being interrogated and then told that you just might be on the receiving end of everlasting death just to save Buffy. Doesn't fit too well in my book of happy, joyful moments. Now doesn't that seem like a fairly good reason to be grumpy?'

'Spike, please, don't let that enter your head. You need to stay focused, let us work on the other. We're doing so now. You'll be coming back with Buffy, I promise. I'm not saying the evil whoever won't try to pull a fast one, but I need your head clear, that way I can tell what’s going on. Okay?'

'Yeah, right then. I can do that. I'm putting my unlife in your hands.'

'I'll be checking back with you later. If you need me, give a holler.'

'Got it.'

Spike sprawled out on the floor, hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling above him.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

‘SPIKE!'

He sat up, eyes wide. "Ahhh…oh." ‘BLOODY HELL, RED, don't do that to me. Was sleeping; not very wise to sneak up on a vampire when they're sleeping.'

'I'll take note of that and…I'm really sorry. It's just that I've been trying to reach you for an hour and I was getting worried something had happened.'

'No, nothing yet. What you need?'

'We have things prepared for your travel back, with Buffy of course. We need to work out a signal of some sort when you have her and are ready to go. We’ll need a few minutes to do the actual incantation itself.'

'Alright, I'll just tell you and expect the wait. But what if things go down? What if something bad pops up?'

'Then just tell me. Let me know, like say 'Code Red' or…huh, that's kinda funny…Code Red. I like it. You know, since you call me that.'

'Okay, okay. Code Red it is then. If the shit hits the fan, you'll know. Wait, someone's coming. It's…Buffy. Gotta go.'

Spike stood abruptly and stared at her. She looked at him in confusion for a split second then turned her face away. He felt anger bubbling up from within him; she didn't look like his Buffy. Her hair looked unkempt and hung limply over her shoulders. Her eyes were dull, lifeless and dark circles encompassed them. Her clothes were dirty and draped loosely off her body.

“Willow, I thought I heard Willow."

"No, luv. S'just me. Come to take you home, pet." he crooned softly as if not to startle her.

She turned back to him and glared. "Why would I want to go with you? You brought me here, didn't you? Sent me here to rot, rot for all of eternity. I thought you loved me and you tried to destroy me. I was an idiot to think I ever…"

"No, no Buffy. That wasn't me, only me physically, but not me. I wasn't in control of what I did. You have to believe me. I would never, never intentionally hurt you; you know that, don't you? You believe me? Please, Buffy, believe me. I love you so very much, always and forever." his voice hitched near the end of his confession.

Buffy's face softened as her eyes welled up, tears threatening to spill over. Her smile was weak and he could barely see his girl trying so desperately to get out of this weathered and worn shell. He smiled and took a step towards her, slowly reaching out to touch her. The smile faded on her lips as she held up a hand and shook her head violently.

"No," she whispered. "They’ll see, they'll know. I'm supposed to…hate you. Supposed to fight you so I can go home. Go back. I'm supposed to…kill you…for my freedom. I…I just don't…Don't touch me, don't smile, don't look at me, not like that. You have to fight, fight me, Spike. Fight like you want to kill me, fight like you used to fight with me, like you want to rip me apart, drain me dry. Let's dance…dance and make it look good."

"Buffy, I don't know if I can…"

Buffy walked towards him briskly, hands clenched, drawing back her fist and hitting him square in the face. "Shut up, you son of a bitch. I said fight and you're gonna fight me."

She pulled back again, but this time when she swung he swayed to the side, catching her fist in his tight grip and twisting her arm behind her back, reaching his other arm around her neck and leaning his mouth to her ear.

"I'll fight you, bitch. You won't even know what hit you." he growled deeply.

Buffy chuckled, throwing her head back and butting his, causing him to lose his grip on her as he stumbled backwards. She swiftly turned and caught him with a right roundhouse, throwing him through the air and landing with a thud on his back. He shook his head to clear the stars and birdies away that were floating behind his eyes and jumped up in time to block her second kick, catching her foot, turning it and pushing her away. This gave him ample time to give a shout out to Willow.

'Will, now, do it now. We need to get out of here quick like.'

'I hear you, we got it started. What's going on?'

'Can't…really…talk…right now. Just…stick…close by.'

'Will do.'

"Fight, damn you," Buffy hissed as she continued to pummel him senseless. Blood trickled down from the cut above his eye and from his busted lip. The nose was the next to go yet he couldn't will himself to hit her, or at least hit her hard. He blocked most of her punches and kicks but the ones that got through were close to being deadly. She knew he was holding back, could feel it in his punches. She was scared for him, didn't want to kill him, didn't want him to die, but she had to make it look good. A rush of wind swept by them. Too late; they, it was onto them.

"ENOUGH!" it roared angrily. "This isn't a fight, it's a beating. Can't have it, no, not at all. His love for you is getting in the way. Not anymore. We will have to do something about that, now, won't we?"

'Red, red--code red, Red. Get us the hell out of here, NOW!' Spike wheezed as he stood up straight from his stooped over position. He looked at Buffy with fear in his eyes, and saw the same reflected back.

'I hear you, Spike. You have to be touching her, holding onto her. Should be about ten seconds, just hold on tight.' Willow rushed out in one long breath.

He felt it, it was too late. Hot, searing vice-like grip on his ribcage, penetrating. His heart felt as if it was being ripped from his chest. His eyes flashed ferally as he tried to keep his senses. Buffy cried out softly, as he lunged towards her.

'RED! Gotta go NOW!' Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy tightly.

'Done!'

A blinding flash of white light hit them both.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

"Are they alive? They both look awful."

"Anya, please, not helping." Xander pulled her away from hovering over Giles and Willow while they checked on the pair. Dawn sat quietly on the couch, afraid of what was to be the outcome of Spike and Buffy's interdimensional hellmouthy travel.

"Buffy's alive, got a pulse. Giles? How's Spike doing?"

"It is difficult to say, really. No breathing, no pulse, no movement. He's been beaten up rather splendidly, though."

"I had a feeling something was going on down there. Oh, Buffy’s coming to." Willow announced.

The slayer's eyes slowly opened and blinked a few times. She couldn't focus on anything but she heard them, her friends were talking, about her and about…Spike. Spike! Oh, God, what happened? She remembered, that thing, the evil, bad thing was hurting him, then Spike was looking at her, so scared, and he was talking to Willow, without moving his lips, screaming to get them out of there, rushing towards her and grabbing her.

"Spike? Is he…alright?" her voice was raspy.

Giles laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He's still out, Buffy, but he's strong. I'm sure he is fine, will be fine."

"But you don't know…of course you don't know. They were hurting him, doing something to him, right before he grabbed me and I passed out."

Dawn stood up and walked around to stand in front of her sister. She dropped to her knees and wanted so much to hug Buffy.

"Dawnie, it’s so good to see you."

The sisters threw their arms around each other simultaneously and hugged tightly, rocking back and forth as tears began to trickle from them both. A groan was heard from the body still lying flat on his back next to Buffy. She gasped and turned to look at his bruised face.

"Spike," Buffy whispered leaning closer to him. "Spike, you did it. We made it back home. You were so brave, so smart. You got us…"

Spike smiled rolling his head back and forth. "Dru, love, what’re you talking about?"

Buffy was surprised. "No, not Dru. Buffy, it's me, Buffy."

He chuckled, his eyes still closed. Giles looked at the three girls sitting and watching the vampire.

"I just think he's disoriented. Could be from the spell, could be the interim from the travel. Anything. Don't worry, Buffy." She shook her head in confirmation.

Spike moaned again, his brow creasing. "Buffy? What the…"

His eyes shot open, and a look of shock passed over his features as he sat up slightly, leaning back on his elbows. His sight traveled over each and every occupant standing, sitting, squatting in the living room surrounding him. No one seemed to be giving him any threatening looks, no one seemed to be holding any pointy weapons over him. but it still didn't give him any confidence for his safety. With that in mind, and trying his hardest not to look like too much of a git, he shuffled back in a crabwalk as fast as his hands and legs could carry him, running smack into the front of the couch and landing on his bum.

Buffy rolled over onto her hands and knees, still feeling a bit weak, too weak in fact to stand up vertically.

"Spike?" she wheezed, concern showing as she slowly began a crawl in his direction.

"Stay away from me, Slayer." he growled out as he pointed a finger in her direction. "You and your mates, I don't know what you've done to me. What have you done to Dru? Where is she, you bloody…?"

"Spike," Giles spoke softly. "You’re delusional right now. Think hard. You've been working with us for quite some time now. Drusilla's been away for quite some time. We're all friends. Remember? You went into the hellmouth to retrieve Buffy."

The puzzled look faded away as he pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the couch cushion. It all came back to him in one big, blinding slideshow. Spike shook his head up and down as Giles sat down next to him. Buffy stood on shaky legs, using the corner of the coffee table to aide her and slowly stepped over to the two of them. All of a sudden, he grabbed Giles arm and stood, pulling the watcher up with him. Everyone noticed that he was now hiding behind Giles, using him as a shield from Buffy. An eerie and deathly quiet hovered over the room.

TBC

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

"Spike?" her voice squeaked his name out. He wouldn't even look at her, or the others as a matter-of-fact, but he kept a tight grip on Giles' arm as they all stood silently, wondering what to do, what to say.

Giles held up a finger before anyone uttered a word. "Buffy, why don't you go upstairs and get yourself cleaned up? Willow and Dawn can assist you. Xander, Anya and Meg, could you please prepare us all something to eat?"

Xander nodded and the two girls trailed behind him into the kitchen while Dawn and Willow proceeded to escort Buffy up the stairs to help her along with a shower and to slip into a less pungent and worn attire. Giles heard a muffled whimper escape from her throat, and looked her in the eye, giving her his best reassuring smile. Reluctantly, she let them lead her away.

Once everyone had left the living room, Giles turned to look over the vampire still standing close by but at least not clutching onto him any longer. "Are you alright?"

Spike's head snapped around, bringing him out of his reverie as realization hit him that he wasn't standing there all alone. He took a step back when he noticed how close he actually was to the watcher. Spike cleared his throat and looked down at his feet.

"Yeah, I think so. I feel…different. I'm remembering stuff now. Remembering things that have happened in the past but then there are pieces that seem to be missing. I can feel those pieces missing, like big, gaping holes. Does that make any bloody sense?"

"In a way, I guess. Here, sit, let’s start from the beginning. You know who you are, I assume?" Giles sat down on the couch and faced the vampire who had also sat down.

Spike gave him a discerning look as he slowly shook his head up and down. "Spike, and I'm a vampire. Came to Sunnydale a few years back with Dru, ended up helping Buffy "save the world" from Angelus' wrath." He made quotes in the air.

"I left, took Dru with me, she ended up leaving me and I came back to this God-forsaken town. Had a soddin’ chip shoved in my brain by those wankers, reluctantly helped you gits…sorry, just remembering as I go along…then, there seems to be some things missing here. I mean, I remember helping you all out when I really didn't want to, then as time wore on, not minding it so much. I remember taking care of Dawn, especially after Buffy died. Then she came back and we…became friends? Huh, didn't see that one coming."

"So, you recall that you and Buffy worked together, that you were slaying partners in a sense, became friends, but nothing else about her and yourself?"

"No…just that, I think she tried to kill me. I mean recently…It didn't look like her, didn't sound like her. I remember the pain here mostly," he held his fist over his unbeating heart, "and seeing her standing in front of me. And then black, it all went black. Are you sure…is that really her up there?" Spike looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes, most positive it is. She's been away for a very long time, well, a long time for her and she probably was kept in isolation. Who knows what they did to her. That can do something to a person, to their head. Do you remember exactly how she got there?"

"Wasn't she taken by a demon, took her away, down into the hellmouth? S'all I can dredge up, her being pulled into the hellmouth." Giles could see he was telling the truth by the look in his eyes.

"I see…How do you feel about Buffy…about the slayer?"

"I feel like I'm in the middle of another interrogation again, s'what I feel. What do you mean?" Spike seemed to be getting tense again.

"I mean, what are your feelings towards her? Like, hate, love?"

"She's a friend, I guess I like her. Yet, sometimes I strongly dislike her but that's only when she's being a bitch." Giles softly laughed at his answer. Spike looked back at the staircase.

"You know, since you seem so sure that she really is the slayer up there, I think maybe…I think I should apologize to her…you know, for being so out of it earlier. Huh, I can't believe I just said that. I must be going out of my mind."

"Do you know why you feel so compelled to apologize?" Giles looked on as a sudden realization hit Spike.

"I have a soul," he whispered. "I can feel it now. How?...Why?...I must have been daft to go and do such a thing…and now I remember you helping me, with getting the chip out. The pain was unbearable, that's definitely still vivid in my head. But why would I have gone to get a soul?

"You don't recollect anything about that at all?"

"I went to Africa, found a demon who could grant me what I wanted. I remember wanting to be a man more than a monster. Something happened…I hurt someone…I think I hurt someone and it…it scared me, tore me up inside. Felt like I was being ripped in two. Had to change it, change myself. Couldn't bear to live with what I had done. I just don't know what it was." His voice trailed off.

Giles gently patted him on the shoulder. "I'm not really sure what's going on here with you yet, or with Buffy or how all this stems from what happened in the hellmouth. We'll talk to Buffy and see what she can rake up for us and we will figure it out. Come hell or high water we will figure out why there seems to be holes in your memory."

Spike looked up at the watcher, a bit of fear and anticipation appearing behind his eyes. "Am I really sure I want to find them again?"

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Buffy had remained silent through the whole showering ordeal, even while drying off and dressing. Dawn wished there was something she could do, it was just so good to have her back safe and sound, well, hopefully sound. The odd incident with Spike had her spooked and Buffy wasn't fairing very well from it either. She looked over at Willow, pleading with her to say something to Buffy, or just anything out loud. Willow caught the look.

"Buffy, it is so good to have you back home."

That's all it took as Buffy chose that moment to break down. Silent sobs wracked her body, leaving the two girls bewildered.

"Buffy, what's wrong? Please talk to me and tell me what's wrong?" Dawn begged.

Buffy threw her arms around her sister, crying even harder. "Sorry, I'm so sorry," she gasped out between sobs. Willow stood close by and rubbed her back and her damp hair softly, trying her best to comfort the miserable slayer.

Buffy quickly turned, grabbing Willow's hand and squeezing it. "Spike, what's wrong with him? Did something happen with the spell that brought us back? He's not the same, he didn't want me near him, he acted scared of me. Something's wrong, I need to find out what it is."

"Ok, ok, Buff, a little too slayerly with the hand grip here. We'll find out what happened. We’ll sit down and talk about it, find out what went wrong down there, or up here, whatever the case may be. We'll figure it out, don't you worry your pretty little warrior head about it. And don't cry anymore, please. And don't go all comatose-y on us either. Now, let's get your face washed up so you look somewhat presentable, and let's go get some nummies for that tummy of yours, put some more meat on those bones, then we’ll all discuss the hellmouth happenings, deal?"

Buffy began to wipe her tears away with the back of her hand, nodding simultaneously. "Deal," she whispered.

"I missed you Buffy, We all missed you so much," Dawn tried hard not to break down herself. Her sister looked at her and gave her a weak smile.

"I missed you all, too. I'm happy I'm back home, with my family." She pulled both girls into a group hug. The sniffles were lessening as she washed her face of the remaining tear tracks. "Let's go eat, I'm ravished."

The girls agreed heartily as they stayed on either side of Buffy, supporting her on the way down the stairs. At the bottom, as the living room came into view, she noticed that Spike and Giles were still lingering there, sitting on the couch. Both stood when the three entered. Spike and Giles exchanged a look, as Giles silently told Spike to make his move. The vampire nodded once and made his way around the table.

"Uh, Buffy, about earlier. I'm…sorry…if I upset you. Things were a bit wonky there on the get go. I didn't mean to go off and frighten you…" She didn't let him finish his sentence before she had pulled away from the girls and walked up to him, throwing her arms around his neck and embracing him enthusiastically.

Giles had cleared his throat and made an attempt to step in and stop things from progressing any further, but he noticed that Spike was returning the hug, a bit stiffly, but hugging nevertheless.

"I'm so thrilled you’re alright." Buffy said in a hushed tone. She moved her hands around to cup his face as she pulled back to look into his eyes. Swiftly, she pulled him down to meet her lips, kissing him tenderly yet passionately.

Giles cringed, especially when he noticed Spike become rigid automatically. He watched as the vampire grasped Buffy's forearms and forcefully push her away.

"Slayer, what are you doing?" his voice was raised an octave. He turned and looked at the watcher with astonishment. "What's going on? Why is she doing this, acting this way?"

Buffy looked hurt as she glanced back and forth between the two men, her arms instinctively wrapping around herself.

"Uh, maybe we should all sit, have something to eat and then discuss this predicament." Giles offered.

"Yeah, your bloody well right we need to discuss matters." Spike huffed as he made his way into the kitchen.

Dawn and Willow swooped in to lead the dejected Buffy in as well, Giles sighing and following the others.

Hardly anyone spoke during the meal making the gathering around the dining table a bit on the uncomfortable side. Megan had fixed a mug of blood for Spike, which he took with a sincere smile, but who had also decided he would sit and eat along with the others, enjoying the delicious food that was being served.

Giles cleared his throat when he had finished, causing all to raise their eye levels higher than their plates sitting in front of them. He dabbed each corner of his mouth with the napkin before setting it on the cleaned dish. Everyone else did the same, placing the utensils down to signal supper was over. Meg took the cue and scurried to clean off the table, Anya rising to help, even without being asked for it.

"So, I guess we should make some headway with the problem at hand. First things first, Buffy, can you tell us anything from your ordeal?" Giles wanted to hear his slayer's version of the story before delving in any deeper into Spike’s tale.

"Well," her voice was uncommonly soft as she began. "I'm not really sure how long I was down there…in the hellmouth. Seems like an eternity. An eternity of doing not much of anything. Waiting. Waiting for I didn't know what. Hoping that someone was coming for me. There was no way for me to get out…and believe me, I searched for one. At first they, it, whatever, kept me chained to the wall, only to let me go when I ate. Then I guess they began to trust me more because I wasn't chained up anymore. The demon who brought me my meals kept telling me to eat to keep my strength up. I was to fight someone, fight them for my freedom. Told me I was going to have a visitor, someone I knew."

Buffy turned and looked at Spike, who seemed to be listening to her intently. "I had a strong feeling it was going to be you. I was having dreams, some of them seemed so real, some of them so violent."

She looked back down at her clasped hands sitting on the table. "Just recently, a voice would speak to me, in my head, day and night. It told me all about the plan for Spike to come and rescue me. Told me I would have to fight him, fight him to the end. The only way I would be able to go home was if I killed him."

Buffy looked back up at him, tears pooling in her eyes. "I just want you to know I wasn't going to do that. I had to make it look good though, had to make it seem I was there to fight you to the death. I didn't know how I was going to get us both out alive, but I was going to try anything I could possibly think of. And then I heard you and I heard Willow. Heard you talking to each other, but you wouldn't fight back. I was so scared it was going to kill you. When it came into the room…and then you were in so much pain. Yet you were so brave, so clever, so fast. You got us out of there despite your agony."

"Wait," Giles interrupted. He glanced over at Spike who seemed to be off in his own little world, trying to fit pieces together. "He was in pain right before your transit back?"

Buffy shook her head in confirmation. "Yes, he grabbed his chest and screamed. I heard him yelling at Willow, well, yelling in his head, to get us out of there. He lunged at me, wrapping his arms around me and then a flash of white light before everything went black.

"Do either of you remember what the voice said? Before this all happened?" Giles queried.

Buffy took a chance to glimpse at the vampire seated across from her. His eyes were wide with puzzlement and he shook his head no. "Don't rightly recall any of it. Just that it stopped the fight."

"If I remember correctly," Buffy continued, "it said that we weren't fighting. That his love for me was getting in the way, and that it was going to fix that problem…or something like that. Then Spike grabbed his chest and screamed. And you know the rest."

Buffy looked back up at him, hoping that something would register with him, so he could tell them what was wrong with him. "I don't remember any of that," he whispered. "And I know I don't love you, slayer. Never have."

TBC

**1 written by Lord Byron. **2 written by Algernon Charles Swinburne. Neither one of them mine!!

A/N: Thanks for reading. Really makes me feel good to know that someone is reading and I would really love to hear any of your comments-- let me know how I'm really doing on this story. It would be very much appreciated.

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"What!?" Buffy stood, looking perplexed and slightly annoyed. "How can you say…after all these years? After all you've…that we've..."

"BUFFY!" Giles roared loud enough to make everyone, including Spike, twitch in their seats and turn their attention to him. Buffy, a mask of anger and hurt evident on her face, looked at him incredulously.

"Enough," he crooned more gently, "please, do sit down and let's discuss the matter without anymore outbursts."

She looked away, not at anyone in particular as she pulled her chair back up and sat down. Spike looked displeased and exasperated. The ridiculousness of it all, he thought as he sat there stiffly trying his best not to utter a word while Giles pondered the situation even though he felt like he was being scrutinized under a microscope by everyone in the room. He was evil; well, okay, not so much now, or he wouldn't be sitting there amongst seven human beings, eating pig's blood and beef stroganoff in their company. He knew it and he knew they knew it so no use in trying to be incorrigible anymore. In fact, he could feel the niggling sincerity and affection in his undead and cold heart for every human sitting in the dining room, whether you could call it love or just a strong like. He could really feel it; must be the soul. Bloody thing. That was something else he would have to debate with himself when he was alone. Giles was speaking now, so he cut the conversation off in his head for the time being.

"So, there seems to be something amiss here and we are going to find out what it is or what we can do about this misconception."

"Apparently," he paused for dramatic effect only while holding his hand towards Spike, "Spike has had some readjustments to his thoughts and memories. It could have happened from the spell, but all my bets point towards The First as the miscreant. From what you both have relayed back to me about the final minutes in the hellmouth, I have concluded that The First somehow surreptitiously appropriated Spike's memories of his actual feelings for Buffy in a momentary coup de grace. It was, I believe, trying to vie for the upper hand, attempting to remain in control and reign over the warriors, allowing you to be kept separate from one another in one way or the other. Believing one of you would actually kill the other, thereby making it all the easier for It to take over the Earth. Maybe It knows more about the two of you than you, or we, actually know about the two of you, though I find that highly unlikely, what with all the research and several prophecies pertaining to you both to boot.”

"And for those of us who don't have a pocket dictionary, I'm thinking, huh?" Xander put on his confused face.

"He's saying that…", Buffy's line of sight traveled slowly up so it was resting in Spike's eyes, which looked on at her with heartfelt sorrow and discord. "The First, during our, Spike's and my, battle for dominance, was ticked off because only one of us was making it seem like we were really fighting. That's what It said, ‘it wasn't a fight’. It was angry and decided to up the odds of death by taking something precious away." Buffy began to cry, uncontrollable tears sliding down her cheeks.

"It took his heart, one of his very core aspects, the one that made him love me without a soul," she whispered. She quickly stood and ran from the room, taking the stairs two at a time and slamming her bedroom door shut.

Spike stood abruptly, eyes wide with confusion, debating on whether to follow her. Everyone was staring at him, making him once again feel the culprit in this crazy, messed up circumstance. He couldn't look at any of them, and he didn't think it would really be wise to talk to Buffy just yet. What would he say to her anyway? So he slowly sat back down and looked up at the ceiling clenching his teeth in frustration, trying to regain some composure in front of the masses.

"Well, what now?" he was really asking anybody for an answer. "How do we fix this, cause apparently The First is up to something. We all know it now. Like you said, Giles, it's trying to keep an invisible barrier between two of the strongest warriors in this war; two, if I do recall, that share something that can destroy It and It's plans of tyranny. Well, could, before I lost…I remember the prophecy of the final battle, the apocalypse. Angel and myself, fighting on either side of the slayer. You think it's trying to change the prophecy? Well of course it is, trying to get the advantage like you said, trying to keep control so it has at least a fighting chance to win and take over the world. Should we call Angel in on this, find out if they know anything over there?"

"That might be wise," Giles nodded an affirmation.

"I know, I just can't believe I suggested it. Me, suggesting bringing in Angel, the poufter. Of all things evil." Spike rolled his eyes and huffed.

Xander, who happened to be sitting next to him, slapped him on the back and showed his lovably goofy grin. "Don't worry, blondie, we've all had our share of repulsion of the mousse prince."

He looked around at the others, still smiling, eyebrows raised. "See, see, I can use big words, too."

Spike sighed and interrupted Xander's moment of pride, "I highly believe he uses hair gel and not mousse and what's your point, nimrod?"

He looked at the vampire, brows furrowed this time. "My point being, it will be easier to deal with Angel with all of us having to deal with him. Get it? Besides, it's not like he's going to have to come to Sunnydale for this. Call him up, ask him what's the haps, see if he can maybe shed some light on the matter."

Everyone sat quietly, waiting for a declaration or decision. The phone rang shrilly, cutting the silence in the room in half and finding everyone on edge as they all noticeably jumped at the first ring. Too much tension floating throughout the house.

"I'll get it," Dawn offered as she hurriedly retrieved the ringing phone. A second later, she was hollering for Giles.

As Dawn and Giles exchanged rooms, Spike spoke to the others without the watcher hovering over them.

"So…any thoughts, suggestions from the peanut gallery? I'm at a loss."

"You really don't love Buffy anymore?" Dawn asked him, quietly. "Do you hate her?”

"No, no, bit. Nothing like that. Just not feeling any warm fuzzies, that's all. I…I just don't remember anything, not a blasted thing that dealt with her and me. Do I really want to?" He looked at them expectantly.

Willow blushed a bit. "Well, there may be a few things you don't want to know, or want to remember. We might just selectively keep those certain memories out of the fray for the time being."

"Yeah, like the sex they were having behind everyone's back and he…"

"Anya, really not the greatest of timing with this." Xander reprimanded his girlfriend.

Willow cleared her throat and continued on. "Do you remember, the night before you went into the hellmouth, what I told you? What Tara warned me about?"

Spike tilted his head, thinking hard. "Something about I wouldn't have to die to save Buffy, that I needed to hold onto my soul and…and my…"

His eyes widened as something clicked in his head. "…and my heart. I was supposed to hold onto my heart."

Spike rolled his eyes, falling forward so that his forehead hit the table with a thud. Megan chuckled to herself though her heart was breaking for the vampire. His actions were a cute attempt at being exasperated, a humanesque attribute. She just wanted to hug him and tell him everything would work out.

"God," Spike groaned, "this is absolutely ridiculous." He rolled his head to the side, his cheek resting on the table so that he was now looking at them watching him. He realized he probably looked silly, not anything like the big bad he always made himself out to be. Oh, well, hell if he cared anymore. Apparently they didn't. Apparently there was more about him to make these humans seem genuine in their affections toward him than he really remembered. They seemed to care about him and his feelings; he could see it in all their faces. Maybe a good night's sleep would refresh the past for him and his relationship with all of them.

"I've failed…once again. I'm such a bleeding wanker." he mumbled, making everyone feel even more sorry for him, wanting to help out anyway they could. "God, this soul really sucks, I feel really bad. Buffy shouldn't have to go through this. Especially if she loves…wait a minute." Spike lifted his head up.

"She's never, ever told me she loves me…has she? I mean, from what I can remember she…but then I wouldn't remember if I had those specific memories taken away." He stood, shaking his head, beginning to pace the floor next to the table. He stopped and looked at the group in front of him, who was eyeing him the whole time.

"Has she ever told any of you? That she loves me, I mean," he asked earnestly. Xander, Megan and Anya shook their heads no but Willow and Dawn looked at one another. Spike noticed the exchange instantly.

"Red, Bit? What is it? Has she ever said anything to me or to either one of you? Please?" God, now he was begging but why? It wouldn't change the fact that he wasn't in love with her.

Willow shook her head no as well. "She's never come out and said it, but we've seen things, heard things that make it a strong possibility. I think she was waiting for the right moment. In fact, the night you didn't show up, when she found you at your place beaten up the following morning, she had been happy, excited, told me she was going to talk to you about something serious when you got back. Her exact words were, "It will be monumental for us both." but she never came out and said it to me and I don't know if she ever did to you. I'm sorry."

He sighed and hung his head. "Doesn't really matter, anyway. I don't rightly know where I was going with this in any case."

"Going where with what?" Giles re-entered the dining room.

"Nothing, just trying my best to make excuses. I think I'm going to go to bed, to my cot in the basement. Get some much needed rest and recuperation. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Wait, I have some news I'd like to share with you before you do. That was Mr. Caulfield on the phone, a Watcher over in England. Well, originally he was in Britain. He was calling from New York. He and Mr. Rogers are here in the states, they have about 15 girls with them, potential slayers, who they've rescued. They are keeping low, in hiding right now. They are being hunted, by the hooded figures you and Buffy have dreamed about. They are trying to make their way to Sunnydale, safety in numbers and they need training. The girls are scared. Caulfield told me he will explain more in detail either when they get here or just before. So, be expecting some houseguests soon."

"Great, what else are we expected to have to deal with in the midst of all this clutter and chaos? Never mind, I really don't want to know. 'Night." Spike sauntered off towards the basement, a black cloud hovering over him the whole way.

Giles turned his gaze upon the others. "Well, I'm guessing we better prepare ourselves for these girls. They won't have a place to stay. I will look into bigger accommodations tomorrow, somewhere close-by. I'm sure from what Caulfield told me, there will be more coming. Seems The First has these girls on their hit list I can only assume. I better fill Buffy in on this. Thank you all for supporting and helping with this unseemly predicament. We'll figure something out. We always do, don't we?"

Everyone smiled and nodded in affirmation, giving Giles a deeper reassurance, before he headed up the stairs to speak to Buffy.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Later that evening, Dawn lay sprawled out on her bed on her tummy flipping through pages of a notebook. But it wasn't schoolwork she was pilfering through. No, in fact this particular notebook wasn't even hers, though it was at one time. She stopped on a page for no real reason at all and read, feeling only slightly guilty for doing so.

**1

So, we'll go no more a-roving

So late into the night,

Though the heart be still as loving,

And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,

And the soul wears out the breast,

And the heart must pause to breathe,

And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,

And the day returns too soon,

Yet we'll go no more a-roving

By the light of the moon.

Dawn turned the page and on the other side, she began to read what was written there as well.

**2

Love and Sleep

Lying asleep between the strokes of night

I saw my love lean over my sad bed,

Pale as the duskiest lily's leaf or head,

Smooth-skinned and dark, with bare throat made to bite,

Too wan for blushing and too warm for white,

But perfect-coloured without white or red.

And her lips opened amourously, and said-

I wist not what, saving one word-Delight.

And all her face was honey to my mouth,

And all her body pasture to mine eyes;

The long lithe arms and hotter hands than fire,

The quivering flanks, hair smelling of the south,

The bright light feet, the splendid supple thighs

And glittering eyelids of my soul's desire.

Her face flushed as she swiftly closed the notebook. Okay, now she felt the guilt flooding her. Where did he learn to write stuff like this? She could just about guess he wrote them for Buffy and if he did he wouldn't even remember doing so. So, now what to do with it? That was the golden question.

TBC

A/N: Thanks for reading and I would really love to hear any of your comments let me know how I'm really doing on this story. Thanks a bunch.

Also, poem is part of Lord Byron's 'She Walks in Beauty', and Shakespeare's 'Othello'. The last one I wrote--sucks, I know! ; )

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By the time he could feel the sun peeking over the horizon, he started to drift off. His body, his mind, his soul, could now relax enough to let him catch some z's. He only needed a few hours really, and by the time all was up and bustling around the Summers' house, he would wake as well. Just as long as none of them decided to bloody act out 'The Waltons' and wake up with the rooster's crowing. But if he knew his Bit and even a little of Buffy at all, he knew it would at least be nine or ten a.m. before they stumbled into the kitchen for a morning morsel and cup of joe.

He struggled through the night, forcing himself to remember events, people, places. Most of them were not worth dredging up, of course, especially now that he was burdened with a soul. Those particular ones made him feel dreadful and depressed, and he quickly decided to drive them away from the block as quickly as possible.

Bloody soul. And with that, a bloody conscience. He really wished he could remember what drove him to ask for it back. He contemplated the whole jist of the matter most of the night. His deduction? It must have something to do with Buffy from the lack of insight.

He had to admit, in a way he was glad he had it, now that the chip was no more. In fact, the longer he examined the whole package deal, wasn't so bad. Sitting there on his cot most of the night, he had never felt so warm and secure, even with part of his memories vanquished from his head. He hadn't felt those elements in a very long time. It was always cold and hard after he was turned. These people, the ones who he ran with now, they had accepted him, respected him, cared for him. There was love there; he could feel it bubbling effervescently in the core of his being and it didn't make him feel loathing and disgust.

So, he made up his mind, right before settling down to rest at 5 a.m., just when the birds began their incessant twittering. He would be open-minded about everything, giving himself room to breathe, so to say, and to grow. Buffy was a friend, and yes he could see a possibility of something more. Seems they already had a past together, whether it was bollocked up from the get go or what.

He would have a chat with her, alone, just the two of them and discuss his reasonings and his beliefs. Not wanting to chance a loss of the friendship, he would ask her of the same, making it a point that there could be something deeper to develop further on down the road. Time and space, no pressures. He was sure she would be keen on the 'taking everything slow', what with all they had undoubtedly been through together already.

With this decided, he fell into a restful sleep.

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A knock on her bedroom door pulled her attention away from the flickering computer screen.

"Come in."

"Oh, hi. Where's Willow?" Dawn stood in the doorway, clutching a notebook to her chest.

"She had to run out and get some things. Did you need some help?" Meg nodded towards the pad of paper she carried.

"Oh--no, nothing like that. Summer school has been pretty easy. I'm glad I'm taking the makeup courses now instead of during the regular school year. I think I enjoyed it too much last summer when I actually had to go." she giggled.

"Then, you have a question, something I can relay to Wills when she gets back…or is this something private and personal you just…?"

"Oh, I just…well, I guess I have a slight problem. Something I'm not quite sure what to do about."

"Well, she should be back soon. I'll tell her you’re looking for her and send her scampering your way." Meg smiled at the girl.

"You see," Dawn looked out into the hallway before quietly shutting the door and walking over to sit on the corner of the bed, closest to the witch. Meg turned in her chair, giving Dawn her full attention.

"…when Spike was gone, looking for Buffy, I kinda…well, I sorta found this, down in the basement. It was hard just sitting around and waiting, so I decided to do his laundry for him, so when he got back he would have clean clothes, clean sheets, you know?"

"That seems awfully nice of you to do."

"Well, yeah, but I sort of stumbled across something of his. It fell onto the floor when I took the sheets off the cot. I was going to put it back, honest I was, but I picked it up and kept it. Don't know why, really. I thought I would just look through it, no harm, no foul, just glance through it and then put it back before he made it home. He would never know. Thing is I…I still have it." she shied away from her admittance.

"Oh…I see. That is a dilemma. What is it?"

"I think it's his journal, he wrote things in it, poems and little stories. Stuff mostly about Buffy, I believe. If that's the case, he won't remember it, right? Since he was writing about Buffy? And he doesn't remember how he felt about her."

"True, he probably doesn't remember writing anything in it, doesn't mean he won't remember having it, or where he had put it."

Dawn absently started flipping the pages, glancing over each page as she leafed through them. Meg stood and slid to hover over the girl.

"Should you be doing that, reading that I mean? That's personal stuff in there, his private, personal thoughts and feelings. Doesn't seem right to…oh. Wait, stop on that page. Hmmm." She plopped down on the bed next to Dawn.

"She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes;

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

Lord Byron"

Dawn finished reading the poem and looked up at Megan.

"Wow, that was really beautiful. I remember having to read some of Lord Byron's writings in Lit class last semester. He wrote nice poems. Spike must like him. I still feel bad for reading…"

Just then the bedroom door flew open, causing the two girls to jump up off the bed and gasping, Dawn pulling the notebook around behind her, hiding it from the intruder.

"Hey, having a party and I wasn't invited? You two look as if I stumbled in on some secret club meeting or something. I…didn't, did I?"

They both relaxed instantly, sharing a look between each other.

"Okay, something's up. Do I get to know what's so secrecy and hidey all of a sudden?"

"It's nothing. I told Meg I found this when doing Spike's laundry," Dawn held up the item out from behind her back, almost reluctantly, "down in the basement, kind of under his pillow, on his cot, downstairs, fell on the floor."

"Oh, okay. And is it yours or someone else's? Possibly Spike's perhaps?" Willow admonished slyly.

"Well, yeah, it was mine, before, but I gave it to Spike a while ago. It's his now, yes."

"So," Willow sat down at the desk and slowly took the pad of paper, "you want to know how to go about getting it back without his knowledge of you having it, right?"

"Yes and…no. Meg and I were thinking that he may not even know about it, remember it, I mean. You know since he doesn't have certain Buffy memories. And if you read some of the stuff in there…"

"I'm not going to read any of his…whoa, Shakespeare. That's some…" Willow's eyes widened a bit.

"Read it, read it." Dawn chanted with eagerness.

"I shouldn't…I don't think, oh, alright.

O my fair warrior!

It gives me wonder great as my content

To see you here before me. O my soul's joy!

If after every tempest come such calms,

May the winds blow till they have wakened death!

And let the labouring bark climb hills of seas

Olympus-high, and duck again as low

As hell's from heaven! If it were now to die,

'Twere now to be most happy, for I fear

My soul hath her content so absolute

That not another comfort like to this

Succeeds in unknown fate.

Othello to his love." Willow finished reading and the three of them sat there in silence for a bit. "Shakespeare's good, I enjoy a little Shakespeare. Not too many people get him."

"Yeah, but what do you think? Do you think he was writing that stuff just to write it or…do you think he was thinking of Buffy when he wrote it down?" Dawn asked, her eyes round with wonder.

"Well…could be either really." Meg and Dawn stared at her.

"Okay, okay. It sounds like he was thinking of her, I'll admit it. It's just, well, here, there's another on the back of this page." Willow turned the page slowly, knowing she was looking through something that was sacred to Spike and feeling the guilt swimming around and bouncing off her head. She cleared her throat.

"She's out of my grasp, out of my reach.

She dances in the darkness

Twirling and swirling under the stars

Playing with danger in the face of grace.

Dances in the dark with me,

Yet she belongs to the light,

the blinding yet comforting light.

So far from where I belong.

I am in solitude because

She's out of my reach.

~William E. Winters, III"

"I've never heard of that poet." Megan leaned over to look at the name underneath the poem, written in elegant script.

"No, I don't think you would have. But you know of him." Willow smiled slightly, looking at her girlfriend, eyes sparkling.

"Yeah," Dawn let out a sigh. "Because it's his own. Spike's poem. Or William's, whichever."

"Oh, I see. Now I really feel like we’re trespassing on personal property. What should we do?" Meg asked sincerely.

"Somehow, someway, it should be returned to him. I'll give it to Buffy, see what she thinks. Maybe she can decide what to do with it, or how to return it to him."

"I'll come with you, since I'm the one who took it. That way when she yells, you'll be there to cushion the screams." Dawn groaned slightly as Willow rolled her eyes heavenward.

Willow and Dawn headed down the hallway, stopping in front of Buffy's room and knocked lightly on the door. A faint 'come in' drifted to them from the other side.

Buffy was fully dressed and brushing her hair at her vanity when the girls entered.

"Good morning, Buffy. You look much better today. Sleep well?" Dawn was overly sweet.

"Why yes, dear sister, thank you for asking. Now, what did you do?"

Dawn's mouth dropped open and Willow had to stifle a giggle as she sat on the corner of the bed. She held the notebook up to give to Buffy.

"What's this?" she inquired.

"Dawnie found this, when Spike left to get you in the hellmouth. She was doing laundry and it fell on the floor. It's his; I believe a journal of some sort. Has poems in it, stories and such. Um, they’re mostly about…you, Buffy. In a good way, really. Most of them. We didn't know how to return it to him. We thought that you could come up with an idea, you know, so as not to anger him."

Dawn piped in, "We don't even know if he remembers having it, or writing in it, since you know, they were written for you."

Buffy sat there, book on her lap, looking down at it. "You read some of it?" she looked up at them expectantly. Both nodded.

"And…they were nice things? About me?"

"Buffy, he loved you." Buffy's face betrayed the anguish she was feeling deep inside. "…Oh, I'm sorry. Buffy you know that he loved you, and he can love you again. I just know it. And it can be different, the second time around. Much better for both of you. Buffy, you need to tell him how you feel. Don't keep it all locked up inside. You need to be honest with him." Willow reached over and covered her hands with her own.

"First things first, I need to be honest with myself."

"That's a good first step." Dawn put her two cents in. They all smiled.

"Well, I suppose I will just give it back to him, let him decide what he wants to do with it. Anybody hungry? I hear pancakes calling me."

"Yum, there's a pancake down there with my name on it. Let's go." Dawn jumped and headed for the door as Willow hooked her arm through Buffy's and followed the bubbly teen to the kitchen.

TBC

~*~

As he expected, he awoke to the sounds drifting down to him from the kitchen. Cabinet doors opening and closing, water running, pans, plates, silverware jangled about mixed with a fair amount of twittering and twaddle of the female persuasion brought him out of his deep slumber.

He had been correct in his assumptions as well. The clock above the washer and dryer told him it was a little past 10 in the morning. Not really in the mood to deal with the girls of the household first thing in the morning, especially a certain slayer, he decided to lay there in his cot and wait them out.

A half hour later, the kitchen occupants dispersed throughout the house. The front door had opened and shut several times signaling the departure of the teen of the house, off to school he presumed, and probably the witch and her little sprite as well.

His stomach growled, forcing him out of bed. Spike pulled his jeans on and headed upstairs for his breakfast. Her scent hit him full on when he opened the door to step into the kitchen and why wouldn't it? The slayer was standing stock-still in front of the sink, staring out the back window, hands immersed in soapy dishwater. He knew that she was aware he was there, hearing her clear her throat softly…and was that a sniffle? He watched her back as he walked to the refrigerator, watched her pull her hands out of the water one at a time, wiping the backs of them across her face. 'Is she crying?' he wondered as she sniffed again, cleared her throat once more a bit louder.

He hurried to get the packet of blood out, the mug above the microwave down and poured the contents into the cup to warm up. After placing it in the microwave, he looked over at her form surreptitiously and this time she was turned around, leaning against the sink with arms crossed over her chest and a plastered smile on her lips watching him.

"Good morning, Spike," Buffy softly greeted him. He returned a smile as he nodded back to her, not uttering a word. He heard her sigh when he turned his attention back to the beeping appliance and guilt hit him.

“‘morning, Buffy," he tried to sound casual but it sounded more coarse. He berated himself privately.

When he turned back to the center island, sipping his warm blood, she was now leaning forward against it, hands spread open on either side of a spiral notebook and staring at it instead. He made his way over and sat down to finish his meal. She looked up again with another pained smile fixed on her face and he saw the shiny pools of tears gathering and threatening to overflow. As one did slide down her cheek, she quickly swiped at it, shook her head to clear the others away and chuckled airily.

"Sorry, kind of a rough night's sleep, with the tossing and the turning. You sleep well?"

He stopped in mid gulp. Now he was feeling really guilty. Should he lie to her and tell her no? Which wasn't really all a lie, since it did take him a while to actually get to sleep with all the thought processing and whatnot.

"Um, not too bad once I got to sleep. Thanks for asking." He finished the mug of blood and stood abruptly to move to the sink and rinse it out.

She turned and followed his movements and he knew he must look uncomfortable, because, well he felt uncomfortable.

"Oh, um, Dawnie found this while you were in the hellmouth with me. She picked it up when it fell on the floor downstairs and forgot she had it. She was a little scared to give it back to you."

He turned from the sink and stared at the notebook.

"Is it mine?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you don't remember…yes, it’s yours. She thinks you were keeping a journal so she kept it for you so it wouldn't get lost or fall into the wrong hands." Ok so she was stretching the truth just a wee bit, but he didn't need to know that.

"You wrote in it, some poems…" her voice faltered as she stopped talking.

Spike looked up at her, a look of surprise and horror. "Poems? How did she…did she read it?"

Buffy stood up straight, trying to keep a virtuous look about her. "I'm not sure, I didn't ask her. I wouldn't think she would once she knew it was your personal stuff."

He shook his head in affirmation as he took it from her grasp. "Did you?"

"Did I…what? Read it? No, I did not and how dare you ask me something like that? You really don't know me at all, do you?" The tears were back as her voice turned harsh and bitter.

He quickly absolved. "No, no, I wasn't blaming you or anything. Was just a bloody, stupid question, that's all slayer. No reason to get all emotional over it and, and, hey, where you going? Slayer? Buffy?"

Buffy had pushed the pad of paper to his chest hard enough to make him fall back against the counter and she turned in a huff to exit the room. Tumultuous footsteps could be heard all the way up to the top floor followed by the slamming of a bedroom door. Spike sighed in exasperation.

"Women," he growled.

Spike leafed through the pages of the notebook as he made his way back down to the lower room, only really glancing through them and realizing everything was written in his own handwriting. He was almost afraid to actually read the stuff, which looked to be mostly poems and sonnets of some of his favorite bards. Shakespeare, Byron, Wilde, Keats, Tennyson and countless others.

He would only ever admit to himself that he was an avid reader. In fact, one of his favorite pastimes was reading a good book or some favorite prose. He never did around Dru though nor did he ever write poems; she would bloody well never let him get away with it. It was not a part of the big bad image, too soft and romantic. Funny, he realized he had been reading more these past couple of years than he did when he was with Dru. Ever since…hmm, ever since when? During the summer when Buffy died? Yeah, lil bit would bring home library books for him to read and she would gripe and threaten that she was going to make him go get his own library card. He chuckled to himself.

He stretched out on the cot as he tossed the notebook down on the table at the foot of the bed. He really wanted to sit and talk to Buffy civilly this morning. Things didn't work out as planned. He really wasn't sure why it seemed so difficult to talk to the slayer…well probably because she was the slayer and he was her mortal enemy. Would it really be easy to talk to your mortal enemy?

He sighed again, feeling the boredom and hating all the questions and problems pounding in his head. He rolled so that he was lying on his stomach and head on the opposite end of the cot, scooping up the discarded pad of paper and leafing through it once again.

Love poems; the first few pages were love poems. Ponce! He chided himself. Byron, Swinburne, Shakespeare…Oh, God! He sat up quickly on the edge of the cot, quickly reading the prose on the page.

"She's out of my grasp, out of my reach.

She dances in the darkness

Twirling and swirling under the stars," he read aloud then finished reading it to himself, lips moving with the words. He groaned.

"William E. Winters the third. Dolt. Stupid, bleeding git. Bloody ponce…Wanker. Why did I write this…and when?" he muttered, mostly to himself when it hit him straight on. He slowly lifted his gaze from the self composed words but then quickly looked back down to read part of it over.

"Dances in the dark with me,

Yet she belongs to the light."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed again. "The slayer. I was writing this…all of this for Buffy."

Spike lay back down on his stomach, spreading the book open and skimming through the pages once again, groaning and mumbling every few words. A few of the pages were blank and he was sure he had finally come to the end of it all until he flipped to the very last page. He ended up having to backtrack several pages but he had found something completely different. This time he had written a letter, a letter from him written to Buffy apparently right before he had gone down into the hellmouth to rescue her.

He sat up again, this time leaving the notebook on his pillow. Did he want to read the letter? Did he want to know things that would be better off left unknown? Did he want to read about his true feelings towards the slayer?

"Bloody hell!"

He stood and began to pace, he was getting really good at that. He grabbed his duster, dug into the pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes he bribed Xander to get for him and his lighter. He fumbled with the lighter and realized his hands were shaking. It was lit and he was quickly inhaling, then exhaling a plume of smoke while releasing a sigh as the nicotine soothed his uneasiness. But why was he so nervous? It was just a letter that he had written to the slayer…to Buffy…to the woman he had been so desperately in love with…the girl who he no longer had the same affections for…as of the moment.

He stopped pacing and stared at the book on his bed. Growling, he snuffed out the butt of his cigarette in a can he had been using as a makeshift ashtray, rolled his head until his neck popped, took a couple of cleansing but unneeded breaths and marched over to the cot, swiping the notebook up and beginning to read the words he had written as he plopped back down onto his bed.

~~~My Dearest Buffy Love,

I'm generally capable of putting words down on paper, but today must be an off day. I should know the reason why but find it hard to admit to myself. These mixed feelings inside me, ones I can't allow to surface for fear of the others seeing them. And I really don't want to come up with an explanation if lil bit or Red asks me if I'm feeling alright. Because I'm really not---feeling alright that is.

I miss you, something terrible. I feel like I'm missing a vital part of my being and I'm to blame for it all. I despise myself, hate what I have done, for being so weak when I'm supposedly so strong. But I'm nothing now, not without you here. You are the one thing in my miserable existence that even means a thing to me. Okay so yes that may be a bit of a fabrication because I care about the others now but you made me become more caring, more sympathetic to these humans who are a part of our lives. You believed in me, trusted me and I failed you.

Now I have a chance to bring you home. I don't know what to expect when I get there, I don't know what to expect when I first see you. Buffy, I'm frightened, terrified that you will hate me and you have every right to do so. The thing is I know I won't be able to withstand your hate, to bear your indifference, to live without your passion that I have always seen burning behind those beautiful verdant eyes whenever we locked gazes. I always believed that fire burned for me. I didn't need to hear you tell me your feelings, I could see them deep within your soul and told myself every time that I was the only one who could see them.

I have a niggling feeling only one of us will be coming back to Sunnyhell and the general consensus points to only you returning home. The witches and the watcher are working on a way to get us both back safely but I think I will end up being the bargaining tool to get you out of there. I'm slowly coming to grips with this possible outcome. I've told you before that I always knew I would go down fighting. And I would give my life for you to live. And I want you to do just that, Buffy. Live for me.

Now there is something I need to tell you. The chip has been removed. It needed to be, as Giles discovered. Apparently The First was using me through the piece of hardware in my brain. Still, though, I should have been able to overcome their manipulations, been able to keep my free will and kick their collective asses. Alas I was inept, you were hurt in the whole ordeal, and your family and friends suffered the consequences of my weakness. Since the chip has been extracted, I just want you to know I have been fine. No reoccurring evil contemplations, no sinister big bads trying to weasel their way into this noggin, only thoughts of your beautiful face and my true emotions of you fill the void where the chip had been.

So, I have come to the part I've intentionally left til the last. Think of this as my last will and testament. Now I don't want to hear a word, just read. Whatever I have at my place, really isn't much, I want you to take. In the cupboard in the bathroom, very top shelf is a can of shaving cream. The thing is it's not real; the bottom of it is false and twists off. Inside is all the money I have. Give Willy 100 of it for the utilities and let him know it’s free for him to rent again. Then you keep the rest, put it away to save, do with it what you want. I don't care.

In the closet in the bedroom I have a trunk with weapons in it. Those are for you as well, luv. There is a music box that was my mother's. Please give it to Dawnie but the velvet bag inside is for you. Something I've been keeping for a very long time, waiting for the right moment to give it to you. It was my mum's as well. There are a couple of books in there, give them to the watcher. He'll get some good use out of them, I'm sure. The other things, stuff you don't want, let the witches, the whelp and demon girl sift through it.

That's it in a nutshell, luv. All I ask now is that you don't hate me forever and keep me in your memories. I'll try my best to keep watching your back my love. Always and forever, I love you with all that I am.

Spike~~~

He sat there staring at the page in front of him for a long time. He slowly closed the cover of the notebook and carefully laid it on top of the table at the foot of the cot. With his hands clasped in front of him, head hanging down, thoughts and ideas bounced around inside his head.

He came to the realization that he had been totally and hopelessly in love with a woman who had once been his enemy. Amazing. How did it happen? What had transpired between them to allow such feelings to grow and take root? He wanted to remember. He wanted to know how, when, where, and why. Bleeding memory, bloody wankers who took away that love, something he wouldn't mind feeling again at the moment. He assumed it had been something rare and remarkable; something he was sure he had never felt during his whole lifetime. Would he ever feel it again?

He stood quickly and ran his hand through his hair, his mind made up. He was going to apologize to Buffy for his earlier behavior that morning and hopefully form another truce again. Tell her he wanted to be friends and begin building onto that friendship. Hopefully she wasn't pigheaded enough to turn that down. Hopefully.

TBC

A/N Kind of a slow chapter but I needed him to read about what he had felt for the slayer before he lost it all.

~*~

Buffy was alone again. She was upset, mad, thoroughly pissed but most of all worried and she was showing her weakness. The fear crept under and in. Agitated, irritated, aggravated and any other words she couldn't think of that ended in -ated. She wanted to hurt something, wanted to break something and she hurt. Why did it keep hurting so much?

Buffy paced the floor of her room, to the window, and back, around the side of her bed and back around. Brows creased, lines forming on her forehead, gnawing on her thumbnail. She didn't even realize she was chewing on her nail until she tasted the coppery flow of blood on the tip of her tongue. She grimaced.

She needed to get out of there. Out of her room, out of her house, away from him. Go out and do something to get her mind off of personal things she rather not think about any longer. Grabbing her coat, she flew out of her room and down the stairs pausing at the entryway to listen. Not hearing a thing, she then headed out to no where in particular.

Spike heard the front door slam shut just as he was making his way up from the basement. He had a feeling it had been Buffy that left so rapidly but he continued through the kitchen, down the hallway and up the steps to her bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and even though he knew he was the only one in the house, still rapped on the door twice before pushing it open slowly and looking around.

It felt wrong to him, being in her sanctuary with all her Buffy things, and her Buffy scent exploding all around him. He casually strolled around the room looking at the various pictures and pretties on the walls, the knickknacks adorning the shelves and tables. Stopped at her vanity and noticed the pad of stationery embellished with ornate flowers, pretty things, something he never really pictured the slayer having. But, and he was willing to admit to this, he wouldn't mind knowing what other things she liked.

Plopping himself down in the chair, he picked up the pad while he grabbed a pencil out of a cup, tore a piece of paper off just as he looked up and noticed the floating pencil in the mirror. A minute passed as he entertained himself with the object that seemingly hovered in thin air, then remembered the reason why he was there.

Quickly he scribbled a message out before putting everything back in its place, and prior to standing and walking over to her bed. He looked at the notebook he held in his hand for a moment before leaning it against her pillows. Spike propped the note he had written against the pad of paper and left in a hurry before he gave himself any more chances to change his mind. He rushed down the steps and back down into the basement crashing on the cot, arms crossed across his chest before rolling over and falling into a restful slumber.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

He woke with a start. "No, don't leave!" he heard himself gasp out loud.

Spike found himself staring at a cement wall, head slightly lifted off his pillow and breathing in short puffs. It took a few seconds to realize where he was and a second or two after that to notice he wasn't alone. His perceptive ability told him right away she was there; the slayer.

He rolled over on his back and turned his head to scan the room, not really needing to look very far because she was sitting on the bottom step not much farther than ten feet from the cot. Buffy was sitting and watching him, staring at him with round eyes, grasping the edges of the concrete step, leaning forward and not looking relaxed at all. He thought maybe he had caught her off guard, his waking so suddenly.

Spike rolled up to a sitting position, himself on the edge of the cot, trying his best to relax. Bugger. It wasn't working. He really needed a cigarette right about now. That's when he noticed the notebook sitting in her lap. Bloody Hell! He anticipated more time before she came along to harangue him about the bloody stupid thing. Knew he should have just kept it to himself all along. But deep down, he was ready to make amends, to make peace, to turn a new leaf, make a fresh start and all those other clichés floating around in his head.

He smiled at her hoping to break the insufferable tension mounting between his shoulder blades and spreading to the base of his neck. His eyes softened, composed himself under her stare hoping she would follow suit and reassure him that he didn't do something utterly ignorant by placing his past heartfelt sentiments in her soft but deadly hands. He deemed himself a fool at first and found it hard to form any discernible words or sentences.

"So, what's a girl like you doing around these parts, Slayer? I mean…Buffy?" Stupid git, that sounded too much like a pick up line some wanker would use at a bar or something.

He sighed and rolled his eyes at himself. And then he heard it. A soft giggle that grew louder as it rolled from her chest. Spike looked up cautiously finding Buffy clutching the pad of paper to her chest, looking more carefree, eyes shining with mirth. Sitting there, with his head cocked slightly to the side, his usual perusal of humans, a smirk forming on his lips as he wondered what broke the ice.

"You going to share?" he asked honestly as her laughter ceased but still danced behind her eyes.

**^**

Earlier in the afternoon, Buffy entered the house at 1630 Revello Drive feeling even emptier than when she had left that morning. Trudging up the stairs, she entered her safe haven just to throw herself across the bed and cry to her heart's content. Something cool dropping onto her arm caught her attention and made her raise her head up out of curiosity. Spike's journal, the very same notebook she had only hours ago returned back to him. Why was it in her bedroom on her bed?

She lifted it up as she turned to sit and a piece of paper fluttered onto her lap. Stationery from her desk with his handwriting on it. She wiped the tears from her eyes, too hard to read when the words were watery and blurry.

~Slayer, (she laughed because he had crossed it out and next to it wrote) Buffy,

My apologies for being such an ass this morning. Comes with the whole evil package whether there's a soul there or not. But it was unacceptable conduct on my part and I should have taken into account your feelings and what you must be going through, though for the life of me I can't figure out what you would see in a wanker such as myself. Why don't you tell me sometime? I'd like that, I think.

I'm going off on a tangent now, sometimes I do that. But you probably are already familiar with that part of me.

I wanted to give this to you. I thought you would like to know how I really regarded you before all this mess transpired. Please don't be sad anymore on my behalf. I'm a fool. After reading through this supposed journal in its entirety, I felt, well, many things. Happy, whole, free and a promising outlook of future possibilities. I think I'd like to feel that way all the time.

I'm afraid I can't give you anymore than just this to go on. Something to build on. I sincerely would like to get to know you better. I'm positive there's more to you than what I remember from our brief and intense encounters in the past. You think about it—then let me know.

Spike~

After reading the spectacular note, Buffy whooped for joy inwardly as she began the examination of Spike's most intimate and personal writings about herself and about them. Hours later, she felt a renewed sense of optimism and encouragement. It was courage that lifted her up and out, down the stairs and through the house to descend the steps where her once-upon-a-time adversary, soon to be hopefully once again confidante and companion, lay soundly sleeping.

She didn't want to wake him just yet, but instead pulled up a chair and waited for the souled vampire to rouse from his daytime nap. This is where he found her, looked upon her when he suddenly and unexpectantly woke from a dream or maybe a nightmare, or daymare. Her body tensed up and she felt the urge to run, but he turned and gazed at her with those clear sky-blue eyes, no sign of animosity, apprehension, or abomination could be detected in them.

As he sat up, a fleeting moment of doubt passed over his features and Buffy was ready to bolt back up the stairs and into her refuge, but his look softened and he smiled. He actually smiled at her. Then he spoke, and it took a while for her to process what he had said before she began to chuckle.

How bizarre was all of this, after so many years of familiarizing, all the fighting, hating, loving, saving and he sounded so nervous and why did it sound like he was trying to come on to her? She caught his reaction to his absurd words and wanted to run to him and tell him not to worry that his brain couldn't properly function and form dignified words. He asked a question, he wanted to talk or though it seemed like that to her.

"It's just…funny. We've known each other for over five or six years, mentally, physically, yet now whenever we’re in the same room together, the uptighty-ness is so thick you could cut it with a knife. That is until you just tried to use a pickup line on me."

"Oh," he rubbed the back of his neck while ducking his head, starting to look uncomfortable again. "You caught that, did you?"

"It's ok, really. Don't worry about it. I thought it was cleverly witty."

"Oh, well, then, good." Spike pushed himself back on the cot til his back touched the cold concrete and felt all the pressure drain out. He nodded towards the item she clutched in her arms.

"I see you found it. Did you…?" His eyes shot up to look into hers, questioning.

Buffy nodded. "Yes, I did. From beginning to end," she peered down at the object lying in her lap again before raising her eyes back up to his.

"Thank you…for sharing. Means a lot to me and I forgive your brashness this morning if and only if you forgive me for…being such a hormonal bitch lately.

"I'm thinking I’m probably used to that side of you, therefore you’re always forgiven for your bitchiness." He smiled again as they both shared a chuckle.

"Slayer…um, Buffy? I think that maybe…that we should…probably. Gah, I can be so daft at times. It's just that occasionally, before, before I was turned, I always had trouble speaking properly to girls, young ladies. And, well, especially ones I liked and you would think after 120 years I would be capable of speaking without getting tongue-tied and flustered. I sometimes can come across as asinine, cruel and callous; that's my mouth working before my brain can interrupt it."

"Oh, like I don't know that one already. Believe me, Spike, I know what you're like and I lo…uuuuhh, like you still. Sometimes I want to pummel you into next week, but I swallow my fury down, focus on all the good stuff and just tell myself it's all part and parcel to the whole package, the good and the bad. It doesn't take very long to convince myself that you're just fine." Buffy gave him a sugary yet alluring smile which he caught instantly.

He had a distinct feeling he was really going to like this girl. Very much so.

"I just thought…was thinking that we could possibly patrol tonight…together? And then, maybe go somewhere to…talk…together, you and me? Not much privacy in this ridiculous habitat you call home." Spike shut his eyes tightly as he sighed and rolled his head back.

"See, there I go again. Open mouth, insert foot. Your home is not ridiculous, I just meant the lack of privacy is…ridiculous." He looked at the slayer hopeful, wondering if she would ever speak to him again.

Buffy laughed, a beautiful, melodious sound that he rarely ever heard. "I understood. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Believe me, you'll get an earful if I never fully grasp onto your speech patterns. Really that's not true, but I may question you if you leave me guessing at what in the hell you are trying to say."

"Fair. I'll try not to over express myself on a daily basis. And possibly think before I open my big mouth."

"And what a lovely mouth it is," she softly exclaimed. "One I miss very much. I mean, talking, yeah, would be of the good." Buffy tried her best to cover up her traitorous thoughts.

Buffy stood quickly. "Um, I…gotta get upstairs, fix some supper."

Before heading up the stairs, she turned back towards him.

"Patrolling tonight then…conversation afterwards? Sounds…nice. And please, join us for supper. I insist. Dawnie would like your company…I would, too."

She ran up the flight of stairs feeling a blush creep across her cheeks as she left Spike to digest their recent conversation. Which he did so in absolute wonderment. It may be much easier to let his guard down around the slayer than what he thought, and just as easy to fall very hard for her. So what was he so worried about?

TBC

~*~

Supper went smoothly, if smoothly meant having to put up with the bubbly teen whose eyes bore into you trying to read your very mind. He had a sneaking suspicion that the bit knew something was up even though he and Buffy had decided mutually not to tell anyone that they were…what were they doing exactly? They weren't dating, not even close. Keeping company? Close enough.

Maybe there was something more apparent to others looking in from the outside. Could it be the possible lack of crying from the slayer, or the angry, hateful looks from both of them or the screaming and yelling back and forth as well as the decrease in anxiety and rigid posturing around one another? A likelihood now that things were a bit more tame around the Summers' home since before. Well it never really was tame around chez la Summers at all but that's what made it all interesting and kept them on their toes day after day.

Now, as Buffy walked up in front of him slightly, she tried her best to suppress a fit of giggles over Dawnie's demeanor and final salutations as they began to leave the house. Spike growled as he caught up with the slayer, trying to catch a glimpse of her face but she wouldn't look at him.

"Don't keep her out too late and have fun on your---"patrolling"! she says," Spike did his best nibblet impression, high voice and all.

Too much. Buffy burst out laughing and had to stop and bend over to catch her breath, tears of delight forming in her eyes. Spike had turned to face her, arms crossed defiantly across his chest and shaking his head. Buffy stood, the laughter subsiding when she noticed he wasn't joining in. She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Sorry, my sister seems to be all knowing sometimes. I swear I didn't tell her a thing. And really what is there to tell? We're just going out to patrol and talk, right?"

Spike smiled, and Buffy glared at him. "C'mon slayer. We've got "patrolling" to do." He made air quotes around the word patrolling to show her he was bemused by the whole parody. "Let's see what happens in Act II, shall we?"

**^**

An hour into their patrol, only a handful of vampires had wagered a confrontation with the duo and that handful now appeared as dust cluttering the cemetery grounds.

"Well, pet, looks like a slow night. Not much to get the adrenaline pumping, eh?"

"You know, I always knew you had a big mouth," she shook her head.

He looked at her with mock hurt as she pointed behind him. He followed her finger and his eyes settled on a cluster of vamps that had apparently just came from a bar or had raided a kegger by their inebriated state and slurred words. Spike turned to crash the party just as Buffy grasped his forearm and pulled him back.

"Uh-uh. Got this one under control since you had to go and open your mouth to jinks us." Buffy marched towards the gang of unsuspecting bloodsuckers who began to hoot and holler, cajoling the slayer to do her worst.

"What?...I didn't. Well, whatever. Give a holler if you need my help then, pet. I'll just be right over here watching." Spike leaned up against a headstone, pulled a cigarette out and lit it as he watched the fearless gait of the slayer moving towards the band of buggered.

In a blink of an eye, two of the cretins were blowing in the wind not knowing what had hit them. 'Where in bloody hell did she pull that stake out from?', Spike mused, cigarette dangling from his open mouth precariously. So agile, so swift, hands and feet were flying through the air. Four against one didn't seem like much of a fair fight if you were any normal person. But this exquisite embodiment of a warrior in stylish girl's clothing was anything but run-of-the-mill.

Spike was astounded; amazed that he had never taken the time to really appreciate her fighting abilities. Oh he had watched her fight before plenty of times, knew she was resourceful, fast and clever. But this was all in all something completely different. An appreciation, a high level of admiration was coursing through his mind.

He was lost in his reverie of Buffy when he noticed she was struggling, she was in trouble. The last two remaining had her in their clutches and they tossed her down to the ground like she was garbage. He saw her head bounce off a grave marker and swift as lightning he was up and running but froze suddenly when she flipped herself back up, and stood her ground, ready and waiting for them to charge her. Stupid gits, if they knew any better they'd take off running with their tails between their legs. Ah well, guess they didn't know much.

As they charged her, she took a couple of steps towards them, and with precision, flipped up and around, her legs knocking them simultaneously on their chests. She finished the trapeze act, landing on her feet as the vampires flew through the air incapacitated and flat on their backs but if only momentarily. Enough time for her to pounce, withdrawing a second stake from heaven knows where and piercing there cold hearts.

Buffy stood and brushed herself off, sneezing as the remnants of vampire dust blew off her clothes.

"Now that was a spectacle, a pure phenomenon. Amazing, luv. You, if I had any, take my breath away." Spike stood there in complete awe of this slayer.

Buffy beamed, blushed then proudly curtsied to her audience. She began to wave her hand in the air as if she had been crowned Miss America.

"Thank you, thank you, I'd like to thank the academy for this wonderful award for kicking some demon ass. Without…"

"Oh, shut your gob and let's get out of here before your head explodes. And I thought I was vain and pretentious." Spike placed his hand over his heart. "I taught you well, grasshopper."

Buffy rolled her eyes and then smiled her biggest smile. "Please," she said sarcastically. She motioned for him to follow her out of the cemetery.

"Yes, let's do get out of here before any other filthy or drunken demons figure they want to play."

They walked side by side down the street until they came to Weatherly Park and Buffy veered off their path as she headed towards a picnic table close to the playground. Spike followed suit, knowing she must be ready to sit and talk, either that or a need to rest after the tumultuous battle she had endured all on her own.

As he approached the table, he noticed she had sprawled herself out across the top of it, arms dangling over the sides. Must be tired, need rejuvenated. He chuckled at the display.

"Exhausted, pet?" Spike straddled the seat closest to her head as he glanced up at the night sky to stare at the twinkling stars.

"Mmhmm, sorry. It did wear me out a bit, need to revitalize my poor, sore, aching body. And my head hurts."

"Well, it should, took quite a hit on one of those headstones. You alright?" she heard worry creep into his voice and liked it. She smiled as she pondered the turn of events recently that day. The gift of his journal, the nice bit of conversation in the basement, his expressions of admiration after her slayage in the cemetery and now a hint of worry. She drank it all in and wrapped her arms around it, feeling more and more confident of things to come between them.

She sat up quickly and swung her legs around towards him, one gliding over his head causing him to duck. He basically was now sitting in between her legs looking at her in complete surprise.

"Fine and dandy," she softly knocked on the side of her head. "Takes a lot to injure this thing. Hard as a rock."

Spike smirked. " Believe me, hard headed, this I remember."

Buffy giggled softly as he returned a chuckle, shaking his head and looking anywhere but at her so close to him that he could feel the warmth flowing off of her. She positively wanted to kiss him right then, her mind playing a tug of war with her heart at that very moment. Damn, the heart won out and it was racing at top speed. He must have noticed because he looked back up at her surprised as she leaned forward.

"I really want…can I…," her voice dropped suddenly and seductively she finished, "kiss you?"

Great, her impatience was on the loose as well because she didn't even give the poor guy a chance to answer before grasping his face in her warm hands and capturing his cool mouth with hers. He tensed for a mere second or two, one hand resting on the top of her shoe, the other wrapped around her ankle tightly before finally relaxing as his body, mind and soul melted into an oblivion. He didn't want to think, just wanted the act of passion and intimacy with this woman he had grown to care for, feel for in only one day, flow through him and carry him along the path of light and goodness. And that's what he felt as his lips burned and tingled, his insides fluttered; the goodness enveloping him and pulling him along. His soul sang. What a joyous and wonderful feeling.

Buffy disengaged her lips from his, but placed instead her forehead onto his, eyes tightly closed while her breathing slowed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered with a hint of fright lingering on her words. "Just needed…been too long. And you were here and I was…"

Buffy pulled back completely losing all contact. "…too needy and too fast. I'm so very sorry."

He could hear the grief in her voice as she maneuvered herself around him and away.

"Wait…Buffy!?" Spike stood and reached out to grasp her retreating form. Buffy froze as his fingers wrapped around her wrist; she didn't want to turn around and show him the weakness behind her eyes. Did not want him to see her vulnerable and lost. She felt so lost without him. She took a deep breath before spinning to face him.

"Look, don't worry about that little thing back there," Buffy waved her free hand behind his head. "Just me and my stupid…"

Spike placed his finger over her lips to halt her ramblings. "Shhhh. You talk too much, slayer. Never letting a bloke get a word in edgewise. Just blathering on and on until my ears bleed."

"Spike!?" Buffy huffed as she tilted her head to the side.

"It's just that…it's alright, luv. No problems here what-so-ever, nope, none at all. In fact, it was…nice. No, no, really, really nice," he finished in a sultry, sensual voice as he bent his legs to look her straight in the eye.

Buffy's eyes twinkled as he established an anchor onto her apprehensions and pulled her in, protecting and holding. She felt relief flood over her and knew he was there to stay and things were going to work out for them in the long run. She threw her arms around his neck and held onto him tightly.

"I promise I will keep the affections to a minimum until we’re both comfortable with one another once again." she whispered into his ear. "I can do slow. No more throwing myself at you desperately."

Spike chuckled softly. "I kinda like the slayer propelled in my general direction sometimes. I can handle it. But I do think we need to have our talk, Buffy."

She pulled back and looked up at her potential boyfriend. "Sure, we did say patrolling and conversation. So, let's converse. Um, I'm starving though. That tussle took a lot out of me. Wanna Bronze with me? If it's too noisy or over crowded we can leave and find somewhere else."

"Sounds good. I could go for some wings and a beer right bout now. Watching you scuffle around with those vamps made me hungry as well." He offered a smile to lighten the mood even more.

"To the Bronze we go then."

TBC

~*~

Surprisingly, The Bronze wasn't jumping this evening even if it was the weekend and only 10 at night. In fact, Buffy had noticed even before she took her mini hellmouth vacation and over the past few days since her return that the population of Sunnydale had declined dramatically. Not as many humans, not as many demons. Someone must have had their ear to the ground which in turn word had gotten around to others to either flee or face what may be coming.

All in all, the uncrowdy-ness of the place was perfect in Buffy's eyes and secretly in Spike's as well. Anything was better with less annoying humans to have to deal with, bumbling around, being loud and just plain, outright nuisances. Besides, he was planning on concentrating on just one human at the moment and she was standing at the bar in front of him ordering wings, nachos and drinks for the two of them. Spike scanned the place for a good table as they waited for their drinks and when she turned to hand him the beer, sliding her arm into his, he led her to one he had picked out.

No live band at The Bronze, but a DJ was spinning tunes out on the stage. A few couples were out on the dance floor getting their groove on and others were either playing pool, darts or sitting around.

"So, I guess we should get chatty, then? Anything in particular you want to talk about? Anything else besides us and our past?"

Spike looked up at her and grinned slightly. "How are you doing tonight?"

Buffy giggled softly. "I'm fine, and you?"

"Very well, thanks for asking." he chuckled too.

"Why do we sound so nervous? What do we have to be so nervous about?" Buffy enquired of him.

He shrugged his shoulders and looked at the waitress walking towards them with their food. When she left, Spike looked over at Buffy.

"I think I'm uneasy because I don't rightly know if I seriously want to hear about us…the before us." Buffy shook her head with understanding.

"I don't really blame you all that much. When I came back from the dead variety, well, things didn't turn out very nice. I mean, it was nice in the sense of good feeling nice but it wasn't nicey nice as in the nice to one another nice. Hmm, did that make any sense?" She scrunched her nose up as she tilted her head to the side.

Spike smiled at the girl, no, the woman who sat across from him. "Nicely put. Umm, how many times did you actually use that word in that descriptive analogy of yours?"

Buffy threw her napkin and watched it bounce off of his nose. Spike looked up at her in mock surprise. Hey, at least it wasn't a fist bouncing off this time. The couple burst out in a fit of laughs, releasing the uneasiness as they became comfortable with one another once again.

"Ok, agree we both need to stop being so uptight with each other?" Buffy asked him honestly.

Spike nodded in reply. "So tell me one thing, slayer, when did we become friends?"

Buffy stared off onto the dance floor, as if she was deep in thought looking back over their tumultuous relationship. "Hmm, kind of a hard question to start with. Mutually, probably when you risked yourself to keep Dawn's secret identity from the hell god. Even though you wouldn't have known it."

"Glory, I remember that, the bitch torturing me, trying to get out of me who the key was. Remember clearly. We became friends then?"

"I guess, in a way. I was thankful for what you did. Do you remember the Buffybot?"

Spike gnawed on a chicken wing, when he choked on a bite and looked at her incredulously. "Can't rightly say I do. What in bloody hell was it?"

"Think about it; Buffy + bot = a robot that you had specially built that looked like me."

"Annnndd…why would I have done that exactly?"

"Umm, I suppose you had your reasons. Probably cause…you couldn't have me in the way you could the robot."

"Have you? Oh!...ohhhhh, I…see, I think. Really? Unbelievable. Well, I've been known to do some outrageously stupid things in my past. Sorry 'bout that, pet.

"S'ok, I dealt with it. Pretty funny now that I look back on it. And thankfully you did have her made, cause she helped out the summer I was…"away"."

"Well, good then. So how did we go from that to, you know, the other thing?" Spike leaned over and snatched a thoroughly cheese covered nacho with a jalapeno slice on top of it off of her barely touched pile.

Buffy reached out quickly and slapped his hand lightly causing the pepper to flop off onto the table. "Oops. Well, when I came back, I went to you. You seemed to be the only one I could talk to at the time."

He quickly stuffed the nacho in his mouth before she tried to take it away yet she picked up the pepper instead and held her finger up with the precariously placed slice of jalapeno on her forefinger to his mouth. Unaware of what she was doing, Buffy continued talking.

"The talking turned into kissing, the kissing turned into bringing the house down, literally, and turned into a "thing"."

Spike gazed up at her through his lashes before he seductively took the tip of her spicy finger into his cool, moist mouth. He heard the slight gasp and she quickly pulled it back to delve into her nachos again. He sighed then he heard her snicker.

"You were always good at that." Buffy looked at him adoringly. His eyes softened when he realized she was okay with his display of playfulness.

"And what may "that" be, pet?"

"Always getting me flustered. Hot and bothered with your wicked, evil ways." Buffy waved her hand in the air in front of him and gave him an irresistible smile. He smirked at her and looked down at the table shying away from her alluring gaze and tantalizing voice.

"Heh, heh, I guess that's one of those bonus character traits I've improved on?"

"There's room there left for improvement!" she joked and continued to smile.

"Thanks ever so, Buffy dear."

"Yeah, but it's only one of the things out of a vast many that I love about you." Spike's head shot up, "…oh. I mean…This is nice, here, together, talking. I like it. We should do this more often when we’re not out battling demons or waiting for the next apocalypse to descend upon us." She recovered.

Silence prevailed as they sat across from each other.

"Do you? Really? Honestly, do you actually…love me?" Spike strangled on the last two words.

Buffy shook her head up and down slowly. "Mhmm, I do, actually, yes. I know positively now that I do love you, Spike. I have for a while now and never got the chance to tell you to your face. Oh, I suppose you knew, but I was stupid and blind. I'm glad I can at least tell you now. Even though you don't…"

"Buffy," Spike's voice was unusually soft, "I can very easily fall. In fact I…" He stopped and looked at her earnestly.

Spike placed his hand over his unbeating heart. "This, right now, feels so different than what I have felt at any other time, dead or alive. Yet it feels so right. I know what I had with Dru; truthfully, I would have died for her, killed for her, protected her, kept charge of her. All these things I feel deep down that I would do for you. I loved her, this I know, but it never ran deep enough to burn me, to make me feel alive. In two days, only two, I have felt like a different man because of you and yeah I said man.” He smirked slightly before continuing. “ I feel like I've known you a lifetime and I never want to ever let this feeling go, never, never let you go again. You amaze me, astound me, entice me, mesmerize and captivate me. The words I penned, I must’ve known what I was talking about, describing you, us, what we had, what we could have. And I want to know that again, want to feel that all the time. I realize we had a rough go at it the first time around pre-soul and post-soul because of The First, but would it be all right if we put that in the past and keep it there?"

Buffy, tears forming in her eyes, shook her head in an affirmative answer. "I would really like that, to begin again. A new beginning for us. I think it will be of the good."

Buffy picked up another jalapeno slice off her plate and offered it to him, candidly flirting with him this time. "Can we seal this deal?"

Spike chuckled breathlessly as he eyed her flirtatiously, the tip of his tongue poking between his teeth. He once again sucked the hot pepper off her extended digit, keeping a firm grasp on her hand as he pulled her over into the seat closest to him.

"The past is in the end now and the future is our beginning," Spike slid his free hand up along Buffy's cheek caressing, brushing his thumb across it tenderly as he leaned in closer.

"It's a deal," he whispered as their lips met, first gently touching before pulling back slightly.

Buffy placed her free hand over his resting on her face and whispered back, "Deal."

They proceeded, the kiss deepening, both oblivious to the other patrons wandering to and fro, the pulsating rhythm from the music floating through the stale air, vibrating off the walls. Buffy felt her heart throbbing, her pulse quickening. Tongues touched almost shyly at first, the pair simultaneously allowing the other to explore, pulling each other closer, wanting, giving, taking. This was something she had needed, had wanted for such a long time. She was starting to feel whole once again, and it felt nice. She was positive he felt it, too.

Buffy was the first to pull back and only because of the lack of air her body so desperately needed. They looked at each other, into each other, eyes conveying everything, every feeling, every word. He telling her he was so very sure of them, of this, sure of letting her in, sure of loving her.

"I…I love you, Buffy." He barely whispered and he saw her compassion, her devotion, her commitment behind the depths of her celadon gaze. It drew him in, surrounded him, enveloped him and comforted him, a never ending feeling. It felt like forever and he was happy with it. Actually more than happy, he was exhilarated, intoxicated, and ecstatic all at the same moment. Feelings he was sure no other vampire on the face of this earth had ever really felt. Buffy smiled and his heart melted.

"I love you, too. Can we…" she motioned towards the dance floor with her head, "dance? We've never really danced, the real kind of dancing."

Spike laughed. "Buffy, all we've ever done is danced."

She gasped. "You remember saying that to me?"

He cocked his head to the side, in deep thought for a second or two. "For some odd reason, yeah, I do remember saying it. But I think we were fighting, so no, not the real kind of dancing."

He stood, pulling her up to lean against him, placing a chaste kiss on top of her hand.

"Let's dance then."

Spike escorted Buffy to the dance floor, a slow melody playing in the background as he wrapped his arm around her waist, the other hand folded over hers. She found herself delighting in his Victorian gentlemanly approach to dancing with a lady, even though slowly, he enticingly pulled her closer with each step til their bodies melded together, hummed in harmony with the song.

She found herself absently twirling the curls at the nape of his neck around her fingers, an action he found most pleasant and comforting. He nuzzled the area above and in front of her ear, sending tingles of joy coursing through her. The song ended but they continued to sway back and forth.

Buffy stood on tiptoe and whispered into his ear, "Let's go home and talk some more."

Spike pulled back a bit and looked at her, smirk showing. "That's what you want to do? Talk?"

"Well, maybe other things, too. Other “taking it slow kind of things”. We'll see. I like talking as well. You say the most wonderful things, you know, most of the time." She replied genuinely.

"Okay then, we'll go home and…talk. I may be persuaded to do "other slow kind of things", if you want." Buffy laughed.

"Oh, I think there might be some persuasion. Not much, because if I remember right…you're easy." Buffy continued laughing as she pulled him towards the door of the club.

"Hey!"

TBC

A/N: Well, I never thought one day could last so many chapters! hehe But this chapter will continue where I left off and move on to the next day as well. Thanks again for reading. I've already started on the third part to the trilogy yet I'm not sure, since I've received no feedback, if I should post it. It's still a WIP so...anyway, I'd really like to hear comments. I know Spike is a bit OC but I don't like making him a pig all the time. ;)


~*~

The couple strolled along Revello Drive leading to the Summers' house just as Buffy realized that they were holding hands. Fingers had become entwined and hands had fused together about halfway home and it had seemed so natural. Spike was a hand holder, something she never imagined him ever being. Something he probably never really had the chance to do, living or unliving; being affectionate and tender. Really how far could a big bad get in the demon realm if he was all touchy feely with everyone, especially the slayer?

She felt all bubbly inside, giddy like a teenager on a first date. She laughed to herself and wondered if he felt the same way.

Spike glanced over at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking. They had been quiet most of the way back home, both absorbed in the unusually serene night. His thoughts, though, jolted to and fro, like a wild tennis match between his human and demon side.

What was he doing? Here, feeling happy and content with this extraordinary woman who could kick his ass in a heartbeat, and stake him in even less time than that. Ahh, he was sure he had an idea, he wasn't all that daft. Wanting, needing, trying to exist in this crazy, jumbled up world he called home. Wanting to feel acceptance among the humans he had grown familiar with over the years, needing to feel safety and comfort and not constantly ridiculed, nor hunted and beaten, trying to help others instead of being self-serving, trying to find a niche, a safe place to settle his exhausted travel weary and time worn body. Ironic that Sunnydale happened to be the only place he had ever stayed the longest in and that he often referred to as home.

Then there was the other side, the other thing that mocked him, tried to get its hooks in and pull him back down into the pit of darkness. He found that he was much stronger than ever before and with the soul as a stepping stone he could use over and over to continue his path up and out, he was infallible. He had never been as sure of himself as he was now, presently and for the future. The exasperating demon he battled internally was hanging on the precipice, on the verge of being pushed over to fall to the wayside.

They say love conquers all. This champion walking next to him, holding his hand, loving him, and right at this exact moment, gazing directly at him with so much to offer him. Spike gulped readily and shyly looked elsewhere, hearing Buffy laugh softly. He knew this was still something he would definitely have to get used to but was willing to work on it nevertheless. Work on it a lot, yeah, he could handle that and he found himself laughing softly as well.

As they walked up the front steps leading to the front door, he gave her hand a loving squeeze before sliding it out of her grasp. She turned and looked at him questioningly. He gently brushed his fingers down her jaw line to rest under her chin.

"Just in case. Don't want to have to rush into explanations and details and such right now, do we?"

Buffy patted him lightly on the chest and nodded in understanding as she unlocked the door and the couple strolled in, Spike trailing behind her. The house was noticeably dark and still as she proceeded up the flight of stairs. She had only taken a step or two when she had reached behind her and felt nothing. She paused, twisted her head around and saw him standing where she left him, hands thrust deep into his jeans pockets and staring at his feet.

Spike lifted his head slowly and looked at her. "Well, goodnight, Buffy. See you in the morning then."

"Umm, not goodnight, not now, I…I thought we were going to continue our talk and…and possibly 'other' things," Buffy whispered, trying not to sound desperate.

The tilt of his head told her he was unsure of what to do, or what to say. Buffy held out her hand, beckoning him to walk towards her, hoping upon hope he would concede.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but shouldn't we wait for the 'other' things til we’re both ready? Remember slow? No rush?"

Buffy took a step back down, "Oh oh, no not those things! Just, well, keep me company tonight? I miss spending time with you and we've lost a lot of that time. Just hold me and be all cuddly and snuggly, and perhaps, maybe, I wouldn't mind some kissage a little later?"

Spike chuckled as he closed the gap between them and took her hand in his as Buffy began to walk up the stairs backwards. "I think I can handle a snuggle and a snog. But won't lil sis, or the witches be suspicious when I walk out of your room in the morning?"

"Dawn will most likely be up and gone by the time I even wake up. And if I remember correctly, you sleep in even later. So everyone should be out of the house in the morning, no one will suspect a thing. And what is there to suspect? Two people who love one another spending a night together in a non-intimate way, well except for the touching and kissing part that is. We can announce our togetherness status later when we're ready to."

As Buffy stepped up off the last step, Spike stopped abruptly pulling her to a standstill as well. "Um, Buffy?" he cleared his throat and motioned her to look behind her with a nod of his head.

"What is it?" Buffy whispered, looking at him confused.

"I don't think you’ll have to worry too much about explaining things to the lil bit later."

"What?!" Buffy turned to find Dawn standing in her bedroom doorway, arms crossed with a huge grin plastered on her face.

Buffy let go of Spike's hand as he took the last step up and stood behind her. "Dawnie! What are you doing up so late?" Buffy whispered sternly.

"Apparently not suspecting that my sister and my friend are planning on having a slumber party together tonight. And definitely not seeing her two favorite people being all cozy and lovey with one another."

Suddenly Willow's door flew open and both girls popped their heads out. "Whose doing what with whom?"

Buffy fish mouthed as she looked back and forth between her friends and her sister. She felt Spike lean in closer to her. "I think we've been found out, luv."

She turned and glared at him but quickly graced him with a sweet smile which he returned before she turned back to their spectators.

"Oh, just go to bed. I'll talk to you all tomorrow. We'll talk to you all. Goodnight."

Buffy turned swiftly, grabbing Spike's hand and tugging him along behind and through her bedroom door. The couple heard the giggles followed by the clicking of closing doors. She hit the switch, illuminating the room in a soft light from the lamp next to the bed. Spike smirked at the look on her face.

"Well, that was totally irritating. No one ever gives me a chance to be secretive and evasive anymore, not since…oh well, what does it matter." She smiled, rising on her tiptoes to brush a soft kiss across his lips.

"Yeah, what does it matter?" Buffy walked over to her dresser to pull out her pjs while Spike walked around her room, running his fingers over her trinkets and pretties, absorbing all he could, wanting to know even more of this petite woman he was about to share a night with, in close quarters, in her bed, just talking and snuggling. Buffy mumbled something which he didn't quite catch.

"Hmm?" he turned around and his eyes locked onto her fingers, nimbly undoing the last button on her blouse before sliding it over her shoulders and tossing it onto the chair next to her closet. He couldn't help as his sight traveled over the golden bare skin on her taut tummy, pert breasts covered in lacy white material, a perfect creamy neck and ending on two green eyes penetrating his which widened in surprise matching his own wide-eyed stare.

Both turned around swiftly mumbling apologies as Buffy hurriedly threw on an over-sized t-shirt and Spike marched over to the bookshelf, pretending to scan over the titles on the spines of all the tomes sitting in front of him. He felt her presence directly behind him but couldn't bring himself to turn around.

"I'm really sorry. I guess I'm so comfortable around you I didn't think about what I was doing until, well, until I was unconcealing my, um, concealables. I hope I didn't embarrass you."

Spike chuckled as he turned to look at her. "Do I look like someone who's embarrassed?" He added an eye roll. "Piffle! I'm the Big Bad, I don’t get embarrassed."

Buffy patted him on the chest, sliding her hands up around his neck and pulling him down into a hug, whispering softly in his ear, "You're still big and just a little bad some of the times. I'm happy with that and that's all that matters."

"That's something to be proud of then," he whispered back, nuzzling the soft, sensitive area just below her ear and growling quietly as she backed them up to the bed.

Buffy pulled away, crawled into the bed and slid under the covers patting the empty space next to her. Spike toed his shoes off, pulled the sheet and comforter back up before situating himself on top of them, rolling on to his side facing her and propping his head up with his hand. She scooted closer, pulling his free hand over to settle on her tummy as he slid his other arm under her so her head rested on it. Neither said a word, their plans on more conversation long forgotten as they enjoyed the nearness of one another and soon Buffy fell asleep in his soothing embrace. He stayed awake long enough to watch her peaceful slumber for a few minutes before drifting off into dreamland himself.

~~*~~

"Buffy! Buffy!." A loud, obnoxious pounding on her bedroom door caused the couple to bolt straight up in the bed. The door swung open and Dawn stood there, hand over her eyes.

"Are you both decent?" she giggled.

"Dawnie," Buffy whined. "You better have a damn good reason for waking us up so early."

"Buffy, it's 10 in the morning." Dawn plopped down on her sister's bed, bouncing slightly just to annoy. Spike fell back, pulling one side of the pillow over his head and rolling away from the exuberant girl and her excessively loud tone.

"And it’s a good reason, other than I just wanted to see the two of you all snuggly-wuggly. Giles just called from his new apartment and he's heading over here to discuss the new arrivals. I didn't think you wanted him to know about you and Spike just yet. Even though you know this was all inevitable. I had no worries that you two wouldn't get back together. The bond is too strong to break, maybe stretched to the limits sometimes, but never break. I knew all along."

"Thank you dear, sweet sister of mine. And thanks for the post." Buffy turned to Spike and shook him softly.

"Spike, Spike, come on. Time to get up. Giles is on his way over. You need to get up."

Dawn had hopped off of the bed and made her way over to the other side to bend over the snoozing vampire. In a high pitched tone, she screamed out his name. He shot up like a spring, eyes still closed.

"Bloody hell, bit, I'm up. You better be on fire or being attacked by evil, blood sucking fiends cause really, not a good way to wake up a sleeping vamp, ruddy soul or not."

Dawn patted him on the shoulder tenderly. "So sorry grumpy. Isn't he so cute in the morning or what?" Spike turned his head, a look between confusion and offense clearly etched on his face. Dawn smiled sweetly looking to her sister for confirmation.

Buffy ran her fingers through his sleep tousled hair. "I think he's cute all the time."

Spike huffed then growled. "M'not cute. Ruggedly handsome, yes, but not bloody cute. Leave m'alone, evil sisters."

"Wow, he is grumpy in the mornings," Dawn replied.

Spike ran his hands over his face to wake up.

"He's not a morning person." Buffy rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"Bloody right, m'not. Creature of the night here. Or did we forget that part of the cute, cuddly boyfriend?" Spike continued to growl.

Dawn squealed. "Boyfriend?"

Spike was exasperated and pointed his finger at her. "Tut, not another word from you and aren't you supposed to be doing little girly things with your other girly pals right about now? I'm gonna get the shower before any other evil things around here use up all the hot water. Talk amongst yourselves, I'm not going to be in the same room when you do."

Buffy and Dawn watched as he stalked out of the room and down the hall, slamming the bathroom door on his way into the room.

"Yes definitely not a morning person," Dawn repeated her sister's implication. She jumped onto the bed again just as Buffy slid out.

"So, spill all the gory details. You can talk while you wait for the shower."

"All I'm going to say right now is…I'm so happy. We decided to start fresh and take things slow."

"Uh, Buffy, sleeping with your potential boyfriend is not really taking it slow."

"Dear, little sis. That's all we did, sleep, hence the fully clothed vampire and your sister. And it was the nicest sleeping I've ever done. I have never felt so protected and cherished. I felt safe in his arms, and felt the…bond, as you say, grow stronger. It can only get better as time goes by and I'm looking forward to it."

A few minutes passed as the sister sat and talked about future things, happy things other than slaying and apocalypses.

Dawn jumped off the bed excitedly and walked towards her sister. "I'm so happy for you." Spike walked in, rubbing a towel over his wet head. "Happy for both of you."

Spike smiled lovingly at his little bit. "Um, Giles just pulled up. I'll let him in if you wanna grab a shower."

Buffy stepped in front of him, drawing his face down to her with two fingers placed under his chin and gave him a chaste yet sweet kiss. "Thanks, be down soon," and she skipped off to the bathroom.

Spike was left in the room with the hyper teenager who stood there bouncing up and down, looking at him strangely, making him uncomfortable. If he was able to blush, he was sure he would be doing exactly that at the moment.

"Giles here. Door locked. Need to…let him in." And he turned to run down the stairs to unlock the door for the watcher, Dawn following closely.

"'Morning Giles," Spike looked over at the nuisance hovering behind him. "Thank God you're here."

"Well, thank you, I think. Any reason why my company is so enthusiastically wanted this morning?"

"Nothing really special, just like having another male in the house. Buffy will be down soon, taking a shower. Something to drink perhaps? Tea, coffee?" The two men walked into the kitchen leaving Dawn in the living room to watch TV.

"Anything new on the home front? Any new developments?" Giles asked while preparing the teakettle and Spike poured himself a mug of blood.

"I was about to ask you the same. Buffy and I patrolled last night, nothing new, same ol', same ol'. Though I did have something I would like to ask you about. Buffy. She took on a gaggle of vamps last night, said she didn't want my help. The last two gave her a bit of a tussle, knocked her off her feet and she smacked her head on a gravestone."

"Dear Lord, is she all right?"

"She was fine, slight headache but it went away. The thing is…I felt it, too. I…I didn't mention it to her because I was…well, I was shocked and confused. I felt her pain in my head."

Giles stared at the vampire sipping warm pig's blood from his mug. "Ok, watcher, what is it?"

"You and Buffy, well, you're linked in some mystical capacity. There is a prophecy relating how you two are connected, you share physical feelings, pain, and possibly other things as well. When the bond is stronger, you may be able to communicate telepathically with one another."

"You're saying that…Giles, that almost sounds like a mating…we weren't mated before, were we?...no, I would know that. It's almost like a Sire/Childe…that's ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous? Hi, Giles," Buffy walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Buffy. We were discussing the implications of sire and childe bonds, and…". Giles stopped in mid sentence as he watched Spike pour a cup of coffee and hand it to Buffy, both smiling at the other over the gesture.

The two noticed the silence and simultaneously turned to look over at the mute watcher. Realizing how close they were standing together, both jumped back and walked in opposite directions, but Buffy suddenly turned and swiftly walked to Spike.

"This is silly." She grabbed his arm to stop him and pulled him to her. "Giles, Spike and I are…we're, um..."

Buffy looked to Spike for help. "What are we doing?"

"Buffy and I have decided to…to make a go of it. As of last night, we are officially on a new path of…" Spike then turned to Buffy.

"Coupledom? Togetherness? Uh, close knit relationship?" Buffy tried.

"Well, it's about bloody time. I had a suspicion something was amiss here. You were being too kind to one another. It was all too strange and I was beginning to get worried. Now that you are together, we need to sit down and discuss matters at hand. Our imminent new arrivals, The First, and a rediscussion of the prophecy concerning the two of you."

"Well, that shoots my plans for the rest of the day." Buffy sighed as Giles looked at her firmly. "I'm joking. Well, what are we all standing around here for? We have evil at hand business to discuss."

TBC

A/N: Well, this is the last chapter-- Be sure to watch for the sequel to this, ‘The Darkness Before the Hour’, the last in the series. It will continue on from In the End with the battle. Let me know if you are interested.

~*~

“~The battle to end all battles will be nigh and the chosen one, the one who is destined to be the last slayer, will lead the world to triumph.~” Spike heard the Watcher’s familiar voice drone on and on covering everything he deemed important enough to cover.

“You are connected to the slayer mentally and physically.” Spike was losing focus as his mind wandered and he heard only bits and pieces as the Watcher soliloquized the finer points of the prophecies.

“~The two named protectors will follow her way into battle, the Gaelic child to the left hand of the chosen one, the Saxon child to the right.~” Pages were rustling as they were turned, a pencil tapped ruthlessly on the table, broke up the monotony of the words buzzing around the vampire’s head.

“~Both immortals will perish~”

“~Angel’s given name is Liam, an Irish form of William~”

“~The name William means “to protect”~.” He could hear Buffy humming softly, felt her regular heartbeat, smelled the floral scent mixed in with her distinct aroma. Tried to stay centered, listening and retaining all the information Giles was prattling on about. Everything being swallowed up. Blackness with just a lone voice. The Watcher’s voice.

“~Since you have a soul now~”

“~You are but both alike in spirit”~

“~Buffy and Spike~”

“~Personalities are similar~”

“~Understand one another~”

“~Fit together like separate pieces of a puzzle~.” Slayer, vampire, end of the world, surprisingly meant to be together, a lifelong bond. Words were bloody jumbled about in his head.

“~At the hands of the hellbeast~”

“~To become and remain mortal.~” ‘What did he say?’ Spike wondered, questioning himself if he had actually asked that out loud because he hadn’t heard his own voice.

“I have reason to believe that the named protectors are Angel and…Spike. Spike?...SPIKE?”

He jolted to an upright position in the dining room chair, confused at first of where he was until his vision cleared and he saw the Watcher standing across from him on the other side of the dining room table looking quite stern and perturbed.

“Did you not hear a single word I just recounted for you? This is all known information we have discussed previously before the hellmouth incident. Do you have any knowledge of any of this?”

“Pfft, of course I do. Remember it like a bloody broken record. And that’s what it’s becoming, a bloody broken record. How many times do we have to hear about this prophecy and that prophecy?”

Giles sighed, “Spike, this was only the second time I’ve recited these facts. I just wasn’t certain, what with the partial memory loss, what you have actually retained concerning these prophecies.”

“Oh, well, whatever Watcher. I get it. The slayer and I have some kind of kismet going for us. But whatever it is we’re not really sure what it all involves, as of yet that is. Which is acceptable by me.” Spike leaned his head into his hand and looked over at Buffy who was smiling at him.

“Makes life more interesting and gratifying what with the suspense. I can handle it.” Spike grinned back mischievously. The couple sat staring at one another, captivated and caught up in each other’s presence.

Giles cleared his throat as he pulled his glasses off with one hand, pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket with the other and began impulsively cleaning the lenses. Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at her watcher’s unmistakable uneasiness.

“It’s ok, Giles. Please continue with whatever else you have left to say or go over. I’m sure it will be important.” Giles began to speak as he shook his head. Spike cut him off.

“Yes, yes, watcher. Stun us. Fascinate us with your watcherly wisdom.” Spike teased and Giles stared daggers at the vampire.

“Fortunately, I have completed my oration for the time being. Make sure from now on patrols are done in teams. We should have a meeting tonight with everyone and discuss plans for the newcomers. Caulfield called last evening and they should be arriving in due time, possibly within a day or two.” Giles stood as he looked at the two warriors sitting across the table before continuing.

“These young girls, potential slayers, will be frightened as well as green. We will have to forgo preliminaries and begin extensive training. The two of you along with myself and the other two watchers, should be capable to prepare them for what lies ahead. I expect it to be a tremendous battle, one we can only hope that we will all survive to see the outcome.”

“We have so far, Giles. I haven’t lost an apocalypse yet. What makes this one any different?” Buffy’s mood changed as her voice became somber.

“I suppose we will cross that bridge when we come to it. The foreboding tale has yet to be spun, and I suspect we are all just characters waiting to deliver our lines when the curtain has been formidably pulled back for the first scene.”

Spike rolled his eyes and snickered. “How melodramatic of you, watcher.”

“And to that I add a, huh?” Buffy crinkled up her nose as Giles looked on exasperated.

Spike patted her on the top of her hand. “Just Giles’ theatrical display to say he doesn’t know a bloody thing about how this apocalypse will be any different from the others.”

Buffy mouthed a silent oh while Giles gathered up all his important papers and books. “And to that, I will say good day. I will be back this evening for the meeting after patrol. Will you be patrolling together tonight?”

Buffy and Spike exchanged a glance. “Yes, I suppose we can. Meeting at 10 will be the best. I’ll call the others.”

“Mind if I make an earlier appearance for research sake?” Giles asked.

“Sure. Hey, let’s have pizza and research like old times.”

“Very well, then. I will see you this evening.”

The three said their goodbyes leaving the couple standing in the foyer to contemplate events that lay ahead of them and would take place sooner than they expected.

~~*~~

“So, ok, we, as in us currently in hearing and seeing proximity, are going to have to turn our humble abodes into pre-slayer motels?” Xander looked desperately from Giles to Buffy to Willow.

“Yeah, an apartment full of hormonal, gossipy teenyboppers pillaging your pantry and your fridge, using all your hot water and littering your space with all their girly essentials. Doesn’t that sound like a picnic?” Spike pointed out saucily, knowing full well Buffy’s home would soon be overtaken by said teenagers.

Xander groaned as he slowly slid back down to sit on the couch as Dawn stood, hands on hips and mouth hanging open. “Uh, excuse me, but teenager in the “hearing and seeing proximity” here. That was just plain rude and uncalled for and I think I deserve an apology from two of the three males in this room.”

“Oops,” Buffy muttered in Spike’s general direction, rubbing his back to show her understanding and pity for what he had to do. Spike stood and walked straight up to the girl, taking a hand in his and looking her squarely in the eyes.

“Nibblet, I am so very sorry to hurt your impressionable feelings. You are an intelligent and beautiful specimen of the female race and I would never fault you for anything.” He ended with a light kiss on her knuckles, turning to glare at Xander with a smirk on his lips as he trotted back to his seat next to Buffy. She patted him approvingly on the back.

“Oh, you are good, man. Way to slather it on thick,” Xander looked over at Dawn who now had her arms crossed over her chest waiting.

“Dawnie, you know I would never hurt you on purpose. I don’t think of you as a teenager but a young woman who is a core part of our gang. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.”

“You guys are really pathetic. But apologies, if you can call them that, accepted. Feel free to throw more compliments my way every now and then. I don’t mind, really.” Dawn smiled as she seated herself again.

“Well, with that mystery solved, I think Spike and I will head out on patrol while you finish whatever it is you need to finish. Come on, honey. The monsters are waiting for our grand entrance.” Buffy reached over and grasped Spike’s hand, dragging him off the chair, towards the foyer and out the front door, weapons in hand.

They didn’t have the pleasure of seeing Xander’s reaction to Buffy’s pet name for the vampire as he froze in mid swallow of his soda, eyes protruding and holding his breath. Anya elbowed him in the ribs and whispered for him to breathe and he spluttered out a few adverbs.

“When? How? Where was I?”

“Oh, Xander, you’re telling me you didn’t even notice how comfy and cozy they’ve been with each other all night?” Anya asked. “Anyone could tell they are back at it, all over one another, giving each other…”

Willow jumped in over Anya’s analysis of the slayer and vampire affair. “Xander, it just happened last night. They went out together and talked, decided there was something there and are giving it the good ol’ college try. And no, they are not “at it” again. They are taking things slow, relearning one another again, falling in love at a leisurely pace, one they choose to decide how fast or how slow. I haven’t seen Buffy this happy and content in a while so we should be glad and supportive of them.”

Xander shrugged his shoulders. “Ok,” and went about flipping pages in the text to further the research on The First and its key players.

~~*~~

The graveyards were lifeless, no pun intended, as the warriors strolled through one after the other, both agitated and frustrated because there was no one or nothing to slay.

“This doesn’t seem to be of the good news here,” Buffy exclaimed. “When there are absolutely no baddies out in a place where baddies generally make up about a third of the populace.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, luv. Dreadful and just down right wrong if you ask me. Something’s coming and I believe it’s coming soon.”

“Indeed, soon is way past tense here.”

Spike and Buffy stood stock still at the sound of the familiar voice. The couple turned around together and faced a replica of the slayer down to the hair, the stance, the facial expressions and the clothes. Buffy scowled as she realized the apparition mirrored her exact pose.

“I assume we are addressing The First? Couldn’t come up with anything scarier to appear as? Because, really, not impressing me by showing up as…me.”

“Oh, dear, dear slayer. I’m not out to make first impressions. I’m not here to make with the nice either. Yes, you have overcome my previous tactics but that was just child’s play. There is more to come and no little kiddies, no love sick, weak vampires, nor ignorant, selfish slayers are going to prevail over the mighty and powerful me.”

Buffy had heard enough as she began to march towards the insufferable blabbering big bad. Spike grabbed her by the forearm and pulled her back to rest against his form, speaking soothing words to calm her inner rampage. Funny, the tables should have been turned, he being the one to lose control of his temper and she most probably talking him down.

“Awww, isn’t that so sweet? Young love. How scrumptious and delicious.”

Suddenly a likeness of Spike stepped out from behind the evil Buffy, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling her neck.

“Mm, it is nice, if I do say so myself. Come, lover, there are things we need to tend to.” The First looked over at the fearless heroes staring in disbelief.

“We’ll see you around, beloveds. Very, very soon.” and the evil couple disappeared without further warning. Spike growled and Buffy huffed as she turned in his arms, leaning her forehead against his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Let’s head home, luv. Tell the watcher what we’ve encountered. Maybe they’ve found some information for us.”

“I do hope so,” Buffy mumbled into his shirt. She looked up into his eyes.

“Thank you for being my strength. I wanted to pummel that bitch. Do I act like that?” she asked innocently.

“Uh, no, luv. Not that conceited I can honestly say.”

Back at the Summers’ residence, exchanges of information took place between patrollers and researchers. It seemed The First could take form of whomever it wanted. More research was to be done in that area. Secret files were found yet not unlocked. Cryptic messages were being deciphered as everyone worked together as an unit, a team. The First was not going to be a force they could reckon with, nothing to laugh at, nothing to take lightly. An army was needed and once gathered, Buffy was sure they could overtake The Big Bad. She just hoped her small troop would grow in strength and numbers.

A knock on the door snapped her out of her thoughts. All chattering ceased as they all looked towards the entrance. Buffy walked over, Spike following close behind as she reached for the doorknob and slowly opened the door. A look of surprise graced her face when she heard a bloody hell announced behind her.

“Angel!”

“I was told you may be in need of my services.” He smiled slightly as Buffy welcomed him into her home.

The End

A/N: Continued on in Part Three Sequel, “The Darkness Before the Hour”. See you there. 