...::...*Chapter One: Rough Waters*..........::.............


“You are the most infuriating, stupid, callous and arrogant guy I have ever met!”



“Yeah? Funny, luv, ‘cause I was sure that was you. Well, minus the whole guy part.” Spike scratched his chin thoughtfully as he tilted his head to study her in the moonlight glow.



Buffy threw up her hands in defeat and let out a grunt of exasperation. “Arrrgh!”



Spike grinned. “What? Did I miss something? You are a girl, right?”



Buffy glowered at him, daggers shooting from her hazel depths. “Fuck. You.”



Spike waggled his eyebrows, shoving his hands into the pockets of his duster as they walked. “Well, I’d love to but unlike some people, I follow the Ten Commandments and don’t engage in promiscuous activities.” He shoved his nose into the air proudly, winking at her.



Buffy snickered. “Ha. You. The Ten Commandments. Do you even know what they are?”



Spike scowled. “Bitch.”



“Asshole.”



“Snob.”



“Jock.”



“Cheerleader.”



“Desperate housewife.”



“PMS alert.”



“Fuck you.”



“Didn’t we already go over that, pet?” Spike laughed as she brought her arm out to thump him playfully on the arm. Then she froze. What was she doing? And with Spike? What was she doing with Spike? Was she having fun?



Not possible. This is Spike we’re talking about, she reminded herself.



But still…he made her laugh and she hadn’t felt this carefree in…well, in a long time. Ever since she had come back from…things had been really rough. Her “friends” had expected her to bounce right back to her usual self and she had felt an unusual sense of fury directed at them. She felt incredibly guilty for thinking such mean thoughts but really, they were a bunch of losers if they thought they could just bring her back and decide how her life should be lived. Buffy had been even more furious when she learned that Dawn hadn’t even known about what had been about to happen.



Devastated, Dawn had been none too prepared for the sight of her very much alive sister.



Buffy figured that maybe, if she spent more and more time away from them, they wouldn’t feel the need to stick around. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to flat out tell them all to go to hell but she was capable of knowing who her friends were and who they weren’t.



But for some unexplainable reason, Buffy still had that feeling in her stomach that if she said good-bye to these people, she would be alone. She knew it was ridiculous because Willow, Xander and Giles could never be a big enough substitute for Dawn but still, in the end, she was essentially on her own. She couldn’t share her experiences and life with Dawn the way she had with her friends. There were different relationships in her life, different parts to it. The Slayer part with the Slayer-friends and the Buffy part with the Buffy-friends.



Years ago when Buffy had still been in high school and had been fighting with her friends alongside her, she had genuinely believed that her friends liked her because she was Buffy, not because she was the Slayer. The Slayer was just an “added bonus”, as her mother phrased it. But then, as the years slowly trickled by and denial could no longer be as effective as it once was, Buffy was forced to face the music and realize how much her friends considered her the Slayer as opposed to just Buffy. It wasn’t as if they meant it. Buffy knew that much but still, if they really were her friends, wouldn’t they see her for the twenty two year old woman she was, not the descendent of an ancestry that was forever sacred in the world of the supernatural?



So back to Buffy being alone, she knew that she would have to endure the judgment and the criticism, if it meant not being alone. She knew that Spike cared for her and made her feel happy in ways that her friends could never imagine. But she feared the rejection, the disgust that would follow on her friends’ faces. The same disgust that would detach themselves from her entire existence. She was their protector, which meant she had to fulfill whatever standards they set. She had to protect them, no matter what. That was her weakness. Her humanity wept for immortality, for the numbness of emotion. She didn’t want to protect anyone but herself. But she knew that it wasn’t possible, not with the destiny she had been given, anyway.



So when Buffy realized how much fun she was having, she abruptly closed off, her lips forming a straight thin line. She was determined not to feel.



Spike noticed the change and sighed in defeat as they strode the streets of Sunnydale, on the prowl for dark creatures that threatened to harm the town’s defenseless residents.



“And there she goes….” he said softly, his voice conveying the hurt he tried to mask on his face.



But Buffy heard it and her heart ached to comfort him and assure him that he was not the problem. It was her. It had always been her. Spike had never been it.



Spike had, in fact, been the wake up call to this realization. Spike had made her realize how much of a demon she really was. Her attitude, her self-righteousness. Her whole being echoed hypocrisy and she hated it.



She hated him. She hated him for guiding her through the darkness, showing her what she really was. Whether he had meant to or not wasn’t the concern. He had done so nevertheless and now it was her turn to react.



“Spike,” she whispered, stopping their walk with a light hand on his jacket sleeve. He turned to look at her with a wary, tired expression, the hope ever-alight in his glacial blue orbs. She shivered as she lost herself in them, the way they screamed to her with devotion, love and promise. She was drowning in him, immersing herself in his existence, his whole self. She was feeling his emotions, binding herself to him as their eyes deflowered each other with an intensity that was almost stronger than physical bond.



“Buffster!”



The moment was shattered, the sound of Xander’s voice breaking through the silence that had enraptured them both.



Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes as she turned to face her friend, a smile plastered awkwardly onto her face. “Hey Xander!” she greeted him. Her voice was chipper and too bright, even to her own ears.



Willow materialized at Xander’s side with a slow, tentative smile. Ever since Buffy’s return, she wasn’t quite sure how to act around Buffy. She had just seemed so different, and Willow hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly how or why. Willow had even felt a bit resentful. After all, here she was, saving her friend from a hell dimension and all she got was a “barely there” ghost who refused to engage in girl talk and shopping. Rude, much?



“Hey, Buffy!” Willow greeted her friend with a wide but oddly insincere smile.



Buffy nodded stiffly. “Hey.”



For the first time, they noticed Spike at her side and Xander narrowed his eyes. “What’s death boy doing here, Buff?”



Buffy looked like a deer in the headlights, not quite sure how to reply. Should she defend Spike or make up some flimsy excuse to please her friends? She threw Spike a sideways glance and saw his expression asking her the same question.



Fight or flight?



“I-I ran into him…and, uh…well, he wouldn’t leave me alone, y’know?” Buffy stuttered, her barely there reply seemingly satisfying her friends as they threw her understanding smiles of condescending sympathy of having to “deal with” Spike.



Buffy flinched inwardly when she saw the flash of hurt cross Spike’s features, before his cool mask resettled itself on the beautiful planes of his face.



“Still chasing after Buffy then, Captain Peroxide? Haven’t realized you actually need to be worth something to gain even an ounce of her attention?” Xander sneered, receiving encouraging smiles from Willow. Buffy watched this interaction with dismay, her eyes lowering themselves in shame as she refused to look at Spike.



“Right then,” Spike cleared his throat, not bothering with the boy. “I’m off.”



And with that, Buffy glanced up fleetingly to watch his duster billow out behind him as he turned on his heel and sauntered off to his crypt in Restfield. Buffy watched with sad eyes as he didn’t bother looking back and she felt that the metaphorical meaning to this was quite heartbreaking. Was he finally pulling the plug on whatever she wanted them to have? She certainly hoped not. She wasn’t ready to lose him. She wasn’t ready to lose him at all.



“So, Buffy, how’s patrol going?” Willow’s light question filled the silence that had ensued after Spike’s abrupt exit.



Oh it’s all good, y’know. You’re probably happy you don’t have to do it anymore now that I’m back. I mean really, that’s all I’m fucking good for, right bitch?



“Good.” Buffy smiled brightly at her redheaded friend and wondered idly where their respective partners were. She decided to ask them, hoping to make some conversation to assure them she wasn’t on the verge of an emotional breakdown. She figured that if she was happy enough for them, they wouldn’t suspect anything unusual. Spike had been the only one to see through her façade…and that’s what had hurt the most. Her most hated and despised arch foe could read her like an open book, but the friends she had known for a little over six years didn’t know the first thing about her. Buffy pushed the thoughts aside for her brooding time she reserved for when she was lying in her bed, her thoughts completely to herself. She preferred solitude when thinking, as opposed to drinking or talking. It was easier. You didn’t have to lie to anyone, nor did you have to worry about letting something slip.



“So where are Anya and Tara?” Buffy asked, willing her voice to sound interested in the answer.



Xander shrugged, his concern for his better half evidently empty. Buffy had always resented this. Xander never seemed to show an ounce of the care that Anya showed him. Their relationship seemed so one-sided, but really, who was she to judge? It wasn’t her life.
If only Willow and Xander could understand that about her…



Willow however pursed her lips tightly as her brow furrowed in anger. “She’s giving me the silent treatment,” she explained, her voice reflecting how silly she thought Tara was being. “Something about me abusing magic and such.” Waving her hand in a “who cares?” motion, she flashed Buffy a smile and Buffy reluctantly returned it. The only two sane, non-judgmental people in the Scooby group weren’t present because their partners were being asses.



Funny how ironic it was. The people who knew so little about her treated her best. Maybe that was the reason. They knew nothing, so they could judge nothing…



Buffy sighed inwardly as they walked home together, calling the night a relatively safe one. She threw a final, longing look back in the direction of Restfield and turned back to listen to her friends chat aimlessly about “how unfair life was” and how they “just couldn’t deal with another apocalypse”.



*****



Spike barged into his crypt, slamming the door loudly as he cursed his way to his mini fridge, willing there to be some hard liquor. He yanked open the fridge door and silently praised the Gods that sensed his distress, pulling out the bottle of Jack and spinning around in a graceful motion to veg in front of the TV with some Passions.



“Bloody Slayer can’t make up her mind,” he muttered petulantly, spinning the cap off the bottle and bringing it to his lips, savoring the bitter liquid that trickled down his throat. To his surprise however, he found Clem sleeping soundly on his favorite -and only- chair in his crypt, his head leaning on his large hand as he snored softly. Spike snickered at the amusing sight, and his laughter increased as he watched a trail of saliva drip mercilessly out of Clem’s mouth. Spike glimpsed the empty, crumpled bag of Lays and glanced fleetingly at the TV to see a muted infomercial about some sort of acne cleanser.



“Honey, I’m home!” Spike called out in a sing-song voice, hoping his volume would wake Clem up. No such luck. Spike watched with a sigh of dismay as Clem merely shifted to get more comfortable in his sleep, making a cute smacking sound with his lips as he found solace in his slumber.



“Clem!” Spike shouted, clapping his hands loudly.



Snore.



“Wake the bloody fuck up!” Spike yelled, bringing his fist to Clem’s shoulder and thumping him hard.



“I didn’t steal the Cheetos!” Clem blurted as his eyes snapped open with a sleepy haze, his arms instinctively curling outwards as his body stretched itself.



Spike laughed bitterly and folded his arms over his chest expectantly. “What’re you doing here, Clem?”



Clem glanced up at him with a hopeful glint in his warm brown eyes. “Well,” he began nervously. “I was wondering if I could kinda stay over for a couple days, y’know. Until things…die down?”



Spike narrowed his eyes, studying the anxious expression on his friend’s face. “Die down? What did you do, Clem?”



Clem sighed, running a hand over his face in a tired motion. “I kind of stole some stuff from this demon store and now they’re after me.”



Spike blinked. “Well, what did you steal?”



Clem ducked his head and murmured something incoherent.



Spike furrowed his brow and tilted his head. “Come again?”



Clem sighed again, looking at Spike with mild trepidation. “Cheetos,” he mumbled, his normally greenish-yellow skin tinged pink with embarrassment.



Spike’s eyes widened. “You stole Cheetos?” he asked, incredulous.



Clem nodded dumbly. “Yeah. I was hungry. I’ve been trying this diet you see,” he explained. “And well, my body was going into some sort of withdrawal that caused unusual amounts of waste-.”



“Enough!” Spike held up a hand, his face contorted in disgust as he momentarily closed his eyes. “You can stay, just don’t make a mess.” He looked pointedly at the empty bag of chips and the crushed cans of Coca Cola littered messily around the chair.



Clem’s eyes brightened and he nodded happily. “Sure thing, Spike!” Then his smile faltered and a frown overtook the friendly expression on his face as he studied Spike. “What’s wrong?”



Spike shrugged as he shuffled over to the sarcophagus, sitting on its top and sipping his liquor as Clem watched him from afar. “Nothing.”



Clem rolled his eyes as he stood up from his chair and bent down to collect the garbage. “Is this about the Slayer again?” He shot Spike a knowing look when he looked at Clem with surprise.



“Everything is always about the Slayer,” he explained matter-of-factly, answering Spike’s unspoken question.



Spike pouted as he took another sip of his alcohol. “Not everything,” he sulked.



Clem rolled his eyes as he dumped the trash into the garbage can and returned to his chair, looking at his friend from across the room with a sympathetic stare.



“Spike, maybe you should talk to her.”



Spike simply glowered at him. “None of your business what I do with the Slayer.”



Clem looked taken aback by his vehement response not to talk to Buffy and figured that their relationship wasn’t really…well, wasn’t much of a relationship.



Clem hated how the two were so meant to be together but couldn’t set aside their differences and try to actually progress to something other than sex partners. Clem loved Buffy and he loved Spike and he hated to see the two of them so unhappy when they could really make each other feel better about themselves. He also knew that the two shared something in common; they didn’t talk about their feelings, not to anyone but themselves. In a way, Buffy shared her feelings too, maybe not with the same openness and emotion that Spike did, but she did nonetheless. Or at least Clem supposed.



Clem sighed as he flicked the television off and turned to Spike with a sad smile. “I suppose it isn’t.” Then he yawned, realizing Spike had interrupted his sleep and nodded a goodnight to the sulking vampire as he cuddled into the chair and slowly drifted back to sleep, leaving Spike to his own thoughts.



*****



The next morning, Clem awoke to find Spike gone. Probably using the sewers to find Buffy, he decided. Clem sat lazily in the chair, enjoying the afterglow of a comfortably silent and calm morning. His thoughts strayed to the Slayer and the vampire, wondering what he could possibly do to convince them that misery wasn’t the only thing they could bring each other.



Then, Clem’s eyes lit up. Grinning, he realized what he had to do…




TBC

…::…**Chapter Two: Severing Ties**…::…


“Hey Slayer.”



Buffy’s mood brightened at the sound of Spike’s cheerful hello, but forced herself to groan out loud, hoping to convince Spike that she felt anything but relieved with his presence. She was near Restfield, alone, as her friends partied at the Bronze. She had insisted they go, not wanting to deal with their company as she patrolled. She preferred to be alone nowadays, considering how much she had to think about. Taking care of Dawn, paying the bills, finding a job, Spike…



The vampire in question was meeting her stride for stride, enjoying the night like she was. The sky was clear and the stars shone brightly in the night sky. “Always knew you loved my company,” he teased, tilting his head to study her as they walked down the sidewalk. She twirled her stake nervously in her hands as she avoided looking at him.



“Yeah, I sure do,” she quipped sarcastically, not wanting him to question her mood. She really wasn’t in the mood for sharing tonight.



“You know Slayer, you can’t keep avoiding this. We had sex,” Spike said softly, his gaze intense as he looked at her closed off expression.



She sighed as they stopped walking, approaching the area where the Bronze was. “What we had was nothing,” she forced herself to snap. She couldn’t believe she was saying this, that she was hurting this beautiful man. Not monster. Man. “It was just…convenient.”



Spike’s eyes looked pained but his expression remained stoic. “Don’t come knocking at my door then when you’re looking to scratch that itch of yours.”



Buffy ran a hand tiredly through her hair and had never felt older. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, reaching out tentatively but then dropping it. “But I need you,” she whispered, her eyes full of pain and depression, silently begging him to make it all go away.



He stared through her eyes and saw that she did need him, but not for the reasons she should. She needed his body, not him. His talents, not his soul. “I know you do, Buffy,” he whispered, bringing a hand out to cup her cheek as he tilted her head to stare at her more clearly. Her eyes glazed over in serenity as she leaned into his touch. “But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t not have you and still be so…” He paused, trailing a finger down her cheekbone and to her jaw line. “Close,” he whispered, dropping his hand with sadness.



He turned, beginning to walk away when he heard her. “Please, Spike. Please stay.”



It took every fiber of his entire being, every piece of his mind, soul, and body not to go to her. It took all the willpower he had ever had, all the love he held for her not to go and comfort her, bring her pleasure in her time of darkness. It took so much of him that by the time he had reached his crypt, he realized he had been crying.
******


Buffy returned home with a heavy heart and unlocked the door to 1630 Revello, her mood sour and her expression blank. She saw Dawn sitting in the kitchen, chewing mechanically on a slice of leftover pizza.



“Hey, Dawn,” Buffy greeted her sister softly. Dawn turned around to look at her sister with a tired expression.



“Hi, Buffy,” her voice was strained somehow, but Dawn managed to pull off a decent smile for her sister. She knew Buffy was really stressed and didn’t need to hear about her problems.



But Buffy didn’t buy it. She crossed the room to take a seat next to her sister in the kitchen, watching as Dawn finished the last slice of pizza. A nostalgic expression overcame her features as she remembered her mom making homemade pizza as a traditional Saturday meal. Then sadness replaced it, realizing that “traditional Saturday meals” were now whatever she could afford at the Doublemeat Palace. She hated that Dawn had to suffer for her shortcomings and that she couldn’t do much to change their life. All she could do was make sure Dawn was safe and relatively happy.



“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked calmly, her hand reaching out to pull a strand of Dawn’s brunette hair away from her beautiful, porcelain face.



Dawn shivered at the maternal gesture and she fought the urge to cry. “I hate being alone, Buffy,” she admitted inaudibly, her voice conveying how serious she was.



Buffy nodded, pained. “I know,” her voice cracked as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. Ever since Willow had decided to move in with Tara, and she had somewhat detached herself from Xander to the point that he didn’t visit as often, the house was quiet. Dawn was forced to spend the majority of her evenings alone, until late at night when Buffy came home. But even then, Buffy barely spoke a word and headed off to bed, tired after patrol, work, and research.



Dawn looked up at Buffy with an apologetic expression. Before she could say anything, Buffy gave a smile and offered her an idea. “What if you went to stay with Clem in Spike’s crypt? He likes you a lot and he’s really nice, y’know.”



Dawn gave a wide smile back and nodded agreeably, but there was something akin to girlish joy about her smile. “That would be cool.”



Buffy cocked her head, raising an eyebrow. “Quite enthusiastic, aren’t we?”



Dawn blushed. She couldn’t deny the fact that ever since she had met the beautifully happy and peaceful demon, she hadn’t been able to keep the inevitable crush from evolving. Hell, even the tentacles seemed pretty damn sexy to her.



Buffy chuckled and tousled Dawn’s hair affectionately. Dawn growled in mock-annoyance as she gave Buffy a look. “Us Summers girls, falling for the supernatural.”



Dawn laughed and Buffy decided that tomorrow morning, she would see Clem.



*****



Clem, in the meantime, was busy perfecting his plans and rehearsing his “lines” for when Spike came home. He had to make sure everything went exactly according to plan and that Spike or Buffy didn’t suspect a thing. Speaking of the Summers’ women, his lips twisted into a dreamy smile as brunette hair and pale, beautiful skin flashed through his mind temptingly. Sighing with longing, he pushed his affectionate thoughts for the younger Summers’ sister aside and resolved not to be so selfish and screw up his friend’s happiness just because he had a crush.



Spike barged through the door again, loud as usual, and plopped down on the instantly vacated chair as Clem stood by nervously, watching Spike with worried eyes.



Uh-oh. I hope nothing too bad happened with Buffy, Clem thought, trying his best to gauge Spike’s mood. He seemed forlorn, dejected as he leaned back into the chair, eyes closed. He was clearly not asleep, but he didn’t look to be in the mood for talking.



Maybe I should wait until a better time, Clem thought doubtfully. No. I have to do this before things become even worse between the two of them.



Clem took a deep breath and adopted a firm expression on his usually easygoing-friendly face. “Spike, I have some good news for you!” he forced himself to sound a notch happier than usual.



Spike looked reluctantly up at him, his blue eyes disinterested and closed off. “What?” he asked blankly.



“Money!” Clem grinned, knowing exactly which buttons to push to get Spike’s attention.



Spike straightened up slightly in his chair, his eyes a bit lighter than before.



Old habits die hard, Clem thought fondly, recalling the days when Spike used to cherish four things: gambling, sex, violence and money. In a way, he somewhat wished that Spike hadn’t come to Sunnydale with Drusilla and met Buffy. Maybe he would have still been happier and “innocent”, even if it was in an evil and reckless way. Anything was better than the day-to-day rejection, the hurt and the deflowering of what made him who he was.



Clem began to “excitedly” tell him all about the newest gambling spot in town…



TBC

Chapter Three: Making Plans



The following morning, Buffy forced herself out of bed to get ready for work. She could hear the sounds of Dawn’s awakenings as she too began to dress for school. She yearned for the days when she had been in high school, with mom and a blissful kind of ignorance to the darkness she knew too well today.



“Dawn!” she called from her room, slowly putting her uniform on. She grimaced as she patted down the wrinkled skirt and adjusted her collar, studying her appearance critically in the mirror.



Footsteps could be heard and then Dawn was standing in her doorway, with a huge grin on her face. Buffy turned to look at her, sensing her presence, and giggled when she saw Dawn had make-up on. And a pretty top, one that she only wore when she was Bronzing. And she was sure those jeans hadn’t been that tight when she had bought them for her. Rolling her eyes at her sister’s antics, she smiled.



“Let’s go to Spike’s crypt and after that, I’ll drop you off.” Buffy led her sister out of her room and they both headed down the flight of stairs, one with uncontained excitement and the other with dread. She hoped that Spike wouldn’t be there. She couldn’t face him until she was sure she wouldn’t end up crying if she looked into his beautiful baby blues one more time.



***



They arrived shortly at Spike’s crypt, the cemetery eerily silent and a dark aura fell over them. Buffy shivered. She hated being around cemeteries during the day. It was one thing to be forced to fight near them at night but she didn’t need her bright sunny days tainted by its gloom. Sighing warily with an equally glum Dawn at her side, they approached the crypt’s door. Raising her hand to knock, she banged her knuckles against the hard wooden surface.



After a few moments, the door opened abruptly, revealing a smiling Clem.



“Hey there, ladies!” he greeted them cheerfully, his smile growing wider when he spotted the beautiful brunette next to Buffy. He eyed her appreciatively, but respectively, and inclined his head in a more formal greeting to her.



She giggled and ducked her head in response and Buffy simply watched the cute interaction with an amused smile in place. “Hey, Clem,” she said.



“Is there something I can do for you?” he asked, his voice relaxed as he invited them to join him inside.



Buffy smiled but politely shook her head no. “I have to get Dawn to school, but I wanted to drop by and ask you a favor,” she said tentatively. Though she trusted Clem impeccably with Dawn, she wasn’t sure how he would react to her proposition. After all, he was still a demon and maybe he had better things to do in his free time than babysit the Slayer’s little sister.



Clem tilted his head, a jovial expression in place with a mixture of curiosity.



“I was wondering if it would be okay if Dawn stayed with you after she finished school, until I come to pick her up late at night. Like an every day thing?” Buffy asked hopefully. She glanced sideways at Dawn who looked equally as hopeful but for different reasons, she supposed.



To her mild surprise, Clem’s face broke into a wide smile. “Of course she can! I’d be more than happy to allow good company into this gloomy old crypt,” he joked, gesturing to the darkness of the crypt.



Buffy nodded. “Is Spike in there?” she asked, hesitant



Clem shook his head. “No, he’s out in the sewers taking care of some business.”



Buffy let out a sigh of relief, before furrowing her brow at Clem’s answer. “What business?”



Clem shrugged. “All he told me was that he wanted to take care of some demons that had started nesting there,” he paused, looking her in the eye. “He said he didn’t want you to have to deal with it.”



Buffy flushed, her heart accelerating at this piece of information. But she didn’t have time to analyze it. She still had to get Dawn to school and make it to work before she was late. “I-I’ll see you later, Clem. And thank you so much,” she said sincerely.



Clem smiled. “No problem,” Then his eyes lit up. “Oh, wait Buffy! I forgot I had to tell you something!”



Buffy tilted her head in question. “Yeah?”



Clem leaned in closer to the older Summers’ sister. “I’ve been hearing some gossip around the demon community and there’s going to be a huge fight-rave thing tonight.”



Buffy raised her eyebrows, obviously interested by this. Clem informed her of the details of the situation before they set off. Buffy sighed inwardly, not too excited about having to deal with another demon gang again.



“I’ll see you this afternoon?” Dawn piped up, a hopeful glint in her eye as she appraised the demon before her.



Clem ducked his head, bashful. “Can’t wait,” he mumbled happily. Buffy rolled her eyes good-naturedly and dragged her sister away from the lovesick demon.



***



Dawn and Buffy walked back, in the direction of Dawn’s school. The two girls were giggling and arguing about Dawn’s latest match made in heaven.



“You SO dig Clem!” said Buffy accusingly, pointing a mock-serious finger in her sister’s face. Her face crumbled into laughter when she saw the “deer in the headlights” expression that Dawn currently sported.



“Oh my God, you DO!” Buffy squealed, clutching her ribcage as she doubled over.



Dawn merely smiled softly at the sight of her sister laughing, so carefree in every way. She missed seeing Buffy like this. It was difficult to watch her sister work tirelessly to give Dawn a half-decent life. It was even more difficult when Buffy refused to talk to her about any of it. But, Dawn supposed maybe she didn’t want to know about the troubles of real life.



“He’s really sweet though.” Dawn tried her best to defend her latest crush.



Buffy only laughed harder. “Yeah, but it’s so weird. Clem and you,” she clarified.



Dawn knew her sister was only joking but couldn’t help but frown. “You mean like Spike and you?” she shot back, instantly regretting her thoughtless remark when Buffy’s face instantly hardened, her laughter dissolving along with the good spirit.



“There is no Spike and me,” she said quietly, so quietly that Dawn wondered if she had said anything at all.



The walk to school was made in stony silence and Dawn was forced to once again, accept her sister’s distance.



TBC

Chapter Four: Young Love
Later that afternoon, Dawn’s classes ended and she excitedly headed to her locker to collect her book bag and head to Clem’s. She couldn’t wait to see him again, already missing him since their morning rendezvous. She sighed dreamily as she imagined running her hands over his beautiful face. She had already memorized every feature, down to the last brownish black freckle he sported near his shoulder. She wondered idly where he was ticklish…



Maybe I’ll get to find out, she thought wickedly, and chuckled lightly at the prospect of being able to touch Clem.



She headed out of the school, her backpack a painful weight on her back and she winced as her textbooks poked out through the fabric and into her back. She headed down to Restfield, her hands sweaty as an effect of her nervousness.



Don’t be such a girl. Be sexy and confident like a real woman, she chided herself. She wanted to be like Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie who were the Queen Temptresses, in her opinion. She wished she could look like them, walk like them. She wished she had their grace and talent, their beauty. Maybe then Clem would desire her, like Spike lusted for Buffy.



Sighing in dismay, she pushed the thoughts aside and walked through the cemetery, arriving at Spike’s crypt with a smile on her face. Pushing open the door, she stepped inside the crypt and quietly shut it behind her.



“Clem?” she called out, her voice soft. Dumping her backpack near the door, she hung her arms at her sides, walking around the crypt in search of Clem.



“Right here, sugar!” Clem appeared from behind the sarcophagus. He appeared to have been looking for something and judging by the triumphant grin on his face, Dawn suspected he had succeeded. She watched with amusement as he popped a cheesy snack into his mouth.



“God, do you ever stop eating those?” She rolled her eyes good-naturedly, loving to tease him about his creepy obsession with Cheetos.



Clem laughed, the sound music to her ears.



Puts Beethoven and Bach to fricking shame, she thought.



Clem gestured her over. “Can you help me pick them up?”



Dawn narrowed her eyes quizzically and wandered over to where he was standing behind the sarcophagus and giggled when she saw that his attempt at opening the bag at ended with the Cheetos flying in every direction possible. She nodded eagerly and he beamed in response, and a comfortable silence enraptured them both as they picked up all the Cheetos and safely returned them into the bag.



Not looking where she was going, Dawn turned and collided straight into Clem, accidently shoving him onto his back. Acting out of pure instinct, his hand shot out and sought support, finding her arm and pulling her down with him.



She landed atop him with a loud “Oh!” and gasped when their fall was complete. Clem stared up at her with wide eyes and she found herself in a trance, unable to look away. Their bodies so close together, touching in a way that they had both desired during sleepless nights. Though one would assume it a petty crush, they felt the electricity between them. The understanding and the mutual acceptance. They could both relate to being close to someone, but not being able to *really* be close to them. Spike and Buffy were impenetrable, too difficult to pry open to the naked eye.



Then a slow, sly smile curled at his lips as he held out a hand in her direction, a Cheeto between his thumb and index finger.



“Want one?”



****



Buffy finished her shift at 8:00 and tiredly punched her card in, warily removing her stupid hat and replacing it on one of the employee hooks. Sighing as she made her way around the counter, she pulled on her leather jacket and headed out, ready to start patrol for a couple of hours. The night was going to be a long one. She had pulled almost two shifts, incredibly grateful when Marion had decided to show up to work to cover the last few hours of the second shift.



Buffy remembered where Clem had carefully instructed her to go and forced her aching feet to carry her there quickly so she could do her business and head home. No, wait. She had to go pick up Dawn and then she had to make some dinner and she still had to pay the bills…and, God, did it ever end? All the worry, the responsibility. It piled atop her and felt herself drowning, wistfully thinking of what it would be like to just submit, to just let go and allow the water to fill her lungs…to end her pain.



No, she had too much to live for.



Well, perhaps that was a lie. Maybe she didn’t have much to live for, but she had to stay strong, and prove to everyone that she could handle the pressure.



Buffy let out a pained breath as she made her way to the address Clem had provided and genuine surprise overtook her features when she saw where she was.



It was the Sunnydale Ice Cream Parlor.



What the hell? Demons are nesting here? God, they really must have too much time on their hands, Buffy thought.



She glanced up at the fluorescent pink lights that bore the company name and winced at the brightness. She had a headache and all she wanted to do was sleep.



Sighing wearily, she entered the parlor and a series of smells assaulted her. Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, praline, mocha. All sorts of sweet scents filled her to her core and she couldn’t help the small smile that spread across her face. It was so immature of her but she hadn’t been to a parlor in God knows how long and she yearned to experience the childlike joy of purchasing a cheap ice cream cone and just gobbling up its sweetness.



“Buffy?” The incredulous, British voice snapped her out of her thoughts as she slowly turned to see the one person she least expected.



Spike.



*****



TBC

Chapter Five: A Long Night



“What are you doing here?” he asked, dumbstruck. For once, he seemed genuinely at a loss as to why she could possibly be here. He thought she would be patrolling or at work. He had also heard from Clem that the Nibblet was staying over at his crypt from now on.



Buffy blinked. “I could ask you the same thing,” she shot back, evading the question. What were the chances of Spike being here…?



Spike grinned goofily. “Asked you first!”



Buffy rolled her eyes at his antics. “Five year old, much?”



Spike chuckled as he looked at her nervously. Awkward silence ensued again. “Well, Clem told me this was the best gambling spot in town. Supposedly.” Rolling his eyes, he indicated that Clem probably hadn’t told him the truth.



Buffy nodded slowly. “Well, he told me that there was some demon rave happening here and that major slayage was needed.”



A troublesome frown marred Spike’s featured and Buffy wanted nothing more than to soothe the worry out of his face. “Did he set us up?” he wondered aloud.



Buffy blinked, not having reached that conclusion yet. Startled, she found herself nodding. “I think so,” she said slowly.



Spike turned his beautiful blue eyes on her and smiled shyly. “Well,” he began nervously. “He did tell me that whatever happened, I should order cookie dough ice cream. Any ideas…?”



Buffy couldn’t control the happy squeal that erupted out of her mouth. Embarrassed, she blushed as he smiled softly at her. “That’s my favorite ice cream flavor, ever,” she explained meekly.




Grinning at her, he nodded. “One cookie dough cone it is.”



Buffy smiled back tentatively, and watched as he turned around to place the order. While he got the ice cream, she glanced around at the near-empty parlor. With the exception of an old married couple giggling helplessly as they fed each other ice cream, she and Spike were alone. She smiled affectionately as she watched the couple in their love-induced haze, and forced herself to look away to find a table. Finding a booth in the back of the parlor, she plopped down on the candy apple red leather and kicked her legs like a little girl waiting excitedly for her ice cream.



Spike returned shortly with two cones, one her treasured cookie dough, and his chocolate. She smiled shyly as she accepted the cone from him.



“Thanks,” she said quietly. “No guy has ever bought me ice cream before.”



Spike looked bashful, as he suddenly decided the black tint of his nail polish was really quite interesting. “You’re welcome, luv. Whatever makes you happy,” he said the last part with love and devotion, sincerity drenching them.



Her tongue darted out to taste the sugary sweetness of the ice cream and for the first time, Spike did not feel lust overcome him. Instead, he found an affectionate fondness and love for the happiness he had brought this woman. He was finally beginning to see what separated lust from love. The old lustful Spike would have dwelled on that sinuous tongue, only focused on what pleasure it could bring. The new Spike could see through that, and appreciate the utter joy of making her happy.



Sighing contentedly, they both licked away at their ice cream in an enjoyable silence. For the first time in a long time, Buffy felt nothing but relaxed. She felt at ease, safe. She didn’t feel the pressure and stress she felt when she was with Willow and Xander. She didn’t feel the overwhelming guilt she felt with Dawn. She didn’t feel the constant struggle to gain Giles’ approval. She simply felt. The torrent of emotions that bubbled inside her were all of the good. These emotions were happiness, joy, excitement. She hadn’t felt that in a long time.



Thinking back, Buffy realized that despite her love for Angel, their relationship hadn’t exactly been very lively. He never made her laugh, only worry and cry. He only made her smile when he did things intentionally and that was rare. Spike on the other hand did things that were absentminded, things he did out of his nature. Whether they were chivalrous gestures like holding a door for her or helping put her jacket on, or affectionate gestures like pulling her hair away from her face or making her hot chocolate on nights when she wore socks to bed. They were sweet and unmistakably Spike. His essence had intertwined with hers and she found herself intensely missing his presence, not just his body.



Buffy had long ago realized that her relationship with Spike was most certainly no longer based on lust and had already been guaranteed that the feelings were mutual. She sighed with contentment as she walked him eagerly eat his chocolate ice cream, his beautiful tongue enveloping the sinuous flavors with passion. She swallowed hard, turning back to her own ice cream as she fought to control her body’s desires. She knew that it was disgusting and perverse to get turned on my Spike eating ice cream but really, when his tongue licked like that, it was difficult to forget all the other things he did with it…



“So, how have you been?” Spike’s soft-spoken question broke the silence. He wasn’t looking at her, instead staring across at his ice cream cone.



Buffy shrugged, biting into the delicious cone and loving the combined sweetness of the ice cream and the cone. “Been better,” she joked, giving him a strained smile.

He nodded stiffly in response. Sighing, she set her cone down onto the table and ran a shaky hand through her blonde locks.



“What about you?” she asked tentatively, folding her arms over her chest as she studied him.



A small smile graced his features and she was breathless again. “Been better.” Winking, he finished the last bits of his cone and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.



Giggling, she smiled shyly. “You’re really not as much of a pain in the ass as you used to be,” she admitted, playing with the edge of her t-shirt as she returned to eating the last of her ice cream.



He snorted, a mock-offended expression in place. “Well, that’s a great compliment,” he retorted sarcastically.



She chuckled. “Don’t worry,” she soothed. “It’s probably the best one you’ll ever get.”



He tilted his head, a soft, loving expression on his face. “When it’s from you, it’s always the best.”



Ducking her head, she felt her insides melting at his gentlemanly behavior and incredibly sweet company. Maybe tonight wasn’t going to be so bad after all…


Checking her watch, Buffy saw it was only 8:50, figuring she would pick up Dawn later at midnight since she still had patrol.



That gave her about two hours to make the best of this time. Little did she know, these two hours would forever change her life.



*****



TBC

Chapter Six: Surprises



“It’s your birthday today?!” Dawn screeched, her obvious distress at this information evident.



Clem smiled sheepishly. “I don’t care much for birthdays,” he said and shrugged, but deep inside, he was secretly enjoying how much of a big fuss she was making.



Dawn rolled her beautiful chocolate brown eyes and her full, nude-colored lips formed a pout. “Get dressed and let’s go.”



Clem looked taken aback, puzzled at this order. He watched with confused eyes as she stood up and gathered her purse, pulling on her sneakers as she waited impatiently by the door. “Well?” Dawn looked expectantly at him.



“Where are we going?” Clem asked, clearly lost.



Dawn giggled and Clem was lost in the sound. “No questions. It’s a surprise but I just know you’re gonna like it!” Tugging on his hand and shivering at the contact, she led him outside as she set out to buy him a birthday gift.



**Ten Minutes Later**



Clem was more confused than the time that Zorax demon had attacked him in Arizona, when he had been living with Frank Zaloosky, the carpenter from Serbia. Apparently, the Zorax had been a death collector when you didn’t pay the demon community their taxes but as far as Clem was concerned, the demon community had no taxes and as it turned out, Zorax had been in the wrong dimension, the whole time.


But nonetheless, Clem was confused.



Dawn had refused to say a word to him, willing him to be patient as she led them to their destination. He couldn’t help but dwell on the feel of her baby soft skin touching his and decided that as long as he was with her, he didn’t mind where they went.



Finally, they came to a halt and Clem glanced up, genuinely surprised by what he saw.



Sunnydale Pet Store.



“I’m gonna buy you a kitten!”



****



“He’s so cute,” Dawn cooed softly, trailing her hand lightly overtop of the kitten’s neck. His fur was a fluffy white with a tint of beige and Dawn had fallen in love with him at the first sight.



Clem couldn’t help but agree as he stared into the eyes of the kitten.



She’s a beauty, isn’t she? Clem thought, prideful.



The cat meowed in response and Clem instantly fell in love with him.



They were back at Spike’s crypt, and Clem had been incredibly touched by the romantic gesture that Dawn had made. It was so kind of her. Despite Spike’s obvious chaos, he hadn’t even wished him a happy birthday. Then again, he hadn’t told Spike. As Clem thought of Spike, he wondered if their meet-up had gone okay or if things had erupted once more. He had remembered one of his demon mothers telling him that ice cream was the way to a girl’s heart. Just make sure you order her favorite and things should go a-okay. Clem had remembered back in December when Buffy had invited him over for Christmas dinner, her obvious joy at Dawn’s thoughtful purchase of cookie dough ice cream. He supposed things couldn’t be going that bad. Turning his attention back to the dark-haired beauty kneeled next to him on the ground, he smiled softly.



Maybe love wasn’t such a bad thing after all.



****



Said pawns of Clem’s cunning plan were giggling hysterically over the soft serve’s system dysfunction. Watching with amusement, the cashier slipped noisily onto the ground with a resounding thud, as the ice cream made the floors irresistibly slippery.



“Oh my God!” Buffy laughed, tears streaming down her face and immediately adopting an angelic expression when the cashier shot her a dirty look.



Spike laughed with her, enjoying the carefree way she was being with him. With him. The thought made him giddy inside and with the offered crumb held out once more by his goddess, he took it eagerly and savored the feel of it. He was finally breaking down the walls in which she refused to leave.



And all it had taken was ice cream. Not profound, heart-shattering declarations of love and devotion or brutal, desperate sex. Not long, tiring and relatively tense nights out patrolling.



Ice cream.



Buffy’s voice broke through his bewildered state. “Good thing I didn’t apply for a job here, huh?” She giggled, her desperate attempts at calming down failing miserably.



At this, Spike’s laughter escalated. “Buffy the Ice Cream Slayer!” He grinned.



Buffy rolled her eyes and playfully smacked his shoulder over the table. “Loser.” She batted innocent eyelashes at his mock-offended expression.



Eventually their laughter subsided, with the help of a threat to being kicked out of the parlor from a very huffy cashier, and this time, the silence was no longer comfortable. The inevitable “talk” hung heavy in the silence, ready to spring.



“Buffy,” he said reverently, looking up to stare into her beautiful eyes. She shivered at his use of her given name, relishing in the love pouring through the single word. She wished she could just say “to hell with it” and just be with him, but real life was more complicated and fucked up than that. She knew that she had to start growing up and facing her problems instead of running away from them. It wasn’t fair to Spike, it wasn’t fair to Dawn, her “friends” and it wasn’t fair to her. In the end, everyone she knew suffered and she didn’t want that.



Sighing, she leaned her cheek heavily onto her palm and stared back at him with a tired expression. “We need to talk?” she asked, her voice small.



Spike nodded, pursing his lips. “We do.” He said tightly, fidgeting with the sleeves of his duster.



Buffy sighed again. “Can we play twenty questions? Make it easier to get through this?”



Spike smiled a little. “Whatever helps you best, luv,” he said lovingly, nodding. She loved how he was so willing to appease her, making everything better for her. It broke her heart that she had done nothing to return the sentiments, instead making everything harder.



She closed her eyes for a second, feeling his gaze still on her face before she opened them with a deep breath. “Okay, ask me whatever you want and I’ll try my best to answer.” A determined expression on her face, she folded her hands neatly in her lap and braced herself for the hard questions to come. Glancing briefly at her wristwatch, she saw it was only 9:30. This meant lots of questions. Lots of hurt and revelations.



Spike nodded, running a hand through his already disheveled platinum locks. He then met her gaze and sucked in a deep breath, the sharp lines of his cheekbones accentuated by the motion. “Do you think we have something more than sex, Buffy?” he asked, needing to know that if they could get any farther in their relationship, he had to know if she thought they could first.



Buffy nodded. “I do.”



Spike sighed inwardly with relief but kept his face calm. He didn’t want to confuse her with his insecurities. Right now, she needed to get this out and his questions were the only way. He just needed to ask the right questions.



“Why do you deny what we have then? Why do you come to me in the first place?” His eyes were pained as he pleaded with her to give him the answers he wanted.



Buffy lowered her eyes in shame and took a deep breath. “I’ll answer your second question first,” she whispered.



Hanging her head in shame, she began:



“When I died Spike, I was in a place that…that was so good and peaceful. Ever since I was called, everything has come down to me being the Slayer and my destiny. You know, ‘because every Slayer has a death wish,” she paused, as she watched the guilty look flash across his features as she used his words against him.



“But.” She raised her brows, willing him to be silent when he tried to interrupt. “I’m not done yet.”



“I come to you because you make me feel, Spike. Not just feel good in that way,” she rushed to explain, flushing pink at the implications of the statement. “You make me feel like just Buffy. Like I’m special, but not just because I’m the Slayer. You make me feel more alive than I have in six years.”



Stunned by this, Spike continued to listen to her with a wide-eyed expression.



“When I was in Heaven, I saw my Mom, Spike,” her voice cracked at “mom” and he resisted the urge to comfort her. She needed to get this out without any contact, physical or emotional. Right now, any judgment, good or bad, was going to close her off again. She didn’t need criticism or sympathy. She needed someone to just listen for the sake of listening.



“And all I thought was: there was only two people in the world who ever saw me as Buffy. Her and y-you. And then I felt so guilty, so remorseful for the way I treated you. I h-hated myself s-so much and I knew I deserved every bit of it,” Buffy forced her tears back.



“You make me feel like a woman, Spike,” she whispered, staring up at him with a femininely longing expression. Not a lustful one, but one of pride. For him. “For six years I had been used to feeling like nothing but a beneficial byproduct of the supernatural world,” she said, bitterness lacing her tone and causing Spike to wince.



Spike’s eyes filled with distress at this revelation. “Buffy, luv-.”



“Wait, Spike,” she said gently, cutting him off. “I felt like that. Like I was just there, convenient to everyone who needed me. Hell, when I was dead, they still needed their protector there. They could never take care of themselves and they made me pick up the slack. Then you came along, and told me you loved me and then I freaked because I wasn’t used to it. Even my own sister saw me as Slayer first, Buffy later. My own sister, Spike,” Buffy said, her heartbroken tone causing Spike’s own heart to break.




“I wasn’t used to being loved the way you loved me. I wasn’t ready for it. I was used to being in the background, there when everyone needed me. So, I tried to push you away as far as I could, however I could. I said the meanest, most cruel things to you that I never, ever meant,” she said vehemently, trying to convince him. “Just so you would keep away and let me be miserable. I didn’t hate you. I never did. I hated myself.



And so, to answer your first question, I denied you because I was terrified. I was terrified of you. I was more terrified than I had ever been at anything. More terrified than when I learned I had been Called, more terrified than the time Giles got kidnapped by Angel, more than when Mom died, when Dawn almost died. More than all of that. I should feel terrible for saying it, but I don’t. I was scared. I wanted it so much but you pushed and pushed and I wasn’t ready for all the things you insisted I should say. I’m so sorry, Spike!” She was sobbing now, her head in her hands as she cried out her anguish. The mighty Slayer that had once been oh-so cold and confident had now been reduced to a weeping girl. A girl.



Because that’s what she had always been. Just a girl.


TBC

Chapter Seven: Insecure



Dawn had hurried out to the pet shop to buy some food before it closed. He had trusted her to go out alone, equipping her with a “safe” spell of sorts, three stakes and holy water. It was rapidly approaching ten o’clock and Clem wondered idly where Spike was, before a huge grin overcame his features.



Things must be going smoothly if he hasn’t barged in yet, piss drunk like there’s no tomorrow, Clem thought cheerfully.



Then, his smile faltered as he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the broken glass of the cup that their kitty cat had so proudly destroyed. He winced as he ran a hand down the side of his demonic visage.



A beautiful girl like Dawn would never fall in love with me, he thought miserably. I’m so ugly and she’s so…so unbelievably beautiful. Words can’t describe how her appearance makes me feel. Her presence makes me feel unworthy of her and I doubt my own looks are going to cut it.



Noting that he had a full twenty minutes before she returned, he turned curiously to the book shelf that Spike had placed near the sarcophagus. Eyeing it with a mischievous smile on his face, he lumbered over and peered at the numerous books which filled the shelves fittingly. A soft smile graced his features as he pictured Spike seated on the chair, reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose as he indulged himself in…Kama Sutra?



Clem turned bright red as his eyes briefly scanned the spines, the name grabbing his attention. Preferring not to question Spike about it later, his eyes rested on one book in particular.



Basic Spells for Your Standard Dummy.



Bingo, he thought delightedly. Pulling the heavy, ancient book off the shelf, he seated himself comfortably on the sarcophagus before cracking open the book. A cloud of dust immediately erupted and he sneezed.



God, does Spike even read these books? Clem thought disapprovingly. Really, the guy needed a hobby other than cigarettes and Buffy.



He flipped to the table of contents and located the chapter which was entitled “Transforming Physical Properties”. He found the chapter and flicked the pages impatiently, finally satisfied when one page read “Demonic Properties to Human Properties”.



Tired of your demonic appearance keeping you from attracting a mate? Try these spells to become good looking without running the risk of affecting your abilities. These spells will not only enhance your physical appeal, they will also strengthen your incredibly low self-esteem! Transforming Physical Properties is a chapter that will enlighten you, in more senses than just one, and will open doors to possibilities you couldn’t even have imagined!



“Don’t you think I’m ugly? I mean really, have you ever watched one of those teen movies that just scream “Nerds don’t fit!”?” Clem asked the cat, not really expecting a response. All he received was a mewl and he sighed disdainfully.



“I mean, what’s so special about looking gorgeous, right? I mean, except for the whole, “I’m sexy, come mate with me!’ there really are no advantages to being hot.



“I totally agree. Really, appearances shouldn’t be everything right? Then again,” he shot the kitten a jealous look. “Everyone falls in love with you so you wouldn’t know.”



“What are you doing?”



Clem’s head shot up when he heard the familiar voice that penetrated his intense focus on the page’s contents and his conversation with the kitten. His eyes landed on the owner of the gorgeous voice. Dawn stood in the doorway, a bag in her hand which she dropped carelessly to the floor as she made her way over to him. He hurriedly closed the book, accidently closing it on his thumb and yelping in a surprise of pain.



Dawn was there in a flash, pulling the book from him, unconcerned about his thumb and more concerned about why he was reading a book about the magicks. Ever since Willow’s resurrection of Buffy, she had chosen to hate magic with a fierce passion. They held no place in the human world and if Willow wanted to continue with them, she should do it in the supernatural world where they belonged.



Her eyes widened when she saw what Clem had been reading, turning regretful eyes on him as she scanned the page quickly and closed it quietly.



“I’m sorry you think you’re ugly,” she said softly. Her eyes on the ground, she refused to look at him until he responded her.



“I just thought, maybe if I was nicer looking…” Clem’s voice trailed off uncertainly when Dawn raised sultry, bedroom eyes to meet his eyes. He swallowed hard at her lustful expression.



“Nicer looking?” She stepped closer, close enough to feel his warm breath on her lips. Moaning audibly, she shoved him down on the sarcophagus, her sexual frustrations about Clem finally taking their toll. She needed him now.



“I’d say you were pretty damn hot enough for me,” she whispered seductively, jumping atop him to straddle his waist. She grinned down at him when she felt a hard poke in her thighs. The heat between them was now electrified, and Dawn relished the sensation of his body beneath hers. The physical contact made her shudder inwardly, the inevitable pleasure that would ensue from their coupling was almost too much for her to handle. She found herself tumbling in a sea of possibility as she stared deeply into his eyes, her own becoming sultry and bedroom-like. She ran her hands over his rocky chest, her touch causing him to shiver with desire as he returned her expression with one of lust.



She leaned down close, so close that he could feel her breath on his lips as she said the words that did him in, that finally allowed himself to be one with Dawn Summers, the beautiful younger sister of the Slayer. Finally, Clem would see a happy ending of his own, for his existence had been lonely.



“Ready to feel feel how hot I think you are?”



*****



TBC

Chapter Eight: True Confessions



Sated and spent, they laid side by side on the sarcophagus, Dawn’s naked leg flung possessively over Clem’s torso. His hand was splayed against her waist and he sighed in contentment. She seriously loved this demon for all he was worth.



“So,” Dawn said softly, her feminine, innocent voice belying the darkness that hung around them. “Did I show you how hot you were?”



Giggling as he flipped them over and went inside of her again, his goofy grin assured her that all was good in the world.



****



Back at the ice cream parlor, more serious things were being said and more tears were being shed. Spike had moved out of his seat to sit next to Buffy as she cried, her emotions finally allowing themselves to be shown and seen. Her confessions to him had been earth shattering, to say the least, and he couldn’t help but be touched by what she had said.



*You made me feel just like Buffy. You make me feel like a woman. I was terrified of you.*



He felt his own heart break at her heartache and for once, set aside his own yearnings for her reciprocated love and focused on her solely. He realized that throughout their relationship, despite how much he had always thought he had put her first and her feelings first, he hadn’t. When it came down to it, he had always forced his emotions on her and made her feel worthless when she never returned it. Never actually paid attention to her, what she thought and what she felt. In the end, they had both played a part in what had become today’s events.



Finally, Buffy’s cries subsided and Spike glanced around to see the cashier sitting behind the counter, reading a novel as the store’s only occupants engaged in what appeared to be intimate talk.



“Next question?” Buffy said, her voice hoarse and soft after crying so much.



Spike smiled down at her for a bit, before it faded with his question. “Why do you care so much about what your friends say?”



Buffy winced at this and gently pushed him away as she shoved herself farther into the booth so she could look at him properly. Wrapping her arms protectively around herself, she sighed. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I really don’t. I think I’m just so used to it, not having anyone challenge it,” she threw him a weak but playfully pointed look at which he chuckled wryly. “And I wasn’t sure how to react. When you came along and started forcing me to confront my feelings instead of running away from them, I suppose that’s when I saw the truth about my friends and I didn’t want to believe it. For six years, they’re all I’ve ever know and I didn’t know what to do. I mean, it’s like a safety blanket. Having them around made me feel protected in a way, like things were still somewhat normal and sane. I hadn’t completely crossed over to the darkness.



That doesn’t mean the choices I made were justified,” she amended quickly, assuring him. “But they were misled, definitely.”



“That still only answers half the question luv,” Spike teased, his voice gentle and soothing, encouraging her to talk at her own pace though his inner demon was bursting with anger at what her answer had implied. Did that mean that being with him meant she had? He had hoped he would be the light in her life, but he supposed that wasn’t so.



She sighed again, twirling a strand of blonde hair between her fingers. She glanced at her watch again: 10:00. They still had plenty of time; funnily enough, there didn’t seem to be enough of it either.



“Because like I said, they’re all I’ve ever known. They’re there. Not in the emotional, real way friends are supposed to be, not like you are,” she paused. “But they were just there. People I could supposedly rely on. People who kept me grounded in such a way that they were dominating my life. I cared about what they said because if I lost them, I wasn’t sure if Dawn and you were enough.”



His wounded, hurt expression killed her and she rushed to explain. “I know you are now,” she said softly. “I refused to believe it before. But I know that know.”



He offered a weak smile. “So is that it then? The big talk?” His attempt for light conversation caused her to giggle, a sound that brought a half-relieved, half-tired expression to his face. He wasn’t sure what to think of what she had said; all those times they had been having sex, had she really felt that insecure about what he could offer her? He knew it was wrong, what he had done. He couldn’t really blame her for thinking that he wasn’t enough; all he seemed to tell her was that he loved her, all the while after raw sex that clearly didn’t portray his heartfelt love. He was to blame, he did have to admit, for had he been more forceful, a better partner in whatever it was they had, perhaps she wouldn’t have had to bottle her feelings thus far.



“I suppose. If it’s enough for you,” she said, her eyes wide with insecurity.



He nodded. “It is. More than enough.”



She then hung her head again, a thought occurring in her mind. “And I owe you a million apologies that I was too self-righteous to give. Our relationship,” she rolled her eyes at the poor choice of word, “Was always about me being on the receiving end, you apologizing and making me feel better when I never returned it. So I want to apologize for everything I have ever done to you.



“I’m so sorry, Spike.”



Spike’s eyes filled with tears and he fought to keep them in check even as they leaked out of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. And then, to add to the emotional overload, she said it. The words that totally shocked him.



“I love you, William.”




TBC

Chapter Nine: Love



As they approached the crypt in Restfield, Spike and Buffy couldn’t control the bashful, shy glances they gave each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Both hadn’t felt happier in a long time and relished in the feel of it.



“So are you going to tell your buddies about us?” Spike’s voice cut through the silence as they reached the crypt door.



Buffy turned to him with a soft smile. “Yeah. And then I’m gonna tell them to fuck off or else my cute, vampire boyfriend is going to eat them!”



Laughing, his face turned bright pink. “I’m your boyfriend?” he asked, his voice filling with manly pride.



She rolled her eyes and looked up at the sky. “Didn’t you Gods bless this idiot with a brain?” She giggled, punching him playfully on his shoulder as he gave her a mock-insulted expression.



Opening the door to his crypt, they were shocked into utter silence when they were greeted with breathy moans and loud grunts.



The unmistakable sounds of sex.
Buffy and Spike glanced uneasily at each other before quietly closing the door and tiptoeing to the sarcophagus. What they saw made Spike’s eyes widen impossibly and Buffy scream out in surprise, her jaw wide open.



“Oh my God!”



“Holy bleedin’ hell!”



*****



Dawn glanced up at the two with an equally mortified expression, hastily climbing off the sarcophagus and pulling on her clothes in an effort to cover up her nudity, Clem following suit.



“Uh, hey guys!” she said meekly.



“D-Dawn,” Buffy stuttered, her brain going into shock.



There was heavy silence for about a split second before Spike shouted: “Why the *fuck* is a kitten in my crypt!”



It was so random and startling, no one had time to stop Spike before he lunged for the bag of fleas and went into game face, prepared to dispose of the mangy animal. The situation regarding Dawn and Clem was momentarily forgotten.



“NO!” Two equally horrified voices stopped him before he could drain the cat.



“Don’t kill Sugarlumps!” Clem’s overly protective voice caused Spike to look up at him. He considered this for a moment before dropping the cat and bursting into hysterical laughter, Buffy doing the same.



“S-sugarlumps?” He was breathless, tears streaming down his face.



Clem pouted and Dawn patted his arm affectionately, which instantly caused the laughter to subside.



“Dawn,” Buffy said with a firm expression on her face. “You’re too young! I can’t even believe I’m talking to my little sister about this. It’s completely mortifying!”



“I’m eighteen, Buffy,” Dawn reminded her gently.



Buffy threw her hands up in defeat. “Just don’t do anything while I’m in the house,” she growled. Though Buffy knew that technically, she should be more protective and aggressive, Dawn did indeed have a point. Her sister was an adult now, and what she chose to do with her personal life was no longer Buffy’s business. Although she knew Dawn appreciated her opinion and help, it was time to let Dawn life her own life. She supposed this was the first step in doing that, learning to relinquish her control of Dawn’s life and simply allow Dawn to make her own decisions, even if they were completely beyond Buffy’s understanding. Despite her friendship with Clem, Buffy couldn’t even begin to understand what Dawn saw in him otherwise. She figured some things were better left unsaid and that the greatest mysteries of life were most likely found in Sunnydale, California.



Spike, who didn’t even want to deal with the turn of events that evening simply shuffled back to his chair and plopped down, exhausted. Buffy watched this, remembering how she would leave him in his lonely misery while she went back home to “enjoy” the company of her friends after just physically abusing the most beautiful man you could ever imagine.



Before she said what she was going to say to Spike, she turned to Clem with a touched expression when it hit her. “Thank you, Clem. For what you did. It was the nicest, most awesome thing anyone has ever done for me.”



Clem blushed and toed the carpet uncomfortably when even Spike shared his sentiments.



“As long as you two lovebirds are happy,” he grinned goofily, happiness bursting in his heart as he saw his plans had truly succeeded.



Then Buffy turned to Spike with a soft expression.



“Spike, come home with us. You can sleep with me in my room,” Before she could form the words differently, they were out of her mouth with a mortified blush. “I mean, not sleep with me like but the bed is big enough…” She trailed off uncertainly and Spike looked at her with a touched expression.



“I’d like that, kitten,” he said softly, rising from his seat on the chair and heading for the door. Dawn, Clem and Buffy followed and they all headed home, in love and completely and utterly happy. Until tomorrow, when Buffy had to deal with Willow, Xander and Giles.



****



Dawn had retired to her room and Clem had gratefully taken the couch, the excursion of his *ahem* activities having worn him out. He immediately fell asleep and Buffy and Spike found themselves both awake, lying in her bed at midnight with equally loving expressions on their faces.



“Spike?” she whispered. They were spooning on the bed so she couldn’t read his expression, couldn’t gauge what he was feeling right now.



“Yeah, luv?” His voice was low and husky.
“Can I make *you* feel tonight?”



The question was so innocently said, so quiet and soft-spoken that Spike rolled away so Buffy could roll over to face him with pleading eyes.



“You don’t have to do anything, Buffy,” Spike said seriously, lying on his side and reaching out with his right hand to brush a lock of blonde hair away from her beautiful face.



She nodded and his heart dropped in disappointment. “You’re right,” she whispered, rising to straddle his waist. “But I want to.”



Slowly pulling off his shirt and pants, she admired his body with loving eyes and soft caresses. Every time they had had sex, it had been rough and brutal, all about satisfying her. She could even remember the occasional time when she had left without getting him off too and it hurt her to think that she could deny this beautiful person any pleasure. She knew that despite the fact that they (had) never made love, he had always had it memorized from their “first time” where she liked to be touched, how she like (liked) to be held, when she wanted to kissed. She had never paid attention to that, only indulging in his body, not the man within.



Well, tonight was her chance to show him just how beautiful and special he really was.



“Close your eyes, love. I’m going to make you feel so good,” she whispered, watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard and closed his eyes slowly.



She leaned down to shower light kisses along his shoulders, listening for when the moans sounded the loudest and kissed those areas the most, knowing they brought him the most pleasure. She moved down to his nipples and her tongue cherished them, swirling around to keep the sensation flowing as she whispered sweet nothings to him. That was another thing; whether he was coming or he was just pleasuring her, he was always saying the sweetest things, even through his dirty talk. He always made sure she knew he loved her and she was determined to return the favor.



With his nipple encased by her sinuous tongue, she whispered these words of love and comfort. “You’re so beautiful, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, my love,” and “I love you, sweet William” seemed to make him the happiest as she brought her soft lips down to his ribcage and stroked it with delicate hands, reveling in the sensuous, labored breathing he had now been reduced to.



She unconsciously remembered that the spot between where his shoulder ended and started was a pleasurable point and that his nipples were extremely sensitive, especially if you bit just lightly enough to soothe the pain with a loving tongue.



By the end of the sweetest lovemaking they had both ever experienced, the trust, passion and love they held for each other escalated to a point where even the highest gods couldn’t compete.


TBC

Chapter Ten: New Beginnings



Willow, Xander, Tara, Anya and Giles each stepped into the Summers’ household, their mindless chatter stopping cold when the sight in the living room met their eyes.



Dawn. Clem. Spike. Buffy. Playing Halo. On a fucking X-Box 360.



What. The. *Fuck*.



They watched as the two couples- two?! -bantered shamelessly throughout their game play, expressions of silly joy on their faces as they virtually battled each other.



“You’re so going down!” Buffy giggled as her fingers struggled to keep up with the game’s fast pace. It was curious that she, the Slayer, could never seem to win a damn video game. Up until last night, life had been too much of a game and she was surprised she didn’t know how to play them all now. Hers was possibly the hardest; surely the creators of Halo didn’t think they could defeat her in that sense?



Spike laughed, elbowing her in the ribs and causing her to lose her focus as she was then hit mercilessly by Dawn, who cheered loudly at her defeat. Her dead, virtual character’s blood filled the screen and she growled at Spike with a playful grin on her face.



“Jerk,” she said affectionately.



“Don’t you know it.” He winked at her momentarily, before returning his attention back to the game.



“Gross!” Dawn teased them.



Clem laughed with her. “I think they’re trying to get even from what happened yesterday.”



Blushing bright red, Dawn fixed her eyes on the TV as she continued to dominate the winner’s spot for the game, determined to not let Spike or Clem win.



It was then that Buffy noticed they had an audience. A few days ago, Spike would have heavily doubted if Buffy would defend him as she said she would but now, he had absolutely none. Not after the events of last night.



Buffy stood up and Spike, Clem and Dawn followed suit hesitantly. The four faced off against the other three outsiders with cold stares, with the exception of Tara and Anya who had quietly backed away from their respective partners, onto the sidelines where safety was relatively guaranteed.



“Oh. You guys are here,” Buffy said, willing herself to sound as bored and dull as she possibly could.



Her three friends blinked. Then Xander spoke, which was never a good thing. “What the heck are you doing, Buffster?” he asked, his voice low with deadly intent as they glued themselves nastily on Buffy.



Buffy flipped her hair over her shoulder and exposed the claim mark haughtily. Her friends’ jaws dropped. “I feel I have better things to do nowadays. Like claims during sex.” She grinned. “*Great* orgasms!” She winked teasingly at Anya who grinned back encouragingly. Well, at least she knew where *they* stood in this fight.



Xander’s jaw dropped, Willow turned as red as her ugly colored hair and Giles simply gaped.



“You should add that to your textbooks, Giles,” Buffy suggested, her obvious casualness of the situation enraging the four.



“She must be under a thrall,” Willow muttered, turning to Giles for confirmation. He nodded agreeably and stared at Buffy with fearful eyes, his eyes occasionally straying to the marks on her neck.



Then Buffy stopped them cold with the deadly killer voice she took over. “I’m not gonna make some big speech about how you’ve dictated my life and made me miserable. It would never make it through your thick skulls. But I’m fucking sick of your bullshit and the way you think you can just waltz around like you own me. So I’m just gonna say one thing and one thing only. And if you don’t listen to me, I think I’ll let my inner Slayer side out for a bit of fun. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House,” Her deadly tone then became overly cheerfully as she finished, “So I can fuck Spike as much as I want and make love to him like there’s no tomorrow!”



Anya cheered loudly at this and Buffy threw a grin at her before settling with a cold expression for the three people standing unwelcome in her home. They stared at her, openmouthed before Xander spoke. Again, a bad idea.



“We’re sick of trying to help you anyways. We’re so outta here! You’ll find us in Cleveland when you need us to rescue you from him!” With that, Xander stormed out and his “posse” followed suit with glowering looks at Buffy. She returned them with bright smiles and encouraging waves.



“Remind me not to go to Cleveland if I ever want to keep those IQ points of mine,” she said loudly enough for them to hear before slamming the door shut and turning to her friends and her love with a wide smile.



“Well, that went well!” Anya grinned.



Buffy turned to them with a strained expression. “I’m sorry you had to listen to that. You can go after them.” She was about to open the front door before Tara’s soft voice halted her actions.



“Don’t. We’re your friends, Buffy, not theirs. We won’t judge you and we’re more than sorry for letting it go on like it did. We were wrong to do what we did and Anya and I know that now.”



Buffy’s eyes watered as she stepped forward to hug them and in that moment, she had never felt better. She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she could almost scream with joy at the wondrous feeling that overtook her mind, body and soul. She no longer had to worry about having people who loved her going away; the people who hadn’t really shown signs of true loyalty to Buffy had indeed shown their true sides, and were currently enveloping her in a warm hug.



And for some startling moment, when she glanced at Spike through her hug and their eyes locked in a passionate hold, blue against green, she wondered if even Heaven could compete with the happiness she felt now.



She didn’t think so.



The End