~prologue - somewhere in LA~


Taking a deep breath, the blond man pulled the thick, red curtain aside, revealing the door hidden behind it. Fumbling with the key for a moment, he finally managed to unlock it and slipped inside. Quietly making his way downstairs, he stopped in front of another, much larger door at the bottom of the stairs.

He put his ear to the door, trying to hear any sounds coming from the other side, although he already knew it was pointless. Down here in the basement, they were not playing by his rules because no rules of the living meant anything in Hell. He had learned that lesson the hard way.

The large stone door wouldn’t budge no matter how hard he pushed it. It too was locked. Only this door didn’t have a key hole. He put his sweaty palm against the cold surface of the stone, closing his eyes for a moment. “I’m here. Let me in.”

As if hit by an invisible force, the door silently swung open, and he found himself stepping through, although every fibre in his body was screaming at him to run. Of course, he never did. How could he? It wasn’t like he had any say in the matter.

Stopping in the middle of the dark, seemingly empty room, he kept his eyes on the floor resisting the urge to look around. He didn’t jump when he felt its presence behind him; he had been expecting it. It was always the same. The room was always empty when he entered, and still, it would always approach him from behind, without making a sound.

He still wasn’t sure if it had the ability to materialize out of thin air, or if it simply walked through the walls. It had never occurred to him to ask, but then again, he supposed it didn’t really matter. What mattered was the fact that he was no longer alone in the room. He slowly turned around.

The thing standing in front of him may look like a man, but he wasn’t fooled by its appearance. He swallowed. “You wanted to see me?”

It nodded, its black eyes shifting into red as it spoke in a low, guttural voice. “Morou needs new toy.” It was not a request; it was a demand. The blond man had never figured out why the creature kept referring to himself in the third person, and he found it creepy.

The fact that the room was dark was a relief, since the man didn’t want to see the blood covering the walls and the floor. “What happened to the last one?” He realized he was in no position to ask any questions, but he just couldn’t help himself.

“Broken.” Morou stepped aside, revealing a pile of dust on the floor, a blood-soaked piece of fabric of some kind, and a small, white object that looked suspiciously like a fang. The blond had to struggle to keep from vomiting, suddenly aware of the sickening smell of burnt flesh. “Need new toy,” it repeated, firmly.

“But...” He cast a glance over his shoulder, knowing that he had to return to bed before Andrea woke up and realized he was gone. Or was her name Amanda? Angela? He shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts. But he still couldn’t remember. “It’s two o clock in the morning.”

“Morou must rest now.” The creature completely ignored his statement. “You have twelve hours.” Before he got the chance to object, it disappeared back into the shadows and he was once again alone. For a moment, he considered picking up the tooth, using his power to find out what had really happened. But he quickly decided against it, knowing he was not allowed to use his gift just to still his curiosity.

And besides, some things were better off not being known.


~ ~ ~


Quickly running a brush through her long hair, Buffy grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. Just as she was about to leave the hotel room that had been her home for the last two weeks, there was a knock on the door. She opened it and held back a sigh when she saw who was on the other side. “Angel?”

“Hi, Buffy.” The dark-haired vampire hesitated for a moment. “Just stopped by to remind you of the meeting.” Seeing how she opened her mouth, he quickly went on; “I know you said you’d be there, but I just thought...” He stopped as he spotted the large bouquet of red roses in the vase on the night stand, and his eyes darkened. “Nice. Mind telling me who...?” His voice trailed off as he saw the look on her face.

Ignoring his comment, Buffy stepped past him into the hallway. “Let’s go. Don’t wanna keep the others waiting.” Angel sighed in defeat, but followed her without objection.

Twenty minutes later, she followed her former lover into his large office at Wolfram and Hart and realized the two of them were the last to arrive. Gunn was standing over by the window, arms crossed over his chest. Fred and Wesley were sitting close together on the couch, talking quietly. Angel cleared his throat, immediately slipped behind his desk and sat in the office chair. “Okay, guys, here’s the situation...”

Buffy suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. Straight to business, as usual; that was Angel’s motto. Why waste precious time to make with the small talk? She had already stopped listening, instead made her way over to the couch and sat down next to Fred. The brunette gave her a soft smile, which she returned.

Looking around the room, Buffy tried not to appear as bored as she felt. Her eyes landed on Spike, leaning against the wall with a nonchalant expression on his face. She smiled at him, frowning when he immediately looked away, refusing to meet her eyes. Then she remembered that she had entered the office with Angel.

Great! Now I’ve hurt his feelings without even realizing it, she thought, torn between guilt and frustration. Spike was the reason why she had decided to stick around in the first place, but things had been tense between them ever since she had agreed to stay at the Hyperion Hotel instead of moving in with him in his small apartment.

A part of her just wanted to say to hell with it and take the chance. To jump into Spike’s willing arms and give him not just the crumb he kept hoping for, but her heart, body and soul. She no longer doubted her feelings for him, but at the same time, she was afraid. She had lost him once, what if she would allow herself to relax and think it would last this time, only to be forced to give him up again?

Buffy honestly didn’t think she would survive should that turn out to be the case. But she also knew the mixed signals she kept sending out would eventually drive him away for good. She wondered – and not for the first time – why everything had to be so damn complicated.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she realized Angel had stopped talking; a flush heated her cheeks when she noticed that everybody was watching her. Angel looked annoyed. Fred curious. Gunn and Wesley appeared to be slightly confused. Spike raised a brow, but remained silent.

A somewhat nervous laugh escaped her. “Am I supposed to say something now? Or do I just have something on my face?”

Un-amused, Angel said, “I was just filling you in on the latest information about the case. But if there’s something else you’d rather be doing...” He left the rest of the sentence hanging, looking at her expectantly.

Forcing back a sigh, Buffy reluctantly pushed all thoughts about Spike to the back of her mind. “I’m sorry, go on. Another mysterious disappearance?”

Angel just stared at her for a moment, then clearly decided to let it go and nodded. “Oscar never showed up at work this morning. No one has seen or heard from him since he left his office last night.”

“Oscar...?” Buffy quickly searched her mind but came up with nothing. “Right. He’s the one who... um...”

“Xargo demon. Tall bloke with yellow skin. Works down in the lab.” Spike spoke up for the first time.

“Oh. I knew that.” Buffy glanced at him, but when he didn’t say anything more, she turned her attention back to Angel. “So, Oscar’s missing. That’s... bad. Want us to ask around? Go to his place and look for clues?”

Angel seemed to be thinking for a moment. “Gunn, you have to meet up with the Zeenoc demons when they teleport in; they’ll be here at one thirty and they’ll be expecting a fancy lunch. Wesley, I need you to be there as well, helping with the translation.” The two men nodded in understanding.

He went on; “Fred, you’ll go to Oscar’s house, talk to his wife and see what she has to say. Buffy, I need you to check the demon bars downtown, see what information you can get. Take Lorne. And Spike...” He paused, turning to the other vampire. “Just stay out of my way.” Not waiting for a response, he picked up the phone and pushed a button. “Harmony, send Rowan in here. I need him to take a look at something.”

A chipper ”Got it, boss!” could be heard from the speaker system, followed by a clicking sound as the connection broke.

Buffy hurriedly left the office a moment later, almost running into Spike who had been waiting just outside, most likely for her. She took a deep breath. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Spike watched her with an unreadable expression on his face. For a moment, they just stood there, neither of them knowing what to say, then he tilted his head to the side. “You okay, luv?”

“Sure.” Buffy answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly, judging by the way his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Eager to change the subject, she bit her lip, thoughtfully. “So, what do you think happened to Oscar?”

Spike shrugged. “Dunno.” A pause. “You, um, got any plans for tonight?”

“Why?” She found herself smiling. “Are you asking me out?” Then she frowned. Was she flirting with him?

He seemed to be just as surprised as her, but quickly covered up, a smirk played on his handsome face. “Just figured you might be a bit peckish after running Angel’s little errands.”

Her smile disappeared and she glared at him. “I don’t take orders, Spike. Angel’s not the boss of me. I just want to help. It’s what I do.”

Spike had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. “Right. Sorry.”

“Forget it.” Buffy waved her hand in dismissal, her face softening a little. “By the way, thanks for the flowers. They’re beautiful.”

“You’re welcome, pet.” He gave her a hopeful look. “So, ‘bout tonight...?” Buffy opened her mouth, but he beat her to it; “Just come to dinner with me, yeah? Don’t have to call it a bloody date if it makes you uncomfortable. Just wanna spend some time with you.”

Buffy melted inside, wondering how she could possibly turn him down when he looked at her like that? And more importantly, she really wanted to spend time with him as well. She was still afraid of letting him back into her life. But as she found herself staring into those blue eyes, she suddenly couldn’t remember why.

She glanced at him, almost shyly. “What if I want it to be a date?”


TBC

”Well?” Angel didn’t bother trying to hide his impatience as he leaned back in the armchair, arms crossed over his chest. “I’m on the clock here, Rowan. What can you tell me?” He watched as the slender, blond man in front of him pulled a few yellow hairs out of the small, plastic comb, closed his eyes and let out a soft, humming sound.

A moment later, his eyes snapped open and he shook his head, an apologetic look on his face. “Sorry, boss. There’s nothing.”

“What does that mean?” Angel was clearly frustrated. “Is he just too far away for your sense to pick him up, or is he...?”

“I don’t know.” Rowan sighed, handing the comb back to the vampire. “Look, you found this in Oscar’s desk drawer, right? Could just be that he hasn’t used it for a while. Got anything a little more...?” He paused, searching for the right word. “...fresh?”

Angel thought for a moment, then nodded. “Go check down in the lab. His coat should still be there. See what you can make of it and then get back to me.” When Rowan didn’t move, just fidgeted awkwardly in his chair, Angel raised a brow expectantly. “There a problem?”

“Um...” Rowan ran a hand through his hair nervously. “The basement... The Scavengers will be there. They can be a bit...”

“...Grumpy.” Angel finished, nodding in understanding. “Especially around humans.” He hesitated for a moment. “All right. Take Spike with you.”

“Got it.” Rowan got up from the chair, and then stopped. “You know, I hate to say this, but we’ve had absolutely no luck so far with this case. Even if Oscar’s still alive and I’m able to sense him, there are no guarantees.”

“I’m aware of that.” Angel let out a sigh. “Look, Rowan, I’ve already lost four employees this week, and it’s only Wednesday. It’s like they’ve just vanished from the face of the planet. I have to do something, or I’ll be out of workers by weekend.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Rowan bit his lip, thoughtfully. Then he shrugged. “I’ll do my best.”


~ ~ ~


“Someone’s in a good mood today,” Lorne stated and let his eyes sweep curiously over the blonde woman as they walked through the lobby. “May I ask if a certain vampire with a soul – with blue eyes and cheekbones to die for – has anything to do with it?”

Buffy glanced at him, pouting a little. “I thought you could only read my mind when I’m singing.”

The green demon let out a snort of amusement. “Sweetie, your mind’s like a book, open for all to read.”

She grimaced, blushing slightly. “Am I that obvious?”

“Oh, it’s not just you, muffin,” Lorne assured her. “I can read him as well. You’re not the only one wearing your heart on your sleeve.”

Buffy got a thoughtful look on her face as his words started to sink in. “You know, I still kinda have a hard time taking in the fact that Angel’s running this firm. And Spike being here as well.” She paused. “Demons and humans working together... Well, I guess he fits right in.”

“Who, Spike?” Lorne gave her a funny look. “He’s not happy here.”

Stopping abruptly, Buffy stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Scratching his horn, Lorne looked a little uncomfortable. “Well, he wasn’t. Don’t worry; I’m sure things will be different now.” When she remained silent he continued, “I have to tell you, though, I’ve never seen a vampire so close to the edge. Especially before he got corporeal. Did a good show of hiding it, of course. But you can’t fool an empath demon. Been around for a while; I know what depression looks like.”

“Depression...” Buffy tasted the word and shook her head as they kept walking. “I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time picturing Spike as depressed. He’s just too...” She tried to find the right word, but failed.

“Honey, vampires and demons can get depressed, too, you know.” Lorne smiled, sadly. “In fact, I was in a bad place myself, recently, where I nearly burned myself out. So I had my sleep removed, and...”

The demon kept talking, but Buffy had stopped listening. She felt like her head was spinning and she didn’t know what to think. If Spike hated being back so much... A horrifying thought occurred to her and she grabbed Lorne by the arm, forcing him to come to a halt. “Please tell me he wasn’t ripped out of Heaven!”

“Heaven?” Lorne looked genuinely surprised. Then he shrugged. “You tell me. You were there, got the t-shirt. Did it seem like a place where vampires would end up?”

“I...” Buffy lowered her eyes. “I don’t remember much.”

“I see. That’s a shame.” Lorne watched her with interest. “I’ve heard it’s supposed to be quite nice.”

“Nice...” She suddenly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Guess you could say that.” A pause. “It was peaceful. Quiet.” They started walking again.

“Oh.” Lorne nodded in understanding. “That sounds...” He thought about it for a moment. “...incredibly boring. And no, sweetie, Spike was not in Heaven. When his time comes again, he’ll be heading a little more to the south.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Buffy glared at him, suddenly feeling sick. “He doesn’t deserve to go to Hell. Spike saved the world! And don’t forget about the soul thing. He’s a good man. A...” She swallowed. “A champion.”

“That might be true.” Lorne put his green hand on top of hers, giving it a squeeze. “But the fact remains, cupcake, and please don’t slay me for saying so. Spike and Angel are both still creatures of the night. It doesn’t really matter which side they’re on now, they will still end up down there eventually. Unless...” He stopped himself.

Buffy stared at him with wide eyes. “Unless what?”

“Well, you see, there’s a prophecy...” Lorne sighed. “Look, I shouldn’t even be telling you this much. You’ll have to ask the vamps in question. Sorry.”

Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t push the matter any further. Instead she just nodded. “All right. I will.” Lorne was clearly relieved. He quickly changed the subject and started talking again, although Buffy wasn’t really paying attention anymore. Her thoughts wandered back to Spike. The blond vampire still loved her; there was no question about that. She only wished...

“He should have told me he was back.” The words were out of her mouth before she realized she had spoken.

Lorne frowned a little and nodded as realization started to hit him. “You’re probably right. It would’ve saved you both some heartache.” Buffy opened her mouth, but he hurried on. “Then again, you can’t really blame the guy for being a little insecure. Especially with Angel around, doing his best to convince him it would be in his best interest to let you go.”

“Yeah...” Buffy’s expression darkened. “Sounds like something Angel would do. For my own good, right?” She let out a bitter laugh.

“Well, sure,” Lorne quickly agreed, but the look in his eyes told her otherwise. And deep down, she understood. Angel wanted her to be happy, sure. But also, he couldn’t stand the thought of her being happy with any vampire that wasn’t him. Especially not with Spike.

“Just do me a favor?” said Lorne. Buffy gave him a questioning look and he continued, “You know in your heart what you want. Don’t take too long to act on it. You deserve some happiness. Both of you.”

Buffy didn’t answer. Once again, her mind was racing. Maybe Lorne was right. But there was something else bothering her as well. She was terrified of losing Spike again, but that was not the only reason why she held back. No, her fears went far deeper than that.

Over the years, Spike had gone through so much to prove himself worthy of her. But that was just the thing. Deep down, she realized that he deserved so much better than her. Maybe he wasn’t the one who was unworthy. All he had ever wanted was for her to give him a chance. And she had rejected him, over and over again, taken his love and thrown it right back in his face.

She was pretty sure Spike didn’t see things that way, though, but still, maybe one day he would. What if some day he would stop and decide that she just wasn’t worth it? And then he would leave her, for good this time. Buffy swallowed, hard. She knew she wasn’t being fair. If that would be the case, it had to be up to him to decide. But the mere thought scared her half to death.

Of course, the right thing to do would be for her and Spike to sit down and have an actual conversation. She needed to put her fears into words and tell him exactly how she felt, or he would think that she still had doubts about the two of them, when in fact, she only doubted herself. The problem was, she had never been good at expressing her inner thoughts and feelings. But it looked like she didn’t have much of a choice.


TBC

Leaving Angel’s office and absently closing the door behind him, Rowan turned around and walked straight into Spike. Unable to hold back a startled gasp, he grasped at his chest and glared at the vampire. “Jesus, man, don’t do that!”

Spike tsked in mock sympathy. “Didn’t think you’d scare that easily, mate. What, ten minutes in the poof’s office and you’re turnin’ into a bloody fruitcake?” He was rewarded with a dark look that clearly indicated that the other man didn’t share his amusement.

“You’ve been hanging with ‘the poof’ for more than a century, Spike,” Rowan pointed out, irritably. “What does that say about you?”

The blond vampire looked taken aback for a moment, then snickered. “Good point. Rest my case, then.” He shrugged and turned to leave.

“Wait.” Rowan let out a sigh and grabbed the vampire’s arm to stop him. “Sorry. Rough night. Didn’t get much sleep.”

“No kidding?” Spike cocked his head to the side, watching Rowan with interest. “Do look a bit knackered. What happened? Some pretty chit wore you out?”

“What can I say?” Rowan grinned. “Met a Canadian girl last night and brought her home. Was hardly able to keep up, if you know what I mean?” He puffed out his chest.

“Second bird this week, eh?” Spike raised a scarred brow. “Good for you, mate. Bet the ladies get really impressed by that big mansion of yours.”

“Yeah, my house is one huge chick magnet.” Rowan chuckled, before he became serious as he changed the subject. “Was gonna go look for you, actually. Boss wants us to get Oscar’s coat from the lab downstairs.”

“I see.” Spike rolled his eyes. “So, basically he wants you to go fetch the soddin’ coat, and me to tag along to keep you from getting your parts chopped off by the bleedin’ Scavengers?”

Rowan grimaced. “Something like that, yeah.”


~ ~ ~


“Please...” The pale demon had backed up against the wall, trembling in fear as the horrifying creature in front of him kept approaching him, slowly. “No more! Please, just kill me...”

“Yes.” The thing that looked like a man nodded in agreement, his eyes glowing. “Kill. But not yet.”

“Why?” the demon choked out, a pleading note in his voice, as if begging for mercy. “I – I can’t take this anymore. Why won’t you just... kill me?” He started coughing violently, and a gurgling sound escaped his damaged throat.

“Because...” The slim – but surprisingly strong – creature easily picked him up by the arm and slammed him into the wall. A sickening, cracking sound could be heard as the already injured demon’s spine snapped like a twig. “Morou can still make use of you.”


~ ~ ~


“So, how’re things working out with you and the Slayer?”

Spike froze in his tracks for a moment, turning to look at the blond man standing next to him in the elevator, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”

Rowan quickly raised both his hands in a defensive gesture. “Just curious. Don’t have to go all...” He wiggled his fingers, feigning claws. “...‘grr’ on me.” The vampire just snorted, clearly unimpressed, and Rowan decided to try a different tactic; “You know, I heard Angel’s thinking of asking her out...” Struggling to hide his amusement, he watched as Spike’s handsome face immediately slipped into the face of a demon.

“Buffy’s mine! I’ll rip his bloody head off!” Spike growled, furiously, then stopped as he noticed the smirk on Rowan’s face. His features shifted back to normal. “Very funny.”

“I thought so.” Rowan chuckled as they stepped out of the elevator. They walked in silence until they reached the large white door leading into the lab. Taking a deep breath, he cast a look at Spike as he carefully pushed the door open. “Ready to flash some fang?”

Spike merely shrugged, casually slipping past him into the dark room. Rowan fumbled with the light switch on the wall and turned the light on. He had to blink a couple of times for his eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness. Then he spotted the closet at the far end of the room, the door half open. Quickly making his way across the room, he threw a nervous glance at the vampire.

“Got your back, yeah? Just hurry.” Spike sounded bored as he patted the pockets of his coat in search for his cigarettes.

“You know, I...” Rowan stopped as the light suddenly went out. “Oh, great!” He paused. “Spike?” Silence. Rolling his eyes, Rowan quickly made a decision and took a few steps forward, reaching blindly for the closet door. “Spike?!” he hissed again, not really surprised when the vampire still didn’t answer. Son of a bitch was enjoying this, no question about it.

Suddenly he sensed a movement next to him and stopped dead in his tracks. When a few seconds passed and nothing happened, he let out the breath he had been holding. Carefully taking another step, he gasped as he stumbled on something and lost his balance. “Fuck...!”

The moment he hit the floor, they fell upon him like a pack of hyenas, having been stalking their prey and just waited for an opportunity to attack. Rowan could feel their sharp teeth tearing into his clothes and scratching his skin, and he made a desperate attempt of fighting them off. “Spike!”

Having obviously decided that enough was enough, Spike roared menacingly somewhere in the room. Before Rowan knew what happened, he was free and scrambled to his feet. A moment later, his eyes were able to make out the shapes of his attackers as the vampire had flicked his zippo lighter on. He shuddered, wiping some slime off his jeans with a grunt of disgust.

The room was full of black, furry creatures, barely three feet tall, snarling and muttering threateningly in some – at least to Rowan – unknown language. He watched as Spike lit a cigarette, tilted his head to the side and listened to the strange noises coming from the little bastards. Then the vampire snarled something in response, and all the Scavengers immediately started backing away.

Nonchalantly sauntering over to the closet, Spike pulled the door open and removed the large, white lab coat from the hanger. Then he turned to Rowan and nodded towards the door. “All done. Unless you feel up to staying and make further acquaintance with these little buggers.”

Rowan stared at the vampire in disbelief, his mind having yet to register what had just happened. “You understood what they were saying?!”

“Course.” Pulling a final long drag from his cigarette, Spike let the butt drop to the floor and crushed it under his boot. “Speaking G’harval, weren’t they? Any demon with self-respect knows how to speak that.”

“Sure...” Rowan shook his head in helpless frustration and followed Spike out of the lab. “So, what did you tell them?” There was a hint of curiosity in his voice.

“Nothing, really.” Spike tossed the coat to the other man, who caught it easily. “Just told ‘em to sod off, or I’d rip their balls off and shove ‘em up their furry little...”

“Okay! I get the picture. Jeez...” Rowan rolled his eyes, not needing a visual image.

As they headed back towards the elevator, Spike glanced at the other blond. “We’re going out tonight.”

“What?” Rowan turned to him with a frown on his face.

“Me and the Slayer.” The vampire shrugged. “You asked how things were going, and that’s it.”

“Really?” Rowan’s face broke into a genuine smile. “That’s great!” He meant it. Sarcastic jokes and bickering aside, he had come to really enjoy the company of the vampire over the last couple of weeks, enough to consider him a friend. And although Spike would probably never admit it out loud, maybe not even under torture, Rowan knew deep down that he felt the same way.

Rowan wasn’t blind, nor was he stupid. He had seen the effect the Slayer had on both of the souled vampires. Not that he had anything against Angel, after all, the guy was his boss, but seriously, he could be so boring sometimes, or – to be more accurate – most of the time. Spike on the other hand was fun to be around.

The blond vampire looked a little surprised by his words, but at the same time pleased. “Yeah, well, ‘s not like it’s a date or anything. ‘S just dinner.”

“Still...” Rowan grinned. “You’ll have her wrapped around your little finger by dessert.” Spike chuckled, but didn’t comment. Watching him closely, Rowan noticed the uncertainty on the vampire’s face. He cleared his throat. “Well, I really like Buffy. She’s a great girl. I’m sure everything will work out just fine.”

“Right.” Spike was quiet for a moment before clearing his throat as well, looking a little uncomfortable. “Dunno ‘bout you, but I’d bite someone for a beer right now. What do you say?”

Rowan glanced down at his ruined t-shirt, nodding eagerly in agreement. “I’d say, that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”


TBC

”Well, that was a total bust.” Buffy slumped down on a bar stool, turning to Lorne who was happily sipping on his Sea Breeze. “We’ve been to three demon bars and nobody’s heard a thing.” She smiled a little, raising her glass. “At least at this place, I got a free Diet Coke.” Just as she was about to take a sip, she noticed something black at the bottom of the glass. “Um, Lorne? What’s that?”

Lorne picked up the little purple umbrella from his drink and put it behind his ear before glancing down into her glass. “Oh, that’s just a frozen G’harga bug. Better than ice cubes, since they add quite an interesting flavor to the drink.”

Buffy stared at him, wondering is he was serious. “A bug?”

The green demon shrugged, swallowing down the last of the contents in his glass. “It’s considered an exotic delicacy in the demon world.”

“But it’s a bug!” Buffy shuddered, firmly putting her untouched drink down on the counter in front of her. “Gross.”

“Actually, it’s really...” Lorne stopped as he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. “Hey, look who’s decided to come partying with the demons!” He raised his hand in a friendly wave.

Rowan made his way over to join them at the bar, waving a little to catch the bartender’s attention. “Two more beers, please.”

Buffy smiled at him. “Hi, Rowan.”

“Hey.” Rowan nodded in greeting, a teasing note in his voice as he went on, “Spike’s in the back, playing pool.”

The Slayer’s cheeks turned into an interesting shade of pink. “I didn’t ask.”

“Didn’t have to.” Rowan smirked, dropping a couple of bills on the counter. He raised his eyes to look at something over Buffy’s shoulder. “Oh, here he comes.” Buffy’s eyes widened. Ignoring Rowan’s amused expression, she quickly ran her hand over her hair.

“Fancy meeting you here, pet.” Spike gave her an almost shy smile before accepting the bottle Rowan handed to him.

“Hey.” Realizing she was staring at the vampire, a silly smile playing on her lips, Buffy shook her head as if to clear it. “So, um, any news about the missing demons? ‘Cause we got nothing.”

“Neither do we, I’m afraid.” Rowan took a swig from his bottle, resisting the urge to roll his eyes when he noticed that Spike had yet to take his eyes away from the Slayer. “The coat from the lab didn’t tell me anything. In fact...” He stopped as a wave of pain came over him, squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palm against his temple.

The pain was gone as quickly as it had started and he opened his eyes again, only to find that the others were watching him. Having finally turned his attention away from Buffy, Spike gave him a questioning look. “You okay, mate? What was that’s about?”

Rowan waved his hand in dismissal, putting on a weak smile. “Just a mild case of migraine. Comes with the power.” Eager to change the subject, he nodded towards the bar. “So, anyone up for another round? It’s on me.”

“Not for me, thanks. One bug was enough.” Buffy cast a glance at her watch. “Besides, I gotta go. But you guys go ahead.” She started to get up.

“Leaving so soon?” Spike frowned, clearly disappointed, although he quickly tried to cover up. “What’s the rush? Need to report back to Angel?” He was unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Buffy’s expression hardened. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, and shaking her head in frustration. Without a word, she spun around and left the bar.

Spike stared after her for a moment before letting out a growl and slamming his half empty beer bottle down on the counter, hard enough for it to explode into a million pieces. The demons sitting next to him in the bar gave him startled looks as they nervously started backing away.

“O-kay...” Rowan cast a helpless look at Lorne before carefully putting a hand on the blond vampire’s shoulder. “Maybe we should...”

“Oh, boy...” Lorne interrupted him, shaking his head in disapproval. “Spike, you really are a kel’tac.” The vampire looked up, his eyes narrowing threateningly as he responded to Lorne’s statement with a two-finger salute, clearly offended.

Frowning, Rowan looked from the vampire to the demon. “I take it ’kel’tac’ is some sort of an insult?”

“Sort of, yeah.” Lorne nodded in agreement. “It’s Pylean. Loosely translates to...” He gestured towards the fuming vampire. “brainless moron!”

“Oi!” Spike glared daggers at him. “Watch your mouth, you-”

“You’re supposed to take Buffy out to dinner in a couple of hours,” Lorne cut him off, clearly not the least bit intimidated by Spike’s outburst. “The girl’s going to need some time to prepare. You know, wash her hair and put on her make-up. Maybe take a nice bubble bath. Decide which dress matches her new shoes. That sort of thing.”

Spike’s face fell, his anger immediately submitting to doubt. He gave Lorne an uncertain look. “That’s why she left? To get ready for tonight?” He was quiet for a moment. “She’d actually do that for me?”

“Sure,” Lorne said. “At least I bet that was her plan until you had to open your big mouth. As of now, I wouldn’t be surprised if she called the whole thing off.”

As the demon’s words started to sink in, Spike looked absolutely crestfallen. Then he let out a loud groan. “Buggerin’, bleedin’ hell!”


~ ~ ~


“Buffy?”

Angrily pacing back and forth in her room, muttering to herself about stupid vampires, Buffy stopped at the sound of Fred’s voice, coming from the other side of the closed door. “Go away!” She felt a little bad for taking her anger out on Fred, but she couldn’t help herself.

”Um...” There was a moment of silence. ”Buffy, are you okay?”

Sighing, Buffy made her way over to the door, opening it and taking a step back to allow Fred to enter. “Yes, I’m fine. Just pissed off at the moment. I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“What’s wrong?” The Texan girl hesitantly stepped through the door, a look of concern on her face. “I thought you’d be all excited about your big date tonight?”

“Yeah, well, the date’s off!” Buffy walked over to the bed and sat down. “Let’s face it; all men are idiots.” She paused, eyes narrowing as she scowled. “Especially the ones who happen to be vampires.”

“Uh-oh.” Fred went to sit down next to the blonde. “What did Spike do now?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “You mean aside from being obnoxious, as usual?” When Fred didn’t respond, just waited for her to go on, she let out a sigh. “Angel-issues. So what else is new?” Fred’s lips formed the shape of an ‘o’. Buffy threw her arms up in the air. “How the hell am I supposed to even think about getting into a relationship with Spike if he can’t trust me?!”

Fred opened her mouth, but Buffy wasn’t finished; “My God, it’s like he thinks just because I don’t go around insulting Angel every chance I get, I still have romantic feelings for him.”

“Which you don’t?” Fred looked a little confused.

“Of course not!” Buffy scoffed. “I’m so way over Angel, it’s not even funny. And yet, Spike refuses to believe that. What am I supposed to do? Shout it out from the rooftops?”

The brunette was quiet for a moment. “Maybe. It couldn’t hurt.”

“I mean, come on...” Buffy didn’t even hear Fred’s input as she continued, “Spike’s over a hundred years old, and sometimes I just wanna hit him over the head and tell him to grow up! I can’t believe he’s being so... so...”

“Insecure?” Fred glanced at her, choosing her next words carefully. “Buffy, I’m sure Spike wants to trust you. But let’s face it; Angel was your first real love. It’s hard to compete with that.”

Buffy groaned in frustration. “But that’s just it. There’s no competition. If I’d wanted to be with Angel, I would’ve come here years ago. I decided to stay here in LA because of Spike, not because of Angel.”

“Oh, I know.” Fred gave her an assuring look. There was a pause. “But does Spike know that?”

“Sure he does.” Buffy worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Well, he should. Shouldn’t he?”

“He should,” Fred agreed. She let out a nervous laugh. “But you’re forgetting one thing.” The blonde gave her a questioning look and she clarified, “Just because Spike’s a vampire it doesn’t mean he can read your mind.”

Buffy was silent for a moment, reluctantly admitting to herself that Fred had a point. She pouted a little. “Spike and I really need to start communicating, don’t we?”

Fred nodded. “That would be good. Does this mean the date’s back on?”

“I guess.” The Slayer gave it a brief moment’s consideration before shrugging, casually. “It was never off.”


TBC

”Oh, God, make it stop!” Almost blinded by the sharp pain, Rowan stumbled down the stairs. “I’m on my way, dammit,” he hissed between gritted teeth as he finally slammed his fist into the door. “Just stop!” He felt like his head was about to explode, and the pain shooting through his hand at the contact with the hard surface of the door was a welcoming distraction.

The door swung open easily and Rowan knew that he had been expected. Strangely, he felt no fear. Stepping into the small room, he almost sobbed with relief as the headache was finally starting to ease. He looked around, wincing at the sight of the large slices of demon flesh in the corner. Closing his eyes for a moment, he silently prayed that he would get to keep his dinner.

“New rules,” the dark voice stated behind him, and Rowan spun around. “No more useless trash. Morou needs stronger toys.”

“Stop calling them ‘toys’.” Rowan felt sick. “They’re not toys. They are...”

“Worthless demons,” Morou finished, his face twisting into a cruel smile. “You said so yourself once.”

Rowan was quiet for a moment, knowing the monster in front of him was right. He swallowed. “Yeah, well, not all demons are like that.” It was true, he knew that now. Of course, just because he had come to see things differently didn’t mean he could take his thoughtless words and actions back.

He wondered how his new friends would react, should they ever find out his secret. More than once, he had considered the possibility of coming clean. Tell them all about the beast living down in his basement, explain to them what he was really doing after office hours. But he was afraid.

At first, it had all seemed so simple. After what happened to Julie – the love of his life – he had been bitter and angry, convinced that all demons were the same. Evil creatures that needed to be destroyed. He had wanted revenge, so he had jumped to the opportunity when it presented itself. At first, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing.

He and Julie had been happily in love for almost three years. Of course, he had just been an ordinary man back then, a nobody. But Julie had loved him, nevertheless. For almost three years, his life had been like a fairytale. Perfection. And he had been naive enough to think that it would last forever.

That horrible night six months ago had left a permanent mark in his memory, an open wound in his heart that could never be truly healed. Never again would he find such a woman like Julie; the countless girls he kept bringing home every night were nothing but substitutes, paling in comparison. Sometimes he wondered why he kept torturing himself. But deep down, he figured it was nothing more than he deserved.

It had been his twenty-fourth birthday and he had been out celebrating with his friends. On the way home from the restaurant, Julie had suggested that they would take a shortcut back to their apartment. More than a little tipsy from all the booze he had been consuming, not to mention horny and eager to finally have her all to himself – preferably in bed – Rowan hadn’t objected.

But, as it would turn out, leaving the crowded main street and entering that dark alley had been a fatal mistake. When the big hairy creature jumped out in front of them, roaring mercilessly, Rowan was hit by the sickening realization that his life was over. The last thing he heard – before he got knocked to the ground and everything went dark – was the blood-curling scream from his girlfriend as the demon sliced her throat open.

When he woke up in the hospital, two days later, he was at first unable to accept the fact that Julie was really gone. It just couldn’t be true. How was he supposed to go on living the rest of his life without her? When he was finally forced to realize that she was not coming back, he wished the demon had killed him as well. Death would have been a sweet blessing compared to a life without Julie by his side.

He had been released from the hospital a week later, having amazingly enough gotten away with a few broken ribs and a mild concussion. By then, he had made a sacred promise to himself. The fact that demons were real didn’t come as a surprise to him; he’d always had an open mind.

Besides, he had heard rumors about monsters and vampires living among them since he was a kid. People were talking, although nobody really seemed to know much. Maybe because not many had seen one and lived to tell the tale. Well, he had. He knew they were out there. And that day, he swore to himself that he would dedicate the rest of his life to take out as many as he could.

Of course, he could kill a thousand demons and it still wouldn’t bring Julie back. But it didn’t really matter. It gave him something to do, a purpose. A reason to go on living instead of putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. He would search them out, one by one, sending them back to Hell where they belonged. And if he died while at it, then so be it.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t much of a fighter. It soon became painfully obvious to him that he wouldn’t stand much of a chance against the demons. At least not by himself. He did manage to take out a demon or two sometimes, but more out of pure luck than anything else.

Then came the day that would change everything. The day when he first discovered his power. He had been out drinking in some random bar when he spotted the wallet on one of the tables, probably left by some absent-minded customer. It had never been his intention to steal it, but he had picked it up, and that was when the wave hit him.

Suddenly he found himself watching the world from another man’s eyes. He was somewhere outside, wandering in the middle of the street when the sound of screeching tires caught his attention and he looked up. He could still remember the face of the shocked driver behind the windscreen as the car rammed into him.

Although the sensation was over before he knew it, it scared him half to death. However, Rowan pushed his strange experience to the back of his mind, waving it off as a hallucination, telling himself it had just been his drunken mind playing tricks on him. It worked, until the next day when he read about the accident in the newspaper.

It didn’t take him long to realize that he was now able to sense other people by touching various objects they had recently been in contact with. He didn’t understand where his new ability came from, or if he would be able to use it to his advantage in the fight against evil, but he had accepted it. And then one day, he was approached by a woman from the law firm – Wolfram and Hart.

The young woman had introduced herself as Eve – claiming the firm could use a man with his special skills. She had never given him her last name and Rowan had never asked. He had been suspicious to say the least, demanding to know how they had found out about him. Vaguely stating that ‘we have our ways, sweetie’, she had assured him they were all on the same side.

It came as a total shock to him at first, learning that not only was the CEO of the law firm a vampire, but other demons were working there as well, side by side with humans. But if he found that a bit hard to take in, it was nothing compared to the fact that the vampire in charge – Angel – happened to have a soul. And apparently, he was not the only one.

To his surprise, most of the demons working at Wolfram and Hart – as well as the humans, for that matter – seemed to accept him without hesitation. Angel knew about his hatred towards demons, after all, Rowan had been instructed to sing to Lorne like the rest of them. But for some reason, it didn’t seem to bother the vampire.

In fact, some of the demons actually treated him better than his former so called friends. The friends he had not spoken with since the funeral. Truth to be told, they had always been more Julie’s friends than his. He hadn’t realized it at the time, though, but the fact that they had all pretty much ignored him after awkwardly patting his back and giving him their weak condolences was all the proof he needed.

The demons on the other hand considered him one of them, an equal. Still, Rowan had refused to trust any of them. Until the day one of them risked his own life to save his. Slowly, he started to accept the fact that even demons could have a decent heart, even though it wasn’t always beating.

After a while, he found himself actually starting to like them - some of them, anyway. However, it was already too late. By then, he had found the large house up on the hill. Of course, the house wasn’t really the problem. No, the problem was the evil thing already living there. The thing posing as a man, but what was something completely different.

“I won’t let you hurt my friends,” he now told the creature, pleased to notice that his voice didn’t tremble at all. “In fact, I won’t let you hurt anyone else, period. I’m out.”

“Out?” Morou sounded a little too calm for Rowan’s liking. “You will no longer bring Morou toys?”

“That’s right.” Rowan nodded, firmly. “I’ve had it. I won’t help you anymore. You’re on your own.”

In a blink of an eye, Morou had grabbed his hand, the beast’s long, claw-like fingers digging into his skin. Rowan cried out in pain as Morou’s fist curled around one of his fingers, breaking it easily with a flick of his wrist. As the ruthless creature reached for the next finger, Rowan tried to pull away in panic.

“There is no ‘out’.” Morou watched him through dark eyes, his expressionless face now chilled Rowan to the bones. “You have no say. Morou owns you.”


TBC

”Buffy? We need to talk, luv.”

Buffy looked up from her plate, startled. It was the understatement of the year. “I know.” She sighed, only half joking as she added hopefully, “Any chance it could wait until after we’ve had our dessert?”

“Sure.” Spike shrugged. “Whatever you want, pet.” He fell silent, repeatedly running his fork through what was left of his bloody steak. Extra rare, of course. What else?

Buffy watched him in amusement. “What did that poor steak ever do to you? Beat you at kitten poker?”

Rolling his eyes, Spike dropped the fork and pushed his plate aside. He was quiet for a moment. “Seeing how you’re joking, I take it you’re not mad at me anymore?” There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

“I’m not mad. I just...” Buffy hesitated, not sure what to say. She hated fighting with Spike. More than anything she wished things would just be okay between them. Or maybe a bit more than just okay. Instead, everything seemed so complicated. But then again, when had things ever been simple?

“You look beautiful.” Spike smiled a little, although Buffy was certain she could see pain in his eyes. “Wish I’d taken you some place fancier.”

“Are you kidding?” Buffy stared at him in disbelief. “This place is great! The food was absolutely amazing.” She really meant it. To tell the truth, she couldn’t even remember the last time she had tasted anything so delicious. Everything about the restaurant Spike had chosen was perfect. Company included, she silently admitted to herself.

So far, Spike had been the perfect gentleman – holding open the door for her when they first arrived at the restaurant, pulling out her chair – little things like that. It hit her how he was really trying to make up for his earlier behavior. At the same time, he seemed almost nervous around her. In a way, Buffy couldn’t really blame him.

Spike was relieved. The fact that Buffy hadn’t canceled their date – yes, it was a date, who was he kidding – gave him hope that he still had a chance after all. And he was pleased to find that he had apparently not made a complete fool out of himself by bringing her here. The Slayer was impressed, no question about it.

He just wished he knew what was going on in that pretty blonde head of hers. It was obvious to him that something was bothering her; he just didn’t know what it was. Maybe she still didn’t fully trust him. If that was the case, he supposed he could relate to that. After all, he had neglected to tell her about him being back among the living, or un-living or whatever.

A part of him found it hard to believe that she was even here with him in the first place. Having found out from Andrew that he was back, Buffy had simply dropped everything else to come and see him. Of course, she hadn’t thrown herself in his arms and declared her undying love, but he could tell that she was genuinely happy to see him. It warmed his cold, un-beating heart, more than he wanted to admit.

And now here he was, finally out on a date with the Slayer. Somehow, he had to make sure not to screw this up. Too much was at stake – he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her now. He may not deserve her, but he craved her, his entire body burned with desire for her. He loved her – even if she would never truly return his feelings, he would love her until the day he dusted.

Still, he couldn’t fool himself. Being this close to Buffy and yet not having her was hard. Hell, it was torture. The last thing he wanted was pushing her into something she wouldn’t be ready for. Sometimes, he wished he had the strength to walk away. But he was weak. Longing for the love that would not be given to him. Hoping...

As he now looked at her, he realized that he had her full attention. Buffy was watching him expectantly, waiting for him to do something; however, he couldn’t for his life figure out what that would be. The only thing he could think of was reaching across the table, pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. Other than that, his mind was completely blank.

“Spike?” Buffy found herself almost hypnotized by his deep blue eyes, for some reason feeling like she was looking right into his soul. She could see how much he loved her. And it scared her half to death. Should she finally give in and confess to him just how much he had actually come to mean to her – and God, how she wanted to – would it be enough? Would she be enough for him?

Spike cocked his head to the side. “Um, you want dessert now, luv? Or...” He hesitated. “Wanna go someplace more private?” Seeing the look on her face, he rolled his eyes and added, “Got a dirty mind, Slayer. I meant to talk.”

“Oh. I knew that.” Buffy quickly lowered her eyes, but he didn’t miss the way her cheeks turned red. She swallowed. “Well, we do need to talk.”

“It’s settled, then.” Spike quickly looked around, his eyes landing on the waiter heading in their direction, and waved a little to catch the man’s attention. Then he glanced at Buffy. “We could go back to my place, if you want.”

Thinking for a moment, Buffy nodded in agreement. “Okay.”


~ ~ ~


“Hey, Rowan.” Harmony looked up from her desk, batting her long eyelashes at him. She shifted her position a little, making sure to reveal even more of her cleavage. “Well, lucky me! Thought you’d left for the day.”

Rowan shook his head, not sure whether to be amused or annoyed. Harmony had started flirting shamelessly with him whenever Spike was around, obviously attempting to make the male vampire jealous enough to realize what he had given up. Spike, however, refused to take the bait. Most of the time, he chose to simply ignore her.

Lately though, Rowan had noticed how she kept giving him her full attention, even when the blond vampire wasn’t there. At first he figured she had actually decided to accept her defeat and move on. But now he couldn’t help but wonder if Buffy may have something to do with Harmony’s sudden lack of interest in Spike.

Maybe Buffy had threatened to stake her if she wouldn’t back off. Rowan held back a grin as a vivid image of a furious Slayer, ordering a terrified Harmony to stay the hell away from her vampire, flashed through his mind. He wouldn’t be overly surprised if that turned out to be the case.

In a way, he felt sorry for Harmony. She may be quite attractive for a vampire, but her obvious thirst for male attention merely made her appear pathetic. He got the feeling she had to be very lonely, seeing how practically everybody at Wolfram and Hart found her to be shallow and annoying, to put it mildly. Also, she was not very bright.

A deep, pulsating wave of pain shot through him without warning. Thankfully, it was over a moment later. The message was clear enough, though. ‘Stop wasting your time!’ Rowan clenched his fists. He could sense other people and demons by choice, but Morou was always there, invading his mind. It was exhausting. Not to mention how it made him feel violated.

Of course, he would get a break every once in a while. It could be hours, sometimes even a whole day, when the ruthless being down in the basement would leave him alone. For some reason, Morou required a lot of rest. Lucky for him, Rowan thought, bitterly. Otherwise, he would have gone insane a long time ago.

Realizing that Harmony was still talking to him, Rowan firmly pushed the disturbing images of himself in a straitjacket, locked up in some white-padded cell, to the back of his mind. He gave the female vampire a questioning look. “Sorry, what?”

Harmony repeated her words, a hopeful expression on her face. “I was just about to leave. Do you wanna go to the coffee house and get... a cup of coffee or something?”

Rowan frowned. “You drink coffee?”

“Sure.” Harmony nodded. “With blood and sugar.” Seeing how he cringed, she hurried to add, “They serve with milk as well.”

“Right.” Rowan grimaced, knowing he would probably never be able to drink coffee again. “Um, no offense, but I don’t think—” He stopped with a gasp, struck by another bolt of pain, this time so intense that his vision became blurry and his eyes started watering. For a moment, he was certain he would either throw up or pass out.

“Are you okay?” Harmony watched him in confusion. “Rowan, are you sick or something?”

And just like that, the episode was over. Taking a couple of deep breaths, Rowan managed to find his voice. “No, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Good.” Harmony sounded relieved. “So, do you wanna go?”

“Actually...” Rowan hesitated. He was so tired. In that moment, he was prepared to do pretty much anything to keep the dreadful headaches away. So he nodded. “Yeah, coffee sounds good. Let’s go.”


TBC

”You know, I find it hard enough imagining you playing video games. But seriously?” Buffy clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. “Crash Bandicoot?”

“Hey! I’ll have you know, ‘s a lot harder than it looks,” Spike protested, looking a little offended. He rolled his eyes. “Fred’s idea of physical therapy. Gave it to me after I got my hands chopped off by Psycho Slayer.”

“Oh.” Buffy’s smile disappeared and she lowered her eyes in shame. “I’m sorry. Must’ve been awful.”

Spike shrugged. “Got ‘em reattached, didn’t I? ‘S no big.”

Buffy wasn’t totally convinced, but decided to let the matter drop. She looked around the tiny room, still not used to the idea of Spike living in this miserable excuse for an apartment. Even the crypt seemed more like a home than this place. Sometimes she really missed Sunnydale.

“Get you anything, pet? A beer?” Spike went over to the small fridge, opened the door and grabbed two bottles. He gave her a questioning look.

She started to object, then changed her mind and nodded. “Sure. Why not?”

Spike made his way over to the couch, handed her one of the bottles and after a brief moment’s hesitation sat down. “So, um...”

“I’ve had a great time tonight,” Buffy interrupted him, fingering nervously at the edge of her white top. The surprised, yet pleased look on Spike’s face encouraged her to continue, “Felt kind of weird in a way, you and me being out on a real date. But weird in a good way, if you know what I mean?” She bit her lip, glancing at him.

“So, what are you saying?” Spike raised a brow. “Wanna do it again some time? Or...” He looked away, suddenly afraid to meet her eyes. “Was it just a one-time deal?”

“No. I mean...” Buffy swallowed, feeling frustration well up inside her. She was not good at this; letting her feelings out in the open. For one thing, she was afraid of getting hurt. And even more so, she realized now, she feared that she would end up hurting him. God knows they had both hurt each other more than enough in the past.

She took a deep breath. “Spike, I want us to keep dating. See what happens. I’m not gonna keep lying to myself – I do have feelings for you.” Seeing how he opened his mouth, Buffy quickly raised her hand to stop him. “Please, just let me finish. Just admitting this is a huge step for me. I’m not like you, Spike. I’m not used to putting my feelings and emotions into words.”

Spike was quiet for a moment. “Maybe it’s time for you to start, then. ‘M no mind reader, luv. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s bloody exhausting trying to figure you out.” He watched her carefully, as if half expecting her to lash out at him.

Buffy sighed. In a way, she couldn’t blame him for feeling a bit insecure around her. But sometimes, she kind of missed the old Spike. He may have been full of himself, but at least he hadn’t been afraid of telling her to stop being a bitch. Remembering how she had treated him in the past, she wondered how he could even stand to look at her.

Of course, Spike had not exactly been a saint back then, either. Thinking about it, they were both to blame for how things had ended between them before he had left Sunnydale in search of his soul. But maybe it didn’t matter anymore. Maybe it was time to stop dwelling on the past and how much they had both screwed up, and focus on the future.

She took a small sip of her beer. It tasted horrible, although she managed not to grimace. Taking another sip, she put the bottle down on the table in front of her. “If I promise to try, will you be patient with me?”

He stared at her in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right? Got all the time in the world here, pet. Vampire, remember? Take as much time as you need. Just...” He suddenly seemed to find something very interesting at the bottom of his bottle. “Don’t make any promises you won’t be able to keep. Couldn’t bear it if you’d push me away again. In that case, I’d rather you just stake me now.”

Buffy had to bite her tongue to prevent the tears from welling up in her eyes. “I don’t wanna push you away. But I’m scared, Spike. I’m scared of giving in to my feelings and I’m scared of losing you. Let’s face it, I suck at relationships. It’s always the same; either the guys turn evil on me and try to destroy the world or they end up leaving the country.” She swallowed hard, adding, “Or dying.”


~ ~ ~


“Wow. That was just... Wow!” Harmony giggled in delight as Rowan pulled out of her, rolled off and raised his eyes to the ceiling with an exhausted sigh. She ran her long, perfectly manicured fingernails down his arm. “Come on, Rowan, admit it. Wasn’t that the best sex you’ve ever had?”

Rowan merely grunted in response, thinking he’d probably had better. Not that it had been bad or anything, it just left him with a feeling of emptiness. Then again, these particular type of encounters usually did.

Harmony on the other hand didn’t seem offended by his obvious lack of enthusiasm. “Wanna do it again?”

“No.” Rowan sighed. “In fact, I think you’d better...” He stopped, closing his eyes for a moment. His head didn’t hurt, but he could feel Morou reaching out towards him. Opening his eyes again, he turned his head to watch Harmony. There was still time to get her out of the house. Not like he had to be polite or anything; he could throw her out by force if he had to.

Suddenly his mind was racing. Surely bringing a soulless vampire home and fucking her hadn’t been the brightest thing to do, but he could worry about that later, and that he had given said vampire an open invitation to enter his home whenever she felt like it.

He didn’t really need to worry, though. Rowan knew deep down that Harmony wouldn’t come back one night and kill him in his sleep. Not because he trusted her. Hell, no. Crush on him or not, he knew Harmony wouldn’t think twice about double-crossing him if she thought there would be anything in it for her. Still, she wouldn’t come back and hurt him. How could she?

To be able to come back, one would have to leave. And Harmony wasn’t going anywhere.


~ ~ ~


“Buffy...” Spike searched his mind, desperately trying to come up with something to say. He shook his head. “You won’t lose me, luv. ‘M not like any of those wankers. I’d never...” He stopped, knowing that wasn’t entirely true. In fact, he had left her before. And the last time, he hadn’t even come back.

He realized Buffy had every right not to trust him. But he could also tell that she really wanted to. Maybe for now, that would just have to be enough. He reached out a trembling hand towards her, but let it drop before making contact, suddenly afraid to touch her. When he spoke again, his voice was barely more than a whisper. “So, where does this leave us, Buffy?”

“I don’t know.” Her eyes never leaving his, Buffy hesitantly reached out and he found himself grabbing hold of her like he was drowning and she was his lifeline. She laced her fingers through his, squeezing his hand softly. “All I know is that I never wanna be apart from you again.”

“I love you.” He hadn’t planned to say the words out loud, but they were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. And now it was too late to take them back. Not that he really wanted to. He was just terrified of another rejection.

“I...” Buffy stared at him, unable to take her eyes away. She inhaled, shakily. “I’m glad.” As soon as she had spoken the words, she mentally slapped her forehead. ’I’m glad’? Jeez, Buffy, why don’t you just punch the guy in the face while you’re at it? That would probably be less painful. She swallowed. “Spike-”

Before she realized what happened, Spike leaned in and brushed his lips softly against hers. The kiss was unlike anything Buffy had ever experienced with Spike before; it was sweet and tender, almost hesitant, and she found herself slipping her arms around his neck.

They would have to work out their issues later. Right now, Buffy just wanted to keep kissing him, keep holding him and never let go. She had almost forgotten how good his lips felt against hers, how he completed her in a way she hadn’t thought possible. Like she had been missing a piece of herself and somehow, miraculously, found it.

She wanted him. Right here and now. Nothing else mattered; it was just the two of them left in the world. Suddenly she didn’t think she could wait another second for Spike to be inside her. And she was ready. How could she not be, when she felt like her whole life had been leading up to this very moment?


TBC

”Buffy...” Reluctantly pulling back a little, Spike could feel how she immediately tensed up in his arms. He hesitated, not sure what to do next. Not only had Buffy agreed to come back here to his apartment, but she was also sitting on his couch, willingly returning his kiss. And judging by the way she had gently been tugging at the edge of his shirt, she wanted more.

He wanted to ask her if she knew what she was doing, if she was sure about this, but no words came out. All of a sudden, talking seemed like a very bad idea, mostly because he was certain that whatever he would be able to come up with would ruin the moment.

Suddenly he was convinced that any moment now, she would come to her senses and run away, so he tightened his arms around her in a desperate attempt to prevent her from leaving. But to his great relief, he felt her relax again, melting into his embrace with a contented sigh.

She put her head down on his shoulder and he started stroking her hair, mostly to keep his hands busy. Truth to be told, he wanted nothing more than to just scoop her up in his arms, carry her over to the ridiculously small bed and shag her silly. And he had a feeling Buffy wouldn’t object.

Yet he remained where he was, repeatedly running his trembling hand over her soft, golden hair. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was terrified. Terrified of making the wrong move; one that would most likely drive her away for good. She was so close now, finally within his reach, and he had no idea what to do about it.

“Please, Spike...” She lifted her head from his shoulder, looking right into his eyes. And he was lost. There was no way he could ever deny Buffy anything when she was looking at him like that. Certain that his voice would fail him if he tried to speak, he simply responded by kissing her again.

Buffy’s lips parted slightly, allowing their tongues to meet. She was a little surprised by the pleading note in her voice, but she had noticed Spike’s sudden hesitation and it scared her. Didn’t he want her anymore? Deep down, she knew that was not the case. Spike still loved her; he had said so himself a minute ago. But clearly, something was bothering him.

She wanted to ask him what it was, but then again, she had a feeling she already knew. Everything had happened so quickly; he probably feared that she would end up regretting it later, should they take things to the next level. It wouldn’t be the first time. Determined to prove him wrong, she shifted her position a little, her lips never losing contact with his as they fell back on the couch, him on top of her.

When Spike pulled back again, she nearly screamed in frustration, until she realized he had started unbuttoning her pants. He kept his eyes on her face the whole time, as if to make sure she was really okay with his actions. She found it touching, but at the same time a little amusing, seeing how she was the one ready to jump his bones.

Somewhere at the back of her mind, a little voice was telling her it might be better to wait. But she didn’t want to listen. Hell, hadn’t they both waited long enough? She knew exactly what she wanted, and she wasn’t going to let another second go to waste. Struggling with the button of his jeans, she finally managed to get them off.

Spike kicked his jeans to the side with an impatient grunt. At last he seemed to comprehend the fact that she wasn’t going to run – nor kick him in the head – when it was over, he clearly couldn’t wait to be with her. She let out a gasp as his hard cock easily slid inside her, mimicking his movements as he started thrusting up and down.

“Oh, God!” Buffy closed her eyes, unable to hold back a whimper as she felt him moving inside her.

“Gonna make you come, luv,” Spike whispered huskily into her ear, letting the tip of his tongue trace her collarbone in a way that caused her to shiver with pleasure.

It hit Buffy how well they fitted together, him filling her up completely. Somehow, it felt to her like the first time all over again. And at the same time, there was something almost achingly familiar about the sensation of Spike’s body pressed against hers. God, how she had missed this. How she had missed him.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, not caring how needy or desperate it made her sound. Her fingers were digging into his shoulders as she tried to pull him even closer, her nails scratching his skin hard enough to draw blood, although neither of them noticed.

He didn’t respond, instead just kept slamming into her over and over again while letting his mouth explore and devour every single inch of her upper body. Running his tongue over one of her stiff nipples, he felt her shudder beneath him.

“Spike...” She breathed his name, like a wish or possibly a prayer. Reaching for the back of his neck, she pulled him in for a deep kiss, only to pull back with a soft moan and she threw her head back against the cushion as she was hit by wave after wave of pure pleasure.

Afterwords, for a couple of minutes, neither of them spoke. Although he had eased himself out, Spike was still lying on top of her, his face buried in the crook of her neck. Buffy pressed her cheek against his head, her fingers running slowly through his bleached blond curls. She was panting hard, feeling like her entire body had been completely drained of energy.

After a time Spike raised his head a little, watching her closely. “You okay, pet?”

She couldn’t help it; she burst out laughing. “Oh, God, are you serious?”

He chuckled, a little embarrassed. “Yeah, well, you’re being awfully quiet. Was afraid I broke you.”

A soft giggle escaped her. “Nope. Not broken.” She was silent for a moment before adding, “Happy.”

“Yeah?” He didn’t even try to hide the hopeful note in his voice. When she nodded, he grinned. “Makes two of us, then.”

Buffy gave him a somewhat sleepy smile before pouting a little. “Tired, though. Feel like I could sleep for a week.”

“Wore you out, did I?” He sounded proud, and not the least bit regretful. When she rolled her eyes and playfully swatted his arm, he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “You sleep for a while, luv. ‘M a bit knackered, myself.”

“Are you sure?” Buffy asked, failing to suppress a yawn. When he nodded, she closed her eyes, her arms immediately slipping around him as if to keep him from going anywhere. A moment later, she was deep asleep.

Although he was tired as well, Spike wouldn’t allow himself to fall asleep. Instead he just lay there, watching Buffy’s face as she slept next to him. She looked more peaceful than he could ever remember seeing her before. “I love you,” he whispered, although he knew she wouldn’t be able to hear him.

Deep down, there was still a small part of him that couldn’t help but fear the worst. That was one of the reasons why he wouldn’t let himself go to sleep, half expecting Buffy to be gone when he woke up. Because good things like this didn’t just happen to him. He may have gotten the girl, but he didn’t dare hope he would get to keep her.

Of course, he didn’t find the idea of voicing his fears to Buffy very appealing. The last thing he wanted was to come out as some self-conscious nancy-boy. Sadly, along with the soul came the painful realization that he could never be truly worthy of her. Even though he had been fighting on the side of good for years now, he was still a vampire who had done horrible things in the past. It was just easy to forget, sometimes.

Buffy mumbled something in her sleep, stirring a little beside him. Without thinking, he reached out his hand towards her face, softly caressing her cheek with his thumb. He may not deserve her, but he loved her, from the bottom of his un-beating heart. And she had feelings for him. She had told him that she never wanted to be apart from him again. But did that mean she could love him?

Spike didn’t know what to think. He realized he and Buffy still had a lot of talking to do. Maybe it was finally time to clear the air between them, once and for all and hope for the best. It would have to wait until morning, though. With any luck, she would still be there by then.


TBC

”Angel?”

Angel looked up as Wesley carefully peeked through the crack of the door. “Hey, Wes. What’s up?”

“You tell me.” The former watcher stepped into the office, quickly closing the door behind him. “There are three large Quibaka demons out there and they don’t appear to be very happy. Apparently they had an appointment, and they clearly don’t like being kept waiting.”

“What?” Angel frowned. “That was today?”

Wesley threw a nervous glance over his shoulder, as if expecting the demons to break through the door any moment. “Judging by the way they seemed ready to start tearing the whole place apart, I would say yes.”

“Dammit!” Angel sighed. “Why the hell didn’t Harmony tell me? It’s her job!”

“Um...” Wesley hesitated for a moment. “I haven’t seen her this morning. Her desk was empty when I walked by.”

“Oh, great!” Angel snarled. “Tell me again why you thought hiring Harmony was such a good idea?”

“Well...” Wesley chose his words carefully. “Harmony may be somewhat annoying, but I haven’t heard any real complaints. And she gets the job done.”

“Sure.” The vampire let out a snort. “When she bothers to show up.” Wesley opened his mouth but Angel cut him off, “Never mind. Wes, find Rowan. I need someone to be out there answering the damn phones. I’ll go talk to the...” Seeing the other man’s expression, he stopped, an impatient look on his face. “What now?”

“I’m afraid Rowan called in sick this morning.” Wesley sounded a little concerned as he went on, “He complained about having a terrible headache. Maybe-”

Angel held up a hand to stop him. “I don’t have time for this. Okay, I need you to stall the Quibakas, only for a few minutes while I get hold of Buffy.”

Wesley didn’t seem pleased about having to go back out there, but nodded. “Very well. But I expect you to hurry.” Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped outside.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Angel reached for the phone on his desk, quickly dialing Buffy’s number. A signal went through, followed by another. Then there was a clicking sound at the other end as someone had just picked up. And Angel knew his day couldn’t possibly get any worse when he immediately recognized the voice; “Top of the mornin’ Peaches!”


~ ~ ~


Rowan was sitting in the bar, quickly downing his second beer. It was only eight in the morning, but luckily for him, most of the demon bars kept their doors open around the clock. He had called Wesley about an hour ago, claiming to be too sick to come to work today. In a way, it wasn’t really a lie. He sure felt sick to his stomach when he recalled the events of last night.

To tell the truth, he didn’t think he would be able to go on much longer. He kept telling himself there was nothing wrong with his actions – that the harmless demons he kept luring into Morou’s trap weren’t really as innocent as they seemed. How could they be? They were demons. Then again, so was Spike, Angel and Lorne.

And Harmony. Rowan swallowed, hard. He didn’t even really like the female vampire; he had simply brought her home because she had been convenient. Eager to please him. And this was the way he had repaid her. Rowan squeezed his eyes shut, desperate to keep the image of Harmony’s smiling face out of his head. God, what kind of person was he?

He opened his eyes, spotted the bartender and waved him over. “Another beer, please. Keep them coming.”


~ ~ ~


When Buffy’s cell phone started ringing inside her purse, Spike had simply intended to turn it off, not wanting the shrill sound to wake her up. But when he cast a look at the display and realized who was on the other end of the line, he just couldn’t resist the temptation. Unable to keep a huge grin from spreading on his face, he picked up after the second ring. “Top of the mornin’ Peaches!”

“Spike?” There was a doubtful note in the dark-haired vampire’s voice. “Where’s Buffy? Why are you answering her phone?”

Spike was going to enjoy this, no question about it. “Sorry, mate, Buffy’s still asleep.” If only he could see the look on Angel’s face, then his day would be complete. No wait, make that his week. Oh bloody hell, who was he kidding? His entire year! “I’ll be happy to take a message,” he finished smoothly, waiting for the explosion.

Much to his disappointment, it didn’t come. When Angel finally spoke, he sounded very tired. Or possibly just defeated. “You spent the night with her.” It was more a statement than a question.

“That I did.” Spike hesitated. Although a part of him wanted to gloat, rub Angel’s face in the fact that Buffy had chosen him, he didn’t like the idea of using her like that. If Buffy wanted to fill Angel in on any further details, he would gladly approve. But it would have to be her decision. He rolled his eyes. Having a soul really sucked sometimes.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Well, since I doubt there’s anything I can help you with, might as well-“

“Actually...” Angel interrupted him, causing Spike to frown. “Harmony didn’t show up this morning. The phones are ringing off the hook and I have three over-sized demons about to wreak havoc out in the lobby.” He let out a deep sigh. “Just tell Buffy I called.”

“Hold on.” Spike looked over his shoulder to make sure Buffy was still sleeping before he went on, “What are you on about? What’s that about Harm?”

“She’s not here. Nobody’s heard from her since yesterday.” Angel paused before continuing. “Might just be a coincidence, but...”

“But not very likely,” Spike agreed. “Right, then. Talked to Rowan? He sense anything?”

“He’s not here, either.” Angel was starting to sound impatient. “Called in sick this morning and I don’t have time to try and get hold of him right now. Didn’t you hear me, Spike? This place is turning into total chaos!”

“Always been a bloody drama-queen,” Spike pointed out, sarcastically. Seeing how Buffy started to stir in the bed, he lowered his voice. “All right, look. Sun’s up, but I think I’ll be able to get to Rowan’s place if I take the sewers. Think Harmony’s left some personal stuff on her desk?”

Angel thought for a moment. “Might have. I’ll look into it.” Not waiting for a response, he hung up the phone and hurried out of the office.


~ ~ ~


“Spike?” Buffy’s eyes snapped open. She pouted when she noticed she was alone in the bed, until she turned her head and her eyes landed on the vampire, who was sitting on the couch a few feet away. It really was a tiny apartment.

He jumped up when he realized she was awake, took a step towards her and then stopped, hesitating a little. “Mornin’ luv.”

“Hey.” She smiled a little. “Do I smell coffee?”

“Oh, um...” Spike glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah. Figured you might be hungry, so I went to the store before you woke up.” He looked a little embarrassed as he continued, “Would’ve gotten you a pop-tart or some frozen waffles but I don’t have a bloody toaster, so...” He hurried over to the small kitchen table and picked up a brown paper bag. “Hope you like donuts.”

“You got me breakfast?” Buffy instantly melted. She started to get up, then frowned. “Wait a minute. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep on the couch. How did I...?” She eyed him suspiciously. “Did you carry me here?”

“Well, yeah.” Spike got a somewhat sheepish expression on his face. “Just thought you might be a bit more comfortable sleeping in a real bed, is all.”

“Oh. Okay.” She was quiet for a moment and he could almost see the wheels turning in her head. “Did you sleep here as well?”

Spike shrugged. “Dozed off a couple of times but that’s about it.” He didn’t find it necessary to tell her he had spent most of the night watching her sleep. Deciding it was time to change the subject, he asked, “So, got any big plans for today?” Before she got the chance to respond, he remembered something. “Oh, by the way, Angel called.”

Buffy gave him a startled look. “Angel?”

He nodded, wishing he knew what she was thinking. “Harmony’s missing. Told the big git I’d go pay Rowan a visit, see if he can sense something.”

Immediately forgetting all about Angel, Buffy stared at him, eyes narrowing. “So, your ex disappears and you have to go play search party?”

“What?” Spike gave her a look of confusion. “Buffy...”

“Never mind.” Buffy let out a sigh. “Sorry. It’s just that when I think about the two of you together, I... Ugh! Makes me wanna go slay something.”

“Guess Harmony has that effect on people.” Spike couldn’t help but chuckle. “Look, Buffy, I promise-“

“I know.” She smiled a little. “You love me, right?”

He became serious. “I do.”

Watching him for a moment, Buffy finally nodded in understanding. “Spike, I-“

“Don’t,” he interrupted with a pleading look on his face.

“But...” She stopped, biting her lip thoughtfully. “Okay, what are you doing tonight?”

“Um...” Spike raised a brow. “Hopefully you.” He smirked.

Buffy wasn’t fooled by his cocky attempt of covering up, knowing he had been expecting another ‘I don’t know what I feel’ speech. Truth to be told, she hadn’t really known what to tell him. She wondered why it had to be so hard for her to just say the words. It wasn’t like she’d never told him before. Of course, he had been dying at the time.

She decided to ignore his comment. “I was just thinking, maybe we could have dinner together again. Here, at your place.” She lowered her eyes. “I can cook.” Seeing the doubtful look on his face, she rolled her eyes and added, “Or I can order take-out.”

Spike’s face softened and he reached out, gently cupping her cheek. “Sound’s great, pet. You got yourself a date.” The genuine smile on her face made him feel warm inside. Walking over to a small dresser next to the bed, he opened the top drawer and pulled out a key. “Here. Take this.” He shrugged, suddenly feeling a little awkward. “’Case you need to get in and I’m not back.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Buffy took the small key, suddenly aware of how much her hands were shaking. For some reason, she felt like a teenager all over again. A teenager in love for the first time. She felt like her head was spinning. She was in love with Spike, and it was time to let him know. But first, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Tonight, she decided. Tonight she was finally going to tell him.


TBC

”What happened?” Buffy gestured towards the pieces of broken furniture and various debris scattered around the lobby.

“Quibaka demons. Don’t ask.” Angel sighed. ”Buffy, I’m glad you’re here. I need you to answer the phones for an hour or so. I have an important meeting at the other side of town and I need to be there in...” He checked his watch. “Ten minutes ago. Dammit!“

”I’m the Slayer, Angel, not your personal secretary.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Seriously, you must have hundreds of people working here. Surely you can find someone capable of answering a phone.” She paused. “Besides, I’m busy today.”

“Really?” Angel folded his arms over his chest. “What’s so important that it can’t wait an hour or two?”

“Honestly? That’s none of your business.” Ignoring the hurt look on Angel’s face, Buffy continued, “Angel, we need to talk. I know you don’t like the idea of me and Spike together, but frankly-“

“All right, just stop right there.” Angel cut her off. “You’re right – I don’t like it. Not one bit. I don’t like Spike. In fact, if he got wiped off the face of the earth tomorrow, I’d be the first to celebrate. But you do whatever you want. It’s your life, Buffy. I can’t tell you what to do, or who to be with. So let’s just leave it there. I don’t have time for this.” He tried to step past her.

Eyes narrowing in fury, Buffy quickly blocked his way. “Oh, you don’t have time? Guess what, Angel? Not everything’s about you. Now, I have something to say, and you’re going to listen. I don’t give a damn about your stupid meeting. Five minutes. You owe me that much.”

Angel opened his mouth, clearly about to protest, and then seemed to decide against it. He let out an unneeded breath. “Fine. Talk.”

“Okay.” Buffy hesitated for a moment, a little taken aback. To tell the truth, she had expected him to put up more of a fight. “Look, I’m just gonna come right out and say this. I love Spike. And...” She stopped with a frown. “Wow. Saying it out loud like that felt really good.”

“That’s great.” Angel’s expression clearly indicated that he didn’t share her enthusiasm. “I’m sure it will end well.” Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it, pointing his finger at her accusingly. “You were supposed to be cookie dough! You’re not baked yet.”

“You know what?” She had actually forgotten all about that ridiculous cookie analogy. It felt like a lifetime ago. Angel on the other hand obviously hadn’t. It was time to clear the air, once and for all. “I’m baked, Angel. I’m cookies. I’m not asking you to be happy for me. I wish you could be, but I’m being realistic here. All I ask is for you to respect my decision.”

Angel muttered something she couldn’t make out. When she raised her eyebrows expectantly, he repeated his words, a little louder this time. “Do I have a choice?”

“About accepting the fact that Spike and I are together? No.” Buffy looked him right in the eyes. “I know you and Spike don’t get along. I don’t care. You said so yourself – it’s my life.”

“Sure. Take my words and throw them back in my face,” Angel grumbled, sulkily. Although when he glanced at her, he appeared to be at least somewhat ashamed.

Buffy was quiet for a moment. “We’ve been through a lot together, Angel. I was in love with you once. You still mean a lot to me. I’d like us to stay friends, but if you force me to choose between you and Spike...” She left the rest of the sentence hanging.

Angel lowered his eyes. He knew then that he had really lost her. It hurt; there was no point in denying it. But at the same time, he felt almost a little relieved, like he had just been waiting for Buffy to tell him that it was all right to move on. Truth be told, he had been doing just fine without her since he left Sunnydale. But that didn’t mean he liked the idea of her moving on with Spike of all people.

He sighed. “You mean a lot to me, too, Buffy. I want you to be happy. But...” Angel gave her a pleading look as a final attempt of making her see things from his perspective. “Are you sure you’re in love with him? I mean, it’s Spike! He’s...” He hesitated, clearly searching for the right word. “He’s an idiot!”

Having almost expected a punch in the face for insulting the bleached blond vampire, Angel was surprised when Buffy actually smiled a little. “Well, I guess he’s my idiot, then.”

Angel watched her in silence before continuing. “If he breaks your heart, I’ll be the first to say ‘I told you so’.”

“Fair enough.” Buffy nodded in agreement. For a moment, neither of them said anything.

“So...” Realizing Buffy’s mind was made up and nothing he could say or do would convince her otherwise, Angel decided it was time to change the subject. “Mind telling me now about your important plans for today?”

“Oh!” Buffy’s face brightened. “I’m going shopping!”


~ ~ ~


Spike was standing outside Rowan’s door, waiting impatiently for the blond man to open. When nothing happened, he threw a discreet look over his shoulder to make sure no one was around. Then he pulled out the small credit card he had found in one of Harmony’s desk drawers at Wolfram and Hart. It only took him a brief moment to get the door open.

“Hey, Rowan! You here, mate?” Spike slipped inside, closing the door behind him. According to Angel, Rowan had called in sick, so he should be home. Maybe he was sleeping. Stepping further into the house, Spike listened carefully for any sign of life. But the house was completely silent.

He was heading towards the stairs when something made him look in the other direction and he noticed a small, shiny object on the floor. Making his way across the room, he bent down to get a closer look. As he picked it up, he realized it was a tiny, golden charm, shaped as a unicorn.

“What the...?” Spike stood up with a frown, not sure what to think. He immediately recognized the small piece of jewelry, remembering how Harmony had practically shoved her arm in his face a few days ago, happily jabbering about the ‘totally gorgeous hottie’ who had given her the bracelet, clearly intending to make him jealous.

So, apparently Harmony had been here at Rowan’s house. And maybe she was still around. That would explain why neither of them had showed up at Wolfram and Hart this morning. Spike grinned. Rowan was known for being somewhat of a womanizer, but he had never shown any particular interest in shagging vampires or demons before. First time for everything, Spike thought.

Of course, he could just be jumping to conclusions and there could be another reason for Rowan to bring Harmony back to his place. However, Spike couldn’t for his un-life figure out what. Maybe Rowan just really enjoyed her company? Yeah, right! Spike snorted. Not bloody likely.

As he absently let the charm slip down in his pocket, he suddenly detected something he hadn’t noticed before. This wasn’t the first time he had been at Rowan’s house, but it was the first time he had seen the wooden door in front of him, half hidden behind a thick, red curtain.

For some reason, the door seemed out of place in the large room. Spike cocked his head to the side, reaching out to try the handle. The door opened easily, revealing a long staircase that seemed to lead down to some sort of basement. He was just about to close the door again and continue his search for Rowan when something made him stop.

Spike didn’t know what was down there, but whatever it was, it was bad. Real bad. He didn’t sense any kind of magic, but there was something else. Something evil and powerful. He found himself wondering what the hell was going on.

Carefully stepping through the doorway, Spike stopped at the top of the stairs. “Rowan?” He hesitated for a moment. “Harm?” No response. Not that he had really expected one. He couldn’t quite explain it, but something down there seemed to be calling out to him. And it was strong.

Suddenly he realized he was halfway down the stairs and froze in his tracks. It was dark, but he could see a large, stone door at the bottom of the stairs. “Sod this,” he mumbled to himself. “’M not going in there.” Despite his words, he kept moving forward. A moment later, he was standing in front of the door.

And as the door immediately swung open before he had even touched it, Spike knew that he was in trouble.


TBC

“Thanks for coming along, Fred.” Buffy picked up a green, silky halterneck top, staring at it critically before putting it back on the hanger. Her eyes moved to a red, spaghetti strap dress with a deep V-shape neckline and she rushed over to get a closer look. “Oh, wow! Look at this!”

Walking up behind her, Fred reached out and ran her hand over the soft fabric. The two women had spent the last two hours at the shopping mall, and so far, Buffy had politely but firmly rejected every single one of Fred’s helpful suggestions of what to buy for tonight. “It’s beautiful, Buffy. Spike will love it.”

Finally tearing her eyes away from the dress, Buffy glanced at the other woman hopefully, blushing slightly. “You think so?”

“Are you kidding?” Fred stared at her in disbelief. “Buffy, anyone who has eyes can see that Spike’s totally crazy about you. But seriously, I don’t think it really matters what you put on, you know?”

“Yeah.” Buffy nodded in agreement, rolling her eyes. “He’ll just end up tearing it off, anyway.” Seeing the shocked look on Fred’s face, her cheeks turned bright red. “But clearly that’s not what you meant and now I kinda feel like a slut.”

“No.” Fred let out a nervous laugh. “Buffy, don’t take this the wrong way. If you like the dress, then I say go for it. It’ll look great on you. But if you ask me, you should-“

“You’re absolutely right.” Buffy cut her off, her eyes darting around the store. “What I really need is a new set of lingerie. Something sexy. Something that screams...” Her voice trailed off as she noticed Fred’s somewhat amused expression. “What?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just...” Fred hesitated, giving her a soft smile. “Sweetie, I know you want everything to be perfect tonight. But don’t you see? You don’t have to buy new clothes and lingerie to impress Spike. He loves you just the way you are. I’m pretty sure you could show up all covered in mud with a brown paper bag over your head, and he would still think you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Buffy stepped away from the expensive dress and turned around to face Fred. “I know that. I’m not trying to impress him. That’s not what this is about.”

“Oh.” Fred seemed a little confused. “Then why...?”

“Look...” Buffy hesitated for a moment. “I know you think this whole thing with me and Spike’s all sweet and romantic. Lost lovers, finally finding their way back together. Right?”

“Sure.” Fred nodded, although suddenly appearing to be a little uncertain. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know, Fred. About me and Spike, and our past.” Buffy worried her bottom lip between her teeth, contemplating on how much she should reveal. “Look, the thing is, we’ve both made a lot of mistakes. We’ve both treated each other horribly.”

“I understand, Buffy. I really do.” Fred put her hand on Buffy’s arm. “But things are different, now. I mean, God, Spike went and got his soul back for you. That has to be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard!” She got a dreamy expression on her face.

Quickly casting a look over her shoulder to make sure no one else was listening, Buffy looked Fred straight in the eyes, her expression suddenly dead serious. “You’re right. He did that because he almost did something really bad. To make sure he would never hurt me in any way again.”

Fred opened her mouth, but Buffy wasn’t finished. “You think you understand, Fred, but you don’t. How could you?” She paused. “Yes, Spike did that for me. Because he hurt me. But you know what? I hurt him, too.”

“Okay.” Fred was quiet for a moment. “Buffy, I’m sure Spike doesn’t think-“

“Spike hurt me, and then he got his soul back for me,” Buffy repeated, slowly, like she was talking to a small child. “I hurt him, and I haven’t even told him I’m sorry.”


~ ~ ~


Although the smell of demon blood and decomposing body parts was thick in the air, Spike was still not prepared for the sight that met him as he stopped in the doorway at the bottom of the stairs, looking into the small room. The walls and the floor were almost completely covered with blood in different colors. He spotted demon entrails and a small pile of some unidentified yellow substance in the middle of the room. And over by the far wall...

Eyes widening in surprise and disbelief, Spike forgot to be on his guard and stepped into the room. The female vampire was facing away from him, curled up on her side in a fetal position. She wasn’t moving, and she made no sign of hearing him approaching her. He stopped a few feet away, hesitating for a moment before dropping to his knees next to her. “Harmony?”

She immediately tensed up, but didn’t move right away. It took almost a minute before she slowly turned her head in his direction, blinking a couple of times as if she had a hard time to get her eyes to focus on him. Then her cracked lips parted, although no sound came out at first. Finally she managed to croak, weakly, “S-Spike?”

As Spike’s eyes ran over Harmony’s body, he realized she was in a really bad shape. Judging by the pale, almost grey color of her skin, she had been drained nearly dry. Her clothes had been torn to shreds and he could see large cakes of dried blood tangled in her blonde hair. She also had several nasty looking burn marks on her cheeks and forehead. And her arms and legs were badly bruised.

Not quite sure what to do at first, he reached out and awkwardly patted her arm. “Yeah, ‘s me. It’ll be okay. Just...” His voice trailed off as he threw an alarmed look over his shoulder and watched the large stone door closing silently, as if moved by an invisible hand. Quickly jumping to his feet, he rushed across the room, but it was too late.

Throwing himself against the heavy door a couple of times, Spike vamped out and let out a furious roar when it wouldn’t budge. There was no handle on this side and he cursed himself for not noticing sooner. Closing his eyes and silently counting to ten, he then took a step back, contemplating his options. Unfortunately, there were none.

“Oh, God...” Harmony struggled to sit up, her eyes wide with fear. She seemed a little less dazed, although she was clearly still very weak. “Spike, you have to get me out of here! Hurry, before he comes back!”

Spike spun around, quickly made his way over to her and crouched down so they were on the same level. “What the bloody hell are you talking about? Before who comes back? Rowan? He the one who did this to you?”

“No!” Harmony shook her head, grabbing Spike’s arm to keep him from moving away. “It’s not Rowan. It’s...” She hesitated. “It’s someone else. I think...” Her eyes met his and she swallowed, her voice trembling as she continued. “Spike, I think Rowan’s dead.”


~ ~ ~


Fred was quiet for a moment, allowing the meaning of Buffy’s words to sink in. Finally she spoke up. “Buffy, it’s okay. I mean, nobody’s perfect. You just said so yourself – you have both made mistakes. I know Spike doesn’t blame you for any of this.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” Buffy protested. “How could he not blame me? God, he should be hating me!”

“I see.” Fred nodded slowly in understanding. “And do you hate him?”

Buffy’s mouth opened, and then closed again. Lowering her eyes, she finally mumbled, “No.”

“Because you love him.” It wasn’t a question.

Sighing, Buffy reluctantly raised her head, her eyes meeting Fred’s. “Yes.”

“So, what makes Spike so different from you?” Fred crossed her arms over her chest, watching Buffy expectantly. “You can forgive him, but he can’t forgive you?”

“When you put it like that...” Buffy bit her lip, a thoughtful look on her face. Then she threw her arms up in frustration. “But you’re missing the whole point, Fred. Sure, Spike may have forgiven me a long time ago. Maybe you’re right; maybe he doesn’t blame me. But that doesn’t mean...” She stopped, not sure how to explain.

Fred remained silent, obviously waiting for her to go on. Buffy let out a sigh. “Fred, I have to make sure everything will be absolutely perfect tonight. I can’t afford to screw this up. I need to make Spike realize how much effort I’m putting into this dinner. Make him see how serious I am about this. And then when I...” She looked away.

The brunette raised her eyebrows, giving Buffy a questioning look. “And then when you... what?”

Stubbornly blinking away the tears threatening to fall, Buffy whispered, “When I tell him this time, then maybe he’ll actually believe me.”


TBC

”What makes you think Rowan’s dead?” Spike kept moving around the small room, stopping every now and then to kick the door or throw a punch at the brick wall. He refused to accept that they were really trapped – there had to be a way out. And he intended to find it.

“Oh.” Harmony shrugged and ran a shaky hand through her messy hair, grimacing as she tried to comb it out with her fingers. “He left me a note this morning, asking me to meet him down in the basement. Door was open, so I...” She lowered her eyes. “Well, he’s not here. The beast probably killed him.”

“What beast?” Spike was starting to lose his patience. There was something down here, all right, he could feel it. But something about Harmony’s theory didn’t quite add up. For one thing, why would Rowan want to meet up with her in the basement of all places? And writing a note? It just didn’t make any sense.

In fact, the more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed that Rowan had set her up. But for what purpose?

Wrapping her arms protectively around herself, Harmony’s frightened eyes darted over the room. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “He looks like a man, but he can’t be. I don’t think he’s a vampire, either. He’s strong. Real strong.”

Spike raised a scarred brow, expectantly. “So, where is he now?”

“I don’t know.” Harmony was trembling. “He’s evil, Spike. Really evil. We need to get out, now!”

“Yeah, well, I’m workin’ on it, aren’t I?” To tell the truth, Spike was at a loss for what to do at the moment, but he wasn’t ready to admit it. He wasn’t really worried, though - he had been in worse situations before. And he had yet to meet a beast strong enough to take him down. Hell, he had been up against the First Evil. This one couldn’t be so bad.

“Work faster, then.” Harmony’s voice had taken a whiny note, which Spike started to find most annoying. “He’ll come back soon, and if we’re still around, he’ll kill us both!”

“Oh, for the love of...” Spike clenched his fists. “Would you just stop yammering? I’ll get us out of here, all right? Got a date tonight and I don’t intend to miss it.”

Harmony’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “A date? With the Slayer?” She let out a snort of disgust.

“That’s right.” Spike gave her a warning look. “I’ve got a date with the Slayer and I’m not going to stand her up. Now I need to think, and I can’t do that if you won’t shut your gob. So if you don’t want me to leave you here with the beast when I find a way out, then I suggest you just stay where you are and shut up!”

With her eyes starting to well up, Harmony said, “You don’t have to be so mean! Do you have any idea what I’ve been through here in this place?” When Spike just turned his back against her and went back to examining the door, she slumped back against the wall with a miserable sigh.

A couple of minutes passed in silence. Harmony obediently remained on the floor, watching the bleached blond vampire with a mixture of interest and wariness. Finally she spoke up, quietly, “You wouldn’t really leave me here, would you, Spikey?”

He turned to look at her, about to respond with some sarcastic remark, but the fear in her eyes made him stop. Letting out a sigh, he shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t.”

She gave him a watery smile. “Oh, good!” She twisted her hair around her finger. “I knew you cared about me.”

Spike opened his mouth, then closed it again, not bothering to comment. Instead he just shook his head in frustration. He was beginning to get the sinking feeling that there was simply no way out of this room, that their only chance of escaping would be for someone to come looking for them. At least – so far – there had been no sign of any beast.

Not that he would actually mind kicking a little demon ass at the moment. In fact, he just found the idea more and more appealing by the minute. Then again, it didn’t necessarily have to be demon, Spike thought grimly. Right now, he would gladly settle for Rowan.


~ ~ ~


Buffy was humming to herself as she put the bottle of wine in the fridge and then went to set the table. Spike would most likely not be back for a couple of hours, but she wanted everything to be prepared. When she was done, she took a step back, pleased with what she had accomplished.

She had bought almost a dozen candles and placed them all around the room. The small – but surprisingly comfortable – bed was made with the new satin sheets she had bought the same day at the mall. And the food would arrive in about an hour. Buffy couldn’t keep an excited smile from appearing on her face. It was time to hit the shower and start getting ready.


~ ~ ~


A couple of hours later, Rowan stumbled through the front door, swaying dangerously as he shrugged out of his jacket and let it drop to the floor. “Home, fucking home,” he muttered. Having spent most part of the day in a blissful alcohol induced fog, the harsh reality came crashing down as soon as he closed the door behind him.

Knowing that he most likely had the mother of all hangovers to look forward to in the morning, he resisted the urge to immediately head into the kitchen and get himself another drink, preferably something stronger than the cheap beers he had been consuming all day at the demon bar. Instead he slowly made his way across the living room, heading for the stairs.

Putting an unsteady hand on the railing to support himself as he started climbing the stairs, Rowan suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned to look over his shoulder. Noticing that the red curtain was pulled aside and the door leading down to the basement was half open, his eyes darkened and he reluctantly went back down.

If any part of him had been hoping that Harmony hadn’t found his note on the pillow, that she had simply woken up and left, Rowan was now forced to face the truth. She was down there. He had done it again. Closing his eyes, he desperately tried to fight back the wave of nausea threatening to well up inside him.

There was a pretty good chance Harmony was still alive. Rowan had learned that Morou tended to keep his ‘toys’ around for at least twelve hours. He took a hesitant step forward, and then stopped in the doorway. Who was he kidding? Sure, he could go down there and confront Morou, plead with the monster to let Harmony go. But then what?

Even if he would actually be able to convince the creature in the basement to spare Harmony – which he seriously doubted – Morou would still demand a new victim tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Deep down, Rowan suspected that he had no choice but to spend the rest of his miserable life as the devil’s servant. With his mind finally made up, he took a step back and closed the door.

Rowan ignored the little voice in his head screaming at him to stand up for himself and do the right thing, even if it killed him. Not that he liked his life very much, especially not at the moment, but still, he didn’t want to die. For a long time after losing Julie, the thought of dying hadn’t really scared him. But what if – even in death – Morou would somehow find a way to keep him in his evil claws?

Suddenly a horrifying thought occurred to Rowan. All this time, he had been convinced that he kept fighting on the side of good. But what if he had been wrong? What if he was the one who was evil; doomed to betray the ones who had never done a thing to hurt him? He tried to push the thought away, but it was hard.

All of a sudden, he was hit by a wave of exhaustion, so strong it nearly made his legs give way. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the small key and quickly locked the door. His hands were shaking badly as he grabbed the edge of the thick curtain and pulled it in front of the door, stubbornly telling himself there was nothing else he could do but to forget about Harmony and go to sleep.


~ ~ ~


“You know, if you had a cell phone, we could call someone.” When Spike didn’t even dignify her statement with an answer, Harmony gave him a hopeful look and asked, “Do you have a cell phone?”

“No.” Leaning his head back against the wall, Spike fought the urge to growl in frustration. He could no longer fool himself; the door wasn’t going to magically open and allow them to leave. He was trapped here in this bleeding basement, with Harmony of all people. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Buffy was probably sitting in his apartment right now waiting for him, and getting more pissed off by the minute.

“We’re gonna die.” A whimper escaped Harmony’s throat. “We’re both gonna die here, and there’s nothing...” Her voice trailed off and her eyes suddenly widened in absolute terror. “Oh God! Did you hear that?!”

“Hear what?” Spike sat up straight, tilting his head to the side. As he listened closely, he could make out a low, humming sound, and in the next moment, he felt the air around him expand and contract rhythmically, almost like a heartbeat. He gave Harmony a questioning look.

She swallowed, hard. “He’s coming.”




TBC

Spike watched in fascination as a tall, slim, dark-haired man materialized in the middle of the room. Or, to be more accurate, it had obviously taken the appearance of a man, but Spike wasn’t fooled. Even if it hadn’t been for those black eyes, shifting into red, he had still been able to tell there was nothing human about this creature.

Some sort of demon, then, he thought. Glancing at Harmony, he saw how she seemed to shrink back against the wall, her eyes squeezed shut and her entire body trembled in fear. He turned back to look at the demon again. Looks could be deceiving, he was well aware of that, but this one sure didn’t look that bad.

“What have we here?” It suddenly spoke in a low, guttural voice. “Another toy? Morou is pleased.”

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say.” Keeping his eyes on the demon, Spike got to his feet. “Can you open the door?”

The demon watched him with something that looked like interest, or possibly amusement. “Yes.”

Ignoring Harmony’s fearful moan, Spike raised a brow. “Then open it.”

After a brief moment of silence, Morou shook his head. “No,” he calmly stated.

Spike sighed. “All right, let me rephrase that. Open the door, and I won’t hurt you.”

“Stop it,” Harmony whispered pleadingly from her position on the floor. “You’ll just make him angry.”

Morou looked at Harmony, then turned his attention back to Spike. “Empty threats. You are nothing down here, vampire. Morou’s rules - not yours. You have no say.”

“We’ll see ‘bout that,” Spike muttered, not too impressed. “Now, listen-“

“You will listen,” the creature interrupted, eyes glowing like fire as he pointed at the closed door. “Morou owns the door.” His arms raised towards the ceiling. “Morou owns the room. And now...” It happened so fast, Spike never got the chance to react. With one swift move, the demon struck out and made him fly across the room, crashing head first into the brick wall. “And now, Morou owns you.”


~ ~ ~


Impatiently pacing back and forth in the tiny apartment, Buffy looked at her watch for what seemed like the fiftieth time. Technically Spike wasn’t late, since he hadn’t told her exactly when he would be home, but it was getting late and she had been ready for hours. Not to mention the fact that the food was getting cold.

Slumping down on the couch, Buffy hesitated for a moment before turning on the TV. She had already tried to call Rowan, hoping he would tell her that Spike had left and was on his way home, but much to her disappointment, she had just gotten the voice mail.

Maybe Rowan had sensed something about Harmony, picked up some sort of trace, and he and Spike had gone to check it out. That could explain why Rowan’s phone had been off. Still, Buffy couldn’t help thinking that if that had been the case, surely Spike would have called her and let her know about it.

Buffy worried her bottom lip between her teeth, not sure what to do. Anger was starting to well up inside her. She and Spike were supposed to have this big, important date tonight, but instead he had to run off searching for his ex. Having already disliked Harmony when she was alive, Buffy now liked her even less as a vampire, seeing how she refused to take the hint and stop ogling Spike.

Of course, deep down, Buffy knew Harmony was no threat to her. Just like she had come to know Spike well enough to realize that if he didn’t show up in time for their date, there had to be a good reason. And he would most likely tell her about it, as soon as he came back.

Firmly telling herself that she had nothing to worry about, that Spike would probably step through the door any moment, Buffy tried to focus on what was happening on the TV screen. But her thoughts kept wandering back to the vampire and she found it next to impossible to concentrate on anything else.


~ ~ ~


“Spikey, wake up! Are you okay? Spike!”

The first thing Spike became aware of as he started coming to was the sound of Harmony’s shrill voice next to his ear. Blinking a couple of times, he groaned and swatted her hand away. “Get off me, ‘m fine!”

She watched as he struggled to sit up and touched his forehead, frowning when he saw the blood on his fingers. “The hell happened?” he demanded, his vision still a little blurry.

“The beast knocked you out.” Harmony paused for a moment. “Um, maybe you shouldn’t move too much. What if you have a concussion?”

Spike stared at her, exasperated. “’M a soddin’ vampire, you daft bint! We don’t get concussions.” He slowly got to his feet, keeping his hand on the wall to steady himself. “Where’d the bastard go? I’ll bloody kill him!”

“He’s gone. For now.” Harmony hesitated. “Um, Spike, don’t take this the wrong way, but you didn’t seem, like, that big of a threat to him. I mean, you were out before you even...” She stopped when she saw the warning look on his face. “Sorry.”

“Took me off guard, is all.” Spike let out a low growl. “Won’t happen again.”

Harmony nodded in understanding, but didn’t appear to be totally convinced. “If you say so.”

“Bloody right, I do!” Spike gave her a hard look. “And the next time, instead of just sitting there, you could try and make yourself useful.” Seeing her confusion, he rolled his eyes and explained, “There’s two of us, and only one of him. Do the math. We can take him.”

Her eyes widened and she shook her head, firmly. “No. No, we can’t.”

Ignoring her objection, Spike went on, “You’ll distract him while I’ll get up behind him and take him down. Son of a bitch won’t know what hit him. Then I’ll make him open the bleedin’ door.”

Harmony kept shaking her head. “Spike-”

“What?!” He glared at her. “Just gonna sit there and wait for him to off you, ‘s that it? Don’t you wanna get out of here?”

“Of course I do! But Spike...” Harmony looked him right in the eyes, sounding almost sympathetic as she continued, “Don’t you get it? There is no way out of here.”

“Bollocks!” Spike snorted. Then his face softened a little. “Look, I said I’d get us out and I bloody well meant it. He can’t be all that powerful; gotta have a weakness and I intend to find out what it is.” He paused. “’Sides, ‘s just a matter of time before Buffy’ll realize I’m gone. They’ll come looking for us.”

“Yeah, for you, maybe.” Harmony’s eyes darkened. “Rowan’s not dead, is he? He was never down here. He tricked me.”

Spike sighed. “Looks that way, yeah.”

“But why?” She sounded so miserable, Spike found himself feeling sorry for her. “Why would he do that to me?”

“Dunno.” Spike was quiet for a moment. “Look, Harm, ‘m not sure what the bloody hell’s going on here, but I have a feeling it’s not just about you, so don’t feel so bad.”

Harmony opened her mouth, then closed it again. She stared at him as she started to put two and two together. “The missing demons?”

Spike nodded. “’Cept I doubt missing’s the right word. I’d say dead’s more likely.”

“Yeah.” Harmony nodded in agreement, shuddering a little. “There’s enough demon blood down here to...” She stopped. “Wait. Does this mean Rowan’s evil?”

Spike closed his eyes for a moment, not sure what to say. The truth was, he liked Rowan. Hell, aside from Buffy and Fred, the blond man was probably the closest thing to a friend he had. The idea of Rowan betraying them like this – pretending to be concerned and help with the searching when in fact he knew exactly what had happened to the demons at Wolfram and Hart – hurt more than Spike wanted to admit.

He had thought he knew what evil looked like, but with Rowan, Spike had not seen it coming. A part of him couldn’t help but hope that it would all just be some kind of misunderstanding, even though he found it hard to believe. Then he decided that it didn’t really matter at the moment. Right now, he needed to focus on getting himself and Harmony away from this place. He could deal with Rowan later.

“Morou is impressed,” the tall demon stated as it suddenly appeared behind them, causing Spike to spin around. “Morou expected you to be out longer. You must be stronger than you look.”

“Better believe it.” Spike glared at him. “You know, I’m really gonna enjoy killing you.” Casting a brief look at Harmony, he noticed that she had backed up against the wall.

“You will do no such thing.” Morou’s mouth twisted into a cold smile. “Morou likes strong toys. They last longer.”

Spike’s eyes narrowed, dangerously. “Not your bleedin’ toy, you miserable piece of shit.”

“Morou will keep you around for a while,” the beast continued, clearly deciding to let Spike’s outburst pass for the time being. He regarded the bleached blond vampire for a moment, and then nodded in confirmation. “You talk a lot, vampire. You need to learn your place.” The demon’s eyes flashed. “Morou will take great pleasure in breaking you.”


TBC

Buffy woke up with a start, finding herself surrounded by total darkness. Sitting up abruptly, she reached blindly for the small table lamp next to the couch and found the light switch. Remembering lighting candles all over the room, she frowned when she noticed they had all burned down. Certain she could not have been asleep for more than a couple of minutes, she looked at her watch.

Her eyes widened in shock. It couldn’t be right. But her watch clearly showed it was almost six o’clock in the morning, which meant she had fallen asleep on the couch and then slept all night. She suspected the sun was already up, although Spike’s apartment didn’t – for obvious reasons – have any windows, so she couldn’t tell for sure.

When her eyes darted around the room, she felt a shiver run down her spine. Something was very wrong. As the time went by last night, she had started getting more and more worried, mean little voices whispering inside her head that Spike had probably changed his mind, that he had gotten second thoughts about their date. And she had become more than a little upset that he hadn’t bothered to call her.

But now she just felt panic welling up inside her, knowing deep down that Spike would never stand her up like that. Something must have happened. Swallowing hard, she managed to find her cell phone, hands shaking slightly, she quickly dialed Rowan’s number. When she once again got the voice mail, she cursed loudly and threw the phone away in frustration.

For a moment, she was at a loss for what to do. Spike didn’t have a phone, so she had no way of contacting him. Finally she grabbed her jacket, picked up the phone again and let it slip down in her pocket, and rushed towards the door.


~ ~ ~


“I don’t feel so good,” Harmony complained, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall.

Spike glanced at her and found himself wondering when she had last eaten. In fact, he was starting to feel a bit peckish himself, although he suspected neither of them would be eating anything for a while. Knowing that vampires could survive without blood for weeks if necessary, he didn’t think he would have to worry about starving anytime soon.

Still, the longer he would go without feeding, the weaker he would become, and he had a feeling he would need his strength now more than ever. Spike thought about Buffy and wondered if she had realized yet that he was missing. When he had told Harmony that Buffy would come looking for him, he had done his best to sound assuring, but the more he thought about it, the more he started to doubt.

Not that he didn’t think she would try. But he couldn’t help but think that the chances of her actually finding them were small. After all, why would anyone come up with the idea of searching here, down in Rowan’s basement? But he wasn’t about to give up, though. No, he would find a way out of this bloody mess.

“Spike?” Harmony’s weak voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he realized she was watching him. “What do you think he’s doing now? Why does he keep disappearing like that?”

Having been wondering the same thing himself, but not coming up with any ideas so far, Spike simply shrugged. “Dunno.”

“He’s probably thinking of horrible ways to kill us,” Harmony continued, wearily rubbing her eyes. She was quiet for a moment. “I really don’t wanna die.”

”You’re a vampire, Harm,” Spike said automatically. “Already dead.”

“Yeah, but...” Harmony hesitated a little. “There’s a difference between being undead and... dead-dead. I kinda like my life as a vampire.” She frowned. “Or my unlife. You know what I mean.”

Spike didn’t answer. Harmony had a point, even though he didn’t like to admit it. He liked his unlife as well. Not that he had any plans of letting some sadistic demon off him in a dark, sodding basement. He had survived a hell of a lot worse through the years. And besides, this time, he had a girl to get back to.

“Time to play,” Morou declared, causing Harmony to let out a strangled shriek. Spike tensed up, angry at himself for not being prepared for the demon’s sudden appearance. He should be used to the bastard popping up in front of them by now. Still he was taken by surprise every time.

“Please...” Harmony scooted closer to Spike, her eyes begging for the vampire’s protection. “Not again. I can’t-“

“Quiet,” Morou ordered, and she immediately fell silent. He looked from Harmony to Spike. “Now, who will get the honor to go first?” Clearly encouraged by the glare he received from Spike, Morou raised the hand he had kept hidden behind his back, revealing a small glass of water. “Would any of you like a drink?” he asked, a cruel smile playing on his lips.

Spike’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Keep it.”

“As you wish.” Morou took a small sip from the glass, then crouched down in front of them. With his dark eyes locked on Spike, he dipped his fingers in the water and put his hand on Harmony’s cheek. There was a sizzling sound, followed by Harmony’s howl of pain and Spike winced.

“Holy water.” Morou watched the half empty glass with fascination. “Merely water, yet so painful.” He took another sip.

It’s all a bleeding game, Spike thought as understanding started to dawn on him. The son of a bitch was clearly getting off on seeing the pain he inflicted on others. Letting out a growl, Spike launched himself at the demon, intending to take him off guard.

Morou didn’t even blink as he grabbed Spike’s arm, easily preventing the attack. His eyes shifted into red and his strong fingers closed around the vampire’s left fist. Spike was not prepared for the sharp jolt of pain as the beast squeezed hard, crushing the bones in his hand without hesitation.

Moaning in excruciation, Spike bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood, refusing to give the bastard the satisfaction of hearing him scream. As the demon finally let go, he grimaced at the sight of his mangled hand, knowing it was broken in several places. Without being able to set it properly in order to heal, he wouldn’t be using that hand again for a long time.

“I’ll bloody kill you,” he hissed through gritted teeth, sliding down against the wall and cradling his injured hand against his chest. Of course, he didn’t like to think about the fact that with only one functional hand, his odds of doing so had seriously decreased.

“No.” Morou laughed, the sound reminding Spike of broken glass. Then he stopped, abruptly. “You do not kill Morou. Morou kills you. Slowly.”

“We’ll see ‘bout that,” Spike muttered. He knew he was in a vulnerable position, and it made him furious. “You won’t get away with this, you fucking-“

“Enough!” Morou exclaimed. There was no trace of amusement in his voice now. “Morou is tired of your insults, vampire. Unless you are down on your knees and begging for mercy, you no longer get to speak. One more word, and-“

“And what?” Spike challenged, refusing to back down. “You’ll break my other hand? Knock me out again? ‘Cause I’m telling you, as long as I’m still conscious, I’ll bloody keep talkin’!”

The creature that looked like a man opened his mouth, then closed it again. His jaw twitched for a moment, but other than that, his face remained expressionless. Never taking his eyes away from the bleached blond vampire, Morou moved back to Harmony, his large hand cupping her chin and tilted her head back. “There are other ways to keep you silent,” he finally stated.

“Oh God!” Harmony gasped, struggling to get away. “Please, don’t...!”

“Quiet, precious,” Morou mumbled. “Your friend needs to learn what happens when you defy Morou. And you...” He looked Spike straight in the eyes as he continued, “will be the lesson.”

Whimpering in fear, Harmony turned her pleading eyes towards Spike. He could do little more than just look at her, helplessly. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he was beginning to see that cockiness wouldn’t save him this time. In fact, it wouldn’t save either of them.

Harmony was shaking her head fiercely, sobbing as Morou forced her lips apart, one hand still on her chin and the other reaching into her mouth until he managed to grab hold of her tongue. She was screaming in panic now, desperately trying to swat the demon’s hands away from her. Then a sickening, popping sound was heard, and her screaming stopped.

Spike stared at the horrifying scene playing out in front of him, unable to look away. More than anything, he wished he had. He felt his stomach turn and pressed his unharmed fist against his mouth to keep from gagging. Wave after wave of nausea welled over him as he watched the ruthless creature drop Harmony’s limp body on the floor like she was nothing more than a useless rag doll.

Using the edge of his shirt, Morou wiped the blood off his hands before slowly making his way over to Spike, leaning in closely. “Do you still intend to keep talking, vampire?”


TBC

”Spike’s missing?”

Buffy let out a frustrated groan, suppressing the urge to stomp her foot like a child. “Yes! That’s what I’ve been telling you, Angel. We had a date last night and he never showed up. Something must have happened.” Seeing how Angel exchanged a look with Wesley, who was also in the room, she crossed her arms over her chest. “What?”

“Um...” Wesley cleared his throat, glancing at Angel. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Buffy, but maybe he just-“

“What? Forgot?” Buffy cut him off, staring at the man in exasperation. “I’m sorry, Wes, but if you actually believe that, then you’re an idiot.” Before the former watcher got the chance to object, she turned back to Angel. “Well? Don’t just stand there, we’ve gotta do something!”

“Okay, let me see if I’ve got this straight.” Angel slowly got up from the office chair and walked around his desk, stopping a few feet away from Buffy. “Spike’s gone missing, and you want me to start a search party?”

Eyes narrowing in barely contained fury, Buffy took a threatening step closer to the vampire. “Are you saying you won’t?”

“Actually, what I’m saying is...” To his credit, Angel didn’t back down, although he did seem a little uncomfortable by the Slayer’s obvious rage. “I just think it’s kind of interesting, Buffy. Vampires and demons have been disappearing around here for weeks, and it hasn’t really seemed to bother you. But now-”

“That’s not true,” Buffy interrupted, glaring at him. She couldn’t believe Angel would actually talk to her like this again. It reminded her about that time when she had confronted him about Faith, and he had ordered her to get out of his city. “I’ve been doing what I can to help, and you know it.”

“Right.” Angel scratched his chin. “Remind me again. Yesterday, when the rest of us – including Spike – were out looking for Harmony and God knows how many others have gone missing by now. What were you doing? Oh, right. You went shopping.”

Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it again. She clenched her fists and stared angrily at Angel. For a moment, the former lovers just stood there glaring daggers at each other. Then Wesley spoke up, softly. “Forgive me for interfering, but shouldn’t we focus on what’s important?”

“Hey, guys, what’s going on?” Fred entered the office, followed by Rowan. She went to stand next to Wesley, a concerned look on her face.

“Apparently, Spike’s missing,” Wesley explained with a sigh. He then looked at Rowan. “As a matter of fact, you might be the last person who saw him. He went to your place yesterday, if I’m not mistaken. Did he happen to mention anything about...” He stopped when Rowan froze in his tracks, all color suddenly draining from his face. “Rowan? Are you quite all right?”

Rowan stared at him for a moment, then swallowed hard. “Spike came to my house? Yesterday?” He cast an alarmed look at Buffy who nodded, looking like she might cry.

“I take it he never made it, then?” Wesley gave Rowan a questioning look. The blond man turned back towards him, slowly shaking his head. He looked like he was about to be sick.

Fred hurried over to Buffy, placing her hand gently on the blonde’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Buffy, I’m sure Spike is just fine.” She looked around the room. “Maybe we should split up. Buffy and I can go check the demon bars again, ask if anyone’s heard anything, and you guys...” She stopped as she saw Angel roll his eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you wanna go to the demon bars?”

“Sure, why not?” Angel threw his arms up in frustration. “I have a meeting with the Fyarl demons in five minutes, but I’ll just call the whole thing off. In fact, let’s all drop everything else and go running around town searching for the bleached moron. Just because it’s someone Buffy happens to care about-” That was how far he got before Buffy punched him in the face, causing him to stumble backwards.

The room went silent as the dark-haired vampire grunted in pain, the strong blow obviously taking him off guard. Buffy stared at him with wide eyes, clearly just as surprised. Then her face crumpled and she promptly burst into tears.


~ ~ ~


“It takes more than simply cutting out the tongue to kill a vampire,” Morou said, watching Harmony’s lifeless body before turning back to Spike. “But you know that already. Don’t you?” He gave the vampire an expectant look.

Spike’s jaw clenched, but he wisely remained silent. The image of Harmony’s panic-stricken face, just before the monster ripped her tongue right out of her mouth, would stay with him for a long time, and he still felt slightly nauseous. Besides, he had a sinking feeling the demon wouldn’t think twice before doing the same thing to him.

“You may speak.” Morou crouched down in front of the vampire, and Spike hated how he instinctively flinched back. “In fact, Morou insists. Talk! What does it take to kill a vampire?”

Spike glared at him, wanting nothing more than to tear the demon apart with his bare hands. Unfortunately, it turned out that Morou had been right all along. They really were playing by his rules and Spike could do little more than obey. “Stake through the heart. Direct sunlight. Decapitation.”

“Ah, yes.” Morou nodded in agreement. “And let’s not forget fire. Fire is powerful enough to kill all of us, given enough time.” His voice remained eerily calm as he continued, “You get to take your pick, vampire. Morou is generous. What will it be for you?”

Staring at him in disbelief, Spike let out a snort. “You’re bloody insane! Not gonna-“ His head snapped back as the creature slammed an iron hard fist right into his face and he gasped, feeling the blood well out of his nose and mouth. He vamped out, growling furiously.

“You will speak only to answer Morou’s questions.” The beast spoke slowly, and by the tone of his voice, he might as well have been talking about the weather. He grabbed Spike’s chin, forcing him to look at Harmony who was still lying unconscious on the floor with blood dripping out of her half open mouth. “She knows her place. She gets away easy.”

“Easy?!” Spike knew he should stop arguing, but he just couldn’t help himself. Spitting out a mouthful of blood, he continued, outraged, “You call that easy? Killing her would be much more merciful than what you just did to her, you sick fuck!”

Morou stood up, watching him for a moment. Without warning, the demon then kicked Spike in the chest, causing the vampire to double over in pain. Casually making his way over to Harmony, Morou bent down next to the female vampire, his large hand closing around her throat hard enough to leave marks from his fingers as he pulled her up in a sitting position.

Harmony’s eyelids fluttered briefly before her eyes finally opened, and she blinked a few times. She appeared to be confused and disoriented, a choked moan escaping her throat. At that moment, with a simple flick of his wrist, the demon snapped her neck before tearing her head off. Slumping back against the wall, Spike watched Harmony’s lips part in a silent scream as she exploded into a cloud of dust.


~ ~ ~


Realizing that he had gone too far, Angel lowered his eyes in shame. Not meaning to take his petty issues with Spike out on Buffy, especially since she was already visibly upset, he sighed. “Buffy, I was out of line. I know you’ve been helping out since you got here, and I shouldn’t have implied otherwise. I’m sorry.”

“But you were right.” Buffy wiped away the tears from her face, a defeated note in her voice as she went on, “I admit it; I didn’t really care before. They were demons and I barely knew them. I know I’ve been selfish and I’m sorry. But...” she took a shaky breath, “it’s Spike. I can’t lose him again, I just can’t. Angel, please...”

Seeing Buffy’s heartbroken expression made Angel feel like he had been punched in the stomach, and he closed his eyes for a moment. He had reluctantly accepted the fact that she was in love with Spike, mostly because he didn’t seem to have much of a choice. But now, seeing the look of pure fear and despair on her face made him realize just how much the other vampire actually meant to her.

“Look,” Angel reached out to take her hand, relieved when she didn’t immediately pull away, “it’s gonna be okay. If Spike’s still alive...” He stopped, regretting his choice of words when he saw how Buffy’s bottom lip started trembling, and quickly started over. “We’ll find him. You have my word.”

Sniffling a little, Buffy gave him a hopeful look. “You promise?”

“I promise.” Angel suddenly remembered that they weren’t the only two people in the room. Thinking quickly, he then turned to face the others. “Okay, guys, sorry about that. Fred had a good idea; we should split up. I’ll cancel my meeting with the Fyarls. Rowan, you...” He stopped, looking around the room with a frown. “Where did Rowan go?”


TBC

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Rowan muttered to himself as he flew through the front door, fumbling in his pocket for the key and rushed over to the smaller, wooden door leading down to the basement. With his hands shaking, it took a moment before he was able to fit the key into the lock, but as soon as he managed to get it open, he stormed down the stairs without bothering to turn on the light.

The stone door at the bottom of the stairs was closed, as usual, and Rowan desperately tried to fight back the panic as he banged his fists repeatedly against the door. He grimaced as a sharp wave of pain shot through his hand and up his arm, having almost forgotten how Morou had broken one of his fingers the other day.

“Open up, you asshole! Let me in!” The door remained closed, and Rowan took a deep breath before calling out, “Spike! Are you in there?” No response. He kicked the door a couple of times, already knowing it wouldn’t help. Since this door didn’t have any handle, he had no way of getting it open.

The idea of Spike trapped in there, with the most evil creature Rowan had ever come across, was more than he could handle and he squeezed his eyes shut as guilt and self-loathing welled up inside him. How could he have been so stupid? Why did he have to leave the house yesterday? If he had just been here when Spike showed up, then none of this would’ve happened.

And how the hell did he allow himself to get into this fucking mess in the first place? How could he possibly have let things go this far? He had told himself from the beginning that he didn’t have any choice. But that wasn’t exactly true. Hell, he could have told someone. Someone at Wolfram and Hart might even have been able to help him.

But he had been afraid. Not to mention ashamed of the fact that he had actually enjoyed the idea of getting revenge. Finally he had been able to hurt the demons, just like they had hurt Julie. Except that none of the demons Rowan had brought back to Morou had been very evil, which he had known deep down all along. He had just refused to think about it, telling himself he was doing the right thing.

For a moment, he had no idea what to do. Rowan wasn’t sure what he had been expecting on his way back to the house, but Morou had always let him in before. Then again, the only times he ever went down here was when the demon wanted something from him. That was clearly not the case now, though. With a sinking feeling, Rowan suspected that the beast was already occupied.

He didn’t for a second doubt that Morou knew he was out here. Forcing himself to stay calm, Rowan slid down against the door, feeling like his head was spinning. “Okay, gotta think,” he mumbled. That was when it hit him. Something had been nagging at the back of his mind since he got home last night, and he suddenly realized what it was. The front door.

Rowan had locked it when he left yesterday morning, of that much he was certain. But when he got back, the door was open. Having been too drunk to think straight at the time, he hadn’t given it any thought. But now, the pieces were falling into place. The curtain had also been pulled aside, and he had just assumed Harmony was the last person who had been in the house. Clearly, he had been wrong.

Rowan swallowed hard, knowing he needed to focus on a way to help Spike before it was too late. The bleached blond vampire was strong, no question about it, but Rowan feared that he wouldn’t stand much of a chance against such a powerful creature as Morou.

The fact that Morou now refused to let Rowan into his lair hopefully meant that Spike was still alive. Otherwise, the monster would have already demanded a new victim. Rowan stood up, banging on the door again, although he knew it wouldn’t do any good. “Spike!” he yelled for the second time, praying against hope that the vampire would be able to hear him.

For a brief moment, he actually considered pleading with the cruel beast, maybe offering another demon in exchange for Spike. Then he quickly pushed that thought away, completely horrified by himself. He had never thought of himself as callous or cold hearted before. Unlike most demons and vampires, Rowan had a soul. But suddenly, he couldn’t help but think that it obviously didn’t mean much.

“Just hold on, I’ll be right back!” he now shouted through the closed door. With his mind made up, he then rushed up the stairs. He was going to put an end to this, once and for all. Of course, Rowan had yet to figure out how, but what he did know was that he wouldn’t be able to stop Morou by himself. It was time to come clean. All he could do now was hope that it wouldn’t be too late.


~ ~ ~


“No more warnings.” Morou swept the dust that had been Harmony away with his hand, keeping his dark eyes locked on Spike the whole time. “No more attitude. You will listen to Morou, and you will obey.”

“What’s the bleedin’ point?” Spike asked in a flat voice, coughing as he leaned his head back against the wall. “You’ll just kill me, anyway.”

“True,” the demon agreed.

Spike’s ribs were still aching and he shifted a little in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain, knowing perfectly well it wouldn’t help much. His entire body hurt, and he felt utterly exhausted. He tiredly raised a brow, gazing at his tormentor. “So what’s up with the soddin’ threats and warnings? Why don’t you just do it?”

Before he got the chance to even react, the demon had him by the throat, slamming him back into the wall. Spike groaned in pain but other than that, he forced himself to stay silent. For a moment he thought he was going to pass out, and at that point, unconsciousness would have been a sweet relief.

“Morou could kill you right now. But that would be no fun.” Morou reached for the glass he had left on the floor after scorching Harmony. It was still half full of holy water. “Morou has always wondered,” the merciless beast got a thoughtful expression on his pale face as he held up the glass in front of Spike’s face, “what will happen if a vampire drinks this.”


~ ~ ~


“Hey, where are the others?” Rowan looked around the office, relieved to find the room empty except for Angel. He may have decided it was necessary to finally spill his dark secret, but that didn’t mean he was looking forward to face the wrath of the Slayer.

“Rowan?” Angel looked up with a frown, ignoring Rowan’s question. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you for almost an hour.”

“Oh, sorry. I...” Rowan hesitated, not sure how to even begin. How did you explain to your boss that you had been lying and keeping secrets from everybody? He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. “Listen, Angel, there’s something I need to-“

“Hold that thought,” the vampire cut him off, impatiently waving his hand. “Whatever it is, it will have to wait. I promised Buffy I’ll do anything in my power to help her find Spike, so right now, as much as I hate to admit it, that’s my priority.”

Rowan was confused. “So why are you here?”

Angel held up the phone. “I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago. I’m gonna get hold of Eve and persuade her to arrange a meeting with the senior partners. They must have some clue about what’s going on.” He let out a tired sigh. “Would’ve thought of it sooner, but things have been kind of crazy around here lately.”

“Tell me about it...” Rowan wrung his hands, nervously. “Look, you don’t have to do that. Just hear me out. I...” He lowered his eyes in shame. “I have some information.”

“Really?” Angel put the phone down, suddenly giving Rowan his full attention. “Did you sense anything about Spike? Do you know if he’s okay?”

“I don’t know.” Rowan kept his eyes on the floor. “I haven’t tried. But...” He swallowed. “Look, I know this is gonna sound bad. But I want you to know, I never intended for this to happen.”

“What do you mean?” Angel’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Rowan was quiet for a moment. This was it, he realized with a feeling of defeat. He was going to lose his job, his friends and quite possibly his life, should Buffy get her hands on him before he would be able to make things right. If that was even possible. Reluctantly raising his eyes, he took a deep breath. “I know what happened to the missing demons. I know where Spike is.”


TBC

“Angel?” Rowan instinctively took a step back as the tall vampire rose from the office chair and strode in his direction, preparing himself for the worst. But Angel walked past him without a word and headed for the door. “Where – where are you going?”

Stopping in the doorway, Angel spun around, scowling at him. “After that nice little story you just told me, you have to ask me that? Don’t push it, boy. I don’t have time to deal with you right now.” He turned around and left the office.

Rowan hurried after. “Angel, wait! You can’t just go down there. I already tried. I mean, the beast won’t even let me in, so why would you think-“

“Gunn!” Angel called out as he spotted the other man across the lobby, ignoring Rowan completely. “I want you to find Wesley; tell him to drop whatever he’s doing and get back here ASAP. I’ll be waiting for him in his office.”

“But I thought we were supposed to...” Gunn stopped, looking from Angel to Rowan with a frown. Seeing Angel’s grim expression and the way Rowan avoided meeting his eyes, he realized that something had just transpired between the two. “Um, what’s going on, guys?”

“Got a lead, but we need to act fast.” Angel cast a disgusted look at Rowan before turning back to Gunn. “Tell Wes I need him to come up with a couple of spells. A binding spell of some kind, strong enough to restrain an evil... whatever this thing is. And something that will unseal a mystically locked door. Don’t ask, just do it.”

Gunn looked a little confused, and it was obvious that he would have wanted some kind of explanation, but he seemed to understand the seriousness of the situation and nodded without objections. “Got it, man.”

Rowan followed Angel as he headed towards the elevators. “You actually think there’s a binding spell that will hold this guy? He’s too strong, there’s no way-“

“What else would you suggest we’d do, Rowan?” Angel asked, glaring at him as he pushed the button. “Leave Spike down there with the beast?” Rowan opened his mouth, but the vampire held up a hand to stop him. “Second thought, don’t answer that. In fact, just get out of my sight before I’ll do something I might regret later.”

The doors to the elevator opened and Angel stepped inside. Hesitating only for a brief moment, Rowan then slipped in as well, just as the doors started to close. Angel gave him a warning look, but didn’t say anything. Rowan glanced at him before carefully speaking up, “You know, I really am sorry.”

Angel scoffed. “Oh, you’re sorry? Well, that changes everything!”

Not missing the sarcastic note in the vampire’s voice, the blond shook his head. “Look, I’m serious, I know I screwed up. I wanna make things right, but I can’t do it by myself. I’ll do anything, just...” Rowan swallowed. “Tell me there’s a way to get Spike out of there before...” His voice trailed off as Angel’s face darkened.

“Oh, you better hope there is,” the vampire all but snarled, and Rowan found himself shrinking back against the wall. “Because I’m not gonna be the one explaining to Buffy that the love of her life is dust and that you have known exactly where he’s been all this time. That’ll be up to you.”

Rowan gulped. “She’s gonna kill me.”

“No, she won’t.” Angel firmly shook his head. “I would never let her do that.”

“You wouldn’t?” Rowan gave him a doubtful look. “But-“

“Losing Spike would destroy her,” Angel admitted as he ignored Rowan’s input. “And if I’ll have to stand there and watch that heartbroken, devastated look on her face, I swear I’ll kill you myself.”

Rowan stared at him for a moment. “I thought you had a soul.”

“Believe me, Rowan.” A low growl escaped the vampire’s throat. “I’ll find a way to work around it.”

Not doubting for a second that the vampire meant it, Rowan’s shoulders slumped and he nodded. “I understand. I don’t deserve any mercy. It should be me down there.”

Letting out a threatening roar, Angel slammed his fist hard against the control panel, causing the elevator to come to a halt. “You’re damn right about that. Now quit with the pathetic whining; you won’t get any sympathy from me. Spike and I may not get along, but I’d never stab him in the back like this. I thought the two of you were friends!”

“I told you; I never meant for this to happen!” Rowan was starting to get angry as well. He was already feeling beyond guilty, and Angel’s accusing words and open hostility towards him didn’t exactly make him feel any better. “How the hell was I supposed to know he’d go down there? I mean, it’s not like I-“

“What?” Angel cut him off. “Lured him down there like you did with all the others?”

“Fuck this!” Rowan glared at him. “You’ve made yourself perfectly clear. Spike dies – I die, I get it. Now get the damn elevator running instead of keep wasting all of our time!”

“Don’t tell me what to do, boy.” Angel’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but he pushed the button and the elevator started moving again. Both of them fell silent.

As the doors finally slid open, Angel started to get out, but Rowan beat him to it, blocking the vampire’s way. “Look, if I could turn back time and change what I’ve done, I would. But I can’t. I know perfectly well it’s all my fault. Spike’s trapped in my house with a vicious monster, and there’s not a fucking thing I can do to help him.”

“Rowan.” Angel looked at something over the blond man’s shoulder, suddenly an almost concerned look on his face.

“What?” Seeing the vampire’s strange expression, Rowan turned around. His eyes widened in alarm as he found himself standing face to face with the Slayer. And judging by the way her face changed from confusion to disbelief, and finally into fury as realization seemed to hit her, she had heard every single word he had just said.


~ ~ ~


“It would probably kill you.” Morou weighed the small glass in his hand, thoughtfully. “Not much left, but it will be enough. The water will burn you, from the inside out, until...” He raised his head, leering at Spike. “Of course, it won’t have to end like this. All you have to do is get down on your knees, and beg Morou to spare you.”

Spike could feel his hands shaking and found himself itching for a smoke. Remembering that he still had his zippo lighter and half a packet of cigarettes in his pocket, he couldn’t help but wonder how the demon would react should he actually get down on his knees and beg, not for his life, but for permission to light a bleeding fag.

An almost maniacal laugh escaped him, although he didn’t take his eyes away from the glass. He wasn’t stupid, after all. “Right. You’d spare me. For how long?”

Morou seemed to seriously consider the question. “Oh, a few hours. Or possibly the rest of the day. It all depends on how convincing you are, vampire. Plead for mercy, and you might get it.” There was a pause before he added, “For a little while.”

Rolling his eyes, Spike knew he would rather die than plead with the sadistic bastard for anything. “Go to hell.” He didn’t like how weakly the words came out, but there was not much he could do about it. At the moment, he just wished the demon would disappear again, giving him a chance to rest, even if it would only be for a few minutes.

“Hell...” Morou tasted the word. “Morou spent some time in Hell once.” His eyes flashed briefly. “The toys were all damaged. Morou didn’t enjoy the stay.”

“That right?” Spike let out a snort. “Then trust me when I say this. Somehow, I’ll find a way to send you back there, you son of a bitch.” He knew as soon as he had spoken the words that it had been a mistake. But he had reached the point when he couldn’t really find it in him to care anymore.

Morou stood up, watching him in silence for a moment. Then he uttered a low, hissing sound, his eyes turning completely red. It all happened so fast, Spike never got the chance to even react. The last thing he saw was the cruel beast towering above him, holding the small glass mere inches from his face. Grabbing him by the throat, the demon then tipped the glass over, spilling the contents over him.

The pain was indescribable. Spike could feel his face burning, with an intensity threatening to consume him. Writhing in panic, he desperately scratched at his face and eyes. The sickening smell of singeing flesh was overwhelming, and he finally screamed. Then he passed out.


TBC

”Buffy…” Rowan gulped, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. “Just listen to me. I can explain.”

“And we would all like to hear it,” Lorne stated, appearing behind Buffy. “But maybe now’s not the best...” He hesitated as Buffy grabbed Rowan by the collar of his jacket and slammed him into the wall. “time,” he finished helplessly, casting a look at Angel who just stepped out of the elevator.

“Explain,” Buffy growled, glaring at the blond. “What the hell do you mean Spike’s trapped in your house? If you’re telling me you’ve known where he’s been all along, so help me God, I’ll kill you!” As if to emphasize her words, she tightened her grip on him, her fingers digging into his skin.

Rowan winced, but he made no attempt of pushing her away. “I swear; I had no idea until just now. If I’d known, I would’ve said something. You have to believe me.”

“You just said it was all your fault.” Buffy was practically shaking with contained anger. “What did you mean by that? What did you do?!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Rowan then lowered his eyes in shame. “Not to Spike, anyway,” he mumbled. Seeing how Buffy’s eyes narrowed dangerously, he quickly went on, “Look, you can threaten me all you like, but Spike’s running out of time. I’m pretty sure he’s still alive, but I don’t know for how long. So if you wanna save him-” This time he did try to break free, only to find himself being thrown back against the wall.

“That’s enough,” Angel declared as he stepped forward, a warning note in his voice. “Buffy, let him go. Rowan’s right; we don’t have time for this. Beating the crap out of him won’t help Spike, and right now, he’s depending on us. So let’s move it.”

Hesitating for a brief moment, Buffy realized Angel was right. “Okay,” she whispered. Blinking back tears, she let go of Rowan and took a step back.

“Good.” Angel sounded relieved. “Now we’re gonna go meet up with Wesley, hopefully he’ll be able to help us.” He glanced at Rowan, who was clearly torn between wanting to come along and help, or get as far away from the Slayer as possible. “And you,” he pointed a finger at the blond man, “are coming with us so I can keep an eye on you.”

“Yeah, sure.” Letting out a defeated sigh, Rowan obediently followed the others through the corridor, although he made sure to keep some distance between himself and the blonde girl. However, after Angel stepped in and told her to back off, Buffy didn’t attempt to attack him again. In fact, she had closed up completely.

Entering Wesley’s office in silence, they didn’t have to wait long before the ex watcher came hurrying through the door, Gunn and Fred in tow. “Gunn said you needed my assistance. He mentioned something about spells. Angel, what’s going on?”

Angel quickly explained the situation. When he was finished, everybody just stared at him for a moment. Then they all started talking at once, except for Rowan who remained by the door, looking like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him. As their voices grew louder and louder, Angel raised a hand to stop them. “All right, everybody be quiet. We’re on the clock, remember?”

Buffy spoke up, her voice trembling. “Wes, start working on the spells. I’m going over there.” Without waiting for a response, she strode towards the door.

“Buffy, I understand how you feel, but right now, you’re obviously not thinking straight.” Angel grabbed her arm to stop her, moving to block her way. “Before we know if spells will even work, you’d be putting yourself in danger just by entering the house.”

“You better hurry, then,” Buffy stated, stubbornly pulling away her arm. “Because I’m leaving.”

“I can’t let you do that.” Angel sounded almost sad. “I know it may sound harsh, but the best thing you can do at the moment-“

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do!” Buffy glared at him. “I swear, Angel, if you don’t get out of my way, I’ll kick your sorry ass.” She clenched her fists.

Rowan nervously cleared his throat. “Buffy, I know you don’t wanna hear this, especially not from me, but Angel’s got a point. You won’t be able to get through the door. Trust me; I know. The only time Morou ever lets me in is when he needs me to...” He stopped himself, the guilt evident on his face.

“Need you to... what?” Fred asked in a low voice, sounding like she didn’t really want to know.

The blond man was quiet for a moment, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands. “Get him a new... toy,” he finally whispered.

Seeing how Buffy was about to throw herself at Rowan, most likely intending to beat him into a bloody pulp, Angel quickly took him by the arm and steered him away from the furious Slayer. “Rowan, tell Wes everything you know about this Morou that might help with the spells. There has to be something we can use to our advantage.” The blond nodded in understanding.

Gesturing for Fred, Gunn and Lorne to join Wesley and Rowan at the other side of the room, Angel then turned to Buffy. “Look, Buffy, we’ll get Spike out of there. I gave you my word and I intend to keep it. But...” He hesitated. “I’m sorry, but you’re not going.” Holding the breath he didn’t really need, he mentally prepared himself for the explosion.

“What?!” Buffy stared at him like he had just grown a second head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I heard you correctly. Because it sounded like you just said I’m not going.”

“That’s right.” Angel let out a sigh. He really wasn’t looking forward to telling her this, but he didn’t have any choice. “Listen to me. I don’t know what we’ll find when we’ll step through that door, but I have a feeling it’s not gonna be pretty. And we won’t have much time. I can’t have you falling apart on me.”

Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it again. When she spoke, she somehow managed to keep her voice steady. “I don’t care how bad it’ll be. As long as he’s not dust, I can handle it.” Seeing how Angel was about to object, she hurried on, an almost pleading note in her voice, “I have to be there, Angel. You can’t keep me from coming. Spike needs me.”

Watching her in silence for a moment, Angel then reluctantly nodded in agreement, knowing he wouldn’t be able to talk her out of it. “Fine. But we’re doing this my way, so don’t get any ideas. We’re going in, get Spike, and then we’re going out. We’re not fighting this thing. Not until we know exactly what we’re dealing with.”

“Are you kidding me?” Buffy stared at him in disbelief. “I’m the Slayer; I slay the bad guys. And I swear to God, if that monster’s hurt Spike in any way, I’ll cut him open, rip his intestines out, and choke him to death with them!” Realizing the others were watching her with wide eyes and startled expressions, she added, “Well, assuming he has any.”

“You go, girl!” Gunn pumped his fist in appreciation, although he couldn’t help but shudder at the visual image. The Slayer could be downright scary, and he reminded himself never to piss her off.

“Great. I’m all for it and I’ll be more than happy to give you a hand. But,” Angel looked Buffy right in the eyes as he continued, “it will have to wait. This is strictly a rescue mission. Either you accept that, or you’re staying behind. If this demon’s really as strong as Rowan says, then we can pretty much assume regular weapons won’t have any effect on him.”

Buffy wanted to object, but she reluctantly had to admit that Angel’s words made sense. However, she hated how he still seemed to think he had the right to make decisions for her. For some reason, Angel seemed to constantly forget that she wasn’t the same naive little girl she had been when they first met, all those years ago.

But right now, finding Spike was her number one priority. She would have to deal with Angel later. And then she would tell him exactly what she thought of him and his insufferable high-and-mighty behavior. Deciding to simply ignore the dark-haired vampire for the time being, she walked over to Wesley who was typing rapidly on his computer. “Find anything yet? We don’t have all day.”

Wesley looked up, a somewhat annoyed expression on his face. “Yes, Buffy, I’m perfectly aware of that. I assure you, I’m working as fast as I can.”

“Sorry.” Buffy lowered her eyes. “It’s just that-“

“I know.” Wesley’s face softened. “Believe me, I understand how you...” His voice trailed off and he jumped up from the chair. Hurrying over to the book shelf, he pulled out a large book and cleared his throat. “Binding spell.” Quickly opening the book, he watched as the text appeared on the blank pages. “Ah! Perfect. This might work.”

“Might work?” Angel sounded skeptical. “That’s not good enough, Wes.”

“Maybe not, but it’ll have to do.” Buffy firmly crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m done waiting.”

“You guys, I think I’ve found something for the door!” Fred had taken Wesley’s place by the computer when he left. Now she turned to look at the others. “We’ll need a white candle, six Acacia leaves, and...” She grimaced. “an eye of a black sheep.”

“We’ll stop by the magic shop down the corner. Now, let’s move!” Buffy looked around the room, daring anyone to object. Luckily, nobody did. Letting out the breath she didn’t even realize she had been holding, she headed for the door, not waiting to see if they would follow.


TBC

When Spike finally came to, he had no idea what time it was, or how long he had been out. He was too tired and in too much pain to bother. His entire face was aching, the holy water having scalded his skin like acid, and he couldn’t see a thing. He tried blinking a couple of times, hoping it would clear his vision, but it didn’t help – he was completely blind.

Suddenly sensing a presence behind him, he tensed up, realizing the demon had to be standing just a few feet away, watching him in silence. Spike struggled to pull himself up in a sitting position, but a wave of dizziness came over him and he fell back down with a pitiful moan. He would need a lot of blood for his strength to return.

He made another weak attempt of moving, only to find that his body wouldn’t obey him. Feeling light-headed and disoriented, he could do little more than simply remain where he was. That was when he knew he had to face the fact. Harmony had been right all along – there was no way out of here. His time was almost up, and nobody would come for him.


~ ~ ~


Bursting through the front door, Buffy stopped on the other side. She gave Rowan a questioning look, and he gestured towards the smaller, wooden door over by the red curtain. Before she could run down the stairs, Angel put his hand on her arm to stop her. “You can’t go down until Wesley’s done with the binding spell. We wanna take the demon by surprise, not give him the heads-up that we’re coming.”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to risk it.” Wesley spoke up, an almost apologetic note in his voice. “The closer I’ll be when I do the spell, the longer it will last. Still, I fear it will only restrain the beast for a couple of minutes at the most. I’ll have to do it right outside the door.”

Angel sighed. “All right. Let’s get started, then. Buffy and I’ll prepare the unsealing spell. We need to be able to enter the room the moment the binding spell starts working.” The ex watcher nodded in agreement.

“Um...” Rowan awkwardly ran his hand through his hair. “What do you guys need me to do?”

Buffy opened her mouth, but the vampire beat her to it. “You’ll wait for us out in the car. Keep the motor running and be ready to step on it.” Rowan looked like he was about to protest, but the look Angel gave him told him that he didn’t have any say in the matter. So he simply nodded in acceptance and walked out the door.

“I don’t trust him, Buffy declared as Rowan left the house. “We shouldn’t let him out of our sight.”

“You know Lorne made Rowan sing for him just before we left,” Angel pointed out. “The message was clear – he’s genuinely regretful. He won’t betray us again.”

“Doesn’t matter to me.” Buffy got a grim expression on her face. “I sure as hell won’t let him get away with this.” Then she stepped through the doorway, not giving them a chance to object. “Let’s do this.” She started down the stairs.


~ ~ ~


Spike could hear the demon moving towards him and braced himself for another attack. With no energy left to fight, physically nor verbally, he had given up the idea of defending himself against this creature. In fact, he had reached the point where he just wanted it to be over.

For a brief moment, an image of Buffy’s smiling face flashed through his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. He wouldn’t allow himself to think about Buffy, knowing he had to accept the fact that he wouldn’t get to see her again. A choked sob escaped him and he forced himself to focus on the physical agony shooting through his bruised and battered body. That would be less painful.

When Morou suddenly kicked him hard in the ribs, Spike jerked uncontrollably as another convulsion of pain went through him, although he didn’t utter a sound. He would not give the cruel bastard the satisfaction of making him scream again. Pressing his cracked, blistered lips together, he desperately tried to keep from crying out as the demon kicked him again. And again.


~ ~ ~


“I can feel it,” Angel mumbled as he followed Buffy down the stairs. “The power. God, it’s overwhelming.”

“Yes,” Wesley agreed, his hand gripping the cold railing at the side of the staircase. “Somehow, the air in here is all...” He hesitated, searching his mind for the right word, “wrong. The evil down here is palpable.”

Buffy remained silent. She could feel it too, of course. From the moment she stepped through the door, she had been aware of the low, humming sound, which appeared to be growing louder by the second. The air around her felt almost electrical, and the walls seemed to be pulsating.

Finally reaching the bottom of the stairs, they stopped in front of a large door made of stone, a door that didn’t have any handle, or a key hole. Buffy inhaled shakily, knowing Spike had to be on the other side. Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she then glanced at the others, her voice trembling as she spoke up, “I guess this is it. Wes?”

The former watcher took a deep breath before resolutely stepping forward, putting the palm of his hand against the door.


~ ~ ~


“Morou is pleased.” Spike was only vaguely aware of the demon’s voice, speaking directly into his ear. “The other toys didn’t last this long. You have set a new record, vampire. A celebration might be in order.” Morou’s cruel laughter echoed through the room.

“Not your... bleedin’... toy.” Spike started coughing, the effort of speaking even a few words being too much for him. He felt weaker than he could remember ever feeling before, and he knew it was just a matter of time before he would pass out again.

His body had taken too much damage to be able to heal by itself. Knowing that his severe injuries wouldn’t kill him, as they without doubt would have killed any human by now, Spike struggled against the panic and despair welling up inside him, threatening to consume him. Who knew how long the demon would keep him around like this?


~ ~ ~


“Ready?” Buffy gave Wesley a questioning look. As he nodded, she turned to Angel who handed her a small, paper bag. Picking up a large, white candle, she carefully placed it on the floor by her feet. Then she pulled out a handful of dried leaves, squashed them in her hand and let the crumbs fall to the floor, right under the door.

Watching as Angel pulled up a box of matches from his pocket and hurriedly lit the candle, Wesley then started reciting the words of the binding spell from his memory. “Atrum phasmatis. Ego hic ordo vos moror tergum. Ego hic redimio vestri vox. Peto somnus.” He cast a look at Buffy, gesturing towards the paper bag.

Grimacing a little, Buffy picked up the glassy looking eyeball and held it just above the flame while Wesley repeated the latin phrases three times. Then he nodded at her and she quickly blew out the candle. At first, nothing happened. She opened her mouth, about to ask how they could be certain the spell was actually working, when Wesley let out a gasp, pulled his hand back and dropped to his knees.


~ ~ ~


Suddenly the demon was gone, having disappeared just as quickly and silently as it had come. Spike knew he should be relieved, but at that point, he was too exhausted and emotionally drained to care. Besides, the beast always came back. Gasping for the air his lungs didn’t really need, he was unable to relax, even for a second. There was not a part of him that didn’t hurt. And he just wanted it to stop.

For a brief moment, he thought he heard the door open, although he quickly dismissed the idea, knowing it had to be his mind playing tricks on him. Slipping in and out of unconsciousness, he could no longer tell what was real and what was not. As he felt himself starting to slip away again, he let out a shuddering breath. With any luck, he wouldn’t wake up again for a while.


~ ~ ~


“Wes?” Angel quickly moved to help his friend up, sounding alarmed. “Are you okay? What’s happening?”

“I’m all right,” Wesley insisted, slowly getting to his feet with the vampire’s assistance. “The demon’s even stronger than I expected, but I believe I’ve got him. You’ve better hurry, though, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold him before he’ll manage to break free. It could happen at any moment.” He turned to Buffy. “Destroy the eye. Quickly.”

Without hesitation, Buffy dropped the eyeball on the floor and crushed it under her shoe. For a moment, the whole door seemed to be glowing and she could actually feel the temperature rise several degrees. Then a whooshing sound was heard and the door started to slide open, revealing a room on the other side.

Angel stepped forward, about to enter, but Buffy pushed her way past him and rushed through the door before he could stop her. Then she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widening in shock.

“Oh my God!”


TBC

A choked sob escaped Buffy as she dropped to her knees next to the unconscious vampire on the floor. She reached out a tentative hand towards his face, then pulled back and instead grasped his least injured hand, holding it gently in hers. “Oh God, Spike, what did that creep do to you?”

“He needs blood,” Angel stated unnecessarily, barely able to control his anger as he watched the severe damage that had been done to the bleached blond vampire. Then he snapped out of it and took action. “I’ve got him. You go back upstairs, make sure Rowan’s ready to go.”

“What? No!” Buffy turned to stare at him in disbelief, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Forget it, I’m not leaving him! I-“

“Clearly Spike’s not gonna get up and walk out of this house by himself.” Angel cut her off, an impatient note in his voice, “So unless you’re planning on carrying him up those stairs and out to the car, then I suggest you’ll stop arguing and do as I say.” Stubbornly shaking her head, Buffy slipped her arms protectively around Spike, cradling his limp body against her chest.

“Dammit, Buffy!” Losing what was left of his patience, Angel crouched down next to her and looked her straight in the eyes. “I’m not saying you’re not strong enough to get him out of here, but that it would take longer. And I don’t think I have to remind you that right now, time’s a luxury we can’t spare. Now go!”

Buffy’s bottom lip was trembling as she reluctantly took her eyes away from Spike and glared at Angel. “I hate you.”

“Fine.” Angel’s face was blank, her hostile words having no effect on him. At least that’s what he tried telling himself. “You just focus on how much you hate me until we’re all back in the car. I agreed to let you come along because you said you could handle it. Don’t make me regret it.”

Seeing her expression change from crestfallen to enraged, Angel wondered if maybe he had gone too far. He knew perfectly well that he hadn’t ‘let’ Buffy do anything; she would have come here no matter how much he may have objected and tried to talk her out of it.

But he also realized how close she was to breaking down at this point, knowing she was deeply shaken by Spike’s condition. Not that he could really blame her. But right now, he needed her to stay strong if they were all to leave this place in one piece. That was the reason why he deliberately tried to piss her off.

Deep down, Buffy knew Angel was right. The binding spell wouldn’t last forever, not to mention the fact that they desperately needed to get Spike out of here and tend to his injuries. Still, the idea of leaving Spike’s side, even for a brief moment, made her feel like her heart was breaking.

However, lashing out at Angel made her feel better, at least for the moment. And she suddenly got the feeling Angel knew that as well. Letting out a shuddering breath, she let her fingers run softly through Spike’s matted and bloody hair before pressing a tender kiss to his bruised knuckles.

Closing her eyes for a second, she then turned to look at Angel, a warning note in her voice, “You’ve better be right behind me. If you’re not by the car in two minutes...”

“Vampire speed,” Angel reminded her as he moved to carefully pick up the unresponsive vampire and hoist him over his shoulders before Buffy got the chance to change her mind. “I’ll be there in one.”

Buffy slowly nodded in understanding, scrambled to her feet and started backing out of the room. Her eyes didn’t leave Spike’s still form until she reached the doorway. Then she swallowed hard, turned around and ran.


~ ~ ~


Angel was halfway up the stairs when he felt Spike stir ever so slightly, although the weakened vampire didn’t utter a sound. Throwing a glance over his shoulder to make sure Wesley was coming, Angel sped up, eager to get out of the house. “Keep still,” he said quietly, not sure if Spike would actually be able to hear him. “If I drop you, Buffy’ll have my head on a platter.”

When there was no response from the other vampire, only silence, Angel realized with a frown that he almost would have preferred a snarky remark. Shaking his head, as if to clear it, he kept moving. He could still feel the evil surrounding them, temporarily suppressed by Wesley’s spell, but furiously struggling to break free. It troubled him.

“Spike?” he tried, not overly surprised when he still didn’t get any reaction. The beast in the basement had really done a number on Spike, and Angel suspected it would take weeks for him to fully recover. It took a lot to damage a vampire this badly. He continued climbing the stairs with a grim expression on his face.


~ ~ ~


Standing outside the car, Buffy cast another impatient look towards the front door as she waited for Angel to appear. She could feel Rowan watching her from his position behind the wheel, and knew he wanted her to get in the car and tell him what had happened down in the basement. As if she owed him any kind of explanation. The mere thought infuriated her.

After seeing Spike just now, all beaten up and bloody, Buffy couldn’t even stand to look at Rowan. As she squeezed her eyes shut, she could still see the image of Spike’s face, damaged almost beyond recognition, and she felt the tears burning behind her eyelids. She had to force herself to be strong, though. Spike needed her full attention now; she would just have to put her own feelings aside.

A moment later, Angel burst through the door still carrying Spike, Wesley followed close behind. Hurriedly slipping into the backseat of the car, Buffy found herself being grateful that the sky was covered with thick, dark clouds. Any minute now, it would most likely start raining. At least they didn’t have to worry about the sun.


~ ~ ~


The trip back to the Hyperion went surprisingly quickly and smoothly, considering the circumstances. Buffy insisted that Angel put Spike up in her room, and the dark-haired vampire didn’t argue. Although Spike had not woken up once since they left the basement, Buffy still refused to leave his side, even for a second.

“You know, I told Rowan he should stay here at the hotel for a while.” Angel was standing in the doorway, watching as Buffy emerged from the bathroom carrying a bowl of water, a washcloth, and a small bottle of antiseptic. Walking over to the bed, she carefully sat down next to Spike.

“Thought I’d clean him up a bit, at least try to wash some of the blood off.” Angel couldn’t tell if she had missed his comment about Rowan, or if she simply chose to ignore it. Her voice trembled as she continued, “I just don’t know where to begin.”

Angel held back a sigh. “His hand,” he then said, deciding not to push her about Rowan for now. “I’d suggest setting it while he’s still out. Less painful.” Seeing Buffy’s eyes widen slightly as his words started to sink in, he took pity on her and added, “If you want, I’ll do it.”

Buffy hesitated briefly before shaking her head. “No, it’s okay. I’ve got it.”

“All right.” Angel was quiet for a moment. “I’ll bring you some blood. You need to get him to feed as soon as he wakes up.”

“I will.” Buffy kept her eyes on Spike. Hesitantly reaching for his mangled hand, she desperately tried to keep the tears from falling. “God, look at him! He must be in so much pain.”

“He’ll be okay,” Angel assured her. “It’ll just take some time.”

She didn’t respond. Instead she kept staring at Spike’s hand, softly brushing her thumb over the cold skin. Then she swallowed hard. “I can’t do this. I don’t wanna hurt him anymore than he already is.”

Angel shook his head. “You won’t. It’ll be over quickly. He probably won’t feel a thing.”

“You don’t know that.” Giving him a sharp look, Buffy then turned her attention back to Spike. “I love him more than I ever loved you,” she finally mumbled. Angel flinched at her words, although he remained silent. Turning around to leave, he froze in his tracks when Buffy spoke up again, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I was going to tell him.”

Watching her downcast head, Angel let out a defeated sigh. Buffy glanced at him and he could see the pained look in her eyes. He cleared his throat. “I’ll be back with the blood. If you need anything else, just give me a call.” Not giving her a chance to say anything else, he hurried out of the room.


TBC

Sitting up abruptly, Buffy looked around the dark room in confusion before realizing that she must have fallen asleep. Her eyes fell on Spike, still unconscious, and she let out a shaky breath. Although the more rational part of her knew that he wasn’t dust and therefore would be okay, she was absolutely horrified by the condition he was in.

His clothes were torn, revealing his severely bruised skin, and he was all covered in dried blood. The knuckles on his right hand were raw and bloodied. And his left hand – although she had done her best to set the broken bones – was almost twice its normal size by now and had taken a sickening, bluish color.

Still, it was nothing compared to what had been done to his once so beautiful face. Both his eyes were swollen almost completely shut, and the skin was covered with both blisters and large, open wounds which made it look like he had been burned by acid. Also, his eyelashes, eyebrows and even some of his hair had been singed.

Buffy was afraid of touching him, terrified of adding to his pain, although she couldn’t keep herself from brushing her fingers softly over Spike’s dry and cracked lips, needing the contact to make sure that she wasn’t just imagining things – that he was really here. That she hadn’t lost him again, for good this time.

She had pulled up a chair next to the bed, wanting to be as close to Spike as possible, but as the time passed, she had eventually dozed off. Now her arms and back were aching and she felt dirty, having not taken the time to shower this morning. Casting a longing look towards the bathroom, she decided that she should at least go and wash her face.

“I’ll be right back, okay, Spike?” she whispered, although she knew he probably wouldn’t hear her. More than anything, she wished he would respond. But Spike remained silent and unresponsive. Buffy sighed and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before she got up and headed for the bathroom.


~ ~ ~


“Angel? Wait!”

The vampire stepped away from the microwave, just about to leave the room. Now he stopped and turned to look over his shoulder. “Fred? I’m sorry, didn’t see you over there.”

Fred waved her hand in dismissal. “How’s Spike?” The concern in her voice was evident.

“How would I know?” Angel grimaced. “Ask Buffy. She’s the one who’s up there playing nurse.” Seeing Fred’s slightly confused expression, he gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry. Again. Guess I’m a bit on edge today.”

“Oh, that’s perfectly understandable.” Fred let out a nervous laugh. “I mean, there’s an evil demon out there, and Rowan...” She hesitated. “Um, have you decided what to do with him? You’re not actually gonna kill him, are you?”

“No.” Angel rolled his eyes and added, “Buffy still might, though.”

Fred scoffed. “Oh, come on! She wouldn’t do that.” Then she suddenly became uncertain. “Would she?”

“I don’t know,” Angel admitted with a sigh. “She’s pretty upset, and I can’t exactly say I blame her.” The brunette nodded in understanding. Angel went on, “Rowan’s staying here at the hotel for now. I figured it wouldn’t be safe for him to go back there.”

“Guess not,” Fred agreed. She was quiet for a moment. “So, what are we gonna do about the demon in the basement?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Angel stared at her in disbelief. “We’ll go back there and take him out, of course. Make sure he won’t be able to hurt anyone else.”

“Well, I kinda get that. It’s just...” Fred bit her lip. “Any idea how?”

The dark-haired vampire didn’t answer at first. Instead he lowered his eyes to the steel thermos he was holding. Finally he sighed. “I’m working on it, all right? We’ll figure something out.”


~ ~ ~


After his brief conversation with Fred, Angel took the elevator up to the third floor, marched down the long corridor until he reached Buffy’s room. He knocked on the door, waited for a moment, then frowned when nothing happened. He tried again. “Buffy?” he called out, quietly. Still no response.

Hesitating a little, he reached out to try the doorknob. It moved easily, so he carefully pushed the door open and peeked inside. “Buffy? Spike? It’s me. I brought some...” His voice trailed off when he heard the water running in the bathroom. As he stepped through the door, he immediately spotted Spike’s still form on the bed.

Angel frowned and took a step closer, watching the other vampire for a moment. He was surprised to find that Spike was still out, having almost expected him to be awake by now, but then again, his body had clearly taken a lot of beating and would need a lot of time to recover. For some reason, Angel felt a wave of sympathy well up inside him, and his frown deepened.

It was no secret that he and Spike didn’t get along. But despite their open hostility towards one another, it had never been a question of pure hate between them, at least not as far as Angel was concerned. Not really, anyway. The thing was just that every time he looked at the bleached blond vampire, Angel was reminded of all the horrible things he had done before his soul was returned to him by the Gypsies.

And Spike, he had actually chosen to get his soul back, just so he wouldn’t be able to hurt the woman he loved. The ironic part was that, without a soul, Angel had never even been capable of loving anyone. In fact, Angel hadn’t even wanted the soul back in the first place. And that was what made the two of them so different.

Angel would never admit it out loud, but a part of him had always envied Spike’s ability to love. Of course, he used to mock the younger vampire back in the days, derisively telling him love was nothing but a pathetic weakness. Now he couldn’t help but think that maybe he was the one who had been pathetic all along. After all, in the end, Spike was the one who had gotten the girl.

Buffy. Angel let out a sigh. To him, the blonde slayer represented everything that was good and pure in the world. Everything he was not. He had known they could never have a future together. She deserved so much better. Over the years, Angel had come to accept that as a fact – she was better off without him.

So he had done the only thing he could think of at the time. He had let her go, so that she would be able to live a normal life, with a normal man. Angel had been so convinced that he had done the right thing; that in the end, Buffy would see the sacrifice he had made for what it was, and be grateful towards him.

Only Buffy hadn’t been grateful. Not at all. In fact, she had resented him for his actions, accused him of making decisions for her and trying to control her life. And in the end, she had moved on. It was only natural that she would eventually fall in love again. The only problem was that the love of Buffy’s life happened to be another vampire.

Angel now realized how incredibly naive and stupid he had been. Buffy was the Slayer. Of course she would never have a normal life. And it turned out that it didn’t really matter. Because now, she was finally happy. He should have accepted that a long time ago.

Sometimes, he really wished that he could just hate Spike. It would make things so much easier. Not that Angel actually liked Spike. No, he still found the other vampire to be one of the most annoying creatures he had ever come across. Still, he couldn’t hate Spike. Because deep down, Angel respected him too much for that.

Suddenly Spike stirred on the bed, causing Angel to snap out of his thoughts. After a brief moment’s hesitation, he took another step closer. When nothing else happened, Angel cleared his throat. “Spike?” He was just about to call out for Buffy when Spike moved again, his lips parted slightly and he let out a low groan.

Angel opened the thermos he had been carrying, the thick, sweet yet metallic scent of blood spreading in the room. “Hey, Spike? Want some of this?” He took one more step towards the bed, holding out the thermos in front of him.

In that moment, Spike vamped out, his damaged face shifting into a demon. Despite his injuries, he struggled to sit up, bared his fangs and let out a threatening roar. Angel was taken by surprise and jumped back, almost dropped the thermos and just barely managed to save the contents from spilling on the floor.


TBC

Acting out of pure instinct, Angel vamped out . Without taking his eyes away from Spike, he quickly put the thermos down and raised his hands in a non-threatening gesture. Then he realized that Spike wouldn’t be able to see him anyway, and lowered his hands again with a frustrated growl. “Spike, it’s me.”

If he had expected those words to calm the agitated vampire, he turned out to be mistaken. If anything, his announcement only seemed to make things worse. Spike’s roar grew louder, and – clearly both confused and disoriented – he scrambled backwards in alarm, obviously not realizing how close he was to the edge of the bed.

Spike let out a startled yelp as he tumbled to the floor. There was a cracking sound as the back of his head hit the nightstand, causing Angel to wince in sympathy, and the dark-haired vampire took a hesitant step forward. “Crap! Spike, are you okay?”

“Spike? Angel! What the hell are you doing?” Choosing that moment to step out of the bathroom, Buffy threw Angel an accusing look before rushing over to Spike and dropping to her knees next to him. “Spike, it’s okay. No one’s gonna hurt you.”

Angel’s eyes widened slightly. “Hey, don’t blame me, I was just...” His voice trailed off when he realized that Buffy wasn’t listening. Not really certain of what to do at that moment, he simply remained where he was, shoving his hands down in his pockets as he awkwardly watched the couple on the floor in front of him.

Buffy swallowed. “Spike? Do you hear me?” She carefully put her hand on top of his, only to pull back when he flinched away from her touch. With tears welling up in her eyes, she glared at Angel over her shoulder. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Angel exclaimed defensively, his features slipping back into human. “I was just bringing him some blood, like I said I would,” he explained, gesturing towards the thermos on the floor.

“And you just decided to barge in here, like you own the place,” Buffy muttered angrily before turning her attention back to Spike.

“Actually, I do own...” Angel started, then stopped himself as he decided that now wasn’t a good time for making needless corrections. In fact, he was starting to feel out of place, like he was imposing on a private moment. Letting out a sigh, he picked up the steel thermos from the floor, put the lid back on and set it down on the chair. Then he slipped out of the room without another word.

Buffy took a deep breath. “Spike, you’re safe now.” She slowly reached out towards him again, placing her hand softly on his arm.

He jumped slightly, but much to her relief, he didn’t pull away from her this time. “Buffy?” he finally croaked.

Failing to hold back a sob, she nodded, suppressing the urge to throw herself in his arms. “Yeah. I’m right here.”

With her hand still on his arm, she felt him go rigid. He shook his head, slowly. “Not real.”

“What?” Buffy’s eyes widened as the meaning of his words started to sink in, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying. “No, it’s real. I’m real.”

Spike shook his head again. “Can’t see you,” he whispered, hoarsely.

“Oh.” Buffy let out a shuddering breath. “I know. It’s gonna be okay.” She hesitated for a moment before gently taking his right hand and brought it up to her face. “Can’t you feel me?” At first, he didn’t respond. Then she felt him relax, ever so slightly, and he nodded.

A mixture of a laugh and a sob escaped her and Buffy was torn between wanting to break down and weep, or jump for joy. For a moment, she just kept staring at him, as if hypnotized. Then she snapped out of it. “Let’s get off the floor and back into bed, okay?” She was unable to keep her voice steady.

“Where...” He started coughing, then tried again, “Where am I?”

“The Hyperion. My room.” She ran her fingers softly up and down his arm in a soothing gesture before asking, quietly, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

He was silent for almost a minute before finally mumbling in a weak voice, “Pain.”

“It’s over now, okay?” Although his declaration made Buffy’s heart ache, she forced herself to stay strong. Spike had always been able to read her like a book, and the last thing she wanted was for him to pick up on her emotional state and worry about her. “I’m gonna take care of you. You’ll be all right.”

When he didn’t answer, she figured he had to be exhausted. “Come on.” She gently lifted his arm and placed it around her shoulders, then slipped her arm around his waist. Spike didn’t object when she carefully pulled him up on his feet, allowing her to help him back to the bed.

As she quickly moved to pick up the thermos Angel had left, Buffy heard him mumble something. She turned around to look at him. When he remained silent, she sat down on the bed. “Spike?”

He slowly turned his head towards the sound of her voice and repeated his words. “Said ‘m sorry.”

Buffy frowned. “Sorry about what?”

Spike was quiet for a moment. Then he turned away from her. “Date. Missed it. Sorry.”

Almost hysterical laughter bubbled up inside her and she stared at him in disbelief. “My God, are you serious? I thought I’d lost you! Spike, do you have any idea...” The thought of going on living her life without Spike, now when she had gotten a second chance to be with him, was next to unbearable. For a moment, she actually felt like she couldn’t breathe.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Buffy inhaled shakily, desperately trying to get her emotions under control. When she was finally able to speak again, her voice was more than a little strained, although she hoped he wouldn’t notice. “I got some blood for you. You need to eat.” What she really wanted to do was to just take him in her arms, hold him close and beg him to never leave her again.

Realizing that Angel had forgotten to bring a cup, she started to get up, only to gasp in surprise when Spike grabbed her arm. “Stay,” he mumbled, pleadingly.

Taking his hand, she held it gently in hers. “I’m not going anywhere. I was just gonna...” She stopped, hesitating for a moment. Spike was in a desperate need of blood, but her blood would probably make him heal a lot faster. She could give it to him right here, without even having to leave the bed.

“Spike?” Buffy bit her lip. “Do you think you can-“

As if he had been reading her mind, Spike pulled his hand back, abruptly. “No!” He started coughing again.

She swallowed, hard. “You don’t even know-“

He shook his head in denial, and she noticed that he was trembling. “Won’t... hurt you.”

“But...” Buffy was about to insist that she was perfectly okay with him biting her, that she in fact wanted him to, but then decided not to push him. She couldn’t exactly blame him for not trusting himself around her at the moment. She on the other hand trusted him completely. “All right.” She reluctantly got up from the bed, almost disappointed when he didn’t object this time. “Pig’s blood it is, then.”

Rushing into the bathroom, she grabbed a small glass from a shelf and hurried back out, once again sitting down next to the weakened vampire. Then she opened the thermos and poured some of the thick, red liquid into the glass without grimacing. “Okay, here we go.” She put the thermos down and slid her free hand in behind his neck, helping him to raise his head a little so he would be able to drink.

As she carefully brought the glass to his cracked lips, he suddenly tensed up and tried to pull back. Buffy frowned. “What’s wrong?” Spike didn’t answer. He hesitantly sniffed at the air, then at the contents in the glass. A sudden thought occurred to her. “It’s not human, is it? Angel told me human blood’s not allowed around here. But he’s the one who-“

Spike interrupted her, weakly, “’S not.” However, he still seemed to be confused, like he didn’t know what to think. But when she offered him the glass again, he hungrily gulped down the blood, emptying the glass in mere seconds. “More,” he gasped, desperately, and she realized that he must have been starving. She quickly reached for the thermos and filled the glass again.

When there was no more blood left, Buffy gently lowered him back down on the bed. “You rest now, okay? I’m not leaving.”

He slowly turned his face in her direction, although she knew he couldn’t see her. “Really here, luv?”

“Yeah.” A single tear found its way down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “And so are you,” she added quietly, not sure if she was trying to assure him, or herself. When he didn’t say anything more, she reached out a shaky hand towards his face, brushing her fingers tenderly over his burned skin. “I love you,” she whispered.

There was no response. Buffy repeated her words, a little louder this time. “Spike? I love you.” Still nothing. She realized that he had fallen asleep and probably hadn’t heard her. Watching him for a moment, she then kicked her shoes off, curled up next to him on the bed, and wept.


TBC

”Rowan? You in there?”

Rowan sighed as he reluctantly made his way over to the door before the knocking would start again. He was really not in a mood for company at the moment. Opening the door, he found himself standing face to face with Gunn. He rolled his eyes. “Of course I’m in here. Where else would I be?”

Gunn looked a little taken aback, raising his hands defensively. “Look, dude, I was just-“

“Don’t tell me,” Rowan cut him off with a snort. “Come to check on the prisoner, right? Angel sent you?”

“Okay, first of all? You’re not a prisoner. Stop being so dramatic, will you?” Gunn shook his head. “You’re free to walk around the hotel. And no, Angel didn’t send me. I came here because I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Rowan was tempted to say no, but decided against it. Suppressing a sigh, he took a step back, allowing Gunn to enter. “Yeah, sure. But if you’re here to tell me how I screwed up, you’re wasting your time. Already know that.”

“Feeling sorry for yourself, are you?” Gunn went over to the couch and sat down.

Letting out a bitter laugh, Rowan shook his head. “Believe me, man, I’m way past that. I know I deserve whatever I get.” He wasn’t really surprised when Gunn didn’t object. “How’s Spike doing? I thought of going to see him, but...” He shrugged and looked away.

“Trust me, man, you don’t wanna do that.” Gunn got a serious look on his face. “I went over there before, and the Slayer nearly bit my head off. If you showed up, I have a feeling she’d slay first and ask questions later.”

“Probably,” Rowan agreed with a sigh. “Can’t say I blame her.”

“No.” Gunn was quiet for a moment. “Look, Rowan, I’ll just get to the point. No one around here’s very happy with you right now. You’ve been lying to us for weeks, not to mention the fact that a lot of innocent demons are dead now because of you. And when you start selling out your friends-“

“Hey!” Rowan interrupted him. “It wasn’t like that, all right? I didn’t know Spike would go to my house. I never meant for him to get hurt.”

“Maybe not.” Gunn sighed. “But it happened. The question is, are you ready to atone?”

“Yes, of course I am.” Rowan looked him right in the eyes. “Look, Gunn, I feel really bad about what I’ve done and I wanna make things right. I just don’t know if it’s possible.”

Gunn watched the blond for a moment to make sure he was serious. Then he nodded. “It is. You can put an end to this, once and for all.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Actually, you’re the only one who can.”


~ ~ ~


Buffy didn’t know what time it was, or how long she had just been lying there on the bed, carefully reaching out to touch Spike every once in a while, just to make sure he was still there. The tears had finally stopped, and she was pretty sure she had even drifted off at some point. Spike was lying next to her, still in the same position; flat on his back with his head tilted slightly in her direction.

Now she watched him, closely. He still looked about the same as before, and she knew it would take more than just a few cups of blood for him to heal. Having not given up on the idea of making him drink from her, she decided to at least wait a day or so before bringing it up again, not wanting to upset him.

Thinking about what he must have been through over the last couple of days, she nearly started crying again. It really wasn’t like her to be this emotional, but lately, she seemed to be bawling constantly. She felt a little bad for the way she had treated Angel, when he had just been trying to help. Although Buffy hated to admit it, she knew deep down that she wouldn’t have been able to save Spike by herself.

Spike suddenly let out a soft moan, and Buffy quickly pushed all thoughts about the dark-haired vampire to the back of her mind. Holding her breath, she waited to see if Spike would wake up. If not, she really didn’t want to disturb him. After all, he needed his rest. She kept watching him in silence.

“Look that bad, do I?” Spike mumbled in a weak voice, causing her to jump.

Somehow, she managed to keep her voice steady. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long.” He groaned. “Just please, tell me...”

She reached for his hand. “What?”

“Still got my hair?”

At first, she just stared at him. Then she burst out giggling. It came out a little too hysterical for her liking, but she couldn’t help it. “Yes. Most of it, anyway.” As she ran her fingers softly through his tangled curls, she noticed how her hands were shaking.

Spike was quiet for so long, she almost thought he had passed out again. Then he spoke quietly. “Holy water.”

“What?” Buffy frowned, trying to figure out what he meant.

He let out a shuddering breath before clarifying, “My face.”

“Oh.” It all started to make sense to her. She closed her eyes in a weak attempt to hold back another flood of tears, and a sickening sensation came over her. “I’m so sorry,” she finally whispered. When he didn’t respond, she bit her lip. “Um, can I get you something? More blood?”

Spike shook his head. “’M fine.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Spike, you’re not fine. And you won’t be, unless you’ll eat.” As he remained silent, she continued, “I’ll just go downstairs and-“

His arm shot out, weakly grabbing her before she could get up. “Don’t go.”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Spike realized how pathetic and needy he sounded, but he couldn’t help himself. Not that he would ever admit it, but the thought of being alone terrified him. He dreaded the silence. As long as Buffy was still in the room, he would know it wasn’t just his mind playing games with him, that it was really over.

The first thing he’d become aware of when he woke up was Buffy’s scent, so achingly familiar. It was her presence that kept him from panicking when he tried to open his eyes, only to find himself staring into total darkness. He vaguely recalled Buffy telling him that he was back at the hotel, in her room. However, he had no idea how he’d gotten there.

He wanted to ask her what happened, how she had managed to find him, but it didn’t take long for him to discover that he didn’t have enough energy to speak more than a few words at the time. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep. But a part of him didn’t dare, fearing that the next time he’d wake up, he would be back in the basement.

Of course, he wouldn’t breathe a word about his fears to Buffy, not wanting to look as weak and pathetic as he felt. He was blind, his entire body was aching, and he could barely move. In fact, he couldn’t remember ever feeling so completely helpless before, not even after getting that bloody chip in his head.

Spike knew Buffy was watching him; he could feel it. At the moment, he was actually grateful that he couldn’t see her, not wanting to see the sympathy in her eyes. He didn’t want her to feel sorry for him, to pity him. Although he craved her presence, loved her for being there, he didn’t want her to see him like this. Tears of humiliation and frustration welled up in his eyes and he was unable to stop them.

“Spike?” Buffy’s voice was filled with concern. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? Are you in pain?” She put her hand gently on his cheek, but when he instinctively flinched, she immediately pulled back. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean...” Her voice trailed off, and Spike could smell her tears. “What can I do?” she asked quietly, the uncertainty evident in her voice.

He wanted to beg her to just stay with him, but the words wouldn’t come. Desperately trying to keep what little dignity he had left, he turned his face away from her. “Tired,” he whispered. It wasn’t a lie. He felt totally and utterly exhausted.

“Oh, okay.” Buffy hesitated. “Why don’t you just try to get some more sleep? I’ll call Angel and tell him to bring more blood. You can eat when you wake up.” Not trusting his voice to hold, Spike just nodded.


~ ~ ~


“Let me see if I got this straight...” Having been pacing the room, Rowan now stopped in front of Gunn. “You went to the white room?” The other man nodded. “And you talked to the, um...”

“The big cat, yeah.” Gunn nodded again. “I explained the situation, hoping the Senior Partners might have some idea how to destroy this Morou guy.”

“And?” Rowan was almost afraid to ask.

Gunn sighed. “Cat wasn’t really interested in helping at first. But I was kinda persistent. Apparently, there is a way.”

Rowan raised his eyebrows in surprise, a hopeful note in his voice, “How?”

“Wouldn’t say.” Gunn hesitated for a moment. “Told me you’ll have to figure it out by yourself.”

“Me?” Rowan stared at him in disbelief.

“Well, it turns out the only way Morou can be killed,” Gunn looked him right in the eyes, “is by the hand of his servant.”

Rowan lowered his eyes in shame. “Oh.” He swallowed, glancing at the other man. “Guess the Senior Partners aren’t very pleased with me.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that...” Gunn got an unreadable look on his face. “Let’s just say they weren’t all that surprised.”

“What are you saying?” Rowan was more than a little confused. “The Senior Partners knew I was letting some hell-beast kill their employees in my basement? And they let me continue?”

Gunn was quiet for a moment. “Actually, the Senior Partners didn’t just know about Morou. They’re the ones who created him.”


TBC

Rowan stared at Gunn like he had just grown a second head. “What the hell are you talking about? That’s impossible!”

Gunn shrugged. “Nothing’s impossible around here, man. You should know that by now. I don’t have all the details, but from what I understand, there’s been others before you. Other, um...”

“Servants?” Rowan finished, rolling his eyes. “Go ahead – say it.”

The other man nodded in agreement. “All right. If that’s what you wanna hear.”

“Not really,” the blond admitted. “But it’s the truth.”

Gunn didn’t object. Instead he continued, “The way I figured, Morou is the Senior Partners’ way of getting rid of the demons they don’t think belong at Wolfram and Hart. Like the ones who’re not evil enough, or not doing their job properly. Or maybe the Senior Partners just don’t like them, for some other reason. So, what better way to get rid of a demon than using a vicious monster?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Rowan raised a brow, not totally convinced. “Using a Slayer?”

Gunn snorted. “If their intentions were good, sure. But don’t forget, it’s the Senior Partners we’re talking about.

Thinking about it for a moment, Rowan then shook his head. “It doesn’t add up. I don’t know about the other,” he grimaced, “servants, but I sure as hell never got a list of which demons to pick. The decision was always mine. As long as as I...” Rowan lowered his eyes in shame. “As long as I kept them coming.”

“Are you sure about that?” Gunn gave him a doubtful look.

“Of course I’m sure! I...” Rowan stopped, suddenly becoming uncertain. An image of Harmony’s face flashed through his mind, and he recalled trying to come up with a way to get her out of the house. But instead he had ended up writing her a note, telling her to meet him down in the basement.

Was it possible that Gunn could be right? That the Senior Partners had been the ones picking out their victims all along? Rowan suddenly didn’t know what to think. But then he decided that it didn’t really matter. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he looked at Gunn. “You said Morou had other servants before me. If this has been going on for so long, then why hasn’t anyone tried to stop him?”

“Who says they haven’t? Maybe the others were too weak.” Gunn shrugged. “Or maybe they just didn’t care. I don’t know. It’s not relevant. The question is, are you strong enough to stop him? Because right now, Rowan, you’re his servant. The cat was very clear about that. It has to be you.”


~ ~ ~


“What do you want?” Buffy stood in the doorway like a prison guard, blocking Angel’s way.

With a blank expression on his pale face, the dark-haired vampire held up another steel thermos, identical to the one he had brought the last time. “I just figured you probably wouldn’t wanna leave the room.”

Buffy’s face softened a little. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.” However, she remained where she was, keeping him from entering her hotel room.

Angel raised his eyebrows, questioningly. “So, how is he?”

She bit her lip. “He’s asleep.”

The vampire nodded in understanding. “That’s probably just as well. Um, can I come in?”

Buffy shook her head, firmly. “I don’t think so. Remember what happened the last time?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Angel let out a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry about-“

“No, I’m sorry.” Buffy lowered her eyes to the floor. “Angel, I haven’t exactly been fair to you lately. I know how you feel about Spike. You could’ve just stayed here and gone to your meeting, but you didn’t.” She hesitated a little. “Guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you. For, you know, helping.”

Instead of looking pleased, Angel’s eyes darkened. “Whether you believe it or not, Buffy, I still have a soul. I’m not a monster.”

“Maybe not, but I remember what you said the other day.” Buffy looked him straight in the eyes as she recited Angel’s words, mimicking the vampire’s deep voice, “I don’t like Spike. If he got wiped off the face of the earth tomorrow, I’d be the first to celebrate...”

Angel couldn’t help but cringe. “Okay, I did say that. I see your point.”

Buffy opened her mouth, but was interrupted by a moan, coming from inside the room. She threw an alarmed look over her shoulder, about to rush to Spike’s side, but Angel grabbed her arm to stop her. Giving him a warning look, fully prepared to yell at him for keeping her from going to Spike, Buffy’s anger faded when he just held out the thermos without a word.

Taking a deep breath, she took the object in question, managing a small smile. “Thank you.” Angel just nodded and turned around to leave before she got the chance to close the door in his face.


~ ~ ~


Spike woke up with a start, finding himself still surrounded by total darkness. Slightly disoriented, he tried to sit up, only to jump when he felt a firm hand on his chest, holding him down. He panicked and tried to pull away, managing a weak growl.

“Spike, stop it, it’s me. Don’t try to sit up, you’ll just hurt yourself.” The familiar voice made him relax a little. He knew he should have recognized Buffy’s scent, but vivid memories of pain and powerlessness kept haunting him, even in his sleep, and made it hard for him to focus on what was real and what was not.

Feeling the mattress shift as she sat down on the bed, he reached out for her blindly, suddenly feeling a desperate need to touch her. As she immediately took his hand and held it gently between hers, he was filled with both relief and self-loathing.

“How’re you feeling?” She spoke softly, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. “Are you hungry? I’ve got some blood right here.”

He nodded without even thinking, hating how weak he felt. The pain wasn’t quite as bad as before, or maybe he had just gotten used to it by now.

Carefully helping him to sit up, Buffy filled the glass with blood and brought it to his lips, surprised when Spike struggled to lift his right hand and tried to take it from her. “Got it,” he muttered. She opened her mouth to object, then decided against it and obediently let go of the glass.

Immediately noticing that he didn’t even have enough strength in his hand to hold the glass up, let alone lift it to his mouth so he could drink, Spike was unable to hold back a frustrated sob. As if being blind wouldn’t be bad enough – now he couldn’t even take a sip of blood by himself.

His hand was shaking badly and he would have dropped the glass, had Buffy not instantly reacted. Quickly placing her left hand over his, she helped him close his trembling fingers around the glass and hold it in place. “It’s okay,” she mumbled. “Just take it easy. I’ll help you.”

He wanted to protest, insist that he could do it by himself, that he didn’t need her – or anyone’s – help. Hell, he wanted to yell, curse and break things. However, the smell of blood was too tempting, the ravaging hunger won, and he greedily downed the contents in the glass. Hearing Buffy pour up more blood for him, he vamped out and growled, impatiently.

Less than a minute and three glasses of blood later, Spike was satisfied. His face shifted back to human and he let out a shuddering breath. Then, as he could feel Buffy’s eyes on him, he was hit by a wave of guilt and shame. She shouldn’t have to put up with this.

As Buffy took the empty glass away from him, his hand dropped back down on the bed as a part of him expected her to get up and leave. But she remained where she was, and he knew she was watching him in silence, trying to figure out what to do next. “Buffy, I...” he paused, horrified when his voice cracked.

“Spike.” She cupped his cheek, but he flinched back and ducked his head, not wanting her to see the tears of humiliation spilling down his bruised and scalded face. He heard how she inhaled, shakily. “Sweetie, don’t do this. Don’t push me away.”

When he didn’t answer, just stubbornly kept his head down, Buffy moved to put her arms around him, and felt him go absolutely rigid. Determined not to back down, she ignored his weak attempts of resisting, and just held him closer. “Spike, it’s all right. You don’t have to go through this alone. Just let me help you.”

A choked sob escaped Spike’s throat as he was torn between pulling away or accepting the comfort she was offering. Not used to this kind of selfless tenderness, he didn’t know how to handle it. But when she started stroking his hair and mumbling soothingly in his ear, he finally surrendered and leaned into her touch.

Buffy could feel the moment when he gave in, and had to force back a sigh of relief as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, his cold tears wetting her skin. “I’m right here,” she whispered, rocking him gently in her arms. “It’s gonna be okay.”


TBC

Not sure how long they had just been lying close together on the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around Spike’s trembling body and his face pressed against her shoulder, Buffy finally pulled back a little, just so she could look at him, and tenderly wiped away his now drying tears with her thumb. “Hey, you should probably try to get some more rest.”

Spike obediently lay back down against the pillows with Buffy’s help although sleep was the last thing on his mind. He could feel the blood working in his system, relieved when he already felt a little less lightheaded. “How’d you find me?” he asked, hoarsely.

“Well, it’s a long story...” Buffy stopped with a frown. “Actually, it’s not that long. You were gone. I panicked. Rowan found out you’d gone to his house, and told Angel about the beast in his basement. We went over there and got you out. That’s about it.”

He was quiet for a moment, allowing her words to sink in. “You kill him?”

“Rowan?” Buffy raised her eyebrows in confusion.

Spike shook his head. “Demon. Basement.”

“Oh.” Buffy bit her lip. “No. There wasn’t enough time. Wes did a binding spell.” She squeezed his hand, softly. “But we’ll go back there and kill him, as soon as we’ve figured out how. I promise.”

He nodded, slowly. “And Rowan?”

“He’s... around.” Buffy clenched her fists. She realized it wasn’t really an option, but she kind of wished she could just kill Rowan as well. When Spike didn’t respond, she decided to change the subject. “Um, how’re you feeling? Is the blood working?”

“Yeah.” Spike sniffed the air, slowly turning his head towards the empty glass Buffy had put down on the nightstand. “Angel,” he mumbled.

She grimaced a little. “Yeah, he was in here earlier. Guess you can smell him, huh?”

Shaking his head, Spike tried to explain. “Blood.” He felt himself starting to drift off again, and wondered in frustration how long it would take for him to be able to stay awake more than a few minutes at the time. “Angel,” he repeated weakly.

“Yes, Angel’s the one who brought the blood. He... oh.” Buffy’s voice trailed off as understanding started to dawn on her. Already asleep, Spike missed the somewhat hurt note in her voice. Suddenly she didn’t know what to think. Taking a deep breath, she pulled a blanket over Spike’s still form before jumping up in search for her cellphone.


~ ~ ~


Ten minutes later, Buffy once again greeted Angel at the door, this time with a look of betrayal on her face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The vampire let out a nervous laugh. “Um, could you be a bit more specific? You called and said you wanted to see me. I’m here. Mind telling me what this is all about?”

“The blood,” Buffy clarified, impatiently. “You didn’t find it worth mentioning that it was yours?”

Angel looked a little taken aback. “Oh. About that...“ He hesitated, unsure why he hadn’t said anything. Then again, he supposed he had known deep down that she would have objected. Sighing, he looked Buffy right in the eyes. “It’ll make him heal faster. Sire’s blood. It’s a vampire thing.”

“Fine. I buy that.” Buffy folded her arms over her chest. “Still doesn’t explain why you decided to keep it a secret. Besides, Slayer blood would’ve worked just as well.” She avoided Angel’s eyes.

“Well, sure.” Angel’s eyes widened in surprise. The idea hadn’t even crossed his mind. “Seriously, Buffy, I don’t mind. Don’t worry about it.”

She glared at him. “That’s not the point! Maybe I wanted to to give it to him. Ever think about that?” Realizing that she might be revealing too much, her cheeks turned red and she looked away.

Staring at her in disbelief, Angel shook his head. “He never would’ve taken it.”

“And just how the hell do you know that? You’re suddenly an expert on how Spike’s mind works?” Buffy was unable to keep the anger out of her voice.

“You’re kidding, right?” Angel threw his hands up in frustration. “Look, Dru may have been the one turning him, but I’m still Spike’s grandsire. Of course I know how his mind works. Always have. I know he would rather starve to death than risk hurting someone he loves.”

For a moment, Buffy just stared at him with big eyes. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely more than a whisper. “I know that. But he wouldn’t have to actually bite me. I could just-”

“What?” Angel cut her off, an incredulous expression on his face. “Slit your wrist open and bleed into a cup? Hand it to Spike and hope he’ll be able to catch it before you pass out?”

“Yes!” Buffy threw a nervous look over her shoulder and lowered her voice, “I should be the one doing this for him, not you. I love him, Angel. You don’t even care.” Angel’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything. She continued, “It’s not fair. I can’t help him. He’s in so much pain, and there’s not a damn thing I can do for him.”

“Buffy?”

At the sound of Spike’s weak voice, Buffy spun around and hurried over to the bed. Angel took a hesitant step forward, carefully peeking inside. In a way, he could understand Buffy’s frustration. But at the same time, he wondered how she failed to see that she was already helping Spike much more than he ever could, just by being there.

“I’m right here, sweetie. Are you okay?” Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching for Spike’s hand. Instead of responding, Spike turned his head towards the door, clearly sensing the presence of the other vampire. Buffy glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, Angel stopped by. We were just talking. I’ll tell him to leave.” She started to get up.

“No, ‘s okay.” Spike gave her hand an assuring squeeze. “Wanna talk to him.”

“Oh. All right.” Buffy was a little surprised, but sat back down. She turned to look at Angel, reluctantly gesturing for him to enter the room.

The dark-haired vampire stepped through the doorway, looking uncomfortable. “Spike. How are you?” He closed the door behind him after a brief moment’s hesitation.

Spike would have rolled his eyes if he could, but both his eyes were still swollen shut. “Never been better,” he muttered. He really didn’t like the idea of Angel seeing him in such a weakened state, but at the same time, he had some questions and wanted to get it over with. Truth be told, he was too curious to let it go.

“Good. That sounds,” Angel hesitated, “good. Um...”

“Why?” Spike demanded now. Angel couldn’t pretend not to know what the other vampire was referring to. He cast an awkward glance at Buffy, still sitting on the bed. She just looked at him, expectantly.

Angel let out a sigh. “Buffy, maybe you could-“

She firmly cut him off. “Uh-uh. I’m not going anywhere.”

“’S all right, luv,” Spike insisted, not really wanting her to leave, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t get any truthful answers from Angel with Buffy still in the room.

Buffy opened her mouth to object, but something in Spike’s voice made her stop. She took a deep breath and nodded in defeat. “Fine. I’ll go take a shower.” Leaning in to brush her lips gently against Spike’s, she stood up and gave Angel a warning look before heading towards the bathroom.

Waiting for Buffy to lock the door, Angel slowly made his way over to the bed. “So, how are you really?”

Spike didn’t answer at first, and Angel almost thought he wasn’t going to. Then Spike let out a snort. “Feel ‘bout as good as I look.”

“That bad, huh?” Angel tried to keep the sympathy out of his voice, knowing Spike wouldn’t want any pity from him, but didn’t quite succeed. He cleared his throat. “Look, about the blood. It’s no big deal. I was just trying to help.”

“Right. Thanks.” Spike sounded a little cautious, obviously not sure what to think, and Angel couldn’t exactly blame him. An awkward silence filled the room.

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door. Angel raised a brow in question. “Expecting someone?” Spike tensed up. Struggling to sit up, he let out a low growl. Angel turned towards the door with a frown. “What?” Then he sniffed at the air, and realization hit him.

“I’ll get that.” Feeling anger well up inside him, Angel strode across the room before Spike could object, jerking the door open. “What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded.

Rowan looked taken by surprise, clearly having not expected Angel to be the one to open. He swallowed. “Angel. Hey. I was just, um... How’s Spike? Is he awake? I’d like to see him.”

“That’s probably not a good idea,” Angel coldly declared. Seeing that Rowan was about to object, he continued, a hint of warning in his voice, “In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t show my face around here for a while.”

The blond man was quiet for a moment. “I understand. Look, I can’t change what happened. I just wanna tell him I’m sorry.”

“I really don’t think...” Angel started, then stopped himself, casting a look over his shoulder. His eyes landed on the empty glass on the nightstand, and he was hit by a sudden idea. Hoping that Spike would understand, he took a step back. “Second thought, why don’t you come in?”


TBC

Giving Angel a wary look, Rowan stepped through the door, only to stop on the other side. “Spike? Are you-” He was cut off as the vampire in question snarled at him from his position on the bed. Rowan gulped. “Look, I was just-“

“Hold it,” Angel ordered. Rowan immediately fell silent. The dark-haired vampire continued, “Spike, stop it. Rowan won’t be staying long. I just wanna show him something.” He turned back to Rowan. “See that empty glass on the nightstand? I want you to pick it up.”

At first Rowan looked surprised, then his eyes widened in alarm. “What? Why?”

“Just do it,” Angel insisted. Glancing at Spike, he was pleased to find that the other vampire had become quiet, and noted that Spike appeared to be just as confused as Rowan. Seeing how Rowan’s eyes darted suspiciously from him to the glass, Angel added, patiently, “Today, please. We’re waiting.”

“What are you...” Spike started, then stopped as he realized what Angel was thinking. He cocked his head to the side and turned his face towards the blond, although he was still unable to relax, not comfortable with Rowan in the room.

Rowan swallowed hard, understanding finally dawning on him. Angel clearly intended for him to use his power to get a sense of what Spike had gone through. For a brief moment, he considered simply refusing, but decided against it. After all, he wanted to make amends, and if Angel thought this was a step in the right direction, Rowan didn’t really have much choice.

Taking a deep breath, Rowan nodded in acceptance and walked over to the nightstand. His hands were shaking slightly as he picked up the glass, silently cursing his ability. He was definitely not looking forward to this, however, he knew it was nothing more than he deserved. Closing his eyes, Rowan reluctantly forced himself to block out everything else and focus on the cold glass in his hand.

Immediately hit by a wave of indescribable pain, Rowan let out a gasp and dropped to his knees. The visions had always been intense, but he still hadn’t been prepared for this. Not even noticing how the glass slipped out of his hand and shattered on the floor, he suddenly found himself down in his basement, staring into a couple of familiar black eyes.

Morou raised his head, leering at him. “Of course, it won’t have to end like this. All you have to do is get down on your knees, and beg Morou to spare you.” Deep down, Rowan knew it wasn’t real, that he was merely experiencing a memory and was actually seeing through Spike’s eyes. Still, it didn’t make the sensation any less frightening.

Rowan watched in horror as the creature stood up and uttered a low, hissing sound, eyes turning completely red. He realized he was trapped against the brick wall with the demon towering over him, holding a glass of some clear liquid looking like water just above his face. But if it was only water, then why did the mere sight of it fill him with terror?

Trying to pull away, Rowan found that his body wouldn’t obey him. His ribs were aching and he could feel the taste of blood in his mouth. The beast suddenly grabbed him by the throat and poured the contents in the glass over him. Rowan could feel his face burning and cried out in pain.


~ ~ ~


Stepping out of the shower, Buffy quickly dried herself off before slipping into a pair of grey sweatpants and a dark blue tank top. As she was pulling her hair back in a ponytail, she heard the sound of shattering glass followed by a blood-curling scream from the next room, and stopped dead in her tracks. Forgetting all about her wet hair, she dropped the hairbrush and rushed out of the bathroom.

Her eyes widened in shock at the sight that met her. Rowan was crouching down on the floor, desperately scratching at his face and hollering in pain. Angel was standing a few feet away, looking startled. And Spike was sitting up in the bed, rigid, clearly not sure what was going on.

Buffy stared at Rowan, then at the scattered pieces of broken glass next to his feet. “What the hell’s wrong with him?” she demanded as she turned to Angel.

Finally taking his eyes away from Rowan, Angel looked at Buffy, a slightly guilty expression on his face. “He’s not really in pain. It’s just a vision. I thought...” He shook his head, uncertain of how to explain. It had seemed like a good idea at the time; forcing Rowan to sense some of Spike’s pain. But now, seeing Rowan’s reaction, it just seemed cruel and barbaric.

When Rowan let out another agonized scream, Angel shrugged helplessly, at a loss for what to do. Without hesitation, Buffy walked over to Rowan and punched him in the face, although not hard enough to knock him out. The blond’s head snapped back and he became silent. Blinking a couple of times, clearly disoriented, Rowan gasped and slumped back against the wall, finally free from his vivid sensation.

Spike was the first to break the silence in the room. “Buffy? What’s happening?”

“That’s what I’d like to know.” Making her way over to Spike, Buffy sat down next to him, although her eyes never left Angel.

The dark-haired vampire ignored her. “Rowan? Are you okay?” There was a hint of concern in his voice.

“Sure,” Rowan muttered sarcastically, grimacing as he touched his sore nose. “Happy now, or do you want me to keep paying for my mistakes for the rest of my life?” Before Angel got the chance to respond, Rowan scrambled to his feet and took a couple of wobbly steps towards the bed. “Spike, I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for hating me, but you have to believe me when I say I never meant for any of this to happen.”

Spike growled. “The others. You set ‘em up.”

Rowan swallowed hard, shame written all over his face. “Yes, I did. Trust me, if I could go back and change things, I would.”

“It’s too late for that now,” Buffy stated, glaring at him.

“I know.” Rowan sighed. “I’m truly sorry.” He meant it, from the bottom of his heart. However, he didn’t expect the others to forgive him that easily. His only hope now was to find a way to get rid of Morou, once and for all. It still wouldn’t make up for all the damage he had caused, but he figured that it would at least be a start.

“Sorry?” Spike snorted. “That what you told Harmony?” Rowan lowered his eyes in shame. Spike continued, his right fist clenching, “Know what that bastard did to her? I got away easy.” He slumped back against the pillows behind him. “Get the fuck out,” he mumbled, weakly.

Angel opened his mouth to say something, but raised his hands in surrender when Buffy shot a warning glare in his direction. He turned to Rowan with a sigh. “Let’s go. We have work to do.” A part of him was actually starting to feel a bit bad for Rowan; it was painfully obvious that the man genuinely regretted his actions. Angel could relate to that.

Sure, Rowan had screwed up, to put it mildly, but Angel suddenly realized that he was not exactly the right person to judge anyone. Like he hadn’t done his own share of bad things over the years. Of course, he didn’t have a soul back then. Then again, he supposed it didn’t really matter. Because soul or no soul, he was still the one responsible.

And if he had gotten a chance to make up for his past, to make amends for his evil deeds, who was he to say that Rowan didn’t deserve the same chance? Angel shook his head to clear his thoughts as he followed Rowan out of the room. There would be time to reflect on that later. Right now, they had an evil beast to take care of.


~ ~ ~


As soon as Angel and Rowan had left the room, Buffy hurriedly locked the door to make sure she and Spike would finally get some privacy. Returning to the bed, she hesitated briefly before sitting back down. “You wanna sleep some more?” He shook his head, although it was obvious that he was still pretty worn out. Buffy bit her lip. “Okay. Um, feel like talking, then?”

Spike turned his head in her direction. “About what?”

“Well...” Suddenly nervous, Buffy started fidgeting with the blanket. Finally she took a deep breath. “If I asked you to do something for me, would you?”

“Course.” He paused, letting out a tired sigh. “Unless it involves moving.”

She smiled a little. “Just barely.” Spike remained silent, clearly waiting for her to continue. “Look, Spike, we both know my blood would make you heal a lot faster.” Seeing how he immediately tensed up, opening his mouth to protest, she hurried on, “I know what you said about not wanting to hurt me, but would you at least hear me out? Please?”

Spike swallowed. “All right.”

Buffy was quiet for a moment, choosing her next words very carefully. “Okay, first of all, I want you to know that I trust you completely. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve decided that I want to do this.” He shook his head again, but she wasn’t finished. “I’m serious, Spike. I don’t want you to drink Angel’s blood - I want you to take mine.”


TBC

Spike was silent for so long, Buffy started to think he had fallen asleep again. When he finally spoke up, his voice was unsteady, doubtful. “Why?”

“Why?” She stared at him in disbelief, of course, he still couldn’t see her. “Isn’t it obvious? Because you need it. Because I want to help you get better. Because...” She was too embarrassed to admit that the idea of him willingly drinking Angel’s blood and refusing hers filled her with an irrational feeling of jealousy.

The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became. It wasn’t the first time she had been in a situation like this. But this time, she had no doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. The thought of Spike drinking from her didn’t scare her at all. And why should it? Even Angel had confirmed that Spike would never hurt her.

The truth was, deep down, Buffy feared that Spike still didn’t dare to fully believe that her feelings for him were real. Not that she could really blame him, with all the mixed signals she kept sending out, but the idea of him once again rejecting her declaration of love was almost more than she could handle. If she could just get him to accept this gift, maybe then he would realize how serious she was.

Of course, she couldn’t quite bring herself to think of it as a gift. To her, it just felt completely natural. Spike needed her blood to heal, so she would give it to him. She had done the same thing for Angel once. The only difference was that she didn’t have a choice back then. Angel had been dying, and her blood the only thing that could save him.

Spike would survive without her blood. He would heal eventually, even though it would take much longer. She did have a choice this time. And she had already made her decision, not that it had been a hard one to make. If anything, the thought was filling her with excitement. Maybe it was a gift after all; the best thing she could give him. The ultimate proof of her love and trust.

And Spike wanted to know why. She had so many obvious reasons, her first instinct had been to start ticking them off one by one, desperate to make him understand. But in the end, there was only one that mattered. And it was so simple. She squeezed his hand, putting as much emotions in her words as she could possibly muster, “Because I love you.”


~ ~ ~


“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Angel looked skeptical. After leaving Buffy and Spike, he and a somewhat reluctant Rowan had returned to his office where Gunn and Wesley had been waiting for them.

Gunn nodded in confirmation. “Positive. That’s the only way this Morou can be killed.”

Angel let out a sigh, casting a glance at Rowan who had slumped down on a chair across the room with a blank expression on his face. “So, basically you’re saying that Rowan will have to fight this creature by himself.” The tone of his voice clearly indicated that he didn’t have much faith in the success of that plan.

“According to the cat, yeah.” Gunn grimaced. “There’s no way around it. Morou has to be destroyed by his servant.” He glanced at Rowan.

Wesley cleared his throat. “Perhaps some spell-“

Gunn interrupted him, giving Wesley an apologetic look. “I wouldn’t count on it. Magic would be too easy. The Senior Partners aren’t stupid.”

“No, they’re not,” Angel agreed, sighing again. For a moment, he considered getting hold of Eve like he had originally planned, demanding to speak to the Senior Partners by himself. Then again, he doubted it would do much good in this situation.

“Research, then,” Wesley suggested, not about to give up. “Even if there’s no mention of Morou in the database, there has to be some information in the source books. I’ll get started right away.”

Angel didn’t look convinced, but nodded anyway. “It’s worth a try. All right. The rest of us should-“

The vampire was cut off as Rowan suddenly jumped up from the chair with a gasp of surprise. At first the blond man just stood completely still in the middle of the room, the confusion evident on his face. Then his expression turned into alarm, and he pressed his fingers against his temples. “Not again,” he mumbled as realization started to hit him.

“What’s wrong?” Angel wanted to know.

Rowan swallowed hard. “It’s Morou. He-” A sharp wave of pain kept him from continuing and he squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a groan. He clenched his fists, struggling against the panic threatening to well up inside him. Finally the pain eased a little, although he had to take a couple of deep breaths before he was able to speak again. “He’s calling for me. I have to go back there.”


~ ~ ~


Buffy felt how Spike tensed up at her words, his entire body became completely still, and his reaction was starting to make her more than a little nervous. “Spike? Say something, I’m kinda freaking out here.”

Spike took a deep, unneeded breath. “Oh, sorry.” But then he fell silent again. Naturally, he missed how she rolled her eyes. Having been holding his hand the whole time, she now let go, and Spike suddenly realized he could feel the hurt and fear rolling off her in waves. That, and the sudden loss of contact, finally snapped him out of it and he reached for her again. “Don’t go,” he mumbled.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered. He could hear her heart beating wildly in her chest. When she continued, her voice was trembling, “Please, don’t tell me what you told me down in the Hellmouth.”

He tilted his head to the side, hating the fact that he couldn’t see her. “What?”

Buffy swallowed. “That I don’t love you.”

“Oh.” He held on to her as hard as he could, suddenly terrified of saying something that would make her pull away again. “You love me?” he finally asked in a husky voice.

“Uh-huh.” She inhaled shakily. “I’m sorry.”

It took a moment before Spike realized how hard he was suddenly squeezing her hand, and managed to loosen his grip a bit. “Sorry?” he croaked in disbelief. “’Bout lovin’ me?”

“What? No! God, are you kidding?” Buffy sounded so genuinely shocked that he relaxed a little. “I’m sorry about not telling you sooner. Because...” she hesitated, “I’ve known for a while now.”

“How long?” The words were out of his mouth before he realized he had spoken. Spike suddenly felt like his head was spinning; a feeling he had come to be quite familiar with over the last couple of days. Only this time, the feeling had nothing to do with blood loss.

“Since you asked me out on a date outside Angel’s office.” Buffy frowned. “Or maybe even before that. I can’t remember. Feels like I’ve been in love with you forever.” She bit her lip. “I was afraid I’d never get to tell you.”

Spike was quiet for a moment, letting the meaning of Buffy’s words sink in. A part of him couldn’t believe this was really happening. Maybe it wasn’t real; maybe he was just dreaming, and any moment now, he would wake up on the cold, hard floor down in that basement. The thought made him shudder.

“What’s wrong?” She sounded both concerned and nervous.

He shook his head, pushing the disturbing thought to the back of his mind. “Nothing.” He swallowed. “What does this mean, then?” As Buffy shifted on the bed, he froze, wondering if she was leaving after all, and then he realized she was simply curling up next to him.

“Whatever you want it to mean,” she murmured. “Everything. I wish you could just see my face. You’d believe me then.” She sighed, carefully putting her head down to rest on his shoulder.

Spike slowly rolled over so he was lying on his side, trying not to grimace as the movement caused his broken ribs to protest. Ignoring the sharp pain the best he could, he reached out a shaky hand towards her face, gently cupping her cheek. “I believe you, luv.”

“Really?” There was a hint of uncertainty in Buffy’s voice. When he just nodded, she let out the breath she had been holding, almost sobbing with relief. A part of her couldn’t help but fear that he would just tell her what he must know she wanted to hear, but she wouldn’t allow herself to think like that. She had to believe he meant it.

She leaned in to kiss him softly, almost hesitantly, on the lips before reluctantly pulling back. “I missed you so much,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

He wanted to tell her he had missed her, too, but was afraid he would start blubbering like a nancy-boy, should he so much as open his mouth. Instead he ran his trembling fingers down Buffy’s cheek, only to stop when he felt the wetness of her tears. “Don’t cry,” he pleaded. He couldn’t stand the thought of her being miserable because of him.

“I’m okay,” she mumbled, sniffling a little. “You’re here now. Please don’t leave me again.”

“I won’t,” he breathed, slipping his arm around her. Maybe he was dreaming, but if that was the case, he never wanted to wake up. However, the pain in his hand and his ribs told him that he had to be awake after all. Besides, the exhaustion was starting to overwhelm him again, which wouldn’t make much sense if he was already asleep. He failed to suppress a yawn.

Realizing how tired he had to be, Buffy ran her fingers gently through his hair. “Spike? Would you do something for me before going back to sleep?”

“What?” He sounded a little suspicious.

She took a deep breath. “Drink from me?” When he didn’t answer, she went on, quickly, “Please, Spike, I know what I’m doing. I trust you with my life and I know you’d never hurt me. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it. I know you want to.” She paused, suddenly self-conscious. “You do want to, don’t you?”

“Are you daft? Course I do,” he exclaimed, incredulously. “But-“

“I’m not afraid of the pain.” Her voice had taken a serious note. “But if you don’t want to bite me, there are other ways. Please, let me do this for you.” He was silent for almost a minute, and Buffy figured he was trying to come up with a way to refuse without upsetting her too much. So his next words came as a total shock.

“All right.”


TBC

”You really think this is a good idea?” Fred gestured towards the closed door in front of them, clearly skeptical. Having returned to the hotel again, she and Angel were now standing out in the hallway on the third floor.

Angel threw his hands up in frustration. “I had to do something. We can’t have Rowan running back to the house until we’ve figured out a way for him to kill that damn thing. As long as he’s locked up in there-“ He stopped as a cry of pain could be heard from the other side of the door.

Fred bit her lip. “But the demon won’t stop hurting him. He’s in so much pain, Angel, what do you think Morou’s going to do if Rowan won’t come back? How long do you think the beast will wait before... you know?” She hesitated, not wanting to say the words ‘it kills him’ out loud.

The vampire sighed. “I don’t know, Fred. Since the binding spell worked, maybe there’s some way to restrain the beast from a distance. That should hopefully make him lose his hold on Rowan. We need more time. Wesley’s working on it.”

Rowan screamed again, causing Fred to wince. “What if Rowan doesn’t have much more time?”

The shrill sound of a cell phone saved Angel from having to answer. Quickly reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he flicked the small phone open. “Yes?” He listened for a moment, his expression turning grim. “That’s not good enough. There has to be something...“ A pause. “I know. All right, I’m on my way.” He turned the phone off with a growl and shoved it back into his pocket.

Fred gave Angel a questioning look. “Wesley?”

“Gunn.” Angel sighed again, handing Fred a key. “They’ve got nothing so far. I have to go back to Wolfram and Hart. Would you keep an eye on Rowan?”

“Of course,” Fred assured him. As the vampire turned around to leave, she took a deep breath and unlocked the door, carefully peeking inside. “Rowan?”

The blond man was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed. He raised his head when Fred entered the room. “What?”

Fred’s eyes widened at the sight of him. “You’re bleeding.” She pointed at his face.

Rowan wiped under his nose with the back of his hand, frowning when he saw the blood. “Guess it’s started again.” His face was white as a sheet and he looked like he hadn’t been sleeping for days. As his hand dropped back down, there was a rattling sound, and Fred’s eyes fell on the heavy chain around his wrist.

Seeing her horrified expression, Rowan let out a bitter laugh. “No one’s keeping me chained up against my will, if that’s what you’re worrying about. Was my idea.”

Fred stared at him in disbelief. “Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Rowan squeezed his eyes shut and let out a groan as he felt another headache coming up, bracing himself for more pain. Luckily, it was over a moment later and he opened his eyes again, letting out the breath he had been holding.

“Are you okay?” Fred sounded concerned.

Rowan rolled his eyes. “Don’t have to pretend like you care, all right? I know you all hate me. And to answer your question, I chained myself to the bed as a precaution. I’m weak, okay? If the pain gets bad enough, I might not be able to resist heading back to the house, just to make it stop. And we can’t have that.”

“I agree, but...” Fred took a hesitant step towards him. “Rowan, I don’t hate you. Neither does Angel. What you did was bad, but you’re not the first one around here who’s ever made a mistake. Besides, Charles told us how the Senior Partners used you to do their dirty work. They corrupted you.”

The blond snorted. “You make it sound like I’m just an innocent victim in all this. I knew Morou was torturing the other demons, and it didn’t bother me. As far as I was concerned, they deserved whatever they got, just because they were demons. What kind of person does that make me?”

Fred opened her mouth, then closed it again. She realized she had no idea how to respond to that.


~ ~ ~


“Really?” Buffy’s voice was uncertain, yet hopeful. “You’re okay with this?”

Spike hesitated. ‘Okay’ was hardly the word he would use to describe how he felt at that moment. He couldn’t lie to himself; the thought of Buffy willingly offering her blood to him was beyond everything he had ever dared to hope for. And she said she wanted to do this for him, so how could he refuse?

He didn’t think he would ever be able to deny Buffy anything. Still, a part of him dreaded the idea of hurting her in any way, even though Buffy insisted that she was perfectly okay with him feeding from her. That she in fact wanted him to. He found himself wondering what he could possibly have done to deserve such a gift.

There had been a time when he used to dream about drinking her blood, not stopping until her heart was no longer beating. Thinking about it now filled him with shame. He may have a soul now, but that didn’t change the things he had done in the past.

On the other hand, Buffy had obviously forgiven him. Spike had never been much for brooding, and he wasn’t about to start now. Deep down, he knew he would never be truly worthy of her love, and that Buffy deserved so much more than he would ever be able to give her. But he was too selfish to walk away again.

So he nodded. “Yeah, ‘m okay.”

“Great!” Buffy almost started bouncing up and down, although she somehow managed to keep her emotions under control. The irony of it wasn’t lost on her; how she could be so overly excited about the fact that a vampire had just agreed to take her blood. Then again, Spike wasn’t just any vampire.

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to calm down and act as mature as possible. “So, um, how do you want to do this? Do you want me to...” She bit her lip, remembering what Angel had said about cutting her own wrist. Surely that would be the safest, most responsible way.

So, why did the other way seem so much more appealing? Buffy shook her head, as if to clear it. There was no point in denying – she wanted Spike to drink directly from her neck. She didn’t want to give him blood the same way Angel had; she wanted to do more than that. Not to mention that – for some reason – the idea of Spike biting her felt even more intimate than sex.

He finally responded, quietly, “How do you wanna do it?”

Silently considering his question, Buffy turned her head slightly, watching him for a moment. They were lying close together on the bed, their faces mere inches apart. She felt a pang in her chest, wishing again that he would be able to see her, to look her in the eyes. Hopefully, after feeding from her, Spike wouldn’t be completely blind much longer.

She refused to even consider the fact that his sight might be permanently damaged. Her blood would heal him, he would be okay. She simply had to believe that. “I love you,” she mumbled, suddenly feeling a desperate need to say the words out loud again.

“That’s not...” Spike stopped, just now realizing that Buffy had told him she loved him, twice, and he had yet to say the words back. Suddenly he felt like a real git. Clearly his brain had stopped working. Maybe he could blame it on trauma. After all, he did feel a bit light-headed again. Angel’s blood had helped, but only for the moment. And they were back to the head topic.

He would be an idiot to turn her down now. Although the idea of drinking from Buffy still made him feel cautious, he couldn’t deny that he needed it. They both knew it. “Buffy, I...” he started. Suddenly he felt frustration well up inside him. He’d never had any problems telling Buffy he loved her before.

But somehow, the word ‘love’ suddenly didn’t seem enough to describe how he felt about her. His feelings for Buffy hadn’t changed, but at the same time, it meant so much more to him now. Annoyed with himself for not being able to put his confused emotions into words, he reached out blindly to cup the back of her neck. “Trust me?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice steady.

Buffy responded immediately, without hesitation. “With my life.”

“I love you,” he whispered, unable to come up with a better way to express his feelings. With any luck, she would understand.

“I know.” Her voice was husky. “Please, Spike...” She leaned in even closer, tilting her head slightly to give him access to her neck, silently praying he wouldn’t reject her.

Spike didn’t need to see to realize what she was doing. If he went through with this, there would be no turning back. Should he not be able to stop... But he wouldn’t allow himself to think like that. He had to believe that he was strong enough, that he wouldn’t hurt her. Buffy trusted him. He just needed to trust himself.

He knew Buffy would agree to do this in another way if he asked her. But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to suggest it. Besides, there was no doubt what she wanted. There were so many things he wanted to tell her at that moment, but no words would come.

Instead he brushed his lips tenderly against her exposed throat, silently offering her a final chance to back down. When Buffy simply slid her arms around his neck, showing no sign of fear or regret, he took a deep, unneeded breath, wordlessly shifting into his demon face, and let his sharp fangs sink into her soft skin.


TBC

Buffy was surprised that it didn’t hurt more. She had felt a brief sting when Spike’s sharp teeth penetrated her skin, but the pain had merely lasted for a second. It was strange; she knew he was feeding from her, could feel him sucking at her neck and hungrily taking deep swallows of her blood, but somehow, she was still perfectly relaxed.

If anything, the sensation of Spike’s cold lips pressed against her throat, his fangs buried in her neck, made her feel all warm, tingly – and aroused. It was only the fact that he was still hurt that kept her from jumping his bones. There would be time for that later, she decided. Right now, he needed to focus on getting better.

When he suddenly pulled back, she felt strangely disappointed, holding on to him to keep him from moving away from her. “You don’t have to stop,” she mumbled. “It’s okay.”

Gently closing the two small puncture wounds at the side of her neck with his tongue, making sure the bleeding stopped, Spike shook his head. “’S enough.”

“But you barely took anything,” Buffy protested, frowning when she noticed that she was slurring a little. She also felt slightly light-headed, but decided to keep that to herself. The last thing she wanted was for Spike to feel guilty, worried about taking too much. Besides, dizziness aside, she had never felt better in her life.

“Took more than I should’ve,” he muttered, running his fingers softly down her cheek. “How’re you feelin’?”

“Great.” Buffy giggled. “Little woozy, but in a good way.” She failed to hold back a yawn. “Tired, though. You?”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry ‘bout me.” There was a hint of alarm in his voice, and she knew that his first concern would always be with her.

She sighed, slid back down against the pillow and pulled him with her so they were both lying on their side, facing each other. “Spike, I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me. In fact, just give me a few hours rest, and I’ll be ready for another go. I mean it.”

He opened his mouth to object, then seemed to decide against it. “You’re bloody amazing, luv.”

Buffy’s cheeks turned slightly red. “I’m not that special. Seriously, Spike, the only thing that matters to me right now is that you’re okay. I want you to keep drinking from me until you start feeling better.”

Spike shook his head. “You don’t have to-“

“I know,” she interrupted him, a firm note in her voice. “But I want to. Stop being so damn stubborn and just accept that I care about you.”

Spike couldn’t help but enjoy how she kept fussing over him. Of course, he would never admit it out loud. He had some pride, after all. So he let out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine.” Missing how Buffy rolled her eyes, he slid his arm around her waist. “Could sleep for a while, you know. ‘M not going anywhere.”

“You’ve better not,” Buffy told him, smiling a little as she snuggled up against him. “I just got you back. Don’t expect me to let you out of my sight anytime soon. In fact, from now on, you’re staying right here with me so I can keep an eye on you.” She kept her voice light, although Spike got the feeling she was only half joking. Then again, he supposed he could live with that.


~ ~ ~


“Where’s Angel?” Rowan asked, leaning back against the bed. “Still around, or did he go back to the office?”

Fred nodded, hesitating a little before sitting down next to him on the floor. “He had to go to a meeting. Charles called, by the way. He and Wesley are still looking for a stronger binding spell to keep Morou out of your head.”

“No luck so far, huh?” Rowan grimaced. “I’m not saying I don’t deserve the pain, but it’ll be hard for me to kill that bastard as long as I feel like my head’s about to explode.” He got a thoughtful look on his face. “Since he’s obviously not immortal, Morou must have some weakness. You think he knows what it is?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Fred frowned. “Does it matter?”

Rowan shrugged. “It’s just that I’ve noticed he likes to talk. Naturally, Morou would never reveal anything to the one person he knows can take him out. But what if he’s been talking to the other demons? You know, bragging a little before finishing them off. After all, it’s not like they would ever get the chance to tell anyone.”

“I’d say, that’s a pretty long shot.” Fred worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Besides, even if he did, we’ll never find out. He killed all the demons, remember? It’s not like we can ask them if...” She stopped, her eyes meeting Rowan’s.

“There’s one demon Morou didn’t kill,” Rowan pointed out, scrambling to his feet. The chain rattled. “Fred, I need the key. It should be somewhere on the floor.”

“Rowan, wait.” Fred stood up as well. “What if Morou...?”

Rowan interrupted her, an impatient note in his voice, “I haven’t felt any pain for at least five minutes. With any luck, he’s resting. He does that sometimes. Which means I have to work fast.”

“I don’t know...” Fred sighed. “Look, I seriously doubt Spike wants to talk to you right now. He’s been through a lot. Why don’t you-“

“Oh, I know he doesn’t wanna talk to me,” Rowan cut her off. “And I’m sure Buffy will kick my ass if I show up again, but I’m still going. Don’t you see, Fred? I can’t just sit here and wait for someone else to tell me what to do. This is my fight. I have to make things right.”

Fred shook her head. “I don’t think Spike knows anything. You’d probably just be wasting your time.”

“Maybe.” Rowan’s eyes ran over the floor in search for the key to unlock his chain. “But at least I’d be doing something.”


~ ~ ~


When Spike woke up again, he was surprised – yet relieved – to notice that he was able to move his fingers a little, for the first time since the demon had crushed his left hand. There was still some pain, but not nearly as bad as it had been. His ribs didn’t ache as much as before, either.

He had always known the blood of a slayer would be even more powerful to a vampire than Sire’s blood, but he had still not expected it to work so fast. Although he had tasted Slayer blood before, his body hadn’t been so badly damaged the last time.

Much to his disappointment, even though the swelling of his eyes had eased enough for him to manage to open them, at least a crack, he was still blind. His face was itching and burning, but he knew it was just the result of his skin healing. In a day or so, most of the blisters and wounds caused by the holy water would be gone as well.

Buffy stirred next to him and he tensed up, not wanting to wake her. After all, she needed her rest. He knew she had barely left his side since he got back to the hotel and suspected that she had forced herself to stay awake most of the time, just in case he would need anything.

And she said she wanted him to drink from her again. Although he didn’t like the idea of using her like that; like she was just some sort of food supply, he couldn’t deny the fact that the thought filled him with a thrilling sensation. Because he could no longer doubt that her feelings for him were real. How could he, after what she had just done to prove it to him?

“Hey.”

Spike nearly jumped when Buffy spoke, having been too lost in his thoughts to notice that the sound of her breathing had changed and that she was now awake. “Hey. You all right, luv?”

Carefully slipping out of his embrace, Buffy stretched her arms over her head. “I feel great. Why? You’re up for another round of Buffy-on-tap?” She said the last part with a teasing note in her voice. Before he got the chance to respond, her mind finally registered the improvement of his appearance and her smile widened. “Wow, you look so much better already. My blood did all that in just a couple of hours?”

She sounded so proud of herself, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Powerful stuff, your blood. Bet I’ll be up and running in no time.” To prove his point, he struggled to sit up.

“Yeah...” Buffy watched him in silence for a moment. “You still can’t see, though, can you?”

He sighed. “No.”

She gave him a sad smile, which of course was lost on him. As nice as it was to see his blue eyes finally open, she hated the way he seemed to be looking right through her, like she wasn’t really there. “It’ll probably just take some more time.”

“Right.” He didn’t quite manage to keep the frustration out of his voice. “Another bloody year or so. Buffy, what if I never-“

Buffy cut him off by pressing her lips against his, her arms finding their way around his neck. She was relieved when he – after a brief moment’s hesitation – returned the kiss. When the lack of air started to become an issue, she reluctantly pulled back. “Not gonna happen.”

“What’s that?” He sounded confused, and more than a little dazed.

She smiled, pleased with the effect she had on him, and clarified, “You were gonna say, ‘what if I never get my sight back?’ I said, not going to happen.” When he remained silent, she let out a sigh, her smile fading. “Look, Spike, I’m not going to pretend that I know what you’re going through. I can’t imagine what it must be like, not being able to see a thing. But it’s going to get better. You have to believe that.”

Spike wasn’t as convinced, but didn’t fancy getting into a fight with her. So instead of answering, he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her again, almost fiercely. If his actions surprised her, she didn’t let it show. A happy moan escaped her throat, and for a moment, Spike almost believed that everything would be okay after all.


TBC

”Spike, wait. We shouldn’t be doing this.” Buffy pulled back a little. Seeing how his face fell, she quickly reached for his hand, squeezing it softly. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that, well, you’re still hurt. I don’t want you to-“

“’M fine,” he insisted, interrupting her. Buffy remained silent, and for once, he was almost grateful for being blind, not wanting to see the sympathy in her eyes. All of the sudden, he was filled with a desperate need to prove her wrong, to make her see just how capable he was of giving her what she so obviously wanted.

He could smell her arousal and felt guilt and shame washing over him. The thought of Buffy looking at him like he might break, feeling like she had to hold back because of his injuries, made him feel both angry and frustrated. So he ignored her objections and once again captured her lips with his, determined to show her that – although he may be blind – he wasn’t completely incapacitated.

However, his actions turned out to have the opposite effect as Buffy gently but firmly pushed him away. “Spike, stop it. I mean it.” Her words made him freeze, he immediately released her and let his hands drop, suddenly afraid to touch her again.

He cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Buffy didn’t sound angry, nor afraid. So why did she suddenly not want him? If she loved him, why would she reject him now? “Sorry,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent the tears of humiliation from spilling down his cheeks.

When Buffy didn’t respond, he scooted away from her, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed in an attempt to put some distance between them. A wave of dizziness came over him as he tried to stand, and he let out a frustrated growl. When he felt Buffy’s hand on his shoulder, trying to keep him from getting up, he flinched away from her. “Don’t,” he hissed.

Obviously not the least bit intimidated by his sudden anger, Buffy let out a sigh. “Spike, what are you doing? Just where do you think you’re going?”

“Away,” he grumbled, his fists clenching at his sides.

“I can see that. Why?” Buffy threw her arms up in the air, clearly frustrated as well. “This is ridiculous! Just talk to me. What’s this all about?”

“I’m not... I can’t...” Giving up trying to explain, Spike did another furious attempt of rising from the bed, snarling when Buffy jumped up to catch him before his legs gave out. “Need a fucking shower!” he growled.

She took a deep breath. “Okay. So you want to go to the bathroom. I’ll help you.”

Immediately realizing that he was still too weak to walk more than a few steps by himself, Spike’s frustration only grew and he stubbornly shook his head. “Don’t want any help,” he muttered, horrified when his voice cracked. “Sod this! Just leave me alone.”

Spike knew he was lashing out at Buffy when he was really just angry at himself. She didn’t deserve any of this shit from him. Hit by a sudden wave of exhaustion, he sank to the floor with a choked sob. So much for keeping his dignity.

Buffy dropped to her knees, any anger she may have felt immediately faded at the sight of his dejected form. She bit her lip. “Sweetie, as much as I wish I was, I’m no mind-reader. You need to tell me what’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong? Well, me, obviously,” he spat out, hating how he was unable to keep his voice steady. He was quiet for a moment, struggling to get his emotions under control. “Face it, ’m bloody useless to you like this.”

She stared at him, mouth open. “What the hell are you talking about?” Her eyes widened in disbelief as the reason behind his sudden mood-swing was finally starting to dawn on her. “Is that what this is about? You think I don’t want you?”

Spike let out a bitter laugh, but other than that he remained silent, keeping his head down. “Look at me, dammit!” Buffy exploded, then cringed at her thoughtless choice of words. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight. You’re really pissing me off right now, you know that?”

“Nice to hear there’s one thing I‘m still good at,” he muttered sarcastically.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Buffy silently counted to ten. “Are you deliberately trying to make me mad enough to put my foot down and walk away from all this? ‘Cause I’m telling you – although you’re doing a pretty good job – it’s not going to work.”

“Figured as much.” He reluctantly raised his head. “Might be better, though.”

“Better for who?” Buffy stared at him, incredulously. “Seriously, Spike, what part of ‘I love you’ don’t you understand?”

He swallowed. “Love you, too, pet. But what if I’m no good for you?”

“Maybe you should let me be the judge of that.” She shook her head in irritation. “Never thought I’d say this, but right now you’re acting like Angel. Snap out of it!”

Tensing up at her words, Spike let out a snarl, deeply offended. “’M nothing like Angel!”

“That’s what I used to think. Now I’m not so sure.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe we’re having this discussion. Spike, you’re not useless to me. And what happened to ‘I’ll be up and running in no time’?”

He let out a snort. “Running, sure. Into solid objects, since I. Can’t. Bloody. See!”

Buffy’s face softened. “You’re not going to be blind forever.” Seeing how he opened his mouth, she quickly put her fingers over his lips to stop him. “Look, no matter what happens, we’ll deal with it, all right? Just give it some time.”

Spike wanted to believe her, he really did, but the thought of possibly having to spend the rest of his unlife in total darkness absolutely terrified him. For one thing, how was he supposed to fight if he couldn’t see what he was fighting? And that was not even the worst part. Should he stay blind, he would never get to see Buffy’s beautiful face again.

Deep down, he realized he was acting like a jerk, pushing her away like this. Buffy was just trying to help him. Besides, he had been in similar life altering situations before. At first back in Sunnydale when he had gotten that damn chip in his head. He had adapted then, hadn’t he? And then when he had first showed up in LA, unable to touch anything. He had gotten over it.

“You know,” Buffy went on, her tone suddenly light, “if you took some more of my blood-“

“No!” Spike immediately regretted his outburst, horrified that Buffy might think he didn’t appreciate her selfless offer. Reaching out for her blindly, he was beyond grateful that she was still there, within his reach. When he spoke again, his voice was much softer. “Later, all right, if you still want me to. Promise. Just not yet.”

“Okay, but I’m going to hold you to that.” Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Hey, do you still want to take a shower? I can call someone and have them bring you some clean clothes.”

Spike nodded after a brief moment’s hesitation. “Yeah, I’d like that. Buffy, are we...” He inhaled shakily. “We good, luv? Sorry for bein’ a stupid git about this. I just...” Unsure of how to go on, he brought her hand up to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her palm. “’M sorry,” he repeated, weakly.

“I know. We’re okay. But Spike...” Buffy traced his knuckles with her thumb, choosing her words carefully. “Just so you know, even if you don’t get your sight back, it won’t change anything. Between us, I mean. I’d still love you. I would never think any less of you.”

He nodded again, touched by her words. “Thanks, pet.”

Buffy squeezed his hand, then smiled a little, trying to lighten the mood. “You know, I wouldn’t mind taking a nice, long bath right now. We could save both time and water if we...” She left the rest of the sentence hanging suggestively, holding her breath as she waited for Spike’s reaction.

Spike considered Buffy’s suggestion for a moment. A bath did sound more appealing, especially since he didn’t think he would be able to stand up in the shower long enough to actually manage to clean himself up. He suspected that she had the same thought in mind, just not wanting to make him feel awkward by saying it out loud.

Suddenly he couldn’t help but chuckle. If Buffy was so willing to play nurse, then he would be a fool to turn her down. He decided to push his fears and insecurities to the back of his mind and instead focus on what he could have, if he just stopped feeling sorry for himself. “Sure, luv. Sounds like a plan.”


TBC

”Okay, we’re here. I’m just gonna turn the light on.” Buffy reached for the switch on the wall, and the next moment, the room was bathed in light.

“You know, that won’t make much of a difference for me.”

Buffy glanced at Spike who was standing next to her in the small bathroom with his arm around her shoulders to support himself. He didn’t sound bitter, though, and she realized it was the first time he had referred to his blindness without resentment. She decided it had to be a good sign.

She tried to keep her voice light as she responded, “Yeah, well, I figured at least one of us should be able to watch where we’re going. There’s been enough injuries between the two of us over the last couple of days to last a lifetime.”

Spike let out a snort. “Us? Last time I checked, I was the one who got my ass kicked, not you.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Buffy helped him over to the bathtub and made him sit down while she turned the faucet on. “I think I bruised my fist on Rowan’s face pretty bad.” He snickered at that, and it hit Buffy just how much she had missed that sound. “And, um, I kinda punched Angel as well.”

His smile faded, and when he spoke, he sounded regretful. “Think you could do it again, so I could at least listen? Hate to have missed that.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Stop it. Angel’s been really helpful lately, and you know it.”

Spike shrugged. “Sure. Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy his pain.” A sound of amusement escaped her. “Speaking of the poof, what did he have to say?”

“What? When?” Buffy’s voice turned innocent as she rummaged through the bathroom cabinet, smiling in triumph when she found a large bottle of bath oil.

He let out a patient sigh. “Angel. You talked to him on the phone, less than five minutes ago. What did he say?”

“You know, these have to come off.” Buffy tugged gently at the edge of his blood-stained t-shirt. Then she removed the lid from the bottle and sniffed the contents. “Oh, and Angel told me he already stopped by your place and picked up some stuff for you, he just forgot to bring them up. They’re in a bag down in the lobby. And, um...”

“What?” Spike suddenly sounded suspicious. Starting to pull the black shirt over his head, he grimaced when his ribs once again protested. Still, the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been before he had tasted Buffy’s blood.

“Here, let me do that.” Not giving him the chance to object, Buffy carefully helped him to remove the shirt. Her eyes ran over his upper body and she was pleased to notice that most of the cuts and bruises were already fading. Spike had been right; her blood was really powerful. Of course, the mending of his broken bones would take a little longer.

She gasped in surprise when he suddenly – with one swift move – managed to pull her tank top off, wincing when she heard it tearing by the seams. “Spike!”

“Sorry, luv. Get you a new one.” Despite his words, Spike didn’t sound apologetic at all; if anything, he seemed extremely proud of himself. As he reached for the edge of her sweat pants, Buffy immediately swatted his hand away. When he actually pouted, she couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’ll do it myself, thank you very much. No need to destroy all my clothes.” Buffy quickly let her pants drop to the floor before putting her hand under the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Not missing his sullen expression, she shook her head in amusement. It suddenly occurred to her that they had been having a conversation about Angel, and that Spike had managed to distract her completely.

“About Angel...” she started, ignoring his groan. “He also asked me if he should bring you some more blood. I told him it wasn’t necessary.” She held her breath.

Spike frowned, clearly forgetting that she was standing in front of him practically naked. Had he not been blind, Buffy would have been deeply offended. “Then how am I... oh.” He stopped as understanding hit him. “Buffy, I don’t think-“

“Uh-uh!” she firmly cut him off. “Don’t start with me, Spike. You already promised.”

“I know, but...” He tried to reason with her. “Look, I know I agreed to drink from you again. But I can’t just have your blood and nothing else. Hate to say this, luv, but I’m still weak. Could never ask you to give me that much.”

Buffy sighed. “You’re not asking. I already told you – I’m okay with this. You won’t need that much of my blood anyway, just a few sips here and there. And besides...” Her cheeks turned slightly red. “I kinda liked it when you bit me.”

He tensed up, and at first she thought her words had upset him. Then he smirked. “Turn you on, did it?”

“No. Maybe.” Buffy glanced at him. “Is that normal?”

Spike shrugged. “Yes, and no. Wouldn’t be the same with just any vampire, so don’t you get any ideas.” He said the last part with a teasing note in his voice.

She scoffed at him. “Good thing you told me, ‘cause I was just about to go find some random vamp out in the street and ask him to bite me, just for the thrill of it.”

“It happens, you know. Normal people paying vampires to feed from them, just ‘cause it makes ‘em hot.” Spike wrinkled his nose as Buffy poured a large amount of the sweet scented liquid into the water. “What the bleedin’ hell’s that? ‘M not getting in there if I’m gonna smell like a soddin’ fruit basket.”

“Hey, this is not a girly bath oil,” Buffy protested. “The bottle is all blue... with some pink splotches, but that’s beside the point. It’s totally...” she searched her mind for the right word, “unisex!” Seeing how he didn’t look convinced, she continued in a sad voice, “Honey, don’t you want me to smell nice?”

“Happen to like the way you smell right now, don’t need any of that.” He pulled her down on his lap and nuzzled her neck.

“Aww, that’s so sweet. Kinda gross when you think about it, but still very sweet.” Buffy smiled, happily slipping her arms around Spike’s neck and leaning into his embrace. She closed her eyes as he started tracing soft kisses down her collarbone, allowing herself to relax completely in his arms, which turned out to be a mistake.

As he removed his right hand from the edge of the bathtub and wrapped his arms around Buffy, Spike suddenly felt himself slipping and – unable to steady himself in time – let out a yelp of surprise as he managed to cause both of them to tumble backwards down into the water.

Gasping for air, Buffy struggled to untangle herself from him, the panic evident in her voice when she finally managed to speak. “Oh my God, Spike, are you okay?!” Her hands ran desperately over his body to check for damage.

Spike felt a dull ache at the back of his head and some pain in his ribs, but it didn’t stop him from seeing the hilarity in the situation. He only wished he could have seen Buffy’s face when she hit the water. The thought alone was priceless and he couldn’t keep from howling with laughter.

At first Buffy just stared at him like he had grown a second head, then, when she finally started to realize that he wasn’t suffering any brain damage from hitting his head against the hard side of the tub, she slapped him furiously on the arm. “It’s not funny, you jerk! You could’ve gotten seriously hurt!” Her words only made him laugh harder, and she scowled at him.

Finally he sobered up, his face turning apologetic. “Sorry, pet. But seriously, think I’d survive twenty-four hours with a hell-beast set on torturing me to death, and then get back to you, only to let an evil bathtub do me in?” She let out a snort, but didn’t comment. He hesitated a little. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He didn’t have to see her face to know that she was sulking.

He reached out blindly to stroke her cheek. “Don’t be like that, luv. We were supposed to end up in here anyway, yeah?” She couldn’t deny that.

“You still have your jeans on,” Buffy pointed out, still a little upset at him for not taking her concern about his wellbeing more seriously.

Spike grimaced. “Yeah. They’ll be a bitch to get off now.” He curled his tongue behind his teeth as an idea occurred to him. “Wouldn’t back down from a challenge, would you pet?”

Buffy watched him in astonishment. “How come you’re in such a good mood all of the sudden?” When he frowned, she hurried to add, “Not that I’m complaining or anything. It’s nice to see you happy. Even when it’s on my expense.”

The tone of her voice told him that she was not really mad anymore. Spike took the opportunity to pull her back into his arms. “Got you all wet, did I?”

“You did.” She couldn’t help but giggle. “What are you going to do about it?”

Shrugging, he let his tongue run gently over the bite marks at her neck before catching her lips with his, pleased when she immediately responded to the kiss. Finally he pulled back a little, mumbling, “Have a few ideas...”


TBC

”There’s not enough room in here for this,” Buffy mumbled softly, although she didn’t protest when Spike let his hand wander down her body to tenderly caress the inside of her thigh. Instead she just let out a soft moan.

“It is for what I have in mind,” he whispered into her ear as he starting rubbing her clit. Buffy’s arms went around his neck and she pressed herself against him. That was all the encouragement he needed to go on, so he let one finger slip inside her, followed by a second. It would have been easier using his left hand, but since it still wasn’t fully healed, the right one would just have to do.

Buffy whimpered, her fingernails digging deep into his shoulders. “Oh God...” She raised her hips to give him better access, or maybe just in an attempt to get even closer to him. He kissed her softly while his fingers never stopped pumping inside her. It wasn’t long before she came with a gasp, holding on to him tightly as she buried her face in his chest to muffle a scream.

Although he was pleased with her reaction, a part of him wished he could have made it last longer, enjoying Buffy’s pleasure almost as much as his own. “Liked that, eh?” he murmured before finally pulling his fingers out of her and into his mouth, eager to taste her, only to grimace when he realized the water had already washed away every trace of her.

Having pulled back a little, Buffy saw his reaction and pouted. “You don’t like the way I taste?”

Spike was shocked that she would think such a thing. He was tempted to go down on her and show her just how much he enjoyed the taste of her, and probably would have, had they been anywhere else. But he hadn’t exaggerated his dislike for the poncy bath oil, knowing that – while the fruity stuff surely smelled nice enough on Buffy – he didn’t fancy swallowing it down.

“Love the way you taste, sweetheart,” he assured her and hugged her close. He leaned in to nibble on her earlobe and took the opportunity to inhale the sweet scent of her wet hair. “Taste like heaven, you do, ‘s just the bloody bath oil making me dizzy.”

She giggled at that, and the sound was like music to his ears. “Poor baby. Well, since I made you put up with my girly bath oil, I guess I’ll just have to find a way to make it up to you.”

“That right?” Spike silently cursed himself for not quite being able to hide the excitement in his voice. “Let’s hear it then, pet, ‘m open for suggestions.”

“I bet you are,” she said with a smile, and Spike gasped in surprise as her hand slid down his chest, not stopping until she reached his balls, and gave them a soft squeeze. A grin spread on his face when Buffy started peppering his chest with feather light kisses. “Your turn,” she purred.

Not about to object when she put it like that, Spike merely nodded in response, instinctively closing his eyes as she started stroking his hardening erection. Just like before, he could smell how badly she wanted him, only this time he wasn’t going to let his insecurities get in the way.

Reluctantly releasing him, Buffy reached for the soap and the washcloth she kept hanging on a hook over the bathtub, pulled both objects down into the water, and started working up a large amount of lather. Thinking for a moment, she then dropped the washcloth and instead let her soapy hands first run over Spike’s chest and then his back, tenderly washing away every last trace of dried blood on his skin.

With his eyes still closed, Spike lifted her up and onto his lap without hesitating, and easily slid into her. Leaning back against the edge of the bathtub, he felt how Buffy put her hands on his shoulders to support herself as he started thrusting inside her.

“Love you,” he gasped. Buffy pressed her body against his as she mimicked his movements, and he could feel her heart beating in her chest. Her hand came up to play softly with his hair for a moment, before gently pulling his head down towards her neck. Immediately realizing what she wanted, he slipped into his demon face, brushed his lips briefly against her exposed throat, and let his teeth sink into her.

“Oh God!” she cried out, clinging to him almost desperately, and Spike could feel her ragged breaths against his cheek as he drank from her, slowly, wanting to savour the moment. She was trembling in his arms, which only made him thrust faster, although his lips never broke contact with her neck.

Buffy almost sobbed when she felt Spike’s body jerk underneath her and pulled him even closer, her fingers entangled in his hair. He was breathing in synchronization with her, most likely without realizing it. As she came for the second time, with his teeth still buried in her neck, the only sound that escaped her was a soft whimper of satisfaction.

Barely aware of Spike pulling out his fangs and saving a single drop of blood from trickling down her neck with his tongue, she collapsed against him with a contended sigh. For a moment they just lay there, panting, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

Finally Buffy reluctantly pulled back, shivering a little as she climbed off his lap and felt his now soft cock slide out of her. “Cold,” she mumbled in explanation, sounding apologetic.

“Is it?” Spike let out a soft chuckle. “Didn’t notice.”

“You wouldn’t.” Buffy smiled and started climbing out of the bathtub, reaching for a large towel. “How about we make ourselves a bit more comfortable?”

Spike leaned back against the tub with his arms folded behind his head, a teasing note in his voice. “Dunno, luv. Pretty comfortable right here. Course, if you’re suggesting we move over to the bed...”

“Maybe.” She just couldn’t stop smiling. It was strange; she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so completely relaxed. However, as much as she wished she and Spike could just stay here in this nice, safe little bubble forever, she knew it was just a matter of time before the world would come crashing back down again.

The thought made her snap out of it and she forced back a sigh. “Look, I’ll just get dressed, and then I’ll go downstairs and get the clothes Angel left for you. Will you be okay here by yourself?”

“Sure.” Reluctantly accepting that their special moment was over for now, Spike let out a snort. “I’ll try not to drown in the tub while you’re gone.”

“Vampires can’t drown,” Buffy stated with a hint of amusement in her voice as she hurriedly slipped into her sweat pants. She pulled a face as she picked up her torn tank top, regarded it sadly for a moment before she shrugged and let it drop back down. Then she spotted Spike’s soaked jeans on the floor. “Want me to put your pants in the washer?”

“Don’t bother. They’re ruined anyway.” Spike tilted his head back as far as he could, wrinkling his nose in distaste as he tried to rinse his hair in the water.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Fine. You’ve made your point. The bath oil goes. Happy?”

He smirked. “Very.”

When she returned with his clothes, Spike finally stepped out of the bathtub and dried himself off with the towel Buffy had left within his reach. Before she left, she had emptied the tub and handed him the shower head and a bottle of shampoo, and he had spent the last five minutes trying to wash the dried cakes of blood out of his hair.

The slayer blood was really working wonders in his system. Spike was pleased to find that he was able to leave the bathroom and walk back to the bed by himself, although Buffy insisted on giving him directions so he wouldn’t bump into something, which was probably for the best. The condition of his eyes had not changed, but he decided not to dwell on it.

Suddenly Buffy’s cellphone rang, and he heard her let out a deep sigh. “What?”

“Angel,” she muttered in explanation and flicked the phone open. “Yeah? Hi, Angel. Sure, everything’s fine.” She listened for a moment. “I don’t know, I’m kind of in the middle of... Excuse me? I see. And you want me to do... what, exactly?”

Spike listened to Buffy’s part of the conversation as she kept talking for almost a minute before hanging up with a huff. He raised a brow as she threw the phone away from her with a frustrated groan. “Problem?”

“Isn’t there always?” Buffy slumped down on the couch. “Angel claims he needs me at the office. Apparently the meeting’s not going well, so he got the brilliant idea that having the Slayer in the room might keep the Gracca demons from getting out of control and tearing the place up.” She snorted. “Can you believe it? He wants me to just sit there and glare at them, like I’m some kind of scarecrow!”

As Spike snickered, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a sour look. “It’s not funny.” He just shrugged and tried to stay serious, clearly not agreeing with her.

“You’re leaving, then?” he asked after a moment, trying to sound nonchalant.

She bit her lip before standing up again and made her way over to him. “I guess. Just for a little while, though. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Will you-”

“I’ll be fine,” he interrupted her, a firm note in his voice. “Need to get some rest, anyway.”

“Okay.” Buffy leaned in and gave him a soft peck on the lips. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, pet.” He reached out to stroke her cheek.

Buffy squeezed his hand before reluctantly heading for the door. “I’ll hurry back,” she promised. Then she opened the door, and walked straight into Rowan who had just raised his fist to knock. Her eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?”


TBC

Rowan had been mentally preparing himself to face Buffy again ever since he had sent Fred away, after insisting he could handle this by himself. She had been reluctant to leave him, which Rowan suspected had more to do with the fact that she didn’t fully trust him, and less to do with concern for his wellbeing. If that was the case, he supposed he couldn’t really blame her.

In fact, he was surprised Fred had agreed to let him out of her sight at all. Maybe she was on the phone right now, talking to Angel. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became. He took a deep breath, and finally met Buffy’s suspicious eyes. “I’m not here to cause any trouble. I just need to talk to Spike for a moment. It’s important.”

“Why?” She immediately demanded, refusing to step out of the way and let him past. Rowan held back a sigh. It wasn’t like he had expected Buffy to welcome him back with open arms, and he figured he should just be grateful that she hadn’t punched him in the face again, the moment she had spotted him. The problem was, he didn’t think he had much time.

“Just let me in, and I’ll explain everything. Please?” Rowan tried to keep the impatience out of his voice. He was fully prepared to grovel, but he worried that another attack of nauseating pain would knock him out before he got the chance to speak. It had been quiet for a while now, and he feared the worst had yet to come.

“Let him in, pet.”

Buffy glanced over her shoulder as Spike spoke from inside the room and Rowan found himself holding his breath. Then she turned back to him and watched him with hesitation, obviously unsure of what to do. Finally she rolled her eyes and took a step back. “Fine. You can come in. Just remember, I won’t hesitate to kick your ass if I have to.”

“Yeah, I’ll remember that,” Rowan mumbled as he entered the room. Closing the door behind him, Buffy pulled out her cellphone from her pocket, and his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Who are you calling?”

“Angel asked me to come down to the office. I’m calling him to let him know I won’t be there,” she told him, her voice cold. Rowan nodded in acceptance. Chances were that Angel was already on his way back to the hotel, anyway.

“You should go, luv. I can handle this.”

Buffy stared at Spike in disbelief. “If you think for one second that I’m leaving you alone with him-“

“Buffy.” Spike interrupted her, calmly. “Really, ‘s okay, pet. Go help Angel. I wanna hear what Rowan has to say.”

Rowan saw how she opened her mouth to object, then closed it again, clearly torn. He could understand, all too well, how she was feeling. It was obvious how she wanted to respect Spike’s wishes, but at the same time, she didn’t feel comfortable leaving him now.

He was about to say something, assure her that he was no threat to Spike in any way, but decided to keep his mouth shut and let her come to that conclusion by herself. So he remained quiet, watching Buffy’s pained expression as she silently considered her options.

Finally she nodded. “All right, it’s your decision.” Then she turned to Rowan, a warning note in her voice, “Just because he can’t see doesn’t mean he can’t hurt you.” With that she walked over to Spike, slid an arm around his waist, and pressed her lips softly against his before striding out of the room. Rowan gulped, suddenly feeling uneasy.

He glanced at Spike, who was sitting on the couch and facing his direction expectantly, and cleared his throat. “You’re looking better.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized that ‘better’ was an understatement. Recalling the vampire’s condition when they had first rescued him from the basement, trashed and beaten almost beyond recognition, Rowan couldn’t help but stare in astonishment.

“That why you’re here? To compliment my appearance?”

Rowan sighed, taking the hint – Spike wasn’t interested in making small talk. He shook his head before remembering that the vampire couldn’t see him. “No. I was just trying to be polite.” Spike snorted, but otherwise remained silent. “Look, I don’t know how much you’ve heard. About my past. Anyone fill you in on...” he swallowed, “how it all started?”

“How what all started?” Spike asked in a flat voice, and Rowan found himself looking straight into Spike’s unseeing eyes, unable to look away. A memory that wasn’t his own flashed through his mind, and he suddenly recalled the terror he had felt in his vision when Morou had splashed the holy water at his face.

“How I got myself into this mess.” Rowan wrung his hands, wondering if Spike would even want to hear him out. “It’s a long story, actually, and it’s not pretty. I’ll tell you everything, if you wanna hear it. But first, there’s something I need to ask you.” Spike remained silent, so he went on, “The beast, down in the basement... Morou. I need to know how to kill him.”

“You’re asking me?” Spike let out a bitter laugh. “If I knew that, don’t you think I’d offed the bastard instead of letting him use me as his own personal punching bag?”

“Actually, I’m the only one who can take him out, apparently.” Rowan rolled his eyes. “Again, long story. Turns out the Senior Partners are involved. Morou’s their way of eliminating the demons they wanna get rid of. Using me as a servant...” He cringed. “Since he obviously can’t go out and get his victims by himself. No idea why.”

Seeing Spike open his mouth, Rowan hurried on, “I fooled myself into thinking I was doing the right thing, that the demons I chose were evil and only got what they deserved. Now I realize I never had any say in the matter. The Senior Partners were the ones who picked out the demons, not me.”

“Isn’t that bloody convenient?” Spike muttered, sarcastically. “What are you saying? That you’re an innocent victim in all this?”

Rowan started pacing the room, searching for the right words to explain. “After everything that’s happened, I hardly feel like I have the right to call myself innocent. I may have merely acted as a fucking puppet for the Senior Partners, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m partly responsible. Still, I don’t think I ever really had a choice.”

Spike was quiet for a moment, allowing Rowan’s words to sink in. “So what? Now you’ve suddenly decided you’ve had enough?”

Rowan shook his head. “I’ve wanted out of this for a long time now. I just didn’t know how.” He lowered his eyes. “I know I should’ve told someone, but the truth is, I was ashamed of my part in the whole thing. I let it go too far, and I didn’t realize I had no control of the situation until it was already too late. I’m sorry you had to get involved, I wish you’d never gone to my house that day.”

“Makes two of us, then.” Spike hesitated a little. “Look, Rowan, I get that you’re sorry, and I know what it’s like to feel remorse for things you’ve done when you haven’t really been in control. So if you want my sympathy-“

“I don’t.” Rowan quickly cut him off. “I just hope that, someday, you’ll be able to forgive me.”

The vampire nodded, slowly. “Right. Maybe someday.”

Letting out the breath he had been holding, suddenly feeling almost relieved, Rowan nodded as well. “Okay. Look, I won’t bother you much longer, but I need to know if you remember something, anything, that might help me destroy Morou. I know he must have some weakness, and I hope he might’ve let it slip out.”

Spike shook his head. “Dunno. Sorry.”

The blond man closed his eyes for a moment, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. “Are you absolutely sure? Please, Spike, I need you to think really hard.” When Spike merely shrugged, helplessly, Rowan let out a defeated sigh. “All right. It was a long shot.”

He was just about to leave the room when the pain hit him, causing him to drop to his knees. “Oh God!”

“Rowan?” Spike sat up straight on the couch. “What’s wrong?”

“My head,” Rowan groaned. “Morou’s calling for me again, and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants. Fuck, it hurts!” He clenched his teeth, struggling to keep the panic away. “I can’t go back there yet, not until I’ve figured out a way to kill him.”

“You can hear him?” Spike asked, skeptically.

Rowan took a couple of shaky breaths. “Not exactly. It’s more like a feeling. He gets into my head, it doesn’t matter how far away I am. It’s horrible, feels like my fucking brain’s on fire, like I’m burning up from the inside. And it just won’t stop.”

Spike froze as Rowan’s words made something click at the back of his mind, only he couldn’t quite grasp it. Frustration welled up inside him, because he got the feeling that whatever it was, it was very important. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “What did you just say?”

“It won’t stop.” Rowan pressed his fingers against his temples, breathing hard. He sounded beyond tired all of the sudden.

“No, not that. Something about...” Spike let out a frustrated growl. “Bloody hell! I know this. Why can’t I remember?”

Running his trembling fingers absently through his hair, Rowan tried to recall what he could possibly have said that had triggered the vampire’s memory. “Um, pain? Morou getting into my head?” A humorless laugh escaped him. “Burning up from inside?”


”Talk! What does it take to kill a vampire?”

Spike glared at him, wanting nothing more than to tear the demon apart with his bare hands. “Stake through the heart. Direct sunlight. Decapitation.”

“Ah, yes.” Morou nodded in agreement. “And let’s not forget...


“That’s it,” Spike mumbled, hearing the sadistic demon’s voice in his head, just as clear had he been back in the basement, and he couldn’t help but shudder. “Fire.”


TBC

”Oh, good, you’re back. Angel, I...” Lorne, who had been waiting patiently outside the office, stopped when he noticed the vampire’s troubled expression. “What’s wrong?”

“There was a small... incident at the meeting,” Angel explained with a grimace, casting a look over his shoulder before he pushed the door open and stepped inside, Lorne followed.

“What kind of incident?” the green demon asked. Angel was just about to respond when Buffy stormed into the room, covered from head to toe in some blue sticky substance. Lorne’s red eyes widened. “What in the world happened to you, cupcake?”

Buffy was fuming. Ignoring Lorne’s question, she stalked over to Angel. “Just so we’re clear, I’m never doing you any favors again.” She furiously wiped at her face, letting out a sound of disgust.

“Um...” Angel awkwardly pointed towards the floor. “You’re dripping on the carpet...” His voice trailed off when Buffy’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Then she strode over to the desk and pointedly sat down in the expensive office chair, looking him straight into the eyes as she wiped her hands on the leather. “Dammit, Buffy!” he cried out in exasperation.

“Oh, just shut up, Angel!” Buffy glared at him. “I’m the one who’s all covered in demon goo. It’s gross, smelly, and for your information, it burns! So forgive me for not giving a damn about your stupid carpet!”

Lorne waved his hands in the air to get their attention. “Excuse me? Hello? Would someone please take pity on the poor, confused demon over here and fill him in on what just happened?”

“I was attacked, that’s what happened!” Buffy jumped up from the chair. “I’m telling you, Angel, I don’t care if you’ve made a treaty with those Gracca demons. As far as I’m concerned, they’re evil little monsters who should be taken out slowly and painfully.”

“Actually,” Angel glanced at Lorne, “it was really just a misunderstanding. The demons thought Buffy was threatening them, so they got a little... defensive.”

“But I wasn’t threatening anyone!” Buffy exclaimed, daring Angel to object. “Talk about jumping to conclusions. I just happened to sneeze!”

Angel nodded. “That’s the Gracca’s way of attacking their enemies. To them sneezing is a hostile act.”

Lorne’s eyebrows went up. “So, that blue stuff is...?”

“Gracca mucus,” Angel finished with a nod.

“Oh.” The green demon made a face. “Sorry, honey, but that’s disgusting.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Lorne. I don’t suppose one of you happens to have a towel or something lying around?”

“If you want, you can use the shower down in the lab,” Angel offered.

“If I want? Gee, let me think about it... No, I prefer to walk around smelling like this. But thanks for asking.” The slayer scowled at him.

Angel let out a nervous laugh. “I take it from the sarcasm that you’re still a little upset.”

Buffy opened her mouth, but Lorne beat her to it. “Maybe a Sea Breeze...” he pondered out loud.

“I think she’d rather have a shower than a drink right now, Lorne,” Angel mumbled.

“What?” Lorne gave him a puzzled look before the vampire’s words registered. “Oh, no, I meant for me. That smell is overwhelming.”

“Okay!” Angel could see how Buffy’s eyes darkened and hurried to change the subject. “Did you want something, Lorne?”

The demon slapped his forehead and gave Angel an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, it completely slipped my mind with all the drama. Fred called when you were at the meeting. She said to tell you that Rowan left his room and went to talk to Spike.”

Angel stared at him in disbelief. “And you waited until now to tell me this, because...?”

“I told you; it slipped my mind.” Lorne got a somewhat defensive note in his voice. Then he cast a look at Buffy. “Okay, sweetheart, before you freak out, remember that Rowan sang to me the other day. He’s clean. I’m sure he just wants to apologize.”

Buffy sighed. “Actually, I already knew about this. Rowan showed up at my doorstep just before I left. I wanted to stay, but Spike told me it was okay. He wanted to hear what Rowan had to say.”

“Really?” Angel was quiet for a moment. “Buffy, are you sure that was a good idea? I mean, Rowan locked himself up in his room for a reason – so he wouldn’t be able to go back to the house.”

Looking slightly alarmed, Buffy walked up to Angel and held out her hand expectantly. “Give me your phone, please.” The vampire frowned, but reached into his pocket and pulled out a cellphone, which she practically ripped out of his hand, quickly dialing a number. As the signals went through, she started to become more and more agitated.

Finally there was a clicking sound at the other end, and she let out a relieved sigh when she heard Spike’s voice. “Spike, are you okay? What took you so long?” She listened for a moment. “Oh. Sorry, I thought I left the phone by the bed. Is Rowan still around?”

Waiting impatiently for Buffy to finish talking to Spike, Angel walked over to the desk and absently started looking through a pile of papers, not wanting it to seem like he was listening in on her conversation. However, the moment she hung up and held out the phone towards him, he dropped the papers and gave her a questioning look. “Well?” he demanded.

“Spike said Rowan left about ten minutes ago,” Buffy explained, seeing how the vampire’s expression darkened. She bit her lip. “Apparently he had another seizure, but he was okay when he left.”

“He left?” Angel echoed, his face a mixture of concern and irritation. “Where did he go?”

Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know. Look, I’m still in a desperate need of a shower, and I really want to get back to Spike. If you’re so worried about Rowan, just give him a call. I’m sure he’s still at the hotel. I mean, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to go back to the house by himself. Right?”

Angel let out a sigh. “Seeing how confronting Morou before we’ve figured out a way to keep him out of Rowan’s head would be suicide, I hope for his sake that you’re right.”


~ ~ ~


Rowan held his breath as he hurried down the stairs towards the basement, coming to a halt outside the stone door. Thankfully, the pain had yet to return, but he still felt ill at ease about being back. When the door slid open without warning, he almost stumbled into the room.

Suddenly fearing that he would end up trapped like Spike, Rowan instinctively stopped in the doorway, thinking quickly. After a brief moment’s hesitation, he put down the large bag he was carrying, and placed it across the threshold against the door frame to keep the door from closing behind him. Then he finally stepped inside.

Although he had expected to find the room empty as usual, he was still relieved that his assumption had been correct. Then again, seeing how the door had opened, he didn’t doubt that Morou was somewhere close by. Rowan could feel the demon’s presence, and suddenly found himself wondering if maybe he had made a huge mistake by not telling anyone what he was planning.

Knowing that he had to act quickly, Rowan reached into the bag – which contained two different objects – and pulled out the half full can of gasoline he used to keep in the garage. Carefully removing the lid so he wouldn’t get any of the flammable liquid on his hands, he then reached for the other object – a box of matches.

So far, everything was going according to his plan. Of course, he knew deep down that his decision to come here by himself may have been both rash and reckless, but he wouldn’t allow himself to back out now. He just wanted it all to be over. Preferably without getting himself killed in the process.

While Morou clearly possessed the ability to get inside Rowan’s head and cause a great amount of pain whenever he wanted some attention, he had shown no signs of being able to read thoughts. With any luck, the demon wouldn’t know what hit him until it was already too late.

Rowan cast a look over his shoulder, knowing Morou had a tendency to appear behind him when he least expected it. But the beast was nowhere to be seen, and for a moment, Rowan didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. A few minutes passed in silence.

Suddenly there was a creaking sound, and Rowan spun around with his heart beating wildly in his chest. His eyes widened as he saw the heavy door closing by itself, as if being pushed – or pulled – by an invisible hand. Holding his breath, he watched in relief how the bag kept the door from shutting completely. In that moment, he knew he was no longer alone in the room.

“Showtime...” he mumbled to himself, his fingers closing tightly around the gas can.


TBC

On his way back to the house, Rowan had been going through the plan over and over again in his head. Although a part of him dreaded the idea of having to go back and face Morou, he couldn’t help but start feeling strangely excited. Because one way or the other, it would all be over soon.

Rowan wasn’t stupid, nor was he suicidal. He didn’t have a death wish. And the seriousness of the situation wasn’t lost on him; he knew that he would have one chance, and one chance only. Should he fail, should Spike turn out to be wrong about how to destroy Morou, he would most likely not be walking away from this.

Suddenly his cellphone buzzed in his pocket, causing him to jump. Silently cursing himself for not remembering to turn the damn thing off, Rowan did his best to block the annoying sound out. Whoever was calling him couldn’t possibly have chosen a worse time. The last thing he needed right now was to be distracted.

“Are you not going to answer that?” Morou asked behind him. “It could be important.”

Determined not to show any sign of being taken off guard, Rowan forced himself to turn around slowly. “There you are. Was starting to think you wouldn’t show up.” He was pleased to find that his voice wasn’t trembling at all.

The demon ignored his comment. “Morou needs a new toy. The last one was taken away.”

“I know.” Rowan raised his head to meet Morou’s dark eyes. “Listen up. I won’t be bringing you any more demons to play with. It’s over. I’m done.”

For a moment, the beast just stared at him. Rowan wasn’t sure of what kind of reaction he had expected, but he was surprised when Morou’s thin lips curled into an eerie smile. To tell the truth, he would’ve almost preferred an outburst of some kind. That smile just made his skin crawl.

“You fool.” Morou’s eyes flashed into red. “It is not up to you to decide. Morou owns you. You have no choice.” As if to prove his point, the evil creature raised a hand, and in the next moment, the pain almost made Rowan drop to his knees. But somehow, he found the strength to remain standing, clenching his teeth to keep from crying out.

“That all you got?” he hissed, suddenly furious. For the first time, he didn’t see an intimidating and powerful being in front of him, instead there was just a pathetic bully who was desperate to get what he wanted. In that moment, Rowan didn’t feel any fear. So he took a step forward. “You don’t scare me anymore, you bastard. Guess what? I’m gonna make sure you can’t hurt anyone ever again.”

Taking another step towards Morou, Rowan raised the gas can without hesitation and splashed the flammable liquid right into the demon’s face. The gasoline was dripping down his body onto the floor, creating a small puddle by his feet. Without even thinking, Rowan tossed the empty can away and reached for the matches.


~ ~ ~


“You’re not listening, Spike. I’m not suggesting you should’ve run after him, or even tried to talk him out of it. I’m just saying you should have called me the minute he left,” Angel grumbled into the phone as he hurried through the lobby.

Spike resisted the urge to bang the small cellphone against the table a couple of times, suspecting that Buffy wouldn’t appreciate him destroying it. “Might have, you stupid git, if I could see the bleeding numbers!”

Angel opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Right,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling stupid. However, he quickly recovered. “Look, Rowan’s obviously in way over his head. He can’t possibly defeat this creature just like that.”

“Maybe not. But there’s nothing you can do about it.” Spike was tapping his fingers impatiently against his leg, itching to get up and start pacing the room. The only thing stopping him was the humiliating idea of him running straight into the wall. After spending the last couple of days in bed, he was starting to get more than a little restless. “It’s not your fight, Angel. Just let it go.”

“I can’t do that.” Angel sighed. “He may have screwed up, but Rowan’s still our friend. I can’t just sit here and let him get himself killed. I know how you feel about him, and I realize you probably don’t agree, but-”

“How I feel ‘bout Rowan ’s got nothing to do with this.” Spike rolled his eyes. “Believe it or not, I don’t hate him. The point is, he has to do this by himself. You can’t help him.”

Angel knew that Spike was right, although he didn’t like it. “I’m not talking about fighting his battle. But it doesn’t feel right to just stay here and do nothing while Rowan’s over there all alone.”

Spike was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I know.”


~ ~ ~


While Rowan fumbled desperately with the matches, Morou let out a furious hissing sound and lashed out, knocking the small matchbox out of his hand. Rowan could do little more than watch in horror as the demon crushed it under his feet, and he was hit by the painful realization that he had been far too optimistic.

Okay, now is time for plan B, Rowan told himself sarcastically as he fought back the panic, knowing perfectly well that no such thing existed. Having been so certain that he would be able to pull it off, he hadn’t bothered to come up with a back-up plan. What had he been thinking, bringing a single box of matches? He should have brought a fucking flamethrower.

“Did you really believe it would be that easy?” Morou now asked, his voice low. “You are nothing but a weak, pitiful human. Morou was around long before you were born, and will still walk the earth after you are gone.”

Rowan opened his mouth to object, then stopped himself, realizing with a sinking feeling that he didn’t have a witty response. Nothing he could come up with would change the fact that he most likely had mere seconds left to live. Because there was no way in hell that Morou would spare him now.

Still, Rowan refused to simply lay down and wait for the inevitable. Over the last couple of hours, he had been building up a fury inside him that he had never felt before. Fury towards this creature in front of him, as towards the Senior Partners. None of them had the right to play with his life like this.

Although he supposed he should be afraid by now, he couldn’t find it in him to care. Any fear he might have felt had quickly conceded to burning rage. Rowan wanted to hurt this monster, make him pay for all the pain he had inflicted merely for his own amusement. He wanted to avenge Spike, not to mention all those poor defenseless demons who were no longer around. He wanted to make things right.

“Just because you can kill me doesn’t mean you’ve won.” Rowan found himself standing in front of Morou, their faces mere inches apart. “For one thing, you’ll be lacking a servant. No more ‘toys’ for you. And I’ll finally be free.”

“There will be others,” Morou stated calmly. “And how much freedom do you believe you will have in Hell?”

“Hell?” Rowan echoed, his face fell. “What the fuck are you talking about? Why would I be going to-”

He was cut off as a cruel laugh escaped the beast. “Did you expect the devil’s servant to end up in Heaven?” Rowan just stared at him, suddenly feeling very small. “Enough talking,” Morou declared. It all happened so fast, Rowan didn’t even get the chance to react before he was thrown across the room. The air was knocked out of him as he crashed right into the brick wall, and everything went black.


~ ~ ~


“Finally!” Spike exclaimed, sitting up straight as the door opened and he immediately recognized Buffy’s scent. “Was starting to think you’d never come back. Buffy, I really need-“

“Spike? What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Buffy interrupted him, the concern evident in her voice as she rushed over to him.

He held up his hand to stop her ramblings. “Relax, luv, ‘m fine. Just in a desperate need for a smoke and I can’t find my bleeding fags. You seen my coat?”

Buffy let out a sigh of relief before glaring at him in disapproval. “God, Spike, don’t scare me like that! Jeez! I threw your coat in the washer...” Seeing how he opened his mouth, she hurried on, “after making sure the pockets were empty. No cigarettes. Sorry. You must have dropped them.”

“Bloody brilliant,” he grumbled, slumping back against the couch.

“Aw, poor baby...” Sitting down next to him, Buffy had to smile at his miserable expression. “I’d offer you some nice Slayer blood instead, but I guess that’s a poor substitute for your beloved nicotine,” she teased, patting his hand.

Spike snorted. “Don’t patronize me.” Then her words registered, and he cleared his throat. “Course, if you’re offering...”

She giggled as she climbed onto his lap and tossed her hair over her shoulder, pleased with not having to coax him into biting her for once. “You know it, baby. I’m all yours.”


TBC

"We don’t know for sure he went back home.” Buffy sounded more confident than she really was.

“Where else would he go?” Spike shrugged.

She bit her lip. “You think I should go over there?”

“And do what, exactly? Just stand there and cheer Rowan on?” Spike was quiet for a moment. “Seriously, pet. Don’t want you anywhere near that bloody basement.”

Buffy sighed. “Spike, I can take care of myself. Slayer, remember?” He mumbled something she couldn’t quite make out. “What?”

He raised his head. “Said you’re also my girl. Don’t want you to get hurt.”

Her face softened. “I know. Look, I see your point. But I just feel like I should be doing something. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still upset with Rowan. If he’d just been honest with us from the beginning, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Still, a part of me can’t help but feel bad for him.”

“I get it, luv, believe me. Feel a bit bad for the bloke myself. But...” Spike’s voice trailed off and he sat straight up with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy gave him an alarmed look, immediately pushing all thoughts about Rowan to the back of her mind.

Spike didn’t answer at first. Instead he tensed up, appearing to be lost in deep concentration. Then he blinked a couple of times before letting out a frustrated sigh. “Nothing.”

His sudden mood swing told her otherwise, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Spike?”

“Said it’s nothing.” His irritation was obvious as he slumped back against the cushion. For a brief moment, he thought he had been able to make out a blur of colors, but it was gone so fast that he decided it had to be his mind playing tricks on him. To his great frustration and disappointment, the world was still black.

Buffy watched him doubtfully, not really buying his insignificance, but reluctantly accepted that he wasn’t going to elaborate. Spike could be every bit as stubborn as her when he had his mind set on it, and she had yet to decide if that was a good thing or not. “Okay. Forget I asked.”

“Have you tried calling Rowan?” Spike asked after a moment’s silence, clearly wanting to change the subject.

She shook her head. “Angel said he would, so I didn’t see any point.” Hesitating for a moment, she then picked up the phone. Quickly dialing Rowan’s number, she waited as the signals went through. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Buffy rolled her eyes. “Here, take this. See if he’ll pick up.”

Shoving the cellphone towards Spike’s face, Buffy started to get up, only to stop dead in her tracks when he instinctively flinched back. The phone dropped to the floor and her eyes widened. Spike had become completely still. “Buffy? Did you...? What did you just do?”

“I...” The unknown visitor at the door completely forgotten, Buffy stared at Spike in astonishment. She slowly raised her hand and waved it hesitantly in front of his eyes. “Can you see me?” The knocking started again, but she ignored it.

Spike’s eyes narrowed, as if trying to focus, and he blinked again. He couldn’t recognize any details, but he was clearly aware of something moving in front of him. “Not exactly. Just...” He hesitated. “Think maybe I’m starting to.”

“Oh my God! Really?” Buffy let out a squeal and threw her arms around him. Then she pulled back, her eyes desperately searching his. “Can you see me now?” She was unable to keep the eagerness and excitement out of her voice.

Frowning, Spike reached out a hand towards her face, smiling as he immediately managed to cup her cheek without poking her eye out. “There you are, luv.” Things were still too blurry for him to be sure of what he was seeing, but the colorful splotches were definitely an improvement to the total darkness he had been surrounded by for the last couple of days.

Buffy was practically bouncing up and down. “Spike, this is amazing! I’m sure it’ll just be a matter of time before your sight is back.” A thought occurred to her and her smile widened. “Hey, I know! Take some more of my blood and we’ll see what happens.”

“Are you daft?!” Spike let out a snort of exasperation. “Forget it! I bloody bit you less than ten minutes ago. Not gonna bleed you dry as a sodding experiment, and that’s end of discussion.”

She pouted, but didn’t push the matter any further. Deep down, she realized she couldn’t let Spike keep feeding from her as frequently as he had been lately. Not that she didn’t enjoy it, most likely almost as much as he did, but it wouldn’t do to let him get too addicted to human blood.

Not to mention the fact that she was starting to enjoy the rush she felt when he was biting her a little too much. From now on, she decided, it would probably be for the best to save those moments for rare occasions. Suddenly she found herself wondering how Spike would react, should she ask him to bite her every once in a while without drawing blood. Maybe in bed...

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of Angel’s voice from the other side of the door. “Buffy? Spike? I know you guys are in there. Open up!”

“Oh, bloody hell! Now what?” Spike growled.

“Okay, that’s it. We’re so leaving town when all this is over,” Buffy exclaimed, annoyed as well. She headed for the door, leaving Spike to wonder whether she was serious, or if it was just a figure of speak. He could think of nothing he would like more than him and Buffy leaving LA to start over someplace else, preferably as far away as possible.

As Buffy opened the door and reluctantly took a step back to allow Angel to enter, Spike stood up and greeted the other vampire with a mock salute. Angel ignored him and stepped further into the room. “I can’t get hold of Rowan. I have a bad feeling about this.”

Buffy threw an alarmed look in Spike’s direction. He just shrugged. She turned back to Angel with a sigh. “So, what do you suggest we’d do?”


~ ~ ~


The first thing Rowan became aware of when he started coming to was the merciless pounding in his head. Then he found that he was lying on his side on the cold stone floor, and let out a groan of pain. Struggling to sit up, he found that he was unable to move his body from the waist and down, and his eyes widened in panic.

Having no idea how long he had been out, he looked around the room wildly, trying to comprehend what was going on. He recalled crashing into the wall and immediately realized he must have hit his back really hard, silently praying it wasn’t broken, that he was merely temporarily paralyzed. Because he would rather be dead than having to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

Wait a minute. He should be dead by now. So why wasn’t he? Why hadn’t Morou just killed him while he was unconscious? Rowan felt like his head was spinning. It just didn’t make any sense. The beast had said so himself; there would be other servants. Morou had no use for him anymore, so there was really no reason to keep him alive. Right?

“Good, you are awake,” Morou stated from the other side of the room, slowly making his way over. He stopped just a few feet away, watching Rowan with interest.

“Just fucking kill me already,” Rowan muttered in defeat. As a cruel grin spread on the demon’s face, he knew he wouldn’t get away that easily. Still, he wouldn’t allow himself to succumb to the fear threatening to well up inside him. He wouldn’t give Morou that satisfaction.

“Don’t worry. You will not leave this room alive. But Morou will not kill you yet.” Morou crouched down next to him.

Rowan felt a lump in his throat as realization was dawning on him, and he knew he shouldn’t be surprised. Of course Morou was going to torture him first. After all, that was what the bastard did. He played with his victims. And by the look of things, Rowan had become the demon’s new toy. The irony of it all wasn’t lost on him.

Glancing towards the entrance, he had to roll his eyes at the sight of the bag, still blocking the door. Morou could have easily removed it, but had obviously not bothered. And why would he? It wasn’t like Rowan would be going anywhere.

Never taking his eyes away from the beast in front of him, Rowan took a deep breath. Since his legs would still not obey him, it was only with great difficulty that he managed to drag himself backwards until his back hit the wall behind him, and was able to remain in a sitting position.

Morou watched his struggling with amusement, showing no sign of attacking. Rowan suspected that the demon – unlike him – had all the time in the world, and didn’t see any reason to rush things. Now he knew exactly how the other demons had felt down here, waiting for their lives to end. He swallowed hard.

That was when he felt it. A small, cold object. Rowan didn’t dare to look at it, in fear that Morou would notice. But that was okay, he didn’t have to. Because he instantly knew what it was. Suddenly, things didn’t seem totally hopeless anymore. Not that he was going to make it out of here alive. That was out of the question. But now, there was a small chance he would be able to take Morou down with him.


TBC

”’M not saying I’m going down there, all right?” Spike crossed his arms firmly over his chest, his face leaving no room for discussion. “But if you two think I’m just gonna stay here and wait for you to get back, you’re seriously mistaken. ‘M going with you.”

“Dammit, Spike, would you stop for two seconds and listen to yourself?” Angel threw his arms up in frustration. “I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation! This is ridiculous, Buffy, please tell him to stop being an idiot and step back into reality.”

Buffy bit her lip, her eyes darting hesitantly between the two vampires. “Angel, I-“

“Ha!” Spike shouted triumphantly, pointing his finger at Angel. “The Slayer agrees with me. Take that, you big-“

“Actually, I don’t.” Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, mentally preparing for the outburst she knew was about to come. It wouldn’t change anything, though. Her mind was made up. “I’m sorry, Spike, but I can’t let you do this.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she realized it had been the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you can’t let me? I know you didn’t just say that.” Spike’s eyes narrowed dangerously. He’d had absolutely no interest in returning to Rowan’s house, until it was clear to him that his sight was finally returning. He didn’t know how to explain it, but it changed everything.

She let out a deep sigh. “Spike, please, be reasonable about this. I almost lost you a few days ago. You barely made it out of that basement alive, and you’re still not fully recovered. Why would you even-”

“You’d hold us back.” Angel ignored the angry look Buffy threw in his direction. “I’m not trying to be cruel, but it’s the truth. You know it as well as I do, Spike. As long as you can’t see where you’re going, you’ll be no help to us, nor to Rowan. In fact-“ He was cut off as Spike’s fist hit him straight in the face, and stumbled back in surprise.

“Okay, Angel? You totally had it coming.” Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to Spike, who was smirking, “Nice hit, honey. You’re still not going.”

Spike’s face fell. He tilted his head to the side. “Watch me.” Then he turned around and deliberately bumped into Angel, almost knocking the dark-haired vampire off his feet, and continued towards the door. “Sorry, Gramps, didn’t see you there!” he called out over his shoulder, sounding anything but apologetic.

“How...?” Angel stared after Spike in disbelief before looking at Buffy, who was shaking her head in irritation. Seeing her obvious distress, he let out a sigh and put his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to him again.”


~ ~ ~


“Tell me about the others. Before me.” Rowan really couldn’t care less, but he figured it might buy him some time. Besides, if he could get Morou to keep talking, it was possible that the demon wouldn’t pay as much attention to what he was doing. After all, it wasn’t like Morou would consider him to be much of a threat at the moment.

Morou leaned in closer. “They were all weak. Just like you. And when their time came, it was always the same. They begged Morou to end their sorry existence.”

“Did you?” Rowan was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that, but couldn’t keep from asking.

The creature smiled, cruelly. “Eventually.”

Rowan gulped, horrifying images of his own painful death flying through his mind. “So, have you always been here? In this house, I mean. Was it just a coincidence that I was,” he hesitated, searching for the right word, “chosen for this? If I hadn’t moved in here-“

“You are nothing. A nobody. How could someone like you afford a house such as this one?” Morou watched him expectantly.

“I...” Rowan frowned. That was a good question. When he thought about it, he realized he couldn’t remember. “I got a good deal?” The uncertainty in his voice was obvious.

Morou leered at him. “Or maybe an offer you simply could not resist.”

The Senior Partners. Of course. The last of the pieces were falling into place. They had set him up from the start; not only lured him into coming to work at Wolfram and Hart, but into this house as well. Rowan’s eyes widened, understanding finally dawning on him. “My power?” he asked, doubtfully.

“Very convenient, don’t you think?” The beast let out a rumbling laugh. “It must have been nice, feeling important for a while. Too bad it was all a lie.”

Rowan shook his head in denial, closing his fingers around the small object beneath his hand. “You’re wrong. So, maybe the Senior Partners did give me the ability to sense things. But I’ve been using that power for the sake of good. I’ve been helping.”

“You have,” Morou agreed, his face mere inches away from Rowan’s. “Surely all your friends appreciate everything you have done for them. By the way, how is the vampire?”

“Who, Spike? Funny you should ask.” Rowan chose that moment to pull out the hand he had kept hidden behind his back, not hesitating as he quickly flicked the zippo lighter on and shoved the flame right in the demon’s face. “He sends you his regards.”


~ ~ ~


Angel cast a look in the rear-view mirror and his eyes immediately fell on the sulking slayer in the back. Buffy had yet to say a word since they left the hotel and she stubbornly kept looking out the window, not bothering to hide the fact that she was still upset.

Then he glanced at Spike, who was sitting next to him in the passenger seat with a grim expression on his face and restlessly tapping his foot, causing his leg to bounce up and down. “So...” Angel lowered his voice as he addressed the other vampire, “Mind explaining to me just what it is you hope to achieve by this, aside from pissing off your girlfriend?”

Spike didn’t answer at first. Instead he brought his left hand up in front of his face, moving it first away from him and then closer again – with deep concentration. He blinked a few times and then moved it again. Finally he let his hand drop back down in his lap. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” Angel turned his attention back to the road. “Because it makes absolutely no sense to me, Spike. You know you can’t fight this guy. Not to mention that the last time you went to Rowan’s house, you nearly ended up dust. Why are you so eager to get back there?”

“Because he’s stupid, that’s why.” Buffy finally spoke up from the backseat, her voice cold. “He knows I worry about him, but since my concern for his well being obviously hurts his bad-ass vampire ego, he’s making sure I’ll pay for it.”

“Hate to disappoint you, luv, but not everything’s about you,” Spike stated in a low voice. “Give me some bloody credit, will you? No, I can’t fight this bleeding fucker. And even though my sight’s getting better, I realize there’s still a good chance I’d end up stumbling over my own feet.”

Buffy sighed. “Then why, Spike? Is it because of Rowan? Because you sure as hell don’t owe him anything.”

Spike let out a snort. “No, ‘s got nothing to do with Rowan. My motives are a bit more selfish than that.”

“Explain it to me, then,” Buffy pleaded as she watched his downcast head. “Why would you ever want to go back to that place?”

The blond vampire was quiet for a moment, keeping his eyes down. Finally he raised his head. “’Cause I wanna watch the bastard burn.”

Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it again. Angel remained silent, clearly having no idea how to respond to that. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Buffy worried her bottom lip between her teeth, knowing she had no right to deny Spike that satisfaction. Had she been in his shoes, she would have felt exactly the same way.

Still, a stubborn little voice at the back of her mind kept whispering that something might go wrong. Not that she would ever suggest it out loud, but there was always the possibility that Rowan would fail, that he wouldn’t be able to defeat Morou. It was after all a kill or to be killed situation, and there was a big chance Rowan would end up with the shortest straw. Then what?

Knowing that she wouldn’t be allowed to lift a finger to help, Buffy felt anger and frustration well up inside her. She was the Slayer. And here was this one evil creature that she couldn’t slay. The problem was, she wanted nothing more than to tear this Morou apart with her bare hands. After all, this was the monster that had hurt Spike, and nobody got away with that if she had anything to say about it.

Angel’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Hate to bring this up, but what if Rowan’s already-“

“Angel, be quiet,” Buffy cut him off, a warning note in her voice.

“Like I’m the only one thinking it,” the dark-haired vampire muttered sulkily to himself.

Buffy rolled her eyes. The rest of the ride went by in an uncomfortable silence. About five minutes later, they could finally see Rowan’s large house tower up before them. They had arrived.


TBC

Carefully pushing the front door open, Buffy cast a brief look over her shoulder before stepping inside, Angel and Spike not far behind. She stopped in the middle of the living room, her eyes immediately landing on the wooden door she knew led down to the basement. It was wide open.

She glanced at the two vampires, her expression turning grim. “Guess this means we’ve found Rowan. He has to be down there.” As she took a hesitant step towards the door, her eyes suddenly widened in alarm. “You guys smell that?”

Spike cocked his head to the side, sniffing the air. “Smoke.”

“Yeah.” Angel nodded in agreement. “That ought to be a good sign. Right?” Despite his words, he didn’t sound totally convinced.

Buffy bit her lip. “Maybe, if Rowan’s already managed to set the evil beast on fire. But if that’s the case, shouldn’t he be back up here by now? Unless-”

“Unless he’s trapped,” Spike finished. He had been quiet since they left the car, although he had followed Buffy and Angel into the house without hesitation. However, he remained by the front door, clearly reluctant to move further inside.

Feeling sympathy well up inside her at his obvious discomfort, Buffy was about to suggest he’d go back and wait in the car. Then she decided against it, knowing perfectly well that he would refuse. Instead she walked over to him, gently putting her hand on his arm. He gave her a strained smile, and she could feel the tension roll off him in waves.

Suddenly there was a rumbling sound coming from beneath them, and the floor started vibrating. Angel went over to the staircase, stopped in the doorway and put his hand on the door frame. He frowned when he felt a pulsating sensation under his palm, as if the house was suddenly breathing on its own. “Um, guys? Something’s happening.”

“No kidding,” Spike muttered, sarcastically. His vision was still blurry, but he could make out various shapes and colors, and had been able to walk from the car by himself without tripping or walking into something.

Buffy’s eyes darted around the room, suspiciously. “Why do I get the feeling the house is about to collapse?”

“You two stay here. I’ll go down looking for Rowan.” Angel disappeared through the door without waiting for a response.

“Angel, wait! Dammit!” Buffy rolled her eyes before turning back to Spike. “Maybe we should go back outside. Before-“ She gasped as the large windows simultaneously exploded, causing glass to shatter all over the room. Spike reacted instinctively, pulling Buffy down on the floor with him and shielding her body with his.


~ ~ ~


Gasping for air, Rowan tried to locate Morou, but the thick, black smoke was spreading quickly and made it next to impossible to see anything. He thought he heard a low, hissing sound from somewhere across the room, but he couldn’t be sure it came from the demon. It might just as well be the cracking of the fire. The fire that was minutes away from swallowing him, along with the rest of the house.

That was okay, though, as long as it meant the end of the evil, sadistic beast he had spent the last months of his life serving. Morou’s disturbing prediction about him going to Hell kept haunting him, though, but Rowan tried not to dwell on it, telling himself it didn’t matter. Wherever he was going, up or down, his time was almost up.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and he began to feel dizzy. Then he heard a shrill, shrieking sound, almost like a scream. The strange part was that it seemed to come from all around the room at once, as if the house itself was hurting and crying out in protest. The blood-curling noise just kept growing louder and louder, making Rowan’s skin crawl.

Suddenly Morou appeared right in front of him, causing Rowan to let out a startled yelp and try, unsuccessfully, to back away. However, it soon became clear to him that the creature was no longer aware of his presence. Smoke and flames were coming out of the demon’s eyes, ears and nose, and the mouth was just a black hole, open in a silent scream.

“You’re toast,” Rowan smugly told the burning demon, watching in fascination how Morou was forced to his knees, unable to escape the large flames surrounding him. That was when the creature started wailing, furiously. It only lasted for a few seconds, though, and before Rowan knew it, all that remained was an immobile heap of bones on the floor. A moment later, there was nothing left but ashes.

Hit by a wave of exhaustion, Rowan slumped back against the wall, lacking the strength he needed to hold himself up. “I fucking did it,” he mumbled then, surprised by his accomplishment. In all honesty, he hadn’t really counted on winning the battle. As his eyelids started feeling heavy, he closed his eyes with a resigned sigh.

Although the walls were shaking and crumbling around him, Rowan suddenly felt more peaceful than he had in years. It was over. Morou wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else. It was a long shot, but he figured there was at least a fifty percent chance The Powers would have mercy on his soul and allow him to reunite with Julie in the end. The thought made him smile.

Then he realized he was still holding Spike’s zippo lighter in a tight grip, and found himself wishing there was a way for him to return it. By the look of things, when all this was over, the lighter would end up buried under the rubble. It seemed wrong, somehow. Surely it deserved a better fate than that. After all, he wouldn’t have been able to defeat Morou without it.


~ ~ ~


Hurrying down to the basement, Angel was pleased to find that the stone door at the bottom of the stairs was in fact open, unlike the last time. Black smoke was welling out of the room, but it didn’t stop him. After all, it wasn’t like he needed to breathe. He stepped through the door, and froze in his tracks when he found himself in the middle of an inferno.

Waving his hand in front of his face in a fruitless attempt to see anything through the thick smoke, he finally spotted Rowan’s still form over by the far wall. Quickly striding across the room, Angel was filled with relief as he managed to pick up the sound of the other man’s heartbeat. It was faint, but at least it was there.

There was no trace of the demon, and Angel could only hope it meant that it was over. He had no way of knowing for sure, but he didn’t have time to find out. Right now, getting Rowan out of there was his main priority. Hopefully, Morou would go down along with the house.

He crouched down next to the blond, carefully shaking him by the shoulder. “Rowan? Come on, we’ve got to go!” No response. Angel let out a sigh, and hoisted the unconscious man over his shoulder with a feeling of deja vu. Well, at least this would hopefully be the last time he’d have to haul someone up those stairs.


~ ~ ~


“Buffy! You okay, luv?” Spike pulled back, grabbed her shoulders and searched her face intentively as he tried to check for any sign of damage. She should be just fine, seeing how he had done his best to protect her from the flying shards of broken glass, but he didn’t trust his eyes just yet to be sure. He could smell blood, but thankfully, he immediately recognized it as his own.

“Yeah.” Her response came out breathlessly. “Spike, you’re bleeding.” He felt her hand brush against his face a moment before her worried eyes finally came fully into his view, and he sucked in a breath he didn’t really need.

“Right.” He kept staring into her eyes, unable to look away, and it took a moment for her words to register. Shaking his head to clear it, he then brought his hand up to carefully touch the gash on his cheek. Frowning briefly at the blood on his fingers, he let out a soft chuckle. “’M fine.” He paused for a moment. “You’re beautiful.”

Her eyes narrowed in confusion, then her lips parted slightly and she stared at him in astonishment. “You mean you can see me? Really see me?” He just nodded, certain that his voice would fail him, and watched how a huge smile started to spread on her face.

There was a loud crash as a heavy bookshelf fell over merely a few feet away, but Buffy and Spike barely noticed. They only had eyes for each other; the rest of the world forgotten.

“I love you,” Buffy gasped, tears forming in her eyes. Awestruck, she kept her gaze fixed on Spike as the house was falling apart around them.

Spike gave her a crooked grin, finally finding his voice. “Been waiting to see your face when you say that.” He reached out to stroke her cheek, his eyes locked on hers as he leaned in and caught her lips with his, the kiss being tender at first but soon became more passionate.

Buffy slipped her arms around Spike’s neck, hungrily returning the kiss. The floorboards were cracking beneath them and the wallpaper crumpling and peeling off the walls. And she had never felt more
content in her life.


TBC

“I’ve got him, let’s go,” Angel called out as he came hurrying through the doorway, carrying a barely conscious Rowan. He stopped in his tracks when he spotted Buffy and Spike with their arms around each other on the floor. “You might wanna save the canoodling for later,” he all but growled, the irritation evident in his voice.

Having been too caught up in each other to notice Angel appear, startled, the couple immediately pulled apart. Buffy’s eyes widened in shock as she took in the destruction around them. She opened her mouth, but a weak moan from Rowan cut her off.

“Is he going to be okay?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Looking almost as shaken as her, Spike quickly got up, gently pulling her to her feet. Their eyes met, and Buffy knew they were both remembering the night back in Sunnydale when the two of them had started out fighting in an abandoned house, and ended up tearing the whole place down.

That was the night they slept together for the first time, and things had gone downhill pretty fast after that. She had been at a really bad place back then, using Spike’s love for her as a temporarily escape. Thinking about it now left her with a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. Thankfully, a lot of things had changed since then.

Oblivious to the disturbing memories rushing through Buffy’s mind, Angel headed for the front door. “He needs medical attention. We have to get him to the hospital right away.”

“What about the-“ Spike stopped and his eyes narrowed as a large crack appeared in the wall. “Bloody hell! The house is really fallin’ apart.”

Rowan started coughing violently, almost causing Angel to drop him. Buffy’s hand slipped into Spike’s, and they shared a brief look before following the dark-haired vampire out of the house. Neither of them looked back until they reached the car. From a distance, one couldn’t tell what was happening on the inside. Not yet, anyway. Soon, though, there wouldn’t be much left.

“Careful,” Angel mumbled as he lowered Rowan down in the backseat. “Don’t try to talk, you’ve inhaled a lot of smoke.”

Shaking his head, Rowan’s hand shot out to weakly grab Angel’s arm. “It’s over,” he croaked. “Morou’s gone.”

“That’s good.” Angel was unable to keep the relief out of his voice. “But you should save your strength. We’ll be at the hospital in a few minutes.”

But Rowan didn’t let go of him. Instead he struggled to raise his other hand, shoving a small object towards Angel. Frowning, the vampire looked down at the familiar silver lighter in his hand. His eyes went back to the blond, questioningly, but he didn’t get any explanation. Rowan had passed out.


~ ~ ~


Twenty minutes later, Angel left the small hospital room and returned to the waiting area, where he found Buffy and Spike. He made his way over to them. “Well, it looks like Rowan’s gonna live. He’s got a mild concussion, and the doctor warned there might be internal bleeding. And they’re still not sure how badly damaged his spine is.” Angel ran his hand over his face. “At least he’s alive.”

“That’s a relief.” Buffy bit her lip, glancing at Spike. “Someone should call the others, tell them what happened. They must be worried.”

Angel let out a tired sigh. “I’ll do it. Do you guys plan on sticking around for a while?” Buffy looked at Spike, who nodded in response. As he was about to leave, Angel suddenly remembered something and turned to Spike. “Oh, before I forget. Here. Unless I’m mistaken, this belongs to you.” He pulled out the zippo lighter from his pocket.

The blond vampire looked confused for a moment, then his face broke into a grin as he accepted the precious item. “Thanks, mate. Thought I’d lost the damn thing.”

“You did. Rowan found it.” Angel looked like he was about to say something more, then clearly decided against it and left.

“So...” Buffy looked after Angel for a brief moment before turning back to Spike, smiling as his arms immediately went around her. “Rowan actually made it. Morou’s dead, and we’re all still here. It’s really over.”

Spike raised a brow, suggestively. “If you wanna celebrate, I have a few ideas.”

“Of course you do.” Buffy couldn’t keep from smiling. Then she suddenly became serious. “Wait. I just jinxed us, didn’t I, by saying it’s over? Why did I have to say that? Now I just know something horrible’s going to happen. Oh God, what if L.A gets hit by a meteor? Or there could be a tidal wave-“

“Buffy...” Spike interrupted her ramblings, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Don’t think you’ll have to worry ‘bout meteors and tidal waves tonight, luv. Besides, even if something like that would happen, there’s really not much you can do about it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks, honey. That makes me feel so much better.” They were both quiet for a moment, until Buffy spoke up again, carefully, “So, are you very disappointed?” He raised a brow, looking a little confused, so she went on, “You said you wanted to watch Morou die. It didn’t turn out that way.”

“Yeah, well...” He shrugged. “When have things ever turned out the way I’ve planned, eh? I know he’s gone; that’s enough for me.”

To tell the truth, Spike was actually a little relieved. He would deny it if anyone asked, but the moment he had stepped through the door to Rowan’s house, all the memories of being trapped, blind and helpless had welled up inside him. And he hadn’t liked it one bit.

In all honesty, he wasn’t sure he would have found the courage to walk down those stairs again, even if Angel hadn’t insisted on going alone. It made him feel beyond pathetic, and the mere thought of admitting his weakness to Buffy, or Angel for that matter, made him cringe. Still, he had a feeling Buffy could see right through him.

But if she did, she didn’t say anything about it. Instead she gave him a soft smile. “Same here. I kind of didn’t want you to go down there again, anyway.” When he didn’t respond, Buffy decided it was time to change the subject. “You know, I’ve been thinking. About us.”

“Yeah? What about it?” Spike crossed his arms protectively over his chest, trying desperately to keep his sudden self-consciousness from showing and firmly telling himself that Buffy wasn’t suddenly having second thoughts about the two of them.

“Well, it’s just...” Buffy hesitated. “With everything that’s happened, we haven’t really been able to talk about, you know,” she lowered her eyes, “our future.”

Spike gave her a wary look. “Right. Um...” He cleared his throat and looked down at his feet. “Just so we’re clear, we do have one, yeah?” Glancing at Buffy, he immediately felt like an idiot as he saw her incredulous expression. “Just checking,” he mumbled, silently cursing his stupid insecurities.

“We are so not having this discussion again,” Buffy stated, sounding annoyed. Seeing how he opened his mouth, she quickly raised her hand to stop him. “Just listen. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately. I think maybe we should consider leaving L.A.”

Unable to hide his surprise, Spike cocked his head to the side. “You serious, pet?” Buffy just nodded, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, uncertain about his reaction. “Where would we go?” he asked, sounding interested, and she let out the breath she had been holding.

“I don’t know. I guess we could go wherever we want.” She gave him a sheepish smile. “As far away from here as possible?”

He grinned, deciding he definitely liked the sound of that. “Sure, pet. I’d follow you anywhere.”

Buffy got a thoughtful look on her face. “You know, it would be nice to get a break from the slaying for a while. We could go someplace where there’s absolutely no evil. Wouldn’t that be great?” Seeing Spike’s skeptical expression, she pouted a little. “I know, I know. I don’t really believe such a place exists, either. Just wishful thinking.”

Spike snorted. “Yeah, right. Two days without slaying, and you’d be so bored you’d bloody beg me to pick a fight with you, just for the sake of it.”

“I would not!” She tried her best to look offended, although she suspected he was probably right. Still, she wouldn’t say no to a night off from fighting evil every once in a while. Surely she and Spike would be able to find something else to keep themselves occupied.

A sudden thought occurred to Spike and his eyes lit up. “Hey, can I be the one to tell Angel we’re leaving?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Sure, honey. I bet you’ll get a real kick out of it.”

“Bloody right I will.” He smirked. Then he remembered something and changed the subject, “You know, I believe I still owe you a date. Dinner at my place, tomorrow night?” He gave her a hopeful look.

She smiled at him, sweetly. “Sounds great.” Giving it a moment’s thought, she then added, “Just don’t get any stupid ideas about leaving again. I don’t care what happens; the world could be ending for all I care. This time, I won’t let you out of my sight.” Spike chuckled. He really didn’t have any problems with that.

Angel chose that moment to return, walking up to them. “I talked to Wesley. They’re on their way. And the doctor said Rowan’s awake. I thought I’d go check on him,” Angel said, “You guys wanna come?”

Buffy gave Spike a questioning look. He considered it for a moment, then turned to Angel. “They’re keeping him here for a while, yeah?” Angel nodded in response. “Tell him we’ll stop by tomorrow.”

The dark-haired vampire nodded again. “All right.” Then he turned around and left.

Spike held out his hand and she took it immediately. “Come on, luv. Time to go home.”


TBC

The next morning, Buffy and Spike went back to the hospital to see Rowan as promised. They had agreed to spend the night together at Spike’s place, both longing for the privacy they just wouldn’t be getting at the hotel. Not that either of them had actually been sleeping much.

Unfortunately, the ridiculously small bed was clearly not designed for any other activities than just sleeping, and after nearly falling off the bed a couple of times, Buffy quickly decided that one night in that tiny apartment was enough.

Now she glanced at Spike, reluctantly pushing the pleasant memories of last night’s love-making to the back of her mind. “You ready?” They were standing right outside Rowan’s hospital room.

“Sure,” the vampire replied with a shrug. He was just about to open the door when Buffy put a hand on his arm to stop him, and he gave her a questioning look. “Something wrong, pet?”

“No.” Buffy hesitated a little. “It’s just a little weird, you know? Not really sure how to act around Rowan now. I mean, at first I hated him. Blamed him for what happened to you. A part of me still does, I guess. But still, I kind of feel for him. He’s been through a lot as well.”

Spike nodded. “Know what you mean. Bloke really came through in the end. Must’ve taken a lot of guts to go back down there.” Rowan had obviously made a mistake by keeping his involvement with Morou a secret, but Spike had no doubts that the man had learned his lesson.

After all, Spike pondered, who was he to throw stones? It wasn’t like he had never done anything he wished he could go back and change. And if he could be forgiven for his evil and reckless deeds, surely Rowan deserved the same treatment. Only a hypocrite would claim otherwise.

“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Spike suggested, gesturing towards the door. Looking somewhat nervous, Buffy nodded in agreement. He raised his hand to knock briefly on the door before carefully pushing it open and peeking inside. Then he stepped through the door, with Buffy not far behind.


~ ~ ~


Rowan looked up when the door opened, offering his visitors a somewhat uncertain smile. “Come on in. I’d stand up and greet you, but I’m kinda tied up at the moment,” he joked.

He had been expecting Spike and Buffy to show up. Still, a part of him couldn’t help but feel a little awkward. He wasn’t sure about Spike, but he was pretty certain Buffy still hated his guts. Not that he blamed her.

Much to his surprise, Buffy didn’t look angry, nor resentful. If anything, she seemed almost nervous. “How’re you feeling?” she asked, quietly.

“Um...” Rowan hesitated for a moment. “Can’t complain. I mean, I’m alive, right?” He tried to keep his tone light.

Buffy glanced at Spike before turning back to Rowan with a strained smile. “Yes. That’s good. Really.” And she meant it. She had always liked Rowan. Deep down, a part of her suspected that she wouldn’t have reacted as strongly to his betrayal, had Spike not been the one ending up hurt. The thought made her feel guilty, seeing how Morou’s other victims probably didn’t deserve it any more than Spike did.

Spike cleared his throat. “Came to say goodbye, mate. Haven’t told the others yet, but me and Buffy’re leaving L.A. tonight.” Buffy nodded in agreement, smiling as Spike’s arm slipped around her waist.

Rowan blinked in surprise, eyes darting between the vampire and the slayer. “Are you serious? Why so sudden?”

Buffy opened her mouth, but was cut off by a chipper melody from her cellphone. Her face lit up as she cast a glance at the display. “It’s Dawn. I’ve got to take this, excuse me.” She brushed her lips against Spike’s cheek before quickly leaving the room.

Looking briefly after Buffy, Spike then turned his attention back to the man in the hospital bed. “What can I say? Why wait? No time like the present, and all that rot. Seriously, I never intended to stick around, even before Buffy came here. I just...” he shrugged, “didn’t have anywhere to go.”

The blond eyed him curiously. “And you do now?”

“Yeah, well...” Spike chuckled, suddenly a little embarrassed. “My place is with her. I’ll go wherever she wants.”

Having witnessed Buffy’s anguish first hand when Spike was trapped in the basement with Morou, Rowan didn’t doubt for a second that the vampire’s feelings were mutual. “So, where are you going?”

“Italy.” Spike walked over to a chair and slumped down. “Least that’s our first stop. Meeting up with the slayer’s little sis. Then we’ll see. Might travel for a while. Buffy hasn’t seen much of the world, which I intend to change.”

“I’m sure she’ll like that.” Rowan was quiet for a moment. “Look, I know I’ve said this before, but-“

“Don’t,” Spike interrupted, rolling his eyes. “Stop beating yourself up over what happened. We’re good, mate. Just let it go.” Then he suddenly remembered something. “Hey, meant to say thanks for saving this for me.” He pulled out his lighter from his pocket and held it up with a grin.

“Oh. Well, you’re welcome.” Rowan hesitated. “Actually, if you hadn’t dropped it, I wouldn’t be here now. So it’s really me who should say thanks.”

“That right?” Spike raised a brow, looking at the silver object in his hand before letting it slip back down in his pocket. “Bloody thing’s handy, that’s for sure.”

Buffy chose that moment to return. “Sorry about that. Dawn’s been kind of ecstatic ever since I told her we’re coming to see her tomorrow. She wanted to know what time our flight arrives.” She smiled at Spike before turning to Rowan. “Hey, I feel like I should apologize or something. You know, for threatening to kill you?” Frowning, she added, “Not that I didn’t mean it at the time.”

Rowan snorted. “I understand. Believe me. No need to apologize.”

Instead of objecting, Buffy merely nodded. “Okay. Still, I’m glad you’re all right.” There was a moment of silence. Buffy glanced at Spike. “Maybe we should...?”

“Right,” Spike agreed, eagerly clapping his hands together and rising from the chair. “Wouldn’t want to keep the others waiting.”

Buffy swatted him gently on the arm. “Stop being so smug.” She saw Rowan’s confusion and explained, “Spike just wants to see the look on Angel’s face when he’ll find out we’re leaving the country.”

“Bet he’ll cry. Can’t wait to see it.” Spike snickered. Rowan looked amused and Buffy rolled her eyes. The vampire turned serious. “So, what’re you gonna do when you get out of here? You going back to Wolfram and Hart?”

Rowan’s smile faded. “Don’t think so, man. The doctors all seem positive I’ll be able to walk again, but I was never much of a fighter in the first place and I doubt I’ll do any better after this. Besides, my power’s gone.”

“Really?” Buffy stared at him in shock. “Are you sure? I mean, how’s that possible?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It disappeared along with Morou. Can’t say I’m actually gonna miss it.” Rowan shrugged. “I don’t know what I’ll be doing after I get out. Guess I need to come up with something I’m actually good at.” He grimaced.

“Well, good luck with that.” Buffy frowned. “I didn’t mean that in a sarcastic way.” Rowan chuckled, waving his hand in dismissal.

Spike flung his arm casually around Buffy’s shoulders. “We’ll talk, mate. Buffy insists I’ll get a sodding phone of my own, might as well use it.” He raised his hand in a wave. “Take care.”

“You too.” Rowan returned the wave, knowing he would miss the vampire. He held back a sigh. “Bye, guys.”


~ ~ ~


“I can’t believe you guys are leaving.” Fred looked from Spike to Buffy, a wistful note in her voice as she added, “I’m gonna miss you.”

“We’ll miss you, too, Fred. But seriously, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.” Buffy offered the brunette a weak smile. “I mean, we’ll come visit. Right, honey?” She gave Spike a pointed look.

Spike shrugged. “Sure. On rare occasions. Might drop by every five years or so.” Buffy snorted, but didn’t bother to comment.

“Like you could stay away for that long. You know you’re going to miss us.” Lorne patted the blond vampire on the shoulder before turning to Buffy. “Oh, by the way. ’Too Tough To Die’ with The Ramones.” Spike’s eyes widened in horror.

Buffy frowned. “Huh?”

“That’s the song Spikey here sang to me when he first came to Wolfram and Hart,” Lorne explained. “I know you’ve been dying to find out. It was very...” he searched for the right word, “enlightening.”

Clapping a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle, Buffy turned to Spike who refused to meet her eyes. “I thought you said you ‘didn’t bloody sing’.”

Spike’s eyes narrowed and he glared at the green demon. “Traitor,” he muttered.

“Never thought I’d say this, but it won’t be the same around here without you guys.” Gunn chuckled as he pulled Buffy in for a tight hug, then turned to Spike and shook the vampire’s hand. “Take care, man. Don’t be a stranger.”

Wesley nodded. “I have to agree. These last few months have been most interesting.”

Buffy smiled at the former watcher before glancing at Angel, who had stayed quiet so far. “Well, I guess this is goodbye.” She shrugged awkwardly.

Angel stepped forward, his expression unreadable. “Yeah. Goodbye, Buffy. I wish you the best...” He stopped. “Buffy, are you absolutely sure about this? I mean, you guys don’t have to leave. You could just stay here, and...” His voice trailed off as he saw the look on the slayer’s face. “Never mind. Have a safe trip.” He reached out to hug her, clearly a little uncomfortable.

Then he turned to Spike, rolling his eyes as the other vampire held his arms open, mockingly. “You’ve better not hurt her,” he grumbled.

Spike let his arms drop, his face suddenly dead serious. “You actually believe I’d do that?”

Angel opened his mouth, then closed it again, letting out a defeated sigh. “No, I don’t.”

“I’d bloody kill myself before I’d ever hurt her again,” Spike stated, glancing at the girl in question who had stepped over to him and slipped her small hand into his. “Love you, pet,” he mumbled. “You know that.” Buffy just nodded, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Aw, you two are just so sweet!” Fred exclaimed, grinning widely.

Buffy returned her smile, while Spike looked almost offended. “’M not sweet,” he insisted, sulkily. Then he cleared his throat and turned back to Angel. “Thanks, mate. For, you know,” he shrugged, “everything.”

“You’re, uh, welcome,” Angel mumbled. He took a step closer, as if to give Spike a hug, then froze in his tracks as he noticed that the room had suddenly become dead silent. “Um, good luck,” he finished weakly, quickly stepping back. Spike nodded briefly, his face a mixture of gratitude and embarrassment.

“We’ve better hurry.” Buffy cast a look at her watch. “The plane leaves at midnight, and besides...” She smiled sweetly at Spike. “someone’s promised me a date tonight.”

Spike nodded in agreement. Their bags were all packed and waiting for them back at his place. Which meant they had the rest of the night free. And he wasn’t about to waste any more time. “Right.” He looked around the room and raised his hand in goodbye before slipping his arm around his girl, hugging her close for a moment. The two of them walked out of Angel’s office, and left the large building hand in hand.


~ ~ ~


There was a brief knock before the door opened. Rowan had become used to the doctors and nurses stepping in and out of his room, so he didn’t bother to look up at first. Then a soft voice spoke. “Hi. I was just wondering if you needed anything.”

He turned his head slowly towards the visitor, and his eyes widened in shock. “Julie?” he gasped. For a moment, he just stared at the girl in front of him, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. It couldn’t be. He blinked a couple of times, certain that he was dreaming. But the girl remained by the door.

Now she frowned, looking a little taken aback as she nervously fidgeted with her uniform. “Um, no. My name is Sarah, I’m new here. I’m sorry; you must be confusing me with someone else.” She gave him an apologetic smile.

Rowan looked at the girl again, realizing that she was right. How could he have been so wrong? Still, there was something about her. Her eyes were kind. He swallowed. “Of course. I’m sorry. For a moment, you reminded me of my girlfriend.”

“Oh.” Sarah blushed and lowered her eyes.

“Ex girlfriend, actually. She died.” He wasn’t sure what had compelled him to share that particular information. Maybe it was her obvious disappointment at the word ‘girlfriend’. Or maybe he just wanted her to stick around for a while. Rowan cocked his head to the side, watching her closely. She sure was pretty. Hell, who was he kidding? She was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.

All of the sudden, he couldn’t wait to find out everything about her. And he realized that he had all the time in the world.



The End