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“Get the hell out!” Buffy screamed. She’d had enough. Five weeks ago was the last time that she would forgive Angel. He knew that and yet he had the audacity – “God, I can’t believe you have the nerve to even look at me right now.” she said.

Angel was acting the part, alright. He knew she was fed up, knew that she wanted nothing to do with him, yet he refused to admit to his wrong doing.

“Baby, what did I do?” he pleaded with her trying to look as innocent as possible. If she hadn’t known any better Buffy would have thought her skin was on fire from how angry she was. She felt hot and livid, just looking at him made her sick.

“What did you do? I saw you Angel, I saw you with th-that whore!” She yelled out. He seemed desperate now, knowing the extent of her knowledge. She knew he was only worried for one reason. She was a comfort zone to him, one that he was not at all happy about losing. “Buffy please,” he pleaded, “it’s not what you think. She meant nothing Buffy, I promise you. Please you have to believe me. I only love you sweetheart, I swear it.”


Angel went to reach his hand out to her face but Buffy slapped his hand away and decided this talk was over. “Get out,” she spat, “and don’t come back.” At that Angel slouched his shoulders, staring at her for a few seconds before making his way to the door. Just as she thought he was leaving a smile crept into his lips.

“You want me gone? Fine!” he said with a smirk, “It’s your loss, let’s face it baby, you’ve never had it as good as me. You’ll miss me, and when you come begging me to take you back, you’d better hope I’m still interested ‘cause we both know you can’t live without me.”

How dare he? The egotistical bastard! Buffy strode over to him and got so close that she could feel his breath on her skin. Attempting to not feel ill by his nearness she let her fingers crawl up his neck and brought his ear to her lips. “Watch Me.” She Whispered. With that she stepped away from him and slammed the door in his face leaving him dumbfounded.

Although she still felt the sting of his betrayal, being able to finally throw him out of her home and her life had soothed her more than she could have imagined. She had never had good luck with men, in any sense of the phrase really. Everyone in her life was gone. Her father, had severe schizophrenia and had killed himself two years ago. How she had cried. She had known that her father was ill, that he was not of sound mind, but when she had to identify the body and seen him laying sprawled across the floor with his throat slit open, well… it was the most disturbing experience of her whole life.

“We don’t know how he got the knife,” the nurse had spoken to her apologetically; “I assure you we are very careful. No one here gave it to him.” Not knowing what else to say she finished with an almost silent “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Breaking the news to her mother had been the worst part of it. Watching her sink to the floor with tears in her eyes. She knew that her mother had not had contact with him for a while but the pain was still evident. Buffy was devastated yet she found solace in the thought that at least her father would no longer have to endure the tormentous life that he had lived. A few weeks after his death she had called her mother and gotten no answer. Upon arriving at the house she had grown up in and entering it she had found a note left for her on the kitchen table.


“My darling Buffy, I am sorry that you have to find out this way but I have left. I can no longer stay in this house, this city, this state. Too many memories Buffy. I wish I could have alerted you of my decision but I know you would have tried to keep me here. You don’t need me anymore. You have grown into a beautiful young woman and deserve to lead your life without ghosts from your past haunting you. Just remember that I love you my Buffy, and don’t worry about me. I will be back in a few months I just need some time to clear my head.
Love Always,
Mom”


Her mother had been the last person she was truly close with and now she was gone as well. Then, about six months ago she had met Angel. She had just landed her job at The Bronze and had been in a very good mood. The thought of being able to pay her rent on time every month now took a load off her chest. The first time she saw him was on her third night of working at The Bronze.


At first she had paid little attention to him, but the tall, brunette man had done his best to make his presence known to her, striking up small talk at any chance he got.


She had been alone for almost a year and for once it was nice to have someone to talk to. After that night they had gone on a few dates and 2 months later he had moved in. She knew it was a bit fast but she felt comfortable with him and it was relieving to have someone around. Then about six weeks back it had begun. Angel had started coming home late and sometimes not at all, telling her that his boss was putting pressure on him to get this case closed and that he was doing extra hours so as not to get fired.


How stupid she had been to believe him, to actually feel sorry for him. One of the nights he called to tell her he was not coming home, she decided to take him a snack, not wanting him to go hungry in the middle of the night. She should have left him that night when she got to his work and he was not there; when he got home the next morning and having no excuse confessed his betrayal to her. She should have, but she didn’t. He had begged and begged, telling her how it was a stupid one time mistake and it would never happen again. Buffy wanted to leave him and forget about him, forget about everyone; but her loneliness had driven her to forgive him.

Then, as she had been driving home tonight she had seen him, kissing some gutter trash slut who looked like she would sleep with anyone who showed the slightest interest in her. That was it. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice…well, she wasn’t going to let him fool her twice.

She had let her desperate need for someone, anyone, to connect with stand in the way of getting rid of him before, but not this time. This time she had been strong. This time she had kicked Angel to the curb and was never going to forgive him again.

As Buffy walked into the Bronze for her shift she saw her friend.

"Hey Faith. Looks like it's been really busy." Faith nodded but couldn't stop worrying about Buffy. She knew that she had ended things with Angel yesterday and was concerned about how that would affect her.

"Yeah lots of people here tonight so let's get to it." Faith smiled at Buffy trying to get her friend's mind off of her now ex boyfriend.

There were about a dozen people sitting at the bar and Buffy was getting decent tips tonight. After handing a customer his beer she looked at the clock. 'God it's been four hours already?' She mused to herself.

"I'm gonna go take a break Faith. I'll be back in fifteen." Faith gave her a thumbs up signifying her approval and Buffy headed towards the back entrance unaware of the eyes watching her every move.

Buffy leaned up against the back wall of The Bronze trying to clear her head but the only thoughts that came were ones of loneliness. Once again she was alone and miserable she realized as the tears streamed down her face. She just couldn't understand why she hadn't been enough for Angel. Looking at her watch once again Buffy saw that it was time to go back inside and wiped the tears from her face.

---

As Angel walked into The Bronze he tried to compose himself. He needed to see Buffy. Breaking up with her had not gone well at all for him and that needed to be rectified at once. For fuck's sake he'd had to sleep in a motel last night. A motel! No, this was definitely not good he needed Buffy and his apartment back.

As he approached the bar he tried to looked genuinely upset and saddened as he spoke to Faith. "Hey Faith. Buffy around?"

Faith laughed as she looked at Angel. She was no idiot she knew what kind of guy Angel was and felt happy that Buffy had finally left him. "Not for you she's not." Faith answered with a hateful look.

Angel felt his jaw tighten at her answer. Who did the little bitch think she was? Some stupid whore should know better than to fuck with him. Yet he controlled himself knowing that an outburst would do him no good.

"Look Faith I know you're upset with me but I never meant to hurt Buffy. I love her you must know that. I know I made some mistakes but I've changed. I'm a better man now. The thought of losing Buffy made me see the error of my ways. Please tell me where she is."

Faith stared at Angel with an unbelieving expression. Did he really think she was gonna buy into his bullshit?

"Look you little bastard-" Before she could finish she was cut off by Buffy.

"Faith! I'll deal with Angel." Buffy gave her friend a pleading look hoping she would understand. Faith gave Angel a final stare and shrugged her shoulders even though internally she wanted to do nothing more than make sure that bastard couldn't get near her friend again.

"Whatever you say B." With that she walked away to deal with a customer leaving Buffy to face Angel.

Buffy dragged Angel out back not wanting to make a scene in front of the customers. Once they were finally out she looked up at him barely being able to meet his gaze for fear that the tears might come and never stop.

"What do you want Angel?"

"What do I want?" He asked with a scoff. "Buffy how can you ask me that? I love you baby and I want you back. I want US back. Buffy these two days have been horrible for me. You have no idea how much I've missed you."

Buffy looked into Angel's eyes yet saw no real emotion or sincerity there. It was as if a huge cloud of smoke had been removed and she could finally see clearly. How had she fallen for the sick puppy dog routine for so long? Looking at him now Buffy saw nothing in Angel but a cold, uncaring, calculating, manipulative human being.

"I haven't missed you Angel. In fact, leaving you was something I should have done a long time ago." With that Buffy turned to walk away from him but was stopped when he grabbed her arm roughly and spun her to face him.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He growled. "You think you can just walk away from this Buffy? Walk away from me? Do you think I'm am idiot Buffy? You can't do this. No one, NO ONE walks away from me."

"Let me go!" Buffy tried to struggle herself free but it was no use. Angel's bulky form possessed far more strength than hers and this was a battle she would not win.

"I don't think so sweetheart." Angel sneered. "We're just getting to the good part." He smashed his lips to hers in a bruising kiss. She would give in to him and when she did she would finally realize that there was no getting away from him. Of that he would make sure.

When he finally broke the violent kiss he looked down at her with a vicious smile.

"You see Buffy? I can take anything I want from you whenever I want. So why don't you just be a good girl and give me what I'm here for? Come on, baby I love you." This time it was said in a mocking tone and Buffy felt herself start to get sick.

"Never again Angel. You make me sick and if you think for one moment that I will open the doors of my house again for you or that I will EVER be yours again then you are gravely mistaken. NOW LET ME GO!"

As Buffy jerked away from him his grip on her arm slipped and she punched him in the nose.

"Ow!" Angel howled holding his hands to his nose but quickly recovering. "You stupid whore!" He roared as he slapped her across the face. "Your pretty face will unrecognizable when I'm through with you."

As he went to swing at her again a wrist caught his arm swiftly. Buffy looked behind Angel at the man who was apparently saving her in shock.

Angel tried to throw the man off but he was too late. The last words he heard before he blacked out resonating.

"I think it's time for you to take a nap mate."

As Buffy looked at the scene in front of her she couldn't stop shaking with the thought of what might have happened if this stranger hadn't come along. As she tried to compose herself she found herself staring up at the bluest eyes she had ever seen. Her breath caught in her throat as his gaze locked with hers. With a smirk on his face the man lit a smoke and inhaled deeply.

"Hello Cutie."

Driven by her anger over what had just happened, Buffy stood ready to lash out at the only person she could. “Who the hell are you?” She asked clenching her fists.

At her response the man let out a laugh. “Apparently I’m the person that you are going to take your anger out on goldilocks.” Buffy stared at him disbelievingly pausing as she realized she had no answer.

“You-“ Before Buffy could get her sentence out he cut her off.

“You know a thank you would be nice.”

Buffy knew he was right but couldn’t help but let all her frustration of tonight out on him. “You want me to thank you? I am not going to thank you for meddling in what’s none of your business. I had everything under control.”

He looked at her confused at that. “So your definition of under control is being thrown around like a rag doll by some bloody wanker? Sorry luv but I don’t quite fancy letting something like that happen right in front of me.”

As Buffy looked at him she started to get a confused look on her face.

“Wait… how did you know we were out here?”

“I saw you come out that’s how.” The man replied with a scoff.

Buffy stared at him doubtingly. “So you just happened to be looking at the back door when we came out and just happened to know that you were gonna be needed?” None of it made sense to her and she was really starting to wonder about this man. It wasn’t as if he had “trustworthy” written on his forehead. If anything he looked downright dangerous in his all black attire and leather duster. His hair was an unnatural shade of blonde and he had a scar on his left eyebrow.

“I heard screaming alright? I figured you’d be more bloody grateful and not be such a bitch!” As the man started to walk away Buffy couldn’t help but feel guilt over her treatment of him.

“Wait! Please, I didn’t mean to…” she sighed as he turned around to look at her. “Look you’re right I’m sorry. I guess I’ve just had a lot to deal with.” She stretched out her hand in an attempt to shake his.

“I’m Buffy.”

“Spike.” He said although he didn’t shake her hand.

“Spike? How did you get that name?” Buffy blushed realizing she wasn’t sure if she wanted the answer to that question. “Uhh… never mind.”

"So," Spike said as he lit another smoke. "Who is he?" He asked pointing at the still unconscious Angel.

"Nobody." Buffy responded wanting nothing more than to forget this horrible night.

"I don't think nobody would be trying to..." Spike stopped himself not wanting to remind Buffy of what had occurred. "He must be somebody."

Buffy felt her frustration rise again wondering why he couldn't let the topic go. "Look, I know what you did for me tonight and I am grateful but we are not friends, we are strangers and I am not going to discuss my life with you."

Spike cocked his head to the side analyzing her. "You know what I think Buffy? I think that you have never met someone that you can trust body and soul." He kept his gaze locked with hers as he approached her. "I think that you have had the misfortune of being with one too many poofters that try and abuse you but can't man up and give it to you good when they need to."

Buffy was starting to back into the wall while blushing fiercely at Spike's comments. How could this man have her figured out this well when they had just met?

"I- I don't know what you're t- talking about." She stammered as he closed the space between them and she felt her back hit the wall. While this man was in a way imposing his presence on her it didn't feel like it did with Angel. In fact it felt very odd and Buffy couldn't help but notice her body temperature rising at his closeness.

"Is that right?" Spike smirked. "Tell me Buffy, has anyone ever made you scream their name?"

At his words Buffy eyes shot straight to his and the intensity she saw there took her breath away. She must be insane. Here she was freshly almost raped. Her ex-boyfriend knocked unconscious on the floor and she was getting all hot and bothered by a perfect stranger.

"I don't think that's any of your business." She replied sternly hoping to back him off so she could stop feeling this way.

Spike let out an amused laugh. God, she was feisty and he loved it.

"Would you like to? I could make you. I could do things to your body that would have you craving me baby." He curled his tongue behind his teeth and set both hands on either side of her head against the wall.

Buffy couldn't help but let out a soft moan and hoped that he hadn't caught it.

Spike had been trying to hold back. Ever since he had seen her from his table tonight he had been mesmerized by her beauty. When he had heard the screams in the back he knew she must need help and beating the ponce who had his hands on his girl was all he could do to repress the growl that had formed in his throat.

Now as he stood right against her he was starting to lose his composure and when he heard her moan that was the final straw. He captured her lips in a passionate kiss and ground his hips against hers.

Buffy was shocked as she felt lips on hers but all thoughts faded away as she gave in to the sensation. As his warm tongue begged her for access into her mouth she complied while intertwining her fingers in his locks.

"Oh god." She moaned as they broke away gasping for air. She could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against her and she slammed her hips against him surprising him.

"God pet, feel so good. Wanna take you right here. Wanna lick your sweet pussy and make you mine." He growled against her ear.

Buffy thought she would cum just from listening to him talk. "Oh Spike... I- I need- " She tried to form words but couldn't. Too lost in the sensations that this man was making her experience.

Spike growled and started undoing the top button and zipper of Buffy's pants. "I know what you need kitten, and I'm gonna give it to you good."

Buffy wanted to stop him. Wanted to tell him that this was wrong, that they had just met and she never did this kind of thing but when she felt his fingers trail her outer lips and then slam into her pussy she lost all train of thought.

Buffy eyes shot open and locked with his as he started to move his fingers inside her. Not looking away once, they both stood there gasping as Spike continued his ministrations on her.

Buffy bit her lower lip to stifle the scream that she was sure would come as she felt her inner walls start to tremble.

Spike felt this and started pumping his fingers even faster inside her and brought his thumb down to her clit and started rubbing it mercilessly.

"So bloody gorgeous luv. Come on pet I can feel how close you are. Scream for me Buffy." Seeing that she was about to orgasm, Spike gave her the final push and bit her neck sending her over the edge.

"Ohhh god Spiiiiikkkeee!!!" Buffy screamed as her climax hit her sending waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

As she started coming down from her orgasm Buffy suddenly felt very naked. She pulled her pants closed and ran her fingers through her hair. As she looked up at the man who had just brought her the most intense pleasure of her life she decided that she should leave to avoid further embarrassment.

"I- I gotta go. Thank you for everything." Realizing what she was saying she blushed. "I meant for everything before. I- I'll see you later." With that she ran off leaving a very determined Spike behind.

"That you will Goldilocks. That you will."

As Buffy went to work the next day, she was exhausted from a night of trying to forget. Forget what Angel had tried to do to her and forget that she let herself be pleasured by a complete stranger.

She felt drained today. She had no desire to be here but she knew she had to if she wanted to have money for her necessities. As she approached the bar she tried to smile at Faith.

"Hey Faith, how was your night?" As her friend stared at her Buffy brought her gaze down in shame knowing that Faith must at least know some of what happened last night.

"Hey B. My night was fine what I wanna talk about is your night. Buffy what did Angel do to you? I swear you ran outta here like the devil was chasing you." Buffy could see the deep concern in Faith's eyes and decided to let her in.

"Well... this is what happened."

As Buffy told Faith all of the events that had occurred last night from Angel trying to manhandle her and apparently rape her to the stranger that had come along and saved her. Of course Buffy left out the part where he made her orgasm like she never had in her life telling Faith that they had simply kissed.

She was probably never going to see him again and didn't want to look like a whore in front of her friend.

"Wow B, you sure have some luck. Not every girl has a bad ass hottie to come and save the day for her." Then Faith's face grew worrisome. "Buffy, you know you have to press charges against Angel."

Buffy smiled at the concern of her friend. "I know Faith it's already taken care of. I went this morning."

Faith sighed feeling glad that her friend had taken the necessary precautions in order to assure her safety.

"Five by five. Lets get to work B."

************************

The hours went by in a breeze and soon Buffy only had an hour left until she got to go home. She had been able to block out all thoughts of the night before with the stranger and had been quite successful in doing so but it seemed as if someone wanted to ruin her plans for denial when she looked up and saw a flash of bleached hair and a cocky smirk staring at her from the other side of the bar.

Buffy blushed fiercely from the intensity of his gaze on her. She wanted to run and hide but he was a customer and she needed to do her job if she intended to keep it.

As she gathered her courage she looked up at the man. "What can I get for you?"

Spike curled his tongue behind his teeth and leered at her with appreciation. "That's a very good question luv." He smirked as Buffy blushed.

"I'm sorry but I need to know what you want so I can get it for you." Buffy tried to remain calm around this man who had made her lose all her inhibitions last night. He was trouble and she knew it.

At that Spike gave her an amused grin. "I'll take a whiskey pet." Buffy nodded and turned away from him relieved to be able to walk away even if it was just for a few moments. However the drink was poured quickly and soon she was standing right in front of Spike again.

"So," Spike said as he looked at her with a hungry look in his eyes. "I want to know what time you get off tonight."

Buffy eyes shot up to his in surprise. She knew she should stay away from this man but something drew her to him. "I uhhh I get off pretty late actually, sorry."

Spike reached out and touched her hand. Buffy jumped back realizing just how cold his touch was. Who was this man and why was he here? She had a feeling that there was more to him than he let on.

"Look, I- I have to go. If you need another drink Faith will help you." With that she walked away. A few minutes later she spotted him leaving The Bronze through the back door.

Buffy let out a breath of relief as she finished her shift.

*******************************

Buffy had an odd feeling all the way home but she decided to let it go. As she went up the stairs to her apartment she decided she'd take a long bath before going to bed. God knows she needed it. As she let herself into her apartment she started shedding her clothes slowly. She managed to get off her shoes, socks, and scarf when she saw something in the corner of her eye.

She spun around quickly to see a shadow sitting on her sofa. Buffy pushed down the urge to scream and approached her lamp. "Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?" Getting no response she turned on her lamp determined to find out who the intruder was.

She gasped in shock as the light that flooded the room revealed a man in all black attire and a duster.

"Spike? What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in? What do you want?" She let out question after question not knowing whether to panic or stay calm. As she looked at him expectantly he gazed up at her.

Long gone was the playfulness from earlier tonight and in its place was something Buffy couldn't quite comprehend. As he remained silent Buffy felt herself losing her calm. "Look if you don't get out right now I'm gonna call the cops."

Apparently Spike didn't fancy that idea because in the flash of an eye Buffy found herself slammed against her wall and covered by his body. As she let out a strangled moan she heard Spike growl low in his throat.

When he finally spoke Buffy thought she would die from pleasure.

"I'm here for a reason Buffy. Here to give you what you want. What you need. Can't get enough of you and you will be mine." As he whispered the words into her ear Buffy bit her lip once again wondering how this man could have such an effect on her. He had broken into her home and all she could think about was how she desperately wanted him to take her right here and right now.

As she let out a gasp Spike slammed his lips to hers and ground his hips against hers passionately. Hands caressed and lips kissed everywhere. Soon Buffy was moaning uncontrollably and was scared she would draw blood from how deeply her nails were scratching Spike's back.

Then, in an instant everything changed. As Spike pulled up Buffy noticed that something was wrong. His forehead seemed different and his teeth were... and his eyes. As the realization of what was happening hit her Buffy could barely keep herself up. This wasn't supposed to be possible. Vampires didn't exist. Yet in front her one stood. The last words she heard come out of his mouth terrified her for some reason and as she tried to hold on to her consciousness she vowed that she would get out of this.

Spike saw her start to slump in his arms and let nothing but a growled word escape his lips.

"Slayer."

As Buffy slowly came to, she noticed she was laying on her bed and was alone. Suddenly panic gripped her. Spike had been here and... he was a vampire. The last word she had heard before she lost consciousness still resonating in her head. "Slayer." What did he mean by that? Had any of this even happened? Maybe she'd just had a bad dream, but Buffy knew that there was no denying how real everything had been.

As fear gripped her she snatched her phone and dialed Faith's number. Buffy waited nervously hoping that her friend would wake up even though it was already 3am.

When Faith picked up Buffy felt a rush of relief hit her.

"Hello?" Faith answered in a groggy voice.

"Faith? It's Buffy listen I know it's really late but I need you to come over. Please Faith I can't be alone right now." Buffy pleaded with her hoping her friend would take pity on her.

"Whoa B calm down, I'll be there in 20. Bye." With that Faith hung up and slid her coat on having a strange feeling that when she got to Buffy's house everything would change.

****************************

As Buffy waited for Faith's arrival she slowly checked out her whole apartment making sure that she truly was alone. For a moment she just sat in silence on her couch in the same exact spot where Spike had sat. So engrossed was she in her thoughts that when she heard the knock at her door she let out a loud yelp.

Buffy ran to open it throwing herself in Faith's arms as tears started descending.

"Oh god Faith thank you so much for coming I was so scared!"

As Faith saw the state in which Buffy was in she quickly sat her down on the couch and proceeded to sit next to her.

"B what's wrong girl?"

"Faith..." Buffy didn't know what to say. She knew she would sound like a lunatic but she needed to tell her the truth. "I came home and that guy that I told you about was here and... he's a vampire Faith."

Faith had turned sheet white at the words Buffy was saying.

"I woke up in bed but I passed out against my hallway wall and... the last thing I heard him say before I blacked out was... Slayer."

Faith's eyes widened and she stood up pacing the room and started fidgeting uncontrollably.

Buffy noticed Faith's attitude and suddenly became very intrigued.

"Faith? What's wrong?"

Faith looked back at Buffy and swallowed hard.

"Buffy, this guy... what was his name again?"

"Spike."

At that Faith ran her fingers through her hair now looking more desperate than ever.

Suddenly her whole demeanor changed and she perked up. "Well let's do this, I'll come by first thing tomorrow and we'll change your locks ok? If anything else happens we'll file charges. Sound good?"

Buffy nodded. Having Faith around always made her feel safer.

"Thanks Faith I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night B." Faith waved goodbye and walked out knowing that things had really complicated themselves now.

****************************

As Faith made her way down the apartment building she stopped at the lobby when she sensed him.

Her senses were never wrong and she knew he was here. Suddenly she grabbed an arm behind her and flipped him over her shoulder.

"Spike. You're not dead." As she glared down at the vampire he growled low in his throat and got himself up.

"I wanna know what the bleeding hell is going on here?!" Spike barked.

"Look Spike she's happy ok? She thought you were dead. We all did." Faith tried to reason with him but Spike would have none of it.

"Don't fuck with me Faith. She has no bloody clue who I am! Why doesn't she remember me?!" Spike was livid at this point. He'd finally found Buffy only to discover she had no recollection of him. He'd heard rumors about it but he never thought they'd be true. Yet when he saved her from the Angel-looking ponce that night he had seen that she truly did not know him in her eyes.

Desperate for answers now, Spike slammed Faith up against the nearest wall.

"Listen you bloody bint, you are going to tell me what you did to her. She doesn't even know she's a slayer does she? What did you do? How did you make her forget?" Spike stared at Faith near tears.

"Undo it Slayer!"

"I can't!" Faith yelled. "I can't undo it Spike because it wasn't my choice. I'm just here to look after her without her knowing it she doesn't even remember me. Not the real me anyway."

"What in the bloody hell are you trying to say girl?" Spike all but growled.

"I'm saying that she chose this. She chose to forget everything."

At her words Spike let Faith go astonished by her comment. Why would Buffy ever choose to give up life as she knew it?

Faith continued explaining hoping that doing so would calm Spike down.

"After the big battle with the First, Buffy was fine for a while but then she felt her life becoming unbearable. She was depressed every day. She was barely eating. The pain was just too much for her."

Spike thought of asking Faith what had caused his Slayer so much pain but decided to let her finish her tale.

"So... she went to the PTB. Started in on them saying that she was through with being their puppet that there were millions of slayer in the world now. That she wanted to have a life without the pain." Faith's expression became somber as she continued.

"So they replaced all her real memories with new ones. The made me her childhood friend in these new memories as a favor to Giles since he wanted someone to be able to keep an eye on her. They put some Angel look alike in her path same name and everything. Little did she know he was going to be an ass. They changed everything for her but at the same time left little traces of her old life like me and the resemblance her ex had to Angel. They did this so the change wouldn't be too odd for her. I mean, even if you have your memory wiped your life can't be too perfect or too different ya know? If it is it all starts falling apart."

Spike couldn't hold back anymore.

"Why?"

"What?" Faith looked at him confused.

"Why did she erase her past?"

Faith just looked at him in disbelief. "You must be joking. Spike she loved you and as far as she knew you were gone. The reason she was depressed every day, the reason why all of this happened... was because Buffy thought she had lost you and she couldn't take the pain."

Spike dropped to his knees as the tears slowly crept down his face.

"What can I do?" He asked.

Faith looked at him with an honest sigh. "I think she needs to know the truth."

Making up his mind Spike got up, turned around, and walked out of the building knowing what he must do.

Tomorrow everything would change.

As Buffy sat in her bed she wondered why Faith had reacted the way she did but all of these thoughts were thrown away as sleep overcame her.

*************************

Buffy was having a very odd dream. She saw herself and Spike standing in an alleyway and wondered why she was dreaming about events that had never happened to her.

Spike was approaching her dream self and speaking in a cold and calculating tone.

"The only thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Everyday you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you. Is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know, what's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world. Your mum, brat kid sister, Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just puttin' off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second - the second that happens, you know I'll be there. I'll slip in. Have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did."

***********************

Buffy was confused not understanding what the vampire was talking about but before she had time to ponder about it she was moved to another scene in this theater play like dream.

She suddenly found herself in a basement looking place and saw herself chained up with Spike and a very odd woman in the room.

"I love you." Spike said.

"Oh, my god." Dream Buffy replied.

"Hey, no, look at me. I... love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you."

Buffy continued to watch the situation play before her eyes as new questions flooded her.

"Just give me something, a crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday, there's a chance."


Dream Buffy looked at Spike with disdain. "Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious."

******************

The images kept coming. Buffy dying then coming back. Her encounters with Spike, it was almost too much.

She now found herself in a torn down house watching Spike fight her.

"Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love."


Dream Buffy retorted incredulously. "Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot. Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes."


Spike seemed as if she was cutting him more and more by the minute. Emotionally anyway.

"I'm in love with you." He said through gritted teeth.


"You're in love with pain." Buffy all but yelled. "Admit it. You like me because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?"
Spike had had enough and grabbed dream Buffy roughly by her collar. "Hello. Vampire. I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?"

***************************

Buffy kept on tossing and turning in bed not being able to understand what was happening.

***************************

She saw herself having mind blowing sex with Spike over and over again until she could barely stand. She saw how she used him without regard and it hurt her.

Then the images of what had apparently been their break-up arrived.

***************************

"It's over." She watched herself say.


"I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want." Spike stared at her with intensity.


"I know that." Dream Buffy admitted. "I do want you. Being with you... makes things... simpler. For a little while."


"I don't call five hours straight a little while." Spike scoffed.


"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just... being weak, and selfish..."


"Really not complaining here." Spike said with a small smile.


"and it's killing me." She finished. "I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry William."

With that Buffy watched herself walk away from a confused and heartbroken vampire.

*************************

Suddenly Buffy was in a church with herself and Spike. She didn't know when these flashes were going to end but she did know that they were showing her things that she felt had been hidden from her before and she was determined to find out as much as she could.

"This is all you get." She heard herself saying. "I'm listening. Tell me what happened."


"I tried to find it of course." Spike said.


"Find what?" Dream Buffy asked confused.


"The spark." Spike replied. "The missing - the piece, that fit. That made me fit because you didn't want- I can't. Not with you looking. I dreamed of killing you. I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak? Thinking of you? Hauling myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your- ending. Angel, he should've warned me. Makes a good show of forgetting, but, it's here. In me. All the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn."


"Your soul." She said with tears in her eyes.


"Bit worse for lack of use." Spike said somberly.

"You got your soul back. How?" She asked desperately.


"It's what you wanted, right? It's-It's what *you* wanted, right?" Spike all but yelled looking at the ceiling. "And-and now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I- and him. And it. The other... the thing... beneath... beneath you. It's here, too. Everybody... they all just tell me go. Go... to hell.


"Why? Why would you do that?" Dream Buffy asked with tears streaming down her face.


"Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev- To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?" Spike all but sobbed while he whispered.

************************

Buffy was crying in her sleep from the things happening in front of her. Little did she know the most sad and revealing dream was yet to come.

************************

She now found herself watching herself and Spike once again but this time he was kneeling in front of her and they were in a quiet room.


"I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you - it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your kindness, and your strength, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

Hearing Spike's words both she and dream Buffy began crying. Yet this was short lived as out of nowhere Buffy was ripped from the scene before her eyes and put in a crumbling cave with dozens of other girls. There were vampires everywhere and Faith was there.

Suddenly Buffy heard her name being called by a familiar voice and turned to watch herself run to Spike.


"Buffy!" Spike yelled.

"Spike!" Buffy yelled back as a bright light started emanating from him.

Spike looked at her amazed. "I can feel it, Buffy."

"What?" Buffy asked with tears in her eyes.

"My soul." Spike looked at her in awe. "It's really there. Kind of stings." He said half jokingly trying to lighten the mood of the situation.

As the walls started to crumble around them Spike hurried dream Buffy. "Go on, then." He said.

Buffy would not listen shaking her head. "No. No, you've done enough. You could still—"

Yet Spike cut her off. "No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup."

Buffy saw Faith yelling at her. "Buffy come on!" Faith said. Yet she saw herself refuse to move.

Spike looked at her still trying to make her realize what had to be done.

"Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer." He said with a sad smile.

Dream Buffy looked at him not wanting to let go. "Spike!"

"I mean it! I gotta do this." He growled out as he held out his hand to stop her.

At this Buffy saw herself interlace her fingers with Spike and what she saw made her stare in awe. Their fingers were locked around each other's fingers and their joined hands burst into flames. It was the most beautiful thing Buffy had ever seen.


She then saw herself look deep into Spike's eyes. "I love you." She said with tears in her eyes and a smile.

"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it." Spike said.

************************

Buffy shot up in her bed. The tears coming down her face unstoppable and her cries of anguish uncontrollable. As Buffy shook there was only one thought crossing her mind as she whispered it.

"William."

Buffy dressed herself in a frenzy knowing one thing and one thing only... she needed to find Spike.

It was 5 in the afternoon and she had no idea where he was but she knew someone who might.

**************************

Faith opened her door to find a very pissed off Slayer on her hands.

"Hey B." She said trying to act natural.

Buffy growled and threw her up against a wall. "What the hell is going on?"

Faith shoved Buffy off. "You know I'm getting really sick of getting shoved up against walls!"

Buffy tried to even her breathing. "I had all these flashes last night o-or dreams I'm not sure." She looked at Faith expectantly. "Faith, am I a Slayer? Are those memories real?"

Faith looked at Buffy and sighed nodding her head.

Buffy sunk on the couch, tears threatening to spill. "I- I don't understand. Why don't I remember?"

***********************

The last hour had been spent talking about what had happened and now Buffy was on edge.

"Faith, I- I need to see him. I just... he's alive and I need to see him. Please tell me where he is." Buffy pleaded.

"Look B, I don't know where he is but don't worry, I'm pretty sure he plans on coming to you soon. Look, why don't you take the night off and just relax?"

Buffy sighed at that. "Yeah that's probably a good idea. I'll see you later." With that Buffy took off hoping to see Spike very soon.

************************

Spike sat waiting outside Buffy's apartment building for her return. He'd wanted to go in like he had last time but without an invitation last time he had had to call a friend and ask for the special favor and he didn't want to have to do that again.

This time, he would have to wait outside for her to arrive.

Suddenly he was ripped from his thoughts as her scent filled him. She was near, he knew. As he noticed this she walked up to the main gate and he watched as she made her way up to her flat.

Spike readied himself. It was time.

**************************

Buffy had felt as though she was being watched when she arrived her building so she rushed to her apartment and locked the door behind her. She was breathing heavily now with the anticipation of what might happen when she heard a knock on her door.

As the knocks kept on coming she stood there staring at the door wondering if she was ready for this. She finally made up her mind and opened the door.

As it swung open azure clashed with jade and neither her nor Spike could look away.

"Come in." She whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

As the door closed behind him Spike never once looked away from Buffy's eyes. They were now both standing less than a foot away from each other and breathing heavily.

Then suddenly their lips met with an indescribable intensity. Tongues probed and caressed as they explored each other like it was the first time.

Spike lifted Buffy and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he led them to the bed.

When Buffy finally pulled away to breathe she saw Spike looking at her as if she was a goddess.

"Buffy... " he all but growled. "Slayer." He couldn't hold back and slammed his lips to hers once more. He had wanted to make this night different but now as they moaned in each other's arms there was an intense need to take and consume that neither could explain.

Spike ripped off her blouse and pants as he laid her on the bed now leaving her in only her undergarments. As he proceeded to take off his shirt he noticed Buffy staring at him.

"Buffy?" He asked uncertainly.

She smiled at him. "You're beautiful." She whispered. "Spike... touch me."

Spike swallowed hard at her words. He had been waiting so long to be able to come back to her and now he had her. He slowly stripped his pants and her undergarments. As his body covered hers on the bed he heard her gasp. He looked at her for final approval and when she nodded her head in permission he slammed into her to the hilt.

Buffy gasped his name at the sensation. As he slowly started a rhythm within her she grabbed his face in her palms and looked deep into his eyes.

"I love you William." She whispered.

Spike stopped abruptly. The tears threatening to fall.

"Y- You remember?" He asked in a choked up voice.

"After you left I spent all night dreaming. Except it wasn't a dream, it was memories of us. I need you to know... you didn't believe me and I need you to know." She all but cried.

Spike looked at her in amazement. His girl was back... she was really back and he would never let her go again.

"Buffy, I know." He whispered as he looked deep into her eyes. "I love you too kitten." He said affectionately.

"Oh, Spike." She moaned as he started to move within her once again.

They moved at an excruciating pace neither wanting the moment to be over so quickly. As Buffy lifted her hips to meet Spike thrust for thrust she felt herself coming closer to the bliss she so desperately sought. Both of them were busy nibbling, licking, biting, scratching.

"My girl. My Slayer. Never letting you go again luv. I want you to be mine." He almost growled possessively.

"I want to be yours Spike... I want to be yours forever." Buffy moaned.

Spike's head jerked up and he scanned her face trying to see what she was thinking. He was prepared for anything but what she did next.

Buffy ran her tongue over the most sensitive part of Spike's neck eliciting a growl from him and bit down as hard as she could and watched the blood flow into her mouth.

"Mine." She purred.

"Yours." He moaned. Spike at her actions couldn't hold his demon at bay and sunk his teeth into her neck. "Mine." He growled.

"Yours baby always yours." Buffy whispered into his ear. At this Buffy felt her inner walls start to tremble as Spike slammed into her harder than ever.

"Oh... god Spike!" She moaned.

"That's it my girl. Let it go Buffy. You're mine now forever. I'm never letting you go. Wanna please you, wanna fuck you raw until you scream my name. Come on baby let me feel your sweet pussy cum around my cock. Cum for Spike."

At his words Buffy felt herself go over there edge as her orgasm slammed violently into her. His name tearing off her lips in a scream as Spike went over the edge himself from the feel of her walls hugging him so tightly.

As the both started to come down Spike rolled them to their side and stroked Buffy's cheek. Soon sleep had taken them both over and they were resting to prepare for the first day of the rest of their lives.

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