As she made her way home from the fruitless investigation at the train station, Buffy remembered the conversation with Dawn she'd had while escorting her home from Spike's crypt...

Earlier...

Buffy crossed her arms, realizing what was going on. "You have a crush on him."

"No, I don't!" Dawn protested. "It's just," she giggled, looking bashful, "he's got cool hair, and he wears cool leather coats and stuff." A moment later, she stopped smiling and became serious. "And he doesn't treat me like an alien."

"He's a killer, Dawn. You cannot have a crush on a thing that's... dead, and... and evil, and a vampire."

"Right," Dawn said smugly, "that's why you were never with Angel for three years."

Buffy swallowed, then said in a quiet voice, "Angel's different. He has a soul."

Dawn shrugged, unfazed. "Spike has a chip. Same diff."

Buffy turned away, gesturing angrily. "I-I can't listen to this!" She sighed and turned back. "Spike is a monster, okay? A-and plus, you are only fourteen years old."

"I like hanging out with him, is all. And even if I did have a crush, he wouldn't notice in a million years... Not with you around."

Buffy frowned. "What's that mean?"

"Spike's totally into you."

Buffy was speechless. She blinked at Dawn, not able to comprehend what her sister was saying.

"Oh, come on." Dawn rolled her eyes. "You didn't notice? Buffy, Spike is completely in love with you."


Back in the present...

That last sentence echoed in Buffy's mind: Buffy, Spike is completely in love with you-ooo-ooo-ooo...

How could it be true? Spike had a thing for her? Spike?! He hated her, he'd tried to kill her numerous times, his favorite hobby was making Buffy's life miserable. How could he possibly be in love, or even in lust, with her?

Buffy would never go down the vampire boyfriend path again, especially not with Spike. Okay... he was gorgeous. That, she'd noticed and couldn't deny to herself. But he was also evil and undead. Although, he'd been helping her out lately, and he was awfully nice to Dawn and her mom...

"No," Buffy said out loud, shaking her head. "Absolutely not. It's stupid and... and creepy, and wrong. It's a truckload of stupid, creepy, and wrong."

What Spike felt for her (if anything) had to be some kind of bizarre crush or fixation. Leave it to him to be twisted enough to have inappropriate feelings for his natural enemy. It was like a snake falling in love with a mongoose... or was it a mongoose falling in love with a snake? She wasn't sure who was who in that analogy. Whatever it was that Spike felt, it surely wasn't love. Soulless vampires couldn't love (or so she'd convinced herself during Angelus' reign of terror); they just weren't capable of it. Spike had seemed to love Dru... but that was just some weird loyalty or Sire thing. Not real love.

Maybe Dawn was mistaken. Maybe her sister had just gotten the wrong impression and Spike wasn't in anything with her. After all, Dawn was just a child, what did she know about love?

Buffy was very nervous about seeing Spike after what Dawn had told her. She was afraid to have the subject of his feelings for her confirmed... or denied.

There was a little piece of her that was super-secretly thrilled to think that Spike was enamored with her. That piece of her recalled how extraordinary his kisses and touches had been when they'd been 'engaged'. That piece of her still wanted him. After getting dumped by Riley, it felt so good to be desired by a man as handsome, sexy, and strong as Spike -- even if he was a vampire. And what did that say about Buffy? That the only males who found her irresistible were of the undead variety, and that at least part of her enjoyed the attention...

But the bigger portion of her mind knew how wrong it was. Just plain wrong. It disgusted and scared the resolute Slayer part of her psyche. Any feelings or warm thoughts for or about Spike were strictly forbidden -- and swiftly buried when they did occur. In another time, another place, and minus the evil, she could have fallen for Spike. But he was who and what he was, and she was who and what she was, so there wasn't any chance of anything romantic happening between them. Ever. Never-ever.

---

Buffy was relieved when she finally entered her house. She'd had too long to ponder Spike and his possible squishy feelings for her, it was making her crazy. A conversation with other human beings would help chase away those thoughts, fears (and feelings) about that pain-in-the-ass, bleached blond vampire.

Joyce came into the foyer from the kitchen when she heard Buffy come in.

"Hey, Mom," Buffy said with a wan smile as she hung up her jacket.

"Hi, honey. Any luck at the train station?" Joyce asked.

Buffy frowned and shook her head. "No, the cops seemed to have actually done a thorough job for once. There wasn't any kind of evidence left behind by the time Xander and I got there."

She sighed. "I hope one of you finds some clues soon, before someone else gets hurt, or worse. Maybe he'll have better luck."

"He? You mean Xander?"

"I meant Spike. He was here earlier," Joyce said off-handedly as she walked into the kitchen. "He said he was going to go digging for clues. I hope he didn't mean that literally."

Buffy's eyes widened; she gulped and followed her mother into the kitchen. "Huh?"

"I said, Spike was here. He just stopped by to see how we were and apologize about Dawn going to his place after school -- our missing child drama. Wasn't that nice?"

"Uh... yeah. When did he leave?"

"About a half hour ago. I was telling him this funny story about --"

Buffy was getting panicky again. "Mom, why were you hanging out with Spike? First Dawn, and now you?!"
"Dawn was here too. Buffy, what's bothering you?"

"Spike! Spike's bothering me! I don't want him getting cozy in my house and being buddies with my mom and little sister, okay? Is that so hard to understand?!"

Joyce frowned and looked at her anxiously. "Did something happen that I should know about?"

"N-no..." Buffy looked down at her shoes.

"Buffy," Joyce said, giving her the 'Mom Look'.

She sighed. "Nothing technically happened... Dawn told me that Spike's... in love with me."

Joyce raised her eyebrows. "Oh my... is it true?"

"I-I don't know. I'm afraid it could be true."

"How do you feel about him?"

"I hate him! He... makes me sick."

"And that's all?" Joyce asked doubtfully. Not that she'd encourage her daughter to pursue another relationship with a vampire, but Joyce suspected that Buffy had feelings for Spike that went beyond being adversaries or reluctant, occasional teammates. It wasn't healthy for anyone to repress their feelings.

"Yes! That's all."

"Buffy..." Joyce tried to think of how to phrase what she wanted to say. "You do know that it's okay for you to feel something for someone who might be totally wrong for you, don't you? It happens all the time, we --"

"No! No feelings!" Buffy shook her head rapidly. "Spike is sickening and disgusting; I could never feel anything for him."

Joyce could see that Buffy was protesting far too much, and far too vehemently. "But he has been helpful lately. He wants to help protect Dawn from Glory. He even helped you fight her at the hospital, and he didn't have to do that. That's admirable, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Buffy scoffed, "he got hit once and was out like a light for the rest of the fight. He was a big help; I'm sure Glory is shaking in her Manolo Blahniks. And it's so not fair that someone that evil owns shoes that awesome... Yet another reason for me to hate that bitch."

"Spike still tried to help, though. That counts for something. Would you be discounting Willow or Xander's help if they'd been hurt and taken out of a fight early?"

Buffy had the decency to feel a bit guilty. Her mom was right -- it wasn't fair of her to totally disregard what Spike had tried to do. 'Damn her infernal Mom Logic!' she thought.

"Y-yeah, okay, he's helped... but that doesn't mean I want to date him! Spike's annoying and rude and... stupid," Buffy finished with a pout.

Joyce sighed. Her daughter wasn't in the state of mind to do any serious introspection or admit any deep-dark secrets at the moment, so Joyce would back off. "Then I suppose you should talk to him about it, and if it turns out that he does have feelings for you, you have to let him down gently."

Buffy's eyes widened, the thought of being face-to-face with him petrified her. "I can't! What if he says it's true?" Buffy put a hand over her eyes and groaned. "Oh God, I can't deal with this... Why is this happening? You think Spike's just going to let it go just because I tell him he doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell? This is the guy who's historically known for never stopping until he gets what he wants. He's also infamous for killing Slayers, and torturing people with railroad spikes..."

"Well, he can't hurt you, not with the chip." If it weren't for the chip, Joyce would think twice about encouraging Buffy to talk to Spike. Joyce liked him, she could see there was a good guy under that tough vampire exterior, but he was still a vampire. It was like someone keeping a Bengal tiger as a pet -- the tiger might be gentle and love its owner, but it was still a wild animal at heart, capable of... of well, going wild at the drop of a hat. But Joyce was confident that no harm would come to her daughter, at least not at Spike's hands.

"You need to tell him that it's not going to happen, Buffy. It's the right thing to do. But... try to be nice, okay? Spike's a very emotional and surprisingly sensitive guy. When that terrible Drusilla woman broke up with him he was a mess. It still hurts to be rejected, whether you're a human or a vampire."

"I just know he'll be following me around forever... Unless I stake him..." Buffy looked up in thought.

"Buffy, you can't just stake someone because you don't like that they have feelings for you."

"Sure I can! If that someone happens to be a vampire, I'm allowed to and it's totally within my rights to dust them. In fact, it's my sacred duty!" Buffy said, seeing a ray of hope that there was a quick and easy way out of this dilemma.

Buffy groaned and slumped at her mother's reprimanding look. "Okay, I won't stake him... geez. I wasn't serious..." Though that would be a very easy solution.

Joyce gave Buffy a hug. "I know you'll do the right thing. You always do."

---

Spike's plans had changed rather abruptly.

He'd been chatting with Dawn and Joyce while waiting for Buffy to get home. His need to be near the Slayer was getting stronger by the day -- he didn't know how he would be able to hide his love for her much longer.

When he'd been casually asking around for info on the train slayings, Spike had heard about some vamps living in an abandoned building in town. Though he didn't think those were the actual vampires Buffy was looking for, he saw an opportunity to go on a stakeout with her -- some alone-time in his car, just the two of them. Maybe doing more things like that would make Buffy think of him differently...

But Spike came to the conclusion that taking Buffy on a wild goose chase was a bad idea. He was thinking with his heart and not his head -- not the big head, anyway. If he buckled down and really investigated the killings, perhaps he could find the real baddie or baddies, and then he could go to Buffy with solid information. She would have to be impressed with him then... right?

So, with that goal in mind, Spike gave Joyce and Dawn his apologies, told them he had some detective work to do, and then he set off for the demon bars again. He'd be thorough this time and leave no stone unturned until he got a reliable lead.


Spike did some thinking as he drove to Willy's bar. His life had been so simple once... Everything used to be either black or white. But now, everything was drowning in sodding shades of gray. In his glory days, if he wanted something, he took it. If he was hungry, he'd have himself a happy meal. If someone pissed him off or disrespected him, he'd snap their necks. But now he had to think before he took any action or said a word -- although he still rarely made the right choice in what he said and did. Too impulsive for his own good, he was.

Everything Spike thought about doing had to be measured by what she would think. Would Buffy be angry or sad? Would she be (dare he think it) happy, would she smile at him if he made a right choice or helped someone? Having no soul, Spike didn't know if what he thought was a correct response was actually considered acceptable behavior in civilized human society. It was maddening.

But Spike knew he had it within himself to be the kind of man Buffy deserved. He still had traces of William inside him, he just needed to learn how to tap back into that part of his psyche. It wasn't easy; Spike had shut down and buried his old self long ago out of necessity. The only quality about William he'd purposely not fought was his ability to love a woman completely and unconditionally. He really regretted being blessed/cursed with that quality sometimes, but like it or not, he was stuck with it.

He scanned the crowd as he entered Willy's bar.

The place was packed tonight, even more so than it had been earlier. His odds of finding someone who knew something were better with more demons to question. Spike got some dirty looks as he walked to the bar. He was used to that; the demon community looked down on him because of his association with Buffy. He didn't let that bother him though. He met the unkind stares with steely eyes and a sneer, with the occasional backwards peace sign thrown in for good measure.

Spike smiled when he saw his friend Clem (the only demon in town he could trust even a little bit) playing darts alone. He went to the bar to get a couple beers, and then walked over to Clem.

"Can I join you, or are you just gonna play with yourself all night?" Spike asked with a smirk.

"Oh hey, Spike," Clem greeted him. He stood at the line and tried lining up his next shot. "I'm just practicing. But you can practice too." He looked at Spike. "It's just practice, understand? I'm not betting anything."

"Want a frosty one?" Spike asked, holding out one of the beer bottles.

"Hell yeah, beer me." Clem took the proffered beer.

"You still owe me a Siamese or two from last week's poker game." Spike took a swig of beer.

"Yeah, I know, but I shouldn't have to pay you. You were cheating your tight-skinned ass off."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "And you weren't cheating? I know you hide cards in the folds of skin on your arms."

Clem acted indignant. "How dare you suggest that I..." He sighed and his shoulders slumped as he quickly dropped the act. "Yeah, okay, I did. And I still lost somehow. Don't go around telling people about the cards in the skin-folds thing."

"Wouldn't dream of tattling on you, mate. How 'bout this: we'll call it even if you can give me some information."

"About what?" Clem focused back on the dartboard.

"You hear about the train of dead bodies that rolled into town?"

"Yeah, sure. Everybody's heard about that."

"You know who done it?"

"Nope." Clem threw a dart, missing the center. He growled and readied his next attempt at a bullseye. "I never did get the hang of this game."

"You're holding your wrist too limp. Try firmin' it up, but don't hold it too rigid," Spike suggested.

Clem tried following Spike's instructions, but his next shot wasn't any better than the last.

"Here, I'll show ya." Spike took a dart from Clem and faced the board. He cracked his neck from side to side, and then threw his dart -- hitting the bullseye dead-center. Spike smirked. "And that is how it's done, mate."

"You suck," Clem grumbled as he elbowed Spike out of the way. "Nobody likes a showoff."

"I'm English, darts are in the genes." Spike stepped aside and sipped his beer as he watched Clem continue to struggle to make a good throw. He chuckled. "This is bleedin' tragic."

"Shut up. My claws interfere with my throws -- that's the problem," Clem said, trying to save face.

"Why don't you trim the bloody things then?"

"'Cause chicks dig the claws, man, that's why."

Spike laughed. "Ah, the price you pay for bein' beautiful." He got back to the main reason for his visit. "So, you don't know anything 'bout those recent murders?"

Clem tensed ever-so-slightly. Anyone else might not have noticed it, but Spike did. "Nope."

"You can't bluff me, I know when you've got a better hand than you're lettin' on."

"Come on, Spike... you know it ain't smart to poke your nose in other people's business. The last thing I need is someone powerful and vicious gunning for me."

"I reckon the Slayer's gonna come 'round to ask questions and do some pokin' of her own sooner or later. Wouldn't you like to tell me over a friendly practice game of darts? Or would you rather she beats the shit out of you for the info?"

"You're very persuasive..." Clem said with a sigh. He didn't want to be on the wrong side of the Slayer. He knew Spike wasn't bluffing about that -- the Slayer would come looking for someone who knew anything about the murders on the train. And the Slayer was known to enjoy extracting information with her fists. "Okay, I'll tell you what I heard and then you make sure to tell the Slayer I played ball -- and we'll still be square for the kittens I owe you, too?"

Spike nodded.

"Keep in mind that I don't know this stuff firsthand, it's just bits and pieces of things I overheard."

"Yeah, got it. What did you hear?"

"There's a big-time vamp throwing their weight around. Could be more than one of them, I don't know for sure."

"And they just got into town?"

"Yep. Someone said something about one of them being a girl with burns on her face."

Spike's brows knit. "Burns from what?"

Clem shrugged.

Spike ran all the older or more ambitious vampires he knew about through his mind, but there were too many possibilities to narrow it down yet. The possibility that it could be Drusilla never entered his mind -- she would never come back to Sunnydale, she hated this town with a passion. And Spike didn't think she'd go out of her way just to see him again -- Dru had made her feelings (or the lack of them) clear the last time they'd talked. "Anything else?"

"Just that the vampire or vampires in question are looking to build up a gang... and that they're staying in a mansion somewhere in town."

"You know a lot more than you first let on, Clem."

"I told ya, I don't really know anything. All that stuff I told you could be wrong. You know how people like to gossip about things they have no actual knowledge about."

"Well, what did you think of the blokes you heard it from? Think they knew what they were talkin' about or just blowing smoke?"

Clem paused to consider the question, then nodded. "I think they were telling the truth as they knew it. But they could've heard it through the grapevine too. Whoever it is that did those killings, they're big and bad enough to get everyone nervous."

Spike had something to go on now, and he had a hunch that at least some of the gossip would prove to be true. Clem said the culprits had moved into a mansion, and there weren't a lot of those in Sunnydale; that would be a good place to start his investigation. "I got some legwork to do. Thanks for the info, Clem. Have a few pints on me." Spike took $10 from his pocket and then tucked it into a fold of skin on Clem's arm.

Clem smiled. "Thanks. Hey, before you go, can I ask you something?"

Spike raised his brows, then shrugged. "Yeah?"

Clem leaned in so as not to be overheard. "What's the deal with you and the Slayer?"

Spike pursed his lips. "There's no deal."

"Are you like her wisecracking vampire sidekick or somethin'?"

Spike growled. "No! I'm nobody's bloody sidekick!" He looked around, hoping no one was eavesdropping.

"Do you like her?" Clem teased.

Spike had to make an effort to keep his voice down. "'Course not! I just do what I do to... stay on her good side, y'know? Make the bitch think I'm housetrained." Spike sniffed and squared his shoulders. "If I didn't have the bloody chip in my brain, the Slayer would be six feet under by now. And once I figure out how to get rid of the chip, the Slayer's ass is mine." Though not in the way Spike wished her ass would belong to him.

"Yeah... I knew it couldn't be that you had the hots for her. I mean, she's one of the ugliest things I've ever seen."

Spike bit his tongue and hid his true feelings on Buffy's appearance as best he could. "Mmmhmm."

"That hideous mug of hers is the stuff of nightmares, I tell ya. And that body -- eugh!" Clem stuck out his tongue and shuddered with revulsion. "She's all out of proportion. And I've seen better heads of hair on scarecrows; it's all brittle-looking and --"

Spike couldn't hold back. He shoved Clem's shoulder and growled, "Eh! That's enough! Shut your bloody mouth 'fore I --"

"Aha!" Clem said haughtily, pointing a clawed finger at Spike. "You do like her. I knew it!"

Spike closed his eyes and groaned. "So I have... a physical attraction to the bint, so what? Doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of birds in this town I wouldn't mind havin' a go at, not just her."

"You didn't like me talkin' smack on your girlfriend." Clem laughed.

"She's not my bloody girlfriend."

"But... you'd like it if she was, right?"

Spike took in and then let out a calming breath. "Clem, you're one of the very few people in this world that I actually like, so I'll give you fair warning: if you keep talkin' like that and askin' me questions about her, I'm gonna string you up by your extra skin, get me a Louisville Slugger, and make like you're a bloody piñata."

Clem held his hands up. "Geez, okay, Mr. Touchy! I'll shut up. I just wanted to know what the deal was."

"You know better than to go spreadin' that around, don't you?" Spike asked, arching an eyebrow.

"You keep my 'Aces tucked into my skin folds' secret, and I'll keep your 'liking that ugly, skinny Slayer' secret." At Spike's menacing look and growl, Clem laughed nervously. "Hey, kidding! It's called having a sense of humor, you should look into it."

---

Before she left for Spike's crypt, Buffy called Willow and filled her in on Spike's alleged feelings for her, and asked her friend to come by to put a dis-invite on the house... just in case Dawn was right. It was a good idea even if Spike still had nothing but loathing for her. Buffy didn't like the fact that he was now just dropping in and chatting with her family. As if they were some kind of... talking buddies.

She put her jacket back on and trudged all the way to the cemetery. Buffy was so not looking forward to this...

She rehearsed several different speeches on the way. None of them sounded good. First, she'd have to determine whether or not Spike really had feelings for her, and then (if he did) she'd have to 'let him down gently', as her mom had put it. Gently, but firmly. Spike had to understand and accept that they could never have a romantic relationship.

Whatever Spike felt for her, it wasn't love, she told herself again. Vampires (of the soulless variety) weren't capable of loving anyone or anything. Spike just has a weird fixation with her because she's the Slayer. And he couldn't fight her with the chip in his head, so now he wanted to... He was completely delusional if he thought there was any chance she'd go to bed with him.

Buffy couldn't just ask him straight-out if he liked her. If it turned out Dawn was wrong, Spike would laugh his ass off and tease Buffy mercilessly. And he'd probably go on to list all of the things about her that he found unattractive, and she definitely didn't want to hear that, not with her self-esteem being trashed from getting dumped so recently. She'd have to be tricky and make him admit how he felt without asking him directly.

Buffy stopped outside his crypt and took a deep breath. "Why can't there be an apocalypse to avert right now? Here goes nothin'..."

She uncharacteristically knocked on the crypt door instead of storming in like she usually did. When she didn't get an answer, Buffy opened the door and cautiously stepped inside. The place was empty.

"Great, he's not home... Probably out at the demon bars. I'll wait for a few minutes."

Buffy sat down on a sarcophagus. She looked around nervously, her hands joined in her lap. He could be gone for hours, and she sure as hell didn't want to sit here waiting for him any longer than necessary.

She wondered why Spike would choose to live in a gross place like this. Yeah, he didn't have a whole lot of options since he was penniless, but he could find an abandoned house somewhere if he tried. There were always vacant houses available in Sunnydale, what with so many people 'disappearing' all the time. The crypt didn't even have a bed.

A thought flitted through her mind, 'Where do Spike and Harmony do it? On a hard, stone sarcophagus?' She looked down at the sarcophagus she was sitting on.

Buffy hopped up to her feet. "Ewww." She brushed off the seat of her pants. "Standing is good. I'll stand and wait."

The thought of Spike and Harmony screwing was sickening. But then... Buffy couldn't help picturing Spike in the nude. Spike... all naked and glistening with sweat. His hard muscles bulging and straining with effort as he made love to the blonde woman (who wasn't Harmony) beneath him. The blonde woman was starting to look suspiciously like the person Buffy saw in the mirror every day... Certain parts of her traitorous anatomy began to tingle with excitement.

"Oh God, what's wrong with me?! No, no, no! No thinking about him like... that!" Buffy shook her head and hands rapidly, trying to shake the impure thoughts and images loose.

She tried to explain away why she'd had a teensy little mini-fantasy about having sex with Spike. 'It's just because I've been hornier than usual, that's all. No action lately. And, according to Dawn, he's interested in me; he thinks I'm hot. And Spike's just so... sexual.'

After she took some calming breaths and composed herself, she said aloud, "Okay, new plan: I'll patrol, and then check back here before I head for home. I'm not being avoidy... I came here and everything. Not my fault he's out for the evening." Buffy wanted to put off having that talk with Spike for as long as possible, and she needed to get out of the crypt before any more crazy daydreams popped into her head.

She opened the crypt door and gasped when she nearly ran into someone.

Drusilla was smiling, her hands behind her back. "Hello, Slayer. Surprised to see me?"

Buffy took a few steps backwards, she was indeed startled to see Spike's ex. Dru was one of the last people she would've expected to see on the other side of the door. "What are you doing back in town?"

"I've got my reasons... which I'll tell you about very soon. I think you'll find it all quite interesting."

Buffy pushed past the shock and confusion and went into Slayer Mode. She reached into her jacket and produced a stake. She glared at Dru and raised the stake to chest-height. "Unfortunately for you, I'm not feeling chatty. We have a score to settle. You never should have come back, bitch."

Dru's smile expanded, she batted her eyelashes. "Oh heavens, you aren't going to stake me, are you? Whatever will I do?"

Buffy lunged at her, intending to finally put Drusilla out of her misery -- out of everyone's misery.

Drusilla's expression changed from amused to grave. She quickly brought her right hand out from behind her back, the hand which was holding a cattle prod, and thrust it at Buffy's chest.

Buffy didn't know what had happened. One moment she was about to plunge the stake through Dru's heart, and the next moment she felt like she was being electrocuted.

Buffy's body jittered and shook in the grips of the shock. When Dru took the cattle prod away, Buffy fell to the ground, still shaking and barely conscious. She clenched her teeth and looked up at the once again smiling vampiress. Buffy couldn't move, she couldn't even speak.

"Naughty, naughty," Dru said in a disapproving tone, brushing her left index finger across the top of the right and towards Buffy in the classic 'shame on you' gesture. She kicked the stake from Buffy's twitching hand, making the piece of wood skitter across the floor. Then she bent over Buffy, saying, "You're not going to win this time, Slayer. It's time you were taught a lesson 'bout stealing what belongs to me. You'll finally get what's comin' to you."

With that, Dru smiled wickedly and struck Buffy with the cattle prod again, delivering shocks to the fallen Slayer until she lost consciousness.

Dru sighed happily as she stood up straight. A minion appeared behind her, standing just outside the crypt.

"Be a lamb, take her," Drusilla said over her shoulder. "And be quick about it. I don't want Spike finding out until everything's ready." She turned and patted the minion's face. "If you do well, you'll have ice cream later. With lots of sprinkles and fudge."

"Uh, cool," the minion she'd recruited as some muscle for her gang, Joshua, replied. He was tall and broad-shouldered, having played football at Sunnydale High back when he was mortal. Joshua was only a few months old and not terribly smart (either before or after his turning), but he wasn't so dumb that he didn't know what a great opportunity it would be to work for Drusilla when she'd breezed into town and started looking for 'helpers'; he'd jumped at the chance to be Dru's underling. The opportunity to work for a legendary Master vamp like her was an honor, he'd be getting invaluable on-the-job training and experience, and if he could help her kill the Slayer, so much the better! Plus, he thought Drusilla was hot, even with burns on her face and chest.

He picked up the unconscious Slayer, surprised at how light the girl was. It seemed weird that such a powerful creature like the Slayer was light as a feather. He waved another minion off that offered to help him carry the blonde. He effortlessly slung Buffy over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"Mistress..." Dru had told them to call her that. "How come you just don't kill her now? I mean, I saw enough movies to know that you gotta kill the enemy right away or they usually get free and come after you. Let's rip her neck out right now -- c'mon, it'll be fun!"

"You're questioning my methods?" Dru asked, her eyes flashing gold. She handed off the cattle prod to another minion standing by her side.

"I, uh, no... You're really smart. You know what you're doing, you probably have a great plan." He gulped, seeing his unlife flashing before his eyes.

Then Drusilla smiled again, making him relax slightly. "I do have a plan, dear. A good plan. I want to play with her a bit 'fore I snuff out her flame. The Slayer has earned a world of pain, not a quick, merciful exit. Now, hurry and take her to the van. Chop, chop." She clapped her hands sharply twice.

Dru led the way to the black van she had waiting outside the cemetery gates, skipping and giggling with glee. And then it was a speedy journey to the place where Buffy would spend her final hours.

Everything was falling into place. Buffy needed to be secured, and then Dru could focus on the other part of her plan, the reunion with Spike. After the dreadful mess with Angel in L.A., Drusilla realized that she needed to be with Spike; she'd been too shortsighted when she'd left him. She'd missed him so much and she still loved him, she'd never stopped loving or wanting him. No other man she'd been with could fulfill all her needs like Spike could. She had to have him back. She wanted their happy little family back together again. The mere thought filled her with unbridled joy: Grandmummy Darla, Sweet William, and Daddy Angelus with her again, making Dru's world complete and happy once more. It would be a dream come true if the four of them could kiss and make up.

Things had gone so horribly wrong the last time Dru was in Sunnydale. But Spike wasn't to blame for everything that had happened. It was Buffy -- she'd somehow bewitched Spike. Everything was Buffy's fault. And the Slayer would pay dearly for putting a wedge between Dru and her beautiful, darling Spike.

Spike ran back to his car and jumped inside, slamming the door closed behind him. He looked back the way he'd come, checking to see if he was being pursued. But, luckily, no one was following him.

"Bloody rich bastards and their guard dogs... Have to get a packet of hotdogs before goin' to the next house," he muttered. A few Dobermans had objected strongly to Spike sneaking around their masters' property and peering in windows.

His search of mansions hadn't turned up anything but ordinary humans (and some very brassed off dogs) so far. This neighborhood was clean as far as vampire activity was concerned. Time to move on to search the next area. And it was a good idea to make himself scarce around here, just in case one of the mansion owners noticed him lurking or the dogs barking and called the cops. There weren't too many mansions in town, but there were large houses that might qualify as mansions, thus, Spike had expanded his search to include those, as well. It was going to take a few days to check out all of them unless he got lucky and stumbled across the right one. His gut told him that Clem's info about the vamp/vamps being holed up in a mansion was correct, so he'd keep at it.

Spike started up the DeSoto and headed to his next destination. A small detour to the market to nick some hotdogs really would be a wise move before he continued his search.

He glanced at the big, fancy houses as he drove by them. An evil smirk curled up on his lips as he imagined himself coming back some night and robbing the rich wankers blind. But then his smile faded as he imagined what Buffy would say and do if she found out he'd robbed people's houses... She would be very displeased, to say the least. Well, there was also the little detail that he'd have to be invited into a home first before he could loot it. He couldn't just waltz into any house at random; the limitations that went along with being a vampire really sucked sometimes.

Nevertheless, robbing (even rich people, who had so much money that they could wipe their asses with it) was the sort of bad instinct Spike had to try curbing if he wanted to stay on Buffy's good side. He wanted to change, to be the kind of man the Slayer would...

Spike sighed, gripping the steering wheel tighter for a moment. The kind of man the Slayer would... what? Did he really think, in his wildest dreams, that Buffy would ever consider him a... Well, just consider him. No, Spike didn't really believe he could ever have a shot at being with Buffy. But, if he continued trying to better himself, helped protect the non-Slayer members of the Summers clan, and be there for Buffy when she needed him for anything... Then maybe they could have something. The odds of them ever being lovers were a million-to-one, but maybe a friendship based on mutual respect would be...

Spike grimaced and growled softly, hating the thought of having to settle for being 'talking buddies'. But... if that's all they could ever be... he'd take it. It would be wonderful (as well as a bloody miracle) if Buffy craved him as much as he craved her, but getting some respect and a smile now and then would be alright. Anything would be preferable to the woman he loved treating him like a leper. She always looked so annoyed when she saw him... Well, of course she's annoyed -- Buffy had wanted him gone from Sunnydale for ages.

"Things are gonna change," Spike said to himself as he drove. "I'll prove to her she can count on me. I'm not an ass, I'm an asset."

---

Buffy groaned as she came to. For a few moments she couldn't remember why she felt so sick and shaky. Then it came back to her, Drusilla had shocked her with a cattle prod. Her eyes snapped open and she looked around.

She appeared to be in the mansion on Crawford Street. The same place Angelus, Spike and Drusilla had once called home, and where Angel had made a much warmer, cozier home after he'd come back from Hell. There were lots of good and bad times spent in the mansion over the last few years.

Buffy quickly discovered that her wrists and ankles were shackled, she was chained in an archway facing the main room in which Acathla once stood.

"Oh goody, you're awake!" Dru said, coming into the room. "No more waiting."

"Let me go!" Buffy seethed.

"Oh, no, Slayer. You're just the way I want you."

"Did... Spike help you do this? Is he here?" Buffy didn't know why she should feel such... disappointment (and even hurt) that Spike could be involved in capturing her. She shouldn't be surprised that he'd try to kill her again once he had the means. Buffy had started thinking of him as being on her side, but maybe that had been a mistake. She'd begun to rely on him more lately to help protect Dawn, and she took for granted that he'd be available to lend a hand, should she need any additional help. She'd thought he genuinely cared about her family, at least a little. It seemed that Dawn was dead wrong about him being in love with her.

"Would it trouble you if Spike helped do this to you?" Dru asked, the corner of her mouth twitching into an almost smile.

"Where is he?" Buffy thought she had a better chance of reasoning with Spike than Dru. "Spike! Where are you?!" she called, looking to the doorways and hoping to see him emerge.

Drusilla laughed. "Don't waste your breath, he's not here, Slayer. Spike doesn't know about this yet, it's a surprise." She put a finger to her lips and said, "Shhh! Don't tell! He doesn't even know I'm back in Sunnydale yet. I'll go to him soon. I've got business with you first... So nice when we can combine business and pleasure, innit?"

Buffy was relieved that Spike wasn't involved in this. But that also meant that she had to deal with the insane and evil Drusilla alone. "Zapping me and chaining me up was all your idea, huh? I'm impressed, I thought all you could do on your own was dress your creepy dolls."

Dru looked at her with an evil glint in her eye. "I did in that other Slayer, didn't I? Did it all on my own, too. She didn't even fight once I got her under my spell, then it was so easy to slit her throat like the pig that she was. I do regret that I didn't have time to sink my teeth in and drain her dry." Dru sighed dramatically. "But I was on a tight schedule; Angel was very insistent that I make quick work of her and your other friends while he kept you busy."

Buffy rattled her chains, giving Dru a murderous glare. "Shut up, bitch!" Bringing up Angel's name and his role in that ugliness added insult to injury; Buffy hated even thinking about it.

"I'm going to kill you, Slayer. I'm going to finish what me and Spike started all those years ago. Put an end to you and your wicked ways. Spike was gonna kill you for me... but it all went wrong... there was gonna be a party with streamers and songs... he promised..." Dru looked up at the ceiling with a faraway look in her eyes.

Buffy thought that if Dru just wanted to kill her, she would have done so already. There was more to it; Dru wanted something from her. The mention of Kendra's murder had gotten to Buffy for a minute, but she couldn't let Dru get her flustered, she had to stay calm. "You've both tried to kill me several times and you haven't succeeded yet. What makes you think this time will be any different?"

"This time you won't be able to wiggle out of the trap, the metal teeth have bitten down on your leg and will hold you tight." Dru spread her fingers on both hands, put the base of her palms together, and then clamped them together quickly, mimicking a bear trap snapping shut.

"The visual aids really help, thanks," Buffy said dryly.

"Fitting it should end here, don't you think?" Drusilla spread her arms out to encompass the room. "This is where you made your plans."

"My plans? What plans?" Buffy's brows knit. She didn't know if she should be trying to make sense out of everything Drusilla said or not. Maybe it was all just crazy-talk and would end up making her crazy too if she listened to enough of it.

"First you wormed your way into Angel's heart, but that wasn't enough for you. Oh no, not nearly enough. You made your fiendish plans to take my Spike from me. You seduced him to do your will."

"Hey, I didn't seduce anybody! Spike came to me with a basic plan to stop Angelus, not the other way around. Both of us wanted to stop Angelus for our own reasons, that's all it was -- a sort of... business arrangement. One of his conditions was that I wouldn't stake you while I was at it... I'm totally regretting agreeing to that part right about now."

"You took my boys away. So quiet, so lonely without my big, strong, deadly men." Dru muttered something unintelligible, whining pitifully.

Buffy stayed quiet for the moment, subtly testing her chains and thinking, 'The chains must be magically strengthened -- I can't break them. How am I going to get away from this loony? Please let someone have noticed I'm missing...' She had no idea how much time had passed since she'd gone to Spike's place, but she hoped the Scooby cavalry would come riding to her rescue, and the sooner the better.

"Angel... and then my beautiful Spike. You stole them from me -- stole my family away, you did." Drusilla closed her eyes and swayed on her feet, lost momentarily in a memory. "They would sing pretty songs and love me from sundown 'til sunup." She stopped swaying abruptly, her eyes were golden when she opened them again. She snarled, her upper lip twitched over her fangs. "You ruined everything. The music hadn't stopped, but you took my chair away."

"I... didn't do anything. I don't even like Spike!"

Drusilla rushed her and slapped her across the face fiercely, making sure to slice Buffy's cheek with her razor-sharp, painted nails. "Liar!"

"Back off, you crazy bitch! I'm so going to dust your skinny ass when I get free!" Buffy yanked hard on her chains; but they weren't going to break. Buffy tried kicking Dru, but there wasn't enough slack in the chain.

"Aww, were you tryin' to kick me just then?" Dru pouted in mock-sympathy. "Poor Slayer, you have no way to defend yourself, do you? So sad and distressing... for you. But it's wonderful from where I stand, to see you like this, all chained and helpless..." Dru shuddered with pleasure.

“Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch,” Dru suddenly started singing, closing her eyes and twirling in place.

Buffy regarded her with a mixture of revulsion, hatred, and fear. Buffy tried keeping the panic and fear at bay, she knew how vamps got off on it when their prey felt fear, but it wasn't easy to stay frosty in her current predicament.

Dru opened her eyes again and smiled, her fangs glistening in the light. "Hmm, now what were we talkin' about? I got lost in the lovely pictures... Oh yes, now I remember! You want Spike, you lust for him... you love him," Drusilla accused, pointing a finger at Buffy's chest.

"That couldn't be less true!" Buffy insisted. She was taken aback that Drusilla could actually think she loved Spike. "You can have him all to yourself, I don't give a shit! I'll put you both in the same ashtray! I'm sure you'll be very happy together!"

"You know I have the gift of second sight, Slayer. There's no use makin' up stories. I can see through you..." She wriggled her fingers at Buffy's face. "I can see your guts and goblins, blood and wishes. Your thoughts are like an open book to me… it’s quite a sad story, really... poor Slayer – in love with a vampire, but you’ll never have him now. I love stories that end tragically, don’t you?"

Buffy ignored Dru’s ramblings and tried to convince her again that she had no interest in Spike. "I'm not lying! I have no interest in Spike, whatsoever! Your second sight needs to make an appointment with the optometrist -- you couldn't be more wrong."

Dru shook her head slowly and clucked her tongue. "Didn' your mummy teach you s'not nice to tell tales... s'not smart, either. You're only making me very cross with you."

Buffy groaned, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. "I'm not lying," she told her emphatically.

Dru hissed and slapped Buffy's other cheek, scratching it as she'd done the other.

Buffy grit her teeth and glowered at the crazy vampiress, blood was now trickling down both sides of her face. "It doesn't matter how much you smack me around and claw me, my answer isn't going to change."

Dru looked at Buffy and tilted her head. "You're denyin' it..."

"Hell yes, I'm denying it! I don't love or lust or feel anything but annoyance for Spike. I wish he'd just go away!"

"No, you're denying it to yourself. Just like he did. I told him I knew he loved you... I saw you hoverin', floating all around him and fogging his mind like a poisonous cloud."

"S-Spike doesn't love me! If he wasn't chipped he would've kept coming after me until one of us was dead!" She thought, 'Oh God, now *Drusilla* is saying Spike's in love with me?! What is this, a damn conspiracy?!'

Drusilla ignored her. "You made my delicious William taste like ashes. He said no, no, no, denied, denied, denied. But you can't hide from me, Slayer. You can't lie to those who see. You can't want them without the shiny, crinkly soul, can you? Can't let yourself see it, can't permit yourself to feel it. Because it's wrong." She grinned and giggled. "Such a sad, joyless little life you lead. You should be grateful to me for puttin' an end to it."

"I know this is stating the obvious, but you're completely nuts."

"I know the truth..." Dru touched a finger to Buffy's forehead, making the blonde flinch. "It's in your head. Buzz, buzz... buzz, buzz, the fireflies say. Shall I open up your head and scoop it out? I'll let all the humming fireflies out and they can tell you themselves. Such a festive candy dish your skull will make."

"What do you want from me?" Buffy didn't know how long she could stand to listen to Drusilla's insane ramblings and threats.

Dru straightened up, looking more lucidly menacing. It was in these moments when Buffy thought Dru was the most frightening, when the crazy was combined with a Hannibal Lector-like intelligence and poise. "I want you to die. I want to make your body cold and lifeless. I want to remove your vile presence from this world. You should be moldering in your grave by now, with the maggots and worms makin' snug homes in your entrails." Dru started humming a song.

"Yeah? Look who's talking. At least I should've only been dead for a few years by now, thanks to The Master, but you're more than a hundred past your expiration date."

Dru startled Buffy by breaking into song, dancing and twirling:

"The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout; They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes"

Buffy just watched Drusilla sing and spin around the room. 'Holy shit... I think she's gotten even more mental than she was last time she was in town...' Buffy remembered that rhyme from when she was a kid, but having it performed by an evil, insane bitch, added a whole new layer of creepy.

Dru finally stopped, laughing and wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "Oh, what a fun little song that is! You want to sing it with me, Slayer? I can start another verse."

"No thanks, I'll pass. You go on though, sing your heart out." Buffy figured that if Dru was busy singing and dancing, she wouldn't be hurting her. So, as unsettling as it was to see mental illness on parade, it was better than being abused and it bought Buffy a little more time.

Dru strolled back toward Buffy. "Rest assured, you will die before the merry-go-round stops tonight, but I also want you to suffer -- suffer for all the pain you've caused. How much you suffer will depend on how nice you play. You know what I want most of all, Slayer?"

"No, but if I begged you, would you tell me?" Buffy said with extreme sarcasm.

Drusilla ignored Buffy's quip. "I want what you stole from me. My beautiful boys."

"They're not mine to give. But why don't you go ahead and find them... have a tea party or whatever the hell it is you did back in the bad old days."

Drusilla giggled. "You want to know what we did together back then, when everything was warm and blossoming?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. No, I definitely do not want to know."

Drusilla smiled dreamily, swaying again, with her hands over her heart. "The boys would fight over me, not wanting to share their meal. Makes a girl feel so special. Their teeth and bodies bared, growling and biting, glowing an' glistening. I let them tussle and wrestle for a bit, watching them and getting so wet. Such lovely muscles they have... and great big cocks dangling between their thighs. All for their dark princess. I'd say, 'You mustn't fight so, my handsome, hungry loves. Dru has more than one warm, wet hole for both of you to fill again and again'."

Buffy's face was screwed up in disgust. "I believe I said I DIDN'T want to know!"

Dru was in her own little world, not acknowledging Buffy's protest. "And they would, again and again." She closed her eyes and ran her hands slowly down her body, moaning, and getting lost in the beautiful memory as she talked. "One at my mouth and one in my cunt. One in my cunt and another in my ass. They'd hunch and grunt and sweat, shoving me onto the other with hard, brutal thrusts. And sometimes Grandmummy would join us and we'd take turns being --"

Buffy shouted, "Shut up! Eugh! God, I don't want to hear this disgusting shit! Why don't you just go get laid and leave me alone!"

Picturing a wild threesome featuring Dru, Angel and Spike made Buffy sick. However... if she were the meat in that hot vampire sandwich... She had to shake the images out of her head, getting turned on, even a little, wasn't smart right now. Buffy had never thought about having sex with more than one man at a time -- until now. Spike was light and slim, Angel was dark and broad, both of them so beautiful in their own ways. And then Angel was cut out of the picture. It was just her and Spike. Spike with those sharp cheekbones, and azure eyes that seemed as though they could see right through any walls she put up around herself. The seemingly effortless ways he oozed sex appeal: a slow blink of his eyes, a pursing of his lips, a poking of his tongue, a head tilt, the way he smiled, the way he strutted into a room like he owned the place, full of swagger and bursting with sexuality. He was the kind of man that women saw and began immediately picturing what their panties would look like discarded on his bedroom floor. He really was a sexy undead bastard...

'Whoa, whoa, whoa! I was doing it again! Thinking of Spike in sexy ways... is bad. So bad.' It had to be lingering memories and feelings from the time they'd been 'engaged'. They'd done a lot of smooching and touching... and though she'd never admit it, he was a fantastic kisser... and his hands had felt so good on her body. Under the effects of the spell, Buffy had wanted him so bad, she'd loved him so much and wanted nothing more than to consummate their love on their wedding night... And now she couldn't stop the thought from forming, 'I bet he's very passionate in bed... insatiable...'

Dru stopped dancing and leveled a gaze at her. "You'll never have it so good, dear Slayer. Never. I'll make sure of that. I see you dancing with him in your head. You want to play with my Spike's lovely cock."

Buffy spluttered. "I-I do NOT!" Her face flushed even more than it usually would at such an accusation, because her thoughts had been naughty.

Dru wagged a finger at her. "Yes, you do. Now, no more porkies, Slayer, or you'll have no cakes and pomegranates."

"I don't want to play with his co-- with anything of his! If I pictured anything, it was involuntary, because you keep talking about it!" Buffy assumed 'porkies' was British slang for 'lies' (and didn't refer to the teenage sex romp movies of the 1980s), but she was too flustered to ask for a definition. Why couldn't English people just speak English?

"My Angelus is lost to me... that wretched bloody soul won't let him play anymore. Though, that may change soon, with Darla and Spike's help." Dru held up her hands and crossed her fingers.

Buffy frowned, not knowing what Dru was talking about. 'Darla? She's been dead-dead for years now, Angel staked her, I saw it...' Was it just more of Dru's crazy-talk? By the sounds of it, Dru had some kind of evil plan involving Angel too; Buffy had to warn him. She had to escape with her own life first, in order to do that, though... Buffy started to ask, "What do you --"

Drusilla talked over her. "Angelus can be my Daddy again, but Spike... he'll always be my love, my heart. My childe, my lover, my all. My sweet, pretty Spike. I chose him that night, I could've had any man I wanted, but I chose him as my mate. And I can have him back -- back in my life, back at my side, back in my bed. And he can do all those naughty, delicious things to me like only he can." She hugged herself, smiling at the thought of being with Spike again. "It can be the way it used to be... before you mucked everything up."

"Yeah, good, stop trying to make me puke and go find him." It would be a very good thing if Dru left her alone, she could try escaping in earnest. It would also be a good thing (she hoped) if Dru brought Spike back with her. Maybe he really did care and would stop Dru from hurting her, going against his Sire, the woman he'd loved for over a hundred years, for Buffy: the woman whom he (allegedly) had just fallen in love with, the woman who consistently treated him like crap and punched him with very little provocation... Buffy was feeling less encouraged now that she thought about it that way.

"He'll be so happy to see me. I can almost see his bright smile at seeing me again. He can prove his everlasting love for me by helping me chop you into messes."

"I thought you said he was in love with me? Now you're saying he loves you? Which is it?" Buffy hoped to throw Drusilla off by pointing out flaws. She didn't know if it would work or not, but at least it would feel good to confuse the crazy bitch.

Drusilla shook her head with a sigh. "It's possible to love more than one person at the same time, you miserable little creature. I loved both Spike and Angel. But Spike's the one I want. Spike has such a spacious heart, so much room for love. He still loves his black goddess."

"You think he's just gonna run into your arms, huh?" Buffy asked, raising her brows skeptically. "Do you have any idea, or even care, how broken he was when you dumped him? You hurt him real bad, Drusilla. I think you'll have to do some intense groveling." Buffy wasn't sure if that was true. Spike was hung up on Dru, he might just take her back with no questions asked. Love's Bitch, that's what he'd called himself once.

"Sweet William will know how much I love him when he sees what I'm going to do to you for him, for us. You'll be bowed and bleeding, strung up like a funny marionette. In the end, there won't be anything left of you for him to be in love with. And then I'll sink to my knees, rip open his trousers, and swallow his massive cock, taking it in deep, just the way he likes. He'll see how much I still love him."

"I think that last part would do it -- you don't even need to do anything to me."

"Oh, your agonizing death is the grand centerpiece on the table. Forks go on the left, spoons and knives on the right. And then we'll dance and dance and dance." Dru started twirling around the room again with a maniac's smile on her face. "My Spike will sweep me off my feet and we'll spin and twirl. If only Angelus and Grandmummy could join us, we'd be a whole, happy, perfect family again."

"You don't have a chance in hell of getting Angel to join you. And I don't think Spike will want you back either. Face it, no one wants your crazy ass." After Buffy said that, she thought it wasn't the smartest thing to say. She wanted to push Dru into making some kind of mistake, but enraging her probably wasn't a good idea, at least not while Buffy was still chained and defenseless.

"You took Angel and Spike's hearts." She grinned that insane, scary grin. "So I'll take yours. Tit for tat. It's poetic, my William will enjoy that. Such a sweet poet, always talking of love, destiny, and eternity. Your heart will still be hot and quivering when I feast on it. I'll eat it like a hand fruit and let the juices dribble down my chin. And I'll share it with Spike. Our bond will be renewed over your ripped and torn body."

Dru reached a finger out, wiped at the blood running down Buffy’s cheek and moaned with delight as she sucked it into her mouth. “When your Slayer blood flows in rivers down his throat … only then will he be able to stop loving you – only then will I have my deadly boy back."

Buffy swallowed nervously. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. Spike does not love me, and I sure as hell don't love him."

Buffy flinched back when Dru growled and snapped her jaws at her.

"Bad doggie is still telling tales. I did warn you about that..." She hummed and went to a table that Buffy only now noticed had several shiny knives and other nasty looking implements laid out on its surface. Dru kept humming and waving her hand slowly above the table. "The right tool will speak to me. The one meant to cut you into pretty, red ribbons will tell me."

Buffy tried thinking fast to distract Dru and delay her long enough for some kind of escape or rescue plan to take shape. "You know that Spike was chipped, don't you? Do you know what that means? He won't be able to hunt or kill or even hurt a human. He's not the same Spike anymore -- he can never be your deadly boy again." And she realized that that was true now that she'd said it out loud. Spike had changed because of the chip, it had forced him to change his ways. Not just the big changes (such as not killing humans), but very subtle changes (such as Spike seeming honestly concerned about her sister's safety). Maybe being in love with Buffy was helping him change for the better...? Or maybe all that was just an act to make her think he'd changed so he could catch her off-guard? Buffy didn't know what to think anymore. Spike didn't have a soul... he wasn't capable of love, right?

To Buffy's relief, Dru did forget her current task of selecting a cutting tool. She looked at Buffy, pouting. "Yes, I know what the bad soldiers did to my Spike. I saw it, I felt his anguish and pain from across the ocean. I shall be very cross with the soldiers if I ever meet one. Putting a leash on a magnificent, primal beast is so cruel."

"You want him back, you want it to be like the old days, right? How do you plan to do that when he can't kill people? And that includes me. Spike won't be able to cause me any harm, so he can't join in the fun with you."

"Oh, don't worry 'bout that, Slayer." She smiled wide. "There are ways 'round that."

Buffy wondered why Drusilla seemed so confident about that. "If there were ways around it, Spike would've found them."

"He didn't have his black goddess to light the way. The chip is nothing, just bits of plastic and metal. I can make my Spike feel like he's floating on a cloud, no pain, no shocks." As she'd talked, Dru had started swaying and waved her hand under her eyes.

Buffy thought she understood now: Dru was saying she could hypnotize Spike into not feeling the pain from the chip -- and it chilled Buffy to think she might be right.

"You know, you've mentioned Angel a lot. Maybe you should decide which one of them you really want before you try getting Spike back. He was pissed off at how you kept throwing yourself at Angel like a giant ho."

"I have made my decision. It's Spike, it was always Spike. Angelus made me part of his family, but I chose my William. He's mine, forever and always. He'll take me back, just you wait an' see."

"I don't care! You can have him... if he'll have you, that is."

"Enough talk. The only thing I want to hear coming out of your mouth are screams of agony." Dru went back to waving her hand over the table of sharp instruments. "You're in for a treat, Slayer. I learned at the right hand of Angelus: a true master in the art of torture. Did he ever tell you what he did to my mum?"

"You... don't want to do this, Drusilla." Buffy was getting more afraid, she didn't know how to continue to stall or stop Dru from doing horrible things to her.

She looked at Buffy and tilted her head, looking genuinely puzzled. "I don't? Why on earth not?"

"Because... Because if Spike really is in love with me, he'll be angry that you hurt me."

Dru smiled and shrugged. "He'll get over it." She picked up a scalpel, turned to Buffy and grinned. "You won't. Let's get started, shall we?"

Drusilla had started by cutting Buffy's jacket and shirt off of her, leaving the Slayer wearing a white bra and jeans. The whole situation frightened Buffy, but Dru cutting her clothes off was scary for altogether different reasons. She hoped Dru didn't have something more in mind that required Buffy to be naked.

When she'd found the nerve to ask why Dru cut her shirt off, Dru replied, "I need a proper canvas."

And then Dru had begun to use the knives on Buffy's skin. Buffy had yelled and thrashed around, trying to either break the chains or just make it harder for Drusilla to hit a moving target. But she found out that it just made Dru angrier. She got several blows to the face and torso when she wouldn't keep still, followed by more vicious slashing of her body with a sharp knife.

Buffy tried keeping herself sane during the torture by thinking she would get out of this seemingly impossible situation. And when she did, Drusilla would be so very sorry – she had to focus on something other than the pain or risk completely losing her mind, so she kept trying to conjure images in her mind of ways to get even with Dru and eventually dust her.

Buffy wasn't mortally wounded, Drusilla had given her mostly quick, shallow slashes instead of deep stabs. Dru had used the finer instruments to draw pictures on Buffy's back and stomach. The picture she was drawing (cutting) on Buffy's stomach was of two smiling stick figures with fangs, holding hands under a crescent moon. Dru wanted to add two more figures to represent Angelus and Darla, then it would be perfect – her family would be together again, drawn in the blood of the Slayer that had broken them apart.

While Drusilla was busy with Buffy, minions had come in and wandered around the room to set up decorations for the party. They were warned beforehand not to disturb Dru while she worked. It was difficult for the young vampires not to simply stare and enjoy the sight of the Slayer being beaten and slashed by their Master, but they'd been warned to keep at their tasks and not gawk. And they sure as hell didn't want to anger Dru.

A banner reading, "Welcome Back, Spike!" had been erected over an archway opposite from where Buffy was currently chained. There were multi-colored helium balloons, party favors and hats, and streamers ready to be placed throughout the main room.

Drusilla had ordered her minions to run many errands for her in preparation for the party. In addition to cleaning out the party supply stores in town, they'd also retrieved Miss Edith from the train. Miss Edith was very cross at being forgotten. So as a treat, Dru removed the blindfold from the doll and sat her in a good place so she could watch Buffy being tortured and eventually die.

Dru was kneeling on a satin pillow in front of Buffy as she "drew" her picture. She smiled and turned her head to where her favorite doll sat. "Isn't this nice, Miss Edith? You like it?" She giggled. "Ah, I knew you would. You forgive me for leaving you on the train?" She paused, as if the doll were speaking to her. Then she laughed. "Oh yes, I'm eager for that, too! Soon, Miss Edith, very soon."

"Mistress," Joshua interrupted, "it's been --"

Drusilla jumped to her feet and yelled, "I told you not to bother me while I'm creating!" The minions helping decorate the room stopped and looked at her nervously, afraid she'd kill one of them in her fit of anger. “Why must you always defy me!?” She held up the knife and made frenzied slashing motions in the air with it.

Joshua swallowed. "But... you said to tell you when two hours had passed..."

Dru's enraged, criminally insane look changed instantly into a bashful smile. She giggled girlishly. "Oh yes, I did tell you that, didn't I? I knew I'd get all caught up in my happy work. Yes, I think that's enough for now; she's nearly ready to be presented to Spike."

The minions went back to work, thankful that Dru's temper tantrum had passed for the moment. Some of them had been around in the days when Spike and Dru had first come to town, and as hard as it was to believe, Dru was much more dangerous and unpredictable without Spike’s presence. Spike had often kept Dru from killing or maiming minions outright or going into a frenzy. It would be good for the Mistress (as well as those around her) to have Spike back.

Drusilla stepped back to admire her work, beaming.

Buffy closed her eyes, grateful that it seemed her torture would stop -- or at least be put on hold. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take without going insane.

Dru nodded appreciatively; Buffy was bleeding nicely, and the family portrait had turned out well. Flesh was a very difficult medium to work in. The Slayer's screams of indignation and pain had been sweet music to Dru's ears.

Drusilla licked blood from the knife, then placed it back on the table, stopping the fun for now. She also licked her fingers clean, not wanting to let the delicious Slayer blood go to waste. "You don't mind if we continue this later, do you, Slayer?"

Buffy groaned quietly, relieved that she'd be getting a short reprieve. She'd been in a lot more pain in the past than she was right now, but it was harder to manage with the additional emotional turmoil.

Dru would have been quite happy and content to keep torturing Buffy, but she had to go see Spike. All this merriment and bloodletting had her feeling nostalgic and missing Spike more. She wanted to be sharing this with him. She sighed wistfully at remembering him giving her a taste of that Boxer Rebellion Slayer's blood. Mmmm, so tasty. And he'd been so right about it being an aphrodisiac. They'd had an epic shag after that. No other lover could compare to her wonderful Spike. He could be so rough and animalistic, but he could also be so gentle and loving. He was everything a girl could want, and all wrapped up in a pretty package.

Dru pulled herself from the sweet memories, she didn't have time to daydream. "Hasn't it been fun so far? Just like a day at the fair, innit?" she asked the glassy-eyed Buffy.

Buffy groaned again, hanging limply in her chains and bleeding from dozens of cuts on her upper body and arms. "Fuck you!" she spat.

Dru trilled laughter. "You kiss your mum with that mouth? Good girls aren't s'posed to talk like sailors. Miss Edith does not approve of that sort of language, I might have to wash your mouth out with soap. You have to take your medicine, Slayer. You have to pay a price for taking my Spike away."

Buffy felt so worn down, but she mustered up the energy to yell, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't want Spike?!"

"Still stuck on that lie, are you?" Dru tsk'ed and shook her head. "You're a slow learner, Slayer. Maybe I can spare a few more moments to play with you a bit more...” She walked back over to Buffy and stared at her.

Buffy wanted to beg her not to hurt her any more, but she'd be damned before she begged Drusilla for anything. It wasn't as if any plea for mercy would be effective anyway. Buffy clenched her jaw and stared defiantly back at Dru.

"Why are you just staring at me?" Buffy asked after the staring contest had gone on for thirty seconds without anything happening. "You think you can break me? Guess again, bitch! It takes a lot more than --”

Drusilla simply said, "Look at me."

Buffy didn't understand what Dru was getting at for a few seconds. She was already looking at her, so why... Then she realized what Dru was trying to do.

Buffy closed her eyes and turned her face away. "No!" Giles had told her (an edited version) of how Dru had hypnotized him when he'd been Angelus' captive. Buffy didn't want her mind messed with like that. It was bad enough that the crazy vampire beat her up and cut her body, she wasn’t going to let her into her mind too.

"I said, look at me!" Drusilla growled, putting her hands on the sides of Buffy’s head and forcing her face forward. Buffy kept her eyes tightly shut. "Open your eyes or I'll slice the lids off."

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes as bile rose in her throat at the thought of having her eyelids sliced off... and Dru was just crazy enough to do it. She was determined not to let Drusilla's hypno powers work on her. But that determination was crushed almost instantly.

"Be in my eyes... be in me," Dru said in a soft, melodious voice. She extended two fingers and waved them, first under her own eyes, and then under Buffy's.

Dru's big brown eyes looked bigger than usual to Buffy. The world melted away, everything except those deep, luminous eyes that were pulling her into them. The pain and panic faded to almost nothing, there was only a peaceful, warm feeling. Buffy unconsciously swayed along with Dru, mirroring her movements, like a cobra under the spell of a snake charmer.

Buffy suddenly felt extremely tired, she couldn't hold her eyes open. She closed her eyes and her head drooped.

Drusilla placed her hand on the crown of Buffy's head. "See with your heart. See what your heart wants..."

---

When Buffy opened her eyes again, lifted her head and looked around, she was alone.

"...the hell?" Buffy couldn't figure out where everyone went -- it seemed like she'd only shut her eyes for a moment. Drusilla had been doing something right before Buffy passed out... but she couldn't remember what it was now.

"Buffy."

Her head whipped to the side to see Spike standing casually in the entryway, leaning with his shoulder against the wall and his thumbs hooked into his belt. She couldn't see his face very well, he was still partially shrouded in the shadows, but it was definitely Spike.

She swallowed anxiously. "Spike... Where did everyone go? You have to help me get out of here before they come back!"

"You don't have to worry about any of them," Spike said, smiling slightly as he walked further into the room.

"Before I go into a 'thank goodness you've come' speech, tell me... are you here to help me escape, or are you here to help Drusilla kill me?" Buffy hoped this nightmare wouldn't get any worse by Spike joining Dru in the 'fun'.

"You know I wouldn't let her kill you, Buffy."

"Do I?" Buffy was feeling so strange, and it wasn't just the disorientation of nodding off and then waking up abruptly. Spike had a sort of glow about him; he looked so handsome and gallant. And he'd actually saved her life -- which meant that he really must care for her. She was feeling kinda swoony, truth be told. "Can you get these chains off of me?" she asked, looking up at her manacled wrists.

Spike stepped up to her and reached up with a key in his hand, undoing one cuff and then the other. Buffy started sinking to the floor, but Spike grabbed her around the waist and held her against his body with strong arms. Buffy held onto his shoulders, giving him a small, grateful smile.

Spike bent down and freed her ankles while Buffy leaned on him to keep her balance. "Are you badly hurt?" he asked, glancing up at her. "Need to go to the hospital?"

"I... I don't think so." Buffy looked down at her stomach, seeing Dru's handiwork. "This shit better not scar."

Spike stood up and rested his hands on her waist.

Buffy didn't find his closeness, or the affectionate way he was looking at her, objectionable in the least. In fact, she liked it... "Did Drusilla try to talk you into getting back together with her?" Buffy asked. "That's what she said she was going to do."

"Uh-huh." Spike shook his head and sighed. "She really thought I'd jump at the chance to be with her again. Well... I s'pose I was a bit tempted at first -- it's not easy to turn down someone you loved for as long as I loved her -- but when I saw what she'd done to you... I knew what I had to do."

Buffy felt like her legs were going to give out again. She let out a little gasp when Spike swept her up in his arms. "What are you doing?"

Spike smiled and carried her to the couch, and then set her down gently. "You were gonna fall over, luv."

"Oh... okay. I'm not used to being carried around like some damsel in distress. Warn me next time you plan on sweeping me off my... lifting me up." Buffy sighed and tried just relaxing for a minute, rubbing at her bruised wrists and trying to get some feeling back into her hands. It felt so good to be unchained and out of danger; she hadn't been sure if she was going to make it out of that situation. But she had, with Spike's help. "You're sure Dru won't be back?"

Spike nodded as he sat down beside Buffy. "Her and her little helpers are taken care of, no worries. I dusted the lot of them."

"Good." Buffy was impressed that Spike had killed his former lover just to protect her; she never thought he could, or would, do that for her. "Um... Dru said some... interesting things while she had me chained up."

"Such as?" Spike asked, arching his scarred brow.

"She said... you were in love with me. And Dawn said the same thing earlier... Is it true?"

Spike tilted his head and said softly, "What do you think?"

"I... I don't know. That's why you saved me... because you love me?" Buffy asked, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth as she awaited his answer.

Spike took a breath and turned to her, taking her hands in his and looking her in the eye. "Yes... it's true. I love you, Buffy. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you..."

Whereas those words coming out of Spike's mouth would have been abhorrent a few hours ago, now they made Buffy feel warm and, yes, even happy. She could see that Spike loved her, she could feel it. No man had ever said anything like that to her before. No man had ever talked about her like she was an object of love and desire like in the old poems she was so fond of.

She gave him a watery smile and squeezed his hands. "You really do love me, don't you?" It was still hard for her to believe that a soulless vampire could actually love someone... but Spike had proven her wrong.

Spike smiled back and nodded. "I really, truly do. And... I couldn't let Dru hurt you, I had to stop her. I'd do anything for you, Buffy. The million dollar question is: How do you feel about me? Is my love in vain?"

"I... I'm not sure. I mean, I'm used to thinking of you a certain way... but by helping me, you've shown me that you've changed." Buffy swallowed, trying to figure out what she honestly felt for him. "I'm... attracted to you, I think I always was, but it wasn't... right for me to feel that way, you know?"

"Yeah... I get that, I do. You, Slayer -- Me, vampire." Spike took a deep breath before continuing. "But love isn't always easy or pretty, it can be tough, it can make you want to scream and feel like you're losin' your bleedin' mind. And love's not always meant for those people that seem 'perfect' for each other. I think we can have something... extraordinary, Buffy. If you just give me a chance... I swear, I'll make you so bloody happy."

Buffy had never seen a man look as beautiful as Spike looked right at that moment. The hair, the cheekbones, the hard body. And the eyes... such intense, deep blue eyes -- they seemed to cut right through all her defenses, all her objections... all her fears. It was true, she always did have an attraction for him, under the surface. She'd always felt there was something between herself and Spike, at first it had just been the mortal enemy thing, but it had morphed since then. She'd been attracted to him, sort of like having the hots for the really bad boy in school -- you know he's completely wrong for you, but he's damn sexy. Buffy was surprised by the lengths to which her mind had gone to squelch any desire for Spike, she'd been the true Queen of Denial.

But now she was remembering. Yes, he'd still been a pain in her ass, but that didn't mean she hadn't wanted him. And then over time, especially recently with the Glory threat looming over her family, she'd seen that he wasn't all bad. Spike was capable of doing good things, he just needed someone to put their boot in his ass to help keep him on the side of right. Buffy could be that someone with the boot. She'd rather not have another vampire boyfriend who was a huge project... but she had feelings for Spike that she could no longer deny or ignore.

And by saving her life tonight, Spike had earned a chance at redemption, as well as a place in her heart.

"How do you feel about me now?" Spike tilted his head, smiling tentatively and awaiting her answer.

"Now... I can finally admit I'm attracted to you, that I have... feelings for you. I don't understand all of it yet, but it's about time I stopped lying to myself."

"You think... we might be able to explore those feelings... together?" Spike asked with a sweet, hopeful smile.

Buffy looked down bashfully -- she couldn't believe she was having this conversation with Spike. After everything they'd been through, and done to each other, here they were, talking about 'exploring feelings'. "Yeah, I think so. I'm open to... negotiations on that. There's something between us... I'd like to find out what exactly it is."

"Just hearin' you say that there's hope that my dreams will come true.... it means so much to me, Buffy." Spike brought her hands to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles.

Yes, this is what she wanted. Spike was what she wanted.

"What say we get the hell out of here, yeah?" Spike asked with a little smirk.

Buffy laughed. "I'm all for that! I hope I never see this damn place again. Wish the city would just bulldoze it, and then salt the earth."

Spike stood up and pulled Buffy up to stand with him. "Need me to carry you? 'Cos I will. I love carryin' you around." He smirked and wagged his eyebrows.

"Like the end of some big romantic movie?" Buffy chuckled.

"Somethin' like that." Spike pulled her against him, gazing into her eyes. "Or it could be the start of a big, beautiful, romantic life..."

Buffy smiled, thinking how sweet a thing that was of him to say. And she could tell that's what he really wanted. She wouldn't mind having a heaping helping of big, beautiful romance, either. "Who knows? Stranger things have happened, right?"

Spike nodded. "'Specially in this town."

Buffy couldn't feel any of the wounds Drusilla had inflicted on her; there was no pain. How could she feel pain when Spike was looking at her like this, with his bluer-than-blue eyes conveying so much love and affection? Spike leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Buffy put her arms around his neck and returned the kiss. Yes, this is what she wanted. She could have sworn her lip had been split by one of Dru's punches, kissing anyone right now should be painful... but she didn't feel any discomfort.

Suddenly, music started playing. It was, 'Up Where We Belong' -- one of Buffy's favorite romantic songs.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes

}}


Buffy pulled back with a puzzled frown, and looked around to locate the source of the music. "Where's that music coming from? You hear it too, right? I'm not just going nuts?"

"Yeah, I hear it. Must be from a car stereo outside," Spike said dismissively.

When she looked back at Spike, he was wearing a white Navy officer's uniform, complete with the white hat. Buffy blinked and stared at him. "What... How did your clothes change? What the hell is... Wow, you look really good in those clothes..." Buffy was confused, but she was momentarily taken out of her thoughts by just how gorgeous Spike looked in the uniform. The words 'Hello, Salty Goodness!' repeated in her head.

Spike only smiled and lifted her up in his arms again to carry her out of the mansion. "We can talk all 'bout it on the way home, pet."

Buffy couldn't resist taking his officer's cap and putting it on, just like in 'An Officer and a Gentleman'.

And then Buffy was finally able to think coherently, realizing how bizarre the last minute had been. A feeling of dread and numbness spread through her body, her face went slack. "Oh God... this isn't really happening, is it? This isn't real..."

Spike smiled sadly and shook his head no. "I'm sorry, Buffy..."

---

Dru slapped Buffy's face to bring her out of the trance. "Does that clear anything up for you, Slayer?" she asked coldly.

Buffy blinked rapidly, trying to understand that everything she'd just seen and experienced was just an illusion; it had seemed so real. "Why... Why did you make me...?"

"'Cos it was takin' you too bloody long to realize the truth on your own." Dru put her hands to her own temples, her eyes fluttered. "So many defenses in your tiny, pink, wrinkly brain... so many rules, so many wrong turns... I don' like it in there..."

"Then stay the fuck out of my brain, bitch!" Tears of frustration welled in Buffy's eyes, but she refused to sob and cry, she would not give Dru the satisfaction. Nevertheless, a tear spilled over and ran down Buffy's cheek. It had been too cruel a deception -- to make Buffy think the nightmare was over, to make her think and feel things about Spike.

Dru grabbed and held the sides of Buffy's head again. Buffy tried shaking her head to keep Dru from putting another hallucination in her mind or from hurting her, but Dru held her fast. Instead of more mind games or hitting, Dru only licked up the trail of the tear, also licking up some blood on Buffy's cheek.

"Ugh! Get off of me, you freak!" Buffy shouted in disgust, trying to move her face away from Dru's sweeping tongue.

Dru stepped back, smiling. She closed her eyes, licked her chops, and rubbed her hand in circles over her stomach. "Ohh, mmmmmm! Slayer tears and blood makes a brilliant cocktail! Can you make enough tears to fill a proper punchbowl? I know you can make enough blood." Dru winked and licked her lips again. She leaned toward Buffy, talking in a hushed, conspiratorial tone, "I add a pinch of cinnamon and a bottle of vodka to my blood punch -- but, Shhhh! Don't give away my secrets! Everyone will be copyin' my recipe for their parties!"

Buffy shrugged to get her shoulder closer to her face, and then wiped her cheek on her shoulder to get Dru's saliva off. She mostly just succeeded in smearing her cheek and shoulder with blood. "You're sick -- even for a vampire!"

"Did the little vision I gave you finally open your eyes? You told Spike you wanted him -- I was in your head, I saw it, I heard it. Scary place, your head is..."

"That... That didn't mean anything!" The Queen of Denial was back. "You tricked me! I never would have felt anything for Spike if he didn't come to help me! It was just gratitude!"

"I made you see the truth, what lies beneath. I don't like bein' inside your head... turns my tummy, it does." Dru made a face like she'd tasted something bad. "So many twists and turns, a labyrinth of brick walls and dead ends."

"Yeah, you mentioned that. I say again, stay the fuck out of my head, you crazy bitch!" A thought occurred to Buffy, making her feel even more ill. "Oh my God... that wasn't you I was kissing, was it?!" Buffy spit repeatedly on the floor.

Some of the minions snickered at the Slayer's distress. They wished the Mistress would let them videotape this -- it was some funny, entertaining shit!

"I wouldn't taint my lips by touching them to yours, Slayer," Dru said, running an index finger over her own lips. "You're sour and bitter, kissing you would be like biting into a lemon. My mummy used to eat lemons. Raw. She said she loved the way they made her mouth... tingle." Dru looked off into space, not moving or saying anything for several moments. And then it was as if someone un-paused her, and she started talking again. "You saw what your heart wanted to see in the vision, it was what you wanted to happen. And I saw it too."

"That's not what I want!"

Dru groaned and rolled her eyes. "Bloody hell, you're a pigheaded little elf, ain't you? You make the chubby, flying babies weep, you do." While Buffy was trying to make sense of that last comment, Dru continued, getting angrier by the second. "I go through all the trouble of givin' you a vision, and you still won't accept what you seen with your own eyes!?"

She reached up and grabbed three fingers on Buffy's left hand, and then jerked them violently, dislocating them.

Buffy cried out in pain and clenched her teeth. At first, she was afraid Drusilla had just ripped her fingers clean-off. But she didn't feel warm blood running down her arms, so she assumed the fingers were still attached. And then Dru stepped away from her, without a fistful of Buffy's fingers, confirming that Buffy wasn't maimed for life. That was a huge relief, but her hand was still hurting badly.

"They're still there, Slayer, just a bit askew and dangly." Dru giggled and held her hands up, holding her own fingers at odd angles. "I don't have time to keep tryin' to convince you of your own feelings, could keep tryin' 'til the end of time and it won't do no good. I don't know why my William was drawn to such daft girls after I set him free. It's time for me to pay a visit to my sweet Spike. Joshua, be a pet an' fetch my coat."

Joshua hurried to Dru, helping her into her coat.

Dru talked to him over her shoulder, "If the Slayer gives you any lip, you, and only you, have my permission to punch her or knock her out. No one else is to touch her."

"Really?!" Joshua asked excitedly. Then he grinned toothily at Buffy and cracked his knuckles. "Sweet!"

"But, take care that you don't hit her too hard." Dru wagged a finger at him. "If you kill or mortally wound her, I shall be very cross and have to gut you like a fish. I'll make it real slow-like and painful, too," she said as she mimed sticking a knife in his stomach, and then ripping upwards in a zigzagging fashion. "The Slayer needs to be alive for what comes next, and anyone who robs me of my perfect party will wish they were never born."

Joshua's grin faded, he cleared his throat. He swallowed and nodded. "R-right, Mistress. I'll be very careful if I have to hit her. I won't mess this up for you, promise!"

"You know what to do while I'm gone?" Dru asked.

He nodded. "Yes, Mistress, I've got the list." He patted his shirt pocket. "We'll have everything ready when you get back."

"And if anyone tries taking a piece of cake, what will you do?" she quizzed him.

"Uh... cake?" He fumbled in his shirt pocket and took the To-Do List out. He nervously checked it again. "I don't see cake on here... You want me to go to a bakery? There's one on Main St. that has the best --"

Drusilla sighed and pointed to Buffy. "She's the cake. She’s the present. She’s the bloody centerpiece!"

"Oh... right, okay." Joshua folded the list back up and put it back in his pocket.

"So, what will you do if anyone tries to have a taste of the cake?"

"I'll kill them, of course."

Dru smiled. "Good. No one is to harm one hair on the Slayer's daft head until I return. She's my present to Spike. Make sure you decorate her the way I told you."

"I will, Mistress."

"And you're not allowed to sneak a taste of her either. Unless you get some blood on your fist from punching her. Then you're allowed to lick it off your hand, but no licking the Slayer directly. You understand?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Now, it's a different story if those little friends of the Slayer's come 'round lookin' for her. You and the rest of my helpers may slaughter them at your whim. And please do make sure to do it in front of her?"

He nodded and smiled again. "I hope they do come looking for her. I've wanted to kill that little prick, Xander Harris, for a long time. He was such a huge dork in high school. We'll make you proud, Mistress."

"Such a sweet and dutiful boy you are, Joshua. If you do a good job, Mummy may give you a special treat later." Dru grinned happily and patted his face. It was nice to have young vampires to guide sometimes; they could be so adorable and precocious at Joshua's age. "I'll be back soon with my sweet William." Dru hummed a merry tune as she started out of the mansion.

She stopped and took a red rose from a vase. She held it under her nose, closed her eyes and sniffed its fragrance. Red roses symbolized love -- Spike would appreciate the poetry in that.

With a grin on her face, Dru exited the mansion on a mission to get her man back. A minion with the keys to the van followed her.

---

The minion 'designated driver' dropped Drusilla off at Spike's cemetery. She wanted privacy for this next part -- no prying eyes or ears were allowed while she wooed Spike.

Drusilla had had visions about Spike before she'd made the decision to come back to Sunnydale for him. They were frightening visions that made her weep and tremble for hours. There were many possible terrible deaths that awaited Spike if he walked with the Slayer. She realized then that she needed to be with Spike. He was her darling, deadly boy, and it was her duty to love and protect him; protect him from the Slayer, and from himself.

It hadn't been fair of Dru to cast him off the way she did, she'd let her own wants, needs, and pride get in the way of doing what was best for Spike. But now she was going to make things right, like a good mummy would.

Dru had to make him choose the right path, by force, if necessary. This was Spike's last chance to be what he was, to be the man she fell in love with, to be the dark warrior with the heart of a poet he was always meant to be. If he didn't choose wisely... it would be the death of him, in more ways than one. The Slayer would gobble up everything he was, make Spike into nothing more than a shadow, and then the little bitch would spit him out, letting him sacrifice himself for her and her sanitized, dreary world.

Dru had rescued William in an alley over one hundred and twenty years ago -- she vowed to save him again.

Spike was heading back to his crypt to select a few good weapons to take with him. Then he would resume his hunt; it was always a good idea to have a sharp axe or sword at the ready. He would find the mansion in question, he would see how many vampires there were to contend with, and then (depending on how many baddies there were) Spike would either wipe all of them out by himself, or go to Buffy, tell her what he'd learned, and then they could go in as a team.

Spike grinned. "Buffy's gonna be chuffed to bits, I just know it."

But then Spike's smile disappeared, being replaced with a frown. He'd been on a hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride lately -- a thought would make him happy, and then delving deeper into the same thought would depress him.

He thought that Buffy would... what? Hug him? Give him a kiss and her eternal gratitude? Tell him she'd been all wrong about him? Show him one iota of respect?

No, she wouldn't do any of those things. Buffy would probably find some reason to yell at, insult, and hit him. She might even accuse him of being in on the train killings. Like how she’d dismissed the fact that he’d willingly gone with her to fight Glory and protect Dawn -- yeah, he’d gotten knocked out quickly (which was highly embarrassing for Spike), but he’d been there, at her side and ready to do battle, he’d tried to help... She just couldn't seem to give him any credit at all for anything.

Buffy was never going to think of him any differently. She would always hate him. He could do good deeds every day for the rest of his unlife, and she would still hate him.

Spike stopped and closed his eyes. "What the hell am I doing?" he groaned.

Everything was about her; Buffy was virtually all he could think about. Here he was, desperately wanting to gain the favor of a woman who considered him a despicable thing, hoping that she'd just say 'thank you' and smile at him... What kind of wretched poof had he turned into?!

He thought of how low he'd sunk since his heyday. He was formerly Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, scourge of continents, powerful, proud, a dangerous dark warrior. And now he was Spike, Slayer's lapdog, weak, fangless object of disgust, pity, and ridicule. And he was just letting it happen to him.

He didn't have a choice about the chip, but why was he putting himself through the torture of trying to win Buffy's favor? Why did he feel such desperation to get her to notice him and really see him? He could choose to end it and leave town. There was no real reason for him to stay in Sunnydale... except to be around Buffy.

"She'll never love me... she'll never even care about me. I'm... beneath her..." Spike whispered dejectedly. "Why do I let myself think it could ever be any different...?"

The thought occurred again, 'I should just pack up and leave.'

"But I have nowhere else to go..." He was a vamp without a country.

The saddest bit of all was that Spike didn't think putting distance between himself and Buffy (even hundreds of miles or continents) would make him stop thinking about or stop wanting her.

Spike shook his head and continued on to his crypt. “God, I’m gonna drive myself batty with this shit... Just get on with it, wanker,” he mumbled to himself.

He entered the dark crypt, his demon and his love-struck poet still battling it out in his head. His demon sometimes made its displeasure about Spike's decisions known, telling him to do something, anything, evil, before he completely lost his edge. Spike's demon was in love with Buffy too, but it still didn't like Spike letting himself be treated like shit by anyone.

Spike put a hand to his forehead, wishing things were different. Why did he have to work so bloody hard at everything, while some people (Angel) got everything served up to them on a silver platter?

Spike looked up when he heard a strange sound. He looked around suspiciously. Was a demon lurking in the dark, waiting for him? Well, Spike had a lot of pent-up anger inside of him ready to be unleashed on the next poor sod who challenged him.

"Who's there?" Spike asked, balling up his fists, ready to kick ass and beat whoever it was to a bloody pulp.

Her voice came from behind him. "A happy memory, pretty Spike."

Spike turned, astonished when he saw Drusilla emerge from the shadows.

"Look who's come to make everything right again." Dru held a red rose to her cheek and drew it down seductively across her face.

---

Spike and Drusilla were catching up, and she just finished telling him about her adventures in L.A.

Spike could hardly believe Dru was actually here, he'd thought she never wanted to see him again -- her saying so the last time he saw her was the big clue. Her being here wasn't helping the warring factions in his mind get any quieter -- his demon was virtually giddy as a schoolgirl at seeing Dru again -- his Sire, his lover was back for a visit (maybe more).

Spike let Drusilla steer the conversation, he wasn't even sure what to say to her. She was acting as if nothing had happened, like she hadn't shattered his heart into a million pieces. And he didn't want to go over the reasons for their split again, he'd just end up sounding and feeling pathetic. He waited to hear her get to the point, why she'd come back to Sunnydale, which he knew, with Dru, could take a while...

Spike was trying to act nonchalant, as if seeing her again didn't fill him (well, part of him) with joy. "So, uh, let me get this straight. Darla got mojo'd back from the beyond... you vamped her... and now she and you are working on turning Angel into his own bad self again."

Drusilla circled around behind him. "Mmmhmm."

Spike thought, 'Oh brilliant, yeah, let's bring back that insufferable bastard again!' He said (still going for nonchalant), "Sounds fun."

"It is. Like lollipops at the circus. Although... didn't care for Angelus setting us on fire." She touched her cheek and chest, the worst burns left from that unfortunate encounter with Angel.

"And this has got you, what, all nostalgic now, has it?" Spike asked.

"I want us to be a family again, my William." Dru walked up close to him, put her mouth next to his ear and whispered, "Come back with me." She pulled back to look at him.

"To Los Angeles?"

She nodded.

"I've done the whole L.A. scene, Dru. Didn't agree with me." Spike walked away from her. He did not want to go back to that cesspool of a town, and he definitely didn't want to have any part in bringing Angelus back out into the world. On top of all that, Spike was afraid to let Dru know about the chip -- it was humiliating. He didn't want her to know how very far he'd fallen. He couldn't stand it if she pitied him; he had to just pretend all was well.

"Besides, I've got a sweet little setup here in SunnyD." He gestured around the crypt. "Decent digs..." He sat in his armchair, hoping he was acting laid-back convincingly enough to fool her. "Not to mention all the tasty townies I can eat."

Drusilla rubbed one index finger against the other in a scolding gesture, just like she'd done to Buffy earlier in the evening. "Naughty! Shhhh." She put a finger to her lips. "You mustn't make up stories. I already know why you're not coming... Poor boy." She put her hands to her head, seeing Spike's chipping, and the results of it, in her mind's eye again. "Tin soldiers put funny knickknacks in your brain. Can't hunt! Can't hurt! Can't kill!" she said, jerking her head in an imitation of Spike being zapped by the chip each time she said the word 'can't'. She looked at him. "You've got a chip." She tried to put her hands on Spike's head, but he got up from the chair and moved away from her.

Spike's casual facade crumbled now that she'd seen through him; he should have known he couldn't hide anything from her. "Right, so you've heard... Poor Spike's become a cautionary tale for vampires, right? You better be good, kiddies, or else they might wire you up someday!" He kicked an empty box across the room.

Drusilla had been so right -- her poor, darling boy needed her. She could feel his frustration, shame, and fury so keenly. "I don't believe in science. All those bits and molecules no one's ever seen. I trust eyes and heart alone." She walked over to him. "And do you know what mine is singing out right now?"

She took Spike's hand and put it over her heart. Spike stared at her, feeling such a strong sense of déjà vu -- he'd put his hand over her heart countless times over the years, it was one of their 'things' to show their affection and love.

Drusilla went into cheerleader mode, encouraging and convincing him that he could free himself of the prison he was trapped in. "You're a killer. Born to slash... and bash... and..." She gave a gasp of pleasure. "Oh, bleed like beautiful poetry."

Dru could feel their connection again, she could feel her Spike stirring and growing; her deadly boy was still in there, he only needed her to guide him back into the darkness. It was practically orgasmic to feel him coming back to life. She started breathing faster, getting more excited. She held Spike's hand to her chest as they turned in a circle.

"No little tinker toy could ever stop you from flowing."

She was saying the exact right words to reach him, she always knew the right words that would hit him where he lived. What she said was so stimulating, so captivating, to Spike. He wanted so badly to believe her.

Spike was smiling dazedly, falling under her spell, and whispered, "Yeah..."

Drusilla moaned, "Ohhhh."

Spike closed his eyes and shook his head, taking his hand away from her. "But the pain... luv, you don't understand, it's... it's searing." Then he thought that wasn't the best choice of words, considering Angel had set her on fire not too long ago. "It's, um, blinding..."

Dru put her hand on the top of his head and pulled it down toward her. "All in your head. I can see it. Little bit of... plastic, spiderwebbing out nasty blue shocks." She moved her fingers across his head, imitating a spider. "And every one is a lie."

Spike kept his head bowed, letting her touch him -- letting himself get lost in her touch, the sound of her voice, and the fact that she was comforting him, as he'd done her so many times in the past. He wanted to wrap himself up in this moment and wear it like a shroud forevermore. At this moment, he felt loved again, and that's all Spike had ever really wanted.

He had to be with Drusilla again -- Dru could take away all the pain and torment. He could be the way he used to be, not this pitiful shell of his former-self. Chipped, treated like dirt by the Scoobies, and hopelessly in love with the Slayer... His life had never sucked as bad as it did now -- not even when he'd been mortal. But Dru could make it all better. All he needed was his dark goddess by his side. Buffy and this godforsaken town would soon be nothing but bad memories (or so he tried telling himself).

Dru continued, "Electricity lies, Spike. It tells you you're not a bad dog, but you are." She ran her hand around behind his head, and then across his face. She took his chin and lifted his face to hers.

Spike growled with lust and love as they gazed into each other's eyes. Yes, he belonged with Drusilla. Only she understood him; only she loved him. And now he could have it all back -- everything that had been so cruelly stripped away from him. The world could be his again...

Spike closed his eyes and winced at the sound of Harmony's voice.

"What the heck is this?" Harmony asked from the doorway, perturbed and irritated to find her Blondie Bear macking on another woman.

"Oh, bloody hell..." Spike groaned. He'd completely forgotten about Harm, and he'd been hoping she'd completely forgotten about him, too. Like if someone had jangled some shiny keys in front of her. But no such luck. He turned to her as Harmony entered the crypt.

Harm walked over to them, checking out her new 'competition'. "Who is... Oh, wait..." she said with annoyance, "I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Droodzilla." She gave (what she thought was) the Drusilla wannabe a withering look.

Spike only wanted Harmony for one thing, and it wasn't for her sparkling conversational skills and wit. She annoyed the hell out of him. But... she did love him (in her own way), and Spike understood what it felt like to be in love with someone who hated you. So he felt a bit sorry for Harmony as a result. He would finally be done with her for good after this, but wanted to try letting her down in a 'nice' way.

Spike tried to tell her what was going on. "Harm..."

Harmony kept yammering. "You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking. 'Cause my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's," she gestured to Spike, "boy," she gestured in the air, "boy," she gestured to herself, "girl. Or Charlize Theron."

Spike was losing what little patience he had. "Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla."

Dru just watched Spike and Harm interacting with a small smile. 'He doesn't even realize why he really chose this girl as his concubine. She's dumb as a box of rocks and malleable. But he wanted her 'cos she looks like the Slayer... That evil, wicked Slayer seduced my poor Spike. Well... she'll pay the ultimate price for it. Oh yes, it'll be beautiful!'

Harmony was taken off-guard that this was the Drusilla she'd heard so much about. She had wanted to give the bitch a piece of her mind for a long time. "Oh... Well," she walked toward Drusilla, "you've got some nerve showing up here like this. After all this time. After breaking my sweet Boo-Boo's heart."

Dru raised her eyebrows slightly and looked over Harmony's shoulder at Spike, mouthing the words "Boo-Boo". Spike rolled his eyes and shrugged.

Harmony was getting more pissed off at Dru for coming here to their happy little crypt, probably hoping to cause a rift between Harm and her Platinum Baby. "Do you have any idea how hard it's been to break down the walls he put up after you left? I mean, serious trust issues."

"Harm..." Spike just wanted her to go away, why couldn't she just shut up for once? He was trying to be nice, dammit!

Harmony put a hand on her hip and got in Dru's face. "So it's no use you crawling back to him, 'cause Spikey don't play that game any more, Morticia."

Drusilla couldn't believe the little insect, this child, was daring to speak to her like this. How could Spike stand the bint, even if it was just a sexual relationship? Dru put a hand up, trying to block out the sight of Harmony -- if she couldn't see her, maybe the fluffy piece of tail would simply disappear into thin air.

"Oh! You think you're better than me, right? You think you can just ignore me, huh?!" Harm huffed. "Ignore this, bitch!" Harmony just had to mess her up.

She jumped on Dru, knocking her down. She sat on her, hitting and scratching at Drusilla's face. Dru was too shocked to do more than put her arms up and try to protect her face -- it completely surprised her that the daft little bint had the stones to attack her; she hadn't seen that coming. Harmony was stupider than she first seemed, and that was pretty damn stupid.

Spike couldn't tolerate Harmony putting her hands on Drusilla -- no one was ever allowed to touch Dru. His blood boiled, he saw red. Spike had protected, defended, and loved her for so many years, his old instincts took over. He was feeling like his old-self more and more by the minute.

With an angry roar, Spike grabbed Harmony and hauled her off of Dru, and then he threw her across the room toward the door of the crypt. Harmony hit the wall hard and slid down. She looked at Spike, wounded in more ways than one. She couldn't believe he was actually throwing her out for Dorkzilla -- after everything that bitch had done to him!

Spike's eyes flashed golden, he was just barely able to keep from vamping out. "If you EVER lay a fucking hand on her again I'll rip your bloody head off!" he bellowed.

Harm just stared at him fearfully and cowered against the wall; she'd never seen him look or sound so angry.

Spike's rage dissipated quickly, he became instantly gentle and caring as he went to Dru and helped her up. "You alright, pet?" he asked, looking her over for any wounds or marks.

Drusilla nodded as she smoothed down her dress, giving Harmony an icy look. Many ways of killing the blonde were running through her head, it was so hard to choose which one she'd enjoy most. Then she looked back at Spike and smiled, finding his concern for her touching and encouraging. Her sweet Spike always did take such good care of his Drusilla. She'd missed that too -- no one else could pamper her and shower her with as much love and affection as Spike could.

Spike kept his eyes on Dru as he said, "It's been fun while it lasted, Harm, but I think it'd be best now if you hit the road."

Harmony's chin quivered. "Why? Because she's back?"

Spike smiled a little and moved closer to Dru. "No. Because I am."

Dru smiled wider as Harm began getting to her feet. Spike put his arm around Dru's waist and pulled her tightly up against him. Dru loved it so when he grabbed her like that, all rough and demanding.

Drusilla's smile became a full-fledged grin, she could sense the man she loved coming back to her. "And there you are, my darling, deadly boy." She put her hand on the back of his neck, and they kissed. It was like going home for both of them -- they'd missed this more than either of them had ever realized.

Harmony used the wall to help herself stand up. "Fine! Go back with her, I don't care! Don't come crying to me the next time she dumps your ass!"

The kissing vampire couple didn't even seem to know or care that she was still in the room, they just kept right on kissing.

"You suck! I hate you! I hope you both die... like for real!" Harm spat, and then ran out the door, slamming it shut.

---

Earlier, at the Summers' house...

Joyce looked out the front window for the umpteenth time, hoping to see Buffy strolling up the walkway.

"Mom, try to relax," Dawn said, putting a hand on her mother's back. "I'm sure Buffy's just out slaying some demons, she'll be back any minute."

"That's what I thought an hour ago," Joyce fretted, letting the curtain drop back into place. "All she had to do was talk to Spike -- it should not be taking her over two hours to do that."

Willow had been there already, having performed the dis-invite on the house as Buffy had asked. She then called the others when Joyce started getting freaked out an hour ago. She was kind of concerned herself. Buffy had been dreading having 'the talk' with Spike, and if Spike really was in love with Buffy... odds were that he would not take the news well that Buffy wanted nothing to do with him. Giles was busy at the shop, but promised to stop by once he closed up for the night. Giles, like the others, hoped that the problem would be solved by then and Buffy would be safely at home.

Xander, Anya, and Tara had come over to try and help Joyce feel more secure, and to go find Buffy if it became necessary. No one still knew for sure that anything was wrong, it was just Joyce's 'mother's intuition' that told her something had gone horribly wrong.

"Buffy's been out way longer than this before," Dawn pointed out.

"I know... I just have a really, really bad feeling..." Joyce wrung her hands in front of her. She sighed and looked at Dawn, then reached out and stroked her daughter's shiny, dark hair. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that me freaking out is freaking you out too..."

Dawn shook her head. "I'm not freaked or wigged or anything like that. I know it will be okay."

"If anything happened to her... it will be my fault," Joyce said miserably.

"Don't s-say that, Mrs. Summers," Tara consoled her. "That's not true."

"Yes, it will be my fault if Buffy was hurt... I told her she had to deal with... Spike possibly having feelings for her. I encouraged her to go talk to him -- I practically pushed her out the door!" Joyce was on the verge of tears, her voice shook, "I don't know what I'm going to do if she..."

The others tried calming and reassuring her.

"Mom, please don't be so hard on yourself," Dawn said, pouting and hugging her mom. "That was something Buffy had to do, and stuff like that is usually better to do right away -- like ripping off a band-aid. And Spike... he cares about Buffy, he wouldn't hurt her -- even if he could -- I know it."

Joyce hugged Dawn, then took a breath and shook her head. "I know, I need to calm down. It's just this... damn feeling won't go away." She turned to the Scoobies. "I really hate to put all of you out -- for what will probably turn out to be just a case of me being an overprotective mother -- but... could you please go to Spike's and see if Buffy's okay?"

"Sure, of course," Xander quickly agreed. He was worried too, and he would feel a whole world of better to confirm that Buffy was alright.

Joyce smiled a little and nodded. "Thank you so much. I... I bet Buffy will be laughing at me for getting so worked up over nothing... right?"

They all nodded, smiled, and said, "Right."

"Buffy is very tough and strong," Anya said, trying to be supportive and encouraging. "And Spike has a chip in his head, so she could kick his ass from one end of the cemetery to the other if he tried anything funny." She looked at Xander hopefully, and smiled when he nodded, showing her that she said the right thing. Anya had been a bit concerned that she might be too honest about possible danger to Buffy. Anya liked Joyce and didn't want to upset her.

"You're right. Thank you, Anya." Joyce patted her on the arm.

"We'll just get some supplies and then be on our way," Xander said, going to the weapons chest in the living room.

The tea kettle in the kitchen started whistling.

"Any of you want a cup of Chamomile tea before you go?" Joyce asked as she turned toward the kitchen. She wanted them to go find Buffy as soon as possible, but she didn't want to be rude by not offering them a beverage either.

They all thanked her, but declined.

Xander waited until Joyce had left the room. "I swear, if Spike hurt Buffy, I'll..." He raised his hand. "I call dibs on staking his evil ass."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I was wondering when you'd start leading the 'Let's Stake Spike' parade. Spike wouldn't hurt her."

"Are you kidding? You do remember he's a vampire, right? And that he's already tried to kill her lots of times?" Xander asked.

Dawn grumbled, hating being talked to like she was stupid. Spike was the only one who talked to her like an intelligent adult. "I know he's a vampire, Mr. Smartass. First of all, he has the chip. Second, he's in love with her, so he wouldn't want to hurt her."

Xander handed out stakes, crosses, and holy water to Willow and Anya as he talked, "God, Dawn... Just because you have a crush on him, you think Spike's a changed man? He ain't changed, and he ain't no man."

"I do not have a crush on him! Who told you that?!" Dawn colored with embarrassment. It was true, but she didn't want everyone knowing about it.

"Buffy told me. I can't believe you like him." Xander wanted to ask her what ever happened to her little crush on him, but didn't think he should bring it up -- it might make him seem a tad pathetic. "I thought you were smarter than that, Dawnie."

"Oh, you figured out how to choose who makes your heart go pitter-pat?" she asked defensively, putting her hands on her narrow hips. "Unless you forgot, you dated Cordelia, the Bitch Queen of Sunnydale High. And you fell in love with a former Vengeance Demon, so don't lecture me or call me stupid! I believe you also fell for a praying mantis lady, an Incan mummy girl, and --"

"Okay! Point taken... you can't control who you're attracted to. But all those women weren't obvious wrong choices at the time. However, they did turn out to be big-huge, fat mistakes."

Anya raised her eyebrows and gave him a look, she folded her arms across her chest. "Excuse me? I'm a mistake? And I'm fat?!"

"Uh, except for you, of course, Ahn!" Xander backpedaled at the speed of light. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, honey! You're wonderful, beautiful, and very dainty."

Anya looked only slightly appeased by that. "Damn right, I am. And you'd better not forget it, buster!"

Xander sighed and focused back on Dawn. "With all of those bad women -- with the one good example of Anya thrown in -- I didn't know what they were until they tried to kill me or one of my friends. I guess Cordy wasn't technically evil... My point is, you know what Spike is and you still have this... this crush on him."

"What do you want me to say, Xander? That I'm an idiot? Fine, I'm an idiot. That's how all of you treat me anyway." Dawn turned her back on them.

"I'm just trying to help you see the truth, Dawn."

"Which is?" she asked without turning around.

"Spike hasn't changed, he's still a bloodthirsty demon and he wouldn't hesitate to kill Buffy or any of us if he could. That includes you."

Dawn shook her head, looking haughty as she turned to face him again. "Not true. Well, he might kill you, because you can be such a butthole -- like right now, for instance -- but not the rest of us. Buffy's the last person he'd want to kill. I don't care what you say -- Spike loves her and wouldn't hurt her."

"Even if she was telling him that he had zero chance with her? Normal, soul-having humans have been known to go on violent rampages when their affection was spurned. He's a soulless demon who's already one pudding cup short of a snack pack. 'Nuff said?"

Dawn crossed her arms, looking away defiantly. She still didn't believe Spike would actually hurt Buffy. There was a tiny seed of doubt planted in her mind by Xander's words, though. Maybe she felt so certain because she just didn't want to believe Spike would harm her sister...?

"Are you going to stay here and bitch at me all night, or are you actually going to look for Buffy?" Dawn asked, giving him a cold look.

Xander shook his head, giving up for now. Dawn had herself convinced that Spike was 'cool', and she wasn't ready to accept the truth. "Yeah, we'd better get going. The sooner we find out Buffy's okay, the better."

Willow took Tara aside while Dawn and Xander were exchanging words.

"Tara, you can stay here with Mrs. Summers and Dawn, we can handle this."

"You trying to keep me safe, huh?" Tara asked with a little smile and taking Willow's hand in hers.

Willow smiled back. "That's always my main goal, yeah. I also just think you're needed here more. You have a serene, calming presence, and I think Mrs. Summers could use a large dose of serenity."

"I worry about you too, you know? I don't like the thought of you being in possible danger, either."

"I've been patrolling with Buffy for years and years, I'll be fine. And I'll have Xander with me. Big, strong Xander. And Anya -- she fights dirty."

"Okay, I'll stay here then, if you're really sure?"

Willow nodded. "I think it would be for the best, and it will make me feel a lot better to know I don't have to worry about you getting hurt."

Tara gave Willow a quick kiss. "Just... be careful, alright?"

Willow smiled. "Promise."

Then Tara glanced at the others and asked in a quiet voice, "What do you really think? Is Buffy in any danger from Spike?"

Willow took a breath. "I... I don't think so. But there's that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind... he has tried to kill her before..."

They reassured Joyce that "everything will be fine" one more time before setting off for Spike's crypt.

---

The noise from Harmony slamming the crypt door caused Spike and Dru to break their kiss and look at the door.

"Oh no... the blonde piggy left before I could slit her throat and remove her guts..." Dru pouted for a moment, but then smiled again. "Got too lost in your sweet, hungry kiss, I did," she said, lightly touching Spike's lips.

Spike play-bit at her fingers, smiling devilishly. "I got a bit lost too... That's how it's always been with you, baby. Nothing and no one else exists when I'm with you..." He took a breath, giving his brain a chance to un-fog. "But don't worry 'bout Harm, she's not even worth the effort to kill -- I know, I've tried. I shouldn't've let her walk out of here after she tried hurting you..."

"You've got a big heart," Dru said, putting her hand on his chest. "I was just tellin'... I was just thinkin' that a few hours ago -- what a big, spacious heart my sweet William's got." She'd almost let the cat out of the bag and said that she'd had a chat with Buffy earlier, and that wouldn't do. Buffy was the big surprise. "You let the little doe scamper off into the forest instead of slaughtering her 'cos of your big heart. I'm not cross with you for it." Drusilla might have made the decision to spare Harmony's life. After all, the silly bint had kept Spike amused for a while when he was lonely. Spike still got starry-eyed over the Slayer on Harmony's watch, but that had been set in motion long ago, long before he'd even met Harmony.

"S'not a matter of havin' a big heart." Spike smirked and wound his arms around her small waist. "You distracted me usin' your feminine wiles."

Dru giggled and wriggled happily in his embrace. "Spike, how could you stand bein' around that girl? She makes the pixies cover their ears and burrow in the dirt."

Spike shrugged. "What can I say? I got lonely and needed companionship. See what you dumpin' me reduced me to?" He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Aww." Dru pouted and stroked his cheek. "I'll never let you go again, my pretty Spike. I'm yours, forever and always."

He growled and held her tighter. "You'd better bloody well mean that -- this time."

"I do mean it, my love. I know it was a mistake to leave you, to hurt you, the way I did... I had to kill a wretched old man to get a ticket and come to you, back to this dreadful town, to beg for your forgiveness. I didn't like him, he got stuck in my teeth and he was too gamy for my tastes."

"A ticket..." Spike connected the dots. Clem said one of the big bads was a girl with burns on her face and chest. Why hadn't that occurred to him before now? Why? Because his mind was too consumed with Dru being here and wanting him, he'd temporarily gone as daft in the noggin as Harmony, not being able to come to a simple, logical conclusion. He released his hold on Dru and stepped back. "It was you. You're the one who killed those people on the train."

Drusilla grinned and winked at him, picking at her teeth. "Mmmm, and they were scrumptious! The porter was like the juicy cherry on top of the sundae. He went *squish!* when I bit into him. He begged for mercy, and you know that only makes me bite harder." She playfully snapped her jaws at him.

"You think that was... smart, pet? Calling attention to your presence like that... The Slayer is looking into it, she's gonna be after you."

"I'm not afraid of that little girl," she tittered. "Let 'er come find me." Killing the people on the train hadn't been a sudden impulse -- Drusilla had planned on doing that all along. What better way to start the festivities than to kill on the Slayer's home turf and leave the dead bodies as a present for her? It was like spitting in the little bitch's smug face, and that's the message Dru wanted to send.

"Dru..." Spike said uneasily, "don't underestimate her. She only spared you last time 'cos I --"

Dru put two fingers to his lips. "Tut-tut. Let us not speak of sad things, dear William. The next train full of delicious passengers will be ours for the taking." Drusilla put her arms around his neck, leaning her body into his. "It will be glorious."

Spike put an arm around her waist and rested his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of being in her arms once again. But, even now, he felt conflicted; he hated feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions at once. He wanted Dru, but she'd broken his heart. He should just tell her to piss off... but he couldn't. Spike wanted to forget all about Buffy and his feelings for her... but he couldn't just wish them away. He'd tried, and wishing didn't make it so. If he immersed himself in his renewed relationship with Drusilla, focused solely on her and her happiness, maybe his thoughts of Buffy would be reduced from shouts to whispers, letting him bury his unrequited love for her until he couldn't feel it anymore. Yes, being with Drusilla would make it all better.

Spike had felt so lost for so long: his confusion about his feelings for Buffy; the frustration and depression over having to change his life and lifestyle drastically; the feeling of being like a feather caught in a windstorm, being tossed to and fro by forces beyond his control. He didn't know where or in what category he belonged. But Drusilla coming back to him made his old, happy life seem possible again. Being his old-self again was very appealing; everything had been so simple back then. Spike had been the master of his domain, feared, powerful, and loved by his woman. He desperately wanted to feel like he belonged somewhere, anywhere again.

Dru took his free hand and set it on the center of her chest again.

Spike smiled, pressing his palm against her chest and rubbing the way she liked. "I missed you so much, pet. Feels like I've gone back in time... Let's pretend the last few years never happened, yeah?"

Dru caressed the back of his head, her fingers playing in his soft, platinum locks. "Yes, before Sunnydale... when all was right. The world is ours, my love." She gently pulled his head down and kissed his forehead. "You're still afraid of the jolts the chip gives you," she said astutely.

"I want to believe you're right... that it's just an illusion, but if it's just a case of mind over matter... You don't know how bloody hard I fought it, Dru." Spike swallowed hard and shut his eyes tightly. "I tried so bloody hard... I couldn't..."

"Then I'll add my will to yours. Nothing and no one can stand against both of us, Spike. Look at me." She tugged on his hair lightly.

Spike raised his head and looked into her eyes.

"Be in me... Be in my eyes," Drusilla said softly, gazing deeply into his blue eyes. She swayed slightly to the left and then to the right, and Spike swayed along with her, his eyes glassy and unfocused. He was seduced and open to her suggestions. She smiled with gratification; she knew this would work.

Her voice was musical, lifting and caressing him. "The chip is nothing but lies, it tricks you. But it cannot stop you from doin' as you like -- that's just what they want you to think. You are Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, scourge of continents, you're a force of Nature -- and the bits those naughty soldiers put in your brain will not stop you from regaining your glory. You will not feel the pain anymore. No more shocks. No more jolts an' jags. It will wash gently over you like an ocean wave. You will not feel pain from it ever again. Do you understand?"

Spike nodded imperceptibly and whispered, "Yes."

"Good." Dru broke the trance by gently kissing him on the lips, which was in sharp contrast to the fierce slap she'd given Buffy to bring her out of her trance.

Spike blinked and smiled at her. He was amazed by how quickly and easily Dru could work her will on someone; he'd nearly forgotten what a talent she had for it. His black princess really was a special girl. "Do you think that's all it could really take? The power of suggestion can undo what those bloody soldiers did to me?"

"One way to find out." Dru took his hand and walked to the door. "The hunt is on -- tallyho!" she laughed.

He swallowed and smiled weakly. "Right." Spike's head jerked toward the door -- he could hear people talking in hushed tones outside.

"Oh, bloody hell..." Spike was afraid of what Buffy and her friends would do if they found Drusilla here. Buffy or Dru would end up dead -- the thought of either one of them dying was more than he could bear.

"You have to hide," he told Drusilla in a rushed whisper.

"Why? Let them come. Let's kill them together. They can be your guinea pigs!" Dru went into game face and grinned. She clicked her fingernails together, and then wriggled her fingers at the door in a beckoning gesture. "Step into my parlor, ripe little flies, I want to tell you a secret!"

"Don't argue with me, Dru! Just hide!" Spike said firmly.

She frowned, but did as he asked. It disturbed her that Spike didn't want to butcher the Slayer's friends. That he cared anything about those tiny, insignificant gnats was troubling. Hopefully she wasn't too late and Spike could still be saved...

---

The Scoobies approached Spike's crypt, talking low.

"Don't say anything about how he allegedly loves Buffy," Willow said. "Maybe it's not true, or maybe she didn't talk to him yet."

"Yeah, or maybe she told him and he went into a rage like the Incredible Hulk..." Xander was always very quick to expect the worst when it came to Spike.

"Why is everyone assuming Spike can hurt Buffy?" Anya asked, confused. "If he could beat her up, he wouldn't have let her treat him like shit all this time."

"She treats him how he deserves to be treated," Xander said with a nod. "Don't make it sound like Buffy's unfair to him. Hell, if it was up to me, we still would've dusted him after the chipping. So, Buffy's actually been more than fair to him -- she let him go on existing."

Anya rolled her eyes. She loved Xander, but his anti-Spike speechifying got on her nerves sometimes.

"I don't actually think Spike did anything to her," Willow tried explaining her jumbled thoughts on the matter. "But... we never know what the heck is going to happen next in Sunnydale. I don't want to discount any possibilities. Checking here," she nodded at the crypt in front of them, "is the first logical step to finding Buffy. If she's still here, then great, problem solved! If not, then we can ask Spike if he's talked to her, and if so, if she said where she was going next."

"Let's hope she really did just decide to go patrolling instead of talking to Captain Peroxide," Xander said. "He's gonna be in a really bad mood if Buffy had 'the talk' with him already."

"What if she's not here and Spike tells us he hasn't seen her?" Anya wondered.

"Then... Tara and I will do a locator spell back at the house. We'll track her down; it'll be okay." Willow knocked on the door.

"What are you doing?" Xander whispered.

"Knocking. What's it look like?" Willow knocked again.

"Yes, but why are you knocking? You're giving him a chance to hide --"

"Who's there?" Spike called from inside (though he knew exactly who was there).

"Um, it's us, Spike," Willow replied. "Can we come in and talk to you for a minute?"

"Hold on."

Xander whispered, "He's probably doing something to erase evidence that Buffy was, or is, here. Why did you give him any warning?!"

"Xander, shush!" Willow said, giving him a scowl.

After a small delay, Spike opened the door, barring the doorway with his arm.

Spike was very relieved to find that Buffy wasn't with her friends. Whatever happened, at least the two women he loved wouldn't be fighting to the death in front of him. "Well, 'bout time the Scooby Welcome Wagon came to welcome me to the neighborhood. Did you bring me a cake and a basket of coupons for discounts at local shops?"

"What took you so long to open the door?" Xander asked suspiciously.

"I was naked. Didn't fancy answering the door in the raw and giving you lot a free show."

"Oh..." Xander gulped and grimaced. "I'm suddenly glad we didn't just barge in now."

"What do you want?" Spike asked impatiently.

"Have you seen Buffy?" Willow asked.

"No, haven't seen her," Spike said quickly. He felt a stab of anxiety, worrying that something had happened to Buffy. But he was done thinking about the Slayer (he harshly reminded himself); whatever happened to her was of no consequence to him... "Why? Is... something wrong?" Spike asked, feeling and sounding more concerned than he wanted to.

Willow answered, "We don't know if anything's wrong or not. It's just that Buffy's been gone a few hours and we don't know where she is. Her mom said she mentioned coming by here... I guess she wanted to see if you wanted to help patrol."

Spike sniffed. "I just got in a little while ago m'self, I wouldn't know if she came by earlier. She's probably just merrily slaying demons somewhere else."

"That's what we're hoping too. But her mom and Dawn are getting really worried, so we're looking. Could you tell her we're looking for her if you see her?" Willow asked.

Spike nodded. "Y'know, occasionally she does need some time to herself without anyone keeping tabs. Must drive her 'round the bend havin' to let people know where she'll be twenty-four hours a bloody day."

"Well, considering the crazy-dangerous line of work our friend's in, we're happier knowing she's okay or if she needs our help," Xander said.

Anya was biting her tongue, because she just knew she'd blurt out something she shouldn't. She preferred being direct, not playing games or beating around the bush. They should just ask Spike if he attacked Buffy -- but Anya wasn't in charge, Willow was, apparently. She wasn't sure who put Willow in charge... if there had been a vote, Anya had missed it.

Xander leaned to the left, trying to see inside the crypt.

Spike moved into Xander's line of sight, scowling at him. "Eh, what're you doin'?"

"You're blocking the doorway and you seem twitchier than usual -- I was trying to see if Buffy was in there."

"I told you, she ain't here."

"Yeah, but you also lie a lot. Mind if we come in and have a quick peek?" Xander took a step forward.

Spike put a hand on Xander's chest and kept him from advancing. "Matter of fact, I do mind. Piss off!" He gave Xander a little push. It wasn't a 'shove', which would have normally made his chip go off, but Xander got the message.

Xander brushed off the spot on his shirt that Spike had touched. "Gee, why am I getting the impression there's something you don't want us seeing in there, Spike?"

"I think I have a say in whether or not I want you in my home. I'm the only one here -- I don't bloody well know where Buffy went off to, but she ain't here!"

Drusilla was in the lower level of the crypt, but Spike knew she was waiting just on the other side of the trapdoor. He also knew that she would spring from her hiding place and kill them if they set foot inside the crypt. He told himself he was only trying to spare the Scoobies' lives because it would make the Slayer go mental and hunt him and Dru to the ends of the Earth, they'd never get a moment's peace. It wasn't because he'd grown the least bit... fond of these annoying humans... Nope. Well.. maybe he could let only Xander come in...? Nah.

"Okay, we're going," Willow said, taking Xander's arm and pulling him away from the crypt. "Just let us know if you see Buffy, alright, Spike?"

"Yeah, I'll be sure to do that. Bye now!" Spike waved, then ducked back into the crypt and closed the door.

"He's hiding something." Xander glanced back over his shoulder. "Why wouldn't he just let us have a quick look?"

"Spike doesn't like you," Anya explained. "Of course he doesn't want you in his house. You should have let me or Willow ask nicely instead of just trying to bully your way in. I could have flashed some cleavage, that might have gotten us in. That also works for getting out of speeding tickets."

"I think we should just go back there, push Spike out of the way, and look around. He did something, I know it," Xander insisted.

Anya hooked arms with Xander. "He seemed concerned when Willow said Buffy was missing. I've been watching procedural crime dramas lately, and they've taught me that paying attention to a suspect's facial expressions can give away guilt. I don't think Spike knows where Buffy is, judging by his reaction. But he is hiding something."

"So... what do we do now?" Xander asked. He thought Spike had either incapacitated Buffy and had her tied up in the crypt, or Spike knew a lot more than he was saying.

Willow took a deep breath, trying not to let her anxiety get the better of her. "We go back to Buffy's house, and then Tara and I do a locator spell. We'll find out for sure if Spike's got her stashed somewhere in the crypt..."

---

Dru licked her fingertips, imagining how sweet the Slayer's friends' blood would've been. "You should've let them come in, Spike. I'm peckish." She made a whining sound.

Spike put his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "Sorry, baby. But I know those wankers, they're trickier than they look. And I don't want anything tainting this occasion. If something happened to you..." He frowned and ran his hand lightly over her hair. He still wasn't sure that he could protect her... despite her assurances that the chip wouldn't hurt him anymore, and he didn't want to take any chances with the Slayer's friends -- one lucky thrust of a stake could crush his hopes of starting a new life with Dru. The Scoobies killing Dru, or Dru killing the Scoobies -- both scenarios were disturbing to Spike.

"Nothing's gonna happen to me, my love. Don't you fret." Dru nibbled at his chin. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes! We were gonna go on a hunt! Just like old times."

Spike was excited at the prospect of hunting again. No... it wasn't only 'excitement'. There was anxiety too. Why would he be hesitant or afraid? This is what he'd wished for, thousands of times, since he'd gotten chipped.

'It's 'cos I've been conditioned by the bloody chip, that's what it is -- like Pavlov's bloody dog! Biting someone equals pain. Those bastards will pay for what they've done to me... But I can do it; I can get past this... skittishness. I can be who I was -- what I was -- before any of this happened. Just like Dru said.'

It was more than that and he knew it, whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not. Being corrected by the chip was a valid concern (if Dru's hypnotic talents proved no match for technology), but he'd also promised himself not long ago that he'd try to change his ways -- for Buffy.

'Why am I even thinking about that bitch?' Spike asked himself, shaken that his thoughts had turned to her, yet again. 'I don't need her and her shit anymore! Letting her treat me like dirt all this time... Her and her bloody groupies will be lucky if Dru and I don't slaughter the lot of them before we leave for greener pastures! I hope Buffy's alright... wonder where she ran off to...?' Spike growled softly and clenched his jaw, trying with all his might not to care about Buffy's welfare. 'Oh God... am I going to go completely sack of hammers before this is over?'

"What hunting ground should we try first, Spike?" Dru asked, running her hands up his arms. She could sense his ambivalence, fear, and hesitation, but she knew she could help him get back on the right path.

"I've got a better idea, why don't we just leave town together right now? I'll just grab some of my stuff and --" Spike started toward the lower level, but Drusilla took him by the arm.

"Not yet. Patience, my sweet."

Spike blew out a frustrated breath. "But the longer we stick around... Something always comes along to fuck up our plans in this bloody town."

"You mean, her. You're worried the Slayer will try to ruin it."

"She will," Spike said with grave certainty. "If she gets wind that you're back in town, she'll come after you... after us. I told you she's lookin' for who did the train killings."

"Everything will come up pennywhistles and moonbeams!" Dru laughed and smiled. "I know it will be alright." She tapped lightly on her forehead. "Trust your princess."

Spike closed his eyes and nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah, okay. I'll just... trust you."

Drusilla walked around the room, thinking. "Let's try that club everyone in this rat hole of a town seems to like, the Bronze, for starters. Lots of tasties for us to sample there." She closed her eyes and slowly rolled her shoulders, moving to a tune in her head. "All burstin' with alcohol and hormones, just waitin' for us to come to the buffet."

Of course, the word "buffet" made him think of Buffy again. Part of Spike was whooping with joy at the prospect of hunting again. But... he found himself filled with trepidation too. If he killed in Buffy's town, she would come after him. He would have to kill her or be killed himself.

Spike felt a myriad of emotions at once. He felt dread and sadness at the thought of having to kill Buffy -- he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't just pretend he didn't love her anymore. And then he felt shame and anger because he should be able to do it. Damn that Slayer! Every time he thought of her, it made him revert to thinking like a weak-willed pansy again.

"You mustn't worry so, my William," Dru said soothingly as she danced over to him. "You're a magnificent, savage beast." She put her hands on his chest and slid them up around his neck. "I can't wait to see you bein' all properly savage again." She growled lustily and lightly bit at his cheek.

"Yeah... it's gonna be... brilliant! Can't wait to get back to... to being my true self again." Spike tried psyching himself up, his voice getting husky and deeper. "I'm not confused about where I fit in anymore -- I'm a creature of the night, I'm a killer. I'm dangerous... I'm evil."

"Ohh yes, yes you are," Drusilla moaned, gripping his shoulders. "You'll rip, and tear, and shred, and bathe in the blood of the innocent once again." She took his hand and led him to the door, excited at the thought of seeing Spike feed again.

Spike stopped and let go of her hand. "Wait."

Drusilla turned back to him, worried that he was losing his resolve. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I need to... slip into something more comfortable first," Spike said, looking down at his clothes.

He'd worn these unusual clothes (unusual for him, anyway) to try to be different... to try to look "normal", to show that he wasn't the same Spike who'd come to town and tried to slay the Slayer, to show that he had changed. He needed to slip into his old clothes, which would help him slip into his old persona again. No more pretending he was something he wasn't; no more trying to change to please someone he had no chance of pleasing. William the Bloody was back.

"Ooh, the coat!" Drusilla grinned and clapped her hands. "Yes please, I want to see you in the coat again! Oh, how I've missed that!"

Spike smirked. It made him happy to see Dru happy. "Anything for you, baby."

Buffy watched Drusilla leave the mansion, feeling only a little bit relieved. Yes, the crazy bitch was going to leave her alone for a while, but now Buffy was left helpless, bleeding, and chained up with a bunch of fledgling vampires circling her like vultures in the desert. She saw the hungry looks they were giving her, though they kept at the chores Dru had left for them.

The numerous places on her body where Dru had cut her were hot and stinging, Buffy's left hand was thumping and screaming with pain; she felt like she had a split lip, a black eye, and maybe a few bruised or cracked ribs, too.

Buffy thought her chances of surviving this weren't looking good...

A male vampire with long, brown hair and a Metallica t-shirt was staring at her longer than the other vamps, he was practically drooling, and he was moving closer. Buffy swallowed a lump of fear -- this vamp would've been easy for her to dust under normal circumstances, but being shackled, beaten, and bleeding were far from normal circumstances. It was terrifying to imagine what might come next: he would attack her, and then the others would be spurred into action and jump on her, as well. Buffy remembered a nature film she'd seen once -- a cow had tried crossing a shallow river in the Amazon, only to be enveloped by a school of hungry piranha. There was nothing left of the cow except bones after the piranhas had finished their feeding frenzy... Was that Buffy's fate -- to end up nothing but a manacled skeleton?

"What are you lookin' at?" Buffy asked, trying to sound tough and strong.

"Lunch!" the vampire replied with a laugh.

"Your Mistress left orders that none of you could touch me," Buffy reminded him in as even a voice as she could manage.

He shrugged, still smiling. "Well, she ain't here right now, is she?"

The one Drusilla had called 'Joshua' shoved the other vampire away from Buffy.

"Hey! What the fuck, man?!" Metallica Vamp cried, stumbling. He turned and growled at Joshua.

"You heard Mistress Dru -- no one goes near the Slayer, except me! Stay away from her or I'll dust your sorry ass. I'm serious!" He pulled a stake out of his jacket to show he wasn't joking.

Metallica Vamp pointed at Buffy. "We've got the fuckin' Slayer chained up in the same room with us -- and we're not going to eat her? Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?!"

"Mistress Drusilla said --"

"'Mistress Dru, Mistress Dru'," Metallica Vamp mocked. "You're 'Mistress Dru' whipped, man! You love her so much, why don't you fuckin' marry her!? She treats you like shit, why would you want to follow her orders?"

"If you can't control your bloodlust around the Slayer, then go outside and help guard the house," Joshua said calmly. Being given authority by Dru had made him feel more confident, and even smarter, than he'd ever felt before; he wanted to make her proud of him. He was enjoying being her second-in-command. "I'm in charge, and I say you aren't touching the Slayer. End of story."

"I can't believe this..." Metallica Vamp addressed the other minions, "Are all of you just gonna go along with what 'orders' you were given?! We're vampires! We don't take orders! We can drain the Slayer, and you're gonna pass that up?!"

The others looked tempted, but they were deeply conflicted. But, in the end, they were more afraid of what Drusilla might do to them if they disobeyed her.

"Drusilla ain't even here, and you guys are scared shitless of her? Well, I'm not. I'm gonna have a snack."

Metallica Vamp hadn't taken two steps toward Buffy before Joshua staked him. He looked surprised for a moment, and muttered, "You motherfu-!" and then he burst into a cloud of dust.

Joshua looked at the other minions. "Anyone else want to try snacking on the Slayer?"

They shook their heads and quickly went back to work.

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. Her fears of being the object of a vampire feeding frenzy faded. It seemed that she'd be 'safe' until Dru returned.

"Don't relax too much, Slayer," Joshua said with an evil smile as he tucked the stake back into his jacket. "By the end of the night, you might only wish we'd killed you before the Mistress came back. And if your friends show up? It'll be a bloodbath. Oh man, that'll be great!"

Buffy just glowered at him. She really wanted to say something quippy and insulting -- but she'd heard Dru say that Joshua was allowed to hit her if he wanted to -- so she was keeping mum for now.

"Hey, Dave," Joshua called to another minion. "Bring me that box of decorations over there, would ya?"

'Dave' brought the box over and set it down on the pile of dust formerly known as 'Metallica Vamp'. On the side of the cardboard box, the word 'SLAYER' was written in black magic marker. It was written in that fancy, old-fashioned script found in many of Giles' books -- Buffy guessed that Drusilla had written it herself.

Buffy thought she recognized Dave from back in high school. He had a mop of shaggy blond hair, was wearing faded blue jeans, and a t-shirt with a yellow smiley face with a bleeding bullet hole in the middle of its forehead. Dave was one of the stoners who hung out on the lawn playing Frisbee and smoking weed, if she wasn't mistaken.

"Dude, you're really gonna... put that stuff on her, huh?" Dave asked, looking in the box.

"The Mistress said it was important." Joshua kneeled down and started going through the decorations.

"You don't think Mistress Dru is kind of..."

Joshua looked sharply up at him. "Don't use the c-word!"

"Huh? No, I was gonna say 'crazy'."

"That is the c-word. Never say that about her... never say the other c-word either. She's been around longer than all of us combined! She's smart, and she's just kind of a... free-spirit, yeah, that's what it's called."

Dave shrugged. "Whatever. Hey, I heard the Slayer has witchy amigos. What if they show up throwing fireballs or something like that at us? That would be a total buzz-kill."

"The Mistress thought of everything." Joshua smiled and took some streamers out of the box. "You remember that weird demon with the purple skin that was here?"

"No way, Dude! You saw it too? I thought I just got hold of some bad 'ludes!"

Joshua rolled his eyes. "He was some kind of guy-witch or wizard or something, whatever they call themselves. Anyway, he put... wards, I think the word was, on the mansion. Anti-magic things. No spells, except for the ones the Mistress allows, will work in or around the property. So we can kill the Slayer's friends real easy while they're trying to conjure their fireballs."

Buffy was more worried now, if being more worried was even possible. If there really were anti-magic wards on the mansion, then a locator spell wouldn't work. And even if her friends did manage to track her down without magic, they would have to face at least ten bloodthirsty vamps (she didn't know how many more could be lurking outside) who were chomping at the bit to kill someone. Buffy's only hope was that Spike would try to help her when Drusilla brought him back with her.

Again, Buffy thought her chances weren't looking good...

She thought about that hallucination or vision (whatever the hell it was) that Drusilla had made her have. The 'Officer and a Gentleman' ending had been weird -- where the hell did that come from? But what was even weirder were the things she thought and felt about Spike in the vision... He'd looked so handsome to her, seemed so brave. She'd cast him as the big hero in her vision -- if only that could be possible in the real world...

Without Dru here interrogating her, Buffy could admit to herself that what she'd felt had been more than simple gratitude toward Spike. Buffy was attracted to him on a physical level, and she sometimes thought if things were different... Illusion Spike might have been capable of love, but that was just a crazy hallucination. Non-hallucinatory soulless vampires still weren't capable of loving anyone. So, that meant that Buffy was up Shit Creek without a paddle -- if Spike didn't love her, he wouldn't care if she died or not.

Why did the thought of him enjoying or taking part in hurting her make her feel so... betrayed? The chip was only holding Spike back, forcing him to make nice with Buffy, her friends, and family. He was like a serial killer in prison -- and it seemed, with Drusilla coming back to him, he'd finally come up for parole. She shouldn't be surprised or feel any sense of betrayal at the thought of Spike wanting to hurt her... he was a soulless fiend, she'd always known this day would come eventually.

Joshua started hanging colorful ribbons and streamers on Buffy's arms and around her neck.

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy frowned, trying in vain to move away from him.

"Decorating you." He took a big, shiny purple bow and stuck it on top of Buffy's head.

She shook her head, trying to get the bow off.

"Don't do that," Joshua said, smacking her on top of the head, and then fixing the bow. "Next time I'll put your lights out, Slayer."

Buffy glared at him. Unfortunately, looks alone couldn't kill, otherwise he would've been dusty.

Joshua continued sticking colorful bows and hanging streamers all over her, and Buffy just had to stay still or risk getting beaten up.

"You see how crazy Dru is, don't you?" Buffy asked him. She didn't hope to win him over and get him on her side, but she just had to ask why any vampire would hitch their wagon to Dru's crazy-ass star.

"Didn't you hear me before when I said no one was allowed to use the c-word about the Mistress?"

"What's your deal? Do you have a crush on her or something?"

Joshua shrugged and looked away sheepishly.

"Ewww." Buffy grimaced.

"Shut up! She's a lot hotter than you, Slayer!"

"In her dreams maybe," Buffy said. She wasn't conceited, but she thought she was way hotter than Drusilla. Dru was too bony, for one thing.

Dave laughed, admiring how Buffy looked now that she was all decorated. "Totally awesome!"

Joshua stepped back to check his work. "Does she look like a 'bloody rainbow piñata' to you? That's what the Mistress said she wanted her to look like when I was done."

"Did she mean a rainbow piñata that's like bleeding, or did she say 'bloody' like those British dudes say it?" Dave asked.

"Umm... I'm not sure. Mistress Dru wants everything to be perfect for Spike. I hope I don't fuck anything up..." Joshua worried.

"I don't know about that guy... I mean, I totally respect the fact that he's kicked major ass in the past. And coolest of all," he snorted a laugh and looked at Buffy, "he killed two Slayers. But word on the street is that Spike's a traitor to his own kind now. He kills dudes like us just for kicks. And hasn't he helped this chick a few times?" Dave jerked a thumb at Buffy. "That's totally bogus!"

Joshua gave him a warning look. "Don't say anything bad about Spike around Drusilla."

"Hey, I ain't crazy -- I know not to insult Mistress Dru's hunny-bunny right in front of her. But she ain't here. I also heard that Spike's got the hots for the Slayer, it's like he's in love with her or somethin'."

Buffy's eyes went wide. 'Holy shit, does *everyone* think Spike is in love with me?!' she thought, shaking her head in disbelief.

"The Mistress wouldn't have come back here for Spike if she wasn't sure about him. She's, like, brilliant -- and psychic! She knows what she's doing."

Dave regarded Buffy. "Well... Mistress D did do that to the Slayer, so I guess you're right. Drusilla is one bad mamma-jamma."

"Didn't I save your sorry ass a few times in high school?" Buffy asked Dave. "And I tossed your Frisbee back to you once. Do you have enough brain cells left to remember high school?"

"Oh yeah, I remember you, Slayer. You 'saved' me from becoming a vampire... for a while, anyway. But you don't know how awesome it is to be a vampire -- you never get old, you've got super-strength, and you live for-freaking-ever. The only drawback is the no sunlight thing... and you gotta smoke a whole shitload of weed to get a good buzz goin'. Other than that, being a vamp is totally bitchin'. So you weren't doin' me no favors by delaying my turning."

Buffy shook her head. "Yeah, and all you have to do in exchange for all those 'gifts' is lose any trace of your humanity, let a demon set up shop in your body, and murder people in cold blood forever and ever."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Dave laughed. He elbowed Joshua who was also laughing.

"You know Drusilla thinks crazy stuff like pixies talk to her, right?" Buffy asked. "She's completely out of her mind -- she could kill any of you at any time for no reason."

Dave stayed silent, looking a little unsettled, like he'd considered that too -- but then, he'd seen pixies a time or two himself; that Maui Wowie was some good, THC-infested shit.

Joshua growled at her. "Shut up, Slayer!"

"Drusilla could kill any one of you on a whim -- like maybe a pixie or a leprechaun will tell her to stake you," Buffy said, raising her voice to let the others hear. "There's not a whole lotta job security working for a crazy bit--"

And that was all Buffy was able to say before Joshua punched her in the face and knocked her out.

"That was fun," he said, and then brought his fist to his mouth and licked the traces of her blood off his knuckles. "Dave, could you program the CD player? The song list is right next to the stereo."

---

The atmosphere was tense at the Summers' house.

Everyone was getting more worried about Buffy. More time had gone by with no sign of or word from the Slayer. She would have called to at least check in at home by now. They knew that Buffy was concerned about her family (with Glory trying to hunt down the Key), so it was strange that Buffy wouldn't call to see if all was quiet on the home front if she planned on being out late on patrol.

They felt even more discouraged when Willow and Tara's locator spell went wonky -- it showed several possible locations on the map of the city where Buffy could be. One of those spots of light on the map was right about where Spike's crypt was located.

The Scoobies didn't know it, but Drusilla's anti-magic wards were what made the spell go wrong. The spell bounced off the magical barrier at the mansion, and instead of showing Buffy's current location, all of the other places Buffy had been over the last day lit up on the map. The witches couldn't be sure what had caused the spell to go wonky.

Joyce and Dawn went into the kitchen together to make some more of that calming Chamomile tea.

With the Summers women out of earshot, Xander had the chance to pose a frightening, bone chilling question that made him sick to even suggest: Did the multiple locations mean that Buffy could be... in pieces around the city?

But Willow and Tara assured him that the lights on the map wouldn't be so bright if Buffy was dead; the lights would be dim; the brightness of the lights was reassuring. Buffy could be in a place where magic didn't work, or she could be near, or wearing, an object that 'scrambled' spells.

Xander was still convinced that Spike had something to do with Buffy's disappearance. The others agreed that a return visit to the crypt was in order, since the crypt was one of the sites that lit up on the map. This time they would have to insist that Spike let them in; they had to be sure Buffy wasn't there. And if Spike was cleared as a 'suspect', he might prove useful in finding Buffy -- maybe he could track her with his vampire senses.

In the kitchen, Joyce was trying her best not to totally freak out, but it wasn't easy. Spike had told the others that he hadn't even seen Buffy this evening. So... where could she be? As she'd said earlier, Joyce just had a feeling that something was wrong, that Buffy was in danger.

"Why don't I go talk to Spike?" Dawn suggested as she poured a cup of tea for her mother. "He likes me better than the rest of the Scoobies, and I think he trusts me."

"Absolutely not," Joyce said, shaking her head.

"Mom, if they're sure that Spike knows something, I can get him to tell me what it is."

"I already have one missing daughter, I'm not letting you out of this house. You're staying right here where I know you're safe." She put her arms protectively around Dawn and hugged her, kissing the top of her head.

"You don't really think Spike did something to Buffy, do you?" Dawn asked. "I know he wouldn't hurt her, Mom."

Joyce took a breath. "I don't want to believe that he would hurt her... but he is a vampire. And he has tried to kill Buffy before..."

"He has the chip -- he can't hurt her."

"But the others said that Spike was acting suspiciously..." Joyce sat down at the kitchen island.

Dawn shrugged. "It might be about something totally unrelated to Buffy. Xander's always trying to bust Spike's bal... chops about something. And Spike just didn't want to get hassled by Xander for some dumb thing."

Joyce nodded, then glanced at Dawn out of the corner of her eye. "Bust his bal-chops, huh? Nice save, kiddo."

Dawn smiled slightly for a moment, but then got serious again. "I think we should treat Spike as part of the team, not a suspect. He can help us find Buffy."

"You think Spike's in love with Buffy, right?" Joyce asked.

Dawn nodded. She was sure of it, unfortunately. It sucked to be into a guy who only had eyes for your perfect older sister.

"If he cares for her, then why didn't he offer to help look for her when they went to his crypt earlier?" Joyce wondered.

Dawn thought about that for a few seconds. "I guess it could be... because Spike knows how tough Buffy is, and he just wasn't worried about her. He probably thought we were being too overprotective and paranoid. He knows Buffy can take care of herself."

"That does make sense..." If anyone knew how truly tough Buffy was, it was Spike. Buffy had kicked his ass several times, he knew firsthand that Buffy could handle herself. Joyce sighed, but smiled a bit. "How did you get so smart?"

Dawn smiled and shrugged. "It runs in the family."

Dawn was trying to take some advice Spike had given her and focus on who (and what) she was now, and not dwell on what she'd started out as. Dawn always had the best talks with him. Spike was so insightful (as well as incredibly hot). She knew he couldn't have anything to do with Buffy's disappearance. She'd banished that small amount of doubt that Xander's rantings had caused, she was sure again -- Spike would not hurt Buffy. And when the 'Mystery of the Missing Slayer' was solved, and everyone knew for certain that Spike was 'innocent', Dawn would make sure to say 'I told you so' a hundred times to the others who doubted him -- especially Xander.

---

Spike tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and bopped his head to the beat as he drove through the dark streets of Sunnydale. 'Helter Skelter' by the Beatles was blasting from the DeSoto's speakers. Drusilla was positively beaming and doing the space jam in the passenger seat.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

Helter Skelter - The Beatles

}}

"Ooh, I just love how gruff and growly pretty Paul sounds on this song," Dru said.

"Yeah, it's a bloody brilliant tune, alright. Proves the Beatles could kick some serious ass when they wanted to."

Spike was trying to stay in a Big Bad state of mind, but Buffy's name and face kept popping up in his head. He wondered if the Scoobies had found the Slayer yet. She was probably home by now... It was strange to think he'd never see Buffy again after tonight -- assuming there wouldn't be a violent confrontation before he and Dru hit the road. Buffy had been such a big part of his life for the last few years, she was more important to him than she'd ever suspected. Thoughts of her had dominated his mind since he'd met her, at first wanting to best her in battle, and then he was just head-over-heels in love with her.

'Yeah, and where has that gotten you?' his inner voice asked. 'You've had to redefine pain since you met that bitch. Leave any thoughts of her and any sentiment for her behind. Move the bloody hell on with your unlife. You've got Dru back, she's all you need.'

Spike gripped the steering wheel and swallowed, doing his best to banish all of his doubts and fears. All that bollocks was behind him now. Buffy and Sunnyhell would be just memories after tonight. Lovesick, pitiful, Slayer-whipped Spike was dead and gone -- and it was good-riddance, as far as he was concerned!

Drusilla looked at Spike, slid over in the seat and put her hand on his thigh. He glanced at her, smiled and put his arm around her before focusing back on the road. She could tell her darling boy was in turmoil. It wasn't going to be easy to help Spike find himself again, not after the government crippled him by putting that chip in his head, and that nasty Slayer wormed her way into his brain, too. The pixies and the stars told Drusilla that Spike's fate couldn't be predicted at this time -- he could be his old, beautifully wicked self again, or he could drift further out of Dru's reach, so far away that she wouldn't be able to reach him ever again. Dru intended to make sure it was the former, not the latter.

"Feelin' peckish, pet?" Dru asked with a smirk.

"Hmm? Oh... yeah, I s'pose."

Dru suddenly changed her mind about going to the Bronze, she couldn't take waiting any longer. And, most of all, she wanted Spike to have a big appetite for the main course. "I think I know what you really want to eat. Let's go to my place instead of that club."

"I thought you wanted to go hunting?" Spike felt a rush of guilt because he was relieved that he wouldn't have to hunt so soon. He was afraid the chip would still correct him... and he was afraid that it wouldn't correct him, too. Letting go of the new identity he'd been trying to forge for himself was proving harder than he thought it would.

"Don't want you fillin' up on bread when the main course is so scrumptious." Dru giggled. "I got somethin' special prepared for you. There's nothing like home cooking, is there? I've got some fun surprises at the mansion."

Spike looked at her briefly, excited and anxious. "What kind of surprises?"

"You'll see." She gave his thigh a lusty squeeze. "Drive to the mansion on Crawford Street -- you know the one."

Spike rolled his eyes, groaning loudly. It figured -- the very last place on his list to check was the one he should've gone to first. He hated that bloody mansion... "Don't fancy seeing that place again, Dru... Why'd you have to set up shop there? That's where everything started goin' wrong. Angelus tormenting me, and me bein' stuck in that bloody wheelchair..."

Dru rested her head on his shoulder and rubbed his thigh. "We'll make some happier memories tonight, sweet William."

"Bloody hell..." Spike let out a weary sigh. "Alright..."

Spike reluctantly made a right turn that would take them onto Crawford Street.

---

Spike and Dru arrived at the mansion within a few minutes. He parked in the driveway, where they were greeted by two of Dru's minions who reported that all was well. There had been no intruders during her absence.

Drusilla took Spike's hand and skipped to the front door. "Close your eyes." She grinned and bounced with excitement.

"Dru, come on, I --"

"Close your pretty eyes, or you won't get your surprise," she sing-songed.

Spike sighed and closed his eyes, smiling slightly. Dru was so full of life, so childlike in her way. He had always found it endearing. "Alright, they're closed."

A minion opened the door for them.

Dru took the extra precaution of covering Spike's eyes with one of her hands as she guided him into the main room.

The minions had colorful party hats on and noisemakers in hand -- they felt stupid, but this is what Dru said they had to do, so they did it. A few lackeys were standing in front of Buffy (as Dru had ordered), so Spike wouldn't be able to see her right away.

The decorations were all hung with care, and the blood punch (made with the blood of some unfortunate humans who had crossed paths with Dru's underlings) was chilled and doctored with vodka and cinnamon (made using Dru's special recipe) and ready to be served.

Drusilla took her hand away from Spike's eyes as she and her minions yelled, "Surprise!"

Spike blinked and looked around, taking in the balloons, streamers, and the big 'Welcome Back, Spike' banner. He smiled and laughed. "What's all this then?"

"It's a party for you, sweet Spike!" Dru exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and hugging him.

Spike hugged her back. "I can't believe you did all this for me, Ducks!" Nobody had done anything like this for him since... well, since the old days when Dru would throw a party for him out of the blue. It made him feel warm inside, and more sure that he'd made the right choice. "Thank you."

Drusilla kissed him, and then pulled back, beaming at him. "I knew you'd be pleased."

"I love it, Dru. But you shouldn't've gone to so much trouble."

"Oh, it wasn't any trouble. It was a delight! My helpers did such a lovely job, don't you think?"

"Yeah, seems like you got hold of some good minions this time 'round, pet." Spike could smell fresh blood in the air. Then he noticed the punch bowl filled with blood and assumed that's what he was smelling. There was so much going on that he didn't focus on the smell of the blood -- if he had concentrated, he would have been able to tell there was more than just common human blood in the room.

Buffy had blinked awake at the sound of the noisemakers and the shouts of "Surprise!" But she kept her head down and pretended to still be unconscious. Her head was ringing and her thoughts were disjointed, it would be best to stay quiet until she could think straight again. She had no idea what was going to happen next.

Spike was here; she could hear him talking. Buffy wasn't usually a praying woman, but now she did pray that Spike would help her get out of here alive. Though it was more likely that Spike was about to pay her back, with interest, for all of the insults, punches, and slights she'd given him since the chipping.

"I've got one more big surprise for you, darling," Drusilla said, leading him by the hand toward Buffy. Dru was excited, but she was still afraid that Spike would choose Buffy. Spike's loyalties were leaning heavily toward Dru at the moment, but that could change in the blink of an eye.

Dru motioned for the minions to step away from the Slayer.

"There's more? Pet, you really shouldn't have. All of this is..." Spike trailed off when he saw the girl chained in the archway. Besides being chained and slashed all over her body, the poor thing had the extra humiliation of being covered in festive streamers and bows. This girl, no doubt, was meant to be his first kill. He tensed, his anxiety about killing was back.

Spike tried psyching himself up again. 'Right, I can do this. I'm a vampire -- killing is what I do. I can do it... just like riding a bike. Not like I've forgotten how. It's just...' His thoughts screeched to a halt when the realization came upon him. He couldn't see the unconscious girl's face, but her scent was unmistakable now that he was closer to her.

"...Buffy," Spike whispered, stunned.

"Do you like your fantastic present? Innit pretty?" Drusilla asked, smiling and studying his reaction. "I got it just for you. It's like Christmas, Boxing Day, and Guy Fawkes Day all rolled into one!"

Seeing Buffy like this did not fill him with the joy it would have when he'd first arrived in Sunnydale... What he was feeling was the opposite of joy. So many questions crowded his mind, he couldn't get one full thought to form. Spike's mouth worked silently, opening and closing a few times.

"I knew you'd be gobsmacked," Dru said. "Are you impressed with me?" She ran her hand up his arm to get his attention.

Spike glanced at Dru, but it was difficult to take his eyes away from Buffy. "Impressed... yeah... that's a word for it. Is she...?" He was afraid to finish the sentence.

"No, she's not dead... yet!" Dru laughed. "I didn't want her to die 'fore you got here, my pet -- that wouldn't have made a very nice present for your homecoming."

"How did you... How'd you manage to do this?"

"I've got my ways..." She smiled, looking very pleased with her successful capture of the Slayer. "A girl's got to keep some mystery. She'll be your third Slayer and my second -- I'm catchin' up to you, my darling, deadly boy." She giggled. "Next Slayer is all yours, I promise."

He wanted to go to Buffy and wake her up, to see if she was even coherent at this point. Someone had obviously been working Buffy over. "Did you let your helpers cut her up?" Spike asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Oh no, I wanted that honor for m'self. I cut and slashed her, and had me a few licks of her delectable blood while I was at it. It's soooo good, Spike," Dru moaned, rubbing her stomach. Then she pointed to Buffy's stomach. "Look at the pretty picture I made. Me an' you, happy together again."

"Yeah... it's lovely. So you did that to her, and then you came to talk to me?"

Dru nodded.

"You left her hangin' here with these halfwits 'guarding' her?" Spike swept his hand around the room, indicating her minions. "They could've killed her! It's a bloody miracle they didn't!" The thought of Buffy being tormented by Dru's minions enraged Spike. It was just lucky that they appeared to fear Dru more than they wanted a taste of the Slayer.

"You do worry too much, my love. Oh, here's Joshua!" Dru pulled Joshua over. "Joshua helped me capture the Slayer, and he supervised the decorations. He did the Slayer's pretty ribbons an' bows himself, didn't you?"

Joshua nodded. "I had to punch her and knock her out, Mistress. She was running her mouth. You said it would be okay."

"That's fine, Joshua. I know how irritatin' it is to have her shrill voice nattering away at you."

Joshua extended his hand to Spike. "It's an honor to meet you, Spike. You're legendary!"

Spike clenched his jaw and looked at Joshua's hand, then looked back up into his eyes. All he could think was that this pissant had punched Buffy and hung all that crazy shit on her. He wanted to dust Joshua where he stood.

Joshua lowered his hand when he saw it wasn't going to be shaken.

Drusilla pouted. "Aww, Spike, don't be rude. He's a good boy." Dru patted Joshua on the head like she would a puppy, then she whispered to him, "Spike's just all emotional from the surprise party, don't take it personal-like. Be a pet an' go start the music."

Joshua nodded and went to the CD player.

Spike looked at Buffy again. What was he going to do?

"Look who else is here to celebrate," Dru said, going over to Miss Edith and picking her up. She grinned and held the doll up in front of Spike's face.

He leaned back, away from the doll. "Oh, good... Miss Edith's here."

"And she's chuffed to bits to see you and me together again!" Dru hugged the doll and spun in a circle. "Every girl dreams that her mummy and daddy will reunite." She set Miss Edith back down, making sure the doll had a good view of Buffy. "She's been extra good, so she gets to watch the Slayer suffer."

Buffy raised her head just as Spike looked back at her. They stared at each other for several moments without saying anything.

"Spike... please help me," Buffy whispered plaintively.

He stared at her for a moment, then looked quickly at Dru, and then back to Buffy. His eyes looked shiny with unshed tears, turning a lighter shade of blue. Her beautiful face was scratched and marked. It broke his heart to see her looking so... small and defeated. He whispered, "I'm sorry, Buffy..."

Dru was suddenly there with them, draping her arms over Spike's shoulders from behind and smiling evilly at Buffy; Spike's eyes were glued to the beaten and bruised Slayer, as well, but he wasn't smiling. "Ooh, look who's awake! I'll have one of my boys fetch a sturdy stick. We can whack her with the stick 'til the candy comes spilling out."

"No... no sticks," Spike said, then cleared his throat as he tried to act nonchalant and pry his eyes off Buffy. He began looking everywhere -- anywhere, but at the Slayer that was shackled and hanging in front of him.

Dru walked her fingers up Spike's arms like spiders. "Can't wait to get to the pièce de résistance -- the time for the screams and rivers of blood is always the happiest of all." Dru closed her eyes and cooed when the music started playing.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

Linger - The Cranberries

}}

"Mmmm, such a pretty song, full of love and misery. Dance with me before we feast, my sweet Spike." Dru smiled and pulled him into the center of the room with her.

Spike was hesitant to leave Buffy where she was. "Dru, we need to t--"

"Dance first, then bloodshed."

Buffy closed her eyes and lowered her head. Spike wasn't going to help her. She could tell that he cared about her, she could see it in his eyes when he looked at her, but it seemed that he just didn't care enough. Had she really expected that he'd go against Dru to help her? That image of Spike as the hero of her hallucination flashed in her mind and she felt tears threaten her eyes -- he was a hero, alright -- Dru's hero, not hers. Buffy bit the inside of her cheek to stave off the tears of disappointment... they could kill her, but she'd be damned if she'd give them the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

Dru put her arms around Spike, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. They started slowly swaying to the music. Spike turned his head, his eyes were drawn, as if magnetized, to Buffy. Dru put her hand on his cheek and turned his face back to hers. She kissed him softly, and then closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, touching her hand to the back of his neck as they danced.

Spike screwed his eyes shut and held her in his arms, willing the warring voices in his head to go silent. Tonight proved that God (or whoever it was that was running the show) really did hate Spike.

The music washed over them; the words meant something different to each of them.

For Dru, the song made her think of how she was willing to look past Spike's love for the Slayer. She loved him so much that she couldn't help herself, she had to have him back by her side, even though Spike had betrayed her. His heart and mind were awhirl with the Slayer. In any case, the Slayer, and Spike's feelings for her, would cease to be issues by the end of the night.

Drusilla knew a lot of things, but she was oblivious to just how crushed Spike had been when she'd left him. She still felt that she was the wronged party because she knew he'd fallen for the Slayer. Spike had plotted with Buffy to kill Angelus and break up their happy family -- Spike's loyalty had shifted on that black day. But Dru was about to make everything right again.

Dru turned in his arms, pressing her back against his chest, and holding his arms around her middle. She let her head fall back onto his shoulder and continued swaying with him.

For Spike, the song made him think of how easily he'd let Dru draw him back into her life. He hadn't even put up much resistance, despite how badly she'd hurt him in the past; he hadn't told her how wrong it was of her to completely ignore his suffering when she'd flaunted her relationship with Angelus while Spike was in that wheelchair; he hadn't taken Dru to task for the way she'd so casually discarded him after everything they'd been through together. But how could he possibly turn Dru down when she was offering him everything that had been missing from his life? She was his entire world for such a long time... There was a painful void inside of him ever since the day Drusilla had left him, and that void was finally being filled.

The song also made him think of his feelings for Buffy -- she had him wrapped around her finger, too. No matter how many times she put him down or beat on him, he still loved her. Seeing her bloodied and beaten was like a stake to the heart for him. Spike wished he could take her place in those manacles, and take away her pain...

He was Love's Bitch, and now there were two women with the power to destroy him from the inside out. Spike was well aware that he had a foolish loyalty to the women he loved, but there wasn't much he could do about it, that's just the way he was wired. Only one of those women wanted and loved him back, though... his choice should be clear.

And if Harmony were there, she would have been able to relate to the song too -- big-time. Though Spike had never made any promises to love her and only her, Harm thought that was implied.

Buffy watched them dancing, meeting Spike's eyes whenever they drifted back to her. She stared back at him, trying to figure out what was going through his mind as he looked at her. His face was kind of blank, which was odd for Spike -- his features were usually very expressive.

Buffy hated seeing Spike and Dru together like this... for lots of reasons. Was there a touch of jealousy in the mix, too? She thought there might be. That illusion with him rescuing her had brought some secret longing to the surface. It was so confusing...

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Spike looked at Buffy again. She still couldn't quite decipher his emotions from his expression, but his eyes... his intense, blue eyes were locked onto her. Buffy thought his eyes looked sad -- but was that a good thing or a bad thing for her? Was he sad that he was going to have to kill her, or was he sad that he was going to have to go against Dru's wishes to save Buffy's life?

The song ended, and Dru curtsied as the minions applauded.

"Thank you! You're too kind!" Dru curtsied again to the minions on the other side of the room, and then she took Spike's hand. "I've missed dancing with you, my Spike."

"I missed it too, pet," Spike replied in a soft voice.

"Everyone!" Dru called as she led Spike back to Buffy. "It's time! Keep your distance, we need room to work, but you may observe this momentous occasion."

Buffy gulped as they approached her. Would Spike kill her? Could he kill her? Did Drusilla actually fix it so that the chip wouldn't affect him anymore?

Drusilla turned to Spike. "Start the proceedings, my love. What will it be? You want to play with her with some sharp knives," she gestured to the small table with the cutting implements, "bash and stomp on her, or will you sink your pretty fangs into her?"

"I can't," Spike said faintly, casting his eyes to the floor. When Spike told Buffy he was sorry earlier, he'd meant that he was sorry any of this had happened to her because of him. There was no way in hell he would let Drusilla or anyone else kill Buffy.

Dru narrowed her eyes. She'd been afraid of this... "What?"

He took a breath, looked back up into Dru's eyes, and said louder, "I said, I can't kill her."

"Yes, you can and you will!" Drusilla insisted. "You won't get nasty shocks from the chip. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for your princess. You promised to chop her into messes for me... I'm still waiting for you to keep your promise."

"It's not because of the chip..." He hoped Dru wouldn't make him admit his feelings for Buffy -- especially not right in front of Buffy.

Drusilla kept her eyes trained on Spike, but addressed the minions, "Everyone, get out! I need to have a heart-to-heart with my William."

The minions shrugged and filed out of the room, disappointed that they weren't going to see the Slayer slain. Joshua decided that he (and a few others) should wait right outside the door, just in case the Mistress needed him. It looked like it might get ugly in there...

"Why don't you unchain me so I can leave, too, and give you two kids some privacy?" Buffy quipped, not expecting to be released, but she had to say it. Making smartass comments helped give her at least the illusion that she wasn't completely helpless.

"Shut your festering gob, you dippy little tramp!" Dru spat.

Buffy frowned. "Hey! You are calling me a tramp!? That's funny! You're the one who was --"

"Are you finally ready to tell the truth, Spike?" Dru asked solemnly. "I knew you were in love with her years ago, but you wouldn't admit it. The stars and pixies told me so... and they've never lied to me."

Spike snorted a laugh and tried to look amused. "Oh please, Dru, don't start with that bollocks again. How could I love her?"

Dru arched a feathery eyebrow. "Then why can't you kill her?"

Spike swallowed and tried to think of a good reason. "Her friends... yeah, her friends will be on the warpath when they suss out what's goin' on. There are a couple powerful witches in that group, we shouldn't --"

Drusilla closed her eyes and put her hands to her head, pressing and twisting her knuckles against her temples. "Why must everyone lie!? You're all crying wolf when there is no wolf! The herd will scatter! I cannot abide these fairy tales!"

Spike didn't know what to say -- Dru obviously wasn't buying it.

She opened her eyes again, looking at him sadly. "I know the naughty, awful voice in your head is telling you to free her. I'll help you make that voice fade away to nothing. And we can be together forever and ever. I'll snuff out her flame and then you'll be all mine again. You'll be free."

"Drusilla... pet, I love you. She's nothing to me!" Spike insisted heatedly, waving his arm at Buffy. "Let's just go... leave this cursed town, leave this bloody country!" Spike hoped he could just get Dru and her minions away from Buffy without having to actually fight her, then, first chance he got, he could get word to the Scoobies and they could come help the Slayer.

"We have to get her out of your head, and the only way to do that is to kill her. If she's nothing to you... then you won't mind if I start by plucking out one of her eyes..."

Buffy leaned as far away from Dru as she could, her eyes wide with fear.

Spike seized Dru's wrist before she could touch Buffy. She jerked her head to look at him.

"No," Spike said tightly, his jaw set. "I won't let you hurt her any more."

Dru wrenched her arm out of his grasp. She pouted and backed up a few steps, holding her arm to her chest and rubbing her wrist. "I don't like this, Spike... The band is playing out of tune... the tuba and bassoon have fallen out of step and the castanets are tap-tap-tapping on my brain..."

"I'm sorry. I can't let you do it." Spike stepped in front of Buffy, in case Dru lunged for her again. He'd decided while dancing with Dru that it would be his last dance with her. His choice had really been made the moment he'd seen Buffy chained in the archway. Seeing her like that made it impossible for him to ignore his feelings for her. He knew he had to get her out of this place any way he could. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if Buffy died, either by his hand or Drusilla's. He still loved Dru, but... he realized in that moment that he loved Buffy even more.

Buffy was shocked that Spike was actually doing it; he was trying to protect her.

"And you still claim not to love her!?" Dru shouted accusingly. "You should be popping corn and pulling up a chair to watch the matinee. You should be joining me in the sweet torture!"

Drusilla covered her eyes with her hands and screamed with anguish, making both Spike and Buffy jump. "She's wiggling in your brain like an earthworm! I cut her in half and she grows again!"

Spike hated seeing Drusilla so distressed because of him. He was always the one to calm her, to give her anything she wanted just so she'd smile and be happy again. But he wouldn't be able to do it this time. The women he loved were pulling him apart, pulling his heart apart, and it was excruciating. "Please, pet... don't make me --"

"Admit it, Spike." Dru lowered her hands to her sides and growled. "Say the words. I'll kill her right this second if you don't admit it." She had to make him admit the truth. After all, everyone knows that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Spike couldn't look at Buffy... This was going to be humiliating. "Alright! Yes! I..." He forced the words out slowly, "Yes... I do love her. And I can't let you hurt her, Dru. I just... can't."

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, letting Spike's admission sink in. It wasn't a theory or just popular opinion anymore, Spike said that he loved her. There was no way he would say that to Drusilla if he didn't really mean it. She still couldn't understand how he could possibly love her (taking into account both their history, and the fact that he was a soulless demon), but the way he was standing up for her proved that he really did.

There were a million questions Buffy wanted the answers to. And she really wished she could've talked to Spike in private about the whole 'love' thing without crazy-ass Drusilla threatening to kill her.

Dru had to take a few moments to compose herself. She covered her mouth with her hand, looking as if she might be violently ill. She knew that he loved the Slayer, of course, but actually hearing him say the words made bile rise in her throat. But she calmed down, telling herself that it was a good thing that Spike finally stopped telling porkies. Now she could help him see the way to rid himself of the sickness of being in love with the Slayer.

Spike blinked away tears. "I know hearing that hurts you, Dru... and I'm sorry for that. I'm so bloody sorry... I never wanted to hurt you."

"I saw her all around you... invading your thoughts and dreams. I knew it before you did..." Dru mumbled.

"Yeah... you did know it before I did. I didn't realize it until... later." He didn't want to mention the dream that had made his feelings for Buffy crystal clear to him. Spike kept his eyes on Drusilla, he was too afraid to see Buffy's reaction to his declaration. It would kill him to see the disgust that was, no doubt, present on her face -- it would hurt much worse than when Cecily had spurned him. "I swear to you, pet, back in Brazil, I had no idea I was in love with... I wasn't lying to you when I denied it. I really didn't know..."

Dru took a breath and shook her head. "It's good that you said it... Yes... it's good. Now you can begin to heal."

Spike's brow furrowed. "Heal?"

"From your disease, loving her is a horrible, horrible disease. Angel had the same sickness, but I couldn't save him... I have the cure at my fingertips now, I can make you well. I can't be with you as long as she lives," Dru said gravely.

"And I can't be with you if you kill her. Decide which thing you want more -- me, or killing the Slayer -- because you can't have both." Spike squared his shoulders, trying to be strong.

Dru joined her hands under her chin, as if in prayer. "One flows into another, Spike -- like a river to the sea. The universe demands the Slayer's death. And only then will love and fragrant blossoms return. The stars... they whisper to me, telling me how it must be."

Spike growled and looked around, needing to destroy something. He picked up a vase of flowers on a stand near Buffy, and then threw it against the far wall where it shattered. Dru put her hands up in front of her face and flinched. "You had to wait 'til now to want me again?! I bloody well begged you to stay with me back in Brazil -- and you spit in my face!"

"I had to make peace with it all, Spike," Dru said reasonably, slowly lowering her hands from her face.

"I deserved better treatment than that! I loved you... I loved my black goddess, unreservedly, for over a hundred bloody years. You were my Sire, my lover, my whole bloody world... I would've done anything for you!"

"You betrayed me with her!" Dru yelled, pointing a shaking hand at Buffy.

"I bloody well did not!" Spike fired back, at first thinking she'd meant 'betrayed' in the sexual sense.

"It started when you went against me and Angelus... We were your family, your blood, and you turned your back on us... Worse! You took her side against us!"

Spike started pacing back and forth in front of Buffy. He and Drusilla had had this row more than once right before they'd gone their separate ways. "The truce with Buffy... I did that for us! How many bloody times do I have to explain it?! Angelus comin' back was the worst thing that ever happened to us!"

"And I did this," she pointed to Buffy, "for us, as well. But you've got to play your part, too, for it to work, my love. You've got to finish her."

Spike purposely switched to another subject quickly. "If you and Darla really do plan on trying to bring Angel back over to the dark side, then you can bloody well do it without me! I hate both of the bastard's personalities, but at least when he's all soul-havin', he wants nothing to do with any of us."

It wasn't easy for Drusilla to give up on her dream of being a big, happy family again, but she had to finesse Spike, promise him whatever he wanted, just as long as he pledged his love to her again. She could convince him to reunite with their family later, if need be; she could convince Spike of anything, given enough time. "If that's what you want... then we don't have to go back to L.A. You and me bein' together again is what matters most. We can go anywhere in the world you fancy goin'. Now... kill her so we can be on our way and start a new, grand chapter of our lives together." Dru looked hungrily at Buffy, imagining seeing Spike rip the girl's beating heart out of her chest.

"I'll go away with you... go wherever you want, do whatever you want. I love you, Dru." He walked up to her and put his arms around her. "Please, baby, let's just get out of this sodding town -- get as far away as we can, and never think about it again! Let's just leave her here and go!" Spike put his hands on the sides of Drusilla's face and kissed her frantically, desperately.

Dru whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut and then shaking her head violently. She growled and pushed him away as tears ran down her face. "No! Don't you dare touch or kiss me when your mind is consumed with her! Your lips are acid, burning holes in my face! It burns!" she cried, wiping madly at face.

"Dru, pet... please..." He tried to touch her, but she knocked his hands away.

"Killing that girl is the only thing that can set you free! If you don't make the right decision here and now, she'll destroy you! I've seen it happen in my visions!"

"...You've seen Buffy kill me in your visions?" Spike asked after a short pause. That troubled him a bit... Drusilla's visions usually came true.

"I saw lots of nasty things happen to you..." Dru closed her eyes and took a calming breath. "There are many possible futures for all of us, depends on which twists and turns we take on the path. But all yours... all your possibilities end horribly, my sweet Spike, if you choose her. You understand why she has to die now?"

Buffy's eyes darted between them as they argued; she'd never felt so powerless. Her fate was being decided right in front of her. "Spike, I wouldn't --"
Dru snarled at her. "Shut up! Don't wanna hear anything out of you, Slayer. 'Cept for your screams as my Spike drains every last drop of blood from your steaming carcass."

"You're discussing whether I live or die -- I have a right to talk!" Buffy yelled.

"You have no rights, whatsoever." Dru put her hand up to block out the sight of Buffy, as she'd done to Harmony back at the crypt. She looked at Spike, shutting Buffy out for the moment. She could see that he was disturbed that, by saving Buffy, he would be dooming himself. "You doubt it can happen, my love? You think she wouldn't kill you or let you die to save herself or one of her little friends? She'd do it in a heartbeat." Drusilla snapped her fingers. "I pulled you out of that burning church," she reminded him. "She put you in that wheelchair you hated so much. She would have loved it if you'd perished in those flames. I took care of you while you were healing. Don't that tell you who you belong with? Remember what she did to you."

Spike shook his head. "Nothing wrong with my memory; I remember all of it... I also remember -- while I was being held captive in that bloody wheelchair -- how you made it no secret that you were shagging Angelus. He took great delight in taunting me with it." Spike's wavering voice and tight face showed how hurt and bitterly disappointed he'd been with Dru's actions back then. "And you just let it happen... You were blind to how unhappy, how tormented, I was."

"I know what you're doin'," Dru said, then clucked her tongue. "Trying to argue 'bout anything else, rather than dwell on my visions of your horrible death, courtesy of the Slayer."

"You think I'm just making this shit up for the sake of arguing?! You think you acting like a giddy schoolgirl with him -- flaunting the fact that you were letting Angelus have his way with you, and grinding my face in the dirt -- didn't rip my heart out?!" Spike asked incredulously.

"Never meant to hurt you, my Spike..." Dru pouted.

"Well... you did. And, if you love me like you say you do, you should've known..." Spike laughed humorlessly. "You know every other bloody thing that's goin' on in the world, so why didn't you know I was miserable? Or is it that you just didn't care?" He put his hands over his eyes, rubbing them and trying to hold the tears in. Shedding tears wouldn't do anything but make him look like a weak nancy-boy in front of the women he loved.

Drusilla had one more peaceful tactic to try. "What possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?" she asked in a soft, sweet voice.

Spike's hands fell away from his face, he looked at her and tilted his head as more pain gripped his mind and heart at that memory. The tears he'd tried keeping at bay slid down his face.

"Do you remember those words, pretty William?"

"'Course I do," he replied thickly. "First words you ever spoke to me..."

She smiled and touched his face. "I rescued you. I delivered you into the world. You are, and have always been, mine -- not hers, not anyone else's. You were meant for me, and I for you. No one ever loved or understood you like I do..."

Spike stared into her eyes, which seemed to be getting brighter and wider. He realized that she was attempting to use her psychic abilities to make him more compliant. He closed his eyes and turned his face away, clenching his jaw. "Don't do that to me, Dru! Don't use that shit on me!"

She frowned and stepped back from him. "I wasn't doin' nothing... Just talkin' to you, is all."

"You bloody well know what you were doing," Spike said in a growl. "Same thing you did to me in that alley a million years ago. Everything you said hit me where I lived, but you used that little something extra to keep me from screaming and running off and convince me I wanted what you were offering."

Dru became indignant, stomping a foot on the floor. "Oh, you wanted it! I know you wanted it! Don't you dare pretend you didn't! You said yes without a second thought when I offered it to you."

Buffy thought Drusilla sounded like a rapist trying to justify what they'd done by telling their victim that they'd 'asked for it'. Very few human beings would ask to be turned if they knew everything it entailed. But Drusilla had been a victim once upon a time herself... A victim in a long line of victims. Spike (or rather, William) couldn't have had any idea what he was really saying yes to.

Spike looked back at Dru. "Yeah, I wanted it... Didn't know exactly what it was, but..."

"I would've had you one way or the other, sweet William. Would you prefer I'd skipped the sugary, buttery talk and pounced on you to take what I wanted? I could have taken you roughly, shredded and ripped your sweet flesh... but I didn't want it to be that way." Dru put her hand to his face again and caressed his cheek, gently wiping away his tears. "The burning baby fish swimming 'round your head have turned into piranha... I only want to save you again, my pet. I was the only one who saw your worth back then, and I'm the only one who can lead you back to your destiny now."

Spike leaned into her hand, gazing at her and smiling wistfully as he remembered how he'd felt back then; Drusilla was his savior. He would have amounted to nothing without her. He might have even killed himself, feeling as devastated and humiliated as he had on that night, if Dru hadn't found him.

Buffy was worried Dru could change his mind by bringing those kinds of things up. Spike had told Buffy once how profound and wonderful becoming a vampire had been for him. He obviously thought of it as the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he had Dru to thank for his transformation.

Dru smiled at Spike, continuing to stroke his cheek. "I wanted to be gentle with my little lamb when I found you in that alleyway. I wanted to ease you into death as if into a warm bath, and then I waited under the stars in anticipation for you to be reborn. Yes, I had to use my gifts to make you more... open to what I was offering. But you wanted it, you know you did."

"I didn't know what I was saying yes to, but I felt that it was... that you were my destiny."

"I am your destiny, Spike. You and me, together -- that's the way it's meant to be. Don't be confused by the fluffy bits of tail who swish their hips and flaunt their wares at you." Drusilla flicked a finger at Buffy, like flicking away an insect, but kept eye contact with Spike as she spoke. "I made it possible for the real William to make his presence felt in this world. Remember the sweet kiss of my fangs and how it made you swoon?" She moved her hand to the left side of his neck, slowly running her fingertips over the spot where she'd bitten him. "Remember how your body surged with power when you awoke from your deep slumber? You can feel that way again, my beautiful William..."

"Yes..." Spike whispered, recalling that overwhelming sense of power and strength he'd felt upon awakening. It had been an awesome feeling -- going from being a shy weakling, to feeling like a powerful, bold man for the very first time.

Buffy had to speak up, Spike was sounding and looking all swoony. "Spike, don't let her hypnotize you!"

Dru growled and whipped her head to the side to glare at Buffy -- breaking the trance. "Thought I told you to shut your gob?!"

Spike blinked and stepped away from Dru, shaking his head to clear it. "Bloody hell, you were doing it again, Dru! Stop trying to control me like that!"

"I'm trying to save you from yourself! Why can't you see that, Spike? The Slayer must die. If you won't do it, I will." Dru took a step toward Buffy.

Spike stepped in front of Buffy again with a grim expression on his face, his eyes shimmering with tears. "No. Don't make me fight you, Dru. I don't want to hurt you... but I will. I'm sorry..."

Tears glistened in Drusilla's eyes, too. "Don't be sorry... just be mine again. Be my lovely Spike again." She reached out and touched his face, stroking his cheekbone with a finger. "Please..."

Buffy wanted to hurl an insult at Drusilla or laugh at her, but something kept Buffy from speaking. The atmosphere in the room felt heavy and thick with the emotions emanating from the two vampires. Buffy felt fairly overwhelmed with emotion herself. Even after how horribly she'd treated him, he was choosing her over Dru. Spike really did love her, and he was trying to protect her from the former love of his life.

"You really think she'd want you?" Dru asked, becoming cold and dropping her hand from his face. She was lying to him -- along with visions of his demise at the Slayer's hand, she'd had stomach-churning visions in which Buffy and Spike were shagging like bunnies. But Dru had to say and do whatever she could to change his mind; she had to get him back, she had to get her family back. As a rule, Dru didn't tell tales, but little white lies were okay in desperate situations like these. "You think she would ever let you touch her? You're nothing to her -- you're less than nothing... She can't desire you 'cos it's wrong. She thinks you're beneath her."

"Stop it," Spike said, closing his eyes and putting his hands to his head. "Stop yanking thoughts from my mind!"

"She said those very words to you, didn't she? Yes... she did. Beneath her." Drusilla giggled, nibbled at her thumbnail and batted her eyes at him. "But not beneath her in the fun pony ride way. She meant it the other way -- less than her, not worthy. And that's all you'll ever be to her, William. Why are you trying to protect this mongrel? All she's done is cause you pain!"

"If you think I'm doing this because I... expect anything from her, you're slipping. I know she could never love me, I know my love will never be returned... But that doesn't change how I feel about her. My thoughts starting to get too murky for you to read, are they?"

Drusilla whined and pouted. It upset her that her powers of persuasion hadn't worked on Spike. She didn't want to have to resort to violence with him...

"I'm through playing games... It's over." Spike took a breath, and then asked, "Where's the key to her cuffs? I'm walking out of here now -- and I'm taking Buffy with me."

Buffy perked up. It was coming to a head -- Spike would have to fight Dru, or Dru would let him take Buffy out of the mansion. Buffy felt hopeful for the first time all night. She was sure Spike could take Drusilla in a fight. Hell, he'd nearly beat her more than once before he was chipped.

"The key is right in here, all snuggly-wuggly," Dru said, patting her bosom.

Spike's eyes went to her cleavage. She'd tucked the key into her dress for safekeeping, eh?

"But that bad, naughty Slayer isn't leaving this house alive. Don't make me hurt you, sweet William. I don't want to... but I will."

Spike grabbed Dru by the shoulders and shook her roughly. "Give me the bloody key, or I'll rip your dress off to get it!" he shouted.

"Ooh yes! You know I like it rough!" Dru exclaimed, seeming to laugh and cry at the same time. "Is it Saint Swithun's day already?!"

Buffy strained against her manacles, wishing she could jump in and whoop Drusilla's ass. Besides the fact that Buffy would just plain enjoy kicking Dru's ass, she knew how hard this had to be for Spike. Buffy knew the pain of having to fight someone you loved, too.

Drusilla hissed and scratched Spike's cheek. He responded by backhanding her across the face. He grabbed Dru again, shaking her and ripping at the bodice of her dress to get the key.

Buffy saw a silver key tumble onto the floor near their feet -- it must have fallen out of Drusilla's dress during the scuffle. It was too far away for Buffy to reach it, even if her arms were free. "The key's on the floor, Spike! Next to your foot!"

He tried holding Drusilla at bay while looking down and searching the floor near his boots. Dru started hitting and scratching at Spike more fiercely. Spike growled and shoved Dru, sending her stumbling away from him and against the buffet-style table the blood punch was on. He bent down quickly to retrieve the key, keeping one eye on Dru at the same time.

Buffy was so focused on watching Spike and Dru struggle, as well as being excited at the thought that she might get out of the chains soon, that she didn't notice the minions racing in until they were in reach of Spike. "Behind you!" Buffy yelled.

Spike was just starting to turn when Joshua hit him on the back of the head with a crowbar. Spike grunted and fell to his knees. Joshua smiled as he brought the crowbar down on Spike's head and shoulders over and over again. Spike fell onto his side, bringing his arms up to protect his head.

"Leave him alone, you bastard!" Buffy clenched her teeth and screamed in frustration, rattling her chains and causing the cuffs to cut deeper into her flesh.

Drusilla captured Joshua's wrist before he could hit Spike again. "That's enough. Such a good boy, you are." She smiled and patted him on top of the head. "Was just like when Spike attacked Angelus in this very room... only you're on my side."

"I thought he might do something stupid, like try to hurt you," Joshua said. "Are you okay, Mistress?"

"I will be... yes." Dru walked in a circle around Spike, looking down on him as she fixed her dress. He hadn't ripped the dress off of her, but it would require some mending. "My Spike has been very naughty. He wouldn't be still, so I have to make him take his medicine with a spanking and a spoonful of sugar. Mummy knows best."

Spike was dazed by the blows to his head, but he was trying with all his might to clear his mind. Buffy wouldn't have a chance of surviving if he was put in chains or dusted.

Four other minions loyal to Drusilla were with Joshua, all looking like they'd enjoy taking a few whacks at Spike too. They surrounded Spike, ready to thrash him if their Mistress ordered it.

Spike went into game-face as he got to his knees and started swinging his fists, hitting groins, knees, whatever he could hit from his position on the floor. Two of the minions shouted and backed away from him, holding their crotches.

"Pick him up," Dru ordered. "Make sure to hold him tight, he'll squiggle and squirm and lash out. The cobra spits his venom when he's cornered."

The other minions got a hold of Spike's arms and hauled him up to his feet. Spike tried shaking their hands off of him and pulling free, but they had a good grip on him, and he was still weak and off his game from getting hit on the head. He snarled at them, and then glowered at Drusilla.

"Call them off, Dru!" Spike demanded through clenched teeth as he tried pulling his arms free. "I'm gettin' really angry now!"

"Shhhh! Bad Spike!" Dru scolded him. "I'd hoped it wouldn't become necessary to take these measures, but you're leavin' me no choice..."

---

Drusilla directed her minions to take Spike to the buffet table. They threw him onto the table on his back and held him down.

"What the bloody hell are you doing, Dru!?" Spike shouted, struggling to get away from her helpers.

"Stop thrashing about," Dru said. "This is for your own good, my pet. Bad doggies must be corrected or they never learn. Sit! Stay!"

Spike kicked his legs out, knocking the punch bowl and cups off the end of the table. The bowl crashed to the floor, blood splashed in all directions.

"Now look at what you've done!" Dru huffed. "My punch is ruined! I've got a mind to punish you good for that, Spike! Bad dog! Bad!" she scolded him, shaking a finger toward his face.

Spike kept trying to get out from under the minions' grasps. Finally, all five minions were able to pin him down successfully.

Buffy pulled on her chains, wishing she could do something. 'Oh God, they're going to dust him!' That thought was painful to her, and not just because it meant she would be also be doomed if Spike died. She just didn't like the thought of Spike being gone. She wasn't really sure when she'd come to the realization that him being gone would be bad... After all, wasn't she just talking about dusting him herself earlier that day? But suddenly, the thought of him not being there -- the thought of never seeing him again, made her heart ache.

If only Spike had picked up the key and taken just one of her manacles off... The key -- Buffy didn't see the key on the floor where it had been a minute ago... Had Spike managed to pick it up before Joshua started hitting him with the crowbar?

Drusilla approached the table, smiling down on Spike.

Spike bared his teeth and gave her a murderous look. "Stop this, Dru!" He thought she was going to stake him for betraying her, and there wasn't anything he could do to prevent it in his current position -- the minions were holding him securely, he couldn't move.

"'Fraid I can't do that, Spike. You've shown that the wicked Slayer has too strong a hold on your heart. She cast her net over you and you can't break free -- like a little moth caught in a spider's web, you are. She is a deceptively cunning one, ain't she? But I can still help you... Yes, I can help you be my sweet Spike again..." She leaned down, staring at him.

The song 'Paint It Black' started playing on the stereo -- Dru couldn't have planned the timing better if she'd tried. Yes, she would have her black-hearted, deadly boy back. No silly, mushy feelings for the Slayer, her groupies, or her kinfolk. Dru would help Spike find and embrace the darkness within him again. When she was through, Spike would insist on massacring the lot of them before leaving town. And that would suit Dru just fine.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube link:

Paint It Black - The Rolling Stones

}}

Spike thought her eyes were starting to look bigger and brighter... His human visage slid back into place and he slammed his eyes shut. "Don't use it on me again, Dru! Please!"

Spike hated a lot of things, but being controlled by anyone or anything was at the top of his list. Just the thought of being controlled, having his freewill taken away, terrified him; having the chip was bad enough, but this... this was far worse.

"His eyelids," Drusilla said calmly, giving one of her minions a tap on the shoulder.

Dave moved around to Spike's head, then paused and looked at Dru. "You mean cut the lids off or hold 'em?"

"Hold them open, you fool! I wouldn't disfigure my beautiful boy!" Dru snapped. Then she smiled down on Spike, affectionately tracing his cheekbone with a sharp fingernail. "Would be like takin' a chisel to Michelangelo's 'David', it would."

Dave nodded and then pressed his thumbs against Spike's eyelids, forcing and holding them open.

"Careful not to hurt his lovely baby blues now," Dru cautioned Dave as he held Spike's eyes open. "Eyeballs go squish so easily. I'd have to pluck out your eyes and make them into kebabs if you spoiled my William."

"Right, no squishing. I totally got this," Dave assured her.

Drusilla had never forced herself into Spike's mind like this before. Any hypnotic 'convincing' she'd done in the past was much more gentle. "Don't do this to me, Dru!" Spike pled again, having no choice but to look at her. The gentle hypnotic suggestions Dru had given him back at the crypt were different than this, he'd welcomed her into his mind then.

"It's your fault -- and the Slayer's -- that I must take these measures, Spike," Dru admonished him. "Trust that I know what's best for you, I always have. Hold still and take your medicine!" Her scowl turned into a smile in an instant. "Ooh, it's like Alex in 'A Clockwork Orange' when he's bein' forced to watch all the nasties on the screen. That's one of our favorite films, innit, Spike? I always did fancy you as Alex, so pretty and blissfully evil," she said, tracing the slash she'd given him on his cheek. "The tin soldiers thought they could muzzle you, train you like a dog. But I'm going to make it right again and put you back as you should be -- as you were always meant to be."

Spike tried turning his head, but he couldn't move. He grit his teeth and looked into Dru's increasingly warm and inviting eyes.

Buffy wanted to shout, to demand, that Dru leave Spike alone... but what would be the point? Like Dru would listen to her? So, she had to just watch impotently as Drusilla attempted to drain Spike of any good qualities he'd developed, any personal growth he'd experienced, since he'd been away from her. How could you claim to be in love with someone and still take away their freewill (and violate them like that) without a second thought?

"It's time we strip away the lies," Dru said softly. "You will be as you were before we came to Sunnydale for the first time. Remember, my darling Spike? You want to swim in the Slayer's blood. You want to make her the third Slayer brought down by your hand. The Slayer of Slayers, you are, and this one is no exception... a beautiful trophy she'll make above the mantel."

Spike growled and panted, trying to fight the thoughts Dru was putting in his mind. He wasn't completely free of his old persona, there was still some of the old Spike (the one who enjoyed and prided himself on being evil) left in him, and Dru was speaking directly to that atrophied part of his mind. It was like stirring up a hornet's nest with a stick -- Spike's dormant evil side was being roused, even more so than it had stirred back at the crypt. Dru was drowning out that other voice in his head, the one that loved Buffy, the one that had been taking steps toward becoming a 'good man'. His struggles lessened the longer Dru talked. It didn't matter how hard he fought it, Dru slashed through his mental defenses like a warm knife through butter.

Drusilla continued speaking sweetly to him. "The only thing you want from the Slayer is her blood. You want to drink from her. You want to gulp down her hot, delicious blood and watch the life run out of her. You want to hear her scream and beg for mercy... you savor her fear as readily as you savor her blood.

"The Slayer was iniquitous and put a spell on you -- a spell designed to make you weak, to make you grovel at her feet like a mangy dog begging for scraps. She laughed at you -- her and her friends, they laughed at your helplessness, made sport of your pain. Her spell made you think you loved her. But you could never love her. You love me, and only me. Now you see it was all a cruel, ugly trick; your eyes have been opened to her lies. You don't love her, you've finally seen through her deception and now you're free -- her spell has been broken."

"My God, Drusilla, you're pathetic, you know that!?" Buffy uttered with disgust. She had to say something, even if it made no difference. "You couldn't be happy with the family of sea monkeys, you had to send for the 'Getting Guys Through Hypnosis' kit in the back of the comic book, instead. It's really sad that the only way you can get Spike on your side is by screwing with his mind!" Buffy was afraid that Dru's manipulation of Spike's mind was working... he wasn't struggling anymore.

Dru ignored Buffy, kept a pleasant smile on her face and her eyes trained on Spike's. She touched Joshua's arm and said, "Be a dear, if she says another word, bash her head in?"

"I'd love to, Mistress." Joshua smiled at Buffy, hoping she'd say something else -- just one word, even a syllable would do. He'd thoroughly enjoyed punching Buffy in the face before, and he'd be happy to do it again -- maybe he'd get more of her blood on him... It was delicious!

Buffy bit her tongue to keep from saying anything in response. This was a nightmare... just when she thought they'd get out of here alive, Dru turned the tables, dashing her hopes again. 'Please fight her, Spike... We're both screwed if you can't resist her...' she thought as her eyes remained glued on Spike and Dru and her heart thudded in her chest.

Drusilla touched Spike's lips with a forefinger. "Do you understand?"

"Yes..." Spike whispered.

Dru leaned down and kissed Spike on the lips, and then straightened back up. She motioned for the minions to release him, Dave let go of Spike's eyes and stepped back.

Spike sat up slowly and swung his legs over the edge of the table. He growled, rubbing his eyes and then put a hand to his head. "Bloody hell... what happened?" His skull felt like it was packed with gauze, he felt unfocused like he'd just woken up after a long sleep. "My head is killin' me."

Dru ran her hand up his arm and onto his shoulder. "My boys had to punish an' restrain you. The Slayer made you turn on me."

"She... did?" Spike asked. He was having trouble remembering everything clearly.

"Mmhmm. She cast a spell over you, made you bow and scrape at her feet."

"Yeah... I remember now." Spike slowly turned his head to look at Buffy.

What Buffy saw was not at all encouraging -- Spike's eyes were glassy and cold. His jaw worked as he glared at her, he looked like he wouldn't have a problem with killing her now... It was the same kind of look she remembered getting from him when he'd first arrived in Sunnydale, when he'd hated her.

Spike hopped off of the table and turned to face Joshua. Spike was shorter and slimmer than the ex-football player, but menacing those taller than him had never been difficult. "Hit me with a blunt object, didja?"

"I'm sorry..." Joshua swallowed hard. He tried to explain, "You were hurting Mistress Dru, I had to --"

Spike laughed and shook his head. "I understand. I wasn't in my right mind at the time, and you were protecting Dru. Her safety's all that's important to me. So I can't be too brassed off, now can I?"

Joshua smiled uncertainly.

Spike smiled and clapped Joshua on the back, then put a hand on his shoulder. "No hard feelings, mate."

He breathed out with relief and smiled wider. "Oh good, 'cause I was worried you'd --"

Then Spike clutched the back of Joshua's head and slammed his head down onto the tabletop again and again. Finally, Spike finished by kneeing Joshua in the face and let him fall, barely conscious, to the floor. The git reminded him of Riley Finn, so it hadn't been easy to stop. Riley... now, that was someone Spike would enjoy crossing paths with again real soon...

"Aww, Spike, don't hurt him too much," Dru said, delighted to feel Spike's malevolent and vicious side surging once again. "He was just worried 'bout me."

"Whoa, dude, chill!" Dave exclaimed, holding his hands up in surrender, as he looked at Joshua groaning on the floor. "I thought you said 'no hard feelings'?"

"And now there aren't," Spike said calmly as he straightened the cuffs on his coat. "I didn't twist his head off or stake him, now did I? He just got a little warning, is all -- a love tap, really." He started to turn to Dru, but then rounded on Dave. Spike's brows formed a V. "And who the bloody hell are you?"

"Uh... Aloha! I'm Dave. How's it hangin'?" Dave tensed when Spike put a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't squish your eyes. I was careful..."

"Listen, Dave, you're obviously new to the whole 'minion' thing, so I'll give you a tip: I'm a Master vampire, 've been causing mayhem, destruction, and death for more than a hundred years."

"Yeah, that's soooo gnarly! I was totally stoked when --"

Spike gripped Dave's shoulder tightly, making him wince. "You're a minion; you're a peon. You don't speak to me 'less I speak to you first. Comprende?"

"Uh, yeah, okay. I mean, uh, comprend-a-mente, boss. Oh... is it cool for me to be talking now? Or should I just like shut up...?"

Spike rolled his eyes, put his hand over Dave's face and pushed him away. "Idiots... Why are so many minions brain-dead?"

"Never mind them, my love. You're back." Drusilla put her arms around his neck. "I've dreamed of this moment... Nothin' could put me in a blue mood now." She licked the bloody scratch on his cheek. "Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! You are gorgeousness and gorgeous-ity made flesh!" Dru exclaimed joyously, paraphrasing a line from 'A Clockwork Orange'.

Spike put his hands on Dru's waist, lifted her up and spun her around in a circle, making her grin and laugh. He let her slide slowly back down his body until her feet were back on the floor. Spike smiled seductively and wrapped an arm around Dru, pulling her roughly against him. "Feels like I've been asleep for ages... God, I missed you, baby," he said breathlessly.

They started kissing passionately, holding each other and running their hands over the other's body. Dave helped Joshua get up from the floor. The other minions felt kind of awkward, not knowing if they'd get in trouble for watching Spike and the Mistress making out. It was pretty hot, but they didn't want to get their heads slammed onto the table next.

'God, I hope he's faking...' Buffy thought as she watched them. If the 'old Spike' was really back in the driver's seat, Buffy didn't stand a chance. It was gross having to watch Spike and Drusilla tonsil box... and there was that slight twinge of jealousy again. She tried to push that feeling away... that really wasn't the point. The point was, she reminded herself adamantly, if the 'old Spike' was back, Buffy's expiration date had finally arrived.

---

Spike and Drusilla parted, smiling and lightly stroking each other a few moments longer.

"We've got time for the ol' in-out later, pretty Spike," Drusilla cooed. "We've got an important matter to attend to first..." She turned her head to look at Buffy.

Spike turned his head and smiled. "Right... some unfinished business with that one." He gave Dru another soft kiss, and then turned to Buffy. "Well, Slayer... how's it feel to have our roles reversed? I finally got out from under your thumb... and now you're securely under mine."

Buffy licked her dry lips, wincing slightly when her tongue passed over the split in her lower lip. "Spike, Dru messed with your mind..."

Spike sauntered closer to her, going into game-face as he walked. "You treated me like something you scraped off the bottom of your shoe. You humiliated me... beat me... taunted me... mocked me at every bloody turn!" He let out a deep, rumbling growl. "You thought you could make me crawl if I loved you. That was actually a clever tactic on your part -- I'm surprised."

Buffy shook her head. "I never tried making you love me. I had no idea you might love me until Dawn told me!" She noticed he seemed to hesitate for a moment at the mention of Dawn's name. "Dawn, you like Dawn, remember? She's always defending you, she's your friend. She says you're the only one who treats her like a real person..."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a bloody mental patient!" Spike dug the heel of his hand into his forehead. Why did the mention of that stupid little girl make him pause? He felt so confused...

"Just more of her tricks, Spike," Dru said. "She made you think you care 'bout her and her family of freaks, so you would protect them with your own life... she wants you to sacrifice your life for them."

"That's not true!" Buffy insisted, keeping her eyes locked on Spike's.

As Buffy suspected, Spike had faltered when she'd said Dawn's name. He'd actually had affection for Dawn -- but Spike knew now that was a lie too. "You're good, Slayer, I'll give ya that," Spike chuckled. "Makin' me feel anything but contempt and loathing for you and yours... neat trick."

"I didn't do anything!" Buffy groaned. "What you felt was all you, Spike. Nobody made you care about me or my sister. Drusilla is the one controlling you right now!"

Spike growled low in his throat. "I'm not your whipping boy anymore. Payback is a bitch, innit, Slayer?" He stuck his tongue out and curled it up over his fangs.

Buffy swallowed as he came within reach of her. "Spike... please don't do this."

He grinned and laughed wickedly. "Ohh yes, beg me some more, Slayer. I love hearin' you beg for mercy! You remember how you made me beg for a bit of food... starving, I was. But that wasn't enough for you... I had to beg ya. Your turn, Slayer. Now say 'Pretty please with sugar on top', an' maybe I won't make it hurt... too bad... or for too long."

"Dru's making you do this! You have to remember!" Buffy struggled to get out of the chains in vain. The pain radiating from her wrists was excruciating, and blood had started running down her arms where the cuffs had cut into her flesh. Buffy continued to pull against the restraints with all her strength, but it was no use -- she couldn't get free. She had to get Spike to snap out of this thrall Dru had him in -- it was her only chance. "She got in your head and made you think you want to kill me!"

"Oh, but I do want to kill you, Slayer. Don't need no help from anyone else to convince me of that. Killing Slayers is..." He sniffed and smiled, hooking his thumbs into his belt. "Well, it's what you could call a hobby of mine... But you knew that already, yeah?" Spike smirked, pursing his lips slightly and looking quite pleased with himself. "Those crusty ol' Watcher books have a nice summin' up of my glory days, like the Readers' Digest version of my conquests. Well, guess what? Them glory days aren't over just yet."

"You love me -- don't you remember how much you love me?" Buffy hoped to jog his memory. "That crazy loon is manipulating you!"

Spike punched Buffy in the face. She grunted as her head rocked back from the blow and she tasted blood in her mouth from her teeth cutting her lip open again.

"Bite your tongue!" he growled. "You don't talk 'bout my dark goddess like that, Betty!" He grabbed Buffy by the back of her hair, yanked it and got close enough to snarl into her ear. "You hear me?!"

Buffy yelled and grit her teeth. She looked at Spike out of the corner of her eye. He looked positively evil -- his amber eyes held no warmth or affection for her at all. And there wasn't even a twinge of pain evident on his face from punching her. The chip didn't work... and Buffy's spirits sank impossibly lower.

"Answer me, bitch!" Spike demanded.

Another hard pull on her hair made her shout, "Yes, dammit! I hear you!" She never thought she'd be praying for Spike to be in love with her, but the only hope she had of still being alive five minutes from now was for him to shake off Dru's thrall and remember feeling all those things he'd spoken about earlier.

Spike closed his eyes and smiled euphorically. "God, felt so bloody good bein' able to hit you again! I owe it all to my beautiful Drusilla. She said she'd make everything right again... and she has."

Dru was grinning like a maniac and clapping her hands, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. "Oh, this is the grandest gala ball of them all! I'm getting all the presents I wanted!"

Spike let go of Buffy's hair and stepped back, smiling at Dru. "S'wonderful to see you so happy, luv. Does my black heart good, it does."

"You know what would make me happier still, don't you, pet?" Dru asked him, her eyes glittering with dark amusement. "Do it, Spike... Kill her!" she said with barely restrained joy and excitement.

Spike looked back to Buffy and tilted his head, his smile and eyes still full of wicked intent. "Number Three, that's how I'll always remember you, Slayer."

"Spike," Buffy tried to delay the inevitable as long as possible, "this isn't how you want it, is it? With me chained up and defenseless? What kind of great battle is that to brag about? Your demon buddies won't think much of you for killing me this way."

Spike thought about that for a moment, then he smirked and shrugged. "I'll lie. The important thing is that you get your ticket stamped -- how doesn't really matter. After all the bullshit you put me through..." His upper lip curled up over his fangs. "All the beat-downs and broken noses, all the belittling, all the insults you hurled my way...Oh, you've had this comin' a long time now, you stuck-up shrew."

"Yes, make her pay, my darling Spike!" Dru cheered him on. "Make her pay for all of her ill deeds!"

"Y-you remember all that bad stuff I did and said to you -- don't you remember how you loved me?" Buffy asked him, her voice cracking slightly at the end. She felt tears well in her eyes, but they weren’t from fear, they were from hurt and disappointment that the love he had professed just minutes before seemed to be completely erased from his heart. Why did she care? Why did it matter that the love that she hadn’t even known about twenty-four hours ago, or believed in less than an hour ago, was now gone? Buffy blinked the tears back and clenched her jaw, forcing herself to maintain eye contact with him. It only mattered because now he wasn’t helping her, that was the only reason it mattered… right?

Spike's bumpy brow creased, he looked confused for a moment. Then he shook his head rapidly and dug the heel of his hand into his forehead again. "That's... That was a trick! You cast a spell on me -- you made me think and feel things... disgusting things for you!" He spit on the floor. "Was just part of your plan to humiliate and break me!"

"Spike, think! I don't have the power to do that! Drusilla's the one with hocus-pocus hypno powers, not me! And me doing magick of any kind? When have I ever been the least bit witch-y? The closest I’ve ever gotten to using magick was trying that Bacon Genie that cooks bacon in the microwave ‘like magic’! And trust me, that was a miserable failure."

"She had her friends do it, I'll wager!" Dru chimed in. "Those witch friends of hers were all too happy to help her bring you to your knees, my Spike. They laughed at you, they all laughed at you. And maybe she even made those soldiers capture you, told her boy-toy to trap you like an animal -- gave him special, naughty favors for the job, she did."

"None of that is true," Buffy said slowly, looking Spike in the eye. "You have to know it's not true, Spike. Spike, please... please think about this!"

"Get to the ultra-violence, Spike," Drusilla egged him on. She was concerned that he'd paused and had gotten confused a few times. Her thrall shouldn't be wearing off... It was truly disturbing how tight a hold the Slayer had on Spike's mind and heart -- part of him was still fighting this. Just in case it was possible for Spike to come back to his senses, he had to drain the Slayer without further delay -- the only thing that would break the Slayer's spell on him was her blood spilling down his throat. "I want to see you rip her apart. Kill her now!"

Spike stood in front of Buffy, close enough to kiss her (if he still wanted to, that is). He tore away some of the streamers and bows from around Buffy's neck to have full access to her throat.

"Yes, unwrap your present, darling!" Dru giggled with excitement.

"Ready for it, Slayer? I'm gonna finish what I started. I always finish what I start." He grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her head back again, exposing her throat to him.

"Spike, please don't!" Buffy begged.

Spike opened his jaws wide, preparing to chomp down on her neck.

Buffy's body tensed like a bowstring in anticipation of feeling his fangs pierce her skin.

Spike pulled back and laughed, amused that he finally had Buffy where he wanted her. After all this time, he was finally making the mighty Slayer quake with fear. He still had a handful of her hair, but let up enough for her to be able to raise her head to look at him. He wanted to see her face, to see the fear in her eyes.

"That's right, luv." Spike's lip twitched up into a sneer. "You should be afraid... very afraid. Took my chipped status for granted for so long, didn't you? Thought you could disregard me, treat me like dirt... 'cos I didn't pose a threat. Muzzled, I was... well, not anymore -- Big Bad's back. Shame you only see the error of your ways right before the end."

Buffy looked into his amber eyes, wishing she could see his crystal blue eyes and the caring and warmth that had been in them earlier. There was nothing but hatred and an evil sort of glee in his eyes now. "I didn't dust you after you were chipped... I easily could have, but I didn't."

"Your mistake! If you had half a brain, you would've taken me out of the picture while you still had the chance, Slayer." Spike chuckled. "Instead of opting for a quick staking, you went the slower route to destroying me, didn't you? You kept me 'round to have someone you could look down on and make you and your pals feel superior, someone you could pummel when you got brassed off, someone you could control."

Buffy shook her head, and began to deny the accusations, "That's not --"

"I usually don't enjoy playin' with my food so much... but this is special, innit, luv?" Spike ran an index finger delicately along her jawline. "I think I'll let you linger a bit. How's that sound?"

Buffy stared at him, unsure of what to think. Was he faking being under Dru's spell, after all? Was he intentionally stalling and didn't really want to 'play with his food'? If Spike was acting, he deserved an Oscar.

"Poor little Slayer..." Spike leaned in to sniff her neck and inhaled deeply through his nose. "All alone... no annoying chums to help you out of the bind you're in this time. You'll die miserable, in pain, and alone, just like all the Slayers before you have." He pulled back to smile at her and enjoy the fear in her eyes. "You smell the fear, Dru-pet?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Mmmmhmmm. Simply intoxicating," Dru replied with a shudder, closing her eyes and running her hands down her sides.

"If you could bottle that, you'd be fucking rich," Spike told Buffy, chuckling. "The vamps would be linin' up 'round the block for that fragrance -- Eau du Slayer."

Dru was enjoying the mouth-watering aroma of the Slayer's fear too, but every moment Spike delayed biting her could be costly. "The music is still playing... Why did you stop? Finish her, Spike!"

He growled and turned his head. "I'm doin' this my way, Dru. Just 'cos I haven't dined on a human for a long time doesn't mean I need to be coddled and cosseted and walked through the bloody process!"

"Spike, if you snap out of this, you're going to hate yourself for doing this later..." Buffy said when he turned his attention back to her.

"Not bloody likely, Slayer." His golden eyes moved over her, from her manacled wrists to the picture Dru had made on her stomach, then he looked back into her shiny green eyes. "I want to enjoy this... take my time. Your death won't be a quick one, luv."

Buffy gasped when he pulled her head back again. She stared up at the ceiling, wondering why she'd been dealt such a shitty hand in life. Everything had to be agonizing... falling for and then losing Angel the way she had, losing friends, Riley leaving her -- those were just some of the miserable highlights from her life. And now, Spike. It was just how she'd come to expect her life to work out: she only realized that she had feelings for Spike on the same night that Drusilla mind-fucked him into murdering her... Yep, that was Buffy's luck, alright.

Spike wrapped an arm around her, pulling her body flush against his. He pressed his tongue into the hollow of her throat, and then slowly dragged his tongue upwards, over her chin to her lips. He flicked her split lower lip with the tip of his tongue.

Buffy groaned, not knowing when the deathblow would come. But it wasn't just fear and dread she was feeling... The way Spike was holding her, feeling his tongue gliding up her neck and flicking at her mouth was making her feel tingly. 'Oh my God, how sick am I?! He's about to kill me, and he's still making me hot!'

But Buffy went quickly from being shocked by her libido acting up at a time like this, to embracing it. If she was really about to die, what was the harm of getting a few nice tingles in before the end? And she thought it might be possible that her reacting with desire to what Spike was doing might help him shake off Dru's thrall. If she could remind him that he wanted her... perhaps give him a different fragrance to concentrate on... Eau du desire.

"Mmmm, tasty neck you have, Slayer," Spike murmured, licking up the same path he had a few moments ago.

This time, when Spike's tongue swept up to her lips, Buffy opened her mouth and sucked his tongue inside. Spike's golden eyes widened in surprise, and then fluttered as Buffy's lips and tongue began mauling his.

Buffy ground her lower body against him. She felt like a wanton slut... but it was necessary. He hadn't expected her to do something like this, and she used the way he went motionless with shock to her advantage. Her bottom lip was throbbing -- but that wasn't the only thing that was throbbing. Not that she was doing this for her own pleasure... it was to bring Spike out of the trance. That's all.

Spike growled into her mouth, kissing her harder and holding her tighter. Their tongues tangled together as they plumbed each other's mouth. The traces of her blood in her mouth, combined with what just kissing her did to him, left Spike helpless to fight the urge to give in to his sudden, almost painful, desire.

"Spike!" Drusilla screamed, horrified by the display. "What are you doing?! I told you to rip her to pieces -- not snog her to death!"

Spike opened his eyes and jumped away from Buffy. They were both panting for breath and lightheaded from the sudden rush of lust.

Spike couldn't believe he'd let himself get caught in the Slayer's web again -- he'd forgotten what it was he'd wanted to do when she started kissing him. All thoughts of killing her had been pushed right out of his mind; the only thing he'd wanted was to keep kissing her, touching her... Obviously, part of his mind was still bewitched by the Slayer.

He spit on the ground and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his look of lust turning into revulsion. "That was a powerful spell you cast on me, Slayer..." Spike said in a low, wavering voice.

"There was no spell," Buffy responded, breathing heavily. "That was just good, old-fashioned lust."

"Kill her!" Dru shouted urgently. "Do it now!"

Spike growled and turned his head to Dru. "Yes, dear, I'm doing it, dear!" he replied irritably, imitating the henpecked character of Basil Fawlty. "Shut your gob! I'm gettin' to it!"

Dru whined. Joshua frowned and patted Dru comfortingly on the back.

Spike took a breath, ran his hand back through his hair, and hung his head for a few moments. "I'm sorry, baby... It's just... this devious cow was trying to muddle my thoughts again. I'm a bit tense, is all."

His eyes narrowed at Buffy. "Stop playin' tricks with my mind, Slayer. All you're doin' is making this harder and more painful for yourself."

Buffy's eyes dropped to his groin. "Speaking of harder..." she said, managing to cock an eyebrow and give him a naughty smile. She was playing up the lust between them, trying to put her fear and the pain she was in aside. This might be the only way she could reach Spike -- the Spike who loved and wanted her... the Spike that wouldn't kill her.

Spike gulped, pulled his duster closed and glanced guiltily back at Dru. He growled and grabbed Buffy by the hair again, his face just inches from hers. "Shut your mouth, you rancid little..."

"You know you want me, Spike," Buffy whispered huskily. "I want you, too. I've thought about being with you, wondering what it would be like..." She let out a throaty little moan. "I bet you could make me scream... make me cum longer and harder than those limp dicks I was with before..."

Spike gaped at her, not able to form words. His mind and body were captivated with what she was saying and offering.

"You can have me..." Buffy continued. "Get rid of them," her eyes darted to where Dru and the minions were standing, "and you can fuck the hell out of me -- right here, right now. You can kill me... if you still want to after you're done."

Spike swallowed and tried shaking off the trance she'd been putting him in. He sneered, "Never knew you were such a filthy harlot..."

Buffy could tell she was getting to him, despite his attempt at acting indifferent. His glazed, golden eyes kept moving between her lips and her eyes, and, despite the fact that he actually didn't need to breathe, his breathing was coming quicker.

"I can be your filthy harlot, Spike. Did you know that Slayers have special muscles? Like nothing you've ever felt before..." Buffy had gleaned that mostly from Faith's bawdy talk. Buffy, herself, had never noticed sex being enhanced in any way because of her Slayerness, and the men she'd been with hadn't mentioned anything especially-special afterwards... She might have special muscles, but she wouldn't know how to go about utilizing them. "I've never been bad before, Spike. Big Bad can teach me how to be bad..."

Spike flinched back when Buffy licked at his mouth. He was very confused again... Part of him was reacting strongly to her words (a part of his mind, and a particular part of his body). She was trying to ensnare him in her trap again, trying to bewitch him. She was still trying to break and humiliate him... Well, he'd show her who was boss.

"You want it, pet?" Spike asked, his voice deep and rumbling. He put a hand on her hip and slid it onto her ass.

"Oh yes, I want it," Buffy said breathily. "I want it so bad..."

"Let's try another kind of penetration... see how effective your magickal bugaboo is with my fangs inside ya." Spike grinned at her, flashing his sharp, white teeth, and then swiftly bit down on the crook of her neck.

Buffy gasped and her eyes went wide in panic as his fangs sliced into her flesh. 'Oh God, he's going to kill me!' her mind screamed. She thought she'd been making some headway in reaching him...

Sounds became muffled, as though she were underwater. She thought she could hear Drusilla cheering, some of the minions whistling and clapping, and one of them (she suspected was 'Dave') shout, "Awesome! Totally awesome!" But mostly, all Buffy heard was her pulse thundering in her ears, Spike's animal-like growls, and the slurping sound of him drinking her blood.

And then the pain started to transform into pleasure. It still hurt, but the signals being given by her naughty bits were overwhelming the pain and fear.

"Spike..." Buffy moaned. "Please..." She wasn't sure what she was asking him for -- a quick death, a quick fuck, or for him to let her go. 'Tell him you want him to let you go, you idiot!' her mind shouted. "Please, Spike..."

This wasn't a killing bite, Spike had chosen to bite between her shoulder and neck, just to put the bitch in her place and show her she couldn't manipulate him anymore. Spike had intended to give her a nasty bite though -- tear at her skin, make it hurt as much as possible. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to rip at her, he didn't shake his head with his fangs embedded in her flesh like he'd enjoyed doing with some of his other victims. Something was making him hold back; he was being gentle -- as gentle as biting someone can get, anyway.

The first pull of her blood into his mouth bombarded his senses. Ambrosia, sweet ambrosia. Fireworks went off inside of him, his mind and body sang with unbridled ecstasy. A rapid slide-show of memories passed before Spike's eyes, accompanied by a flurry of emotions rushing through him. Everything, every moment he'd ever spent with or thinking about Buffy, flashed through his mind.

Spike's eyes had closed in bliss when he'd first bitten into the Slayer's tender flesh, but his eyes shot back open once the memories and emotions registered in his weary mind. Her blood flowing into his mouth (though undeniably delicious) was like a bucket of cold water being dumped over his head, awakening the startled sleeper within him. He realized that he really did love Buffy, it hadn't been a trick; it was Dru that had cast the spell, not Buffy. And now he was taking part in the murder of the woman he loved most in the world...

'Oh God, no! What the bloody hell am I doing?! Stop! Stop!' Spike's mind screamed at him.

He immediately retracted his fangs and stumbled backwards away from Buffy. Buffy was reeling from being bitten, but she felt hopeful again at the look on Spike's face. He looked confused, shocked, and horrified all at once. And it was his human face looking so shocked, not the vampire.

Buffy wasn't in great shape, by any means, but she wasn't near death as she'd feared she would be when Spike stopped feeding from her. In actuality, Spike had only had his teeth in Buffy for about ten to fifteen seconds. Both the vampire and Slayer had been swept away in the sensations; seconds had seemed to stretch into hours.

Spike panted for breath as he tried to calm down, still staring at Buffy with a blank look of horror on his face. He was trembling and trying to piece together how things had gotten so out of control. Drusilla had hypnotized him... he remembered now...

Drusilla hurried over to him. "Spike, what's wrong?"

"It's just..." He closed his eyes and bowed his head, putting his hands to his head. His mind still felt foggy and confused, but the fog had cleared enough for him to be in control again. "It's a profound experience... doin' a Slayer. I'd forgotten..."

Dru had been worried that he'd snapped out of the trance, but he seemed alright. She laid her hands on his shoulders, massaging them lightly, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss the side of his neck. "Been too long since you tasted the blood of a Slayer, my darling."

Spike nodded, still massaging his forehead, not wanting to meet her eyes and take the chance that she could tell the trance had been broken.

"Don't stop now," Dru urged him. "Play with the bad Slayer some more... but no more snogging." She frowned. "I didn't care for that part... it was rancid... like Christmas pudding at Easter."

Spike raised his head, his vampire features slid back into place. "Right, definitely no more snogging... She was tryin' to work her will on me again, but I fought it." He stepped back up to Buffy, wondering if, and how, he could get both of them out of this alive.

Buffy tensed when Spike put his arms around her and held her against his body again. It wasn't as easy to read his vampire face as the human one.

"That was just a brief timeout, Buffy," Spike said slowly, subtly emphasizing her name. "I was overcome for a moment, but don't get all excited thinkin' I won't finish you off."

Buffy caught the fact that he'd used her name: he didn't say Slayer, luv, Betty (that intentional corruption of her name had especially ticked Buffy off), or one of the other less than flattering things he'd called her this evening.

Spike dipped his head to put his mouth near the bite marks he'd made on her shoulder. He whispered in her ear, "Pretend I'm hurting you..."

He plastered his mouth over the bleeding marks, feigning biting and feeding off her some more. But Spike was actually only licking the bite he'd made, which would help the bleeding slow to a stop more quickly and aid in healing. He made some angry growling noises and jerked her body to make it seem like he was getting into feeding on her.

Buffy made faces like she was in horrible pain from what he was doing. "Ugggh! Stop! Don't! You sonuvabitch, I'm going to dust your ass!" she cried, putting on a good enough act to make Dru giggle and bounce happily in place. Buffy was in some pain from the injuries Drusilla had already inflicted on her, so it wasn't hard to fake that part of it.

Buffy was almost afraid to get hopeful again -- every other time she'd let herself start getting optimistic tonight, the hope had been snatched away. It wasn't easy to stay 'in character' though, feeling Spike's body against hers and his tongue stroking her skin was making her hot again. 'Wow, I really am a sick puppy...' Buffy thought as her body reacted to Spike's touch... it seemed to have an agenda of its own.

She could only imagine how feverish and horny Spike would be able to make her feel under optimal conditions... without Dru and her stupid minions watching them, without Buffy being slashed, bitten, and in pain. Buffy's mind conjured up a picture of being alone with Spike -- she didn't know if it was in a room she'd been in before, the only feature in the room was a big, black silk-sheeted bed. They were standing near the bed, locked in each other's arms, Spike wearing only his black jeans, and Buffy wearing a satiny, red negligee. Spike was holding her and kissing her passionately, and Buffy was enjoying every moment of it. She moaned and ran her hands up his smooth, muscular arms. And then he was scooping her up in his arms, and carrying her to the bed. He set her down on the bed, and then crawled to her, lowering his body to hers and...

"Ohh Spike," Buffy said in a moan. She opened her eyes and saw Drusilla standing off to the left, and the five minions standing further back in the room. 'Oops... got a little carried away there... Damn...' Then Buffy remembered she was supposed to be acting pissed off that he was biting her. "No! No! Stop!" she panted, rattling the chains that were securing her arms. "You bastard!"

When Spike was finally satisfied that the marks would begin to heal rapidly, he backed away from Buffy. He grinned and licked his lips. "Mmmm! Nothin' like Slayer blood to make ya feel on top of the bloody world! Shame there's only one of her and we can only kill her the one time."

Buffy pretended to be a lot weaker and out of it than she actually felt. She drooped in her chains, bowing her head and moaning in pain.

Dru wrapped her arms around Spike's midsection from behind. "Ooh, I loved watchin' you drain her, my deadly boy!" She hugged him tight. Buffy wasn't dead yet, but Spike had fed from her and he was still keen on having more. "You've drank from the fountain and it has restored you, just as I knew it would."

"Dude, is it better than Thai Stick?" Dave asked from behind them. Spike slowly swiveled his head to look at him.
"I heard Slayer blood was like..." Dave trailed off at the displeased look on Spike's face.

Spike glared at him. "Y'know, it's funny... I could swear you were just speakin' to me without bein' spoken to again, Spicoli. But that couldn't be... 'cos I already warned you once about that..."

"Oh right, uh... sorry, boss-man!" Dave gave him a military salute. "Hey, you think we can order some 'za and have it delivered? We could totally eat the delivery dude."

Spike growled. "One more word outta you, and you will have eaten your last slice of 'za and delivery dude. Comprende?"

Dave gulped. "Comprend-a-mente, boss." Then he made a zipping gesture across his mouth. But then he nudged the minion next to him and whispered, "That's our thing -- me and Spike, we're, like, buds."

Spike rolled his eyes, thinking that one thing he hadn't missed since he'd been chipped was having to deal with idiot subordinates... of course, dealing with the Slayer's groupies wasn't much different.

Drusilla splayed her hands on Spike's chest, and then started rubbing in circles, downward. "Mmmm, has the Slayer's blood got you feelin' randy, sweet Spike? Do you have a big present for me, too?"

Spike caught her hands before she could move them below his belt. He turned to her, smiled, and brought her hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles. "We'll make love soon, pet. I'm dyin' to be with you again... But I ain't done with the Slayer quite yet. And this is too marvelous a job to rush."

He was afraid he'd see that look come across Dru's face, the look that told him she could see through his deception. But her smile didn't falter, she still believed he was under her influence... Spike supposed that all the excitement and the smell of Buffy's blood in the air was throwing Dru off a bit. She'd been extremely intuitive since she'd come to him at the crypt earlier tonight, it worried him that she might be able to see right through him. Had it only been a few hours since Dru had surprised him by showing up at the crypt? It seemed much, much longer than that...

Dru wanted Spike to ravish her just like he'd done after he'd gotten a taste of that Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion. But he was right, Buffy had to be dealt with before any frolicking. It was just so hard to rein in her desire for him. It wouldn't be much longer now, though...

Spike had a notion to order the minions out of the room so he wouldn't have to deal with them and Dru when his cover was blown (as it would be any minute now), but Dru would get suspicious if he suggested the minions leave, and he couldn't have her suspect anything just yet. He just had to forge ahead and hope for the best... Spike wasn't relishing what would be coming next, but getting Buffy safely out of here was the only thing that mattered.

"I want you to end it by ripping her heart from her chest, Spike. That will be the grand finale -- when the brilliant fireworks go off -- boom, pow, boom! -- and light up the starry sky." Dru brought his hands to her mouth and nibbled at his fingers. "She tried taking your heart, so we can take hers. And we'll feast on it, together... like a ripe hand fruit. Ohh, such sweet poetry..." She closed her eyes and swayed.

Spike somehow kept the smile on his face. "Lookin' forward to it, Ducks."

He pulled away from Drusilla and approached the drowsy-looking Slayer again. Music had been playing in the background the entire time, though it had been ignored for the most part. There was too much going on to pay attention to songs -- the last one he consciously remembered hearing was 'Paint It Black'.

But Spike had always liked the song that started playing.

{{

Hear the song at the following link:

With or Without You - U2

}}

It was kind of spooky how accurately the song related to how he felt about Buffy: she frequently made him feel like he was losing his bleedin' mind, she frustrated and infuriated him beyond belief on a regular basis... but, at the same time, she owned a piece of his heart. Spike would do anything for Buffy; he was her willing slave. He would prove to her that she could count on him to be on her side, he would get her out of this mansion, or die trying.

Spike only hoped that Buffy could find a way to forgive him for the things he'd said and done tonight... especially biting her. He could just imagine how revolted and angry she had to be with him for that. He might get Dru and the minions out of the way only to be staked by Buffy herself for the things he'd done to her. Maybe that's what Dru had seen in her vision? But that was a risk he'd have to take.

What he wouldn't give to be alone with Buffy right now, to share a dance with her to the song instead of the unpleasantness that was about to go down...

Spike put his hands on Buffy's hips, and then sank down to his knees in front of her. He caught Buffy's eyes as he looked up at her from the floor. Her head was still drooping, but he was relieved to see her eyes were bright and alert.

Drusilla's smile turned down at the corners, she wasn't sure what Spike was doing. She smiled again when she saw Spike begin licking lightly at the Slayer's stomach. He was just admiring the family portrait and having another taste -- no worries.

Spike sat back on his heels, shook his head and sighed. "Uh-uh, no. This just won't do."

"What won't do?" Dru asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"I've got an idea that'll make it more interesting..." Spike fished the silver key out of his coat pocket, and then quickly started unlocking one of the shackles on Buffy's legs. Yes, he'd been fast enough to pocket the key when he'd had the chance, and he was very glad for it now.

"What are you doing...?" Icy fingers of dread ran up and down Drusilla's spine. "Spike, stop! Don't unleash that monster!"

"Much as I hate to admit it, the bint was right -- I can't do her like this," Spike said coolly, unlocking the other shackle. "It just ain't in my nature; I need her comin' at me, I need a fight. I won't be like one of those so-called 'hunters' that shoot wild animals in pens -- there's no sport in that. Part of the thrill is the challenge involved in defeating a Slayer, and there's no 'challenge' in this."

Buffy flexed the muscles in her legs. She felt woozy and weak, but she thought she'd still be able to do some damage by kicking the shit out of the minions... she'd especially enjoy kicking Joshua's ass. She held her breath waiting to see if Spike would be stopped before he finished unchaining her.

Spike stood and reached up to remove the manacles from Buffy's bleeding wrists. Buffy stayed still and quiet, continuing to act dazed and weak, as she felt Spike unlocking her cuffs.

"No!" Drusilla tried preventing him from freeing the Slayer, grabbing at his arm. "No! You can't let the sow out of the sty 'til it's ready for slaughter!"

Spike growled and shoved her forcefully away from him.

Drusilla went pinwheeling backwards, landing on the floor several feet away from Spike and Buffy. Joshua was at Dru's side in an instant, the other minions were just kind of shocked and watched the scene play out.

Dru pointed a trembling hand at Spike. "Stop him!" She whimpered, realizing what was going on now... Her Spike was gone again -- he was the Slayer's whipping boy once more. Dru was dumbfounded by it... Drinking the Slayer's blood should have reminded Spike of who he was meant to be -- not revert to being the Slayer's lickspittle.

The minions charged at Spike. They were afraid of him -- Spike had the reputation of being one of the best of the worst vamps ever to walk the planet -- but there were five of them and only one of him. Those odds made them feel a bit more brave.

"Bugger!" Spike muttered and spun around to face his attackers. He'd been able to free Buffy's left hand, but not the right.

Buffy stopped playing possum, raised her head and braced her legs apart to help her stand up straight. She hoped she'd be able to help Spike somehow. She held tightly onto the chain still attached to her right wrist; Buffy was actually glad that she had something to keep her upright. If it weren't for the chain, she might have just slumped to the floor to watch the fight from down there.

Spike reached behind him thrusting the key at Buffy. She grabbed the key from his hand, sucking in air at the bolts of agony that raced up her arm from trying to use her dislocated fingers. She couldn't hold onto the key and it fell to the floor. "Shit!" Buffy cursed.

Spike didn't know she'd dropped the key, he had to shift his focus to Dru's underlings running at him. He dropped into a fighting stance, cocking a fist back. But then he surprised the minions by letting out a roar and launching himself at them. He came down in the middle of the pack, bringing four of them down to the floor with him.

Buffy tried bending down to pick up the key, but the remaining chain wouldn't let her bend that far. She strained and grunted, but decided to give up before the cuff bit any further into her already aching wrist.

Even though she and Spike were still in a lot of danger, she couldn't help pausing to admire what an enthusiastic and powerful fighter he was. He was outnumbered, but he'd dived right into the midst of the oncoming foes. He was on his feet again, punching and kicking furiously. He was getting hit too, but he seemed to absorb the blows and just kept going.

Spike glanced over at Buffy, growling at seeing she was still chained. "What'd you do with the sodding key?!" he asked as he ducked under a minion's swing.

"My damn fingers don't work! I can't hold it!" Buffy defended, holding up her wounded hand.

Spike kicked a minion in the stomach, and then brought his joined fists down on the back of the minion's neck when it doubled over, knocking that one out of the fight for at least a few minutes. "Can you fight, Slayer?"

"If I wasn't stuck over here in left field? Yeah, I think so," Buffy replied, looking up at her manacled hand. Her adrenalin was pumping, helping to temporarily decrease her pain and give her an energy boost.

Joshua swung a fist at Spike. Spike leaned back to avoid the punch (reminding Buffy of that neat thing from 'The Matrix'), then he straightened up as Joshua's momentum carried him past Spike. As Joshua passed, Spike grabbed him by the back of his jacket and pants and threw him toward Buffy.

Buffy smiled evilly as he came skidding at her. Time for a little payback for hanging the bows and other crap on her, and for that punch to her face, too -- can't forget about that. Joshua gasped, trying to stop when he saw he was heading for the 3/4 unchained Slayer.

Buffy turned to the side, put her weight on her right leg and kicked out with the left. Her foot struck Joshua in the center of the chest. He flew through the air, landing all the way across the room on top of the buffet table. The table collapsed under him, leaving him groaning and rolling around amongst the debris.

Drusilla mumbled nonsensically as she rose to her feet. Her dreams were shattered, she would never have her darling Spike back again. Her happy family was lost forever... Spike was now fated to die, thanks to the Slayer and her wicked powers of seduction. Spike had chosen the Slayer...

But Dru could still dip a fly in the ointment by killing Buffy. Dru wouldn't permit her Spike to couple with the Slayer -- she knew Buffy would welcome him into her bed eventually. She'd seen those nauseating scenarios too many times in her mind's eye.

Dru went to the table that held the sharp knives she'd used on Buffy. She hummed 'A Doll's Funeral' by Tchaikovsky as she picked up a dagger with a jagged edge, and tested its sharpness on a fingertip.

{{

Hear the song at the following link:

The Doll's Funeral - Peter Ilyitch Tchaikovsky

}}

Another minion had found a machete-type weapon and was swinging it in a frenzy at Spike. The blade swooshed through the air as Spike dodged it again and again -- ducking, bending backwards (that neat 'Matrix' thing again), dodging to the left and right. Spike was frankly astonished that he was able to thrust and parry as well as he was. Tonight, he'd: been beaten about the head and shoulders with a crowbar, been through emotional hell, and mind-fucked by Dru. His brain felt mushy from getting worked over so much. But he was still fighting as if he were in tiptop condition. Spike knew he was fighting so well because of what he was fighting for. How well he fought would decide if Buffy lived or died. Failure was not an option; he had to fight more ferociously than he'd ever fought before. For her.

And, of course, thinking about what he was doing (and how vital it was that he not fail), instead of just letting his instincts direct him, made Spike react a tad too slow to a swing. He didn't back up enough and the minion got a lucky slash in at Spike's stomach. Spike hissed, more angry at himself for losing his concentration than in pain, and refocused on the fight.

Spike ducked under a high swing, grabbed the minion's arm and then swung him face-first into another minion who was getting ready to attack Spike from behind. As those two minions collapsed to the ground, Spike turned to see who was next on his dance card.

The first minion he'd knocked out had gotten back up and was coming at Spike. Spike swooped down to pick up a sharp piece of wood from the broken buffet table as his foe jumped at him. Spike plunged the stake through the minion's chest, and then shook his head to shake off the vamp dust that rained down on him.

And that left Dave as the last minion standing. Dave got amped on violence and bloodshed like any good vampire did, but he didn't like actually being in the brawl himself. He would be happy just to sit on the sidelines, smoking a blunt and drinking a pint of blood, while watching others engaged in life-or-death struggles.

Spike emitted a leonine roar and bared his teeth, his shoulders heaving with exertion.

"Whoa..." Dave held his hands up and walked backwards farther away from Spike. "This shit has seriously harshed my buzz. I, like, quit, man. I am sooo fuckin' outta here... Aloha, dudes!" And with that, Dave ran out the door and there was one less minion to contend with.

Spike thought about chasing down the tosser, but he decided to let that one get away. Protecting Buffy was his main concern, so if the minions hightailed it and ran, that just meant less of them he'd have to waste his time combating.

The two minions got up again, they should have run away too, but they were pissed off and wanted to kill Spike for besting them. They started tussling with Spike again, trading punches and kicks with the older and more skilled vampire. They would rather be on Spike's side in a fight than against him, if only he wasn't on the stupid Slayer's side... He was a little guy, couldn't be more than 5'10", but -- damn! -- he could kick some ass!

Dru looked to make sure Spike was still busy fighting with the minions before she made her way to Buffy.

Buffy was waiting for Spike to throw another minion her way when she noticed Drusilla walking slowly toward her. Dru seemed to be floating along the parquet floor, coming at Buffy with an insane smile, tears on her face, and brandishing a huge, wicked-looking knife. Buffy's eyes went wide with fear -- but she wasn't defenseless this time, she reminded herself. Doing any punching with her injured hand wasn't an option, but Buffy's legs still worked well enough, and she could actually use the manacled hand for greater leverage.

Buffy grit her teeth and kicked clumsily at Dru when she came close enough to strike. But Dru was able to get out of kicking range before Buffy's foot could connect.

"Come on, try it! I'll literally kick your skinny ass!" Buffy declared, still trying to kick Dru. She didn't want Dru getting close enough to stab or try using her hypno powers on her again.

"I don't have to get close to get you with this, Slayer," Dru said, fingering the tip of the knife. "I can just throw it at one of your vitals. I'll throw it good an' hard so it'll stick good an' proper."

The two minions Spike was fighting happened onto the area of the floor near where the punch bowl had been knocked over while they fought with him. One slipped in the pool of blood and pulled the other one down with him. They scrambled and fell on their asses over and over again.

Spike had to resist the urge to stop and laugh at their antics. It was like a really dark Three Stooges short -- vampires and humans alike enjoyed slapstick humor. But the sooner he got them out of the way, the sooner he could get Buffy out of here. Spike put one of the minions out of their misery with his stake, being careful not to slip in the blood himself.

As Spike was about to dust the last remaining minion, he heard Dru and Buffy exchanging words. Fear gripped Spike's heart like a fist -- he should have been concentrating on Drusilla, not her underlings. He should have stayed near Buffy to protect her...

During the fight, Joshua had gotten back up and run outside to round up the minions that were guarding the house, only to find that they'd taken off. The others had left when they heard the fighting start inside the mansion, they thought the Slayer had gotten free, and they were not sticking around to incur her wrath. He swore he'd dust those assholes if he ever saw them again. How could they leave Mistress Dru?! He ran back to the house to protect her from Spike and the Slayer if he could.

Spike looked over and saw Buffy straining to kick Dru, who was laughing and stabbing a large knife in the air at Buffy.

Buffy was rapidly losing what little energy she had left with the frantic kicking she was doing. She knew she should just try calming down and getting focus-y, to make her strikes count, but she was just so worn down by everything she'd been through. She was nearly out of strength, and that made her feel more panicky.

She needed Spike's help, but she didn't dare take her eyes off Dru to see how Spike's fight was going. "Spike!" Buffy called.

And then he was there, as if he'd just materialized right in front of her.

Spike captured Dru's arm and shook her by it until the dagger fell from her hand. Dru snarled and started punching and scratching at him. Spike gave her a hard shove to get her away from Buffy, and then pursued her. They kept exchanging blows as they moved further away from the exhausted Slayer.

“You’ll regret it, Spike!” Dru growled. “You’ll regret choosing the Slayer over me! She'll be your doom... ashes, Spike... you'll be ashes!"

Spike grabbed her by the throat, pushing and holding Drusilla against the wall and shutting her up. “You should've let us walk out of here, Dru... It didn’t have to come to this!”

Dru gripped his arm that was holding her against the wall, showing her teeth. “I’ll wriggle free, and I’ll rip her heart out. See how much you can love her once she’s just a lifeless shell!” She grinned evilly, looking past Spike at Buffy.

“I’m sorry,” Spike whispered, and then clenched his jaw and raised the stake in his hand.

“Stop!” Joshua shouted from the other side of the room.

Spike froze and turned his head. He wouldn’t have let that stop him, except that the voice was coming from where Buffy was still chained up. Spike had thought Joshua had run off...

Joshua had an arm wrapped around Buffy’s body from behind and was holding the dagger Drusilla had dropped a minute ago to Buffy’s throat.

"Drop the stake, Spike, or I'll cut your whore a new smile!" Joshua growled. He'd always wanted to use that 'cut someone a new smile' threat, and this was a perfect occasion for it.

Buffy groaned in pain and frustration. The stupid minion had snuck up on her while she’d been resting and had her eyes closed for only a few seconds. And now the tables were turned in Dru’s favor again...

Spike looked at Buffy, then at the knife Joshua was holding against her neck, calculating how fast he could move.

“If I give the word, he’ll cut her deep,” Dru panted. “Not even you could make it to her in time to stop her blood from gushing like a geyser. We can put on our bathing suits and run through the sprinkler!”

Drusilla was right, from this distance, he wouldn't be able to prevent Buffy's throat from getting slashed. Spike slowly lowered his arm, let go of Dru’s neck and stepped away from her, letting the stake clatter to the floor.

Dru shoved him away. “Bad doggie! You’ve lain with a flea-ridden cur and need to be put down!” She smoothed down her dress and tried to compose herself. "Joshua, when you cut her throat, make sure you press real hard, and don’t stop ’til you hit her hard bony bits." Dru giggled crazily as she moved around Spike, walking backwards toward Joshua and Buffy. She smiled wickedly at Spike, but spoke to her best minion, "Make her look like a Pez dispenser! Sweet, sweet candy..."

“Alright... let’s calm down now...” Spike said, holding up his hands, as he slowly made his way over to the archway. “Let her go. You want a fight? Fight me.”

Joshua yelled, “Stop right there!”

Spike halted, not wanting to spook the twitchy blighter into cutting Buffy.

“Are you okay, Mistress?” Joshua asked.

“My world has crumbled,” Dru moaned, her voice shaking. “My sweet William has gone away... only the creature she created remains.”

The minion who'd been slippin' and slidin' in the pool of blood was finally able to move away from it and get his bearings. Blood dripped off of him as he hurried over to where Dru and Joshua were. "Sorry, Mistress Dru, I just got hung up in the blood back there," the minion said, jerking his thumb back at the pool of blood.

Dru rolled her brown eyes and sighed at the bloody minion -- Spike was right about so many of them being daft. "Never mind, you've arrived in time for the coup de grâce... You get to see the Slayer's throat become a lovely, crimson fountain. Do you remember Rome, Spike? We played in the Trevi Fountain at midnight under a crescent moon... we can play again, my Spike... here, now."

“Stop this, Dru!” Spike pled, at his wit’s end. “Haven’t we all suffered enough tonight?!”

She shook her head. “Oh no, never can be enough suffering. Not for her.”

“Just kill them, Spike!” Buffy said wearily. “I don’t care what happens to me -- as long as you kill them!”

“Shut up, Slayer!” Joshua pressed the knife harder against her throat.

Spike looked between Dru’s, Joshua’s and Buffy’s eyes. He could almost hear the theme from ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly’.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube link:

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly theme

}}

“You realize...” Spike inched closer to them, his blue eyes boring into Joshua’s, “that I’ll rip you to pieces if you cut her, don’t you? I’ll save your head and heart for last so you don’t die too quick... I promise you immense suffering...”

“Yes, but she’ll still be dead,” Dru said bitterly. “It doesn’t matter to you that following her will lead you to your own destruction... Are you really that tired of this world, pretty Spike? Are there no more fountains for you to play in?"

“I would die to protect her... I’ve known that for a while now.” His eyes set on Buffy for a moment. “If that’s my fate... at least I’d go out doin’ something I believed in.” He sniffed and smiled slightly at Dru. “Who wants to live forever, anyway?”

Dru whined and put her hands to her face. It was worse than she’d ever imagined... Spike was completely lost.

Despite the dire circumstances, Buffy managed a small smile for Spike. It completely blew her away that he could say (and mean) something like that. Tonight had shown her that Spike had changed, he had a lot of good in him -- it seemed that his feelings for her brought out the best in him. Buffy swore to herself that she would have a nice talk with Spike about everything... if they could only walk out of here alive.

Spike moved a little closer. All he needed to do was get close enough to grab Joshua’s arm before the blade could be dragged across Buffy’s throat. “If you let the pillock kill her, Dru... I’ll dust you. You won’t have but five seconds to enjoy your victory.”

"I take no joy in this, Spike... All my joy's been gobbled up and swallowed... just like the Slayer’s gobbled up my Spike -- all that’s left of him are memories and shadows. You’re not the same, you’ve changed in terrible, awful ways... You were going to do it... goin’ to kill me to protect her," Dru pouted, her big brown eyes swimming with tears, her chin trembling.

Spike remembered a time not long ago when that look would have made him do whatever Dru wanted. He couldn't bear seeing her sad and unhappy. And even now, after everything she'd done, it broke his heart. But his mind was made up. "I'm sorry, Dru. I wish it didn't have to be like this. Why couldn't you just stay away from this sodding town?”

Drusilla closed her eyes and wobbled on her feet, seeing the bad things that would happen to Spike again because of his devotion to the Slayer. The visions were sad and disturbing... but there was a finality to them that she hadn’t felt when she’d had them before. Spike had gone too far down the path, without even a breadcrumb trail to follow back home to her: his destiny was out of Drusilla’s hands now.

Dru opened her eyes and let out a tremulous sigh, coming to an unhappy decision. “Your fate is written in the stars now, Spike.” She touched Joshua’s arm. “Let her go.”

Joshua did a double-take. “W-what? We’re just... going to give up? But...”

The bloody minion (who was wringing out his shirt) also did a double-take. Things seemed to be going Mistress Dru's way, so why was she backing down?

Dru shook her head and tugged on his arm. “The universe has other plans for them. The pixies will be cross if Spike or the Slayer dies right now. The pixies are ill-tempered, they’ll nibble at your bits while you sleep if you rile them.”

Joshua was confused, but he released Buffy and jumped quickly away from her, in case she tried kicking him. But Buffy didn’t have any energy left to kick him. She did narrow her eyes and give him an intense scowling though.

The moment Dru and her minions moved away from Buffy, Spike rushed to Buffy’s side. He wasn’t sure what it was that made Dru give up so suddenly, but he was glad that it happened, for whatever crazy reason she had for doing it. Buffy looked like she was about ready to pass out. Spike put his arm around her waist to help support her. Buffy threw her free arm around him, sagging against him.

Spike murmured in her ear, "It's alright now, luv. It's over."

Buffy nodded, hoping he was right... she was a little afraid to even think that thought, every other time tonight she'd thought it was over she'd turned out to be gravely mistaken.

Spike raised his hand to Buffy's head, running his hand lightly over her hair and fighting the urge to kiss the top of her head. He was afraid to give her even a gentle touch; he could tell she was in pain just from him holding her around her middle.

Dru, Joshua, and the bloody minion backed away, going toward the front door of the mansion. It pained Dru to see the way Spike was tending to the Slayer, she could feel his love and devotion pouring out onto that blonde jezebel. Those emotions used to be reserved for only Dru... She had to get out of this cursed town as quickly as she could before it poisoned her mind, as it had poisoned and infected her sweet Spike.

Spike surveyed Buffy's wounds as she leaned on him for support. Blood was flowing from her lip, her wrists, and torso; bruises spotted her visible skin, one of her eyes was swelling and turning purple... The sorry state she was in made Spike want to cry. But there was another emotion building up rapidly within him: rage.

His eyes welled with tears, his nostrils flared, and the muscles in his jaw ticced as he tried to contain the tempest howling inside of him.

Drusilla and her idiot minions had done this to his Buffy. And worst of all, Dru had gotten into Spike's mind and made him hurt Buffy too. Seeing the bite mark on her shoulder filled Spike with shame and regret, not the pride and jubilation he would have felt just a few short years ago.

Dru had given up on trying to kill Buffy... But what if a pixie whispered in Dru's ear tomorrow and told her to come back and finish the job? After all, Spike hadn't expected Dru to ever come back to Sunnydale for him. She could change her mind yet again. There was only one way to prevent anything like this from happening to Buffy again: Dusting Drusilla.

“Bring me Miss Edith,” Dru instructed Joshua. She wouldn't be leaving her faithful companion behind this time. “She’s weeping for what’s been lost... Can’t you hear her? I need to comfort the poor lass...”

Joshua nodded and dutifully retrieved Dru’s favorite doll.

Spike wasn’t letting his guard down yet, he stayed with his arm around Buffy while shooting daggers at Drusilla with his eyes. He divided his attention between looking at Buffy (he was terribly worried about her) and keeping an eye on their retreating foes. If only he could manage to stake Dru before she left...

Just as that thought formed in his mind, Spike's foot bumped into an object on the floor. He looked down and saw a sharp, stake-sized piece of wood by his foot. His eyes moved slowly from the stake to Dru as a plan started to form in his mind.

Spike whispered to Buffy, "Can you stand on your own for a minute?"

Buffy wondered why he wanted to let her go, but she gripped the chain tighter and nodded, pulling herself upright again. She was a super-strong Vampire Slayer, but after the night she'd had, it felt so good just to have Spike hold her.

Spike saw his opportunity when Drusilla and her minions turned to leave through the door. He quickly crouched down and snatched the stake from the floor. It felt like he was playing a deadly game of darts, a game he was bloody good at.

It all happened within seconds, but time seemed to standstill from his perspective. Spike saw his life with Drusilla flash before his eyes -- good times, bad times, rotten times. Part of him would always love her, but that chapter of his life was over: Dru had slammed that book shut in his face long ago. Buffy might not be his future, but Spike wanted to make sure Buffy had a future. Dusting Dru, making sure she could never come back and hurt Buffy again, would help guarantee that. He would be protecting Buffy and serving up some good ol' fashioned revenge at the same time. Spike wanted some payback for what had been done to his beautiful, proud Slayer.

Spike cocked his arm back and then flung the stake as hard as he could, grunting with the force and at a twinge of pain in his left shoulder (from getting hit by that damn crowbar).

Dru could feel Spike's rage (which was sadly now directed at her), she knew he was thinking of doing something very naughty. Dru spun around just as Spike let the stake fly from his hand -- his face was a mask of determination and anger.

Being a Master vamp had its benefits -- one of which was the ability to think quickly with a stake zipping through the air at your heart. Dru didn't have enough time to move, but she did grab the bloody minion and used him as a shield, to let him take the stake meant for her.

The minion gasped as the stake struck him in the back and pierced his heart. "Aw shi--!" he exclaimed, and then exploded into dust.

"Bollocks!" Spike shouted, punching the wall in frustration. He readied himself for battle, moving in front of Buffy and going into a fighting stance.

But Drusilla didn't run at him. She looked more shocked and sad than anything else.

“Poor Spike... so lost.” Drusilla sniffled. She cuddled Miss Edith, looking dejectedly at Spike. “You've gone too far down the rabbit hole... you've drunk the potion and shriveled up. Even I can’t help you now...”

"Don't come after her again, Dru," Spike said, his jaw set. "Never come back here. I will kill you if you do."

Joshua growled and started toward Spike, but Dru put her hand on Joshua's arm and shook her head.

"No. Leave him be. The Slayer will make him suffer far worse than anything you or I could do to him..."

"But he tried to kill you -- twice, Mistress!"

"I said, leave him be," Dru said harshly, giving Joshua a look that told him she wouldn't allow it.

Joshua huffed, but he stood down, settling for glaring at Spike.

Drusilla cast one more doleful look at Spike, and then she and Joshua turned and went through the door, leaving Spike and the Slayer to their fates.

And then, at long last, Spike and Buffy were alone in the mansion. They both let out heavy sighs and their shoulders slumped with relief for a few moments, grateful that the longest night of their lives was finally over...

Spike steeled himself. "No, I can't let them get away..." He started after Dru and her last remaining minion.

"No! Let them go, Spike," Buffy said tightly.

Spike stopped, surprised by the conviction in her voice; he hadn't expected her to say that, or with so much vehemence. He frowned, looking from Buffy to the door and back again. "But we shouldn't let..."

Buffy shook her head. "Please just let them go," she said, her voice sounding more tired and weaker, but not any less resolved.

It wasn't that Buffy didn't want Dru and Joshua to be dust in the wind, she was only worried about Spike -- if he went after them, he'd be outnumbered. Not that having the odds against him would normally be a problem for Spike, but he'd taken a lot of punishment this evening. He had to be running on fumes by now, which didn't improve his chances of surviving another fight -- and Dru, despite being a loony bitch, was still a Master vampire and still plenty dangerous.

Spike wasn't keen on letting his enemies live to fight another day, but he'd respect Buffy's wishes. He went to her. "Buffy... you alright?" It was a dumb question (considering what she'd been through), but it was one he had to ask, nonetheless.

Buffy was breathing hard and barely able to keep her legs under her. "I've never felt better..." she groaned, putting her left arm around him. “Please get this last chain off of me?”

“Right.” Spike looked on the ground and found the key. He picked it up and undid the last cuff. Buffy fell against him, flinging both arms around his neck as her knees buckled, unable to support her full weight.

“Easy, luv. I gotcha.” Spike put his arms around her, closing his eyes and stopping for a moment to give silent thanks to God (or whoever was running the show) for sparing Buffy’s life.

“Do you think they're really gone?” Buffy asked tiredly, resting in his embrace. She was still afraid to get too happy.

“They’re not comin' back.” Spike’s instincts told him Drusilla wouldn’t be back; that last look she’d given him was meant to be final. But he was certain that if she did come back, he wouldn't let her get away again.

Spike spotted the couch set against the wall (it had been moved there earlier to provide more room for dancing). He picked Buffy up in his arms as carefully as he could, and carried her to the couch.

Buffy held onto him and giggled, starting to hum ‘Up Where We Belong’.

Spike looked at her when set her down on the couch. “You sure you’re alright?” He didn’t like the crazy sounding giggle and humming (it reminded him too much of Dru); he hoped Buffy's mind hadn't snapped under the stress.

Buffy nodded and sighed, leaning back and resting against the couch. “I’m just feeling kinda... loopy.” She held her injured hand out. “Could you help me pop my fingers back into place? I don’t think they’re broken.”

Spike took her hand, examining and gingerly feeling her fingers to see if there were any breaks. “I don’t think they’re broken either. Brace yourself, it’s gonna hurt a bit.”

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. Spike put her fingers back how they were supposed to be as fast as he could. Buffy clenched her teeth and groaned. She let out the breath she’d been holding and slumped against the couch cushions when Spike finished.

Buffy looked at her bleeding arms, wrists, and messed up left hand. Then she looked at Spike, cataloguing all the injuries she could see on him. His cheek was cut, his nose and mouth were bloodied, and there was a little bit of blood peeking out at his hairline. And he just looked so tired -- Buffy could relate to that, too. She snorted and smiled slightly. “Wow, if you look beat up, I can only imagine how I must look.”

“Don’t worry about how you look." Buffy was still beautiful in his eyes. Even beaten and bleeding, she had a beauty, strength, and grace that shone through and dazzled him. "Just try to relax and rest for a few minutes, then I’ll get us out of here. My car's parked out front."

Despite her pain and weariness, Buffy couldn't keep a smile off her face as she looked at him. She was seeing Spike in a whole new light after what he'd done for her tonight. What he felt for her was more than just some weird obsession or crush, he really did love her. He loved her so much that he'd gone against the woman he'd thought was his destiny, whom he had practically worshipped at one time. He gave up another shot at a life with Drusilla for Buffy, whom he thought couldn't, and wouldn't, ever return his feelings. Spike had actually done the right thing for unselfish reasons... Miracles could happen and soulless vampires could feel love.

Buffy closed her eyes and tried to just rest and gather enough strength to get up and go home. Her body ached in a hundred different places, but none of her wounds felt life-threatening.

While Buffy was taking a few minutes to regroup, Spike tried to finally relax too. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He put his hands over his face, the emotional evening was finally taking its toll on him. Tonight had been a nonstop rollercoaster ride from Hell -- he'd been up in the stratosphere one moment, and then dropped back down into a chasm the next moment, only to go back up and start all over again -- all bloody night. He'd tried to kill Dru... his beloved Drusilla, whom he'd loved and protected for a century. But he'd do it again if he had to, to protect Buffy. It didn't matter what he had to do, he'd do it if it meant Buffy would be safer.

Spike took and then released a shuddery breath, muttering quietly, "Bloody hell..."

Buffy’s eyes opened, she frowned when she saw Spike hunched over with his hands covering his face. She knew how hard what happened must have been for him. Spike had done the right thing tonight, even when he thought he’d had nothing to gain -- in fact, he'd had more to lose by taking Buffy's side. She wouldn't change the outcome, of course, but seeing him distraught tugged at her heartstrings. She leaned forward and touched his arm. "Are you okay?"

Spike sat up and raked his fingers back through his hair, wincing a little when his hands ran over bumps on his head from the crowbar attack. "Yeah... all of it is just hittin' me. This is the first time I've been able to stop and catch my breath... well, you know what I mean. It's been a helluva bloody day... for both of us."

"Do you regret the choice you made?" Buffy hoped that wasn't the reason he looked so despondent, that he was wishing he could go back and change the course of action he'd taken.

Spike frowned and shook his head adamantly, turning to the side to face her. "No. No, don't think I'm regretting it for a second, Buffy. I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat. I only regret that any of it had to happen... at all." He sighed and looked down. "It really wasn't a choice... I couldn't let that happen to you. Seeing you like that..." He stopped and swallowed hard, trying to get his emotions under control. "I couldn't stand seeing you like that, and knowing what she intended to do to you..."

He looked back up and they smiled softly at each other, then Spike sniffed and looked away. "We, uh, need to get your wrists and hand wrapped up."

Buffy looked around them for something they could use as bandages.

Spike stood up and shrugged out of his coat. Then he surprised Buffy by ripping his black t-shirt down the front and taking it off.

"What did you do that for?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Bruises dotted his torso and shoulders, and he had a bleeding slash across his stomach, but Buffy couldn't help admiring what fine shape Spike was in. Very, very fine. Even beaten and bloodied, he was beautiful.

Buffy observed that her warmer and naughtier thoughts about Spike were no longer being censored by or buried in her mind, the thoughts were flowing freely. And it felt wonderful not to be deluding herself anymore. They had been through a lot together in just the last hour; she'd seen a side of Spike that she hadn't seen before, or hadn't allowed herself to see before. There was still a lot of confusion regarding how she felt about him, but she felt so much closer to Spike. Not only that, but she thought she'd like to get even closer to him in the future -- and now it was okay for her to feel that way.

Spike sat back down and ripped a strip of material from his t-shirt. "I need to make some bandages, and I don't see anything else 'round here I can rip up."

"Ah, okay. I thought you just wanted an excuse to rip off your shirt to show off your fabulous bod," Buffy said with a teasing smile.

Spike smiled and looked down at his bruised and cut torso. "Yeah, I'm especially proud of the fabulous new gash on my stomach."

Buffy touched his abdomen, right above the wound. "Is it bad?"

"It ain't good," he joked, but then shook his head. "Nah, it's not too deep. 'Tis but a scratch. Give me your dainty paw and I'll wrap up your fingers -- keepin' them immobile will help them heal up faster."

Buffy held out her hand and let Spike wrap the makeshift bandage around it. She grimaced at the pain in her hand, but it was over quickly. There was a lot of numbness from her shoulders down to her fingers, but she could still feel well enough for some pain to get through, and now that her circulation was returning, her fingers were starting to throb -- and not in a good way.

Spike tore his t-shirt into more strips, and then started wrapping her wrists. "This'll have to do 'til we have access to a proper medkit. You need to go to the hospital?"

Buffy shook her head. "I don't think there's any major damage. I hate hospitals..." She'd hated hospitals since she was little, but she hated them even more since her mother's health problems started.

"No one likes hospitals, but if you need to go, I'm takin' you. Don't be so bloody stubborn."

She shook her head again. "I know my body, and I don't need a doctor. There's nothing wrong with me that I can't take care of myself, or that you can't help me with. Trust me, I know I can't afford to be stubborn, I have too many people who depend on me... My nifty Slayer healing abilities should have me feeling better in a day or two."

"Alright... but if your mum asks, I offered to take you to see a doc."

Buffy smiled. "Okay, I'll be sure to let my mom know you wanted to take me to the hospital." She thought it was sweet that Spike obviously cared what her mother thought of him. It made Buffy feel like giggling to think that the Big Bad was afraid of what retiring, demure Joyce Summers might do or say to him. He really did care about her family, and that meant the world to Buffy.

Spike let the issue drop, trusting that Buffy would tell him if she felt there was something seriously wrong with her that required a doctor's attention. He finished wrapping her wrists, and then used scraps of his t-shirt to wipe at the places he was bleeding.

Buffy laid back against the end of the couch so she could rest and look at him at the same time. "I didn't see all of it, but I must say that your fighting was very impressive."

Spike smiled bashfully as he wiped blood from his stomach. Her praise meant a lot to him. "Yeah?"

"Uh-huh. And weren't you impressed with the way I hung by one arm and spazz-kicked at Dru?"

He chuckled. "Matter of fact, I was impressed by that."

"You must be easily impressed..."

"Not at all. That you had any juice left to even spazz-kick at anyone was incredibly impressive."

"Wish I could've done more, you had to fight them all by yourself..." Buffy sighed.

"You did what you could, luv."

"Yeah, but I really wanted to whoop their evil asses."

Spike smirked. "I almost feel sorry for the next vamps who cross you -- they're in for a major ass-kicking." His smirk disappeared when his eyes set on the bite marks on her shoulder; he looked away guiltily. "You feel up to leaving yet?"

"Just a few more minutes," Buffy replied, gently rubbing her arms and hands, trying to get more feeling back into them.

"Your arms hurt a lot?"

"Yeah, my muscles are stiff from being chained up all that time. I'm all pins and needle-y. I think the cuts are already healing a little, though -- yay."

Spike leaned forward, looking at the cuts on her left arm. "Yeah, they're lookin' better. Get some rest, and some food in ya, and..." He trailed off when his eyes moved up to her shoulder and he saw the bite mark again -- his eyes seemed to be magnetized to the damn thing. He sat back and looked away from her.

Buffy wondered why he'd suddenly gone silent and looked mopey. "Spike?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy..." he said quietly.

"For what?"

"For... everything. I'm sorry any of this had to happen to you because of me... Dru hurt you because of me. She blamed you for everything."

"I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for you, Spike. I owe you, big-time."

Even with Buffy's words of gratitude, Spike continued to list things he was sorry for. "I'm sorry I've been a thorn in your side since day one. I'm sorry for all the times I've tried to hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't get you out of those bloody chains the moment I walked in here. I'm sorry that I..."

"You didn't tell Dru to chain me up and try to kill me, did you?"

Spike's brows knit. "'Course not."

"Well, it's not your fault then. So, shut up." Buffy smiled. "The only one responsible for what happened to me is Drusilla."

Spike smiled slightly, but still found it hard to look her in the eye. She was being very charitable and forgiving, but he didn't think he deserved her kindness.

"Why do you still look like you're feeling guilty?" Buffy asked.

"'Cos of what I did to you..." He closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. "I hit you, I said nasty things to you... I bit you... I could've killed you."

"But you didn't kill me. Yeah, you punched and... bit me, but it wasn't your fault -- Dru freaked your mind. She had to have her helper monkeys hold you down while she forced thoughts into your mind. You wouldn't have hurt me if she didn't put you in a trance."

He snorted a laugh at the 'helper monkeys' thing, but then went back to looking sad. “How can you stand to even look at me?” Spike asked, hanging his head.

Buffy sighed. "Have you been listening to me? I don't blame you for anything, Spike. You shouldn't feel guilty." Buffy silently wondered when it was that Spike had developed a conscience and the ability to feel guilty… was it when he fell in love with her or had he been this way all along and she just never took the time to notice? Wasn't having a conscience part of what it meant to have a soul? How was it possible...?

Spike glanced at her. "I thought you'd want to dust me for biting you -- and I wouldn't blame you one bit. I know how... horrible it must've been for you."

"It was scary and it hurt, but..." Buffy was going to say how it had started feeling good, but she stopped herself from admitting that -- it still wigged her that she'd been getting aroused from the biting. "But I don't blame you for it, so you shouldn't blame yourself, either."

"I'm sure your chums will be much less understanding 'bout it. Rupert and Xander will be after me with pointy pieces of wood when they find out I bit you. It won't matter to them what my state-of-mind was at the time."

"Well... they don't have to know it was you that bit me. I can tell them it was Dru."

Spike looked at her, surprised. "You'd lie to them... to protect me?"

"Yes... I would." Buffy didn't want anything bad happening to Spike, especially not at the hands of her (sometimes) trigger-happy friends. They might see the bite marks and decide that Spike needed to pay for it. "You're right, they might not understand... What they don't know can't hurt you, so it can be our little secret."

Spike smiled, touched that she would do that for him. "That's very... Thanks. I know how important your mates are to you. It can't be easy for you to plan on lying to them."

"I'd like to count you among my friends after what you did for me tonight. You came through for me, Spike. I won't forget it."

He had to stop to swallow a lump of emotion in his throat. "I'd... I'd like that too." Buffy accepting him as her friend was more than he’d ever hoped he’d have with her – he was just sorry for everything that she’d been through to get her to that point.

After a few moments of silence, Buffy said, her voice soft and kind, "Can I ask you something?"

Spike didn't like the sounds of that... He was dreading when she'd want to talk about his love for her (and her lack of love for him). "You're supposed to be restin' -- you could do that more effectively without carryin' on a conversation with me. We can talk about whatever you want later. For now, just rest."

But, of course, Buffy would not be so easily deterred. "I can talk and rest at the same time. Matter of fact, I find talking very relaxing. I've got all these thoughts jumbled up in my brain, and it'll make me feel better to un-jumble some of them."

Spike sighed, resigning himself to the fact that they were going to have 'the talk' whether he wanted to or not. "Alright... what's on your mind, then?" he asked (as if he didn't know).

"So... the chip didn't give you a shock when you...?"

"No... I didn't feel a thing," Spike said uneasily, he quickly added, "I know my word doesn't mean much, but I give you my word that I won't start snacking on the populace. I turned my back on my old way of life for good tonight... 'Sides, the mojo Dru worked to disable the chip probably wore off by now, anyway."

Part of Buffy (her stubborn side) was still telling her not to put too much trust in Spike so quickly. But her gut was telling her that she could trust him -- and she was choosing to listen to her gut. "Okay, I'll trust you at your word. And you're most likely right about the 'mojo' wearing off. You were able to shake off the thrall she put you in, so... the chip thing was probably temporary too."

There was something else she had to ask. "You didn't... go hunting with Dru before you came here, did you?"

"No, I promise you, I didn't hurt anyone." Spike shook his head, relieved that he hadn't had a chance to take a life. It's very possible that he would have if Dru had taken him to the Bronze as she'd originally planned. He might have been able to talk himself into it. "We came straight here from the crypt."

"Would you have killed someone if you didn't come straight here?" Buffy knew she probably shouldn't have even asked, she should've just let that question go unanswered, but that was one of the many questions weighing on her mind.

Spike took and let out a slow breath. "I... might have." He looked at her, seeing what he assumed was disappointment in her eyes. "I thought Dru was my savior for the second time, I wanted my world to make sense again. I felt so bloody lost and hopeless before she showed up at the crypt... and I thought her comin' back was a sign telling me who I really am -- a monster. I thought I wouldn't have to be confused about who I am anymore. And then she said she wanted me again, that she would love me and make me feel strong, like I used to be...

"But when it came down to it, I was... hesitant to feed on a human again. Got angry with myself for being reluctant -- I'm a bloody vampire, I'm not supposed to have a problem with killing. But I still couldn't shake the feeling that it was wrong. I had to try psyching myself up to do it. Even as I was trying to do that, I kept seeing your face... I didn't want to kill again partly 'cos I knew you'd be... disappointed -- and I know that's puttin' how you'd feel mildly. You believe me, don't you, Buffy? You believe I didn't kill anyone while I had the chance?"

Buffy nodded, smiling a little. She was relieved he hadn't gone hunting tonight, it would be harder to overlook that and be 'friends' with him. "I believe you, Spike. You showed me something tonight -- there's a lot more to you than I ever thought possible. I'd like to have a friend like you in my corner." The old Buffy with her old attitude (from just a few hours ago) would never believe that Spike hadn't fed on a human if he thought he could do it without pain from the chip. But she really did believe him now. His eyes spoke volumes, she could see he was telling the truth.

Spike was amazed by how nice Buffy was being to him, he didn't know she was capable of this kind of compassion and understanding and trust (directed at him). He still didn't think he deserved her being so nice, but hearing her say she trusted him and wanted to be friends made him feel like he could walk on air. Trust was the foundation of any sort of relationship. Be they just friends, slay-buddies, or lovers -- all of those had to start out with mutual trust.

Buffy closed her eyes and rested for a few minutes -- which gave Spike hope that that would be the end of the conversation for now. His relief, however, was short-lived.

Buffy opened her eyes again, and asked, "How do you really feel about me?"

Spike looked at her for a moment, and then back down at his hands. "You know how I feel..." he said timidly.

"I heard other people say you loved me, and I heard you tell Drusilla you loved me, but you didn't say it to me." For some reason, it was suddenly important to her to hear him say the words. Spike being in love with her wasn't a scary concept anymore.

"Why do you want me to say it?" Spike asked, his voice strained.

"Because... I think we need to talk to each other, not through or to other people." Buffy sat up and moved a little closer to him, giving him her full attention. "Tell me how you feel, Spike."

She thought he was going to choose not to answer her question at first, he didn't look at her or say anything for close to a minute. But then Spike turned to her and looked her in the eyes, he lightly set his hand over her uninjured one.

"You really want to know how I feel?" he asked unnecessarily. "'Cos there's no goin' back once I say it."

Buffy nodded, seeing an affection and passion in his eyes that made it impossible to speak at the moment.

"I love you, Buffy," Spike said, his voice deep, slightly rough, and filled with emotion. "You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you..."

They gazed at each other, an amazed little smile turned up at the corners of Buffy's mouth. She was feeling distinctly swoony again. No man had ever said anything like that to her before, and it made her feel so... But then she remembered: someone had said those very same words to her tonight -- the imaginary Spike had said it when Dru had been screwing with Buffy's head.

Buffy's expression went from touched to horror-stricken. "Oh my God..." She pulled her hand out from under his and scooted back away from him against the end of the couch.

Spike looked behind him, thinking that she must have seen a minion (who'd lagged behind the others) sneaking up behind him, but there was no one else in the room. "What?" He looked back to Buffy, confused.

Buffy covered her eyes with her hands. "Oh God, no... You did not just say that to me! This isn't happening!"

Spike, of course, thought the worst and believed she was reacting negatively to his heartfelt words. He clenched his jaw, feeling his spirits sinking to an all-time low. He knew Buffy wouldn't welcome his feelings for her, but seeing her look so disturbed about it broke his heart -- how many times could his heart shatter before it was beyond repair?

He knew how that poor little baldheaded sod Charlie Brown felt when Lucy snatched the football away from him at the last second. Buffy had goaded him into spilling his guts to her, knowing how he felt already, and then she acted like this... How could she be so cruel? Maybe she wanted to get the message across that his feelings would never be returned. Or maybe she just didn't have the energy left to be tactful. Were her words earlier lies -- that they could be friends? That she trusted him? Was she just leading him down the primrose path in order to pull the rug out from under his feet, put him back in his place, at the last moment -- just like Lucy did to Charlie Brown with the sodding football?

Spike thought he'd be emotionally numb by now after the night's events, but Buffy rejecting him and his feelings this way made white-hot pain explode inside of him. It took an effort not to wilt and crumble to the floor -- but he would not let her see how much she'd hurt him.

Spike stood up, eager to put an end to this maddening, and ultimately severely depressing, evening. "Come on, Slayer, I'll take you home. Just... Just forget I said a bloody word."

Buffy uncovered her eyes. "Spike, you don't understand... I mean, this isn't happening -- it isn't real."

He looked at her and cocked an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"It isn't real, it's just another illusion! Drusilla did the same thing to me before..." Buffy's eyes darted around the room as paranoia gripped her. "I'm still in the first hallucination... it never ended! I'm going to snap out of it and be chained up again... I knew it was too good to be true!" her voice shook and she felt tears threaten to spill from her eyes. She didn't know if her mind could take it if this was just another one of Dru's tricks.

Spike could see how scared she was, and he felt more guilt for jumping to the wrong conclusion. He wished he could just wrap his arms around her and take away all of her fear and pain. He sat back down with her and touched her knee. "Hey, Buffy, look at me." He gave her knee a small squeeze until her big, green eyes focused back on him. "Buffy, this is happening -- Dru and her minions are gone. It's gonna be alright now, pet. I promise."

She shook her head and said sadly, "No, it can't be real."

"Why not? What makes you so sure?"

"B-because... you said the same exact thing to me -- the thing about how you think about me all the time, how you're... drowning in me. Only it wasn't really you... Dru tricked me into thinking you came to rescue me. What are the odds you'd say the exact same words in an illusion and in the real world? I... I don't think I can do it again, Spike... I can't be chained up again. I don't..." She trailed off, shaking her head as a tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek.

She sounded more like a scared little girl to him right now than the Chosen One. Spike took her uninjured right hand in his, gently grasping her hand and then caressing it. He silently cursed Drusilla's exceptional mind-fucking skills again. "You feel that? You feel my hand? You feel me touching you? This is real."

Buffy looked down at their joined hands, and then back up into his eyes. "Other stuff felt real too, but it wasn't..."

"Dru senses and knows things she shouldn't through her gift, yeah?"

"Yeah..."

"So, I'm thinking that she must have plucked those words from my brain. God knows, sentiments like that have been runnin' rampant through my mind, especially as of late. Drusilla knew I'd said, or would be saying, those words to you, and she incorporated that into the illusion to make it seem more real."

Buffy sighed, still looking dubious. "I wish I could be sure... I hope 'Up Where We Belong' doesn't start playing out of nowhere and you aren't suddenly wearing a Navy dress uniform..."

Spike raised his brows. "You an' me both. Sounds like quite an illusion Dru put in your head..."

Buffy nodded.

He tried to think of other ways for her to discern one of Drusilla's convincing illusions from reality. "Anything else that might've stood out as odd in the hallucination?"

"Well... you were kind of... glowing."

"I was glowin'?"

"Not a big glow -- not like you were exposed to radiation -- but a soft glow, like they always gave Barbara Walters on her Oscar specials."

"Am I glowin' now?" Spike asked, glancing down at his body while holding his arms out to the sides.

She looked him over. "No..."

"Well, there ya go -- there's one for the 'Not An Illusion' column. Was there anything else that was unusual in hindsight?"

"I didn't feel pain. I was sure my lip was split but when you kissed me, I didn't..." Buffy's eyes widened for a second, she hadn't meant to reveal just how smitten she'd been with him in the illusion.

Spike blinked and stared at her for a moment. "I... kissed you? And you let me?" He thought, 'Bloody hell, I actually envy my hallucination-self...'

Buffy blushed a little. "Yeah, um... I was grateful to you for helping me, so we kissed."

Spike smiled, pleased (and a bit hopeful) that Buffy seemed to see him as a dashing, heroic figure in the vision she'd had. And she'd given him a kiss -- yes, it was while in the midst of one of Dru's illusions, but it still gave him hope. "I was your dashing hero in your illusion, eh? White horse an' all?"

"No... there was no horse, but yeah, you were." She smiled a little, remembering, vividly, how handsome he'd looked, and how swoony he'd made her feel. "But that was just some weird fantasy that Dru put in my head."

Spike's smile faded, he looked down and nodded. He knew she didn't see him as her hero when she was in her right mind.

Buffy put her hand gently on his arm, making Spike look back up at her. "But what the real you did was even better. Well... if it is the real you..."

Spike grinned, looking happier (and more adorable) than Buffy could remember ever seeing him look. Then he looked back down at her hand on his arm, he was feeling strangely (for him) shy and humble. He should be enjoying this, acting cocky. "I... just did what I thought was right, y'know? It looks like what I thought was right, and what was actually right meshed up for once. Bloody miracle, it is."

He got an idea, and spoke before he thought it through. "To help prove to you this isn't another illusion, you think we should kiss...?" Then he shook his head, wanting to smack himself for even daring to suggest it. He might spoil everything because he couldn't control his need for her. "Never mind."

"Yeah... I think I should kiss you -- just to see if it hurts."

Spike leaned in, preparing to press his lips gently to hers. Buffy quickly pressed her lips hard against his, and pulled back when pain bloomed in her lip.

"Oww," Buffy groaned, touching her lip.

Spike blinked. It had been over so fast... he'd wanted to go slow and savor what was probably the only time he'd be allowed to kiss her. "It... uh, hurt, then?"

"Yeah, it did. So... I guess all this is real." Buffy breathed a sigh of relief, finally letting herself believe the nightmare was really over.

Spike rubbed his lower lip. "When you said a 'kiss', I imagined something a little... slower and more... thorough. That's really how I kissed you in the hallucination? My hallucination-self has a lot to learn about how to kiss a lady properly."

"Well... no, the illusion kiss was... much slower and nicer. But I needed to kiss you hard to see if it hurt my lip. Sorry. Maybe... I can give you a good kiss -- after my lip heals up. You know, to thank you for saving my ass..."

Spike smiled, he'd take a gratitude kiss from her any day. "That'd be... great. If you still want to... kiss me after your lip's healed."

"I'm pretty sure I will." Buffy looked away shyly.

Spike sniffed and clapped his hands on top of his thighs. "Well, can we get the hell outta here now? I really hate this place."

Buffy chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I think I'll be okay walking now."

Spike stood up and then helped her to stand. "We only have to walk out to the car, and then it's a smooth, comfortable ride to Revello."

"Sounds good." Buffy looked down at herself. "Oh... I can't go outside in my bra..."

Spike picked up his coat from the couch, then put it over her shoulders. "There."

She smiled at him and pulled the coat closed around her. "Look at you, bein' all chivalrous. Thanks."

"Think nothin' of it, luv," Spike said. "Can't have you catchin' a cold."

"But I'm still bloody... you don't want to get it on your coat." She pouted, clearly intending to put it on, but feeling like she should give him a chance to take it back.

"I'm a vampire, I don't mind havin' blood on my clothes." Spike smirked.

Buffy carefully put her arms through the sleeves and pulled on the coat with Spike's help. The cuts on her arms and back were stinging like crazy, but it felt good to be covered up again.

"Wait, your shirt's all ripped up, and I'm wearing your coat -- you're just going to run around all... shirtless?" She would make him run around shirtless all the time if she had a choice in the matter.

"Better me than you, yeah? And it's not like I can catch a cold. C'mon now, your mum and Dawn are probably worryin' themselves sick."

"Oh... Spike, I can't let them see me like this," Buffy said grimly. "I'm a total bloody, gross mess!"

Spike sighed. "Well, what do you suggest? I've gotta get you home, Buffy."

"Could we... go to your crypt first? You've got stuff like bandages and a place I can wash away some of the blood, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, if that's what you want to do... But you look completely knackered, luv, you need to get home and into bed and sleep before you fall over."

"I will, but I have to make myself look a little less like an extra from 'Night of the Living Dead' first."

Spike smirked a little. "You're the prettiest zombie I've ever seen, if that's any consolation."

"It ain't," Buffy said, rolling her eyes and smirking a little too.

---

Buffy had an arm around Spike (for support, of course) as they exited the mansion. Spike also thought it would be a good idea to take some weapons with them. He took a machete, and Buffy took a stake (a stake was kind of like a weapon version of comfort food for her, she just felt better having one at the ready).

Buffy looked nervously at their surroundings as Spike guided her toward the driveway, she couldn't help but feel paranoid that something else would happen before they could get away.

Spike stopped walking abruptly, Buffy took a step without him before realizing that he'd stopped.

"Spike? What's..."

He looked shocked, which then turned into an enraged look, as he stared at something over her shoulder.

"Fucking hell!" Spike shouted and ran past Buffy to the driveway. "What'd they do to my bloody car!?"

Buffy turned and noticed that the DeSoto parked in the driveway had been vandalized. She went as quickly as she could to where Spike was standing at the side of the car. He growled and gestured wildly with his hands as he took in the damage to his car, too angry to form actual words.

Dru and Joshua, or her other minions, had smashed up the poor DeSoto as a parting gift. The windshield and other windows had been smashed, and the tires were flat. The inside of the car had been torn up, too: the driver's side door was open, revealing the ripped out steering column and slashed seats.

"Son of a bitch!" Spike bellowed and pounded his fist on the roof. He curled his hands into claws and held them out as if he were strangling someone. "If one of those bastards was here, I'd..."

Buffy patted him on the back. "Sorry about your car... but it's not like you paid for it, right?" She thought that might cheer him up, but it didn't.

"Possession is 9/10’s of the soddin' law -- it was my bloody car!" Spike insisted heatedly.

Spike took several deep breaths to try and calm down, he didn't want to stress Buffy out by acting like a lunatic. "How the bloody hell did they do all this without makin' enough noise to wake the dead?"

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know... The walls of the mansion are pretty thick, I guess it muffled the noise and we couldn't hear it."

"I loved this car..." Spike groaned, affectionately petting the hood. "Been through a lot together, we have."

"Maybe it can be fixed?"

"Maybe... but it's not goin' anywhere tonight." Spike looked at Buffy apologetically. "I'm sorry to say it, but it looks like we're walkin'..." He wasn't angry only because his beloved DeSoto was destroyed, he was also pissed off because he had no way of getting the wounded Buffy home as quickly and safely as possible.

"Yeah... I came to the same conclusion. Can't say the prospect of walking fills me with joy, but we don't have much of a choice."

Buffy didn't feel up to walking all the way to Spike's crypt, she was weak and needed to rest. Plus, taking a walk in Sunnydale in the wee hours was practically guaranteed to result in a run-in with a bloodthirsty demon of some kind -- especially with all the blood that covered both of them: it would be like chumming for sharks in a shark tank. Though she could fight if she absolutely had to, she didn’t want to have to fight anyone or anything in her current condition. She was tired, beat up, bloody, and hurting. And Spike had had a rough night, too. They both needed some time to recuperate before they got into another brawl with anyone or anything.

She looked back at the mansion. "Maybe... we should just stay here for a while," Buffy said, obviously not loving that idea either.

“We can take the sewers," Spike suggested, nodding toward a sewer access point. “I ain’t stayin’ in that fucking mansion one second longer than I have to. As if I didn’t already have enough bad memories of this place, a whole shitload more got added tonight.”

Buffy nodded and sighed. “Yeah, I’ve had my share of shitty memories of that place too...”

They started toward the sewers.

“Sure you don’t want to go home straightaway?” Spike needed to ask that question one more time. “Your house is closer.”

“No, I can’t let my mom see me like this.”

"Oh," Spike put a hand to his forehead, "I forgot 'til just now: your friends came by the crypt earlier lookin' for you."

"They did? When?"

"I... don't know how long ago, at least a couple hours. They said your mum and Dawn were worried about you. So maybe it'd be best to take you home with no stopover at the crypt."

"Uh-uh," Buffy said, shaking her head. Her mind was made up.

Spike groaned, "Bloody hell, woman... Then how about stoppin' at a callbox and ringing home so she at least knows you're alive?"

"I like that idea better. But there aren't a lot of payphones in the sewers."

"I think there's a phone not far from here. I've got some change in my coat pocket, should be enough to make a call. We'll do that, and then head into the sewers."

Buffy sighed. She wasn't happy having to add more walking time to their journey, but Spike was right, she had to let her mom know she was alright. "Okay, let's get this over with..."

Spike and Buffy stuck to the shadows on the way to the payphone. They were concerned that someone might call the cops if they were seen. Spike was bloody, shirtless, and carrying a machete, and Buffy was disheveled and bloody -- they were a scary-looking couple, even for Sunnydale.

When they made it to the phone, Buffy called home and told her harried mother that she was okay. Joyce and Dawn were so relieved to hear from her. Buffy didn't go into detail about what happened to her, but she did say that she'd been taken captive for several hours and she'd been hurt, though not seriously. She told them it was Drusilla who had come after her, and that it was Spike who had saved her life. Dawn was very pleased by that news too, she'd been right about Spike all along. Some excessive gloating would be in order later.

Joyce told Buffy that Giles, Anya, and Xander were still out looking for her, but they would probably be back soon. Joyce was puzzled when Buffy said she wouldn't be home for a little while longer. Buffy only said that there was something she had to take care of before coming home.

And then, having reassured her family that she was still among the living, Buffy and Spike went into the sewers.

---

Spike and Buffy each had an arm around the other to help her walk. But she was getting too tired. She had to stop and rest a few times before Spike just picked her up and carried her in his arms.

Spike pointed out a tunnel that led right to Revello Drive, should Buffy ever find herself wandering in the sewers and need to find a quick route to her house. There was a big, red peace sign spray painted on the wall, which made it easier to find.

Buffy had protested being carried at first, but she was too weary to put up more than a feeble protest. After the horrible night she'd had, being held in his strong arms made her feel safe and more relaxed. Buffy thought some of that might go back to her childhood, when her daddy would gather her up in his arms when she was scared. That had always made everything better. And now, Spike was the one making her feel safe -- crazy, but true. She prayed that Spike wouldn't disappoint or betray her now that she'd decided to trust him, it would break her heart if Spike hurt her now.

Buffy tried to dwell on pleasant thoughts and settled against Spike's body, falling asleep within minutes.

Spike's mind was going a mile a minute as he walked through the tunnels carrying his precious cargo. The events of the evening replayed in his head, over and over again. But concentrating on what needed to be done once they got to his place helped to slow his thoughts down. He thought out what he would do: get the first aid supplies, make Buffy as comfortable as possible, fix them both a stiff drink, and then clean and dress her injuries.

Things were looking up for him; Spike didn't know if Buffy would seriously be interested in a romantic relationship with him, but it seemed that he'd at the very least get some of that consideration and respect he'd longed for. It was scary to be embarking on this new phase of his life -- there truly was no going back now -- but it felt good, too. He'd prove to everyone that he was capable of changing for the better.

---

It took about fifteen minutes of walking before Spike emerged into the lower level of his crypt. A few torches were still burning, giving off enough light for them to see.

As Spike carried Buffy over to his bed, he cast a nervous glance at the area of the room where his shrine was set up. He hadn't even thought about it until now, he'd been preoccupied with more pressing matters. That area of the room was still cloaked in darkness (and the shrine itself was covered with a sheet), so there was little chance of Buffy thinking there was anything to see over there... at least he hoped she wouldn't see it. Spike knew that if she did discover it, she wouldn’t want anything to do with him ever again.

Spike now felt ashamed of himself for stealing the photographs and her personal property, but he'd just felt so frustrated and helpless at the time. He planned on taking all the pictures and mementos down after tonight. The things that belonged to her would be clandestinely put back where he'd found them, hopefully Buffy would just think she'd misplaced them and not suspect anything.

'She won't see it... no worries,' Spike assured himself. It wasn't as if Buffy would feel up to having the grand tour of the lower crypt, she'd just be sitting still while he bandaged her up.

Spike laid Buffy down on the bed, and then stood back, just looking at her for a few more moments. She looked like an angel -- an angel who'd floated down to Earth and had the shit beaten out of her, but an angel, nonetheless.

He hated to wake her when she was finally resting, but he had to get her cleaned up and back home. He tapped lightly on her arm. "Buffy, wake up, luv." It took a few more tries before she opened her eyes and snorted awake.

"Hunh? Are we home?" Buffy asked, going up on her elbows and looking around, sleepy-eyed.

"Close. We're at my home sweet home. You asked me to bring you to the crypt first, remember?"

"Oh... right." She sat up and rubbed her eyes, and then looked around again. Her brow creased in confusion. "This doesn't look like the crypt..."

"It's the lower level."

"I didn't know there was a lower level."

"It's secret." Spike smirked and went to get his first aid supplies. "My own personal Bat Cave."

"But there are no actual bats... right?" Buffy asked, looking anxiously up at the ceiling.

"There aren't any critters flying or scurrying about, don't worry. You kick the shit outta demons on a daily basis, and you're afraid of a little bat?" Spike teased.

"No, not afraid... exactly. I just don't like bats. They get their little feet tangled in your hair and they rain poo on you from the ceiling."

"Did you know there's a bat named Buffy?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "...You have a pet bat named 'Buffy'? Am I supposed to be flattered?"

"I don't have a pet bat," Spike chuckled. "It's the name of a kind of bat: the Buffy Flower Bat -- native to the Caribbean, if I'm rememberin' right."

"Hmm. That's weirdly ironic..."

Spike set the first aid kit down on the bed. "I need a bloody drink before we get started. You want one?" he asked as he went to the tabletop that served as a bar.

"I don't drink," Buffy said absently, checking out her surroundings. Spike had the place set up pretty nice -- nice for a cave below a crypt, anyway. There were rugs, a few chairs and other pieces of furniture, the bar, and a big bed with a fluffy peach duvet covering it. So, he did have a bed. "I'll have something without alcohol if you have it."

"I've only got water and blood," Spike told her regretfully.

"Water's fine."

Spike was going to pour himself a drink, but then changed his mind and put the glass back down. "Sod it, I'll save some time by drinkin' straight from the bottle." He proceeded to take a few healthy swallows of vodka.

"I don't know how you can drink that stuff..." Buffy commented.

He smiled and wiped his mouth with the back off his hand. "Goes down like water. Right, speakin' of water..."

Spike talked as he went further back in the cavern with a tall glass in hand, "There's a shower back here if you want to get washed up quick. Only gets cold water, though."

Buffy felt uncomfortable at the thought of being naked. It wasn't that she thought Spike would try anything funny, she just didn't want to feel that vulnerable.

Before she could reply, Spike added, "Or I could fill a basin with water and use a washcloth to get the blood off."

"Yeah, let's try the basin thing." Buffy moved to sit at the end of the bed, putting her feet on the floor. She ran her hand over the satiny duvet. "You have a bed, huh? I wondered where you... slept." He didn't need to know she'd also wondered where he and Harmony had sex.

Spike came back a minute later carrying a wash basin and a glass of water. "Yeah, was a bitch to put the bed together, but worth it to have a bit of comfort."

"I thought you just slept on a sarcophagus."

Spike handed her the glass of water. "I was content to sleep on top of a sarcophagus for a while. I don't mind roughin' it -- I prefer not havin' it too good, y'know? You start gettin' complacent if you're too comfortable, and I don't want to lose my edge. But it's nice to have a warm, soft bed to lay on."

Buffy took a few sips of the water. "Thanks."

Spike nodded and set the basin down on the floor. He retrieved his bottle of vodka, turned on the radio for some background music, and then he knelt down on the floor at Buffy's feet. "You want to take off the coat?"

"Oh, right. Guess it'd be hard to clean my wounds if they're covered up." Buffy took it off and set it on the bed next to her.

Spike helped her take the bandages off her wrists. "Looks like they're startin' to heal," he said, examining her wrists and arms. He washed the blood off of one arm and then the other. And then he started on her torso.

Buffy sucked in air when he wiped at a particularly sore cut.

He looked up at her. "Sorry, luv."

She took a breath and shook her head. "It's okay."

"Sure you don't want a stiff one?" Spike asked.

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Huh?"

He held up the bottle of vodka.

"Oh... uh, no, I'm okay." Her mind had gone to a naughty place for a second there... Buffy reconsidered having a drink after another pass of the washcloth over her sore stomach. "You know what? Yeah, give me the bottle. If I don't deserve to have a stiff one after the night I've had..."

Spike handed her the bottle. "Just take a small drink, don't chug it like I do."

"I didn't plan to chug it, but thanks for the warning." Buffy took a normal-sized drink. She swallowed with an effort, then made a face. "Eugh!"

Spike smiled and tilted his head slightly, finding her impossibly more adorable and charming. "The more you drink, the easier it goes down. But don't get shit-faced -- your mum wouldn't like it if I brought you home staggerin' around."

Buffy took a few more little drinks. "Big Bad's scared of my mom?" she teased.

"Bloody well right I am. Summers women are forces to be reckoned with." He said more seriously, "I like Joyce, she's a decent lady."

Having finished wiping away the dried blood from Buffy's skin, Spike needed to use antiseptic on the cuts. Problem was, he didn't have any. He kept meaning to get something like that (for Buffy-related emergencies), but it had slipped his mind.

"I don't have any antiseptic, but I could use booze... got plenty of that."

She shrugged. "Okay."

Spike got an extra bottle of whiskey to use just on her cuts. He poured some whiskey on the washcloth and then swabbed her stomach.

"Ow!" Buffy hissed and squirmed. "That shit burns!"

"I know, but it's all I have here. I'll be quick, luv. Just take a few more drinks of vodka while I work on ya."

Buffy took a big drink, then groaned when as he continued wiping her stomach with the washcloth. She looked down at the picture Dru had 'drawn' on her. "I'd better not get frickin' scars. I don't care how many goons Dru keeps around her at all times, I'll hunt her down like a dog."

"I think you'll heal up fine," Spike reassured her. He let out a breath as he treated Buffy's wounds. "Sorry I couldn't stake her... I wanted to make sure she wouldn't come back to try something like this again."

"Well, it wasn't for lack of trying. You tried to kill her twice -- the bitch must have nine lives. That couldn't have been easy for you... I know how much Dru meant to you."

Spike kept his eyes on his task, not looking at Buffy's face. "That's just the way it had to be... Couldn't let her hurt you any more."

"What about all that stuff she said... about me leading you to your death? Doesn't that worry you, even a little?"

Spike half-shrugged and smirked. "It's like I said, who wants to live forever."

"Spike, I'm being serious. She's nutty as a fruitcake, but her predictions usually come true. It doesn't make you think twice about being around me?"

He stopped a moment and sighed, looking up at her. "I know better than most how spot-on Dru's visions are... but my future isn't determined 'til I determine it. After all the wrong I've done in my life, I wouldn't mind going out doin' something right. I'll take my chances with you, Slayer." Spike gave her a little smile. "And there's the added bonus of confusin' the hell out of people who thought they had me pegged as a villain. I like bein' unpredictable. I'm a rebel."

Buffy smiled back at him. She liked hearing Spike talking like that and meaning it. She couldn't recall any other conversations they'd had before tonight where they'd let down their guards completely, with no bravado or posturing. Buffy had no idea Spike had changed enough to say something like that. Recalling that 'I'm drowning in you' thing he'd said made her start feeling swoony again. He was chockfull of surprises. If only they could have talked like this before... except she wouldn't have allowed it before tonight. But now she could see there was a lot more to Spike than she'd previously thought.

As Spike re-bandaged her wrists, he realized that he hadn't cleaned the area around the bite mark -- he'd subconsciously avoided that particular area. But her skin was smeared with blood there, he had to do it, no matter how badly the guilt gnawed at him.

Spike wet the washcloth and began wiping delicately around the bite. His eyes drifted to hers, then he looked away again, working in silence.

"Don't say you're sorry again," Buffy said softly. "I can tell you were getting ready to say it."

"I thought expressing regret was a good thing for people to do?"

"It is, but I already know you're sorry. And you already know that I forgive you. So it doesn't need to be said again. Okay?"

Spike smiled a little and nodded. "Yeah... okay."

He finished cleansing her shoulder, then started dabbing gently at the blood on her face, having no choice but to look her in the eye.

Neither of them said anything until he was done, but they did look into each other's eyes and wonder what might happen between them now that things had changed so dramatically. Spike saw an openness and kindness in Buffy's eyes that he'd never seen before; it gave him hope that his wildest dreams might come true, after all. In Spike's eyes, Buffy saw that warmth and affection she'd wished to see after Dru had put him under her spell back at the mansion. Buffy was feeling a bit dazed and confused by everything, but she wanted to get to know the new and improved Spike better.

Spike put the extra bandages back in the first aid kit. "Alright, I'm done tormenting you with the booze now. You can treat your cuts with some proper antiseptic when you get home. You should be good as new in a few days."

Buffy touched her sore ribs, seeing there was some bruising on her sides.

He looked at where she was touching. "Your ribs botherin' you, eh?"

"Yeah. I'm not sure if any are broken or not."

"Let me have a look." Spike slowly put his hands lightly on both sides of her ribcage, giving her a chance to tell him not to touch her. But Buffy leaned back on her elbows, letting him feel for any breaks.

Spike tried to keep his mind on the medical aspect of what he was doing, and not how happy Buffy letting him touch her like this made him feel. The fact that he was actually touching her, and she was letting him, made him almost giddy with joy. He moved his hands delicately over her ribs, checking to see if they felt broken or cracked.

"I think you just got a few bruised ribs, don't feel any breaks," Spike said after a minute, taking his hands away.
"Good." Buffy liked the way his hands had felt on her. Those same strong hands that had doled out so much punishment over the years... could be so gentle and soothing. "What about you?" she asked him.

"Hmm?"

"You're putting everything away, but you're still bloody," Buffy pointed out, looking at the gash on his stomach and then at the blood on his face. He didn't seem to be bleeding anymore, but he was still messy.

"I'll take care of it later," Spike said dismissively.

Buffy took another, longer, drink of vodka. "Uh-uh, you get taken care of now, mister. Let me clean you up like you did me."

"You don't have to do that... The fingers on your left hand don't work."

"I can take care of you one-handed," Buffy insisted, flexing her right hand.

'Do NOT say anything vulgar in response to that!' Spike commanded himself, biting his tongue. "Alright."

Buffy took the washcloth from him, dipped it in the water and then began gently wiping the blood from his face. She started at his forehead and worked her way down to his chin. "You know... you're a very handsome guy."

He smiled a bit, feeling like he had to be blushing. "Just noticin' that now, are you?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, no..." Buffy shook her head and laughed. "I mean, yes, I noticed you were good-looking, but we didn't exactly get along, so I wouldn't admit to myself that you were hot."

"Hmm, I've gone quickly from 'handsome', to 'good-looking', to 'hot'. Those are all good, though I prefer 'hot'." Buffy was complimenting him on his looks? Spike thought he had to be dreaming this. He arched an eyebrow and smirked. "You're not so bad yourself, luv."

"Uh-huh, yeah. With my face all puffy and beat up, I bet I look ravishing right now," Buffy joked.

"You look ravishing at all times; it's your cross to bear."

Buffy chuckled as she finished cleaning his face. "You're such a huge liar. But that was a nice lie, so I'll let that one slide."

"I'm not lying..." Spike said softly, raising his hand to her face and cupping her cheek. "You're always beautiful to me."

After a moment, Spike took his hand away and looked down. "Me saying things like that must make you... uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I just hate hot guys telling me I'm beautiful. Why couldn't you say nice stuff like that before instead of making catty comments all the time?"

Spike looked back up at her, cocking an eyebrow. "You know why."

Buffy sighed. "Yeah, you're right... I wouldn't have reacted very well. I wasn't the president of your fan club... in fact, they'd revoked my membership before tonight."

"And now... you're alright with me saying things like that? You know how I feel about you... how do you feel about me?" Spike asked with just a tinge of the anxiety he was feeling.

"I... I'm still sorting all that out. My head's still spinning from everything that happened tonight. But... I like you now, I know that much. I know I can count on you when I need you."

"You can always count on me, Buffy. So... friends, then?"

"Friends," Buffy agreed with a nod. "Do you think you can settle for being friends... with the way you feel about me? Won't that be like torture for you?"

Spike paused to consider the question; he'd been thinking about that subject a lot lately. "I'd rather be friends than nothing... or what's worse than nothing, to continue bein' nothing to you but a pain in the ass. I promise I won't drive you mad pressurin' you to give me more than you're capable of giving. I don't think I'll ever stop wanting you... but I'll try to respect how you feel..." He shook and hung his head. "God... I sound like a gigantic poof."

Buffy smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. "If a poof is a considerate, thoughtful person, then yes, you sound like a huge-giant poof."

"Thanks a lot," Spike said, glancing up at her and smirking slightly.

Buffy was just testing him a little -- she wanted to see how he'd react if he thought she wasn't going to give him a chance at being with her. And he passed the test. She wasn't positive what exactly it was that she wanted to have with Spike, but she knew that being 'just friends' wasn't going to be enough for either of them. Here she was, exhausted and in pain, and she still couldn't help thinking how handsome Spike was. She couldn't stop thinking of the way he'd protected her; how he'd given up his dreams of going back to his 'normal' way of life for her; she remembered the sweet, romantic things he'd said to her, and the sincerity in his eyes when he'd said those things. Buffy had the urge to just wrap herself around him and 'thank' him properly. But she wouldn't do that, of course. (Maybe in a day or two, when she was feeling better...)

"Have you thought of any of your other friends as 'hot'?" Spike asked teasingly, waggling his eyebrows.

Buffy smirked. "Well, I thought of Xander as hot a couple times. The first time I was under a spell, so that doesn't count. But the second time happened naturally. He was wearing a pair of tiny Speedos, and lookin' mighty fine."

"Ugh!" Spike screwed up his face. "Bloody hell... thanks for puttin' that image in my head. I can conjure that up if I ever need an ipecac. Now your entire ability to judge hotness has been called into question... I don't know if I'm flattered anymore."

Buffy laughed. "Sorry. But you did ask."

"Well, coulda been worse... coulda been Rupert in a Speedo."

It was Buffy's turn to make a face. "And now I have a mental ipecac, too." They shared a laugh, which felt so nice compared to how their conversations usually went. "Okay, let's get your belly skin free of blood. Stand up."

"You seem awfully... perky considering the hell you've been through tonight," Spike commented as he stood up in front of her.

Buffy shrugged and started wiping away the blood on his abdomen. "I got a second wind." She glanced up at him. "You must be really tired, you let that, 'I can take care of you one-handed' thing I said earlier go by without a lewd comment. I set you up with a perfect opportunity to say something crude, and you didn't take the bait."

Spike snorted. "Wasn't easy, let me tell ya. We're gettin' on so well... I'd hate to ruin it by bein' my normal boorish self."

Buffy shook her head. "You won't ruin it, Spike. You're my friend now, and I have a lot of patience with my friends; of course, I make them earn it by constantly testing theirs."

They smiled at each other and then she got back to work. His groin was right there, so she couldn't help letting her eyes stray down from his stomach. The part of her that had always secretly lusted after Spike was getting stronger by the minute, it seemed. If she looked long and hard enough, she could make out the outline of his...

Buffy cleared her throat, forcing her eyes away from his crotch.

Spike was trying not to focus on how Buffy touching him was making him feel. "I'm still tryin' to sort out everything that happened tonight... Correct me if I'm wrong, but you said that Dawn told you how I feel about you?"

"Um... yeah, I think I did say that."

Spike rolled his eyes, smiling ruefully. "The girl doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut... She'd best not plan on a career as a spy, wouldn't take much for the enemy to get her to spill state secrets."

"It only came up because I accused her of having a crush on you, and she was like, 'Oh, as if he'd notice me with you around'. Don't be mad at her for telling me, okay?" That would be all she needed: Spike pissed off at Dawn, and Dawn pissed off at Buffy for telling him what she'd told her. "You're... important to Dawn, she'd be really upset if you were mad at her."

Spike frowned and shook his head. "I'm not mad at her; it's hard to stay cross with the Nibblet. I just... pictured you finding out differently... if you ever found out."

He knew Dawn had a crush on him, he'd seen that starry-eyed look in a girl's eyes enough times over the years to recognize it. He found it flattering and sweet, and it was nice to know he could still turn a girl's head. Nothing could happen between them, of course. Besides the fact that he was in love with Buffy, Dawn was just too young for him and he didn't think of her that way. She was more like his little sister in his eyes, but he knew better than to tell Dawn that. There were few things worse than someone you fancied telling you they thought of you as a sibling.

"You're... not attracted to Dawn at all, are you? 'Cause I'm sorry, but I would have to kick your ass." It would be very, very bad for many reasons if Spike liked Dawn that way.

"Are you serious? Please, Buffy," Spike groaned. "I'm fond of the girl, but that's as far as it goes." He glanced at her. "Dawn still has some growin' up to do, and I'm attracted to fully-baked women."

Buffy took another drink, and then put the empty bottle on the floor next to the bed. "You were right, the booze is going down a lot easier now."

"Is it helpin' you feel any better?"

"I'm still tired and achy, but I do feel better than I did an hour ago." There was another thing Buffy wanted to talk about -- she'd expected Spike to mention it, but he hadn't. "Do you remember that..." she paused to clear her throat, "that sleazy stuff I said to you back at the mansion?"

Spike swallowed and nodded, looking away from her. Oh yes, he remembered that very well.

"I felt like such a slut... but I had to say those things. I'll definitely be leaving that part out when I

Everything was great for about a minute. Buffy and Spike were getting lost in each other's touch.

And then, suddenly, Spike grunted and lurched against Buffy, knocking her down onto the bed and dropping on top of her.

Pain flared in Buffy's body, making her let out a yelp. She felt fresh blood begin running from her lip. "Oww, Spike!" She pushed at his shoulder, trying to make him get off of her. She didn't know whether he was trying to be funny (by being the opposite of 'gentle'), or if he was getting overwhelmed with lust and being rougher than he'd intended. "That hurt, dammit! Get off!"

Spike pushed himself up and off of her, his arms shaking as he tried to support himself. Buffy's anger turned to concern when she saw the shocked and pained look on his face.

"Spike? What's wrong?"

He didn't answer her as he tried standing up and turning around, and then promptly fell on his face on the floor next to the bed.

Buffy's eyes rounded and she gasped when she saw an arrow sticking out of his back. "Spike! Oh my God!" Had Drusilla changed her mind and come back to kill them? Buffy looked around to see who had shot him.

Harmony was standing near the sewer entrance, looking smug and holding a crossbow.

Spike looked up from the floor at his attacker and groaned. "Oh, great..." He didn't know how much fight he had left in him after what he'd already gone through tonight, but he would be damned (again) if he let an idiot like Harmony be the one to finally dust William the Bloody.

"You thought you could get rid of me that easy?" Harmony asked bitterly. "You think you can just order me to go away and I'll obey you? Well, think again, buddy!"

Buffy's ribs and lip were screaming with renewed pain from Spike falling on top of her. She sat up, holding her side and wondering if she'd be able to actually fight Harmony... she wasn't so sure. For the Slayer to be defeated by a vamp as young and stupid as Harmony would be so embarrassing...

Harmony glanced at Buffy, and then did a double-take. She'd assumed it was Drusilla who Spike was slobbering all over. Her mouth dropped open in surprise, and then her face scrunched up with disgust. "Ewww, Spike! I thought you were with Dorkzilla -- you're with the Slayer now?! How many skanks are you cheating on me with, you asshole?!"

Spike started crawling toward Harm, growling. "You stupid bint, I'm gonna kill you!"

"It was bad enough when you dumped me and threw me out for Droodzilla, but this...! I knew you had a thing for the Slayer, but... Eugh! You Slayer-loving freak!"

"I'm warnin' you..." Spike grumbled angrily as he continued crawling toward her, "everything that's happened tonight -- up to, and including, you shooting me with a fucking crossbow -- has made me less than my normally tolerant and easygoing self. Get out now... while you still can."

"I wish I was a better shot and that arrow had gone right through your stupid heart! I'm your actual girlfriend and you cheated on me with those hoes! I gave you the best... bunch of months of my life!" Harmony closed the distance between herself and Spike and slammed the crossbow down on his head.

Spike dropped back down to the ground, seeing stars. He had a new head wound to add to his collection.

"Get away from him!" Buffy shouted. She groaned in pain as she ineffectively tried to stand up. She grit her teeth and fell back down onto her butt, bouncing on the bed.

"Shut up, you boyfriend-stealing slut, or you're next!" Harm spat. Then she took a good look at Buffy's appearance, which made her grin and giggle. "Well, at least it looks like Morticia beat the shit out of you. Good for her! Too bad you two skanks didn't kill each other."

Spike shook his head to try and clear it, and looked up at Harmony.

She looked down at him with a hardened, resentful expression. "I thought I could change you, Spike. I thought maybe if I gave and I gave and gave, maybe you'd come around. Maybe be a little nicer. Stop treating me like your dog." Harm began reloading the crossbow. "But now I see it's you. You're the dog who needs to be put d--"

Spike, mustering up all the strength he had left, jumped to his feet and ran at Harmony. He grabbed the crossbow and punched her in the face, then threw the crossbow across the room.

Harmony kicked him in the stomach, making sure to strike the gash that Buffy had just wiped clean earlier. Spike "ooph"ed, doubled over, and staggered back a few steps. He clutched at his stomach, feeling blood seep between his fingers.

"Does she know all about the sick crush you have on her? Did you show the Slayer that stuff you have over there?" Harmony asked with a vicious smile, pointing toward the shrine. "Yeah, that's right: I snooped while you were out once, and I saw all that disgusting stuff. It made me want to puke!"

Spike straightened up quickly, his pain and weariness temporarily forgotten. He looked at her with a combination of panic and desperation. He couldn't let Harmony ruin everything, not now that Buffy wanted him too.

Harm was pleased to see the alarmed look on his face. "Does she know that you've got --"

"Shut your bloody mouth!" Spike yelled, launching himself at her and punching her again.

Buffy was trying to gather her strength to get up and help Spike. She watched them trading punches and kicks, but her eyes also kept darting to the area Harmony had pointed to a moment ago. Buffy wondered what the ditzy vampire could've been talking about. Whatever it was, Spike obviously didn't want Harm saying any more about it...

Harmony kneed Spike in the groin and slapped him. But he barely felt any pain, he even forgot he still had an arrow sticking out of his back, he was running on pure adrenaline. Harm tried punching him again, but he ducked under the swing and kneed her in the stomach. Spike grabbed her and threw her to the floor, and then he leapt on top of her with an animalistic roar.

Spike pinned Harmony down on the floor. "You shoulda stayed gone, Harm!" he growled.

"Oww! You're on my hair!" Harmony snarled, reaching around him to grab the arrow in his back, and then cruelly twisting it.

Spike inhaled sharply, and cried out in pain -- he might not have felt much from the punches and kicks, but he'd felt that. Harmony was able to use his moment of weakness to throw him off of her. She wrenched the arrow from his back while he was writhing on the floor and trying to clear the black fog of pain from his mind.

Spike gasped again and went up on his knees when Harmony pulled the arrow out of him. She wielded it like a stake and tried stabbing him in the chest with it -- but Spike caught her arm and they started wrestling for control.

Meanwhile, Buffy had put Spike's coat back on -- she didn't want to fight Harmony in just a bra. She reached into the pocket and took out the stake she'd brought with her from the mansion. She bounced on the bed to help her get the momentum to stand up, and once she was steady on her feet she called to Harmony, "Yo, bitch!"

Spike and Harm paused their wrestling match and looked at Buffy. Spike growled and shoved the blonde vampiress away from him. He leaned back against the wall to rest for a minute, his chest and shoulders heaving.

Harmony put a hand on her hip and looked at Buffy. "We're a little busy. What do you want, Slutty?"

"I've had more than enough of you," Buffy grumbled, raising her right hand and gripping the stake tightly. "You don't deserve it, but I'm giving you one last chance to leave on your own. You either walk out, or you leave inside a Dustbuster."

Harm stayed quiet as she sized Buffy up: the Slayer looked like death warmed over... but Harm knew she was a super-tough bitch.

Buffy started forward slowly (because 'slowly' was all she could manage), trying to look at Harmony as evilly as possible. "Maybe I won't dust you right away... I need someone to take out my rage on and Dru's not here for me to get even for what she did to me; you can be her stand-in, just like in the movies."

"But... that's no fair!" Harm exclaimed. "I didn't do that to you, I don't deserve to take the heat for what Dorkzilla did!"

"But you hurt Spike just now, didn't you?" Buffy licked the blood from her lower lip and smiled. "I can torture you for that."

Harmony decided to get the hell out of there, the Slayer looked really mean and scary. Harm guessed that Buffy had gone evil or something -- maybe Dorkzilla had turned her and that's why she'd finally tried hooking up with Spike. The Slayer was way too much of a goody-goody to want Spike if she was her normal, uptight self.

Harm started circling around Buffy, keeping a good distance between them as she moved toward the ladder to the upper level. "Okay... geez! Don't mess yourself! I'm going! You can have Spike, I don't care! You're both sickos, you deserve each other!"

Buffy moved to where Spike was now leaning heavily on the wall and panting. She kept her eyes on Harmony as she put her bandaged hand on Spike's shoulder. She looked at him with concern, and they gave each other a small, caring smile.

Harmony couldn't believe the Slayer was stealing her Blondie Bear. She could see, and practically feel, the affection they had for each other -- and it made her want to yak. Yeah, Harm had been ready to dust him, but that didn't mean she didn't love him. Well, the Slayer was going to hurt him someday -- probably soon! -- and Harm wouldn't be there the next time he needed someone to keep him warm at night. He'd be sorry then. "Oh, Spikey," she called to him in a haughty way.

Spike and Buffy rolled their eyes and turned their heads to look at her.

"You can say goodbye to this," Harm said, pointing to her butt, "because you're not gonna see it any more -- ever." She looked up in thought. "Unless you run into me somewhere and it's me walking away from you."

She started to turn to leave, but stopped and turned back, putting her hands on her hips. "But even then... I'll probably just... you know... back away..." Harmony backed the rest of the way to the ladder, and then climbed up quickly.

---

Buffy and Spike both let out a long breath and slumped against each other once they were alone again.

"Bloody fucking hell..." Spike muttered.

They looked at each other and started laughing at the craziness that had been their evening. Buffy leaned on him, resting her cheek on his shoulder for a few moments. Spike put his arms around her, closing his eyes and holding her.

"I was totally bluffing," Buffy groaned, slipping the stake back into the coat pocket. "I can't make any sudden movements without my body loudly protesting. She coulda kicked my ass."

"You put up a bloody good front, Slayer. I believed you were about to do her some grievous har... injury, too. I have to erase the word 'harm' from my vocabulary."

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked, pulling away to look at him.

"I'll live." Spike smirked.

"You've got more boo-boos," Buffy said, lightly touching his head where Harmony had thumped him with the crossbow.

"You do, too." Spike winced in sympathy. "Sorry 'bout how I fell on top of you..."

Buffy snorted and shook her head. "Yes, how dare you get shot and then collapse on me. Wasn't your fault, Spike." Then she closed her eyes and sighed wearily. "Please, God, let that be the last bad thing to happen tonight. I really, really can't take any more."

Spike put his arm around her and helped her back to the bed. "Sit down and have a rest, luv." He eased her back down onto the bed, and then sat next to her.

"Harmony showing up here was bad, but her timing really sucked, too," Buffy said, annoyed. "We were actually having a little... fun, which we so richly deserved after the night from Hell."

Spike just sighed and nodded. Then he thought he heard a noise and looked sharply over toward the trapdoor. It was probably just him being paranoid, but he couldn't rest if he thought Harmony (or another of their many well-wishers) was preparing to attack them again. "Harm might be lurkin' about... waiting 'til our guards are down." He stood up again and picked up the machete he'd brought from the mansion.

"I think she left, Spike." Buffy looked anxiously toward the trapdoor, too. She wasn't sure if Harmony had really left or not, but she was afraid that Spike wouldn't be able to handle yet another round of fisticuffs.

Spike smiled and touched the side of her face affectionately. "I've gotta check, but I'll be right back. No worries."

Buffy could see he had his mind set on going, so she relented and nodded.

Spike went to the ladder and climbed up cautiously. A few seconds later he called down, "You're right, I think she left. But I could swear I heard something... I'm gonna have a look outside, then I'll be right down."

"Okay... just be careful. And hurry up," Buffy called back.

"I will."

As Buffy waited for Spike to return, her eyes were drawn again to that area of the cavern that Harmony had pointed to. What was Harmony talking about? And why did Harmony saying it make Spike angrier -- was he trying to hide something from Buffy? He'd seemed nearly panicked.

Buffy's curiosity got the better of her; a quick peek couldn't hurt. She pushed herself back up to her feet, checked first to see if Spike was coming back, and then took a torch from a sconce and went into the unlit area of the room.

There was a section of the wall with a big sheet covering it. Buffy put the torch in a sconce just to the left of the sheet, and then pulled the covering away to see what was underneath.

There was a chest of drawers and a smaller table covered with photographs, drawings, clothing (mostly panties and thongs), stakes, and other various odds and ends -- all relating to or belonging to Buffy. And, the most bizarre thing: there was a mannequin with a long, blonde wig, and wearing Buffy's sweater she'd thought Dawn had stolen. It was obvious who the mannequin was supposed to be...

Spike had stolen things from her house -- from her bedroom. He'd been following her, stalking her.

"Oh my God..." Buffy whispered, feeling an icy numbness spreading throughout her body. Her wide eyes kept moving over all the items Spike had collected. She finally had to blink to clear her eyes of the tears that were welling up in them.

The part of her that had been resisting trusting and having feelings for Spike took over completely. That cynical part of her shouted in triumph, feeling vindicated. The voice said, 'You see?! I told you Spike couldn't love you! I told you it was a mistake to trust him! I told you he hadn't changed! He's a disgusting, twisted *thing*! And this proves it!'

What she was seeing was a perfect example of obsession, not love. This was something a deranged, obsessed stalker would do, not someone who was simply in love. She had been horribly, horribly wrong when she thought he'd changed, that he was even capable of changing or of truly loving her. She'd been a fool to let herself trust him or feel anything but contempt for him.

Buffy was utterly heartbroken and disillusioned. Her mind couldn't take any more twists and turns in a night that had been fraught with pain and confusion. It had taken so much out of her to make herself admit that she had feelings for Spike, and now all that agonizing and introspection was for nothing.

"The coast appears to be clear," Spike said as he came back down the ladder. "No sign of..." He stopped talking abruptly when he saw where Buffy was, and what she was looking at. Spike felt his stomach drop and his blood run cold.

Buffy was standing in front of the shrine with her back to him. He felt paralyzed, frozen to the spot, unable to move.

"Oh God... no. Please no..." Spike whispered, horror-struck. He felt like he might throw up. 'Why did you leave her alone down here!? You bloody moron!' his mind screamed at him.

He'd briefly forgotten about Harmony almost giving his secret away... but clearly, Buffy hadn't missed the clues. Buffy was never supposed to know about this, much less see it with her own eyes.

Spike wanted to try explaining himself, but he couldn't speak. There really wasn't anything he could say to make this situation any better. He silently waited for whatever it was that was going to happen.

The fact that he was back finally registered in Buffy's weary brain. She turned her head slowly to look at him.

Spike's fears were confirmed when he saw her face. He knew immediately, and beyond any doubt, that he would see that look on her face every time he closed his eyes -- Buffy looked confused, freaked out, and worst of all, deeply hurt and betrayed.

"What the hell is this, Spike?" Buffy asked, her voice cracking on his name. More tears fell from her eyes as she stared at him, waiting for some kind of answer.

His mouth moved, but he had no idea what to say. When he did speak, his voice was strained and unsteady. "You... weren't supposed to go over there... Why'd you have to go over there?"

Buffy shook her head and scowled at him, going from heartbroken to irate. "Oh, this is my fault, right?! I wasn't supposed to come over here, so it's my own fault that I'm upset!"

"N-no..." Spike squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw. "That's not what I..."

"How could you do this to me?" Buffy asked weakly, her voice almost a whisper. But she already knew how he could do something like this -- he was an evil, soulless creature who thought of nothing and no one but himself and his own twisted desires.

"Buffy, please, I know how..." Spike took a step, reaching a hand out toward her, but she flinched back, bumping into the shrine and looking at him with fear in her eyes.

"Don't come near me... Never touch me again."

"Buffy..." Tears stung Spike's eyes too, his vision was getting blurry. "You know I wouldn't hurt you..."

"Do I?" she asked scornfully. "How dare you claim to love me and still do something like... this. Being with Dru all those years must've warped your mind enough for you to think this is love."

"I do... I do love you. I love you so much, Buffy," Spike said, pleading with her to believe it. "Please..."

"That's a lie!" Buffy cried. She pointed to the shrine. "This is NOT love! This is sick! This is obsession! You followed me around taking pictures of me, you went into my house and stole my things to do God knows what with them!"

"...I'm sor--"

"No! Don't say you're sorry and don't tell me that you 'can explain' -- I don't want to hear it, Spike! Anything you say can only make this worse!" Buffy looked at the shrine again and sobbed. "I can't believe I..." She held in a heavier sob and covered her face with her hands.

She'd let herself believe she could trust him, she thought he had changed. She'd let him lick her body, she'd thought about (and planned on) having sex with him in the near future. The worst thing was that she'd opened her heart to him, she'd finally let him in... and this was her reward. "I trusted you! I believed you! Oh God, I'm such a fool!"

Spike wanted to say something, anything, but he choked on his reply.

"The only reason you saved me tonight was because you couldn't let the object of your obsession die!" Buffy accused through her tears. "You don't love me -- you don't know what real love is!"

"That's not true!" Spike said thickly.

"That fucking mannequin is wearing my blue cashmere sweater! You stole my clothes, my pictures, my..." Buffy let out an anguished cry and angrily swept all of the stakes and other objects on the dresser onto the floor. She frantically ripped some of the pictures and sketches down, and then she turned to the mannequin and punched it, knocking it over onto the floor. She stomped on it a few times, crushing the head and chest, before she stopped and dissolved into tears.

This was killing Spike; he could feel his heart breaking within his chest. He just stood there helplessly, watching her destroy his 'tribute' to her. Buffy was having a breakdown because of him. Buffy was in emotional pain because he was a miserable git who didn't know how to channel his unrequited love in a more positive direction. He'd never hated himself since he'd become a vampire... until now. Spike bowed his head as a tear slid down his cheek, he was consumed with sadness and regret.

"I... I have to go home," Buffy said numbly, shuffling her feet and moving toward the ladder, taking care to move around him.

Concern for her safety was able to cut through the dark cloud in Spike's mind. The thought of Buffy walking home by herself (injured and exhausted), and his usual protective feelings for her, made him look back up at her and say, "Buffy, you shouldn't go alone. Let me walk you --"

Buffy held up her good hand. "No! Please... I just want to leave. I need to be alone. I need to get out of here..."

The shock and unease in her voice and expression broke Spike's heart again. She wanted to get away from him, and she didn't care if she did get attacked and killed on the way home, as long as she was able to get away from him.

But he couldn't just let her leave like this. "At least take the sewers... you're less likely to run into any nasties."

Buffy's eyes went to the sewer entrance. Thinking wasn't her strong suit at the moment, her already fatigued brain was being overtaxed as it was, but she mulled over his suggestion and decided he was right. "Yeah... sewers... good." She started moving toward the sewer entrance.

"And a weapon," Spike added. "You need something..."

She stopped and turned to him, bringing the stake out of the coat pocket. "Already got something."

They stared at each other for several moments. That cynical voice in Buffy's head told her to just stake him so he'd never have a chance to hurt her again. And Spike couldn't decide whether he wanted her to stake him or not, he didn't think he could bear the sorrow he was feeling. He’d cocked everything up with that stupid shrine – Buffy would never trust him again – he’d never get another chance with her, but worst of all was the look of hurt he saw in her eyes and knowing that he caused it.

A new voice in Buffy's head begged her not to hurt Spike. She lowered her hand back to her side and started to turn away from him.

Spike thought he should just keep quiet, but he had to say one more thing, one last desperate attempt to make her not hate him. "I know all that..." He looked fleetingly at the shrine. "I know it was wrong... I know it was a bloody stupid thing for me to do. But I do love you, Buffy. I didn't mean to hurt you, please believe me... I'd do anything for you... anything to make you happy."

"Yeah?" Buffy asked coldly, keeping her back to him. "Then stay the hell away from me from now on. Stay away from me, my family, my friends, my house. Just... stay away, or I'll..." She looked at him one more time, profoundly sad and wounded. And then she hurried into the sewers before he could say anything else to stop her from leaving.

---

Spike stared for a minute at the spot Buffy had disappeared into the sewers, not moving or even blinking.

Was this really happening? It was too awful, too terrible, to be true... It was a nightmare, that's what this was. Or maybe it was another of Drusilla's illusions? Spike put his hands to his head and raked his fingers back over his scalp, digging his fingernails in. He felt the pain from clawing at his head... that meant it was real.

Reality came crashing down on him. A wracking sob shook Spike's body, tears flowed freely from his eyes. His legs gave out and he dropped to his knees. Buffy had told him she wanted to be friends, she'd shown interest in him as more than a friend, she'd let him touch her, and she'd willingly touched him... And now all of it was gone in the blink of an eye. He'd been so close to paradise, only to have it suddenly wrenched away from him.

He'd rejected and tried to kill Dru, Harmony had tried to kill him and left (hopefully for good), and now Buffy wanted nothing to do with him, either... In one night Spike had lost his past, present, and (what he'd hoped would be) his future. What reason did he have left to even get out of bed in the evening?

Spike's sobs turned into hysterical laughter. Why should he be surprised things turned out this way? It was exactly what he should have expected with how his luck ran. Just as quickly as it began, his laughter stopped and turned back into sobs. Spike sniffed and closed his eyes, forcing himself to be calm. The muscles of his face rippled with the effort of tamping down his grief and anger. He wondered if he would go mad quickly or if it would take some time.

Spike slowly got back to his feet, then wandered over to the shrine on wobbly legs, scanning the damage Buffy had done to it. He kept seeing her face when she'd turned to him -- her horrified, appalled, frightened face. She hated him more than ever now.

Despair threatened to overwhelm him, so Spike let his anger take over. Anger was good; anger was better than feeling worthless and alone like a pathetic git.

Spike snarled, "I saved her bloody life -- and this is how she thanks me?! Treats me like dirt! Just 'cos I collected a few... mementos? Harmony... it's her fault! Stupid bint just had to go an' ruin it! She never did know when to keep her bloody gob shut! And Dru! She set all this into motion! If it weren't for them..." He started pacing back and forth in front of the shrine and ranted to the empty room. "I'm stuck with Buffy in here," he pressed his fingers hard against his forehead. "Destroyed everything that was me, until all that was left was her in a dead shell." He growled. "You know what I should just do, is get rid of all of them! Burn them. Cut them into little pieces," he made scissoring motions with his fingers, "so there won't be any more bints to cock up things for Spike!"

He stopped, closed his eyes and sighed. The anger passed and was replaced by sadness again. The only one who had really cocked things up for Spike was Spike himself. No one had made him steal Buffy's possessions, no one had made him stealthily follow her around and occasionally snap pictures of her for his collection. He would be sure to kick Harmony's ass for cluing Buffy in about the shrine, but all Harm had really done was shine a spotlight on Spike's fatal flaws.

Spike could now see the shrine through Buffy's eyes -- it wasn't a tribute to her and his boundless love, it was a freak's obsession. It was clear as day to him now: he was sick, he was twisted, and he would never be worthy of her. He was... beneath her.

Spike had another burst of crazy laughter when the thought occurred to him, 'Buffy's wearing my coat. I won't be getting it back.' Buffy would probably set fire to his beloved coat, and she'll probably be wishing he was wearing it as she watches it burn.

The only thing he could hope for was that Buffy might forgive him someday. But he would be lucky if she ever spoke to him again. Hell, he'd be lucky if she didn't dust him and then flush his remains down the loo. No future with Buffy. No future with Drusilla. And definitely no future with Harmony. Where did that leave him?

Alone. Alone, and doomed to stay that way. Maybe this was his punishment for all the evil he'd done in his life.

Spike took an empty box and tossed all of the pictures and items from the shrine into it. Taking apart the shrine was too little, much too late, he shouldn't have put the bloody thing together in the first place. He intended to throw out the entire box at first, but he'd have to go through it and see which things he'd stolen from Buffy's house. Buffy would be wanting her property back. He'd just leave her belongings outside her front door in a day or two, to spare her having to see him again.

Once he was finished, he covered the box up with the sheet that had hidden the shrine. He didn't want to have it out in the open to remind him of what a colossal failure he was. Crawling inside a bottle of whiskey for a few days would help take his mind off his troubles. Being in a drunken stupor was a more attractive option than being in mind-numbing misery.

Despite his unusual (and unfortunate) ways of expressing his feelings, Spike was still positive that he was in love with Buffy. It wasn't just an obsession or fixation on her, and he didn't love her just because she was the Slayer. He loved Buffy Anne Summers, the woman.

Buffy had been wrong when she'd accused him of saving her life tonight because his obsessed mind needed her around to fixate on. Spike was very well acquainted with love and how it felt to be in love, and that's what he felt for her. He had many failings -- including having exceptionally bad judgment and having no moral compass -- but not being able to feel real love wasn't one of them. He loved Buffy with every fiber of his being, he would always love her... but the dream was over. He didn't even have that (admittedly thin) "What if?" hope to cling to anymore -- the hope that Buffy might one day develop feelings for him.

Buffy deserved better than him. She knew it, and now he knew it too. The kindest, most loving gesture he could make was to disappear and never bother her again. What was the saying? If you love something, set it free...

"I'm sorry I let you down, Buffy," Spike said softly as he opened up a fresh bottle of whiskey. He took the first drink of many. The way the amber liquid burned its way down his gullet was oddly comforting.

---

Buffy thought her house was a mirage at first. She didn't know how she'd made it through the sewers without collapsing, but here she was, at her front walk. Spotting that big, red peace sign back in the tunnels had helped a lot.

She squinted at the sun which was just peeking over the horizon. Her long, terrible night was finally at an end.

During her journey through the sewers she'd commanded herself not to think about Spike, it hurt too much to know she'd been so wrong about him. But not thinking about him was easier said than done. The realization that she'd begun to fall in love with him had caused her to cry again. How many times could her heart be broken before she became dead inside? No more love, no more men -- she wouldn't let herself be hurt again.

Now that she was back to her normal anti-Spike attitude, the little voice in her head seemed to actually be on his side. Thoughts kept creeping in, like, ‘Spike looked devastated, so sad... He really is sorry for what he did. He still saved your life tonight, you shouldn’t just shrug that off.’

Buffy told her inner-voice to shut up before it drove her completely insane. She couldn’t think good things about Spike right now; she couldn’t keep going back and forth on how she thought of him anymore.

The front door was thrown open just as Buffy reached for the knob.

Joyce looked at Buffy and put her hands over her mouth. “Oh, Buffy, we were so worried about you! My poor baby!” She opened her arms, getting ready to give (what Buffy knew would be) a tight hug.

Buffy stepped back and put her hands up. “Mom, no hugging, okay? My ribs really hurt right now.”

Joyce lowered her arms. “Oh, I’m sorry, honey.”

Buffy came in and was greeted warmly by Dawn, Willow, and Tara. They were worried about how disheveled and beat up Buffy looked, but she was alive, and she was safe now.

Dawn leaned out the door and looked around the front porch. “Where’s Spike? Didn't he come back with you? That's his coat, isn't it? He had to come with you.”

Buffy looked down. “No, he... um...”

Dawn became alarmed. “Oh no... did something happen to him? Is he okay?!”

“Spike’s fine,” Buffy said, putting her sister’s mind to rest. “But he... got beat down a lot tonight, too. I insisted that he try and get some rest and not come home with me.” That was as truthful as Buffy wanted to be with them at the moment.

Dawn nodded, relieved to hear that Spike was alright.

“You need to go to the hospital,” Joyce said resolutely, going toward the kitchen. "Let me get my purse and --"

"Mom, I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm okay, really. I will be okay."

Joyce turned back to her, scanning Buffy with her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sore and tired, but nothing's broken. I just need to crawl into bed and sleep for a day... or ten.”

Tara said, "I hope Mr. Giles and the others come back soon, or at least call, so they know you're alright."

"Yeah, they've been out looking for you for a long time," Dawn said. "They don't even know you called home yet."

"Call..." Buffy thought there was someone she'd wanted to call... Then she remembered. "I have to call Angel before I can relax."

"Angel? Why?" Willow asked.

"Because Dru said something about going to L.A. She and Darla want to try to turn him evil again. I've got to warn him that she might be heading his way," Buffy explained.

Willow's brow furrowed. "Darla? But isn't she..."

"Yeah, I know, she's supposed to be nothing but a pile of dust. But, according to Dru, she's back among the living -- or living dead."

"I can call Angel," Willow volunteered. "You go upstairs and get some rest."

Buffy sighed, but nodded. She was too tired to argue. She thought she should make the call herself, but as long as Angel was informed, it didn't matter who actually called. "Angel Investigations' number is in the Rolodex in the living room."

Willow nodded and hurried into the living room.

Dawn, Tara, and Joyce surrounded Buffy to help her up the stairs, they were afraid she might fall down from how weak and unsteady she seemed.

Joyce sniffed. "Buffy... you smell like a distillery. Have you been drinking?"

"Um... I did have a drink. But what you're smelling is probably the booze that Spike used on my cuts. He didn't have any regular antiseptic..."

"Well, that would definitely explain the whiskey fumes curling off of you. Do you have a lot of cuts? What did that horrible woman do to you?" Joyce asked with concern.

"I have a lot of superficial cuts... nothing serious," Buffy replied anxiously -- she really didn't want to have to show her mom her injuries.

"You didn't get to stake Dru, huh?" Dawn asked, taking Buffy's arm and helping her avoid any of their mother's follow-up questions.

"Spike tried twice... but she's a lot trickier than you'd expect a total lunatic to be."

Dawn frowned, but then smiled a little. "I told them Spike wouldn't hurt you. I knew he'd try helping you. I'm gonna rub it in real good when Xander comes back."

Buffy looked briefly at her mom and Tara, and then back at Dawn. "You guys thought Spike was the one who kidnapped me?"

"Well... until you called we weren't sure," Joyce said, feeling guilty for suspecting Spike for even a moment. "We didn't know what had happened to you. Thank goodness Spike helped you get away from that awful Drusilla."

"Yes... he did. I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for him..." Buffy flashed back to some of Spike's heroics from earlier in the evening. He really had come through for her... She pushed thoughts of him out of her head for now. It was too confusing -- hating him and wanting to cuddle him at the same time.

"I assume Spike will be dropping by sometime tomorrow..." Joyce glanced at a window. "Make that today. I'd like to thank him for helping you."

"No, I don't think he'll be... dropping by," Buffy said, remembering how she'd told him to stay away. At Dawn's questioning look, Buffy added, "He needs a few days, at least, to recover. So I don't want anyone else," she looked pointedly at Dawn, "going to see him, either. Let him... rest."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Okay, I get the message. Spike will come here when he's feeling better, we can thank him then."

Buffy just nodded. She wasn't about to go into the reasons why Spike wouldn't be coming to the house again. Yes, it was true that Spike notoriously hadn't listened to any warnings Buffy had given him in the past, but something told her he really would stay away this time. He'd looked so forlorn, so resigned... Even now it tugged at Buffy's heart to picture the way he'd looked when she left the crypt.

Then Buffy got angry at herself for feeling that way. She thought, 'Stop it! He deserved everything I said! He's creepy and deranged, don't feel sorry for him!'

As they made their way into Buffy's room, Joyce asked, "What exactly happened tonight, Buffy? How did Drusilla get you in a position to hurt you the way she did?"

"It's a very long story," Buffy replied, groaning as she climbed onto her bed. "I'll tell everyone all about it tomorrow. Right now... I can barely think straight."

"Don't you want to get into your pajamas?" Joyce asked, wanting to do something to make Buffy feel better. "Maybe a bath or shower would be a good first step. You want me to run you a bath, honey? I'll put in those bath beads you like."

"No..." Buffy pulled Spike's coat tighter around her. "I just want to sleep." She didn't want to take the coat off for her mother to see the dozens of slashes and the picture Dru had carved into her.

"What about some hot chocolate?" Joyce put the comforter on top of Buffy, tucking her in.

Dawn said, "Yeah, that's a good comfort food kinda thing. It's Spike's favorite. He likes the little marshmallows."

Buffy sighed. Dawn apparently knew of all the things Spike loved (including Buffy herself). But that's what you did when you were crushing on someone, you made it your duty to find out what they liked.

"I'll go make that hot chocolate for you, sweetie." Joyce bent down and kissed Buffy on the forehead.

"I don't want you running around taking care of me, Mom. I'm sorry I made you worry tonight..." Buffy's eyes glistened with tears.

"You're my daughter, it's my job to worry about you." She patted Buffy on the head, and then went downstairs.

"How bad are you hurt... really?" Dawn asked seriously, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I know you didn't want Mom to worry, so you downplayed it, didn't you? Is it bad?"

"I have some bruised ribs, I'm sore as hell, and I have lots and lots of cuts. I don't want Mom to see how many cuts I have on my arms, stomach, and back." Buffy looked to Tara. "Could you and Willow make healing thingies for me?"

"Y-you mean like poultices and balms?" Tara asked, nodding.

"Yeah, stuff like that. I wouldn't say no to a healing spell, either."

"Sure, Buffy, we can do that. Healing magick is kind of my specialty." Tara smiled. "We can have everything ready for when you wake up."

"Thanks, Tara." Buffy yawned wide. "I don't think I can stay awake for the hot cocoa..."

"It's more important that you sleep," Tara said, putting her hand on Dawn's shoulder to tell her they should leave.

Dawn put her hand over Buffy's good hand, and then stood up. "If you need anything, just call us, okay?"

Buffy nodded, her eyes closing and sleep already beginning to claim her.

Dawn and Tara tiptoed out of the room and shut the door.

---

As Buffy was emerging from the sewer onto Revello Drive, Spike was about to receive more uninvited guests. It was a little over a half hour after Buffy had fled the crypt, and Spike was on his second bottle of whiskey.

He was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall, drinking, smoking, but mainly just staring off into space. The radio was still on, and he dazedly sang along with whatever happened to be playing.

Spike was a bloody mess, he needed to clean up his stomach, back, and wipe the blood from his forehead and face. But he couldn't be bothered to do it. He could use a pint of blood too, but he didn't want to have to go all the way up the ladder to get it. So he sat there and continued drinking himself stupid.

"I couldn't've just taken a few snaps of her..." he mumbled. "Oh no, not me. I had to put together something worthy of the Creepy Stalker Hall of Fame... What the bloody hell is wrong with me? Damn, I'm still thinkin' 'bout her... not drunk enough yet." He took another long drink from the bottle.

Voices coming from above registered in his mind. Spike recognized the voices: Buffy's friends were back. He was not in the mood for company. 'Oh, bloody hell... Go away, go away, go away...' He remembered that he hadn't covered the trapdoor the last time he'd come down. They were nosey; they were sure to come down. "Bollocks..."

Were they still looking for Buffy, or had Buffy told them about the shrine? Were they here to dust him for stalking her? Well... at least that would mean Buffy had gotten home safe. Spike would rather not get taken out by one of the sodding Scoobies, but he wouldn't be able to put up much resistance if it went down that way. He was just so bloody tired.

Spike closed his eyes and groaned when he heard Xander say, "Hey, check it out. There's a ladder... and I can hear music."

"We should... take care. We don't know what's waiting for us down there," Giles cautioned.

"Let's go down. Spike's responsible for what happened to Buffy, I know it," Xander insisted.

Spike clenched his jaw when he heard them climbing down to the lower crypt. He really didn't want to deal with them.

Xander, Anya, and Giles had been heading back to Buffy's house when they decided to check Spike's crypt one more time. The three of them had come by earlier, but Spike hadn't been home. Xander still had a feeling that Spike was either responsible for Buffy's disappearance or involved in it somehow.

Xander went down the ladder first, followed by Anya and then Giles.

"Remarkable," Giles said once they were all standing at the bottom of the ladder. "This might be part of a network of catacombs under the city."

"Spike has a nice setup down here," Anya commented. "Very cozy."

There was a pyramid of skulls near them on the floor. "Call me a kook, but piles of skulls don't say 'cozy' to me." Xander shivered. "Martha Stewart he's not..."

Anya shrugged. "I didn't say it couldn't use a woman's touch. Some throw pillows here and there, a few nicely framed photos and one of those cute kitten posters on the walls, fewer piles of skulls, and it could be a much warmer and vibrant room."

"Spike?" Giles called warily. They walked further into the room. "Spike, are you here?"

"He's gotta be here," Xander whispered. "The radio's on, and I'm about to choke on fresh cigarette smoke."

Spike sighed as he watched them go past him. They didn't notice him sitting in the shadows on the floor. He thought about staying quiet and motionless, hoping they would leave without ever knowing he was here. But they'd probably start pawing through his belongings.

Xander turned off the radio.

Spike's voice was low and gravelly, "What the bloody hell do you want?"

Xander let out a little squeak as the three of them spun around.

"Good Lord..." Giles was startled by Spike's voice, and by the condition Spike was in.

"Why didn't you answer us when we called your name?" Anya asked, putting a hand to her chest. "You could have given poor Giles a heart attack -- it's not nice to frighten the elderly."

"Elderly?!" Giles exclaimed. "I bloody well am not elderly!"

"I only meant that you're elderly compared to me and Xander."

Giles started to counter that statement, then grimaced and shook his head. "Never mind. We need to deal with this situation right now..." He would be discussing the definition of 'elderly' with Anya later. He took a steadying breath and looked at Spike. "Spike, what happened to you?"

"I think I can name that tune in one note," Xander said, glaring at Spike. "Spike tried doing something to Buffy and she beat the shit out of him."

Spike used the wall to push himself up to his feet. "Buffy should be home by now. Go talk to her," he said tiredly.

Xander tightened his hold around the stake in his hand. "We're here looking for Buffy. What did you do to her?"

"Your ears not workin', Special Ed? I told you," Spike cupped a hand around his mouth to amplify his voice, "Buffy went home!"

"Aha! So you admit that she was here!" Xander said victoriously. "You lied to us the first time we came here tonight. You wouldn't let us come in because she was here -- I knew it!"

Spike leaned back against the wall. "I wasn't lying. She wasn't here then." He went to take another drink but found the bottle empty. He sighed and dropped it on the floor.

Xander wasn't buying it. "I don't believe you."

"You don't, eh?" Spike shrugged and smiled. "Blow me."

Xander suddenly rushed at and shoved Spike against the wall. He grabbed Spike by the throat while holding the stake cocked back. "You think this is funny?! What did you do to Buffy?!"

"I didn't do anything to her!" Spike choked out. Then it occurred to him that he might actually be able to hurt Xander without getting zapped by the chip. Dru had hypnotized him so that the chip wouldn't affect him -- but he hadn't had a chance to test it on a human besides Buffy... yet.

Xander yelled, "Tell me where Buffy really is -- and what you did to her -- or I'll stake your sorry ass!"

Spike grabbed Xander by the shoulder and wrist, not applying too much pressure, just keeping Xander from staking him. But it would be a simple matter to snap the boy's arm. Spike's lips curled into a smile at that thought. But the smile and the rush he got at the thought of hurting Xander didn't last long. If he injured or killed Xander, he'd have to fight Anya and Rupert when they inevitably tried protecting Xander. He didn't want to hurt them, he really had nothing against the ex-demon or the ex-Watcher. But what really got to Spike was thinking what it would do to Buffy if he hurt any of them. Her friends were everything to her, she'd be devastated if something bad happened to any one of them. And if it was him that hurt her friends, that would just add insult to injury. Spike knew any hope he had of being with Buffy was gone, but he still couldn't hurt her like that. He never wanted to be the cause of her pain ever again.

So, Spike didn't snap Xander's arm like a twig. The boy didn't know just how lucky he was that Spike remembered to mind his manners at the last second. Instead, Spike channeled his anger into his expression and voice. "Take your stinkin' paws off me -- now," Spike growled, his eyes flashed gold but he didn't morph into his vampire face.

Xander didn't know for sure if Spike couldn't fight back, he still wondered if the chip had malfunctioned... but the look Spike was giving him was almost enough to make him piss his pants -- and the chip wouldn't kick in for deadly looks. Spike's teeth were slightly bared, his blue eyes were darkened, narrowed, and as cold as ice. Xander had never seen someone look quite so evil. And it wasn't even Spike's vamp face. Xander released him and took several steps backward.

Spike continued to glower at Xander while rubbing his throat. "I didn't hurt Buffy. I helped her get away. She set off for home through the sewers..." He trailed off because he didn't know how much time had passed; he'd been too mired in misery and depression to keep track of time. "Couldn't've been too long ago."

"If you didn't do it, then who did abduct Buffy?" Giles pressed for an answer.

Spike walked unsteadily past them to get another bottle of whiskey. "It was Dru. And that's all I'm gonna tell ya. I don't care to relive any bit of it. Get the story from Buffy, 'cos I ain't talkin'."

"Drusilla, your crazy ex-girlfriend?" Anya asked. She'd never met Dru, but she'd heard enough to know her being in town was a very bad thing.

Spike nodded. "And time hasn't dulled the crazy any. I think she's gotten more sadistic... she remembers those lessons Angelus taught her very well."

"Dear Lord, Drusilla's back?" Giles said anxiously. "We have to --"

Spike shook his head as he twisted the cap off a bottle. "She's come an' gone. Left for greener pastures with her new idiot minion boy-toy... reminded me of Finn, he did."

"Alright then... let's go see if Buffy really is home. You'd better not be lying to us, Spike," Giles warned.

"I'm not bloody lying," Spike growled between clenched teeth. "Go to her house or call her mum. If she's not there, then you can come back and kill me. 'Ow's that?" he asked, flinging his arms out to the sides and making his heart an easy target, before dropping them wearily back down to his sides.

"Yeah," Xander said, finally getting over how Spike's malevolent gaze had spooked him, "we go to Buffy's house to check out your story, leaving you here all by your lonesome. And you'll just stay put and wait for us to come back, huh?"

Spike laughed a bit crazily (which also spooked Xander). "You think I'll run off? I've got nowhere else to go. This..." Spike spread his arms out to encompass the room. "This is all I have. So yeah... I'll be right here."

"There are payphones not far outside the cemetery gates," Giles said. "Anya and I will go and check out Spike's story. Xander, you can stay here and... keep an eye on him."

Xander wasn't sure he wanted to be alone with Spike after the multiple spookings. "Uh... Anya doesn't have to go. She can stay here too."

Giles took off his glasses and polished them. "Ah, I see... I'm supposed to go traipsing through the cemetery at night by myself. Yes, of course, nothing could possibly happen to me." He put his glasses back on and gave Xander a look. "It would be wise for two people to go to make the phone call -- one person can keep a lookout for any would-be attackers. If you're not comfortable being alone with Spike, then you and Anya can go and I'll stay here -- it doesn't matter! Let's just get it over with. It's been a very long night."

Anya hooked her arm through Xander's. "I don't think you have to be afraid of him, honey. Spike's all beat up and, by the looks of it, he's very drunk and only getting drunker. You could probably easily take him in a fight. Although normally, with his vampire strength, he could just rip you in half and stomp on your entrails... if the chip didn't stop him."

Spike chuckled as he lit a cigarette. He found it amusing to think Xander was afraid of him, and that was without the boy knowing about the (possibly) hypnosis-blocked chip.

Xander frowned, the vision of Spike stomping on his guts flashing in his mind. Xander swallowed back the lump in his throat and pushed that image away. "I'm not afraid of him. You and Giles go ahead and call Buffy's house. I'll... stay here, no problem!"

Anya turned to Spike. "Spike, does your chip work or are you able to hurt people?"

Spike raised an eyebrow and blew out a stream of smoke. "Still works... far as I know."

Anya gave Xander a kiss on the cheek. "There, see? His chip works."

"And we're taking his word for that?" Xander asked.

"Well, if he attacks you and doesn't get corrected by the chip, then we'll know for sure. Until then, we have no reason to think it doesn't work." Anya turned to Spike again. "There was wild speculation tonight as to whether your chip still worked or not. Everyone thought you did something horrible to Buffy. Well, when I say 'everyone' I mean everyone except myself and Dawn."

Xander sighed. "Anya, will you and Giles just go and call Buffy's house, please?"

"When is your bloody Scooby club gonna get cell phones?" Spike asked irritably. "Seems like it'd be a wise investment to me."

"I've thought of getting one of those," Anya said. "I'm just shopping around for the best bargain. I'd like to find one that looks like a communicator from Star Trek, Xander would enjoy that."

Giles sighed and went to the ladder. "Come along, Anya."

Xander gripped the stake in his hand as Giles and Anya climbed back up to the upper level.

Spike snorted and took another drink. "Everyone thought I turned on Buffy... You lot always expect the worst of me, don' you?"

"Oh, we only expect the worst of you 'cause we know you," Xander said sarcastically, waving his hand. "I don't know how you got Dawn wrapped around your finger... She thinks you can do no wrong -- she's obviously a very naive kid."

Spike was about to tell Xander to shut up... but the wanker was right, wasn't he? Spike was no good and it wasn't smart for Dawn to hang around him. He'd probably eventually hurt her in some way, too.

"Y'know, Spike, the fact that you don't want to tell me what happened tonight, and how Buffy wound up here, tells me that you're trying to hide your role in the whole thing."

"Well then, it's a bloody good thing I don't give a damn what you think." Spike grinned.

A few minutes went by without either of them saying a word.

Spike sat on the end of the bed, continuing to drink and waiting for Giles and Anya to come back. He was anxious to hear if Buffy actually made it home in one piece. If anything happened to her because of him... Hating himself more than he already did seemed impossible, but he was certain he'd drown in self-loathing if Buffy was hurt or killed on her way home. If that happened, it would be a relief for the git to stake him and put him out of his misery.

"Should've followed her... to make sure... staking would've been worth it," Spike mumbled to himself. "Shouldn't've let..."

Xander looked apprehensively at Spike and sat down in a big, orange chair, keeping a good hold on the stake in his hand (just in case). Spike seemed a little crazy -- the Drusilla kind of crazy. That could be a problem.

Spike looked at Xander, seeming to suddenly remember he wasn't alone. He sniffed and smiled. "Ain't this nice? We never get the chance to hang out, just us boys."

"If they come back and say you were lying... I don't think I need to tell you what will happen," Xander said seriously.

"No, please tell me. Don't make me beg." Spike laughed.

"I bet you'll be doing some begging when they come back."

Spike gave Xander the backwards peace sign. "Get stuffed."

"If you hurt her..."

Spike growled in frustration. "I'm not the one who hurt her! How many bloody times do I have to..." Then he went from angry to looking confused and sad. He looked away from Xander and mumbled, "I didn't hurt the girl... not physically..."

"Hunh? What's that mean -- 'not physically'?"

Spike just shook his head and waved off the question, unwilling to explain.

"It's true, isn't it? You're in love with Buffy, aren't you?"

Spike didn't respond. He picked at the label of the whiskey bottle in his hand.

"I laughed when she told me," Xander said. "I thought it was hysterical."

Spike slowly looked up at Xander, glaring at him.

"And then she came here to tell you that you didn't have a chance in hell of getting with her, and you couldn't handle it. You went nuts."

Spike rolled his eyes and took another drink. "Unlike Dru, you don't have psychic powers -- that's not even close to what happened. Give the soothsaying a rest, Kreskin, you don't know what the bloody hell you're talkin' 'bout."

"Well, you're not filling in the blanks, Spike, so I'm gonna draw my own conclusions. If it wasn't Buffy, then it was Dru who beat the crap out of you?"

"Several people took several swings at me tonight -- I don't know all their names, but none of them was named 'Buffy'." Spike sighed. "Women... they can break us so easily. Now, that Anya..." Spike took a drink, wagging his finger at Xander while he swallowed. "You got a right catch there, Harris. She's smart, strong, beautiful -- don't fuck up what you have with her."

"I didn't plan on it."

"We never plan on fucking things up, do we? No, it just... happens. We just go around bein' our daft selves and don't realize how wrong we are until it's too late..."

"Speak for yourself."

Spike stood up and started slowly pacing in front of the bed. "Oh, you've never bollixed up a good thing before? How 'bout when you lost Cordelia, nearly killed her, 'cos she caught you snogging Red?"

"That... That was your fault! If you hadn't kidnapped --"

Spike laughed. "Ah, I see I'm not the only one who tries blamin' everyone else but himself."

Xander frowned. "How the hell do you even know about that? You were already gone when Willow and I got caught."

"Got my sources." Dawn was the one who'd filled Spike in on a lot of Sunnydale goings on. Dawn had a big problem keeping information to herself, apparently. That was great in Spike's opinion, as long as the Bit didn't go around blabbing about his secrets and feelings to other people.

"Okay... maybe you weren't completely to blame for that..." Xander acquiesced. "I know I fucked that up. It was stupid, and... it turned out to be for nothing, anyway. Willow and I went back to being just friends."

"You're still not as bad as me. No one can beat me when it comes to the art of self-sabotage... I'm the bloody master!" Spike chuckled and swayed a bit on his feet.

"You still won't tell me what Dru did tonight?" Xander thought he might be able to get the truth out of Spike with a little gentle prodding since he seemed a bit more talkative.

"Why should I bother? Like you'd believe a word I said? The only reason you and I are havin' this nice chat is 'cos you're waiting for your chums to confirm if I was tellin' the truth about Buffy being home. I'm not gonna relive the hell I went through tonight just so you can not believe me about it. I won't waste my breath."

"You don't have to breathe."

Spike screwed up his face. "It's an expression, ya ponce!"

"Well, I'd rather hear your version of what happened tonight instead of listening to you ramble on about weird shit."

"I talk about what I want in my own bloody home," Spike said, gesturing with the bottle in his hand and spilling some of the whiskey. "You don't like it? Then bugger off!"

"If it turns out you're lying, we'll put the thumbscrews to you until you tell us where Buffy really is and what really happened. Maybe shove a stake into various parts of your body until you tell the truth for once in your miserable life."

Spike glanced at him, halfheartedly raising an eyebrow. "You go in for torture, do you? Have more in common with Angelus than you care to admit."

"I'm a peaceful guy until someone fucks with my friends. Then all bets are off."

"You wanna stake me? Go ahead," Spike said, spreading his arms out, tilting his head back, and thrusting his chest out.

Xander just stared at him for a few moments. "It's no fun if you actually want me to do it... Don't you want to wash the blood off yourself?" he asked. He was no stranger to cuts and bruises, but Spike being all bloody was disconcerting.

Spike shrugged. "I kinda like it. If the blood bothers you, you can always leave."

"That looked like an arrow wound on your back..."

"Yeah," Spike craned his neck, trying to see around his shoulder. "That was Harm. She wanted to kill me more than she wanted to kill Buffy, so that one counts more for me protecting myself. Oh... forgot I'm not tellin' you anything. Disregard what I said 'bout Harmony."

Spike looked down at his chest and set his hand over his heart. "This is the worst one... can't see it, but it's there." Then Spike said in a voice much softer and refined than normal, "'There's only a sucking chest wound where a heart once dwelled..." Then Spike laughed that crazy laugh again. "Nothin' can patch it up, it never heals -- it stays a gaping wound forever."

"O...kay..." Xander said slowly. It sounded as though Buffy had had a talk with Spike about his feelings for her. But Xander was now reluctant to pursue the matter; he was afraid Spike might come completely unhinged.

"I told her not to go alone, y'know? I told her walkin' home like that..." Tears shone in Spike's eyes. "She didn't want to stay... I just wanted to make sure she got home safe. You understand, don't you?" He looked at Xander.

"Yeah... sure, I understand. Hey, why don't you sit down? Whatever it is that happened... you obviously had a rough night." Xander didn't want to feel sorry for him -- after all, Spike could be in such bad shape because he'd tried hurting Buffy -- but he did feel kind of bad for Spike. Xander knew the pain of rejection all too well. What do you know, he did have something in common with Spike. Buffy had rejected him, too, all those years ago.

Spike nodded slowly. "Yeah... sitting. Sitting is good. Layin' down is even better. I'll be over here." He walked carefully over to the bed, looking as if he might fall over with every step. He climbed onto the bed and sighed when he was finally at rest on his side, facing away from Xander. "I'm gonna take a catnap... Don't bother wakin' me if you want to stake me... just bloody do it."

After a minute, Xander got out of the chair and went to the bed, checking to see if Spike was really asleep.

"Spike?"

Spike's eyes stayed closed and he didn't respond. Xander breathed a sigh of relief to see that Spike had fallen asleep or passed out.

---

Anya and Giles returned, walking back into the upper level of Spike's crypt.

"I told you we should've called Buffy's house to check in before going to Spike's place," Anya said. "But did you listen? Nooooo. Maybe next time something happens, everyone will listen to me. I have a unique insight into the human mind -- and the minds of demons too. And who voted to put Willow in charge before? I'm older and much more qualified to lead a group. Is she automatically next in line after you and Buffy? And if so, why?"

"Thank you for another rousing refrain of 'I told you so'. It's very constructive!" Giles' patience was worn thin from hearing her saying the same things all the way back from the payphone.

"I'm just saying that I was right -- about everything -- and no one gives me credit for having a brain."

"Yes, Anya, we will all pay careful attention to everything you say in the future. Oh, what a lucky man Xander is to have you as his helpmate."

She smiled. "Thank you, Giles! I..." Anya looked at him suspiciously. "Wait a minute... was that sarcasm? I don't like sarcasm, it's passive-aggressive."

"I'm just... very tired, Anya," Giles groaned, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now that we know Buffy is safe, all I want to do is go home and get a few hours of sleep before I have to open the shop. Would you go down there and collect Xander so we can leave?"

Anya went over to the trapdoor. She bent over and called down, "Xander, I hope you didn't dust Spike, because he was telling the truth -- Buffy is home, and he did help her."

Xander dashed to the ladder and looked up at her. "He was actually telling the truth? Did you talk to Buffy?"

"Giles talked to her mother. Buffy said Spike risked his own life to help her escape from Drusilla."

"Oh..." Xander glanced at Spike's sleeping form. "I can't help but feel kinda bad now for all the... threatening I did."

"You should." Anya nodded. "You were very rude to, and threatened to kill, the person who saved your friend's life."

Xander rolled his eyes. "You always know just what to say to make me feel better."

She smiled, then frowned. "What is it with you people and sarcasm?"

"Xander, please come up out of there so we can go home," Giles called tiredly.

Xander looked back at Spike, and then climbed up the ladder.

"You should have apologized to Spike for the way you treated him. You didn't stake him, did you?" Anya asked, trying to look past Xander into the lower level.

"No, he fell asleep or passed out. As far as apologizing goes... I'll buy him a beer or mug of blood, whatever."

The three of them left the crypt and headed to Giles' car.

"I think Spike lost his shit," Xander said, looking back at the crypt.

Giles sighed. "Ah, you Americans have such colorful phrases. He soiled himself?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "No, I mean, I think he went crazy. He said really weird things, and he kep

Buffy had been asleep for over a day straight when she finally woke up and stretched. She'd been in a deep, dreamless sleep; she couldn't remember any dreams she might have had. It was more like a brief coma than normal sleep; her body and mind really needed the rest.

It took a few moments for her sore muscles to start complaining, reminding her of the punishment her body had endured on that long, grueling night. But she was alive, she'd survived it.

Buffy sat up, turned, and put her feet on the floor. Her mind was still fuzzy, but the events following Drusilla kidnapping her flashed through Buffy's mind.

Spike. He'd saved her from Dru. Buffy remembered letting herself get very close to him. She closed her eyes and shivered, hugging herself. Spike had been so gentle and caring when they'd gotten back to his crypt... The feel of soft leather under her hands made her realize that she was still wearing Spike's coat, she'd slept in it. Buffy fingered the lapel and brought it to her nose, Spike's scent lingered on the supple leather.

And then Buffy remembered that shrine. She had let herself believe Spike could be a good man, she'd let herself feel things for him, she'd been stupid enough to think there might be a future for the two of them, she'd wanted him. But that shrine was proof Spike hadn't changed, he wasn't a man, he was still a monster.

She felt tears stinging her eyes, and shook her head. "No, I won't let it make me cry again. I won't. I won't even think about him. I'll just concentrate on recovering and then getting back to normal."

Buffy took off the coat and set it down on her bed... she'd decide what to do with it later. She walked over to her vanity table.

"God, I look like shit," Buffy muttered, looking at herself in the mirror. Though she didn't look as bad as she thought she would.

The cuts on her body were mostly healed over, but there were still dark marks on her skin where she'd been slashed; her eye was only a little bit swollen; her bottom lip was almost back to normal; the spots where Dru had clawed her face looked like only shallow scratches now, not slashes; her left hand felt a bit stiff, but it was much improved; and the bruising on her ribcage didn't look as bad. Buffy took the bandages off her wrists, and was pleased to see there'd been improvement there too. The quick healing thing was one of the best perks of Slayerdom.

Then her eyes wandered to the bite mark on her shoulder. It was mostly healed too, there were only two dark spots where Spike's fangs had plunged into her skin. She touched the bite lightly with her fingertips, seeing the events leading up to and following it flash behind her eyes.

'Don't try inventing a way to start blaming him for that. It wasn't his fault...' the little voice in her head told her. But Buffy wanted to hate Spike for biting her, she wanted to find every reason in the world for why she should hate him and continue hating him forever, or until he was dust, whichever came first.

"That was the real Spike who said those things to me... the one who hurt and bit me," Buffy countered her inner-voice's defense of Spike. "Everything else was... just a lie." The little voice only sighed sadly in response.

There was a light knocking at her bedroom door.

Buffy hurried to put on her fuzzy blue bathrobe and cinch it around her waist. "Come in."

Joyce entered the room and smiled. "Thank goodness you're awake! You've been asleep for almost two days."

"Two days?" Buffy blinked, wondering how she could have stayed asleep for such a long period of time. And why did she still feel like she could go back to sleep? She had a nagging feeling that she'd slept through something important...

Looking over at her puppies and kitties calendar on the wall, she groaned -- 'English Lit 10:00!' was written in red magic marker on today's date. "Damn... I had a class this morning."

"I'm sure they'll understand..." Joyce began.

Buffy hmmphed, interrupting her. "They don't care about excuses -- you writing a note to excuse me from missing school because I was kidnapped by a psychopath won't fly in college."

"Honey, you needed to sleep. But don't worry, Willow has your schedule and she said she'll get your assignments from your teachers while you're recuperating."

Buffy sighed, feeling slightly relieved. "That's good. Now I just have to find time to do the assignments." She put her hand on her stomach when it growled. "I guess being asleep for two days would explain why my stomach feels so empty."

"I'll fix you something to eat in a minute." Joyce walked over to her and held her arms out. "Can I hug you yet?"

Buffy smiled and nodded. "Lightly, though."

They hugged each other.

"I was so worried about you," Joyce said as she released Buffy from the hug.

"I'm sorry you had to worry..."

"It's okay. You had no control over any of that... unpleasantness. But you're home and you're on the road to recovery now -- that's what matters. How are you feeling?"

Buffy grimaced a little and shrugged. "Better, but I'm still really tired. Would it be weird if I ate something and then went back to sleep for a while? I think my Slayer healing ability requires more sleep to work its magic."

"Whatever you need to do to feel better, honey. Why don't you take a nice, relaxing bath while I make you something to eat?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Where's Dawn?"

"She's downstairs. Dawn's been very good about checking on you while you slept; she was worried about you, too. Willow and Tara said they did a healing spell for you while you were asleep. Do you think it helped?"

Buffy turned her attention inward, concentrating on how her body felt again. "I think it did help, yeah. I'll have to thank them next time I see them."

"I'll call the Magic Box and let everyone know you're doing well. But I'll tell them to hold off on coming to see you until you feel more rested."

"Thanks. I still don't really feel up to rehashing everything that happened with Dru yet... Is anything going on in town that I should know about?" Buffy asked. "And please, don't pretend nothing's going on if there really is just because you don't want me running out to slay a demon."

"Nothing important has happened -- that's the truth, I promise. You know what's strange, though? Spike hasn't been here yet. I expected to see him at the front door tonight as soon as the sun set."

"Oh... well, it's not too strange, really." Buffy swallowed nervously; she still wasn't ready to tell anyone what really happened between herself and Spike. "I told you he took a lot of punishment that night."

"Yes... but," Joyce started to say.

Dawn poked her head in the door. "Hi, is it okay if I come in?"

Buffy smiled at her sister and waved her into the room. "Hey, Dawnie."

The sisters gave each other a small hug.

"How're you feeling, Buffy Van Winkle?" Dawn asked.

"Huh?"

"Ya know, like Rip Van Winkle," Dawn explained. "The guy who slept for like a hundred years in that story."

"Oh okay, I get it now." Buffy rubbed her sleepy eyes. "I'm still groggy. Rip Van Winkle... isn't that Vanilla Ice's real name?"

"Yeah, you're still a little groggy," Dawn giggled.

The three of them laughed, happy that they were all together again.

"I'm doing better," Buffy sighed. "But I'm still really tired, and I've got some more healing to do."

"How about I make you Chicken n' Stars soup with some crackers on the side?" Joyce asked. That was something she'd made for Buffy many times when her daughter had felt under the weather.

"That'd be great, Mom. Thanks."

"Dawn, you want to help out by running a bath for your sister?" Joyce asked as she walked to the door.

"Run her a bath? What am I, her butler?" Dawn joked.

"Dawn..." Joyce said with an admonishing tone.

"Okay, geez... I was just being funny." Then Dawn tried doing an imitation of an English butler, "Very well, I'll draw Miss Buffy's bath."

"Hey, I like that idea," Buffy continued the joke. "You can be my little helper and attend to my every whim," she said, ruffling Dawn's hair.

Dawn giggled and ducked away from Buffy's hand.

Joyce stopped and smiled at her daughters before continuing on her way to the kitchen. It was good to have her family back together again.

"I've gotta put on some fresh clothes," Buffy said, going to her dresser. She started taking off her robe, then paused and looked at Dawn.

Dawn noticed Buffy's hesitation. "Are you feeling suddenly shy, or is it that you don't want me to see how beat up you are?" Dawn asked.

"It's a little of both. But I don't look nearly as bad as I did when I came home."

"I'll go fill up the bathtub." Dawn started out of the room, but then stopped and turned back around. "I'm really glad you're okay."

Buffy smiled. "Thanks."

Dawn wanted to say something, but she wasn't sure if she should bring it up. "Um... I don't want to give you a hard time right now 'cause you got tortured and stuff by a psycho, but I do want to talk to you about blabbing to Xander and telling him I have a crush on Spike. Did everyone have to know about it?"

Buffy sighed, her shoulders slumped. "Thanks a lot, Xander..." She looked apologetically at her little sister. "I'm sorry, Dawn, I was telling Xander about Spike crushing on me, and it just kind of slipped out that I thought you... kinda liked Spike. That's how our conversation about crushes and love started when I was walking you home from the crypt, remember?"

"Xander talked to me like I was retarded." Dawn did an extra whiny imitation of Xander, "Eww! How can you like hiiiim?!" Dawn pouted. "It was really embarrassing."

"Xander was totally jealous, that might be why he gave you an extra helping of condescension. Xander laughed about Spike possibly being in love with me, but he was upset when he heard you had a crush on Spike."

"Good." Dawn smirked.

"Would it help if I kicked Xander's ass for making you feel dumb?"

"It might. Please tell me you didn't tell Spike about my crush." Dawn gulped, looking at her big sister nervously.

"No... I don't think I did." Buffy honestly couldn't remember if she'd let that slip at any point during the evening.

"You don't think you did?" Dawn put her hands over her face. "Oh my God, I'll die of embarrassment if you told him! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again!"

"Dawn..." Buffy wasn't sure what to say -- Spike knew he wasn't allowed to talk to Dawn again, so her being embarrassed wasn't an issue. But Buffy didn't know how to tell her that without upsetting her even more.

"I just... never mind. You need to get all better first. We shouldn't talk about stuff like that right now," Dawn said. She managed a weak smile and then closed the bedroom door.

A minute later, Buffy heard the water being turned on in the bathroom.

---

Almost two hours later, Buffy was bathed, fed, and climbing back into bed. She'd also applied some healing balms that Tara and Willow were considerate enough to make for her and leave with her mom.

She'd put on a loose-fitting, pink nightgown (which felt better on her skin than her Yummy Sushi pajamas she'd originally put on). She felt very relaxed and comfortable, and ready for at least a few more hours of sleep.

Before Buffy slid under the covers, she saw that Spike's coat was still on her bed. She picked up the coat and hugged it to her chest for a few moments.

"Why'd you have to ruin everything, Spike?" Buffy asked sadly. She closed her eyes as pleasant moments spent with Spike ran through her mind: Spike smiling at her, his eyes warm and loving; the joking and laughs they'd shared after all the torment they'd faced that night; Spike being so sweet and attentive when he cleaned and bandaged her wounds; Spike's mouth on hers, her tongue joining his in a gentle duel; Spike's hands and tongue stroking her body, making her desire for him grow with every touch.

She sighed and shook her head. "Don't think about him. It's over. I won't feel anything for Spike ever again."

Buffy went to her closet and hung up the coat, she didn't want to have to look at it. As she made her way back to her bed, she wondered what she'd do with Spike's favorite garment. The thought of giving it back to him rankled her anti-Spike side -- it told her that the coat should be destroyed, like Spike had destroyed her trust and feelings for him. After all, he'd taken the coat off the body of a Slayer he'd killed, so he had no right to wear it, anyway. But the other voice (which she was coming to actively dislike) told her that Spike deserved to have it back -- no matter what else had happened, Spike had done everything he could to protect Buffy and risked his life to save her.

"Shut up, stupid little voice," Buffy growled and turned off the bedside lamp.

A thought ran through her mind, 'I wonder if Spike's okay? He doesn't have anyone to take care of him. What if Harmony, or loony tunes Dru, came back?'

She squeezed her eyes closed. "Don't think about him anymore... Don't feel sorry for him. He's out of my life forever." Buffy vowed again to herself to push any thoughts of Spike right out of her head.

Buffy's subconscious mind, however, had other ideas...


Buffy's Dream


Buffy walked into her house through the front door. No one else seemed to be home.

She looked down at her body and noticed that she was wearing the pink nightgown she'd fallen asleep in -- with Spike's coat over top, and she was barefoot. "Why was I wearing this outside?" Buffy wondered, frowning.

Buffy looked in the living room. Colorful helium balloons, with a black crow stamped on each of them, covered the ceiling. There were at least thirty tabby cats meowing, some milling around and some just laying on the floor and furniture; two adult lions, one male and one female, were sitting serenely together on the couch amidst the smaller cats.

The lioness looked at Buffy. Buffy got a feeling of familiarity when she looked into the female's big, green eyes, like she knew the lion personally. Lions didn't usually have green eyes, did they? Buffy wasn't afraid of what the wild animals might do, she trusted them. The lioness emitted a little growl, as if to say 'hello', before resting her head on the male's back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Buffy said and waved to the lions. Then she shrugged and went upstairs to her bedroom. "I'll feed the cats later, I need to go to sleep while it's still dark outside."

She shut the door and went to her closet, starting to take off Spike's leather duster. "Why am I wearing this thing again? Stupid coat and its stupid vampire owner..."

"I was wonderin' when you'd get here," Spike's voice sounded from across the room.

Buffy gasped and spun around. "Spike!?"

Spike was lying on her bed on his side, propping his head up with his hand and holding a red rose between his teeth. Red rose petals were scattered over the bed and the floor surrounding it. Spike was shirtless, his lower body was hidden by a black silk sheet. His injuries must have healed because there wasn't a scratch on him. Not a scratch on his perfect... chiseled body.

Buffy stared at him with wide eyes, not able to say anything for a moment. "What are you doing in here?! Get out!" She was infuriated that he dared come back to her bedroom after the warning she'd given him. The fact that her inner-voice whispered, 'Oh God, he's so fucking hot! I wonder if he's naked...' pissed her off even more.

"Are you... naked under there?" she asked curiously, her eyes going to the sheet-covered portion of his body. Buffy shook her head to clear it, then refocused on her anger. "If you're naked in my bed I'll... I'll --" she spluttered.

"Join me?" Spike asked as he took the rose out of his mouth, arching an eyebrow and smirking.

"Kill you!" Buffy finished. "Get out of my bed, and then get the hell out of my house!"

Her eyes widened further when he slid out from under the covers -- part of her was secretly hoping he'd be naked. But he was wearing black jeans. "You're sick, you know that?! And incredibly stupid! I warned you about coming here again!"

Spike put an index finger to his lips. "Shhh."

Buffy growled. "It's MY bedroom -- I'll yell if I want to!"

"You don't wanna wake them, do you?" Spike pointed to a birdcage hanging from the ceiling, which contained two sleeping doves, one white and one black. The birds were huddled together on the perch, sleeping peacefully. "They just drifted off a few minutes ago."

"Oh... no, I don't want to wake them up... But I wouldn't have to yell if you weren't here -- it's your fault for being here!" Buffy insisted, trying to keep her voice low.

She stormed over to her bed and looked under and around the bed, checking to see if Spike had done anything to it. She shook the rose petals off of the top cover. "You're sick!"

"You already said that, luv."

"Yeah, well it bears repeating -- and don't call me 'luv'! I swear to God, if you don't leave by the count of five, I'll dust you!"

Spike looked unconcerned. He smiled and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans. "No you won't, luv."

"I SO will!" Buffy picked a stake up from her nightstand and held it in the air. "One! Two!"

Spike still looked unworried, he still had that infuriating smirk on his face. "You won't do it."

Buffy made a frustrated sound and threw the stake on the floor. "I hate you!"

"Then why can't you do it?" Spike asked.

"Because... I won't kill a defenseless, pathetic creature, that's why -- it would be like killing a kitten," Buffy responded, raising her nose in the air and walking to her bedroom door. She angrily yanked the door open and turned to Spike. "Get out!"

Spike sauntered toward her. "I don't think you want me to leave, pet."

"I can see how you might misinterpret me saying the words 'get out' repeatedly," Buffy said acerbically. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Were you going through my stuff again? Did you steal more things for your crazy stalker-shrine?"

"Wanna frisk me?" Spike asked, holding his arms out to the sides and then poking his tongue out.

"No! I don't want to touch you!"

Spike turned, put his palms flat on the wall and widened his stance, assuming the frisking position. "Make sure you're thorough when you pat me down -- I'm cunning, I try hiding things in areas I think you won't look."

"Stop it!" Buffy shoved his shoulder, making him stumble sideways.

Spike regained his balance and smiled at her again. "C'mon, Slayer. Was the shrine really all that bad? I only took things I didn't think you'd miss. S'not like I nicked your nitro pills."

"Whether or not you stole things that wouldn't be missed right away isn't the point! And, FYI, I did miss my blue sweater, you freak!"

"People have done a lot worse to you than worship you, and you forgave them."

"I don't want to be worshipped!"

Spike half-shrugged. "And I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic, but we all have our crosses to bear."

Buffy closed her eyes, groaned, and massaged her temples.

"Does what I did, with the pictures and items I nicked... Does that really cancel out the other good things I did?" Spike asked softly.

"N-no... but..." When she looked up, Spike was standing right in front of her, staring into her eyes.

"You wanted a reason to go back to hating me."

"That's not true... why would I want that?" Buffy asked uncertainly. Something about that rang sort of true...

"'Cos there was still that part of you that couldn't accept me. That part of you didn't want to feel anything for me, it didn't want to care or want me. Being my girl would be too messy, too complicated. And explaining to your friends that you had feelings for me? I know you weren't lookin' forward to that."

Buffy rolled her eyes and pushed him out of her way, she walked to her window and looked out on the dark, deserted street. "That's... crazy. You're crazy -- all those years with Dru obviously rubbed off on you. And I'll never be your girl!"

"Is it really that farfetched, Slayer?"

"Yes. And we don't have to worry about any consequences from me having feelings for you -- you killed any feelings or desire I had for you."

"Talk to me, Buffy."

"I am talking to you -- unfortunately. I just want you to go away."

"No, talk to the real me, not the Spike here in your dream."

"Oh right... this is a dream..." Buffy frowned, not having realized that this had to be a dream until he mentioned it. The living room full of cats and lions should've been a huge tip-off.

"You owe me the right to explain myself, why I did what I did... to try an' make things right between us again," Spike explained.

"I don't owe you anything." She turned back from the window and gave him her coldest, most uncaring look. "Nothing could ever make us 'right' again. We were never 'right' -- in fact, there was never an 'us' to be right!"

Spike smiled. "I know you don't mean that."

"Arrrg! You're impossible to talk to!" Buffy raked her fingers back through her hair, at her wit's end. "Get the hell out of here before I really do stake you, dammit!"

A song started playing from an unseen source.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link (and a bonus - it's a Spuffy fan vid :D ):

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak

}}

Buffy looked up and around the room, searching for a speaker, but there wasn't one. "Where's that music coming from?"

"From your heart," Spike said simply.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "God, you're so cheesy... You're that rare combination of cheesy and psychotic." She felt herself start to falter and getting a little swoony. It was harder than she thought it would be to hate Spike, to keep herself from wanting him. When he looked at her, like he was looking at her right now, his blue eyes smoldering with desire, she felt the urge to just surrender to him -- to let him take her in his arms and hold her, and then he could just take her. The song wasn't helping either, 'Wicked Game' was one of her favorite sexy songs, it always put her in the mood.

The world was on fire
No one could save me but you
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

Buffy gathered what remained of her resolve. "Why are you still here? Go away!"

"You don't want me to go," Spike said confidently.

"I told you a million times -- I don't want you here!" Buffy maintained.

Spike gave her a rapacious grin and stalked closer to her. "I think you do."

"I don't!" Buffy stepped backwards until she bumped into the wall. "Don't tell me I don't really mean what I know I mean!"

Spike stopped when he was only inches away from her. He put his hands up on the wall on either side of her shoulders, trapping her. "Ah, your lips say no, but your eyes say..." He searched her eyes for a moment. "Alright, the eyes say no, too. But that's not what you really want, Slayer, and you know it."

"Wrong, bleach brain!"

"You have absolutely no desire for me?" Spike asked, his voice deep and silky.

"None." Buffy did her best to convince him (and herself) that was true.

"Okay, I'll go. And I'll never darken your doorstep again." He dropped his eyes to the floor, looking resigned.

"Good!"

He met her gaze again, and Buffy knew she was in trouble by the devilishly sexy look on his face. "But only if you let me kiss you first," he added, raising and lowering his eyebrows. "Gotta get wanting to kiss you outta my system."

"No way in hell is that happening, bub! Just the thought of kissing you..." her eyes strayed to his luscious lips for a moment, "makes me want to puke!" Buffy unconsciously moistened her lips to prepare them for kissing. "I hate your guts!"

Spike smirked and slowly shook his head. "No, you don't."

No, I don't wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you
With you

Spike's eyes bored into hers, smoldering with lust. "I love you, Buffy. And you care for me, too. You want me in your life, you want to work it out. Admit it."

"That's it! I've had enough of your bullshit!" Buffy tried to punch him, but he caught her wrist easily and raised it over her head. He took her other wrist and held both her arms up over her head and against the wall. His blue eyes were blazing with a passion that took Buffy's breath away. She lamely struggled in his grasp -- not trying nearly as hard to get away as she thought she should.

"Now, about that kiss..." Spike drawled.

Buffy's eyes were hooded with desire, her chest heaved with excitement. And yet, she still tried to convince herself that she wanted nothing to do with him. "Just do it... Do it and get out of here. It'll be worth it if it means you'll be out of my life after it's over."

Spike leaned in slowly, brushing their lips together, driving Buffy mad with anticipation. And then his mouth covered hers, starting a slow, sensuous kiss. Buffy felt like she could melt into a puddle of goo (how someone whose body was room temperature could make her feel so hot, she didn't know) but she had to end it before he got her any hotter and pretending she didn't want him as much as he wanted her became impossible.

But then the kiss turned more demanding, more passionate. Buffy tried to pretend she hated it, she tried telling herself she was just kissing Spike so he would leave, and not because she was burning for him. She couldn't want him... because that would be wrong.

What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make me dream of you

Spike finally broke the kiss, leaving Buffy out of breath. When she opened her eyes, she did her best to look at him coldly and seem unaffected.

"There... you had your lame-ass kiss -- now, let go of me and get out of my house!" Buffy huffed.

Spike released his grip on her wrists, and ran his hands slowly down her arms, but he gave no indication that he was satisfied quite yet.

Buffy thought about shoving him away or hitting him, but his eyes... those twin blue pools of intensity, kept her pinned to the wall and immobile, rendering her capable of only staring back at him.

"You can't tell me you don't want me, pet." Spike's hands moved down over her sides to her hips. "I know it..." His hand moved inward from her hip. "I can smell it."

Spike's hand moving over her mound made Buffy gasp. Much to her dismay, she was feeling a bit squishy in the panties from that kiss. She pushed his shoulders, though not hard enough to send him more than one step back from her. "Don't ever touch me again! You're sickening! I don't want you!"

"You can't fool me, luv. If I couldn't smell it, then I could bloody well feel it -- you're gettin' wet for me, I felt it through this flimsy nightgown." Spike raised his fingers to his nose, and plucked at the front of her nightgown with his other hand.

"Ugh! You're such a pig!" Buffy slapped him across the face.

Spike turned his face back to her, just looking silently and intensely into her eyes.

Suddenly overcome by desire, Buffy growled, took his face in her hands and crushed her lips to his. Spike's hands were immediately back on her body, roaming and groping. Buffy slid a hand down his chest to the growing lump in his jeans, Spike moaned into her mouth when she gave his package a lusty squeeze.

Buffy gasped with sinful delight when Spike ripped her nightgown off. Her body was on fire, she needed him like she'd never needed any other man.

And I wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you

Spike moved his mouth down over her throat. Buffy closed her eyes and tilted her head back as he roughly kissed her neck, and then moved down to nibble and suck at her breasts. "God, I hate you!" she panted, running her hands over his chest and shoulders. She hated him for making her want him like this, and she hated herself for being so weak and needing him -- needing his body, his mouth, his hands, his...

Buffy's hands flew to his belt, frantically unbuckling it. More savage kisses were shared as she worked to free his cock and Spike planted his hand between her legs, rubbing and fingering her through her thin, white panties.

Spike put his free hand over hers at his belt, and pulled back to look at her. Buffy blinked at him, confused as to why he'd stopped her. If he changed his mind and tried to leave now, she'd kick his ass.

The tip of his tongue poked out. "I'm feelin' peckish. Think I'll have me a nummy treat."

Buffy didn't know what he meant at first -- was he saying he was going to bite her again?

Their eyes stayed locked as Spike sank to his knees. Buffy wanted to be a good Slayer and object, she shouldn't yearn for this twisted, sick vampire to do sinful things to her. The Slayer part of her psyche told her to yell at him, to beat him within an inch of his unlife, to demand he leave. But she couldn't form any words. Her body thrummed with excitement and seemed to have a mind of its own, not needing any conscious commands from her brain to know what she really wanted. Her right leg flung itself over Spike's shoulder, and she braced herself with her arms against the wall, silently giving him permission to do as he liked.

Spike ripped her panties off and had his face buried in her pussy within seconds.

Buffy gasped and threw her head back, banging it against the wall. "Ohh God! I hate you!" She grasped at the sides of his head and tugged on his hair as he devoured her with a beautiful kind of hunger. Buffy didn't want him to leave, she wanted him to do this to her forever. She desired Spike, she couldn't fight it or deny it -- especially not now with his agile tongue sweeping over and probing her sex.

Spike paused and looked up at her face. "You really want me to stop, pet?"
"Don't you dare!" Buffy growled, pushing his face back against her. She could tell it wouldn't take a lot to make her explode. She needed to feel his cock inside her when she came. "God, I need you, Spike! Fuck me now!" Buffy cried, pulling his hair more urgently.

The doves in the cage were flapping their wings and making noise; they weren't happy about Buffy's shouts waking them up from a sound sleep. Buffy and Spike didn't notice the birds complaining though, they were too wrapped up in each other to notice anything else.

Spike pulled back and smiled up at Buffy, licking his lips greedily. "As you wish." He grabbed her around the waist and brought her swiftly down to the floor with him.

Spike plastered his mouth over hers, their tongues thrust into the other's mouth as Spike pushed her onto her back on the floor. Buffy's hands went to the front of his jeans again, pulling the zipper down. She used her feet to push his jeans down his thighs, and then wrapped her legs around his waist. Spike quickly positioned himself at her opening and thrust in to the hilt.

Buffy gasped and then moaned loudly, her back arched as Spike's cock filled her. "Ohhhh! Fuck yes!" She panted, scratching and clutching at his back as he began fucking her like a man possessed.

"Ahh Buffy!" Spike groaned, burying his face in her hair, his hips pistoning against her.

"Uhhhaa! Ohhhh God! Yes, Spike! Fuck me, baby! Fuck me harder!" Buffy howled.

---

Buffy jolted awake, her mouth was dry from all the heavy breathing she'd been doing in her sleep. The dream had been so real and vivid... she half-expected to see Spike next to her in bed. But it was just her in the room -- no Spike, and no doves in a cage. And her nightgown was intact; her breathing hitched and her eyes closed in bliss as she remembered Spike ripping it roughly off her body.

Her eyes opened wide. "Oh my God... I'm having sex dreams about Spike? Very, very hot sex dreams..." She heard the last thing she'd screamed in the dream echoing in her head. "Since when do I wail and talk like a whore in my dreams?" That was the only dream she'd ever had where she'd behaved that way. Buffy was usually quiet during sex in real-life too, she'd just never had the compulsion to scream with pleasure or talk dirty. Dream Spike brought out the dirty porn star in her, apparently.

Buffy's heart was still beating wildly, tingles still raced through her body.

Shaken, Buffy got out of bed and padded her way to the bathroom to get a drink of cold water. She quickly drank a few small cupfuls and splashed a bit on her face, then sighed and looked up into the mirror on the medicine cabinet.

How could she still desire Spike, even subconsciously, after what he'd done?

"I'm having dreams, with... erotic elements, about Spike -- so what?" Buffy said to her reflection. "That doesn't mean anything... except that I'm deeply disturbed."

It wasn't crazy enough that Dream Spike had broken down her defenses, gone down on her, and then fucked her like a jackrabbit (and that she'd been ready to pop when the damn dream ended abruptly, leaving her desperate for release), but some of the things Dream Spike said resonated with her too.

The shrine was a bad thing -- no argument there -- but was it really that bad? Was it such a horrible, unforgivable offense? And wasn't it true that she did owe Spike a chance to at least explain himself? Spike had saved her life in that mansion, she shouldn't just dismiss the fact that he had been willing to lay down his life to save hers. Didn't he deserve a chance to make amends somehow? Spike had seemed so sincere when he said he didn't mean to hurt her by creating the shrine. Maybe he was just extremely desperate and misguided, and he didn't know what else to do to sate his unrequited love for her. Even normal humans could be driven to do foolish things if they were in love with someone who hated them in return. A line from the song recurred to her: Strange what desire will make foolish people do.

Buffy shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "No. Don't cave in, dammit! He was wrong. Sick, twisted, and wrong. I'm not the bad guy here..."

She went back to her bedroom and crawled under the covers.

Buffy tossed and turned and squirmed, still worked up from the dream. She was so damn horny she couldn't stand it! She was angry and disappointed with herself for it, but she'd give anything to have Spike lying in bed with her right now... he would take care of her little problem. He'd be happy to take care of it.

It wasn't just the real-life licking and soft kisses she recalled very fondly, she remembered how good it felt just to have Spike's arms around her. And he had the most adorable boyish grin she'd ever seen. It was strange that a soulless creature of the night like Spike could look so... sweet.

Evidently, she couldn't go back into total denial mode when it came to being attracted to and wanting Spike; she'd let the genie out of the bottle, and it refused to go back in -- it was like trying to pour rain back into a cloud.

Needing to get some kind of satisfaction, Buffy rolled over and got her "lady's personal massager" out of her nightstand. She turned on the clock radio at a low volume to have something that would (hopefully) help disguise the buzzing noise from the other occupants of the house.

Buffy knew very well who she was going to be imagining was doing naughty things to her. "It doesn't mean anything," she told herself, breathing a bit more heavily as she moved the 'massager' under the covers. "Spike gets me hot -- so what? I just need some relief, then I'll never think about him again..."

The little voice in her head scoffed and snickered, recognizing what a complete lie that was.

---

It only took a minute for Buffy to find that temporary satisfaction she'd been desperate for (Fantasy Spike, as well as Dream Spike, was a helluva lover), and then she was able to fall asleep with a little smile on her face.


Buffy's Dream, Part Deux


Buffy found herself (fully dressed this time) on her usual nighttime patrol, she was coming up on the gates of Restfield Cemetery. What was unusual about it was another, identical, Buffy was walking next to her.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked her twin. "Why are there two of me?"

Buffy #2 shrugged. "You can always use more help on patrol, right? And who can you count on more than yourself?"

Buffy shrugged and nodded, and they continued walking down the sidewalk.

"I can't believe you got yourself off thinking about him," Buffy #2 said, shaking her head. "Dreams, you can't control -- but you thought about him doing stuff to you while you were awake and pleasuring yourself. Gross much?"

Buffy fidgeted. "Shut up. No matter what else Spike is, he's a hottie."

"You're so damn weak, it makes me sick! You're actually thinking about forgiving Spike. You're thinking about doing a whole lot more than just forgiving him. He's a psycho! He doesn't have a soul, and all he'll do is cause you endless pain if you let him in again!" Buffy #2 asserted.

Buffy groaned and rolled her eyes heavenward. "Oh, this is just what I needed -- getting hassled by my evil twin in a dream. Give me a frickin' break, will ya?!"

"No, I won't. I won't let you crumble because you're horny and you want to get laid!"

Buffy stopped and whirled on her twin. "That is NOT what it's about!"

"Yeah? Then how come you only started thinking about forgiving him after that dream?" #2 asked smugly.

"Because..." Buffy sighed. "Look, I do... want him, that's a part of it. But I saw how much Spike loved me at that mansion -- he fought like a lion to save my life. Oh hey, you think that's why there was a lion in my other dream? The lions represented --"

Buffy #2 snorted a laugh, ignoring Buffy's dream speculation. "Spike only saved you because he's obsessed with you. It wouldn't've been good for his fragile mind if the object of his obsession was killed. That's all it was."

Buffy shook her head. "No... it was more than that. I saw the look in his eyes, I heard the sincerity in his voice, and I felt it in his touch." Tears built up in Buffy's eyes, she could see the truth now. Spike really did love her, it hadn't been a pack of lies, and it wasn't just obsession. She had gone temporarily loco in the cabeza when she saw that shrine, it had seemed to confirm all her worst fears about him and his love for her, and Buffy hadn't been in a good enough place mentally to wrap her mind around it at the time.

Did Spike deserve an ass kicking for stealing her stuff? Yes. Did Spike deserve to have her treat him like dirt and excise him from her life after all he'd done to save her? Maybe not.

Buffy #2 grabbed Buffy's shoulders and shook her violently. "Don't you go soft on me, Slayer! Spike is bad, he's evil -- he's a monster!"

Buffy knocked her evil (and getting eviler and more irritating by the minute) twin's hands off of her. "I don't care if you do look exactly like me, touch me again and I'm knocking you on your ass!"

"I don't just look like you, I am you, you idiot," Buffy #2 said, rolling her eyes. "I'm the smart part of you -- I don't get out much, obviously."

"Ha-ha," Buffy said flatly with a twist to her lips. She frowned when she noticed a bunch of cats milling around ahead of them. "Are those the same cats from my other dream?"

"Evenin', Slayers. Out for an evening stroll, are we?" They looked up to see Spike sitting on the wall of the cemetery, his legs dangling over the side. He was holding and idly strumming a red guitar on his lap. He tipped an imaginary cap to them. "Am I dreamin'? 'Cos I had a real doozy once involving two Buffys. Would you ladies care to go back to my crypt? I could show you my etchings." He smirked.

"You're a pig, Spike!" Buffy #2 spat. She grabbed Buffy's arm and walked briskly away from Spike. "We want nothing to do with you, creep!"

Buffy felt weak when it came to her twin, it was hard to say no to her, as if the other part of her that the twin represented was stronger. She let herself be pulled away, looking back at Spike regretfully.

Spike smiled and waved. "Drop by anytime!" Then he addressed the herd of cats gathered below him, "I'd like to dedicate my next number to a girl who's got me by the short an' curlies. She knows who she is."

The cats meowed louder, seeming to sing along, as Spike started playing the guitar and singing soulfully.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

You Really Got A Hold On Me - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles

}}

"I don't like you, but I love you
Seems that I'm always thinkin' of you
Tho' oh, oh
You treat me badly
I love you madly

You really got a hold on me
You really got a hold on me
Baby"

Buffy smiled a little, surprised that Spike had such a good singing voice. She could easily imagine girls going crazy for him if he joined a band and performed at the Bronze. And she discovered she didn't like the thought of groupie bimbos throwing themselves at Spike. "I didn't know Spike could sing."

"He sucks -- he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!" Buffy #2 growled, continuing to pull Buffy along with her around a corner and out of view of Spike.

Though she couldn't see him, Buffy could still hear Spike singing. She could understand why he chose this song (or rather, why her subconscious chose it), it described them very well.

"I don't want you, but I need you
Don't wanna kiss you, but I need to
Tho' oh, oh
You do me wrong now
My love is strong now

You really got a hold on me
You really got a hold on me"

"I need to go back there and talk to him. Let go!" Buffy pulled her arm out of #2's grip. It took an effort to defy her twin, but Buffy felt strongly about talking to Spike.

Buffy #2 glared at her. "I'm not letting that happen. You're going to stay away from him from now on."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Well, I guess you'd have no choice if Spike's only a big pile o' dust. I'll just have to take care of that."

Buffy stood toe-to-toe with her doppelganger. "You'd better keep your mitts off him. I won't let you hurt him."

"Baby, I love you
And all I want you to do is just
Hold me, hold me, hold me
Tighter"

Buffy #2 put her hands on her hips. "It's a damn good thing I'm in charge of us again. I can see the big picture; I do what needs to be done. You, on the other hand, are a flighty little bimbo. An evil vamp -- who's tried to kill you and your friends on several occasions -- utters a few frilly words to you, and you're ready to spread your legs. Disgusting!"

"I told you it's not just about sex! And Spike has changed. I'm not saying he doesn't need to... work on certain things -- like knowing that stealing is bad -- but he's on the right path, and I want to help him stay on that path."

Buffy #2 held up her hand and rolled her eyes. "Oh please! You're deluding yourself."

"I wanna leave you, don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Tho' oh, oh
I wanna split now
I can't quit now

You really got a hold on me
You really got a hold on me"

Buffy looked back in the direction she'd come as Spike finished his song. "I'm going to talk to him, I don't care if you approve or not."

The quarrelling Buffys stopped their argument when a bald man wearing glasses and a brown suit appeared next to them. He held out a silver tray covered with slices of cheese. The Buffys frowned in confusion and looked at each other.

"Nothing says 'welcome' like a cheese platter. Remember that for your next party or get-together," the man said, and then walked away. He turned the corner and disappeared from view.

"That was the cheese guy from that dream I had about the first Slayer," Buffy said. "Hey, cheese guy, wait!" she called after him. "What are you supposed to represent?!"

Buffy ran around the corner, only to find herself in a new place. The room was dark except for slivers of light cast by a glittery disco ball on the ceiling. But she could see well enough to recognize it, she was back in the mansion on Crawford Street. The room was still set up for Dru's party, she could make out some of the balloons and streamers in the dim light.

"No... uh-uh, I don't want to be here again..." Buffy said nervously, backing up until she bumped into the other Buffy.

"Don't worry," Buffy #2 moved past her, undaunted, further into the room, "you're not in danger this time."

The lights came up, Buffy blinked against the sudden brightness. When her eyes adjusted, she saw that the room looked as it had when Spike had first gotten to the mansion with Dru. Then she was distressed to see Spike chained up in the same archway where she'd been bound. His head was bowed at first, but then he slowly raised his head to look at her. He seemed to have the same injuries Buffy had suffered at Dru's hands: his eye and lip were swollen, there were twin slashes on both of his cheeks, he had a picture carved into his stomach, his sides were bruised, and blood ran down his arms from the shackles cutting into his wrists.

Buffy #2 strode over to Spike and smiled icily. "Well, how sexy does he look now, Buffy? Still want to jump his bones?"

Buffy rushed to them. "Spike, are you okay?!"

"Yeah... never felt better," Spike groaned, trying to smile. "I've got 'er just where I want 'er now..."

Buffy tried to control her temper and turned to her doppelganger. "Did you do this to him?"

#2 shrugged. "And what if I did? He deserves a lot more than just getting the crap beaten out of him. It's just a little payback for all the evil things he's done."

"Buffy," Spike whispered.

Buffy looked at him, her heart ached at seeing him so weak and beaten. She had to free him -- not just because it was wrong to do this to anyone, but also because it hurt her heart to see him like this; she had big feelings for Spike, it was undeniable. She thought this is how Spike must have felt when he saw what Dru had done to her; it was like a knife to her heart.

"Please... don't let her do this to me," Spike said faintly, his eyes pleading with her.

"I didn't give you permission to speak, scumbag!" Buffy #2 growled and punched him hard in the face. Spike grunted on impact, his head whipped violently to the side.

Buffy shoved her twin away. "Leave him alone! What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop hurting him!"

Buffy #2 crossed her arms. "Why should I stop until he's a pile of dust? 'Once he starts something, he doesn't stop until everything in his path is dead.' Does that sound vaguely familiar to you? So, give me one good reason why I should stop!"

"Because..." Buffy swallowed and blinked back tears. She couldn't say she was in love with him -- not yet -- but she was in the process of falling for him. "Spike can be a good man, he's changed. He turned a corner that night at the mansion -- I believe in him."

Spike turned his battered face to her and smiled slightly, tears shone in his eyes. "I can, Buffy. I can do it if you believe in me."

Buffy #2 rolled her eyes and groaned. "And if all the kiddies in the audience clap their hands real hard, Tinkerbell will come back to life!" she said with mock excitement. She laughed and shook her head. "God, so damn naive. You're a soulless piece of shit, Spike. You'll never change; you're not capable of doing anything good. She might be stupid enough to believe your lies, but I'm not."

"Take those cuffs off of him -- now!" Buffy firmly told her doppelganger.

Buffy #2 smiled smugly. "No."

"Alright, then I'll do it. Where's the key to his cuffs? Hand it over," Buffy demanded, holding her hand out. She hoped she wouldn't have to reach down her twin's shirt for the key if it was hidden in the same place Dru had kept it.

"He's not going anywhere -- in solid form, anyway. He'll be more of a dusty consistency -- like finely sifted bakers flour, when I'm done. Hmm... I wonder if you can bake cookies with that..."

"Give me the damn key!" Buffy repeated. "I won't ask again."

"You want the key that bad? Why, it's right over there." Buffy #2 pointed to the far wall, near the table with the punchbowl. "You can go ahead and take it if you want to."

Buffy could see a shiny, silver key on a hook next to the buffet table. She looked at her twin suspiciously. "And you'll just let me unchain him without interfering, huh?"

"If you feel you really need to, go on and do it. But I refuse to unchain him myself." She re-crossed her arms and looked away arrogantly.

Buffy set her hand lightly on Spike's shoulder. "I'll get you out of here, Spike."

He closed his eyes and nodded. Buffy recognized the look of relief on his face, that's how she'd felt when she'd realized that Spike was actually going to help her escape Dru's evil clutches.

Buffy ran to get the key. As she was taking the key off the hook, Spike yelled her name, sounding panicked.

She spun around and saw her twin raising a stake in the air. Buffy sprinted, running as fast as she could, toward them. She didn't think she'd get there in time. Buffy felt the same urgency she would if this all weren't just a weird dream: her pulse raced, her heart beat rapidly, she felt the same sense of panic and dread she would at the thought of anyone she cared deeply for being in grave danger. The weakness she'd felt when defying her twin earlier in the dream had faded markedly since this new 'scene' had begun, Buffy was feeling stronger and more confident -- she was now the stronger, more dominant of the two.

Buffy didn't know she could move as fast as she did, she mused that she would've looked like a blur to anyone watching -- like the Roadrunner when he left Wyle E. Coyote in the dust. She caught Buffy #2's arm just before the stake made contact with Spike's chest, then threw her away from him.

Buffy #2 barely kept from losing her footing and sprawling on the floor. She glared at Buffy. "I'm only trying to do what's best for you, you idiot! You'll thank me later!" She walked determinedly back toward Spike, raising the stake again.

Buffy stood in front of Spike to protect him from another attack. "Get away from him, you bitch!" She punched her evil twin in the face.

Buffy #2 grit her teeth and swung high at her. Buffy ducked under the swing and kneed #2 in the stomach, then followed with an uppercut.

This time Buffy #2 did go sprawling backwards onto the floor. Buffy got ready to fight again, but her twin's body began turning transparent, until Buffy #2 completely vanished.

Buffy sighed with relief. "Good. One Buffy in the world is enough. I never knew I could be such a huge bitch."

"That was a good Ripley imitation, luv."

"Huh? Oh, the 'get away from him, you bitch' thing? Well, that is one of my favorite movie lines, it just occurred to me in the moment." Buffy had kept her fingers curled around the key while fighting with her other, less pleasant self. She opened her hand to show Spike the key. "Ready to get out of here?"

"You actually saved me..." Spike said with a little smile, looking at her with love and a bit of disbelief in his eyes.

"Of course I did," Buffy replied as she unlocked the cuffs.

Spike started to fall once she'd freed him, Buffy caught him, putting her arms around him and holding him close. "You'll be okay now."

Spike smiled and held onto her shoulders. "You're my hero."

"Sorry my evil doppelganger hurt and then tried to stake you."

"We can't help what our evil doppelgangers choose to do. You... really care for me?" Spike asked.

Buffy nodded. "I do."

"Does that mean you forgive me for all the... unwholesome things I did?"

"Unwholesome... that's a word for it." Buffy snorted and smiled. "You'll have to show me you're still serious about changing your ways... but yes, I can forgive you. If it wouldn't hurt your lip, I'd kiss you right now."

Spike smiled wider. "Sod the lip, it'll be worth it." He didn't hesitate to press his lips to hers.

They smiled against each other's lips as they kissed. They broke the kiss and looked around when 'Up Where We Belong' started playing out of the blue.

Spike looked at Buffy and raised an eyebrow. "Interesting outfit, luv. I've imagined you in lots of different getups, but that's a new one."

Buffy looked down at herself and saw that she was wearing the white Navy dress uniform this time. She laughed, reaching up to touch the cap on her head. "Well, I guess all that's left is for me to carry you out of here in my arms as the music rises."

"Might be better for my pride if I walk, or hobble, out with your assistance. I will take the hat though." Spike took the cap off her head and put it on, cocking it to the side.

"Very dashing." Buffy chuckled.

They put an arm around each other, and Buffy helped Spike walk out the front door of the mansion.

"I love you, Buffy," Spike said, turning his head to kiss her again.

---

Buffy woke up slowly, it took a minute for her to realize she was kissing her pillow.

She laughed groggily, and then gasped and jumped when she opened her eyes and saw Dawn standing next to her bed and looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"Dammit, Dawn! You scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry, I was just checking on you, and accidentally saw you... making out with your pillow."

"I was not making out with my pillow," Buffy said petulantly, sitting up in bed.

"Okay... if you say so. Feeling better?" Dawn figured, who was she to judge? She'd practiced kissing on her own pillow more than once.

Buffy took a deep breath, testing her ribs. "Just a little sore, but much better. Wow, I had some weird dreams..."

"Seemed like they were the good kind of weird though, judging by the pillow kissage," Dawn teased.

"I was just... wiping my mouth on the pillow."

"I did notice some drool... I guess that story checks out."

"You aren't going to go around telling everybody about the pillow thing, are you?"

"Nope." Dawn smiled sweetly. "Just like you didn't tell anyone about me having a crush on Spike. I'll go tell Mom you're awake."

Buffy sighed as Dawn skipped out of the room.

She wasn't crazy about everyone knowing she had a kissing dream, but it could've been worse -- Dawn could've been there when Buffy woke up from the highly erotic dream or Buffy could've been moaning Spike's name.

Buffy looked at the clock, it was 3:30 in the afternoon. She couldn't believe how much she'd slept over the last few days. She slid out of bed, planning what she wanted to accomplish before the day was over: eat something, take a shower, get dressed, go see Spike, and a visit with her friends would be in order at some point.

But the thing she really wanted to do was talk to Spike. As long as he didn't do or say something horrendous, she was prepared to forgive him. She truly believed that Spike had made the choice to be a good man that night at the mansion, he really had turned a corner. The kooky shrine was something he'd done before that night, so she shouldn't judge him by that alone. Buffy had already forgiven Spike in her heart, she just needed to make it official.

The issue of whether the chip was working or not did worry her a bit. What might a heartbroken and depressed Spike do if he thought he had nothing to lose and nothing holding him back?

Buffy thought, 'Please God, don't let him have done anything crazy and/or stupid since the last time I saw him... I don't think I could take it if he's gone over to the dark side again.'

Buffy had a hearty late lunch with her mother and sister. While they ate at the dining room table, Buffy felt obligated to tell them what happened the night Dru kidnapped her.

Buffy told her mother and Dawn an edited version of what happened with Dru. And she left out the last part with Spike and the shrine... and the part where Spike (while under Dru's control) taunted, punched, and bit her.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me everything?" Joyce asked rhetorically.

"I... may have glossed over some things, but I just don't want to relive every second of it, Mom." Buffy fidgeted.

"No, something significant happened that you don't want me to know about. Buffy, please stop trying to shield me from things that might upset me -- it upsets me more for you to keep things from me. I need to know what's going on with you. I spent too much time in the dark about you being the Slayer, I want to be kept in the loop."

"I just..." Buffy sighed heavily. "I don't know if you'd understand some of what happened... I don't want you to hate Spike."

Joyce frowned. "Hate him? He saved your life, didn't he? How could I hate him?"

"I told you about how Dru hypnotized me into thinking Spike came to rescue me, well... she hypnotized Spike into thinking he hated me, and for a few minutes there, I really thought he was going to kill me."

"Oh, poor Spike..." Dawn lamented, lowering her head. Then she looked up and added quickly, "And poor you, too, of course. He couldn't hurt you because of the chip though, right?"

"That's another thing... Dru hypnotized him earlier to make him feel no pain from the chip. Spike was able to hit me without getting a shock."

"Oh my..." Joyce shivered, thinking how close she really did come to losing her daughter. "What stopped him from...?"

The biting part of the story would stay Buffy and Spike's secret -- she didn't want to take the risk of her family and friends turning on him. Luckily the bite mark was easily concealed, no one would even know it was there unless they saw Buffy in a strappy top. "Spike just sorta... snapped out of it suddenly, he shook it off. He remembered how he really felt about me, and he remembered the way Dru mind fu- ... manipulated his mind. Then there was the big fight with Dru and her goons, and that was it."

"Then you called us, and then you guys went to Spike's crypt where the last smackdown of the night with Harmony happened," Dawn finished.

Buffy nodded.

Joyce shook her head and patted Buffy's hand. "My poor baby, you really did have a crazy night. I'm just so relieved you're okay and everything turned out alright." Joyce tried not to dwell on the terrifying 'What if'?' thoughts, and instead concentrate on the fact that Buffy was safe now.

"I wasn't too hopeful for a while there, but..." Buffy sighed and smiled. "I got through it with Spike's help and a lotta luck."

"I want to bake Spike a cake," Dawn said eagerly. "To say thanks for helping you."

Buffy looked at Dawn with a skeptical smile. "You baking? Be careful, there are some poisons that can affect vampires."

"Hey, I'm a good cook!" Dawn defended. "Mom's been teaching me stuff and I've been watching cooking shows. I'll make Spike a devil's food cake served with rocky road ice cream -- it's got marshmallows in it, he likes those. I got a pint of the ice cream last time we went shopping."

"I think that's a nice idea, honey." Joyce smiled.

"Spike would probably prefer cash as a 'thank you'," Buffy laughed. "He doesn't even need to eat, ya know?"

Dawn wouldn't be swayed, she thought it was a good idea. "But he likes to eat, he's different from other vampires. I was thinking, to top off the cake and ice cream, I could drizzle some pig's blood over it like syrup."

Buffy made a face. "Ugh. Spike would definitely have the whole cake to himself if you do that."

Dawn stood up and started collecting the dishes. "I'll clean up."

"You're such a good butler," Buffy joked, patting Dawn on the back.

They chuckled as Dawn took the dishes into the kitchen.

"You feel better since you had a decent meal?" Joyce asked.

Buffy patted her stomach. "I do. It was yummy, thanks, Mom."

"Do you feel like telling me the rest of what happened between you and Spike?"

"The rest?" Buffy fidgeted again, lowering her eyes and playing with the napkin on her lap. "There is no... 'rest'."

"Until now, every time Spike's name came up, you got a look on your face... a troubled look. I know something else happened, Buffy."

Buffy rubbed her eyes and sighed. Her mom had a touch of psychic powers too, or so it seemed. It would be best to just tell her (most of) the truth. "I don't want you to hate him, but he did something weird...."

"I won't hate him. Tell me."

"Okay... but you can't tell anyone else about this, alright? My friends don't need any extra reasons to hate Spike."

Joyce nodded. "My lips are sealed."

"I found out that, in the past, Spike had taken a lot of pictures of me without me knowing..."

Joyce's eyes widened. "He took naked pictures of you?! When did he --"

"No!" Buffy waved her hands and shook her head. "No naked! Nobody was naked... Why did your mind go there?"

Joyce took a calming breath. "You mean, he had normal, fully-clothed pictures of you?"

"Yeah, photos and some sketches he drew of me -- they were pretty good sketches, too, I didn't know he could draw. It was kind of... shrine-like, with candles and... I totally flipped out on him, my brain was short-circuiting, and I just couldn't handle anything else. I saw that he stole things from me and..."

"What did he steal?"

"Some of the photos belonged to me, and... clothes, and other miscellaneous stuff like stakes and hair scrunchies."

Joyce rolled her eyes and sighed, "Dammit, Spike..."

"I felt so betrayed when I saw the shrine... I thought he didn't love me, I thought it was just an obsession. I'd let myself care about him, to think about him as a person, a man, and then I... I just felt like it was all a lie."

"It does sound awfully obsessive."

"I know... but Spike did save my life. After I had time to think about it, and had a few wacky dreams that helped me sort out some issues, I can forgive him. I keep thinking of the way he sounded and looked at me when he said sweet things to me -- it's not just an obsession, Mom, he does love me. And he really was sorry for the things he did wrong."

"Well... I can't be too angry with him, he did save your life, after all. I would like to give him a smack and a lecture for stealing your things, but I certainly don't hate him." Ironically, Joyce would be less inclined to forgive Spike for trespassing and taking Buffy's property if he were a normal human. But Spike was a vampire -- he had to work harder at being 'normal'. Stealing the object of your affection's possessions might be perfectly acceptable behavior amongst vampires.

Buffy's thoughts on the matter were similar to Joyce's: it would be harder (if not impossible) for her to forgive Spike if he were a human who did the same things. But that night at the mansion changed everything. Buffy couldn't put into words how she knew Spike was a different man than the one who'd thought it was okay to stalk her and gave no regard to her privacy, she just knew -- call it Slayer's intuition.

"You were always nice to Spike -- except for the hitting him with an axe that first time, but that was completely justified. And I know he likes you -- and he respects you. Strange relationship you guys have," Buffy said with a chuckle.

"I can't explain why exactly, but I do like Spike. I've always had the feeling that there's a good man under his gruff exterior, and he just needs some guidance -- or lots of guidance -- to get on the right track. Spike choosing to help you over being with that awful Drusilla proves that there's hope for him."

"That's how I feel too." Buffy grinned. "I do think he's capable of being a good guy, given the right incentive."

Joyce smiled slightly and raised her eyebrows. "And I'm guessing that incentive would be you?"

Buffy nodded. "He said he'd do anything to make me happy, and I believe him. Spike still has a lot of hurdles to jump, I'm not saying he's perfect... but he's trying. He's good to you and Dawn, and he chose to save my life when he could've just gone along with Dru and gotten his old life back. Spike and I had a chance to talk a little bit before things turned sour... I believe he really does want to be a good man. He made a choice that night, not just between which woman he loved more, he also turned his back on his old way of life... for me."

"By the twinkle in your eye, I'm thinking you feel you're ready for a new boyfriend?"

Buffy blushed and looked down at her hands. "Well, I have to talk to Spike about everything, but... yeah, I'd like to see if we could make a relationship work. I'm not worry-free, of course -- I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. If I take a chance on Spike and he betrays me... I don't know how I'll handle it. But then there's the flipside: what if I don't take a chance on him and I lose out on something that could've been incredible."

“I won’t tell you what to do, you're past the age where I can run your life, but I want you to really be certain, Buffy. On second thought, I will tell you what to do: I want you to do what your heart tells you is right. We only live once, and what I want most of all for you and your sister is for you to be happy.”

Buffy smiled wistfully. “Being happy... I think I remember what that’s like."

"You're sure your feelings for Spike aren't just gratitude or infatuation? Or that you aren't blinded by your feelings and ignoring the bad things he did?"

"I'm sure," Buffy replied without hesitation. "I care about him, Mom; I can't ignore or deny how I feel. I've thought about it, I'm not going into this with blinders on. I know I could be setting myself up for a big fall, but I want to be with him. It won't be easy for lots of reasons... I know I'll catch all kinds of hell from everyone in my life for dating Spike.”

Joyce sighed, and then squared her shoulders. “Well, I won’t be slinging any hell at you.” She wasn’t crazy about the idea, she'd prefer Buffy dated a human being, but she really did only want Buffy to be happy. And Buffy did have that aforementioned twinkle in her eye when talking about Spike, there wasn't much a parent could say once their daughter had fallen for a boy -- even if that boy was a soulless, century old vampire with several bad habits.

“You can’t live for other people, Buffy, that’s a recipe for unhappiness. We have to make our own decisions and just hope the people we love accept, or at least respect, them."
Buffy leaned over and gave Joyce a hug. "Thanks for being the coolest, sweetest, most understanding mom in the world."

Joyce laughed and hugged her back. "Remember that next time I ask you to mow the lawn."

Dawn came out of the kitchen, not looking very happy. "I'm going up to my room to read for a while." She walked quickly past them.

"Something wrong, honey?" Joyce asked.

"No," Dawn said, her voice wavering, as she hurried up the stairs. They heard her bedroom door shut.

Buffy sighed. "I think she heard us talking and she's upset..."

"Why would she..." Then Joyce remembered about Dawn's crush. "Oh... She'll be alright. We all had those mad crushes on someone at her age."

"I should talk to her," Buffy said, getting up from the table.

---

Buffy knocked on Dawn's door.

"What?" came the terse reply.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Dawn? Please?"

Dawn sighed. "...I guess."

Buffy came in. She hated seeing her little sister looking so sad. Dawn was sitting on her bed holding a plush bunny on her lap, and looking mopey.

Buffy sat down next to Dawn on the bed. "You want to talk about it?"

Dawn picked at her stuffed animal and shrugged. "You're going to start dating Spike, huh?" she asked, still petting the stuffed animal and avoiding eye contact with Buffy.

"If things work out the way I hope, yeah."

"You probably think I'm stupid..." Dawn sniffled. "Like I ever really had a shot with Spike."

"I don't think you're stupid." Buffy smoothed her hand over Dawn's hair. "I know how you feel."

"How could you know? All the hot and interesting guys fall in love with you." Dawn pouted.

"In case you haven't noticed, my love life sucks. I might get to date the guys I'm interested in, but my relationships always ended badly for one reason or another, they never lasted -- at least none have yet."

"Yeah, but you got to be with the guys you wanted... for a little while. I'd take being happy for a little while over nothing and being doomed."

"Considering my track record, I should probably just give up on ever having another boyfriend," Buffy half-joked. Part of her was still gun-shy about getting into another relationship, especially one with as many obstacles as she and Spike were going to have. But she was in too deep to back down now, she had to at least try to make a go of it with Spike. Still, it upset Buffy to see Dawn upset.

Dawn shrugged indifferently again.

"Tell you what... if it's really going to bother you, I can just be friends with Spike," Buffy said, stroking Dawn's hair again. "How could I be happy if I know you're all gloomy?"

Dawn looked up at her. "Seriously? You mean it?"

Now, Buffy did intend to keep her word, but when she'd thought of making that offer to Dawn, she'd expected Dawn to say something like, 'Oh, that's dumb,' or 'I wouldn't ask you to throw away your chance at happiness for me'. Buffy didn't expect to see enthusiasm for the idea in her sister's eyes -- but that's what she was seeing.

Buffy nodded slowly, thinking, 'Oh shit, why the hell did I say that!?' She said, "Yeah... of course I mean it. You're my sister and I love you."

"Omigod, you are the coolest big sister ever! You're the best, Buffy!" Dawn grinned and threw her arms around Buffy's neck and hugged her. "You really do understand!"

Buffy hugged Dawn back, squeezing her eyes shut and wishing her sister had reacted the way she'd hoped Dawn would react. Buffy felt a bit sick to her stomach.

After a beaming Dawn released her, Buffy stood up. "Well... I still need to see Spike to return his coat and tell him I forgive him. I shouldn't be too long..." A lot of what she'd wanted to say to Spike was about her feelings for him, but she'd just made an idiotic promise to Dawn -- the conversation with Spike was going to be a lot shorter now.

Buffy smiled wanly and turned to leave.

Dawn's own smile faded, she could see how disappointed and sad Buffy was. "Buffy... wait."

Buffy stopped and turned around. "Hmm?"

Dawn paused for a moment, then asked, "Being with Spike would make you happy? It's what you really want?"

Buffy took a breath and nodded. "I have... I had a good feeling about it. Probably just me fooling myself, though... I'm sure something would've happened to screw everything up -- 'cause hey, it's me, 'Buffy the Relationship Slayer'. I didn't even talk to him about it; he might've said he wasn't interested."

Dawn rolled her eyes and made a 'Yeah, right!' face. Dawn knew Spike would be doing cartwheels if Buffy told him she wanted to be his girlfriend.

It wasn't easy for Dawn to say it, but she had to try being an adult and consider other people's happiness. Buffy went through so much crap being the Slayer, and Buffy had been so despondent when that dumbass Riley left her. Buffy deserved to be happy. "I can't do this to you... I mean, I really like Spike and everything, but I can't be the reason you're unhappy. And I know how happy being with you would make Spike. I love both of you -- in very different ways -- and I want both of you to be happy, so... you can be together, if you want. I won't be a bitch about it."

Buffy smiled tentatively. "Are you sure that's how you feel, Dawn?"

She nodded. "Spike really loves you. At least one of us Summers girls should get him. Maybe we should check with Mom to see if she's got a thing for Spike too -- it seems like it runs in the family," Dawn said jokingly.

Buffy went back over to the bed and hugged Dawn again. "I'm so proud of you. You're being very mature, a lot of adults wouldn't be so generous in the same situation."

"I don't wanna be a spoiled brat, which I would be if I denied you a gorgeous guy who loves you. And if Spike found out that I was the reason he couldn't be your boyfriend, he'd totally hate me. I don't want either of you to hate me, so... go ahead and be together. Just don't make out in front of me all the time, okay? I can't promise I won't spew if I see you two sucking face."

"I promise: no making out in front of you." Buffy kissed Dawn on the forehead. "You're a very sweet, thoughtful young woman. Thank you for being cool."

"Yeah, I'm the coolest." Dawn pulled away with a watery smile. "Why don't you put on some makeup before you go see Spike -- you don't wanna scare him."

Buffy stuck her tongue out.

"Buffy, one more thing. Was it Spike who stole your blue sweater?" Dawn asked. She'd heard the conversation between their mom and Buffy about Spike's thefts. Dawn only wished Spike liked her enough to steal her stuff.

Buffy sighed and nodded.

Dawn crossed her arms. "Aha! I told you it wasn't me."

"I know, and I'm really sorry I didn't believe you. But you have to admit, I have found my things in your room before -- I wasn't being totally paranoid."

"Yeah, okay... but my point is: I wasn't lying that time."

The sisters smiled at each other, and then Buffy left for her own bedroom, feeling much better than she did a minute ago.

---

After Buffy fixed her hair and put on some light makeup, she felt ready to see Spike. She was nervous about it, not that she thought he'd reject her, but because she was taking a leap of faith and would be playing another round of Relationship Roulette.

But as she'd told Dawn, Buffy had a good feeling about her and Spike; she believed in him. She was probably out of her mind -- and she was sure her friends would tell her as much -- but she was determined to do what her heart told her to do.

Just as she was finishing up getting ready, Buffy heard voices coming from downstairs. She went over to the door and listened, wincing when she realized it was her friends. That meant she would be further delayed going to the crypt, and she'd have to retell the story of what happened the other night. Then Buffy felt guilty for being annoyed -- her friends loved her and were only anxious to see if she was doing well. And she did miss them after not seeing them for a few days. She could spare an hour or so to reassure them that she was okay.

Buffy went downstairs and got hugs from the Scoobies. They went into the living room to talk, Joyce and Dawn went to the kitchen to give them some privacy. Willow gave Buffy the notes and reading assignment from the English Lit. class she'd missed, Buffy was relieved she wouldn't fall even further behind in her studies.

"What did Angel say about Dru and Darla when you called him?" Buffy asked Willow once everyone got settled in the living room.

"Oh, uh, I actually talked to Cordy. It sounds like they have a big heapin' helpin' of their own problems in L.A. right now, but Cordy said that Angel knew about Darla and Dru already. They were just there causing trouble not long before Dru came here."

Buffy shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Angel knew about Darla... and he didn't think it was important enough to pick up the phone and tell me she was somehow mystically brought back from the great beyond? And he knew about Dru being back, too... God, it's like pulling teeth to get that man to share. Remind me to kick his ass next time I see him."

"Come on, Buff," Xander said, leaning forward, "as much as I'd love to see that, we're all waiting to hear what happened that night. You aren't gonna be all un-share-y like Angel, are ya?"

Buffy took a breath and then launched into the story (minus some details) of her kidnapping and eventual rescue. They listened with limited interruptions through most of it, only adding a comment or exclamation here and there.

But Xander interrupted Buffy when she got to the part about how Drusilla made it so the chip in Spike's brain didn't work. Though she'd first decided not to tell them about that part, she'd reconsidered, thinking it was important to show that Spike had to be 'influenced' into hurting her and then was able to snap out of it by himself.

Xander paled. “Whoa, whoa, hold on! You're saying... that Spike had the ability to kill me that night when we went to the crypt? Holy shit...”

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know... maybe. The effects of Dru's trance could've worn off by then. But it's possible that Spike was able to hurt you." Buffy smiled a bit, thinking that it was a very good sign that Spike hadn’t even tried to hurt Xander -- there was no love lost between those two. It reinforced her belief in Spike and her gut-feeling that he was serious about trying to change his ways.

"And the thought that he could've killed me brings you some sort of joy?!" Xander asked in a shrill voice, noticing the tiny smile on her face.

Buffy explained herself, "No, not the thought that he could have killed you -- it's the thought that he did not kill you, he didn't even try. That says a lot, don't you think?"

"Yes, hooray for Spike for resisting the urge to murder me in cold blood!" Xander exclaimed sarcastically.

"We've all had to resist that urge at one time or another," Giles said dryly. The others (except Xander) laughed lightly.

"Oh, thanks a lot!" Xander was freaked out thinking back on the many opportunities Spike had to kill him that night. Xander vividly recalled that murderous look Spike had on his face when Xander threatened him with a stake. "I had a near-death experience, and you guys think it's a real knee-slapper."

"It was hardly a 'near-death' experience, Xander," Willow said, rolling her eyes. "You didn't, ya know, see a bright light and walk towards it, did you?"

Xander shuddered, the thought of Spike being un-muzzled sent chills down his spine. He would be at least in the top five on Spike's hit list, for sure. "You didn't see the murderous, insane in the membrane look in Spike's eyes -- he wanted to kill me. If he hadn't been so drunk, he woulda been all over me like a monkey on a cupcake!"

"If Spike wanted to..." Buffy paused, her brow furrowed. "Monkeys like cupcakes?"

"You bet they do; they love 'em," Xander said with grim certainty.

"Don't you think Spike would've been less able to control violent urges if he was drunk?" Buffy asked. "If he really wanted to hurt or kill you, he would have tried."

Anya rubbed Xander's back. "I doubt Spike was capable of killing you. Surely he would have ripped your arm off or snapped your neck when you manhandled him and threatened him with a stake."

"What?" Buffy sat up straighter. "Xander! Why were you manhandling and threatening to dust Spike?!"

"Because we thought he did something to you! I was trying to get him to tell us where you were. I feel bad about that now and I'll tell Spike I'm sorry... in the form of a pint of beer or blood -- his choice. I don't think I'm actually physically capable of apologizing to him with words."

"Let me see if I got this straight... you were threatening and pushing Spike around after he'd already been shot with a crossbow, sliced open with a machete, beaten with a crowbar, and he was exhausted from fighting several different people over the course of the night while doing everything he could to save my life?" Buffy asked tightly.

"Well, now that you put it that way, I admit... that doesn't cast me in the best of lights..." Xander paused to clear his throat. "But in my defense, I only did it because I was desperate to find you, Buffy! I really thought Spike had something to do with it... and it wasn't just me -- tell her, G-man!" Xander could understand Buffy feeling grateful to Spike for saving her, but she was a lot more upset that he threatened Spike than Xander would've expected her to be, after all, it was just Spike.

"Yes, that was... regrettable." Giles took off his glasses and polished them. "We made a mistake assuming Spike was the one who'd abducted you, Buffy." He put his glasses back on and looked over the rims at Xander. "And don't call me 'G-man' ever again."

Anya raised her hand. "I didn't assume Spike did something bad to you -- it was the rest of them that were ready to lynch Spike. I kept telling them their reasoning was faulty. But no one ever listens to me, so whatever." She sat back and crossed her arms.

Giles gave Anya an exasperated look, then continued, "But I'm very concerned about the issue of the chip not working. We need to talk to Spike to determine whether he's a threat to humans again."

"I was just about to head over to the crypt when you got here," Buffy said. "But I really don't think Spike's been killing again. And I will handle talking to him about it, I don't want him being threatened or pushed around again."

"It might not matter, he could be gone by now." Xander shrugged.

Buffy frowned. "Gone? Did he say he was... leaving Sunnydale?"

"Either that or he staked himself."

"...What?" Buffy swallowed, feeling suddenly cold inside.

"He was talking crazy, and told me a few times that he didn't care if I staked him -- and he definitely meant it. He was really givin' me the heebie-jeebies. I don't know if --"

Buffy jumped up from the chair, fear gripped her heart. "Oh my God! And you're just telling me this now?!"

They were all taken aback by Buffy's panicked reaction.

"I-I haven't had a chance to talk to you since that night," Xander stuttered, leaning back into the chair away from her.

"I have to see if he's okay!" Buffy ran up to her room to get Spike's coat, hopefully she'd be able to give it back to him. She didn't even want to consider the possibility that she might be too late...

"But, Buffy, you didn't finish telling us the rest of what happened the night Drusilla kidnapped you," Willow called to her.

Buffy came quickly back downstairs, taking two at a time, with the leather duster draped over her arm. She said in a rush, "My mom knows the rest of the story, she'll tell you. I'll be at the Magic Box tomorrow, we can talk more then. I have to go!"

The Scoobies looked at each other with raised brows as Buffy raced out the front door.

---

Spike had spent a couple days in a drunken haze before he resolved to try pulling himself together. Luckily, he'd had a few pints of blood stocked in the fridge or else he would be very hungry by now; he hadn't felt up to leaving the crypt at all until today.

He didn't really know how he could go on living feeling as low and depressed as he was, but he had to try; Spike was a survivor, he had to pick himself back up off the ground and just keep on going. Even if Buffy wanted nothing to do with him, he could still help if she needed assistance battling Glory or an especially tough monster of the week.

He thought about leaving town again, but where would he go? And what if Buffy did need his help and he wasn't there? Buffy, Joyce, or the Nibblet could die if he wasn't around to lend a hand, and he couldn't bear the thought of that, either. He supposed the idea of her friends dying would be a bit sad too (with the possible exception of Xander). But her friends meant the world to Buffy, and they had a lot to do with the fact that she was still alive and kicking -- Spike would save their lives (even that ponce Xander) if he had to. Spike's thoughts just kept going in circles, he couldn't make a firm decision about anything.

Leaving a box of Buffy's belongings outside her door seemed to be a good first goal to focus on. Spike went through the box from the shrine, throwing away the things that were ripped or destroyed, and putting Buffy's possessions into another box.

Spike told himself he wouldn't keep anything from the shrine -- he was going cold turkey in his addiction to Buffy. But... keeping one picture wouldn't be such a terrible thing. He took his favorite picture, smiled sadly at it for a few moments, tenderly tracing the shape of Buffy's face with a forefinger. Then he put the picture between the pages of his book of Shakespeare's sonnets; Sonnet 47 seemed to be a fitting place for it:

Betwixt mine eye and heart a league is took,
And each doth good turns now unto the other:
When that mine eye is famish'd for a look,
Or heart in love with sighs himself doth smother,
With my love's picture then my eye doth feast
And to the painted banquet bids my heart;
Another time mine eye is my heart's guest
And in his thoughts of love doth share a part:
So, either by thy picture or my love,
Thyself away, art present still with me;
For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move,
And I am still with them, and they with thee;
Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight
Awakes my heart, to heart's and eye's delight.

Buffy would always be with him, in his mind and heart.

Spike sighed as he closed the book and put it back in its drawer. "Love is the most beautiful of dreams... and the worst of nightmares," he quoted the Bard.

After everything fell apart with Buffy the other night, Spike had had the urge to go on a rampage in town to destroy everything he could get his hands on and try out the chip and see if Dru had really made his 'not able to bite humans' problem go away. Now that Spike's life was utterly destroyed, and he was without any sort of hope that it could get better, why shouldn't he just let his demon take over completely? He'd survived that way for over a century, he could do it again. There was nothing stopping him -- he could raze the whole bloody town to the ground, he could cause death, destruction and suffering on a grand scale. He could make everyone feel a fraction of the pain that was screaming inside of him.

But he couldn't. There was still a part of Spike that was committed to changing and becoming a better person. Buffy didn't care about him or what he did anymore, but he could do positive, good things as a way of repenting for the hurt he'd caused her (and countless others).

Spike would be doing good for the safety of puppies and Christmas, not only because he hoped Buffy would notice his deeds and be impressed. Spike still didn't know where he belonged in the world, if he belonged in it at all, or what category he fell into. Was he good or evil? Maybe a combination of the two: gevil or evood? He imagined he'd be in this sort of walking Purgatory for many years to come -- not fitting in with the 'white hats' but no longer able to live fully in the shadows. For the first time, he realized he was truly, utterly alone.

Spike had gotten the fuzzy end of the lollipop in life, as usual, but it was best for Buffy's sake that it ended this way. He'd been a huge fool to ever think he could be worthy of a woman like her, she deserved so much better than the likes of him. He truly was beneath her.

Maybe he could go out in a blaze of glory by tracking down that Hell-bitch Glory. If he managed to kill Glory, Buffy and Dawn's problems would be solved. Spike knew it would be a kamikaze mission if he went off to kill Glory by himself, but he was willing (and ready) to die to protect the Slayer and her loved ones. And Buffy would get two wonderful gifts out of that scenario: Both Glory and Spike would be dead and gone, never to cause Buffy another moment of worry again. The Slayer would be chuffed to bits, no doubt.

"Bloody hell, I've gotta stop depressin' myself..." Spike muttered, shaking his head.

Spike switched on his portable CD player, which was loaded with his 'Love's Bitch' mixed CD (lots of 'Woe is me' songs and shots of the Blues). Listening to the songs actually helped him deal with his sorry lot in life a bit better, it was comforting to know he wasn't the only heartbroken, miserable sod in the world.

Spike got back to cleaning and sorting his possessions as a temporary way to occupy his addled mind.

---

Buffy threw open the crypt door and ran inside. There was no sign of Spike.

'Don't panic, he might be downstairs,' she told herself, going to the covered trapdoor.

Loud music blared up from below when Buffy moved the cover aside.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

Mr. Pitiful - Otis Redding

}}

Call me Mr. Pitiful
Baby, that's my name now
Oh they call me Mr. Pitiful
That's how I got my fame
But people just don't understand
What make a man feel so blue
Ooh they call me Mr. Pitiful
'Cause I lost someone just like you

"Spike?" Buffy called down the hole. She assumed he wouldn't be able to hear her over the music.

They call me Mr. Pitiful
This everybody know now
They call me Mr. Pitiful
Most everyplace I go
But nobody seems to understand
How can a man sing such a sad song
Ooh when he lost everything
When he lost everything that he had

Buffy climbed down the ladder, and then breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Spike was still here and un-dusty. He was singing along with the song and moving slightly from side to side to the beat. Spike had his back to her, but it was definitely him -- that platinum blond hair could only belong to one person. He had a bottle of whiskey in one hand and was holding an open book in the other. There were a bunch of cardboard boxes on the floor filled with various items.

Spike was drinking again, but he was just sipping the whiskey as opposed to the guzzling he'd done over the last few days. He sang along with the song, musing that this was his theme song now. Why not try embracing his pitifulness instead of fighting it? Fighting it took too much bloody energy.

Spike turned around while taking a drink. Discovering that he suddenly wasn't alone took him by surprise, he did a spit-take and started coughing.

"Oh! Sorry!" Buffy put a hand to her mouth to cover her smile and hold in a laugh.

Spike kept coughing as he went to the table with the boom box. He hastily set down the bottle and book, and then fumbled with the CD player to switch off the music.

"Sorry," Buffy said again once it was quiet. "I didn't mean to scare you. I called down, but I guess you didn't hear."

Spike waved his hand and shook his head as he cleared his throat. He wheezed, "I just wasn't expectin' any company... 'specially not... you."

Buffy toned down her smile, but couldn't quite keep it completely off her face. "That was a good spit-take, I'd never actually seen anybody do one in real-life before."

Spike wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, just staring at Buffy for a few moments. He was gobsmacked to see Buffy here again. And she was smiling pleasantly, which he definitely didn't expect. "Feelin' better? You look... good."

"Yep, almost all healed. You look... good, too." Spike did look a lot better than the last time she was here. He was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt that she hadn't seen him wear before, left tantalizingly unbuttoned down the front. She could see only a red mark on his abdomen from where he'd gotten slashed, his enhanced healing ability was obviously working too.

Spike's hair was mussed, and she thought the way it curled at the ends was so cute. 'Spike has naturally curly hair, eh? So that’s why he slicks it back all the time, he doesn't want people to think he looks adorable.’ She wanted to just run her fingers through his hair, wind those cute curls around her fingers and...

And then Buffy realized she'd just been silently staring at him for thirty seconds. She thought, 'Okay, say something, Buffy. Don't make him think you're a total spazz now that you actually *want* him to like you.'

"Um, did Harmony or Dru come back?" Buffy asked.

"No. And I hope I never set eyes on either of those bints again."

Buffy absently caressed the coat she was holding, reminding her that she'd brought it. "Oh, here," she held out the leather duster, "I wanted to bring this back to you. Thanks for letting me wear it home. Though... I guess you didn't let me, I just kinda put it on and walked out..." She laughed anxiously.

Spike looked at her strangely as he slowly reached out and took the coat from her. "...Thanks." He was completely thrown -- not only hadn't he expected Buffy to come here ever again, he hadn't expected to get his beloved garment back in one piece, if at all.

"I thought about having it dry-cleaned for you. I slept in it, so I might have sweated a little..." Buffy fretted. "If it's stinky, I can --"

"Are you here to stake me?" Spike asked flatly. "'Cos I'd just as soon you get on with it if you are."

Buffy frowned. "What? No. Why would I want to do that?"

Spike cocked an eyebrow. "Do I really need to list the reasons? You’ve got plenty of ‘em, Slayer.”

"I didn't come here to stake you or beat you up. I wanted to return your coat, and I was hoping we could... talk about what happened."

Spike gulped. "Sure you wouldn't rather just stake me?" he asked, holding his shirt open and presenting his chest to her. Talking to Buffy about the shrine and his stalkery behavior terrified him. Between a talk with her or a stake to the heart, being dusted might prove the less painful alternative.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "There's stuff I need to talk to you about, Spike." She looked around for a place to sit, then chose to sit on the end of the bed.

Spike shifted uncomfortably on his feet and looked down at the floor. "There's nothin' left for us to talk about."

"There's a lot for us to talk about," Buffy insisted. “I was glad to see you were okay. I wasn't sure what, if anything, I'd find when I finally got here... Xander told me you were talking crazy and sounded suicidal the last time he saw you.”

Spike growled as he angrily hung his coat on a hook on the wall. "Harris needs to keep his stupid bloody opinions to himself! I just wanted to be left the bloody hell alone. But your friends held me hostage 'til they called your house and confirmed I wasn't lying." He glanced at her. “I reckoned you made it home alright when I didn’t wake up as a pile of dust.”

"I don't think you could actually wake up if you were..." Buffy started then shook her head, Spike's sarcasm threw her momentarily.

She started over. “Yeah, look... I’m sorry Xander was such a dick. I’ve been asleep most of the last few days, so I only just heard about what happened after I left here. I was so pissed off that he treated you that way. Xander said he'd apologize to you about the whole thing, and he'd better."

Spike put his hands on his hips, looking put-out and frustrated. "What's goin' on, Buffy?"

"Going on?"

"Why are you really here? Why are you acting like you give a shit about me?" Spike stopped and let out a breath, putting his hands to his temples and rubbing in slow circles. He was already hung-over before she showed up, and now he was very confused -- why was Buffy being nice to him? There had to be some kind of catch, some important reason she was pretending she didn’t hate his guts. "If you need information on a baddie, I don’t have any; I haven’t been above ground in days. If you need my help slaying a demon, just give me the description and point me in the right direction.”

"I told you I'm here because I need to talk to you. I thought you’d be at least a little happy to see me..." Buffy pouted (which almost made Spike melt and sigh at her adorability). "Do you want me to leave?"

Spike blinked at her, then swallowed and looked away. "Yeah, I want you to go. I just wanna be left alone.”

"Too bad, 'cause I ain't goin' anywhere," Buffy said, crossing her arms.

Spike looked at her, furrowing his brow. "What?"

"You heard me, I'm staying right here. You just want me to leave because you're nervous to talk about that shrine thingie."

“Hmm..." Spike tapped his chin and looked up in thought. "Now, why wouldn’t I want to talk about one of the most humiliating, painful moments in my entire life?” He gave her a put-upon look. “As if that whole bloody nightmare hasn’t replayed in my mind a thousand times... Why pour salt in the wound? It's over and done with.”

“I know it’s not a --”

Spike started pacing nervously and talked over her. “Every second my mind hasn’t been pickled in alcohol, I’ve seen the whole bloody scene play out in my head again and again. Well, it still went through my mind when I was drunk off my ass, too, it just... didn’t hurt quite as much."

He held up a hand. “And before you even say it, I’m not implying that you did me wrong. I’m not trying to garner your pity. I bloody well hung myself... I know it. I deserve every bloody misfortune that's befallen me. In the beginning, I wanted to blame everyone else for what went wrong, but I know I’m the only one to blame. It was my brilliant idea to put together that bloody shrine. No one else could fuck up a good thing so spectacularly -- and I did it much quicker than usual, too.”

“You think I might be able to get a word in at some point?” Buffy asked with raised brows.

Spike stopped pacing and scrubbed his hands over his face, turning his back to her. In a softer voice, he said, “I don’t want to stop talking... because then you’ll start telling me how much I hurt you, and I can’t... It kills me knowing I hurt you, betrayed you, like that. Please, Buffy... I don’t want to talk about it. I know I don't deserve an ounce of mercy, but..."

Buffy sighed. “So, you think we should just pretend none of that night ever happened? You think we should just not see or talk to each other again to avoid awkwardness? You don’t want to try talking to me and fixing the problem?”

“There is no fixing it. Whatever we had... or could’ve had, it’s over. I bollixed it up real bloody good.”

“I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t think we could get past this.” Buffy patted a spot on the bed next to her. “Sit down, your pacing makes me dizzy.”

Spike looked at her uncertainly. “When you left here... I’ll never forget the look on your face: hurt, disgusted... and afraid. What could’ve possibly happened between then and now to change how you felt?”

“I was able to put things in perspective," Buffy explained. "My brain was beyond fried that night, there’s no way I could’ve had a calm, rational discussion with you. I’m sorry for the way I flipped --”

Spike held up a hand and shook his head. “No. Please, Buffy... don’t apologize to me for anything. I’m the one who fucked it up.”

“I know it was your fault, you really did fuck up." Spike looked down sadly, and Buffy added, "But I do regret the extreme way I reacted. I wish I could’ve stayed and... I don’t know, listened to your explanation and talk about it.”

“Explanation?” Spike laughed miserably. “What is there to explain? I was obsessed with you, I stalked you, and I nicked your stuff. There’s no good explanation for what I did. There’s nothing I can say that will make it right.”

“I wanted to hate you... I did hate you for a short time," she confessed. "But the hate didn't last long... I still care about you, Spike. I’d still like us to try being... friends.” Buffy wanted to be much more than ‘friends’, but she could broach that particular subject after they got the other topics out of the way.

“No... no, don’t care about me; I don’t deserve you carin’ about me. All I’ll do is keep hurting you in one way or another. I think Dru might've had it backwards -- I'll lead you to your destruction if you let me near you. Let’s just leave it as it is... go our separate ways. I won’t bother you again. I'll still help you fight if you need --”

“Stop with the self-loathing and sit down,” Buffy said in a no-nonsense way. “We’re talking this out whether you like it or not.”

Spike groaned and dragged his feet to the bed. But he thought better of it at the last second and went to sit in a chair instead. He didn’t want to get too close to Buffy. He still didn’t understand what changed to make her want to speak to him again -- it could just be a trick. Maybe she was gonna get his hopes up then pull the rug out from under his feet just to hurt him like he'd hurt her; not that he didn't deserve it, but still...

“No, sit over here,” Buffy said before he had a chance to sit down, patting the space next to her again.

Spike hesitated, but went over to the bed and sat on the opposite end from Buffy.

“Is that a new shirt?” Buffy asked. “It’s nice.”

Spike just raised an eyebrow and gave her that strange, confused look again. He was tensely waiting for her pleasant facade to fall away, and for her to explode in a fit of anger or tears.

“Okay, you’re not in the mood for small talk. We’ll go right into meatier subjects then... How’s the chip treating you? Does it work?”

Spike smiled ruefully, pursing his lips; he thought he understood now. “Ah, I get it... You came here to check up on me. That’s what your friendly visit was all about -- you think I’ve been hunting again. I’m surprised you chose to go a non-violent route to find out if I’ve been up to no good. Why not just throw me against the wall and punch me a few times to get the truth outta me? I’d prefer that, actually.”

“It was just a question, Spike," Buffy said calmly. "And I didn’t have some secret agenda for coming here to see you; I wasn’t putting on an act or pretending I care about you. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t at least ask if you've gone out to test the chip on a human.”

Spike believed her, and now he was back to being perplexed about her motives. “I really don’t know if it works or not. Guess that’s not the answer you wanted to hear, but it's all I got.”

“You could hit me to see if --”

“No,” Spike said decisively.

“Just hit me once on the arm, it’s not like you’ll cripple me. I'm made of tough stuff.” Buffy leaned toward him, leading with her shoulder.

Spike didn’t want to hit or injure her at all, but he could see that she wasn’t going to let up until the question of the chip working was settled. He made a fist and got ready to punch her upper arm. He looked into her eyes. “You’ll have to stake me if it doesn’t work. You'd have to do your duty."

“Why? Did you plan on running out and killing a bunch of people to celebrate? I don’t think you’ll do that.”

“You’re being naive.”

Buffy shook her head. "No, I’m not. You could’ve been out there testing the chip over the last few days, but you weren’t. You said you turned your back on your old way of life the night you helped me escape from Dru, and I know you meant it.”

“I'm a monster; I’m not to be trusted... you’ve seen that. You have no idea what I'm capable of. Don’t make the fatal mistake of --”

“Would you just punch me already?” Buffy said impatiently. “God, do you ever stop talking? It’s just yap, yap, yap all the --”

Spike punched her arm, immediately gritting his teeth and holding his head. “Yeah, the bloody thing works,” he groaned. “And you’re one to bloody talk about incessant yammering. You haven’t stopped --”

“I said that to piss you off and make you punch me.” Buffy rubbed her arm. He didn’t hit her that hard, she could tell he’d held back, but it was enough to sting.

“Oh. Then it was a job well done, Slayer.” He smiled slightly and massaged his forehead. “You always did have a talent for aggravating me.”

Buffy smiled. “Well, see, we have something in common, 'cause you have the same talent for aggravating me.”

Spike was both relieved and disappointed that the chip gave him a shock. He didn’t plan on killing humans again, but he also despised being controlled. But at least Buffy wouldn't have to be the one to dust him. For some unknown reason, she was no longer angry with him, and it seemed that she would've actually been disturbed if she'd had to stake him.

"You're just gonna take my word that I haven't been hunting humans? I could've just been pretending to feel pain from the chip to fool you."

Buffy turned to the side to face him, curling one of her legs under her. "Have you been hunting humans again? And were you faking the reaction from the chip when you hit me?"

Spike sighed. "No."

"I believe you," Buffy said.

He shook his head with disbelief. "This isn't like you at all, Slayer... How can you believe me just like that? You know me: I lie, I cheat, I steal -- I'll do anything to get over on people."

"Your eyes." She smiled softly. "I can tell so much just by looking into your eyes..."

They gazed at each other for a few moments before Spike broke eye contact, looking down at his hands.

Spike was further unnerved at seeing not just forgiveness, but caring in Buffy's eyes. He didn't understand how she could forgive him, or how she could possibly care whether he lived or died. He looked at her suspiciously. "Are you under a spell, is that what this is? Someone mojo'd you into forgetting what a huge jackass I am? Was Red messin’ with dark forces again?"

Buffy laughed. "You're so paranoid! I'm not under a spell. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I just gave the situation a lot of thought, I slept on it, and then came to the conclusion that you messed up, but you can still redeem yourself?"

Spike had felt so hopeless, and he'd thought of himself in such negative ways, since he'd last seen Buffy. He'd convinced himself that he'd never have her -- not her friendship and certainly not anything more. It was hard for him to believe and accept that there was any chance of reconciling with her.

"Now, about that shrine..." Buffy began, her eyes going to the area of the room where the shrine had been set up.

Spike tensed. "It's gone, alright? I tore the whole bloody thing down and threw it all away."

"All of it?"

"...Well... ‘cept for the things I nicked that belong to you... I put them in a box...” Spike wouldn’t meet her eyes as he got up and retrieved a cardboard box. He set the box down near her feet, and then went back to sit on the opposite end of the bed. “That’s all of it."

Buffy peeked in the box. "You didn't keep anything?" she asked skeptically.

"No... well yeah... but nothing that belongs to you. I kept... one picture," Spike said guiltily. Yet another reason he was disappointed in himself: he couldn't go totally cold turkey like he'd promised himself he would. And he didn't know why he'd just felt the need to be honest and tell Buffy about the one picture, he should've lied -- he was good at lying -- why couldn't he lie to her?

"One picture is okay, some people might even call having one picture 'normal'." Buffy hoped he might smile at that, but he didn't. She sighed. "Tell me why you decided to take my stuff and the pictures from my house."

Spike glanced at her. "You're just bustin' my bollocks now... I don't think I really need to explain why I took those things. You're a smart bird, you can figure it out."

"I'm not bustin' your... anything. I just want you to tell me what you were feeling and thinking when you did it."

Spike rubbed his forehead, trying to get rid of the headache the chip had given him. He did not want to talk to Buffy about this, but she obviously wasn't going to stop until he gave her an answer. Why did women insist on talking everything to death?

Spike took a breath and began, "I had all these... feelings for you and you hated me, I didn't know how to manage it. Felt like I might go mad from yearning for you... At first I just wanted a picture of you... but once I started I couldn't stop. I wanted to have things that reminded me of you, that would make me feel... closer to you. I knew I could never have you, and that stuff I stole was as close as I'd ever get to you. It was stupid and pathetic -- you don't have to tell me that, I know it. But I could look at the pictures, smell your scent on the clothes, and dream -- imagining, just for a little while, that you could love me too..." He groaned and lowered his head, covering his face with his hands. "Oh God, I'm such a pathetic git..."

Buffy still didn't approve of his actions, of course, but she thought she could understand (at least a little bit) the desperation Spike felt when he'd constructed the shrine. Spike had been faced with a dilemma and chose a wrong solution, but he didn't have any positive influences in his life -- except for Buffy and her friends, and he couldn't have talked to any of them about his feelings for Buffy. She felt confident that, with proper guidance, Spike could still be a good man.

Buffy smiled. "What I keep wondering is... why did you have the mannequin? What'd you do with it?"

Spike groaned again, even more embarrassed. He couldn't look at her, so he missed the teasing smile on her face. "Nothing! I didn't do anything... with it."

"Then why did you have it down here?"

"Alright, I... sometimes practiced... talking to you." He growled and dropped his face into his hands again. "Bloody hell... I wish I could just spontaneously combust right now. If you have a stake somewhere on your body, be a pet an' stab it through my back please."

Buffy ignored his plea for her to stake him. "I never noticed you having a problem talking to me, you always sounded strong, defiant, and confident. Why would you have to practice talking to me?"

"I don't mean our usual witty, mutually insulting banter. And when we're not trading insults, we talk about demons threatening the community, we talk shop. We didn't have 'normal' conversations. The few times I've tried..."

"Yeah... I got weirded out, insulted you, and told you to go away." Buffy remembered a few instances of Spike trying to talk to her, the most recent time was at the Bronze right before Dru came back to town. "I wish I would've given you a chance instead of shooting you down every time you reached out."

Spike didn't say anything, he just kept looking down at his hands with a sad look on his face.

"The stealing and stuff you did... it's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but it's in the past now. You don't have to beat yourself up about it so much."

Spike shook his head and chuckled despondently. "Don't beat myself up, you say? I want to kick my own ass for doing something so bloody pathetic and twisted. I knew what I did was wrong when I was doin' it... but I didn't realize how wrong and sick it was until I saw that look on your face right after you saw the shrine." Spike closed his eyes, seeing that frightened, appalled look on Buffy's face again. It was like a knife being twisted in his gut. "I don't know what the bloody hell is wrong with me... that I could've thought, for even a second, that what I was doing was acceptable."

Spike sighed and had to fight the strong urge to shut down all communication with Buffy and crawl back inside a bottle of whiskey. He had to get through this conversation first, to let Buffy know how much he regretted his actions.

He took a breath and continued, "If a human had done what I did, he'd be in jail -- and ironically, I'd want to kill the bastard for doing the same bloody stupid things I did to you. I never wanted you to be scared of me... I know it doesn't excuse what I did or make it any better, but I'm so bloody sorry, Buffy, you have no idea..."

"I was freaked out about the shrine at first, I didn't know what to think. I jumped to the worst of conclusions and had myself convinced you didn't really care about me. But I've had time to let it all sink in, I'm not scared or worried anymore. And I know you really do care about me."

She knew the new, improved Spike wouldn't intentionally harm or scare her. Buffy moved closer and put her hand on his shoulder. "We can still give the... 'being friends' things a try."

Spike got up from the bed abruptly and moved away from her.

"What's wrong?" Buffy frowned.

“Stop being nice to me,” Spike said with his back to her, his voice uneven.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Only you would have a problem with someone being nice to them. Sorry, I’m in a ‘being nice’ kinda mood. It doesn't happen that often, you should enjoy it," she teased, but Spike didn't see the soft smile on her face.

He turned his face to her, his eyes shiny with tears. “Hit me, yell at me, threaten me -- I deserve those things... I understand those things. Just... stop being so bloody nice. I don’t know how to handle it... I don't deserve it.”

Buffy stood up and went over to him, then took his hands in hers. Spike tried pulling his hands away, but Buffy held on. “Spike, you know the things you did were wrong and you’re sorry. You wouldn't do anything like that again, and I know you'll do what you can to make up for it. I can forgive you.”

Spike shook his head slowly. "Don't forgive me... If you let me in, I'll only hurt you again. I don't want to hurt you again, Buffy."

"It's going to be different between us from now on, Spike. We're going to respect each other, and you can talk to me about anything, not just shop talk." He looked so sad that Buffy just had to hug him. She let go of his hands and put her arms out, leaning forward.

Spike leaned back, looking confused again. "What're you doing?"

Buffy put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Shut up, I'm hugging you."

"...Why?"

"Because I want to."

Spike was immobile for several moments, but he slowly brought his arms up around her, and then closed his eyes and just savored being hugged by her.

"You might as well start getting used to me being nice to you now," Buffy said, enjoying the feeling of being in Spike's arms again.

"You really are an amazing, and wildly unpredictable, woman, Buffy Summers," Spike said, pulling back to look at her. She looked so lovely, was being so sweet, and she smelled so good... Spike tilted his head and leaned in to kiss her.

Buffy saw the kiss coming and welcomed it. She closed her eyes and puckered up a little as his lips gently brushed against hers. But instead of feeling Spike's mouth on hers, she was surprised when he suddenly took his arms off of her and jumped away.

Spike didn't realize he was about to kiss her until it was almost too late. Wanting to kiss Buffy was an automatic impulse, he'd just started going for it without thinking. He growled loudly and raked his fingers back through his untamed hair. “I can’t go five bloody minutes without doing something stupid!”

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked, startled. She’d been ready to get that kiss she’d dreamt about.

He turned his back to her. “God, I’m bloody hopeless!” he said miserably. “Here you are, bein’ so gracious and kindhearted... and I have to ruin everything -- again! -- by trying to kiss you. I couldn’t help m’self... You look so beautiful and you smell so good... I can’t be around you without wanting you... I’ll stay away, I won’t come near you, I’ll --”

Buffy interrupted him, “Spike, I could've stopped you if I wanted to. Did you hear me complaining about the almost-kiss?"

He stopped and thought for a moment. “...No.”

“Right. That’s because I wanted it to happen.”

Spike turned around and looked at her.

“In fact, if you hadn't, I was going to be the one to initiate the kissage, so don’t go on another guilt trip. You're racking up more frequent-flyer miles than Buzz Aldrin."

“You... wanted to kiss me? After everything I did...?"

"I told you several times that I forgive you, Spike. The thing that matters most to me is that you're sorry, and that you try to do your best to walk the straight-and-narrow. You were right when you said that people have done a lot worse than worship me, and I forgave them."

Spike's brow furrowed. “I... don’t remember ever saying that... out loud.”

“Oh... that might’ve been Dream Spike who said that, now that I think about it. But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Dream Spike?" Spike gulped. "You... had dreams... about me?”

"Uh-huh. You were my... co-star." Buffy looked up at him from under her lashes and smiled, which Spike thought was the sweetest (yet most seductive) look he'd ever seen on a woman. "The dreams helped me see how I really feel about you, and that I shouldn't give up on you so fast."

Spike was stunned once again. Buffy dreamt about him? And they weren't innocent, chaste dreams, judging by the look on her face.

Buffy could see he was speechless, so she stepped up to him. She touched his cheek, then trailed her hand down to his chest, idly fingering a buttonhole on his shirt. "I do want us to be friends... but I really want to try being more than that."

An awed smile twitched at the corners of Spike's mouth, he tilted his head, wondering if this was really happening or if it was just another one of his dreams.

"Is that something you'd be interested in, too?" She lowered her eyes bashfully, certain of what his answer would be.

Dozens of thoughts and feelings raced through Spike's mind. There were shouts of jubilation within him to hear that Buffy fancied him, his dreams were coming true. But all the negativity he'd built up over the last few days wouldn't be banished so easily. The thoughts, 'I would only make Buffy miserable', and 'She deserves better than me; I'm beneath her', pushed past and overwhelmed his joy. He had to do the right thing -- for Buffy -- no matter how much it hurt him.

Spike squeezed his eyes shut and set his jaw, he took and released a shaky breath. "...No."

For a moment, Buffy continued as if his answer had been 'Yes', she'd been certain of what his reply would be. "I thought we could start by getting to know each..." Buffy paused and blinked up at him. "Did you say... 'no'?"

Spike looked into her eyes, trying to be strong and do what he thought was right. "I'm sorry..."

"But..." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Okay... I'm thoroughly confused. I thought you wanted to be with me? Don't you love me anymore?"

The pout she was giving him was testing Spike's mettle -- he wanted nothing more than to kiss that pouty lip and make her smile again. But he had to stand firm -- for her sake.

Spike swallowed and stepped away from her. "I do love you... and that's why I said no. Being with me wouldn’t be good for you.”

Buffy groaned and rolled her eyes. "Oh yay, another person in my life who thinks they know what's best for me! I just can't get enough of that stuff." She took a deep breath and looked at him. "I never thought you'd be one of those people, Spike."

"Yeah..." he blinked back tears and smiled sadly, "I'm just full of surprises, ain't I?"

She crossed her arms. "You want to explain your stupid reason for rejecting me?"

"It's not stupid," Spike said, going to his bar and opening his last bottle of booze. "You deserve better than me, Buffy. You deserve someone... normal."

"Normal -- right! Because I'm just so damn normal myself."

"But that's what you want to be... that’s what your mum wants for you too."

"I'm not normal and I never will be. Yeah, I wish my life was ordinary and dull sometimes, but it's not. I'm the Slayer, and I need to be with a man who challenges me, who supports and understands me. That's you, Spike."

"You deserve better than me," Spike repeated sullenly. "You deserve someone stable -- someone brave and noble, someone you could be proud of... and not have to defend why you're with him to everyone that matters to you."

"I don

Buffy and Spike walked along the sidewalk together. She opted to carry the cardboard box, leaving him with his hands free for fighting, should the need arise. Buffy hoped no demons would jump out at them and interrupt their walk, she wanted some more time to work on getting Spike to change his mind.

"Nice night, isn't it?" Buffy remarked, looking up at the sky.

"Hmm? Oh... yeah, it is." Spike looked up at the sky too. The moon was full and hundreds of stars twinkled in the heavens; it was a night made for lovers to go for a stroll and stargaze.

"You look like you have something on your mind," Buffy said leadingly. She hoped he was still thinking about that kiss and wanting more.

Spike stopped walking and sighed, hanging his head. "I have absolutely no backbone... I'm a bloody jellyfish."

Buffy stopped beside him. "What're you talking about? You're ultra-brave."

"No... I'm a bloody weakling." Spike looked down at the ground and rubbed at the back of neck. "I know I'm not good enough for you," he began. "I know I don't deserve you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. She'd thought he was close to giving in, but he was just repeating the same crap he said back at the crypt. "Spike..."

"But..."

Buffy rolled her eyes forward again, a hopeful smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "But?"

"You've gotta understand, luv... I've spent the last few days arse over tits drunk and hating myself; it's not easy for me to cut through all that misery to see what I know is the truth."

"And what's the truth?"

"The truth is..." Spike took a breath and looked into her eyes. "I know I can make you happy, I've got it within me to be the kind of man you need, the kind of man you deserve. We're a bloody good match, like one of those super couples on soap operas. Would you think any less of me if I took back all that bollocks I said before?"

Buffy grinned and set the box down on the ground. "Let me answer your question this-a way," she said, putting her arms around his neck. "Was it that kiss I gave you that showed you how wrong you were?"

Spike's arms wound around her, he smiled. "That wasn't playing fair... You don't know how bloody hard it is to resist you..."

"Then stop resisting," Buffy said breathily.

Their eyes slid closed as their lips connected. It started off as soft and searching, but progressed quickly into a heated, plundering kiss. They tightened their hold on one another as their lips mashed together and sparks shot through their bodies.

Buffy broke for air after a minute. "Wow... it's so much better when you participate and I don't have a busted lip," she panted, her hands fluttering over his face and through his hair.

"Mmmhmm." Spike smiled and lowered his mouth to hers again.

When they had to break for air again, they rested their foreheads together as they tried to catch their breath and control the lust surging within their bodies.

Spike burned for Buffy; he felt like he might spontaneously combust, not from shame this time, but from sheer happiness and desire. The woman he loved was giving him a chance with her, she wanted him -- could he really be this lucky?

Buffy wanted Spike real bad too, but she recalled the taunts delivered by her evil twin in that dream she'd had. Buffy didn't want just sex, she wanted to have something meaningful. She wanted both of them to be sure their attraction to each other wasn't just about lust. She wanted to be in love with Spike before she fully gave herself to him and took his love in return. She couldn't let herself fall in love with Spike if it turned out he was only deeply in lust, not love, with her. They needed time to see if they liked being around each other -- without the immediate promise of naked fun.

Buffy looked at him demurely. "Maybe we should..."

"My thoughts exactly, pet." Spike grinned and took her by the hand, if his heart could beat it would be pounding double-time in his chest. He started walking briskly back down the sidewalk the way they'd come, pulling her along with him.

Buffy laughed, pulling back and dragging her feet to make him stop. "Spike, wait! Where are we going?"

He stopped, turned around and looked at her, puzzled for a moment. "To the crypt. Did you have somewhere else in mind? 'Cos I'm up," he waggled his eyebrows and smirked, "for anything."

"But we're almost to my house..." Buffy looked back over her shoulder toward her house.

"Oh," Spike's smirk expanded, he stepped up to her again, putting his hands on her sides and moving them slowly down to her hips, "are Joyce and the Nibblet out for the evening, then?"

"No, they're home."

Spike's forehead crinkled. "But... if they're home, we won't have privacy..."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Privacy for what?"

"For... what we're gonna be doing..." Spike said slowly, looking at her expectantly. Surely she'd been thinking the same thing as him. The way she'd kissed him spoke of hunger and need; she obviously wanted him too.

Buffy's cheeks reddened with a blush, she looked down. "Spike, I don't want to just hop into bed with you."

"...You don't?" Spike was disappointed and still confused. "But the kissing..."

"Kissing isn't sex -- kissing can lead to sex, but just kissing is awesome, too. Haven't you ever just made out with a girl without it leading to being naked?"

"Yeah..." Actually there weren't many occasions in his life Spike could think of where kissing and groping hadn't led directly to shagging. Waiting and 'getting to know each other' were human concepts, vampires were usually much more spontaneous and governed by their urges (and they were usually sluttier than humans, too -- lacking a soul tended to have that effect).

"I want us to be about more than just sex. That's not all you want from me, right?" Buffy looked up at him, batting her eyelashes.

"Of course... I want more than just sex from you. I love you, Buffy. I want all of you -- your mind, heart, and soul -- not just your body..." His eyes trailed down, he lightly licked his lips. His voice was a bit rougher, "Your nubile... tight... firm... perky..."

Buffy cleared her throat loudly, which made Spike jump and look back up into her eyes. "Sorry, pet... I get carried away when I start thinkin'... those sort of thoughts about you."

"I want us to be in love when we first... get together. That's important to me," Buffy persisted.

"You haveta know I love..." Spike paused and looked down. "Ah, you mean you want both of us to be in love..."

Buffy touched and lightly stroked his cheek. "I'm getting there, Spike, I really am. I just need... a little more time. I've had some bad luck with boyfriends in the past, I don't want to just jump into something like this. I want us to be on the same page and able to share everything we are with each other, completely. Think how much better it will be with both of us feeling the same way. Sex without love can be lots of fun, but it's ultimately an empty experience."

"Yeah, but it's one of the best empty experiences." Spike smiled. At her un-amused expression, he said, "Just a joke, luv. It was a Woody Allen quote, you set me up for it."

"Boy, you sure are full of helpful quotes tonight, ain't ya?" She rolled her eyes and blew out a breath. "I knew you wouldn't be happy with waiting... but I was hoping you'd understand." She pouted.

Spike stopped and thought before he said anything else. His first instinct was to try like mad to change Buffy's mind -- he wanted her so bad right now he might explode if they didn't shag immediately. But... he had to try acting more thoughtful, more civilized, if he wanted to be her man. He had to put her wishes and needs first (though his own needs were hard to ignore, especially since they were currently putting a heavy strain on the zipper of his jeans).

Spike took a deep breath and swallowed, ordering himself to not act like a barbarian. "I... understand. I'll go along with it if that's what you want."

"You do? You will?" Buffy asked, wondering if he really would be okay with her plan.

"Yeah... and once I get my libido to shut the bloody hell up, I'll be happier that you want to actually build something real with me. You don't want me just for my hot, tight little body." He smiled and poked the tip of his tongue out. "Which, by the way, is yours anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- just say the bloody word."

Buffy smiled and put her arms around him. "I do want your hot, tight little body, believe me. But I need to work up to that level of closeness. I think waiting is better than just... just doing it right away; waiting makes it more special. There's all kinds of anticipation and a buildup of lust."

"I've got the anticipation and the lusty buildup already... but I'll be a good boy. It's just not gonna be easy for me... I want you, I crave you. I want to feel your bare skin sliding against mine; I want to explore every plane and crevice of your body with my eyes... hands... and mouth." His eyes caressed her, wandering over her face and down her body, as he thought how glorious it would be to do all the things to her he'd imagined so many times.

"I want to give you everything, Buffy. I want to take your body to heights you've never touched before... make you feel things you've never even dreamed of. I long to make you mine, to take you into the heavens and dance with you amongst the stars."

Buffy's eyes were glazing over, her brain was saying, 'Ohh yes, I want that! Gimme that!' But she kept herself under control and merely said, "Uh-huh," as she stared into his smoldering blue eyes.

"I love you so much, Buffy. And I want you to feel completely ready to give all of yourself to me. I'm a lucky bloke just to touch such a golden beauty for even a brief moment," Spike said, cupping and gently caressing her cheek.

Buffy smiled and hugged him. "You can be so sweet and understanding. I love seeing this side of you."

Spike prayed for the strength to be 'sweet and understanding' for an indeterminate period of time. He told himself to just try appreciating how lucky he was that Buffy had feelings for him; it would happen eventually, and their relationship would be even stronger for the waiting. He inhaled the scent of her hair (green apple shampoo, if he wasn't mistaken) and held her snugly in his arms. "I'll wait for you forever, if that's what it takes." Then he whispered in her ear, "But please... don't make me wait forever, yeah?"

Buffy pulled back and laughed. "I won't keep you waiting forever, I promise. In fact..." she gave him a soft kiss on the lips, "you saying sweet things might make it happen a lot sooner..." Buffy added quickly, "But not 'soon' as in tonight or the next few days, so don't start laying the sweet-talk on thick thinking you'll 'score' tonight."

Spike pursed his lips, smiling slightly. "You're gonna make me earn my abstinence badge, eh?"

"I swear I'm not doing this as some kind of test for you. And it's not because I don't want you, 'cause I do..."

A naughty voice in her head whispered, 'Are you crazy?! Spike's hot, tight body can be all yours, and you're saying no? He wants to take you dancing amongst the stars! Jump him! You're super-horny and he's more than willing. Rip his clothes off with your teeth and ride him like a pony!'

Buffy had to stop and concentrate to get the naughty voice to be quiet, and reaffirm her resolve to wait. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"Waiting for 'perfect'... that might have us waiting a very long time. I'm not askin' this to put pressure on you, but... is there any timetable on how long you'll be wanting to... wait?"

"I wish I could tell you I'll be ready in a day or a week or whatever, but I don't know. Just... try to be patient with me, okay?"

Spike chuckled. "As you know, I have many virtues, but patience ain't one of 'em, pet. But... I'll do my best."

"Thank you." Buffy said with a teasing smile, "My grandma used to say 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'. How do I know you won't be satisfied after just one time with me?" She was actually a bit worried that would turn out to be true, but she was trying to laugh it off.

Thoughts of previous men she’d trusted flashed through her mind… Parker, Angel -- even Riley had eventually gotten tired of her and left; the possibility that one time was all Spike wanted frightened her more than she cared to admit. What if she just wasn’t any good? What if he mocked her like Angel had afterwards or just ‘took a poke’ and moved on like Parker? Buffy really didn’t think she could handle it if anything like that happened again. Spike seemed sincere, but did they really know each other? Apart from trading well-aimed barbs back and forth, they’d never really talked seriously before the whole Dru thing.

Spike laughed and shook his head, thinking she was out of her mind if she thought he'd have his fill after just one go. "I can guaran-bloody-tee that's not gonna happen, Buffy. Sleeping with you will be addictive, and I'll be needin' a regular fix. What I'm sayin' is: I want you. I want the cow."

"Aww, there you go saying sweet things again." She laughed, forcing her thoughts away from the past and back to the present, and gave him another kiss. She looked around. "Come on, we can't stay here talking on the sidewalk all night." She went and picked up the cardboard box. "Let's go."

Spike sighed and followed her. Waiting to be with Buffy was going to be a true test of his willpower, which was another of his less used virtues, but he knew in his heart that Buffy was worth any amount of waiting.

He fell into step beside her. "The first kiss of the night you gave me back at the crypt really was somethin' else," Spike said with a smile. "I didn't expect you to be all over me like..."

"A monkey on a cupcake?" Buffy supplied.

Spike laughed. "A what?"

"I've heard that monkeys go coo-coo for cupcakes."

"Alright... then yeah, you were on me like a monkey on a cupcake. I didn't know you could do that."

"Do what?"

"Kiss with so much... passion and ferocity. I know you're a passionate woman, I can see it when you fight; you show your dedication to your calling and your family every bloody day, but I didn't know you had that kind of kiss in you. Was all I could do to keep standing upright when you kissed me, thought my legs were gonna give out."

"There's more where that came from," Buffy said, blushing. Spike saying things like that definitely helped her confidence. "I don't know what it is about you, but I haven't kissed like that often -- or at all -- in the past. You just make me want to..."

"To what?" he asked, cocking his scarred brow.

"To do things we're waiting to do."

Spike was really trying to be good and commit himself to waiting as long as it took for Buffy to be ready. But by the sounds of it, she was already 'ready'.

As if reading his mind, Buffy said, "My body's ready -- and the part of my brain that only cares about sex is ready. But I want my heart to be all in it too."

Spike sighed. "Yeah... I think I understand. Regular kissing is good, but maybe we shouldn't do any more power-snogging, like the one you planted on me back at the crypt. I don't know if I'll be able to control my libido under those circumstances. I was putty in your hands after that kiss -- made me do a bloody U-turn with that 'we shouldn't be together' bollocks."

"My power-snogs have the ability to make even the most stubborn of vampires give in to anything I want, huh? That's good to know." Buffy smiled. Maybe this would work out okay, after all. Maybe she just hadn't found the right man -- maybe Spike was that man... maybe...

---

They were coming up on Buffy's house. She was relieved to see her friends' cars were gone, she wanted Spike to have a nice visit with her mom and Dawn for tonight. Telling her friends that she and Spike were going to be dating could wait until tomorrow... That was gonna be a fun conversation, as in 'not'! Buffy hoped that they could deal with it and not give her a hard time. After their talk on the way home, she felt even better about her and Spike's chances of having a real, solid relationship -- they might actually be able to make each other happy. But she still didn't want to jump into anything too deep too fast.

They stopped on the sidewalk in front of her yard.

"Well, here we are," Spike said.

"Yep."

"S'pose I'll be goin' now... I'll see you sometime tomorrow?"

"You don't have to leave just yet, do ya?" Buffy asked, smiling and putting the box down on the grass. She gently pushed him until his back was against the tree in front of her house.

"Well, I could stay a bit longer." Spike smirked.

"I want to kiss you again, but will it be too hard?"

"Before I answer that question, I want to make sure what you mean by it and hard."

Buffy giggled and swatted him playfully on the chest. "I meant, will making out with me be too difficult for you because we're waiting before we... take our relationship further."

"We've gotta at least kiss or I'll lose my bloody mind. It's only the power-snogs we should avoid. And I can deal with any problems that... arise, myself."

They wrapped their arms around each other and locked lips again. Spike would think he'd dreamt the whole evening, but it obviously wasn't one of his dreams or fantasies -- if it were, he and Buffy would be naked and rutting like weasels by now. But just holding her in his arms, and feeling the passion in her kiss and embrace, was enough to let him feel like he could die happy.

"You're sure about this... about wanting to be with me? Dating, boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff?" Spike asked between kisses.

"Mmmhmm," Buffy murmured against his lips.

"You won't change your mind? 'Cos I don't think I could bear it... it would literally dust me."

She pulled back slightly and shook her head. "I won't change my mind."

"You won't yank the football away?"

"I won't yank..." Buffy was still smiling, but furrowed her brow. "Football?"

"Never mind, luv." He smiled and pulled her to him again. Spike mumbled as they kissed, "I swear... I intended to do what I thought was the right thing and stay away from you. I only want the best for you, pet."

"Having good intentions is better than actually doing the thing you intended to do," Buffy said, continuing to kiss him.

"It is?"

"Sure, why not! Shut up and kiss me."

They kissed deeply, soulfully. Buffy kept her arms around his neck, her hands idly tangling his hair. Spike's hands roamed over her back and sides. He kept his hands away from her naughty bits for the most part, he forgot himself and fondled her bum once or twice. Buffy wasn't complaining about it though. She also didn't complain when his hands made contact with the sides of her breasts. Spike wanted to feel her up good an' proper, but he contented himself with just brushing his hands over the sides of her breasts. And since Buffy wasn't objecting, he reckoned she liked it and didn't think it went over the line.

With her mind getting fogged with lust and her body heating up under Spike's attentions, Buffy was starting to reconsider all that 'waiting to sleep together' nonsense...

Spike's half-open eyes were drawn to the front porch as they kissed. He noticed the porch light flicker on and off, and then broke the kiss. "I just saw the light go on and off a few times -- you havin' electrical problems?"

Buffy looked back over her shoulder. "Oh... I think we've been spotted."

"Spotted?"

She sighed and reluctantly took a step back. "Turning the porch light on and off was a subtle way my parents invented to tell me to come in the house if I was out playing after dark when I was a kid, and then when I was older when I'd come home from a date and spend some time talking to or kissing my boyfriend outside."

Spike straightened up and smoothed back his hair, trying to look unflustered if Joyce or Dawn were peering at them from a window. He hoped Joyce hadn't been looking when his hands had strayed down to Buffy's ass... "Well, I guess this is goodnight, then."

"Well, there is one more thing you could stick around for." Buffy fixed her slightly rumpled clothing and smoothed back her own hair.

"What's that, luv?"

"My mom and Dawn said they'd like to thank you for helping me get away from Dru. It'll only take a minute."

Spike looked down and stuffed his hands down in the pockets of his duster. "Nah, that's alright."

"They really want to thank you."

He absently kicked at an old cigarette butt leftover from one of his late night vigils at the tree. "You relayed their thanks, that's good enough."

"Is this you being modest? What is it?" Buffy asked, poking him in the arm.

"No, definitely not that -- I don't think I'm even capable of modesty. I didn't have much time to gussy m'self up before I left the crypt, and I prefer to look my best for them." That was part of the reason for his reluctance; the other part was that Spike felt guilty for stealing things from their house. He wouldn't want Joyce and Dawn to think he'd only been using them to get closer to Buffy, he genuinely cared for all the Summers women.

She chuckled. "You still look great with little effort... you bastard. You know, there might be a cake in your future..."

Spike looked up interestedly. "They'd make a cake for me?"

"There was talk of cake. And I know there's a pint of rocky road ice cream with your name on it. Dawn bought it 'cause she knows you like it."

"I told Dawn that was one of my favorites, she remembered." He smiled.

"Of course she remembered," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes.

"What do you mean 'of course'?"

"She... uh..." Buffy didn't want to piss Dawn off by telling Spike about her crush. "I mean, she just likes you. You're her friend, so she remembers that kind of stuff."

"She's a sweet girl."

"Yep, she is... in an annoying kid sister kind of way. But she does have her moments," Buffy joked.

"Alright... I s'pose I can drop in for a minute."

They started up the front walk.

His gait slowed when something occurred to him. "Wait... did you tell them about the shrine?"

"Um..." Buffy bit her lip.

"Right!" Spike said, spinning around and stomping away from the house.

Buffy dropped her box of stuff again and went after him, grabbing the bottom half of his duster that was billowing out behind him, and pulling back on it to keep him from getting too far. Spike strained to keep walking forward despite her hold on him.

"Come on, Spike, don't go! So they know about it, so what?"

"So what?" Spike asked incredulously, stopping and turning around to face her. "Yeah, I'm sure they'll be real cordial to me after they know what a pervy bastard I am." He ran a hand back through his hair. He felt downright panicky at the thought of facing Buffy's mother now. He groaned, "Bloody hell, Buffy... Why'd you have to tell them everything?"

"I didn't tell them everything -- I left a lot of stuff out, like the... biting. I left the shrine part out of the story when I first told them... but my mom made me tell her."

Spike looked at her and arched an eyebrow. "She made you tell? How'd she do that exactly? Bamboo shoots under the fingernails? The Chinese water torture?"

"Well... she used her psychic mom powers and she knew something happened between us that I wasn't telling her. I didn't want to lie right to her face, Spike. She pulled it out of me, I couldn't help it. You're really that afraid of what my mom might say to you? She's not an ogre, ya know?"

"I'm not afraid of her... but it's like I told you before, I actually like Joyce. It's just that... your mum and Dawn were the only two people who treated me like a person and not a freak, like the rest of your gang does. I don't give a toss what anyone thinks of me... 'cept you... and your mum and sis." Spike glanced warily at the house. "I don't want to go in there and see that look in their eyes that tells me they see me for what I really am now..."

"What they'll see is the guy who went against the love of his life and saved my life. Would you stop being so hard on yourself? Did you get re-souled while I wasn't looking? All your self-flagellation and broodiness is throwing me for a loop."

"I haven't eaten any Gypsies lately, so no," he muttered. "An' I'm not broody."

"Would Mom and Dawn want to thank you or bake you cakes if they didn't like you anymore?"

He shrugged as he studied a very interesting crack in the sidewalk, unable to meet her eyes.

Buffy kissed his cheek softly. "It'll be fine, Spike. I promise. Mom said she wasn't happy about all that shrine stuff, but she still likes you."

Spike looked up at her with doubt in his eyes. "How can she still like me after that? I'd kill the bastard who did that to my daughter..."

"She just likes you. She thinks the same way about you that I do now, that you can be a great guy with the right guidance and encouragement -- and my mom's a good judge of character. She's way more grateful that you saved my life than she is mad. She's not going to yell at you or anything," Buffy assured him. "And Dawn's opinion of you hasn't changed either."

Spike made a grumbling sound and looked back down at the ground.

"Do I have to power-snog you again to get you to do what I want?" Buffy teased.

Spike looked up at her, smiling slightly. "Don't resort to pullin' out the big guns, luv. I'll..." He stood up straight and squared his shoulders. "I'll face the bloody music."

Buffy breathed out in relief. She never expected trying to convince Spike to be her boyfriend or trying to convince him to go into her house would be so hard. It was exhausting! She went to pick up the cardboard box again.

"You're gonna be carrying the box... your mum is gonna comment on it," Spike said uneasily.

"I can put it next to my old 'sneakin' out of the house' tree here and climb out and get it later." She looked at him to see if he liked that plan better.

Spike nodded. "If you wouldn't mind. She might mention that I nicked things from you, but there's no reason to remind her of it straightaway."

They walked up the porch steps after she left the box at the base of the tree.

"Your mum isn't using the thanking me thing just so she can lure me into the house to hit me on the head with an axe again, is she?" Spike asked jokingly.

Buffy laughed as she opened the front door. "No, it's not a trap. I don't think she even keeps her axe in the living room anymore," Buffy teased. At Spike's worried expression, she added quickly, "Joke, Spike... lighten up!"

"Mom, I'm back," Buffy called cheerfully, heading for the kitchen. "And I brought someone with me who wants to say --"

When Buffy entered the house, Spike took a deep breath, preparing for what might be an awkward conversation with Joyce, and then started forward through the door -- only to bounce face-first off an invisible barrier at the threshold.

He was momentarily stunned from his nose and forehead colliding with what felt like a brick wall, and stumbled backwards. He lost his footing and fell on his ass on the porch. "Bloody hell!" Spike yelled, putting a hand to his aching nose.

Buffy spun around. "Spike!" She rushed back out the door and crouched beside him. "Are you okay? What happened?" Then her eyes widened when she remembered about the dis-invite spell. She thought, 'Oh no, I forgot to invite him in again! No, I said 'come in, Spike'... didn't I? I know I said it!'

"I don't know what the bloody hell happened!" Spike growled, holding his bleeding nose. He was still sitting on the porch, too confused and dazed to stand up yet. "I was just tryin' to follow you and..."

Dawn and Joyce came out of the kitchen to see what was going on. They hurried to the front door.

"Are you alright, Spike?" Joyce asked. "What happened?"

Dawn figured it out quickly. "Buffy, did you forget to invite him in? How could you forget?!"

"I-I remembered!" Buffy insisted, though she was becoming more convinced that she had forgotten, and she felt like shit for it. She took Spike's arm and helped him back up to his feet. The dis-invite spell had completely slipped her mind -- after the emotional talks with Spike this evening, combined with the red-hot kisses, her brain had turned to mush.

"I don't need an invite after the first time it's given, Platelet," Spike said, still wondering what the hell had happened. On top of the confusion and ebbing pain in his nose and forehead, he was embarrassed about falling on the porch. He normally had the reflexes of a cat, and wasn't prone to falling down like some uncoordinated drunkard.

Dawn's brows formed a V, she looked at Buffy. "You didn't tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Spike asked, looking from one sister to the other.

Joyce tried diffusing the situation when she saw how anxious Buffy looked. "Spike, I wanted to thank you for helping Buffy the other night. I can't tell you how grateful we all are."

Spike was distracted (as Joyce had hoped he would be) and smiled at her. "Yeah, well... you don't have to thank me, Joyce. I've always got Buffy's back, no worries."

Dawn rushed into the living room and then came back with a Kleenex, handing it to Spike.

"Thanks." Spike took the tissue and wiped the blood from his nose. He figured it was more polite than licking his nose blood; he didn't want to gross out Dawn and Joyce like he had Buffy that one time. Spike's distraction from the issue at hand didn't last long, he was puzzled and wanted to know why he hadn't been able to enter the house.

He looked at Dawn. "You seem to have an idea why it is I bounced off the threshold, Sweetbreads. Want to clue me in?"

Dawn swallowed, her eyes darting to Buffy for a moment. Buffy looked kinda panicky, but Dawn couldn't lie to Spike. "Willow cast a dis-invite spell on the house. Buffy must've forgotten about it." She wanted to add, 'I don't know *how* she could've forgotten, though. It's a really stupid thing to forget!'

"Why would Red...?" Spike began, then trailed off and looked at Buffy, tilting his head. He could see guilt written all over her face.

Buffy gave herself a mental kick in the ass. Spike's expression broke her heart. Confusion, shame, and embarrassment warred it out on his face. But it was the hurt she saw in his eyes that got to her the most. It was plain that Spike was deeply hurt at realizing Buffy had actually taken that drastic step to keep him out of her home, and ultimately out of her life.

Buffy had thought the difficult and bad part was over -- Spike had lightened up and they'd made with some very nice smoochies on their way to her house. But now things had turned rotten again all because she'd forgotten one little, but extremely important, detail.

At the palpable escalation of tension Joyce spoke up again, "Spike, why don't you come in and --"

Spike shook his head and tried smiling at Joyce. "No thanks, 'fraid I can't sit an' visit," he said thickly. He had to get out of there before he made a bigger fool out of himself and let a tear fall. "I've gotta be going. Places to go, people to see. Thanks for the invite -- little late, but still much appreciated."

Spike turned and went quickly back down the porch steps.

---

"Spike, wait!" Buffy called, going after him.

Joyce closed the front door to give Buffy a bit of privacy for the argument that was about to happen.

Spike didn't stop walking, but Buffy caught up with him before he left the yard. She ran around in front of him and made him stop.

Buffy held up her hands. "I'm sorry, okay? I forgot about the spell."

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" Spike asked, his expression stony. "You let me look -- and feel -- like a complete prat!"

"I forgot about it! I'm sorry," Buffy repeated. "People forget things sometimes, y'know? I've had a few things on my mind lately."

"Did you let me bounce off the doorway on purpose? Is that it?" Spike asked tightly, clenching and unclenching his jaw, his eyes glistening. "Did you want to put me in my place by showing me you can shut me out at any time? Did you do it for a larf? Did you do it to hurt me because of the way I hurt you? Congratulations, Slayer, you're a fucking expert at pullin' that football away at the last moment."

Buffy had no idea what the football thing was about, she focused on the rest of what he said. "I did not do it on purpose! You have to know that, Spike. After everything I've said to you tonight, you have to know I wouldn't hurt you like that. You're as bad as I am at jumping to wrong conclusions. I had Willow do the spell before Dru kidnapped me -- it was before I let myself really see you."

"You mean, it was before you let gratitude and some touchy-feely dreams change your mind about me again. You knew what I was then, a monster, and you were properly disgusted by me havin' feelings for you."

At first, Spike thought Buffy had the spell done after the shrine incident. He thought she'd been so afraid of him and what he might do to her and her family that she'd taken extreme measures, and that brought back all the self-loathing he'd felt the past few days. But it wasn't much better knowing she'd had Willow cast the spell before the kidnapping by Drusilla even took place. All those negative, awful things he'd thought about himself came flooding back into his mind. He was once again reminded that he didn't deserve a woman like Buffy; he wasn't worthy of her.

Buffy couldn't deny that, at the time she'd asked Willow to do the spell, she really had been disturbed at just the thought that Spike could be in love with her. "I'm not blind when it comes to you now like I was then. I said I was sorry, Spike."

"That's the thing, luv: you don't have to be sorry. You were taking precautions to keep an obsessed psychopath out of your house -- you were being smart." Spike laughed miserably. "You didn't even know how right you were to do the spell at the time -- I'd been stealing your stuff and stalking you for a long while at that point. You shoulda done the spell long ago. You should 'ave Red do it again."

"I told you, that was before the whole thing with Dru chaining me up. It was before I knew how you really felt. It was before I knew you were capable of changing for the better, before I knew you were capable of truly loving me."

"It was before you let gratitude and sentiment interfere with your decision-making process. You knew better then."

Buffy rubbed her forehead and sighed. "God, Spike, will you please just stop it?"

"Good thing I didn't know about you doing the dis-invite when this all started, eh?" Spike laughed again. "Maybe I wouldn't have tried quite so hard to bust you out of the mansion." That was a lie, of course. Spike would've saved Buffy no matter what, but right now he was hurt, reeling, and felt humiliated.

Buffy frowned, tears stung her eyes. "...You don't mean that. You didn't know about the dis-invite, but you had no reason to think I'd ever choose to be with you."

Spike smiled ruefully. "Ah, but you forget what a vindictive, demented bastard I am, Slayer -- it woulda made a difference. Knowin' you shut me out and snubbed me woulda made me bloody well seethe."

"I don't believe you would've let me die in that mansion, even if you knew about the spell," Buffy said, her voice shaky.

He snorted and shook his head. "Believe whatever the fuck you want, doesn't matter to me. You didn't revoke my invitation for years, and I always wondered why that was. After all the nasty things I've done to you and your mates, you didn't take away my invite. And what finally tipped the scales? Your little sis telling you that I might possibly be in love with you. My hatred was fine with you, but my love disgusted you enough to finally shut me out.

"If I hate you and everything you stand for, that's alright with you; but if I dare to actually have the gall to love you, you want me out of your life. Bloody brilliant!"

Buffy's frustration boiled over. "You know what? I'm exhausted from trying to finesse you all damn night. I'm surprised I'm not freakin' hoarse from trying to convince you we should be together and that I care about you! You want to leave so bad? Then leave! I'm tired of this shit!" Buffy crossed her arms angrily and turned her back to him.

Spike gave her an acidic look (which was lost on her since she wasn't looking at him), and then turned on his heel and walked swiftly away, leather duster flapping out behind him dramatically.

After ten seconds went by without Spike saying anything, Buffy turned her head to see him walking away. "Hey!" Buffy called, frowning. "You weren't supposed to actually leave! Get back here! Spike!"

She scowled at his retreating back as he completely ignored her, cut through a neighbor's yard and disappeared from view behind a house.

"Dammit!" Buffy put her hands to her temples and rubbed.

This was not how she envisioned the night ending...

---

Buffy hung up her jacket, and then stomped into the kitchen and went to the sink to get a glass of water, grumbling about "stupid, overly sensitive vampires". Joyce was sitting at the island with a cup of tea, and Dawn was standing near the refrigerator, both were wondering what to say.

"It didn't go well, I take it?" Joyce asked delicately.

"No, it did not." Buffy leaned back against the counter. "Spike's so damn touchy and stubborn! And he's paranoid, too! He actually asked me if I did that to trick him or to teach him some kind of lesson... It took so much work to get him here and it had to end like that... This sucks!"

"You really hurt Spike's feelings, Buffy," Dawn reprimanded her.

"Thanks, I hadn't figured that out, Dawn." Buffy rolled her eyes.

Dawn had given Buffy her blessing to be with Spike, but she couldn't help but feel protective of him (and a teensy bit jealous). She crossed her arms. "If I was his girlfriend, I never would've hurt his feelings like that."

"You're a 14-year-old kid and he has zero interest in you -- so I guess we'll never find out if that's true or not," Buffy replied testily.

Dawn narrowed her eyes, but then a small, malicious smile appeared on her face. "Yeah... I guess I'm really more Angel's type, huh? He likes jailbait."

"Dawn!" Joyce chastised her, surprised.

Buffy's mouth dropped open too. "That was really low, Dawn."

Dawn shrugged. "And calling me a stupid kid and saying Spike wouldn't look twice at me wasn't low? You know how much I like him!"

"I didn't say you were stupid. And what's Spike been telling you? Has he been talking trash about Angel to you?" Buffy didn't like the idea of Spike trying to poison Dawn's mind against Angel -- she knew Spike was still very much liable to do something like that, no matter how much he'd changed.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, I can't form opinions all by myself -- someone has to tell me what to think. Spike doesn't even like the mention of Angel's name -- all my info was gathered from other sources. Fact: Angel was perving on you way back when you still went to Hemery. Fact: He was 240 years old, pretended to be all cultured, well-read and stuff, but he was interested in a 15-year-old high school girl -- I'm sure he was only interested in having intellectual discussions with you. You guys had nothing in common. Fact: He hung around, followed you, and --"

"That's enough, Dawn!" Buffy said brusquely.

"That's enough out of both of you girls!" Joyce interrupted them. "What's wrong with the two of you? Snapping at and being just plain mean to each other like that over men. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

They both looked down, feeling suddenly guilty for behaving that way and saying what they'd said; they'd let their emotions get the best of them and realized how mean they'd been. They mumbled, "Sorry, Mom."

"Apologize to each other," Joyce said sternly.

The sisters sighed, looked at each other and apologized sincerely. Their mother still looked cranky, so they gave each other a little hug and apologized again.

"That's better." Joyce got up from the table. "I don't want to hear you two talking to each other like that ever again. You hear me?"

They nodded.

"What I said was way out of line... I really am sorry, Buffy," Dawn said.

"Me too." She hugged Dawn again. "I'm just having a really frustrating night... I'm sorry I took it out on you. I've had enough rides on emotional rollercoasters to last several lifetimes."

"I had a flare-up of my Spoiled Brat Syndrome," Dawn joked. "I promise I won't say stuff like that again... I'm still okay with you and Spike going out. I just kind of felt... protective of him 'cause he got hurt and he looked so sad..."

"I don't think you have to worry about me going out with Spike -- I'm done chasing him." Buffy raised her nose in the air. "I'm not gonna go crawling to him and begging forgiveness again. I never had to work this frickin' hard to get a guy, who's supposedly madly in love with me, to ask me for a date. If he stops acting like a baby and wants to talk, he knows where to find me."

"Well... Spike's sensitive, and you hurt his feelings -- unintentionally. It might take him a while before he's ready to talk to you again," Dawn pointed out.

Buffy shrugged and casually rearranged the storage jars on the kitchen counter, acting indifferent. "Whatever."

"Can I feel secure leaving the room now?" Joyce asked. "You two aren't going to start arguing again?"

"We're fine, Mom," they droned.

"You'd better be. I'm going upstairs to take a bath before bed." Joyce gave them another cautioning look, then went upstairs.

"You really forgot about the dis-invite spell?" Dawn asked, sitting down at the island.

Buffy groaned. "Yes, I'm just that stupid and I really forgot about the spell. I was going to tell Spike I had Willow cast the spell, I really was -- but there wasn't a good time to bring it up. He was so broody and depressed when I first went to talk to him... And then I just forgot. I could swear I invited him in though..."

"You know, Spike's really hot," Dawn said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I noticed. And?"

"And if you don't close the deal, some other skank could swoop in and try stealing him."

Buffy put her hands on her hips. "What do you mean by 'other skank'?"

"I meant like Harmony, not you," Dawn clarified. "You're totally un-skanky."

Buffy shook her head, dismissing the idea that Spike would go trolling for bimbos. "Spike could've had his pick of women since he's been in Sunnydale, and the best he could find was Harmony. He obviously wasn't even trying to find anyone better than her or he would've."

"Yeah, but now he's all upset and might be an easy target for a motivated bimbo."

"I don't care," Buffy said, trying to sound apathetic.

"You're really just gonna give up trying to talk to Spike?" It was incomprehensible to Dawn, she'd stop at nothing if she really had a chance of being Spike's cuddle bunny.

"I talked to him all damn night. I've got some pride left, y'know? I'm done."

"I wouldn't give up if I were you -- and yeah, I know he isn't interested in me and I don't have a snowball's chance in hell -- but if I had a chance, I wouldn't give up until he was mine."

"I just don't know what else I'm supposed to say or do, Dawnie," Buffy sighed, frustrated. "I tried everything I could think of. It was finally going great... right up to the point when he ran into the anti-vamp barrier. And I know I said, 'Come in, Spike'. Willow must've made it a super-powerful spell that requires multiple invites or something..."

Dawn doubted Willow had screwed up a simple dis-invite spell, but didn't want to say so. She only shrugged.

"I'm going to bed, Spike can do whatever, with whoever, he wants. I don't care anymore -- it's not worth the headaches he gives me. Who knew vampires could be so damn touchy?! One little innocent mistake and he's all off the deep end! He's a pain in the ass that I just don't need." Buffy walked out of the kitchen toward the stairs. She wanted to turn and go upstairs, but found herself walking on to the front door instead.

"Tell Spike I said hi." Dawn waved.

Buffy sighed and took her jacket back off the hook. "I will."

---

Spike didn't go back home right away. He was still out of just about everything and needed to hit the shops. First he stopped at Willy's and had a few pints, then he got into a proper fight to get out some of his bottled up aggression, then he went shopping.

Spike had some time to think about what happened at Buffy's house, and he felt badly for some of the things he'd said to her. Accusing Buffy of purposely not telling him about the spell was just plain stupid -- he knew in his heart she wouldn't do that, not after all the sweet things she'd said to him earlier. But he'd let his hyper-emotional and insecure side take over.

It still upset him that she'd had Willow cast the spell, she'd been that freaked out about him possibly being in love with her. But things really had changed a lot since then, Buffy didn't see him as nothing but a muzzled animal anymore, she cared about him... at least he thought she did.

But he'd also told Buffy he might not have saved her life if he'd known about the spell. That was a lie, but he'd still said it. Would he have been angry and hurt? Yes. Would he have let Buffy die? Definitely not. Spike had taken a lot of abuse from Buffy and her friends in the past and that hadn't stopped him from helping and protecting her when he could. Knowing about the spell would have wounded him, but it wouldn't have made him stop loving her.

Buffy was probably reevaluating the whole being attracted to him thing now. Maybe he'd try talking to her in a day or two, he wasn't in the mood for any more conversations tonight. If she did still care about him after what he'd said, he didn't know if the two of them should even try having a relationship. Perhaps they were just doomed from the start.

Spike's ego and feelings were still smarting, he needed some time to think things through before he felt ready to see Buffy again. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him lately -- he was thinking and feeling like he had a bloody soul. But he'd lost his soul long ago and it wasn't possible for a soul to come back without some sort of magick being involved. He wondered if falling in love with Buffy had planted a seedling of a soul within him, and now the seedling was starting to blossom.

"That'd be my soddin' luck... Didn't ask for a bloody soul." Spike started for home with his grocery bag of blood, smokes, and lots of whiskey.

---

Buffy was sitting on a tombstone near the crypt waiting for Spike to come home.

She wasn't really worried that Spike might have gone looking for another woman to bed, but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep with the way things were left between them. She wasn't going to let days go by without putting things right with Spike.

Part of her wanted to give up on the idea of getting together with Spike and think of it as dodging a major bullet -- imagine all the headaches he would've given her in the future. But a bigger part of Buffy thought that Spike was worth all this trouble and aggravation. She was a woman on a mission, and she wasn't going to quit until the air was cleared and Spike forgave her. Then they could embark on the next part of her plan... getting to know each other better... and more kissage... definitely more kissage.

Buffy was beginning to wonder if Spike was spending the night out (or maybe he did pick up a skank), when she heard the sound of someone approaching. She looked toward the entrance of the cemetery to see Spike on his way home, carrying a grocery bag.

She could hear bottles clanging together. 'Yeah, that's what he needs -- more booze,' she thought with a roll of her eyes.

When he got closer, Buffy stood up and brushed off the seat of her pants. "Well, look who finally decided to come home."

Spike stopped, hung his head back and groaned. He'd been lost in thought and didn't notice her until now; he hadn't expected to see her again tonight. "'M not in the mood for any more in-depth discussions, Slayer." He was trying to contain it, but seeing that she hadn't given up on him made warmth bloom in his chest and sent a tingle up his spine.

"I've been waiting here..." Buffy checked her wristwatch, "for almost an hour. I didn't wait all that time just to scurry away when you order me to."

"Sorry you wasted your time," he said dryly.

"It wasn't a total waste, I dusted two vamps while I was waiting. That counts as a patrol."

"Good on ya, Slayer." While Spike was happy to see her, he really didn't think he could handle any more emotional conversations tonight. He'd rather do this in a day or two, but Buffy, as usual, seemed to have a different opinion on the subject.

"You're back to calling me just 'Slayer' all the time again, huh?" Buffy asked. "You weren't supposed to leave when we were talking in front of my house, y'know? You were supposed to stay and make nice -- again."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "Even though you told me to leave, turned you your nose up and turned your back on me?"

Buffy shook her head. "You still don't understand women after 120 years?"

"I could live to be a thousand and still not understand you bloody women," Spike said, continuing on his way to the crypt.

Buffy followed him. "I think I understand you now."

Spike stopped and turned to face her. "Oh, think you have me figured out, do you?" he asked derisively. "How could you possibly know what makes me tick?"

"I should've said I understand you better than I did -- I could live to be a thousand and still not totally 'get' you. For so long, I only saw you as a bad guy who was forced to behave because of the chip. But you're like one of those 3-D paintings, you know the ones you have to look at a certain way and squint super hard to see the real picture?"

He responded by raising an eyebrow.

"It's a good analogy," Buffy defended with a frown. "It took what happened with Dru for me to squint at you and see what you try keeping hidden below the surface."

Spike looked at her suspiciously. "Have you been drinking?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "No. It's just something I was thinking about while sitting on the headstone and waiting for you, and trying to ignore how numb my ass was getting."

"Can we give the talkin' a rest for tonight?" Spike asked wearily, reaching out to open the crypt door. "I've really had enough; I'm knackered."

Buffy moved into the doorway and blocked him just as he was about to go inside. "I've forgiven you for a lot of stuff, Spike. Why can't you do the same for me? You really can't forgive me for the dis-invite spell?"

Spike looked into her eyes and then looked down. "There's really nothing to forgive. I'm not angry with you."

"It sure seems like anger to me."

Spike looked back up into her eyes. "I was brassed off when I ran into the barrier and realized what it was. I felt like a bloody fool... I thought the joke was on ol' Spike again and everyone would have a good laugh. But I've simmered down a bit since then."

"So you don't think I set you up to laugh at you or 'put you in your place' anymore? That accusation hurt, Spike." Buffy pouted slightly. "I thought you knew I wouldn't do something like that to you."

He shook his head, looking a bit guilty. "You were right about me jumping to the worst conclusions... I'm sorry I thought you'd do something like that to me after all the kind things you said earlier. I was just sorta... dazed and confused at the time.

"And... I didn't mean that other thing I said about... not helpin' you escape from Dru if I'da known about the spell. That was my bruised feelings and ego talkin', not me. I'm so sorry I hurt you again..." Spike sighed. "Why do we keep hurting each other?"

Buffy shook her head and shrugged. "We do have a talent for pissing each other off."

"I do love you, Buffy, that'll never change. Being with you would make me the happiest man on the planet. But maybe we're just not good for each other... We've gotten close and kissed a few times now, and just when everything seemed to be going well, we blew up on the bloody launch pad."

Buffy shrugged. "Maybe that just means we have to really want it. Spike… look, we’ve made a habit of tossing insults at each other for a long time and just letting them bounce off, now it seems we’ve swung one hundred and eighty degrees and any little thing that happens, even though it’s unintentional, is hurting our feelings. We need to find a middle ground where we can be comfortable and trust each other so we can move forward and build a real relationship. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to try to do that. We owe it to ourselves to at least try. I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't think you were worth it."

Sometimes Spike could swear he had a beating heart in his chest. Hearing Buffy say she thought he was worth the effort to make something real between them -- to build a relationship, and seeing the determination in her eyes, made him feel lightheaded as if his pulse was racing. "Mind if we take this inside? I want to put this bloody bag down."

Buffy opened the door and went inside, followed by Spike. He put the grocery bag down by his mini-fridge while Buffy made herself at home and sat on a sarcophagus.

"You don't think I'm afraid of things going horribly wrong between us again?" Buffy asked him. "And I don't just mean that I'm afraid you'll do something bad and/or stupid -- I'm worried about me screwing things up, too... like when I forgot about the dis-invite spell. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you feel stupid... but I did. None of my relationships have worked out. I blamed the guys I was with, but it's me -- there's something inside me that makes me... unlovable." She looked down sadly. "I think there might be something wrong with me."

He frowned and shook his head. "Piffle. No, luv, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't let what that ponce Finn did make you think it's you who has the problem. He was lacking, not you!" Spike said hotly. "You deserve a mate whose manhood isn't threatened by your strength and abilities, you don't need some insecure little wanker who can't stand the fact that his woman could wipe the floor with him. And he was too bloody needy, thinkin' he should come first in your life above all else. He didn't understand you or your calling, Buffy. Don't blame yourself for his shortcomings."

Buffy looked up at him, smiling a bit. "Riley wasn't the right guy for me, that's obvious to me now. And it really was for the best that he left, even though it hurt at the time. I've got a feeling you're the right guy for me, Spike; I can see everything pretty clearly now. So you'd better stop turning me away before I get really cranky -- you wouldn't like me when I'm cranky."

Spike smiled and snorted. "I've seen it... and no, I don't wanna see you cranky again." He took the containers of blood out of the bag and put them in the fridge. "You know what's really been naggin' at me?" Buffy shook her head. "You went so quickly from hating me to liking me, and then back to hating me again after you saw the shrine... and now you're back to fancying me again -- who's to say it won't happen again? Next time you get brassed off am I gonna find myself bouncing off the threshold again?"

"That won't happen," Buffy promised sincerely. "I've been an emotional yo-yo lately, but I'm done going back and forth now. I know what I want. I want you, Spike. I think we could have something amazing if we can just get past these bumps in the road."

He smiled, then sighed. "I wish I felt as confident about it... What if I bollix something up again? It is me, after all -- I'm bound to do something bloody stupid sooner or later. What if I can't control my impulses and do something you don't approve of? I don't want to hurt or disappoint you again..."

"If anybody can fight their bad impulses, you can. The fact that you even care if you hurt me or might disappoint me in the future shows how different you are than other vampires, and how much you've changed since we first met. You're special... That's special-special, not the 'riding the short bus to school' kind of special."

Buffy got up and walked over to him, wanting to look him in the eye. "I saw your strength when you went against Dru to help me. You fought your demon and won. You did the right thing and chose to save me even though you didn't think anything would ever happen between us. You chose me over having your old life with her back. You have the strength inside you to live any way you want. I believe in you, Spike."

Spike smiled and tilted his head, his eyes welled with tears of happiness. Her saying those words to him brought everything into focus again. Buffy believed in him, so he should believe in himself, too. "You mean that?"

"I really do. I thought I told you that before, but there's a good chance it was Dream Spike."

His smiled widened. "Dream Spike was a lucky bloke." First, Spike had been jealous of himself in Buffy's Dru-induced hallucination, and now he was jealous of his dream-self. The real Spike was happy to finally be getting some of that encouragement and affection from Buffy too.

Buffy smiled. "Dream Spike was a very passionate, very naughty, very sweet bloke. He made a crude comment to me and my evil twin, but other than that he was great." She put her arms around his neck. "But I think the real you will prove to be even more interesting." Buffy was about to kiss him when she stopped and asked, "How's your nose?" She gently touched, then kissed the tip of his nose. "Did you get hurt too bad when you ran into the anti-vamp barrier or when you fell?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "I think I'm a bit tougher than that, Buffy. The only thing really hurt was my pride..." He added with a slight smile, "...and my nose... and bits of my spine when I fell on my ass."

Buffy traced the outline of a red mark on his cheek from the fight he'd been in. "Looks like you ran face-first into someone's fist a few times since I saw you last, too."

"Yeah... I had a disagreement with a few large demons. I find that getting into a brawl helps when I've got inner turmoil and problems to suss out."

"I have to admit, dusting those vamps while I was waiting for you made me feel a little better too. See? We have stuff in common." Buffy grinned and wriggled against him, pressing his back against the wall.

Spike held her in his arms, moving his hands slowly over her back and hardly believing he could be lucky enough to catch Buffy's fancy without the aid of magick. "You really think two crazy, unlucky in love sods like us can make a go of it?"

"Let's be real: We're both going to do stupid and/or thoughtless things in the future. We just have to have faith in each other and try not to get bitchy."

"Sounds like a challenge." Spike smirked and held her tighter. "I like a challenge."

"So do I. That's another thing we have in common."

They smiled and kissed softly.

"I don't wanna hear any more of that 'I'm not worthy' crap from you, or that I deserve better than you. Got it?" Buffy said with a light tone, but clearly meaning it.

Spike shook his head. "No more of that bollocks, I promise. I know I can make you happy, pet." He was through being worried and beating himself up over things he couldn't change. Buffy wanted him and Spike knew that, with her love, he was strong enough to fight his demon and be the man she deserved.

"And I don't want to hear any more of that 'there's something wrong with me -- I'm unlovable' bollocks from you, either," Spike challenged and Buffy nodded slowly, a small smile gracing her lips.

"So, no more broody Spike then?" she teased.

He narrowed his eyes, but was still smiling. "Told you, 'm not broody."

The next day, Buffy went to the Magic Box to see her friends. She asked Spike to let her tell the others about them being an official couple without him there. Spike had a bad temper, to put it mildly, Buffy knew someone would say something to set him off; it was probably going to be tough enough to control her own temper, she didn't need to worry about Spike's too. Plus, she didn't want him getting another attack of the 'I'm not worthy's by having to hear her friends say negative things about Buffy getting involved with him.

Spike had wanted to go to the Magic Box with her (mostly just to see the looks on her friends' faces and gloat a bit), but he understood her wanting to 'break the news' to them by herself. So he waited at the crypt for Buffy to come to him and tell him how it went. He was nervous; he knew how much her friends meant to her. What if they could talk her out of being with him? But Spike vowed to not get bogged down in self-doubt and insecurity again. He believed Buffy cared for him and she wouldn't let her friends sway her. Still... the sitting around and waiting to hear how it went was difficult to say the least: waiting was another of Spike's under-used talents.

He tried occupying his mind by making final plans for the big date tomorrow night; he'd taken care of a lot of the details the night before, after Buffy left for home. He'd run around late night Sunnydale like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make the necessary arrangements. Spike didn't think two days was nearly enough time to plan the perfect, romantic date with Buffy, but he also didn't want to wait any longer than that to start the new phase of their relationship.

---

An hour into her visit to the shop, Buffy was surprised that none of her friends brought up the way she'd left the house in a rush the night before and they hadn't asked what she found when she got to Spike's place; she thought they would've had some follow-up questions which would give her the perfect opening to tell them about her and Spike. But then she realized that they were purposely not bringing any of that stuff up -- they had worried looks on their faces when they thought she wasn't looking at them.

Buffy answered questions they had about her kidnapping, leaving out bits her friends didn't need to know.

"Spike really came through for you," Tara observed, earning a frosty look from both Xander and Giles.

Buffy grinned. "Yeah, he did. I was blown away that he would do what he did for me, especially considering the way I've treated him."

"You treated him a lot better than he deserved," Xander grumbled, repeating his thoughts on the matter that he'd previously shared with Willow and Anya. "He did one good thing, one," Xander held up a finger to emphasize his point, "the whole time we've known him. I don't have enough fingers to count the number of bad things he's done."

"Well, the one was a big thing," Buffy pointed out. "Saving my life was pretty big, don't you think?"

"It's just a matter of time before Spike does something nasty and evil again. The chip doesn't change the fact that he's a soulless monster. I still would've dusted him after the chipping if I'd had anything to say about it."

"And I'd be dead right now if you had," Buffy stated matter-of-factly, leveling a gaze at him. She knew Xander would be the hardest to convince -- he'd never accepted Angel, even with a soul.

Her assertion that she'd be dead right now if not for Spike, and her cold stare made Xander look down guiltily.

"I want all of you to be nice to Spike from now on," Buffy said, looking to each of them. Anya, Willow and Tara nodded slowly, looking more surprised to hear Buffy saying it rather than upset. But Giles and Xander couldn't hide their discontent. "You have a problem with that, Xander?"

He grimaced. "It's just... being nice to Spike? I don't know if I'm physically capable of that."
"Call me crazy, but I'm grateful when someone saves my life. And me being one of your bestest friends in the whole wide world, I'd think you'd be a little grateful to Spike for helping me, too."

"I am, I'm downright ecstatic that you're okay, Buff. And I really am grateful that Spike helped you. I'm just cautious when it comes to that guy, and with damn good reason. Spike is always looking to get over on us -- on you, especially. How do you know it wasn't some kind of act to make you feel grateful to him?"
Buffy didn't like what Xander was implying, and she didn't believe it, either. She shook her head. "It wasn't an act, I know it wasn't. Everything Spike's said and done after Dru chained me up has shown me he deserves a chance at redemption. And you still owe him one for not believing him when he was telling the truth about helping me escape Dru's evil clutches."

Xander sighed. "Yeah, I know... Okay, I'll try to be nice. But Spike makes it really hard to be nice to him... he always says something to piss me off."

"I know he can be... hard to get along with, but all I'm asking is that you try. You tend to push his buttons a lot too, y'know; I want a lot less button pushing in the future. By the way, none of you asked, but Spike was fine when I went to see how he was last night. And the chip does work, so you don't have to worry about that."

"That's... good," Willow said carefully.

"I wanted to ask why you acted the way you did last night, but they said I shouldn't," Anya said resentfully, shooting Giles and Xander a look. Giles and Xander tried looking innocent. "It seemed like what you feel for Spike is a lot more than simple gratitude and acceptance. You seemed panicked, like it was someone you had feelings for that might be hurt, dead, or left town."

Buffy took a breath, preparing for their reactions to the next thing she was going to say. "Funny you should mention that, Anya... because I do have feelings for him. In fact... Spike and I are going to start dating."

The Scoobies just stared at her for several moments. This is what they'd been afraid of and had discussed before Buffy came to the shop today. Her reaction the previous night to the suggestion that Spike might have dusted himself or left Sunnydale had concerned them -- it looked an awful lot like Buffy was in love (or at least deeply in like) with Spike. And now Buffy was confirming those fears.

Buffy closed her eyes, put a hand to her forehead and massaged. "Stunned silence... yep, that's pretty much the reaction I expected. Well, I expected stunned silence followed by anger and shouting. Nobody has anything to say, huh? Nobody wants to yell at me? C'mon, you know ya want to."

"You're... serious?" Xander asked, finally finding his voice.

She chuckled. "It's not April Fool's Day, so yeah, I'm serious. I've got squishy feelings for Spike, and he's not shy about telling me how he feels about me, so... we're together now."

Xander swallowed and blinked, the gears in his mind were spinning as he tried to think of a way to talk her out of dating Spike. "Buffy... did some of Drusilla's crazy cooties jump onto you? No offense."

"Gee, why would I take offense to that?" Buffy said rolling her eyes and folding her arms across her chest.

Xander shook his head. "Spike? Dating? Dating Spike? What are...? How can...?"

Buffy attempted to be a little sympathetic to their points of view. "I know this is going to be weird for all of you, but Spike and I went through a lot together, I think of him so differently now. He can be one of the good guys, I know in my heart he can. If we encourage him and make him a part of the team, he can do great things. And he'll prove me right if all of you just give him a chance."

"That's... fine," Giles said cautiously. "But we can encourage Spike and try to include him... without you dating him."

"I'm sorry, Giles... I know you don't like it, but Spike's my boyfriend now. I have a really good feeling about the two of us -- don't ask me why, I just do. We're going out on our first date tomorrow night."

Anya said, "I like Spike, but you're taking a big risk, Buffy."

Buffy nodded. "I know, believe me, I know."

Anya continued, "You've had bad luck with men, and the one vampire you were with turned --"

"I said I know," Buffy talked over her. "Nobody knows how horrible my luck with men has been better than I do. I've thought about this and being with Spike is what I want. You can't talk me out of it, so please don't even try. All you'll do is piss me off."

"Your relationship with Angel was unorthodox, but Spike... he doesn't even have a soul, Buffy!" Giles pointed out in frustration.

"There are humans, with souls and everything, who wouldn't do what he did for me. Spike was ready to give everything up, including his own life, to save me. I don't know what it is -- a soul or a demony version of one -- but Spike has something that makes him special."

"You know what this is, don't you?" Xander asked seriously.

"No, please tell me. I'm all a' twitter with anticipation," Buffy said in a monotone.

"You're hurting and on the rebound from Riley. You made a bad dating decision because you want it to stop hurting... and Spike says that he loves you, so you're latching onto him. We understand that, Buffy, and we're here for you; you can talk to us."

The others nodded, showing they thought the same thing.

Buffy groaned at Xander playing therapist. "You guys must've talked a lot about the possibility of me dating Spike... interesting theory you have there, Doctor Harris. There's no need for an intervention, it has nothing to do with Riley and I'm not on the rebound. If anything, what happened with Riley just made it more terrifying for me to open my heart to anyone again."

"That doesn't make sense," Xander said. "You were afraid to start another relationship... and you chose to get into one with Spike -- the absolute worst person on the face of the earth you could get involved with?"

"I can't explain to you any better than I already have why I feel the way I do about Spike; I don't think anything I could say would change your opinions, anyway. I care about him a lot, I believe in him, and I hope you guys can learn to deal with it."

"God, you're talking like you're a teenage girl with her first crush..." Xander whined. "Hearing you talk like that about Spike makes my skin crawl. Were you taken over by a pod person? Are you Pod Buffy?"

"And on that note..." Buffy sighed, standing up. She stopped and looked at each of her friends. "I love all of you, you know that. But I care about Spike too. So please... please try to accept and respect my decision and trust me. I'm living for myself and doing what I think will make me happy -- when I'm not saving everyone else's asses and saving the world in general. I think I'm due a little happiness, don't you?"

No one answered her question. It saddened Buffy to see the unhappy looks on their faces, but her relationship with Spike wasn't up for debate -- she'd made up her mind and nothing they could say or do would change it. She had thought at least Willow would've been supportive, because Willow had been the one person who was encouraging to Buffy when she was with Angel. Tara looked more sympathetic than the rest of them. Buffy gave Tara a small, sad smile, then turned and left the shop.

"What do we do? We can't let her make another huge mistake," Xander said once the door closed behind Buffy.

"What can we do?" Giles sighed, taking off his glasses and polishing them. "Buffy's made up her mind, and only Spike proving that he can't be trusted will make her see the truth."

"And then it will be too late... I don't want Buffy getting hurt again." Xander sighed. "Maybe this is some kind of spell Spike cast on her? Or he had her drink a love potion? I bet it was a love potion!"

"If it was a spell or a love potion, he didn't buy the ingredients from me or Giles," Anya said, frowning. "If Spike was going to do something sneaky and devious, he could've at least spent his money here. I bet he went to our arch-nemesis -- that damn 'Abracadabra' shop two blocks over! Those bastards are always taking our business!"

Willow glanced at Tara who was looking down and shaking her head slightly. She could tell Tara thought they were wrong to be so judgmental and quick to condemn Buffy's decision. But Tara didn't understand, Willow reasoned. Though she'd heard about it, Tara wasn't around to experience the fallout from Angelus; she didn't know firsthand how horrible it was for all of them when Buffy's boyfriend went all evil and murderous. And Tara wasn't around when it was Spike and Dru terrorizing them; Tara hadn't seen Spike at his worst. But Tara was a kindhearted soul who believed in giving people second chances, that was just one of the many things Willow loved about her.

Willow would still be worried about Spike being so close to Buffy, and she'd keep a watchful eye on the Bleached Wonder, but maybe he did deserve a chance to prove them wrong. She knew he couldn't physically hurt Buffy, not with the chip -- but if Buffy fell in love with him and he broke her heart, that would be even worse. Too bad Buffy's super Slayer healing didn't extend to broken hearts. Willow just hoped that Buffy knew what she was doing this time.

Willow cleared her throat. "Let's... calm down, guys. Buffy's convinced that Spike can be good if he's given a chance, so... there's nothing we can do but wait and see what happens. Who knows... Spike might surprise us."

Tara smiled softly at Willow and reached over to hold her hand under the table.

Anya shrugged and recounted the money from the register. "You're right, maybe Spike can do it. Even though no other vampire in history has ever 'gone legit' without the benefit of a soul."

---

Spike stood up and looked anxiously at Buffy when she entered the upper level of the crypt.

"How'd it go, luv?" He could tell by the look on her face the answer wasn't 'good', but he still had to ask.

Buffy heaved a sigh. "They didn't tie me to a chair and try to deprogram me, so I guess it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I'm a glass half full kinda gal."

Spike gave her a sympathetic smile. "That good, eh?"

Buffy looked mopey, so Spike went to her and put his arms around her. Buffy wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head and put his cheek against her forehead.

"They weren't able to change your mind about wanting to be with me, were they?" Spike asked as he rubbed her back.

"I'm here and in your arms right now, ain't I?" she asked, giving his middle a hard squeeze.

Spike smirked. "That, you are, luv. I knew they'd try to change your mind, though."

"I told you I don't care what anyone else says, that includes my friends. I had to tell them, and I did -- end of story."

"But I know how important they are to you... they're your family just as sure as Joyce and the Nibblet are."

"You've recently become very important to me too, and I'm not giving you up."

Spike held her tighter for a moment and smiled. "I love when you say things like that. Want to tell me what they said?"

Buffy broke away from the embrace and began pacing. Spike was usually the one doing the pacing, but now it was him standing still and watching her going back and forth in front of him. He could understand how his pacing might make an observer dizzy.

Buffy growled, thinking about the conversation at the shop. "I got no support -- none! I didn't think they'd be throwing a tickertape parade with seventy-six trombones and hoisting us up on their shoulders, but I thought at least Willow might stick up for me. I was super supportive of her when she told us she was dating Tara -- and what about Oz? He was a werewolf -- and in a rock band! I never made her feel like I was judgey about her choices. Willow barely said a word the whole time..." Buffy pouted more and more as she paced.

"Willow nodded along with the rest of them when Xander said I was just on the rebound from Riley -- and that is so not true! I can see how they might think that... but I know what's going on in my own head better than they do. I don't like being treated like I'm a stupid little girl who doesn't know her own mind and what's best for herself."

Spike stepped in front of her and held his arms out. Buffy didn't need a formal invitation, she gladly accepted another hug.

Spike was angry with her friends, but he tried focusing on being calm and positive for Buffy for now. "I'm sure they'll come around in time... or at least a few of them will. Probably just caught them off-guard, is all. They'll get over the shock and be alright."

"I hope so... Could you do me a favor?"

Spike pulled back to look into her eyes. "Anything."

"Could you not... start arguments with them about this?"

Spike looked up at the ceiling and took a breath. He'd just been thinking how he couldn't wait to get in the Scoobies' faces for upsetting her. "I'm not s'posed to say anything to them? That's gonna be one big, fat bloody elephant in the room, luv."

"I just don't want you starting any fights. I want them to accept that you're in my life, but I'll settle for no arguing for now."

"What if they start somethin' with me? You want me to turn the other cheek? I'm not exactly known for my Christ-like qualities..."

Buffy sighed and hugged him again, taking comfort in his arms. "I wouldn't want you to just take being insulted or talked about like a dog, and I wouldn't want you to take that kind of shit without giving as good as you get. I don't know what the hell I want... I'm confused."

"But not about me, right?" Spike asked, tipping her face up to look at him and smiling.

She smiled and kissed his lips. "No, I'm not confused about you. I just want to make everything right with everyone and I don't know how to do it. I want everyone to be happy -- including me, for once."

Spike was about to say that it might not be possible to make everything with everyone right, not as long as she was dating him. But he swallowed that remark, not wanting to upset her any more. "It'll work out, pet. If I can't shout at them and make them quake with fear, I'll go on a mission to make them adore me." He grinned.

Buffy giggled. "Yeah, but I'm sure you'd prefer to have them fear you."

"That was the old Spike -- the new Spike only wants them to be afraid of how much they love me," Spike joked.

Buffy giggled again, then sighed and rested against his body. "Thanks for making me laugh, I needed a good laugh."

"Anytime, pet." Spike wanted to say how much he hoped she would love him in the future, but he bit his tongue again. He didn't want to pressure Buffy in any way -- he would not screw this up. He was already getting better at censoring what he said. "What're your plans for the rest of the day?" he asked, switching to a new subject.

"No solid plans, just biding time until sunset. You want to patrol with me tonight?"

"I'd love to... but I still have errands to run before tomorrow night."

Buffy smiled. "Ooh, did you think of a cool place for us to go?"

Spike smirked. "Yes, but I ain't tellin' ya, it's a surprise. I'm planning a mystery date for you."

She bounced on the balls of her feet like an impatient child. "Aww, why can't you tell me? Don't you want to make sure I'll like what you have planned?" Buffy had no idea what Spike would consider a good date, and she had no idea how he planned on paying for anything since he was always broke. It was going to be an interesting evening.

"I only get one first date with Buffy Summers, I'm goin' all out. I've got a hunch you'll enjoy yourself."

"Oh, you don't have to do anything special," Buffy said, batting her eyes.

"Too late, I've already got the wheels in motion. I just need to take care of a few more details to make it the best date you've ever had."

"I can't wait," Buffy said, kissing him tenderly.

"The only snag so far is my car bein' trashed."

Buffy had forgotten that the DeSoto was vandalized. "Oh right... your poor car, we left it for dead in the driveway. You think it's still at the mansion?"

Spike shook his head. "Me an' Clem hired a tow truck and hauled it to the garage next to the junkyard. Clem's cousin-in-law owns the place, said I could keep and work on the car there until I get it roadworthy again. You know the garage?"

"Nope, I didn't know there was a garage near the junkyard. But the image of you working on the car... all streaked with oil and sweaty, is kinda hot." It was more than 'kinda' hot -- it was very hot. "Who's Clem?"

"I haven't mentioned him before?"

"Not that I can remember, no."

"He's my one good friend in this bloody town. Clem's a good bloke -- a demon, but still good."

"I hope he is a good bloke... I wouldn't want to have to slay your only friend if he causes trouble."

"Nah, he'll never be on your hit list," Spike said confidently. "Clem's a pussy."

Buffy laughed. "Nice way to talk about your friend! But I guess calling your friends names is a 'guy thing', huh? I'll never understand why you men behave the way you do."

Spike snorted. "I meant he's a pussycat -- in England we usually just say 'pussy'."

"Well, don't say that around Clem unless he's a British demon. Back to the issue of the car... since yours isn't available for tomorrow night, I could borrow my mom's car and pick you up?"

Spike was shaking his head no before she finished the sentence. "Uh-uh, no bloody way. The man picks his lady up, not the other way around."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I didn't think you'd be so old-fashioned about that kind of stuff."

"Well, I am. My notions about romance and how to woo a lady are carved in stone, not easy for me to shake 'em at this point in my life."

"Woo," Buffy giggled at his use of that old word. "I don't think I've ever been 'wooed' before."

"If you'd been wooed before, you'd know it," Spike said with a smirk.

"Alright, fine, I'll leave the driving to you. But you don't have a car, so what are you going to pick me up in?" She gave him a warning look. "And I don't want you stealing another car."

"Yeah, I reckoned goin' on a crime spree before picking you up would be just the thing to start the night off right. We could get chased by the police down the freeway, wreck the car, then give 'em a good ole foot chase... we'd be on TV! It'd be bloody brilliant!" Spike said sarcastically.

Buffy gave him a look, he could practically hear her thinking, 'Sarcastic much?'

Changing to a serious tone, Spike said, "Buffy, I'm not gonna steal anything, alright? I want you to have a grand time, and that means not having you wonderin' where everything came from or if I stole the money to pay for it. I promise you, pet, everything associated with tomorrow night will be completely above board."

Her un-amused look melted into a smile. It made her feel so good to know Spike was taking that kind of thing into consideration. "That's so thoughtful of you, I appreciate it." She just had to put her arms around him and kiss him again. He really was trying to change his ways.

After she broke for air, Buffy asked, "But how can you pay for anything? You don't have a job or any way of making money."

"You let me worry 'bout that," he replied enigmatically, kissing the tip of her nose. "But I will tell you this: wear somethin' fancy."

Her eyebrows went up. "Fancy?"

"Mmhmm, wear your best dress; I'm takin' you someplace real nice. I can't wait to see you dressed to kill -- figuratively speakin', of course."

"That sounds great, but seriously, Spike, I understand if you want to do something that costs little or no money. We can go to a movie or get cheeseburgers, it doesn't matter. Us spending time together and getting to know each other is the important thing. I don't want you going to too much trouble or going into debt just for me, okay?"

"Just for you? Buffy... I'd give you the world if it were mine to give." Spike cupped her cheek with his palm, looking at her with so much love in his eyes... he was making Buffy swoony again. "You deserve nothing but the very best, and I aim to give it to you."

"Keep saying things like that," Buffy said with a shy smile, "I like it."

Spike pulled her to him for a thorough snog.

---

The day of the big date...

Dawn was sitting on Buffy's bed, just hanging out.

"I have nothing to wear!" Buffy whined as she went through her closet again, tossing another dress she deemed unsuitable out and onto the large pile on the floor to join the others. "Why didn't I buy a new dress? Oh, that's right -- because I have no damn money. The stupid Watchers' Council should've been sending me a big-fat paycheck every week -- they owe me years of back pay! I'll fly to England and take it out of Quentin Travers' hide if I have to!"

"Chill, Buffy. You've got some cool clothes," Dawn said.

"Spike said to wear something fancy, he wants to see me 'dressed to kill'. I don't have anything fancy."

"Sure you do." Dawn got off the bed and went to the pile of dresses on the floor. "What about this slinky, red dress?" She picked up a red dress she'd always wanted to steal -- or rather, borrow -- from Buffy.

Buffy scrunched up her nose. "No, I kept worrying one of my boobs was gonna pop out when I wore it last time."

"Spike wouldn't mind if that happened," Dawn giggled.

Buffy was sure that was true, but still... "Keep looking."

Dawn went over to Buffy's closet and dug around, finally bringing out a sequined, short dress. "How about this?"

"That's an old figure skating costume I only kept for sentimental reasons. And it doesn't exactly scream 'fancy'."

"Well, it's sparkly. I read that it's good to wear something shiny on a date, it keeps your guy's eyes riveted to you."

"Have you been reading Mom's Cosmo again? Try finding an outfit that won't show the marks on my body. I still haven't healed from Dru carving me up like a turkey."

"You're almost all healed, the marks are barely noticeable." The quick healing ability was another thing Dawn envied about her sister; it really was hard to tell anything had been done to Buffy mere days ago.

"But they are noticeable, Spike will notice for sure. I don't think he'll find healing wounds attractive."

"This is Spike we're talking about, Buffy. He's not put off by cuts and scrapes, he'll think they're hot."

"You think so?" Buffy asked skeptically, looking down at her marred skin.

Dawn nodded. "He likes that you're tough -- the fact that you made it through what Dru did to you, and that you're okay now, will remind him of your toughness. Wear your battle wounds with pride. And he likes your confidence and grace. You'll look gorgeous, and you'll be sexier 'cause you'll be all confident and not caring that you have a few barely noticeable marks on you."

Buffy smiled, thinking her sister really was a smart kid. Dawn was most likely 100% right: Spike would find battle wounds sexy. After all, he'd been eager to kiss and lick her when she still looked like hell right after they sent Dru packing. Buffy had to remind herself who it was she was going out with, Spike wasn't like any other man she'd dated -- what might have turned off another guy would probably be like catnip, or vampire-nip, to Spike.

"You're full of good advicey-ness today," Buffy remarked.

"You forget that I spent more time actually talking to Spike than anyone else. I've thought about what he'd like and wouldn't like; I've felt him up. Out! I've felt him out..."

Buffy couldn't help but burst out laughing at the Freudian slip, at least she hoped that's what it was, which made Dawn laugh nervously.

"Um," Dawn continued, her face hot from blushing, "my point is that I know what I'm talking about when it comes to Spike's likes and dislikes 'cause I've listened to him and paid attention."

"That's true," Buffy acknowledged with a sigh, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye. "You're the only one who treated Spike like a person..." Buffy remembered how bringing up Dawn's name to Spike, while he'd been under Dru's hypnotic influence, had made him pause and seemed to get through to him for a moment; Dawn's friendship obviously meant a lot to Spike. And Spike obviously meant a lot to Dawn too... Buffy hoped this wasn't too painful for Dawn's teenage heart to take.

Dawn rummaged around in the closet some more, trying to move past her slip of the tongue a minute ago. "Ooh, where'd you get this one?" She pulled out a black cocktail dress. "This is beautiful!" Dawn exclaimed, holding it up to her own body. "You have to let me borrow this sometime. I don't know where I'd wear it, but I'd think of something."

Buffy couldn't remember where she'd gotten that dress for a second. "Oh... that's the dress Dad bought me almost a year ago. Remember when he said he'd have us up to his house in L.A. and take us to that ritzy gala at his country club?"

Dawn groaned. "Oh, right... he sent us pretty dresses and got us all excited about it, then canceled -- like always -- at the last minute. I still got the dress he bought for me too. I've probably outgrown it already."

"I can't wear this dress," Buffy sighed, fingering the material, "there's too much negative stuff associated with it."

"You should wear it, Buffy. You never got a chance to wear it even once, you'd look beautiful in it, and you could make good memories with Spike while wearing it. You can't go wrong with a little black dress. And it's a Halston, Buffy..." Dawn looked at her seriously. "It'd be a crime to let a dress like this sit in the back of your closet -- I'll call the fashion police on you. Or you could give it to me...?"

Buffy smiled and took the dress from Dawn, turning and holding it up in front of herself as she looked in the mirror. It really was a great dress, a jersey-knit with a modest neckline, shiny studs dotted over it (reminding Buffy of stars in the night sky), the skirt ended with a jagged handkerchief hem at the knee, making it more daring. She loved it and she thought Spike would love seeing her in it. It would be silly to never wear such a fabulous dress just because her dad was an ass.

"Maybe you're right. You stun me when you say smart things like that. Teaching you to talk is finally paying off."

"It's about time you and Mom realized I'm smart." Dawn playfully flicked Buffy on the arm. Then she got back down to business. "Okay, all you need now are black pantyhose and black pumps, a matching clutch, and maybe Mom will let you borrow her cool Pashmina."

"I like the sparkly studs on the dress, but shouldn't I wear something more colorful? I was telling Spike he needs more color and variety in his wardrobe."

"Black is elegant," Dawn assured her. "And Spike likes the color black. But, you know you could show up in dingy grey sweats and Spike would still be ooh'ing and aah'ing at how beautiful you look."

"Are you sure you're okay helping me get ready for my date with Spike?" Buffy asked, concerned. She knew this must be hard for Dawn.

Dawn took a breath and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay with it. It's fun doing sister-y stuff like this with you. I still think Spike is awesome, but I'm moving on. There's this really cute guy that sits next to me in art class, Sean, that I like. I still might strike out with him, but my chances are a lot better."

Buffy hugged her. "I wouldn't want you to help me with picking out the dress and everything if it would just make you miserable."

"I told you I'm having fun helping you," Dawn insisted. "I'll even help you do your hair. I think you should wear it up, like in a French twist," Dawn said, taking Buffy's hair and holding it up. "That would look so cool."

"Anything I should know about this Sean who sits next to you in art class?" Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow. "He's not a vampire, werewolf, or other miscellaneous supernatural being, is he?"

"Nope. He's just an average, human guy. A really cute one, though. I'll go ask Mom about the Pashmina." Dawn raced out of the room.

Buffy was happy that Dawn seemed alright with everything. She hadn't expected her sister to act so maturely. Buffy didn't know if she would've been able to let go so easily if she were in Dawn's shoes.

---

Spike paused at the Summers' front door to gather his wits; he was so nervous -- he felt like a wet behind the ears schoolboy! Clem had tried calming his nerves, telling him he looked great and the evening he'd planned was sure to make Buffy's heart all a' flutter. Spike couldn't help but be anxious with what was riding on this date -- if Buffy didn't enjoy herself, she wouldn't be too keen on going out with him again -- this might be his one and only chance with her. This was his night to shine, and he'd better do a bloody good job of it. Though he was jittery on the inside, he would do his best to project an air of calm and be charming, no girl wanted to go on a date with a shaky, nervous git.

Spike took a breath, put a suave smile on, and knocked on the door.

He heard commotion inside and whispers, then the door opened.

Joyce smiled. "Hi, Spike."

"Hello, Joyce. Is Buffy ready?"

"She'll just be a few more minutes, you can come in and wait if you'd like." When Spike entered, Joyce got a good look at his outfit.

He was wearing a navy blue suit with a light blue dress shirt, and a blue and purple striped tie. "You look... great." She was going to say gorgeous, but didn't think that would be appropriate. "I've never seen you so dressed up. You look very dashing in a suit."

Spike smiled shyly. "Thanks. You think Buffy will like it?"

"I think it's safe to say she will. Aw, and you brought flowers, too -- Buffy's favorite, purple orchids. That was so thoughtful of you."

"Well, flowers are high on the date checklist. I want to do everything right." Spike checked (again) to make sure his suit jacket was buttoned and his tie was straight.

Joyce could tell he was nervous despite his effort not to show it. She touched his arm and smiled. "Don't put so much pressure on yourself, Spike. Buffy likes you, she'll be happy just spending time with you."

"Yeah, Buffy said the same thing. But I want to treat her like a princess tonight, she deserves it."

"Remember, everything doesn't have to be 'perfect' for a girl to have a good time. Sometimes it's the 'imperfect' things that we ladies remember most fondly. Just try to have fun, okay?"

Spike nodded and smiled. "Been a long time since I went on a first date. And this is the most important one of my life... but I'll try to relax a bit."

Spike looked upstairs and saw Buffy starting down. He stared without saying anything at first, awestruck by Buffy's beauty; his phantom heartbeat was racing again. He'd never seen her look so elegantly beautiful. The fact that she'd dressed up just for him added to the awe he was feeling.

Buffy had taken Dawn's advice about her hair, it was done up in a neat French twist. And she'd gotten her mother to lend her the burgundy-colored Pashmina to complete the ensemble. The black dress fit perfectly, like it was made for her. By the look on Spike's face, he definitely approved.

Buffy was similarly struck by the sight of Spike in the suit. He looked like he stepped right off the pages of GQ magazine. Spike in his street clothes was sexy as hell, but there was just something about a touch of refinement that made him even more gorgeous.

Buffy was afraid she'd fall down the stairs (wouldn't that be just her luck?), but she made it down to the bottom without incident. They smiled sappily at each other.

"Buffy... you look fantastic. I've never seen anyone look quite so beautiful," Spike said, his eyes moving over her.

She blushed. "Thanks." Buffy's eyes moved up and down his body too. "You look amazing in a suit... and," her eyes widened and she reached out to finger the lapel, "holy crap -- that's Armani!"

Spike grinned. "You know your fashion."

"Where did you get an Armani suit?" Buffy asked, hoping that he hadn't dug up a grave and borrowed it from a well-dressed corpse. "They're like $1500 and up!"

"I know people. I called in a few favors to make tonight special."

"People owe you favors?"

"Not so much anymore -- and some weren't actually 'people', but yeah, they did."

"Favors for what?" Buffy pressed.

"Buffy," Joyce interrupted, "it's not good manners to give your date the third-degree. Spike didn't even give you the flowers yet."

"Sorry, Spike," Buffy apologized with a darker blush. "I was just curious, I wasn't accusing you of anything."

"It's okay, luv. I brought you some posies." Spike held out the orchids.

Buffy hadn't noticed the flowers in his hand until her mother mentioned them, she'd been so dazzled by how he looked. She took them from him and sniffed their fragrance. "You brought flowers, and they're my favorites! Thank you, Spike, I love them."

"Dawn mentioned once that you liked purple orchids best, I made a note of it just in case."

"Why don't I put those in some water," Joyce offered, taking the flowers from Buffy. "You two go on and start your evening."

"Thanks, Mom. I'm not sure what this guy has planned," Buffy said, smirking at Spike. "So I don't know when I'll be home."

"I'll leave the porch light on for you, honey. Have fun!" Joyce didn't expect Buffy home until very late.

"Shall we?" Spike asked, extending his arm to Buffy.

"We shall." Buffy hooked her arm through his and they walked out of the house.

Dawn sighed and leaned against Buffy's bedroom door when Buffy and Spike left. She was trying to 'move on' like she'd told Buffy, but it still wasn't easy. Dawn had opted not to go downstairs while Spike was there. She'd peeked out the door when she heard him come in the house, and nearly melted into a puddle when she saw him all dressed up in a suit -- he looked soooo gorgeous! Dawn didn't trust herself to not stare at him and drool like an idiot, so she'd wisely stayed upstairs.

Putting aside her lingering traces of jealousy, Dawn thought Buffy and Spike would make a good couple. She sincerely hoped the two of them really could be happy together. But if it didn't work out between them... it was only a few years until Dawn turned eighteen.

---

"So, did you resolve the no-car situation?" Buffy asked as they walked out onto the porch.

"'Course I did."

Buffy raised her eyebrows at not seeing anything parked in front of the house. "Is it invisible? Because I'm not seeing anything."

"Our transportation is on its way," Spike said, coaxing her to walk with him to the front curb.

As they got to the curb, Buffy heard the *clip clop* sound of a horse approaching. She turned her head to see an old-fashioned hansom cab coming toward them. She looked back at Spike who was smiling.

She laughed, delighted by his solution to the lack of a vehicle problem. "Wow, I did not expect this. There were no hansom cabs in Sunnydale the last time I checked. How did you arrange this?"

"I have my ways. I hope you're not allergic to horses."

When the cab got closer, Buffy saw that the driver was some kind of demon -- a pale, wrinkly-skinned demon with red eyes, floppy ears and wearing a top hat.

"That's Clem, the friend I told you about."

"He's got great timing."

"Not really. I told him to wait a few houses down the street while I went in and fetched you."

"Evenin' folks!" Clem greeted them, tipping his hat and then waving a clawed hand when he stopped the cab.

"Hi, Clem." Buffy waved back.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Buffy. Spike's told me a lot about you. You're even... prettier than Spike said!" Clem was just being polite, of course; Buffy was not what he considered an attractive female. Though, with some extra skin, more meat on her bones, and a little less hair, she could be a real looker.

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you too. And thanks for helping us car-less pedestrians out."

"Aw, no thanks are necessary. Spike's my pal, and friends help each other out when they're in a bind. It's my pleasure to do a favor for two crazy kids in love."

Spike cleared his throat. He'd told Clem about Buffy not being in love yet.

"Uh, I mean, two crazy kids... who dig each other," Clem amended. "Um, Spike told you I'm a good demon, right?"

Buffy nodded. "He said you were a... cool guy." She thought of bringing up the 'pussy' misunderstanding, but she didn't want Clem to possibly get offended and drive off without them.

Spike smirked. "I told her you were a big pussy...cat."

"Spike," Buffy whispered, nudging him with her elbow. "Don't piss him off, be nice."

Clem laughed. "Don't worry about it, Buffy. If I was easily pissed off, could I be Spike's friend?"

She smiled. "Good point."

Spike sneered at Clem.

"And don't let Spike's rough exterior fool ya, he's a huge pussy...cat, too." Clem winked.

"You're bein' paid to drive, not chat," Spike said in mock annoyance.

"I'm not bein' paid at all -- I'm doing this out of the goodness of my hearts."

"Ah, right. Let's climb aboard, pet." Spike offered her a hand to help her step up into the carriage.

"What a pretty horse," Buffy said, moving to the front of the cab. A beautiful chestnut gelding with a white blaze on his nose was pulling the carriage.

Spike sighed silently. He was anxious to get their evening started. But if it made Buffy happy to pet the horse, then that was alright with him. Her being happy was the goal of the night.

"His name's Rusty." Clem smiled, showing his lower fangs. "You can pet him if you want to, he's friendly."

Buffy petted and stroked Rusty's neck, telling him what a beautiful boy he was.

"You like horses, eh?" Spike asked, already making a mental note to include a moonlit horseback ride in a future date... if he was lucky enough to get another one.

"I love horses. They're such majestic, graceful animals. It's an amazing feeling to have a powerful beast under you, responding to your commands."

Spike nearly bit his tongue hard enough to make it bleed to keep from making a lewd remark. Oh, it wasn't easy to keep his mouth shut, especially when sexual innuendo was involved.

"I haven't gone riding in years, though," Buffy lamented.

"I'll keep that in mind. We should get goin', pet. We've got reservations at eight o'clock."

Buffy noticed some of the neighbors curiously watching them. "Right, we don't want to be late."

She gave Rusty a kiss on the nose, and then let Spike help her into the cab. They settled in and Rusty started for their destination.

"We'll be there in about fifteen minutes," Clem said over his shoulder. "Just relax and enjoy the ride."

"Will do, mate."

"Where do we have reservations? It's okay to tell me now, isn't it?" Buffy asked Spike.

"Chez Henri." Spike was expecting to see a pleased smile on Buffy's face, but she looked puzzled. He was worried now that'd he'd been so hush-hush about the evening -- what if Buffy hated French food? "Please tell me you like French cuisine..."

"I like French food," Buffy assured him. "I've just never heard of that restaurant. Is it new?"

"It's been around for a few years. One of the swankiest places in town, it is. Great food, and a very elegant, intimate, romantic atmosphere." Spike put an arm around her shoulders.

"I like the sounds of that." Buffy snuggled against his side.

"You really do look sensational tonight, Buffy. My knees almost buckled when I saw you comin' down the stairs. I had to make an effort to keep from staring at you and babbling like a fool in front of your mum."

She giggled, proud that she'd been able to affect him that way. "I'd probably still be frantically tearing through my closet if it wasn't for Dawn. She was so sweet and helped me get ready. I wanted to look nice for our big date."

"You look a helluva lot better than nice. I knew you'd look beautiful, but..." he nuzzled her ear, "you look absolutely radiant... you're a goddess."

Buffy grinned and sighed as Spike softly kissed her ear, she was getting tingly again. "I was afraid I'd come rolling down the stairs like the boulder in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'," she joked. "The sight of you looking so gorgeous in that suit almost made my knees turn to jelly, too."

Spike had to do a lot of bargaining and convincing to get the suit, he was pleased that Buffy approved of his attire. They rode in silence for a minute, just enjoying being close and the comfortably warm evening air.

"This is so neat, I've never ridden in a carriage before," Buffy said.

"You like it, then?"

"Mmmhmm." She kissed him on the cheek. "I was wondering, isn't Clem worried about people... commenting on how he doesn't look human?"

"They tend to think his 'skin condition' is sorta one of those triumph over adversity stories," Spike explained. "When he got the permit for the hansom cab the officials were fallin' all over themselves saying what an inspiration he is to others."

"Clem actually went and got a license for the cab just for tonight? He's a great friend!"

"He is a great friend, but he didn't do it just as a favor to me. This is a new business venture he's just getting off the ground, he thought there might be a market for this sort of thing in SunnyD. Clem's a very enterprising young demon; he's got a few irons in the fire. Being our chauffeur for the evening is a favor, but he's also hoping other people will see us livin' the good life and want to try it out for themselves."

"That's pretty cool." Buffy was about to ask Spike why he couldn't get a little ambitious like Clem, but she didn't want to criticize him at all tonight. It seemed that Spike had gone through a lot of trouble to make tonight special.

"Clem offered me a position in one of his businesses, I'm still mullin' it over," Spike said, knowing what she was thinking. "Having cash would be beneficial with us dating an' all, but I wouldn't want all my time taken up by workin', either." Spike wanted to be available at all times if Buffy needed him, but it was tempting to have a steady flow of money coming in.

"I have the same problem. I need money, but I don't want to be tied up working if something bad happens... What am I saying, if? When something bad happens. And what kind of work could I possibly get, anyway? I'm only qualified for minimum wage crap jobs."

"Maybe Clem will have something for you too. You could be my secretary," Spike said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Maybe you can be my secretary," Buffy countered with a smile.

"Hmm, I do like a woman with power, it's dead-sexy. Either way, I hope there'll be some bum pinching and chasing around the desk."

"The business world isn't like a Playboy cartoon anymore, Spike. Buxom secretaries can now easily sue a guy's ass off for any sexual harassment. That being said, I'd enjoy chasing you around my big desk."

"You can pinch my bum anytime you want, Ms. Summers. I promise I won't sue. And, if you play your cards right, I might even let you catch me."

Buffy giggled, put her hand on his thigh and gave it a flirty squeeze. She noticed passersby looking at them curiously, just as her neighbors had done. "Clem's plan to get people interested in his cab service seems to be working, everyone's looking at us."

"Good, let them look. I want people to see me with the most beautiful woman in the world," Spike said, raising her hand to his lips and giving her knuckles a gentle kiss.

Buffy batted her eyes and smiled. "You sure are pouring on the charm tonight... keep it up. This is a side of you I'd love to get to know better."

They were passing by a coffeehouse, The Java Cafe. A sign out front announced a poetry slam would be taking place there in two days.

"Oh, look, they're going to have poetry readings." Buffy pointed to the sign.

Spike smiled. "You like poetry?"

"Are you kidding? I love poetry -- that's my favorite class!" Buffy said with enthusiasm. "I had to drop a lot of classes... but that's one I'm not gonna give up." She regretted having to cut back so much on the courses she was taking at school (and that it'd been necessary to move back home), but she'd done it to help and be there for her mom and Dawn; her family was her #1 priority.

"Would you want to go together?" he asked, excited at discovering something he didn't already know about Buffy, and that they had something else in common.

"You'd be interested in poetry readings?" Buffy asked doubtfully. "You don't want to go just so you can heckle and pelt the poets with rotten fruit and vegetables, do you?"

Spike chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of doin' that; I have a lotta respect for artists."

"I thought you'd hate that kind of thing."

"Au contraire. I love poetry, always have." Spike laughed at seeing her still looking at him with a skeptical smile. "It's true! I'm not just sayin' that to score points with you. I have books of poetry back at the crypt I can show you to prove I'm not lying."

'Okay, Poetry Boy, tell me who your favorite poet is and your favorite poem," Buffy challenged.

"I can't pick a favorite, there are too many brilliant poems and poets. Lord Byron's one of my favorites, another is Shakespeare, naturally. Sonnet XVIII makes me think of you..." Spike took her hand and gazed into her eyes, reciting with feeling:

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."

Buffy blinked, attempting to snap out of the trance she was drifting into from looking into Spike's blue eyes and listening to him recite those beautiful words with his deep, silky voice. "Okay... you weren't lying to score points, you really do like poetry. You, a member of the Dead Poet's Society... I'm trying to wrap my mind around the concept."

"Did you like it?" Spike asked. "Or was it just too strange comin' out of my mouth?"

Buffy blushed, and squeezed his hand. "I loved it. I could listen to your voice all night." It was almost dizzying how quickly and drastically her opinion of Spike had changed in such a short amount of time. It wasn't long ago that the sound of his voice did nothing but grate on her last nerve... Well, there were also some secret tingles every now and then when he'd sounded especially sexy saying something, but Buffy had squelched any squishy sentiments back then, and she'd chastised herself for thinking of Spike as 'sexy' for even a moment. But those days were over. "I also love finding out more about the 'softer side' of Spike."

"Poetry can be deceptively soft and saccharine, but it's really about passion; passion for a lover, or over an injustice, or whatever the subject happens to be. There's a fire burning in a poet's belly and he, or she, has to channel that passion through their pen."

"Have you written any of your own?" Buffy asked knowingly. The way he talked about it told her that he'd put pen to paper in the past. "Ooh, you could read one of yours at the coffeehouse!"

Spike balked at that, he wasn't nearly comfortable enough to share his 'work' with others, especially not with Buffy. If she laughed at him or thought he was no good... it would hurt far too much. He swallowed and looked down. "I... I've scribbled a few words over the years... but they're not very good, really."

Buffy could see him tense up at the suggestion. Poetry was usually very personal, and Spike wasn't one to advertise his softer side to others. Buffy felt bad for putting him on the spot like that, she didn't mean to make him feel nervous and self-conscious. She took his left hand in both of hers. "Well, maybe you can let me read some of your stuff someday. No pressure, I'd just love to read what you wrote. I'd let you read some of mine, too -- if you wanted."

He smiled up at her and gave her a little kiss. "I'll wait until this date is over before I officially ask you out for a second."

"Why? Is that some old-timey, traditional thing like 'the man picks the woman up'?"

"No, I just don't want to jinx this date. And I want you to be absolutely sure you want to see me again when you say yes."

"I'm sure already," Buffy said with confidence. The suit, flowers, and horse drawn carriage had Buffy feeling optimistic about the rest of their evening. "But you can officially ask me again when we're saying goodnight. That will be a good thing to end the evening with."

Spike leaned in and kissed her again.


Continued...

A few minutes later, Clem pulled back on the reins and announced, "Here we are, kids."

Buffy looked around as Spike hopped down from the carriage. "There's no French restaurant around here."

Spike went to Buffy's side of the cab and helped her step down. "It's right through this alley," he said, jerking his thumb towards an alleyway near them.

"The fancy restaurant is through a dark, dirty alley?" Buffy wondered what Spike considered 'fancy'. The place might turn out to be a dive... but she didn't want to hurt Spike's feelings. She was already planning what nice things she could say and how she would feign delight with the restaurant he'd chosen. She just hoped the food was halfway edible and she didn't get ptomaine poisoning.

"I'm tellin' you, it's there," Spike maintained.

"I'll be back here in about two hours, you should be all fed and happy by then," Clem said to Spike.

"Thanks, mate. You're a lifesaver."

"Yeah, and I'm also a big pussycat. Oh, and, Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"I knew you wanted her to be your girlfriend," Clem said, brimming with self-satisfaction. "Did I call that or what?"

Spike gave him a look and flipped him a backwards peace sign.

"Have fun, you two!" Clem tipped his hat, then spurred Rusty into action again.

They waved as Clem drove away. Then Buffy took Spike's arm and they started down the alleyway.

After a minute, Buffy asked, "Are you sure the restaurant is here? Maybe it's through a different dark, dirty alley." She suddenly wished she'd tucked a stake... somewhere.

"Just a bit further this way, luv. Ah, here we are!" Spike waved a hand at a sign that said 'Chez Henri'.

He opened the door for Buffy, letting her see into the establishment. The aroma of yummy food, and the sounds of violin music wafted out the door.

"Well... I'll be damned. It is a fancy French restaurant!" Buffy walked inside and checked the place out.

It was just as Spike said, elegant, with a romantic, intimate atmosphere. There were several other couples dining and chatting by candlelight, apparently a lot of other people were in on the secret restaurant.

"I had no idea this even existed."

"It's a well-kept secret." Spike put a hand on her back, moving to the entrance to the dining room.

"Apparently," she agreed, wondering how a secret restaurant stayed in business.

The Maitre d', a short man with dark, slicked back hair and wearing an expensive gray suit, looked up from his podium and smiled. "Ah, Monsieur Spike! How good to see you again."

"'Ello, Marcel. Is our table ready?"

"Bien sur." He looked at Buffy, grinning brightly. "You've brought such a lovely dining companion with you this evening."

"This is Buffy... my lady." Spike smiled, and glanced shyly at Buffy. Buffy smiled back at him, not objecting to being called his 'lady'. "It's her first time here."

"Mademoiselle Buffy, we'll make certain you have a delightful experience."

"I can't wait to try the food, it smells wonderful in here."

"Allow me to show you to your table." Marcel took two menus and led the way to a cozy table near the large stone fireplace.

Spike pulled Buffy's chair out for her. But Buffy hadn't expected him to do that and sat down in the opposite chair.

"Over here, luv."

"Hmm?" She looked up at him.

Spike raised an eyebrow and pulled the chair out further.

It took her a moment to realize what Spike was doing. "Oh! Sorry." Buffy stood back up and moved swiftly around the table. Then she sat down slowly. "Thank you, kind sir," she said, grinning. Buffy believed strongly in female empowerment and independence, but it was still nice to be treated like a lady sometimes. "I could get used to the gentlemanly treatment."

"I'll see to it that you do," Spike replied, resting his hands on her shoulders for a moment before going to his own seat. "It's a shame ladies don't expect a man to do courtly things like that anymore. You do like that sort of treatment, right? I know some women these days find those gestures chauvinistic."

Buffy shook her head. "I think it's refreshingly romantic for a man to do things like pulling out chairs for his date."

Marcel handed them their menus. “I highly recommend the pheasant au vin, it's one of the chef's most famous creations.”

"Thanks for lookin' after us, Marcel." Spike slipped him a $20 bill.

"Monsieur Spike, you know your money is no good here."

"No, it's real this time. It's not the stuff I print up in my basement," Spike joked with a smirk.

"Such a sense of humor!" Marcel laughed.

Buffy smiled. It was nice to see Spike interacting with other people like this. He could be so polite and charming when he chose to be.

“I’ll send a server over shortly to take your order. Bon appétit!” Marcel hurried off to attend to his duties.

"Okay, what's the story?" Buffy leaned forward and asked quietly.

Spike looked at her, arching an eyebrow. "Story?"

“Why was he so nice to you?”

"He's a Maitre d', pet. Kissing ass is part of the job."

"But why was he kissing your ass and talking like you're old friends? I don't have to tell you that you... usually rub people the wrong way."

"I helped the restaurant out once or twice when they had demons grubbing about out back at night."

"Um... you're not known for being a Good Samaritan..."

Spike chuckled. "True, I didn’t help people just for the sake of helping them, there had to be somethin’ in it for me. I told them they owed me for my good deeds. I’ve had a few decadent meals here in exchange for my help, and I thought this would be the perfect place to take you tonight."

“Does that mean we’re eating for free?”

Spike nodded.

“And I can order anything I want?” Buffy had intended on keeping her meal as cheap as possible so it wouldn’t put too heavy a strain on Spike’s wallet.

He smirked. “Go wild, pet. Order the most expensive things on the menu, it's on the house.”

She grinned and looked back at her menu with new eyes, seeking out the most expensive dishes instead of skimming over them.

"Just so you know..." Spike said, looking at her seriously, "I pledge to do more Good Samaritan type things without asking for anything in return. I'm serious about changing my ways."

"Let's not be too hasty..." Buffy liked the idea of rewards -- not getting any kind of compensation for saving the world sucked. She was about to have a fabulous gourmet meal -- for free! -- thanks to Spike's wheeling and dealing and good deeds. "If someone offers some kind of reward for a good deed, it'd be rude to turn it down. I can't take anything in exchange for my help because of the whole 'sacred calling' thing, but you can. Just as long as you don't tell the people in trouble you won't save them unless they give you stuff."

Spike breathed out and smiled. "That's a relief -- woulda been really hard to give up the perks. That's a good loophole in your not taking rewards vow. I won't strong-arm anyone who needs help, 'course, but I can strongly hint that a reward would be... nice. Good thinking."

Buffy tapped her forehead. "I'm smart."

"That you are, luv."

A waitress with short, blonde hair approached their table. "Bonsoir! Have you decided?" the waitress asked with a French accent.

Spike looked up from his menu, seeing an opportunity to (hopefully) dazzle Buffy. "Pas tout à fait encore. Nous aurons besoin un peu de plus de temps, merci."

{Not quite yet. We'll need a bit more time, thanks.}

Buffy raised her eyebrows; she didn't know Spike could speak French, and so well, too -- at least she assumed he was speaking it well. What he said could've been gibberish, but he sounded damn good saying it.

The waitress smiled more widely at Spike, Buffy didn't like the flirty smile or gleam in the other blonde woman's eyes. "Vous parlez très bien français."

{You speak French very well.}

"Merci, j'espère qu'il saura impressionner ma date," Spike joked, gesturing at Buffy.

{Thanks, I'm hoping it will impress my date.}

“Je suis sûr qu'il le fera!” the waitress answered with a chuckle.

{I’m sure it will!}

Buffy cleared her throat. Hearing Spike speak French was of the good, him having what was essentially a private conversation with a flirty waitress was not.

Spike certainly didn’t want Buffy feeling left out, he only wanted to impress her. "We're still deciding on the rest, but a cheeseboard would be good for starters." He looked at Buffy. "Is that alright with you, pet?"

"Um, yes, cheeseboard. Let's start with that." Buffy didn't know what a 'cheeseboard' was, but didn't want to risk sounding dumb by saying so. It had the word 'cheese' in it, so she'd probably like it.

The waitress nodded. "I'll bring a bottle of our finest wine, as well."

"Merci," Spike said as the waitress left for the kitchen. He looked back at his menu. "You want to try the pheasant au vin Marcel recommended?"

Buffy narrowed her eyes at the waitress' back. “I was sitting right here, and she still flirted with you. Rude much?"

Spike’s brow furrowed. “She wasn’t flirting with me...” Then a slow smile spread across his face. “Bloody hell, you’re jealous!” Spike accused with surprise.

“Am not.” She smiled a bit. “...Maybe a little. That’s one drawback of going out with a gorgeous man, the skanks come out of the woodwork. You don’t have to look so pleased about it.”

“Can’t help it. I never thought you’d be jealous of another woman allegedly flirting with me. I never thought you’d... care.”

“Well, I do... so don’t encourage flirtage with other females.” Buffy smiled, trying to relax again. "I didn’t know you spoke French. That was neat."

Spike smiled slightly and shrugged humbly. "I have been around for a while, y'know? I had time to pick up a few words here and there."

"Very impressive."

"If you think I was just showin' off for you by unnecessarily speaking a foreign language... you're right." He laughed. "I'm using everything at my disposal to capture you in my web of love."

Buffy reached out and put her hand over his. "I really am impressed. I was hoping we'd learn new and interesting things about each other tonight. Say something else in French," she requested with a twinkle in her eye.

Spike thought for a moment and held her hand. He said silkily, while looking into her eyes, "Etre avec toi signifie plus pour moi que je peux vous dire, ma belle Buffy."

{Being with you means more to me than I can say, my beautiful Buffy.}

Buffy tilted her head with a dreamy look on her face, a shiver went up her spine. "Oh... that sounded really nice..."

"You like foreign tongues, eh?"

"Well... I like your foreign tongue." She giggled and blushed, sitting up straight again. "I don't know why I said that... really bad joke."

"I like Cheeky Buffy, I haven't had the pleasure of making her acquaintance until recently." Spike smirked.

The waitress came back with the cheeseboard and a bottle of wine.

Buffy thought, 'Oh, okay, it's literally a board with cheese on it.'

There were five different kinds of cheeses on the board, accompanied by an assortment of fruit, crackers, toasted nuts, and a freshly baked baguette.

"Looks very yummy. This could be a meal all by itself," Buffy commented as the waitress poured their wine.

"This is just the starter, save room for the main course and dessert," Spike advised.

"Ooh, dessert." Buffy peeked at what other diners around them were eating. She definitely wanted to save room for something chocolaty. "Wish I had an extra stomach or two like a cow."

Spike chuckled. "Don't say that too loud in this town, someone's liable to grant your wish."

"Hmm, you're right about that. I retract that wish."

The waitress smiled at them (more at Spike than Buffy). "Let me know when you decide on the rest of your meal."

"We will, thanks," Spike said politely, smiling then looking back down at the table quickly so Buffy wouldn't think he was encouraging 'flirtage'.

The waitress went to check on another table.

"That's right... keep movin', Frenchy," Buffy said, following the woman with her eyes. "Did you see how she totally ignored me? I know what she's up to."

Spike laughed and shook his head. He was just so pleased that Buffy was showing a bit of jealousy. He couldn't help that it made him giddy, it was a dream come true.

---

They finished their appetizer and moved on to the main course. Buffy ordered the pheasant that the Maitre d' recommended, and Spike had the steak au poivre with cognac sauce, which he shared a bite of with Buffy whenever he noticed her glance at his plate. They chatted as they ate.

"This is so good," Buffy declared before putting another forkful of food in her mouth.

"Mmhmm," Spike agreed.

"I always thought vampires' taste buds were dead and they couldn't taste things. I've never seen any other vamps eating regular food. Though my contact with other vamps is pretty much limited to beating them up and staking them, not much socializing goes on." Buffy carefully avoided mentioning Angel or comparing Spike to him -- things were going so well, she didn't want to spoil it with a stupid remark like that.

"I can only speak from my own experience, but we can taste things just fine. I think our sense of taste is altered a bit, but our taste buds are alive, or maybe undead. I think a lot of my kind just don't want to eat human food, they abandon the trappings of humanity and embrace their new, creature of the night selves completely. I prefer spicy foods that have more of a kick, but I can enjoy the seasoning in the steak I'm eating now, too."

"You should tell Giles some of that stuff. I don't think the Watchers know little things like that about vampires."

"And why would I want to help those wankers by telling them anything about me or my people?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow. "Didn't you just quit and tell them to get stuffed not too long ago?"

"Yeah, they really are wankers... But Giles isn't, he's not like the rest of them."

Spike remained silent on the issue of Giles being, or not being, a wanker.

"You're going to try to get along with my friends, right?" Buffy asked hopefully.

Spike sighed, but smiled; he knew how important that was to her. "Yeah, I will... for you. Rupert isn't that bad, I s'pose... he's a fellow Englishman an' all. We had a few good chats when I was spending my days chained up in his bathtub. I finally even got him to watch 'Passions', took to it like…” Spike paused. He was going to say that Giles ‘took to the show like a pig to muck,’ but he didn’t want to squick Buffy out.

“Like what?” Buffy asked when Spike didn’t continue.

“Uhhh… like monkeys to cupcakes,” Spike substituted at the last moment. “A fact I'm sure he'll deny with his last breath. I know he despises me, but I'll try to get along with him all the same."

Buffy couldn't help snorting softly at the 'monkeys to cupcakes' thing. "Giles and the others just need to see you're serious about wanting to be a good man. Then they'll come around."

Spike nodded, putting more food in his mouth to avoid saying anything derogatory about her friends and how he was less than optimistic that they'd ever change their opinions about him. Spike didn't relish that he'd perpetually be auditioning for the role of Buffy's boyfriend in their eyes and have to prove he's sincere about becoming one of the good guys. But he'd walk through the fires of Hell itself to be with Buffy, so he had to try and develop a thicker skin where the Scoobies were concerned.

"This food is so delicious," Buffy said after another bite. "I know I said it before, but I had to say it again."

Spike nodded and smiled. "Glad you're enjoyin' it, luv. It is brilliant, innit?"

"But what about you?" Buffy asked, looking concerned.

"What about me?"

"This normal food won't do anything for you, sustenance-wise. Can you order..." she looked around, leaned forward and whispered, "blood here? Is it a vampire-friendly restaurant?"

"It is a vamp-friendly establishment, but I'm fine, no worries. I ate before I picked you up tonight. I didn't think it would do your appetite any good if I ate my food in front of you. Thanks for askin' though... means a lot that you're thinking about my needs."

"We're being so considerate of each other... crazy, huh?" Buffy laughed lightly.

"Yeah, it's a big change from how we used to get on. I couldn't be happier about how things have changed between us, I like this... this thing we have now."

"I like it, too," Buffy agreed.

"I have an idea... let's play a game."

"What kind of game?" Buffy asked with a slanted smile.

"Let's pretend we've never met before -- we were just set up on a blind date by a mutual friend, and we're getting to know each other."

Buffy laughed. "Okay... we could try that."

"So, tell me about yourself, pet. Who is Buffy Summers, what kind of things does she like?" Spike put his arm on the table and leaned forward slightly (in the classic 'I'm interested in what you have to say' pose). He smiled and batted his eyes at her.

"Um... let's see, I'm 20 years old, so it’s a good thing they didn’t want to card me before they served me wine. Shhh, don’t tell.” They chuckled as she continued. “I attend UC Sunnydale -- I've had to cut way back on my classes for a while, but I plan on going back full-time as soon as I can. I grew up in L.A. but moved here when I was sixteen. I used to be a cheerleader back in my early high school days. I'm really into martial arts now, and I like to keep in shape."

"Fascinating," Spike drawled. "Tell me more."

"I used to love figure skating when I was younger -- my idol was the great Peggy Fleming -- but I haven't had a lot of time for extracurricular activities lately... I also like going to the beach, poetry," she said with a big grin, and Spike smiled wider at that, "cheese, chocolate, and guys who aren't assholes. Oh, I also save the world a lot, hang out in cemeteries, and battle demons by the dark of night. Now, tell me about you," Buffy said, leaning forward and smiling. "Who is Spike?"

"My name's William, but everyone calls me Spike. I'm --"

"And your last name is?" Buffy rested her chin on her hand and blinked at him.

Spike sighed and reluctantly told her, "My surname is Swann."

"Swann's a nice name, why do you make a face when you say it? You don't you like it?"

He shrugged. "Swans are beautiful, graceful creatures, not the image I wanted to project."

"You're graceful." Buffy added with a smile, "In the manliest sense of the word, of course."

"'Graceful' puts me in mind of nancy-boys and ballerinas... I'd prefer the terms 'nimble' or 'agile'. Unless I'm drunk or bouncing off anti-vamp barriers and falling on my ass -- I'm much less nimble in those cases."

Buffy frowned a bit. She knew Spike was just joking, but it made her sad to think of the whole 'not inviting him in' thing again.

Spike could see he shouldn't have brought that up. "...Sorry, my mouth gets ahead of my brain sometimes... most of the time, actually. That's another thing you should know about me."

Buffy smiled again and shook her head. "It's okay." She went back to the subject of his name. "Um, you know, swans can be really mean. I got chased by an angry swan once when I was little, scared the hell out of me. If a giant, demon swan ever attacks the city, the people of Sunnydale are on their own, I'm outta here."

Spike laughed. "That's true, swans can be surly. I guess that part suits me."

"The beautiful and graceful parts fit you too," Buffy said it teasingly, but she meant it -- Spike was both.

"Shall I continue telling you about myself?"

"By all means, please carry on." Buffy waved her hand.

"I'm a 121-year-old vampire. I was born in London during the Victorian era when everyone was mainly concerned with being proper, and a woman showing a bit of ankle was considered scandalous. I'm much better suited to this era, this is the time I was meant for. I know it may seem like a silly, romantic notion, but I believe my entire life has led to this: being in this town, in this time... in this restaurant with this breathtaking woman sitting across from me." Spike reached across the table to touch her hand, giving her a suave smile.

"You certainly move fast, Mr. Swann." Buffy giggled. "We've only just met -- you don't want to scare me off by talking like that, do you?"

"No, I don't want to scare you off, pet. But I want to be honest about how I feel. I know who the girl for me is, my heart belongs solely to her. She's not quite there yet... but I'm prepared to wait for her to catch up to me." Spike smiled broadly. "I've got nothin' but time."

While Spike poured them each another glass of champagne, Buffy asked, "What kinds of things do you like to do? Leaving out the more vampirey things."

"I like football, dog racing, spicy wings, bloomin' onions, alcohol, and a decent brawl," Spike replied.

"My goodness, you make yourself sound like a brute," Buffy said, putting a hand to her chest in mock shock.

"I'm a complicated man, luv. I bore easily, so I like having a lot of variety in my life. Doin' the same thing the same way all the time gets tiresome. My needs are simple, but I also like indulging in the finer things every now and then. To quote Homer, I enjoy all the meats of our cultural stew."

Buffy laughed. She thought he meant Homer, the Greek epic poet at first, but it was Homer Simpson. Spike might watch too much TV, in her opinion.

Spike continued, "I enjoy the occasional fine meal, such as the one we're having now. I also have a passion for the arts, a love of poetry is something we have in common. And I'm a hopeless romantic; when I fancy a woman, I treat her like a queen. I enjoy spoiling my woman."

"Your woman should want to spoil you a little, too." Buffy suspected that no woman had ever treated Spike as well, or put him on a pedestal, as he did them. With the exception of Harmony, who was an aberration... in many ways. It was just Spike's bad luck that the one lover he couldn't stand was the one who was hung up on him. And Buffy suspected that Spike had been hurt before, not just by Dru. "I haven't done such a great job at making any man I've been with feel special..."

"You just hadn't found the long-haul guy yet, that's all. Your other... relationships weren't meant to be, and neither were mine, even if they did feel 'right' for a while. Just being here with you right now makes me feel special. I love you more than anything in this world, Buffy. I'll be happy with whatever you're able to give. This, just having dinner with you and talking, makes me so bloody happy I want to burst into song like in one of those sappy old musicals."

Buffy still had doubts about her ability to be a good girlfriend and be what her man needed, but Spike saying sweet things like that did help. She hoped he still felt the same way after they'd been together for a while, once the ‘crushiness' of being with her wore off. "You always know the right thing to say to make me feel better. You also always knew just what to say to piss me off."

"I’m versatile, but I'll try to do more of the former and less of the latter."

They smiled at each other.

"What are you looking for in a man, Miss Summers?" Spike asked, reverting to their blind date role playing.

"I don't really know... I mean, I thought I knew what I wanted, but I wasn't happy when I got it. I guess I want someone... who will stay with me." Buffy sighed. "That sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it?"

Spike shook his head, swallowing a lump in his throat. He also had trouble holding on to the ones he loved. "Doesn't sound pathetic at all, that's high on my list too..." He smiled sadly. "Though I'm pretty pathetic m'self, so maybe I'm not the right person to ask."

"Besides staying power, I need a man who'll be there for me -- to fight by my side when I'm strong, and to give me a shoulder to lean on when I'm weak. And no guilt trips. I've got a lot of responsibilities, I can't be a doting girlfriend all the time... make that, most of the time. I don't need a boyfriend who makes me feel guilty for doing my duties as the Slayer or a daughter."

Spike nodded along with what she was saying. "So far, I'm highly qualified for the position of Buffy's Boyfriend. Nothin' I can't handle."

Buffy laughed lightly. "Okay, what about you, Mr. Swann? What do you look for in a girlfriend?"

Spike thought about the question as they ate. "Well, I'd want that 'stay with me' thing you mentioned. I'd like my woman to be strong, inside an' out. But I'd like her to have a vulnerable, softer side, at least with me. I wouldn't want her to be afraid to ask me if she needed my help with anything, and thinkin' she has to be strong and on top of everything all the bloody time.

"I'm a warrior myself, so a girl who can kick some ass would be a plus. The thought of fighting side by side with my woman is definitely a turn-on. I'd also want her to be smart, someone who can stimulate my intellect as well as... other parts."

"Oh, smart! Um, I forgot to say I want my guy to be smart. I'm adding that to my list," Buffy said. "If you can't talk to each other, there's not much of a future."

Spike nodded in agreement. "The sex can be great, but if your mate has nothin' goin' on upstairs... I recently got out of a relationship just like that -- I don't recommend it. I want someone I can carry on a conversation with and not want to stake myself by the end of it. But I'd also like my woman to be built like a brick shithouse."

Buffy laughed. "Yeah, at the risk of sounding really shallow, I'd like my guy to be hard-bodied and ripply with muscles. Are we both just too picky?"

"Maybe we are. And maybe we've both finally gotten lucky and found what we're looking for."

"Maybe we have," Buffy agreed with a smile. "But I'm not always the most pleasant person to be around, I can be bitchy..."

Spike tried looking shocked. "You, unpleasant and bitchy? Piffle!" He shook his head and frowned. "I don't believe that for a moment. I find you simply enchanting."

She giggled. "You sure you want to take a chance on someone like me?"

Spike smiled and reached out to touch her hand again. "Pet, I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

---

They finished their main courses and were served their desserts. Buffy had a slice of chocolate mousse cake, and Spike had pears soaked in brandy with a hot caramel sauce. Spike generously shared his dessert with Buffy. He was happy to share, especially since she let him feed her bites of it. He had to be careful to keep his libido on a leash -- having Buffy opening wide and letting him slide the food into her mouth made Spike think some very dirty thoughts...

Once all the food was gone, Buffy leaned back in her chair. "I never knew pears could be so tasty, your dessert rivaled the chocolate mousse cake in yumminess. That was the best thing I've ever had in my mouth."

Spike wanted to say a number of naughty things such as 'The night's still young'. But he wisely settled for a smirk and slight cocking of his eyebrow.

Buffy hadn't meant it in a naughty way, but the double entendre was loud and clear when she took a second to think about it. She knew exactly what he was thinking; Spike could say more with a smirk and a raising of his eyebrow than most people could with a whole dictionary of words. "You're bad," she said with a smirk of her own as she dabbed at the corners of her mouth with her cloth napkin, trying to look like a proper lady.

Spike tried looking scandalized, but couldn't completely wipe the smirk from his face. "You've got a dirty mind, pet. I didn't say anything."

"Uh-huh, I'm the one with the dirty mind." She moaned and rubbed her stomach. "I've never been so full in my life. Not only did I eat all my food, I made a dent in your dinner too. Sorry."

"It was all about you having an exceptional meal and us having a nice chat, pet. I planned on sharing with you; I purposely ordered something other than what you were having so you could try another dish."

"Trying to fatten me up, eh?" Buffy joked. "I don't know if I can walk out under my own power, you might have to carry me back to the carriage."

Spike snorted and smiled; he’d happily carry her to the ends of the earth. "You wouldn't be interested in dancing, then?"

"Dancing?" Buffy looked around. "They have a dance floor?"

"Mmmhmm." Spike pointed toward a set of double doors across the room. "The Starlight Room is right through there. It has a 1940's theme, the band plays music mostly from that era."

"Well, I do like dancing..." Buffy really wanted to dance with Spike (it would be so romantic!) but she felt tired and bloated from eating so much. With all the scrumptious food presented to her, she'd forgotten that a woman shouldn't make a pig of herself in front of her date. Spike didn't seem to mind or be turned off, though. It was probably impossible to turn Spike off; she wondered if Spike even had an ‘off’ button.

"We could have a drink and sit at a table for a bit while our meals settle?" Spike suggested.

Buffy nodded, thinking that sounded like a good idea.

---

The blond couple sat at one of the tables surrounding the dance floor, sipping their drinks and watching the other couples dance. Spike had a beer; since this was a special occasion, and he didn’t have to pay for it, he ordered a Kronenbourg 1664, a French pale lager. But Buffy opted for a Diet Coke (as if drinking a 'diet' anything would compensate for the enormous amount of calories she'd just consumed). Buffy had had enough alcohol for one night; the wine, champagne, and the alcohol in the food, had her feeling buzzed, but not totally drunk.

Buffy was surprised that the Starlight Room turned out to be an honest to goodness ballroom. From the outside, the building didn't look large enough to contain a ballroom -- she thought some kind of magic had to be at work. The room itself was lovely; it had high ceilings with crystal chandeliers, and red velvet draperies over the windows, very classy and retro. It looked like something from an old Hollywood movie, only in living color and brought to life. The lights were dimmed just enough to make the atmosphere more romantic. And there was a bandstand with a seventeen-piece orchestra entertaining the patrons.

"This place is beautiful," Buffy said, taking in the ambience. "I wouldn't have guessed that the secret restaurant had an even secret-er ballroom."

Spike nodded, taking a drink of his beer. "It's a little sliver of serenity in this crazy town. You can relax here and just 'be'."

Buffy wasn't sure if she should ask, but she had to. "Have you... brought someone here before?"

Spike shook his head. "Never had someone I wanted to share this place with before."

"Good." Buffy loved the feeling that this was 'their' special place and theirs alone.

Couples were dancing to a lively, swing music tune.

"Do you swing dance?" Spike asked. He was ready to show off some acrobatic moves to further impress her.

"I never danced to that kind of music. I'd like to learn how, though; it looks like fun. But I'd strongly advise against you throwing me in the air and swinging me around after I ate so much. Our date would end abruptly, and in a very bad way."

"Another time, then," Spike chuckled.

"Definitely. But I think I'm almost ready to dance to a slow song," Buffy said, patting her stomach. "I feel a little less like Jabba the Hutt."

"Bloody hell, I almost forgot." Spike reached into his jacket and took out a small gift wrapped in shiny paper with red hearts all over it. He set it down on the table in front of her. "I got you a present."

"Oh, Spike... you didn't have to get me anything else. The dinner was more than enough."

"I should take it back, then?" he asked, slowly reaching for it.

Buffy snatched it up and held it to her chest. "Returning stuff is always such a hassle... I wouldn't want you to have to go through that."

"You're so thoughtful." Spike smirked. "Go on then, open it."

Buffy tore off the paper. "A cell phone!"

"It's prepaid for six months. I wanted to give you jewelry, but there aren't any jewelers who owe me favors at the moment..."

Buffy talked as she checked out her silver cell phone and its stylish leather carrying case, "No, this is great! I can call home if I'm out late patrolling... or on a date, or just to check in to make sure everything's okay. And anybody can get in touch with me fast if there's any trouble. The cell phone's waaay more thoughtful and useful a gift than a piece of jewelry." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, Spike. I love it."

"Welcome." Spike breathed an internal sigh of relief that she'd liked the present. He still planned on getting her a pretty ring or necklace in the future, but the phone would have to do for now. "I got phones for your mates too, I can give them to you tomorrow."

Buffy grinned. "You got all of us cell phones? That's so sweet!"

"Make no mistake, I did it for you, luv, not 'cos I'm trying to suck up to them. I don't want the Scoobies thinkin' I'm sweet on them... 'specially Xander. It will benefit you if there's better communication in the ranks, that's what I care about."

"Well, whatever your reason for doing it, it's still sweet. And giving my friends a present can't hurt, it'll show them you can be a nice guy."

Spike shrugged, smiling slightly. It would probably take a few brand new cars and long trips to exotic locales for him to make any headway with her friends, but the phones might be a good start.

When a slow song started, Spike stood and offered his hand to Buffy. "Would you care to dance, Miss Summers?"

Buffy smiled up at him, put her new phone in her purse, and then took his hand. "I'd love to, Mr. Swann."

Spike led her to the dance floor. He held her right hand in his left, and put his right hand on the middle of her back in the classic ballroom dancing position. Buffy rested her left hand on his shoulder, and they began moving to the music.

Buffy expected Spike to hold her tight, mashing their chests and pelvises together. But his hold on her was light and left a few inches separating their bodies, what would be considered 'proper' dancing position.

Spike was being deliberately 'proper'. Of course he wanted to hold Buffy's exquisite body tightly against his, but more than that, he wanted to show her he could be a gentleman. And he figured they would naturally become more relaxed and get closer as the dancing went on; he would let Buffy decide when the time was right to hold each other closer.

"It's like we're in some 1940's time warp," Buffy commented, then sobered a bit, her eyes darting around the room. "We're not in a time warp, are we?"

Spike smirked. "No worries, luv, pretty sure we're still in the 21st century."

"I had to ask, you never know... This music makes me think of those USO dances in the olden days. That's how my mom's parents met -- Grandpa was a young G.I., and Grandma was a USO volunteer hoping to meet a handsome soldier."

"Obviously they hit it off," Spike observed with a wry smile.

"Mmmhmm, lucky for me, they did."

"Lucky for me too, as it turns out."

Spike hummed the melody of the song. And then the urge to sing became too powerful -- it was like he was under some weird spell to make him burst into song. He hoped Buffy would think he was cute and madcap, and not just mad. He sang softly as they danced.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

It Had To Be You - Harry Connick, Jr.

}}

"It had to be you
It had to be you
I wandered around
And finally found
The somebody who
Could make me be true
Could make me be blue
Or even be glad
Just to be sad
Thinking of you"

Buffy giggled. The real Spike could sing just as well as Dream Spike did. He sounded really good, just like that yummy Harry Connick, Jr. This was a fitting song for them -- Spike loved her despite her shortcomings (and the fact that she had frequently been mean to him), and she was falling for him despite all the reasons she shouldn't. Come to think of it, lots of songs seemed to fit them very well...

Spike was encouraged by her smile and giggle, he sang the next verse louder as they danced.

"Some others I've seen
Might never be mean
Might never be cross
Or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do

For nobody else
Gave me a thrill
With all your faults
I love you still
It had to be you
Wonderful you
It had to be you"

"I have faults?" Buffy asked, her brows knit but she was still smiling. "What faults?"

Spike laughed. "Just a song, pet. 'Course you don't have faults, you're perfect."

"Damn right, I am. And don't you forget it," she joked.

"I hope I didn't just ruin my chances by singing. You thought it was just weird, didn't you?" Spike asked with a nervous tinge to his voice. "You're not gonna excuse yourself and go to the ladies' room so you can climb out the window to bail out of our date?"

Buffy shook her head and laughed. "No, I'm not going to try to escape. I liked it. Was singing to me something else you're using to capture me in your web of love?"

"Mmhmm. Could've backfired if it just made you uncomfortable and you thought I was a git. And if you're just bein' nice, please tell me so I don't sing something else later and make a bigger ass out of myself."

"I'm not just being nice, I really did like it. You have a great voice, and it was very romantic. You can sing!"

"Why do you say it like that? With the emphasis on 'can'?"

"Dream Spike sang a song to me... well, I guess he was technically singing to the cats, but he dedicated it to me."

His scarred brow arched. "Cats?"

"Don't ask, it was just weird dream stuff."

"How do I measure up to him?" Spike wondered.

"The real you singing is much better 'cause it's really you and not something my subconscious made up."

"Did Dream Spike dance too?"

"No," she laughed, "he only sang."

"Ah, then I'm one up on Dream Spike," he said with a grin.

"Maybe that's what you should do to earn money, you can sing with the band," Buffy told him, only half-joking.

"Uh-uh, I perform only for milady. It might be fun for a night or two, but I'd be craving rock music before long. I'd probably get fired for doing the Sex Pistols' version of 'My Way'."

Buffy giggled. Getting to know Spike was turning out to be more fun than she even dared hope.

---

They danced to more slow songs and some more energetic ones that Buffy felt up to, but they didn't try for any astounding acrobatics tonight. Buffy and Spike were perfect dancing partners, both agile and light on their feet, and Buffy could anticipate Spike's moves. It was as if they'd been dancing together for years, and, in a way, they had been.

"One more dance, luv?" Spike asked. He wanted this night to last forever, but they had to stop dancing and go home eventually. He reckoned Buffy's feet had to be getting sore in those high heels -- the heels had to be uncomfortable, but made her legs look spectacular. Spike would offer her a foot massage, but he didn't know if he could stop at her feet.

"One more," Buffy agreed. She wasn't anxious for the night to end either, but as the saying went, 'all good things...'

They'd stopped being so formal in their dance postures a few songs ago, Buffy had her arms around Spike's neck and he held her waist as they swayed to the music. As Spike had hoped, Buffy was the one to initiate more intimacy first. Their bodies were lightly pressed together with no space left between them. The closeness created tingles in them where they touched as they danced more like lovers, and less like just dance partners.

"I've always liked this song," Spike said when the new song started. "Fitting that this will be our last of the night, many dances back in the day ended with this."

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller Orchestra

}}

Big band music was nice, but most of the songs kind of sounded the same to Buffy. "What's it called?"

"'Moonlight Serenade'. It's perfect for lovers to dance to... or, uh, people who care about each other..." Spike wondered if he would ever stop putting his foot in his mouth. Probably not...

Buffy knew they'd be lovers soon, there was no way she could put off wanting to be with Spike, intimately, for too long. "It's a pretty song, I like it."

They danced silently for a minute, thinking how good it felt to be in each other's embrace. Buffy wondered what cologne was Spike was wearing, she'd noticed how mouth-wateringly good he smelled early in the evening.

"You've had a good time tonight?" Spike asked, wanting to hear her say it.

Buffy smiled softly and nodded. "I'm having a great time. But..."

"But...?" Spike pulled back to look at her and searched her eyes, wondering what he might have done wrong.

"This isn't the kind of stuff you like doing. You don't know how touched I am that you did all this for me, but I want you to have fun, too."

"I am having fun, Buffy. I'm here with you... we're talking like normal people, and we've laughed together, and we're dancing, and I'm seeing the way your eyes light up when you look at me..." He gazed into her emerald eyes and sighed, tilting his head slightly with a blissful smile turning up at the corners of his mouth. "Part of me is terrified I'm going to wake up and all of it will've been some beautiful dream. This is the best night of my life."

Buffy felt all melty again. She wanted to say something, but all that came out was a soft sigh. She'd never seen so much love for her in a man's eyes before. With every passing moment, Spike proved to her that she'd made the right decision about letting him into her life.

Buffy drew Spike to her and pressed her lips to his. Spike slid his hands around to her back. He held her tighter and kissed her slowly, passionately, telling her how much he adored her without words.

They didn't realize the song had ended until the applause from the other dancers finally registered in their minds. For a moment, they thought everyone was applauding them. They pulled back from the kiss and smiled, but didn't release their hold on each other.

"That was..." Buffy began. She was distracted when she felt a strange sensation on her hip. She looked down between their bodies. "Um... is something in your pants vibrating?"

Spike laughed and took a step back. "Sorry, luv, that's my phone -- it's on vibrate." He took a cell phone out of his pants pocket.

"Oh... that's what it was. I was both scared and flattered at the same time. Who's calling you?"

"Has to be Clem, he's the only one who's got my number -- other than you." Spike took Buffy by the hand and led her back to their table as he answered the phone with his other hand. "What is it, Clem?"

Buffy sat at the table and took a cool, refreshing drink of her Coke. The steamy kiss, and then Spike's vibrating loins, had her feeling all hot and a bit lightheaded. She concentrated on cooling down while Spike talked to his friend.

Clem was apologetic on the phone. "I got a call about a problem with a building permit, I'm heading for a meeting with my contractor right now. I'm really sorry, but I won't be able to pick you up at the restaurant."

Spike wanted to yell, but he kept himself composed. He didn't want his temper to put a damper on the otherwise delightful evening. He turned away from Buffy and ground his jaws together for a moment. "What? You gave me your bloody word that you'd --"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm not leaving you hangin'. I sent one of my drivers to pick you and Buffy up. He should probably be waiting for you where I dropped you off by now. I was just apologizing 'cause I feel bad I can't do it personally."

"Oh... well that's alright." Spike relaxed a little. He would have preferred it was Clem and not some guy he didn't know, but as long as he and Buffy had a ride it wasn't a big deal. "Is the permit problem gonna be hard to fix?"

"Nah, shouldn't be that bad; bureaucratic bullshit like this is just a pain in my wrinkly butt. I'll have to schedule a meeting with someone from the city tomorrow about it, too -- maybe we can take the meeting over brunch at Hooters... Being the boss ain't easy, let me tell ya. And it's more aggravating 'cause I know you were counting on me."

Spike was fairly certain Clem could get things sorted in short order -- Clem was a born salesman, he could sell ice cubes to Eskimos. "No worries, mate. You did what you could under the circumstances. This other driver, he's checked out? He's good at the job?"

"Yeah, he's good with the horses and a good driver."

"You know how important tonight is to me, Clem," Spike said, letting a bit of his desperation into his voice. "I need everything to go smoothly right up 'til the end when Buffy and I say our goodnights."

"I know it's important to you, Spike. I wouldn't send someone I hadn't put through the paces. I wouldn't screw you over, man."

Spike smirked a bit. "Unless we're playin' poker."

"Well, poker's completely different, there are no friends at the poker table -- it's every demon for himself when we're playing for kittens or cash. But, away from the table, you can trust me. Besides not wanting to let you down, I know you'd come looking for me and kick my ass, and I wouldn't want that -- I'm a lover, not a fighter."

Spike took a breath. "Yeah, alright. We were just about to leave, hope your boy is here."

"He should be waiting for you. You give me a call if there're any problems. I might not be able to answer right away if I'm in the meeting, but I'll get right back to ya. Don't worry so much, the rest of the date will go great and Buffy will want to go out again soon. Think you'll get lucky tonight?" He was being supportive of his friend, but the thought of seeing Buffy naked made Clem cringe. But Spike was into tight, creamy skin, thick, long hair, and firm breasts and buttocks -- to each his own!

Spike glanced at Buffy and smiled. "I'm already the luckiest bloke in the world, I'm out on the town with my dream girl."

"Oh brother," Clem groaned. "You've got it bad, pal. You don't even want sex?"

"Didn't say that. If I'm offered something... it'd be rude to turn it down," Spike told him, repeating Buffy's advice from earlier.

"Okay, I gotta go. Call and let me know how everything went."

"I will. Thanks, Clem."

Spike ended the call and turned back to Buffy as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"Something wrong?" Buffy asked. She'd been trying not to eavesdrop, but Spike had sounded agitated.

"No, nothing's wrong. Clem says he had to send another driver for us 'cos he had business to attend to. His boy should be waiting for us."

"You got yourself a cell phone too, I see. It will be nice to get a hold of you without having to go all the way to the cemetery." She giggled, recalling when she'd felt it vibrate against her. "I like that vibrating function."

"You should put yours on vibrate and keep it your hip pocket, almost need a smoke afterwards."

"I'll remember that." Buffy wistfully thought about calling herself and letting it ring (or vibrate) for a while once she was home and snug in bed.