Chapter 1

Buffy opened the crypt door.

‘It’s only for one night,’ she told herself. The phrase repeated in her head again as it had every time before when she had wandered to Spike’s crypt. It was almost like a security blanket giving her the reassurance she needed to continue, and convince herself that what she was doing wasn’t wrong.

She knew she should be out searching for answers and find out who was behind the attacks. Someone obviously had it out for her, but right now she really didn’t care.

Buffy walked into the barely lit crypt, following the faint light coming from behind the sarcophagus that sat in the middle of the room. She avoided Spike’s salvaged armchair and the empty liquor bottles that littered the floor as she made her way to the trapdoor that lead to Spike’s underground lair.

She pulled the door open, its creaky hinges echoing throughout the room. Looking down the opening she saw no sign of him and yelled, “Spike? Are you here?”

“Down here, pet.”

With his immediate response, she stepped down on the top rung of the ladder and climbed down to the heady aroma of earth, leather and whiskey. After jumping off the second from last step, she turned and found him sprawled out sitting on the bed with a book in his hands.

She stood at the head of the bed, her eyebrow cocked as she evaluated the sight before her. Never would she believe him to be a reader. With his abundance of energy, she thought he wouldn’t have the patience for such a task.

“You read?”

“Don’t you?” He looked up at her with his trademark smirk, and sat the old looking leather bound book down.

Buffy gave him a sarcastic look at his obvious wisecrack at her less than stellar reputation with books. Spike laughed as he walked over to his severely scarred dresser on the other side of the room and picked up a whiskey bottle.

He held it up to her with a grin on his face and asked, “Drink?”

If this were Buffy on a normal day, she would have immediately declined knowing how unmixy she was with alcohol. But because of her shitty day at the construction site and the Magic Box, she felt inclined. Anyways, hadn’t she earned the right to unwind every once in a while? Surely a few drinks couldn’t make things any worse.

“Sure. Why the hell not?”

Spike’s eyes widen. “Wow didn’t really think you’d say yes, Slayer. Something wrong?”

“Oh nothing. Just my life.” Buffy pouted and looked down at the floor.

She could feel Spike’s eyes on her as he stared waiting for her to explain, but she stayed silent. Finally, Spike broke the silence.

“I assume you’d rather sit there than on the bed?” he said pointing to the coffin by the ladder. His face lit up with a mischievous grin.

Buffy snorted. “I think that would be wise. As if you have a chance anyways.”

“A bloke can only try.”

She ignored his comment and walked to the coffin, taking a seat on opposite side of him. The seating was rather uncomfortable with no cushion, so Buffy wrapped one leg under her as Spike poured them both a shot. She grabbed hers as soon it was filled to the top, and tried unsuccessfully to guzzle it down.

Her lips puckered and body shook as the liquid burned its way down her throat. The stuff tasted terrible. If she hadn’t known better, she would have sworn it tasted like what she thought perfume would taste like. If she had ever tried it, that is.

Spike laughed, smiling back at her. “Not much of an experienced drinker, are you?”

“Not with this poison.” Buffy coughed, holding up her hand while she tried to take a breath.

“Well then..” Spike poured two more shots. “I believe the trick is not breathing when you drink it. Just what I’ve heard. Never really been a problem for me.”

“Lucky you.”

Buffy took his advice, and swallowed the shot in one gulp, waiting to take a breath until the liquid was down the pipe.

“Blaaah!” She winced after she was able to take her first breath, wondering how anyone ever acquired a taste for this stuff.

“Better, yeah?”

“Very little.”

Spike shook his head, having entirely too much fun with her torment. “Are you ready for another?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Why not?”

This time Buffy grabbed the bottle and poured them both a shot, accidently spilling some of it on the coffin. Each grabbed their shot, and the liquid disappeared.

Warmth spread down her throat into her belly as it further expanded down into her limbs. Her muscles relaxed and her head lightened. After skipping meals for the last two days, the alcohol was coming on strong, not that it bothered her. She only wondered how much it would take to make the weight of the last few days fall off. Maybe if she took a few more shots, nothing would matter.

Spike eyed her curiously and took his shot, rolling the glass around in his hand. “So what’s got your knickers in a twist, pet?”

Buffy glared at him. “Well, let’s see. Time was wonky at school yesterday. Attacked by demons this morning at the construction site, and then finished my day at the Magic Shop with an hour that would never end.”

Spike raised his eyebrow.

Buffy explained in detail the events of the last two days. How Giles, Tara and Willow pushed her to start figuring out what she was going to do with herself and how that had lead to the bouts of school and temporary employment.

“Selfish wankers. Knew they would eventually start pushing you to do what they wanted. Couldn’t give you a little time to adjust first, could they? No. It’s all about them.” Spike’s jaw strained as he grabbed the whiskey and filled their glasses.

“They’re just trying to help. It’s my fault. I knew I wouldn’t fit back into school. I wasn’t very good at the book thing before anyways.” She looked down at her hands, still upset with herself. “And the jobs? Well, big surprise those didn’t work out.”

They sat in silence for while, Buffy still looking down at her hands, pretending they had suddenly became interesting.

Spike poured another round, not saying anything.

Buffy took the shot, this time without making the sourpuss face. Spike lifted his shot glass to his face, swallowing the liquid in one gulp, and slammed the glass down.

“Life is stupid,” Buffy said, deflated.

“I have a dim memory of that, yeah. And I didn’t figure you were here cadging my whiskey ‘cause life’s all full of blood and peaches.”

Looking down at her shot glass, she replied, “No. There’s something after me. Messing up any chance of having a normal job. A normal life. Except that it was kind of messed up already. You know, with school, and jobs… pretty bad even without the evil.”

“So you, uh, just what? Gonna let these demons play you till they figure out what kills you?” he said clearly irritated.

Buffy shrugged, indifferent about the whole situation. “Giles is working on it.”

Spike laughed bitterly. “Oh, good, ‘cause Giles wields the mighty force of library books.”

“You’d do better?”

“Damn right! I’d hit the demon world.” Spike brought a leg over the coffin, straddling it as Buffy began refilling their glasses. “Ask questions, throw punches, find out what’s in the air. Hmm? It’s fun too.”

Buffy smiled as she picked up her glass and swallowed the liquid down. “It’s not my kind of fun.”

“Yeah, it is.” Spike grinned. “And your life’s gonna get a lot less confusing when you figure that out.”

She was suspicious of his theory, but deep down knew it held a bit of truth. Or at least at one time it had. Before, she loved the thrill of a good fight, at one with both her Slayer and human side unleashing all the stress and pain that came with her calling. But since her return, the fight hadn’t filled that empty spot.

“You’re not a schoolgirl. You’re not a shop girl,” Spike explained as Buffy poured herself another shot. “You’re a creature of the darkness. Like me.”

Buffy looked up at him, brows raised.

“Try on my world. See how good it feels.” His gaze dared her to see it his way, and walk into the darkness with him.

Curious of his meaning, she asked, “What would I find out in your world that I can’t find in mine?”

Spike huffed. “First off, we could find out about the demons that attacked you. Demons and vampires talk, luv. Especially when it comes to fighting the Slayer. We could go down to Willy’s find out what’s in the air.”

“And how would that work? I’m sure as soon as I walk in the door everyone will be jumping at the opportunity to give me information. Come on Spike, no demon or vampire is going to help me out.”

“You’re right, they won’t. But with me by your side, you have a greater chance of getting information.”

He was getting cocky about the whole thing, and she wondered if he really did have a plan. If this was the usual Spike she was used to then this was all bullshit.

“How? Are we going to take each one out back, and beat them for information?”

“As tempting as that sounds, no. We’re going to play cards.”

“Cards?” she said skeptically, but curiously interested in where he was going with this.

Spike shook his head at her obvious naivety. “Yeah, cards. The lowlifes talk as they play. We’ll get much more from them if they think we are there to unwind. But you might want to slow down with the whiskey. I don’t need you drunk if it comes down to blows.”

“I’m not drunk.” Buffy hiccupped.

Spike smiled. “I can see that, with the change in speech and all.”

Buffy pouted. “I’m not drunk. I’m just coming out of my bad mood is all.”

With an eyebrow raised, Spike took the bottle from Buffy’s hand, corked it and sat it next to him. “Do you play poker?”

“What do you think?”

“Guessing not. Okay, not a problem. We’ll go over a few things first, and not to worry about you losing, probably will work to my advantage anyhow.”

Spike took the whiskey with both glasses and walked over to the beaten dresser, sitting down the items and pulling out a deck of cards from the top drawer. He then took the same position on the coffin, and laid the cards down front side up.

“Now first things first, the basics. Do you know the different hands and how they rank?”

“I know a few things. My dad used to play when I was a kid, but that was a long time ago.”

“Well then, we’ll start with the lowest ranking hand and work our way up.” He shuffled through the cards pulling out what looked like random matches and laid them down between them.

It took some time but Spike went over all the various hands, stopping when she had questions and making sure she at least had the basics before they went jumping into a poker game. He warned her to keep up appearances, even act a little drunk to throw them off.

“Just pretend you know what you’re doing,” he said with a smirk. "Do you think you can remember all of that?”

After all that plus drinking, did he really think she could commit to memory all the rules plus all the hands? Yeah, this was going to be a really bad idea.

“Not a chance. Are you sure we can’t just beat them up for information?”

Spike looked up, and shook his head. “Just try your best. Your winning isn’t what this is about anyways, but I do need you to appear to be casual. Put these guys on edge, and they won’t say a word.”

“Fine.” Buffy huffed. “Anything else I should know?”

Spike eyes roamed over her, and gave her a cocky grin when he noticed her disapproval. “Yeah, betting. Do you have anything of value on you?”

With the state her finances were in, there was no way she could give up anything with a monetary value right now.

Without thinking she replied, “Not unless you count my clothes.”

“I might, especially if this was strip poker with just you and I playing, but the guys won’t be so interested.”

“Like you would ever be able to talk me into playing strip poker.”

“Keep telling yourself, luv.” He winked at her then gave her a shit eating grin.

Buffy rolled her eyes. If he only knew how often she reminded herself of how dangerous he was, and to watch her feelings about him. She knew it was a mistake to keep coming here every time things seemed dire. But she couldn’t help it. For whatever reason she kept looking for him to lead her out of the cluster fuck her life had become. That little voice in the back of her head kept telling her that it didn’t matter as long as he was able to help and if not she wasn’t any worse for wear, well…

Yeah, she didn’t believe either.

“No telling needed. Not happening, Spike.”

She wasn’t sure but she could have sworn he whispered, “One day you’ll see.”

Okay, change the subject! “Is there anything here maybe you can lend me, or pay you back for?”

“No, everything here is pretty much junk.” He looked around the room, trying to scope out something with value. “I really don’t have anything they’d be interested in, unless…” He looked at her as he pondered something.

“Well…What?” Buffy really didn’t like the look on his face. It scared her to think of what crazy, stupid plan he had come up with.

“Well, there is something, but you might not like it.”

“Out with it Spike. I’m not in the mood for guessing games.”

“Don’t stake the idea right off. Just think about it.” He stared at her for a moment, as if trying to pick the right words. “What do you have that no one else in Sunnydale has?

“Crushing debt and a quirky personality.”

“I’m serious.” He scoffed at her sarcasm. “Power. To harness that kind of power is priceless.”

Her eyes widened, perplexed by the thought of someone in Sunnydale getting their hands on her power. And how would they do that if she even wanted to entertain this harebrained idea and let them? It all sounded like one big joke.

“What are you going to do? Gamble my services off as bounty hunter?”

“No…your blood.”

Did he just say what she thought he did?

“What?”

“Your blood contains magic. The essence of the Slayer runs through your veins. All we have to do is extract a small vial of blood, and we’ll have them hooked.”

She sputtered at the notion. “I’m not gambling a vial of my blood to a bunch of vampires so they can spread the news that I’m selling myself for cash!”

“It’s not vampires we’re playing, luv. Demons. Any of them would love to get their hands on a vial of your blood to use for some spell or something. Besides, it won’t be near enough for them to do anything big and cause you problems later. But it is enough to ease their nervousness of you and talk, which is exactly what you want right?”

Buffy chewed on her lip as she contemplated what Spike said and the moral ramifications of doing something like this could cause. They would use it for spells and what else? Was there something in it for Spike? She was sure he would like to get his hands on her blood for himself. Of course, a vial wouldn’t be nearly enough for him to be satisfied. She had seen how much blood those coffee cups contained. So where was this coming from?

“What’s in it for you?” Buffy asked with a stern look on her face to let him know she wasn’t fucking around.

“Nothing, unless I win. And make no assumptions, pet. I plan on winning.” He said with a curl to his upper lip.

“So best case scenario is, you win it and digest it.” Buffy frowned. “Then no worries that it will be used for anything that could hurt anyone else. Do I have that right?”

Spike nodded.

“Worst case scenario is one of the demons wins it, and uses it for a spell. Considering I’ve been around Willow for enough spells gone wrong, there are plenty of ways this idea is a terrible one… Spike, this isn’t going to work. I’m not going to risk innocent people getting hurt, just so I can get information. There’s another way.”

“Luv, you’ve got to take some risks. You should know that by now. There is always a risk of someone getting hurt, or some new danger. It doesn’t mean you should wave it off immediately, and risk not finding out who it is that’s trying to hurt you. Remember they could be hurting other innocents too. Besides, I’m quite the card player. How do you think I ended up with the crypt?”

“You won the crypt in a card game?” Buffy said incredulously.

Spike laughed. “Yeah, a nice crypt like this doesn’t stay empty. Won it off a Frellian demon and had a bloody hard time claiming my prize. Welcher she was. Let’s just say she won’t be around to reclaim it.”

Buffy sat in silence, weighing her options and their possible outcomes. This had disaster written all over it. But, she didn’t have any other ideas on how to find out what was going on. Spike did have a point. The demon world would be buzzing with information if she just allowed herself to listen. She needed to find a way in, and it seemed like the best way. Hopefully, Spike’s arrogance wouldn’t make this even worse than it already was.

“Fine, I’ll do it. But if you’re playing me or setting me up in any way, I will kill you.”

His hands went to his chest. “A death threat, Slayer? You do know the way to my heart.”

“I mean it Spike.”

“No worries Slayer, this isn’t a trick. It will work. You just have to trust me.”

That’s what she was afraid of.

Chapter 2

After relentless arguing, Buffy finally agreed to ride on the back of Spike’s motorcycle. He flat out refused to walk, stating time was of the essence. Buffy thought he just wanted to get her on the back of his bike so she would have to hold on to what he called his hot, tight little body.

And that was part of her resistance.

She hated to admit it but there was attraction between them. And boy didn’t he know it, exploiting it every chance he got, flirting or throwing innuendo into what should be a serious conversation. Most of the time, she ignored it. But tonight, she found herself smiling or laughing, taking it all in stride, never taking it serious, of course.

But even now she found herself holding onto him tight as the wind blew in her face. His normal scent of leather, cigarettes and liquor comforted her as she leaned a bit closer, pretending to get a better look at the landscape.

Her breath caught as she realized what she was doing. Appalled by her lack of judgment, she put a little distance between them, loosening her grip on his duster. She didn’t know what was going on with her. For a moment there, she felt like leaning her head against him and indulging in the warmth that seemed to spread the closer she got to him.

It was the alcohol. That had to be it! It was the one thing that seemed to make sense. She had hung out with him plenty of times before and had never acted on anything, knowing all too well that a tiny crumb would push him to take things further. It was time to sober up, really fast.

The bar looked pretty crowded as they pulled up to the curb, and Spike parked his bike next to an expensive looking Harley. Four demons stood outside of the entrance staring as Buffy got off of the bike and walked with Spike to the door. The demons quickly averted their eyes and walked in the opposite direction. Spike didn’t say anything and held the door open, and Buffy entered the bar.

A cloud of cigarette smoke blurred the room while loud music blared from the jukebox in the corner playing a Cheap Trick song, as an argument brewed between a vampire and a green spotted demon. Things seemed pretty similar to The Bronze except for the smoke and demonic energy coming from the place. Buffy felt right at home.

They walked up to the bar, and Spike ordered drinks laying down a few bills.

“Are the boys gathered yet in the back?” Spike asked while checking out the scene around him.

Willy sat down two double shots of whiskey in front of Spike. Eagerly, he swallowed both down, one right after the other.

“Yeah, I think there are four of them back there tonight. Try not to start anything and tear the place apart.”

Buffy assumed he was talking to Spike, until he nudged her. Buffy looked up to Willy staring at her.

Surprised, Buffy replied, “I’m not here for any trouble. Just need a night to unwind.”

“Sure. Just make sure you take it outside if things get out of hand, yeah?”

“No problem.”

Spike nodded to Willy, grabbing a bottle of Jack and walked to the back of the building into the storeroom. Shelves full of liquor filled boxes and beer cases lined the wall, and a green felt table sat at the end of the room with four demons sitting around it.

“Remember what we talked about, pet,” Spike whispered as he walked up to the table.

Buffy followed him.

“Mates, got room for two more?” he said as he motioned to Buffy and himself.

A red demon with three eyes and horns looked up at Spike then at the group. “He kills our kind. Don’t let him in.”

Annoyed, Spike lifted the disgruntled demon up out of his chair and pushed him toward the door. “There’s that then. The lady and I want to buy in.” Spike pulled out the now vacated chair for Buffy and grabbed a chair sitting by the wall, taking a seat next to her.

“What have you brought of value, Spike? Remember tonight, no money allowed so it keeps the game interesting. The Slayer will need to buy in too if she wants to play,” said a green demon with a protruding forehead and horns. He smiled at her with sharp teeth and twinkling eyes.

It gave her the creeps.

“Yeah, yeah I remember. I think you might be interested in what we’ve brought.”

The green demon reached down and grabbed several painted stones out of his cloak, sitting them in the empty basket in the middle of the table.

“Nice Abigor. Haven’t seen charm stones in ages,” said a scaly red demon with tentacles coming out of its head like dreadlocks.

A pale demon with sagging skin sat down a silver globe, and without pause the scaly demon sat down a dagger with an intricate engraving on the handle. All eyes moved to Spike and Buffy as they waited to see what they had to offer. Spike pulled out of his pocket a vial with what looked to be a small cockroach and tossed it in the basket.

Buffy’s eyes rose in surprise as she wondered what the hell it was.

Before she was able to verbalize her thoughts, the saggy skin demon said, “A verbox, Spike? Where did you get one of those?”

“Never mind that Clem, it’s here isn’t it,” Spike said with a smirk.

Buffy raised her eyes, questioning the significance of Clem’s remark. Spike just waved her off. She stared at him for a moment, her blood pressure rising. Later she would have plenty to say about this, but for now she would keep with the plan and keep her cool.

She sat there quietly until Spike nudged her, and gave her a look.

“Oh, right. I guess it’s my turn.” She giggled, trying to appear a bit tipsy to put the demons at ease and to hide her lack of experience of the game. As unsure she was about doing this, she knew there was no turning back. She grabbed the small vial out of her jeans pocket and laid it in the basket.

The demons all stared at it.

“Blood, Slayer? I’m sure that’s an attractive prize to Spike, but I don’t see how any of the rest of us here will be interested,” Abigor said.

Defiant, Buffy lifted her chin and stared at each of the demons with a smirk on her face. “That’s not ordinary human blood. It’s mine.”

“Is that so? So we are supposed to take your word for it, and believe this is your blood? I wouldn’t think a Slayer would be so ready to give up something as powerful as her blood, especially to a group of demons?” Abigor’s tone was arrogant and snide.

The others folded their arms in agreement, and waited for her explain.

Buffy rolled her eyes and stared them down. There was no way she was going to let these bastards think they were going to intimidate her. That was her job, damn it!

Slowly, she raised her left hand, revealing the cut in the center of her palm where she sliced it earlier. There hadn’t been much time and few ways to collect the blood, so she sent Spike out of the room and went with the old fashion way with Spike’s knife. Not that it didn’t sting or anything.

There was a collective gasp and the demons were speechless for a few minutes, as if they were processing what was actually happening.

Satisfied, Buffy leaned back in her chair and folded her arms.

Spike laughed. “Deal, mate. You’ve all the proof you need she’s not bluffing.”

They muttered their approval. The saggy skin demon called Clem started shuffling the cards, as the dreadlocked demon referred to as Savnock distributed the chips. Abigor shifted in his chair, obviously agitated.

Spike nodded.

Buffy sat back in her chair as Clem dealt each player the appropriate amount of cards. She reached down and picked up her hand, moving her cards around so she could determine if she had a decent hand or not.

To be honest, she wasn’t really sure. With her attention span, she had forgotten most of the hands Spike had shown her earlier. At least she could remember like number cards equated to a hand. The rest she would just wing and see how it went.

Before they left the crypt, Spike told her that each of the demons he normally played with had tells that could give her an idea of what kind of hand they had. ‘Abigor doesn’t blink much if he has a good hand, and Savnock holds his breath and sits still,’ he had said. ‘Clem on the other hand would be a bit harder to read. His style is more toward how he placed his bets.’ Since this was above Buffy’s level, Spike told her not to worry about him too much and leave that to him.

The game began with Abigor placing the first bid. Buffy leaned back in her chair and relaxed, seamlessly going with the game’s rhythm, trying her best to look interested. She grabbed the bottle of Jack next to Spike and took a swig, refraining from making a face since she didn’t want to appear to be a novice at this drinking thing. With this bunch, she knew any sign of weakness could come back and bite her.

She ended up bidding, deciding it was better to look like she cared rather than looking around bored. Surprisingly, she didn’t make any embarrassing errors and made it to the end of the hand, with Spike winning the pot.

Of course, he had to rub it in their faces.

“Well, well, well. It looks like it’s my lucky night after all, mates. Maybe I will be getting me some of that Slayer blood after all,” he said winking at her.

The demons murmured their annoyance, as Savnock grabbed the cards to shuffle and dealt the next hand.

She rolled her eyes as she laughed at him. Her body felt light as his enjoyment seemed to reach her, heating her cheeks. His eyes were lit with laughter and heat as he brushed his hand against hers under the table. Her skin tingled.

What the hell was going on with her? Never before would she outright flirt with him or show any interest whatsoever in his advances. So why was she now? It was difficult to dismiss this as a casual lapse in judgment since her body seemed to jump to attention the closer he got. So why was this happening now?

Was it because of all the time she had been spending with him? Or was it that he was the only person right now that she could stand to be around? That had to be it.

Normally she would have turned to her friends in her time of need, but she couldn’t. They were the ones that had pulled her out of heaven after all. How could she talk to them about that, or hope they would understand? Instead she turned to Spike and confided the misery she was in. For whatever reason, she had this glimmer of hope that he could pull her out of the black hole she was drifting through. Right now he was her best shot, and she was not going to screw that up and lead him on.

She shifted in her chair to give herself a bit more space from him, and took another swig from the whiskey bottle. This would be her last one, she decided.

“Never thought of you as much of a drinker, Slayer?” Clem said.

“Is that so?” she said with indifference.

“Yeah, I never thought I’d see the day that a Slayer would sit at the table and play cards with the likes of us.”

“Well, I guess there’s a first for everything.”

Spike snorted.

After several hands, Buffy lost all her chips and was out with the likes of Clem and Savnock. Nothing had came up so far in the conversation about anything that happened today, and with Abigor holding a few chips, it didn’t look like she was going to get the information she needed.

“I raise,” Abigor said grabbing three chips and threw them into the pot.

Spike concentrated on his cards for a second and tossed three chips in. “I call.” He paused. “Let see what you’ve got.”

They both laid their cards down for everyone to see.

Spike rubbed his hands together, and laughed as he gathered up the chips. In front of him sat a flush.

“What a lucky night for you, Spike,” Abigor said, grumbling.

“I guess my lady has brought a bit of my luck back.”

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Alright, you ready to finish this?” Spike said.

While Abigor dealt the next hand, Willy walked into the room and grabbed a box of beers and quickly disappeared.

“I’m surprised Willy got the bar cleaned up so quickly after that fight yesterday,” Clem said. “That M’Fashniki demon sure tore the front room apart.”

“Oh yeah? Couldn’t hold his liquor could he?” Spike replied casually, knowing Buffy had killed an M’Fashniki demon the day before.

“No, no it wasn’t that. He came in bragging about hitting up the Sunnydale Savings and Loan. Said his backers were going to give him the….”

Savnock interrupted. “I don’t think he had an appreciation for Klor’s jokes.”

“Well what did he expect, walking in here after making a deal with those three puny humans? Nobody is going to take you seriously after that,” said Clem.

“Humans trying blend in with the likes of us? Please tell me someone took care of those stupid gits.” Spike replied.

Buffy gave him a dirty look letting him know she didn’t appreciate the comment, but mostly so the group wouldn’t get suspicious of her. She knew they were onto something real and hoped they would give away a bit more without having to be pushed. Savnock already seemed on edge after Clem almost gave away what she already knew was her part in this story. Little did they know, the M’Fashniki demon was dead.

“No, they ran off before anyone could do anything.”

“What human in their right mind would come here? Idiots,” Buffy said.

Clem looked surprised by her comment. Savnock stared at her for a moment, obviously fascinated by her comment. She stared at him until he looked away.

“It happens every now and again. You’d be surprised. One of those guys had been in here before. Apparently he built a robot for one of the Lillard demons that used to be in town,” Clem said.

“A robot, huh? Sounds like a bloody loser to me. Hope he scared them off for good. Last thing we want are humans hanging out here,” Spike said, pretending to debate on whether to call or bet. Eventually, he picked up a few chips throwing them into the pot. “Are you in or out, Abigor?”

“I’m all in.” He pushed all of his chips in with a smirk. “All right, let’s see it.”

Abigor laid down a straight and went to reach for the chips.

“Not so fast,” Spike said as he laid his cards down. “I believe a four of a kind still beats a straight.”

Abigor’s face was aghast before turning into anger. “No way! You must have cheated. There is no way those are your cards. Let me see them!”

He stood knocking his chair to the floor, and grabbed the cards to test their authenticity.

“It’s impossible! I saw it. You had a three of a kind!”

“Ah.. using that x-ray vision are you? Some would call that cheating,” Spike said casually.

“How dare you accuse me of cheating!”

“I do dare. The pot is mine.”

Everyone stood at once.

Savnock and Clem both moved to stand by with Abigor.

“You better go Spike, and leave the winnings before things get ugly,” Clem said with a tremble to his voice.

“Or you’ll do what? If it’s a fight you want, you’ll face the both of us.”

“Fine by me,” Abigor replied as he grabbed the dagger off the table and charged at Spike, moving much faster than Buffy expected.

Spike whirled in a semicircle, his duster flying behind him, as he missed Abigor’s assault leaving him sailing past him right as Spike kicked his boot out. Abigor fell against one of the liquor shelves, the knife falling out of his hand as the shelf toppled over. Glass shattered, and bottles rolled over the concrete floor. Spike grabbed a bottle with the bottom missing, and picked Abigor up by the collar of his cloak holding the bottle to his neck.

“Think you’d stand a chance, huh?” Spike said laughing.

It was only then that Savnock had the presence of mind to try and get a jump on Buffy since she was momentarily distracted by Spike. On uneven feet, she swung on him missing completely, almost falling on her ass but caught herself at the last second. The room started to spin as she twirled around and kicked him in the stomach, sending him crashing into the concrete wall. With less speed than normal, she reached him before he was able to recover, sending crushing blows to his face. His head moved around like a bobble head doll on the verge of the spring exploding, until his neck snapped.

Buffy closed her eyes, trying to keep the room from spinning and her stomach from spilling its contents. God, she knew she was going to regret this drinking business tomorrow but there was no time to dwell on it now.

She looked over, and saw Spike throwing Abigor to the ground with a bottle sticking out of his head.

“I guess you weren’t up for the challenge after all, mate.” Spike kicked the corpse.

“Well I guess someone’s head is going to hurt worse than mine tomorrow,” Buffy said laughing.

Spike gave her a look of disbelief and smirked. Then he turned his attention to a stack of crates in the corner of the room. “Clem, are you hiding back there?”

Clem slowly stood up, with his hands in front of him, obviously surrendering.

“You know I’m not much of a fighter, Spike. Besides you guys looked like you had your hands full.”

Spike shook his head. “Mate, you sure know how to pick them. Next time you know where to stand.”

“Yeah, Spike.” He smiled, and walked out of the room.

“I’m surprised you let him go,” Buffy said, as Spike walked over to the poker table and picked up his winnings and shoved them inside his duster.

“Clem’s not a bad guy. Pretty harmless really, but next time if he stands against me, he will be the one with a bottle in his head.”

“Not a bad guy? He’s a demon. They’re all evil.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, luv. Clem there doesn’t care for humans. The only thing he kills are kittens. Says they’re tasty.”

She thought she might be sick, and held up her hand for Spike to stop.

“Are you alright, pet? Do you need to sit down or anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Just the thought of eating kittens.”

“It’s not so bad if you consider. He doesn’t bother humans or really anyone. He’s harmless.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “A demon harmless? Yeah right.”

Spike looked at her with a serious look on his face. “You may not believe me, but you should. There are plenty of nonviolent demons around town. But with the way you and your Scoobies feel about demons, there’s no wonder you had no idea. Clem and a few of the others could be helpful, if you would just open your eyes.”

Was this really true? Were there demons running around town she didn’t even know about? Buffy wondered if he was telling her the truth or trying to manipulate her into thinking a demon could be trusted. She knew he was a sneaky bastard when it came to getting something he wanted, but maybe this time it had weight to it.

She would have to look into this more later, and see for herself. Which reminded her about the cockroach looking thingy.

“What the hell was that thing you brought?”

“A verbox. Nasty little bugger. It attacks your cerebral cortex and hallucinations set in. Undead types like to use them on their enemies as way to get them to talk.”

“What the fuck, Spike! Where did you get it?”

He shook his head. “You know I can’t tell you, luv. But just know it will never be used on you.”

“So you have plans to use it on someone then?” she said with a disgusted looked on her face.

“Well obviously I can’t use it on humans! Remember the damn chip. If it gets used, it will be on another vamp or a demon. Can’t say I thought you would worry too much for their safety.”

Well, he did have a point but she still wanted to know where something like that came from. If it were to get into the wrong hands, it could be used against her or her friends.

“Right now, you might wish I was able to use it, since we need to drop in on an old friend of ours. Sounds like he’s moved out of the bot business into sometime a bit more on my level,” Spike said with a grin on his face.

Buffy rolled her eyes, refusing to comment.

Now with the information she needed, it was time to get down to the real business of the night, and see if a demon’s word was worth as much as she hoped it was.

Chapter 3

It didn’t take long for Buffy and Spike to remember the way to the small ranch home belonging to Warren Mears’ parents. After the fight, they slipped out the front without a word to Willy about the mess in the back, or the fact he had lost two more customers.

Before setting off, Spike spoke of what he remembered of the house, and that they should check out the basement. He avoided discussing the details of his knowledge of the geeky man child, but Buffy knew his encounters involved the bot.

The thought of the robot designed in her likeness still freaked her out, and she very much did not want intimate details of its exploits. Still she had known then he had feelings for her, as crazy and obsessive as they seemed, and the bot was a reflection of that. But now after spending so much time with him, she could see that he had changed.

And it confused her. He confused her.

There were so many layers to him. Before, she thought she knew everything she needed to know about him. Evil, manipulative, impatient and a hell of a fighter were some the words she would have used to describe him. But now, she knew there was more. He would say something or do something out of character, unveiling a new part of himself without realizing. It intrigued her, but scared her at the same time. She didn’t know why she was so interested. She knew she shouldn’t be. But yet, there was this pull to know more, to find out what else he had kept from her. It was as if she didn’t really know him at all.

But she did.

She didn’t even need to ask at the bar if he wanted to investigate this new lead with Warren. She knew he would do anything she asked of him. Wouldn’t question her motives or tell her to wait till tomorrow because of her obviously intoxicated state. He just asked her if she was okay enough to hang on and not fall off the back of the bike.

She had no trouble holding onto Spike as he drove, ending up on the street over from Warren’s house, parking by an old garage, covered with shrubbery, and shadowed from the street lamps. He thought it was a good idea to hide the bike, and sneak up on the house in case Warren was ready for them with a few tricks up his sleeve.

Her body felt light and slightly off balanced as she got off, almost losing her footing. Spike immediately grabbed her by the elbow, steadying her.

She couldn’t help but giggle as she leaned into him, holding onto the lapels of his duster.

“Easy there, luv. Take a deep breath, and get your bearing, yeah?” He waited patiently as she followed his directive. “Do you think it wise to confront Warren when you can barely stand? Maybe you should leave this to me.”

Buffy glared, not at all happy with the suggestion that she was less than capable of handling this situation. “Absolutely not, I’m fiine. The ground has already stopped moving. Just give me a second to keep my cookies down.” Her voice was louder than normal, almost shouting.

He laughed a smirk forming on his face. “You might think about lowering your voice. Don’t want to alert the entire neighborhood that we’re here.”

She gave him a look that told him that she didn’t appreciate his amusement. God knew he was getting a kick out of this. And didn’t it piss her off. But she didn’t have time for that right now. There were bigger things to worry about.

She took a few more deep breaths, and calmed her stomach to a quiet growl. She smiled, completely forgetting that she was still holding tightly onto him.

“Luv, as much as I want you this close and looking at me like that, you might want to take a step back. I only have so much control.” His jaw clenched, his blue eyes seemed to glow bright with emotions she was too well aware of.

She glanced down at the pavement and took a step back, Spike’s gaze still lingering on her.

Her heart raced as a picture formed in her head of what could have transpired if he had taken advantage of the situation. His cool lips on hers, tasting, caressing, devouring. His hands stroking her face as he rubbed his body against hers. The thought made her quiver, a tingle forming between her legs that made her wet with anticipation.

And that was the scary part, wasn’t it?

She wanted him.

As much as she wanted to deny what was happening and blame it on the alcohol, she knew better. God, what was a matter with her? Clearly, she was attracted to him, her body humming from just being near him. But she needed to get a grip before she had anymore bouts of insanity and actually gave into the desire.

Spike stepped toward her, and laid a hand on her shoulder. Before he could say anything, she pushed his hand away and stepped around him heading toward Warren’s house.

Her steps were still a bit wobbly but that wasn’t going to stop her from running from the situation.

“What are you waiting for? Let’s see what our old friend Warren is up to,” she said without turning around.

She felt him pause for a second then his booted stride was right behind her.

They found the house dark with no tell-tell signs of a television flickering in the window or a lamp left on to keep any would be burglars at bay. Even the driveway sat bare, though there appeared to be a garage in the back.

Keeping to the shadows, they ran across the road to the yard next to the house, staying as close as they could away from any visible outdoor lights in case they were motion sensor activated. Buffy crept closer to the house after she was satisfied nothing would trigger an alarm.

Once she rounded the corner of the house, she stopped and stared.

Sitting by the garage was a black 70s model van with a paint job that shouted spray paint and cheap aftermarket rims. All it needed was those weird brown curtains to hang from the windows. But that wasn’t what threw her. She had seen this van before.

“What is it?” Spike asked, looking at her curiously.

“That van…. I saw it earlier today at the jobsite. The horn blared right after I took out those demons.”

Spike scowled, and approached the van.

Buffy followed, walking around the van as the vague memory of the nerd sounding horn filtered her mind. Sure she had taken notice of the noise, but never thought that it had meant something.

Now it wasn’t just a coincidence. Something was up.

“This has to be connected in some way. I mean why else would Clem say Warren had backed that M’Fashniky demon then I see this van after an attack,” she said, trying to keep her voice to barely a whisper.

“It seems Clem was right, pet. But we still need proof. Look there.” Spike pointed to a lit basement window near the corner of the house. “It seems someone might be home after all.”

Buffy quietly walked over to the edge of the window, lying down on her hands and knees to peek in. Spike stayed back as lookout.

The window was layered with dirt and grass clippings but she was still able to get a good look inside. It was a typical basement with storage shelves and random furniture. However, there was a computer area on the opposite side of the room with several monitors hanging from the wall and keyboards on a desk. It looked really high tech. But she didn’t see anyone around.

She scanned the rest of the room, seeing a seating area lifted up from the floor with three gamer chairs. Soda cans, wrappers and something green littered the platform. She lightly rubbed the window to get a better look. But it didn’t help.

If she didn’t know better, the green littering the floor had to be money. But without breaking and entering right now, there was no way to find out for sure.

Right as she pushed up from the ground to fill in Spike, voices filtered through as heavy footsteps echoed off the wooden stairs.

She dropped back down, and huddled at the edge of the glass as she caught a glimpse of Nike sneakers and badly faded jeans. Buffy recognized Warren immediately as he reached the landing, walking over to the gamer chairs, taking a seat in the middle. A boy she didn’t know followed as well as a short guy wearing an oversized striped t-shirt.

He looked very familiar, but she couldn’t immediately place him. She fumbled through memories trying desperately to identify him, but kept coming up empty. It was like cramming for an exam and completely going blank the moment the test touched your desk. She knew the answer, she just couldn’t think.

Her mind was full of cotton, slowing down her thought process, but she kept trying to remember while she kept her post.

The guys weren’t doing any interesting that would lead her to believe they had been behind the attacks. They appeared to be typical nerds, turning the television on and grabbing controllers and headsets. This led to a weak scuffled between Warren and the striped shirt guy, both of them with their hands on a controller trying to tug it away from the other. Warren pushed the much smaller guy away into a concrete wall, and laughed. The little guy looked upset and raised his voice as he approached Warren.

She heard his voice loud and clear, and immediately placed where she had heard it before.

Sunnydale High.

Jonathan.

But what was he doing here? What was he doing with Warren, and what the hell did she have to do with whatever they were up to? Something wasn’t right. There was definitely more going on here than she knew.

Slowly, she sat up from her spot in the grass, leaning on the edge of the house until her vision was under control. Then crept over to Spike where he stood the shadows, perched against a tree.

“He’s here, but he’s not alone. He’s with Jonathan, and some other guy I don’t recognize.” Buffy paused. “I don’t know for sure, but I think the stolen money is there.”

Spike nodded. “What do you want to do? Go in guns a blazin’ or sneak in? You know I’m limited with this sodding chip.”

Buffy’s heart sank not realizing until now that Spike was right. With that chip in his head, he wouldn’t be able to do much if the guys fought back. Not that she thought they could give her much of a fight, but she couldn’t hurt them. And it would be easy for one of them to slip away while she dealt with the other two. What could she do to keep this from escalating but still find out if these were her guys?

“We call the police. They come here and find them with the cash, and arrest them for the bank robbery. Surely the money can be traced as stolen.”

“Coppers? You really trust them enough not to flub this one up? One wrong mistake and they’re back to making your life hell.”

Buffy stood, silent, with her hands clenched as her mind whirled at the thought of them getting away with it.

“You’re right.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re right. We need a game plan. This isn’t just a patrol and stake. These are humans.” Her stomach was starting to roll again, so she leaned against the tree for support. “We need to think about this and come back tomorrow.”

“Are you sure, luv? Just because they’re human doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of more than just a demon brawl and a good robbery.”

He had a point. She was well aware, but they were human.

They couldn’t just go in and attack like they normally would if this was a bunch of vampires or demons. This was new territory, and she needed to think.

Unfortunately, it was a little difficult right now.

Before she was willing to make a call, she quietly walked back to the basement window to see what they were up to, making sure they didn’t look like they were leaving any time soon. Unfortunately because of the state she was in, she was less than graceful and tripped over her own feet, hitting her head against the side of the house, hard.

She clutched her head, and prayed they hadn’t heard the noise.

Spike appeared, immediately pulling her to her feet. He gently rubbed her forehead as he checked her for any injuries.

“I can hear them scrambling in there. We need to get out of here before they come out and see us standing here. No fun if we lose the element of surprise,” Spike said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the window, back toward the driveway.

“Fine, but we come back tomorrow. I’m not letting them get away with this.”

A wicked grin lit Spike’s face. “And neither am I, luv.”

Satisfied, they took off back to the bike.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thud!

Warren looked toward the back of the basement where the noise came from, ignoring Jonathan and Andrew. They were completely oblivious, still arguing over whether Halo 3 or Call of Duty Black Ops was the superior shooter game.

“Did you guys hear that?” Warren asked. He walked over to their security center, checking the wall of monitors for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. But nothing seemed out of place.

Grabbing a seat, he quickly keyed an access code to change the view of all six monitors to show one enlarged view of the backyard. Then he rewound the video back a few minutes, pressed play and waited.

A blur popped up near the garage stumbling toward the left side of the house. The image was too dark, shadows blocking any defining features, so he changed the view to the camera mounted on the garage. With a few clicks of the mouse, he adjusted the lighting, hoping to get a better look at their trespasser. The image was clear but still too far away to get a good look. He zoomed in.

Blonde hair flashed across the screen as a head made contact with the side of the house. Immediately, a flash of black and blonde appeared, lifting the now visible woman to her feet. It wasn’t until the black clad man lifted the woman’s head did he finally get a good glimpse at her face.

“No. No. No. Shit not yet!” Warren watched as the Slayer and the now recognizable vampire Spike ran off toward the driveway. He changed half of the monitors to the driveway view and the other to the front of the house. He watched them run across the street into his neighbor’s yard, disappearing into darkness.

For a moment, he panicked not having a clue of what to do. This wasn’t a part of the plan! They were careful hiring the M’Fashniki demon, inquiring in the demon underground, a place they were sure the Slayer did not frequent. They even used fake names.

But somehow the Slayer was still able to track them. He didn’t know how she managed to do it, but they needed a new plan quick if they wanted to keep the Slayer in the dark about their plans to take over Sunnydale.

“Guys, get over here.”

They ignored him.

“Shut up and get over here! We have a situation.”

Jonathan and Andrew looked unsure as they walked over to the surveillance equipment, standing behind Warren as he backed up the video. Both boys stood silent as the video replayed, showing the unsuspecting trio they had been found out.

“Who’s that dark gleam of peroxide blond?” Andrew asked, staring intently.

“That’s Spike. He’s a vampire.” Warren answered as he rewound the footage again trying to make sure he didn’t miss anything. “But that’s not the point, the Slayer was here.”

“How come the alarms we set didn’t go off?” Jonathan asked, looking sheepish.

“I don’t know, still looking into it.” Warren had several different windows opened, his hands shaking as he looked into the security measures they had set up weeks ago. The technology was state of the art and should have triggered an alarm the moment anyone stepped onto the property.

He couldn’t understand what happened. He set everything up himself, with a little help from the others. Certainly nothing he had done would have caused such as massive slip up. He tested everything several times, so it had to be something either Jonathan or Andrew had done. There was no way he was responsible for this. But right now he had to fix a couple of things to get things back online just in case they decided to come back.

“Gentlemen everything has been reset.” He stood up from his seat as he addressed the guys, standing to his full height so he could tower over both of them. When it came down to business, he knew this let them know who was in charge. “Now what are we going to do about the Slayer?”

Andrew was chewing on his fingers, looking thoughtful. Jonathon had a look on his face Warren couldn’t place.

“Well the invisibility ray is almost ready. We could just shoot her with it, and let the radiation take care of it,” Andrew said.

“We are still waiting on a few parts and it will be another two weeks before they arrive. We need to think of something before then,” Warren said, clearly irritated.

Jonathan sighed with a concerned look on his face. “Guys, we don’t want to hurt Buffy, we just need to redirect her attention is all. Maybe setup another incident and have it look like someone else did it.”

They all stood in silence, deep in thought.

Warren walked over to a table full of building plans, equipment diagrams and books, pulling an ancient looking text he had acquired after a drunken evening in front of the computer a few months back. He thumbed through it hoping to find inspiration.

The guys were still bickering with each other about various plans they thought would work and keep Buffy relatively safe. He had no such concerns, thinking it would only be to their benefit if they could eliminate her all together. Now to find something that could do just that without a trace back to them.

He continued looking at spells and various demon species, all coming up short for their purposes until the word consume popped from the page. It instantly set his mind in motion as he read down the page, absorbing the information until he came across a picture. The demon had a human’s torso with tentacle hands and legs, but that wasn’t what got his attention. Tentacles wrapped around the edges of the demon’s head, a wide mouth with sharp teeth layered in the middle.

A smile spread across his face, as his heart speed up continuing to read more about how they could summon it. He knew this was what they needed to finally get rid of Buffy. Then there would be no way for her friends to screw things up and bring her back. The tough part now was to get the guys on board without giving too much away.

“Guys, I’ve got it. I know how we’re going to handle the Slayer.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The quick sprint back to the bike was enough to have her stomach in shreds and her gag reflex reeling. Spike held onto her upper arm the entire run back after she nearly tripped over her own feet before they left the driveway. He released her once they reached the alley after she tried to pull free more than once.

She didn’t make it very far before she fell to her knees and spilled the contents of her stomach. Her throat burned and her stomach gurgled as the evening’s fun came hurling onto the pavement. Instantly, Spike was right behind her, pulling her loose hair out of her face, and rubbed her back with his free hand as her body shook.

“It’s alright, luv. Let it all out,” he said, waiting patiently as she continued to struggle.

She gasped for air in between bursts, finally catching her breath before the next round started. This went on for what felt like forever until she finally had nothing left. Tears streamed down her face, as she slowed her breathing, praying it was the last of it. In the back of her mind, she kept repeating never again, over and over. If this didn’t prove that she wasn’t a drinker, she didn’t know what would.

Once he realized the worst of it was over, Spike slowly pulled her toward him, his eyes full of concern as he wiped the tears from her face, and caressed her cheek as he continued to murmur reassurances to her. She leaned into him, allowing him hold her as she begged her vision to rid itself of the black spots that seemed to pulse with her heartbeat. The night just kept get better and better as it went.

“God, I’m never drinking again.” She sniffled. “I should have known better. Buffy and drinking not so mixy.”

“It will be alright, pet. Just need to figure out when to stop is all. ‘Sides you’ll be fine tomorrow. That Slayer healing will have you all fixed up, yeah?”

“I guess so.” She snuggled closer, knowing he was right, but it wasn’t very comforting for the here and now. She was out of sorts and the only thing keeping her together was Spike. If not for him, she would probably be laying the ditch, praying for it all to stop. But instead she was in his arms as he continued to gently rub her back.

It was quite comforting.

They stayed like this for a while, until Buffy thought she might fall asleep. As much as she would love to fall asleep right now, it wasn’t the place. She pulled away, and slowly stood. Her vision blackened for a second before focusing. Spike stood right behind her, ready to catch her.

She started off toward the bike, realizing she should ask him for a ride home instead of going to the cemetery. Not thinking, she quickly whipped her head around and asked, “Do you think you can give me a ride to…” The movement was too fast and her vision faded before she finished the sentence and her body went limp.

Her last memory was hoping Spike would catch her before she hit the pavement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

‘Oh bloody hell.’

Spike caught her before her face had the opportunity to greet the pavement. He had kept a close watch knowing that she was on the verge of passing out, but knew she would refuse if he tried to carry her to the bike. She was so stubborn never listening, especially if the suggestion came from him.

He looked down at the stunning face that lay cradled against his chest, making soft snoring sounds. He leaned his head against hers and laughed to himself. She was out for the count, and any attempts at trying to wake her would be unsuccessful. Deciding to just let her be, he sat right where he was as he stroked her beautiful blond tresses.

A sense of peace came over him as he held her like this with her completely vulnerable. He knew she didn’t truly trust him, couldn’t see him beyond the fists and fangs, but tonight she did. How else could he explain what was happening now?

It was beyond his wildest dreams to actually be able to hold her like this, to take care of her like he knew he could. Something special was happening between them. He could feel it. Had been for weeks, but tonight was different. For the first time, he knew she felt it too and he was too selfish to just let it be.

This meant everything.

Of course, he wasn’t completely oblivious to the fact it had taken a lot of alcohol to get her there. A couple of shots of the good stuff and the stick up her ass had disappeared almost immediately. He couldn’t remember how long it been since she had smiled, certainly it was before all the shit with Glory went down.

An odd sensation of warmth covered him earlier when she smiled at him, it radiated over him in waves as he realized it wasn’t about her pretending to enjoy the hand of cards. He couldn’t help himself when he reached over and touched her hand. He just needed to feel her at that moment, and let her know that he was with her. There was no way she could know exactly how much of an affect she had on him. A smile and a brief caress directed his way was more than he had bargained for, sending his stomach fluttering like a twelve year old schoolgirl. And he didn’t care.

He was going to prove to her how right they were for each other, that he could be just what she needed. If only she would give them a chance. But that was a thought for another time. As much as he would like to freeze this moment caring and protecting her, he needed to get her back to Revello Drive.

He kissed the top of her head and easily lifted up, carrying her light weight over to the motorcycle, where he sat down with her in front leaning against his chest. Turning the ignition over, the engine roared to life, his arms on the handlebars locking her in.

Now to get them to her place in one piece and everyone be asleep so he could sneak them into the house without anyone giving him shit about the Slayer’s state. Her house wasn’t too far from here and at this time of night few people were on the road. Deciding to take it slow as to not disturb her, he enjoyed what was left of his time alone with her, choosing to not worry about anything else.

The light in the living room was on when he pulled up the curb, and he cursed his luck. He knew exactly what he would be up against stepping foot in the house. He just hoped to keep his temper in check and keep it civil, for Buffy’s sake as well as his own.

Sitting the bike on its stand, he gathered Buffy up holding her close as he walked to the house taking a deep breath, wafting in her scent. He secretly hoped his shirt would retain her unique smell mixed lavender and vanilla so he could sleep with it imagining her smile tonight. Only dreams of her would fill his head tonight. Not that it was different from any other.

His gaited boot steps were the only thing sturring as he walked up the porch steps, and opened the door. The house was quiet, the dining room dark, only the foyer and living room lights on as he shut the door behind him. With his supernatural hearing, he could hear the light turning of pages as he headed toward the stairs.

Giles sat on a flowery sheet covered couch, gazing at a book in front of him. He glanced up, eyes wide with surprise.

“Dear Lord, what has happened? Is she alright?” He rushed over, looking her over for injuries.

A low growl emitted from the center of his chest. His jaw clenched as he reigned in his emotions. “No, Watcher. Just a bit too much fun tonight is all. I need to get her upstairs to her room.”

Giles clearly didn’t believe him and continued to look for injuries, oblivious to Spike’s eye roll.

“I said she’s fine, Watcher. Just needs a good night’s rest and will be good as new. Let me get her upstairs, and I’ll be off.”

Giles’ jaw clenched as he realized the state his Slayer was in and with whom. He tore his glasses off of his face, pinching his nose. “I can’t bloody well believe this is happening. As if things weren’t bad enough without her getting drunk and passing out. Doesn’t she know the vulnerable position she’s put herself in?”

Spike raised his eyebrow at the mention of things being bad, listening to the Watchers rant. It didn’t surprise him she wouldn’t get any sympathy from him. The life of the Chosen one was one of perfection in the eyes of her peers. If he only knew how much their support would help her right now. But he was too blind for that. Fucking pompous bastard.

“She’s dealing. What do you lot expect from her? Come back and be the nice and proper Slayer she used to be?” Spike snorted. “She’s seen things you daft wankers couldn’t begin to imagine, and now you have the bloody gall to be surprised when she wants to tie one on, and dance with the dark side. Get bent, Watcher.

Giles sputtered. “But she has her calling, a responsibility, you idiotic fool. She can’t go off and get drunk and patrol. That’s incredibly irresponsible. She could have been killed.”

Spike’s lip curled. “Well we weren’t on patrol. Just finding a spot of violence is all. Besides, she’s fine. I was with her the entire time. Wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”

“Oh, that makes me feel so much better. The fact she dropped her guard and allowed herself to be vulnerable to you. I’ll never understand, chip or no chip.” Giles face was red, his anger reaching the surface.

Spike could feel himself losing the narrow grip he had on his temper, his demon crawling its way to the surface to put the Watcher in his place. But he knew better, was smart enough to know it would only make things worse. The best he could do was to outsmart the Watcher.

“Oh so it was okay for me to patrol with you and yours all summer, but it’s not okay to watch over her when she returns. Oh, I see how it is.” He laughed to himself.

Giles stammered. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Look. I’m only going to say this once, and you can believe me or not. It’s not like I care.” He paused to make sure he understood loud and clear. “I’m not going to hurt her, chip or no chip. As far as patrol goes, I’ve got her back, Watcher. Unlike you, I can see it clearly. She’s going through something and I’m not going to let her go about it alone and get herself killed because you think she should just move on or whatever else you think. She’s got me, no matter how much it twists your knickers.”

“Oh well that’s reassuring. It’s no surprise that you are right here at the ready to jump in. She may have forgotten, but I remember your obsession. If you think I’m going to stand by while you manipulate her, you’re sadly mistaken.”

Spike huffed, shaking his head. “Think what you want about me and my intentions, I don’t care. None of you lot matter except for Nibblet and the Slayer. If there is anything you can count on, it’s I won’t abandon them. Not now, not ever.”

He wanted to add that they needed him now more than ever, but thought better of it. The Watcher was blinded by deep rooted prejudice from the Council’s teachings, and he knew there was no way he was going to change his mind. It didn’t really matter to him what he thought, as long as the two most important people in his life thought differently.

He looked down at Buffy. She was completely still, deep in sleep. He was glad she wasn’t awake to listen to this idiotic exchange. It was pointless. The Slayer was suffering and no one seemed to really notice, unless she was doing something they didn’t like. It was time for her to be free of it all, and start living the life she wanted.

Giles eyes narrowed. “We would all be better off if you left town.”

“Well that’s not happening, so the argument is void.” His senses were tingling, letting him know it wasn’t far off from sunrise. He needed to stop this nonsense and get out of here. “She needs some rest. I’ll just put her in her room and be off.”

“You most certainly will not. I will not allow you in her room with her unconscious.”

“Fine. I’ll wake her then by passing her off to you. Not a problem. It’s not like she needs the rest.” He paused, waiting for a response, all the while laughing to himself. “Yeah, didn’t think so. Follow up then if you’re so worried.”

It amazed him the stupidity of this. If he was going to do anything, he would have certainly done it already. It wasn’t like he was known for his patience after all.

The stairs creaked as he walked up, the Watcher on his heels. Spike made sure not to hit her head or feet, not wanting to break the peaceful sleep she seemed to be in. Once he entered her room, he gave her a quick kiss on her forehead, shielding his actions from the Watcher. She stirred, leaning closer into his embrace. The movement went straight through him, his skin tingling from the contact.

Holding her still, he pulled her comforter down and gently laid her on the bed. He moved to remove her shoes, but Giles stopped him.

“I’ll take care of the rest. I think you have done enough for one night.”

Spike’s jaw clenched making his cheekbones even more prominent. Without another word, he left the room, flying down the stairs and out of the house. He was angry, but he wasn’t going to let it get to him. Not this time.

No, this time things were different. He just knew it.

Chapter 4

Buffy moaned as she rolled over, pulling her covers tight and cocooned herself further into her pillow, ignoring her body’s internal clock shouting for her to wake up. Right now she was too comfortable to get up and deal with anything. As far as she was concerned, the world and everything else be damned until she was ready to get out of her warm bed.

Her body felt relaxed after a peaceful night’s rest, thanks to the effects of her drinking binge and her subsequent passing out. It seemed to at least temporarily rid her of the vicious nightmares that frequented her nights. No dreams of waking up in a coffin and having to dig her way out, or the confusion of walking the hell like streets of Sunnydale with blurred vision and less than stellar hearing. Instead, a peaceful deep sleep pulled her under, protecting her from the unwelcomed memories that seemed to constantly seep through.

‘Maybe my dance with Jack last night was worth the bad case of cookie tossing,’ she thought as she struggled to fall back to sleep. Sure it wasn’t exactly a prime idea, getting good and drunk then finally puking her guts out, but at least the end result gave her what she needed so desperately. Plus the added bonus of actually letting loose and forgetting about the misery that was her life. It really wasn’t a bad night after all.

The front door slammed, multiple muffled voices urged Buffy from her restful state as she slowly sat up, stretching while trying to listen in to what was happening downstairs. Too many voices were speaking at once, but she could hear Xander’s over everyone else’s, only catching a few words here and there, none of it making sense. She looked over at her alarm clock, noticing it was much later than she had expected, nearly 3 o’clock in the afternoon.

She groaned as she got out of the bed, dragging her feet as she rubbed her forehead trying to lift the fogginess that seemed to be reluctant to loosen its hold. At least her head didn’t hurt, and her stomach seemed to be okay with the exception of being hungry. Now she needed to get dressed so she could see what was going on and grab a bite to eat.

After dressing in black shorts and a crochet white top, she put her hair in a loose ponytail and sprayed some light perfume on her neck and wrists then left her room. She was about to step onto the stairs but paused once she heard what they were discussing.

“You said that he brought her home, and she appeared to be passed out drunk? That doesn’t make sense. Buffy, doesn’t drink,” Willow said.

“No, she doesn’t. She gave it up pretty quickly after that bad beer incident at the pub,” Xander said.

“Be as it may, I did smell alcohol on her. Whether she was drinking it or it was spilled on her, I can’t say. But that isn’t the point right now, her passing out and leaving herself vulnerable with Spike is.”

Buffy gasped, lifting her hand to her mouth to keep from making any noise as she continued to listen to their opinions about her behavior and what they thought they should do. Willow seemed more than ready to do some kind of a spell to find out what had happened, Tara being the only one that wanted to wait until Buffy was able to give her side of the story before handing down judgment.

Where did they get off judging her? Sure they had been doing it since she had known them, but still you would think that after everything she had been through, they would cut her some slack. After all, they thought she had spent the summer in Hell. And if that were true, how did they expect her to deal? Apparently with a smile and a sunny disposition while repeatedly thanking them for saving her. Blurting out exactly what they had done was looking better and better. Maybe she should yell at them and let them know that they weren’t so damn perfect, and to stay the hell out of her personal life. God knows they didn’t exactly have a perfect track record with theirs.

Xander and Giles voices rose as she got her emotions under control and sat down on the stairs, still staying hidden and listened.

“I can’t believe she would be stupid enough to get herself drunk with Spike. Are you sure he didn’t do anything to her?” Xander asked.

“I’m not sure. I didn’t see any marks on her or her clothes… well I didn’t see anything that could be used as proof that he had done something, that is.”

“Guys, why don’t we wait for Buffy to wake up and for her to ex..explain what happened instead of jumping to conclusions,” Tara said.

Xander ignored Tara, responding to Giles instead. “That doesn’t mean anything, Giles. Spike could have dressed her up real nice before he brought her home. Wait, you don’t think that he drugged her?”

“I’m not sure.”

Bile rose in her stomach, heat flooding her cheeks as Xander and Giles discussed their theories of what had occurred between her and Spike the night before. The anger and resentment she pushed to the back of her mind reared its ugly head, and exploded at the notion that they could even think such a thing about her or Spike. They didn’t even consider the fact that he could be helping her, just like he helped them all summer. No, at the first opportunity they were ready to think the absolute worst of him. Irritated as fuck, she stood, not willing to stand by and listen to this insane discussion anymore.

Rushing down the stairs two at a time with her slayer speed, she entered into the living room lightning quick and found the entire gang there, with the exception of Dawn. Willow and Tara were sitting side by side on the couch in quiet conversation, as Anya sat in the armchair staring at Xander as he spoke to Giles by the fireplace.

“I think we have every right to be worried, Giles. Spike’s done something.”

“I…”

“What the fuck do you think Spike has done, Xander?” Buffy stared at her shocked friend with her jaw clenched and her eyebrow raised in perfect imitation of the man in question.

Xander stuttered, unable to respond, until Giles helped the clearly flustered Scoobie out.

“Buffy, you’re up. How are you feeling? We were all concerned about you,” Giles said, clearly trying to defuse the situation.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” she huffed, her hands on her hips.

Giles frowned. “You have to understand, Buffy..”

“No, you don’t understand! You have no idea what happened last night.” They all looked taken aback, clearly surprised that she had overheard their conversation. “No, instead you’re doing what you all do best. Jumping to conclusions and judging me when I do something you don’t like.”

“That’s not true, Buffy,” Giles said.

“It’s not, huh? Well why is everyone at my house right now when I’m sure they have better things to do? God, I can’t believe this shit.”

“Buffy just calm down, we only want to help,” Xander said with sad eyes. “Giles told us about last night and we are worried about what might have happened.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, not at all surprised. It seemed funny to her how they could say they were concerned about her, but never taking the time to try and support her. No, what they wanted was the Slayer back and for Buffy the girl to get on with her life, living as she always had. That’s what they really brought her back for, right? To keep her fighting while under their control by making her feel guilty about anything they didn’t see as appropriate. Well, too bad for them.

“Then talk to me about it. Don’t stage an intervention and gang up on me. Besides it really isn’t any of your business what I was up to last night.”

“It is our business. You’re our friend and we’re trying to protect you.. especially from the living dead,” Xander said mumbling the last part.

“Xander’s right, Buffy. We..,” Willow said.

“I don’t need anyone to protect me. Do you even hear yourselves?”

“I think you might after seeing how you behaved with Spike last night. Do you even remember what occurred?” Giles said.

Buffy laughed, almost sounding hysterical. Seeing as Spike had helped her figure out who had been behind the attacks and had actually helped her get a good night’s sleep, she would say he won a metal for most improved player, and the Scoobies had been downgraded to the warm up team. Well, if this had been a sporting event.

“Yes, I know exactly what happened last night, not that it’s any of your business.” She paused for a minute her voice shaking with rage. “I hung out with Spike and had a few drinks then he brought me home after I got sick. No big deal.”

“Giles said you were passed out, Buffy. How do you know he didn’t do anything?” Willow asked with a sincere look on her face.

“I..”

“That’s because she doesn’t know,” Xander said with a huff. “He could have done any number of things to you while you were out, or have you forgotten his creepy obsession with you.”

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” Buffy rolled her eyes, tired of being reminded for the millionth time about the weirdness with Spike the spring before. If she didn’t know better, she would think that Xander was jealous of her relationship with the vampire in question.

Wait a minute. Did she just call what was happening with Spike a relationship? Now was so not the time to even dwell on that thought.

Xander’s brows rose. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you do obsess about her an awful lot,” Anya said as Xander frowned at her. “Don’t give me that look, Xander. You know if given the choice between Buffy and just about anything else, you are going to choose Buffy.”

“I’m just looking out for my friend, Ahn. You know that,” Xander said with a childish pout.

Anya shrugged her mouth tight as she looked away from him.

Giles cleared his throat, as he pulled his glasses off polishing them vigorously. “I think we are getting off subject. Xander’s feelings are not relevant. Your behavior is.”

“What? I go out one time to relax and now you jump on me like I’m a damn teenager. This so isn’t fair.”

“Well when you act like one, you should be treated as such.”

“That’s rich! I sacrificed my life for my calling, for the world and this is how you all treat me. God, you would think that after everything, I would have earned the right to have some fun. But I guess that’s asking for too much, isn’t it?”

“You’re being reckless. Hanging out with a soulless vampire drunk isn’t what I would consider being a responsible Slayer, be it having fun or not,” Giles said, sternly.

Buffy shook her head. It was the same thing over and over again. Anytime Spike was brought into the conversation, it had to be mentioned that he was soulless. Like she didn’t know that already! And what did that have to do with anything at this point? It was no problem to ask for his help in a bind but it was the end of the world if she hung out with him.

Why did they keep doing this? He was the closest thing she had to a friend right now, and they were trying their fucking best to take him away from her. It was bad enough to take away heaven, but to take away the only thing that was keeping her from falling apart was another.

“I don’t give a shit if he’s soulless.” Xander’s eyes bugged and Giles coughed, as the rest of them stared back at her. “It’s my right to decide how I spend my time and with who. I’d like to see how you would react if I did the same thing to you.”

“Bufff… Buffy has a point. It should be her choice who she’s friends with. Besides, I think Spike deserves a little credit for what he did while Buffy was gone,” Tara said meekly.

Buffy gave Tara a smile. Tara smiled back then looked down, embarrassed from the attention.

“Please. I don’t think a few good deeds wipes out a century of bloodshed. He’s a killer, and that is all he will ever be,” Xander said with finality.

“I was a killer. Is that all I’m going to be?” Anya said with sadness in her eyes.

“Well you have a soul now. You’re nothing like him.”

“You put so much emphasis on souls. But some of the worst people in the world have had souls,” Anya said, her voice quiet. “And being a demon for a thousand years, I got to see firsthand what souled people are capable of, and I’m not impressed.”

“Well we are talking about Spike, not about you.”

Buffy sighed, tired of going around in circles. “Do you hear yourself right now, Xander? At this point you’re arguing for the sake of arguing. You know Anya has valid point, and you’re doing what you guys always do and ignore it.”

“How can you defend him after he’s tried to kill you in the past?” Xander said hesitant, clearly uncomfortable with Buffy’s reaction.

“How can I defend him? Well, I don’t know, kinda like how I forgave you after you tried to rape me. Or have you forgotten about that little situation with the hyenas? We are the Scoobies. We are all about redemption. Oz hurt people and we forgave him. Anya was a vengeance demon and we forgave her. Hell, Giles drugged me for the Cruciatium and I forgave him. Why can’t you forgive Spike?”

Willow, Xander and Giles stared at her looking upset, but Anya and Tara looked at her thoughtfully, staying silent.

She was sick of this shit and she was getting nowhere with all of this arguing. They couldn’t even bother listening to her so why should she do the same for them.

“You know what. I’ve had enough. You think whatever the hell you want.” Buffy turned and walked out of the room, and grabbed her keys and a small pouch she kept her ID and money in.

Giles walked toward her. “Where are going Buffy?”

“I’m going to get a damn drink!”

After ripping the door open and slamming it shut, she let out a deep breath, and leaned against the door, trying her best to calm down. Her hands were shaking and tears filled her eyes as she started moving down her porch steps and headed down her street with no direction in mind. What she really wanted was to hit something and take out all her frustration until she was a heaping pile of nothing. But it was bright outside and patrol was hours away so she would have to make do with walking for now.

Maybe if she walked far enough, her emotions would dull with each step and finally rid her of the anger, hurt and betrayal that seemed to pound into her like rip current, pulling her back into a fresh wave of pain. This whole situation sucked. Here she was running away from the people that she trusted the most, leaving them in her house of all places. If anything, they should be the ones disinvited until she was ready to talk to them.

If she were anything like her former self, she would be running back right now, begging for their forgiveness and swearing she would do better. But she couldn’t make herself feel bad about how she behaved. They deserved everything she had said and more. And the nerve of Xander spouting off his prejudice and thinking that she would agree with him. It was time for him to learn a hard lesson, one that she should have taught him a long time ago.

Things were different now.

She wasn’t the same girl and probably never would be again. Dying changed everything. Maybe now it was time to start figuring out who she was and what she really wanted. She had played by everyone else’s rules for so long, she lost herself to their demands and it had slowly eaten her up. But not anymore, no it was time for her to run the show her way and for everyone else to fall in line. Not the other way around.

Different parts of the argument kept popping into her head as she continued walking, leaving her neighborhood behind and headed toward downtown. Giles calling her irresponsible had gotten under her skin. Was there anyone else in the world that had as much responsibility as she did? Not only had she sacrificed a normal life, but she gave up her life willingly to protect the world. Hell, it hadn’t even been three days after her return that she started up her nightly patrols. Her heart hadn’t been into it, but still she done it.

If she was so irresponsible, then why had her and Spike’s poker game given them the information she needed to find out about Warren and his gang of nerds? It may not have been the Scoobie’s conventional approach with research and hunting down the baddie, but it worked. They didn’t know any of that and she didn’t feel like sharing anything with them right now. It’s not like they would listen to her anyways.

Buffy growled and clenched her fists, her fingernails digging into her palms as her frustration grew. It pissed her off to no end that Giles could stand there and treat her like a child. She didn’t deserve their shitty treatment, she deserved their damn respect. After all, she fucking earned it. If they wanted to test her and push her, well she was going to push back and show them. If they thought she was irresponsible now, then wait until…

Buffy laughed at the idea. She couldn’t wait to see their faces, but first she needed to find the right place to put this plan into action.

She hit main drag of town, weaving around slow walking pedestrians until she reached her destination and pushed open the pink door. The smell of shampoo and hair dye assaulted her lungs as she walked up to the receptionist who seemed more interested in filing her nails than looking up at her new customer.

Buffy cleared her throat.

The woman lifted her head, and gave her a polite smile. “Can I help you ma’am?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, I think you can. I’m ready for a change.”

~*~*~*~*~

“There is no way the Enterprise is better,” said Andrew rolling his eyes. “The TARDIS is powered by a dying sun.”

“A dying sun has got nothing on a warp reactor powered by anti-matter. The TARDIS doesn’t even have any guns on it,” said Jonathan as he emptied several herbs into a small urn, careful not to spill any onto the purple cloth that covered the floor.

“Yeah, but the TARDIS can travel back in time to before the guns were even on the Enterprise, and keep it from happening,” Andrew replied.

“Bigger on the inside, TARDIS for the win,” said Warren, growing impatient. “Now let’s get back on track. Are you ready to blow on that magic flute?”

Warren and Andrew look at each other and laughed as they pointed to the small wooden flute. Jonathan sighed, his shoulders slumping as he averted his eyes away from the two. They seemed more than chummy today, ganging up on him when the opportunity presented itself, whispering and laughing but not letting him in on the secret. Once again, he felt like an outsider.

“Come on. That’s not funny, guys. I didn’t decide this was the key to summoning the Ender. You know it doesn’t work like that.”

“Oh it’s okay. It’s not phallic looking at all,” Warren snickered.

Andrew looked at the flute with interest. “Now that’s a bulbous tip.”

Jonathan groaned, his face turning red with embarrassment. “Okay for real guys, cut it out. It’s very important to use the proper grip and blow into this just right.”

“Yeah, I bet it is,” Warren said.

Jonathan rolled his eyes and blew into the flute, practicing the simple three note melody a few times then motioned to the others to take a seat on the edge of the purple cloth. Andrew lit a wooden stick and lowered it into the urn until smoke billowed out in steady streams, then extinguished the flame. Once everything was set, Jonathan looked over to the guys and nodded.

The simple three note melody filled the air and all three recited the Sumerian summoning spell.

“Suqammumu taru dalkhu alka ti
Suqammumu taru dalkhu alka ti
Saqammumu taru dalku alka ti”

“Elu Ender
Elu Ender”

{Roughly: Silence makes the demon come alive. Rise Ender.}

Jonathan played the melody again, and all three stood waiting.

In the center of the circle, the smoke rippled. Screams and hissing echoed through the room as the empty space cracked, a rift formed slowly spreading from the ceiling to the floor. Several gray tentacles slipped through the crack, grabbing the edges and tore it wide open with aggressive force, the fervent body stepping through. Quiet enveloped the room.

Jonathan gasped and quickly stepped behind Warren with Andrew following behind. Still, Warren stared at the huge snarling demon frozen in fear. Tentacles flowed down the demon’s head like hair, intermingling with longer thinly shaped tentacles protruding around its razor sharp mouth. Small red slits sat above, its glow reflecting off the metal armor encasing it large shoulders as it vibrated with energy.

Warren’s mind reeled, second guessing his plan to bargain with the demon, knowing it was a huge risk to trust the demon with his offer. Unlike the other two, he knew exactly what the price was for summoning an Ender demon, carefully avoiding any mention of payment or what the demon’s true power was to the others. He knew if they had known everything, they would have never agreed to this.

As different scenarios swirled in his mind, Warren’s thoughts were interrupted by a looming presence clawing to the front.

A gravel filled voice echoed in his mind. “Why do you waste my time, human? I should crush your throat just for summoning a demon as powerful as I.”

Immediately, Warren bowed and responded with his thoughts, not wanting to accidently offend the demon by speaking out loud. “We humbly request a deal with the great Ender.”

“A deal?” The demon laughed. “Then you must know a price must be paid for such a request?”

“I do.”

“Then your request?”

“We want to you to kill the Slayer, consuming her soul.”

“And I thought this wouldn’t be worth my time.” The demon laughed again, this time in a more menacing tone. “Aren’t humans full of surprises?” He paused. “This is no ordinary request and the price will be high. What are you willing to pay?”

Warren looked back at Andrew and Jonathan, both looking scared and confused. He gave them a reassuring nod and turned back to the demon.

“I offer you the soul of my brown haired companion.”

The demon remained silent, causing Warren to shift on his feet from nerves as he tried to keep eye contact even though he knew the demon could read his emotions. He knew it was a risk offering one of the others instead of himself but he hoped the demon was ruthless enough to take the deal especially since it involved the Slayer.

“I sense betrayal. Oh, it makes the soul taste so much sweeter! But this is no ordinary request, now is it?” The demon paused. “No, I want the souls of both of your associates, in addition to the soul of the Slayer. Do we have a deal?”

Without hesitation, Warren replied, “Yes.”

As soon as the response was formed in his mind, the demon’s facial tentacles elongated, shooting out like whips and wrapped around Andrew and Jonathan’s necks, pulling them in front of the demon. Their hands instinctually grasped the tentacles, trying to pull loose as they struggled to keep their airways open. But it was no use the demon’s grip was too tight. They glanced back to their friend, pleading for him to help them, until they realized his betrayal. Cowered by fear, they struggled to pull free, knowing it was the only way to save themselves. But it was not to be.

It all happened so quickly. The demon howled as the air shifted, pulling Andrew’s face to his sharp mouth, its other tentacles latching onto his mouth and opened it wide. A shimmering yellow light flowed out of Andrew into the demons mouth, devouring the light until there was no more. Relaxing its tentacles, the demon released Andrew’s limp body, hitting the concrete floor hard.

Jonathan openly wept as he saw his friend fall to the floor, all hope of escape lost knowing there was no way for him to break loose. He managed to look at his betrayer, and squeaked out, “You will pay.” Then he was pulled forward and the howling started again, and the same bright yellow light was devoured.

Horrified and intrigued at the same time, Warren looked at the discarded bodies and tried to fight the gut feeling he needed to run. He took a step back toward the basement door but it was too late. Unable to react in time, a tentacle wrapped around his neck and pulled him to the demon’s snarling face. His insides twisted, burning as if someone had lit a match within him until it all pushed to the surface and the demon began to howl and everything went dark.

~*~*~*~*


Spike spent the better part of the afternoon lying on his bed trying to put into words how he felt about the night before, all thoughts of his golden siren weaving around his mind reminding him of the uphill battle he had ahead of him. Crumpling up a sheet of paper, he threw it in a pile that had grown considerably in the last hour as he tried to pick the exact words to describe how he felt. If only he didn’t feel like such a ponce, reverting back to how William would have once expressed himself and laid himself bare for the one that held his heart.

‘God, this can’t be a good idea. She’ll take one look at this and throw it back in my face. ‘Sides she’s a modern girl. Maybe a song would let her know and not make me look quite so pathetic.’ He got off of his bed and walked over to his collection of music, pulling out a few cds scanning the song titles trying to find the perfect song. He laughed to himself as he came across “Possum Kingdom” by the Toadies, knowing it was actually the perfect song but she would completely take it the wrong way. He had no intention of turning her and taking away her light, only wanting to convey he would love her forever no matter how much time he spent in this world. He was sure he would love her even if he was dust.

He tossed an empty case out of the way looking for a few discs he had swiped out of an unlocked car a few months back. Stupid git had been dumb enough to leave his mobile, wallet and music just lying in the passenger seat. It taken little effort to swipe it all, and keep himself hidden from prying eyes before the owner had any idea. Lucky for him, there had been enough cash to keep him in cigarettes and liquor for a few weeks. At least the previous owner seemed to have eclectic taste with sounds from Frank Sinatra, the Cure, the Pixies and a few other modern bands he wasn’t quite familiar with yet.

Deciding on the Cure disc, he put it in a small portable cd player that sat next to his bed, and turned it to a track that had caught his attention as he read the back of the disc’s case. A familiar beat filled the room and Spike immediately recognized the song even though he had not been aware of the song title.

“When I’m alone with you
You make feel like I’m home again
When I’m alone with you
You make me feel whole again”

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again”

“However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you”

If he still had a pulse, his cheeks would be bright red and his heart hammering. God, he really was a nancy boy thinking this was the way to get the girl! This wasn’t Say Anything with him standing outside of Buffy’s window holding up a boom box trying to serenade the girl into giving him a chance. He was William the Bloody, one-fourth of the Scourge of Europe, big bad himself. He didn’t need some fairy boy tune to get the girl.

He ripped out the cd and flung it across the room, and grabbed his Sex Pistols disc setting the player to his favorite track, and turned the volume up high. He sang along to “Pretty Vacant” as he stripped out of his clothes, and stepped into the cold water pouring from his makeshift shower.

After taking his time getting dressed for the night, Spike’s patience was wearing thin as he paced his crypt floor waiting for the last of the sun’s deadly rays to fall past the horizon and finally allow him the freedom to seek out Buffy. Earlier he almost left and headed out through the sewers with a blanket in hand toward her house, but decided against it since he knew he wouldn’t be welcomed. Especially after that irritating conversation with the Watcher, he knew the Scoobies were probably sharpening the stakes right now, giddy as hell at the promise of him being dust in the wind. Right, he would have to catch up with the Slayer when she was alone.

Now if the bloody sun would finally bugger off, he could rid this nagging feeling he needed to explain himself to her. Certainly her friends and Watcher had planted the seeds of doubt in her mind that he was not to be trusted, and ruin everything he tried so hard to build in the last couple of weeks. The only way to handle it now was to tread lightly when he found her, and reassure her of his intentions. And if she didn’t believe him, well he would just have to show her, wouldn’t he?

Tingling on the back of his neck alerted him of the sun’s decent as he left his crypt in a hurry and headed to Buffy’s house, hoping to find her or the Nibblet alone. Since the night was young, he didn’t run across any baddies along the way, only passing a few happy meals he wasn’t able to sample. Once he was in sight of her house, he caught faint traces of her scent lingering at the street’s intersection. He took a deep breath and inhaled her wonderful scent, and turned in the other direction following it toward town.

It didn’t take long to find her, since the trail was pretty recent and he had honed his ability to track her throughout the years. All lead to the Bronze. He entered the already crowded building, keeping to the shadows not wanting her to notice him until he was ready. He wanted to gauge her mood before he decided to approach her, wanting to avoid a physical confrontation if at all possible. He was bloody sick of being punched in the nose and being her whipping boy like he became before.

Spike prowled around the edge of the room, his vampire senses picking her up immediately, tracking her to the center of the dance floor. His breath caught as he glimpsed his golden siren swaying to the music. Pink streaked hair flowed around her in waves as she shimmed her black leather clad hips to the beat and raised her hands above her head, the tops of her breasts peaking out of her white fitted tank top. He was immediately hard, desire coursing through his veins as he continued to watch while his late night fantasy flooded his brain. If the heat he was feeling was real, he would have combusted right then and there.

God, she was gorgeous. Always had been but seeing her like this, well he didn’t know what he was happier about, her obvious fuck you to her wholesome image or the fact he was more than likely responsible for her rebellion. It was about time he saw her living, and doing it on her own terms, not giving a shit what anyone thought. Now if he could get that sensual body to give in to the inevitable, the spark he knew they had, nothing could stop them.

But it appeared a group of boys on the dance floor had other plans for his girl, circling her in and drawing her away from his perfect view. His jaw clenched, further pronouncing his cheekbones as he contemplated ripping them limb from limb. But that wasn’t on the table so he walked toward her with his normal swagger, letting everyone around him know just how much of a big bad he still was. This was his girl, and he was about to educate the men of Sunnydale that she was off limits.

A guy in a blue polo shirt and 1940s soldier boy hair pulled Buffy to him, dancing close holding her tight to his body as he hands casually gripped her hips. Buffy seemed to be going with the flow, not caring who it was that she was dancing with and enjoying her moment of freedom. Spike paused a few feet back from the dance floor, for once thinking about his actions and how Buffy might react to him. He couldn’t go in all guns a blazing, knowing exactly how she would respond to the caveman reaction he usually had around her. No, he needed to keep his cool for once and be smooth; keeping her on her toes, second guessing who this was she was dealing with.

Moving with his usual grace, he approached her as she rocked her hips against the wanker leaning into him as he brushed his hands further down. She smiled back at him, continuing the jig until she felt his demanding presence at her back. His hands grabbed her waist and pulled her back against his strong chest, dominating her attention until she finally turned. Buffy gasped once she realized who it was that pulled her out of her hypnotic state. Spike smirked at her with his signature arrogance, his eyes roaming over her body as he dismissed the ponce and claimed what was his.

He lowered his mouth to her ear, his cool breath tickling her skin, causing her body to shiver as he murmured, “Hello, luv. Miss me?”

Chapter 5

Her surprise quickly evaporated, changing back to her normal expression of annoyance even though deep down she was pleased to see him. It had been a shitty day, and right now she was more than willing to let him take it all away. Not that she would ever tell him that.

Spike moved seamlessly to the music not missing a beat, while his hands roamed down to her hips and slipped slightly under the edge of her shirt. He caressed her bare skin, rubbing slow circles with his fingertips sending tiny electric shocks down her body.

Buffy shuddered and inched closer to his chest, mesmerized by the light strokes of his cool fingers sending her gaze deeper into his haunted blue eyes. She was lost to the sensation of just being; nothing mattered but the beat as she moved her body in sync with his. It felt natural and right.

And it scared the hell out of her.

“What are you doing here, Spike?” Her voice sounded more like a hiss than the casual tone she meant for him.

Spike’s eyebrow rose. “What does it look like, luv? I’m danc….”

“Hey man, I saw her first.” The preppy guy Buffy danced with earlier looked irritated as he reached for Buffy’s arm to pull her away. But Spike pulled her closer to his side, out of his reach.

Buffy rolled her eyes, not in the mood for a pissing contest so she tried to pull away and handle the situation before things got heated, but Spike held her in place. Not wanting to cause a scene, and for once more than happy to let someone handle the situation, she let Spike deal with it. If it came to blows, she could always jump in, but right now she would just sit back and watch.

“Piss off wanker. Go find yourself another, this one’s mine.”

“I think the girl can speak for herself,” he said pointing his gaze at Buffy.

Before she could speak, Spike took a step closer to the guy while holding her close to his side. The air charged, her vampire senses heightened as the hairs on the back of her neck stood while she watched Spike change into gameface.

His entire body tightened, a low rumble emitting from his chest as he stared down the guy, daring him to say anything else. Before anyone else could notice his change, his human features fell back into place, giving the now sputtering guy a sinister grin.

Playing the part, Buffy rolled her eyes and gave Spike a disapproving look. Inward, she laughed at the guy’s response as he rushed away, disappearing into the crowd. It only proved to her that she wasn’t normal, and no guy could ever be okay with what she was. She was destined to be alone, and the reminder sat heavy.

Spike laughed as he turned his attention back to her, grabbing her waist to continue their dance like nothing had happened.

“Really Spike? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

Spike smirked, clearly happy with himself and his display of dominance.

Buffy tried to push away, but he pulled her tighter against him holding her hand close to his chest. She tried to yank it away but not at full strength, willing him to tightened his grip. Frustrated with herself, she growled at him and he laughed.

“Nice try, pet. But I’m not giving up that easily.” He smiled at her and leaned forward. “By the way, love the look.”

Her body flushed with pleasure, as she tried not to show any approval in his comment. Instead, she kept up her indifference knowing good and well he would appreciate her rebellious behavior. She couldn’t understand why but something held her back from showing him any kind of response.

Deep down she was excited with her spontaneity, her first small baby step in claiming something for herself. There was so little she was able to control in her life, and this felt like the one thing she could do anything she wanted, one area she could dictate. So she had said fuck it, and did something she secretly always wanted.

“It was something to do,” she said looking around the club, trying to avoid his eyes.

“Black leather and pink streaked hair,” he said awe bleeding through his eyes as ran his fingers through her hair.

The contact captivated her as she looked up and everything disappeared but him. His eyes shone with adoration and love, and then it was gone.

“Are you trying to torture me?” He questioned her.

Everything about that moment felt real. But goddamn it, this was Spike! There was no way she could feel this way about how he looked at her, touched her.

Shame filled her. Her eyes lowered, anxiety pulling her deep inside as desperation poured through.

“I didn’t do it for you.” Her voice was shrill.

“Whatever you say, pet.”

Buffy ignored his comment and continued to sway to the music even though she knew she should push him away. But for once she felt content without the influence of alcohol, and she couldn’t pull herself away.

Last night was the first time since her return that she felt anything. It was all a whirlwind of emotions and even a small dose of fun. It was her first deep breath. Before, she was sputtering water trying to catch her breath when finally she got that first deep inhale before another wave pulled her back under. It almost held hope. But it all washed away that morning when the reality of everything moved her to the truth.

If not for that moment, she would have never stood up to her friends and left. Certainly her former self would have caved, but something in her couldn’t bring herself to subject herself to their will. Ultimately, it gave her the resolve to make the bold move at the salon. Even though she almost chickened out and left.

Right after the hairdresser left her in the chair to mix her color, she panicked. Her gut tightened as she looked into the mirror in front of her. Her eyes were lifeless. She could see it. Spike could see it. Maybe even Dawn. But no one else did.

They were oblivious.

It hurt to think about their happy stares. Even more difficult to think about the leadership they were pushing her to restore within their group. Right now they were scattered, all living their own lives. She felt like an outsider looking into a life she once had, but couldn’t remember living. It all felt like a memory, the only thing that felt real was now.

Spike moved his hips into her, as she allowed him to maneuver her body to the beat. It took away her thoughts, nothing else mattering except for the way their bodies moved. So in sync with each other, moving in a way that only two could know after the passage of time. Their history, even though jaded at best, made her feel the slightest tingle of recognition.

The feeling made her smile at him.

“You’re a good dancer.”

“And you’re surprised how?” Spike laughed softly to himself. “Let’s just say I was trained to be this way baby.”

“And a whole world of huh?” Buffy replied, confusion written all over her face.

Spike laughed even harder. “Another story for another time, luv.”

The song ended, and Buffy started to pull away, but Spike held her hand tight.

“What’s the rush, pet?” He bowed in a gentlemanly manor. “May I have this next dance?”

Buffy stood still, absolutely caught off guard by this change in him, and at the same time enthralled.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m asking a lady to dance. What do say, Slayer?”

“Well..” She let out a deep breath. “I guess a little more dancing couldn’t hurt. Then it’s patrol time. Can’t let them think they’re right.”

Spike stepped forward, and pulled Buffy to him as a slow song started.

“What do you mean?”

She shuddered at the thought of her argument with Giles and her friends. The hurt was still raw, like ripping off a band aid and unleashing a pain she never wanted to feel again.

“Giles and his you’re irresponsible lecture from earlier.”

Spike raised his eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

“You know the typical Scoobie intervention to let me know they don’t approve of my behavior. Apparently my getting drunk with you was way out of line, and now I’m an irresponsible Slayer.” Her throat burned as she tried swallowing, the words hurting to say as much as it did to hear them.

How could they think this of her? Was she really that bad? She felt so confused. Everything was so hard and it was too much.

“Bollocks. Did you tell them how we figured out who was behind the attacks?”

The reminder of their progress last night got her thinking. “No, they didn’t give me a chance. So after the venom they spewed at me, I wasn’t really willing to fill them in, ya know?”

Spike turned his head away from her clenching his jaw. He took an unneeded breathe and looked back at her.

“Fuck it,” he said, surprise lining her features. “Fuck them and their white horses they rode in on. They haven’t got a clue, luv.” He lifted his hand to her cheek, looking her directly in the eyes. “They haven’t an inkling of what you’ve been through. No idea even before…” He paused. “The choices you have to make… There is no way they could understand… And so what if they can’t. You’re strong, Buffy. More so than you even you realize.”

“I don’t feel strong.” Her voice was soft, eyes downcast.

Spike lifted her chin, his gaze full of emotion. “You are, Buffy. I believe in you.”

Her eyes filled with tears, heat flooding her cheeks as his statement sank in. It was the nicest thing he had ever said to her, and she had no idea how to take it.

“Listen to me,” he said, voice low and rough. “I know you don’t see it right now, but you can do this. You’re not alone. You have the Bit, and well… you have me. I know I’m not your ideal choice, but I’m here, and I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”

Buffy stared at Spike. She wanted to believe him and know she really had him, that she could count on him but in the back of her mind she still wondered if she could trust him. She just couldn’t be sure.

Was it all an act? Had he really changed as much as it seemed he had? She was just so confused and didn’t know what to think about anything anymore. The shades of gray were just too much for her to process right now.

“But I don’t trust you.” Her voice was so low that if Spike didn’t have supernatural hearing he would have missed it.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she immediately regretted them after seeing the pain in his eyes. His jaw clenched as he looked away from her, releasing his grip on her hips and took a step back.

Buffy reached for him, but he stepped further away. He looked at her. “Why do I even bother,” he said dejectedly.

“Spike,” she reached for him again but he stepped further away from her and shook his head.

“You’re wrong, Buffy.”

Then he was gone.

She felt the immediate loss of his presence, her body shaking as tears formed in her eyes and streamed down her face. Not caring how she appeared, she walked through the crowd to the closest exit and left her moment of freedom for the cool night.

Slowly she trudged down the empty alleyway, the smell of garbage permeating in the air as she unconsciously headed toward the closest cemetery. Guilt held her in its grip, deliberately repeating the whispered words as she saw the hurt on Spike’s face.

What was wrong with her? Why did she have to be such a bitch when all he was trying to do was help her? She should have just kept her big mouth shut and accepted his comfort for what it was. After all that’s what she wanted, right? Someone to tell her that everything would be okay, and be there for her and make it all go away.

But she should know better. Her life just didn’t work that way. She always known that at the end of the day she was alone, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. And god didn’t it hurt so badly. Her pain seemed as much physical as mental, her chest aching with a want that no words of comfort or support seemed to resonate. If only she could make it go away.

Rubbing her tear stained cheeks she took a few deep breaths and managed to get a grip on herself, pulling out a stake hidden in the back of her leather pants. She entered the deserted cemetery. The only sounds she heard were the crunch of her own footsteps as she honed her senses, waiting for that familiar twinge of demonic energy while she looked for fresh graves or the occasional hiding place perfect for a demon to hide.

It didn’t take too long before she encountered several fledglings that gave her a good workout. But it didn’t last and she quickly dusted them without her normal quips or playful banter. At one time the fight had taken the edge off and released her bent up frustration with her calling and life in general. But now it felt like a burden. Especially since her mindset was fighting against the residual feeling of completion she had in heaven. God, if she could just get that back.

Each step felt heavier as she continued her patrol sweeping the rest of the cemetery. Finally she moved on to another a few miles away even though nothing big seemed to be going on. It looked like most of the baddies were tucked away for the night, giving her too much time alone with her thoughts.

After roaming the rows of graves, she spotted a vampire in bellbottom jeans, peasant blouse and braided blond hair singing a Bob Dylan song. Buffy rolled her eyes and wondered why some vampires remained stuck in the decade they were turned. ‘At least, she wasn’t stuck in the 80s with big poofy bangs,’ Buffy thought as she quietly dropped back behind a large oak tree and waited to make herself known. But in the end, her discretion wasn’t needed. The vampire dusted without much of a fight and she continued on toward the north end of the cemetery where it housed elaborately designed mausoleums that were the perfect hiding spot for the undead.

One by one she opened each crypt door, having no problem getting them open after kicking them in so many times throughout the years. She found nothing but cobwebs, dust and sarcophaguses. Everything seemed so quiet she decided to skip Restfield, or at least that was what she told herself, making this next crypt the end of the line for tonight.

The large metal door squeaked open, the moonlight shining into the dark cavern as she took a step forward when something slammed into the back of her head. Buffy fell hard on her right arm, instinctively rolling away from the door and stood to face her attacker. Her vision was still spinning as a gray tentacle whipped out and reached for her neck. She jumped back and took a defensive stance while her shoulder throbbed with each movement. Ignoring her body, she circled the large unfamiliar demon as it stalked toward her, its tentacles protruded from it chin twitching, extending closer to her. If only she had a sword instead of the stake, those tentacles would be gone before it took another step.

Instead she jumped onto the sarcophagus in the middle of the room, barely missing the whip like tentacles as she tried to think of a way to get close enough to the demon and get a few good hits in. After countering another attack to her neck, she used her momentum to jump over the demon and faced its back landing several blows to the back of its head. But the hits seemed to do nothing, the demon turning much faster than she expected and swept her feet out from under her.

She landed hard, but didn’t let the temporary shock or pain coming from shoulder keep her down. Immediately she moved to a defensive position but the demon had other plans. Its tentacles elongated and snapped out in four different directions at once, leaving Buffy no choice except to retreat. But she wasn’t fast enough. One of the tentacles wrapped around her wrist, its grip tight enough to cut her circulation off if it tightened any further. With her tied to the demon, its other tentacles maneuvered around her until it held both wrists and ankles, and splayed her out like Da Vinci’s humanist blueprint.

Desperate to find any give in the demon’s grip, she pulled and yanked but there wasn’t any leverage to put her full strength forward. She braced herself as the demon walked toward her snarling, saliva running down its mouth. In her mind she could hear the faint sounds of laughter, but bowed herself to defeat.

Deep down, she was glad. Certainly this might not be the way she wanted to go out, but still it was a means to an end and she could finally get back to that place of peace that she longed for. After this there would be no more pain or struggle. No more pretending and hiding. She could finally be truly free from it all, and she could no longer deny herself what she so desperately wanted.

The demon stood in front of her face, its smaller tentacles stretching as it latched onto her mouth forcing it wide. Her eyes shut. Her body submitted to the demons’ will waiting for it to be over.

Deep inside her a searing heat formed and moved up her chest and into her throat, flowing out of her mouth. Then there was nothing. The heat immediately evaporated, the demon’s tentacles twitching before they loosened and she fell to the ground. Her eyes fluttered open to the sight of Spike standing before her with the demon’s decapitated head in his hands.

Buffy huddled into herself on the cold concrete floor as she stared in shock at Spike as he threw the demon’s head across the room. It exploded like a watermelon.

“What the fuck was that, Slayer?”

Buffy stared at the mangled mess on the wall, oblivious to any sounds or movement around her. Her mind was running on overdrive as she tried to process everything. It all happened too fast. One minute she was on a quiet patrol, the next she was in over her head ready to give it all up.

Her body shook everything too much to handle. She couldn’t do this. Not right now, especially with him staring at her. She couldn’t face him.

Spike growled at her. “Answer me.”

“Leave me alone, Spike.” Buffy’s voice was barely a whisper as tears formed in her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away.

Spike let out an unneeded breath and walked slowly toward her. He crouched down in front of her. “No, I can’t leave you be. Had I left you alone, you’d be dead right now.” His voice was low, full of emotion. He turned his head and looked away from her. “Buffy, you almost destroyed your soul.”

His bold statement caught her off guard, as an immediate denial formed in her head.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Spike turned his attention back to her. “Oh, I don’t know. That was an Ender demon, luv. They consume souls. Thought you could just punch your ticket and make it back to heaven? You thought wrong. You wouldn’t exist on any plane after the Ender was done with you.”

Her breath caught as a deep seated fear crept forward as she wiped away the last of her tears.

He had to be lying about the Ender, if that was what it was even called. He was just making stuff up to scare her. That had to be it. He wanted her to feel guilty about finding her in that hopeless state. But it really had been hopeless. The demon had her pinned; all of her attempts in vain. She only accepted the inevitable, conceded herself for what was to come next. That was all that was, right?

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Buffy looked at him and saw for a brief second furry, before changing to a look she had never seen before. Sadness.

It was too much. She looked away.

“Don’t try and play me. I saw it.” He grabbed her face with both hands, forcing her to look at him. “You forget I know that look. You wanted it as much as the demon did.”

Buffy pushed way, a flare of anger bursting inside. Deep down she knew his words rung true. She did have a death wish. And in that moment, she wanted it more than anything else she could ever remember wanting. But she knew it was even worse than that. She hated herself. Everything she was. For some reason, everything felt wrong, like she didn’t belong to anything anymore.

“Screw you! Who do you think you are to judge me?” Buffy glared. “William the Bloody, ring any bells?”

“Who am I? I guess I’m nothing but a demon to you. No need to consider I’ve been there for you when you’ve needed me this last year. I would have gone to Hell for you.” He turned, staring at her with a touch of something she wasn’t willing to see. “You were a warrior. Even when we first fought, I knew it. The one thing I’d been looking for my entire existence. The one, my equal. What happened, Buffy? Where did that girl go?”

Buffy gazed at him, shocked by his revelation, and even more scared. What he just admitted and the shame that she felt. She felt lower than low. She wasn’t even worthy of the title of Slayer anymore. She was just a shadow of what she once was.

“I’m not going to be your whipping boy anymore, Buffy. But I’m also not going to let you destroy yourself. I’m going to help you whether you like it or not.”

Chapter 6

Buffy glanced at him with a mixture of surprise and hesitation before her eyes filled with tears. Spike stood frozen, unsure of what to do.

He knew he was on thin ice. Deep down inside a fire was building, his demon screaming to release and destroy anything that threatened what was precious to him. But when the tears began to fall down her cheeks, his demon calmed and his heart broke.

Her stare was lifeless, unflinching as he slowly moved closer and took a seat next to her against the crypt wall. Everything in him wanted to pull her to him and hold her tight while he assured her everything would be okay, but it wasn’t his to promise. It would all be a lie. And she would know it.

His Slayer was broken. The trauma of losing heaven and the arrogance of her makeshift family moving on like nothing happened, pushed her to an edge she teetered since her return. The demon tonight was the final straw. She seized the opportunity to leave it all behind and jumped. But this time, he saved her.

It should fill him with relief, knowing she was safe and still alive, but he couldn’t shake this feeling of deep sorrow. Seeing the life pulled from her and the look of defeat on her face shredded him. It sat in the middle of his chest and rose into his throat, threatening to unleash tears of his own. In his mind it all came back to that stupid excuse of an argument. Had he pushed her toward the edge himself? Was his leaving her the final thread to snap, and bring her to the point that she was ready to give up her life? He felt pretentious to even consider it. He was nothing to her.

“I can’t deal with this,” Buffy said whispering.

Spike hesitated. He knew he had to be gentle. She was so fragile. One wrong move and he could ruin everything.

“You can, luv. I’m here with you.”

She sniffed and took a breath. “Everything’s just so hard. It’s too much.”

“I know. But it can get better, you just need time.”

Buffy laughed bitterly and shook her head. “No one is going to give me time, Spike. That’s not how this works.”

He knew exactly the uphill battle she was going up against defying her Watcher and the Scoobies. But what she didn’t realize was she actually held all the power. She was the One. The one girl chosen in the entire world gifted with supernatural powers. Without her, the others had nothing and they knew it. That’s why they had selfishly brought her back. They couldn’t cope without her.

“Fuck them, it’s your life. You live it how you bloody see fit not the other way around.”

Buffy shook her head, deep in denial but he wasn’t having it. She needed to hear this.

“They aren’t your keepers unless you allow it. Don’t you see? You hold all the power, always have.” She stared at him in disbelief, and he knew he struck a nerve. “It’s time to take it back. It’s time for you to live.”

“But it’s not that easy.”

“Yes, it is luv. I’ve got you and I know Dawn does too. We can get you through this. If the rest of them can’t deal, then sod ‘em. They know where the bloody door is.”

Tears formed in her eyes again. She took a deep breath, and wiped her face giving him a weak smile. “God, this is so hard. I know if I do just that I will lose all of them. I don’t think I could handle it.”

He knew deep down this was her greatest strength but also her greatest weakness. The relationship she had with her friends and Watcher made her different from other Slayers. They were her support team. But they were also a liability.

“I don’t think they will. But yeah, it will be hard at first. No doubt they are going to fight you on this. But if you stand your ground, they won’t have a choice but to fall in line. And if they don’t, you will still have Dawn and me. You won’t be alone, Buffy.”

Tears rolled down her face and she gasped. Spike knew she was trying to get a hold on her pain, but she couldn’t any longer and let it out. Openly, she wept and he looked down at her with sympathy, something he couldn’t remember feeling in a century. But it was there and he was hurting with her.

He reached out and pulled her into his arms, holding her close to his chest and stroked her hair. The barriers were gone, and the mask of indifference fell away as she sobbed. He hated she was going through this but he knew it was important for her to deal with the reality of her life. She needed to let the pain, anger and despair out. If she kept it bottled up like she had, tonight would happen all over again. And there was no way he would allow that to happen.

They sat there for what felt like hours until the tears dried up and her body shook ravaged by anxiety. He rubbed back until she was able to relax. She wiped her face.

“God, I must look like a mess.” She sniffed and looked up at him. “Why do you stay, Spike. My mess isn’t your problem.”

“You know why, luv,” he said brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to. My place is here with you and the Bit.”

‘You’re my family’, he wanted to say it but held back.

“But the way we’ve treated you. The things I’ve said to you. After everything, you kept your promise. You should be running for the hills.”

Spike shook his head. “That may be true, but you’ve left off all the wrong I’ve done to you. You seem to forget about a time when I wanted to kill you. We’ve both made mistakes where the both of us are concerned.”

“You’re right.”

“And just so you know, there is no way you couldn’t be anything less than beautiful to me. Tears and all.”

She smiled up, and looked away. She almost seemed embarrassed by his statement, but he meant it. Every time he looked at her, she glowed. There was no one else.

“God, I don’t want to go home.”

“I know, luv.” He stroked her head, trying to keep her calm. She had every right to be wary of what awaited at home.

“After everything tonight, I can’t face them. I don’t have any fight left in me.”

“Then we’ll sneak you in. You’ve had plenty of practice crawling through your bedroom window.” Spike cocked his brow, and gave her a sinister grin.

She laughed then nodded.

“Okay. Walk me home Spike?” Her eyes were wide, desperate for his reassurance.

“Try and stop me.”

They walked in silence side by side the whole way to her house. He appeared to be casual but was anything but. He was worried.

Once she was left alone in her room, what would she do? A flood of various scenarios flashed in his mind. If only he knew she was exhausted enough to pass out. That would put his mind at ease. But he knew better. There was no way she would be getting any sleep, and there was no telling what could happen tonight after he left her alone.

Everything in him wanted to stay with her and hold her through the night, but he knew he couldn’t stay. If the others were to find out, he didn’t think she could handle their ridicule. Not in this moment. And didn’t it frustrate him that he couldn’t be what she needed, but damn it if he was going to leave her alone. Maybe Dawn could step in when he couldn’t be there. He knew she was just as worried about Buffy as he was, and she was strong enough to handle it. She wasn’t a little girl anymore, not since Buffy took that leap into the portal.

The Bit grew up so much this summer. With Tara at his side, they spent the most time caring for her, helping her get through the pain of losing her sister. She was so much stronger than any of the others would give her credit for. Smart little Bit. If anyone could help Buffy, it was Dawn.

The night of Buffy’s burial destroyed Spike. He couldn’t deal with it. He couldn’t live in a world that Buffy didn’t exist and in his weakness he planned to wait out the sun, and let it all end. But she was waiting for him.

Dawn sat against a tree with her legs crossed and a flashlight shining on a book she held in her hands, overlooking the spot that Buffy now resided. Tears were in her eyes as he approached and leaned against the tree. He fidgeted with the pocket of his duster and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

“I know what you’re doing,” she said casually, looking toward Buffy’s grave.

“Is that right?” He replied indifferent, even though he felt anything but okay.

“You want to dust.”

Shocked, he stood eerily still and waited. He didn’t know how to answer her.

“You came to say your last goodbye, and wait for the sunrise.”

Her nonchalant demeanor took him by surprise, and he didn’t know how to approach it. Was she teetering like he was? He didn’t know.

“Is that what you think this is?”

“It’s what I would do if I could.”

Spike took an unneeded breath, and tried to compose himself. He knew she understood. The emotions he had been fighting since he saw her lifeless body lying broken on the ground ripped him apart. As much as he wanted to be the tough, cocky persona he created, he couldn’t bring himself to pretend in front of her.

“I can’t go on without her.”

He didn’t know where he got the courage to speak the truth, but he couldn’t lie to her. She would call his bullshit. Right now they were in the same place.

“I know.

“It burns. To know that she’s gone… The world has no light. All that’s left is darkness.”

He lowered his head, unable to meet her eyes. He knew what she would see if he looked up, and he didn’t think he could bear it. There was nothing but guilt.

She sat silently still, staring at Buffy’s grave. He didn’t know what to do. Finally she broke the silence.

“You know, I used to wish that I didn’t have a sister. To be an only child, and not have to deal with all the crap that came with her being the Slayer.” She looked down, and pulled on the edge of her dress. Her mouth quivered. “But right now all I want is to have my sister back.”

She started to cry. “She died for me, Spike. And I treated her like shit. I was so mad at her for hiding things from me, and treating me like a kid. I know she was trying to protect me.”

No matter how much he wanted to refuse, seeing her cry brought him a step back from the ledge. He dropped down beside her, and took a drag off his cigarette, frustrated.

“Not your fault, Bit. It was mine. I should have protected you. I promised.”

She shook her head. “You did everything you could. There’s nothing you could’ve done.”

He snorted. There was countless ways he could have been quicker, cleverer and kept Dawn from those shallow cuts. But there wasn’t anything he could do to fix it. It was hopeless.

“Bullocks.”

She looked over at him, and wiped away her tears. “You know you can’t do it, right?”

He looked up and gave her a hard look, bloody irritated. Bossy bint. Who did she think she was?

“Is that so?” he replied.

“It is.”

She stared at him with a determined look in her eyes, and he had to look away. It reminded him too much of her.

“And what makes you think that?”

“You promised. And you don’t break your promises.”

That night gave him purpose and pulled him through the misery, not that it ever left him. Seeing Buffy alive on those stairs awakened a part of him that he thought he had lost forever. But it wasn’t without a price.

They stood in front of her house in silence, staring at the light that flickered in the living room window. All the other lights in the house were dark. Buffy froze on the sidewalk, and he wondered if maybe it was a better idea to let her stay the night at his crypt. But he knew she needed to do this. She had to face what was in front of her. Running away from it wasn’t going to make anything better.

“Do you want me to come up with you?”

She chewed on her lip and looked away from him.

“It’s okay, luv. Not to worry, just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Looking up at him with pleading eyes, she asked, “Will you come back tomorrow at nightfall?”

He sobered, taken aback from her request. He couldn’t believe she would actually verbalize wanting him around in any capacity. Taking an unneeded breath, he looked at her and nodded.

She gave him a quick smile then was gone, climbing the tree with the grace only one gifted as she could. Once she was on the roof, she gave him one last glimpse and disappeared through her window.

He walked over to the tree and leaned against it, waiting for a few minutes before he followed, quietly moving to Dawn’s bedroom window and knocked. It took a few moments before the stir of ruffling sheets, and light footsteps pattered to the locked window. In a rush, the blinds pulled open and there she was with sleepy eyes staring back at him.

“Dawn, open up. I need to talk to you.”

She complied and he crawled through the window as she closed it and slowly walked back to her bed in her dazed state and sat. He followed and sat next to her.

“Bit, I need you to stay with your sister tonight.”

She yawned, and stared at him with droopy eyes. “Why? What’s happened?”

He took an unneeded breathe deciding how much he should tell her. After everything, he learned that keeping things from her always had a way of blowing up in everyone’s faces, especially his. There was no way to protect her from the bad things in her life. She needed the truth.

“Your sister… Buffy… Bit, I don’t know how to do this..” He fiddled with his duster, itching for a smoke to ease his tension.

“Just say it Spike. You’re scaring me.”

“Buffy was almost killed by a demon tonight. If I hadn’t gotten there in time, we would have lost her again.”

Dawn gasped her eyes wide. “But she’s okay now, right?”

“Yeah, physically she’s fine, but… Dawn, you don’t understand. It wasn’t just a demon getting the upper hand. She gave up. She wanted to go.”

He didn’t feel the need to scare her further and tell her the demon would have destroyed her soul had it succeeded. Unless it became necessary, he was going to keep that part between him and Buffy.

“She didn’t.” She folded her arms.

“She did. I got there right in time and took care of the demon. She broke right after. I got her calmed down and walked her home. She’s in her room now.” He paused. “Bit, I don’t want her to be alone right now. She needs us. We’ve got to support her and protect her from the others right now. Can you help me do that?”

She stayed silent, and stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Just what I said, Bit. We have to keep the others off her back. Don’t you see? They don’t see her pain.”

“You know I will.” Dawn looked up at Spike with those puppy dog eyes. “Is it because of how they’ve been pushing her to go back to her old life? You know I can see how they are acting too. Even Giles.”

“That’s a part of it.”

Spike looked away, his jaw clenched, knowing the tiniest clue about heaven just slipped though and accidently revealed more than he was willing to admit. Once Dawn had a crumb, there was no way of keeping something hidden from her. She was like a kid left in a room with a jar of cookies. There was no way she would stop until she held that cookie in her hand.

“And?” She looked at him to go on.

“And nothing. I can’t tell you the rest. That’s up to Buffy. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything and I won’t break her trust.”

Dawn rolled her eyes and folded her arms as she huffed. After experiencing many of these fits of hers during the summer, he knew to leave her be for a moment and she would come around. She might be young and immature at times, but she also could handle things most adults couldn’t imagine.

“Bloody hell, you know I’d feel better if you hit me compared to this silent treatment.”

She gave him a small smile, and he nudged her with his shoulder trying his best to pull her back. “Are we good, Bit?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I understand. But you know how I feel about secrets.”

“Don’t I?” Spike laughed thinking about the trouble she caused because of it.
“So it’s bad, isn’t?” she asked.

“Yeah.” He shook his head and looked away from her. “I won’t lie to you and say it isn’t, but we can fix this. We just need to be there for her. Let her know that no matter what happens or what she tells us, we won’t leave her.”

Dawn looked up at him, clearly upset. “Of course, we won’t. How could she not know that?”

“Watcher and the Scoobies are already trying to control her and push her back in the fight. How could she not? She thinks that if she refuses them they’ll leave.”

“They wouldn’t. I know they all have their moments, but they love her. They wouldn’t abandon her.”

“That’s what I told her, but she doesn’t see it that way. Until she can see it for herself, we need to be there and run interference, yeah?” He could see her calculating everything, disappearing into herself. After being with her for a while, he had better idea of how she ticked. She needed to figure it for herself.

“Okay.”

Relief flooded him. “So we’re good, and you understand what you need to do?”

Dawn nodded. “I can do this. For Buffy.”

“Good Bit. Now off you go to Buffy’s.” Spike helped her up and he walked to the window, stepping through.

“Night Spike.”

“Night Nibblet.”

After she locked the window, he was off into the night. He knew he made the right call in telling her. Now with his worry lessened, he could take care of some unfinished business. With daylight a few hours away, he had a house call to make.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy sat in the dark on her bed staring at the window. She knew he hadn’t gone. She could still feel him, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling. She wondered if he was hanging around just in case.

She couldn’t make herself say the words. It hurt unbelievably bad to know what she done. The shame pulled her back into it all, playing it like a home movie and releasing it over and over again. She had never felt this way before, and she had no idea how to handle it.

She had always been confident and knew the right path to take. Sure she had doubts and was scared at times, but it was nothing like this. This was something else entirely.

Before she died everything was clear. She had a purpose, and knew with all her heart that she had to protect Dawn. Her life was important; after all she was an innocent. So when the portal opened she knew it wasn’t Dawn’s life that was needed, it was hers. And her mission was complete. She had done what she was called to do and she was finished.

But it was not to be. No, her friends had other plans and pulled her out of that place of peace and completion into a world of chaos and cruelty. How could she go on knowing what she lost? She didn’t know if she could, and tonight proved it. The first chance she got, she bailed.

The night kept repeating itself as she thought about what she should have done differently. Anyway she could have salvaged some part of herself. During this she felt Spike’s presence dissipate, and felt immediate loss. She knew it was wrong to feel such comfort in his presence but after tonight and everything he had done; she could no longer help herself.

A soft tap on her door pulled her attention away from herself. She was afraid to answer and see who it was. The door creaked open and Dawn poked her head in.

“Buffy? Can I come in?”

She wanted to say no that she wanted to be alone, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie. “Come in.”

Dawn quietly closed the door and walked over to the bed and took a seat next to Buffy. They sat in silence for a while.

Dawn looked over at her. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t know what to say. Should she make something up or tell the truth? Her instincts told her to lie and take the easy way out. But she knew Dawn would see right through.

“Do you want the truth or the lie?”

“The truth. You can tell me anything, you know? I’m not a little girl anymore.”

Buffy looked over at Dawn, the moonlight shining through the window illuminating her pale skin. She looked so young, just like the little sister she remembered before, but her eyes gave it away. She had a maturity that she didn’t before. This little girl had seen so much in her short life and Buffy realized she couldn’t protect her from the bad in the world. After everything that happened before her death, she realized that leaving her naive was the wrong choice. So she decided to let her in.

“I know. Too bad I didn’t realize that before. Maybe things could’ve been different.”

Buffy sobered. She really, really didn’t want to talk about it. Everything was too fresh. She didn’t want Dawn to feel ashamed of her. She wanted to be the hero, the Slayer for her. Someone she could count on and be proud of. Not the shell of what she once was.

“It’s okay Buffy. You can tell me anything…. I will love you no matter what. You know that right? No matter what you say, I’m not going to leave you.”

A sob choked her, tears forming in her eyes as she tried to keep her emotions in check but couldn’t keep the tears from coming.

“Oh Dawn. Everything is so messed up…. There’s something wrong with me.”

Dawn shook her head. “Nothing is wrong with you.”

“That’s not true. If there wasn’t I wouldn’t have…”

She couldn’t say the words. To admit what she had done, would make it real. Even now after everything, she couldn’t understand it all. To go from a woman that knew with all her heart what she was destined to do, then to be pulled around on its head to what she wasn’t. A fraction of the strength she had. She was nothing.

“Tried to kill yourself?” Dawn said quietly.

Surprised, Buffy looked up. “How did you..?”

Dawn hesitated, obviously deciding what to say. Finally she let out a sigh and said, “Spike.”

Buffy’s jaw clenched and her tear filled moment stopped, instantly bringing her anger to the front. No longer could she keep it bottled. After everything tonight, he betrayed her trust as soon as he got an opportunity.

The nerve of him, making this decision for her after everything he knew. How was it up to him to decide whether Dawn could handle something of this magnitude? He had no right to interfere without asking her. It wasn’t up to him to decide. He was just like the others.

“Buffy, don’t be mad at him. He’s worried about you and just wants to make sure you’re okay. I don’t think he wanted to tell me but I didn’t give him a choice.”

She shook her head and her voice rose. “He had no right to say anything. It wasn’t his to tell.”

“Maybe not, but think about it from his side. What if our roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want him to tell you if I’d done something like that?” Her eyes and voice pleaded for her to listen.

A tiny part of her understood why he did it, but another part felt helpless like he had taken her power away.

“But that’s different. You’re a child… He.. He..”

“He’s my friend. You forget that I do understand. Don’t you remember what happened after I learned what I am? I didn’t exactly handle it well.”

How could she forget the night that Dawn and Spike snuck off and broke into the Magic Box. By accident, she learned about her true origin in this world. She would never forget the terror she felt when she saw the blood that had ran down Dawn’s wrists. It scared the hell out of her. From that day forward, she knew she had to protect her.

“God, how can I forget? I felt so guilty about you finding out that way. I went to beat the shit out of Spike that next day.”

“It wasn’t his fault, you know? He saw me sneak out and he just tagged along to make sure I was okay.”

Hearing all of this helped calm her down, but she definitely wasn’t over this newest violation of her trust. It hurt to know that the one person she thought had her back would go against her so quickly, no matter the intention.

She didn’t want to fight about this, so she decided to drop it. “Yeah, I know.”

“He did the same thing all summer. He looked after me, and even the others. He kept us all safe. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”

Buffy nodded.

No matter how mad she was, she couldn’t be more than grateful for everything he had done. No doubt he saved all their lives. Done what she couldn’t. But that didn’t make it okay to do what he did.

Silence pulled them under again. She could tell Dawn was waiting for her to say something, but Buffy didn’t know how to talk about this. It was so hard.

Could she tell her what was really happened? What she lost? She didn’t know.

“It’s alright you know. You can talk to me about it. Hell… I know you don’t think I can handle it, but I can.”

She bit her lip, contemplating whether she should just come out with it all. Every nerve ending in her was so tired of lying. Each time she went along with her friends and their comments about where they assumed she had been pulled her that much further into herself. It was time to let it all go.

“It all happened so fast. I was out patrolling, finishing up my rounds and this demon attacked. We fought, and it got the best of me. But.. I didn’t try to get away, I welcomed it. I just wanted everything to be over.” Buffy looked down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. “I wanted to go back.”

Buffy heard Dawn gasp, she waited a few moments before looking over at her. Dawn’s eyes were filled with tears.

“When they pulled me out, I wasn’t in hell like they thought. I think I was in heaven.”

Dawn reached over to hug her, and Buffy lost it. She couldn’t hold it back. To admit the torment she kept from her all this time. No longer would she have to pretend, and keep her mask in place like she did with the others. A weight felt like it had fallen off, one less person to pretend for.

They sat silently huddled into each other for the longest time before Buffy pulled away first. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and reached for Dawn’s hand holding it in hers.

“I want you to understand. I love you, with everything that I am, I do. But it’s hard. Coming back. It’s so hard to be the Slayer again. Being the one everyone turns to. Especially after it was all over.”

Dawn’s grip tightened at surprising strength. Buffy looked up to see the fury in her eyes.

“How could they, Buffy? How could they do this to you? They should’ve checked. Made sure they knew where you were before. God, I’m so sorry. If we would’ve known, Spike and I would’ve stopped them.”

She knew they were blameless in all of this, and to know they were on her side made the tiniest gleam of hope bloom in her.

“I know you guys didn’t know anything. I don’t blame you.”

“But that doesn’t make this okay. God, Buffy! They robbed you of heaven. That’s not just anything!”

Dawn stood, pacing in front of her like a scientist working out a theory in the movies. She had never seen her like this. She could feel the vehemence coming off of her in waves. With each step, the tension seemed to heighten until she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dawn, will you please sit down?”

She stared at her, a look of disbelief on her face. “How can you be so calm about all of this? I have every intention of going down the hall and beating the shit out of Willow then going to Xander’s to do the same! God, the nerve of them.”

Buffy was bewildered by this side of Dawn. She was a completely different animal and she didn’t know how to react.

“I just want to hit something. God, is this how you feel all the time? No wonder…”

Buffy stood and walked over to her, holding her by the shoulders. “It’s okay Dawn.”

“No, it’s not Buffy. Nothing about this is okay. You didn’t deserve this. You saved the fucking world! And what you’re going through? I can’t imagine.”

Buffy gave her a stern look for her use of language, but let it go as Dawn reached for her.

“I’m going to get you through this. I promise. Buffy, you don’t have to be alone. No matter what, I have your back. I love you. More than you can possibly know.”

Buffy was speechless. Hearing her say those words meant more to her than she could imagine. Her support was everything. And to see this behavior from her, well she had never seen this side of Dawn before. She was so grown; a force in her own right and it totally took her by surprise. But it also made her smile.

“You’re all grown up now, aren’t you?” Her voice cracked, almost sounding weak.

“Are you just now seeing that,” Dawn said with a smirk.

“I guess everything is different now.” She looked down at her hands, a moment of melancholy running through her.

Dawn reached for her hand and held it. “Not everything Buffy. You’ll see.”

Buffy looked up and gave her a weak smile. “I hope you’re right.”

Dawn yawned, and rubbed her eyes. Buffy realized she should probably make her go back to bed. At least it was Saturday and she wouldn’t have to worry about getting up early for school.

“It’s late, maybe you should think about going back to bed.”

“Yeah,” she said walking over to the other side of the bed, and lifted up the covers and tucked herself in.

Buffy smiled as she sat down on the other side of the bed. She pulled off her clothes and grabbed a discarded tshirt lying next to her nightstand before lifting up the covers. Laying next to her sister, she wiggled for a moment trying to get comfortable before fluffing her pillow.

Dawn rolled over and laid her head next to her shoulder. “Buffy?”

“Yeah?” She sunk further into her covers, her body relaxing a little from the contact.

“Can I dye my hair purple?”

Buffy laughed to herself, internally shaking her head. She should have known her impromptu move at the salon would give her ideas. Instead of entertaining the idea, she looked over at her sister and said, “Goodnight Dawn.”

“Night Buffy.”

Chapter 7

Willow took off the emerald pendant necklace draped around her neck and sat it on the table next to a white pillar candle. The jewelry held no sentimental value and worked perfectly for this little test run if things went awry. Which it wouldn’t. Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself.

With a single word and the snap of her fingers, the candle lit. Its blaze danced in the afternoon sun shining through the front window of the Magic Box. Only hushed tones from passersby penetrated the barrier to the outside world, all signs of life in the shop presently at the table or the basement working on an online order. Conditions were perfect to give this a go.

Clearing her throat, Willow took a pinch of ground foxglove from a small bowl and recited the handwritten translation with precise words. “Contegerent chlamyde” She sprinkled the powder over the necklace. “Igitur evanescunt ex oculis.”

[Cover under the cloak, disappear from sight]

The pendant shone with a faint yellow light, and slowly faded from sight before popping back into view. Willow growled and looked upward. “For goddess sakes, what happened this time?” She blew out the candle and pulled her laptop out, ready to find a source to fix this.

To be honest, she was sick and tired of these trials gone wrong. For over a week, she had been experimenting with different spells, hoping to find the same high to course its way through her body and mind as it did when Buffy came back. The resurrection spell continued to compel her to push the barriers of magic. Something inside screamed for release. Since then she’d been working on the cloaking spell and a few others with mixed results.

After the first trial, Willow had fallen into a rhythm of translation research and herbal combinations. Tara started showing concern after her third all-nighter and told her to slow down. What was it she kept saying? It will happen naturally if you let it. Willow shrugged off her advice. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was practice and persistence made all the difference.

Which led her back to the problem at hand. What was out of the mix? The incantation must be correct, or the object wouldn’t have faded, leaving the herbal component to review. What she needed was a stronger powder, or maybe a root to use as a catalyst.

Willow’s fingers tapped the keys of her computer, and Mrs.Veronica Mills, help for the Witch on the Go web page popped up on her laptop screen. With questions about powders, roots, or gems, this was her first stop to formulate the right ingredients. After referencing the effects of her last attempt, she decided a mixture of salt and iron powder might increase the chemical reaction necessary to power the cloak.

Carrying the bowl, she walked back behind the counter and sat it down to be cleaned later and grabbed a clean one. Both the salt and iron powder sat right behind the cash register, and she took a pinch of each one from its glass canister. With her fingers, she mixed the grains as she walked back to the table.

She sat the bowl down next to the translation and relit the candle. With the same determination as before, she began. “Contegerent chlamyde” She sprinkled the powder over the necklace. “Igitur evan…”

The basement door slammed shut. Willow turned toward the noise instinctively for just a moment, but it was enough. A slight slip of the tongue on the last word and it was wasted. The pendant didn’t even fade, let alone disappear.

Willow growled to herself, flipping an irritated glare at Anya. This was typical. Anytime she decided to work on something important; she was always interrupted. Times like these begged for a place of her own to practice without interruption. A place kind of like Buffy’s training room would be perfect for her. Well, outfitted with the right tools of the trade, of course.

It caught her as funny that a magic shop had its downfalls. With a never ending stock of supplies and reference material, it should be the Holy Grail for a witch. And in ways it was for her. It was here she expanded her knowledge and tested out spells just as she was now. But if an interruption here and there stopped progress, was it the right fit?

Anya continued her trek to the counter, her disturbance unnoticed as pulled out the day’s receipts and shuffled through them. She hummed to herself, her head bobbing to a silent beat. Willow decided now was the right time to replenish supplies with her distracted with her favorite activity.

Casually, she walked around the counter and took a pinch of salt and iron once again. Anya didn’t twitch or move to notice what she was doing, completely enwrapped in her world.

It was only when Willow sat, that Anya chose to pay attention. “I saw that you know. Taking without paying, some would call it stealing.”

An immediate reply bubbled, but Willow refused to voice her opinion. No, she didn’t want another twenty-minute argument over this again. This time, she was going to try a different approach.

“So in your silence, you’re admitting your guilt.”

Willow looked down, trying her best to keep her calm. There was something about Anya that triggered a part of her that she couldn’t keep composed. One comment or a frown could set her off quicker than anyone she’d ever known. This time was no different. “It’s not stealing. I’m experimenting with a new spell.”

“Still you’re taking inventory without paying. Seems like I should get some kind of compensation since I can’t sell it to a customer now.”

“I thought we’d been over this already with Giles. He said that if the supplies were minimal, and it was something to help Buffy, I didn’t have to pay. Besides, I wouldn’t have needed more if you hadn’t of slammed the basement door.”

“Oh excuse me for trying to keep this business up and running. The purpose of this establishment is to turn a profit, not to fund whatever magic experiment you’re working on now.”

“You know…”

The front door bell rang, and Xander stepped through the entrance in his work boots and a flannel shirt.

“Hey, Ahn. Willow,” he said. His shoulders were slightly hunched, and his voice seemed tired.

Willow smiled at him, thankful for the interruption. If he hadn’t disturbed the beginnings of a fight between her and Anya, who knows how what this might have escalated to. Thankfully he was here just in time.

He took the steps down to the showcase, promptly taking post against the glass. He seemed upset about something. Willow wondered if the stress of his job was getting to him or if it was the fight from yesterday with Buffy. He’d been upset with Buffy, taking Spike’s side over his. He couldn’t understand what was going on with her. And the truth of it neither could she.

Buffy was different since Willow brought her back from the hell dimension. She’d been reserved and kept to herself at first. Almost like a lost puppy. The gang decided to let her ease into things, but that approach seemed to make things worse. Anymore their encounters with their best friend were hostile at best. Willow assumed it was Buffy’s way of coping, letting all the misery out into the fold.

Willow couldn’t begrudge her for it. Sure, she was concerned and wanted to help her friend, but something told her to leave it. Right now she would stick with the plan, and let Buffy tell them what she needed.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” Anya asked as she walked over to her boyfriend.

“Everything’s fine. Just beat. The GM for this project is driving us hard with these deadlines. I can’t wait the week to be over.” He rubbed his face and released a deep breath. “I at least talked to Buffy this morning. She said she’d go and see Jensen about the opening down at the donut shop.”

Relieved, Willow smiled at the news her two best friends were talking again. After their fight yesterday, she didn’t know what to do for either of them and left them both be after Tara’s warning to let it go. It was so hard to listen, every fiber in her being pushing to fix the situation herself. A spell could fix this; she knew it. But something deep down kept her from jumping from the ledge. The only thing she could do was to support them both the only way she knew how. She would be there when they were ready.

“Do you think she’ll go?” Anya asked.

“At this point Ahn, I don’t know. But I tried at least.” He shook his head, looking dejected.

Anya wrapped her arms around Xander and kissed him. The kiss started out slow and increased in intensity. Xander grabbed Anya’s waist, pulling her closer.

Willow turned away from the couple and back to her text, not wanting to observe the display of affection. If only she had something to plug her ears, she could continue without distraction.

Anya pulled away from him, her cheeks pink and eyes shining. “Well, I know what might make you feel better. We still have that new French maid costume we haven’t tried out yet. Maybe we can..”

“Other people are sitting in this room; you know,” Willow bellowed.

Xander blushed, looking away from his friend. Willow didn’t even reach Anya’s radar. Instead of arguing with her, Anya kept her attention on him and kept her voice low. After a few whispers here and there, Anya spoke. “Willow, I need Xander to help me bring up some… Oh whatever, we are going to have sex. Will you watch the counter for me?”

Not wanting her to speak any longer than needed, Willow nodded her head and quickly looked down at her notebook.

“Consider that your payment for the supplies,” Anya replied as they shuffled off to the basement.

Thank goddess she didn’t elaborate, or I might not have kept that turkey sandwich down. With the store surprisingly slow on Halloween, Willow figured she could at least get twenty minutes of quiet time before Xander and Anya returned. If she were lucky, the store would stay empty, even if Anya complained about it.

Somehow Anya determined the Halloween holiday would be like Christmas shopping and had stocked up on supplies. Apparently, she guessed wrong, and most people were busy putting the finishing touches on their costumes, or making a last minute candy run. Besides, most serious witches like Willow didn’t fall into the cliché of doing magic just because it was a magical holiday.

Once the pair disappeared down the hallway, Willow returned to her incantation. She wasn’t even through the first three words before the bell chimed.

Cursing her luck, she looked up and saw a man with long blonde hair and pale skin glide through the doorway. He went straight for the shelving by the candles and incense, scanning the merchandise. A statue on the top shelf caught his attention, and he reached up and grabbed it without any effort, his tall stature equipped for the task. He turned the item around in his hand and examined the price tag. The statue went back to its spot.

Being the good friend that she was, Willow got up from the spell she was so eager to cast and walked over to the customer. If she wanted to get back to it anytime soon, she needed to get this guy what he wanted and out of here.

He looked at her as she approached and smiled.

“Hi. Something I can help you with?”

“Let’s hope so. I’m looking for a book.”

“Any in particular?”

His smile widened, revealing dimples in his cheeks. “Seidr and Norse Shamanism.”

Willow’s eyes widened, interested in the unusual request. She couldn’t say that there was typically any interest in the genre. From what she’d gathered, the practice had died out centuries ago though fragments of the art evolved into modern magic practices. Norse gods were still a source of power though they were known to be quite difficult to pull from. Something about a warrior’s strength kept most from the attempt.

Willow motioned him to follow her, and she walked past the research table toward the bookshelves underneath the balcony. Only the dangerous texts were located up the metal staircase, out of the hands of twitchy fingers. The shelf in front of her held beginner how-to and history reference books with newer and older bindings mixed according to origin and title.

She scanned the shelf, finding the book in question in its proper spot and picked it up. The leather binding seemed fragile, one swift move away from falling apart. It's gold lettering and edging engraved with a hint of red speckles causing the words to pop. But that wasn’t what caught her eye. The intertwined snake eating its tail in the center pulled at her mind, teasing her to look closer.

Apparently, it held her attention too long because he began to cough. She looked up to see a smirk lining his face.

“Here you go.” She nervously handed the book over with a weak smile. “We don’t get very many customers looking for sources on Norse magic. You’re lucky we had it in stock.”

He flipped through the pages, examining it. Once satisfied, he looked up. “It seems it's my lucky day, Ms?”

“Rosenberg. Willow Rosenberg.”

“Thanks for your assistance then, Willow. I’m Jordyn”

“No problem, Jordyn. Now, if you can follow me to the register, and I’ll get you checked out.”

Willow started toward the register as her mind questioned this particular purchase. Something about it pulled at her curiosity, and the need to know more was overwhelming.

“Are you big with Norse mythology or…?”

“Well, I guess of sorts. I practice magic through shamanism.” His voice stayed in place. Willow turned and saw him at the research table, examining her notes. He flipped the page, continuing to read like he had permission to intrude.

“Are you working on a cloaking spell?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Your Latin is straightforward. Have you had much luck with the iron and salt?”

“Still in the practice stage. Didn’t get the chance to try it out before you walked in.”

He smiled, and his eyes lit with excitement. “Well, then let’s see it.”

“You mean now?”

His eyes rose with expectation and waited. Willow wasn’t sure how to take this man. A part of her wanted to ignore his request and get him out the door. But the other half was intrigued, and slightly excited someone might be interested in something she was working on.

Willow took a seat at the table and motioned for him to sit.

She lit the candle and said the incantation, then sprinkled the mixture onto the necklace. She repeated the words without any difficulty.

The necklace faded away. Willow smiled, proud that the spell had worked. Then the pendant popped back into place.

She frowned. “I guess it still needs work.”

“It seemed everything was in order. Maybe your approach needs some work.” He waved his hand over the necklace. A faint red glow emitted from his hand, and the necklace disappeared.

Willow’s eyes widened, mouth gaped open. “How did you do that?”

Jordyn laughed. “Magic, of course.” His dimples more prominent as his smile deepened.

“You know what I mean! No witch or warlock can just wave their hands like they do in the movies. You had to have done something. Did you whisper the spell?”

“No. I simply willed the necklace to disappear. No spell was needed.”

“How can you say that?”

“I practice magic through a form of Norse shamanism.”

“What, like channeling Freija or other Norse entities?”

He laughed. “Not exactly.”

Willow frowned, wondering what this guy was talking about. Every witch or warlock drew their power from the universe. The more powerful spells required an extra boost from a mystical power, but only those strong enough were able to summon it. Without those rules, anyone could do magic.

Before she could question him any longer, he shook his head and began answering her unspoken question.

“I don’t draw power from foreign energy. I draw it out from within.”

Willow remained silent, trying to figure out what he meant. Instead of letting the silence linger, he continued.

“Most don’t have the talent, you see. Only a truly gifted witch or warlock can tap into that kind of power.”

Willow sputtered. “How is this even possible? I’ve never read anything about it in a book or online.”

“Oh, you won’t find this written in any book or online blog. It’s passed down from generation to generation. Usually kept within a family, my mother taught me.”

Willow couldn’t believe her ears. This guy had to be lying, giving her a load of crap to try and impress her or something. There was no way this kind of magic existed without word getting out. Things like this just didn’t stay a secret. At the very least, some legend would exist about such a talented witch or warlock.

Seeming to understand her skepticism, he nodded. The room went eerily quiet; a faint red light emulated from his hands, seeping in thin tendrils to the lit candle. Its flame danced around Jordyn’s power, flaring brighter until the red energy attacked.

Sparks shot upward, almost reaching the ceiling before Jordyn waved his hand. In a circular motion, he pulled the sparks together until it morphed into a bright window. From Willow’s viewpoint, she could see the Magic Box but it was moving at a fast pace. Almost like fast forwarding a movie. Anya moved about like she was on the drug speed, working with customers, stocking shelves and cashing out the register for the day. The lights dimmed, and darkness descended.

Jordyn flicked his index finger, and the room was illuminated again. The pace picked up, even faster than before. Willow watched what looked like a Scoobie meeting, then blending into normal business. The days turned to weeks then to months with the quickening pace of the rise and fall of the sun. Until the room sat still.

Questions rolled through her mind, but only the obvious popped out of her mouth. “How are you doing that?”

“My magic is timeless,” he shrugged.

She shook her head, not believing what she was seeing. This was a parlor trick meant to fool those around you that what they were seeing was real. This couldn’t be more than fast-forwarding a DVD.

“That’s a neat illusion you’ve created.”

He smiled at her then stood up from his chair. He walked over to the shelves behind him and picked up a small wooden statue of Athena. He examined the price tag on the bottom before he threw it into the window. The statue landed on the floor next to the showcase. Willow tilted her chair to see away from the window and saw nothing on the floor.

Wide-eyed, she turned her attention back to the window and watched the statute collect dust, completely undisturbed. Days continued without any encounters with the Scoobies or any other humans. The place was abandoned. What caught her as weird was the store remained the same as if one day no one returned. Inventory collected dust and spider webs weaved over every surface until the building began to shake. Ceramic urns, containers full of herbs and roots fell first, smashing into shards. Next, the shelving tumbled to the ground. The floor cracked, and the statue fell through the opening into the earth as the roof crumpled. The entire building fell into a giant black crater.

Jordyn waved his hand, and the window vanished. He gazed at her with a satisfied look on his face.

Mouth gaped, she gawked at this mystery man. A flood of questions overwhelmed her, the mechanics and the physics of how this could be possible. A view into an alternate dimension seemed like the most reasonable explanation, but how could he have achieved it without even the slightest twist of the lips. The overachiever in her screamed for her to investigate, to find out how he managed to pull off something of this magnitude.

“Who are you? And how is that possible? Your lips didn’t even move.” Her voice softened as her eyes wandered off. The possibilities this opened. To cast a spell without an incantation or herbs completely changed the game. No more being pushed into a corner when everything was on the line, she could step from behind and help. The way she always wanted to.

“Look I’m a witch just like you. Well, a warlock, that is. I could see the suspicion rolling off of you and thought it would be better to show you. Sometimes you just need to see to believe.”

“But I still don’t understand. How can you pull that much energy out of yourself and still be upright? I get nosebleeds when drawing too much from the universe.”

“Explaining is not that easy. It more of teaching a thing.”

Not satisfied with his response, she knew she was going to need to push if she wanted answers. “Then you need to teach me.”

He laughed. “And give my family secret away just like that? Because you want to know? It doesn’t work that way.”

“Then tell me how it works then. What do I need to do?”

“Sorry to get your hopes up, but this isn’t something I can share with just anyone.”

“Then why show me at all? Did you need to show off and brag? Is that what that was? A haha I’m better at this than you.” She snapped at the end. Her anger was rising with this game he was playing with her.

“Calm down,” he said, raising his hand to keep her from interrupting. “It wasn’t a show at all. I saw your frustration with the cloaking spell, and I wanted to give you hope. That there was so much more to magic than a simple incantation.”

“You certainly pulled that off. Now I don’t even know where to start with something of that magnitude.”

He tapped his finger against his mouth, looking at her thoughtfully. “Well, maybe there is something I could do.” He leaned in. “If I’m going to do this, then there needs to be a test. I’m not going to reveal secrets to just any witch. I need to know you have potential.”

Willow leaned forward. “What kind of test?”

“Meet me at the Expresso Pump at six and you will find out.”

“Deal.” The reply was immediate. There was no thinking about this. She knew she had the potential to be great; she just needed that little push to send her to the next level. Maybe this was the opportunity she was looking for.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Dawn, have you seen my polka dot button down?” Buffy yelled while she stood in front of her closet pushing around a row of sweaters, button downs and silks. Surely it was tucked out of view. But after checking the hamper and the piles of discarded garments lounging on the floor, she was about to give up and look for something else. Well, unless one little sister had snatched it without asking.

“Is it the white one with black polka dots?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

There was a pause followed by shuffling then something slammed into the wall. Buffy growled, stomping out of her room and down the hallway to Dawn. She wondered if it was time to start locking her door if she wanted to keep her wardrobe intact. Maybe it was time to return the favor and start raiding her closet for a change. That would be a new one.

Leaning against the doorjamb with her arms crossed, she watched her little sister mutter to herself as she tossed shirts, pants, and shoes out from under her bed. A few of those items banged against the wall, barely missing a picture of a Hello Kitty.

In a cloud of cotton came the shirt in question flying toward her. She snatched it up before it had a chance to touch the ground. “And what is my shirt doing in your room?”

Dawn jumped, banging her head against the metal bed frame in the process. She rubbed the back of her head before turning toward Buffy with a sheepish smile. “It looked really good with a pair of black leggings. It made my legs look super long.”

“They are long.” Giving her disapproval face, she went on. “I thought you weren’t supposed to take my clothes without asking.”

Dawn bit her lip and looked away.

Buffy shrugged, perplexed by Dawn’s weird behavior. “What?”

With a low voice, she responded. “You weren’t around to ask.”

Her stomach dropped, a coldness that wasn’t there before caused her to shiver. She rubbed her hands over her arms and tried to push her nightmare way. “Oh,” she replied with a quiver to her voice.

“Sorry.” Dawn looked up through her eyelashes with pleading eyes. “I should’ve put it back. I guess I forgot.”

Buffy took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair. As much as she wanted to crumble into herself and hide in her misery, she couldn’t allow herself. Not after everything that happened. She refused to let a reminder bring her to that point again. Whether she wanted to or not, it was time to break free of this black heart and fill its gaping hole. And she needed to start with one of the few people in her life that seemed to care.

She pulled Dawn into her arms and stroked her head gently. “It’s okay. Please don’t hide things from me, no matter how much you think I want to be all avoid-o girl. I promise I won’t hide from you either. Okay?”

Dawn looked up and smiled. “Okay.”

The embrace warmed her, and she couldn’t help but return her smile. “Now how about we finish getting dressed before we’re late for the movie?”

Dawn nodded with a child-like giddiness and Buffy could help but laugh before giving her one last squeeze.

Once she slipped away from Dawn, the easy smile fell away as she returned to her room to finished dressing. A numbness that was all too familiar slithered back but this time she wasn’t allowing it. Tonight was going to be the start of something new.

After adding the finishing touches to her outfit, she stood in front of her full-length mirror and struck a pose. Pulled over the button down was army green sweater with a black outline of a star and a pair of ripped skinny jeans. Now all she needed was her pair of black ankle boots and to finish curling her hair.

While she sat down at her vanity, she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about what she was doing. It wasn’t a coincidence that she picked the movie time that started right at sundown. The way she figured it, it was best to avoid him. Well, unless she felt like getting a few punches in. But somehow that didn’t make her feel as good as it once did.

Dawn hollered the time from down the hallway and Buffy picked up the pace. The movie started in thirty minutes and with her no driving policy they needed some extra time to make it on time.

She finished styling her pink curls and lightly sprayed her hair, giving it one last look. Satisfied with the result, she unplugged her curling iron and put her hair products back in their proper place. Movement reflected from the mirror catching her attention. She turned and glanced at Giles standing just inside of the doorway.

Their eyes met, and he gave her a hesitant smile. “You and Dawn are going out?”

Her jaw clenched as she reached down for her boots, keeping her face hidden away as she took a calming breath. His tone held a hint of uncertainty that helped lessen the lingering resentment she still held from the other day. But just a little. She was in no mood to let him rain on what was supposed to be a fun night out with her sister. Better to just let him get his lecture out and be done with it.

She took a seat at the head of the bed and pulled one of her boots on. “Yeah they’re showing classic monster movies at Sun Cinema tonight,” she replied keeping her voice casual.

Giles looked down, obviously choosing his words. “And do you plan on patrolling tonight?”

She shrugged. “Probably not. If something happens, then I’ll make an appearance. But isn’t Halloween supposed to be my one day off a year anyways?”

“Well, I do suppose that is correct, yes. But it seems that hasn’t worked too well in the past, has it?”

She really couldn’t argue, what with her stellar history with the holiday. It was just as bad as her birthday. “That’s true.”

He looked somewhat relieved at her agreement and took a seat on the bed next to her. “Maybe you should do a quick patrol and see a later showing then just to be safe. I..”

“No!” Dawn stood in the hallway with her arms crossed, her signature pout on showcase. “Then there will be an excuse for us to miss the movie altogether. Besides all the other years when all hell broke loose, a patrol didn’t stop it from happening. Just let things be for once.”

His mouth tightened, pronouncing the wrinkles around his mouth. “Now Dawn don’t you think that is a little…”

“What, naïve?” She huffed. “No, I don’t. Buffy’s not a child anymore, Giles. Shouldn’t it be up to her to decide?”

Taken aback by her assertiveness, he sputtered. “Well, yes. But it isn’t out the question for me to simply suggest given the evening’s history.”

“Dawn..” Buffy raised a hand for her to stop. All she needed now was a faceoff between her watcher and sister, even if she did agree with her.

“What about what’s good for her? Have you thought about that in all of this time? She’s only been back a few weeks. Let her get used to things first. Or are you too stupid to see..”

“Dawn that’s enough,” Buffy yelled, her hands gripping the side of her head. She couldn’t let this carry-on. One more comment like that and her secret would fly from Dawn’s lips faster than money at a Victoria’s Secret sale.

Buffy stood and sauntered over to the doorway, standing in front of Dawn. “Listen, Giles does have a point. Things do usually come crashing down tonight. So I will patrol.” Dawn started to whine, but Buffy held her hand up. “But after the movie.” She turned her attention back to Giles. “Now if anything happens before, then you know where to find me.”

Giles nodded, a ghost of a smile touching his lips before disappearing. “Very well then. I guess I will leave you both to your evening.” He walked over to the girls, and took Buffy’s shoulder in his hand for a moment and left them alone.

Buffy sagged against the doorway as Dawn bounced on her toes with a huge grin on her face. That little episode went a lot better than she anticipated. She at least thought he would put up a fight, but she guessed he couldn’t refuse her compromise. Was he coming around and seeing things for what they were?

For that moment with his hand on her shoulder, she almost felt like things were back to normal. Like he was here to support her, but with everything that had happened in the last few days she couldn’t get her hopes up just yet. Even though she wanted that back.

Dawn grabbed Buffy’s hand and propelled her down the stairs, both of them yelling goodbyes to Giles. They slammed the door behind them and rushed down the porch onto the sidewalk. Dawn seemed to skip along, her happiness apparent as Buffy sped up her pace to keep up with her long-legged sister.

She shook her head, a smile tugging at her mouth at the promise of their night but before it could go on, there was something she needed to address. If this new found relationship between them was going to work, she needed to make it crystal clear that Dawn’s lips had to remain sealed.

“Don’t you think that little display was too much?”

Dawn rolled her eyes and huffed. “No, if anything it wasn’t enough. Buffy, he doesn’t have any right to tell you what to do.”

Oh, this again. She thought they had worn out this conversation this afternoon, but it looked like Dawn was still determined to make her point. “He’s my watcher. It’s what he does. But that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” she said with her jaw clenched.

She exhaled and tried her best to sound serious without sounding bitchy at the same time. “Next time watch what you say. I don’t want you accidently giving anything away. It’s mine to tell.”

Dawn stopped abruptly and crossed her arms. “I’m not stupid you know. After everything, I would’ve thought you knew me better than that. But no, get mad at the person that actually has your back right?”

Buffy leaned her head back, looking up at the stars while grinding her teeth. She counted to five and turned her attention back to her sister. “That’s not what this about and you know it.”

“Maybe so, but I’m right. He doesn’t have the right to rule you. And neither do the others. Just like this morning when they told you to go and talk to Xander’s friend about a job opening. Was that something you wanted to do or did you do it because they told you to?”

An immediate denial formed on her lips, but Dawn’s gaze kept her from forming the lie. Buffy knew she was right. It was their insistence that had finally broken her, and she complied. But she did need help figuring out this finance thing. It wasn’t like there was any money coming in and with little experience and a limited college education she had to rely on any connection she could. Instead of arguing, she went with the truth.

“We need the money Dawn and we need their help.”

Dawn threw her hands in the air. “Are you kidding me?”

Buffy froze in place and stayed silent, unaware of what she had said to make her this upset.

“Yeah we need money because of them. If they hadn’t been so stupid to pay off all the hospital bills and blow through mom’s money, then we would be fine. Janice’s mom said we should’ve arranged a payment plan with the hospital, and then we could have continued living off of the insurance money until things got settled. But it’s not like anyone asked me.”

“Janice’s mom?” Buffy shouted. “What are you doing talking to her about our finances?”

“I do have people that care about me outside of your little group, ya know? She was worried about us after mom. She wondered what was going on with me after… you were gone and instead of revealing anything about you, I blurted out the money thing.” Dawn frowned at her. “Sorry didn’t really think about it.”

Some of the tension drained out of her. “Next time keep our family stuff within the family. I don’t want you accidently letting Janice’s mom onto anything else.”

Dawn snorted. “Oh, the awesome family we have now, huh? Don’t get me wrong I love them too, but they aren’t acting like much of a family except for Tara and Spike. They took care of me when the others only tolerated me. Janice’s house was a nice escape when they couldn’t be around.”

She forced herself to maintain eye contact, the pain emitting from her words struck her like a physical blow. God, she was so selfish. Not once had she considered how hard everything had been for Dawn. Losing her mother and her sister in the course of a few months would be more than most adults could handle. But she was still able to keep going.

“Buffy, I don’t understand you defending them. All they seem to do is take away your choices, and you always take their side no matter what. But you’re wrong this time. Why can’t you see that? You should be pissed at them. God knows I am! You defend them over and over no matter what and they shit on you. Then the one person who is always there, you treat like garbage. Wake up. You’re backing the wrong horse.”

Thoroughly put in her place, Buffy whispered. “Well, what horse should I be backing then?”

Gently, Dawn grabbed her arm, and Buffy looked up with defeated eyes.

Dawn spoke with gentleness. “You should bet on yourself. Now is the time to take a chance and make your own decisions. The others can tell you what they want you to do, but only you can give them power. It’s time for you to decide.”

Buffy looked down at the ground, letting quiet take over. She didn’t have anything to say. Everything she said was right.

Rather than coming to the same conclusion herself, it was her baby sister telling her it was time to grow up and take a stand. How pathetic was that? After fighting vampires, demons and hell gods for years, she should be able to make her decisions. And if anyone had a problem with it, then it shouldn’t matter. But it was so much harder than it sounded.

It was easier to run away. But could she do that again? So far it had only made things much worse.

“I mean really. You’ve been bitching about Spike all day. What’s your deal with him anyway? He’s only trying to help,” Dawn said.

Warmth filled her cheeks at the mention of his name. She turned away from her sister and hurried away from the personal question.

“He betrayed me. I trusted him, and he immediately went behind my back.” She yelled hoping it was enough to drop the subject.

Dawn scurried after her, catching up with her pace in a couple of steps. “Oh give me a break. He did the right thing, and you know it. It’s just easier to be a bitch to him than give him a chance.”

Buffy picked up her pace, refusing to answer. Let alone look at her.

“You know I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it. Look, I get it. You’re mad that he told me, but he should’ve. Can’t you see that he’s trying to do something good? He’s changed.”

There was no doubt he was different. At first the subtle changes weren’t so easy to see her caught up in adjusting. The pull she felt was natural like it had always been this way before. Without realizing it, their relationship had morphed from one of distrust and murderous thoughts to an actual friendship. Maybe it was more, her mind teased. She shook off the thought, not ready to analyze her feelings any further.

“Listen, I hear you. But you have to understand my hesitation. We have a history and not a good one. I can see that he’s different, but in the back of my mind I wonder if it’s just a front or a game to him.”

“It’s not a game. If it were, he wouldn’t have stuck around and watched my back. God knows he didn’t have to protect everyone; Xander included.”

Buffy held her hands up and surrendered. “Okay, okay. You’ve made your point. It’s not a game. But still it’s hard for me to get over old ways.”

“I guess you’re going to have to try harder.” She teased with a big smile on her face.

“I guess so,” Buffy replied without a second thought about how big that statement was.

Dawn nodded, satisfied.

Buffy smiled. “When did you get so insightful? Are you sure you’re my teenage kid sister?”

“Haha,” she smirked. “I’ve always been observant. It’s one of the perks of being ignored in a group of people with superpowers. Well, you’re busy with the big picture, I notice the little things.”

Leaving the seriousness behind, they joked the rest of the way to the theater making it to the edge of downtown with time to spare. The main drag was filled to the brim with adults and teenagers ready to find their Halloween fun.

Following a group of twenty-somethings, they made their way to a short line formed at the theater ticket box. Dawn was distracted, telling a funny story about a kid in her chemistry class when Buffy noticed Willow walking down the sidewalk with someone she didn’t recognize.

Dawn raised her hand to get their attention, but Buffy pushed it down. She still felt too raw from the tension with her friends to engage even in small talk right now. She didn’t want the drama tonight. Instead she wanted a quiet evening with her sister, even though she was curious who the guy was.

“Buffy, what…”

Buffy held her index finger to her mouth. Dawn’s eyes rose in question, her arms crossing in defiance. But yet, she stayed quiet. Willow passed by completely engulfed in conversation with a guy with pale skin and blonde hair. Buffy didn’t recognize the man, but something about him felt familiar. Something stirred deep inside. And not in a good way.

The pair passed by unaware of Buffy or Dawn.

Chapter 8

Yellow police tape hung over the cellar door, the plastic illuminated by the dim overhead light covered in dust and spider webs. Spike ignored the warning and ripped open both doors, splintering the wood at the lock. A low hum coming from the upstairs refrigerator vibrated against the rafters in the otherwise silent house.

Spike shifted into gameface. His yellow eyes glowed against the wooden staircase as his heavy booted steps echoed off the walls. By the smell of the place, he expected the site he found on the concrete floor, even though the bodies were taken away the night before. Three chalk outlines sat next to an empty table with discarded electrical cords strung across it draping onto the floor.

Leaning down, he took a deep breath through his nose and inhaled the sweet smell of death. A bitter, rancid smell mixed in the air stinging his nostrils.

"Magic," he scoffed. "Smells like Warren's band of nerds got what they bloody well deserved this time." But there was something more to the aroma than just magic and death. A faint trace of demonic essence lingered.

Spike breathed in deeper.

Peppered with spice and an underlying hint of musk, the smell reminded me him of a voynok demon, but their scent held a flare of smoke. This odor was something else. Something familiar and recent.

His mind formed a list of the demons he'd fought in the past few weeks, checking each one off until he stopped with the demon from last night.

The ender.

Its scent flooded his mind, bringing back the memory of the tentacle demon holding Buffy by each limb consuming her soul like a fine wine.

Luckily, he'd been there to save her. But the whole bloody episode should have never happened in the first place. If he hadn't left her and ran off like a love struck fool, he would have been with her when the demon attacked. He would have protected her and fought the demon on his own. An easy fight for him anyway, since he didn't have a soul to consume.

All too well, he knew how deadly the demon was to her. A true destroyer of something light and pure.

His face twisted with anguish, that night burning deep, penetrating his nerve endings until a roar erupted from his chest, reverberating the windows. He wished he had a neck to snap or a jugular to latch onto, the demon inside screaming for retribution. Instead of the mayhem he desired, he grabbed ahold of a nearby table and threw it against the concrete walls. The wood shattered, breaking into shards putting the vampire in a precarious situation if a piece hit his heart. But he didn't care.

Nothing mattered except for the rage pouring out of him. His body shook as he picked anything within his fingertips. Chairs, shelves, books, even a couch, slammed against the wall until the room looked like a tornado had just blown through. If only he could rip the rafters down along with the rest, the place deserving a special place in hell.

Which gave him an idea. Not the brightest one, but it called to the ear-splitting thunder erupting from his demon. The compulsion was too much, and he couldn't deny it any longer.

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes along with a lighter from his jeans pocket and lit one. He took a deep, shaky draw off the light. The smoke barely relaxed his frazzled nerves before he flicked the cigarette into a pile of old clothes he found in a stray box. The polyester blend ignited quickly spreading to a mangled old navy couch, the fire burning hot against his face.

Tight-lipped, he smiled at the yellow and orange waves, mollified the place would be nothing but rubble come morning. He lit another cigarette, and watched the fire spread along wall sparking the insulation stuffed in the timbers. His duster billowed behind as he turned away from the fire pit, leaving the basement before anyone could notice the smoke and call the fire department.

The moon gleamed in the night sky, teasing him with a peaceful and calm existence battling torrential hail thrashing his unbeating heart. Discovering the source of the demon added to the betrayal and heartbreak after a particular girl decided to ditch him.

At sundown, he'd left his crypt with his eyes set on Revello drive, all too eager to bury his need to see how she was. Hopefully, his move to inform Dawn had kept her calm and forced her to get much-needed sleep. A new day might lead her to realize the consequences of a slayer's death wish, and make sure she never thought of it again.

The thought of one good day sickened him to his core. Nausea burned his useless stomach, his mind jumping to a place he refused to visit, putting Buffy's face on a limp, lifeless body.

Which brought him back to the night before when he left her in Dawn's hands. He'd went to visit his old acquaintance finding the entire street filled with flashing blue and red lights, blocking off all vehicles to the neighborhood. Staying far enough back to remain unseen, he listened. Three bodies were found in the basement with no signs of struggle or trauma. Police believed the men inflicted on themselves a lethal combination of fungi and elixirs found close to their bodies.

Once he was sure Warren was no longer a threat, he retreated to his crypt and believed him and Buffy would check out the place tonight. But he'd been a stupid git and actually believed her. Big surprise she'd changed her mind and stood him up.

Replaying this shit wasn't helping him rein in his anger. Instead, it gnawed at his insecurities, second guessing everything he'd done.

Sirens sounded in the distance as he walked toward the center of town with one thought on his mind.

He was going to find her and figure out what the hell was going on.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An indie band from LA played on the stage, the dance floor full with a mix of high school and college students dressed up in their Halloween garb gyrating to the music. Up above, a witch and a warlock leaned against the railing, ready to test a few things out.

Willow kept pulling at the sleeves of her jean jacket, almost afraid to speak. She hadn't been this nervous since her first day of college.

Jordyn elbowed her, and she turned with a hesitant smile.

"Why the sad face, Red? This isn't a walk to the guillotine, just a simple test." He smirked.

Willow straightened her shoulders and held her head high. "I'm not nervous, just anxious about what this test is. You've been pretty secretive since we met up."

He shrugged. "I needed to see your resolve before we went any further. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Willow nodded.

"Alright then, let's get this party started." He rubbed his hands together and swung his right hand out. Sparks shot out erupting in a quiet explosion of white, pink and green. "Let the games begin."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy and Dawn exited the theater, throwing away an empty bag of popcorn and two soda cups in the trash. The black and white movie feature about a giant gorilla captured and brought to New York City left them feeling saddened, a bit disturbed, and majorly entertained. The perfect combination for scary movie night. Even if they didn't believe the film fit the monster feature title.

"Is it weird that I was pulling for King Kong the entire movie?" Buffy asked.

"No, I was too." Dawn dismissed the comment with the flick of her hand. "He tried to save Ann in the end. I'd say that made him a hero."

"It reminded me of the beauty and the beast plot in a way. Ann was supposed to be invested in men like Jack Driscoll or Carl Denham, but it was the animal she sought out."

Dawn smirked at her.

"What?"

She burst out into a fit of giggles. "I can't believe you don't realize what you just said."

"What? I don't understand," Buffy begged.

"It reminds me of you and Spike."

Rolling her eyes, she swatted her sister's shoulder. "You have got to be kidding. This again."

"Oh no, you brought this on yourself."

"Says you."

A shriek erupted nearby. Both girls turned their attention to the noise, Buffy ready to step into action. She hadn't needed to worry.

"Dawn, is that you?" A girl in bellbottom pants, crop top, and a Farrah Fawcett hairstyle rushed in their direction, her platform shoes clacking against the concrete sidewalk.

"Janice?" Dawn said.

"The one and only!" Janice replied with a smile. Following close behind, a boy with buzzed brown hair spoke in a hushed tone to another boy wearing a baggy jacket and overly gelled hair. Once the brunette locked eyes with Dawn, he smiled at her but remained silent.

Dawn stared at Janice, incredulously. "I can't believe you did it! You totally dressed up as one of Charlie's Angels."

"Oh no, my dear. The Angel. Jill Munroe herself." She giggled.

Buffy watched the teenage exchange take place, at one point rolling her eyes when Janice seemed to want approval of her trendy taste in retro female heroines. If only this girl had an interest in Dorothy Hamill then maybe she might see what Dawn saw in her.

She laughed at herself at the little piece of mom coming out of her, judging her friends while putting on what she hoped was the air of cool.

"We're heading to the Bronze. Do you want to come?" Janice asked excitedly.

"I don't know. Me and Buffy were..."

"Don't worry about it," Buffy waved her off. This was the perfect opportunity to get a move on with patrol, and keep Dawn occupied without an argument. "I have that thing I was going to a bit later anyway. You go ahead with your friends for a while. I'll get it taken care of. Then I'll meet you at the Bronze to walk you home."

Dawn moved away from her friend, shielding them both away from prying eyes. Whispering, she said, "Are you sure? I mean I don't mind to-"

"I'll be okay. Just a quick run around town, and I'll meet up with you. Promise." Plus I can check out Warren's house and see if anything is happening there. No way would I take Dawn with me to that creep's house.

The last bit seemed to please, Dawn's shoulders relaxing and a grin formed on her lips. She turned back to her friends. "Looks like I'm good to go."

"Yay!" Janice said.

With the teenage excitement, Buffy needed to make a few things crystal clear if she was going to trust her sister with a group. Especially since the outing included boys. "Just the Bronze, though. I'll meet you at eleven."

Dawn pouted, then smiled. "Deal. See you at midnight."

"Eleven," she said, sternly.

"Fine."

A wave of apprehension hit Buffy while she watched the group walked away. The two girls spoke animatedly as the boys followed, high-fiving. Did she just allow her little sister to go out on a group date without realizing it? Shit. I was so busy trying to find a way to patrol without pissing off Dawn, that I just gave her permission to party with a boy I've never met. Let alone heard her talk about. God, I suck at this parenting thing.

With it too late to take back her decision, Buffy took off in the opposite direction, deciding to speed through patrol and catch Warren's house on the way back. Maybe if she finished early enough, she could head to the Bronze and watch from a table on the second level. Dawn wouldn't have any idea.

Satisfied with her decision, she cut through a dark alleyway with a row of dumpsters that smelled of soured chicken mixed with sweaty gym socks. The aroma nauseated the buttered popcorn swaying in her stomach, and she quickly exited to an adjacent walkway. Once the smell was far behind, Spike stepped out of the shadows.

"Slayer." His eyes hardened, voice reverberating off the red brick and mortar walls.

She skidded to a halt, rolling her eyes. "And so my night is complete."

"You weren't home."

"Sorry. Kinda busy doing stuff."

"Oh, now I see how it is."

"Good. Then I guess we're done here." Her smile stretched, sickly sweet with an underlying current of spite. She took a step around him, but he moved in front of her blocking her escape.

"What the hell are you doing?" She grumbled.

"What does it look like?"

"Being a pain in my ass."

"Could be much more than that, luv." A sly curl formed on his lips, heat rising in his eyes as they roamed down her body.

Scarlet colored her cheeks, butterflies tickling her stomach as she imagined what those lips and nimble fingers could do to her warm body. A half-lidded smile formed on her face, but she quickly shook it away. Damn it, she was pissed at him. No way was she going to let a lingering gaze and innuendo drop her guard even if he did look yummy. "Again, I ask. What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? Chasing you down." He bit out the last few words with repressed anger, then seemed to control it. "What happened tonight? Went to your house and you were gone. Thought I was supposed to stop by and check in."

She shrugged. "Oh, yeah. Forgot about it."

"Oh, please. You can't expect me to buy that."

With anger as her buffer, she hid that pesky vulnerability that kept nudging out. "That's what I'm selling. Take it or leave it. Matter of fact. How about you just leave."

A deep penetrating laugh escaped his lips. The sound eerily familiar to times before when he once taunted her with threats of bloodshed and death, except now his eyes danced with heated passion. His trademark smirk slid into place, and he flashed in front of her.

"Don't think so." He leaned down, his cool lips brushed against her ear, and he breathed with a harsh whisper. "Not until you answer the sodding question."

A shiver rippled through her shoulders, moving up into her neck frustrating her even more. She had to get away from him. Like now. "You don't deserve one."

She spun her entire body around in a twirl, catching him by surprise with the sweep of her leg and knocked him to the pavement. She leaped over him and ran down the narrow alley refusing to look back, instead focusing on the lit path to freedom.

Right as she was about to turn around the corner a hand grabbed her wrist and shoved her against the brick wall. The concrete dug into her sweater scraping the cotton-blend while his legs wrapped around hers, locking her in place.  She bucked against his grip, struggling for leverage. The movement made him tightened his hold.

Buffy growled in frustration and looked up through the strands of her pink streaked hair. He stood close enough that if he breathed, she could smell his alcohol-laden breath. The only weapon upon her person was tucked away, leaving only her head in a position of power. A quick head-butt would stun him long enough to push him away, but would also give her one hell of a headache. God knew both of them were as hard headed as it came.

Refusing to give up, she summoned her outrage. "Get your damn hands off me."

"Don't think so. Not until you tell me why you're running," he bit out.

She wrestled with his hands, purposely ignoring his question.

"Damn it. Talk to me." His voice broke, pain slipping out between them.

All of the fight in her ceased, and she stopped struggling against him. The sting of his words pulled her gaze up to bright blue orbs shining with pain and confusion. His jaw ticked as he visibly tried to rein in his emotion.

The sight puzzled her.

Only once could she remember Spike looking so sad, so defeated. Then it was Drusilla leaving him. Now it was about her?

Did she really have that much power over him? For the life of her, she never thought what he felt was anything but obsession or a sense of conquest. After all, he'd been known for slayers. How was she any different? Sure, he may not be able to kill her, but that didn't mean he couldn't get to her in another way. Mind games were just as deadly.

Still that wasn't his M.O. Too impatient.

"How could you?" Her voice came out a squeak.

Perplexed, he pulled back. "I don't understand."

"How could you make me trust you, then turn around and tell Dawn? How could you betray me?"

He took an unneeded breath, looking up at the night sky and released it. He leveled his sight with hers, peering into her eyes like he was searching for something. Like he could make her understand with the simple gaze of his eyes.

"I did what I had to," he said, his voice sharp. "Knew I couldn't leave you behind after what I saw in that bloody crypt. So in my place I sent Dawn." Sweeping a strand of hair out of her face, he tucked it behind her ear. The gesture softened his tone. "Didn't mean to tell her. Lil' Bit's too smart not to pick up on the serious. So when she pushed, I told her. Explained to her why it was so important to be with you. The girl's strong enough to handle it."

"That doesn't excuse what you did," she shouted. "You had no right to charge into my home and wake up my little sister and drop my shit on her lap. She is strong. Yeah, I know that. But that doesn't mean that she should have to deal with any of this. She should be carefree like any other teenager."

He snorted. "Too bad, luv. She's the Slayer's sister and the soddin' key. Do you think that comes with a normal upbringing? Don't lie to yourself and give me some bit of it not mattering. You know it does."

"Maybe so but that doesn't mean that I should shove it in her face, and force this on her."

"You're not forcing anything. That girl loves you, looks up to you. She would do anything for you. But while you're making excuses and trying to protect her, she's watching. Noticing everything around her. You aren't foolin' anyone."

The statement embarrassed the self-righteous protector in her before fading into a look of indifference. The look didn't go unnoticed.

"Oh, you didn't realize? Big surprise there. You think you're saving her by hiding the world from her, but all you're doing is making her vulnerable and pushing her away. Is that what you want? To push her away."

"No, but-"

"No excuses. You either do or you don't."

She stiffened, unsure of what to say. If he hadn't confided in Dawn about the fight with the ender, Buffy wouldn't have spilled and told her about the loss of heaven. The guilt of what she was feeling, the thoughts that coursed through her heavy head was not something she wished to share with anyone. It was a burden that she should carry, and her alone.

Spike studied her internal struggle, and a short laugh escaped his lips. He shook his head. "You can't help yourself, can you?"

Worried green eyes stared back at him.

"You're addicted to the misery. It's why you won't talk to your pals or your watcher about where you were. Might actually have to move on with your life, if you did. They'd either step up and make amends and help you through or continue down the River Nile like happy little Scoobies. Either way, you'd be better off. But you're too twisted for that."

He released his hold and took a step back.

"Me? I'm twisted!" Buffy's heart thumped in her chest, her hands shaking.

"If the shoe fits, Cinderella."

"Take a look in the mirror, you idiot." She gasped, and held her hand to her mouth and mocked him with fake shock. "No wait, you can't."

"Don't need one to know who I am, Slayer. Even after the soddin' government shoved a piece of tin in my head, and took away from me everything I was as a vampire. I figured out how to keep my place in the darkness. I learned to adapt.

He flew at her in one swift motion and her breath caught in her throat as he pushed her against the wall.

A fire burned in her belly, spurring her to act in a violent burst of fists and kicks. Her mind thought differently, coherent thought almost impossible once she gazed into the fury and lust radiating from his eyes. A desire to touch his face compelled her forward, a few inches between them.

"Where do you fit in? Are you afraid to give life a chance? Or are you-"

Buffy grabbed his face and crushed her lips into his. A moan escaped her as his hands gripped her hips, roaming dangerously low. It had been so long since she'd felt anything like this, a spark igniting with each caress, each rub. She poured everything she was into the kiss. All the buried bent up frustration flowed out of her, finally making its escape.

His tongue briefly caressed her warm lips, coaxing her until she answered and twined hers around his. Their desire burned with each stroke, her heart pounding in her chest. She pulled away for a moment to pull air into her stinging lungs before plunging back into him with animalist hunger. Everything inside her flickered with lust. Seeking him like a beacon to make everything disappear with his knowing touch.

She took everything he offered, all while knowing she wanted it all along.