"There's nothing."

The air was ripped from her lungs when Giles raised weary and tearfilled eyes from the book.

Buffy stood trembling in the middle of the room, too shocked for tears. She sucked in a harsh breath when her lungs began to burn and she shook her head, not believing the words.

"Don't. Don't say that! There has to be-" The tears finally came and her next words were whispered, "there has to be."

"Do you not think if something was out there that I would know? This is my child, my son! I would know!! I would find it." Giles finally broke down, the thought of losing Spike crippling him.

But there wasn't. It was fatal.

The demon that had attacked him, there was nothing to save him from it's poison.

And it was her fault.

She had distracted him. If only they had been actually patrolling, rather than goofing around and kissing. He never saw it coming, not until it had latched onto his arm.

The demon was dead, but the damage had already been done.

Spike was dying.

Buffy shook her head and held it high.

"I won't accept that. I will find something."

She walked into the bedroom that held her love and walked over to the bed. She sat down beside him and stroked the sweat slickened hair away from his burning forehead. Tears hit his face as Buffy leaned down to place a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Hey, baby."

Her body shook as sobs hit her and she closed her eyes against the tears.

"I'm gon-- I'm gonna save you. Just hold on."

She placed another kiss to his lips and stood up, her body burning with determination. She walked through the living room, passed her friends, and stopped inside the doorway. She spoke without turning around and left into the night.

"I will save him."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy walked into the graveyard and came to the spot where it happened. She stood on it and closed her eyes.

"Whistler!"

She opened her eyes and scanned her surroundings.

"Whistler! I know you can hear me!! Please..."

She closed her eyes only for them to snap back open when she heard his voice.

"Yeah?"

She turned to see him leaning against a monument, his hat over his eyes.

"I need your help. Spike is--"

"Dying."

She tried to control her rapid breathing and nodded her head.

"Please, help me. There has-- Is there anything? Please."

"Sorry, kid. I don't have any answers for you."

The world crumbled out from under her and she hit her knees.

"But I know someone who does."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Buffy looked around the white room, wondering where she was and just how exactly she got there. She started when she heard a voice and searched the room, finding nothing.

"You seek answers."

Buffy still searched the room, but she nodded her head.

"Yes. Please, Spike he's-- he needs help."

"There is nothing known to man that can save your William."

She lifted her chin and stood fearless of the unseen force.

"But your not a man."

The voice was quiet and Buffy was terrified she had lost any chance of saving him.

"What are you willing to sacrifice?"

Buffy's brow furrowed in confusion, before Spike's face drifted through her mind.

"Anything."

"Even your own life?"

She sucked in a breath and her eyes widened.

"What?"

"Are you willing to sacrifice your own life, in place of his?"

"So it's either live without him, or not at all."

Could she live without him? Could she go on without him beside her?

She raised her chin again, and felt the tears as they traveled from her cheeks, down her neck.

"I'd rather die than spend one moment in a world that didn't have him in it."

"This is your choice? To give your life in place of his?"

"It is."

"Then so be it."

Buffy stood trembling and wiped her eyes, making a last request.

"Please. Can I-- can I say goodbye first?"

She never got an answer.

When she opened her eyes, she was standing in front of Giles' front door. She opened the door and made her way inside, passing the others as they sat solemnly in the living room.

She walked in the bedroom and released a ragged breath, walking toward the bed. She started crying when he opened his eyes as she sat down.

"Buffy?"

She stroked his cheek and gave him a tearful smile.

"Hey, baby."

He looked around the room and back at her.

"What happened? I thought- I thought there was nothing to be done?"

Buffy covered his lips with trembling fingers and stared longingly at his face.

"Don't worry about it right now."

She saw his eyes widen and knew he must have caught on. His breathing quickened and fear crept into his eyes. He pulled her hand away from his lips, holding it in a vice grip. His voice shook and his lips trembled with fear.

"What did you do?"

And he knew.

He knew the second her eyes met his.

"No. No, Buffy. No..."

He started crying and he shook his head, his body shaking with sobs. She turned his face back toward her and tried to get his attention.

"Spike, listen to me. I did what I had to do."

He looked at her, grasping her hands with his.

"Why?"

She stroked his face and gave him another tearful smile.

"Because I can't live without you."

He squeezed her hand and was overcome with pain and grief. His voice rose and sat up in the bed, gripping her shoulders.

"And what about me? What am I supposed to do wit-- without you?!"

"I'm sorry. I'm selfish. But I can't live without you. I'm sorry."

He fell back into the bed and brought her with him, squeezing her as tight as he could.

"How- how long?"

She brought her forehead to rest against his.

"Not long."

Her tears fell onto his face and mixed with his.

"I love you, Spike." He let out a raspy sob, holding her closer to him. "And this, this is only the beginning. 'Cause I'm gonna love you through eternity. I'll never stop and I'll never leave you, do you hear me? Never."

He nodded his head bringing her lips to his.

"I love you, Buffy. I love you, please- please don't leave me."

"I have to. This is my destiny." She stroked his cheek. "You are my destiny."

Her body stiffened and she could feel it pulling at her.

"I love you, Spike. Never forget it."

He sobbed as he felt her slipping away from him.

"I won't. I can't. I love you so much, Buffy."

She looked into his eyes and leaned down to kiss him again, using her last breath.

"I love you."

He felt her last breath hit his lips as she uttered her last words, and he clutched her to him, a mournful wail passing his lips.

The others ran into the room and watched as he held her body, tears falling from his eyes and flowing down her cheeks.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: This short little ficlet popped in my head and wouldn't go away. Hope you enjoy it. ~Hannah

~*Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe*~





The path was worn as black boots walked along it.

He stopped in his tracks as the gravestone came into view. He came everyday and still it twisted his heart to see her tombstone. He sat down and layed the rose in front of him. He would put it into the vase before he left, the vase that held one hundred and forty other red roses.

He sat there with his eyes closed until he felt it.

The soft breeze tickling at face.

He smiled and opened his eyes, tears making their way down his face.

"Hey, love."

He let out a ragged breath and nodded his head.

"I miss you, Buffy. But you know that, I tell you everyday. "




~*That when you die your life goes on
It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I’m right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe*~



He traced her name on the cold stone and then layed his cheek against it.
He listened as the leaves crunched beneath their shoes.
They followed him. And he knew it.
Did they honestly think he was going to kill himself? Did they think he would take his own life after Buffy had gave her's to save it?
They're the crazy ones. Not him.
But they couldn't see.
They didn't know why he talked to Buffy all the time.
Because she's there.
He talks to her and she listens, because she promised him.
*And this, this is only the beginning. 'Cause I'm gonna love you through eternity. I'll never stop and I'll never leave you, do you hear me? Never.*
And he knows that she's there, he can feel her.
He can feel her love.


~*Forever, you’re a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I’ll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don’t see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
‘Cause I believe
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe *~


"I love you, Buffy." He laughed as the soft wind caressed his face. "So much, pet. You'll never know."
His laughs trailed into tears and he fisted his hands in the soft earth keeping her from him.
"I need you. Maybe I am crazy. Because I don't know how to go on. Not without you."
His fingers dug into the dirt and he clenched his teeth, his voice overcome by sobs.
"Come back. Please!! Come back to me! I need you, I need you here, walking beside me! I need to see you, to hold you. Please..."
His body shook with sobs and his mournful cries echoed in the cemetary.
The wind licked at his face and chilled the tears tracks on his face. He nodded his head and layed down above her, his ear against the ground.
"I love you too."


~*Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again and I believe*~

~*A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same *~



Giles pulled the shower curtain open and turned off the cold water that was pouring down onto his shivering son. The water was hitting his body, but his face was just as wet.

He pulled Spike up and wrapped a towel around his shoulders, trying to warm him.

"Will."

He just sat there, almost comatose if not for the tears streaming from his eyes.

"William."

Spike looked over at him and Giles wanted to cry when lifeless blue eyes regarded him.

"Don't." His mouth closed and he nodded his head. "There's nothing you can say to make it better, so don't even try."

"It will get easier."

Spike laughs were laced with sobs as he looked at his father.

"No. It won't." He looked straight ahead at nothing. "The rest of my life will pass and I will never again be happy. Not without her."

"Do you think she would want this? For you t--"

Giles sucked in a breath at the rage and fire that filled the once dead eyes.

"Do you think I wanted her to die?"

He stood and took the towel from his father, drying himself as he walked mindlessly into his bedroom. He layed down on his bed and curled around his pillow, pretending it was her and willing sleep to come, so he could be with her again.



~*All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.*~





He fought it with all his strength, but he could feel the dawn coming.


So he looked at her face one last time, before it faded into the soft white of his bedroom wall. He lay in bed and heard the birds singing, and wanted to kill them.


How dare they be happy? How could they sing when the world was deprived of her? When he was deprived of her.


"Good morning, my love."


He curled himself around the pillow again, clutching it to him as he wept.


~~~~~~~~


He walked into the library and regarded his friends that sat at the large table. He didn't return their smiles and they didn't expect him too.


Kendra and Giles walked into the main room from the office and relayed the latest events in slaying.


Spike couldn't help but have a sense of hatred toward the dark slayer.


She had taken Her place. She didn't belong here.


He never listened to what they said, they just pointed him to what to kill. He didn't have any special strength, and he didn't need any.


Because he took out his pain and his loss on the demon population. They feared him as much as they did the slayer.


He was fueled by a pain that was never ending. He was fueled by grief.






~*Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love*~




"One Hundred Forty-Seven."


The rose was placed in the vase and he swep away the leaves that littered the ground around her grave.


"Hello, love."


He waited for the soft breeze, but it never came. No stars were shining and the night was quiet.


But he knew she was there.


"I love you."


He ran his hand across her name and traced it, just as he did every night.


"How I long to see you. See your smile, hear your laugh. I ache for it." He whispered into the night, his voice strained with tears.


"I can't do it without you. Come- come back to me, Buffy. I need you more than they do." He looked towards the Heavens.


He brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, his body rocking back and forth with sobs.


"Please...please, God. Give her back to me..."

~*The first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew
We'd spend this life side by side
I still feel the same though you're so far away
I swear that you'll always be my,
Forever Love...*~




"Son, please don't act like this. The new slayer will be here at any moment."


And of course those words just made Spike even madder.


"Do I have to tell you how much I hate this?"


Giles sighed and pulled his glasses away to clean them.


"No, you don't."


"I don't even know why I have to be here, I mean, just because you--" His words trailed into silence, when the library doors opened and an angel walked through them.


He couldn't think and he couldn't breath, but his heart was singing in his chest.


And somehow he knew.


He knew that this girl would be his future.


His hands trembled as she walked in front of him and his knees nearly buckled when she smiled.


"Hi."


He couldn't say anything, he just stood there staring at her.


"I'm Buffy."


Giles walked back into the room and gave Buffy a smile.


"Ms. Summers, how nice to meet you. I'm Rupert Giles and this is my son William."


She blushed when he was still awestruck and allowed Giles to lead her toward his office.


Spike snapped out of his stare when she passed and he turned around, following her with his eyes. She turned back toward him and gave him another smile and this time he returned it.


Sunnydale was getting better and better.




~*Minutes and hours and years may go by
But my heart knows nothing of time...*~





"Spike."


He woke with a start and his eyes searched for Buffy. He looked around the library and when he finally looked at Xander, he knew the moment their eyes met.


It was a dream.


"Spike, we're gonna head over to the Bronze, wanna come with?"


He didn't look up as he shook his head and Xander nodded, slowly walking away. He stopped inside the doors, and spoke without facing Spike.


"You know, she didn't give her life for yours, just for you to do this. She died so you could live."


Spike clenched his fists together and stared at the table, the words cutting into him.


"And just so you know," Xander turned his head and looked at him. "You're not the only one she left behind."


The doors closed and Spike jumped to his feet, knocking over his chair. He grabbed the closest weapon to him and headed for the cemetary.


No, he wasn't the only one.


But he was the reason she's gone.






~*Love is the road to our destiny
Nothing can change what's meant to be...*~





"Cordy, I just...I don't know, I just want to shake him sometimes. She died for him to live, not sit around and mope. I miss her too, God, do I miss her, but if she died for me, then--"


"You don't even get it do you? You just said the words, but you don't understand them. She died for him. And he knows that, he lives with it everyday. Knowing that she took his place, that it should have been him."


Understanding dawned on him and Xander looked around the table, tears coming to his eyes.


"He thinks it's his fault, doesn't he?" They nodded their heads.


"And not to mention the fact that he loves her. He's lost the woman he loves, to something that was meant for him."


Willow shook her head and peered at her friends through tear filled eyes.


"I don't know. Buffy chose to die for him, for love. Maybe that was her destiny."


"I don't know either. But I have to find him, I need to talk to him, make sure he's okay."





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



They found him at her grave. He was holding onto her tombstone as he wept.


Xander knelt beside him and pulled him into a tight embrace, tears of his own soaking Spike's hair.


"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Spike."


Spike held onto him as he shook and soon Willow, Cordelia and Oz, were wrapped around them as well.


Their tears poured onto her grave as the wind blew around them.

Rain started pouring down onto them and lightning flashed in the sky.


They all stood to their feet, except for Spike. He stayed on his knees and looked up at the sky.


"Oh, now you wanna put on a show? Huh? You wanna put on a real show? Bring her back to me!"


He stood on his feet and yelled at the angry sky, tears mingling with raindrops on his face.


"Did you hear me? Give her back!!!"


Lightning lit up the sky and thunder rolled so hard it shook the gravestones.


The rain was torrential and the wind was howling as they tried to calm him down.


"Please...I need her more than you do."


His voice was a whisper and no one heard his silent plea, except for the wind.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



They ran into Giles' apartment soaked to the bone, even though the rain had stopped as they fled the graveyard.


Giles was at the bar and looked up from the book that lay in front of him.


"Good Lord, what happened to you?"


They all stopped trying to dry off and looked at him as if he had grown two heads.


"Uh, maybe that freak storm?" Cordelia said.


Giles brow furrowed even more as he regarded them.


"What on earth are you talking about?"


"The storm." Willow looked around at the others.


"There hasn't been any storm."


"Okay, Giles are you drinking some "magic" tea, now? There was a huge storm, with lightning and thunder and rain. Any of this ringing a bell?" Xander asked as he looked around for a bottle of liquer that Giles must have been drinking.


"I can assure you, there has been no storm. Look outside, it's as dry as a bone."


They all looked out the door at the dry grass and cement.


"But, we were there. There was lightning and thunder-- Giles, the trees shook because the thunder was so loud." Xander was beginning to get more freaked by the second.


Giles could feel his hackles rising. Something was definitely not right.


"Where were you when this happened?"


"In the cemetary."


Giles nodded his head and took in the information.


"Well, I guess we have no choice but to research it."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



They walked into the library and stopped in their tracks, someone had beaten them there.


A woman was standing close to the table, her back was to them and she stood as still as the night.


Her hair was long and curled at the ends, nearly reaching her waist. But what was the strangest, was the gown she was wearing. It was white and it flowed around her feet, settling on the floor.


"Wow, where's the wedding?" Xander whispered as he took in the small woman.


Giles scrunched his brow, something was eerily familiar about her.


"Can I help you, miss?"


She turned to face them and it was as if the air had been sucked from the room. Sparkling green eyes twinkled and a small smile adorned the pouty lips.


Spike walked through the double doors and straight into Xander.


"What the bloody hell is wrong with yo-"


The words died on his lips and his eyes were wide as his knees hit the floor.


"Buffy?"

"Buffy?"


He couldn't move. He didn't trust his legs.


But most of all, he didn't trust his eyes.


Tears fell at the thought of this being another dream, of waking up again with her on his mind, but not in his arms.


Please...Please don't let me be dreaming.


She was beautiful, an angel. His angel. She walked toward him with her own tears trailing down her face.


He didn't blink and he didn't breath, afraid that any movement might cause him to wake up.


She came to a stop in front of him and he could feel the heat from her body.


"Hello, my love." She reached out and caressed his face.


When her hand touched his face, the dam broke. He pulled her to him and cried his joy into her stomach, the beautiful gown shining with his tears. She fell to her knees and cupped his face in her hands. He ran his hands over he body, assuring himself that she was really here, that she was really in his arms.


"Buffy. Oh God, Buffy. I love you. I love you so much!"


She smiled and pulled him to her for a kiss that mended his broken heart.


"I love you, William."


He pulled her to him and held her as he sobbed, his words spilling into her hair.


"Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, God...."



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



It was almost midnight as they made their way into the cemetary.


Spike held Buffy close to his side and never took his eyes from her face. He didn't need to watch where he was going, he knew this path by heart.


They came to a stop in front of the tombstone and Buffy pulled away to kneel in front of it. Spike sat down behind her, and pulled her onto his lap.


"So this is it, huh?" Buffy asked as she traced the headstone.


"Yeah." He buried his face in her hair and sent another thanks above.


"How am I here, Spike?"


He shook his head and took a deep breath.


"I don't know, pet. Miracle, I suppose."


"It was like I just went to sleep. I remember kissing you and then there was nothing. Nothing but you."


He gave her a strange look and she continued.


"It was like I was dreaming of you, of things we had done and said. And then I was standing in the library. In this weird dress."


She looked down at the dress that was covered by Spike's duster.


"My miracle."


She smiled and turned to give him a sweet kiss. She turned back and looked at the cold marble, noticing the large vase of roses. She ran her hands through them, some were so wilted they were hardly even there.


"Wow, there are so many."


"On Hundred and Forty-Eight. One for every day you were gone."


Spike sat there a moment before leaning forward and plucking the most vibrant rose from the vase, handing it to her.


"What are you doing?"


He pulled her to him for a kiss and gave her a teary smile.


"Today doesn't count, does it?"







The End