A/N Okay, based on the difference of the number of reviews between "Fire and Ice" and "Secrets of the Heart" I've decided that angsty stories are my strong suit. So, I hope you like it!


Prologue


“Giles, I’m pregnant.”

The words were out of Buffy’s mouth before she had a chance to think
about them, leaving a stunned Rupert Giles in their wake. Slowly, he removed
his glasses and began vigorously rubbing the lenses. “Buffy…I’m afraid I
have to ask this…”

“Yes…it’s his, Giles.”

“Does he know?”

“No. And he’s not going to-“

“Buffy, it’s his child, too. He has a right to know about it.”

“I’ll tell him, just not now. Right now, this baby is in my body. He
doesn’t need to worry about it. I just thought I should tell you you’re
going to be a grandpa.”

“I appreciate that sentiment, but don’t you think he’s going to figure
it out when you start showing?”

“That’s another reason that I’m here. I’m quitting.”

“Buffy, you’ve been working at the Magic Box for the past two years.
You have a baby on the way- I can’t let you quit.”

“I have another job lined up, Giles. I just…I just can’t work here with him coming in all the time. He doesn’t love me the way that he used to, and it’s just too hard.”

“Buffy, I’ve been arranging that you don’t work the same shifts. I
know it’s hard facing him sometimes, but-“

“Giles, he has a new life now. He doesn’t need me in it.”

“Buffy, that’s not true, and you know it. He obviously still cares
about you-“

Buffy sighed. “To some extent, yes, I know. I also know that he never
even looks at me anymore. He has a new job that and I
know he’s still going to work nights for a while, so the best thing is a
clean break. I just need to get away from here, and that has nothing to do
with you. I love this job, but I can’t be here anymore.”

Buffy got up to leave. As she got to the door of the office, she could
hear Giles’ quietly uttered question. “Do you still love him?”

Buffy turned to face him with tears in her eyes. “I never stopped.”


Chapter 1


2 Years Ago


Buffy Summers dusted shelves in the Magic Box her first day on the job.
Her mother had been lecturing her for the past six months that a senior in
high school should learn a little responsibility. Buffy was now in her
final semester and had gotten the job in Mr. Giles’ store because her mom
announced she was cutting off her allowance. Buffy was none too thrilled,
but she realized it could be worse. It was just a few hours after school
and a shift on Saturdays. There were most definitely worse things.

She finished dusting her section of shelves in the upper level of the
store when she heard the bell above the door chime. Looking over the railing,
she saw William ‘Spike’ Giles walk in. Spike was a few years older than
Buffy. He had been a senior at Sunnydale when Buffy transferred from Los
Angeles more than halfway through her sophomore year.

Spike was a notorious womanizer, but much to Buffy’s frustration, had
never given her the time of day, leading to resentment on her part. Buffy
realized that was probably a good thing- she really wasn’t into the love ‘em
and leave ‘em type. There was just something about Spike that seemed
to draw her in. She never seemed to be able to talk to him whenever he
was in close proximity.

‘But that was almost two years ago,’ Buffy thought. ‘Maybe you’ve
grown a backbone since then, Summers.’ She felt the blush rise in her cheeks
as Spike glanced up to her and then continued talking to his father. ‘Maybe
not. Besides, he’s a first class snob who has never even smiled at
you. Don’t fall for him now.’

Buffy sighed and descended to the lower level, which was no easy task
since she had chosen to wear a short gray skirt and tank top today. Reaching
the floor, Buffy turned and made her way to the back of the store to help
her friend Willow with inventory. Willow was the one to give Buffy a good
recommendation to Mr. Giles and get her the job there. Buffy was grateful
that she wouldn’t have to be flipping raw meat on a grill to earn a few
bucks an hour.

Stepping around the crates, Buffy saw the perky redhead sitting on the
floor, surrounded by papers and forms.

“Hey, Wills! Whatcha doin’?”

“Hi, Buff. I’m trying to sort out these documents. The shipping company
sent us double the order of eye of newt and completely left out the crystal
balls.” Buffy raised an eyebrow at her friend as Willow continued, “I
know, I know. Crystal balls aren’t exactly the type of thing that we do, but
they do sell to a lot of beginners. Anyway, how’s your first day going?”

“So far, so good. Nothing strenuous or gross, just a little sweeping
and dusting. Giles said he’d show me how to work the cash register
tomorrow.”

“That’s great, Buffy. It’s really easy, too. So no exciting customers
out there?”

“Not really,” Buffy said, sitting down on a nearby crate. “Giles’ son
is out there. Didn’t look at me twice, though. What else is new,” she
mumbled.

Willow frowned at the sad note in her friend’s voice. “Buffy, don’t act
like that. You’re a completely different person than you were two years
ago. I mean, he probably didn’t even recognize you, what with the blonde hair
and the tighter clothes.”

“Thanks, Will, way to perk me right up,” Buffy said with a half-smile.

“You know what I mean. It’s just you look so different these days, and
hey, you’re eighteen now. At least it’s not jail bait anymore.”

Buffy laughed along with her friend. “Yeah, I guess. Besides, he
hasn’t changed at all, and I bet he’s still the same ‘use them and lose them’
kind of guy. I don’t need to be with someone like that…right?”

“Absolutely,” Willow agreed with a firm nod.

“But he’s just so cute!” Buffy cried as she put her head in her hands in
exasperation. “And infuriating,” she mumbled into her hands.

Willow smiled. “You’ll find a great guy, Buff.”

“Easy for you to say,” she said, raising her head to look at her friend.
“You found Oz. I think he’s the pick of the litter.”

“That he is, but he’s so not your type, Buffy.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just getting all mopey. I mean, look at me, I’m
eighteen years old, and I’ve never even had a serious boyfriend.”

“There’s always Xander,” Willow offered helpfully.

Buffy gave her a look. “Wills, you know Xand is a friend, and that’s
all. There’s just nothing there between us.”

“How do you know if you’ve never even tried? He’s dropping by after
work today- maybe you should see if he wants to go to a movie or something.”

“Willow, you’re not trying to play matchmaker, are you?” Buffy asked
with an accusing stare.

“Me?” she asked with faux innocence. “Of course not.”

Buffy let her eyes trail over the room as she thought of what Willow
had said. Slowly, her eyes fell back to Willow as she shrugged. “What the
heck, it’s not like I have to marry him. I guess I never have given Xand a
fair chance.”

”That’s great, since you did shoot him down for the Spring Fling.”

“That was almost two years ago. I can’t believe you’re still using that
against me!”

“Sorry, it’s just that he was so heartbroken.”

“Okay, maybe I won’t ask him out. I don’t want him to think I’m leading him
on or something.”

“Buffy, just do it. Go as friends and see if it leads anywhere.”

“But Willow-“

“Resolve face,” Willow said, pointing to her stern look.

“Okay, I guess I can do that. It’s better than sitting around, feeling sorry
for myself.”

“Yay! Now, he’ll be here any minute. Go out there and ask him when he
gets here,” Willow said, gesturing toward the door.

Buffy sighed and nodded. ‘Well, at least I can have fun with my friend
tonight. And while I’m waiting, no one ever said I couldn’t admire the
hottie talking to his dad,’ Buffy thought with a smile as she walked
out of the room. ‘Even if he is a first-class jerk.’


A/N Despite what the prologue suggests, neither Buffy nor Spike cheated on the other! So, rest assured and please review!

Chapter 2


Buffy walked out of the back room and glanced around the visible area
of the store. Spike was nowhere to be seen. Hearing a noise closer to the
front of the store, Buffy made her way over to it. Walking past the shelves
to her right, she saw Giles handing some of the heavier objects to Spike,
who was balancing on a ladder next to the door, displaying them on some of the
higher shelves.

“Ah, Buffy,” Giles said with a smile. “You’re settling in well, I hope.”

“Yes, I am. And thanks again, Giles, for letting me work here.”

“It’s not a problem, Buffy. Oh, by the way, have you met my son, William?”
he asked, gesturing to the bleach-blonde on the ladder.

Before Buffy could respond, she heard a growl as Spike heaved the last
object onto the top shelf. “It’s Spike!” he said as he jumped to the
floor and gave Buffy a look. “Don’t I know you?”

“We went to school together,” she said.

Spike narrowed his eyes and tilted his head at her. “You’re younger. I
guess that’s why I don’t remember you.”

Buffy felt resentment course through her at his callous words. She
watched as Giles made his way to the back of the store before responding.
“Yeah, I was a sophomore when you were a senior. Transferred in with only a few
months left,” she said, feeling her courage come back to her. “Honestly, I
didn’t really expect you to remember me, considering you were too busy
trying to sleep with half the senior girls.”

Spike continued to watch her in slight admiration as she stared back
into his sapphire eyes. Buffy saw the beginning of a smirk on his face
before the door opened behind him. Buffy gave Xander a bright smile as he
came in the store. “Hi, Xand!” she said happily as she went to stand next to
him. She hid a smile as Spike glared at her friend before remembering Willow’s
advice. “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie tonight?”

“Sure thing, Buffster. Is Willow going?”

“Nope, just you and me.”

Buffy had to restrain herself from jumping up and down at the look of
jealousy on Spike’s face. ‘You don’t want him, Buffy,’ that little
inner voice said to her. ‘But it is nice to be noticed for a change.’

“Sounds great, Buff. What time do you get off?”

“Actually, Buffy, you can go ahead and take off for the day,” Giles called out.

“Thanks, Giles!” Buffy said brightly. “Just let me grab my jacket, and we
can be off, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

Buffy made her way to the back of the room, hearing the clanging of the
ladder being taken down as she went. Clocking out in the office, Buffy
grabbed her coat off the hook just as Spike walked in, blocking the
door. Buffy tried to make her way around him, but he stayed where he was,
leaning casually with his arms crossed over his chest. “Excuse me,” Buffy said
with as much courtesy as she could muster. When all Spike did was raise an
eyebrow at her and smirk, Buffy crossed her own arms over her chest.
“Don’t you have a ladder to put away or something?”

Spike smiled. “It’s fine where it is, luv.”

“And where’s that? Outside the door?”

“As a matter of fact-“

“That’s great. Now, if you’ll let me get by, I have a date.”

Spike’s smile fell as he stared at the girl in front of him. “What, with the
whelp out there? Yeah, you’ll have a grand ole time with him, pet.”

“I didn’t ask you,” she replied casually.

“So, if you’re going on a date with him, where does that leave us?”

“There’s an us?” Buffy asked, seemingly shocked. “You didn’t even know my
name until five minutes ago, and now there’s an us?”

Spike smirked again. “Not yet, but I was kind of hoping we’d see where the
evening takes us.”

Buffy was thrilled at his words until the memory of Spike’s reputation came
back to her full force. She realized that he had probably never heard the
word ‘no’ in his life, and Buffy Summers was just the person who needed
to give him a reality check.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I already have plans,” she said as she pushed
past him. “And besides,” she said as she passed him. “You’re really not my
type.” Spike stood in shock as she sent a saucy smile over her shoulder.
“Nice meeting you, William.”

Spike stared after her as she headed to the front of the store. Without a
look back at him, Buffy called a good-bye to Giles as she grabbed the boy’s
arm and headed out the door. Spike watched until the door shut behind her
before smirking. “So, kitten wants to play? Well, we’ll play.”

Chapter 3


Buffy and Xander made their way through the rows of seats in the movie
theater. Finding two together, they sat down and began settling in just as
the preview slides began on the screen. After a few minutes, Buffy felt
Xander’s arm come to rest on the back of her seat. Stiffening slightly at
the more intimate contact, Buffy forced her body to relax as she watched the
previews. She suddenly squinted as a flashlight was shining in her face.

“Are you Buffy Summers?” the usher asked.

At Buffy’s nod, he continued. “You’re wanted in the lobby.”

The young man turned around and walked away, leaving a perplexed Buffy
behind.

“Do you want me to go with you, Buff?” Xander whispered.

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “I’ll be right back.”

As Buffy made her way to the lobby, she was suddenly grabbed and pulled
into a darkened hallway. Before a scream could leave her throat, a hand was
clamped over her mouth. “It’s just me, luv,” the familiar voice said, letting go of her.

Buffy gasped for air as she tried to slow her accelerated heartbeat
before getting angry. “You know, you could have just waited out in a nice
bright area and not lurk in the shadows like some creature of the night.”

Spike smiled at her description. “I wasn’t lurking, I was waiting.”

“And the difference is?”

“That’s not important,” Spike said dismissively, waving his hand.

“Then why are you attempting to kidnap me?”

“Just wanted to ask you a question, luv.”

“Okay…”

“Go to the Bronze with me tonight.”

“That wasn’t a question- that was a request, and I can’t believe you’re
even here! I’m here with another guy!”

“That ponce doesn’t know what to do with a girl like you,” he said,
looking her up and down and moving closer to her.

“And what kind of girl would I be, Spike?” she asked, crossing her arms
over chest angrily.

“The kind who needs a big, strong man to look after her,” Spike said with a
smile.

This didn’t make Buffy any happier. “Yeah, it’s too bad there’s not one
of those around here.”

Buffy turned to make her way back to her movie when she felt Spike’s hand on
her arm. “What about tomorrow?”

Buffy felt her heart flutter at the request but kept her resolve face in place. “No.”

Spike seemed taken aback by her answer as she pulled free of him and
headed back into the theater. “You know, luv,” he called after her. “The
more you resist, the more it’ll make me want you.”

Buffy felt a shiver go up her spine at his words but refused to give him
the satisfaction of turning around. Spike smiled at her back as he bit
his lip and watched her go. This one was definitely going to be worth the
extra effort.

* * * * *

Spike made sure he was at the Magic Box the next day at the end of Buffy’s
shift. As Buffy left the store, she groaned at the sight of Spike leaning
against the side of his vintage black Desoto.

Spike merely smiled at her. “Why don’t you like me, Summers?”

“I think the better question would be, why do you like me all of a sudden?”
she retorted as she walked past him.

Spike met her stride and walked with her as she headed home. “Because
you challenge me, pet.”

“Challenge you?” Buffy asked as she raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t
you mean I’m the first girl to turn you down?”

“Well, that, too.”

“At least you’re honest.”

“I can be a lot more things than honest, luv,” he replied in a seductive voice.

Buffy merely rolled her eyes. “Spike, I told you, you’re not my type.”

“You know what I think, Summers?” Spike turned around and began walking
backwards, facing her. “I think you’re scared of me.”

“Not a chance.”

“Yep,” Spike said, turning to walk straight again. “You’re scared that
you’ll actually like me and you’ll lose control.” When Buffy didn’t
say anything, Spike smiled. “That’s what I thought.”

“No, you know what, Spike?” Buffy said angrily, turning to face him.
“Maybe I do think that, but if you’re so interested to know what I think, then
I’ll tell you. I think you’ll get what you want out of the relationship, and
then you’ll do what you always do. You’ll leave. I don’t want to be
with somebody who only wants me for one thing.” Buffy turned and left a
stunned Spike standing behind her as she walked the rest of the way home.

* * * * *

Buffy sat on the couch later that night, watching an old movie on TV.
She had decided to forego a night out with her friends in favor of her comfy
jeans and “Casablanca.” She had been looking forward to spending some
long overdue quality time with her mother until Joyce had announced she was
leaving for Los Angeles for the weekend, and Buffy was once again alone.
Buffy sighed when the doorbell rang and slowly got up from her place on the
couch. When she opened the door, she had to suppress a groan as she
looked at Spike, standing on her porch.

Spike stared at the girl in front of him and felt his heart skip a beat.
Dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a black sweater, she looked
beautiful with her golden hair framing her face.

“What do you want, Spike?” she asked in a drained voice.

“I come bearing gifts,” Spike said, holding out a plastic bag. “Or, more
accurately, a peace offering.”

“A peace offering for what?” Buffy asked.

Spike looked down sheepishly before raising his eyes to meet hers. “To
let you know that I’m not interested in you for only one thing.”

Buffy looked at him skeptically as he handed her the bag. She smiled
as she looked inside. “You know you’re not going to get laid just because you
brought me ice cream. Even if it is cookie dough.”

Spike smiled at her. “Never crossed my mind, luv.”

Buffy stepped back and gave him a smile, her resolve gone. “Come in,
Spike.”

Spike gave her a grateful look as he crossed over the threshold,
following her into the kitchen. “Nice house, pet.”

“It’s okay.”

“Something wrong, luv?”

“No, I’m fine,” Buffy said unconvincingly, shaking her head as she
pulled two spoons out of the drawer and began to walk back into the living
room.

Spike stepped in front of her before she made her escape. “I’m not buying it.”

Buffy sighed as she looked into his eyes. “I just feel lonely, I guess.”

“Well…I’m here now. Not alone anymore.”

Buffy smiled as he tried to cheer her up. “That’s true. Thank you, Spike.”

Spike returned the smile before stepping out of her way and following
her into the living room. Once they were situated on the couch, sharing
the tub of ice cream, Spike looked over at her. “Can I ask you a question,
luv?”

“Sure,” she said around a spoonful of cookie dough.

“Do you really think I just use women?” Spike asked as he stared down
at the ice cream.

Buffy swallowed and started to feel bad for what she had said to him
earlier. “I honestly don’t know, Spike. I mean, that’s just your
reputation, and I guess I’ve let myself believe it over the years.”
Spike nodded as she continued. “So, can I ask you a question?”

“Anything, luv.”

“Is it true?”

Spike stared down at his lap for a moment, contemplating his answer.
“It used to be,” he said quietly.

“Used to be?”

He looked up and met her eyes. “When I was a junior in high school, I
was dating a girl that I thought I was in love with. I found out she was
cheating on me throughout our entire relationship, and it tore me up
inside. So, yeah, for a while there, I just used girls the way I felt like I was
used.”

“And now?”

“I don’t know. I’m still not perfect, pet. Guess I never will be…and
I’m not going to lie to you. When I saw you yesterday, getting you into my
bed was one of the first thoughts in my mind.” Buffy blushed at the statement.
“But, I also wanted to know you. No one’s ever been completely honest
with me the way you have. You definitely got my attention.”

Buffy smiled as she stabbed at the ice cream. “I’m still not going to jump
into bed with you.”

“Good.” Buffy’s head shot up, a pained look on her face. Spike saw
the look and shook his head. “I just mean, I’m glad you would wait. Makes
it more special.”

Buffy nodded, still feeling slightly uneasy with the way he’d agreed with
her but decided to ignore it. “Can we start over?” she asked timidly.

Spike smiled. “I’d like that, luv.”

Buffy held out her hand. “Buffy Summers, senior at Sunnydale High.”

Spike laughed and shook the outstretched hand. “Spike Giles, sophomore
at UCSunnydale.”

“Nice to meet you,” Buffy said with a dazzling smile.

“You, too.”

Buffy and Spike, once again, began to dig into their snack when the
phone rang. Buffy went to answer it, and Spike frowned at the conversation
that he picked up on.

“No, it’s okay…I really understand…yeah, it’s not a problem. Okay, I
love you, too…bye.”

Spike watched as Buffy trudged back to the couch, a distant expression
on her face.

“Something wrong, luv?”

Buffy shook her head. “No, just my mom.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“She’s just going to be gone for the rest of the week. No big deal,”
she said with a half-hearted shrug.

“This happens a lot?” he asked softly.

Buffy shrugged again as she pushed the ice cream away from her. “It
could be worse.”

“You miss her,” Spike said.

Buffy nodded. “A lot.”

“I know what’ll cheer you up.” Buffy looked at him expectantly as he
continued. “Movie night. Tomorrow, we’ll do the whole night with the
works- popcorn, cheesy horror and teen movies, your friends over here.”

Buffy brightened. “You’d really want to hang out with a bunch of high
school kids?”

“I really want to hang out with you,” he said softly.

Buffy blushed at the compliment, biting her lip in a way Spike found
endearing. “You’re on! You bring the popcorn.”

Spike laughed at her sudden bossiness. “That I can do, pet.” Standing
up, Buffy gave him a pouty look. “Sorry, luv, but I better be going. I
told my dad I was going to stop by tonight.”

“That’s sweet,” Buffy said, getting up with a smile.

“What’s that, luv?”

“Well, it’s just, you’re twenty years old, and you still worry about making
your dad worried when he doesn’t know where you are. It’s cute.”

“It is bloody well not cute!” Spike exclaimed indignantly, which only
served to make Buffy giggle.

“Sorry,” Buffy said, getting her laughter under control. “You’re right,”
she continued with a stern look. “It’s not cute, it’s manly. Very,
very manly,” she finished with a firm nod.

Spike laughed at her attempt to appease him. “Okay, if you say it’s
cute, I’ll let you get away with it. But only you,” he said, pointing a
finger at her.

Buffy nodded as she walked him to the door. “Thanks for the peace offering,
Spike. It really does mean a lot.”

Spike smiled as he opened the door. “Not a problem, pet. Friends then?”

“Friends,” Buffy agreed with a smile. Spike returned the smile as he turned to walk away.

“Spike,” Buffy called out to him as he stepped onto the porch. He
turned to look at her questioningly as she stepped outside with him. “Thank
you,” she whispered as she pulled him down to leave a soft kiss on his cheek.

Spike felt the heat rise to his face as he looked down at her. “What was
that for, luv?”

Buffy smiled shyly. “For being here when I needed someone. And for
planning Movie Night tomorrow.”

Spike nodded as he took her hand in his and left a gentle kiss on the
top of it. “My pleasure, Buffy.”

Chapter 4


The following night, Buffy and Willow were laughing at something Xander
had said when the doorbell rang. Buffy jumped up to answer it, swinging
it open to reveal Spike holding a box of microwaveable popcorn. Buffy
smiled as she opened the door wider in invitation. “I was beginning to worry
you weren’t going to make it.”

“Are you kidding? This was my bloody idea- I wouldn’t have missed it
for the world, Goldilocks,” Spike replied, tugging on a strand of blonde
hair.

Buffy giggled at the nickname before leading him into the living room.
She noticed the glare Xander had on his face and turned to see a matching
one on Spike’s. “Guys, this is Spike. Spike, this is Xander, and I think you may
have met Willow at the Magic Box.”

Spike snapped his eyes away from the younger man to give a brief smile
and nod to Willow. “Yeah, we’ve seen each other around. How are you, Red?”

Willow smiled. “Oh, I’m great.”

Buffy turned as the doorbell rang again and went to answer it. She
greeted Oz and Cordelia who had arrived at the same time and let them in.
Buffy and Cordy initially hadn’t hit it off when Buffy had moved to Sunnydale,
but the more they talked to each other, the friendlier they got. Buffy knew
that Xander had a crush on Cordy and felt a little bad at her ulterior motive of
having Cordelia there to distract her friend. Buffy finished the introductions and headed into the kitchen with the popcorn.

“Need any help, luv?” Buffy turned at the voice behind her and saw
Spike leaning in the doorway.

“With microwave popcorn?” Buffy asked with a smile. “Nah, I think I got it.”

Spike smiled and walked over to sit down at the island as he watched
Buffy.

Buffy smiled nervously as she felt his eyes on her before looking up
and meeting his gaze. “What?”

“You’re just cute,” Spike said, gesturing to her pale pink cotton pants
and matching zip-up sweatshirt with a white tank top underneath. She
looked so young and sweet that Spike couldn’t help but smile.

Buffy blushed at his compliment and turned away from him, busying
herself with getting the snacks ready.

“Didn’t mean to embarrass you, luv,” he said softly.

Buffy turned and looked at Spike, his head tilted slightly to gauge her
reaction. “I’m fine, “ Buffy said with a soft smile.

Spike nodded as Buffy picked up the tray of food. He quickly jumped to
his feet and intercepted her. “I got it, Goldilocks. You just lead the way.”

Buffy gave him a bright smile of thanks and headed to the living room.

* * * * *

After the first two movies, Spike leaned against the back of the couch
and closed his eyes. They must be having a chick flick marathon. He could
have easily dealt with that, and Buffy’s friends were, for the most part,
pretty cool. He found that he and Oz had a lot more in common than someone
might have thought. However, the fact that Buffy had situated herself next
to Spike when they sat down a few hours ago had not gone unnoticed by
Xander, whose angry looks were not overlooked by Spike. Especially when he had
put his arm on the back of the couch, and he thought the boy was going to
say something to him.

‘Bloody hell,’ he thought. ‘I’m not even touching her, and he’s acting
like I’m trying to get her to shag me on the couch.’ Spike let out a sigh
and excused himself from the room.

Buffy frowned when she heard the back door close. “I’ll be right back,
guys. I’m gonna make sure Spike’s okay. Start the next one without us.”
The group nodded as Buffy made her way to the back of the house. When she
opened the back door, she saw Spike turn to face her slightly and give her a
small smile from his position on the top step. Buffy could see the lit
cigarette burning in his hand and went to sit down on the step next to him.

“You okay?” she asked quietly.

“Fine, luv. I just needed a break, is all,” Spike said, gesturing to the cigarette.

“You know, those things will kill you,” Buffy said with a smile.

Spike scoffed. “So I’ve heard.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Spike finished the smoke.
Smashing it under his heel, Buffy watched him as he clasped his hands together,
resting his elbows on his knees.

“I’m sorry if I’m not being much fun in there, luv.”

Buffy frowned. “Spike, we’re just watching movies. It’s not like we’re
having a party.”

“Yeah,” he agreed halfheartedly.

“Besides, I’ve noticed the looks Xander’s been throwing your way.”

“What’s going on between you two?” Spike asked, looking at her to see
her reaction.

Buffy shrugged. “We’re friends. He had a little crush on me when I
moved here, but I turned him down. Nothing really came of it.”

“So, that date the other night-“

“Was our first and only,” Buffy replied. “Willow tried to talk me into
giving him a second chance, but there’s just no romantic feelings from
my side.”

Spike nodded, obviously relieved, as he stared out into the dark backyard.
“I’ve never done this before, Buffy,” he said quietly.

“Done what?”

“Try to be friends with a girl. It’s all a little new to me.”

”Let me guess- every girl has been a conquest to you.” Spike looked at
her with hurt in his eyes. “Oh, Spike, I didn’t mean it like that. I just
meant you knew what to expect, and now a friendship is a new set of
rules.”

“That about sums it up. And you were probably right the first time.
Every girl was just a way to get instant gratification- I never thought of
much beyond that. There was always some kind of ulterior motive.”

“And it’s not like that with me?” Buffy asked with a playful pout
before she broke out in a smile.

Spike looked at her with a smile on his face. “I reserve the right not to
answer that question.”

Buffy looked down at her hands as she flushed at his comment. After a
few moments, she decided she better change the subject. “So, do you work at
the Magic Box?”

“Help my dad out once in a while. I’m not on schedule, but he’s been
trying to talk me into it.”

“You should do it. It’ll help your dad, and I’d get to see you more, as
a friend,” she added quickly as he looked over at her.

Spike smiled and nodded. “I might. Got a lot on my plate this semester,
with school and all.”

Buffy was about to reply when the back door opened. Both turned to see
Xander standing there. “You’re missing the movie.” Spike noticed he
was talking to Buffy but stood up anyway. Offering his hand to Buffy, he
shot Xander a glare of his own as Buffy took hold of it and stood. Spike
smiled down at Buffy as she held his hand longer than necessary, gently
reaching up to tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear. Both felt the
tingling sensations go through them as they touched, but each ignored the
feeling.

‘We’re friends,’ they both thought at the same time.

As they walked back into the house, Buffy couldn’t help but be slightly
disappointed that they were just friends. Nevertheless, they’d only
known each other for a few days. Who knew what the future held.

Chapter 5


Over the next few weeks, Buffy and Spike grew closer. Spike began working
the same shifts she did and felt his attraction toward her growing. He
never said anything to Buffy for fear that she would get scared and start
avoiding him, but he couldn’t help the feelings he had for her. Today, they were in the back room, restocking the items that had just been shipped in.

“So what’s new with you, Goldilocks?” Spike asked. He’d noticed she’d been
quiet for most of the day and was starting to get worried about her.

Buffy shook her head as she finished unpacking one of the boxes in front of
her.

“Come on,” Spike prodded. “There’s something stirring around in that
overactive brain of yours.”

Buffy smiled slightly. “It’s really nothing.”

Spike walked over to her and gently took her by the arms. “Buffy, are you
okay?”

This time she smiled genuinely. “There’s nothing to be worried about, if
that’s what you mean.”

“Good,” Spike said, breathing a sigh of relief. “But there is something
bothering you.”

“It’s stupid really. I just…I’m not going to the prom, and I’ve just been
thinking about if it’s a mistake to skip it, but it’s this weekend, and I’m
getting kind of close to the buzzer if I decide to go.”

Spike stared at her, confused. “What do you mean you’re not going? Guys must be lined up around the block to take you.”

Buffy laughed at that. “Oh yeah, I really get the greatest guys in Sunnydale
High. My favorite options are Cameron Walker, who felt the need to try and
sexually assault me in his car last year, or Larry, who tries to grab my butt
in gym class every day. Call me crazy, but I’m thinking I don’t want to
face the post-prom parties with guys like that.”

Spike felt anger build in him at the mention of these two idiots touching a
girl like her. “Buffy, if anything ever happens, I want you to tell me, okay?”

Buffy gave him a small smile. “Nothing’s going to happen to me because I
won’t be in that kind of a position for anything to happen, but thank you.”
She gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand as she got up and left the
room.

Spike sat there for a long time, thinking about what Buffy had said. He knew
that she would be sorry if she missed out on her prom, but he couldn’t find
it in himself to ask her. It was, after all, her school, and she didn’t seem
that interested in asking him, so he knew he should forget about it. What
he couldn’t forget about was the look in her eyes when she told him about it.

Spike left the room and saw Buffy and Willow talking at the front of the
store. Spike decided to leave them alone and began shelving some books when
he heard the bell at the front of the store. Turning around, he saw Willow
walking toward him as the door shut.

“Did Buffy go home?”

“No,” Willow said. “She’s just taking her break. Spike, you have to
convince her to go to the prom this weekend.”

Spike blinked at the abrupt change of topic. “Listen, Red, I don’t know if
Buffy wants me to butt in.”

“Spike, she wants to go, but she doesn’t have a date.”

“Yeah, I know. She told me.”

“What is wrong with you?” Willow cried as she smacked him on the shoulder.

Spike flinched at the amount of power behind her tiny hand. “What are you
goin’ on about?”

“Buffy tells you her problem, and you don’t ask her?”

“Red, it’s not my place to ask. It’s her school, her dance, and I’m her
friend. If she wants to go with me, she’ll ask.”

Willow threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. “Men!” Looking Spike
in the eye again, she continued, “Spike, she’s turned down four offers
because they haven’t been the right guy.”

“So the chit’s picky, so what?”

“Because the right guy is you.”

Spike froze. “She told you that?”

“Well…not in so many words, but I know her, Spike. She’s my friend.”

Spike absorbed all of the information for several long minutes as he sat
down at a nearby table. “I’ve got an idea, Red.”

* * * * *

Buffy stood in front of the mirror on Saturday night, staring at the
reflection. “I’m cool with going stag,” she muttered to herself as she
looked at the strapless, red floor-length gown that Willow had talked her
into. The low-cut neckline showed off a generous amount of cleavage. A
high slit up the right leg made Buffy feel a little self-conscious about
the amount of skin she was exposing, but she shrugged it off. Her long
golden hair was pulled up in a French-twist with a few face-framing pieces
left down. Her mother’s diamond earrings were the only jewelry she wore.
Buffy stared into the mirror for over ten minutes when she heard the
doorbell.

“Buffy! Your friends are here!”

“I’ll be right down, Mom!”

With a final glance in the mirror, Buffy turned and made her way downstairs.
She smiled at her friends as she walked downstairs. Willow and Oz stood
in the doorway, blissfully happy. Buffy could see Xander and Cordelia
behind them and smiled. Cordy had finally taken it upon herself to ask
Xander to go with her since he was too frightened to ask her.

“Buffy, you look amazing!” Willow squealed.

“Lookin’ good, Buffster.” Buffy smiled at her friends as Cordy and Oz
echoed the statements.

“Thanks, guys, you all look great, too. Where’s my mom?”

“Oh, she’s out on the porch,” Willow replied.

Buffy frowned and followed her friends out into the night. She felt her
chest constrict at what she saw. Standing on the porch in an all black tux
with a black necktie, Spike smiled at her, holding a bouquet of white roses.
Buffy stood frozen in her place as her mother snapped pictures of her
shocked expression.

Buffy finally was able to give him a smile as he stepped forward. “What are
you doing here?”

“I couldn’t let my favorite girl go to her prom alone, now could I?”

Buffy’s smile brightened at the admission as everyone started talking at
once. She couldn’t hear anything else as Spike leaned forward, gently
brushing her cheek with his lips. “You look gorgeous, luv,” he whispered
quietly.

Buffy shivered at the feel of his breath on her skin and looked into his
eyes. “You’re not so bad yourself.” Buffy took Spike’s offered arm and let
him lead her to the waiting limousine.

Chapter 6


Buffy relaxed as they entered the decorated gymnasium. She saw the jealous
looks of the other girls in her class and couldn’t help the smile that it
brought to her face.

“What are you smiling at, luv?” Spike asked softly.

“That I have the best date here and all the girls hate me.”

Spike laughed at the admission as he took her hand and led her out to the
dance floor. “I didn’t do to badly either. Care to dance, pet?”

Without answering, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and thrilled at
the gentle touch of his hands on her hips. After a minute of swaying to the
music, Buffy rested her head against his chest, resisting the urge to run
her hands over the hard muscles that she encountered.

Spike gently pressed a kiss to her hair, pulling away slightly to rest his
cheek against the top of her head. The two danced through another song,
each savoring the feel of the other.

Buffy slowly pulled back to look into his bright eyes. “Why did you come
tonight?”

“Don’t want me here, pet?” he asked with a smile.

“I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather go with, but I didn’t think you would
want to go to a high school dance.”

“Not usually, no, but this is different. This is going with you, and I can’t
think of a better way to spend a Saturday night.”

Buffy smiled at the admission, fighting the urge to kiss him for his
thoughtfulness. As the two broke apart at the end of the song, Buffy
noticed the way he casually held her hand as they walked off the floor and
tightened her grip. Spike smiled at the slight pressure change and pulled
Buffy closer to him. “Want something to drink, luv?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

As Spike walked over to get some punch, Buffy groaned as she watched Harmony and her minions approach her.

“So, Buffy, I see you were able to land a date,” Harmony commented in her
nasal tone.

Buffy sighed. “What do you want, Harmony?”

“Just to let you know that you’re way out of your league. You think that
Spike Giles is going to stay interested in you?” she asked with a laugh.
“He’ll probably be looking for someone else to leave with by the end of the
night.”

Buffy clenched her teeth but tried to stay calm. “Gee, Harmony, I never
thought of that. I guess I shouldn’t talk to you anymore. Spike might
think we’re friends, and that certainly wouldn’t help my chances.”

Harmony huffed and walked away with her trail of followers. Buffy headed
for the door, needing some air.

Spike watched from across the room as Buffy talked to another blonde before
turning and walking out the door. Spike quickly took off to see what was
wrong. As he got to the doors of the gym, Spike walked into the darkened
school hallway and took in his surroundings. He saw an exit door and headed
toward it. Looking outside, he saw Buffy staring up at the moon, hugging
her arms around her body.

Spike quietly exited the school and approached her. “Buffy,” he said
quietly, touching her shoulder. Buffy whirled around in surprise and visibly
relaxed when she saw Spike. “What are you doing out here, luv?”

“I just needed some air.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the blonde you were just talking to,
would it?”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about, Spike, really. Just stupid high
school stuff that I can’t wait to leave behind.”

Spike contemplated her for a minute as she turned her back to him. Not
thinking before he acted, Spike stepped forward and wrapped his arms around
her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. Buffy relished the intimate
feel of him as she rested her own hands on his.

“So, what’s after the dance, Goldilocks?”

“Some big party at Cordy’s. Her parents are out of town and told her she
could have the entire senior class over. You don’t have to go if you don’t
want to. I’ll understand, and you have gone well and beyond the call of
duty.”

“Will you be there?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I will, too.”

* * * * *

Just after midnight, Buffy and Spike walked through the foyer of the Chase
mansion. Buffy had only been in the house one other time, and now, she was
truly in awe of the size of it. She grabbed Spike’s hand, scared that she
would lose him in the throngs of people, and led him through the house to the
back deck. Buffy saw Willow and Oz swimming in the Olympic-size pool and
waved.

“Hey, guys!” Willow said as she swam over to meet them. “Cordy's got extra
suits in the pool house. They’re hidden in the bathroom cabinets since
there are just enough for her friends.”

“Thanks, Wills,” Buffy said. She turned to face Spike. “Do you want to swim
now?”

Spike briefly had the image of Buffy in a two-piece flash through his brain.
“Now’s good,” he said in a hoarse voice. Buffy gave him a quizzical look
but headed into the smaller pool house.

Rifling through the cabinets, she finally came across the swimsuits.
Tossing a pair of black trunks to Spike, she waited outside the door while
he changed. When he reappeared a few minutes later, Buffy licked her lips
at the sight of his bare, muscular chest. Spike smirked when he saw her
staring, and his smile only broadened when a blush rose to her cheeks. “I,
uh, I better get changed,” Buffy said as she walked around him to get to
the bathroom.

Buffy looked through the various colors and styles of the swimsuits before
picking a navy blue string bikini. She quickly took her hair down and let
it tumble around her shoulders. Grabbing a couple of towels, Buffy quickly
hung up her dress in the connecting bedroom and made her way out the door to
encounter Spike. His eyes seemed to light up as he looked her over.

“Ready to go, luv?”

Buffy noticed that his voice seemed to drop a little as he stared at her, and
she felt her face heat up again. “Yeah.”

Spike put his hand on the small of her back and led her out of the house.

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy was soaking her tired body in the hot tub. She was
exhausted from the long night at the dance and the subsequent water fights
they had shared with Willow and Oz. Now as she was lounging in the hot tub,
Buffy looked around for her date. Spike had disappeared ten minutes earlier
to get them something to snack on, and she hadn’t seen him since.

With a sigh, Buffy pulled herself out of the hot tub and wrapped a towel
around her waist. Wandering through the house that was now filled with
drunk senior classmen, Buffy found her way to the kitchen. Walking through
the door, she froze when she saw Spike with Harmony wrapped around him. Her arms were pulling him close as she looked like she was trying to devour his
face. Spike pulled away and met Buffy’s eyes as she turned and fled the
house.

Buffy quickly made her way to the pool house, rushing through the door and
into the spare bedroom. She quickly slammed the door shut and took several
deep gulps of air. “Okay, Buff,” she said to herself. “He’s not your
boyfriend- he’s just a nice guy who’s your friend and decided to do you a
favor and take you to the prom.” Buffy put her head in her hands. “He
doesn’t even like you.”

Buffy quickly shed the towel and pulled her dress out of the closet. There
was no need to stick around anymore if her friends had disappeared and her
date was off making out with another girl. Just as Buffy pulled the dress
off the hanger, she heard a loud knocking on the door. Puzzled, she went
over to open it and encountered an out of breath Spike.

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s what smoking will do to you.”

“Buffy, I’m sorry, I-“

“Spike, you don’t owe me any type of explanation. We’re friends, and you
were just doing me a favor tonight by going with me. Don’t worry about
it,” she said as she walked back over to the bed.

Feeling his body against hers, Buffy turned around. “That wasn’t what it
looked like, Buffy. She kissed me, I didn’t kiss her back.”

“Spike, I-“

“No, you deserve to know this. I didn’t come here tonight to shag someone.
I came here tonight because I wanted to be with you.” Buffy stared into his
eyes as he continued, gently cupping her face. “I want to be with you,
Buffy. I don’t want to just be friends anymore. It’s not enough, I want
you.” Spike’s lips quickly descended to her own as he gave her a passionate
kiss.

Buffy felt lightheaded as she reached around his waist to balance herself
against the dizzying emotions coursing through her. Pulling away slowly,
Spike looked down at Buffy as she tried to catch her breath.

“What do you think, luv? Do I have a shot?” Buffy didn’t answer him, just
pulled him down to her for another emotional kiss. Slowly leading him with
her, Spike found himself lying on the bed with Buffy beneath him. Trying to
control his raging hormones, he moaned as her body arched into his. His
hands, of their own need, began caressing her body, roaming over the soft,
exposed skin. Slowly, Spike felt his hand slip under the top of her bikini,
gently squeezing her full breast. Buffy moaned, thrusting herself against
him again. Spike felt all willpower fading as he realized they were only
separated by two very thin pieces of fabric. Suddenly realizing who he was
with, Spike pulled away from her and sat up.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked.

“Nothing, baby. We just need to stop.” Spike looked up and saw the hurt
look on Buffy’s face as she stood up. “Buffy, what’s wrong, luv?”

With her back turned to him, he heard her whisper, “Is it me?”

Spike was off the bed in a flash, spinning her around and pinning her to the
nearby wall. “Never think that again,” he said through clenched teeth.

Spike saw her chin quiver as she looked at him. “Why don’t you want me?”

Spike gently kissed her before answering, “I want you, baby, but you deserve
better than this. I don’t want you to do something you’ll write off as a
weak moment later.” Spike watched her, waiting for her to say something.
When she stayed quiet, he continued, “Buffy, when it happens, I want it to
be special. I don’t want it to be in a guest house at an after-prom party.”
He paused as he gently tilted her face up to his. “Buffy, if you want me
half as much as I want you, it will happen.”

Buffy nodded as he kissed her forehead. “You wanna get out of here, pet?”

“Where to?” she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“My place.”

Buffy had to suppress a smile. “You know, for someone who was so determined to wait no more than ten seconds ago, you sure do move fast.”

“I was thinking more movies and pizza,” Spike said with a chuckle before
leaning down to kiss her. “And maybe some more of those.”

Buffy giggled. “What are we waiting for?”

Chapter 7


A few hours later, Buffy and Spike lay curled together on the couch in
his apartment. Buffy had changed into a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt
and was now sound asleep, wrapped in Spike’s arms. Spike stared down at
the sleeping young woman and felt his heart skip a beat. He had never felt
like this before. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never done this
before. There was not a moment that he could remember comfortably
lying next to someone that he cared for. Spike was suddenly filled with fear
that he would lose her. He watched as Buffy stirred in her sleep and slowly
opened her eyes to look up into his.

“Morning, beautiful.”

“Is it morning?” Buffy asked with a yawn as she rubbed her eyes.

Spike smiled at the child-like quality she took on. “Just after sunrise.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

“No, I wanted to enjoy having you in my arms.”

Buffy smiled. “You’re not trying a line on me, are you? Because you
know, you’ve already got me.”

“Do I?” Spike asked, his expression suddenly becoming serious.

“I thought we’d already covered this.”

“Humor me.”

Buffy reached a hand up, slowly tracing the contours of his face. “I
want to be with you. Only you.”

Spike let out a sigh of relief before dipping his head to capture her lips
in a sweet kiss. Buffy moaned as his tongue reached into her mouth to
tangle with hers. Slowly turning over in his arms, Buffy slipped her hands
underneath his shirt and trailed her fingertips along the rigid muscles of
his abdomen. Spike broke away from her lips to kiss a path down her neck.
“What time do you have to be home, luv?” he asked as his own hand
rubbed soothing circles over the length of her stomach.

Buffy felt her breathing accelerate at his movements. “Doesn’t matter.
No one’s home...Mom left town for a few days.”

Spike met her lips in another searing kiss as his hand played with the
hem of the boxers she was wearing. “So I have you all to myself for as
long as I want?” he whispered huskily when they broke away.

Buffy began panting slightly as his hand slipped beneath the shorts. She
nodded. “I-I thought we weren’t going to-“

“We’re not,” he said in a gravelly voice. “But there are other things to
keep us occupied,” he finished as a finger gently separated the outer lips
and toyed with the dampness he found. Spike watched her face as Buffy
gasped, her eyes widening before snapping shut at the sensations.
Teasingly, he began tracing the contours, watching the emotions play on
her face as he gently ran a finger up and down the warm center. Buffy
relentlessly pushed against him, searching for any kind of release. She
opened her wide eyes and stared up at Spike. “Please,” she whispered,
her eyes pleading with him. “Spike, please…I need it.”

Spike smiled at her choice of words as he bent to kiss her passionately as
he slid two fingers into her. Buffy tensed and then cried out in pleasure
at the fulfilling feelings. Spike cautiously moved in and out of her hot
passage, watching as Buffy visibly began to lose control. He felt her nails
dig into the skin of his upper arm as she searched for her release. Spike
finally took pity on her and moved his thumb to the sensitive bundle of
nerves, brushing over it once and smiling as Buffy bucked up to meet him.
She began to shake from the stimulation and cried out again as Spike added
more pressure and began rubbing her in a circular motion. Knowing her
climax was closing in on her, Spike began to penetrate deeper as his
movements picked up speed. He smiled as Buffy peaked, screaming out
her orgasm as he extracted every ounce of bliss from her body.

“That was amazing,” she whispered, her eyes already beginning to close
from the exertion of her climax. “But what about you?”

Spike bent his head to kiss her again as she snuggled deeper into his embrace. “Don’t worry about it, luv. There will be plenty of time in the future. You just go back to sleep, okay?”

Buffy nodded sleepily as she curled even further into his body. Spike
watched as she fell into a peaceful sleep before he let himself follow.

Chapter 8


Buffy graduated two weeks later. She and Spike were going strong,
seeing each other almost every night. Tonight, they were planning on watching
movies at her house since her mom was out of town. Buffy felt bad always
going over to his place, so she had insisted that he come over tonight.

Hearing a knock on the door, Buffy checked her hair in the mirror and
gave it a quick fluff. Opening the door, she smiled at Spike, in his usual
leather duster, black jeans, and black t-shirt.

“Hey,” she said brightly as she gave him a kiss.

“So this is the inside of the house,” Spike said as he looked around.

Buffy smacked her forehead. “I’m sorry, I forgot you’ve only been on
the front porch. Let me show you around.”

Buffy took his hand and led him through the downstairs. When they
stopped in front of the stairs again, Spike pulled Buffy into a long,
passionate kiss, slowly deepening it until they broke away from each other,
panting for air.

“Do you want to see my room?” Buffy asked breathlessly.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Summers?” Spike asked with a smile.

Buffy looked up at him with wide eyes. “Maybe.”

Spike felt the air drain out of him at the small confession. “Buffy…I
don’t know. I don’t know if we’re ready.”

“You mean you don’t know if I’m ready,” Buffy said with a slight nod.

“Baby, we’ve only been together for a few weeks. Don’t you want to wait?”

Buffy took a deep breath. “You’re right,” she said with an unconvincing
tone. “Let’s go watch the movies.”

Buffy began to move around Spike as she felt his hand on her arm. “Buffy,
don’t be mad at me, luv.”

“I’m fine, Spike,” she said, pasting a fake smile on her face as she
pulled out of his grip. He sighed as he watched her walk into the living
room, taking a few deep breaths to control his emotions. He wanted her,
there was no doubt about that, but he knew they should wait. He’d never had
strong willpower when it came to women, and it was even harder with Buffy,
considering he actually cared for her.

“Spike? Are you going to stand in there all night?”

Spike took another deep breath as he walked into the room. Sitting
down next to her on the couch, Buffy snuggled into his side. This was going
to be a long night.

* * * * *

Around midnight, Buffy got up and headed up to her room to change. As
she got to the stairs, she turned and looked at Spike. “Are you staying
tonight?” The question was so quiet and full of hope that it brought a slight
smile to Spike’s face.

“If you want me to, luv.”

“I do,” she said softly with a smile. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Spike watched the movie until Buffy came back downstairs. His breath
caught at how beautiful she way. Dressed in a pair of blue satin pajamas with
her golden skin setting off the shade of blue, she looked so beautiful and
innocent that all of Spike’s resolve flew out the window. He found himself
standing up to make his way over to her. Wrapping his arms around Buffy’s
waist, he pulled her closer to him until their lips met.

The passion of the kiss escalated as his hands worked their way under
her top, feeling the soft, warm skin underneath. Buffy moaned into his
mouth as his hands traveled up her body, caressing every inch of her that he
could touch. Both gasped as he brushed the side of her bare breast, igniting
a fire in Buffy and making Spike grow increasingly hard.

Breaking away from her lips, Spike looked down at her passion-filled
eyes as she took his hand and led him upstairs. Walking into her room, Buffy
turned and attacked his lips as her hands frantically began pulling his shirt
free from the waistband of his pants. Their lips parted briefly as she lifted
the shirt over his head, pausing to admire the sculpted muscles in
front of her, tentatively trailing the ridges of his abdomen as he watched her.
Biting her lip, Buffy ran her fingertips over the planes of his chest as she
hooked her hands behind Spike’s neck and pulled him down for a slow kiss.

Spike began slowly unbuttoning the front of her top, growing painfully
hard at the awareness that they were only separated by scraps of
fabric. As he finished his task, Spike broke away from the kiss as he parted the
shirt, staring at her in all her beauty. Buffy nervously crossed her arms in
front of her chest as Spike reached for her and pulled her into another kiss.

“Don’t,” he whispered, breaking away. “You’re beautiful, luv, don’t be
embarrassed.” Slowly, Spike moved her hands that obstructed her body
and slipped the top off her shoulders. Gently trailing a hand over a
breast to palm it in his hand, he smiled at the gasp Buffy let out at the
sensations. “Are you sure about this, Buffy?” he asked in a husky voice.

Buffy nodded. “I’m sure, Spike.” With a shuddering breath, she took
his hand and led him over to her bed. Turning around, Buffy looked into
his eyes as Spike softly traced his fingertips up and down her arms in
relaxing motions. After a moment, Spike let a hand slide up to cup the
back of her head as he drew her closer for a tender kiss. As the passion
threatened to consume them, Spike felt Buffy’s tiny hands working on
his belt buckle and moaned as she slipped the pants down his legs and took
his hardened erection in her hand.

“Is this okay?” Buffy asked in a shy voice as she worked her hand up
and down in a slow rhythm.

“More than okay, luv,” Spike said with some effort as his eyes rolled
back. After a minute, he opened his eyes to see Buffy nervously chewing her
lower lip. With a great deal of control, he broke away from her to lie her
down on the bed before crawling up her body and staring longingly into
eyes. “Buffy…if you want to stop-“

Buffy shook her head. “N-no, I…you see, I-I..I’ve never-“

“Shhh, it’s okay, baby. I know.”

Buffy looked at him in confusion. “You do?”

Spike smiled gently as he brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. “A
woman like you wouldn’t do something as special as this unless it was making
love.”

“A-and…that’s what this is to you?”

“Yes, baby.” He lowered his head to begin kissing the column of her
neck. “That’s exactly what this is to me.”

Buffy moaned, clutching the comforter on both sides of her, as Spike
trailed the length of her body, hooking his fingers on each side of her loose
satin pants, dragging them down her legs and tossing them onto the pile of
clothes on the floor. Buffy gasped as one of his hands snaked in between her
legs to settle between her thighs. Raising up to look into her eyes, Spike
smiled at the wetness he found there before pulling away.

“Where are you going?” Buffy asked, the distress of him leaving
evident in her voice.

“Nowhere, baby,” Spike said as he reached for his jeans on the floor.
Realization dawned on Buffy as he pulled a condom out of his pocket.

“Prepared, aren’t you?” Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Spike crawled the length of her body a second time as he smiled at her.
“I lose all control when I’m around you, luv. Thought it would be better
to be prepared.”

Buffy smiled, at ease with his gentle voice. “I’m glad,” she said softly.

Spike quickly rolled the condom on his hard length and settled himself
between her legs. “Last chance, Buffy. We can still stop if you want
to, luv.”

Buffy didn’t answer, just pulled him closer for another searing kiss. Spike
kissed her back with the same ferocity as he gently pushed into her.
Buffy moaned into his mouth as his length slid further, moaning again when he
stopped. Spike ran a hand up her body to cup the side of her face,
intensifying the kiss as he pushed through the barrier, taking her virginity.

Buffy broke away from his lips, crying out at the pain that filled her.
Spike stayed frozen inside her, gently caressing any part of her that
he could touch, as she gasped for breath. “It hurts,” she said softly as
she looked at Spike with tear-filled eyes.

Spike felt his throat tighten, knowing that he hurt this beautiful
woman so willingly. “I’m sorry, baby. It won’t hurt much longer, just relax.”

Buffy did as she was told, relaxing her body and feeling Spike begin to
move within her, jolted by the rush of pleasure that swept through her as
he slowly grinded his hips against hers. Buffy moaned and eagerly pushed
back against him, seeking more relief from the receding pain. She gasped as
he pulled halfway out of her, only to push back in and elicit another moan
from her.

Spike was in heaven. He had never felt pleasure this exquisite. He felt as
if he was drowning in her as he began speeding up his thrusts, pulling
out of her more fully before plunging back into her hot depths. After
several minutes of moving in and out of her, Spike felt his climax approaching.
Clenching his jaw, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to refrain from
losing control for as long as possible. As he was about to reach his hand
between them to help Buffy reach her peak faster, he felt her inner muscles
tighten as her nails dug into his back.

Buffy felt the tightening in her stomach and frantically pushed against
Spike as she felt her body begin to spiral out of control. Tightening
her hold on him, Buffy felt her body peak as she let out a scream of bliss
as she came.

Spike’s body hummed at the feel of her muscles clenching him. Thrusting
into her a few more times, he finally let himself go over the edge, his body
pulsing as he grabbed the sheets on either side of Buffy. Fisting them
in his hands, he groaned at the ecstasy that threatened to overwhelm him as
he caught his breath. Opening his eyes, he looked into the depths of
Buffy’s green eyes as she stared at him. Giving her a gentle kiss, Spike
separated himself from her warmth and got up to dispose of the condom.

Buffy watched as Spike left the room, feeling the tears spring to her
eyes as he disappeared from her view. She quickly rolled over, pulling the
comforter over her to hide her nude body. She let the tears fall as she
stared out her window.

Spike reentered the room and looked at Buffy’s figure huddling under
the covers. He frowned but assumed she was just cold and went to slip in
behind her, spooning his body to hers.

Buffy jumped at the feel of his body pressed against hers and sniffled
slightly, trying to reign in her emotions. Spike heard the sniffle, and
his frown deepened. Putting gentle pressure on her shoulder, he rolled her
over to face him. Panic swept through him at the sight of her tear-streaked
face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He noticed she wouldn’t make eye contact with
him, and the panic turned to terror. “Did I hurt you? I know it hurt at first,
luv, but I thought it felt better…I-I thought-“

“Spike,” she said in a strained voice. “Don’t worry about me.”

“How can I not, Buffy?” he asked incredulously. “We just made love, and
you’re lying here in tears. What did I do, baby?”

Buffy sniffled again before making eye contact with him. “Was it…was I okay?”

Spike looked at her in confusion. “You were better than okay, luv. You
were magnificent. Why would you ask that?”

“It’s just…you walked out, and I just thought-“

“Buffy, no! I just had to get rid of the condom, luv. That’s all. Please, believe me, baby,” he whispered as he worriedly caressed her skin, trying to reassure her. He pulled her closer for a kiss as he continued, “I have never felt the way you make me feel, emotionally or physically.”

“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered, her eyes tearing up again. “I just thought-“

Spike silenced her with another kiss as he pulled her into his embrace.
“Don’t scare me like that, pet,” he whispered into her hair. “I thought you
were going to kick me out.”

Buffy smiled and shook her head. “No. I want you right here.”

Spike smiled as she burrowed deeper into his arms. “That works out
nicely then,” he murmured softly. “Because I have no intention of going
anywhere.”

Chapter 9


A few months later, Buffy and Spike lay curled up on his couch. Spike’s hands trailed lazily over her abdomen as she rested her back against his chest. He listened, smiling slightly, at the soft sounds emitting from her. He could almost swear that she was purring, and knowing that he was the one to give her such contentment made him happier than he had ever been.

He thought back over the course of the last few months. They had become much closer, spending almost all of their free time together. Buffy had become more special to him than he could have imagined. She had started college a few weeks ago, and they were practically living together, not letting her mother catch on that she was spending most of her time at his apartment.

Spike felt his grip tighten on her as a feeling of insecurity washed over him. Ever since she had started at UCSunnydale, Spike had been worried that he was going to lose her. That some preppy college guy would come along and sweep her off her feet. He was pleased, but not necessarily surprised, when he had witnessed several men approach her after class or on her way to meet him, and she had politely declined any offers. He knew that he could trust her, just as she knew she could trust him.

And yet, the insecurity remained. Spike was constantly feeling like he
wasn’t good enough for Buffy, that she deserved someone better, so he
had held back from telling her exactly how much he cared for her. Now, as
she rested comfortably in his arms, he felt the emotions wash over him in
waves as he looked down at her beautiful face.

Buffy finally rolled over to face him with a smile on her face. “Okay,
mister. You’ve been staring at me for a good twenty minutes, so what’s
the what?”

Spike smiled down at the woman in his arms. “Just thinking, pet. That’s all.”

“About what?”

“How much I love you.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could even think about what
he’d said. As Spike stared into her emerald eyes and felt like he was
getting lost in them, he suddenly felt a brief sense of fear. It was
quickly replaced when he saw the blinding smile that lit up her face.

“You really mean that?”

“Of course I do, luv.”

Buffy squealed and fused her lips to his, her hands winding behind his
neck to pull him closer, deepening the kiss. Their tongues battled as the
passion ignited between them. After a few moments, both pulled away,
breathless, and looked into the other’s eyes.

“I love you, too,” Buffy said as she gently traced the angular features
of his face. She smiled at the astonished look he gave her.

“You do?”

“Of course I do, silly,” Buffy said with a playful slap to his chest.
“I wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.”

It was Spike’s turn to pull her to him. He frantically kissed her, his
hands moving over the curves of her body as he tried to get closer to
her. Buffy moaned at the intensity of the moment and returned the kiss with
equal fervor, pushing her body into his.

Before either of them knew what was happening, Buffy was laying beneath
him as he pushed into her body. Panting as she arched into him, she moaned
as he hurriedly sped up his thrusts. She could already feel herself begin
to lose control as his hand wrapped around her waist to pull her even
closer to him.

Buffy gasped as he changed positions on her, angling himself upward,
hitting that elusive spot inside of her. Buffy gasped at her sudden climax,
screaming out her release as she felt the pleasure sweep over her.

Spike panted as Buffy’s inner muscles tightened around him, nearly
letting out a growl as he felt his own orgasm overtake him.

As the two lovers laid intertwined in each other’s arms, Spike leaned
over to kiss her softly. “I love you, Goldilocks.”

Buffy smiled at the new nickname. “I love you, too.”

Chapter 10


One Year Later


Buffy grasped Spike’s hand in a forceful grip as she watched her mother’s
coffin lowered into the ground. Spike felt the emotions weighing him down
as he tried to remain strong for her. He knew the feelings that were
coursing through Buffy, having experienced them years earlier when his own
mother died. He was becoming increasingly worried about his girlfriend,
since she had yet to cry in the few days that had passed since she came
across her mother’s body.

Now, as she stared down at the ground with an impassive look on her face,
Spike felt his heart go out to her, wishing there was more he could do
besides hold her hand. Everyone else said good-bye and left the couple
alone. Spike stayed quiet for over an hour as he offered his support. As
the sun set on the cemetery, he gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders,
trying to keep her warm against the chilly September air.

“We should probably go, luv,” he whispered softly into her ear. He watched
as she tightened her lips slightly before nodding in agreement. “Do you
want to be alone for a minute, pet?”

Buffy nodded again as he gave her a gentle kiss on the temple and walked
away to stand next to a nearby tree and wait for her. He could only see her
back as she stayed where she was, but he could hear the gentle murmurs of
her talking. After a few minutes, she turned and made her way over to Spike,
silently taking his hand and walking out of the cemetery with him.

“I should have been there, Spike,” he heard her whisper.

“There’s nothing you could have done, luv.”

“You don’t know that,” she said in a strained voice. “You don’t know if she
was in pain, if she needed help.”

“Buffy, she’s been battling a tumor for the last six months. The doctors
said that it was quick, painless.”

“How do they know?” she yelled as they got to the front gates. “They
weren’t there!”

Spike stayed quiet through the outburst, satisfied that she was no longer
showing her despondent attitude.

“What am I going to do, Spike?”

His heart broke at the tone of her voice, sounding like a lost little girl.
Reaching out, he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight, running his
fingers through her hair as she clutched at his shirt.

“You’ll figure it out, baby,” he replied softly. “You’re not alone in this.
You have your friends and my dad. And you have me.”

Spike kissed the top of her head, staying where he was as he closed his eyes
against the tears that were fighting to overcome him. He breathed a small
sigh as he felt moisture soak through his shirt and heard the tiny sobs
coming from the woman in his arms. Buffy had matured more in the past
twenty-four hours than she had in the past year, and Spike felt relief course
through him that she was finally letting go.

He held her, stroking her hair, as she cried. As darkness closed in on
them, Buffy slowly pulled away and looked up at her boyfriend. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, luv. That’s what I’m here for,” Spike said, tenderly
kissing her forehead.

“I don’t want to go home tonight, Spike. I-I can’t be there right now.”

Spike nodded in understanding. “Right then. My place it is.” Wrapping a
secure arm around her waist, Spike led her out of the cemetery to his car.

* * * * *

Buffy moaned as the pleasure washed over her, enveloping her cold heart and
warming it as Spike moved on top of her.

After getting back to his place, she had proceeded to lead him to his
bedroom, asking if he could do this for her. Spike had taken one look in
her large, watery eyes and melted, instantly knowing that she needed to
forget about this awful day, if only for a little while.

Spike gasped for air as he rolled off of Buffy, pulling her into his arms
and tenderly caressing her bare skin as they both savored the calmness that
seemed to surround them. “Go to sleep, baby,” he whispered softly in her
ear. “It’s been a long day.”

Buffy mumbled something in reply that Spike didn’t understand seconds
before she drifted off to sleep.

Spike stayed awake, watching her as she slept. He gently trailed his hand
over the smooth expanse of her back as he stared at her peaceful face. He
was happy she’d been able to get to sleep, knowing that the next few weeks
were going to be hard on her.

They had tried to find her father, but it seemed Hank Summers was in Europe
with his secretary and could not be bothered with his only child. Spike
knew that it had hurt Buffy more than she was willing to admit, not having
her father there. Even if he was a deadbeat.

Spike was worried about Buffy. When his mother had been killed by a mugger
years ago, he had at least had a supportive father who had helped him work
threw his grief. Spike was worried that he didn’t have what it took to get
Buffy through this. With a sigh, he decided not to worry about anything
tonight, instead giving a last kiss to Buffy’s forehead and drifting off to
sleep.

Chapter 11


Four Months Later


Spike sat at his kitchen table with his head in his hands. Several bottles
of beer littered the surface in front of him as he stared at the phone. The
past few months had been stressful, at best. Buffy had become withdrawn and
distant, repeatedly shutting him out of her life. She had used the excuse
of schoolwork until Christmas break had rolled around. They had spent the
holidays together, joining Giles for dinner and exchanging presents, and
then Buffy had seemed to disappear for a week. On New Year’s Eve, they met
at the Bronze, though not together, and barely even shared a kiss as the
clock struck midnight. Spike felt her rapidly slipping away and was
powerless to stop it.

Now, not even a week later, he drunkenly sat with his cordless phone,
hitting redial every five minutes, trying to get her to come to the phone.
After the twentieth call, give or take, Spike grew angry. Jumping up from
his position, he grabbed his duster and left the apartment, slamming the
door on his way out.

Half an hour later, he was striding up the path to Buffy’s house. Knowing
she was home and also knowing a confrontation would not be a good thing in
the state he was in, Spike raised a hand and banged on the door.

‘At least I had enough sense to not drive,’ he thought as he heard the lock
click and the door open.

Setting eyes on his girlfriend, he felt rage flood through his body. “Where
the bloody hell have you been?!”

Buffy visibly shrank away from the door as he yelled at her. He had never
raised his voice when he was around her, and she could smell the alcohol
radiating from him as he stepped over the threshold and slammed the door
with so much force she thought the glass panes might shatter. At the look
in his eyes, Buffy took another step away from him. She knew that she’d
been blowing him off, and she owed him an explanation, but looking at the
rigid stance he had taken, she decided now was not the best time for a
reasonable talk.

“Spike, let me make you some coffee,” she said in a soothing tone.

“I don’t want your soddin’ coffee, Summers! I want to know what your bloody
problem is!”

“I’m sorry, Spike,” she whispered, looking into his bloodshot eyes. She
couldn’t say anything more than that because she had no good excuse. There
wasn’t anyone else, there wasn’t a valid reason. Buffy knew that she had
all the signs of depression, but she was even unsure about that. If she was
depressed, would she be able to realize that she was depressed? These
thoughts plagued her constantly, and she had knowingly withdrawn from the one person who she knew would care for her. She knew if he realized something
was wrong, he would want to fix it, and she didn’t even think it could be
fixed.

Spike stared into her eyes for a solid minute, as if he was trying to read
what was going on inside of her. “You don’t love me.”

Buffy stared in shock as he uttered the words that had never crossed her
mind. “Spike, of course I do.”

“Then why?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, quietly looking at the floor.

“Do you still want to be with me, Buffy?” he asked through clenched teeth.

“Spike, please don’t ask me this, right now.”

“Then why don’t I make it real easy for you, Summers?”

Buffy’s head snapped up at the icy tone of his voice, her mouth dropping
open as he headed for the door.

“Spike, where are you going?” Buffy cried as she chased him to the door,
grabbing his sleeve. She cowered as he forcefully jerked his arm away from
her grasp, noticing a slight softening in his features for frightening her,
only to put the cold mask back in place.

“I’m leaving,” he said, pulling the door open. “We’re over, Buffy.”

Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes as he walked out the door. Running to
catch up with him, Buffy chased him down the driveway to the street.
“Spike, don’t leave like this! You don’t mean it…it’s just the alcohol
talking.”

“No!” he yelled, whirling around to face her. “This is me, Buffy. You’re
trying to cut me out of your life? Well, I’m making it real simple for
you.”

Without another word, Spike turned and headed down the street, leaving Buffy
with tears streaming down her face as she stared after him. She tried to
calm herself as he turned the corner, telling herself he would call when he
sobered up, but she couldn’t stop the sob that escaped her throat.

“We’ll work this out,” she said to herself as she walked back to the house,
trying her hardest to sound convincing. So why did she have the feeling
that he meant what he said? And why did she feel like she deserved it?

Chapter 12


With trepidation, Buffy walked into the Magic Box on Saturday. She had
called in sick for the past week, partly because she couldn’t bear the
thought of seeing Spike since he hadn’t called, and partly because she
was feeling sick at the idea of seeing him again. Willow had dropped by in
the supportive, best friend role and told her that Spike had been working
but was quieter than usual.

Now, as Buffy walked through the door of the Magic Box, she felt a wave of
anxiety wash over her as she surveyed the store. Giles looked up from his spot
at the cash register and smiled as he saw Buffy walking toward him.

“Buffy, you’re feeling better, I presume?”

Buffy gave a light shrug, still looking around the store.

“He isn’t here, Buffy.”

Her head snapped up to meet Giles’ concerned eyes. “You know?”

He nodded as he gave a sympathetic smile to the young girl. “He asked
to be put on opposite shifts.”

Buffy felt her breath catch and had to fight the urge not to retch as
she heard what he said.

‘So it’s really over,’ she thought miserably as she turned away from
the man in front of her. ‘He really doesn’t want to see me anymore and it’s all my fault.’

Buffy quickly made her way to the office to clock in. Closing the door
behind her, she felt tears threaten to spill over. Hearing a knock
on the door, Buffy turned and once again faced Giles' sympathetic face as
he entered.

“Buffy…may I ask what went wrong?”

“Me,” she whispered in a choked voice as she looked at the floor. “It
was me. I, um, I’ve been ignoring him…blowing him off, for the last few
months. I didn’t want him to be depressed by my mood swings, so I thought it
was best that he not be around me. Guess I got my wish, huh?” she asked
with a regretful smile.

Giles didn’t say anything, merely stepped over to her and gave her a
hug. Buffy fought tears again as a man who was closer to her than her own
father offered comfort.

Pulling away, Giles looked down at her. “Buffy, would you like me to
talk to William?”

Buffy shook her head. “No…thank you, but no. I dug my own way in this
mess. I deserve whatever I get.”

“Buffy, that’s not true. You-“

Giles cut himself off as Anya Jenkins swept through to clock in.

“Hello, Giles,” she said cheerfully as she passed him. “Oh, Buffy,
you’re back. You look like death. Are you getting enough sleep? Or sex?
You know, people take for granted the wonders of what a sexual
relationship can do for your appearance. Don’t you agree Giles? Giles?”

Buffy suppressed a smile as Anya turned to the place Giles had been
standing. “I think he slipped out at the first mention of sex.”

“Such a shame,” Anya said with a shake of her head. “You know, I don’t
think he’s getting any these days, either.”

Anya quickly clocked in and started for the door again. “I hope you
clocked in, Buffy. Money is another thing that does wonders for your
appearance. Only it’s for the monetary value of clothes and skin care products that
you can purchase…”

Buffy tuned out Anya’s rambling as they headed back out into the store.
Excusing herself, Buffy walked to the back of the store and began
straightening some of the objects back there, her mind preoccupied
with thoughts of Spike. She felt miserable at the thought of him not even
wanting to be in the same area with her for prolonged amounts of time.

“You really screwed this up, Buff,” she muttered to herself.

* * * * *

The hours dragged on as Buffy looked at the clock.

“Buffy.”

Buffy turned as Giles called her name.

“It’s close enough to three o’clock. Why don’t you go on and head home?”

Buffy gave a brief nod as she went and gathered her coat. Saying
good-bye to Giles and waving to Anya, Buffy decided to go out the back door. If
Spike didn’t want to see her, she may as well make it easier on him.
Adjusting her coat, Buffy stepped through and closed the door at the
same moment the main door opened.

Spike looked around the shop, hoping and dreading that he might run
into Buffy.

“She’s not here.”

Spike jumped at the sound of Anya’s voice to his right. “Who’s that,
luv?”

“Buffy. Don’t play dumb with me, Spike. I know you’re looking for
her, just like I know you’re the reason she was Miss Gloomy-Gus all day
long.”

“So she was here?”

“Just left,” Anya said as she dusted the various items on the front table.
“Went out the back. Guess she knew you didn’t want to see her.”

Spike felt a stab of remorse for obviously adding to Buffy’s misery.
“She said that?”

“No. Didn’t say much of anything really. Just did her work and went
home. She’s not looking well these days.”

Spike looked down at the floor, trying not to feel any more guilt than
he already did. “But she’s okay, right? I mean, she didn’t look…bad?”

“Spike, it’s Buffy. She couldn’t look bad any more than I could.”

Spike had to smile at that.

“But she’s not happy, if that’s what you’re asking. She didn’t even
listen to my stories of the wonderful orgasms that Xander gave me last night.
You know, considering we’ve only been together for a year, we have amazing
sexual chemistry, as if we’ve been together for years.”

“Uh, right. Well…I better get to work,” Spike said, darting across the
store to the office and out of the line of fire that was Anya’s mouth.

“What is with people today?” Anya asked herself.



A/N Sorry for the short chapter, but the next one is still being re-worked and it’s long, so hopefully that will make it up to you! Also, for those of you who read “Secrets of the Heart,” there will not be an update today. Sorry, to everyone who looks forward to that story, but I’ll try and have one tomorrow.

Chapter 13


Over a month went by with no contact from Spike. Giles let her leave
her shift a few minutes early every day, and Spike never bothered to show up
early for his shifts, leaving Buffy to believe that he couldn’t even stand
to look at her.

Her birthday had come and gone unremarkably. Giles had given her the
night off, and Willow, Xander, and Anya had thrown her an impromptu party at
her house, complete with cake and streamers. It was nice but in no way
compared to her nineteenth birthday the previous year, when Spike had
taken her to the beach, and they had made love with the stars overhead and the
waves crashing. It had been one of the most romantic nights of her life, and
when he gave her a diamond eternity band, Buffy had been breathless,
looking at the white gold band, inlaid with tiny diamonds.

Buffy had worn it everyday for the past year. Until her birthday, that is.
When the day passed her by without so much as a card from Spike, she
had taken the beautiful ring off and put it on a silver chain around her neck.
She couldn’t bear to be without it, but it made it easier if she was able
to take it off gradually and not have to look at it every time she signed
her name or the sun caught her hand.

Now, it was the middle of February, and Buffy was closing the Magic Box
for the night. Usually Giles closed the shop, but he had called her
earlier in the day, asking if she could come in for a few hours since he had a
stomach virus. Buffy had readily agreed, though closing the store so late at
night gave her the wiggins. She knew that she couldn’t let Giles down, so
here she was, holding the money bag in her hand and turning out the lights.
Giles had told her not to bother depositing the money in the bank drop box
that night, but Buffy knew she couldn’t leave the weekend receipts in the
older safe that Giles had in the shop. She had insisted that she would be
safe, although the tension in her body told her otherwise.

Buffy turned off the last of the lights and locked the door as she
headed out into the deserted Sunnydale Main Street. She froze when she saw
the black Desoto parked at the curb, it’s owner leaning casually
against it, smoking a cigarette. Buffy inhaled sharply, trying to get her nerves
under control, before turning and walking around the car in the direction of
the bank.

“What are you doing, luv?”

“What I’m paid to do. And don’t call me 'luv'.”

“Alright, Goldilocks.”

Buffy stopped walking, fighting the tears in her eyes at the sound of the name
that was only reserved for her.

“Why are you here?” she asked with a choked voice, not bothering to
turn and face him.

Spike’s expression softened at the strain in her voice. “I came to
give you a lift, lu-Buffy.”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“It’s not safe out here, pet.”

“It’s not safe with you either,” she said softly.

“Touché,” she heard him mutter under his breath.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said, turning to face him. “I shouldn’t have said
that. It’s my fault that…it’s my fault.”

Spike stared at her in confusion as she turned and began walking away.
He quickly fell into step beside her, giving her a small smile as she
looked at him. “I’m not letting you walk alone, Buffy. It’s really not safe, and
I think you’ll feel better with Big Bad lookin’ over your shoulder.”

Buffy offered a slight smile at his old high school nickname. She
didn’t say anything as they walked the two blocks to the bank. Quickly
depositing the money, Buffy turned and headed back the way they came from,
listening to Spike’s footsteps slightly behind her. The entire trip was made in
silence as they approached the Desoto again.

“I got a job,” Spike said as they got closer to the car. “Manager of a restaurant.”

Buffy turned to him and offered a half-hearted smile. Spike had been
searching for a job since he graduated UCSunnydale in the beginning of
December. “That’s great. So you won’t be working here anymore?”

“Nah, I told dad I’d still be helping out with the nightshifts until
the end of the summer. I’m only on days at the restaurant right now.”

“That’s nice,” Buffy said with a nod. Turning toward him as they stood
in front of the store, Buffy offered him a slight smile. “Thanks. Tell
your dad it really wasn’t necessary for me to have an escort.”

“Wasn’t dad’s idea, pet.”

Buffy stared up at him in bewilderment. “So you’re here because…?”

“Because…I don’t like the idea of you closing by yourself.”

Buffy nodded, looking at the ground. “Of course.”

“And because I feel like a complete pillock for ignoring you for the
last month.”

Buffy looked up at him with shimmering eyes. “Really?”

“Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean we can’t talk to each
other…right?”

“Oh, um, yeah, I-I guess.”

Spike saw the flash of disappointment on her face at the mention of
their ‘not together’ status. “Buffy, I-“

“I should be getting home. It’s getting late, and I…I should get home.”
Buffy turned and began walking in the direction of her house.

“Let me give you a lift.”

“No, Spike, it’s really okay,” Buffy said, turning around and walking
backwards as she spoke to him. “It’s a short walk, I’ll be-“

Spike ran over to Buffy as she stumbled at the edge of the sidewalk,
falling at an angle to land on her knee. Spike was at her side in a second as
she hissed in pain, grabbing her injured right knee. Spike looked at the
torn leg of her pants to see a trickle of blood beginning to leak through.
“Well, I’ll give you one thing, pet. It was a short walk.”

Buffy shot him a look as he suppressed a chuckle at his own joke while
gently rubbing her knee. Buffy flinched at the tender area his hand
grazed. “Right then, off to the hospital with you, luv.”

“No,” Buffy said, vigorously shaking her head.

“Buffy, you’re nineteen years old. It’s time you got over this hospital fear.”

“I’m twenty,” Buffy mumbled, trying to flex her aching leg.

“You’re…bloody hell! I’m such a soddin’ wanker! I forgot your birthday!”

“It’s okay…really…it was no big deal.”

Spike stared at Buffy, noticing she wouldn’t make eye contact with him.
“I honestly forgot, Goldilocks.”

Buffy pasted a fake smile on her face as she pushed herself off the
ground. “I believe you, Spike. You have more important things in your life
now. You don’t need to be reminded of an ex’s birthday.”

“You’re more than my ex, Buffy,” Spike said quietly.

“But the fact remains, I am your ex, Spike. First and foremost…and
that kinda gives you a get outta jail free card when it comes to birthdays.”

“I never would’ve-“

“It’s okay. I just…I better go.”

“I’m giving you a ride, Buffy. If you’re not going to let me take you
to the hospital, you’re at least going to let me take you home.”

Buffy hesitated for a second before nodding. As she began to limp to
the door of the car, she gasped as she was suddenly swept up in strong arms
and deposited in the car. Buffy sat rigidly as Spike made his way around
to the driver’s side and got in. A few minutes later, he glanced at Buffy out
of the corner of his eye as he pulled into her driveway. “Something
wrong, pet?”

Buffy looked down at her lap before answering. “What went wrong that
day, Spike?”

She saw him bite his lower lip as he considered his answer. “You mean
besides me getting pissed and storming into your house?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, making Spike look over at her profile.

“I scared you that day, didn’t I?”

Buffy took a deep breath, never looking at him, before nodding.

“I would never hurt you, Buffy.”

“Physically…you mean?” Buffy saw the look of remorse cross his face.
“Spike, I’m sorry. That was a cheap shot.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true, luv.”

“Maybe not,” she agreed quietly.

“To answer your question, I think we were just growing apart. We
hadn’t seen each other privately for months…just took a toll, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Buffy mumbled. “I guess so. Thanks for the ride.”

Before Buffy even had her door open, Spike was on her side of the
car, opening the door and helping her out. Buffy couldn’t even utter a
protest as she was, once again, scooped up in his arms and carried toward her
front door.

“I can walk, Spike.”

“Not on that leg, Goldilocks. We’re going to get you bandaged up.”

Buffy knew better than to argue. Spike was just as stubborn as she was,
and she had learned long ago to pick her battles wisely.

“Okay,” she agreed as she unlocked her door, no easy task considering
Spike didn’t put her down. Kicking the door shut as he walked over the
threshold, Spike carried Buffy upstairs to her room and placed her gently on the
bed.

“I’ll go get the first aid kit, luv. Why don’t you get changed?

Buffy nodded as he left the room. Looking at her bedtime attire, she
quickly ruled out one of the flimsy nightgowns she usually slept in,
opting instead for a pair of satin shorts and matching tank top. She still
felt a little too underdressed, but she couldn’t really put on her flannel
pants since the injury was on her leg.

Spike entered a few minutes later, catching his breath as he watched
Buffy painfully pull herself up to a sitting position on her bed. The blood
rushed down to his groin as he stared at her body, seconds before anger
clouded his vision at her undernourished form. She had easily lost
twenty pounds since the last time he had seen her in any type of intimate
situation.

Spike stalked over to the bed, slamming the kit down on the nightstand,
causing Buffy to jump and look at him in confusion as he poured alcohol
over a piece of cloth. A second later, the cloth was pressed to the gash on
her knee, causing Buffy to whimper at the throbbing pain that it left behind.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in a strained voice.

“Just not too happy seeing that the woman I loved has turned into an
anorexic.”

The past tense of 'loved' didn’t go unnoticed by Buffy, and she felt the
tears that collected from the pain of her wound spill over at the callous
tone of his voice.

“I’m not,” Buffy whispered so softly that Spike finally turned to look at her.

Seeing the tears cascading down her cheeks, his expression turned
apologetic immediately. “Buffy, luv, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Buffy just shook her head, not wanting to tell him that the pain was
from his words and not his actions. She wiped her eyes, frantically trying
to stop her weeping as he moved the medical supplies to the floor, moving
up the bed to sit next to her and pull her into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

Buffy sniffled again as she tried to get her emotions under control.
“No…it’s okay.”

Spike pulled back to look at her tear-streaked face. Gently tucking a
lock of hair behind her ear, Spike felt the electricity shoot through him as
his hand lingered on her skin. He looked into her eyes and saw the longing
that he felt reflected in hers. Before he could comprehend what he was
doing, his lips were on hers, fervently delving into her mouth, tangling with
her tongue as Buffy’s kissed him back with passion. Spike’s hands slid
under her top, stripping her of it in one fluid motion, as he pulled her to a
standing position.

Buffy’s fingers worked on the buttons of his shirt, shedding it and the
duster at the same time, before working on his belt as he slid the
shorts down her legs. Their lips stayed fused as they stood before Spike
pushed her back on the bed and crawled on top of her, meeting her lips once
again, capturing Buffy’s gasp as he entered her.

Buffy arched against him as he penetrated her deeper, burying himself
in her warmth. Spike left a tingling sensation as he nipped at any available
skin he could reach while he plunged into her over and over. Buffy
whimpered again, but this time, not from pain, as Spike kissed up the column of her
throat while their hips continuously rocked together for several long minutes. She began to
feel the humming of her body as she neared her climax, clawing at his back as
her hands trailed lower, frantically pushing him into her at a harder pace.
Craving his own release, Spike angled his body to slide his hands down
and grasp her hips, pulling her to him more forcefully, smiling when he
watched her explode with her orgasm, before feeling his own body react to her,
pulsing deep within her silken depths.

Spike caught his breath as he rolled away from Buffy, his hands
immediately going up to cover his face.

‘This was wrong,’ he thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Spike slowly sat up and stayed in a sitting position for several minutes as
Buffy watched him. Tentatively covering her body with her sheet, Buffy
reached out and touched his back. Spike jumped at the delicate touch.

“Is something wrong?” Buffy asked softly.

“Yes,” he mumbled in a hoarse voice. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m
sorry, Buffy.”

Buffy looked at him incredulously as he turned to face her. “You’re
sorry?” she whispered, not able to believe him.

“I was being weak. I shouldn’t have done that, luv. I didn’t want to
use you.”

“Use me?” The pain in Buffy’s heart seemed to multiply at the words.

Spike watched the emotions playing out on Buffy’s face and reached for
her, only to have his hand batted away. Buffy felt the tears spring to her
eyes again as Spike began gathering his clothes off the floor and getting
dressed.

Once he was fully dressed, Spike turned to Buffy, noticing the pain on
her features as she stared down at the sheet wrapped around her body.
“Buffy-“

“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head and swallowing, trying to get
rid of the lump in her throat. “You made it perfectly clear. One last
hurrah,” she said, looking into his eyes to gauge his reaction. “Hope it was
fun for you.”

Spike gritted his teeth. “It’s not like that, Buffy.”

“No? You said it yourself. You used me.”

Spike squeezed his eyes shut at his own poor choice in words. “I
didn’t mean it that way, luv.”

“There’s not a lot of ways to take it, Spike. You needed a release…I
was just available, right? Like the good ole days?”

Spike stared at her in surprise at the loathing that seemed to lace
through her words. “I never treated you like a conquest, Buffy,” he said
through gritted teeth. "You were the only one who ever meant anything to me."

"Times change, huh?"

"You were never a conquest," he said again, his temper rising.

She painfully stood up, favoring her knee while pulling the sheet with her, as she stared into his eyes.
“Not until tonight.”

The words were spoken so quietly, Spike almost didn’t hear them. When
he comprehended what she said, rage flooded through him at her
insolence.

Buffy saw the look in his eyes that she had never seen before and took
several steps back, bumping into the wall as he advanced on her.
Standing so close to her, she could feel his breath on her cheek. Spike
whispered, “Don’t talk to me that way, little girl.”

Buffy looked up into the eyes of a man she didn’t recognize. “Spike,
you’re scaring me,” she whispered in a soft voice.

She watched as he immediately snapped out of it, looking into her
frightened eyes. ‘What the hell is wrong with you, you ponce?’ Spike thought to
himself. ‘This is the second time you’ve been in contact with this
woman in as many months, and you make her terrified of you both times. Can’t
blame it on the alcohol this time, you wanker.’

“I would never harm you, Buffy. Please believe that.”

“I think you should go.”

“Buffy, please believe me, luv. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t even think of it.”

“Spike…I believe you. But it still doesn’t change the fact that you
don’t want to be with me anymore. So I think you should go.”

Spike saw the pain in her eyes as he turned to walk out. Reaching the
doorway, he looked over his shoulder at her. “I didn’t say I didn’t want
to be with you, luv. I just don’t think this is the right time for us.”

Buffy stared after him as he walked down the stairs, not moving from
her spot as she heard the front door close behind him. “Then when is?”

Chapter 14


Buffy stood in the aisle of the drugstore almost two months later. She
stared at the rows and rows of boxes, each offering some ‘special’ way of
finding out if you’re pregnant.

Buffy chewed on her lower lip as she surveyed the options, picking up
several of the boxes and reading the contents before letting out a sigh.
“This is ridiculous,” she muttered to herself. “You’re just a few days late,
and you’ve had no morning sickness. You shouldn’t even be here.”

As she said the words, the nagging voice in her head reminded her of what
she didn’t want to believe. The same little voice that reminded her that
she had stopped taking her birth control pills a few weeks after Spike had
walked out on her. She was pregnant. The test hadn’t confirmed it yet,
but Buffy knew her body, and she was pregnant. Her breasts were swollen and
tender to the touch, she had completely lost her appetite, and she was
exhausted all the time.

With another heavy sigh, Buffy grabbed a box in which the results would be
shown with a bright pink line. That would be clear enough for her. She
took the box to the checkout, never making eye contact with the clerk as she
paid, and left the store.

Once she got home, Buffy dashed for the upstairs bathroom. She couldn’t bear
to look at the test as she set it on the counter and went to lie down on her
bed as she waited the required time limit. The seconds seemed to tick by
endlessly as she pondered over her options.

She couldn’t have an abortion. She knew it just wasn’t in her to do that.
Adoption was always an alternative, but Buffy couldn’t imagine giving away
her child. Whether she liked it or not, she had gotten herself into this
mess, and she would be the one to get herself out of it. Even if it was the hard
way. At the back of her mind, going off like a neon sign, was the fact that
she could be carrying Spike’s baby. This could be the last remainder of
their relationship that she would be able to hold onto.

Buffy knew this was a selfish motive for keeping a baby, but she had lost so
much already. Her mother wasn’t there to help with the added
responsibilities, her father had practically disowned her since she hadn’t
heard from him in years. She knew her friends would stick by her, but she
was increasingly worried about what Spike would say. Would he be mad?
Would he try and talk her into getting rid of it?

Thoughts fluttered through Buffy’s head as she looked at the clock and
realized it was time. Slowly getting up from her position on the bed, Buffy
made her way to the bathroom. Taking a deep breath as she entered, she
slowly walked over to the test strip, feeling all the air in her body leave
her as she saw the glowing strip of pink. Her world came crashing down
around her as reality seemed to infect every part of her body. She had
known, but actually seeing it laid out in front of her was a different
story.

Buffy grasped the countertop as a hand reflexively went to her stomach. A
stomach that now had a tiny life growing inside. She shook her head, trying
to get the foggy images to leave her vision as she tried to focus on what
this meant. Images of the coming months seemed to dance in front of her
eyes. Visualizations of a crib and diapers and formula, not to mention what
she was going to do about money.

What would Spike say? Surely he would be shocked. Would he even believe
that it was his baby? They had been broken up for months, and as far as he
was concerned, the night that she considered a reconciliation, he had
considered good-bye. Buffy realized she couldn’t tell him. Not as if she
would be given the option- he had avoided her like the plague since that
night, going so far as to ask Giles to separate their departure/arrival
times for their shifts by at least an hour.

“No,” Buffy mumbled to herself. “He has a life now that doesn’t involve
me. He doesn’t need to worry about this for the next nine months. I just
won’t tell him right now.”

Even as she said it, she began to feel guilty. She knew that he deserved to know.

“It’s not like I’m going to keep his child from him,” Buffy cried in
exasperation as she argued with herself. “Right now he doesn’t need to
concern himself with it.”

At the same time, Buffy knew that she had to tell Giles. She would have to
quit the Magic Box, and the idea of lying to Giles about her reasoning for
quitting sent a pain through her heart. He had been so good to her over
the years, taking the place of Buffy’s absentee father. She knew that she
could trust him to keep the baby a secret for the time being, even if he
didn’t agree with her reasoning.

Buffy took a deep breath as she walked down the stairs and out the front
door. First thing’s first, she had to find a replacement job…and soon.

* * * * *

Buffy stepped out of Giles’ office a week later with a heavy heart.
She had come in on her day off to talk to him privately, and she felt
horrible for just blurting out the news of her pregnancy the way she did.
Shutting the door behind her, Buffy turned and slammed into a solid chest.
Looking up into the bright blue eyes of the man she still loved, Buffy felt
short of breath, wondering if he’d heard her conversation with his father.
She had to refrain from covering her mouth, hoping that she wouldn’t have a
sudden bout of nausea that had developed over the last couple of days.

“Buffy,” Spike greeted with a slight nod of his head.

Buffy felt panic overtake her that he knew about the baby but was waiting
for her to say something. “Hello, Spike.”

“Is dad in there?”

Buffy felt relief wash over her at his question. “Um…yeah…yeah, he’s in
there.”

As Buffy began to walk away, she felt Spike’s hand on her arm and the
electricity that seemed to shoot through her body whenever he touched her.
“You okay, Buffy? You look a little…under the weather.”

‘Oh, just morning sickness,’ she thought as she stared at him. Outwardly,
Buffy shook her head. “I’m fine. Better than ever.”

Spike flinched at the tone of her voice. She definitely wasn’t better than
ever, but it wasn’t his business anymore. “Just checking, luv.” He saw the
hurt that flashed over her face at being called ‘luv’ and instantly felt
sorry for it. “Listen, Buffy, I know I’ve been ignoring you and-“

“I need to go,” she said, stepping away from him. “I, uh…I have to…go.”
Turning around, Buffy made a dash for the front of the store, leaving a
bewildered Spike standing behind her with an aching heart.

* * * * *

Buffy made it all the way home before the tears started. Shutting the front
door behind her, she slowly sat down on the floor, curling her knees up to
her chest as she let the tears fall. After a few minutes, she managed to
get her emotions under control. “It’s your fault he left, Buffy,” she
muttered to herself as a final tear slid down her cheek. “It’s your fault
you ignored him, and now he doesn’t want you.” With a deep breath, she stood
up and made her way into the living room as the phone rang.

“Hello,” she said in a hoarse voice.

“Buffy, are you okay?”

Buffy smiled at the concern in her best friend’s voice. “I’m fine, Wills.”

“You don’t sound like it.”

“I told Giles.”

“Oh Goddess! How’d he take it?”

“Really well, considering. I would have been fine, except when I left his
office, Spike was standing there.”

Willow gasped. “Buffy, he didn’t overhear you telling Giles, did he?”

“I don’t think so. It was just a forced, awkward conversation.”

“Did Giles agree with your decision not to tell him?”

“I think agree is too strong a word, but he was being supportive guy.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Considering he’s the only family I have left, yeah, it’s good.”

“He’s not the only family, Buffy. You have me and Xander.”

“Thank you, Willow. Speaking of which, you don’t think Xander’s going to
blab to Anya, do you? Because if he does, then my quitting was useless.”

“I think this might be one secret he is very capable of keeping. Don’t
worry about it, Buffy.”

“Okay,” Buffy said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“So, you’re really going to start working at the Doublemeat Palace, huh?”

“I start the day after tomorrow. I gotta say, it’s not exactly the career
decision I had in mind, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“Yeah,” Willow mumbled softly. “Maybe when Spike quits at the end of the
summer, you can come back to the shop.”

“Maybe,” Buffy said noncommittally. “I should probably go, Wills. I’m
wiped out. It’s been a stressful day.”

“Okay, you get some rest, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

* * * * *

Spike sat in silence with his father later that night as he watched Giles
pour over the books. He had been waiting all day to see if maybe Giles
would mention why Buffy was here on her day off, and so far, he hadn’t even
mentioned her name.

“So, uh, I saw Buffy earlier.” Spike broached the subject carefully.

“Yes, she was here,” Giles responded, never looking up from his books.

Spike almost growled in frustration. “Any particular reason?”

Giles sighed and looked into his son’s eyes. Buffy was trusting him with a
very precious piece of information, and he really didn’t want to violate that
trust. On the other hand, his flesh and blood was sitting across from him
and had no idea that he would be a father by the time the year was out.
Giles let out another deep sigh as he came to the decision that it was
Buffy’s news to tell. He would only step in if absolutely necessary, and
right now, the last thing Buffy needed was his very temperamental son
crashing through her door.

“She came to let me know she was leaving.”

“What do you mean leaving?” Spike demanded as he felt a flash of panic at
the thought that she was moving out of town.

“She is no longer a Magic Box employee.”

Spike stared at him in disbelief for several moments. “And where is she
going to get money?”

“She said she had another job lined up, and before you ask me, no…I have no
idea where she will be working. I suggest if you want to know, you should
call and ask her yourself.”

Spike stared down at the table as he digested the information. “It’s
because of me, isn’t it?” he asked his father quietly.

“I think you were the deciding factor,” Giles said as soothingly as
possible.

“But she loved this job. She shouldn’t have left because of me.”

Giles stayed silent, realizing that his son was addressing himself. After a
few minutes, Spike looked up and met the warm eyes of his father. “I’ve
really messed this up, haven’t I, Dad?”

“That’s not for me to say, son. This is between you and Buffy…my opinions
have no bearing whatsoever on this relationship.”

Spike sat, lost in his own thoughts, as Giles turned back to his work.

Chapter 15


Buffy rubbed her aching back as she waited on the endless line of
customers. She was in her fifteenth week of pregnancy, and her belly
was already beginning to swell. Although the doctor’s bills were practically
bleeding her dry, considering she didn’t have maternity insurance, Buffy found
herself getting more excited by the day. At least on the days that she
didn’t have to go to work at the DMP, that is.

The doctors told her that she would be able to feel the baby’s
movements in a few weeks, and Buffy found herself looking forward to it
and always concentrating on her stomach, hoping to feel any type of sensations.

Buffy glanced at the clock as she served yet another customer. Only
a few more minutes, and she would be free to go home. Manny the Manager had
been putting her on double shifts for the past three days since she didn’t
have to go to classes like other employees that were taking summer classes at the university.
Buffy was really regretting dropping out of college after her mother died.
She had limited so many of her options, and working sixteen hours a day
was making body parts that she didn’t even know she had ache with fatigue.


She was planning on going back to school, hopefully after the baby came. She knew that she would have to provide for both of them and she wasn’t about to ask for help from anyone. Buffy knew that Giles would offer whatever assistance he could and when she told Spike, he would want to be involved, hopefully. But, she didn’t want to be dependent on anyone. She would make a life for herself and her child.


Her life was finally coming together, despite the fact that she worked at a fast food restaurant, she wouldn’t be there forever. The only gaping hole seemed to be Spike and her mother’s absence. It was still felt everyday, but Buffy was beginning to move on. She wasn’t over Spike, but she knew that she could be her own person without him. She was getting emotionally stronger everyday and she knew part of that was due to the fact that she was going to be a mother in a just a few months. Buffy didn’t need a man to survive and she clung to that belief during the hard times.


Buffy smiled in relief as the next shift of workers replaced the
existing ones. She quickly clocked out, ripping the stupid hat off her head
and pulling her long hair down from its elastic holder. She took a deep
gulp of the warm spring air, trying to get the aroma of grease and meat out
of her body.

Buffy began walking home, pausing when she got to the edge of the
parking lot, and saw a car parked in one of the last spaces in the area. She
smiled when she saw Angelus O’Shea step out of the car. Angel was a pre-med
student at UCSunnydale, doing his internship at the hospital when Buffy
had a doctor’s appointment a few months ago. The two had struck a fast
friendship when Buffy confided her problems to Angel, telling him
everything from her relationship with Spike, to her pregnancy, to
having to work at the DMP. Angel had been a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to
cry on, all rolled into one. It was good for Buffy to be able to talk to someone
who wasn’t directly involved with her life. Someone who didn’t know
Spike and have any preconceived notions of their relationship together.

Buffy was greeted with a hug as she got closer to Angel. This had
become an almost nightly occurrence that he would pick her up after work. Angel
didn’t like the idea of Buffy walking home alone in this town, let alone
after being on her feet for several long hours. Buffy was quickly turning
into his best friend, and he cherished that fragile friendship, giving
her rides to her doctors appointments and making sure she was eating
properly.

Buffy was grateful to have a new friend at this time in her life. Someone who didn’t judge her based on her unmarried and pregnant status. She was
thankful for the support that Willow and Xander gave her-they were
truly her family. And she had received at least two phone calls a week from
Giles, asking about her and the baby. But she knew it was difficult
for all of them. Spike was Giles’ son and Willow’s friend. He had even
struck a chummy friendship with Xander, once Xander began dating Anya and his
attention was off of Buffy.

Buffy found it hard to talk about her problems with any of them,
knowing it was just as awkward for them to sit and listen to her.

“How are you doin’, Buff?”

“Aside from the pain in my back and feeling like my feet are going to
fall off at any moment? I’m doing good.” Angel smiled as he helped her
into the car. “You know, Angel, I’m not made of glass. I won’t break.”

Angel nodded. “I know, Buffy. But you’re pregnant, and that means
‘handle with care’ in my book.”

“I’m barely even showing yet. Just a tiny bump that you can’t even see.”

“Buffy, let me be your friend and do this, okay?”

Buffy let out a sigh and nodded. “Thank you. I know I’m being a first
class brat these days.”

“No, you’re just carrying someone twenty-four hours a day.”

Buffy smiled. The more she got to know Angel, the more she wished she
could have romantic feelings for him. He was a wonderful man who always put
her first, but the sparks just weren’t there.

Buffy settled into the comfortable leather of the car seat and let her
eyes fall shut as Angel began the short drive to her house. Before she knew
it, she felt gentle pressure on her shoulder and let her eyelids flutter
open, realizing that they were in front of her house.

“Sorry,” Buffy mumbled as she gave a little stretch. “Didn’t mean to
doze off.”

“That’s okay, you need the rest,” Angel said, helping her out of the car.

“Is that a nice way of telling me I look like crap?” Buffy asked with a
smile.

“Not at all,” he reassured her with a smile of his own as he walked her
to her front door.

“Thanks for the ride home, Angel,” Buffy said, giving him a hug. “I
really appreciate it.”

Angel returned the hug and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He felt protective of Buffy, and the urge to make sure she was safe was overwhelming at times. “It’s no problem, Buffy. I’ll
pick you up tomorrow night, too.”

“Angel, it’s really not necessary. I don’t mind walking.”

“I’m not taking no for an answer. I want you to be safe.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“It’s a date. Bye, Buffy,” Angel called as he walked off the porch as
Buffy unlocked the front door and stepped into the house, neither noticing
the man standing in the shadows of the house, observing the tender display.

Spike watched as the hugs and smiles were exchanged. Heard the ‘It’s a
date’ that the poofter had said when he returned to his car and seen
the affection that poured from both of them. After several months of
having no contact with Buffy, Spike had been taking a walk and ended up in front
of her house. He decided that he should at least try and talk to her since no
one would tell him where she was working. Spike had waited on her
front steps when Buffy didn’t answer the door. He had felt his heart drop
when she had stepped out of the car with tall, dark, and forehead. Quietly
slipping into the shadows, close to the corner of the house, Spike felt
sickened by the fact that this man could be so close to her and Spike couldn’t.

Spike began to walk home, feeling worse than when he’d shown up.

A/N I know a lot of people are worried, but rest assured this is a Buffy/Angel friendship and nothing more. I guarantee it! It is a Spuffy story all the way, but they do have a lot to work through, so don’t expect all their problems to just be magically erased.

Chapter 16


Buffy felt like a blimp. She had literally woken up one morning over a
week ago and looked like she was eight months pregnant, though she was
barely even five months along.

Buffy was lying on a cold table in the doctor’s office with Willow
standing next to her, holding her hand. They had been waiting for the technician
to come in and administer the ultrasound for the past twenty minutes, and
Buffy was growing more nervous as the seconds ticked by.

Angel was out in the waiting room, acting as her own private chauffeur.
Willow watched as Buffy nervously fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.
She was now obviously pregnant. There were no more questions from
strangers asking if she was pregnant. Now the questions were, ‘When’s the baby
due?’ and ‘Is it a boy or girl?’

Buffy didn’t have an answer to the latter of the two, but she was
hoping to remedy that today. If the technician ever got there, that is.

“You feeling okay?” Willow asked softly.

“Yeah, I just really have to go to the bathroom. You know, if they ask
you to drink a gallon of water, the least they could do is be on time for
the exam.”

As the words left Buffy’s mouth, the door to the room opened, and a
short older man walked in. “Miss Summers, my name’s Doyle, and I’ll be
tending to you today,” he said in a thick Irish brogue. “I’m sorry to keep you
waiting.”

“Oh no, that’s alright,” Buffy said with fake honesty. “My bladder is
usually the size of a grapefruit, so no big deal.”

Willow cringed as Buffy’s hormones got out of line. She had frequently
been unable to control the things she said, often blurting out whatever she had
in her head, whenever she was angry or uncomfortable. Fortunately, the man
smiled at her comment. “Well then,” he said. “Let’s get this show on
the road.”

The girls watched as he rolled Buffy’s shirt, uncovering the swell of
her stomach and squirting some cool, goopy liquid on her skin. Doyle
turned and pushed some buttons on the machine as he ran the sensor over her
stomach. For ten minutes, everyone stayed quiet as Doyle checked the chambers of
the heart and brain functioning, among other things. For the most part,
Buffy had no idea what the fuzzy black and white pictures were. Buffy
noticed him frown a few times and was starting to become worried when he turned to
face her. “Miss Summers, I have it written here that this is your first
ultrasound. Am I correct in that assumption?”

“Yes,” Buffy replied in a shaky whisper.

“So, I’m guessing you were unaware until today that you’re expecting
twins?” Doyle asked with a smile.

Buffy felt her mouth go dry and her vision blur. “Twins?” she asked
breathlessly.

“Yep,” Doyle said, turning to face the monitor again. “See this right
here, that’s one head,” he said, gesturing to a part on the screen before
moving the device to the other side of her stomach. “And there’s the other
one. They’re doing what most twins do, which is cradle each other. Would
you like to know the sex of the babies?”

Buffy nodded as she stared at the screen.

“Well, this one’s the boy,” Doyle said pointing to one baby. “And
here’s a little girl.”

Buffy turned wide eyes to Willow, seeing a reflection of Buffy’s own
face evident in her reaction. “I’m having twins,” she murmured softly.

* * * * *

Buffy didn’t let the panic set it until she was safely alone in her
own house. She sat on the couch, clutching the black and white ultrasound
pictures in her hands. She let the tears fall, wondering how she could
ever provide for herself and two kids. Through the tears, Buffy smiled as
she looked at one of the pictures, seeing the writing that Doyle had typed
on one of the images of the little boy: ‘Mommy’s Little Man.’ Flipping to
the next picture, she saw the photo of the little girl: ‘Mommy’s Baby
Girl.’

“Things will turn out okay,” Buffy whispered to herself. “They have to.”

* * * * *

Buffy stared at the clock as it neared the end of her shift a week
later. She took off her hat as she smoothed her long hair, tossing the hat on
the counter. It was slower than usual tonight, and Buffy had been hoping to
leave early.

‘Wishful thinking,’ Buffy thought as she stared at the clock. Hearing
the door open, Buffy turned to wait on yet another customer and instead
faced a group of four people and found herself looking into the bright blue
eyes of the father of her children.

Spike stared disbelievingly at Buffy’s swollen stomach, his mouth
hanging open slightly, before snapping it shut to clench his jaw so tightly
that he thought it would break. “Been busy, pet?” he asked in a harsh tone.

It was Buffy’s turn for her mouth to drop open. ‘He doesn’t know they’re his.’

Buffy opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to get the words out. Trying to say anything, to let him know that she needed to talk to him, but no words came out. She knew she had to tell him, looking into his eyes that were full of pain, she couldn’t keep the truth from him as she stared into those bottomless depths. But standing under the fluorescent lights of the DMP was not the place that she wanted to have a heart to heart.

Spike felt his anger rise as she didn’t say anything, only to squeeze
his eyes shut as he heard the nasal tone of the woman behind him. “Blondie
Bear, aren’t you gonna order anything?”

Buffy stared incredulously as Harmony appeared from behind Spike.
Standing behind him with confused expressions on their faces were an
attractive black man and a lovely, slender woman.

Spike saw the expression on Buffy’s face and felt the need to evoke
some kind of reaction in her. Slipping an arm around Harmony’s shoulders,
he smiled as Buffy tightened her jaw. He knew it was wrong- this annoying
woman didn’t mean a fraction of what Buffy meant to him, but he
couldn’t help himself. He had simply been offered the chance to go out with
some co-workers from the restaurant after they left work, and he’d taken them up on it.
Unfortunately, one of the hostesses was Harmony.

“So, Spikey, are we gonna order or- Buffy? Is that you?”

Buffy turned cold eyes to Harmony as she said her name. “Who does it
look like?”

“Oh my God, you got fat!”

Spike cringed at the stupidity and tactlessness of her ridiculous comment. Before Buffy could reply, a younger employee tapped her on the shoulder and motioned for her to leave. Buffy had never felt more relieved at the
end of the shift as she hurriedly backed away from the counter and practically ran through the back area to get out of the building. She definitely wasn’t about to tell Spike, when he was with Harmony. She would have to wait until her emotions were under control. She thought about calling Willow to come and get her but thought better of it. Angel would have been there except he was working the graveyard shift at the hospital. It was a short walk. Buffy would be fine until she got home, save the tears that were threatening to fall.

Buffy disappeared through the back door and quickly began walking
through the parking lot and down the street when she heard footsteps jogging
behind her. Before she knew what happened, her arm was seized as Buffy was
spun around to face a very angry Spike.

“Whose is it?” he demanded.

“What difference does it make to you?” Buffy asked, her own temper
rising.

“It makes a big difference, luv,” Spike replied in a menacing tone.

“Why? Because all of a sudden I’m not ‘Picture Perfect Buffy’ anymore?
Now I’m ‘Knocked Up Buffy’?”

“Whose is it?” he repeated, tilting his head to look at her. “Or do
you even know?”

Buffy felt the tears burn her eyes at the implications of his question.
“You’re right,” she said, her anger momentarily winning out over her
sadness. “I don’t know. I fucked the whole university football team.
Is that what you want to hear? It could have been anyone.”

Spike squeezed his eyes shut, never letting go of her arm. Taking a
shaky breath, he opened his eyes and stared into her own. “I was out of line.
I’m sorry. Please tell me whose it is.”

Buffy felt herself relax as he apologized. “Do you really have to ask me
that?” she asked softly.

“It’s the new guy, isn’t it?” he asked quietly as Buffy stared at him
with a questioning look. “Broody guy, caveman brow,” he said to jog her
memory.

“Angel?”

Spike scoffed. “Poofter.”

“No, Angel’s not the father,” Buffy said with a sigh as she looked down
at the ground. “He’s a friend. And I can’t believe you’re even
questioning who the father is.”

Buffy raised her eyes to see comprehension dawn on Spike’s face.
“Mine?”

“Yours,” Buffy nodded.

“And when were you planning on telling me!” he yelled.

Buffy jumped at the sudden change in his voice. “Spike, it wasn’t anything for you to worry about. I was going to tell you, I swear, but right now, this was my problem. Not yours. I didn’t want you to have to worry about it. I wanted to tell you when I was farther along, that way you wouldn’t have to worry about something that you had no control over.”

Buffy watched as Spike clenched his jaw, trying to keep his temper
under control, and then gazed at him as he whirled around and headed in the
opposite direction. “Where are you going?”

“Away,” he called over his shoulder.

“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Buffy called angrily after him. “Walk away when
the going gets tough. It’s what you're best at!”

She stared at him as Spike came to a halt before slowly turning on his
heel to look at her, taking a few steps toward her again. “Buffy,” he said
calmly. “I find out you’re pregnant with my baby by seeing you at a
bloody fast-food place. Not exactly the news I was expecting tonight, so
forgive me if it’s a little overwhelming.” Spike paused, biting his lip and
looking down at the ground. “I need some time, luv.”

Buffy’s expression softened as she nodded. “Take as much time as you need. You know where to find
me.”

Spike gave her a grateful look as he shoved his hands in his pockets,
turning and walking down the street.

“Spike,” Buffy called, waiting until he turned around before continuing. “I really am sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Spike gave her a small smile and nodded, before turning and walking away.

“And it’s not just one baby,” Buffy whispered to his retreating back,
knowing that he wouldn’t be able to handle that piece of information right now.

Chapter 17


Buffy pulled on her black jogging pants and a white maternity tank top later that
night. She was exhausted after a long night at work and her
confrontation with Spike, and she was looking forward to crawling into her bed.
Halfway up the stairs, she frowned when she heard a soft knock on the door. It
was after midnight, and Buffy definitely wasn’t expecting anyone. With a
sigh, she walked down the stairs, ignoring the residual pain that was
shooting through her lower back, and opened the door. Buffy was shocked at
seeing Spike standing on the other side, his hands braced against the
doorframe, shoulders slumped, eyes downcast. He looked horrible.

“That was fast,” Buffy said softly as Spike raised his eyes to hers.

“Why weren’t you going to tell me, Buffy?”

Buffy sighed. “Come in, Spike. This isn’t the kind of conversation to
have on the front porch.”

Spike walked through the house and dropped onto the couch in the living
room, putting his elbows on his knees. Buffy followed him and decided
to sit in the chair.

“I was going to tell you,” she began softly. “Just not until I was about to have…the baby. I didn’t want you to worry about something that’s my responsibility.”

“I thought we were careful,” he said quietly, looking deep into her eyes.

“Not that last time…I, um, I kind of stopped taking my birth control
after you left. It’s not that safe for the body, and I figured I’d give
myself a break from it since there was no reason to be taking it, but Spike I honestly forgot.”

Spike nodded, the same bewildered look still on his face.

“Spike, I didn’t do this on purpose. You have to believe me…that’s
another reason I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to think I was
trying to rope you back into a relationship with me just because I was
carrying your baby.”

“I know,” he whispered, still not looking at her. “Who knows?”

“Not many, just those who’ve seen me recently. Willow, Xander, and…I
told your dad.”

Spike’s gaze shot up to meet hers. She could see the rage building
under the surface but maintained eye contact. “You told my bleedin’
father?!”

“He’s the only grandparent this baby will have,” Buffy replied quietly,
looking at her hands clasped tightly in her lap. “I thought he should
know.”

“But not the father, is that is?”

Buffy raised her eyes to his. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Spike took several deep breaths, controlling his erratic breathing.
“I’m sorry too, Buffy,” he said, his voice returning to the normal tone.
“You’re right, he should know. I just figured he would have clued me in, is all.”

“He was just doing what I asked, Spike. Don’t be mad at him, you should be mad at me.”

“I should be,” Spike said with a nod. “But I’m not.” He slowly stood up to begin pacing around the living room. “Boy or girl?”

The question shocked Buffy. “What?”

“Do you know yet?”

Buffy gulped. “That’s kind of the other thing I was needing to tell you.”

Spike stopped his pacing to turn and face her. “There’s nothing wrong,
is there?”

“No,” Buffy said shaking her head. “Not for me anyway. I-I’m not sure
how you’ll react.”

Spike came to crouch in front of Buffy. “What is it, pet?”

Buffy took a deep breath. “I’m having twins.”

The look on Spike’s face would have been comical if the situation
wasn’t so serious. “Twins?”

“A boy and a girl.”

Spike stared at her in shock for another moment before fusing his lips
with hers. Buffy jumped at the sudden feel of his mouth on hers, his
fingers running through her hair. The kiss wasn’t passionate- it was needy and
reassuring at the same time. Spike broke away, not removing his hands
from her hair, as he looked into her eyes.

“You’re having my babies.”

For the first time that night, Buffy saw a genuine smile playing on his
lips as she nodded. “I am.” Pushing him away as he went in for another
kiss, Buffy jumped from the chair and walked to the center of the room,
hugging her arms around the expanse of her swollen belly.

“Buffy?”

“I’m not looking for sympathy, Spike.”

“That’s good, luv, because I wasn’t giving any,” Spike said, coming up
behind her to gently rub her shoulders.

“This isn’t an open invitation to get back together,” she said softly, tears in her eyes, her mind screaming at her to just continue kissing him and pretend the last year had never happened.

Spike turned her around to face him, tilting her watery eyes up to look
in his. “And why’s that, baby?”

Buffy held his gaze as she replied, “Because if we were to get back
together, I would always know that it was because I was having your
children…not because you actually want to be with me.”

“That’s not true, Buffy.”

“Really?” she asked disbelievingly. “So you would be here tonight, even if I
wasn’t pregnant? You would have walked through that door, stood in front of
me, and kissed me if you’d just run into me?”

Spike stayed quiet, his mouth opening slightly, no sound coming out.

“That’s what I thought,” Buffy said quietly. “I’m not looking for someone to take care of me, Spike. I can do that just fine on my own. But I do want you to see your children.”

“And I don’t have a say in this?”

“No…not when it’s me. You can have all the say you want when it comes
to these babies.”

“Buffy.” Spike reached up to gently caress her cheek as Buffy side-stepped him.

“No,” she said firmly. “This isn’t open for debate.”

Spike looked at her pain-filled eyes as he nodded. Buffy walked him to
the front door as he turned to look at her. “You’re not working at that
burger place, Buffy.”

“Spike, I have to. I need the money.”

“I can get money. You’re quitting tomorrow.”

“Spike-“

“Buffy, I’ll talk to my dad. I’m sure he’ll let you back on staff at
the Magic Box.” When Buffy didn’t say anything, he continued, “Please. I
want you to be safe, and I don’t like the idea of you working at that place.”

Buffy sighed and nodded. “If Giles says it’s okay…I’ll come back.”

Spike dropped a tender kiss on her forehead, noticing the tension in
her body as he did. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, luv.”

Buffy nodded as she closed the door behind him, allowing the tears to fall. She wanted him so much, but she didn’t want the babies to be the reason.

Spike stood on the front porch, staring at the door for a minute, a
smile playing on his lips. ‘Just wait, Buffy,’ he thought. ‘We’ll be happy again. Just wait.’

A/N This is a very interesting story as far as reviews go. Most people tell me they love it, but then the rest are divided. Half think Buffy should get her act together and realize that she pushed Spike away and should deal with the consequences and the other half think Spike doesn’t deserve her since he walked out on her during a hard time and then slept with her and used her. I guess it’s good that I’m writing human qualities, since, in life, no one takes the same sides, LOL. But I am really hoping I can untangle this by the end of the story. Hopefully, this chapter will work on redeeming both of them. We still have a way to go, but the biggest of the angst is almost over. This chapter is angsty, but I think it ends on a high point. I promise it’ll start to lighten up a little bit, next chapter. :-)



Chapter 18


Nearly a month later, Buffy had successfully left the Doublemeat Palace and
took her job back at the Magic Box. Giles had been thrilled that she was
rejoining the staff, and he was more shocked than Spike to find out Buffy
was expecting twins. Buffy hadn’t told Giles since she’d wanted to keep it
a secret a little while longer. And she was nervous how he’d react to being
a grandfather to not one, but two, babies.

Anya had yelled at Xander for over an hour for keeping news this big a
secret, going as far as to threaten to withhold all orgasms for a week.
Xander had immediately told Anya everything that he knew, hoping to get back
in her good graces. Luckily, Anya couldn’t go without the orgasms herself,
so she relented.

Now, as Buffy sat at the round table in the shop, she listened with half an ear as Willow and Anya made plans for later that night. Buffy’s thoughts kept drifting to Spike. She hadn’t seen him much since he left her house the
night he found out about the babies. He had been making an effort, considering she didn’t see him at all before that, but he was still busy with work and rarely stopped by. He no longer worked at the Magic Box, since summer was almost over. Though, he did make sure to call and check on her everyday, but the conversations always seemed forced.

“What do you think, Buff?”

Buffy looked up at Willow’s expectant face. “I’m sorry, Wills. What did you
say?”

“We were wondering if you wanted to go to the movies tonight?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, that sounds good,” Buffy said before turning to Anya. “You
don’t have plans with Xander tonight?”

“Not until much later. We agreed to meet up for some late-night sexual
activities.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow and looked at Willow. “He and Oz are Bronzing
tonight.”

“Ahh,” Buffy said with a nod of understanding.

“So what are we watching?”

“The new Brad Pitt movie,” Willow replied.

“Yes, he takes his shirt off and sweats quite profusely,” Anya said in
agreement.

Buffy laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”

* * * * *

Buffy laughed with her friends as they exited the Sun Cinema a few hours
later. It felt good to relax and have a good time for a change.

“So you up for the Bronze, Buffy?” Willow asked.

Buffy smiled. “Looking like I have a watermelon under my shirt, I don’t
think I would be very much fun in a club, but thanks for asking.”

“We’ll walk you home,” Anya offered.

Buffy looked at her in surprise. It wasn’t that Anya wasn’t nice, it was
simply that she didn’t do very many selfless things.

Buffy smiled. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay. You two go and have a good time.”

“Well, at least stop by for a few minutes, Buff,” Willow replied. “It’s
practically on your way home, and there’s no cover tonight.”

“Okay,” Buffy agreed with a nod. “I’ll say hi to the boys, but then I’m
heading home.”

“Yay,” Willow said with a bright smile. “Let’s go!”

* * * * *

As the girls walked into the Bronze, Buffy felt severely out of place. It
didn’t matter that she was dressed in a black skirt and tank top,
considering the shirt was a maternity top. She bit her lip nervously as
she followed her friends toward the area with the pool tables.

“Hey, it’s the Buffster,” Xander said, giving Buffy a hug. “Haven’t seen
you in a while, Buff.”

“I know, I’ve been anti-social gal lately. Sorry,” she said with an
apologetic smile. “I just stopped by to say hi. So…hi!”

Xander smiled. It was nice to see his friend happy for a change.

“Hi, Oz,” Buffy said with a wave as Willow made her way over to talk to her
boyfriend.

“Buffy,” he acknowledged with a mock salute.

Buffy turned to the man and the woman watching the new arrivals from the
other side of the table. “I don’t know you,” Buffy said with a small smile.
“I’m Buffy.”

“Oh, sorry, Buff,” Xander said. “This is Charles Gunn and Fred Burkle.”
Xander introduced them as she shook their hands.

“Call me Gunn,” the man said. “We’re friends of Spike’s.”

“Oh, okay, I knew I’d seen you before. It’s nice meeting you,” Buffy
replied. “Well, I’ve done what I came to do,” Buffy said, turning to Willow.
“I think I’m gonna head home.”

“Don’t you want to see Spike?” Fred asked as Buffy turned to face her.

“Spike’s here?”

“Uh...Buff, why don’t I walk you home,” Xander said, taking Buffy’s elbow.
Anya was about to say something when Willow’s eyes widened, and she took hold of Anya’s arm.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, seeing her friends' reactions. “Why is
everyone-“

Buffy stopped herself as she turned to the dance floor and saw Harmony
draped all over Spike. Swallowing the lump that entered her throat and
blinking back the tears that burned her eyes, Buffy took a deep breath. “I
better go,” she said softly, heading toward the door.

“Buffy, they’re just dancing,” Oz spoke up.

“It’s okay,” Buffy said, turning to face them as she backed away. “I wasn’t
planning on staying anyway. I’m just tired. I need to get home.” Pasting a
fake smile on her face, Buffy dashed for the door.

Stepping outside, Buffy made her way through the alley, taking in deep gulps
of the late summer air. The nights were beginning to cool off slightly,
and Buffy was grateful that it wasn’t a sweltering night. As she got to the
entrance of the alley, Buffy turned in the opposite direction of her house,
deciding to take the long way home.

Hugging her arms securely around her body as she walked, Buffy fought off
the tears that were threatening to spill.

“This is ridiculous,” she said to herself. “You’ve been broken up for more
than half a year- of course he’s going to move on eventually. You were the
one that told him you weren’t going to go back to him.”

‘Yeah, but because you weren’t sure if he just wanted you because of the
babies,’ that annoying little voice in her head said to her. ‘Not because
you’re not in love with him. And did he have to choose Harmony?’

Buffy hugged her arms more firmly around her midsection as she cut through a
cemetery. She walked slowly as her mind kept turning over every detail of
the last year.

The anniversary of her mother’s death was approaching, and Buffy felt herself being sucked back into the depression she was in a year before. She was making a conscious effort to avoid going to that darker place, knowing that she would eventually be fine. She had two wonderful little babies to welcome into the world and that thought comforted her and brought more happiness than she had felt in a long time. Making a decision, Buffy made a sharp left and began walking faster. A few minutes later, she found herself standing in front of a grave. Buffy kneeled down, tracing the letters etched into the stone.

“Hi, Mommy,” she whispered softly. Sitting down in the soft grass, Buffy
leaned her head against the cold surface. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around
to talk. I just miss you so much, and it feels like…it felt like if I didn’t
come here, then you were still with me, you know? That if I didn’t
acknowledge that you really weren’t here, you’d just come walking back into
my life one day. I just wish you were here with me,” she murmured as tears
streamed down her cheeks. Buffy swallowed hard as she continued, “You’re
gonna be a grandma pretty soon. I know I’m still young, but…I hope I’m as
good a mother as you were to me. I’m having a boy and a girl,” Buffy said,
a smile making it’s way to her face.

“Spike’s the dad. He, um, he took it better than I thought he would,” she
said with a nod. “We’re not together, though. I, uh, I…shut him out…after
you died. I really messed up, Mom. I felt like I was losing everyone in my
life and…it just made sense to push him away before he could leave me. I
realize it now, even though I didn’t know I was doing it at the time. I
made a mistake. I still love him so much…I don’t know how he feels, but
he’s moving on. And he should,” Buffy said with clarity in her voice. “If
he didn’t, then I’d always question whether he wanted to be with me for me
or because I just happened to get pregnant.”

Buffy clutched at the hard stone as if her life depended on it. This was her only link to her mother,
and she felt the despair set in as the tears flowed freely, “I miss him so
much, Mommy. But if he hadn’t broken up with me, I wouldn’t be having
these babies. Why couldn’t he have stayed that night? Why did he have to
leave again? Why did I have to push him away? Why do I have to be without the two people I need more than
anybody else in this world?” The last words were barely a choked whisper
as the sobs were ripped from her throat.

* * * * *

Buffy stayed in the cemetery for hours, jerking her head up from it’s
position on the stone when she saw the sky begin to brighten. Rubbing her
puffy eyes, Buffy stretched her sore muscles, realizing that she must have
fallen asleep. Standing shakily to her feet, Buffy started the walk home.
The temperature had dropped dramatically since she had begun her walk home
hours earlier, and Buffy rubbed her bare arms, trying to ward off the chill.

As she turned onto her street half an hour later, she was grateful that
Giles had given her the day off. She knew that she’d need the extra rest
after spending the night in a graveyard.

Buffy was so fatigued as she approached her house, she almost didn’t see
him. The rising sun radiated over his body as he sat with his head in his
hands.

“Spike?” Buffy said softly.

At the sound of her voice, Spike’s head shot up, and Buffy could see the
shadows of dark circles on his face as he looked up at her with red eyes.
“Buffy?” he asked as if he didn’t believe it was her.

Before Buffy could reply, she was encircled by strong arms as Spike enveloped
her in a desperate hug. Holding her as though he was afraid she’d
disappear, Spike pulled back to look into her eyes. Brushing the hair out
of her face, he stared deep into her eyes. “Where have you been?”

The question was soft, but Buffy could hear the worry and anger underneath
the surface. “I fell asleep,” she said quietly.

“I thought something had happened to you,” he said, locking his hands behind
her neck tenderly as he looked down at her. “Where’d you go?”

“I went to talk to my mom,” Buffy replied, not looking in his eyes.

“You fell asleep in the graveyard?” Spike asked incredulously. “Buffy, do
you have any idea how dangerous that is?”

“I’m fine,” Buffy said with an edge to her voice, disengaging herself from the hold he had on
her. “It’s not like I planned it,” she continued, heading up the porch
steps.

“Buffy, you could have-“ Spike stopped as he grabbed her arm to turn her
around. “Bloody hell, woman! Your skin feels like ice!”

“Well, then wouldn’t it make sense to let me go inside?” Buffy asked with a
raised eyebrow. She watched in amazement as Spike quickly shook off his
duster and wrapped her up in it. The aroma of his cologne and cigarette
smoke engulfed her as she snuggled into the warmth it provided. Spike took
her keys from her and quickly unlocked the door, ushering her into the house
and shutting the door behind them. Helping Buffy onto the couch, Spike
grabbed a blanket from the chair and wrapped it around her, providing as
much extra warmth as he could.

“Wait here,” he commanded, pointing a finger at her in warning. Buffy
sighed as he walked toward the kitchen and leaned back into the couch,
letting her eyes close.

“Buffy.”

Buffy jumped at the sound of her name, looking into Spike’s sapphire eyes.

“Sorry, luv. You must have nodded off,” he said, softly brushing a lock of
hair out of her eyes as he sat down on the coffee table. “Drink this, and then it’s off to bed.”

Buffy looked at the hot chocolate he was holding and was assaulted by the
memories of her mother making the same thing for her so many times. Taking
the mug from him, Buffy held it for a moment, letting the warmth spread to
her hands, as she stared down into it.

“Why did you go last night, luv?”

Buffy sighed. “Because I needed to talk to someone. Someone who wouldn’t
judge me,” she whispered as her eyes filled with tears again.

Spike gently tilted her head up to look in her eyes. “Why didn’t you come to
me, baby?”

Buffy stared into his face for several moments, letting the emotions play
over her face as she thought about what she should say. Letting her
jealousy win out, she replied, “You were a little busy.”

Spike closed his eyes briefly before reopening them to kneel in front of
her. “Buffy, I came after you as soon as I heard you were there. I know
you saw me dancing with Harmony, and that’s all it was, luv. A dance. I
have no interest in Harmony or anyone else, for that matter.”

Buffy gasped, nearly dropping her mug as she felt the sudden movement in her
abdomen. She had felt tiny stirrings over the last few weeks but never
something this strong.

“What’s wrong?” Spike asked fearfully as Buffy’s hand went to her stomach.
“Buffy, what’s wrong? Do you need to go to the doctor?”

Spike was already beginning to stand when Buffy’s hand reached out to grasp
his. “Spike, I’m fine. The babies moved.” She watched as a look of
surprise then awe came over his face as he dropped down to his knees,
a smile spreading across his face.

“Is this the first time?”

“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “But it is the first time they’ve
both moved at the same time. I guess they recognize their daddy,” she said
softly, tears coming to her eyes.

Spike watched as Buffy shrugged out of his coat to lay down on the couch.
Taking his hand, Buffy raised her shirt slightly and placed it gently on
her stomach. “I don’t think anything’s happening, luv,” he said a few
moments later.

“Just give it a minute,” Buffy said. “They like to move when I’m being
still.”

Spike smiled. “Why’s that, luv?”

“The doctor said when I’m moving, it lulls them to sleep. So when I’m being
still, they wake up, ready to play.” Spike’s smile broadened at her
description, only to cause him to freeze when he felt a tiny bump against
his hand. Buffy giggled at the look on his face. Taking his hand, she
pressed it more firmly against her skin.

“I don’t want to hurt you, luv,” Spike said with a worried expression.

“It won’t hurt me,” she replied. “Just keep it at that pressure and-“

Buffy trailed off with a smile as she felt another little thump. The
amazement on Spike’s face grew as the thumping continued against his hand.
“Which one is that, do you know?”

“I think it’s the girl. She’s a little more temperamental. Any time
there’s pressure on my stomach, she always pushes at it or moves away from
it.”

“She is her mother’s daughter then,” Spike said with a smile. “Doesn’t
like anything unless she calls the shots.”

“If that’s true, then he’s his father’s son,” Buffy retorted with a smile on
her face.

“How’s that?” A look of anticipation crossed Spike’s face as he waited for
her explanation.

“He never stops moving,” she replied with a giggle. Spike laughed with her
as he felt more movement against his hand.

The smile quickly left his face as he looked at Buffy. She was staring down
at her stomach, a small smile playing on her face, as she watched the tiny
movements. He stared at her long honey blonde hair, spilling over her
shoulders to frame her face. Her full lips that he ached to feel against
his once again. Gazing down the length of her body, Spike smiled at her
swollen, tight belly that was home to his children. Looking back up at her
face, Spike took his other hand to lovingly stroke her cheek. He watched
as her eyes looked up to meet his in confusion. “You’re beautiful, Buffy,”
he whispered before leaning forward, brushing his lips to her forehead
tenderly before pulling away slowly to look into her eyes again. “Thank
you,” he said softly as she watched him in astonishment.

“For what?”

“For giving me this. For letting me be close enough to you to actually
feel these two little miracles.”

Buffy smiled, looking down as she felt another wave of emotions flood
through her. “I should be the one thanking you. You’re the reason they’re on the way."

Chapter 19


Buffy woke up several hours later, lying in her own bed. She remembered
Spike feeling the babies move, and she must have fallen asleep on the couch.
Standing up, she looked at the skirt and top that she’d been wearing since
the night before and grabbed a pair of black pants and a sleeveless shirt to
change into after a shower.

Buffy took a long, hot shower, trying to soothe the aching muscles that
never seemed to leave her back, before stepping out and towel-drying her
hair. Getting dressed, she pulled her hair into a loose, damp bun at the
back of her head, tucking the loose strands behind her ears as she started
downstairs.

She noticed it was already getting dark outside when she smelled a heavenly
aroma coming from the kitchen. Confused, Buffy walked through the doorway
and paused when she saw Spike standing at the stove.

“I thought you left,” she said quietly.

Spike turned to face her and walked over, giving her a gentle kiss on the
cheek. “Just to get some food, luv.”

“You’re cooking me dinner?”

“Yep, and you’re going to eat every bite,” he said with a stern look.

“Spike, I don’t need you baby-sitting me.”

“Buffy, when was the last time you ate a real meal?” Spike waited as Buffy
thought about the question. “You see? Now, be quiet and let me feed you,
alright?”

Buffy smiled. “And if I refuse?”

“Well, I’d hate to try and force-feed a twenty year old woman, but I’m not
above it,” Spike replied with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, I don’t really feel like that either,” Buffy said, sitting down at
the island as Spike turned back to the stove.

“So what are you cooking?”

“Lemon-peppered chicken, mashed potatoes, rice, stuffing, and rolls.”

Buffy stared at him with wide eyes as he read the menu. “You’re serious?”

“Completely. Buffy, you need to eat better. You’re not just eating for
you, you know,” he replied.

“I know that, Spike. I’ve known that for over six months now. It’s not
like I’m starving myself. I’m just not the best cook, alright?”

Spike stayed quiet for a few minutes as he finished preparing the food
while Buffy absent-mindedly flipped through a magazine on the island.

“I still want to be with you, Buffy.”

Buffy’s head snapped up to his at the confession. She swallowed hard as she
looked into his eyes. “Spike, I-“

“You don’t believe me. I know…I just thought I owed it to you to tell you.
It’s the truth, Buffy.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Say that you’ll think about it. Tell me that maybe, someday, we’ll get a
second chance.”

Buffy looked down at her hands, shaking in her lap. “Spike, I would just
always wonder if it was because I got pregnant.”

“I get that, Buffy, I do. That’s why I’m not asking for a decision now.
Just give me something, luv. Anything,” he whispered as he walked over to
face her, tilting her head up to look at him.

“Someday…if we’re both sure it’s what we want and not what we feel we should do,” she said with a soft smile.

“Thank you,” he whispered, restraining himself from leaning forward to kiss
her. Stepping away, Spike turned his attention back to the stove.
“So…how’s work?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“Good…very good. Much better than that grease-trap I was working in.”

Buffy watched as Spike began spooning out large portions onto a plate and
walked over to her. “You want to eat here or in the dining room?”

“Here’s fine,” she said with a smile.

Spike set a plate in front of her and went to the refrigerator. Buffy
raised an eyebrow as he returned with a tall glass of milk. “No arguments.”

Buffy raised her hands in mock surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”

Spike arched an eyebrow of his own and gave her a smirk but remained quiet.
Buffy watched as he filled his own plate and grabbed a beer, sitting on the
counter, before coming to sit next to her.

“Now that’s certainly not fair,” Buffy said, gesturing to the beer bottle.

Spike contemplated her for a second with a bemused expression. “You don’t
drink, luv.”

“It’s the principle.” Buffy smiled as she heard Spike let out a chuckle.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before he spoke. “Can I ask you a
question, pet?”

“Sure.”

“We haven’t talked about what we’re going to do after the babies are born.”

“That’s not a question,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Alright, what are we going to do?”

Buffy saw the nervous expression on his face. “I’m not going to keep them
from you. You know that, right?”

“I know…I just…there’s a lot to go over, Buffy. What are you going to do
about money?”

Buffy took a deep breath. “I’ll work something out, Spike. Don’t worry.”

“You know that I’m going to support my children.”

“Just as long as you’re not supporting me,” Buffy replied, looking at him.

“Meaning?”

“I have no problems if you want to buy them whatever you want, but you
will not be giving me an absurd amount of money each month.”

“Buffy-“

“Spike, no.”

“Alright then…what about other things?”

“Like what?”

“Cribs, changing table, a million other things.”

“I’m going to go to a second-hand store and pick up most of those things.”

“You bloody well are not!”

“And why not? There are perfectly acceptable items at those stores!”

“I’ll get it for you.”

“Spike-“

“Buffy, these are my kids. I want them to have the best, so just let me
work a few details out, okay?”

Buffy leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said
softly.

“You know, I don’t hear that from you very often, luv. I like the sound of
it.”

Buffy swatted him playfully on the arm before turning to finish her meal.


A/N Just wanted to ask everyone to look at my AMAZING new website that Steph designed for me! She did a better job than I ever could have hoped for and I love it! Go take a look at the layout (may take a moment to load, because there’s a lot of pictures) and leave me or Steph a message telling us what you think :-) Take a look at the cover art for a lot of the stories, too!

www.unseenshadows.4t.com/ashlee

Chapter 20


A few weeks later, Buffy was being dragged from store to store by an
overzealous Anya. Sundays were her day off, and Buffy was rapidly regretting
her decision of accepting Anya’s invitation to go shopping. She was swiftly
approaching her due date, and she felt as if she was growing bigger by the
day. Spike had been wonderful the past few weeks. Making sure to stop by several times a week. He had been working so much lately, that it had been difficult for the two of them to coordinate their schedules, but he had been calling at least twice a day to check on her.

“Come on, Buffy, just one more store.”

Buffy inwardly groaned but followed Anya into a store on the corner and
gasped when she entered. The store was filled with baby items. Buffy had
studiously avoided these stores since she didn’t have the money to spare at
this time to go and buy anything she wanted. She looked at Anya and had to
smile at the excited expression on her face.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing Buffy’s hand like an eager little girl.
“Let’s go pick out something for those babies.”

“Anya, I can’t right now, I don’t have the money.”

“Nonsense,” Anya replied with a wave of her hand. “I plan on buying them
something.”

Buffy gaped at her friend. “You’re going to spend money on my babies?”

“Well, of course. I’m not a tightwad, I’ll have you know.” At Buffy’s look,
she continued, “I just like to manage my money, is that a crime? Besides,
you’re practically family, and I have a right to spoil my new niece and
nephew.”

Buffy felt tears come to her eyes at Anya’s generosity. “Thank you so
much,” Buffy whispered as she hugged her.

“Okay, enough with the pregnant woman hormones. Let’s pick out something
pretty for those babies.”

For over an hour, the two girls searched through the racks of clothes,
periodically holding up an item for the other to 'ooh' and 'aah' over.

“Found it!” Anya called from the other side of the store as she made her way
back to Buffy. Once Anya reached her, she held up a tiny pink dress trimmed
in white lace with a matching pair of frilly white socks. Buffy gasped when
she saw it and gave an excited hop. “It’s perfect.”

“I know,” Anya said with a smile. “Okay, one down and one to go.”

They searched a little while longer until Buffy came across a little blue
and white sailor suit. Before she even got a good look at it, Anya snatched
it out of her hands and took it up to the register. After the items were
paid for and the woman working asked Buffy all kinds of questions about her
pregnancy, they headed out of the store. Once outside, Buffy gave Anya
another hug. “Thank you so much! It’s so wonderful to know I have your
support.”

“Of course you do, silly,” Anya said, patting her on the back. “Now, let’s
get you home.”

* * * * *

Buffy was practically giddy as she and Anya arrived at her house. Unlocking
the front door, Buffy stepped through and gasped as her friends all stood
there.

“SURPRISE!”

“Oh my God,” Buffy whispered as she took in the blue and pink streamers,
buffet table laden with food and punch, presents piled on a smaller card
table, and the banner that read ‘It’s a Boy & a Girl.’

Buffy looked at her friends and saw that everyone was here. Willow was the
first to approach her. “We thought it would be more fun if we gave you a
surprise baby shower,” she said with a bright smile.

Buffy hugged her best friend. “Thank you so much,” she said, looking around
the room before turning to Anya. “Is this why you dragged me to every store
in town?”

“No, I would have done that anyway.”

Buffy laughed as she turned to see her friends. “Cordy!” she said
excitedly when she saw her friend. Cordelia had moved to L.A. after
graduating high school and was now on a successful sitcom.

“Congratulations, Buffy! I haven’t seen you in forever,” Cordy said, giving
her a hug.

“I know, it’s been a lifetime,” Buffy said, looking around the room. She
could see Giles, Oz, Angel, and even Fred and Gunn. Buffy frowned, turning
to Willow. “Where’s Spike and Xander?”

“Oh, they’re on there way. Xander’s, uh, car broke down, and Spike offered to
go pick him up.”

Buffy nodded, not entirely convinced, but went to greet the rest of her
friends anyway.

By the time she got to Angel, Buffy was already feeling tired. “Sit down,
Buff,” Angel said, leading her to the couch.

“Thanks,” Buffy said with a grateful smile. “I’m sorry I haven’t seen you
in a while. I’m not trying to avoid you or anything.”

“It’s okay, Buffy, I know. I’m just glad you got your old job back,” he
said, taking the seat next to her.

“It’s been a crazy couple of months,” Buffy said with a nod. “I think
things are finally slowing down for the time being.”

“At least until the little ones decide to make an appearance.”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed with a smile.

“When do you start Lamaze?”

“Next week. Three classes, and then I’m ready to go.”

“Listen, if you need a partner or even just a ride to get there, let me
know, okay?”

Buffy was about to reply when she heard a voice over her shoulder, “It’s
already covered, mate.”

Buffy turned to face Spike, glaring daggers at Angel. Before she could say
anything, she saw Angel stand up to face Spike. Feeling like she had no
other option, Buffy stood and planted herself between the two males. Trying
to keep things calm, she fixed a smile on her face. “Spike, this is Angel.
Angel…Spike.”

Buffy could feel the tension radiating off the two as Angel slowly extended
his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said, though the tone didn’t
imply that it was all good things.

Spike warily eyed the hand, but catching the pleading look on Buffy’s face,
decided to try and behave for her sake. Shaking Angel’s hand, Buffy could
tell that they were both practically crushing the other with the pressure of
their mutual grips.

“Uh, guys,” Buffy said hesitantly. “Guys!” When they finally let go of
each other to look at her, Buffy sighed in exasperation before turning to
Spike. “Can I talk to you, outside?”

“Sure thing, luv,” Spike said with a smile. Turning to Angel, the smile
turned almost menacing. “See you around.” As he put his hand on the small
of Buffy’s back to lead her to the back door, Buffy could have sworn she
heard a muttered ‘Poofter,’ but she couldn’t be sure.

Walking out into the backyard, Buffy inhaled the crisp fall air before
turning to face Spike. “What’s with the pissing contest?”

“I don’t know what you mean, luv,” he replied with faux innocence.

“Save it, William,” she said sternly. “Angel’s here because he cares for
me, which means he cares for the twins, so guess what? You both have
something in common.”

“You dragging him out here to give him the same lecture?” he asked with a
tinge of anger in his voice.

“No,” Buffy replied quietly. “Because I expect you to be the bigger man in
this scenario.”

Buffy watched as Spike’s features softened as he tilted his head. “It’s important to you?”

“It is.”

“Then I guess I can try and play nice,” he said with a sigh.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Buffy stood on her tiptoes to give Spike a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”

“Better be careful, pet,” Spike said, opening the back door and allowing her
to walk through first. “I might get used to hearing you say that.”

Spike smirked as Buffy whirled around to smack him in the chest. With a
smile, she looked at him. “I’m going to go talk to Giles. Remember, you
promised.”

“Yeah, yeah. But if he thinks he’s going to take you to that breathing
thing, he’s got another thing coming.”

Buffy giggled. “It’s called Lamaze, Spike. And you never mentioned wanting
to go.”

“Well, I’m mentioning it now, aren’t I?”

Buffy nodded. “Okay. You go play now.”

Spike groaned as Buffy walked off, turning to survey the room. “Alright,
where is the bloody wanker?”

* * * * *

Spike slowly made his way over to Angel, stopping to stand in front of him.
“Alright, Peaches, Buffy wants us to get along, so what do you say we have a
comfortable relationship of hating one another?”

“Fine with me,” Angel agreed with a scoff.

Spike raised an eyebrow at him before taking a deep breath. “Look…Buffy
told me that you were a friend of hers during…while we weren’t speaking. I
want you to know…I appreciate it.” Spike practically had to spit the words
out.

“Yeah,” Angel said with a nod. “She was having a rough time of it. Needed
an outsider's opinion.”

Spike gritted his teeth at the knowledge that this man could know so much
about his relationship with the woman he loved. “Yeah, well…good.”

As Spike turned to walk away, he heard Angel softly reply, “You know I would
give anything to be in your position.”

Spike turned around, his vision blurred as he tried to control the rage that
built up in him. “Are you in love with her?” he asked, trying to refrain
from throwing any punches.

“Love’s a strong word. I care for her, like I care for any of my close
friends.”

“Good to know,” Spike said with loathing in his voice. “Because I’d hate to
have to hurt you.”

Angel laughed. “Like you could.”

Spike took a menacing step closer. “You want to find out?”

“Spike!” Willow cried, stepping in between the two men. “I-I haven’t seen
you today. How are you?”

“Good, Red, and you?” Spike asked, taking a deep breath to control his anger, never taking his eyes away from Angel.

“Oh, good…real good. I think Oz wants to talk to you,” Willow replied
before turning to the taller man. “Angel, would you mind helping me in the
kitchen…please?”

“Sure, Willow. See you around, Spike.”

“Count on it, mate,” Spike said, grinding his teeth as he went to find Oz.

Willow led Angel into the kitchen and fidgeted around with some of the extra
food. “Angel, I’ve gotten to know you over the past few months, and I know
all you want is what’s in Buffy’s best interest.”

“Yeah,” he said, looking at Willow in confusion.

“I think if you want to keep your friendship with Buffy, you’re going to
have to get along with Spike,” Willow said, choosing her words carefully.

“I know,” Angel said with a sigh. “I just hate that he left her alone for
so long.”

“Angel, you know as well as I do that Spike didn’t know she was pregnant.”

“And that stopped him from talking to her at all?”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. But, Buffy could have just as easily have made contact with him and we all know this. Angel, these babies are going to link them together, and you need to decide if you want your friendship with Buffy to last.”

“Present time, everyone!” Anya yelled through the house.

“Just think about what I said,” Willow said, turning to go back into the
living room.

Angel took a deep breath and walked into the living room. He could see
Spike standing close to the front door with a drink in his hand and
approached him. “Okay…you win.”

“Really? Do I get to pick the prize of my choice?”

“I’m trying to apologize, Spike.”

“So sorry, go right ahead,” Spike said, adopting a higher-class British
accent.

“Look…whatever resentments we may have for one another…bottom line is, I
care about Buffy, and I know you do, too. So let’s just try and get along.”

“Sounds good to me, Peaches.”

“Glad you think so, bleach boy,” Angel said with a smile.

Surprisingly, they both shared a chuckle and watched as Buffy sat in a chair
as Anya began running back and forth, delivering presents.

“Open mine first,” she said, handing Buffy a silver bag.

“Anya, you already got the babies something, you didn’t have to do this.”

“Oh, this isn’t for the babies, this is for you.”

Buffy smiled and reached into the bag, pulling out a red lace teddy. Buffy
blushed the color of the garment as Giles took his glasses off and
frantically began rubbing them with a soft cloth. Buffy bit her lip and
looked at Spike, who had a smirk on his face and raised an eyebrow at her,
almost in an invitation.

“Um…thank you, Anya.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. I figured, you’re losing out on a number of orgasms
right now, so if you wear that to bed, you will most definitely make up for
it.”

Spike tried to hide a chuckle as he took a drink, earning a glare from
Buffy.

“I hope you like the style,” Anya continued. “That’s Xander’s favorite,
well, except for the naughty nurse outfit and-“

“Anya!” Xander yelled, getting her attention. “Remember what we’ve talked
about?”

“Oh yes,” Anya replied, rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to
mention the games we play.”

Everyone in the room tried to suppress a chuckle as Buffy opened the next
present.

* * * * *

Half an hour later, the living room was covered in wrapping paper and bows.
Buffy was surrounded by piles of clothes, bottles, diapers, hooded towels,
pacifiers, and teething rings.

“Thank you so much, everyone!” Buffy said with tears in her eyes.

“That’s not all, luv,” Spike said from the corner of the room. Walking over,
he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a standing position. “Come on,
everyone.”

Spike led Buffy up the stairs and down the hall, stopping in front of the
spare bedroom and opening the door. Buffy gasped at the sight in front of
her. The room was painted a soft, powder blue. A crib stood in one corner and
a changing table against the wall, while a glider rocker sat in the other
corner. Buffy couldn’t believe her eyes as she stared into the room.

“Spike, how-“

“We’ve been working on it every chance we get while you’ve been at work.”

“We?”

“Me, Giles, Xander, Oz, Willow…occasionally Anya,” Spike said with a smile.

“The crib and the-“

“Xander made them both.”

Buffy turned to face Xander, the tears finally spilling down her cheeks as
she saw the excited faces of all of her friends.

“Don’t start crying yet, luv. I may still be in some trouble.”

“Why’s that?” Buffy asked, wiping the tears from her face.

“This way,” Spike said, taking her hand again and leading her to her
bedroom. He opened the door, and Buffy looked at the bare room. The walls
were freshly painted a pretty lavender color, but the room was empty. Buffy
looked at Spike in confusion.

“We all talked it over, and we thought you should be the one in the master
bedroom.”

Buffy bit her lip as she thought about it. It was her mother’s room, but it
did make the most sense. “I can’t believe you all did this for me.”

“Well, this room’s not finished, obviously,” Xander said. “We were running
a little behind, and we’ve got the furniture in a truck outside.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as she looked from Spike to her friends.
“Spike-“

“You’re not turning it down, Summers,” Spike said before she could protest.
He took a step closer to her, putting his hand on her stomach. “My babies,
too, remember?”

Buffy smiled before giving him a hug. “You don’t know how much this means
to me,” she whispered as his arms went around her waist.

* * * * *

Buffy told all of her friends good-bye an hour later. Shutting the door
after giving Willow one last hug, she turned around and faced Spike.

“You did too much today, Spike,” she said, leaning against the door with a
smile on her face. The men had spent the last twenty minutes moving the
crib and changing table into the room.

“And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat just to see that look on your face,
luv,” Spike replied softly. Reaching for his coat, he pulled it on as he
walked closer to Buffy. “I better get out of here.”

“Okay,” Buffy said softly.

“Let me know when to pick you up for the class this week.”

“Will do,” Buffy said, nodding her head as she opened the door for Spike.
Watching as he walked through, Buffy called after him as he got to the top
step. “Spike.” She stepped forward as he turned and reached a hand around
his neck, pulling him down to leave a tender kiss on his lips. “Thank you
for being here,” she echoed the words she had told him so long ago.

Spike leaned forward to gently claim her lips in another chaste kiss. “My pleasure, Buffy.”


A/N Alright, before I get the reviews asking why Spike and Buffy are not back together, just keep in mind that they’re slowly rebuilding their relationship. They’re not just going to pick up where they left off, because it’s a lot to work through. With that in mind- review to your heart’s content :-)

Chapter 21


Buffy dressed in her favorite maternity jeans and a white turtleneck
sweater. The Lamaze classes that she had signed up for were only offered on
a Friday night, and the temperature was rapidly dropping as winter
approached. Buffy had left the curl in her hair from her shower that
morning and quickly ran a brush through it as the doorbell rang. Buffy
made her way down the stairs and answered the door, smiling at Spike as he
stood nervously. They hadn’t seen each other since the baby shower, and it
was obvious he wasn’t sure how to act around her.

“You ready?” Buffy asked, grabbing her coat.

“Let’s go, luv.” Spike grasped Buffy’s elbow and helped her out of the
house and down the front steps.

“You know, everyone’s treating me like I’m made of glass,” Buffy said as
Spike opened the car door for her. “I’m not going to break.”

“I know that,” Spike replied, leaning close to whisper in her ear. “You’re
worth a hell of a lot more than glass, baby.”

Buffy felt the tingles rush up and down her spine at the feel of him so
close to her. Spike shut the door after Buffy climbed in and jogged around
to the other side. Starting the car, Buffy jumped slightly when she felt
his hand take hers in a loose hold. She stared out of the window and smiled
at the fact that he was touching her.

* * * * *

Buffy had to suppress numerous giggles as the Lamaze instructor ordered all
the coaches to perform the breathing exercises, to get a better understanding of what the women would be going through.

“Laugh it up, Goldilocks,” Spike muttered under his breath when he saw Buffy
smother yet another laugh.

“Now, Spikey, no talking,” Buffy said. “You have to concentrate on getting
that baby out.”

Spike shot her a glare as he continued the heavy breathing.

“Good job, coaches,” the instructor called from the middle of the circle.

Spike had nearly walked out when they had arrived and he discovered that the
instructor was a man. He didn’t understand how a man could properly coach the correct procedures of having a baby. Buffy had firmly held his hand, arguing that if her OB/GYN was a man, then surely it wouldn’t matter if the
teacher was. Besides, she liked Lorne. He had a friendly demeanor that made her feel at ease with any situation.

As the class ended, Buffy gave Lorne a hug.

“Now you be sure and let me know when those babies get here, cupcake,” Lorne told her. “I definitely want to see the beautiful children you and sugarplum bring into the world.”

“No problem, Lorne,” Buffy said as she grabbed Spike’s sleeve and dragged
him out of the room. “See you next class.”

As they entered the hallway, Spike looked down at Buffy. “I know he didn’t
just call me sugarplum.”

“Of course not, cupcake,” Buffy said with an innocent look.

Spike growled at her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she laughed.
“Have you had dinner, luv?”

“Um…not exactly.”

Spike turned her around, keeping his arms wrapped around her waist as he
stared at her. “What about lunch?”

“Yeah, I had something.”

Spike raised an eyebrow in question as she sighed.

“I did.”

She saw Spike’s jaw tick as he tried to control whatever he was about to
say. “Come on, Buffy.”

As Spike took her hand, Buffy felt herself practically being dragged down
the hallway. “Spike, where are we going?”

“To get you some food.”

Buffy sighed as he pulled her out of the building and opened his car door
for her. “I can grab something at home, Spike.”

“I know you can, but you won’t.”

“Look, I’ve been keeping a close eye on my weight to make sure I’m gaining enough. The nutritionist I talk
to at every doctor's appointment says that I’m fine, so don’t worry about me,
okay? Sometimes I would just rather sleep than do anything else.”

“Well, guess what, Summers? You’re not asleep, so we’re feeding my babies.”

Buffy knew it would be smarter to stay quiet, so she simply got in the car.

* * * * *

Buffy and Spike were soon sitting in an Italian restaurant. Spike took the
liberty of ordering a giant plate of pasta for Buffy, complete with bread
and salad. He watched Buffy carefully as she picked at what was left of her
pasta, scooting it around her plate with a strange expression on her face.

“What’s wrong, pet?”

“Hmm?”

Spike smiled gently at her when she raised her eyes to his. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh…just…a lot on my mind.”

“Such as?”

Buffy sighed, biting her lip for a moment before she spoke. “Do you think
I’ll be a good mom, Spike?” she asked with tears in her eyes.

Spike was up in an instant, sliding in next to her to wrap her in his arms.
“You’ll be a wonderful mom, Goldilocks,” he whispered reassuringly into her ear.

Buffy felt her heart speed up as Spike gently tilted her chin up before
slowly moving toward her lips.

“More wine, sir?”

Buffy had to suppress a giggle at the untimely waiter. The look on Spike’s
face was priceless. “No,” he practically growled through clenched teeth.

Buffy smiled as the man quickly rushed away before cuddling closer to
Spike. It had been so long since she was able to take comfort in anyone
this way, and Buffy relished the feel of his arms wrapping her in a snug
embrace. After a few minutes of comfortable silence and just enjoying the
feel of the other person, Buffy pulled away slightly to look up into his
eyes.

“You know, we’re going to have to pick out some names pretty soon.”

“Well, one thing’s for sure, we’re not naming our son William. Poncey
name,” he muttered under his breath.

“I like William,” Buffy said softly. The double meaning wasn’t lost on
Spike as he looked down into her shining eyes.

“So, what are our choices?” Spike asked after a few moments.

For the next hour, Buffy and Spike discussed a wide array of names, ranging
from the classics to the hilarious before coming to a decision. Anyone who
looked over at the table couldn’t help but smile at the happy couple.



A/N Just a few quick notes. First- I won’t be updating “Mixed Emotions” today. It won’t be updated until Tuesday (when the next chapter of “It Matters to Me” will also be out). I know, I’ve spoiled you all with my daily updates, but I need a break every now and then :-) Please don’t complain, it won’t do any good- My parents are coming to town and they have been out of the country for over two months, so I will be spending time with them. Also, I would like to give a big thank you to Nosferatu for the wonderful Cover Art that she created for “Mixed Emotions.” Make sure you go to http://www.unseenshadows.4t.com/ashlee and take a look at it. (Don’t get it confused with my cover art, hers is much more elaborate.) And finally, the Tagboard on the site is now working, so if you like the site, please let Steph and me know!

Chapter 22


Buffy woke up early the next morning with a sharp pain in her stomach. She
breathed heavily, trying to get the pain to pass. Gasping when it finally
ended, Buffy cried out as another spasm shot through her belly. This wasn’t
normal indigestion or a stomachache- something was wrong. Buffy tried not
to panic at the thought that she was in labor. She was still several weeks
from her due date, and if these were contractions, they were irregular. When
another seizing pain gripped her stomach, Buffy didn’t think as she grabbed
the phone and hit redial, not caring who she got as long as someone picked
up the phone.

“Hello?” said a sleepy voice through a yawn.

“Willow,” Buffy said in a gasp.

“Buffy, what is it? Is something wrong?” Willow asked, instantly awake.

“I think I’m having contractions,” as another pain came over her.

“Oh, Goddess, I’ll be right there!”

Buffy disconnected and crawled out of bed, doing her best to get dressed in
the few seconds she had between the pains. She was trying her hardest not
to get frightened at the speed that they were coming, but it was a lost
cause.

Buffy put on a fleece pull-over, not bothering to change out of her black
jogging pants. She ran a brush through her hair, gripping her dresser as a
wave of nausea hit her. A few seconds later, Buffy heard the key turn in
the lock as Willow came bolting in the house. Buffy was glad that she had
given her friend a spare since she didn’t think she would be capable of
making it down the stairs unassisted.

Glancing at the clock as Willow ran up the stairs, Buffy had to smile.
“How fast did you drive?”

“Only ninety,” Willow said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Are you okay?”

Buffy shook her head. “If these are contractions, they’re really irregular.”

“Okay, is your bag still downstairs?” At Buffy’s nod, Willow took her
friend’s arm and slowly guided her to the stairs. “Did you call Spike?”

Buffy took a deep and shook her head. “At this point, I don’t think I could
remember his number through the pain.”

“Okay, I’ll call him once I get you to the hospital.”

Willow breathed a sigh of relief a few minutes later as Buffy was safely
in her car. She ran around to the driver’s side and hurriedly started the
car.

“Wills?”

“Yeah, Buff?”

“Don’t go ninety, okay?”

“Is eighty okay?”

Buffy closed her eyes, tightening her seatbelt as she leaned her head back against the seat to begin
breathing through yet another contraction.

* * * * *

Once Buffy was changed and lying in a hospital bed, Willow slowly began to
relax as she went to find a phone. Quickly dialing the number, Willow
waited as it rang.

“Hello?”

“Spike, it’s Willow. Buffy’s in labor, and I…Spike?”

* * * * *

Spike dropped the phone, got dressed, and was out the door in less than a
minute, throwing his car into drive.

He arrived at the hospital less than five minutes later and ran up the
stairs to the maternity level. He saw Willow sitting in the waiting room,
nervously wringing her hands.

“Where is she?”

Willow stood up when she saw him. “They won’t let anyone in, just yet.”

“Why the bloody hell not?!”

“Spike, her contractions are really irregular. She’s weeks from her due
date, and the doctors are just trying to stabilize the labor.”

Spike felt fear rip through his chest as he dropped into a nearby chair.
“Did you call my dad?”

“Yeah, he said he’d call everyone.”

“Thanks, Red.”

“What are best friends for?”

* * * * *

Over an hour later, Willow, Xander, Anya, Oz, and Giles all sat in the
waiting room of the hospital while Spike nervously paced the floor. They
still wouldn’t let him in to see Buffy, and he was ready to throw his fist
through the window he kept walking past. Giles had closed the Magic Box
today, even though Saturdays were the busiest days of the week, in
anticipation of his grandchildren arriving.

“Are you Buffy Summers’ family?” a voice asked from the doorway.

Spike, despite being the furthest away, was the first to make it to the
door. “Yes! That’s us, how is she?”

“I’m Dr. Lindsey McDonald. Are you the father?”

Spike nodded as he waited anxiously.

“Buffy is having some very hard contractions, right on top of each other.
We’re currently giving her some medicine to take the edge off, and we’ve got
an IV drip trying to regulate them, but it hasn’t worked so far.”

“How is she?” Spike asked again.

“She’s having a tough time of it. The stress from the labor is causing her
to hyperventilate frequently, and she’s not very coherent at the moment.”

“So she doesn’t know the pain that she’s in?” Giles asked, standing behind
Spike.

“Unfortunately, no. The pain is the only thing she knows right now. She’s
not crying or yelling, presumably because she knows it would use up too much
oxygen for her to do that.”

“What about a C-Section?” asked Willow.

“If we can’t regulate the contractions or the babies start showing distress,
that will be our option. Right now, all three heart-rates are normal,
considering the stress she is under.”

“Can I see her?” Spike asked, a pleading look in his eyes.

“Actually,” Lindsey said. “Whenever she speaks, she’s asking for her
mother.”

The entire room froze.

“Dr. McDonald,” Giles spoke up. “Her mother died over a year ago.”

“Is that normal?” Xander asked worriedly.

“Buffy’s in a lot of pain,” Lindsey said. “When a person is hurting, their
natural instinct is to want their mother or a parental figure. So, yes,
it’s perfectly normal. In that case, it would be better for the father to
be in there with her.”

Spike nearly knocked the doctor over in his rush to get through the Labor
and Delivery unit. Running through the double doors, he quickly asked the
nurse at the station which room he needed. Slowing his pace as he got
closer to her room, Spike took a deep breath before walking in.

The large room was almost dark, only lit by a muted light in the corner of
the room. The TV was on, seemingly for a distraction to the woman in labor.
Spike looked at Buffy, laying on her side, her eyes squeezed shut, trying
to ward off the pain. Her legs were pulled as close to her body as she
could get them. While one hand wrapped protectively around her stomach, the
other twisted into the pillow, causing her knuckles to turn white as she
warded off another contraction.

Spike stared at her for a minute, a worried expression on his face, when he
heard the doctor’s voice behind him.

“You can go sit with her,” he said quietly. “She needs support right now.”

Spike slowly walked over and sat in the chair next to the bed. “It’s me,
baby,” he whispered softly to her.

“Spike?” she asked groggily, opening her eyes. They couldn’t seemed to
focus on him as she stared.

“Yeah, luv, I’m here,” he said softly as he took her hand in his.

He felt the tears spring to his eyes as Buffy moaned, tightening her grip on
his hand as another contraction overtook her.

He watched the doctor as Lindsey went to check a printout from one of the
machines that Buffy was hooked up to. “They’re starting to get more
regular,” he said softly, more to Spike than to Buffy. “She should have an
easier time of it for a while.”

“Doc, will the babies be okay?”

“They should be fine. A little small, but twins are normally born two weeks
early. Being a little earlier than average, we may just have to keep them
an extra night or two.”

Spike nodded, breathing a sigh of relief as Buffy tightened her grip on his
hand again. “It’ll be over soon, baby,” Spike said in a soothing tone as he
gently ran his fingers through her hair.


A/N Just two or three plugs here: I wanted to give a big thank you to destructo-girl for the awesome award she gave me for featuring Secrets of the Heart on her website. Make sure you take a look at her website www.destructo-girl.com and make sure you check out my website www.unseenshadows.4t.com/ashlee to see the award. Also, go look at the new layout of Steph’s website www.unseenshadows.4t.com since she is the one responsible for me having mine :-) And while I’m giving thank you’s and advertisements, yet another thank you to Allison for betaing this story!

Chapter 23 - Delivery


Hours later, there was very little change. Buffy was more comfortable, but
the speed of the contractions was slowly wiping her out. Spike hadn’t left
her side once since he’d entered the room.

It was mid-afternoon, and Buffy had tried to get some much needed rest. She
was so exhausted that she was able to nap for five minutes between each
contraction. She had been in labor for over eight hours and was more fatigued
than she had ever been in her life.

“Spike,” she whispered hoarsely. “I can’t do it.”

Spike gave her a gentle smile. “You’re strong, Goldilocks. You can do it.”

“Maybe if it was one, but Spike, I don’t have the energy to push out two
babies.”

Spike didn’t say anything, just leaned forward and kissed her forehead
tenderly, holding her hand as she had another contraction.

“It’s almost over, pet,” Spike said quietly as he watched the monitor,
waiting for the worst of the pain to diminish. “Okay, it’s dropping,”
he murmured as she looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Spike felt like crying, knowing that there was nothing he could do for her.
He slowly propped his elbows on the side of the bed, securing her hand
between both of his and bringing it to his lips. Buffy managed a small
smile at the tender gesture when he didn’t kiss her hand, just held it
against his lips as he stared into her eyes.

“Did I ever tell you when I fell in love with you?” he asked quietly.

Buffy breathed heavily through the pain as she shook her head.

“That night that I came over to your house. Brought you ice cream. We got to know each other.”

Buffy nodded, remembering the night.

“When you were saying goodnight to me and kissed me on the cheek…I knew I would never be the same again.”

Buffy felt tears fall from her eyes at the love and affection that seemed to pour from him. “Thank you,” she whispered.

* * * * *

Spike felt helpless as he watched Buffy’s struggle several hours later. Dr.
McDonald had been in there for over an hour while Buffy tried to push
either of the babies out. She was so weak, she didn’t know how much longer
she could last, and neither of the babies had moved into the laboring
position.

“Alright, Buffy,” Lindsey said. “It looks like you’re going to have to get
a C-Section.”

Spike had to restrain himself from putting the doctor in a chokehold. “And
you couldn’t have decided this twelve hours ago?” he asked through gritted
teeth.

“Spike, I know you’re worried, but it’s major surgery. We don’t like to risk
it unless absolutely necessary. Now, follow the nurse, and she’ll show you
where you can get some scrubs so you can be with her.”

Spike turned to Buffy. “Not much longer, luv.”

Buffy nodded, attempting to smile.

“I’ll be back soon.”

As Spike went to get changed, the anesthetist came in to give Buffy the
medicine for the surgery. Buffy relaxed as it seemed to take effect
immediately. For the first time all day, she felt like she could breathe.
It no longer seemed as if something was crushing her chest with every breath
she was taking.

Buffy vaguely remembered being wheeled into a sterile room where she could
see doctors and nurses setting up the things necessary to perform the
delivery.

A few minutes later, Buffy saw Spike come in and reached for him. He was
virtually covered from head to toe, but she would recognize his eyes
anywhere.

“Okay, Buffy,” Lindsey said. “We’re about to start.”

Buffy watched as a curtain was put up over her chest so she couldn’t see the
actual surgery.

Spike held her hand as he stood next to her, trying to hide his fear as he
watched the doctors cut into the woman he loved. “You okay, pet?” he asked,
tearing his eyes away from the sight in front of him to look at her.

Buffy nodded. “Just a little pressure, but I’m fine.”

“That’s normal, Buffy,” Lindsey reassured her as he worked.

Spike watched in amazement as a tiny head appeared, staring as Lindsey
pulled out a baby. From his viewpoint, Spike couldn’t see which it was, but
he felt panic grip his heart when the baby didn’t make a sound. Biting his
tongue so he wouldn’t worry Buffy, he stared as the pediatrician stepped up
to clean off the baby, suctioning fluid out of the tiny mouth and flipping
it over to rub the neck.

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as a tiny wail erupted.

“It’s a boy,” Lindsey said with a smile in his eyes as the other doctor took
the baby over to the warmer to finish cleaning him.

Buffy strained to see her son as they cleaned him while Spike tried to
alternate his gaze between Lindsey busily working to get the other baby free
and his baby boy being wrapped snuggly in a blanket.

“Six pounds, one ounce,” a nurse called happily. “Big baby, for being a
preemie.”

Spike smiled, looking down at Buffy who had tears streaming from her eyes.
A second later, his gaze shot up as he heard a tiny whimpering cry and saw
the pediatrician now working on the little girl, and Lindsey began repairing
Buffy.

Spike gripped Buffy’s hand tighter as the baby girl was carried over to go
through the same treatment that her brother had just received. A nurse
brought the boy over to hand to Spike, who in turn leaned down so Buffy
could see him. As they talked to their baby, they heard the nurse announce
that the little girl was five pounds, two ounces.

“You ate all your sister’s food, didn’t you, big guy?” Spike asked his son as
he felt tears stinging his eyes.

The baby girl was soon brought over to be placed in Spike’s other arm as
Buffy reached out to touch her children.

After a minute, a nurse approached them, telling Spike it was time to take
the babies to the nursery.

“Do you want me to stay with you, Buffy?” he asked with a worried
expression.

Buffy shook her head. “No, I’ll see you soon. You take them to show off to
everybody.”

Spike nodded. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Spike walked through the halls, staring down at his children in his arms.
Before leaving the unit, one of the nurses was kind enough to remove the cap
and mask for him since he had his hands full.

Spike stepped out into the hallway and laughed as he was nearly attacked by
his father and friends. He smiled as everyone cooed over the babies.

“How’s Buffy?” Giles asked, barely taking his eyes off his grandchildren to
look at his son.

“She’s doing fine, she’ll be out in a little while. I better get these
little bits to the nursery.”

Spike followed the nurse through a door and nearly laughed when everyone
seemed to push their noses against the glass to keep an eye on the babies.

Once they were weighed again, measured, and washed off even more, Spike
looked at his watch and realize that twenty minutes had gone by. Giving his
children a kiss, he walked out of the nursery and saw Giles.

“Any word on Buffy?”

“No one’s come out, just-“

Spike turned around to see what Giles was staring at and saw Lindsey walking
through the double doors.

“Hey, Doc, how’s my girl?” Spike asked with a smile.

“Spike, I think maybe you should sit down.”

Spike’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach at those horrible words.
“What’s wrong?”

“Spike-“

“Tell me!”

Giles put a restraining hand on Spike’s shoulder as he stared at the
doctor. “Is Buffy alright?”

Lindsey took a deep breath. “She’s lost consciousness.”

Chapter 24 - Everything


Spike felt the ground shift under his feet as he fought to stay upright.
“Buffy’s unconscious?”

Lindsey nodded. “We were closing her up, and her blood pressure skyrocketed.
We did everything we could to keep her pressure stabilized and try and keep
her awake, but…”

Spike gasped for air as his father kept a firm hold on his arm. “Will she
be okay?”

When Lindsey didn’t answer right away, Spike would have felt the intense
satisfaction of throwing a punch at him.

“She’s not in critical condition,” Lindsey said. “But the sooner she wakes
up, the better.”

“Can I see her?”

“We’re getting her moved to a private room. Once she’s situated, you’ll be
allowed to stay.” Spike nodded as Lindsey continued, “Right now, you should
go spend some time with those babies of yours.”

Spike took a deep breath as he trudged back to the nursery. Giles filled in
everyone else as Spike went to go see his children. Speaking briefly with
the nurse, he wheeled the two small bassinets that his son and daughter
were sleeping in, out into the hallway.

Giles smiled as he picked up his granddaughter. “What’s her name?”

“Lauren,” Spike replied. “Buffy decided to forego any family names and…”

Spike trailed off as he got choked up at the thought of Buffy lying in a
cold room, unable to open her eyes.

“What about him?” Willow asked as she and Anya leaned over the other
bassinet to get a closer look at the little boy.

“Brandon.”

“So no matching names?” Xander asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” Willow said with a smile. “Lauren and Laurence have a nice ring.”

“Or Brandon and Brandi,” Oz spoke up.

Their playful tones brought a smile to Spike’s face. “That was another of
Buffy’s stipulations-no matching or rhyming names.”

The group smiled when Dr. McDonald approached them again. “Spike? You can
take the babies in to see her when you’re ready.”

“She’s awake?” Spike asked with hope in his voice.

Lindsey shook his head. “No, but it’ll be good for her to have the twins
around her. I think sometimes mothers can sense when their babies are
close by, and it comforts them.”

Spike nodded as he wheeled little Brandon after Lindsey, Giles and the gang
following with Lauren. Walking into Buffy’s room, Spike paused as he looked
at her. Lying on the bed with formerly golden skin, now as white as the bed
sheet she was laying on, and dark circles shaded the skin under her closed eyes. She looked peaceful, if not entirely comfortable.

Spike vaguely noticed Giles wheeling Lauren into the room and shutting the
door behind him to give the new family some privacy. Spike slowly
approached the bed, sitting in the chair closest to Buffy, as he lightly took
a hand to trail over her cheek.

“Hey, baby,” he whispered. “You need to wake up. We’ve got two beautiful
babies in here who are waiting to meet their mother.”

Spike broke off as tears sprung to his eyes. He gently took her limp hand in
his, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her skin as he stared at her. “Come
on, Buffy. You told me you’d see me in a few minutes, and I know you don’t
want to break the promise. Open your eyes, luv. Open your eyes, look at
me…look at the twins.”

Spike rested his head on top of her hand as he let his tears fall.

* * * * *

A few hours later, Spike was still sitting at Buffy’s bedside. A nurse had
come to collect the babies a while ago to let them have a bottle, and his
father and friends had left a short time ago.

Spike heard the door open, but didn’t turn around, figuring it was another
doctor or nurse.

“How is she?”

Spike turned, hearing the quiet question uttered from the doorway. He was
surprised when he encountered Angel standing there. He took a deep breath
before replying, “She’s strong. She’ll be fine.”

Angel slowly crossed the room to sit in the chair on the other side of the
bed. “And you?” he asked upon seeing Spike’s bloodshot eyes.

Spike looked down at the hand he was holding as he bit his lip. “I’ll be
okay when she wakes up.”

Angel nodded, looking at the young woman on the bed. “Have you eaten
anything today?”

Spike slowly shook his head.

“Go,” Angel said quietly, motioning toward the door. “I’ll sit with her.”

Spike vehemently shook his head. “I can’t…what if she wakes up?”

“Spike, you’re not going to be any good to her if you’re too weak to stand.
You’ll be gone twenty minutes. Go get something to eat, see your babies,
just take a break for a while.”

Spike looked up and saw the genuine concern on Angel’s face. Contemplating
his decision for a minute, Spike nodded. “Okay…I’ll be back soon.”

Angel watched as the other man leaned forward to leave a tender kiss on
Buffy’s forehead before turning and walking out the door.

* * * * *

Fifteen minutes later, Spike re-entered the room, wheeling one of the
bassinets with his daughter snuggled in her blanket, fast asleep. He looked
at the bed and sighed, wishing desperately that Buffy would wake up.

“No change, then?” he asked Angel.

“No,” Angel replied solemnly as he walked over to look at the beautiful
little girl. “She already has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn’t
she?” he asked Spike with a smile.

“The second I saw her.”

“I guess she’ll be a daddy’s girl.”

“Just as sure as Brandon will have Buffy trained,” Spike said with a smile.

“She’s beautiful,” Angel said, looking at the baby girl.

“She looks like her mommy,” Spike replied.

* * * * *

Spike tried to get some sleep a few hours later, resting uncomfortably in
the hard recliner that was in the hospital room. Hearing a noise, he opened
his eyes and was off the chair in a split second as he saw Buffy’s hand
move.

“Buffy?” he asked quietly. “Buffy!”

Spike watched as her eyelids quivered before slowly opening a sliver.

“Buffy, open your eyes. Look at me, baby.” Spike was aware of the
desperate sound in his voice but didn’t care as he watched her struggle to
wake up. “Come on, luv. Show me those beautiful emerald eyes of yours.”

Spike felt as if he would collapse from the stress of the day as he stared
at Buffy, watching as she slowly opened her eyes.

“Spike,” she whispered in a throaty voice. “What’s going on?”

“Everything’s fine, luv.”

“The babies?”

“They’re fine, too. I’ll have someone bring them in whenever you’re
feeling better.”

“I want to see them, Spike,” Buffy said as she tried to sit up, only to hiss
in pain as an excruciating flood of throbbing soreness began in her lower belly and
seemed to explode through her body.

“Easy, baby,” Spike said in a soothing tone as he helped Buffy lie back
down. “You had a C-section, do you remember?”

Buffy seemed to think for a minute before nodding.

“Okay, you’ll need to move around a bit, and it’ll be sore. But right now, I
don’t want you to do anything until a nurse sees you,” Spike said as he
pushed the call button.

Buffy nodded again as she tried to relax her muscles. Lifting up the
blankets and moving the hospital gown aside, Buffy saw less than a dozen
staples holding her stomach together.

“They stapled me?” Buffy asked with as much indignation as she could muster.

Spike chuckled. “Well, pet, I haven’t inspected it myself, but from what I
hear, they work better than stitches for this kind of procedure.”

“You haven’t been hitting on the nurses, have you?” Buffy asked, hiding a
grin and raising her eyebrow.

“You know it, baby,” Spike said with a chuckle.

They both turned as the door opened, and in walked a nurse who was easily
seventy years old. Buffy looked at Spike, raising both eyebrows in question as he
violently shook his head. She had to suppress a laugh as the nurse came to
check her over, asking her all kinds of questions and taking her
temperature.

Spike slipped out of the room during the procedure, making his way down to
the nursery and asking a nurse to help him take the twins to the room.

Buffy gasped as he wheeled baby Brandon through the door, eagerly stretching
out her arms to hold him. Spike gingerly placed the baby in her arms as the
nurse walked through the door with Lauren.

Spike watched as Buffy’s eyes filled with tears as he picked up the baby
girl and sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle Buffy, as she
gently touched their tiny noses. Buffy giggled when Brandon opened his eyes
and gave his parents a huge yawn. Spike smiled and then looked up to meet
Buffy’s eyes, his smile turned softer. Leaning forward, he met her lips in
a tender kiss, slowly deepening it as her eyelids fluttered shut. Pulling
away after a moment, Spike gently leaned his forehead against hers.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“Everything.”

Chapter 25 – Going Home


Spike walked through the hospital a few days later to pick up Buffy and the
babies. He made sure to be with her as much as he could, though usually, she
was sleeping, trying to revitalize her energy from the long labor.

Spike smiled when he turned into the hallway and saw that Giles had beaten
him there. His father stood at the nursery window, smiling at his
grandchildren.

“So,” Spike said, walking up behind him. “I guess I don’t exist anymore,
now that these two are here,” he finished with a smile.

Giles turned and smiled at his son. “That about sums it up, yes,” he
replied.

Spike chuckled as he looked through the window to see the nurses preparing
the babies to leave.

“How’s Buffy?” Giles asked a moment later.

“She’s doing better. Still tired, but that’s to be expected.”

“And how are the two of you?”

“Dad, don’t start, okay?”

“I’m merely asking a question, not voicing any opinions…even though it would
be nice if my son was actually with the woman he loves.”

“Dad,” Spike said in a warning tone.

“I’m not saying anything, son,” Giles replied, a smile playing on his lips
as he cleaned his glasses.

“I’m going to see if Buffy’s ready.”

“Good idea.”

Spike shook his head as he walked down the hallway. Standing in front of
Buffy’s door, he gently tapped on it before walking in. He saw her
tentatively getting to her feet, clutching her abdomen in pain. Spike
quickly made his way to her side, holding her arm to support her as she
settled into the wheelchair that was left.

“Thanks,” she said with a smile. “You know, I didn’t want to have to leave
in this thing, but now, I think it’s a pretty good idea.”

“Probably so, luv,” Spike said, steering her out in the hall. “I’m going to
leave you in my father’s capable hands while I load up the bags, alright?”

“Okay…and thanks again for picking us up, Spike.”

Spike stopped the wheelchair and turned it, kneeling down in front of her.
“Buffy, you know I’m going to be there, right?”

“Of course,” she said with a soft smile.

“I think we need to talk later, luv.”

Buffy frowned at the serious tone. “Okay.”

* * * * *

Spike helped Buffy through the front door an hour later as Giles trailed
behind them, holding a car-seat in each hand. Both babies were asleep, and
he gently set them next to the couch.

Spike helped Buffy sit down before dropping to his knees to begin unbuckling
the babies. Buffy eagerly reached for Lauren as she was removed from her
seat, while Giles took Brandon before Spike could make a move for him.

Spike frowned when he realized he didn’t have a baby. “Maybe we should have
had triplets, luv.”

Both men laughed at the glare that Buffy sent his way. “You would have had
to carry it to term, because there was no way a third was fitting in my
stomach.”

Spike smiled, sitting down next to her and tenderly playing with his
daughter’s foot as she slept.

“Well, I best be off,” Giles said, handing Brandon to his son.

“You’re leaving?” Buffy asked. “You know you’re welcome here, right?”

“Of course, Buffy, I just need to get back to the shop. I’ve left Anya in
charge far more than I would have liked.”

Buffy smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you later, though?”

“I’ll drop by tomorrow.”

“Alright, thanks again, Giles.”

Spike slowly stood up, careful not to wake the sleeping baby, as he made his
way over to one of the matching bassinets that Buffy had gotten at the
shower. Gently placing Brandon in one, he turned and took Lauren from
Buffy, smiling when she pouted at him for taking the baby.

Spike walked back over to the couch, sitting down and taking Buffy’s hand as
she looked at him curiously. “I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m
just going to say it…I want to stay here, Buffy.”

“You are here.”

“That’s not what I mean. I want to be with you. I want to wake up with you
every morning and help with our children. I want us to be like we were
before.”

Buffy took a deep breath as the grip on her hand tightened. “Spike-“

“Please, don’t say no,” he whispered. “I know what you’re going to say-
you’re not sure about my feelings for you- but you know I love you. I have
for years, and I’ve never stopped. Please don’t shut me out.”

“And if we don’t work out? What about them?” she asked, gesturing at the
two sleeping babies.

“The only reason we didn’t work out was because we didn’t try. You kept me
at a distance, and I ran away too fast. We both should have tried harder,
but I know that now, Buffy. And I think you do, too.”

“I want to be with you, Spike,” she whispered with tears in her eyes. “I
want us to be us again.”

Spike felt tears enter his eyes as he stared at her. Lovingly, he reached
out and tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. “I want to start
again, Goldilocks.”

She smiled at the name before nodding. “Let’s start over.”

A brilliant smile lit up Spike’s features as his hands cupped Buffy’s face
to bring his lips to hers. As their lips met, both felt that they were
complete again. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck as her mouth opened
slightly, accepting his tongue as it brushed against hers. Both felt the
electricity that seemed to flow through them as the kiss deepened. Buffy
pulled away after a minute as the kiss escalated. Spike looked at her
quizzically. “What’s wrong?”

Buffy smiled and reached out to trace his defined cheekbones. “Nothing, I
promise,” she whispered. “But if this went much further, I would be
willing to do something that I’m not supposed to be doing for several
weeks.”

Spike smiled. “Sorry, pet. What about dinner?”

“Spike, it’s not even noon.”

“I mean, just the two of us, sometime soon.”

“You want me to leave the babies already?” she asked, slightly panicked at
the thought.

“I guess not,” Spike replied, looking at her curiously.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said, looking sheepish, before turning her gaze to the
sleeping twins. “It’s just, they’ve been inside me for so long, and now that
they’re not, I don’t want to be away from them very long.”

“Understandable,” Spike said, softly kissing her forehead. “What if I make
you dinner? We can have Dad come over and watch the kids so we can eat in
peace.”

“Now that I can live with,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Plan for Friday night,” Spike said, getting up and heading to the front
door to get the bags and gifts out of the car. “Oh, and Buffy?” He waited
until she turned around to face him. “I’m staying the night.”

Spike ran out of the house before she could argue, chuckling to himself as
he shut the door behind him.

Chapter 26 - Dating


True to his word, Spike stayed the night and every consecutive night
thereafter for six weeks on the couch. He made sure to wake up as often as
he could with the babies, but Buffy insisted she be the one to wake up the
most since Spike had to go to work every day. The two had a standing
Friday night dinner date, with Giles coming over to watch the babies.

Slowly, Buffy was more willing to leave the house one night a week. The
first night that Giles insisted they get out and go see a movie, Spike was
certain he would have to sit on Buffy in the theater since she kept trying
to jump up and call home to check on the babies.

Spike hadn’t made a move to push the relationship. The most intimacy they
had was a tender good-night kiss on their most recent date. Now, as they
strolled through the park, hand in hand, on their standard date night, both
enjoyed the soothing cool December air. Stopping at a picnic table, Spike
leaned against the flat surface and pulled Buffy into his arms, tenderly
kissing her forehead.

Buffy sighed and rested her face against his strong chest. “This is nice,”
she murmured quietly.

“Yeah,” Spike said softly, resting his chin on top of her head as his arms
tightened around her body.

“I missed you,” she whispered, pulling away slightly to look into his eyes.

Spike smiled down at her. “I’m right here.”

Buffy shook her head. “I mean before. I missed you so much, and it was all
my fault that you weren’t there.”

“Why’d you push me away, Buffy?” he asked softly, his voice full of concern.

Buffy nervously played with the lapels of his jacket before answering. “I
was scared. I thought that…everyone has always left me…in one form or
another. I thought it would be better to push you away than wait for you to
decide to leave me.”

“And now?”

“Now…I’m not grieving anymore. I still miss my mom, but I have Brandon and
Lauren. I have you,” she said quietly, looking into his eyes. “Don’t I?”

“You’ve always had me, Goldilocks,” Spike said with a smile.

Buffy felt tears burn her eyes as she smiled. “I never meant to hurt you.
I should have just told you what I was thinking, but I had so much going on
in my head that I just didn’t. I’m so sorry, Spike,” she said in a choked whisper.

Spike tightened his hold on her. “That ever happens again, I want you to
talk to me. I don’t care if you don’t make any sense- I want you to get it
off your chest. No matter what, I’m here to stay, Buffy.”

Buffy tilted her head to look into his eyes. “I promise.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief before leaning forward to meet her lips in a
soft, tender kiss. Neither made a move to deepen it, both enjoying the
contented feeling of being together again.

Pulling away after a few moments, Spike smiled as Buffy snuggled closer to
him. “Move in with me.”

Spike felt his smile broaden. “I’ve been there every night for over a
month, luv.”

“You know what I mean,” she said, turning to look at him again. “You should
just move all your stuff in. I know you don’t want to go back to your place
and leave the twins.”

“Or you,” he said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling
when he saw the blush rise to her cheeks.

“What do you think?”

“Are you sure?”

Buffy nodded. “I’m not ready for you to not be here.”

“I’ll be moved in by tomorrow.”

Buffy squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling as he lifted
her in the air to swing her around in a circle. Coming to a stop, Spike sat
Buffy on the table and stood close to her, never unwrapping his arms from
her body.

“Are you sure about this?” Spike asked softly.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything,” Buffy leaned forward to claim
his lips once again before pulling back to stare into his eyes. “I’m going
back to school,” she said softly.

“That’s great, luv,” Spike said with a smile. “What about the twins?”

Buffy glanced down, biting her lip. “If it’s okay with you, I was going to
put them in daycare. It’s just for three days a week. I’m only taking a
few classes, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”

Spike seemed to consider it for a moment before answering. “What about me?”

“Spike, you work.”

“Depends on the days. I’m also being pushed back onto the nightshift more,
so I could work something out. That is, if you feel okay with it.”

Buffy smiled. “Spike, of course I feel okay. I just didn’t think you’d
have the time.”

“We’ll work something out,” Spike said, kissing her forehead. “I’ll talk to
my boss tomorrow.”

Buffy hopped down from the table, grabbing his hand and began walking out of
the park. “Come on,” she said, pulling his hand like a little girl. “All
this talk about the babies makes me want to get back to them.”

Spike chuckled before dropping her hand and breaking into a run. “Race
you!”

Buffy took off after him. “No fair!” she shouted. “My legs are shorter-
little people should get head starts!”

Spike laughed and turned around, jogging backwards as Buffy tried to catch
up with him. “What’s the matter, Summers? I thought you were faster than
this.”

Putting on a burst of speed, Buffy was able to catch up to Spike, but he
kept a level pace with her. Several minutes later, both stopped on her
street as they took in deep gulps of air. Walking up the porch steps, Spike
took Buffy’s hand before she could open the door. Giving it a little tug,
Buffy smiled when she found herself in his arms. “I had fun tonight,
Goldilocks,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

“Me, too,” she said softly, tilting her head to give him better access.

Spike lazily trailed kisses up to her jaw line before meeting her lips in a
tender kiss. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes, brushing the hair away
from her flushed face. “We’re going to make this work this time.”

“I know we will,” Buffy said with a smile.

Chapter 27 - Loving


Buffy and Spike said goodnight to Giles before bolting up the stairs to
check on the babies. Both were sound asleep in their bassinets. Though
they were still sleeping in their bassinets, Spike had convinced Buffy to
start putting them in their separate rooms to make it easier on them in the
long run.

Spike went to check on Brandon while Buffy went into Lauren’s room. She
jumped slightly when she felt strong arms encircle her waist. Spike stood
next to her, looking over her shoulder at their sleeping daughter.

“She looks just like you, you know,” he whispered into Buffy’s ear.

Buffy smiled, leaning back to rest her head against his strong chest. “Is
that good or bad?”

Spike turned Buffy around to face him, pushing her hair away from her
shoulders to gently cup her face. “That's very good,” he said with a soft
smile. “Until she starts dating, and then we’re going to have some problems
when she starts bringing boys home.”

“What if they’re like you?”

Buffy tried to suppress a laugh as Spike’s eyes nearly bugged out of his
head. “They bloody well better not be like me,” he said, more loudly than
he intended.

“You turned out alright,” Buffy said with a smile, glancing back at the baby,
who was beginning to squirm from the noise. Taking Spike’s hand, she led
him out into the hallway.

“I only turned out alright because I had you there to straighten me out.”

Buffy giggled. “So, you’re saying you’d be okay with it, as long as she
could straighten him out?”

Buffy laughed as Spike let out a growl, backing her into the wall as he put
one of his hands on each side of her head. “She’s not dating till she’s
thirty…or I’m dead. That might work out better for me.”

“I’m sure she won’t argue about that,” Buffy said sarcastically as she
wrapped her arms around his waist, propping her chin against his chest.

Both noticed the change in mood at the simple gesture. Spike’s hands left
the wall to soothingly run along her upper arms, staring deep into her eyes.
Leaning down, he captured her lips in a soft kiss, one hand slowly coming up
to her jaw as his lips glided over hers. Pulling away after a few moments,
Spike pressed his forehead to Buffy’s, breathing heavily as he tried to
control his arousal.

“Stay,” Buffy whispered, staring up at him.

“I always stay, luv,” he said quietly, not wanting to misinterpret the
meaning of her words.

“Spend the night with me...please,” she added, looking at him with hopeful
eyes.

“Are you sure, Buffy?”

Her hands slowly began sliding up his chest, coming to lock behind his neck.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” she said softly, pulling his head
down to hers for another kiss.

* * * * *

Spike watched as Buffy slowly sat down on her bed, taking him by the hand to
pull him toward her. He hadn’t felt this nervous since his first time, and
he couldn’t figure out why. He had obviously been with Buffy before, but
something about tonight felt different.

Spike crawled the length of her body and lay down at her side, facing Buffy
and rubbing lazy circles along her back, both enjoying the intimacy of just
being with each other. Slowly, her lips met his in a passionate kiss as she
pushed away from the bed, never letting her lips leave his.

Spike moaned as Buffy straddled him, his hands automatically going to her
thighs and gripping them harder than he intended as her body arched against
his. Both were still fully clothed, but the friction they were causing each
other was slowly making them crazy with lust.

Buffy’s hands traveled to the buttons of Spike’s shirt, slowly working on
each one until the shirt fell away from his chest. Her hands began stroking
the strong muscles, smiling against his lips when she felt the effect she
was having on him.

Before Buffy knew what was happening, she found her shirt stripped off as
Spike flipped them to lay on top of her. Sitting up slightly, he let his
own shirt fall to the floor as he slid Buffy’s pants down her legs, leaving
her in a black lace thong and bra.

Spike frowned when he saw Buffy try and modestly cover her body. Quickly
meeting his lips with hers, he pulled back and stared in her eyes. “What’s
wrong, luv? You don’t have to be nervous with me.”

Buffy looked down, embarrassed as she traced a finger along his chest. “I
look different now.”

Spike’s eyes widened in realization before pulling back to gently run his
hands over her exposed skin. “You look beautiful,” he whispered, kissing
her again as he let one hand slip around to unhook her bra. “You’ve never
looked more desirable, Buffy,” he said, his voice thick with emotion as he
moved further down to remove her thong. Spike stood from the bed to rid
himself of the rest of his clothes as he stared at her nude body. It was
true- she had never looked more beautiful to him. Her breasts were more
full, her hips had a slight curve to them that hadn’t been there before, and
her skin seemed to glow.

Spike lay back down, letting his hands follow the direction of his eyes as he
glided him over her body, smiling when she moaned and arched against him.
Settling himself between her legs, he tenderly caressed her cheek. “No
chance of getting pregnant this time?” he asked with a slight smile.

Buffy smiled as she shook her head. “No, not this time.”

Spike bent his head to kiss along the column of her neck. “Good,” he
whispered between kisses, pulling back to look at her again. “Because I
love those two, but I don’t want another one in nine months.”

Buffy giggled, pulling him back down for a kiss as her hands ran through his
hair, loosening it from the confining hold of the gel and freeing the curls.

Breaking away for air, Spike tried to control his breathing. “It’s safe?”
he asked in a worried tone.

“Spike, I just told you-“

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head. “I mean, is it safe for us to be doing
this? Because of the surgery?”

“It’s safe,” she said quietly, arching her hips slightly to meet his, both
gasping as they felt him begin to penetrate her folds.

Spike slid forward, dropping his head to rest on Buffy’s shoulder, as he
tried to control his desire. He wanted nothing more than to lose himself in
this woman, but he had to force himself to wait.

Buffy moaned as she raised her body, effectively imbedding him fully inside
of her as they began rocking slowly together. Spike pulled back to stare
into her eyes as they both tried to regulate their breathing. He tightened
his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to delay the orgasm that was
already building.

Buffy reached up to gently touch Spike’s cheek, causing him to open his eyes
again. Both stared at each other, never feeling this amount of intimacy
before as they moved together. Spike began to steadily pick up his pace,
feeling satisfaction course through him at the obvious pleasure he was
causing her.

Buffy’s hands clutched at Spike’s shoulders as she struggled to maintain eye
contact, neither wanting to lose the connection to the other. Spike let his
hands slide around to her back, pulling her closer to his body, not wanting
to let go.

Spike smiled when he felt her fingernails dig into his shoulders as she
gasped, throwing her head back into the pillow, clenching her inner muscles
around him as a mini-orgasm coursed through her body. She panted for air as
her eyelids fluttered open, meeting his gaze again.

After a few more minutes, Spike began pushing harder into her body, knowing
he wouldn’t last much longer but wanting to send her over the edge one more
time. Meeting her lips again in a tender kiss, Spike pulled back to press
his forehead against hers. “I love you,” he whispered.

Buffy’s eyes widened before pulling him back down for another kiss. After
a moment, they broke away. “I love you, too,” she said softly, seconds
before she felt the explosion course through her body. Writhing underneath
him as Spike sped up his thrusts, she cried out in ecstasy as he spilled
himself within her.

Spike felt his body go limp, careful not to crush Buffy as he rolled them
slightly, still connected to each other as they lay side by side. Buffy
stared at him with glazed eyes as he traced her cheeks, letting his hand
trail down her body to rest on the curve of her hip.

“I love you, so much,” he said, delighting in the smile that lit up her
face.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Spike smiled, neither making a move to separate themselves, both enjoying
the closeness they were sharing. Spike wrapped his arms around her body,
pulling her closer as she snuggled closer to him. After a few minutes, they
both drifted off to sleep, each feeling more content than they had in a
year.

Epilogue


5 Years Later


“Giles, are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Buffy, we’ll be fine, go on and have a good time.”

“Mommy! Brandon put Play-Dough in my hair!”

“Daddy! Lauren wouldn’t stop bugging me! I told her to leave, but she
didn’t listen!”

“Don’t make me come up those bloody stairs, because you don’t want me up
there! You’re mother and I are about to leave and you two better be good!”

“Spike, don’t say ‘bloody’ in front of the kids.”

“Will you two please leave me alone with my grandchildren? Go! Have a good
time. We’ll be fine.”

“Okay, Giles, all the numbers are on the refrigerator. We’re just going to
dinner and a movie-“

“Buffy, will you be quiet and come on. We’re going to be late.”

“I know. The kids need to eat in about half an hour. Emily’s bottle is
ready to be warmed-“

“Buffy!” Spike yelled from outside. “If you don’t leave that bloody house
in five seconds, I’m celebrating our anniversary alone. Dad’s kept the kids
before, he can handle it.”

“Go, dear,” Giles said, pushing Buffy toward the door. “Have a good time.
Don’t worry about a thing. This is the first night you’ve had out since
Emily was born, so enjoy it.”

“Okay, thanks, Giles. You two be good for Pop-pop!” Buffy yelled up the
stairs.

“We will,” two falsely innocent voices traveled down to her ears.

“Oh, and one more-“

Buffy was abruptly cut off as Spike appeared behind her, wrapping his arms
around her waist he lifted her into his arms and started out the door.
“Good night, kids,” Spike called up the stairs. “Bye, Dad.”

Giles chuckled as he watched his son carry his daughter-in-law out of the
house.

“Spike! Put me down!” Buffy squealed.

“Not until the woman I married comes back.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dad’s kept the kids before. He can handle it,” he said, putting her in the
car before walking around to the other side and getting in.

“I know. It’s just the first time he’s been alone with all three, and you
know the twins are probably plotting something.”

“Buffy, they’re only five,” Spike said as he pulled the car out of the
driveway.

“Only five? Spike, when they were four, you stepped out of the shower with
hot pink hair.”

“So they did a little experimentation with the shampoo. No big deal, and
besides, Dad won’t be taking a shower- they’ll be fine.”

“You weren’t that calm when you looked in the mirror to see your new
hairstyle.”

“I’d feel better about it if you’d tell me where you’ve hidden the soddin’
pictures.”

Buffy giggled. “Now, why would I want to do that?”

Spike growled in frustration before a smile spread to his lips. Reaching
over, he steered the car with one hand and interlaced Buffy’s fingers with
his. Buffy smiled as he brought her hand to his lips, leaving a tender kiss
on it and smiling at her out of the corner of his eye.

“I love you, Spike.”

“I know, baby. I love you, too.”

Both stayed quiet as they watched the Sunnydale scenery flash by. They were
celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary tonight, but it was also
Buffy’s first night away from their new daughter Emily. The baby was only
three weeks old, but through the persuasion of both Spike and Giles, she had
been convinced to take a much needed night off.

Buffy had graduated from UCSunnydale and gotten a job as a Guidance
Counselor at Sunnydale High. The hours were perfect since she had to be
there an hour after she dropped the kids off at their school, and she was off
work a half hour before the end of the school day.

Spike was no longer the manager of the restaurant- he was now the owner.
Setting his own hours, he spent most nights at home with his wife and kids,
choosing to work during the day instead.

Spike parked the car and got out to jog around and open Buffy’s door for
her. Helping her out, Spike shut the door behind her and gently pushed her
against it, kissing her lovingly before pulling back to stare into her eyes.
It still shocked him how much love and adoration he saw reflected in them.
Although, he knew the same emotions were mirrored back from his own.

“Happy anniversary, Spike,” Buffy whispered, wrapping her arms around her
husband’s waist.

Spike smiled before leaning in for another kiss. Pulling away, he tenderly
rested his forehead against hers. “Happy anniversary, Goldilocks.”


THE END


A/N Wow! The reviews for this story were above and beyond what I expected, so thank you so much! This was really hard to write at times, and ultimately it’s one that I am very proud of, so thank you for reading what turned into my longest fic (at this time). I’m sorry to see it end, but I didn’t want to let it go on too long and lose the reader’s interest. Also, thank you to Steph for my beautiful website and Allison for betaing all of my stories- I owe so much to both of you! Thanks again and make sure you check out my new WIP’s- “Remember When” (which is a little bit different than I’m used to writing, but so far so good) and “Intimate Enemies” (my first high school fic).