I have a problem. I know and I’m willing to admit it. At this moment I have *counts under breath quickly* 3 and becoming 4 at this moment maybe WIPs. Hey, I wonder if there’s a Spuffy Writers Anonymous? Anywho, in order for this story to work I need Buffy to REALLY like this new guy and to be honest I can't stand the idea of Buffy being in love with anyone but Spike and as much as it pains me it’s absolutely necessary. The prospect of Buffy being REALLY in love with Angel or Riley is a total stomach turner so I’ve created a new and temporarily tolerable dude for Buffy…for the time being anyways.

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Last year for Buffy Summers had been hell. Summer had been hell for Buffy Summers. This year? It wasn’t going to be hell for Buffy Summers if she had anything to do with it. On the last day of her sophomore year, she’d been publicly humiliated by Spike Giles, her unrequited love of her life. She wasn’t going to let anything like that happen again. She’d been so stupid. Like a guy like Spike would ever give her a second look. She was invisible. Even when they bumped into each other at her house when he was hanging out with Angel, he didn’t even acknowledge her. Like she’d said. Not this year. This year was going to be different. This year her hair was blonder, she had contacts working their magic and her skirts had gotten just a tid bit shorter. Last year held one great purpose in her life though. Talk about a reality check.

Buffy ran her fingers through her bouncy shoulder length golden blonde hair and self consciously applied another coat of shiny pink Lancôme lip gloss. Did she look okay? The jean mini she was wearing was at least an two inches shorter than her normal skirts and her little pink “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” baby doll tee was a little tighter. Not to mention she was wearing more than her normal lip balm.

Her thoughts were cut short by her mother, “Buffy! Willow and Xander are here!”

“Coming!” Buffy called back down, picking up her backpack and heading down to greet her friends. They’d have to be quick though. She had to dodge Angel. Many people would appreciate the new look. Her older brother? Not so much.

“Ohmigod! Look at you!” Willow giggled as Buffy reached the bottom of the stairs.

Buffy smiled brightly, “I know. You look amazing too Wills!”

The two friends hugged happily before Buffy turned to Xander, “Hey Xander. You ready?”

Xander gave her his trade mark goofy smile, “As ever. What’s another year of endless torture anyways?”

Buffy giggled, “It’s gonna be different this year. I know it.”

“Woman’s intuition?” he raised an eyebrow.

Buffy shook her head and laughed, “Nah, just a shorter skirt.”

“Buffy…” her brother started from behind her.

“Yes Liam?” Buffy used his real name, telling him to bring it on.

“You can not wear that skirt,” he sighed, “You can almost see your ass.”

Buffy turned around and raised an eyebrow, “But big brother, you don’t mind when Cordelia Chase’s ass is hanging out of her skirt. What’s the diff with me?”

“Don’t test me Buffy,” he practically growled, “Go upstairs and put on something that covers your ass.”

“No.”

Her answer kinda shocked both of them. Another thing about Buffy was that she always played the obedient puppy. Not this time.

No one had noticed that Spike had entered at the house and at the moment was staring at the girl he’d rejected publicly only three months ago in awe.

Staring down her brother for a few seconds more Buffy led Willow and Xander out of her house, leaving Angel behind, angry as ever.

“Ohmigod!” Willow laughed, “Go independent Buffy!”

Buffy beamed, “Yeah, I like her too.”

**********************************************************

Yup, today was going pretty well. Buffy hadn’t, tripped, stumbled or bumped into…

“OUCH!”

Buffy stared up at the sky and blinked a few times, “Spoke to soon.”

“Talking to yourself again Summers?” Standing over her was Ryan Cooper, the super skater cutie, holding a hand out to her to help her up.

Ryan Cooper was a hottie in his own way. He had shaggy, skater style blonde hair that needed to be cut desperately. He wore a slightly baggy but fitting SKATE OR DIE tee and he needed to pull up his pants because you could see his Spider Man boxers. Yup, he was definitely a hottie if not more.

A blush burned Buffy’s cheeks as she sat up and took Ryan’s hand before he pulled her up. A few beats passed and neither let go of each other’s hand. Finally, blushing again, Buffy pulled her hand from his and turned away, looking anywhere but him, “I am such a klutz. And here I thought I could make it through a day with out falling flat on my ass. Guess I was wrong.”

“Oh come on now Summers,” Ryan smiled at her, “Some guys might just find you klutziness endearing.”

Buffy laughed, almost bitterly, “Yeah right.”

“No, it’s true,” Ryan shook his head and they started to walk, “I know I do.” Surprisingly, the last part of that statement had come out more as a confession then a statement.

“You gotta stop that,” Buffy blushed.

“What is that?” he raised an eyebrow, still smiling charmingly at her.

“Making me blush,” she giggled slightly.

“Another thing some guys find appealing,” he stated, staring straight at her.

“And how about Ryan Cooper?” she asked, growing more confident.

“He definitely fits under that category.”

Buffy laughed, “Thank you. This makes up for the whole falling flat on my ass thing.”

“Anything for a lady,” he laughed back, holding out an arm to her, “Walk you to class?”

“Most def,” Buffy smiled brightly and linked arms with him.

How would of thought that tripping would bring a whole world of good?

**********************************************************

Spike was angry and he didn’t know why. Why did he care if Angel’s little sis talked to that whelp Ryan Cooper anyways? He’d broken the chit’s bloody heart on the last day of school and hadn’t given a care in the world. What was the fucking difference now?

Spike practically growled as they linked arms and started to walk away. Oh this was just bloody fucking great. This year was going to be hell.

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review if you want me to continue. And remember people, if you like this story and you want more then you really should review because I base the continuation of each of my new stories on the reviews. Just though you should know. You could also e-mail with suggestions @ MissParis77@aol.com. Yeah, i'm begging now.

OMG! lol. I got online tonight, I read my e-mail, talked to my friends for a little while and then I checked if I got any reviews for this story and what did I find? REVIEWS!!! Please don’t ask where that came from because in all honesty I have no clue. Thanks ever so much to everyone who did review and be thankful you all didn’t have to see my happy dance!

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“Need a ride home?” Ryan asked as they exited the school together.

The two had been inseparable all day, causing much gossipy goodness around Sunnydale High. Buffy wasn’t the type that liked the attention but this felt pretty good.

Buffy bit her lip, “Nah, I have a feeling my house is gonna be a war zone when I get home. I don’t want you have to witness Angel chasing me up to the doorstep yelling at me.”

He laughed and ran his finger’s through his hair, “I think I can handle it Summers. Get in.”

She then realized that they’d reached the parking lot and were standing in front of a beautifully restored vintage red Ford Mustang. Buffy smiled and then giggled, “How can a girl say no to a car like this?”

Ryan smiled widely, “I know. One of the many reasons I love it.”

“You're a freak,” Buffy rolled her eyes playfully, “But I really shouldn’t.” Then the picture of her older brother’s face if she were to be dropped off by a guy like Ryan in a car like this crossed Buffy’s mind and she couldn’t help but mentally smirked. Oh that would be sweet, “You know what? Okay.”

“Hey Buffy!” Spike called from a few feet away, shocking Buffy, Ryan and himself for that matter, “’M supposed to bring you home. Angel’s bloody well pissed at you.” Oh yeah, nice save mate, Spike internally sighed on the inside. He’d been watching her all day and seeing her with that git was driving him bleedin insane. The way the little bastard would take any excuse to touch her, make her laugh. Urg! She was supposed to be following him around like a little puppy, not hanging out with Ryan Cooper!

Buffy rolled her eyes, this time annoyed. She about to reply but then decided to do something much louder than words. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, opened the passenger’s side door of Ryan’s car and slid in but not before blowing her old crush a sarcastic kiss. It’s funny how someone like Ryan at your side could make someone like Spike Giles…okay he was still the sexiest guy she’d ever seen but that wasn’t the point. Something was just different.

Ryan smirked at the platinum blonde male before joining Buffy in his car. The sound of The Matches “Jack Slap Cheer” blared as he started up the car and they tore out of the parking lot. Before they were gone, Spike heard Buffy’s unmistakable giggle and couldn’t help but wonder when it stopped being the most bloody annoying sound ever to the sexiest?

**********************************************************

Lindy Morgan, Sunnydale High’s resident gossip queen and columnist rolled her eyes at the scene before her. Guys were so stupid. Why couldn’t they just make up their damn minds? And people say woman were bad. Geesh. The year before one Spike Giles had cold bloodedly ripped out the heart of one Buffy Summers and stomped on it brutally but now? Ryan was paying a little attention to Buffy and here was Spike practically drooling over her. Dear lord, all a girl had to do was show a little leg and a dude was putty in their freakin hands. Not to forget one of the most powerful forms of seduction was using the jealously card. Lindy really didn’t think that Buffy knew this yet but it would be come very clear, very soon.

Lindy pulled out her laptop and took a seat on a bench in the courtyard by the fountain.

Hmmm, as much as she would love to, she couldn’t let her first article as a senior be a rant about the soon to be Buffy Summers/Ryan Cooper/ Spike Giles love triangle. The Cordy and Angel thing was so passé it made her sick to even think about it. There was also that nifty little rumor about Couch Bradley and Mademoiselle Dubois. Ewww.

With that last thought, Lindy started to type.

You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it. For example for one unnamed person, that would be the affection of a certain petite blonde….

**********************************************************

Buffy’s head feel back against the car seat with a laugh giggle. That had been extremely liberating. Her own little way of telling Spike that he was so yesterday and Angel that she was a big girl now.

“Thanks,” she smiled brightly at the first guy that had ever been really interested in her, “That felt really good.”

Ryan laughed and nodded at Buffy. She was beautiful, sitting here in his car with her laughing. Truth be told, he’d had a huge crush on her since their freshman year but she’d been too involved with following Spike around to ever notice him, “Glad to be of help.”

Buffy smiled at him once again. She’d smiled a lot today. This was something that tended to be uncommon. She had been right about this year. It was going to be better. MUCH better.

They drove in comfortable silence until they reached the Summer’s home. Ryan stopped the car and turned off the ignition. He turned to Buffy and asked, almost shyly,
“Listen Buffy, I was wondering if you’d possibly…”

Unfortunately, Ryan asking her out was cut off by an angry looking Angel pulling into the driveway and stalking over to Ryan’s car.

To dodge any further embarrassment, Buffy blushed and said, “I gotta go. I’ll see you tommorow.” With that, she was gone.

“I hate you!” Buffy bit out to her older brother as she stomped past her and into the house.

**********************************************************

Spike groaned and collapsed down onto his bed. Bloody hell he was an asshole! He’d had her and all of her soft golden hair and velvety tan skin right in front of him for god knows how long and he’d chose to completely ignore her. Now that he couldn’t have her…hold up a fucking second. Who said he COULDN’T have her now? Yeah, who said that he couldn’t be the one to make her laugh, and to play with her hair and touch her lush…Bloody hell.

Spike sat up and shook his head. Angel wouldn’t like it for sure. With his track record, that being love um and leave um, his friend wasn’t going to willing let him anywhere near his little sister. If Spike had a sister, he bloody well wouldn’t let a guy like himself within twenty feet of her.

With one final sigh, Spike stood up, adjusting his erection, (not even thinking of bloody Angel could get rid of this one!) he made his way into the bathroom for a shower.

He ended up taking a very long and cold shower.

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Hope you’re all still interested! I should give you a warning, it’s gonna take a while Buffy and Spike to get together, much to Spike and my dismay. And another warning, there’s going to be a whole buncha of mushy happy in love-ness with Buffy and Ryan. Live through it. Good things come to those who wait. I promise! Reviews make me write faster!

You Don’t Know What You Have Until You’ve Lost It

Miss me Sunnydale High? I know you did so don’t even bother denying it. Who else can you rely on for you daily dose of good old fashion, shameless gossip? Anyway, I’m certainly not going to let this be all about me telling you how much you all love me.
My keen observational skills have opened my eyes to what I feel is going to be one of the most epic love triangles our little school has ever seen. For once in my life, I’m not going to name any names. This is going to be a little secret between me and those involved. Okay so I’m letting you guys in but shhh, don’t tell.
You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it. For example, for one unnamed person, that would be the affection of a certain unnamed blonde. People need to learn to NEVER write anyone off because you don’t know how things are going to wind up.
Let’s call the idiot who made this mistake…Will and the other, newer guy in our heroine’s life Jake. Now, our heroine who is a remarkably mousy girl, we’re going to call her Elizabeth by the way, isn't known for a world-win love life. She might not know it yet, but that’s all going to change for her. Elizabeth, I’m assuming from my prior knowledge was very much head over heels in love with Will and at the moment thinks she’s over it. This is where Jake enters. I know that they’re going to be good together by what I’ve seen but I also know that Will is not going to take the backseat. These are just my predictions people. Watch out for the next installment of this triangle. I’ll keep you posted.

Loves ya all lots
Lindy M.

Buffy tossed her copy of the school paper "Dirty Laundry" in a garbage can carelessly as Willow and she walked down the hall. All anyone ever read in that thing was Lindy’s gossip column and today it had seemed much more like fiction then fact. Like some quote on quote “mousy” girl could ever have not just one but two guys digging her. Yeah right.

“So you mean Ryan was about to ask you out?” Willow asked excitedly.

Buffy sighed and nodded, “But then Angel tears into our driveway and starts to practically rush Ryan’s car. God my brother is so good at ruining my life.”

“Well I think that if he really likes you,” Willow smiled, spotting Ryan creeping up behind her friend as they spoke, “Then he’s gonna ask again.”

“Yeah right,” Buffy muttered, “He’s probably too scared of Angel to even look at me anymore.”

“You never know,” Willow smiled, “I have to get to bio. Bye Buff!”

Buffy shook her head, wondering if Willow had had one too many latte’s this morning before starting to walk again.

She only made it a few feet before two arms wrapped around her waist and she was pulled to a clearly male body. Buffy let out a loud squeal of surprise before she realized who it was, “Ohmigod Ryan! Don’t do that!”

He laughed as she pulled away and spun around to look at him, “What was the sound you made? I’m surprised my ears aren't bleeding.”

Buffy smacked him on the chest playfully, “Shut up jerk! You took my by surprise is all. Watch your back Cooper.”

He laughed again, “Listen, as much as I love harassing you, I’m on a mission.”

“What kinda mission?” Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“To get you to go out with me on Friday,” he replied as nonchalantly as he could.

Buffy lit up, “I like that mission. Not so much with the impossible and I can't believe I just said that so I’m gonna say yes now and shut up.”

“Great,” he replied, “I’ll see you latter Summers.”

Buffy watched Ryan disappear down the hall and smiled. Her life was good.

**********************************************************

Spike on the other hand, wasn’t so oblivious when it came to Lindy’s article. He couldn’t believe he’d even stooped to read the bloody gossip column of a high school paper but he was glad he did.

Spike stomped into the school’s “news room” and found Lindy sitting at her desk reading her e-mail. She looked up at him and smiled, “Hey Spike. What can I do for you?” Like the bloody bitch didn’t know.

He glared at the brunette girl, “Don’t act innocent Morgan, you know bloody well what I’m here about!”

Lindy sighed and rolled her eyes, “Okay fine, say I do know what you're here about. What do you want me to do? This is even better then my soaps so I’m not giving up on your little predicament.”

He sighed heavily and sat down at one of the chairs on the other side of her desk, “Fine, then you can at least give me some fucking advice. What ‘m I going to do? I haven’t been able to stop thinking of the stupid chit since yesterday.”

“I’m going to be honest with you,” Lindy said, “I think that you're kinda slimy. I mean you humiliated and treated her like dirt last year but now that someone showing an interest in her, you want her. That makes you a total slime ball in my book but I’m still going to help you. Don’t ask me why because I have no clue.”

Spike sighed again. She was right as always. He didn’t bloody well like her calling him slimy but he needed her help so he didn’t want to piss her off, “Just tell me what to do oh all knowing one.”

Lindy laughed slightly, “No need to be an asshole because you heard something you didn’t like. You want my advice?”

Spike nodded silently.

“Then get to know her,” Lindy advised, “Be her friend. Get passed her new beauty queen looks and skater boy. After you’ve found out what’s underneath and you still want her, then I’ll have your back.” She paused, standing and collecting her stuff, “Until then.” With that, she left him sitting in there.

**********************************************************

Buffy sat on her living room couch painting her toenails a shiny hot pink and watching TRL. She finished her little toe on her right foot, finally finished and stretched out her legs in front of her. Ooh, pretty color.

Britney’s “My Prerogative” came on and Buffy reached for the remote to turn up the volume before she jumped up off her couch happily. She was sure that no one was home at the moment and started to dance around her living room, singing along.

She didn’t notice the black DeSoto that had pulled into her driveway of course.

Spike didn’t even bother knocking. He’d been around so long; he had his own key to the Summer’s residence. He had decided to take Lindy’s advice and try to be her friend. He didn’t know how long he could go with out making a not so platonic move though. He heard some bloody awful music coming from the living room and followed it. If Angel was listening to Britney Spears, his friend had a lot of explaining to do.

Spike stopped at the scene before him. In just a pair of little pajama shorts that were more fit to be underwear then sleepwear and a tight tank top that exposed all of her smooth shoulders and flat stomach was Buffy, trying to imitate the dancing on TV. She was doing a bang up job. He could only stare at her. This didn’t last long though. Buffy twirled around, still shaking her but and saw him.

“OHMIGOD!” Her face flushed bright red. Buffy really didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Laughing was probably her best option. She let out a small giggle, her face still bright with embarrassment, “Uhh…hey Spike? Why are you in my house?” It was a very relevant question.

His name snapped him out of his trance, “Come again luv?”

Buffy stopped. Had he just called her luv? Oh deary he had. Strangely, it didn’t have the same affect she would have thought it would have had just four months ago, “I asked why are you in my house.”

“Oh, uh, yeah…” he trailed off, trying to think of a way to saw what he wanted to say. Where was his bloody bad ass demeanor when he fucking needed it? It’s not like he hadn’t seen a woman in less. Bloody hell, he’d seen A LOT of woman in less then what Buffy was wearing at the moment but somehow this had managed to turn him into a stuttering git, “I uh…bloody hell. I need to talk to you alright?”

Buffy blinked a few times, not really knowing what was going on before she raised an eyebrow, “Um, okay.” She took a seat on the couch and looked him expectantly, “What about?”

Yeah mate, Spike’s mind goaded him. What about? It’s not like he could just bloody well declare her as his, throw her over his shoulder and carry her upstairs to shag her senseless. That plan worked for him but he was sure that she wouldn’t like it as much as he did.

“Today would be nice,” Buffy stated sarcastically,

Spike started to fidget uncomfortable before taking a deep breath and starting, “I want to be your friend.”

Buffy eyed him warily. Okay this was weird. Spike Giles wanted to be friends with her. That was REALLY weird. Guys like him never did anything with out an ulterior motive but she’d play along for a little while at least, “Okay.”

He stared at her, not really sure if he’d heard her right, “Okay?”

Buffy nodded, “Yeah, okay.” She paused and smiled at him a little too brightly, “Now that we’re friends, we can go shopping together tomorrow. I need to pick out an outfit for my date with Ryan this weekend.” She thought she’d throw in that some guy actually liked her as more than a friend for good measure. You know, just in case his plan was to get her to think he really liked as more and then walk all over that notion. It wasn’t going to happen to her again. She was NOT going to let bleach brain here hurt her again.

Spike smiled tightly, partly from the mention of Ryan Cooper and partly the fact that he was going to have to go shopping, “Sounds great luv. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow after school. Oh! And maybe after we can see if they can squeeze us in for manicures at the new salon at the mall,” Buff chirped.

Spike turned back and looked at her in pure horror before she laughed, “Just kidding! Bye.”

Once Spike was in his car, his head fell against the steering wheel with an agonized sigh.

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I told you reviews made me write faster! I want to thank you all and to answer a question that was asked a few times by reviews, I’m not going to make Ryan an asshole. He’s gonna be MUCH more competition for Spike then Riley ever was. Review PLEASE!!

Buffy didn’t tell Willow or Xander just who her shopping was going to get done with. She knew damn well that Xander would pop and blood vessel if he found out that she was going shopping or anywhere with Spike for that matter. It was kinda funny that her friend’s where more bitter about the year before than her. It’s not like it had happened to them or anything. She spared a quick glace at the clock and sighed. Thirty more minutes of World History. Whoopee! Not. Buffy looked at the clock once more before drifting off into her own little world.

*********
FLASHBACK
*********

Buffy Summers eyes filled with tears as the nine on the digital clock turned into a zero once again. Two hours. She’d been waiting for Spike Giles to pick her up for the last two hours. Wiping away the tears and shaking her head, she stood and headed up the stairs to her room. She collapsed down onto her bed and let a sob tear through her.

She’d been so stupid! She’d been delusional enough to think for one minute that a guy like Spike would ever give a girl like her a second glance. The world just didn’t work like that. No one would ever see her as anything more than the ugly duckling.

Monday, she decided, closing her eyes. Monday she would confront him. She’d give him a piece of her mind for sure. Yeah, Monday…Those were her last thoughts as she drifted into a fitful sleep.

**********************************************************

On Monday Buffy made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She approached him in front of his friends. At least Angel hadn’t been there. She wasn’t even sure if he knew.

“You never showed up,” she stated quietly.

“Blondie bear?” Harmony Kendal, the one person Buffy hated the most in this world automatically started to whine, “Why is the freak talking to you?”

Spike ignored his girlfriend and smirked at Buffy before bursting out laughing. This wasn’t the laugh she found to be so charming, this sent chills down her spine, “You…” laughter, “Actually thought…” more harsh laughter, “I was going to bloody well show up?”

People were starting to gather around to witness the utter humiliation of Buffy Summers. What a joyous event. Buffy looked down at her feet, tears starting to gather in her eyes, “Well yeah. I’m sorry.” She turned to get out there as quickly as possible but soon learned that he wasn’t done.

“Well isn't that just a bloody riot?” the crowd’s laughter only egged him on, “What is it? Betty? Bethy? You thought that I’d actually stoop myself to ever asking you out for anything more than a laugh? You're nothing in this school. You're beneath me.”

Buffy couldn’t stand it anymore. Tears were streaming down her face and showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. To hurt to even comprehend complete thoughts, she bolted as fast as she could. The sound of people laughing still rung in her ears as Spike malicious words replayed over and over in her head. Buffy ran and ran until her legs gave in on her.

Life sucked.

**********************************************************

“What?! I’m up!” Buffy exclaimed as the bell rang, ripping her violently from her dream.

Willow looked at her friend as she gathered her books and stood, “Um Buff? Are you okay?”

Buffy looked around before taking a breath and nodding, “Yeah, sorry. I kinda feel asleep. Bad dream.” Buffy got up from her desk and Willow and she exited the classroom.

“Wanna talk about it?” Willow asked in her caring friend voice.

Buffy sighed deeply and shook her head, “Nah, I’m okay. So over it.”

Willow didn’t look convinced but thankfully didn’t press the matter any further, “Okay Buffy. Have fun shopping with your mom.” With that, the girls parted ways.

Buffy couldn’t help but wonder if her dream had had an ominous meaning behind it or if it was just her mind wigging out of her about hanging with Spike unconsciously. It was more than likely option B. Like she actually believed in dreams with meanings. She quickly opened her locker before shoving in her books and grabbing her backpack. Time to meet up with Spike.

Now there was a thought she was sure she would never have. Wow, her life was just getting weirder and weirder by the second.

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*smack* *smack* dear lord that would have to cause some MAJOR emotional damage. What an ass Spike was. I know, I know. You're all probably think how could Buffy just forgive him for something like that? Well, she’s trying to be all strong. This is for all of you wanted to know what had happened between the two! Thanks ever so much for the great reviews. If you want to see just what happens at the mall, all you have to do is review, review, review!

sigh, I had this chapter all planned out perfectly and now that I’m sitting down to write it, it’s just not working. If this chapter seems forced well that’s cause it was. So sorry. I promise the next will be much better!

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Buffy had been extremely surprised to find Spike waiting for her outside of the school, “Oh, hey Spike.”

Spike took one final drag of his cigarette before stomping it out, “’Ello luv. You ready?”

Buffy nodded and smiled slightly, “Those things’ll kill you.”

“So will a lot of other things,” he pointed out with a smirk.

Buffy rolled her eyes, “True enough. Mall time.”

He looked less than ecstatic for sure. Oh this was going to be so much fun for her, “You know what? I’ll make you a deal. If you play nice with me while I pick out my outfit for Friday, then we’ll do anything you want after that.”

Anything? Spike mentally shook his head. She didn’t mean THAT. Bloody hell, talk about wishful thinking, “Okay, sounds good pet.”

Buffy stopped and turned to him as they were getting into his car, “I have a name you know and it’s not luv, or pet. Give Buffy a try.”

Spike sighed silently. Okay, this was already all going to hell, “Anything you want lu…Buffy.”

Buffy laughed lightly at his almost-slipup and smiled at him. This was going to be an interesting day to say the least.

**********************************************************

The second they stepped into the mall entrance, Buffy went into shopping mode. She was a girl on a mission. She had to find the seamless outfit. It had to be planned to perfection from her earrings to her shoes.

“Where to first luv?”

Buffy didn’t even bother to scowl at him for going back to the pet name use. The Buffy thing at least lasted the car ride over, “Nordstrom.”

Spike bit back a groan of protest, “Then Nordstrom it is.”

“And then Bebe, then 21 Forever and…” Buffy started to list off the names of places they had to go. Spike just looked at her in horror, not really listening. He was going to bloody well murder Lindy for ever suggesting this friends thing. This was going to be pure torture.

**********************************************************

“Just try on the bleedin thing and let’s get out of here!” Spike bit out as he waited for Buffy to come out of the dressing room in H&M. She’d been in there forever and he was getting annoyed as hell.

“I’m coming out right now!” Buffy snapped, “Chill out.” The dressing room door swung open to reveal Buffy standing there in a red silk, long sleeve wrap mini-dress that clung perfectly to everyone of her new found curves, “Is it to much?”

Spike opened his mouth to try to say something but chocked on his words. She was beautiful. She wasn’t fake like all the other chit’s he’d dated at all. Bloody hell, where was this coming from?

“Hello? Earth to Spike?” Buffy waved her hand in front of his face for dramatic affect, “Is it to much?”

“Not at all luv,” he finally snapped out of it, “You look stunning.”

Buffy rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but laugh, “Well thank you kind sir. Not everyday a girl gets called stunning.”

Not everyday a guy sees a girl that looks as stunning as you, he thought. Oh bloody hell! He was turning into a poof. Being tamed by a girl that he was sure didn’t even want him. Well fuck. Spike forced his infamous smirk across his face, “Call it like I see it pet.”

“Then you need to get your eyes checked,” Buffy muttered as she slipped back into the dressing room to take of the dress.

Buffy didn’t get what was going on. He was being so nice, complimenting her every chance he got, even carrying her bags when she didn’t ask him to. This was starting to get really confusing.

A few minutes later she reemerged from the dressing room with the dress in her hands. She quickly paid for it, only thirty bucks by the way, gotta love H&M and they were off to their next destination.

“So what next?” Spike asked, praying to god it was almost over. Sure, he’d enjoyed the Buffy part but he’d rather shoot his own bloody brains out then do the shopping.

Buffy smiled brightly at him, “Well I need to get shoes, makeup and jewelry covered but then we need to move onto casual, jeans and a top, just in case…hey, Spike? Wait, why are you walking away from me? Come back!”

**********************************************************

Buffy applied a kittenish pink colored lip gloss with a Q-tip and smacked her lips together before turning to Spike, “Kissable or not kissable?”

Spike just stared at her pouty lips and blinked. Bloody hell! Buffy Summers somehow managed to drain all of his smoothness and cockiness right out of him. He couldn’t do anything other than nod mutely like an idiot.

**********************************************************

“Ooh! Ooh!” Buffy lit up, stopping in front of Fredrick’s Of Hollywood with bright eyes, “Underwear sale!” She then grabbed Spike’s hand and pulled him in the tackily, but totally awesomely decorated store.

Buffy held up a tiny white thong with a rainbow on the ass. The image of her wearing that thong with nothing else popped into Spike’s head instantly. He was sure he was in hell now.

**********************************************************

“Ice cream?” Buffy asked as they started towards the food court.

Spike mentally sighed in relief. Ice cream he could handle, “Sure thing luv. My treat. You’ve already spent a bloody obscene amount of money today already.”

Buffy smiled as they sat down at a table, “It’s part of my job description. The least daddy dearest can do anyways.” She paused before standing again, “Be back in a sec. Have to use the bathroom.”

Spike nodded, “Kay, what’s your pleasure luv?”

Buffy blinked at him a few times before he elaborated, “What kind of ice cream do you want?”

Buffy giggled, embarrassed, “I’m a chick Spike. Chocolate is always the way to go.”

He smirked, “Chocolate it is then. And anytime you ever need any other kinda of pleasure…”

“Don’t even finish that statement pig,” Buffy rolled her eyes but smiled none the less. With that she headed off to the bathroom. As she was passing Taco Bell, a familiar voice called out her name. A large smile crossed her lips as she turned to see Ryan sitting at a table with Dan Simons, Cory Olsen and Mark Bedford.

“Hey Ryan, boys,” she said, her smile still in place. The all nodded in acknowledgment.

“Shopping?” Ryan asked with a smile.

“Why else would I be here?” she laughed, “Eat, breath, sleep, shop. My life.”

Ryan laughed and then asked, “You need a ride home?”

Buffy hesitated for a second, “Uh, yeah, sure. Let me just go grab my bags okay? It was nice seeing you guys too.”

“Okay,” Ryan nodded, “I’ll wait.”

With that, Buffy started back to Spike. For some reason she felt kinda bad she was going to ditch him but oh well. He was a big boy and besides, it’s not like they were on a date. Sure, her suspicions about him wanting to be her friend had died down over the course of the afternoon but it’s not like they were bestest friends. She’d never leave Willow or Xander for a guy. Okay, so she would but that wasn’t the point.


“That was quick luv,” he smirked as she reached the table. He was waiting there with ice cream too and she felt even worse, “And here I thought most chits spent forever in the bathroom.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile, “We do. I uh, met up with Ryan. I’m gonna head out with him okay?”

Hurt flickered in Spike’s eye briefly before he stomped it down and forced a smile, “Okay pet. Not a problem. Have a good time with your skater boy.” He hadn’t meant to, but he couldn’t help but spit out the last part like it was poison.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Buffy. What the hell was that about, “Okay, great. I’ll see you later!” With that, she made a hasty exit, still wondering why what that had been all about. Those thoughts disappeared as she met up with Ryan. They smiled at each other before linking arms and heading out to the parking lot.

**********************************************************
hope that that was okay. I don’t like this chapter at all but I’ll have to live with it. Review and tell me what you think pretty please. Oh yeah, thanks for all the great reviews again by the way!

Buffy could barely contain her excitement. It was Friday night. Tonight she went out with Ryan and she was going crazy.

Willow laughed as she watched her friend bounce off the wall, “Buffy, you really need to calm down. Ryan will be here any second. I promise and then you two are going to go have a great time.”

Xander, who was sulking on her bed, gave a snort. It wasn’t a secret Xander had a little crush on Buffy and wasn’t happy about this date. Truthfully, Buffy didn’t know what he was even doing here. She loved Xander but you don’t have guy friends over before a date.

Buffy just rolled her eyes at her male friend and turned her attention back to Willow, “You're right Wills. I’m sorry. I’m just so anxious and oh my god, what I’m I going to do with my brother?” That was the one thing Buffy didn’t have planned out. She knew damn well that Angel was going to interrogate Ryan into he was huddled into a corner as a form of self defense.

Willow cringed, thinking the same thing as Buffy. Angel had the over protective big brother roll down pat. If there was an over protective big brother award, he’d win it by a landslide for sure.

“Okay,” Buffy bit her bottom lip, trying to think of a way to get around it, “Wills, you stay upstairs with Xander and when Ryan show’s up, you scream and Xander pretends to attach you…”

“Wait, what?” Xander snapped into the conversation, “Angel’ll hit me! Your brother hits hard!”

“Buffy,” Willow couldn’t help but laugh, “Don’t you think that that’s just a tid bit extreme?”

“NO!” Buffy exclaimed.

“YES!” Xander had snapped in a panicked voice at the same time.

“But Xand…” Buffy started to pout but was stopped by the doorbell. Crap, it was too late. Buffy gave one last look at her friends before she headed downstairs in hope of saving Ryan.

**********************************************************

“Bloody hell,” Spike sighed at his friend, “Would you stop that?”

Angel had been pacing across the living room floor for at least fifteen minutes. He couldn’t wait to meet Buffy’s date…then to rip of the little bastard’s head off. Okay, so he a little over protective but what brother wasn’t? Right? Angel stopped to glare at Spike before he resumed his pacing.

Spike was having similar thoughts, about ripping Ryan’s head off anyways. It wasn’t fair. She was supposed to have broken her date with that poof and jump into his arms. Things were NOT going the way he wanted them for sure, “Can we just go? Buff…your sis is a big girl now peaches. ‘M sure she doesn’t need you around here to give her little date the third degree.” Truth be told, he just didn’t want to be around when skater boy showed so he could watch them drive off into the fucking sunset together.

Angel stopped once more and stared at Spike like he’d said the most ridiculous thing ever, “You're kidding right? I love my sister but she’s not exactly bright. Buffy’s the kind of girl that guys manipulate, use and throw away.” Angel had given him a pointed look while saying this. He’d kicked Spike’s ass for the sick joke he’d played on his sister but still wasn’t happy about it.

Spike mentally winched before sighing once more and shutting his mouth.

A few beats of silence passed before the doorbell rang. Angel was on it in an instant.

“Uh hey,” the dark blonde skater said, slightly uneasy because of the look in Angel’s eyes as the door opened, “I’m here to pick up Buffy.”

Angel eyed him suspiciously before giving a slight nod and letting him in the house but not without giving Ryan and intimidating glare.

Buffy was down in a blur of red, blue and blonde. She stopped at the bottom step and beamed at her date, “Hey Ryan.”

Ryan smiled at her with the boyish charm she loved, “Hey Buffy. You look amazing.”

Angel and Spike both scowled.

“Oh look at my baby,” Mrs. Summers smiled brightly as she entered the living room, “You to look so cute together.”

Buffy suppressed an eye roll and turned to her mother after looking at Angel, “I know. Can we go now?”

Angel hadn’t had a chance to terrorize Ryan yet and she didn’t want to give him it.

Her mother smiled warmly again, “Yes of course. You go on honey and have a great time. Be back by…”

“Nine,” Angel interjected sternly.

Buffy turned to get mother wide eyes and whined, “MOM!”

“Be back by twelve-thirty Buffy,”

Buffy fought off the urge to stick her tongue out at her brother. She just hugged her mother instead with a, “Thank you so much!” She turned to look at Ryan once more before saying, “Bye all!”

With that, Buffy grabbed Ryan by the hand and practically yanked him out of the house, not once noticing the piercing blue eyes burning a hole in the back of her date’s head.

**********************************************************

Spike was NOT brooding. He was simply standing in a dark corner with his handy drink and pouting. That was NOT brooding. He spotted a flash of light brunette curls and groaned silently. This was the last thing he needed.

“Hey Spikey,” Lindy smiled cheekily at him, “Dare I ask what you're doing standing in the corner all by your lonesome looking like ya got a stick up are ass?”

“I’m not brooding,” he snapped out at her.

She laughed lightly and threw her hands up in defense for dramatic affect, “Hey, hey, hey. Did the words brood or brooding ever leave my lips? I think not. Now come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I hate you,” he stated simply, taking a sip out of his flask, “You're plan was bloody worthless. She’d out with skater boy right now.”

Lindy rolled her eyes, “Well dur. Didja really think that after one day of hanging with you, she was going to fall head over heels in love with you once again? Sweetie, she’s found a new honey who came along swept her right off her feet. You want her, work for her.”

“Did I mention that I hate you?” he asked casually.

“Yup, ya did,” she smiled at him brightly, “Hate you to babe. See ya round.” She turned to leave, giving him a saucy wink before working her way back into the party.

He really did hate the bloody bitch.

**********************************************************

“Where are we going?” Buffy asked, trying to not sound over excited. Was it normal to feel like you were going to pee your pants while on a first date? Probably not. Oh well.

Ryan laughed and turned to look at the blonde beauty next to him, “If I told you, I’d ruin the surprise Summers. Don’t want that now do we? Besides, we’re almost there.”

“We’re driving to the middle of no where,” Buffy muttered, pouting, making Ryan laugh again. God she was cute.

After a few more minutes, the car came to a stop and Ryan got out of the car. Buffy started to follow but he’d already ran around the car to open the door for her. God he was cute, “Come on, follow me.” He held out his hand to her, pulling her out of her car but letting go to grab something from the backseat.

“It’s dark,” Buffy whined, “I can't see anything.” This was starting to creep her out. It was pitch black and she could hear water. Leave it to Ryan to take her somewhere weird, “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see in a second,” he smiled, or at least he sounded like he was to Buffy.

They stopped at a cement wall with a small light. There was a slight incline in which he climbed up first, setting down his mystery package and helping her up. She couldn’t help but notice that the sound of rushing water was getting louder and louder the farther they went.

“Watch your step,” he warned as they started across a narrow path. Buffy gripped his hander tighter. They finally came to a stop and Ryan let go of her hand. Buffy looked around for the first time even though she could barely see. There they were. At the Fairview City dam on a small metal platform above. Well, the boy was original for sure.

Buffy laughed as they sat down next to each other and both turned to look at each other at the same time, “You know you're kinda weird Cooper.”

He smiled cheekily, “So are you Summers. Match made in heaven.”

“Guess so,” Buffy agreed happily. Her head was swimming. She kinda liked it.

“So anyways,” Ryan said as he set a grocery bag down between them, “You ever had a picnic over other city’s dam?”

Buffy laughed and shook her head no, “Can't say I have.”

“Good,” Ryan replied.

He had this planned out perfectly. All of a sudden the siren started to blare and the lights shot on, the sound of rushing water strong as ever. With out further adue, the dam opened and the water came pouring down. Buffy’s eyes were wide, from the initial shock but soon sat back and watched the water with Ryan.

And to think, this was just he beginning. Not only their date but of an amazing relationship.

**********************************************************

Ryan’s car pulled into the Summer’s driveway at twelve twenty-two. He shut off the ignition and turned to look at Buffy, who was already looking at him.

“Thanks for a great night Cooper,” Buffy smiled shyly.

Ryan returned her shy smile, which was very much unlike him, “I’m really glad you went out with me Summers. I was sure that you’d say no when I asked you.”

Buffy’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion, “Why?”

He sighed, “Well you were always to busy following that Spike dude around.”

Buffy mentally winched. Valid point. Oh well, it didn’t matter now, “That doesn’t matter anymore Ryan. I’m so over that. Besides, after a night like this, how could I possibly want to go out with only one else.” Shut you mouth Buff before you embarrass yourself.

Ryan laughed but not at her, “Feelings are mutual.” With that, he leaned down, closer and closer…HONK! Angel’s black car pulled into the driveway behind them, honking his horn, like he knew exactly what was about to happen.

Buffy sighed heavily and blushed slightly, “I gotta go. Call me?”

Ryan nodded, “Okay. Tomorrow.”

Buffy wanted to roll her eyes. Guys never call the day after, or at least she’d heard. Oh well, “Tomorrow. Night Cooper.” With that, she started to get out of the car.

“Night Summers,” Ryan smiled as was about to shut the door. He watched her walk up her front steps and into the house with that same smile. Tomorrow for sure.

**********************************************************
hehe, I was gonna have Angel chew Ryan’s ass off but then I went and had my very first dinner with my boyfriends parents and I didn’t have the heart, due to the fact that I had my ass chewed off by his sister, lol. Anywho, review please. That is, if you want to know what happens next....oh yeah. Thanks for the reviews again!!!!

sigh, I’m kinda impatient, okay I’m REALLY impatient so instead of writing ten chapters of Buffy/Ryan relationship with hints of a brooding Spike, I skipped ahead a few months. Hope you all enjoy!
**********************************************************

It’s kinda funny how things work out. Everything had been perfect for Buffy and Ryan for the first three months of their relationship. They were sickening to watch, Buffy would admit it. All lovey dovey and coupley. Was that even a word? Did it matter? Not so much. Things were totally different now. It had went from a call everyday for no reason whatsoever to the point that she was lucky to hear from him an entire week. The loving little pecks and squeezes and passionate kisses had turned to nothing more than the occasional sloppy make-out sessions and quickies anywhere he could get them. It had become quite clear that Buffy Summers was nothing more than arm candy to Ryan. It hurt.

***Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone***

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, a head ache on its way and rubbed her temples to clear all of her thoughts. It didn’t work of course. When she opened them back up, the world came rushing back to her, almost smacking her onto her ass. There she was, standing off in a corner, completely invisible to the world around her while Ryan sat on a couch playing Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 or whatever and smocking a joint with his friends. He was clearly having a ball.

***Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided***

High energy punk music blasted in the background but she could barely hear it because she was too lost in thought. The smell of stale sweat and smoke hung heavy in the air. She wanted to puke. Cory Olsen’s girlfriend Hailey Albrecht flashed Buffy a quick smile as they headed up the stairs she was standing by. She forced a weak smile across her face and nodded. It seemed like she never smiled anymore. Did anyone even notice? Probably not. It didn’t even mater to her anymore.

***Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud***

Tears stung her eyes. She quickly wiped them away even though it wouldn’t have mater if she had just let them stream down her cheeks, showing her misery to the whole world. The world wasn’t looking. She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw something across the room. She wanted someone to notice her for god’s sake! She knew it sounded self absorbed but she didn’t want to be invisible. She’d been invisible for since the beginning of junior high and then she’d been seen and it had felt so nice. Now, she’d had that wonderfully, warming feeling ripped carelessly from her by the boy she was pretty sure she was in love with. Maybe she was just meant to be unloved by anyone other than her family and close friends. It would truly clear so many things up.

***Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going no where
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going no where***

Wiping her eyes once more, Buffy started to approach her boyfriend carefully.

“Ryan?” Buffy asked impatiently, no one even looking at her, “Can we go? This party’s totally lame.”

Ryan finally turned to look at his girlfriend and clearly suppressed a sigh of slight annoyance, “In a minute babe. I’m winning!”

Buffy stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Oh yeah, what made a WHOLE world of difference to her if he was winning at some stupid ass video game, “Whatever.” With that, she stomped off, all too familiar tears starting up again with a vengeance.

She stumbled out of the house, clutching her purse to her until the fresh air hit her face. She sniffled and pulled out her cell. She couldn’t call Willow or Xander because neither had a car and she sure as hell could NOT call her brother. He’d probably storm in and beat the shit out of Ryan for hurting her. Didn’t want that now did we? Okay, maybe it would be a little fun to watch Ryan get the shit beat out of him but that wasn’t the point!

Sniffling again, Buffy quickly dialed an oddly familiar number and let it ring. It rang five times before he picked up. “Hey luv what’s up?”

Buffy paused before saying shakily, “Spike, I need you to come pick me up.”

Automatically detecting the tears in her voice, Spike asked gently, “Kitten, what’s wrong. Where are you?”

“Oh god Spike,” Buffy let her new tears fall, “I’m so fucking stupid! He doesn’t care about me anymore.” The last statement came out as a whisper of pure sadness.

“I’m on my way Buffy,” was the last thing he said before the line went dead.

Buffy knew that he’d be there.

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I hope that was okay! I was going to make one long chapter but I decided to cut it into 2 short ones. I’m starting on the next after I finish typing this so I’ll make this short. Thanks ever so much for all of you who review cause they keep this story going. Review pretty please!!! Oh yeah, the song in this chapter is Avril Lavinge's Losing Grip

Spike spotted her instantly. She was standing outside of the house, the moonlight highlighting the shiny tears rolling down her beautiful face. It broke his heart but at the same time, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

He turned off the ignition and got out of his car. He approached her slowly, his eyes never leaving her. She finally seemed to spot him because a weak smile crossed her lips.

The second he was close enough, he had a hundred and five pounds of Buffy in his arms sobbing her heart out.

“Shhh, shhh, luv,” he tried to sooth her, rubbing her back gently, “It’s okay pet. Let’s get you outta here.”

Buffy nodded slowly against his chest, nuzzling her cheek against him before giving him a barely audible, “Okay.”

With that, the two unnatural blondes made their way back to his car.

**********************************************************

“Are you sure it’s cool that I spend the night here?” Buffy sniffled as Spike let him into his house.

He nodded at her before smiling at her. Buffy stopped. It was a smile. She’d never seen him smile. Grin? Yes. Smirk? Always. But smile? Never, “It’s fine. The old man isn't home at the moment and even so, you’re the daughter he never had.”

Buffy laughed a little and nodded. Giles was very much a surrogate father to her. She wouldn’t have had it any other way, “Okay.” She paused before looking up at him with big, sincere eyes, “Thank you so much Spike. You didn’t have to come and get me.”

He didn’t reply right away. He was to busy drowning in her wide hazel eyes. He finally looked away and shook his head, “Yeah I did luv.” He needed to change the subject. This was leading into dangerous territory, “Here, let me get you something to change into.”

Buffy nodded thankfully and followed him into his bedroom. She watched him closely. She didn’t know what had possessed her to call him but something deep down in her told her that he’d come for her. Over the past three months a friendship had developed between the two much to everyone’s surprise including herself. Ryan hadn’t like it very much but didn’t let it show. Ryan…oh god…Ryan.

Spike turned around when he heard a small sob come from Buffy. Bloody hell, he couldn’t stand that! He was soon learned that when she cried, it hurt him. He took her hand in his gently and pulled her along, “Come on luv. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Buffy looked up at him with teary eyes before replying, “Would you just hold me?”

He hesitated for a second but then realized it was probably one of the only chances to have her in his arms and nodded, “Okay pet. Anything to make you feel better.” And it was the truth. He’d do anything to make her smile again.

**********************************************************

“So luv, what is it? TV or a mov…” Spike was cut off mid-sentence when Buffy entered the living room in one of his black t-shirts and a one of his only pairs of boxers. Bloody hell. She wasn’t revealing anything but it was THE sexiest thing he’d ever seen, her standing there in his clothes.

Buffy noticed him staring, and instantly wrapped her arms around herself self consciously. She bit her lip before asking, “Is everything okay? Do you want me to go home? I’d understand if you…”

This snapped him out of his Buffy induced daze, “NO!” Spike mentally kicked himself in the ass. God, he sounded like a desperate git.

Buffy couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the urgency of his reply, “Um, okay.” She paused before adding shyly, “Truth be told, I really don’t want to go.”

Spike smirked in his usual cocky way, “Well of course not luv. It’s me you're here with isn't it?”

Buffy couldn’t help but giggle, “You're a jackass you know that?”

“You love it,” Spike regretted the statement the second it left his mouth.

Buffy’s lower lip quivered and a whole new flood of tears erupted. You love it. Ryan always said that after she’d insult him, playfully or not. Always.

“Oh, pet,” Spike said sympathetically, “I’m sorry.”

Buffy looked at him sadly before she practically tackled Spike with another hug. She didn’t know why, but for some reason it made her feel better, a hug from him that was.

Spike buried his face into her golden hair and inhaled deeply, unconsciously pulling her to him as close as possible. It felt so bloody good to have her with him and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

He finally pulled away before Buffy noticed his growing arousal of having her so close, “Why don’t we sit down and you tell me what happened kitten?”


Buffy nodded sullenly before taking a seat on the Giles’s living room couch. She looked up at him with wide glossy eyes before asking seriously, “Am I not smart enough? Pretty enough? Special enough? Why doesn’t he love me anymore Spike?”

In two seconds flat, Spike went from caring to livid. Buffy Summer was absolutely perfect and she deserved to know it! At that moment, he wanted to rip skater boy into pieces. Okay so he’d always wanted to rip Ryan into pieces but the need had never been this bloody strong.

Buffy shook her head and looked away, “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I guess not.”

Spike sat down next to her and grabbed her hands, “Luv look at me.” Buffy sighed and looked at him with sad, hazel eyes before he continued, “Skater boy is a fucking idiot. You're all of those things and then some!”

“You're just saying that,” she said softly before her face hardened slightly, “It’s okay. I’m over it already.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. They both knew that that was far, far from the truth. Before either knew what happened, Buffy burst out in tears once more.

With out even having to think about it, Spike pulled the small blonde into his arms possessively and let her cry. A feeling of warmth spread through his entire body as realization hit him. He was in love his best friend’s sister.

**********************************************************
well there ya go! I hope that was okay cause I’m a little unsure about it. Review pretty please. In the next chapter Spike has a “talk” with Ryan and if y’all wanna see that, you know what to do!

“So what are we doing again?” Willow questioned Buffy as she dug under her bed with a raised eyebrow.

Buffy turned to give Willow a “duh” look, “An exorcism.”

Willow’s red brows knitted together, “Someone went Linda Blair?”

Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at that, “No silly. I’m exorcizing Ryan from my room.” She let out an “ah-huh!” as she pulled a pair of blue and green plaid boxers from under her bed, “I know these were down here. Sneaky bastards like their owner.”

Willow’s face turned as red as her hair and looked away with a nervous laugh.

“Hand me the garage can,” Buffy asked, “I think these are it.”

Willow handed her, her tin garbage can that was half way full with clothes, CD’s, and an stuffed bear in a pumpkin costume that Ryan had won for Buffy at the Halloween fair. Buffy tossed in the boxers before her hands reached up around her neck and unclasped a small diary key on a chain. The key to his heart. Bullshit. Now, if it was a joint on a chain, well that would be a whole different story.

“Okay now what?” Willow asked, not really getting it, “Just giving it back to him isn't an exorcism. It’s just…give back.”

Buffy nodded. She hadn’t really thought ahead of this point. She stopped to think about it a second before inspiration hit. She picked up the box, grabbing her inspiration off her desk and started out of her house with Willow in tow.

Once they were outside, Buffy set the box down in the middle of the driveway and pulled out a book of matches. Willow’s eyes widened, “Omigod Buffy! You can not incinerate Ryan’s stuff! Be a giver!”

Buffy smiled wickedly, “No thanks. I like my way better.” With that, Buffy struck a match, setting it on fire and tossed it into the can before Willow could stop her.

All either girl could do was watched the fire.

**********************************************************

Monday, the day Buffy had been dreading. Monday was the day she had to face Ryan. Yeah, things were over between them. She was done with him. She was sick and tired for being treated like dirt. So what if it would make her single again. She’d deal. Ryan had been an…experiment. Yeah, an experiment. Her first boyfriend. Okay so there was Nate Billson in the seventh grade but going to a dingy school dance in which they’d ditched each other for their friends within minutes didn’t count.

“You okay?” Willow asked as they entered the school, taking note of her friend’s obvious tension.

Buffy bit her lip and turned to Willow, “Not so much. I’m gonna break up with Ryan today. I just don’t know, ah, when.”

Willow gave her a sympathetic smile before saying, “Yeah, well I figured that after you burned his CD’s and clothes.”

“It was fun,” Buffy laughed and Willow gave her a look. She smiled wickedly and added, “Really, really fun.”

They stopped outside of Willow’s homeroom and hugged quickly.

“If you need any support, I’m here,” Willow smiled.

Buffy nodded and took a deep breath, “I know. Big chocolate fest at my house after school. I’m planning on totally eating the pain away in chocolate form.”

Oh, a lot of snickers were going to be consumed tonight. With that last thought, Buffy turned to make her way to the court yard where Ryan and his buds usually messed around before school.

**********************************************************

“Hey skater boy,” Spike said as casually as he could, “I need to talk to you.”

Ryan stopped and turned to see one of the people he hated most in life. He was always sniffing around Buffy. And that smirk! God, Ryan really wanted to wipe it off his face.

Boy guys stopped and glared at each other. There they stood, in the middle of the courtyard, staring each other down. They must have looked like idiots. Yeah, like they cared.

“Yes bleached wonder?” Ryan sighed, finally looking away.

“Okay, I have a problem with you,” Spike took a step forward, trying to intimidate, “I got a call last night from Buffy and she was crying her bloody eyes out. Do you know why exactly?” The last part was spit out like poison.

Ryan shrugged, “I dunno, she was being real bitchy on Saturday. PMS maybe?”

The closer he got, the stronger the urge to smash skater boy’s face in got. He had a feeling wouldn’t like that though, “Not the answer I was looking for skater boy,”

“Listen Captain Peroxide,” Ryan laughed sarcastically, “I don’t know what you're getting at here but I do know that you have a thing for my girl. Must hurt to know that no matter how much time you spend with her, she always come back to me and then we’ll fuck.”

Spike’s fist clenched at his sides.

“Yeah, in the beginning she’d been all cute and sweet and I’d wanted to spend every moment with her but now, she’s just arm candy. I think I might break up with her thought. You know what? This little conversation made me see the light. I’m gonna keep her around a little bit longer,” Ryan went on with a smirk that put Spike’s to shame, knowing that he was pissing off the platinum blonde, “I mean man can she suck…”

Ryan hadn’t seen it coming but he felt it for sure. Spike’s fist came crashing into his face with all the force he hand, “Don’t you EVER talk about her that way! She’s a bloody goddess and you're nothing but a piece of fucking dirt!”

A crowd had gathered by the time the second punch was thrown.

Buffy entered the court yard and instantly heard the loud chant of “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” Oh come on, Buffy thought. Guys were just so immature. Like they had something to prove by hitting each other.

Her arm was suddenly grabbed with a perfectly manicured hand to the point of pain. Cordelia Chase, who had witnessed the whole thing smiled at her ever so brightly, “Who knew you had it in you Summers. I guess you didn’t come out of the shallow end of the gene pool after all.”

Buffy’s brows scrunched together, “Wait a second. Huh?”

Cordelia’s eyes widened slight but then went back to silently smirking at her, “You mean you don’t know? They’re fighting over you!”

Buffy shook her head, completely confused on what was going on. That was until she heard a loud, “Bloody hell!” and things then got a whole lot clearer.

Buffy pulled out of Cordy’s grip and pushed her way through the crowd of kids as fast as possible. In the middle of the circle was Spike and Ryan trading punches.

“STOP IT!” Buffy practically screamed, “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING!?”

They stopped almost instantly, both turning to stare at her. To say the least, she looked pissed.

Buffy was beyond pissed. She was tempted to take a swing at both of them herself, “Answer me! What the hell is this about?!”

“Luv…” Spike started but Buffy cut him off short.

“Don’t you date “luv” me William,” Buffy bit out, making sure to exaggerate his real first name.

Spike turned to Ryan, “Come on skater boy. Go tell your girlfriend what you were saying about her. It’s a real bloody riot you know!”

Buffy turned to look at her for sure now ex with cold eyes, “Well come on now Ryan. What were you saying about me?”

Ryan avoided the question perfectly, “That doesn’t matter Buffy. He loves you, you know.”

Buffy eyes widened slightly before she shook her head vehemently in denial, “No way. Not a chance in hell. Never!” she turned to Spike with wide eyes, begging him to tell her differently.

Spike was about to open his mouth and deny it but he couldn’t. It was true. He loved her, “I can't do that kitten.”

Buffy’s eyes looked like they were going to pop. That’s how huge they were, “Why?”

Spike turned and looked at her with the most beautiful, sincere eyes she’d ever seen, “Because I do you,” It had come out as nothing more then a whisper.

“Oh.”

**********************************************************
tehe, I’m an evil bitch aren't I? I’ll have the next chapter up as soon as I can. Reviews to make me write faster you know…

**falls off computer chair laughing** okay, I really need a beta. I was pointed out in a review the fact that I said “because I do you” instead of the clean version of “because I do” not that I would mind letting Spike do me…anyhow so sorry but the last three beta’s I tried never contacted me again! grrr. Okay, I’m over it. ENJOY!!!

**********************************************************

Ryan avoided the question perfectly, “That doesn’t matter Buffy. He loves you, you know.”

Buffy eyes widened slightly before she shook her head vehemently in denial, “No way. Not a chance in hell. Never!” she turned to Spike with wide eyes, begging him to tell her differently.

Spike was about to open his mouth and deny it but he couldn’t. It was true. He loved her, “I can't do that kitten.”

Buffy’s eyes looked like they were going to pop. That’s how huge they were, “Why?”

Spike turned and looked at her with the most beautiful, sincere eyes she’d ever seen, “Because I do,” It had come out as nothing more then a whisper.

“Oh.”

Buffy couldn’t think. It was like the entire world had frozen around her. Spike loved her? No, that could never be…could it? Apparently yes!

“You…” Buffy started but was quickly interrupted.

No one saw the punch coming from Angel either.

“You love me sister?!” Angel exclaimed as his fist connected with his friend’s face.

This couldn’t be happening. They could be friends all they wanted. JUST friends. No kissing, touching, licking, no ANYTHING of the sort!

“Bloody hell!” Spike roared in pain and surprise, “What the fuck was that for?!”

“Ohmigod Angel!” Buffy cried out, grabbing his hand roughly.

Buffy couldn’t believe this was happening. All she’d wanted to do was come break up with Ryan, get through her classes and go wallow for a little while. It was clear that her plan was failing miserably. First Spike and Ryan and now her brother with the hitting. And let’s not forget the fact that Spike just declared he loved her. She didn’t even want to think about that one yet!

Angel yanked his hand away from his sister and asked, “Do you love him back?”

This question made Buffy freeze. To be honest, she just didn’t know. She should know! She should know the answer was no!

If so, then why did she feel so unsure? She’d learned to love him as friend and yes, her attraction to him lingered but come on, look at the boy. Oh this was so fucked up, “No!”

Hurt flicked in Spike’s eyes but he quickly covered it and stayed quiet. She didn’t love him back? Well that was just bloody dandy wasn’t it?

“Coming through! Let me through god damn it!” Lindy Morgan snapped as she pushed her way through the kids. This was just too good! She knew that things would eventually boil over but she’d never suspected that it’d be this major!

She pulled Buffy into a quick hug before asking in her best “I care” voice, “Want me to get you out of here?” This time, Lindy did care though. This was a first for sure.

Buffy nodded mutely. A thousand thoughts running through her head at once, “Please.”

With that, Lindy grabbed Buffy by the hand and pulled her along quickly. Angel, Ryan and Spike were to busy fighting among themselves to even notice. Stupid boys. Once they’d plowed their way through the crowd, they made a mad dash to the parking lot, not once stopping until they’d reached Lindy’s car.

Buffy leaned up against the white convertible to catch her breath. The second she did, she crashed, “Ohmigod! Did you see that? Pinch me cause stuff like this only happens to me in dreams! Dreams Lindy! Dreams!”

Lindy grabbed Buffy by the shoulders and gave her a little shake, “Snap out of it girl! You're awake and that really did just happen.”

Buffy stared at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, “Really?”

Lindy nodded slowly, “Really.”

This of course launched another panic attach, “But WHY does he love ME? He’s a Spike Giles Lindy! And I’m just a Buffy Summers! The Spike Giles’s of the world NEVER fall for the Buffy Summers! NEVER!”

“Sweetie,” Lindy sighed, “Please. The boy has been head over heels since the beginning of the year. I can't believe he had to tell you for you to figure it out.”

“Really?” Buffy asked in utter disbelief. Where was she for the past three months? Spike was in love with her? This made no sense whatsoever.

“Mmhm,” Lindy nodded, “Now, here comes to the biggie. How do you REALLY feel babe?”

Buffy honestly didn’t know.

**********************************************************

Snyder paced in front of his desk, smirk firmly in place. Oh he was just loving this.

Spike, Angel and Ryan sat and glared at the little bald Nazi, waiting to see what their punishment was. He’d been pacing and smirking evilly for the past minute and a half.

Snyder had been looking for a reason to go off of Spike and this was it. Bloody fucking hell this was not going to be good.

The pacing finally stopped but the smirking didn’t. Principle Snyder turned to the three boys and his smirk only grew, “Mr. Giles, Mr. Summers, and Mr. Cooper. My three favorite delinquents. Why am I not surprised that it was the three of you that started a bar room style brawl in my courtyard this morning?”

No one replied of course.

**********************************************************

“Come on Buff,” Lindy said as she slid into the driver’s seat of her car, “I’ve got just the cure for you.”

Buffy eyed Lindy suspiciously, not trusting the brunette’s tone of voice. This of course made Lindy laugh, “Sweetie, this is a once and a life time offer for a spa day and then clubbing with a Lindy Morgan of the world. Are you in, or are you out?”

Instead of replying, Buffy just got in on the passenger’s side and smile at Lindy. She was more definitely in.

**********************************************************
please note that this was just a little filler chapter in which nothing was really *meant* to happen, just to show you all Buffy’s reaction. In the next chapter Buffy gets really drunk which is always good for a laugh…

Every inch of Buffy had been scrubbed, polished, waxed and wrapped in red silk and black lace. She felt amazing and she looked like she felt. Lindy and her had driven all the way out to LA and hit up some spa that Lindy said her mother raved about when she was all hyped up on Prozac. They must have had such a wonderful mother/daughter relationship.

Now, after a complete afternoon of shopping and beauty they were at some club in the heart of the LA club scene. How Lindy planned on getting them in was beyond her.

Lindy grabbed her hand and pulled her along as she strutted up towards the door, past the crowds of people.

“Lindy,” Buffy sighed, “The line starts back there.”

Lindy turned back to smirk at the blonde, “Yes, yes it does, but I’m seeing your point here.”

“My point is that the line into the club we want to go in starts back there therefore we have to stand in the said line.”

This caused Lindy to laugh and shake her head, “Just follow me babe. Everything’s cool.”

With one final sigh, Buffy gave up and followed after Lindy.

“Well if it isn't lil’ Lindy Morgan,” the tough looking black bouncer automatically lit up at the sight of her.

Lindy smiled brightly, “Hey Gunn. You gonna let us in or are ya gonna keep your favorite girl waitin?”

He laughed, “Go in Lindy.” He gave a quick nod at Buffy before adding, “You're friend too.”

Buffy smiled nervously and hurried in with Lindy. Once they were inside Buffy asked, “So you come here a lot?”

Lindy smiled, “Yeah, my uncle Lorne actually owns this club so I kinda have free ins ya know?” She paused for a second before smiling wickedly and stating, “Which also means free drinks of ANY kind on the house.” As came a waitress came by carrying a trey full of bright pink shots.

Lindy took two and handed one to Buffy. She hesitated for a moment before smiling and gulping the sweet liquid down. Tonight was her night to let it all go.

**********************************************************

Three Hours Later…

Buffy quickly threw back a shot of tequila and licked a patch off salt off of the side of some hottie’s neck with a giggle before accepting a lime wedge in mouth.

She let her head fall back before laughed, “And can you believe it? He loves me!” Hiccup, “And ya know what? I think I might love him too!”

Lindy who was not nearly as wasted as Buffy sighed and touched her arm, “Sweetie, I think someone has had enough tonight.”

Buffy shook her head and smiled dazed, “Not me, no siree Bob. I’m just getting started!”

Lindy sighed heavily as she watched Buffy practically fall flat on her ass as she attempted to stand. She looked up at Lindy with wide eyes before asking, “When did the world start to spin? Can I get off now?”

“Nope, sorry sweetie but your stuck with the spinning,” Lindy said sympathetically, “And after it stops spinning, it’s gonna feel like there’s a death metal concert going on in your pretty little head.”

“Cool,” was the only reply she got from Buffy.

I’d like to here her say that tomorrow morning, Lindy though, shaking her head. She was about to help Buffy up and get her out of the club when Buffy’s eyes widened happily and a smile broke out on her face. Buffy broke free of Lindy’s grasp and started off. Lindy turned around to see where Buffy was headed and stopped. Oh great. The pole.

In her uncle Lorne’s club there were several stripper poles all around for anyone that wanted to use them. Lindy really didn’t get the purpose of them. She’d never lower herself to swing around on one of those things but from the look in Buffy’s eyes, she obviously had no problem. Lindy couldn’t help but smile as she pulled out her camera phone, ready to snap a picture. Black mail was a powerful thing you know.

Buffy smiled brightly as her fingers brushed over the cold metal pole. Her alcohol laden brain never once gave thought to the fact that strippers used poles like these. All she wanted to go was get down. With out further adue, she latched on and swung around, wrapped her legs around and throwing her head back with a laugh all while grinding herself up against the pole.

Oh if her brother could see her now.

**********************************************************

“Morning Buffy!” Lindy practically shouted as she entered her room.

Buffy grimaced and clutched her head before croaking out, “Do you have to talk so loud?” At the moment it felt like she had an army of clog dancers doing a wonderful little ditty in her head.

“Yup!” Lindy didn’t lower her voice even the slightest.

Buffy cracked open and eye and regretted it immediately. Lindy had thrown up the blinds to let in all the light she could. She groaned loudly and rolled over onto her stomach, burring her head under a pillow.

“You're lucky you know,” Lindy smiled brightly, “You did the puking you brains out thing last night so you won't have to put up with it this morning. Was that your first time drinking Summers?”

“Yes,” Buffy muttered into the bed, “And I’ll never EVER do it again. Though, I don’t remember most of it.”

Lindy smiled wickedly but Buffy couldn’t see that, “Oh, so you mean you don’t remember grinding on a stripper pole and then having a hot sweaty orgy?”

Buffy shot up with panic immediately, “I WHAT?”

Lindy smirked, “Okay, minus the hot sweaty orgy but you really did do the stripper pole thingy.”

Buffy’s head hurt to damn much to even care at the moment. Yeah, so what if she’d gotten completely plastered and acted like a slut. Okay so it was a big deal but still. If Angel had…OH MY GOD! Her brother! She was clearly in Lindy’s bed room which meant she didn’t go home at all last night. He was going to kill her and then after he was done, her mother was going to kill her! Today was going to be national kill Buffy day! Oooh, this was NOT good.

With a loud sigh, she fell back into Lindy’s bed and squeezed her eyes shut.

Her life so sucked.

**********************************************************

Spike pulled into Lindy’s drive way with a scowl. He was going to kill the bitch. This was all her fault! If she’d just bloody well left them around everything would have been fine but no! Spike chose to ignore the fact that he was the one that asked her for help in the first place. Thoughts like that had no place in an angry mental ramble.

He was just getting out of his car when the front door opened and Buffy stepped out looking like she’d died, home back to life and died again. To him, she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Buffy has insisted that she walked home, to let the fresh air clear her mind and hopefully her head ache much to Lindy’s dismay.

She looked up to see Spike getting out of his car and stopped. Oh great. This was the last thing she needed. For the guy that loved her and she possibly loved back to be there when all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and die.

“Hey,” she said softly, her eyes not daring to make contact with his.

“Hey luv,” he said, making her mentally cringe. Not only at the word but from the volume of his voice. Anything over barely as whisper was loud.

“Could you not talk so loud?” she groaned, making her way down Lindy’s front steps.

“You ran out yesterday,” Spike ignored her comment, “You could have at least let me explain pet.”

Buffy looked up at him and stopped. Why? Why should she have stuck around and let him explain? He had no right to do this to her! He’d ignored her and treated her life dirt for so long and now he LOVED her? How did that work out!? It didn’t was the answer!

“Explain?” Buffy bit out, her tone surprising Spike and herself for that matter, “Explain what? That you're a complete psycho that thinks he’s in love with me? You can't go from not knowing I exist to being in love with me in three months!”

Spike blinked a few times before he realized that she didn’t believe him. She didn’t believe that he was in love with her! Automatically, his defenses came on, “Well that’s bloody well how it worked for me!”

Buffy shook her head vehemently, the pounding in her head momentarily forgotten, “What the hell do you know about love anyways Spike? You only dated two girls in your life time and the rest where all one night stands. Not to mention that your two actual girlfriends were both psycho sluts!”

Spikes jaw clenched at the vague mention of Drusilla. He would always love her but the bloody point what that he wasn’t IN love with her. Because of this, he wasn’t going to take Buffy calling her a “psycho slut” sitting down. As far as Harmony went, well, he would actually have to agree, “Oh yeah and your track record is so much better! The only guy you’ve ever been with only keeps you around because you're there when he wants some! How does that feel luv? To know that you're nothing more to someone then a fuck?”

Buffy’s bottom lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears. As his last statement passed Spike’s lip, before she could stop herself, she raised her hand to slap him. Spike saw it coming and caught it before pulling her in roughly for a violent kiss. The kiss that changed everything.

**********************************************************
Tehe, I want to give a special thanks to Darla Winifred who gave me the idea to end the chapter like that. Worked out pretty good didn’t it? Oh and yeah, I forgot. *turns away and refusing to look at readers* you’ve all spoiled me with tons and tons of reviews each chapter and I got so used to therefore I almost cried to find that only got a measly 3 reviews. I know, I know, I should be thankful that anyone review at all but *sniffle* please, make me happy again and leave a review?

Buffy stiffened in shock the second their lips met. This wasn’t a gentle kiss. In fact, there was nothing gentle about it at all. Spike’s mouth devoured her mouth urgently, his tongue demanding entrance to her mouth.

He was kissing her. Spike was kissing her and hey, it was one amazing kiss! Wait, Spike was kissing her and she was standing her like a stiff board! No, that wouldn’t do. It seemed like all of her angry drained from her body all at once.

Buffy opened her mouth for him and let his tongue slip in as she wrapped her arms around his neck and got lost in the kiss.

When Spike felt her start to respond, he softened the kiss slightly and let go of her wrist, only to wrap his arms around her small waist and pulled her even closer to him.

Heaven.

Lindy exited her house, doughnut in mouth, keys and bag in hand, stopped and did a double take. Buffy and Spike where making out on her front porch. Well there was something that she wasn’t expecting. Once it was concluded that it really was indeed the two of them making out on her front porch, she rolled her eyes and muttered, “Took ya long enough.” around the krispy cream.

She then smiled wickedly (well the best she could anyway) and dropped her bag to pull out her cell from her back pocket. She snapped a picture quickly before tucking her phone away again, grabbing her bag and getting in her car. Neither noticed her presence once. Lindy took a big bite out of her doughnut as she started her car, giving the couple an “Ahh look they’re so cute” look and headed off to school.

Buffy was the first to pull away, gasping for air. A million thoughts rushed her at once. She’d just had the best kiss of her life with the guy that loved her and she was pretty sure she loved back but at the same time, this was the same guy that had hurt her so badly in the past. Could she ever completely forgive and forget?

She looked into Spike’s eyes and saw nothing more then love and devotion. She had her answer. Yeah, she could.

**********************************************************

“Lindy, let me use your phone,” Harmony Kendal whined, following Lindy down the hall.

Lindy suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and turned to the air headed blonde, “Why? What’s wrong with yours?”

Harmony put her hands on her hips, “Because my battery is dead and I have to reschedule my manicure. Now gimme!”

Lindy sighed before handing over her phone. She caught a quick glace of Harmony’s
watch and almost pissed her pants, “Oh shit! I gotta get my column into Duncan or the little rat bastard’s gonna kill me. Give me it back at lunch!” With that, she raced down the hall.

Harmony didn’t hear Lindy. She was to busy fuming over a picture of her beloved Blondie Bear sucking face with Angel’s little sister. How dare that little slut! Spikey was her’s!

An evil smirk crossed her face before she quickly dialed a number and waited.

“Hello?” Angel grumbled into his phone. He’d been sleeping do to the fact that he was suspended from school for the week. He was in no mood to talk to anyone. After yesterday’s events and the fact that Buffy didn’t come home last night because she supposedly spent the night at of all people’s houses, Lindy he was not a happy camper.

“Hey Angel,” Harmony said casually, “I think you should get a good look at these.”

Angel held his cell in front of his face to reveal a picture of his sister and his best friend kissing. Not just like a light peck on the cheek, or even a small kiss on the lips but engaged in a full blown make out session.

The need to rip Spike’s head off became overwhelming as he gripped the phone tightly and brought in back up to his ear. He uttered a tight, “Thanks Harmony.”

“And these,” Harmony went on quickly before he got a chance to hang up.

Angel was soon looking at pictures of Buffy doing body shots, dancing like a whore and grinding on a pole.

Talk about a brother’s breaking point.

**********************************************************

“Wow,” Buffy breathed, touching her well-kissed lips.

Spike nodded before stating in an uncharacteristically quiet voice, “I really do love you.”

Buffy smiled weakly, not really knowing how to reply. Everything was just so hard. “I know.”

Brief disappointment flooded Spike but quickly shook it off. He’d give her time to say it but deep down he knew she felt it. It was only a matter of time, “You know this changes everything luv. I’m not letting you go.”

“Yeah but what about Angel? You know he’s not going to take this lying down. Actually, he’ll probably lock me in my room until I’m thirty and then smash your face in. Neither sound very appealing,” Buffy pointed out with a loud sigh.

Bloody hell, she had a point. Angel had already made it clear by the shiner he had on his left eye that he was not happy about it. Not wanting to go into it, Spike offered, “Come on luv. I’ll take you home.”

Buffy sighed heavily once more and nodded, “Okay.”

With that, they got into Spike’s car and headed in the direction of the Summer’s home.

**********************************************************

Buffy stared at the doorknob like if she touched it, it would burn. As her hand slowly made it’s way to the knob, the door was violently flung open to reveal her brother. He didn’t look happy to say the least.

“Ohmigod Angel!” Buffy exclaimed in shock as the door had swung open, “What the hell is your problem?”

In response, a cell phone was shoved into her face. Her eyes widened when she saw what was on the screen. So Lindy HADN’T been kidding at all about her doing the pole. Wait a second! Lindy ratted her out! And so what if she’d went out and had a good time? It wasn’t any of Angel’s business!”

“So what?” Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. The nonchalance that she wasn’t feeling by any means at all.

“So what!? So what!?” Angel raved, “You were acting like a little fucking whore! And then you went a proved practically fucking Spike!”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “What are you talking about you jackass!? We kissed! That’s all! A kiss! And you know what? It was a breath taking, knee buckling, world spinning kinda kiss too!”

Angel shook his head heatedly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing! Taking a deep calming breath, he turned to his sister and stated, “What happened Buff? You used to be the nice girl and then Ryan came along and…”

Buffy cut him off immediately, “Don’t you fucking dare. If anything Ryan changed me for the better! At least now I know that it’s okay to be myself and not hide in your perfect Mr. Popular shadow. So what if he hurt me? At least he opened up my eyes that you seem so content keeping shut.” She paused to take a calming breath, “Well guess what Liam? I can see now and I’m lookin at you and truthfully I don’t like what I see.”

Not sparing him a second glance, Buffy walked out of the house.

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Oh...I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!

**********************************************************
nothing can ever go right for poor Buffy can they? Sigh. Okay well sorry I took so long to update (and yes for me, when I’m really into a story a few days is a long time apart for updates) but that little thing called reality decided to come bite me in the ass. Okay well review pretty please and I’ll give you cookies. Song: “Just A Girl” by No Doubt which is my life theme song

Buffy rang the Cooper’s doorbell three times in a row, a look of dead set determination on her face. She was her own person now. To hell with the rest of um. Buffy Summers had gone from uncertain little girl to confident woman in one five minute blow out. She was done living for other people. From now on, it was all about her.

A few seconds pasted before the door swung open. Ryan, who had clearly been asleep squinted at her, “Yeah babe?”

Buffy shook her head, coldness filing her eyes and dripping from her words, “Don’t call me babe. I’m not your anything anymore Ryan.”

Snapping fully awake at this, Ryan shook his head and laughed almost angrily, “So what’s this Buff? Spike tells you that he loves you, more than likely just to get into your pants and now it’s just over between us?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, “You really don’t get it do you? Our relationship has been over for at least a month. It was confirmed not two Saturdays ago when I’d finally had enough. I’m over it all now Ryan.” She paused before smiling, “I think I’m free ya know?”

Ryan ran his fingers through his long blonde hair and nodded, “I’m sorry you know. If it means anything, I had loved you in the beginning.”

Buffy nodded back, “Yeah well I kinda loved you too. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Ryan looked up at her before asking in a sharper tone, “Are you going to go running from my arms into his?” He really didn’t know if he could take that.

“I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m gonna do Ryan,” Buffy shook her head, sighing heavily, “I almost wish that my life would go back to the way it was before you but then again, I don’t think I’d be the same if you’d never happened to me. I hate you so much right now but I’ll always know you as the guy that changed me for the better.” She laughed at the cheesiness of it all and added, “My first love,”

Ryan laughed and nodded, “Friends?”

Buffy shook her head with a heavy heart, “No.”

With a final sigh, Ryan asked, “Ex’s that can be civil towards each other?”

Buffy smiled, “Always.”

Buffy and Ryan hugged quickly before she started on down the driveway.

Two down, one to go, Buffy thought

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

You say you're gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why'd you have to go and pick me?
When you knew that we were different, completely

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can't stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to

And I feel so mean, I feel in between
'Cause I'm about to give you away

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we wasted)

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die
I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl
'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl

But I should have thought of that before we kissed...
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

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Sorry it was so short but this was kinda just a mini-chapter. Song: “Ex-girlfriend” by No Doubt because I thought it fit and I’ve been in a No Doubt mood of late. The next and probably final chapter will be up by the end of the night or tomorrow at the latest. Though, there is a twist I could throw in to prolong it and here to think all you would have to do is tell me you want the twist and I’d automatically continue… *hint hint people*

omigod, so sorry I haven’t updated lately but I got a new hottie in my life and I’ve been distracted with helped Darla Winifred with her story Crimson Night Dark Light which you should really read cuz I say so, not to mention the mountain of homework I’ve had lately but hey, guess what? Buffy and Spike finally do it!
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Pick up, pick up, pick up! Buffy tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Lindy to pick up her cell. The brunette had a lot of explaining to do! Why would Lindy show Angel those pictures? And here she thought at she was her friend, guess not. The phone rang once more before the last person in the world she thought would ever pick up Lindy’s phone did.

“Hello?” Harmony Kendal’s shrill voice asked. She sounded happy, like she was pleased with herself…oh my god!

“You bitch!” Buffy snapped, “It wasn’t Lindy who stabbed me in the back! You sent those pictures to my brother!”

There was a long pause on the other end, as though she was debating whether to just hang up or verbally battle it out with Buffy.

“You touched my blondie bear you little whore!” Harmony half snapped, half whined, “You knew he was mine but you went after him? How did you even talk him into touching you? That’s just ewww! Besides, you're a slut for cheating on your little boyfriend!”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “Get real Harmony! He’s been trying to get rid of you since the tenth grade! And oh yeah, girl’s who live in glass whore houses should throw stones.”

“What the hell is that supposed to…” Harmony started, outraged but she didn’t get a chance to finish, Buffy hung up. She was even more determined to find Spike now then ever.

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“Okay I want you to sit down and shut the hell up you got it?” Buffy said sternly as she paced in front of Spike, “Because I have something very important to say to you and your blabbering on and on will not help me.” She stopped to glare at him before resuming her pacing.

“Okay luv. Say what…” Spike started with a smirk but was quickly cut off. He’d just been pulling up into his driveway from getting his smokes when the petite blonde had ambushed him.

“Shut up!” Buffy snapped, “Now what I want to say is that you are an asshole. A really, really big asshole.”

A scared eyebrow rose in response.

“But you’re my really, really big asshole,” she went on, stopping for a second before stating, “Okay that came out wrong. What I’m trying to say is that no matter how badly you treated me before all of this, you’ve been there for me somehow making me forget the fact that you're a really, really big asshole and what I’m really trying to say is that inevitably, you're my guy okay?”

Spike was about to open his mouth to let her know exactly how he felt about when Buffy’s lips came crashing down on his own, letting him know exactly how she felt about him.

Spike wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground slightly, kissing her back feverishly.

Together they fell back onto the couch, still making out vigorously. Soon enough their shirts were gone, only stopping to breath occasionally. Buffy’s hands slid down to Spike’s fly, starting to undo it when he grabbed her hand, pulling away panting, “Are you sure luv? I don’t want to rush you and we just…”

“Shhh,” Buffy murmured, kissing him lightly on the lips, the upper haft of her body hovered over him, “I want to, believe me, I really do.”

Not needing anymore then that, Spike kissed her hard, flipping them over so he was on top and miraculously not landing them on the floor.

Soon enough all of their clothing was shed, strewn across the room carelessly.

I could get lost in him, Buffy decided as he positioned himself at her wet entrance. Okay so it was cheesy but so entirely true. Maybe she already was.

Spike looked down at Buffy, love shiny bright in his eyes. She was so beautiful and all his. At the moment nothing else mattered at all.

With out further adue, he thrust himself inside of her. A thousand thoughts swam through his head at once. Bloody hell she was so tight. How could he have never noticed her before those few faithful months ago? She was perfect. She was everything, his everything. Any lingering doubts that he was truly, truly in love with her dissolved into thin air right then and there. Letting all thoughts leave his mind, he started to thrust into Buffy’s warmth.

Buffy’s eyes widened at the welcome invasion. He was definitely bigger than Ryan. The thought of her ex made her realize something. She really wished she had waited, waited for this. She wished that Spike could have been her first. With Ryan it had been puppy love almost but this, with him it was going to be different.

Spike was holding on by a thread. Every little breathy moan of kittenish mewl Buffy gave pushed him closer and closer to the edge. Each thrust was harder and deeper, pouring out three months of pent up emotion he had for her.

Buffy let out a cry of his name as she came hard. Spike thrust into her a few more times before he followed loudly.

They both lied, limbs entwined, still intimately joined on the Giles’s living room couch basking in the moment.

Buffy let out a giggle and Spike asked with a smirk, “What’s so funny kitten?”

Buffy, still laughing explained, “I just pictured what Giles’s face would look like if he knew what we just did on his sofa.”

Spike buried his head in her neck, inhaling her scent and laughed. A few beats passed before he looked up at her with all seriousness, “Do you regret this?”

Buffy paused for a split second before replying, “Not at all.”

A look of pure relief crossed his face, “Oh thank bloody god because I don’t think I could have been able to let you go pet.”

Buffy smiled warmly and touched his slightly bruised cheek, “Good thing you won't have to huh?”

He pulled her to him tightly and nodded against her soft chest, “Yeah.” He looked up at her once more, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “Care to continue this in my room luv?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Buffy laughed, a little surprised when Spike swept her up in his arms and carried her up to his room.

Yeah, everything would be okay.

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more to come soon, all you gotta do is review…

well I could have ended the story soon by clearing things up between Angel and Buffy and let Spike and her live happily ever after but what fun would that have been? So ladies and gentlemen, I present to u the twist…
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“That is by far the most disgusting thing I have ever seen,” Lindy swore as she and Willow watched Buffy eat a bologna sandwich with mustard, ketchup and of all things, peanut butter.

Willow nodded in agreement, “And I’m even including dissecting the pig fetus.”

Buffy scowled at her to friends and took another bite, “Shut up. It was a craving.”

Ever since the picture ordeal that been cleared up, Lindy had started to hang out with Buffy, Willow and Xander, vowing that camera phones and Harmony Kendal’s were evil. Who where they to disagree?

One of Lindy’s perfectly plucked eyebrows rose in response, “A craving? No one should crave peanut butter on the same piece of bread as ketchup and mustard. It’s just wrong.”

Buffy’s face paled slightly before she nodded, covered her mouth with her hand and ran to the bathroom.

Lindy and Willow both looked at each other before heading to the bathroom.

Buffy was on her knees in front of the toilet throwing up like no tomorrow. Okay, something was wrong with this picture.

“Buff?” Willow asked softly, “You okay?”

Buffy looked up at the two girls with wide eyes and wiped her mouth, “No. God I’ve been throwing up a lot lately.” She looked scared.

Spike and she hadn't used an protection the first time that day. It wasn’t the right time of the month for that and she hadn't thought anything of her skipped period because well, why hadn't she been worried about her skipper period!? Oh god, oh god, oh god.

Realization hit all three girls at once. Tears shone in Buffy’s eyes, Willow’s widened to the point where one would think they were going to pop and Lindy’s hand rose up to her mouth in shock.

“Oh my god,” Buffy whispered, struggling to get up.

Willow and Lindy were at her side in an instant, helping the Buffy to her feet.

“I’m pregnant aren't I?” Buffy asked quietly.

“We don’t know that for sure,” Willow tired to comfort her best friend, “I mean you could just have a stomach bug right?” She turned to Lindy who still hadn't said anything with pleading eyes, “Right?!”

“Right,” Lindy finally nodded.

Buffy wasn’t very comforted.

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Buffy hadn't said a word to him since they had had the fight. Angel sighed heavily before he threw back the last of the alcohol in his glass and hung his head. He didn’t mean to be the way he was when it came to his sister but the thought of her getting hurt, hurt him. It had been so much easier when Buffy just sat back and did what she was told. When it was like that, he never had to worry about some guy hurting, worry about her having sex, worry about her getting into any trouble but now everything was different. She had declared her independence and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Willy,” Angel sighed, “Another.”

Willy sighed heavily back, “You know, I could get in some serious trouble for letting you drink in here kid.”

Angel looked up and glared at the small man who instantly backed away, “But hey, who’s gonna find out right?”

“Just leave the bottle this time,” Angel muttered as Willy filled the glass to the top with Jack Daniels.

“Isn't it a little early to be drinking mate?” Spike asked with a scarred eyebrow raised.

Angel didn’t even bother to turn and look at his once best friend, “Go away.”

“No,” Spike said as he sat down next to Angel.

“Then I will,” Angel muttered, starting to stand.

Spike sighed and grabbed his best friend by the arm, “Bloody hell, don’t be like this. Is it really that bad that I’m in love with your sister?”

Angel looked at him for the first time before nodding, “Yes.”

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Buffy stared at the clock on the bathroom wall. It was an unforgiving clock. Every little second could be easily seen go by before her eyes. Nine minutes and thirteen seconds. Nine minutes and fourteen seconds. Nine minutes and fifteen…

“Buffy,” Lindy sighed, “Staring at the clock like that only makes it seem longer sweetie.”

She sighed in defeat and looked away, “You're right but my god, this is torture.” She stopped, tears forming, “What am I gonna do if I am pregnant? I’m only sixteen, almost seventeen. I can't handle a baby!”

Willow and Lindy both hugged her tightly before Willow vowed, “We’ll get you through this Buffy and hey, there’s a chance that you're not ever pregnant remember. And if you are, well then we’ll get you through this. Together.”

Buffy nodded and sighed, “Together.”

Lindy spared a glance at the clock and announced, “Times up. You ready?”

With a shaky nod, Buffy drew in a deep breath and took the test from the cup and…

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Spike sighed in defeat, “Fine then but I’ll let you know; I’m not going to let her go because you don’t like it. I love her with all of my heart and no matter how hard you brood, that’s not going to change.”

Angel shook his head and laughed bitterly at the situation they were in, “Why her Spike? You could have any fucking girl you want and it has to be my sister of all people? Why?! I mean the only time you used to acknowledge her was to verbally torture her and now you're in love with her! It makes no sense!”

People were starting to stare but neither cared.

“I know it doesn’t make any fucking sense!” Spike bit out, “One minute she was just something that was there. I don’t know what happen. She was just a thing I could take out my frustrations out on when I had a bad day and then the next she’s the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I turn around for just a second and when I look back all I want to do is hold her, love her, protect her. It’s bloody well the most confusing thing I’d ever gone through!” He paused for a second before stating firmly, “But I know I love her. Probably always have.”

“Fine,” Angel finally sighed after a few seconds of silence, “But I swear to god, if you hurt her, they’ll be finding your body for weeks.”

Spike smirked, “Yeah like you could take me.”

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She was pregnant, Buffy Anne Summers, formally known as “that mousy girl” or “Angel’s little sister” was pregnant with the son or daughter of Spike Giles. It had to be a sign of total apocalypse.

“We’ll get through this,” Willow said as confidently as she could. It wasn’t very convincing.

Tears flooded Buffy’s eyes, “What am I going to do? How am I going to tell my mother? Angel? How am I going to tell Spike? I can't just go up to him and say “oh hi baby, hey speaking of babies, I’m having one!” now can I?”

“You could always get rid of it,” Lindy offered quietly.

Buffy’s eyes widened, “Oh hell no! I will not cold bloodedly murder my unborn baby!”

Lindy looked up, tears bright in her eyes, “That’s what abortion is, isn't it? The cold blooded murder of your baby.” Her hands gingerly drifted to her stomach as she looked down and whispered, “I’m a murder.”

“Lindy?” Buffy asked carefully.

Lindy looked up again with pain filled eyes, “I’m sorry. I gotta go.” With that, she practically ran out of the house.

“Oh goddess,” Willow was now on the verge of hyperventilating, “Oh goddess.”

“Willow calm down,” Buffy ordered quietly.

Willow of course didn’t.

Buffy hung her head. God, had sleeping with Ryan taught her nothing? Then for the second time that day, Buffy’s world froze. Ryan. The last time she’d had sex with Ryan had also been with out anything…

“Buffy?” Willow asked, noticing the distant look in her blonde friend’s eyes, “Buffy what’s wrong?”

Oh only the fact that I’m pregnant and now I’m not sure who the father is, Buffy thought bitterly. She looked up at Willow before shaking her head and saying, “Nothing, nothing at all.”

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I hope you didn’t expect that and if ya did well, hey what can a girl do? Mkay people here’s the deal though. I need help after this. To be honest I have no clue where I’m going with this so that’s where you come in. If you have any ideas of something that you want to happen by all means e-mail me, IM me, say it through a review, I don’t care. There will be cupcakes involved and oh yeah, If I offended anyone with the abortion thing, I’m sorry and were all entitled to our own personal opinion so I hope mine didn’t upset u in anyway.

Cupcakes for all! Thank u all so much for the great reviews; I haven’t said it in a while so I will now. And great suggestions, they helped me a lot! This is a sorta short but extremely important chapter. Be patient with me and hey, maybe you all can push me past 200 reviews while you wait…
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“I can't do this,” Buffy thought aloud to herself. Her voice held no emotion whatsoever. On the inside she was completely numb. If she allowed herself to feel the pain, the confusion, the sadness she’d break down, “I just can't.”

She’d tried, she really, really had but she couldn’t do it. She and Spike had been sitting in her living room watching TV, his arm wrapped securely around her waist earlier and she’d tried to tell him. That was until she’d looked into his beautiful blue eyes and she just couldn’t do it. She knew she was being selfish not telling him but the way he had looked at her with so much love she didn’t have it in her to tell him that she was pregnant and there was a fifty-fifty chance that it wasn’t even his.

Buffy fell back onto her bed with a deep sigh and screwed her eyes shut. Why? Why was this happening to her? And now of all times! Her life was just coming together and this was going to tear it apart once more. A bitter laugh escaped her. Guess the “you can't have your cake and eat it too” thing was true. Well this sucked.

She rolled over onto her stomach, bringing Mr. Gordo, letting out a heavy sigh. Then she remembered the conversation she’d had with Willow and Lindy the day they’d found out that she was indeed with child. Maybe Lindy HAD gave a good suggestion. Maybe it would be for the better that way. Maybe she could just go in, get an abortion and go on with her life with no one but Willow, Lindy and her knowing that at a point and time in her life she had a baby growing inside of her. Maybe, just maybe…

Her eyes landed on her phone and she made up her mind.

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They sat in complete silence on the swing set in the small park about a block from Buffy’s house. Neither girl had said a word since Lindy had sat down next to her, giving her a confused yet somehow meaningful look. The air was thick with tension that had been building up since that faithful day. The brunette finally turned to Buffy and asked, “What’s the matter babe? You called me telling me that it was urgent and yet here we basking in this wonderful awkward silence. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

Buffy started to gently swing back and forth, her feet bare feet digging into the sand with the same indifferent look that had marred her usually happy, laughing face for a week straight, “Why did you get an abortion Lind?” Buffy didn’t have to turn and look at her friend to see the tortured look settle over her face.

There was another moment of silence before she replied, “I was only fifteen years old Buffy. Fifteen fucking years old.”

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed sadly as Lindy went on, “I was a baby having baby.” She paused once more, tears making her voice crack slightly, “There was no way I could do it. I mean what would people say right? “Oh yeah, there’s that little whore that got knocked up on a one night stand at fifteen.” I couldn’t do that to my baby. I couldn’t give it a life worth living. I know damn well that my parents weren’t going to support me through it so people can go and think that I did it for selfish reasons and maybe they’re right but I don’t think I did. Then again who says I couldn’t have tried right?” Tears were now pouring down her face, “I did the right thing Buffy. I know I did.”

Buffy finally got up the nerve to look at Lindy and said softly, “Will you help me be selfish?”

They locked eyes before she nodded, “You know I will but Buffy you gotta understand that this isn't something that you're going to get over in a week or two.” She took a deep breath and went on, “It’s been almost three years and I still cry at night sometimes. I’m going to have to go through life knowing that I killed my child no matter how good my reasons where. I don’t know how long it’s going to take before I can even think about it without being sucked into a downward spiral of depression. Can you take it?”

Buffy looked away and began to swing back and forth again before she nodded, completely and utterly numb.
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Buffy had done everything in her power to act as though everything was perfectly fine until her appointment later that day and she was pretty sure everyone was buying it. Wrong.

Spike saw right through the fake smiles and laughs but bit his tongue. When she wanted to tell him she would. He could only hope that she would. He wasn’t worried about losing her though. She didn’t avoid him or his touch, in fact if anything she was clinging to him. He’d just wait until his girl needed him and he’d be there for her.

The forth hour dismissal bell rang. The thing Buffy had been waiting for, dreading yet anticipating all day. She slowly gathered her books and headed to her locker. She shoved all of her junk into it, grabbed her bag and waited for Lindy’s arrival which didn’t take long at all.

They drove in silence to the clinic with Buffy’s shiny new birth certificate. Today her name was Anne Brookes, she was nineteen years old and she was about to go through with something completely life changing.

They checked in and sat down to wait. Taking seats in the waiting room, Lindy grabbed Buffy’s shaking hand and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze, “Everything’ll be okay.”

Buffy nodded solemnly and squeezed back. A few long minutes that seemed to be more like hours to Buffy passed before they called her name. She looked at Lindy with sad eyes before she stood and started to follow the doctor waiting for her. She was really going to do this. Right…?

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ooh, I bring you yet another cliffhanger! Review if you want to see what happens next...

Buffy nodded solemnly and squeezed back. A few long minutes that seemed to be more like hours to Buffy passed before they called her name. She looked at Lindy with sad eyes before she stood and started to follow the doctor waiting for her. She was really going to do this. Right…?

No. No, no, no, no! Not right.

Buffy whipped back around, her eyes searching for Lindy. All of the emotions that she had refused to let herself feel overcame her all at once. She couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. It was wrong. She was going to be a mother and she had to face it. She had somebody where Lindy hadn't. Hell she had several people who would do anything for her and still here she was about to commit murder. Tears were now streaming down her face. She turned to the doctor before whispering, “No. I can't kill my baby!”

Doctor Strauss’s all business face softened, “That’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything dear.”

Buffy nodded through her tears, “I can't. I won't.”

“Are you here with someone?” she asked.

Before Buffy could answer Lindy was at her side, “Yeah, me. Come on Buff, it’s okay sweets, let’s just get you home okay?”

Buffy clung to Lindy’s arm for dear life as she slowly let her out of the clinic, both ignoring the stares of other patients. All Buffy wanted to do was go home, take a hot bath and crawl in bed forever.

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Spike headed out of the small gas station, cigarette in mouth. He’d run out of fags and used his lunch period to make a cigarette and gas run. Bloody nicotine addiction. He opened his car door and was about to get in when his eyes rested on a sobbing Buffy coming out of the doctor’s office with Lindy. His eyes narrowed slightly before he threw the pack of cigarettes into his front seat and jogged across the street.

“Buffy,” Lindy said quietly as they reached her car. Her eyes zeroed in on the black leather clad platinum blonde now crossing the street, “Sweetie, we have a problem.”

“W-what?” Buffy sobbed out, her tears still coming strong.

“Buffy?!”

Buffy froze as a familiar British male voice entered her ears. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Her day was getting worse and worse. She needed time to explain it to him. She was on the very verge of a mental break down at the moment and she knew that this was going to push her over the edge.

“Spike…” she whispered in a tearful voice.

“Buffy, baby what are you doing here? What’s the matter? Are you sick? Are you hurt? Tell me.”

“I’m gonna go…elsewhere,” Lindy mumbled, edging away, “You two need to talk.” With that she fled. It didn’t take a genius to know that this was something that was not going to end well.

“I’m so sorry,” Buffy sniffled, “I’m a selfish bitch and I should have told you the second I found out but I couldn’t. I thought that this was the way to go. I thought it wouldn’t hurt this way. Why does it hurt so much?”

“Luv, please tell me what’s the matter. You're scaring me,” a tight coil of fear started to form in the pit of Spike’s stomach.

“I was gonna kill it,” Buffy rambled, new tears starting, “But it’s not an it at all. It’s a little he or a little she and I was going to take its life because I was scared. I’m still scared.” She looked up at him with wide eyes, “Oh god I think I’m going to be sick.”

Realization hit Spike hard. He was barely able to decipher her tearful ramble but he understood enough. She was pregnant but not only that, she was going to have an abortion without ever telling him.

Anger like no other coursed through him. She had no right! He was the father and he sure as hell should have had a say in this!

“Bloody hell,” he muttered as he watched Buffy bend and threw up. His anger not forgotten, he non to gently pulled her hair back.

“Are you finished?” he asked coldly as she stood up right and looked at him sadly.

Buffy couldn’t help but flinch at his tone. She nodded yes to his question before saying softly, “I’m so sorry.”

“Do you think that that matters!? Do you think that “sorry” is going to make up for you not telling me that I’m going to be a father!? Bloody hell Buffy if you’d told me before all of this I would have gotten down on one fucking knee and proposed to you on the spot! I love you don’t you get that!? I would do anything for me but now after this…fuck how could you? Don’t you love me back?” Spike’s anger roughened voice trailed off softly with his last question.

She’d never said it before. She felt it but she’d never said and now it was too late. She loved him with all of her heart and now she had a strong feeling that it didn’t matter, “Oh course I do! I love you Spike! I love you so much…”

Spike shook his head and laughed bitterly, “And now she says it. Is it guilt? I don’t want your fucking pity! If you loved me you would have told me from the start and we would have figured something out!”

Buffy was sobbing earnest now, “Please, it’s not that simple! I love you Spike! You have to believe me!”

“Why isn't it that simple!?” he demanded, “It is that simple! What, am I not the father?!”

Silence. Buffy looked at Spike with pleading eyes, begging him to understand. Spike had been waiting for her to deny it. He wanted her to tell him no and that she loved him and she wanted him to give her a second chance but she didn’t. That’s why it wasn’t that simple. The baby wasn’t his.

Spike couldn’t look at her anymore. He loved her so bloody much and she was pregnant with another man’s child. That meant that in the short time they’d been together the bitch had already cheated on him.

He turned to walk away, not being able to stand it anymore when Buffy grabbed his arm, “I don’t know. I didn’t cheat on you Spike if that’s what you're thinking.” She paused to sniffle, “The baby could be yours and god you don’t know how much I want it to be yours or it could be…it could be…Ryan’s.”

Buffy could only watch as Spike wrenched his arm out of her grip and walked away. She could have even sworn there were tears in his eyes.

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“Are you going to be okay?” Lindy asked as they pulled in the Summer’s driveway.

Buffy who had ceased crying on the way home nodded, “Yeah. Um, I don’t think I’m be going to school tomorrow. Tell Wills for me okay?”

Lindy nodded back, her eyes warm and sympathetic, “Of course I will. Call me when you feel better?”

“Yeah,” Buffy sighed, starting out of the car, “Might be a while. I’m gonna tell my mom tonight.”

“Good luck,” Lindy smiled sadly, “Your mom’s a wonderful woman, I think she’ll understand Buff.”

Buffy matched Lindy’s smile, “Can only hope so. I’m sorry for all of this Lind. God knows how many things you’d tried to keep buried this dug up.”

Lindy shook her head, “Don’t worry about it sweets. I’ll be fine, what I’m worried about is you here.”

With that Lindy started out of the driveway and Buffy made her way into the house. She dropped her purse at the bottom of the stairs and trudged upstairs and into her room. She lied down on her bed and let her hands settle on her stomach in an almost protective manner. The tears she willed herself to stop a short while ago came flooding back and she rubbed circles on her clothed belly, “I’m so sorry baby. I swear I will never ever even attempt to do something so stupid and selfish again. I love you with all my heart just like I love your daddy.” She paused and sighed wistfully, “I know Spike’s your daddy baby. I just know it and I love him as much as I’m gonna love you but mommy screwed up so if it’s just me and you in the end, I’m so sorry.”

She hadn't noticed her mother standing in her doorway, “Oh Buffy…”

Buffy sat up, startled and stopped her movements on her stomach, “Mommy.”

Her mother was on her bed, her arms wrapped around her baby girl in a moment, “My baby’s going to have a baby.”

Buffy nodded, crying, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m so scared mommy.”

Joyce nodded against her daughter, “I know baby, I know.”

“Aren't you going to yell at me?” Buffy asked quietly, “Tell me how stupid and irresponsible I am?”

“Tomorrow for sure,” her mother whispered back, hugging her tighter, “But now we cry.”

And they did.

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hey people, hope I didn’t ruffle to many feathers with the last chapter but like I said before we are all entitled to our own personal opinion about subjects like abortion and I feel that a woman as a right to choose when it comes to it and not to mention that this is my story and you all don’t know what I’m gonna do with. I like to unpredictable and also your reviews (which I am thankful for even though some where not so positive) did not sway the story in this direction but it was my idea beforehand. I was never actually going to let Buffy go through with it but this story is meant to be angsty and there are so many happy teen baby stories so I had to put my own twist on this so basically I took all of your suggestions (which most where for the happy-happyness) and the one angsty one and combined them together. Don’t hate me!

just before hand, this’ll probably gonna be my last update until after X-mas cuz I’m gonna finish up “A Christmas Present to Remember” for Darla Winifred which I say is a great story and if you haven’t already, u should really read it. Thanks for the reviews and enjoy! Oh yeah, btw THANK U SO MUCH whoever nominated me for best high school fic for The Blood Awards (www.geocities.com/bloodawards) in which I’m also judging for so u should all and check that out because I said so and now you're all probably thinking okay we get it, shut up and get to the story so I will : )
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“Do we really have to tell him?” Buffy asked, biting her bottom lip between her teeth, a nervous expression covering her face, “I mean he’s a guy. He might buy that I’m just getting fat right?”

Joyce sighed and shook her head, “Buffy, we have to tell your brother. He loves you as much as I do so I’m sure that he’ll be understanding.”

Buffy blinked at her mother a few times before asking, “Where have you been for the last few years mother? He is not going to be all understanding! I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t kill me and then go kill Spike and Ryan! This is Liam mother.”

The elder Summers sighed again, “Everything is going to be okay sweetie. I know that Liam has quite a…temper but you're his sister and no matter what he’s going to support you just like I am.”

Buffy nodded solemnly before sinking back into the comfy living room chair. All she could do was wait for Angel to come home and make things even worse.

About forty five minutes later he stepped through the front door. He took one look at his sister and mother and suddenly had a strong urge to turn around and walk right back out of the door he’d just entered from.

“Angel, son,” his mother started, patting the spot next to her on the couch and smiled up at him, “Why don’t you sit down?”

His eyes brows shot up in question before he took a seat next to her, “So what’s going on?

Buffy shot her mother a pleading look before Joyce sighed once more and said, “Buffy has something to tell you but you need to promise me that you’ll try to be understanding.”

Angel nodded slowly; the bad feeling that had hit him when he’d came in growing considerably, “Okay.”

“I’m pregnant,” Buffy blurted out before she could stop herself.

Hearing those words, Angel bolted out of his seat and whipped around to face his sister, “You're what?!”

Buffy looked down at her hands. All of a sudden her sky blue nails had become the most interesting things ever, “You heard me.”

That’s when the pacing and the incoherent rants started, “Oh could you Buffy! What were you thinking?! How could you be so stupid?! Have you ever heard of protection?! Abstinence! Abstinence is a wonderful thing for you Buffy!”

Buffy and Joyce just stared at the dark haired teen, waiting patiently for him to finish.

“And I’m guessing Spike is the father?” he finally asked.

Buffy froze. The one question she’d hoped he would have just assumed about. She looked away and said quietly, “I don’t know.”

“What?” he snapped, “You don’t even know who the father is?! I didn’t know you were that big of a whore th…”

“You finish that sentence Liam and you will regret it,” Joyce bit out

he turned to his mother and shook his head, “How can you be so cool with this?! You're sixteen year old daughter his pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is!”

“It’s either Spike or Ryan,” Buffy explained quietly before she looked up at him, her eyes blazing, “I’ve never slept with anyone other than them so you can shove me being a whore up your ass!”

Angel shook his head and laughed bitterly before he stalked right out the house, leaving an angry Joyce and a nearly in tears Buffy.

**********************************************************

Spike had come home, grabbed a bottle of scotch out of his father’s liquor cabinet and locked himself in his room. The old man had come home demanding to know why he hadn't came back to school in which he’d only gotten a, ‘Sod off’ in response. After about fifteen minutes of yelling through the door, he’d given up and gone downstairs.

He took a long swig and shook his head. Stupid bitch. Who the hell did she think she was to do something so bloody selfish and idiotic? And then there was the skater boy. He took another swig. Fuck, he’d rather have had her cheated on him then it being skater boy. She’d loved Ryan before him.

There was a loud knock on his door. He almost wished it was an pissed off Angel to beat the shit out of him. At least he could get a spot of violence to make him feel better.

“Blondie bear?”

He mentally cringed at his ex’s high pitched voice before asking, slightly slurred, “What do you want Harm?”

“I missed you,” she practically purred, “Didn’t you miss me?”

Spike’s alcohol laden mind didn’t once contemplate the consequences of what he did next. He got up, opened the door, grabbed Harmony and kissed her hard.

If he couldn’t have Buffy or even violence, he sure as hell could have meaningless sex.

**********************************************************

Buffy sat on her bed flipping through a copy of Elle, not really paying attention. It was something mindless to do and that’s all she needed. She’d already re-pained her nails and rearranged her desk three times. Now she’d moved on to magazines.

She jumped slightly when there was a knock on her door before it opened to reveal Angel. His face held no emotion whatsoever. Sighing, she went back to an extremely interesting article on Milan in the fall.

“I’m sorry,” he finally stated, his voice cracking slightly.

Buffy looked up surprised at his apology, “I know.” She laughed slightly before adding, “I just never thought you’d actually say it.”

“So you're going to be a mommy huh?” he asked, sitting down on the end of her bed.

They locked eyes before she nodded, “Yeah I am and you know what? I’m gonna be a great one.”

He nodded back, looking away, “I know you will Buffy. You're sweet and caring and loving and I’m such an asshole.”

“Yeah,” Buffy smiled in agreement. At his sharp but playful look she giggled, “Well you said it, not me.”

“Buffy be honest with me,” he said after a few seconds of comfortable silence, “Am I bad brother?”

Buffy sighed and closed her magazine, “No Angel. You're too good of a brother.” He gave her a skeptical look, she elaborated. “I mean you love me so much and you’d do anytime to protect me but that’s the problem. I need to get hurt to learn how to live. Life isn't sunshine and puppies. It’s hurt and pain sometimes and you gotta take that and turn into something good. I love you bro, I really, really do but you have to let me fall a little if you ever want me to learn how to pick myself back up.”

He laughed lightly as they bugged, “I love you to Buffy. When did you get so smart?”

Buffy pulled away slightly and smiled, “Oh I’ve always been like this, I just hid it well under bubble gum and giggles.”

“That you did,” he nodded in agreement, hugging her once more, “That you did.”

**********************************************************

*Clink*

Buffy’s eyes opened slightly at the noise. She blinked a few times before shutting them once more and rolling over.

*Clink*

This time it was louder. She squeezed her eyes shut, determined to ignore the noise.

*THUMP*

Her eyes shot open and she growled in aggravation before tearing out of her bed and over to the window. It was two in the freakin morning! Who the hell was out there?

She froze as her eyes connected with blue before she whispered, “Ryan…?”

**********************************************************
was that a bad place to end it? Oh well. *smiles cheekily*

I LIED! I love u guys so much I just couldn’t leave u hanging like that! It’s short but it still takes off the edge of that nasty cliffhanger.
**********************************************************

“Ryan…?”

The blonde skater smiled up at her, guitar in hand, “Hey Buffy.”

Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief at his casualness before she hissed, “Ryan Cooper if you start to play some cheesy ass love song for me on that thing I will kill you. This is to cliché even for you!”

His smile turned sheepish before setting the guitar down, “Yeah, so it’s been done before. I’m not seeing your point.”

“I’m coming down there and I’m going to kick your skater ass! It’s two in the freakin morning!” With that, she ripped a fuzzy pink robe from her closet and started to climb out her window like she’d done so many times before, this time a little more carefully then ever before.

She whipped around when her feet hit the ground, searching for her ex boyfriend and possibly her baby’s daddy. She started to let out a scream when she felt someone grab her but a hand came over her mouth silencing her. She ripped herself from his arms and turned to glare at him, “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

He raked a hand through his thick, long blonde hair before sighing, “I just needed to talk to you Buff. I was trying to pick up on some girl the other night and it made me realize something.”

Buffy’s eyebrows shot up, “That’s real nice. What exactly did it make you realize?”

There was a long silence before he stated, “That I’m not going to get over you. That I was so stupid to throw what we had away like I did. That I still love you.”

“Oh my god,” Buffy muttered. Could her life get anymore complicated?!

“And I know you're with Spike and all Buffy and I don’t expect you to leave him for me or anything but I just thought that you deserved to know,” he finished, letting out a long breath.

“Me and Spike are over,” Buffy said quietly, regretting it instantly. It made it sound like she wanted to get back together.

Ryan suppressed a wide grin at her words, “Really? What happened? You two get into a fight?”

Buffy laughed coldly, “Oh you have no idea.”

There was another long moment of silence before Ryan asked, “Wanna go grab some fast food and talk about it?”

Well, who was she to turn down fast food right?

“Okay.”

**********************************************************

Buffy stuffed another fry into her mouth and took a sip of her chocolate shake before biting into her second double cheeseburger. Ryan just stared at her in amazement. When they had been together, she’d been able to pack it away but this was inhuman.

She noticed him staring and asked, “Wha?” through a mouthful off food.

Ryan just smiled and shook his head before taking a sip of his Mountain Dew.

Buffy looked at her ex and a sudden wave of guilt hit her. He was so oblivious of what was going on and he was right in the middle of it, “Ryan, we really, really do need to talk.”

He nodded, turning to look at her again, “I know.”

Buffy looked away again, not wanting him to see all of the remorse and sadness in her face, “I’ve kinda been lying to you.” She paused before sighing, “Okay, so I’ve been keeping something huge from you.”

“That being?” Ryan asked after a few beats.

“Well you know the last time we uh…uh…you know…” she blushed slightly, “Did it, we well, we kinda forgot something.”

It took him a few seconds before he got it, “Oh god. Buffy are you trying to tell me that…”

“Yeah,” she whispered, “I’m pregnant and that’s not all. It gets so much worse.”

He nodded silently, waiting for her to go on. She was completely surprised her didn’t blow up like Spike or Angel. He was just sitting there calming waiting for her to finish.

“The thing is that, I uh, also had sex with Spike within in time for him to qualify as daddy too with out anything too,” she confessed, “And then I did the worst thing of all.” Tears were starting to form, “I was gonna get an abortion Ryan. I was gonna kill the baby with out a care in the world but I couldn’t do it. It was unfair to you and Spike and the baby and everyone else. I’m so sorry Ryan and please don’t think I ran to you because Spike left me. I’m here because you deserve to know and now you do.”

An all too familiar uncomfortable silence settled before Ryan did something unsuspected. He pulled her into his arms the best he could with the seats dividing them, “It’s okay Buffy. Don’t cry. We’ll get through it together. I’ll take responsibility for the baby, mine or not.”

“Why?” Buffy whispered tearfully, “I love you Ryan but as a friend now. I don’t want to be with you like that.”

He nodded, “It doesn’t matter. We’ll do this as friends.”

“Is that possible?” Buffy wondered aloud. Well was it?

“We can try,” Ryan sighed, pulling away.

Buffy smiled tearfully, “Okay. We do this as friends.”

Spike didn’t want her but at least now her baby would have a daddy, even if mommy and daddy were completely platonic.

I lied AGAIN! lol I might as well keep this up cuz I’m on a roll. Thanks for the reviews ever so much but I want to address one, I kinda made it pretty clear that this story is *meant* to be angsty before so if you don’t like angst, this is definitely not the story for you and I’ll tell you all now, things aren't going to get all warm and fuzzy again for a while I think. ENJOY!!
**********************************************************

They were with out a doubt the strangest looking group at Sunnydale High. Three social circles collide. First you had Lindy and Angel, two of the most popular people at the school and then you had Buffy Willow and Xander, just three normal kids and finally you had Ryan, skate punk extraordinare. Mixed together at once? It wasn’t meant to be.

Everyone was already talking about how close Ryan and Buffy had been walking. Eat your heart out Cordy in Angel. In their couple days, they’d been Sunnydale’s cutest.

Angel spotted Cordy at her locker, surrounded by her friends and spared his sister a look, “I’m gonna go okay?”

Buffy nodded as Angel’s eyes landed on Ryan. He gave the blonde boy an evil glare before walking away. Okay so her brother wasn’t so keen on them even being friends. Who could blame him? But still, Ryan was taking responsibility and that’s all the matter.

“Is he always going to do that?” Ryan asked her with a sigh.

Buffy smiled and nodded, “Probably.”

“Uh Buffy?” Willow said timidly, looking at Xander for some sort of comfort.

“Hmm?” Buffy asked, turning to look at her friend. As she did this, her eyes landed on a sickening sight and she knew right away what Willow had been trying to warn her about.

Arm around Harmony Kendal’s waist was Spike. He was just standing there talking to some guy that she’d seen hang around him and Angel before. He was smirking like everything was perfectly fine, like the events of the past few months had never happened. Suddenly Buffy felt sick and it sure as hell wasn’t morning sickness.

Xander but a comforting hand on Buffy’s shoulder, “It’s okay Buff. He was bad news to begin with.”

Needless to say, Xander hadn't taken Buffy being pregnant very well either but like Angel, he’d decided to support his other best friend.

Spike had reacted on pure jealously. Buffy had walked in with the skater boy and something in him had snapped so he’d done the first thing that had come to mind. He grabbed Harmony around the waist and pulled her to him. The stupid bint had been following him around all morning, even after he’d practically pushed her out of his bed. He might as well take advantage of it.

A thousand questions ran through his head. Had she told him and they’d gotten back together? Was he going to act as the father of her child? That was his kid god damn it! His last thought made him freeze. Why should he care? There was no way to tell that it was his at this time and he was supposed to be mad at her. She had almost killed the baby without telling anyone other then fucking Lindy. Bloody hell, everything was completely and utterly fucked up.

“Let’s go,” Buffy said quietly, latching onto Ryan’s arm.

Ryan hid a smug smile. The bleached idiot was making getting Buffy back just so easy. “Okay Summers. I’ll walk you to class.”

With that, the two blondes made their way down the crowded hall, leaving behind a glaring Spike, Xander and two extremely pissed off teenage girls

“Oh hell no,” Lindy shook her head, “Hell fucking no.”

“Lindy…” Willow began but the other girl cut her off.

“Who the hell does he think he is? What, did he just jump into the skank’s arms the second that Buffy and him had it out? I don’t think so.”

With that, Lindy started forward before Willow could grab her.

She shared a distressed look with her male friend before following Lindy. This wasn’t going to end pretty.

“Well look who it is,” Lindy spit out, “Malibu Barbie and her Ken doll. How sweet, all together and happy again.”

Harmony scowled, surprisingly catching onto Lindy’s hostility, “Why are you talking to us you loser? You can't simply associate with compete geeks and then think that your back in.”

“Listen G I Ho,” Spike started, as pissed at Lindy as Buffy, “Why don’t you take your bitch attitude elsewhere and leave me and my girl alone.”

Lindy looked down at her camo mini and had to suppress a laugh. Okay that had been a good insult but that wasn’t the point! It was still an insult none the less, “You're girl huh? I thought you better then them all Spike. I guess I was wrong.”

He had every right to be mad at Buffy but he being back together with Harmony was just wrong. Lindy looked Spike up and down once more before walking away a little to calmly.

Willow’s turn now. She scowled at the bleach blonde before stating, “If you hurt her anymore I will hunt you down and beat you with a shovel!” With that, she stomped away after Lindy.

Having to get his in, Xander snapped, “Yeah! What they said!” before following Willow hastily.

**********************************************************

“So what happened luv?” a familiar British drawl came from behind Buffy. She couldn’t suppress a shiver that went through her. God his voice was sexy, no matter the tone.

She turned slowly and locked eyes with his, “I don’t know what you mean.”

He took a drag of his cigarette before stating, “Yes you do. Went runnin back to the skater boy the second I was gone.”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “Oh! Don’t you dare you son of a bitch! Ryan and me are trying to be friends again and he’s going to be a father to my child! The child you clearly don’t want! If anyone went running back to anyone it was you to Harmony!

Neither noticed but people were starting to stop and watch.

Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath before asking quietly, “Who said I don’t want to be the father Buffy?”

“Oh that’s rich,” Buffy laughed angrily, “I know what I did was wrong, really, really wrong but you sure as hell did a great fucking job making it seem like you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Make up your mind!”

“You know what?” he shook his head, throwing his cigarette down on the ground and crushing it out with the toe of his boot, “You just go be with the skater boy. I hope you two raise a perfect little fucking family together.” And then he stormed off, leaving her alone in the court yard, or so she thought.

Buffy looked around noticing the people staring for the first time. They’d all heard. They all knew. Well fuck.

Why do these things always happen in the courtyard?

hey guys! thanks ever so much for all the reviews! I just wanted to say go read Darla Winifred’s “First Loves Die Hard” which she took over for me if you haven’t already read it. It’s complete and she did a far better job finishing it then I ever could have! Quick warning though, short chapter, long song and I stole the name of Ryan’s band from a book I read a while ago. Don’t exactly remember the name but of well.
**********************************************************

Just ignore it. Just ignore it. Just ignore it.

The looks and whispers were getting to be too much. You know, it was truly amazing how fast word spreads around a small town high school. Everyone might as well have been there to actually witness Spike and her confrontation.

She couldn’t ignore it.

Sure the ignore it and it’ll go away approach to life normally worked for her but not this time. She had to get out of here or she was going to kill herself. The whole school knew that she was pregnant and didn’t know who the father was. How exactly did that make her look? Well that was a simple question. It made her look like a complete and utter ho.

Buffy waited at her locker until the halls were empty. She started to shove her books into the cramped locker, grabbed her bag and stealthily started out of the school. She reached the front gates successfully before a hand grabbed her arm.

She let out a loud yelp and whipped around to see Ryan smiling at her, “I see you're still as easy to scare as ever.”

Buffy glared at him in return, “Asshole.”

“You love it,” he laughed.

Instead of replying ‘yeah, I do’ like she would have when they were together, she just smiled awkwardly before asking, “What do you want Cooper?”

“Figured you would need a ride,” he shrugged.

“Well…” Buffy bit her bottom lip in between her teeth. Okay this could turn out two ways. One, nicely, or it could turn out very, very badly. It would more than likely turn out very, very badly. Then again, it’s not like her life could get much more complicated, “Okay. Let’s go.”

Ryan smiled at her with his very best ‘I’m a cute little skater boy, love me, not condemn me’ smile, “Your chariot awaits.”

“You know,” Buffy stated as she got into the passenger’s seat of Ryan’s car, “I have skipped school more this year alone then I’ve ever have. Actually, before this year, I don’t think that I’ve ever skipped school. You people are very bad influences on me.”

“I personally take pride in it,” Ryan laughed before he started up the ignition and they drove away.

**********************************************************

They’d spent the day at the mall looking at baby clothes. Okay so it was more like Ryan tagged along as Buffy cooed over every little booty and jumper. All in all, it had been a relatively good day minus earlier events of course.

“You want to head off to the Bronze?” Ryan asked as they pulled into the Summer’s driveway.

Buffy blinked at him a few times before asking, “And facing everyone? I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on Summers,” Ryan smiled, “It’s Friday night and if you don’t show up, u let them win.”

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. He did have a point. She’d already let them win by running away.

“Okay but I swear, anyone makes any cracks at me, bitch is going down,” Buffy threatened, “I may be small but I sure as hell can pack a punch.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

“Yup,” she smiled on the outside but on the inside, she was all but happy.

Ryan sighed inwardly in relief as they took off again. Everything was going to work out perfectly.

**********************************************************

Today is just not my day, Buffy decided as she entered the dimly lit club only to come face to face with Harmony, Cordy, and the rest of the “popular” girls. She didn’t even have Ryan there to stand up for her. Stupid Ryan had disappeared, promising to be back as soon as possible.

Avoiding any eye contact, she attempted to push her way through. No luck.

“Listen you little slut,” Harmony bit out, “I know you think that my Spikey knocked you up but I can't even see him wanting to touch you. Why don’t you just go ruin the life of your stupid little boyfriend Ryan and leave my blondie bear alone.”

“You can have your “Blondie Bear” Harmony,” Buffy sighed, trying not to let the other girl’s words get to her. What the hell did she know anyways? “You two deserve each other.”

“What’s that supposed to…” Harmony started but was cut off when a male voice introduced “Mystery Pisser” and music filled the air.

All Buffy could do was turn to the stage and watch Ryan start to sing.

“Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.

Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.

If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You can tell me why you just don’t fit in
And how you're gonna be something

Maybe when your hair gets darker,
Maybe when your eyes get wide,
Maybe when the walls are smaller
There will be more space

Maybe when I'm not so tired,
Maybe you could step inside
Maybe when I look for things that
I cant replace, I cant replace
I cant replace.

If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just don’t fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.

If I could be your first real heartache,
I would do it over again.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your heroine.

I never thought you'd last,
I never dream you would.
You watch your life go past,
You wonder if you should.

If you should be my punk rock princess,
So I could be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just don’t fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.

If I could be your first real heartache,
I would do it over again.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your heroine.”

Oh god, oh god, oh god. There was no mistaking what the song was supposed to mean or whom it was directed towards. Ryan didn’t seem as cool with the strictly platonic as she thought he was.

Buffy pushed her way through the crowd leaving Harmony still ranting more then likely and up to the stage.

“We need to talk,” she hissed at him as he came down the small set of stairs on the side of the stage and over to her.

Slightly taken back by her tone, he nodded followed Buffy out of the club to the entrance. She practically pushed him out of the door and jabbed a finger into his chest, “What the hell was that!?”

“I still love you Buffy,” he stated, “I already told you that and I’m telling you again. God, you and Spike or over and I could be the father of the baby. It only makes sense for us to be together now.”

She shook her head vehemently, “No Ryan! I don’t want to be with you anymore! No matter what happens between me and Spike, I still love him. You said that we could try to do this as friends which hey, you were very, very wrong about so now I’m saying I do this on my own.”

She started to walk away when Ryan grabbed her arm and spun her around before kissing her.

That of course is when Spike decided to show up. The platinum blonde male took one look at the scene in front of him before turning around and walking right back to his car unnoticed. When he’d told her to go raise a happy family with the skater boy, he sure as hell hadn't meant it.

Buffy wrenched away from Ryan before smacking him hard. It was all too familiar, only this time she hadn't wanted to kiss and the slap had come after, “You can shove your songs up your ass Ryan Cooper! I don’t want to be with you!”

The blonde boy shook his head angrily and shouted back, “Fine!” and with that he stomped back into the club leaving an extremely emotionally distressed Buffy.

short chapter ahead? I know and I apologize but hey, it’s still somethin right? Besides it’s gonna be overly dramatic and completely cliché so that counts for double : )
**********************************************************

Wiping her eyes angrily, Buffy wrapped her arms around herself in a protective manner and started to walk. Déjà vu she thought bitterly as she made her way through the alley to the street quickly. Only this time, she wasn’t at some stupid party and she couldn’t call Spike to come pick her up and make her feel better.

She reached the main street and slowed down slightly now that she was out of the alley. She looked both ways before jogging across. She got about a few yards before she felt a cold rain drop hit her bare shoulder. Cursing herself for not bringing a jacket, she tightened her grip on herself and started to pick up her pace once more. It seemed the faster she walked the more it started to rain and before long it was down pouring. The weather seemed to be in as pissy of a mood as she was.

Bloody hell, Spike thought as he spotted Buffy walking in the rain. She would get sick and that couldn’t be good for the baby.

With a sigh he asked himself aloud, “Why the fuck do I even care?”

Before he could stop himself, he pulled up along side of her and rolled down the passenger side window, “Is there a reason why you're walking home in the rain?”

Buffy’s head whipped around to look at Spike, slightly startled before asking, “Is there a reason why you care?”

‘Because I love you, that’s why.’ Spike had to bite his tongue to not say this. Instead he settled for, “Get in. I’ll drive you home.”

Buffy bit her lip, thinking about it before nodding and opening up the car door and sliding it, “Thanks.”

There was a long pause of uncomfortable silence before Spike finally asked, “So why aren't you with the skater boy? You two looked awfully cozy back there”

Buffy’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, “Cozy? What do you mean?”

“Cozy as in he had his tongue down your throat and you didn’t seem to mind,” he bit out in response trying not to let jealousy get the best of him.

Buffy froze. Oh god. He must have caught the beginning of the show and not decided to stick around to find out how it ended. She turned to look at him and noticed how white his knuckles where from practically strangling the steering wheel. He was jealous, “Yeah well, you did tell me to go have a nice life with him.”

Spike’s grip on the steering wheel tightened even more, “And you had no fucking problem doing that did you?”

Buffy looked out of the window and shook her head. She was about to open her mouth and say ‘Actually I did. If you would have stuck around you would have seen me leave a rather impressive red hand shape print on his face,’ but was cut short.

“But that’s okay luv,” he went on from his statement before. “I guess I should have figured that you’d end up being some bloody trailer park mum. You proved that you where quite the slut after you broke up with the skater boy and then fucked me didn’t you?”

Buffy turned to look at Spike, her eyes full of shock and hurt from his words, “Pull over. I want out. I can't stand to be any where near you right now.”

“What? The truth hurt?” he scoffed.

“You don’t know anything,” Buffy snapped, “God I hate you. You think you know everything that’s going on but really you are completely blind. Now please, pull over and let me out!”

“I’m not letting you walk home in the fucking rain. I’ll drop you off and we can both go on with our lives as though…”

Spike never got to finish his statement. He was cut off by Buffy’s scream and then the world flashed white and went black for them both.

y’all didn’t really think I’d leave you hanging like that did you? Another short chapter I know. I guess I could have added this onto the last but I just love cliffhangers, don’t you?
**********************************************************

Willow had her tear stained face buried in Xander’s shoulder. He was sporting a rather somber expression himself. Lindy’s head hung low, her face totally emotionless. Joyce was at the front desk demanding to see her daughter and as always, Angel was pacing.

“I’ll kill him!” the brunette boy ranted, “I’m fucking kill him, find a way to bring him back to life and kill him again!”

Lindy looked up at Angel and sighed, “Angel, do you really think that Spike is feeling just peachy fucking keen at the moment? He might lose the woman he loves and their baby. Yeah, I’m sure he’s just fine.”

“You're defending him?!” Angel demanded, “How can you be defending him?!”

“I know that he was driving but I bet you anything that they’d been fighting and it was raining and you heard the police, it was a fucking drunk driver and hello, did you not see how upset he was? My god was I the only one that heard the ‘Bloody fucking hell! Let me see her! I’m fine! Is she alright?! The baby?! Let me fucking see her!’ or was anyone else here with me?”

No one answered her of course. Angel just gave an angry snort and resumed his annoying pacing. She just rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat. She wasn’t good with emotions and all that shit but that didn’t mean she couldn’t feel them. She just didn’t want other people to know that. Sad as it was, her still newfound friendship with Buffy, Willow and Xander was probably the only true friendship she’d ever had. For once there was no pettiness and completely self-absorbed actions. It was just…real.

Spike wasn’t peachy fucking keen as Lindy had so diligently put it. He’d gotten off easy with just a few cuts and scratches. Buffy on the other hand was now lying in a hospital bed with a chance of dying. He would have given anything for it to be the other way around.

“There’s no smoking in here sir,” a random nurse sighed, annoyed as he pulled out a cigarette and was about to light it. The nurse came over and plucked the ‘cancer in a stick’ as she viewed them from his lips.

“Bloody hell, I need something to calm my fucking nerves,” he muttered putting away his lighter and sulking back.

“And smoking isn't the answer Spiky,”

Spike squeezed his eyes shut. The last thing he needed now was to be told off my Lindy. He already blamed himself enough. She was bound to make it even worse.

She plopped down in the chair next to his and turned to look at him, “Well it isn't.”

“How did you find me?” Spike grumbled.

“I’ve been wandering and kinda ended up here,” she shrugged, “You're gonna have to face us soon enough you know.”

“I know,” he sighed, “Will you go away?”

Even though he wasn’t looking at Lindy, he knew she was now smiling her stupid all knowing smile, “Not a chance. Actually, I’m on your side. Everyone else hates you, well actually I dunno about Wills because she hasn’t voiced her opinion yet but still.” She paused before stating, “It’s not your fault you know. I mean it wasn’t your fault that that son of bitch was drunk out of his mind and decided it was a just a spectacular idea to get behind the wheel. And you know what? I think she’s gonna be fine, the baby included.”

“I told her that she’d end up a ‘trailer park mum’ and called her slut before the accident,” he stated.

Lindy winced, “Okay I do blame you for that. What were you guys fighting about anyways?”

“Her and the skater boy got back together,” he told her, his voice taking a slightly sharp edge.

“And did she tell you this?” Lindy raised an eyebrow.

“It was pretty self-explanatory.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, shaking her head, “You two are both the biggest fucking idiots I know though. You love each other so much and don’t even deny it but you two just keep letting stupid insignificant shit get in between your relationship. I just don’t get it.”

Spike was about to reply when Willow entered the almost empty waiting room of the hospital. She gave him a look that was in between sad for him and angry at him before saying, “We can see her now. She woke up.”

They both nodded and stood, following the red head out. When they all reached the main waiting room where the others were, Angel and Xander immediately turned on the defenses with unwavering glares.

“What about the baby?” they caught Mrs. Summers asking the doctor as they started to walk towards the room Buffy was in.

Doctor Nelson gave her a slight smile, “You're daughters beautiful baby girl is just fine.”

“It’s a girl?” Spike asked quietly from the back of the group.

The doctor smiled again and nodded, “Yes. May I ask who you are?”

He was about to reply when Joyce cut him, giving him a warm smile, “The father.”

Spike was slightly shocked but thankful. He smiled back and tried to ignore Xander and Angel.

“There is a slight problem though,” Doctor Nelson started to warn as he opened the door. He never got a change to explain it.

Buffy blinked at the people in front of her for a moment before asking, “Uh, excuse me but who are you people?”

**********************************************************
not to bad of a chapter I hope? I kinda have issues with it cuz I wrote it so quickly but I’m just filling your demands. Hope you like!

*sighs heavily and hits self upside the head* I know that my timing is off so please just bear with me until I can fix it? I still have some research to do on pregnancy cause I’ll say now, I know nothing about it. So like I said, bear with me until I can get things straightened around. Now in the art of shameless self promotion, go read the fic Darla Winifred and I are writing together “The Teen Dream” under the name DeliciousDarlaKittenKate cuz I said so!
**********************************************************

Buffy blinked at the people in front of her for a moment before asking, “Uh, excuse me but who are you people?”

“That problem being temporary memory loss,” the doctor finished, turning to look at Joyce.

“S-so she doesn’t remember anything?” she asked in a distressed voice.

“For the time being, she has no recollection of anything that happened in her life before the accident. All you all can do is try and help her to remember. Anything to trigger her memory, a photograph, a song, a certain smell even. I wish I could tell you that she’ll get her memories back in a day but even though this is temporary it could indeed last.”

“So Buff,” Lindy smiled at her very confused friend, “You like soap operas right?”

In return she got a scowl from Willow but she just shrugged it off. Who exactly was going to explain to her that she was pregnant at sixteen, had almost went through an abortion to get rid of a baby with two possible fathers who are both in love with her? The poor girl’s life was a freakin soap opera.

“I don’t even know my name and you're asking me if like soap operas?” Buffy asked, her voice getting a slight edge. These people were seriously confusing her.

“You're life is sort of…” Willow started to explain, “Complicated at the moment.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow, “Complicated?”

“Yeah, as in you're a sixteen year old girl pregnant with baby with an undefined father,” Xander replied.

It was his turn to get a scowl from Willow, “You could have put it a little more gently!”

“Oh my god,” Buffy muttered. She looked up at the people and stated, “I’m so freakin confused! Who are you anyways?”

A half smile appeared on Willow’s face, “Uh, I’m Willow, one of your best friends.” She gestured to the boy who’d so kindly explained why her life was a soap opera to her and the girl who had asked her if she liked them, “And they’re Xander and Lindy. Also your friends.” She then turned to a brunette boy, “This is Angel, he’s your brother and…”

“I’m your mother,” Joyce cut in, “I almost lost you today baby.”

Buffy smiled awkwardly before looking at the gorgeous piece of man standing in the corner, looking anywhere but here, “And who’s he?”

Willow bit her lip, Xander and Angel’s expressions hardened, her mother smiled sadly and the mystery man finally looked at her, “Uh…Spike, you're…uh…bloody hell.”

“We all better go,” Joyce sighed, the air in the room thick with tension, “I’m sure Buffy would like to get some rest and this all must be so overwhelming.”

“You can say that again,” she muttered, looking over the people who claimed to be her friends, family and well she didn’t know what the hottie was to her. Boyfriend maybe? She then remembered the guy name Xander’s comment. Maybe, he was the baby she was supposedly having, father.

The people in the room gave their goodbyes and left, Spike lingering for a moment. He looked at Buffy and sighed. At least she couldn’t remember the horrible comments he made to her before the accident. Then again, she couldn’t remember anything at all.

**********

They released Buffy from the hospital two days later. Much to everyone’s dismay, the blonde teenager’s memories still hadn't returned.

Buffy sighed heavily as she collapsed onto her bed. The second her body hit, a sense of comfort came over her. She rolled over slightly, trying to get comfortable. There was a large bump under the covers she was lying on. Sighing slightly, she sat up and pulled the offending object out. She stopped and smiled at the soft pink stuffed pig she had just discovered. Everything was so familiar and so foreign at the same time. She’d give anything for something, anything at all to make sense.

She set the pig aside and got up to search the rest of her room.

She wandered over to her closet and started to inspect it’s content. She touched a silky red top and smiled slightly. At least she didn’t seem to be lacking in the fashion department. She noticed a small chest buried under a pile of clothing and smiled again. maybe there was something in there to help her out. She swept the clothing aside and opened up the chest, relived when she found it to be unlocked.

Inside was a photo album and a stack of what looked like diaries. A-ha! She grabbed hold of the edge of the chest and gave it a tug to pull it out of the closet. Once she’d pulled it over to her bed, she sat down and took out one of the diaries. It was clearly one that had been filled and retired a while back. Reclining back into her pillows she opened it and started to flip through the pages.

She stopped when she spotted ‘I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!’ written in slightly sloppy handwriting, little girl’s handwriting. She raised an eyebrow and started to read the entry.

I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! Who the heck does that little jerk think he is anyways? Telling me I was to girly to play with him and Angel and then calling me Betty! My name is Buffy and I am not to girly to play football! Stupid William Giles, what does he know anyways?

Buffy couldn’t help but giggle. Whoever William Giles was, he sure managed to piss mini-her off. She continued flipping through the pages and finding nothing. She tossed the one diary back into the chest and pulled out another. The first page had her attention immediately.

Dad left today. He just simply packed a suitcase and was gone. He’d barely even said goodbye to me or Liam. I knew it was going to happen though so I don’t know why I’m letting this affect me so much. Mom and him were always fighting. It still hurts though. I hope I don’t have leave mom or Liam. If I have to move to LA with dad, I’ll probably never see Spike again. Oh well, he probably wouldn’t even notice that “Angel’s” little sister was missing anyways. He’ll never notice me.

Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Not wanting to read anymore, she threw that diary back into the chest and pulled out one more. It was her current diary she decided after reading the first entry about her first day as a junior.

OHMYGOD! Today was the best day ever! First I’d told Angel, my all mighty brother no and then I talked to that skater hottie Ryan Cooper and he drove me home and it was amazing! But the Angel had to ruin it of course. The thing I don’t get though is why Spike would want to drive me home, Angel asking him or not. Maybe, just maybe Ryan will be able to rid me of my undying love for the bleached boy. God I hope he asks me out! I don’t know why he wouldn’t. Not to sound shallow or anything but I look damn good this year. You never know.

Buffy smiled. Ryan Cooper? Was he the other possible father for the baby she was having? Buffy shrugged. She’d said it herself. You never know. With that thought, she continued to flip through the pages. She stopped at the last page she’d written on.

How am I going to do this? I’m only sixteen fucking years old. I tried to get rid of it but I couldn’t. I could never do that to Spike. God I love him so much and I screwed up so bad. There’s no going back now. What’s done is done. God I’m a fucking idiot. He doesn’t want me anymore though. I shouldn’t be surprised. Did I think this is something he could forgive me for? Now I have to tell Ryan. I have to be fair. I don’t care if in the end it’s just me and my baby. It’s my baby and that’s that. I’ll always have my family and my friends. I just wish I have my love.

Buffy stared down at the page shocked. She’d tried to kill her baby. God she learned again that she had a baby not even a week ago but it was still her baby. How could she do something like that? And Spike. It sounded like she’d gotten the boy she’d wanted and then fucked it up. Lindy had been right. Her life was a total soap opera.

*********
hey people, one more little thing, go vote at www.geocities/bloodawards! It’s good for your soul, well not really but you know what I mean…

I love this story with all of my heart, for it is my baby BUT to be truthful I’m running out of ideas so I’m ending it with this chapter. Forgive me, but it’s time for me to move on to bigger and better things. Though this is my very last chapter I promise that you will find out who the father is in the epilogue! I love all of my readers and reviewers! *hugs all of my readers and reviewers* Oh yeah, go watch the video Darla Winifred made me for this fic at her new vid website www.darlawinifred.tripod.com. Thanks ever so much for it babe!

********

Today was Buffy Summers seventeenth birthday.

To bad she didn’t remember the last sixteen.

Sighing heavily, she pulled herself from bed and over to her closet to pull out the dress that she’d bought that week with Willow. Willow who had been her best friend before had slowly became her friend once more in month or so she’d been memory-less. She laid the short red, pink and orange linen funky floral print dress on her bed and headed into the bathroom down the hall.

She stopped in front of the mirror above the sink and stopped. She had no clue who was looking back at her. Shaking her head, clearing herself of that sad thought that just wouldn’t seem to leave her alone, she stripped and stepped into the shower.

*******

Buffy re-entered her bed room, drying off her hair in the process. She glanced over to her bed and dress and stopped.

“So what now?” Buffy thought aloud as she lay naked in Spike’s arms. She’d finally got the guy she actually wanted but, like she’d asked, what now?

“So what now?” he repeated, “Well I was thinkin we’d shag again…”

Buffy rolled her eyes, cutting him off, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

There was a moment of silence before he sighed slightly, “Yeah. I know luv.”

“Well? I mean Angel isn't going to be exactly happy about this and what about Ryan, I mean he did ask if I was going to go right to you after we broke up and the kids at school and…”

She never got a chance to finish her worried ramble. She flipped them over so he hovered about her, looking into her eyes. Buffy melted.

“Nobody else matters Buffy. I love you and nothings going to change that.”

And with that, he kissed her deeply.

Buffy stood perfectly frozen, the towel wrapped around her body nearly slipping away. Oh my god, she thought. She remembered something! Not just some minimal thing either but something important from before!

She knew what had happened between her and Spike but only had a rather vague explanation from her friends to go on. Oh lord was he yummy.

Buffy let out a small yelp and almost dropped her towel once again when her bedroom door burst opened and Willow and Lindy came barreling in giggling like crazy.

“Happy birthday!” they both laughed loudly.

Buffy raised an eyebrow before she asked, “Are you two on crack?”

“Sweetie,” Lindy shook her head, “If I were on drugs I wouldn’t be doing the cheap stuff.”

This caused her to roll her eyes at her friend before she asked the two, “So is there a reason for bursting into my room like you are indeed on crack?”

“Yes there is,” Willow nodded, “We’re kidnapping you.”

“You're kidnapping me?” Buffy repeated slowly, confused.

Lindy nodded, “Yes.”

“Okay, why are you kidnapping me?” Buffy asked, trying not to laugh.

“Well that’s a secret so put on some clothes and come on. You're being kidnapped,” Willow ordered with a large smile.

“You know you all are sorry ass kidnappers,” Buffy grumbled good naturedly as she picked up her dress off of her bed. She turned to look at her two friends and then at the door, “Uh, could you both like get out?”

Lindy rolled her eyes before grabbing onto Willow and pulling her out of the room.

********

“I couldn’t eat another bite if I tried,” Buffy mumbled, pushing away a large platter of pancakes that wasn’t even half eaten.

“Me either,” moaned Willow, doing the same as her blonde friend, “Who knew that the lumberjack platter was THAT big?”

They’d gone for breakfast at a small little diner on the outskirts of Sunnydale and decided to split a lumberjack platter. It had come out with five pancakes bigger then a normal sized plate.

“I know. It’s almost obscene. We have to come here again,” Lindy smiled.

All through breakfast she’d put off telling them about her remembering. It’s not like she could just say mid-bite ‘oh yeah, I remember something today by the way.’ Okay, yes she could but still, “Uh so when I got out of the shower this morning and I got into my bedroom, I, uh, I kinda…”

Willow and Lindy both gave her odd looks.

“I remembered something.”

Silence.

“Ohmigod!” Willow exclaimed, “Buffy that’s amazing! What did you remember?”

A small blush crept across her cheeks, “Uh…”

Lindy smiled wickedly, “Something naughty huh?”

This of course just made Buffy turn a deeper shade of red.

“You little perv!” Lindy giggled, “Your first memory since you lost it and it was something dirty!”

Buffy sighed before replying, “It was exactly naughty, we were like doing it. It was just…intimate.”

“Hey,” Willow suddenly lit up, “Maybe that it’ll be like a chain reaction and you’ll start to remember things and finally get everything back!”

Buffy smiled at this. Maybe, just maybe.

Lindy looked at her watch and then at Willow, “Oh dear, look at the time. We have to go Wills.”

Buffy looked suspicious and Willow just looked clueless.

“Why?” she asked.

Lindy suppressed the urge to roll her eyes, “You know, to do that thing.”

“That thing?” Willow stopped to think for a moment before blurting out, “Oh! The surprise party…oops.”

*******

“I said I was sorry!” Willow whined as Lindy glared at her.

Buffy, Lindy and Willow stood outside of the VIP room of Bounce, Lindy’s uncle’s club where the not so surprise party was being held.

Lindy just continued to glare, “Buffy, just, you know, act surprised?

She laughed and nodded. “Surprised, got it.”

“Don’t mock me Buffy Summers,” Lindy warned, a playful edge to her voice.

Buffy threw her hands up slightly, “No mocking at all here. I’m completely mock free.”

“Yeah right,” Lindy grumbled, “Let’s just get this over with.”

“So glad you're excited for my party,” Buffy laughed as they pushed the door open and were greeted with darkness before…

“SURPRISE!!!”

Buffy let out a giggle as she was showered in confetti and silly string.

“Oh my god!” Buffy giggled, acting as though she had no idea about the party.

“Happy birthday Buffy,” Angel smiled, hugging his sister, “The big one seven.”

Buffy laughed and nodded, “That’s me. I have to say, I feel significantly more mature.”

“You do get that no matter how old you get, you’ll still be my baby sis right?” he laughed back as she pulled away.

Buffy gave him a peck on the cheek, “Wouldn’t have it any other way big bro.”

“Go have fun,” he smiled, giving her a slight nudge in the shoulder, “I won't even lecture you for your actions tonight.” He paused before adding, “I’ll save that for tomorrow.”

Yeah, like she could do so much hard core parting pregnant.

She rolled her eyes before she was whisked away by Lindy. Her brunette friend dragged her a few feet over to…a pole. Oh lord.

“Think real hard about this,” Lindy ordered.

Buffy turned and laughed at her, “Why? What does this have to do with anything?”

All she got as a snicker and, “Oh, you have memories with this pole.”

A horrified look crossed Buffy’s face, “Please tell me you're kidding.”

“Sorry babe,” Lindy smirked, “Butcha do.”

“And this is going to help me remember?” Buffy raised an eyebrow, “This doesn’t seem like a thing I’d want to remember.”

“Come on Buff,” Lindy pouted, “At least try.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy placed a hand on the poll and…nothing.

“Oh well,” she sighed, “I gave it a try.”

Lindy nodded, disappointed before she lit up and smiled, “Let’s dance!”

With that, the two friends headed to the dance floor. A somewhat familiar beat filled the air and it came to her.

Buffy smiled brightly as her fingers brushed over the cold metal pole. Her alcohol laden brain never once gave thought to the fact that strippers used poles like these. All she wanted to go was get down. With out further adue, she latched on and swung around, wrapped her legs around and throwing her head back with a laugh all while grinding herself up against the pole.

“Buffy?” Lindy asked, her friends eyes wide, “Buffy? What’s wrong?”

“Oh my god,” Buffy groaned, “I must have looked like such a slut!”

A smile lit up Lindy’s face before she attached her with a hug, “You remember! She remembers stripper Buffy mode!”

This of course got odd looks. Like they cared.

*********

Spike took a deep breath, still debating going in or not. He hadn't seen her in a while and it was killing him. Bloody hell, he missed her so much it almost physically hurt. He exhaled with a sigh before entering the VIP area that Buffy’s birthday was being held in. He had to talk to her.

*********

The night was going so quickly. After presents and pigging out on birthday cake like no tomorrow, Buffy sat on one of the large cushy coughs, hand on her stomach smiling as she watched her friends party. There was only one thing missing though.

Spike.

He’d never showed and it kind of hurt. It was obvious they’d been in love before the
”incident” and he couldn’t hate her that much because he’d hung around at the hospital after everyone had left while he thought she was sleeping, just holding her hand and telling her how much he loved her and how sorry he was. Yet, he hadn't bothered to show.

“Buffy.”

Buffy looked up.

Spike stood there, looking rather unsure and Buffy couldn’t help but smile.

Wrong, he had showed. He showed because he loved her.

“Hi,” she smiled at him, “Happy birthday to me.”

He laughed slightly before offering his hand to her and saying, “Come on, I want to give you your present in private.”

Buffy nodded and took his offered hand.

He led her to a small, unoccupied lounge spot in the corner where they both sat down. He didn’t let go of her hand and she didn’t pull it away. They just sat there in silence for a moment, holding hands. It felt right.

Finally, he spoke up, pulling something from his pocket. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, handing her the gift.

Buffy accepted it with a smile. It was a small velvet right box. She studied it for a moment before opening it up and froze. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

Inside was a breathtaking ruby ring. The jem was small but it didn’t matter. It was perfect.

She looked up at him confused, “I can't take this from you. It must have cost a small fortune.”

He shook his head, taking the ring and her hand before slipping it on the ring finger of her right hand, “It’s a promise ring. My da gave it to my mum when they were in their teens. His promise was to marry her someday and he did. Before she died, she gave it to me, telling me to give it to someone I truly loved and intended to keep a special promise to. Buffy I promise you I’ll be there for you and the baby if it’s mine or not, even if you never get your memories back. Bloody hell, I love you so much.”

Buffy didn’t get a chance to reply, Spike had leaned in and captured her lips in a tender, loving kiss.

She pulled away and looked into his deep blue eyes, tears clouding her own.

And she remembered.


THE END

“That is disgusting,” thirteen year old Maddy Giles stated as she entered the house with her crush and project partner Derek King.

Her parents were at it again and when she said again, she meant AGAIN.

“Oh that is,” Lindy muttered playfully as she entered the house behind her god daughter, “Are they always like that?”

“Yes! My god!” Maddy fake gagged.

Finally noticing the presence of the other’s in the room, Buffy and Spike pulled apart.

Madeline Giles was daddy’s girl all the way, not that she’d admit it of course. She had been from day one and nothing had changed since.

Lindy smirked at her friends, “Well, I had been wondering if you were still up for dinner with Wills, Oz, Xander, Anya and my hubby tonight but you two clearly have other plans for tonight…”

“I so did not hear that,” Maddy grimaced, looking at Derek who just looked amused by the whole ordeal, “Come on, let’s go get a snack before we get to work.”

He nodded before they headed into the kitchen leaving the “grown ups” to talk.

“Hey Lind,” Buffy smiled, “Of course we’re still on. Like we’d miss dinner with our dear friends.”

Spike muttered something that was along the lines of ‘bloody hell, why can't we just stay home and shag?’ causing both females to roll their eyes at him. .

“Ahh, poor Spikey, did I ruin your fun?” Lindy teased him, earning a glare from him.

They were cut off when Maddy and Derek exited the kitchen, “We’ll be up in my room.”

There was a pause before Spike’s brain started to work.

His baby girl with a boy, in her room…alone.

Over his dead body!

Buffy smiled as she watched her husband jump up and rush up the stairs.

There was no question in her mind whose Maddy was.

Her daughter and husband had the same eyes.


THE END (for real this time)