Chapter One


“Hello, luv,” a deep voice rumbled in Buffy’s ear causing her to shiver. She spun around and green met blue. She furrowed her brow and took a step back to take in the person pressing so close against her.

She couldn’t help the happiness that flooded her at seeing her best friend. If he even was that anymore. “Spike?”

He grinned saucily and spread his arms open wide, “in the undead flesh.”

She broke out into a huge smile and took the opportunity of his arms open wide to fling her arms around him and hug him.

He gently embraced her and enjoyed the warmth of her body against his. He allowed himself a sigh. He had missed her.

She broke away from him and studied him. “It would be really dumb to say you look the same wouldn’t it?”

He rolled his eyes, “yeah, luv, I think so.”

“Hey, you could have changed your style.” She giggled, “so the jeans and t shirt haven’t yet welded themselves onto your body huh?”

“Ha bloody ha,” but he was smiling. “How I’ve missed your sarcasm.”
She shrugged, “how could you not? So, the last time I saw you was…last year? About this time?”

“Yes, I believe you were on your way to England for a vacation. I got a letter that said you were staying indefinitely. But, funny how I never got the return address.”

She looked down and away. Then, she shrugged. “I liked it there.”

He cocked his head to the side and she met his gaze straight on. He was doing the classic look of trying to get to the bottom of what she was thinking. The best way to not give him any fodder was to meet his gaze.

“Hiding something, pet?” He asked.

“No.”

“Why didn’t you want me to know where you were?”

She shrugged. “What does it matter?”

“I missed you. I wanted to know where you were, if you were all right.”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I? And I’m all right. All in one piece.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t come after you.”

“Bit dramatic, don’t you think?” She raised her eyebrows.

His eyes flashed then, humor gone. “I had a half a mind to.”

“Why didn’t you then?” She challenged him.

“Figured you’d rather have me stay and protect those nearest and dearest.”

“You don’t have to do anything for me, Spike. You never had to.”

“No, but I choose to.”

“A vampyre with the deep-seated respect and desire for a family. How sweet.” She was being bitter now. Their reunion had gone from pleasant to horrid in seconds. It figured she wouldn’t be able to come back and have no questions asked. She had hoped that enough time had passed for her departure and her desire to not come back to be, if anything, forgiven.

“Don’t give me that. Just because you felt the need to abandon everyone-“

“Oh for Christ’s sake! I didn’t abandon anyone. I traveled. Everyone knew where I was—“she stopped then. Uh-oh. She hadn’t met for that last part to come out.

His eyes went from anger, to hurt and then back to anger. “You kept in touch with everyone? You mean to tell me I was the only one who was kept out of the loop as to where you were? How is that, Supergirl?”

“Don’t call me that,” she told him through clenched teeth. “I’m not Supergirl. I’m just Buffy.”

“Just Buffy, huh? Did visiting a different country zap you of your super powers then? Or can you still take out a few vamps, a demon and whatever else comes along without breaking a sweat?”

Her eyes flashed then, “shut up, Spike,” she hissed.

“Prefer Wonder Woman then?”

She glared at him, clenching her fists.

“I know you want to hit me,” he said darkly. “Why don’t you just do it?”

She straightened, “because I’m not that girl anymore. I left her here when I left. I became me and I don’t have any desire to be ‘wonder woman’ any longer. Good-bye Spike.” She stalked off, beer on the bar forgotten.

Spike watched her walk away and clenched and unclenched his jaw several times. Bloody chit. No, no this wasn’t right. There was no way she was going to walk away from him. There was no way she was going to up and leave for a year without telling him where she was and what she was doing. There was no way she was going to get away with keeping him out of the bloody loop. Not after he’d stood by her, fought by her side, been there for her…loved her. He stormed off in her direction. Pushing his way through the crowd he followed her scent outside. He took a right onto the sidewalk out of the bar and saw her halfway down the street, pulling her sweater tighter around her. He took off in a flash and grabbed her arm. She quickly twisted his arm so that she was the one grabbing his and flung him halfway across the street.

“Not Wonder Woman any longer huh?” He asked as he sat up on his elbows.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Jesus Christ, Spike! What the hell are you doing?”

He got up, wiping blood away from his mouth and planted himself in front of his fuming Wonder Woman.

“Think I’d make it easy for you to just walk away from me?” He asked.

She rolled her eyes, “the real question is do you ever make anything easy? Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you where I was, specifically.”

He didn’t try to hide the hurt any longer. “Why? Why did you lie to me? Why did everyone else lie to me?”

“They were respecting my wishes.”

“And you? I can take their lying to me—sort of. But you? How could you do that?”

“I did what I had to.” She whispered.

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I wanted to get away from here for a while Spike. Boston wasn’t my home anymore. It was becoming something entirely different. And goddammit, I’m not the damn Slayer. It’s not my job to clean up the streets. I’m not a Chosen One. I’m just a girl that happened to be born with powers—”

“A witch with the ability to kick ass.”

“Exactly. And I didn’t want to be her anymore. I wanted to be me. The me without the powers. The me who enjoys the sun and hanging out with her friends. The me who has choices.”

He folded his arms across his chest and studied her. She was shaking. Obviously upset. “You always have choices, Buffy. No matter who you are or what powers you have.”

“I protected them the best I could as I was gone. I still practiced my magic.” She sighed heavily. “And I knew that you were here. That was another reason I asked them to not say anything.”

“Bloody hell, woman!” He threw up his arms. “You mean to tell me that you used me?”

She looked away. “Part of going away to be me meant leaving behind the vampyre that was my friend. Not exactly part of the normal life I was trying to…try on.”

Now, his hurt was more than apparent. It was broadcasted for any to see. He looked as if she had driven a stake through his heart.

“How could you?” He whispered. “After all we’d been through?”

Her eyes welled up in tears. She hadn’t ever wanted him to know the truth. She couldn’t stand the hurt apparent on him. It rolled off of him in waves and made her want to break down and beg forgiveness. Which, she realized, was what she should do. Instead though, she looked straight at him.

“I always have choices, remember?” She told him and walked away again.

He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “I should be the one walking away from you after what you did to me. Not the other way around.” He ground out.

“Then walk away,” she challenged him. She stared defiantly at him and nearly faltered when she saw tears forming. Instead though, he grabbed her and pulled her against him and kissed her hard. It was a wholly carnal, demanding and possessive kiss.

She pushed at him and still he kissed her. His canines nipped her tongue and she pushed with all her might, but his anger and hurt gave him strength greater than hers. Usually, they were equals, but when emotions were running high—especially with Spike—he had insane strength. He growled at her as she pushed and for once in her life, she was afraid of him. He left her mouth as blood spilled into it and within a second she felt his fangs sink into her neck. She tensed with shock—no, no, no—oh god.

“Mine!” He growled fiercely as he sipped her blood, “You’re mine.”

Oh, God. He didn’t. He just claimed her. Marked her as his mate. Her fear gave her back the strength that seemed to leave her body after his assault. She pushed with all she had in her and succeeded in shoving him clear away. He landed in a heap in the alley and hit the wall. He slid down, eyes fixed and glowing on her. She swiped at the blood she could feel trickling down her neck. His eyes went wide with shock as blood dripped off his canines.

“Oh god, no, I didn’t—Buffy, I didn’t—Oh god, I’m so sorry—“ He started to stand but this time she ran as hard and as fast as she could. Away from the monster who bit her; ran away from the monster who claimed her so savagely. Away from her once best friend.

Spike sank back down into the concrete floor and sobbed. He’d hurt her. He hadn’t meant to, he was just so hurt…he felt so betrayed and he loved her so much. He had missed her while she was gone. Missed her so much his undead heart seemed to constantly ache. When he had been told by her letter that she was not coming home any time soon, his whole world had fallen apart. The only thing that had kept him going was the thought that one day she would be back and that by staying beside her family, he was doing her good. It hurt to know that she hadn’t even sought him out when she’d arrived home. He tried to be casual about it, figured she’d tell him in her own time. But, there was something different about her and if there was one thing Spike wasn’t, it was patient. Her betrayal of him cut so deeply, and his fear of losing her completely obliterated all rational thought. With his claim on her, she would be bound to him forever. She belonged to him now. Oh God, what if she left again? She could. She could up and leave…but he could find her this time. She hated him now. There was nothing stopping her from staking him this time! His thoughts jarbled, his feelings strewn, there was only one thing he knew he had to do: get her to forgive him.



Chapter Two


Buffy ran as if Satan himself were on her heels. It pretty much felt like it. She ran so hard and so fast, she felt as if she were flying. Her feet never seemed to touch the ground. She could feel the blood on her neck beginning to dry and it was a reminder of what he’d done. Spike, how could you? She kept seeing his face, sweet Spike, caring Spike, fighting by her side Spike. Vicious Spike claiming her? No, no, no. It couldn’t be true. The stabbing pain she could now feel in her neck told her otherwise. How could he do something like this? He was always on her side, fighting with her, vowing to always be there for her. Tears marred her vision, now he’d gone and done the unspeakable. He’d bitten her. Claimed her. Chained her to him for all eternity. What had possessed him to do it? Was he unable to control his bloodlust? He’d never had a problem before. His soul…oh god, did he lose his soul?

“Giles! Giles, open up!” She pounded on her High Priest’s door. His place was the only sanctuary she could think of.

The door flew open and Giles stood there in his robe, looking quite shaken and groggy. “Buffy? What is it?” Then he saw her neck and his jaw dropped. He grabbed her hands and led her in quickly, stealing a glance to see if anyone was following.

“Dear God, what happened?” He asked as he went for first aid supplies. “Who got to you? Did you dust it?”

She shook her head and wiped her tears away. “I-I wasn’t prepared.”

Giles’ eyes went wide. “What do you mean you weren’t prepared? Just because you don’t want to be hunting demons anymore doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be prepared.”

“It was Spike, Giles.” At the look of pure shock on his middle-aged features, Buffy promptly burst into fresh tears. “He bit me. He-he claimed me, Giles.”

Giles looked about ready to fall over, “he did—what?”

“Claimed me. Made me his,” she spat ‘his’ out as if it were contaminated.

“What prompted him to do such a thing?”

“He found out about my trip. How I didn’t want him to know. How I tried to cut ties with him…”

“You told him?”

“It kind of came out. He freaked on me. He was so angry and hurt. . .he kissed me and then he… he bit me.”

“Did he say the words?”

She nodded glumly, “he said ‘mine. You’re mine.’”

“Oh Dear God.” He pushed her gently into his chair and started to clean the infected area. He apologized when she hissed at him. “He wasn’t very gentle.”

“There’s a gentle way to be bit?”

“Yes, there is. When vampires mate, it can be quite an erotic experience. What Spike did…his anger is apparent by the bite. Did you feel anything at all?”

“I couldn’t register anything beyond shock and…sadness.”

“Sadness?”

“It’s Spike, Giles. Spike, whom befriended me when he should have hated me.”

“Well, he had a soul. He knew right from wrong.”

“Spike who was there when the Slayer thought I was a demon and wanted to take me out.”

“He cares about you.”

Buffy glared at him then and moved away from him. “Cares about me? Cares? Does someone do this,” she pointed to the wound on her neck, “because they care? No, Giles. He doesn’t care about me, not anymore!”

“When a vampire claims a mate, it’s not merely about possession. It’s about love. Their inner nature, the demon, calls out for it.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Are you telling me that Spike claimed me because he and his demon love me?”

Giles looked down at the floor, guiltily. “I’m afraid so.”

“And you, Giles?” She pointed at him accusingly.

His head shot up, “me…what?”

“You don’t seem so surprised by this. Did you know about it all this time? Did you want it to happen?”

Giles stood and tried to go to her, but she stepped back. He stood rooted where he was and looked at her, pain evident on his face. “No, I didn’t know he would do this. I-I knew, well, suspected at least, of his feelings toward you.”

Her eyes widened, “and you kept it from me? All this time, you kept it from me?”

“I never thought he would take it to such extremes. You say he found out about your vacation?”

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. “He interrogated me. You know how he gets when he wants to know something. I let it slip and he was so hurt…so…angry.” Her voice trailed off and tears started to roll again at the memory of his deed.

“Despite that, he shouldn’t have done it. It is unforgivable. He never even gave you the choice.”

“There is a choice when a vampire claims?”

“Yes, always. It’s like a ritual for them. It’s usually done…in the act of…well, in the act of…um—“

“Sex?”

Giles blushed and took off his glasses to clean them. “Yes, in the act of sex. A vampire claims another vampire—not very often is it a human—by biting them and the claim is reciprocated by a bite. It’s like a marriage. A stronger marriage than those of humans.”

“I know that part. So, then, this claim…can it be reversed? Can it be undone? Is there a spell?”

Giles looked at his spiritual child sadly, “I’m sorry, Buffy. There isn’t. A vampire claim is the strongest magic there is. Anything that involves blood is infinitely strong.”

“This isn’t happening to me. I haven’t even been home a week and I’ve gotten into more trouble than when I was hunting demons. I…he can sense me, he’ll know when I’m in trouble and all that, right?”

“Yes, he can sense when you’re in trouble. He can sense where you are, when you’re close. He can call to you and you will go to him.”

“Can he sense that I hate him? Can he sense that?” She asked, her voice whispering hatred and loathing.

“I don’t think he needs sense to tell him that,” Giles said quietly.

“What am I going to do now? There has to be a way to keep him at bay. A way to keep him away from me. He claimed me, but I never claimed him. The claim can’t be so strong without the other side.”

“Well, there is a missing link, but it is strong nonetheless. The demon in him will hunt you if you run.”

“Are you condoning this, Giles? It sure sounds as if you are!”

He stood up and stalked over to her. He went to touch her, but she flinched and he stopped. “It’s like he raped you,” Giles muttered.

“That’s how it feels, Giles. He took something that didn’t belong to him. He attacked me, Giles. And you are acting as if you’re conducting a simple science experiment! He tore my flesh, drank my blood and staked his claim on me!”

“Buffy, I do not condone what he did at all! I am in shock of how he could…you know that Spike and I never started out on the right foot with each other. He was quite the vicious monster before his soul, I quite remember warning you of it when you became friends with him. Did you listen to me? No. He proved himself time and again. He stood by you, protected you and your family—me—time and again. I’m in shock that he could do something like this. Did he—did he lose his soul?”

“I didn’t ask. He didn’t seem any different. It wasn’t until after I told him that I didn’t want him to know where I was that he…changed.”

“What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything you ask of me. You know I will.”

“I don’t know what I want you to do Giles!” She burst out. “I want—I want the claim to be undone and you can’t do that!”

Giles hung his head sadly, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! I want him to stay away from me. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to be his…”she started to sob and sank into Giles’ couch. “I want to be normal. I want to be me again. I was so happy in England. I was afraid to come back…I knew the insanity would start all over again…I did miss him, you know? I did. And I didn’t want to. I tried so hard not to. I missed him and I tried so hard to shut him completely out. When I saw how hurt he was tonight, I felt so guilty. I wanted to cry for him, with him.” She sprang up then, “and then he bit me! He was so vicious and uncaring! He wasn’t the Spike I missed and the Spike that I felt so guilty over. He hurt me and I am so angry at myself for caring that I hurt him. I don’t want to see him, Giles. Ever. You have to help me. You have to help me fight the claim. There has to be a way. If he calls to me, you can stop me. You can stop him. Please, Giles, please…please." She sobbed in earnest now her constant plea forming as she was brought into the comfort of Giles’ arms. She didn’t see that, Giles too, wept.


Review Please!! TBC...

Chapter Three


Giles sat and watched his spiritual child as she watched TV. She’d been doing that all day. She had refused to go home on account that Spike could show up. He had gently reminded her that Spike was a vampire and therefore incapable of going out in the sunlight. She had promptly reminded him that it hadn’t stopped him before. So, he had collected the belongings she needed and brought them to her. She had decided that since he was her High Priest, he was the only one that could help her. Her family wouldn’t understand. They loved Spike and depended on Spike. They had commented how good Spike was for her. She had blanched at the thought as she stared at her bite marks in the mirror. Yet, Giles wondered why she felt the need to protect his crime from her family if she was indeed truly angry with him. The more he thought about it however, the more incensed he became with Spike. He hadn’t trusted Spike’s intentions in the beginning, thinking he only wanted to find a way to destroy the powerful supergirl. Spike had argued with him time and again about his intentions with Buffy. He firmly vowed to her spiritual leader that his intentions with her was to help her, stand by her and protect her. After some time, Giles had come to grudgingly trust and accept the vampire. Aside from battling evil together, they had become fast friends. Everything Giles had heard about Spike was horrid indeed. He was a slayer of slayers, a killing machine; one that traveled and tortured the world with his beloved Drusilla. Until Dru left him.

Spike had made it his business to insinuate himself firmly in her life. Buffy had been hesitant at first, parts of her reaching to normalcy even though she knew she could never truly have that. Spike, for his part, tried to make it as normal as he could for her. Took her to movies, bars, clubs. Helped her study while she was in college, gave her advice and acted like her supreme confidante. Giles had noted that there was a period where Buffy had immersed herself in dating. She had wanted to take part of the normalcy of communicating with humans who held no special power. She had shut Spike out for a spell and he’d been devastated by it. He’d whined to Giles, of all people. When she came back around, Spike had acted as though nothing had happened and welcomed her back with open arms. As long as he had his Buffy, he was content to play whatever part she needed him to play.

Giles couldn’t help but not be completely surprised by the turn of events. Intuitively, Giles knew that one day Spike would lose his control and patience where Buffy was concerned. He thought that was why he had so many qualms about their relationship. Now, his fears had come to pass and Giles felt guilt. Guilt for not protecting her more strongly against him. Guilt for demanding Spike stay away from her. Guilt for not telling her of his intuitive feelings. If he’d told her, Buffy could have somehow protected herself against such an outright and blatant intrusion.

Suddenly, she jumped as if startled and looked towards the window. She was on alert for something.

“What is it, dear?” Giles asked.

“Spike. He’s near. He’s…I can feel him coming. Oh god, is this part of the claim?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“My neck, it’s throbbing. I want to…tie me up Giles.”

His eyes widened “what?!” He stood, facing her.

“Tie me up. I don’t want to go to him. Please, Giles!”

“I’m not going to tie you up, Buffy. I will go to him, talk to him.”

She pleaded with him with her eyes. He shook his head, firm in his decision.

“Hurry, Giles. Please? Tell him to stop calling to me or whatever he’s doing with the claim.”

“Yes, you need not worry about that.”

“Tell him to leave me alone. To leave town. To never come back.”

Giles paused. “Anything else?”

“Tell him I hate him.”

Giles nodded and strode out into the night. He didn’t have to go very far, just around to the back of the house and he came face to face with a very frightened looking Spike.

“She hates you, you know, “Giles told him.

Spike winced, “I figured she would. She tell you to tell me that?”

“She did. She wants me to find a way to stop the claim and short of killing you, I can’t think of any way to do that.”

“That would be the only way to do it. But, I’m not going to die. Not while she’s still alive.”

“I should stake you for what you did. You had no right.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I know. It shred me to hear her tell me she ran away, essentially, from me.”

“She didn’t run away from just you, Spike. She left to find herself.”

“Why’d she bloody have to go and do that for? I could have told her what and who she is!”

“She had to find it out for herself. She wants a normal life, Spike. You’re not part of the normalcy. You’re her vampire best friend that she relies on. She wanted to rely on something else—herself.”

“It was no excuse to do what I did.” Spike admitted softly.

“No, it wasn’t. It was a form of rape. You’ve changed everything. Ruined every hope she had to lead a normal life. What are your plans now, for her?”

“To get her to forgive me. Grovel if I have to. Anything so that she’ll…she’ll—“

“Be yours just as the claim intended?”

“I won’t deny it’s what I want. I don’t like the way I went about it, but if she had ever given me an inkling of a sign…I would have done it anyway.”

“She wants you to leave town. She wants you out of her life completely.”

“I know she does, Rupert. And it’s not going to happen. She’s my mate now and I stay with my mate.”

“And Dru? Was she not your mate?”

Spike looked away and then shook his head. “She wasn’t. I never claimed her. She never claimed me.”

“Why ever not?”

“Her heart always belonged to her beloved ‘daddy’. I always knew…always knew I was meant for something greater.”

“Buffy,” Giles said softly.

“Yes, Buffy.”

“I’m not going to help you. You should know that. I cannot betray her like that. She has entrusted me to help her. And seeing as how she is my responsibility—“

“You make her sound like a sodding rental car, Rupert! Do you help her because it’s your responsibility or because you care about her?”

Giles’ eyes flashed. Anger simmered just below the surface. He did not want to show the vampire how truly angry he was. It would be of no use Buffy to let his defenses down. “You know I care about her. You know I’d do anything for her.”

“Right. Because you love her too. You can hide it behind your stuffy British ways and long speeches about her being your spiritual child, but the fact remains Rupert that you love her and are too afraid to let yourself feel it. Which, I’m not going to lie to you, it works well in my favor. Because you see, she’s mine now.”

Giles was seething. “She won’t forgive you for your callousness towards this. She’ll hold it against you.”

“What I feel about what I did is not your concern. It’s between her and me. What I am telling you is out of sheer jealousy. She’s mine now and you’d do best to remember yourself.”

Giles glided forward and glared at the insolent vampire. “And if something were to happen? Would you kill me?”

Spike’s eyes glowed brightly he bared his fangs. He growled at the man. “You would be loathe to try it.”

“You couldn’t kill me. If you killed me, you would lose her forever and you know it.”

Spike snarled at him.

“Leave him alone.”

Both men jumped at her voice. Spike moved around Giles and started towards his mate.

She held up her hands. “Don’t come near me.”

“Luv—“

“I’m not your ‘luv’ or your Buffy or anything else anymore.”

“You’re my mate now.”

She glared at him. “In blood only. Not in my heart. That’s where it counts doesn’t it?” She started to walk away.

“Wait,” Spike shouted and started after her. She broke into a run and sprinted to the house. Giles caught Spike’s arm.

“Leave her alone,” Giles ground out. “If you love her the way you claim to, then you will abide by her wishes and leave her alone.”

Spike glared at the man. “This isn’t over.”

“No, you’re right Spike. It’s far from bloody over.” And with that, Giles strode back in the house to comfort the trembling woman in his house.

Chapter Four

FLASHBACK

Spike watched intently as the girl with power staked a vampire without breaking a sweat. She was poetry in motion. What caught his attention most as he watched her work was not the agility and power she held in that tiny body. It was the look on her face. She might as well have been performing the most mundane task on the planet. She was stone-faced and concentrated, unmoved.

Brushing the dust from herself, she moved from behind the crypt and slammed into Spike.

“Hello, luv.”

She took a step back and held up her stake. Whistler moved from the shadows and she sighed with relief.

“I was hoping not to be late tonight. My mother worries.” She told the human-demon.

Whistler grinned, “don’t worry kid. I’ve got something here that will help you not be late any longer.”

She sighed, “oh really? What’s that?”

Whistler pointed to Spike. “Name’s Spike. He’s a vampire.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows. “A vampire is going to help me stake his own kind?”

“You see, kid, he’s a special vampire.”

“Special?”

“He’s got a soul. That’s how he’s special,” Whistler explained.

Her eyes widened. “A soul? How did that happen?”

“Long story, pet. I’ll be happy to relate it to you one day.” Spike finally spoke up.

She folded her arms across her chest. “And how exactly are you going to help me?”

“I’m going to protect you,” Spike said proudly. Gods, she was beautiful. Sure, she was seventeen, but he could see hints of the woman she was about to become.

“Protect me? You don’t even know me.”

“I will,” Spike promised. And he meant it. He wanted to know everything and teach her everything.

She looked at Whistler. “Why?”

“You need it. A Slayer has a Watcher, you have your own personal vampire with a soul.” Whistler explained.

She eyed Spike but spoke to Whistler. “What does he get out of this? How long is going to be helping me? Is there some big evil coming I need to be aware of?”

Spike was irritated that she wouldn’t ask him these things. “I don’t get anything out of this—as far as I know. Except to put my bloody soul to good use. Perhaps one day secure a spot for myself in Heaven.”

“So then, you do get something out of it. I’m your ticket to Heaven.”
”You’re more than that, luv.”

“And what is that?”

He didn’t know for sure yet. Just knew that she meant more to him in the few minutes he’d laid eyes on her than anything before. What he didn’t know yet, was that she’d mean more to him than anything after too.

“I’m going to be helping you for as long as…”

She smirked, “for as long as I’m alive.”

“Yeah, that. And no, there is no big evil coming. Cept, I’ll know when it is and I’ll be right here, fighting the good fight with you by your side.”

She looked at Whistler. “This is weird. He’s weird.”

Spike threw his hands up in the air. “Is there some particular reason why you won’t speak to me when you’re talking about me?” He was exasperated.

She looked at him, “because I don’t know you! I don’t even know if I like you very much!”

“You’re never going to know me if you don’t talk to me!”

“Stop shouting at me!”

“Stop being so bloody frustrating!”

“I would if you’d stop shouting at me!”

“I just started—“ Spike stopped and shook his head. She was bloody frustrating! He looked at her. Her eyes flashing, her whole body challenging him. He suppressed a groan. He was turned on.

Whistler chuckled. “You two are going to be just fine.”

END FLASHBACK



Spike sighed as he took another shot of whiskey. This isn’t what he had planned—ever. He had hoped, wished, dreamed one day that Buffy would come to him and ask to be his mate. He never intended on just taking it.

“Is it a woman?” Willie asked.

“When isn’t it a woman?” Spike muttered harshly.

“That Buffy chick, right?”

Spike glared at him, “not that it’s any of your business, but, yes.”

“Did she come back?”

Spike was exasperated now, “yes. Yes, she came back. And, no, it’s not her fault what I did.”

“What’d you do?”

“Get me a tequila Willie and leave me alone. I’m not feeling very friendly tonight.”

“Big surprise,” Willie muttered and sauntered away leaving Spike to glare at him.

God, how had me managed to make such a mess of this? He had let his anger and hurt get in the way of his clear thinking. When she told him that she’d essentially used him and left him in such a way, it had tore him apart inside. She might as well have driven a stake through his heart and be done with it. His time away from her had been hell as it was. He’d missed her terribly and had been angry with her that she’d never even bothered to let her family know exactly where she was. A P.O. Box was the only way to reach her. He had thought that was a tad risky until her mother informed him that Giles was the only one who had a phone number of where she was. He thought her cruel and heartless. But, he still loved her. Then when she admitted that everyone had known where she was, it was like a knife to his heart. They had ALL lied to him. Kept her from him. They had ALL used him. It tore him apart inside. Because of her, he had a family for once in his undead life and she’d seen to it to destroy that for him. She wanted normalcy, she said. How could a witch with superhuman strength be considered normal?

He’d accepted his inability to be normal a long time ago. Well, he was unlike most of his kind. He accepted his dark nature, accepted his vampire life whole-heartedly. He’d been nothing before that. He and Dru traveled the world over. Killed, maimed, tortured…then his soul had been given to him by a gypsy tribe. They had wanted guilt to drive a stake through his own heart. He smirked, it hadn’t worked that way. He’d felt guilt and distanced himself from Dru, yes, but he hadn’t staked himself. Instead, he’d found a way to cope through a demon named Whistler. Whistler was a demon who thrived on changing people’s lives. He found Spike at a time when he couldn’t kill, could barely function and was lost without his Dark Princess. Whistler took Spike to Buffy. She wasn’t a Slayer. She wasn’t a Chosen One. She hadn’t been called for anything. She simply was. She was a girl who’d been born a witch in a non-witch family and had the powers of a Slayer. She had been 10 when she realized she wasn’t like other girls. She’d been 15 when she met Giles. She’d been 16 when she’d killed her first demon. It was at 17 she’d met Spike. Whistler told him he had a destiny to fulfill. She was to be protected and cared for as the Slayer was. Unlike the Slayer however, she had Spike. A vampire with his ear to the grind and a knowledge of otherworldly foes, not to mention superhuman strength of his own.

What Spike saw when he first beheld Buffy was a girl with a big heart who was struggling to retain her ‘normal life’ whilst battling the forces of evil. Despite her abilities, she was still a girl with the same insecurities as any other girl. The only thing she hadn’t been told in her life was what she was. She wasn’t a Slayer, she didn’t have a Watcher, she didn’t have a Council to report to. All she had was her High Priest who assisted her as best he could and a mortal family who didn’t always understand her. And friends she could barely relate to. She felt alone and isolated.

Spike vowed to never make her feel alone. He wanted her to feel what she was—special. She only wanted to feel that she was a normal girl. She wanted to party, hang out with her friends, date, go to the movies and go to college. She didn’t have an expiration date like Slayers did, but she felt that she might as well have one. She did all the work a Slayer did without a Watcher or the training. So, Spike was her Watcher and her trainer. He was also the one who took her to parties, helped her study, took her to the movies and tried his best to make her feel normal and special at the same time. He didn’t realize however, that all his attention had secluded her further. He couldn’t go out during the day. He couldn’t be with her when she wanted to go to the beach or spend the day in Salem. He couldn’t be with her when she wanted to go to a Red Sox game. Not unless he came well after dark and that had saddened her. She couldn’t tell her friends what he was. Couldn’t explain to them why he’d never age and why he didn’t attend school with them. She couldn’t tell them anything. Her family knew, but that was only because she was forced to.

She wanted to marry one day, have babies and a family of her own. She had never said she wanted any of that with Spike, but Spike wanted to be the one to give it to her. The idea that some other guy could come along and be with her tore him apart. Especially since he knew he couldn’t be the one to give her children. And how normal would her life be being married to a vampire? He couldn’t be selfish, he had told himself. She deserved to have that life. She deserved all the things she dreamed about and more. He became whatever she needed him to be. In the beginning their friendship had been blissful and without hindrance. Then, as she grew older and the demons kept coming and it seemed she had lost all hope for normalcy, their relationship shifted. She went to Spike for help and assistance. She saw him less as her friend and confidante. She put space between them and Spike had felt it acutely. And one day, she came back to him. She didn’t mention the distance she put between them, didn’t mention the guys she dated here and there. She just started up their friendship one day as if nothing had ever happened. He never asked why she did it, how she could do it---didn’t she know how much she meant to him? He just let her figure out his place in her life and accepted it. It was a far cry from the life he had led with Dru.

“I thought you might want to warn your girlfriend—“Willie came back.

Spike glared at him “she’s not my girlfriend, you wanker.”

“Is that what the whole problem is?’’

Spike stared at him. “What did you want again?”

“Vampire gang coming into town looking for her. They managed to off the Slayer in Chicago and now want a piece of the other ‘slayer’.”

“She’s not a damn Slayer!” Spike growled.

“Doesn’t matter to them. She kills their kind. That’s all they care about.”

If possible Spike’s blood ran colder. “They come in here ,you give them a message for me: They touch one hair on her pretty little head and they will be torn limb from limb and scattered all over this damn city. And Willie, you tell me the second you get word they’re in this town.”

Willie nodded, eyes wide. Then he studied Spike as the blond vampire struggled into his black jacket and grabbed his cigarettes. “What is she then?”
Spike looked up at him as he lit his cigarette. “My mate.” And he sauntered off, leaving a very confused Willie. Whether she wanted him or not, she was going to listen to him this time. Her life was in danger and her anger and resentment was not going to rule out over protecting herself properly. A Slayer was dead because of this gang. She was going to need his help and he was going to give it to her whether she liked it or not.

Spike sat outside her window. He knew his invitation must have been revoked by now, so it was useless to try. Instead, he opted to stay outside her window until dawn. Who knew when the gang had made their way to Boston. They had quite a trip in front of them, coming from Chicago, but Spike was not about to take any chances. He would protect her with his unlife.

Thanks guys for the reviews!! :) I'm glad you're enjoying reading it. I loved writing it.
Question: Can I post my B/A/S here? I thought that was against the Spuffy rules.

Chapter Five



“Come on Giles, you might even have fun,” Buffy pouted to her Priest.

Giles gave her a hard look. “I highly doubt it. What is so much fun about cavorting in a smoky, hot club filled with testosterone and estrogen at its highest capacity?”

Buffy frowned and turned to Giles. “Geez, when you put it that way, I don’t even want to go.”

Giles tried to hide a triumphant smile.

“Feeling passed!” She said brightly, suddenly. “Come on, maybe Olivia will be there.”

“What would a forty-year-old woman be doing in a club?”

“Trying not to be a stick in the mud? Having fun? Scoping out potential boyfriends? Getting drunk?”

“I get it, I get it. The possibilities are endless.”

“Please Giles? I don’t want to be stuck inside forever because of him. Just come with me, please?”

“Am I to escort you every night? I want to help you, you know I do. I just don’t see how I can be your personal bodyguard every time the sun goes down.”

Buffy sighed and sat down next to her old friend. “I know, Giles. You’re right, I know I can’t expect you to follow me around and protect me from him forever. Just…just until I’m sure I have a handle on this claim.”

Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “All right, Buffy.”

She threw her arms around him and he stiffened immediately. She frowned, that’s odd. Since when does Giles resist affection from me? Brushing it aside she bounded to her room to get ready.

“Buffy? Will you come here please?” Giles called to her after a while.

“Sure Giles, I’m just about ready!” She called back. She checked herself in the mirror. She smiled broadly. This might do the trick to help her forget everything that had happened over the past forty-nine hours. She looked good, and felt good. She wore black low-riders and a red sleeveless shirt with a high neck. It covered the marks left by Spike. She allowed her fingers to idly graze across the marks and gasped when she felt a tingle in her center. Arousal. Giles said it was an erotic experience. . . no. There was nothing erotic about it, she thought, bringing to mind the violent intrusion his fangs had done. As she made her way out of the room, she gave herself a pep talk to keep at bay all thoughts of Spike. She was going out with her friends to have fun tonight, not to dwell on Spike.

She felt it as soon as she entered the living room. The tingle in her neck that signaled his presence. There he was, sitting in a chair in the corner, eyes intently on her.

She looked accusingly at Giles. “You invited him in?!” She exclaimed, angrily.

Giles looked almost apologetic. Almost. “Yes, well, in this case, I had to. Spike has brought forth to my attention some very disturbing news.”

She looked at Spike and narrowed her eyes, “oh don’t tell me. He’s leaving the city? Moving across country?”

Spike smirked, only irritating her further. “Not likely, pet. You’ve got me whether you want me or not. For eternity.”

“Is that some mate thing? You and Dru were mates and you left—“

“Dru and I were never mated.”

She looked at him, confused. “You weren’t? Why not?”

Spike shrugged. “Didn’t want to.”

Buffy looked away from that implication. He’d spent over a century with Dru and didn’t feel the urge to mate with her. Her, he’d known her for nine years and wanted to claim her. The implication was there should she decide to acknowledge it. She chose not to.

She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “What do you want?”

He stood and made his way closer to her. He stopped when she started to back away. Regret passed over his features and she felt a small ripple of victory pass through her.

“I was at Willie’s last night. Got some information about a vampire gang that offed the Slayer in Chicago. Rumor has it, they’re gunning for you next.”

Buffy stared at him. Threats against her life was something she never got used to.

“Me? Why me? Why not wait for the next Slayer to come?”

Spike moved closer, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” His voice was deep and full of promise. It caused her to shiver. He meant every word and she almost felt herself move to him to embrace him. She wanted him to protect her just as he had done before. But, she stopped herself as the tingling in her neck reminded her of what he’d done.

She balled her hands into fists at her side. “That’s rich, coming from you.” She balked at him.

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Sure sign that she’d annoyed him. Then he looked directly at her, his blue eyes dark and serious with their intent. “I know you’re angry with me right now—“

“Angry with you? There are not words to—“

“But,” he shouted above her, stopping her. “I am still going to protect you. And no, not just because you’re my mate. I protected you before and I will continue to do so. You being my mate does weigh heavily in this case, I won’t lie to you. It is in my blood to protect you. I know you’re still angry with me, but in lieu of what’s coming up, I think it would be best if you let me in.”

She sighed heavily and looked away. Silence ensued until Giles cleared his throat.

“I think in this case, with a very real threat against your life, you would do best to listen to Spike,” Giles told her softly. She looked at him with wide-eyes and Spike bit back a smile.

She looked stubbornly at Spike, “fine. Do you know anything else about them aside from the fact that they’re coming?”

“The Slayer was killed three days ago. Which means they are well on their way. Being vampires it’ll probably take sometime for them to arrive here.”

“Yeah, like a month,” she muttered and plopped down on the sofa.

“Don’t underestimate them though, luv.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Right. Remember how I used to drive around with tinted windows?”

“You mean windows covered with black paint with just a small spot to see the road,” she let out a short laugh. Then stopped herself. Giles took a seat by her. He took her hands in his, and Spike had to stop the growl erupting from him.

“We’ll be prepared for them. We’ll begin with protection spells. I’ll see if I can find where they are now, specifically. Magically, there are precautions we can take.”

“Kali, protection spells and of course stakes,” Buffy said absently. Her mind was already working on what could be done that she didn’t notice Spike sit on the edge of the sofa next to her. “Do we know where they’re from?” She asked Spike, looking up at him, “how many there are?”

“They are Southern. A gang that calls themselves the Cowboy Trio. They don’t have much of a purpose aside from killing the Slayer and anyone else that defeats demons. They must be feeling pretty lucky having killed the Slayer so my guess is with them gunning for you, they’re cocky. Which will make them slip up eventually. The Watcher I talked to doesn’t know too much about them. Nothing in the books. Which means that while they might be master vampires, the group they’ve formed hasn’t been around for very long.”

“Did you talk to the Slayer’s Watcher?” She asked quietly, looking at her hands.

“I did. She’s mourning. She expressed her concern for you.”

Buffy nodded. “What do you do in cases like that? Send a sympathy card? Doesn’t seem appropriate. Does she have any information on where the next Slayer is being called?”

“Not yet. She told me she’d keep me informed.”

She jumped up suddenly and faced the men. “Well, I suppose dancing is out of the question tonight. Giles, why don’t you work on the locating them and Spike and I will work on the protection spells?”

Giles raised an eyebrow at her, but she didn’t notice it. She set to work, going to Giles’ magical supplies closet with Spike in tow. Wordlessly they grabbed the necessary items having done this time and again before. Giles retreated to his bedroom.

“You could still go dancing when we’re done,” Spike told her.

She sighed, “I guess. Doesn’t seem right after what I’ve learned about the Slayer.”

“You still have to live your life. Are you scared?”

“I shouldn’t be. My life has been threatened before hasn’t it? Why should now be any different?”

“It’s not something you should ever get used to, Buffy.”

“Well, it’s no good to let your guard down. Because once you do…” Subconciously she rubbed her neck.

Spike was filled with all consuming regret. Her message, whether she meant it that way or not, was clear. Her guard was down with him and he’d hurt her. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t want it to be that way. I never wanted to hurt you.”

She looked at him. “Only protect me, right?” She snorted. “You protect me from all the evils in the world, now and in the past. But, I never thought I’d need protection from you, Spike.”

“I know I hurt you, but it came from a place of love. I know that’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true—“

“Love? How can you say that?”

“Because you have to know that what I feel for you is beyond ‘protector’ and friend. You have to know that I lo—“
“Just stop, Spike. I don’t want to talk about this with you right now. Despite the fact that I want to deny your help, I know that I can’t. I have every reason to mistrust you right now, so I’m sorry if that upsets your plans and your precious feelings—“

“Yes, what I did was brutal. Yes, what I did was wrong and I expect you to hate me right now and to mistrust me. But, you know, you’re not entirely innocent either. You lied to me—for a year! You had your family and your friends lie to me as well! I should mistrust you just as much.”

“So it’s my fault that you bit me? Because I went away and didn’t tell you my every move you decided that gave you the right to bite me?” She shouted at him.

“No, I know that was no excuse for what I did. But I can’t take it back. We need to move on from what’s been done and try to fix it.”

“Except there is no way to fix it, Spike. You claimed me, Spike! It’s not like you just bit me, you claimed me. That’s forever!”

“Are you two quite done?” Giles rushed down the stairs, exasperated.

“Sorry, Giles. Did we interrupt you?” Buffy asked.

“No, thankfully not. They are in Philadelphia. Which means at the rate they are traveling it should be at least another three days. Have you done any work in your protection?”

The pair hung their head.

“Right. I’ll take over from here. Your negativity will do no good for me here. Take a couple stakes, Spike and some crystals. Go do your…dancing.”

“Giles!” Buffy exclaimed.

Giles looked darkly at Spike. “If you harm her in any way, I will destroy you.”

“Not anymore, Rupert.” Spike promised quietly.

Angry, Buffy grabbed her coat and rushed out the door, hoping to lose Spike. She forgot about his vampire speed for a moment.

“Hey now, luv, you remember Rupert’s instructions. I’m to go with you.” He smirked at her as she looked up at him, indignantly.

“Since when do you listen to anything ‘Rupert’ says?”

“When it comes to your safety,” he told her solemnly.

“So, if he had told you not to ever bite me, would you have listened?” She challenged him.

“What did you have in mind for tonight? You mentioned something about dancing?”

She sighed and looked away. “I don’t feel like dancing right now.”

“What do you feel like?”

“I want to do something for the Slayer. Her name was Elizabeth, wasn’t it?”

Spike nodded. As much as he was saddened that the Slayer had died, he couldn’t help but be comforted in the idea that it was her instead of Buffy. Because Buffy wasn’t considered a Slayer, she had more of a fighting chance. For that, Spike was endlessly grateful.

“What did you want to do, pet?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know and don’t call me that,” she began walking slowly. They walked for several minutes in silence. Spike kept sneaking glances at her. He could feel her sadness and guilt over the Slayer coming off of her.

“Don’t feel guilty over it. There’s nothing you could have done.” He tried to assure her.

“I know…well, no, I don’t. I mean, if I was there with her—“

“Then you could be dead too right now.” He shuddered at the thought.

“Or we could both still be alive.”

“You’re not meant to be in the same place. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. Your duty is here.”

“Except it’s not really a duty, is it Spike? I mean, I slay like a Slayer. I fight demons like a Slayer. I do all the functions of a Slayer except I’m not one. I’m just a girl with powers.”

“So is the Slayer.”

“No, she’s chosen. It’s her destiny to be a Slayer. No one’s ever told me what my destiny was. So, here I am, fighting the forces of evil without being asked. I have all these powers that separate me from my friends and my family—even from Giles.

When I was a little girl I planned my wedding. Knew what kind of dress I wanted, knew what kind of man I wanted and everything. I had everything planned down to the car I would drive. Then came the day that I could move things by looking at them and thinking about it. Or blow on a candle and the flame would appear. When I met with Giles I learned that every spell I did, worked. Everything happened so fast and suddenly, there I was, with all these powers and my dreams fading further and further away. Children are supposed to hold on to their dreams and make them come true. Not wonder how much time they’ll have before they die at the hands of a demon.

So, in a sense, yeah, I am like the Slayer. Fighting for my life, protecting my loved ones. And I’m sad that she’s dead. How old was she? Sixteen? I killed my first demon at sixteen. I’m twenty-six and I’m still alive. And while I’m so sorry that she’s dead, I can’t help but feel happy that it’s her and not me. Except now, they’re gunning for me. A nobody. And I could have the same end all because of my powers.” Tears flowed freely from her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. She hadn’t wanted to fall apart. Not in front of Spike.

Spike stopped and gently took her wrists lightly in his grasp. She tried to pull away, but he pleaded with her with his eyes and words. “Please, listen to me.”

“Just let me go,” she told him.

He dropped her wrists.

“Just listen to me,” he commanded softly.

She looked up at him. She saw tears in his own eyes, but instinctively knew they weren’t for the dead Slayer. They were for her.

“What?” She pressed when all he did was gaze at her with so much tenderness and love it made her heart jump.

“I’m glad too. I’m glad that you’re alive instead of her. You’re not a nobody, Buffy. You couldn’t be even if you tried. You are somebody and just because those bloody wankers don’t recognize the fight that you do every night, and every day, then that’s their issue. Because of you, Boston is a safer place at night.

When Whistler took me to you, I saw someone I wanted to defend and protect with my life. I saw your heart, I saw your strength, your love and your kindness. I see how you hurt and yet try again. I see how you never give up on the ones you love and how loyal you are. You’re not ‘normal’ Buffy. You’re normal in the fact that you can be a right bitch when you want to be, and can be bloody stupid when it comes to your choice in men—but, you’re special. You’re a Goddess wrapped up in a very human girl.

It’s a rot deal, what you’ve got. But it makes you stand out, makes you shine. Gives you the chance to show the world how much heart and soul you have. And you’re full of it. Not because you’re chosen, but because you’re not chosen. You could choose to walk away from fighting the good fight, but you don’t. You stay and you try and you fight. That’s what makes me want to stay by your side, that’s what makes me want to be here with you no matter what.”

She held back a sob at his beautiful words as guilt once again took over. “And when I ran away to England? How was that trying? I gave up, I left and let everyone else—you—pick up the slack for me. Could I have killed one less demon that the Slayer wouldn’t have had to? Could I have saved her strength by killing one more demon that she wouldn’t have had to kill? I was selfish, not loving and caring. I wanted so badly to be normal that I gave up and left. There’s nothing extraordinary about me.”

He reached out to wipe away her tears but she flinched. He dropped his hands. “No,” he told her passionately. “You didn’t give up. You told me yourself you still practiced magic to keep everyone safe. You came back, you’re still fighting. You’re a human girl with very human feelings and needs. No one blames you for leaving and no one blames you for the Slayer’s death. If anything they are happy just as I am that it’s her and not you.”

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “I hate them all, Spike. I hate them all and I just want them all to die,” she sobbed.

“I know, luv, and I want them all to die for you.”

“And you did blame me! You told me I abandoned everyone!” She suddenly burst out through her tears. “You think I’m selfish.”

He shook his head adamantly. “I was angry and hurt—“

“But you didn’t think it while I was gone?”

”If I had known that you were keeping in touch with your family instead of dropping out of their lives as I’d been left to believe, then no, I wouldn’t have thought you selfish. I would have supported you.”

“Oh come on Spike. Tell me I’m selfish and that it was my fault she died. Tell me I should have stayed here instead of running away. Tell me that I don’t have a heart—“

“It’s not true! If you didn’t have a heart you wouldn’t be here right now feeling so guilty about a Slayer you barely knew!”

Silence fell and even though he didn’t need to breathe, Spike sighed heavily to calm himself. “It was my penance, wasn’t it?” She whispered.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“You biting me. It was my penance for not facing up to my responsibilities, for those vampires killing the Slayer, for leaving everyone. That’s what I got for trying to leave it all behind. And these vampires coming for me. That’s my penance for not sticking around to help the Slayer.”

“No, no, no! Those vampires coming for you are not your penance.” He grabbed her arms and made her look at him. This time, she didn’t fight. “Don’t you dare let them kill you because you think this is your fault. Don’t you dare put yourself on the line because you think you deserve it for what happened to the Slayer! You couldn’t have prevented it no matter where you were. Vampires come out of the woodwork to kill the Slayer. Demons that pass through here are by chance. Demons that are near the Slayer are not. They have a purpose: To kill the Slayer. You couldn’t have prevented it.”

His eyes grew softer then, and his grasp, softer too. “What I did was out of hurt and yes, anger. I missed you while you were gone and to know that you kept it all from me, that you tried to distance yourself from me…it killed me.” He tentatively brushed some hair away from her face almost reverently. “What I did, I did so that you couldn’t leave me again. So, that you would belong to me and I could stay by your side forever. Because I love you, I’ve always loved you and I wanted to keep you by my side. I was selfish, not you.”

Stray tears fell upon her cheeks at his words and he lightly brushed them away. She let him as she watched him, studying him. In the nine years she’d known him, she’d never known him to be anything but brutally honest and gentle with her. No matter how many times she’d avoided him, he’d always come back with arms wide open. She’d never imagined him to be the one to hurt her and it killed her to know that this time her pain was because of him. He’d always protected her and tried to keep harm from her. When she was hurting it was him she turned to. And now, she felt as if she had no one because he was the one who caused it. She pushed herself away from him gently and he hung his head. She knew he was crying and it tore her apart but she couldn’t bring herself to comfort him. Instead she found her voice.

“Spike…would you, would you come with me to the florist?”

His blond head shot up and he looked at her questioningly.

“I want to send some flowers to her family,” she told him.

He gave her a small smile, acknowledging the crumb she offered and nodded.

Silently, each lost in their own thoughts they made their way to the florist and ordered a dozen white flowers to be sent to the Slayer’s family. Then, Buffy grabbed a white candle and a votive holder. They went to the harbor and sat upon the grass and lit the candle in honor of the Slayer. Buffy sat, legs bent and hugging her legs in front of the ocean, just staring at it. Spike sat near her, the candle in between them and alternated between watching the waves and watching Buffy. They sat that way until it got too cold for her and he walked her back to Giles’.

“Thanks, Spike,” she told him softly in front of the door. Those were the first words spoken in two hours.

“I’ll be by tomorrow,” he informed her.

“I know.”

Chapter Six

FLASHBACK

“Are you serious?” He was shocked.

She moved away from his embrace. She was angry. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She was embarrassed.

He felt guilty. He hadn’t meant to make her feel embarrassed. He rushed to her and grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.”

“I can find my way back.”

“No, you can’t. You can’t find your way out of a paper bag with both ends open.”

Her eyes widened. Dammit Spike, he berated himself, keep your bloody mouth shut.

“You’re an ass!” She barked at him and started to leave again. He took her hand and brought her closer to him until she was back in his embrace. She stayed there, woodenly.

“It just surprised me is all. I mean, you’re…”cautious Spike. If you let on too much, you’ll freak her out. “Bloody gorgeous. How could you not have been kissed before?” And I’m glad, so glad. You’re untouched.

He looked at her and cupped her face in his hands. She looked at him in shock this time. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

He nodded, smiling tenderly.

“It’s not like I’ve really gone out all that much, ya know. I don’t really get a chance to date. I seem to spend a lot of time with a certain vampire.” She grinned at him.

He smiled and resisted the urge to kiss her right then and there. Everyday it was a little bit harder not to tell her he fell in love with her. Everyday it was a little bit harder not to give into his baser instincts and kiss her, hold her, love her wholly.

“So, you want me—to teach you?”

She nodded and then looked away, shyly. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to. I mean, I’m just a kid. You’ve been around, you—“

“I want to,” he told her honestly, almost breathlessly.

She blinked. “You do?”

He nodded. More than anything.

“Um, okay. S-so, what do I do?”

He was falling apart at the seams. He wanted to taste her so bad, he couldn’t think straight. She was looking at him expectantly.

“Lick your lips,” he instructed. He nearly groaned when her pink tongue came out and swept across her mouth. “Now, close your eyes.”

She closed them and he marveled at how much she trusted him. She knew all his stories, knew all about his presoul days and she still trusted him with her life. He was humbled by her on a daily basis. Everytime she graced him with a smile, every time she wanted his company when it had nothing to do with vampires or demons, every time she made him part of her family. She was his heaven.

He pressed his lips to hers and she jumped a bit. He continued, stroking a hand down her arm to calm her nerves. She relaxed and followed his lead. He moved his lips against hers and she instinctively imitated the action. When he swept his tongue across her lips, she immediately opened her mouth and he swept inside. He pushed at her tongue and she withdrew it. He sought it out and she moved it away again. It was duel with their mouths and Spike could feel himself grow more and more aroused as they continued. He knew he should stop, but he didn’t want to. He couldn’t seem to make himself. When she did, he would and not a moment before. She pulled back a second later, panting for air.

He watched her flushed cheeks and heaving chest and wondered how long until they could kiss again. He wanted to sink inside her and lose himself. If his heart was alive, it would leap out of his chest.

“Was I good?” She asked sheepishly.

He nodded, unable to find words.

“You mean that? You’re not just saying it?”

He shook his head. “N-no. You’re a natural.”

She smiled wide then. “Thank you Spike.”

She walked to his bike with a big smile on her face.

“Anytime,” he mumbled.

END FLASHBACK



Giles thoughtfully watched Buffy as she sipped her hot cocoa and ate her waffles. He’d been waiting up for her the night before, wondering what happened with her and Spike and found that she was not forthright in her answers.

“I know you’re wondering if he bit me last night, Giles. He didn’t.” She said without looking up from her breakfast.

Giles cleared his throat. “I expect you would have been shouting from the rafters if he had.” He attempted lightly.

She looked up at him then. “Are you angry with him Giles?”

Giles nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“Why?”

“That’s a silly question.”

“You still trust him.”

“I know he loves you. Despite how he did what he did, I know for him it was because he loves you.”

“So, it’s the fact that we didn’t have an erotic experience before he claimed me that has you bothered.”

Her bluntness shouldn’t have shocked him, but it still managed to after all these years. He coughed and took off his glasses to clean them. She smiled at his reaction.

“Well, like I told you before, when a vampire claims a mate it’s not on a whim, it’s not to gain control. It’s because they wholly love that person and want to spend their eternity with them. It’s rare for a vampire to claim a mortal, but Spike is a rare vampire. Always has been, from what I understand. I presume that’s why Whistler chose him to protect you. Whistler doesn’t just choose anyone. He knew you and Spike would work well together, he saw something in both of you that would work well together.”

“I’m sensing that there is more to this arrangement than Spike and I working well together. Giles…do you think Whistler wanted us to mate?”

Giles cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t rule out the possibility.”

“You know, you never really seemed all that surprised that he did it.”

“I always had a feeling he would do it one day,” Giles admitted softly.

She jumped up from her chair. “Why didn’t you tell me? Warn me? Did you want him to do it?”

“I didn’t have concrete proof that he would…what was I supposed to do? Deny his help to save your life based on my own feelings of mistrust? And no, I didn’t want him to do it! Why would I want that?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry Giles, I’ve just been questioning a lot of things lately. Motives…life.”

“You feel guilty about the Slayer?”

She rolled her eyes and hopped off her chair. She put her dish in the dishwasher and turned to him. “Is part of being British being psychic as well?”

Giles smiled. “I am psychic to an extent Buffy, you know that. Be that as it may, I also happen to know you well.”

“Yeah, well, I’m working through the guilt.”

“You can’t be held responsible for what happened—“

“What protection spells were you able to put together last night?”

Giles stared at her. “I presume you’re done talking about it then?”

“Yes, all done. All talked out about it. Spent the better half of last night talking about it with Spike. I should write an article. ‘You know you’re not normal when…’ and at the top of the list will be ‘you seek counsel from a vampire.’”

Giles grinned, “I rather think you should put ‘you know a vampire’ as number one.”

Buffy laughed and Giles smiled widely. It was a sound he hadn’t heard much in the past couple days. He’d missed it.

“I’ve been thinking I should go home today and protect the fam. Just need to know what kind of work we need to do.”

“This house has been protected as well as the uh, ‘fam’. The only work left to do is on you and Spike.”

“And you, Giles.”

“The house should suffice.”

“You too, Giles.” She insisted.

He shot her a quick smile and nodded briefly. “Yes, if you insist.”

“I do.”

“I suppose you should go home, however. Check in and let them all know you are in fact all in one piece.”

“I know, I know, I know. I’m on the way. You don’t mind, though, if I—“

“You can stay as long as you need, Buffy. You know that.”

She smiled broadly. “Thanks, Giles.” And with that she bounded off.

Spike was right in his assumption. He did love her with his whole heart and would do anything to protect her. The point of the matter was, however, Giles knew it was useless to hope and dream. Whether she knew it or not, she had always belonged to Spike and he had always belonged to her. When Spike accused him of loving her, he had at first felt frozen and outraged by his find. But, that had given way to acceptance and understanding. He accepted his place in her life and held onto it; it was the lot that had been carved out for him. It was fruitless to wish and want for more. He’d always be her mentor and friend, her spiritual advisor and a father figure. The only wish and want he had now was for the lost couple to make amends and do right by each other.

Yep, Giles was a little jealous. I was toying with something there, then changed my mind. Thanks for the reviews!


Chapter Seven

Buffy endured hours of her mother badgering her about her sudden departure, about Spike, about her safety, about Giles and whatever else she could come up with to complain about. After a while, she found it difficult to listen.

“Mom, I love you, but I have things to do.”

“When am I going to see you again?”
“I don’t know, mom. I’ll be by in a few days.” She stopped then. The Slayer must have said something along the same lines as she went out to slay. She turned to her mother then and hugged her, hard.

“I’m not Spike, honey, that hug hurts.” Her mother complained.

“Sorry, mom.” She looked at her mother. “Mom, I love you. You know that, right?”

“I do, honey. Are you sure you’re all right? I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I’m good mom, I really am.”

“How’s Spike? Has he been taking care of you?”

Buffy nodded, biting her lip.

“I worry about you with all the vampires and demons…I never know when and if you’re going to come home in one piece.”

“I know, mom. I promise not to worry you anymore. There is some work I have to do though. Just make sure you don’t go out at night for a while okay?”

“Honey, what is going on?”

“I can’t tell you, you know that. Just promise me okay?”


Her mother looked so sad and worn. “I promise.”

She hugged her mother fiercely again and smiled encouragingly at her. “I love you mom. Just…remember that okay?”

“Honey you’re scaring me,” her mother looked about ready to cry.
“Everything is fine, I just think I don’t say that enough.” She tried to keep her tone light and smiled at her mother brightly. “I have to go now, mom. Spike must be getting ready to come look for me at Giles’.”

“Okay, honey. Call me tomorrow.”

“I will, mom.”

Buffy let some of her tears flow after leaving her mother’s house. She’d never taken the time to tell her mother how much she loved her in the past like that. It was scary what death threats made you think about what you were taking from granted.

Spike sighed heavily as he put on his duster. It was almost sundown, finally. He’d been climbing the walls all day. Not much on the telly, he’d read all his books and he’d done as much research he could on the new vampire gang. All the information given to him the day before, was all he had. In between all of that, he’d thought of nothing but Buffy. He could will her to come to him if he wanted to use the claim, but he knew she would not react kindly to that.
The night before had been a breakthrough for them and he felt their bond strengthen. She’d allowed him to be there for her, she’d released her fears and her anger and all he wanted to do was hold her until all the evils in the world went away. He’d spent a century with Dru and he’d never felt one ounce of what he felt for his beloved Buffy. He would literally die for her if she asked him to.
He paused. She was close by. He could smell her coming. The distinct scent of raspberries and something uniquely her.
She knocked on his door. He had to smile. After everything they’d been through, she felt the need to knock.

“Come in, luv,” he called out, a smile on his lips.

She opened the door and looked at him curiously. “Smell me again?”

He nodded and chuckled.

“Would you still know it was me if say, I didn’t shower for a week and rolled around in the mud?”

He laughed, “I would still know it was you.”

She plopped down on his couch. “I’m not going to lie to you, Spike. It’s weird.”

“You’ve been to your mothers?”

“Smell her on me did ya?”

He nodded. “How is she? I haven’t stopped by since…” Since I made you mine, he thought.

She looked away from him and frowned for a minute. “She’s fine. Worried about me, as usual. I hugged her a lot and told her I loved her.”

He looked at her sternly. “You’re not going to die, Buffy.”

She looked up at him, “I know. Well, sort of. Anyway, Spike, I need you to train with me a bit.” She stood and faced him. He studied her rosy cheeks and bright green eyes, her full lips and the small frame underneath her heavy coat. God, he loved her.

“Train? You mean, spar?”

“Yeah, that…plus, I was thinking we could take a walk in the cemetery together. Kill some vamps and whatnot. You could give me some pointers and help me hone my skills in sensing them. I can’t use you anymore to train me on that.” She let her voice trail off at the last sentence as she subconsciously rubbed her neck.

Right, the bite. “Have you been training at all, luv? Maybe we should warm up a bit before heading out?”

“I suppose. But, I don’t really have a whole lot of time to ‘warm up’. I trained a little when I was in London. Byron found a tae kwon do place—“

“Who’s Byron?”

“Oh, just some guy I met in London. He lived next door to me. He was very nice, very sweet.”

Jealousy bubbled inside of Spike. “Oh really? So, that’s why you didn’t want old Spike interfering. Afraid I’d deter your precious Byron?” He sneered.

She wrapped her arms around herself and burrowed deeper into her turtleneck and he caught fear in her eyes. Beneath his jealous addled brain he cursed himself. She was afraid he’d bite her again.

“That’s my cue to go,” she murmured and scurried toward the door. He ran with lightening speed at her and she turned suddenly surprising him and sent her leg out in a roundhouse kick. It sent him flying across the room.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” She told him through clenched teeth. He looked up at her in shock.

“Buffy, I wasn’t going to bite you.” He told her, getting to his feet.

“Just in case you’re thinking about it.”

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“So then use your words, Spike. God, I feel like I’m talking to a toddler!” She shouted at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

She folded her arms across her chest. “So, what did you want to say to me?”

That you belong to me. That Byron better be a faint memory. That I love you. Somehow he didn’t think she’d go for any of that.

“I don’t know anymore,” he sighed.

“I’m ready to put this little incident behind us and move on to business.” She told him and started for the door. She turned then and looked at him directly. “And not that it’s any of your business, despite the claim, but Byron is a seventy-year-old sweet, old man. If you want to even try to get back in my good graces, you’re going to have to learn to check your jealousy at the door.”

“Luv?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes?”

“I think you’ve warmed up enough.”

She bit back the ghost of a smile and Spike knew better than to let on he saw it. She turned on heel and walked out the door. Spike scrambled after her.

Chapter Eight

FLASHBACK

“Stop swinging!” He shouted when she swung at his fake and he ended up grabbing her and swinging her around so that her back was against his chest.

“Oh yeah?” She grabbed his arm and flipped him over onto his back and then used the plastic stake and poised it over his chest. She dropped it by his side and smiled smugly at him.

He couldn’t help but chuckle. He propped himself up on his elbows.

“Spike, what did you do last night?”

“I went out, why?”

“Did you have a date?”

He shook his head, “no, why?”
She shrugged. “Anya thought she saw you coming out of a strip club.”

“I wouldn’t take a date to a strip club,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I know, but I figured I’d give you a way out.”

He jumped up and grinned. “Well, Anya was right.”

“You were at a strip club?”

He raised his eyebrows, “do you not remember going to one with Faith and Anya? I remember hearing something about thongs and Purple Rain.”

She let out a laugh, “yeah.” Her eyes got a far away look of remembrance.

“So, how is it that I’m getting beef for going to one?”

“Because it’s different.” She protested.

“How?” He challenged.

“Because women strippers are worse. They get completely naked and let you fondle and grope. They get all touchy feely with themselves. They’re pigs and I don’t like the idea of you going to see them!”

Could she be jealous? Please!

“Well, I’ll have you know that they did not get completely naked, I did not fondle and grope and they did not get touchy feely with themselves. Not that it’s any of your business if I do decide to see them. That’s kind of a double standard, don’t you think?”

She looked down. “I guess.” She kicked at imaginary dust on the floor. “You are a man. Men do that sort of thing.”

“As do women. Listen, luv. A friend of mine blew into town and he just broke up with his girl. He wanted to go out and see strippers.”

She looked up at him. “A vampire?”

He nodded, “with a soul.”

“I just got all Slayery on you, didn’t I?”

“Little bit.”

“I didn’t mean to get all…weird. You have every right to see strippers if you want to. It’s just…some are skanky. I don’t equate you with skank. I’m…protective of you. You’re my best friend. You always look out for me, and I know it’s your job to protect me and all that, but I want to protect you too.”

He swore his heart was going to start beating. “Thank you, pet. That means a lot to me.”

She nodded. “Okay, I’m done with that Hallmark moment.”

He laughed and then sobered. “You do know that you’re not just a job to me, don’t you?”

“Well, it is your job to—“

“No, pet. Whistler gave me a choice if I wanted to do it. After I met you, I made my choice.”

“Why? I mean, you could be traveling the world, living the un-life.”

He shrugged, “I’ve seen the world pet. I’ve had my share of living the un-life. This is the best I’ve had it.”

She didn’t look like she believed him.

“I’ve got a family here,” he told her. His voice dropped with raw emotion.

She smiled at him. “That you do. A bratty little sister to boot.”

“Sister?”

She rolled her eyes, “me, who else?”

“Of course, pet.” He forced a smile. Never his sister.

“So, can I tell you what you’ve been doing wrong when we spar?” She chirped far too eagerly.

Bratty, definitely.

END FLASHBACK



“You’ve got to hone your senses, luv. Feel it in your gut. Let’s try again. Close your eyes and try to anticipate my move.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. She breathed deep in her gut and shifted her focus from her head to her stomach. She reached out with her senses to feel him. She listened and waited. She felt an arm come close and she swung out, blocking him.

“Good, pet, good,” he whispered.

Leg coming close and she blocked it, round housing his leg away. Sensing him behind her, she spun, blocked, punched and kicked. He fell down with a ‘oof’. Her eyes flew open and saw him sprawled out on his back.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked.

He smiled at her. “I’m fine, luv. Vampire healing and all that.”

She nodded. “How’d I do?”

“Perfect. Help me up?”

Without thinking she reached out her hand and he took it. Instead of rising however, he pulled her down. She landed on him with an ‘oof’ and he started to chuckle.

“You’re a jerk,” she muttered.

“I know,” he shrugged. “Come on, I’ll help you up.” He started to get up, but quick as a cat she straddled him and flipped his arms up over his head. She smirked at him.

“Gotcha,” she said victoriously, her head bent close to his. She felt a tingle shoot through her at his close proximity and she found herself staring shamelessly at his lips. She made her eyes move away and found his eyes watching her.

His gaze met hers and there was no mistaking the look in his eyes: Desire.

She gasped as his bite began to ache almost to the point where she actually wanted him to bite it to make it go away.

“Spike,” she whispered, disconcerted.

“Yes, luv?”

“It—it’s aching.”

He groaned beneath her and ground his pelvis into hers. “I know.” He whispered. She jumped at the contact when she felt his very hard erection pressing against her.

“I don’t—how does it—make it stop,” she begged him.

“There’s only one way, kitten.” Somehow he had maneuvered her hands off of his wrists and entangled their hands together. He reached up and nuzzled her neck.

That was the wrong thing to do. Memories of how the first bite hurt took away all words Giles had used to describe it. Erotic was not how it felt the first time. She pushed herself off him and stood with lightening speed.

Then she did the unexpected. She burst into tears. Christ, why did she have to go and do that? Didn’t she know how much that hurt him?

“Buffy,” he said, softly, standing up quickly and reaching for her.

“Just don’t.” She told him, holding out her arm to stop him.

“I’m so tired,” she wept.

He wasn’t sure where she was going with that. Metaphorically or physically? Mentally or emotionally? He stood rooted where he was. Despite his intuitive nature, he was still a man that was clueless with a woman. Especially with the woman he loved.

“I just don’t know what to do. I want to…but I can’t. I feel it and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m so confused. I want you to tell me what to do, and yet I don’t,” she was mumbling to him and to herself.

This time he succeeded in pulling her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest. “It’s all right, luv,” he whispered to her.

She shook her head, “but it’s not okay,” she whimpered, burrowing closer to him. He bent his head so that his lips were near her ear.

“What do you feel?” He whispered.

“Whenever you’re close by, I feel you around me, near me, surrounding me. My neck goes crazy and I just want you to…”

“Bite.”

She looked up at him. This time she did not move away, she stayed where she was. In his arms. She looked desperate. He studied her, trying to convey that whatever she needed and wanted, he would give to her.

“Spike…when did you…?”

He smiled softly, “immediately. With the risk of sounding clichéd, when I laid eyes on you.”

“I was seventeen.”

“I’m also two hundred and five years older than you. Everyone born in this century is jail bait.”

She chuckled and buried her face back in his neck again. He rested his cheek on her head. Sometimes, she just needed to be held.

“Am I anything like Drusilla?”

She was comparing herself to Dru now? Yes, she definitely was complex.

“Nothing like her. Except for the strength. Dru didn’t have a soul. She could be heartless and cruel. She loved to torture her victims. She loved me, sure, but only as much as she could for one so fragile. She was insane, quite literally.”

“Was she pretty?”

Spike smiled at the memory of his Dark Princess. “She was.”

“If you lost your soul, would you go back to her?”

“I doubt it, pet. Soul or no soul, you’re still my mate. The demon recognizes that and he loves you. Whether I lose it or not, he’ll still love you. Vampires don’t leave their mate.”

“Ever?”

“Not ever, pet.”

“You tied yourself to me for eternity. I knew that, but I never grasped it. Do you regret it? Do you wish you could be free of me?”

He bent down and whispered in her ear, making sure she understood every word. “I only regret hurting you and the way I did it. I do not regret claiming you. I don’t regret binding myself to you forever. It’s what I wanted for so long, pet.”

“So, you’re saying you would have preferred my consent, and while you’re regretful that it was done with such brutality, you don’t regret the end results of that which means I belong to you?”

“Right. You forget one thing, pet.”

“What?” She looked up at him, her green eyes questioning. He smiled tenderly at her. He pushed a stray strand of hair away from her beautiful, shining face and traced her jawline with his finger. Her skin was so smooth, he wanted to explore every inch of her.

“I belong to you too,” he said simply, gently.

“But I thought that I would have to…bite you.”

He shook his head, movements small and unassuming. “It would seal it further, yes. We’d be united in ways that no one could touch. But biting you made me yours as well. It’s my mark, my bite. Your blood is inside of me now, coursing through my veins. Your essence, your vitality, your life. It binds me to you as well. But luv…I already did belong to you. You knew that, didn’t you?”

She bit her lip and looked away. “I didn’t. I thought maybe a few times, but I just didn’t think…”

“Think what?” He urged.

“That you’d want me.” She burrowed her face again.

He was stunned. She didn’t think--? How could she not know? Had she been completely blind?

“How could you not know that?” He murmured against her hair. “How did you not know that you’re my world? You’re everything to me. All I need, all I want, all I desire and cherish, love and adore all in one woman.”

“When you say things like that, you make me dizzy,” she whispered.

He left a kiss on her head, “you make me dizzy too, you know.”

She looked up at him again, “Spike…you’ve been with a lot of women haven’t you?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question. She really wanted to know.

“I was faithful to Dru. That time with her, I wasn’t with anyone.”

“After Dru? Post-soul?”

“Post-soul…I was with a few. Nothing serious, nothing I remember. Mostly to satisfy a physical craving. Then, I met you.”

“Are you saying you haven’t been with any women since you met me?”

“Nope, haven’t. Haven’t you figured out yet that I’m loyal to those I love?”

Hiding her face again, she sighed. “You know that I…I’ve never…”

“I know luv,” he murmured in her ear.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” she muttered.

“Are you cold, sweetheart?”

“A little.”

“Why don’t we go to my place?”

Her head shot up, “I don’t know, Spike. Giles—“

“Has a phone and I can call him. I want to talk to you, sweetheart. You have questions, concerns…I want to help suss them out.”

She nodded her assent and he took her hand, entwining her fingers with his. She didn’t protest and he marveled at yet another step. He missed this, just the talking, connecting, exploring. When she had been gone for that year, he’d been utterly miserable. He’d missed his angel so much. He watched her as they walked to his apartment. Watched her deep in thought and he wondered what other questions and thoughts were swirling around in that mind of hers. He was happy they were talking, it was better than her taking off and leaving him or them yelling at each other. If they had just done more of that before, maybe she would never have had to leave.

“Race you,” she said suddenly as she detangled her fingers from his and took off on a run.

He laughed and sprinted after her, his duster flapping in the wind. This was the metaphor of their entire relationship. He was always chasing after her and she always remained just out of his grasp. He wondered if he would ever catch her, and if she would ever stop running.

He trailed after as she ran up the stairs to his apartment and he grabbed her around the waist. She squeeled as he hauled her over his shoulder and unlocked his door. Shutting the door with his foot, he placed her down. Her cheeks were red, her blond hair wind-blown and she was slightly panting. She was beaming and he wanted badly to kiss her. He couldn’t though. The first time he kissed her it was brutal, the second was quick and the third, hard. He seemed to bollocks every kiss. Besides, he didn’t want to ruin this moment with her by trying to make a move.

“Call Giles. I’ll be right back.”

Instinctively he knew she was going to use the bathroom and he did as she instructed and called Giles.

“Where the hell have you two been?” Giles shouted into the phone.

“We did some training, and a little bit of patrolling. We’re at my place now.”

“Oh?”

“We’re talking, Rupert, that’s all. I’m not about to do anything stupid with her.”

“Don’t push her for anything, Spike and you should be all set.”

“Thanks, Rupert. We may or may not be coming round tonight.”

“Just take care of her.”

“Always.”

She came back in the room, practically skipping. “Did he yell?”
“A little. Nothing I couldn’t handle, pet.”

She wandered around the living room. “You moved it around,” she murmured. “Hey, where did you get this?” She held up a framed photo of them before she had left. Before he knew she was leaving. It was Halloween and she was dressed up as Wonder Woman. He’d done his usual black upon black. Nevertheless, her mother made them pose together. She was beaming and he had his usual smirk.

“Your mum gave it to me after you…after you left for England.”

She placed it back down with an “oh.”

“Did you want something to drink, luv?”

She smiled at him teasingly, “since when do you play host? I know where the kitchen is Spike. How many times have I been here?”

“You haven’t been here in over a year actually.”

Her smile fell. “I know.” She sat down on his couch and her smile returned. She loved the times when they would sit on the couch and watch TV for hours. She’d made him watch the Thursday night lineup and while he grumbled at first, soon he was laughing alongside her. She looked up at him.

“Sit with me?”

He didn’t have to be asked twice. He sat next to her on the couch and waited.

She began to toy with the pillow on his couch, settling it in her lap and playing with the fabric. “You know I wrote you a lot when I was away.”

“You did?”

She nodded, “I never sent them, obviously. But I did write you. I missed you.”

“Didn’t feel like you did,” he couldn’t help the bitterness that escaped.

She bit her lip and nodded. “Well, I did.”

Silence fell and if it weren’t for his enhanced vampire hearing he never would have heard her ever-so-silent apology.

“What?” He asked, not because he hadn’t heard, but because he was in shock that she’d said it.

“I’m sorry. I have a hard time saying it, but I’m sorry.” She didn’t look at him, she stared straight ahead.

“Don’t leave me again,” he said softly.

“I don’t think I could. I wanted to leave again after you bit me. I knew I couldn’t though.”

He shook his head. “I’d find you.”

“I know,” she sighed then. “What did you do while I was gone?”

“Patrolled, visited your family, drank. Visited Giles now and then too. Missed you, missed you and missed you.”

“Spike, could we watch TV? Like we used to?”

“We can do anything you wish, my love.”

He flicked the TV on and found some late night reruns of Friends. Instantly, she curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her, inhaling her scent and resting his head against on hers. This was how it was meant to be. His witch nestled in his arms watching TV. There was enough normalcy in it to content her and all of what he needed at that moment to content him.

Thanks for the feedback guys!! :) Please keep it coming.

Chapter Nine

FLASHBACK
He flung the door open to find a tear stained Buffy. Instinctively he reached for her and wrapped his arms around her. He hadn’t seen much of her in two weeks. Giles told him she had started dating some ponce named Parker. He was in her English class or some rot like that. They had been talking for a while and studied together. Now, they were dating. Spike tried his best to accept it and not let it bother him. He thought that maybe if he pretended it didn’t bother him, it wouldn’t. Truth was he was so jealous he couldn’t see straight. He kept revisiting their kiss and it drove him mad to think of some grubby git kissing her.

“What happened, pet?”

“I got dumped,” she wailed against him.

“Parker?”

She nodded. “I saw him making out with some chick from class. Turns out he was looking to get laid and I wasn’t putting out so I got the boot.”

He inwardly sighed with relief. She didn’t have sex with him. She was still a virgin. That fact about her made him even more protective of her.

“He’s a fool. If you want, I could scare him.”

She chuckled a bit against him. “No.”

He pulled back and made her look at him. “You don’t sound convinced.”

“Because I’m not,” she admitted.

He smiled and kissed her forehead gently. “You’re a Goddess. He’s a peon.”

“I know. It just sucks. I mean I felt like a normal girl. I got all giddy and excited. I got butterflies in my tummy! Butterflies, Spike. I don’t know that I’ve ever had butterflies!”

“You’ll get butterflies again,” he promised. He studied her thoughtfully. “You sure it wasn’t the butterflies you liked and not so much him?”

“He read to me. I liked that.”

“Christ, I can read to you!”

She started to laugh as he pulled her into the living room and made her sit on the couch. He searched through his bookcase until he found Byron, whom he knew she loved.

“What shall I read? She walks in Beauty?”

She shook her head. “No, read Don Juan. You have sarcasm down to an art form. It’s my favorite and I always thought you would read it very well.”

He looked at her. “You thought about me reading to you?”

“Well, I mean you have the whole English accent thing. You were alive during the Romantics. I think Romantics, hell, I think British lit and I think you. You’re so smart and you always help me with my literature. You make me love it even more.”

He smiled proudly. “Thank you, pet.”

“You’re way smarter than Parker anyway. And your voice is soothing compared to his.” She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. Was he floating? He sure felt like he was.

END FLASHBACK


Buffy felt something move under her and she moaned, willing it to stop. She tried moving away from it, but instead it pulled her closer and purred. Her eyes popped open. Spike. Her eyes drifted shut as she remembered the night before. Kicking him, patrolling, training, dancing—briefly, jealousy, crying, talking, watching tv, falling asleep. No wonder she didn’t quite feel like getting up yet. And Spike’s purring…it was lulling her into a trance. It was a good thing he didn’t need to breathe or she’d be crushing him. And it was amazing to her that she felt this relaxed sleeping on top of him. He didn’t feel cold at all, he felt warm. She supposed from her body heat. She nestled closer against him.

The night before had been therapeutic. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore. It had disturbed her on so many levels to fear him. She’d never had before—mostly because he’d never given her a reason to—and it hurt her to the core to fear him and mistrust him. Last night, however, she’d asserted her power. She’d shown the jealous vampire that she was not going to put up with his crap. She had thought after he bit her that she wanted him to feel horrible. Horrible enough to stake himself. She’d wanted him to grovel and beg and heartfully mean every word of his apology. Now she found she almost understood that while he was sorry about how it happened, he wasn’t sorry that it had. She wasn’t yet ready to take the plunge and fully accept what he considered a gift, however. That’s what confused her to the core. Did she love him? Was she ready to acknowledge him as the only man in her life? Well, man in her life that was in human terms her husband. Was she ready for that with Spike? God, she was only twenty-six! She was still a virgin, hadn’t dated all that much—and man, she was never telling Spike about the couple guys she did date in England. She really was never going to be normal, was she? The thought saddened her and tears began to leak from her eyes. She brushed them away hurriedly before they reached Spike’s shirt.

“What’s wrong, luv?”

Her head shot up. “How long have you been awake?”

He smirked, “woke up before you.”

She glared at him and shook her head.

He reached out and brushed her tears away, “why are you crying?” His tone was so tender and caring it almost broke her heart.

“I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. I really hate it.”

“So then why don’t you tell me about it?”

“I’d really rather not,” she started to move off him, but he grabbed her and pulled her down to him so that her head was lying next to his and she found herself looking into his cerulean eyes. He twisted his body so that they were laying side by side and their limbs were entangled.

“It infuriates me when you keep everything inside and don’t talk to me,” he told her bluntly. “That’s when you hide from me and take off. No more of that.”

“Guess we’re even then. It infuriates me when you make me talk,” she attempted lightly.

Spike looked at her sternly.

“I was just thinking—“

“About the vampire gang?”

“Can I finish? Or shall we just let your imagination run wild?”

He grinned, “go ahead, luv.”

“I was just thinking about how not normal my life is and never will be. I was thinking about how I’ve barely dated—“she started to squirm and looked down at his tshirt covered chest. “And how you’re like my husband in human terms and how I’ve never even had sex.” She squirmed some more, oblivious to the effect it was having on certain parts of Spike’s anatomy. “Not that I haven’t had offers, because I have. There was Xander in high school, and then Parker in college. When I was in England—and I wasn’t going to tell you about that because I know how jealous you get—“ He cut her off with a kiss. It was gentle, loving and yet passionate. She heard herself moan and move closer to him. His arms settled on her waist and pulled her closer to him as his tongue swept across her lips and she instinctively opened her mouth, granting him passage. He swirled his tongue inside, it was as if he was trying to learn everything he could about the inside of her mouth. She wrapped her arm around him and started to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. He groaned and ground himself against her. She registered he had an erection, and instead of being afraid of it, she took pleasure in the fact that she gave it to him.

He broke the kiss and laid his forehead against hers, staring into her lust addled eyes. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” He whispered.

She didn’t answer and instead met his lips with her own again. His touch was feather light as his fingers moved under her shirt and rested on her hip, smoothing circles on her heated flesh. He moved so that he was half on top of her and she could freely wrap both arms around him. He groaned against her as she thrust her hips toward him and she knew her center had to be hot against him, she felt it. Becoming daring, she found the hem of his shirt and gently pushed her fingers underneath, caressing his sides. He moaned and his own fingers pushed further up her sides until they cupped her breasts. Her nipples were hard and he caressed them gently sending shivers of delight through her. She bucked against him again and he trailed kisses down to her ear and nibbled softly on the lobe before trailing back to her mouth.

His claim was driving her crazy and she wanted him to bite. Wanted him to show her how wonderful it could be. She was suddenly possessed then with fear. Not of him, but of what they were doing and what it all meant. Her earlier musings came back to her and she froze.

He lifted his head and looked at her. His eyes were half mass with lust. “What’s wrong?”

“I—I can’t go any further. I’m not ready yet to do this. I’m sorry, Spike, I—“
“Sshhh…don’t be sorry. I want you to want it as much as I do. I won’t enjoy it until you’re sure.”

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready,” she told him truthfully. Her voice trembled, “I don’t know how I feel about you quite yet. I love you Spike, but I don’t think I’m in love with you.”

He moved off her and she quickly adjusted her shirt. She’d hurt him with that confession, she could tell. He sat up on the couch, his back to her and she felt his loss acutely. She wanted him to hold her and thought perhaps that was a childish, girlish wish. Fresh tears resurfaced.

“I know that you’re confused,” he said quietly. “I just hoped…I’m always hoping.” He turned then and she tried desperately to hide the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Pet—“ He immediately grabbed her and wrapped his arms around. “It kills me when you cry.”

“Goddammit Spike! I hate to cry and I’ve done nothing but sob like a baby for the past few days!”

“I’m sorry, pet. Tell me what I can do—did I hurt you?”

“I hurt you and I just wanted you to hold me after that heavy make-out session,” she sobbed into his chest. “I’m still a girl underneath it all.”

He stroked her hair, “I’m sorry, pet,” he murmured. He kissed her gently on top of her head.

“I need a shower,” she informed him after a while. “I should probably go to Giles.”

“Don’t go. Stay here with me. We’ll go to his place later and do what we need to do.”

“Spike, I—“

“Please? I want to be held too.”

She started to laugh then and he joined her.

“Knew I could get a laugh out of you,” he told her. He put his hand under chin and made her look at him. “Will you? Stay, I mean? Please?”

She nodded. “I’ll stay.”

He gave her a quick peck on the nose and wrapped his arms around her once again.

She yawned. “I’m tired again.”

He rolled off the couch and she looked up at him. “Where are you—“

She was cut off when he leaned down and scooped her up in his arms. “Let’s go to bed. To sleep.”

“You don’t have to carry me.”

“I want to.”

She smiled. “Okay,” and she wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled against his chest.

Depositing her on the bed, he curled up behind her and draped an arm across her stomach, clutching her to him. He left a feather light kiss against her neck and sniffed her hair.

“Good night sweetheart,” he murmured.

“Good night, Spike.” Just before she drifted off she thought about how she could get used to Spike’s arms holding her as she drifted off every night.

Chapter Ten



Spike awoke and reached for Buffy. She was not there. He bolted upright and relaxed when he heard the shower running. He immediately grew hard. The thought of her luscious body all wet…he shuddered. She’d kill him though and she wasn’t ready for that. Yet. He’d felt her desire for him earlier and knew that she was in love with him even though she wasn’t aware of it yet.

He lay there, willing his erection to stay down when she emerged, fully dressed, her hair wet. She was smiling as she entered.

“I thought you left,” he told her.

Her smile faltered a bit. “You sleep like the dead you know,” she chuckled lightly to herself at that and he groaned at her humor. He sat up against the headboard and she ran a brush through her wet hair. He got up then and moved to sit behind her. She jumped when he took the brush from her.

“I want to do it,” he murmured and ran the brush through her hair, delighting at the scent. She smelled like him. She was covered in his scent and it delighted him to no end. He ran his fingers through her hair, fingering it.

“Spike? You’re going to tangle it after you just brushed it.”

“Uh, yeah.” He put the brush down and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. “My turn now.” He swore her cheeks grew bright red and he smiled. Good, let her be bothered as he was.

When he was dressed he joined her in the kitchen. She was standing in front of the fridge with the door open and she was slightly bent, giving him a view of her luscious bottom. He suppressed the urge to bite it with his blunt teeth and sauntered over to her.

She jumped when she realized he was close and looked at him. “I’m freaking starving.” She declared.

“Do you want to go out?”

“Spike, you can’t.” She gestured toward the shut curtains. Daylight peeked through indicating a bright sun. “It’s two in the afternoon. You can’t go out for another 3 hours at least.”

He hated this part. The part where he couldn’t take his girl out to eat because it was the middle of the day. The fact that he couldn’t enjoy the sun with her.

“Now I finally get it,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“A normal boyfr—guy—could take you out. The time wouldn’t matter. A normal guy could take you out in the middle of the day with the sun beating down on him without worrying about turning to dust. I get it now. Why you’re so unsure of us.”

She looked down. She had nothing to say because that’s exactly what she had been trying to tell him. Normalcy. Normalcy dictated that her ideal boyfriend would be someone who was, well, human. Now she was mated to him. Mated to the non-human. Mated to the vampire and because of that she wouldn’t know what it meant to be out in the sun with a normal boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I took it from you.”

“If I had a nickel for everytime you’ve apologized to me in the past few days, I’d be rich.”

“I don’t know what else to say or do.”

“There’s nothing you can say or do. I’m not destined to be normal. You’ve been trying to tell me that for a while now. You didn’t give me my super strength or give me the powers I have. You also didn’t bring demons to my city for me to kill.”

“I can see how you want it though. Because now I wish I were, normal, for you. One less burden.”

“You’re not a burden, Spike.”

“Aren’t I? I made you my mate for eternity.”
“Well, in all fairness, eternity isn’t an option. If I don’t die by a demon or vampire, I will by old age.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

She shrugged, “it’s the truth. So, maybe you should have been more careful in your rash decision to make me your mate. Should’ve chosen someone immortal like yourself.” Her tone took on a bitterness at the end of that speech and her words stung him.

“I didn’t want anyone else.”

“You never really gave yourself the chance to really figure that out, did you? Spent a century with Dru, had a few one night stands, and then bam: here I am. You’ve spent every night with me. You’ve patrolled with me, trained with me, took me out. Did you even try to be with anyone else? No. Then you up and took the choice from me. From both of us.” She paused. “You know, I think on some level, I knew. I knew eventually it would happen. That’s why I left. I wanted to play at a normal life with normal relationships for a while. I knew I couldn’t stay away forever though. Knew I eventually had to come back and face my destiny. Face being a pseudo-slayer and face you.”

He didn’t know what to say. She went to grab her jacket.

“Where are you going?” He finally found his voice.

“I’m going to get something to eat.”

“Are you coming back?”

She sighed, “I don’t know.”

“Please come back,” he pleaded.

“I’ll try,” she whispered and walked out the door.


FLASHBACK

“Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?” He asked as they walked through the cemetery. It had been quiet over the past few days, but they still kept their routine of patrolling.

“Does it hurt to be in love with someone?”

He nearly choked at her question. Why was she asking him such a question? He looked at her curious face. “What brought this on?”

“Well, Anya claims she’s in love with some guy and she says she loves him so much it hurts. I’m thinking if I’m in love with someone, it shouldn’t hurt.”

“All depends on if they return the feeling.”

“So, if it’s unrequited, it hurts. He does say he loves her, so it’s requited. Are they just nuts then?”

“Personally, I’ve always found Anya to be off her rocker.”

She laughed and hit him playfully. “Did it hurt to be in love with Dru?”

He cocked his head to the side, thoughtful. “Yes because she was unfaithful.”

“So it was unrequited.”

“Yes.”

“So that’s why it hurt.”

“Before then, before she was unfaithful it hurt then too. Nearly broke me in half to love something, someone that much. It was, at the time, the most alive I’d ever felt.”

“At the time? So you’ve felt more alive than that after that?”

He nodded. With you, he wanted to answer.

She didn’t say anything for a long while. “I don’t know if I want to be in love. I don’t want to hurt.”

“The pain comes with the pleasure. The two go hand in hand.”

“Sounds masochistic to me.” She sighed. “I hope I never fall in love.”

“Oh you will, pet. You will.”

END FLASHBACK



“I’m back,” she called out as she entered his apartment.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Spike sat up abruptly. He had been scared she wouldn’t come back. And here she was. He stood and she entered the living room.

She pointed at him, “were you…crying?”

He pointed back at her, “you changed.”

“I stopped by Giles’. I got some stakes and supplies for tonight. Were you crying?”

He looked down.

“Why?”

“It felt like you were leaving me again.”

“I promised you I would stay,” she said softly, looking down.

“I love you so bloody much that sometimes it chokes me.”

She looked up at him, startled, and met his gaze. “I—wow.”

He chuckled, “wow?”

“Well, I don’t really know how to respond to such an intense declaration. No one has ever said that to me before. No one has ever felt like that for me before—at least to my knowledge. Has anyone for you?”

“Said or felt?”

“Both, either, or.”

“Dru, perhaps. In her soulless, demonic way.”

“Wasn’t she unfaithful?”

“Like I said, in her own soulless, demonic way.”

“Thank God you have your soul.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Why? I mean aside from the obvious reasons.”

She blushed profusely and he found it absolutely endearing. He resisted the urge to gather her up in his arms and smother her with kisses.

“I wouldn’t deal well with infidelity,” she said so softly a human wouldn’t be able to hear her. With his vampire hearing however, he heard her loud and clear.

“Does that mean—“
“I don’t know what it means right now. Just a thought that popped in my head. I don’t want to analyze it. I put it out there, laid it out on the table and that’s all I want to do with it right now. Don’t want you to pick it up and dissect it. I certainly don’t want to either. Not now. Can we just let it be for now?”

He nodded solemnly, never taking his eyes off her.

“Good. Well, sundown is in about an hour. I think we should get to work. What do you say?”

Thank you guys for the reviews. Cordykitten--I haven't gotten to the LJ yet. So much to do, so little time!! :)

Chapter Eleven

He agreed and they got down to work. Two hours later Spike and Buffy left his apartment. If his heart could beat, it would leap out of his chest. He was scared; scared of losing her. She seemed confident, but he wondered how much of that was an act. They walked in silence and Spike could tell she was using what he taught her to try and feel where the vamps were. Then he caught a whiff of something and stopped. Trying to decipher what direction the scent was coming from, he turned in a full circle.
“What is it?” She asked quietly.
“I smell…”
“What?”
“Vampires”
“Pray tell, Master Vampire, where could they be?”
“North. Rose Cemetary.”
“Off we go,” she muttered and started to go. He grabbed her arm.
“What?”
“Let me do it, Buffy. Let me go and take care of them.”
“Spike, why?”
“It’s my job as your mate to protect you.”
“Then protect me in battle. We’ve done this before, why are you suddenly frightened now?”
“I’ve always been frightened for you. Maybe because I’m closer to you now, maybe because I’ve tasted you, maybe because I just got you back after you were gone and the thought of you leaving again terrifies me. Maybe because I know these particular vamps are out to kill you. Maybe because I now understand what you need and want and want it for you, desperately. Maybe because I love you.”
She studied him, arms crossed. “Maybe you think too much.” She said and walked away.
They reached the entrance of the cemetery and Spike stopped her again.
“Stop it, Spike,” she hissed. “You can’t stop me from doing this. They’re after me. I have to face them. It’s my fight.”
“Our fight, love. Our fight.”
“Fine, it’s our fight. Just don’t stop me. Slayers have to be fearless, don’t they? Well, I’m going to learn to be fearless.”
“You’re not a Slayer.”
“No, I’m not. But I’m pretty damn close.”
“I get it now, okay? You wanted me to get it and I do—“
“Spike?”
“Pet—“
“Shut up.”
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the witch and her pet vampire.”
Spike and Buffy turned to see vamps. Three of them. Big, burly and most likely incredibly strong. All three wore jeans, t-shirts, cowboy hats and ankle length brown leather coats.
Buffy smirked, “guess we found our vamps. Guys are a little out of your element don’t you think?”
“You Northerners are quite tasty, despite your rudeness.” One of the vamps drawled.
Spike took his place in front of Buffy who pushed him aside. He glared at her and she faced the vamps.
“I hear you’re looking for me,” she told them.
“You heard right. Never tasted a witch before—“
“And you won’t. She’s mine.” Spike snarled.
The vamps had the decency to look shocked. “You claimed her?” One asked.
“Yes. You don’t get to taste her.”
“Guess we’ll have to find other ways to kill her then.” Another drawled.
“Can we do less with the talking and more with the fighting?” Buffy suddenly blurted out. “I have plans later.”
“Sure thing, witch.” And the three started toward them. Spike took his fighting stance close to Buffy. They wouldn’t touch her if he had anything to say about it.
“Kali…Kali…Kali…Be in Me!” He looked over at Buffy, about to ask what she was doing when a visible sheen of white light entered her body via her head. He could only stare. So did the vamps.
She turned and looked at him, and his eyes widened. Her eyes were glowing white and her hair had turned black. She turned to the vampires and charged. Kicking the closest one to her, she sent him flying to a nearby tree where a stray branch came from the middle of it. He fell on it and was dust in seconds. Spike could only gape in shock.
The vamps friends looked at each other in fear and started to run.
She turned to Spike. “You better hide.” It was her voice, yet deeper, with an echo.
“Buffy—“
“Hide, vampire!” She shouted at him. Spike figured it was better to do as she said and found the nearest gravestone to hide behind. He would hide, but stay close by in case.
“I call the light of golden rays, for protection, thus I pray!” She shouted and lifted her hands. With a spark of light, there between her raised arms was the sun. A smaller version of it, but the sun nonetheless. Spike gasped. Now he knew why she asked him to hide. She was protecting him. Bringing her arms down, she seemed to cradle the ball in one hand as it hovered above her right hand. She started forward and Spike followed safely behind.
“Here, kitty, kitty,” she called.
Spike could only gaze at the woman he loved. It was her, and yet not. He’d seen fragments of the power she possessed. Enough to know she was a force to be reckoned with. He’d also felt her strength. Both things combined made him nickname her Wonder Woman and sometimes Supergirl. Now seeing the power she held in that tiny body of hers, he knew she wasn’t worthy of such names. She could kill both with the blink of her eye.
Spike spotted one of the southern vamps crawling into a mausoleum. She spotted him too. Her glowing eyes followed the figure retreating inside and smiled maniacally. Spike shivered at the sight.
Walking up to the stone door, she kicked it right open. “Find my enemy!” She commanded the ball and it left her hand. Spike watched in fascination as the inside of the tomb lit up with bright sunlight. He heard a howl and knew instantly the vampire was dead.
She turned then, and Spike beheld her. Standing in the doorway, the wind billowing her long black sweater around her. All Spike could do was gaze at his beloved in awe. She moved forward, a branch snapping tugging her awareness. She swerved to the right and Spike followed. Her beam of sunlight gone, he followed closer to her.
She stopped and listened. Spike sniffed the air.
“South,” he said.
She turned to her left and walked. Then Spike saw it. A knife flying through the air, directed at her.
“BUFFY!” He shouted and leapt to it.
Raising her hand, she deflected him to the ground and in one swift movement, caught the blade in between both hands. Raising the blade she turned until a beam of light shot out of it and she followed it. Instinctively, Spike knew this light led to the source.
Ignoring the tremors coursing through him at the fear of almost losing her he followed, right behind her. The vampire was just ahead, running.
“STOP!” She shouted.
The vamp stopped and turned, paralyzed. His eyes wide with fear. She strolled up to him, grasping the blade tightly in her right hand.
She came up to him and walked around him. “Scared of little ol’ me?” She asked.
The vampire whimpered and behind him, Buffy wrapped her arms around the vampire from behind, cooing softly in his ear. She held up the blade.
“I would tell you to warn your friends, but you see, they’re dead.” She trailed the knife from his stomach to his chest, shredding the material in half. Blood seeped lightly and the vampire whimpered. Then, she leaned over and kissed the vampire’s cheek. In one swift movement, she slashed his throat. The vampire’s eyes widened. Then she stepped back and kicked it. The head tore off and the body dusted.
Spike stood there, transfixed. She looked up at him then. Her hair went back to its natural color, her eyes stopped glowing and the light that entered her left her the same way it entered.
She swayed and whispered his name before she dropped to the ground. Spike was on her immediately.
He could hear her heart, though slow. Her skin was on fire and her breathing slightly wavered. She was incredibly pale. Fear coiled through him and he lifted her lifeless body into his arms and ran as fast as he could to Giles’.

“Buffy—“ Giles stopped when he saw Spike cradling her in his arms. “What happened? Is she hurt?” The man asked ushering Spike in.
“I don’t know. She fought—hard.” Spike explained to her High Priest all that happened as he laid her down on Giles’ couch and Giles felt her head. “What’s wrong with her? Is she all right? Does she need a hospital?”
Giles took off his glasses and shook his head. “She’s going to be fine, Spike. What she’s experiencing is like a flu. She has a fever and her body is incredibly tired. What she did, it took a lot of energy. Usually does when you invoke a Goddess into yourself. She needs rest, perhaps a cold compress to her head and more rest.”
Spike was relieved, somewhat. He picked her up silently.
“Where are you going?” Giles asked.
“I’m taking her to her room. I’m staying so don’t bother telling me to get out. I stay with her, understand?”
Giles knew it was futile to argue and he wasn’t going to tell Spike to leave anyway. He nodded his assent. “I’ll get a cold washcloth to apply to her forehead.”
Spike nodded and carried Buffy to her bedroom. He laid her down gently and stared at her. Then, he tugged off her shoes and socks, took off her watch and necklace and her bra. He knew from experience that she hated sleeping with it on. Whenever she’d slept over his place before, she’d always take it off under her clothes when they’d settled in to watch TV. He respected her privacy and maneuvered the thing off under her clothes. She’d stake him if she knew he was trying to cop a feel or check her out in this state. He then untucked the covers and discarding his shirt, settled in beside her. His cold skin would help, he reasoned. It didn’t help however, that her skin being so hot heated him immediately. She wriggled against him and moaned softly.
“Buffy?” He asked. “Talk to me, baby.”
She fell silent again and he drew the covers about her waist. Giles walked in and cleared his throat. He raised his eyebrows.
“I’m a vampire, you nit. My body temp is always cool. I figured it would help.”
Giles merely nodded and pressed the cool washcloth to her head. Giles straightened and watched the vampire tenderly comb her hair through his fingers and whisper endearments to her. Spike looked up at him finally.
“You truly love her,” Giles stated as fact. He knew it, known it for a long time. He felt the need to let Spike know what he already knew however.
Spike nodded. “Always have. This whole time.”
“You won’t hurt her again?”
Guilt passed over the vampire’s features. “Not intentionally.”
“She loves you,” Giles stated.
Doubt crossed Spike’s usually confident expression. “Sometimes I think she does.”
Giles nodded firmly. “She does. She fights it because she’s scared. You ever hear the story of the turtle and the hare?”
“Slow and steady wins the race?”
Giles nodded. “I’m imagining that combined with the—events—of the past week and tonight’s invocation, that is the reason why her body is so tired. She needs time to rest, to heal. You must give her that space to do that.”
Spike nodded, “I know that now. Been alive for a long time Giles and no one has taught me as much as she has in a week.”
Giles smiled fondly at the sleeping girl he adored so much. “She’s something, isn’t she?”
Spike nodded and laid his head next to hers. “That she is.”
Feeling as if he were suddenly intruding, Giles bid him goodnight and left the room.
Spike watched her as she slept and absently stroked her arm. After a while he checked the washcloth, rewet it and laid back down with her.
“You’ll be all right luv. I won’t let anything happen to you. Not again, not ever again.” He watched her as she slept and soon, sleep claimed him as well.

Chapter Twelve

FLASHBACK


“Surprise! Happy birthday!” Noise makers sounded and confetti was thrown as Buffy, her mother and Giles jumped from behind different areas of the living room.

Spike jumped a mile. “Are you all trying to give me a bloody heart attack!”

Buffy giggled and ran up to him, throwing her arms around him. “Your heart doesn’t beat.”

He smiled. “What is this?” He asked as he took in the big birthday cake, the buffalo wings and onion blossom, the Happy Birthday banner in red.

She broke the hug and pulled him to the center of the room.

“Well, we’re planning a surprise Happy Birthday party for Anya next week and we figured we’d try it out on you first to see if we yelled ‘Surprise, Happy Birthday’ well enough. What do you think? Could we use more enthusiasm or was that just enough?”

“Smart ass,” he pinched her arm.

“Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers!” Her sister, Dawn told him, wagging her finger at him.

“It’s your birthday Spike. Your real birthday. Not the day you were turned, but the day you were you know, born. It’s a milestone. You’re 195. You are almost two centuries old. Do you feel any older? Wiser? Like you deserve respect?”

He laughed out loud.

“We got all your favorite foods as well. If you want hot cocoa just let me know.” Joyce winked at him.

He smiled broadly. After all this time, he’d finally found where he belonged. He finally had a family and friends. He gazed lovingly at Buffy as she sampled an onion ring. This was all because of her.

She looked up at him, “I know you’re not into the whole birthday thing because you think it’s lame or whatever, but I don’t care. Everyone deserves to have a birthday party. And if you’re part of this family, you’re going to have to deal.”

He swept her up in a bear hug. “I love you.” He nearly choked on the confession, so full of love, adoration and tenderness was he.

“I love you too,” she giggled. “Come on, you need to cut the cake so we can open presents.”

END FLASHBACK

She slept most of the day. Spike was worried and kept a vigil by her side. Giles assured him time and again that she was going to be fine. That once she awoke she would feel good as new. Spike knew the girl could sleep, but it had been well over twelve hours.

“Spike, do relax, please. She’s going to be fine. She’s getting some much needed rest—“

“So you keep saying. It’s been almost fifteen hours Giles! She doesn’t even sleep that much when she has the flu!”

“Spike?” A timid, groggy, hoarse voice called out. Spike flew to the bedroom.

Buffy looked up at him curiously. “Why are you yelling at Giles?”

Spike started to laugh, releasing the tension he’d been feeling and fell into bed beside her, wrapping her in his arms and planting a soft kiss upon her head.

“Did we wake you, Buffy?” Giles asked from the doorway.

“No, I’d been up for a little bit before Spike yelled at you.” Buffy answered, her voice muffled against Spike’s chest.

“How do you feel, sweetheart?” Spike asked, pulling back enough to look at her beautiful face. He studied her until she screwed up her eyebrows in frustration and pushed at him. He smiled. She was back to normal all right.

“I’m starving. I could eat a horse.” She replied, sitting up in bed and looking at Giles.

Giles sat on the bed near her, “Buffy,” he breathed. Emotion overtook him at the sight of her well and alive.

She smiled gently at her mentor. “I’m okay, Giles.”

“Do you remember anything?”

“Yeah, I do. It was like I was there as an observer. I know it was my body doing those things, but it almost felt like I was watching myself do them. Do you know what I mean?”

“Perfectly,” Giles smiled at her. “How do you feel—about it?”

She frowned then, “I don’t know. I don’t know if I like my body being taken over like that.”

“It kept you safe.”

“It did. I’ve killed demons and vampires before without invoking Kali though. I guess I just felt I needed to do it. I mean, they were able to kill the Slayer.”

Giles nodded. “In the future, power can be invoked inside you in different ways. We’ll work on that.”

“Not now though okay?”

“Heavens no.”

“I’m starving.”

Spike grinned and brushed back some of her hair off her shoulders. “So you’ve mentioned. What do you want?”

She smiled, “everything under the sun. Waffles, eggs, bacon, home fries-“

Giles cleared his throat and stood up, “I get it. Famished. I’ll see what we have.” He left and Buffy turned to Spike.

“How long was I sleeping?”

“Over fifteen bloody hours, pet. Thought I was going to have to rouse you.”

“Ha! You do know that would have been fatal for you, right?” She told him lightly.

“You had me worried, pet. After it all happened—you just passed out.”

“I’m sorry I worried you,” she told him softly.

He shook his head, “don’t be sorry. I’m just happy you’re well. And alive.” His intensity deepened. “You changed. It was you and yet not you. It scared me for a bit.”

“I protected you.”

He smiled, “you did. I tried to, but I don’t think you really needed me.”

“I did, Spike. I did need you. We were a team and Kali recognized that. She just has a tendency to take over and be bossy.”

Spike laughed, “not like you at all, right?”

She laughed, “well, maybe a little.”

“What do you feel like doing today, pet?”

“Hanging out for now. What time is it?”

“Two in the afternoon.”

“I need to shower and get dressed and eat and—“ She looked at him. “Do you want to go see a movie later?”

He tried to keep his shocked expression down to a minimum. She wanted to be in his company!

He managed to nod.

“Good,” she started to move out of bed, but Spike stopped her.

“I’ll go help Giles.” He stood up and handed her the TV remote. “Why don’t you watch some TV?”

She smiled up at him. “Okay.”

He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on her forehead before helping Giles make her the feast.



The day was spent eating, watching TV, talking and laughing. Buffy felt calmer, more at peace. She figured it had to do with the fact that her life was no longer threatened. She had managed to defeat the vampires, Spike and Giles were with her and she felt content. She even called her mother and promised to visit soon. She’d cried a little when talking to her mom, the events of almost not being alive to hear her mother’s worry again making her happily relieved she still could.

“So, when is the movie again?” She asked Spike.

“Well, which one do you want to see? The seven or the nine?”

“How about the nine?”

“Want to get food first?”

They both broke out into wide smiles and at the same time said “Buffalo wings!” Giles looked at the pair, chuckled and shook his head.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him in a daughterly hug from behind as he worked on the computer. He patted her hands affectionately and smiled warmly as he looked up at her.

Spike looked at the pair and was surprised to realize he was not jealous at all. The exchange of affection between the pair was purely that of a father and his daughter. He knew Giles was relieved to have her alive and safe. He also knew after their conversation last night that Giles knew exactly where he stood with her. On the same end, he knew where he stood with Giles. He accepted Spike as long as he didn’t hurt her. Giles knew he loved her. He just wanted to make sure Spike did right by her. And by God, as her mate, he was going to do everything he could to make her happy, keep her safe and make sure she knew just how cherished she was.

“Spike? You ready to go there, slick?” She asked, already in her coat and waiting patiently for him.

He looked at her and frowned, “Slick? Is that some comment on my hair?”

She laughed, “no, but I can start if you want me to.”

He groaned, “no thanks.” Then brightened. “Unless you want me to start on your ever changing hair color.”

She smiled, “yeah, but I don’t look like Billy Idol, do I?”
He narrowed his eyes and lunged for her. She squeeled and ran out the door out of his grasp.

Giles smiled to himself as he heard them laughing and out of his yard. Yes, maybe now things would be back to normal around here.

Chapter Thirteen

"Spike, for Christ's sake! How many buffalo wings have you inhaled?"

He stopped chewing and looked at her guiltily. She looked at him sternly. He swallowed. "Would you like me to order some more, pet? It's all on me, I don't mind--"

"You're paying?"

"Well, yeah. Why, did you want to?"

She shrugged, "I thought we were going Dutch. Like we usually do."

"I want to take my--you out."

"I asked you out, remember?"

"Well, I offered dinner."

"So how about pay pay for dinner and I'll pay for the movie?"

"Why can't I just pay for it all?"

"I don't know," she said, dumbfounded.

"Then it's settled. I'm paying. Do you want more buffalo wings?"

"No, this means I'll just actually have room for dinner."

He smiled and took a sip of his beer.

She wanted to ask him, but she didn't know how. She hadn't thought of it earlier when she'd asked him to the movies. Then dinner was suggested and now...now she thought maybe. Did she want it to be a date? Was she opposed if it was? Why should it change anything anyway? They were going uber slow with whatever they had between them. Despite the claim, there was no reason to rush into things. Course, they'd known each other for nine years now. Well, one of which was spent apart.

"Luv?"

She looked up at him, "what?"

"What's on your mind?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've shredded the coaster in a million es, es, you've been gnawing on that bottom lip of yours and your eyebrows are knit together like they do when you're concentrating very hard."

She gaped at him.

He smirked. "Surprised I know you so well, are you?"

She guffawed. "No."

"Are you lying?"

"Of course I am."

He laughed and sat back. "So? Tell Uncle Spike what the problem is.'

Now she let out a full laugh. "Uncle Spike?' Tears sprang to her eyes and he couldn't help but l wit with her. "I don't know about you, but I don't kiss my uncle the way I kissed you--"She stopped and slammed her hand over her mouth. She flamed red and Spike laughed harder.

He wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, so she decided to follow suit and shrug it off.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

She bit her lip. "Is this a date?"

"It's whatever you want it to be."

"What do you want it to be?"

"A date."

She nodded, processing the idea. It didn't scare her. "Ok, then it's a date. Finally, I see our food coming. I'm freaking starving. Somebody ate all the buffalo wings."

**FLASHBACK**

"He's really hot, Buffy," Faith whispered to her friend as she gathered her things. Spike smiled to himself as he waited patiently for Buffy to see her friend off so they could train. He knew Buffy would be angry with him if she knew he was listening, but it wasn't like he could help it with his super hearing and all. l, hl, he couldn't help but place himself near the doorway so he had a perfect view of Buffy as she stared at her friend.

"What?" She asked.

"Spike, he's hot. How old is he?"

Buffy's face turned hard. "He's older, much older." She grinned devilishly then and Spike bit back a chuckle.

"How much older? I mean, do you think he would go out with me?"

Buffy shook her head, "no, I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"He's...he's gay."

Spike nearly flew in the room to correct that statement.

"Gay? Are you serious? He doesn't seem gay."

"Well, he is. He's my best friend, don't you think I should know?"

Faith sighed, "it's always the good ones."

"Don't you have to go now?" Buffy urged, slightly annoyed.

Faith nodded, oblivious. When the door closed, Buffy stopped and then a small devious, victorious smile spread across her lips. Spike knew that look. It was the universal female pride smile. It took Spike a bit to figure out why she was so happy. Then it dawned on him. Buffy had been jealous of Faith. Jealous. She had been jealous. She made for the room and Spike jumped on the couch, pretending to flip through the TV Guide. She flopped next to him and Spike fought the urge to hug her.

"Spike?"

He pretended to look at the TV Guide still.

"Yeah, kitten?"

"Do you think Faith is pretty?"

He bit back a smile. "She's pretty," he said thoughtfully.

She froze, "you think so?"

He nodded and looked at her crestfallen face. He couldn't keep up the charade. Not when she looked so sad. "But she's not my type. Why?"

She exhaled and shook her head. "Just wondering what you thought is all."

"She's a bit too man-hungry for my taste."

"That's what I think too." She smiled then and he grinned at her. She was so cute when she was proud of herself. "I'm going to change. I'll be right back," and she bounded off again. He reclined back, content. Yep, had had the hots for him, whether she knew it or not.

**END FLASHBACK**

As they walked to the theater, Spike took untold pleasure when Buffy allowed him to take her hand in his and entwine their fingers. He glanced at her and found her grinning.

"What are you thinking about, kitten?"

She looked at him and shrugged. "Nothing in particular. Just happy...and really well rested."

"I can imagine. How are you feeling?"

"Good. How about you, Spike? How you doing?"

He grinned at her and squeezed her hand. "I'm good, pet."

"Spike, do you know what ever happened to Dru?"

Her question caught him off guard. "No, pet, why?"

"Just wondering. Do you think she'll come for you someday?"

"I don't rightly know. Don't rightly care either."

She looked at him, "you don't? You spent a century with her."

"Didn't have my soul then either."

"Yeah, but, you must feel something for the vampiress who made you. You must feel something for her even though you have your soul now."

"I feel an affection for her, yes. She's my Sire, and we took care of each other. My soul allowed me to see her as a killer. My soul rejects that. My demon recognizes her as only my Sire, nothing more. Not a real bond there anymore. My demon's attached itself to you now. If I saw her, I would hope that we could talk kindly and then move on our merry way."

"You wouldn't kill her?"

Spike paused. "I don't know. I never thought about it."

She looked at him. "You know I'd have to kill her, right?"

He nodded slowly, "I know, luv."

"You wouldn't hate me if I did?"

He stopped and made her look at him. "I would never hate you. For anything, ever. Do you understand me?" He asked fiercely.

She nodded, wide-eyed.

He gently slid a hand down her face, "'sides, she has a thing for Slayers. I'd imagine she'd have a thing for you. If she threatened you in any way, I'd kill her myself."

"Parts of me wish that I'd known you pre-soul."

He cocked his head, "why?"

"I don't know. I feel like there's a lot about you I don't know. A lot of it has to do with before your soul. You're a Master Vampire, Spike. You spent most of your undead life without a soul. Although, you probably would have tried to kill me, so that would wor work."

"I'd like to think I wouldn't," he said softly, cupping her face in his palm. "I'd like to think that my demon and myself would know just how rare and special you are. I'd like to think you would have inspired me to give up my violent ways and instead do what I was meant to do."

She cocked her head now. "What's that?"

"Love you, protect you."

She blushed and looked away shyly.

"Look at me, luv," he purred.

She looked up at him.

"Can I kiss you?"

She nodded and their lips met instantly. She pulled on the lapels of his jacked and drew him closer as his hands cupped her face. He kissed her deeply, trying to emit every emotion he had for her in it. When she opened her mouth, he deepened the kiss and engaged her tongue to dance with his. She moaned and he parted to let her breathe.

She looked dazed and Spike hid his smug grin. He'd done that to her. He rested his forehead against hers as she caught her breath. He took her hand and put it over his chest where his heart would be.

"It doesn't beat, but if it did, it would beat for you."

"We're going to be late for the movie," she whispered and took his hand again.

As they sat in the semi-dark theater, Buffy took his hand and flipped it so it was palm up. She opened it and studied it.

"Reading my palm?"

She nodded. "I wonder though...are these things that would have been true of you before you were turned or are the lines for now?"

"Humor me. Tell me what you see for me."

She giggled, "a really long lifeline."

"That it?"

"Well, I'm not really good at this, but let me see...okay, here."She traced the tops of his palm, "it says that you are going to marry and settle down with one woman and be married to her until you both die."He stared at her and his nerves were on super drive. Her words and her touch was driving him crazy. "And here," she traced and M shape on his palm, "says that you're going to marry and it will be your soul mate." She turned his hand to the side, "and you're going to have three kids. Two girls and a boy."

"Well, vampires can't have kids, so I guess that answers your question on whose palm it's for."

"Yeah, but Spike...William is dead. I mean, he's you, but, he's dead. You're dead."

"Sorry pet, I just don't see it happening." And he truly was sorry. He liked kids. "What about yours? What does it say?"

"Oh, I already know. I had someone read my palm a long time ago. I too am supposed to marry to one man. To my soulmate. And, have three kids. Two girls--" she paused. "And a boy," she murmured.

Now he felt half possessive and half depressed. There was no way any other man except him was going to marry her. He was her bloody soul mate dammit! And kids...not in the cards for a vampire.

The theater darkened then and she sighed, burrowing into her seat. He took her hand and kissed the back of it before resting their hands on the armrest between them.

*****

Spike noticed she looked a bit worn out as they left the theater and wanted to get her home right away. She scolded him of course, but she didn't deny that she was tired. He even caught her hiding a yawn.

He stopped suddenly as they walked to Giles. "Stay with me." It wasn't a demand or a question, but lay somewhere between the two.

She looked up at him, "no." She rushed on then, apparently catching the hurt look on his face. "Not because I don't want to--"

"I'm not asking for sex."

She raised an eyebrow and then dropped it, shaking her head. "I know that. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that this is our first date. I've had a really good time and I want it to continue to be like a real date where you walk me home, tell me what a good time you had too, ask to see me again real soon and kiss me goodnight." She smiled wide at him.

He nodded, "that does sound nice."

"Doesn't it?"

"Do I have to do all those things in order?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was thinking I could walk you home, kiss you. Tell you what a good time I had, kiss you. Ask to see you again real soon, kiss you again. And then maybe again."

She giggled, "I think that could be arranged."

He nodded, satisfied. "Good."


TBC....ahhh..happy spuffy....

Chapter Fifteen

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked as he trailed his kisses along her jaw.

She was finding it hard to concentrate as he did that, so she moaned a bit before answering and his grip tightened on her.

"Um, going to see my mom at some point," she managed to get out just before he claimed her lips.

"Tomorrow night you're free, yes?" His eyes were burning in their desire and intensity.

She gulped. "Y--yes."

"When can I see you?"

"When do you want me to come over?"

"All the time," he whispered hoarsely and kissed her quickly. "I want you with me all the time. Don't you know that yet?"

"Wow," she murmured. "No one's ever said that to me before."

He grinned and nibbled her bottom lip before looking in her eyes. "Good thing. You know how jealous I can be."

She rolled her eyes. "Trust me, I'm aware."

" 'S only because I love you so bloody much. Walk across hot coals for you, I would."

"You can't do that, Spike. Fire plus vampire equals dust. Course, fire plus anything pretty much equals dust."

He chuckled and caught her mouth again. She opened her mouth as he swept his tongue along her bottom lip and he entered, swirling his tongue with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself closer to him. She could feel the evidence of his desire for her pressed against her stomach and it caused a rush of her own desire. He broke away from her and looked at her.

"What?" She asked breathlessly.

"I can smell you. You're aroused."

She felt herself redden and she hid her face against his chest. "That's so un-romantic, Spike!" She admonished him.

"It's romantic to me," he told her huskily, bending his head and licking her earlobe. "Means you want me as much as I want you."

She looked up at him, "I'm not ready for that yet."

"I know, luv. You know I'll wait. I'll wait forever if you ask me to."

"I know," she whispered. Tentatively she reached out and ran a hand down his chiseled features. His eyes closed and he let out a soft purr. She pressed her lips against his and he deepened it immediately. When they finally broke apart he looked at her in amazement.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked.

"That's the first time you've kissed me first."

She smiled shyly and looked away, "well, you know...yeah, I don't know what I was going to say."

He chuckled and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She was surprised to find she wasn't scared. The bite had been tingling the whole time they were, well, making out and she wanted him to ease it. She knew how, but she wasn't sure if she actually wanted him to do it.

"Spike," she murmured, "could you...can you lick it?"

"Are you sure?" He asked, popping his head to look at her in shock.

She nodded, "I think it might help..."

"It's calling me," he admitted. "Did you know that?"

"I didn't know until we got back here. Has it been--all night?"

"It calls to me all the time, pet. But it's the strongest when you're in danger, or you're upset and when we're intimate."

"I want you to--"

"Lick it?"

"Bite it. But I'm not ready for that yet. I think if you ease me into it?"

He kissed her suddenly and she would have stumbled back from the intensity had Spike not been holding onto her. His lips dribbled down to her jaw and then nibbled on her ear. She gasped when it reached his mark and he tongued it, gently. She mewled at his ministrations and her grip tightened on him. It was like heaven.

He stopped abruptly and pulled away for a bit. "I want to bite and I don't want to," he admitted. "Won't make that mistake again."

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You liked what I just did."

She nodded, "I did."

He pressed his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes. "I love you."

She didn't know how to respond to that. Not yet. She felt things for him, she just wasn't sure what all them were yet.

"I don't say it to pressure you, you know that right?" He asked.

She nodded.

"Good. I only tell you because, well, I love you and I want you to know it."

"Thank you?"

"Don't thank me, Princess."

She flinched and tried to move away from him. He held her close, not giving her much room to move.

"What?" He asked, concerned.

"That's what you called Drusilla."

"Pet, I'm sorry. I didn't even realize I did that. It just flew out of my mouth. I wasn't thinking of her at all. I don't even think you're like her to remind me of her. I guess I've always just thought of you as my little Princess to spoil."

"You could call me the Queen," she offered and he laughed, smothering her in a kiss. "Or you could just continue to call me all the little endearments you already call me. Wait. Do you call anyone else 'luv', 'pet', 'sweetheart', or 'kitten'?"

"No, luv, only you."

"I like those," she smiled proudly.

He smiled tenderly, "then I'll stick with those. You do believe me, right? That I wasn't thinking of her?"

She nodded. "Maybe it was subconscious. I did mention her earlier."

He shrugged, "doesn't matter. Let's stop talking about her. I want to concentrate on you and these luscious lips of yours."

She giggled as he started to kiss her jaw again. "I should get inside--"

He straightened immediately. "Do you feel all right? Are you sick?" He put his hand to her forehead and frowned. "You don't feel hot. Are you--"

"Spike!" She exclaimed softly. "I'm fine. I am tired, but I feel fine. I was just thinking that in case Giles comes down here and pries us apart, I should get inside."

He ran his hands up her arms, biting his lip. "I don't want you to leave yet, " he whined.

"I know, I don't want to either," she admitted. He smiled widely at that admission and kissed her. She cradled his face in her hands and he started to purr.

She parted, "I have to go."

He nodded, looking down. Then kissed her again, quickly. "Had to, couldn't resist," he said, and shyly looked away.

She chuckled and pushed herself gently away from him. "Goodnight, Spike. I'll see you tomorrow. How about--"

"Right after you see your mum."

She smiled, "what are we doing tomorrow night?"

He grinned devilishly, "I'll surprise you."

"Can't wait," she turned and opened the door. She looked back and smiled at him and found him standing there grinning widely.

She shut the door and sighed contentedly. She smiled dreamily to herself and made her way to her room.

TBC...enjoy the happy Spuffy now...that's all I'm gonna say...:)

Chapter Sixteen

Giles stood in the doorway and watched her, confused. She was packing her things.
“Buffy, what are you doing?”
She jumped a mile and she glared at him. He grinned.
“I’m packing my things. I’m going to my mother’s today and I figured now is as good time as any to move back.”
Giles furrowed his brow. “Why?”
She looked at him, “what do you mean, why? Aren’t you tired of having me here? I must be crimping your, uh, wild bachelor lifestyle.” She giggled at the last part and he pursed his lips together.
“Oh yes, because it’s a regular animal house here otherwise. With all the drinking and orgies.” Giles said dryly as he rolled his eyes.
She looked at him quizzically. “Are orgies a bachelor thing or a British thing?”
He looked at her sternly and she bit back a smile. He sat down on the bed. “I think you should stay.”
She stopped packing and looked at him, surprised. “You think I should stay?”
He nodded. “It’s not so unusual. Students in the Craft used to live with their Priests and/or Priestesses all the time. Helped them properly train. Besides, over the past week with the vampire gang, the magic, and well, Spike, I think it would be best. For you and your mother if you stayed here. Who knows if that vampire gang would have went after your mother first.”
“So you’re saying I put them in danger by living with them? That’s way comforting, Giles.”
“I’m saying that staying here is more convenient for you. Here you have me, your Priest at your disposal to help and guide you. I’m more apt to protect myself against predators than your mother and sister. In cases of emergency, such as when Spike came with news over the vampire gang, we could get down to work immediately. It’s convenient for me, for you, and for Spike for you to live here.”
She smiled and sat down next to Giles. “Giles, do you think you could say that you want me to live here because you like having my company? Or is this all about the convenience?”
Giles gave her a shy smile, “I do want you to live here, Buffy. It’s rather nice having you here. You come and go so frequently, you might as well live here already. I’m alone a lot of the time and it’s nice having someone here to keep me company.”
“What about all those orgies?”
Giles smiled, “no attachments there. It’s purely physical.”
Buffy laughed. “It does make more sense and I really was hoping you didn’t want me to leave. You are high strung—“
“Thank you,” Giles said in a tone that meant he didn’t mean the sentiment.
“But, not as uptight as my family. You know more about what I do than they do and it is safer for them. Plus, you’re easy to live with.”
Giles smiled shyly again. “Thank you,” and this time he meant it.
“Welcome. So, um, what do we tell people—namely women whom you might date in the future about this arrangement?”
“Easy. You’re my stepdaughter.”
“Stepdaughter? What about daughter? And would they really buy that anyway?”
“Buffy, dear, I’m thinking that if I ever get that close to a woman to be able to tell them that you are a witch with superhuman powers who just happens to slay demons and vampires on the side, I’m thinking I’m going to be marrying that woman and said woman will have to be someone who can understand my relationship with you. As well as with Spike.”
“Spike, huh? Has he been over during the orgies?”
“He is a great guest.”
Buffy grinned and then frowned. “No, I don’t like that idea.”
“Not to worry, Spike would never.”
She nodded and bit her lip. “Giles, do you—do you trust him now?”
Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them on his sweater. “What Spike did set him back in my esteem a great deal. I had my reservations about him in the beginning, but he proved himself to be a help. He also proved to care about your welfare and desired to be your friend. He tried his best to prove not only to me, but to you as well that he was a white hat and cared deeply for you.”
“Something I took for granted many times,” she said guiltily.
“Yes, I daresay you did. That however gave him no right to take the choice from you on whether or not to be his mate.”
“Do you think we would have eventually ended up in that place?”
Giles sighed, “I daresay that yes, I believe that eventually it would have.”
“I told Spike that I thought so too,” she admitted, nodding. “I think that’s part of the reason I went away for so long. To avoid the inevitable. Maybe try to have a life that wasn’t so Spike-centered.”
“And now?”
“Now things have changed. I feel as close to him as I used to before I left.”
“You must feel more than that? Otherwise you wouldn’t have spent so long—what’s the term?—sucking face? With him last night.”
She buried her face in her hands, “Giles! You knew about that?”
He laughed, “I heard you when you first arrived home—outside—and then I heard you enter the home. The length of time was great. I naturally assumed you were doing more than talking.”
“You know what they say about assuming.” She said cheekily.
“What?”
“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me!” She giggled as Giles processed it and then shook his head. He filed it away for later though.
“You don’t have to tell me about your relationship with Spike as far as romantic feelings are concerned if you do not feel comfortable doing so. As long as he is not harming you and instead helping and protecting you, that is all I need to know.”
“I know, Giles.”
“However, if you do feel you need someone older and I hope wiser to help you or give advice, I would be happy to do so.”
“Thank you, Giles. I know, Giles.”
He smiled and nodded. He looked down at the carpet and silence ensued.
“So, is there anything you’d like to share?” He asked.
“Subtle, Giles, real subtle.”
“Well, I know that things have changed drastically from when you left, came home, he bit you and now.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m all about drastically changing my feelings at the drop of a hat,” she responded dryly.
“I won’t entirely argue with that.”
“Hey!”
“You said it first.”
She pouted, “yeah, I know. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.”
“Well, in all fairness, you did have a right to your harsh feelings toward him.”
“Thank you.”
“And now?”
She sighed. “Is it all right to say ‘I don’t know’?”
“Do you honestly not know?”
“I’ve been trying not to think about it.”
“Why?”
“Because when I think about things too much, stuff happens. For once I didn’t want to analyze, I just wanted to feel.”
“It just so happens that’s what I’m asking—how you feel.”
“Yes, I know Mr. Smarty Pants. But, in order to process how I feel, I have to think about it.”
“We’re not getting anywhere.”
“I’m aware. Okay, how do I feel about Spike? He’s my best friend, he’s sexy, he’s sweet, he loves me, he’s kind, he’s possessive and easily jealous. He protects me with all he is and sometimes it’s as if he worships me. Sometimes, he overwhelms me. When I’m with him, it’s like the world falls away and it’s just us. I look in his eyes and I melt. I find I’m unreasonably jealous of any girl that hits on him. I suppose I’m also envious of Drusilla because I find myself asking about her a lot. I don’t necessarily compare myself to her, but Spike then compared to Spike now. Her Spike and My Spike. He seems to think that Her Spike would have loved me anyway. I have my doubts.
I feel completely at ease with him. He’s seen the best and worst of me and still loves me. I’ve seen the best and worst of him and I still trust him. Is that wrong? Is it sick? I care for him a great deal and don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have. I missed him while I was gone and I felt so awful for how I hurt him when I came back. Not that I’m excusing how he chose to react to that. I don’t think I’m fully in love with Spike yet, but I think I’m on my way. How is that?”
Giles nodded, processing what she said. “I think you do love him. I think a part of you always has. It’s just a matter of letting your head catch up with your heart. Sometimes we have a way of talking ourselves out of things we’re afraid or unsure of.”
“So what you’re saying is that by feeling instead of thinking, I’m in fact following my heart and loving him, but when I start to think about it, I stop myself and second guess myself?”
Giles smiled at her astuteness. “Exactly.”
She chewed her lip thoughtfully. “So, should I continue feeling and not thinking or try to incorporate both?”
“What do you feel is right?”
“I think it would be best to continue how we are for now. Going slow is working for me. Having to think about it too much will make me run for the hills.”
“Then concentrate on that. The rest will eventually fall into place.”
“One can only hope.”
“Spike is a patient man. Has to be, when it comes to you—“
“Again with the ‘hey!’”
“He’s waited a long time for him to matter to you.”
“He’s always mattered to me, Giles,” she pointed out softly.
“Except you were too thick-headed to let him know that. You pushed him away something awful for a long time.”
“I know. And when I came back seeking his company he took me back with open arms.”
“He loves you.”
“Really? I thought that was just a rumor.”
“No reason to get snarky.”
“Aside from the fact that it’s so much fun.”
“You should let him know some of these things. He deserves to know. Give him as much as you can handle for right now. Just keep it in the back of your mind that one day, he’s going to need it all.”
She sighed heavily. “I find myself saying this a lot with you, but I know.”
“I imagine you have plans with Spike this evening?”
“I do. I don’t know what he has planned for me yet.”
“Well, don’t forget your key. I promise not to notice when you suck face.”
She laughed and hugged him warmly: Daughter to her Father.
“Thank you for everything Giles.” She murmured against him and then bounded off to her mother’s.

Chapter Sixteen

On her way to Spike’s after a teary, yet happy meeting with her mother, Buffy felt restless. Actually, it was the feeling of sudden foreboding that had her feeling restless. Something was coming. She could feel it in her gut. She just wasn’t sure what it was. Perhaps she wasn’t meant to.
She was mulling it over when she arrived in front of Spike’s door. She didn’t have a chance to say hello, however, when the door flung open and Spike vaulted himself at her. He peppered her face with kisses and all she could do was giggle.
“Miss me?” She asked coyly.
“Always when you’re not with me. And even sometimes when you are.”
She looked up at him questioningly.

“When you hide inside yourself and I can’t reach you.”

“I promise to be better at that.”

The smile he gave her was one of gratitude. “Thank you, pet.”

She nodded. She wanted to tell him what he meant to her, but
the words were trapped in her throat and now was not the time.

“Um, I didn’t know what to wear so I dressed somewhere between casual and dressy.” She told him, pulling away.

He took a step back and observed as she opened her black pea coat. She had decided on black boot cut pants and a red and white speckled blouse. It fitted to a V at her chest and she saw that Spike was trying not to stare at her cleavage.

“So subtle,” she giggled. “Just like a man.”

If he could have blushed he would have. Instead he ducked his head. “Right then,” he tossed her a sheepish smile which was just the cutest smile ever.

”It’s perfect for what I have planned. So now I need to go change.”

“What do you have planned?” She asked, following him to his bedroom.

“Not tellin’”

“Oh, come on Spike! You know I hate to wait! You know I hate surprises!”

“I also know that you’re full of it. Except for the waitin’ part. So, unless you want to help me change, I suggest you stay here.”

She stopped at his door and glared at his back.

“Glarin’ isn’t gonna help!” He yelled through the closed door.

She stuck out of her tongue.

“Neither is stickin’ out that lovely tongue!”

“Oh for crying out loud!” And she stomped away, hearing his laughter through the door.


When he came out, finally, her mouth went dry at the sight of him. He wore navy blue cargo pants, light blue button down and a navy tie. He wore his short leather jacket over the ensemble and Goddess, he was gorgeous. The blue in his shirt brought out the blue in his eyes and she knew if she tried, she’d get lost in them.

Oh God, she was nervous. And feeling shy. With Spike. This would not do at all.

“You all right, luv?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.


“Yeah, why?”

“Your heartbeat is racin’.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be listening!”


He was taken back by her outburst. “I can’t help that I hear it. Super hearing and all that comes with the vampire gig.”

“Yeah, I know,” she muttered.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” she shook her head and looked at the ceiling. “God, it’s nothing.”


“Nothing huh?”


She shook her head. “You um, you look really nice.” Her face had to be beat red by now. Had to be.

He grinned, “thank you, pet. Have I told you how gorgeous you look?”

“No, you were too busy checking out my rack.”

He burst out in laughter, grabbed her and embraced her. He softly kissed her lips and looked down at her. “Well, you look gorgeous. You could wear a paper bag and look gorgeous. Beautiful. You always do you know.”

“No, I didn’t, but thanks,” she murmured.

He kissed her again, leaving her dazed. He broke apart and produced a navy blue scarf.

“Kay, haven’t had sex yet, so not so much into the kinky.”


He laughed again and shook his head. “No, luv, I want to surprise you. Which means, I want to blindfold you so you don’t know where we’re going until we get there.”

She hesitated.

“Trust me,” there was a slight begging in his tone.


“I do,” she told him. “I just like to be aware of my surroundings. That whole control thing I have.”

“Don’t I know it. Can’t wait to see where else—“ At her quirked eyebrow, he stopped abruptly. “Please?”

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” she told him and turned around so he could tie the scarf around her eyes.

He chuckled as he pressed his chest against her. The contact sent shivers down her spine. He placed a tender kiss on the back of her neck and she trembled. He tied it tight enough to hide her eyes, but loose enough to be comfortable. He spun her around.

“Okay, luv?”

She nodded.

“Off we go, then. Hold on to me, I’ll guide you.

She giggled, “the blind leading the blind.”

“Hey!”

She was starting to get fidgety and Spike knew he couldn’t keep the blindfold on much longer. She had been a good sport about it until now. She was surprised when he actually used his car and had commented that they must be going someplace far away to be using it. She had even tried to keep track of where they could be going by the turns he took. He laughed at her attempts, and she pouted.

When they finally arrived, he led her out of the car and she could sense the huge crowd among them. She clung to him like a frightened child.

“Okay, we’re inside…someplace,” she declared. Spike could tell she was stretching out her feelers to try and figure out where she was.

He wanted to keep this up until the last possible minute, but couldn’t do it any longer. Instead he found the perfect spot and told her to stand still.

He stood beside her, not wanting to miss her reaction for anything.

“Spike? I’m feeling really weird right now.”

“Okay, luv. I’m taking it off now.” He reached behind her head and quickly undid the blindfold. It slid away and her eyes fluttered open and then took a moment to focus. When they did, they focused on a poster of Phantom of the Opera, her favorite show he got tickets for. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. She started to gesture. From him to her to the poster and all over again.

“Do you like it?”

“Like it? Like it? Oh my Goddess, Spike, I love it!” She lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and attacked his face with kisses. He wrapped his arms around her waist and enjoyed the attack. He was smiling broadly and tried a few times to meet her lips, but she evaded him. Then, finally, she pressed her mouth to his in the most beautiful kiss he’d ever received from anyone.

It was full of love. He could taste it, feel it. He longed to hear her say it, but knew it was going to take some time.

“Oh!” She stopped suddenly. “We have to go! Do you have the tickets? When did you get them? How did you get them? How did you know about this? How long have you had this planned?”

He laughed at her tirade and kissed her squarely on the nose. “I will be happy to answer all questions as soon as we get our tickets and find our seats.”

She nodded and smiled brightly as he led her through the crowd to the box office where they were holding his tickets.

“I’ve been waiting forever to see this again,” she said wistfully as they sat down in their seats. Not the nosebleed, either. She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off the stage and Spike was beaming with how happy made her.

“I had sudden inspiration,” he told her softly.

She turned to him, her eyes weapy, but a happy weapy. “Thank you so much Spike.”

“You’re welcome, luv.”

“I want to tell you that I—“ She stopped as the lights dimmed and the music began to play.

If Spike’s heart could beat he swore it would have burst out of his chest. Was there a confession coming? Was she going to tell him that she loved him? The moment was lost and Spike sighed, needlessly. She sought out his hand and entwined their fingers. He stared down at their joined hands and smiled.

She was a puddle by the time the show was over. She was a happy, mushy, gooey puddle of happiness and Spike was the cause of it. They capped of the night with a drink and she got the chance to tell him about her permanent situation with Giles. He agreed that it made more sense, though part of him did wonder if it was purely for selfish reasons that Giles kept her there.


“Home?” He asked as they left the pub.

She nodded slowly. Something was on her mind, he could tell. He didn’t want to press it. He wanted her to feel comfortable enough to come to him and tell him things. At one time she told him everything. Somewhere along the way, she had stopped and now she was slowly opening up to him again. It was imperative they get back that level of intimacy and comfort.

When they arrived at Giles’s, her new home, she turned to him. “Spike, I wanted to tell you something.”

“What is it, pet?” He waited patiently as she worried her bottom lip and refused to meet his eyes.

“I’m not really good at saying how I feel.”

“Take your time.”

She looked up at him and took a deep breath, “Spike, I want you to know, that you mean a lot to me. And it’s not because of tonight or yesterday or because you helped me when that gang was after me. It was before too. I know that I treated you deplorably.” She started to pace in front of him. “We were so close there for a while and then I pushed you far away and ten I let you back in, though not all the way. I really believe that I left for England for a year because I somehow knew deep down that you and I were destined for something. I ran away from everything because I was tired and scared. I still am, I’m not going to lie to you. I know that right now we’re headed towards something and it’s not because I feel obligated to you because of the claim. Like I said, I know that sooner or later we would head in to this place.

Despite how much I pushed you away, you’ve always been my best friend, the one person I can count on. And, despite how much it may have seemed that you weren’t worthy of me, it’s not the case. If anything, I’m not worthy of you. I didn’t ask for you to be in my life, you just kind of came and stayed. You didn’t ask for me either and you’ve had to put up with a lot of crap from me. You’ve never failed to tell me the many times I’ve given you heart failure despite the fact that your heart doesn’t beat. I figure that must be pretty bad considering you seem to have the patience of a saint when it comes to me.
I care about you a lot Spike. You’ve been there for me through almost everything: High school, vampires, magic, proms, boyfriends and my temper tantrums.
I missed you while I was gone. You may not believe that and I don’t blame you if you don’t, but I did. A lot. I just wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need you, that I only needed me and the so called normal life I wanted. I am just starting to accept that I’m not ever going to be normal. You’ve never lied to me about that, Spike. You know that I’m not normal and that I never will be. But you don’t make me feel like the freak I feel like sometimes. Instead you make me feel loved and you make me feel special. You know all about me and don’t just love me because I’m some kind of Wonder Woman. You love all of me and that is what matters most.
You mean so much to me, Spike. I know without you in my life, I’d be lost. I…I wanted you to know that.”


Spike could only stare at her in a mixture of shock, tenderness and joy. He reached for her and swept her in his arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he whispered softly against her ear.


“You don’t have to thank me,” she replied softly, “it’s just how I feel.”

He cupped her face in his hands and gazed into her eyes. His own had tears in them and he didn’t care. Never had he felt so complete and so whole in his whole life. It was all because of her.


“I love you,” he whispered before kissing her softly. She clung to him and kissed him back with all she had and he felt undone.

Chapter Seventeen

FLASBACK
“Spike, do you ever miss your family and friends?” She asked, breaking the silence that had been comfortably between them as they lay under the blanket of stars on a nearby pier. The lapping of the waves against the posts had been the only noise for about a half hour

He continued to stare up at the sky as he answered. “Yes, at times. I don’t try to think about it too much.”

“Did you want to turn your family after you were?”


“No. Soul or no, I didn’t want to do that.”

“If you could have turned one, who would it have been?”

“My mother. She was my best friend.”

“Is my mom anything like her? Is that why you love my mom so much?”

Spike nodded. “She’s very much like my mother.”

“Maybe she was, maybe she was reincarnated.
That would make me your sister.”

He smiled. “Maybe not then.”

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we knew each other?”

“Before or after I was turned?”

“Any time. I could have been someone you passed by on the street, or met someplace. A nameless random person. Maybe subconsciously we clicked because we knew it.”

“Given this a lot of thought, have you?” He asked, turning his head to look at her.

She smiled. “Wouldn’t it be cool though?”

“Something tells me that if I knew you, I wouldn’t have let you go.”

“That’s sweet, thank you.”

“Just the truth, luv.”

“Spike, you could call my mother ‘mom’ if you wanted. She would love it. She considers you the son she never had.”

“Bloody great woman, your mom,” Spike whispered, wiping away tears he hadn’t known had formed.

She knew though. She scooted herself closer,
turned to her side and wrapped an arm across him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“You know if you ever want to talk about them, you can. I would love to know more about you back then. About your family and all those people whom you grew up with,” she told him.

“Thank you pet.”

“I’m glad you were turned, Spike.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because even if we had met before, we were meant to be together now. You’re my best friend and if you hadn’t been turned, I might never have known you.”

Her words touched him deeply and he let the fat tears drop
without care.

“I’m glad Whistler brought you to me. I don’t like to think of you all alone and lonely. Makes me sad.”

He was so overwhelmed by the love and care he felt coming for her that he didn’t know what to say. That seemed all right by Buffy. She instinctively knew and she hugged him tighter, and left a kiss on his tear- stained cheek. “I won’t ever leave you, Spike.” She whispered her promise.
END FLASHBACK



“Where is my mate?” Spike barged through the door and demanded of Giles.

Giles looked up, startled and then annoyed at Spike. “Excuse me?”

“My mate, where is she?”

Giles frowned, “She told me she was on her way to see you.”

“Well, she’s not with me!” Spike barked. “I have a bad feeling. I can’t tell what’s happening to her.”

“I thought the binding was supposed to tell you if she were in danger?”

“It is unless she doesn’t feel she is in danger. I won’t be able to clearly know until she claims me back. God, I can’t tell what’s happening to her. I feel her mark calling to me. I got a brief tinge of danger, and then it all but disappeared. I haven’t felt her since.”

“Perplexing.”

“Quite. How long ago did she leave?”

Giles looked up at the clock and paled c
considerably. “Two hours ago.”

Spike bolted out the door, Giles following close behind.

Spike was concentrating, sending out his feelers and calling to her mark. He was getting a fuzzy message if best. It was frustrating him and worrying him. He started and stopped many times on the path he felt she was at. Giles seemed to understand that now was not the time to speak and instead followed Spike as best he could. Spike knew the man was worried himself.
Then Spike was able to pick up the scent of his mate and the signal. He also picked up the familiar scent of the woman he had spent over a century with. The same woman Buffy asked him about, the same woman he had left so long ago. He nearly choked on what he would find. Standing before a crypt, he turned to Giles.

“What is it?” Giles whispered.

Spike put up his hand to silence him. He gestured for Giles to stay put and Giles adamantly shook his head. Spike nodded and Giles still refused. Seeing this was a losing battle, he pointed the pentacle Giles wore. Giles nodded, seeming to understand Spike meant for him to use it as protection.

Spike opened the crypt door and nearly retched at the sight before him as Giles screamed “Buffy, Stop!”

There she was, laying on the cold crypt floor, bloody and beaten. In her hand she held a knife and she held it to her forearm, cutting herself. She was halfway up, when Spike sprinted across the room and grabbed the knife from her. She passed out and Spike let out a battle cry.

“Oh, Spikey. You came too early. Didn’t let mommy finish gutting your sweet pixie like a fish.” Drusilla, in all her regal morbidness stood before him with a twisted smile on her pretty face.

“Why—how?” He managed to sputter.

“I missed you, my boy. I heard you were fighting demons with your shiny new soul. Heard you were taking up with a witch, helping her. I had to come and right that wrong.”

Spike shook his head, “you’re right, Dru.” The words choked him. He knelt down to his mate and took in her state. She needed a hospital. A sob choked him and he turned to Dru.

“You put her in a thrall.”

Dru nodded. “I did. Not easy to do with that one. Let me finish her off, Spikey. Then we go away again. Together.”

Spike shook his head. “The way it was always meant to be?”

“Of course my love.”

Spike stood and slowly made his way to her. He forced a small smile and prowled over to her.

She smiled broadly as he did so. “Will you let me finish? Will you run with me, my love?”

He nodded slowly and opened his arms. Dru gleefully flew into them. She purred against his neck and Spike nodded to Giles. Giles came out of his stupor of the spectacle before him and threw Spike a stake. With a swift flick of his wrist, Spike slammed the stake into his ex and watched her body dissolve into dust. Quickly, he turned and Giles joined him on the floor next to Buffy.

“Buffy, talk to me, pet. Please talk to me, luv.” Spike said softly as he checked for a heartbeat. It was faint, but there.

“Hospital,” Giles managed to croak.

As gently as he could, Spike swung her into his arms and whispered soothing words and words of love to her as he carried her to Giles’s car. Tears fell freely from his eyes and he made no notice of them as he beheld her broken, bloody body. He prayed for the first time in a long time to whatever God/dess would listen to him.
At the hospital, he flatly refused to leave her side and stayed in the room never taking his eyes off her. The nurses watched him sympathetically. She needed stitches, blood and fluids. In his haze he heard the doctor and Giles speak. He knew the doctor wanted to know how it happened and Giles quickly came up with a story. Spike didn’t even care, all he cared about was his sweet girl. She had to stay over night and Spike told the doctor he was staying. When he protested, the fangs came out and the doctor sputtered to the nurses to bring in an extra cot. Giles told him it would be difficult come sunup, but Spike didn’t care. Giles shut the curtains and watched as his witch lay in a deep sleep, an IV hooked up to her, stitches up her arm, bruises covering her other arm, and a black eye. He watched as her mate sobbed against the hand he held, all the while whispering how much he loved her, needed her and couldn’t make un life without her. Giles stayed until Spike fell into restless sleep and allowed himself the cry he had been holding in for Buffy and her mate.


TBC>>>

Chapter Eighteen
FLASHBACK
"Hey Joyce, how's the patient doing?" Spike asked as Joyce ushered him inside her home. Joyce had called him earlier that day to tell him that Buffy would be unable to meet him that night for a movie. The poor girl had come down with a nasty flu over night.
"She's…not well. Miserable really. And bored to tears. She hardly slept last night and can't seem to sleep today."
Spike sniffed the air, "that chicken noodle soup I smell?"
Joyce nodded and smiled. "Making her lunch."
Spike grinned. "May I?"
"Of course."
Smiling, Spike scooped some soup, grabbed some crackers and made his way to Buffy's bedroom.
He rapped lightly on the door and heard a muffled, congested "come in". He opened the door and found her staring blankly at the TV, lying on her side. Tissues were all over the place, a cup of water and mug of tea on her nightstand. She was snuggled under the covers, her hair pulled back in a pony tail, her nose and eyes red.
"Hey, pet. How are you feeling?"
She jumped at the sound of his voice and scrambled to a sitting position. "Spike, what are you doing here?"
"Came to take care of the patient."
She pouted. "Really?" There was slight whine to her voice.
He nodded. Setting the bowl down on her nightstand, he sat across from her on the bed. "What happened, kitten?"
"I think too much patrol and staying up late to do homework. I ran myself down. I blame you."
"Me? How can you blame me?"
"Because you're the one who keeps me out so late."
"It's all you missy, I have nothing to do with it. You look like shit."
"Gee, thanks. Hello, I'm sick!"
"I brought you some chicken noodle soup."
"Sounds good. I could use some healing." She went to reach for the bowl, but he swatted her hands away. "Okay, so now I can't eat it?"
"I'm going to feed it to you."
"Really?" She pouted again.
He nodded and picked up the bowl. Lifting the spoon he held it to her mouth. "Now open up like a good girl."
She giggled and opened her mouth. He fed her until the bowl was gone. "You look tired." He noted as he set the bowl down.
"I am. I can't seem to fall asleep though."
"I think I know what might work," he told her. He gestured to the bed. "May I?"
She looked startled, "what are you going to do?"
"Sleep next to you, pet."
"How is that going to help me sleep?"
"Would you just give me a chance here?"
"All right, all right, all right."
He climbed under the covers with her, making sure to put a blanket between their bodies so that she wouldn't get cold. She lay down, facing him and looked up at him patiently. " Okay. Now what?"
"Turn around."
She did as she was told, without question which surprised him. When she had rolled over, he pulled her against him. He ran his fingers lightly down her arm and put his arm against her stomach. "Close your eyes."
She dutifully closed her eyes and he began to purr. She smiled, her eyes still closed and within minutes she was asleep. The door opened slowly and quietly. Joyce stood in the doorway.
Spike put his finger to his lips in the gesture of "sshhh"
"Thank you," Joyce mouthed to him and shut the door. Spike closed his own eyes and followed her into slumber.
END FLASHBACK

Giles wasn't surprised to find that Spike had not left the next morning.
"How is she?"
Spike looked up at Giles, his eyes red and puffy from crying so much. "She's all right. The doctor said she's going to be fine. She might be released by tomorrow. She needs rest. I'm staying with her, Rupert."
"I figured as much, Spike. You can't let her see you like this."
"I know, I just—I keep thinking about if we hadn't made it in time," Spike broke off.
Giles sighed, "I know. I keep thinking that too. I keep seeing the image of her with the knife in her hand—I can't stop seeing it."
"I vowed to protect her always. I vowed to keep her safe. I failed her. I failed her twice," Spike whispered.
"Twice?"
"When I claimed her. It was brutal. I hurt her and I promised to never do that."
"You can't dwell on that now. She forgave you for that already. She needs you now. Who knows what she remembers when she wakes up."
As if on cue, Buffy stirred. "Spike?"
"I'm here, baby," Spike said gently to her, rushing to her side and gently caressing the side of her face.
"I'll get the doctor," Giles said and went after said doctor.
"How do you feel, luv?"
"I hurt. What happened to me?" Her eyes fluttered open and she winced. "My head is pounding. Why am I in a hospital?"
"You don't remember anything, pet?"
"I—I don't know. I can't think—my head."
"Giles is getting the doctor, luv. Just rest. Close your eyes sweetheart."
He could see tears spring to her closed lids. "What's wrong with me?"
"Sweetheart, you need to relax. You're going to make yourself worse."
"Worse than what?" She was nearing a panic. She popped her eyes open, winced again and then looked down at herself. She turned white when she saw her arm. "What happened to me?" She whimpered and collapsed against the bed. Her eyes started to flutter and she passed out again.
"Buffy! No, sweetheart, please don't leave me. Sweetheart—"
"What happened?" The doctor demanded.
"She was awake. She didn't remember what happened to her and when she saw her arm, she passed out. She kept complaining about her head. It hurt. Can you give her something, please?"
The doctor checked her vitals, sent a nurse to get her some painkillers in her IV and told the men he'd be back in hour to check on her again.
Spike took residence next to her as Giles went to get something to eat and drink. Spike watched her as she slept and marveled at how fragile she seemed considering all the power she had within her. She'd been through a lot in the past couple months that she'd been back from her holiday. He was surprised that she hadn't taken off again. He was even more amazed that she hadn't staked him for what he did.
Taking her hand with the good arm in his, he kissed her palm softly. "I love you," he told her.
"Spike," she murmured.
"I'm here, luv. Come back to me, sweetheart. Let me see those beautiful green eyes of yours."
Her eyes fluttered open and her eyebrow furrowed.
"Does your head hurt, pet?"
She shook her head. "Nothing hurts. What did they give me?"
"Painkillers."
"What happened to me, Spike? Was I in a fight?"
"Do you remember anything at all?"
"I remember I left home to run some errands and then to see you. I was on my way to the bank when I heard this woman screaming. I was running as fast as I could to her. I ended up in an alley and there was this woman on the ground, crying. I went up to her and—and that's all I remember. What happened to me?"
"It was Drusilla."
She blinked at him, "what?"
"Drusilla. She—she put you in thrall."
"She put me—she hypnotized me?"
Spike nodded, unable to find words at the horror on her face.
She looked down at her arm, the angry red gash. "She cut me?"
"No, pet."
"Then why do I have this on my arm?"
"She made you do it." He whispered.
"To myself?"
Spike nodded.
Her eyes welled up in tears. "What else did she do to me?"
"She hurt you, all over. There's bruises. When you were late, I went to find you. Giles and I—we went to find you."
"Couldn't you sense I was in trouble?"
"It was faint. With the thrall she had you in, it didn't register that you were in danger. You didn't sense it, therefore I couldn't."
"I take it she knows about us."
Spike nodded.
"Is she dead?"
Spike nodded, "I dusted her. Told you I would if she threatened you."
She snorted. "I'd say she did more than threaten me. What else is wrong with me?"
"You suffered blood loss and a concussion. Pet, I'm so sorry."
"Why? Because it was your ex? Not the first one that's wanted to kill me, certainly won't be the last."
He stared at her. A minute ago, she was in tears. Now, she acted glib about it.
"I'll never get used to the death threats against you," he told her.
"No? You should. This—" she held up her arm. "Will probably be a lot worse one day. One day, I might not even have an arm. Hell, one day…I'll just die. If Drusilla were smart, she would have had me cut myself the other way—"
"Stop talking like that!" Spike shouted at her, bolting up from his place next to her. He looked down to see tears spilling silently down her cheeks.
"What's going on in here?" Giles stood in the doorway.
Buffy gave in to her tears at the sight of him and he rushed to her side, enveloping her in his arms. Spike just stared at her in shock and horror at how casual she made the whole thing sound.
"I want to go home," she sobbed into Giles' chest.
"Yes dear, I know. I'll talk to the doctor. We'll see if you can go home soon," Giles said soothingly.
They sat that way for a long time and she fell asleep again against Giles. The man lowered her down upon the bed and took in her sleeping form with unshed tears.
"What happened in here?" He demanded of Spike. "Making her upset won't help."
Spike told him their exchange and Giles paled considerably.
"She's deeply troubled from what happened," Giles muttered. "It's easier for her to handle it as if it's outside herself, as if it's happened to someone else. It's her way of coping."
"I don't want her to have to cope with it, Giles. I don't want her to have to deal with any of this," Spike said vehemently.
"It's the life she was chosen for, unfortunately."
"No, she was not Chosen. The Slayer is the Chosen One. Buffy…she just happens to be some girl with powers—"
"Just like Superman and Spiderman. They didn't have to fight the forces of evil, but they felt they had no choice. That's how she feels as well. It's how you feel as well, isn't it?"
"I do have a choice, Rupert. Whistler offered me the choice and I took the one that was her. Because I loved her. She has a choice too, she always has a choice. And I want her to take the choice to live. You know, she once berated herself for taking off to Europe instead of staying here and fighting the fight. I thought when she left that she was selfish. I don't think that anymore. I now think it was bloody brilliant of her. Look at her, Rupert! Do you realize what could have—I'm taking her away. I'm taking her back there and I won't let her fight another demon or vampire, ever. She wasn't a coward for leaving, she was fighting for her life. This…this is killing her. I won't let her do it any longer. I won't let her die."
"She's the one that has to make that choice, Spike."
"Listen to yourself—do you want her to stay and die?" He was incredulous.
"Of course not, you stupid vampire. I love her—she's the daughter I never had."
"Then don't you want what's best for her?"
"I always have. But it's been made very clear to me in the past that it's not my place to decide it. It's hers. You saw how devastated she was by the Slayers death. If she let innocent people die because she didn't help them, that would kill her too."
"I'll fight them all. Not her, not anymore."
"She wouldn't let you risk yourself either."
"Too bad."
"Spike, I think right now, you need to let her rest. You should take her away for a holiday. Take her away from here for a while and give her some time to rest. She's had a lot happen to her in a very short time and I fear her mental state is beginning to suffer."
"I'll take her away, and I'll let her decide if she wants to forever stay away. If I have to, I'll find a way to convince her to do it."

Chapter Nineteen

"You want to what?" Buffy asked Spike a week later as he sat before her on the coffee table.
"I want to us to go away for a bit. You loved England so much, we'll go back. I'll give you the tour as I know the place." He grinned at her, trying to gain her excitement. The past week had been nothing if not difficult. Her recovery physically had gone well. The gash on her arm was healing progressively and showed signs of minimal scarring. The bruises on her body were fading and while she slept more than usual, she was healing. In other ways, however, she was distant. Spike had practically settled himself into Giles' with her, but she had sent him home. It had hurt him to the core, but he respected her wishes to be alone. She barely spoke to either man, and oftentimes she was short with them. She barely let Spike touch her, and wouldn't touch him. She was treating him the same as when she'd distanced herself from him before and it tore him up inside. Spike was hoping that bringing up taking a much needed vacation would brighten her spirits and perhaps help her come out of the shell she seemed to have erected around herself.
She looked at him, devoid of emotion. "So, it's okay for me to shirk my responsibilities as long as I'm with you. But, it's not okay to do that when I'm not with you." She picked up her book and looked at it, not meeting his gaze any longer. "I'm not going away, Spike. But if you feel the need to, trust me, I understand."
Angrily, he took the book from her hands and flung it across the room.
"Hey!" She shouted angrily at him and bolted up to get it.
He grabbed her wrist, tightly enough to stop her and yet not hurt her. "What is going on with you?" He demanded.
"Well, I'm a tad irritated by the fact that because you suddenly feel the need to get away, it's okay to leave. But when I left, I got shit for it. No wait, I got bit for it!"
He looked at her as if she had just slapped him. "I just wanted to get away with you, let you rest somewhere where you're happy and relaxed—"
"I can't go away. Can't shirk my responsibilities remember? You were the first one to harp on me about that."
"I was wrong."
She let out a bitter laugh, "really? What made you decide that? When I was almost gutted like a fish by my own hand?"
"I told you long ago that I was wrong for thinking you were selfish for that. I told you that you are the most caring person I've ever met—"
"Well, I care enough to stay and fight the good fight that you're always talking about. Just because you feel a certain whimsy to get away from it—"
"I feel a certain whimsy to get you away from it," he told her sharply.
"Doesn't matter where you go or what you do to get away from it. No matter what you do or where you go—no matter how far you go—every time you turn around, there you are. You've been telling me all this time about accepting my destiny. Now that I have, you can't."
"I can't stand to see you hurt!"
"I've been hurt before, how is now any different?"
"This is the first time you've ever been hospitalized for it. This is the first time you—you—"
"That I could have died. And actually, it's not the first time. There was the vampire gang before that and all the vampires and demons before them. I could have died at any time. I could have been hospitalized at any time. The only difference between this time and all those other times were you weren't with me. You know what I think? I think you feel guilty."
He hung his head in defeat.
"Well, don't. You found me in time and I'm alive. You did your job."
Spike looked up. "Is that all you think you are to me? A job?"
"Well, that's the whole reason you're here isn't it? I mean, if Whistler hadn't come along and introduced us, you wouldn't be here."
"I chose to be with you because I loved you. Not because you were a job to me."
"You ever wonder what would have happened had you never met me? Or if there was some other girl he wanted you to protect? What if there was some other vampire for me to work with? I mean, what's so special about us? Would you have fallen in love with some other girl? Was this the way it was meant to be because I'm a supergirl and you're a vampire? Is it just a workplace thing? Is it even real? If I was just some normal girl with no powers would you still love me? Or is it the superpowers that really turn you on? Does a girl have to be strong in order to turn your head? Am I just hot for vampires? Or is it you? It occurs to me that I've never really given it a chance. I mean, yeah, I've dated, but I've never really tried ya know? I never thought there was a point to it. I always felt that somehow I belonged to you. Me Superpower, you Superpower, why would anyone else be needed? Well, you know what? I'm tired of living my life according to some plan. I don't want to give anyone the chance to dictate to me anymore. It's my life. I'm doing what I want, when I want and how I want from now on."
He clenched his jaw. "What are you telling me here?"
"I'm saying that I think going away is a good idea."
He blinked, "you do? We can—"
"No, Spike. I think you going away is a good idea."
He touched his chest—did she just stake him? It felt like she did. He shook his head, "no, no. I won't leave you."
"You don't have a choice this time. I don't want you here." Her voice sounded so devoid of emotion. It blinded him. He couldn't see straight, if he needed to breathe, he would have passed out.
"You don't mean that."
"No? Why don't we find out?"
"How can you say this to me? You know I love you. You're not just super girl to me. You know that—"
"I'm really not in the mood to listen to your side right now," and she turned away from him. "Let yourself out."
He grabbed her arm, her good arm and tugged her forcefully to him.
"What are you going to do, Spike? Bite me?" She challenged him coldly.
He let her arm go. "I'm not leaving you. And I'm not letting you leave me."
She shook her head and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Haven't you figured it out yet? I've already left you."
He shook his head. "You haven't. Not yet."
"Goodbye Spike."
He started to go after her when a voice stopped him. "Let her go."
The sound of the door closing signaling Buffy's departure was the only noise in the room before Spike spun to Giles and screamed at him. "Are you trying to keep me from her now?"
"I'm trying to help you, actually." Giles said calmly.
"How?"
"If you run out of here after her, you will not do anything but further anger her and push her away."
Spike plopped down on the couch, defeated. "What's going on with her? Why is she pushing me away like this? We were doing so well. She had feelings for me, she admitted she had feelings for me."
"She loves you. She still does."
"That certainly didn't feel like she loved me!"
"She's confused right now, Spike."
"How can she be confused about how I feel about her?"
"She's not. Deep down, she knows you really love her. And she loves you. She's distancing herself to cope with what happened. It scared her more than she's willing to let on."
"I know it frightened her and I want to help."
"She doesn't want your help or mine. It just wasn't the fact that she almost died that frightens her so much. It's how it happened, that it was by her own hand—"
"That Dru toyed with her mind."
"Right. That someone had that control over her."
Spike shook his head, "and of course that reminds her of when I claimed her and forced myself on her."
"I'm afraid so. She never did come to terms with her place as a girl who will never be normal. A lot has happened since she came home and hasn't really had any time to adjust. First you, then the Slayer's death, the vampire gang, you again and now Drusilla. It all came to a head when Dru attacked her. It frightens her to think that a demon could come along and toy with her like that. She feels as if she has no control over her life and it makes her angry. Therefore, she's lashing out at everyone involved. She won't barely speak to me either, Spike. Her coping method is to hide inside herself and shut the world out. In this way, she feels she'll also protect everyone from getting hurt should anything happen to her."
"So what do I do? Just wait until this rides itself out? I know she's in pain and she won't let me help. She wants me to leave."
"No, she doesn't. She thinks she does, but it would kill her if you did. Give her space, but be here in case she needs you. Don't crowd her, but be around. It will reassure her that no matter how angry and hurt she is, you still love her. Offer your help to her, talk to her, don't shut yourself out, but don't force her into anything."
"Is that what you've been doing?"
Giles nodded and sighed heavily. "She won't talk about what happened and I won't force her to talk about it. I told her that if she needed to talk about it, I would be here. She hasn't approached me about it and I won't push."
Spike sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch. "If she goes out at night to patrol, I have to go with her. I can't just let her go alone. Not when she's like this."
"As well you should. Just don't be surprised by her anger when you do."
"At least if she's angry, she's talking to me. That's got to be better than her silence."

*Yeah, I know, she's being uber bitch. Giles knows what's up though! TBC...with explanations from Buffy's side. Have no fear, Spuffy will persevere!

Chapter 20

"Spike? What are you still doing here?" She had come in late after a night with Faith and Anya. They'd gone club hopping and she'd come along for the ride. She hadn't been comfortable with the attention her friends gathered from the male populace, so she'd hung back, which caused her to curse Spike. Hadn't she been the one to pretty much tell him she wanted to do her own thing, including dating other people? But no, all she'd done is feel guilty about it.

She came home to find the very vampire she was feeling guilty about sleeping on Giles's couch. She stood there, watching him for a while, touched that he stayed. Then angry because he'd stayed. If she could make sense of her conflicting emotions, it would make her life a whole lot easier.

"What time is it?" He asked groggily.

"Two."

"What time did you get in?"

She rolled her eyes, "well dad, I got in about a half hour ago."

"Where were you?"

"Out."

He sat up and studied her. She stared at him, not moving.

"Did you have fun?" ‘Not really. I thought about you the whole time.'

"Yes. Again, why are you still here? You do have a home." ‘I'm glad you're here though. I don't know what's going on with me; please help me. Forgive me.'

He smiled fondly at her, "you're my home, remember?"

She shook her head. "Knock it off, Spike." She grabbed his arm and pulled at him. "Come on. Go home." ‘Why am I lying to him?'

"Knew you couldn't keep your hands off me," he teased.

She shook her head, "you're a pig, Spike."

"Oink, oink."

When he refused to budge she gave up. "Fine, do what you want." She started for her bedroom.

"I love you," Spike called after her. She didn't respond. Shutting her door, she leaned against it and sank to the floor. She hoped he didn't hear her crying.


A few days later Buffy sat in the kitchen reading a magazine and sipping her coffee when the front door burst open and in came a smoking Spike. She jumped up, startled. She came running into the living room to see if he was all right.

"Are you on fire?" She asked, concerned. She circled him, checking to see if he was ok.

"I'm all right, pet."

She then glared at him and punched his arm.

"Ow!" He yelped and glared at her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing going out during the day? Are you insane?" She yelled at him.

"Have been for quite some time now, luv," he quipped. He rubbed his arm. "Sorry I taught you that right hook."

She couldn't help but smile at that. "Serves you right." She strolled into the kitchen to grab her coffee.

Encouraged, Spike followed her. "What are you up to sweetness?"

"Drinking coffee. Now I'm going to get dressed."

"Need help?" He smirked. She made to punch him again and he ducked out of her range.

"Are you here to do some more research with Giles?"

Spike nodded. His research with Giles consisted of finding out what big evil was headed for the area. Giles was also teaching Spike some of the fundamentals of magick. Spike figured it wouldn't hurt to learn some things to better in tune himself with Buffy. When that was done, he hung around for the sheer fact that he wanted to be there with her in any capacity she would let him. Which, wasn't all that much. She often retreated to her room or went out for long periods of time. This had been the most they'd talked in three days.

"Great. Well, have fun." She started for her bedroom.

"Where are you going today?"

"Not sure." It was like pulling teeth.

"Who are you going out with?"

"Believe it or not, I do have friends outside of you and Giles. I'm going out with Anya and Faith."

Spike was concerned. Hanging out with those two usually meant guys were involved in some way.

Play it cool, he told himself. "So, you don't know what you're doing huh?"

"Nope. That's part of the plan. Not to have a plan. Just do whatever strikes our fancy."

"Sounds like fun."

"It will be, I'm sure. Giles went to run a few errands so he should be coming back soon."

"I miss you," he told her quietly.

That startled her for some reason. "You've seen me every day," she finally said.

"This is the most you've spoken to me in three days."

She looked down and Spike noticed guilt pass across her features.

"I have to get ready," she mumbled and walked out of the kitchen.

"I deserve to know why you're angry with me."

She stopped, her back to him. "I'm—I'm not angry with you."

"Then why won't you talk to me? Why won't you let me touch you? Why won't you spend time with me?" He hated how desperate he sounded but he couldn't stop himself. He was literally aching to hold her in his arms, to feel her aliveness, to bask in her laughter, to listen to her melodious voice talk to him. He missed her desperately and was nearing the point of being beyond caring how pathetic he sounded.

She turned and faced him; eyes welled up with tears. She wouldn't look at him. "I'm not…anything, Spike." She sighed. "I can't explain it, it's hard."

"Try. Please."

She brushed furiously at her tears that were starting to spill. He wanted to go to her and started to move toward her and she held up her hand.

"Please, don't."

"I want to help, Buffy."

"You can't, okay? No one can. You want to know how I feel? I don't feel anything, that's what I feel. Numb."

"It's normal to feel that way after what happened."

"I don't want to talk about what happened!"

He moved closer to her, "you can't keep it bottled inside. It'll drive you mad."

"Yeah, no kidding." She shook her head and then looked up at him. "How did you kill the Slayers?"

He was taken back by that, and he took a step back as if she had hit him. "What?"

"How did you kill them? Did you do what Drusilla did to me?"

"Oh God, no—" He choked. "You're ashamed of me."

"I just need to know how you did it. Did she help you?" Her tears were freely falling now, but her voice was emotionless.

"No, I did it on my own. I—I didn't do what she did. It was pure fighting."

"How did it feel?"

His own eyes welled up, "don't ask me that. I don't like to remember that. How can you ask me that?"

"Can you really fault me for wanting to know? I mean you spent a century with her. You killed two Slayers. She tried to kill me. You had to know that question was coming. The only thing keeping you from killing me, is your soul."

"Even if I didn't have my soul, I wouldn't kill you. I love you."

"But you'd go back to killing other innocent humans. Maybe bag yourself another Slayer."

"No," he shook his head, "no, I wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't need a soul to not kill. You're my soul."

She was thrown by that answer and some tears fell. "I need to go," she whispered.

He watched her walk away from him and tears of his own fell.

"She never asked you about them before?" Giles asked later on as they looked through some books.

"She did, but it just threw me off guard. Today when she asked, she was curious but disgusted—with me—as well." Spike ran a hand through his hair, "she's angry with me for what I did."

"Do you blame her?"

"No, how can I? When I think about what I did—the soul burns me when I remember my victims. I just never thought she'd be the one to remind me of how much it kills."

"She's hurting, so her defense is to make you hurt too. She wants you to feel her pain."

"I do feel it. In my blood. Her pain is my pain. All I want to do is make it go away."

"I know," Giles said sympathetically.

"Has she spoken to you about anything at all?"

Giles shook his head, "not much. I ask her every day if she wants to talk about it, but she refuses. I just don't want her to think I don't care or plan to pretend it didn't happen. She is craving empathy, not sympathy."

Spike leaned back on the couch and glanced at the clock. "She's been gone for a while—"

The door flung open and Buffy breezed inside. "Just gonna change and I'm out again!" She called as she ran to her bedroom.

"She's been doing that a lot lately. Staying out almost all day and all night." Giles commented.

"I know. Part of the plan to avoid, I wager."

"It concerns me however when it comes to slaying. She might rather exhaust herself."

"Hey Gi—oh, Spike, you're still here?"

Spike stood and faced her. His jaw dropped. "You're not bloody well going out dressed like a trollop!" He shouted at her.

She raised her eyebrows. "You're dating yourself. ‘Trollop' went out with the…20's." She turned to Giles. "I'll be home late, don't wait up."

"Stop." Spike commanded using his control as her mate. She stopped, turned and glared at him.

"Spike," Giles said warningly. "Don't force her."

"Are you both ganging up on me now?"

"No one is ganging up on you, Buffy." Giles reassured her.

She shook her head, "I'm so gone now," and she flew out of the house quicker than Spike could catch her. The squeeling of tires were the only thing left of her. Spike rushed to grab his jacket and he bolted for the door, muttering under his breath.

"What are you going to do? You do anything rash and she'll never forgive you for it."

Spike stopped at the door and glared at Giles. "I'm through playing her game. I'm through letting her walk all over me and treat me like I don't exist!" He slammed the door and followed her scent. That skirt was mini enough to be nonexistent and that halter top showed off more than if she wore a damn bikini! Every pimply faced sodding git within a mile of her would be sniffing around her. And why would she wear something like that out—without him—if she wasn't planning on having those exact results? He growled. He was going to track her down and take her home.

Chapter 21

Buffy was hesitant at first, but when she thought back to how suffocated she felt with Giles and Spike constantly around, she was more than happy to do it. A little vacation was just what she needed. Anya and Faith were beyond thrilled. Who could blame them? It wasn't often she agreed to their little rendezvous. It was so sudden—which is often how it happened with the two girls. First they were driving to the club and then all at once Anya got it in her head on how fun it would be to go Salem and spend the night club hopping, get a hotel room and make a weekend of it. She had no clothes, but of course Anya did in her trunk. Anya was all about spur of the moment. This wasn't the first time whimsy had taken over her. Suddenly, Buffy felt free as they sped down the highway. Weights lifted and a sense of peace washed over her. This was just what she needed. A break. Fun. Isn't Spike fun? A voice asked inside her head. She frowned. She didn't want to think of the tiny tinge of guilt his name produced. Yes, of course he's fun, she told the voice. I just want to forget for a little while longer who I am, what I do. I want to forget that I almost died. I want to block out the thoughts that I want it all to end. And not in a pleasant way. The voice reminded her she couldn't run forever, and especially not from Spike. She felt a twinge of guilt as she recalled the look on his face when she told him she wanted him to go, when she told him she'd already left him, when she'd asked him how it felt to kill those two Slayers. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind. She was just so angry at everything. She was angry at her mother for giving birth to a girl with extraordinary powers, angry at Giles for being the only one she could share magick with, angry at Spike for being the only one she could share everything with.

She was terrified for what happened to her. Terrified it would happen again. She shuddered. She hadn't told anyone, but she remembered what happened to her days after she arrived home. She remembered holding the knife in her own hand and being powerless to stop herself from cutting. The blood, the fear. She never wanted that back again. Then the disturbing thought had passed through her mind that at least that way, if she were killed, she would be free of it. Then she thought about her mother, Giles and mostly Spike. How could she leave any of them, but mostly Spike? She felt as if she were cracking up for thinking it, and almost wishing it.

Being attacked the way she had by Dru, she felt mentally raped. She was so tired of people dictating to her what she was, what she was supposed to do, what her job was. She completely sympathized with the plight of the Slayer and superhero's—however fictional.

She knew she was being irrationally mean to Giles and Spike. It hurt her to do it, but sickly enough, that was part of the reason why she did it. She hadn't been lying to Spike when she told him she felt numb. The only time she felt anything was when she was being angry. Staring at the cold, black sky, she wondered when she was ever going to stop.

It was late by the time they found a hotel to crash in. Buffy knew she had to call Giles and let him know where she was. If she didn't turn up tonight, he'd worry. She wasn't like a normal adult where she didn't have to report to anyone. If she didn't report to them, they'd think she was offed by a demon.
She waited until Anya and Faith had left the room before calling Giles.

"Giles, it's me."

"Buffy? Where are you?"

"I'm in Salem. I'm staying overnight. Maybe two nights."

"What? You're in Salem!?"

"Yes, Giles, relax. I'm fine, everything's fine. It was a spur of the moment thing. I'll call you tomorrow and check in—"

"Call tonight. I won't be able to sleep if you don't. What hotel?"

"Salem Inn. Room 208."

"I'm worried about you," Giles said on a sigh.

"Don't be. I'm fine. This is a good thing. Just…don't tell Spike."

"I can't do that."

"Fine, then just try not to for as long as possible."

"Do you remember what happened the last time you took off and kept something from
him?"

She flinched. "Bye Giles." She hung up. She would be a lot happier if Spike didn't know.

But Spike did know. Giles had to keep him from flying off the handle as he spoke to her. He'd gone mad searching for her. He'd been desperate when he came back to Giles and just as if she knew, she called the second he entered the door.

"I'm going after her."

"Spike—"

"Don't tell me not to do it, Rupert. She takes off like that and doesn't tell anyone until she's there?"

"She's an adult."

"She's not bloody well acting like one! She's acting like she has a bloody death wish! I'm going after her and I'll drag her by her hair back home if I have to." With that Spike slammed the door for the second time that night and went in search of his car.


It was nearing Halloween in Salem and therefore extremely busy. Salem was, of course, the Halloween capital of the world. People were already wearing masks, tourists lined the streets and Buffy felt panic set in. Vampires. They would be out and about. Demons, too. She had a couple small stakes in her purse, but images of Drusilla popping in her mind caused her fear to bubble up. Oh god, what if another one used thrall? How could she defend herself? The chances could be slim—Drusilla was the only one to have ever used it on her, and she'd met many vampires over the past eight years.

"Are you all right? You look a little pale," Anya observed as they waited to get into a club.

She smiled widely, fakely. "Yep. Just want to get my groove thing on."

Faith and Anya laughed and the three were soon ushered in. The club was huge. There was a bar in the back, two floors and fluorescent lights blazed everywhere. Bodies gyrated, music blared and people laughed. Taking Anya up on the offer of a drink, Buffy chugged down a beer. It would relax her and yet not make her drunk. She didn't want to lose all logic. If she had to protect herself or her friends, she didn't want to get hurt by being drunk in the process. She'd never hear the end of it from Spike or Giles. Definitely Spike though. Guilt washed over her again as her bite mark flared and she ignored it for the thousandth time that night. Instead, she joined the dance floor and let the music dictate her thoughts for the next half hour.

The boys were hovering around the three girls and it made Buffy a tad uncomfortable. She blamed Spike for it. She felt a nagging guilt. She almost felt as if she were betraying him, but all she was doing was dancing. And besides, didn't she owe it to herself to find out what other men liked? How other men responded to her? She'd dated sporadically, but nothing ever serious. She'd never been able to relax enough to truly enjoy herself. She always ran to Spike afterwards, desperate to be around a male she could actually be herself around. Now, here she was, surrounded by men who wanted her attention and she felt like a goddess.

"I need a drink, I'll be right back," Anya told her and sashayed off. Faith and Buffy looked at each other, shrugged and continued to dance. She danced, laughed and flirted some more. It was some time before she realized that Anya was taking a long time coming back.

"Faith, have you seen Anya?"

"Nope!" She giggled at the boy in front of her.

Buffy stopped. Signals were going off in her body. The same kind that had gone off before Drusilla came.

"Are you all right?" The boy in front of her asked her.

She looked at him blankly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I need to find my friend."

"She left a few minutes ago. She went outside with some guy."

"What?!" Buffy grabbed Faith. "We have to find Anya. She left with some guy."

"Good for her!" Faith giggled.

"Listen to me! It's not safe. It's dangerous. She could be hurt! He could be a vam—a rapist!"

"She probably just went outside to have a butt."

Buffy threw up her hands in exasperation.

"I'll go with you," the boy in front of her said.

Buffy eyed him warily. "I don't even know your name."

"Xander. I'm Xander. I go to Salem State." He stuck out his hand.

She took it, "Buffy."

He smiled, "nice name."

"Thanks, listen, my friend here—"

"She can stay here with my buddies."

"Did you know the guy my other friend left with by any chance?"

"No ma'am. Never seen him."

"You don't have to come with."

"It's not safe for you to be out there alone either."

Buffy smiled. There was chivalry in the world.

"Thanks. I think you should know that if you try anything though, I'll kick your ass. I have a
black belt." The last part was a lie, but she couldn't exactly tell him of her super powers.

He held up a hand in surrender. "Got it. No harm, no foul. Just want to help."

"Thanks. Let's go."

Xander told his friends where he was going and to make sure Faith didn't take off and the
two left. Buffy was annoyed with her ‘friends'. How rude could they be? How stupid? Didn't they know that there were vampires roaming around—no, duh, of course not! Buffy sighed.


Spike hated bloody Salem right at this instant. It was crowded and busy with tourists, college and high school students. Some were dressed up in costumes already, everyone was frolicking and it made getting through the crowd difficult. He growled deep in his throat.

The whole ride here he had been seething with anger, hurt and jealousy. She was acting like a
child, she was being irresponsible and reckless. She was battering his heart into a thousand pieces and he wasn't going to take it any longer. Oh he knew he'd never leave her, but he was putting his foot down, he was going to be strong gain a backbone. No more shutting him out, no more using him as a punching bag. He was tired of her loving him for a short time and then going back to treating him like crap.

He froze. She was in danger. She was frightened and her adrenaline was rushing. He could feel it in his blood. That's when he saw her, running down the street at full force with someone following her, calling to her to wait.

He shouted to her and started after her. He ran, pushing people out of the way. She was in
trouble, that was all he could see. She disappeared out of sight and Spike inhaled the air for her scent. He spun in a circle and picked up her scent to the left. He ran down a dark alley and took a right. That's when he saw her, pushing a man off her friend. The man rose and Spike knew he was a vampire. He called to her and ran over as fast as his feet would carry him.

"Don't touch her! Don't mess with her you crazy vampire!" She was screaming at the vampire.

Spike got ready to stake.

She began fighting the vampire as Spike approached. He called to her, but she didn't even recognize that he was there. He looked to see the boy and Anya standing there with their mouths open, frozen in shock. He tried to call to Buffy again, but she continued on. The vampire was weakening. He was starting to lose his energy as Buffy pummeled him. Spike saw a resemblance to when she invoked Kali, except he knew she hadn't invoked the Goddess.

"You're nothing! You're a fucking vampire without a soul! You're evil and disgusting! You won't control me. You won't hurt me anymore Drusilla!" She ranted at the vampire at the top of her lungs.

Spike's eyes widened. Oh God. His dead heart swelled and broke. She wasn't fighting the vampire before her. She was fighting Drusilla. She was lost in her rage and her fear. She remembered, that's the only thing he could think of. She remembered what happened to her and it was messing with her mind. Watching her now, Spike knew there was no way out of the hell in her mind unless he stopped her. She was in such a blind rage that she couldn't think or see beyond what happened to her. If he didn't stop her now, she'd be lost to him forever.
****

Buffy's world was a blur. All she knew was her friend was in danger of the same fate as she had been. The long flowing dark tresses of Drusilla blew in the wind and her vampiric face snarled at her. It told her that this time, she was going to kill her just as she intended and there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

Something snapped inside of Buffy though. Something unleashed within her and rage like had never felt before raged within her. She didn't hear the cries of her friends yelling for her, never even noticed when Spike had arrived. All she knew was she had to attack, and this time, kill. She lunged at the vampire and attacked with vigor. She sent a kick to her stomach and she landed on the ground with a thud. Then Buffy went in for the kill. She kept hitting and hitting, briefly wondering if it were possible to kill her with punches alone. She was going to at least try.
***

"Forgive me, my love," he said under his breath and lunged forward. Using all his strength, he charged to her and flung her off the vampire she now straddled and pummeled. She went back a good five feet and Spike used the opportunity to stake the beaten vampire. Dust flew and he walked to where she lay, now propped up on her elbows. Her eyes were wide with fear, sorrow and disbelief. He knelt down in front of her and held out his hand.

"Spike?" She asked in a small, trembling voice.

"It's me, Buffy. Come back to me."

She lunged herself at him and he caught her in his arms, holding her tight against him. He
stroked her hair tenderly, whispered soothing words of comfort as she sobbed in his arms. Whatever dam she had built inside her had finally burst. She was shaking and although he knew it was not because of the cold, he found a way to shrug off his duster without breaking contact from her. He wrapped the duster around her and cradled her close.

"I remember what happened. I remember holding the knife in my hand and being powerless to stop myself. I was screaming inside to stop, I was in so much pain, but I couldn't stop it," she broke out through sobs.

Spike wanted nothing more than to be able to stake Drusilla again and again to make her pay for what she did to Buffy.

"I didn't know what to do to make it stop and I couldn't get to you. I thought I was strong
enough to do it on my own and I wasn't. I wasn't strong enough to take care of one single vampire."

"No, Buffy, no! She played with your mind. She controlled you. You're strong. You're stronger than any bloody Slayer I've ever known. So brave, my girl is so brave and strong. I should have been there and I wasn't. God forgive me for not being there to protect you."

She looked at him, her tears streaming down her face. Her sobs ceased, but she cried inside, sobs still making her body shake. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you stake her."

His eyes widened. "Oh God, do you actually think--?" He crushed her against him. "I don't feel sorry that I did it. I told you if she ever hurt you, I'd do it. You mean more to me than she ever did. You are my life. I would stake her a thousand times over if it meant I'd keep you safe, if it meant I'd get to love you."

"I'm sorry I pushed you and Giles away. I'm sorry I was so hurtful. I couldn't stop myself. I –I think I almost wanted to die."
The thought horrified him. She had had a death wish.

"I know," he whispered and his own tears began to fall.

Her eyes widened. "You know?"

"Most Slayers at one time or another have them. I was hoping you'd never get one, but I know…I know. You want the pain, the fighting, the fear all to stop. The only way is to die. But, Buffy, that's not the answer—"

"I know. I don't really want to. I just…it passed through my mind and I thought I was cracking up."

He shook his head and smiled tenderly at her as he wiped stray tears from her cheeks. "Not cracking up. That's why I wanted to take you away. Get you away from all of it so that the day did not come when you did want to die."

"But I can't! I can't just leave. I can't let innocent people die because I'm not a Slayer and I have the option. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"I know that too. That's what makes you the bravest and strongest woman I know. It's part of what makes me love you so much. That heart of yours is so big—you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known in my entire existence. You have more bloody soul, spirit and heart than even any Slayer I've come across. And you feel the burden of it all." He looked at her imploringly, "let me take some of that weight for you. Give it to me. Let me fight with you and for you."

Her eyes seeped tears, but she was no longer sobbing. "How can you do that?"

"What?"

"Love me. I'm so awful to you."

"There's been times when you haven't been your best to me, I admit. But, you take care of me as much as I take care of you. You gave me a life I didn't know I was missing. You brought me laughter, love and a reason to get out of bed every—night."

She chuckled through her tears.

"I'm so tired, Spike," she admitted. She wiped her tears on his shirt and rested against him.

"I know, pet. I know you are."

"And I'm scared."

"I am too. I'm scared for you. I'm scared you'll wake up one day and want to die so much
you'll let it happen. I'm scared when you hide inside yourself and I can't reach you. I'm scared that one day I won't be able to find you."

"I can't die. I have a family, friends…and I can't leave you Spike. I love you and it scares me to think about the day when I do die. I know it sounds silly, but I'm scared to be without you when I die."

He froze. He pushed her back a bit and held onto her shoulders. She looked at him questioningly.

"Did you just tell me you loved me?"

She nodded. "I should have told you a long time ago, but I was too stupid to figure it out.
I'm sorry it took me so long."

His eyes welled up; he couldn't help it. She finally said it. He had to be flying now.

"Spike?" She asked, concerned.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

He pressed his lips against hers, claiming her, branding her and she responded in
kind.

He broke apart and looked at her still-dazed face. "Listen to me, when you leave this world…when you leave, I go with you."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head adamantly. She pushed away from him and stood up. "No, you can't do that! Why would you—how can you do that?"

"There's nothing else for me this world if you're not in it. I'm old, Buffy. I'm old and I've seen the world a thousand times over. This here, this with you is the only thing that's ever fulfilled me. If I go on without you…I wouldn't be living. I would be existing. If the Gods are kind, they'll place me with you. In Heaven. Where you go, I go."

She was crying again. "But I don't want you to feel that way. I want you to be happy and continue on. Fighting the good fight. Isn't that what you always told me to do?"

"I have and I will. I just can't do it without you." He tossed her a small smile. "Guess you can't die on me then."

"If I don't die by a vampire or demon, I'm going to grow old one day and die."

He nodded. "I know."

"You're not going to want to be with me when I'm old and gray."

He smiled, "oh yes I will."

She furiously wiped some tears away. "I'm so tired," she whined.

He stood and wrapped her in his arms. "What do you want to do now, pet?"

"I want to…I want to get a room and not go home yet. Can we do that Spike? Can we just
rest?"

He nodded and kissed the top of her forehead.

"Where did Anya and Xander go?"

Spike narrowed his eyes, "who is this Xander character?"

"Be nice. He helped me find Anya."

"Did you—do anything with him?"

She detangled herself from him and smiled. "Yes, we had hot monkey sex right on the
dance—"

She was cut off by Spike grabbing her and kissing her hard. She giggled and he softened the kiss.

"Let's get a room," he told her gently and wrapped an arm about her shoulders.

"I need clothes."

"Don't even get me started on that outfit!" He admonished her.

Chapter 22

Spike smiled as he heard her splashing in the tub. Then groaned with the images it gave him. “You okay in there, pet?” He stood at the door.

“Yep.”

“Water’s got to be cold by now isn’t it?”

“That’s the thing about faucets and hot water. You can turn it on when you need more.”

“No need to get snarky!” He could hear her laughing to herself. He smiled. “I got some food as requested.”

“I’m coming!” And he heard the water unplug. He grinned and set out the food as he waited for her.

She came out smiling, padding in on bare feet as mist from the bath seemed to follow her. The scent of raspberries trailed with her. After securing a room just outside Salem, they went in search of any place that could be possibly be open so she could get clothes. They found a Wal-Mart. He was dragged in, much to his chagrin. Thankfully, she was quick about it. He made her keep his duster on, not wanting the whole world to see his girls very exposed body. She rolled her eyes at him, but agreed. She had scolded him when they hit the panties section and she had found him fingering some of the lace. She had also turned bright red to the roots of her hair. He had grinned suggestively and stuck his tongue against his front teeth. She walked away from him, shaking her head and muttering something about ‘leering boyfriends’.

It all changed when they hit the clothes section of course. He chose a sweat suit.

“Am I running tomorrow?”

He looked sternly at her, “you’re not wearing anything close to what you’re wearing now.”

She shook her head at him again and proceeded to choose bootleg jeans and a green v-necked sweater.

He looked at the ground. “That works.”

“That’s what I thought.” And then she chose her night wear for the night. Pajama bottoms and a tank. Then, of course, she had to get the necessary toiletries. Spike had a running commentary going on some of the lotions, ointments and medications he found.

She had laughed at him and then took his hand, dragging him to the register. She had announced her need for a hot bath and the fact that she was starving once they returned to their hotel. Spike glared at her for not telling him sooner and she eased his glare by giving him a sweet kiss. He was putty in her hands after that. He went out, searching the town for what was open. He had settled on an Italian restaurant. He had gotten her favorite pasta dish—baked ziti. Then, a couple cokes.

She eyed the food happily. “You the best.”

He laughed and sat down with her to eat a dish of his own.

“I called Giles while I was out,” he told her.

“Is he freaking out?”

“He’s worried about you, but not freaking out. Now that he knows you’re safe, he feels better.”

She nodded, took a bite and then looked at him thoughtfully. “I came to a realization tonight.”

“What’s that luv?”

“That I’m so much better off knowing about vampires and demons. I was so annoyed when Anya took off without telling me where she was going. Even more annoyed when Faith acted as if it were no big deal. I mean for one thing, she has no business leaving a club with a strange man that she just freaking met and for another how could she have known he wasn’t a vampire? She couldn’t have. I was…happy in the fact that I knew better. Even happier that I have the strength to fight them.”

“Do you want to call your mates and find out if they’re okay?”

“I should,” she sighed. “Guess there’s no hiding what I am now to them anymore is there?”

“Or you could just tell her she was too drunk to know what was going on. Play it by ear.”

“I like your logic.”

“Because it so closely resembles yours,” he grinned.

“Well, yeah.” She stood up and stretched, yawning. Spike watched her and thought how very much like a cat she was. The tank lifted showing off her perfect, tight abs and he admired the muscular tone to her body. She was perfect. All female and yet strong. He grabbed her and sank her down on his lap as she let out a little yelp. He nuzzled her neck and buried his face in her hair.

“You’re so bloody beautiful.”

She rubbed her cheek against his head and planted a kiss on the top of his curls. “You’re so bloody gorgeous,” she told him.

He chuckled into her neck, causing her to shiver as his breath tickled her.

“Spike, I’m sorry. Again.”

He looked up at her, “already forgiven.”
She smiled, “yeah, I know, but I’m still sorry. I’ve been so awful to you.”

“Not all the time.”

“Promise you won’t ever give up on me? No matter how awful I am.”

He shook his head and tucked some stray hair behind her ears gently. He looked up at her with so much love in his eyes, she almost had to look away. She forced herself not to, this was her Spike. The love of her life. She wasn’t going to hide from him any longer. He never hid from her.

“Sweetheart, I would never—I could never give up on you. I love you. Always have and always will. You are my mate and my life. I will spend the rest of our lives worshipping and loving you.”

She nodded, words failing her and she kissed him. She stopped too soon for his liking and she looked at him in merriment. “I bought you something!”

He furrowed his brow and held her tighter when she tried to move off him. “Can I just hold you for a while longer?” He asked her.

She nodded. “I love you, Spike.”

He smiled. “Could you say it again?”

“You’ll get tired of hearing it.”

“Never.”

“I love you, Spike.”

“Again.”

She laughed. “I love you.”

“Spike,” he prompted.

“Spike. William. I love you, William.”

He moaned at her words and smothered her in a kiss that left her breathless.


She bought him silk black pajama bottoms while he wasn’t looking. He lay in bed, propped up against the headboard flicking through the TV. She came out from the bathroom and he tried to calm his nerves. What would she do? Sleep in the same bed with him, or take the other bed? He wasn’t planning on sex with her tonight. She needed rest and to put her head together. Sex was an act that would just add to the confusing emotions swirling inside her.

“This Letterman bloke is kind of funny.”

She nodded in agreement and without looking at him, she crawled in next to him and lay her
head on his chest. He smiled contentedly to himself and wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

“Do you mind if I sleep here with you?” She asked quietly a bit of trepidation in her voice.

“Do you even have to ask such a silly question?”

She giggled, and kissed his chest. “I guess not.” She cuddled up closer and yawned.

“Do you want me to shut the TV off?”

“No, you don’t have to.”

He flicked it off and burrowed under the covers, dragging her with him.

“Spike, you could have—“

He shushed her by kissing her gently. “You need to rest.”

She yawned. “I know.”

“Would you like me to read to you?”

“What are you going to read? The bible?”

“I happen to know a lot of Byron poems by memory,” he said in mock indignance.

She grinned and snuggled next to him, draping an arm across him and resting her head back
on his chest. “Read to me.”

He began to recite the poems he memorized by her favorite author. By the second poem, she
was fast asleep. He followed her into slumber shortly thereafter.

He awoke to find her watching him with a smile on her face. He smiled back sleepily. “What are you doing?”

“Watching you wake up.”

“What time is it?”

“Noon.”

He shot up in bed, “Noon? What time did you get up?”

“Two hours ago. Slept like a rock.”

“You mean, I actually slept longer than you?”

She nodded. “I called Anya and Faith. They’re okay. We’re going to have a long talk when
we’re home again. Xander was there with them. Weird huh? In some weird way, I played matchmaker. Then I used your car and got some breakfast. I was dying for a French Vanilla Dunkin’ Donuts coffee with extra cream and two sweet n’ lows. And a bacon, egg and cheese on a plain bagel. Then I went grocery shopping so that I wouldn’t have to leave you again today. Oh wait. I do have an appointment later on for a hair thing. That won’t be for long though. Oh, and I did manage to swing by a butcher and got you some blood. It’s in the fridge. There should be enough for a few meals. I didn’t know how hungry you’d be. The guy just asked me point blank if it was for a vampire. I didn’t answer him, but he told me a whole long story about how he used to be in some kind of vampire mafia thing. He kept them supplied and they kept him in good business. Then the leader got dusted by the Slayer and they all left town for greener pastures. Funny huh? I can’t even imagine an Italian vampire. I mean, Italians are all about eating. Must have had a few bodies lying around for guests and made them eat no matter if they were full already. This was a whole long thought process as I tickled your feet until you woke up. I tried not to laugh when you moved them away from me—why are you laughing?”

“Have you taken one breath since you started talking?” Spike burst out through fits of laughter.

She giggled. “I had a lot to say.”

“No shit!”

She laughed, “that’s what happens when I’m left alone for too long. My thoughts go nuts.”

He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her neck.

“I’m sorry I slept so long,” he murmured huskily.

She shivered a bit as he spoke against her neck. “It’s okay. I’m perfectly
capable of amusing myself without getting into trouble.”

He grinned against her neck and kissed it gently. She moved so that she was straddling him and she wrapped her arms around him. He looked up at her, hungry for a real kiss and pulled her down to kiss him. She moaned against him and slid down his lap a bit. She froze and pulled away, staring at him.

“What is it luv?” He asked, leaning in for a kiss that she deftly maneuvered away from. He groaned. “Want a kiss.”

“You’re hard,” she blurted out.

He knew he was hard. It was just something he’d come to expect in the morning. Especially when she shared his bed. Or, just about anytime she was near him. He nodded slowly, unable to guage her feeling about it. He knew she’d felt it before. She’d always dutifully ignored it, not bringing any attention to it and what it meant. Now however, now he could see a flicker of something in her eyes.

Her cheeks flamed red in a second and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. She looked up at him through her lashes. “Can I touch it?”

His eyes widened and immediately grew harder at her words and the images it provoked. “Are you—do you—are you sure?”

She nodded. “I’ve never really…seen one up close. And I mean, if it’s going to be in me one day then I want to learn about it first.”

Her words made him shudder and he brought her against his chest and smothered her in a deep kiss. She pulled back breathlessly.

“Was that a yes?”

He nodded, unable to form words. She slid down and moved over his straining erection. She straddled knees and looked up at him. He stared at her hotly, waiting to see what she would do next. He didn’t have to wait long. In an instant she yanked the sheet down and took the pajama bottoms with it. His erection bounced free and she gasped. He watched as she shyly averted her eyes at first and then slowly looked back at it. She cocked her head to one side and stared at it as if she were conducting a science experiment. He was aching for her to touch him, her gaze had him highly aroused and he didn’t want to ejaculate just by her staring at it.

Tentatively, she reached out and touched the head. He jerked and shuddered. She looked up at him and pulled her hand away. “Did I hurt you?”

He shook his head, “no, god no. It felt good, so good,” he told her hoarsely. “Please don’t stop.”

“Just don’t…don’t cum on me okay?”

He nodded and closed his eyes briefly.

She reached out and touched the head again. “Tell me what to do.”

“Stroke it. Stroke it up and down.”

She nodded and wrapped her hand around it. A pearl of precum oozed from the head and she put her thumb on it and swirled it around the head. Spike groaned at her ministrations and bucked his hips. He could smell her arousal, even if she wasn’t aware of it, and he wanted to sink himself into her. He couldn’t though and it was taking all his restraint. Gently she stroked down and then up, watching the veins and the tender flesh ripple. He groaned and his head rolled back against the headboard with a thud. He jerked back to watching her as she yanked it twice, more rough than before.

“Did I hurt you?” She asked softly.

He shook his head.

“Can’t hear you,” she told him.

“N—n—no. Just like that, perfect.” He found speech difficult.

Biting her bottom lip and looking up at him with hooded eyes, she leaned down and flicked her tongue against the head, causing more precum to ooze out.

“Oh, Christ Buffy.” He ground out hoarsely.

She used the pre cum to lubricate him and began to wank him quicker. Then she’d stop and go slow, all the while watching his reaction. He was going crazy. He wanted her to continue and he wanted her to stop. He wanted to cum and he wanted to prolong the pleasure. He wanted to take her and he didn’t want to frighten her. She was in charge this time. It turned him on even more. When she flicked her tongue against him once more, he knew he was at the end.

“I’m gonna cum, baby,” he warned her and quick as a cat she grabbed tissues off the nightstand and watched in fascination as he came into them, globs of cold cum in the tissues.

“I did that?” She asked him in wonder.

Quickly he discarded the tissues, grabbed her by the arms and hauled her up against him. He kissed her deeply, passionately, carnally. Their tongues dueled and she moaned. He buried his hands in her hair and kissed her as if the world were coming to an end. He couldn’t get enough of her, didn’t want to ever get enough of her, wanted her all the time. The need to breathe caused her to break apart from him. Her eyes were dark with lust and he knew his eyes had to match hers. She was breathing heavy and she fell against his chest. He was still naked and becoming aroused yet again, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Was that a yes?” She asked.

“A thousand times yes, bloody hell yes!” He exclaimed enthusiastically. She giggled against him and the sound and feel went directly to his hardening loins.

“How is it possible that you’re getting hard again?” She asked him, looking up at him.

He smiled and cupped her face in his hands, giving her a sweet lingering kiss. “That’s easy pet. I love you and I want you. I get hard just thinking about you. And, there is something to be said about vampire stamina.”

“Y-you do?”

“Don’t you know yet how much I love you? How bloody gorgeous you are to me? All you have to do is smile at me, whisper to me, just enter a room and I want you.”

“I-I want you too, Spike.”

“I know you do sweetheart. I can smell it, I can see it in your eyes.”

She gulped and kissed him deeply this time. She was pressing against his erection with her jeans and the friction was driving him mad. He flipped her over in one swift movement and hovered above her. Her bee stung lips, her eyes dark with desire, her blond hair splayed across the pillow, her chest heaving…it was a heady mix meant to drive him insane with wanting her.

“I want to taste you,” he whispered.

“Taste me?”

He gently cupped her jean-covered sex in the palm of his hand and she bucked her hips. Understanding registered.

“No one has ever done that before,” she told him, half ashamed and half in fear.

“Look at me, Buffy.”

She met his intent gaze.

“I’m glad no one has. Means I’m first. And last. Means you’re mine, pet.”

She nodded, biting her lip.

He kissed her sweetly, “just relax pet. No worries.”

Since he didn’t figure she’d feel completely at ease being totally naked in front of him just
yet, he left her shirt on as he trailed kisses down her body. He cupped her breasts in his hands and sucked them through her shirt. She arched up into him and her nipples hardened instantly. He left open mouth kisses on her taut belly and quickly undid her jeans as he did. He slowly slid down her jeans and discarded them. He watched her as he worked. She bit her lip and watched intently. When he reached for her panties she started to cross her legs. He stopped her by gently smoothing his hands down her soft skin. God, was there any part of her that wasn’t perfect?

“Don’t ever feel ashamed of your body, pet. You’re a work of art, so bloody perfect. Your body is an altar, my altar, and I want to worship you.” He began to drop kisses on her legs until she relaxed and then he reached for her panties. Slowly he slid them down and inhaled her heady scent.

“Oh baby, you’re driving me insane with wanting you,” he murmured reverently as he nibbled on her belly.

He parted her silky legs and slid a finger along her slit. She gasped and bucked her hips. He looked up at her and found her gazing at him with dazed eyes. He grinned and immediately latched on with his mouth.

He heard her head hit the pillow with a slight thud and let out a noise that was part moan and part gasp.

He smiled against her sex and lapped around her walls. She hissed and looked down at him again. This time, he made his tongue straight and hit her clit directly with the tip.

“Spike,” she gasped and her head rolled back again. He went for it then. He flicked her clit
with his tongue and she began to writhe on the bed with breathy gasps and calls of his name. He took a finger and slowly entered her with it. Her hips bucked and she moaned. He flicked his tongue against her and began a rhythm with his tongue and finger. When she began to clench around his finger, he pulled out and only used his tongue to lap at her.

“Oh my God, Spike!” She screamed softly, her hips undulating, her chest rising, her eyes rolling in the back of her head. She came inside his mouth and it was the most delicious sight he had ever seen and the most pleasurable taste in his mouth. He lapped at her juices and she shuddered again, orgasming once more. He pulled away, knowing how sensitive she must feel by then.

She looked at him and held up her arm in invitation. He rushed up her body, resting next to her and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her hungrily.

“I love you so much,” he whispered as he nibbled on her lips.

“Mmm…I love you too.” She murmured. Then what she did next, surprised him. She grasped his straining erection in her hand and began to wank him off once again.

“God,” he rasped. She gave him a smoldering sexy look, holding him steady with her eyes. He couldn’t tear his gaze away as she wanked him. He couldn’t stop himself from using his finger to find her sensitive spot once again. He pinched the bundle of nerves gently and she gasped as her head fell on his shoulder. He fingered her slowly, building up the pressure and then he almost lost it when he felt her teeth graze his neck.


“Do it,” he said roughly, “do it.”

She found she couldn’t stop herself. She felt she not only wanted to mark him, but taste him
and have him a part of her as well. She needed it, plain and simple. She bit down and was surprised to find her incisors elongate and pierce his skin. His coppery blood spilt on her tongue and she felt a starburst of color explode behind her closed eyes. Along with that was a burst of exquisite energy that she felt was uniquely Spike. She felt him, all of him. His love for her, his soul, his worry, his power, his energy coursing through her. It was all part of her now.

“Mine,” she growled as she retracted her sudden fangs. “You’re mine.” She felt him cum on her fingers and her bite was aching to the point of hurt. “Do it, Spike. Bite me.” She begged.

He bit down and she came instantly. She heard him growl his claim on her and then tended to her by laving the mark with his tongue. He was closing the wound. Something he hadn’t the chance to do before. She could feel the wound close and felt it hum pleasurably under his ministrations.

She felt her own essence combine with his and surge through her. She felt him in her, over her, all around her and she wasn’t in pain. It was exactly how he and Giles said it would be. Erotic, perfect and sweet. She felt their love combine and settle inside her. It was the most peaceful and overwhelming thing she’d ever felt.

She was breathing heavy, trying to reign herself in. He was panting even though he had no need for air. He looked at her with so much love and tenderness in his eyes she almost cried.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded. “More than all right. Perfect. Spike, that was—I didn’t know. Is that what you felt when you claimed me?”

He nodded.

“I can see why you didn’t want to let me go,” she murmured in wonder.

“No, pet. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I can’t.”

She nodded. “I know. I—I felt it too. I felt it all. All that was you inside me.”

“And all that is you is inside me. In my blood, in my heart.”

She nodded, still processing and feeling the after affects of their claims. She just needed to
hold onto him and ground herself, however, the cum on her fingers signaled her attention. She moved away from him and he looked at her in a mixture of shock and hurt.

“I need to wash my hands,” she told him. “They’re kind of, um, sticky.”

He nodded and let her go.

“Pet? What’s this about a hair appointment?”

“I made an appointment while I was out,” she told him over the running water.

“What are you going to do?”

She came out of the bathroom, pajama bottoms now on. Spike lay there under the covers in
all his naked glory. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks despite all they had just done.

She smiled mischievously. “Not sure yet.”

“You know I love how you are already, right?”

She rolled her eyes, “yeah, I know. I just want to do it. You know, a change. Kind of mark the moment.”

He grinned, “which would that be?”

“Dirty boy. The moment where I stopped being so depressed and angry at the world. The
moment where I was honest with you, finally.”

“I’ll stand behind that.”

“And you know my motto: When the going gets tough, the tough color their hair.”

He laughed and reached for her.

“Oh no, forget it. I climb back in there with you and I’ll never leave.”

He pouted and she couldn’t help but melt at that. But, she did not cave. “Stop pouting.”

He tried, but he just pouted some more. When he saw that she was not going to give in, he
rolled out of bed and grinned when she averted her eyes and a blush crept to her cheeks. He kissed
her forehead. “I’m going to shower. Will you be here when I get out?”

She looked at the clock, “no, but I’ll be back later.” She went and grabbed her jeans, then as he was going in the bathroom she stopped him by giving him a kiss. “Love you.”

He smiled, “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”

She smiled back. “It’s rather easy to say.”

“Told you it would be. Love you too.”

She smacked his bottom, “go shower.”

“Frisky little girl are you?”

She waggled her eyebrows, “guess we’ll find out won’t we?”

He groaned and smothered her in a passionate kiss, the desire for her growing again. She
could feel it against her leg. Gently she pushed at him. “You shower. Me, hair.”

He moaned in protest, but listened. When the door closed behind him, she let out a sigh of
contentment and desire. If she hurried out, she could hurry back. Pulling on her jeans, running a
brush quickly through her hair and grabbing her purse, she practically ran to the hair dressers.

Chapter 23
She wanted a different look and a different look she got. Her long hair was cut to just her shoulders with face framing layers and auburn highlights were added to her strawberry blond hair. It created a funkier Buffy It brightened her whole face. She felt like she had a whole new head. She loved it, she hoped Spike did too, but didn't really care if he did. She liked it and that was all that mattered. Right? Goddess, she hoped so. Deciding then and there that she wanted Spike to take her out, she got her make up done. Nothing drastic, but just enough to bring out her eyes.

"You going someplace special tonight, honey?" The hair dresser asked.

"I want to, but my boyfriend doesn't know that yet."

The woman smiled. "Get yourself a nice dress and live it up. He'll be putty in your hands."

Buffy smiled, "that's the plan."

So, she took the woman's advice. She went shopping. She found an absolutely beautiful dress. In pink of all things. It was an empire cut dress, accentuating her bosom and yet at the same time not being slutty. It was a classic look. It was pale pink with darker pink roses embroidered all over it. As soon as Buffy saw it, she fell in love with it. A pair of shoes, and an underwear set later, she was all set. As time went by, she felt the need to be with him increase. Her neck was going crazy. And him, she could feel him inside her, wanting her, calling to her. She was going to have to chat with him about that. Was it a time thing? Was it something they could control? Or was it something that would just be? She didn't feel he was in danger, she just felt that he wanted her with him. Badly. She thought of driving him nuts a little longer, but his blood in her wouldn't let her. She was practically running to get back to the hotel. She had barely walked through the door when Spike assaulted her. He grabbed her in his arms and kissed her hungrily. Her bags went to the floor, forgotten.

"Spike," she gasped as he trailed kisses down her throat.

"I missed you," he murmured.

"Were you—did you use the claim?"
He looked up at her, meeting her eyes. He looked guilty. "A little bit, yeah."

Her eyes widened. "That was a little bit?"

He grinned, "felt it, did you?"

"Like a mac truck!"

He kissed her swollen lips, drawing out her tongue. "Just can't get enough of my girl," he muttered.

She pushed at him and he looked startled and hurt.

"Spike, you didn't even check out my hair! And I bought a dress so that we could go out tonight. And, makeup, I had that done too. Don't smudge it." She pointed at him accusingly.

He stopped, and took her in. She waited patiently for him to say something, anything. His eyes sort of glazed over and he walked closer to her, slowly, and reverently swept his hand through her hair. He smiled as he fingered it gently and then he met her eyes with his own.

"I've always loved your eyes, pet," he told her. "Your hair is like sunshine. Which makes sense because you're my sunshine."

She smiled at him, but couldn't resist. "Your only sunshine? Do I make you happy when skies are gray?"

He shook his head at her antics and then kissed her. "Yes, always."

"I bought a dress. We're going out." She informed him as she picked up her dress from the floor and hung it in the closet.

"So I heard. Does this mean I have to get something to wear?"

She slapped her hand over her forehead. "Crap! I forgot that part!"

Spike chuckled, "'s ok luv. I'll go out and get something." He peered out the window. "Dark enough now."

"I'm sorry, Spike."

"Don't be. Nothing to be sorry for. You go get ready. I'll come back ready okay?"

She nodded, a big smile on her face.

"Kiss?"

She pretended to think about it and then lunged at him, dotting his face with kisses.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" He murmured.

"You can tell me again, I don't mind."

He gave her a lopsided grin. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled back and shooed him to the door. "Go. I need to get ready. Oh, I need to call and make reservations. I saw the place I want to go to while I was out."

"Ok, luv. I'll be back soon."



He knew she finally came to terms with his love and devotion to her, but he wondered if she really knew the depth of it. How she saved him, how she weaved herself inside him and took up residence. How he lived for her, or rather unlived for her. He wondered if she knew she had ruined him for anyone else, ever. He didn't think she quite understood how her smile could make the once "Big Bad" weak in the knees, how many times just the sound of her voice, especially after a long hiatus from her, could drive him to distraction. Everything she did drove him to distraction. She was his drug, his blood, and he couldn't ever bear to be apart from her. The idea terrified him.

Now, as she stood before him in her new dress, he felt he could almost weep with the beauty she possessed but did not realize. To say she was perfect was not a strong enough word. She was the One. The only. Forever. If he was possessive or jealous it was only because he knew that he wasn't the only one to see her for who she was. He was so afraid of her leaving him that it sometimes truly did choke him. She was the only thing in his life he'd never been able to do without. The thought terrified him and calmed him at the same time.

It amazed him how she looked at him with such love, desire and happiness. How her eyes lit up when he was near, how she smiled more and how she told him without reservation how she loved him. This gorgeous, beautiful soul loved him. It was intoxicating. It made him want to be better at everything so he could feel one iota worth of her love.

She stood on tiptoes and kissed his slightly hanging open mouth and giggled. The sound was like a chorus of angels. "Spike, you're so handsome. If any girl ever touches you, I'll slay them."

He shook his head, feeling like she had just blessed him. "No one ever will, baby.
Just you."

"Let's go. I'm hungry." She tugged on his hand and he followed. He always followed wherever she led, didn't he?

"So, where are we going, pet?" He asked as she led him through the tangled streets of Marblehead.

"We are going to this restaurant that I discovered today. It looked very interesting. Very…Victorian and quaint and the food sounds out of this world."

"I'm guessing there are no buffalo wings?"

She shook her head and giggled. "Sorry, honey."

He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and stopped suddenly. She looked at him, questioningly. Silently he held out his arm and she beamed at him and took it, slinging her arm through it as he escorted her through the streets. She steered him down one street and pointed at the place. Walking in, it was quaint and homey. It wasn't a large place with everything matching, but rather small and interesting. The tables varied in size and decoration. The seats were like armchairs found in a living room—comfortable. A fireplace was going against one wall which just added to the comforting atmosphere. Soft jazz music played in the background which Spike knew she loved. Fresh flowers bursted out of large vases and the room had an airy, floral smell to it that wasn't overdone. It was just right. They were escorted to a corner table, perfect for the two of them. He noticed her pleasure with the place because she could not stop looking around. She was positively glowing as she took it all in. He smiled fondly at her.

"I love it here," she told him softly.

He smiled, "then we'll come here more often."

She nodded and then picked up the menu. "Oh, wow. Prices are a bit high. That's okay. I got it—"

"I'm paying for my girl," he cut her off.

"Spike, this is the twenty-first century. I invited you out—"

"Buffy, I want to. Please let me pay. I want to."

"Half?"

"No."

"Spike—"

"Don't argue with me, Buffy. I want my girl to enjoy herself."


"And I will." He opened his mouth and she cut him off. "Okay. You can pay." She
smiled mischievously. "I'll make it up to you later." And she hid behind her menu. The image of what she could do to make it up to him made Spike groan.
"Vixen," he told her on a whisper. He could hear her melodic laugh behind the menu and he smiled.


After the dinner plates had been cleared and dessert had been selected, Buffy moved her chair closer to Spike. He grinned and immediately reached for her hand. He kissed the back of her hand, grazing her knuckles. "Having fun, sweetheart?"

She nodded emphatically and swept a hand gently down the side of his face. She looked at him with absolute love in her eyes and Spike felt as if he were floating. "I love
you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered back. "I really want to kiss you."

She grinned and blushed slightly. "Later," she promised. Dessert was placed before them and he reached for a fork. She swatted his hand away and furrowed his brow. She picked a fork up and cut into the chocolate confection. Raising a forkful, she raised it to his mouth. He waggled his eyebrows and opened his mouth, devouring the treat. He watched her mouth part slightly and her pink tongue darted out to lick her lips in anticipation. He groaned at the sight and when she moved the fork away, he snatched it from her and cut a piece for her. He raised the fork to her lips and she cocked an eyebrow, giving him a seductive look. He felt his pants tighten immediately. Focusing on the fork in front of her, her tongue now darted out to lick the syrup dripping from it. Spike could only watch riveted. She swirled her tongue around the fork before enveloping it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and moaned with pleasure a faint smile playing on her lips. He couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. She let out a silent yelp and his tongue engaged with hers, tasting the dessert inside her mouth. She pulled back covering her mouth with her hand as she swallowed and he could see the red in her cheeks. He swallowed what he had in his mouth and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"I want to take you right here on this table. I want to spread your delectable body out and drip this chocolate syrup on your heated body and then lick it off you before I make love to you all night long." He flicked her ear with his tongue and found her chest heaving. A familiar, enticing scent filled his nostrils and he became harder. "I think we should get this to go, pet. What do you think?"

She nodded, gulping.

He moved away from her ear and signaled to the waiter across the room. "Check, please."

Spike had to restrain himself from attacking her in the restaurant and he found that she was as aroused as he was. Yet, nervous. When they finally reached outside, he took her by the hand and maneuvered them through the crowd and into a dark alley.

"Spike?" She started.


He broke her off by pushing her against the wall and devouring her mouth with his, all the while grinding himself against her. She moaned and her hands went to the nape of his neck where her fingers caused shivers up and down his spine. She pressed herself closer against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I want to make love to you pet. Do you want to?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure? I don't want to rush you—" he was broken off by her kiss.

He could have taken her right then and there, but he didn't want her first time to be in an alley. She whimpered slightly when he pushed away and took her hand. "Hotel. Now." She nodded her assent and they practically ran to the hotel.

Once inside the room, she started to worry her bottom lip with her tongue.

"What's wrong pet?" He asked, coming up to her and lightly putting his hands on
her small waist.

"I'm suddenly nervous."

"Do you want to wait?"

She shook her head vehemently. "No, I want to make love with you Spike. I just don't want to disappoint you. I might not be good."

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her full on the mouth. He put his forehead against hers when he broke apart and stared into her eyes. " "Impossible. You'll be perfect. Remember this morning?"

She blushed and nodded.

"You turned me on more than anyone, ever. You always have. Don't be nervous. Trust me."

"I do trust you. With my life."

He squashed his lips against hers and started to walk her towards the bed. When her knees hit the side, she stopped and pushed at him a bit. He stopped and looked at her in question. She bit her bottom lip and reached behind her to undo her zipper. He caught on and stopped her. Wrapping his arms around her, he reached behind and unzipped her dress, letting it slip from her shoulders. He stepped back as it fell to the floor and he gasped at her beauty. She wore red and pink panties and bra with a pink garter belt and sheer nylons. His lust was going through the roof. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer, kissing her with all the lust he felt. She responded in kind and pushed off his suit jacket. She started to paw at his tie and he helped her discard it. She pulled away and stared at him as she undid the buttons to his shirt. He had no need to breathe, but did anyway, and now he was just about panting with his need for her. When his shirt was discarded he pressed her against him, needing to feel her flesh against his.

"God baby, you drive me crazy," he murmured as he trailed kisses along her jawline to her ear and back to her mouth.

"Tell me what to do," she whispered.

"You're doing it" he responded hungrily and pushed her gently on the bed. She kicked off her shoes and lay her head on the pillows. Her hair was like a halo around her and all he stopped and stared at her, spread out before him. She was a vision. She was a Goddess. And he told her so. She looked away from his reverant gaze.

"Look at me, pet," he said, his voice hoarse with lust. She looked up at him and watched as he climbed up the bed to her, a panther crawl. Her eyes were lidded with desire as she watched him move, the muscles rippling in his arms and back. When he was close enough she wrapped her arms around his neck and hungrily brought him to her lips. He laid on her and she did not seem to mind one bit. His hands reached around her back and unsnapped her bra in one fluid motion. Her breasts free, he cupped them gently in his hands and she arched up to his touch, breaking the kiss.

He watched her with unbridled lust. "Don't ever feel that you're not worthy of my love, of my desire. You are a Goddess and I want to worship you."

She looked up at him. "If I'm your Goddess then you are my God, Spike."

He groaned and kissed her, making a path to her throat. He licked at his mark and she moaned pleasurably. He trailed further down and when he came to her breasts he stared at them in awe. Perfection. He took one in his mouth and laved the nipple with his tongue, tasting, probing. She curled her fingers in his hair and whispered his name. He brought his attention to the other and marveled at how responsive she was to his touch. He moved lower and licked her belly button. She bucked against him and when he reached the place he sought, he pulled her panties down slowly. He stared at her body before him and a thousand sonnets and love poems came to mind.

"God, you are so beautiful," he murmured and sank his mouth down on her center. He teased her and she bucked at him, sending the message of what she wanted. He grinned and paid attention to the nub she demanded he pay attention to. She was already wet and the scent was heady, sending his erection even harder which he didn't think was possible.

"Spike!" She called his name on a gasp as she came and he laved at her juices, enjoying the sweetness of her taste.

He stood up then and she looked up at him, panting. "Spike," she said on a gasp. She raised her arms to him. He quickly undid his pants and kicked them away, taking off his shoes and his socks. She eyed him, her eyes dark with desire and passion. She looked up in his eyes. "My Adonis."

He grinned and crawled up to her again, kissing his way up her body. When he reached her lips, she kissed him hungrily. She reached between their bodies and grasped gently onto his manhood. He grunted and thrust his hips closer. She rubbed it up and down as she kissed him.

"I'm going to enter you," he told her finally. His body was demanding completion and the only way it would receive that would be by being inside her. He needed to be inside her, needed to feel her surrounding him. She nodded and held onto his biceps. He positioned himself at her opening and slowly thrust himself inside. He stopped when just the head was inside and watched her face.

"Tell me when it hurts, luv."

She nodded and he pushed further. He could feel the barrier and knew the only way to do it was quickly to spare the pain. He thrust deeper and gasped with how tight and hot she was. God, fit him like a glove. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, not wanting to cum just yet. He also needed to give her time to adjust to him. He looked down at her and found tears in her eyes. She was looking at him as if he were evil.

"Baby, are you all right?" He asked breathlessly.

She shook her head. "I didn't know it was supposed to hurt like this!"

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry." He smothered her in a kiss and began to dot her face with kisses. She started to relax a bit and he started to slowly move inside her. She gasped as he withdrew a little then thrust back in. It felt as if she were swallowing him.

"It'll get better, baby, I promise."

She nodded and bit her lip. He started a steady, slow thrusting and she sighed softly, closing her eyes.

He stopped. "Does it still hurt?"

She shook her head, "no, please, don't stop." It would probably kill him if he had to stop. He felt as if he were touching heaven, sliding into warm cream. Their bodies were meant for each other just as their souls were.

He kept his thrusting slow and steady until she wrapped her legs around him and started to move with him. She opened her eyes and met his.

"Spike…" she panted.

"Tell me."

"I…oh god."

He slipped a hand down to her clit and flicked it. Her eyes widened and then she arched against him and moaned. He continued his ministrations and started thrusting faster. He captured her lips and kissed her deeply as he moved.

"God, Spike, I'm gonna…"

"Yes, tell me."

"Bite me, Spike. Bite me now."

He didn't have to be told twice. He bent his head and bit her neck. To his surprise and great delight she bit him at the same time and they exploded together, shouting each other's name.

Sated and spent, he collapsed to the side of her, taking her with him and laving his mark with her tongue as she did the same. He wasn't ready to unsheath himself from her warmth. She was breathy heavy against him and a light sheen of sweat covered her body. She glowed and he couldn't stop himself from running his hands over her smooth skin.

"I love you so much," he said hoarsely.

"I love you too," she murmured and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"Buffy, look at me."

She looked up at him, her eyes glazed over, her cheeks flushed and hair wild.

"Bloody gorgeous is what you are."

"Aside from the initial pain, if I had known it would be like that, I would have done it a long time ago."

He chuckled and kissed her. "With me I hope."

"Of course," she kissed him.

"You're so bloody perfect. Could stay inside you forever."

"Mmmm, that sounds nice."

He hardened instantly. She looked up at him in surprise.

"Vampire stamina, luv," he grinned as he reminded her. "And, you moaned so sexily."

"Mmmmm….mmmmm…mmmmm."

"Temptress, my temptress." He rolled them so she was on top and he guided her movements. She gasped as she felt him moving inside her and moved so that she straddled him, legs on each side of his hips. He gazed up at her as he moved his hands freely over her stomach, thighs and breasts. "Always loved you. Always will…you're mine. My girl. My Buffy. Love you forever, I will. Can't bear to be without you. Oh yeah baby…god you feel so good. Stay inside you forever. . . we were made for each other, yeah? Yes, made…god, I love you."

"Spike," she moaned and leaned down to kiss him. He flipped her over and thrusted harder into her. He reached down and played with her clit and when her walls started to clench him and she started to come, he joined her in a howl. They rolled over together in a tangle of arms and legs, wrapped around each other unwilling to let the other go.

They made love twice more. As she fell asleep, wrapped in his arms, Spike watched her. He memorized the shape of her eyes, the length of her eyelashes, the roundness of her cheeks, the shape of her nose. He didn't need to breathe, but he could. He matched his to hers and soon he was sleeping with her.

** Just the epilogue left...thank you guys so much for your reviews, I'm so glad you've enjoyed this story :)

Epilogue

Everything was perfect. As perfect as it could be anyway. She was still Buffy and he was still Spike and they could still argue like there was no tomorrow. The best part now however was, they could make up like there was no tomorrow too. They lived together now, Buffy having moved in shortly after their stay in Salem. Spike had asked her immediately, his reasoning-and it made sense-was that they had spent so much time apart and had been in love the whole time (even if someone didn't want admit it), it was just a natural step. Buffy happily agreed, not wanting another moment apart from her mate.

Giles and Joyce were beyond thrilled at their relationship-Joyce having always known that it would happen, always having WISHED that it would. She claimed her daughter was thick, something that Spike readily agreed to. Giles was thrilled that his witch now had found peace within herself and that Spike, who loved her for eternity it seemed, was by her side. Neither of them dwelled on the fact that Buffy would never have a 'normal' life with a 'normal' husband and children. What was normal anyway? And being that normal wasn't part of her vocabulary anymore, Buffy found herself a tad shocked and at a loss for words when she stared at the stick in front of her as she sat on the toilet seat.

She waegnaegnant. According to that stick in her hand, she was with child. How in the hell could that possibly be? Her mind was racing, she was glad, so very glad on the one hand. On the other hand, she was frightened. What if something happened to her? What if she were in a fight and something happened to the baby? She clutched at her stomach, fearful. She'd have to stop slaying for a while. Or forever. She couldn't leave the child to be hurt; she couldn't leave it motherless. And how would Spike react? Would he be accepting of this? He had lived for so long thinking he could never have children and Buffy didn't even know if he WANTED them.

"Buffy?" She heard him call. He was home now, having gone out to get something for them for dinner. She gulped. It was now or never. Not like she could keep something like this from him. Better to face it head on without any secrets. If she learned anything from that strained time with Spike it was that.

"Luv? I've got buffalo wings."

She stood on shaky legs and placed the stick on the counter. Splashing cold water on her face and taking a deep breath, she came out of the bathroom and entered the kitchen. She watched him put plates out and cups. Who would tho thought Spike would own plates and cups? She smiled, since she moved in, that's when.

He turned to see her standing there, hands behind her back. "Hey luv. You all right? You look a little pale."

She nodded. "I love you."

His gaze softened completely as it did everytime she told him she loved him. "I love you too, pet."

"Spike?"

"Yeah?" He asked as he took the food out of the bags and started serving it on the plates.

"Do you remember when we went to the movies and I read your palm?"

He stopped and grinned, "yep. It was our first official date."

"Yeah, remember um, what I read on your palm?"

"You said that I was going to have a long life," he chuckled.

"Do you remember anything else?"

"Marriage." He stopped. "Do you want to get married Buffy?"

She felt defensive now for some reason, "do YOU want to get married?"

"We already are-"

"In vampire traditions, but not by human traditions."

"Do you want to get married by human traditions?"

"Well, only if you want to."

Spike shook his head and sat down. "Buffy," he sounded exasperated. "After all we've been through, you still have to ask if I want to marry you? I just never thought about it. You and I are bound in ways that a typical marriage couldn't even come close to touching. I also know though that marriage in that sense is important to you, being a human and having grown up with that ingrained in you, I can understand that. You don't need to ask me if I want to, if you want to, then I want to."

"Then why did you seem scared about it when you asked if that's what I wanted?"

He looked at her sheepishly, "because I thought you were mad at me for not asking sooner."

She giggled, "we're a pair aren't we?"

"We are," he chuckled. "Is that what you were asking, kitten?"

"Actually no, but I think it's a good idea. Especially now. . ."

"Why especially now?"

"I think you better sit."

"I am sitting."

"Oh, right." She let out a short laugh. "Okay. Here goes. When I read your palm there was some question as to whether or not that palm was for the demon or William."

"Okay," he said slowly.

"And remember how mine said I was supposed to have three kids? And yours said the same thing?"

"Yeah," he said slowly again.

"Well, we don't have three. Yet. But it looks like we'll be having one for now."

He stared at her for a long time. He was in shock. Buffy took it upon herself to go into the bathroom, grab the stick and the box. She shoved the stick at him. "See? According to the box, a blue plus sign means you're expecting. And, on the stick. . . ." she pointed to it, 'blue plus sign."

His jaw dropped. "How--? When did--? How did--?"

"All very good questions. How, well, you know how. When? Not sure, but I'm sure a very nice doctor will be able to tell us that. How did it happen considering you're a vampire? I'm sure Giles will have a field day figuring that one out. Can you say something? Like, full sentences and preferably with emotion?"

"I just never thought I could have children. I never thought," his eyes welled with tears and automatically Buffy's did too. She could feel his awe and his wonder. "I wanted to, for you. I wanted to because I knew you did."

"And you? Do you want to? Do you want to be a Dad? Because you kind of have no choice. Well, you do have a choice. You could decide you don't want to be a Dad and I'd have no choice but to leave you if that was in fact your choice-"

Spike jumped up and smothered her in a kiss. "I want the baby, of COURSE I want the baby," he told her passionately.

She rested her head against his chest, "thank god. I was scared to tell you."

"Why would that scare you?" He asked, cupping her face in his hands and looking at her imploringly with tears in his eyes.

"Because you're a vampire. Not exactly supposed to have kids."

"So that means I wouldn't want them just because I'm not supposed to have them?"

"Well, no. But maybe you accepted that fact and just resigned yourself to it. Or, maybe you never wanted them in the first place."
"I did want children. Yours. I just never thought I could."

She smiled, a watery smile. "So you're happy then?"

"I'm so happy I don't think anything could knock me down."

"Don't say that. That'll just jinx us."

"Right."

"Can we just eat and you can take me to bed?"

Grinning, Spike swept her up in his arms and moved to the table, sitting her down on his lap. "I'm going to feed you. Pretty soon, you'll be feeding our baby. Now, I'm going to feed MY baby."

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, "I knew you would be the one. I so wanted you to be."

Spike held her tightly, "you, my life, this baby. . . you mean the world to me."

"You ARE the world," Buffy murmured against him. Then her head popped up. "What do you think of Dawn for a name?"


The End