A/N Spike can be a jerk in this story. He’s not abusive, he’s simply mean in a couple of chapters. If you don’t like that side of Spike, it’s very simple, don’t read! This story was originally going to be much darker, but I toned it down a lot!


Chapter 1 – Almost Perfect


Buffy Summers slowly walked through the double doors of her penthouse
apartment, tossing her keys down on the small, ornate table that rested by
the door. She turned and carefully walked down the two steps that led to
the spacious living room of the apartment, before turning to her left, her heels
clacking on the polished hardwood floor as she walked toward the master
bedroom. With a sigh, she threw her packages and bags down on the
four-poster bed that stood against one wall.

Turning toward the door that led to the master bathroom, Buffy caught a
glimpse of herself in the antique mirror that hung above her dresser.

“You look tired, Summers,” she whispered to herself, taking in the dark
shadows under her eyes and her pale face. She would definitely have to get
out more. She lived in California, but there was no hint of a tan on her
body. Her apartment complex was even on the beach, but that summer, Buffy rarely left
the confines of her home unless it was to go shop. She didn’t really have a reason for staying
inside- she just chose to.

Shaking her head, Buffy pushed through the bathroom door, shedding her
clothes as she turned the taps on the large whirlpool tub. Wrapping herself
in her silk robe, she pulled her hair up into a clip while the tub slowly
filled. Buffy quickly added bubbles and bath salts before walking back into
the bedroom.

She could see the ocean waves crashing against the shore as she stood and
looked out one of the picture windows.

“I’ll go out today,” Buffy said with a firm nod. “I’ll do something besides
shop for a change.”

Of course, it wasn’t her money. It was his. The apartment was his. Hell,
she even felt like she was his.

She hadn’t seen Spike in while, but she knew he was busy with work. He
always made an effort to see her a few times a week, no matter how busy he
was.

Buffy stepped away from the window, going over to the bed and opening
several bags. Most were from Victoria’s Secret, her favorite store. She
pulled out several of the undergarments. Various styles and fabrics.
Different colors and textures. Buffy didn’t have a lot of preference when it
came to that store.

Buffy held up the black sheer mesh babydoll with the high cut sides and
strappy details. The matching thong completed the ensemble. Buffy looked
through the rest of her purchases- slips, chemises, numerous other
babydolls, gowns. Everything was purchased with Spike in mind. She knew
that he would appreciate the effort, even if he wasn’t around as often as
she preferred.

Laying everything out on the bed, Buffy turned and headed back into the
bathroom. The tub was almost filled, and Buffy inhaled the relaxing sent of
rosemary as it wafted up from the water.

She gasped when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist.

“Hey, baby,” a husky voice whispered before she felt him kiss her shoulder.

Buffy smiled, relaxing in Spike’s arms. “I didn’t know you were coming over
today,” she said, snuggling further into his embrace.

Spike smiled, his hands dropping down to play with the sash of her robe,
slowly loosening it. “I took an early lunch,” he said, leaving slow, lazy
kisses along her neck as the robe parted, his hands sliding upward to cup
her bare breasts. “Make that a long lunch,” he whispered, a smile in his
voice as Buffy moaned against him, pushing herself into him and feeling his
prominent erection against her lower back. “Feel like company in there,
kitten?” he asked, gesturing toward the tub.

Buffy didn’t answer as she turned in his arms and began loosening the tie
around his neck and simultaneously unbuttoning his shirt.

Spike smiled as Buffy bit her lip in concentration, giving her an innocent
look. “You’ve been busy today, pet,” he said, gesturing to the bedroom.
“I’ll have to get a fashion show.”

Buffy looked up and smiled when she saw the smirk on his lips. “Do you
think you could make it through the first thing I put on?”

“Probably not,” Spike replied with a shrug as he slid the robe from her
shoulders. “But that’s half the fun, isn’t it?” he asked with a smile.

“I suppose so,” Buffy said, her hands traveling to work on his belt as Spike
leaned over to shut off the water.

Once Buffy had successfully stripped him of every amount of clothing, she
stepped back and admired the lean, muscular body. Spike stepped forward,
wrapping his arms around her as her hands automatically rested on his chest.
Leaning down for a gentle kiss, Buffy squealed with the unexpected feeling
of being lifted up.

Spike’s lips stayed fused to hers as he stepped over the edge of the huge
tub and quickly sat down with Buffy straddling his lap. Both moaned as the
hot water immersed their bodies, soothing both of them, as Buffy wrapped her
hands around his neck, pulling him closer as he kissed her, feeling his
hands running the length of her thigh to settle at her waist, raising her
slightly.

Buffy gasped suddenly as she felt herself lowered onto his hard shaft,
moaning at the contact as she thrust herself down on him, imbedding him
completely inside her. Her gaze slowly lowered to Spike’s. She watched him
as she began moving against him, his lust-filled eyes watching her as his
hands ran over her wet body. Buffy moaned as she felt him thrust into her,
her fingernails clawing at his glistening chest, careful not to scratch him
as she moved.

Without warning, Spike sat up, effectively changing the angle of his
penetration. He smiled at the cry that Buffy let out as she threw her head
back in bliss. His lips immediately went to her neck as he trailed downward,
leaving soft kisses in his wake. Her hands went to the back of his head as
his tongue lightly circled a nipple before latching on.

Buffy sped up her movements, craving more friction, as Spike’s arms wrapped
around her body, pulling her closer to him. Buffy moaned in frustration as
her movements were stalled.

“Spike,” she whispered, trying desperately to break his hold on her so she
could move freely. “What are you doing?”

“Easy, kitten,” he replied in a hoarse voice. “Have I ever left you
unsatisfied?”

Buffy was able to relax slightly at his words. No, he had never left her
unsatisfied. If anything, he always left her overly satisfied, if such a
thing were possible. He was never completely happy with their time together until
she had at least three orgasms. Buffy wasn’t sure what drove him to give
her such a thorough seeing to, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to argue.

Buffy moaned again as his hands went to her waist, raising her slightly to
give him more movement as he moved in and out of her with an agonizingly
slow pace. Buffy pushed against him as much as she could, her breathing
becoming more labored as she stared into Spike’s eyes, always amazed at the
connection she felt whenever she looked into the sapphire pools.

“Spike, I-I need you,” she whispered in a strained voice. She felt an
enormous sense of relief as Spike let his hands fall away, giving her free
reign to let her move. Buffy’s hands immediately braced against his chest
as she sped up her thrusts, rolling her hips against his as she felt the
beginning of her climax.

Spike seemed to sense the change as well, grabbing her hips again, only this
time it was to assist her, fully pulling out of her and slamming back in at
full force until he felt her inner muscles begin to squeeze him in a
strangling hold. Buffy gasped, seconds before her orgasm crashed into her.
Clutching at Spike as if her life depended on it, she screamed out her
release, arching her back as she felt him begin to spill himself within her
while clutching her in an iron grip.

Both gasped for air as they slowly began to come down. Buffy lowered her
head to rest on his shoulder as Spike ran his hands over her back, gently
playing with the damp tendrils that had escaped the clip.

“That was…” Buffy trailed off in a breathless whisper.

“Yeah,” Spike whispered, knowing what she meant.

* * * * *

Two hours (and four orgasms) later, the lovers lay curled up in the center of
the huge bed, limbs intertwined. Buffy could sense the change in his mood
as his breathing changed. She knew that he was preparing to leave, and she
couldn’t help the sigh that escaped when he kissed the top of her head, his
universal sign that he was about to get up and leave her cold and alone.

Just as Buffy thought, seconds later, Spike was climbing out of the bed and
walking to the bathroom to collect his clothes. Buffy modestly pulled the
sheets up over her chest as she propped her head up on one hand.

“Do you have to go?” she asked as Spike reappeared a few minutes later,
buttoning his shirt as he walked.

“You know I do, baby,” he said, offering her a small smile in the reflection
of the mirror as he began working on his tie.

“You never stay,” Buffy said softly as she avoided his eyes, tracing erratic
patterns on the bed-sheets.

“Buffy,” he said in a warning tone. “We’ve been over this. You know as
well as I do that-“

“That what we have is a good thing, and it’s all you can offer me right now,”
Buffy interrupted, rolling her eyes at the speech that she had heard all too
often since they met six months ago.

“Buffy…”

“No, I understand,” Buffy said, never meeting his gaze.

“Do you?”

Finally looking up, Buffy tried to disguise the hurt in her eyes as she
nodded. “You know I do,” she whispered softly.

“Okay,” Spike said, sliding on his tailor-made coat as he bent to give her a
farewell kiss. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“That long?” Buffy asked with a pout that caused Spike to smile and kiss her
again.

“Tonight, then.” Spike’s smile broadened when he saw Buffy’s eyes light up.
“I’ll see you soon, luv.”

Buffy watched as Spike walked out of the bedroom, waiting until she heard
the click of the front door before she let the tears come to her eyes.
Laying her head back on one of the many down pillows, Buffy stared up at the
ceiling. She and Spike really did have a good thing. She knew that he
cared for her, even if he didn’t admit to loving her. Love would have to
wait, and Buffy knew it. Yes, they would have a great relationship…if he
didn’t go home to his wife every night.




A/N Please let me know what you think!

A/N Okay, I feel the need to emphasize that, although I toned it down, this is still a DARK fiction. I’ve never written anything like this, the most comparable would be Fire and Ice, but if you don’t like that kind of story, stop reading, because you won’t like this one.


Chapter 2 – Broken Promises


Buffy walked into her apartment, shaking the sand out of her hair from
laying out on the beach most of the afternoon. She had been trying to get
her tan back to the golden color it had once been, and she was happy to see
that she had almost accomplished her task. Turning to the right, she
quickly walked down the hall to the guest bathroom, not wanting to leave a
trail of sand all the way through her bedroom.

After a quick shower, Buffy quickly put her hair up in a towel and wrapped
herself in a terrycloth robe before walking through the living room to the
spacious kitchen in the back corner of the apartment.

Spike was coming over tonight, and Buffy wanted to make an effort and go all
out for him. Buffy began arranging everything in the kitchen, setting out
the ingredients for her homemade spaghetti sauce as she set the water on the
stove to boil later.

Ten minutes later, she smiled as she looked around the kitchen. The French
bread was sitting out, waiting to be warmed. The sauce was in the beginning
stages and simmering on the stove, and Buffy turned on another burner for
the water to boil. Tonight was their six-month anniversary, and Buffy wanted
to make it special for Spike.

Buffy quickly left the kitchen and passed through the smaller dining area.
Once she entered the living room, she looked at the clock above the
mantelpiece and realized she was going to be late if she didn’t hurry.

Hurriedly changing into an elegant black dress that hugged her curves, Buffy
appraised herself in the mirror. With the draped neckline that showed a
generous amount of cleavage and the hem that was daringly shorter than she
usually chose, Buffy nodded at her reflection. This dress was sure to knock
Spike’s socks off.

‘Or some other piece of clothing,’ Buffy thought with a giggle as she walked
into the bathroom and began drying her hair.

Letting the natural curl shine through, she applied some mascara and lip
gloss, not wanting to overdo the make-up. Slipping on her strappy sandals,
Buffy made it back to the kitchen just as her water was beginning to boil.
As she was putting the spaghetti in to boil and checking on the sauce, Buffy
heard the phone ring.

Grabbing one of the many cordless phones from a base in the kitchen, Buffy
pressed the talk button.

“Hello?”

“Hello, luv.”

Buffy had to smile at the soft tone that she was greeted with. “Hey,” she
said softly, the smile still on her face. “Are you on your way?” she asked,
covering the spaghetti before stirring the sauce as she waited on his
answer.

“No,” he said quietly.

Buffy froze, her hand gripping the phone as she waited for him to say more.

“I’m sorry, luv, but Dru made reservations for us in some fancy restaurant.
If I could get out of it, I would, but I only just found out.”

Buffy fought the tears in her eyes as she tried to control her breathing.
“So you’re not coming over at all?” she asked, feeling as if her heart was
breaking.

Spike paused for a minute, and Buffy could almost see him biting his lip as
he postponed the inevitable. “No,” he said in a gentle tone.

Buffy took a deep breath before slamming the lid down on the pan of sauce
and turning off all the burners on the stove.

“What was that, pet?” he asked worriedly.

“Nothing for you to be concerned about,” Buffy said in a harsh tone. She
knew he didn’t plan this, but it wasn’t the first time something like this
had happened, and Buffy wasn’t exactly feeling generous tonight.

“Buffy, listen to me, I-“

“You didn’t mean for it to happen,” Buffy interrupted, trying to keep the
rage out of her voice. “You didn’t mean to hurt me, you didn’t mean to
break another promise. Save it, Spike! I’ve heard it all before!”

“Buffy, I’ll make it up to you,” he said in a soothing voice. The same
voice he used when he was talking to clients of his company.

“Yeah,” Buffy said sarcastically, trying her hardest to keep from crying.
“That’s what you’re best at, isn’t it, Spike? Making it better. Public
Relations really is your strong suit…”

Buffy trailed off at the knock on the door. Walking through the apartment
in confusion, she opened the door and was met with a huge floral
arrangement.

“Buffy Summers?” the small man holding the flowers asked.

Buffy took the phone away from her ear as she nodded, letting the man in and
gesturing for him to set them on the coffee table.

“Thank you,” she mumbled as he walked out before turning her attention back
to the phone. “You’re a piece of work, do you know that?” she asked, her
eyes shining. “You can’t buy me off when you do something like this.”

“It’s worked before,” Spike said, trying to lighten the mood but only
serving to make it even worse.

“So, what’s next?” Buffy asked. “My guess would be diamonds.”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t,” she said softly, shaking her head, even though he couldn’t see it.
“Just don’t,” she whispered before disconnecting the call.

Buffy felt her chin quiver as she stared at the flowers. Did he really
think this would work? She looked down at the phone in her hand that was
incessantly ringing. Caller ID informed her that it was Spike- as if she
couldn’t have guessed.

Buffy took a deep breath as anger seemed to cloud her vision. Pulling her
arm back, she let the phone fly across the room, connecting with the wall
and effectively dislodging the battery. But of course, the ringing didn’t
stop. After all, there were about five different phones in the penthouse.

Grabbing her purse off the end table, Buffy looked at the display of flowers
again. For a moment, she thought about throwing it to the floor.
Shattering the beautiful crystal vase and sending glass shards flying over
the hardwood. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that she would
have to clean it up.

Dropping her purse, Buffy picked up the flowers and walked into the kitchen,
depositing the vase in the trash and resisting the urge to throw it into
the metal wastebasket. She took the flowers and dumped them in the sink,
shoving what she could down the drain as she flipped the garbage disposal.

When over half were effectively gone, Buffy turned off everything and walked
out into the main room again. Picking up her purse, she left her cell phone
sitting on the coffee table, knowing that Spike would try to call it soon,
since the main line had stopped ringing a few moments ago.

* * * * *

Twenty minutes later, a tearful Buffy found herself in front of her best
friend’s house.

“Buffy,” Willow gasped as she opened the door. “What happened to you?”

Buffy let the other girl lead her inside and direct her to the couch.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Willow asked worriedly as her girlfriend Tara
walked into the room.

“It’s nothing,” Buffy said, sniffling and shaking her head. “It’s
just…tonight was our six month anniversary, and…”

“And he broke the date?” Tara supplied softly, sitting down next to Buffy.

She nodded miserably. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised. It’s not like
he’s great at keeping his promises,” she continued with a wry smile.

“You care about him,” Willow said, soothingly rubbing her friends back.

“But does he care about me?” Buffy asked quietly, not directing the question
to anyone in particular.

“You know he does,” Tara said softly.

“I know…otherwise I wouldn’t be so miserable when he doesn’t show up,” Buffy
said, trying to control her tears.

* * * * *

Later that night, Buffy was unlocking the door to her apartment. She’d spent
the last four hours eating ice cream and popcorn while watching cheesy
eighties movies with her friends. It was a long overdue, spur of the
moment girls' night, and Buffy felt a hundred times better.

At least until she opened her front door and encountered Spike standing in
the middle of her living room with a lit cigarette in his hand.

Despite his imposing presence, Buffy refused to be intimidated in her own
home. Dropping her keys and purse on the table, she never made eye contact
with him as she headed for the bedroom. “There’s no smoking in here,” she
said in a strong voice, knowing that Spike would be following her. “You
should know that, what with as many times as you’re NOT here.”

Buffy slipped out of her dress with her back to him, not caring if he was in
the same room. Pulling out a cream-colored, sleeveless satin nightgown that
skimmed the floor, she was about to slip it on when she felt his arms wrap
around her waist.

“I’m here now, baby,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

“Forget it, Spike,” she said, pushing him away and pulling on her gown.
“You’re here too late.” Turning around to face him, she gave him a long
glare before continuing. “I’m guessing the Mrs. didn’t feel like putting
out tonight.”

Spike’s gaze turned cold as he stared at her. “Careful, Buffy,” he said in
a menacing voice. “That’s my wife you’re talking about.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said with an agreeable nod. “And I’m just your whore.”

Spike clenched his jaw and looked at the ceiling as Buffy left the room,
passing through the living room on her way to the kitchen. Spike caught up
with her at the doorway, grabbing both her shoulders and spinning her to
face him.

“I’m sorry about tonight, Buffy. I didn’t know you had all that planned,”
he said, gesturing into the kitchen. “And I have never treated you like a
whore.”

Buffy turned her head as Spike moved in to kiss her. “Go home, Spike,” she
said softly.

“I can stay another hour, Buffy.”

“Just what a girl wants to hear,” Buffy replied with a fake smile. “Please,
come over for an hour and fuck me so you can go home to your wife and do
whatever the hell you want.”

“Buffy…” Spike trailed off as Buffy pulled away from him, walking into the
kitchen.

“Go home to your WIFE, William,” she called with her back to him, not
wanting him to see the tears in her eyes.

“I’ll call you in a few days,” he said softly before walking out the door.

Buffy closed her eyes, trying to will away the tears as she heard the door
shut behind him. Losing the battle, her head fell into her hands as the
sobs started.

‘God, I want him so much,’ she thought. ‘But not like this. I want to be
the only woman in his life. Not the other woman.’

A/N In case anyone is wondering, Drusilla is Spike’s wife. I mentioned ‘Dru’ but I realized it wasn’t exactly clear or it could have easily been skipped over. I hope that clears it up. Please review!


Chapter 3 – Once Upon a Time


Buffy lay on her bed, clutching her tearstained pillow to her chest as she
tried to quiet her sobs. She hated herself for the weak, needy person she
had become.

“You used to be better than this, Summers,” she mumbled to herself,
miserable. “Once upon a time, you never would have let a man destroy
everything that was you.”

‘Once upon a time,’ she thought. ‘And once upon a time, you also had a dream
of the prince that would magically come into your life.’


6 Months Ago


Buffy laughed as she ran across the playground, being chased by a group of
rambunctious five year olds, before pretending to fall and letting the kids
pounce on her.

Buffy loved this job. She had been a kindergarten teacher at Robertson
Elementary School for the past year and a half and loved every minute of it.
Her coworkers enjoyed her likable personality, and the parents were
impressed with her vivacious attitude when teaching or playing with the
kids in her class.

It was the end of the day, and Buffy looked around at the few remaining
students she had, smiling as they all lay down around her and started making
‘grass angels.’ The air was crisp, but even though it was January, there
was no chance of snow, so they had to improvise.

Buffy took a quick headcount, letting her eyes scan the playground, before
coming to rest on the man standing on the other side of the fence. Frowning
slightly, Buffy stood up, brushing the grass off her russet leather coat and
adjusting the chocolate brown turtleneck underneath before approaching him.

“Can I help you?” she asked as she got closer.

“I don’t know, Miss…?” he trailed off with a smirk.

“Summers,” Buffy said skeptically as he took off his Ray-Bans. She found
herself gulping at the ice blue eyes that suddenly appeared.

“Miss Summers,” he replied softly as he extended his hand.

“And you are?” Buffy asked as she took his hand, trying to conceal the
shiver that ran up her spine at the combination of the accent and the fact
that he brought her hand to his lips, leaving a light kiss in his wake.

“William Atherton,” he murmured against her skin. “I’m here to pick up
Jessica Harris.”

Buffy tried to force her brain to function as he held on to her hand, gently
stroking his thumb over the sensitive flesh. “Oh, Xander’s cousin,” she
said after a moment. “I’m sorry, it must have slipped my mind. I’ll just
go get -“

“Uncle Spike! Uncle Spike!”

Buffy was cut off as Spike stepped through the nearby gate and scooped up
the little girl who was rapidly flying toward him.

“Uncle Spike?” Buffy asked skeptically.

“Well, Xander and I were always closer to brothers than cousins,” Spike
replied with a shrug.

“I was actually talking about ‘Spike',” Buffy said with a smile.

“That will have to be explained in a more private setting, luv,” he said,
raising an eyebrow and smirking at the implications.

Buffy could feel herself blushing three different shades of red as Spike
watched her with interest. “I don’t think I’ll be needing that
explanation,” Buffy replied as Spike’s smirk broadened into a smile.

“Uncle Spike, can we go for ice cream?” Jessica asked, looking at him with
wide brown eyes.

“I was thinking hot chocolate, Niblet,” he replied.

“But I feel like ice cream. Please, Uncle Spike! They have hot chocolate-flavored,” Jessica said, pleading her case.

“Fine,” Spike grumbled good-naturedly. “Only a five year old would want ice
cream when it’s forty degrees outside.”

“It’s not that cold,” Buffy said with a smile as Spike raised his eyes to
hers once again.

“Care to join us, luv?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as if he was
trying to memorize her features.

“I-I really don’t think-“

“Please, Miss Summers,” Jessica said with a smile.

“Please, Miss Summers,” Spike repeated with a pout.

The pout definitely won her over. “Okay,” she replied with a smile. “Give
me a minute.”

Spike watched as Buffy walked over to talk to another teacher on the
playground before turning and heading back to the fence.

“All set?” Spike asked as Buffy approached.

“Yeah,” she said with a nod.

* * * * *
An hour later, Spike got back in the car after dropping Jessica off with her
parents. Buffy watched him carefully as he hesitated before starting the
car.

“Thanks…for this, Spike,” Buffy said softly. “It was nice to just relax for
a change.”

“You don’t normally relax?” he asked as they headed back to the school for
Buffy to get her car.

“I usually don’t go out,” Buffy replied, looking out her window.

“A gorgeous girl like you?” Spike asked disbelievingly. “I’m afraid that’s
a little hard to believe, luv.”

Buffy flushed at being called gorgeous, something that did not go unnoticed
by Spike. He found himself slowing down as they approached the school, not
wanting this woman to leave his presence yet.

The rest of the trip was made in comfortable silence. Buffy felt
disappointed when Spike pulled into the empty parking lot, coming to a stop
next to the only car left. Buffy turned to him to say good-bye but was met
with nothing as she saw Spike jogging around to open her door for her.

“Miss Summers,” he said softly as he offered her his hand for assistance.

“Thank you,” she replied with a soft smile. Standing up, she found herself
staring into those unfathomable blue eyes. The early winter sunset was
casting shadows and a golden color over his face, bringing out the sharp
angles of his cheekbones and what looked to be incredibly soft lips.

Buffy felt her heart begin to race as Spike took a step toward her. His breath
lightly swept over her skin as he looked deep into her eyes.

Slowly, Buffy watched as his hand came up to caress her cheek, his cool
fingers sliding down until they came to rest lightly on the back of her
neck. Using his hand as leverage, Buffy felt herself being pulled forward
lightly before his lips brushed against hers in a tender kiss.

Even though their lips barely touched, Buffy found herself gasping for air
as he pulled back to look at her. Brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes,
Spike gave her a soft smile.

“I’d like to see you again,” he whispered.

“Me, too,” Buffy replied, her brain not being able to form a coherent thought
as she struggled to remain standing.

“Can I have your number?” he asked, a tinge of shyness creeping into his
otherwise tough-guy exterior.

“Do you have a pen?”

Before the question was even out of her mouth, Buffy smiled as Spike pulled
a pen out of his pocket and offered it to her. She raised an eyebrow at
him but remained quiet as she took his hand and wrote the digits on his
palm.

“And what happens if it rubs off, pet?” Spike asked with a smile.

“I guess if you want to use it, you’ll figure something out,” Buffy replied
with a playful smile as she gave him his pen back.

"I guess so,” Spike said, leaning forward to let his lips graze her cheek.
“I will, most definitely, be using it.”

Buffy smiled as he walked back to the driver’s side of his car, giving her a
little wave before getting in. She could feel her heart swell at what this
could turn into.

If only she had known what she was getting into.

Chapter 4 – Love/Hate


Buffy tossed her magazine onto the couch when she heard the knock on the
door. She forced herself to stay expressionless when she opened the door to
see Spike standing there, looking as cocky as ever. It had been four days
since the ‘anniversary dinner that wasn’t’, and Buffy was still letting her
anger simmer under the surface, camouflaging how she hurt she really was.

“What do you want?” she asked, not bothering to open the door any wider.

This of course didn’t phase Spike as he pushed it open, forcing Buffy to
take a step back.

“Now, now, luv. Is that any way to treat your man?” he asked with a smirk
as he kicked the door shut.

“My man,” Buffy repeated with a harsh laugh as she turned and headed back to
the couch.

“And just what does that mean, kitten?” he asked, following her.

“Nothing,” Buffy mumbled as she picked up her magazine again and pretended
to look through it.

“No,” Spike said in a low tone as he pulled the magazine from her hands and
tossed it away. “You obviously want to say something, so say it.”

“You really want me to?” Buffy asked in a challenging tone. “Alright. It
means that the man that I met isn’t you.”

“Oh, he’s me, baby,” Spike replied in a low voice. “You just didn’t bother
to see him until you were falling for me.”

“Who said anything about falling for you?” Buffy asked angrily as she jumped
up from her seat to stand in front of him.

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, Buffy,” Spike replied with a
smirk that let her know he knew exactly how she felt for him.

“I hate you,” Buffy said through clenched teeth.

Spike’s smile only broadened at the declaration. “And I’m all you’ve got,”
he said, reaching out to pull her close.

Buffy let a small smile come over her features. “You think so, don’t you?”

She watched as Spike’s face seemed to harden. His jaw clenching, making his
cheekbones stand out as his eyes narrowed to look at her. “What the bloody
hell does that mean?” he asked in a menacing voice.

“What does it sound like?” Buffy replied, feeling the need to make him think
twice for a change. “You’re never here, Spike,” she said in an innocent
voice as she pulled away from him to offer an unapologetic shrug. “You
can’t expect me to go without, when you’re obviously not doing the same.”

Buffy swallowed her gasp when she felt her arm seized in his strong grip.
She wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction that he could intimidate her.

“You better be kidding, Buffy,” Spike said, his eyes practically shooting
sparks as he stared at her.

“Look at you,” Buffy said, smiling in spite of the grip on her arm. “All
jealous, just because I may have had some company over the past few months.
I was hardly a virgin when we met, Spike.”

“Close enough,” Spike replied in a tone that allowed no argument. “And if I
found out that any other bloke has touched you, I will personally break
every bone in his body…among other things.”

“You are such a hypocrite,” Buffy said, pulling her arm out of the punishing
grasp as she turned for her bedroom. “You go home to your little wifey
every night but expect me to stay home alone?” Buffy turned around to face
him before walking through the doorway. “You should really reevaluate
these guidelines you have set for yourself because I don’t plan to follow
them.”

Buffy gasped a moment later as she found herself falling to the bed.
Flipping over, she saw Spike advancing on her like a predator. Letting her
own smirk come over her features, she looked him up and down. “Well…I knew
I’d get a rise out of you, but I didn’t expect one of this variety,” she
said, letting her gaze linger on the tented fabric of his pants.

“Shut up,” Spike growled as he covered her body with his own.

“Make me,” Buffy replied, not backing down as Spike’s hands moved to her
skirt, pushing it up over her hips.

“Oh, I’ll make you,” he said, smashing his lips onto hers while
simultaneously freeing himself from the confines of his jeans.

Buffy’s mouth pulled away from his as she cried out, arching against him as
Spike plunged into her. Once he was completely enveloped inside of her wet
heat, Buffy gasped for air as he stared down at her. For a moment, just the
briefest of seconds, Buffy thought she saw his true feelings for her. For a
moment, the man that she’d met had come to the surface. But now he was
gone.

She moaned, gripping his arms as he slammed his hips against hers. Her
hands slid up his chest, loosening the buttons on his shirt before gripping
his shoulders for leverage as she wrapped her legs around his waist, digging
her nails into his flesh as he thrust into her. Buffy could feel her orgasm
approaching and began to speed up her movements before crying out in
frustration when his hands caught her hips and brought them to a halt.

“Spike…?”

“Tell me it’s just me,” he commanded.

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she looked at him. “Fuck you,” she hissed as he
pulled out slowly, only to sink right back into her.

“That’s what I’m trying to do, baby,” he said, tilting his head and
smirking. “Now…tell me.”

“No,” Buffy said, clenching her teeth together but unable to stop the gasp
that erupted from her as he rolled his hips against hers, effectively
grinding himself into her most sensitive areas.

“I know you want to come, baby,” he whispered huskily as he took long, sure
strokes. “It would be so easy,” he breathed into her ear.

Buffy moaned, trying her hardest to arch against him, but his hands held her
firmly.

“Say it,” he whispered, changing positions to angle himself upward, finding
that elusive place inside of her with every stroke. “Say it,” he repeated.

“You,” Buffy whispered through his erratic breathing, choosing her needs
over her pride. “Just you,” she moaned, becoming mindless with her need for
release…for him.

“Only me?”

“Yes,” Buffy gasped as his thrusts sped up. She could feel herself
unraveling as her body began to hum with pleasure.

Spike let go of her hips, smiling when she began writhing beneath him.
Buffy screamed out her orgasm as she felt her body melt against his. Spike
pushed into her a few more times before pulsing deep inside of her,
shuddering with his own climax as he collapsed on top of her.

Both stayed still for several minutes, trying to catch their breath, before
Spike rolled away and began straightening his clothes. Standing up, he
zipped his jeans and buttoned his shirt before turning back to the bed.

Spike frowned when he looked at Buffy’s back. She had never turned her back
to him, in all the times that he had to get up to leave, and he felt his
heart sink at the implications of her simple gesture of rolling away from
him. She accepted it. For the first time since this crazy relationship
started, she accepted the fact that he would be leaving again. Spike sighed
as he moved back to the bed, spooning himself against her and gently kissing
her neck and shoulder.

Buffy stiffened slightly at the unnatural feel of the tenderness that Spike
was showing her. She let herself relax slightly when she felt his lips
affectionately brushing over her skin. Buffy felt the tears shimmering in
her eyes finally spill over at the gesture. She could handle a lot of
things from Spike, but this hurt too much.

“I can stay a little longer, pet,” he whispered against her neck.

Buffy closed her eyes against the flow of tears. “Go home, Spike,” she said
in a choked whisper, swallowing the sobs that threatened to escape.

“Buffy-“

“Go home,” she repeated sadly. “I’ll be here when you come back.”

Spike slowly got up from the bed before gently running a hand through her
hair. “I know,” he whispered.

A/N Okay, you remember at the beginning of the story, when I warned you that Spike could be a jerk? If you’re reading this chapter, keep that in mind. After this chapter the darkness (as far as our couple is concerned) is toned down. The story itself is still dark, but the Spuffiness will get more loving (at least, in what I have written so far). Just remember…you have been warned.


Chapter 5 – Crime & Punishment


Buffy jogged along the beach the next day, letting her anger at Spike
disguise the anguish she still felt. She knew she shouldn’t be angry with
him- he did offer some rare tenderness after their time together- but it was
easier to be mad at him than think about their complicated relationship.

Buffy sped up her pace as her building came into view, putting on a burst of
speed for the final half mile.

The next thing she knew, Buffy was sprawled along the white sand, coughing
the gritty substance out of her lungs.

“I’m so sorry!”

Buffy turned to see an apologetic man kneeling next to her before carefully
helping her to her feet. “It’s my fault,” Buffy replied, brushing the sand
off her body. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Me neither,” he said, gesturing to the Frisbee he was holding and a man
standing further down the beach. “I’d love to make it up to you.”

Buffy smiled, already shaking her head. “Thanks, but that’s really not
necessary.”

“At least let me take you to dinner tonight,” he requested with a friendly
smile and soft eyes.

It had been so long since Buffy felt wanted for anything other than sex, and she
found herself getting mad at Spike all over again. “I’m Buffy Summers,” she
introduced herself, holding out her hand.

“Angel O’Brien,” the man said, shaking her hand. “Now, what do you say
about dinner?”

“I say…what time?” she asked with a smile.

* * * * *

Buffy dressed in a royal blue silk gown later that night. The sweetheart
neckline showed off an impressive amount of cleavage. She brushed out her
long blond hair while looking in the antique mirror before her gaze slowly
drifted to a framed picture of herself with Spike.

Buffy hated the stab of guilt that seemed to course through her body.

“It’s not like I’m going to sleep with the guy,” she mumbled as she slipped
on her shoes. “He thinks it doesn’t hurt whenever he leaves. Spike thinks
he owns me? He’s got another thing coming,” she said with more conviction
than she felt. With one last look in the mirror, Buffy walked out of the
bedroom as the doorbell rang.

“Hi,” Buffy said with a bright smile as Angel stood on the other side in a
tux, holding a single pink rose.

“Hi,” he said, offering her the flower.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she inhaled the sweet fragrance. “It’s
beautiful.”

“So are you,” Angel said with a smile as he offered her his arm. “Are you
ready?”

“Yes,” Buffy said with a smile.

* * * * *

Buffy walked into Gardinier’s on the arm of her very handsome date. The
restaurant was the newest ‘It’ place to be in town, and Buffy was impressed
that Angel was able to get reservations on such short notice.

Angel offered her a smile as they were led to a secluded table in the back.
Once the wine was ordered, Angel turned his attention back to his date.

“So, Buffy, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

“Really? Pretty snazzy apartment for a teacher.”

“Oh…um…I’m leasing it from a friend of mine,” she replied, although it
sounded more like a question.

“Nice friend,” Angel said as their wine was offered for inspection.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Buffy spoke. “What do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer,” he replied. “I’m at a Los Angeles branch of Wolfram and
Hart.”

“What are you doing in Sunnydale?”

“Taking a little time off. Wanted to get out of the city, and this is a nice
area to visit,” he said, taking a sip of wine.

Buffy was about to reply when she looked up and caught the very angry blue
eyes of her lover. She held his gaze for a moment as he sat down a few
tables away. Buffy risked a look at the woman at his table and saw the
striking beauty.

Buffy knew very little about Drusilla Rayne-Atherton. She chose not to know
anything, never even trying to catch a glimpse of her…at least not before
tonight. And even now, it wasn’t by choice. Buffy was too insecure with
herself as it was without seeing the woman that she was sure she was being
compared to.

With a shaky sigh, Buffy tore her eyes away from the couple, feeling herself
begin to tremble when she felt his eyes remaining on her.

“Are you okay?” Angel asked in concern.

“I’m fine,” Buffy said with a smile that was more reassuring than she felt.
It was enough to appease her date as the waiter came, taking their order.

Buffy looked back at the table and saw Spike clenching his jaw so tightly
she thought it might break. His eyes were no longer on her, though. Now
they were sizing up Angel.

“Where do you teach?” Angel asked with interest.

“A small public school a few miles away.”

“Why not private?”

Buffy shrugged. “It really depends on the school, but in my experience, the
children are more open in a public school's environment. It was just a
personal decision.”

“Well, I’m sure those kids are lucky to have you for a teacher,” Angel said
with a flirty smile.

Buffy returned the smile, though her eyes were now downcast as she fidgeted
with her napkin.

“Would you care to dance?” he asked, tilting his head slightly in a way
that reminded her of the man sitting just three tables away.

“Um…I’d love to,” Buffy replied, trying to control her breathing.

She ignored the looks that Spike was sending her way as Angel led her out to
the marble dance floor, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close
as they began to glide around the floor.

Buffy tried to relax but found it nearly impossible. ‘Get it together,
Summers,’ she said to herself. ‘He’s on a date with his wife- there’s no
reason you shouldn’t be here. He doesn’t own me.’

Although, the looks he was sending her way would prove otherwise. Buffy
was getting very close to asking Angel to take her home, but that would mean
withdrawing from this inner battle, and she was definitely not backing down.

“Our food’s there,” Buffy murmured a few minutes later, glad for the reason
to get off the dance floor.

Angel stepped back and placed his hand on the small of her back as they
walked. Buffy, once again, avoided Spike’s eyes as she walked past. ‘God,
doesn’t his wife notice that he hasn’t looked at her since they sat down,’
she thought to herself. ‘Silly Buffy, this is the same woman who hasn’t
noticed her husband is having an affair and paying for a luxury apartment
for his mistress.’

Twenty minutes later, the food was nearly gone, and Buffy couldn’t take the
scrutiny anymore. “Excuse me,” she said, giving Angel a smile as she got up
from the table. The smile turned genuine when he stood up to excuse her.
It was in that moment that she realized she hadn’t had a date, a real date,
since before Spike. Unless the trip to Baskin Robbins with his cousin’s
daughter in tow, counted as a date.

Buffy walked into the empty ladies room, her heels clicking on the white
tile as she walked to the countertop, bracing her hands against it, and
avoided looking into the long mirror that took up an entire wall, not
wanting to see what kind of state she was in.

She looked up when she heard the creaking of the door hinges and spun around when she saw Spike standing behind her. She didn’t know what was scaring
her the most: whether it was the fact that he had daringly left his wife or
the fact that he wasn’t saying anything as he turned the lock on the door.

“Spike,” she whispered softly as he stalked toward her. She gasped when he
grabbed her, pivoting on his heel and pressing her against the nearby wall with his body.

“Don’t say a damned thing,” he growled before his lips crashed down on hers.

Buffy gasped when she felt herself being lifted up as her dress was swept
aside, the sound of her thong ripping, echoing through the large bathroom.

“Spike, what are you-“

Buffy gasped when she felt him plunge into her. She’d never heard the
zipper, but she was definitely feeling the affects as her pelvis thrust forward to meet his.

“What did you think you were going to prove, Buffy?” he asked angrily as he
pumped into her.

Buffy didn’t respond- she simply whimpered in need as he hoisted her higher against the wall, relentlessly pushing into her.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” he continued, slightly out of breath. “Or maybe you wanted me
to…is that it?”

“Spike,” she whispered, moaning as she grinded her hips against his.

“Shut up,” he said through clenched teeth as his lips crushed against hers
again. Buffy moaned as his hand snaked in between them, gently brushing
over her sensitive clit before giving it a sharp twist.

Buffy felt her body shatter, tightening her legs around his body and bucking against him as Spike swallowed her scream with his lips, before fulfilling his own need and spilling himself in her hot depths.

Not giving either of them a chance to enjoy the aftereffects, Spike pulled
away, practically dropping Buffy as he straightened his clothes.

“Go home, Buffy,” he said in a menacing tone as Buffy quickly came back to earth and glared at him. “Tell
Captain Forehead out there that your date is over and to take you home.”

Buffy felt anger fill her, at the command. Smoothing her hair and her
clothes, she gave Spike a hard look as she backed toward the door. “Oh,
he’ll take me alright,” she said, shooting daggers at Spike with her eyes.
“But not in the way you think. I’m not yours, Spike.”

Buffy gasped as she found herself pinned between the door and an infuriated
blonde. “Do I even need to dignify that with a response? Because I thought
we just covered that, sweetheart. Considering you just fucked me in the
bathroom of a very nice restaurant, I consider you very much MINE.”

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared at him. “Yeah,” she
said quietly. “That’s all it ever is, isn’t it, Spike? All you’ve ever done is
fuck me.”

Without another word, Buffy roughly pushed him away and walked out.

A/N I know a lot of you think Buffy is really weak and I agree- to an extent. It will change (slightly). I didn’t want to duplicate Buffy from the show, I wanted to show the girl part of her and not the Slayer part. There’s a little more insight into their past and more from Spike’s point of view in this chapter, so hopefully most of you will begin to understand why the relationship is the way it is. Spike being mean is over…well…mean to Buffy, anyway- he is still Spike after all :-) I hope you stick with this story!



Chapter 6 – Confessions


5 Months Ago


Buffy clasped Spike’s hand in hers as they walked along the beach. They had
spent the evening making love for the first time, and Buffy was desperately
trying to tell him her feelings for him, but something was always holding
her back. She had seen Spike a few nights a week since he had taken
her out for ice cream, and she was already in love with him.

The sunset faded below the horizon as Buffy turned to Spike with a soft
smile on her face. “I need to tell you something,” she murmured.

Spike let out a breath he was holding as he looked into her beautiful green
eyes. “Me too,” he said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Okay,” Buffy said with a smile. “You first.”

Spike took a deep breath, deciding that telling her straight out would be
better than dancing around the subject. “Buffy…I’m married.”

Buffy felt the air leave her lungs as her eyes widened. She stared at him
for several long moments before slowly shaking her head back and forth.
“No,” she said, almost to herself. “No, this can’t be happening.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, it’s just…I need you so much,” he
whispered, trying to pull her closer to him.

Buffy pulled back, holding a hand up to keep him away as she looked out at
the ocean, wanting to catch her breath.

“Buffy-“

“Don’t,” she said, whipping her head around to face him. “You’re married,
Spike! There’s nothing you can say to justify that or to justify
what we just…”

Buffy broke off as she turned away, wrapping her arms around her body and
letting the tears spill down her cheeks. She was in love with him. She was
in love with this man, and he was married the whole time. And she knew she couldn’t end it.

Buffy jumped slightly when Spike’s arms wrapped around her. She tried to
pull away, but he just held her tighter, letting his lips drop to her
shoulder and leaving a soft kiss in their wake.

“Do you love her?” Buffy asked quietly. Spike didn’t answer, which was
answer enough for her. She didn’t have the heart to ask the same question
about herself. “What happens next?”

“I don’t know,” Spike whispered. “I’ve never done this before…I just don’t
know.”

* * * * *

Present Day


After saying goodnight to Angel and leaving him with a chaste kiss on the
cheek, Buffy left her dress pooled in the middle of her bedroom floor as she
changed into jeans and a black spaghetti-strap tank top.

Grabbing a glass and a bottle of wine from the wine rack in the kitchen,
Buffy walked through the French doors, to the balcony while pouring herself a glass. With a
heavy sigh, she set the bottle down on the small table and went to lean
against the railing as she watched the waves crashing to the shore.

Five minutes had gone by before Buffy felt his presence.

“What kept you?” she asked, not bothering to turn around as she took a sip
from her glass.

“Traffic,” Spike replied, doing what he could to lighten the mood.

Buffy stared straight ahead, not bothering to give him the satisfaction of
turning around. “Go home, Spike,” she said softly.

“No,” he replied quietly.

“Well, you’re not going to screw me,” Buffy informed him bluntly. “I’ve met
my quota for the day. You can come back and degrade me tomorrow.”

“That’s not why…that’s really what you think?” When Buffy didn’t answer, he
took a step closer to her. “Look at me, Buffy.”

Buffy turned her head slightly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

“Do you really think that?”

“Lately…yeah,” she said quietly.

“Buffy, I never meant to-“

“Save me the speech,” Buffy interrupted, before turning her attention back to the
ocean as she took a deep breath. “I don’t need the winning sales pitch.
You don’t have to win me over, Spike…I’m here.”

“Then why did you go out with him?”

“Because he asked me,” Buffy replied, feeling herself getting choked up.
“Because I…because, for once, I felt like a real person.”

“And I don’t make you feel that way?” he asked, coming up beside her and
propping his arms on the railing.

Buffy was mildly surprised that he wasn’t behind her, pinning her in, but
she was grateful that he seemed to be giving her some space.

“What do you think?”

“Buffy, I know I’ve been acting like a bastard lately-“

“Don’t bother explaining,” Buffy murmured, looking down at the glass in her hands. “I already know why.”

“You do?”

Buffy stayed quiet for a long moment, not bothering to answer his question.

“When we met I…I thought you were the one that I could be with forever,” Buffy said
softly. “I was stupid and naïve…I know that now. I’ve grown up a lot the
past few months. Things don’t always go like you plan,” Buffy finished with
a shrug.

“So…you don’t think you could be with me forever?” Spike asked with a note of
panic in his voice.

“I think,” Buffy paused with a sigh, trying to fight back the tears. “I
think I’m in love with you, and I’m not going anywhere,” she said, trying to
take deep breaths and settle the knot that was in her stomach.

Spike slowly turned her around, the pain that she was feeling mirrored
in his eyes. “You love me,” he said softly as if he didn’t believe it.

“Look, Spike, don’t make a big deal out of this,” Buffy said, pulling away
from him as she set her glass on the table before walking back into the
living room. “I know I’m not first in your life. I know I’m probably not
even second, but I’m in it.” Spike stared at her back as she continued.
“In some form…I’m close to the man I love…and that’s enough, even if I’m
playing the role of mistress.”

She felt Spike’s arms go around her waist and pull her close to him as he
nuzzled her neck. Buffy bit her lip, trying to keep the tears at bay, as he
gently kissed her neck, slowly trailing up her throat, and feeling her
tense.

“Relax, baby,” he whispered. “This is all I want. Nothing else, okay? I
just want to be with you.”

Buffy let her tears fall as she nodded, turning around to bury her head in
his strong chest. For the first time, it felt like he was there for her,
not because of what she could give him, but because of what he could give her.

* * * * *

Spike walked into his house later that night with a heavy heart. He stood
in the foyer for a few minutes as he took in the appearance of the large
mansion. It was so cold. Marble and tile and granite were everywhere.
There wasn’t a hint of warmth…not like there was in the apartment. It was
as if no one even lived here.

“Aaah, Mr. Atherton, so nice to see you home, sir.”

Spike turned at the familiar voice of his butler Wesley Wyndham-Pryce.
“Thanks, Wes. Where’s Dru?”

“I believe Mrs. Atherton is out by the pool, sir.”

Spike nodded his thanks as he walked toward the back of the house. He
stared out the door for several long minutes at his wife.

“Wife,” he murmured. It sounded so strange to him, as if it didn’t fit.
Which, Spike knew, it didn’t. If it did, he wouldn’t be dreaming about
Buffy all the time. He wouldn’t be wishing for his golden goddess whenever
he went to sleep next to his frigid wife every night.

‘Why am I still with Drusilla?’ Spike asked himself.

“Till death do us part,” Spike muttered in response. ‘And I’ve been treating Buffy like shit because of those vows.’

Spike knew it wasn’t fair to Buffy. After all, he hadn’t been acting like the man she met…like the man he really was, and he knew that. It was infuriating to him that he met the woman of his dreams after he was already married. ‘And you just keep taking it out on her, you ponce,’ he thought to himself. ‘She was hurting tonight because of you. Because you keep treating her like property and she’s not…you’re beneath her. You don’t deserve her.’

But he had to have her. That’s what it all came down to. He loved Drusilla, he wouldn’t be with her if he didn’t. However, it was a different kind of love than what he first felt for her. When he was with Buffy, he felt a completion that was unlike anything he’d every experienced…and it terrified him. It broke his heart to leave Buffy and at the same time, it broke his heart to stay and get a brief glimpse of what he could have had. A life that he could see through a window, that he would never be able to truly experience. So, the more he resented himself, the more he’d made his life with her more unbearable. Anger was easier to understand, than love and Spike certainly had enough anger.

Pushing the door open, Spike took a deep breath before walking
out on the deck. “Dru,” he said, nodding toward her in greeting.

“My Spike, you’re home,” Drusilla replied, getting up from her lounge chair
and walking over to him. “I’m so glad. I think we need to discuss
something.”

Spike looked at her quizzically as she took his hand and led him over to the
glass-top table and chairs.

“Spike, we’ve been married for a long time.”

Spike stared at her in confusion before responding with the obvious
statement. “Seven years.”

“I think it’s time we had a baby.”

Chapter 7 – Needing


Buffy unlocked the door of her apartment the next day and began coughing at
the cloud of smoke that engulfed her. Walking in, she frowned when she saw Spike
chain-smoking as he paced the length of the living room.

“Spike, what are you doing?” she asked, deciding not to give him a lecture about no smoking in the apartment, since he seemed more stressed than usual. Buffy walked over and began opening the French doors, hoping to let the cloud filter out so she could breathe again as she waited for him to say something.

Buffy jumped when she found herself grabbed from behind and pulled into
strong arms. She would have giggled if she wasn’t so worried about him as
he carried her over to the couch and dropped down onto it, depositing her on his lap.

“Spike-“

“I needed to see you, Buffy,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck in desperation. “Where’ve
you been?”

“I can’t even go out anymore?” she asked, immediately switching to defensive
mode as she tried to pull away from him.

“I didn’t mean…I just need you right now, Buffy,” he replied, holding her firmly against him.

“Spike, I-“

“Not like that,” he whispered, needing to clarify and make her understand. “I just need to be close to you.”

“Spike…you’re scaring me,” Buffy said softly as she turned around in his lap, watching as his hands slowly came up to cup her face, staring into her eyes with an intensity that she never saw.

“I’m sorry, luv,” he said, bringing his lips to hers in a brief, tender
kiss before wrapping his arms around her waist and cuddling closer to her.

“What’s going on?”

Spike took a deep breath before speaking. “Dru wants to have a baby.”

He immediately felt Buffy’s body go rigid in his arms. That was the last thing she had expected to hear. Spike had always told her that Drusilla never wanted children. She found them too ‘involving.’

“Oh,” she whispered softly, always fearing that this day would inevitably come, in spite of what he had told her.
“So…I guess this means that we’re…”

Buffy trailed off, not even letting herself finish that sentence. She
didn’t know why she felt the need to hold on to this man. He obviously
didn’t love her, but the idea of losing him was terrifying…and Buffy hated
herself for that weakness.

She wasn’t scared of being alone, she was scared of being without him.

“We’re staying the way we are, pet,” Spike said in a more forceful voice
than he intended as he pulled back to look at her again.

“But Spike…”

“No buts, Buffy. I’m not ready to let you go.”

“But when you are ready…you’ll cut me loose,” she murmured.

Spike pulled her down for another passionate kiss, trying to settle her
fears as his lips slid across hers, before leaning back. “Have I ever told you that, luv?”

“You didn’t need to,” she replied softly, still slightly thrown by this new
Spike. The man that she had finally allowed herself to fall in love with, who was actually acting like the man she had first met.

* * * * *

Spike pushed into Buffy slowly, letting his lips trail along her jaw, lightly licking the sensitive area behind her ear as she moaned. They moved together with ease, neither wanting to rush as they made love.

Spike brought her to the edge with long, sure thrusts, making sure she could feel everything he was feeling. Buffy’s muscles contracted around him, as she arched her back gasping with each thrust. No words were spoken as she breathed heavily, slowly coming down as they looked into each other’s eyes, conveying all of their emotions. Spike swept the hair out of Buffy’s eyes, leaning forward to brush his lips against hers, as she clung to him.

Spike could feel his own climax approaching as he sped up his thrusts. Buffy felt the familiar tightening in her stomach as a second, more powerful, orgasm overtook her. Spike couldn’t last any longer as he found his release, his muscles tensed, pulsing deep inside of her, before collapsing on the mattress, pulling Buffy with him as he rolled over.

Tears fell from Buffy’s eyes as their lips met in another passionate kiss.

“Don’t cry, luv,” he whispered in concern as he pulled back, wiping her tears away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Buffy replied with a soft smile, shaking her head. “I love you.”

Spike gently smiled, as he played with her hair. “I know.”

Buffy lay with her lover, her head on his chest as she snuggled closer to him. His hands traced over her
bare arms and back, sending shivers running through her body. She was surprised that he wasn’t more forceful with her this time, considering the stress he was obviously under. Buffy had expected one of their rougher sessions, instead of being treated to the side of him who she rarely saw, telling her that he just ‘needed her’ tonight. It was Buffy who led him to the bedroom, knowing that both of them needed more than simple affection tonight. He had turned into the man who made her feel loved, never mind the fact that he didn’t love her. He was back to being the man she’d made love to that first night.

“Can I stay the night?” he whispered, quietly, his hands never stopping their movements along her skin.

Buffy looked up at him in surprise. “What about-“

“Dru?” he supplied. “I don’t know,” he continued in a subdued voice. “All
I know is, I don’t want to leave you. I need to stay with you tonight. I need to have you in my arms.”

Buffy nodded acceptance and understanding as Spike pulled her closer, leaving a soft kiss on her lips
before closing his eyes. Buffy smiled as she watched him drift off to sleep. He looked so young, so innocent in moments like this. She rarely saw this relaxed side of him, and she treasured all of the moments that she got. She found herself wishing, for the millionth time, that he could be hers. Wishing that the two of them could have this closeness and be together every night. She knew it was useless, but she had to allow the dream.

Chapter 8 – Decisions


A very stressful month went by for Buffy. Since the night that Spike had
decided to stay, there hadn’t been any mention of Drusilla’s desire to start
a family. Buffy wasn’t sure if that was good news or bad news.

Things had, basically, returned to normal, and Buffy was too nervous to rock
the boat and bring up the subject again. Her mind felt clouded as she
picked at her salad while Willow rambled on about something.

“So what do you think, Buffy?”

“Hmmm, what?” Buffy asked, her eyes snapping up to her friend.

“That’s what I thought,” Willow said, putting her fork down and leaning
across the small café table. “Buffy, I’ve barely seen or heard from you in
over a month. What’s going on?”

Buffy stabbed at a few carrots before responding. “I don’t know what to
do,” she said softly.

“What to do…about what?”

“About Spike,” she said softly.

“Is everything okay with you two?” Willow asked in concern.

“It’s better,” Buffy replied, offering a halfhearted smile as she looked up.
“He’s trying…he really is.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Drusilla wants to have a baby,” Buffy murmured, almost to herself.

“Oh wow,” Willow breathed out as she sat back in her chair. “What are you
going to do?”

“What do you mean, what am I going to do? When a married couple thinks they
should start a family, the mistress doesn’t really get a lot of say in the
matter.”

“You’re more than that to Spike, you know that.”

“Am I?” Buffy asked, not believing a word. “He’s never said he’ll leave her
for me. He’s never even told me he loves me.”

“Give him time, Buff. You’ve only been together…”

“Seven months,” Buffy replied. “We’ve been together seven months, and he’s
no closer to saying it today than he was when he first met me. Don’t
worry, Wills…I don’t even think I want to hear him say it.”

“Does he know how you feel?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly, looking down to hide the tears shimmering in her
eyes. “I told him.”

* * * * *

Buffy tried to brighten her mood when she walked into her apartment and saw
Spike standing on the balcony, looking at the ocean.

“Hey,” she said softly as she walked out to join him, wrapping her arms
around his lean waist and propping her chin up on his shoulder. “You’re
earlier than I expected,” she murmured, leaving a soft kiss on his back.

Spike relaxed as his hands came up to gently rub her arms. “I haven’t seen
you much this week,” he said softly, enjoying the soothing effects of the
ocean waves and his lover’s embrace. “Did you have plans?” he asked, trying
to keep his tone neutral to let her know he wasn’t checking up on her.

“Lunch with Willow,” Buffy replied, slowly walking around him and trailing
her hands along the rigid muscles of his abs until she was standing in front
of him with her arms wrapped around his back.

Spike’s hands immediately went to her bare arms as he softly moved them over
her exposed skin. “I’ve missed you, baby,” he whispered huskily. “I’m
sorry I haven’t been around as often.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, bringing him closer for a hug. “Me, too.”

“Did you and Willow have a good lunch?” he asked before leaving a soft kiss
on her forehead.

“It was good,” Buffy replied with a nod. “It was good seeing her again. I
felt like I was neglecting her.”

“Yeah.”

Buffy could see that Spike’s mind was elsewhere as he stared into her eyes.
“Spike, I haven’t felt neglected,” Buffy said with a smile. “I stay busy
when you’re not here, and when school starts in a few weeks, I’ll be even
busier, so don’t worry about anything, okay?”

Buffy felt herself wrapped in a strong embrace as Spike buried his face in
her hair. “If you say so.”

“Spike, is something wrong?”

“No,” he replied, leaning back to shake his head. “Nothing’s wrong…I’ve
just missed you.”

“We can always do something to remedy that,” Buffy said with a smile as her
fingers hooked into his belt, dragging him toward the bedroom.

Spike didn’t object as Buffy slowly began to remove her clothes before
walking over and divesting him of his as well.

“So, you missed me?” Buffy asked in between the kisses that Spike was
lavishing on her lips and neck.

“So much,” Spike whispered hungrily as he picked her up and quickly walked
over to the bed. “So bloody much,” he repeated as he slowly kissed his way
down her body before latching on to a nipple.

Buffy arched off the bed as his wonderful tongue worked magic on her body.
Flipping them over, Buffy straddled Spike’s waist as he looked up at her
with a curious expression.

“I thought you liked when I do that, pet,” he said with a smirk.

“Oh, I do,” Buffy replied with a smile of her own as she positioned him at
her entrance before sinking down onto his hardened length. “But I like
when you do this even more,” she finished with a breathless whisper as her
body curled forward to meet his, giving him a passionate kiss.

Spike tenderly ran his hands over her exposed flesh, trying to touch as much
of her as he could and still feeling like he needed to be closer to her.

Buffy moaned as she slowly rocked against him, loving the feel of his hands
on her body as she moved.

Spike felt his breathing quicken as Buffy sat up, giving him a spectacular
view of her taut body as she writhed on top of him. Watching her for a few
moments, Spike quickly sat up to wrap his arms around her, letting his lips trail from her
neck to her shoulder.

“I missed you, baby,” he whispered against her skin as they both panted for
air. “I’ve missed you, so much.”

“I’m here,” Buffy said, trying to reach her peak as she moved.

“You’re mine,” he whispered.

Buffy paused for the briefest of seconds before swiveling her hips in a
circle, causing both of them to gasp at the sensations that coursed through
them.

Feeling the tightening in her stomach, Buffy gasped when she found herself
flipping over before Spike met her lips in a searing kiss. Buffy
frantically clutched at his back, as he moved in and out of her, bringing her
closer to the edge with every thrust.

Tearing her lips away from his, Buffy let out a scream as stars seemed to
burst in front of her eyes, sending her entire body shaking. Spike panted
as her inner muscles clenched around him, sending him over the edge faster
than he expected as he squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

Both were quiet for several minutes, each enjoying the feel of the other
person, before Spike slowly pulled away to leave a soft kiss on her lips.

Buffy was surprised when she felt him pull out of her, only to roll onto his
back, bringing her with him.

“What’s going on?” she asked, a slight smile on her face as she looked into
his cloudy blue eyes.

“I just wanted to stay with you,” Spike replied, pushing the hair out of her
eyes. “Is that okay?”

“What do you think?” Buffy replied, laying her head on his shoulder as her
fingertips traced patterns over his chest.

After a long time of just laying together, Buffy took a deep breath,
deciding to mention the unmentionable.

“Spike,” she said softly, her lazy hand movements never stopping as she bit
her lip. “What you and I talked about a few weeks ago…did you two ever
decide anything?” she asked timidly.

Spike immediately tensed, knowing exactly what she meant but not wanting to
answer. “Yes…we did.”

Buffy waited for him to elaborate but soon realized he wasn’t going to.

Buffy tried to fight herself from shutting down, from letting him know that
anything was wrong. She was the one who had asked, and she’d gotten her
answer. She knew what was supposed to come next.




A/N Starting next chapter, you’ll (start to) see the side of Buffy that you’ve been waiting for. Not to the extent that some of you want, but it takes time. Thanks for reading and please review!

Chapter 9 – Too Little, Too Late


“Buffy?” Spike called, walking into the apartment a week later. “I’m here,
luv,” he said, tossing his keys on the table.

“Spike.”

Spike turned to see Buffy standing behind him. “What’s the matter?” he
asked, taking a step toward her.

“We need to talk,” she said softly, gesturing toward the couch.

“I’ll stand,” Spike said, his brow furrowed and jaw set as he looked at her.
No good ever came from those words.

“Okay,” Buffy replied, averting her eyes as she began to pace the room.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…and I’ve come to a decision.”

“Is this a decision I should have been thinking about, as well?” Spike asked
skeptically with one eyebrow raised.

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “This is about me…well…us, but mostly
me. Oh God,” she murmured as her hands went up to her face before whirling
around to face him again. “I’m leaving.”

“You’re…”

“Leaving,” Buffy finished.

Spike looked at the ground as his mouth opened slightly, his tongue running
along the inside of his cheek as he seemed to contemplate what she had just
told him.

“What do you mean, leaving?” he finally asked.

Buffy swallowed, trying to control her breathing and stay strong. “I can’t
do this anymore, Spike,” she said softly, shaking her head as she looked at
him. “I’m not cut out to be the other woman. I’ve tried, and I just can’t.”

Spike tried to beat down the panic that was rapidly building in his chest.
“No,” he said through clenched teeth.

“It’s not your decision,” Buffy said, maintaining eye contact with him, in
spite of the fire that seemed to flash in his.

“We’re doing better, Buffy,” Spike said. “You said you’d be here…you told
me you’d be here.”

“And I’ve tried! I’ve tried, and I just can’t,” Buffy paused, looking at the
floor as she tried to get a handle on her emotions. “I’m going to visit my
mom.”

“Visit?” Spike asked with hope in his voice. “Then…then that means you’re
coming back.”

“Not here,” Buffy gestured to the penthouse. “I’ll be back before school
starts, but I’m going to find another place to live.”

“Buffy-“

“You need to give your marriage another shot, Spike,” Buffy said, tears
shimmering in her eyes. “You need to forget about me.”

“Why are you doing this?” he asked in a choked whisper.

“Because I love you,” she whispered. “Because I want you to be happy and
because I want it all. I-I don’t know if that’s just me being selfish or
not…but I want everything.”

“And I haven’t given you that?” Spike demanded as he gestured to the
expensive furnishings in the apartment.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It has nothing to do with material
possessions. I want a family…Spike. I want a man who can take me out in
public and not one who’s ashamed to be seen with me-“

“Buffy, I have never been ashamed. I’m-“

“I know why you can’t,” Buffy replied with a nod. “I understand…and that’s
all the more reason why I should leave. Spike, I want to be with someone
who wants me. Who wants the same things that I do. I want children, and
even if you say that we could have that, I don’t want them to wonder where
their father is every night of the week.” Buffy paused as she looked down,
a few tears spilling as she took a steadying breath. “I want to be loved,”
she finally whispered, looking into his eyes. “I need a man who loves me as
much as I love him.”

Spike stared at the woman who stood only a few feet away. The distance was
so close, and yet, he was still losing her.

“Buffy…”

“I’m already packed,” Buffy continued, trying to swallow the lump in her
throat. “That’s why I asked you to come by today. I wanted to say
good-bye…in person.”

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head, hating himself for the desperation in
his voice. “No, you can’t leave.”

“I have to. You deserve better than this,” she whispered. “You’re going to
start a family, Spike. You need a fresh start. You need to be able to look
at your kids and not feel guilty because of this dirty little secret that
you keep on the side. Don’t try and find anyone else, just…just try and
make it work with…her.” Buffy felt like she was slowly dying.

“I never tried to find anyone, Buffy,” Spike said, taking a step closer to
her, his hands grabbing her arms in a loose hold as he tried to keep her
close. “I found you. It was you, Buffy. It wasn’t the idea of finding
anyone else. You’re the one I want. You’re the one I need.”

“Go home to your wife, Spike,” Buffy said softly.

Spike stared at her for a long moment. In all the times that she had told
him that, this was the only time that there was no malice in her words.

Buffy let her tears fall as her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him
down for one last kiss. Spike’s arms banded around her waist in a vice
grip, desperately holding on to her as the kiss became more intense. His
tongue entered her mouth as their tears mingled, both feeling as if their
hearts were being ripped out.

Buffy slowly pulled away, feeling her heart break at the tiny sob that
ripped from Spike’s throat. Buffy evaded another kiss, bracing her hands on
his strong chest as she looked into his watery eyes. “I better go,” she
whispered.

“No,” Spike said, panicked as he frantically shook his head. “I can’t let
you.”

“Spike, I have to.”

“I love you,” he whispered, looking deep into her eyes as he realized the extent of his emotions for this woman for the first time…and it was too late. “I love you, Buffy.”

“Don’t,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “Don’t do this…it’s too hard, Spike.
Don’t make it worse.”

“I love you,” he whispered again, his hands coming up to tangle in her hair
as his forehead pressed against hers. “You can’t leave.”

“Spike-“

“I love you,” he said in desperation.

“Then let me go,” Buffy whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. “If you
love me…you’ll let me go.”

Buffy felt her stomach twist, watching as Spike closed his eyes in anguish. His arms
wrapping around her tiny body as he pulled her closer to him, sobbing into
her shoulder. She was right, he had to let her go, but his heart felt as if it was being crushed.

Buffy clutched at him, letting more tears fall as she held him. She had
never seen Spike cry before, and it almost scared her. After several
minutes, Buffy pulled back to look into his eyes before leaving a soft kiss
on his lips.

“I need to leave.”

Spike swallowed hard as he watched the woman he loved pull away from him
and walk to the door. “You said you loved me.”

Buffy stopped with her hand on the doorknob before turning around to look
at him. “I do love you. I always will. Nothing will ever change that.”

Spike silently begged her to stay as she opened the door.

“Good-bye…William.”

A/N Thank you for all of the reviews! I am getting more support for this story than I ever expected.



Chapter 10 – Conversations


Spike wearily knocked on his cousin’s door later that night. Xander’s eyes
widened when he opened the door.

“Spike…what the hell happened to you?”

“She left me, Xander…I told her I loved her, and it was too late.”

Xander turned to his wife and motioned for Anya to stay in the house as he
walked out on the front porch, shutting the door behind him. “Drusilla left
you?”

“No, you git- Buffy! Buffy left me.”

“Oh,” Xander replied in a shocked voice. He had been the only one that
Spike had confided in about his affair, and it was a surprise that Buffy
would just up and leave. “Why?” he asked in confusion.

“She just…left town. Said that she couldn’t stay and walked out of my
life.”

“Spike, man, I’m sorry,” Xander said sympathetically, patting his shoulder.

Spike fell into the porch swing, dropping his head in his hands. “It’s my
fault,” he muttered. “I just kept pushing and pushing until her only option
was to leave.”

“What?”

Spike looked up, his eyes unusually bright. “Dru wants to have a baby. It
was just the final straw.”

“And you love her? Buffy, I mean.”

“I do,” he whispered.

Xander merely nodded, knowing there was nothing he could say to make any of
this better.

* * * * *

“Is it done?” Drusilla asked later that night, sitting in the darkened corner of the bar.
“Is she gone?”

“Yep,” the man replied, lighting a cigarette.

“How’d you do it?”

“Didn’t need to,” he said, exhaling a puff of smoke. “She left town…on her
own.”

“Really?” Dru asked with a pleased smile. “Well, that makes it a lot easier
now, doesn’t it?”

* * * * *

Buffy knocked on her mother’s door two hours later. Her eyes were bloodshot
and puffy, and she was constantly sniffling. She hadn’t stopped crying
during the entire trip to Los Angeles.

Joyce Summers opened the door and immediately opened her arms to her
daughter. Buffy didn’t hesitate as she ran into them, sobbing as her mother
stroked her hair and offered the comfort that only a mother could provide.

“How are you, sweetheart?” Joyce asked gently.

Buffy pulled back, her chin trembling. “I know you didn’t just ask me
that,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

Joyce smiled before hugging her daughter to her again. After a few
minutes, Buffy finally pulled away and let her mother lead her into the
house.

“Hi, Buffy.”

She turned and smiled at her sister. “Dawnie? You’re all grown up.”

“And she’s getting her driver’s license next week,” Joyce said, rolling her
eyes.

Buffy offered a slight smile and a wink to her sister before giving her a
hug. “Are you okay?” Dawn whispered.

“I’ve been better,” Buffy said with a sigh as they walked into the living
room.

“How was Spike?” Joyce asked as they sat down.

“Not good,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “About the same as me.”

Buffy almost regretted introducing Spike to her family. She’d never lied to her mother about their relationship, but she hadn’t expected Joyce to warm up to him the way she had. Considering how Buffy’s father had cheated on her mother for so long, Buffy had expected the lecture to end all lectures, but Joyce had simply told her daughter that she would trust her judgment.

When Buffy had introduced Spike to Joyce on one of her mother’s trips to Sunnydale, Joyce had been so impressed with the adoration that had shown in his eyes toward Buffy, she had offered her support. Buffy had been shocked, to say the least, not only at her mother’s attitude toward her relationship, but also for her reasoning, when Joyce told her how much he obviously cared for Buffy. She had argued with Joyce that their relationship wasn’t about feelings as much as it was about other things, but her mother had merely patted her arm with a smile, saying she knew what she was talking about.

Spike had almost turned into the son she never had, calling Joyce to chat with her, making sure that she and Dawn were getting by, when Hank didn’t bother to send his alimony payments. Now, Buffy was taking that away.

She had called her mother the night before and explained the situation, immediately accepting the offer to come stay with her until school started after Labor Day.

“Do you want anything, Buffy?” Joyce asked. “Tea? Hot chocolate?
Something to eat?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I think I’ll just go lay down for a while. I didn’t get
much rest last night, trying to get packed.”

“Okay,” Joyce said. “Sleep well, honey.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Buffy replied, giving her mother another hug before grabbing
the only bag that she’d bothered to bring inside and heading upstairs.

* * * * *

Buffy was almost asleep when she heard her cell phone ringing. She sighed
as she rolled over, grabbing it from the nightstand where she’d left it and
looking at the caller ID.

‘Spike’

As if she couldn’t have guessed. Buffy took a deep breath, knowing she
shouldn’t answer, but knowing and wanting are two completely different
things.

“Hello, Spike,” she said softly into the phone.

“Are you okay?” his concerned voice floated to her.

“Spike, you shouldn’t be calling me. We need a clean break.”

“I don’t want a clean break, Buffy. I want you.”

“I’m hanging up now,” she said in a gentle tone that let him know it was
the last thing she wanted to do.

“No! Please don’t, luv. I…I just wanted to make sure you got to your mum’s
and you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” she whispered.

Spike stayed silent for a moment, as if debating with himself whether he was
going to ask her something. “Buffy…is there someone else?”

“Spike-“

“I won’t be mad,” he said in a tone that nearly broke her heart all over
again. “I realize it wasn’t fair to you…the situation I put you in. Having
to…wonder, all the time, what I was doing.”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed softly. “But there was no one else. Only the date
with Angel, and you know that didn’t amount to anything.”

“Yeah,” Spike said, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as
he tried to fight another round of tears. “I miss you. All those times
where I could have been with you, and I just…”

“I miss you, too.”

“Then come home,” he whispered.

“You know I can’t.”

“No, I don’t. I don’t know. I just want you here, Buffy.”

“I can’t live like that anymore. Please don’t make this harder by asking me
to,” Buffy said, sniffling slightly.

“You’re right,” he murmured. “I was a pillock for so long. I took you for
granted, and I never should have.”

“I should go,” Buffy said softly.

“When can I see you again?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I don’t
think that’s such a good idea.”

“Please, Buffy,” he whispered.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you,” Spike whispered, feeling relieved at just those simple words.
“Buffy…I’m willing to give you the space you need. I won’t come after you…unless you want me to.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said with a soft smile. She was moderately surprised that he wasn’t waiting for her in L.A. when she arrived, and she was relieved that he was respecting her.

“Buffy?”

“Yes?”

“I do love you.”

“I know,” Buffy whispered. “Good night.”

“Good night, baby.”

As both phones were turned off, two people in different cities
simultaneously began crying, feeling better and worse at the same time.

A/N This story is so emotionally draining that I’m giving you two combined chapters today. I’m proud of it, but everything about it is taking a toll. I was prepared (a few days ago) to put it on hiatus and give myself a break, but then I realized that you guys wouldn’t have a break and it’s probably just as stressful for you to read and wait to see what happens. So, I will keep updating until it’s finished (I think about seven more chapters), so enjoy the longer update. I’m not sure I’ll be able to update tomorrow, so if I don’t everyone have a safe and happy holiday!


Chapter 11 – Choices


Buffy was miserable. She knew she would be, but she didn’t expect to still feel like she was dying. It had been a month of solid torture, and Buffy was now moving her belongings into the house she’d found in Sunnydale.

Spike had begged her to meet him through voicemail everyday for over a week, but Buffy stayed strong. She had only talked to him one other time, and the agony in his voice nearly had her rushing home. However, she’d done a lot of soul searching and found the strength within herself to live without him, if she had to. She didn’t like being in a position that she would have to come to that decision, but she wanted to be happy and this was the first logical step toward that goal.

Spike didn’t know that she would be moving back today, but school started in a
few days, so Buffy fully expected to be seeing him at some point.

* * * * *

Buffy was preparing her classroom on the first day of school when she heard
a soft knock at the door. She felt her heart jump into her throat and her
breath catch, wondering if it was Spike. It was still two hours before the
children would arrive, and Buffy didn’t know if she could handle it.

“Hello?”

Buffy turned around at the strange voice and came face to face with a
handsome dark-haired man.

“Can I help you?”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied with a smile, speaking with a slight Midwestern
accent. “I’m Lindsey McDonald, I’m the new Phys. Ed. teacher.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Buffy said with a smile and a shake of her head. “I didn’t
know the position was filled, I’ve been out of town. I’m Buffy Summers,”
she finished, offering her hand.

Buffy was surprised when he kissed her hand instead of shaking it but
quickly put a smile on her face.

“That’s alright, Miss Summers,” Lindsey replied. “I’ve been learning the
ropes for about a week, and your name keeps popping up in every conversation
I’ve had.”

”Oh really?” Buffy asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” Lindsey said, looking sheepish. “It seems all of the teachers here
think we’d be perfect for each other.”

Buffy flushed, looking down at the ground.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“No, it’s fine,” Buffy replied, shaking her head.

“Well, that’s not actually why I came by. I just wanted to meet you. Put
the name to the face.”

“It was nice meeting you, Mr. McDonald.”

“It’s Lindsey.”

“Okay, Lindsey, then that means I’m Buffy.”

Lindsey turned to walk through the door but paused before leaving her room.

“Would you like to have lunch with me today?” he asked, turning around to
face her again.

“Um…I-I don’t think that’s such a-“

“Just as friends.”

“Okay,” Buffy said with a smile. “I’d like that.”

“Great,” Lindsey replied with a smile. “I’ll see you later.”

Buffy sighed as he left the room. She hated these awkward conversations
with men. She was never any good at it, and it just made her miss Spike more
than ever.

* * * * *

Buffy tried to be as energetic as possible during recess. She saw Lindsey
wave at her from the other side of the playground while keeping an eye on
his own class, and she forced a smile on her face as she returned the wave.
He really was a nice guy, and lunch had been filled with pleasant small talk,
but Buffy didn’t feel ready to begin dating so soon.

“Miss Summers?”

Buffy turned and knelt down to face one of her students.

“Yes, Bobby?”

“That man over there wants to talk to you.”

Buffy followed the direction the little boy was pointing in and felt as if
all the air had been knocked out of her. Spike stood on the other side of
the fence, looking very much like he did when she first saw him back in
January. The leather duster was gone, of course, due to the hot weather,
but he was there all the same.

With a shaky breath, Buffy stood, wiping her hands on her black pants and
nervously straightening her white silk shirt as she approached the fence,
worrying her bottom lip as she walked.

“Hello, Buffy,” he said softly as she approached.

“What are you doing here, Spike?” Buffy asked quietly.

“I had to see you,” he whispered, looking heartbroken.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I’m keeping my distance, luv,” he said with a wry smile, gesturing to the
fence that separated them.

“I haven’t changed my mind.”

“No…I didn’t expect you would,” Spike paused as he looked at the ground
before raising his watery eyes to hers. “I miss you, Buffy.”

“Spike, you can’t keep doing this,” Buffy said in a choked voice. “You need
to…you need to get over me.” Buffy felt like she was ripping out her own
heart as she said the words.

“Can we talk?” he asked, trying to keep from begging. “Some place private.”

“Spike, I’m working,” Buffy said, glancing around the playground.

“Not now…tonight. Will you do that for me, Buffy? Will you meet me
tonight?”

Buffy sighed, knowing her answer and hating herself for her weakness.
“Where?” she whispered.

Relief washed over Spike’s features as a brief smile came to his lips. “How
about your old place?”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head before he even finished speaking.
“Some place public.”

Spike looked down in thought for a moment before raising his eyes. “The
park?”

“Okay,” Buffy whispered. “I’ll meet you at eight.”

“Thank you,” he whispered before slowly turning away.

“And Spike?” Buffy waited until he turned around again. “We can’t keep
doing this. Tonight…it has to be good-bye.”

* * * * *

Buffy decided to walk to the park, needing the extra time to clear her head.
She looked down at her clothes, still unsure about what she was wearing.
What are you supposed to wear to meet your married ex-lover?

She had finally decided on a pair of jeans and a sleeveless black shirt with
her long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Buffy walked slowly through the
park, hugging her arms around her body against the chill that was creeping
through her in spite of the warm weather.

Buffy could see Spike in the distance as he paced, tapping an unlit
cigarette against his open palm, the last rays of the setting sun casting
him in a golden glow.

“Trying to quit?” Buffy asked, coming up behind him and offering a small
smile when he whirled around to face her.

“Uh…yeah,” he replied, gazing into her eyes. He tossed the cigarette to the
ground before slowly walking toward her. “How’ve you been?” he asked in a
soft tone.

Buffy broke their eye contact, looking down at the ground as she scuffed the
toe of her boot into the dirt. “I’ve been okay,” she whispered, avoiding
his eyes. “What about you?”

“Without you? Miserable.”

Buffy brought her eyes up to his, seeing that they were shimmering with
tears. Spike took a deep, shaky breath as he took another step toward her.
“How can I fix this, Buffy?” he asked in a pleading voice.

“Spike, you can’t,” Buffy said, shaking her head as she battled her own
tears. “You’re married. I should have ended this when I found out and not
dragged it on for months. This can never work. You’re starting a family
with your wife, and I just…I just can’t do it anymore.”

“I don’t want to start a family with Dru.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open slightly as she stared at him. “So you’re
leaving her?” she asked in disbelief.

Spike took a shuddering breath as he walked over to sit on a nearby bench, dropping his head into his hands. “I just know I want to be with you,” he replied in a choked voice before slowly raising his tear-filled eyes to hers. “Tell me what to do,” he practically pleaded with her, silently begging Buffy to ask him to leave his wife. Buffy knew it. Spike knew it. But she wouldn’t ask that of him. Buffy had come to terms with possibly being a part of the destruction of a marriage, but she wouldn’t ask him to leave. A month ago she might have, but now he needed to make that decision on his own.

“You only wanted me because I was there, Spike…because I was available,” Buffy replied with a sigh.

“That’s not true,” Spike said, standing and walking toward her.

Buffy inhaled sharply when she felt his muscular arms go around her waist,
pulling her against him, before she looked into his eyes. “So you’re
telling me you’d divorce Drusilla if I wanted you to?”

“Is that what you want?”

Buffy saw the worry and something that could be identified as hope etched onto his face and felt her heart break a little more. “I want to be happy,” she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.

Spike couldn’t resist any longer. His mouth covered hers in desperate need
as Buffy’s lips parted. Both moaned at the feeling of being together again
before Buffy slowly began to pull away.

Spike pulled back to look into her eyes, letting his hand trail over her
cheek before settling on the back of her neck, attempting to bring her back
for another kiss. Buffy looked down before their lips could meet, causing
Spike to lean back and stare at her. “I can make you happy, Buffy.”

“You could,” Buffy agreed with a slight nod. “But you don’t even know if
you want me.”

“I do, I-“

“Spike, I love you. I will always love you, but I just can’t go on like
this.”

Spike took a deep breath, preparing to come to terms with everything that had transpired since he met the woman he was in love with. Preparing to tell Buffy what he had realized in the month that she’d been away. “Buffy-“

“I’ve met somebody,” Buffy lied, interrupting what Spike was about to say. She averted her eyes and preparing for the explosion. “I-I needed to move on, and I…”

“Who is it?” Spike asked, clenching his jaw.

“Nobody you know,” Buffy whispered.

“Kiss me.”

“What?” she asked, looking up at him.

Buffy’s eyes widened before squeezing them shut as Spike’s mouth assaulted
hers. Their tongues seemed to do battle as his hands went to her arms,
holding her in place as his tongue swept over her lower lip.

Breaking away after a few moments, Spike stared into her eyes. “I know you
still feel it,” he said, breathing heavily. “You said it yourself, you’re
still in love with me. You’ll always love me. You don’t want to be with
anybody else.”

Buffy closed her eyes, letting the tears slide down her cheeks as she bit
her lip. “Why can’t you just let me go?” she whispered. “Why do you have
to keep hurting me?”

“How am I hurting you?” Spike asked, partly in concern and partly in anger
as he tilted her head up. Buffy backed away as she prepared to leave.

“You won’t choose me.”

* * * * *

“So that was him?”

“What?” Buffy asked, turning around, her arms laden with building blocks
and seeing Lindsey standing behind her.

“The guy on the playground yesterday,” he clarified, gesturing to the
window. “I didn’t get a good look at him, but I’m guessing he was your ex. The reason you’re not ready to date
yet.”

“How did…what makes you say that?”

“Just a guess,” he replied with a shrug, walking into the classroom and
helping Buffy pick up the toys, tossing them into the nearby bins. “The way
you talked to him. I guess the body language sums it up.”

“Body language?”

“Yeah,” he said, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “It just
seemed like you two were more than friends.”

“’Were’ being the key word in that sentence,” Buffy said, avoiding his eyes
as she continued picking up the room.

“So…you’re not seeing anyone?”

“Um…no…not right now.”

“Well, I was kind of hoping maybe I could take you out sometime.”

“Lindsey-“

“I know, I know,” Lindsey replied, holding up his hands in mock surrender.
“You’re not looking for a serious relationship, but neither am I.”

“I’m not looking for a sleepover buddy, either.”

Lindsey laughed at her comment, shaking his head. “I just thought we could
go out and relax. Nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“I guess not,” Buffy murmured.

“Great,” he said with a smile. “How about Friday night at seven?”

“It’s a date.”

A/N Wow! I really didn’t think I would have time to update today, but here it is. Please review!


Chapter 12 – Date Night


Friday arrived faster than Buffy expected. She glanced at the clock while
smoothing her cream-colored skirt. Turning to look in the mirror, she
inspected the navy silk, sleeveless top she had chosen and quickly fluffed
her hair when she heard a knock on the door. With some trepidation, she
walked toward it, taking a deep breath as she pulled it open.

“Wow,” Lindsey greeted her with a smile. “You look stunning.”

Buffy blushed nervously and offered him a smile as she pulled the door shut
behind her. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

The compliment was true, but even Buffy felt it was a little forced as he
guided her to his truck.

“I was thinking of the standard ‘dinner and a movie.’

“Sounds great,” Buffy said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

* * * * *

Dinner had gone better than expected. Buffy felt comfortable around Lindsey,
and he did his best to keep her at ease, cracking jokes and giving her that
lazy smile that seemed to make her want to smile as well.

“Are you about ready?” Lindsey asked, glancing at his watch. “We still have
a little time, if you want to wait.”

“No, it’s fine,” Buffy said with a smile as they stood up.

She hesitated when Lindsey offered her his arm, but she knew she couldn’t
refuse. It just felt unnatural to be in such close proximity with another
man.

‘Is this how Spike feels with Drusilla?’ a little voice in her head
wondered. ‘Don’t be silly, Buffy,’ she chastised herself. ‘They were
together long before you entered the picture- he’s probably more comfortable
around her than he ever was around you.’

Buffy smiled as Lindsey held the door open for her, only to swallow a gasp
when she narrowly avoided crashing into the object of her thoughts. She
watched as Spike backed up to give her room to leave the restaurant. Their
eyes met for a long moment before Buffy realized he was there with his
wife, who was calmly looking her up and down with slightly narrowed eyes.

Lindsey came up behind her, letting his hand rest on the small of her back-
a move that did not go unnoticed by Spike.

“Hello, Buffy,” Spike said calmly, causing Buffy’s eyes to widen.

“You two know each other?” Drusilla asked with mock innocence.

“Buffy was Jessica’s kindergarten teacher last year,” Spike said to his
wife. “Buffy Summers, meet my wife Drusilla.”

Spike gave her an apologetic look as Dru reached out to shake her hand,
though it almost looked like she wanted Buffy to kiss it instead. Buffy
looked at it with apprehension before slowly reaching forward and shaking
it. She felt her skin crawl at being so close to this woman, pulling away
from her as quickly as possible.

“It’s a pleasure,” Drusilla said in her upper class accent.

Spike raised an eyebrow at Buffy, looking from her to the man next to her,
causing Buffy to return to the present. “I’m sorry, this is Lindsey
McDonald. Lindsey, this is Mr. and Mrs. Atherton.”

Spike watched Buffy carefully as she made the introductions, feeling a stab
of pain go through him at the formality. He knew it was probably
for the best, but it still added to the hurt he was already feeling when he
saw her with another man. He also felt tremendous guilt at the realization
that this was what he had put her through every time he had left her to go
home to his wife.

Lindsey reached forward to shake his hand, and Spike resisted every nerve in
his body that told him to crush each bone he came in contact with. He was
able to control himself, but he couldn’t help but add more pressure than he
needed to.

“Nice to meet you,” Lindsey said, pulling his hand away and wrapping it
around Buffy’s waist. “We better get going,” he said softly, noticing how
pale she was. “We don’t want to be late.”

“Yeah,” she agreed with a slight nod. “It was nice seeing you again,” she
said to Spike, pasting a fake smile on her face as he gave her a nod.

“Yeah,” he said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. “You, too.”

Spike opened the door for his wife, but his eyes never left the blonde as
she was led to a truck that was parked a few yards away. He blinked back the
tears in his eyes, trying his best to be strong as he followed Drusilla
into the restaurant.

“The school teacher seemed a little on edge,” Drusilla commented as they
were looking through their menus a few minutes later.

Spike raised his eyes from his own menu and studied his wife. She wasn’t
looking at him, but he knew she could feel his eyes on her. “I guess,” he
murmured.

“Is she married to that handsome young man?” Dru asked, raising innocent
eyes to her husband.

“No,” he said softly, wishing his drink would get here as he looked around
for their waiter.

“Pity,” Dru commented. “They make a very attractive couple.”

Spike clenched his jaw as he looked at the menu, not really seeing it as his
mind drifted back to Buffy. He glanced up at his wife, paying attention to
the startling differences in the two women. He’d always known they were
there, but now, they seemed more obvious.

Buffy seemed to exude warmth, and Drusilla had always been distant and cold
with him. Rarely letting him in. That was one of the reasons he had been
so easily swayed to cheat on her originally. The other reason being,
the force that seemed to draw him to Buffy in the first place. He couldn’t
seem to stay away from the blonde, and he didn’t want to. He was in love
with Buffy. He knew that, but sitting here across from his wife, it hit him
that he was in love with only her.

“Dru, I think we need to talk.”

* * * * *

Buffy was able to put Spike in the back of her mind for most of the night.
She and Lindsey had enjoyed the movie and were now standing on her front
porch.

Buffy took a deep breath. “Do you want to come in?”

Lindsey gave her a questioning look as she shook her head with a smile. “I
mean for coffee.”

“Coffee would be great,” he said with a smile of his own as he followed
Buffy into the house.

“There’s the living room,” Buffy said, gesturing to the room to their left.
“I’ll just be in the kitchen.”

“Don’t be silly, I’ll help you.”

“No, it’s really-“

“I don’t mind,” Lindsey replied.

Buffy nervously made the coffee, fidgeting with everything she put her hands
on. She was currently tapping her hands on a mug as they waited. Buffy
jumped slightly when she felt strong hands go to her shoulders.

“You’re tense,” Lindsey said softly as he applied pressure to her muscles.
“Relax, I don’t bite.”

Buffy smiled but immediately tensed up when she felt herself being turned
around in his arms. She gasped when his lips met hers but tried to go with
the movements. This wasn’t what she was used to. He wasn’t who she was used to…he wasn’t who she needed him to be, but Buffy tried to forget Spike and enjoy the simple kiss as Lindsey’s hands came up to her hair.

Both jumped at the shrill sound of the telephone ringing. Buffy swallowed
hard as she slowly pulled out of Lindsey’s embrace to grab the cordless.
Looking at the caller ID, Buffy briefly closed her eyes before turning to
face Lindsey.

“Excuse me,” she murmured to him as she walked toward the living room with
the phone.

“I can leave if-“

“It’s okay,” Buffy interrupted, walking into the kitchen. “This won’t take
long.”

Buffy took a deep breath as she leaned against the front door. “Hello.”

“I need to see you.”

“No, you don’t,” Buffy replied, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.
She missed him so much. That point was made glaringly obvious a few moments ago when she realized no other man would feel right.

“Buffy, look outside.”

“What?”

“Just…please.”

Buffy sighed as she turned around and opened the front door, gasping when
she saw Spike standing on the front porch. Before she knew what was
happening, he grabbed her arm and pulled her through the door and into the
shadows of the porch as he shut the door behind her.

“Spike, you can’t keep doing this,” she whispered, looking around nervously.
“And…how’d you know where I lived?”

“Called your mum,” he explained sheepishly.

“And she just told you?”

“No, she wasn’t home. The Nibblet told me.”

“I’m going to kill her,” Buffy mumbled under her breath, looking down at the
ground and shaking her head.

Spike tilted her chin up. “I just wanted to…”

“What?” she asked softly.

Spike swallowed hard, obviously trying to reign in his temper. “I hope I
didn’t interrupt anything.”

“What are you talking about?”

Spike slowly brought a hand up to wipe away Buffy’s smudged lipstick.

Buffy looked down, feeling something very close to shame, even though it was
ridiculous. “It was just a kiss,” she murmured.

“Is he in there?” Spike asked, looking at the house, trying to keep his jaw
from clenching.

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“I’ll come back.”

“What?”

“I’ll be back in an hour, luv,” he said softly. “I need to talk to you, and
I don’t want it to be rushed because your date is waiting on you.”

“Spike-“

Buffy’s words were cut off as Spike’s lips met hers in a gentle kiss. She
felt her heart race and her cheeks flush at the feel of him against her
body. There would never be anyone who felt this right.

* * * * *

Lindsey wandered around the kitchen as he waited for Buffy to return. He
looked at his cell phone when it began ringing and let out a sigh.

“Yeah.”

“Change of plans.”

“What are you talking about, Drusilla?”

“I have a new task for you.”

A/N A few people have asked why I chose Lindsey instead of Riley. It’s really simple- I’m sick of Riley (though I have nothing against Marc Blucas). I was ready for a change and I always liked the character of Lindsey, so I thought this would be the perfect story for him. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


Chapter 13 – Making Up


Buffy nervously walked toward the front door an hour later. She was able to
subtly kick Lindsey out with the flimsy excuse that she had a headache, and
now she was beginning to wonder if she should have left also.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy wasn’t sure if she was ready for the pain and
heartache that seemed to be associated with seeing Spike lately.

“Open the door, Buffy,” she murmured to herself as she twisted the knob.

Buffy barely had a chance to step back as Spike practically bolted through
the door, slamming it shut with his heel as he grabbed Buffy and pressed her
against the door. Buffy gasped as his lips came crashing down on hers,
taking her breath from her but not stopping her hands from traveling up to
clasp behind his neck.

Spike’s mouth ravaged hers as he kissed her hungrily, his tongue gently
running along her teeth before brushing against hers.

Buffy gasped again as he pulled back, bringing his hands up to each side of
her face as he tried to catch his breath. Buffy tried to control her own
breathing as she closed her eyes. She could feel her heartbeat skyrocketing
as Spike’s thumbs gently stroked her cheeks.

Spike waited until Buffy opened her eyes and looked at him before pressing
a softer kiss to her lips.

“What was that for?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Spike-“

“And I’m leaving Drusilla.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as she stared at him in shock. “You’re leaving
her?” she whispered, not wanting to believe it. Not wanting to get her
hopes up, only to have them all come crashing down again.

“I have to be with you, Buffy. I love you.”

“And this-“

“I’ve changed, Buffy,” Spike continued, looking at her through hopeful eyes.

“You’re sure about that?” Buffy asked, praying what he was saying was true.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, than I am of being here with you.”

Buffy didn’t even think as she spun them around until she was pushing Spike
into the door, crushing her mouth against his as his hands slid under her
shirt, running up the smooth expanse of her back.

Buffy pulled back, panting, as she stared into his eyes. They were darkened
with desire, looking almost navy, as she pulled him to the couch before
turning around with a smirk and pushing him onto the soft cushions.

Spike leaned forward, lifting her shirt slightly, to kiss along the flat
muscles of her stomach before running his hands along her thighs and giving
them a light tug. Buffy squealed as she found herself sitting on Spike’s
lap, smiling against his lips as he gave her a soft kiss.

Buffy’s hands ran through his hair, dislodging the curls from the gel that
was holding them in place, as their tongues tangled. Buffy moaned into his
mouth as Spike’s arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer against
him. Spike broke away from her lips with a gasp as he felt Buffy’s hips
grind into his. He tilted his head, staring at her, and smiled when he saw
the mischievous grin on her lips.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?” Buffy teased, innocently biting her bottom lip as he
narrowed his eyes, watching her.

“You know what,” he replied, letting his hands slide up her thighs, reaching
around to lightly squeeze her butt.

Buffy giggled, squirming around on his lap until he moaned with desire. She
slowly leaned forward, lightly running her tongue along the edge of his ear
before gently biting the lobe. “Say pretty please,” she whispered with a
smile.

“Buffy…“ he replied in a warning tone.

Buffy giggled again as she pulled back to look into his eyes, seeing the
humor in them, as she stuck out her bottom lip in a pout.

“Please,” he whispered, not sounding at all genuine.

Buffy puffed her lip out even more, backing away as Spike tried to catch it
between his teeth.

With a heavy sigh, Spike glared at her as she fought a grin. “Pretty
please,” he grumbled. “Fine, are you happy now?”

Buffy didn’t respond as she tenderly ran a hand over his cheekbone, never
breaking eye contact. “Yes,” she whispered. “I’m very happy now.” Spike
watched as she leaned forward, brushing feather-light kisses along his neck,
all the way up to his ear. “I love you, Spike.”

Spike grasped her hips, pulling her forward as their lips met again. Buffy
moaned, the playful mood evaporating as she pushed her body against his.

“I need you,” she whispered, unbuttoning his shirt as his hands slid up her
shirt, brushing lightly over her breasts as she arched her back, craving
more contact. Spike stripped her of her shirt and bra as Buffy scraped her
fingernails over his exposed muscles, smiling when they tensed under her
fingers.

Spike watched as Buffy met his eyes, slowly running her hands lower until
she unhurriedly unzipped his pants, pulling him free of the confining
material. Spike swept her thong aside, letting his fingers lightly brush
over her as she positioned herself above him. Never breaking eye contact,
Buffy lowered herself onto him, gasping as he filled her.

“Buffy-“

“Shhh,” she whispered, moving her hips against his as bolts of pleasure shot
through her body. “I already know.”

Spike lifted himself off the couch, causing a cry to erupt from Buffy as he
hit the elusive spot inside of her. Buffy arched her back, getting almost
as much pleasure from the feel of Spike holding her firmly in his arms as
they moved together.

Feeling the tightening in her stomach, Buffy sped up her thrusts as Spike
began moving more rapidly, letting his hands slip to her waist as she moved
up and down on him. He could feel her muscles begin to squeeze him in
preparation of her impending orgasm as her breath came out in gasps.

Spike buried his head in her neck seconds before she lost control,
screaming out his name in ecstasy.

Her climax triggered his as he practically exploded, almost painfully,
inside of her, holding on to her in an iron grip as he slowly came back
down to earth. “I love you,” he whispered, kissing her naked shoulder.

Buffy tried to calm her breathing as she ran her fingers through his hair.
“I know.”

* * * * *

Lindsey sat down at the table in the darkened corner of the bar, watching
the brunette as she calmly lit a cigarette before raising her eyes to his.
“You said you had some work for me.”

“That I do, my dear boy,” Drusilla replied.

“Look, if you want her out of town, it’s not going to happen. She loved
that job, and there’s no way she’s leaving those kids. As for anything
illegal that you may want me to do, forget it. I just got a good job, and
I’m not about to risk it just to be sent to prison.”

“It’s not illegal,” Drusilla reassured him with a smile. “Just a little immoral.”

“Okay…what is it?”

* * * * *

Two hours later, the naked couple lay in her bed with their bodies
comfortably intertwined with each other. Buffy sighed, her back pressed
against his muscular chest, Spike’s fingers interlaced with hers as they
both stared at their joined hands, bathed in the moonlight.

“I missed you, so much,” Spike whispered, lightly brushing kisses over her
skin.

“I missed you, too,” she said softly, tears shimmering in her eyes at the
happiness she was feeling. “But I had to go.”

“I know. I understand.”

Chapter 14 – Gifts


Buffy rolled over in her bed, mildly surprised when she collided with a bare
chest.

It had been a week since Spike had announced he was leaving his wife, and he
was practically living at Buffy’s. Spike hadn’t heard a word from Drusilla,
much to their surprise, and he and Buffy had settled into a comfortable
routine.

Now, as Buffy entered the first stages of waking, she stretched, trying to
work the aches and pains out of her body. They were, not surprisingly, as a
result of another marathon with Spike. She felt an aching sensation running
through her muscles as she slowly opened her eyes and was met with the
brilliant blue of Spike’s as he lay next to her, studying her with a serious
expression.

“What’s wrong, luv?” he asked, pulling her closer to him,

“You gave me a workout last night,” Buffy said in a soft voice, snuggling closer to him. Before glancing at the clock, seeing she was already running late. “Great,” she muttered. “I’m going to be running late.”

“You sure that’s all that’s wrong?” he asked softly as he checked her forehead.

“Positive,” Buffy said. “Just a little rundown I guess.”

“Maybe you’re pregnant.”

Buffy turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. “Why do you sound happy about that?”

Spike shrugged. “Having a baby wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” he whispered, brushing a kiss along her shoulder. “As long as it was with you.”

Buffy smiled. “Don’t get your hopes up. I’m not pregnant, just tired.”

“I’ve got to go to L.A. this afternoon,” Spike reminded her of his business
trip. “Maybe I should postpone it,” he said softly as he checked her
forehead again.

“No, Spike,” Buffy replied. “I’m not an invalid, I’ll be fine. Besides,
you’ll be back tomorrow, and I’ll either be better or worse.”

“I’m not seeing much of an upside to it if you’re worse, pet,” Spike said
with a raised eyebrow.

“Well,” Buffy started, sitting up as she slowly got out of bed. “If I’m
better…”

She paused, turning to look at him with a raised eyebrow, biting her bottom
lip as she smiled at him, letting the unspoken statement hang in the air
before turning toward the bathroom. “And if I’m worse, I’ll have my
wonderful boyfriend to take care of me,” she called as she left the room.

Spike chuckled, waiting until he heard the shower turn on before getting out
of bed and quietly sneaking into the bathroom. Slipping into the
shower behind her, Buffy gasped when she felt his hands on her body.

“What are you doing?”

“Starting the morning the way I always want to,” Spike replied in a husky
whisper as he left soft kisses on her damp skin.

“Spike,” Buffy moaned. “I’m already running late.”

Spike smiled against her skin when her words contradicted her actions as she
pushed herself against him. He let his arms band around her waist,
positioning himself at her entrance as Buffy braced herself against the wall
of the shower, expecting Spike to slam into her, but was surprised when he
slid into her with aching slowness.

“God, I love you,” he moaned when he was fully sheathed inside her,
gripping her hips to keep from moving too much until the sensations weren’t
as overwhelming.

Buffy moaned at the feel of him as she stood up a little straighter,
pressing her back against his chest, only fueling Spike’s desire even more
when he felt her damp skin. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her
closer to him as they slowly began to move together, in a steady rhythm.

Buffy could feel the muscles in his chest, pressed hard against her back as
he slowly pulled out, only to push back in at an achingly slow pace. She
frantically pushed against him, breathing a sigh of relief when his pace
began to speed up, thrusting in and out of her. Buffy gasped when she felt
his teeth graze over her shoulder, the unexpected feeling sending her over
the edge.

Spike closed his eyes as her fluttering inner muscles clamped down on his
shaft as he pushed as far into her as he could go, letting his own body
shake with his climax.

The world seemed to slowly come back to them. The sound of the shower as
the water hit the tiles and slid along their bodies, the two of them gasping
for air as Spike held her to his chest before slowly pulling out of her.

Buffy felt the aching return to her muscles as she turned around in his
arms, snuggling deeper into his chest as he held onto her.

“You’re probably going to get sick now,” she whispered.

“It was worth it,” he said with a smile, pulling her closer.

* * * * *

Buffy sat at one of the picnic tables in the middle of the recess area, her
head propped up on one hand while keeping an eye on her class as they
laughed and ran around the grassy area. She turned when she felt someone’s
eyes on her and smiled when she saw Lindsey. He had been surprisingly
gracious when she told him she wouldn’t be able to see him anymore, and
they’d made an effort to work on a tentative friendship.

“How’s your day?” Lindsey asked, sitting next to her.

Buffy nodded her head tiredly as an answer.

“You feeling okay?” he asked, looking at her in concern.

“Just a little under the weather, I guess.”

“I figured,” Lindsey replied. “You’re usually more active than the kids,”
he finished with a smile.

“Yeah,” Buffy said, watching her students running around and giggling. “I
don’t know, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I probably just need some more rest.”

Lindsey seemed to be nervous about something as they sat in silence. “Is something wrong, Lindsey?”

He hesitated for a moment. “No,” he finally said, shaking his head as he seemed to be having an inner debate with himself. “No, it’s nothing.”

Buffy watched as he got up and walked away, her brow furrowed in confusion before she turned her attention back to her class.

* * * * *

Spike was already running late for his trip as he grabbed some papers off
his desk and hurriedly shoved them in his briefcase. Taking a last look
around his office, he nodded to himself that he was ready before pulling
open the door.

His eyes widened slightly before narrowing. “Drusilla,” he greeted in an
even tone.

“Hello, my Spike,” she cooed.

“I’m not yours anymore.”

“Oh yes…you belong with Sunshine now.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Drusilla pushed by him, walking over to his desk with a manila envelope
that she unceremoniously dropped onto the surface.

“What’s this?” Spike asked, picking it up.

“A little gift.”

“I didn’t know we give gifts in celebration of divorce,” Spike said wryly.
“Although, it might make sense.”

“Open it.”

Spike looked at her skeptically before tearing open the envelope and
removing the glossy photographs inside. Masking his surprise at the 8 x 10
pictures of him and Buffy in compromising positions on the beach outside her
old apartment, Spike tossed them down on the desk and looked at a woman he
once thought he was in love with.

“Good for you, ducks,” he said in a bored tone, bracing his hands against
the surface. “I was wondering if you’d ever figure it out. It’s a little
bit clichéd, isn’t it, pet? You showing up at my office with a stack of
photographs. I would have expected more from you.”

For Drusilla’s part, she didn’t even flinch. “Look harder.”

Spike frowned, flipping through the stack until he came to several pictures of him and Buffy on her desk at school that were taken two days ago when Spike had surprised her after work.

“What the hell is this?” Spike asked, giving her a hard look.

“Do you think the schoolboard would enjoy one of their teachers holding such
little regard for her job?”

“What the hell do you want, Dru?” Spike growled.

“What do you think?”



A/N Just clarifying: Buffy’s sickness isn’t anything. Even though nothing will come of it, I wanted to show a tender Spike. Also, in case some people are wondering: Lindsey was a private investigator, hired to find Buffy (the beach pictures). The ‘immoral thing’ that Dru wanted him to do was take some pictures for blackmail. I also didn’t write in the scene in the school because I’m working on a new WIP where Buffy is a student and Spike is a teacher (I know it’s been done, but I’m putting my spin on it) that should be posted next week and there’s a lot of smut in that one :-) I didn’t want to get burned out on writing sex scenes. Thanks for reading and please review!

Chapter 15 – Emotions


“Buffy!” Spike yelled, walking into her house, slamming the door behind him.
“Buffy, are you here?”

Buffy came racing down the stairs, concerned that Spike was even there.
“You’re supposed to be in Los Angeles,” she said as he pulled her to him
for a crushing hug. “What’s wrong?” Buffy waited for a moment before
asking again when Spike didn’t say anything. “Spike, what’s going on?”

“There’s a problem,” he muttered quietly.

“Wh-what kind of problem?”

Spike pulled out the pictures, handing them over to her. Buffy took the
photographs and flipped through them, her expression finally turning to a
look of horror when she got to the last few. “How…who?”

“Drusilla.”

Buffy’s face paled as she looked up at Spike. “What’s she going to do?”

“Well, if she doesn’t get what she wants, she’s threatening to send them to
the schoolboard and have you suspended.”

“What does she want?” Buffy asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

“Me,” Spike said simply.

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “I won’t let you. I can’t let you do
that for something like this.”

“Buffy, this is your career.”

“You think that matters to me? I don’t want it if I have to lose you.”

“It’s not just that, luv. What about your reputation?”

“I don’t care!” she cried.

“I do,” he said quietly.

Buffy felt numb as shock seemed to settle into every muscle of her body.
“You’re going back to her.”

Spike didn’t answer, knowing she wasn’t asking.

“You bastard,” she whispered, shaking her head as she backed away, toward the
stairs. “This whole time…this whole time you were never planning on
staying. You were just using me for a little break from your normal life.”

“Buffy, of course I was planning on staying. I just can’t let these
pictures destroy everything you’ve tried to make of yourself.”

“No…why let that happen when you do such a damn fine job of it yourself?”

“Buffy-“

“Don’t,” she replied, turning and running up the stairs.

Spike clenched his jaw before following her, walking to the end of the
hallway, turning the doorknob of their bedroom. Locked.

“Buffy,” he called, knocking on the door.

“Just go,” Buffy cried as she buried her face in a pillow, letting her
tears fall freely. She should have known that it would never last. That it
was too good to be true. It always was.

“Buffy, open the soddin’ door before I break it down.”

“No!”

Buffy jumped when the sound of wood splintering filled the room. She sat up
straight, staring in shock as the door swung open, pieces of wood flying
away from the frame. Spike angrily stepped through the doorway as he made his way toward her bed, pulling her up by her arms and brutally crushing his lips to hers.

Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked deep into her eyes, trying to make
her understand what he was going through. “I love you.”

“Then don’t do this,” she whispered. “All I want is you…I don’t care about
anything else.”

“I’ll just move back for a little while,” he said softly. “I’ll find the
negatives and then I’ll come home.”

Buffy felt her heart breaking as she shook her head. “And you don’t think
she’s thought of that little possibility? She’s not going to just leave
them out in the open for you to find and destroy.”

“Buffy-“

“I’m not doing this again, Spike. I’m not going to be the other woman. If
you leave, then I can’t be with you.”

“I’m doing this for you!”

“No, you’re not!” Buffy yelled back. “You’re doing this for you! Just like
you’ve done everything else! Just admit it, Spike…you don’t want me. I’m
not the long-haul girl, I’m just the little plaything on the side.”

Spike’s hold on her arms tightened as she spoke. “Do you honestly believe
that?” he asked in a deceivingly quiet voice.

‘No,’ Buffy thought. ‘I really don’t.’

“Does it matter what I think?” she asked. “Does it matter what I want?”

“It won’t take long,” he whispered, brushing his lips over her forehead.
“I’ll be in and out before you know it.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“And you think that’s not what she’s planning? To get you to move back into
that house? Into her bed?”

“I won’t.”

“But how will you stop her, Spike?” Buffy asked sarcastically. “After all,
if you moved back in with a woman you wanted to divorce, then obviously the
next logical step is to sleep with her, since she is your wife, after all.”

“How can you accuse me of that?”

“Because that was my life!” Buffy yelled. “That was my life for more than
half a year and that’s why I fucking left you!” She broke down in sobs,
nearly crumpling to the floor as Spike caught her. “I can’t live like that
again,” she whispered as Spike sat down on the bed with her on his lap,
pulling her closer to him. “I felt like it was killing me when you had to
leave me, and now you’re telling me that you’re doing it again. I told you I
couldn’t live like that, Spike, and I meant it…I meant it,” she repeated as she sobbed into his chest.

Spike felt his body tense with hatred toward his wife. The woman he loved
was sobbing in his arms, and he only had two options- neither of which looked
very appealing.

“I won’t do anything with her, Buffy. I promise.”

“What if it was me, Spike?” she asked softly.

“What, luv?”

“If I wanted to save your career by going to live with another man…another
man who I had a relationship with…how would you feel?”

Buffy didn’t need an answer, she could feel Spike’s muscles tense when she
mentioned it.

“I’ll go talk to her tomorrow.”

“Talk?” she whispered, her voice full of hope.

Spike gently brushed his lips against hers. “Talk,” he reaffirmed. “That’s
all…I promise.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her as she
held on. “Thank you,” she whispered.

A/N I combined two chapters for you today. This story only has two chapters to go, so please review!



Chapter 16 – Closure


Spike knocked on the door of the mansion, not wanting to use his key since
he didn’t consider it his home. Wesley answered, surprised when he saw his
boss standing on the other side.

“Mr. Atherton. It’s so good to see you home, sir.”

“I’m not home, Wes,” Spike replied, walking into the foyer and looking at
the cold surroundings. “Is Drusilla here?”

“I believe she’s in the bedroom, sir.”

“Thanks, Wes.”

Spike turned, feeling as if he was walking in slow motion as he made his way
toward the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he raised a fist to the door a
second before it opened.

“My Spike,” she cooed in a voice that was really grating on Spike’s nerves.

“I’m not yours,” he said in a cold tone.

“Only because that little slut took you away from me.”

It took every ounce of willpower that Spike possessed not to hit the woman
in front of him. “Don’t you ever talk about her that way,” he said, taking
a menacing step closer to her.

His imposing stance did nothing to the look in Drusilla’s eyes.

‘That’s the one and only thing that she and Buffy have in common,’ Spike
thought. ‘They both know how to stand up to me.’

“I’m so glad you’ve come home to be with your princess.”

“I haven’t come home, and if I did, it sure as hell wouldn’t be for you.
This isn’t my home, Dru. My home is with Buffy…it has been for a long
time.”

“That’s not true, Spike,” she said softly, swaying in front of him.

‘How did I put up with this for so long? I’ve known that she was a psycho, but I just ignored it.’

“You always come back to my bed,” Drusilla continued. “I’ve always been
first in your life.”

“No, you haven’t,” Spike growled. “You were just someone I settled on. You
made me think that I was in love with you so we could get married and you
would have an ‘in’ with all the rich people you wanted.”

Spike was mildly surprised when she did nothing to deny this. He was mildly
hurt that his marriage was for nothing until he looked into the future and
saw Buffy’s smiling face.

“It worked out well for both of us,” Drusilla said with an uncaring
expression.

“Until I met the woman I was meant to be with.”

“So you’re not staying?” she asked in a tone that implied she’d known that
he wouldn’t from the beginning.

“No. I want the photographs and the negatives. NOW!”

Drusilla began cackling as she looked at her husband. “You really thought
it would be that easy? That you could just walk in and demand something
without any type of payment?”

“You want money?” Spike asked. “Take it. Take everything. The house, the
cars, the country club membership- I don’t give a damn about any of it. I
have what I want. I have the only thing I need.”

“Yes, your one true love,” Dru said sardonically. “But I don’t want money,
precious William.”

“What do you want?” Spike growled.

“You. Once more, for old times sake. You do this for me, and I will give
you every copy of every picture and their negatives. No one will ever have
to know, and you can go back to your new little toy, knowing that she’s safe
from any scandals.”

* * * * *

Buffy sat at her desk, nervously chewing on her thumbnail. School had been
over for twenty minutes and she was so nervous, she didn’t want to go home.
She looked up with hope in her eyes when she heard a knock on the door. Her
heart fell when she saw Lindsey standing there instead of Spike.

“I thought I’d come and check on you. Are you okay?”

“I’ve been better,” Buffy murmured, drumming her nails along the surface of
the desk in aggravation.

“What’s wrong?” Lindsey asked, sitting on the edge of her desk as Buffy
worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Is it your boyfriend?”

Buffy raised her eyes to his, slightly surprised at the question. “I never
told you I was seeing anybody.”

“I know,” Lindsey replied in quiet voice as he avoided her eyes.

“Lindsey-“

“Buffy, I have something that I need to tell you.”

Buffy looked at him with uncertainty clouding her features. “What is it?”

Lindsey sighed, reaching into his back pocket and extracting a small
envelope from his back pocket. “I think these belong to you.”

Buffy took the envelope, looking at is skeptically for a moment before
opening it. She pulled out several strips of negatives, becoming even more
confused as she held them up to the light. Her mouth dropped open as her
eyes widened, seeing the pictures that Spike had brought home the day
before.

“Where did you get these?”

Lindsey stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets as he began to pace
around the room. “I took them.”

“Took them as in ‘stole them’ or took them as in-“

“I photographed you.”

Buffy felt her mouth go dry as her stomach clenched. “Some of these
pictures were taken on the beach…months before I even met you.”

“I know,” Lindsey muttered. “Drusilla hired me to spy on her husband…that’s
what I came up with.”

Buffy looked at him with absolute shock on her features. “How could you do
this?”

“It was a job, Buffy,” he tried to explain. “I was hired to see what he was
doing and then to take you out of the picture.”

Buffy was out of her seat and backing away from him in less than a second.
“If you say you were hired to kill me, I swear-“

“No!” Lindsey cried, shaking his head. “I was supposed to get you away from
Spike. Start dating you and make you forget about him. But I made a
mistake.”

“What mistake?” Buffy asked skeptically.

“I got to know you. I couldn’t do that to someone like you-“

“Oh!” Buffy said sarcastically. “So you actually started seeing me as a
real person and decided to do the right thing? I feel so honored!”

“Something like that,” he muttered. “I also got to know Drusilla and
realized what a crazy bitch she really is…that’s where the pictures from the
school came from. She wanted me to take something that could ruin you. I
only gave her one set of pictures. Buffy, she’s planning on using them
no matter what. Whether she gets what she wants or not, they’re
going to get out.”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she looked at the man in front of her. “I need a
ride to the mansion,” she said, shoving the negatives in her pocket. “I
figure that’s the least you could do, considering what you’ve done.”

“You’re right. Let’s go.”

* * * * *

As Lindsey pulled up in front of the Atherton mansion, he barely had a
chance to stop the car before Buffy jumped out. He hurried after her as she
banged on the door, pushing past the butler as he opened it.

“Where is she?” Buffy asked.

“Who are you?”

“I’m the woman that’s getting screwed over by your boss, now where is she?”
Buffy asked more forcefully.

Wesley didn’t have a chance to answer as they heard a noise on the stairs.
Buffy gasped when she saw Spike, running up to meet him and throwing herself
into his arms as Wesley left the room, giving them some privacy.

“Buffy, what are you doing here?”

Buffy pulled back to look at him, her eyes widening when she saw blood
dripping down his face. “Oh my God! What did she do to you?”

Spike turned his head away as Buffy grabbed his chin, looking at the long
scratches that marred one side of his face.

“Spike! Answer me.”

“She wasn’t too happy that I kept my promise to you, luv.”

Buffy felt tears begin to shimmer in her eyes at the admission.

“Let’s get out of here,” Buffy said.

“I didn’t get the negatives,” Spike said wearily as they walked down the
remaining stairs.

“I did,” Buffy replied.

“What?” Spike asked in confusion.

“I knew the photographer.”

Spike was about to respond when he followed Buffy’s gaze to the door, his
cold gaze settling on the man he’d seen with Buffy. The man who had taken
her out on a date. Before Buffy could even comprehend what was happening,
Spike had crossed the foyer and thrown a punch at Lindsey, knocking him to
the floor.

“Spike! Now’s not the time!”

Spike didn’t listen, pulling Lindsey up by his collar to hit him again.
Buffy ran over, not feeling the need to defend Lindsey, but she knew Spike
would beat him to within an inch of his life if she didn’t do something.

Buffy caught Spike’s arm on a downfall, nearly getting knocked off her feet
with the momentum of it but still holding tight. Spike stopped when he
felt her small hand around his arm, turning to look at her with fury in his
eyes that Buffy knew was saved for Lindsey.

“Buffy, if you tell me he doesn’t deserve it-“

“No, he deserves it,” Buffy said, staring into his eyes. “But this isn’t
going to help anything right now.”

“The hell it’s not,” Spike replied, turning his gaze back to Lindsey. “It’s
making me feel much better.”

Buffy gently tugged on Spike’s arm, moderately relieved when Spike backed
away. Lindsey climbed, painfully, to his feet, gripping the doorframe for
balance.

“My Spike always did have a temper.”

It was Buffy’s turn to want to attack someone as she watched Drusilla walk
down the stairs.

“He’s not yours,” Buffy said with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s right,” Drusilla said with a creepy smile. “He’s yours now, isn’t
he, Sunshine?”

“No,” Buffy said calmly, seeing Spike look at her out of the corner of her
eye. “He doesn’t belong to anyone, but if he did, you then would be last on
the list.”

Spike smirked at Buffy, wrapping his arm around her waist as he turned for
the door.

“I’m surprised he would pick someone like you, considering the breeding you
come from.”

Buffy slowly turned to face the woman she used to view as competition. Now
she viewed her as a nuisance. “Breeding?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Considering your trashy mother, it’s no surprise that she raised a whore of
a daughter.”

Spike watched in shock as Buffy took several slow steps toward his
soon-to-be ex-wife, throwing her tiny fist at Drusilla’s face and knocking
her off her feet.

Buffy took a step back as Drusilla screamed in over-dramatized agony. “Say
whatever you want to about me,” Buffy said in a low tone. “But you
disrespect my family, and you have to deal with the consequences. Besides…people who live
in glass whorehouses shouldn’t throw stones.” She smiled when Dru looked up
at her with a glare. “You think everyone in town doesn’t know that you
sleep around with anyone who will have you? You’ve done more to Spike than
he has EVER done to you.” Buffy turned, taking Spike’s hand in hers. “Let’s
go,” she murmured.

“You think he loves you?” Dru asked as they walked through the door. “You
think he’ll stay with you when the cheap thrill is over? No…he’ll come back
to me, just like he always has.”

Buffy was about to turn around when Spike gripped her hand firmly in his
own. “No,” he said, looking at Drusilla. “You were the cheap thrill-
Buffy’s the one I’m meant to be with.” Spike turned to Buffy, raising her
hand to his lips and leaving a gentle kiss on it. “Let’s get out of here.
I never want to see this place again.”

“Me neither,” Buffy agreed, following him outside.

Lindsey looked at the couple walking toward the driveway before turning
back to his former employer. As quickly as he could, he walked through the
house to the office, opening the top drawer of the desk and extracting the
envelope he’d seen her put there when he gave them to her.

“What are you doing?” Drusilla asked from the doorway, looking panicked as
Lindsey pushed past her, gripping the envelope.

“The right thing,” he replied. “I’m not going to let you ruin someone’s
life just because you’re bitter.”

“It’s a little bit late to be growing a conscience, isn’t it?”

"Better late than never,” Lindsey said, walking out the door as Drusilla
screamed. He could see Spike starting the car and waved at them to stop.
Buffy leaned over to say something to Spike as Lindsey approached. She
opened the door, stepping out and crossing her arms over her chest as he
offered her the envelope.

“What’s this?”

“I think they rightfully belong to you.”

Buffy looked at the pictures before tossing them in the car. “I trusted
you, Lindsey…you were my friend.”

“I know…and that’s why I’m trying to make it better.”

Buffy sighed, looking at Spike who was keeping a careful eye on the two of
them, before raising her eyes to Lindsey again. “I’m not ready to forgive
you.”

“I’m not asking you to. I just wanted to do something right for a change.”

“Thank you.”

Lindsey nodded as Buffy got back in the car.

“Everything okay, pet?”

“Everything’s fine,” Buffy replied with a small smile. “I’m just ready to
get out of here.”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed. “Let’s go home.”

Buffy smiled, realizing that he considered ‘home’ to be with her.

Chapter 17 – And the Winner is…


“You’re on your way home?” Buffy asked into the cell phone as she
straightened her desk, ready to go home after a long day.

“Yeah,” Spike replied. “Hopefully I won’t have to come back here for
another week. I guess we’ll have to see. I’m sorry I’m running late.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy said with a shrug he couldn’t see. “Besides, I’m still
at the school. I decided to work late and take advantage of you not being
here. It’s your job, it’s important.”

“Not as important as you,” he said softly, wishing he could be there to hold
her.

“Is that a line?” Buffy asked with a smile.

“It could be,” he said with a chuckle. “But in this case, it’s the truth.”
Spike got quiet as he stared at the endless road ahead of him, the lights of
Los Angeles shining behind him. “I love you, baby.”

Buffy smiled at the whispered words, knowing she would never get tired of
hearing them. “I love you, too,” she said softly, turning off the lights to
her classroom as she walked toward the exit. “You be careful. I don’t want
my boyfriend to get in an accident.”

“What about your husband?”

Buffy stopped in her tracks as the exit door slammed behind her. “What are
you saying?”

“I want to be with you, Buffy,” he said quietly. “We’ve been through more
than most couples…I think we’re ready.”

“Spike-“

“Although, I’m not ready to make it official, yet.”

Buffy began slowly walking to her car. “So…was that just a joke? Make a
halfhearted attempt at a proposal and then take it away?”

“No,” Spike said with a smile. “It means, when I make it official, you’re
going to have everything you deserve. The ring, champagne, candlelight, and
most importantly…me.”

Buffy laughed with him. “I’ll tell you what, you bring yourself home, and
the rest can be up for debate.”

“Okay, luv,” he said softly. “I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Be careful.”

Buffy disconnected the call with a smile still on her face.

“You think you’ve won, don’t you?”

Buffy felt her heart drop into her stomach at the sound of that chilling
voice. Not wanting to show any weaknesses, she dropped her bag onto the
hood of her car, turning to face Drusilla.

“I know I’ve won,” Buffy replied, crossing her arms over her chest. She
could barely see the other woman in the shadows, and Buffy was suddenly
wishing she hadn’t decided to work late that night. “What do you want?”

“My husband.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s the wrong answer,” Buffy said in a falsely bright
tone. “You’ll get the lovely parting gift of divorce papers…oh, wait!” she
continued, in faux innocence. “You already got those this morning, didn’t
you?”

“He will always come back to me,” Drusilla replied, stepping out of the
shadows.

Buffy’s eyes widened at the sight of the moonlight glinting off the
butcher’s knife in her hands. She tried to discreetly step back, wanting to
put as much distance between herself and Dru as possible.

Buffy jumped in shock as the other woman lunged for her, swinging the knife
in her direction. Buffy was barely able to sidestep her, pressing herself
against the car.

“You know,” she said, feeling a lot more confident than she had any right to
be. “I always thought you were a psycho…thanks for confirming it.”

Drusilla shrieked, thrusting the blade at Buffy and slicing down the length
of her arm. Buffy could hear the fabric being shredded under the sharp
blade, but her only thought was to get to safety. Managing to break away,
Buffy made it ten feet before Dru’s voice filled her ears.

“I always knew you were a coward. You could never face up to anything.”

It could have potentially been the stupidest thing Buffy had ever done, but
she was tired of always backing down. Of always being the one to give in.
Turning around, Buffy backtracked her steps, ignoring the knife in the
woman’s hand as Dru watched her approach with a shocked expression.

With one swift movement, Buffy’s leg kicked out, dislodging the knife from
her grip and sending it clattering to the ground as Buffy swung back with
her arm and connected a solid punch to the Drusilla’s jaw.

“Something you should learn,” Buffy said with hard eyes as she stared at
her. “I don’t like playing the role of victim,” she continued, kicking
Dru’s legs out from under her. “And it’s really getting on my nerves that
people think they can control me.”

Walking over, Buffy picked up the knife, having no intention to use it
unless absolutely necessary. She walked to her car while keeping a close eye
on the woman staring back at her.

“Don’t move,” Buffy said in a menacing voice as she reached for her bag,
pulling out her cell phone.

Buffy gasped when she felt herself falling. She never knew how Dru moved so
fast, but she wasn’t really caring as her head cracked on the pavement.
Rolling over and jumping to her feet, Buffy jumped when she felt a hand on
her arm. Spinning around, she let loose with another kick, surprised when
she heard Lindsey’s voice as he yelled in pain.

“What’s going on?” he asked as he held his shin.

Buffy turned her gaze back to Drusilla, who was staring at her with loathing.
“Just an ex-wife, looking for payback.”

Lindsey looked between the two women before taking Buffy’s phone and dialing
the police. He hung up a moment later, watching as the women glared at each
other.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Lindsey asked Buffy.

Buffy never tore her gaze away from Drusilla as she nodded. “I’ll be much
better when the police take her away.”

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy sat on the back of an ambulance, a blanket wrapped
around her shoulders with an icepack to her head. The cut on her arm was no
more than a scratch- her light jacket had taken the brunt of the blade, and
Buffy was relieved that she wouldn’t need stitches because she really didn’t
want to make a trip to the hospital.

“Buffy!”

Buffy looked up, taking the icepack away from her head as she saw Spike
running toward her, a panicked look on his face.

“Buffy! Are you okay?” he asked, cupping her face in his hands as his eyes
scanned her body looking for any type of injury.

“I’m fine,” she said with a small smile, breathing a sigh of relief as Spike
pressed his lips to hers. “How did you know I was here?”

Spike gestured around the parking lot at the police officers that were
milling around. “I tried to call your cell phone and an officer answered.
He told me what happened. I got here as quick as I could, baby.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, her voice exhausted after the long night. “Thank
you for being here.”

“Are you kidding? No one would be able to keep me away.” Spike kissed her
again before pressing his forehead to hers. “Luv, if I ever thought Dru
would do something like this, I-“

“Don’t,” Buffy whispered, shaking her head. “You couldn’t have known it
would be something this extreme. The important thing is that we’re okay and
she’s gone.”

“I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“She’s a fighter.”

Spike turned and faced Lindsey with a glare. “What the hell are you doing
here?” he growled.

“Lindsey helped me, Spike,” Buffy said quietly, holding onto his arm so he
wouldn’t try to approach the other man.

“Is that right?” Spike asked in a low, threatening voice. “And just what
are you doing here this late, McDonald?”

“Working late…same as your girl here.”

Spike narrowed his eyes when he felt Buffy’s hold on him tighten.

“Don’t,” Buffy whispered, shifting Spike’s attention back to her. “It’s not
worth it.”

Spike sighed, nodding as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Miss Summers,” an officer said, approaching the couple. “We have your
statement, and you’re free to go, unless you think you need further medical
attention.”

“No, I’m ready to go,” Buffy said, standing up with Spike’s assistance. She
paused in front of Lindsey as Spike was leading her to his car. “Thank
you,” she said softly.

“You’re welcome, Buffy.”

Buffy sighed, leaning her tired body against Spike. “Let’s go home.”

Spike gave the top of her head a gentle kiss before scooping her up in his
arms.

“Spike, I can walk.”

“I know,” Spike replied, not putting her down.

Buffy snuggled into his chest, breathing a sigh of relief as he carried her
to the car.


A/N Only the epilogue to go, so please stick around for it. I decided it should be a little more uplifting and make up for the majority of the angst. Also, I’d like to ask everyone to check out my new WIP ‘Guilty Pleasures.’

Epilogue


Seven Years Later


“Mommy’s home!” Spike yelled as he put down his two daughters, both of them
taking off to wrap their arms around their mother as she walked through the
door.

Buffy laughed, awkwardly bending down to give hugs and kisses to her little
blue eyed girls while they chattered about their day.

After a few minutes, Spike smiled and separated his girls from their mother.
“You two go play,” he said, shooing them toward their rooms.

Buffy smiled, greeting her husband with a kiss as he wrapped his arms around
her. “How are you, baby?” he asked softly.

“Tired,” Buffy replied. She was still working at the school, and the long
days were slowly wiping her out.

“Yeah,” Spike said sympathetically as he brushed his lips against her
forehead before kneeling down to nuzzle the swollen expanse of her belly.
“And how’s my third little princess?”

Buffy giggled, running her hands through his soft hair as he ran his hands
over her taut stomach. She was eight months pregnant with their third
daughter and feeling like she was going to pop any day. “She’s fine,” Buffy
said, her hands never stopping their movement. “She’s been kicking up a
storm all day.”

“Active little thing, aren’t you?” Spike asked her tummy with a chuckle.

He slowly stood up, reluctant to leave the soothing motion of her hands but
knowing she was ready to sit down after a rough day.

“You lay down on the couch,” he said, helping her over to it. “I’ll go
check on the girls and then make you some tea.”

Buffy nodded gratefully as she snuggled into the cushions. The past seven
years were a blur to both Buffy and Spike. After Drusilla had been
indefinitely committed to a mental institution, and was still there to this
day, Spike had felt guilty for pushing her over the edge, sinking into a
mild depression and desperately holding onto Buffy for support.

Buffy finally went with him to see a therapist and with some work, convinced
Spike that Drusilla’s mental problems had been there long before she’d even
met Spike. In fact, she was probably more damage to him than he was to
her.

Several months later, when they had settled into a healthy, comfortable
relationship, Spike made good on his promise to propose, giving her the
candlelight, champagne, and himself. He’d announced that he’d sold
everything that reminded him of Drusilla- the house, the cars, even the
apartment that Buffy had lived in, claiming that it reminded him of times
when he thought he could never have her.

The couple had been married a year later in a big wedding (at Spike’s
request, wanting to give his bride everything). A few months after, Buffy
had announced that she was pregnant, sending Spike into a tailspin of
decorating the nursery, pampering his wife, and rearranging his life and
career so he could be a stay-at-home dad. He had employed his old butler
Wesley as manager of his business, and Buffy had been shocked when he’d
announced he was going to run his PR business from their house, but she had
eagerly agreed, not wanting to give up her job so soon.

Five years, and nearly three little girls, later- the couple was as happy as
they’d ever been. Spike had eventually given up his resentment of Lindsey,
since he still worked at the school, but he still wasn’t on the best of
terms with him and knew he never would be.

“Are we still going out with Red and Tara?” Spike called from the kitchen.

“Change of plans,” Buffy called back. “I feel so swollen I can barely move,
so they’re going to bring over pizza and movies after we get the girls to
sleep.”

“Great,” Spike said grudgingly, walking into the living room with a steaming
mug of tea. “So, I guess I’m going to be subjected to a realm of chick
flicks, am I right?”

Buffy laughed as Spike handed her the mug, sitting down next to her. “I
wouldn’t be surprised…but you’ll stick around for me, right?” she asked with
a pout.

Spike smiled, kissing her pouty lip before breaking away and trailing kisses
along her jaw and down her neck. “You know I will,” he said in a husky
whisper.

Buffy set the mug down, turning to give him a better angle to her neck and
sighing at the feel of his soft lips against her skin. “I can’t wait till
this baby gets here,” he murmured against her throat.

“Me neither,” Buffy replied, running her hands through his hair.

“That way we can get started on a fourth.”

Buffy pulled away, her eyes wide as she looked at him. “What!?!”

Spike tried to suppress his laughter, biting his bottom lip and trying to
convey an innocent look. “Well, I’m going to want a boy eventually, luv.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow at her husband. “Then you can carry the next one
for nine months.”

Spike finally laughed, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “It’s a deal. And
we will definitely have fun trying.”

Buffy giggled as they fell back on the couch laughing and kissing,
exchanging soft touches and whispers as they looked at each other, showing
all of their feelings with a simple look.

Spike’s expression turned serious as he looked at Buffy, brushing the hair
out of her eyes.

“Something wrong?” Buffy asked.

Spike shook his head, a smile playing on his lips as their two girls came
running down the stairs, throwing themselves on the couch with their
parents. Spike and Buffy laughed as their daughters began talking against
each other. Spike raised his eyes back to his wife’s, getting lost in her
emerald depths as the sounds of their girls faded into the background.

“I’ve waited for this for so long,” he said, running his hand over her
stomach.

“The baby?” Buffy asked, tilting her head to his.

“The family,” Spike replied. “A family with you.”

Buffy gave him a warm smile before they began laughing again as the girls
wedged their way in between them. Buffy leaned forward, capturing Spike’s
lips in a tender kiss as a chorus of ‘eews’ filled the air. Breaking away
from each other, Spike smiled. “Even if they do know how to spoil the
moment.”

Pressing his lips to hers for another kiss, Spike and Buffy suppressed their
laughter as more shrieks surrounded them.




THE END