A/N This story deals with a controversial relationship between a student and teacher. If that bothers you, this isn’t the story for you. I’m also giving you two chapters to get started, I hope you like it!



Chapter l


It didn’t start with lust. Contrary to what most people would expect, the
passion didn’t come until later, although the attraction was always there.
The longing, the excitement, the fixation- they were all side effects of
what was really happening. Of what was boiling below the surface. Nobody
would have expected it. Nobody would have thought that it started with
something so effortless, so undemanding. That something so involved and
full of such an array of emotions could have started with a simple brush of
their hands.

* * * * *

“Buffy!” Willow called to her best friend.

Buffy turned and waved at her friend, making her way to where she was
leaning against a huge oak tree. “Hey, Wills,” she said with a bright
smile, seconds before she was lifted into the air and spun around.

“Xander!” Buffy squealed, knowing it was her friend without even looking.

“That’s enough!”

Xander immediately dropped Buffy to the ground, reaching out to steady her
as she wobbled dizzily on her feet before they all turned to face the
annoying voice.

“Sorry, Principal Snyder,” they all mumbled. Even Willow, who wasn’t guilty
of anything.

“First day of school, and you hooligans are already out in full force,”
Snyder said, glaring at each of them in turn.

Buffy quickly tuned out the irritating so-called authority figure as her
eyes focused on the man standing next to him. She felt a blush creep into
her cheeks when she realized his eyes were already fixed on her as well.

“Keep an eye on them, Mr. Bradley,” Snyder continued, turning to face the
man. “They’ll be sure to give you some trouble.”

Spike was barely listening to the man as he nodded his agreement, slowly
following after Snyder as he reluctantly broke eye contact with the
beautiful girl.

“Wow,” Buffy mumbled under her breath, giving Willow a sheepish smile when
she overheard. “Um…we should probably get going.”

* * * * *

Buffy and Willow were giggling about something as they walked into their
history class. It was the last class of the day, and Buffy had been trying
as hard as she could to get the image of the bleached man out of her head.

This task would have been much easier if he wasn’t standing behind the desk
in the classroom. Buffy came to a quick stop, causing Willow to run into
her with an, “Oomph!”

Buffy seemed to go into a trance as the man raised his sapphire eyes to
hers. The energy in the room seemed to crackle as they stared at each
other. Buffy reluctantly broke the eye contact, feeling a blush creep into
her cheeks as Willow walked around her and led them to two desks, close to
the front.

Spike watched the blonde, feeling slightly short of breath as she sat down,
her already short skirt riding up her tanned thighs. He tore his eyes
away, silently kicking himself for ogling a student, as the bell rang,
signaling the beginning of class.

“Hello, all,” Spike greeted. He noticed the blonde’s eyes shoot up to his as
he spoke. “My name’s William Bradley, and although I have no problems with
you calling me by my first name, the school does.”

‘Oh God, oh God, oh God,’ Buffy thought, her eyes still trained on the man
who was way too hot to be a teacher. ‘He’s got an accent!’

The rest of the class seemed to pass in a blur as Buffy tried to focus on
keeping her breathing regulated and the blush out of her cheeks every time
he looked at her- which seemed to be a lot.

‘Don’t be silly, Buffy,’ she scolded herself. ‘You’re sitting in the front
of the class- of course he’s going to look your way since you’re closest to
him.’

The bell rang, signaling the end of the class, and Buffy slowly began to
gather her things together.

“Buffy, I’ve got to run,” Willow said, hoisting her bag onto her shoulder.
“I promised Percy I’d tutor him, and I’m supposed to meet him in the library
right now.”

“Okay, Wills, call me later,” Buffy replied with a smile as her friend left
the room with the rest of the class.

Buffy quickly gathered her books before turning and running into her
teacher, dropping everything in her arms. Her hand immediately flew to her
mouth in shock. “Oh my God, Mr. Bradley, I’m SO sorry,” she cried in
embarrassment. “I-I have this problem with coordination,” she finished,
blushing when she saw the smile on his face.

“It’s alright, pet,” Spike replied, entranced by this endearing girl.

‘He just called me ‘pet’,’ she thought excitedly before reaching down to
pick up her scattered books. Unfortunately, she didn’t see that Spike was
about to do the same thing as their heads bumped together. Both groaned,
each holding their foreheads before straightening, empty handed.

“I told you,” Buffy said with a mortified smile. “I’m like a walking jinx.”

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head with a smile. “It was my fault.”

Buffy gave another nervous smile before retrieving her books and shoving
them in her bag.

“I’m sorry, I’m not exactly the most efficient teacher on the first day. I
didn’t get your name.”

“Buffy,” she replied, getting lost in his eyes again. “Buffy Summers.”

Spike stared into her eyes for a long minute before giving her a soft smile.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Buffy Summers.”

“You, too, Mr. Bradley,” she said, not wanting to leave but knowing she had
to. “Well, I better…”

Buffy trailed off as she gestured to the door.

“Oh…yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to keep you from your friends,”
Spike replied with a nod, feeling a stab of disappointment that she was
leaving his presence.

“No, don’t worry, you didn’t keep me from them.”

“Boyfriend?”

Spike knew he was getting much too personal, but Buffy didn’t seem to mind.
He held his breath as he waited for her answer, and he really didn’t want to
analyze why he was doing that.

“No…no boyfriend,” she said, shaking her head.

Buffy saw the smile that he quickly tried to hide at hearing this and felt
an answering smile spread on her lips.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, Miss Summers.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly as she left the room, trying to control the
butterflies that seemed to be raging in her stomach.

Spike sat down at his desk, dropping his head into his hands. “She’s your
student,” he whispered to himself. “She’s off limits.”

Chapter 2


“It was nothing, Wills,” Buffy said into the phone, a bright smile plastered
on her face. “He just helped me pick up my books, that's all,” she insisted.

“Really?” Willow asked skeptically as she fed her fish. “So that’s why
you’re taking extra time picking out what to wear tomorrow?”

Buffy froze, holding a skirt in midair before dropping it onto the growing
pile on her bed. “That’s beside the point,” she said dismissively.

“Oh, come on, Buffy,” Willow replied. “The guy was a major hottie- it’s
okay to ogle.”

“No, no, there was no ogling,” Buffy said in a voice that betrayed her true
feelings about the situation.

“So if he wasn’t a teacher and you weren’t his student, you wouldn’t be a
tiny bit interested?” Willow asked with a smile, already knowing the answer.

“Okay, you know I would, but I’m strictly in a ‘no touching’ situation. Not
like he would want me to touch him, but-“

“Buffy,” Willow interrupted. “Don’t believe everything that Riley told you,
alright?”

Buffy smiled gratefully, even though her friend couldn’t see it. “I’ll
try…I better get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning, Wills.”

“Good night, Buffy.”

Buffy hung up the phone with a heavy sigh. Yes, she was in a ‘no touching’
zone with William Bradley, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t fantasize about
him.

Buffy jumped when a knock sounded on the door, looking almost guilty when
she opened it for her mom.

“Hi, Honey,” Joyce greeted her happily. “Sorry, I had to work late.”

“That’s okay,” Buffy replied with a smile.

“Have you seen your father?”

“I don’t think he’s home, yet,” Buffy said, her smile fading at the worried look on her mother’s face.

“How was your first day?”

“It was good,” Buffy emphasized with a nod as she began putting her clothes
away, trying to ignore the unsettling feeling in her stomach.

“Uh oh,” Joyce said with a smile. “There’s already a wardrobe crisis, and
it’s only been one day. New boyfriend on the horizon?”

“I don’t know if boyfriend is the right word,” Buffy replied, feeling her
face heat up.

“But there’s a guy that you want to notice you.”

“Something like that.”

“As long as this new boy doesn’t interfere with your schoolwork. You know
your English and history grades were waning last year.”

Buffy froze, biting her lips before glancing worriedly at her mother. Did
she know something? No, of course not. There was nothing for her to know,
and besides, her grades did suffer last year after her personal life took a
turn for the worst.

“I’ll do better this year, I promise.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it, but maybe you can ask Willow for some extra
help.”

“I’ll think about it.”

* * * * *

Spike was looking forward to his last class a little too much. He had only
seen Buffy once, laughing with her friends on the other side of the
cafeteria, and he felt an unmistakable pull toward her. He had resisted it,
of course, but it was still disturbing nonetheless.

Now, as Buffy walked into his classroom, wearing a simple yellow sundress
that made her golden tan stand out even more, Spike was struck by how
innocent she appeared to be. She looked so…so…

“Young, you git,” he muttered to himself, straightening a pile of already
organized papers, doing anything to avert his eyes from the blonde girl who
was rapidly becoming the object of Spike’s thoughts.

Class seemed to pass by in a blur of stolen moments. Both were trying to
avert their eyes as much as possible, but more often than not, couldn’t
avoid the inevitable. Spike wandered up and down the aisles as he lectured,
unable to resist the urge to brush his hand ‘accidentally’ against Buffy’s
bare shoulder, noticing the shiver that ran up and down her spine that she
tried to suppress.

He was fascinated with the way she seemed to worry her bottom lip when she
took notes. Spike moved to the front of the room, glancing at her as he
spoke and locking their eyes again.

Buffy felt short of breath throughout the entire class. When his hand
lightly brushed against her shoulder, she was sure it was an accident, but
it still sent her heart racing. She could just imagine his hands on other
parts of her body…

Buffy nearly smacked herself in the head as the bell rang. It was only the
second day of class, and she was having lusty wrong feelings about her
history teacher.

Buffy gathered her things together, trying to keep up with Willow as they
left the room. “Hey, Wills, can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure, Buff.”

“Well, Mom’s on this worrying kick already,” she said as they stopped
outside the library door. “She wants me to get some extra help in English
and history, and I was kind of wondering-“

“Buffy, I’d love to help, but I just can’t right now,” Willow interrupted,
the remorse evident in her voice at not being able to help her best friend.

“Hey,” Buffy said with a bright smile. “No big. I mean, you’re already
helping Percy. I should have known.”

“Buffy-“

“No, Wills, it’s really okay. You should probably get in there,” she said,
gesturing toward the library door.

“Yeah,” Willow agreed. “I really do wish I could.”

Buffy nodded, keeping her smile in place as Willow walked into the library.
The hallway was almost empty as Buffy turned around, leaning against a
locker, letting her eyes close as her smile faded.

“Something wrong, luv?”

Buffy opened her eyes, her mouth dropping open slightly when she saw Mr.
Bradley standing in front of her. Buffy quickly straightened, smoothing the
fabric of her dress as she shook her head. “I’m fine.”

Spike tilted his head slightly, studying her as she nervously shifted from
one foot to the other. “I’m not buying it,” he replied.

“It’s stupid,” Buffy said, shaking her head with a small smile. “I just
asked my friend if she could tutor me, but she’s too busy. Not exactly
‘world in peril’ kind of stuff. Well, not until my mom finds out I’ll be
repeating my senior year,” she finished, trying to lighten her own mood.

“What subject?” Spike asked.

Buffy blushed, almost ashamed to admit that it was his class. “English
and…history.”

Spike tilted his head, looking at her. “You’re doing fine in my class, Miss
Summers. I realize it’s only the second day, but you’ve been attentive and
taking notes.”

“Yeah, but when test time comes around, it’s another story. It’s like a
freeze up and forget everything I’ve learned.”

Spike took a deep breath, already kicking himself for what he was about to
say. “What if I tutor you?”

Buffy’s eyes widened a fraction as she stared at him in disbelief. “You’re
serious?” she asked softly.

“Completely,” Spike replied. “I’m free nearly everyday after school, if you
want to stop by for an hour or two.”

Buffy moistened her suddenly very dry mouth, noticing Spike’s eyes dart to
her tongue as it swept across her lips.

Spike had to suppress a groan when her tongue peeked out of her lips,
feeling a slight movement in his groin.

“That would be great,” Buffy replied, almost nervously.

“Okay,” Spike said with a nod as he began to back away. “We can start
tomorrow if you like.”

“Thanks, Mr. Bradley.”

Buffy saw him smile before turning and disappearing down the hall.

Spike made it to his classroom, shutting the door and leaning his head
against it. Closing his eyes, he tried to will away his growing erection.
He hadn’t had a reaction to something so harmless since he was in high
school. How was he ever going to make it through an entire hour with her?





A/N This story is slowly turning into ‘my baby.’ I don’t know if anything will ever take the place of ‘It Matters to Me,” but this one is getting close. It will be the longest story I’ve ever written, so please stick with me through the smut (and there’s a lot), drama, angst, and romance. And as always- please review :-)

Chapter 3



Buffy was so anxious the next day. She was tempted to skip her tutoring
session with Mr. Bradley and go home, but there was no good news waiting for
her at home. Her father had informed Buffy the night before that he would
be leaving her mother. Buffy hadn’t been shocked by the announcement, but
she did feel almost abandoned when she saw him carry a suitcase out to his
car and pull out of the driveway without turning back. She went through the
standard feelings. The first on the list was feeling responsible for his
departure. If she had been a better daughter, would he have stayed? She
had so many combined feelings regarding him and her mother that she didn’t
know how to deal with the swirling emotions that were coursing through her.

On top of everything, the added stress of having to spend the afternoon with
a man whom she was attracted to but could never have was enough to almost
drive her over the edge. She just knew it was stupid for her to have any
type of feeling regarding her history teacher, but she couldn’t stop the
nervous sensations she got whenever he was in close proximity.

Since school started earlier in the week, Buffy had assumed she would look
forward to Mr. Bradley’s class, but today, she wasn’t so sure. She couldn’t
skip the class or they would call her mother, and that would equal the
lecture of the century and assumptions that Buffy was becoming depressed as
a result of the inevitable divorce or whatever her book of the month told
her about raising a teenaged daughter.

On the other hand, if she wanted to give a legitimate reason for missing the
tutoring session, she couldn’t very well do that after staring at him for an
entire hour. No one in their right mind would pass up the opportunity for
some one-on-one time with the sexy Brit.

With a deep breath, Buffy decided to bite the bullet and go to class.
Anything was better than going home and getting a pep talk from her mom.
Mr. Bradley had been very generous in offering her help, and she would be
petty not to take it.

Buffy zoned out through most of her history class, never noticing Spike
glancing at her, almost worriedly, as she stared at her hands. When the
final bell rang, Buffy said good-bye to Willow as her red haired friend left
the room. Buffy stayed in her seat as the rest of the class filed out,
never hearing when the door clicked shut.

Spike looked up and saw her biting her bottom lip in the most distracting
way. His mind went to a place that it shouldn’t go but had been going
there repeatedly since Monday morning.

‘Bloody hell,’ Spike thought. ‘You’re twenty seven years old, you pillock! Don’t lust after a teenager.’

Anytime he got in the vicinity of the little blonde, all he wanted to do was take her in his arms. Of course,
today, he wanted to find out what was keeping that worried look on her face.

“You okay, luv?” Spike asked softly, sitting in the desk to her right, not
wanting to be intimidating to her by standing.

Buffy’s eyes snapped up to his as she swallowed hard, almost trying to
swallow away her nervousness. “I’m fine,” she answered too quickly.

“I’m not buying it,” Spike said softly as she looked up at him, their eyes
locking as blue and hazel seemed to clash.

Buffy bit her lip again, turning away as she pulled her history book out of
her bag for the first time that day. “Sorry, I’ve been a space cadet today,”
Buffy said, turning back to him as she put her book on the desk.

“Anything you need to talk about?” he asked in a gentle, soothing tone that
made her want to throw herself in his arms and let him take all of her
worries away…not that she didn’t want that to begin with, but this time it
was for a different reason.

“No,” Buffy said quietly, shaking her head. “Thank you, though.”

Spike gave her another concerned look before picking up her book and
walking to the corner of the room where his desk was located. Buffy stayed
where she was until Spike beckoned her toward him.

“We can sit here, luv,” he said, gesturing to his desk. “Easier to study if
you have more space.”

Buffy nodded as she walked toward him, smiling when he offered her his
comfortable swivel chair as he dragged a plastic one toward the desk for
himself.

Both slowly relaxed as the hour flew by, becoming more comfortable in the
presence of the other. Spike was still worried by how withdrawn she seemed
to be.

“Do you need a ride home, luv?” he asked as he began to straighten his desk.

“No, I’ll walk…thanks.”

Spike watched as she slowly packed up her backpack, making a move to stand but was stopped when she felt the pressure of the chair turn back to face Spike as he turned her around. He looked at her for a moment, almost trying to see a secret that might be told just by watching her.

“Buffy…if you need to talk…”

Spike let the comment hang in the air as she stared at him.

Buffy hesitated for a minute before responding. “My father moved out last
night,” she said softly.

Spike’s already sympathetic expression turned even softer as he listened.
“I’m sorry, luv,” he whispered, looking her in the eyes. “Did he give you
any warning?”

Buffy shrugged, swallowing the lump in her throat as she looked at the floor,
blinking back tears. “They fought a lot…he and my mom,” she said softly.
“I guess it’s better this way, I just wonder…”

“Wonder…what?”

“If it was because of me,” she whispered, feeling a few tears stream down
her cheeks as she frantically wiped them away.

“Buffy, don’t think that,” Spike said in a soothing voice. “Adults have
fights in their relationships…sometimes things get worked out, sometimes
they don’t, but it’s not your fault. Do you believe me?”

Buffy shrugged, sniffling slightly as her tears began to subside. “I could
have been better last year. Maybe if I had been, things would be
different.”

“What happened last year?” he asked in a gentle tone.

“I put a lot of stress on them. Staying out late, never telling them where
I was at night, letting my grades fall…consequently leading to tutoring. I
just…if I had just done what they asked…maybe things would have worked out.”

Spike leaned forward slightly, staring into her eyes as he spoke. “You’re
not to blame, Buffy,” he whispered, letting his hand brush across hers
almost accidentally as he offered comfort.

Both felt the charge that ran through them as their eyes never broke
contact. Before either of them could think of what was happening, they met
in a tender kiss. Their lips seemed to melt together, completing each other
in an almost perfect way.

Neither one knew who had initiated the kiss, and neither cared as Spike’s
hands came up to gently cup her face, letting his fingers wind through her
hair as they continued their soft caresses. His tongue ran across her
bottom lip, begging entrance as Buffy gasped, allowing their tongues to meet
and stroke together.

Buffy felt lightheaded as she clutched at his strong arms, feeling almost
dizzy as they slowly broke away. She stared at him for a moment before
realizing what she had just done. Her hand came up to cover her mouth. “Oh
my God,” she murmured, averting her eyes.

“Buffy-“

“No, I-I’m sorry, Mr. Bradley.”

Spike watched, feeling helpless as Buffy bolted from her seat, grabbing her
bag as she practically ran out the door.

Spike could still see stars dancing in front of his eyes from the emotions
that she had evoked.

Spike let his head fall into his hands, shaking it back and forth slowly.
“Bloody hell.”

Chapter 4


Buffy was terrified as she walked toward her history class the next day.
The kiss they had shared had been haunting her, and she didn’t know how she
was going to be able to sit in front of him for an hour.

‘What if he told somebody?’ Buffy wondered, feeling more tension flow
through her muscles. ‘Would I get in trouble? No, of course he wouldn’t
tell anyone- he would get into trouble,’ she thought with a sigh of relief
before a new thought occurred. ‘What if he hates me now?’

These thoughts and more were fluttering through Buffy’s mind as she entered
Mr. Bradley’s class. Their eyes met briefly before Buffy turned away,
feeling ashamed. She slowly walked to her seat, offering a tentative smile
to Willow as she sat down, still avoiding any eye contact.

‘How could you kiss your teacher, Buffy?’ she asked herself, fighting the
urge to bury her face in her hands as she stared at her desk.

Spike watched Buffy with a worried expression. He felt guilty about taking
advantage of her, but she seemed even more withdrawn than she was yesterday. He had to fight to tear his eyes away from her, wishing he could talk to her.

Buffy took notes as the seconds seemed to drag by. She never allowed
herself to raise her eyes from her notebook, but she could feel his
presence, wherever he happened to be. Buffy could feel his eyes on her as
he walked through the rows of desks as his students took notes, and she had
to fight the shivers that were wanting to race down her spine.

She was beginning to wonder if the hour was ever going to end when the bell
finally rang. Buffy hurriedly gathered her books, trying to slip by
unnoticed. Of course, it didn’t work.

“Miss Summers…could you stay for a moment?”

Buffy nervously bit her lip as Willow turned to wave good-bye to her. Buffy
watched with trepidation as the door of the classroom closed, leaving her
alone with him. Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she turned
around and locked her eyes with his as he took a few steps toward her.

“Miss Summers-“

“Mr. Bradley, I’m sorry,” Buffy blurted out, taking a step forward as he
tilted his head, looking at her in confusion. “What happened yesterday- I
never meant to do that, and I just wanted to say I was sorry, because I know
you would never want me in that way, and I-“

“Buffy,” he said softly, interrupting her tirade as he took another step
closer. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I-“

“It was my fault,” Spike continued. “I took advantage of a vulnerable
situation, and I hope you can forgive me…and as for wanting you in that way…”

Spike didn’t say any more as Buffy blushed, looking down. “It wasn’t your
fault,” Buffy replied, shaking her head.

Spike began to laugh as he shook his head. “I guess we can agree that we
were both in the wrong,” he said with a smile as he looked at her before
the smile slowly dropped. “Buffy, I need to ask you not to mention this to
anyone.”

“Of course,” Buffy said with a soft smile as she nodded. “I know you could
get into trouble, and I would never want that to happen.”

Spike gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you,” he said genuinely. “I hope
you’ll still let me help you after school.”

“I’d like that,” Buffy nodded.

“What about today?” Spike asked, waiting almost hopefully for her answer.

“Great,” Buffy replied with false enthusiasm. She wasn’t sure if she could
be in such close proximity to him without thinking of that kiss.

“So, it’s forgotten then?” he asked.

“It never happened,” Buffy replied.

Except it did…and they both knew it.

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy and Spike had settled into a comfortable work mode.
The kiss hadn’t been mentioned again, and both weren’t sure how they felt
about it.

“Did you hear from your dad?” Spike asked as Buffy began putting her books
away.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied. “He’s staying at a hotel a few miles away. He said
he’s looking for an apartment,” she trailed off quietly.

“I’m sorry, luv,” Spike said softly.

“It’s not your fault,” Buffy said with a shrug, trying to look as nonchalant
about the situation as possible.

“No,” Spike replied. “But you shouldn’t have to go through this. It’s your
senior year- you’re supposed to be out having a good time with your friends
and not worrying about your parents.”

“I had more than enough fun last year,” Buffy replied, realizing too late
that she was insinuating something that wasn’t necessarily true as Spike
looked at her questioningly. “I didn’t mean…”

Buffy trailed off with a sigh looking away as she and Spike both
stood from their seats.

Spike slowly leaned forward to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. The
intimacy of the moment surprised both of them as they looked into each
other’s eyes. Spike’s hand rested on her cheek longer than necessary as
they slowly began feeling the pull to the other.

Spike sighed, closing his eyes as he took a small step back. “Okay, so it’s
not entirely forgotten.”

Buffy was surprised that he had spoken so bluntly, her mouth dropping open
slightly as she watched him.

Spike opened his eyes, tightening his jaw as he looked at her before
reaching out and gently taking her hand in his. “I really shouldn’t be
doing this.”

Buffy barely had time to register what he had said as his arms wrapped
around her, pulling her close and crushing his mouth to hers. The previous
kiss had been warm and tender. This one was desperate. His body pressed
hers against the nearby wall as their tongues met, frantically craving
contact from the other.

Spike broke away from her lips, trailing kisses along her jaw and down her
neck. He could feel her heart rapidly pounding under his touch as his lips
met hers in a softer kiss.

Breaking away after a moment, Spike took a step back, his hands never
leaving her waist as he looked into her passion-filled eyes.

“I haven’t thought of anything but you since I met you,” he whispered as
they both caught their breath. “I can’t get you out of my mind, luv.”

Buffy’s heartbeat sped up as he, once again, closed the distance between
them, his body fitting against hers. “You should probably go,” he murmured
without moving out of the way to actually let her go.

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, her eyes traveling from his eyes to his lips and
back again. “I really should.”

Instead of moving to the door, Spike’s lips came down to Buffy’s again,
savoring everything, from the way she tasted to how her body felt against
his.

His hands slowly traveled the length of her body before playing with the
hem of her skirt. Buffy broke away, breathing deeply as she took both of
his hands in hers, bringing them back up to her waist, making the
implications clear as Spike nodded.

“Didn’t mean to get so carried away, luv,” he said softly, simply enjoying
her hands in his as he stared at her.

Buffy nodded. “I guess I should go.”

“I can take you home,” Spike said as she grabbed her bag off the floor.

Buffy turned around with a smile on her face. “Somehow, I don’t think that
would be the best idea, do you?”

Spike chuckled, biting his bottom lip in an endearing way as he raised his
eyes to hers. “I guess you’re right.”

Buffy watched him as his expression turned serious.

“Buffy-“

“You don’t have to say it,” Buffy said, waving her hand dismissively. “I
know this doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t?”

The question caused Buffy’s eyes to widen as she looked at him. “Does it?”
she asked quietly, not sure if she wanted an answer.

Spike took a step forward, loosely taking her hand in his as he raised it to
his lips, leaving a delicate kiss on it as he kept eye contact. “Yes.”

Chapter 5


Buffy felt herself propelled against the wall as Spike’s mouth attacked
hers. She gasped for air as his hands roamed over her body, causing her to
arch into him as he pushed against her. She gasped as his lips seemed to
dance down the column of her throat as her fingers grasped at his shoulders.

It had been almost a week since their last kiss, and both had been very
careful not to mention it…until today, anyway. Buffy had stayed after
school for her tutoring session for the first time since their last kiss
and endured an hour of being painfully civil to each other. Until she
started to leave, that is. Spike had been so resistant to let her leave, and
when his lips finally met hers in a passionate kiss, Buffy hadn’t hesitated
to surrender to him in any way she could.

Buffy felt her eyes flutter shut as his hands ran up her thighs and slipped
under her skirt, lightly teasing her skin. “What about…the door?” she
asked, barely able to form a coherent sentence while he was touching her.

“I don’t care,” he replied in a gruff voice.

“Mister-“

“Spike,” he growled against her throat, sending a thrill running through her
body as he lifted her into his arms before spinning around and sitting her
on his desk, scattering the books and papers to the floor. “The name’s
Spike.”

“Why Spike?” she asked breathlessly as he pushed her skirt over her hips
before pulling back to look at her.

“You’re about to find out, luv,” he replied with a smirk.

Buffy felt her skin flush under his gaze. His lips returned to hers as her
hands frantically worked on his belt, desperately needing to feel more of
him.

“Baby, I want you so much,” he groaned against her lips as her legs spread
more in reaction to his words.

“Then take me,” she said breathlessly, pulling his cock free from his
confining pants. Spike couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but he knew if
he turned her down, he would be a fool.

‘Damned if you do, damned if you don’t,’ his brain seemed to taunt him as he
looked into her hazel eyes.

Spike stared at her for a long moment, knowing that there was no going back
after this. Pushing all thoughts from his head, Spike’s hands went to her
hips, pulling her to the edge of the desk. His lips met hers with a
ferocious intensity seconds before he sunk into her.

Buffy nearly screamed as his invasion sent her into an instantaneous orgasm.
Her inner muscles tightened and fluttered around him, causing Spike to
still his movements as he buried his face in her neck. He definitely wasn’t
going to last long if she reacted to him like this.

“You’re so tight,” he murmured against her skin, slowly opening his eyes to
take in her flushed face and lust-filled gaze. “I’ve wanted you since I
first laid eyes on you,” he continued as he hesitantly pulled out of her hot
body before pushing back into her with an achingly gradual pace.

The long strokes were nearly driving her insane with bliss as she arched
her body to meet his thrusts.

Spike made a conscious effort not to pound into her, even though he wanted
nothing more- he didn’t want his overzealous needs to hurt her. The thrill
of getting caught was racing through both of them as they moved as one, each
feeling complete for the first time.

Spike pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, shocked at the emotions
that seemed to be displayed in them. He knew exactly what she was feeling
because everything was mirrored back to her in his own gaze. His movements
began to speed up, their eyes never breaking contact as she gasped for air
every time their hips met, grinding together in the most sensual way.

Slowly, Buffy’s eyes fluttered shut as he pushed into her with more
ferocity. “Don’t stop,” she said breathlessly, her back arching as his
hands tightened on her hips at her whispered request. “Please, don’t stop,”
she moaned as she clung to him.

Spike nearly fell over the edge just hearing her voice, thick with desire,
begging him. He renewed his efforts, rapidly pumping into her wet passage
as her body began shaking with need.

“Buffy… pet…I’m not going to last much longer,” he whispered. “You’re too
bloody tight…feels too good.”

Practically lifting her from the desk when he felt himself spiraling out of
control, Buffy struggled to breathe as the new angle seemed to stretch and
fill her in ways she didn’t know was possible.

She felt as if she was losing control, her body craving the release that he
was rapidly pushing her to. Spike could feel her muscles squeezing him,
seeking out her climax. Leaning forward, he let his lips brush across her
ear. “Let it go, baby,” he whispered in a seductive tone. “Just let it
go…come for me.”

His hand came up to cover her mouth, knowing that her scream of satisfaction
wouldn’t be far behind, and the last thing they needed was for someone to run
into the room.

Something about the dominating position sent Buffy over the edge, clutching
at Spike’s shoulders and screaming into his palm when she felt him begin to
spill his load inside of her.

Buffy buried her head in his chest, letting her breathing return to normal,
and was surprised when his arms circled her waist. She breathed in the
strong scent of cigarette smoke and musky cologne with an underlying hint of
leather. She vaguely remembered seeing him wearing a leather duster at some point.

Spike inhaled the vanilla and honeysuckle fragrance of her hair as he let
his eyes close, enjoying the closeness of holding her.

Buffy felt him slip from her, immediately feeling the loss of not being
connected anymore. She stood up, straightening her clothes and trying to
control her heart as it hammered in her chest, almost painfully. She slowly
gathered her books, biting her lips as the nervous sensations nearly had her
trembling. Buffy had only had one sexual experience, and it hadn’t left her
with the best expectations of what to expect afterward.

Spike watched her, his brow furrowed in curiosity as she turned to leave the
room. “Buffy,” he said softly, causing her to turn around. He closed the
distance between them, slipping a finger under her chin as he raised her
eyes to his. “I’ll take you home, luv,” he whispered, looking at her
questioningly.

Buffy’s shoulders sagged in relief at the soft words.

“Come on,” he murmured, placing his hand on the small of her back and
leading her out of the classroom.

* * * * *

The ride to Buffy’s house was made in silence, apart from Buffy pointing out
directions. Spike kept a close eye on her as he drove, worried by her
silence. By the time he pulled into her driveway, he was starting to think
he took advantage of her.

Turning off the engine, his hand grasped Buffy’s as hers reached out for the
door handle. “Buffy-“

“You don’t have to say it,” Buffy said quietly, avoiding his eyes. “Nobody
will ever know…I promise.”

Spike’s questioning look returned as he tilted his head to stare at her.
“Good to know, luv, but that’s actually not what I was going to ask you.”

Her eyes finally rose to his as she waited.

“What’s wrong?”

Buffy looked down at their hands, still joined, though it was obvious that
it was more of a way to keep her in the car and not a show of intimacy. “I
don’t know how to do this,” she whispered.

“Do what, pet?”

“This,” she replied, gesturing to both of them.

“You mean what comes next?”

Buffy’s wide eyes shot up to his. “Next?”

“Buffy, I know you’ve done this before, since this wasn’t your first time.”
Spike tried to push down the stab of jealousy that the thought of her with
someone else seemed to evoke.

“That’s just it,” Buffy said with an embarrassed smile. “It wasn’t exactly
the best experience to learn on.”

Spike had to resist the smile when she said ‘experience’ in the single
context. “What happened?” he asked, real concern lacing its way through his
voice as he watched her carefully.

Buffy turned away from him, looking out the window as the leaves rustled in
the gentle wind, offering her a welcome distraction from the memories that
assaulted her. “It’s me,” she whispered. “I’m not…he didn’t want me.”

“He?”

“The first guy I…”

“And he told you this?” Spike asked, feeling anger flood his body, his grip
on her hand tightening involuntarily before he realized what he was doing.

“He didn’t have to,” Buffy said quietly. “I kind of figured it out when I
woke up alone and went to look for him. He was…he was with someone else.”

Spike closed his eyes, wanting to pull her into his arms and comfort her
but settled on twisting his hand until it was holding hers in a comfortable
grip. “He was a fool,” Spike replied softly. “Any man would be a fool to
leave you.”

Buffy looked at him with tears glistening in her eyes. “Is this all it was,
Spike?” she whispered, not sure if she wanted to know the answer but
knowing that she needed to know.

Spike gave her a gentle smile before leaning forward to leave a tender kiss
on her lips. Pulling back after a moment, he stared into her eyes. “This
is only the beginning."

Chapter 6


Buffy was a nervous wreck sitting in Spike’s class, watching as he went
through his regular method of teaching…and never once making eye contact
with her.

‘He regrets it,’ Buffy thought. ‘It was a mistake, and he must have realized
that last night.’

She sat through an hour that was both agonizingly long and excruciatingly
short. When the bell finally rang, Buffy slowly gathered her books, wanting
to speak to him but not sure how to broach the subject. She was pretty
sure that, ‘Hey, remember who I am? I’m the girl you fucked yesterday’
wasn’t going to cut it.

“Hey, Buffy, do you still have that book you borrowed last week?”

Buffy tore her gaze away from Spike to look at her best friend. “Yeah,
Wills. It’s in my locker.”

“Could we get it? I kind of need it today.”

“Sure,” Buffy replied, shooting another nervous glance to Spike and
suppressing a sigh when he appeared to be engrossed in some papers on his
desk. “Let’s go.”

Spike looked up to see Buffy and her friend walking out of the classroom.
He tried to ignore the incessant voice in his head telling him to go after
her. He hadn’t even been able to look at her in class for fear of everyone
seeing through his carefully crafted façade.

* * * * *

Ten minutes later, Buffy stood in the empty hallway, worrying her bottom
lip. She was at a crossroads…literally. To her left was the exit, the
logical choice that she should take, but it wasn’t nearly as appealing as
what was to the right…Spike.

Buffy looked at the hallway that led to his classroom. Even if he did want
to give her the brush-off, she had to know. Taking a deep breath, Buffy
walked toward his classroom, turning to walk in and stopping in her tracks.

She stood watching Spike and the computer teacher Ms. Calendar blatantly
flirting with each other. Buffy felt her heart drop into her stomach as
Spike gave Jenny a dazzling smile. A smile that Buffy had never been on the
receiving end of.

Spike looked over Jenny’s shoulder, his smile slowly fading as he saw Buffy
standing in the doorway, one hand braced on the frame as she watched the
interaction in front of her. He expected a typical teenage response of an
angry glare before turning and storming down the hallway. What he didn’t
expect was Buffy’s soft smile of understanding before she turned and walked
away.

Spike could still hear Jenny talking about something that had happened in
one of her classes, but his mind was on the blonde. He suppressed his jaw
clenching and the urge to squeeze his eyes shut as her words from the day before came
back to haunt him.

*It’s me. I’m not…he didn’t want me.*

He felt his heart seize, guilt flooding through him as he tried to think of
a way to excuse himself from Ms. Calendar and go after the younger girl.

* * * * *

Buffy walked down the street, her arms crossed over her chest as she let
silent tears stream down her cheeks. It wasn’t worth it to cry, and Buffy
silently promised herself that the tears wouldn’t last long. After all, it
was nothing. It was a fling. Just a fun memory. She was stronger than
this, she would be fine.

Hearing a car behind her begin to slow down, Buffy turned to look at it out
of the corner of her eye. She was surprised to see Spike’s black Desoto.
Buffy quickly turned away, wiping the tears from her face, trying to get rid
of any evidence that she’d been upset.

“Buffy!”

Buffy turned, biting her bottom lip as she looked at him. She fixed a small
smile on her face. “Mr. Bradley.”

Spike threw the car into park as Buffy stopped to look at him. “It’s
Spike,” he said softly. “Get in the car, luv.”

“I’m fine walking,” Buffy replied politely.

“Buffy, please get in the car,” Spike pleaded, giving her a look that she
couldn’t resist.

Buffy nervously looked around the neighborhood before sighing and
reluctantly getting in the car.

Spike breathed a sigh of relief as the door shut behind her. He began
driving, and Buffy vaguely realized that he wasn’t driving toward her house.
Both stayed silent for ten minutes until Spike pulled onto a gravel road,
driving for a few more minutes until he pulled into a wooded area.

Turning off the ignition, his hands stayed on the wheel as he stared
straight ahead. “What you saw today-“

“It doesn’t matter,” Buffy replied, shaking her head as she looked out her
window. “I didn’t really expect you to-“

“Stop right there,” Spike said forcefully as he turned her to face him,
feeling a lump form in his throat as he looked at her red eyes, evidence
that she'd been crying just before he picked her up. “What you saw today
was nothing,” he emphasized as his hands came up to her face, wanting to
hold her, to reassure her. “I need you to understand that.”

Buffy nodded, not entirely convinced.

“I’m sorry I ignored you today, but I knew all of my resolve would crumble
if I so much as looked at you.”

Buffy felt herself relax, giving him a soft smile as his eyes watched his
hands travel through her hair.

“I’m also a little unnerved,” Spike said softly as Buffy tilted her head to look at him.

“Why?” she asked in confusion.

“We didn’t use anything, Buffy.”

Her eyes widened in comprehension. “I’m on the Pill, Spike.”

He breathed a sigh of relief at the admission, the mood instantly changing.

“I don’t know what you’ve done to me, Buffy,” he whispered huskily as his
hands abandoned her hair, dropping to the smooth expanse of her thighs.
“You just keep pulling me in,” he murmured as his lips brushed against hers,
his strong arms pulling her into his lap as she returned the kiss. “Let me
in,” he pleaded, the double meaning not lost on either of them.

Buffy didn’t hesitate as their lips fused together, her hands moving to his
zipper as his pushed her skirt above her hips, grabbing her thighs and
tightening his grip as she sunk down onto his cock. He groaned as she
gasped, her eyes half-closed as she looked at him, her gaze filled with
lust.

Buffy bit her lip, almost in embarrassment as she began to rise and fall,
following Spike’s lead. Spike saw the uncertainty etched in her features
and immediately pulled her closer to him, his lips seeking hers before they
each broke away with a moan.

His grip on her body tightened as he felt her muscles clench him.

“Fuck!” Spike rasped, his head falling to Buffy’s shoulder as he tried to
hold off on his orgasm. “I’m gonna come, pet. You feel too good.”

His words alone sent Buffy soaring over the edge as her nails dug into his
shoulders. “Spike!” she screamed, her body practically melting into his.
Spike plunged into her, spilling himself within her hot depths as he
shuddered in climax, her name a whisper on his lips as he held onto her.

Spike pulled back to look at her when he felt the hot tears against his
skin. “What’s wrong, luv?” he asked, tilting her chin up to look at him.

“It’s stupid,” she said with a soft blush, shaking her head.

“I won’t think so.”

Buffy took a deep breath before speaking. “I didn’t…I didn’t think this
would happen again.”

Spike leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “I hope it’s
going to happen a lot more,” he whispered with a smile.

Buffy rewarded him with a dazzling smile before leaning in to kiss him
again.

Chapter 7


Buffy suppressed her scream of climax as Spike’s tongue continuously brought
her more pleasure.

Spike was in heaven. The girl who was the object of every one of his
fantasies was laying on his desk, naked, writhing with ecstasy because of
what he was doing to her. Spike stood up, letting his pants slide down his
legs as his erection sprung free.

Seconds before he was preparing to thrust into her wet opening, the PA
speakers crackled in the room.

“Faculty meeting in the library, five minutes. Don’t be late.”

Spike ground his teeth together. “Bloody hell.”

Buffy slowly came down from the bliss that was coursing through her body as
she struggled to sit up.

Spike turned his eyes back to her, tilting his head to look at the young
woman lying beneath him. “Where do you think you’re going, pet?” he asked
in a playful tone.

“You have a meeting,” Buffy replied, still breathless. She gasped, a smile
fluttering on her lips as he slowly pushed into her, never breaking eye
contact.

“In five minutes,” he replied with his own smile.

As they moved together, both were surprised at the intimacy of the moment.
The situation was a far cry from being romantic- it was filled with too much
lust to be considered romance- but something about being connected to each
other with their bodies and their eyes brought a new depth to their
relationship.

Something felt complete for the first time, but both were too consumed by
desire to think about it.

Pleasure radiated through Buffy’s body as everything else faded away. They
were the only two people in the world, as far as she was concerned, and she
wasn’t willing to let go of the feeling just yet.

Spike tightened his hold on her, lifting her from the desk to pivot and
press her against the dry-erase board that lined one wall. He had to
squeeze his eyes shut as her back arched toward him, letting him penetrate
even further.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he whispered as he continuously filled her.

“Yours,” Buffy readily agreed. “Only yours.”

Spike practically glowed at the admission, seconds before he felt her body
shudder and convulse with her second climax. He followed closely behind,
pulsing deep inside of her before pulling her close in a crushing hold.

This was Buffy’s favorite time with Spike. The sex was unbelievably
amazing, but it was nothing compared to the comfort he offered her, just by
pulling her close to him directly afterward.

“That was bloody amazing,” Spike said breathlessly, pulling back to brush
the hair out of her face.

Buffy breathed heavily as she nodded, not trusting herself to speak. A few
minutes later, Spike slipped from her warmth as he looked at the clock.

“Well, I’m late,” he said with a slight grin.

“You don’t seem too upset,” Buffy replied, slowly pulling her clothes back
on.

Spike buckled his belt before stepping behind Buffy as she adjusted her
pants, wrapping his arms around her waist as she straightened. Her naked
torso was enough to have him hard again as he began nibbling lightly on her
neck.

“Of course I’m not upset, luv,” he murmured against her skin. “I’d rather
be inside you than sitting with a bunch of stuffy, tweed-wearing
know-it-alls.”

Buffy stiffened as she pulled away, slipping her shirt over her head. “You
didn’t seem to mind Ms. Calendar flirting with you.”

Spike sighed. “Are you still on that?”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Buffy asked as she smoothed her hair. “You said it
was nothing, but is that what I am? Is she just another ‘nothing’ to add to
your list?”

Buffy had no idea where the hostility came from. It was as if her brain had
become detached from her mouth and, judging from the look on Spike’s face,
they better become reacquainted real fast.

“What do you want me to say, Buffy?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her as
she grabbed her bag off the floor.

“Denying it might be a good start,” Buffy replied, her arms crossed over her
chest. How did things spiral out of control so fast? She felt as if she
was in a standoff with a man that, just moments ago, she’d felt an
unparalleled intimate connection.

“I don’t owe you anything,” Spike said, his anger getting the best of him.
He regretted it the moment he saw the hurt flash in her eyes.

“Fine,” Buffy said in a cold voice as her eyes hardened, hiding the emotions
that she was feeling. “Then I guess I don’t owe you anything.”

“Buffy-“

“I’ll just go find my own ‘nothing’ so I won’t bother you anymore.”

Spike caught her arm as she wrenched the door open. He was about to respond when he noticed a very flustered Rupert Giles with his hand poised to knock. Buffy and Spike stared at him for a moment before Spike dropped Buffy’s arm as if it burned him.

“Miss Summers,” Giles said, giving her a polite nod.

“Hello, Giles,” she said softly.

Giles turned his attention to the other man. “Mr. Bradley, I was sent to
see if you remembered the faculty meeting.”

“On my way there now,” Spike replied with a higher class accent than he
normally used. “Just had to finish…tutoring Miss Summers.”

“I see,” Giles replied, not sounding entirely convinced.

“And if you’ll excuse me,” Buffy said, directing her attention at the older
man. “My mom’s expecting me.”

“Of course,” Giles said, moving out of the way as Buffy walked down the
hallway.

“Miss Summers,” Spike called after her, watching as she turned but didn’t
entirely face him. “We’ll discuss the question you had at a later time.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Bradley,” Buffy replied, turning around to settle
him with a hard look. “It’s pretty clear. I’m understanding everything
with perfect clarity.”

Spike suppressed a sigh as she continued to walk away.

“Mr. Bradley,” Giles spoke up, breaking him out of his thoughts. “I’ve
known Miss Summers for a long time, and I care about her a great deal. I
feel the need to remind you that she is only seventeen.”

‘Shit, shit, shit.’

“Whatever you’re implying, Mr. Giles, I can assure you it is an unfounded
concern.”

“Glad to hear it,” Giles said with a friendly smile and a slap on the back.
Spike returned the smile halfheartedly as he followed the older man down the
hallway. He felt his heart sink as he heard the exit door slam shut and
could see Buffy through the pane of glass that was still rattling with the
force that she slammed it as she hurriedly walked away. He was definitely going
to have to make it up to her for this one.

Chapter 8


Buffy surprised herself when she made it home and no tears were shed. She
refused to let herself be a victim in this scenario.

‘So we slept together…so what?’ Buffy thought to herself. ‘It’s not like
either of us made a big thing about it.’

Unfortunately, the same time her ‘voice of reason’ was speaking, another
voice was making itself known. The one that was screaming ‘LIAR!’

Buffy avoided her mother as she walked up to her room, collapsing on the bed
and trying to keep her mind off the peroxide menace who was clouding her
thoughts. She listened as the phone rang, waiting for her mom to pick up.
After the third ring, Buffy growled as she rolled onto her side, picking up
the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Buffy, listen to me, I-“

Buffy slammed the phone down, not caring to listen to him. Her frown
deepened when it began ringing again.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she nearly yelled into the phone.

“Please, luv-“

* * * * *

Spike nearly threw his cell phone against the wall of his classroom as she
disconnected the call. Sitting through the meeting had been a nightmare.
All kinds of scenarios were running through Spike’s head. What if Buffy
never made it home? What if she was sitting somewhere crying because he
was acting like a pillock? What if she truly believed he didn’t want her?

The last thought was what propelled him to make the phone call, not caring
at this point if her mother had answered.

An idea formed as Spike nearly leapt from his chair, searching his room.

* * * * *

Buffy stirred the spaghetti as her mother prepared the French bread for
their dinner. Both looked at each other when the doorbell rang and made a
silent agreement that Joyce had the easiest task to abandon.

Buffy poured the spaghetti into a colander, hearing quiet voices coming from
the foyer.

“Buffy,” her mother called a moment later. “You have a visitor.”

Buffy frowned, wiping her hands on a towel as she walked through the dining
room and froze in her tracks when she saw Spike standing next to her mother
with a smile on his face.

“Yes, Mr. Bradley?” she asked with an edge of coolness to her tone that did not go
unnoticed by Spike.

“Mr. Bradley just stopped by to drop off the notes you needed for a paper
that’s due,” Joyce said with a smile. “Wasn’t that nice of him to go out of
his way? He said you left them during your tutoring session today.”

Buffy frowned as she looked into Spike’s blue eyes. So many emotions were
conveyed in those sapphire depths, but the only one she could see clearly
was remorse. It made her feel a little better, but she didn’t know what he
was trying to accomplish with her mom standing there.

“It really wasn’t necessary,” Buffy said softly as she took a hesitant step
forward, holding out her hand for the fictitious notes. “I could have
finished the ‘paper’ without them.”

“Oh, Buffy, be polite,” Joyce chastised her daughter before turning to
Spike. “We’re just about to have dinner, would you care to join us?”

Buffy gave her mother a desperate look that was unnoticed by Joyce as she
waited for his answer.

A slow smirk spread on Spike’s face as he looked at Buffy. “If you’re sure
I won’t be an imposition.”

“Nonsense,” Joyce said with a smile. “Buffy, set an extra place for Mr.
Bradley.”

“It’s William,” Spike corrected. “Or Spike, if you prefer.”

“Spike? Where’d you get that nickname?”

Buffy stopped in the doorway, turning to raise an eyebrow at Spike, silently
asking if he was going to tell her mother the origin of his nickname.

“Old prison name,” Spike said with a joking laugh. “I killed some people by
running them through with railroad spikes. The name just stuck.”

Joyce and Spike shared a laugh as Buffy rolled her eyes, disappearing into
the kitchen.

“Anything I can do to help?” Spike asked, following her mother into the
kitchen.

Buffy sidestepped him as she walked back to the dining room, setting the
table.

“Sure, you can go ahead and take the salad and put it on the table.”

Spike nodded, grabbing the bowl as he walked into the other room. “We need
to talk, luv,” he whispered to Buffy.

She was about to respond when Joyce walked in with the bread. “Buffy, can
you get the spaghetti and sauce?”

“I’ll help you,” Spike volunteered as Joyce went to sit down.

Buffy stayed quiet as she poured the sauce into a bowl, tensing when she
felt Spike’s fingers ghost over her lower back. As his lips brushed over
her neck, Buffy took a step away, turning and handing Spike the bowl without
making eye contact with him.

“Buffy-“

“Mom’s waiting,” she said softly, turning to get the noodles.

Spike sighed as he left the room.

* * * * *

Buffy sat silently in her chair for nearly an hour as Joyce and Spike made
pleasant small talk, getting to know each other. She thought she would
retch as she watched her mother flirt with the man. The same man who,
unbeknownst to Joyce Summers, had been inside of her daughter just a few
short hours ago.

“May I be excused?” Buffy mumbled.

“Buffy, you hardly ate anything,” Joyce said, looking at her daughter’s full
plate.

“I’m not hungry,” she said softly, standing up to take her plate to the
sink. Passing through the dining room on her way up the stairs, Buffy
caught Joyce’s look. “What Mom?”

“Aren’t you going to thank your teacher?”

Buffy took a deep breath, turning to look in Spike’s eyes. “Thanks,” she
muttered.

“Not a problem.”

She turned and walked up the stairs when she heard Spike call her name. She
turned around with a sigh as Spike met her halfway, using the excuse of
handing her the fake notes to get close to her. Out of Joyce’s eye-line, he
leaned in close to Buffy. “I’m sorry.”

“Really?” Buffy asked disbelievingly with a raised eyebrow.

“I want you,” he whispered. “I need you.” Buffy’s lips tightened as he
took her hand, placing it over the bulge in his pants. “See how much I need
you?” he asked in a whisper.

Buffy pulled her hand away, fixing him with a hard gaze. “You’re sure it
was me that gave you that?” she asked quietly. “Or was it my mom?" Buffy
turned around, leaving a very confused Spike on the stairs.

Turning and walking back into the dining room, he suddenly realized Joyce’s
flirty behavior as she gave him a smile and offered him a mug of hot
chocolate. He had been so preoccupied with Buffy, he didn’t even notice the
attention her mother was giving to him.

“I think I’ll have to pass,” Spike said with a small smile as he took his
plate to the kitchen. “Early day tomorrow, and I still have some work to
finish up.”

“Oh, well…maybe a raincheck then,” she said in a hopeful tone.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he said, trying to let her down
easily. “My girlfriend might not like the idea.”

“Oh…you have a girlfriend?”

Spike thought of the young woman upstairs, upset because Spike was such a
ponce earlier. “Yeah,” he said softly. “She’s wonderful.”

“Lucky woman,” Joyce replied, walking him to the door.

Spike said goodnight as he walked out of the house, lighting a cigarette
when he got to his car. Turning around to face the house, he saw a single
light on upstairs and smiled as an idea formed.

A/N Thanks, as always, to Allison for her support on such a controversial topic and for her betaing as always. You have definitely kept me going on a number of stories that I wasn’t sure about. And a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed!



Chapter 9


Buffy looked out her window and saw that the black Desoto was gone. She
hung her head as she searched through her bureau and pulled out a simple
white nightgown. The satin fell just above her knees and felt cool against
her skin as she sat down at her vanity, looking at herself in the mirror.

She didn’t look any different. After the whirlwind that was the last couple
of weeks, she expected to see another person looking back at her…but she was the same. She might be a little more experienced, a little more picky when it came to her future boyfriends- since she doubted there were a lot of
other men out there who could bring her the same pleasure that Spike did, but overall she was the same.

Buffy picked up the brush and let it glide through her hair, watching as the
golden locks shimmered in the soft lamplight. She gasped when she heard a
tap on her window. Spinning around, she saw Spike on the other side. Rushing
across the room, she hurriedly threw open the window and gaped at him as he
entered her room.

“What are you doing?” she whispered frantically.

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re being an idiot,” Buffy hissed in reply.

Spike wrapped his arms around her waist, a move that Buffy found too
comforting to push him away. “I really am sorry,” he whispered, leaving
soft kisses from her forehead to her neck and back again. “I didn’t mean
any of it…and I set your mum straight that I have a girlfriend.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as he played with the thin straps of her nightgown.
“What?”

“You heard me,” he said in a husky whisper, his eyes on her body. “Can we
make up now?” he asked with a smile.

Buffy felt wetness flood between her thighs, even as she glanced around,
nervously. “Spike, we can’t,” she whispered unconvincingly. “My mom…”

“We’ll lock the door,” he whispered, slipping a hand under the hem of her
nightgown and brushing her panties aside. “You know you want to,” he
continued, teasing her opening. “I can feel how much you want me.”

Buffy’s breathing became labored as her eyes closed. “So much,” she
whispered, moaning as he gently slipped a finger inside of her. Her voice
took on an urgent, pleading quality as all thoughts vanished from her head.
All but one…how much she needed this man. “Spike-“

“Shhh, kitten,” he whispered, moving them to the bed as he stripped off his
clothes. “You’re going to have to be quiet…can you do that for me?”

Buffy managed to nod as she moved to take off the nightgown.

“Don’t,” he murmured, trailing kisses along her neck and gently freeing her
breasts from the material. “I like seeing you like this,” he whispered, his
hands gently tracing over her body.

“Like what?” Buffy asked, barely able to articulate any words as she focused
on his hands and body.

“Innocent,” he replied, never stopping the soft kisses he was leaving on her
body. He could feel Buffy tense up slightly and pulled back to look at her.
Smiling softly, he gave her a gentle kiss. “What’s wrong, luv?”

“You think I’m…”

Buffy didn’t finish as she bit her lip. Spike realized what she was
thinking as he brought her hand up to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on it.
“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he said softly. “I just like to
imagine it’s only me that you’ve been with.”

Buffy gave him a gentle smile, running her hand along his cheek. “You’re
the only one that mattered.”

Spike gave her a brilliant smile. “You too, luv,” he said before returning to his earlier
ministrations, licking a slow trail down her chest and circling a nipple.
Buffy moaned, arching against him as he latched on. Her fingers wound
through his hair, holding him to her as his hands massaged her body through
the satin.

Before Spike knew what was happening, Buffy pushed him inside of her. He
suppressed a groan, burying his face in her neck as he fully sheathed
himself in warmth. Buffy moaned when he stilled his movements as he waited
for her to get adjusted to him.

When the feeling became too much for both of them, he grasped her hips,
making eye contact with her as he began to move with slow, sure thrusts.
“Bloody hell,” he murmured in appreciation as Buffy began pushing against
him with more force.

“Oh God, Spike!” Buffy moaned, causing Spike’s hand to quickly cover her
mouth. His movements never stopped as their eyes made contact.

“You have to be quiet, baby,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her
forehead.

He was beginning to lose control over his breathing as he pulled back and
began pumping into her with more force, careful not to let the bed squeak or
the headboard bang against the wall.

Buffy felt as if her body shattered, her scream muffled by his hand as Spike
pulled completely out of her only to plunge back in.

“Buffy?”

Buffy’s eyes widened as Spike took his hand away from her mouth, his
movements never stopping as he nodded.

“Yeah, Mom?” she called, her voice more breathy than it had ever been as
her eyelashes fluttered with repressed desires.

Spike nodded his encouragement, pounding into her as her hips lifted to meet
his, knowing that there was no way he’d be able to stop.

“Are you going to bed, sweetie?”

It took Buffy a moment to process her mother’s question as she felt another
orgasm overtake her.

“Yes!”

Spike smiled, knowing her shout was more for him than an answer to the
question.

“Goodnight.”

“’Night,” Buffy said almost imperceptibly.

Spike squeezed his eyes shut as he gave one more powerful thrust, emptying
himself within her welcoming body as Buffy came down from her second climax.
The seriousness of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks as his head
dropped onto the pillow, next to hers.

He could feel her heartbeat surrounding him. Pressed against her chest, the
thudding reverberated to him. Still imbedded inside of her, he could feel
the pulsing of her muscles, in time with the beat. It threatened to lull
him into a false sense of security, but the risk was too great. He’d almost
blown it.

“Shit,” he muttered.

“What?” Buffy asked nervously.

“That was close.”

Buffy ran a hand over his quivering muscles, trying to get him to relax.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, confused at the role reversal. ‘Wasn’t he the
one who didn’t worry about getting caught?’

“We forgot to lock the door,” he said, climbing out of the bed and gathering
his clothes before pulling on his pants.

Buffy looked at him with hurt in her eyes as she modestly pulled the sheet
over her chest. Spike noticed the change in her attitude and instantly felt
like an ass. With a sigh, he walked over to the door, locking it before
returning to the bed.

“I’m sorry…again,” he whispered, sliding in next to her and pulling her into
his arms. Giving her a gentle kiss, his hold on her tightened as he let his
chin rest on top of her head. “Can’t seem to do anything right, can I, luv?”

Both stayed quiet for a long moment, before Buffy’s curiosity got the best of her.

“What is this to you?” she asked softly, not sure if she wanted to know the
answer. After all, she was lying in bed, in her mother’s house, in the arms
of her history teacher that she had only known a few short weeks. She
didn’t even want to stop and analyze all of the possible wrongs about this
scenario.

Spike contemplated her question, before pulling back to look in her eyes.
“Something special,” he whispered, hoping that would be enough of an answer
for her.

Buffy snuggled into his chest, treasuring the few precious minutes of
privacy and intimacy that she had with him. This was enough…for now, this
was all she needed.

Chapter 10


Buffy gave Spike a shy smile from her seat in his class. His lips quirked
in response before he quickly looked away.

It had been a month since their affair started, and Buffy could still feel
her cheeks flush whenever Spike looked at her. She watched as he walked
around the room, handing back some papers. He walked beside her more than
necessary, letting his hand subtly brush along her shoulder every time he
passed.

Buffy looked down as Spike placed a paper on her desk. Turning it over, she
saw a ‘B’ scrawled on the top, which was normal for her. A few weeks ago,
Spike had tried to raise Buffy’s grade, but she had insisted that he leave
it alone and let her earn whatever she was supposed to get. Spike had
briefly argued but stopped when Buffy told him it felt too much like a
payment for their time together. Spike had immediately put her at ease,
reassuring her that he would never think of that and he wouldn’t push the
subject.

Buffy looked closer and noticed a small note, written in pencil: ‘My place-
5:00’.

She found herself shivering in anticipation, a secret smile on her face as
she shoved the paper in her bag as the final bell rang.

“Buffy, do you want to go shopping tomorrow?” Willow asked, gathering her
books together.

“Sure,” Buffy agreed with a smile, although the smile was more for Spike as
she walked out of the room. “What are we shopping for?”

“Homecoming dresses.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she realized Homecoming was just a few days away.

“Did you forget?” Willow asked, stopping at her locker.

“Yeah, I guess I’ve been spacey lately,” Buffy said with a shrug. “Are you
going with anyone?”

“Xander asked me yesterday,” Willow said with a light blush.

Buffy nearly shrieked as she spun around to face her friend. “And you
didn’t call and tell me?!”

Willow suppressed a smile as she bit her lip. “I guess I didn’t really
believe it.”

“Oh my God, Wills, I’m so happy for you!” Buffy cried, grabbing her friend
and wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Now we just have to find you a date,” Willow said happily.

“Oh no,” Buffy replied, waving her hand dismissively. “I’m cool with going
stag- I think I’ll have more fun that way.”

“Well, I wish I’d known that earlier because…”

Willow trailed off as she looked over Buffy’s shoulder in anticipation.
Buffy’s eyes widened, not wanting to turn around. “Oh, Willow, you didn’t…”

“I did,” Willow replied as a soft voice traveled to Buffy’s ears.

“Hi, Buffy.”

Buffy took a deep breath before turning around with a fake smile. “Hi,
Scott.”

“So, listen…I was wondering if you had a date to the dance this weekend?”

Buffy’s eyes darted around the emptying hallway as she tried to think of a
valid excuse, but when none came to her, she decided to go with the truth.
“No, I don’t.”

“Well…um…would you like to…go? With me, I mean.”

Buffy shot Willow an anxious look that her friend didn’t entirely
understand.

‘He’s a nice guy,’ Buffy thought with an internal shrug. ‘At least I know
he’ll be on his best behavior.’

“I guess that would be okay,” she said with a tight smile.

“Great!” Scott said with a grin. “Willow said we could share their limo.”

Buffy shot her friend a look for plotting behind her back. “That’s great,
Scott. I’ll see you then.”

Buffy turned and walked down the hall and out of the building, her heartbeat
rapidly thudding in her chest. ‘What’s Spike going to say?’

* * * * *

Buffy screamed out her release as Spike rammed into her welcoming body, her
nails leaving long scratches along his back as his hands tilted her hips
toward his, plunging deeper. Spike felt the muscles in his jaw clench as he
watched Buffy arching her back toward him, craving more contact and giving
him a spectacular view of her body.

He could feel himself losing control as he pumped into her with such force
that he was sure they would both be bruised in the morning. Buffy didn’t
care as long as he kept moving.

“Spike, I’m coming!” Buffy screamed as her second orgasm washed over her,
nearly causing her to black out from the force of the pleasure. ‘I could
easily die from this,’ she thought happily as Spike called her name,
spilling himself inside her before collapsing on top of her.

Buffy looked around, vaguely realizing that they’d made it to his bedroom.
Or at least, practically in his bedroom- since they had been so focused on
each other, they’d landed on the floor.

Spike rolled away from her as Buffy snuggled into his chest, feeling a chill
creep over her as they separated, leaving the cool air to run over her damp
skin. Spike breathed heavily as he let his arms pull her close, trailing a
hand along her skin. Buffy bit her lip, wondering if she should broach the
Homecoming conversation right now and deciding this might be the best time.
After all, what other time would he ever be this relaxed?

“Spike?” she murmured, letting her hand play with the muscles in his chest
as he sighed in contentment.

“Yeah, baby?” he whispered, his eyes already beginning to close with
exhaustion.

“You know the dance this weekend?” Buffy asked in a quiet tone, before worrying her
bottom lip, taking out her nervousness on it.

“Yeah,” Spike said with a yawn. “I’m chaperoning.”

Buffy took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll see you there then,” she
whispered.

Spike was instantly awake as he realized what they were talking about.
“You’re going to be there?”

Buffy hesitantly nodded. “Scott Hope asked me to go.”

Spike felt his stomach drop as his hand fell from her shoulders.

Buffy propped herself up to look at him, her hair framing her face as she
stared down at the man who was the object of all of her thoughts. “Spike,
he doesn’t mean anything-“

“Have a good time,” Spike replied in a cold voice as he got to his feet,
looking around his bedroom and slipping on some sweatpants.

Buffy watched him, feeling tears spring to her eyes before looking at the
ground, curling her legs up to her chest in a modest effort to hide herself.
“If you don’t want me to go…I won’t,” she murmured, not taking the risk of
looking at him. “I’ll understand.”

Spike looked at her, feeling his heart clench as he stared at her small
huddled body before closing his eyes for a brief moment as he realized what
he was doing to her. ‘She’s a senior in high school, you wanker,’ he
chastised himself. ‘And you’re trying to take these memories away from
her. You can’t honestly expect her to miss out on everything.’

“Come here, baby,” he whispered, helping her to her feet as he wrapped her
in a strong embrace. He let his hands run through her hair, trying to
soothe her as he felt her tears on his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered,
kissing the top of her head. “You go and have a good time.”

“I don’t have to,” Buffy whispered, shaking her head as she looked at him
with watery eyes, hating the fact that he was seeing her at such a weak
moment.

Spike tenderly brushed her tears away, keeping his eyes locked with hers.
“You have fun with your friends,” he said before a smile spread across his
face. “Meet up with me afterwards?”

Buffy smiled before nodding. “Of course,” she whispered as he pulled her to
him for another hug. Buffy felt the relief wash over her as he continued to
comfort her.

Spike continued his soothing methods, staring at a point on the wall but
not seeing it as his eyes took on a distant quality. ‘How long can we keep
doing this?’

Chapter 11


Buffy nervously walked into the over-decorated gym on Scott Hope’s arm. He
had been plaguing her with compliments since he had walked through the door,
and although Buffy thought it was sweet, it was very quickly grating on her
nerves.

‘I wonder what he would say if I told him I bought this dress for the hot
history teacher?’ Buffy thought with a small smile.

The black halter-dress was a little risqué for a high school dance, with a
high slit up one leg and a low-cut neckline. Not to mention the fact that
there was no back.

Buffy could see Spike standing across the gymnasium, wearing a pair of black
dress pants and a black button-down shirt. She felt her heart speed up
slightly when she noticed the unbuttoned collar, exposing a small portion of
his chest.

“This is nice, huh?” Scott asked, seeming more insecure than normal.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, turning to him with a smile plastered on her face.
“Thanks for inviting me.”

She wasn’t lying. It really was nice to be here with a nice guy like Scott,
but her traitorous thoughts kept drifting to the man across the gym. The
same man who hadn’t even looked at her since she walked in the door. Buffy
knew that he was aware that she had arrived, since his stance had straightened
and his jaw was more rigid, but he never made eye contact with her.

“Would you like some punch?” Scott asked as everyone got situated around an
available table.

Buffy glanced up, seeing that Spike was still standing in the same place,
which also happened to be very close to the refreshment table. “Yeah,”
Buffy replied. “But why don’t you let me get it,” she finished, not really
giving him a chance to question her before taking off for the table.

Spike could see Buffy approaching out of the corner of his eye and casually
walked over to grab a cup from the table, taking a sip as he eyed her up and
down. He felt aroused and angry at the same time.

Buffy nervously glanced at him, offering a tentative smile as she reached
for her own cup. Spike took a step past her, so they were
shoulder-to-shoulder. “You shouldn’t be here with that wanker, the way you
look,” he muttered, causing Buffy to risk a glance at him. Spike met her eyes
and immediately regretted his tactless remark when he saw the hurt in hers.
Buffy turned to walk away when Spike stepped in front of her. “I didn’t
mean it that way.”

“I wore this for you, not him,” Buffy said softly before walking away.

Spike sighed, turning around to watch her as she approached her friends,
handing her date his drink.

‘Why do I feel threatened by this kid?’ Spike asked himself before shutting
his eyes in realization. ‘Because he’s a kid…he’s the same age as Buffy…the
age that she should be dating.’

Spike watched face light up with a smile at something Willow said as her date put his arm
on the back of her chair.

‘She deserves this,’ Spike thought, his brow creasing with the stress of the
situation. ‘I should end it. It would be the right thing to do.’

Even as he thought those fateful words, an image of Buffy’s body pressed
against his as they moved together flashed through his subconscious. He
couldn’t let her go. She already meant too much to him- whether it was
sexually or not, he wasn’t ready to analyze it. He just knew he didn’t want
to let her go.

* * * * *

Buffy avoided Spike for most of the night. She wasn’t mad at him about his
comment, but the situation would have been too awkward if her lover and her
date were both within close proximity of her.

Buffy hesitantly danced with Scott, trying not to focus on the awkward way
his body felt against hers. She felt like she was in Junior High again, with a strange boy awkwardly wrapped around her.

“I’ve had a really good time tonight, Buffy,” Scott said softly as they
moved in a slow circle.

Buffy pulled back to look at him, smiling softly. “Me, too,” she said. She
was surprised that she actually meant it. Although she would have preferred
to have been dancing in the arms of a certain blonde chaperone, she knew that
was an unrealistic dream. Scott was a nice guy, who went out of his way to
make sure she had a good time.

Nothing could have prepared her for the shock of his lips gently meeting
hers. Buffy tried to pull away without actually jumping out of his arms,
not wanting him to feel bad, but not liking the feel of someone else kissing her, either.

“I’m sorry,” Scott said with a soft smile. “Should I not have done that?”

“Scott, it’s not that I didn’t like it…it’s just I’m not looking to get
involved with anyone right now.”

‘Not entirely a lie,’ Buffy thought to herself.

“That’s okay,” Scott replied with a small shrug. “I guess that’s what I
expected.”

“Scott-“

“No, it’s okay,” he said as he backed away. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll
head on out…unless you want me to make sure you get home okay.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy said with a wave of her hand. “I’ll take the limo back
with Willow and Xander.”

“Okay…I did have a really good time tonight.”

“I did, too,” Buffy said with a smile as he walked away. She hated hurting
his feelings, but she knew it was better this way. She definitely didn’t
want to lead him on and it wasn’t fair to whatever she and Spike had or might have together.

Buffy turned to scan the crowded gym looking for Spike and felt her heart drop into
her stomach when she saw him dancing with Jenny Calendar.

*I don’t owe you anything*

Spike’s words haunted her as she watched Jenny laugh at something he’d said.
His eyes met hers and she felt the familiar knot in her stomach that accompanied his gaze. Only this
time it wasn’t lust- it was anxiety. The look in his eyes made her feel
like she had been replaced…permanently.

Buffy felt the tears spring to her eyes as her lips tightened. She turned
and walked back to the table, saying a quick goodnight to Willow and Xander.

Buffy saw their linked hands casually resting on top of the table and felt a brief smile flicker on her lips, happy that her friends had each other.

“You don’t want to ride back with us, Buff?” Xander asked.

“I’m not feeling well,” Buffy replied, knowing it was the truth. “I’m just
going to call my mom.”

Buffy walked out of the gym, feeling her anxiety grow with every step she
took. Every step that separated her from the man she felt a natural pull toward.

* * * * *

Spike watched Buffy walk out by herself, and a deep frown settled on his
face. He noticed she didn’t walk out with her date, and he’d seen the look
on her face when she saw him dancing with Jenny. It must have mirrored the
look on his face when he had witnessed the kiss between her and Scott Hope.

Spike thought about going after her, but he didn’t want to draw any
attention to himself by leaving Jenny in the middle of a song. The last
thing he needed was for Jenny to see him confronting someone who was more
than a student. And he knew whatever he said to Buffy tonight, would only blow up in his face.

* * * * *

Buffy opened the door to the school office and switched on one row of
lights, illuminating a small section of the room in the glaring fluorescent glow
as she walked over to the phone. Hearing the door open behind her, Buffy
turned and felt her jaw tighten when she saw Riley Finn standing behind her.

“I’ve been watching you all night, Buff,” he said with a wicked smile as he stepped
closer to her. “And you haven’t even said hello to me.”

“Aren’t you here with Cordelia?” Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

“What of it?”

“I was just thinking that maybe you should be with your date, instead of
stalking your ex.”

“I just thought we could have a little fun,” Riley said with a grin.

“I think we had enough ‘fun’ while we were dating. Although, that’s
certainly not how I would describe it.”

“Come on, sweetheart,” Riley said, pinning her to the wooden counter and
angling his lips to kiss her. “For old times sake.”

“No,” Buffy replied as she turned her head, letting Riley’s lips come in
contact with her cheek. She could feel her heart begin to speed up, but breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the door open. She didn’t care who it was as long as she wasn’t alone with Riley Finn.

“Mr. Finn, back to the gym…NOW!”

Buffy briefly closed her eyes when she heard Spike’s voice. She certainly
wasn’t relaxing, as she expected to, when Riley walked out of the office.
Spike waited until he had disappeared through the double doors before
turning to Buffy.

“Is he another one of your ‘nothings’?” Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

Buffy’s eyes burned as she held back her tears. Taking a deep breath, she
walked past Spike, out into the hallway, surprised when he caught her by the
arm.

“You never answered the question,” he said in a menacing tone.

Buffy jerked her arm out of his grasp as she pinned him with her own angry
gaze. “What do you care? You were busy.”

“Not as busy as you,” Spike countered, jealousy dripping from his voice. “Two men in ten minutes, and plans
with another one for later tonight? I’d say you’ve found your calling, pet.”

Spike regretted it the minute the words were out of his mouth. He watched
her carefully, noting how Buffy’s face stayed closed off, but her eyes
reflected all of the pain that she was feeling. She slowly turned and
walked toward the exit doors when she heard his voice.

“Buffy-“

“Don’t,” she said softly, her back still turned to him. “I know you meant
it- why take it back?”

‘But I didn’t,’ Spike thought, wanting nothing more than to hold the young
woman in his arms.

“And for the record,” Buffy continued, turning slightly to look at him over
her shoulder. “I told Scott I didn’t want to be with him. And as for
Riley…he was the first man to treat me like I was nothing…but obviously not
the last.”

Spike’s mouth opened slightly, wanting to call out to her as she walked out
of the building, but no sound came out. He felt remorse flood through him
as he realized what he’d said to her…and what she must be going through.




A/N Thanks for all the reviews so far and Happy Birthday to Allison!

Chapter 12


Buffy made it two blocks before she heard footsteps behind her. She tensed,
praying that it wasn’t Riley as she turned around. She was only mildly
surprised to see Spike running toward her.

With a sigh, Buffy turned around and began walking again, pretending as if she’d never seen him.

“Buffy, pet, please wait!”

“Why?” Buffy called over her shoulder, never slowing down as Spike came up
behind her. “Oh, let me guess,” she said, when he turned her to face him. “You
thought of something else that was really hurtful to say and you didn’t want
to say it over the phone, because the funniest part is that look on my face
when I-“

“That’s not why,” Spike said, trying to catch his breath. “Should have
driven the soddin’ car,” he muttered under his breath.

Buffy rolled her eyes, turning away from him again, when she felt his hand on her arm. “Stop grabbing me!” Buffy yelled, wrenching her arm free and shoving him away from her. Spike immediately backed away, holding his hands up in a form of surrender.

He stared at her for a long moment, partly admiring her body that was carefully hidden in the dress and partly trying to figure a way out of this hole he seemed to dig for himself.

“You must be freezing, pet,” he said softly, wishing he’d worn his duster
that night so he could give it to her.

“I’m fine,” Buffy replied, tempted to turn away from him again but deciding against it. He obviously wasn’t going to let her go anywhere until he said what he had to say. “What do you want?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” he whispered, trying to put as much feeling as
he could behind his words.

“Sure sounded like it to me,” she murmured, looking at the ground.

“Buffy, I swear I have never thought of you that way. Not once, pet. I guess I have a serious case of ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease.”

Spike could see her resolve slowly crumbling when a smile quirked her lips as he approached her, putting
his hands on her waist and tugging her forward. Buffy looked up at him, obviously still hurt, as his hands ran over her arms, trying to get some warmth back into them. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, never meaning anything more than those words. “I don’t want this to be the end.”

Buffy gave him a sad smile. “If we broke up every time we had a fight, we’d never stay together.”

Spike chuckled, his hands tightening around her waist. “So that’s it, then? We’re still together?”

“I don’t need you,” she whispered unconvincingly, trying to persuade herself to believe her own words as
Spike brushed his lips across hers.

“I know you don’t, luv,” he said softly, believing that she truly didn’t need him. “But I need you.”

Buffy raised her eyes to his, not sure if she understood what he was saying.

“Can we go back to my place?” Spike asked, dipping his head to kiss her bare
shoulder. “I want to show you how much I need you.”

Buffy took a shaky breath. “Is it always about sex?” she asked softly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

“Not always,” Spike replied, pulling her forward to wrap his arms around her in a comforting embrace. “And it doesn’t have to be tonight, if that’s not what you want. I just love spending time with you. If you wanted to stop at anytime, that’s fine with me. I’ll leave the decision up to you.”

Buffy felt her resolve fade away as her hands reached up to wrap around his
neck, pulling him down to her for a tender kiss. Spike pulled back after a
moment, feeling her trembling in his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked in
concern, tilting his head to study her.

“I am now,” Buffy whispered.

* * * * *

Buffy gasped as she walked into Spike’s house, seeing candles lit on every
surface, rose petals leading to the bedroom. “Spike,” she whispered. “How
did you do this?”

“A friend of mine was kind enough to help me out,” he said, stepping up
behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist as he began kissing her
neck.

“A friend who knows about us?”

“Somewhat,” Spike replied, never stopping the soft kisses. “He knows you’re younger and he also knows to keep his mouth shut, but he doesn’t know your name, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Who is it?” Buffy asked, practically melting into his embrace.

“Charles Gunn. I’ve known him for years,” he said softly. “How long do we have?”

Buffy turned around in his arms, a dazzling smile on her face. “All night,”
she whispered, brushing her lips to his in a gentle kiss. “My mom’s
expecting me to stay at Willow’s.”

“What if she calls Willow?”

“She never has before…but Willow would cover for me and then expect a very
juicy story from me at a later time.”

“And what would you tell her?” Spike asked with a grin.

“That I went home with an incredibly hot man and couldn’t resist his
advances to manipulate me,” she replied with a grin of her own.

Spike’s hands drifted over the soft material of her dress as he slowly
backed her toward the bedroom.

“What excuse did you tell your friend?” she asked, tilting her head to give
him better access to her neck.

“That I had a very special woman coming over and everything had to be
perfect…and to make himself scarce before I got home.”

“And he just readily agreed?” Buffy asked in a breathy voice as Spike
managed to unhook her dress, letting it fall to the floor.

“Well, I had to pay him a lot of…”

Spike trailed off as he got a good look at the woman in front of him. Clad
only in a pair of lace panties, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever
seen. “You’re exquisite,” he said in a hoarse whisper as Buffy took her
hair down, letting the curls spill around her shoulders. He took a step
forward, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked. “The most beautiful sight I’ve
ever seen,” he said, letting his shirt fall to the floor.

Buffy let her hands trail over the muscles of his chest, her face glowing from the compliments. “I was just
thinking the same thing,” she said with a soft smile.

“I meant what I said, Buffy,” he whispered. “We don’t have to do this tonight.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, her hands never stopping their movements. “But what can I say?” she said with a smile and a shrug. “You’re my weakness.”

”I know the feeling,” he whispered, tilting her chin up to him, meeting her lips in a gentle kiss that
slowly escalated in passion. Buffy’s hands began working on his belt,
finally loosening it as Spike sat on the bed, removing the rest of his
clothes.

Buffy smiled as he pulled her onto his lap, his hands running along her back
as she mussed his hair. Spike raised an eyebrow. “Like the curls, do you?”
he asked with a smile. Buffy nodded as his lips captured hers again. “I’ll
remember that,” he whispered against her lips before turning and letting
her fall to the bed. She eagerly began moving, wanting to feel all of him
as he moved up her body. “We have all night, pet,” Spike said softly. “No
need to rush.”

Slowly easing her panties down her legs, Spike tossed them over his
shoulder, earning a giggle from Buffy as he parted her thighs, settling
himself between them. She bit her lip in anticipation, feeling a shock run
through her body when his tongue dipped inside of her. Buffy’s hands
immediately went to his hair, holding him to her as he continued to lavish
attention on her aching body.

Buffy felt her breathing escalate as Spike’s tongue swept over her clit,
before latching on and adding more pressure. Unable to stand it anymore,
she gave his hair a jerk, causing him to look at her in confusion.

“I need more,” she whispered desperately. “I need you inside me.”

Spike eagerly made his way up her body, burying himself inside of her with
one sharp thrust that sent Buffy into an instantaneous orgasm. He clenched
his teeth together, trying to hold off his own climax as her internal
muscles squeezed and fluttered around him.

Buffy gasped for breath as Spike began moving. “Nothing ever feels this
right,” she whispered as his eyes squeezed shut.

“I know,” he murmured, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss escalated with
his thrusting until Buffy’s hips were raising off the bed to meet his.
“God, how can you feel this good?” he groaned as his lips broke away from
hers. “You’re incredible.”

Buffy moaned as their hips rocked together. It felt like they’d been joined
for an eternity. On the other hand, it felt like only mere seconds. She
could feel the clenching in her stomach, signaling her impending release as
he grinded his body against hers.

Spike felt her nails begin to dig into his back and let a brief smile flash
on his face, loving that she was able to lose control with him. Loving the fact that he
was the only one that she would let inside of her heavenly body. That no one else could touch her. She was his.

“Spike!” Buffy screamed, arching her back as stars burst in front of her
eyes.

“Buffy,” he gasped, burying his face in her neck and letting his teeth graze
over the skin as he nearly exploded inside of her. Buffy shook violently as she slowly came down. “You okay,
luv?” he asked in a hoarse voice as he rolled onto his side, still
intimately joined as he tenderly caressed her face.

“Better than ever,” Buffy replied in a whisper, fighting to keep her eyes
open. Spike pulled her closer, letting her bury her head in his chest as he
closed his eyes in contentment.

“Get some rest, baby.”

* * * * *

Spike woke up early the next morning with aching muscles. He briefly
wondered what he had done the night before when he realized that Buffy was
curled in his arms. ‘Oh right,’ Spike thought with a soft smile. ‘She’s
what I did last night…several times.’

Spike sighed, briefly wondering how long this could last. He decided he
wasn’t going to worry about it right now. The time would come when he’d
have an answer to that question, but now he just wanted to be happy.
Leaving a gentle kiss on Buffy’s forehead, Spike closed his eyes, enjoying the wonderful feeling of her in his arms as she snuggled closer to him.

‘Besides,’ Spike thought, seconds before he drifted off to sleep. ‘Who says it can’t last?’

He knew there was about a million answers to that question, but he was asleep too fast to think of them.





A/N Special thanks to demon424 and Rana for the inspiration with the ‘foot-in-mouth’ line. Thank you to everyone who reviewed.

A/N I found out yesterday that I won Best Fantasy Author at the Spuffy Awards! I wanted to tell everyone thank you, because without so many loyal readers and reviewers I never would have kept posting my work and you’re the reason I was giddy all day yesterday…okay, and today, too :-)





Chapter 13


Spike walked through the hallway on his way to the cafeteria a week later.
He smiled when he saw Buffy walk into the library, busying himself for a few
moments before following her.

“Mr. Bradley,” Rupert Giles said with a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m looking for some books on the Boxer Rebellion,” Spike said off the top
of his head.

“Back in the stacks,” Giles said. “Second row from the back. Would you like
me to show you?”

“No thanks, I’ll find them,” Spike replied, already heading to the very back
of the library.

He looked up and down each aisle, searching for Buffy as he approached the
back. He smiled when he saw her disappear around a corner, never having
seen him. Spike hurried to the following row, waiting around the corner and
grabbing her when she walked around.

Buffy gasped seconds before Spike’s lips crashed down on hers. She realized
who it was the moment his lips touched hers, letting her arms wrap around
his neck as his tongue stroked against hers.

Both were breathing heavily as they pulled apart. “Spike, what are you
doing?” Buffy whispered, looking around.

“I thought that was obvious,” Spike said with a grin, pulling her closer to
enjoy the feel of her body against his.

“What about Giles?” she asked softly, closing her eyes as his lips trailed
along her neck.

“He’s fine,” Spike said, letting his tongue sweep along her pulse point,
smiling as Buffy trembled in his arms. “But I shouldn’t stay very long.”

“Just some stolen kisses?” Buffy asked with a smile as Spike pulled back to
look at her.

“That’s about right,” Spike said with his own smirk before his lips met hers
in a passionate kiss.

Buffy pulled back after a moment. “Can I come over tonight?” she whispered
hesitantly.

Spike’s eyes lit up at the request. “Of course you can, sweetheart,” he
said softly. “Are you sure you can get away?”

“Mom’s going out of town on some art-buying excursion. She’ll be back on
Sunday.”

“So I get the whole weekend with my girl?” Spike asked with a smile.

“If that’s me, then you do,” she said quietly.

Spike brushed a kiss across her forehead as Buffy’s eyes closed at the
tenderness of the moment. “You know that’s you,” he whispered, trailing his
hand along her cheek. “I better go before Giles comes to check on me.
Come by whenever you can, okay?”

Buffy nodded as Spike gently took her chin in his hand, tilting her head up
to brush his lips across hers. She watched as he turned around and walked
through the stacks.

Spike found three books on the Boxer Rebellion and selected two before
making his way back to the front of the library.

“Did you find everything you needed?” Giles asked as he scanned the books.

“It took me a while, but I finally found them,” Spike lied with a sheepish
smile.

“Did you see Buffy back there?”

Spike raised his eyes to encounter the older man. ‘What’s he asking?’

“Um…I saw someone, but I didn’t pay attention to who it was,” Spike replied,
hating the hesitancy in his voice.

“Yes,” Giles said softly, studying the man in front of him. “Well…enjoy
your books.”

“I’ll do that.”

Spike took the books, walking out into the hallway with a distant
expression. ‘Does he know anything?’

* * * * *

Buffy slipped inside Spike’s house later that night. He’d left the back
door open for her, in case any neighbors were being particularly
inquisitive. She frowned when she saw him sitting in the darkened living
room, a bottle of vodka in his hand.

Buffy could barely make out his form sitting in the chair as she walked
toward his silhouette. “Spike?” she asked tentatively. He’d been unusually
quiet in class today, and Buffy was beginning to get nervous.

“Spike, what’s wrong?” Buffy asked, setting her bag down and walking toward
him.

“Go home, Buffy,” he said in a slurred voice.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Spike practically growled. “Get out.”

“Spike, what happened?” Buffy asked, feeling her heart pounding in her
chest as she took a hesitant step forward.

“We’re getting sloppy,” Spike said, standing up and taking a huge swallow of
the hard liquor. “This can’t continue.”

Buffy felt tears burning her eyes as she looked at him. “Do you really mean
that?” she whispered.

Spike looked away, not wanting to see the pain in her eyes as he nodded.

Buffy swallowed her tears as she backed away. “Fine,” she replied, grabbing
her bag. “I’ll see you around.”

Spike closed his eyes when he heard the door slam behind her. Taking a deep
breath and clenching his jaw, he turned and smashed the bottle against the
wall.

* * * * *

Buffy lay in her bed later that night with tears streaming down her face.
Her sobs hadn’t stopped since she walked through the door hours ago. She
jumped when she heard the loud knocking on the door, not bothering to dry
her eyes as she walked down the stairs. Buffy was surprised when she saw
Spike standing on her front porch, his bloodshot eyes taking in her
appearance. She immediately wrapped her arms around her body, retreating into herself.

“Baby,” he whispered, walking into the house and closing the door behind
him. “I’m sorry.”

Buffy watched him as her tears continued to fall. “For what?” she said softly,
not wanting to believe that he was really wanting her back.

“I got scared…I thought…”

Spike trailed off, unable to follow his thoughts that were racing through his head.

“Well, thanks for clearing that up,” Buffy said with a cold voice as she
stared at him, tightening her arms around her body. “You’ve made it pretty clear.”

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave,” he whispered. “We’re going to have to
be more careful.”

“That’s if I decide I even want to continue this,” Buffy replied, crossing
her arms over her chest.

“I deserve that,” Spike said, looking away from her.

Spike jumped when he found Buffy sobbing in his arms, her face pressed against his chest,
his arms immediately closing around her. “You can’t keep doing this to me, Spike,” she whispered,
her tears being absorbed by his shirt. “It hurts too much.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, running his fingers through her hair. “I
shouldn’t have gotten drunk tonight.”

Spike knew it was a flimsy excuse. After all, the real problem was still
boiling below the surface, but he could ignore it…for now.

“Will you hold me?” she asked softly, pulling him gently up the stairs.

Spike nodded as they walked into her room. He watched as Buffy curled up on
her bed, her eyes wide as he took off his shirt before lying down next to
her, smiling softly when Buffy curled into him. It felt as if she was trying to burrow into his body, seeking comfort.

Both soon fell asleep, exhaustion taking precedence as they took reassurance in
each other.

Chapter 14


Buffy gasped for air as Spike rolled away from her. Both lay still for
several moments before she propped herself up on her elbows, looking around.

“We missed the bed again,” she said with a smile as Spike looked over at his
bed with a chuckle.

“Lucky for the bed.”

Buffy giggled as she curled up next to him, relaxing when Spike’s arm
wrapped around her shoulders, stroking her skin.

Spike brushed his lips along the top of her head. “Christmas is coming up,”
he said softly.

“I’m aware of that,” Buffy said with a smile, propping her head up to look
at him. “Considering I’m out of school and everything.”

Spike tickled her, enjoying the giggle that came from her as she squirmed in
his arms. He gently pushed the hair away from her face, looking into her
emerald eyes as he smiled. “Will I get to see you?” he asked softly.

“I hope so,” Buffy replied, her gaze traveling from his eyes to his chest as
her hands traced erratic patterns on his skin. “My dad’s supposed to take
me out to dinner on Christmas Eve…I can probably come by after.”

Spike tilted his head as he looked at her. “Have you seen your dad since he
moved out?”

Buffy shook her head slowly. “A phone call once a week…that’s it.”

Spike’s brow furrowed as he looked at her. “You okay, luv?”

“Fine!” Buffy said with a bright smile as she stood up. Spike admired her
naked form for a moment before realizing what she was doing. Jumping up
from the floor, his arms went around her waist, pulling her against his
body.

“It’s okay if you’re not ‘fine’, baby,” he whispered, gently kissing the
side of her head as he held onto her.

Buffy sighed, leaning into his embrace. “I just miss him sometimes,” she
murmured, biting her lip.

“I know,” he said softly, tightening his hold on her. “I’m sure he misses
you, too.”

* * * * *

Spike tilted his glass of scotch to his lips, savoring the way it glided
down his throat, when he heard a soft knock on the door. He glanced around
the house, satisfied that everything was in place. It was Christmas Eve, and
he’d built a fire in the fireplace and turned on the tiny lights on the
tree, letting them be the only things that lit the room, giving it a
romantic glow. Spike smiled when he went to answer the door, his smile soon
fading when he saw Buffy standing in front of him with red eyes, fresh tears
threatening to spill over.

Spike quickly pulled her into the house, wrapping his arms around her as she
cried into his chest. “What’s wrong, luv?” he asked softly, letting his
hands soothingly run through her hair.

“He didn’t show up,” Buffy said in a choked voice as Spike pulled back to
cup her face in his hands.

“He didn’t…”

Buffy sniffled as she blinked back more tears. “He didn’t even call,” she
whispered, biting her lip.

“I’m sorry,” Spike said softly.

Buffy shrugged as she took off her coat. “I don’t know why I’m
surprised…it’s not like he ever made an effort when he was living in the
same house. Why would I think he would want to see me after he moved out?”

“Buffy-“

Spike was silenced as her lips gently caressed his as her hands worked on
his shirt. Sliding it from his shoulders, Spike watched her carefully.

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” he said softly before she placed a
finger on his lips, silencing him.

“Make love to me, Spike,” she whispered, bringing his hands to her body. “I
want to forget about tonight…I just want to be with you.”

Spike gently kissed her while his hands unzipped her dress, letting the
fabric fall to the floor as Buffy removed the rest of his clothes. Spike
picked her up, carrying her into the living room and laying her on the rug
in front of the fireplace.

Buffy eagerly pulled him on top of her, her breathing speeding up as he
slowly slid into her. Spike’s lips met hers in a tender kiss as he began
moving with long strokes, pulling completely out of her before pushing back
in.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as he buried himself inside her again and
again. Their eyes stayed connected as Buffy’s hips lifted off the floor to
meet his thrusts. She tried to convey all of her emotions as they moved
together.

‘I love you,’ she thought, fresh tears glistening in her eyes. ‘I love you
so much, and I don’t know how to tell you. I don’t know how you’ll react.’

Spike wiped her tears away, kissing her again as he grinded his hips against
hers. The kiss intensified as their movements sped up. Buffy could feel
her muscles begging for release, her hands drifting to his hair and tugging
on it gently.

Spike moved faster, knowing she was seeking out her climax. He plunged into
her, barely able to control himself when her muscles tightened around him.

“Spike,” Buffy said in a breathy voice as she clung to him, her muscles
clenching and unclenching around him as her back arched. Spike held her
body to his, her climax triggering his own as he pulsed deep inside of her.

Buffy felt her body tingling as he gasped for breath, staring into her eyes.
Slowly, he left a soft kiss on her lips. Buffy kissed him back with equal
tenderness, trying to convey all of her emotions to him through the simple
gesture.

After a few minutes, Spike pulled away, smiling at the whimper that he heard
when he separated himself from her. “You ready for your Christmas present,
luv?”

“I thought that was it,” Buffy replied with a coy smile.

“That was the first one,” Spike said with his own smile as he stood up and
grabbed a box from under the tree.

“Can you bring me my coat?” Buffy asked.

Spike frowned but walked over and grabbed her coat. “Are you cold?” he
asked in concern.

Buffy took it from him while shaking her head. “Not with the fire,” she
said with a smile as she reached into the pocket, pulling out a box of her
own and handing it to him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Spike said softly, sitting down next to her
and giving her the other small box.

“Yes, I did,” Buffy replied, giving him a soft kiss before turning to her
gift. Tearing away the paper and opening the box, Buffy gasped when she saw
the ring. It wasn’t an engagement ring- she probably would have passed out
if it had been. It was a beautiful white gold band, inlaid with tiny
diamonds all the way around.

‘It’s an eternity band,’ Buffy thought, looking at Spike in shock. ‘Does he
know what it is, or did he just like it?’

“I thought it would look good on you,” Spike said, giving her a soft kiss.

‘That answers that question.’

“It’s beautiful,” Buffy murmured, slipping it onto her right hand, not
wanting him to think she got the wrong impression from the ring. “You
really shouldn’t have gotten something so extravagant.”

“You either,” Spike replied, looking at the expensive watch that he was
holding.

“You’re worth it,” Buffy said with a smile as Spike kissed her again. She
slowly pulled away, looking at the ring again.

“I wanted to give you something special,” Spike said softly, wrapping his
arms around her and pulling her onto his lap. “I wanted to show you how
special you are to me,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

Buffy closed her eyes, leaning into his body, wanting desperately to tell
him how much she loved him but knowing that now wouldn’t be the right time.
Tonight was a night to enjoy being together, not to bring up topics that
could have an unexpected outcome.

Chapter 15


Buffy quietly slipped into Spike’s classroom after school, giving him a soft
smile when he looked up at her.

“I thought you were going home,” he said softly as he approached her,
wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I missed you,” Buffy whispered, her fingers trailing along his chest.

It had been two weeks since they’d last seen each other. Buffy’s dad had,
apparently, wanted to make it up to his daughter for standing her up on
Christmas Eve and taken her to Los Angeles for New Year’s. Little did he
know that Buffy felt as if she was being held hostage, not being able to see
Spike again until school started. It had been torture trying to sit through
his class when all she wanted to do was have his hands on her.

“I figured we could have a tutoring session,” she said with a grin, reaching
for his belt.

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” Spike replied with a smirk as he
unzipped her pants.

“It better be the best idea you’ve heard since you last saw me,” Buffy said
with a raised eyebrow.

Spike chuckled as she gave him a small pout. “You’re my girl, you know
that.”

“I do?” she asked softly, obviously insecure with his feelings.

Spike leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers in a tender kiss. “You
should know,” he whispered. “Have I not shown you that it’s only you?”

Buffy smiled, pulling him to her for a more passionate kiss as they backed
up to his desk. “I thought we weren’t going to do this here,” he whispered
against her lips.

Buffy slipped her pants and thong down her legs, never breaking eye contact
with him. “That was before I was forced to leave for two whole weeks,” she
said with a smile.

Spike felt his breath seize in his throat as she turned around, bracing her
hands on the desk and giving him a seductive look over her shoulder. He
knew they shouldn’t be doing this in his classroom, it was too risky, but
stopping was the furthest thing from his mind at this point.

Spike quickly unzipped his pants, letting his hard cock spring out before
grabbing her hips. Buffy pushed against him, aching for his touch after
their time apart. He slid into her in one thrust, burying himself within
her body as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him as
she adjusted to his size.

“I’ve missed you, baby,” he whispered, pulling out completely before
plunging into her with a force. Buffy cried out in pleasure as Spike’s hand
covered her mouth. Never stopping his movements, Buffy moaned, pushing
against him.

“You have to be quiet,” he said softly, his eyes rolling shut as she grinded
herself against him.

Spike’s hand abandoned her mouth as he pushed into her. Buffy straightened
until her back was against his strong chest. She gasped for air as Spike
tried to control his movements, but to no avail.

“You’re so wet, luv,” he whispered, kissing the back of her neck.

“For you,” Buffy moaned. “Only for you.”

Spike nearly lost control, pumping into her, his hands biting into her hips
in a crushing hold.

“Harder,” Buffy gasped.

Spike squeezed his eyes shut but obeyed her request, ramming into her with
so much strength he was starting to get scared that he was hurting her. If
Buffy’s soft moans of pleasure were any indication, he wasn’t, but he was
still careful.

“Come for me, pet,” he said in a husky whisper, trailing kisses along her
neck, his hand reaching around to stimulate her clit. Buffy’s eyes flew
open, her hand pressing against his, holding him to her.

“I need more,” she whimpered, her voice filled with uncertainty.

Spike paused for the briefest of seconds before letting his teeth graze over her exposed neck. Buffy gasped, tilting her head and letting her hair fall away from her neck, to give him better access. Spike didn’t hesitate at the obvious invitation, biting down on the tender flesh, hard enough to leave his mark on her.

Buffy’s body began to shake with her orgasm, her inner muscles clamping down on him with surprising strength, sending Spike into his own climax. Both nearly collapsed on the desk as the pleasure washed over them. Spike’s
hands slowly loosened their hold from her body. Their breathing evened out as Spike kissed her shoulder, nuzzling the fresh mark on her skin and feeling a strange sense of pride.

Slowly pulling out of her, Spike straightened, zipping his pants while Buffy
straightened her clothes. Both froze when they heard a faint knock on the
door.

Spike felt his breath quicken again, only this time in fear. Slowly
approaching the door, he opened it to reveal Rupert Giles.

“Mr. Giles…what can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you have a moment…”

Spike tilted his head slightly as Giles trailed off, looking over Spike’s shoulder.

“If I’m interrupting something…”

Spike felt his heart nearly stop in his chest, an array of thoughts flying
through his brain as he turned around to face Buffy. He breathed a sigh of
relief when he saw her sitting at one of the desks, her history book and
notes scattered around her. ‘Good girl,’ he thought, his shoulders nearly
sagging with gratitude when he noticed her hair was now covering her neck.

“No,” Spike said, turning back to Giles. “We were just finishing up. Why
don’t we talk in the hall?” Spike turned to Buffy, giving her a small smile
when she looked up at him. “Miss Summers, why don’t you get your things
together. I’ll talk to you later.”

Buffy nodded like a good little student as Spike walked into the hallway,
closing the door behind him.

“Mr. Bradley, I need to speak to you privately. It’s a matter of some
importance.”

Spike felt his second mini heart attack course through him. “So talk.”

“I can’t discuss it here. Perhaps when you finish up with Miss Summers.”

Spike nodded, his brow furrowed as Giles turned around, walking away from
him. He quickly turned, making his way back into the classroom, where Buffy
was standing with her bag.

“What happened?”

“He wants to talk to me later.”

“Oh,” Buffy said with a small smile. “That’s good then, right?” she asked,
wrapping her arms around his waist.

Spike pushed her away. “No, it’s not ‘good’,” he replied. “In fact, when a
teacher doesn’t want to discuss something in the hallway, it’s very, very bad.”

“Spike, you’re overreacting, he probably just needs your help with
something.”

“And if I’m not wrong?” Spike challenged. “What if he suspects something,
Buffy? I could get fired. Fuck, I could go to jail!”

“You’re not going to get fired and you’re not going to go to jail,” Buffy
replied, trying to calm him down. “I’m eighteen in a few days, and
everything will be fine.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Spike asked, his eyes flashing. “This is
illegal, Buffy!”

“And it has been since it started in September,” Buffy replied, crossing her
arms over her chest. “It’s different, Spike. We’re not doing something
because it’s ‘illegal’. It doesn’t apply to us. It’s not the same.”

“Buffy, grow up!” he spat back, realizing his mistake.

Buffy tightened her jaw as she fought the emotions going through her.
“Fine,” she said softly as Spike closed his eyes, inwardly cursing himself for his
thoughtless remark. Buffy grabbed her backpack off the ground, walking
toward the door when she felt Spike’s hand on her arm.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I think you did.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m just stressed out and I didn’t mean to take it
out on you.” Buffy finally turned to look at him as he continued. “Will
you come over tonight?” he asked with a pleading quality in his voice.

“Are you sure you want me to?” she asked softly, deciding to forgive him for his foot-in-mouth moment.

“I am.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

Chapter 16


Spike paced around his living room, desperately wanting to get drunk. Now
wasn’t the time. Buffy was coming over, but Spike’s thoughts were on Giles.
The older man’s words were haunting him.

*There have been some inquiries about your relationship with Miss
Summers…people are starting to suspect something.*

Spike shut his eyes, feeling his stomach churn as he remembered telling
Giles that there was nothing to suspect. Giles had then told him the two
words that shook the very foundation of everything that he lived with.

*I know.*

The tone had implied that he wasn’t agreeing with what Spike had said.
Giles knew exactly what was going on but was kind enough to give Spike the
benefit of the doubt and let him have fair warning that other people were catching on.

*Miss Summers is a strong-minded individual. I know that she would never
let herself be taken advantage of. However, I feel compelled to warn you
that some teachers are alarmed and they are prepared to take their concerns
to Principal Snyder.*

“Bugger it,” Spike growled, grabbing a bottle of whiskey off his bar and
taking several long swallows. He knew what he had to do. He just didn’t
know if he could do it.

“Spike?”

Spike turned and felt his heart tighten when he saw Buffy standing in his
living room with a concerned look on her face.

“Is something wrong?”

Spike crossed the room in three long strides, taking Buffy in his arms and
crushing his mouth to hers. She gasped but quickly adapted to his
advances, wrapping her arms around his neck and parting her lips.

Spike gently picked her up, never separating his lips from hers as he
carried her to the bedroom. He couldn’t do this if he didn’t get to say
good-bye- physically. He needed one more time being inside her. One more
moment of her breathy voice, whispering to him. One last memory of
completion before it was ripped away from him forever.

Buffy helped him as he slowly stripped both of them of their clothes. He
took a step back, admiring her naked body while easing her toward the bed.
Buffy smiled when he crawled the length of her body, resting his hips
against hers while his lips met hers in a tender kiss.

Buffy gasped when she felt him enter her. Spike let his head fall to her
shoulder, trying to suppress the tears in his eyes when he began thrusting
with her. Their bodies moved fluidly as one.

“Spike, are you okay?” Buffy whispered, breathing heavily as he grinded his
hips against hers.

“Right now?” Spike asked, pulling back to look at her. “This
minute…everything’s the way it should be.”

Buffy smiled at the sentiment, brushing a tender kiss to his lips as his
thrusts became stronger. Her breathing escalated once again, her hands
clutching at his back, letting her nails drag along his skin.

“Spike,” she whispered, her eyes shut as she lifted her hips to meet his.
“I need to come.”

Spike was barely able to stop the tears that came to his eyes, knowing that their
time together was almost over. Her muscles tightened around him, seconds
before stars burst in front of her eyes. Spike held her trembling body to
his as she screamed his name. His movements never stopped, even as he
emptied himself in her welcoming body.

Buffy knew something was different, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.
She didn’t have time to think about it as a second, more powerful orgasm
exploded through her body. She gasped for breath as Spike’s movements
slowed to a stop. His lips sought out hers in a desperate kiss, his hand
reaching up to run through her silky hair.

The couple lay together for several minutes, Buffy enjoying the warmth and
comfort he provided, Spike fighting back his emotions.

Buffy sat up after a moment, searching for her clothes.

“What are you doing, luv?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered, turning back to him and leaving a gentle
kiss on his lips before getting dressed. Spike felt his throat close up at
the endearment. “I need to get home. I have a lot of homework to do…most of
it for your class,” she added with a smile as she put her shoes on and
smoothed her hair. “And my mom wants to see me, I think she missed me or…”

Buffy trailed off, her smile fading when she noticed Spike wasn’t
smiling. He simply got up and pulled his jeans on before pacing the room.

Then it suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks: Giles saying he needed to
talk to Spike. Spike drinking from the bottle of whiskey when she showed
up. The different feeling she had when they were making love…it felt like
good-bye.

“Spike,” she whispered, fighting the urge to sit down. “What’s going on?”

Spike didn’t say anything as he set his gaze on the far wall, his eyes unfocused and glassy.

“Does this have something to do with what Giles said to you earlier?”

Buffy was soon becoming frustrated that he wasn’t even looking at her.

“Was that good-bye?”

Spike’s eyes snapped to hers, giving her the answer she dreaded.

Buffy felt her body begin to shake as she backed away from him. “Oh my
God,” she whispered, her eyes becoming unfocused as Spike followed her into
the hall.

“Giles knows,” he said softly, battling his tears. “Other teachers are
suspecting something…they’re about to go to Snyder.”

“So we’ll be more careful,” Buffy said desperately, fisting her hands in his
shirt. “We’ll do better.”

“We can’t,” Spike said in a choked voice as he shook his head, his heart aching. “There’s too
much at risk…your future, my job, not to mention jail time.”

“But…but you needed me…”

“I’ll always need you,” he whispered, letting his tears fall before giving
her a tender kiss. “I’m sorry I got you into this.”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “Don’t say that, this doesn’t have to
be over, Spike. Please don’t say that after everything…”

Spike swallowed hard as Buffy began sobbing. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing.

“It has to be,” he whispered, running his hands along her arms in a soothing gesture that obviously wasn’t having any affect. “I’ll take you home, okay?”

“I don’t want to go home,” she said softly, breaking away from him and walking toward the door. “And I
don’t want you taking me anywhere…I’ll walk.”

“Buffy-“

“No! I don’t get a choice in anything you do, so you don’t get a choice in
what I do.”

Buffy’s strength soon faded as her emotions took over again.

Spike turned away, standing in the doorway of his bedroom, not wanting to
see her walk through that door.

“So that’s it?” she asked, her heart breaking. “It’s over? I give you
everything I have and…and it’s still not enough.”

Spike longed to take her in his arms. To erase this moment forever. To
assure her that it was enough, that it would always be enough…but he
couldn’t.

“You’re willing to throw away what we have just because…”

Buffy trailed off with a nod, her mind turning over every possibility. She had
to tell him, she couldn’t walk out of his life without him not knowing.
‘What have you got to lose, Buffy?’ she asked herself.

“Spike…I love you.”

Spike’s hand gripped the doorframe to support himself. The pressure under his hand was so strong, he was mildly surprised that it didn’t crack with the force. “No, you don’t,” he replied through gritted teeth, needing to stay strong. Needing her to be able to move on with a clean slate, even if that was the last thing he
wanted.

“You think I haven’t tried not to?” Buffy asked, tears streaming down her
face.

Spike turned to face her, his heart breaking at the anguish he was causing
her. “Try harder,” he said in a choked voice.

‘What have you got to lose, Buffy?’ she asked herself again. ‘Everything.’

Buffy turned and walked through the door not bothering to close it behind
her.

Spike watched her turn and walk away…walk out of his life. There was no
going back. There was no changing it. She was gone. Spike quietly shut
the door, walked down the hall and into the bathroom before spending the
next half hour emptying his stomach.

Chapter 17


Buffy walked into her history class with trepidation. She had talked her
mother into letting her skip the rest of the previous week, saying she was
sick. It wasn’t far from the truth. Now she had to face up to a part of
her life and try to put it behind her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to
accomplish that in one day, but she had the rest of the school year to come
to terms with her feelings. Unfortunately.

Buffy walked through the doorway, feeling Spike’s eyes on her immediately.
She avoided him as she sat down in her usual seat, turning and making
pleasant conversation with Willow until the bell rang. She could see the
look on Willow’s face and knew that her friend was getting worried about
her.

Spike began class, but Buffy could tell his mind was elsewhere. She turned
her eyes away every time he looked in her direction, pretending to be taking
notes. Spike lectured for half an hour before announcing that they would
get some free time before the bell rang. Buffy watched as he grabbed a
stack of papers from his desk and began to hand them back to the students.
She unconsciously shied away from him when he passed her, a move that
did not go unnoticed by Spike as he placed a paper facedown on her desk, and
he felt his stomach tighten at the simple act.

Buffy looked at the piece of paper and felt herself go pale at the note
written in pencil.

‘We need to talk.’

‘I can’t,’ Buffy thought, trying to ward off a panic attack. ‘I’m doing
well by just being here. He can’t expect me to talk to him after…’

She could see him watching her as the bell rang. Gathering her strength as
she stood up, she gave Spike a pointed look before crumpling the paper in
her hand. They had nothing to talk about. It had all been said the other
night. She continued to ball it up as she walked by his desk and tossed it
in the trash can, looking away as she followed Willow out of the room.

Spike sighed when the last person walked out, dropping his head into his
hands as the door shut, leaving him in silence.

The last week had been hell for Spike, and he wanted to make sure Buffy was
okay. He had been relieved to see that she was in school that day, but it
did nothing to dissuade his concerns when she ignored him for most of the
day.

He hated himself for what he was putting her through…for what he was putting
himself through, but it couldn’t change anything.

Above all else, Spike was grateful that Giles had enough trust and respect
to come to him instead of immediately going to Snyder. He made a bad
situation more bearable. Spike couldn’t live with himself if his affair
with Buffy had hurt her future in any way. He was prepared to suffer the
consequences for his actions, but he would be damned if he dragged her down
with him.

* * * * *

Buffy sat with Willow a few days later, having a much needed girl’s night
for Buffy’s birthday. Ever since Buffy’s affair with Spike, she felt like
she’d been neglecting her best friend. Willow and Xander had embraced a
tentative relationship since Homecoming, and tonight was the first night the
two girls even got to talk about anything personal in months. It felt good
to relax with some cheesy eighties movies and not have to think about her
Spike-related problems. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

“Okay, Buffy, spill it.”

Buffy turned to Willow, a surprised look on her face. “Spill what?”

“I know you’ve been keeping something from me, and I’ve been playing the good
friend role by not pushing, but you’ve become really withdrawn and depressed
this week, and I want to know why.”

Buffy stared in shock. Should she tell her? It would definitely lift a
very pressing weight from her shoulders and hopefully let the healing
process begin. That’s what Buffy needed. She needed to put distance
between Spike and herself, and who better to help with that than her
trustworthy best friend.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“You know I can,” Willow replied, turning her full attention to her friend.

“I’ve been seeing somebody…at least I was, until recently.”

“Buffy, why didn’t you tell me?” Willow asked softly, her voice full of
concern, wondering what could have happened to cause this big of a change.

“Because it’s kind of…illegal.”

Willow’s eyes widened. “You’re not seeing a drug dealer, are you?” she asked
in a panicked voice.

Buffy had to smile at her friend. “No, Wills. Not that kind of illegal.
He’s…older.”

“Oh,” Willow said with relief before her eyes widened. “Ooooh.”

“Yeah…and that’s not all.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, but I’ll keep it a secret if you
need to talk about it.”

“It’s Mr. Bradley,” Buffy squeaked before burying her head in a pillow.

Willow sat in stunned silence for several long minutes. “Our history
teacher?” she asked quietly, needing it to be confirmed.

Buffy raised her flushed face to look at her friend. “Yeah,” she said
softly before putting on a fake, cheery face. “So, tell me about you and
Xander.”

“Uh uh, no way you’re getting out of this one, missy. You’re going to talk
to me. Now, when did this start?”

“A few months ago, around the start of the school year,” Buffy murmured.
“He…he ended it…a few days ago.”

“That’s why you really weren’t in school? I thought you were sick.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said in a choked voice as her emotions started overwhelming
her.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Buffy shrugged, biting her lip. “I keep hoping it will get better…it
hasn’t.”

Willow wrapped a comforting arm around Buffy’s shoulders. “Did you love
him?”

“I do,” Buffy said as tears streamed down her face. “I love him so much
and…”

Buffy trailed off as she took a deep breath, trying to get the strength to
say what she needed to say. “Willow, I’m pregnant.”

Chapter 18


“Pregnant?” Willow asked in disbelief. “You’re pregnant?”

“I found out this morning,” Buffy said softly. “I…I didn’t know if I should
tell you, but…”

“It’s okay,” Willow said, giving her a hug. “I’ll help you through this.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said with a soft smile.

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I’ll have to,” Buffy murmured. “I don’t know how, but I know I have to.”

“What about your mom? When are you going to tell her?”

“I was kind of thinking I could put off that conversation,” Buffy replied,
picking at the fabric of the couch.

“For how long?”

“Eighteen years,” Buffy said, throwing her head back on one of the pillows.

“Buffy-“

“I know, I know, I have to tell her. Can you do it for me?” she asked with
a hopeful expression.

Willow gave her a gentle smile. “You can do it, Buffy. I’ll be there with
you, if you want me to.”

“That would be great.”

* * * * *

Buffy and Willow talked for several hours. When Joyce Summers walked
through the door, Buffy was almost feeling at ease with the idea of telling
her mother that she was going to be a grandmother. Almost.

“You have to, Buffy,” Willow whispered. “The sooner the better.”

“Why do you have to be the voice of reason?” Buffy pouted.

“Hi, girls!” Joyce said brightly as Buffy walked over to her mother. “Did
you have a good day?”

“Um…no…I really didn’t,” Buffy replied. “I had a really, really bad day
actually.”

“Are you pregnant?” Joyce asked, her face going blank.

Buffy eyes widened before she took a deep breath and nodded. “I am.”

“Oh, honey,” Joyce said as tears began flowing from both of them. She gave
Buffy a crushing hug before pulling back to look at her little girl. “How
many times have we talked about birth control?”

“I know,” Buffy said with a sob. “And I was taking the Pills, but I missed
a few and…I’m sorry. I was so stupid and I know that…I’m so sorry.”

Willow stood back, watching the tender scene. She was proud of Joyce for not
judging her daughter, but then again, she didn’t know who the father was
yet.

“Are you keeping it?” Joyce asked quietly.

Buffy nodded. “I couldn’t…I can’t get rid of it. It’s already a part of
me, even though it’s not even…formed.”

“Okay,” Joyce said, trying to control her tears. “I’m going to help you,
Buffy. What about the father?”

Buffy and Willow took a collective breath. Willow came forward to hold her
friend's hand, wanting to show her all the support that she could.

“Mom, you’re not going to like who the father is,” Buffy said quietly.

“Who is it?”

“Before I tell you, you have to promise me that you won’t freak out and try
to call him or contact him, okay?”

“Okay…I promise not to call him or contact him.”

“Or freak out?”

“I’m reserving that right.”

“It’s William Bradley,” Buffy said softly.

“William Br…oh my God!” Joyce cried, her hand flying up to her mouth. “Your
history teacher? I’m going to report him.”

“Mom, you promised!” Buffy said, her voice taking on a frantic, high-pitched
quality.

“I promised I wouldn’t call him- that doesn’t mean I can’t have him
arrested.”

Willow’s hand tightened its hold on Buffy as the other girl nearly
collapsed in sobs. Buffy crumbled to the floor, fresh tears streaming down
her face.

“Ms. Summers,” Willow said softly. “I know it’s not my place to say
anything, but I don’t think that would be the best solution.”

“Her history teacher took advantage of her- I can’t think of a better
solution than getting him thrown in jail,” Joyce replied, looking around for
the phone.

“Mommy, please don’t do this,” Buffy said in a choked voice. “He didn’t
take advantage of me…I love him.”

Joyce stopped and looked at the two girls. Willow cradled Buffy against her
as they both cried.

“Have you told him?” Joyce asked softly, getting a handle on her sanity
again.

“No,” Buffy said softly. “We had to…it’s over.”

Joyce had no idea how to feel about that. She didn’t want her daughter to
be involved with her history teacher, but she knew how miserable the coming
months would be carrying the child of a man she loved who she couldn’t be
with.

“I told you I’d be here to help you,” Joyce said softly. “And I meant
it.”

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as her mother hugged her. “Thank you,” she
whispered, clutching at her mother as if she was a lifeline. “Thank you so much.”

* * * * *

Buffy stayed after class the next day, waiting for all of the students to
file out. Willow had offered to stay for support, but Buffy knew she had to do this
by herself.

Spike looked up as Buffy nervously approached his desk.

“What do you want, Buffy?” he asked, letting his anger from the previous
afternoon boil to the surface as he looked at the papers he was grading. If
she wanted to ignore him, it could easily go both ways.

“You said you wanted to talk,” Buffy said quietly. “I’m here to talk.”

“So now she wants to talk,” Spike said, looking at the ceiling. “Well, I’m
a little busy now, Miss Summers. Maybe we could do this another time.”

“Spike, please-“

“It’s Mr. Bradley,” Spike replied. He immediately regretted the callous
statement when he saw the pain in her eyes.

“After everything that we’ve been through, it’s back to the formalities,”
Buffy said, mostly to herself, before sighing in defeat. “About what
happened-“

“Look, it had to end,” Spike said with a shrug, not even committing to what
he was telling her. “It was best that it ended when it did, before
something bad happened.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked with a twinge of fear in her voice.

Spike looked around, making sure they were alone before he spoke again.
“Like the consequences that come with having sex,” he said in a low voice.

Buffy swallowed hard as she tried to get control over her raging hormones.
She fought to keep her hand from reflexively grabbing her abdomen. A
maternal instinct that she already possessed when she felt threatened by
something she had no control over. “And that would have been bad?”

“It wouldn’t have been good,” Spike said softly. It sounded convincing to
himself, but why did he not believe it?

“Okay, then,” Buffy said walking toward the door, her eyes flashing with
repressed anger. "I should get going."

“Buffy, I didn’t ask you to stay because of…the past. I actually wanted to
talk about something else.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked, turning around with a bored expression.

“I’m becoming more concerned about your grades.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow as she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. “Like I
give a shit.”

Spike watched in shock as she turned and walked out of the classroom. The
coldness of her voice had surprised him. The distance in the tone, as if
what they experienced together had never been real.

Chapter 19


4 Months Later


Spike drove toward Buffy’s house, his hands clenched on the steering wheel.
His knuckles were turning white with the force that he was gripping it. He
had one thought, and one thought only, and that was- he had to see her. It
probably wasn’t the wisest decision he’d ever made, especially considering
the mood he was in, but he had to confront her.

Spike had only caught glimpses of Buffy over the past few months. The day
after she’d stayed to talk to him, she had rearranged her schedule,
transferring out of his class and ultimately, out of his life. Anytime he
would get close to her, she would turn and run the other way, until finally,
Spike just stopped making the effort. It was better that they weren’t seen
together since he still got looks from some of the other teachers, but he
couldn’t just shut off his feelings.

Spike had tried to subtly get some information out of Willow. He didn’t
know how much she knew about the entire situation, but he knew that girls
often confided in each other, and Willow seemed to be his best option for
finding out anything, but the little redhead clammed up whenever he broached
the subject.

It wasn’t until tonight that Spike was chaperoning the senior prom that
he’d felt his heart nearly stop when he overheard Buffy’s name in a
conversation between some of the gossip queens of Sunnydale High.

*Have you heard why Buffy Summers has practically dropped out?*

*No, what’s the deal with her, anyway? I mean, she’s never in class.*

*Well, rumor has it, she’s pregnant!*

Spike had fought to keep from blacking out at that particular bit of news.
He didn’t know what scared him more- Buffy being pregnant with his child, or
Buffy sleeping around with someone else and getting pregnant with another
man’s child. Both thoughts caused a near-violent reaction for two
completely different reasons.

Pulling in front of her house, Spike rested his head against the steering wheel, trying to figure out how to go about doing this. He knew he had to be very careful and he also knew his temper had a way of getting him into trouble. Spike slowly got out of the car, breathing a sigh of relief that her mother’s car wasn’t in the driveway, thanking any and every higher power that he might get to talk to Buffy alone. He didn’t know if he wanted to see Joyce Summers tonight, in case Buffy had told her about their relationship. At any rate, it would be complicated trying to explain why her former high school history professor was standing at her door on the night of the Sunnydale High senior prom.

Slowly walking up to the door, Spike knocked, taking a step back and shoving
his hands in the pockets of his duster. He felt his stomach tying itself into
knots as he waited.

Buffy opened the door with a shocked look on her face. She self-consciously
crossed her arms over her swollen belly, glad that she was wearing an
oversized sweater that night, but it still didn’t do much to hide her
figure.

“What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t at the prom,” Spike replied before clenching his jaw. ‘Good
one, you ponce. She obviously knows she wasn’t there.’

“It seems I’m not the number one choice for a prom date,” Buffy said,
avoiding his eyes, only serving to fuel the heartache and anger that were battling inside of him.

“Buffy-“

“I’m over it,” she said with a shrug. “The whole ‘Buffy gets one perfect
high school moment’ thing was just a phase I was going through.”

“Can we talk?” he asked softly, gesturing to the house.

Buffy looked up and down the street, seeing her nosy neighbor looking out
her window. Buffy sighed, deciding she shouldn’t take Spike into the house.
Who knows what kind of badness that could lead to- and not just of the
sexual variety. Pulling the door shut as she stepped onto the porch, Spike
seemed entranced as the soft light illuminated her features. “What did you
want to talk about?” she asked in a small voice.

“Is it true?”

Buffy stiffened, not wanting to have this conversation tonight. Tightening
her arms around her body, Buffy spoke. “If you mean, did I get pregnant?
Then yes, it’s true. I would think it would be rather obvious at this
point.”

Spike looked at her stomach, swallowing hard at the sight. It really wasn’t
that obvious, unless someone happened to be as intimately aware of her body
as he was.

“Is it mine?” Spike asked, his eyes never leaving her stomach.

Buffy looked at the ground, holding back tears. “Do you think it’s not?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Then you should probably leave,” Buffy said quietly, her voice holding a surprising amount of resolve, considering the feelings that were churning inside of her.

“Buffy, if it’s mine, why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Buffy replied sarcastically. “How about ‘the
consequences that come with having sex’ speech? Yeah, I’ve had that running
through my head for the last few months.”

“What are you going to do?” Spike asked, his head tilted slightly as he
stared at the woman in front of him.

“I’m going to graduate,” Buffy replied.

“And after that?”

“I have some things planned,” she said vaguely, not wanting to get into with him.

“And you’re not going to tell me?”

“Do you honestly want to know?” Buffy asked in confusion. “You wanted me
out of your life, remember? Gone. Well, guess what, I’m gone now. You
don’t have to deal with me anymore.”

Buffy watched as Spike seemed to be raging with an internal battle.

“Look…if this is the only reason you came over tonight, you should probably go.”

Spike paused for a moment, before turning and walking back to his car. She watched as he drove away, finally letting the silent tears fall as she hugged her body even tighter. The small
swell of her belly that housed her child- their child- was really beginning to show.

Buffy did have things planned. She wasn’t going to waste her life. She
wasn’t going to be another statistic. Her mother always said that things
have a way of working themselves out, and Buffy believed they would. She
just wished she could ignore that nagging part of her brain that made them
want to work out with Spike. He’d just made it perfectly clear that he
wanted no more involvement with her. The Spike she knew would have put up a
fight for anything he wanted. That just cemented her belief that she would
be able to do this alone.

Chapter 20


Buffy sat through the graduation ceremony, feeling extremely insecure. She
felt as if everyone had their eyes on her instead of Mayor Wilkins. Judging
her life, her choices, her protruding stomach.

She now wished she’d talked her mother out of the silly tradition of walking
across a stage to collect a piece of paper. A piece of paper that Buffy would
never even use. Sure, she had to have it for a lot of things in her life,
but all that was necessary was the record of her earning a diploma, not
going through the actual ceremony of receiving it.

Buffy took a deep breath as she stood with her row, moving forward toward
the stage. She impatiently waited her turn, letting her eyes scan the
crowd. She saw her mother with a bright smile, snapping pictures every two
seconds.

Buffy offered her a halfhearted smile, before her eyes traveled to the back of the crowd. She saw the teachers standing behind the rows of parents. Her eyes briefly met with Spike’s and
she could feel her breath catch in her throat before turning away with tears
in her eyes.

* * * * *

Spike watched as Buffy walked across the stage, smiling politely and shaking
hands with the Mayor when he handed her the diploma. He kept a close eye on her
as she carefully descended the stairs, feeling his heart calling to her. In
spite of everything that had happened over the last few months, he felt proud of her.

Spike stood quietly as the ceremony came to a conclusion. He made pleasant
small talk with a few of the parents, watching Buffy out of the corner of
his eyes, always keeping a close eye on her. His attention was drawn to her as she began hugging her mother
and friends, tears in her eyes as she clutched at Willow.

* * * * *

“Mom, I’m going to go.”

“Buffy…already? It’s so early,” Joyce said in a disappointed tone.

“I know, but it will be dark soon, and I just want to get out of here. It’s
all too hard.”

Willow and Xander walked up to Buffy. They had both been so supportive of
her decisions, even though Xander didn’t know who the father was. Willow
had promised not to tell him until they were graduated and she knew that
Xander would be able to take the news without searching out Mr. Bradley.

“Buffy, you’re going?” Willow asked sadly.

Buffy nodded, hugging Xander before turning to her best friend. Both girls
had tears streaming down their faces as they embraced each other.

“You were supposed to room with me,” Willow said sadly, never letting go of
her friend. “The whole first year of college and the adjustments and now…”

“I know,” Buffy said in a choked whisper before slowly pulling away. “I wish it could have worked out that way, but I’ll call you later, okay?”

Willow nodded as Buffy turned to hug her mother.

“You have your cell phone?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly. She pulled away, taking off the cap and gown.
“And I’ll see you in a few weeks, right?” she asked, her voice filled with
insecurity as she handed the items to her mom.

“You won’t be able to keep me away,” Joyce said with a watery smile, clutching the items to her chest.

Buffy smoothed out the wrinkles in her black dress, trying to keep her mind
occupied. “I’m going to go,” she whispered.

Everyone nodded, offering one last hug before Buffy turned and began
walking away. She felt a tingling rush over her skin and looked up to see
Spike watching her from several yards away. She stopped for a moment,
staring into his eyes, memorizing the planes of his face before giving him
a slight nod and walking away.

* * * * * *

Twenty minutes later, Spike’s thoughts were still on Buffy as he said his
good-byes. He needed to talk to her, he knew that, but he was being a
coward. He had to tell her he would be there for her and the baby.

“No time like the present,” he muttered to himself, walking toward his car.

A few minutes later, Spike pulled in front of the Summers house, getting out
of his car with a feeling of trepidation. Taking a deep breath, Spike
knocked on the door, feeling his heart drop into his stomach when Joyce
Summers opened it. Her teary eyes soon turned to anger as she looked at
him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Look, Mrs. Summers, I don’t know if it’s been explained to you-“

“That you got my daughter pregnant and I should have your ass thrown in
jail for statutory rape? Yes, it’s been explained.”

“I see,” Spike said quietly.

“So, I ask again- what are you doing here?”

“I need to see her,” Spike said quietly. “I need to talk to her and
explain-“

“She’s not here.”

“What do you mean she’s not here?” Spike asked, his voice taking on a panicked quality. “Where is she?”

“She doesn’t want you to know.”

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“You’ve made your feelings about my daughter perfectly clear. She wants to
start fresh and she’s gone to do that.”

“She left town?” he asked in shock.

“Yes,” Joyce said quietly.

“But I…”

“I’ll tell her you stopped by,” Joyce said, her tone softening slightly.
“But don’t expect much.”

Spike felt short of breath as he slowly walked back to his car. He’d lost
her.

* * * * *

Buffy sat on the beach, staring out at the waves of the ocean. She’d been
on her way out of town. Her new car, a graduation gift from her father for
missing the ceremony, was all packed and ready to go, but Buffy had stopped,
needing to get her bearings on what she was doing. She needed to say
goodbye to a place that had been her home for so long.

Buffy slowly reached around her neck to unclasp the chain. Letting the
diamond eternity band fall into her hand, she stared at it for a long
moment. The last rays of the sunlight caught the diamonds, making it
sparkle as the sun continued to set.

‘A ring represents the endless devotion of one person to another,’ she
thought sadly. ‘How can endless devotion just…end?’

For a brief moment, Buffy considered throwing the symbol into the ocean.
Wanting the waves to swallow the evidence of their time together…except it
wouldn’t work. The evidence was in her belly. Spike left her with
something more tangible, even though he may not want it. She wanted it.
She needed this baby and that was all that mattered. A simple ring wasn’t
going to erase the past, whether she disposed of it or not. Slipping the ring
back onto the chain, she clasped it around her neck again. Not wanting to
think about why she was keeping it close to her heart.

With a sigh, Buffy watched as the final rays of the sun dipped below the
horizon, putting an end to one day, only to begin another. Buffy took a
deep breath, knowing that the same was true for her. The end of this life
was ending, but what she had to look forward to was a new beginning. One
that she would do everything in her power to make right. Her life was about to begin.

 
 

---

A/N For those of you who wanted to know, the last chapter was supposed to be the end of the story and then it would have been continued in another story. I’ve been going back and forth, but ultimately I didn’t want it to be compared to “Mr. William” (not that I would mind the comparison at all, but I’ve wanted to make sure this one is different). Instead, the story continues, but you can look at this as Part Two. Thanks for the wonderful reviews!

---

 


Chapter 21


TWO YEARS LATER


Buffy pulled into her mother’s driveway, turning off the car and glancing
back at the dozing toddler.

“We’re here, honey,” she said softly, reaching into the backseat and patting
the fat little leg, smiling when sleepy blue eyes greeted her.

“Mama?”

“It’s me, baby,” she whispered, smiling at one of the words in his limited
vocabulary. His favorite word….and Buffy’s favorite word to hear.

“Where is my grandson?”

Buffy climbed out of the car, smiling as her mother ran down the steps and
practically threw herself in the backseat, unfastening the little boy.
Buffy smiled with a roll of her eyes.

“Yes, forget all about your daughter,” she said good-naturedly. “I know
when a baby makes an appearance, the parent ceases to exist.”

Joyce climbed out of the back of the car with her grandson securely in her
arms. “You know that’s not true…entirely.”

Buffy laughed as she grabbed their bags from the trunk.

“I just can’t believe I get you both for more than a week,” Joyce said with
an excited smile.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, although the enthusiasm wasn’t in her voice as they
walked into the house. “Have you…”

“No,” Joyce said quietly. “I haven’t seen him.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “I didn’t really expect anything. I don’t know
what I was thinking.”

“You were thinking about Michael.”

Buffy gave her mother a genuine smile as she looked at her son. He was
slowly waking up and taking in his strange surroundings. He seemed content
as long as his mama and grandma were in the vicinity.

“You should go out, Buffy,” Joyce said with a smile as she put Michael on
the floor. He stayed close to Buffy, clutching at her pants with one tiny
fist, while the other clutched his small toy hippopotamus named ‘Tubby.’ He
didn’t go anywhere without that hippo. “Go see Willow and Xander,” Joyce
continued. “You haven’t seen either of them since they went to visit you at
Christmas.”

“I don’t know. I might go see them tomorrow. I want to make sure Michael
is adjusted before I just take off.”

“Oh, we’ll be fine,” Joyce said in a playful tone as she scooped up her
grandson again. “You’ll have fun with Gamma, won’t you?” she asked,
tickling the little boy’s tummy.

Both women laughed at the giggle that erupted from him.

“Go,” Joyce said with a little push for her daughter. “Xander’s working at
The Pub tonight, and Willow is probably close by.”

“Gee, I just got here and you’re already kicking me out,” Buffy said with a
smile.

“I just want to take my grandson and show him off.”

“Aaah, and the truth comes out,” Buffy said with a laugh. “You want to
kidnap my little boy and parade him around to all of your friends.”

Joyce smiled sheepishly. “Can you blame me? This is the first time you’ve
been home, and all I’ve ever had to show them were pictures.”

Buffy shook her head with a grin before offering her mother the car keys.
“Take my car, since you’ll need the car-seat. I’ll take the Jeep.”

Joyce happily took the keys from her daughter. “Take your time and have fun
with your friends.”

“Okay, thanks, Mom,” Buffy said with a hug. “Bedtime at eight o’clock for
the little one,” she continued, tickling Michael's legs as he squealed and
squirmed around. “Mommy loves you,” she whispered with a gentle kiss to the
top of his head.

* * * * *

Buffy sat in The Pub for over an hour, helping Willow plan her impending
wedding. She and Xander were tying the knot the following week, and Buffy
was the obvious choice for Maid of Honor.

Xander joined in the conversation when he could, but the bar was busier than
normal that night, and he was the only bartender assigned to the shift.

“So when do I get to see your dress?” Buffy asked excitedly when Xander was
out of earshot.

“Soon,” Willow said with an excited hop in her seat. “I have to go for the
final alterations in the morning. You can go with me if you want to.”

“Great!” Buffy said, almost as thrilled as her friend was. “I’m so happy
for both of you,” she said with a soft smile. “You two belong together.”

“Thank you for being here, Buffy,” Willow said, squeezing her friend’s hand.
“It means a lot to me that you would come back to town considering…Spike.”

“It’s okay, Wills-“

“No,” Willow said, frantically shaking her head. “Spike’s here…right now.”

Buffy felt her chest tighten as she turned around, looking at a man she
hadn’t seen in over two years. He wasn’t looking her way, and Buffy took a
long moment to just stare at him. He was standing with another man,
searching the crowded bar for a table. Buffy saw his eyes drifting toward
her and quickly spun around, not wanting him to see her. She felt the
familiar tingle that ran through her body whenever he looked at her but
shrugged it off as Willow gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“Does he come here a lot?” Buffy asked.

“Not much,” Willow replied. “He’s not exactly on Xander’s ‘favorites’ list,
so the two of them tend to stay away from each other, but I have seen him in
here every now and then. Are you okay?” she repeated.

“Yeah,” Buffy said with a soft smile as her mind flashed back to the past.

* * * * *

18 MONTHS AGO


Buffy looked at the tiny baby in her arms, letting the tears stream down her
cheeks as she realized she was part of creating something so beautiful, so
perfect. And the other person responsible for this tiny life deserved to
know about him.

With a deep breath, Buffy lifted the phone off the cradle, next to the
hospital bed, and dialed the number that was still familiar to her after all this time.

“Hello?”

“Spike.”

“Buffy?”

“It’s me,” she said softly. “I just…I just wanted you to know that…I had a
little boy.”

Spike felt himself intake sharply, desperately needing the air to fill his
lungs.

“Spike? Are you there?”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Is everything okay?”

“We’re both fine.”

The silence stretched between them like a wide chasm before Buffy sighed.

“I just thought you should know.”

“I’m…I’m glad you did,” he said, overwhelmed with shock.

Buffy felt her heart break all over again. “Yeah…well, thanks for caring.”

“Buffy, wait-“

But she was already gone.

* * * * *

PRESENT DAY


Buffy took a deep, steadying breath before standing up. “I should probably
get going, Wills. I haven’t spent any time with Mom, but I will definitely
be there the alterations tomorrow morning, bright and early.”

Willow stood up, hugging her friend. “Thank you for being here,” Willow
said with tears in her eyes. “I need my best friend with me.”

“I can’t imagine not being here.”

“Hey, Buff, you taking off?” Xander asked as he wiped down the bar in front
of them.

“Yep, but I’ll see you later,” she replied, leaning across the bar to give
Xander a kiss on the cheek. “Bye, guys,” she said with a wave.

* * * * *

Spike looked up from his conversation with Charles Gunn to see a blonde
woman hugging Willow Rosenburg. Spike hadn’t spoken to Willow very much
since she graduated, but something about their interaction kept his eyes
trained to them. He couldn’t see the woman’s face, but he watched as she
leaned across the bar to kiss the whelp on the cheek.

She gave a friendly wave before turning to the door. Spike felt his breath
catch in his throat. He couldn’t believe his eyes. She had lost at least ten
pounds and her hair was longer and more of a honey blonde, but it was
definitely…

“Buffy,” he murmured, causing Gunn to stop talking and look around.

“That’s her?” Gunn asked as he sat back and watched the woman walk toward
the door. “Damn, she’s fine. Nice choice, my man,” he said with a grin as
he slapped Spike on the back. Spike sat still in stunned silence as Buffy
walked out of the bar. “What are you waiting for?” Gunn asked. “The woman
you’ve been pining after for years just walked away, and you’re not going to
go after her?” he smiled as Spike practically bolted from his seat and ran
from the bar. “That’s what I thought,” Gunn said with a chuckle.

* * * * *

“Buffy!”

Buffy stopped walking, swallowing the lump in her throat as she turned to
face him. “Spike,” she said in casual greeting.

Spike stared at her for a long moment, not believing that it was really her.

“Well, if you’re done staring, I have to get going,” Buffy said, turning
around and walking away.

Spike chased after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. “Listen,
pet, I just wanted to talk to you…to check on you.”

“Check on me?” Buffy asked in disbelief. “It took you long enough. Since
when do you care?”

“You know I care,” Spike said, tightening his hold on her arm as she
attempted to walk by him. “I always have.”

“Just not enough,” Buffy replied with a raised eyebrow.

“Buffy, I was going to lose my job-”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed with a nod. “You lost something else instead.”

“I never meant to…I never wanted to hurt you, luv.”

Buffy laughed in disdain. “Yeah…you never meant to hurt me. It’s too late,
Spike. You’re too late.”

Spike watched as she turned her back on him, walking toward her car. “I
love you,” he said softly.

Buffy stopped at the admission, fighting the tears in her eyes. “No, you
don’t,” she replied with more conviction than she felt.

“You think I haven’t tried not to?” he asked, taking a step closer to her as
Buffy turned around to face him.

“Try harder,” she said, repeating the words he had told her so long ago.

Chapter 22


“So how did it go last night?” Willow asked from the other side of the
curtain that acted as a dressing room. “Considering Spike ran after you
like his hair was on fire.”

Buffy smiled at her choice of words before speaking. “Well, let’s see…the
man who is the father of my child chased after me to confront me in an alley
and confess his love for me but didn’t even mention the child he’s never
seen. So, peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.”

“Well, to be fair, Buffy…it’s like you said, he’s never seen Michael,”
Willow called out. “Not that I’m saying it’s right,” she added as an
afterthought. “It’s just I think you were his first priority.”

“I guess,” Buffy said softly.

“So what are the chances that you two will-“

“Willow, don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Buffy said, pacing around the
dressing area, watching the reflection of three other Buffy’s pace with her
as she walked in front of the mirrors. “You know things are different now.
You can’t just go back to the way things were, and I…I wouldn’t want to.”

“Really?”

“Things are different now,” Buffy repeated in a much softer voice, her resolve cracking.

Willow decided to drop the subject as she opened the curtain. Buffy gasped
at the sight of the redhead. Her hair spilled around her shoulders in soft
curls, the white A-line dress accentuating all of her best features.

“Oh my God, Wills, you look gorgeous!”

“Really?” Willow asked nervously as she walked over to the mirrors to
examine her reflection.

“Yes ‘really’! You look stunning! Xander’s not going to know what hit him.”

“What about my hair?” Willow asked, gathering it up at the base of her neck.
“I was thinking about wearing it up.”

“Don’t you dare,” Buffy said with a smile. “The curls are perfect with that
dress. Oh, I can’t believe in a week you’re going to be married,” she
continued with tears in her eyes. “It’s just too much.”

“Don’t you start crying, Buffy Summers, or I will have to kill you for
making me cry.”

Buffy laughed at her friend, brushing the tears away as the seamstress
walked up. “You look lovely, Miss Rosenburg. Let’s get these final
alterations, and then we’ll see to Miss Summers.”

“Ooh, I haven’t even seen my dress,” Buffy said excitedly. “You don’t have
me in some lovely little radioactive number, do you?” she asked with a
wicked grin.

“No, but now that you mention it, I still think something in green would be good
for your skin tone. You know, they say you’re supposed to make the
bridesmaids look horrible so the focus is on the bride.”

Buffy laughed. “I guarantee the focus will be on you,” she assured her
friend. “I’ll just be the window dressing.”

“You couldn’t be window dressing even if you tried,” Willow said with a
laugh.

“Well then, don’t put me in anything too horrible or I’ll be taking the
focus off you, but not in a good way.”

“Don’t worry,” Willow said with a smile. “You’ll be wearing a tastefully
simple black dress.”

“Sounds good to me,” Buffy said, sitting down in one of the plush chairs and
flipping through a bridal magazine.

Both were quiet for a few minutes until the seamstress walked away to get
some more pins.

“Buffy,” Willow said quietly. “I have a confession to make.”

Buffy put down the magazine, worried from Willow’s quiet tone. “What is it,
Wills?”

“Well, you know how Michael is the ring bearer?”

“Considering he’s my son, yes, Willow, I know that he’s in the wedding,”
Buffy said with a smile. “Even if he is a little young.”

“He’ll be adorable,” Willow said, waving her hand dismissively. “But
actually…I kind of invited Spike.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as her heart rate skyrocketed. “What?”

“Well, his son is in the wedding. I thought it would be the nice thing to
do,” Willow said in a meek voice.

“A son he’s never seen, Wills.”

“Now to be fair-“

“Yes, Willow, I know that I’ve never given him a reason to see him, but
that’s not the point! He hasn’t seen him for the past eighteen months, why
would he care to see him in the wedding?”

“If you want me to uninvite him, I will.”

Buffy took a deep breath, knowing that she was being selfish. “No, don’t do
that. I don’t want you to have to worry about hurting his feelings just
because I’m acting like a teenager.”

“To be fair, you were a teenager just a few months ago,” Willow said with a
smile, giggling when Buffy picked up a discarded veil and threw it at her
friend.

* * * * *

Buffy spotted his car even before she pulled onto Revello. “Perfect,” she
muttered, throwing her car into park and stepping out. Spike got out of
the Desoto, staying where he was.

She stood next to her car for a moment. It was clear that it was up to her
to make the next move. Either go into the house and put the past behind her
for good, or give him the chance to talk to her. With a sigh, she took a few
hesitant steps toward the street, letting him walk the rest of the way.

“Buffy,” he said with a nod of his head.

“Hello, Spike,” she said quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you,” he said softly, looking into her eyes.

“Okay,” she agreed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Where’ve you been?”

“School,” Buffy said softly. “Dad surprisingly pulled some strings and got
me enrolled in Pepperdine.” Spike’s eyes widened as Buffy continued. “I’m
working on my Bachelor’s degree. I’m halfway finished.”

“That’s…that’s wonderful, Buffy.”

Buffy nodded, unable to make eye contact with him as she crossed her arms
over her chest.

“What about money?” Spike asked, guilt lacing his words.

“Another shocker…Mom talked to Dad and he paid for all the prenatal care.”

Spike’s eyes widened. That was the last thing that he’d expected to hear.

“She said that it was the least he could do and he apparently agreed,” Buffy murmured.

Spike hung his head, knowing that it was the least he could do, not Buffy’s father.

“And…the baby?” he asked quietly.

“Michael,” she whispered, finally looking at him. “His name is Michael.”

Spike gave her a gentle smile. “How is he?”

“He’s amazing,” Buffy said with a soft smile, forgetting who she was talking
to while discussing her pride and joy. “The sweetest, most loving little
boy in the world. He’s really smart, knows just how to test people. He’s got my mom
trained to do anything he wants. He knows he can get away with it.”

Spike felt the lump in his throat. “Do you think I could…”

“You want to meet him?”

“If you’re okay with it,” he said softly. “I don’t want to do anything to
upset you.”

Before Buffy could answer, a silver Mercedes pulled in the driveway. Spike
looked at it questioningly as the door swung open, revealing a tall,
dark-haired man in a suit.

“Hey, babe,” he said with a smile to Buffy as he took off his sunglasses. “Sorry I’m late.”

Spike’s brow furrowed as the man approached. He felt as if his heart
shattered when he saw the man take Buffy in his arms and leave a tender kiss
on her lips.

Buffy pulled back with a flushed face.

‘I really didn’t want to go through with this right now,’ Buffy thought to herself. ‘It was going to happen sooner or later, but could he have worse timing? He was supposed to be here this morning.’

“Spike,” she said softly. “This is Angel.”

That was it. No other introduction was needed. Spike understood the role
this man played in her life, and he felt the last remains of hope drift away.

---

A/N Please remember that Buffy has been gone for two years- most people do move on. I'm trying to strive for realism in this story and I hope I'm succeeding. Thank you so much for the supportive reviews!

---

Chapter 23


The two men were locked in a staring contest for several long moments, neither offering to
shake the other’s hand, not wanting to get close enough to touch each other.
Unless it was a violent touch, that is. This thought almost brought a smile to both faces.

“Spike,” Angel finally said, as if he was thinking about the name, even
though he recognized it the second it left Buffy’s lips. “Michael’s…”

“Michael’s dad,” Buffy said softly as Angel’s arm went around her waist in a
possessive hold.

“Michael’s father,” Angel corrected, his eyes clashing with Spike’s.

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“Have you been there from the beginning?” Angel challenged as Spike clenched
his jaw, narrowing his eyes.

“I was there for the conception,” Spike replied in a deadly tone as he took
a step closer to the other man.

“Yeah,” Angel said with a glower. “And guess who’s there now?”

“That’s enough,” Buffy said in a low voice. Both immediately shut up, not
wanting to be on her bad side. “Angel, go inside, I’ll be there in a
minute.”

“Buffy, I don’t think-“

“I said go!” she said forcefully as she pushed Angel away from her.

“Is Michael here?” he asked with a smile that was obviously for Spike’s
benefit.

Buffy sighed, giving him a look. “Yes, he is,” she replied. “Mom was
watching him this morning.”

“Great,” Angel replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek before turning to
Spike. With one final glare, he left Buffy and Spike alone.

Spike took a deep breath, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked up
at the sky. “Well…”

“Now probably wouldn’t be the best time for you to meet Michael,” Buffy said
softly.

“I guess not,” he whispered. “I expected it to go a little better than
this.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Buffy replied. “If you two had to meet, I was kind
of hoping for a more controlled situation.”

“He seems pretty controlling,” he muttered under his breath, but Buffy could hear him anyway.

“Spike, please…”

“Sorry, luv,” he said, avoiding her eyes. “I forgot, it’s not my place to
say anymore.” Both stayed quiet for a minute before he spoke again. “How
long?”

Buffy took a deep breath before speaking. “A year,” she said softly, not
needing to ask him to clarify. “We’ve been together for a year.”

‘Longer than we were together,’ Spike thought with a pain in his heart.

“So you two have…”

Buffy’s breath caught as she looked away, not wanting to hear the rest of
Spike’s question. And she really didn’t want to answer it.

Spike shut his eyes, trying to reign in his emotions. “When can I meet him?”
he asked, wanting to change the subject.

“Can you come by later?” she asked, her tone taking on a hopeful quality.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Whatever time is good for you, I’ll be here.”

“He wakes up from his nap around four. Anytime after that will be fine.”

“And what about Captain Forehead? Will he be here, too?”

“Spike…”

“Simple question, luv.”

“I’ll make sure he’s not,” she said softly.

“Okay,” Spike said with a nod before turning and walking back to his car.
Opening the door, he turned to see Buffy standing in the same place, staring
up at the sky as she seemed to be lost in thought. “Buffy?”

“Yeah?” she replied, snapping out of her daze as she turned her attention
back to him.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

* * * * *

Buffy walked into the house, slamming the door behind her, causing three
heads to turn toward her. She saw Angel and her mother sitting on the couch
in the living room with Michael playing on the floor. Angel caught her eye
as Buffy pointed to him and then the kitchen, disappearing around the corner
with a dangerous look in her eyes.

Angel followed her, leaning against the island as Buffy paced around along
the tile. “What the hell was that?” she finally asked.

“What did you expect me to do, Buffy? The guy just shows up after being Mr.
Absentee Father, and you really didn’t expect me to be nice to him, did you?”

“He didn’t ‘just show up’- he lives in this town, and as much as I don’t want
to defend a lot of his actions, there were reasons that we weren’t together.
I’ve never lied to you, Angel, so don’t start treating me like I’m the
helpless victim. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I moved
away, and I don’t need you playing the role of ‘protector’. I can take care
of myself just fine. I did it for a year before you showed up, so don’t
think that I need a guardian.”

Angel sighed, looking around the room before catching her eye again. He
normally liked it when Buffy got worked up, she was a very passionate
person, but this conversation had the makings of something bad happening
unless he did some damage control. “I’m not going to be nice to him, Buff.
Even if Michael wasn’t involved, he would still be your ex and therefore not
on my ‘getting to know you’ list.”

“You knew when you agreed to come this week that this was a possibility. You can be civil without being nice,” Buffy said, her tone softening as she ran her hands through her hair, her eyes becoming glassy with unshed tears.
“Please,” she whispered. “I’m under enough stress as it is, please don’t
add to it.”

Buffy felt herself wrapped in his arms as she cried into his chest. “This
is why I hate him,” he whispered. “Every time you cry, it’s because of him
in some form or another.”

“Angel, please…”

“If it means that much to you, I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes slowly drying as she pulled away from him, not liking the fact that his touch wasn’t the familiarity she longed for. Taking several deep breaths, she left him standing in the kitchen as
she walked into the living room, saying hello to her mother before settling in to play with her son.

She found her mind drifting to the events of the last twenty-four hours.
The object of most of her thoughts was Spike and the nagging little voice
that kept trying to remind her how happy she used to be with him. For just a few
months, she wanted nothing and she longed to have that again, in some form.

‘When did life get so complicated?’ she asked herself before nearly rolling
her eyes when she realized what a ridiculous question that was. ‘Right
around the time that you started screwing your history teacher.’

Chapter 24


Buffy was frantically trying to get Angel out of the house before Michael woke up from his nap. Or more importantly, before Spike arrived.

“Buffy, if he’s coming over, I want to be here. I think I have the right.”

“Angel, he’s meeting his son for the first time. I don’t think we need to
add to the situation by having my boyfriend here. Now, please just let me
do what I think is best.”

“I’ll give you an hour.”

“Angel! Are you really going to stand there and give me a time limit?” she
asked through clenched teeth.

Angel stared at Buffy as she stood in front of him, seething with anger. He
knew that if he persisted with the conversation, then he would be
overstepping some very serious bounds. Ultimately, he realized it wasn’t
worth it. “Fine,” he muttered, acting like a sullen little boy. “I’ll have
my cell phone on, and I want you to call me the second he leaves.”

Buffy arched an eyebrow in his direction but finally relented. As long as
Angel wasn’t there when Spike arrived, she didn’t care what happened after
Spike left. “Okay,” she agreed. “But I need you to leave now,” she said,
turning to pick up some toys that were scattered on the ground.

“You’re in a rush to get me out of the house,” Angel said skeptically.

Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes as she turned to face him again. “What
exactly are you insinuating, Angel?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms over her
chest as she glared at him.

Angel realized he better do some damage control before things got too out
of hand. Taking a step toward her, he put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m
sorry,” he said softly. “I just get so worried that I’m going to lose you.”

“But you knew,” she said softly. “You knew when we got together that I had
a baby and that Michael had a father.”

“I didn’t know he would be involved, though,” Angel said quietly, trying to
make her see his point of view.

“It was always a possibility. And today, it’s turned into a reality. You’re
going to have to make some decisions if it bothers you too much…if
you think you can’t get past it.”

“I’ll call you later,” he said, leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

Buffy pulled away before he had a chance to deepen it, turning away and
walking with him to the door. “Bye, Angel.”

* * * * *

Twenty minutes later, Buffy was giving Michael his juice cup when she heard
a knock on the door. She let her son follow her to the door, pulling it
open to reveal a very nervous Spike. She had to smile as he nervously paced
back and forth and, she had no doubt, was desperately wishing for a
cigarette.

“Spike,” she said softly, alerting him to her presence.

Spike turned to face her, giving her a tight smile.

“You do know he’s practically a baby, right?” she asked with a gentle smile.
“You don’t have to worry about impressing him. He basically just thinks,
‘oh, a new big person to play with’.”

Spike scratched the back of his neck as he nodded. “Yeah, it’s just…”

He trailed off as he got his first look at a little boy who was a miniature
version of himself. Spike could have sworn that he was looking into his own
eyes at that age, based on his mum’s baby pictures. Kneeling down to his
level, he tilted his head, giving the toddler a soft smile as the boy held
onto his mother’s leg. “Hi, Michael,” Spike whispered, not wanting to
startle him. “You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

Michael responded by holding his arms up in the air to demonstrate how big
he was. Spike smiled, impressed by the simple gesture.

“Yes,” Buffy agreed with a smile. “You’re soooo big.” Turning to face
Spike, she gave him a gentle smile. “Come in, Spike,” Buffy said, moving
out of the way. Michael, still not sure about this new man, stayed
partially hidden as Spike walked into the house.

Buffy turned to pick him up, smiling when he burrowed his face into her
neck. “He’s amazing,” Spike whispered, watching the interaction between
mother and son.

“He’s just being shy right now. Do you want to hold him?” Buffy asked.

“I don’t think he’ll let me.”

“No, he just has to get used to you for a minute. All you have to do is
stand close to him for a few minutes, and as long as he’s not crying, he’ll
reach for you.”

Spike took a step closer, noticing how close he was to Buffy, as well when he
felt his heartbeat pick up at their proximity. Michael slowly lifted his
head, looking at the new man.

“Does he say anything?” Spike asked, his eyes darting between the two.

“A few words,” Buffy replied. “‘Hi’, ‘juice’, ‘baby’, ‘Mama’.”

“What about ‘Daddy’?” Spike asked with trepidation.

“No,” Buffy said softly.

“Not even with Angel?” Spike asked, practically spitting out the name of the
new man in Buffy’s life.

“Angel’s not his father,” she whispered, making sure Spike was looking
directly in her eyes. “He’s Uncle Angel. I made it clear from the beginning
that he wouldn’t be filling the position of Daddy.”

“Just the position of lover,” he muttered under his breath.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Good, more jealous guy crap, that’s exactly what I
was hoping for…”

Buffy trailed off when Michael held out his little arms to his father.
Spike’s eyes widened as he took the little boy from his mother, feeling his
throat close and his eyes water as he held his flesh and blood for the first
time.

Buffy could feel her eyes watering. Biting her bottom lip to try and hold back
her tears, she quickly blinked them away when Spike turned toward her.

“Before I forget, this is for you,” he said, pulling a slip of paper out of his pocket.

Buffy gave him a curious look, unfolding the paper and gasping for breath. “Spike?”

“It’s everything I would have spent on Michael if I’d been there from the beginning,” he said, watching her carefully.

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head and staring at the check. “This is much more than you would have spent. Spike, where did you get this?”

“I’ve been saving since you left,” he said with a shrug, turning his attention back to his son. “It was the least I could do. No arguments. If I’d been able to get to you, you would have had it a lot sooner.”

“Get to me?”

“I wanted to find you,” he murmured. “But I knew if I just showed up before you were ready to see me, it would have done more harm than good.

“You’re probably right,” Buffy whispered with tears in her eyes. “Thank you.”

She was still staring at it the check in shock when the phone began ringing. Turning to answer it, she tried to catch her breath.

“Hello?” she said in a choked voice.

“Hey, baby,” Angel said on the other end.

“Angel? It hasn’t even been an hour.”

“I know,” he replied. “But I was making a reservation at Alessandro’s for
tonight, and I wanted to make sure you kept your schedule clear.”

“Um…okay.”

“Do you think your mom can baby-sit?”

Buffy turned, watching as Spike sat on the couch with Michael, bouncing the
little boy on his knees as they both laughed. She felt herself tear up
again as she smiled at the display. “Don’t worry about it. I have someone
in mind.”

Chapter 25


Buffy walked down the stairs, putting her earrings in when she saw Spike.
He sat in the living room with Michael, and he seemed to be eyeing her,
almost hungrily. Buffy shifted slightly under the extra attention but
couldn’t stop the thrill that coursed through her.

“What?” she asked with a smile, straightening her coffee-colored pants in
self-consciousness.

“You look beautiful, luv,” he said softly, taking in the silky cream-colored
top with the cowl neck. Her hair up in a loose bun with pieces
falling to frame her face just seemed to complete the picture.

Buffy blushed under the praise and smoothed out her top. It was actually
very modest compared to some of the other things he’d seen her in. The long
sleeves partially covered her hands, and the only exposed skin was a
hint of cleavage, but Spike couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

Spike watched Buffy walk around the room, his look slowly turning to a
frown. ‘She looks so grown up,’ he thought. ‘She doesn’t look old, just
more mature.’

He realized, with a sinking heart, that he’d caused that look. He’d left
her alone when she’d needed him the most, and it was his fault that a twenty
year old girl could pass for a sophisticated twenty-five year old.

“Hey, what’s with that face?” Buffy asked with a concerned smile as she sat
next to her son and his father.

“I was just thinking, luv,” he said softly.

“About what?”

“You.”

“Me?”

Spike looked down at the little boy, quietly flipping through the pages of a
book. “It’s not important,” he murmured.

“I think it is,” she said softly.

Both jumped slightly at the knock on the door, seconds before Michael jumped
up and fell on Spike’s stomach.

“Oomph!”

Buffy laughed as the little boy giggled, wrestling with his dad. She slowly
got up, answering the door for Angel.

“He’s still here?” Angel asked, gesturing to the Desoto parked in front of
the house. “It’s been hours.”

“He’s watching Michael tonight,” Buffy said with a shrug.

“He’s what?”

“Michael’s father is staying with him tonight,” Buffy clarified, letting him
in to see the two wrestling around on the carpet.

“Well, isn’t this cozy,” Angel muttered sarcastically.

Buffy shot him a look before walking over to her son. “Spike, my cell
phone number is on the refrigerator next to Mom’s. She’s out for the night,
but she said to call her if there’s anything you need and we’ll be back by
nine.”

“Ten,” Angel said from the doorway.

Spike glared at the other man before nodding at Buffy. “Bedtime at eight
and you just fed him dinner. We’ll be fine,” he replied, picking up his son
and carrying him over to Buffy.

“Bye bye, baby,” she said softly, smiling when he waved at her. “Can Mommy
have a kiss?” Spike felt his heart clench again when Michael leaned forward
and left a drooly kiss on his mother’s lips. She laughed, wiping her mouth
with the back of her hand. “What a good kiss,” she praised as she ruffled
his sandy blonde curls. “You have fun with your Daddy.”

Spike watched sadly as Buffy was led out the door with Angel’s arm wrapped
around her waist. ‘That should be me,’ he thought, growing more depressed
before Michael pulled on his hair. He laughed at the little boy’s antics
while putting him back on the floor for another tickling match.

* * * * *

“My God, Angel! He’s Michael’s father- it’s not like I left him with a
serial killer!”

The two had been arguing about Spike since they sat down at the table. This
came after a very tense car ride in which nothing was said.

“How do you know how he’s going to act with Michael?” Angel challenged,
taking a long swallow of his wine.

“Because I know him,” Buffy stated simply. “Because I trust him.”

“Do you trust him more than you trust me?”

Buffy began to get angry as she stabbed at her food. “Is that your
business?”

“Considering you’re with me, I’m thinking ‘yes’.”

“Do you really want to be having this conversation, right now? I thought
you wanted a night out to relax.”

“I did! That is, until you had the bleached wonder over to spend the entire day
with you.”

“He did not spend the entire day with me- he spent it with Michael. You’re
really going to have to get over your issues, Angel. Spike is Michael’s
father, and that’s the end of it. It’s my prerogative to leave him with
whomever I choose.”

Angel sat in silence as he finished his meal. Buffy pushed her plate away,
her appetite completely depleted.

* * * * *

Joyce Summers got out of her car when she saw the Mercedes pull into the
driveway. She was stunned when the normally happy couple got out arguing
about something.

“I hope you don’t think you’re staying here,” Buffy said, slamming her door
as hard as she could before walking around the front of the car.

“I’ve got a hotel room booked.”

“Good, you can go there now.”

“Is it a crime to want to check on Michael before I leave?” Angel asked in a
mocking tone.

“Bullshit!” Buffy cried, causing Joyce to raise her eyebrows as she searched
through her purse for her keys, actually just using that as an excuse to
stay outside a little longer. “You just want to go in there and argue with
Spike some more! Look, Angel, I’m sorry if my having a past bothers you, but
you’ll be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t have one!”

“At least I could find someone who hasn’t fucked their high school teacher!”

Buffy’s face seemed to turn to stone as Angel realized his mistake.

“Buffy, I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did,” she said in cold tone. “And why wouldn’t you mean it? It’s
true.”

“Buffy-“

“Leave me alone, Angel. I really don’t want to talk to you tonight,” Buffy
said, turning around to walk away. She caught her mother’s eye, giving her
a tight smile before walking around the house to the backyard, wanting to
have a few minutes to herself.

Joyce watched Angel get back in his car, pulling away before she opened the
door to her house. She saw Spike sitting on the couch flipping through the
TV stations. He got to his feet when he saw Joyce. “Mrs. Summers,” he said
politely with a nod in greeting.

Joyce realized in that moment the kind of man that Spike really was. He’d
made some mistakes in the past, but he was still first and foremost her
grandson’s father, and she could forgive any indiscretions in the past.
Especially considering the act she’d just seen played out in her driveway.

“I told you a long time ago, Spike, to call me Joyce.”

His stance relaxed a little as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Michael’s asleep. I just checked on him. Buffy’s still not home.”

“She’s home,” Joyce said quietly. “It’s probably not my place to say this,
but they had a big fight.”

Spike felt his body flood with different emotions. “Really?”

“She seemed kind of upset,” Joyce said. “She’s in the backyard, and I think
she may need someone to talk to.”

Spike gave Joyce a grateful smile as he grabbed his duster. “I think I can
manage that,” he said, feeling his heart speed up as he walked toward the
backdoor.

He took a deep breath when he got to the kitchen. “Don’t mess this up,
Spike,” he muttered to himself. “This could be your only chance with her.”

Chapter 26


Spike slowly walked out the backdoor, seeing Buffy standing at the top of
the steps, a few feet away. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she
stared out into the backyard.

“Hello, Spike,” she said softly, a gentle smile playing on her lips.

“How’d you know it was me, luv?” Spike asked with a smile as he stepped up
to stand beside her.

“I always know when it’s you,” she whispered, causing Spike to look over at
her.

He stared at her for a long moment before speaking. “When did you grow up
so much?”

Buffy gave him a smile as she shook her head. “My guess would be right
after Michael was born. Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Spike said quickly. “It’s just you’re so different. Still the same
girl I was originally attracted to, but not…”

“But not a girl anymore,” Buffy finished for him.

“Yeah,” he said softly.

“I had to do a lot of maturing in a short period of time.”

Spike nodded as they stood in silence. “Why did you disappear?” he asked
after a minute. “I couldn’t even get your mum to tell me where you were.”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be with me,” Buffy said
quietly. “And then you made it clear that you didn’t want the baby.”

Spike clenched his jaw in frustration. “I always wanted you,” he whispered,
neither making eye contact as they stared into the shadows of the night. “I
wanted you and I wanted…I want the baby, but it was a lot to absorb and I
just didn’t have the time I needed. A week later you were gone.”

“I wanted to stay,” Buffy whispered. “But it was too hard here. All the
whispers and the gossip and the judgments. I just needed to be able to do
something for myself.”

“I came after you, you know.” Buffy finally turned to look at him as he
looked at the ground. “It…I was too late…you’d already gone.” Spike turned
to look at her with sad eyes. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry…for
everything.”

“Don’t be,” Buffy said softly with a slight shrug. “I’m not.” She had to
smile at the confused look on his face as she continued. “Spike, you gave
me something that I’ve never regretted…not for one day. Not for one minute.
Even when I thought I couldn’t do it anymore. Even when I felt too
exhausted to go on…he made it better. From every little kick that he gave
me when I was pregnant to the way he smiles at me today…he is my
strength. He’s why I’m here.”

“I wish I could have been there,” Spike said in a whisper. “I wish I could
go back and not act like such a ponce. Just say ‘sod it’ to anything that
stood in our way and tried to make it work. Maybe then you wouldn’t be
with…”

Spike trailed off, not knowing if he wanted to get into this conversation tonight.

“You can ask about him, you know,” she whispered. “I know you’re probably
curious.”

“Is he good to Michael?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t,” Buffy replied.

“So, you’re still with him?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said with a sigh, avoiding Spike’s eyes. “We had a fight. Granted
it was the worst fight we’ve ever had, but I can only imagine the stress he’s under.
Although, it’s probably nothing compared to the stress you and I are dealing with,”
she added with a smile. “But I hardly think I’d be gracious in a similar situation.”

“I guess not,” Spike agreed, deciding to give the other man the benefit of
the doubt, even if he did hate him. “Is he good to you?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t,” Buffy repeated with a smile. “I
wouldn’t bring someone into Michael’s life that I wasn’t…”

“That you weren’t sure about?” Spike asked, feeling his chest tighten.

“Yeah,” she whispered, sitting down on the top step.

Spike took a deep breath, sitting next to her and propping his arms up on
his knees.

“Did you ever…”

“What?” he asked her gently.

“Have you been seeing anyone?”

“No,” he said quickly.

“Why?” she whispered, glancing at him.

“Because I could never get you out of my mind. You were…you are everywhere.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she whispered, looking down at her hands.

“Weren’t going to what, luv?”

“Move on,” she murmured. “That’s not even the right term for it. I didn’t move on…I couldn’t. But he was there and I desperately needed someone to be there. I needed emotional support and friendship and there were all these voices in my head that were telling me I couldn’t live my life waiting for…”

Spike watched her carefully, seeing the tears come to her eyes.

“Waiting for me,” he finished sadly.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “But I couldn’t wait for you and not want you to come for me at the same time. So I tried to be normal. Or as normal as a teenager with a baby can be. I had a few close friends and they set me up on a few dates that didn’t amount to anything. Then this nice guy comes along and he’s…he’s the exact opposite of you and yet sometimes he seems exactly the same…does that make sense?”

“Perfectly,” Spike muttered.

“I didn’t want anything serious,” she continued. “Just dinner and a movie. Just a night out to have fun and then go home to my little boy, but he was just so persistent and…and you probably don’t want to hear this,” she said, with a soft smile.

“Actually, I really do,” Spike replied, wanting to know what it had been like for her.

“He was a nice guy, he was good to Michael, he just…”

“What, luv?”

“He wasn’t you,” she whispered, the tone of her voice letting him know that it was a fault of Angel’s and not something she willingly looked for. The same tone also let him know that what she was saying was not meant to be taken as anything more than words. It wasn’t an invitation to get back together or even hold her, it was merely her way of telling Spike that she missed him.

“And then he told me he loved me and…”

Spike was desperately trying to get a hold of his emotions and get
enough control to ask his next question. “Do you love him?”

Buffy stared into the blanket of darkness, sighing as she shook her head.
“I don’t believe in love,” she whispered.

Spike turned to face her in disbelief. “What?”

“Love is just a figment of people’s imaginations,” she said softly. “It’s
just…lust and obsession and fear of being alone that causes people to think
they’re in love. I’m not that naïve anymore.”

Spike could feel the shock seeping through his body at her words. “What
about your family?”

“I believe in that,” Buffy whispered. “I believe in loving someone through a blood link, but as far as falling in love…I just don’t believe it exists.”

“So…you’re telling me that what we had was lust, obsession, and fear? Is
that all we had, Buffy?”

She let out a mirthless laugh as she shook her head. “WE didn’t have
anything, Spike. YOU had an easy lay and I had a crush that manifested.”

“You weren’t an ‘easy lay’, Buffy,” he said, shaking his head. “I never
thought of you that way.” Spike looked over, staring at her for a long
minute before she turned to look him in the eye. “You don’t believe that
what we had was special?” he asked, fearing her answer.

Buffy gave him a small smile. “What we had wasn’t real,” she whispered.

“It created something real.”

Buffy sat in silence, unable to argue with that as Spike got to his feet.

“I should get going,” he murmured.

“Spike,” she said softly, standing up as he turned to walk away. “There’s something
I need to know.” Buffy waited until he turned to face her before
continuing. “Back when we were…”

She trailed off, taking a shaky breath. “It’s just…I remember that I
believed I did at some point, even if I don’t believe it now, and I just
needed to know…did you love me?”

Spike stared at her with his feelings plainly shown in his eyes as he took a step forward. He slowly reached up to cup her face in his hands before brushing a tender kiss to her lips. “Then…now…and every moment in between.”

Chapter 27


“So, how’d it go?” Gunn asked later that night as he watched Spike finish
his beer. “I’m guessing not too good, since you’re here with me instead of
curled up in a nice comfy bed with her.”

“It wasn’t exactly the way I had planned, Charlie-boy,” Spike replied
sullenly.

“I’m sure it didn’t go that bad.”

“She’s with someone else,” Spike muttered, staring into the bottle.

Gunn gave him a sympathetic look. “Man, that sucks.”

“Yeah,” Spike said softly.

“Is it serious?”

“They’ve been together for a year,” Spike replied. “That doubles the
relationship I had with her, so I’m guessing…yeah.”

“Does she love him?”

Spike finally raised his eyes to his friend. “Does it matter?”

“Is that a ‘no’?” Gunn asked with a smile.

Spike sighed, looking back to the bar. “She said she doesn’t believe in love
anymore.”

Spike’s eyes flew up to look at his friend when Gunn started laughing
uncontrollably.

“I didn’t think it was particularly funny, mate,” Spike spat out.

“Spike, my man, you are so clueless,” Gunn replied, controlling his
laughter. “How long were you with this girl?”

“Five months,” Spike responded skeptically.

“And this new guy has been in her life for a year?”

“Are you going to get to a point anytime tonight?”

“You said that she fell in love with you while you were together. Shouldn’t
she feel the same thing for a man she’s been with even longer?”

Spike’s brow furrowed as he tried to decipher what his friend was saying.
“She was young,” Spike muttered in response. “She was impressionable…she
didn’t know if she was in love with me.”

“She’s young now, Spike,” Gunn said with raised eyebrows. “That doesn’t
mean she can’t understand who she wants to be with. You share a child
together. You’ve been in love with her how long? And you’re just going to
give up? You’re going to let another guy have her? What happened to the guy
I knew who would fight for what he wants?”

“If she wanted to be with me-“

”She would what? Come running back to you with open arms? Spike, you told
me what happened. You broke up with her and then you rejected her. Do you
really expect her to risk coming back to you and getting hurt again? You’re
going to have to make the first move. Call the girl and talk to her.”

“And ask what?” Spike asked, losing his temper. He couldn’t control
anything about the situation and it was eating away at him.

“Ask her to meet you. Get her someplace that has a lot of memories for both
of you.”

“That would be my classroom in the high school,” Spike replied, finally
cracking a grin.

“Okay, that was way more information than I needed to know.”

Spike chuckled before responding. “Truthfully, it would be on my desk…lots
of good memories on that desk.”

“You’re killing me here, Spike,” Gunn replied, shaking his head before
reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cell phone. “It’s still
early…call her,” he insisted firmly.

Spike took a deep breath as he picked up the phone, staring at it for a long
moment before finally dialing her number. He gave Gunn a nod as he stood
up, walking out of the bar to get some more privacy.

“Hello?”

“Buffy.”

“Spike? Is something wrong?” Buffy asked nervously.

“Can I see you tonight?” he asked quietly.

“I…I don’t know, Spike.”

“Please, Buffy,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he leaned his head
against the brick wall. “Come by the house later.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she whispered.

“I just want to talk about Michael.”

“What about him?”

“Please, Buffy,” he repeated, his voice taking on a needy quality that was
very unlike him. “I need to see you.”

Buffy stayed quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about it. “Okay,” she
said softly. “Give me an hour…I’ll be there.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief as a smile briefly fluttered on his lips.
“Thank you, luv.

* * * * *

Buffy hung up the phone, feeling as if she was moving in slow motion. She
sat still for several long minutes, not sure why she felt so much anxiety at
the thought of seeing Spike again.

Buffy looked up, hearing the soft knock on the door of her bedroom.
“Honey,” Joyce said quietly as she opened the door for her. “Angel’s here
to see you.”

“And so my night is complete,” Buffy muttered, letting her head drop into
her hands. “Tell him I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Okay,” Joyce said quietly.

Buffy stared at herself in the mirror. She could see so many different
reflections looking back at her. The loving mother, the attentive
girlfriend, and somewhere, buried deep, was the girl who she had once been.
The girl who had stayed after school for a tutoring session and ended up
finding a man who she would hold in her heart forever…and who in turn, would hold her heart forever.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy stood up, walking down the stairs, gripping the
banister as she got to the bottom and saw Angel standing there with a
sheepish look on his face.

“Outside,” Buffy said softly, walking past him and out onto the front porch.

“I came by to apologize,” Angel said quietly as the door shut behind him.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, closing herself off to the man in
front of her. “I guess I owe you one, too.”

“This is just a lot for me to deal with, Buffy.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, swallowing hard. “But it’s hard on me, too,” she
whispered with tears in her eyes. “And I really needed your support, and you
haven’t even…”

Angel took a step forward to comfort her, mildly surprised when she stepped
back.

“I think we need to spend some time apart,” she said softly, avoiding his
eyes.

“Buffy-“

“It’s for the best, Angel. I need some time.”

“Because of Spike?” Angel asked through gritted teeth.

“Because of a lot of things,” she whispered.

“Like what?”

“It’s just…Angel I don’t love you.”

“I know that,” he replied calmly.

“And if I never love you…you’re okay with that?”

This was the same conversation they’d had several months before, but things were much different now.

“I don’t know,” he replied truthfully.

Buffy took a deep breath. “You’ve been so good to me and Michael…and no matter what, you’re always welcome to see him, but…”

She trailed off, not knowing how to go about doing this.

Angel took a deep breath, obviously trying to control his temper as he
nodded.

Buffy felt tears spill down her cheeks as he turned and walked away. She
watched as he pulled out of the driveway before telling her mother that she
was leaving, as well. She decided to walk to Spike's, needing some time to
herself.

Chapter 28


Spike stopped his car, surprised to see Buffy sitting on his front steps.
His heart filled with dread as he jumped out and ran toward her.

“Buffy? Luv, is something wrong?” he asked, stopping in front of her.

“I’m okay,” Buffy replied with a tight smile. “I just needed to leave a
little early…get some fresh air.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I didn’t expect you this soon.”

Spike offered her his hand, but Buffy stood up on her own, brushing off her
pants while she waited for him to open the door.

Spike held open the door for her and watched as she entered the house with
trepidation, looking around the foyer as Spike stepped in behind her. “What
is it, pet?” he asked, seeing her look around the house with apprehension.

“I just…I haven’t been here since…that day.”

Spike felt his heart tighten as his mind flashed back to her words that day.

*I give you everything I have and…and it’s still not enough.*

But it was. It was enough, and he couldn’t tell her. It was all he ever
wanted…she was all he ever wanted.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Buffy whispered, running her hands over her face but
not turning away.

“Why?” he whispered, taking a step closer to her.

Buffy suddenly realized how close they were to each other. She realized
that the only light in the room was the moonlight spilling through the
windows of the house, casting a silvery light and shadows over anything it
touched.

She felt her heartbeat speed up at his close proximity. “I really shouldn’t
be here,” she repeated, turning away from him as she reached for the
doorknob. Spike covered her hand with his causing her breath to catch as
she remembered the first time he’d touched her hand in such a similar way. Nobody
would have expected it. Nobody would have thought that it started with
something so effortless, so undemanding. That something so involved and
full of such an array of emotions could have started with a simple brush of
their hands.

Memories flooded through her- the kiss, the two of them in his classroom, in his car, in bed together…his bed.

Buffy slammed the door shut, turning and grabbing the lapels of his duster
before smashing her lips to his. Spike’s arms immediately wrapped around
her waist, reflexively pushing her against the door and letting his tongue
brush against hers, eliciting a soft moan from her.

Buffy pushed her body against his, dislodging herself from his grasp as
their lips separated. Spike felt a momentary sense of panic before she
grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.

“Buffy, we don’t have to do this now,” he said in a husky whisper, seconds
before she stripped off her shirt and pants, leaving her in a lace bra and
panties.

“The hell we don’t,” she replied, crushing her lips to his while slipping
the duster from his shoulders.

Their entire relationship he was the instigator of anything that happened between them. To have her take control was surprising and arousing to both of them.

Spike closed his eyes when she unfastened his belt, pulling on it and letting the leather
slip through the loops before dropping it on the floor. He quickly pulled off his shirt as she
divested him of the rest of his clothes.

“Buffy-“

“Don’t say it,” she whispered, leading him to the bed. “I just want to feel
you,” she said in a breathy voice, making eye contact with him while
removing the rest of her clothing. Taking a step forward, Buffy ran her
hands over his strong chest, licking her suddenly very dry lips. “I’ve
dreamed of you every night for over two years,” she said softly. “Touching
you, holding you, feeling you…please let me feel you tonight.”

Her whispered plea was too much for Spike as he pushed her down on the bed,
leaving soft kisses along her body.

“Spike, now,” Buffy moaned, arching her body against his, craving the
friction that only he could provide. “I need you inside me.”

Spike’s breathing escalated as he settled himself between her legs, sliding
into her with one powerful thrust. Buffy cried out, arching her body
against his for more contact. Both moved together, their bodies trembling
after going without the other for so long, needing to feel the completion of
being connected.

They set a slow, steady rhythm, staring into each other's eyes as they each
gasped for breath. Spike met her lips in a gentle kiss, keeping his body
pressed to hers, wanting to be as close to her as he could. Pulling away
after a moment, Buffy breathed heavily when Spike brushed the hair away from
her face, maintaining eye contact with her.

“Do you love me?” Spike whispered, desperately needing an answer.

Buffy looked up at him with tears shimmering in her eyes. “You know the
answer, Spike,” she said in a choked voice. “Please don’t make me say
it…it’s just too hard.”

“Buffy, I love you,” he whispered, burying himself within her as he stopped
his movements. “I love you,” he repeated, needing her to understand.

He watched as tears streamed down her cheeks, her body quivering against his
soothing touches to her skin.

“I love you, so much,” he murmured, plunging into her with renewed force,
feeling his heart swell when her body arched against his. “I never
stopped…I never stopped…”

He trailed off in a whisper when he felt her muscles clenching around him,
triggering his own release. Silence filled the room as they held onto each
other, shaking from the bliss that was coursing through them.

Spike gathered Buffy into his arms, rolling with her and letting his hands
run along her skin. “I need to know how you feel,” he whispered into her
hair as he kissed the top of her head.

“Spike, I-“

She stopped when they both heard a loud banging on the door.

“Bloody hell,” Spike muttered, not wanting to extract himself from his
lover’s arms.

When the knocking persisted, he got out of bed with a growl, searching along
the floor. Angrily putting on his pants and zipping them, Spike didn’t
bother with the button as he walked back to Buffy, giving her a tender kiss
and running his hand along her cheek. “I’ll be back in a minute, luv.”

Buffy nodded, a shy smile on her face as Spike left the room. She felt her
heart stop a moment later when she heard Spike yelling. Considering what
had just been interrupted, Buffy wasn’t surprised to hear him losing his
temper. What surprised her the most was that Angel was the other raised
voice she could hear in the foyer.

---

A/N Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews- you guys are the best reviewers/readers/e-mailers that a girl could ask for and it means so much to me!

---

Chapter 29


Buffy practically scrambled out of bed as she looked around for her
abandoned clothes. She could hear Spike’s voice get even louder as she
hurriedly got dressed, listening to the heated exchange and knowing that it
was about to boil over. She hesitated when she got to the door, not wanting
to alert Angel of her presence but knowing that there could be disastrous
consequences if she left the two men alone for very long.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the door in time to hear Angel’s angry
voice.

“Why gain a sudden interest now? You haven’t wanted anything to do with her
or her son since you left her!”

“Only because I didn’t know where she was, you git! I wanted both of them
in my life, but they weren’t here. I’m Michael’s father, not you, so stop
trying to fill the void because I’m not going anywhere!”

Angel’s eyes clouded over with anger. He was about to respond when he saw a
movement behind Spike. His eyes widened when Buffy appeared, wearing the
same clothes she had on for dinner, but now they were slightly rumpled.
Everything fell into place when he noticed Spike’s shirtless state. Buffy’s
hair was falling freely around her shoulders, but he remembered it being
pulled away from her face less than an hour ago.

“You son of a bitch!” Angel yelled, throwing his fist at Spike.

Spike quickly ducked the fist, landing his own in Angel’s stomach.

“Stop it!” Buffy screamed, not caring about her own safety as she ran
forward and pushed herself between the two men.

Both froze as the tiny girl wedged herself in between them. The men glared
at each other but stayed still, not wanting to risk harming Buffy just to
get to each other.

“Everyone just stop,” she said in a surprisingly calm voice, looking back and forth to
make sure neither was planning any surprise moves.

“What are you doing here, Buffy?” Angel asked, his gaze still leveled on
Spike.

“I could be asking you the same thing,” Buffy replied, turning to face the
taller man as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Is this why you wanted a break?” Angel asked her as he gestured to Spike.
“Wanted to ‘reminisce’ a little bit?”

“No,” Buffy said softly. “This was an accident.”

Spike could feel his body tense at her words, narrowing his eyes as Angel
shot him a look.

“Can we talk?” Angel asked Buffy in a soft, soothing voice, reaching forward
to gently touch her arm.

Buffy hesitated for a brief moment before nodding. “Yeah,” she said
quietly, giving Spike a small smile as she walked out the door.

* * * * *

Buffy leaned against the car, watching as Angel paced in front of her.

“It’s over…isn’t it?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered, feeling the pain that she was causing him.

“Are you two getting back together?”

Buffy glanced at the house, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said softly, truly not knowing the answer to his question.

Angel nodded, before giving Buffy a hug. She closed her eyes, leaning into the embrace as she fought the tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you deserve,” she whispered in a choked voice. “You can do so much better than me.”

“I think that’s up for debate,” Angel said with a soft smile. “I would still like to see Michael.”

“Anytime,” Buffy readily agreed, pulling back to look into his eyes. “No matter what happens with the two us, you’re family.”

Angel visibly relaxed. He would miss Buffy, but he knew that she didn’t love him. His biggest fear was that he wouldn’t get to see Michael anymore. “Thank you.”

* * * * *

Spike paced through the living room, refusing the urge to look out the window. He was driving himself crazy with the different possibilities of what could be happening outside.

‘What if she’s thinking of going with him?’ he asked himself, feeling the pain that ripped through his heart. ‘What if tonight was just a mistake for her?’

After a few minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed a nearly empty bottle of whiskey, draining it in one long gulp. He relished the burning sensation it gave him as the liquid flowed down his throat, doing what it could to soothe the heartache he was feeling. Spike was grateful for a distraction. Anything to keep him from thinking about the woman he loved talking to her ponce of a boyfriend no more than fifty feet away.

Spike had opened a new bottle and swallowed a good portion of the alcohol
when he heard the door finally open behind him. He wasn’t drunk, not yet
anyway, but he already knew he would have one hell of a hangover tomorrow,
considering he didn’t plan on stopping with this bottle.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered, walking up behind him as she gently let her hand
trail over the bare skin of his back.

“She’s back,” Spike said with a raised eyebrow, not trusting himself to turn
and face her. “Thought you’d be halfway to Captain Forehead’s hotel by
now.”

“He’s gone,” she said softly.

“And why aren’t you with him?” he asked, trying to disguise the pain he was feeling.

“Because I want to be here,” she whispered.

“Why?” Spike asked, finally turning to face her. Buffy cringed at the alcohol that seemed to float around him in waves. His eyes were glassy as he looked at her with an unidentified emotion. “It was an accident, remember? Tonight was just an accident,” he continued, repeating the words she had spoken earlier, practically spitting them out to keep his voice from breaking.

“That’s not what I meant,” Buffy said softly.

“You could have fooled me.”

The pain was obvious in his voice.

“All I meant was, I didn’t plan on it happening, not that it shouldn’t have
happened.”

“Yeah, well that’s not what it sounded like,” Spike said as he shoved her hand away from him. “You seemed like you knew what you were talking about. Not planning on the outcome is a surprise if it’s a good thing…an accident is something you wouldn’t repeat if given another chance.” Spike took a deep breath, looking away from her so she wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes. “I think we’re done here.”

“So, we’re back to this,” Buffy said, more to herself than Spike as she looked at the ceiling. “Spike bosses Buffy around and expects her to do exactly what he says. Well, guess what? I’m not your student anymore, Spike. It’s been two years…two very long years, I might add. I’ve changed. I don’t need you bossing me around and telling me when I can stay and when I can go. Most importantly, I don’t need you.”

Spike cringed at her words, turning to face her. “Buffy-“

“No!” she yelled. “I’m not doing this, Spike. I can’t do this again. I
thought you’d changed, but you’re still the same guy who likes everything on
his terms. Well, I don’t go by your terms anymore…I’m not playing by your
rules. And I’m not hanging around here until you get tired of me. Goodbye,
Spike.”

“Buffy, wait!” he called desperately. He had wanted to push her away before she could do the same to him.

‘It never occurred to you that she would want to actually be with you, you pillock,’ he thought, wanting to hit himself for his stupidity.

“Why?” she asked, turning around with one hand on the doorknob. “You tell
me you love me and then you don’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. I
may be the one who left, Spike, but you left me long before I moved away and
I hate bringing that up again,” she said tearfully. “I don’t want to throw it in your face, and I
know that’s what I’m doing, but you don’t seem to realize how hard that was
for me. I know it wasn’t fair to take your son away from you. I know I was
being selfish and I know that it hurt you. But what you don’t understand is
that I was hurting, too.” Buffy took a deep breath as she swallowed her
tears. “We may share a son together, but I guess I was wrong when I thought
we could share our lives with each other.”

Spike watched in shock as she disappeared through the door, slamming it
behind her. Dropping into a nearby chair, Spike’s head fell into his hands
as the pounding headache began. “What have I done?”

Chapter 30


Spike was chasing his son around the yard when he saw Joyce Summers pull
into his driveway. It had been four days since Buffy walked out on him, and
Spike hadn’t seen or heard from her since.

Joyce had dropped off Michael everyday and come back a few hours later to
pick him up. She hadn’t mentioned Buffy, and Spike had restrained from
asking about her, but today he couldn’t resist. It was killing him knowing
that she was so close, but he couldn't have her.

‘I hope I gave her enough time to cool off.’

Picking up Michael, Spike walked to the car and greeted Joyce as she stepped
out.

“Did you two have fun today?” Joyce asked, smiling when her grandson giggled
and reached for her.

“Yeah, we had a good time,” Spike said with a small smile. “Joyce, I was
wondering…well, I…”

“Are you going to make me stand here all day or ask about my daughter?”
Joyce asked with a soft smile.

Spike grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What are the odds that
she would slam the door in my face if I came over?”

“Right now? Pretty low, considering she’s not there.”

“Where is she?” Spike asked, his head tilting, brow furrowed in confusion.

Joyce sighed, setting Michael on the ground and watching as he ran off to
grab a rubber ball lying on the driveway. “She’s in Chicago.”

Spike restrained every impulse in his body to yell. “What’s she doing in
Chicago?” he asked in a deceptively low tone.

“She’s got a job interview.”

Spike felt his heart seize in his chest as his breathing became labored.
“When did she leave?”

“A few days ago,” Joyce replied. “She’ll be back tonight.”

*I’m not hanging around here until you get tired of me.*

Buffy’s words haunted Spike as he closed his eyes. “She’s hasn’t even
graduated,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“My sister has a friend who owns an art gallery there,” she explained.
“She’s been bragging about Buffy for so long that the owner wanted to meet
her. She’s willing to let Buffy take the time to finish school part-time in Illinois,
if she wants her to take the position.”

Joyce looked at the heartbreaking expression on Spike’s face and gave him a
sympathetic look as she picked up Michael and put him in his carseat.
Turning to face him again, Joyce gave him a small smile. “She’ll be home at
nine. Maybe you should stop by and talk to her.”

* * * * *

Spike knocked on the door later that night, feeling his heart thumping in
his chest. He gave Joyce a tentative grin when she opened the door.

“Is she back?” he asked softly.

“She just got in,” Joyce said with a nod. “She’s upstairs checking on
Michael. I’ll be in the kitchen…you two should go on a walk, get some fresh
air.”

Spike saw the smile playing on Joyce’s lips as she walked away. Seconds
later, he turned when he heard a sound come from upstairs. Buffy slowly
walked down the stairs, looking at him in disbelief, as if she didn’t expect
him to be there.

Everything faded into the distance as their eyes locked together. The world
seemed to turn into a dense fog as they looked at each other, both feeling
the charge that seemed to race through them as Buffy got closer.

“I didn’t expect you to be here,” she whispered.

Spike took a deep breath, fighting the urge to take her into his arms. As
wonderful as it might feel, he knew it wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t
give either of them any answers that they needed.

“Can we take a walk?” he whispered.

Buffy nodded, hugging her arms around her body as he held the door open for
her.

They walked in silence for several minutes before he spoke. “Do you
remember the first time we met?”

Buffy turned to him with a smile on her face. “Outside the school with
Snyder lecturing about something pointless. I didn't hear him because I was a little
too distracted by the hot new teacher who was getting the tour.”

Spike smiled. "And I was kicking myself for lusting after my student." His
smile slowly faded as he seemed to remember something. “No one has ever
captivated me the way you have,” he whispered, glancing at her as they
continued walking. “I wanted you so much…in so many ways.”

“What ways?” Buffy asked in confusion.

Spike stopped, her question echoing in his head with so much uncertainty.
He slowly turned her to face him before he spoke. “Did you think it was
just sexual?”

Buffy bit her lip, avoiding his eyes as she nodded. “Most of the time…yeah.
Isn’t that what you thought? Isn’t that what it was?”

“No,” Spike whispered, shaking his head as he looked at her, tucking a
strand of hair behind her ear. “That was something so unexpected that I…it
was something precious that you allowed me to be a part of.”

“What are you saying?”

“Our first kiss…I started falling in love with you. I denied it. I wrote
if off as a lust-filled moment, but it wasn't. It was one of the most
tender moments I've ever experienced in my life. I would have been grateful for
anything we could have shared together, and when we actually made love…”

“I wouldn’t call our first time together ‘making love’,” Buffy said with a
grin, trying to lighten the mood.

“Every time we’ve been together we’ve made love,” he whispered, looking into
her eyes before slipping his hand behind her neck and meeting her lips with
his.

Pulling away after a moment, his other hand caressed her cheek and loosely
clasped behind her neck. “Have you made a decision?” he asked, his eyes
locked on hers, trying to convey the depth of his emotions.

“Mom told you?”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “It was a surprise.”

“I would have told you, but…”

“I know,” Spike whispered. “Our last meeting didn’t exactly go the way I
had planned.” He smiled before reconsidering his response. “Well…the
first part did.”

Buffy lightly smacked his chest, feeling a thrill rush through her when his
hands slid down to her waist, pulling her closer to him. “You know if I go,
I won’t keep Michael from you. You do know that, right?”

“Are you going?” Spike asked, a nervous tremor making its way into his
voice.

“What do you want me to do?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide as she looked at
him.

Spike considered his answer for a long minute before taking a deep breath.
“I want you to be happy,” he whispered, his hand trailing over her cheek.
“I’ve taken so much away from you, I just want you to be happy.”

Buffy stared at him in shock. “Spike, you haven’t taken anything away
from-“

“You’re not going to convince me otherwise, Buffy,” Spike said softly. He
took a deep breath before pressing his lips to hers in a loving kiss, trying
to tell her everything he ever wanted to tell her as his lips brushed
against hers. Pulling back, he pressed his forehead against hers, holding
his tears at bay as he spoke. “Do what makes you happy, baby.”

Chapter 31


A/N I have to give credit to Rebecca Rand Kirshner and Joss Whedon for a huge portion of this chapter, for dialogue used from the show (you’ll know it when you see it). I haven’t used a big segment of dialogue in a long time- I prefer using just a few choice lines, but there are two speeches (one in a later chapter) that just fit with this story.





“So what did you tell him?” Willow asked as Buffy buttoned the back of the
long white dress.

“I didn’t tell him anything,” Buffy replied. “What was I supposed to tell
him?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Willow said, looking at her friend in the mirror as she
adjusted the veil. “Maybe…’I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen,
and it’s time we try and make it work since we share a son and everything.’”

“It’s not that easy, Wills,” Buffy murmured, not making eye contact with her
friend as Willow turned around.

“It’s not supposed to be easy,” Willow said in a gentle tone. “It’s
supposed to be real. No one ever said that life was easy. You have to
fight for what you want.”

“But is he what I want?” Buffy asked skeptically. “I was able to live
without him for two years. I was able to move on…somewhat.”

“Somewhat,” Willow replied. “That’s the key word. You never truly moved on,
and Spike never did. Shouldn’t that tell you how he feels for you?”

“So, you’re telling me that he loves me more because I started dating
someone and he never did?”

“No,” Willow said, shaking her head. “I think it allowed you to really grow
up and decide who you want. Can you imagine your life without Spike in it?”

Buffy looked into the distance, a faraway look in her eyes. “What if we try
and make it work and we still can’t?” she asked softly. “I can’t risk
Michael getting hurt, and the older he gets, the more difficult everything
becomes.”

“Do you want to move to Chicago?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said with a sigh as she dropped into a nearby chair,
careful not to wrinkle her dress. “It’s a great opportunity and it’s
something I never expected. I would be stupid not to take it, but…”

“But?” Willow prompted.

“Would I be stupid to leave behind the father of my child?”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Buffy,” she replied in a gentle
tone. “The way I look at it, you have a great opportunity waiting for you,
whichever decision you make.” Willow turned back to the mirror, critiquing
her reflection. “Would you mind going to check on Xander? Making sure he
hasn’t run away or anything.”

Buffy laughed as she stood up. “Yeah, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

* * * * *

“How’re you doing, Buff?” Xander asked a few minutes later as Buffy worked
on his bow-tie.

“I’m okay,” Buffy said with a smile. “But, look at you. You look great, Mr.
About-To-Get-Married. Glowing.” Her smile faded as she got a shocked look on
her face. “Oh my God! Maybe you're pregnant!”

“Maybe,” Xander said with a grin. “I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy.” Buffy
looked up at him with tears in her eyes as Xander tilted his head in
concern. “Teary?”

“Oh!” she said with a sniffle. “Good. Good teary.”

“Happy teary?” he asked with a slight smile. “Not frustrated with bow-tie
teary?”

Buffy blinked back her tears as she nodded, still working with his tie.
“Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Willow give
me hope. It's like…you two are proof that there's light at the end of this
very long, long, nasty tunnel.”

“It’ll happen for you, Buff,” he said in a gentle tone. “You’ll see,
everything will work out.”

“I thought you didn’t want it to work out?” she asked with an understanding
smile.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly in the cheering section for you and a high school
teacher,” Xander replied. “But you’re older now…and I think he really does
love you.”

“How can you tell?”

“Because I saw the way he looked at you last night…and it’s the same way I look at Willow.”

Buffy felt fresh tears in her eyes as she frantically tried to blink them away, thinking about the rehearsal dinner. Spike stayed by her side the entire time as if he was afraid she would disappear…which he probably was.

“Okay,” Buffy said brightly, trying to change the subject. “Willow will
kill me if I mess up my make-up. So, let's see,” she continued, looking him
up and down. “Found your shoes…your fly is zipped. I'd say you look like
you're ready to get married.”

Xander nodded with a smile as Buffy gave him a hug.

“You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys
someday.”

“You will be.”

Buffy smiled as she turned toward the door. “Oh, by the way,” Buffy said,
turning around. “I love you, Xand…but if you hurt her, I will beat you to
death with a shovel.”

“Good to know,” Xander said with a laugh.

“I’ll see you out there, Mr. Harris.”

Buffy shut the door behind her as she left the room, surprised to see Spike
standing there with Michael. Spike’s eyes widened as he took in the black
dress. The neckline showing an impressive amount of cleavage.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered.

“Well, I lucked out,” Buffy said shyly. “Willow tried to put me in a
radioactive green dress, but I told her I would be the one objecting during
the ceremony if she even attempted it.”

Spike laughed as Michael squirmed in his arms, trying to reach his mother.
Buffy took the small boy, smiling at the tiny tuxedo he was wearing before
turning back to Spike. “You look pretty good yourself,” she said with a
smile, taking in his all black ensemble.

Spike nervously straightened his tie. “Thanks,” he murmured. “I think
they’re about ready to begin.”

Buffy nodded, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from him as they slowly
walked down the hallway. Spike looked at the crowd of people, all shifting
in their seats as they waited for the ceremony to begin.

“I better go sit down.”

Buffy saw Xander moving into position as she nodded, sitting Michael in the
little red wagon, decorated with flowers. He was going to be wheeled down
the aisle, and Willow had even thought ahead and put a bowl of Cheerios next
to it so he would be preoccupied throughout the wedding.

“I’ll see you at the reception,” Buffy said softly.

Spike was about to respond when a soft noise brought there attention to the wagon. Michael smiled up at his parents with a toothy grin before pointing at Spike. “Da da.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as Spike’s eyes widened in shock. “Yeah, Little Bit,” he said softly, crouching down to leave a kiss on the top of his son’s head. “I’m your daddy.”

Buffy fought more tears as Spike straightened, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I better go before Willow chases me away.”

“Yeah,” she agreed with a smile.

Buffy was surprised when his lips met hers in a gentle kiss. Her mind reeled,
trying to remember if this was the first time he’d kissed her in such a
public place. She quickly made her brain go on autopilot, letting the soft
caresses of his lips make her forget everything except the way his lips felt
against hers. Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked into her eyes,
giving her a soft smile as his hand trailed along her cheek.

“Save me a dance,” he murmured before walking away.

Buffy took a shaky breath as she watched him take his seat. “Always.”

* * * * *

Spike sat at one of the reception tables, staring at the dance floor as
Xander spun Buffy around. It was nice to see her be happy, free from any
worries or responsibilities for a few precious minutes.

“She’s happiest when she’s here.”

Spike turned to see Willow standing behind him, surprised that she was
practically reading his thoughts. “Mrs. Harris,” he said with a smile,
standing up to leave a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Willow said, her smile broadening when she saw her husband dip her
best friend as they both giggled. “Are you going to fight for her?”

Spike followed her gaze. “Considering the man she’s dancing with is a very
recent newlywed, I don’t think he poses much of a threat,” he said with a
smile.

“You know what I mean,” she said seriously.

“I don’t know what to do,” Spike murmured, his eyes never leaving the
blonde.

“She needs a reason to stay,” Willow said softly.

Spike watched the couple dancing, a sad expression on his handsome face. “I
can’t give her one.”

Willow gently took his arm, turning him to see Michael giggling and running
around Joyce’s chair. “You already have…you both just have to see it at the
same time.”

Spike smiled, watching his son’s antics. “Now, go cut in,” Willow said,
giving him a little shove.

“She’s having fun, I can’t ruin that.”

“Fine,” Willow said with a smile, picking up her dress and walking out onto
the dance floor. “I’ll do it.”

Spike shook his head with a smile as Willow mockingly shoved Buffy away, all
of them laughing. The first few notes of a slower song began, and Spike
watched as Buffy got an almost whimsical look on her face, her eyes slowly
scanning the area.

Oh, oh my love
Oh my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long and lonely time

Buffy turned, meeting Spike’s eyes across the room. She gave him a gentle
smile as he began walking toward her, already feeling short of breath as she
watched him.

And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine

No words were spoken as he approached, taking her in his arms. They stared
into each other’s eyes before Spike wrapped one arm around her waist,
giving her a soft smile. Buffy felt her heart thudding in her chest when he
took one of her hands in his, bringing it to rest over his heart.

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me

Buffy sighed when his hand started rubbing soothing circles along her back.
Their eyes never broke contact as they slowly moved together, swaying to the
soft beat.

Lonely rivers flow
To the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea

The murmurs of the crowd faded into the background, leaving the music to
wash over them, surrounding them.

Lonely rivers sigh
Wait for me, wait for me
I’ll be coming home
Wait for me

Spike fought the tears from coming to his eyes as Buffy squeezed his hand,
understanding the meaning behind the simple gesture.

Oh, oh my love
Oh my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long and lonely time

Buffy slowly let her head fall to his chest, moving her hand until it was
resting directly over his heart. Spike took a deep breath, covering her
hand with his, brushing a tender kiss along the top of her head and closing
his eyes.

And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine

Both lifted their eyes to look at each other, feeling the rush of emotions
coursing through their bodies before their lips met in a tender kiss.

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me
God speed your love to me

They broke away from each other, short of breath as the final few notes
faded into the distance. Everything seemed to slowly come back to them as
they stayed wrapped in the other’s embrace, neither wanting the moment to
end but knowing that it was inevitable.

They turned away, Spike’s hand still clasping Buffy’s, leading her off the
floor. They ignored the curious looks they were getting from the people who
knew them as the ‘history teacher’ and ‘Willow’s friend’.

Buffy could see her mother watching them, a hopeful expression on her face,
obviously wanting her daughter to be happy. Spike pulled her into a more
secluded area, turning to face her. He let his hand slowly trace along
Buffy’s cheek before brushing his lips to hers in an intimate kiss.

“Come home with me tonight,” he whispered against her lips, his fingertips
grazing her exposed skin.

Buffy didn’t trust a verbal reply as she nodded, her entire body shaking
with want and confusion.

Spike pulled her to him, practically crushing her with the force of his embrace.
She clutched at him, feeling the desperation seep into her as they held
each other.



A/N The song is “Unchained Melody” sung by…well, sung by a lot of people, but the version I’m thinking of is The Righteous Brothers. This story is rapidly coming to a close (sadly…for me, anyway) so please review!

Chapter 32


Buffy let Spike lead her into his house later that night. She looked up at
him with glassy eyes, her body trembling as he cupped her face in his hands.

“Are you going?” he whispered.

Buffy turned her eyes away, feeling her chin quiver as she nodded, wishing
for so many things at that moment. Spike took a deep breath, expecting that
answer the entire time, but it still tore his heart out when it was
presented in front of him.

“Everything is different…I have to go,” she murmured, wanting nothing more
than for him to tell her that things weren’t different…that she should stay.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he caressed her cheek, a sad smile on his
lips. “Then let’s make tonight count,” he whispered.

Buffy let a few tears slip free when their lips met in a tender kiss, each
trying to show how much they loved the other.

Breaking away, Buffy could see the tears in his eyes as he looked at her.
“Make love with me,” he whispered, his hands running through her hair.
Buffy nodded, slipping out of her shoes before reaching up to unknot his
tie with shaky hands.

Slowly pulling it free, she let it flutter to the floor as her hands slid
his jacket from his shoulders. Spike watched her carefully. She appeared
to be studying every movement she was making, avoiding his eyes as she
slowly unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his muscular chest inch by inch.

Spike shrugged out of his shirt, pulling Buffy to him in a comforting
gesture. Her hands ran over his chest, relishing the feel of him so close
to her. His hands slipped around to lower the zipper at the back of her
dress, letting it pool in the middle of the floor, leaving her in a black
thong. He felt his breath catch in his throat, pulling back to look at her
body. A sight that he knew he would never get tired of…if given the chance.

“You’re more beautiful now than you were the first time I saw you,” he
murmured, running his hands along the flat expanse of her stomach. “And I
didn’t think that was possible.”

Buffy closed her eyes when his lips brushed over her neck, his teeth grazing
her throat and nipping at her gently. She slowly unbuckled his belt, easing
his pants down his legs while he removed the rest of his clothes.

Buffy kissed along his chest until she reached his shoulder, biting down
lightly before Spike picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.

Laying her down on the bed, Spike stared into her eyes for several long
moments before he slowly pushed into her. His eyes rolled shut when he was
fully sheathed inside of her, still unable to believe how perfect it was to
be joined with her.

Spike caught his breath, pulling back slightly and burying himself inside
her again. Buffy arched against him, driving him deeper inside of her with
his lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss. Her hand came up to brush along
his cheek, surprised when she felt the wet tears against her fingertips.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, wanting to make him forget everything.
“Just feel me,” she whispered, brushing his tears away as their eyes
connected. “Don’t think,” she murmured, brushing her lips across any skin
that she encountered. “Don’t think about anything…just feel.”

Spike felt his breathing escalate, shifting his weight to plunge into her at
a new angle. He bent lower, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and
swirling his tongue around it. Buffy practically bucked off the bed,
arching against his mouth and his body.

“Yes,” she whispered, her hands holding his head in place, feeling a new
thrill rush through her when his hands wrapped around her back, holding her
even closer to him.

Buffy gasped when she felt his teeth scrape along the hardened tip, her
fingers fisting in his hair as a tremor wracked her body. Her breathing
escalated as his pace picked up, thrusting into her with renewed force

Kissing a trail back to her lips, Spike pulled back to look in her eyes
before they made contact. “You’re amazing,” he said in a husky whisper,
their movements never slowing as their lips met in a fiery kiss.

Buffy practically ripped her lips away from his as she whimpered. “Harder,”
she whispered. “Please, Spike…harder.”

Spike closed his eyes, trying to hold off his orgasm before plunging into
her, grinding his hips against hers.

“I’m going to come,” Buffy whispered, her voice taking on a desperate
quality as she frantically met his thrusts with equal passion

“Look at me, baby,” Spike murmured, pumping into her as their eyes locked
together before he pulled out and plunged into her with one forceful
thrust.

“Spike!” Buffy screamed, clenching her inner muscles in a vice-like grip
around his rigid shaft.

“Buffy,” he moaned, his hips still churning against hers as he practically
exploded inside of her.

Both lay together, gazing into each other’s eyes as they tried to regulate
their breathing. Their lips met in a tender kiss, Spike pulling Buffy
closer to him, not wanting to let her go, even though he was still inside of
her.

“Was that enough to make tonight count?” Buffy asked quietly, running her
hand along his chest.

Spike closed his eyes, reality crashing back to him. He wanted nothing more
than to forget what the future held as he rolled onto his back, taking Buffy
with him. Her eyes widened when she felt him begin to harden inside of her
as she sat up, straddling his waist.

“I think we’re just getting started, luv,” he whispered, his hands gripping
her hips as Buffy began moving on top of him, slowly building up momentum.

Buffy leaned forward, pressing her chest to his as her lips brushed along
his jaw. “I hope you weren’t planning on sleeping tonight,” she said with a
grin.

Spike felt a smile spread to his lips, his arms wrapping around her body.
“I have plans,” he said in a husky whisper. “But I guarantee you, they
don’t involve sleeping.”

Chapter 33


A/N Credit for this chapter goes to Joss Whedon and Drew Z. Greenberg



Spike leaned against the wall, staring out the window into his backyard.
The sun was setting, and he could feel his heart breaking. Buffy left today.
Spike desperately needed a drink, but it was decided that Michael would
stay with him until she was set up in Chicago, and Spike would never drink
with his child in the same house.

He watched as the final rays of light fell from the sky, leaving the world
looking hazy and gray. Leaving Spike’s life hazy and gray. He’d never felt
so lost, not even when he found out Buffy was gone. Now she was gone again,
and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. She’s made her decision,
and he wasn’t what she wanted.

* * * * *

TWO HOURS EARLIER


“Are you sure about this?” Spike asked, cupping her face in his hand as they
both fought back tears.

“No,” she said with a soft smile as she shrugged. “That’s kind of the
point.”

Spike nodded, feeling the all-too-familiar lump in his throat.

“I’ll see you in a week, when you bring Michael,” she said softly.
“Everything will work itself out.”

“Even us?”

Buffy looked away, biting her lip. “Is there an ‘us’?” she asked, genuinely
uncertain about the answer. “Is that what you want?”

“I love you, Buffy,” he whispered, avoiding the question completely before
running his hands through her hair and holding her in place as he left a
tender kiss on her lips.

They pulled away after a moment, tears in both their eyes. “I love you,
too.”

Spike looked away, letting his hands fall away from her and immediately
feeling the loneliness set in. He couldn’t ask her to stay. He couldn’t ask her
to give up what she wanted, just for his own selfish needs. But it still
didn’t tell him why things ended up the way they were.

* * * * *

“Why’d you have to leave?” he whispered, staring into the backyard but not
seeing anything.

“Because things fall apart.”

Spike froze when he heard her voice. He wanted to spin around and look at
her. He wanted to run to her, but he couldn’t. He was so afraid she wasn’t
real that he closed his eyes, frozen in place, before slowly turning to see
her leaning against the doorframe to the living room. He was speechless as
she continued.

“They fall apart so hard. You can't ever…put them back the way they were.”

“Buffy?” he whispered, tilting his head as she slowly pushed away from the
doorframe to approach him. “Are you okay?”

“I'm sorry, it's just…you know, it takes time,” she whispered, approaching
him. “You can't just…tell me you want me to be happy and that you love me
and still expect-“

Spike looked down at the floor feeling guilty. “I know.”

He longed to go to her, closing the distance that was separating them,
but he knew he couldn’t. She was here for a reason, and he wasn’t about to
scare her away.

“There's just so much to work through,” she said softly. “Trust has to be
built again, on both sides…”

Spike looked away, feeling his throat closing at what she was implying. He
slowly raised his eyes to hers as she continued.

“You have to learn if…if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit
in each other's lives. It's a long…important process, and…can we just skip
it?”

Spike’s eyes widened she came to stand in front of him.

“Can you just be kissing me now?”

A brief smile flashed on Spike’s face before his hands threaded through her
hair, pulling her lips to his in a passionate kiss, each letting tears
stream down their cheeks as their lips gave each other what they were
needing.

Pulling away after a moment, Spike’s hands drifted down her arms to clasp
both of her hands in his. “What about the job?”

”Come with me,” Buffy whispered, looking deep into his eyes.

“What?”

“Come with me,” she repeated. “All three of us…we can be a family, Spike…the way we were meant to be.

“That’s why you’re back?” Spike asked, holding his breath as he waited for
her answer.

“You’re why I’m back…I couldn’t leave again without you. Let’s make a fresh start…if that’s what you want.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief, resting his forehead against hers. “I’ve never wanted anything more.

He slowly brought her hand up to his lips. He paused seconds before it reached his
lips, staring at the diamond band on her right hand.

“You still have it,” he murmured, looking at the eternity band.

“Of course I still have it,” she said with a smile.

“I just thought…since I didn’t keep that promise…”

“What promise?” Buffy asked, her brow furrowed as she looked at him.

Spike raised his eyes to hers. “Being with you for eternity.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “You knew? You knew all this time what it meant?”

“Of course I knew,” Spike replied, his arms wrapping around her waist to
pull her closer. “You think I would get you something like that and not
know what it meant?”

Buffy stared at him in amazement. “You’re going to keep the promise now,
right?” she asked with a smile.

“As soon as we put it on the other hand and make it official.”

Buffy felt her heart flip in her chest as Spike pressed his lips to hers,
pulling her as close to him as possible.

Pulling away, Spike looked into her eyes. “Can we make this work?” he
whispered.

Buffy smiled, letting her hand trace along the strong muscles in his arms.
“What do you think, Mr. Bradley?”

“I think we’ve waited long enough, Miss Summers,” he whispered, a smile lighting up
his features, before their lips met in another kiss.

* * * * *

It didn’t start with lust. Contrary to what most people would expect, the passion
didn’t come until later, although the attraction was always there. The longing,
the excitement, the fixation- they were all side effects of what was really happening.
Of what was boiling below the surface…their love for each other.



THE END

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A/N I have never been so sad to see a story end. I absolutely loved writing it and I want to thank everyone who reviewed ‘my baby.’ I’m so glad all of you were so open to such a controversial topic. Thank you to Allison, who continuously talks me into keeping things I’m not sure about and you guys were amazing reviewers!

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