She didn’t know what brought her here, or what it was that got her to stay.

She’d simply wanted a night out. A night away from her life. A few hours to be herself. A few moments where she didn’t have to be strong. A night away from normal.

It was funny how she wanted a normal life, and yet retreated from normal at the same time.

Normal for a Vampire Slayer was vamps, demons, and killing. But the kind of normal she wanted was college books, friends, and parties. She wanted a life that wasn’t hers. A life she could never even get close to.

So that’s what brought her here. That’s why she’d made her way to Willy’s bar. A demon bar. A bar normal for a Vampire Slayer.

Normal didn’t even exist. And she realized that now. Normal was something she could never obtain.

As she downed her third shot of alcohol, Buffy’s head was already spinning slightly. Buffy and alcohol? Unmixy things.

“Slayer, or, erm, Buffy,” Willy started, his voice suggesting how unsure of himself he was. Always having to watch out for a pissed off Slayer was kind of not easy. “You haven’t said two words since you came in…other than to order. Wanna say what’s goin’ on?”

He was treading on thin ice, and he knew it. He was making conversation, or attempting to, with a Slayer who looked kind of empty in the head at the moment. She just kept staring with that blank look on her face.

Empty eyes, once full of life, traveled from her empty glass to meet his. “What?” She asked, her voice a little hoarse. She hadn’t even heard a word he said. But something in her brain clicked and told her that he said something.

“What’s wrong?” Willy asked again.

“Oh,” she sighed out, pushing the empty glass aside. “Just needed to get away I guess.”

“Right,” Willy answered, trying to sound sympathetic.

Truth was, Buffy felt like shit. She suddenly felt like the evil she was supposed to kill.

A few hours ago, she had been the reason that Xander lost his eye, girls’ lives were taken, and now she’d lost the trust of all the Slayers in training.

She felt like she’d made the dumbest decision of her life. She’d taken a huge risk and gone to the vineyard. Which resulted in more pain and death than she was ready for.

After getting home…she couldn’t endure the looks of hatred, anger, and some even pitied her.

It was two bottles of beer later before Buffy was loosened up enough to talk. “So…I get these girls killed,” she told him in a slurred voice. The story had already started to be told to Willy a moment ago. “And then…Xander gets his eye all… gouged out.” Buffy cringed through her words, feeling guilt seep into her alcohol-filled haven. “And my friends…well, would you still be my friend if I did all this to you, Willy?” She giggled somewhat, a grin breaking out. “Of course you would,” she answered for him. “You’re a great guy, Willy.”

“Gee, thanks, Slayer,” he said, a somewhat uncomfortable smile forming.

“No problem, Willy…” Her voice had turned to a mumble. The small twinge of guilt was now taking over her drunken stupor. “I could’ve done something better though, right?” Her tone had none of the cheery effects it did only seconds before. “I…”

As her voice trailed into nothing, her eyes glazed over and her thoughts seemed to go miles per second. “I think I’ve ruined their lives, Willy…I think…I think that they should’ve never gotten involved.” She then slammed her empty glass onto the counter for effect. “Damn it! I should’ve never been involved. I hate being the Slayer…and I hate that there are vampires and demons. Because…it’s my job to kill them and I don’t stop until I’m dead…” She thought for a moment. “Then again…when’s the last time death stopped me?” A long sigh floated from her throat as she looked down at her hand. Small shards of the broken glass were stuck in jagged cuts, but she didn’t make a move to clean her hand.

“I just…” She looked up at Willy once again. “I just wish that all of us could’ve had normal lives is all.”

The bar was silent from that moment until the drunken Slayer stumbled from the barstool and headed out.

Tears formed beneath her eyelids, but she couldn’t let them fall now.

Normal would never come to her. It was time to go home and face the harsh looks from the people she’d always managed to hurt.

-----

Inside the bar, a young woman with short blond hair paid her tab and slipped on her coat as she walked out of Willy’s Place. The youthful woman only stared at the direction she knew the Slayer had gone. Suddenly, her face shifted into that of a demon as her hand came to clutch a glowing necklace. “Wish granted,” she said with a grin.

And as the clicks of the heels of the vengeance demon drifted down the road, the night was left in silence.

In this stillness a magic began to stir that would alter the world and the lives of those in it.

Buffy had expected a hangover the second her brain came into consciousness. But when the unbearable headache never came, she willed her eyes to slowly open.

Immediately knowing that things weren’t right, she shot up, only to realize she wasn’t exactly wearing anything. Without looking down, she pulled the sheet up to cover herself and looked around the room that she didn’t recognize.

The walls were a cheery, pale yellow with a pretty trim. Cherry wood furniture was situated throughout the room, unused candles sitting on top.

Not to mention the room wasn’t even hers.

With her heart pounding in her chest, Buffy reached to run a hand through her hair. What she found surprised her. As her fingers slid through the locks, she found layers that she knew weren’t there before. Her hair felt healthier, better taken care of. When a strand came into her sight, her eyes widened.

Her hair was no longer blond, but a deep chestnut brown. Shooting her gaze across the room, it landed on a full-length mirror. Her own reflection surprised her.

She was a golden tan, and healthy-looking. Her once-blond hair was chestnut brown with other rich brown highlights added in. It made her look like such a different person, but she had to admit she loved it.

“Something wrong?” Buffy’s eyes widened but she didn’t move. The voice was not only coming from the same bed that she was in, but the owner of the voice was lying right beside her. Probably also naked.

‘Oh, God…was I this drunk last night?’

“Buffy?” Buffy didn’t know it was possible, but her eyes widened slightly again. Spike. She was in a bed with Spike.

Trying not to alarm him in any way, she gulped down her questions and let her eyes return to their natural size. Slowly, she let her gaze fall to meet his.

Yep. It was Spike. But in a way, it wasn’t.

His hair was a little longer. It was a medium brown with the tips bleached. Not that she didn’t like the bleach blond, because she did, but this made him have an even sexier look.

“Buffy?” He repeated with the same British accent. “Are you okay, luv?”

“Spike?” Her voice finally whispered.

“Were you expecting someone else?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. But she tilted her head slightly. Because beneath the playful exterior of his tone, she could sense some resentment.

“What…happened?” She asked weakly, not knowing what was going on.

“What do you mean, Sweetheart?” He asked, suddenly becoming concerned. He sat up, inching closer to her and put a comforting arm on her shoulder. “Something wrong?”

Sweetheart? What the hell was going on?

“Spike, I--”

Buffy was cut off as a shy, soft knock was heard on the bedroom door. “Yes?” Spike answered.

“Can I come in?” Buffy’s eyes narrowed inwardly, though she didn’t show her confusion on the outside. The voice was that of a very young girl. Probably only around the age of five or six.

“Hold on,” Spike answered and reached over on the floor. He brought up his pants and shirt. He threw the shirt to her for her to put on as he got out of the bed and slipped the pants on.

As Buffy numbly slipped the shirt on her head, she saw Spike walking toward the closed blinds. Her eyes and mouth both widened in protest as he opened them, sunlight pouring over his features.

That’s when something else hit her about him.

He was tan. Not pale. And as the sun continued to wash over him, and he didn’t burn, she had to remind herself to breathe. Walking back over to the bed, Spike climbed in, laying on the sheets. “Okay,” he called to the girl on the other side of the door.

Slowly the door opened to reveal a sweet, slender little girl. Her hair was thin and a light brown and it was slightly messy from a night’s sleep. As the girl came closer, Buffy saw her eyes and immediately recognized them as Spike’s.

‘Oh, God…’

Suddenly, the girl broke out into a run and jumped up onto the bed, climbing into Buffy’s arms.

Not wanting to upset the small girl, Buffy returned the embrace numbly. After giving Buffy a kiss on the cheek, the girl moved over to Spike and climbed into his lap.

“Morning, Daddy,” she said after giving him his kiss.

“Mornin’, Celeste,” he replied, his lips kissing the top of her head. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yep. I had a dream that Snuggles decided not to be runned away anymore so he came back home. And we bought him better kitty food, so he stayed here.”

“That sounds like a nice dream,” Spike replied with an enthusiastic grin.

“It was. Hey, Mommy, can we get a new Snuggles? I know you said I should wait to see if the real one comes home, but…please?”

Buffy’s heart was breaking, building, and pounding all at the same time. The girl was so full of life and her voice was just so adorable.

But Mommy? Celeste had been addressing Buffy as Mommy…?

Spike looked to Buffy with concerned eyes when she only stared at their daughter in confusion. “Buffy?”

The brunette seemed to snap out of it and quickly pasted a cheery grin on her confused face. “Yeah,” she replied, trying not to let the fear seep into her voice. “We’ll look later, okay?”

Celeste seemed to be content with her mother’s answer as she nodded enthusiastically.

Suddenly, a baby’s cries could be heard in a room close to the one Buffy was in. She had to fight herself from looking confused.

But as she studied Spike’s features, she couldn’t stop her own frown from forming. At the sound of the baby cries, his cheerful expression faltered and a pained one replaced it. But less than a second later, the cheery front was put back up again. “Buffy…could you get Matthew?” He suddenly asked, not making eye contact with her.

With a slight frown, she looked over on her side of the bed and found pajama pants. Without getting out from under the covers, she slipped them on then slowly made her way out.

Walking toward the sound of cries, Buffy was surprised at how different this house was from her own. Finally finding the room, she slowly walked over to the crib. Inside lay a baby of no more than nine-months-old. “Hey,” she said in a hoarse whisper, feeling tears in her eyes. What the hell was wrong with her. What the hell was going on?

The boy stopped his cries at the sight of his mother and a small laugh came from his throat instead. Picking him up somewhat awkwardly, she could already smell the problem. “Ew,” she mumbled, spotting the changing table.

When the diaper was taken care of, Buffy just held what was supposed to be her son.

She didn’t know what was going on, or what had happened, but for some reason, this felt right. Two children. This baby. Celeste. It just felt right.

“How’s Matt doing?” Spike’s voice questioned from the doorway. Turning to face him, Buffy smiled slightly. “Good…may need to be fed though.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Spike informed her. As he walked over and took the baby, she felt a little empty as he left the room.

There had been no good morning kiss. No exchange of sweet words. Nothing.

If there’s one thing she knew about Spike, it was that he was definitely the type who would give a million good morning kisses if he had the chance.

Of course she wasn’t actually expecting the kiss. Or any sort of touching. But for some reason, in this world, it left her feeling empty without it.

Pushing the feelings aside, Buffy slowly walked downstairs. The house was smaller than the one she had at home, but not by much. It was bright and cheery throughout. The staircase had patterned white carpet with hints of gold.

Focusing her attention on the sounds of talking, she found the kitchen.

Spike sat in a chair at the table, feeding the baby who was in his high chair. Celeste was quietly eating a bowl of cereal as cartoons played on a mini TV on the kitchen counter. “I made you breakfast, Mommy!” Celeste announced proudly, pointing to a messily made bowl of cereal sitting in the spot beside Spike.

Smiling, Buffy walked over and sat down. As she returned her daughter’s grin, she took a bite of the cereal.

“Sorry I’m late!” A familiar voice called from the front door in the other room as it opened. As the owner of the voice jogged into the room, Buffy’s eyes widened. Dawn.

“Mom told me that you needed me to drive Celeste to school this morning,” Dawn continued as Celeste ran from her seat to give her Aunt Dawnie a hug. “Hey, Sweetie.”

“Thanks, Dawn,” Spike replied with a soft smile. “I have to be into work a bit earlier today. I’m not making you late for school am I?”

“Nope. Still got about twenty minutes. So, I need to hurry. C’mon, Celeste.” The girl eagerly ran to get her coat and backpack. Dawn let her gaze rise to meet her sister’s. “Hey,” she said, causing Buffy to wince inside. Dawn had been so cheery only moments before. But now her tone hinted some tension between the two sisters. Buffy had definitely done something to piss her off in this reality.

“Hey,” came Buffy’s almost-confused reply. Then it hit her the full of what Dawn said. ‘Mom told me…’

Mom. Joyce was still alive. “How’s Mom?” Buffy suddenly asked, her tone containing more volume than anything she’d said this morning.

Dawn looked slightly shocked at the question, but quickly recovered. “She’s good. She’s still trying to find a buyer for the gallery. You know all that crap she’s talking about her being to old to run an art gallery or something.” Dawn rolled her eyes, but then smiled toward her sister. “She’s good though.”

Buffy couldn’t keep the joy hidden from her face, and she wasn’t trying to. Her mother was alive.

Who cares where this reality came from? She loved it.

It was later when Dawn had left with Celeste and Spike had put Matthew back to bed. Spike had on a brown-colored, casual dress suit and was getting ready to leave for work.

Whatever ‘work’ was, Buffy didn’t know.

“I’ll be home a little later today,” he said somewhat distantly. Why was it that he was only distant with her? He was so cheerful with Dawn, Celeste, and Matthew. But with Buffy…there seemed to be a coldness separating them. “So, if you don’t want to wait up, that’s fine.”

Buffy swallowed the hurt and numbly nodded. “Yeah,” she replied, hugging her arms around herself.

Spike looked up and saw the hurt she was trying to hide. Sighing, he closed his eyes. If he didn’t stop holding this thing against her, their marriage would go to hell. Sure, she deserved to have it held against her…but he loved her. Opening his eyes, he took a deep, calming breath. He may not be able to forgive her completely yet, but he didn’t need to hurt her so much in the process.

Walking forward, he wrapped his arms around the brunette and held her close. Closing his eyes, he kissed the top of her head as she leaned into him.

Buffy didn’t know why she found his embrace so comforting, but it suddenly filled the empty spot she’d had since this new reality. “I just need to help the law firm out and finish up the paperwork for a case, okay? I promise I’ll be home by eleven.”

And with that he pulled away, leaving her with nothing but a smile.

When Buffy was at home with no one but a sleeping baby, she found herself with plenty of time to think.

Something she had done had completely altered reality. She was now thrown into a world where her mother was alive, she was married to Spike, Spike had some type of old grudge held against her. It wasn’t completely ruining their relationship, but it damn well wasn’t helping it.

Dawn was a bright, happy teenage girl…nothing like the sad one from the vampire/demon reality.

Joyce was alive. That enough made it Heaven.

Two beautiful children were hers, and seemed to love her.

Why she was married to Spike, she didn’t know. But her feelings here for him went through the ceiling and she couldn’t explain it. Maybe the deep love feelings came along with the reality?

Shaking it from her mind, Buffy just sat back in the couch.

Everything she ever wanted was in this reality.

A slow smile spread when this was realized in her own head.

Normal…

Normal was nice.

Of course she’d waited up for him the night before. He’d finally come through the door around 11pm.

The look on his face when he realized that she’d stayed up was that of pure awe. When they’d both gone up to bed, they’d done much more than sleep.

And now Buffy lay there, naked under the sheets with him sleeping at her side. He’d went right to sleep. No kiss. No hug. Nothing.

But Buffy couldn’t even get her eyes to close.

What they had just had was sex.

It wasn’t making love. It was sex.

There weren’t kisses or any gestures to hint into love. In fact, she hadn’t heard him say ‘I love you’ since this whole thing started. And it did bother her, damn it.

Something was definitely wrong in this reality. She’d done something to taint their marriage, and it didn’t look like forgiveness was going to be easy. Or even possible.

In the real world, the one where she was a Slayer, Buffy had just been discovering new feelings for Spike. She didn’t know if they were love. She honestly didn’t. But it was something.

In this new world, the feeling of love for Spike and her children were off the scales. So now, the fact that he could hardly look at her…

Well, it hurt like hell.

With nighttime skies still outside, Buffy climbed out of bed without awakening her husband and walked across the room. After slipping her robe on, she carefully exited the room and made her way down the darkened stairwell.

As she shuffled into the kitchen, the harsh light hit her eyes after flipping the switch. She needed something to help her sleep. Because with the thoughts that were racing through her head, she knew that she’d never get to sleep.

After she made her self a cup of warm tea, Buffy made her way into the living room and turned a table lamp on.

As her eyes scanned the room, she found her gaze landing on a thick leather-bound book. A photo album.


Upstairs, Spike couldn’t help the chills he was getting from being alone in the bed. When he turned to see why Buffy wasn’t close to him like she usually was, he found that she wasn’t even in the room.

“Daddy?”

Spike turned toward the small, sleepy voice to find a tired Celeste standing in the doorway. After slipping some boxers on underneath the covers, he held out his arms, signaling that she could come over to him.

“What’s wrong, Princess?”

“I had a bad dream,” she said with a small pout. Ah, her mother’s pout.

“I’m sorry.”

“I dreamed that Mommy went away.”

This perked Spike’s attention up, as he stared at her with confused eyes. “What?”

“Mommy was crying and then she went away. And you made me and Matty get a new Mommy.” It was easy to tell that the five-year-old was on the verge of tears, so Spike quickly reassured her.

“Honey, your mommy isn’t going anywhere, okay?”

She nodded, sniffling a little. “I know it was just a dream,” she agreed but couldn’t stop the tear that fell. “But my friend Ashley says that her mommy went away. She said that her mommy and daddy used to yell. And then she just left.”

“But your mom and I don’t yell,” he assured her, though he knew that he and Buffy didn’t need to yell in order for their to be unbearable tension.

“I know.” She suddenly looked up at him with wide eyes. “Do you still love Mommy?”

Spike’s eyes went so wide that he was sure they were about to fall from their sockets. “What?”

“Ryan says that his Daddy really loves his Mommy. He said they fell on love.”

“You mean ‘fell in love’?”

“Yeah. I think so. Ryan says that his Mommy and Daddy are always doing gross stuff like kissing and saying weird things to each other like ‘your eyes are like big swimming pools’.”

Spike couldn’t help the small grin at his daughter mix up of words.

“So what do Ryan and Ashley’s parents have to do with me, Sweetie?” He asked calmly.

“Because you and Mommy haven’t done gross stuff in long time. And you never told Mama that her eyes were like big swimming pools. Does that mean you fell off of love?”

Spike felt his eyes tearing up, knowing that his daughter had much more insight than she would ever even know. “No, we didn’t fall out of love, Princess.”

“But Mommy seems sad. I don’t want her to leave. Can we make Mama happy tomorrow, Daddy? We should take her somewhere. Like to the swings. I always feel better when I go to the swings.”

Placing a loving kiss on the top of her head, Spike nodded. “Yeah, tomorrow, we’ll make Mom happy.”

“Are you still mad at her?” Celeste asked quietly. Her questions were changing so fast, Spike could hardly keep up with them.

“What?”

“Remember a looong time ago. When Matty was still inside of Mama’s belly?” Spike nodded. “You and Mommy weren’t being nice to each other. And Mommy was sad, and so were you. And I asked you what was wrong. You told me that you were just mad at Mommy for a little while. You said she did something she wasn’t supposed to. Are you still mad at her for it?”

Spike couldn’t even begin to form a reply. Hearing his daughter bring up the touchy subject of what happened between him and Buffy was hard. Finally, he regained himself.

“Sweetheart…I’m not mad at Mommy anymore, okay? We’re still trying to work together to make things right again. But, she’s not going to leave us, alright?” Celeste nodded, seemingly okay with his answer. “How about I go tuck you in again, huh?” She nodded with a grin, already heading back to her room.

Once Celeste was back in her own bed, Spike put on a shirt with his boxers and made his way quietly down the stairs. He stopped at the bottom, seeing a light coming from the living room.

As quietly as he could, he went and stood in the doorway of the living room. There his Buffy was, on the floor with the photo album in her lap. Silent tears were tracking down her cheeks as she tried to keep her pain hidden in the quietness of the house. As he walked over to her, she turned her eyes to meet his. “Sorry if I woke you, I-” Her words were cut off as he lightly grabbed her arm and pulled her off the floor. Before she could question his movements, his lips met hers in a tender, soothing kiss.

She was so wrapped up in her feelings from the real world, and in this alternate reality, that she took the opportunity without question. She found herself thinking that if this was the only moment she got with him like this, she couldn’t survive.

When the kiss finally ended, both of them took in deep breaths, foreheads resting against one another’s.

Spike wasn’t surprised to find his own tears. It’d been so long since they’d been able to connect with love instead of need. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do that sooner,” he whispered out, not trusting his voice.

Buffy just nodded, not knowing how to reply.

What could this alternate reality Buffy have done to screw up this perfect world?

A/N: Thought I’d give you a little bit of Spuffy here before more angst comes. The next chapter will have Spuffy in it too.