---

A/N Words cannot express how hesitant I am to post this story. After the amazing reviews that Whispers in the Dark has gotten, I’ve been a little insecure about posting a new story, so please review and let me know if I should continue.

---

Chapter 1 - Unattainable


Buffy hurriedly cleaned up her area of the club, eager to get home for the
night and hoping that her boss Parker would let her off early for the
night. She knew it was wishful thinking. Parker Abrams didn’t know how to
let someone go home early, especially since he enjoyed gawking at the
waitresses that were on duty.

Buffy glanced around the club. It was getting unusually busy for this time
of night. Granted, Chaos was one of the hottest clubs in Los Angeles, but
it was almost two in the morning, and another swarm of people were walking
in.

Buffy sighed, throwing her towel down on the tray as she carried it back up
to the bar. Buffy propped her elbows on the flat surface, letting her chin
fall into her hands.

“Rough night, sugar?” the bartender Lorne asked.

Buffy smiled at the name. Lorne was always calling the waitresses by pet
names, but Buffy’s theory was that so many girls worked on each shift, he just
couldn’t keep them all straight. “I’m just ready to go, that’s all,” Buffy
said with a shrug.

“Only another half hour,” Lorne replied, comfortingly patting her hand
before he turned to wait on another customer.

Buffy turned, leaning against the bar as she looked through the crowd of
dancers. She spotted a few of her fellow waitresses, but most were nowhere
to be seen.

‘Just as well,’ Buffy thought. ‘Not like anyone comes in here for food
after midnight anyway.’

* * * * *

Spike Thornton watched the cute little blonde with interest. She was leaning
against the bar with a bored look on her face, obviously not wanting to be
here. He noticed the impossibly short black skirt, barely covering the tan
expanse of her thighs, and the flimsy halter that showed a generous amount of
cleavage.

Most of the men, and some women, were checking her out right and left, but
the same disinterested look stayed on her face. Spike turned and whispered
something to his manager before facing the blonde again.

Spike’s manager Liam Angelus quickly sought out the owner of the club. He
wasn’t too hard to find since owners generally stayed close to the VIP
section. Parker Abrams listened carefully to Angelus before nodding and
winding his way through the club, stopping in front of Buffy.

“Hey, Buff, you doing okay?” Parker asked, pretending to be interested.

“Actually, Parker,” Buffy said, standing up straighter as she turned to face
her boss. “I was wondering if I could take off a little early tonight.
There’s no one left in my section, and there’s more than enough girls to
cover for me.”

“Actually,” Parker replied. “There isn’t.” At Buffy’s confused look, he
continued. “Most of them are in the VIP section.”

Buffy’s eyes moved to the doorway and noticed a man who looked vaguely
familiar lock eyes with hers. He stared at her for a moment, tilting his
head slightly, before raising his glass to her.

“So…I just hang around and do nothing for an hour?” Buffy asked with a small
smile as she looked back at her boss.

“Actually…you’re requested in the VIP room as well,” Parker said.

Buffy’s eyes shot over to the blonde before looking back at Parker. “To
work?”

“More or less,” Parker replied with a shrug.

“More or…oh! Oh no, definitely not!”

“Buffy, Spike Thornton has requested your presence, and I think it would be
wise to take him up on his offer.”

‘Spike Thornton,’ Buffy thought, her eyes widening as she looked over at the man again. ‘Lead singer of Nightstalkers, I don’t think so.’

“Parker, I have no intention of taking Spike Thornton up on any offer,” Buffy
said in a very clear tone.

“At least go in there, Buff,” Parker said. “Faith, Gwen, and Anya are
already there, and now he’s asking for you.”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Buffy cried in indignation. “I have no
intention of catering to every little whim of a rock star just because he
happens to be famous! I’m not for sale, Parker!”

“It’s not like that, Buffy.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said sarcastically. “I’m so sure. It’s not Faith’s first
time in that room, Parker. Girls talk…I know exactly what goes on behind
those doors, which is why I’ve never been through them.”

“Don’t risk losing your job, Buffy,” Parker said, his voice dropping
deceptively low.

“You would really fire me over this?” she asked in disbelief.

“I guess we’ll find out if you don’t go in there.”

Buffy clenched her jaw so tight she thought it would break. She hated the
man standing in front of her. She hated this job, but it was the only way
to pay for school, and that was something Buffy couldn’t risk. She was
twenty-one, going on fifty, and she hated it, but she couldn’t lose this job.

With a heavy sigh, Buffy followed her boss to the man in the doorway.

“Buffy Summers, meet Spike Thornton,” Parker said, making a big show of the
introductions.

Spike smiled warmly at the woman in front of him, taking one of her hands to
kiss it tenderly, not letting go immediately after. “Pleasure to meet you,
Buffy,” he purred in a silken voice.

Buffy jerked her hand out of his grasp, glaring at him the entire time.
Spike raised an eyebrow, surprised by her attitude. Every woman he’d met
for the past two years was all too eager to get closer to him. This was
almost refreshing if he hadn’t been so attracted to her. Almost.

Parker gave Buffy a little nudge as Spike held the door to the room open for
her, and she quickly turned her glare to him. “I’m off in fifteen minutes,
Parker,” she hissed. “And I will be leaving.”

With a heavy sigh, Buffy followed Spike through the door into the dimly lit
room. She recognized several celebrities among the people. She had to
suppress a snort as a pack of girls surrounded Spike, demanding his
undivided attention.

Buffy saw this as her lucky break. Slipping away, she made her way to one
of the darkened booths, sitting down and letting the heavy shadows swallow
her. ‘Fifteen minutes,’ Buffy thought. ‘Fifteen minutes, and then I can
leave.”

Buffy repeatedly checked the clock that was visible to her above the main
doorway. Drumming her fingers on the tablecloth, she couldn’t will the
seconds to go by fast enough. At the ten minute mark, Buffy swallowed a gasp when she
felt someone sit down next to her.

“Thought you’d run off, luv,” Spike said with a smirk.

“Well, I was going to, but I’m not allowed out of this hellhole for another
ten minutes,” she replied with a bite in her voice.

“Lucky for me,” he said in a husky voice as he gently traced a finger over
the bare skin of her shoulder.

Buffy hurriedly moved out of the way, but unfortunately for her, not out of
his reach since he just slid closer to her, effectively pushing her against
the wall.

“Look,” she said through gritted teeth. “I don’t know what you want with
me, but you’re not going to get it, alright? I’m not a stalker, I’m not a
member of your little fan-club,” she said, gesturing to the girls that were
obviously seething with jealousy as they watched the couple in the booth
interacting. “Hell, I’m not even a fan,” Buffy finished.

Spike chuckled lightly as he looked at her. “Let me take you home, pet,” he
said in a soft voice.

“What?” Buffy asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Did you not hear a
word I just said? I don’t want to be with you in any way, shape, or
form…you got it?”

“Maybe,” he replied, biting his lip playfully as he stared at her. “But I
happen to have a very strong power of persuasion.”

“Well, let me help you out. I don’t go for the clothes, attitude, fame, or
fortune, so you really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade me.”

“Then what do you go for, pet?” Spike asked with a small smile on his face.

Buffy found herself staring at the expression. The man sitting in front of
her now wasn’t the arrogant rock star- he looked like
nothing more than a hopeful little boy. Shaking herself out of her reverie,
Buffy looked at the clock again before turning her attention back to him.
“If you have to ask, you and I really wouldn’t be good together. Now…if
you’ll excuse me…”

When Spike didn’t move, she found her anger heating up as Spike smirked at
her. “I’ll let you go as long as you let me take you home.”

“Why me?” Buffy asked, her eyes narrowed.

Spike seemed to contemplate her for a moment before answering. “You’re
special,” he murmured.

“I’m unattainable,” she informed him, roughly pushing him until he had no
choice but to stand up.

Without another glance, Buffy made her way through the room, groaning when
she reached the door and noticed it being opened for her. Turning around,
she stared at Spike, who had that arrogant smirk firmly in place. With a sigh and
a shake of her head, Buffy walked through it, not looking at him as they
made their way through the club.

Stepping into the cool March air, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to rid
herself of the cigarette smoke, alcohol, and sweat that seemed to permeate
her body from working such long hours.

Spike watched her in fascination as her long hair spilled down her back in
soft curls. Her head tilted up as she stared at the starless sky. Turning
to walk away after a minute, Spike quickly caught up with her.

“What do you want?” Buffy asked in a resigned voice.

“I want to get to know you, pet.”

“Do you not get hints when they hit you in the face?” Buffy asked, turning
to face him. “I’m not looking to get laid.”

Spike chuckled. “Well, that is a little disappointing, but believe it or
not, I was talking about just getting to know you.”

“What, so we can start a meaningful relationship?” Buffy asked, her voice
threaded with sarcasm. “Not looking for one of those either,” she said,
turning and walking down the sidewalk.

“Determined little bint, aren’t you?”

“What the hell is a bint?” Buffy asked, hazarding a glance his way as Spike
chuckled.

“Not important,” he said with a shake of his head. “Now, follow me.”

Buffy felt a rush go through her as he gently took her arm, leading her
around a corner and stopping in front of a black stretch limousine.

Watching as the chauffer opened the back door when he saw them approach,
she frowned when he barely even glanced their way. ‘Must be a nightly occurrence,’ Buffy
thought.

“What are you doing?” Buffy asked as Spike turned to help her into the limo.

“I’m taking you home,” he said as if it was the most natural thing in the
world for a rock star to be offering a waitress a ride in the back of a
limousine.

“I-I really shouldn’t,” Buffy said, taking a step back as Spike tilted his
head and gave her a slight pout of his bottom lip. Buffy had to fight the
smile that threatened to emerge at the adorable look on his face.

“Come on, Buffy, I’m not asking you to sleep with me,” Spike said, watching
as she blushed three shades of red. “I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

With a sigh, Buffy looked up, staring at the darkened streets of Los
Angeles. It was obviously quicker to get home this way, but being safe in
the backseat with a very hot guy was up for debate.

Finally, with a nod of acceptance, Buffy climbed in the car. It was going
to be an interesting ride home.

Chapter 2 – Rough Ride


Buffy watched as the door of the limo slammed shut behind him. Spike slid
across the roomy backseat until he was practically on top of her.

“Do you mind?” Buffy asked irritably as his arm slid around her shoulders.

“Don’t mind at all, pet,” he replied with a smirk.

“You know, there are a million other girls that would happily give you what
you obviously want tonight.”

“What if I said what I want is you?”

“I thought we covered this a few minutes ago,” Buffy said through clenched
teeth. “I’m not for sale, and I just want to go home.”

“I’m taking you home, luv. The problem is, you never gave the driver a
destination, so we’re left to sit here and occupy our time,” he replied,
letting one of his hands drift along her collarbone and traveling lower.

Buffy took a deep breath, trying to rein in her temper before throwing open
the door and stepping out on the street.

“Buffy!”

She ignored him as she began walking down the street, hugging her arms
around her body.

“Buffy, stop!”

She felt her arm seized as she spun around to face Spike. “What?” she asked
softly, staring up at him.

“I told you I wanted you to be safe.”

“Yeah? Well, when you try and molest me in the backseat of your car, I’m
thinking it’s not my safest option. I walk home every night- there’s no
reason to make tonight any different.”

“I’m sorry, luv. You’re just not like any of the other girls I know.”

“How could you possibly know that? Just because you tried talking to me for
fifteen minutes?”

“Because you didn’t throw yourself at me like everyone else,” he said in a soft voice.

Buffy stayed quiet as they stared at each other.

“Let me take you home,” Spike said softly, giving her a gentle look before
shrugging out of his duster and wrapping it around her shoulders.

Buffy stared into his eyes, seeing the rock star persona fade away.

“I promise to behave myself,” he said with a soft smile.

“Okay,” Buffy replied with a nod as Spike led her back to the waiting limo.
Giving the driver her address, Buffy smiled at Spike when he sat in the seat
across from her. They both stayed quiet as the car pulled away from the
curb.

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” Spike asked in obvious bewilderment.

“Have you given me any reason why I should?” Buffy responded, tilting her
head to look at him.

Spike nodded, looking at his hands for a moment. “Care to tell me what I
can do to get back in your good graces?”

Buffy stared out the window as they passed the tall buildings. “Why do you
care so much?” she finally asked, never making eye contact with him.

Spike leaned forward, clasping his hands together in front of him. “I don’t
know,” he replied honestly. “Maybe I like the extra work, if the outcome is
worth it.”

Buffy finally looked over at him, nervously biting her lip as she thought
about what he’d said. “And would it be worth it?” she whispered as the car
pulled to a stop in front of her building.

“I hope so,” he replied in a whisper.

Buffy was about to respond when the door swung open. She gave the driver a
smile as she accepted his hand, stepping out of the car. Turning around to
say goodnight to Spike, she was surprised when he stepped out behind her.

“I told you I want you to get home safe, and I intend to make good on that
promise,” he said, placing his hand on the small of her back and leading her
toward the building.

“I can make it the rest of the way on my own,” Buffy said with a smile.

Spike nodded, looking at the door of the building before turning his
attention back to Buffy.

“Can I see you again?” he asked, looking like a nervous schoolboy as he
waited for her answer.

Buffy had to smile. “After everything that’s happened, you still want to
see me again?”

“Yes,” Spike replied with honesty.

Buffy worried her bottom lip as she looked around, avoiding him at all
costs. “I’m working the rest of the week.”

“What about tomorrow afternoon?” he asked, tilting his head to get her to
look at him.

“I have plans,” Buffy said softly, noticing the sudden coldness of his eyes.
“But I’m free on Saturday afternoon,” she continued.

“How about lunch?” he asked, trying to push down any jealous sensations.

“I’d like that,” Buffy replied with a nod. “But only if this guy shows up.”

Spike looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean, pet?”

“I don’t want to see the flashy rock star who gets whatever he wants,”
Buffy clarified. “I want to spend time with you, not him.”

Spike smiled before nodding. “In that case, call me Will.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “You’re serious?”

“Well, if you prefer ‘Spike’, that’s fine with me, but Spike is the ‘flashy
rock star’. Will is the guy in front of you.”

“So that’s what all of your friends call you?”

“No, that’s what my mum calls me.”

Buffy felt a flush rise to her cheeks as she smiled. “Okay, Will. I’ll see
you Saturday?”

“I’ll pick you up at twelve o’clock.”

“Sounds good,” Buffy replied as she began shrugging out of the duster.

“Keep it,” Spike said, readjusting the collar around her neck. “That way if
you try and stand me up, I’ll have a reason to track you down.”

Buffy had to smile at his logic but nodded.

“I’ll see you then, Buffy,” Spike said as he turned to leave.

“Will?” Buffy waited until he turned around before stepping forward.
Spike was practically in shock as one hand gently wrapped around his neck to
pull him lower before her lips pressed against his cheek, leaving a gentle
kiss. “Thanks for the ride home,” she said with a smile as she disappeared
into the building.

Spike smiled when the door shut behind her. “Minx.”

---

A/N Okay…um…WOW is all I can say about the number of reviews!! This was just a little filler chapter to keep you interested.

Thank you so much to: ForeversEnough, Erin, Caitie, tahmoe, ., melissa, spufette, Seraiza, Kate, Mari, gattaca, sarah g, Cordykitten, Amanda, starhawk, BuffyandSpikeForever, stace, Caroline, Alicia, blondiebear, pj, Kimber, Crystal Pegasus, Jennice, gypsy_jin, jenny, rockerbaby, songgal1, Jessica & Esther for reviewing!

---

Chapter 3 – Unexpected Surprises


Saturday afternoon arrived faster than Buffy expected.

“I let all that time fly by,” Buffy muttered to herself, frantically going
through her closet. “And now Will is going to be here in ten minutes, and I
have no idea what to wear.”

Discarding yet another pair of pants, she repressed a scream of frustration,
settling on a heavy sigh. Finally settling on her favorite jeans and a white,
gauzy sweater with a black tank top underneath, Buffy critiqued her reflection.

“Casual is better,” she decided as she looked at her herself before
running a brush through her long hair and adding some pale lip gloss. She
was putting the finishing touches on her mascara when she heard the buzzer
announcing that he was here.

“I’ll be right down,” Buffy said into the intercom, buzzing the front door
open as she slipped on a pair of black boots. Throwing open the door, Buffy
was surprised to see Spike standing there with a smile on his face.

“Hi,” she said with a shy smile, suddenly feeling very self-conscious as his
gaze perused her body.

“You look lovely, pet,” he murmured, taking a step forward and pulling his
hand out from behind his back.

Buffy’s eyes widened when he offered her a simple pink rose. “It’s
beautiful,” she whispered, taking the flower and barely noticing when his
arms wrapped around her waist.

Spike leaned down, brushing soft kisses along her jaw as he pulled her
closer to him.

“We should go,” Buffy whispered, her eyes involuntarily closing as his lips
traveled lower, brushing along her neck.

“Yeah,” he said softly, never stopping his movements.

Buffy felt lightheaded, her hands grasping his strong arms to support
herself. “We should really-“

Her breathy voice was cut off when his lips fused with hers, pushing her
against the wall as their tongues met in a gentle caress. Breaking away
after a moment, Buffy’s eyes cut over to the hallway that led to her
bedroom. Spike followed her gaze as she caught her breath.

“We really need to go,” she said with a firm nod, straightening her
shoulders and making sure she had her keys. Spike nodded in agreement,
knowing he shouldn’t push the issue, and folded his hand around hers, leading
her out of the apartment.

“Didn’t mean to get that carried away, luv,” he said softly, bringing her
hand up to his lips and leaving a gentle kiss on it. “I guess you just
bring it out in me.”

Buffy swallowed hard, her eyes diverted as they walked down the stairs. “I
never said it bothered me,” she finally replied, giving Spike a soft smile
when he held the door open and placed his hand on the small of her back,
following her out into the cool air.

“I hope you don’t mind, I thought we could walk somewhere today. I didn’t
really feel like causing a commotion with the limousine.”

Buffy laughed with a nod. “That’s perfectly fine with me. I’d actually
prefer it.”

“You didn’t like the limo?” Spike asked with a smile.

“I liked it just fine,” Buffy replied with a sheepish smile. “It’s
just…normal girl here,” she continued, gesturing to herself. “I don’t need
anything fancy or overpriced to impress me.”

“Guess I should cancel the flight to Italy for lunch,” Spike said with a
smirk as Buffy lightly swatted his shoulder.

“No, don’t cancel it,” Buffy teased him with a smile. “Just change the
destination to Paris so we can go shopping.”

Spike laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist, surprising both of them at
the ease that they were fitting together. It felt like they’d been with
each other for years, and this was only their first date.

“Any place in particular you want to go for lunch, kitten?”

“Now that you mention it, Italian does sound really good,” she said with a
giggle.

“Your wish is my command,” he said with an over-exaggerated gesture, leading
her around a corner before pointing down the street. “There’s a little
bistro about two blocks away. Are you interested?”

“Sounds good,” Buffy replied, feeling herself relaxing at the ease of their
conversation.

The couple made small talk until they turned the corner and arrived at the
small Italian eatery. “Do you want to eat inside or outside?” Spike asked,
squeezing her hand slightly.

Buffy felt her heart flutter once again at the slight pressure change of
his hand. Taking a deep breath before looking at the small patio with ivy
draped off the side of the roof and along the trellis that surrounded the
area, she turned toward Spike. “I’d say outside, unless you think you’ll be
too cold.”

Spike raised an eyebrow at her teasing, pulling her closer to him and
leaving a gentle kiss on her lips, allowing a shock to go through her with
the tender contact. “I think I’ll be okay,” he said with a smirk. “I’ll
have you there to keep me warm.”

Buffy blushed, looking away as Spike led her toward a secluded table in the
corner of the patio.

“Hi,” a pretty brunette greeted them, walking up to the table. “My name’s
Laine and I’ll be your server today. Would you like to hear our…oh my God,
Spike?”

Spike’s eyes shot up to the waitress, his brow furrowed as he tried to
remember where he’d seen her. Buffy looked back and forth between the two
people, not sure what she was witnessing.

“Do you remember me?” she asked excitedly. “We hooked up last time you were
in town. I thought you were going to be touring for a while. You should
have called me, I left you my number.”

Buffy’s entire body tensed, waiting for Spike’s reply.

“Uhh…right. Listen, pet,” he directed at Buffy. “I’ll be right back.”

Buffy didn’t say anything as Spike stood, leading the waitress a few yards
away and whispering to her.

“Look…I’m sure it was a good time and everything, but I wasn’t looking for
anything serious that night-“

“Neither was I,” she interrupted. “I’m just thinking we could have some
more fun together.”

Spike sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s not going to happen.”

Turning away from the woman, his eyes widened when he saw Buffy’s
empty chair. Frantically looking around, he didn’t see her anywhere.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he took a deep breath before running toward
the corner, hoping to catch up to her.

* * * * *

Buffy fumbled with her keys in front of her apartment building when she
heard him behind her.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. I never wanted you to see that. I’ve had a lot
of…sexual experiences, but I swear-“

“Will,” she said softly, turning around to look into his eyes when he
approached. “It’s fine…you have a past, and I understand that. I can even
accept it, but…”

Spike took a shaky breath, wanting to reach out to her but knowing that she
would want a little bit of distance. “But…what, luv?” he whispered, taking
a step closer to her.

“I just don’t think this can ever work,” Buffy said, turning to go into her
building.

“Why?” Spike asked, catching her arm. “Because I’ve slept with a lot of
women?”

“No,” she whispered, turning around to look into his eyes. “Because I was
one of them.”




Thanks so much to: Ash, Caroline, spuffette, shippy, Kimber, bint, Juanita, starhawk, Sevvy_O, Caatje, Mari, Elanor, Tahmoe, FangedCalliope, Alicia, Renee, melissa, Franchesca, pj, Caitie, stace, Cordykitten, gypsy_jin, SO, Crystal Pegasus & gattaca for reviewing!

---

A/N You guys weren’t expecting that twist? I can’t imagine why not :-) Thanks to everyone who reviewed- I would have had this chapter posted last night, but I have a sick little boy and he takes precedence over everything. And is it bad when one chapter of this fic, gets more reviews than my entire first fic? I’m going to take it as excellent for this one and feel sad for my first one :-) Thanks to everyone who has supported this story!

---

Chapter 4 - Memories


Spike stood in shocked silence for a solid minute. The longest and shortest
sixty seconds of his life. Finally comprehending what she said, he took a
deep breath. “Did I just hear you right?” he said in a raspy whisper.

“That you and I slept together? Yeah…you heard me right.”

“When?” he whispered, his eyes unfocused and looking around as he searched
his memory.

“Three years ago,” she said softly. “Look…maybe we should go inside. This
isn’t exactly the kind of thing I like discussing when my neighbors can
overhear everything.”

Spike nodded, following her into the building. His brow was still furrowed
in confusion as he walked up the flights of steps.

Buffy shut the apartment door behind him, watching as he seemed to snap out
of his trance and look around.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked worriedly.

“What? Oh…nothing. It’s just…have you ever gone from one place to another,
but you don’t remember actually going the distance?”

Buffy smiled. “Is this about the trip up the stairs or the last three
years?”

“A bit of both,” he whispered, unable to look in her eyes. “Can you
please explain it to me now?”

Buffy took a deep breath as she nodded.

* * * * *

3 YEARS EARLIER


“Willow, I can’t believe you got me all this for my birthday!” Buffy
squealed excitedly, practically hopping as she gave her best friend a hug.
“This is the best present I have ever gotten!”

“You only turn eighteen once,” Willow replied with a shrug as they were
ushered backstage. “I figured we had to go all out.”

The crowd of screaming girls nearly swallowed Buffy and Willow as they were
pushed and pulled in a certain direction. The shriek seemed to double after
a few minutes and Buffy strained to see what had caused such an uproar. She
could vaguely see two of the band members, Riley Finn and Xander Harris, as
the security guards tried to keep the fans at bay.

Buffy took a step back, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort of getting five
feet closer if she was going to get trampled in the process.

“They’re crazy, aren’t they?”

Buffy turned at the sound of the voice and offered a small smile at the dark-haired man standing beside her. “They’re definitely…enthusiastic,” she agreed with a nod.

“Why aren’t you joining them?”

“Is it really worth it?” Buffy asked with a shrug. “It’s not like there
will be a chance in hell of one of them singling me out to talk to, so why
bother? I’m perfectly comfortable playing the role of admirer.”

The man tilted his head, looking at her with appreciation. “Well, today
might be your lucky day,” he said with a grin.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m Angel,” he replied, holding out his hand and waiting until she
tentatively shook it. “I’m the band’s manager. Could you follow me?”

Buffy hesitantly stepped forward as Angel placed his hand on the small of
her back. She knew it wasn’t very wise to go somewhere with a man she just
met, but the door that he led her through and entrance and down a hallway
that was lined with security guards. She felt a little safer here than she
did with the crowd.

Watching as Angel knocked on a door at the end of the hall, Buffy’s eyes
widened when a bleached blonde answered.

‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.’

The mantra seemed to run through Buffy’s head as Angel lightly pushed her
toward the lead singer.

“Spike, I’ve brought you some company.”

Spike raised an impressed eyebrow as he looked the girl over. She could
feel her skin heating up under his gaze as he perused her body.

“You two have fun,” Angel said with a wink and smirk before walking back
down the hall.

Buffy bit her lip as Spike held the door of the dressing room open. “Come
on in, pet. No need to be shy.”

She could feel her breathing escalate as the door shut behind them.

“Did you enjoy the concert, Goldilocks?” he whispered, gently pressing her
against the door while his fingers ran through her hair.

“Um…yeah,” Buffy whispered, her heart slamming in her chest.

“That’s good, luv,” he said softly, his lips close to her ear.

“Maybe I should-”

All coherent thought left her body when she felt his lips gently slide over
hers in a tender kiss. She felt as if she was drowning when her eyes
fluttered shut, her hands reaching up to wind around his neck. She knew in
that moment that she was lost. She knew that she would give him
anything…and she did.

* * * * *

“So that’s it,” Buffy said quietly as Spike sat on her couch, his head in
his hands, trying desperately to remember something…anything about that
night. “I went to sleep afterward and you…”

“I left,” Spike muttered, looking at the floor.

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly as he raised his pain-filled eyes to hers.

“Was I your first?” he whispered.

Buffy took a deep breath and swallowed hard before nodding. “You were,” she
confirmed, watching as he dropped his head into his hands again, hearing the
deep sigh that erupted from him.

“Was I…I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Buffy shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it from his current position.
“I don’t really have another first time to compare it to, but you were
gentle if that’s what you were wanting to know.”

“I’m so sorry, Buffy,” he said in a choked voice, raising his eyes to hers.

“Will, I was there, too. I could have asked you to stop or walked out. You
didn’t hold me in that room…I wanted to be there.”

“There’s been so many cities…so many concerts and I just…I want to remember
so much,” Spike whispered, the tone of his voice nearly breaking Buffy’s
heart. “You probably hate me.”

“I did,” Buffy admitted. “I did for a long time, but I couldn’t hold on to
that forever. It’s not like I expected a big rock star to really pay
attention to me in the first place.”

“But I did…I would have and I…”

“Thanks,” she said with a small smile.

“And the club?”

“I saw you and all of those old feelings came back,” she said softly. “I
didn’t want to risk getting close to you again.”

“Why the change?”

Buffy shrugged, absently playing with her thumbnail. “People change. They
evolve, they mature, and you seemed different. One lunch couldn’t hurt
anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” he asked gently.

“You mean, start off a conversation with- ‘Hi, I’m the girl you screwed in
another city. Do you remember me?’”

Spike slowly stood up, walking over to her chair and kneeling before her.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered.

“Don’t say what?”

“Luv, I might not remember anything, and words can’t express how sorry I am,
but I am sure we didn’t screw, shag, or fuck.”

Buffy flushed as he continued, gently tucking a piece of hair behind her
ear.

“We made love,” he said softly.

“Just apparently not very memorable,” Buffy whispered, her insecurities
coming to the forefront as Spike closed his eyes.

“I didn’t…I’m sorry,” he said again before standing up. “Maybe I should
go.”

“Did you mean what you said?” Buffy asked before he reached the door.

“What’s that, luv?” he asked quietly.

“That this,” she began as she gestured in between the two of them. “That
whatever we have between us could be worth it?”

“I did,” he replied honestly.

“And now?”

“I still do.”

“Stay,” she whispered.

“Buffy, I don’t think-”

“Just hold me?”

A smile finally crossed Spike’s face as he nodded, holding out his arms and
feeling the tension leave his body when Buffy stepped into the embrace.




Thanks so much to: Sevvy_0, TammyAsh666, spuffette, Spike_rulez, Rachel, starhawk, Kate, tahmoe, Alicia, melissa, Rana, Kimber, Juanita, jenny m., Caroline, SO, FangedCalliope, Franchesca, Ash, gattaca, Charlene, humint, Mari, blondiebear, Chubby109, Cordykitten, hotlipedjen, kate, Crystal Pegasus, pj, BuffyandSpikeForever, Dee, Shawnie, Caitie, bint, spikeslovebite, gypsy_jin, songgal1, Laine & slayer rock chick for reviewing!

Chapter 5 – What If...


Stretching luxuriously, Buffy opened her eyes and jumped when she saw the
deep blue gaze staring back at her.

“Morning, sunshine,” Spike said with a smile. “How did you sleep?”

Buffy snuggled closer to him when she remembered she’d asked him to spend
the night, nuzzling against his chest and causing a chuckle to erupt from
his throat. “With you here? Never better.”

“That’s always nice to hear,” Spike whispered, brushing his lips along the
top of her head.

Slowly pushing herself away from him, Buffy sat up and looked deep into his
eyes. They were almost navy as she stared at him.

“William,” she whispered in a breathy voice, feeling her stomach tie itself
into knots as she took a deep breath. “Kiss me?”

Smiling at her simple request, Spike’s lips met hers in a tender kiss. His already painfully hard erection, as a result of simply waking up next to her, grew even harder as her tongue brushed against his.

Buffy moaned, flipping them over to move up his body and straddle his waist. Spike’s hands immediately grabbed her thighs but didn’t bother to stop her advances as she grinded her hips against his.

Following her instincts, Buffy’s mind was all over the place. ‘What if he
does the same thing he did all those years ago? What if I never see him
again? What if he stays today and then I wake up tomorrow morning and he’s
gone?' Making a decision, Buffy pressed her lips to his in a more passionate
kiss, feeling the evidence of his obvious arousal against her leg. ‘What if
you allow yourself to fall for him and it happens anyway, Summers? You want
this, there’s no denying it. If it’s just for fun, it’s better to find out
now instead of getting anymore feelings involved.’

Pulling away from his lips, Buffy stripped her tank top over her head and
let it flutter to the floor. Nervously biting her lip, she watched as
Spike’s eyes clouded over with lust as he took in the soft curves and smooth
skin that were suddenly exposed to his hungry gaze.

Buffy was about to climb off of his lap when she felt his lips brush along
one of her breasts. Her body automatically arched against him, urging him
on as her hands threaded through his hair, pulling him closer to her. She
could feel his hands on her back, pulling her closer to him as his tongue
swept over her nipple, allowing a low moan to escape from her throat.

Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked up at her with lust-filled eyes,
panting for air. “If you want to stop-”

He was immediately silenced as Buffy crushed her lips to his, pressing her
body against his chest. Spike’s arms banded around her, pulling her closer
to him as the kiss deepened. The intensity of the moment surprised them
both, letting their tongues lazily brush together. In spite of the passion
that was racing through both of them, their lips seemed to be caught in a
slow pace, enjoying the tenderness of the moment, even as their bodies
continued to move together.

Buffy’s hands trailed over Spike’s bare chest, enjoying how the muscles
flexed whenever her fingertips came in contact with his skin. The sharp
ridges and planes of his chest and abs had her pushing even harder against
him.

Leaning back, Buffy looked into his eyes, playing with the hardened outline
of his erection through the thick denim. “Can I trust you?” she asked,
smiling at his confused expression.

“Trust me?”

“I’m safe…are you?”

Understanding dawned on Spike’s features as he nodded. “I’m safe, I swear,
but if you would rather-”

His offer was silenced by her lips against his. Reaching for his jeans,
Buffy teasingly popped open the button and slowly dragged the zipper down,
smiling against his lips when she felt his cock practically spring from the
confining fabric. Slipping out of her pajama pants, Spike nearly jumped out
of his skin when he felt Buffy’s bare body on top of him.

Eagerly kicking off his jeans, Spike felt short of breath in anticipation.
His eyes nearly black as he pulled away to look at her, Buffy shivered at
the need in his gaze.

“Last chance,” he whispered with a smile, letting his hand trail along the
smooth expanse of her stomach, gently brushing across her breast.

Buffy trembled against his touch, closing her eyes for a moment. Before
either of them had a chance to think, her soft hand was positioning his shaft
at her entrance a split second before she sunk down on him.

Clenching his teeth as he filled her, Spike gasped for air, never feeling
this affected by a woman before.

Not giving him a chance to adjust, Buffy began moving on top of him, an evil
little smile crossing her face when she saw the desperation on his face.
“What’s the matter, baby?” she whispered, leaving soft kisses along his jaw
as her hips swiveled in a slow circle.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Spike rasped, opening his eyes to look
at her. The image of her moving on top of him nearly had him coming from
the sight alone. The first rays of the morning sunlight streamed through
the windows, casting her in a soft golden glow, enhancing every feature.

“Is that a good thing or bad thing?” Buffy asked with a misleadingly
innocent smile.

She gasped when she felt herself suddenly pinned beneath Spike as he eagerly
plunged into her body. “Very good thing,” he growled.

Minutes seemed to fly by as Buffy gasped for air, arching her body against
his, feeling her body begin to spiral out of control. Spike looked down at
her, seeing the desperate need for release, plainly written on her face.
Instead of speeding up his thrusts, Spike nearly froze, his eyes widening as
he looked at her.

Buffy’s eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly with unfulfilled desire.
“Will?” she whispered, clutching at his body, trying to urge him to speed
up.

“I remember,” he murmured, looking into her eyes, a look of relief and
disbelief in his eyes.

“Remember?” Buffy asked, her brain cloudy as she tried to focus on what he
was saying.

“I remember you,” he whispered, a smile playing on his features. “The night
we spent together…I remember.”

“Baby,” she said softly in a falsely patient voice. “You have no idea how
happy that makes me, but will you please shut up and fuck me?”

Spike had to repress the urge to laugh as he smiled and bit his lip, looking
at her with an appreciative gaze before plunging into her body with enough
force to make Buffy cry out in delight.

Dropping his head to her shoulder, Spike’s hips were practically slamming
against hers when he felt her muscles begin clenching him as a scream of
pleasure was ripped from her throat, triggering his own climax.

Both lay still, gasping for air for several long minutes before Spike
rolled away. In the aftermath, Buffy was stunned by her out of the ordinary
actions. She closed her eyes, suppressing the urge to cover her face as she
sat up with the intent of getting her clothes.

Swinging her legs over the side, Buffy jumped when she felt Spike’s arms
wrap around her waist, his lips trailing kisses along her shoulder. “Where
are you going, Goldilocks?”

“I-I thought that…”

Turning her around, Buffy saw the worried expression on his face. “Thought
that…what?” he asked, tilting his head in concern.

“I just thought that…I mean…it was fun, but…”

“It wasn’t just for fun, Buffy,” he said quietly, his brow furrowed in
worry.

“Promise?” she asked, the insecurity in her voice shining through.

Spike gave her a brief smile before pressing his lips to hers in a
reassuring kiss. “I promise.”




Thanks so much to: lara, Spike_rulez, Livia, gypsy_jin, Caitie, Seraiza, Rana, Franchesca, Crystal Pegasus, Tahmoe, Kar, Sevvy_0, Alicia, spuffette, Cordykitten, Ash, Mariana, bint, Kimber, BuffyandSpikeForever, Cayota, pj, gattaca, Mari, blondiebear, Laine, songgal1, Esther, Caroline & starhawk for reviewing!

Chapter 6 – Non-Negotiable


“So you remember me?” Buffy asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“Everything,” he whispered, his lips trailing over her shoulder and along her neck, eliciting a gasp from her as he lightly bit down on her pulse point. “The look on your face…the sounds you made…you’re amazing.”

Feeling a blush rise to her cheeks, she smiled before snuggling closer to him.

“I wasn’t that forgettable, then?”

“No,” he said seriously, looking into her eyes as he spoke before a smile played on his lips. “I just have the worst sodding memory in the world.”

Buffy giggled, feeling his lips practically attack her neck.

“Can I see you tonight?” he asked a moment later, pinning her body with his as he looked down at her.

“I have to work,” she replied with a slight pout .

“I’ll pick you up after work, then.”

A brilliant smile lit up her face as she nodded. “Okay.”

* * * * *


Surprisingly, Buffy’s weasel of a boss gave her the night off. Even though Spike had arranged to pick her up from the club, she decided to surprise him and was currently standing outside of his apartment, hoping he would be happy to see her.

“Buffy?” he said, his eyes widening when he saw that it was her. “What are
you doing here, luv?”

“Got the night off…thought maybe we could spend it together…is that okay?”

“Oh…um…yeah, that’s fine.”

“Something wrong?” Buffy asked, noticing that he had an almost dreamy look
on his face and his eyes weren’t really focusing on her.

“No. The band’s over here right now, but they won’t mind if you stopped
by.”

“Oh, well, I can come back later,” Buffy said, already turning toward the
elevator.

“No, come in,” Spike said with such intensity that Buffy turned around
again. She smiled when he held the door open for her, swatting her on the
butt as she walked through. Buffy jumped but giggled at the teasing
action.

She relaxed when she felt his arm wrap around her waist, leading her into the huge living room of the apartment. Black leather furniture and glass-top tables filled the room. A big-screen TV took up an entire wall, and Buffy was surprised to see not only the band members, but a few girls as well.

“Did I come at a bad time?” she asked, turning to look at Spike with a slightly accusing glare.

Realizing what she was implying, he shook his head. “No, this is Cordelia
Chase, Angel’s girlfriend,” he said, gesturing to the attractive brunette
who smiled and nodded at Buffy. “And this is Anya Jenkins- she’s Xander’s
girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Buffy said with a shy smile, greeting each member
of the band as Spike introduced them.

“So you’re here with Spike?” Anya asked, settling herself on Xander’s lap
and grabbing a glass of wine.

Exchanging a look with Spike, Buffy nodded, suddenly feeling insecure with
the situation of dating a rock star.

“Good,” Anya said with a bright smile. “Because if you were a groupie, I’d
be forced to kick your ass. No one gets near Xander’s penis but me, right,
baby?” she asked, glaring at her boyfriend as if she was warning him.

“Right, honey,” Xander said with a smile, obviously used to his girlfriend’s
bluntness.

Spike gently took a flustered Buffy by the elbow, pulling her toward a
hallway. “If you lot will excuse us, we’ll be back in a few,” he said with a
smirk, pulling Buffy toward the door at the end of the hall.

“Nice place,” she murmured, looking at the rest of the huge apartment as
they walked.

Nudging her through the doorway, Spike practically slammed the door and
lunged at Buffy, trailing kisses along her exposed neck. “It’s even nicer
now that you’re in it,” he said with a growl, picking her up and spinning to
push her against the door.

Buffy gasped, wondering what brought on this more forceful Spike, but
eagerly adapted to it as she moved against him, relaxing when his lips
smashed down on hers.

Closing her eyes in contentment, her breathing escalated when she felt Spike
begin to walk toward the bed, throwing her onto the soft mattress.

“What got into you?” she asked with a timid smile as he crawled up her body,
slipping his hand beneath her shirt to rub the smooth skin of her stomach.

“Nothing much,” he murmured, leaving gentle kisses along her jaw, smiling
when she turned her head to give him better access.

Buffy frowned and her body tensed when she saw the hypodermic needle lying
on the nightstand. Everything seemed to snap into place and slam into her
at the same time. The dreamy expression on his face, the relaxed stance, and
she realized why his eyes looked so strange- his pupils were constricted to
the point that they were nearly pinpoints.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Spike asked, realizing somewhere in his foggy brain
that Buffy’s body had tensed.

Shoving him away, Buffy sat up and picked up the needle. “What’s this?”

“What’s it look like?” Spike asked with a smart-aleck smirk.

“It looks like I’m leaving,” Buffy replied, straightening her clothes as she
stood up, throwing the syringe back on the nightstand.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like this,” he said, catching her arm as she walked
toward the door.

“Don’t be like what, Will?” she asked, turning around to face him. “Don’t
be concerned about myself? Don’t be scared?”

“Scared?” Spike asked, his brow knit together in confusion. “Scared of
what?”

“I’ve heard enough horror stories to know that these things never end well.”

“Never say never,” he replied with a grin before rolling his eyes when Buffy
didn’t smile. "What did you expect?”

“I expected you to go against the grain and be your own person,” she said in
frustration. “I never thought you would be the kind of guy who has to do
something like this to feel accepted.”

“It’s not about acceptance, Buffy,” he said, standing up and lighting a
cigarette, sighing when he realized the high was wearing off as he tried to
focus on the conversation. “It’s about feeling good.”

“What is it, William?”

“What’s what?” Spike asked with a sigh, dropping down onto the bed and
looking at Buffy as she crossed her arms and walked toward him.

“What drugs are you on?”

“It’s nothing, baby,” he purred, pulling her close to him, wrapping his arms
around her waist. “It’s just some heroin.”

“You must be really high to be able to say it’s just heroin,” Buffy replied,
trying to disentangle herself from his grasp.

“Look, I don’t do it a lot,” Spike said, never loosening his hold on her as
he managed to maneuver her to sit on his lap. “I just needed to relax
tonight.”

“I would have thought you would be relaxed after the morning we had,” she
said, not wanting to look in his eyes and see how different they were with
the effects of the drug.

“You know you relax me,” he murmured, trying to get her back in the mood as
he brushed kisses along her jaw. “But the band was coming over and I needed
something to take the edge off.”

“Are they all high?” Buffy asked, looking at the closed door.

“The girls aren’t and Xander doesn’t use anything.”

“So that leaves Angel, Riley, and Gunn?”

“Angel doesn’t use it a lot of the time.”

Finally looking into his eyes, Buffy shuddered when she saw how unfocused he
was. Jerking away from him, she stood up, moving further out of the way.
“You won’t even remember this conversation,” she whispered, feeling an array
of different emotions. She hated to be put in this situation…she hated that
he was putting her in this situation, but shouldn’t she feel a sense of
relief that she found this out now and not six months from now? Where was
the reprieve? Why was there a sense of loneliness all of a sudden?

“I should go,” she murmured, walking toward the door, surprised when Spike
somehow managed to beat her there, blocking her exit from the room.

“No,” he said softly.

“Will, let me go,” she said through gritted teeth, feeling unnerved and
claustrophobic in the huge room.

“I don’t want to lose you, Buffy,” he whispered, the sincerity in his voice
surprising her.

Staying quiet for a long minute, she looked at the floor, biting her lower
lip. “I don’t want to lose you, either,” she said softly. “But I…I just
can’t be with you when you’re like this.”

“To be fair, luv, you never asked.”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t ask if my potential boyfriend is a drug addict, it’s
not exactly in my normal conversations. I didn’t expect you to be living
the cliché. Do you have a room full of women waiting to fuck your brains
out when I leave?” she asked, her voice rising in anger.

“Are you jealous?” he asked with a smirk that she desperately wanted to wipe
off his face.

“Jealous? Of the potential conquests of a man who I’ve only screwed once?
Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Twice,” he corrected. “And to answer your question- no, I don’t have any ‘potential conquests’ waiting for me. The only girl for me is you.”

“Was,” she replied. “Past tense.”

“Buffy-”

“This isn’t a negotiation, William,” she said, shoving him out of the way and
opening the door. “I’m not going to get closer to you, only to watch you
kill yourself,” she said, slamming it behind her.





Thanks so much to: Laine, gypsy_jin, Seraiza, Kimber, Ash, Rana, Crystal Pegasus, TammyAsh666, Tahmoe, Sevvy_0, Spike_rulez, Ebontier, Cordykitten, Alicia, Franchesca, Caroline, Caitie, BuffyandSpikeForever, blondiebear, pj, songgal1, spikes slayer, SpikesKitten2009 & starhawk for reviewing!

Chapter 7 – Needing You


No tears were shed. Buffy was mildly surprised she hadn’t cried at all over
the course of the last twenty-four hours, but she wasn’t going to question
it. Throwing herself into her work at the club helped to keep her mind off
the situation.

The club was packed that night, and Parker had decided to have Buffy help
Lorne behind the bar. This was fine with her since it kept her away from
the groping hands of the club patrons. Definitely not one of the perks of
the job. She loved working with Lorne, though. He watched out for her and
was definitely more fun to work with than some of the girls who were
waitresses.

Fixing drinks and opening beer bottles, Buffy noticed that the club was
busier than usual. She was about to ask Lorne if there was something going
on tonight when she heard a voice that was obviously meant for her.

“He needs you, you know?”

Buffy looked up when she heard the serious tone, pausing momentarily as she
mixed a drink before focusing her attention back on the task at hand.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, raising her voice over the pulsating
music.

“I thought I should come talk to you,” Angel said, sitting down on a nearby
barstool.

“Couldn’t have found a better time of day to talk to me?” she asked
irritably. “I’m kind of on the clock here.”

“Just pretend I’m a guy who’s flirting with you and your boss won’t know
anything.”

Buffy snorted at the thought of Parker. “It’s not like he doesn’t know you.
The entire band was here a few nights ago.”

“Even better,” Angel said with a smile. “Tell him we’re planning to come
back and I’m working out the details.”

Opening a beer bottle, Buffy motioned to Lorne that she would be a few
minutes before walking over to Angel. Practically slamming the bottle in
front of him, Angel raised both eyebrows in question. “I didn’t order
anything.”

“If you’re going to sit here, I expect a tip when you leave,” she said,
fighting the pull of the smile on her lips. “Time is money, now tell me
what you’re doing here?”

“A woman after my own heart,” Angel said with a smirk as he took a long
drink from the bottle.

“I’m not after anyone’s heart,” Buffy muttered under her breath, realizing
too late that she had spoken too loud. “What do you want, Angel?”

“He needs you,” Angel replied, repeating what he said a few moments before.

“He needs the drugs more.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Look,” Buffy started, fighting the emotions churning inside of her as she
put an indifferent look on her face. “We had a nice day together. We’ve
got some memories. I’m not exactly in a place in my life where I can be a
crutch for a man who didn’t even bother to tell me that he’s got a problem.”

She quickly busied herself with wiping off the surface of the bar so the
other man couldn’t see the tears swimming in her eyes.

“He doesn’t think he has a problem,” Angel said in a quiet voice.

“Does he?” Buffy asked, making eye contact with him again.

The other man was quiet for a long moment before he spoke. “I’ve seen
worse.”

“Yeah, well I’ve seen better. There are plenty of guys out there who aren’t
users. Why should I make the effort?”

“Because I think you two understand each other.” Buffy stayed quiet as
Angel continued, “He wants to be with you.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “He wants to be with me so much that
he sent his employee to try and get me.”

“He didn’t send me.”

“Then where is he?”

“Curing his hangover with a few shots of whiskey would be my guess.”

“You’re not helping his case, Angel,” Buffy replied, seeing Parker throwing
glances her way. “I have to get back to work.”

Angel followed her the length of the bar, stopping in front of her as she
began making drinks.

“Will you just talk to him?”

“He doesn’t even want me, Angel,” she said in exasperation. “You said it
yourself- he’s curing his hangover with more alcohol. He has everything he
needs, so why are you even here?”

“Maybe because he knows how much I need you.”

Buffy froze when she heard the familiar accent, her jaw tightening as she
looked at Angel, who was smirking. “I said he was drinking- I never told you
where he was,” Angel said before leaning closer to her. “You wanted a tip?”
he asked in a low voice. “Give him another chance…he may surprise you.”

Taking a deep, steadying breath as he walked away, Buffy turned to Spike,
who was now standing next to the bar. “I’m working,” she said, turning away
from him as she opened a few more beer bottles and began dispersing them
among the customers. She was slightly disconcerted by the fact that Spike
wasn’t making an effort to talk to her, but the sane part of her brain
reminded her that it was a good thing.

After a few minutes, Buffy turned to the place he’d been standing and
frowned when she realized he wasn’t there.

“Rough night, precious?”

Turning around to face Lorne, Buffy sighed. “You could say that.”

“And does it have to do with either of the two beefcakes you’ve been
chatting with?”

“Nosy bartender,” Buffy said with a smirk as she swatted him with her towel.

“You have to find your own entertainment when you’re working,” Lorne replied
with a smile. “But I don’t think you’re going to have that problem with
entertainment value tonight.”

Frowning in confusion, Buffy turned to look in the direction of Lorne’s gaze
and saw Parker walking toward them.

“Buffy!” he called to her when he got closer. “Clock out, you’re done for
the night.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Parker said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Exchanging a look with Lorne, Buffy did as she was told, realizing too late
the reason she was being let off work early as she walked outside.

“What do you want?” she asked Spike, crossing her arms defensively over her
chest.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Spike replied, shoving his hands in his pockets,
taking a hesitant step toward her. “You said you had to work…I solved the
problem.”

“And what if I said I don’t want to talk?” Buffy replied, walking past him
without sparing him a second glance. “Do you think you can solve that
problem?”

Spike sighed before turning around and catching up to her. It was going to
be a long night.






A/N Just a little teaser- I promise there will be more Spuffy interaction in the next chapter. Thanks so much to: spufette, Chubby109, Juanita, Raven, Ash, Caitie, someone who’s name didn’t show up :-) Jamie C., Laine, Seraiza, Kate, Crystal Pegasus, Jessica, Cordykitten, Ebontier, blondiebear, Franchesca, Alicia, Kimber, Mari, jenny, gypsy_jin, bint, Rana, songgal1, tahmoe, pj, starhawk, SpikesKitten2009, Sevvy_O & BuffyandSpikeForever for reviewing!

Chapter 8 – Obstacles


“Buffy, please stop!”

Getting a strange sense of déjà vu from a few nights ago, Buffy didn’t
bother to slow her pace. Spinning around when she felt her arm grabbed in a
harsh grip, she stared daggers at Spike, jerking her arm free from his
grasp. “Leave me alone,” she hissed.

“Not until you talk to me.”

“Go home, Will. We have nothing to say to each other.”

“We have a lot to say to each other.”

“Why do you care?”

“What?” Spike asked in confusion.

“Look, we had a fun night,” Buffy said, trying to distance herself from the
man in front of her, scared of the feelings and emotions that were coursing
through her as a result of being too close to him. “I don’t really see any
reason to continue…whatever this is,” she finished, gesturing back and forth
between them.

“First of all, it was morning, not night. Second, I think there is a very
good reason to continue whatever this is.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked, feeling disconcerted as he walked closer to her.

Without answering her, Spike wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her
forward and crushing his lips to hers. The fire and passion seemed to erupt
between them. Buffy felt like she was drowning as his tongue delved into
her mouth, brushing erotically against hers.

Breaking away a moment later, she gasped for air, using Spike’s chest for
leverage as she tried to keep her balance.

“I think that’s an obvious reason,” Spike said breathlessly, pressing his
forehead to hers, surprised at the feelings she could cause with a single
kiss.

Slowly regaining her abilities to function, Buffy took a step back, needing
the distance between them so she could think straight. “So there’s
passion,” she said with a slight shrug. “It doesn’t mean that we can build
a relationship on it or that either of us would even want to. I don’t know
if I can trust you and…and it would never last.”

Spike scoffed, never letting Buffy get too far away from him. “Trust is for
old marrieds, Buffy,” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Great love is
wild…and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.”

“Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last.”

“I know you feel like I do,” he said quietly, taking a step toward her.
“I’ve never felt this way before. I just know I want you.” Buffy could
feel her heart pounding in her chest at the soft admission, watching as
Spike slowly walked toward her again, wrapping his arms around her waist.
“I want you…all of you.”

Summoning the last of her resolve, Buffy looked into his eyes. “I’m not
going to be with someone who doesn’t even care what he’s doing to himself.”

Spike sighed, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he looked up at the sky.
“It’s just a bit of fun, Buffy. It takes the edge off after a show or at a
party. I don’t sit in my house shooting up whenever I’m alone, just to
relax. It’s just for fun,” he reiterated.

“And that ‘bit of fun’ is going to kill you.”

“You can’t know that,” he replied, shaking his head.

“Well, it didn’t do wonders for Kurt Cobain or thousands of others,” Buffy
retaliated, her jaw set in anger. “I think I’m going to play the odds, and I
don’t want to be in a relationship where I always come in second to a
syringe.”

“What if I stop?”

Buffy raised her eyes to his, wishing she could keep the hope out of her
gaze. “Do you think you can?” she asked, the insecurity obvious in her voice.

Spike stayed silent for a long moment. “I’m willing to try…for you.”

“There’s just so much in the way…”

“I want you, Buffy,” he whispered. “I don’t know what it is about you, but
you make me want to change.”

Fighting the tears in her eyes, Buffy sniffled slightly. “Don’t hurt me.”

Spike immediately tensed, looking at her in confusion. “Buffy, I would-”

“No,” she said, cutting him off as she shook her head. “I just…I don’t want
to get involved with you because I don’t want to get hurt. You did that to
me once, Will. Granted, I was practically a kid who didn’t know any better
and had foolish dreams about a rock star, but I’m older now and…I just don’t
want to get hurt again. You have the ability to do that and I’m just not
sure I want to give you the chance.”

“I want to be with you,” Spike whispered. “I can’t make any promises, but I
honestly don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s not very comforting,” Buffy said, stepping away from him.

“Do you want to be comforted, or do you want the truth?” Spike asked gently.

Buffy was about to respond when a group of giggling teenage girls ran up to
Spike, cameras at the ready and pieces of paper out, each begging for an
autograph and a picture as they waved a collection of pens in his face.
Each trying, in their own unsophisticated way, to flirt with him.

Never breaking eye contact with him, Buffy continued to back away. “It’s
always going to be something,” she said with a shrug, gesturing to the
females that were now separating them as if a wall was in between them.
“There’s just too many obstacles to try and overcome.”

With a heavy heart, Buffy turned and walked away, leaving Spike with his
adoring fans.




Thanks so much to: starhawk, Franchesca, Isabel, Rana, Tahmoe, Alicia, spuffette, gypsy_jin, Cordykitten, Crystal Pegasus, gattaca, Caitie, pj, Mari, BuffyandSpikeForever, Ash, Laine, Kimber, Debbie, blondiebear, songgal1, Seraiza, Caroline, bint & Ana04 for reviewing!

Chapter 9 – Helping Hand


“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked with a sigh as she opened the door to
her apartment.

“I couldn’t let it end like that,” Spike said softly, his hands braced
against the frame, looking at her through sad eyes.

Buffy averted her gaze for a moment, biting her bottom lip in contemplation
before opening the door wider. “Come in, Will,” she said softly, not
looking at him as he walked past.

Shutting the door, she nervously fidgeted with the tie of her robe, suddenly wishing that she wasn’t wearing a nightgown that fell to mid-thigh. The red satin robe did little to cover it, only falling an inch past the gown itself.

Holding it closed, Buffy walked into her living room, seeing Spike shift nervously from foot to foot with his hands shoved in his pockets, darting his eyes up to her every now and then. She noticed the subtle way he was perusing her body and couldn’t help but hook one foot behind her ankle, trying to shrink away from him.

“What do you want, Will?” she asked softly, her body tensing when he took a
step toward her. She could feel her breathing escalate at his close
proximity.

“You,” he whispered, taking another step toward her.

“Are you on something right now?” she asked quietly.

“No,” he said softly, shaking his head as he came to stand in front of her.
“Look in my eyes if you don’t believe me.”

Buffy nervously looked into his eyes, seeing that his pupils were dilated as
he stared at her. She breathed a sigh of relief, letting her shoulders
relax.

“I don’t know what it is,” Spike said in a quiet voice. “Something about
you just keeps pulling me in…I want you and I don’t care what I have to do
to get you.”

“I’m not a prize,” she whispered, looking away from his penetrating gaze.

“I know that. I just…I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”

Buffy’s expression softened when she saw the frustration evident on his
face. “I’m standing by what I said earlier…I’m not going to date someone
who uses drugs.”

“And like I said, it’s-”

“If you say it’s just for fun, why can’t you quit?”

Spike avoided her eyes, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned away.

Buffy took a shaky breath, nervously tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Thanks for stopping by,” she murmured, turning toward the door. She gasped
when she felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her against his body.

“Will you help me?” he whispered, his voice shaky at the thought of giving
up something that he sought for comfort.

Slowly turning around in his arms, Buffy saw the scared expression in his
eyes as he looked at her hopefully. “I’ll help you,” she said softly, her
eyes slowly closing when she felt his lips brush against hers in a tender
kiss.

“Can I stay?” he asked, the hopeful look on his face making her heart swell.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “You can stay.”

Gently pushing her against the wall, his lips met hers in a surprisingly
passionate kiss. Buffy felt like she was drowning, trying to keep up with
the movement of his lips and tongue.

“Will,” she whispered breathlessly when he broke away to trail kisses down
the column of her neck. “What are you doing?” she asked when he hoisted her
legs around his waist.

“I thought that would be obvious,” he said, pulling away with a smile as he
pushed against her.

Buffy shivered in response, grinding her hips against his and smiling at the
moan that erupted from his throat. Slipping the robe from her shoulders,
Spike’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the satin nightgown. His
mouth went dry, noticing the sheer pieces of fabric in all the right places.

Slipping his hands beneath the satin, he groaned in pleasure when he
encountered nothing but bare skin at his fingertips. “God, Buffy,” he
rasped in pleasure.

Their breathing accelerated as Buffy unbuttoned his shirt. It was a slow
process, considering his hands on her skin were slowly driving her wild with
lust.

“Were you planning on me coming over?” he asked with a smirk, his hands
sliding higher.

“Maybe I was planning on someone else,” she replied with a secretive grin.

Spike growled, pushing her against the wall with more force. “You better
not be serious.”

“Possessive much?”

“You don’t know the half of it, baby,” he said with a grin.

“What if I told you I was planning on a quiet night alone?”

Spike’s eyes roamed her body as his tongue slowly swept across his bottom
lip. “Hmm…maybe I’ll just sit back and watch what you do alone,” he said
with a grin.

Buffy playfully smacked his chest, moving to straighten her legs.

“I don’t think so, luv,” Spike said with a smile, holding her close with one
hand while he unbuckled his belt with the other. “I’ve got you right where
I want you.”

Buffy pushed his hand out of the way, dipping in between them to take his
fully erect cock in her hand, smiling at the breathy moans that came from
Spike as she slid her hand up and down.

“I think you’ve got that backwards. I’m the one who has you right where I
want you,” she said with a soft smile before arching her back and sinking
down on him with one fluid movement.

Spike’s eyes rolled shut as he gritted his teeth, pumping into her and
quickly picking up his pace. Buffy could already feel herself spiraling out
of control as his hold on her tightened.

“William, faster,” she said breathlessly, moaning when he complied. Her
orgasm crashed into her out of nowhere, sending her screaming into oblivion.
Aftershocks continued to jolt through her as Spike sought his own release,
quickly following her over the edge, spilling himself inside her welcoming
body.

Trying to catch their breath, Spike pulled away and looked at her. “Sorry,
luv,” he said, still panting for air. “I wanted it to last longer, but you
felt too damn good.”

Buffy let her hands play in his hair as she smiled at him. “Did you hear me
complaining?”

Spike chuckled, letting his lips caress hers in a tender kiss. “What are
you doing tomorrow night?”

“Well, it was my night off, but since someone got me sent home early, I
guess I’ll be making up the hours.”

“We’re doing a concert…come with me?”

“Are you sure you want me there with all of your adoring fans?” she asked
with a teasing smile.

“Do you even need to ask me that?”

Snuggling closer to his body, Buffy let her head fall to his shoulder.
“I’ll be there.”

---

A/N Yes, I know I’ll get a ton of reviews about it, so let it be known that Buffy is very naïve (or possibly just hopeful) in this story. Thanks for all the support, so far!




Thanks so much to: Isabel, Kimber, Laine, Jessica, gypsy_jin, Seraiza, dusty273, Ana04, Rana, Cordykitten, melissa, Sevvy_O, starhawk, Alicia, Crystal Pegasus, Franchesca, Tahmoe, Ash, Caitie, Bint, gattaca, pj, BuffyandSpikeForever, blondiebear & songgal1 for reviewing!

---

---

A/N Yesterday, my computer decided to have some fun and not let me into this site all day- only this site. After my withdrawals subsided (a little), Pari tried to help me as much as she could, but I discovered it was my internet connection. If there’s no update for a while, that’s the reason. If this happens again, I might start posting some chapters on my LJ (you can find the address on my account information). That’s all folks- enjoy the chapter!

---

Chapter 10 – Exceptions to the Rule


Standing backstage next to Angel, Buffy watched Spike effortlessly work the
swarms of people as he jumped around the stage. He exuded so much energy
that it was contagious.

“You’re good for him, you know?” Angel said, glancing at Buffy.

“Am I?” she asked so softly she was practically talking to herself.

“He’s happy with you. I’ve never seen him so interested in anyone.”

“I like him,” Buffy murmured, insecurity creeping into her voice as Spike
knelt down on one knee, singing into the microphone and touching the hands
that were reaching toward him. Most of them attached to screaming, hopping
girls.

“But you’re worried.”

Buffy looked over at the taller man, surprised by the casual assessment.
“Well…yeah.”

“You shouldn’t be,” he said, turning his attention back to the stage.

“I’m a waitress at a bar and he’s one of the leading sex symbols of the
decade. I don’t think you’d call us the poster children for long-term
relationships.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Buff,” Angel said with a smile, watching
his client as he blew a kiss at a group of girls, causing them to nearly
melt into an adolescent puddle. “He’s crazy about you.”

“Can I trust him?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking
up at Angel.

“He doesn’t cheat. Yeah, he’s had…quite a few flings in the past, but he’s
as loyal as they come when it comes to relationships.”

“I wasn’t just talking about that,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

“Aaah, the drugs,” Angel replied with an understanding nod before taking a
deep breath. “That, I can’t tell you.” Buffy’s face seemed to close off as
he continued, “If he promised, then I don’t see why not.”

“Now you’re just covering for your client,” she muttered, looking back at
Spike as he tossed her a wink and a devilish grin. She couldn’t help but
smile.

“Actually, I was trying to help out my friend.”

“I don’t expect you to help me or even understand,” she said, turning back
to Angel. “But I don’t have a lot of things that are important to me, and
dating someone I can trust is a big deal.”

“I understand,” Angel said with a nod. “Can I ask why the drugs are such a
big deal and the alcohol is not?”

“To be honest, I’m not crazy about the alcohol,” she said softly. “There’s
a chance of violence, among other things, but I’m asking him to give up
something that I know must be hard,” Buffy paused, taking a deep breath.
“The heroin was something that I couldn’t stand. If he needed it, then he
doesn’t need me, and it was better to know that right now than a month from
now.”

Angel nodded in understanding. “I’m just surprised you didn’t demand that
he give up both, that’s all.”

“I didn’t demand anything,” Buffy said quietly. “I told him that I couldn’t
be with him. He’s the one who wanted…more out of this. I guess time will
tell if he’s a big enough man to let go of the alcohol.”

“You work in a bar and you hate alcohol?” Angel asked, turning to look at
her.

“I work in a bar and that’s why I hate alcohol,” Buffy replied, meeting his
gaze. “I see what it does to people, night after night. I see the ‘kids’
who just want to let loose and have fun for a night and don’t know when to
stop, leading to alcohol poisoning. I see the people who simply drink it
because it tastes good to them. I see the people who are borderline
alcoholics- not strong enough to turn away, but not aware enough to know
that they’re one step away from an early grave. And then I see the same
customers, every single night. It’s an evolution that continues to escalate
until you’re no more than a nameless face sitting at the end of a bar,
staring into a bottle or you make the decision to get behind the wheel of a
car…although, sometimes that happens a lot earlier.”

“Sounds like you speak from personal experience,” Angel replied, raising an
eyebrow in her direction.

“Yeah,” Buffy muttered, looking at the floor.

“Care to talk about it?”

“Not much to tell,” she said with a dismissive shrug, turning away from the
stage. “My dad was really messed up on drugs and alcohol. He got high and
drunk and got in his car.”

“Was he hurt?”

“Went off the road and hit a tree…he and my sister were both killed
instantly,” she said softly, biting her lip to keep from crying at the
thought of Dawn.

“I’m sorry,” Angel said in a quiet voice. “Were you in the car?”

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Buffy shook her head. “No…it was just the
two of them.”

“I’ve gotta ask again…wouldn’t the alcohol bother you more?”

Buffy shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “It should. But he was always worse
when it was a combination of the two. If Will is strong enough to give up
the drugs, maybe the rest can come in time.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“He could be the exception I’ve been looking for,” Buffy said, smiling at
the thought of Spike’s arms around her, holding her close to him. “There
has to be an exception to every rule, right?”

“Yeah,” Angel said, giving her a gentle smile.

Realizing that she’d just opened up to a virtual stranger, with people
milling around everywhere. Buffy felt her face heat up. “Please don’t tell
William,” she said, looking at Angel.

He gave her an understanding look before nodding. Buffy gasped when she
felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist. She was so lost in her
emotions, she didn’t even realize that the concert had ended.

“How’s my favorite girl?” Spike purred, nuzzling her neck.

“You were great,” Buffy said with a smile, turning around in his arms.

“Thanks, luv. Give me a few minutes to shower and we’ll get out of here and
find something more exciting to pass the time,” he said, curling his tongue
behind his teeth and raising a suggestive eyebrow at her, smiling when she
blushed.

“Okay,” Buffy said, relaxing when his lips brushed over hers in a tender
kiss.

“I’ll be out soon,” he murmured, running a hand along her cheek.

Buffy watched him go, breathing a sigh of relief. Maybe there could be an
exception to every rule.




Thanks so much to: Cordykitten, gypsy_jin, Mari, Ana04, Tahmoe, Sevvy_O, Caroline, Laine, starhawk, Ash, Franchesca, Kimber, Alicia, Caitie, TammyAsh666, BuffandSpikeForever, gattaca, pj, Bint, Crystal Pegasus & Mariana for reviewing!

---

A/N Just in case anyone was wondering- this will not turn into a B/A story at any point in time. I needed someone who could be a friend to both Spike and Buffy, so I chose him for that reason. Honestly, my first choice was Xander, but I suck at writing him, like you wouldn’t believe, and I feel that I can write a fairly realistic Angel, so he was my second choice. Just in case you were wondering. These two have enough problems, they don’t need anything else added into the mix :-)

---

Chapter 11 – Do You Trust Me?


“Hey, baby.”

Buffy rolled over at the sound of the familiar voice, her eyes adjusting to
the darkened room.

“William?” she whispered in a groggy voice, trying to focus on him.

“It’s me,” he said softly, trailing a hand along her cheek, smiling as she
struggled to wake up.

“I thought you were getting in tomorrow night,” she said, slowly becoming
more coherent as she sat up.

“I missed you,” he replied, his eyes already perusing her body, clothed only
in a simple white satin nightgown.

Blinking a little bit to focus her eyes, Buffy shivered in the drafty room,
watching as Spike shed his clothes and climbed in bed behind her, spooning
her close to him. “How was the show?”

“Mmm,” Spike mumbled against her throat before pulling away to look at her.
“Nothing interesting.”

“Will, you were in Las Vegas. I would think that’s the most interesting
city in the world.”

“Not without you there.”

Snuggling closer to him, Buffy let her eyes close for a moment. “I thought
you liked touring.”

“I used to,” he said, his breath sending tingles racing through her body.
“But I’ve only been gone a week and I couldn’t stand being without you.”

“I missed you, too,” she whispered, relaxing against him.

“I’m just glad there’s only one show left on this blasted tour,” he said,
his lips returning to her throat. “I can spend the next year with my girl.”

Slowly losing herself in the feel of his body against hers, Buffy moaned,
trying to focus on what he was saying. “Year?” she murmured in confusion.
She and Spike had been together for three months now, and he’d never once
mentioned the future.

“What’s wrong, kitten?” he asked with a soft smile, settling himself between
her thighs. “Didn’t think I’d want to spend my vacation with you?”

“Just surprised, is all,” she whispered breathlessly as his hands slid her
satin nightgown up her body.

“I don’t know why. There’s no place…”

Spike trailed off, sliding into her with ease.

“…I’d rather be,” he finished with a smile, brushing his lips across hers.

Buffy tried to keep her expression neutral, willing her body to get lost in
the feel of him being inside of her.

“Trust me?” Spike whispered, bringing her arms above her head and easily
holding her wrists in place with one hand.

Trying her hardest to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of her mind,
Buffy simply moaned, hoping he wouldn’t ask her again.

Pumping into her with more force, Buffy tried to regain some semblance of
control before giving up and reacting to his body in the way she was
supposed to. She wanted to trust him, but there was always something in the
back of her mind. Always something telling her that she didn’t know if he’d
really stopped taking drugs while he was gone on tour for days at a time.
He always came back to her. Always slipping into her bed in the middle of
the night, craving her touch and her body but giving very little thought to
her.

Buffy was beginning to think he was getting addicted to her. There was
never a night they were together that they didn’t end up in bed or the couch
or up against the wall, and she was starting to feel uneasy with the
situation. She didn’t think he was simply craving sex, because she knew
that he’d been faithful to her, but there was just a part of her that she
held back from trusting him completely.

Buffy gasped when his grip on her wrists tightened as he thrust into her
with abandon. “My girl likes it rough,” he said in a husky whisper.

Biting her lip, Buffy finally pulled her arms from his grasp, twining her
fingers through his hair and guiding his lips to hers in a tender kiss. His
hips never stopped churning against hers, but at least he was giving her some
indication that this was more than just sex for him.

Pulling back and making eye contact with her, Buffy tried to catch her
breath as she looked at him. Seeing the need in her gaze, Spike’s
expression softened before he began slowing down his thrusts. She relaxed
beneath him when he tangled his hands in her hair, leaving a soft kiss on
her lips. His tongue trailed lightly along her bottom lip, begging entrance
that Buffy eagerly granted. Stroking her tongue against his, Buffy smiled
against his lips when she heard the low growl in his throat.

Slowly raising his eyes to hers as they both caught their breath, Spike sped
up his thrusts, cupping her cheek in his hand. “I love you,” he whispered.

Trembling beneath him at the admission, Buffy clutched at his back as a
sudden, intense orgasm ripped through her body. Screaming out his name, she
arched her body against his, seeking even more pleasure as he continued to
plunge into her.

Spike quickly spilled himself inside her welcoming body, clutching her to
him as if he thought she was going to disappear.

Both lay twined together, each trying to catch their breath before Spike
rose up to look at her. “The last show is in town next Saturday,” he said
softly, choosing to ignore his earlier admission for the time being. “Can
you make it?”

Buffy was still quivering from the force of his words as she shook her head.
“I would, but I have to work.”

“I can talk to your boss-”

“No,” Buffy cut him off, shaking her head. “I need to work, Will.”

“I can help with the money,” he whispered, his brow furrowed as he looked at
her.

“I don’t take handouts,” she replied with a soft smile, trailing her hand
along his angular cheekbone. “I like to make my own way.”

“I can understand that,” he said with a soft smile. “There’s going to be a
party at my place afterward. Will you stop by after work?”

“Of course,” Buffy said softly, giving him a bright smile.

Spike didn’t say anything for a moment, looking at her flushed face, bathed
in the silvery moonlight that was spilling through the windows.

“I love you,” he repeated, frowning when he saw an almost panicked look come
over her face. “I don’t want you to say it until you’re ready,” he
murmured. “But I needed you to know that I’m in love with you.”

“I just need some time,” she whispered, looking at him with a hopeful
expression. “Can you give me that?”

Brushing a kiss against her lips, Spike pulled her close, craving contact
with her. “I can give you anything you want.”

---

A/N This story will take a much darker turn in the next chapter, so if you don’t want to read that, you might want to consider this the end. For everyone else, I’ll put another note on the beginning of the next one.

Thanks so much to: Franchesca, Seraiza, Ash, spuffette, gypsy_jin, Kimber, Tahmoe, Laine, Sevvy_O, Rana, MoonOrchid, Crystal Pegasus, Alicia, Cordykitten, starhawk, Caitie, BuffyandSpikeForever, pj, gattaca, Amanda, Mari & songgal1 for reviewing!

---

---

A/N I decided to post this tonight (2 chapters) or I would lost my nerve. This is the turning point of the story. I had the opportunity to take it in one direction or the other and I chose this one. This was the hardest chapter that I have ever written and the entire reason that I almost didn’t post this story. I really don’t want to submit it, but it has to be done. It’s vital to the plot. Let it be known that I love Spike (I wouldn’t be writing Spuffy fiction if I didn’t) but this was necessary for the direction of the story. I’ll elaborate more at the end. Some of the dialogue and situations belong to Steven S. Deknight & Joss Whedon. Not really sure what warning to give it, but be aware that it is very dark!

---

Chapter 12 – Shattered Image


Buffy walked through the door of the apartment, saying hello to Xander and
Anya as she walked past them. The party was in full swing, and she couldn’t
spot Spike through the crowd.

“Angel!” she called, seeing the bigger man talking to Cordelia in a corner.

“Hey, Buffy,” he greeted with a smile as Cordy offered a wave.

“Hi, guys, have you seen William?”

“He’s around here somewhere,” Cordy said, looking over the large area,
trying to see through all of the dancing bodies. “There he is, over by the
hall…”

Buffy frowned as Cordy trailed off, turning in the direction she had been
pointing. Her stomach dropped and her heart tightened when she saw him
flirting with two women who could only be described as groupies.

“I’ve seen him every few minutes, Buff,” Angel said, feeling the need to
defend his friend. “It hasn’t gone past talking, and he’s had a lot to
drink. Maybe you should take him somewhere quiet, let him sober up.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly, walking toward her boyfriend. “Will?”

“Hello, luv,” he said, turning to face her with a bright smile before
crushing his lips to hers in a claiming kiss. “I’m going to have to get you
out of here,” he purred in a husky voice. “Too many blokes paying attention
to you.”

Buffy saw his gaze peruse her bare legs, barely hidden beneath the short
black skirt. “I was going to say the same about you,” she replied, giving a
pointed look to the women who had obviously been trying to get into his bed.

“You know you’re the only one I want,” he said in a silky voice. “I would
never even think of anyone else, let alone act on it.”

Feeling herself relax, she gave him a smile when Spike grabbed her hand and
led her to his bedroom. Pushing her through the door, she gave him a
tentative smile as he leaned in for a surprisingly tender kiss.

“I missed you tonight,” he whispered, a slur evident in his voice.

“You’ve obviously been having fun.”

“Just needed something to take the edge off.”

Buffy felt her chin tremble when she saw the syringe laying on his dresser.
“Something like heroin?” she asked, her eyes never leaving the offending
object.

Spike glanced over his shoulder, his fuzzy brain comprehending what she was
looking at. “Come on, baby,” he said with a drunken smile, turning back to
face her. “The tour is over- I was just celebrating.”

Looking into his eyes, she noticed, for the first time, how contracted his pupils were. Pushing away from him, she shakily picked up the needle, fighting the tears in her eyes as she turned back to him, trying not to remember the bandage that she had seen the other night and forced herself not to ask about, obviously covering his track marks. Trying not to think about the lack of withdrawals or the seeming easiness that he had adapted to his new lifestyle. Trying not to think that she had put her trust into a man who didn’t care.

“You never stopped, did you?” she asked angrily. “This whole time, you’ve
been lying to me.”

“Relax, Buff,” he said in a slurred voice. She honestly didn’t know what
was causing the look in his eyes- the alcohol or the drugs. “Why don’t you
try some? It might help you lighten up.”

“I cannot believe you just said that to me,” Buffy whispered, backing away
from him and tossing the needle back onto the flat surface of the dresser.
“I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not,” Spike replied in a strangely subdued voice, advancing on
her.

Buffy suddenly felt as if she was trying to get away from an animal before
it attacked.

“I told you what would happen if you did this again,” she whispered with
tears shining in her eyes. “I was willing to overlook the drinking, but I’m
not doing this. I’m leaving. It’s over.”

Turning toward the door, Buffy gasped when she felt Spike seize her
shoulders and jerk her away from the door. Her heart accelerated as he
desperately threw her down on the bed, his body quickly pinning her in place.
Trying to get over her shock, Buffy lashed out at him, hitting his chest and
clawing at his face.

“Let me go!” she screamed, feeling panic rise up in her when she saw the
determined look in his eyes.

“You think you can just leave!” he screamed, his voice taking on a frantic quality as he tried to get her arms in his grip while she struck out at him. “I can’t let you go! I won’t! I can’t be without you!”

“Let go!” Buffy screamed, trying to push against him with all of her
strength.

“I’m not letting you go, Buffy. I am never letting you go!” His tone was
taking on a desperate quality as he took a different approach. His lips
sought hers out to capture them as she evaded his touch. “You’re mine.”

“Will, please, please,” she sobbed when she felt his hands grasp at her
shirt.

“You’ll feel it again, Buffy…”

“Spike, please don’t do this!” she screamed.

“I’m gonna make you feel it,” he said through gritted teeth, the sound of
fabric ripping filling the room.

“Stop!”

Stumbling backwards all of a sudden, Spike moved to advance on her again
when he felt himself thrown into a wall. Looking up in a daze, he saw Angel
and Xander blocking his view of Buffy. His foggy brain tried to contemplate
why they were there, his eyes widening when he realized what he’d almost
done. Frantically looking at Buffy, Spike tried to get to her, this time in
desperation of making sure she was okay.

“Ask me again if I trust you,” she said through gritted teeth, tears
streaming down her cheeks as she tried to hold her tattered shirt together.

“Buffy, my God, I didn’t-”

“They stopped you!” Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him with wide
eyes. Flinching when she saw him move forward, she eagerly backed toward the
door. “Which is something I should have done a long time ago.”

“Buffy!” he yelled, watching her run out the door as Angel and Xander held
him in place.

“Don’t do it,” Angel said through gritted teeth.

“You’ll just make it worse, Spike,” Xander said, tightening his hold on the
other man.

“I have to get to her,” Spike yelled, trying to jerk his arms away. His
heart felt like it was splitting in two as the memories of what almost
happened came back to him. “I need to make sure she’s okay.”

“Xander, you go,” Angel said, flinging Spike against the wall. “Make sure
she gets home okay.”


Chapter 13 – Tell Him…


“Let go of me, Angel,” Spike growled, staring the other man in the eye.

“Like hell,” Angel muttered, pinning Spike to the wall by his neck. “You’re
too messed up to know what you’re doing. I’m sure as hell not going to let
you go scare her anymore.”

“I’m not…I didn’t…I didn’t mean to…”

Angel finally relented his crushing hold when Spike seemed to come to terms
with what he’d done, sobering in an instant. He watched as the blonde
collapsed on the floor, his face turning a startling shade of white.

“I never wanted to hurt her,” he said in a low whisper, his hands traveling
up to his face. “God, I never meant to hurt her.”

Angel watched as Spike’s shoulders began to shake with the force of his
tears. He was torn between wanting to comfort a lifelong friend and wanting
to see him suffer for the horrible act he’d nearly committed.

“She called me Spike,” he whispered miserably.

“What?” Angel asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at the other
man.

“Right before you came in…she didn’t call me Will- she called me Spike.”

It was amazing how something so simple hurt him nearly as much as the
memories that were assaulting him.

After several long minutes, Spike raised his tearstained face to his friend.
“Make sure she’s okay.”

“Xander’s gone after her.”

“No, Angel. I need to know if she’s really alright. Not whatever she tells
Xander. He’ll believe anything. Just…make sure she’s okay.”

* * * * *

“Buffy, wait!”

“Just leave me alone, Xander,” Buffy replied, trying to fight the tears in
her eyes. Her body was running on shock and adrenaline and she didn’t want
to slow down long enough for the brutal truth to catch up with her.

“Please wait,” Xander said, running around her to block her path but wisely
not touching her. “Let me give you a lift. You’re not in any condition to
walk through the streets of this city like that.”

Sniffling slightly, Buffy clutched at her shirt as she nodded. She offered
him a grateful smile when he shrugged out of his coat and wrapped it around
her shoulders.

Staying a safe distance away, he led her to his car, parked a few blocks
away. Neither spoke as he opened the door for her and quickly walked around
to the other side.

“Buffy-”

“If you make one excuse for him, I will jump out of this car. I don’t care
if it’s moving or not.”

“I wasn’t going to,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling more insecure.

“Sorry,” Buffy muttered, looking at her hands as she clenched and unclenched
them into fists. “What were you going to say?”

“How are you?” Xander asked, looking over at her when they stopped at a
stoplight.

“Peachy, you?”

“I’m not trying to…I just wanted to make sure he didn’t hurt you.”

Trying to keep the attitude and sarcasm out of her voice, Buffy took a deep
breath. Xander wasn’t the one she should be mad at, and she had no right to
snap at him for simply trying to be sweet to her.

“I’ll be okay,” she whispered. “I just need to rest.”

Her voice was so weak that Xander merely nodded, staying quiet as Buffy
pointed out the way to her apartment.

* * * * *

The next afternoon, Buffy walked around her apartment, unsure of what to do
with herself. She had cleaned everything she could at least three times,
tried to watch TV, and cleaned out her closet. Anything to keep her mind
off of Spike.

Fidgeting with her sweater and jeans, Buffy debated whether she should
change her clothes for the third time but decided against it. She was
covered and she still felt vulnerable. She had already taken four showers
in the past twelve hours and cried for nearly that long.

Hearing a knock on the door, Buffy jumped but quickly took a steadying
breath. “Who is it?” she asked, putting one hand on the flat surface and
cursing herself for almost wishing it was Spike.

“It’s Angel.”

Her shoulders sagged, but she didn’t know whether it was relief or remorse.
Unlocking the door, Buffy stood back and let the brunette enter, unable to
make eye contact with him.

“I have a feeling I know why you’re here,” she said softly, shutting the
door. “Go ahead and sit down.”

As Angel took a seat in a nearby chair, Buffy sat down on the couch,
bringing her legs up to her chest.

“Out with it,” she said, raising her eyes to his.

“He’s worried about you.”

“Considering he was there and he knows exactly what he did to me, I would be
a little surprised if he wasn’t worried.”

“What should I tell him?”

“Let him worry,” Buffy replied, her eyes cold as she looked at him.

Angel stayed quiet for a moment, clasping his hands in front of him. “Are
you alright?”

“I-”

“And I don’t want a generic answer,” he said, cutting her off. “I’m asking
you if you’re really alright, and I have a feeling that the answer should be
a resounding ‘no’.”

“Alright,” Buffy replied, standing up and pacing around the small living
room. “If you really want to know- NO! I’m not alright!”

Seeing the tears in her eyes, Angel gave her a compassionate look but
stayed quiet as she walked around the area.

“What does he expect?” she cried, throwing her arms up in the air. “It was
like he was trying to get rid of me. ‘Flirt with other girls- check. Shoot
up on heroin- check. Attack your girlfriend- check.’” Dropping down on the
couch, Buffy bit her lip as tears came to her eyes. “He raped me,” she
murmured, causing Angel’s eyes to widen in shock. “Maybe not physically,
but he stripped me of every emotional strength and defense that I have. He
made me feel like…like I was worthless.” Raising her eyes to Angel’s, she
tightened her jaw in anger. “He made me feel like a victim, and that’s
something that I don’t take lightly. So go back to your client or your
friend or whatever the hell you consider him to be today and tell him that
it was a job well done.”

Standing up, Buffy walked toward the door, twisting the knob when she heard
Angel’s voice behind her. “He’s in pain, Buffy.”

“Good.”

“I know you think that’s what he deserves and maybe he does. Lord knows that I wanted him to hurt and I only caught the end of the show. But he’s trying to quit with everything. He’s making plans to…he’s really trying this time and he’s scared to death that he hurt you. And I need to ask you what you want me to tell him.”

Tears came to her eyes as Buffy tried to think of something she could say.

“Tell him…tell him that…that I’m okay. Tell him I don’t want to see him.
Tell him that he hurt me, but it was disregarding my feelings that hurt the
most….tell him I trusted him and all I want is for him to get better. But
he needs to get better for himself and not for me, because I…I just can’t be
with him…not right now.”

Never facing Angel, Buffy opened the door and waited for him to walk through
before closing it and dissolving in tears for what she told herself would be
the final time.

---

A/N Just remember that this wasn’t really Spike- he was under the influence of something and he would never react to her that way if he’d been in his right mind. Huge thank you’s to Allison for supporting my decision with the previous chapter and pj for offering suggestions throughout the rest of the story!!!


Thanks so much to: spuffette, TammyAsh666, Mari, dedicated reader, melissa, Franchesca, Crystal Pegasus, Tahmoe, gypsy_jin, Ash, Laine, Amanda, Caitie, bint, Alicia, Sevvy_O, BuffyandSpikeForever, jenny, Cordykitten & Juanita for reviewing!

---

---

A/N Some of the dialogue in this chapter belongs to Drew Goddard, Doug Petrie and Joss Whedon. Another big thank you to Allison and pj for their suggestions!

---

Chapter 14 – Where Do We Go From Here?


“Spike.”

Looking up when he heard her voice, so soft and full of compassion, Spike let a gentle smile play on his features. Her mere presence did wonders to relax him.

“I'm in trouble, Buffy,” he whispered.

“I can help you.”

“I could never ask. Not after…”

“It's different,” she insisted, looking at him with hope in her eyes. “You're different.”

“I could never ask,” he repeated in a whisper.

“Spike, it's me,” she insisted. “It's you and it's me, and we'll get through this.”

“Never…”

He trailed off, nervously putting his hand behind his ear and nearly jumping in surprise when Buffy reached out to take it in hers.

“We'll get through this.”

Opening his eyes, Spike felt his entire body constrict with pain. Looking around the small room, all of the warmth was ripped from it when he didn’t see her. Feeling the sweat along his forehead and the uncontrollable shaking that ran through his body, he let his head fall back to rest against the wall, trying to conjure her face from his memory and ignore the tears that were streaming down his face. The only sound that filled the room was a soft whisper.

“Buffy.”

* * * * *

8 Months Later


Wiping off the tables in the club, Buffy looked at the clock for the third
time in ten minutes. With a heavy sigh, she continued cleaning the beer
bottles and napkins from the table before heading back to the bar.

“How’re you holding up, sweet pea?” Lorne asked when Buffy dropped her tray
on the bar.

“It’s been a long night,” she muttered, relieved when Parker walked over to
her.

“You ready to call it a night, Buff?”

“Yes,” she replied gratefully, untying the small apron from around her
waist.

“You know,” Parker said with a grin, looking her up and down. “The night
could just be beginning.”

“No thanks,” she said, restraining herself from rolling her eyes and walking
past her boss and into the nearby office.

“When are you going to take me up on my offer, Buffy?” Parker asked,
following her as she tossed her apron on a shelf and clocked out.

“I’m not interested, Parker,” Buffy said, not giving him a second glance.
“I’m not going to date my boss, and even if that wasn’t the case, I’m not
interested.”

Without waiting for a reply, Buffy was out the door and practically flying
through the club. She hated this job. The only bright spot was being able
to work with Lorne on a regular basis. The hours were horrible, and having
to avoid being sexually harassed every night definitely wasn’t high on her
list for a good time.

Shivering when she walked out of the club, Buffy paused, trying to clear her
lungs of the smoke that seemed to permeate her body. Staying still for a
moment, she suddenly got the distinct impression that she was being watched,
and there was only one person alive who could cause the feelings that seemed
to be washing over her.

Standing where she was, Buffy couldn’t bring herself to turn around and face
the man she hadn’t seen in months. The man who was now burned in her memory
for giving her one of the most terrifying experiences of her life…and also some of
the best ones.

Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she tried to stop the trembling that
seemed to take over.

“What do you want?” she asked quietly, not trusting herself to turn around
yet.

“I had to see you.”

Finally turning to face him, she gave Spike a long, hard look, taking in the
change in his appearance. The all-black look was gone, replaced with blue
jeans, a pale blue shirt, and a short leather jacket. His formerly white
hair was now a dark brown with pale blonde tips, and if it was possible, it
made him look even more gorgeous. The added weight was obviously muscle, and
his face wasn’t as gaunt as it used to be. Buffy had to remind herself that
they weren’t together anymore. That she couldn’t just walk up to him and
throw her arms around his neck and forget the past eight months with a kiss.

Nearly shaking her head to clear it of the disturbing thoughts, Buffy
crossed her arms over her chest when she noticed his eyes were perusing her,
much in the same way she’d been staring at him.

“You’ve seen me,” she muttered. “I’m going now.”

“Please wait,” he said in a soft voice, shoving his hands in the pockets of
his coat.

“For what?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“I…can we talk?”

Buffy looked him up and down for a minute before answering, “Are you
sober?”

“I am.”

“Are you on anything?”

“No.”

Glancing down at the ground, her arms tightened around her body. “Fine,”
she said softly, tensing when Spike approached her before taking a step
back.

Spike noticed and stopped. “Buffy-”

“Do not start by saying you're sorry,” she cut him off, her jaw clenching in
anger.

“I didn't come here to atone,” he said quietly.

“Then what the hell do you want?”

“I…I don’t really know. I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You did that already,” Buffy replied, turning around to walk down the
sidewalk. “You sent Angel to check on me eight months ago…I’ve had time to
get over it.”

“Have you?” he asked, falling into step beside her and watching her
intently.

“I’m fine,” she said through clenched teeth.

Spike stayed quiet for a few moments as they walked through the city.
“Buffy, the reason I came…besides wanting to check on you…I wanted to start
over.”

Buffy stopped walking, her eyes widening as she tried to control her
breathing before turning to look at him. “Are you crazy?”

“I don’t mean…start over, the way you’re thinking. I want to earn your
trust.”

“Look, this… it's not a way for us to get back together, if that's what you
want,” she said, still looking at him in shock.

“It's not. Look, I can't blame you for being all skittish.”

“Skittish?” she asked in disbelief. “That's not a word I would use for it.
You tried to rape me. I don't have the words.”

“Neither do I…I can't say sorry. Can't use 'forgive me'. All I can say is-
Buffy, I've changed.”

“The rehab,” she murmured in understanding before walking again.

“So you heard.”

“Kind of hard not to,” she whispered. “One of the biggest rock stars in the
world is getting treatment for two addictions, and it’s everywhere you look.
The news, magazines…it was all over the place.”

“Including what I did to you,” he said quietly, his voice filled with shame.

“No one knew it was me,” she said softly. “Xander and Angel kept quiet.
All anyone knew was that you had too much to drink and…almost took things
too far with an anonymous blonde.”

“I never meant to,” he whispered in a choked voice, tears already building
up in his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

Staying quiet for a long moment, Buffy could see her apartment building in
the distance as they continued to walk. “I know you didn’t want to hurt me,
Spike…but you did and that’s…”

“Unforgivable,” he murmured, unable to look at her when Buffy turned her
gaze to him.

Not knowing what to say, they continued to walk in silence until they
reached the steps that led to her building. Finally turning to face him,
Buffy felt tears begin to spill over when she realized that she wanted
nothing more than to let him take her in his arms and hold her.

“Why did you lie to me?” she asked in a trembling voice.

Spike watched the tears fall and felt as if his heart was breaking all over again.
“Because I knew I would lose you,” he replied, straining to speak against
the lump in his throat. “I didn’t think I could make it without you.”

Looking at the ground for a moment, Buffy bit her lip before turning her gaze back to him. “That night…would you have stopped?” she asked, her voice trembling with emotion.

Spike looked at her for a moment before realizing she wasn’t talking about
the drugs. “I don’t know.”

“That’s not true.”

After a long pause, Spike looked up at her with watery eyes. “I don’t think
I would have,” he said in a choked voice.

Buffy took a deep breath, unconsciously taking a step away from him.
“Points for honesty,” she murmured. “Points off for what you’re being
honest about.”

“I should go,” Spike whispered, trying to find the strength to turn away
from her and leave.

“That would probably be best.”

“I love you,” he murmured, raising his eyes to hers. “I love you so much.”

Tearing her eyes away from his intense gaze, Buffy took a shaky breath. “I
know.”

“Can I see you again?”

“I…”

“Not a date. I know you don’t want that, I just…I just wanted to see you
again, but if you don’t…”

“I don’t know what you’re hoping for,” Buffy whispered. “If you…if you stay like this, if you stay healthy I might be able to give you this,” she said, gesturing between the two of them. “But that’s it, Spike.”

Taking a shaky breath, Spike nodded. “I can live with that.”




Thank you so, so, so, so, so, much: Reciprocity, Jessica, gattaca, Amanda, spufette, captain peroxide, Mari, H, gypsy_jin, Stephanie, Erin, melissa, Caitie, kar, Sevvy_O, Juanita, Nyah Ambrose, Franchesca, Tahmoe, jenny, Seraiza, Crystal Pegasus, pj, dreamgirl4eva, spikes slayer, Laine, Caatje, Caroline, starhawk, Ash, Bint, Alicia, Cordykitten, CC, Mariana & Lacey Marsters for the wonderful reviews!!

Chapter 15 – Changed Lifestyles


“Come on, B! Please, just go with me tonight. Don’t make me beg.”

Buffy sighed as she finished clearing off one of the tables in the club.
“Faith, I already told you- I’m working! I know you’re off tonight, but
that doesn’t mean I can just drop a shift and go running off to a concert.”

‘Especially when it’s your ex’s comeback concert,’ she thought, nearly
dropping a glass when her hands began trembling.

“I can get Parker to let you go early,” Faith continued, not noticing
Buffy’s pale face.

“Why is this so important?” Buffy asked, turning toward the brunette. They
weren’t friends, they never had been, so she couldn’t help but wonder why
Faith would be so desperate for Buffy to join her that night.

“Okay,” Faith said with a sigh. “I’ll level with you. My brother won’t
give me my ticket unless I invite you.”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head as she walked toward the bar, dropping
her tray on the counter with a loud crack.

“Please, B,” she said with a soft look in her doe-brown eyes.

“Faith, we went on one date! I told him that there’s nothing between us, so
just tell him that I’m busy or seeing someone or…washing my hair! I don’t
care what you tell him, but I don’t want to go,” she finished with a shake
of her head as she wiped off the bar.

“Fine,” Faith replied with a heavy, exaggerated sigh. “I guess I’ll just go
and sit at home, all by myself on a Saturday night.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy let her head fall to the hard surface before
admitting defeat. “Fine! I’ll go. But you make sure to let your brother
know that it’s not a date.”

“I will. I’ll handle everything, B! You don’t know how much I appreciate
this!”

* * * * *

Buffy looked in the mirror as she stood in the women’s restroom, surveying
her appearance. After getting the ‘okay’ from Parker, Faith had proceeded
to go home and bring some clothes for Buffy to change into. Or more
accurately a dress- if it could be called that. The backless halter dress
that she was wearing was much more revealing than she felt comfortable with,
held together with a strap around her neck and dipped low in the back…too
low for Buffy’s tastes. The neckline draped low, showing off her cleavage
and dropping even lower.

“I’m definitely going to fall out of this thing,” she muttered, turning to
look at her profile. “One way or another,” she finished, worrying her
bottom lip as she looked at the high slit that nearly extended up to her
hip, accentuating the already short skirt. She was definitely not in her
comfort zone. At least she could just watch the concert and go home. With
his throngs of adoring fans, she knew there was no chance she would be
seeing Spike tonight.

“B! Get your ass in gear! We’re going to be late.”

Exhaling sharply, Buffy fluffed her straightened hair and took a calming
breath. “Relax,” she murmured, closing her eyes to get a brief sense of
peace before walking out the door.

* * * * *

“Wow,” Ben said in quiet appreciation. “That was a great concert. Well
worth the wait since the lead guy was in rehab. What do you think, Buffy?”

She merely smiled at Faith’s brother, quickly distracted when Faith grabbed
her hand and began dragging her away from their seats.

“Faith, where are we going?” Buffy asked, slightly alarmed.

“Backstage passes,” Ben spoke up, matching strides with her.

“What?” Buffy asked in alarm. “No!” she cried, turning to Faith and seeing
that they were dangerously close to the area. “I-I don’t want to go back
there.”

“Why not?” Faith asked, turning around after handing the security guard
their passes. “You get to see a bunch of hotties and maybe get to flirt a
little bit.”

“Come on, Buffy,” Ben said, slipping his arm around her waist.

Still too stunned to push him away, Buffy allowed herself to be led through
the cramped area, resigning herself to the fact that she had offered Spike
her friendship and she would at least take a step in the right direction.

Seeing Angel in the distance talking to Riley and trying to get around the
adoring fans, Buffy relaxed. She could handle saying hello to some people
that she knew, and if one of those people happened to be Spike, so be it.

“Angel!” she called, slipping out of Ben’s grasp and making her way over to
the manager, waving when he turned around and offered her a smile.

“Hey, Buff!” he said, giving her a small hug when she approached. “How’ve
you been?”

“I’ve-”

“Angel, we’re…”

Buffy turned at the sound of the low whistle, smiling when she saw Gunn
standing behind her.

“Damn!” he said, taking in the dress, or lack thereof, that Buffy was
wearing. “Looking more fine than normal. Where’s my hello?” he asked with
a flirtatious grin.

Giving him a peck on the cheek, Buffy turned when she heard someone clearing
their throat behind her. Turning around, her eyes widened when she saw Ben
and Faith behind her. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, gesturing toward the two
people in front of her and quickly making introductions.

“Buffy,” Angel said, gently taking her arm and leading her a few steps away.
“Did you want to see Spike?”

“Umm…no…no, that’s okay,” she replied, shaking her head and offering a
forced smile.

“I think he’d want to see you,” he whispered.

“I’ve seen him, Angel,” she said softly. “It’s really…”

Buffy trailed off, hearing the familiar voice behind her.

“And if he still wants to see you?”

Turning around, she offered yet another forced smile when she saw Spike.
People were practically swarming around him as he maintained eye contact
with Buffy. She felt as if she was getting lost in his deep blue eyes and
she knew the feeling was reciprocated as she watched him slowly approach.

Jumping when she felt Ben’s hand on her hip, bringing her crashing back to
reality as she tore her gaze away from Spike’s, Buffy had time to see the
hurt look that crossed his face.

“You know him?” Ben asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, maneuvering her body away from his as Spike
approached. “Spike, this is Ben,” she said softly, biting her lip when Ben
held out his hand.

Spike merely raised an eyebrow at the hand, waiting until Ben dropped it.

“Your date?” Spike asked, tightening his jaw.

Buffy opened her mouth to respond, surprised when she heard Ben’s voice
instead.

“Yes.”

Preparing to correct him, she felt her stomach tighten when she watched
Faith manage to squeeze through the throngs of girls and practically plaster
herself to Spike’s side.

“Hi,” she purred. “I’m Faith.”

Narrowing his eyes on Buffy for a brief moment, he saw the jealousy flash
over her face before turning back to the brunette by his side. “Hello,
pet,” he said with a smile. “Friends of yours?” he asked, gesturing to
Buffy and Ben.

“Yeah,” Faith replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Party at my place tonight,” he said, shooting a glance at Buffy and seeing
her flinch at the mention of another party. “A welcome back of sorts. Care
to come?”

“Yeah,” Faith and Ben replied simultaneously.

“Great,” he said with a smile, his eyes clashing with Buffy’s. “Check with
Angel and he’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

Watching the brunette’s depart, Spike easily broke away from the crowd after
motioning to the security guards, grabbing Buffy loosely by her arm and
leading her to a more secluded area.

“What the hell are you trying to pull?” she asked angrily, jerking her arm
out of his grasp.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, pet,” he replied with an innocent
look.

“Are you just jumping back into the lifestyle, Spike?” she asked, crossing
her arms over her chest. “The women, the alcohol, the drugs? Was it all
just a publicity stunt- go into rehab and pretend to start a new life?”

“No,” he said in a low voice, tilting his head to study her for a moment.
“Do you really think I would go through everything- the pain, the
withdrawals- just to start it all over again?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy whispered.

Glancing over his shoulder at the other man, Spike took a deep breath before
turning back to Buffy. “Are you really telling me you’re happy with that
pillock?”

Briefly looking at Ben, Buffy took a deep breath before turning back to Spike. “I’m never happy,” she admitted, seeing her pain reflected in his eyes.

“You could be,” he murmured, tenderly brushing her hair off her shoulder.

“With you?” she asked skeptically.

“With me,” he replied with a nod before his voice dropped to a low,
seductive tone. “You look amazing.” When she didn’t say anything, he
gently tilted her head up, looking into her eyes. “Come over tonight.”

“What?”

“I want to prove it to you…I want you to see that I’m not the same guy I
used to be.”

“I’ll be there,” she said softly. “But only because I have a feeling that I
won’t have a ride home until I get dragged over there.”

“I’ve changed, Buffy,” he said in an earnest tone.

Avoiding his eyes, she slowly began backing away from him. “I’ll believe it
when I see it.”





Thanks so much to: Caatje, spuffette, Crystal Pegasus, Tahmoe, Sevvy_O, TammyAsh666, ebontier, Seraiza, gypsy_jin, melissa, starhawk, Ash, Franchesca, Alicia, Caitie, Caroline, BuffyandSpikeForever, Manda, spikes slayer, Cordykitten, pj, Amanda, dreamgirl4eva & Nyah Ambrose for reviewing!

Chapter 16 - Illusions


Walking into the party with a heavy heart, Buffy had half a mind to
call a cab and get out of there as soon as she could. The sense of déjà vu that seemed to overwhelm her senses when she walked through the door almost sent her back into the hallway.

'This was exactly how it was,' she thought, swallowing hard, trying to
choke back her warring emotions. 'Walk into a party, you think
everything is okay, and then you see him and...

Her thoughts seemed to trail off when she caught a glimpse of platinum
hair across the room. Seeing Faith bolt to the other side of the room
to stand at his side, she felt the sickening feeling inside of her
grow.

"Do you want a drink?" Ben asked with a gentle smile.

"God, yes," she muttered, already walking toward the bar that was set
up along one wall, making a conscious effort to not look in Spike's
direction. She could practically feel his eyes on her, but a small
part of her wondered if it was wishful thinking on her part. After
all, William had never done anything to her but act the role of a
perfect gentleman. It was 'Spike' who hurt her. Of course, since
they were combined in the same man, Buffy didn't want to make the same
mistake of trusting him twice- not until she knew she could.

Grabbing a shot off the bar, Buffy quickly downed it, uncaring of what
the alcohol was. Making a face as the liquid burned down her throat,
she slammed it onto the hard surface and reached for another. Turning
around to face the room as she tipped the shot glass, her eyes briefly
connected with Spike's before closing and tilting her head back,
quickly swallowing more of the alcohol.

"You okay?" Ben asked when she finally glanced up at him, a surprised
look on her face when she remembered he'd been the one she'd shown up
with.

"Fine," Buffy muttered, already feeling a little lightheaded from the liquor.

"Okay," he said with a soft smile. "I'm going to go try and meet some
of the band members. You wanna come?"

"No thanks," Buffy replied, giving him a tense smile when he turned to
walk away.

Turning her back on the room, she bit her lip, surveying the vast
amount of alcohol that was laying before her. All thoughts drifted
from her head- not remembering Spike, not remembering her dad, not
remembering her promise to herself that she would never do this, Buffy
picked up a beer and tilted her head back, letting the bitter liquid
settle the burning in her throat that the harder alcohol had caused.

"Pace yourself, luv."

The soothing voice traveled toward her and she felt an immediate sense
of comfort wash over her before she remembered the last eight months.

"What do you care?" she asked, turning around and trying not to show
how his presence always seemed to unsettle her.

"I care about you," he said softly, gently taking her by the arm and
leading her toward the nearby hallway.

"Where's Faith?" Buffy asked, unable to hide the contempt in her voice.

"Who?"

"Leather pants, doe eyes?"

"Just described half the girls who are here, pet."

Glancing around the secluded area, Buffy suddenly realized Spike's
close proximity and the fact that they were virtually alone.

"I should get back out there," she murmured, trying to focus as the
alcohol made its way through her bloodstream, already making her sway
back and forth slightly.

"Who's the new guy?" Spike asked softly, trying to keep any accusation
out of his tone.

"Who?" Buffy asked, blinking rapidly to focus her eyes.

"The guy who brought you here."

"Ben?"

Spike merely looked at her.

"He's a friend," she said, shaking her head to clear it and
immediately bracing herself against the wall behind her as everything
seemed to be swimming in front of her.

"And your date," he added, reaching out to steady her with one hand on her hip.

Buffy sighed, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the
wall. "He's not my date," she whispered, shaking her head. "He's not
my anything. We had one date after...and nothing happened."

"Who is he?"

"He's Ben," Buffy replied, opening her eyes and giving him a questioning look.

"Is he good for you?"

"Is this 'friend Spike' now?" she asked, suddenly becoming angry with
all the questions.

"This is 'concerned Will'," he retorted.

"You're not Will," she murmured, bracing her hands against the wall.

"Then who am I?" he asked, watching as she finished off her beer
before he could stop her.

"You're Spike," she muttered, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked, taking a step forward and
effectively pushing her against the wall.

Buffy's heartbeat skyrocketed at his close proximity. She knew that
the gesture was meant to be entirely innocent, but she couldn't help
the twinge of fear that passed through her.

"I need to go," she whispered.

"Buffy-"

Reaching out to gently caress her cheek, Spike immediately jumped away
when he noticed her trembling.

"I'm sorry, luv," he said frantically. "I didn't...I would never...not again-"

"Spike-"

"You can go," he whispered, taking another step away from her. "If
that's what you want, you can leave. I never meant to…"

Buffy pressed her fingertips to her temples, trying to massage away the headache that was forming. "I'm just so tired," she murmured in a voice that made Spike's heart ache. "I'm
so tired of everything-of the drama, of my life, of-"

"Me?" he whispered.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Me."

* * * * *

An hour later, Spike kept a careful eye on Buffy as she swayed back
and forth, downing yet another shot. He didn't know how many this was
for her, but it was far past his breaking point. Seeing some friends
of his blatantly hitting on her, Spike finally walked over to the
small blonde who was giggling irrationally by this time. He was
willing to bet all the money he had that she hadn't even heard
anything funny- unless it was in her own head, of course.

"Spike," she said with a bright smile, practically throwing herself in his arms.

Nothing could have surprised him more than seeing the woman he loved
show him so much trust in the state she was in. He would have assumed
that in her drunken state, all of her hatred for him would have been
brought to the surface, but it appeared to be the opposite. She
seemed to glow as she looked at him with such trust that he felt
his entire body ache and tears come to his eyes when he realized that
this was just an illusion.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Buffy sighed in contentment when
she rested her head against his chest. "I've missed you," she
mumbled, her voice muffled.

"Missed you, too, luv," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

"I don't feel very good," she murmured, clutching at his shoulders.
"Can I lay down?"

Looking around the apartment, Spike sighed. The party was still going
strong, but he knew he couldn't deny her.

"I'll take you home," he said softly.

"No," she whispered, already falling asleep against him. "I don't
want to leave you."

'Bloody brilliant,' Spike thought, clenching his jaw.





Thanks so much to: Ash, spuffette, Caatje, Juanita, erin, Caitie, Laine, Seraiza, Amanda, Cordykitten, Sevvy_O, gypsy_jin, Alicia, Franchesca, Shala, BuffyandSpikeForever, tahmoe, H, Crystal Pegasus, Aislyn, dreamgirl4eva & Nyah Ambrose for reviewing!

Chapter 17 – Believing


Opening her eyes, Buffy groggily looked around the room she was in. It looked vaguely familiar as she tried to place where she was before she groaned and pressed her hands to her temples, trying to dissuade the headache that was rapidly making itself known, from spreading.

Groaning in pain, she slowly sat up, noticing that she was in a bed. A very familiar bed. Glancing around, her stomach flipped as her eyes widened, realizing where she was.

‘Oh God, he wouldn’t,’ she thought, her brain already clicking over to blind panic. ‘He wouldn’t, not…not like this…even if…’

Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes as images came back to her.

“Please, I need you,” she murmured as she felt his hands gently remove her dress.

Grabbing his shoulders and pulling him down to the bed, her lips eagerly sought his, gasping as she pushed against his covered erection and felt his body over hers. Her body arched as her hands twined through his hair, feeling his lips on her neck.

“Spike, please.”

“No,” Buffy whispered, her chin trembling as her hands traveled up to her face. Sobs shook through her as her entire body started to shake.

Hearing the door open, she immediately grabbed the comforter and pulled it more securely around her.

“Buffy?”

“I need to go home,” she muttered, not bothering to look up as she climbed out of bed. Searching for her dress while still wrapped in the heavy blanket, she tried to keep her mind from wandering. Seeing it on a nearby chair, Buffy quickly made her way over to it, shuddering when she felt his hand grab her arm. “Let me go, Spike.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked in concern, turning her to look at him.

“I just need to go.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“You…we…last night, you…”

Dropping her arm as if he’d been burned, Spike took a step away with a pained look on his face.

“You think that I would actually take advantage of you?”

“Didn’t you?” Buffy countered, her jaw set in anger.

“No,” he growled. “I don’t know what you remember, but you wouldn’t get near that bed last night unless I was with you. So yeah, I kissed you-”

“And undressed me,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Excuse me for thinking that you would be more comfortable in a shirt instead of that scrap of cloth you call a dress!” he replied, his voice rising in anger as he gestured to the chair.

Buffy stayed quiet as she glanced down at herself, realizing for the first time that she was wearing one of his shirts.

“You know what? Forget it,” Spike said, shaking his head and backing away from her. “I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past, but I would never…not like that…”

He trailed off with a choked voice before walking through the door.

“Get dressed,” he muttered. “I know you can’t wait to leave.”

His words were punctuated as he slammed the door behind him.

Buffy closed her eyes, biting her lip as she tried to keep the tears at bay. Taking a deep breath and throwing the comforter back on the bed, she quickly walked out of the room and through the apartment. Hearing the crashing sounds coming from the kitchen, which did nothing for her headache, Buffy timidly walked through the door, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I didn’t remember everything from last night and…let’s just say, I didn’t remember the right things.”

Seeing his nod, Buffy sighed as she sat down at the table.

“You’re mad,” she muttered, watching as he turned off the flame and tossed the pan to the back of the stove before bracing his hands against the counter on each side of it.

“I’m not,” he said in a soft voice, never looking at her. “Not at you, anyway. I’m mad at me. If I’d never given you reason to believe that I would do that, you never would have…”

Standing up to walk over to him, Buffy gently lay her hand on his back, surprised to feel the quivering in his muscles. “Spike?” she whispered, loosely grabbing his arm and turning him to face her, surprised when she saw the tears that were shimmering in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he whispered, reaching up to stroke her face but stopping before he made contact and letting his hand fall back to his side.

Coming to a decision, Buffy slowly reached for his hand, staring into his eyes as she brought it up to her face. Seeing Spike close his eyes as he cupped her cheek, she felt herself relax when he brought his forehead to hers.

“I know you’re sorry,” she whispered. “I know you weren’t exactly in your right mind, which is why I think this should go slow.”

Jumping slightly when she felt him jerk away from her, Buffy tilted her head in confusion.

“You mean- start over?” he asked in confusion.

“That was kind of the idea,” she murmured, biting her lip and tilting her head as she studied him.

“I don’t deserve that,” Spike replied, shaking his head and moving past her.

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?” Buffy asked in frustration, following him into the living room.

“I hurt you, Buffy,” he said in a choked voice.

“And you hurt yourself,” she replied, walking toward him. “You’re still hurting yourself.”

“What?” he asked in surprise.

“I kind of noticed there was an open bar last night,” she said softly. “I don’t recall that being one of the twelve steps on the road to recovery, but you never went near it.”

“Buffy-”

“You can be a good man, Spike. I’ve seen it. I believe in you.”

The look of shock and surprise on his face brought a smile to hers. Closing the distance between them, he hesitantly stood in front of her, waiting for Buffy to make the next move. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she slowly pulled him to her for a tender hug, relaxing when she felt Spike’s arms around her waist. Resting his chin on the top of her head, he sighed after a minute. “Do you need to go?” he asked softly.

“No,” she whispered. “Not right now.”

“I love you,” he said quietly.

Feeling the slight squeeze of her arms, Spike let his eyes close. For now, it was the only answer he needed.

---

A/N Thanks again to Allison and pj for all their help!!


Thanks so much to: spuffette, Tahmoe, Seraiza, gypsy_jin, melissa, Alicia, Ash, Franchesca, Bint, Cordykitten, jenny, H, BuffyandSpikeForever, pj, spikes slayer, Caitie, Mockerfab4, Crystal Pegasus, dreamgirl4eva, Sevvy_O, Laine & starhawk for reviewing!

---

Chapter 18 - Second Chances


“How did it go?” Angel asked, sitting in the chair across from Spike.

“The usual- anger, denial, drama…and Buffy wasn’t much better,” he added with a smirk, tossing the other man a beer bottle before leaning back in his chair and lighting a cigarette.

“Very funny,” Angel muttered. “Are you two okay?”

“I don’t know,” Spike said with a slight shrug. “I think she might give me a second chance…not that I deserve one.”

“Why do you think you don’t deserve one?”

Looking at his friend as if he had lost his mind, Spike clenched his jaw as he glanced at the hallway that led to his bedroom. The same room that he couldn’t walk into without being assaulted by the horrible images of Buffy’s terrified face. “I tried to rape her, Angel,” he said quietly. “I don’t know how she could forgive me for that.”

“It’s up to her,” his friend replied softly. “If she thinks you should be forgiven, then why question it?”

“Because I remember every detail. It all comes back to me with so much clarity that it chokes me. I don’t want to hurt her again,” he said, shaking his head and staring up at the ceiling.

“Do you think you would?”

“No,” Spike replied shaking his head. “At least, I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but is it worth the risk?”

“For you or for her?”

Spike stayed quiet, his jaw tightening as he turned once more to look at the hallway. “For her,” he muttered, feeling a sense of finality run through him.

* * * * *

“Hi!”

Turning toward the chipper voice, Spike had to smile at Buffy as she stood in front of him, looking so refreshingly young and wholesome in a pair of jeans and a sweater. Her hands were clasped behind her back and her ponytail was swinging lightly as she waited for an acknowledgment.

“Evening, pet,” he said with a grin, winding up the remainder of the extension cord.

“I would have been here earlier,” she said, walking past him and hopping up on the small stage that the band used for rehearsals. “But my little maggot of a boss put me on the early shift.”

“I would think that would be a good thing,” Spike said with a soft smile, leaning on the stage as he turned to face her.

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “All the tippers come in at night. It’s practically dead in there until midnight, and letting me off at ten is just his meager show of authority.”

“And what does he need to prove to you?” he asked, turning away from her to toss the cord onto the stage and boost himself up to sit next to her.

“That he’s the almighty higher power as far as I’m concerned, and if I would just go on a date with him, he’ll make my life easier.”

Glancing down at the floor, Spike took a deep breath. “And…what do you say to him?”

“That he’s a sleaze who only looks at girls and sees one thing and that’s how to get between their legs,” Buffy replied with a smile. “What did you think I would say?” she asked, leaning over and bumping her shoulder against Spike’s.

“I don’t know,” he replied with a smile of his own. “And you still have a job?”

“Surprisingly,” she said with a laugh.

Spike was mildly surprised that they had fallen into such an effortless rapport, but he wasn’t about to question it. Unfortunately, he was the only one who had that thought.

“So, um…what’s going on? With us…I mean?” she asked hesitantly. “Are we friends?”

“Is that what you want?” he countered nervously.

“Well…you were the one who asked me here to watch the rehearsal. I guess I thought…”

“I want that if you do, pet,” he whispered, wishing that he had the right to want more from her.

“I’d like that,” she said with a smile, looking around the area. “What’s going on tonight?”

“Nothing much,” Spike replied, hopping down from the stage. “Told the guys to go ahead and take off. I just have to turn out the lights and then I’m free.”

“Would you…want to go do something?” Buffy asked, biting her lip as she waited for his answer.

“What’d you have in mind, pet?” he asked, tilting his head to study her with a soft smile.

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “You wanna take a walk or something?”

“I’m thinking the ‘or something’ is probably the safer bet. Don’t really fancy walking the streets of L.A. this time of night.”

“Okay then,” she said, hopping down from her seat. “Where to?”

“Let me lock up and we’ll figure it out.”

“Bathroom?” Buffy asked, looking around the area.

“Around the corner,” Spike said, smiling when Buffy walked off with a bounce in her step. “I’ll meet you outside, Goldilocks.”

“Alright,” she called over her shoulder as Spike shut off the lights, leaving one row on as he grabbed his coat, pulling it on as he walked out the door.

“I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever come out.”

Feeling his blood turn to ice water in his veins, Spike froze. His hands still up around his neck as he adjusted his collar before slowly straightening, he turned toward the familiar voice.

“What are you doing here, Dru?”

“I’ve come to see my sweet William,” the brunette murmured as she approached.

Spike gulped as he looked into her hypnotic eyes, quickly breaking away from her gaze. “You shouldn’t be here,” he muttered, glancing nervously at the building.

“I missed you,” she whispered, sidling up to him and letting her hands run over his chest.

“I didn’t miss you,” he replied, catching her hands in his and taking a step away from her.

“My sweet Spike. He’s all turned upside down. You need to be put on the right track. Come…Mummy will put you right.”

“No,” Spike growled, shaking his head. “I’m not like that anymore. I’ve changed. I’m not going back to that.”

Hearing the door open behind him, Spike briefly closed his eyes as he let go of Dru’s hands and turned to face Buffy.

“Am I interrupting something?” she asked, glancing back and forth between the two. She couldn’t stop the jealous feelings from creeping up inside of her as she studied their body language.

“No,” Spike said, glancing at Drusilla.

“She’s the reason,” Dru said angrily. “You’re all covered in the girl and she won’t let my Spike out to play.”

“Go home, Dru,” Spike muttered, walking over to Buffy and taking her hand in his. He thought he saw a brief sense of relief flash in her eyes, but he knew he had to be imagining things. “I don’t want to see you anymore,” he called over his shoulder. “I’m not the same.”

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “You’re not.”

Not sparing her a second glance, Spike led Buffy to his car, opening the door and gesturing for her to get in. Buffy did so with a worried look on her face, watching as the other woman turned and walked away, she waited until they had been driving for a few minutes before saying anything.

“Am I supposed to keep quiet or are you going to talk to me?”

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked quietly.

“Spike,” she replied in a warning tone.

“Alright,” he muttered, turning the car toward her apartment building. “We’ll talk…I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”




Thanks so much to: spuffette, melissa, Mari, Alicia, TammyAsh666, lara, Cordykitten, Franchesca, VamptasticA, tahmoe, Sevvy_O, Laine, stace, gypsy_jin, BuffyandSpikeForever, H, Caitie, starhawk, spikes slayer, pj, Nyah Ambrose, dreamgirl4eva, Caroline, & Bint for reviewing!

Chapter 19 – Dangerous Territory


Spike took a deep breath as Buffy handed him a cup of steaming tea before sitting in the chair across from him. He studied her for a moment, taking in her body language as she curled her legs beneath her and nervously bit her lip, waiting for him to begin.

“What do you think I’m about to tell you, pet?” he asked with a soft smile.

“I really don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m hoping you’ll clear up who the woman is.”

With a long sigh, Spike leaned forward and set his cup on the coffee table, clasping his hands in front of him as he rested his arms on his knees.

“Drusilla. Her name’s Drusilla.”

“And she was?”

“She was…who I thought I would be with. My life. My dark goddess…the love of my life. At least, that’s what I told myself.”

Seeing Buffy physically shutting her emotions away from him, Spike closed his eyes.

“I thought we were meant to be together. I thought that everything she said was true.”

“I’m not really following,” she whispered, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“She got me into a bunch of things that I now wish I was strong enough to fight against.”

“The drugs?”

“The drugs, the alcohol…the women.”

“What?”

Spike took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck as he sat up to look at her with pained eyes. “She encouraged it…all of it.”

“So…the first time that you and I were together…”

“I wasn’t with Dru,” he murmured. “We’ve been on-again, off-again for years, but I know I wasn’t with her when I was with you.”

Buffy shuddered at the thought of being with someone like Spike and willingly sharing him with other women.

“And you just… voluntarily continued to cheat on your girlfriend?” she asked, biting her lip as she refused to make eye contact with him.

“No,” he whispered in a pained voice. “I didn’t…she had her reasons.”

“And they were?”

“She was using me so that she could get in good with other people in the business.”

“Other rock stars?”

“Yeah.”

“So…if she was your ‘life’, what did that make me?”

“My salvation,” he said, not hesitating for a moment.

Buffy took a deep breath, bringing her legs up to her chest and letting her chin rest on her knees. “And she got you started on the drugs?”

“If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else,” he mumbled, standing up and pacing around the small living room, shoving his hands in his pockets as he retreated into himself.

“Did you love her?”

“I thought I did.”

“And now?”

Taking a moment to look at her, Spike took a deep breath. “Now, I know who I love.”

Buffy shivered at the honesty in his tone. Slowly rising from her seat, she walked over to stand in front of him, putting a stop to his pacing. “Promise me you’ve changed,” she whispered.

“They’re just words,” he replied in a choked voice. “They don’t mean anything.”

“They would mean something to me.”

“Why?” he asked, growing frustrated, his voice rising as he became more distressed. “I promised I would never hurt you. Promised that I would give up the drugs. Promised that I would never…”

Spike trailed off in a choked voice, turning away from Buffy as he tried to calm himself down.

“What do you want to happen, Spike?” she asked, growing angry at his refusal. “Do you want to go back to Drusilla?”

“No.”

“Do you want to start the drugs again?” she asked, her voice rising.

“No!”

“Do you want to hurt someone?”

“No…yes…I don’t know!” he cried, grabbing his hair as if he was wanting to pull it out.

“Who?” she asked, stepping forward until he backed up. “Who do you want to hurt, Spike?”

“I-I don’t-”

“Who!?” she screamed, pushing him into a wall.

Having nowhere to go, Spike felt himself involuntarily lashing out. Grabbing Buffy’s shoulders and spinning them around until she was the one pinned to the wall.

“Why are you doing this?” he yelled. “Why are you trying to test me? Are you trying to prove something? Fine! Yes, I want to hurt someone! I want to so bad that it chokes me!”

“Then do it,” she challenged. “If you’re so desperate to punish someone, then get it over with…finish what you started. What are you waiting for?” she yelled, pushing against him to try and get some kind of reaction. “No one’s here to stop you…do it.”

“Not you,” he said in choked whisper, letting her go and backing away as he frantically wiped his tears away. “I never want to hurt you. I want to take all the pain that I’ve caused you and put it on myself because you don’t deserve it.”

Seeing the tears streaming down his cheeks, Buffy’s expression softened. “I know you’ve changed, William,” she whispered, seeing the hope in his eyes that she had used his actual name.

“I shouldn’t even be here. I don’t deserve anything from you, least of all your friendship,” he said softly, bringing his hands up to cup her face. “That was a dangerous thing to try. Why’d you do it?”

“Because it wasn’t dangerous,” she whispered, breathing a sigh of relief as his hands slid through her hair, pulling her closer to him for a much needed embrace.

Wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head on his chest, Buffy smiled when she felt him relax against her.

“I don’t want to be friends,” she murmured, feeling him stiffen all over again.

“Right then,” he muttered, trying to pull away.

“God, do you ever try and listen when someone talks to you?” she asked, pulling back to look at him with a smile.

“What else is there?”

“Maybe I want to be more than friends,” she said softly, casting her eyes downward and biting her lip before continuing in a hesitant voice. “Maybe I think it’s time to let go of our pasts and start fresh.”

“What happens if I don’t think I’m ready?” Spike whispered.

“Then walk away,” Buffy replied softly. “Walk out that door and let me know that you can be happier without me.” Seeing the pained look on his face, she continued, “Or stay and prove to me that you really are a different person.”

“I promise,” he said in a choked whisper. “I promise I’ve changed.”

“There,” she said with a grin. “Was that really so hard?”

“You have no idea,” Spike said with a smile.




Thank you so much to: Ash, Crystal Pegasus, Caatje, Franchesca, Mari, Cordykitten, spuffette, pj, Bint, Alicia, Laine, samica, Caitie, gypsy_jin, Nyah Ambrose, spikes slayer, dreamgirl4eva, Tahmoe & starhawk for reviewing!

---

A/N This was the point where either Dru could come back into the picture and stir up trouble or I could leave the poor kids alone and I realized…I have enough angst in my fics, they need a break :-) So for those who were wondering, Dru won’t return. Thank (as always) to Allison and to pj for all their help and for songgal1 for suggesting this song (although I was thinking of the Rod Stewart version) :-)

---

Chapter 20 – When I Need You


Walking out of the club, Buffy was mildly surprised to see a limousine outside the door.

‘Must be a VIP,’ she thought as she continued walking along the sidewalk, wanting nothing more than to go home and curl up in her favorite pajamas after such a hard night of work.

“Miss Summers?”

Turning around, Buffy looked around before her eyes settled on the limo driver, looking at him with a questioning gaze.

“I’ve been instructed to give you this.”

Hesitantly taking the envelope that was in his outstretched hand, Buffy’s brows knit together as she opened it and pulled out the piece of cream-colored stationary. Smiling when she recognized Spike’s familiar handwriting, she let her finger run along the frayed edge of the paper as she read the note.

Happy Anniversary, Goldilocks.
I know it’s only been a month, but what can
I say…I couldn’t wait. Let the limo take you
to the destination and I’ll see you soon.

All my love,

Will

The smile on her face broadened as she wiped away the tears that were rapidly beginning to slip down her cheeks before turning toward the driver. “I’m supposed to go with you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Any way you can tell me what’s going on?” she asked as he helped her into the back of the limo, watching as the driver chuckled.

“I’m afraid that he wouldn’t even tell me what was happening.”

“Figures,” she muttered good-naturedly.

* * * * *

Not surprised when the limo pulled in front of William’s apartment building, Buffy slowly exited the car and looked at the building with a raised eyebrow.

“What do you have planned, Mr. Thornton,” she said softly to herself.

Walking through the building and into the elevator, she fidgeted with her clothes and grabbed a comb out of her purse, smoothing out her hair before quickly tucking it away and listening to the familiar ‘ding’ of the bell, announcing that she was on William’s floor.

Biting her lip as she walked through the hallway, Buffy stopped in front of his apartment and took a deep breath. Knocking on the door, she frowned when it opened under the pressure of her hand.

The frown soon melted away when she saw the glow of candlelight meet her eyes. Looking around in amazement, her lips parted as she looked at the rose petals that covered the floor. Walking into the apartment and shutting the door behind her, Buffy smiled when she saw Spike sitting on a leather ottoman, an ice bucket with a bottle of sparkling grape juice sitting next to him. She had to smile at his choice, grateful that he was still showing her how much he had changed.

“What is all this?” she asked, the smile never leaving her face as she tilted her head to look at him.

“Just wanted to show you how much you mean to me, pet,” he said softly. “Sit down.”

Buffy looked over as he gestured to the ottoman across from him. Narrowing her eyes slightly as she wondered what he was up to and why he didn’t get up and greet her with a kiss, she merely shook her head and took the offered seat.

“Now, what’s this all…”

Trailing off when she saw him reach behind him and lift up his guitar, her face flushed when she realized what he was planning. Gently strumming the chords, Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as his voice carried throughout the room, drifting toward her.

“When I need you
I just close my eyes and I'm with you
And all that I so want to give you
it's only a heart beat away

When I need love
I hold out my hand and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
A telephone can't take the place of your smile
But you know I won't be traveling forever
It's cold out but hold out and do like I do

When I need you
I just close my eyes and I'm with you
And all that I so want to give you baby
it's only a heart beat away

It's not easy when the road is your driver
Honey that's a heavy load that we bear
But you know I won't be traveling a lifetime
It's cold out so hold out and do like I do

When I need you

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
keeping me warm night and day

When I need you
I close my eyes
I hold out my hand and I've got you darlin'
It's only a heart beat away
Now listen
When I need you darlin'
I hold you, feel ya
Give it to me baby

And I miss ya baby
Just close my eyes and I'm with you
And I need you tonight
You know it's only a heart beat away.”

Buffy looked down, trying to steady her breathing as she sniffled back the tears, listening to him put the guitar on the floor before slowly getting up and walking toward her.

Gently taking her hand in his and pulling her to her feet, Spike let his hand gently cup her face. His thumb brushed along her cheekbone, directing her gaze toward him.

Looking up at him with eyes filled with unshed tears, Buffy took a deep breath. “I love you, William. I love you so much.”

Spike felt as if his heart was constricting as he looked into her eyes, hearing the sincerity in her voice. Bringing his lips to hers in a tender kiss, he felt complete for the first time in months. Letting his lips play over hers for a moment, he slowly pulled away. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I never-”

“Shh,” Buffy said softly, placing a finger over his lips and shaking her head. “You’re not the same. I know that…I love you because of it.”

Kissing the tip of her finger, Spike slowly took her hands in his. “Tell me again,” he murmured, smiling as she blushed. “Please.”

Buffy smiled, tightening her hold on him. “I love you.”




Thanks so much to: spuffette, TammyAsh666, Tahmoe, SpuffyLovingJess, Crystal Pegasus, Caitie, samica, Cordykitten, bint, Alicia, Sevvy_O, BuffyandSpikeForever, Laine, gypsy_jin, spikes slayer, dreamgirl4eva, Franchesca, Slayer Rock Chick & Seraiza for reviewing!

Chapter 21 – Meet the Parents


Buffy smiled as she walked out of the club, seeing Spike leaning against a vintage Desoto.

“What’s this?” she asked in surprise, looking at the car.

“Little gift to myself,” he said with a smile, running his hand over the hood before pushing away from it and walking over to her.

“No more limos?” she asked in mild surprise.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Figured I’d try living life as a normal guy for a change.”

“Meaning?” Buffy asked skeptically, relaxing when his arms wrapped around her waist.

“Come home with me,” he whispered, looking at her with so much hope, Buffy felt her heart swell.

“Spike…we agreed to take it slow.”

“I don’t mean the apartment. I want you to meet my family. I’m going home for Christmas and I want you to be there.”

“I-I don’t know,” she said hesitantly.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to,” he whispered. “We haven’t been together that long, but I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t ask you.”

“So is this a pity invite or do you really want me to go?”

“Do you really have to ask me that?” Spike asked with a smile.

“When are you leaving?” Buffy asked, walking over to the car and letting her hand trail along the surface.

“Tomorrow,” he mumbled.

“Tomorrow?” she asked in alarm. “And you’re just asking me this now?”

“I got a little nervous,” he muttered, unable to make eye contact with her.

Buffy immediately smiled. He looked so much like a little boy when he hung his head. “I have work,” she said softly.

“It’s alright, I already got your boss to give you a few days off.”

“You have got to stop doing that,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Yeah, but it’s fun,” he said, chuckling as she swatted his chest. “Besides, I don’t like the ponce.”

“You and me both,” she murmured. “When do we leave?”

Spike blinked at the sudden change in her attitude. “You really want to go?” he asked, somewhat surprised.

“Well…yeah,” she replied, giving him a bright smile.

Spike seemed to hesitate for a moment before giving her a shaky nod.

“Unless you really don’t want me to,” Buffy added, suddenly becoming unsure of his body language.

“I want you to,” Spike said quickly. “I just didn’t…I guess I thought…”

“You didn’t think I’d trust you enough to go away with you?”

“That about sums it up,” he muttered.

“Well, I do,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I trust you and I love you…isn’t that enough?”

“It’s enough,” he whispered, letting his fingertips trail along her arms. “I guess it still surprises me.”

“Well, don’t let it,” Buffy murmured, brushing a kiss along his lips. “What time are we leaving?”

“Early,” he whispered, leaning down to reclaim her lips for another brief kiss.

“Should I be nervous?” she asked with a smile.

“About my family? Terrified.” Seeing the shocked look cross her face, Spike had to laugh. “Kidding, pet. No,” he said, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t be nervous. They’ll welcome you with open arms.”

* * * * *

Fidgeting with her white sweater and straightening her light gray pants, Buffy tried to calm her nerves as Spike helped her out of the car. The house was a beautiful Victorian, sitting away from the main roads of the small town. Decorated with thousands of Christmas lights, strung along the sprawling porch and twining around the pine trees that were dispersed through the yard, Buffy had to smile at the homey environment that the house immediately offered.

“William!”

Hearing the swinging of the screen door as it hit the side of the house, Buffy’s gaze immediately flew back to the front, seeing a crowd of people running out. Suddenly feeling incredibly overwhelmed, Buffy found herself taking a step back but was immediately stopped when she felt Spike’s reassuring presence beside her.

“Mum,” he said with a smile, grabbing Buffy’s hand in his before walking forward and meeting his mother with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek, never letting go of Buffy.

Feeling herself dragged along as Spike pulled her from person to person, she felt her face begin to turn red when everyone’s attention appeared to be on her.

“Alright,” Spike said, wrapping his arm around Buffy’s shoulders. “Everyone, this is Buffy,” he said with so much pride that the entire group seemed to beam back at him. “Buffy, you ready for this?” he whispered, loud enough for everyone to hear as they laughed. “This is my mother, Anne, stepfather Rupert, cousin Wesley and his wife Faith, cousin, from the other side, Andrew and sisters- Fred, Kate, and Darla and Darla’s husband Lindsey.”

Seeing the overwhelmed look on the young woman’s face, Anne quickly stepped up and wrapped her in a hug. “It’s so nice of you to join us,” she said with a warm smile.

“Thank you,” Buffy said shyly, feeling herself pried away from Spike as he talked to his stepfather, while the girls surrounded Buffy and began to lead her to the house.

“It’s so exciting to have you here,” Fred said with a bright smile.

“Yeah,” Darla agreed. “This is definitely a first.”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, looking between all of the women.

“This is the first time William has ever brought anyone home,” Anne said, her arm still wrapped around the woman who she knew would eventually be her daughter-in-law.

“He hasn’t?” Buffy asked in confusion, thinking of Drusilla.

“No,” Fred replied, shaking her head. “Not for anything, least of all for Christmas.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Buffy watched Spike as he talked to the men, showing off his car. Looking up, she blushed when he gave her a soft smile.

‘Love you,’ he mouthed, winking at her.

She smiled before blowing him a kiss and following his family into the house. It was definitely going to be a good Christmas.



Thanks so much to: TammyAsh666, Seraiza, Caitie, Tahmoe, Caatje, Juanita, Sevvy_O, Cordykitten, starhawk, Mari, gypsy_jin, Alicia, Laine, BuffyandSpikeForever, Crystal Pegasus, Franchesca, samica, bint, dreamgirl4eva & spikes slayer for reviewing!

Chapter 22 – Happily Ever After…Eventually

---

A/N Some of this dialogue belongs to Joss Whedon.

---

“What do you think?” Spike asked, closing his eyes as Buffy snuggled closer to him. Their interlaced hands rested on her shoulder as her back leaned into his chest, enjoying the cool night air as they sat on the porch swing, enjoying a few stolen moments of peace.

“What do I think of what?” Buffy asked, turning to look at him.

“The family,” he replied, gesturing toward the house.

“They’re amazing,” Buffy said with a smile, sighing when Spike’s other arm wrapped around her waist, holding her even closer.

“Yeah,” he agreed, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “How would you feel about becoming a member?”

“What?” Buffy asked, pulling away to look at him in shock. Feeling her breathing escalate as Spike reached into his pocket and extracted a small velvet box, opening it with one hand. She suddenly felt the need to gasp for air, seeing the huge cushion-cut diamond resting on a platinum band, her eyes slowly moved upward until she was staring at Spike.

“Well?” he asked with a smile that quickly faded when Buffy slapped him in the chest. “Can I take that as a ‘maybe’?” he asked, suddenly looking worried.

“You're proposing to me!”

“Yes,” Spike said slowly, his brows knit together as he studied her.

“Why?”

“Because I love you,” he said softly, his face suddenly worried.

“But you’re a rock star.”

“You’ve known that for a while, luv,” he replied, getting more worried with each passing moment.

“And you’re proposing to me because you think it’s the thing you should do, and you think it’s all romantic and sexy and, and you know you’re not gonna have to go through with it because-”

“I’m proposing to you, Buffy, because I want to be with you forever. You’re not some conquest on my to-do list of who I want to divorce. You’re the one. The only one.”

“You can't know that,” she whispered, her eyes suddenly drawn back to the ring as she bit her lip, hoping he would prove her wrong.

“I believe it,” he said softly. “I think we’re going to get through this and anything else that might be thrown in our way. I think I’m going to live a long and healthy life and I’m not interested in doing that without you around.”

“Oh,” Buffy said with a soft smile.

“Oh?” he asked, his voice filled with uncertainty.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I mean, yes.”

Bright smiles came across both their faces as they looked at the ring. Hesitantly reaching for her hand, Spike pulled the ring from its velvet cushion before he heard Buffy’s voice.

“No.”

“No?” he repeated, slightly deflated, looking at her with fear in his eyes.

“After,” she said softly. “Give it to me when you’ve been sober for a year…because I’ll still be here.”

Smiling slightly, Spike tucked the ring back in his pocket, relaxing when Buffy put her arms around his neck and gave him a soft kiss.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

“Love you, too, baby,” he said with a smile, holding her close. “Ready to go in?” he asked after a few more minutes.

“Yeah,” she murmured, standing and pulling him to his feet, never letting herself lose contact with him.

* * * * *

Walking around Spike’s childhood room, Buffy couldn’t help but smile. Carefully picking up one of the many trophies from a shelf, she held it up to read the inscription. Giggling softly, she shook her head before turning to look at Spike, seeing him comfortably sitting on the edge of the bed. “Will, why does it say ‘Most Valuable Football Player’?”

“Because it was a football trophy, pet,” he replied with a smile.

“A football trophy with a soccer ball and the word soccer has been crossed out with magic marker and replaced with ‘football’?”

“Bloody Americans,” he muttered. “The rest of the soddin’ world calls it football, but you yanks have to go and rename it something else, just to call rugby football.”

Biting her lip to keep from laughing, Buffy put the trophy back in place, walking over to the bed and slowly straddling Spike’s lap. “What can I say?” she replied with a smile, letting her hands clasp behind his neck. “We like to be original.”

“With names like ‘Buffy’, you’d have to be,” Spike replied, trying to keep from smiling at the look of indignation that crossed her face.

“Hey!” she cried, sitting up straighter. “You’re one to talk, Spike!”

“At least that was a nickname for me. What’s your excuse?” Seeing the pout that was playing on her bottom lip, Spike gave her a gentle smile. “Now, luv, I was only kidding.”

“You do realize that you’ve lived in this country more than half your life? You’re considered a ‘bloody American’ in spite of the silly accent.”

Flipping her over until she was lying beneath him on the bed, Spike raised an eyebrow. “Silly?” he repeated, leaning forward to her ear. “You didn’t seem to take issue with that when I was whispering little nasties in your ear.”

“I like it better when you’re whispering how much you love me,” she said with a soft smile as Spike pulled back to look at her.

“I love you,” he said with so much feeling and emotion, Buffy felt her heart swell.

“I know you do,” she murmured.

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me.”

Buffy smiled, snuggling closer to him and letting her hand trail along his chest. “Nah,” she said with a slight shake of her head. “I’m unattainable. You really shouldn’t waste your time.”

Spike chuckled, hearing her soft giggle and tenderly kissed her forehead. “I mean it, Buffy.”

“Okay,” she said with a loving smile. “I’m holding you to that.”



THE END

---

A/N That’s all folks. To everyone who supported this story- thank you so, so, so much! Originally I had another love scene at the end, but after talking to Allison and pj (who I cannot thank enough for their help and suggestions throughout the long course of writing this fic! Make sure you read their stories as well) I decided (with their help and suggestions) that it didn’t fit. It was too soon and they needed to wait. I’m not really much for doing epilogues the way I used to be, so I’m fairly sure this is the end, because I’m proud of it. You all are smart readers and you know things work out in the end :-)

Thanks so much to: Anne, Caatje, spufette, melissa, Cordykitten, Alicia, starhawk, Crystal Pegasus, samica, BuffyandSpikeForever, Bint, gypsy_jin, Franchesca, spikes slayer & dreamgirl4eva for reviewing!

---