This series carries on from where ‘Car Trouble’ left off, (although we may dip back into it occasionally) with Buffy and Spike in a relationship, all the Scooby’s are more or less accepting of it, and Angel (who is with Cordelia) HATES the idea …………

Night School

By the Kings of Mercia

Rating NC17

This is for our Deb – (LoobyLoo) who we all love dearly, we couldn’t be without you, babe!



Chapter 1

Spike entered the house via the back door. He could hear voices coming from the lounge.

He wandered in to see Willow and Buffy sitting on the couch, Buffy having a college evening class list on her knee, and a pin in her hand.

“Hey babe” Spike leaned over and Buffy dropped her head back and gave him a light kiss.

“Hi Red, so what are you doing?”

Throwing his duster over the back of one of the armchairs, Spike came and sat by the two girls.

“Well, we decided to improve our minds!” Willow said with her customary sunny grin.

“I see – so?”

“So, we got a pin, and said that the first course we stick with a pin, we’ll do!”

“Oh, right” Spike said, frowning because there was an awful lot of pin-pricks in the paper for ‘first’…

“I’m doing Advanced Computer Languages for Business, incorporating Graphics Programmes for Networks” Willow said, still smiling. Spike just blinked at her, well, whatever floated your boat, he supposed………

“And I’m doing………” Buffy closed her eyes and brought the pin down, opened her eyes and scrutinised,

“………Macramé – Macramé, what’s that?” Buffy asked frowning. Spike shrugged and Willow piped up,

“Oh, I know – it’s string”

“String? They have a evening course on string?” Buffy asked doubtfully

“No, you knot it, and make things…like um, like plant pot holders and stuff”

“I see. No. I’m not ready for granny’s craft circle yet, I’ll try again” Buffy closed her eyes and raised the pin, but Spike picked up the booklet up off her lap and began to peruse the other courses that had been rejected. Buffy opened her eyes and said,

“Oi, I’ve got to choose again!”

“Er, hold on, I thought you said ‘first course’ you stuck the pin in…there must be a dozen holes in this thing at least!” Spike said holding the paper up to the light

“Ah, um, well you see all the ones I’ve picked so far, aren’t suitable” Buffy stated

Spike frowned, went to turn the page but Buffy stopped him

“No, it’s got to be that page, coz it’s a Tuesday and that’s the day of Will’s course too” Buffy said. Spike left it at the right page and said,

“Okay then…what was wrong with, let me see…………Advanced Chinese Cookery?”

“I can’t do BASIC Chinese cookery, let alone advanced, and why should I bother, because I have a perfectly nice Chinese man on the end of speed-dial 4, who does it for me anyway, and he delivers too!” Buffy reasoned with a grin, so Spike went back to perusing.

“Serbo-Croat?”

“I know, pointless – I’m never going to go to Outer Mongolia or wherever they speak Serbo-Croat anyway. I thought it was something like kick-boxing at first, until Willow told me it was a language”

“Outer Mongolia – you mean Croatia – or even Serbia!” Spike said

“Where ever, and I’m not going, and to go through all that learning just to end up talking to the teacher”

“I suppose, and you even manage to mangle MY beloved English language badly enough as it is…”

“Cheek!” Buffy popped a punch on Spike’s leg

“OW! – Okay then, what was wrong with………self-defence – ah, no silly me, course not, you could probably show them a thing or two…um…alright, sugar craft?” Spike asked, raising a brow.

“Cake decorating. That would mean me bringing home too many cakes, I’d get fat and spotty”

“Reading the Classics?”

“Too much like school – anyway, give me that…I’ve got to choose…okay, here goes………and…THAT one! What is it, what have I picked?”

“Salsa Dancing” Willow said squinting.

Buffy opened her eyes thoughtfully, and looked at the sheet.

“Salsa dancing, hmm – yeah…yeah alright then, Salsa dancing it is!” Willow grinned and Spike frowned

“Salsa dancing, but um…”

“But what?”

“Aren’t you supposed to have a partner for that, and how would that be improving your mind?”

“Oh be quiet. And no…I should imagine that you don’t need to take a partner they just pair you up when you get there – it’ll be fun. Anyway, are we going patrolling now, or what?”

They walked three-quarters of the way home with Willow, Buffy having arranged to meet her the following lunchtime at the college to enrol for their chosen classes. After saying goodnight, they left the redhead and went through to the cemetery.

“You won’t miss me, it’s when you go and do mysterious things with Clem!”

“I’ve told you, there’s nothing mysterious!”

“So why won’t you tell me – hold on!” Buffy stopped and folded her arms. Spike stopped and felt a slight tingle of dread in his stomach, he knew that stance…

“You’d better NOT be playing kitten poker!”

“No, no it’s – it’s nothing like that!” Spike dismissed her with a wave of his hand, and Buffy could tell he wasn’t lying, she could always tell when he was.

“What then?”

“Buffy – can’t I have any secrets?”

Buffy swirled around an pinned him up against a mausoleum

“Not with me…tell me?” Her mouth was a merest hint away from his cool lips, teasing.

“You say anything, and I SWEAR I’ll………we watch Passions. I tape it and we watch all five episodes a week at once”

Buffy started to giggle, and she backed away

“Passions – oh my god!”

“There’s nothing wrong with it!” Spike said defensively

“There’s nothing RIGHT about it, you mean – it’s AWFUL!”

“It’s not that bad”

“Oh it is, and the fact that you watch it – who’d a thunk it – the Big Bad watching –Spike…what are you looking at like that for?”

“I warned you…c’mere you little…when I catch you, I’m going put you over my knee and spank that little peachy arse of yours, then I’m going to bite it!”

With an ‘EEP’, Buffy was off and running, laughing and giggling as she vaulted over gravestones with Spike in hot pursuit………

With her back kept pressed to a large carved stone angel, Buffy risked a peek to see if she could see Spike coming, she was trying not to breath hard or giggle.

“Slayer…where are you………I’m coming to get you!”

So as not to laugh, Buffy shoved her glove in her mouth, and she was just about to creep off, when

“GOTTCHA!”

“Eep! Oh…now – what are you do – put me down………Spike, SPIKE, you wouldn’t dare – Spike, I’m warn – ah – warning you………hey those were new! Oh, oh…!”

Spike had ripped her thong off, and before she knew it he’d turned her round and suddenly she was face down over his knee with her bare bottom exposed.

“Spike! Don’t you DARE!” she began to wriggle, but he held her tight.

Spike lovingly ran his cool hand over her peachy smooth skin and then bought his hand down, saying,

“Going, to, spank, this, little, arse of yous, until, it’s cherry-red!”

Buffy could feel her bottom glowing almost as much as her face, and she began to wriggle even more on his lap.

His little smacks didn’t hurt her; in fact she was wildly turned on by the very fact that she was vulnerable and exposed.

Spike smirked when he could smell her arousal begin to pour out of her, and he stopped smacking and caressed her bottom with his cool hand, before slipping his fingers between her legs and gently he began to stroke her wet sticky labia.

Buffy mewled and wriggled and tried to angle herself against his questing fingers

“You’re all wet, kinky little vixen you” Spike rumbled in her ear, causing her to shiver as his cool breath tickled, she gasped out when he managed to slip a couple of fingers inside her tight wet depths, Buffy bucked and writhed, trying to open her legs even more, almost slipping off his lap.

When his thumb began the feather-light circles over her clit she begged him to make her come.

“Please Spike, please, let me come – oh god, please!”

He loved it when she begged, and speeding up his dextrous movements he lowered his head and just as Buffy hit her peak and he felt the soft cushiony walls begin to contract around his fingers, he slid his fangs into the cheek of her bottom and Buffy bucked wildly, grinding herself hard against the heel of his hand increasing the sensations.

When she relaxed, Spike withdrew his fangs and fingers from her, and gently helped her to stand up. She smoothed her skirt down and said,

“You wait until I get you home, Mr!” but she was grinning and Spike just smirked

“Yeah, yeah, blondie, bring it on!”

Chapter 2


“Right then, I’ll meet you here at half past or there abouts, okay?” Willow said to Buffy by the main doors of the entrance hall of the college.

“Sure – have fun!” then Buffy frowned, how could Willow POSSIBLY have fun…

“And you – hey Cecil, wait for me – “ Willow trotted after a studious looking boy wearing thick glasses. A bigger, geekier looking kid you’d be hard pressed to find!

Buffy walked to the main hall and opened the door. There were a few people there, mostly teenage girls, and a couple of ‘mom’ types.

In the next few minutes, more women arrived, when suddenly the double doors were pulled open with gusto, it seemed to pull all the air out of the room!

A tall slim guy with long black hair pulled back into a ponytail walked into the hall, like somebody was pulling invisible cords on his hips, he clapped his hands and said,

“Hokay………Hola everyone – my name is Joachim (Joachim – he pronounced it ‘Whack-him’) Cortez, and I will-a be teaching you salsa! But first I just want-a to play some music to get the hot Latino rhythms coursing through your veins!”

He had a reason for this, to see who had rhythm, and who had not.

A loud, punchy beat filled the air, staccato trumpets blew and Buffy couldn’t help but sway her hips and drum her fingers to the beat.

After he had studied each girl for a few seconds, and seemed pleased that at least a few seemed to have some sense of rhythm, he turned off the music.

“Hokay lay-dees. First – we learn to count! You might not think is importanté, but it is so!

Line up - come on, hurry up! (he clapped his hands bossily) straight line…that’s it – first I want you to take left leg and walk one pace front, one-a, then bring other foot to join – that’s a two-a, like this – a one-a - a two-a! – Hokay – now you try…one-a - a two-a- very good! Now starting with same leg, do again – a one-a –a two-a, now do same backwards…………”

******


Meanwhile, in Willow’s class……………

“………Thus in ALGOL, instead of saying “X (1) ; = 1 ; X (2) : = 2 ; ………X (1000) : = 1000 ; , which is very tedious, one can say
“For 1 : = 1 STEP 1 until 1000 DO X (1), X (2) etc – these are subscripted variables, X is called an array and its size, in this case is 1000, has to be specified somewhere in the programme. Right any questions – no, you’re all following this so far – good, right………okay then, with FORTRAN…

“This is SO easy – I was worried I would be able to follow!” Willow whispered to Cecil, who just smiled at her………

**************

“………Ready – and a one-a and a two, and a one-a, and a two, and a one-a and a two and a three and a four-a, again, come on lay-dees, keep up wid Joachim ………and a three and a four – and a …”

Buffy concentrated hard, a few of the girls got hopelessly lost and collapsed in fits of giggles

Looking in the mirror facing them, Joachim saw only three girls keeping up with him, Buffy being one of them. The other two girls were tall, slim, obviously dancers.

“Keep up lay-dees, we try wid de music next…”

After 45 minutes, they stopped for a well-earned break, and Buffy helped herself to a small carton of orange juice. She watched as Joachim went up to the two girls who were obviously dancers and he spoke to them. Buffy heard both girls say they used to do ballet but grew too tall, so now they worked as dancers in the theatre, but fancied salsa training.

“And you, what is your name?” Buffy looked up slightly surprised.

“Me – oh, um Buffy, it’s Buffy”

“Baffy, you have good sense of rhythm – is shame you are not a little taller, but (he shrugged) I do my best to teach you – you like so far, yes?”

“Uh, oh- yes, um, yes very much thankyou”

“Good! Is good – ah, here is my sister – Maria – Maria – over here!”

A tall girl, very beautiful, with the same shaped face and eyes as her brother swept over to them, she had her black hair drawn into a tight chignon at the base of her neck, her makeup immaculate.

Joachim checked his watched and clapped to get everyone’s attention.

“Hokay everyone-a, this is my sister, Maria – at end of lesson we give you demonstration of our medal winning dancing – but come along – now, back in straight line – this time I want you to put a bit of ‘oomph’ in the steps, sway your hips, get a little sexy, huh?”

Everybody smiled, and the music was put back on, with Joachim shouting encouragement and counting out loud to keep the girls in time to the beat.

It was soon 9.30pm, and Willow, because she could hear the salsa music still, went over to the hall and looked in through the windows. She could see this dark haired couple doing the most fantastic dance steps, whirling round and sexy swaying, she fond herself swaying gently to the beat.

The music stopped, and everybody in the hall clapped in awe at Joachim and his sister Maria. They bowed and curtseyed, smiling.

“Thankyou lay-dees, I want-a you to practice your steps and remember, count – counting is most importanté – until next week – Adios!”

Everybody turned to change shoes and get their bags, Willow opened the hall door and wandered in. Buffy was sitting on the floor, one knee bent putting on her shoe.

“So, how did it go – can you dance like them yet?”

“I wish! They’ve won medals at all these different competitions!”

“I’m not surprised…is that his girlfriend?”

“No, his sister – so, how did things go for you – but don’t get technical or anything on me – you know you might as well be talking to me in Swahili – or what was that language again, the second course I picked?

“Serbo-Croat”

“That’s it…right – I’m ready!”

*************


Back Home


“Hmm, what’s that smell – I smell toasty cheese!” Buffy said, dumping her bag in the hall and walking into the lounge. Her stomach rumbled as she didn’t eat before she went out.

“I put a pizza in the oven for you, I thought you’d be hungry. Well, go on then, show me what you’ve learned then!” Buffy smiled, and thought how thoughtful that was of him – it was little things like that that made her all gooey and soft.

“Give me a chance! I’ll show you after the pizza, I’m starving!”


“Just walking two paces, and counting at the moment, and swaying the hips”

“Is that all – blimey love, they saw you coming! I could teach you how to walk for $100 a term – and I KNOW you can wiggle your hips!” Spike said with a smirk.

“I don’t wiggle!”

“Oh but you do pet…like two racoons fighting in a sack!”

Buffy giggled, and hit Spike with a sofa cushion, and they began to play-fight.

“Cheek!”

“Ha, gottcha now, haven’t I, huh? – Do you give in?”

“No - Never!”

Spike tickled her waist and grabbed her foot and threatened again

“No, Spike NO! NOT THE FEET – Spike get off, ooohh, just you wait, mister!”

“You know Blondie, you’re ALL talk! I’m still waiting for you to get me back from when I bit your – oh, OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“There, I KNEW that would shut you up!” Buffy sat up grinning, holding his monster-sized dick.

“Well, don’t stop!” Spike looked down at his open fly and Buffy’s slowly stroking hand, she purposefully made a show of licking her lips, and began to tease………

Spike kicked off his jeans and groaned with frustration as Buffy kissed up first one thigh, then the second, but when she reached the top, she ignored the angry looking bulbous knob and lightly licked up his shaft, making him hiss and buck and whimper.

She cupped his balls, rolling and gently tugging them, and then she flicked them with her tongue, stroking his shaft slowly, driving Spike mad with lust.

He made to grab her a couple of times, but she was swift enough to evade his grasp, and she’d tease and send his eyes rolling so he was helpless.

“Gods girl………oh, and you say I’M the evil one!”

Grinning as she ran her tongue up his shaft again, this time, she engulfed the shiny wet knob in her mouth and sucked, sliding him almost half way in.

“GAAAAAAAHHH! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!”

Smiling she drew her lips back up and clamped them under the ridge, still sucking, still sliding her hand up and down

“Again, please pet, oh babe, yeah, you’ve got a fucking wonderful mouth, ooh!” Spike thrust his hips up and down, begging her.

“Okay, since you’ve been a good Big Bad………”

Buffy began to suck and pump in earnest, and Spike gasped rocked his hips as she worked her sweet mouth up and down, bringing him closer and closer to the edge…to be fair, he thought he’d warn her that he was passed the point of no return, but she knew, she felt him swell and stiffen even more and began to suck lustily as he cried out his climax.

She sucked his cool essence down greedily, not stopping until his lean taut body went limp.

She delicately wiped her mouth and smiled up at him.

“That was for the pizza, it was thoughtful!”

Spike sat up and kissed her with passion, then he whispered,

“And if I offer to run you a bath now, what would that get me, huh?”

“Well…do it, and we’ll see!” Buffy said with a smile, and Spike was up off the sofa and up the stairs I a trice!

Chapter 3

The following Tuesday


“Sorry Clem, I thought I told you, Passions, it hasn’t been on all week, bloody Pop Idol or something on in its place, bloody big pile o’ crap it is too, you should hear some of them, it’s like the cat got it’s tail caught in the door”

Clem stood in the entrance to the crypt, holding a bucket of extra spicy buffalo wings, and a four-pack of beer in the other.

“Um…there’s a triple showing of Stargate, we could watch that” he ventured

“If you want mate – actually, you can watch whatever, I might just go out”

“Sure you don’t mind?”

“Course not, I told you, anytime – here, you can have the comfy chair”

“Great, thanks…want a hot-wing?”

“I’ll pass thanks all the same, mate – you can stay as long as you like, but if I’m not back before you go, just blow the candle, would you?”

“Okay…have fun”

“I hope so!” Spike said with a grin, and slipping on his beloved duster, he left.

*********


“Lay-dees! Attention please! (He clapped loudly and the hall went silent of the chatter) Hokay…I hope you have been-a practicing – stand in line…”

Everybody lined up as requested.

“Today I want to see how supple you are – is most importanté, you need to be smooth and lithe…hokay, please be standings like this”

Joachim stood with his hands on his hips, elbows sticking out.

Everybody followed suit, and waited for the next instruction.

“Ready, I want you to circle your body, from the waist, only moving the top half, like dis – go”

Some were a lot better than others.

Joachim walked up and down the line of girls, in front and behind them, making comments.

“………Hmm, okay………Very good………no, circle, like this, don’t just be sticking out your butt…there see? That’s it………very good……………yes, good…………no, please be trying to keep butt still, just move top – like so…hokay………”

He got to the two dancer girls and called for everybody to watch their example, and then he came to Buffy on the end.

“Very good Baffy – you are very supple…Hokay everyone, now we do to music”

The class went on, and at roughly five to nine, still with over half an hour’s lesson left, Spike pulled up onto the parking lot.

As soon as he got out of his car, he could here the beat of the salsa music.

The college was a-blaze with lights, there was something going on in every classroom. Spike walked passed windows and he could see some older ladies standing around a three tiered wedding cake, the one lady was attaching pink roses to the edge of it. In the next room he passed he saw the teacher writing something up on a board – not English – he saw it was French, and was immediately taken back to a bygone era when he had to learn all his French verbs for his governess.

Pulling open the double doors Spike wandered inside the entrance, and he went over to the main hall, where the sound of the music was coming from.

Joachim was pacing the girls, counting – then the music blared again and they did what they learned to the music.

“Now I demonstrate how your partner should be holding you…um, you, Baffy, come here”

“Me? – Oh um…right” Buffy walked up to him.

Outside Spike frowned and wondered what was happening, when Joachim grabbed Buffy, pulling her towards him and holding his hand firmly in the middle of the small of her back, pressing her tightly to his groin.

“Oh – OH! Um – er I see!” Buffy was a bit taken a-back at first, she wasn’t expecting anything quite so intimate!

“Concentrate…remember the steps – and go – and a one-a and a two-a and a three-a and a four-a and…” Joachim provocatively rubbed his hips against hers.

Buffy was doing her best to concentrate, when from the doorway, she heard (as only a slayer could) a very low combat growl. She snapped her head towards the doors to see Spike standing there with his fists clenched, he’d stood it for a few minutes but it all got too much for him. Suddenly she was let go and startled when Joachim clapped his hands loudly right in front of her face, bring her attention back to him.

“No, NO – Baffy – you not concentrate, right, do again!” He grabbed her and Buffy stumbled slightly, wondering what the heck Spike was doing there, before she got the rhythm. She whirled her head around to look at her vampire, but all she saw was the swing doors flip-flapping shut.

Joachim let her go when the music stopped, and put on other music, did the example with the dancers and one or two others too. Buffy discreetly ran outside.

“Spike, SPIKE! What are you doing here?”

Spike stopped striding away, and turned angrily

“I came to give you a lift – to see how you were getting on – and I saw you getting OFF! – Or rather, your precious ‘Whack-him’ was, rubbing himself all over you – you should be ashamed of yourself!”

“ME – I - What? How dare you – he was just – I mean I know how it must have looked – but then you – and you have no right to – and YOU SPIED ON ME!”

“I wasn’t spying – but I saw for myself how the greasy little Diego gets his kicks!”

“Now just you listen here – I don’t need this – and I don’t know WHERE you think you’ve got the right to tell me - Spike……… SPIKE, DON’T YOU DARE WALK AWAY FROM ME - I’M TALKING TO YOU!”

“No you’re not, you’re yelling – and you’re all red and guilty looking – give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go in there and whack ‘Whack-him’!”

“Why – because it’s his job – it’s what he does – give me strength…look-“

“No, YOU look, there was no need to hold you like that – that’s MY prerogative!”

“You think? – Well not anymore it isn’t!” Buffy spat, folding her arms.

It took a few seconds for the words to sink in, and Spike narrowed his eyes and said,

“Fine” and left with a swirl of his duster.

Buffy glanced at the window, and could see a few of the girls had witnessed the scene, and she decided to just go back in and get on with the lesson.


When the class finished, Buffy quickly went out to see if she could see Spike.

“Hey, going without me?” Willow asked as she pushed open the door to outside.

“What – oh, no sorry – it’s just…” Buffy scanned the parking lot, worriedly biting her bottom lip.

“Just what?” Willow asked, her smile fading a little when she saw Buffy looking worried.

“Spike turned up…he saw the teacher holding me a little too tightly…he was dancing very suggestively – and Spike and I had a row. Oh gods Willow, can you see him – I don’t want Spike to pick a fight, I’m actually enjoying this class!”

Willow looked around and shook her head

“I can’t see him…so what happened exactly?” Buffy told her.

“Growled?” Willow looked mildly surprised, and Buffy nodded her head.

“Very low, but it, well, it was a combat growl, I should know, I hear enough of them………I can’t see or sense him…come on, I’ll just get my bag, let’s go home”

Buffy was feeling – well, mixed up to be truthful.

She didn’t know if she should be angry with him for spying on her, or flattered that he was jealous………


**********

“Are you sure you’ll be alright, Buffy? – Only I have this homework to do, we’ve got to write a short diagnostic program for debugging in Fortran, and I’m itching to start!”

“Hmm? Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be fine………you go”

Willow left Buffy on her doorstep and went home.

Buffy quickly went in and she went upstairs and changed into something more suitable for slaying.

************

Breathing a sigh of relief when she heard the TV on, she went inside the crypt.

“Spike…there you are – I’ve been – oh – Clem, it’s you!”

“Huh – wha-what – oh um, er, hi – hi Buffy – uh aaaarrrgggggggg – s’cuse me, (Clem yawned and stretched) I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?

“Quarter to eleven – you haven’t seen Spike have you?”

“Um, no – not since he left here earlier – no Passions tonight, so I watched the sci-fi channel, Spike didn’t fancy it and went out.”

Buffy nodded and Clem stood up in a shower of snack crumbs, and dusted himself of.

“I’d better be going…can I leave you to blow the candle?”

“Sure – and Clem, if you see him – tell him I’m looking for him, it’s important”

“Okay – bye then”

“See you Clem” He left. Buffy frowned at the chair, brushed off as many bits as she could, and sat. She stared at the milky screen showing some ancient black and white movie, she fell asleep.

**************

“Oi…OI, WILLY…I said, fill ‘er up!” Spike drunkenly pushed his glass towards the weasely little barman.

“D-d-don’t you th-think you’ve had enough, Spike?”

Spike tried to sit up straight, and stared owlishly at the barman, who weaved in and out of focus; sometimes he saw two of him…

“I’ll ‘cide when I’ve had ‘nuff…(hic) now, fillerup!”

Willy frowned and took the bottle of gut-rot spirit from under the counter and filled the glass.

“G’is that ‘ere!” Spike snatched the bottle off Willy, and downed the third-full bottle in several swallows. He spluttered and coughed, then slammed the bottle down, picked up his glass and downed that too, hiccupped, burped and swayed in his seat, trying to sit upright

“More…g’is ‘nother bottle (hic) …purrit on me tab – there – (hic) there’s a good Willy! Wee Willy Winky – come on chop-chop m-(hic) man – lets be ‘aving you!”

“Really Spike, I think you’ve had enough” Willy looked warily at the totally shit-faced vampire and thought, *where’s the bloody slayer when she’s needed!*

Spike could feel himself slipping sideways, over-compensated by leaning the other way, and promptly fell off the barstool.

“Ow – huh…hmm…(hic) go sleep now…………” Spike began to snore

“Vampires snore? – Spike, Spike, you can’t stay here…Spike – Oh, hell!” Willy frowned at the snoring leather-clad heap lying by his bar.

All of a sudden, a familiar face peered around the door.

“Not too late for a drink am I?”

“Clem – just the ma- um demon I want…give me a hand with him please!” Willy tapped Spike’s shoulder with his foot.

“Who is – oh SPIKE!”

“Yeah Spike, and he’s bad news for me, help me get him outside”

“Um…okay, but well, shouldn’t we try and sober him up first?” Clem suggested

“Believe me, you don’t want to here is tale of woe…hold the door open and then………we………can………gods he is a dead weight………uhhhhhhhhhh ooh…bloody hell…getting……...too………old………for this! There!” Dusting off his hands, Willy went back into his bar, having propped Spike up next to a pile of empty cardboard boxes outside by the garbage.

“So, what can I get ya?” Willy turned to smile where he thought Clem would be standing in front of the bar, but there was no-one there, his face fell, and he even looked over the bar to the floor, but no Clem………

Trotting back the way he’d just come, Clem flung open the door to the crypt.

“Buffy…Buffy…are you still – oh sorry to wake you – um, can you come?”

Buffy sat up with a start

“What is it – is it Spike – oh gods, PLEASE tell me he hasn’t been fighting?”

“He hasn’t been fighting”

Buffy came towards Clem

“Is that true?”

“Uh huh, he’s in um…well, no fit state TO fight, actually”

“You mean he’s drunk?”

“Uh huh”

“Well the pig can rot!”

“Please Buffy, only if we leave him there, when the sun comes up, well you know, ‘poof’ one big old pile o’ dust!”

“It would serve him right!” Clem looked at her with his quite soul-ful eyes, and Buffy relented with a sigh,

“Oh all right, where is he? He doesn’t deserve friends like you, you know”

“Behind Willy’s bar. He’s not so bad – but um, don’t tell him I said that, will you, he’s quite proud of his ‘Big Bad’ reputation”

Buffy rolled her eyes, smiled and shook her head

They walked briskly to the back of the bar, to see that Spike was no longer propped up against the boxes, he had slumped over.

“You two had a row or something?”

Buffy eyed Clem, not knowing how much he knew, so she just said diplomatically,

“Yeah, something like that…oh well, here goes, can you help me to………there, hold him against the wall while I…okay – that’s it!” Buffy hoisted Spike over her one shoulder, fire-fighter style

“Will you be okay now Buffy?”

“Yeah…don’t worry, night Clem”

“Night…and um, don’t be too hard on him!”

“Oh, I’m just dumping the pig in his crypt, night”

And that’s what she’d got every intention of doing, BUT, things don’t always go the way you plan, do they?………………

Chapter 4

She’d had every intention of just dumping Spike in his crypt, and hoofing it home. Trouble was, he’d stuck to her like Velcro, curling himself around her, and she found it almost impossible to put him down. She’d free herself of his one arm, only to find the other winding it’s way back around her body.

“Spike…SPIKE – WAKE UP…OI, come on Spike, wakey-wakey, rise and – oh…come on”

“Hmm…mine……...bloody Diego’s not to touch…can’t have you” Spike mumbled.

Buffy bit her bottom lip, trying not to smile.

“Oh…come on then, back to mine, but I’m warning you, you’re in the basement matey-boy, don’t think for one second that I’ve forgiven you”

Spike just snuggled further into her body, totally oblivious. Buffy stopped walking, hoisted him up a little and continued to walk to Revello Drive.

After letting herself in, Buffy pondered whether to just throw him down into the basement, but she decided that was cruel, and just dumped him on the sofa instead.

She went and got changed, and then came back downstairs.

Standing behind the sofa, Buffy put her arms under his and around his chest, hauling him over the back of the sofa, his feet dragging along the floor, and she continued to pull him along, his feet clunked down each one of the basement steps, she heaved him (still fully dressed) onto the cot and she went back up.

Yawning and stretching, she got a whiff of Joachim’s aftershave – and decided it was sickly sweet, more like perfume than a man’s fragrance, and she suddenly felt the need for a long hot soak.


After two hot top-ups, Buffy could see that she’d pruned enough, and pulled the plug and stood up, draping a huge bath towel around her. As she padded barefoot across to her bedroom, she freed her hair from its restrictive ponytail and walked into her room – only to see Spike fast asleep in her bed. She narrowed her eyes at him at first, and then with a sigh, she rolled them.

“How the hell did you…you are SO for it in the morning………” She threw off the towel, pulled on a clean but very old and very baggy tee, and got into bed, switching off the light.

Spike immediately made like the Velcro again, snuggling up to her back, sticking to her like a limpet.

“What is it with you, huh?” Buffy shook her head a smile tugging at her lips and she settled down and closed her eyes.

“Mine………my slayer…love you” Spike mumbled

Buffy’s eyes opened wide and she tried to turn and face him, but Spike had her in a vice like grip.

“Spike – let me – what did you say? – SPIKE – WAKE UP!” Buffy struggled to sit up, which she managed eventually.

“………Beau’iful when you’re angry………gonna whack – ‘Whack-him!”

“Oh no you won’t – WAKE UP!”

“Hmm…love you”

“So you said! – Look, don’t think that this get’s you off the hook” Buffy felt………how did she feel? Horrified? – No. Pleased? – Hmm, not sure about that exactly…shocked? Yes, that would do for now…

“S’get married”

“WHAT?” This time Buffy almost fell out of bed with shock

Spike answered with a snore

“Oh and you can quit that for a start! – Since when do vampires snore anyway?”

Tiring of the one-way conversation, Buffy lay down again, and Spike snuggled in.

She turned her head and looked at the sleeping vampire. He looked younger, boyish almost; she loved it when his hair was all tousled with unruly curls…she smiled, oh yes, was she going to have some fun in the morning …………

************

Spike woke with a start. An aching head was what he first became aware of, followed by the fact he was warm, and covered with layers of Buffy smelling covers. Not just covers, the pillow too, he turned round slowly to be met with Buffy, head propped on her hand, just looking at him.

“Er…how did I get here?”

“That it? No good morning or anything?”

“Um…don’t shout pet, I’ve got…well, I’m lying right next to you. So, morning, pet…………………how did I get here?”

“I carried you. Although I carried you as far as the basement, I had a bath, and when I came in here, I found I’d got a lodger – you must have made it up the stairs on your own.”

Spike remembered nothing yet, so Buffy continued


“We poured you out of the alley behind Willy’s bar. Now you’ve got to convince me that I did the right thing, and not left you to go poof at first light”

“We?”

“Clem and me. I went to your crypt looking for you after our – well never mind, it’ll come back to you – I woke a sleeping Clem, he left, and I fell asleep, then Clem comes back…told me what a disgusting state you were in, and-“

“The cheeky git! – Did he use those exact words?”

“SPIKE!”

“Ow, um, shush, baby, please – have a little sympathy here - please - huh? – Somebody’s let off a nuclear bomb off in my head, then they’re trying to suck out the resultant goo with a vacuum cleaner…least, that’s what it feels like!”

“And why should have any sympathy at all? – It IS self inflicted – so come on, WHY did you get so disgustingly drunk last night?”

Good question. Why? Spike tried mentally to scoop up enough grey matter to get a coherent thought together.

“Um…let me think…Willy’s bar…mucho gut-rot spirit, fight with old what’s-his-face, some more gut-rot he calls whiskey………um…argument and threats with Razor and his girlfriend…ugly bastard he is…calling me a blood-rat, more gut-rot - who the fuck does he think he is…

“Spike………SPIKE”

“Ow, WHAT- Oh, OOOOOOWWWW! DON’T - ow, ow, ow! I mean don’t make me shout…what?”

“Why did you get so drunk at Willy’s last night?”

“I’m trying to think! Ow, my bloody head hurts…got any Advil?”

“Come on, I want ANSWERS!”

“Bloody hell – and you say I’M evil! I’m trying to think!”

“You’ve got that right, you ARE trying, very trying, I’ll give you that!”

“Oh ha-bloody-ha! You are such a comedian – ha – got it!”

Spike clicked his fingers triumphantly, then pointed to Buffy saying accusingly,

“ – Diego! That’s it! That low-down, no good, sneaky, snake hipped, poofy smelling, greasy little twat of a so called dance teacher of yours – so missy, never mind you getting up on your high horse with me, this is about YOU! (Ouch!)

“Don’t change the subject!”

“I’m NOT, just stating the facts! Okay then – fine by me, we’ll talk about it!” Spike mentally bitch-slapped himself upside the head. He didn’t want to talk about anything, he just wanted to go back to bed…

“But we discuss this like two rational peop- well, one person and a despicable demon vampire over breakfast, come on!”

Frowning that he didn’t have chance to ‘sweet-talk’ her into some early morning…okay, make that lunchtime delight, Spike wearily threw off the covers, and stood up. He nearly fell over again, he felt dizzy still.

Buffy had bounded downstairs, with everything ready.

When Spike appeared at the bottom of the stairs in just his jeans, only the bottom two buttons done up so they slung dangerously low on his hips, Buffy felt the usual sexual stirrings when she saw his cool tight body…

The radio was playing loud thumping techno-pop, at almost ear-bleed volume, she grinned at him, started up the juicing machine and the coffee grinder, and
Spike immediately went to go scurrying back upstairs - the cacophony being too much for his aching head, But Buffy headed him off and shepherded him into the kitchen and sit him at the breakfast counter.

“SPIKE…GOT SOME COLD PIZZA IF YOU WANT!”

The mere thought of food had Spike frowning, although, he wouldn’t have turned down a pint or two of O neg………

“I’ll pass”

“What?”

“I said, I’ll pass”

“SORRY – I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

“I SAID – Ow, OW! For fuck’s sake! (Spike held his head, the heels of his palms rubbing his eyes) He suddenly jumped up, and pulled out all the plugs out of the sockets.

“There! Peace…fuck, my head’s bastard killing me!”

“I was listening to that!” Buffy said, trying to look indignant – she hated that sort of noise and was really secretly glad he’d turned it off, not that she’d tell him that though………

“Look what’s…um, coffee beans? But we always drink instant”

“We do everyday, but when somebody special comes, we have real beans, out comes the coffee maker, and don’t get thinking you’re special – I’ve run out of instant-“

“Bullshit! It was just a ploy to make as much noise as possible. Okay, so you’ve got your own back now, and-“

“Oh, you think – well I’ve got news for you, Mister - no I haven’t – not nearly enough, THIS is going to take a while, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it!”

“Sadist!”

“Bleached moron!”

“Silly bint”

Buffy made a mental note-to-self to look up that word, it was one of his ‘British-isms’ that she didn’t understand.

“Cretin”

“It’s pronounced Cret – e as in egg, Cret-in, not creet-in, like the Greek island, pillock!”

That was another one to look up………

“Fang-features!”

“JEZEBEL! – Don’t think I’ve forgotten what this is all about here – it’s not about me having one or two drinks more than I perhaps should have, it’s about YOU (ow)…you and that greasy little Diego twat that can’t keep his hands or front bits off you – well, he’s going to from now on, coz I’m going to rip off his bollocks and make him eat them!”

“Have you quiet finished?” Buffy folded her arms, leaning on one hip, looking daggers at him.

“Finished – finished? I haven’t bloody well started yet! – Ow, OW- do you have any Advil – I’m dying here!”

“No shit, Sherlock – got news for you – YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD!”

Spike winced as her loud harsh words ripped through him, and he closed his eyes, until he heard something drop on the counter in front of him. He cracked open an eye and saw a box of Advil and immediately set about popping two from the blister pack.

Buffy had made no move to get him water, so he just chugged two mouthfuls of juice straight from the juicer jug.

“Spike, use a glass, don’t be so disgusting…anyway tell me when you’ve sobered up, then we can start talking arrangements”

“Arrangements? Arrangements for what?” All Spike wanted to do, was to go back to bed, preferably with the feisty little blonde, who was standing there in front of him obviously enjoying his discomfort.

“The wedding – don’t you remember you asked me to marry you last night!”

“Oh – I DID WHAT – Ow, ow?” It was all Spike could do to remain seated!

Now Spike had a history of doing stupid things. Dive in, gung-ho, not thinking first, bugger the consequences type. He also had an even bigger history of doing stupid things when he was drunk. Spectacular things, which we won’t go into here, but take our word for it. It appeared that last night, it was one of his more………more what?

“Well, it couldn’t have been very romantic” he said quietly

This tack of his surprised Buffy, and it threw her slightly. She thought he’d come out all guns blazing, hotly denying it and telling her she must be crazy…

“Ro-Romantic – phfft! YOU don’t know the meaning of the word!” Buffy blew him off with a dismissive hand

“I DO! Ow, damn it – will you stop making me shout!”

“Okay then fang-breath, what’s your idea of romantic”

Spike had his head pillowed on his folded arm and he tried to think.

She wanted romantic did she – well okay then – he wouldn’t tell her, he’d SHOW her!

“Well, I’m waiting!”

“And you’re going to wait a bit longer – coz I’m going to show you”

This caught Buffy off-guard completely!

“Show-show me?”

“Uh huh”

“Yeah, right!” She smiled nervously, wondering what on earth he was going to do.

“That’s right, show you, now c’m’ere you”

“Oh – Spike let me go, I’ve got things to do!”

“Never!”

“Spike – if this is your idea of romantic, then!”

Buffy struggled in his vice like grip, and it was only when she felt his cool fingers slide down her back to her butt she stopped wriggling.

“Not today, not here and now, but I’ll show you!”

“When?”

“Blimey, give a bloke a chance, will ya…Saturday – yeah, Saturday. Right, and now, it’s back to bed time, coz it’s the middle of the night!”

“Spike, its 12.35pm, lunchtime”

“Middle of the night for me pet, now come on, or have I got to carry you?”

From having to look at his sexy bod for the last ten minutes, the well defined pecs and abs, and the thing she found sexiest of all, the line of fine dark downy hairs that lead from his navel to his groin…she didn’t put up much resistance.

Chapter 5


“Spike, you’re going to wear a hole in that rug keep walking up and down like that” Clem said, sitting in the comfy chair, watching Spike pace up and down his crypt.

“Hmm, what?”

“Something on your mind?”

Spike stopped pacing and held onto the back of the chair, his arms stiff.

“You could say that yeah” He reached for his smokes, took out the last one and lit up.

“Well, you know what they say, a problem shared, and all that. I take it this involves Buffy I some way” Clem said

“Well yeah, we had a row”

“There’s a surprise!”

“Clem!”

“What – look, I’d be more surprised if you said, ‘everything is great between us, we DIDN’T have a row”

“’Kay, point taken, but I made a rash promise”

Clem looked steadily at his friend, and Spike continued

“I said I’d do something romantic for her – because she mocked me – she said I didn’t know the meaning of the word – and now I don’t know what to do. I haven’t a bloody clue, and whatever it is, it’s got to be ready by Saturday!”

“Saturday, huh? Okay then, flowers?” Clem suggested

“Na. She’d only think I’d nicked them off a grave………”

“Candy then”

“Nuh uh. Too obvious besides which, I’d probably get the wrong ones, I get hard centres, she likes soft, or vice-versa or she’d get spots from eating too much chocolate – anyway, it would just go wrong, I know it”

“Perfume?”

“It’s not romantic though, is it? ‘Here, you smell, wear this!’ I like the way she smells anyway, if she didn’t smell of jasmine body lotion and Pantene, she wouldn’t be my Buffy”

“Okay…well try looking at this from a different angle. You were with Dru for a century, what did you do for her that was romantic?”

Spike stopped and thought, then frowned and said,

“Really, you DON’T want to know the details, but I usually bought her somebody young and sweet for her to eat – or we’d indulge in a spot of mindless trashing of others property and possessions…fun stuff like that”

“I see, hardly Buffy’s bag then”

“Exactly”

“Well, what did you do before you were turned – there must have been somebody you were sweet on?”

Spike looked at Clem, and the mere thought of Cecily, poetry, and the total embarrassment of reading out allowed had Spike’s gut tighten with dread.

“Clem, this isn’t Victorian England – no, it needs to totally knock her off her feet, and I don’t mean in the literal sense – I just want her to be surprised, but in a nice way. And another thing, it has to be cheap, I’m broke”

“You HAVE got a problem then…well, you and me both”

“Really – what’s up then mate?” Spike pulled up the stool and sat, stubbing out his last cigarette.

“You know that new, well she’s been here a few months now, that little waitress at the demon bar in town, her name is Agnes”

“That Cyclops with the personal hygiene prob-um “

Spike could see the hurt look come over Clem’s face, and tried to rectify his ‘opening-his–gob-without-thinking lack of tactfulness and he added,

“She’s nice, yeah, as long as you’re down wind of her – she has nice eyes –eye I mean, she um, has a, a n-nice eye”

Spike screwed his own eyes up and he bit his bottom lip, he turned away, realising that he had been as subtle and diplomatic as a jackhammer there…

“I wish I had the courage to ask her out” Clem said with a sigh

“You asked females out before, haven’t you?”

“Unsuccessfully…I mean, who’d look at me twice, huh? With all this (he wobbled the spare rolls of flesh on his arms) she’d laugh in my face – and anyway, I couldn’t take her back to my cave, it’s leaking now, and there’s moss and fungus growing all up the walls…”

“Well, tell you what, you help me think of something, and I’ll ask Agnes out for you, and you can bring her back here – on an arranged night of course”

Clem’s eyes lit up

“Yeah – ow wow!”

“Sure, now all we have to do is to get Buffy to think I’m the best, most romantic thing ever since chocolate dipped strawberries”

“Why don’t you join that class and learn to salsa dance too – you’d be killing two birds with one stone then, one, you could keep a beady on the teacher, and two, Buffy would have you to dance with when the lessons have finished”

“I’d actually thought of that, but there’s a fly in the ointment there”

“Oh – she’d think you were spying on her still?”

“That, and the fact that they dance in front of mirrors”

“Oh. Oh I see, or rather, we wouldn’t. See you I mean. Hmm…oh, look at the time, can I put on Stargate?”

Spike sighed, stood up and said,

“Sure…I’m nipping out for some more fags, want anything?”

“You could get me some Cheezo’s”

“No, think Agnes, think about getting toned and fit” Clem smiled and sat up straight.

“You’re right! No Cheezo’s!”

Spike smiled and grabbed his duster and left the crypt.

Clem put on the TV, and saw the end of the chart show. A soft ballad was playing, with a guy strumming his guitar, and the video of the song had a split picture, the other half was the girl he was obviously singing about, going about her life, looking wistfully at the singers photograph…

Ten minutes later Spike came in carrying a brown carrier sack.

“Spike, I’ve been thinking”

“Oh, what about?” Spike put his purchases in the fridge, and closed the door. He began to fold up the carrier.

“Do you still have your guitar?”

“My guitar? – You mean my Gibson…um, it should be under the bed, why?”

“Well, I just thought that ………………………………”

“Clem, you are a GENIUS!”

“I am?”

“Yeah, now come on, never mind about this old tosh on the TV, go get your glad-rags on, and I’ll meet you by the cemetery gates in what, say twenty – we’re going to that demon bar, and I’m going to ask Agnes out for you!”

Clem beamed a smile and was up and out the chair in seconds.

*************


Following Evening

“Y-you are…you are the…sunshine…(Spike changed chords on the guitar) after the rain………Are my comfort……… when I’m in pain (he changed again, and wrote it down).

“Spike, SPIKE, HHHHHEEEELLLLL-OOOOOOOOOO!”


With a twang and cuss or three from Spike, he quickly hid his guitar under the sofa, and his scribbling’s under the cushion and looked around to see if there was anything that would give the game away.

“Spike – SPIKE – Oh THERE you are, didn’t you hear me calling you?”

“What – oh sorry, must have dropped off – ughh – uuuuuuurrrrraahhhh!” Spike feigned a yawn and a stretch.

“What have you been doing?” Buffy smiled and Spike, out of sheer indignance said,

“NOTHING!”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t accusing you of anything…I just wondered about all the screwed up paper, that’s all!”

Spike turned to see the wastepaper basket overflowing with screwed up pieces of paper, there was a sea of them on the floor too, where he just ripped off sheets from his notepad, screwed them up and threw them without looking towards the bin when he’d got something wrong or he’d changed his mind.

He quickly strode over and scooped them all up, forcing them down into the basket.

“Trying to write a – a letter, yeah, a letter for um, Clem. So, what can I do for you?”

“It’s twenty past midnight, you said you meet me at eleven thirty to patrol”

“Is it that time already – oh god yes, sorry – I lost track of time. Well, I’ll just get my coat”

“I saw the funniest thing earlier”

“Did you?”

“Yeah, I was crossing the railway track, by the bridge and I could hear somebody counting breathlessly, one, two, three, four – and I peeked over to take a look, and there was Clem, dressed in Bermuda shorts and a vest, with a towel around his neck, doing exercises! Knees bend, arm stretches, running on the spot!”

Spike slipped on his beloved duster and held open the crypt door for her.

“Well, immortality isn’t an excuse for letting yourself go, you know pet!”

“I know, it just looked funny – I mean Clem, exercising, how funny is that?!”

**’Bout as funny as me thinking I could write a song** Spike mused to himself, as they went towards the gates.

“Don’t tell him I told you, but he’s got a date”

“A date? As in he and a female, hooked up?”

“Yes” Buffy giggled and covered her mouth.

“Is she blind?”

“No, she’s – don’t be mean! She’s a Cyclops, she only has-“

“One eye, I know, oh well beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose.” Buffy looked at Spike, her curiosity was bursting

“So…all set for this romantic um, ‘thing’ on Saturday then?”

“Getting there”

“Really…so what shall I wear?”

“Haven’t really thought about it yet pet”

“But you must know where we are going!”

“Not really, I’ve several ideas, and you’re not getting it out of me! You’ll just have to wait until Saturday”

Buffy grinned and said,

“Wanna bet – I’ll get it out of you!” And before you could say ‘odds-on-favourite’, she had thrown him against a crypt, and had his flies open and she’d thrust her hand in and was now fondling his rapidly hardening manhood!

“YOU don’t play – f-Fair – ooooohhhhh!”

Dragging all his willpower together, Spike swiftly ran his hand up her skirt and pulled down her panties, carefully as he could, he disengaged himself from her grasp, and twirled them around, pressing her against the cold stone.

“Tables turned now pet, and I say, you WON’T get it out of me!” And with that, he thrust home, letting out a growl as he sank into her fiery hot depths.

Her knees nearly gave-way until supporting herself around his neck she hooked one leg over his hip, and Spike supported her bottom while she wrapped the other leg around him. He then carried her to a marble topped grave, and proceeded to thrust and grind at her at a furious pace, she could hardly get her breath.

Her nails dug into the soft leather of his coat as she felt herself hurtling towards orgasm, which she hit with a sharp cry, Spike didn’t let up, he pounded into her until he felt the second one upon her, then he allowed himself to fly with her and he came with strong hard thrusts, grunting an making Buffy jerk hard and go cross-eyed with the wondrous sensations.

She fell back limply, and Spike eased off her carefully, and tidied himself as Buffy neatened herself.

“Please babe, just wait until Saturday will you?”

With a twinkle in her eye Buffy said,

“Okay, but it was worth a shot, wasn’t it!”

And with a grin, Spike HAD to agree, it had DEFINITELY been worth a shot!

Chapter 6


Saturday morning dawned bright and clear, and Spike hadn’t slept a wink.
He’d spent all night working on the song.

He’d lost count of how many cigarettes he’d smoked, how many times he’d reached for (but so far resisted) the bottle of whiskey – he needed to keep a clear head – and if he started drinking now, he knew he wouldn’t stop.

He’d also thought about calling the whole thing off. Conceding to her, letting her think she was right, that he didn’t have a ounce of romance in his entire body – but that wasn’t true. And he knew, deep down, that Buffy knew that that wasn’t true either, she wanted to see for herself just what he was capable of when he put his mind to it.


*************


“So we thought a DVD and a pizza, interested – Spike could come too”

“Um actually Will, Spike and I are, well, a little busy tonight – I’m not exactly sure what at the moment, but it’s pretty important so rain check on that”

“Oh, is it slayer stuff, need help?”

“Oh no, it’s well, look, don’t worry. I tell you what, you can all go to my house to watch the DVD, my TV is bigger than Xander’s, then if Spike and I make it back in time, we can join you”

“Great!” Willow smiled sunnily at her friend


**************


“Clem – wow, you’re early, it’s only what, twenty past four now, and your date’s not until 10pm tonight!”

Clem followed Spike into his crypt. He was holding a bunch of daisies, or rather he was holding a bunch of stalks rather too tightly out of nerves, and petals and flower heads were dropping all over the floor.

“I know, but I’m nervous – do I look okay? I bought this stuff a while back now, when I had got a date before, but I never got to wear it as she cancelled”

“Really, when was that?”

Spike asked, thinking that Clem hadn’t said anything about a date before…

“1967 it was, the Beach Boy’s had just released ‘Then I kissed her’, it was my favourite song”

Spike surveyed his friend, and tried to keep the frown off his face.

Clem looked, for all the world as if he was going to an ‘Austin Powers’ convention, he was wearing original 60’s ‘groovy gear’. A lime green nylon shirt, opened to the waist showing off a large gold coloured medallion, and purple ‘bell-bottom’ pants.

“I can’t decide whether to wear the shirt like this, showing off my medallion, or to wear this?” he took something out of his pocket and held it up.

“What is it?”

“It’s a cravat – if she see’s me with my shirt open, do you think she’ll think that I want to have sex with her?”

Spike became even more confused

“What? – I mean why would she think that?”

“Because I’m showing her my body…oh gods…do you think I could have a cigarette please?” Clem plonked himself down on the comfy chair.

“A cigarette, sure but, you don’t smoke”

“It might help calm my nerves”

“Oh Clem, you’ve got nothing to be nervous about, relax, be yourself, you’ll be fine!”

Spike offered Clem a Marlboro, which he took. Snapping his Zippo shut, Spike had to smile the way Clem held the cigarette between his finger and thumb, and gingerly took a puff and blew the smoke straight out.

“So, where are you taking her?” Spike asked

“Taking her? – I thought you said we could use this place as you were out tonight” Clem looked panicked.

“Yeah, sure, but, well, aren’t you going somewhere first, THEN coming back here for a nightcap, and you know, you scallywag!” Spike winked at him and grinned, but Clem just blinked at Spike.

“Um, I th-thought we’d watch TV…and um, talk of course, but I don’t know what to talk about. I bought her these flow – oh, um…I’ve ruined them – oh gods tonight’s going to be a disaster!” Clem looked at the mangled daisies in despair.

Spike ran a hand through his hair and muttered a ‘bleeding hell’, how many times had he thought those very words himself this morning over his and Buffy’s date tonight!

“Look, never mind those, there’s been two funerals yesterday, there are plenty of flowers around, Why not take her for a drink first?”

“You think? – But she works in a bar. And all the poker school will take the piss out of me if we go to Willy’s” Spike knew that was true enough

“Okay, well take her to the movies then”

Clem took another puff on the cigarette and nearly choked, this alarmed Spike as suddenly, Clem’s face sort of erupted, if that was the word, antenna
shot out from his forehead, nose and mouth, all unfurling and waggling in the air, just for a second, but it was un-nerving all the same.

“Sorry – that happens when I’m nervous. And excited…and sometimes even when I’m scared!”

“Does it? Wow…” Spike had never seen anything like it

“Where was I…oh yeah, movies?

“Not really, 10pm they’re over” Clem said

“True. Well, how about a walk in the park or something?”

“A walk? Um, okay”

“Did you bring anything for a nightcap – you know, a drink to offer her?”

“Erm…I didn’t think, sorry”

“Well, look don’t worry, there’s a decanter over there with some claret in it, you can have that”

“Really – you are a good friend to me Spike”

“And um, well, in case you get lucky, I’ve put clean linens on the bed”

“Oh god!”

“What?”

“What if I can’t, you know…make anything happen?”

“What do you mean?”

Clem was going all colours with embarrassment, some quite alarming too.

“You know…I believe the term is…get a stiffy?”

“Get a stiff – oh – oh you mean, um, well, what can I say? It’s never happened to me of course, but er, well…um…” Spike was desperately trying to think of what to say.

“Well, er…who do you think of when you, you know…do things yourself?”

“Do things myself – ow, um, can I put this out, it’s burning me!”

Spike handed Clem an ashtray, and tried to think of another subtle term for ‘having a wank’

“Go on, do things?” Clem looked innocently at Spike

“Um okay, you know when you wake up, and have got a, a ‘stiffy’, and it um, well, needs help to go away, who do you think of, while you help it?”

Clem went all colours again and mumbled something

“Sorry, what?”

“Usually Agnes” Clem said

“Well, there you go, if she gets your motor running when she’s not there, she’ll get it running for sure when she’s lying right next to you, no worries!”

“You think?”

“Yeah!” Spike stood, at least this had kept his mind off the impending rendezvous with Buffy…

“So, did you get your song finished – I’d love to hear it!”

“You would? – Oh – well alright then…I could do with a run-through, I’ll just get my guitar”

Spike sat on the stool, Clem sat up straight in the comfy chair, all ears waiting for his friend to start.

After the first verse, Spike saw Clem’s face begin to crumple and it un-nerved him. By the end of the second verse, tears were running down his face, and when he’d finished, he was almost sobbing.

“Bloody hell Clem, is it that bad?”

“N-no, no! It’s…it’s the m-most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard!”

“Really – oh, um, thanks…er let me get you a, here, Kleenex”

Clem took a tissue and blew his nose, and all his proboscis and antenna shot out again for a second or two.

When he was all composed again, Clem said,

“If I was Buffy, I’d love you”

Spike just swallowed and looked at Clem and said,

“Let’s have a little Dutch courage, eh mate? Just the one though”

He poured them both a double measure, and handed one to Clem and announced,

“Here’s to a successful evening”

“Here, here!” Clem said, and they both downed the raw spirit in one, winced and then grinned at each other. Spike put the bottle away so they wouldn’t be tempted, and they sat playing cards for a while.

Soon the time came for Spike to leave, and he and Clem exchanged solemn back slapping hug, and a firm ‘good-luck’ handshake.

At nine o’clock, Spike left for Buffy’s house, with everything he needed in the trunk of his car.

He’d told Buffy to wear whatever she liked, but to think ‘beach’, and to be ready at 9pm.

Buffy slicked on some pearly pink gloss on her lips and fluffed her fringe. There, she was ready. She’d chosen a black tiered peasant style skirt and a pretty little white top, quite low-cut, she decided on a shawl to complete the ‘gypsy’ look, she put on some mules so she could easily slip them off and walk through the sand bare-footed. She looked at the clock, it was 8.54pm, Spike would be here soon…………

Chapter 7

Spike pulled up outside Buffy’s house, and bibbed the horn.

A minute later, she came down the path, and got into the car.

Spike felt so nervous, he’d barely looked at her. She smiled and said,

“Okay then, so, where are we going, I know you said think beach, but…?”

“You’ll see!” Spike glanced at her, and saw how beautiful she looked, and he suddenly had to swerve slightly to avoid a collision with a tree.

“Careful! So, do you like my outfit?”

“Yeah…s’beautiful, pet”

Buffy looked at him, could see he looked stressed, he was slightly hunched over the steering wheel, and his knuckles looked totally bloodless.

“So, gonna tell me what that steering wheel’s done to you to deserve that death-grip?”

“Wha-what – oh I um…”

“You seem nervous”

Spike scoffed,

“N-nervous? –Me – ha! Don’t make me laugh!” Convincing no one…

Buffy smiled and looked out of the window as they sped along to Shell Beach.

***********


Clem nearly jumped a mile when he was poked in the shoulder. He was waiting outside the cemetery gates, holding a posy of flowers.

“Hello!”

“Oh! You made me jump! Wow…look at you huh!”

“So…you live in a graveyard do you?” Agnes said, walking on through the gates.

Clem quickly followed her and remembered the flowers

“Oh, um, these are for you!” he thrust the posy at her and Agnes looked a little surprised.

“Oh – Oh they um, they’re beautiful, thankyou!” Clem beamed at her, as she seemed pleased. They walked on in silence for a few yards, she fished out the card that was in the posy, and read out loud,

“With Deepest Sympathy – To Mary, will be sadly missed by all of us, from the staff at Sunnydale Home Insurance” she looked at Clem, who liked like he wanted to die a thousand deaths…

“Oh god! I’m sorry, I, well you see, I bought you daisies, and well, they sort of just disintegrated and then Spike said, well –“

“Clem, they’re lovely, thankyou” she patted his arm, and Clem shut up.

“So…where do you live then?”

“Um, well it’s erm, not my – I mean I’ve had permission, don’t think I’m just barging into any old crypt, not that it is, you see how comfortable it is, with a bed – and um, and a comfy chair – got TV too, and I’m sorry I didn’t mean to mention the bed, I don’t want you thinking that that’s all I asked you out for…oh gods I wish I’d shut up!”

Linking her arm through his, they strolled slowly through the graveyard; Agnes smiled at him and said,

“Relax darling, the night is young, lets have a drink and get to know each other better, shall we, hmm?”


*************

After 40 minutes of hard, fast driving, Spike pulled up at the sea wall.

“Okay, you stay there, I’ll come and fetch you when everything is ready”

“M’kay” Buffy said, nodding.

She could hear Spike taking stuff out of the boot, and she turned to look, but of course the back window had been blacked out, so she couldn’t see. By the time she’d cracked open the side window, Spike was out of sight down the steps and onto the sand,

Spike stuck two tar-torches from his crypt into the sand and lit them, and laid out a blanket. He left his guitar in its case, and taking a huge un-necessary breath, he closed his eyes and mumbled to himself,

‘Well mate, it’s now or never…the worst she could do it to laugh in…’ Spike didn’t finish what he was saying, because if she DID laugh, well…he thought that he might just leave Sunnydale for good…


********


“Oh, this is cosy…got anything to drink?”

“Um, er, er yes- yes Claret?”

“Oh, okay, I was thinking a little stronger, but if that’s all you have, then –“

“No, um, no, I have Scotch around here somewhere, if I can remember where I…Oh yes, here we go” Clem took the scotch out of the cupboard where he’d seen Spike stash it earlier, thinking he’d by him one back as soon as he could

“I thought you said there was a bed?”

“What?” Clem asked, shocked!

“A bed, you said, there was a bed!” Agnes repeated, doing a complete 360º turn.

“There is”

“Well where is it then?”

“Downstairs”

“There’s a downstairs? Well come on then darling, what are we waiting for? We might as well get comfy straight away…I’ll bring this, you fetch the glasses…don’t be long now, BIG BOY!” She winked her one big Cyclops eye at him, she took the bottle of Scotch, and started down the ladder, leaving Clem excited, nervous, make that panic-stricken and shocked all at once.

A disembodied voice called up

“And bring the claret too, baby, we can make a night of this!”

Spurred into action, Clem looked around for some clean glasses………


**************


Spike opened the passenger door, and offered her his hand.

Buffy graciously accepted and took it. She smiled when she saw the lit torches and blanket, as she walked down the little flight of stone steps to the beach, stopping on the last one to slip off her mules and carry them.

The evening was warm, with a gentle breeze coming off the sea as it gently lapped on the shore. The moon was full, and quite low in the sky and Buffy sat down on the blanket, and smiled expectantly at Spike.

She sat there and watched as Spike too out his guitar from its case.

Spike strummed a couple of times, tightened one of the key-pegs, strummed again and was satisfied that it was in tune.

“This is a song, I wrote for you” Spike said, his voice a little hoarse from nerves. Buffy immediately sat up straight, and wrapped her arms around her knees, she was a little surprised, nobody had ever written her a song before!

Spike began to play – even this was a revelation to her, she had no idea that…

And then he began to sing:


I see you standing there,
You don’t know your power,
I’ve seen you at your lowest ebb,
I’ve seen your finest hour,

And I want to let you know,
What I feel,
And I want to let you know,
That what I feel is real.

I love to take a little while,
To sit and watch and see you smile,
Your very soul lights up the room,
And when the time is right,
One moon lit night,
I’ll tell you very soon,

And I want to let you know,
What I feel,
And I want to let you know,
That what I feel is real.

Strong and beautiful, wild and free,
You don’t know what you do to me,
You are my sunshine after the rain,
My very strength when I’m in pain,

And I want to let you know,
What I feel
And I want to let you know,
That what I feel is real.

Others they don’t understand,
And say it isn’t true,
To break us up, and try and prove,
I’m not the one for you,

The world may end, and tear us apart,
But I just want you to know,
That forever you’ll be in my heart,
And that I love you so

And I want to let you know,
What I feel,
And I want to let you know,
That what I feel is real


Spike strummed and softly sang the chorus again, and when he’d finished, he put his guitar down in it’s case, and moved to sit next to her.

She didn’t move or say anything at first, and the hope that she liked it faded for Spike, and he felt an emptiness start to build – he must have stupid to think that – and then a loud sniff bought him out of his self-pitying reverie, and he looked at her, to see tears coursing down her face.

Spike looked at the blanket, and pulled at the fringing, he said quietly,

“That bad, huh?”

He felt her hand on his cheek, and she gently forced him to look at her.

“That was so beautiful – I can’t believe you wrote that for me”

“Really – you liked it?” Spike smiled

“No, I LOVED it, and I was wrong, you DO know how to be romantic”

Spike took the opportunity to kiss her, and the both lay down on the blanket………

**********


“OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH – no don’t! Hey, stop that – that tic-tickles! Hee-hee-hee – ooooohhhhh, aaaaahhhhh!”

“Clem, darling, I’m only trying to undo the buttons on your shirt! – Now, un-zip me will you please?”

Carefully, with a very shaky hand, Clem did her bidding, and she shrugged out of her dress and he was pleased to suddenly find out that his fears he’s confided to Spike were needless, you could have run up the Stars and Stripes AND the Union Jack on the flagpole of a hard-on he was now sporting!

“Ooh, I was right, you ARE a big boy, aren’t you – come here!” Agnes launched herself at him, and had Clem’s clothes off in a trice, all this excitement had his antennae and proboscis shooting out and waggling all over his face, and Agnes thought it the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.

“Oh honey, do that again!”

“What?”

“That thing with your eyebrows!”

“What, this?”

“Uh huh…hmm…and again”

“Well, it helps if you touch me……… there”

“Where, there?”

“Bit lower – oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Agnes started to giggle and kiss him.

***************

“Hmm, mmm, Sp-Spike…Spike!” Buffy gently pushed his shoulder

“Huh, what?”

“We’ve got an audience!” Spike looked to where Buffy was looking, and he saw
a dog standing there, wagging his tail, he had dropped a stick at the side of him, and he began to bark.

Buffy laughed and reached for the stick, and threw it towards the waters edge. The dog happily ran after it, splashing about in the water, before retrieving the stick and running back to them, still wagging his tail furiously. Dropping the stick, he barked, then shook himself dry, soaking the pair of them!

“Oh, oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!” a lady came up to them, panting.

Buffy and Spike tried to brush the droplets of water off themselves, but they were smiling.

“It’s okay, my fault…”

“Ben, bad doggie!”

“Oh, don’t scold him, we were going home now anyway” Buffy said standing.

“Oh, well thankyou for being so understanding, goodnight” the lady walked off, calling after her dog.

Buffy helped Spike stand and she slipped her arms around his neck and whispered sexily,

“Lets go back to mine” Spike gave her one of his ‘who’s a sexy boy then’ grins and walked to the waters edge with the torches and extinguished them while Buffy folded the blanket, and did up his guitar case.

If anything, Spike drove even faster going home. It wasn’t until they had pulled up outside her house that Buffy suddenly remembered her rash invite to Willow and the rest of the gang that they could use her house for the DVD and pizza night.

“SHIT!”

“What’s the matter?”

“I forgot I told the gang they could watch the DVD at mine!”

“No bother, we’ll go back to mine then!” Spike said, and they pulled away.

***
“What IS IT?” Buffy frowned, and Spike shrugged as they trudged through the graveyard, they could hear a strange moaning like sound

“Well, whatever it is, it sounds like it’s in pain or something!”

“Not pain, it sounds more like yodelling to me!”

“Bloody hell!”

“What?”

“Oh fuck! It’s coming from my crypt!” Spike said, listening at the door

“YOUR crypt – but how do - what the heck is it?”

“THAT my dear, is the sound of Clem getting lucky!” Spike said with a grin. Buffy was still frowning, and then it turned into a grin.

A high-pitched screaming for joy joined the moaning, and Buffy and Spike grinned, then Buffy sniffed

“What IS that god-awful smell?”

“Oh, um, that’s Agnes…Clem’s date”

“Ew, you’ll have to fumigate the place after, what a whiff!”
Spike nodded, and then said,

“Car?”

“Car!” Buffy replied, and they ran back to where he’d parked up.

Spike was just about to reach to switch on the ignition, when Buffy put her hand on his arm.

“Did you really write that song?”

“Every word, you saw all the failed attempts”

“Huh?”

“All that screwed up paper around the bin”

“Oh, right. It was beautiful”

“Like you then” Buffy smiled and looked down in her lap for a second or two, then she said,

“You’re very, very special to me you know, and one day, who knows, I might just – OH MY GOD, LOOK!”

Spike twisted hi head to look out of the open window, to see Clem naked, vaulting over gravestones, with Agnes in hot pursuit behind him.

“Leave………leave me alone! No more! (pant, pant, cough, choke) enough woman! Eight times is enough!”

Covering her mouth, Buffy started giggling uncontrollably, and Spike joined in.

“Succubus!” Clem shouted at Agnes

“You can suck ANYTHING of mine, big boy!”

“Ow, ooh, gerroff! Oh don’t touch that! It makes me ooooohhhhh! Aaaaahhhhh!”

Buffy saw Agnes groping Clem, and his face was doing its antennae thing with bells and whistles – Buffy was crying with laughter,

“Oh god, oh my gods, should he be that colour?” Buffy asked still giggling

“I’m not sure!”

“Oh gods, that was the funniest thing I ever saw!” Buffy said as they arrived back at her house.

“Look, hopefully the DVD will be nearly finished by now, and everybody can go home…then we can…

Buffy leant forward and whispered, making Spike grin.

“Right then, I’m going in there and telling everyone to bugger off now!”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Just joking pet, but”

“But what?”

“This dancing class, you better tell ‘whack-him’ that I’ll whack him if he so much as-“

“Spike – there’s no need. I decided, I’m not going again”

“No?”

“No – I can still swap courses for another one, I think I’d like to learn how to play the guitar”

“Yeah?” Spike grinned

“Yeah. Then I can write a song telling you what you mean to me. Come on, let’s go tell this lot to bugger off, I want you!” Spike picked her up and Buffy shrieked and began to giggle again………

Chapter 8


NB. You will need to have read the ‘Car trouble’ series to understand the ending of this chapter - KOM



The following Tuesday.


“What are you going to say?” Willow asked when Buffy told her of her decision to quit the salsa dancing course.

“I’ll say………salsa dancing wasn’t me”

“But it was –is – you were very good at it!”

“To tell you the truth Will…I don’t think I could stand another moment of Joachim grabbing me and all his crotch rubbing, never mind his pongy after-shave. Plus well………”

“Well what? – Come on”

“Well I KNOW Spike couldn’t. Stand Joachim pawing me, I mean”

“And speaking of whom, every time I ask you, you change the subject, just what were you all starry-eyed over Saturday night?”

“When?” Buffy feigned ignorance.

“You know very well when, when you bailed on The Grudge, Bring It On, and pizza”

“What were the films like?”

“Well, I don’t really remember, Xander kept on banging away about how much the girl in The Grudge looked like you…I couldn’t see it myself. And then if that wasn’t bad enough, he kept on saying how much the cheer-leader in ‘Bring It On looked like Faith”

They walked into the college gates and Willow went on ahead to her computing class.

Buffy made her way to the enrolment room. She went up to the middle-aged woman wearing glasses, sitting behind the desk.

“Can I help you?”

“Um, I’d like to switch courses please”

“I see, is there any particular reason?”

“Oh…I’ve discovered I’ve got two left feet, salsa dancing isn’t for me”

“Okay then, but I’ll warn you, there aren’t many vacancies left, most classes are fully booked.

“Oh, I was hoping for guitar playing”

“Let me see…………sorry, he has the dozen wanted, plus three already waiting in the wings in case somebody drops out. I can do you………cello playing, or the harp?” The woman looked up expectantly at Buffy, but she quickly shook her head.

“Well, what have you got left then?”

“Let me see…advanced maths?”

“God no!”

“Pure maths?”

“Nuh-uh”

“Binary number maths with computer-“

“A world of no! – No math!”

The woman turned the page.

“Macramé?”

“No thanks…”

“Car maintenance?”

“Really?”

“Yes, Mr Parker has two vacancies”

“Well, he’s just filled one, put me down”

“Very well, your name is?”


***************


Later on that evening……………

Spike was sitting while Buffy paced around him saying,

“And there are NO such thing as grub-nuts! Or loosening the flywheel to stop the sand getting in the filters…and blowing the carbs and camshaft what-sits! I felt a right fool!”

Spike glanced up at her guiltily, but then gave her a grin

“Got us together though, didn’t it pet!”

“What did? – You lying to me?”

“NO – me baffling you with bull-um…did I ever tell you how beautiful you look when you’re angry?”

Buffy tried not to smile, but it was impossible

“I should have nothing more to do with you really!”

“Why not?”

“Oh, because – because!”

“Since you’ve been with me, you’ve-“

“Since I’ve been with you, I’ve learnt to swear like a dock worker, I’ve told lies to the police, broken into and driven away a car from a police pound, nearly got done for public indecency TWICE…”

“But-“

“Don’t interrupt!”

“Sorry, but I was only going to say –“

“I said DON’T interrupt me while I’m in full rant mode!”

Spike looked suitably chastised and sat there while she continued to rant and pace.

“You made me drive away from an accident…fail to stop at the police’s request…made me drive the wrong way down a one way street – “

“You did that, not me, I didn’t tell you to do that!” Spike said indignantly, and Buffy just glared at him.

“Sorry – do continue!”

“And you’ve, you’ve…oooh – my friends now think I’m a sex maniac coz every time they come here we’re at it like rabbits…”

“So? – “

“I said don’t-“

“No, YOU listen now, since you’ve been with me, I’ve shown you what Angel’s REALLY like, won, despite your best efforts to the contrary, money for a hospital scanner, learned that even if it was bullshit, you should take more care when setting out on long journey’s through hostile country,”

Buffy went to open her mouth but Spike continued,

“AND learned that I love you more than any man alive or dead and I would do anything for you and keep you out of harm – and give you the best sex you’ve EVER had, and write you a love song!”

“Ego much?”

“FACT MUCH!” Spike’s glare turned to a grin and Buffy said,

“Yeah…okay then, wanna remind me again just how good you are?”

“Thought you’d never ask………”

*************

“Buffy, it’s only me, I left my –oh!” Seeing a trail of clothing upstairs, Xander didn’t continue, he just went into the lounge and picked up his cell phone.

From upstairs could be heard,

“Oh god………oh god don’t stop, don’t stop, DON’T YOU DARE STOP ……… …… AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Xander left the house frowning, boy, those two, they were ALWAYS at it! And was he jealous…course he was!



THE END