In the past few months so much has happened. For once we have had some joyous occasions. They have diverted a few minor apocalypses around the world, but nothing that they had not handled easily.

I’ll never forget the night Angel asked me to be best man at his upcoming wedding to Cordelia. I was in the kitchen grabbing a snack when he stepped out of the shadows. I had known he was there, could feel him the minute I stepped in the room. As long as I am alive or undead I will never forget the conversation we had. It was the first actual conversation that I’d ever had with my sire in any form. I have learned to let go of the animosity that I have felt for Angel for a century and a half and I think he did the same with me.

“Tell me something William.” The Irish lilt in Angels voice making a rare appearance. Which made me pay attention? When the Liam side of Angel came out I knew I had to pay attention, it meant that Angel was feeling vulnerable in some way.

“Yeah” I backed up against the counter a glass of blood and scotch in my hand and waited. Looking at him as he looked out the window over the darkened grounds of the backyard.

“Everything you’ve done you’ve done for them right. For Dawn and Buffy, the soul, the Hellmouth, fighting Hell itself, you did it for them.”

“For the most part, I also did it for me. Tired of being a monster I guess. Never really got to be a man so I thought I’d give it a go.”

“What were the trials like?”

“I’d probably be dust if I hadn’t wanted the award so much. Between the giant with flaming fists, the Golgasmeck demons, and having my insides eaten by scarab beetles, it wasn’t too bad. Could have been worse I suppose?” I saw Angel’s head nod in agreement.

“Did you know that your soul was going to be restored? ”

“At first I just wanted to get rid of the government chip in my head. However, once I got there all I wanted was to be what she needed. To be what she deserves.” Looking down at my glass I twirled its contents and took a sip the alcohol burning its way down my throat.

“She deserved to live a normal life.”

“Yeah, both of them do, that’s what I want to give them now. A life as normal as what I can make it at least. Bloody hell I know I’m not perfect and that’s not even taking in the demon part. You know as well as I that even if we weren’t in the picture her life was never going to be normal. Slayers’s burn fast and die young. We were just kind of thrown into her life because we both fell in love with her. So did her whole Scoobie gang. I stayed because I didn’t want her to fight alone, she needed to have someone around who could understand the Slayer part of her. You left her so that she could have the life you wanted for her, but it wasn’t the life she would have chosen. She was willing to give up everything for you, while I was willing to give up everything for her. If she wakes up tomorrow and stakes my ass I’ll die happy knowing that she’s alive and not stuck in a coma.”

“Did you ever think we’d turn out this way, William? That we would become more human than we were when we were alive?”

“I don’t know, Angelus would say that we’re not even worth life seeing as how we have both let the human side of us rule.” I saw Angel flinch when I said Angelus and I was sorry for him. My soul was whole and complete while he warred every day with his. I could finally see for once why he brooded and was quiet so much.

“I also know that is the reason why we are still alive, why you and I are the only ones in history to have our souls restored. Their love is what keeps us here, made us what we are. The whole bloody lot of them. They gave us something that we could never in a hundred lifetimes deserve. I’m grateful for them, even the whelp when I want to ring his sorry neck. Sunnydale and its bunch of do gooders was the end and the beginning for both of us.”

“Would you do it differently, if you had the chance? Could you have walked away if you had to? If you felt you had no other choice, if you felt what you were doing was right. Would you have walked away from her love because you could never give her what you felt she needed?” Angel turned and faced me his face full of question and doubt.

“No, I wouldn’t do anything different even the chip in my head. Buffy would have killed me if it wasn’t for the chip. I don’t think I could ever leave them not for any reason. Course, you know me not much of a thinking things through bloke anyway. You did what you had to at the time Angel. Dawn told me something awhile ago that has really made me think. She said that things were the way they are for a reason. You were supposed to come to L.A. just as I was supposed to go back to Sunnyhell. You were needed here, I was needed there. You seem to forget that I did leave for a while and I won’t tell you the reason why. Still, I could never stay away. They became my family and friends, even if they didn’t want me, they were still home.”

When Angel didn’t say anything, I continued. I was beginning to see the meaning behind his questions. He was wondering if he was doing the right thing with Cordelia. I understood that, it was the reason why after I came back I never sought out Buffy. The feeling that maybe she was, that they all were better off without me. I was wrong and so was Angel.

Taking a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the cupboard I grabbed two shot glasses and set them on the table in front of Angel. Pulling out a chair I sat and pushed one out for Angel, who sat to my surprise. Pouring two shots I pushed one toward him and slung mine back relishing in the rush of the liquor.

“She loves you, she became part demon for you. Cordelia knows the score, always has. She came back for you. If you walk away now Peaches, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Though I doubt you’d get far before she’d find you. It’s her life to decide how she wants to live it. You can’t make the decisions for her Angel, all you will do is piss her off, and you know what she’s like when that happens.”

With the grimace that had shown on Angel’s face I could tell he had faced Cordelia’s wrath on more than one occasion. Kind of funny actually. In the old days no one would have dared go up against Angelus. I had a feeling that the cheerleader had more spine and guts than sense. But there was also love, love that grew from friendship. Cordelia would never give up Angel without a fight and heaven help anyone that tried.

“So I should go through with it?” Angel was already working on his fourth shot and was getting ready to pour another.

“Yes I do.”

“Then you have to do me a favor William. I’ll need you if at the last minute to talk some sense, or to beat it into me.” Angel set his glass down.

“Yeah sure. Whatever it takes. Guess I owe you that much.” I poured my third shot and was just downing it when I heard Angel’s request.

“I need actually want you to be my best man William.”

Shock coursed through my body and I coughed, spraying the table and Angel in whiskey. He had to be joking. It was all some sort of a trick. Once my coughing fit subsided I looked at him as if he was insane.

“You want me to what?”

“Be my best man.”

“May I ask for God’s sake why?” I was in shock.

“Because you’re the only part of my family, I claim anymore. Not only are you my childe, but you’ve been the only brother I’ve ever had. I have a history with you that I don’t have with Wes and Gunn. That and you have the muscle to keep me from doing something stupid and wrecking any chance of a future with Cordy.”

“Are you completely daft?”

“Probably, but will you still do it.”

“All right, but don’t blame me if something bad happens that I can’t control.”

“I won’t, thanks William.”

He left as quietly as he had come, but he seemed a bit lighter with his steps. I was right I did owe him, especially for all the times I tried to kill him over the years. What overwhelmed me so much that I just sat there and pondered until almost dawn was that he claimed me as his childe. That claim meant a lot to me considering he had never even spoke of such things in over a hundred years.
That didn’t shock me as much as his statement about being his brother and friend. Something that touched me to the core. Angelus and I had been close at one time, he had been my mentor after I was first turned. It was he that showed me what being a vampire was all about, Dru was always too busy with her dolls or some such nonsense. I looked up to Angelus wanting to be just as bad and ruthless as he was. Still, after all this time I really think I like Angel more. I was proud that he had chosen me and I would stand beside him when that day comes as his brother, friend and childe.

Well love it’s over now, the wedding that is. We just sent the happy couple off on their honeymoon. You would have liked the wedding luv, it was beautiful. Cordelia and Angel spared no expense which was obvious to everyone.

We held the ceremony here in the house, in the atrium and the backyard held the reception. They covered up the indoor pool to use as a floor and the whole place was lit with twinkle lights and candles with rose, lily and orchid flower arrangements and upon Angel’s request pots of Irish Heather. They decided that we would hold the wedding here rather than the Hyperion as everyone demon and human could be here without any question. The girls got ready in the guest wing and the men got ready in the family area.

The outside, decorated the same as inside, and it made the grounds romantic or like fairy land according to Dawn. I spent the day ordering people around, which gave me a headache worse than the Initiative’s chip. Afternoon was spent trying to keep an agitated and nervous Angel from making a beeline to the nearest airport and to Tibet. He was getting on my nerves, so much that I came close to knocking him out. If it wouldn’t have been for Cordelia kicking my ass because I messed up Angel’s face I would have done just that. Instead I cornered Lorne and made him fork over some of his Valium which I slipped into Angel’s blood when he wasn’t looking. Luckily that worked or I would have had to hurt him and took whatever I got from his beloved. But hell what is best man for anyway.

The ceremony was beautiful. Willow performed the ceremony along with Lorne who just also happens to be a licensed minister. We all seem to learn more about him as time goes by. Cordelia was smashing in a designer gown and her maid of honor was Fred and her bridesmaids were Dawn and a couple of other chippies I don’t know. Angel wore the traditional tux as did the rest of us groomsmen. In the line up it was Angel, me, Wesley, Gunn and Connor.

Until Cordelia walked down the aisle, Angel fidgeted in the way that he does when he is nervous. I put my hand on his shoulder to keep him from bolting and for comfort. If anyone would have told you a decade ago that I would be offering support to my sire on his wedding day, I would have told them they were off their gourd. Then I would have drunk them dry just for even suggesting such a notion. Just goes to show you how we all have changed.

As she walked down the aisle she was enchanting, a smile lighting up her face and fresh tears were shining in her eyes along with love for the man that stood in front of me. Even I in all of my badness couldn’t help the tears that formed in my own eyes. Tears for you, and for the life we may or may never have. She was beautiful pet, but not nearly as beautiful as you would be.

When Angel saw her, I saw and felt all the tension leaving him and as he took her hand I knew that he was ready. Squeezing his shoulder as he took his bride’s hand and led her in front of Willow and Lorne. Today they would join them legally and spiritually in front of the Powers, man and demon. My heart ached for us, but it was also joyful for them. I would do whatever I could to see that they made it. After all this time they deserved whatever happiness that life could afford them.

So many thoughts were running through my head that I almost missed giving Angel the ring and would have if Wesley wouldn’t have poked me in the back. No one objected the marriage which almost seemed to come as a surprise considering that very few things happen in all of our lives that don’t lead to chaos. Looking out over the crowd when Lorne gave the announcement, I looked at Xander, who had tears running freely down his face. He alone knew how I felt, his love was lost for him the same way mine sometimes felt for you. Xander should have been sitting there happy with Anya by his side, but for whatever reason it was not meant to be. Someday soon I was going to have to get him pissed drunk and let him get it all out. Heck I had done so much counseling lately I was getting to feel like the group therapist, damn William and his pooftiness. No longer was I the Big Bad for these people I had turned into a flaming mother hen.

Turning just in time I caught Angel bending down and kissing his wife with passion, tears on his face along with the smile that lit up the room. A moment of perfect happiness. Reality dawned on me and I felt the room’s energy change, growing darker by the moment. Cordelia saw it too and threw her bouquet to Fred, immediately getting into a fighting stance. Why had none of us thought about it? You see I told you pet, we just can’t have functions without a little bit of chaos. The moment Angelus arrived I felt it in my blood, the sire calling out to his childe. Knowing for a few moments he would be dazed I followed my instinct and grabbed Angel by his arms holding him back and away from Cordelia.

“Red, I hope you were prepared for this, if not we’re going to have trouble.” Angelus was now starting to struggle in my grasp and I honestly didn’t know how much longer I could hold him. If he regained full strength, heavens help us all.

“Spike, down!” I heard Cordelia’s shout and ducked just in time as her fist connected with Angel’s jaw with enough force that his head snapped back into unconsciousness. The only thing holding him up was the fact that I had his arms.

“Nice shot ducks.” I said looking at her with new respect. Yep, if there was any match for Angelus she was standing in front of me now, still smiling and happy. Which made me wonder if they had this planned from the start? Laying Angel down I could see that Willow and Cordelia had planned this probably figuring that if anyone knew Angel would get wind of it and ka bosh the whole thing.

Terra, Aeris, Ignis, Aqua
that from which he is made
Let him return
Never to leave again.
Together that which
Belongs below
And that which
Is above
Becoming a perfect mesh
Of light and dark
His soul ruling over all
Grant him that which he desires
To be a part of this world
Leaving only at a time
Of his choosing
Grant him traits he will need
To battle dark forces
Sending them to where they belong
He is to never come to harm
Invincible and immortal
Being as he was only more
Vampire and human.

I watched next to Angel as Willow laid her hand on his chest a beam of pure light coming from her fingers. Then watched as she pressed her other hand to my chest causing me to cry out as pure energy ran through my body. Power burned through every cell in my body and I could feel its strength as much as I could feel my soul. It was neither dark nor light, just pure power from the earth, creation and destruction melting my demon and my soul into one.

Then I heard it, faintly from my chest then in my ears, ringing loudly in cacophony. It was my heartbeat. I could feel my skin warming making sweat trickle down my back and my lungs taking deep ragged breaths as my body fully functioned for the first time in a hundred and twenty-five years. It was amazing and incredible. I had the overwhelming urge to shout that I was once again a real boy. As the light faded and my mind started functioning back on all levels I looked at Willow who was sitting back on her hunches staring at both Angel and me, her miracle children. Without a second thought I raised to my legs and grabbed her twirling her around while she laughed and scorned me until I was forced to put her down because she looked a little ill.

At this point Angel started coming to his senses and looked up at Cordy who was cradling his head in her lap. Grabbing her, he started laughing and crying before doing to her what I had down to Willow, twirling her around in front of our audience. Lorne came up beside us and shouting over our joy.

“I now pronounce Cordelia and Angel husband and wife. I also now pronounce Angel and Spike, human with benefits.”

Lorne started the clapping and the hundred or so odd guests that had watched the spectacle stood up with the applause. There were also some wolf whistles from the humans along with grumbles from the demons telling us that we were sell outs. But who cared I was happy, jubilant even. Putting my hands on either side of Willow’s head, taking her yet again by surprise and kissed her full on the lips before giving her a fierce hug and letting go.

Running to Dawn I picked her up in my arms and swung her around too. Her laughter making my heart beat faster and making me feel as if I was on air. This was the happiest moment of my life and everything was happening so fast that I didn’t even stop to think. I wanted to run the joy for as long as possible. Hoisting Dawn on my back piggy style I carried her out the doors and into the darkened garden for the reception making her promise that as soon as she had the time we were going to the beach. After all these years I couldn’t wait to be in the sun.

I have to finish this for now pet, even though the happy couple has left for a tropical isle somewhere, there are still guests mulling around. Dawn has been at the door three times now telling me that I am neglecting our guests. I came back here as soon as I could to get everything written down before I forgot one detail.

I just wish there was something that could be done for us pet and I know by hook or by crook I will find it. You just hang on for me okay. I love you Buffy.

**************************************************************

Spike set his journal aside and took Buffy’s hand in his, kissing the palm gently before laying it against his cheek. Staring at her, feeling his heart beat he cried. Great hoarse sobs came from his freshly breathing lungs. He didn’t know how much longer he could go on seeing her like this, loving her this much and yet again not able to be with her. It was tearing at his heart and soul until he honestly didn’t know if there would be anything left, even with Willow’s magic.

Every day he saw her and every day it got harder to hold firmly to the hope. The hope that someday she would come out of it like Cordelia and they too would have their fairy tale and happily ever after. Laying his head down in his hands, he cried until there were no more tears to be had. Until his chest burned and his heart ached so much that he wished it would stop beating.

Spike heard the door open and could tell by the soft gentle perfume that it was Fred. At this moment he didn’t bloody well care what anyone thought of him. Not even bothering raising his head, he motioned at her to come on it. The heels of his hands dug into his eyes brutally wiping the tears away. If only he could wipe away the pain in his soul the same way.

“How long has it been since you’ve been away from here Spike.” Fred put her hand on his shoulder, no one but her sometimes saw the hell that he was in. Not even Dawn.

“Not really sure sweetling. But you know I can’t leave here. Not until she’s awake.” Spike raised up his eyes blood shot and his nose running. His breath was coming in gasps.

“You need to get away from here for a while Spike. It’s not doing you any good to be like this.” Taking a handkerchief from her sleeve she handed it to him and turned away while he wiped his face.

“I can’t and you know that pet. I have to be here for her when she wakes up.” He bestowed a kiss on her forehead and shoved the handkerchief in his tux pocket, knowing he just might need it again later.

“And what if she never wakes up Spike. Will you also cease to exist? She has a nurse to stay with her Spike, one that won’t fail to call you on a moment notice. You don’t have to go far. Stay with us at the Hyperion, come with us when we patrol. But for heaven’s sake you have got to get on with your life. Accomplish something other than this everyday so that when she does wake up she’ll be proud of you. Proud that you had the courage to make a difference, to change and do something with the gift that you have been given. Even if it’s not helping us. You’ve earned the break just as all of us have from time to time. We’ll know where to find you if it’s something we can’t handle. Every one of us in the past six months have taken some time off. It’s your turn.”

Dawn walked into the room in pure Dawn style. Her head held high and her long hair flying behind her. Her rose and gold colored gown flowed on the floor in a whisper. She looked radiantly beautiful. School was agreeing with her and had let her finally build her own confidence and self esteem. There was a flash of fire in her eyes, her chin was pointed forward and her hands were on her hips. Spike took one look at her and knew she meant business even though he would be able to change her mind into his way of thinking shortly.

“I can’t Nibblet, I need to be here for her. She deserves it. My life is nothing without her.”
Spike didn’t stand, just kept sitting over hunched like he had been when she walked into the room.

“You’re wrong. If I have to Spike, I’ll put her away. You can’t do this to yourself, and make the rest of us feel guilty for moving on. I love Buffy too. But if you step away for a while then I’m moving her out of her and into a full time care facility.” Standing over him Dawn looked him square in the eye and dared him to make a move. She knew putting Buffy in a home would make him angry and she wasn’t disappointed.

Standing up in anger, Spike looked at the one person who thought would understand. He was here for Buffy, not to run off and leave her here alone. All of the men had done that too her in her short life. He wasn’t about to be the one to follow that pattern. His eyes were raging and flashing from blue to yellow, the blood boiling in his veins.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Watch me, you seem to forget Spike. I’m Buffy’s only relative and I decide what gets done about her care. If I wanted to go over there right now and unhook every one of those cords, it’s my legal right.” Dawn knew she was dangerously close to making Spike snap, but if that’s what it took, then at least she would be the one to do it.

“You so much as move an inch and I’ll drink you dry. Who are you to decide what happens to her. You have your own life to live. Why don’t you go back to it and let me get on with mine.”
Spike’s fury was rolling off of him in waves and it took all of his control not to grab Dawn and physically see her out of the room.

“Do what I ask Spike, leave tonight. If you don’t, I’ll have her moved from here tomorrow. You need to get on with things. I’m tired of seeing you brood around this house. I thought Angel was bad, but you, sure take the cake. You need a vacation of this. The rest of us love her too you know. Why don’t you give us a chance to show it to her” Dawn took Spike by the arm and pulled him to the door and into the hallway.

“You can come by once a week to see her. You never know, maybe she’ll start missing your presence being around and it might help. It’s going to help you more in the long run. Now I want you to pack up some things and go. If you don’t, I’m going to go get Willow, and you don’t want to mess with her. We’ve already talked about this and it’s for your own good.” Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and prayed that their idea would work.

Everyone was tired of seeing Spike mope. He really did have to get on with his life, Buffy would come out of this mess when she was good and ready. Spike needed to learn to live for himself for once and if Dawn had to make good on every one of her threats she would. He was too important to her to lose him in a pity of self pity and anguish.

Spike full of fury pushed past her and down the hall to his bedroom, slamming the door open as he went. Changing clothes in a hurry he pulled a duffel bag from the closet he haphazardly began filling it from the closet and drawers, not really paying much attention to what went in it. It’s not as if most of it wasn’t black anyway. Grabbing his journal as he went into his bathroom and got stuff there before slamming the door to his room and again pushing away from Dawn. Heading into the garage without saying a word to anyone, he saw just how well they had worked on their little plan. Inside was a new black and chrome motorcycle, for once he didn’t bother checking it out just stowed the bag and pressed the button for the garage door. Once it had opened all the way he gunned the powerful engine and pealed out into the night in a fist of fury, never looking back for the ones who were betraying him.

He never got to see the three women holding each other and crying, knowing they were doing what they had to for him. Spike needed to learn to live and they were going to make sure that somehow and someway he would. They knew that if something ever happened to Buffy now he wouldn’t be able to live with it and he would find a way of killing himself. Dawn, Fred and Willow stared into the night from the opened cage door and prayed that Spike would learn to fly on his own.


I'm working on the next chapter right now and it should be up in a day or two. Thanks for reading and remember to review even if you don't like it.

Aerialla

Intermission:

After leaving on the bike in a ferocious pace he went to the first bar he’d come to. His mind was in a fury. How could they make him leave? Buffy needed him, just as much as he needed her. Throwing money down on the counter, the bartender offered him the bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass which he left.

Spike strode to the back to a darkened corner. Women in scantily clad clothes looked him over hungrily but he was pretty certain the scowl on his face told them to back off. Opening the fresh bottle he relished the burning of the liquor as it fired his belly. Trying not to think of the beating of his newly active heart, he didn’t think he could handle the pain of its ache. He should be by her side right now, talking to her, trying everything possible to get her to come back. Now that they had their precious Angel back and all human, they evidently didn’t need him anymore. Well he wasn’t going to settle for it. He was going to march back up to that house and either make them see reason or he was going to tear them apart, limb to limb.

Finishing the bottle, comforted by the feeling it gave him he strode back out to the bike, turning it back around the way he came. Using break neck speed throughout the winding roads to the mansion he made it back in less time than when he’d left. Parking the bike a few houses away he stormed up the street hoping they weren’t ready for a sneak attack. He was wrong.

Ten feet into the driveway Spike felt the barrier but didn’t care. Taking a few steps back he ran full force into it, only to be bodily flown away. The witch had some serious mojo on the place. After fifteen minutes of trying to force his way through with no success Spike felt his heart shatter like crystal and he slid to the ground deflated and defeated.

From where the tears came he had no idea and for the second time in one night the flood gates holding all his emotions burst. Only this time he wasn’t with Buffy, he was on a cold driveway unable to be near the woman that gave his dark life light.

Inside Dawn stared out the window tears rolling down her eyes, for him. She wanted desperately to go to him, to let him back in the house and beg for his forgiveness. It wouldn’t do Spike any good. He was the last of all of them to start a new life, and if she had to force it upon him she would. Even if he hated her forever, she would stand by her decision. Spike had to learn to live, not for Buffy, or her, or even the Scoobies, he had to learn to live for himself. It wasn’t going to be easy, the stubborn ass didn’t know how to do easy. Once he had drunk himself silly and crawled out of the gutter he would regain his strength, at least she hoped he would.

Dawn watched as he cried and it tore her apart inside. It was just Buffy, the nurse and her, now in the house, Wesley, Willow and Fred had left shortly after Spike. She was glad she wasn’t alone, having never really like being in the house by herself. Dawn had heard the stories of what Darla and Drusilla had done and couldn’t even go into the den for that reason. She couldn’t see the carnage but she could sense it. Turning from the window as Spike got back on the bike sullenly this time unlike the first, she whispered words for his safety. Once in her room she fell into an exhaustive sleep.

******
Spike drove to the Hyperion, only to have it barricaded the same as the house, they even blocked the entrances through the sewer. Feeling abandoned by the people he considered his family devastated him. With slacked shoulders and heavy heart he went to the first liquor store he spied and bought four bottles of tequila figuring it would help him drown his sorrows better than the whiskey had. Across the street was a flea bag motel that he checked himself into after stowing the bike safely behind the building.

Finding his room at least clean and serviceable he threw his bag on the bed. Opening a bottle, he sat at the scarred table and started drinking. After two bottles were empty, the rage started building inside. The urge to smash and bash was beginning to roll off him in waves like the smell of the liquor was doing to his body. Opening the third bottle then grabbing the fourth and the bike’s keys he made for the door, drinking the bottle as he went down the stairs then throwing the empty container in the dumpster. Gunning the bike, he took off for the really bad part of town, the place where he was sure to find some nasty buggers to destroy. At the stop light he made a right and headed toward Beverly Hills.

The dawn found Spike bleeding and broken staring out over the ocean waiting for the sun to finish the job that the nest of Fyarl demons. Opening his final bottle of tequila he stared at the ocean’s waves hitting the shore, pounding the sand like his heart and head were doing right now. Not wanting to look at his demise he closed his eyes and drank deep from the bottle, not even caring whether he choked or not. In three more slams he finished the bottle letting it drop from his hand beside him on the soft sand. Just as the sun’s rays flashed across the sky Spike’s brain gave out and he passed out unconscious on the sand.

This had become Spike’s routine from the time his new found family had kicked him to the curb. He’d get drunk, patrol, get drunk again and pass out either at the hotel or on the beach. The next night he’d do it all again until the month of February had flown by and he hadn’t even realized it. With it brought rain which seemed the clear the smog filled air along with Spike’s head. He awoke the day of Leap Year and finally started to take stock of his life which lead to one last depression filled drunk that once again saw Spike passing out as dawn broke over the ocean.

Many many thanks to all the readers. Please read and review, not just mine but every story you read. Many people don't realize just how much it means to us authors.

Now on with the program.....

One word, just one word froze his blood. It stared up at him like some form of evil, making his heart pound worse than when Buffy decided to take her swan dive off crater Sunnydale. There was no possible way that this was happening, not now, not to him. William, his human name blinked at him like some garish neon sign. There were only four people in his vampire existence that knew that name, one was in a coma, two was on his honeymoon, three was stark raving mad, and four, Isabelle. There hadn’t been one shred of his existence that he hadn’t told her during the afterglow in bed. This just bloody well wasn’t possible and must be either a sick, cruel joke or just sheer coincidence. Never one for jokes and praying for a coincidence Spike split the seal on the envelope. Inside was a letter written on two pieces of notebook paper and smelled of lavender, the same scent that followed Isabelle wherever she went. Tears filled his eyes as he read and his heart cried out for her and the injustice he caused her.

William,

By the time you get this I’ll be gone. I always hoped and prayed to whatever and whoever would listen that you would come back for me that you would come back for us. But you never did, not once did you write or call to see how I was. That hurt. Until I found something to keep holding on for.

The children. There ours William, mine and yours. Alyssa Anne (after your mother) and Adrian William (after you). They were born eight months to the day after you left. I used whatever means I had to try to find you, but kept coming up that you were dead. I don’t know why or how it happened. Nevertheless, you and I created two precious lives during our time together. I will love them as I will love you. For all eternity. But I can’t stay, there is somewhere else I have to be, and my time here is running short.

After Alyssa and Adrian were born I found out I had cancer. The doctors said the twins should have never been conceived let alone born. That they were miracles, little did they know just how right they were. With the money you left I was able to find a little house and pay for little things my income didn’t cover. I never actually told them about you. It was too painful but I should have told them that their father was a good man, he was smart and funny, heroic and handsome and you would have loved them beyond all reason. That is my fault and I’m sorry I should have told them about you, I just didn’t know how without going into a lot of things that they wouldn’t understand.

A month ago I was attacked by a vampire coming home, but a young girl along with a passel of others killed him and walked me home. During one of their conversations I overheard them talking about you, and the fact you had regained your soul and that you were in LA. Then the doctors told me that the cancer was spreading rapidly and that I should start making provisions for the children. I sold everything except what the children would need and bought the car. I knew that somehow the children would lead me to you.

You see, they are indeed special. They don’t know it, but they have inherited some of your more useful qualities. Once we left Cleveland I began wearing an old shirt that you had left behind, never having washed it, for fear of washing away your smell, I knew that they would sense you and lead us to you. Seems I was right.

I write this now as I watch you in the moonlight by the ocean. You are sleeping so peacefully though knowing you, more from a hangover than anything. The children are sleeping in the car, but soon I will get them and tell them to stay near you when I say goodbye.

I know what you must think of me leaving them like this, especially since you have a soul. But I can’t bear to have them watch me get weaker until there is nothing left of the mother they knew. I love them and you with everything that is in me that is why is was so important for me to bring you together. Please don’t turn them away William, you’re all they have left in this world. You are their father and if I know you like I believe I do, you will come to love them as much as I. Alyssa is so much like you that some days it hurt my heart just to watch her. She can be brash and bold and not a bit shy and constantly wants approval. Adrian, he’s like me, feisty, with a way of getting into trouble, and a little shy at times.

Love them for both of us William. I will be watching out for all of you.

With all my love forever,
Isabelle

Tears were streaming down Spike’s face as he refolded the letter and put it back in his coat. Getting out and carefully closing the hatch so it wouldn’t wake the children he began pacing in front of the car. If he wouldn’t have known Isabelle, his first thought would have been that she had been with someone else during their time together, but that was not possible. Taking out his phone again he called Wesley again.

“Wes, I need you to get the LA team together have them meet Gunn and me when we get back to the Hyperion, we need to hit some books for research.”

“What’s going on Spike, I know you patrolled last night? Did you run into something that you think is about an apocalypse?” Wesley as usual thought everything revolved around an apocalypse.

“I’ll let everyone know when I get there, just get them there a head of me.” It was hard for Spike to talk since his throat was still pretty choked up. Hanging up the phone again before Wesley could ask any more questions he lit up a cigarette and kept pacing still going when Gunn showed up with his truck.

“Hey, man what are you doing getting me out of bed at this ungodly hour just to come pick up your bleach blonde ass at the beach? Have you finally learned that you, alcohol and that bike don’t go together very well?” Gunn got out slamming the door and walked around to the tail gate lowering it.

“Can you help me load up the bike?” Spike flicked his cigarette to the ground and walked over to the bike kicking its stand up. Walking it over to the truck he helped Gunn get the bike on and strapped down.

“So are you ready, or do you need a few minutes.” Charles was the first one to see somewhat human Spike with a hangover and witnessed first hand how a stomach could rebel on too much alcohol on a stomach not used to being sensitive.

“Hang on a minute, there’s a couple things I have to get first.”

Gunn watched Spike curiously as he walked to an old blue car and opened it’s passenger side door. He was about to yell at his friend when Spike came up holding a little boy in his arms. Spike walked the sleeping boy to the truck and gently placed him inside before going back to the car. All Gunn could do, was stare as Spike this time carried an awake but sleepy little girl in one hand and an old trunk in another. Putting the trunk in the back of the truck, he hopped in setting the little girl in his lap before closing the door. Gunn got in and put the truck in gear.

“So what’s going on man?” He asked looking at his friend with wide eyes as two small children cuddled to what he knew was one of the most fierce vampires to ever walk the earth.

“Just get us to the Hyperion, I’d rather tell everyone at once. It will make it easier on everyone that way.” Spike wasn’t paying much attention to anything for the moment. His mind was still on Isabelle, her letter and the fact that he was a father. A father of the two children who were now nestled in his arms.

The ride to the Hyperion was silent as the children slept and Gunn and Spike both mulled over things in their own way. Gunn wondered what the hell was going on and Spike wondered what the hell he was going to do now.

A few blocks away from the Hyperion, Adrian woke up first rubbing his eyes and yawning. Looking up at Spike he smiled and cuddled closer. Spike rewarded the boy with a returned smile and gladly cuddled him near.

Spike couldn’t get past the idea that the children he held in his arms were his. That he had helped to create these two precious life forms. His soul and his demon were in complete awe, something that had never happened until now. The only question running through his mind was why and how. Big questions that definitely were going to need big answers.

Pulling into the back alley of the Hyperion, Gunn shut off the ignition and got out of the truck. He didn’t quite know what to do, or if Spike wanted him to do anything so he just stood there.

“Gunn, there’s a trunk in the back could you take it inside for me. I need a few minutes along with the children.” Spike opened his door and gently shaking Alyssa awake.

“Come on Poppet, time to wake up.” Holding her in one arm and Adrian in the other, he walked into the garden that Fred was lovingly restoring. Sitting them down on the bench he bent and sat on his haunches facing them.

“There is something that I have to tell both of you. I’d rather tell you now, rather than later. There was a reason your mummy left you by me. I read the letter that she left. She knew how to find me because I’m your father. I didn’t know it, but because of your mummy’s letter I do. I don’t know how good a da I’ll be, but I’ll try.” Spike looked into the eyes of his children’s as they lit up with joy, then propelled backward as both of them launched themselves into his arms.

“I knew you would find us one day daddy, I knew it. Emily at school got a new daddy and I knew someday I would too.” Alyssa hugged her father with all the strength in her small body as her brother did the same. Tears of happiness as his heart expanded and all the walls crumbled from around his heart making it really beat for the first time. He was holding his children so close that he was afraid he’d crush them. These two tiny beings loved him unconditionally without knowing anything about him. Now more than ever he had a family he could call his own.

Doing for some reason seemed to come natural he started tickling their ribs until he had arm fulls of squirming, squealing bundles of joy. Growling low in his throat, he laughed as they scrambled away laughing before tackling him again. Standing up with one in each arm he continued to tickle them as he made his way into the Hyperion lobby. Today the first day of March was the first true day of his life.

.

For those that read part four. I am very sorry this was supposed to come first. I put them up backwards. Please accept my apologies and Off with my head. Thanks to all the readers your time reading my stories is very precious to me.

Many thanks Aerialla



Everyone turned and stared as Spike walked into the lobby, full of life and laughter. He looked happier than anyone had ever seen. It was as if years of battle scars, turmoil pain and regret had washed away in the matter of minutes. Everyone had been preparing for impending doom or danger, not laughter and joy. The whole gang stood stock still has Spike came to a stop a few feet away from them, righting the children on their feet and taking both by the hand.

Angel was the first to step forward, really curious as to what had happened to his childe in the space of forty eight hours since they ran into each other on patrol. In all their years together Angel had never seen this side to Spike and wondered what kind of a spell they were dealing with.

“Everyone I called you all here for a very special purpose.” Spike stood facing his family and felt a tug on his left hand. Looking down at his son who was motioning for him to come forward he bent and listened while his son whispered in his ear.

“Daddy who are all these people?”

“Just a moment lad and you will find out. But they are nice people and none of them would hurt a hair on you or your sister’s head.” Standing back up, Spike looked each member of his family in the eye before settling on Angel. His demon still had a habit of searching for approval from its Grand Sire.

“Everyone I would like to introduce you to Alyssa and Adrian, my children. Alyssa, Adrian, I would like to introduce you to your family.” Spike was not surprised when the next one that pulled him down was Alyssa.

“Daddy we don’t have any family, just you and mommy. And she’s gone.” Tears were swimming in his daughter’s eyes at what she didn’t dare hope to believe. She was the only little girl at school who didn’t have a family, but she’d always wanted one desperately.

Spike looked at his precious daughter and he could see why Isabelle said she was so much like him. He saw the doubt and the hope she could not voice in her eyes. Bending down he took both children in his arms holding them tightly and showing them that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m positive Poppet, you see because this is my family. I’m sure that they will love you both as much as I do.” He kissed her brow and looked into her eyes as they lit up.

“Really daddy, we have a family now. Your sure do, there are even members of our family that aren’t here today because they live all over the world. But I promise you someday soon you will meet all of them.”

Angel began wondering if it wasn’t them under a spell, because he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. As far as anyone knew he was the only vampire to have a child, but for Spike to have not one but two, and to have beaten him to it by a year. But Angel didn’t want Spike to go through what he did with Connor, so major research was going to be needed. Deciding to be the first to welcome the new family members he walked forward to the children and got down on his haunches.

“Hi, I’m Angel. Since I’m your daddy’s er brother I want to be the first to welcome you to the family. You can even call me Uncle Angel if you want.” Sticking his hand out he shook their hands and patted Spike on the back. Looking into Spike’s eyes he saw a wealth of respect and trust along with relief and thanks. Angel turned around to let the next person to come forward when he heard a soft voice asked.

“Daddy, why does Uncle Angel hair look so stiff.” At that instant Angel knew without a shadow of a doubt that these definitely were Spike’s kids.

“I’ll tell you later Poppet.” Spike said trying hard not to laugh as he saw Angel stop in his tracks. He squeezed his daughters hand instead.

One by one everyone came forward and he couldn’t have been prouder of either side. In some ways it surprised him how welcoming his family was being to his children, but in other ways it did not. Dawn came up last having skipped class along with Connor so they could be here. Her eyes held a look of happiness and sadness. She bent to her knees and without hesitation gathered both children into her arms.

“I’m your aunt Dawn, and I have a feeling that the three of us are going to get along great. Now both of you must be hungry. Would you like to come into the kitchen with me and get some breakfast, I make great Mickey Mouse pancakes.” When she held out her hands the children hesitated. The looked up at there father, asking permission, but also for reasurrance that he would still be there when they got back.

“Its okay, go with Dawn and get some breakfast. I’ll be right out here if you need me.” Hugging each of them to him he handed them over to Dawn. Everyone waited until they were well out of earshot before the question and answer session began.

*****
“Daddy! daddy! Wake up!” Shrieks filled his ears and the springs heaved underneath him as two little devils threatened to either break the bed, make him seasick, or pummel him to death, there was a possibility of all three.

Spike laid as still as death, not moving until his children stopped and both sat on his chest. He stopped breathing and slowed his heart to a point where it could only be heard with a stethoscope. Spike knew that they were looking at him, trying to get any reaction from him at all.

“Daddy playing dead.” Adrian said to his sister not fooled by his father. He had seen his father breathing when they had come into the room.

“Daddy. Daddy. Wake up.” His precious daughter thought herself so smart when she bent to his ear and whispered into it.

Spike waited until the count of ten then in a flash caught both of his children in his arms as they squealed in surprise. Laughing when he started tickling both of them until they could barely breathe.

“Monsters, both of you. The one day daddy decides to sleep in you have to jump on him until he feels like jello.” For emphasis Spike lifted them both up in his arms and pounced down on the bed, jarring them and making them laugh even more.

“If all of you are ready, there’s pancakes and eggs in the kitchen.” Fred stood in the doorway her petite frame already slightly showing her pregnant state. She looked beautiful this morning with her hair down and a flowing summer dress on. Spike had never seen her look as beautiful as she did with the morning sun hitting her and making her glow even more if that was possible.

Wesley came up behind his wife putting his arms around her and kissing the top of her head while gently rubbing her stomach. He had been doing this a lot lately, ever since Fred had told him she was pregnant in fact.

When Fred had first told him she was pregnant all he had done was stare at her and that was before the “Oh dear” past his lips. He had never planned on being a father after the mess his own father made with him. But now seeing Spike so enraptured with his own children Wesley knew he could put the past behind him and be the kind of father to his child that his father had never been for him, loving and supportive.

“Why don’t you two come with Auntie Fred and I while your father gets dressed. You have a big day ahead of you and you are going to need all the strength you can get, so is your father.” Wesley bent down on one knee and was overjoyed when two remarkable scamps plowed into him almost knocking him on his rear. Lifting them both up into his arms he smiled at Fred and left with two giggling imps.

“He’s going to make a good da.” Spike was proud of how far Wesley had come in opening up to all of them and how quickly he had adjusted not only to Alyssa and Adrian, but to the knowledge that he was going to be a father.

“It’s good to see him with the children, after the whole Connor fiasco I don’t think he ever looked at a little boy without it affecting him. He still feels bad for all of it even though Angel has forgiven him. I don’t know if Wesley will fully ever forgive himself for what he did, even though at the time he felt he was doing the right thing.” Fred walked into the room, not caring that Spike was still basically undressed and bent to grab a packed box off the floor.

“Give me that, you know you shouldn’t be carrying anything.” Spike grabbed the box from her hands, grateful for that one morning of his life he wasn’t being plagued with morning wood. He didn’t know if he could handle Fred seeing him in that situation. He always looked at her as if she was so pure and good, even though the girl knew what too much for her own good, and even though he had seen her naked in the shower.

“Oh, please I’m pregnant, I am not infirm. That box can’t weigh more than five pounds at the most, I carry more than that when Adrian wants to be held.” Fred yanked the box back out of his hands and walked out of the room despite Spike’s further sounds of protest.

Spike threw on a clean pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt then dumped his dirty clothes from the day before in a laundry basket to be done later at the house. Grabbing a couple of boxes, he headed down the stairs with them. Luckily they didn’t have much to move or the stairs would have become an obstacle. Planted the boxes beside the ones already stacked from the children’s rooms beside the front door Spike made his way into the kitchen for breakfast with his children.

The children were sitting at the table in the industrial kitchen the plates and mouth’s full. Alyssa was still trying to talk through her food. Chatting to Fred who turned more pancakes on the griddle. Angel and Cordelia walked in through the back door chatting with Willow, Dawn and Connor. It was all that Spike could do not to growl at Willow and Dawn. Instead he helped himself to a plate full of food and sat beside his children.

“Aly, please don’t talk with your mouth full.” He gently reminded his daughter moving her glass of milk away from the table edge.

Alyssa looked at her father and said okay, her mouth still full of food. Adrian didn’t pay any attention to either one, he was too busy moving from the table and running toward Angel at full throttle. It never failed to amaze Spike at how much his children loved Angel. He just hoped their outlook on him wouldn’t change when they later in life found out about both his and Angel’s sordid past. Angel much to Adrian’s delight scooped him up in his arms, sticky mess and all.

“Angel the boy needs to eat his breakfast. We have a big day ahead of us and the sooner we get finished here, the sooner we can be on our way.” Spike having lost his appetite since Dawn and Willow had walked in the room dumped the rest of his breakfast in the garbage and left the room. They couldn’t get to the house quick enough for him today.

He knew that one or the other was following him but he didn’t bother to acknowledge them, just went back up the stairs and into Alyssa’s room. Stripping the bed he began folding the bedding and putting it in a box. Even when she was standing at the door staring at him he didn’t stop, just kept working. Packing the few clothes that remained and boxing up the remaining toys. Once the room was bare he stacked the boxes and made toward the door, daring the chit not to move. In the mood he was in he would just as soon plow over her as ask her to move.

“We need to talk Spike?” Dawn voice said flatly in the hall as she moved aside to let him out.

Spike didn’t acknowledge her just lugged the boxes down the stairs to the front door. Before turning around and going back up. He made the same quick work with his son’s room and again had the door blocked by Dawn.

“You can’t keep avoiding me, sooner or later we need to make peace and I’m not going to stop until we have.” Dawn trailed after him this time instead of being left behind.

At the bottom of the stairs he unloaded and turned, only this time to have Dawn fully blocking his path and not moving out of the way.

“I’m not moving until you talk to me, your being childish.” Dawn’s voice was getting shrill and loud now which was starting to attract attention from the kitchen.

Angel was the first one to step through the door followed by Cordelia, Wesley and Connor. They all stood back not knowing what to say. Angel went to step in but Cordelia held him back.

“You can’t keep running away every time that things get rough. When are you going to learn to stand up and start facing the reality of things. What are you teaching those kids by doing this?.” Dawn was almost shouting, her hands clenched in frustration at her sides.

“You either let me past or I will physically move you.” Spike growled his fists clenched at his sides. He wouldn’t hit her, but he damn well would move her if he had too.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Connor start toward them only to be held back by both Cordelia and Angel. The boy did not want to get involved in this. Spike had just enough rage left in him to do damage that he may or may not regret later.

“I’m not moving until we finish this.” Dawn stood her ground even rising up a step to look down upon him.

Spike not wanting to have any kind of fight with the children so near did the only thing he could do to get away from her, he turned around and went up the other stairs, leaving her yelling in frustration behind him. There was no winner in this type of fight except for the person who walked away and Spike intended to be that person.

Gunn was coming from his room as Spike rounded the corner, which was perfect for Spike and meant that he could be out of here even sooner than he expected, even though now wouldn’t even be soon enough.

“Hey Charlie, that truck of yours still running all right?” Spike stopped only for a second not knowing whether Dawn was on his heels or not.

“Yeah, she running all right, why?” Gunn knew he was being conned into something, and he had his feelings as to what.

“We’re leaving today and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping. There’s some boxes that I can’t fit in my SUV and I was wondering if you’d haul them for me. I’d make it worth your while.” Spike looked over his shoulder and toward the stairs, hearing Dawn’s footfalls on them.

“What do you have in mind? Man you know I hate moving.” Charlie hadn’t even had breakfast yet and he was already getting roped into things.

“Know of a little robot man that you’ve had your eye on for a while now. Well I just happen to know where it is, could give you the info if you help.” Spike knew just where to hint for Charlie to take the bait.

“All right man, just let me grab some grub and I’m yours.” Gunn’s stomach was starting to rumble and he could smell Fred’s pancakes all the way up here. That girl sure did know how to cook.

“Nah, man I’m getting ready to leave in a few minutes.” When Spike heard Gunn grumble he decided to sweeten the deal so that they could leave in fifteen minutes if they hurried.

“Angel and Connor are down there along with Wesley. Get stuff loaded now and I’ll even buy the damn thing for you.” Spike could hear Dawn’s footsteps in the hall and had to move quick.

“All right man, but this had better be worth it.” Gunn turned and walked away grumbling about being friends with him and whining about his missed breakfast.

Spike had just rounded a corner when he heard Dawn take off at a run to catch up to him. Grabbing him by the arm she pulled him around to face her. Spike’s angry eyes flashed gold and the ridges on his forehead formed and his teeth elongated. Now they were far enough away from the children that if it was a fight that Dawn wanted then Spike would give it to her.

“How dare you walk away from me?” Her eyes flashed icy at him, full of anger.

“If you don’t mind I have things to do before I leave.” Spike turned around again only to be grabbed yet again.

“Yeah that’s right things get bad and Spike leaves. What happens next Spike things get hard being a father and you walk away from them too. You did it to me, you did it to Buffy, when are you going to leave them behind.” Dawn was almost wild with anger.

“I’m leaving to give my children a better life away from all of this. Away from things they don’t understand. There are things that you don’t understand, things that you will never understand. You locked me out, do you remember? Or are you so self righteous that you forget that? And just for your information little girl, just because your father abandoned you doesn’t mean that I am going to abandon my children.” Spike’s demon was howling to slash and bash due to the anger built up inside.

“What about Buffy? Don’t you care about her? You’re off every day doing who know’s what while Fred and Wesley watch your children. You’re off having fun and living life while my sister lays there never moving, and barely breathing on her own. Yet now Spike is off to have a grand adventure.”

“I do not, nor will I answer to you. You chose not to be a part of my life when you locked me out, or do you conviently forget that part. And that’s right Dawn, I’m out living life. It’s what you wanted me to do right? Or was it you just wanted to play the puppet master and see how long you could pull my strings. Well sorry for you luv but you don’t have my by the short and curlies. What I do now with my life and my children is no one’s business but my own.” Spike turned and tried to walk away but Dawn grabbed him by the arm yet again digging her nails into his forearms almost hard enough to bring the blood.

“You seem to forget something, Spike, I do own you. Or do you seem to forget that it’s my sister that’s on life support. I can pull the plug on her and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Dawn’s eyes were getting dark with rage and even Spike wondered now what was going on with her. The girl had been abandoned so many times in her life that it was making her insane.

“That’s enough Dawn!” Angel was behind both of them and pulled her hand off Spike’s arm. Neither one of them had heard him come up behind them.

“Spike go finish your packing Fred and Cordelia are getting the kids ready. If you hurry we can leave in fifteen minutes.” Angel took a hold of Dawn’s arm and pulled her back and away from Spike.

Spike left Dawn in Angel’s hands and went the back way toward his room. He would not be happy until tonight when they were finally home. The thoughts of seeing the children running through the house had his mind so fogged that he didn’t see Willow sitting on his bed when he walked into the room.

He began throwing his few things haphazardly into boxes not taking the care with his possessions like he did with Alyssa and Adrian’s. If things had been going different then he would have, but right now he wasn’t in the mood. Looking up and seeing Red on the edge of his bed made some of the anger come back.

“Get out before I throw you out. I’ve had enough today that I’m going to take from you bleeding women.” Spike went to yank the bedding off and almost sent Willow tumbling to the floor.

“I’m not here to argue with you. Dawn’s hurting and has her reasons. Mine are different. I think you’re doing the right thing. You’re doing something that I couldn’t do a few years ago. Spike, you’re getting on with your life and letting go, it’s what we all have had to do and some of us still need to do. I will tell you that I thought it would take you longer, but I’m glad it hasn’t. Your children are wonderful and you are doing the right thing for them. You are going to give them the normal life all of us have always wanted and have never been able to achieve.” Willow now standing was looking at him a smile on her face. She was fidgeting which she was always prone to do when she was nervous. Willow would always still be the same shy geeky girl inside no matter how much more of a Goddess she became.

It was hard for Willow not to mention Isabelle while talking to Spike. Her weekly meetings with the ghost had given her a lot to think about, so had watching Spike do everything to give Alyssa and Adrian the wonderful lives they would have. She wanted to tell Spike that Isabelle still loved him and looked after them, but she knew she couldn’t and it was eating her up inside. Though somehow she knew that Spike could feel Isabelle. It was the look he had when ever he look up to the cliff as if he could feel her there. Even though Willow wanted so much to tell him she would never betray Isabelle that way, not when it would mean the end to her entire existence. It would have to be enough that she would always look out for her family.

Spike just looked at her as Willow seemingly stared off into space like a proverbial cadet. She had a far away look in her eyes that said she wasn’t quite all here at the moment. Who knew maybe she was making contact with the other side, though it did unnerve Spike that she could so easily go into the ether while still being quite visible. Willow looked at him, snapping out of her stupor when she felt Spike’s eyes drilling into her brain.

“Sorry, was just thinking for a minute. I want you to know that if you need anything or anyone just ley me know. Kind of like that summer when I was able to get into everyone’s head, just think about it and me and I’ll hear.” Willow was fidgeting, not knowing whether Spike would believe her or not.

“Will do, but you know I don’t like the mind mojo. How about if I stick to a phone call?” Spike was starting to think differently about Red. Maybe they could start to build a new friendship later. Right now he still had some hard feelings that he had to get over first, but if she was willing to try then so was he.

“Would you let me help you pack? I would like to see the house from the inside for a change.” Willow started folding his sheets when Spike froze at her comment.

“Have you been spying on me Red?” Spike couldn’t help the growl that came out. He didn’t like the thought of people being able to gain access to the property without his permission.

“From the cliff above. I heard about the magic surrounding the place and wanted to take a look at it. I didn’t mean any harm and I stayed on the outside of the circle I swear.” Willow was still busy folding, hoping that somehow Spike wouldn’t get her to slip up and make her spill the beans about Isabelle.

“What do you mean by magic. Ran a test on the place myself and it came up clean.” Spike dropped the things he was holding haphazardly into a box, concern was etched on his face. Concern that if Willow got close then someone else could also, someone with enough power to blow to hell the sanctuary he was building.

“I thought you knew. There’s old magic around the whole area. Powerful, actually so powerful that it knocked me on my ass the first time I came upon it. Don’t worry the place is safe. Anything that’s thrown at it bounces back on the owner times a thousand. Even the smallest chant against the place would blow someone to smithereens. I think the Powers have something to do with it.” Willow knew as soon as the thought was out of her mouth that she had stepped in it, and big time. There was no way that Spike was going to let that comment go.

“What the hell do you mean that the Powers have something to do with it. I don’t want them messing around with my kids.” Anger rolled off Spike so much that it pushed at Willow making her shields come alive and making her skin tingle.

“I’m saying it could be not that it is. Spike this magic is even more powerful that anything I’ve come across and that includes when I went all evil. I couldn’t have busted through it then and I can’t now. The magic around the place is as old as time itself and just as powerful. Think about all the power that was harnessed to create Dawn and multiply that by a million and you might come close. No one will be able to get to you or the kids there, it’s impossible. I wouldn’t tell you this if it wasn’t true. I would never do anything to put your children in danger.” Willow looked at him open and honest using not one bit of magic to cover any of her thoughts up, if Spike wanted to he could look into her mind at that moment and see everything like a moving picture, even Isabelle staring down at the house. She was glad when Spike chose to believe her without delving into her mind. It meant that he was starting to believe her again. Willow was glad, she didn’t have many friends and the ones she did she didn’t like being at odds with.

“I believe you Red, but I want to have someone else take a look at it just for a second opinion. I know your all big with being a Goddess now, but I want everything double checked now that I know. I want you there when they do just so that they don’t try anything funny. You’d be able to pick up on that quicker than anyone.” Spike was getting to feel a little easier about the whole thing but he would not feel a hundred percent until he had seen the proof for himself.

Willow was fine with that and nodded her agreement. It was only right that Spike would want another opinion, she would too if it was her family that could be put in any kind of danger.

“Why don’t I make this job easier on the both of us.” With Spike’s nod Willow muttered a little incantation and with a wave of her hand everything was put neatly in boxes, including the things that had been tossed in before.

“By the way Spike about the other matter. I can hold them off for one hour, do what you have to do and say what you need to say. The barrier will be down for that long, any longer than that and Dawn will know. I will get you there. When the time ends you’ll be transported back here at the same moment you left no one the wiser. Just make sure to tell her that I love her and I miss her more than ever.” Willow waved her hand and said yet another incantation in Latin and Spike felt a tug at his solar plexus and then he was hurdled through space and time.

When Spike landed it was with a bone jarring impact into wet soggy ground. Spitting out a mouth full of grass he went aching to his feet a sprinkler drenching him with water.. Instantly he recognized his surroundings and pain forgotten he started to run. He was in the back yard of the estate, right inside the property line. He knew now what Willow meant.

Not caring about the mud on his clothes, face or shoes he ran opening the back door as he went. He left muddy prints and splatters along with open doors and tipped over furniture in his wake. Whatever consequences he incurred would be worth it a thousand times over.

Spike’s heart was pounding with exertion when he finally made it to her room, the same room she’d had when he left. The door was open and sunlight poured in and on her face making her ethereal with it’s glow.

Her long hair had been shorn, much like it had been the time she had disappeared except now it wasn’t chic just butchered, her face was a pale contrast to her face, the purple shadows never disappearing. Veins showed now prominently through her skin. Her nails were short and devoid of any polish to make them more feminine. There had been a time when Dawn or one of the other girls would come in and add a little make-up to her face to give her a little more color and life, evidently those days were long gone. Buffy’s lips were dry and cracked no one had thought to add even a little gloss to them.

To Spike she was the most glorious creature to ever come into existence and his heart leapt with joy at being near her again, even if it was only for a short amount of time. Sitting gently beside her, he took her hand in his kissing it tenderly and holding her palm against his face. Pain coursed through his body with such and intensity that he couldn’t even cry.

Laying his head on her chest as the emotions started to overwhelm him only to feel her strong heart beat in her chest. His own heaved and the pent up emotion that had been building over the past months exploded and a part of him knew that this could be the last time he saw her. This was his chance to say goodbye, the last time he would ever hold Buffy in his arms. For this time his journal would go silent and instead of saying the words to paper, he would be saying them to her. Maybe later he would put them down in the journal, or maybe he would leave them blank with the words better left spoken only once. The year was almost complete and in another month their would be no turning back for any of them.

“Willow told me to tell you that she loves you and that she misses you. I don’t know whose been in to talk to you or if anyone has. If I see Dawn again I’m liable to ring her bloody neck hopefully twisting it off in the process. It’s been so long since I’ve been here by your side but I don’t have much time so I’ll try to keep things to the basics. I found out a few months ago that I am a father to two twins, a boy and a girl. Their names are Adrian and Alyssa. I know that they would adore you. They have often asked who the pretty woman was in the picture I keep in my room at the Hyperion.

This afternoon we are leaving to start our lives the three of us, well four if you count Clem, he’s still around and going to be the children’s nanny. I’m going to try being a college professor for awhile. Maybe I’ll get lucky and run across those Initiative bastards so I can rip them from limp to limp. Soldier Boy I’ll leave alone since he did come through in a pinch when the chip went haywire.

The house is beautiful and you would love it, big with a huge yard. It’s near the ocean and you can hear the waves from every room. I would love for it to be our home, all of us together. Raise a family, maybe even have some children of our own. Lead normal lives with car pools and bloody PTA meetings. Go grocery shopping and for long walks on the beach and never have to worry about the monsters ever again.

We can’t have any of this Buffy if you won’t wake up. I want to give you everything you ever dreamed including the normal life, but you have to let me. You have to want this. I am not in your mind, or even in your dreams Buffy. I am right here beside you. I’m not stuck in the bloody Hellmouth, but right by your side where I promise to stay for the rest of our lives together. You have to wake up Buffy, for us, for the family we’ll have. For the life you’ve always wanted. Wake up Buffy and be with us, not because we want you here, but because you want to be here.”

Spike felt the same tug in his abdomen that he felt before and knew he only had seconds.

"Dammit Buffy wake up, live for yourself, live for us and for our children. WAKE UP BUFFY!” Spike shouted the words has he was pulled back to the Hyperion and away from his soul mate and the only woman who ever made him feel complete.

Spike was pulled away before he saw the one thing he would have fought heaven and hell for. For a moment, the briefest of instants eyes fluttered, a heart beat sped up, then fingers on a right hand moved up in a grasp, one word slipped from a dry hoarse throat. "Spike!" Then all was the same.