Ninety miles away from you
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you’re still on my mind...
She gripped the steering wheel tightly and pressed down on the gas pedal, although to tell the truth she was already exceeding the speed limit. She didn’t even really know why she was doing this. After all her protestations to Giles about the un-mixyness of her and cars, you’d think she’d avoid driving them at all costs.
Wait, scratch that, she did know why she was doing it. Even if she crashed and the car disintegrated, she had to try. She knew he was there, even now, after the Apocalypse to end all Apocalypses had occurred in LA. A sane person would have stayed in the newly-safe LA—but he’d never been sane.
She’d known for almost two years now that he was back; Andrew never had been good at secret-keeping, and when she’d realized something was up that night in Rome, she’d threatened to pummel him if he didn’t spill. Ever since then, questions had assailed her.
What would have happened if she’d stayed with him at the end? She should have, she knew that now. What if she’d gone to LA to help with the Senior Partners? Would he have believed her about loving him if she’d told him sooner? Why did every second she spent without him feel like a third death?
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?
When she’d heard that he was on Earth again, she’d wanted to rush to him immediately. Giles and Willow had stopped her, both pointing out that though she wasn’t the Chosen one anymore, she was still their leader, and she had responsibilities she couldn’t abandon.
And now that she was finally free and rushing toward where she knew he’d be, all she could feel was pain. All she wanted were answers. Why had he told her she didn’t mean it? When had he realized she’d been telling the truth—had he realized it at all? Did he know what he meant to her?
Why hadn’t the Powers that Be let them be together?
Oh, someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
But as she asked them, screamed them to the sky above her head, she heard only silence. Only the sounds of her own frightened yells. She knew she wouldn’t be answered; the Powers that Be had no time for lowly Slayers. But her pain had eased ever so slightly in the asking.
Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
A sign flashed past: Sunnydale, twenty-five miles. She was getting closer. The pain in her heart eased, ever so slightly.
Or what the moon says when she cries?
She could still see him standing there, bringing light into a place of eternal darkness at the expense of his own life. His face as he told her that he had to do this one thing...for her. He hadn’t said that last part, but she’d heard it all the same. And in that moment, she’d been so overwhelmingly proud, of both of them. Him, for being the hero she’d known he could be. And herself, for being the person that brought the heroism about.
I’m speeding by the place I met you...
Had she even realized before he was gone for good how important he was to her? He was the one who always came back no matter what. He was her rock, her strength when everything fell apart. Thinking that he was gone forever had been like a white-hot knife to her heart.
For the ninety-seventh time...tonight
Now all she wanted to know was—why hadn’t he tried to contact her? Yes, he’d tried to see her that time in Rome, but why hadn’t he tried harder? He’d traveled across the world for her and still she’d rejected him...had he just given up?
Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Sunnydale, fifteen miles. She read the sign through tear-blurred eyes. He must still love her. He had to. He’d told her so many times that he would love her until the world fell in.
But if that was true, why did she feel so alone?
Why had she fallen in love with him in the first place? She’d known from the very beginning that love for him meant pain and heartache, with very little joy in between. But how could she have resisted, really? That look in his eyes when he saw her for the first time since her death, all those years ago—how could she not love him?
She’d rejected him for so long, pushed him away...how could she not have seen that she herself loved him just as much as he loved her? She’d told him no so many times that now she wondered: was she too late?
Someday we’ll know
Why Sampson loved Dalilah?
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you...
Sunnydale, ten miles. She was getting still closer. And now it felt like someone had clamped a vice around her heart, her chest was so tight.
Open up the world
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
Watched the stars crash in the sea
And though she’d told Giles not to help him when they’d learned of the coming apocalypse, she had still cared. She’d stayed up night after night, staring at her ceiling, wishing that he could be with her just one more time.
If I can ask God one question
Why aren’t you here with me tonight?
Sunnydale, five miles. Soon she’d be seeing him again. She pushed down, just a little more, on the accelerator.
She hadn’t come to help him in LA because she knew that, like closing the Hellmouth, this was something he had to do. She knew it just as she had known that it was she who had to jump in that portal four years ago, not Dawn.
And the knowledge had hurt no less.
She swerved to the right and got off at the exit for Sunnydale. No one had bothered telling the highway patrol that Sunnydale no longer existed. She wasn’t surprised. The government liked to pretend that places like Sunnydale had never existed.
Please, please let him be there—that was her prayer as she neared what had once been Sunnydale. What if he wasn’t?
Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
She pulled to a stop about twenty feet away from the huge crater. For a second, her eyes were glued to it. How many miles across was it? She didn’t know, and really, she didn’t care. What mattered most about it was that he had created it. His power, his goodness, had saved the world. A vampire had saved not just one, but all Slayers. And she couldn’t be prouder.
Then she saw him, standing at the edge and staring down. The sunlight struck his hair and turned him into a beacon, an idol. In so many ways, her idol.
He must have known she’d be coming, much as she had known he would be waiting. She got out of the car and walked toward him. When she was about ten feet away, she halted.
This was it. There was no going back. For a second, his sun-lit image wavered as tears again assailed her eyes. Then she took a deep breath.
This was how it was meant to be.
“Spike.”
He turned around. Shock, joy, pain, wonder, all of those lit his eyes up simultaneously. But the dominant emotion shone out at her: love.
“Buffy.”
She gave a cry of joy and rushed toward him. Her fierce hug was returned in kind. She buried her face in his chest, he rested his cheek on her forehead.
Soft tears wet his shirt, her hair. She felt him take a deep breath—a needed breath.
“Took you long enough, luv.”
And then there was nothing but laughter—laughter that both of them deserved. This time, when a car sped away from the Hellmouth, there were two champions inside.
Maybe someday. That was what she’d told him so many times.
And now, as Spike drove them back toward LA, Buffy realized: ‘someday’ had come. It was today, the next day, and all the days in the future.
It was forever.
Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Dalilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you...
~*~
A/N: OK, I know I should be working on “The Grey Areas”, but I’m the world’s biggest procrastinator, so I decided to quick write this instead ;). The song is ‘Someday We’ll Know,’ sung by Jonathan Foreman of Switchfoot and Many Moore of the Blonde Bimbo Brigade (lol kidding I actually like MM). I edited the first line, it's actually 'ninety miles outside Chicago'. You can find it on—prepare to projectile vomit—the ‘A Walk to Remember’ soundtrack. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, review plz!
