Stay With Me
Summary: What if Buffy had reacted a little differently at the end of Tabula Rasa? Inspired by the way she is holding onto him during the kiss.
Rating: PG13
Genre: Drama/Romance
‘Please just stay with me,’ she silently begged, clutching at his coat with her right hand as the other traveled up to pull him closer, cupping his cheek in her hand while his lips tenderly grazed over hers.
‘Don’t leave me…don’t be like everyone else…be different.’
She felt his fingertips tenderly grip her shoulder as their lips broke apart, letting him briefly press his forehead against hers. The emotions that were racing through them were nearly overpowering as they tried to avoid each other’s eyes.
Gasping for breath, Buffy eagerly pressed her lips against his once more, needing everything that he was offering. Squeezing her eyes shut, she let herself pretend that this was her life. That she was normal. If she did nothing but concentrate on Spike’s lips against hers, she could imagine that she was a carefree college student, making out with her boyfriend, just like any other normal night.
She needed this.
She needed him.
Letting go of her desperation, Buffy’s lips barely touched his as she tightened her grip on the soft leather of his coat.
She could feel her blood racing through her body and knew that he could hear it. Her heart was beating wildly, only escalating when his hands settled on her hips, shifting their bodies until they were barely touching.
Feeling his hands thread through her hair, Buffy could no longer hold back the tears, letting them spill down her cheeks as she deepened the kiss.
When the scent of her tears hit him, Spike pulled away, looking at her nervously as Buffy slowly turned her watery eyes up to him.
There was no need to ask what was wrong.
He already knew.
Gently cupping her cheek in his hand, he let his thumb graze over her skin, brushing away a tear. Her breathing was shallow as she looked up at him with a mixture of trepidation and fear as if she was expecting the same rejection she had grown so accustomed to.
Spike’s eyes searched hers, hoping to see a sign of what he could give her. Of what she needed. Seeing her chin quiver, his empathic expression softened even more, wishing that he could take all of her pain away and put it on himself.
The desperation in her eyes was obvious as she tilted her head, hoping for just a few more minutes of forgetting.
Not knowing what else to give her, Spike brushed his lips against hers in a tender kiss before pulling back and enveloping her small body in his cool embrace.
Tensing at the sudden change, Buffy was prepared to pull away from him before she realized that he was offering exactly what she needed. Slipping her hands beneath the duster, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, trying to take as much comfort as she could in the scent of tobacco and leather.
It was familiarity.
It was relief.
It was completion.
Tightening his arms around her when her shoulders began to shake with the force of her quiet sobs, Spike closed his eyes, gently kissing the top of her head, wanting to show her that he was there for her. That he would always be there.
Her nails were digging into his back as if he was going to disappear from her grasp. The silent plea was clear as she clung to him.
“Let’s get you home, love,” he whispered after a moment when he sensed that she had settled down.
Hesitantly nodding, Buffy allowed him to wrap his arm around her shoulders, leading her out of the crowded club.
As the cool night air hit her face, she found herself inhaling sharply, trying to get a little clarity on the situation.
“I can walk home by myself,” she said softly, trying to pull away from the comforting arm that was securely holding her.
“You could,” he said with a nod. “But I’m not letting you.”
“Spike-”
“I’m walking with you, Slayer. End of story.”
Slightly surprised by the harsher tone, Buffy wrapped her arms around herself. That was the first time since she came back that Spike had spoken to her the way he used to, and she didn’t know how to feel about it. Her already conflicted emotions were getting more out of control.
“Didn’t mean to snap at you,” he said after a moment, nervously glancing over at her as if he thought she would break. “You’re just too stubborn for your own good, sometimes.”
“Look who’s talking,” Buffy muttered. Glancing up at him, a slight smile played on her lips when she met his amused gaze.
Walking the rest of the way in silence, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed when her house came into view.
Spike cast a look over to her when he noticed her shoulders droop but decided not to comment on it.
Waiting until they were facing the front porch steps, they each stopped and slowly turned to face each other.
“About tonight…”
“No explanations,” Spike said gently, offering her a soft smile. “I know what it was about. Just a bit of cold comfort.”
Looking down in embarrassment, Buffy took a deep breath.
“Partly,” she muttered, almost to herself, unable to admit that her true feelings ran deeper.
“Partly?”
“I should get inside…check on Dawnie,” she said, gesturing toward the house.
“Not so fast, Slayer,” he replied, shaking his head, preparing himself to reach out and stop her if she insisted on running away from him. “What do you mean ‘partly’?”
Looking down at the ground, Buffy felt all of the pain from the last few years come to the surface. “Everyone leaves,” she whispered in a choked voice, unable to look at him. “My parents…every man I’ve ever…had a relationship with…and now Giles. Everyone always leaves. And tonight…I just wanted someone to stay with me.”
“That’s why you kissed me?”
“You kissed me,” she said, her eyes raising to his.
“Let’s not beat around the bush, love,” Spike said with an amused smile. “I was the one leaving- you were the one chasing after me and practically tackling me under the stairs.”
Blushing at the description, Buffy found herself avoiding his eyes again as a small smile threatened to pull at her lips.
“Is that what it was about?” he asked, his voice softening as he waited for her to reply.
“I don’t know what this is,” she whispered. “I just know that I need someone in my life who will always be here. Who I can count on.”
“And you want that person to be me?” he asked skeptically.
Unable to meet his gaze, Buffy felt her heart begin to speed up when Spike gently hooked a finger under her chin, guiding her eyes toward his.
“Buffy?”
“Stay with me,” she whispered tearfully. “Don’t leave me,” she continued, voicing her earlier thought. “Don’t be like everyone else…be different.”
Seeing the pain in her eyes, Spike pulled her into his strong embrace, leaving a soft kiss on the top of her head. “I’ll be here, Buffy,” he whispered. “I’ll be everything you need me to be.”
THE END
